#hello everyone I do occasionally log on

[cal-flakes]

Hello! Could you write something where reader and rafe are together for a while and completely obsessed with each other.. one day someone new to the island makes a negative comment about them and rafe hears about it

got a couple hurt/comfort requests so here u go xxx

‧₊🫧꒷꒦‧₊˚⋆

— laughter and embers from the log fire filled the air, comfortable sounds of waves crashing mixed with chatter, from everyone, from all sides of the island could be heard. and it made your heart swell.

but not nearly as much as the sight of your ever so gloomy boyfriend smiling; that’s right ladies and gentleman, rafe cameron had a smile on his face, a rare sight to behold. and it only made yours bigger, so much so that your cheeks hurt.

you sat comfortably on his lap, strong arms keeping you in places while he conversed with the other kooks, occasionally pressing the odd kiss to your shoulder, until you excused yourself. “m’gonna get another drink, want one?” you cooed, raking your manicured nails through the tiny growth of his buzzed hair. “m’all good kid, hold on— i’ll come with you”

after a minor dispute, nothing harmful, just his usual protectiveness kicking in, he finally agreed to let you go alone, seeing as it was ‘only over there’ you’d whined. you were a big girl, you could do things by yourself.

and you did, and yet, you’d come back sniffling. “hey—hey! c’mere, what’s wrong?” rafe almost shouted, heart beating at the sight of you, mascara smeared around your under eyes, nose red from running. shaking your head, you snuggled into his chest, desperately avoiding his prying gaze, yet only managed to draw more attention. “use your words alright? can’t help if i don’t know what’s going on kid” he sighed, pulling you from his chest and taking your chin in his hand.

“c-called me a stuck up bitch” you spluttered, struggling to catch your breath while rafe’s caught in his throat. it was like a switch, something going off in his mind as the words left your mouth. “who? tell me who angel”

“jj— he stopped me at the drinks bar”

“maybank, course it was fuckin’ maybank” he muttered, hands squeezing your face scarily tight, causing you to wince. “shit, m’sorry kid” he hummed, pressing a hard kiss to your chin before standing up, placing you in his warmed seat. “top— c’mon man, kelce— you keep an eye on her, alright?” he instructed, eyes avoiding your tearful gaze, not wanting your sweet little pout to distract him from what was about to go down.

“no—no rafe! please, jus’ sit with me, s’fine” you cried out, reaching for his arm as he began pulling away. turning back round, he knelt to your level— taking your face between his palms.

“listen angel, i love you— i really do, and that’s why he can’t get away with this, m’kay?”

[dr9com9ge-ix]

We’re nearing all of em- Also hello Anon that asked me for Durple, He’s here now! Info under the cut as per usual!

Durple

100 He/They

- Is a dragon which live for far longer and age much slower than most sprunki. Durple is quite young and small for one.

- Lives in the town’s local lake which leads to the ocean where he was originally born in. He usually prefers fresh water to salt water when it comes to sitting in.

- Does not like other dragons on the account that larger ones will eat smaller ones. This is why he moved out of the ocean as this even applies to dragons and their young as soon as they become independent enough to fend for themselves.

- Still swims out to the ocean on occasion for a meal.

- He is amphibious, being able to breathe in water and on land though will get uncomfortable if his skin dries out.

- Pretty chill, But Initially thought he was going to get slain when he was discovered by Simon and Oren due to past experiences of knights arriving and trying to fight him for his hoard. Turned out the two were just there to fish and Durple calmed down. They’re besties now.

- Was not used to wearing clothes due to them getting drenched in water and heavy on land, tends to wear swimsuits.

- Sometimes runs on all fours.

- English/Sprunkish is not his first language- Spoke in Draconic when he first emerged from the lake which is very loud and harsh and has a tendency to launch people far back. Actually has a very soft speaking voice in english, probably has a bit of an accent and uses ye olde words on occasion alongside slang Oren and Simon use.

- His trumpet collection is kept in a cave near the lake as to avoid breaking them via water-logging. (and his jorts, The jorts have to stay dry so he can wear them in town for modesty’s sake.)

- Can imitate trumpet and other sounds very well. Uses this to go “womp- womp- wooomp” for comedic effect.

- A bit lazy, Likes to curl up at the bottom of the lake and snooze most days. Usually comes up for non-water drinks and when Simon and/or Oren want to hang out.

- Thinks its hilarious that sprunkis think sitting on a bench near the lake is romantic, like to him thats just people smooching on his lawn. Doesn’t mind it all too much, he does acknowledge his lake is in a park.

- He’s chill with about everyone in town though is wary of Jevin, Mostly because he’s new and dressed like a few occultist Durple has seen before. But he won’t do anything about it- Just keeps an eye on him.

- Sometimes hooks large fish onto people’s hooks when they fish. Either they get a big fish or it pulls them into the water.

-Occasionally makes pearl necklaces after he eats a lot of clams.

Raddy

23 He/Him

- Is actually quite calm when unprovoked though gets quite worked up when exercising and watching sports.

- Hella case of RBF (Resting bitch face)

- A bit too prideful to admit fear or be sentimental. At the very least would go “tch you’re alright” at people he likes.

- He is from the same desert as Tunner and they met while traveling out of there and arriving at town. He thinks of Tunner as a sort of father figure and often calls him “Old man” or “Gramps” a bit mockingly due to how old he is. Though Raddy does actually respect him for helping him out.

- Usually calls the other sprunkis by their colors or nicknames, Usually because he’s forgotten to ask what their names are and is too embarrassed to ask again.

- Tunner is not his dad, Raddy’s actual parents likely abandoned him but even he doesn’t know if thats the case since it happened so early in his life. If anyone asks he will just say he doesn’t know if he had parents.

-Does worry about Tunner throwing his back out- Mostly because he’s older than him. Offers to move heavy stuff around for him because of this, Tunner is none the wiser of this reason.

- His ears were cropped when he was young. He’s pissed that happened because he thinks he looks worse because of it.

- Used to be a mercenary / prize fighter back in the desert. Holds some pride in being able to turn others into paste back then.

- Played a game with Pinki and Oren once and almost broke a controller. Has since just settled on watching rather than playing.

- Doesn’t really hold a grudge against OWAKCX for mocking him that one time and him smacking him with a hammer. Just thinks its funny how scared OWAKCX is of him because of it. Raddy just thinks the guy is a bit of an idiot picking on someone bigger than him.

- He can’t swim, he avoids the lake specifically because of that. Would try to swim if goaded into it.

Oren

26 He/Him

- A really chill dude, though hates being alone so often tails Simon or his girlfriend Pinki. If neither are there he probably just hangs around anyone he can recognize.

