#her disdain was so tangible lol

[wine4thewin]

Chani, anytime she hears someone refer to Paul Atreides as Lisan al Gaib or Mahdi:

Meanwhile, Lady Jessica & her psychic unborn baby hearing the same thing:

[hobiwonder]

kiss my soul | (m)

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Smut. Incubus!Namjoon. 

Warnings: Unprotected sex, exhibitionism, dirty talk, marijuana use, first time, unrealistically good first time bc it’s namjoon and he’s a demon lol

Summary: Namjoon needed a fix. He needed it fast before the consequences were fatal.

a/n: it’s here finally. i hope you guys semi enjoy this! let me know what you think and don’t forget to check out other stories in this collab :) this was a last minute story lol rbfgbieeifhwkf. I incorporated the first time request in this story as well.

“You sure you don’t want to come? I heard everyone is going.” Soobin is wiggling her eyebrows at you while she rummages through the same pile of clothes for the tenth time, probably thinking she’ll come across something new.

“That’s what you say every time.” You try not to be rude and roll your eyes at her but it was true. This wasn’t the first party she had said the exact same thing about. Finally grabbing the little black dress she’d been eyeing, she’s plopping on the bed next to you, almost knocking over your laptop.

“Yeah but, this time everyone will be there. Like, the seniors, football team and,” she hesitates slightly but not out of fear or uncertainty, “Kim Namjoon.” She whispers his name like it was a secret that only a few people knew in murmurs and gossip. Maybe that’s why it sends a slight shiver down your spine hearing the campus dealer’s name again. He was definitely not the crowd you mingled with. Or knew how to mingle with.

“So? It’s not like I know him…” Of course, Soobin won’t leave it alone, only sighing in exasperation when she didn’t really need to be this dramatic.

“And you never will if you stay cooped up in this room! Come on! Just go this once? You need some friends.”

“I have friends.” Your mumble is barely tangible but she has probably memorised the shape of your lips whenever they form these exact same words.

“Other than me.” Her glare can be felt on your back – that you’ve turned as she changes. She doesn’t mind you watching but you definitely did. You wouldn’t want anyone seeing you naked while you change so god knows how she can handle it.

“You know that I don’t really have problems with just one friend, right? This is why-”

“-Why you started mid-year so you wouldn’t have to be forced into making friends yeah yeah.” She’s waving her hand in dismissal but you only send her a sweet smile.

“See? You get it. Now go and have fun drinking, dancing and… whatever it is that you do there.” Soobin just scoffs at your nonchalant shrug, curling her hair while she watches you in the mirror.

After about 3 minutes, you’re starting to get jittery at her stares. “Okay, what?”

“If you go to one party with me I won’t annoy you anymore.” Exhaling, you’re actually kind of considering this. Maybe you can get her off your back about being ‘out there’ if you just show up to one.

“Fine. I’ll go but-” her face is lighting up like a hundred watt bulb until you put up your finger to slow down whatever plan is running through her head. “Not today. The next one.”

She’s shrieking as she lunges for you, hugging you tightly like you told her she won a million dollars or something. “I can accept that. Eee! I’m so excited.”

Her excitement is a little contagious and for some reason you feel yourself looking forward to actually going. Maybe it won’t be that bad after all. As long as you had her to guide you through. This was not your forte and you’d never been to any sort of party other than prom.

“Promise you won’t ditch me? I have never been to a party before.” You figured there was no way of hiding that fact anymore and judging by her face she probably expected it too.

“I won’t! But I honestly can’t understand how you’ve been so oblivious to the social side of college or even high school. Did you guys not have parties?”

“Well, my town was pretty small. And my mom is very,” you try to find the right words that don’t sound as harsh as they did in your mind, “conservative. So I didn’t really do much back home.” Shrugging your shoulders, you feel the wave of nostalgia crash when you remember the simpler life back home a couple hours from your university and even a slight disdain for your mother for keeping you so sheltered that just even the thought of attending a gathering of people outside of class gave you anxiety.

“Hey, it’s okay. This is college and you’re far away from your mom. So, time to do everything that you were told not to.” Her eyebrows are wiggling again and you can’t help but laugh at her goofy face.

“No thanks. I’ll stick to trying to have my first drink. Or not. I hope I don’t die.” Could one die from having a drink of alcohol in their 20s? Was that too late?

“Oh stop. You’ll be fine. You have to try everything once okay?” you opt for paying attention to the laptop screen as you take notes from the lecture that you missed.

“Y/N!”

“Fine! Gosh. As long as they aren’t narcotics, I’ll… give it a try? Wait not. I’m scared.” You lean back, making a horrified face when the image of you passed out on some fraternity’s couch floods your brain. Okay maybe you have a completely wrong perception of college culture.

“No need to.” Soobin is getting up to finish up her makeup as she continues. “As long as you get the stuff from Namjoon, you’ll be on cloud 9 babe. He’s the real deal.”

In the few months you’ve been here, you’ve heard the mysterious name more than a dozen times and all those times, it had been in whispers. You had yet to see him up close because the glimpse you got the other week while you were coming back to your dorm from the pharmacy was too good to be true. All his angles had been sharp as glass, lips plump and made you bite yours, body proportions that you’d only seen on super models in the many magazines Soobin read. He was so beautiful you’d stopped in your tracks until your eyes had locked with his own, catching you staring at him like a fool. You remembered the way all the blood in your body had rushed to your cheeks and yet, all this movement of your blood in your body didn’t translate in to your limbs moving with it. You’d been frozen on spot, looking back in to his dark eyes until Soobin had clutched your arm, shrieking in your ear about Kim Namjoon.

Maybe you saw him at night so he looked better than he actually was? You’re hoping that’s true because you’re not sure you can really enjoy a party he’s at since your body seems to grow restless around his presence. It’s like it knows that Namjoon is in close proximity. He makes your blood sing and you want nothing more than to get closer.

“Who exactly.. is he?” Soobin is taking in a sharp breath as if just remembering him brings her great gratification.

“He’s a senior in Music. Resident dealer that has a seemingly endless supply of weed. But he adds something to it. No one knows what it is but it’s damn good. Plus, he only sleeps with you if it’s your first time. In fact, I lost my virginity to him. It was almost…. Supernatural.”

Her sigh of contentment is very telling when she doesn’t say anything else for the next few minutes, seeming to be in deep thought remembering the said moment. Your own cheeks are going red at the mention of losing virginity because you certainly haven’t lost yours yet.

“What if it’s harmful? Do people not care?” She shrugs again.

“Nothing has happening to anyone yet. His older brother dealt the same thing. Plus, it’s not like he’s forcing you to take it. Unsurprisingly, his clientele is mostly females since most of the guys hate that he pulls.”

“That sounds very cliché. Hot guy every other guy hates and every girl loves? There must be a catch.”

“There is. I just told you about it. He only sleeps with virgins.” She’s pouting at you like it’s such a great inconvenience for her that she isn’t.

“But why?” You couldn’t seem to wrap your head around the fact that a very experienced man would want to sleep with very inexperienced women. You thought it was the exact opposite?

“I don’t know.” She seems to be thinking over that fact for the first time too. Like she hadn’t questioned it before. “I don’t know of anyone who’s slept with him twice. Oh other than Hyuna. Though she’s hot on another level so I can see why he would say yes to her. I’d totally bang her.”

Your cheeks are screaming once again at the mention of the – yes, insanely attractive – female. She seemed to hang around that crowd too since you never really saw her outside of that group. Only glimpses.

“Are they dating by any chance?” While you talk to Soobin, you open another tab on your laptop, typing the two names that you both were having a conversation about and bookmark the facebook page that shows up. You’ll have to look these people up if you were going to come face to face with them. Soobin’s snort however, snaps you out of your little bookmark spree and you close the lid shut when she walks to the side where her heels and other shoes were lined up.

“No way. She is just like Namjoon. She sleeps with guys once and then moves on. Maybe Namjoon is just one of those guys who’s all in to purity and shit.”

“Weird.” You can’t help but mumble as you think over her response.

“Weird but hot. If only he’d let me in his pants again.” She’s groaning as you roll your eyes once more at her. She always sounds like she’s in chronic pain when she isn’t getting laid.

“It can’t have been that much better than other guys you’ve… been with.” You wince at your hesitation. Hoping to not offend her but she just giggles in response.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to be mad at you for little things like this y/n. And to answer your question,” she falls back down on the bed once again as she stairs up at the ceiling wistfully, “Yes. It was. It’s like I don’t remember anything at all but at the same time I do. It was almost… magical. I know it sounds cheesy but I can just remember that it was the best night of my life.”

You’re so pulled in to her story, leaning your head on your palms as you listen to her recall her first time. Would it be like this for you too? Would he be that great?

“Is someone thinking about doing the dirty with Namjoon?” She’s whistling at your reddening face and you don’t even try to deny the fact that you’d been fantasising about it.

“W-When you say it like that.” You don’t meet her inquisitive eyes as she just laughs, turning her gaze back to the ceiling and pulling you with her so you both stared up like the white paint held some sort of profound meaning and answers to life.

“I felt like I was high but I don’t remember taking anything before. Maybe I did? I don’t know. I just felt like I was floating and it didn’t hurt at all. Felt really sore the next day though.” She turned to face you, making a face in distaste.

“My head hurt like a bitch and I had to like, take a few days and rest. But that was probably my hangover.” Soobin just shrugs and gets up, putting on her high heels and grabbing her purse.

“My point is, you’re lucky you have the option to have your first time with someone like Namjoon.”

“I-I never said I wanted to.” You’re getting up from the bed to lock the door once she’s gone. Hoping that you’ve made a face strict enough that she believes you even just a little bit that you didn’t want anything physical to do with Kim Namjoon. He sounded like…. Too much for you.

“You say that now. We’ll see! Bye, don’t wait up!” She’s giggling as she runs off with the other girls standing and waiting in the hallway.

“I won’t.” You’re just mumbling to yourself as you close the door, heart slightly pounding and you’d only been just talking about the mysterious Namjoon.

Not long after, you’re climbing back on to your bed, bringing the bookmarked tabs back up as Namjoon’s sultry eyes appear once again. Scrolling through his profile, the information there is limited. You don’t find much more than just a picture that had been uploaded 4 years ago. Had he not changed it? Maybe he wanted it that way because of the ‘business’ he was involved in. There are a couple of other pictures taken in the same year with Hyuna and a few other men that you recognize from campus as well. You’d only seen them around once or twice but never at day time either. It was obvious they were a clique.

In each photo, Namjoon seemed to look intensely at the camera. You’re mesmerized momentarily, just by a picture. Watching his droopy eyes looking right back at you. What was is about his eyes that reeled you in so? You never wanted to look away and yet you wanted to scroll away at the same time. In fact, all the men in the picture gazed intensely at the camera lens as if they knew someone was looking back at them. Just imagining that face above yours sends a shiver down your spine and quickly, you’re exiting out of the tab. Too overwhelmed. If you were going to feel this overwhelmed from just one picture that maybe you couldn’t do this.

You were probably over thinking it. Maybe you won’t even come in to contact with him at all. And who said he’ll even take a liking to you? You were pretty average in all aspects. Yeah maybe a little above average in your studies but that was it, really. So it probably won’t be the way you were thinking. Like he was going to pick you, specifically, out of the crowd and ask to take away your virginity.

“Namjoon.” Unknowingly, you’d been whispering his name as thoughts of him ran through your head. Why was there such little information about him online when so many people seem to know him? You didn’t understand.

You phone pings indicating you’d received a message. Bringing up your phone, you see a photo message from Soobin. Clicking on the image to load, her smiling face pops up with a couple of other girls from your area standing beside her, smiling up at the camera. Smiling, you’re just about to lock your phone again until a certain pair of eyes have you doing a double take at the photo.

