#hence why the one is more okay for me to riff on than the other. i just super want to avoid unintentionally stepping on toes!

[pochapal-pokespe]

its not a copout! That wasnt meant to be too serious of an ask, sorry for the weird implications i dont mean to say anyones more or less autistic. I am autistic myself if it lessens the blow there

getting to this now because i've been busy the last couple days but i'm glad you understand! i also totally get what you mean and where you were coming from with your ask and i understand that there would be no harm done from either you sending the ask or me replying to it! i would just hate to make a post that could very easily be taken in bad faith if seen by anyone lacking the context to fully understand everything and maybe i'm just a little discourse-averse but i know what people online can be like with this kind of stuff!

[goshdangronpa]

As someone who only learned about hanahiki disease quite recently, I believe the trope is ripe for further development. Creative new takes and twists are necessary for keeping any trope fresh and fun. What I'd like to see is for these ideas to retain what I love most about hanahiki: its mythic quality, its intuitive yet rich symbolic value.

Let me break it down: hanahaki disease is unrequited love given agonizing physical form. An ailment of the heart manifesting as ailment of the body and, if left to fester, an ailment of the spirit. The flowers represent love, with the obvious association. We can't control when it blossoms, but we can choose to repress it. And keeping it inside hurts - hence the leaves and thorns growing within the body, impossible to contain.

All that seems obvious enough ... which is great! The symbolism is intuitive without being contrived or half-baked. The metaphor is comprehensive and original. Just like any great myth or fable of old. I find it breathtaking.

The means of resolving the problem also feels deliberate and powerful. Why surgery, as opposed to, say, medicine? I believe it's because surgery can be viewed as an invasion of one's body, violent and forceful and bloody. It's performed in a dark, unfamiliar room by strangers who don't even know you as a person. Moreover, surgery is a drastic measure, a last resort, something that may alter a person forever in body and mind.

The subtrope of surgical removal does clash with the magical nature of the disease. To me, that's the point. Love is not scientific. Okay, there's a whole lot of analysis regarding hormones, brain chemicals, nature and nurture, all the many biological and psychological and sociological reasons why people experience love ... yet even so, love retains a mystery to it. Why we love who we love is a wonder that can't be fully explained.

Yet the hanahaki sufferer sees no wonder in it, only agony. So they decide to forcibly extract it. The voice is cold, calculated, and cynical - all words that traditionally (and sometimes unfairly) characterize science as a discipline.

And all these problems, the pain and the symptoms and the surgery and the threat of death, they're all so pointless!! The quickest and most painless way to cure hanahaki disease is to confess one's love! But the risk of rejection can be so profound that any other agony may feel preferable in the moment. I say that as someone who pined for the same person over an entire school year. All that heartache across all those days was so much more horrible than the "I'm not into you that way" that I eventually received. And that's the power of hanahaki as a storytelling device: for all its fantastical elements and strange logic, it speaks to a fundamental truth, a very real fear.

I don't praise this trope's details to suggest that everything about it is flawless, nor to argue that any variation is pointless. I wrote this so that those who want to riff on the concept can first have an understanding of what, to me, makes it work so well. It's only when writers know the rules of something that they can most effectively break them and make their own.

Hanahaki disease headcanon/ extended idea

HANAHAKI DISEASE is one of my favorite fictional diseases. But I’d like to see it explored in different ways.

It is an illness born from UNREQUITED LOVE that causes flowers to grow in the lungs. The sick person will cough up petals with increasing frequency until they suffocate to death with the flowers fillings their chest.

There is two ways to cure it: first, the love must be reciprocated. The other way is to remove the flowers with a surgery that will also remove all the memories and feelings and the tricky part is that this procedure is PERMANENT. The person will never be able to fall in love for that one person again. 

I see it as a MAGICAL kind of TUBERCULOSIS (or  Consumption) because of the dramatic impact and influence this particularly infection disease had in popular culture. [Today it was replaced by leukemia, I think.]

It bothers me that you can cure a MAGICAL DISEASE with SCIENCE (by having a surgery!). The person is coughing flowers! You can’t cure it with a scalpel! Ok, you CAN, but maybe you shouldn’t…?… 

[The best attempt of using science to cure a broken heart goes to “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. Great movie! I also think the same principle could be used for the Hanahaki disease]

I know that this surgery is also kind of magic because it removes something intangible, but I like to think that since there are different types of TB, maybe there are different types of Hanahaki disease. Therefore, you can treat each type with a different approach.

Like, instead of surgery, the person could swallow a bunch of CATERPILLARS that would grow and eat the flowers. When the person coughs the butterflies, he/she will be cured from the disease. In worse cases of unrequited love the person could use leaf-cutter ANTS and then, after the ants do their job, lure them out by sleeping with a plate of sugar near the person’s bedhead. So you would have to see the kind of flower the person is coughing to choose the kind of insect to use, or what method would be the best to use .

[Or maybe instead of coughing petals, the person could throw up butterflies that where living in theirs stomach since they felt in love!]

Water with salt and vinegar or other kinds of homemade herbicides could also kill the flowers… and the person wouldn’t be able to fall in love for some time after that.

The idea is so full of possibilities! 

[finelinevogue]

our canyon moon

Description - a car journey along the Malibu coast with Harry

A/N - um hello!! firstly, i hope everyone is okay and keeping safe! i really enjoyed writing this and i'm excited to start posting more on tumblr. i have some interesting ideas lined up! hope you enjoyed reading this and give me any feedback you want!

warnings: slight angst (like tiny) and swearing

[masterlist]

Not very often did you get to spend time with Harry anymore.

Your Grammy award-winning, rockstar, boyfriend had recently been caught up in his world, that he had forgotten about yours somewhere in between. He didn't mean it intentionally and you were honest in remembering that. He was so swept up in the celebrations of all of his recent achievements that he sometimes forgot that you wanted to celebrate with him too.

Covid had prevented Harry from doing a lot of the things he had planned, and yet he still managed to have the greatest influence on the music industry and over his loyal fans. He only had to wear a cardigan for an hour for it to become the most iconic cardigan of forever. Even you had tried to have a go at knitting it - however Harry decided to just let you have his after seeing how many tears you produced over trying to learn the correct stitches.

Having won his first Grammy, you and Harry had promised an evening just to yourselves. Just the two of you. No social media. No other people. Just two souls in love and it being nothing more than that.

You were both currently in Harry's Malibu house, after him having to be here for the Grammys and a shoot for a future Gucci campaign. There was also another Calm story that he was recording, since the first one had been such a hit, but that was on the down-low for the time being.

Palm trees were something you always found intriguing. At your home there were just a few shrubs and oak trees, so palm trees reminded you of being with Harry. The warm weather was an added bonus too - allowing you to sport a natural tan for once.

The house here was just completely beautiful - you would never be able to get over it. Malibu seemed like a fairytale story you used to read as a kid and yet somehow you were now the main character from them. Harry's house was the biggest on this particular coastline, and yet it only ever housed you and him. You never understood why he bought such a large house. Whenever you asked he would always reply "just wait on the future, love" which gave you goosebumps every time he said it.

It meant he was your future.

The Malibu Palace, as you liked to name it, sat right on the cragged rocks of the Malibu shoreline, having a little area of private beach. You and Harry had wasted one too many times spent devouring each other on your beach - hence what Watermelon Sugar was inspired by.

The ocean had always been your haven.

Everything from the salty sea air, the fresh smell of the ocean breeze and the radiant colours that burst from the depths of the water were just too infatuating for you to resist from living on the coastline. You never wanted to return to the city. The ocean had completely taken over your thoughts and you were okay with that.

"Ready to go, love?" You heard Harry call out, pulling you away from your thoughts, that were attached to the rolling waves, and back to him.

You had been standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows in the lounge, watching as the waves kept leaving and then returning towards you, as you waited for Harry to get ready. He had been in his home studio all day, apparently having a song idea on his mind that he was desperate to explore. Mitch had come over at some point, to help him with some guitar riffs, and then had left again because he was supposed to be cooking dinner for him and Sarah that night - pizza unsurprisingly.

Sarah being pregnant had been the biggest shock and best surprise to you and Harry. Your boyfriend had sobbed - hard. He couldn't believe that his best friends were actually married, let alone now having a child. Fuck Howard Stern for saying otherwise. Then, Harry had been asked to be the godfather which he burst a blood vessel in his nose crying over.

He was so good with kids, and you hoped that some day he'd be happy to be the father to yours.

So after a long, but relaxed, day recording you suggested to Harry that you both deserved that night alone together. You missed him, especially when he was so close to you but you couldn't quite touch him.

Tonight was just for you two.

He wanted to freshen up before heading out though, which is why you were keeping the ocean company whilst you waited for him. You turned around when you heard him, watching as he descended the last few stairs.

When he saw you, his smile widened.

You, yourself, had too freshened up and changed yourself into a white dress. It was so simple and yet it was still beautiful. You felt like a proper Malibu princess in it. Your tan made sure you didn't look washed out, too. You'd also found it within you to pin your hair back and put on the slightest bit of makeup. It was your first date in a while so you wanted to make a good impression.

Harry looked really good.

He was wearing one of his dad-looking Hawaiian shirts, that he'd bought from a quaint market in Portugal one time, and had thrown on what looked like black swim shorts with his battered old vans. How could someone wear such odd items of clothes and pull it off?

"Swim shorts on date-night? Really, H?" You laughed, watching him give you a twirl and a courtesy as he made his way over to you.

"Oi, you wore sweatpants that one time." He argued back, meeting you and snaking his buff arms around your waist. Your arms twisted their way up and around his neck, immediately playing with the brown, baby curls on his neck. The overwhelming smell of his slightly feminine Gucci cologne sent you into dreamland - the smell so homely and comforting.

"H. I was on my period and we were going to get ice-cream at 3am. Wouldn't call that date-night." You chuckled, thinking back on the time you just mentioned. It was a good night in all fairness; you got mint-choc chip ice cream and he got raspberry sorbet and the two surprisingly complimented each other well, as you shared the sweet scoops of ice up in the 'Canyon Moon'.

'Canyon Moon' was yours and Harry's favourite lookout point. It was hidden away, tucked behind a maze of dirt trails, and you and Harry liked to think you were the only two people to have ever discovered it. It was yours. You only went there in the evenings, as the sunset from the wooden bench up there was unmatched. The view looked upon the valley's of Los Angeles, blinding lights twinkling away in their thousands whilst people went about their evenings.

"Ok whatever." Harry shrugged his shoulders, knowing that you were right but being too much of a stubborn lump to admit you were right.

"You still look pretty though." You spoke quietly, tilting your head back to look at him through your lashes. Your angle mustn't have been very flattering for Harry, but neither was his. You could see his stubble filled jaw and the slightest adorable double chin peeking through.

"Pretty huh? Well thank you beautiful." He repaid the compliment, before leaning down some more to press his lips against yours. His soft lips touched your sun-kissed ones and everything was bliss.

What a perfect life.

"I love you." You mumbled against his lips before pulling back to give him a smile. You got to intake his golden features before he replied with another heartfelt kiss to your lips. He didn't have to repeat the words for you to more exactly how he felt, which was one of the many beautiful things about your relationship.

"Ready to go?" He pulled away entirely, walking over towards the key-bowl on the wooden unit, where you dumped the keys once you were inside the house.

"Where are we going exactly?" You asked, walking to collect your cardigan - well, Harry's JW Anderson one - from the back of a chair where you'd left it.

"Who knows?" Harry answered annoyingly. He was always up for a bit of spontaneity, but you not so much.

Life was an adventure, with Harry.

Walking out of the house, after making sure it was locked up securely, you were hit with the warm and humid evening heat. It was the kind of heat that made you feel heavily toasty warm, and yet it didn't make you sweat - it was perfect. No chafing of the legs then!

The palm trees could be caught dancing with the wind, along with hearing the sounds of the chorus of birds in harmony and distant crashing waves. This was paradise.

Harry's yellow, convertible, Ferrari sat proud on the driveway and you were excited that you were going to ride in this car. The engine made such a gorgeous noise and the seats were so comfortable. It was Harry's first big purchase from within the time you two had been a couple, and you remember it being the most exciting thing ever.

This car was his one true love - sometimes you thought even more so than you were. You didn't mind though, she was a beauty.

"M'lady." Harry opened your door for you, like a true gentleman, offering you his hand too as you clambered in. The car was quite low and you always felt like you were riding along against the floor.

"You're so extra." You rolled your eyes, even now he does this every time you get in and out of a car with him. His mum had raised the boy well.

"Extra? If I wanted to be extra I would've rolled out the red carpet." He sassed back, as he made his way round to his side of the car and hopped in himself.

"You say that as if you have a red carpet waiting." You furrowed your eyebrows at him, as he pressed a button to open the electric gates down the path from the house.

"Sometimes it's like you don't know me at all." Harry shook his head whilst reaching over to the glove compartment to open it. Inside, folded up very, very tightly, was a red sheet which you assumed was his replica red carpet. You laughed at how you were naïve enough to think he wouldn't have one waiting, whilst also severely confused why he even had one.

"H!" You giggled to yourself as the engine roared to life.

"You want me to roll it out for you when you get out?" He asked, reaching down towards the cup holder to pull out his sunglasses. You'd already come equipped with yours, but Harry always left his in the car ready for him so he didn't lose them. Surprisingly, he was very forgetful sometimes.

"I would not." You couldn't help but gawk at him when he put his shades on. He looked so fucking hot. You had a hard time believing he was all yours sometimes and this was definitely one of them.

When people compared him to a young Leo DiCaprio, it slightly bugged you because in your eyes Harry was way more attractive than Leo. Then again you were heavily biased and loved your man more than anyone else.

He turned to you when he noticed you were staring, giving you a cocky smirk. He knew exactly what got you riled up and him driving a car was always at number one - especially in golden hour with expensive sunglasses. He didn't say anything, but just leant across to leave a sweet, although short, kiss to your lips. He tasted divine.

God, he was a work of art.

He turned back to face front and sorted out his seatbelt and mirrors, before reaching his hand behind you and onto the back of your seat as he began to reverse.

No one reversed quite like Harry Styles.

It was so hypnotising to watch. He was a pro at weaving his way down the path, towards the electric gate and into the main road now that he could probably do it with his eyes shut. He slowed down as he started to exit the gates, making sure no one was around as he swung out. After making a clear exit he stopped to close the gates again, waiting until they were fully shut until you both drove off.

One time you hadn't waited and somehow your neighbour's friend's daughter had run inside and then got stuck. She had been on the other side of the gate, luckily, only for twenty minutes, because you and Harry had only driven to go pick up some prescriptions from the pharmacy. Upon arrival you were met with a weeping mother and a pissed off neighbour. As for the daughter, well she was happily playing with your cat, Esther, and was completely oblivious as to what had just happened.

Moral of the story; don't have kids.

As Harry turned back around and put the car into first gear to go forwards, you decided to plug in your phone so you could play some music. The soft wind was already blowing through your hair as the car gently sped off, thanks to the roofless car.

You flicked through your songs, being heavily indecisive over which one to play first. You often resulted in playing Harry's playlist that he had made for you, because it was both to your music taste and it reminded you how much he truly loved you. After a quiet moment of thinking you picked 'Rollercoaster' by Bleachers, whilst queuing up a few more songs. It was a song that got you both hyper and happy.

"You're obsessed with this one." Harry laughed at you, breaking at his approached a small junction off your road. He peered around carefully, knowing there were quite a few small children in this neighbourhood.

"You're just jealous because it's not your music." You rolled your eyes to heaven and placed your phone down in your lap, looking over to him as he studied the roads carefully behind his dark framed glasses.

"Fine," Harry huffed sarcastically, "you just lost red carpet privileges." He teased, knowing you didn't want them anyways.

"Dork." You giggled, before quickly leaning over the middle console to give him a loving kiss to the cheek - leaving a pink stain behind almost like a stamp. Harry knew that there would be a mark left behind, but he made no urgent movement to get rid of it. He quite liked the thought of it sitting there proudly, in fact.

The road was a windy one as you snaked your way down the small hill that Harry's house lived upon. He wanted to join the motorway, or freeway to the American, along the Malibu coastline, because you had a feeling he was taking you to 'Canyon Moon'.

Paradise was colourful.

The blues of the ocean. The greens of the trees. The oranges of the sky. The whites of the clouds. The reds of the lips of the man you love. You kept flicking your gaze from the beautiful scenery to your oh so pretty boyfriend. He won at being the best piece of artwork though. No Californian sunset compared to the golden glow and warmth that came from the heart of your boyfriend.

'Golden' started playing through the speaker system and you instantly felt at ease. You don't know what it was, but the song always managed to make you feel calm and happy, even if the lyrics were meant for something much more meaningful. You made a quick glance to Harry to see he was mouthing along the words, but not fully singing them out loud because apparently that was too "narcissistic" of him.

As you were thinking over every minuscule detail of your beautiful life, you were interrupted by the sounds of combined honking horns. You quickly turned to Harry to see he was one of the sources of the car horns.

"Wha—" You couldn't even finish before Harry bursted with road rage.

"It's a fucking give way sign for you mate, that means give way to oncoming traffic." Harry shouted, waving his hands up in the air at how idiotic the person had been. Turns out it was a teenage prick who thought he owned the roads. You'd seen him before, actually, nearly getting run over by him whilst crossing a pedestrian crossing, so you didn't feel bad at him getting shouted at.

"Well you should be watching the roads too, old man." The youth shouted back, dangling out of the window of his car to stick up his finger.

You noticed Harry tense his hands around the steering wheel, whitening as they did so. Although it was kind of hot to see him go through road rage, you didn't think it would be great for him as a morally good person, or a celebrity, to be caught arguing with a teenager. So, you moved your hand from your lap to place it on Harry's bare thigh. It was warm from the golden heat of the dying sun and you could feel how tense the muscles were at first. As soon as your hand was against his skin, though, you felt the muscles loosen and his hands return to their normal state too.

"He's not worth getting into an argument over, H." You calmly told him, knowing that any other tone would've probably set off his flight or fight response and you knew which one he would've gone for in this situation.

"Fucking prick." Harry muttered under his breath, letting the teenager carry on doing what he was wrongly doing before driving again himself. The teenager sped off, making a point of revving his engine cockily.

You continued to smooth your hand over Harry's skin to calm him down. He'd always said that one touch from you could settle him for a decade.

"Want me to play track 11, baby?" You teased him, referring to how track 11 was titled the words he had coined and used to promote his persona.

"Not funny, Y/N. He could've hit your side of the car, and then what?" He asked rhetorically, but you answered anyway.

"Call an ambulance and if it's bad take me to the hospital?" You didn't look at him, instead watched the world pass by unaware of your problems, because you knew he would be giving you his stern look. Whenever you were clever with him he had this face that he always pulled, mainly because you were always right and he, for once, wanted to be too instead.

"Again, not funny." He replied, and then it went to being quiet apart from the last chords of his music playing still

You pulled your hand off his thigh, not knowing whether you might've accidentally upset him. One thing about Harry, that you'd learnt over the years, is that you have to let him open up to you. If you try and push him for an emotional expression of how he's feeling, it'll only make things worse and cause him to cave in on himself even more.

By now, Harry had managed to safely join the Malibu highway and was heading in the direction of 'Canyon Moon'.

Harry stayed on the inside lane, travelling faster than any of the other cars on the road. His car could go faster than the others, but you weren't so sure that he should. You couldn't complain though. The speed of the car and the fact the car was a convertible, made for such a joyous car ride. Your hair blew in the wind, luckily behind you so it was out of your face. It was a pleasantly warm wind too, almost like a hairdryer.

Everything was just perfect.

Except from the fact Harry may, or may not, still be annoyed with you.

You turned to look at him and he had one arm with his elbow resting on the window ledge, leading to his hand holding gently onto the steering wheel. His other hand was busy playing with his lower lip, pinching it between his fingers carefully - a habit he'd developed for when he was in deep thought. You weren't going to disturb him just yet so you did the next best thing and changed the song on shuffle.

As soon as the guitar started playing you felt his whole body loosen up, even from where you were sitting. You knew he would feel better listening to this song, even if he were the one who wrote it.

"You gotta see it to believe it. Sky never looked so blue."

Famous love song from him to you.

The song Canyon Moon always reminded you two, when you needed it to, of how much you seriously love each other. The memories spent up in 'Canyon Moon' were going to be with you forever, and having a song written to tie all those memories together was the sweetest gift you'd ever received. The song felt more country-like than anything else Harry had ever written, and he'd done it just because country was your favourite genre of music.

Track 10 always reminded you that no matter where you were in the world, you would always have Harry to go back home to - and he would always be waiting. You were always there for each other, thinking about each other even when you shouldn't be.

Not another ten seconds into the song, whilst looking out of the window to the side of you, you felt a warm presence on your leg. You peered down to see Harry's palm facing upwards, resting on your bare thigh, waiting for you - just as he promised. This was him apologising in his own way for being snappy and annoying earlier, and you forgave him.

You used your own hand to reach down and clasp it with his. His hand tightened against it's the minute you touched skin, proving he was there for you.

He always was.

"I love you." He turned to face you, all too briefly before having a responsibility to the road.

"I love you." You replied, bringing your joined hands up to your lips to gift him a soft kiss to the back of his hand. Another stain, a lighter one this time, being left against his dainty skin. He was going to be covered in pink by the end of the night - and you dont think he's going to mind one bit.

Cruising along the coastline had never seemed so magical. You couldn't believe this was your life. You. Carpooling in a convertible Ferrari. With Harry. In Malibu. At sunset. Completely and unconditionally in love. There wasn't even a good enough word to describe the joy and happiness you were feeling.

"Are we still going to 'Canyon Moon'?" You asked curiously, noticing how he'd missed the exit for it.

"Yeah. Just thought i'd treat my girl to some Frankie's ice cream first, though." He laughed when he saw your face light up in excitement. Frankie's was your favourite gelato shop on the California coastline. It was run by a little, old, Italian fellow called Francesco - Frankie for short. The business had been running for over a hundred years now and they prided themselves of having award-winning cold scoops of ice.

The choice flavours always astounded you, because every single one was homemade. You'd obviously tried every flavour - having been there more times than you had visited your mum this year alone! Your favourite flavours were a toss up between lemon meringue, chocolate strawberries and blueberry muffin. You didn't realise they could even make those flavours and yet somehow they did - bloody epically too.

"Someone looks a bit too happy." Harry laughed, looking over his shoulder to switch lanes so he could get ready to pull off at the next exit. He raised his hand politely, but not letting yours go, to thank the person behind him, who had let him in.