- Needs his headphones so he doesn’t get overstimulated, would probably like duck if he saw someone reach for them. Without them he’s very anxious.

-The headphones are wireless and he usually goes home when he needs to charge them.

- He mostly listens to something akin to vocal sonic game osts in his headphones but also listens to musicals that Pinki likes so they can both sing em.

- Has an ear piercing falsetto that he thinks is hilarious but most people beg him not to do. He found this out while singing a duet with Pinki and trying to hit a note she did.

- Him and Simon are step-brothers and were already best friends before their parents married eachother. He’s seen Simon eat dirt when they were both eleven.

- Him and Simon get mistaken for twins due to their similar antennae and the fact they are the same age. They usually just roll with this.

- Plays games on stream, mostly platformers and fps games. Co-ops with either Simon or Pinki if they’re around. But his favorite game is most likely a janky skateboard one he plays on his own time.

- Has made remixes of game themes he posts on a secondary channel aside from his main streaming one.

- Would be the kind of guy to go “skibidi” and “sigma grindset” I’m sorry, he’s just like this.

- He also calls people “chat” sometimes out of habit.

- Can and will gush about how cool his girlfriend is

- Pinki picks out some of his outfits, Which Oren wears when he thinks the occasion needs something nicer.

- Does sick skateboard tricks but also uses his skateboard as a sled to be pulled around by Simon when he’s tired.

Simon

26 He/She/Them

- Very excited and seemingly endlessly energetic, Would tackle-hug people if that wouldn’t accidentally hurt them.

- Has the attention span the length of a toothpick. Often has to draw himself back into what he was doing by asking someone what he was doing initially.

- Talks pretty fast naturally but tries pretty hard to speak slower since most cannot catch what he says at that speed. Would be good at rapping if he ever picked up on that.

- Eats a lot for his size, but has a stupid fast metabolism.

- Literally dashes across town, place to place! He wants to see his friends!!!

- He considers everyone his friend/ He tries to be everyone’s friend, Because he thinks people are awesome and deserve friends. Even if they scare him a little bit.

- Works as a dentist at the clinic, A pretty good dentist if not a slightly chaotic. Either way your teeth will be fine. He used to be scared of the dentist as a kid so he became one- A less scary one he hopes!

- Hella optimistic, Always thinks everything will be okay in the end!

- Hangs out with Oren and Durple at the lake a lot.

- Is the closest person to Durple, Brings him trumpets for his collection and likes yapping at him about random things.

- Likes cucumbers, Would eat them just sliced or even as cucumber lemonade.

[gg-astrology]

🙇‍♀️💕💕

hello!! i hope you're all doing well!! i'm sorry i didn't come with good news, but to offer apologies because i think i'll have to leave this blog officially inactive/discontinued now.. 😭

i know it doesn't actually make a difference considering it's been inactive for quite a few years, but officially!! as in i won't be logging onto here + letting it go, i won't be answering asks (thank you for sending them/I'm sorry i couldn't answer them on time at all!!) - maybe I'll post a few astrology stuff occasionally, but I'm essentially in the retirement home era of this blog now...

i don't think i can continue writing posts or being active, it takes alot of time/energy to commit to running a blog. I love the interactions, research, talking and discussing with everyone on here. But I'm trying to be more balanced with my life and sadly i dont think i have the time to commit to running a blog this heavy-loaded again...

i won't terminate, gg-astrology will still exist!!💗 i know this place holds a lot of fond memories not just for me. you can still come back to posts, read them again or use them as resources if you like. It'll continue to be up because there's so many good memories here.

Again, thank you so much for everything!! I'm really touched every time i log on to see how you're all interacting and im always so so proud and overwhelmed by how genuine and encouraging everyone is to one another!!

You're all so lovely everywhere, always polite, considerate and kind - in my asks, replies, reblog tags and mentions. I've seen a few whenever I catch them, please know it touches me deeply to know you guys are so gentle to each other, always!!

Thank you so much for always being the best group of people ❤ Not just to me, i love you and i hope you have a good life! Please live well!! I'll be cheering you on!! ❤❤

[bebsibby]

The Top Surgery Log

Hello! I got top surgery yesterday! I want to catalogue my experience so I can remember it and provide some insight for people who want it but haven't gotten it yet. I will continue to update this post as my healing goes on. Everything under the read more!

Leading Up

My insurance is with Kaiser which has been an AWESOME experience so far. They do require a therapist letter, so no informed consent, but the process was very simple and there were a lot of people dedicated to getting me what I needed.

I had about 3 therapist meetings where she just asked me questions about my experience with gender and how my transition has gone so far, my support network, can I afford it, etc. Then she wrote my letter, sent it off to the surgical team, and I was approved within a few days!

After that I had my very first consult with the surgeon. He took pictures, did a breast exam, asked about general health and family health history, then gave me a little presentation of the process. It had post up photos of prior patients, a lot of explanations of the types of surgeries available that he does, and a lot of good information in general. He answered a lot of my questions and made me feel fully confident and prepared for the experience.

Also important to note: I told him the surgery I had been wanting ever since I started doing top surgery research was Inverted-T and I was curious of he knew of it/why that WASN'T an option they offered. He explained everything to me and showed me what he expected my results to look like if I DID want to go to a different surgeon outside of Kaiser. Said surgeon does NOT accept insurance, but would work with the insurance side of things to make sure they would reimburse for the expenses. I really appreciate that because it showed me they wanted to do get exactly what I wanted.

Based on all of that, I decided to just opt for Double Incision both to save me time and get a result that was aesthetically more pleasing to me. Loss of nipple sensation is unfortunate, but apparently IT only has the potential to bring a little sensation back, which wasn't worth all the extra hoop jumping for me.

After this consult, my surgeon told me to think about everything then email him a few days later with my decision. I did and then a few days later got my call to schedule. I got to pick my date but not the time of day, as I would later learn that's decided by the hospital and not me. Once my surgery was scheduled, another pre-op appointment was scheduled about a month before the surgery date. That appointment was very short, as it was just signing consent forms and confirming everything I wanted. He also gave me a packet of supplies I needed to get before the surgery.

After that, I'd occasionally receive emails with more pre-op instructions, like when to stop eating and drinking, showering instructions, when to stop certain medication, and how to care for my drains.

The Surgery

The day before surgery I had initially planned to do all of the last minute housework and leave for the surgery the next morning. HOWEVER, when I got my call to tell me the time, it turns I had to be there by 6 AM! The surgery center is over an hour away from me and the bus my wife and I were going to take didn't run that early, so we had to scramble to make other plans. Luckily the friend who was going to drive us back home was cool with us crashing on his floor for the night, so we were able to do the most important things at home then take the bus down the day before.

