#hence why most of the time i don't even bother and just suffer

[knifegremliin]

HEARTBREAKING! man has worst headache known to man but can't take anything for it because he already took meds for a headache earlier and cannot take any more for the day

[ikamigami]

I think that there's something going on with Sun.

In this post I'll be talking about how recently Sun is acting a little bit odd.

We all know that Sun was worrying about Moon even before Earth told him what Moon was planning to do. So it's not that weird that he's more stressed. But there are some things that makes me think that there's more going on with Sun. Something which Sun hides from others - probably because he doesn't consider it to be a big deal or even a real issue..

I talked plenty of times about how people suffering from depressive psychosis often don't say anything about their symptoms. We saw that with Sun as well. Sun didn't open up about having hallucinations on his own. Both Earth and Moon found out by accident. Because they were there when Sun was hallucinating.

I said that it wouldn't be surprising if Sun was hiding his symptoms once again after feeling better. I've seen people saying "how Sun would be hiding his issues for so long?" etc. And that's a good question. But answer is really simple - this disorder is just like that. I like to think about it as a silent disorder. Also Sun probably thinks that he's okay. So why he would bother anyone about his "not a big deal" issues..

Beside that I was hiding my symptoms for more or less a decade so...

And with what I said recently that I think that Sun may not be that much aware of what exactly is going on with him - he's only slightly aware which is common for people suffering from depressive psychosis hence why they hide their symptoms because they feel ashamed and they feel like a burden and Sun also may think that it's not that important which he even told that Earth - it wouldn't be surprising that he could have another psychotic episode without him realizing it.

It's most probably that his family thinks that when hallucinations ended and that he seems fine that it was just a one time thing and not that he might be suffering from disorder - Sun also thinks the same.

And here's the thing. In depressive psychosis it's hard to tell when next episode may happen. Often times a person suffering from it will experience a relapse after receiving treatment (even many years after the treatment). So what about when someone isn't treated for depressive psychosis or if treatment isn't specifically for depressive psychosis (and we all know that Earth isn't a professionalist) - having another psychotic episode is more likely to happen.

So now when I explained some things we can get to the point of this post.

Sun is acting odd recently.

I already talked about Sun's line "sometimes I wonder if it'd be better if Moon and I never separated" from second therapy episode and explained what it is a callback to and what it probably means.

So let's talk about other "odd" things.

On second family therapy episode near the end Sun walked up to a radio to turn it off and under his breath he said "please stop". The issue is that radio wasn't even on. This may mean many things. But when we consider what Sun said that he's paranoid about Moon's state - he didn't explain what he meant. And I think that it was a bad thing. Sun expressed having paranoid thoughts before which is quite common for people suffering from psychotic disorders. From my own experience - it's hard to ignore paranoid thoughts especially if they're persistent and it's worse if they're accompanied by delusions. So to say it shortly, Sun is probably very stressed out. But my point is that I think that Sun is hallucinating once again.

Another thing is when Earth went to talk with Sun and Lunar about Moon's situation (before they learned what Moon is up to) Sun was standing silently waiting for donut to come back. This whole situation was bizarre. And considering how Sun seemed unresponsive and that he barely had any reaction to what Earth told him that Moon might be up to something bad (even though Moon talked with Sun about what if Ruin was still here and if it'd be okay to sacrifice him to bring Solar back which definitely should've clicked in Sun's head).. and then he was just gone. He left the Daycare because he had a break but why he left before Earth got back? And why he didn't inform anyone that he went home - cause I think that this is what he did, right? I found these things to be odd..

Another thing is when Papyrus appeared in the Daycare Sun was literally spamming words from his mouth.. it was odd to me that no one even said anything about it in the comments. Why Sun was talking so fast? The change in speech is common for people suffering from psychotic disorders. And we had plenty of examples when Sun was either talking faster so it was hard to understand what he's saying or he was mumbling to himself which often times was very hard to understand or even hear what he was saying..

Another thing was in yesterday's episode - Sun went for donut to bring it back to the Daycare and he was talking about someone who takes the donut out and thinks that's funny. But who Sun could possibly be talking about? Dazzle? Jack? Kids? Maybe kids because that's what he told Earth previously. But I find it quite odd because it wasn't happening before. I just find it odd.

But what's more important is that Sun said that he was tired of doing things. He said that he could sleep forever - hmm and never wake up? Seems like he's depression is talking. This is something more concerning also considering that Moon from that dimension mentioned a few times how depressed and sad Sun seems.. to which Sun denied it - but like I said he probably thinks that he's fine because it's not a big deal and others are in worse state like Moon for example.

If there was more things that you found odd in Sun's behaviour let me know ^^

But I'm really concerned that Sun's mental state is worsening but the worst thing is that he isn't even aware of this..

[nonexistent-introvert]

Sign of the Times

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, angst, death, depressing. Just don't read it if you're not up for this.

A/N: Based off well, sign of the times by harry styles because I cannot get over the fact that I heard this song live and I'm a sucker for song fics. the atmosphere of this fic is also loosely inspired by LIS 2 forest so hence the pic

Listen to it while reading

 “I don’t have much time Joel.” 

   Those words were not something he had expected to hear today. All warmth had left his voice and you knew that he was withdrawing himself. “You’re fine. You told me you were!” His voice got louder, the only sign that whatever was happening was affecting him despite how much he tried to suppress those feelings. “I thought I was.” You averted your gaze from him, unable to meet his eye contact. Joel stepped closer to you, “Where?” there was a demand in his voice, he was commanding you to show him. 

   You rolled up the sleeves of your shirt, revealing your arm. You saw the exact moment Joel noticed the bite on your bicep, you saw how the blank look on his face turn into a mortified look. “Jesus.” He breathed out, letting out a gasp. You quickly covered the bite back up, you figured it was better if both of you did not have to see it. “Three days.” You muttered. Three days or less before you turn into one of those things. Those monsters that are unable to control themselves. 

   Joel remained silent even as he sat beside you. A fire burning to keep the both of you warm, you couldn’t bare to admit to him that you were still freezing. That despite you moving closer to the fire, the warmth never seemed to reach you. His eyes were in a daze, he hadn’t talked to you since witnessing the bite. Joel Miller was at a loss, he didn’t know what to do, and he didn’t know how to proceed from there. Thoughts raced through his mind, like waves crashing onto him. He felt like he was drowning in these thoughts. 

    Not you too.

    Joel could not lose you. His fingers traced the scar on his nose. His heart burned as the memory of his past surfaced. When he had carried Sarah in his arms, he felt her body turn cold, how her cries became silent as he tried her best to ease her pain, tried his best to save her by applying pressure to the wound. Sarah grabbed onto his arms tightly in pain, her face scrunched up, whimpering and telling him that she was suffering. The peace that came afterward was bittersweet and the most heartbreaking thing that had happened to him. When Sarah’s cries died down, her eyes fluttered shut and the muscles on her face relaxed. He could almost deceive himself that she had just fallen asleep in his arms, just like every other day when she had fallen asleep while watching TV with him. However, the blood that stained his hands, her cold limb body in his arms as he cried his heart out over losing his daughter. Joel scrubbed his hands against each other subconsciously, the image of her blood on his hands haunting him even now. 

   Joel stood up, your eyes followed his figure as he went to his bag. From there, he pulled out a navy blue button-up before he sat down beside you again. His eyes were focused on the fire as he handed you the button-up. “You fought with me over this button-up, said it was your favourite colour.” You chuckled weakly, “I was just trying to talk to you. You were so uptight and well unapproachable.” He swallowed, this was the exact reason why he wanted to stay away. He didn’t want to go through this now. “It’s still your favourite colour is it not?” You nodded, holding the button up to admire it. “This is too big for me Joel, you would suit it.” Joel forced his eyes shut before any tears could run down his face. He didn’t want you to see him like this. “Just- take it alright?” The smile on your face disappeared, his hard exterior was breaking down. Seeing how much your situation bothered him, it scared you more than death did.

      Welcome to the final show

      Hope you're wearing your best clothes

    Joel watched as you wore the blue button-up over your black t-shirt as a form of outerwear. It was ironic how you always wore a black t-shirt, the black t-shirt that made all the crimson red blood stains invisible, almost like how you tend to hide your own matters and emotions in plain sight, and yet, no one ever seems to notice. Joel’s eyes fixated on yours, he’s trying to commit you to memory. His eyes drifted past every feature, his heart sinking, he should have spent more time admiring you, you were exceptionally beautiful despite the blood and dirt. No one was truly ‘clean’ in this messed-up world.

   You looked pretty good down here

   But you ain’t really good

   “Joel, you're scaring me.” He smiled weakly at the irony of that statement. Only you could still make him laugh at this time. “How are you?” You pursed your lips, “Pretty peaceful.” You rubbed your hands together, trying to mask their shaking and gain some warmth. Joel laid down, prepared to sleep for the day, his arm over his eyes as he tried to block out the light from the fire. 

  You stayed up, it felt weird, felt almost overwhelming to know you were on borrowed time. You had spent so many years wishing you were, spent each year with too much time to spare but now that you were truly on borrowed time. Everything felt unaccomplished. Joel’s snores erupted from beside you, you glanced at him with a sad look. Why now? Why did you have to meet him and succumb to this fate? Why not before? Your heart tightened, watching some of the curls of his hair fall onto his forehead. He had been complaining about his growing hair for a few days now. It was the few moments that proved that he was opening up. You scooted closer to his body, your hands shaking as they hesitated to touch his forehead. You inhaled before brushing his hair to the side, it was soft, a huge contrast to his hardened personality and scarred figure. 

   You laid down beside him, putting some distance between the both of you. You didn’t want him to know about how your body had started to shake and how cold you were. He shouldn’t have to worry about that. Joel’s hand tightened into a fist in the dark. His heart beating out of his rib cage at the contact of your fingers brushing his hair. How could he sleep? How could he sleep after knowing you were literally a timer waiting to go off? He wants to pull you closer, remind himself that for the time being you’re still you, you’re still with him. Images of him holding onto Sarah’s body flashed in his mind. 

   Yeah, he was better off keeping his distance from you. Maybe it would hurt less. 

  That was a lie, it had already started hurting. 

   We never learn, we’ve been here before

   Why are we always stuck and running from

   The bullets? The bullets

   “Joel.” You muttered into nothing. You had just woken up but your mind had gone straight to him. He was no longer beside you, his daypack was nowhere to be seen and the fire had long been extinguished. By Joel himself or the wind, you didn’t know. All that was different was the extra layers of heat you got from a raggedy blanket that you recognised was Joel’s. 

    Panic started settling in when you tried to sit up but your limbs went limb and you fell back onto the cold hard ground. “Joel,” you called out, you needed to see him. He couldn’t have left already. You stood up hurriedly, picking up your own daypack as you walked out of the makeshift shelter on a rock platform. The sun was up, so high in the sky, definitely way after Joel’s waking hours as he always seemed to wake up at sunrise. Your eyes wandered, the sight of trees greeted you all the same. There wasn’t any sign of Joel. You closed your eyes, taking steps away from the shelter as you felt your heart tighten and the lump in your throat form. Joel left. Like he always said he would, if anything went wrong, he wasn’t obliged to stay. It never felt real then, but it is the reality now. 

   We gotta get away from here

   You didn’t really have a plan. You would wander the woods until you collapse from exhaustion or turn into one of the infected. All you knew was that you wouldn’t be able to just sit down at the makeshift shelter until you eventually turned. No, you didn’t want to turn, you would rather cut things short and make it easier for yourself now. You pulled the pistol from your bag, weighing it in your hands. Guns were always more of Joel’s specialty than yours. You stared at the pistol, your hands already shaking. From fear? From the infection? Maybe a little of both.  

