#her face lol. ten like oh noooo not a version of me who is a bit more like the me she originally fell in love with ahaha

[metacrisisdoctor]

i support their wrongs

[tippitv]

Recap: “Ouroboros” 14-14

Hey everyone! In an effort to get the recap out in a timely fashion, I'm trying something new. I'm doing it live-blog style and adding gifs already available on Tumblr as I format it for posting. Making pics with captions and photoshopping is super slow and laborious on my ancient computer. Just that part of the recaps usually takes 8-10 hours to do. In a recap that has a LOT of graphics, it might take 12.

THEN!

Ooh I've apparently missed more episodes than I realized. Veronica Cartwright, who's one of my favorite character actresses ever, brought Jack back to life. 

But with like... dire consequences, as per yoozh.

NOW!

Raton, New Mexico. Hey I've been there! I was driving to Colorado when I was 19 and we hit Raton riiiiight before we had to start driving up a narrow mountain road... when an ice storm hit... and I, a Texan who'd never driven over so much as an ice cube, thought I was going to kill us all.

Anyway it's nice to see an episode start somewhere in the Southwest for a change of pace.

This music is super cute. Someone let me know what it is? Also, I don't know who this guy is but he knows how to chop vegetables. I like him already! Oh... oh wait. There's a dead man on his kitchen island and the knife guy is harvesting his organs for dinner. Sorry, my dude, but I only have room in my heart for one cannibal

Oh he's got some lizard eyes on him, too. That's also a deal breaker. Somehow his repto-vision allows him to sense that the Winchesters are coming for him, so he grabs his pet snake Felix and sneaks away.

The episode is titled "Ouroboros," and I can't see that word without thinking of the episode of Red Dwarf where the people found the cardboard box with Lister in it. They misread the word as "Our Rob, or Ross." Shout out to the handful people following me who know what I'm talking about.

The Winchesters show up. Oh hey Castiel and Jack are with them, too! Snake Boy didn't see that. "Oh no," Cas says, despairing at the scene in the kitchen. I know. A wasted pasta dinner! Also a dead body.

Sam and Dean are frustrated that they've failed to catch this guy yet again. How is anyone not barfing at the smell of fried human liver? Have they become inured to it because of all the flaming hunter funerals? That's probably it.

"My money's on witchcraft," Dean grumbles. Rowena walks up behind him like

Oh ho ho why's she so flirtatious with Castiel? What did I miss there? Well he seems as confused as I am, and less titillated. Maybe nothing happened and she's just someone with eyes who happens to see how cute he is.

Everyone wonders why the victim, like all the other victims, appears not to have fought back. I mean, there's a lot of nihilism these days. Maybe it's a case of "fuck it, if this guy doesn't kill me the climate change will." Jack finds a freshly shed snake skin on the floor.

They wonder if the victim had pet snakes but think he doesn't seem the type. Like, I know a stay-at-home suburban mom with multiple snakes so I don't think there's just one type of herp enthusiast. Jack starts coughing and everyone's like

Jack assures them he's not dying again but he probably is.

Rowena notices there's a blackish powder around the victim's lips. The others tell her the other victims had something similar but they ignored it so that Dean and Rowena could look back and forth at each other with their best So Done faces.

As funny as the exchange is, I do so hate plot-necessitated dumbness. There's no way they wouldn't have looked into the black powder on all the victims' faces.

Sam and Rowena do some research in the motel de la nuit, which has a fabulous Missoni-inspired wallpaper. Man I wouldn't mind having some of that! Anyway, she's curious about Jack being not-dead and Dean keeping an archangel locked up in his head somehow. Sam doesn't want to talk about it.

Meanwhile, Jack's in the bathroom having one of those Moulin Rouge coughing fits. Has anyone thought of like... getting the kid some Robitussin? He uses a small amount of power to heal his cough. I think Veronica Cartwright warned against this in the previouslies.  

Dean's growing a mite weary and still thinks their inevitable option is going to be the magic coffin. Cas's face goes

Castiel tiredly explains what the word "liturgical" means when Jack and Dean give him confused looks. I mean I guess Jack might not know, but Dean should sure as heck know.

When they get back to the motel, Rowena says they're dealing with a Gorgon. "Like Medusa!" Dean pipes up. Oh I bet this leads to a Clash of the Titans jok---and there it is. They blah blah blah about how eating human eyes allows a Gorgon to see the future and evade capture. "So even if we use your tracking spell, he'll know," Cas says. Why do they assume it's a man when the Gorgons have always been depicted as shes?

So Snake Boy approaches a guy outside a truck stop and asks for help. "I'd find a way to pay you back." He turns the flirting up about ten notches and the trucker shiftily tells him to get inside. They kiss and the trucker is slowly paralyzed. Oh noooo I have a dozen things to say about queer villainy and victimization but I'm live blogging so remind me to come back to it.

Cas's hair is high as hell today. Remember there was this whole plot a while back about how Heaven is running out of power because there are so few angels? Maybe he's powering Heaven with his hair.

Noah, that's apparently the Gorgon's name, has left a note on the body for Dean. "I see you standing alone reading this note," NUH UH he's standing with Cas. He warns Dean to stop chasing him. "Why doesn't he mention me?" Cas asks. Right?? "Maybe you're not his type," Dean says. Cas rolls his eyes upward but the low-hanging fruit is practically on the ground.

After a confab with Sam and Rowena, they work out a plan for Cas and Jack to go after Noah since they seem to be invisible to him. They just need some anti-venom in case the Gorgon tries to poison them. Or just tell them not to kiss the guy? Maybe they don't know kissing is how he

OH MY FUCKING GOD ROWENA TURNS JACK INTO A VERY TINY DOG AND RUSHES HIM TO THE VET WITH SAM AND HE LOOKS LIKE A MUPPET

Jack the dog gets a thermometer up the butt... Then the vet or tech or whoever she is just... leaves him on the exam table unattended. That's not remotely what happens at clinics but whatever. As soon as Jack is alone, he turns back into a person with all his clothes on. I don't know why that seems more unrealistic to me than him turning into a dog, period.

He finds the anti-venom, makes a joke about his poor butt, and then Sam and Rowena have a conversation in the parking lot about how he was brought back to life. Then the vet runs out and confronts them!

Just kidding, they talk as long as they want without ever being discovered.

Noah's got his latest victim tied up somewhere. He says he finds more men to eat because women are more cautious. True dat. He kept the guy alive long enough to blah blah for a while but now he gives him a smooch on the cheek to paralyze him.

Rowena casts a locator spell... Why wouldn't Noah be able to see her and know something is up? Only the angelic ones are invisible to him. Oh my word Castiel kicks open the door VERY forcefully and I'm like

But wait... first he knocked. Why did he knock first? You know what let's just move on. Castiel goes and de-venomizes the latest victim. For some reason nobody's cutting off Noah's head yet so he just goes on talking. Something about a snake and some chicken eggs. Even Castiel is like, "Why are you telling this story??" And Noah, looking at Jack, goes, "Because I can't tell if he's the chicken or the snake."

Fisticuffs attempt to ensue! Lolol it's briefly a slap fight. Noah kisses Cas on the cheek. This is the most unrealistic part of this episode. Why would you kiss some rando trucker on the mouth and not this guy.