Clicking the image and dragging two of your fingers apart to enlarge the photo, you can clearly see Namjoon’s familiarly intense eyes peering in to yours. Your blood runs cold just for a moment as you blink a few times to make sure he was actually looking at the camera or just somewhere beside. But even blinking a few times doesn’t make the intense pair of eyes go away or look somewhere else. He was definitely looking in to the camera.

Your eyebrows furrow at how eerie it was that you’d been just looking at his photos and now.. he was looking in to the camera like he knew the photo was being sent to you. Like he knew… your phone is suddenly dropping from your clutch as you bring your hands up to your mouth, eyes wide. Wait could he know? What if there was some sort of software that told you who was looking at your page? Was your webcam hacked? You shake your head at that thought when you see the band aid on the camera lens. No way anyone was able to see anything. You were just being paranoid. This is why you didn’t want to go outside and socialise.

“This is exactly why you have to socialise!” Soobin is shrieking at you – while you try not to bleed out of your ears -  as she curls your hair. It was a week after you’d agreed to attend one of the many parties held at the frats every Saturday. Soobin had come home last week and hadn’t been able to shut up since about how boring the party was since Namjoon and his crew of attractive men were apparently not there despite you having seen him in the background of the picture you saw. When you’d tried to show her what you meant, she’d still hadn’t been able to see his sparkly eyes in the background. Much of your time had been spent since then to try and convince her that Namjoon was definitely there in the photo.

“I don’t see him y/n. You just want him so badly that you’re seeing things.” She’s singing mockingly – playfully – as she curls the last few bits of your long hair. You were wearing the shortest dress you owned – it reached just above the knees – and unsurprisingly, it was white. The tops were lace that framed your décolletage modestly. The only ‘immodest’ thing you could see that your mother would definitely scold you about were the spaghetti straps. It was the closest thing you owned to a dress that didn’t look like you were going to church. Which you still hadn’t gone to ever since you’d arrived in the city. You really needed to go to the nearest community church and introduce yourself. Your mother’s incessant voice was scolding and shaming you in the back of your head the longer you stalled. Tomorrow you definitely will.

“I’m not! I don’t know what’s wrong with your eyes. He is in the back it’s so obvious.” You can’t help the pout when you’re trying to convince her for the thousandth time that you saw him looking straight in the camera but somehow she can’t see him. You hadn’t even told her about the dreams you’d had of him every night this past week. Watching yourself walk a dimly lit pathway in a strange building until you reached the room he sat in. Every dream ended as soon as you opened the door, never being able to quite have good look apart from a glimpse of Namjoon’s face.

“Y/n, he wasn’t even there so I don’t know how you saw him let alone him looking straight in to the camera. Don’t you think I would’ve noticed him when I was sending it to you?”

You shrug, wincing when she pulls on a tendril a little too hard. “Maybe you were too drunk.”

“I wish. It was pretty tame and boring last week. So no. I wasn’t drunk.” She’s glaring at you through the mirror while you just avert your gaze. Maybe you were confused… hm.

“Okay! All done. Now, let me quickly change and we’ll go.” She’s scurrying off to change in the bathroom for once and you just look at the final result in the mirror.

You looked pretty but still you. You who was very unaware and ignorant to the life you were about to go experience. Maybe you should adjust the way you stand so you don’t look completely like a fish out of water?

“What are you doing weirdo.” Soobin is chuckling behind you while you quickly straighten up.

“I don’t know. I look so… me. I feel like ‘I’m a virgin’ is written across my forehead or something.”

“You’re fine babe.” She’s squeezing your shoulder from behind as she smiles kindly at you. She was gorgeous. She looked gorgeous in no matter what she wore so maybe it was easy for her to say. But nonetheless, your nerves ease enough for you to grab your purse as you both lock hands and walk out.

When you both arrive, the heavy bass can be almost felt from outside the building. Crowds of people loitering the front porch and your nerves are already kicking in.

“Soo…,” you sound just as unsure as you felt. There were bodies everywhere and you could feel your anxiety about to kick in. You were so out of depth.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’ll be fun!” She’s smiling widely at you as she grabs your hand, leading you inside ahead of you. Both of you have to slide between bodies of strangers who are dancing, drinking or doing both. While Soobin seems to slither away with ease as she smiles charmingly, saying hi to some and ‘excuse me’ to some, you feel the exact opposite. You’re sure your face looks horrified to some degree and the curious looks from other people just confirms your suspicion.

“Gosh, it’s packed today!” She’s looking around happily, having to scream a little so you can hear her.

“Y-Yeah.” Your nervous laugh goes unnoticed in the loud booming noise of the sultry music.

“I’m glad you came with me this week and not last.” She’s laughing as she flips her hair, watching the two boys who were looking her way ever since you two stopped near anther hallway.

“Yeah I’m not so sure..” looking around, you don’t see a single familiar face. You can definitely feel people looking at you and probably how out of place you looked but that could also be your brain making you overthink.

“Don’t flake out on me now. I’ll go get us a drink!” Before you can stop her she’s disappeared off to probably where the drinks table was. You remember seeing it when you entered but there were too many people here to figure out on your own where it was. Thinking it safer to stay put than wander around, you lean back against the wall, trying to look around insouciantly at the crowd. As soon as you lock eyes with one of the boys dancing on the floor, your gaze is turning down and you take out your phone to fiddle with it while waiting for Soobin.

Unknowingly, you pull up the picture that she had sent last week and instantly, you can see Namjoon’s eyes once more.

“How…,” you keep exiting out of the messages app and entering again just to make sure you weren’t seeing things. And you definitely weren’t. Where was Soobin? You needed to show her this. Looking up, you walk forward a little bit, hoping to see her among the crowd but you can’t see anything in this dim light. What you do see, however, is how familiar the hallway besides you looked. Trying to rake your brain for answers, you decide to have a look. Why did it feel like you’d been here before when this was your first time coming to this frat house?

You walk a little further towards the darker hallway, lit with a dim yellow light right at the end of it. All breath is sucked out of you when you realise where you’d seen it before. Every marking on the wall starts to come back to you when you remember the exact place you’d been dreaming about this past week. You can feel the skin of your arm raising up in goosebumps, mouth running dry as you continue to stare. How did you dream about a place you’d never seen before? How was this possible. What was even more eerie was how your body had started to take you further in to the hallway as if moving on its own accord. You find yourself bracing your hands against the walls as you walk forward, reaching the end of the hallway. With every step, you felt yourself growing calmer and calmer.

Why did you feel like this was what you were supposed to do? You didn’t even know where you were going but your feet seemed to. Somehow, you’d lost all control of your body and you weren’t nearly as scared as you thought you would be. Turning to the right where you saw a door, just like in your dream, you walk further towards it. Your fingers reach forward on the handle as you gulp in the saliva that had pooled in your mouth all of a sudden. When you open the door, even though you know to some extent what will greet you, you still close your eyes, afraid that this unnerving coincidence was not that at all. A coincidence.

“Hello, y/n.” The deep, euphonious voice sends a shiver down your spine so violently that you’re stumbling forward in the room, breath held but eyes finally open and coming face to face with Namjoon. How did you know he would be here? How did he know your name? Did he know you were coming in? He sure sounded like he was expecting you. And just as you had expected before, you were awestruck at his beauty and once again, his sharpest and the most attractive feature were his smouldering eyes. Looking at you like he wanted to devour you.

“H-Hi?”

“She’s cute.” Your head jerks towards the female voice and the blush creeps up on your skin furiously when you see her on the lap of another man who you would think looked a bit forlorn with her on his lap if it wasn’t for the possessive way he was holding on to her.

“And all mine.” Namjoon sounds even more menacing than he looks while the girl in question, who you recognize as Hyuna, just smirks and resumes placing kisses on the boy’s long neck. You should be turning away and running out. This was no place for you with Namjoon sitting on the couch, legs splayed like he owned the place while unfamiliar girls sat at each side, kissing his neck, caressing his hair.

This was too scandalous for you and yet your eyes took in their every lustful look. “Come on. Don’t be shy, y/n.”

Something about his smile is so reassuring and has such a calming effect on you once again that you’re walking forward with ease, almost in a trance until you come to a halt in front of him. What was happening to you? You were being so reckless and yet, you physically couldn’t stop yourself. For all you knew, he could be a murderer. Oh god.

It’s not until you’ve been tugged down on his lap that you snap out of your inner monologue and notice the thick smoke surrounding you, lacing the air that you breathe in. It didn’t reek heavily of marijuana and you wonder if it’s because of that ‘secret’ ingredient that Soobin said Namjoon used. When his hands slither around your waist, you can feel your flesh getting covered in goosebumps, skin feeling like it had been electrified where he touched. Your back straightened slightly at the contact, in turn pushing out your chest involuntarily closer to his.

“H-How do you know m-my name?” Namjoon just continues to stare you down, a playful smile on his lips as his other hand also clambers up your thigh where your dress had ridden up a fair bit.

“Don’t be like this, love. You know we’ve met before.” Your breathing had picked up significantly and you think you might faint as your mind wanders back to the strange dreams you’ve been having. And the photo… Namjoon has not broken character. He’s as put together as you’re about to lose it. His warm hands caressing your back and thigh are not helping. Not to forget the salacious noises coming from Hyuna and her boytoy who are now locked in a heavy embrace.

“T-That’s not possible. I-I have to go. I-” you’re shaking your head while closing your eyes for just a second to gather your thoughts. Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea.

“Y/n.” Your body halts where it is on his lap at his commanding tone. “Sit. Here, take this, darling.”

You can see him reaching besides him where the smoking cigarette lay, almost looking like a cigar, before bringing the sweet smelling stick towards you. Namjoon makes sure to keep his eyes locked on to yours when he parts his luscious lips, wrapping them tantalising around the thick object and takes in a deep drag while his eyes close as well. It’s the single most erotic thing you’d seen tonight. Or maybe ever. You’re mesmerised as you watch him hold in the smoke in his mouth for a few seconds before he’s bringing his face even closer to yours and then blowing the smoke gently, right on to your face.

Your eyes close on instinct, anticipating a foul smell or for your eyes to burn. But as surprising as everything else tonight, no such thing happens. Instead, you can feel yourself breathing the sweet yet earthy scent in even deeper, lungs seeming to not be able to get enough of the thick smoke inside. When your eyes open, you find Namjoon’s sparkling ones staring right at you.

“You want more?” There is no question about you being under the influence of something at this stage. Whatever it was that Namjoon was making you inhale – it was messing with your brain and making you that much more receptive to everything that was happening. You didn’t feel the need to suddenly get up and go. Instead, your hands found purchase on the silk of his shirt as he took in another deep drag of the cigar. You had your eyes closed, ready for the gust of smoke to hit your nostrils but instead, you feel Namjoon’s nimble fingers taking a hold of your chin as your eyes fall open in surprise.

The next thing he does almost makes you faint but you just hang on to him tighter, knuckles turning white as he taps his fingers on to your lips in a signal for you to part them. Your eyes are wide, a small moan escaping your mouth that’s painted red and then – Namjoon is exhaling the thick translucent smoke right in to your mouth. You could feel the warmth of his lips that almost touched yours and the closeness only makes you yearn to have them locked with yours.

“You liked that baby?” Every movement from his mouth can faintly be felt on your lips – that’s how close he is. But for some reason, he doesn’t close the distance. Though the strange wetness between your thighs makes you want to rub them together until you would no doubt chafe them. Your shifting on his lap however, has him looking down with you but he doesn’t look as clueless as you. Instead, he’s biting his lip, a heavy hand running down your thigh before running up on the insides of it – dangerously close to your white cotton panties. If you’d known you’d be lured in to Namjoon’s sex dungeon, you would’ve worn something sexier.