   “Hey!” The sound of the gruff voice and the hurried footsteps caught you, Joel. A smile formed on your lips. He hasn’t left you. He pulled you into an embrace, his hand covering your head while the other slowly took the pistol from you. “Hey, not now.” His breathing was frantic, if you knew better you would realize that Joel was terrified. You clutched onto the lapels of his jacket as you cried into his chest. “ why did you leave? Did you know how worried I was?” Joel scolded lightly, his hand still caressing your head. He frowned further as he felt you sob into his chest, and he held you tighter. “Hey, it's ok. It’ll be alright.” Joel didn’t know what else to say, he didn’t have to for the last few times. Sarah passed before he could say anything, Tess made sure he didn’t have to watch her slowly lose herself. 

    Just stop your crying

     It'll be alright

  You pulled away gently, you immediately rubbed your face with your hands, trying to erase the signs of your crying. Even if Joel knew already, it was just a habit, a habit to hide your emotions. Joel’s heart sunk further, your eyebags were sunken, your face and lips paler than he had ever seen. The veins on your face got more apparent, the veins on your hands were practically bulging out of the skin. Another sign of turning into an infected. “Joel, you need to leave soon.” You forced the words out, despite how much you hated for him to leave you. He had to, you would never forgive yourself if you dragged him down into the same circumstance you were in. His eyes remained fixated on yours, “Joel, time is running out for me.” 

   They told me that the end is near

  We gotta get away from here

   Joel let his tears fall. He had held back enough. Your heart shattered at the sight of his tears. Joel never cries and yet he just did, and it's for you. The guilt weighed heavily on your heart. You stood on your tip toes, he always teased you for your height. You place your hand on his cheek experimentally, giving him the choice to pull away if he wanted to. Joel leaned into your touch and his body shook with sobs. His body leaned down ever so slightly to better ease your movement as you caressed his beard. Your eyes shone with tears. “Joel, you’ll get to Wyoming. Find Tommy again and live the peaceful life you deserve. You know I always hated when people felt like shit because of me. So live a life that you’ll enjoy. You never smile much but I did enjoy admiring the smile of yours when you eventually grin because of me.” You joked lightly and he shook his head. Forcing a smile for you. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t trust his voice. 

   Just stop your crying

   Have the time of your life

   Breaking through the atmosphere

   And things are pretty good from here

   Remember everything will be alright

  “I’ll see you again on the other side. When age eventually catches up to you.” 

  We can meet again somewhere

  Somewhere far away from here

  Joel laid you against the rocks. It was morning again which meant it was your last day. You barely felt like yourself, your vision was fuzzy and blurry. You had a dazed look on your face but you tried your best to stay conscious. To be yourself, for the last few hours because Joel was still by your side. 

  The tear streaks seemed to be ingrained onto Joel’s face ever since yesterday. You knew he cried more when he thought you were unconscious. Your heart breaks for him, breaks for the fact that he has to go through this alone. 

  “You mean so much to me. More than you’ll ever know.” He confessed. Your heart flutters, the words you were waiting on for so long. You just never wished that he would tell you in this situation. “I know I don’t show it, but I do. I care for you so fucking much.” 

We don't talk enough

We should open up

Before it's all too much

   “I love you, Joel.” You confessed with the last of your energy. Your throat was so dry, it was like claws scratching against it every time you talked. Joel's eyes widened in shock. “You don’t have to-” “I love you too.” He reciprocated, letting his tears fall once again. “I always am too late.” He muttered, “Should have told you sooner.” He bit his lip, blaming himself for deciding to close himself off from you instead. You smiled weakly at him. “I’m honored.” He shook his head at you, only you could still make jokes at this time. His eyes fell onto his backpack as he stood up, throwing it over his shoulder. “You’ll be alright right?” Joel glanced at you, “Hopefully.” he replied. You grinned, “See you around old man.” You teased for the last time. Joel wished he could give you a better remark but nothing came to his mind. “See you on the other side.” he merely said. “Long live King Joel Miller” You laughed, coughing violently right after. Joel stood firm, instead of rushing to you. He knew if he did, he wouldn’t leave. He waved at you, just like he always did when he left to scavenge. You waved back, watching as his figure slowly disappeared into the woods. 

   You inhaled deeply. Taking the pistol out from behind you. You held it in your hands, it felt lighter than before. Your finger landed on the trigger, just a pull and it will all be over. You smiled, thinking about Joel, thinking about what could have been. In another life maybe. 

Will we ever learn?

We've been here before

It's just what we know

  Joel froze. The sound of the gunshot resounded in the woods. A Flock of birds flew from trees, startled by the sound. He closed his eyes, trying to force any image of his imagination of an unconscious you out of his mind. You wanted him to be happy, wanted him to forget about you. He had always been alone before you came along. He has been where he is now. The lone survivor, it's all he knows. He wore that persona like his skin now. 

   The tears fell and dripped onto the earth below him. His feet brought him forward, ignoring all the voices in his head screaming at him to go back to you. He had to go, he had to leave before the regret settles in, before he is unwilling to leave you. 

   It is the beginning of an end.

   A breeze gently graced him. Joel knew, he knew for sure that you did it. He knew that you were peaceful and one with nature now. It brought some kind of bittersweet comfort to him as he continued to let the silent tears fall from his face.

Stop your crying, baby

It's a sign of the times

We gotta get away

[skaruresonic]

Remake!James is such a prick, I hate him so fucking much.

In the In Water ending, his justification for driving his car into the lake isn't that he no longer has anything to live for without Mary, but that he can't forgive himself for what he's done.

That in and of itself wouldn't be so bad---a lack of self-forgiveness is also implied in the original version of In Water. But the real odiousness lies less in what James says and more in the implications underpinning his sentiments.

Bloober cut the original dialogue between Mary and James - the scene where he admits his mixed motives, that he both hated her for taking away his life and that he also wanted to end her suffering, and where Mary notes that he looks sad despite his shame - and instead has James monologue at Mary's corpse.

What was originally a dialogue between two parties - or, more figuratively, two sides of James making equally valid points - becomes, instead, a one-sided soliloquy where he prioritizes his wishes over those of his dead wife because "you're dead anyway, what do you care."

And no, I am not kidding. Bloober has removed most metaphorical and figurative exchanges in this game in favor of a more literal, "realistic" interpretation of events.

Here, James is quite literally talking to Mary's corpse in the back seat when he says:

...and everybody clapped because omg "'Mary's corpse was rotting in the back seat the whole time' theory confirmed, In Water must be the canon ending now." shoot me.

"I tried. I really did. But I can't... I just can't go on without you. I can't forgive myself for what I've done. I know this isn't what you'd want. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. You... You're not here. Are you?"

So Mary's wishes would only matter to you if she were alive to protest, huh, James? You wouldn't abide by them out of honor for her memory or on general principle because you, idk, loved her?

You know for a fact that she wouldn't want you to kill yourself, so you're not even going to try? Your wish to die matters more than her wish to see you live? Because you didn't exactly give her a choice in the matter, either.

In fact, I'm sure Mary would be pretty angry to hear how you value life so little that you're just gonna throw away yours out of an inability to deal with your guilt. You should feel guilty, and you should have to live with that guilt and find a way to work through it, because you murdered her.

This would be a shitty thing for James to say even if Mary had died naturally, but the fact that he murdered her makes him saying "well you're not here anymore, so fuck it" a hell of a lot skeevier. He is not going to even attempt to own up to his guilt aside from a token "sowwy, I can't fowgive myself uwu"; he can't even admit the truth, that he might have done it at least partially out of resentment. The original's nuance is eroded in favor of making In Water seem more like a classically "bad" ending, when it reality it should only be one plausible ending among multiple.

There's a reason we don't just toss people into ditches once they kick the bucket because "they're not here anymore lol." Have some fucking decorum, James, you selfish bitch.

And if you, dear reader, are thinking I'm being inordinately vitriolic towards James, I'm really not, because he maintains a self-centered attitude to the various deaths he witnesses.

He has nothing to say, zip, about Maria's first death or Eddie's death. Can't even be bothered to drum up the basic decency to offer a perfunctory "Damn, that was fucked-up."

At least Original!James was horrified at the prospect of murdering a "human being" in Eddie, a horror which jostled him into wondering whether Mary truly died three years ago (hence why the letter's writing disappears from the inventory; his delusions are slowly fading away). At least when Maria died in Brookhaven, he lamented that he "couldn't do anything to help."

The way he speaks in the remake, on the other hand, centers everything around him. It's all about his image, his ego, his feelings, and rarely, if ever, about Mary, let alone others.

This is not the first time Remake!James flaunts his ego, but it is exemplative of his attitude throughout the game. Bloober characterize him as an egotistical jerk via his dialogue and general attitude, and sometimes in the things he chooses not to say even when he should. And I cannot figure out for the life of me whether that was intentional, to push some gender-essentialist Men Bad(tm) message, or if Bloober are so shit at writing that they don't realize they've made him 100x more unlikable than before.

[maoam]

Hello, I hope you're doing well. You're one of my favourite blogs and i hope you never leave tumblr.

Genuine question, what is it about Naruto the series that make people get on so absurd and obnoxious? I'm not even referring to ss or nh fans, in every fandom of Naruto. Naruto fans and Sasuke fans (outside of the sns ship), Itachi fans, Sakura fans, Hinata fans, fans of some problematic ships, sasunaru/narusasu fans. The manga will say something like "The sky is blue". And those fan's logic will interpret is as "The sky is red.... also it's not the sky but the ground." Basically Interpreting the context and text as everything BUT how the author meant it to be understood. How can the text and context of the manga mean anything else then what it's meant to mean?

I know other fandoms can be obnoxious but it doesn't beat the level of absurdity in the Naruto fandom. What is it about Naruto that makes people behave in this way?

I do think there are other series fandoms that reach the level of absurdity that Naruto fandom has. Even snk and jjk fandom has bizarre behaviour. Harassing the staff, harassing other fans, saying the author deserves to die or suffer, stanning the characters in the most obnoxious way possible, having terrible misinterpretations of the source material... they have it all.

Look at Yuji, he's a sweet boy, yet even he has some terrible stans out there. Some shippers who like him as bottom will harass everyone who doesn't agree on twitter and in general hate on other characters, especially Megumi. And it's all just because they relate to Yuji or whatever. So they misinterpret him and act like everything needs to be about him. And some dudebros do the same, just in a different way. They think Megumi should die, some of them think Yuta is a bum who should die and so on. Because everything needs to be about THEIR fave. Some Gojo stans harass people who like Sukuna and attack them if they even dare to write analysis on Sukuna's character. Plenty of snk fans are disgusting too, like the way some people talk about Historia or Mikasa is gross. The way people misinterpret the characters to death is rampant in that fandom as well.

Itachi stans (the specific ones) can be so damn corny I don't even bother talking about them. Like they're the type who would put Senya as bg music on a video with Kafka quotes or some shit and act like they're deep. What's truly bizarre are the Sakura stans and Hinata stans, because neither of those two are impressive or likeable, so it's baffling why they have such a dedicated fanbase. Kishimoto intentionally made them unlikeable. Sakura is supposed to represent a shallow and self centered person who acts like they're a big deal and bites more than they can chew while getting her ass handed out to her constantly. She's supposed to be a laughing stock. Hinata is supposed to be a wallflower who has nothing else in her head except a boy who doesn't pay much attention to her. And yet. Their stans act like these are the most admirable characters in fiction... lol.

Shonen series tend to be "relatable" to a degree so it attracts people who need to make everything about themselves and interpret things to suit their own preferred view. Fans also tend to get angry at the author if the series doesn't follow the typical found family/mc triumphs all the time/other cliche formulas. Because those are what the readers find relatable. They're not that inclined to give chance to a different type of experience. Hence why Kage arc was so hated by many when it came out, and why Pain arc was so loved.