Hm there's still 15 minutes left. For some reason, the anti-venom doesn't work on Cas, so Jack has to use some of his powers. Maybe you should have tried giving him more of it first but whatever.

LOL they drive all the way from New Mexico to Kansas with unconscious Dean and rush him into the med bay. It's at least an eight hour drive! Maggie's like, "I'll get some ice!" It's been at least eight hours! Why didn't they just bring him to a regular hospital?? Nothing supernatural happened to him! He got his head wanged!

Jack is pretty upset about the prospect of Dean dying but Cas seems... philosophical about it. Maybe he knows they got renewed for season 15 and isn't too worried.

Oh Dean's awake and everything's fine! Just kidding he's on a rampage knocking everything over. Someone tell Maggie to forget the ice. He's in a rage because he "let his guard down" and now Michael has left. I mean... you were knocked out by a plot contrivance, my dude. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Oh shiiiit Michael's gone and killed everyone in the bunker. Not any of the main characters, obviously, but everyone else. Oh double shiiiiiit he's got Rowena as a vessel now. Wait. Why would she have said yes to him?

Ah...Michael paid her a little visit in her mind and said he'd kill everyone she cares about. She's loath to admit it but she does care for these people. Well, the main characters, at least.

Oh my gosh I love Ruth Connell. This is my fave version of Michael yet. Too bad it won't last!

Jack decides to use his powers to save everyone even if it means dying! Except he doesn't die because it's only March. He forces Michael out of Rowena, then sucks down the evacuated grace like

Everything goes quiet. Everyone's like... wtf? what?? the fuck??? They wait on pins and needles to see what happened to Jack. Jack's like, "I'm me again!" with the glowing flame eyes and the shadow wings. The music makes this seem very ominous. Maybe it means he doesn't have a soul anymore. Either way he seems very powerful again so good luck getting a rectal thermometer into him now.

Wait... why was this episode called Ouroboros when it was an entirely different snake thing? Ohhh maybe it was Jack eating/using his own powers to help himself? Let's say it's that.

If you enjoyed this recap, and are able, please drop something into my virtual tip jar here: https://www.paypal.me/tippiblevins  Henry the Hound and I could use grocery/vet money so anything is appreciated, including reblogs!

Thank you for reading!

[kiribaku-some-cute-stuff]

Sero Week Day 1

@sero-week

Older Sero / Embarrassed

The Legend of DKFSTA

(posted on WST cuz I couldn’t wait on mine)

Disclaimer: 

This Fic is trash—beautiful trash which I adore and would die for—but trash nonetheless. This fic has not been beta’d in any way, shape or form. Expect type-os, punctuation abnormalities, continuity issues and possible/probable OOC issues. At the end of this fic I will give you the template in order to play this dumb game. (it’s the same one I posted last night.)

Also, I was going to add reaction images but they were breaking up the story so I left ‘em out, if you want the reaction image version hit me up and I shall post it. 

Anyway you guys have been warned lol rated T Word Count: 4.4k    

Read it on Ao3

“I’m sorry this game is called what now?” Sero asked incredulously as he joined Mina, Momo, Jirou, Tooru, Uraraka and Tsu in common room. He agreed to join in on their collective sleepover for no other reason than to make sure certain “individuals” (one individual if we’re being honest) wouldn’t mess with them. However, the girls decided to sweeten the deal by promising to watch one of Sero’s favorite movies. It was kind of a guilty pleasure movie, so the offer was pretty appealing. And well  look it may seem like a small thing but… the kid was a little lonely lately, and he was sure that this would be the one thing to cheer him up! Right?

Wrong.  

What he would soon discover, was that there was a catch. Of course there was. Poor Sero… This is the tale of how he got dragged into playing the insidious game he would ever be cursed to participate in.  

“I told you it’s called D-K-F-S-T-A.” Mina rolled her eyes

“That is not the name you used at all.” Sero said pointedly

“Well, whatever. Look it’s fun I promise.” Mina’s demonic like grin suggested that this game in particular was anything but fun.

“Mina, I love you, but your definition of “fun” is far different from others’.”

“He’s got a point.” Jirou said in a bored tone, “Although, I gotta admit the game is kind of fun. In a very dumb way. Unless you’re too chicken.”

“Are you trying to pull a me right now?” Ser asked, “I’ve done this enough times to Bakugou to know what you’re doing. But hell I don’t see the harm if you it’s alright...”

“SERIOUSLY?!” Mina screeched, “I’ve been your bestie since year one and you trust Jirou’s opinion over mine?!?!???”

“Mina.” Sero eyes locked onto hers, “Do me a favor and, think back to last week when you and Kaminari thought it would be fun to—

Mina put her hand over Sero’s mouth,“Ok-OK! Fair point! We don’t need to talk about that.”

Momo, Jirou, Uraraka, Tsu and Tooru all gave the two of them the most terrified glance. They sort of  wanted to know what Sero was going to say but at the same time… they didn’t want to know. So they just left it at that, and hopefully the actual event was not as insane as what they were imaging, but knowing the meme queens...

“Alright fine, whatever so like how to I play this? Is it like MKF?” Sero’s eyes widened when all of the girls groaned at the same time.

“Why the hell didn’t we just play it like that!?” Tooru yelled

Uraraka face palmed, “That would have saved so much time.”

“Because it’s not as scientific that way!” exclaimed Mina

“Oh yes, because the ancient method of Mash is much more “scientifically accurate.” Jirou said complete with air quotes as Momo chuckled beside her.

“Scientifically accurate?” Sero asked.

“It determines your soulmate DUH, same as MASH, but you know better.” said Mina.

“Right…”

“This is too silly I’m going to bed, night guys.” Tsu said going to sleep for the night. Everyone wished her a good night and Sero wanting this to be over so they could just watch the dang movie already. He again picked his favorite guilty pleasure movie—a romantic comedy—what? He’s allowed to like ‘em jeez! Half the damned reason he agreed to this was because a) he knew he wouldn’t be judged and b) he wanted someone to watch it with him and this was the perfect place! Oh well, this game can’t take that long right?

“Okay, guys seriously? Just tell me how to play.”

“You got it my Office Supply Guy!” Mina beamed as Sero shook his head, “So here is how you play. You give me a list of 10 people you like as platonically ONLY. Then you give me a list of another 10 people but this time it’s people you find hot—or well: attractive, aesthetically pleasing and/or who you would hypothetically/potentially would want to date. Then, you give me 2 sets of numbers 1-10, then a set of 6 numbers in random order from 1-10.”

Sero was trying very, very hard not to laugh, this sounded fucking ridiculous, “Oh, is that all?”

Jirou smirked as Tooru, Uraraka and Momo stifled their giggles

“You guys—just come on okay? I’ve been trying to get the guys to play this but Kirishima knows better, Bakugou would never and Kaminari doesn’t have the attention span for it.”

“Mina. I barely have the attention span for this, so what am I supposed to do again? List 10 friends or whatever? Also wait what do you mean Kirishima knows better, cuz I’m not gonna lie that is more than mildly concerning.”

“Duh, Kirishima and I went to the same middle school, remember?! We all got bored and played it there all the time.” said Mina “But to answer your other question yeah, give me 10 people you aren’t attracted to.”