The thought has your eyes going wide – remembering Soobin’s words.

He only sleeps with virgins.

Did he plan to have sex with you? Were you ready for that?

Before you can comprehend anything else, you’re blurting out the words as they form on your tongue while the smoke has clouded your brain, giving you courage you otherwise wouldn’t have. “A-Are you going to h-have sex with me?”

His body is rumbling with the laugh that he lets out, head tilting slightly backwards revealing the long column of his throat. You never thought someone just merely laughing – and at you no less – could look this picturesque. His hands have started to play with the hem of your dress while you wait for him to reply. When he finally looks back at you, the playfulness is replaced with something more carnal.

“Do you want me to?” Did you? Your body was humming with need when just an hour ago you weren’t even sure you wanted to stay at the party.

Namjoon’s hand that had been on your thigh was now drawing irregular shapes on the exposed skin, making it harder for you to think straight when each touch of his finger sent a jolt of need straight to your core.

“You don’t exactly have the luxury to choose Namjoon. Don’t be a fool and stop playing with your food.”

Once again you’d forgotten that Hyuna was right behind you but when you see her walking towards the door with the man she’d been with, your nerves come back at the prospect of being left alone with Namjoon. Were you safe here? What did she mean by food? All these questions are running through your head as everyone leaves the room one by one until you’re left completely alone with Namjoon.

He’s staring at you like he wants to devour you and you wonder if Hyuna meant that figuratively. How else could she possibly mean?

“Don’t be scared, love. I’m very gentle.” The way he tilts his head, a small grin on his face – it all makes you forget whatever it was that you were worried about. The burning needs is even more noticeable now as Namjoon’s large hands slip down to your bottom, pulling on your hips to slide you further up his lap.

“Lift up for me, y/n.” His voice is even while your breathing is not. You’ve never been in a compromising position like this with another man let alone one as attractive, terrifying and mysterious as him. Now that your legs were on either side of his body, your dress had all but been shifted up your ass most likely exposing your cotton panties. Not only that but the dampness of your panties was very much getting worse – Namjoon probably able to feel your arousal if he just slipped his hand a little further down. At this point, you were trying to not faint in his lap while under the influence of whatever the mysterious cigar had been – yet, you’re not feeling frightened or even the slightest worry. Instead, the excitement is bubbling deep within your core making you squirm under his heavy gaze.

“You smell divine little bird.” His hands have started to caress your back, fingers dancing along your spine while his gaze holds yours hostage. If you thought staring at his eyes through a photo was overwhelming – looking in to the dark irises now was an entirely different experience. The pounding of your heart is intense and loud – being able to feel your chest ‘thud’ with every beat.

A breath leaves escapes when Namjoon’s hands put pressure on the curve of your back, making your body move in a provocative rhythm with the heavy, muted music that can be heard from outside, making the actions even more wicked. The steady trickle of arousal from your core making your underwear stick to the contours of your pussy as the bundle of nerves situated above grazed the denim of Namjoon’s tight jeans with every roll of your hips. Soon enough, you’ve started to control the rhythm on your own as wicked desire has taken a hold of all of your senses – all worry and apprehension long dissipated in to the thick smoky air.

“N-Namjoon.” His name falls from your lips like a plea and his smirk only deepens as he sits back, settling in to the plush couch while a hand stays at the curve of your back to guide each movement.

“Hmm… you’re really good at this despite your inexperience little bird.” The pet name has you even more bothered. The seemingly innocent nickname rolling off a lot more alluringly from his tongue.

The hardness laying heavy between your legs was the testament to how effected he was too and that was where any indication of how much he was affected – ended. The sensual man looking you over like you’re his personal entertainer was only urging you on further in the roll of your hips. Never having felt any sensations like this before – you’re drunk on the pheromones in the air that was becoming smokier and smokier as Namjoon took deep inhales of the cigar. Your hands are clutching desperately on to Namjoon’s silk shirt with each roll of your hips – not being able to stop the inevitable.

Leaning forward, Namjoon is wrapping his hand around your hair at the nape of your neck, tilting your head backwards as he moves even closer. For a mere moment, you could cry with joy thinking he’ll finally kiss you. But alas, the wait is still on as he only exhales the thick smoke in your mouth, dragging his other hand down the middle of your chest as if he was tracing the pathway the smoke was taking inside of you.

“Please,” you didn’t know what you were asking for but for some reason this burning need had replaced the steadily growing arousal. It’s like with every inhale of the thick, sweet smoke, you were becoming desperate for something unknown, something you didn’t know you needed. However, Namjoon seemed to know exactly what he’s doing when he’s sliding off a strap of your dress of your shoulder, pressing hot open mouthed kisses up the column of your throat.

“It’ll be such a shame to ruin you.” His plush lips press a searing kiss underneath your earlobe, sending a chill down your spine. “But I have no choice. I’ve been waiting too long for you.”

Maybe If you weren’t so focused on trying to relieve the growing ache in your core, you would notice Namjoon’s dangerous words. But his actions and words didn’t corroborate each other. Where his words were somewhat threatening and worrying, his touch was soft and sensual – eating away at your rationality until you were a shivering mess in his lap. Your soft groans and needy whimpers only egg him on as he slides the other strap down your shoulder too.

Where you couldn’t even change in front of Soobin – you were being undressed by a man you barely knew and somehow you didn’t care. In a haste – you’re clawing at his shirt, trying to reveal some skin you could taste yourself. Never having been this bold – you even surprise yourself when you start unbuttoning Namjoon’s shirt.

“Slow down little bird. We have all the time in the world.” His chuckle doesn’t do much to halt your actions. Instead, you’re hurriedly popping off each button, revealing the smooth expanse of his chest and tight abdominal muscles. With his hair pushed back, eyes heavy – he looks like the definition of an angel. His skin is somehow almost glowing and you want nothing more than to cover it with your kisses.

“P-Please. I-I need-” Namjoon slides his hands inside your dress, dragging the fabric upwards until you lift up your arms to let him take it off completely.

“What do you need, y/n? Where do you need me?” He doesn’t sound like he genuinely wants to know. You can tell he just wants to make you say aloud. Say things aloud you never thought you would ask for let alone let some stranger do to you.

“Y-you. I need… you- oh.” Namjoon has started to palm one of your heaving breasts – pulling on the nipple through your white bra.

“Where, little bird? Where do you want me?” His reverberating growl makes another trickle of arousal escape, soiling your panties and no doubt staining his pants too.

Taking his hand that’s on your chest and dragging it downwards until it rests just above your underwear band. If you thought Namjoon’s eyes were dark and heavy before – his irises were completely black now. His pupils dilated and nostrils flaring as he looks down at your hand covering his own. “Here.”

You don’t know how you kept yourself from being a stuttering mess when asking something so completely shameless from him. No morals or ethics were currently holding you back as you asked him for what you needed. With another noise that sounded much like an inhuman growl, Namjoon’s shoving his hand inside your panties as his fingers dive straight for your slit making your head fall back as the delicious sensations have you singing.

“I can’t wait much longer but… I’ll make you feel good y/n. I’ll taste every inch of you.” You’re none the wiser when he’s growling like that, caressing your silken folds with his fingers that drag against them – relieving the pressure slightly. But that doesn’t make you want him less. A jolt of electricity goes through you when his index and middle finger slide upwards – settling on your clit and rolling it in tight circles.

“Ah! N-Namjoon I’m so c-close.” You felt like you were about to burst in to tears. So tightly wound but not being able to untie that knot somehow. Namjoon doubled his ministration, mumbling his erogenous words and promises about what he would do to you. But at no point do you ask him to stop. When his two circling fingers suddenly slip back down – your eyes are going wide at the loss of the sensations. You were so, so close.

But you don’t have to wait for too long as he’s spearing his two fingers inside your clenching entrance, making you shout aloud from the sudden thick intrusion. “Breathe, y/n. Just relax for me baby. Just like that.”

His soothing voice is enough for you to be doing exactly as he says. Your vaginal walls are relaxing around his digits as they rub your insides – nudging at that spongy spot that has you seeing stars with a shout.

“Namjoon! Oh god…” His chuckle is somehow heard through your own cries as he starts to thrust the two slickened fingers in and out.

“God won’t be able to save you now darling. Not when I’m about to have a taste…”

In an instant, Namjoon has you pushed back in to the couch, back laying on the soft velvety couch while his lithe figure loomed over you. His silk shirt open, exposing his smooth yet firm chest, hair falling forward as he supported his weight on the arm that wasn’t occupied. If you’d thought he looked beautiful before – he looked almost otherworldly now. It was as if you were in a dream – barely able to comprehend what was going on other than the intense burning in your core that seemed to flow out to the rest of your body. Your legs had fallen open, giving Namjoon full opportunity to continue his assault on your core that you welcomed. Back arching, his name falling from your lips – you revelled in the hedonistic pleasure that Namjoon was forcing inside your buzzing frame.

“That’s it little bird. Cum for me. Give me a taste, won’t you…” The slight tilt of his head as his mischievous tone asks you the rhetorical question only pushes you closer to your peak. As Namjoon continues to scissor his two fingers in and out of your pussy, your mind his becoming hazy.

“Fucking hell. You look amazing. Cum now y/n.” It’s his last growl that has you clamping your legs around his waist – crying out his name like a prayer while you spasm beneath him cumming harder than your own hand had ever made you.

Gently – Namjoon continues to thrust his fingers inside, momentarily pulling them out completely to rub your leaking fluids all around your pussy. Just when you think the burning in your core would subside – nothing of the sort happens. Instead, you can feel like desire clawing its way back in to your pussy faster than before and you’re extending your arms to bring Namjoon closer to you.

“K-Kiss me. Please, N-Namjoon…. I need-” He pulls his hand out of your panties, bringing them up to his lips as he pushes his slick, dripping fingers inside his mouth – tasting you on his tongue. A deep rumble from within his throat makes your body shiver once more and makes all the blood rush to your cheeks when he closes his eyes as well – savouring the taste. Maybe he was trying to distract you from asking him to kiss you. Whatever it was, it works as you watch him in a daze.

“I wish I could eat your pussy until you’re all I can taste but… I need you. Now.” His growl is carnal and you’re just following his every command. The buzzing in your core has become more incessant and you’re positively vibrating with need. Namjoon makes haste of his shirt, pushes down his arousal stained jeans and even before they are off – you can tell that he’s bigger than the average man. His erection stand proud and thick, the pearly white pre-cum leaking from the mushroom head as he palms himself.

You’re staring in amazement as even his own hand just barely fits around the base and it’s the first time tonight you’re having second thoughts. But Namjoon has quickly come forward, hovering on top of you again as he bites his lip.

“Take everything off little bird. I want to see all of you.” He watches you with his sparkling eyes while you unclip your bra and take off your panties that have strings of arousal keeping it from being completely torn off and Namjoon hisses at the image. “Fuck, you’re so wet baby. So wet and ready for me. I’ve been waiting so long…”

There it was again. What did he mean by waiting? Waiting for you? Did you know him from somewhere else? You don’t remember telling anyone about coming to the party or even your university. So how did he know you would be here?

“Ah!” All breath is knocked out of you once again tonight when Namjoon’s warm tongue is licking across your nipples – wetting them and sucking them gently to have you writhing. Your head is pushed back and eyes closed as his hands pull your pelvis closer to his own – getting ready to connect you both and it only makes you mewl louder.

It’s only for a second – if not less – that you open your eyes. What you see, however, has your blood running cold. Namjoon’s tongue is still laving your hardened nipples but the shape of his tongue is something else entirely. You’re so sure that his tongue edges were a serrated shape but before you can scream or say anything – Namjoon has pushed his entire girth inside your weeping pussy.