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Room/character closeup #2 (going in order from most to least popular based on the poll)

~Eddie & Steve's room~

Edit bc I accidentally posted this before I meant to: spoilers ahead for my full house au, as can be expected

Did you notice the pattern on the rug bc it's important to me that you notice the pattern on the rug I spent a good bit of time searching for this one specific rug guys I'm serious about this. Is it incredibly dark humor? Yes. But it is humor nonetheless

Anyway

One of my first priorities/things I took into consideration when working on this room was that I didn't want it to be too bright or have any sort of potentially eyestrain-y patterns. Steve has suffered repeated head trauma and I wanted his room to be a safe space where he doesn't have to worry about triggering a migraine or fucking with his vision or getting dizzy just from his surroundings. Hence why they have a darker, more subdued palette than most of the other rooms (which I guess you don't know yet since this is only the second one I've shown you but just trust me on this)

Beyond that, I admittedly had a pretty difficult time trying to figure out what I could do that I felt like both Steve and Eddie would vibe with decor-wise while still being a cohesive theme

Didn't want it to lean too far either way into metalhead freak or preppy golden boy territory, and besides I do think Steve's whole aesthetic isn't entirely his own and is at least partly influenced by the expectations placed on him, so I tried to go for a fairly neutral sort of vibe here

For some reason I settled on some blue jean lookin ass wallpaper, a rug patterned with the our-dimension-version of the critters that very nearly took their lives, and a few choice items to put on the walls

First off, the ship painting

This was sort of an unexpected last minute addition, partially bc I thought it looked nice with the rest of the room and partially as a character reflection

I wholeheartedly believe that Eddie Munson would fucking love anything pirate related, he probably was a pirate for Halloween at least once growing up, and he just thinks sailing ships are super cool. Plus the painting just felt like it would appeal to a fantasy nerd lol (it reminded me of the chronicles of Narnia actually but that's not really important)

And as for Steve, at least in this au but I know I'm not the only one who thinks so, he really likes water. Being in it, on it, around it- he likes swimming (refer back to his noted complicated feelings about the pool from my basement post), he likes the beach, he likes the ocean, and he likes sailing. He hasn't been many times but I'd totally buy the Harringtons having been on a yacht or some shit at one point or another. This character note may or may not be related to both his job at scoops ahoy* and him being on the swim team in high school, which is one of those things that at this point I honestly don't know if it was at all canon or if it's just one of those headcanons that become so popular in fandom that it feels that way, and at this point I can't be bothered to fact check it

*I think either he had a prior interest in sailing-related stuff and that was part of what initially drew him to that job specifically, or that working there sparked an interest which only grew with time, like maybe some of the silly slogans and terms used in ice cream flavors and maybe even the uniform stirred his curiosity/memories of going out on the water with his folks during the summers before they decided he was old enough to be left home alone for weeks at a time, and he started looking into actual sailing and found out he really liked it. (He can't stand the uniforms now though bc they trigger traumatic flashbacks, for both him and Robin)

Next, the bass/electric guitar on the wall, which I feel is pretty self explanatory honestly. It's Eddie's (although he does offer to teach Steve how to play- haven't decided yet whether Steve takes him up on that)

And then there's the horses (photo? painting?)

This is where the whole "horse girl eddie munson" thing came from; the whole idea was initially born of me trying to decide what I could put on their wall, liking this poster and asking myself if Steve and Eddie struck me as people who were into horses. As it turns out the answer was "hell yeah" and it spiraled into an entire fic idea of its own, which can be found here. As for this au, the background of them both having a "horse girl" phase/being into the idea of cowboys is still a thing, but obviously it doesn't progress the same way as that did (steddie cowboys my beloved but these particular multiverse variants are stuck playing house with their traumatized found family and slowly realizing that they actually enjoy co-parenting >:3 and this way everyone gets to stay together)

Also, speaking of the steddie cowboys thing this inspired, Eddie is trans in the full house au but Steve is a cis man (unlike in the other au). However Steve does have some gender moments here and there, like the kids "jokingly" calling him mom and him lowkey vibing with it (oh no I'm already doubting my ability to stick to the Steve being cis plan- bigender Steve agenda where did you come from??)

But yeah basically both of them are secretly horse nerds lol and that's something they discover while they're arguing over how to decorate (aka when they agree on this poster) and end up bonding over

And now for a note about their placement in the house (specifically who they share a floor with)

I've already explained that/why I wanted them on the same floor as Dustin Lucas & Erica, although I don't think I mentioned that Lucas and Steve are really close in this au* and it goes without saying that Dustin is super close with both of them

*it just feels right to me; also Steve was the only one of his friends to come watch his basketball game and Steve did chew Eddie out about that whole situation at some point but by now everyone is pretty much on good terms

Sometimes when any of the kids- but especially any of those three- have bad nightmares or can't sleep, they bunker down in Eddie & Steve's room,* the door of which is always open (metaphorically that is, but once they start dating... well let's just say the kids better knock or they're going to have yet another reason to be scarred for life lmao)

*some may think they're too old for stuff like this but I say- fuck that. A major theme of this au is acknowledgement of how these guys have had a large portion of their childhood stolen from them and the people around them are working to help them get it back, to let them just be kids and to make them feel safer than they have in a long time, so they're allowed to be "childish" and that's going to play a part in many of the events and details of this au. The same goes for the older guys too btw; like with this example specifically if Robin or Steve is the one waking up from a nightmare they find the other and both crash on the couch together for the night. You're never too old to seek comfort from your loved ones

[cruyuu]

I fear Sukuna's background might be similar to Angra Manyuu from fate hollow ataraxia, some poor kid chosen just to blame everything on him and hurt him. It would explain why Sukuna said he was hated as a kid, just because he looked like that

Hi anon!

I haven't played that game so I don't really know who you're talking about but did do a Google search and gotta say that the character design is quite beautiful.

As for Sukuna, well... yes. His true form is one with four arms, four sets of eyes and a stomach mouth. Anyone seeing him in the Heian period would most likely have a stroke (thinking they saw a demon). What remains of interest to me, however, is just how casually he brushes everything off.

Yes, I was born unwanted. Yes, my mother died and I ate my twin while in the womb to survive. Yes, I had no one but I don't need anyone. Yes, I look like this.

Like any human being in Sukuna's position would lament his situation. Still, we can imagine that Sukuna- by getting rid of his humanity- stopped crying over who he was and the situation he was in a long time ago and instead embraced it. Worn it like armor. Stopped caring about what other people think of him and hence stopped considering himself human but embraced himself as a monster. He technically started loving all his flaws.

He chose to embrace himself over society which had probably shunned him because of how he looked. Thus came the legends. Thus came the title.

It's totally logical to come to that conclusion based on his behavior and what we know (even though it is still little).

But yeah... some parts we can only assume about. Sukuna doesn't appear that bothered by it? but that could be because he had grown into a monster and had cut away any feelings. Still, negative emotions such as grief and anger are the foundation of cursed energy and knowing Sukuna is the King of Curses... you can put two and two together and say that even though he's quite dismissive of everything, he is very much burning with hatred and pain. Knowing that he was unwanted first by the world (starving in the womb) and then by the society (after his birth) does make his behavior quite self-explanatory. He may be dismissive of everything but he's definitely hurting.

From that pain came incredible strength, though, which is why I really love him as a character. Even though he does terrible things to others, it's quite logical why he would do so. As someone who had only felt pain from humanity, it makes sense why he would abandon humanity and instead turn to seeing himself as anything but a human. A curse. A jujutsu sorcerer. Whatever.

I always found his speech to Yuuji in 215 quite interesting. He insulted Yuuji (and humanity) by calling them "weak creatures that cling to life" even though he, himself, had also once clung to life. But then, to Sukuna, Yuuji's suffering (as well as humanity's) dwarfs in comparison to his. After all, while Yuuji (and humanity) were complaining and crying over the times they are living in (which aren't that terrible), Sukuna did something about it. He was weak? He became strong. He was unwanted? He became something akin to a God. He was shunned by humanity? Curses came and accepted him.

You could say, if Sukuna truly is the reason why this cycle is happening (and why curses even exist), that Sukuna had invented a world where he was accepted by doing something terrible such as eating his twin brother and that's... quite sad, really. The resulting pain coming from separation (and such a brutal act) could've been the reason for why he is as strong as he is and why negative emotions are tied into everything (precisely because of Sukuna's origin).

But, I'm still going to acknowledge the fact that he could've done all of that just because he wished to (which would explain why he vehemently rejects pity) but if he was born human and not born as a curse then... nope. Hell, with 268 in mind, with Yuuji cradling him and telling him that he will accept him no matter if the world doesn't, I do believe that he truly didn't choose to be a monster nor to eat his twin brother. He was, as Yuuji puts it, just cursed. Forced into that position. And because Yuuji understood him and told him what he needed to know, all those negative emotions (cursed energy) disappeared which is why he evaporated and why he is portrayed as just a little blob. (Love you blob Sukuna <3)

Because when you feel happy, you can't really create cursed energy right? You can't really fight. You're losing control of the body you're in. The best you can do is feign to be angry but your state is quite telling.

I hypothesized some time ago that love would kill Sukuna and that Yuuji would be the one to do it because a positive emotion cannot be a negative emotion. I'm ofc, referring to the famous "Love is the strongest curse of all".

Love can be twisted into a negative emotion (unrequited love) but it's usually associated with a more positive one. Yuuji genuinely connected with him. Sukuna was trying to hide behind Megumi but even that failed him. He still dug him out and told him everything he wished to hear since a long, long time ago. Makes you think, then, that perhaps this was what he had wanted all along? Someone who'd understand and release him.

Now as for if he'll return or not... I'm quite hopeful. I do have an ask sitting that needs answering (and I'll get to it soon!) but I do think that Sukuna (as someone cursed from birth) definitely deserves to be happy and deserves a second chance. If all others get it, while he (the inventor of pain) doesn't, then I seriously don't know lol

[lilsevilramblings]

Athanasia

(^click to read on AO3)

ˌæθəˈneiʒə) noun. deathlessness; immortality.

Growing pains. It was ironic really, being around for so long and seeing so much only to suffer the consequences of immortality. Some would say we’re lucky, whilst others might feel pity. If you were to look me dead in the eyes and ask me, “How is eternal immortality?” I would laugh and tell you it’s not as great as it seems.

Humans would never understand the true pain of being alive for so long and seeing so many horrors and the self-inflicted destruction of mankind through your own eyes. They would never understand dying in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a foreign field over, and over again. They would never have to endure the pain and suffering of watching all the people you care about walk away from you. Friendships that have lasted centuries are gone in a flash. None of us speak about it. It’s something too confusing, too difficult to talk about even if they have experienced it as well.

Nations are complicated. And I don't mean complicated as in how and why we exist in the first place. I mean personally. They're stubborn and bitter. They like to think they're not, they like to pretend. However, I can't say im I’m the same. I'm not delusional and I think literally.

Hence why I’m currently sitting at home, alone. It’s not a recent trait I’ve gained, in fact, my whole life I’ve isolated myself from others. Nations and people. It’s not like they care anyway no one ever has. Not even as a little babe, no one was there no one even batted an eye at me.

To cope, I’d search for sympathetic couples. They would take one look at me and wouldn’t hesitate to take me in their arms and call me their own. It filled the gaping hole in me and soothed my needs. It didn’t last long, of course, I wasn’t human after all. Once they noticed I wasn’t getting any older like the other children they began to worry. Some would throw me away, scared because they didn’t know what I was. Humans are like that, running away from things they don’t understand. Some blamed witchcraft, I won’t go into that because you can already guess what would have happened.

Naturally being devoid of socialising, I keep myself locked up in my house. It’s not a bad thing, it’s quiet, and I can speak my mind. Other nations seem to disagree, however, claiming I’m bitter and alone. I will admit, it’s half true but I’m certainly not alone. I have me, myself and I. My home stays need and tidy, no one comes around to wreck it anyway. My brothers don’t bother to visit anymore, it must have been the 80s when they last visited for Christmas.