“Okay easy: You, Kaminari, Bakugou, Kirishima—

“Noooo you can’t put Bakugou and Kirishima on the same list.”

“What? Why?”

“Because they’re dating! You match up people in the first set you name with the second—trust me it’ll all be clear when we start.”

“Mina, none of this is clear, you do realize that, right??” Sero said feeling like his eyes were ready to roll out of their sockets

“In Mina’s defense it does make more sense as you play.” Uraraka smirked. See that should have been the first sign that something was wrong with this game. Uraraka never smirked, and if he were being honest… it was the most terrifying thing he’d ever seen.

Sero sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, “okay fine, so leave them off?”

“Or you put one on this list and the other one on the, people you wouldn’t mind dating list.”

“Or the ‘hotties list’ as she called it when we she made me play it.” Jirou rolled her eyes.

“Right, okay so my list of friends who I do not want to date take two: You, Kaminari, Jirou—”

“Ouch, me I get but you’re putting Jirou on the platonic list?”

Sero went red, “I—I don’t mean I don’t think Jirou’s unattractive I just—Jirou and I fist bump, I feel like once you’re in the fist bump zone that means you’re buddies for life and that’s kind of it and I—”

“Mina, can you stop torturing him?” Momo asked.

“Yeah, otherwise we’ll never get to the actual game and then no movie.” Jirou yelled in Sero’s defense, “No worries Sero, I feel exactly the same way.” Jirou fist bumped him in solidarity, besides she’s ashamed to admit it but she was pretty excited to see who Sero would be matched up with in the end.

“Okay. Fiiiiiiiine. So Sero on your first list you have: me, Kaminari, Jirou and you need 7 more people.

“Seven… right, uh…Tokoyami, Tetsutetsu… um… shit this is hard!”

“Right?!” Tooru squeaked, “It’s actually really hard to list all of these people! Oh but yeah you can totally list us under the friends list.”

Sero blushed, “Well… like what if I dunno I’ve had a crush or two on some of you—from like first year.”

“Oooooh who?!”

“Uraraka and Momo…”

Momo and Uraraka blushed, “Aw Sero!” Mina squealed.

Sero, realized he should have trusted his instincts. This insidious “game” was a trap. “H-heh, so okay how many more people do you need?” look into editing

“Well, let’s see, we have you—

“What? I didn’t list myself.”

“Yeah, I listed you—MASH rules the host can add one person to each list—now shush. You have listed: You, Me, Kaminari, Jirou, Tokoyami, Tetsutetsu. Great! Four more to go!”

“Tooru, Uhhhh… Oh! Camie, Inasa, and Shinsou! Done.”

“With the first list you are, and aww I’m glad you and Shinsou are friends! I feel badly that he didn’t get moved up to the Hero class sooner.”

“Yeah me too he’s a really great guy, and wait I gotta do the same thing in the other list?”

“Yep! So if you would please list of the people you could potentially see yourself being with, and/or you find cute.”

“Aw Jeez, what is this the most complicated game known to man?” Sero said exasperated AF, “Fine. But Mina? I’m giving you this list once and only once and if you miss somebody then that’s your fault and you have to fill in the damn gap.”

“Ok, ok, I got it… go!”

“Uhhhhh, ok, Momo, Kendou, Uraraka, Iida, Shouji, Ojiro, Awase, Shindou, and um… um. N-Natsuo?”

“Natsuo… as in Todoroki’s older brother?”

“Yeah, I mean, I guess? I mean he’s pretty cute, and I’m running out of people to name.”

“He’s four years older!”

“Again, you said people I thought were cute! He’s cute it totally counts! I’m not saying I’m gonna jump his bones or anything! Anyway, that’s ten right?”

“Nope that’s nine but since you choose a slightly older Todoroki, I am putting our Todoroki.”

“Y-You can’t do that.”

“Oooooh yes I can and I am.”

“Fine, I change those last two, to um—um…”

“Nope, no take backs and you took way too long on the friends list, this is the list of hotties you are stuck with.” Mina gave a mock innocent smile

“You’re only freaking out about it because you have to deal with Todoroki being on the list.” said Jirou struggling to hold back a laugh

“And the only reason he only put Natsuo on because it’s safer option.” Momo said coyly, “ You chose him because it means you wouldn’t have to say Shouto.”

Sero went red, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“That you like him… a lot” Uraraka chirped

“I do not. I mean yeah we’re friends, just friends.”

“Mhmm… sure.” Tooru laughed

“You guuuuuys!”

“Seroooo!”

“Ugh, sure whatever you say can we just finish the stupid game? Random numbers?”

“Yep 10 random numbers 1-10 2x plus 6 random numbers 1-10” Mina clicked her pen a couple of times and Sero rolled his eyes for probably the umpteenth million time during this dumb game and spouted out numbers. What the actual fuck had he been thinking when he agreed to this shit?

“Alright! Now we can start!” Mina squealed with glee, “So here’s what’s going on, the first two number sequences you gave me? Well, they match up to names on either of the two lists. So I’m going to give you two names aaaaaand you’re going to tell me if you’d think they’d be a good couple or not.”

Sero blinked, “What?”

“Sero, you’re not a dumb guy, stop acting like it. Okay, you for example got paired up with oooooh Shouji.”

“I’m going to say this again. What?”

“So your name was first on the friends list, and when you gave me the list of 10 numbers you said the number 2 first. That effectively gave you the number 2 and on the other list, you named Shouji fifth but in the number sequence you said the number 2 fifth. Hence you getting paired with Shouji. So now I’m going to give you couples based on number matches and lol you’re going to tell me if you think they’d be a cute couple or not, and I record your answer as yes or no.”

“Okay, I suppose that makes sense… so what the fuck does D-K-F-S-T-A stand for.” Sero filled with dread the likes of which he had never felt before, When Mina answered. “Oh that, heh you’ll see.”

Sero swallowed hard, “O-Okay?”

“Great, so do you see you and Shouji together?”

Sero did not miss the fact that they were all silently laughing at his misery, he also didn’t miss that he was going to have a fun time explaining all of his answers, “Yes…”

“Oh my god I knew it.” Tooru squealed

Sero groaned, “He’s a nice guy okay?!”

“Right and kissing him during truth or dare last month has nothing to do with it?” Jirou playfully punched his arm.

“Sh-Shut up Jirou! Unless you want me to pull out some receipts on all of you.”

“Fair enough.”

“Ok, ok next, oh oh wow lol nope,” Mina laughed.

“What?”

“Me and Ojiro.”

“Oh, definitely not, Ojiro deserves better.”

“HEY!”

The room burst out in fits of giggles.

“Kaminari and Iida.”

“Huh, yeah kinda—wait actually nope, def not. They get along super well and I love both of them a lot but I feel like they’d be missing chemistry?”

“Oh same,” said Ochako.

“Right?” said Sero

Mina wanted to get to the “good” part of the game so she interrupted, “Jirou and HA! Natsuo.”

Before Jirou could even open her mouth Sero said “No. I didn’t realize it was gonna be like this, you guys were right he’s way too old.”