“Fuck!” He’s growling while your eyes are blown wide simultaneously. You expected excruciating pain to go through your entire body but apart from a slight pinch – you feel nothing but bliss. Maybe it was the effect of whatever he had you smoke or maybe sex felt this good even for the first time? You don’t get to mull over that thought for long when he grabs on to your hands and pins them above you head – gazing deeply in to your eyes.

“You’re better than anything I ever imagined. I’m going to ruinyou, darling.” His chuckle is sinister but you can only push your hips up in an effort to take him deeper when he was already pushed to the hilt. Your cries can be heard throughout the room and finally – Namjoon starts to move his hips.

With each thrust of his fluid hips forward, you’re being pushed backwards on the couch, a symphony of his name falling from your lips. Soon, sweat starts to trickle down his temples as he pushes his hips in to you with ever increasing force. His teeth are clenched hard enough that you can see every twitch in his cheek muscle. Your breasts bouncing with every vicious thrust of his length as it spears in to your pussy.

“Na-am-jo-on. Oh god.” Your eyes are tearing up as the knot in your core gets tighter and tighter – Namjoon’s length growing even harder inside you. Even when you two are joined so intimately like this; he doesn’t kiss you. He doesn’t even indicate if he even wantsto kiss you. Your hands are clawing at his back, mouth hanging open like a drunkard as he grabs one of your legs and pulls on it until your ankle hangs off of his shoulder. The new angle reaching depths inside you that you hadn’t felt before and the new sensations make you cry harder – so good that they border on painful. It’s like he’s shoving the powerful sensations inside you with every deep thrust.

“Fuck yes. God won’t be able to stop me from having you, love.” His laugh is just as hypnotising – but now with a ominous edge to it. He’s looking down at you with his tongue peeking out from the edge of his enticing mouth. You’re in no shape to fight him off – or that you want to. Not when you’re so close to the finish line you could taste the relief. It’s so persistent that you feel as if it would never stop. Your breaths growing shallower as high pitched sobs sound from your mouth – tears streaming down your face as your overheated body takes every slap of his hips against your ass. The lewd noises that accompany his every lunge only make you gush more.

“You gunna cum for me, y/n? Your needy pussy ready to gush for me? Hm? Answer me!”

His tone is nowhere as gentle as when he’d started as he stares you down – sweat dripping down his temple and the bridge of his nose while all you can do is sob and nod out your reply. Namjoon is taking it a step further as he brings your other leg up too until both of your ankles now hang off of his shoulder – almost folding you in half as his cock slices in to your pussy like a hot knife going through butter. Your body so pliable from his hands constantly squeezing and running across it.

Just when you feel the string inside you about to snap – Namjoon makes the sensations tenfold more severe when his palm lands on your blood filled clit, rubbing it in circles before he pinches it to push you face first in to an almost violent orgasm as your whole body twitches. You can’t recall how long your orgasm went for – or how long you’d actually been with him, really. But it seems to go on and on and on. Your body stretched tight as your back remains arched – hands trying to grasp any part of Namjoon’s body as he continuous to push his cock in and out of your sloppy cunt.

Your orgasm is prolonged surely because of Namjoon’s never slowing ministrations. Your body is flopping in to the couch as the toll of your strenuous and debauched activities finally kicks in. Your arms and legs are quivering and yet, the stiff length that’s being dragged in and out of you is not relenting. The sweat dripping from Namjoon’s temple tells you how much of his energy is being used – and so is yours. Because it felt like the soul was being sucked out of you. Suddenly, the same sensations that were so mind numbingly pleasurable now felt like were making you dizzier and dizzier.

“Fuck, fuck! you’re so sweet I can’t stop little bird.” Namjoon’s growling out his words as he pushes your trembling legs off his shoulder and wrapping them around his waist. You’re so far gone that your head is lolled to the side, arms just trying to hold on to him as his hips continue to slam in to yours – the wet sounds accompanying each move incredibly erogenous.

“I can’t a-any m-more. Oh god…” His hand has slipped back down, swiping against your clit which reignites the pleasure a little more for you until you’re moaning like a vixen again.

Swiftly, Namjoon has risen from his position above you, leaning back with your legs still locked behind his back until he has you in his lap – his hands wrapping around your hips to gain leverage as he pushes his hips up in to your pussy in this new position.

The new angle is enough to have your eyes tearing up because somehow – the sex feels even more good than before. You’re losing sight of what is happening and the only thing you can focus on is the burning needs rising in your center again even if you felt like they were on fire. Tears have started to escape, your tongue loose as you shout out Namjoon’s name again and again. The was something happening and you couldn’t understand what. Not in the state that you were in. Past your hazy eyes, you could see that Namjoon looked…. Different. You weren’t sure how but you felt it. You felt the shift in the air now that he was ravaging your body unlike anyone else. You thought you wouldn’t be able to handle more but somehow, you were still clinging on to him as he repeatedly drove in to you. Now bouncing you on his lap to milk out his pleasure.

He was starting to glow. Radiating such energy you thought you were seeing an angel. Your body was getting more and more tranquil and pliant – letting him whisper all the sweet dirty things in your ear while he brought you to your peak again. This time – him joining you too. And doing the completely unexpected.

“I’m going to cum y/n. I’m going to fill you up with everything that I have so you will remember me forever.” His grin is not fear invoking anymore. It seems like he is content – unlike how he’d been at first. Purposeful. Almost vengeful as he coaxed you in to his arms. You were losing your senses as the time went – only able to recognise the stabbing pleasure at your core that Namjoon was stuffing in you to the brim. He looked scenic. Like a Greek god with the sweat shining on his body and muscles bulging and the urge to kiss him again rose with an agonising need.

“Please,” you pant with every push of his hips up in to yours. “Kiss me N-Namjoon. Kiss me. Please.” You’re pleading as your walls clench around his hard length and for the first time – his eyes soften enough for you to actually think he might be concerned. For what, you didn’t know.

“I don’t want to… hurt you.” His brow creases as he stares up at your dishevelled state, with the kindest eyes you’d seen on him since you step foot in to the room. But there was no reasoning with you as drunk on pheromones as you were. Clawing at his chest to pull him closer. And for once – Namjoon gives in and seals your lips in a searing kiss.

In a matter of seconds, he’s growling in the kiss as he cum with such stagnant force. You follow suit – body trembling as you feel the spurts of his cum splash inside your overheated pussy – dribbling out like saliva. But nothing compares to the feeling of his lips on yours. You don’t care that with each passing second you’re losing conscious – body suddenly growing weaker and weaker. More fatigue kicking in despite Namjoon doing all the work. You felt like you were in a dream – floating through the air feeling light as a feather. Namjoon’s lips were like having a glass of the richest red wine. You wanted even more as you clung on to his frame – pushing your tongue against his to drink him in.

“You’re like the sweetest fruit little bird. I will miss you.” You can hear Namjoon’s voice but somehow you can’t place where it’s coming from. Your eyes are falling shut and your limbs have lost all control as you lay your head on his shoulder – too spent to even bat an eyelash.

No one told you you’d be this tired after sex or was it just a thing with Namjoon? Whatever it is, you can vaguely feel yourself being put in something familiar. Some surface that feels all too familiar that the next thing you know, is blackness. Not before you hear Namjoon’s last words.

“Thank you little bird. You were a special one.” His voice sounds pained and you want to ask him why. But you can’t seem to open your eyes or even speak. You can tell he’s standing near you because the pull is too strong for you to ignore. Then, with a gentle kiss to your forehead, you hear nothing from him anymore. All you see is blackness.

Namjoon is thankful to be alive as he walks back to his place. Leaving you was harder than he’d thought it’d be but you wouldn’t have the energy to speak let alone walk back to your place after that. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept with someone and he was getting weaker. When you’d arrived on campus – he’d been thrilled. But watching you these past few weeks had made him in to another man. A weaker man. Caring about you was never the plan but he’d come to do that too.

Alas, he had to leave you alone now. He wouldn’t hurt you anymore. He may be a demon – but even he would not act this evil. He could tell you’d remembered him from the dreams. He’d been too greedy. Too selfish that despite Hyuna’s warning about him getting too close to his prey – he’d inserted himself in to your life more than necessary. Maybe a one night stand would have been easier for you to forget if he’d met you for the first time today. But the way you screamed his name, begged him to kiss you… he knew he was in trouble.

Because something told him that you wouldn’t be staying away.

a/n: dont forget to tell me what you thought!! 

[wannawrite]

serendipity 🌨️ (三）

[ 君を守りたくて 涙に変わる前に もう一度. ]

I want to hold you once more before you melt into tears.

group: seventeen

member: joshua hong

genre: a surprise :)

others: italics = thoughts, josh and vern speaking in English

sorry for the long wait friends, Japan gave me so much inspiration !!

forgive me, the story only gets better at the end because I improved a lot so this was prewritten and continued again a lot later on !!

___________________________

“No one?”

You nodded firmly, as the teacher gave you a glance of disdain through her pink framed glasses. Her eyebrows raised haughtily as she quickly looked back to her worksheets, flipping through them casually-as if you didn't matter anymore. At her acts of defiance, you cursed her under your breath. Standing alone at the teacher’s table stupidly just seemed to enlarge your figure in the crowd of the class, bringing the sunlight to all the flaws engraved stubbornly onto your face.

You didn't understand why the school needed to hire such sadistic teachers, and inwardly, you cursed the school too under your breath. You could already feel the gazes of all the students seated behind you thrust into your back like spears, one by one. Maybe this was what they meant when they wanted to teach all of you to be ‘confident and cultured students’.

Finally, the teacher looked up, her gaze still bored and tired under her heavy bags and wrinkles. What a mood.

“Go partner the new kid.” her despairing monotone drawled out, in her absolutely enchanting, seductive Daegu satoori.

But that wasn’t really the thing you were most concerned about right now.

Involuntarily, your eyes widened, and you could feel everything that you had painstakingly built up raze to the bottomless of your heart as the teacher called out Joshua’s name, which included that non existent good mood you had while (reluctantly) getting back your maths results two hours ago. 

“Oh, you’re Hansol’s friend, right? You seem very shy, let’s get along well together.” his sweet, slightly American accentuated Korean made an entrance smoothly, the sort of voice you wouldn't mind cutting into all of your conversations. 

That was when you realised, that Joshua was someone you really wanted to be close to-like getting as close to the fire as you could without touching it.

You sighed.

“Sure.” you tried for a smile to maintain a certain level of politeness (and to not feel so shitty about your already dying reputation) as you followed the tall figure with soft, slightly overgrown raven locks back to his desk. 

This was undeniably, the epitome of sadistic.

___________________________________________

“Hey, don’t look so tense, I won’t actually bite.” the boyish, balmy voice purred into your senses again, caressing your ears gently yet magically, making you jump and look to his beautiful face yet again. It seemed to work like a charm-you kicked yourself inside when you realised that Joshua’s every action had you firmly wrapped around his finger...

“R-Right.” you managed, following up with a small, coy cough-you had to give him an answer at some point, to mask your big, protruding girl crush on him. The small lift of his eyebrow, the twitch of his lips when he saw that you were incredibly shy around him was a confusing mix of attractive and unnerving to look at.

Why can’t I just talk to him, who’s a normal human being like me...

Subsequently, a new voice came into the scene.

“Ayyyy, Josh, what did you do to my friend? She looks so scared, I’ll hog the PC room all to myself if you keep disturbing her.”  a teasing, laid-back voice rolled out the English language smoothly as the hint of a brown curl plunged into your vision before jumping up again and clambering over to Joshua’s side. You died inside for the umpteenth time today as Hansol shot you a cheeky, knowing wink-if he told Joshua even an inkling about your feelings towards him, you’d probably harp on it for the rest of your life.

“Nothing? Maybe she’s just shy, I don’t know...dude, you know her better, do something. I can’t do social situations.” A helpless reply came from Joshua's mouth fast and painful, seeping out all the effervescence from his vibrant, yet gentle demeanour.