I’m not completely void of social contact. I attend my meetings, and I’ve never missed one. I arrive on time and I never say longer than I should have. In most meetings, I end up bickering with others yet most of the time I keep quiet. I will admit I'm not as talkative as I once was. I’d blame it on the age but I just can’t be bothered anymore. Funnily enough, lying in bed and tending to my garden tired me out. My garden certainly keeps me on my toes, it’s one of my favourite pastimes to do and I could never abandon it.

I’m sitting in my Sherlock chair in front of the fire embroidering my newest piece. A mix of colours is stitched into the fabric as I poke and tie it together. My needle weaved through the fabric in and out, in and out.

Sleep clouds my vision pulling me away from the repeated pattern of the embroidery. It appeared it was time to sleep. I carefully placed the rolls of string back into the box I keep them in, and then I untied the string from the needle and placed that back too. I locked the case closed and placed it back in its designated place. I crept slowly up the old wooden stairs of my home and made it to my room. Everything lay where it was supposed to be. Sighing, I pull back the thick winter duvet and bury myself deep in the fabric. Sleep clawed at my eyelids drawing them down as I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

.

.

.

.

.

(AND WE’RE DONE??? Please lmk if I need to improve anyway it would be a great help <33)

[sentofight]

ooc. going back to that meta post about t/ype 0 and the cycles. emotions and certain images/ flashes of memories do tent to be carried on with people on every god damn cycle. these do over every time will leave a subtle change in one's personality and actions. this is probably not what arecia want because this means people might start to notice 'oh wow, i know something i shouldn't have known so how?' etc. aside from that, i believe class zero got that carry over bug especially we notice that a lot in cater. the other zeroes are probably inferred what they carry over or we can speculate. so i will speculate, basically what i think might be carried over. machina is an avid chocobo lover and this is for sure in every cycle. you wont see this changing at all. however, because of his continuous interaction with ace, and in the previous (LN+agito) cycles he had somewhat better relationship with izana, machina started to collect the feathers of the chocobo as fun at first then in the type 0 cycle he believed that it might bring him good luck. there was something about the feathers back in agito and it could be carried over into the 0 cycle thus why he would always gather a feather from any fallen chocobo if he can and store it in the box under his bed. if humans can have name tag, chocobos can have something, too, right? his only regret he didn't have any feather from chichiri, when he was told his brother passed away with his chocobo. yes, he does not recall he had named the yellow bird but he felt it in his heart that this loss is unlike any other loss.

eight, on the other hand, carried the 'respect flowers' over to his 0 cycle. in agito he accidently destroyed/stepped on deuce's flowers and he felt guilty about it. yes he helped her salvage and take care of the flowers but something deep inside touched him. he, who only fights when necessary and uses his own body as weapon to remain as pacifist as he can (as war can allow him) be, he crushed down helpless flowers as he trained. wouldn't be something akin to what their enemies are doing? they invade and destroy what comes in their way? it bothered him that in that moment, he did something that others might not think twice about it but for him it is not just 'oops i stepped on some flowers'. what got to him was deuce's reaction--her sadness. every action has a consequence, the aftermath. he does not want to be the action that leads to the suffering of others--he wants to be the force, the power to stop such aftermath. hence he would often seen in the garden training. he would enjoy watching the flowers that deuce and the other students planted around the garden (and on campus.) whenever they are on a mission, you better believe he thinks 3 steps ahead where he should land whenever he attacks his enemies because you wouldn't know where a poor flower could be there. listen, it is not like it hunts his mind, it actually keeps him 'sane' sort of during the battle. too much 'battle mode' would make him lose what makes him 'human'. eight might do and say what would make Arecia happy but he does not think they were turned into puppets or even weapons. he may call himself a weapon but that because he is really is--fighting with his fists and kicks. unlike the other zeroes, no matter how many times he tried using weapons in different cycle, the fact that it means he will inflict pain on others make him uncomfortable. if he has too, then he ought to remember it--with his fists.

As for King, he is probably the most fucked up mentally wise of the zeroes. He had always been on class 9--the class specialized in special OPs. Meaning, all the dirty work that needed to be done is done directly by class 9. We don't know a lot about his missions but for sure he killed a lot. Even before the war broke, he would handle any spies, infiltrators, and deserters etc. tailing people and keeping tabs on them, as well. what cater saw in c.oncordia that one scene is one of class 9 cadets on a mission. this is exactly what king used to--sneak around, gather info then deal with the target. it is most likely why he uses normal guns, they are efficient to take down someone and won't be hindered by magic abilities (sort of.) King carried over his sense for weather, and of course, his inability to 'imagine' seen in the last scene in the game. he said 'I can't imagine that future.' because he only sees facts & orders. King in the game his aim is affected by the game's weather but that what makes him the strangest and weirdest of them all. no one like him get affected by weather like literally look at the stats he is always the last or somewhere above last. the only high stat for him is his ice magic and he is placed 7th. In his job as a OPs operator didn't entail he had to be the best at attacks, or defense etc but a strong and unshakable mentality. this is seen in a lot of interactions in the game, whether with aria, nine's antics, trey's long rants, with machina's burst, telling off queen for her actions, analyzing the situation at times etc. He is not the type to jump the gun at anything that is why he always keeps quiet and observes in the back. king's personality is shaped and well, bounded to be almost like, almost a robot--apathetic and cold. so it is obvious he feels at times not fitting in the class if you play the game--like he is always just an extra guy to fill the space. in truth when you look at it, king is needed so the others won't stray. perhaps at some cycles he was the eyes for arecia maybe? she does not need his help that is for sure but an 'equalizer'? of some sort? what i'm trying to say he balance out the group. there are the calm zeroes and there are the rowdy bunch and in the middle the in between and he does not fit in any of these three because he can be invisible at times. he is there to make sure these groups are working together by being the invisible link (controlling nine's burst, guiding queen, helping seven care for these children, indulging in some ROCK'NROLL BABAYYYY jk.) but yeah. i honestly didn't like king that much but he grew on me on my second game play especially when you unlock some side options to see how he deals with people. yes. king.

now that finished my zeroes it is time for my own oc, mister einar vilho. since im guilty with not showing my ocs the love i should give it is time to think more about him. since we talk about the other cycles, einar has changed too, during these 6million cycles. there were cycles when he was still with his family. there were cycles when he didn't lose his arm. and of course, dead in other cycles. i want to think he was killed on the bridge battle like i intended for him to be but in the agito cycle; hence why he is so cold and more desperate to in type0 to find an ending to this war. perhaps what he carried over from all these cycles are his hatred for war. the fact he has to see children' malnourished bodies dead and rotting on the outskirts of the city gate because what? because his country cannot provide for all of its citizens let alone any hostages they take from rubrum. to see helpless kids who cant fend for themselves dying because a crazed man said we go for war is unimaginable. but perhaps what is carried that the sense he has to fix this by climbing the ladder and what a role model to take than mister qator ??? the guy has similar plan in his mind, or so he thinks. einar abhors war but only a foolish would flab his gums without doing anything. he can protest all he wants, he will be dead before he can say 'fuck the crystal wishes' Cid is unforgiving. if he caught a wind of it not only einar will be in danger, but everyone who knows him. the cull will begin with his dearest uncle then go forth to anyone who knew him. that is something he tried to avoid by being a good 'dog' in the milites army. it did him good because he managed after a while to become a captain of his own platoon and luckily he and his men share the same feeling--war is meaningless. but again, there is nothing they can do except wait and hold for the right moment to act. it is why he is actually good with children but he needs to believe in it lol. man thinks he is a popsicle destined to ice on his own for the rest of his days. buuut dab he got an amazing wife to say no to sadness ;u; merci sora for warming that milities popsicle's heart.

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

I would love to think that Wonwoo is a very patient especially when he teases you and honestly he’d be the type to even hold back when the script is flipped. It isn’t until you make a bet saying he can’t hold back while cockwarming where this image of himself falters. Winner decides what the two of you do for the rest of the night. It goes well for the most part while the two of you sit on his gamer chair, as his focus lands on the game on the screen and yours on your homework. However when you’d lean forward in some way while working on his computer desk he can’t help but roll his eyes back in pleasure. He’d be quick to take that opportunity to push you off balance onto the table, holding your legs apart as far as possible while fucking you at a merciless rate. That boy would make you see stars with the amount of orgasms he’d pull from you. Let’s just say by the next morning the bet is completely thrown out the window. 👀

-Mingyu Size Anon

You would actually be the one to suggest the bet, simply because you were desperate to be the one in charge in bed this time - not that you minded Wonwoo being the dominant one. On the contrary, you loved it. You just wanted to switch things up a bit. 

Hence why you suggested cockwarming him while you do your homework and he plays his game - and whoever breaks first, will be the submissive for this night. Wonwoo scoffs lightly at your suggestion, finding the bet almost amusing, but he ends up agreeing to it, thinking it would be fun to see you get desperate for him and beg him to fuck you with his cock.

Or so he thought.

He sits on his gaming chair, lowering his sweatpants just enough to let his cock out and you lower yourself on it, hissing at the sudden stretch. Once he’s fully sheathed inside you, you collect yourself, opening your books and laptop to start working on your assignments. “Now remember, sweetheart, no sly movements like clenching your pretty pussy, got it?”, Wonwoo pats your thigh as he turns on his computer, putting his headphones on. “And you better not thrust up inside me, Won”, “Bold of you to assume I will, baby”, he chuckles, starting his game.

The first half hour goes very smoothly for the both of you, surprisingly. You have managed to finish the first set of exercises and working on the second one. Wonwoo is seemingly fine too, passing stage after stage on his video game, occasionally pecking your shoulder.

But in reality, he was utterly suffering.

Your warm, wet walls were so tight around his hard cock, even without moving, he was struggling to keep his calm facade on. He occasionally bites his bottom lip, his pride not allowing him to let out any single sound.

"Everything okay, Won?", you ask him, your fingers clicking on the keyboard of your laptop. "Y-Yeah, all good, baby", he slightly stutters, trying to keep calm.

You look around Wonwoo's desk for your notes and you spot the paper you need to continue your assignments. To your dismay, it's behind your laptop and you really don't want to bother Wonwoo while he's playing his game, thinking you're trying to make him lose the bet.

You can't help it, though, so you slowly lean forward to get the paper you need for your assignment, but you're almost off balance and try to support yourself on Wonwoo's thighs, accidentally slamming down on his cock, your lips pursed as you try to muffle the moan that threatens to leave your mouth.

A loud moan escapes Wonwoo's lips, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. "Fuck- Wonwoo, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do this", you hastily apologize.

"Fuck this!", he growls, ripping his headset off, throwing it on the desk, lifting you off his lap. He throws the spread papers on the floor and he pushes you flat on the wooden surface, ripping your panties and shorts off, slamming his cock inside you.

A string of moans spill freely from your lips as Wonwoo sets a ruthless pace, his cock pumping in and out of your soaking cunt, his arms beside your shoulders.

"God, baby, you have no idea how much I wanted to fuck your tight cunt all this time", he groans on top of you, smirking as he snakes his right hand down to rub your clit rapidly, bringing you closer to your orgasm.

"Won, fuck, I'm c-cumming-!", you gasp and he fucks you even faster, his cock throbbing inside you, ropes of cum painting your walls white. You cum right after, his cock still pumping cum as he rides out the remnants of your high.

However, you don't get a chance to relax, as Wonwoo pulls out of you, his cum starting to trickle down your puffy hole, wincing at the loss of warmth. He takes his cum-covered cock, rubbing it over your slit, the head nudging your swollen clit. "Won, t-too m-much!", you sob from the sense of overstimulation. "No can do, sweetheart, Daddy needs to fuck you again, he's still unsatisfied", he chuckles breathlessly, as he pushes your legs up to your chest, sliding his already hard cock back in your cunt.

