#hello hi I have approximately two lil guys I rotate in my mind like a QVC showcase

[bonjourxrenae]

True blorbo status is achieved when you realize you just want them to be happy and treated well, no matter who they end up with or where they go, but especially if they must experience The Horrors before they get there first.

[floralguccistyles]

Hello all! While I am very happy to share this chapter with you, I am also aware that a lot of my social media feeds and timelines have stopped highlighting the BLM movement, which is so much more important. This fight is not over. It will not be over until there is justice for every single black mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, friend that has been killed by police brutality and violence. Please don’t allow the people we follow to sweep this under the rug. If you do not have the means to protest, there are several other ways you can donate and raise awareness to this issue. Here is a Twitter thread of donations that still haven’t reached their goals. Here is a compiled list of petitions you can sign, numbers you can text, and causes you can donate to. Here is a Twitter thread of Youtube videos you can watch that gain ad revenue and donate all money made to the BLM movement. Please do what you can, especially my fellow non-POC users, to help with this issue. It is so, so incredibly important.

wildflower :: chapter two

...and stays up with you all night

There was a tradition between the Horan-Fairbrough clan that once a month, we would all try and get together and have dinner. It usually ended up with Greg’s son Theo falling asleep while I held him and Violet spewing on about something she learned in college before we all settled down to watch a movie. We had an ongoing rotation on who picked the movie, and this month it happened to be Niall’s turn.

Which was why I was so shocked that it was a horror film.

I didn’t like scary movies. And neither did Niall. But when he sat between Lily and I (on the floor since our parents took the couch while Greg and Theo took the loveseat), I realized his intention. Lily hated horror films even more than I did. And when the first jump scare came around, Lily hid her face in Niall’s side and squealed a little.

Smart boy, that Niall.

“You’re an asshole for picking this film,” I told Niall as I held the popcorn bowl between us. Niall and I hadn’t spoken since last Monday, when he’d dropped off his stuff at my house. Everything had been in a nice neat pile except for my necklace. When I had inquired about it, he had told me that he hadn’t seen it, but he would look again. I think the look of panic on my face told him how serious I was about that particular piece of jewelry.

“Why would I give up a chance to hold both my Fairbrough girls while they scream bloody murder?”

He wasn’t wrong. I found myself jumping right alongside with Lily whenever something frightening happened, so Niall just grinned at me, called me a baby, and then offered his hand for me to hold. 

I gripped it like it was my lifeline. 

The day had started off normally, waking up in Lily’s bed to her arm strewn across my neck, quite close to choking me. Though I may have snored in my sleep (according to she and Niall, I was still doubtful), Lily tried to kill me in hers. Her alarm went off approximately three minutes after I untangled myself from her comforter and I went to work on making us coffee and breakfast while she took a shower. I was expecting Niall to show up at around seven-thirty, since that was normally the time Lily was done taking a shower and I was expected to keep him entertained. When the door opened and I saw him in a salmon-colored dress shirt, I smiled.

“Morning,” I said, blinking against the bright smile he gave me. “Want a cup?”

“God, you’d be an angel.”

“I’m always an angel, what are you talking about?” I stuck my tongue out at him, but started to work on his coffee. The eggs were frying in the pan, so I quickly added some garlic salt to them (because I knew Niall liked it) before I poured his drink into a to-go cup. I watched him sit at the barstool, tossing his sunglasses on the counter as he watched me make breakfast. “So, it’s your pick for movie night tonight. Any contenders?”

He shrugged. “Hadn’t thought about it much, to be honest. I’ve been dealing with some stuff at work.”

Rummaging through some drawers, I found a Sharpie and uncapped it. “What’s up?”

He sighed. I didn’t like this look on Niall, the defeated kind of look that made him look at least three years older. He looked like he was carrying the weight of something heavy on his shoulders. “Hey,” I said quietly, reaching across the counter to grab his forearm in what I hoped was a comfort. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

His other hand reached to grab my fingers, moving my touch on his arm to hold my hand. His fingers interlaced through mine, examining them for a moment. “One of my boys...a girl came forward and made a sexual assault claim yesterday.”

I tried not to freeze. I wasn’t sure if he noticed when my hand suddenly went limp, but his eyes were still locked onto our hands as if he were contemplating much more than just how large his were compared to mine. “Oh. Shit, I’m sorry, Ni. What...what’s happening?”

His nose wrinkled. “They’re getting him off the team, that’s what. I’m not going to have someone like that representing our team. He’ll go to the dean next week to talk about expulsion.”

“And the girl?” I asked softly.

“I don’t know, Rose. She’ll have to...Christ, she’ll carry this around for the rest of her life. I’ve assured her that his place on the team is nonexistent, but she didn’t look like she believed me.”

“So you didn’t think...she was pathetic or anything?”

“Pathetic? Jesus, Rose, no. I just feel like shit that she was even put in that position at all.”

I squeezed his hand tightly. He didn’t know why my fingers turned from a caress to a grip, but he squeezed my fingers back even so. 