"Why wouldn't I be happy? My life's a dream." You let out the happiest of sighs, leaning back in your seat some more and squeezing Harry's hand tight to let him know he was your dream.

"God, you make my life so sunny Y/N L/N." Harry looked at you, biting his lip when he saw you blush away. You secretly liked hearing him say things like that, but you'd never admit that to him.

"Sunny enough to roll me a red carpet now?" You laughed upon your previous conversations that evening. You didn't actually want him to roll out a red carpet though - that would end up with too much public humiliation, because knowing Harry he had a trumpet and everything to go with it.

"Don't push your luck." Harry gave you a playful stare, before, this time himself, bringing your combined hands up to his lips to press one, two, three and then four kisses to your hand.

"That was a lot of kisses." You stated, watching as he cleared his shoulder again to prepare himself for oncoming traffic. He pulled onto the slip-road and off from the highway/motorway.

"Well, I've got a lotta love for you." He answered seriously, before shooting you a warm and loving smile. The sight could've melted your heart if you weren't already so warm from the heat of the desert.

                                                         •••••

The world seemed at peace.

At least to you it felt that way. There was not a single thing in your life you could complain about, other than the fact you still have acne breakouts - but you like to pretend that you don't.

Sitting on your favourite bench, in your favourite place, with your favourite ice-cream and, most importantly, with your favourite person, made you feel like you were on top of the world - and you were on the top of a mountain so you were pretty high already.

The valley below was a chaotic rush of silence. You could see the bright headlights of cars rushing from A to B, and yet nothing could be heard of them. The twinkling lights from houses and street lights helped light up the valley below, like a billion fireflies migrating. It was a spectacle and it was all yours to view.

The sun was slowly melting away beyond the horizon, leaving the sky to burn in colours of orange and red. The heat was still there, but you knew how quickly it could turn cold out here.

"Happy with your choice of flavour, love?" Harry asked from beside you. You had taken 5 whole minutes to decide what flavour of ice-cream you wanted. You had been spoilt for choice. It came down to two flavours today; Oreo brownie or kiwi and lime sorbet. Completely different flavour palettes, but that's just how you worked. You'd ended up choosing the Oreo brownie, before going to sit down to let Harry pick his flavour and pay.

Five minutes later, after arriving at 'Canyon Moon', you'd sat in the car just to eat a bit of ice-cream before climbing the small hill. That was when you decided you didn't want the Oreo brownie anymore. It was too sickly for you, but you didn't want to complain to Harry since he had just paid for you both. Harry knew though - he'd known the minute you'd asked for the flavour back in the shop.

"Trade." He had told you, instead of asking. He didn't like seeing you upset, even if you were silently sad.

You hesitantly had swapped tubs of ice-cream, whilst giving him a confused look. You assumed he just wanted to have a taste of yours and vice versa. You didn't ask what flavour he had ordered before tasting it, but as soon as the ice met your tongue you smiled so brightly. Kiwi and lime sorbet. Your heart melted with warmth, just as the tub of ice-cream was, because Harry was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. He didn't ask for a trade back, instead he just quietly ate the Oreo brownie - even though you knew he hated anything too sweet and sickly.

Harry had finished long before you had, in-fact you were still going when you reached your spot, so you agreed to eat and walk. Harry had to deal with the fact he couldn't hold your hand, so he swung his arm around your shoulders instead - keeping you close. He walked on the side of the cliff closest to the edge, because he knew of how clumsy you were.

And now here you were, watching the world pass by as you two sat still.

"You know i'm happy." You smiled at him. He was completely relaxed in his posture. Man-spreading like nobody's business and arms hung over the back of the bench, his hand caressing your shoulder furthest away from him. He had his sunglasses perched on the top of his head, so you could see his perfect emerald gems. A serious work of art.

"Because of the ice-cream or because of me?" He asked, watching you gobble another spoonful. Or fork? Or maybe it was a spork?

"Oh definitely the ice-cream." You nodded your head in affirmation, trying to keep your laughter in to hold your seriousness.

"You little devil." He squeezed your shoulder and pulled you into his side briefly to give you a kiss to the side of your head. He was originally going to let you move away again, but he really liked how you just fit perfectly against his side and so shuffled you closer himself. He pressed another kiss to your neck just to be sure.

"You want a bit?" You asked, scooping a decent sized blob onto the spork.

"Obviously." Harry teased, before opening his mouth ready for you to spork feed him. You leant in closer, spork nearly reaching his mouth, before delivering the ice-cream to you instead. You giggled at how his facial expression went from excited to pretend-outrage. The flavours were fresh and cold against your teeth, but it was worth it to see Harry's reaction. "You think that's funny, huh?" He raised his eyebrows.

What you didn't expect was for him to smash his lips against yours in a hurry. You were taken aback by his sudden movement, but he moved one of his hands to the back of your head to keep you where he wanted you to be. His tongue managed to weave his way into your mouth, collecting some of the ice cream for himself - it was a disgusting mess.

At first the kiss had been just so Harry could get a taste of the ice-cream, but you were pretty sure it ended with him wanting a taste of you.

When he pulled away you both had ice-cream, and the slightest bits of saliva, smushed against your lips. It was quite funny. So much so, that Harry took out his phone to take a couple of selfies with you and then some single pictures of you. He couldn't resist.

"We're a mess." You laughed at the sight of you both, where Harry was showing you the pictures.

"Ice-cream tastes great though." He smiled. You smiled. You couldn't be happier.

[jeonsblackgf-writes]

ONE PLUS ONE || 1 ||

✨Summary: Trials and Tribulations of vinnie and his gf.

✨pairing: Vinnie Hacker x black!OC

✨genre: fluff ig

✨word count: 1.7k

Both characters are like 22 in this btw.

______________________________________🖊

"Come on Rhey, it's not funny." Vin groaned, already embarrassed at the outcome of his recent tiktok. He had posted a thirst trap on tiktok with boxers on. He thought the video looked okay, until he read the comments where people were talking about his dick size.

Ignoring him, Rhey continued to laugh, her box braid up-do coming down in the process. She scrolled through the comments to read more as her boyfriend glared at her, "Look at this one someone said Your dick looks so small I bet your girlfriend uses it as a toothpick.' I AM SCREAMING"

"Ha ha ha." He grumbled, crossing his arms as he kept his eyes on her. The comments weren't even all that funny, she just wanted something to laugh at.

"Awwww is the wittle baby upset his weewee is small." Rhey playfully cooed at him, grabbing his face in her hands. His cheeks went red as he felt her warm hands move his face fro side to side in a cooing manner, as if she were his grandmother.

"Baby stop it's not funny. Someone said my dick looks like a pebble. My dick is literally 11 inches. What fucking pebble are they talking about." He complained as he stood up from the couch and went into their room. The second he closed the door, the rest of their friends came inside of her LA villa with confused faces. She completely forgot she gave them keys.

"He's mad his fans are calling his dick small." She responded before walking into their room to see him lying down, stomach on the bed with his phone in his hand scrolling through social media. She walked over to him and laid on top of him, putting her head on his shoulder so that she could whisper in his ear.

"You know I was only joking right. You have a whole girlfriend, your thirst trapping days are over." She stated her breathe fanning his ear, causing chills to run down his arms. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. He only posted it because half his tiktok was now filled with his girlfriend. People were tired of him expressing how long they were together. It's been 8 years, them getting together at 14.

"Everyone knows you radiate big dick energy." She exclaimed, trying to cheer him up but it didn't work. He was still upset about a bunch of 12 year old calling his dick small.

Not knowing what to do, Rhey started to get up to see the rest of their friends but Vinnie quickly grabbed her and turned her around to where she was on the bed and he was on top of her.

"I was fine a long time ago. I just wanted your attention." He admitted, laying his head on her chest, their typical position. She snorted and smacked the back of his head. He laughed and kissed her cheek

"What time do you have to head back to the studio?" Vinnie asked, momentarily breaking the silence. Rhey checked her phone.

"In about an hour. I have one more song that needs to be done. I just have I finish the last verse and record it." She replied.

Of course she wasn't going to tell him that the entire song was about him...and that she named it after him. What he won't know won't hurt him. She never told him about the other songs or the album cover either, hence why she made him do a photo shoot with her a few months ago.

"Great so that gives me enough time to cuddle you and post you again." He replied, as he went onto his phone and pulled up instagram. Rhey sighed. Every time he posted her his fans went crazy for no reason. They hated the fact that he was with someone who had a much larger platform than him.

He stuck his tongue out while she puckered her lips while grabbing his face.

"Well my phone is gonna blow up. Thanks for that Vincent." Rhey sighed as she awaited the thousands of notifications from IG.

"No problem princess." He replied cheekily, giving his girlfriend a huge smile. She playfully rolled her eyes at him.

The two sat in a comfortable silence for the next 20 to 30 minutes. No we're we're spoken, just the soft sounds of breathing could be heard from both partners. They were well aware that their friends were still in their house but they didn't care.

"Wanna know what I always found funny?" Rhey asked, playing with her boyfriends fingers. Vinnie perked his head up lightly, waiting for an answer.

"When we were 18, and I was just getting started with my career and you were getting hella famous on tiktok like you are now. I was always told that you and I would never work because of our race and two completely different personalities despite them not knowing we've been together since 2012. I don't know why I think it's funny but it just is." She explained, not looking at Vinnie. She knew he had always felt some type of way when people mentioned our relationship in a negative way. He was still getting over his anger issues at the time so of course when your at the peak of your influencer career, you're gonna make some rash decisions.

"I mean i've made some bad decisions I admit, but I knew the second I met you all of that had to change. I don't know why, but there was always something about you that I had to get to know on a more personal level when we were 14. You really are a light in my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Even with me being 18 at that time and so blind to new found fame, I knew what I wanted and it was you." Vinnie explained himself.

There was a period of time where he knew his feelings for Rhey were real but he knew that if he wanted to be the guy she wanted him to be he had to change, so they remained friends until he got his shit together and then he finally did he built up enough courage to ask her out, and it they're still together years later.

"Oh shit! I have to go!" Rhey shrieked after checking the time on her phone, jumping up from the bed. She hurriedly grabbed her nike slides and wallet, before rushing over to Vinnie to give him a kiss, which he happily returned, but before she turned around to leave he grabbed her hand causing her to look back at him.

"Am I gonna get a little snippet of the album?" He asked sneakily, making his girlfriend laugh.

"Theres 22 songs on the album. That's the only hint you're getting." She laughed before running out of the room to head to the studio.

Fortunately she made it in time, seeing her manager standing in front of the main studio door, waiting for her. She walked up to her and smiled wearily, not wanting to be scolded for being the second one to arrive.

"It's about time!" She exaggerated, grabbing the key and opening the door. Rhey hurriedly facetimed Vinnie who answered on the second ring. His face was deadly nonchalant as he looked at her. That's when she knew he was upset that she had left him so she tried to cheer him up by posing but it didn't work.

"I'm getting a studio built in the house. I hate leaving," She sighed, making a smile to quickly etch on his face. She rolled her eyes at his childish antics.

"I'm going to a meeting. Apparently some modelling company wants to meet up with me but my agent won't tell me who so we'll see how it goes." Vinnie explained through the phone. His nerves were shot with anxiousness.

"Well let me know how it goes."

"I will, I love you."

"I love you more,"

She hung up the phone and walked into the studio to begin her session, her producer, Pierce already working on some new beats for her last verse in her last song. After that gets perfected, the album is complete.

"You ready to get this masterpiece completed?"

Rhey smiled nervously. "Let's do it!"

"I know you said your boyfriend was your main focus behind the album. Is all the songs about him?" Pierce asked as he messed with a few buttons while Rhey got her lyric book out.

"Yes each and every song is about either him or our relationship." She replied mindlessly, flipping through pages, after finding the page with her recent song on it. She started to write words down that had came to her in the morning when she woke up. She smiled once she realized she had just finished her last verse for her last song on the album.

"Listen to this and tell me what you think about it. I added some small guitar riffs on the beginning to give it more of a natural groove." Pierce stated, turning the volume up. All of her songs were a little upbeat and happy and the last song was slow and smooth. A great way to end an album.

"It's amazing Pierce." She whispered, trying to get herself not to cry. She had been trying to find a way to express her love for Vinnie for MONTHS, and this album just might've done it.

Pierce smiled, "Then get yo ass in the booth and let's record it." He pushed her into the booth and got the music ready as she started to  get herself together to sing.

A few minutes later she stopped singing and sighed in happiness. Her album was finally finished.

>1 hour later<

"BABY! VINNIE WHERE ARE YOU?" Rhey yelled as she walks through the house, rapidly throwing her things all over the place, excited to tell her boyfriend about the news.

"Bedroom." He replied.

Rhey ran inside with a smile on her face, only for it drop once she saw the long look on her boyfriends face. He sighed and grabbed her hand, making her sit beside him. His face showed distress so she news couldn't have been good.

"The surprise meeting that I was had with vogue...they wanna sign me." He sighed, clearly not happy about the offer.

"Are you kidding me? This is huge! It means we'll be under the same company! How are you not happy about this?" She exclaimed with a large smile on her face.

"It's for Vogue Paris...not L.A."

Her smile dropped...

[knickynoo]

BTTF Headcanons

As suggested by the wonderful @tsukinikawatteus, I’ve put together some of my headcanons. Honestly, these are going to revolve solely around Doc & Marty, because I don’t really have any developed ones involving other characters.

I’ll hide it under a ‘read more ’ in case it gets too long and ramble-y. Which it will, because this is me we’re talking about.

First, I’ll answer the ones I got in the ask.

- How Doc & Marty met: For this one, I just go by the official Bob Gale answer that Marty was 13 or 14, had heard rumors about the crazy old scientist in town, & snuck into Doc’s lab one day & got caught. The comic series actually shows this event happening, but I tend to dismiss that version because honestly, I don’t like the way it’s handled. (Plus Bob Gale has said that the comics/game/etc can be take it or leave it as considered canon, so yay) Anyway, I imagine a young Marty hearing all these whispers around town about Doc and being curious. Maybe he was looking for danger/adventure in going to investigate, but I also like to think that part of Marty felt sorry for this guy who everyone seemed to look down on. So he made his way over to Doc’s lab to see what the deal was & was initially scared when he got caught. But he saw all the cool experiments and the general chaos & was totally into it.  (And btw, in my headcanon, Marty is the one who first refers to him as Doc & establishes it as his “name,” unlike the comic version where Doc tells Marty to call him that?? Def didn’t like that part.)

- When they started to consider each other best friends/what impact did they have on each other’s life: I’d say they considered the other a best friend pretty quickly. Doc was absolutely thrilled to discover that this kid thought he was awesome & was so interested in his work. After spending so much of his life without true connections or relationships, having Marty around really changed Doc’s life. He finally had someone (aside from Einstein) to talk to about all of his experiments and the science behind them.

The same goes for Marty considering Doc a best friend. Seeing as he was growing up in such a dysfunctional environment, with parents who probably weren’t super attentive or close to him, he loved being around Doc. Not only was he treated as an equal, he also had someone to listen to him, which he didn’t get at home. He found encouragement and felt respected around Doc. Plus, my general headcanon is that Marty really doesn’t have other friends & was always kind of an outsider.

Now onto some of my other headcanons....

- As I mentioned above, I don’t see Marty as a guy with many friends. He’s friendly towards a lot of people, but doesn’t have a specific group he belongs to. He really only interacts with his band mates while he’s at practice & it’s more of a business situation than a friendship. Marty gets to practice, runs the show (playing sick guitar riffs) & then just leaves. His band mates serve as a convenient cover story for when he wants to go somewhere with Jennifer, but that’s pretty much it. He has three friends, ok? And one of them is an animal.

- Upon finally settling into the improved ‘85 timeline, once all the time-traveling was over, things were understandably very jarring to Marty. One of the things he found hardest to adjust to was the sudden affection from his parents, namely the good morning hugs & kisses like we see Lorraine give him at the end of the first movie. Marty was previously used to spending the mornings in solitude since his father would already be at work & his mom would sleep in (often because she was still out of it from drinking the night before). The idea of family breakfasts & being greeted so warmly when he woke up, and when he got home from school, was super weird to him at first.

- Marty has ADHD. (this seems to be a very common headcanon, lol). Doc, being the kind of guy who’s interested in a wide variety of topics, came across some research & information on it at some point & instantly recognized the signs in his friend. When Marty came over one day, frustrated after a particularly rough day at school, he sat him down & talked to him about his suspicions. And since Doc was well aware of the lack of potential support (because this is the 80s after all, & SO many people with ADHD just didn’t have resources to get help), he took on the role of giving Marty advice and tips on how he could cope with it.

- Related to above point: Marty found that wearing layers helped keep him calm/feel grounded, hence why our boy rocks the t-shirt/button up/jean jacket/puffy vest look. And honestly, the suspenders might play a role in that too, since they put subtle pressure on part of the chest/shoulders/back. This also explains the leather jacket from part II! Aside from just thinking it looked awesome (and perfectly inconspicuous), Marty liked that it was a thick, weighted material.

-Doc is autistic. As he was diving into the world of research concerning ADHD & other various conditions, he came across a series of studies on Asperger’s syndrome & instantly connected the information with his own childhood and current life. Since he grew up feeling isolated from his peers & like nobody understood him, reading through the studies made him feel like he had found an answer. (A fact nobody asked for: the first study printed in English on Asperger’s syndrome was released in 1981. Yes, I checked to make sure this headcanon would be possible.)

-Doc set up a bed for Marty in the garage partially for the nights they were working late & his friend was too tired to head home, but also because he realized that a lot of the time, Marty simply didn’t want to be at home. Marty got into the habit of sleeping in his clothes so that at any given moment he could head over to Doc’s garage if he needed to. Doc made it clear to him that he was welcome anytime & doesn’t bat an eye when the boy wanders in at night & flops down into the bed.

-For Doc’s birthday, Marty went out & bought him the most colorful, “loudest” Hawaiian shirt he could find. It was sort of a joke, but Doc absolutely loved it.

-On Marty’s birthday, Doc asked him to come over under the guise of needing help with an experiment, but it was really a mini party with the lab decorated with streamers & balloons & cupcakes Doc had gone to pick up. Einstein wore a party hat. 

- We all know Doc & Marty eat a lot of Burger King. When they eat it in Doc’s garage, Marty takes pieces of the fries and slips them under the table to Einstein. Doc does not appreciate Marty encouraging Einstein’s begging but the boy can’t resist sharing with the dog.

- Occasionally, when they’re taking a break from working or are just hanging out, Marty takes out his guitar & Doc takes out his saxophone & they jam. Sometimes they play actual songs & other times they create their own. Whenever they try to make up lyrics, it quickly devolves into complete nonsense, usually ending up with the two of them laughing so hard that they can’t even play anymore.

-Marty also sometimes puts on a Huey Lewis tape while the two of them are working. Doc initially wasn’t really into the music, but he eventually found himself singing along to the songs with Marty. 

Okay, I need to stop myself because. Wow. If anyone actually reads this thing, I commend you on the effort. Kai, you had no idea what you were unleashing when you sent me that ask the other day.

[fatgirlwritesscenarios]

Belated Happily Ever After

((A/N: Hello again, all! I’m finally getting back around to uploading the rest of the stories...kind of. This one I can say for certain was a request.))

Pairing: DKxReader

Genre: Angst/Fluff/Friendship 

Word Count: 7,962

Summary: You fell in love with the sun...but it turned out the sun did not love you back and couldn’t fathom loving you back, so you fell off the face of the Earth. Luckily, the sweetest sometimes-tiger, sometimes-hamster you’ve ever known was there to catch your fall until you were ready to face the sun again.

                                                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*

Your professor had a way of making time fly despite the class itself being over two hours long You had never been much of a history buff, the multiple dates you had to recall always being the enemy, but this history course was so interesting and engaging, it was easy to lose track of time. Hence, why you and most of your classmates didn’t even notice that the lesson was supposed to be over about 20 minutes ago, the next class crowding the door and waiting to take their seats.

“Time really does fly when you’re having fun,” you mumbled to yourself, finishing up your notes and storing your materials into your backpack before rising to make your exit.

“Remember to read Chapter 13 for homework, everyone! We’re going to have a very involved discussion next class meeting,” the professor announced, waving at the retreating students before welcoming the next class.

You pulled your planner from your bag with the intention of recording the homework and rifled further for a pen. Exiting the class and quite distracted, you never had a chance to prepare for-

“Finally!”

“ACK! Soonyoung!”

-the energizer bunny that wrapped his arms around you from behind and spun you around, his ecstatic laughter ringing loud in the hall.

“I’ve been waiting forever for you , Y/N,” Soonyoung laughed, setting you down on your feet and ruffling your hair, “What took the class so long?”

“Cut it out!” you demanded, batting his hand away from your hair and readjusting any stray strands, “What is it with you guys and messing with a girl’s hair? Anyway, I guess we all just got really into the lesson and lost track of time.”

“I wish my classes were that interesting…or maybe it’s because you’re just really smart and like the subject, so it comes easy to you!”

“I hate history.”

“Well, whatever! The fact is that we were waiting a long time for you and I’m starving!”

“We?”

“Seokmin was waiting with me, but went ahead to buy our lunch,” Soonyoung elaborated, turning you around by your shoulders and guiding you out of the building, “He should already be with the others, so let’s go! Hurry! Hurry! My stomach’s caving in!”

“O-Okay, okay! I’m going!” you replied, grateful that you were able to conceal the red of your cheeks, but very much aware of the heat burning beneath them.

Seokmin did that to you. Even just the mere mention of him; the sound of his name, the sound of his voice, a simple thought centered around the Child Development major known as Lee Seokmin had your heart galloping through fields of daisies and poppies. It had been one full year since you came to terms with your infatuation for him, but that didn’t keep the butterflies from swarming or your palms from dampening. It just made you an expert on hiding it from him.

With Soonyoung practically dragging you along behind him at a full run, the both of you eventually made it to the university quad, finding your friends lounging in the green not too far away.

“I brought Y/N!” the dancer announced, coming to a stop and smoothly pulling you next to him before slinging an arm around your shoulders like he always did, “Her history class ran longer than usual because they were having too much fun.”

“I thought you hated history,” Joshua mused with a smile, watching you struggle to catch your breath.

“I hate history…but I love…the professor…” you panted with your hands on your knees, eventually keeling over into the grass between Joshua and your roommate/friend, Miaka, “Soonyoung tried to kill me.”