It's safe to say that the both of you completely forgot about your bet, but you definitely didn't lose count of the orgasms you both had ;)

[queerticulate]

oh thank god, I'm sick of having American news, please tell me about your country, I'm legit asking them all because anyway if try to choose I will end up choosing half the ask game, you don't have to answer them all, but feel free to do so :D

Oh my god... so apparently Tumblr's notification system for asks isn't great and I didn't find out about this until now. It seems to relate back to this post: https://queerticulate.tumblr.com/post/634805289897639936/hi-im-not-from-the-us-ask-set I'm doing a random number generator to pick some questions from the list to talk about.

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language? For me that is "kut" - which translates to "cunt" but is used in a very different way. The English version seems to be used to devalue a particular woman. In Dutch it's more used in the way "that sucks" or "oh shit" are used. A fun fact related to this topic is that my country stands out for being big on swearing with diseases. Pretty acceptable are "tyfus" (typhoid) and "k'lere" (cholera). In recent years however "kanker" (cancer) because most popular, while also being widely disputed as many people have seen a lost one suffer/die from that disease and thus find it hurtful.

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country? When I was a kid it was Belgium - for the general 'our neighbors are dumb' stuff. Both then and now a popular choice has also been Germany. Some of the jokes are relatively harmless, commenting on actual cultural differences. Some of them seem to (unknowingly) refer back to Nazi Germany however (the joke about how all of their language is headless shouting for example) and those bother me. Our countries are besties now (we even fucked our daylight hours bc we wanted to share a timezone with them), but there is a complicated history there. The Netherlands wanted to stay neutral throughout WWII (as they did during WWI), but got quickly invaded and taken over by Nazi Germany. During most of the war our country was simply occupied. There were factions which were all too glad to join the Nazi ideology (hence why there is almost no Jewish community in our country :'() and another faction constantly organized a secret resistance. When the war was over not only were Nazis punished, but also everyone who was deemed to have been too friendly with Germans (women who were thought to have been involved with a German were dragged into the street and publicly humiliated). In recent years - I would say around the time Trump got elected - America also became a popular target for jokes, mostly expressing the disbelief about how much of a dumpster fire it seems to be over there. 3. does your country have access to sea? Yes! The entire Western and Northern borders are made up by the sea. On the Western end this is the North Sea, and on the Northern end there is a special patch of sea between the Nothern most part of the main land and the islands. It's called the Wadden Sea. It's included in the UNESCO World Heritage list. What makes it so special is that during low tide large parts of it dry up, making it technically possible to walk from the main land to the islands. Another interesting fact is that large parts of our country - certainly the parts where most important commerce take place - are situated below sea level. Our ancestors must have been stubborn people, as they learned to protect the land from being taken by the sea. My country has become really good at that and now has an international reputation of being the guys to hire if you want to fight off the sea. We've become so good at it in fact, that we turned a third piece of sea we had access to into a lake, and then raised an entire province there. Yep, between the 1940s and 1960s it was just decided it would be nice to have some more land, so it was just goddamn made? It's the largest manmade island in the world now.

[possessionisamyth]

If I may add onto this, as I've been writing fic and fanfic for well over a decade, I can give you some ideas on why they're not going over well.

Hits don't really mean much. Whether someone read the first paragraph of your story or they got all the way to the end, this counts as a hit. Clicking on your fic counts as a hit even if they just went to look at any comments or to see who left kudos. They're the equivalent of Facebook video views where scrolling past counts as a hit so the numbers are bloated.

Kudos tell you more in that they got to the end and enjoyed the piece. Some people are a little forgetful, and some people get to the end and don't like it so they don't leave kudos. Unfortunately, you still can't exactly base this percentage number on hits, since fandom size varies and people who are super active on the video/art/gif end of fandom may not be on the fanfic side at all.

Comments have gotten rarer due to a more unfortunate internet culture shift where people think "they're bothering the author" especially if the fic is old, or using the excuse of "feeling guilt tripped to leave a comment". Like, idk, if you can't leave a comment, a kudos is still perfectly acceptable but they won't even do that sometimes. Entitlement has always been a problem on both ends, but its gotten weirder now.

Check the date of when other fics were posted. Older pieces are going to have more hits and/or kudos because they've been up longer. This is more of a time available thing than a quality thing. Keep that in mind.

Multi chapter fics are going to have more hits as well for the same reasons. The same audience members are clicking on the story multiple times to change chapters or pick up where they left off if they closed the tab.

Explicit or Mature fic will always get more hits and/or kudos. As much as people want to say ao3 has more than just porn, and it does, it's still very much the porn fic site. You don't see most people cross posting all their stuff to livejournal, wattpad, and fanfiction.net if it weren't just the porn fic site.

I've seen the most absolute dogshit written smut get kudos and it baffles me, but people will click on it because they're horny and desperate, hence the hit inflated numbers.

I've seen the most well loved and well written gen fics get nonya from the fandom. It's infuriating.

Speaking of which, ship fics will also always get more hits and attention. Most of the ao3 audience automatically filter out gen fic. Yes, most of them, regardless of their sexuality, are looking for their blorbos to kiss and fuck and get together or break up 6000x times in 8000x ways. Gen fic gets left in the dust every time and you can tell by the numbers and by the fandom. Very rarely do fandoms have them even, but these fandoms are tiny and about a show where possible love interests are scarce or are not white.

And, for the meanest but truest part of my explanation, most of the ao3 audience are still fujoshis at heart.

Deny it all they want, the numbers don't lie. If there are 2 pale men in the show, or 1 pale man than can be paired with a brown man, that ship will rule the tag. It won't matter how many well written women are prevalent in the narrative. It won't matter if those two characters they're shipping shared eye contact for 5 seconds. They're now the most popular and most specialist content the majority can produce art for, and everyone else has to suffer for it.

I've watched this happen in real time, and I've experienced it first hand pretty recently where I wrote a fic for an M/M ship. Had one of the guys cross dressing? Yeah, that's fine. Realize the character isn't in drag and is actually a trans woman from how you're writing the follow up so you change the tag from M/M to F/M? Immediate dead zone for the sequel. No more hits for the prequel despite it being fairly popular and well liked. It was... disgusting actually.

And for the Newest and most recent change is way more people deciding not to read multi chapter fics until they're finished. This is definitely an engagement killer! I've gone to unfinished fics, left a comment on each chapter, and the author picked up where they left off immediately because they're so thirsty and wondering if anyone gives a shit. I got a page long comment on a fic I left dead for over 2 years and it encouraged me to finish it in a week. But this type of "impatient" audience member is more worried about never getting an ending, so they don't bother thinking their encouragement to the author could very much get them to the ending.

There are so many things going into whether or not your fic will turn out to "flop". The most you can do is post for yourself first, share with your friends second, and make stranger reception a third or even a fifth priority.

Something that helped a teensy tiny bit in upping visibility count for a particular fanfic I wrote in a dormant fandom, is posting in the fandom tag(s) on tumblr. This is done by sharing a short snippet (my hook) and adding a link to the end if they're curious enough to read more. Whether or not they kudos or comment I can't measure, but the hits have steadied out for the multi chapter fic.

I hope this gives you a better idea on whether or not your fics are flops, or the much more likely reality that they just don't reach the very baseline thought process of the active fandom audience on ao3.

How many flops do you need to churn out before you accept that you're just shit at writing?

(I know, I know, writing should be fun and something you do for yourself but validation is also nice. There's a difference between 0 vs 100 and 100 vs 200 kudos or likes.)

[maozijun]

Mao Zijun Xing Fan Interview

Removing the “adonis of period-costume dramas” label, and returning to a Republican era drama

Before Killer and Healer (or KillHeal hence), Mao Zijun had not filmed a republican drama in a long time. For almost the past five years, the audience’s impression of him has been his costume dramas, such as Qin Wuyan from The Legend of Chusen, An Qinxu from The Glory of Tang Dynasty, Yin Yiren from The Legend of Haolan, and so on and so forth. Because most of his dramas are costume dramas, as it happens, offers that come to him are the costume dramas.

Thus, when an offer for KillHeal, a TV drama about “drug crackdown” set in Republican China, appeared before Mao Zijun, he accepted it without a second thought. “At the time, I felt that I didn’t want to keep shooting costume dramas.”

If “costume drama” is a tag the audience associates with Mao Zijun’s role and acting, we can also claim that “zen,” “placid,” and “easy-going” are impressions he leaves on most people. Other than for the purpose of promoting the broadcasts of his new dramas, he seldom appears in public. If he “wasn’t at home, [he’d] be hanging out, or watching movies.” To the public, it’s as if he’s been “spirited away.” As a regular whose name ranks on the “skilled actor without due fame” chart, regardless how many times he’s been asked about the matter, his response has always been “I really haven’t paid it much attention.” His response may seem like a pleasantry, but he means it from the bottom of his heart.

Mao Zijun knows that ever since he became an actor, his career has been successful for the most part without any major setbacks, and he’s met many great people along the way. From his first TV drama Beauty's Rival in Palace when he cooperated with Lin Xinru, he stumbled into the entertainment industry and was swept along despite his inexperience and unworldliness. Including Director Yu Zheng who was willing to give him the male lead roles for The Legend of Haolan and The Matriarch. “So I thought I’ve had good luck. I’ve met people who appreciated me and were willing to give me opportunities. I’m very grateful.”

Mao Zijun’s “zen” attitude, however, doesn’t extend to everything he does. When there’s a role he really wants, his “wolf-like ambition” is brought out. When it comes choosing projects, he doesn’t compromise either. “I think everyone has the desire to strive for things they don't have; regardless of where you are in life, you wish to become better, you wish that you can climb higher. It’s a never-ending climb.”

Regardless of whether he’s gained fame and popularity, or remains a fine wine waiting to be discovered, “becoming better” is a creed he lives by and acts upon.

- 01 - Shooting KillHeal was an effortless process

What made Mao Zijun “return” to KillHeal after a long separation from republican dramas was its story and Jiang Yuelou’s personality. Jiang Yuelou is a morally grey character: a police officer and Chief of the Inspection Department. He's made law enforcement and drug crackdown his lifelong war, and it’s an undertaking he’s willing to sacrifice his life for. Although a patient with manic depression (known as bipolar disorder in modern clinical terms)--which results in his irritable, violent, and stubborn personality and tendency to be a lone wolf--he’s upright at his core, and there’s a gentle side to him deep down.

When Mao Zijun saw the script, he knew that this character had a lot of potential and creative room to work with. Precisely because of the great amount of creative room, on top of Jiang Yuelou’s vivid and distinct personality, filming for KillHeal was a relatively easy-going process for Mao Zijun despite the character’s lifelong angst and suffering. The character was rich and human per se, “so there was no need to brood over some things,” and it could be rather realistically portrayed. By the same token, the more one could ease himself into character, the better the final results.

Many actors determine the difficulty of portraying a character by criterion of the character’s degree of complexity, or their own compatibility with the character. In this respect, Mao Zijun is somewhat different: his criterion is whether the character can spontaneously come to life in the mind’s eye. “When you’ve read the entire script and discover that the character is very vivid and lifelike--his motives, intentions, behaviour and course of actions, all of which constitutes his rich psychological wiring--you will be able to portray him with relative ease, and not based on whether he’s similar to you. “Compatibility is only one aspect.”

Even if you were to act a character completely different from yourself, “you can imagine yourself in his shoes--what he would say or do” because he’s such a vivid character. “You can effectively get into character.”

In crafting Jiang Yuelou, Mao Zijun largely relies on following the script, his character changing with the progression of the plot; as a result, Jiang Yuelou’s uncontrollable violence, uncompromising ways, and other destructive habits doesn’t extend beyond the character and affect the actor himself. Unlike other actors whose characters took a mental and physical toll on them, Mao Zijun isn’t a purely immersive actor.

“Filming for a movie may require more personal feelings and emotions, but for a TV series, I think it’s half-and-half. Except for particular emotional scenes, that is.” In KillHeal, for example, the emotion expressed through Jiang Yuelou’s eyes when he’s solving cases, or reaction to receiving news, are all achieved through acting techniques. But for scenes where he’s facing the death of his subordinates, his mother, his adoptive father, his brother, and other loved ones, his reactions and expressions of pain must be nuanced and highly faceted. Even for crying scenes, he must cry in widely differing ways. For these scenes, Mao Zijun must lend his own emotional faculties to the character.