The truth was, his words meant more to me than he’d ever know. But it also made me sad. For the girl, for me, and for anyone else who ever had to deal with something like that. I knew I didn’t deserve to place myself on the same caliber as the girl Niall was talking about. She’d been assaulted, and all Kent ever did was corner me in his office to exchange a promotion for sex. Still, knowing how Niall felt about it made things a little easier. There was no question on whether the player would still be on the team. He would just be...gone. No questions asked.

“You’re a good guy, Niall,” I whispered softly.

“It’s not a matter of being a good guy or not. It’s a matter of being a decent human being.”

Lily appeared in the kitchen before either of us could continue with our conversation, which was probably for the best. “Morning. Smells good, Rose,” Lily commented, coming over to stand by Niall. She wrapped her arms around the back of his shoulders and gave him a squeeze, kissing his cheek. “You smell good,” she mentioned to him.

He didn’t blush, which was weird because Niall always blushed when someone complimented him. He just grinned and let out a little chuckle. “Thanks, Lil. You’re dripping all over me.”

Lily usually let her hair air dry while she ate breakfast and then ran the dryer over it. It locked in enough of her curls to make it stylishly wavy, but not dry it enough so that they straightened out. She had it down to a science. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly, pulling away and lovingly wiping off a bit of water droplets from Niall’s shirt. The salmon color darkened to a burnt coral with the water, but it would be dry in a matter of minutes, so Niall didn’t look like he minded terribly. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Eggs, coffee, and I was going to cut up some of that fruit,” I announced, grabbing said fruit from the fridge. Lily usually kept her fridge pretty stocked with fruit, so she had several berries and a couple of assorted melon slices. 

“Where’s the bacon?” Niall groaned.

“We have some microwaveable bacon, but I doubt you want that.”

He wrinkled his nose. If there was one thing Niall hated, it was the shitty pre-cooked bacon Lily bought. I didn’t mind the taste of it, personally, and appreciated its convenience. Niall was a firm believer that bacon should take time and love. “I’m fine with eggs and fruit.”

“That’s what I thought.” Cutting the fruit and not cutting my finger proved to be a task, but I accomplished it and put all the berries and melons on a plate. The eggs, which had been taken off heat during my fruit-cutting, were still warm, so I put them onto individual plates and handed them off to Lily and Niall. “Bon appetit.”

“A meal fit for a king,” Niall exclaimed. He was always too generous when describing my cooking. I wasn’t terrible and my food was almost always edible, but I wasn’t going to become a chef anytime soon. “Thanks, Rosebud.”

The morning continued on as usual, with Lily leaving Niall and I to keep each other company while she went about her morning routine. There was no more discussion on the girl that had come forward about Niall’s student athlete, but I could tell by the duller color of his eyes that it was still weighing heavy on his mind. Which was why when he was looking away and getting things situated for his day at work, I took the Sharpie and scribbled out “you’re a great role model for the students” with about a thousand x’s and o’s underneath it. He grinned and pressed a kiss to my hair when he saw it, and claimed “he’d keep the cup until the end of time, Rosebud.”

But Niall couldn’t hide his disappointment and sorrow. Which, in retrospect, might have been the reason that he had chosen a horror movie. It was probably a last minute decision.

I wasn’t sure what the title of the movie was, but it was some gory and bloody thing with demonic possession. Our families had varying reactions to the film. Greg was falling in and out of sleep, while his parents on the other side of him were cringing at the film. My parents, who had grown up with horror films, seemed to be genuinely enjoying it, letting out little ohs and ahs when something interesting happened. Violet just stared at the screen with the indifference of a Gen Z child, typing away at her phone whenever the plot got too boring for her to handle.

It was only about forty minutes into the movie when Violet nudged my foot with hers and gestured towards the kitchen with her chin. Things had been back to normal between the two of us, the vulnerable night of sleeping by her side long forgotten. I was honestly thankful for the usual attitude. If she started treating me like some frail thing, I might have burst into tears. I had always prided myself on being a strong person, and I was obsessed with Violet and Lily seeing me in the same light. So when we had woken up the next morning, Violet with drool down her chin and my hair in a wild disarray, I wished she would say something normal.

I believe her exact words had been “Jesus, you have bad morning breath,” before she had promptly rolled over to face away from me.

Still, I followed her to the kitchen, Niall’s eyes on me questioningly when Violet and I walked away from the family. I shrugged my shoulders, unaware as to what Violet wanted as much as he was. Unlike Lily and Niall’s apartments, my childhood home had a kitchen separated by a thick wall, so maybe Violet wanted some advice on Selma and Eric and needed privacy. 

When we arrived to the kitchen, however, I did not expect the turn our conversation took.

Without saying anything, she walked to her purse and pulled out a slip of paper, handing it to me. 

“Am I supposed to know what this is?”

“It’s the health specialist at my university. She has a practice outside of the school, so I asked for her office number.”

I stared at it, a little more than confused. “Alright. Cool. What am I supposed to do with it?”

“She’s a psychologist.”

The paper suddenly felt like a weight in my hand. I gaped at her, mouth open like a fish as she stared at me, almost daring me to give it back to her. Which I tried to do almost instantaneously. “I don’t need this, Violet. Save it for someone who actually does.”

“Seeing a therapist isn’t a bad thing, Rose. She can help with the whole Kent thing. She’s been helping me a lot and I really like her, so I think you will too.”