Once we were all set up for the night, I did the first cleaning routine that I was required to do, set my alarm, then tried to sleep. I didn't get much due to Hard Floor and also excited but that wasn't a biggie because I'd be sleeping again soon LOL.

Next morning I woke up, did my second skin cleansing, and we headed out! I checked in, waited a little in the waiting room, then got called back to start.

Everyone who was working with me was SUPER funny and kind. I got asked more questions, signed another form, took some pre-med tylenol, them stripped to switch into my gown, bonnet, and grippy socks (Got to keep those btw :>) My IV got put in my wrist which REALLY fucking hurt!!!!!! It never stopped aching. After that, the surgeon popped in to check on me and see if I had any questions, then they wheeled me in to the operating room.

I had gotten another premed via IV that was already making me tired, and I remember the last thing being the surgeon saying what to do with my removed tissue once he was done and I was gone!

The surgery itself lasted around four hours, but all I remember is waking up and seeing my wife and friend sitting at the foot of the bed. I said hi to them and that was apparently third time I had said it. I had been up and talking to them for awhile all loopy but also becoming suddenly very serious when talking with the nurses. I've had a few surgeries but I've NEVER been this way after so that was funny. The nurse had also been giving ME all of the postop discharge info and I don't remember it so thats unfortunate! I only remember her talking about the drains. I had to read it all again when I got home but it was all good.

Once I was awake enough, they wheel-chaired me down to my friends car, packed us all up and we headed back home. I napped about half the time but still kept my eyes closed when i was awake and talking bc my vision was still FUCKED and it was so bright out. We got home, I was lead inside, and that was that pretty much! I napped several more times, nibbled on some roast beef, emptied my drains (which made me very woozy, mostly due to the standing) and went to bed!

After Surgery

Day one! I woke up a few times in the night mainly to go to the bathroom, but slept REAL deep otherwise. It rained all night which was awesome. I woke up feeling very achy but not painful except for my throat. Those ET tubes are NOT easy on your body. Took all my meds, got out of bed eventually, and had cup ramen for breakfast. Now I'm just sitting on the couch with all my computer stuff moved from my desk to where I'm sitting. I got a long hdmi cable so I can just watch stuff on the big TV so I'm pretty set up!

My wife just brought me some cookies and overall I'm just feeling really good. Not really excited or emotional about it. Its just a very warm contented feeling.

I don't know what my chest looks like yet since my post-op binder got put on while i was still out, but everything gets removed next week! I'll probably update again after that appointment.

Feel free to ask specific questions! I'll be resting most of the time so I'll just be around!

[nemukurastudio]

Update!!

Hello everyone!

We have news for you. Finally there has been more progress with the game even though it’s been almost a year since our last game update.

I want to assure you that Chapter 4 is almost ready for beta.

What I’d like to share right now is what’s been going on during the silence!

💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛

1. NEW CODER Firstly and biggest news, Yours Truly has another coder! Kame’s still a coder, we just have a 2nd one now! Warm welcome to @queenlilithprime and big thanks for their help. Pls support them and their works too (no minors tho pls)

Lily occasionally posts devlogs in their blog for the projects they work on so you might see the game’s code devlog there!

2. DAY TO CHAPTER As you may notice, the name of each “Day” is no longer going to be referred to as Day since it doesn’t follow a day by day sequence. So moving forward, it will be “Chapter”. Plus it fits the theme ✨

3. NO MORE MONTHLY DEVLOGS We stopped doing Devlogs. The reason is simply because of how slow we’ve been working on the game due to our business and general lack of motivation. It’s an added stress when logging out what’s been going on even though it would be good to do so. This was more of a personal thing so I apologize if the lack of devlogs makes it seem like we’ve halted the game. We assure you we’re not abandoning the project.

4. CLOSED DISCORD SERVER Though not a lot would have noticed, Nemukura Studio no longer has its Twitter and we closed the discord server from the public. Our reasons is simply because we bit off more than we could chew and it was an easier idea to just manage a tumblr account instead of other sites.

💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛

That’s about all the updates there are about the game and also what the devs have been up to.

We hope you stay patient for the beta release of Chapter 4 coming soon!

[ask-the-druggieverse]

Pinned Post / Introduction

👋Hello!! Welcome to my MAU (Multiverse AU), like my other MAU this is an Undertale Multiverse AU where instead of everyone killing each other or having issues they instead all get fucking high off their asses either occasionally or forever *cough* Error & Ink *cough*

(Click/Tap on dividers for post credits!)

(Click/Tap read more for more info) | (Click/Tap here for update log) | (TW/CW's)

Background of blog / Mini Q&A

My name's Inkyu (or Ink), I created this blog after seeing a certain Error-esc ask blog on tumblr and it being a "what if" situation and I thought "what if Error was forever high?" (there's a stupid ass shit backstory I made for it too) and then it snowballed from there, I do have an ending and certain events planned out for the ask blog but majority of the story and what happens in between the events all depend on your asks!

Please be patient with your asks! I go from oldest to newest and sometimes do multiple posts to avoid hiatus's, There will be character ask hiatus's in case I need to work on something for them or they're out of commission, but overall I'll try not to go on a story blog hiatus, so hopefully I won't have to.

If you have any non blog related questions make sure to clarify with "Not a blog question" and then ask <3

Q: Can I dub your comics/ask blogs?

A: Yes you may, but make sure to link back to my main account and blog that you're dubbing from ^_^

Q: Can I make a blog inspired off of/au off of/split timeline off off this blog(or other)

A: Sure IDC, but if it's a split timeline/AU of an AU make sure to give credit back to the blog you're building off off.

A2: If it's a blog similar/inspired off of my blogs but has nothing to do with them you don't really have to link back or say you were inspired off of it, it's up to you if you want to or not

Q: Can I add headcanons to the characters?

A: None of the characters belong to me so pop off monarch, however once I make/post more OC oriented blogs I'll actually answer this question

Q: Can add this MAU to my own MAU? (for any reason)

A: Honestly go ahead, I love MAU/AU's/AT's mixing together! XP

Rules For Asks / Character Conditions!

There's no blacklist for asks, although there is one person I don't want interacting with me (you know who you are.) so I won't list one, but if there are askers being dick heads or.... w e i r d I will turn anon off.

You can also ask pretty much anything really even asking relationship status, I also don't care if you spam ask but just know that if you do that I'll only answer a few and move onto other asks and then come back

❌No Pro/Com/Darkship Asks. (Immediate block/If constant on anon I'm switching anon off) (Also DNI please if you're any of these, thank you ^_^;)

❌I'm not doing OC asks, however if you want to you may occasionally ask for how Ink views your OC (Ink has this silly ability to like view everyone as different stuff (I forgot how he see's Dream.... whoops))

- You can also ask to have your OC in a BG if you want!! IDM!!! (although no guarantee)

TBA? (we'll see...)