“Not old enough for you to have a semi crush on him.” Jirou smirked

“No, that’s Todoroki Shouto you’re thinking of.” Momo giggled

“Would you guys shut up about that? Look okay yes, I’ve stayed over at his house a couple of times and yes—”

Mina’s widened in shock “He let you stay at his house?!”

“Well uh—yeah when his dad’s not home. Listen remember during our last break? My parents got the dates all mixed up, and they were out of the country. I was just gonna stay at the UA dorms but Endeavor was on a mission in Osaka and Todoroki insisted I come home with him. Natsuo and Fuyumi are really nice, I actually owe them my weight’s worth in grocery money for sure but they wouldn’t let me pay for anything. So—why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Oh nothing” Momo smiled oh-not-so-innocently

“Absolutely Nothing.” Jirou shrugged her shoulders

“Not a thing.” Uraraka said her hand propping up her chin in mock contemplation.

“Nothing at all.” Tooru hummed

Mina didn’t care about subtlety and just plunged in, “So... you’re like sure there’s nothing going on with you and Todoroki?”

“Is this seriously what we’re going to be talking about the whole night?” Sero said desperately trying to calm himself down to rid his cheeks of the epic blush that was currently decorating his face.

“Depends, when you uh stayed over at his place… did you guys sleep in his room?”

Sero opened his mouth to offer some sort of a response but his words died before they could reach his lips. He instantly made a tight lipped smile and refused to look at any of them.

“OH MY GOD!”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“Honestly Sero, you are hopeless.” Mina shook her head, “Okay, Tooru and Kendou.”

“No, not really, you guys don’t talk enough.”

“Yeah that’s fair.” Tooru yawned in agreement, “Aw man... guys I hate to tap out early but I’m exhausted, pleeeeease you have to tell me how this ends.”

“Oh you know it girl, sweet dreams!”

They all wished Tooru good night which luckily let Sero have enough time to collect himself for the next onslaught of questions. He thought he was prepared, he thought it must be close to finishing right? He could do this… well that’s what he thought before he heard Mina cackle.

“Oh god who with who” Sero dreaded asking.

“Tokoyami and Uraraka.”

Everyone cracked up at that because well no matter who Uraraka ended up with, unless it was with Midoriya it was gonna be a no (and the boy wasn’t even listed).

“Lol nope, she has eyes for only one person on this earth.”

“Sh-Shut up!”

“Oooooh ok, I see, so it’s okay to humiliate me, but not you.”

“Well duh I’m not the one playing the game.”

“Yeah well—

“Sero stop arguing with Uraraka, the faster we get through this the faster we can—Oh My God,” Mina struggled to keep a straight face, “Shinsou and Shindou.”

Everyone cackled, and admitted to himself internally that maybe this game wasn’t that bad.

“You know what? Weirdly enough, I kinda see it. If only for the reason that Shinsou wouldn’t let that smug good looking asshole get away with shit.”

“You do realize you and Shindou kinda look alike,”  Momo offered.

“No we don’t?”

“You kinda do though,” said Jirou.

“We do not, what drugs are you all taking?”

“We aren’t on drugs, you guys do look a little alike and It’s not a bad thing.” Ochako chimed in.

“I’m aware, he’s nice looking, but I mean we don’t.”

“Sero…” Mina for the first time that night gave him a soft look.

“What?”

“We know why you’re saying that, you’re good looking!”

“I’m fine looking.”

“Sero.”

“Moving on please.”

“Ugh fine, oh! Camie and Momo!”

“Awwww, that would be kind of adorable.”

“She is pretty…” Momo sighed wistfully

“You know I could set something up, right?” said Sero

“No no! That’s okay!”

“You sure?”

“I could set you up with Todoroki,” Momo countered.

“We room next to each other so like lol if that were ever to become a thing, which it won’t. I swear I’m a big boy, I’m more than capable to do it on my own.”

“Yes, because you’re so good at telling someone you like them,” said Jirou.

“You know what Jirou? Those who live in glass houses…” He gave her a pointed look causing her to mutter some choice insult phrases Sero’s way.

“Moving on,” Mina hastily smoothed over, “Oh! Inasa and Todoroki.”

“Yeah I can see it heh,” Sero shrugged, “considering they dated for a bit this summer.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, they like had a lot of fun and like I-I dunno they kept trying to make it work and it was really hard though... because of the distance. But yeah like yeah they were a thing, I think they ended it for good but I don't know...” Sero shrugged, "I'm pretty sure Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima were supposed to meet up with Inasa tonight, maybe Camie too. They might get back together, and like that would be nice..."

“Oh Sero…”

“Why are you “Oh Sero-ing” me? They make each other happy, plus it’s not like I have a stake in this.”

“Sero, it’s okay you can admit you like him, who are we going to tell?” Momo asked gently placing her hand on his back. Sero couldn’t look at her so he just responded with, “He’s my friend. How many times do I have to say that? Of course I like him, but like just as a friend. I didn’t put him on the other list you guys did, anyway...” The girls gave him a look but Sero gave them his winning smile, “who is next in this crazy game or is that it?”

“Alright…” Mina hesitated, wanting so very desperately to make sure Sero was okay. Yeah they messed with each other a lot but Sero was family to her… but the boy was stubborn as hell so she just moved forward. “Okay! Oh god! Satou and Awase!”

“LOL nope. They’d like run out of things to talk about in 5 minutes or less, so is that it?”

“No! Now, we get to the really fun part.”

“The really fun part? Oh hell, the fuck is “the fun part.””

“Yup give me 6 random numbers 1-10.”

“Mina, you totally made this game up.”

“I DID NOT! You can ask Kirishima!! I swear! We played this in middle school all the time!!!”

“What hell dimension did you guys go to middle school???”

“Oh just come on!!! You’re taking forever!”

“Because you keep talking!”

“This is ridiculous,” said Momo, “Give me the notebook Mina I’ll do it from here.”

“Oh good idea he’ll answer you without a fuss.”

“I’m not making a fuss!”

“Kinda are.”

Sero rolled his eyes and gave the random numbers to Momo, “Ok what do I need to do now?”

“Answers these honestly AND you have to explain your answer.”

“O-Okay?”

“Would you date Ojiro?”

“No, I mean he’s awesome but… it’s just… I know he has a crush on someone else and it would feel really weird if I went in there and asked him out. Like it just seems very inconsiderate and like… you know why bother asking a friend you know isn’t into you out? It will just wreck the friendship, and yeah, like who wants that, you know?”

There was a collective aw from all of the girls and Ochako reached out for Sero’s hand, “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about feelings you may or may not have for someone?”

Sero sighed, “I appreciate your attempt at ambiguity Uraraka, but um, lol yeah we’re not going there, because there are only so many times I can tell you all he’s just a friend without taping you all to the ceiling.”

“Okay would you kiss...” Momo blinked before continuing. “Oh me!”

“I would.” Sero smiled and kissed Momo on the cheek.

Momo giggled, “Aw shucks Sero.”

He snorted, “Never say that again.”

“Yeah I regretted it the instant I said it, thank you for the kiss.” She playfully shoved his shoulder with his.

“Oh anytime lol.”

“Okay would you go to First Base with Natsuo.”