“I’m sure she’s a wonderful lady, but I don’t need to see her.” I crossed my arm over my chest, only after setting the unwanted phone number on the countertop. “This was a little invasive of you.”

“It wasn’t invasive. It’s me trying to help. You’ve got some shit you need to deal with, as do I, and she can help. I mean, she’s no miracle worker, but it would be nice to talk to someone about what happened.”

My mouth went dry. “Violet, nothing happened. People have had it much worse than I have.” I thought about this morning, about Niall’s defeated face when he told me about the girl at the college. “He didn’t...he didn’t assault me or anything. He just made some lewd comments. It isn’t enough to see someone over, trust me.”

“Rose, you’re nearly twenty-five and you have to sleep with someone else in the room.”

I knew deep down that Violet was coming from a place of love, just like all her other jabs and pokes did. But this felt too personal for me to brush off. I had opened up to her that night at Lily’s, and she was throwing it back in my face. “You didn’t have to come into my room that night,” I said defensively, and I wondered if she could tell my voice was ten times icier than it had been before.

“I’m not trying to attack you or anything—”

“That’s what it feels like.”

Lily must have sensed that Violet and I in a kitchen alone would stir some trouble. She came in only seconds later, raising an eyebrow at the two of us. “Having a party in here without me?”

“I gave Rose the therapist’s number and she’s refusing to take it,” Violet commented. 

“Keep your voice down,” I hissed.

“You gave it to her in the middle of the Horan-Fairbrough family night?” Lily asked incredulously. I was happy that she seemed to be as confused as I was, but then her words actually caught up to me.

“You knew?” I asked, turning to face my big sister. “Did you tell her what a bad idea it was?” Lily looked at me, her lips pressed together in a thin line. When she didn’t speak for a few moments, I knew. Maybe it was stupid to feel the stab of betrayal, but I did. “You told her to do it.”

“She was mentioning how much her therapist has helped her with college and I thought it might be beneficial to you. I didn’t know she was going to give it to you during family night.”

Lily never went behind my back. About anything. She and I were always open books with one another. So hearing that she had gone out of her way to ask Violet do this made me feel like shit. “I thought you were fine with me staying at your place?” I couldn’t keep the childlike whine out of my voice. I had never thought that Lily disliked having me in her apartment, but maybe she did. Maybe she had asked Violet about this because she wanted to get rid of me.

“Of course I am, Rose! That’s not the point of this,” Lily was quick to assure me. “I just think talking about it might help.”

I felt like someone had just pulled the rug out from under me. They were asking me to see someone, like I was a giant burden. I would have expected this from Violet, who was always blunt and truthful, but I would have never expected it from Lily. Lily would have sat me down, brought it up, asked my opinions, and then let it go when it seemed like it was something I didn’t want. “Right. Well, I don’t think it will, so let’s drop it and go watch the rest of the movie.”

“Okay,” Lily said, reaching out to rub my shoulder comfortingly. “Yeah, we’ll go back out.”

“No,” Violet mentioned, her posture hard and defiant. “I’m not letting you walk back out there until you take the phone number. Lily may baby you about this, but I’m not going to.”

“Violet,” Lily chastised.

“You let her get away with so much shit, Lil. And then the one time we dare request she do something to help herself, you act like her word is final. You’ve got some serious shit going on, Rose. You need to let it out before it eats you alive.”

“Right now, all I need is to exit this conversation. A conversation, might I remind you, that our parents and Niall don’t know about,” I snapped angrily.

“What don’t I know about?”

Perfect. When I turned, Niall was standing in the kitchen, hip leaning against the counter with the empty bowl of popcorn in his hands. His hair was tousled, most likely from Theo running his fingers through it playfully earlier on in the dinner portion of the night, and he was wearing a flannel that looked soft to the touch. He also looked adorably confused at our conversation.

“Nothing, Ni,” Lily commented, sending a quiet look towards Violet to remind her to keep her mouth shut. Violet huffed impatiently, but luckily shut her mouth. “Need me to get more popcorn?”

“Yeah, Greg’s fat arse ate most of it.” Lily took the bowl from him and got another bag from the pantry, placing it in the microwave. “What are my favorite girls discussing?”

“Rose’s job,” Lily deflected, sending a blinding smile towards Niall, as if that was going to stop him from asking questions. “The hotel’s offering her a couple of free rooms and she was going to use them for our parents’ anniversary. She wanted it to be a surprise, so you can’t tell them, got it?”

“That’s sweet of you, Rosebud. I won’t tell them, promise.” 

“Thanks, Ni,” I breathed out. Violet rolled her eyes.

I knew this conversation was far from over. Violet was glaring at me and Lily was looking at me like she was apologetically about to burst into tears, but all I wanted to do was curl back up on the floor and finish the stupid movie. I knew there would be no more getting scared tonight, due to the fact that I wouldn’t be paying attention to the rest of the film, so I was safe from any nightmares I might have had about a possessed demon child. But the tension hung from the three of us like albatrosses, and it continued as we slowly made our way back to the living room.