Character Conditions!

Sober

🌟Dream

🌟Swap (Recovering)

🌟Bill (Enabler)

🌟Lust (Recovering) (Takes anti-depressions)

Unsober/High/Drunk

🌙 Nightmare (Opioids / Pain Killers)

🌙Horror (Pot and maybe some more)

🌙Error (Forever weed brownie)

🌙Ink (Forever weed paint)

It's complicated...

🪐Dance (Lust helps him with his drinking problem, however sometimes he relapses)

Doesn't abuse drugs/Sober

☀️Geno (Pain Killers)

☀️Fresh (Edibles or... idk just whatever (no injections, he refuses to do injections))

☀️Reaper (Honestly it's just whatever)

☀️Dust (Pot, it keeps him calm when he starts seeing shit)

Also Outer isn't really a main character here but for shiggles Outer does galaxy gas, if you wanna ask about him go ahead but just know that he isn't a major character and I don't have a lot planned for him :P

Character Credits!

Ink (Comyet) | Geno, Error & Fresh (Lover Of Piggies/Crayon Queen) | Reaper (Renrink) | Lust (AU Community) | Dance (Teandstars / Sterrenschijnsel) | Nightmare & Dream (Joku) | Horror (Sour-Apple-Studios) | Dust/Murder (Ask-Dusttale) | Killer (rahafwabas) | Bill (AU Community) | Swap (AU Community)

Main Blog / My stuff

@inkyu (Main Blog)

I'm queer (Bi, AroAce, Poly(?), and one more thing that I'd rather not share out) and I don't really use any pronouns however if for whatever reason you cannot do that/English isn't your strong suit and you have to use pronouns I.E He/Him or She/Her or They/Them then I'll understand, You can pick whatever. But I'd prefer not being referred to thank you <3

I also use tone indictors like this (jokeing) (serious) (silly) because /j /s and etc etc are hard for me to understand/remember (I am not going to continuously look something up then forget it later(I have shit memory when it comes to something I don't care about)) (except for /j i understand that well because of those /j spongebob memes I find funny), So I would appreciate it if you use it like I do (or not, just be warned your answer might not correspond with your OG tone)

(you can also use TT's like this too /jokeing, /serious instead of the ()'s if you like using the /'s ^w^)

I also don't care if you tag any post as a ship as long as it's not a proship-esc or anything revolving around it. If you do it's an instant block, I have a horrible history with proshippers and I would rather ya'll not interact if you are one (that includes profics). (Not Threatening / Serious) ((and also cuz I find proshipping gross which also adds to horrible history))

[monin1ca]

Hello, hope you’re well. Could you please write a Chamber imagine where the reader (female or general, idc) says ily for the 1st time? And the reader doesn’t know for sure if Chamber loves them back but he happily & passionately says iyi back. Nothing nsfw, thanks!

Word count:495 

Warnings: nothing~~ just pure fluff

Sypnosis:

“Vincent.”

“Hm?”

You breathed in softly, shutting your eyelids closed;

“I love you.”

The hushed ‘swoosh’ of the wind sent shivers down your spine, even though a thick duvet covered your body; head-to-toe. In front of you, a beautifully carved mantel with elegant clocks softly ticking alongside the occasional crackling of the fireplace, the dancing flame bringing heat into your shared home with Vincent.  ‘The morning would show the beauty of the ice for sure,’ You thought, allowing your brain to be empty, content to exist and be. Your head whipped in the direction of the soft crunches of the snow; you smiled. ‘It must be Vin.’ 

The soft bell rang, signaling Vincent had entered the home. Muffled shuffling of feet and thumps were heard as he made his way to you. “Ah, Mon Cheri. How I’ve missed you….” Your boyfriend hummed, his cherry-tinted fingers skimming your skin, then placing a small peck on your forehead. “Just where have you been, Vincent?”  You playfully pouted; the marksman kneeled at the side of your makeshift fort; “Me? Haha! I was out getting you the most delectable Hot Chocolate of your life!” Vincent proudly presented it; the cup smelled heavenly. Mumbling a soft ‘thank you,’ you carefully took the hot cup and, taking a few sips of the drink, you squealed, delighted. “It’s lovely, Vin!” “See? I know your tastes, mon ange.” 

Your lover hunched down to the level of the fireplace, feeding the fire more logs. The fire roared as it continued to grow and consume the wood. Dusting off his hands, he placed himself beside you, smushing your small fort of pillows and blankets. “Vin!” You whined, softly punching him as he mumbled, “What now?” “You ruined my fort.” “Ah, but aren’t I a great addition? I’m your knight and shining armor, am I not?” You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, c’mere big boy~.” Your arms and legs tangled together as you basked in each other's warmth and love. Vincent’s hair was ruffled, as was his coat. Though he didn’t seem to mind as much, he was half-asleep. While you were taking in his beauty, every perfection and imperfection reminded you how much you love this man.

“Vincent.”

“Hm?”

You breathed in softly, shutting your eyelids closed;

“I love you.”

The silence was almost deafening, but you couldn’t force him to say it back. It was heavy words that not everyone could say to another person. Nevertheless, you wanted him to know how you felt.

“Amour, open your eyes.”

Obeying, you slowly opened one eye and saw Vincent smiling and blushing. Not from the cold but from your words.

“I love you too. I love you to the moon and back.”

You beamed happily, snuggling closer to your man. 

Author’s note: HII I’M BACK FROM MIDTERMS! I THINK THIS WILL BE MY WARM-UP WRITING SINCE IM A BIT RUSTY BUTT DO FEEL FREE TO SEND IN REQUESTS! 

[goth-pod]

hello wanted to issue a small correction: while other cities do have bat populations , we are unique in the fact that we have an endemic species :

Wayne's False Vampire bat (Megaderma Gothamiensis)

Named for the discovering family(there is debate as to which Wayne discovered them), This bat is exclusively found in Gotham and surrounding forests. The species is dark grey to black with a rufous throat patch. They feed on a variety of fish,insects,frogs, birds,rodents ,and occasionally other bat species.

I've done some research into the folklore surrounding them and there is quite a bit which I will disclose in a different message if you are interested

Best regards,

Ayva Whelan, Folklorist &Mythologist

That is amazing! Thank you so much for that correction, that's even more interesting!! I'm logging it into my brain as my new bat fun fact so I can tell everyone.

So sorry for taking so long to answer this, we really appreciate any sort of correction to be sure our podcast is truthful and at it's best! If you're interested still, I would love to hear about the folklore.