You sighed. Not being able to gather yourself in front of him, seemed to be way worse than talking to him directly.

"I-I can talk, you know." you managed awkwardly, barely meeting his eyes as the language that your tongue had conquered your whole life turned to gibberish in front of a beautiful boy.

At this, Joshua broke into a casual, yet such enchanting smile-looking just like a prince as the sun skated across his features like the most shining, elegant masterpiece in the world. You tried to focus on the now, but he was incredibly distracting.

"It's okay." he said politely, turning to you, "Everyone gets shy sometimes, right? I’m sure we’ll get along well, I can see that you know a lot about me already.” 

At this, Joshua’s gently bridged kitten eyes shot you a small, seemingly chaste wink which had in fact, thrust right through your heart like an arrow, and realising that you probably looked like the most uncontrolled mess for the umpteenth time today, you tried to articulate your words properly.

“Y-Yeah. You’re actually, I don’t know, my favourite trainee?” Crap, wrong thing to say. The words coming out of your mouth slapped you in the face hard, stringing in a small trail of regret.  To your surprise, instead of cringing Joshua laughed softly, yet somehow wholeheartedly before the table legs contrastingly, echoed out the most deafening screech as you felt the bit of wood press into your stomach area.

He had stood up from the chair, leaning in at just the perfect distance and striking the perfect balance between curiosity and suggestiveness, and that’s when the sun slicing through his ashy bangs dawned the truth on you yet again-that Joshua’s whole being exuded such a gentle, caressing aura. Tangible to your eyes, yet so intangible to your feelings-from the way his eyes fluttered gently yet quickly like butterflies in a secret garden, from the way he treated you with such gentleness yet tore your heart apart. 

Just then, in all his beauty, you felt your soul surface onto the tip of your tongue as his deeply dimpled lips mouthed these words.

“I want to know more about you.”

The whole world stopped for a while.

Your speech went into a momental rut, as you stared awkwardly and embarrassedly at his features.

“You know? Since you know so much about me, I’m curious about you, too.” his innocent voice pushed forth your consciousness from its transit stop as you snapped back into reality. 

You looked at his smile briefly before shutting down any forms of attraction towards him, and gulped down your feelings before opening your mouth.

“I-”

“So, after school today? At 2?” 

His gentle, merry lips had lifted into a sunny smile, coincidentally in the shape of a long, angled up feather-just as gentle as he was.

At this, you blushed before nodding vigorously,

“S-Sure.”

His smile got wider.

“See you then!” 

With that, Joshua left the room with his wallet casually, and the world came back into your orbit. Hansol was gone, so had the math teacher and practically the rest of the class, which had seemed so annoyingly insignificant in comparison to the boy you loved.

Then, as your consciousness slowly surfaced back into your memory, you realised-your cousin would be coming today, and if it was for a school project, you’d have little to no time to spend with her...

But you thought back to Joshua’s pleading gaze, and you sighed.

There was no way you were saying no to that smile.

__________________________

to prepare the blog for my long desert era LOL I'm sorry this took way longer than it should have :(

also day6′s cb is such a bop PLEASE STREAM DAYS GONE BY my boys really deserve it ^^ 

I hope I captured the feeling here well!! the reason why the descriptions on joshie’s features are so excessive because thats how you feel when you crush on someone la HHAHAHA like somehow you just start noticing everything small and insignificant about that, so I apologise if the story didn't flow so well because of that :( I REALLY tend to notice all these things about Joshua’s beautiful personality though (esp as he was my ult of ults last year so yes I am still low-key whipped HAHAAHA)

ill be growing spiritually the next few days and going to hk, idk if I can update overseas but ill see again!! love yall, thanks for reading and supporting!!

ps suNGJINS VOCALS MADE ME WANT TO CRY UGHGJSJDGSH

[succinct-assbutt]

Burn Me Into Smoke

A/N: I watched Ragnarok like a week back and now suddenly I’m caught in yet another obsession lol. Enjoy!

Tagging @whirlybirbs​ (because I’m obsessed with them) and @dobby-is-a-fr33-elf

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Maybe some cuss words? Slow burn.

Summary: Turns out neither of them are good at handling their feelings.​

                                                           ~*~*~

For the most part Y/N can’t stand his arrogance.

Patience has never been a virtue of hers, not in the face of her enemies or an event drawn out through a couple of weeks and it always manages to show when he’s around. Strutting like he owns the place. Shoulders pulled back. Smug. A sickening thought just picturing him here, the image so vivid it’s almost tangible, and she shuts her eyes and lets out a huff of frustration.

In the training room the sound echoes off the walls. Everybody’s gone out for dinner. A mission gone well—courtesy of Rogers—and they’d settled on drinks at a nearby bar, trying to coax Y/N into joining them (maybe she would have if it wasn’t for the soreness in her muscles from a day’s work). She doesn’t mind the quiet, anyway. She’s never been one for crowds and liquor sloshing onto the toes of her boots—and she’s definitely a fan of the company.

Fucking Loki.

A menace. Standing to her feet, she tries not to let her thoughts wander, lifting her arms and stretching out the knots in her back. She pops her shoulder and lolls her neck to the sides. Bitter because she shouldn’t have to stay in, just because of the team’s charity case—after everything he’s done, Y/N can’t help but think, it’s surprising they let him through the front door.

But there he is.

In every corner of the house. Bits of him. Whether the lingering tension from an argument with his brother or his stupid socks or that damn daggers hidden among the cutler. Silence never does you any good and she wonders why she won’t just say it out loud, move past the hate-stares and the snide comments and the passive aggressive vibe she hopes he’ll pick up on. Probably has. He’s a smart boy, as much as it sickens her to admit.

“Need some help?” A voice cuts through the silence, startling her.

Wide-eyed, she whips around. The lights are dimmed. When she squints she can make out a silhouette curled against the door, and that’s when the anger she’s been trying to stifle starts to bubble back up her throat.

“What are you doing here?” She spits, eyes narrowed as he steps out of the shadow.

His eyes are dull and tried and you can tell he’s been drinking. There’s a redness in them and around the rim, and his white shirt is done down two buttons too many, pallid skin almost screaming at Y/N to look.

“Came back early. One can only spend so much time killing their liver, not to mention I had one too many gin n’ tonics.”

“Is there such a thing?”

“Apparently, if this menacing headache means anything.” Loki’s flutter shut, hand rising to his head as he settles himself down on one of the benches. Wincing, he looks up.

“What?” He prompts. “Bad dreams again?”

“None of your business.”

“Not even if I ask nicely?”

“G’night, trickster.” When her bag is packed Y/N slings it over her shoulder and makes for the door, and she can feels his gaze on her as she moves. A little too intense—a little too curious…

But she doesn’t say anything as she flicks the light off and heads to bed.

                                                              ~*~*~

And this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

Give him a promise of a few months and he’ll wind it down to a couple of days; give him six weeks of New York, of time spent in a house he’s never felt welcome in—give him time, and he’ll somehow make the most of the worst, he’s always thought. But this has gone on long enough now for him to know they’re not going anywhere.

When his brother invited him to stay here it hadn’t sounded so bad.

In hindsight maybe he should have known, he thinks now, drunkenly stumbling up to his room. There were tell-tale signs. A few unspoken words, the occasional death glare from across the table when he asked her to pass him a beer. A little too obvious, but he was too optimistic—for once—to read into.

Looking back he wishes he did.

Maybe then being the same room with her would be easier; maybe then his skin wouldn’t crawl and his blood wouldn’t surge and the evil they’ve convinced him he can shutter wouldn’t rear its ugly head. But it’s been weeks now…Almost a few months…and nothing’s changed.

He still—and always will—despise her.

                                                           ~*~*~*~

It’s no surprise they’re all hung over the next morning.

Y/N feels guilty for laughing. At first. Eventually the sight of the team passed out across the house is a sight too comical for anything less than stifled chuckles from across the breakfast bar, and she lets them overtake her

“It’s not funny.” Tony says, voice muffled by his hands cradling his face.

“Yeah, it’s fucking hilarious.” She smiles and it reaches her eyes. He grumbles. Nat curses under her breath as she sits up. The pitcher of juice is passed around, everybody pouring themselves a mug to ease the migraines and groaning into their cups and suddenly she’s grateful she chose to stay in.

Bucky walks in with Steve, a little less pitiful than the rest of the crew and they settle down with everyone else. Y/N flashes them a brief smile, sliding their breakfast across the table.

“Yeah,” Thor nudges his away with a scowl. “I don’t think I can stomach bacon and eggs right now.”

“You, too, sparky?”

“Apparently being on earth for so long’s made me a bit of a lightweight.”

“Sure.”

“Or you just can’t hold your liquor.”

At the sound of the voice, both of them turn their attention to the stairs.

Loki’s blank-faced when he comes down, dressed in a black button down and some pants and hair curled around his jaw. Summer casual. The colors of mischief but for some reason—as much as she hates to admit it—it suits him (to be honest, almost anything does).

When he joins them at the bar, a strained smile stretches across his face. He nods. “Morning.”

“Morning.” Y/N’s expression is just as stilted as she hands him a glass of juice. “Food’s done so you’re going to have to whip something up for yourself.”

“Oh.”

“Shh..” Tony rest his head on the counter and this time Y/N’s chuckles are anything but discrete.

“That’s fine.” When her focus is back on him, Loki shrugs and fiddles with the glass. He throws back the drink in a single sip. Exhales. “I was heading out, anyway.”

“To?” Thor cuts in. “You barely ever leave the house.”

“Times are changing, brother.”

“Or maybe it’s just you.”

“I don’t feel like explaining myself so I’ll be off now.” He glances between the two of them, gaze lingering on her for what feels eerily longer than usual, and it’s way out of character.

For all his evil, he’s anything but stupid. A while ago she was pretty sure he caught on that she didn’t want anything to do with him; haste exits as soon as he enters the room, death glares and eye contact lasting no longer than a few seconds, and she was sure it spoke volumes.

But the way he looks at her right now is anything but disdain.

It’s not a fondness, really. More like a curiosity she can’t place. He looks at her cheeks then her nose and finally settles on her eyes, and something stirs in Y/N at the bright blue orbs piercing into her.

And suddenly she’s worried that maybe he knows after all…

“What?”

“Nothing.”

A silence settles. Y/N doesn’t like the feeling. The sudden twisting her chest. The lurch of her stomach. He looks away, says something to Thor before heading out and her eyes follow him, caught in the tidal wave of her thoughts.

When he’s finally gone, she

“Did you see that?”

“It was kind of hard to miss.”

She doesn’t want to talk about it, not with Thor—not with the day ahead waiting for her with meetings and errands and a sore hamstring from a week’s work.

Instead she just nods curtly, finishing the last bits of her juice and then hurries up to get dressed.

                                                           ~*~*~

 New York is a lot smaller than he remembers.

 Maybe it’s just the traffic and streets crammed with people like there’s no room for them all in the whole state, or maybe it’s the Asgardian in him, so used to vast woodlands and glory and space (quite literally) that finds moving through Manhattan tedious.

 He finds himself in the center of town, hurrying to the café a few blocks away from the train station through the waves of people crashing against him. God or not, he’s trying his best to adapt to the way of the world. Fitting himself in humanly situations, blending into the canvas of New York by taking a cab or using the train. It started off strange but a few weeks down the road and he likes to think he’s adapting, maneuvering through the masses until he gets to the front of the building.

 “Just coffee?” The Barista asks him at the counter, beaming and a little too eager for someone working behind the counter. The café is ambient and warm compared to the harsh streets. A few buttons popped and he can feel the air tuck itself into his coat, warming what the wind outside chilled.