“Need me to hold your hand again, Rosebud?” Niall joked. I mustered up a small smile, putting the popcorn bowl between us again. I ignored my sister as they sat back down, Lily for once not cuddling up to Niall’s side. He stared back and forth between the two of us. “Something wrong?” he whispered towards me.

“Nope.”

“That wasn’t very convincing.”

“Drop it, Niall.”

He seemed taken aback by my shortness. His jaw ticked, a sure sign that I knew he was either embarrassed or annoyed, and nodded at me, leaning back against the couch. He didn’t look in my direction for the rest of the film, and while I felt shitty about being so snappish, I couldn’t bring myself to stop. My sisters had somehow ruined my night in one fell swoop.

There was a reason I didn’t talk about what happened at Barkley’s. On top of me being completely done with the situation emotionally, I was also incredibly embarrassed. How had I not noticed that Kent seemed to favor me simply because he thought I was cute? All of the times he had complimented my work ethic, made me feel like I was one of the best employees, and the consecutive months of being employee of the month (which wasn’t a feat because there were only three of us and the other three hardly made their goal sales), he had just been doing it because he wanted to have sex with me.

It made me feel useless.

And if there was one thing I hated most in the world, it was feeling useless.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to Niall, trying to keep my voice soft so my parents wouldn’t overhear. “You caught me in a bad mood, and I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“No,” he agreed, “you shouldn’t.” But he held up his palm, an invitation. I relaxed immediately, threading my fingers through his and cuddling up against his side. 

He didn’t let go the entirety of family night, his little reassurance that we were okay.

~

I was willing myself not to leave my bed. 

Like usual, I had woken up about three hours after falling asleep. The apartment was quiet and a little chilly, so cuddling up next to Lily’s side would have solved all my problems. But my head continued to revolve around the conversation with Violet and Lily, and now I felt like I was just going to be a burden if I went into her room and bothered her.

The ride back to the apartment from the Horan-Fairbrough family night had been quiet. Lily had kept the volume low so I could talk to her if I wanted to, but there hadn’t been anything to say. Knowing Lily as well as I did, I knew she was feeling guilty. But I couldn’t bring myself to talk about the night’s events with her.

Now, sitting alone in my bed, I wished I would have. 

I shifted my weight, moving so I was laying on my side and facing the door to my room. In the year that I’d been here, I’d made it my own. I had pictures and plants on my shelves, I had brought in a bookcase, and there was art hung on my walls with command strips so I wouldn’t have to put a nail through the wall. This room was my safe space, like nothing bad from the outside world could ever get me when I was in here.

Violet’s words rang in my head.

My hands were on my phone before I could really process what was happening. I scrolled through the Facetime app until I came across Niall’s information, clicking on the silly little photo I’d set as his contact photo. On bated breath, I waited for Niall to answer the phone call. I should have known better than to feel nervous. Niall was the type of guy to always answer, no matter what time of night it was.

Which was why I was staring into a grainy version of his bright blue eyes only seconds later.

“Rosebud,” he grumbled, groggy from sleep. His hair was mussed, his eyes half closed, and he was shirtless. I couldn’t see much because the blanket covered most of his chest, but I still grew a little warm. “What time is it?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shaking my head, feeling incredibly foolish. “I shouldn’t have woken you up.”

There was something in the tone of my voice that had him sitting up, eyes opening a little wider. A cute yawn escaped his mouth, but he looked more awake than he had when he had initially picked up the phone. “Don’t be stupid,” he said softly, “what’s up?”

“Has...has Lily ever talked to you about not being happy I’m at her place?”

Niall’s eyebrows furrowed. “No. She loves having you there.”

“You don’t think I’m a...a burden?”

“Rosebud,” he said, and his voice was so soft and sweet that it made me want to cry. “You could never be a burden. Where is all of this coming from?”

The tears came faster than I thought they would. I hated crying in front of people. I could probably count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I’d done it and all of them had been in front of Lily. Lily, who I knew wouldn’t judge me for it. Niall wouldn’t judge me either, of that I was sure, but I still felt like a stupid little kid when the first tear spilled over.

“God, Rose, please don’t cry. I can’t handle it when you cry.” At the look on my face, he let out a small laugh. “Not because you’re a burden, Rose. Just because seeing you cry honestly breaks my heart.”

“I’m sorry,” I managed to stutter out.

“Don’t be sorry, Rose. Just dry those big brown eyes and talk to me. What’s going on?” I couldn’t answer for a few moments, still trying to stifle my cries so I wouldn’t wake Lily up. I saw Niall start to move on his bed, before I heard his voice. “I’m coming over there.”

“No,” I said immediately, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t call to bother you.”

“When are you going to get it through that thick head of yours that you aren’t a burden to me?” he asked, rolling his eyes. “I won’t come if you don’t want me to. But I’ve got to know what’s going on, Rosebud. You’re worrying me a little.”

Once I calmed my tears a little, I sniffled so I wouldn’t look like a complete fool with snot dripping down my nose. “In the kitchen earlier, Violet made a subtle dig that Lily might not like having me here. Like I’m a burden to have. I just...I know you know her better than anyone, and maybe she felt like she couldn’t share her real feelings with me. So I wanted to ask you and see if she’d said anything. You know Lily. she wouldn’t tell me to my face if that’s how she felt because she’s too nice.”