However, he does not believe tears are the only way to express his character’s emotions. When his younger and less inexperienced co-star, Ian Yi, consults him about his worries of being unable to shed tears, Mao Zijun tells him, “Why must you shed tears? Tears do not mean everything. The more dramatic and emotionally heavy a scene is, the more you must relax yourself.”

Filming to Mao Zijun is in fact a creative process where he imagines the character, then completes him. Hence, for every character he has acted, Mao Zijun would forget about the character. In his next drama, he would similarly imagine the character, understand his character, and the cycle continues.

So far, he believes there has yet to be a character that requires a lot from him mentally and psychologically, or even one that took him a long time getting out of. But, he hopes he will encounter such a character; a character that can let him experience more, feel more, and empathize with more.

KillHeal was a project Mao Zijun worked on two years ago. Two years ago, he did everything he could to bring Jiang Yuelou into fruition. Looking back now, there are details that could be further refined or supplemented, but the current KillHeal is still to his satisfaction, from his performance and methods of expression, to the overall product that is his character. “As to whether it has met my expectations… Because the broadcast of KillHeal had been held off for so long, I was worried about if the drama would go out of date when it finally came out. But there haven't been such problems so there’s nothing else I’m unsatisfied with.”

- 02 - I’ve become increasingly sentimental

While Mao Zijun may not be a purely immersive actor, he is not a wholly rationalistic one either. It’s in his analysis of his characters and response after completing a character that is rational. This rationality is present in his logic, or his healing process after getting out of character, but not acting itself.

Rationality is perhaps a result of Mao Zijun’s own experiences and personality. He had no formal training in acting. He had good grades in high school, perhaps due to parental pressure and his own belief that good grades made life somewhat easier. After graduating from high school, Mao Zijun successfully got into Zhejiang University of Finance and Economics and majored in Auditing.

“Why had I chosen auditing? At that time, I thought auditing had good prospects. It wasn’t a complicated job either--I took math and the sciences in high school, so auditing isn’t hard.” After getting into university, his parents weren’t as strict as they were in high school, so he had the opportunity to “set himself free” and explore new options. Just like that, he started taking jobs for advertisements, and then acting.

“Beauty's Rival in Palace was especially looking for people to fill in roles at the time. Liu Che was an important character despite not having a lot of scenes, and they thought my appearance fit the role.” Mao Zijun laughed lightly, “Also because of my looks that I started acting.”

The profession of acting provided him with many new experiences, because every character was new and unlike the mechanical motions he had to go through everyday. “This is also the reason why I will persist on this path.”

As someone who changed career paths from the sciences to acting, Mao Zijun has never second-guessed his decisions. He thought of himself as lucky, and his path a smooth one. Many of his friends around him have changed their career paths because of setbacks or other reasons, but he hasn’t. His parents have given him understanding and support. “My parents would express their worries, but they would not try and make a decision for me. Every big decision I've made is my own choice.”

Mao Zijun is a Capricorn: steadiness and rationality are a big part of it. But because he’s been an actor for so long, he’s in fact becoming more and more sentimental. When he first started out in the industry, he would care about others’ views and opinions about him. But with time, they gradually ceased to bother him. This is one of the very few things that have changed about him since his debut.

As an actor with no formal training, but has still received praise and acknowledgement for his acting skills, he does not attribute it to natural talent. Instead, he attributes it to his own capacity for self-excavation. “I think as an actor, you are mining yourself (your talents and skills). For example, if you meet other good actors, good characters, you will be driven to tap into your natural talents. For many actors, rather saying they don’t have talent, they simply haven’t been given the chance to discover their potential.”

In Mao Zijun’s opinion, every actor has talent, it is only a matter of chance and whether they can encounter a great character.

- 03 - Try and lose the “let it be” attitude

Mao Zijun has been in the industry for more than ten years. Ten years’ time is enough to change the state of the entertainment industry and the actors in it. As a post-85 liner interacting with post-90s and -95s actors, he’s picked up a hobby of collecting tarot cards, and has been playing video games like Super Mario and Contra that came with the gaming console gifted to him by his fans.

Newcomers in the industry would abide to the instructions of senior artists and the director. If they met difficulties or discomfort in the process of the shoot, they could only learn to deal with it themselves. But the market has changed, with new genres, subject matters, and the actors, too, are young. These young actors can willfully express themselves and vent, unlike the older generation of actors who learned to put up with things.

These changes cannot be predicted. Just like how it happened in a few years’ time, when an actor may no longer have a large audience base like before--an audience who sits in front of the TV just to catch the airtime of a TV series. Mao Zijun, too, is no longer the unworldly and inexperienced newcomer he was.

If he had to draw a demarcation, he says it’s the year 2016. “Before 2016, although I was an actor by profession and had thought I took my job seriously, looking back now, I’d just been in a status quo of “passing time.” Life had been smooth for Mao Zijun: high school, university, getting a job. He hasn’t met any real obstacles. The efforts and hard work he thought he had been putting into his work were tantamount to what he could easily accomplish in his best and most favourable circumstances.

He strongly agrees with the view that actors need to experience pain and setbacks. But he thinks that’s only a part of it. An actor can experience some things, but he is not able to experience everything. To him, some experiences can be gained through reading novels. “The stories, including the thoughts and behaviours of characters, are enriching and detailed. If you’re not able to personally experience some things, you can experience them via other methods.”

Mao Zijun is a very carefree person. He takes on drama offers when he feels like it, and rejects it when he doesn’t. He’s content with hiding himself away from the public eye to take time off for himself. But now, even he doubts whether the “let himself be” attitude is appropriate. “I noticed that there was a gap, like the period of time after The Legend of Haolan finished airing to the airing of KillHeal now. During these two years, you had no other dramas on-air. Your fans want to see your new projects and content, but you couldn’t give them anything, yet they would still give you a lot of support. It would make you question, shouldn’t I be filming more projects for them?”

After questioning himself, Mao Zijun started taking on more projects. Even during the pandemic, he filmed a movie (no news yet), acted as a cameo in The Journey of Flower as the character Sha Qianmo, and filmed for The Matriarch. “Since my fans want to see me so badly, I’ll just have to act in more projects, I thought.”

In The Matriarch, he plays the role of Wei Liang’gong, a very kind, “moonlight” (unattainable) character--a character with all the wonderful traits and virtues of a person--much like the male version of Empress Fuca Rongyin from Story of Yanxi Palace (2018). “This costume drama depicts a very realistic portrayal of life during the period. Acting in this drama was more of a process of experiencing and feeling, using an everyday-life way of performing was quite nice.”

Mao Zijun doesn’t really care whether he’s famous or popular. Even to this day, other actors from the casts he’s worked with would offer him new projects. Speaking from this point, he thinks he’s lucky enough as it is. To him, a TV drama actor, a bit of fame and a lot of fame doesn’t hold much of a difference. In the long term, “fame” is only a matter of degree. “Unless you win an award--a prestigious film award, whether it be movies or TV films--how much fame is but a matter of quality.” What he must do now, and spare no effort, is to give himself more opportunities.

In retrospect, Mao Zijun has gotten the roles he wanted, and there’s really no regrets. What he desires perhaps lies in the future. Fortunately, there’s just enough time.

Writer: 77

WeChat ID: LJLX2013

Original Post

[twst-rose-prisms]

Alisa Whiterose

----------------💮-----------------

~Technical Information~

Japanese: アリサ • ホワイトローズ

Romanji: Arisa Howaitorozu

Nicknames: Angelfish-chan ( Floyd ), Lisa-chan ( Cater ), Reine des Mensonges ( Rook ), Lady Alisa ( by some of her fan ), Mrs.Famous ( Ace )

Voiced by: Kana Hanazawa ( voice sample )

~Biographical Information~

Species: (Merfolk) Angelfish ( can stay in the human form like Azul, Jade and Floyd )

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Birthday: July 10th

Starsign: Cancer

Height: 1m63

Eye color: Ruby pink

Hair color: Silver-ish gray that slowly faded to pink

Body type: Semi-tall, slim, flexible

3 sizes (bc why not?): B77 - W56 - H78

Blood type: AB

Homeland: Rose Kingdom

Family: Alice Whiterose (non-blood related sister)

~Professional Status~

Dorm: Octavinelle

School year: First

Class: 1-B, student no.5

Occupation: Student, Mostro Lounge's Employee

Club: Boarding club

Best subject: Alchemy

~Fun Facts~

Dominant hand: Right

Favorite food: Strawberry flavoured sweets, Milk tea

Dislikes food: Alcohol, Green smoothie, Bitter chocolate

Dislikes: Her sister, Guessing people's age, Saving money

Hobby: Card games, Taking pictures, Yoga, Shopping

Bad with: Being honest (no she's not a tsundere), Wearing dark colored clothes

Talents: Photographic memory, Fashion coordinating

----------------💮-----------------

“Hey now, there's no need to rush on the payment! But~ Don't even try and think about running away~”

Alisa Whiterose is a first-year student at Night Raven College and a member of Octavinelle Dorm. One of Azul's assistant ( alongside Jade and Floyd ), she doesn't hestitate to put on an act just to saw people suffered.

----------------💮-----------------

APPEARANCE: Alisa is a young girl with mid-back length silver-ish gray hair that slowly faded to pink and round ruby pink eyes. She usually put her hair into side ponytail with a white ribbon and only tied up her hair when in sport uniform or put into waterfall braid in Dorm uniform. Very flexible and fast, she often appeared and disappeared quickly and rarely ever stand still for a long time in one place. Her body can be described as an "ideal one" for many girls, hence why lots of people got jealous of her.

In her mermaid form, like Jade and Floyd, her entire body is a slightly deep pink color but it slowly faded into white around her chest area. She have sharper nails, her ears got replaced with gills and have appendages on her arms (like Jade and Floyd). Unlike the twins, she have shorter and smaller tail, fluorescent and shorter gills & appendages (don't worry, I'll draw her mermaid form... soon... maybe...)

In her Dorm uniform, she wears a black fedora with a grey bow around it and a purple sea shell on the bow. Her outfit consists of a purple dress shirt with a white necktie, a black double-breasted suit, a cool toned grey scarf with the Octavinelle logo on it and white gloves. She also wears black-and-white boots with heels and is seen wearing black tube skirts accompanied by a pair of purple thigh highs.

PERSONALITY: A girl with good communication skills, a fashionista and a gourmet, she got admired and jealous by many people due to her appearance and cheerful attitude. She can talk with almost anyone easily and won't afraid to raise her opinion at others. Although she's bad at guessing people's ages, she can still call them with respect (if they're older than her). Alisa also have a very good fashion senses and eyes when taking pictures, some of her styles even become the latest trends on MagiCam for more than a month. She also love her followers and often replied back to their comments when she have spare time, which of course, gained their affection even more.

“Huh? My fault? Fu...! Hahaha! How funny! The one decided to sign that contract is you, not me right? So, it's your fault for listening to my words in the first place!” - Alisa's initial SSR personal story ( part 1 )

However, her cheerful personality is just a facade to hide her true nature. Alisa is actually a sadistic, cruel and calculating girl who doesn't afraid to bend the truth just to get what she wants. She knows where and when to pull the right strings while acting innocently. Can manipulate anyone easily with her unique magic, though she mostly relied on her charms and only use her magic when necessary. Often have dark thoughts about others but never said it outside, to her, anyone that interested in the contract is a new "toy". Alisa also loves to lure students into signing a contract with Azul and "accidentally" mess them up so they can't do(?) the payment. While she's his assistant (along with Jade and Floyd), her ways of "working" is distinctly different from the twins. No one can really tell what her next move is, even Azul himself sometimes got surprised too.