“You were walking too slowly and I’m really hungry,” he whined, dropping down on the other side of Miaka and groaning dramatically.

“You were Sonic-running and I don’t appreciate the forced exercise,” you mumbled, laying stomach down on the grass and willing your breath to even out while remaining oblivious to Soonyoung’s pouting at being scolded.

Just as you were starting to feel better, your heart settling and your breathing steady, another attack came upon you in the form of fingers dancing up and down your incredibly ticklish side.

“AAHH! Nonono! Who?! Why?!” you shrieked, flipping over onto your back and curling up to prevent the onslaught, “Stop it!”

The laugh that hit your ears made your whole body tingle, the sun blocked by your attacker’s head as his smile took its place lighting up your world. In the exact moment your eyes locked with happy brown ones, you swore the birds sang sweeter, the wind was cooler, the sky was bluer and the grass felt like feathers. Everything felt so wonderful that if you died right then and there, you wouldn’t even mind it.

“You’re funny when you’re tickled, Y/N,” Seokmin stated, running a hand through his black hair, messing up his side-part a little bit.

“There is nothing funny about torturing me,” you answered, hoping against hope that the blush on your cheeks and the slight stutter you released wasn’t too noticeable.

He laughed again and held up a white, plastic carton along with a cold can of soda, “I got your lunch. I’m pretty sure I got what you usually like. Soonyoung’s better at remembering your order than I am.”

‘Oh, he’s just the sweetest!’ you gushed mentally, wanting to squeal, but instead sitting up and taking the items that he offered.

“I’m sure it’s fine. I eat just about anything, anyway.”

“She’s like a trashcan.”

“I’m sorry, did the bottomless pit over there say something?”

The whole group sat in amusement at the playful bickering between you and Soonyoung, Seokmin lowering himself down right behind you with his own food and laughing at Soonyoung’s expense. He was sitting rather close, almost forcing himself between you and Miaka with his legs on practically either side of your hips. Again, your heart did somersaults and the color in your cheeks deepened.

“Anyway, how much do I owe you for buying my lunch?” you asked him, beginning to rifle through your bag for your wallet.

Seokmin stopped you with a gentle touch to your arm, shaking his head once he had your attention, his smile beaming at your face, “You don’t owe me anything! It’s on me.”

You just gazed at him for a beat, wondering what good deed you did at any point in this life or others to deserve a person like him in your life. Even if he was just a friend…even if you wanted to be more.

It was hard to tell when this maddening crush of yours on Lee Seokmin actually started, but it felt like it’s been present ever since you entered University. You met both him and Soonyoung at around the same time, both becoming your best friends, but it was the sun-shiny man with a voice as beautiful as a song bird’s that captured your heart. He was playful yet considerate, positively hilarious, and so positive that you felt you could never have a bad day with him around or continue to mope after having a bad day. He made your dark days bright and your bright days even better. He was everything to you…and you wished you could be everything to him, too.

“Hey, Seokmin. Seungkwan. Why don’t you two sing us that song you were practicing? Let us hear how it’s going,” Jun, one of the oldest in the group, spoke up suddenly, disrupting conversations and forcing all eyes on the two mentioned males.

You blinked curiously, looking back at Seokmin, “You two are practicing a song? How come?”

Seokmin chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, “We were bored and heard a song that we wanted to try harmonizing on. I think Joshua was playing it on the guitar.”

“And look at this! Said person just so happens to have said guitar with him!” Seungcheol proclaimed from his spot beside Joshua, nudging the other’s arm with his elbow, “You should play it and you two-” he pointed to Seungkwan and Seokmin, “should sing it!”

“Yeah, sing it for us!”

“Come on you, guys!”

“Sing it! Sing it! Sing it!”

Soon, the whole group was chanting for the two vocalists, Seungkwan eventually calming them down with an exasperated sigh of ‘fiiinnne’. The two of them prepared themselves while Joshua tuned his guitar, you focusing on your food while they did so. Soon, the first riffs of the song drifted through the air, followed by the second and third…and then, they were singing.

Voices mixing and blending so beautifully, Seungkwan and Seokmin captivated the group, as always. Their powerful voices snatching every ear; it was both a blessing and a curse to be sitting so close to your crush at this point, struggling to not stare at him too hard and yet wanting to memorize the expression on his face while you still had the chance. He absently played with the back of your hair while he sang, a rush of tingles dancing down your spine. He smiled at you and you smiled at him, nodding your head along to the song and wishing you could melt into his arms…without it being weird.

At the end of the performance, the last note fading out, the trio received a round of applause from their friends, though you smiled the biggest and the brightest at Seokmin.

He leaned in closer to you, whispering playfully, “How did I do?”

“Amazing, as always. I don’t even know why you bother asking me,” you play-whispered back, reaching up to fix his side-part and melting when he smiled at you with a little touch to your arm as thanks.

Suddenly, the campus clock tower started to chime and you froze when you realized how late it was actually getting. “Crap! What time is it?!” you hissed, pulling your phone from your bag and cursing when you saw that it was just turning 3 PM, “My last class starts in 15 minutes and it’s across campus. I have to go.”

“Don’t worry about your trash. I’ll take care of it,” Seokmin offered.

You smiled nearly bashfully, but shook your head, “You don’t have to, Seokmin. I can do it. It’s fine.”

“Ah, you’re so stubborn.” His eyes narrowed into a playful glare, his tongue clicking in ‘disappointment’, “It’s fine to accept help, Y/N. It’ll be one less thing for you to worry about! I don’t want you to be late for class, so I’ll take care of your trash!”

To show that he meant business, the man took the pile of trash from you and reached over to put your backpack in your hands. He then ushered you up and pushed on the small of your back until you took two steps away.

“Go, go! You’re losing time! Make sure to pay attention!”

You stared at him for a beat longer, a silly smile touching your lips as you nodded, “Alright…thank you!”

After bidding good-bye to your group of friends, and promising Miaka that you’ll clear the night to help her study, you took only two more steps before Soonyoung was calling out to you.

“Wait, Y/N! I’ll go with you!” he said, stuffing the rest of his food into his mouth and then moving to stand up.

“Your class is in the opposite direction of mine, Soonyoung ,and it’s going to be starting soon, too!” you objected, frowning when he gave his trash to Seokmin and asked him to take care of that, too, which he happily agreed to.

“So?” the dancer retorted, hopping next to you with a big, cheeky grin on his face, “I want to walk you; make sure you get there safe.” You rolled your eyes as he bid his farewells, shoving his shoulder when he started pushing you in the direction of your class, earning a giggle from him.

“Good luck in class, Y/N!”

You looked back to see Seokmin smiling and waving after you, the dazzling brightness of his grin leaving you breathless, yet re-energized. You returned the gesture and called out a thank you, beginning a light-footed trek to your class with Soonyoung hot on your heels. Not even his teasing could make the smile fall from your face after spending time in Seokmin’s presence, your mind too occupied with his warm smile to even think of good, witty comebacks. You just…floated to class, drunk on infatuation and high on his beautiful voice.

~*~*~*~

It was right around 8:30 PM when you returned to your apartment that evening, mentally drained but feeling rather accomplished. After your last class, you joined a few of your History classmates for a study group and then went to get dinner with them, making sure to leave in a timely manner so you could have enough time to help Miaka study that night, as promised.

You sighed in relief when you got inside, classical music drifting pleasantly in the air; Miaka liked to study to the sound of an orchestra. She said it helped her to focus more.

“I’m home!” you called, toeing off your shoes and moving into the living room.

“And just in time, too!” Miaka greeted, never looking up from the index cards she was working on at the coffee table, “I’m just about done making my flashcard for my biology terms and then you’ll be able to quiz me on them for the test.”

“Sounds good,” you replied, throwing your coat and bag down on sofa behind her before throwing yourself down at the coffee table in front of her, “How many do you have?”

“118.”

“Do you plan on sleeping at all tonight?”

“Nope and I hope you don’t either.”

You rolled your eyes loudly, giggling when Miaka stuck her tongue out at you in retaliation. To entertain yourself while she finished with the rest of her cards, you picked up the already completed ones and started to look over them. A moment of silence passed between you two.

“So, how was your last class?” she suddenly asked, still focused on the cards.

“It was decent,” you answered.

Miaka glanced at you, smiling mischievously, “What, it wasn’t spectacular after being blessed by Lee Seokmin’s wish of good luck? You weren’t floating on air? Hearing angels sing? Citing romantic haikus?”

You stared at her flatly, clearly unamused, “I hate you.”

“You love me,” she shot back.

“I hope you fail this test.”

“And I hope you embarrass yourself in front of your dream man.”

You groaned at her last jab, setting the cards down before flopping back onto the carpet, “Why are you being so mean?!”

Miaka laughed, completing the last card and then reaching over to add it to the pile, organizing them in the process. “Honestly, why don’t you just tell the guy that you like him? What’ the worst that could happen?”

You popped back up, “I could make a fool of myself. I could ruin a perfectly good friendship and possibly lose Soonyoung in the process. I could make him feel so uncomfortable around me that he never wants to see my face again. The list goes on!” Another groan and another flop back onto the carpet. “God…why does he have to be so perfect? Why do I have to have a crush on a guy that’s never going to like me back?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘never’.”

You returned to your sitting position, staring your friend straight into her soul, “What are you talking about?”

“Look,” she started, pausing to choose her words carefully, “It might just be me, but I think he likes you, too.”

“HA!” You laughed incredulously, Miaka narrowing your eyes at you. “Oh, you’re funny, Miaka.”

“But I’m probably not wrong.”

“But you probably are.”

“But I’m probably not,” she insisted, “I mean, look at the way he treats you! He buys food for you without making you pay him back. He’s always encouraging you. He’s always trying to sit really close to you. He asks for your opinions before anyone else’s. He offers to do things for you that’ll make your life easier! The man is practically establishing himself as your boyfriend. All you two need now are couple’s outfits.”

As much as you wanted to argue with her- because you vaguely remember Soonyoung doing a lot of the same things from time to time- that niggling of hope deep in your soul started to work against you. Big time. You started to think…maybe she was right? Did Seokmin like you? Were you more special to him than you allowed yourself to believe?

You chewed your bottom lip thoughtfully, brow furrowing in worry, “But…I don’t know, Miaka. If it’s true…and he likes me like I like him…then why hasn’t he said anything? Why hasn’t he confessed?”

The other woman shrugged her shoulders, smirking triumphantly, “Maybe you’re the one girl that makes him too shy to do it.”

You froze, giving her the chance to continue, “Maybe you should be the one to confess.”

“But…Me? How?! I can’t…H-How would I even-”

“The next time you two are alone.” She interrupted you, holding a finger up, “Conditions are never going to really be perfect, but take advantage of the next time you guys aren’t being bothered and tell him how you feel. He’ll probably be super relieved that you did!”

“I…I don’t know. It’s not exactly the romantic confession I imagined,” you mused, pouting slightly, “I always wanted to be the one that someone confessed to.”

Miaka clicked her tongue before pursing her lips in disapproval, “Do you want this man or not?”

You hesitated…and then nodded.

“Then you know what you need to do,” she finalized, handing you the finished and organized stacks of index cards, “Now quiz me. We can talk about your repressed love life later.”

You glared at her, but took the stacks and set them up on the coffee table, starting to go through the different categories with her. While you worked hard to remain in study mode for Miaka’s sake, you couldn’t help the little voice whispering in the back of your mind: how long would you have to wait before you could confess?

The answer…

*~*~*~*

Not that long at all, actually! About two weeks if we’re going to try to be exact and it was Seokmin himself who gave you the opportunity.

You remembered the Monday afternoon that brought you to this moment, the shriek that filled the apartment after you told Miaka how Seokmin had texted you and asked you to go to a movie with him. She had then started raving about how ‘This is it!’ and ‘This is your chance!’ and ‘He’s totally asking you on a date!’. This was followed up with her planning your outfit for your Friday night outing with him, from your shoes and accessories to what you were going to do with your hair. You had tried to tell her that it was just a movie, nothing big, so a nice pair of jeans couples with a pretty shirt and some cute sandals would work fine.

She wasn’t having any of that, though, and immediately took you out shopping for the perfect outfit, declaring that you couldn’t make a proper confession without looking drop-dead gorgeous first.

“I mean, more gorgeous than you already are,” she had added, giggling girlishly while pulling a multitude of dresses and skirts from the rack at your favorite store.

All of her primping, polishing, encouraging and hyping were what helped you to get through the week without losing your mind in excitement, to Friday night…to this moment here. She truly made you believe that this really was it, that this was the moment you confessed and it would end in happily ever after. Even the ‘date’ itself seemed to solidify it: he bought the popcorn and drinks at the movies for the both of you, draped his arm around your shoulders, he took you to dinner after, got you your favorite dessert. He complimented your whole look more than twice that evening and you even caught him staring from time to time, that giant grin of his ever present.

The night had been a success and this was now your moment, the both of you walking down the pathway through the park, trekking towards the bus stop that would take you home. This was it. Now or never.

“Hey, Seokmin…”

He looked at you expectantly, warmly, while you slowed to a stop with him facing you. “I, uh…I have…something…that I need to tell you,” you stammered, heart pounding relentlessly, cheeks flushing and palms nearly drenched.

His brows furrowed now, his hands hovering over your shoulders, as if preparing to catch you if you fainted, “What’s wrong, Y/N? Are you feeling okay?”

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. I mean…I-I will be if I can just…j-just get this out.” You took a deep, shaky breath, fiddling with your fingers and staring at the concrete while Seokmin eyed you carefully, “I’ve been…wanting…I’ve been wanting to tell you this…for a while...and now seems as good a time as it’s going to get.”

Another deep, shaky breath and you forced yourself to lock eyes with him, “I like you, Seokmin. A lot. A lot a lot. I have for a while, now…and I was hoping, after tonight, we could try to make it a little more official. Maybe go on another date?”

He stared at you, dumbstruck. You stared back, sweating bullets, worrying your bottom lip. Your heart was beating out of control and you felt like you were going to vomit from the anticipation. Then Seokmin smiled. It was small at first, then bigger, then bigger still until it was fully, shining smile that you loved so much. It warmed you, comforted you, and you were so sure that he was going to confess back.

But then…he was laughing and you were confused.

“That was a good one, Y/N! You really had me going there!” he said between chuckles, his hand over his heart.

Your brow pinched together in confusion, “W-What?”

“You were so believable!” he said, “I almost fell for it, too! You having a crush on me? Oh, man. Did Soonyoung put you up to this? You two are always playing tricks on me!”

What was happening? What is this? He thought this was a joke? Your own heart was stuttering now, your mind panicking to try and make sense of this situation. How do you salvage it? What do you do?!

“Seokmin, no, I…I wasn’t joking…” He stopped laughing, stopped smiling, and stared at you. “I really do…like you.”

You both were quiet again, but the world was unbearably loud. You could clearly hear the cars passing on the street, the electric buzz of the lamps that lit the pathway, the sounds of the evening bugs. Your ears felt hot, but your fingers felt cold and your heart was pounding so hard you could swear it was just as audible as the cars on the street.

There was still a chance. There was still hope…until there wasn’t.

“Oh…Y/N,” Seokmin sighed, frowning and rubbing the back of his head uncomfortably.

Oh no…

“I’m…I’m sorry, but…”

What have you done?

“I don’t feel the same way. I like someone else.”

Your heart came to a screeching halt and then dive-bombed right into your stomach. Your hands felt clammy in your own grip as you tried to keep yourself from falling apart.

“O-Oh,” you muttered, dropping your gaze to your feet, “I-I just thought that…maybe…I-I mean, you were always so…sweet to me. Always buying my lunch and encouraging me and going out of your way for me…and asking me to go see a movie with you…”

“We hadn’t gotten a chance to just hang out in a long time and no one else wanted to watch this movie with me,” he explained, looking away from you as well, “And of course I would do all of those other things for you. You’re one of my best friends! But I would never like you in that way. I mean, it’s you. Why would I like someone like you?”

The coldest of winds passed over you and you felt like crumbling into nothing. That’s how you felt now, anyway…like nothing. Seokmin seemed to realize how harsh his words sounded and started to panic.

“Oh, no, Y/N! I didn’t mean it like that!” He took a step towards you, but you took two back. “Y/N, please. That was an asshole-thing for me to say and I’m sorry! I just meant that-”

You held a hand up and when you lifted your gaze, Seokmin could’ve sworn he had been hit in the gut by a train. The unshed tears in your eyes were things he never wanted to see, let alone be the reason for. The smile painted on your lips looked painful and he wished he could turn back time to keep this all from happening.

Regardless, you still continued to smile and took a deep breath through your nose, “It’s okay…Seokmin. I understand. I’m not the one you like and I looked at everything all wrong. It’s my fault for seeing things that weren’t there.”

He had no words, watching you dab at the tears that escaped and streaked down your cheeks, attempting not to smudge your makeup. You composed yourself as best you could, shaking your head.

“I think…I’m going to go home by myself,” you whispered, looking past him to avoid seeing the pitiful look he cast at you, “I can’t be around you right now.”

“Y/N, please don’t be like this. I don’t want to lose my friend.” He reached for you desperately when you walked past him, “I can’t let you walk home by yourself!”

You avoided his touch and stopped just three steps ahead of him, “…You can and you will. Good night, Seokmin.”

And then you left, not once looking back for fear of breaking down. You weren’t exactly sure how you got back to your apartment without breaking out into tears first, but when you arrived, you heard what sounded like Miaka and Soonyoung having some kind of battle from all the shouting you heard on the other side of the door.

You closed your eyes. Soonyoung…you didn’t have the strength to fake happiness in front of him right now, even though you knew how much he hated to see you sad.

With a deep sigh, and zombie-like movements, you walked inside and closed the door. The sounds of Mario Kart met your ears followed by Soonyoung shouting about how Miaka could ‘eat his tail’; his character must be Yoshi…he didn’t like Bowser very much. You slipped off your shoes and took off your coat, wondering how fast you could walk to your room without alerting the other two that something was wrong.

“Hey, Y/N! You’re back!”

Oops…too late. You were already spotted.

Miaka put the game on pause and hopped up from her spot on sofa just as you shuffled into the living room, “So how was it?! Was it romantic? Everything you dreamed of? Did you-”

She stopped once she got a good look at you, her own heart dropping at the broken state you were in.

“Y/N…Y/N what happened?” she asked you, her face contorting into worry just as Soonyoung rushed over to you as well.

You said nothing and it didn’t take long for Miaka to do the math, “You told him…and he didn’t…”

With slow movements and your body shaking with your repressed tears, you shook your head.

“Oh no��Y/N, I’m sorry,” Miaka sighed, but before she could comfort you, Soonyoung beat her to it.

He slid his hands onto your shoulders and made you face him, even as you refused to meet his eyes. The wall of tears built higher and higher, you struggling to keep them at bay; it killed him inside to see you trying so hard not to cry like this.

“Y/N…” he whispered, cupping your cheek, feeling you shaking, “I’m here…I’m right here.”

And that was all you needed, the tears pouring freely and Soonyoung gathering you into his chest. He hated to see you cry, but tonight, he wasn’t going to try and force you to stop. For that, you were grateful…for Soonyoung, you were grateful. He wasn’t the man you wanted, but he was the man you needed right now.

You held him tighter and he never let go.

*~*~*~*

It was four whole months before you had the nerve to even answer any of Seokmin’s texts again. You went from being heartbroken to being embarrassed and avoided the man like the bubonic plague. Unfortunately, that also meant avoiding your other friends as well since there was a chance that you could run into him at any outing they invited you to. Your only saving grace, aside from Miaka, was Soonyoung. He had always been by your side, but ever since the fiasco with Seokmin, he became more…constant, not that you were complaining.

In those four months, he named himself your official caregiver, making sure that you were eating well, resting well, and taking necessary breaks from studying. He would clear his weekend evenings to be with you or take you to hang out with other friends once it was confirmed that Seokmin was not going to be anywhere near the vicinity. The both of you spent long hours cuddling, still teasing one another, and going on little impromptu ‘dates’ where Soonyoung wouldn’t let you pay for a single thing. He complimented you more, texted you and called you, made it his life’s goal to always make sure that you were smiling and laughing. In those four months, he became more than just what you needed. He became what you wanted.

At the start of the fourth month, you were both official after a sweet, quiet, and red-cheeked confession from Soonyoung in the glow of the TV during one of your movie nights. Thinking about it now, a whole month into your new relationship, made you giddy and giggly, especially when you thought back on the kiss you shared that very same night: sweet and tender and a little bit playful, just like Soonyoung.

“Hey, princess.” A pair of warm arms encircled your shoulders from behind, warmer lips pressing a kiss to your cheek.

You giggled and wrapped your fingers around Soonyoung’s arm, turning your head to kiss him in return, “Hey, Soonyoung. How was class?”

He started whining as he plopped down in the seat beside you at the kitchen table, “Long. And boring! I just wanted to be with my jagiya! You should switch classes so we can always be together!”

“It’s too late in the semester, Soonyoung.”

“You’re right, you’ve put too much work into your classes to change them now, so I’ll change mine!”

“We’re not even in the same major.”

“I can learn!”

You giggled at his antics, Soonyoung puffing up proudly at the pretty sound. He lived to see you this happy and giggly and loved the fact that it was because of him your eyes shined so bright. He reached over and took your hand, giving your fingers cute little kisses of affection. You just about melted and begged him to stop making you blush.

“But you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed!” He pinched you cheeks and you made a face at him. “Anyway, what are you doing?”

“Studying,” you sighed, gazing down at the books and papers strewn across the dining table.

Soonyoung hummed, “Did you have lunch already?”

You shook your head, absently reading through your notes. “When was the last time you ate?” he asked.

You paused and stared at him blankly. After a few moments too long, you said, “I…I don’t remember.”

“Princess!” he exclaimed, looking horrified.

“I had to study!” you defended yourself.

“All of that studying won’t mean anything if you die from starvation!” he scolded you, standing up, “I’m ordering us food and you’re taking a break!”

“Alright, alright, fine,” you caved, watching him go into the living room where you and Miaka left the take-out menus.

You smiled to yourself at how caring your boyfriend, your thoughts interrupted by a ding on your cellphone. Checking the screen, your heart lurched momentarily when you saw that you received a message from Seokmin.

‘It’s been almost five months, Y/N. It’s time to get over it,’ you thought to yourself, opening the text.

‘Hi, Y/N. How are you? It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken to each other…I miss you.’