“She is too nice. But she wouldn’t lie to you about something like this, Rosebud. I know for a fact that she doesn’t hate having you there, though. You’ve got to know that.”

I nodded hopelessly, rolling my eyes at myself. “And I just feel so stupid because I can’t sleep unless I’m with someone. That’s why I asked you to stay at your apartment. The idea of sleeping alone terrifies me. But Violet has me paranoid that Lily doesn’t want me here, so I don’t want to wake her up and bother her.”

“Lily won’t mind,” Niall said softly. He was leaning back against his pillows. Sometime during my crying, he had turned on his lamp and basked in the soft yellow light. No one looked good in that awful yellow light, but somehow Niall managed. “But I could stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep, if you want,” he continued. 

“I don’t want you to pity me or think I’m pathetic, either.”

“Rose, I don’t think I’ve met anyone stronger. You take everything in stride and still have a smile on your face. It’s more likely that I’m going to be in complete awe of you.”

My breath caught in my throat, stuck in the center like I needed to swallow it down. His words filled me with the kind of reassurance and comfort I needed at this exact moment, and I sighed when the warmth of his words hit me. “You always know what to say, Niall.”

He laughed. “Not true. I feel like I’m a bumbling mess around you most of the time.”

Frowning, I shook my head. “You’re one of the most eloquent and well-spoken people I’ve ever met. I always value your opinions and advice.” I moved myself back against my pillows, laying on my side and propping my phone up on my nightstand so I didn’t have to hold it up while I conversed with Niall. “You’ll make someone a very happy girl someday.”

I saw the way his eyes softened, like he was lost in a memory. They were the color of the sky in the morning, right when the sun was rising and it was cast in a warm yellow glow. “I don’t know,” he said, raising a hand to the back of his neck. His cheeks, like they normally were when someone complimented him, were an endearing pink. “There’s...there’s really only one girl’s opinion I care about.”

I wanted to sit up straight and demand he tell me more, but I refrained. I knew that acting suddenly might spook him into not telling me. “I didn’t know you liked someone.”

“Like…” he trailed off, shaking his head and letting out a little laugh. It sounded like the word wasn’t sufficient enough for what he was feeling. “Yeah. Yeah, I like her.”

“Tell me about her,” I encouraged, my voice as soft as I could make it.

“You don’t want to hear about this, Rose.”

“I always want to hear about what’s going on in your life.”

He groaned, running his hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have even said anything.”

“Don’t make me pull the Fairbrough puppy dog eyes.”

“Not the Fairbrough eyes,” he gasped dramatically, clutching his hand to his chest as the both of us let out small laughs. Then, he sobered up, his smile turning a little more soft and caring. “She’s great. Driven, strong, stubborn. She’s got this crazy loyalty to her family, like no other. And she’s probably the most gorgeous fucking girl I’ve ever seen in my life.”

He was describing Lily almost perfectly. I felt the smile growing on my face. As Lily’s sister who wanted the absolute best for her, I knew that Niall was it. He was kind, almost to a fault. He would never hurt her intentionally. The way he revered her...it was how I’d always wanted someone to look at me. “She sounds incredibly special.”

“She is.”

The question was burning on the tip of my tongue, begging to be asked. But these things took time. I didn’t want to scare him away from his feelings for Lily by discussing them, so I let the subject drop. “She’d better get ready to be a babysitter for Horan-Fairbrough family nights. I think Greg passed Theo onto me the second I walked through the door. How that man became a father, I’ll never know.”

He laughed, but there was something off about it, like he was disappointed in the subject change. “Must be because you’re so good with kids.”

“I’m shit with kids. Greg’s just fucking lazy.”

That seemed to bring the smile back to his face and he let out a chuckle that sounded like melted chocolate and sunshine and everything else good in the world. Lily would never be lacking in the husband department when she and Niall got married (because let’s be honest, it was an inevitability). He was the entire package, gifted in every area. He would be the kindest, the handsomest, the funniest. 

I didn’t expect the pang that went through me.

I’d always wanted what Niall and Lily had. The easy friendship and the fiery passion (I imagined there was fiery passion, I’d never personally seen it) and the desperate longing. I wanted someone to look at me the way they looked at each other and talk about me the way Niall talked about Lily now. It was how Patrick and Niamh looked at each other. It was how my mother and father looked at each other.

It felt so impossible, so far away for me, that it made my heart curl in my chest. 

“Tell me what’s going on in that head,” he whispered, and he must have thought I had fallen asleep by the look on my face. I blinked, giving him a soft smile.

“Just thinking.” I heard another voice, something grainy and staticy and narrowed my eyes. “Are you watching TV? I didn’t know my company bored you so much.”

Niall shrugged. “It’s Dawson’s Creek, Rosebud. You’d do the same thing.”

I laughed, snuggling up further against my pillows. “What episode?”

“The one where Joey and Pacey kiss for the first time.”

“Okay, but the car kiss or the fireside kiss?”

“The fireside, obviously.”

“That’s not technically their first kiss,” I pointed out.

“It’s the one that matters,” he countered. “Can you believe there are some idiots who would prefer Joey with Dawson?”

