#her biggest hitters? bpd ptsd npd lets go

[cordyceph]

mm lestat post time

ever think about how ALL of lestat's relationships remind him no one truly loves him as a person? that he's good for his body only?

his father beats him. no love there, nor with his brothers. his mother never saved him from his father or brothers, and at the Literal First Possibility ditched her title and slept with him. nicki loved him until he was disabled (for all vampires are horrors, they are also textbook disabled. cant function properly in the human world, can only masquerade as human- they are inhuman, survive off parasiting others. for this moment, nicki is only thinking of how he lost his lover to the darkness that took them both- he hates lestat at the end. hates what lestat turned in to, against lestat's will. hates that lestat wont give up)

armand doesnt really love him, either, not then in paris before lestat flees to america. armand likes powerful, demanding blondes (thx marius). armand wants the pale mockery of his maker to adore and cherish- no, to BE cherished by (mixing book and show, when louis is his maitre. when lestat ruins the children of darkness, he tries to give the coven to lestat, to Be Lestat's, ignoring that that's not what lestat wants)

even with louis and claudia, their love was conditional. in the book, claudia choses to kill him because she wants to leave and he wont go with her, but louis will. in the show, its different, because show lestat abuses her. and still, before the townhouse (which we know we/daniel were given false versions of), claudia and louis did not love lestat. louis did not let him into their family, claudia did not want him Ever.

every relationship lestat has ever had has been burdened by the fact that no one has ever truly loved or forgiven lestat for anything. not for little mistakes or grandiose bad decisions. no one has sat with him and treated him with gentle hands or words. claudia, louis, nicki, gabrielle, they all had HIM when theu turned. relied on him, and his teachings. he had nothing. claudia relied on them as both a fledgling and a daughter, but he didnt ever have a parent to rely on

armand is the closest to truly understanding what lestat went through, given the brothel and marius and his two or so hundred years of living in mud. but even then, he doesnt have the empathy for lestat; only chasing after the images of his abusers in his relationships. he would have turned lestat into lestat's father, into magnus, before he would have understood that lestat did not want to be evil.

love lestat. girl with every personality disorder. how do u manage it girly youre so close to being suicidal yet you never really breach the line into depression cause youre too busy being manic