You took a deep breath, steadying your shaking hands as you replied, ‘Hey, Seokmin. It has been a while, huh? Sorry for avoiding you.’

‘No worries. I understand. I was harsh to you that night and I’m sorry,” he responded.

A flashback to that night crossed your mind, his question of why he would like someone like you ringing in your head…but not as clearly as it did a month ago. The sting of it had dulled itself, that you thanked Soonyoung for.

‘You weren’t that harsh, Seokmin. It’s okay. Thank you for apologizing, though.’

He didn’t respond right away, but when another message came through, it was a bit of a surprise.

‘Can we meet up? I need to talk to you about something. I feel like you’ll be the only one to understand.’

What did that mean? You stared at the message for longer than necessary, reading it over and over again. You knew this day would eventually come, where you would have to see Seokmin face to face. You imagined it a little differently, though, where you would meet him by chance out on the University grounds, probably in passing and you two would have an awkward moment of forced laughter and ‘how are you?’ questions before finally coming to terms that you were okay and ready to be friends again. What you never imagined was Seokmin asking to see you to talk about something very important, it looked like. That’s what swayed you in making your decision, but first…

“Soonyoung,” you called out, hearing your boyfriend shuffle from the living room and back towards the dining table, one hand clutching a take-out menu and the other holding his phone to his ear.

He stared at you expectantly and you gestured for him to hang up the phone. “What’s up, Princess?” he asked, taking his previous seat.

“Seokmin just texted me,” you answered, earning a stare back in return as he waited, “…and I answered him this time.”

“Oh…how did that go? Are you guys okay?” he ventured, worry lines appearing on his forehead, which you instinctively reached out to smooth away with your thumb.

“I think so. I mean, I’m pretty sure we are, but…he asked if we could meet up. I think he wants to talk to me about something important.”

Soonyoung blinked in surprise, but brushed it aside to study your expression. You didn’t look anxious or nervous. From that alone, he didn’t see a reason to try and persuade you not to go. He placed a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently as your eyes trained themselves on your phone.

“It has been four months, Y/N, and I know that he still wants to be your friend. He always cared about you and still does. I think he also just wants to know that you’re okay and actually hear it from you this time. He usually asks me.”

Soonyoung’s comforting gesture eased the butterflies in your stomach and only solidified the decision you already made. “So…you’re okay if I go to meet him?” you asked.

“Of course! We’re all still friends and you’re mine now, so I’m not worried about anything,” he answered cheerfully, pinching your cheek.

You giggled and playfully swatted his hand away. He only grabbed yours and laced your fingers together, watching you carefully.

“Do you want me to come with you? For support?”

You didn’t even need to think about it, shaking your head confidently, “No, I’ll be fine on my own. I think this is something we need to do by ourselves, anyway.”

With that, you picked your phone back up and texted him back, telling him that you would be happy to meet up with him. About 30 minutes later –this must be really important whatever he needs to talk to you about- you were waiting for him outside the campus food court at one of the outdoor tables. You sipped on a smoothie you had ordered, an extra one you bought for Seokmin sitting in front of you.

You weren’t going to lie and say that you weren’t nervous. The apprehension was making fidgety, your leg bouncing up and down as you gnawed on the end of your straw. A small part of you thought it was ridiculous now to be this afraid. Like Soonyoung said, it had been four months! The night was over, the embarrassment was over, and you were over the whole thing.

“Y/N!”

You whipped around just in time to see Seokmin jogging towards you, barely giving you time to stand up before he was throwing his arms around you. Frozen, you allowed him to hug you, the man swaying you both back and forth as an involuntary chuckle filled your ears.

“Sorry, sorry. That was impulsive and I probably shouldn’t have hugged you so suddenly, but I’m really happy to see you,” he explained once he let you go.

“Oh, um…sure…no problem.” You gave a small smile and took your seat again, Seokmin doing the same on the other side. Remembering the smoothie you bought for him, you picked up the cup and reached over to give it to him, “Here, I got this for you. It’s your favorite.”

His smile reached from ear to ear as he accepted it, “Thank you! What do I owe you?”

“Nu uh,” you shook your head, playful smile touching your lips, “This one’s on me. Think of it as a little payback for all the times you spotted me for food.”

He chuckled, but nodded his head, “Alright, then.”

Silence reined one more, the both of you trying to figure out what dynamic this was now. Some tension remained, but not nearly as much as you thought there was going to be. You took the time to study him, just as he was studying you. Your eyes roamed the planes of his face, searching for any dark circles or ghost-white pallor. You saw nothing, but the healthy Seokmin you always knew and found yourself hoping that he found happiness with the girl he liked the way that you found happiness with Soonyoung.

“It really is good to see you, Y/N,” Seokmin stated, breaking the ice as the warmth from his smile matched the light in his eyes.

“I missed you, too, Seokmin. I avoided you for a long time and I’m sorry about that…but I just didn’t know how to face you after that night,” you answered, gaze dropping to your smoothie cup.

“I understand,” he voiced lowly, fiddling with his straw, “I was worried, though…I thought I had lost you as a friend. That was the last thing I wanted to happen and it killed me to think that it actually did. I…was scared that you wouldn’t want to meet me today…or at all.”

You were astounded, your eyes transfixed on him. How were you supposed to respond to that? How did you want to respond to that? The answer came naturally.

“You were never in danger of losing me as a friend, Seokmin,” you said, voice filled with conviction.

It was his turn to stare at you incredulously, letting you continue, “I did, however, entertain the idea of not seeing you today. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, yet, but it sounded like you needed to talk to me about something important. Is everything alright?”

Here, he avoided your gaze, a nervous laugh bubbling up in his throat. This had you curious, your head tilting to the side.

“Everything…kind of hurts.” And for the first time since you had known him, Seokmin let his smile drop in front of you, hitting you with a sadness that made your heart clench.

You sat up straighter, leaning forward with your eyes fixed on his face, “Seokmin, what happened?”

“What happened is…what I did to you that night, someone else did to me.” You were confused, Seokmin leaning back in his chair. “The girl that I liked, she didn’t return my feelings. I thought we were hitting it off really well. We spent a lot of time together, had a lot of fun…but when I confessed, she told me that she would never date someone like me and that she never wanted to talk to me again.”

How familiar? You would never wish that kind of embarrassment on anyone, not even the person who made you feel like that in the first place.

“Seokmin…I’m so sorry,” you said, reaching for his hand and holding it, “I’m really, really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N.”

“I’m not saying it because it’s my fault. I’m saying it because you’re hurt.”

He smiled sadly at you and squeezed your hand, “After she told me that, I couldn’t help but to start thinking if that’s how I made you feel. Like I never wanted to see you again.”

Oh…that made sense and, if you were being honest with yourself, that had been a prominent thought the first few weeks following what happened. You were so sure that he wouldn’t want to be around someone who had made things so uncomfortable between you two and that’s what fueled your need to avoid him at all costs.

“Truthfully, Seokmin, I did think that way for a little while,” you said, releasing his hand to sit up again, “But, I guess I didn’t have much to worry about.”

“You didn’t have anything to worry about. You’re one of my best friends. I was going to fight for you.”

You laughed, as did he, and this time, when things got quiet, it wasn’t tense. It felt…serene. At last, after all these months, the full weight of this situation finally fell from your shoulders. You and Seokmin made up, had closer. You breathed the deepest sigh of relief you’ve ever released and felt relaxed.

“I’m glad to see you doing so well after all this time,” Seokmin added, pulling a silly little grin from you.

“I have Soonyoung to thank for that.”

“I’m glad about that, too! You make him really happy, Y/N. He’s been in love with you since the day he met you!”

“Okay, now you’re exaggerating,” you rolled your eyes.

Seokmin shook his head insistently, “No, it’s true! He told me himself two days after he met you. He said that he met the girl he was going to spend the rest of his life with, but as time went on and we all became friends, he got too scared to tell you because he didn’t want to ruin the friendship he had with you.”

You stared dumbfounded at Seokmin, cheeks flushing and heart pitter-pattering against your chest. Suddenly, you released a loud, disappointed groan, throwing yourself back against your chair. Seokmin blinked at you.

“What? What? What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Poor Soonyoung! I must’ve drove him crazy talking about my crush on you all the time,” you groaned again, digging the heels of your palms into your eyes, “It was non-stop!”

“Wow, you really did like me,” he mused, making you glare flatly at him.

“I did. You have that kind of effect on people,” you replied, sitting up and sighing, “I’ll have to make it up to him.”

“I doubt he cares much at this point. He has you now! I’m sure he feels all the torture was worth it.”

You giggled and nodded your head, looking at Seokmin and then at your smoothie cup before lifting it up towards him, “Friends?”

He paused momentarily, grinning soon after and lifting up his own cup, “Best friends?”

Your smile grew all the wider, “Best friends.”

You both laughed and took a sip of your smoothies, sealing the deal. Now that the storm of your life had fully passed, you gave Seokmin an apologetic look.

“It was good seeing you again, Seokmin, but I should be going. I promised Soonyoung I would get back to the apartment with enough time for lunch and a movie before studying. Knowing him, he probably hid all of my books to make me keep my promise.”

“I don’t think he’s at the apartment,” he told you, catching you off guard.

“Huh? What do you mean? How do you know?”

“Because he’s trying to hide behind that tree over there.”

You processed his words a second too slow, but when you whipped around to said tree he was pointing at, you found a very familiar figure trying to duck behind the thin base. Your mouth dropped open and you stood up.

“Soonyoung!” you called.

He peeked out from behind the tree, donning a pair of sunglasses and a hoodie in an attempt to look ‘inconspicuous’. Realizing his cover had been blown, he pasted on the biggest, cheesiest grin and meandered over to you.

“Hey, Princess! Seokmin!” he greeted, popping a kiss on your cheek.

You narrowed your eyes at him, making him fidget, “Feel proud of yourself for spying on us?”

“Nooooo! Princess, don’t say it like that!” he whined, taking your hand in his, “I wasn’t spying on you. Okay, maybe I was a little bit, but I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

“I told you I was going to be fine,” you reminded him.

“I know, but then I started thinking what if it didn’t end fine,” he explained, his gaze never leaving you, “I didn’t want you to have to walk back to your apartment alone and sad if the worst happened.”

Oh, how this man made your heart stutter. You couldn’t stay cross with him, your expression falling into a smile as you cupped his cheek and gave him a soft kiss. He laughed childishly afterwards, embracing you right after. Once he let you go, with his arm slung over your shoulders, he looked between you and Seokmin, eyes flashing with worry.

“So are you two okay now? Like, completely?” he asked, almost fearing the answer.

You and Seokmin looked at each other, similar smiles spreading across your faces; “Yup, we’re all good!” you answered.

“Best friends again,” Seokmin followed, the both of you startling when Soonyoung released an excited shout.

“Oh, I’m so happy! I hated seeing you both so unhappy because of each other!” he gushed, cuddling you into his chest, “Let’s celebrate with lunch! I’m starving! And you, missy, are supposed to be taking a study break anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, Seokmin, before he starts rushing us.”

Seokmin stood up beside you and before you could start your way into the food court, he grabbed you in a hug and squeezed you gently. This time, you were a little more prepared and hugged him back.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“No problem,” you whispered back.

When you pulled away from each other, and you looked at him, you no longer saw the man that you had the biggest crush on and experienced the most painful rejection from. You just saw Seokmin, your best friend. His smile still made you warm, but didn’t cause butterflies. His laughter still made you grin, but didn’t mesmerize you. His touch was still gentle, but you didn’t crave it. Soonyoung was that man for you, now. Soonyoung was your happily ever after.

It took some time coming, but it got there and that’s what really mattered.

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Widomauk Week 2019

Day 3- Tarot

Coincidentally, also a modern au! Because thats just kind of what I like to write

(Discussion of sex)

The day had been one of those achingly rare ones, the ones that were empty of any work, any responsibilities, any duties. A day where Caleb had been entirely at his own mercy with no classes or papers due in anytime soon. Just a long, yawning day for him to fill with whatever he liked.

Not long ago, the idea of a day like that would have set his nerves jangling and shrieking like alarm bells. He’d once hated having nothing to do, nothing to keep his hands busy and his mind from straying to places he didn’t want it to go. A year ago, upon finding himself in a position like this, he would have either scavenged some classwork or studying to do, desperately clawing for an assigned purpose, or sunk into a depression that he might not have got himself out of for a week.

But things were different now, so different that Caleb had to wonder sometimes if he’d woken up as someone entirely new one day and just not realised it. Someone who smiled and slept more than three hours a night, someone who talked with others and only spent a few days with a roiling stomach ache brought on by anxiety. And even then, when he did feel like that, he would simply go and tell one of his friends and they would sit with him and help him remember that it would only ever be temporary.

And then one of his friends had become something more, something he’d truly never thought he’d ever have.

On his one, rare day off, Mollymauk had woken him well past sunrise with gentle kisses pressed to the nape of his neck and arms wrapping around his middle. Sleepy, gentle sex had followed without neither of them having to say a word, only giggling and trading a good morning back and forth once the two of them were panting, rumpled and sweating slightly. A late breakfast, kisses that tasted of chocolate and coffee on the threadbare second hand couch, a shared shower that went about the way you’d expect, a movie down at the theatre that neither of them particularly wanted to see but still managed to laugh all the way through by whispering comments to each other, all this went by with no effort at all. Not a single second did Caleb spend as prey to his own thoughts, worrying about things he should be doing or why there wasn’t anything he should be doing. The day was warm and bright for the verge of winter, Mollymauk’s hand was in his own and there was no reason to be afraid.

Now the long, warm day had turned into a chilly dusk that felt like it had no end, just a cool purple haze the two of them had sunken into like flies in amber. The thick curtains in Molly’s room kept out the worst of the cold that came along with the settling night while not losing the thick, orange light of the sunset. It made the whole room, with its deep purples and dark blues and gold highlighting, come to life with some strange ethereal warmth like they were in the sunset itself.

Caleb lay sprawled on Molly’s bed with one of his pillows propping up his chin. Every so often he’d bury his nose in it and inhale as deep as he possibly could, smelling his boyfriend’s cologne and the mango shampoo he’d been favouring lately and the lavender oil he rubbed onto his horns before bed. Just as Mollymauk was half a hundred colours, he was half a hundred scents as well and Caleb was determined to memorise them all.

Molly was sat on the floor, his battered old keyboard across his knees, scratching idly at the marker pen scrawling he’d done and redone over and over so he’d know which key was which note. His journal was open and some notes were scratched into it but they were the first few hesitant steps into unknown ground, nothing that was really at a good, solid run yet. He was picking some little riffs out here and there but most of it was a lot of frowning and scrawling in his books. Caleb knew Molly’s process by now, it would be a lot of this, a lot of huffing and fussing and smoking joints and melodrama until he worked the song out of his system. But Caleb always got the sense that Molly rather liked this part, he liked playing the tortured artist. And in the end the song would be wonderful, his usual mix of bittersweet and esoteric and otherworldly. . Molly just didn’t seem to remember that part right now.

“You need to take a break,” Caleb observed from the pillow.

“Why?” Molly craned his neck back to look at him upside down, “Because everything I’ve ever written sucks ass and my dreams of being a musician are completely futile?”

Caleb tried to hide the fact that the corners of his mouth were twitching upwards, “No. Don’t put your writer’s block’s words in my mouth.”

“It’s true,” Molly grumbled, turning back to the keyboard and walking his fingers across it to make a frustrated, discordant tune.

Caleb shuffled forward enough that he could kiss the top of Molly’s head. His hair had been getting very long lately, growing out of the undercut he used to keep it in. He’d spoken wistfully the other night of having hair right down to his waist.

“You’re trying to force it and it’s getting you all knotted up,” he observed sagely, “It’s like when I learn a new spell, happens every time. You get so frustrated when it doesn’t work after a hundred times but once you let go of that and turn away from it, it takes hold.”

Molly grunted, leaning back into his embrace, “Quit being so wise or you’re gonna make me admit you’re right.”

Caleb laughed at that, reaching down to bat the keyboard off his knees, “Come up here with me. A watched pot never boils and all that.”

“Sounds like a good way to burn my apartment down,” Molly hummed but he clambered up on his bed all the same.

For a little while all they did was enjoy their closeness, Molly’s hands on Caleb’s waist, Caleb’s face resting in the crook of Molly’s neck. He could remember a time when he’d flinch away from any kind of touch like this, like if anyone’s fingertips so much as brushed him, they’d see he wasn’t really there and the illusion would be broken. But since they’d found each other, he’d become a glutton for it, for feeling someone else’s hair tickling his nose, hearing a soft, gentle breath in his ear.

Until Molly broke apart, eyes shining in that way they did when he’d seized on a potentially wonderful, potentially destructive idea.

“Let’s play a card game to pass the time!”

Caleb tilted his head, “I kind of thought we were working our way towards a different activity…”

“Oh, we’ll fuck, don’t worry,” Molly laid a soothing hand on his boyfriend’s arm, “But this will make it even more fun!”

Caleb leaned back, curiosity sparked. Molly’s homebrewed card games were usually amazing and usually involved the revealing of scandalous secrets.

And after Molly had eagerly withdrawn his favourite tarot deck from his desk drawer and explained the rules, in a tone that made it sound like he was definitely making this up on the spot, Caleb saw that this one would be no different.

A question on the deck. Players withdrew two cards. Lower value card meant you had to answer the question. And from the way his red eyes narrowed and his tail lashed, Caleb knew the nature of those questions.

“Sounds fun,” he grinned, lying back on the pillows, letting the oversized shirt he was wearing ride up just a little. Two could play at that game.

“Nice easy one to start off with,” Molly declared, setting the cards, neatly shuffled, between them on Caleb’s discarded book like an island in the inky sea of his bedsheets, “Who was your first?”

Caleb snorted, “You already know that.”

“Hence why it’s easy,” Molly retorted, stretching out with an effortless laziness. He was wearing one of Caleb’s shirts as well, with boxer shorts that barely qualified as such given how small they were, showing off majority of his long tattooed legs.

“Okay, okay…”

Caleb drew the second card, Molly drew the sixth. He grinned wickedly as he showed off The Lovers.

“Appropriate,” Caleb smirked, “Alright. As you well know, my first was my roommate from boarding school when I was seventeen. Percy.”

“Come on, you can’t be that stingy with the details!”

Caleb huffed out a laugh, “There aren’t really that many! Pretty standard missionary under his blanket in bed, terrified the whole time that we’d get caught. It was the time after in the library that’s really good…”

“Wait, what?” Molly sat bolt upright, eyes shining, “Spill it!”

Caleb merely shrugged with exaggerated innocence, sliding his card back into the deck, “Not part of the question, is it?”

“Asshole!” Molly declared, surging forward into the next round with renewed eagerness, “Next question, where’s the wildest place you’ve ever had sex?”

“Don’t I ever get to pick the question?”

“I have decided no, on the grounds that you are an asshole.”

Caleb chortled when Molly drew the sixth and he drew the eighteenth.

The tiefling shrugged carelessly, “It’s fine. Weirdest place I’ve ever had sex…probably in the bathroom of the pizza place on Sixth street.”

Caleb had to splutter a little at that, “No way, really? And you go back there?”

“I never said I got caught,” Molly points out, wagging his finger, “And when the hot half elf you’re seeing takes you out dancing with a vibrating plug in you, you’ll have sex anywhere, believe me.”

“We are never going back there…”

“Why? It’s got the best pizza.”

They traded back and forth like this for a while, until their throats were raspy from laughing and their jaws sore from grinning. Caleb quickly realised his stories were never going to be as exciting or varied as Mollymauk’s but he did get to tell him the story of the time he sucked Percy’s dick in the book stacks of their school’s library. That had made Molly fidget and purr excitedly, pressing his thighs together as his ears picked up.

The two of them were teetering on the edge of scattering the cards to the floor and making a new story to tell later but Caleb was desperate to get at least one question in. Finally, Molly relented, admitting that the library study was good enough to earn him the right.

Caleb’s hand hovered over the deck, fingers twitching as he thought. What was the one thing he wanted to know more than anything?

Eventually what came out of his mouth was, “What does sex feel like? With the person you’re with now, I mean.”

Mollymauk blinked, his smile softening. He took a card gladly.

On the count of three, they turned them over and then burst out in bewildered laughter. They both held card number six. Though Caleb’s had a clearly different design from the other cards in the deck, they both held some image of two people entwined in each other, two sets of Lovers.

“This is what you get for having an addiction to buying tarot cards, I guess,” Molly shrugged helplessly.

“And for never keeping your stuff neat,” Caleb added, tucking some hair behind his ear, “You go first, though. Because it was my question.”

Molly nodded, thinking for a while, choosing his words carefully. He’d been fidgeting all the way through the game but now he was still, not even his tail twitching in its usual restless way. He looked out of the window as he thought, out into the nearly night.

The stars were coming out, one by one, finding their way through the sunset.

“Having sex with you feels like…it feels like I’ve finally found something I didn’t even know I was looking for. Something that was missing with everyone before. There’s just this piece of it finally in place, its whole, it’s complete…and that’s how I know you’re the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Caleb took a deep breath. He had to get through his answer quickly before he either burst into tears or pinned Mollymauk to the bed or both.

“Being with you makes me realise I deserve to be happy. Because you look at me and you touch me and you kiss me and…and even the parts of me that are small and sad and broken can’t deny how much you love me. And if that’s true then I must deserve it. I must deserve you.”

Molly’s hand had slid into his own after just a few words, holding tight like an anchor. Then it was his lips, as soon as the words left him. The pillows rushed up to meet them as Molly’s tail wrapped around his leg and his mouth found its way past the shirt he wore to the flushed, prickling skin underneath.

The cards fell to the floor, as unnoticed and unremarked as night finally taking hold outside. They forgot the game and left the points not noted, leaving their paper lovers to their own carefully inked embraces.  

It had been a very, very good day.

[nitrateglow]

(Slightly rambling) Thoughts on Dressed to Kill (1980)

Oh man, this might turn out to be a rant, so be warned. Also, there will be spoilers after the cut, but to be honest, if you’ve seen Psycho, you know what the spoilers are going to be pretty much, so what’s the point?

I remember in Tim Brayton’s review of the reviled Gus Van Sant Psycho remake, he said the one good thing the movie does is remind people why the original movie is such a great film. Dressed to Kill, Brian De Palma’s kind-of homage to Psycho, does much the same thing for me.

Because man, I did not like this. I’m sure some will protest “you just don’t get it, you don’t get the meta qualities about Laura Mulvey and Hitchockian sadism etc.”