 Loki smiles softly.“Just coffee, thank you.”

 “Don’t have a sweet tooth? We’ve got muffins, some scones, cupcakes…”

 “I’m fine, really.”

 “You’re sure?”

 A sigh of frustration leaves him, eyes fluttering shut as he tames the anger rising in him. The barista—Becca, her nametag reads—is unyielding. Most people are, he’s learnt. It’s something he’s trying to work his way around, letting out the breath constrained in his chest.

 “I’ll have a muffin.” His voice is thin as he forces a smile. “Just one, alright? Nothing more.”

 Becca’s smile stretches wider. “Coming right up.”

 Loki waits impatiently. The café starts to fill, phantom faces lining up at the counter, people he’s sure are regulars but has never taken the time to memorize. In a city this big it’s easy to forget even the commonest of faces. Grinning, Becca hands him the bag and he avoids her gaze, fishing his money from his pocket and pivoting to leave.

 But the bell on the door goes off.

 And it takes a second for him to realize who’s just walked in, smiling and rosy-cheeked as she makes her way up to the counter. He can feel his muscles still, a nervousness beginning to stir in him. Loki looks to the side, an empty table at the far end of the room beckoning him. He keeps his gaze to the floor as he moves.

 The window overlooks the bustling streets and he perches himself down, keeping his back to Y/N in hopes that she won’t recognize him from where she stands at the cashier, chatting with Becca. An urge to glance over his shoulder sparks in him, but he contains himself, shutting his eyes with a labored breath. Maybe it’s cowardly. At this point he doesn’t care. The blood in his veins grows warmer and angrier as it climbs up to his cheeks and his thoughts tangle. He’d left the house specifically to avoid her, and now here they are: cat and mouse caged together yet again, swollen with too much pride to just put aside the animosity.

 It’s not like he hasn’t tried.

 Careful smiles and gentle words and enough of an effort to make anyone normal see that he wants a truce. But Y/N? Stubborn. And chaotic. And leaving, he realizes, at the sound of her thanking Becca and turning for the exit…

 Loki’s breath catches in his throat and he watches her from the corner of his eye. Natasha tells Y/N something that makes her roll her eyes. The relief begins to surface once they get closer to the door—but it’s extinguished when they make a sharp turn for one of the empty tables by the entrance.

                                                         ~*~

“…maybe he has something on his mind. The weasel’s always scheming, you know that?”

 “Is that supposed to be a comfort?”

 “It’s an answer. Quit overthinking things.”

 Y/N wishes it was that easy. For Natasha, strong-wielded and headstrong and cobalt mixed fire and ash, words are just words; anything can be swept aside without in impact, and sometimes Y/N wishes could see life through her friend’s lens.

 She’s nothing like Nat; for the past hour she’s been stuck on breakfast and the knot sinking itself further into her stomach. They figured that getting something to eat would have eased the whole situation, but Y/N’s too stubborn and obsessive to let this one slide, even over some coffee and freshly baked croissants.

 “He’s killed more people than I’ve saved.” Y/N says, stirring the sugar in her drink. “And that’s just on earth.”

 “You think he’s still wanted on Asgard?”

 She shrugs and the spoon clanks against her dish as she sets it down. “Could have been.  It’s just…it’s weird. I don’t like the vibe he gives off, you know that.” She says. “Why would he even put me in such a place? I mean, I know we don’t get along, but this—“

 “You’re doing this to yourself, sweetie.”

 “The way he looked at me, Nat…It was…like…”The words feel clumsy and blunt falling from her lips, eyes cast down at her cup to keep from making this anymore uncomfortable. Loki has always been a pest. For as long as Y/N can remember. For as long as she’ll know him, she knows this. One look at her that isn’t marred by spite and suddenly, what? He’s her friend? It’s tiring running through this train of thought all over again but it’s the closest thing to closure she’ll get.

 “Just shut up and drink your coffee. It’s getting cold.” Nat tells her, only half-teasing.

 Y/N finally looks up at her, and then sighs. The cup is tepid in her palm as she lifts it to her lips and sips.

 “There you go.” The red-head’s lip curl into a smile as the tension at the table dissolves. They’re on a day off, Y/N reminds herself. They talk of home and Banner and anything and everything that two girls talk about over coffee, and soon enough the thought of Loki is a thing of the past.

 Or at least she thought it was. Until she sees him.

 Across the room, shrouded away from the rest of the world at his own table.  She catches him mid-stare, and the god’s eyebrows both lift in shock. Natasha’s still going on about her and Maria’s trip up state, but Y/N drowns her out.

 “You’re kidding me.”

 “What?” Nat turns her head to look. Y/N doesn’t wait for her.

 The chair scrapes against the wooden floor as she stands, crossing the room in three long strides, jaw set and the knot growing tauter and tauter in her chest. She feels like she might explode.

 Loki’s eyes watch her, unwavering as she settles in the seat across from him. A drained cup of coffee and muffin sit on the table and she wonders how long he’s been here.

 His eyebrows arch and a gentle, proud smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth.

 “Enjoying your lunch?”

 “Tell me why you’re here, Weasel.”

 Y/N’s voice is clipped and she’s battling to contain her nerves.

 “Am I not allowed to roam New York freely?” Loki asks, tipping his head to the side. He leans back in his seat. “Last I checked I’m no longer in chains in Stark’s dungeon.”

 “Last I checked you don’t have coffee and cupcakes at café’s in queens.”

 “I reiterate from earlier: people change.”

 “Cut the crap, Loki.”

 “Well this is a surprise.” Natasha’s voice draws Y/N out of her thoughts and she casts a brief glance to the side. Arms crossed over her chest and glancing between the two of them, she looks just as confused as Y/N. She can’t blame her. It’s taking all Y/N has not to wring Loki’s neck from across the table and he’s barely even had time to explain himself (not that she’ll buy any of the bullshit he’s selling).

 The café doesn’t feel like a fit place for a brawl, so Y/N takes Loki’s hand in hers, surprisingly warm an calloused and leads him out into the humming streets outside.

 He trails behind her like a child until they’re outside. Her hand leaves his wrist as she turns around, face drawn so tight you’d think it would snap in half. Patience. Never a virtue of hers.

 People don’t stop for them, jostling into their sides as they squeeze through. “Explain.”

 “Why we’re out in the middle of the street?” un-amused, Loki’s brows arch. “I presume it’s because your neuroticism is acting up.”

 “Look, it’s my job to keep you in line since you got here, I’m allowed to be a bit antsy when I find you following us around town or lurking in corners.” Y/N doesn’t want an argument, not here at least. The knot basins deeper into her chest, reminding of the morning and of cerulean eyes and a warmth she shouldn’t feel. A passerby bumps into her before continuing on their way.

 Loki bites his lip in silence. She figures he’s conjuring up some excuse by the way he looks around, distracted, but it’s really the conviction of being honest for once.

 “I came out to see a girl.” He answers, finally meeting her gaze.

 So simply.

 The words fall from his lips easily, not clumsy and jagged—not anything Y/N was expecting. It takes a moment for the thought to register. She gapes at him for a few seconds then swallows.

 . “A…?”

 “Girl. Yes. Pitiful, isn’t it? For so long I’ve prided myself on being resistant to you humans affections and charm—seems it could only last so long, huh?” Loki finishes for her with his usual nonchalance.

 “You…” Her lips part softly as the words settle, then her eyes grow wide. “Oh…Oh, shit, I’m sorry—Loki, this was a mistake, I thought—”

 “That I was scheming? I can’t say I blame you. Anyhow, it doesn’t matter—poor thing didn’t show.”

 A silence drifts over them as they stand there. Y/N fiddles with the spoon in her hand. A former weapon she figured she’d find a use for but now it just feels foolish wielding it, and she tucks it into the pocket of her jacket.

 She folds her hands over her chest and meets Loki’s gaze. The air has turned from fire to a dimmed silence, awkward and stunted and it’s hard to tell where to go from here. She dragged him out with intent of battle and this is what she’s met with? A surrender? An explanation that sounds earnest?

 “I really hope you’re not lying.”

 “Why would I.”

 Y/N nods wordlessly, ignoring the question. “So she stood you up?”

 “It’s been forty minutes now.” He shrugs. “I don’t think a train from Brooklyn to queens takes you that long”

 “Right.” She doesn’t know what more to say. Apologize? Ask about this mystery woman she’s only learning about now? It’s not like Loki would share anything past a snarky comment or a question on what’s for dinner. It’s not unusual that she didn’t know.

 But, for some reason, it feels like a betrayal holding out on sharing.

 Only she can’t say that—not out loud. Not out here. Someone bumps into her, reminding that they’re standing in the middle of the walkway and she casts her eyes back up at the Trickster.

 “Uhm.” She’s disoriented being been pulled from her thoughts like that, but Y/N quickly recovers, straightening out. She clears her throat. “Nat’s waiting.”

 Loki doesn’t give her time to add anything on, as he pivots around and marches inside.

 Natasha stands when they enter and they hurry to collect their things, Loki grabbing a small paper bag from behind his seat.He waits until they’re outside to nudge her arm.

 “I’m assuming you’re going to say no because it’s you, but here.” He hands it to her.

Y/N takes it reluctantly, glancing inside. There’s a cupcake like the one he was eating, bright pink and flecked with sprinkles and she almost laughs at the sight (so uncharacteristic for the devil himself).

 “Are you sure it’s not poisoned?” She looks up at him and there’s a glint in his eyes that’s part mischief and part amusement. They’re definitely not friends, but something sparks and she raises her brows, waiting for an answer.

 Loki’s lips quirk. “Not today, no.” He says. She almost laughs. They find the car at the edge of the street, Nat ripping off the ticket fixed on the windshield like it was never there to begin with.

Rounding the car, Y/N turns to Loki one last time, the weight in her chest lifting long enough for her to offer him an apologetic smile.

“I still don’t like you,” She begins, “But I’m sorry about you and mystery woman. I know how much that can suck.”

 “You’re telling me you’ve been through the same?”

 “I’m telling you that rejection is something everybody hates.” She admits. “Gods inclusive. Find a ride home and don’t get into more trouble than you already have, yeah?”

 “No promises, Agent.”

 She flashes him a brief smirk, before ducking down into the car, the engine roaring to life. She straps herself and glimpses out the window. On the sidewalk Loki peers into the car with a subtle crease between his brows like he’s thinking, holding something back. Curious. She wasn’t lying when she said she felt for him—she knows rejection well enough she’d be able to trace it way before it has the time to detonate.

She knows that much.

                                                          ~*~*~*~

PART II

If this was a good read, then reblog, like and/or follow to keep updated My inbox is also open for anyone who wants to be tagged or send in requests.

Happy Valentines day :) xX

[redvelvetreel]

Red Velvet Reel 4.1: A Crabapple A Day

                                       [Fic Directory]

Pairing: [Married] Spicyhoney (Underfell Papyrus x Underswap Papyrus)

Summary: Stretch and Edge go to their first prenatal appointment- and Red and Blue tag along. Edge is having a really, really bad time and Stretch manages to help him calm down Pancake.

Characters: Edge (Underfell Papyrus) & Stretch (Underswap Papyrus) & Red (Underfell Sans) & Blue (Underswap Sans) & Mentions of Undyne (Underswap Undyne)

Contains: Mpreg/Skelepreg! Insecurities and comfort! Iatrophobia (fear of doctors)! Anxiety manifesting as aggression! Fluff!

Rating: Teen and up! (I guess?)