Sero’s eyes bugged out of his skull, “Nooooo. DEAR GOD NO! Like you guys said he’s like 4 years older! AND I DIDN’T  REALIZE IT WAS GONNA BE LIKE THIS!!!”

“Right well, now you know for next time.”

“What makes you think I’m ever playing this stupid game ever again?”

“Because it’s ridiculous, it’s fun, and again it will determine your soulmate!" Mina said in a sing-songy tone, "Now. Would you go to second base with Awase.”

Sero went pale as a sheet, looked away and mumbled out his answer.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said… w-well, since it’s already happened I guess I gotta say yes.” Sero rubbed the back of his neck

“I’m so sorry, what?!?!!!?” They collectively screeched

“Uh. Details. Now. When the heck did this happen?!?!?!!!” Jirou demanded

"Ugh, ok... so... remember that time we had training with 2-b last trimester? The one off campus? We had that party? Awase and I got matched up for seven minutes in heaven and like neither of us had really kissed someone with tongue before… So like yeah we um started kissing and um then… u-um well... like we progressed to um making out and it was n-nice.” Sero swallowed hard, “And OK SURE maybe we got a little carried away in the moment—but like!!! IT WAS ONLY THAT LIKE ONE TIME AND NOTHING HAPPENED WE JUST MADE OUT and had somewanderinghands BUT NOTHING BELOW THE BELT!!!”

“OH MY GOD HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD US THIS BEFORE?!”

“WELL YOU WERE AT THE PARTY!!!”

“Oh my god this makes so much sense now, you looked like a rumpled mess. Did you guys ever try dating after?” Momo pressed.

“W-we might have made out a couple more times, but that was it. There was kind of no romantic feels there, as much as I wanted there to be then I could have just moved on from–”

“From?” asked Jirou.

“Nothing, no one, it doesn’t matter. Next question?”

“Would you go to Third with HA omfg Shindou.”

“Well for one, ew no. You guys said he looks like me and I can’t ever unsee that and it’s so weird to think about now. And two, he is much of an asshole as he is amazing to look at, absolutely not. Can you imagine? He’d allude it to everyone anyway. Not say it outright because you know “his image™.”

“Oh god what a nightmare yeah, besides he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Awwwwwww Mina, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“IT IS NOT I’VE SAID PLENTY OF NICE THINGS TO YOU IN THE PAST.”

“Uh-huh after you’re done torturing me that is.”

Mina gaped at him like he’d just slapped her, “RUDE.”

“Okay Sero, last one.” Momo laughed and then her eyes widened, “Oh my god. Okay just know that I did not do this on purpose. This is actually just who you got.”

“O...kay?”

“Would you go all the way with Todoroki?”

“Wh-what?”

“Would you–

Sero blinked, and interrupted, “No, I’m not answering that. There is no right answer for that. If I say no, you’re going to say I’m in denial or some bullshit.”

“You are totally in denial,” said Mina.

Sero glared, at Mina before sighing, “And if I give you my logical answer, you’re gonna make a big deal out of it and I’d rather not do this. It’s–look can we just pretend that like I said whatever you want me to say and we can move onto the movie or something?”

“But after you finish this one then we calculate your “soulmate”, with you know science.” Jirou smiled

“Right. Science. Weren’t you the one to point out how BS this concept of “MASH science” is?”

“Well yeah but this is the last one and like we don’t mean to actually bother you about this.”

“Aw yeah, come on Sero, we promise we won’t make this into a big deal. Besides it’s not fun to poke fun if you’re not actually having fun ya know?” Mina gave a very OVER enthusiastic grin, which melted Sero’s misgivings

“Oh alright.” He took in a deep breath, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Hypothetically? I would–hypothetically–b-because we’re friends and I know he wouldn’t laugh at me, or make me feel more self conscious than I already am. And that yeah, it would be awkward as hell, and sure it would be ridiculous, but it would be like nice? I don’t know, I just trust him, and I think if hypothetically we would do that… then like it would maybe even be fun? Or… I don’t know I just can’t really see even saying yes to anyone but him...” When he looked up he saw the girls’ mouths gaping, and he instantly looked away completely missing the girls’ waving and signaling for him to STOP.

“I-It like wouldn’t be weird I guess? Again, like I trust him and I-I dunno. I just think going all the way with Todoroki would feel natural instead of… terrifying ya know? And--”

Finally Mina screeched, “HI TODOROKI HOW’RE YOU DOING?!”

Everyone went completely still as Sero turned around with a breakneck speed only to see that Todoroki was not in fact out with Kirishima, Bakugou, Camie and Inasa. He was instead, standing right behind him looking pretty bewildered slapped across his face. All that could be heard next was Sero softly uttering, “o-oh fuck.”

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

The Return of Cringe-Worthy Excerpts | Old Writing #6

Hey People of Earth!

So @sarahkelsiwrites​ and I decided to play another round of Cringe-Worthy Excerpts. I’m going to explain the rules here, AKA copy and paste what I wrote last time:

Basically, she’s generating a random word, and then we both look through alllllll of our book projects and share the cringiest lines. I’m actually going to share excerpts from all my finished works, AKA, on top of my 7 real novels, I’ll be sharing from my other ‘books’ as well. So 10 rounds of cringe.

And to quote past me:

These are all unedited. I didn’t touch ‘em for this game.

If you want to take part in this, please do! Here’s a link to PART ONE if you missed it!

NUMBER ONE:

Book: Sophie and Jake (2014)

(we stopped talking about the titles ok)

Word searched: Falling (don’t have a falling, using fall)

Excerpt (bear with me I’m literally dying):

“You, you understand me.” I feel my eyes get wet. I let the tear fall off my cheek and into my lap. Jake walks over to me, and puts his arm around me. He pulls me close and mumbles in my hair. He understands me. I think. I just sit there and sob in the arms of the man I was supposed to kill.

I’m going to go scream into a pillow now.

AND HE’S A FLIPPING BOY.

NUMBER TWO:

Book: The Dreamer (2014)

(we talked about the titles before, I understand if you need to barf now)

Word searched: Area

Excerpt:

I look up at the ceiling and stare at the shiny area. “Lake?” “Yes?” “Do you really like me for what I am? Was it true when you’d told me that you like me for me, not my face?” he sighs. “I meant every single word I said. You’re my special girl.” He smiles down on me. “You know, you’re special too. I’ve met many humans in my life, but you’re the only one who helped me control my dreams. You’re the reason I don’t dream violently anymore.”

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO SHOOK IN MY LIFE OH MY GOD THIS IS ACTUALLY THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN OH MY GOD I’M DYING.

RIP RACHEL 2K17

I can’t even read that over, I’m literally covered in chills of cringe.

THE TRAUMA.

Je suis shaking.

LAKE???? NOOOO WHYYY POR QUEEEEE. ABORT MISSION ABORT. I FORGOT THAT WAS HIS NAME.

NUMBER THREE:

Book: The Treated (2014)

Word searched: Glance

Excerpt:

In and out, in and out. Calm down Meg. I keep my hands clasped tightly together and try my hardest to calm myself. I glance at my timer, forty-two seconds until Implantation. Forty-one seconds until my smile is stolen from me. Forty seconds until a chip is planted in my brain that stops me from smiling. Thirty-nine seconds before the chip is able to zap my brain if I dare raise the corners of my mouth.