“I wonder... why does Mom love her so much that she forgot my existence...? Huh...? O-Oh, it's nothing!” - Alisa's classroom chat no.3

Alisa also shown to despite her sister - Alice but of course, she never show it outside and always act cheerfully around her, even call her with nickname "Ari-chan" and act friendly with her. The reason why she hates her is because she think it's her fault that her mother doesn't love her anymore. Because she has stayed with her mother ever since she's still a little human child, her mother is the person who she cherished the most (until now) for taking care of her and show her the human world. That's also the reason why she strike to be the best in beauty in order to let her mother notice her again. Because of this, she decided to learn and did research on how to dress up and do make-up all by herself without anyone's guide. Alisa did mentioned once that it took her 10 years to have a very good taste in fashion like now, but she said “My mother did notice how much I changed, but, I don't understand why she still give that girl more attention!?”

This is the reason why she got sorted into Pomefiore at first and not Octavinelle. Alisa did felt very glad that she got into the most beautiful and elegant Dorm in Night Raven College, which encourage her to become even better at "being beautiful". Vil did comment that she was one of the first years that reach his standard in beauty, though of course, she still have to improve more. Although Alisa did enjoyed her time at Pomefiore, she said that she wanted to "make another step" and decided to sign a contract with Azul. That's the reason why she is now in Octavinelle. Although she can still talk with Vil normally without any problems afterwards, deep inside, she did felt guilty for leaving like that, but there's no point in crying over split milk, so she have no other choice but to keep stepping forward from now on.

“Sometimes, I like to take pictures of simple things, to me, they somewhat calmed my heart down... Haha! Weird, right?” - Alisa's school uniform R card's personal story

Aside from her cruel side, Alisa have a soft spot for taking pictures and doing yoga. Her heart is always at ease whenever she look at all the pictures she took. While she often post selfies and fashion pictures on MagiCam, her gallery actually have lots of pictures related to scenery, food or even people. (She have at least 10 pics of Azul in her phone) She also never use photoshop or editing app, because she said that “it'll ruin the beauty of the pic!”. If you want to improve your skills at taking pictures, you could always ask the gray haired girl for advice, she'll wholeheartedly guide you. Alisa is also a morning person because she often woke up early to do yoga (and dressing up too of course), hence why her body is very flexible. You could see this clearly at PE classes, even other students are also impressed with how fast she run. While she loves playing all sorts of card games, she will only accept other's challenge when they have something to bet for, to her, betting will make the game become way more interesting and thrilling, especially if anyone dared to bet their life or things that precious to them.

UNIQUE MAGIC: "Sugar-coated Words" ( 嘘の行進 "Parade of Lies" ) Can bend the truth permanently with any lies she wants ( even joke or nonsensical words, if she want to ). However, she can't lie to the same people with the same lie twice, and if they remembered the truth then the lie that she told them will become useless.

----------------💮-----------------

BACKSTORY ( just a part of it ):

She couldn't remember much what happened before she got "adopted" by Mrs.Whiterose.

The only thing she remembered was the warm, peaceful blue sea. She felt so free at that time, as if she could go anywhere she wants. She also remembered how beautiful the coral reefs look, how the dim sunlight shone gently through the water surface and how warm it was on her skin. It was a very blissful scenery, too blissful that she couldn't forget it no matter what. But, it also made her remembered the painful times too.

It's strange. Whenever she remembered that scenery, her chest unconsciously got tighten. Maybe it's because of how painful it was. But, other than that, she felt like she forgot something, no, more like someone important to her. Someone that become her friend when she was still a little fish. Someone that stand up and protect her from other mermaid's bully because she can't grow into a mermaid herself (which is a very rare case in the Sea of Coral). Someone that stand out from the other, just like her.

At first, she thought that it was a curse. A curse that can never be get rid of. She cried and cried, but because she's under the sea, no one will notice how much tear she shed because she's just a mere fish. No one will bother watching a normal fish "crying" or even "talking". In the sea, the merman have the most authority to literally do anything after all. As long as she's still a fish, no one will stand up to her when she got bullied. Because fishes are very pathetic and weak, a single slap could make them died so easily. That's why she always hate the merman, because of them she have to suffer for oh so many times. She couldn't do nothing about it except swimming away in fear, with bruised fin and scales on her small, fragile body.

Until that person appeared.

That person, unlike other merfolks, doesn't laugh at or bully her. She still remember their first encounter. It was quite interesting, to say at least. When she was hiding away in fear because of those merman again, she encountered a small cave so she quickly hide there in convenience. What she didn't expected is that another person also there. Even though she doesn't remember their appearance anymore, she still remembered clearly of how kind their words were when they saw her bruised fin. They were the first person to care for her and talk to her with such a soft, worrying and somewhat curious voice. Although they can't see it, but at that moment, she cried, her tiny droplet of tears immediately became one with the deep blue sea.

Who it is? Who is that person that always made her chest tighten whenever she remember it? Why can't she remember them now? Why? She don't want to forgot them. Especially when they're the reason why she can turn into a mermaid like now. She curse herself for not remembering one of the most important person that changed her life, but there's nothing she can do but keep rewinding the same scenery on her mind like a broken tape and hope that by any chance, she can remember their face and, if her own mind let her, then maybe their name too.

RELATIONSHIP ( in Alisa's opinion )

Heartslabyul

🌹 Riddle Rosehearts: "At first, I thought he was a first year because of how small he look! Aside from that, I think he should learn how to control that temper of him, it's really annoying sometimes~ Also, his face when he's angry is just... *laugh*"

❤️ Ace Trapola: "An annoying, stupid, hot-headed and dumb guy. Opps, did I just say "stupid" twice? Well, because he IS stupid. I felt bad that Ma-chan have to deal with the dumb one in the school~ *giggles*"

♠️ Deuce Spade: "At least Deuce-kun is less stupid than Ace-kun~ Also, he have to learn how to chill out because sometimes, his serious attitude annoyed me. Aside from that, he's quite reliable if you asked him to help you, though with that personality of him then he might get tricked someday~"

♦ Cater Diamond: "Cay-senpai is really stylish and cool~! Not to mention, he's popular on MagiCam as well so I admire him quite a lot! Whenever I took a picture together, my fan would spam the comment section with compliments which really warm my heart! *giggles* And oh! He also know lots of nice cafe to take a picture, so I often thanked him for that~!"

♣ Trey Clover: "Unlike other upperclassmen, he's a super nice and kind guy! His sweets is top notch so I often buy some from his family's bakery, and let me tell you, you have to eat it at least once in your life or else you're missing one of the most delicious thing in the world! Ari-chan sure are lucky to be sorted in Heartslabyul~"

❄️ Alice Whiterose: "...Do I really have to talk about her? I do? Ugh, fine... Well, Ari-chan is my sister and I guess my mother love her a lot? Well, as long as she doesn't brag about it then It won't bother me... Huh? I look very angry right now? Oh, no, I'm not that angry! Well, maybe just a little~ *giggles*"

Savanaclaw

🦁 Leona Kingscholar: "I'm kind of wondering why he can still be a Dorm leader when all I see is him sleeping and being lazy? Even Floyd-senpai's laziness couldn't match him! I guess I could somewhat understand Ruggie-senpai's feeling now... *chuckles*"

🐆 Ruggie Bucchi: "His ears look really cute~! Opps, did I just squeal a little there? Hehe, sorry, but it's the truth so I couldn't help it~ Aside from that, I'm impressed by how sneaky he is! Maybe we can be partners in crime someday...~ *giggles*"

🐺 Jack Howl: "For a guy that have the same age as me, he doesn't look like one at all! I actually thought he was an upperclassman at first! *giggles* His tail is like a pillow, it's super fluffy that I want to hug it all the time~ But of course, he always tried to shoo me away if I tried to touch his tail... *sigh*"

Octavinelle

🐙 Azul Ashengrotto: "Azul-senpai is soooo cool! I really like the way he make those guys suffer while still keeping a smile on his face! *giggles* He's also very smart and gentlemanly too, though his merman form as a child is a little... *laugh* S-Sorry, keep this away from him, okay~? I don't want him to get mad at me~"

🦈 Floyd Leech: "He almost scares me to dead when I first met him! Aside from that, his threats is quite effective against those guys~ His merman form also look quite nice too, I love the skin color, it kinda reminds me of the earrings that I bought! But... If only he stop being so annoyingly lazy when it comes to working...

🐬 Jade Leech: "Unlike Floyd-senpai, Jade-senpai is such a gentleman! He's also a hard-working person too, as expected of our Vice-leader! Of course, I know his true nature and it makes him become even more interesting~ *giggles*"

Scarabia

🕌 Kalim Al-asim: "Kalim-senpai sure are very energetic huh? *giggles* He might look naive and easily get tricked, but I'm actually impressed that he can quickly detected poison from food! One time, one of my haters, who disguise as my fan, tried to poisoning me with their gift but luckily, Kalim-senpai save me from it! Hehe! I felt really grateful about that!"

🐍 Jamil Viper: "Is he a babysitter or something? Because I often saw him go with Kalim-senpai for like 24/7 or something... I did tried his cooking once and let me tell you, it was so good that I can't forget its taste until now! I clearly understand why Kalim-senpai keep bragging about his cooking skills~!"

Pomefiore

👑 Vil Schoenheit: "Vil-senpai is soooo pretty! No, more like stunningly beautiful! He's also have amazing make-up tips too so I really admire him! Although... I did felt kinda bad for leaving Pomefiore like that... I hope that he doesn't hold a grudge against me or something... W-Well, since it's a bad thing you know? Haha! Sorry if I sounds a little negative there!"

🏹 Rook Hunt: "A weird and somewhat creepy guy, to be honest... I mean, it's normal to like beautiful things, but do he have to call me with some weird nickname for like, every single times!?"

🍎Epel Felmier: "He look quite cute for someone who doesn't know how to do make-up! Epel-kun sure are lucky to have such a natural beauty huh~? If only I could be pretty like him too... Aside from that! His apple cutting skills is really amazing, my fan also comment that the person who carve those apple must be an amazing artist, and I agree with them!"

Ignihyde

💀 Idia Shroud: "For a upperclassman, he's way too gloomy! I haven't talk to him much but I felt like he dislikes people like me because of how popular I am... His little brother is also the complete opposite with him, which is a little weird I guess...?"

🤖 Ortho Shroud: "He's really cheerful and friendly! Unlike Idia-senpai, he doesn't afraid to talk to everyone like me, which is actually a good thing if you think about it! Also, he looks super cool! I've never saw an cyborg before so I actually got stunned st first when I saw him!"

Diasomnia

🐉 Malleus Draconia: "He's definitely not human for sure... Well, I haven't talk to him yet so I don't know much about him, but he look like he got misunderstood for something... And never got invited to the school's Ceremony sounds really sad, to be honest~"

🦇 Lilia Vanrouge: "I actually thought he was a first year when I first saw him! Also, I have to say, Diasomnia sure are an... interesting Dorm~ *giggles* Lili-senpai are really knowledgeable, and talking to him is surprisingly pleasant~ He kinda reminds me of an old man... Haha! Sorry, keep this away from him, okay? I don't want him to scold me or something~!"

⚔️ Silver: "A very mysterious and interesting guy~ I heard some rumors that he got adopted by Lili-senpai and Mal-senpai so it makes him even more interesting~ He definitely have some rich information for Azul-senpai though... *giggles*"

⚡Sebek Zigvolt: "God, do he have to like, shout everytime in literally everywhere!? At least he doesn't shout at me yet or else I'll kick him on the face or something... And he also seems to respect Mal-senpai a lot I guess, but he don't have to brag about "how great he is" for like, every single time you know?"

Others

🌻Mary Merveilles: "Ma-chan sure are quite positive, even in troubling situation! She also look quite naive and easily get tricked, I just hope that no one tried to take advantage of her~ Also, I must say, she's quite lucky to have those guys as her friends, at least she's not alone in the school... Unlike me... Huh? O-Oh, it's nothing!"