“The horror,” I agreed, rolling my eyes. “Say some of the lines for me so I know what’s going on.”

“I’m not going to talk over one of the best scenes in television history.” He took one glance at my pleading face and groaned. “I hate you, you know that?” 

“No you don’t. If it’s the fireside scene, I have this one memorized. You be Pacey and I’ll be Joey.”

He rolled his eyes, but turned back to the television. His voice came through just seconds after Pacey’s did. “The only reason that you don’t have the answers is because you’ve been too scared to ask yourself the right questions.” I recognized the line right away. 

“What are you talking about?” I replied, grinning when he gave me a look, as if asking do I really have to do this?

“Look!” he suddenly exclaimed, making me laugh and stifle it into my pillow so I didn’t wake up Lily. “I know how I feel. You know how I feel. That much is obvious by now. But during this whole process, we’ve managed to miss the point. Because the point is not how I feel, it’s how you feel. So how do you feel?”

“It’s so obvious she loves him back.”

“Oi! If I have to do the lines, you have to do the lines too.”

“Awful!” I copied his exaggeration and heard him chuckle. “That’s how I feel Niall—”

“We’re supposed to be Pacey and Joey!”

“I’m adding flair! That’s how I feel Niall, I feel awful.”

“So do I. When I was kissing you tonight, I don’t think I’ve ever felt better and worse in my entire life. I mean, the very idea that...who should be Dawson and Andy?”

“Patrick and Niamh.”

He raised a brow. “Hopefully Niamh and Patrick aren’t cheating on each other with the two of us.”

“Just finish it!”

“The very idea that Niamh or Patrick could find out about us is killing me. It is tearing me up on the inside to have these feelings for you, but I can’t get rid of them. I can’t keep on kissing you, Rose.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean just that. I can’t keep on kissing you. Alright, I’ve done it twice now! I can’t be the one who’s always initiating this. I can’t be the one who’s always giving you all the answers. Look at me, Rose.”

“Shit I forgot the next line.”

“What a shit Dawson’s Creek fan you are. I thought you knew all the lines.”

“Shut up,” I laughed, pausing the Facetime so I could look up the exact scene lines. “I can’t,” I said dramatically, finding the lines easily and returning to the Facetime so I could see Niall giving me a deadpan look. 

“Please,” he recited. I went to go find the script again but he protested. “You’re supposed to be looking at me! You’re not a very good Joey.”

“It’s your line anyway.”

“If you felt even one shred of what I feel for you...then we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.”

There wasn’t another line for me to reply with, as Pacey and Joey had finally kissed, so I looked at Niall with a grin on my face. He was staring at me, something unreadable in his eyes. I knew that our game of reciting lines was over in the way that his eyes burned and his mouth turned downwards at the corners. I wished more than anything that he was here so I could reach out and embrace him, reassure him that there was no possible way that Lily didn’t love him back. He didn’t have to be heartbroken anymore.

“Unrequited love is a bitch,” I said in a whisper.

“I thought you said it was obvious that Joey loved him,” he replied.

“It is. I just meant...in general. It’s a bitch. But we should still tell the people we love that we love them. Life’s too short.”

He swallowed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was silent between us. I didn’t ask Niall to recite any more lines and he didn’t ask me to join in. He just sat and watched his TV and I just sat and watched him. Eventually, my eyes slowly closed and I drifted off into sleep.

I heard him whisper a “goodnight, Rosebud,” before I completely fell.

~

I woke up, for the first time in the past year, alone in my bed. 

When my eyes opened, I blearily glanced at my clock. If waking up by myself hadn’t surprised me enough for one morning, then I would have been surprised at how late I had slept in. Most days I was up around the same time as Lily, since I could never go back to sleep if she started making lots of noise. Looking at my clock now, my eyes widened a little bit when I saw it was just four minutes past nine, which meant Lily and Niall had already been at work for an hour. 

I allowed myself only five minutes to stay cuddled in my blankets before I stood, rubbing my eyes and making my way to the kitchen. The coffee was still out, though it was probably cold. Since I usually didn’t eat much for breakfast, I just popped bread in the toaster and poured myself a cup, shoving it in the microwave to heat it up.

Since Lily and I hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk about what had happened, I regarded the little pink Post-It note with hesitance. I knew that she was apologizing. But I still felt a little sad. The betrayal and anger had left me last night, as I was falling asleep with Niall humming something in the background. I was still furious with Violet and probably would be for the foreseeable future, but it was hard to be mad at Lily when she meant so much to me.

Dinner on me tonight. We’ll hang out and talk. Stopping by the bundt cake place after work and getting white chocolate raspberry. Your fave!! Love you.

I set the note back on the counter and retrieved my cup of coffee. I didn’t have much to do today since it was one of my days off, but I felt too antsy to stay in the house. Deciding to get ready for the day and see where it took me, I headed back towards my room with my plate and coffee cup in my hand.

I wondered how Niall was doing. Today was the day that they were meeting with the dean to discuss the expulsion status of the sexual assaulter. Knowing him, he would be incredibly stressed and worried about the whole ordeal. 

Which was why I found myself standing in the donut shop thirty minutes later.