No, guys. I get it. In a distanced way, I can even appreciate those ideas. But when these things are grafted to a sloppy and shockingly not-that-visceral thriller story, why should I care unless I’m writing a dissertation?

Just from preliminary reading in college film classes, I expected my worst possible reaction to Dressed to Kill to be meh or mild annoyance. Brian De Palma is known for his “Hitchcock movies,” the only one of which I had seen prior being Obsession, a riff on Vertigo that skates close to plagiarism while still having its own feel and unique twists. Not a perfect movie, but an enjoyable thriller with interesting set-pieces and cinematic storytelling.

DTK has some of this: the museum scene is rightfully celebrated, for one, very much in the spirit of silent film. Angie Dickinson’s neglected housewife is very sympathetic, about the only character the film bothers providing any emotional center or soul. The music is very Bernard Hermann, often providing ironic counterpoint to particular scenes.

Unfortunately, DTK comes off as an experiment in cold mechanics in style and cinematography. As far as that goes, it’s interesting, serving as a kind of meta-commentary on the voyeurism inherent to cinema as an art.

I don’t mind style over substance movies, and the style here is a blend of Hitchcock, Bunuel, and giallo slasher, so I can’t quite place why I am so frustrated by this movie and not at least okay with it. Maybe it’s a feeling that it didn’t have to be so hollow or sloppy. I wasn’t really scared by the horror stuff nor did I often find the tongue-in-cheek stuff that intriguing or funny.

There are some things to like: the dreamlike quality of particular scenes prefigures what Stanley Kubrick would do in his own erotic thriller Eyes Wide Shut. I actually admire the opening scene, an erotic shower scene revealed to be a fantasy the Dickinson character is having in the middle of bad sex with her apathetic husband. Those three minutes alone say a lot about “the gaze” and voyeurism and objectification than most anything else in the movie.

But for every good sequence, there lies a corresponding bad one-- like the shower scene which bookends the movie. Only this time, De Palma is ripping himself off, redoing the final nightmare in Carrie, only here it does not work. In Carrie, the “gotcha!” works because it illustrates that the bullies who so tormented Carrie were still vulnerable kids themselves and they will be traumatized by what happened at the prom.

In DTK? It’s just a gimmicky scare, an attempt to end the film on a bang. But it doesn’t. It’s just an empty bit of nothing, which is a shame, since the dream itself might be the creepiest and most effective suspense piece in the whole film.

Other things I don’t like? There’s Nancy Allen’s chipper call girl, who takes over the way Vera Miles does in Psycho, only while Miles’ worst flaw is that her character is dull, Allen is actively annoying with unconvincing line readings that feel like a kid playing dress-up. Michael Caine is comatose. Keith Gordon is actually good as Dickinson’s teen prodigy son, but he’s underused to a criminal degree.

Oh, and you know that one scene everyone hates in Psycho? The psychiatrist exposition dump at the end? This movie has its own variant on that too. Because... I don’t know.

The film also gets a lot of flak for being sexist since the central murder victim is essentially punished and humiliated for wanting a satisfying sex life, but I’m shocked no one talks about its treatment of its transgender characters or that one rather racist scene on a subway (at first, I thought that whole bit was a hallucination from the Allen character, revealing her paranoia, but no, it’s revealed as actual).

So yeah... I’m just so disappointed. I have similar feelings about Hitchcock’s own attempt at a sleazy shocker, Frenzy. I will admit I like this more than Frenzy, if only because it’s marginally more entertaining to watch, but not by much.

I’ll just close this post with a comment on Tim Brayton’s review of the film. User WBTN sums up the way I feel about this one pretty well:

More than any of De Palma's films, Dressed to Kill frustrates me, even if I've settled towards "I enjoy it a little, maybe even a lot". The sociology is a waste (not just the "trans people are murderous freaks with multiple personalities" angle, but a concentrated dash of "eeh! black people are scary!" in the subway scene), and it's easiest to accept that as the film's ultimate meaning, if you're looking for it. In a more generous mood, I don't think the film has any meaning; it's just bait. Glossy, self-reflexive Bait for everyone on De Palma's wavelength or against it and all in-between (hence the doubling down on everyone's least-favorite part of Psycho; hence the unsatisfying climax; hence the last-shot steal from Carrie, et cetera).

6/10

[inkovert]

WIP tag game

Tagged by the lovely @sweetcatminteareblog, @shewrites-sometimes, and @scottish-hellhound. I really enjoyed reading about your ocs/wips, thanks for the tag!

I’m answering this with my wip, Some Call It Fate.

1. Describe the plot in one sentence.

Teenage girl with escapist attitude wants nothing more than to graduate and leave her past and her guilt behind, but the universe has other plans in store for her. 

2. Pick one sight, smell, sound, feel and taste to describe the aesthetic for your novel.

Sight: an empty playground, vacant swing sets swaying to the cadence of the wind

Smell: the bitter aroma of ground coffee beans

Sound: the screeching cacophony of a guitar riff and thrashing drums

Feel: smoke softly caressing calloused skin, like a hesitant embrace

Taste: the sweet tang of a cherry lollipop. 

3. Which 3+ songs would make up a playlist for the novel?

Comatose by RKCB

Honey Whiskey by Nothing But Thieves

One More Light by Linkin Park 

Breakers by Local Natives

No Answers by Amber Run 

(I don’t think I had any art about choosing these songs, I think maybe one song lyrically matches a theme of my story, the others I just like the vibe of and I think they’d maybe match the vibe of SCIF) 

4. What’s the time period and location in which the novel takes place?

Present day, Kirkland, Washington (Don’t ask why I chose this random ass town/state)  

5. Are there any former titles you’ve considered but discarded?

Probably, but I’ve forgotten them all. The story has been called SCIF since I started writing it 7 years ago. 

6. What’s the first line of your novel?

It was a brisk September morning, the sun faithfully emerging from the horizon, pouring through the neighborhood, and illuminating everything in its wake.

7. What’s a dialogue you’re particularly proud of?

“All I’m saying is, maybe if you stopped running away and actually gave things a chance, you might discover something worth sticking around for.”

8. Which line from the novel most represents it as a whole?

Forgiving someone who’d hurt you was one thing. Forgiving yourself? That was a whole other ball game. 

And as I said, forgiveness didn’t come naturally to me. 

9. Who are your character faceclaims?

Cami (have no clue who she is but she’s so pretty, and she’s 100% Cami) 

Vince (Jake T. Austin) 

Spencer (Matthew Daddario) 

Eli (I had a face claim for him but I can’t remember his name and hence can’t find a pic oops)

Mira (Emeraude Toubia) 

Dawn (Holland Roden) 

Noah (Froy Gutierrez) 

Jeremy - don’t have a face claim for him :| 

10. Sort your characters into Hogwarts houses.

Gryffindor: Mira (could also be in Slytherin), Vince, Jeremy  

Ravenclaw: Spencer

Hufflepuff: Cami, Eli

Slytherin: Dawn, Noah (which is ironic cause he’s a sweetheart, but he’s pretty devious ;) ) 

11. Which character’s name do you like the most?

Mira’s :) her name is short for Amira which I think is really beautiful. 

12. Describe each character’s daily outfit.

I’ll only do this for the really main characters:

Cami - jeans and a nice top. she wears light makeup. she isn’t one for accessories/jewelry but she doesn’t go anywhere without the ring on her finger. 

Mira - changes styles frequently but a daily outfit for her would look like a crop top/halter top paired with black leggings + heeled boots. 

Spencer: nondescript t-shirt, dark jacket and ripped jeans

Vince - t-shirt or tank top, low-riding jeans, necklace, and his trusty backwards cap 

13. Do any characters have distinctive birthmarks/scars?

None that I have thought of, but Spencer has a tattoo on his inner forearm (originally it was of a phrase his grandmother said in Italian but I may change that). 

14. Which character most fits a character trope?

Vince probably. He’s that fun, hate-that-you-can’t-hate-him, comic relief character that you see in a lot of stories. But he’s my lovable character :)  

15. Which character is the best writer? Worst?

Spencer probably cause he’s just a literature nerd. Worst would probably be Vince, but only because he likes talking more than he cares to write. 

16. Which character is the best liar? Worst?

Mira would be the best liar cause she’s devious/a little manipulative like that. Cami would be the worst because she hates lying, especially to people she cares for or respects (for good reason). 

17. Which character swears the most? Least?

All my characters swear. I would say Mira swears the most and Noah the least on paper, but he swears like hell off-screen. 

18. Which character has the best handwriting? Worst?

Cami :) Worst would probably be Vince, he writes like chicken scratch. 

19. Which character is most like you? Least like you?

Cami is definitely the most like me in a lot of aspects. Mira is probably the least like me because she’s bold and daring and not afraid to call people out (I do not have the balls for that). 

20. Which character would you most like to be?

Mira, for the exact reasons mentioned above. Also she’s just really cool I love her. 

I liked these questions a lot wow. Okay, okay tagging: @bookish-actor, @pens-swords-stuff and @inkspilledqueen. Ignore if you’ve done it already or don’t want to! And if you see this and want to do it, pls feel free to say I tagged you. 

[vorthosjay]

Let’s Talk About Return to Dominaria Episode 6

Sorry for the delay, Episode 6 of Return to Dominaria by Martha Wells is here and TEFERI IS BACK. And he is exactly who I wanted him to be after sixty years of living as a mortal. Not a whole lot of plot progressions happens, but that’s a good thing because we get to spend the entire episode getting reacquainted.

Teferi's Protection by Chase Stone

Slogging through the Tivan desert toward the monument plateau, Teferi said, "Mark my words, this time I'll have the answer."

The Tivan Desert is that giant patch of land making up southeast Jamuraa. There’s basically nothing there, and this is the first story to ever go there, AFAIK.

Not far ahead was the monument, a giant block of stone partially concealed by a natural plateau. Travelers from Femeref who passed by on the nearby trade road always assumed it was an ancient ruin. It was ancient, but younger than Teferi. It was also a puzzle he had been trying to solve for years.

Okay, number one, Femeref is in northwest Jamuraa. The Tivan Desert is in the southwest. It’s THE WORST POSSIBLE ROUTE TO GO ANYWHERE.

Art by Jared Blando

I don’t understand why there would be a trading road there. I guess there are pockets of civilization out that way? But why travel past two deserts and two mountain ranges rather than just take a boat?

Also, this is a great set-up for Teferi. I like the line “It was ancient, but younger than Teferi.” a lot, it sets up a lot about him.

At fifty, his daughter was still strong and capable, but this wasn't a good age to take a fall. He should know; he aged so slowly, he had been fifty for more than a few decades now. 

So Teferi had his daughter about ten years after the Mending? 

Also, in Time Spiral Teferi is noted as having kept his body at about twenty-five as an oldwalker, he’s not just aging slowly, he’s aging at a weird pace. I wonder if as he got older, his time magic began to affect him, so that the older he gets the slower he ages.

The automaton was a good eight feet high, made of silver and copper metals, shaped like a bulky warrior with a block for a head. Its parts had separated and hung in midair: limbs, the cogs and wheels that drove it, the crystals that supplied its power. It wasn't quite still; all the pieces were vibrating faintly, caught in a timestream where the explosion that had blasted them apart was ever so slowly occurring.

This is mean, Teferi. This is literally what happened to you, getting caught in a slow-time bubble on fire.

He smiled fondly and said, "Do you remember the mechanical spiders?"

One of Urza’s first real innovations as a planeswalker were mechanical spiders to fight Phyrexia. They would emit a frequency that would hurt anything with glistening oil.

"Why would he make it so hard?" Niambi said, frustrated. "He must have known you would need it someday."

Teferi gave the stock answer. "He's protecting it from Phyrexians, and the demons and their mages, and everyone else who might want it for the raw power locked inside."

Niambi snorted. "You don't believe that."

She knew him too well. "I don't, but it's the answer everyone wants."

I like this exchange a lot. It plays into the history theme of these, what people want a historical figure to have been rather than what they actually were. It also plays into Teferi’s character, which is a man who knows way more than he ever lets on and enjoys playing games.

"I know, I just . . ." Niambi gestured in exasperation. "You were his friend! Why would he do this to you?"

Teferi shook his head. "Urza didn't have friends, not like you and I have friends. He had experimental subjects, and those just powerful enough that he considered them sentient beings, if not actually people. But he was what we had at the time."

This... this is a really good explanation of who Urza was.

Jhoira explained, "Gideon and Liliana are Planeswalkers."

"Ah, I used to do that." Teferi smiled, as at ease as if they were discussing any other common interest.

Teferi is so great in this article I can’t stand it. He still has his best quality, his sense of humor, but he’s been tempered with wisdom and humility by mortality.

Gideon had been trying to get a sense of Teferi's character, and he thought the man might want to help them. Which meant the reason he was out here really was important. He said, "Perhaps a trade? We help you with your quest, you help us with ours?"

Teferi eyed him thoughtfully. "You assume you can help me."

With a sigh, Niambi said, "He doesn't want help; he's stubborn, and he wants to do it himself."

Well, maybe not that humble. He’s still Teferi, after all.

Teferi explained, "At the time of the invasion, Zhalfir was the most advanced nation on Dominaria. Its powerful magic, its technology, its military might meant it would take the brunt of the Phyrexian attack. Urza intended it to take the brunt of the attack. And the leaders of Zhalfir thought they would triumph. I knew better."

He looked out over the dark desert, where the wind blew drifts off the tops of the dunes, the crystalline sand catching the last of the light. "I wanted to spare my people and my homeland from a war I knew would destroy them. So I created a time rift and phased Zhalfir partially out of this plane. The Phyrexians couldn't reach it, but Zhalfirins couldn't reach the rest of Dominaria, either. They still can't." 

Teferi never really gave much of an explanation in Invasion, or even in Time Spiral that I can remember. Put plainly, I can really see why Teferi might believe this was something he needed to do, and not just peacing out to screw Urza.

Into the silence, Shanna said gravely, "There were many Zhalfirins in Femeref and Suq'Ata and other places, who could never return, who lost all or part of their families, who lost their homes."

"Yes," Niambi told her. "It made Father very unpopular in our folklore, for some time."

Hence why he’s a small figure at the bottom of the memorial in The Mending of Dominaria.

Jhoira added, "He did the same to the land of Shiv. But later he was able to repair the rift and return Shiv to this plane. That's how he lost his Planeswalker spark."

Liliana lifted her brows, startled. "Really?"

"Yes. It left me unable to return Zhalfir." Teferi made a gesture, taking in the desert around them. "So here I sit."

"He hasn't been just sitting in the sand here the whole time, don't feel too sorry for him," Niambi put in.

"Stop mocking your father's existential pain," Teferi told her.

Niambi and Teferi’s characterization is great. While knowing you’ll outlive your child would be terrible, having them be your equal as an adult is something all (most? some?) parents dream of.

I love that she gives him no quarter.

"I have a plan, but it isn't going very well," Teferi admitted. "I discovered some time ago that my friend Urza had left behind a series of devices and magical artifacts that could be of some help in repairing a time rift. I've been searching a long time, but I've only found the location of one artifact. It's here, in that monument. I hope that if I can retrieve it and unlock its secrets, it will lead me to the other objects. But I've been inside the monument many times, uncovered its secrets and sprung its traps over and over again, and I still haven't been able to get to the artifact."

Gideon was glad to hear Teferi's mission was a good cause. If they could help him complete it, it would be all the better for Dominaria. "Who was Urza hiding the artifact from? The Phyrexians?"

"No. From me." Teferi's smile was dry.

So that was how it was. Gideon said grimly, "That's not very friendly."

Hmmm. I wonder, what is this artifact that Urza hid rather than use against the Phyrexians? Why hide it from Teferi - because Teferi was a rival planeswalker? And when did he hide it?

Raff explained, "They're helping us kill Belzenlok so then they can go kill Nicol Bolas. Everyone's helping each other." Liliana stared incredulously at him and he added, "It's not a secret, is it?"

Nicol Bolas literally cut Teferi to shreds (he got better, oldwalker powers and all), so I’m sure this name intrigued him, but there doesn’t seem to be much reaction to it from Teferi.

"Loose lips get skyships destroyed," Liliana said, darkly.

Nice riff on “Loose Lips Sink Ships”, but it doesn’t rhyme :/

Teferi lifted his brows, but said kindly, "Oh, believe me, I've had plenty of experience cleaning up past mistakes. And when you spend so much of your life as an immortal Planeswalker, the mistakes tend to be grand in scope. It isn't possible to erase them, but with effort you can eventually balance your account."

Gideon could see Teferi's words hit home. Disgruntled, Liliana frowned and looked away.

I would say, “with effort you can hopefully balance your account.”

I’ve talked about this some, but what is redemption for oldwalkers who do horrific things? I think that’s an interesting question, and applicable to the modern planeswalkers, too.

I also like that he recognizes that oldwalker mistakes were grand in scope. Overall this story has been great in terms of taking a hard look at pre-mending planeswalkers.

The young mage Raff crouched down to study the script carved into the walkway. "You think he tailored this place specifically to prevent Teferi from solving it?"

"Worse, I think he cheated," Jhoira said. "Liliana, do you see any ghosts here?"

HA! I love that Jhoira walks in and is like, yeah, Urza was a dick so he probably cheated to screw with Teferi.

AND SHE IS RIGHT.

Jhoira is so great.

Also: Who helped Urza with the ghosts? That’s not something he really does.

Teferi didn't want to be a spoilsport, but had to point out, "If there were things in this chamber out of phase, I'd see them."

"That's why I don't think they're out of phase, I think they're ghosts." Jhoira gestured around.

IMPORTANT!

This basically kills any fan theories about Kaya being from Zhalfir.

Spectral Grasp by Tyler Jacobson

What Kaya does is not Phasing, and the metaphysics of phasing and the ‘ghost dimension’ work differently.

Not really all that important in the long run, but a cool bit of metaphysics regardless.

Liliana said, "Imagine a drift of mist, very faint. Ghosts like these lose cohesion after time, and these are far too old to have forms. Oh, two more, second level floating down."

Another cool bit of metaphysics, ghosts lose cohesion.

"Restoring Zhalfir is not fun," Teferi corrected sternly. All right, it was a little bit fun, but he felt it was better to maintain decorum in such a dangerous place.

This is really giving you a great sense of Teferi.

Teferi held a delicate dark crystal orb nestled in a cage of silver vines. Lights glowed inside it like a captured starfield.

Here’s the first big question for this article: What is this? Is it something we should know? Or some new MacGuffin (or piece of the Legacy) cooked up for just this story? Will it even matter later?

It’s a vague match for three things of note: Heartstone, Juju Bubble, Power Matrix. Heartstones are Phyrexian powerstones that contained a Newt’s soul. The Juju Bubble and Power Matrix were random bits of the Legacy.

I’m going to have to search some novels and see if I can find what this is.

Urza had expected Teferi to be alone here, and had geared all his defenses that way. I'm not like you, Urza, Teferi thought. You never could see any other way but your own. 

You were like that, too, Teferi. Jodah called you out on it. You were always better than Urza, but that’s a low bar. You got better and I’m proud of you.

A Serran angel dropped to land in the rising sand before them. Teferi pushed Niambi toward her and said, "Take my daughter!"

As Teferi shook the sand out of his clothes, Niambi gave him a hug and protested, "I could have climbed with everyone else, Father."

That wasn't a chance Teferi had been willing to take. He just turned with her to look down at the monument.

Non-parents will probably look at this as Teferi being overprotective. Parents will read this bit and say “You’re god damn right you can’t take that chance.”

Jhoira stood by while Teferi and Niambi said goodbye on the deck of the Weatherlight. As Niambi hugged him, she said, "Have a good time with your friends. Kill lots of demons."

He answered teasingly, "You aren't even going to pretend to miss your old father."

I love that his daughter is hilariously nonchalant about all this.

"I will miss you, but I know you too well." Niambi gave him a shake. "This is what you were born to do. And once you've found a way to return Zhalfir, I expect you to visit so you can give us all a tour. Or warn us, if they want to kill you."

I’m dead. Niambi has slain me.

She touched the amulet around her neck, then opened it. Inside lay a small Powerstone, glittering in the dim light. She had made this stone herself at the Thran Mana Rig. It held Teferi's Planeswalker spark.

The hard part, she told herself, is going to be convincing him to take this back . . .

Here is big question number two: how did Jhoira reclaim Teferi’s spark?

We knew this was happening, thanks to Opt.

Opt by Tyler Jacobson

The crystal pulsed with the power of Teferi’s planeswalker spark. Had Jhoira given him a blessing or a curse?

We just didn’t know how it was happening. Of note, the section of Shiv phased out included the main Mana Rig. We already know powerstones can hold planeswalker sparks - Glacian’s was in the Mightstone/Weakstone, and his and/or Urza’s water later in Karn when they were implanted in the silver golem.