‘Cos this is totally how you insert thoughts into narrative.

I don't smile anymore because of this excerpt.

NUMBER FOUR:

Book: Perks and Drawbacks (2014)

(I don't even have to share an excerpt with that cringe-ass title)

Word searched:

Excerpt:

“Yeah that’s great, get some paper will you?” he cuts me off. I stalk over to my dresser, grabbing the notebook I was using earlier and tearing two sheets from it. I grab two pencils and toss one at Gage. I hand him a sheet of paper and get back to my own. I immediately start sketching out his face shape, then his eyes. When I get to the hair I sigh, what? It takes a long time for it. I have to say, this one turns out even better than the last. I hold it up to compare it to the real thing, even though I prefer the latter. He looks up from his drawing, holding his own next to me. “Ready?” I ask, anxious. “Yep, on three, one two three!” we flip our drawing around. I immediately grab his. “Gage.” I mumble shocked. “What? Thought I couldn’t draw?” I look back down at the picture of me. It’s the moon. “That’s, wow.” I mumble again.

NOOOOOOOOOOO

Kill me.

#thatswow

#gagesoundslikesomedudethatwouldbeapartofanaltpopband

#gage

#hernameisfuckingstar

#alsotheresagirlnamedocean

#andanothergirlnamedphoenix

#andaguynamedLEAF

THAT’S WOW

NUMBER FIVE:

Book: Fostered (2014)

Word searched: Mess

Excerpt:

I love you guys, so I’m sharing two. :)

He raises the hand with his knife as to strike me with it, making half of the cage of his arms on the sides of my head disappear. I break my arm free from under him, snatching his wrist, the knife inches from me. I don’t bother trying anything else as this would mess with my plan. “You little.” He mutters, twisting my hand painfully and grabs my other, pinning them flat to the ground. I force my arms down, biting my lip from the pain. I thrust my knee into his back, flipping him over me.

#thereturnofyoulittle

#why

YOU LITTLE

“That’s easy, you don’t have to. I’m here, Ris is here, Essie’s here and we’re gonna help you too. You don’t have to be alone Reeve.” Foster answers for me, keeping his eyes on the ground, the faint tinge of pink fluttering across his cheeks. “But what if it doesn’t work out in the end? What if I mess up all over again? I’m going to trip over my own feet again, and I don’t know how to get back up again. What do I do?” I ask, my throat constricting. I feel the itch of frustrated tears sneak up on me, but I blink them back, not daring to let them spill over. By now, I realize I’m not talking about how we’re gonna get out of here. I’m talking about myself.

#fetusfosever

#immatripovermyownfeettooreeve

NUMBER SIX:

Book: This Is Where The End Starts (2014)

Word searched: White

Excerpt:

“So it’s gonna be different now, but hey, I’m here for you, okay Quinn?” she says, waiting for an answer. I stare at the ceiling, eyes sliding across the smooth white, getting lost in it, thinking of something to say. It’s a while when I finally do decide to say something, eyes now shut. She’s there for me. “Thanks.” I tell her, smile on my face.

That was the end of a scene. I wish there was more material to cringe with in this book, but for some reason I didn't actually suck as much at writing this book, even though I wrote it at the same time as FOSTERED?

NUMBER SEVEN:

Book: Hunted (Fostered #2, 2015)

Word searched: Dear

Excerpt:

“They know she’s not entirely there, so they don’t let her go anywhere. It’s pretty much a prison but I know she’s safe because of that. They won’t let her get out and she won’t leave.” His smile this time, is rueful and smaller than before, it almost dropping completely. He shrugs before shifting his eyes back over to the road, early morning sunlight filtering through the window in long rays. Harrison grabs something from the cup holder, putting the sunglasses on and grabbing me a pair from the top compartment. “Don’t want to get a headache from dear old Motherfucking Nature, now would we?” he asks me, and I look at him for a bit before lightly putting them on, the immediate relief of not having to squint through sunlight there and real. “Head better?” he murmurs after a while, speeding up, speedometer slowly ticking further to the right. “Harrison?” I croak out instead of answering his question, thinking back to when that slip of a memory came hurling back toward me when Lonan kicked me in the face. “Hmm?” I hesitate before I ask, biting my tongue hard at the throbbing of the steady pain at the back of my head. “Why’d you really help me when Lonan and Holly were gonna kill me?” I ask, hopefully nonchalant as I slowly edge myself onto the topic I really want to know about. I see him tense, bright sun outlining his silhouette. Harrison lets out a few sighs before quickly glancing at me, then to the road again. “Don’t be a fucktard,” he starts, small smile twitching at his lips. “first off, that’s not the question you were going to ask, and second, to answer that crap, it’s because I care Reeve. You seriously think I give a shit about whether or not you’re alive for the fricken government’s sake? You need to be alive because I want you alive. Tell me the real one, will you?”

Lol don’t be a fucktard - Harrison, 2k15

#italmostdroppingcompletely

#LONAAAAAAAN

#LONANBRUHYOUKICKEDHERINTHEFACEYOUDICKWADWOW

(lonan was once an antagonist)

(ha)

This was long. Because Harrison.

NUMBER EIGHT:

Book: Resisted (FOSTERED #3, 2015)

Word searched: Managing

Excerpt:

“Reeve, we need to go.” Harrison says, breaths hitching as he continues to listen to my sobbing shrieks. “Let me go, Ris! Put me down – I-I – let me please go back! [SPOILER]!” “I’m sorry –” “No!” I cry, somehow managing to squirm one arm free. I use it to push myself away, although it’s a struggle to run back into the house, passed the heavy wood door and to the kitchen where [SPOILER]’s body still lies limply, Lonan pacing a few feet away.

sobbing shrieks be like.

IS IT TOO LATE NOW TO SAY SORRYYYYY

NUMBER NINE:

Book: I’m Disappointed (2015)

(Using original draft for maximum cringe)

Word searched: Base

Excerpt:

“Yeah it is.” Her breath catches in her throat and I know she’s crying. “I’m sorry about everything, Clifford. I’m sorry that you went through such a tough time yesterday and no one was there to help you when we should’ve been. Cliff, I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re home though. I don’t know what any of us would do if you were gone.” “Lucky for you,” I sniff. “I’m not going anywhere.” Instead of leaving Grace, I take a seat on her bed, and she wheels forward. For a few minutes, we talk about yesterday. And what happened. What exactly Julian did. What I shouldn’t have. But we talk. And I like that. By the time we’re done, and I really am tired, I leave her with a final hug, and then go back to my own room, the real headache sprouting from the base of my skull, up to the tips of my ears.

I don't even know if this scene exists in the current version, LOL. Not that cringy, to be honest. For draft one, yeah, this isn't bad.

NUMBER TEN:

Sarah’s fresh outta projects, so I’m on my own!

Book: Hollowed (FOSTERED #4, 2016)

Word searched: Square

Excerpt:

It saddens me to share this excerpt since it’s so recent. lol

rip.