“Rose!” The owner, Matilda, said. She was a larger woman with pretty dark skin and incredibly white teeth. “Nice to see you. Day off?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You here for Lily and Niall’s favorites?” 

“Just Niall today. I’ll get four of his favorites. He’s meeting with the dean at his job about a student and I thought he could use the pick me up.”

Matilda grinned at me. “You are too sweet. Niall’s lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one,” I responded. And it was true. I was so incredibly lucky to have Niall in my life.

She walked back towards the display cases, grabbing a vanilla cake with chocolate frosting donut, sprinkled with coconut shavings. Niall could devour three of them in a minute. As she loaded up the to-go box with the donuts, she added in a maple bar for me. “How long have y’all been together?”

It took me a moment to process her question. I blinked at her, giving her a confused smile. “Oh, Niall and I aren’t together. He’s in love with my sister, Lily.”

Matilda’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “No shit? I could have sworn he was all moon-eyed over you. When you used to come in here with him back when you in school, he would stare at you with the most adorable look on his face.”

I laughed. “Knowing him, he was looking longingly at the donut I was holding. He and Lily are soulmates. Our whole family has a bet on when they’re going to get together.”

She handed me the box, accepting the tenner I passed over the counter. “You know, my David just got married. Nice girl. They moved to New York, so they’re too far away, but I just found out she’s pregnant.”

“Grandma Matilda. It’s got a ring to it,” I joked. 

“I could have sworn he was going to end up with his childhood friend, Zoe. They did everything together when they were younger. They’re still super close. In fact, she and Clarissa, the new wife, hit it off. Zoe was the maid of honor.” I didn’t really realize the point of her story, but I didn’t care. I could listen to Matilda talk for ages. She was just someone you wanted to listen to. “If I had made bets on Zoe and David, I would have lost.”

“I might lose because of the timing,” I countered, shuffling with the change she handed me, “but they’re definitely getting together.”

Matilda shooed me out of the shop with a wave of her hand and a threat that if I didn’t come visit her soon, she’d drag me out of the apartment by herself. I just grinned and got another Uber to take me to the college. 

Niall’s coworkers knew Lily like the back of their hands. They were always wondering who it was that Niall was taking out to lunch. However, they didn’t know me. Which was why when I walked into the athletics building of the college and asked to see Niall, the secretary looked at me a little strangely. 

“Sure,” she said hesitantly, like she didn’t think Niall knew anyone else besides Lily. “Just fill out this sign-in sheet and let me print you out a visitor sticker.” I filled out the sheet and handed it back to her. The second she saw my last name, she understood. “Oh. Fairbrough. You Lily’s sister?”

“Guilty.”

“He might still be in the meeting with the dean, but feel free to wait in his office. If he is still in the meeting, it won’t be long. Ten minutes tops.”

Offering my thanks, I made my way through the building. It was decorated with sports jerseys from the college, as well as professional jerseys. I realized I had never been in Niall’s office before, so when I walked in, I was a little surprised to see how open and spacious it was. Obviously I didn’t think he worked in a tiny little cramped space, but there were large windows on one wall and his desk only took up a quarter of the room, meaning he still had a good amount of space for filing cabinets and things of the like. I sat in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk, admiring the pictures and little knick knacks that littered his space. Just like in his room, the frame he had next to his computer had pictures of he and his family and my sisters and I. 

The door opened and slammed shut. Niall hadn’t noticed me yet, but he was pinching the bridge of his nose and looked like he had the headache of the century. I heard him let out a tiny curse before he opened his eyes and all anger melted away from his face, leaving only confusion.

“Rose?” he asked softly, like I was a figment of the imagination.

“Hi Niall!” I greeted cheerily, ignoring how wrong it felt when he didn’t call me Rosebud. “I brought donuts.”

He ignored the proffered white box, instead marching forward with purpose and wrapping his arms around me. A surprised grunt left my mouth, but he clutched me like I was a lifeline and I immediately wrapped my arms around his back. I let him cling to me, sensing it was something he needed. Honestly, I probably needed it too. It was nice to be held and know that Niall wanted to keep me safe from any harm.

“That bad?” I whispered into his shoulder.

“They had us talk to the girl afterwards. She had a meltdown. It was horrifying to watch.” His grip on my waist tightened.

“I figured it would be bad. I brought donuts,” I said again, weakly. 

“Don’t need donuts,” he stated, “just need you.”

“I’m here.”

I couldn’t begin to fathom the moments we stood there, just gripping onto one another. Occasionally, his hand would move from my waist to my hair, tangling there and drawing me even closer, like he couldn’t believe I was there. My forehead pressed into his shirt, a pretty lilac color. One of the many things I loved about Niall was that he wasn’t afraid to wear color. The purple soothed me a little bit, even though I hadn’t come into his work wanting to be soothed.

Eventually, he pulled away. His eyes were red and he looked on the verge of tears. “What’re you doing here?” he asked gruffly, his voice low from emotion.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, not wanting the contact between us to end. He laced our fingers together immediately. “I knew today would be tough. And you were so supportive and...there for me last night that I wanted to do the same for you.”

“You don’t have to pay me back for last night, Rose. I wanted to.”