But I think it’s very interesting that Ixalan introduced the Immortal Sun, which contained Azor’s spark, only for Dominaria to use that same plot device again. Almost like spark transfers are important around this point of time.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27/02/2021 (Ariana Grande, Digga D, Ella Henderson & Tom Grennan)

I like how on the UK Singles Chart, even if it’s kind of a slow week, we still have nine new arrivals to get through. Joy, let’s just start with the rundown. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

As you’d expect, a lot of the debuts from last week were pretty flimsy on the UK Top 75, the range I cover on the singles chart, and hence a lot of it’s gone, including all of the slowthai songs, even “CANCELLED” with Skepta which reached the top 40. Another big top 40 debut that’s disappeared is, again as you’d expect, “UK Hun?” by the United Kingdolls. We do have three pretty big drop-outs though: “No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix, ”Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and the Digital Farm Animals and finally, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio. It seems that finally we’re making some room for the Spring hits to come tunnelling in by next month. That also shows in our notable fallers, as we have “Levitating” by Dua Lipa and remixed by DaBaby at #37, “Whoopty” by CJ at #39, Taylor Swift’s re-recorded “Love Story” plummeting off of the debut to #41, Fredo’s album bomb continuing to linger as “Ready” with Summer Walker and “Burner on Deck” with the late Pop Smoke and Young Adz are down to #44 and #64 respectively, “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #47, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #50, “Siberia” by Headie One featuring Burna Boy off of the debut to #58, “willow” by Taylor Swift at #59 (Not a good week for Taylor), “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran at #69 (The bigger question should be why it’s here at all), “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at #71 and “Apricots” by Bicep at #73. For our gains, well, it’s pretty weird trying to find our replacements for all of this, as we have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers back to #68 as it takes advantage of a slower week, “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek having a weird second wind at #60 – and the same goes with “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles gaining big for some reason up to #46. Otherwise, we do have some genuine rising hits in the top half of the chart, like “Mixed Emotions” by Abra Cadabra at #45 off of the debut, “Regardless” by RAYE and Rudimental at #43, “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf at #35 (Because I guess since Logic’s retired, people are looking to Australia for a half-baked replacement), “Believe Me” by Navos at #33, “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #32... Okay, if we’re going to give rising artists their first top 40 hit, why is it these guys and not Kali Uchis? Though I have a feeling we’ll talk about her next week. Anyway, our other notable gains are “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” by Jason Derulo and Nuka at #31, “Arcade” by Duncan Laurence and FLETCHER at #29, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #25, funnily right next to Joel Corry’s “Head & Heart”, “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee at #18, “Up” by Cardi B at #17, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #15 and “Latest Trends” by A1 x J1 at #12, with no real movement in the top 10. With all that out of the way, let’s stay cautiously optimistic for our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “All You Ever Wanted” – Rag’n’Bone Man

Produced by Mike Elizondo and Ben Jackson-Cook

You probably know Rag’n’Bone Man for “Human”, one of the biggest hits in the UK of the 2010s that never really crossed over stateside. I was never a fan of the guy’s music in its over-produced blues-pop crawl, so I didn’t really expect his next album to do anything for me... but I feel like it does matter to a lot of people. His first album was big – and not just moderately – with several hit singles, and he would later hop on Calvin Harris’ “Giant” to more success. With that said, I don’t know why this lead single from his upcoming sophomore effort Life by Misadventure took a month to get to the lower reaches of the chart, even with a video. Has his hype fizzled out? Is there something more behind this or do people genuinely not care enough to check out the guy’s music past his debut record that had a bigger push? I don’t know but I do know that I actually quite like this... I mean, a lot. Finally, Rag’n’Bone Man found some faster-paced production that works very well with his signature baritone voice, as this almost post-punk-esque groove may be stiff but it chugs along nicely, especially with the layered guitar loops and those inspired distorted synth bloops, with some real dynamic mixing. What I feel is missing from this is stakes, at least in the content – it seems more observatory than telling any real narrative or drama that warrants such a rocketing song, especially that screeching guitar solo. I don’t think that really matters, though, as the subject matter is interesting enough in how he discusses places he’d spent his childhood in like Brighton and London and how they’ve changed since, with a pretty understandable level of both nostalgia and anger levelled at whoever made those changes... knowing he supports Corbyn, there could be some political undertones here, but I digress. The song caught me by surprise, I hope it sticks around further than a couple weeks.

#70 – “Lifestyle” – Jason Derulo featuring Adam Levine

Produced by Rice N’ Peas

So, Jason Derulo struck gold with the TikTok fame and his return to the #1 spot as he stole some Pacific Islander’s beat on “Savage Love (Laxed – Siren Beat)” with Jawsh 685, and in 2020, everything seemed to go right for Derulo at a good time, even netting a BTS remix in the process. Now ever since then he’s been alternating between original tracks and more “borrowed” Pacific Islander beats, and this is one of those original tracks, which sounds nothing like the siren or Tampa beats so I’m pretty sure we know what the aim really is for those tracks. Whilst he’s had some success in the European markets, he hasn’t had much in the US so a catchy pop single with Adam Levine, detached of the Maroon 5 brand as that continues to fade away post-“Memories”, seems like an apt but desperate attempt at latching onto said market. God damn it, I’m embarrassed to say that it worked because this should not be a good song. It’s got a pretty funky synth riff and bassline that makes this otherwise pretty embarrassing track a lot more listenable, as Derulo’s delivery is pretty insufferable (but still pretty sonically appealing; the guy sounds great with a lot of Auto-Tune). There’s a lot of nonsense lyrics, both literally in the post-chorus and more ridiculously in the first verse, full of lyrics about how an unnamed woman is “shining bright just like Rihanna-na”, one lyric out of the whole song that is generally pretty weak lyrically, as you’d expect. The chorus is really damn catchy though, and propelled by horn lines and pianos that sound pretty triumphant, even if the clipping falsettos sound like garbage, and Derulo’s  ad-libs in Levine’s verse are just hilarious. Honestly, Levine sounds better with this hook than Derulo does, mostly because Levine is aptly and actively not trying, which is much more fitting for a messy dance-pop track. With just two verse-chorus structures, as well as two post-choruses, this is basic and practically unfinished; there isn’t a bridge. With that said, I can’t hate this at all, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s the fact that Levine’s reverb-drowned “Lifestyle!” backing vocals are cut off in the mix during the chorus... that did genuinely get a laugh out of me, don’t ask why.

#65 – “HEAT” – Paul Woodford and Amber Mark

Produced by Paul Woodford

From just a glimpse of her work, Amber Mark seems a lot more unique and soulful than most of the replaceable dance-pop singers, but for the purposes of this song and hence this show, that’s all she is, and Paul Woodford is just the boring DJ. This is a dance-pop song with 90s MIDI-sounding pianos, odd vocal processing, generic string patches, a house groove accentuated by a lot of fake hand-claps and a weak, barely-there drop. The time house-pop does something interesting for the first time in years in the mainstream beyond this garbage that’s been living in German night clubs in the 90s for decades after the fact, is the day I am a much happier woman. Skip this.

#61 – “Didn’t Know” – Tom Zanetti

Produced by Sjay

If you want proof of how slow a week this is, there aren’t even lyrics for this on Genius. Anyway, I don’t know or care who Tom Zanetti or Sjay are because guess what this is? Another house-pop track. To be fair, this one has more of a bass-heavy deep house groove and bassline, and a pretty cringeworthy rap verse from who I assume is Tom Zanetti, going for what seems like a Chicago house vibe but missing any of the soul or big diva samples, relying instead on a checked-out delivery from someone no-one knows the name of. Really, what do you expect me to say about this? It’s a sex jam, but it’s so basic and minimal that those keys in the chorus end up sounding as eerie as they do seductive, and overall, there’s genuinely nothing to grab from this other than that Tom Zanetti shouldn’t be rapping... whoever that even is. I did look up the guy and it makes perfect sense that this guy was making bassline music decades after that was big, because this screams “failed attempt” to me, and hopefully if the British public have any sense, it’ll be a failed attempt on the charts. We’ll have to wait and see on that front, I guess.

#57 – “Time” – JLS

Produced by Oswald Hamilton (or Biggz the Engineer)

So, legendary(?) boy band JLS are probably one of the bigger names from the craze of R&B and pop bands and vocalists that got big from The X Factor but JLS had actual staying  power for at least a little while, mostly because, well, there was always a place for them in the late 2000s and early 2010s, where it wasn’t uncommon to see these dance-pop tracks flooding the chart. They weren’t that great, obviously, but they didn’t need to be as what mattered to the audience and label was that the four boys kept their charm and style by the time they released a new record every November and that a couple singles off of it went to the top 10. That comment about longevity must not have lasted, however, as whilst most members were able to find some kind of success solo, usually in broadcasting like Marvin Humes, people weren’t really demanding a comeback, I suppose, as whilst this is their first charting song since their 2013 farewell “Billion Lights”, this new reunion track hasn’t made much noise at all and is probably here off of sales. I mean, the lyrics aren’t even on Genius yet... oh, wait, it’s some other guy that happens to be called JLS. Huh. Well, that makes sense, but, like, you’d want to change your name if it was that closely related to a big name, especially if you weren’t a family-friendly boy band and were instead a pretty awful rapper relying on a weak UK drill beat with absolutely no energy at all. Okay, so this sounds like several rappers here, so I assume it’s a rap group or collective. Either way, not many of these people have much charisma to talk about, like at all, and this beat can’t carry them on that lone piano melody alone, even if it is kind of menacing. The song feels twice its length, and something screams industry-made to me. I don’t know, maybe it’s because it’s a debut single, but they’re not signed to any major label so that’s just speculation. With some research, I found that it’s by two guys called Switch and J9 and a lot of fans were confused why it was uploaded under JLS, when the original song, on YouTube, isn’t even called “Time”. It’s called “Look”. I can only see this as kind of a scummy marketing ploy by a label, as I don’t think an independent distributor would be willing to change the name, artwork and artist name to believably look like JLS. I don’t know about any of this but really the song isn’t bad or really worth caring about, just a game of finding the impostor. To be honest, I’d love for JLS’ actual comeback single to be a drill banger in response, but again, we’ll have to wait and see. For now... who even gets the royalties for this?

#56 – “CLOUDS” – NF

Produced by Tommee Profitt and NF

You know what’s decidedly less fun than UK drill rappers masquerading as late 2000s boy bands? Christian rap. To be fair to NF, he’s less outwardly Christian as he is just family-friendly pop-rap with a lot of technical skill and that’s fine, although it does mean his fanbase consists pretty much exclusively white kids who think they listen to “real rap with a message” and dismiss anyone with a darker skin tone as mumble-rap. Though I don’t think NF purposefully lets into that demographic, at least from the little I’ve heard, I don’t doubt that he knows that’s his base as he continues on this lead single from his upcoming mixtape CLOUDS to criticise rappers who “go Hollywood” whilst also acknowledging how violent some of his lyrics may seem, which kind of seems like an odd thing to say in this context. I mean, NF here is only being clean rather than Christian, but not in a Lecrae way where he’s genuinely a versatile and soulful rapper outside of the religious stuff that tends to work its way into a lot of his work. Instead, NF just kind of meanders over a condescendingly bad piano-based trap beat, with pretty pathetic flows that really undermine how much technical skill this guy supposedly has. I mean, if he’s going to imitate Eminem with even more filler bars and unfunny mid-verse skits. To be fair, I can’t complain about the dude’s energy, and the beat does get better as it gathers a lot more energy in its choral grandiosity, but I feel like this one starting verse just lasts for days because of how little is actually said in three minutes, and that second verse is shorter but says even little. That’s before getting into some of these lyrics as it really is just nonsense half of the time. He claims to be “not artistic” – I don’t know why Nate meant by that but it just comes off as how it is on paper: hilarious – and also flooding the first verse with a series of ridiculous metaphors you’d be hard-pressed to wrap your head around, including questionable name-drops for... Bill Gates, of all people. I do find it ironic how despite his fanbase wanting to make you think you’re not smart enough to get NF’s really “clever” bars, the Genius annotations for one of the few kind of cool lines here show that it completely goes over their heads. NF says, “Got something in my cup, ain’t codeine”, which you can stretch – pretty reasonably – to be a Biblical reference. The song’s about fame and success, so referencing “my cup runneth over” makes a lot of sense. The annotations says that it’s unclear what’s in NF’s cup, and a comment corrects him, saying that it shows in the music video that Nate’s cup has water in it. Nice one, guys. At least Eminem murders women and Hopsin’s a racist piece of trash, what does this guy have?

#38 – “test drive” – Ariana Grande

Produced by Foster, Mr. Franks, TBHits and Murda Beatz

Ariana Grande released the few bonus deluxe tracks from her Positions album last week, and of course, at least one charted – not many others could as you can’t have more than three hits at a time on the UK Singles Chart. I know, it’s silly. Honestly, I think the deluxe tracks were in most cases better than the standard edition, and I think if we cut out the annoyingly large amount of filler in that total package, we could have a pretty damn great record from Ari, but as is, it’s really just fine and suffering from all of the issues her past few years of music have. With that said, “test drive” might be my favourite ever song of hers, with its gorgeous 90s R&B keys that lead us in to a bouncy house beat from Murda Beatz of all people (in a similar vein to “motive” from the standard edition but with actual sound design). There isn’t that much of a bass in the groove here, but it makes up for that with its twinkling synths and Ari’s delivery which sounds convincing and infectious through the whole track, which may be short at just barely more than two minutes but does not waste that time with its incredible chorus and whilst I would have preferred some more complexity or meat to this production, particularly the percussion, this dreamy blend of 90s pop styles is really fun as is, especially in that final chorus with those subtle strings and bleep-bloops coming in, to the point where you don’t really care how abruptly it ends... which actually might be a pretty fitting end for a track about a youthful, very sexually active relationship. Yeah, this is pretty great – check it out.

#36 – “Toxic” – Digga D

Produced by Trinz

Speaking of bonus tracks, here’s a bonus track from Digga D’s most recent mixtape, Made in the Pyrex, and any goodwill I had for this guy is gone because this song is deplorable. You can say it’s satirical all you want – and to an extent it probably is – but I really can’t sit here and listen to a rich guy talk about how awfully he treats women for three minutes. Basically, the song is about influencers that want to “suck his bone”, and honestly that would be fine if he kept it about the sex, rather than how much he seemingly hates these women, calling them good for nothing sex objects with the subtlety of a dusty red brick. Misogyny is common in rap music and popular music as a whole, and it’s forgivable because, really, objectification is so commonplace that there’s no point in fighting it off, and really there’s nothing wrong in a rapper saying “my girlfriend is attractive” because... well, yeah, she probably is. There’s also nothing wrong with a rapper describing or depicting sex, because sex happens, and there’s also nothing wrong with rappers describing their conflicts with women because, again, they happen, and music is never supposed to represent a perfect life or perfect human. You can express your flaws and irrational emotions, even if they are “toxic”, in your music because it’s a form of human expression that knows few bounds, and as long as there’s some kind of tact or thematic approach, I really do not mind and will often try and justify it. However, when you’ve got a guy with no charisma or personality describing how he uses his fame on Twitter to his advantage for cheap sex, what really is the point in listening to this guy? Do you enjoy hearing about how he constantly condescends and insults the women providing him with cheap sexual desires? Sure, they never sent you letters while you were in jail, but they were never supposed to. These are Instagram models and social media influencers you use to get your rocks off by sliding in DMs, not long-time relationships, and you know that, so why are you complaining when your emotional desires are not met beyond intercourse... especially when you clearly don’t care about hers? I guess Digga D is being “toxic” on purpose as the title and chorus ensues, but this is too overly-specific and based in what seem to be real-life situations for me to stick with this and justify any of it, especially him referencing the models’ substance abuse, how he refuses to drink fancy wine she bought her instead of his cheap Magnum tonic wine – a sexual stimulant from Jamaica. All that would be fine if it weren’t for how he takes this back to real life by mentioning his ex-girlfriend, breaking all illusions of satire and fantasy. In the second verse, he continues to slut-shame and condemn women for... travelling abroad? Profiting from OnlyFans? Wearing Rolexes? If you want to talk about how many designer accessories you wear, how many places you’ve been, how many women you’ve had sex with and how many women you use for your own benefit and no one else’s, as you do in all of your songs, then where’s your excuse for criticising women for doing the same thing? Oh, right, there is none! I heard a few weeks ago and talked about on this show how the government has to see Digga D’s lyrics and censor them in the case that they’re too violent. It’s pretty telling how this misogynist piece of shit slipped through those cracks, huh?

#28 – “Let’s Go Home Together” – Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan

Produced by TMS

Okay, so this is our highest debut this week, and it’s from singer Ella Henderson, who you probably know from “Ghost”. She was another X Factor singer and this song actually dates back to 2016, where it was leaked online as a duet with James Arthur. More than four years later, it sees an official release with the slightly-less-trendy Arthur replaced with Tom Grennan, similarly non-present pop singer. I’m surprised the label’s even letting her release this pretty generic pop ballad with an acoustic pick-up and lyrics about going home together while drunk, as well as trap-esque percussion because of course. I mean, her second album has been shelved for half a decade, and Tom Grennan himself has kind of been in limbo until recently, and it’s not like he’s doing anything interesting or different here with his insufferable mumbling delivery. There’s an unfunny bait-and-switch in his verse at some point that I think even James Arthur would have pulled off better, and Grennan’s last line in the bridge is genuinely just one of the worst moments in music this year, Jesus Christ – you’ve just got to listen to that part, I guess. The song’s really not worth speaking more about and I want to wrap this up.

Conclusion

A slower, less chaotic week yet still a mixed bag and mostly bad. I’ll give Best of the Week for Rag’n’Bone Man for “All You Ever Wanted”, with a really close Honourable Mention for Ariana Grande’s “test drive”. Worst of the Week should be pretty damn obvious given that Digga D’s “Toxic” even exists, but Dishonourable Mention really is a toss-up. I guess Tom Zanetti’s “Didn’t Know” might be the most embarrassing song here... apart from “Lifestyle” of course but that song really is just okay. For next week... who cares? Here’s this week’s top 10:

Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank if you’re interested – really, I just talk about Weezer more often than I should – and I’ll see you next week.

[muzakmaker]

Madeon Achieved Fame Through Copyright Infringement, And That’s Okay.

Hugo Pierre Leclercq is a French Producer, DJ, and Singer-Songwriter and just generally a typical EDM artist. Better known by his stage name Madeon. While he had some prominence in the EDM community, winning some remix competitions, Leclercq started his rise to fame when he released a 39-song mashup/song (the two will be used interchangeably in this case) known as Pop Culture. The song was created live online on a 64-button drum pad (also called a launchpad, the name brand) from samples of various popular songs, all of which, according to my research, were at least popular in France and parts of Europe if not also more globally including the United States. The genres and styles of the artists included are widespread. There’s safer, poppier pieces from all eras including Michael Jackson, Madonna, and Katy Perry while also using rock artists like Linkin Park and Coldplay and Hip-Hop and R&B Artists like Gorillaz and the Black Eyed Peas. Even more interesting, Madeon also included samples from his fellow EDM artists, using Deadmau5 tracks and other artists’ remixes of popular tracks. To top it all off, Madeon sampled himself using his own remixes of Deadmau5’s Raise Your Weapon and Yelle’s Que Veux Tu. Madeon’s masterful blending of all the different sounds of these artists and producers into something entirely new and cohesive is a testament to his skill as an artist. This high level of skill coupled with the popularity of songs created an entirely unique listening experience that employs juxtaposition and pure joy which then pushed Madeon and his mashup into the spotlight and launched his career even when copyright and royalty restrictions kept the song confined to the Internet.

Song Breakdown

The song first opens with a short sample that neither I nor Whosampled.com can seem to identify, it is played first forwards, then backwards, then forwards again. Then the opening hard-cuts to several openings combined, the main two being the now “meme-song” Bag Raiders’ Shooting Stars’ simple snap pattern of an opening and a sped up version of the piano opening to Capsule’s Can I Have a Word, then jumping into the one of the primary beats of the song. This core loop is a little long and kind of strange to describe, For the sake of time, I will refer to the first part as the “Around the World” section, as its main hook before it repeats is a sample of Daft Punk’s Around the World. This section appears throughout the song and changes slightly every time to add a little flair for this live performance. After a few trips around the world (pun intended) we get the first taste of some cohesive theme lyrically to the seemingly random mish-mash of pieces. Madeon Plays the “Missing you” hook of of One-T + Cool-T’s The Magic Key

After that, the majority of the music drops out and leaves the listener floating while Madeon throws in the chorus of Boys & Girls by Martin Solveig, using this chorus brings the overall song sound closer to a remix rather than a mashup but the prevalence of other songs makes the song’s qualities as a mashup much more apparent.

After two repetitions of the line, it does one last one while building back up to jump back into the Around the World loop, again slightly changing every time. The song then drops out again, this time using a slightly modified version of The Who’s Baba O'Riley and begins another build up. First starting with the opening lines to Madonna’s Hung Up, her lines talking on the passage of time over the subtle sound of a ticking clock coupled with the floaty feeling of the song give a Sci-Fi time-travel type of sound. This is then followed by even more buildup from the “Missing you hook” again and vocals from Gossip’s Heavy Cross. Then the real drop for the song comes in with possibly the only part that is completely original to Madeon. He wails away on a synth he plays on the same launchpad. As stated before, this solo is the only completely new composition Madeon has in this song. Lastly, the song fades out in a way very similar, but, as usual, not quite the same as fade in from the beginning.

    A technical breakdown is all well and good, but what does it all mean? The truth is, Pop Culture does not have much, if any, deeper meaning to it. One could make an argument that Pop Culture was created as a critique of mainstream music by taking the typical pop sound and transforming into a EDM banger but that poppy influence is still very prevalent in the song, youredm.com went so far as to call the song “sweet, sugary, bubblegum ear candy.” It is also important to mention that EDM was arguably on the cusp of being mainstream or being very much in the mainstream by time Pop Culture was released in 2011. My evidence in the lack of Pop Culture’s meaning is rather strange: a lack of mainstream evidence. Basically every article I’ve found on Pop Culture is a more or less a puff piece that boils down to “Hey, check this out.” or just lists the songs samples and reminisces on its release nearly seven years ago now. Pop Culture is very much about having fun and just enjoying yourself. It uses its juxtaposition of very thick and very thin textures to give the listener distinct rises and falls to sway and dance to and keeps most of the parts on the line between predictable and random so the audience can keep up but remain surprised. The reception of this song on youtube and other forums is much better evidence of this song’s significance and impact. I have three youtube videos that show how the Internet Community latched onto the song to give it more depth. The first being the unofficial music video for the song:

Released a couple years after Pop Culture, This video is visually very interesting and, more importantly, helps to illustrate just how many songs that Madeon used. By splicing together the music videos of every song that is present in Pop Culture’s aural foreground (i.e. the pieces that are easier to hear, lyrics, riffs, and hooks as compared to just beats.) This splicing adds to Madeon’s already choppy and contrasting styles. The song that truly brought the song into the spotlight is Nathan Barnatt’s dance video to the song.

Being released soon after original Live Mashup video, this video pushed Pop Culture into the spotlight and it exemplifies the pure fun of Pop Culture in addition to bringing in EDM culture’s general love of self expression and just letting go. By depicting a rather plain guy just dancing in a wide variety of locales, the video also illustrates Madeon’s love of juxtaposition. Barnatt’s carefree attitude of just dancing wherever he pleases coupled with the occasional person in the background joining in really illustrates the song’s poppy fun aspects and self expression. Compounding on that, the moment right before the synth solo, where our protagonist thinks he’s about to be ridiculed and alienated. by deviating from the norm is instead embraced and internet illustrator Jenny Fine joins in on Nathan’s fun.

The last video I have to show is a bit of a left turn from the last two. It still shows Pop Culture’s two main elements of pure fun and contrast but in a different way. This video is titled Fan.tasia and is a modern take on Disney’s Fantasia set to Pop Culture.