Note:  I was thinking of just putting chapters up the way it is on Ao3 but! The nice thing about having a Tumblr format is I can change it up some lol! So this’ll be more split up~ :’D

“Stretch...” Edge would forever deny he whined, but that is exactly what he did. Stretch might have found it endearing if his patience wasn’t running so thin. “It’s easier to just go along with it,” Stretch said  as gently as he could, flipping the page of the magazine on his lap. He only looked up from the colorful ads when he felt a hand on his forearm, trying to look reassuring, “Hang in there, champ.” Edge came the closest to pouting Stretch had ever seen. It was adorable, but Edge shoved his face away as though he heard what he was thinking. After a few moments of very pointed glaring, keeping his hand on Stretch’s face like a particularly obnoxious cat, Edge pulled him close enough to start whispering again. “Why is your brother still here?!” he hissed, eyeing Blue with tangible disdain. 

Stretch gave him a flat look, gesturing at Red who was sitting next to Blue. Edge gave and angry huff even as kept a tight grip on his husband’s arm, “I don’t want him here either. I’m not sure what part of ‘Piss off and die’ he misunderstood-“ “Fine, Fine,” Stretch threw the magazine on the table, making a move to stand up, “I’ll send them on their very merry way if it’s really bothering you that much. It’s not like-“ He cut himself off when he Edge kept a stubborn grip on his arm, preventing him from standing up. He sighed irritably, giving his arm a little shake, “What has gotten into you? You want them gone, but you don’t? What do you want?” Edge didn’t seem to like his tone, giving him a reproachful look as he let go of his arm and settled back down like a sulky child. He gripped the arms of the chair hard enough the plastic started to creak, saying so quietly Stretch almost didn’t catch it, “To not be here.” Stretch was beginning to realize that Edge’s restless energy was anxious distress. As much as he tried to pretend it was annoyance, Blue and Red were just convenient targets. “Oh.” Stretch stared at him for a long moment, unsure of what to do. Edge shifted uncomfortably, crossing his arms as he jiggled his leg restlessly. “What?! Weren’t you leaving? What the fuck are you-?” Raspberries! In a moment of inspiration, he grabbed Edge by the waist and bodily dragged him onto his lap. “Hey!” Edge elbowed him in the chest, hard, struggling against the arms locked around him. “Ow!”  Stretch winced as Edge started to press down on the joints of his fingers, creating a pain that was quickly becoming unbearable. His voice was a low, threatening growl, “Paws off! I will hurt you-“ Red looked up sharply, eyelights disappearing as he barked out, “Knock it off, Pap!” Edge froze, as if confused about where he was, and Stretch took his opportunity. “Pancake,” He wheezed, unclasping his hands to rub at his chest. He left the other resting on Edge’s leg, fingers loose and open. Edge seemed to breathe a little easier, no longer feeling as trapped. “Wanted Pancake. Sorry.” “Don’t-“ Edge let out a shaky breath, gently grabbing his husband’s hand to massage the abused joints. He looked down at the fingers with something akin to misery, voice tight like he was holding back tears, “Don’t apologize! It’s me! ...It’s always me. I almost- I could have- I’m so-“ Stretch pulled Edge into a hug, tucking his face against his chest to give him a little privacy as Edge curled his arms around his neck, tight and desperate. He rubbed soothing circles on his back, concerned and unsure what to do, looking to Red for help. Red looked equally unsettled by the alarmingly open display of vulnerability, shrugging with palpable anxiety. Blue stood up suddenly, stretching his hands above his head, “These chairs are so bad for your spine! Especially shorter ones like ours, huh, Red?” Red looked at him oddly, glancing between him and Stretch several times. “Are you fuckin’ serious right now?!” “Absolutely!” Blue grabbed him by the arm with surprising strength, pulling him off of his chair and dragging him towards the door. He pushed Red into the hallway, shutting the door behind him loudly. Blue’s voice was pleasant but firm, petering out as the walked further away, “Physical health is never a joking matter! We’ve got no-body to disagree with, mweh heh heh! Don’t give me that look- you don’t even have any eyes!” Stretch waited until it had been quiet for a several seconds, running soothing hands down Edge’s back and all along his spine. He pressed a series of kisses along his skull, whispering, “You’re all out of sorts, huh? You feeling ok, darlin’?” “No, I’m too cognizant and alert-” Edge shook his head as an almost incomprehensible torrent of muffled words started to come out, “I’m sorry- I could’ve hurt you- I’m so sorry-“ “Come on now,” Stretch said gently, rocking them both ever so slightly, “It’s my fault too. I should have asked you first. I’m sorry I startled you.” Edge shook his head again, grip becoming tighter as he burrowed his head further into his husband’s chest. “Inexcusable.” Stretch let out an unhappy sigh, changing the subject, “Pancake’s really doing a number on you, huh?” He rubbed Edge’s hip with one hand, stroking down his spine with the other. “As their magic’s developing, they’re throwing yours all out of whack. Mood swings and morning sickness are par the course, but they really suck. I wish I could take them away from you, give them to someone else- like Black. Or that guy next door with the big van he can’t park. Why does he own such a big car if he can’t even drive it?!” Edge didn’t laugh, but he did relax marginally. “And as if all these things weren’t enough, Pancake’s projecting their anxiety onto you too! Baby’s first doctor visit is awful, I know.” Stretch shifted so he had one hand resting on Edge’s ectomagic, gently petting the Souling inside. “It’s ok, baby,” he cooed softly, feeling his husband shift slightly, “I know it’s scary- I don’t like doctors much either. But this Doctor is really good! She’s actually one of my best friends, and she opened her clinic today, on her day off, just so she could meet you!  VIP treatment there, Pancake. All she wants to do is check you out, make sure you’re getting everything you need. Gotta make sure you’re gonna be as strong as your Dad, you know?” Edge put his hand on top, intertwining their fingers. Stretch continued earnestly, nuzzling Edge, “Your Dad has to get a checkup because of you too, you know, and you don’t see him fussing. He has even worse experiences with Doctors, and look at how brave he’s being. You’re giving him a bad case of the jitters, so please settle down. I know you can do it, P. I’ll getcha a little sweet something something if you do.” He gave the souling one last pat, letting their joined hands rest on the ectomagic lightly. Edge kept his head on Stretch’s shoulder, eyes closed and looking... maybe not relaxed or content, but certainly less stressed out. “How was that? Pancake settle down?” Edge brought the back of Stretch’s hand to his mouth, planting a loving little kiss and keeping it there as he nodded. Stretch  felt his heart swell with warmth, “It was the bribe, wasn’t it? They got a sweet tooth too, huh?” “I think,” Edge started, with obvious affection, “It was all you, actually. Papa is a very calming, reliable presence. It’s hard to be afraid when he’s so supportive and reassuring, and Pancake wants to make you proud. They love you very much.” “Yeah?” Stretch felt giddy, resting his cheek against his husband’s forehead as he looked down at the covered ectomagic in wonder. “How do you know what Pancake’s thinking?” Edge laughed softly, “They tell me, obviously.” “Obviously,” he echoed back. “I’m serious!” Edge picked up on his incredulity, playfully pinching him, “Cravings are their way of saying their missing some nutrient. Fatigue is saying they need more magic and I should slow down. They react to your presence positively, which must mean they like having you around. It’s certainly not my doing.“ “Really?!” Stretch sat up in excitement, making Edge grudgingly follow suite, “What does that mean ‘positively,’ like- like- they can tell when I’m not around? They miss me? My baby misses me?! Oh! Ohhh~!” Stretch started talking more quickly, “Do they feel happy? Just this feeling contentment like, ‘Yay Papa’s back’? Or is this more of a physical thing, like they… wiggle? Can they wiggle? Oh my god! You would tell me if they could wiggle, right? You wouldn’t keep that a secret- Yeah, course not- oh, like a glow, do they glow-“ Edge’s eyes had turned to regard the door halfway through his questions, looking like he was debating getting back in his original chair or staying where he was.

[Part 1- Here]  [Part 2]   [Part 3]  [Part 4]  [Part 5]  [Part 6]  [Part 7]

[iturbide]

Hello! Hope everything is well! :) Congrats on getting F!Grima on the legendary banner! I was also able to get her which came as a total surprise to me. Ever since she came out, I noticed how her personality is more… bitter than M!Grima which is really weird since they are literally the same dragon, just from two different timelines. So, I came up with this headcanon where M!Grima is from a timeline where he is more reckless but susceptible to “turning good” par se due to the efforts of the(1/3)

Summoner. But with F!Grima, she’s bitter, calculative, cold, and deeper in her roots of darkness. It feels like it would take a lot longer with her to possibly see the other side of things. Heck, even just tapping her from the menu and seeing what she says is like a double edged sword compared to what M!Grima says. Anyways, what are your thoughts on both characters? Would your Summoners treat F!Grima the same like M!Grima? Do you think they are the same? Different? (2/3)

Sorry for all the questions and for the long ask. Was not expecting how long this would lol. I just really want to hear your thoughts about the two Fell Dragons. :) Thanks for your time! (3/3)

You have nothing to apologize for I’m so excited about this ask ovo ~ great over here!  The current Heroes events are treating me well, I finally have F!Grima and she’s buddied up with her male counterpart wreaking havoc, the Summoners are just hanging with M!Robin and Exalted Chrom watching the battlefield blaze…it’s certainly an experience. 

But oh goodness these are absolutely two different Grimas I completely agree.  Which means that there are going to be some major differences in how to reach them...  

Make no mistake, both of them are in a bad place when they arrive, and don’t exactly take kindly to the sudden change of venue.  But they express their deeply internalized distrust in very different ways: M!Grima lashes out to keep people away, while F!Grima adopts a silently threatening that keeps most people at bay.  They both hurt deeply, and neither one wants to believe that there’s any good in humanity because if they do, it’ll just hurt that much worse when they’re let down again.  I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to say that one has suffered more or less than the other, or that one is more or less reachable: it’s just a matter of how to go about it, because each one responds better to certain methods than others. 

For M!Grima, empathy proved to be the quickest way to reach him.  He unveiled the harsh truths he’d learned through his suffering at the hands of humanity, fully expecting to be told he was wrong for thinking that way, to be berated for those hard lessons he’d internalized, which would only have cemented his beliefs that humans will do no more than judge rather than care for the circumstances of others; instead, he found that Kiran was not only willing to hear but accept what he said, even agree with it, while assuring him that not all humans were that way.  That completely unexpected empathy was what cracked his defenses – he started paying attention to the Summoner more, enough that he could see the whole of them, rather than just the flaws he so often sought out in humans…and from there, it allows him to open up little by little to others as he learns to see them in the same sort of way. 

But F!Grima needs an entirely different approach.  Empathy is fine and good, but as jaded as she is, being told she’s right about humanity’s evils would only cement her belief in them.  She doesn’t need lip service, she needs more concrete proof that there’s more to humanity.  The way to get through to her is through tangible actions – and as much as she might outwardly disdain it, the most realistic way of doing that is by keeping frequently interacting with her, keeping close, talking with her, pulling her into things privately, and inviting her to more social activities and being fully prepared to accept a negative response.  The Summoner’s reactions are important in these cases: it’s not about what they say, it’s about how they respond in every sense, from their tone to their body language.  The lack of fear she senses in them when she makes her cold threats, the kindness they show when they remind her to take care of herself by eating or sleeping and then ensuring she follows through, the respect they offer when she refuses an invitation…that’s not like anything she experienced before, when she had sycophants kissing up to her in hopes of winning power or favors.  Even her level 40 dialogue supports this: she wants the Summoner to not just speak of peace, but provide evidence that such a person exists that could bring it about.  As cynical and jaded as she is, she wants Kiran to prove her wrong. 

[12-99-30]

forgiveness: the topic no one asked for

I started writing on the topic of forgiveness in January, thinking I had some grasp on the idea of releasing a grudge against someone who has wronged you. Forgiveness is something we are expected to do daily. I am constantly forgiving my dad for his impatience, my siblings for their lack of sensitivity, and even myself for my own naivety. I’ve been put in situations where I received unmerited forgiveness, and situations where I extended it to others - It was a topic I felt ready to write about it. 