“And I wanted to help today,” I argued, shoving the box of donuts at him once more. He smiled and took them. “Matilda has threatened to come hunt us down if we don’t come in more often.”

“I don’t need to be seeing Matilda on a daily basis unless she wants to roll me out of the building.” He sat at his desk, across from me, and dug into his donuts. I wondered if he had been too nervous to eat anything that morning, despite the fact that Lily made them breakfast. 

“I realized I’ve never been in your office,” I commented as he ate. “I love it. It’s bigger than I expected.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty decent setup. I can give you a tour of the campus later, if you’d like.”

 I nodded enthusiastically. Though I’d known Niall nearly all my life, I’d never really been around the campus he worked at. I’d been once or twice for a class that they offered when spots at my own college were limited, but that was it. 

He reached into the  box and handed me my maple bar, along with a couple of napkins so I wouldn’t get his desk sticky. We ate in comfortable silence, him looking over some documents and me just enjoying being in his presence. Once I had taken my last bite and he had shuffled his papers around, he cleared his throat and gestured towards the door.

“C’mon, we’ve got a pretty decent coffee place and I know the pot was probably cold when you woke up. Microwaved coffee is shit.”

“It was fine.” I shrugged. I hadn’t minded it that morning, more focused on my plan to comfort Niall. 

“Bullshit,” he said, giving me a grin that for some reason did weird things to my heart. Holding out his hand, I laced our fingers together as he led us out of his office. The secretary’s eyes nearly popped out when she saw us together, leaning over to whisper something quickly to a coworker that was sitting at the front desk. It made me a little uncomfortable, but Niall pulled me along quickly so I didn’t have time to dwell.

The college was gorgeous. I could admit that. It was even prettier than the own college I attended. When Violet had been applying for colleges, this had been one of her main contenders because of how gorgeous it was. Ultimately, it didn’t have a veterinarian program like the college I attended. Therefore, she was at my alma mater. Still, as Niall pointed things out with the hand that wasn’t holding mine, I made sure to comment on how pretty the layout of it was.

“Hey, Mr. H!” I heard someone shout when we started walking towards the little coffee stand outside of one of the buildings. Niall blushed a little at being called “mister” in front of me; it was as endearing as every other time he blushed when he was complimented. The kid walking towards us waved his hand enthusiastically.

“What’s up, Jordan?” Niall asked, grasping Jordan’s hand and pulling him into that guy hug I’d seen him do many times before to his brother. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Styles’ class right now?”

Jordan was a muscular kid with shoulder-length brown hair and pretty dark brown eyes. “Nah, he cancelled today. My girlfriend and I were going to get some coffee and then see a movie. She’s technically got Payne in twenty minutes, but they’re just doing an optional extra credit quiz.” I saw his eyes wander over to me, wondering who the girl with Mr. H was.

“Jordan, this is my friend, Rose. Rose, this is Jordan. He’s probably one of the best baseball players this college has seen in a while.”

I didn’t know shit about baseball, but I smiled. “Nice to meet you, Jordan.” His hand engulfed mine comically when he shook it. “I’ll give you a tenner if you call him Mr. H again. He got so red.”

Jordan laughed. “We call him Mr. H until he tells our coaches to push us harder. Then we call him names behind his back.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Niall said, waving off Jordan’s comments. “What are you and Poppy getting? I’ll buy.”

“Mr. H, you don’t have to!”

“It’s pointless arguing with him,” I told Jordan, shrugging. “I usually just relish in the free stuff.”

Jordan laughed. “In that case, just a vanilla latte and a caramel macchiato.”

Niall didn’t bother asking me for my order, since he knew how I took my coffee. He stepped forward to the cart to order, leaving Jordan and I a little ways back. “So, what’re you studying?” I asked Jordan.

“Kinesiology,” he responded. I was impressed. I could never get into the big sciences. “You?”

“Graduated a couple years back with a business major and marketing minor.”

“Cool. You’re lucky to be such good friends with Mr. H. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve met. Told me he’d give me a letter of recommendation for my masters program in the fall.”

“Sounds like him,” I agreed. And it did. Niall wouldn’t hesitate to help his athletes. Plus, I imagined for Jordan’s sake that a letter of recommendation from the athletics director of the school was nothing to scoff at. 

Niall returned with our coffee, handing Jordan his two drinks. “We’ve got to take off, but come visit me sometime, yeah? Have fun with Poppy.”

“Thanks, Mr. H. I’ll see you later.”

Jordan walked off, leaving the two of us to enjoy our coffee as we made our way through the courtyard of the school. “You really make an impact in these students’ lives.”

He shrugged. “A lot of directors are removed from the teams. They let the coaches do all the work. I want to be involved in the careers of the athletes. Feel like I helped them in some way.”

I grinned, taking his hand and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He squeezed me into his side. “You help everyone in every way. It’s pretty much impossible to meet you and not be affected in the best of ways.”

That blush came again and I smiled at the sight of it. “You’ve got to stop complimenting me. It’ll all go to my head.”

He wasn’t expecting the shove, but after he finished being dramatic about how I could have killed him, he wrapped his arm around me again and I caught him smiling.

I realized I hadn’t thought of the situation with Kent, my lackluster job, or my sisters once.