This video is technically part of a broader class of youtube culture known as AMV’s or animated music videos, the majority of other AMV’s typically use clips from Anime, hence why you may often see the “A” stand for anime instead of animated. Fant.asia is what introduced me to Madeon’s song and his work in the first place. The exemplary video editing greatly adds to the song but in a different way from the other two. Fan.tasia typically uses much smoother cuts and transitions than Barnatt’s or the spliced-together music video. The juxtaposition instead lies in the wide variety of clips across Disney’s decades-long catalog and using scenes from Disney’s many musicals in a different context played against a style of music very different from the source material. The video content absolutely drips with childhood joy and nostalgia which is adds to Madeon’s music choices that themselves are fairly nostalgic by time Fan.tasia was released in 2016.

The three videos above illustrate just how much of an impact the song had in the Internet sphere but that begs the question: “Why on earth didn’t such a massive hit get more mainstream attention?” The unfortunate answer to that is never expressly said but seems rather apparent with enough thought, copyright infringement. A 39-song mashup most definitely infringes upon the copyrights of every song involved. Especially the more prominent songs like Magic key and Boys & Girls which are very much the standing dead center of the song. The inherently illegal nature of the song is potentially also the reason why the song got very little mainstream media attention outside of EDM news sites. Fortunately for Madeon, he still got several offers from record labels as a result of the song and the song is protected on the internet under fair use rules but likely cannot be released on a mainstream music platform, be it physical or digital, but that doesn’t matter. Pop Culture will remain in the digital consciousness for years to come through its creative editing, its unique fan-made videos and through the pure raw joy that it represents. That is the reason why I think that this song is a significant work and why I chose it to write for this project.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #147: Crisis on Other-Earth

May, 1976

Which is, of course, a riff on DC’s Crisis on Earth-Whatever type stories. Where superheroes cross universes to team up. Or fight, in this case. Because Marvel.

A good cover that feels like it fits into that whole Crisis on Earth-Whatever type story. Really tries to hook you in. Serpent Crown? War Against the World? Squadron Sinister (no they’re explicitly not the Squadron Sinister, they’re the Squadron Supreme but they are acting kinda sinister grah)? The rest of the Avengers holding the line so Wanda can escape with the crown? Tell me more.

Last time: the Avengers Captain America (not technically on the team right now), Iron Man, the Vision, Scarlet Witch, Beast (on a trial membership), and Hellcat (Patsy Walker doing a ride-along, found a supersuit and went hells yes I want to be a superhero) were investigating the sinister Brand Corporation when they were captured by the Squadron Supreme (thinly-veiled parodies of the Justice League FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE). The Avengers busted out, escaped some missiles, and prepared to fight the Squadron again when Roxxon president Hugh Jones sent both teams back to the Squadron’s world.

And that’s where we pick back up.

Dr. Spectrum wastes no time getting the ‘donneybrook’ started, blasting the Avengers with his Power Prism. But Iron Man shoves Hellcat and Beast out of the way and takes the attack.

Hellcat is the second into the fray, jump kicking Hyperion right in the face and then dodging his reprisal punchies, musing how the suit has heightened her natural athleticism.

Also good on you, Patsy, for immediately picking the biggest person and kicking him in the face. You’ll go far in this biz, kid. Then you’ll die. Then you’ll come back to life again. And then you’ll get your own book where you start a superpowered temp agency.

The Whizzer proves that superspeed is only as good as the user by rushing straight at Iron Man and getting repulsored for his lack of tactics.

And Vision shoves a hand right through Lady Lark, intangible pain style, to take her out of the fight. Lady Lark is kind of a glass cannon. Her sonic song is pretty OP but she’s not that hard to knock out.

Golden Archer takes exception to Vision hurting his ‘bird’ but then Cap throws his mighty shield and it hits him in the stomach so he kinda has to yield.

And Scarlet Witch makes good of her recent powerup by using scarlet witchcraft to turn Dr. Spectrum’s Power Prism against him.

But then the military arrives. Army helicopters, tanks and troops, oh my! Even Airforce Whichever One Is The Helicopter.

(Sadly Hellcat’s daring ‘Kick the Superman-Ersatz in the face’ strategy did not end well, with Hyperion putting the literal squeeze on Hellcat and also Beast who joined her at some point)

Because of Different Universe, the president of these United States is Nelson Rockefeller. And he’s wearing the Serpent Crown DUN DUN DUN!

Even though its an incredibly powerful and dangerous artifact, it still makes for an absolutely ridiculous hat.

Cap recognizes the Serpent Crown from Captain America and the Falcon #181 where the Serpent Squad used it on Hugh Jones (Roxxon President) so they could use his oil rig to raise Lemuria from the sea. Lemuria being some Atlantis type dealie and the crown being from there and also EVIL. Luckily, Nomad And Definitely Not Captain America, stopped their schemes.

The takeaway is that the crown is bad news. Which Vision reads loud and clear and immediately ghosts.

Just intangibles right behind President Rockefeller and swipes the crown from him. And then tosses the arcane obscenity to Scarlet Witch.

She threatens to destroy it if the president doesn’t call off his goony goons. Which he does. Sort of desperately. And allows the Avengers to run off with the crown while everyone glares at them impotently.

After they’ve gone, President Rockefeller does a cross-universal psychic telephone call.

Because here is the thing: the thing is this: all Serpent Crowns are the same Serpent Crown and they’re all manifestations of the single nethermind. So anyone that wears a crown in whatever universe becomes the crown’s servant forever, linked with whoever else wore the crown in whatever universe.

Pretty terrifying for a gaudy hat.

So Rockefeller reaches out to contact Hugh Jones (Roxxon President) who is at the moment doing damage control over all those missiles that exploded the roof of the Brand facility.

But apparently having actual missiles launch through your roof doesn’t merit more than a verbal reprimand because Colonel Buzz Baxter just promises that they’ll put better controls on their next missiles and the police leave just like that.

This world is corrupt.

Interestingly, the narration makes a point that in the Squadron World, bereft as it is of a Nixon, nobody could suspect that a president is up to no good. Even though he wears a snake crown in public.

Meanwhile, some sunbathers have their rays blocked by Vision and Iron Man flying overhead. Even though they were sunbathing, they are apparently up on current events and recognize the two as some of the ‘aliens’ that were rioting downtown and go to report it.

Meanwhile again at street level, all the not as cool kids who can’t fly are just trundling along. Scarlet Witch, Cap, Hellcat, and Beast.

Although. Beast has been an ape, a lion, a horse-faced lion, and an ape again. Maybe his random mutations through mammalia will make him into a bat. And then he can be a beautiful blue flying garbage man.

I digress. It’s practically all I do aside from synopsizing in an irreverent manner.

Scarlet Witch has been probing the crown with her witch senses, I guess. Knowing instinctively not to put it on, its evil power is still wearing on her. Like a One Ring. Or <insert corruptive evil artifact of choice here>.

But she has determined that this particular corruptive evil artifact has crowned the heads of all the Squadron’s world’s major conglomerates at one time or another. And with its mesmerizing power, banded them all together psychically to take control of the government and big business.

Hence why Rockefeller is president, since his family is as big business in this world as in the 616 (and our world).

But the Avengers get so involved in this conversation about how there was no big moment when evil took control, just a gradual change-over, that they don’t notice Wanda has collapsed, and just walk on without her.

Vision notices though because of course he does.

Meanwhile and actually meanwhile for a change, the Current West. Thor, Hawkeye, Moondragon, and Two-Gun Kid arrive back in the present. Hawkeye even found his shirt again at some point.

While Two-Gun marvels that the Current West looks just the same as the Old West, Hawkeye Explains. The reason he’s leaving the Avengers this time is because while he was in the past, he realized he really dug the western scene. And being a bow-and-arrow man will make more sense out here than in Manhattan, Hawkeye claims. He’s not quitting though. He just won’t be around. But if they really need him, give him a call.

I think he just wants to play cowboy for a while longer.

Anyway, he and Two-Gun head off to catch some wild cayuses.

And Moondragon wants to Real Talk with Thor.

BUT WHOOPS SCENE IS CHANGING OH WELL

While the rest of the Avengers walked on, Vision swooped down to check on Wanda Witch. And the Serpent Crown really is like a One Ring or a horcrux because Wanda starts shouting at Vision that he’s a cold, unfeeling computer that never cared about her.

To his credit, Vision realizes immediately that this is the crown’s influence and suggests that maybe he take it for a while to reduce the burden slash influence on her.

She doesn’t take kindly to him trying to take her precioussss so she blows him up and runs off, intending to return to the president.

Meanwhile, Hyperion slums it with Golden Archer and Lady Lark. Just casually sauntering like non-flying people do. What a lark, if you’ll forgive the expression, Lady Lark. One leg in front of the other, how zany.

What isn’t zany is Lady Lark and Golden Archer having a big relationship fight. Time and place, guys. Time and place. It kind of darkly foreshadows some tragic stuff that happens in the Squadron Supreme maxi-series though.

Hyperion just doesn’t understand Earth’s courting rituals but reassures himself that as the Earth’s most powerful superhero, it’s impossible for him to become interested in women.

Which again kind of darkly foreshadows some stuff from the maxi-series, where Hyperion’s evil duplicate kills Wonder Woman-ersatz’s husband because he wants to be with her.

Geez. Knowing what happens in that maxi-series makes a lot of earlier appearances of the Squadron that tiniest bit harder to read.

Okay. So the takeaway is that the Squadron are people with their own problems and are not cackling mustache twirling supervillains.

And also that Hyperion runs smack dab into Scarlet Witch just when he’s talking about his disinterest in women. Just the woman they were looking for and such.

Except Vision was right behind her and he is pissed.

And now its time to show that Vision has one of the most effective powersets in Marvel comics, at least whenever he’s not being instantly taken out by cape devices so he won’t single-handedly solve everything forever.

Hyperion rushes in, peeved that Vision copped that tone with him.

And bounces off Vision who had switched to his high density form.

He then goes intangible so that Golden Archer’s detonation arrow flies right through him.

Lady Lark goes to sing but Vision just Solar Beams her, knocking her out.

So Golden Archer uses his ultra-sonic siren arrow (which is kind of like having Lady Lark in convenient arrow form as far as her actual participation in fights goes). The ultra-sonics stun Vision long enough for Hyperion to CRUMP him with a light pole. And then wrap it around him to tie him up.

Meanwhile, ‘a greater war is being waged’ as the Scarlet Witch has a battle of wills against the evil consciousness behind the Serpent Crown as it tries to get her to don that crown.

As Hyperion ties up Vision, he comments that he used this against his archenemy Burbank (Not-Luthor. Because he’s much more hirsute) the first time they fought and that he has always considered it one of his best.

Vision just deadpans “How wonderful” (which I think is his version of ‘cool story bro’) and floats down into the ground, out of the pretzeled streetlight. BECAUSE DENSITY CONTROL!

And then he pops up and Solar Beams Golden Archer.

Its Super Effective.

Because, yes. I do have to make that joke every time.

Hyperion is pretty fed up by this point. Or really, at every point of this encounter. And he gives a pretty neat badass boast while BLAM! and BOM!ing Vision around.

Unfortunately, Vision counters with his own badass boast. And he who boasts last boasts best, probably.

Hyperion: “You -- humbled me, Avenger -- something no man or creature has ever done -- or will ever do -- a second time! I AM HYPERION -- sent to Earth to become its greatest champion -- more powerful than the crashing surf -- able to fly, to see thru walls, bend titanium with my bare hands! I am invincible -- invulnerable!”

Vision: “Are you, Hyperion? Even when you face -- THE UNEARTHLY POWERS OF THE VISION?! There is no material object I cannot enter -- and disrupt!”

And down goes Hyperion.

Lady Lark has recovered her senses by this point. And sort of rolls her eyes at the men telling her to stay out of the fight, men that at this point have fallen like rag dolls.

She goes to do the one thing that she do. But Wanda punches her in the back of the head.

The narration even sort of bemoans Lady Lark’s lot in life.

Poor Lady Lark! It’s always a gamble with her super-power: will she sing her song of inevitable victory--? --Or will her opponents silence her first, and save themselves?

Anyway, Scarlet Witch is back to herself, obviously. Either that or the crown really doesn’t like Lady Lark for some reason.

But, no. She’s back in full control over her facilities.

Some part of her refused to submit to the Serpent Crown’s mental coercion. Either the inner strength of a true witch or her mutant soul or maybe being a stubborn cuss.

Vision proposes that instead it was love because that’s the kind of romantic fool Vision is, despite his computer brain and logics. He just really believes in the power of love over ancient evil crowns.

And then they kiss.

Which will get the Scarlet Vision (I personally like the ship name ‘Seeing Red’) fans hype.

And like the past several many pages of action scene didn’t even happen, Vision offers again to carry the evil crown. He doubts that it can influence his beep boop robot mind but even if it can, LOVE WILL SAVE HIM!

Also, they just walk off leaving Hyperion, Golden Archer, and Lady Lark lying unconscious in the street. But what are brightly primary colored costumes for if not to prevent people from accidentally running you over when you’re lying unconscious in the road?

And that’s how Vision soloed Superman, Green Arrow, and Black Canary.

Next time, the rest of the Avengers get their chance to fight some ersatzes some more.

Hey, follow me @essential-avengers, why not? Its the dedicated side-tumblr just for this liveblog. Send me Avengers questions or share your own thoughts on the issues I’ve been covering!

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 12 – Nothing quite pumps the breaks like lesbian sexual assault

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  They are at her husband’s old pack castle about it.  Are they hiding something?????  There’s an active shooter in the castle no one cares about and LeFoux is unconscious because of it.

If the title didn’t give it away TW: sexual assault.

Chapter 12 – Nothing quite pumps the breaks like lesbian sexual assault

Okay so we start with a lot of needless explanation of who’s there for the mummy unwrapping party.  Alexia’s real sad LeFoux can’t be there, cause she’s been shot and is just I PRESUME bleeding out in a high-back velvet chair right now. 

Alexia describes the ceremony as being unnerving to her.  The mummy’s wrappings have the broken Ankh symbol so the body is obviously the source of the humanization thing. Can we just get to that point?

We take a random detour for Alexia to explain that, despite the church employing Soulless people to fight Supernatural people, the church says that there’s no way for a Soulless to get to heaven.  ….Are you fucking kidding me?  Are we talking about the same church that used to sell get-out-of-hell free cards?  They’re not going to throw some bullshit out there like, “Soulless can’t go to heaven….unlessssssssssss they fill out a Supernatrual murder card! It can be redeemed for a free salvation or small ice cream!”  Have religious groups exploited groups they look down upon? Of course! But why didn’t they go the other way? Why are they not TOUCHED BY GOD hence why they can naturally purge the big evil Supernaturals?  Cause persecution complex is why! WHY IS THIS EVEN HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS RACISM PARTY? IT’S NOT GOING TO BE RELEVANT IN THIS STORY AT ALL IS IT?

FUCK!

So Ivy and Felicity faint while watching this.  Alexia talks more about how unnerved she is by the mummy and when she leaves the room Ivy is awake and she playing some downright epic tonsil hockey with Tunstell in front of everybody.  This comes totally out of left field by the way, there’s no explanation for it like lol cpr or “I WAS SCARED SEEING YOU FAINTED! OH GOLLY I SURE DO LOVE THE HECKUMS OUT OF YOU.” But hell I guess we gotta wrap up this shitty plot point.  Alexia, whomst, never has had an impure thought is about to chastise her for this when she hears her husband’s grunty grunts.  But he’s taking a break from angry or horny grunts to grunt in pain so Alexia goes down to help.  He’s been hit with a poison dart and is out cold.

Thank god his inane sexism shouting is put on hold.

When this is explained to the other werewolves one of them comments about how poison is a WOMANLY thing. Which makes no sense cause that’s how they tried to kill the queen. BTW bro, it seems by not having a high enough constitution roll, that makes your old alpha a fucking bitch then DON’T IT? Here’s a hot writing tip: Since this writing is smug and for women, can ONE OF THE TIMES we bring up a dude bro being sexist you can like OWN him? Instead of just rolling your eyes?

So Alexia does what anybody would do with her husband out of commission.  Get a woman naked.

She first blames LeFoux for everything, threatens to kill her, and takes off all of an unconscious woman’s clothes in order to find ~useful gadgets~ and ~clues.~

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THIS CLUE HAS REVEALED TO US READERS!ALEXIA IS SO FUCKING DEEP IN THE CLOSET THAT ANYTHING GOING WRONG IS DUE TO THE PERSON GIVING HER GAY FEELS. SHE TAKES OUT THESE FEELINGS BY SEXUALLY ASSAULTING UNCONSCIOUS WOMEN! HOLY FUCK!

But it gets worse friends cause we gotta get commentary about how great LeFoux’s UNCONSCIOUS tits are but NOT AS GOOD AS ALEXIA’S! I’M NOT EVEN JOKING!

“It was odd to think, but she had never before seen another woman’s naked body until now.  She must admit Madame Lefoux did have a rather nice one.  Not so well endowed as Alexia’s own, of course, but trim and tidy with neat small breasts.”

THIS IS SURE THE QUEER REPRESENTATION I WANTED TO SEE!

So this made Alexia mad horny (even though she denies it), but worst of all its victim-blamed away when Alexia makes a note that LeFoux’s PULSE may have QUICKENED when she was stripping her. SO LIKE THAT’S CONSENT RIGHT?

And all this goes down for what?  So Alexia makes a note that somebody MAY HAVE used LeFoux’s dart device to take out her shit husband? REALLY GLAD WE HAD THIS SCENE!

Oh yeah and Tunstell was in the room the entire time cause WE MIGHT AS FUCKING WELL AT THIS POINT!

So

So

Sooooooooooo

After my favorite scene in this series so far…Since it’s a man who’s been knocked unconscious we now have to take the loose attempted murderer seriously. Alexia grabs Maccon’s stashed away gun, and goes to get some nonsense out of the bag she put in Ivy’s room. Ivy wakes up (not knowing that Maccon has been attacked and the castle is in chaos-mode.) So she cries about how she really loves Tunstell and she’s still not sure what to do.  Alexia blows her off and even calls her love struggles ~folderol.~

Which on one hand, sure she has other things on her mind, but she doesn’t tell Ivy, “Hey listen, that blows but my husband was attacked, the attacker is loose, and I just discovered I’m a sexual predator…but like the gay kind so that sucks.”  So Ivy gets upset with her flippant attitude, in my opinion, reasonably, and Alexia waltz outta there. She remembers her papers where actually in her umbrella not her bag.  Also the papers were like her ~official~ I’m a  government snoop, let me do whatever I want papers.  She flashes them to the werewolves and they’re like, “…Okay?” and nothing changes.

So the point of the last scene? And then it gets proper muddled here and I’m surprised an editor didn’t pick up on this nonsense.

She gives Tunstell the gun, and tells him to send an aethogram.  He asks to whom and Alexia just screams at him to do it.

OKAY THEN!

She tells the werewolf pack to not go into the room where Maccon and LeFoux are and says that Tunstell will totally kill you if you try.  Uhh okay?  Not sure what that’s accomplishing? Also isn’t he supposed to be sending that gram?  Cause that machine is explicitly not in that room.  She tells the werewolves to gather all their Egyptian artifacts into one room while she’s gone.  She then goes up to send that gram and forgets she told Tunstell to do it I suppose?

She finds all the crystalline what-itz smashed up with an unconscious servant there. WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD IF YOU CHECKED BEFORE BUT I GUESS THAT’S FINE! But she hid away Akeldama’s frequency so she’s able to send a message to Akeldama about doing the research she SHOULD HAVE DONE IN THE 2ND CHAPTER.  Akeldama says that Soulless need to be cremated and basically sends her the symbol of the broken ankh.  She asked him if he knew anything several chapters ago and he didn’t but within a half hour he pinpointed the exact information she needed.  Okay cool, cool, makes a load of sense.

So after Alexia talks the death out of it with Sidheag, she realizes that the mummy was a dead soulless.  And, if dead and persevered, will emit a humanization aura. The broken Ankh is a symbol of a soulless, cause an Ankh symbolizes eternal life and it being broken means a soulless can break eternal life blah blah blah.  And like boy howdy, I’m so glad that the drama of this story is predicated on the fact that NOBODY even centuries old vampires and the members of the minority in question knows jackshit about the basics of the world around them.  Every supernatural knows the identity of every soulless, but nobody knows that you gotta burn their dead bodies?  SEEMS LEGIT!

So somebody tells them that LeFoux has woken up and Alexia tells Sidheag to tell no one about the soulless body.  I mean…maybe she should have told her to burn the corpse so they can all have their powers back but that would mean that her husband would wake up.  And her husband must not wake up to find her sexually assaulting another woman. The scandellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

Ugh!

Say something nice Faps:

I got fucking nothing for you.

[proofsaretalk]

rapidly barreling toward that 1k mark

The title is not what this post is about. (cw: five pages of boring navelgazing)

------

Sometimes, when I get really close to going to bed after staying up for far too long, I will say things like “What are you doing?” And I normally think about that as just my not-quite-totally-mentally-healthy ass’s way of saying “go to bed bro”

But somehow when I said it tonight the question sounded a lot more urgent. A lot more confused. A lot more like a question, in other words.

And I think best in writing.

So here are the basic facts:

I am very tired right now (4am)

I was (less) very tired about four hours ago

I intentionally chose to not go to bed four hours ago, 

After watching a really good SGDQ run.

I actually very much enjoy SGDQ runs.

But I did not spend the intervening four hours watching SGDQ runs.

Primarily because I knew I would not stay awake by doing so.

I more or less knew, when I made that decision, that I would be awake at 4am.

See 3.4.

I have been going to bed around 2-3am for the last couple days.

This schedule initiated by me staying up way too late on Sunday of last week, for reasons that were equally unreasonable but at least more familiar.

I need to be awake in 3 hours, or, at most 4 hours.

I have known for several days that I would need to be awake at 7am on Monday morning.

Less basic facts, with notably more reporting bias, probably:

The reason that I need to be awake at 7am on Monday morning is because I am going on a road trip with my dad and my roommate.

I am mostly going on this road trip because I want to spend more time with my dad.

And also because I want to signal to him that I want to spend more time with him.

Which I definitely feel like I have not, although I have had dinner with him for three nights this week; in no small part because I was in Montreal when he arrived and have not done a lick of work to help care for my grandmother while he was in town. 

In particular I don’t really care about where we’re going or what we’ll do there.

I intended to drive both ways— which I never told anyone that I was intending to do, which I suppose was good because I will certainly not do that now.