🐱 Grim: "This cat is like Ace-kun but in animal form or something! I don't understand why Ma-chan can deal with this annoying cat for like, 24/7 or something... If I were her I would literally go crazy because he keep causing unnecessary troubles around the school!"

🌙 Luana Crowley: "What a mature and beautiful woman! I really admire the adult like aura that she gives off and I want to give off the same vibe too~ Although I'm kinda surprised that she's Headmaster's wife... I didn't think that he actually can get a wife... Haha! It's harsh but it's the truth! Though, don't tell him about this, okay~? *giggles*"

Dire Crowley: "Aside from his fancy clothes, his personality is the complete opposite of my imagination! Maybe it'll be better if Mrs.Vice-headmaster should be the Headmaster instead~ Haha! I'm kidding~! But I'm really curious about his masks, I wonder how does he look like without it...?"

Mozus Trein: "Lucius is annoying sometimes, to be honest. Because of his constant meowing, I can't focus on History, which is one of my worst subject! ...Aside from that, at least Trein-sensei's words is not too complicate to understand, or else I'll choke– I-I mean, scares that cat off!"

Divus Crewel: "Crewel-sensei looks like a Dalmatian, not gonna lie *giggles* The stick that he keep carrying around is kinda weird, to be honest... If my fish form got poke by that I'd definitely died huh? Haha, sorry for sounding a little negative there, I'm just kidding~!"

Sam: "His shop sure are amazing! He's pretty cool if you talk to him, he might teach you some tricks when go shopping~ I also often come there to buy some interesting stuff~!"

TRIVIA:

+ She's based of a pink florescent Pterophyllum scalare ( commonly known as a Angelfish ). Hence why she have florescent tail and gills in her mermaid form.

+ While her profile stated that her homeland is Rose Kingdom, her backstory actually revealed that it's not her true origin. ( The same case as Alice )

+ While she dislikes saving money, she's actually very good at it.

+ She always tied her hair with a white ribbon, some of her fan also noticed that she decorate her hair with that ribbon in every single outfit in her selfies.

+ In Alisa's initial SSR's personal story (part 3), she did said that the ribbon was "something she hates but can't let go of it from her side"

+ She hates it if someone photobombed her pictures. And guess why she hates it? Poor Alice got tons of attention on MagiCam because she accidentally photobombed one of Alisa's selfies (Luckily she didn't lash out at her sister)

+ She love strawberry flavoured sweets to the point of eating them at least one time per day (of course, she eat various type of sweets)

+ She have lots of pastel color or girly color clothes in her room

+ Speaking of pastel color, her room also have a lot of cute and pastel colored decorations

Will add more in the future~

----------------💮-----------------

Anddd that's it for Alisa's grand debut! If you wondered why my artstyle looks a little different with the fem!Riddle one is because fem!Riddle was finished after I finished Alisa's design :> Again, for anyone who read until the very end, thank you very, very much 💞💞💞

Mary will be the next one to make her debut so stay tuned! 😊 Anyway, peace~~

[amwilburn]

Pho Hua

Alexandria re-review

Recent visits 5/25/2019, 5/7/2019, 1/18/ 2019 1/22/2019. Last visit for a *while*.

Recent revisits: the take out was not good. As they've removed the bang for the buck combo I recommended, this place needs to be re reviewed.

Last time I ordered chicken nuggets to go, they weren't good 2.75 stars... Just edible. Today, they were on par with the local Taiwanese style available everywhere in Richmond; 4.25 stars. They tasted even better without the Thai sauce. Flavourful, not too oily, juicy. Still 2.75 stars 1 visit, 4.25 another for the same item shows a lack of consistency to an extreme degree.

Last time we did take out, and my peanut satay pho still had tasty broth, but everything was... Oily. The lid, the bowl... It was buried in my flavoured soup, but my friends' the regular pho had an aroma that's hard to describe except it tasted like there was a film; similar to that awful ammonia taste used to soften won ton. 2 to 4.5 stars.

Today's dine in... And yup, I can still smell it over my sate soup broth. Hell, I could taste it. So it's not *just* the take out that's suffered. Completely defeated the purpose of the flavoured pho broth. Even my last take out had really intense sate flavour; this dine in pho is now down to 2 stars: it tastes watery and flavourless (which is what happened to my friend's pho on the last take out... The aroma overwhelmed any flavour). I didn't even bother finishing my pho this time, it was so bland; especially unfortunate since i replaced the flank with beef balls, at no extra charge. Now I'm not certain that's what the aroma was; it's just similar to the softening agent most HK noodle places employ, which is supposed to be cooked off before serving. The last 2 visits to No 9 Restauarant the won ton noodle was inedible because of this; hence why we haven't been back; and same reason here.

At least the Jazen Tea smoothies are still consistently good; however last visit another friend made the mistake of leaving the default fruit bits (remember I ordered the strawberry slush sans mango cubes)... Turns out thet significantly detract from the drink. Avoid.

Lemon grass pork was (friend's take out last time) was decently flavoured, but overcooked.

Recommened: fried spring roll (4.5 stars), strawberry smoothie (5 stars). I can't believe I have to take sate pho (2-4.5 stars) off my recommended list, but it was nowhere as good as the 1st 3 visits; I'll recommend it with the caveat that your order will have a 25% chance of being bland. I'd recommend the $16.55 pho combo with Jazen Tea deluxe drink and spring roll as a great bang for the buck, but now they've removed it. To be fair, the nuggets I ordered are $2 more than the spring roll, so had I ordered the same items as the combo, it would've only been $3 more. It's the inconsistency that gives me pause.

Avoid: avoid nuggets (2.75-4.25 stars) for take out (the colder they are, the worse they are... Surprisingly good dine in). Pray your noodles don't smell like softener. Also the last time we did 4 take-out orders it tooke 45 minutes. Seriously.

New overall: 6.8/10, 2.5 stars. With the vastly superior (and consistent) Pho37 and Banh Mi Très Bonne nearby, and the even more budget conscious Thai Son also, the *only* reason I have left to come here are the smoothies. The inconsistency is maddening.

Here's a link to my original (positive) review in January. That didn't take long to screw up:

[silverbulletsama]

Hello there I have a question for you abd hope I am not a bother. I have seen some of your great replies and tho you are the right person to ask (blunt, honest and objective) despite disliking the couple. Do you from your pov see a chance for Akai/Subaru x Jodie? Or is it impossible and he won't ever feel this way for her once again. I honestly don't know whar to think @ Gosho

Hello there. Thank you for sending this to me and trusting my opinion ;w;

A short answer to your question: with the current circumstances? Never.

A longer answer to your question: the only way for them to have a future together is for them to sit and talk, throw everything they have on the table, and change themselves.

[Sorry this ended up being long - more under the cut]

Akai Shuichi’s Front

I have mentioned this before but the gist of it is that Akai is the major issue. He is not fit to fall in love as a person for the following reasons:

1- His wound is still fresh. Whether we like it or not, the timeline in dc universe is extremely narrow (despite the 20+ years serialization). This means that Akai’s true lover, Akemi, has only just recently died. It’s just too soon...

2- Akai is a loner. I don’t see him looking for a rebound relationship to lessen his pain because he is not that type of a person. He is a loner and would naturally keep the pain for himself (and this is what James Black has stated Akai did after Akemi’s death). 

3- Akai is seeking revenge for Akemi. All of Akai’s actions so far are revenge-centered, of course, within what his FBI code of conduct allows him. 

This scene is explained here [x]. The problem with living your life to take revenge on someone is that you will end up thinking about the issue more. Naturally, he would never forget Akemi, however, he is, literally, living his entire current life (as Subaru) for the purpose of getting revenge for her. This will accentuate his issues and make him think about her, literally, daily. 

4- Akai purposely distances himself from people to protect them. Akai distanced himself from his family, Jodie, and most of his other colleagues. Even when he was romantically involved with Jodie, although it was not stated in the manga, he probably did not hang out with her much for the fear of his enemies knowing she is someone important to him. His mission is a dangerous one, so is his job. From his point of view, it is better not to be involved with others... and he probably never dated anyone else except Jodie and Akemi. That was the past. Currently, Akai is seeking revenge. As long as he is  doing so, he will purposely keep himself away from people to protect them. At this point in time, things are even more dangerous, hence he will take extra precautions.

5- Akai hates himself.Now that Akemi has died, he realized how wrong it was to take people for granted and involve them with him. He probably realized that ever since he had to leave her and before her dying. He has stated his belief that whenever something bad happens, the blame is 50-50 on both parties. However, judging by his actions, in that particular case, it is clear that Akai is not respecting this rule that much, and the ratio is skewed towards him. He blames himself first for what happened to her. This leads him to throw his life at the mercy of Kir. I know everything was coordinated but there was a huge chance Kir would actually kill him. Him not caring for that possibility, him remembering Akemi’s words before getting to Raiha Pass ... is but an indication that, at this point in his lifetime, he does not believe that he is worth anything. 

This notion might not be clear much, but t being implied is subtle as the stoic-Akai would never show that side of him to his surroundings. Why is this a problem? Those who lack something ... cannot give it unto others.If he cannot love himself, it will be problematic if he attempts a relationship with Jodie. Hence the part in my answer about him needing to change himself (but also Jodie - see later). 

Jodie Starling’s Front

It is clear that Jodie still has feelings for Akai (I mean who wouldn’t tbh). She states that she has accepted his relationship with Akemi but that does not contradict her coming to term with their break-up. As such, Jodie, in the future may be seeking one of the following:

Trying to get back with Akai.

Moving on for good.

I can see her doing either tbh. Her current journey on this case: being in Japan, meeting with Conan & co., meeting the person who killed her family, going through grief over Akai etc... had drastic impact on her and I can see her growing as a character (except sensei is not focussing on that potential for the time being :c ). Because this is very general, I can see her pursuing either. She may have come to understand Akai’s actions and thoughts better (as he never really shares them with anyone and never did with her. She may envision a better future with someone else. 

From Jodie’s actions and how she was portrayed in the manga, she might be more interested in trying to mend Akai’s wounds (if she finally managed to understand what Akai went through/is going through). She might have realized how much she loves him after going through the grief process. Naturally, she would know that these matters will take a long, long time to settle and that the current time is not suitable for that. 

The things Jodie needs to do to have a chance with Akai in the future is mainly just to be patient. I think she already knows that. Nonetheless, as per Akai’s 50-50 principal, she also, needs to change in order for this relationship to have a chance in the future. 

1- Closing in the Gap. For starters, she really needs to get more involved with him. Her not being aware that he has developed feelings for Akemi until he told us gives us an insght about the nature of their previous relationship, mainly re-confirming part 4 in the previous section about Akai. It might not be her fault that their relationship was not natural in that they barely spent time with one another, it’s probably Akai’s. However, this time, it’s her duty to prevent that. She can’t just sit around and follow what he wants, but otherwise, she needs to actively expresses what she wants, too. If he doesn’t talk to her, she needs to try to make him to. If he doesn’t share what is annoying him, she needs to find a way to make him talk. Being neutral (I doubt she was, she was probably suffering) and accepting to how he dictated their relationship is a flaw she needs to mend. She is a strong woman, she can do it. 

2- Do have the Akemi talk, again.I know this is probably a bad idea but they never really had a decent talk about this issue before. Akai won’t do it. She needs to gather her strength and initiate this talk. It will be therapeutic to both of them, even if this does not sound like it will. Jodie deserves to know how Akai felt/feel/will feel. Her future relies on that. If her future partner cannot talk about this - she probably needs to find a better one.

There are many other points I can bring up concerning Jodie. However, as I stated before, the main problem is with Akai... 

I don’t really know if they will ever hook up again. From the super digest interviews with Aoyama-sensei, some Red Straling fans are urging him to make it happen. He might end up doing it to please them. I just hope that those issues will be tackled as it is very unnatural for this to happen at a short notice - and we deserve to have more insight to how both of them feel about this (their worries, their feelings, their challenges, etc..).