Within a few weeks, the concept of forgiveness radically changed. Yes, Jesus calls us to forgive our transgressors, but how do we forgive those who have never apologized? How do we forgive when the damage cuts so deep that even when the bleeding stops, you’ll always see the parts that you left hurting? How do I let go of the anger against people who did not care? 

I never understood why people didn’t like talking about forgiveness in church, but I empathize now. I understand the struggle of forgiving, even when it is undeserving, unmerited, and unjust. 

-- -- 

One thing everyone who has wrestled with forgiveness will say is:

Forgiveness is not a feeling, but it is a choice. 

J-- reminds me, 

“If you wait for the right moment to feel sympathetic to the offender, you will wait for an eternity and more for the feeling to come… Forgiveness must never be contingent upon the other person's ability to own up to their mistakes and apologize.” 

“The world will tell you that it keeps you on the higher ground and you're "winning" when you're able to hold the grudge or that if you forgive them, you "lose" out by conceding and surrendering. The Gospel states that to live is Christ and to die is gain, that to follow Christ, we must surrender and die to ourselves - including every "right" that we have to lord over others the feelings of contempt and disdain.”

The world was telling me that they didn’t deserve my forgiveness. They took so much away from me, the last thing I wanted to give them was my peace. It was my way of seeking justice, holding onto the last bit of the “fight” that I had. If I let this go, no one will see the pain they caused. No one will understand what they did was wrong. They’ll think I have given up. They’ll think what they’re doing is okay. They’ll get away with it.

I now realize that was unbelief talking, cause God sees. God sees them. God sees me. Wrapped in His grace, God gave me the power to pray to seek out forgiveness. It was an unrushed, gentle invitation to forgive, but one that was relentless. I’m constantly reminded that though they didn’t deserve my forgiveness, I didn’t deserve an ounce of the forgiveness for what I’ve done that Jesus paid for.  

Matthew 6:14-15

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

A hard but necessary verse to meditate on. Forgiveness is necessary in maintaining my intimacy with God, removing any roadblocks that prevents us from fellowship with Him and others. I’m called to become more like Jesus, and Jesus accurately and wholeheartedly embodied forgiveness. We are called to be compassionate, and to forgive others. To not let bitterness defile us because Christ has forgiven us. He has loved us first. (Ephesians 4:29-32). 

In the process of learning what forgiveness is, I’ve learned that Forgiveness is NOT:

Forgetting: God calls us to remember. We are creatures of remembrance. It’s one of our traits that differentiates us between animals from humans. 

A Feeling: It’s not condoning or overcoming the hurt (though with time, that will happen), but it’s about not letting our emotions dictate our circumstances

We have access to the feelings and knowledge of God. It’s aligning our steps with the spirit and praying for self control. To not dwell and fixate on the hurt

Does not mean something is not a sin: Forgiveness is a place where we invite Jesus to come in and reframe the narrative. To heal and help us move forward

Does not mean we allow toxic people in: Reconciliation and forgiveness are two entirely different things. Reconciliation only comes when the other person is willing to fully admit to their mistakes and apologize for their wrongdoings. It’s not a must

It’s not a one time event: A recycled action that you are constantly doing over and over again. 

There will be times when we question if we really forgave them. Where we want to take it back and hold onto unforgiveness. Make a public profession. Allow for accountability to remind you what Jesus has done for you and that you have forgiven them. It will get easier with time. 

Through scripture, I learned that Forgiveness IS: 

“The personal act of releasing the one who has sinned against me from my personal right to collect on the moral debt, but to PAY him/her back on their moral offense.“

God reminds us to never avenge ourselves (Romans 12). We convince ourselves that if we forgive, this will all be forgotten. But when we lay it down, God picks it up and He doesn’t forget. It doesn’t get lost. He uses it and redeems the hurt. 

By forgiving: 

We return to God the right to take care of justice: we must let go of our desire for revenge for something they’ve done. 

It’s an act of trust and faith. Knowing God is better at handling justice in a way we never could.  

We have freedom knowing we have a righteous defender. A Father defending their beloved daughter and son. I give Him the power to work on my half for me.

By releasing my right to justice, I give Him more space to be bigger - to work creatively for my greater Good. 

We will determine to do what is good rather than evil: In the midst of pain, you’ll see how sin is the common denominator. It is the equalizer between me and the transgressor. 

We like to see ourselves as “not that bad”, but in reality - we are that bad. In fact, we are worse. Yet, we continue to love ourselves despite our badliness, because we are “things called selves”. That is what God intended us to do. He loved us when we had nothing nice about ourselves. Are we not to do the same things to others? 

I’ve learned to hate the sin, not the sinner. We’ve all fallen victim to it, and when you see your own sin, you’ll be more inclined to grant them freedom.

We will see it for what it is: an unmerited gift

Granted from the heart, a tangible release. We are able to absorb the hurt given to us with God’s help and transform into something beautiful. 

With each dimension we go deeper into forgiveness, we uncover a layer that leads us to more freedom.  

God is calling us to forgive, not for the peace of the other party, but peace with God and therefore ourselves. After a certain point, you realize you are the only one left hurting and you must move forward. To move forward with God, means forgiving your debtor, forgiving yourself for being naive, forgiving life for being unfair, and forgiving God for feeling like He didn’t defend you the way you should’ve been. If we do not forgive, we are at risk of being defiled. It poisons us. Makes our hearts harder. It robs us of joy and freedom. We must transform this hurt into something beautiful with God’s help (Hebrews 12:15).  God absorbs that pain, takes the unhealthy plant away , and gives us back a fresh, new plant. We are getting back the life that was ours.

God has forgiven us with open arms, and once you come to to understand how much grace you need, God will give you the grace to forgive. It’s morally imperative to not die with bitterness, but with a heart of warmth and love. When my life ends, what will matter is how my character has grown and the relationships I cultivated in the process. How can I rewrite this narrative to make it a time I grew closer to God? When I lay this burden down before Him, so much love can grow. 

These people are saved Christians. They’re going to be with me in heaven forever. I know Jesus died on the same cross for their sins the way he did mine. I want to celebrate and rejoice in that. (Proverbs 24:17–18)

I give myself the grace to be angry, but I know behind the anger are feelings of hurt and injustice. But because Christ dwells in me, I won’t be stuck here in these emotions. 

“All of your sins - your entire sin history, far outweighs anything that this person has done to you. If Christ can forgive you for all the sins you've done, all the sins you're stuck in, and all the sins you will do in the future, He will also give you that same grace to forgive the other person.”

It is not by my own character I am able to forgive. There are still so many days where I’m left wondering why I have forgiven them in the first place. But because Christ dwells in my heart, it is where I can draw strength to give someone the chance to taste what Jesus has done for the world. 

J-- puts it best:

“Christ's last words on the cross, as He was being mutilated and crucified, was, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." In Christ's last breaths, He demonstrated to us an unearthly forgiveness. As He gave His last breath, He gives us that same ability to offer that forgiveness to others. Not because we're good or better than anyone else, but because we have tasted that grace, and the Gospel shows us that we are no more deserving of God's grace than anyone else."

Thank you to Bridgetown Podcasts, C.S. Lewis, John Piper, J-- C--, and the Bible (lol) for teaching me all of this. This whole post is a rip-off of everything they have said. Thank you for helping me understand the depths of my brokenness, my need for forgiveness, and why I should extend it to those around me. Freedom is starting to taste sweet. 

[breathings-of-the-heart]

A Broken Heart’s Piano Riff

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Pureblood! Reader

Prompt: (Y/N) was promised to the Malfoy’s only son as soon as she was of age. He made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her and that only delved her further into self-pity. Will a few tears and an eye-opening music piece change the way they feel?

A/N: I couldn’t get this idea out of my brain for a month and a half now, and I’ve been requesting it anonymously a bunch but i’m not patient enough to wait for it lol so here it is

I shut down in a pool of my own melancholy thoughts at the end of the reign of summer. Sense my breath depart and my heart collapse on itself as its last shreds of innocence are ripped away from my embrace with such brutality that the arms which refused to let go are left slaughtered.

I shut down as anguish burns a hole in the pit of my stomach and claims the small space that’s left amongst a plaguing blackness, while tears have already carved canyons in my cheeks as proof.

I shut down, yet no one takes a second glance until the damage has been done.

My youth flies before my eyes as I watch with a clouded gaze– a distant look that’s filled with contradicting sourness over an underlying defeat and it hurts, burns, with every painfully slow second to test my nostolgia to the brink of an elders’ equivalent measure. Leaves marks on my crippled heart as time tries to wrap itself back around it in vain, only making it a more ardous task to let go.  

And I’m torn away to be reeled back into reality.

The reality with an obligation to do what I’m expected of and where everything is woven tightly into place– stitched together by people with likings that are beyond control.

It’s a degrading cycle, really. A corrupted maintanence where the future is not mine to indulge in and not mine to spend, with taunting freedom dangling just beyond the reach of desperate the fingertips of those who crave it.

I think of it as than a cruel testament to a life in shackles.

For the Malfoy’s youngest son reflects the exact torment with the toxic accents of unmasked disdain. Has his perfectly obediant demeanor stir a storm within, perforating through in small doses that the careful eye can trace. He barely meets my gaze, barely speaks two words in my direction, but it’s enough. Enough to make it hurt.  

There’s a reluctance as he bends down on one knee, tying down fate and letting the last wisps of ambivalence settle into silence. His hand is gentle, and for a moment there’s an illusion his empathy. But that could’ve been for either of us.

Draco’s fingers are shaky as he slips a silver coil around my finger. Lingers there for a moment as if it all only now begins to sink in and I am no longer my own person. We are unwillingly binded–

–but the emptiness in his eyes is something I cannot shake.

I deprive myself from upturned lips in a false reality where I’m promised to the boy I’ve always loved, when it’s all fake. Because he’s forced, demanded, obligated to do so… but yearns for something different.

I’m not enough, and I might never be.

The Malfoy’s stay over that evening, taking the day’s events into their chambers with smiles of satisfaction. With disregard for the overriding emotion of their children. The emotion is suffocating, in need of release as my nimble fingers dart across keys of ebony and ivory that sit in one of the many parlors downstairs.

I play a tune of morose proportions, staccato’s laced with “what if’s” that swell into the room. Press on the tiles with passion and drift away as each note welds together in a harmony that mirrors my pleas. The song I know by heart, as it’s merely a transcript of my own. It drowns out my surroundings, and I don’t quite realize that I have an audience.

And it’s in that moment that Draco gets sucked in. Studies me and listens and really looks at what’s right in front of him.

It’s a scene with a screaming message that to this day I still don’t understand. For it was meant for Draco, and Draco only.

It takes a week of tickling the keys before even that runs out of meaning and he watches as I stop at the peak of the movement, colliding pitches bouncing off the walls like something out of chaos. I’ve stopped, pressing my elbows down on the dull-colored spectrum in somewhat of a betraying manner.

Draco is confused until he realizes I’m weeping and time slows down, ticks with every passing heartbeat. It turns into something tangible just to watch, trading glances like playing cards between a broken girl–

–and the boy that has just the right fitting pieces.

And he knows he wasn’t walking towards me with an obligation. Knows that he feels an ache in his chest because he wasn’t forced to. I’m pulled into an embrace that is no longer stiff with unwillingness and dare to look up, instantly rewarded with peppering kisses and comforting whispers and a pray for the tears to cease.

Where unsaid words are exchanged that consist of “I’m here,” and “I want to try,” on top of a piano bench that captures it all.

Maybe it is all just a cruel testament to a life in shackles… but with (Y/N) curled up in Draco’s arms and his heart swelling with startling fondness…

He thinks that maybe they are an exception.