“Jesus, that was artful. So what? Is he sick of just being the sidekick now? He actually wants to be useful—” A hand yanks me back when I’m about to throat-punch him. When I turn around, it’s Ris. His eyes are warning and low, but he doesn’t say anything when he snatches Lincoln up by his shirt and lands a punch square on his nose for me. “Don’t fucking talk about my best friend like that,” He says, dusting his hands off as he watches blood spatter all along the floors. “You are an insignificant prick.” “God, all of you are so violent—” “Enough!” Lonan shouts, slamming his fist hard against the mahogany table. “I am done with your bullshit, I am done with your stupid words, and irritating mannerisms! If you don’t answer her questions, I’ll kill you and find my answers somewhere else! Stop prancing around like you know everything!”

lol.

the things I do for you.

IRRITATING MANNERISMS!

LONAN IS DONE!

MORTIFICATION!

plz laugh at me.

NUMBER ELEVEN:

Book: Fostered #5 (2017!)

Word searched: Least

Excerpt:

Foster woke up a few minutes ago. But before he could question what happened, I was out of there. I don’t know if Lonan and Ris are explaining what he did to me, but at this point, I’m too numb to even care. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I know something inside of him is flaking and cracking—like shattering porcelain, but I don’t know why. After at least twenty minutes have past, and no one’s come looking for me, I keep going. Deeper and deeper into the station I go, walking until my legs are tired and burning, feet are aching with the weight of my body. I walk like my problems are behind me. Leave them in the shadows flicking across the walls where they belong.

the angst.

the recent excerpts are the worst to share to be honest.

I hide.

Okay, that’s it for now! I had so much fun writing this up again, regardless if I died a couple times. I’ll link Sarah’s post above once it’s up! Hope you guys enjoyed! And if you’d like to participate, please do, and tag us!

--Rachel

[ghoultyrant]

FoZ Notes 20

Here we go. We’re really getting into Elves and the larger state of the world now!

----------------------------------

Somehow Derflinger was fully aware of everything that happened to Saito after the prior swordbody broke. He refuses to talk further on the whole "Gandalfr/Sasha using me to stab Brimir through the heart" thing because Sad.

Tiffania continuing to have self-esteem problems. Dammit. Can we go back to Badass Line Tiffania?

An island (kinda) known as the Dragon's Nest, a bizarre mass of pillars of stone sticking randomly out of the ocean. Luctiana has a friend who lives here. It used to be a volcano, but not anymore. Oh wait the buddy lives somewhere underwater. Luctiana apparently expects Tiffania and Saito to just be able to hold their breath for the whole dive, but when they object she rolls her eyes and casts a spell that lets them temporarily breathe underwater because of course such a spell exists. Oh and she makes Derflinger temporarily rustproof, because of course.

Said waterbreathing spell apparently turns water into air as it enters the throat. That... sounds really miserable, actually, but the story treats that as a perfectly good explanation with no unpleasant implications whatsoever.

Turns out Luctiana's friend is inside one of the pillars. Said friend? A massive Water Dragon called Mother Sea. She's actually a Rhyme Dragon because of fucking course. Dark silver scales that look blue at a glance somehow. Coral horns. Rhyme Dragons live long enough that Mother Sea's grandmother was a little girl six thousand years ago.

Mother Sea asserts that Rhyme Dragons have accepted they're going extinct so, like, whatever man. 's all cool dude. Bizarrely, she talks about God's will instead of, you know, the Great Purpose. And even though she keeps referring to Brimir as The Devil.

Wait, Luctiana is asserting 'barbarians' have no sense of shame in regards to kissing? Goddammit, she introduced herself completely naked and soaking wet! This isn't even cultural difference stuff with deliberate irony. This is just shit writing.

Finally get explicit confirmation that Shaitan's Gate/Devil's Door is the same place Halkeginians call the Holy Land. Derflinger alludes to a "Teleportation Gate", which is probably the same thing. I can already see the writing on the wall: whatever idiocy I'm imagining now regarding the Gate, canon will trump it.

There's a, what, third kind of Water Dragon? It gets compared to both eels and crocodilians. And it's a dumb, aggressive creature. You know, like Saito.

Derflinger just... talking underwater, ain't no thang. I... can't really criticize it (It’s not like he’s got vocal chords or whatever) but I still don't like it.

Submarine hidden in the sea nearby Dragon's Nest. Nuclear sub, specifically. And somehow Saito's Weapon Feedback Bullshit allows Derflinger to know that its power source is 'particles banging into other particles'. aaaargh

To no one's surprise except Saito (because he's retarded) the nuclear sub has nuclear weaponry. Shocking.

Oh my fucking god Luctiana ALSO has a spell for allowing people to talk underwater. (The quality gets compared to a shoddy radio)

For a minute there I thought the author was going to be quasi-intelligent and have Saito consider threatening the Elves by firing the nuke from the submarine. There'd be a lot of problems with this idea, but they're manageable, particularly when you consider that Colbert is a TinkerSpark. But noooo, Saito has looted the thing -because nuclear ICBMs are very small and lightweight, you see- and is thinking to himself how he can threaten the Elves via manually detonating the thing. This is insanely stupid nonsense, quite literally suicidal, and if he has to get close to detonate the thing they can just, you know, wreck the nuke -nukes aren’t even something that detonates explosively when shocked or something! This is just a bad plan on every level I can think of.

Supposedly the familiar summoning spell's words don't matter, only the feeling "in your heart". I have manifold issues with this claim, particularly since it's being introduced out of nowhere to justify Tiffania performing the summoning when the story finally feels like having it actually happen.

Oh my fucking god we FINALLY got a kind of explanation for Tiffania having a Ring of Andvari! Only ten volumes too late! Still no explanation for how she knew how to use the damn thing, though. Oh, and Elf Mom died by lol throwing herself in front of Tiffania when a knight tried to kill Tiffania. Yeah. Sure. THAT makes sense for an all-powerful wargod (ie an FoZ Elf) to do, as opposed to... casting Counter, or making the knight's head explode, or whatever.

Seriously fuck this author.

Elven council meeting room... is at the top of the tower? That's not what we were told last volume. [I seem to have lost almost all my notes from last volume on the Elves? Not sure how that happened. You’re not missing much, though]

"Steed-blooded party", an Elven political faction. They seem to be the Elven version of ultraconservative Catholics. Bidashal hates them.

As is typical of Japanese fiction, political leaders just don't want any fuckups happening on their watch so that nobody can blame them for said fuckups. So the Elven council is a bunch of people who don't want to do anything because they might get blamed if things don't work perfectly.

Bidashal is the Chairman of the Barbarian Countermeasures Committee.

For some reason, the Elves A: know Luctiana brought Saito to the Dragon's Nest and B: find this utterly horrifying. [The second bit actually kind of makes sense later. The first bit is never explained or justified]

Turuk is the current head of the Elven council. He's an old man in the same mold as Osmond, though so far not perverted, just a drunkard... wait a second. Osmond is supposed to be OLD, when we're introduced to him! Like possibly over two centuries old! I think the author entirely forgot about that, given how the story has been talking about Halkeginian and Elven ages for volumes unending.

Elves have a crime of "ethnic rebellion". It's unclear what it is, other than punishable with death. Really not selling me on this noble, peaceful Elves thing, here. The "Steel-bloodedparty" is all about killing traitors and 'devils', further undercutting said noble/peaceful thing. For that matter, the idea that they're wise and stuff is being undercut by how politicking for personal gain is occurring even though the Elves basically think they're on the verge of an apocalypse.