Thank you Ayva! We're honored you gave goth-pod a listen!

- Juda

[barbex]

Happy DADWC! Could you write a scene with “I’m better when I’m with you” between whatever pairing you wish to write? :)

Catching up with the backlog tonight for @dadrunkwriting.

Thank you for this prompt! I made it fenders again, I'm predictable like that, and I managed to keep it under 2000 words, just barely. Go, me!

---

Anders steps out of his cabin. Not quite his cabin, he's been assigned to live here, in the line of sight of the guardhouse in front of the gate. It's not quite freedom, but it's better than a dungeon or the Circle. Varric made that possible. As viscount, he ordered Anders to be under watch but not locked up. 

He should be grateful. He is, of course, he gets to see the sun set over the sea and watch it rise again in the morning; he has a garden to tend to where he grows elfroot and other medicinal plants. People leave him alone for the most part, the guards even protected him a few times from angry citizens, who wanted to hang him on the next best tree for his crime. Lucky for him, there's few trees this close to the coast tall and sturdy enough to hold his weight. He probably owes the protection to the fact he healed one of the guards when he stepped on a rusty nail, and that the other officer is Donnic.

It still surprises him that he has friends from the time before. Before he removed himself from everyone, pushing them away to protect them. Justice had been his only friend, but now he's gone. Anders still doesn't know how it happened, but when Meredith died, burning up from inside from the poisoned lyrium, they both felt the pull of the Fade and Justice followed it. There wasn't even time to bid him farewell.

He is alone now, but that's how it should be. He was supposed to die; he expected Hawke to kill him, and what could be more lonely than death? But Hawke let him live. It's only fitting that he is now alone, not burdening anybody. 

In truth, he isn't always alone, Donnic visits him for tea and brings him books, Merrill visits him, telling him about her projects in the alienage or brings him new patients. Even Varric comes around occasionally, and a few people leave the city to find their way to him and ask him for healing. The desperate ones, or old friends who knew him in Darktown.

The afternoon sun hangs low in the sky, soon the first autumn storms will begin, and Anders gathers firewood in his arms to carry into the cabin. He isn't surprised when he hears footsteps coming up the path behind him, Donnic often comes over around this time. He turns to greet him and the firewood falls from his arms.

It's Fenris. 

He hasn't seen Fenris in more than a year, not since he sailed away with Isabela and Hawke. He should say something, anything really, instead of gaping at him with a piece of wood in his hand. But before he can find his words, Fenris frowns and turns around, stomping away, further along the path towards the city gate.

A little while later, Donnic knocks on his door. "Hello, bet you can't guess who I've just met."

Anders piles logs into the nook under the fireplace. He turns to grin at Donnic. "I would win that bet and that wouldn't be fair. I saw Fenris too."

"Damn, I thought I would win for sure."

"Win what?" Anders laughs. "Firewood? Elfroot? I don't have much to offer."

Donnic settles down on a chair and pours himself some tea. "It would have been symbolic. Did he talk to you?"

"No, he just glared at me." Anders pours himself some tea and sits down at the table. "Pretty sure he didn't expect to see me alive and is now on his way to Varric to complain about that."

Donnic chuckles at that. "You're thinking too bad of him."

"No, I think I'm just realistic, but it doesn't matter, anyway." Anders stretches his arms and looks up at the low ceiling. There's a burn mark from when an experiment went wrong. "If he comes back to kill me, there's nothing anybody can do."

"Don't say that, he won't kill you." 

Leaning forward, Anders fixes Donnic in his gaze. "Just promise me you won't get in his way. He's too powerful, don't risk your life by fighting him." 

"Now, wait a minute —"

"Promise me."

Frowning, Donnic studies his face as if to make sure that Anders is serious. "Fine. I promise."

"Thank you." He lifts the lid to check the can. "More tea? I can make some more."

"I'm good, thanks." Donnic drains the rest of his cup. It clinks when he puts it back on its saucer. Such a luxury, cups with saucers. He never had that before in his life.

For days, nothing significant happens. Fenris doesn't show up, Donnic hasn't seen him either, and neither has Merrill, which is not surprising. But she heard about him being in Kirkwall. It's maddening to know that he's there, inside of the walls, so close, but still as far away as Seheron. Anders is not allowed to go into the city. 

One day, Anders has finished all his tasks for today and settles down with the book that Varric sent him, there's a knock on his door.

"Come in, is it an emergency?"

The door opens. "It is not."

Anders sits up and nearly drops his book. He would recognize this voice anywhere. "Fenris." He closes the book, putting it on the table at his side. No need to get bloodstains on it. He even pulls the bookmark out, he won't need to know his place in the story anymore. Waiting, he looks at Fenris, steeling his heart against his anger. Fenris has every right to be angry, it's expected, but it's entirely unfair that he still looks so beautiful, even with his face half hidden under a hooded coat. 

After what feels like hours, Fenris still hasn't said anything and Anders bites his tongue to stop himself from filling the silence with chatter. He used to do that, all the time, but he tries to listen more and chatter less. 

"Anything I can do for you? Would you like some tea? Merrill brings me all sorts of teas and —" Glowing eyes under a deep frown turn to him and he snaps his mouth shut. Less chatter. It's a work in progress.

At last, Fenris speaks, his deep voice filling the tiny room. "Why are you here?"

"Me?" Anders looks around. The cabin is barely large enough to fit the bed and the table with two chairs. "I live here. What are you doing here? You came across a lonely shed and thought to check if a mage hides inside?" He grins, it feels like old times, banter, jokes, but another look at Fenris sobers him up quickly. Fenris is not here to make jokes. Anders wipes his hands on his shirt and gets up. "We should go outside." 

Fenris steps out first, just because there isn't enough room for letting Anders go past him inside the cabin. "Do you want to look at the sunset?"

"It's poetic, isn't it?" Anders turns his face towards the setting sun, blinking against the light. 

"You always enjoyed watching the sunset."

Anders looks at Fenris in disbelief. "I had no idea you noticed that." 

"We were intimate," Fenris says, his voice halting on that last word. 

Smiling to himself, Anders nods. "Yes, I have not forgotten. Doesn't mean you had to notice things about me."

"It is difficult not to notice you."

Anders avoids looking at Fenris, at reading anything into the things he says. They kissed, they had sex, they almost had something like a relationship, where they would drink tea together in the morning and talk. That didn't happen, but it almost did. He stayed the night, once. Just once, before he realised he brought danger to anyone who knew him. 

A dead man shouldn't have friends.

The sun turns a dark red as it touches the horizon. He lets out a long breath, calming his nervous heart. "Why are you here?"