Maybe we’re approaching the actual reason I am doing this obviously stupid thing, Part I:

My main goals this summer are, in priority order

to get a fucking advisor, 

a.k.a. to work hard enough and deep enough on commutative algebra to determine whether it is a good idea to be Christine’s student, and

if so, to then decide whether I should work with Vic anyway.

to reach the 1k posts in 1k days goal with OTAM, 

which requires essentially exactly two posts per day every day for the remainder of the summer

which is, to an unbelievably strong level of consistency (like literally I do not believe it), four hours +/- 40 minutes of work.

that’s it

i fucking hate it when my family asks me “what have you been doing lately” because it’s like

I’M READING

I’M BLOGGING

THAT’S IT

Anything I do beyond this is— though it be, to some extent, necessary for keeping my sanity— something I perceive as an annoyance and do with a fair bit of guilt (which I do try to put off until after doing the thing, usually pretty successfully).

and you know what, yes, if I’m being honest, that includes spending time with my family

even though this is 110% my own damn problem and if I had locked myself in my room this week, my dad (in particular) would totally have understood

although he lives 1600 miles away, and is only here for two weeks, and his birthday is tomorrow, and I missed out on seeing him the first week because Montreal, because my dad is a pure cinnamon roll lol no but is (in particular) genuinely understanding about this stuff; the whole midwesterner guilt trip passive-aggressive thing is very much not his aesthetic

and also I really haven’t spent that much time with my family besides this week so. [ At most 3hrs/week previously ]

I have two blog posts scheduled for tomorrow and another one besides; that is, enough that I can go on the trip and wake up late on Tuesday and I won’t experience any interruptions

I was highly embarrassed that I had to miss the second Friday post this week

I spent a lot of time on Saturday working with the specific intention of having a large enough buffer to make sure that this did not happen again on Tuesday.

aka 4 blog posts

aka 12 hours of blogging, because the rate of 2hr/post only applies to the first two posts in a day, after which the evidence suggests (more on that below) that it’s a complete shitshow.

aka nothing else got done, which is relevant because

For the first time on our regularly scheduled Thursday meeting time, Christine actually gave me something to do — previously it was mostly entirely me being like “I’m reading the book, here are my questions”.

I have done essentially no work toward doing that thing.

See 3.4

See also 2.2 from the previous section.

I have never felt happy about the amount of time that I’ve been devoting to the algebra 

See 1.3.5 oh god this is becoming a labrynth isn’t it

Christine seems oblivious to this, or perhaps thinks that, since I bring it up every week, I am just trying to preempt any criticism she might make

which to be honest isn’t wrong but

I have experience with being advised by someone with fairly low expectations of me and yeah it drives me right up the fucking wall

and I am definitely keeping my eye on her essential silence w.r.t. progress

In particular, I don’t feel happy about the fact that I have been spending so much more time on the blog than on the algebra because the latter is clearly infinitely more important for my continued ability to support myself by doing the thing that makes me incredibly happy.

There are good reasons I have made this choice but I definitely expected that these would disappear after returning from Montreal

which they have, and hence my continued inability to spend time doing algebra is even more disappointing to me

despite the fact that new reasons obviously exist that are also obviously temporary since dad will leave on the 4th.

and that I also do strongly value my familial relationships and am extremely bad at showing this; and I understand that what I have chosen to do for the past week is a very shrewd calculation to maximize the number of people who have firsthand experience with my show of commitment (however obviously performative it may be)

to be clear, I do not know if it is obvious that it is performative

I do not even know if it is performative

The fact that my algebra assignment for the week came from Christine, and not from a vague sense of “you should probably finish this book”, adds a particular urgency to the task... 

...and what seems to be my inevitable failure to complete it, since I have only Tuesday and Wednesday; and Tuesday is the 4th of July so that might as well not exist, productivity-wise; and I still have to write the usual two blogposts for Wednesday so it’s not like I can cram a 14-hour session (which I have done before).

I do not know whether I am more concerned about potentially disappointing Christine or myself

(even though the former is so unlikely that it is almost certainly anxiety)

Okay that’s nice exposition but doesn’t actually explain why you’re awake at 4am (hint it’s 5am now), Part II:

When I walked out of Christine’s office on Thursday, I definitely did not think that I would be spending all of Monday, and essentially all of Friday, and a good half of Sunday, to be spent with family. (Of course, I still expected Tuesday to be shot.)

However, all of that was clarified by Friday afternoon, so I’ve had a couple days to mull on this.

I certainly did not make the decision to stay awake in hopes that I would get any work done.

In fact, if I am being honest, this was an intentional part of my thought process and I made the decision in spite of this fact.

What I did not consider is that, if I have to cancel the plans for today because I did this stupid thing, I certainly will not be able to fucking do anything tomorrow since I will have to sleep through everything. 

Dear God, the sun is rising through my window

I closed the blinds, whew

What I did end up doing over this four-hour period is mostly read career posts on math blogs, and reading PhD, with a little bit of SGDQ and a pinch of assorted internet clicking thrown in.

It is perhaps not obvious to anyone else that this has the feel of a self-care session to me.

The only thing that I could possibly have been consciously self-caring for, though, was the expenditure of energy at my dad’s birthday party today.

(Anxieties about the Christine reading only started appearing in the later phases of this period.)

And surely sleeping would have been equally good dramatically better self-care.

I definitely have a sometimes-useful tendency to want to do a single thing for as long of an uninterrupted period as possible, up to and including completely destroying my sleeping rhythm (which accounts for much of the ‘sometimes’ in ‘sometimes-useful’).

The part of me that likes to make needlessly grandiose statements and read into shit too much, is squawking about how I probably feel like I had expectations for how I would be spending my time (I did), and feel like I’ve been forced into a time-consuming alternate direction (which, again: no), and therefore making this stupid decision is a juvenile way of exercising control by breaking from what would probably be “expected” of me (i.e. fucking going to sleep before a day-long road trip)

I am currently convinced of this but also

I am even more tired than when I started writing this post and

I don’t trust my tired brain to be right about anything of this scope (based on extensive experience with incorrect sleeping decisions).

That’s all I got.

No alternate theories.

So, shit, that’s gotta mean it’s right, huh?

Lambda

Actually, continuing on the sleeping-as-control riff, I am quite experienced with (and, if I may say so, fairly good at) managing an awful sleeping cycle. Perhaps the stupid decision was not about controlling how I spend my time but rather more direct: demonstrating control in my life via crisis management w.r.t. sleeping.

This is actually a testable theory, at least in the sense that if I have something similar come up soon, I could replace “not sleeping” with “playing Starcraft”

[ it’s not perfect because I would also not be sleeping in that setting, but then the not-sleeping is a side effect rather than the actual display of control; and I think that I could (after the fact) actually distinguish between those two. ]

(and arguably, this has already been played out in prior incidents, but I am way too tired to examine whether similar issues were at play in those cases.)

And finally

I am equally concerned with the fact that this post has cost me two hours of sleeping as it has cost me two hour of algebra work,

which is to say, not at all, in either case

although I do perceive very little of value was gained by my writing it

which is a very confusing triplet of true statements, to me, at this moment.

I may have to cancel the road trip.

Perhaps this was my subconscious goal all along.

But I’ll go to sleep take a power nap and we’ll see.

If your sorry ass thinks that I’ve been writing this shit for two hours without theorizing how I could sanitize it into an OTAM post then frankly you don’t know me at all.

[comicteaparty]

April 25th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on April 25th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Castoff by Star Prichard.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Castoff by Star Prichard~! (https://castoff-comic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

im probably going to go with frankie's introduction. this scene fulfilled several things for me. first, it explored more of the world in a super natural way that makes complete sense to the story and gives you a better picture. second, i super love frankie. he is a great character deserving of hugs. third, i enjoy how frankie joining the party works out. it felt like so logical how everything played out despite the difficulty in getting another person to join the party naturally.

just overall though i love frankie's addition. i think his personality is a great balance to vector and arianna's personalities since both are not the friendliest of sorts since one is super shy and the other super grumpy. and i feel like frankie perfectly fits the triforce

keii4ii

That triforce analogy is great and I agree

RebelVampire

another scene i really enjoy is the one where arianna captures vector. i love the lighting on the pages because it is so ungodly ominous and really sets the mood. plus, its the first major time we get to see magic and it looks amazing (edited)

but on the frankie train, i also enjoy how he offers vector something that arianna cannot. which is knowing what its like to be feared and kind of one-of-a-kind. cause i think this makes for a beautiful friendship between the two that offers vector more emotional support in a way than arianna can't. not to mention, one of my other fave scenes is the one where vector stands up for frankie against arianna and says nah my dude, hes coming with us. that was such a significant character growth for vector that hit me right in the feels. and i think it works cause of how vector clearly empathizes with frankie, so it all ties together

mathtans

Little one seems calm in her crib now. Hiyo, and awesome to have another creator who's a teacher. ^^

RebelVampire

hi math

mathtans

I made it through 5 of the chapters. My favourites in general through that is probably the "Wait, What" moments, just because I tend to use them myself... there was the one with Zera, about Arianna's full name, and then with Arianna, who did it about Frankie coming along with them. (Also, a hint that they're related? Hmmmm.)

Zera and Arianna that is, not Arianna and Frankie.

Good point about the Frankie and Vector similarities, incidentally. I wonder if the "Frankie" name is a riff on "Frankenstein"?

There's also the fact that "Vectors" can refer to small organisms like mosquitoes that carry diseases. I feel like there's stuff going on with names.

RebelVampire

nope arianna and frankie are related now. new head canon

arianna was also a robot this whole time

mathtans

It would explain how she died.

RebelVampire

you know what, i didnt draw the connection between frankie and frankenstein

thats a good catch math

and very fitting for the character

mathtans

Though I admit my own feelings about that are Arianna's got amnesia or something, which is why she can't be tracked.

Just kinda occurred after the dramatic reveal.

Also, since I teach math, I was already suspicious of the name "vector".

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. The comic’s central character, Vector, has many mysteries surrounding him. What exactly do you think Vector is? Why is Vector seemingly able to do powerful magic beyond any mage? Why does Vector make everyone become almost possessed and panicked, and why are Arianna and Frankie exceptions? Why do you think Vector is wanted for treason? Is Arianna right that it’s a trumped up charge to get rid of him? If so, why would Alveria want him silenced? How do you think Vector wound up with Ms. Robins? Last but not least, what might all this have to do with the prologue’s opening scene?

mathtans

I got this. Vector's the guy who was tied up in the prologue, they were trying to use him to do crazy magics... and he wasn't the first, since it's implied there's others. But with him it went wrong and the magic ended up inside him. Arianna was that girl peeking at the door when it happened, so she's okay with the crazy eye thing, and it's why they thought she died. They want Vector back to undo the magic stuff, hence "treason" in order to get everyone interested.

Also, for Vector... coo coo kachew, Ms. Robins' son, Jesus loves you more than you will know. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

RebelVampire

math no XD

i also agree at least that vector is the guy from the prologue

and he got all the magic trapped inside him

and is now super magic baby

he is the living essence of magic

and the voice hes been hearing is the soul of magic

RumSoakedChicken

^^^

mathtans

Maybe it was a big plan to try to bring magic to the other parts of the world that went very bad.

RumSoakedChicken

but perhaps the yellow eyed one recieved a part of the magic

since i bleieve there was a lot of light paths coming off

and he was the first one we meet

mathtans

Speaking of which, massive props to starting things out with the failed radio-like device at the start. To put us into the frame of mind of magic. Sets the scene real well and acts as a misdirect later when you realize it's not worldwide.

There was actually a bunch of sneaky stuff then, like the mention of "Feron" ages and ages before it came up again. (Honestly, if the creator hadn't pointed that out, I'd have missed it.)

RebelVampire

i really need to go back and examine the prologue closely.

mathtans

I meant this part: https://castoff-comic.com/comic/chapter-1-page-8/

RebelVampire

ah. that is smart. good catch in details!

actually i take my theory back. reexamining the prologue, i dont think vector was the guy tied to the chair. but i do think hes basically an aspect of pure magic. and i agree that given all the light balls coming off the event, there are probably more of vector's kind out there(edited)

but since vector is an aspect of magic, thats why he has the effect he does. like maybe yellow magic is the magic of fear

vector was a yellow lantern all along

mathtans

Oh, that's an interesting idea. I like that. Since magic is colour based in this world.

(Zera is Green Lantern?)

RebelVampire

yeah see this is just an origin of the lantern corps story.

but i think vector being an essence of magic ties in all the dots. but rather than the voice being the soul of magic, maybe its the guy who probably got killed during that event.

mathtans

So how is Arianna red if zombies are supposed to be black lanterns...

RebelVampire

though if there are more vector's, youd think theres be more wanted posters. unless vector is the only one they never found

cause shes not a zombie probably

mathtans

There was no picture of Vector since he was just a wee one at the time. And I think it was said he was the only one with no image. The others they had pictures for. So if they weren't found, they're probably in hiding.

Probably amnesia. Zombie is a fun thought though.

RebelVampire

i mean its not impossible for her to be a zombie.

mathtans

An amnesiac zombie?

RebelVampire

another point for why i love vector and frankie's relationship though, if we go through this vector is magic theory, it means he and frankie are polar opposites. making their friendship more beautiful

best of both worlds i see

i can respect that

mathtans

That's pretty cool, actually. Do you ship them?

RebelVampire

i dont think i ship vector with anyone yet cause vector has to do some character growth first.

mathtans

Fair. (I think all I can ship is Arianna and Sonja. And the latter seems to have a thing for Zera.)

I do like Arianna's nickname habit.

kayotics

Popping in late to say Arianna is my fav because I’m a sucker for angry girls

mathtans

Hi kay. Cool. She seems to have had a harsh childhood.

RebelVampire

i wonder what her nickname for zera would be

maybe raccoon

cause of the dark circles

mathtans

She seemed to know him, from Zera's mental flashback. She was saying things were his fault. So maybe "jerkface".

RebelVampire

that is also plausible

actually tbf, double plausible

cause i doubt shes gonna be happy to know hes the reason shes wanted

whereas if he had just left it alone everything would be fine

and only vector would be the wanted man

mathtans

Yeah, puts a wrench into her plans. Whatever those are.

Maybe she's trying to find out her true identity. What with the amnesia.

(I should fix this broken record.)

RebelVampire

the plot twist is zera was what she wanted to steal back all along

QUESTION 3. Besides Vector, Arianna herself has some mysteries surrounding her. Who exactly is Arianna? Is she the real Arianna Marcel, or did she steal the name? If the latter, why would she steal it? Who is the real Arianna Marcel to Zera? What do you think will happen when Zera catches up with Arianna in his quest for truth? How do you think Arianna wound up on the streets as she mentions regarding her past? What do you think Arianna is after in the capital, and why was it taken from her? Ultimately, how do you think Arianna’s quest to retrieve her stolen property will interfere with her taking care of Vector and getting him home?

arianna is probably that person whose name got covered up by the speech bubble on that one page. and i think arianna took the name out of sorrow for missing who im just gonna assume is her sister. cause she desperately wished she was the one who was dead

mathtans

All you other Arianna's are just imitating so won't the real Arianna please stand up, please stand up...

I'm not sure which name coverup you mean, but I think it is clever how the art does faded bubbles for when someone's half unconscious or when someone's talking over someone else.

I do feel like Arianna's the real one though. And that she was the one spying in the prologue, as I said.

RebelVampire

i will try to find the page im talking about

the alternate is that she is the real arianna and the one who dies was her sister. i dont discount that

given the same last name i assume siblings tho?

in regards to the relationship between zera and her

mathtans

Tempting. Could be cousins.

RebelVampire

https://castoff-comic.com/comic/chapter-5-page-11/

that page bottom right

so there is clearly someone else with the marcel named that exists or once existed

mathtans

Ahhhh! So that's the mystery sister.

(Incidentally, been reading Chapter 6 in the background here. Elves are colour-coded too... makes me wonder if it's personality based or what.)

RebelVampire

i think when zera catches up to arianna hes gonna have a my life is a lie conflict and realize that whether shes the real one or not, he was never told everything about the death. cause the death of the real or fake arianna i think has a lot to do with why she was on the streets

i did get the impression the auras were based on personality

like arianna is super angry therefore gets the red magic

i feel somewhere it was mentioned real arianna's aura was pink?

which is why i do think this arianna is the sister of the real arianna. that apparently zera didnt care about at all. for shame zera. especially cause if i knew there was another marcel id be searching for that one to make sure there were no shenanigans

mathtans

Yeah, Zera said pink. Which is close, which is why I think she was just mentally tweaked a bit. Also, Arianna's eyes do the red glow thing, and I don't think that's necessarily true of others doing casting?

Starfish

Okay I’m back from class Will have to leave again in a bit but I just caught up reading everything and I’m enjoying all the theories

mathtans

Yay class! Next comes the grading. What a life. ^.^

Starfish

Ehehe, I’m technically an assistant teacher so no grading for me~

I’m an assistant ESL teacher in Japan- my part of teaching is mostly “get the kids to practice their English” via games and stuff

mathtans

Fair enough. Didn't mean to vector us off track. ^.^ Incidentally, I originally thought that maybe Vector's power didn't work on Frankie because he only had the one eye, so the eyepatch was saving him. Until the whole metal revelation.

biab

RebelVampire

ya know tbf that was a decent theory before the metal reveal.

im sticking with our arianna being fake and think shes after something of the real arianna's. like a magic gem or something. i do think down the line arianna is gonna have to pick which is more important: the thing she was trying to get or vector. and i think shell be a good person and pick vector cause shes growing and learning its not cool to sacrifice ppl for your aims

on a side note i hope we get to meet her merc company

im interested to see them(edited)

mathtans

Maybe they have gem boasting nights out. "Mine's bigger" and all that.

RebelVampire

i hope thats true somewhere in the comic's world XD

mathtans

It might be why people are annoyed at the elves.

Heh, "Best Friends plus Arianna", nice one. Made it to Chapter 7.

RebelVampire

i found it interesting that even the elves freaked out at vector. cause the minute they appeared that was the largest question on my mind. if theyd be effected or not

QUESTION 4. Of course, there are a few other mysteries present within the story. Do you think there is any story related reason only some continents in the world have magic? Why do you think Frankie, a machine, was created? Further, what is Frankie doing in Kardia in the first place? How do you think Frankie might help or hinder Vector and Arianna getting back to Alveria, especially since he’ll be aiding criminals? Back in Alveria, why do you think General Brisse was so critical of Zera? Do you think he might know something the others don’t? Overall, what do you think will happen once the characters are back in Alveria? Who will side with who on this matter?

i do think the lack of magic might be related. but i kind of think maybe its the opposite to what was already stated. and that the ppl in the prologue were trying to monopolize magic so they could be the superior country

mathtans

I think Frankie coming to Kardia is related to his injuries. Like he escaped from his creators or something. That's why they couldn't fix him and he had to do it himself.

Hmmm, maybe there's some big magic/tech war going on in the background and only the General is in on it. The magic people are temporarily undefended what with Vector having most of the magic bottled away, hence why their shield is only around their castle and not the whole capitol, and why they want Vector back - or dead, if that would spread the magic around.

RebelVampire

i considered that as a possibility. cause usually magic and tech are at war. and weve already seen evidence that magic users think tech is dumb cause how silly of ppl to want things that magic can already do.

but also math how dare you suggest frankie has such a tragic past

hes too innocent for that

and i have to go weep in the corner for him now

frankie was probably created with not good intentions. i mean i could pretend he was meant to test the legs of tech and see how far they could go. more likely they just wanted a robot assassin

am i the only one who things brisse has something to do with arianna's death? cause he seemed really critical of what is actually a good lead to finding a criminal he super wants. and i mean it could just be the last name thing, but i still get the impression he knows something

mathtans

Aw. I feel like all the characters have tragic pasts though. And when Frankie told his story, I did wonder why he had to fix himself up... like, did he maybe even kill his creator? And repressed the memory along with the defense personality?

I think Brisse is just pretty focussed and has probably read Zera's files. I could be wrong. Though it reminds me of Terran. I like him as a secondary character. Good puns, and good plans for circumventing things that aren't technically against the rules.

RebelVampire

yes i appreciate him having a loose interpretion of what he should and shouldnt do

i hope the creator isnt dead just for the story potential tbh

for frankie

cause thats just what they need

frankie's creator showing up to say "hey frankie what up"

and frankie can be like "oh noooooo"

mathtans

Twist, Frankie's creator is a zombie.

Still thinking about side characters actually, the scene between the bookstore woman and the priest was nice. Kind of superfluous at first glance, but it gave Vector more backstory and added more to the world.

Also confirmed not-dead.

RebelVampire

yeah i was intrigued by that scene. but tbf as a character ms robins is useful cause she can give us insight into whats going on in the capital outside of the royal guard

cause surely shell see the wanted poster at some point

and go wtf

maybe even try talking to someone

get thrown in jail

tell vector if he doesnt show up theyll assume she did the treason

i took that from happy to sad

very quickly

mathtans

That's a very good point. I hadn't considered that.

Maybe she'll meet them as they're approaching the city.

RebelVampire

yeah she could also be a key ally in helping them

cause for sure i think itll be obvious to the guards at a point theyre heading back to the capital

mathtans

She does seem very overprotective. I wondered about her reaction initially, as Arianna didn't seem so bad. Then, of course, she proved to be self-serving.

RebelVampire

after they get frankie his own wanted poster

mathtans

Wanted... for cuddling.

RebelVampire

wanted for being a great dude

mathtans

One other thing I want to mention before we wrap up is I dig the art style on the characters. I'm not quite sure what it is, the larger eyes or the hairstyles or some mix? But I like it.

Just don't get Frankie wet. He's like a gremlin.

RebelVampire

yeah i really love the art style as well. although what sells it for me is the magic. that magic circle in the prologue was beautiful with how it glowed and made me eager to see more of the magic.

but i might just be a sucker for magic circles

before we close out i do want to say i think zera will join forces with the main trio at some point

mathtans

Oh, I dig magic circles too. Big Nanoha junkie over here.

RebelVampire

cause zera does not seem like someone whod look at shady stuff going on and be like "im ok with this"

mathtans

Zera does seem to have a conscience. I think they'll butt heads first though.

RebelVampire

oh for sure

i hope terran finds something interesting in zera's file

like zera has a side career as a juggler once

mathtans

He finds... a magic square!

(Hey, if colours can vary, why not shapes. )

RebelVampire

ya know what, despite that being a joke thatd be very interesting

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Star Prichard, as well, for making Castoff. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Star Prichard’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://castoff-comic.com/

Star’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/castoff

Castoff’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/CastoffComic