#her caregivers wanted to give her an ideal childhood but she was a bit isolated

[cepheusgalaxy]

can someone give me ideas for renaming kyouka? i dont think that name fits the most and also i chose it maaany years ago now i think it could be cultural appropriation (i tried to compare it with someone naming their oc like Carlinhos and uh... yea feels a lil disrespectful if they dont know much about the name of the culture surrounding it yknow) and i think i can come up with something more meaningful than that. Something relating to the fact she chose her name in a book, and maybe also referencing her whole jester thing going on

[thatwritingho]

Sasori Head Canons

Lately, I've been putting a lot of thought into the deeper reasons Sasori would be willing to go so far as to completely remove his consciousness from his body, and I think I've boiled it down to a few main head canons: gender dysphoria, heavy trauma, and mental illness, which I will address in that order

Gender:

Agender

When he was younger, he leaned more towards androgyny, and despised the prudeness of his village in relation to his gender, hating that he was being shoehorned into a mold because of his genitalia, and this served to deepen the wedge between he and his grandmother as she absolutely did not respect this

He felt disgusted with himself, like a stranger in his own body, and no matter what he wore or did, no matter the label he tried out, nothing helped or made him comfortable in his own skin

And no one cared

Just another part of him that no one else understood or even attempted to understand 

So when presented with the opportunity to make an idealized version of himself, his puppet form, his masterpiece, he was just like "who needs gender?"

He is above such silly human concepts, afterall

And let's not mince words here; Sasori is vain af. He thinks he's hot shit. He has more respect for himself than everyone else in the world combined

He knows he's beautiful, and had always appreciated how gender neutral his facial features and body type presented, the only problem was his - yeah

So, unfortunately for my thirsty ass, this means there's nothing between the legs

Just full ken doll mode

Doesn't really give a shit about the pronouns others use for him (or rather, he has convinced himself he doesn't) as he's accustomed to the masculine ones and neither wants or feels the need to put the effort in to explain himself-he doesn't like talking to people as is, let alone about something that brings up so many bad memories for him

"Are you a boy or a girl?" "I'm a puppet."

Deidara has figured it out though(I head canon him as nonbinary as well, so he recognizes the signs) and makes sure to only use they/them or gender neutral pronouns when speaking about his danna. Despite this, no other members have put two and two together yet (Sasori never addresses this, but a very small, deep down part of him respects Deidara just a teeny tiny little bit for it)

Trauma:

Maybe I'm projecting(I'm probably projecting) but I get big childhood sexual assault vibes from our puppeteer

But the signs are all there: severe switch in personality in childhood(this is ascribed to his parents death, but I feel like there's more to it than that), extreme trust issues(especially in regard to his caregiver), fixation on control, escapism through puppetry as a coping mechanism, depression, self isolation/fear of intimacy, social withdrawl/inability to relate to his peers, disconnect from his body, disconnection from reality(viewing puppets as people), etc.

And while yes, all of these can be attributed to other mental illness, the shock of his parents death, or Chiyo's neglect, this is just the conclusion I'm drawn to. Mental illness, childhood sexual trauma, and neglect are all very closely entwined and complicated, and many signs and symptoms can bleed into each other.

And it breaks my heart to think about. 

Maybe sweet little Sasori was being abused by a babysitter his grandmother left him with while she performed council duties when his parents were away. 

And maybe Sasori didn't know how to tell her. Maybe she was too busy to notice the signs. Or maybe Chiyo just wouldn't listen at all.

And maybe part of his eagerness for the return of his parents was so that he would no longer have to be around his abuser, and that just made the news of their deaths hit him that much harder

No one was going to save him. No one was going to help him. No one was even going to listen. 

So why the fuck should he trust anyone

Mental Illness:

Whether genetic or as a result of abuse and neglect, we know Sasori has some issues

@evartandadam has done some fantastic character analysis(and amazing art!) here here here and here that you should check out if you haven't already

But when I think about what it would take for a person to say "fuck my physical form," the Big Three are what come to mind; Anxiety Disorder, OCD, and PTSD

Again, this could stem from any number of places

Sasori is a brilliant mind, and it would absolutely infuriate him to be able to see and recognize that his anxiety had no roots in logic, but still be able to do nothing to combat it

Random panic attacks would plague him, (which is extremely dangerous as a ninja, so he would have to repress repress repress), along with anxiety attacks from triggers to his past trauma and triggers to his OCD(which I'll get to)

This feeling of having no control over himself would cause him extreme distress, and would contribute heavily to him wanting to escape his own body

Along with his anxiety disorder is OCD, mainly in the forms of Rumination/Intrusive Thoughts:

Ruminations on death and art and the value of human life and his own mortality, during which he becomes incredibly withdrawn into himself and detached, always ending up frustrated when his thoughts ultimately lead to no satisfactory conclusions

I feel the intrusive thoughts would also manifest in hyper awareness of his body, such as fixating on his breathing and salivation, which he deeply hoped to escape with his transformation, and only added to his feeling of disgust with his body

These obsessive tendencies allowed for his fixation on solving his problems through puppetry to blossom

And, of course, all ninjas have PTSD, at least mildly, and with Sasori having been such a sweet, sensitive boy, the Sand's harsh methods would have utterly fucked his mind, especially coupled with his other disorders and trauma

All in all, Sasori is a minefield of issues, all of which contributed to a severe disgust with people/society and extreme self reliance, leading him to the drastic decision to remove himself as far as possible from his humanity