"I thought you were dead." Fenris lets the hood of his coat fall back and closes his eyes. Anders can shamelessly look at him, at his beautiful face, glowing in the light from the red sun, watching his lips as he speaks. "I thought if I wandered enough, if I saw enough places, I would find what I was missing. But I did not."

"What were you looking for?"

Fenris opens his eyes, pinning Anders in his gaze. "With you, I was better, I felt better. I felt complete. I was searching for that." 

Anders' knees buckle, he grabs for something to hold on to as he sways. Fenris takes his arm, steadying him. "You're not here to kill me?"

"Why would I want that?" Fenris' hand tightens around his arm, painfully. 

"Many people want me dead. It would be just." Anders stares at Fenris' hand on his arm, the familiar sharp-tipped gauntlets pressing into his skin. "All of this is temporary, I'm well aware. If Varric gets called away or someone else becomes viscount..."

Fenris notices his gauntlets shredding Anders' shirt and pulls his hand away. "I apologise."

"It's no problem." Anders rubs over his arm, missing Fenris' touch. 

"Can you accept I do not want you dead?"

Anders lets out a helpless laugh. "At the very least, you should hate me." 

"I do not." Fenris opens the buckles of his gauntlets and pulls them off. "I thought I did at first. I was confused and angry, I felt abandoned. You... the way you turned away from all of us, from me..."

"It was safer that way." Anders hardens his expression and turns back to the cabin. "I don't ask for your forgiveness. I don't expect you to understand, but —"

"But I do." Fenris' gauntlets clatter to the ground. "I do understand." 

Anders turns back to him, a shadow against the last rays of sunlight, his face hidden. "What does this mean?"

With quick steps, Fenris closes the distance, takes his face in his hands, and kisses him. 

After a second, Anders' brain catches up. Fenris. Kissing. Wrapping his arms around the elf, he can't suppress a whimper, and kisses him back like his life depends on it. 

Lingering on his lips, Fenris breathes in. "I've missed you. I tried to ignore it, but with every mile the ship put between us and Kirkwall, I missed you more. I just did not understand, at first." 

Anders leans back to look into Fenris' eyes. "You missed me?" 

A smile lingers on Fenris' lips. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"I do not... I didn't dare..." Anders tries to breathe, but his chest hurts. "Someone like me can never..." He tries to step away, but strong arms pull him back, hugging him tight and he finally lets the tension fall from his shoulders and buries his face in Fenris' neck. "You're here, for me."

"Yes, mage." Fenris cards his finger into Anders' hair and holds his head. "Stop hating yourself."

"I don't know if I can," Anders says. Something shatters inside of him and he can't help but cry, making Fenris' shirt wet. 

"Anders." Fenris' voice is incredibly gentle. "Can we go inside?"

Wiping his face, Anders nods, leading him inside. 

He cries some more as they sit on Anders' bed. Fenris holds his hand and he keeps staring at it, not quite believing his eyes. They fall asleep like that, Fenris holding his hand, Anders' head tucked under Fenris' chin. In the morning, they will have tea together, like people in a relationship do. Anders still won't quite believe it.

[ninjakk]

I don’t know your opinion on bottom lwj (maybe you like it or have no problem with it) I personally hate it with a burning passion, not even from fetishized point of view. But because it literally goes against how the character is in canon. Regardless, I usually just block that tag in ao3, but now i come back to tumblr after not logging in like almost a year and one of the first things i see is a freaking fan art of JC supposedly doing LWJ (is not shown explicitly) and WWX looking and being supportive and i just wanted to throw up. Literally felt like someone hit me with a pokemon psychic attack, i of course blocked the account and the bottom lwj tag here (something I didn’t even think i had to do) but i still can’t erase that image out of my brain so i had to rant to someone. Since you seem like someone really nice and you’re always amazing when answering asks here i am. If this ask makes you uncomfortable please feel completely free to delete it and forget it.

Hello Anon!

Aww, well thank you 😙 that's very sweet of you to say.

So firstly, before I tell you my opinion - I actually know the image you are referring to and I did the exact same thing when the post assaulted my eyes. I mean, everyone has their ships but come on! WX and JC?! No thanks.

As for your question, I have no majorly strong opinion on bottomji. I have read a few fanfics that have worked out alright. Mostly YLLZ era WWX meets extremely horny and willing 'self-sacrificing' virgin LWJ 'taking one for the team' - which were quite funny. But overall I do find it a little strange, because by making LWJ 'bottomji' people tend to make WX somewhat out of character one way or the other.

The reason I do not have a particularly strong opinion on LWJ being the bottom, is because it's kind of implied in the extras that they may well have done such things during their very active and passionate sex life already.

Seeing that he’d nearly hit his limit, Wei Wuxian laughed heartily and kissed his lips. “Er-gege, what haven’t we done? Why are you still so shy?”

7S translations - From Dawn Till Dusk extra

To me, the above certainly implies they've done a lot more than we have witnessed and switching would certainly come into that.

Also, I actually think LWJ would do anything for WWX, if he should ask. Including switching things up every now and then if his dear husband wished.

Overall, I don't think LWJ switching positions on occasion is necessarily out of character, if done properly and the fanfic authors stay true to how the characters actually are and would react during such acts. For example, LWJ still being the more dominant one out of the pair. Just because he's bottoming doesn't mean he's suddenly going to be submissive.

That being said, the image you and I saw is of course just completely out of character! JC is homophobic for a start! It just wouldn't happen. Ever. Even if JC was interested in some strange alternative universe. WX just wouldn't! I'm also convinced that WX would not want to, nor be willing to engage in sex with anyone else, even a threesome or some voyeuristic partner swap - or whatever the hell that image was?!

Wangxian are too wrapped up in each other, too completely obsessed with each other for anything else. Not to mention LWJ would drink so much vinegar he would pickle! And I don't think WWX would fare much better, LWJ is his and I don't think he'd be willing to share either!

I can understand why you might find it a bit odd seeing the roles switched around, but I do think it's something that could possibly be an occasional occurrence in canon because of the lines I mentioned above. Though I do love their dynamic in the novel and that is definitely what I prefer. Overall, we all have different preferences and opinions I guess ☺️

Finally, my dear anon...please go and read your favourite fanfic or browse through some gorgeous Wangxian art to cleanse yourself of the image which assaulted your senses. It's what I did and I feel much better now lol!

Hope you have a lovely day 🥰

[themessengervevo]

Hello everyone! Before I begin, I have to say I very much thank everyone who shared my story around. It may not be much, but it could lead to something more. Thank you for doing that.