The Dragon's Nest apparently is where Earth crap gets dumped en mass by interdimensional shenanigans.

It's a super-duper secret that Shaitan's Gate connects to our Earth. 'Devils' seems to get used to mean Earth humans.

Elven "Nydus" Navy is made of "Dragon Whales". They look exactly like whales, but with scales. No, really, that's what the text says. I’m not mocking it here. I wish I was mocking it.

Fatima Hadat. A Steel-Blooded Party Elf woman with no practical combat experience but a drill sergeant's attitude anyway. She's trying to make up for an aunt's shameful behavior. Also Steel-Blooded Party members are Soviet Union people?? (Comrade etc etc all the time)

Mother Sea has been collecting the junk from Earth, thinking it's Halkeginian or Elven litter, basically.

Finally the story reveals that Dragon's Nest is Shaitan's Gate/the Holy Land. Credit where it's due: this makes perfect sense and I failed to figure it out before the story spelled it out. Six thousand years ago, this area was dry land.

Elves have rifling, Halkeginians... also have it, but nobles have suppressed it because they don't want peasantry getting good weapons. Eeeeeh. We also hear some nonsense about Halkeginian nobles believing weapons to be 'the path to evil'. Since when? And this is from the omniscient narrator, keep in mind, not some biased character where I could assume they’re just out of touch with the rest of their culture.

I just realized I'm halfway through this volume and Louise hasn't had ANY screentime. Would like to punch the author now.

Saito theorizing Derflinger has an Imp-style memory block Sasha put on him that prevents him from remembering things if they would threaten Elves. Sorry, no, shit explanation. A for effort, F for execution.

Random assertion from Derflinger that only 'skilled' Elves can use Counter. You know, that way we can justify Saito being able to win against Elves even though Louise is absent from the plot. Narratively-convenient construction strikes for the five millionth time! Don't think too hard about the fact that he's facing Elven soldiers who logically should be trained fighters, you'll just get an aneurysm and/or an all-consuming desire to murder the already-dead author.

Elves have Windstone-powered guns that work wet.

Oh. Here's the idiotic payoff of all this shit of Tiffania wanting to meet "Elves like her mother": her mom is Fatima's shame-bringing aunt, and Fatima recognizes her ring’s remains (Because remember, the Stone of Andvari part got used up) and gets pissed. sigh

WHAT the FUCK. Tiffania casting Summon Familiar SUMMONS FUCKING SAITO.

NO. THAT IS BULLSHIT. THIS IS THE FUCKING WORST.

YES IT'S BEING USED TO TURN SAITO INTO A FUCKING GODDAMN DOUBLEFAMILIAR KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

Over with Vittorio he's talking with Julio about feeling bad about his lies: A, there is no 'device'. B, the Void ritual won't stop the Wind Stone Catastrophe. Sasha, the elf, was Gandalfr+other familiar six thousand years before Saito ARGHBLARGHLE THIS STORY IS SHIT

Now Julio is ALSO BECOMING A DOUBLEFAMILIAR BECAUSE HE'S AN EVEN BIGGER MARY SUE THAN SAITO MURDERVERYTHINGIT'STHEONLYWAY

Ominous dialogue implying it's somehow critically important to have the master/familiar folk die while in love with each other.

Elven airships are dragon-towed. The story pretends like this is a superior methodology to Halkeginian airships. Pffffff.

Utterly bullshit claim that Elves perform trade with Halkeginians, implied claim that Halkeginian nobles hate Elves but civilians aren't afraid of them or anything. So all that shit earlier of peasants thinking Elves are cannibals and so on? lol whatever man consistency is for, like, non-shit writers.

So remember how before there was a Germanian castle at the border of the Elf/Germanian border, in desert? Yeah, NOW there's "the Unexplored Lands", a vat region of forest and plains mostly occupied by demi-humans and separating Elven desert from Germanian land. Consistency is for losers lol!!! (Beastmen, ogres, and avianmen, specifically, not that this means much to the audience)

So you remember how alchemy/transmutation is the most basic of earth magics? Hahahahaha the author doesn't, asserting that Guiche is useless in an aerial battle because earth affinity lol.

Claim Elven airships have never lost to Halkeginian airships.

The Sahara has wild boars. I have no idea how plausible this is, so I’ll let it ago. Even if it is bullshit, it just does not rate compared to the whirling shitstorm of everything else going on.

This volume and the previous are implying there's a fair amount of language shenanigans occurring in the original Japanese. Stuff like Elf/people of the desert and Void/work of the devil being indicated to have been said via kanji shenanigans. I'm sort of disappointed at the evidence being that the unusual choice for desert Elves is probably just a pun that’s not surviving into English.

Urge to kill rising. Ali just saved Saito and Tiffania because... ostensibly because he's saving Luctiana and so he will need their help since saving her makes him a race traitor, but that's bullshit. It's just a super-thin way of ALMOST killing off Tiffania for DRAMA and then not having it stick. Fuck this writer.

Ali ALSO grabbed Fatima, because of fucking course.

So after making a big deal about that submarine [As in: Luctiana found the idea of an undersea boat just fucking unimaginable, and not in the “there’s no way barbarians have pulled that off!” sort of way, but in the “That’s not a thing anyone could possibly do!” sort of way] earlier... it turns out Elves have submarines based on having the Stupid Breed kind of Sea Dragon drag around an airfilled whatsit. This is fucking ridiculous, it's like the author has an active hatred of consistency and quality.

End volume.

--------

Aaaaand that's all she wrote.

Volume 21 is barely translated, and volume 22 isn't translated at all. So I'm done until such time as volume 21 gets translated.

This fucking series, goddamn.

So, since it's not gotten into by this point in the story, I went and used the Familiar of Zero wiki to look up what the fourth Familiar actually does: firstly, they can burn their life force to enhance their master's spells. Which. Why? The story has already established that people can do this with their own life force, why does it require a specific special familiar to be able to tap someone else's life force? Secondly, they can "stockpile spells" to "turn themselves into basically a bomb", whatever the wiki means by that.

Honestly, I'd forgive basically anyone for throwing it out entirely and replacing it with something more consistent with the other Void Familiars. Oh, and if I haven't mentioned it already, the name is Lífþrasir, supposed to be "the heart of God".

So. Yeah. I could see someone having coasted through the prior volumes, not thinking too hard and not noticing how the story is inconsistent nonsense, but holy fuck are we experiencing a sudden, extreme dip in quality. And the worst part is it looks like much of it was intended for a long time, so I don’t think I can blame this on whatever killed the author, if he like died of illness or something.

Fuck this series.

[livrelady]

#dwedit#dwgif#doctor who#dw#doctor x rose#tentoo x rose#tentoorose#timepetals#tentoo#metacrisis doctor#rose tyler#scifigifs#usertom#userlanie#they're the torchwood/unit dream team and to even think otherwise is crazy#her face lol. ten like oh noooo not a version of me who is a bit more like the me she originally fell in love with ahaha#him being a little more 'alpha' (as david and billie put it) is not an issue trust me#that was ten projecting bc davros tried him mentally and emotionally#guns / (X)

i support their wrongs