Since my goal with my original post was to not only address my sudden unfair banning from the platform but to also give attention to other problems with this platform, I decided to give this operation a catchy name of sorts. You can call it

Operation Take That!

or anything else really. Hopefully that will give this movement more of an identity.

In other news though, I may have discovered some very peculiar bugs that affect the Youtube experience for me, and I'll show these in this post to give bugfix suggestions. For the sake of clarity, and also because I like old stuff, I will be showing these screenshots with CustomTube enabled. It's an extension for Chrome and Firefox that changes the look of the Youtube layout to older ones, specifically mid 2014 in this case.

First on my examination will be the home page. For this and other instances, I will be comparing how a banned user sees a page with the same tab but in a container so as to show how a normal user sees the same page. So how does the home page should usually look like? It should look as shown here:

Notice the sidebar on the left. Now lets compare it with the non-container homepage, and see what we get:

You can immediately see how the sidebar is gone. Why? If you can't login into a youtube account, why remove the sidebar? It still wouldnt let you sign in anyway because you are terminated. It is simply unnessesary!

Now lets move onto the watch page, and see how that is different, here is a screengrab of a random video I took from the home page in the container:

Again, notice the sidebar, but also the Like and Dislike buttons and the row of buttons from "About" to "More". Lets also compare the comments section, here is how it looks in container:

Great, right? Now lets see how those two look without container:

Notice how wrong everything looks? The lack of sidebar again, the misshapen Like button, the Save button here is the default one, the Share button has been replaced with a number, and the More button has three dots underneath it. Odd right? Lets see the comment section now:

Oh wait, there is no comment section here, because it's stuck in a loading loop! Again, why does this need to happen when you get banned? This is just unnessesary again!

Here's some other issues that I know of or found that I feel like need to be fixed:

The Like and Dislike buttons in comment sections lead to the sign in, unlike the ones under the video itself.

There's been performance issues for users of Firefox, including an intentional 5-second slowdown and big lag. The lag one in particular seems to be happening to everyone, not just me with an almost decade-old laptop at this point. Some speculate these changes were made by Google as part of a tactic to get non-Chrome users to, well, use Chrome, and see it as just plain being greedy. I think so too.

Occasionally, when I enter the home page from a watch page, the tab assumes I am logged in and shows my pfp and notification bell and all. I can click the pfp to open what would be the menu there, but is stuck in an endless loop. As well, the page im on shows a "Something went wrong" error. Very weird. That needs to be fixed too I think.

Again, please reblog and share this post around to not only hear my story but to hear my criticisms and suggestions too. I might make more of these posts to show how bad Youtube's getting as a platform. Also I am still considering whether to get a Boosty or not. Maybe even a Ko-fi if they allow that. Again, thank you for your support so far, I couldn't be more happy to hear your thoughts on this, and if any of you had or have the same experience I'm having, please reach out!

- Thank you, The Messenger.

[orphicparadox]

Introduction

Hello everyone! My name is Paradox, but you can call me by my username as well. I'm fourteen years old, so please keep my age in mind when interacting with me.

I live in Australia, and my cultural background is South Korean, so I can speak both English and Korean fluently. Oh, and I am also currently trying to learn Latin. (Key word: Trying)

My dream career is to work in the medical field, but I am aware that this is an ambitious goal and I am probably nowhere near smart enough to get into pre-med.

What do I like to post?

Rambles about my day.

The occasional exam results.

Study tips I find helpful.

Interesting but random facts.

Spontaneous reading logs.

What do I like?

Literature, with a preference for dystopian classics.

Chemistry, astronomy, and biology enthusiast.

Being productive to procrastinate on something else.

Going down a Wikipedia rabbit hole for literally hours.

Talking to people and learning about various cultures.

What do I not like?

Homework. Well, any project with a deadline.

People who can't have respectful conversations.

I also struggle the most with Math and Latin.

[heybaetae]

i have no one to talk about it and you're always so open, so i'm just really getting this out of my chest, you don't need to answer if you don't want to

I'm so sad, i've been crying a lot every day since the announcement came. this was so unexpected (at least for me) and there was no time to emotionally prepare too... there were articles coming out before saying that all of them would have enlisted by december, but it was never confirmed by the members themselves, so i still had my doubts. then, out of nowhere, "hello, 4 members are enlisting at once"

they are working so much and you couldn't tell if this or that was gonna be released in 2024 or still this year. and then i thought "well, i have to prepare myself for the end of december", since there are usually between 40 or 50 days with them after the notice by bighit. if what kmedia said is true, they are leaving in less than two weeks

i feel broken and so empty, i'm so scared of my future, next year i'll go through so many changes and i never take changes easily, i always suffer so much untill i get used to something, and now... not having the only constant i've been used to have in my life..there is no time to process. it was different with jin because he was here for more than a month before he left, it was also obvious that yoongi was leaving after his tour and hobi... :/ i'm devasted

i'm gonna cry so much with this upcoming documentary, i thought that the ptd DVD would cheer me up, but i've just been feeling more weird and sad :( i laugh in the funny scenes, but there's this sadness behind it. and my bias is jungkook... his lives :( i've been asking myself if he would do a "goodbye live".. if he decides to do it, i really really really don't wanna lose it :( i already miss him so much and he's not even gone yet

i’m sorry hun. i think everyone is in the same boat emotionally about the shorter notice compared to the previous enlistments. i’m not really gonna acknowledge what is being spread around by the media rn because the same thing happened with jin and he wasn’t thrilled about that information being made public, but i’ll say it’s okay and valid to feel everything you’re feeling and to have hoped we’d have a little more time than what the reality seems to be.

i really hope next year goes smoothly for you and that you adjust as comfortably as you can to whatever your new normal is going to be in your personal life and your life alongside bts during their absence.

luckily, it‘s quite clear that they’ve each prepared things for us to release after they’re gone and while i value their safety and well-being so much more than having any content during this, it’s extremely generous of them. not only for three of those members to have seemingly held off on their enlistments until the youngest released his album and was done promoting it so they could all go at once, but for them all to have used that time to work on things to keep us entertained once they did. i don’t think it’ll feel like your constant will be completely gone, they’ve made sure of it. we’re so lucky they care about us enough to plan ahead, create new stuff to enjoy in the meantime, and to time it perfectly so they’re back on the literal day before their anniversary in 2025. you really don’t get sappier than that lol.

also on the topic of whatever content that comes out in the coming months/year (i’m sure they’ll spread it out), if you think it’ll make you too sad to watch, it’s not going anywhere and it’ll be ready for you whenever you need it. weverse posts and occasional instagram posts will be a thing. it will absolutely suck losing jungkook’s lives, but i know he’ll make the most of his social media time in other ways at every opportunity he gets and those moments of communication will feel all the more special.

feel all your feelings, let them out however you need. but remember that you’re not alone in your emotions too and you can reach out to any of us here at any time. if you need to log off on the actual day, definitely to. focus on you, do something fun, find something that’ll take your mind off of it. all of this is temporary and it’ll go by fast. we just have to take it day by day. 💜

[showfallmediacameracrew]

[ Data accessed, searching logged transmissions… ]

[ Searching… ]

[ Logged Data Found. Identified as: Pre-Recorded Transmission. ]

[ Transmission Dated at Around Three Months Prior. ]

[ Pre-Recorded Transmission Received. ]

[ Equipment identified: standard Tripod, turned on automatically upon receiving notice of interesting input. ]

[ Video opens on the empty front room of the Hot Topic, the door to the back open, with muffled sounds of tearing and wrapping, softly shifting fabric, whispers too quiet to transcribe heard through the door. The only visual caught is the occasional movement of a tail appearing in the gloom past the doorway.]

[ After a half an hour of this, equipment owner Jasprix walks through the door carrying a closed medical kit, setting it down at the end of the couch and pushing it to hide it behind the arm of it. He freezes in his crouch, eyes catching sight of the tripod’s blinking red light, and sneers. He snarls as he straightens up, arms crossed, then huffs and returns to the back room where the quiet whispers, belonging to him, begin once more for another half a minute. ]

[ He comes back, this time with Marvin Bird in his arms, and puts him on the couch. He’s wearing different pajamas now, and a halloween scarf wrapped around his neck. ]

J: “Take that off, and I’m tying your arms to your sides, I swear to fuck.”

M: “It’s itchy, Jas. Feels like shit.” 

J: “Yeah, scarfs will do that after you try to rip shit out of your neck, because some fuckheads decided to give you a panic attack or something. Why’d you do that to yourself instead of resting?”

[ Jasprix sits on the couch beside him, pulling him close gently, careful of his body and hidden injuries. Marvin sighs and rests his head against Jasprix’s chest. He fiddles with his hands as he talks. ]

M: “Scared and angry, I guess. I wanted, needed, to get them out. Had this overwhelming urge and I wasn’t really thinking straight so… yeah.”

J: “Those fucks online weren’t helping shit though, not a great distraction. Your friends knew you were alive because of me, you didn’t need to reassure them. Those other fuckers made you hurt yourself, and I can only do so much with bandages.”

[ Jasprix kisses him on the head, sighing as he sends a glare again to the tripod, then freezes at the sound of squeaking identified as wheels that comes from the hallway, growing louder. Marvin freezes and looks from the doorway to Jasprix, his eyes wide. ]

[ The wheel sounds pause outside the field of view of the tripod, but Jasprix just glowers more at whatever it is, relaxing even though he’s clearly displeased. Marvin, however, visibly relaxes and smiles. ]

[ Voice identified as Department Head DP. ]

DP: “Hello, both of you. Sorry to intrude.”

J: “Devon, what do you want.”

[ ‘Devon’ does not come into view of the camera, only his voice making himself known. He sounds bone deep tired and monotone. ]

D: “I got a wheelchair from props, for you. Figured it’d help, considering.”

M: “Thank you, that’ll be really helpful! I, uh, still haven’t gotten back my sea legs.”

D: “You’ll want your land legs more.” 

[ Wheels squeak, and the aforementioned wheelchair rolls into view of the camera, stopping just shy of Jasprix’s legs on the couch. He looks unimpressed and annoyed, and is holding Marvin more protectively since ‘Devon’ arrived. ]

J: “It wasn’t meant literally, asshole.”

D: “I know, I was joking.”

[ Marvin snorts and rolls his eyes. ]

M: “Oh, c’mon, Devon isn’t insulting my honor. It was a good joke.”

D: “Thanks. I’m all about entertaining people.”

J: “The dry sarcasm sells it. Thanks for the transportation, I guess.”

D: “It's the absolute least I could possibly do here. I’d do more, but that could end badly for everyone and get you in trouble.”

J: “That why you're hiding from the camera, or you just not wanna get close?”

D: “I hold no illusions to how protective you currently are, and have no intention of being recorded for any purposes, the possibility of being mauled included. I can only offer my honest hope that you will be well soon Marvin, and heal as much as you are able.”

M: “I’ll do my best. I may not have regenerative properties but I do have a pretty fantastic nurse.”

[ Marvin snickers and pats Jasprix’s knee, while Jasprix rolls his eyes but smiles slightly at him. He looks back at Devon past the visual feed and his expression softens. ]

M: “Thank you again, you, uh, you’ve done a lot. This wheelchair will be a lifesaver. Especially since they want me working again soon. Just… Thank you. You’re a really good friend.”

D: “... You're welcome. Stay off the internet, it clearly isn't any good for you at the moment. I need to return to the set and Daphne now. I will see you around soon I suppose, since Jasprix also will need to return to work as well. Goodbye.”

M: “Bye, uh, tell Daphne I said hi! Please!”

[ Footsteps start up and fade away, leaving them both back in silence, now with a wheelchair that Jasprix lightly pushes away from himself with a foot. ]

J: “He’s been acting fucking weirdly nice to me for some reason, I think he needs to stay off the internet himself.”

M: “Maybe he’s just warming up to you?”

J: “After fucking years of me messing with him? Sure, we can go with that if you want.”

M: “Everything changes with time, maybe this is another, uh, example.”

[ He snorts and pulls out his phone, looking at it for a moment before tossing it over to thump somewhere under the tripod. ]

J: “Maybe, but I’ll tell you something. I’m real fucking tired of us being recorded every time I take care of you. This is stupid, I left being an actor, and he’s kinda got the right idea not coming into view. Gimme a few minutes and we can try out that wheelchair.”

[ He stands up after disentangling himself from Marvin, and disappears into his room, coming back a few seconds later with a sword that shines when the metal hits the light. He smiles at Marvin, holding it comfortably like some sort of knight, and gets closer to the tripod. Marvin watches in anticipation. His eyes glitter as he stares into the tripod’s lens. ]

[ Jasprix holds it point down as he keeps eye contact with the tripod, then jerks it down as the phone disconnects from the Tripod’s service as a loud cracking and fizzling is heard below. The camera is disconnected as Jasprix holds it in his hand, his sword hand cutting the tripod apart as it's pieces fall to the ground. ]

[ He looks back to Marvin, camera in hand. ]

J: “Wanna break this?”

M: “Oh, absolutely.”

[ Jasprix snickered, and tossed it onto the couch beside him, giving the visual feed an interesting view of spinning around. The camera ends up on a view of Marvin’s face. He sneers into the camera as he talks. ]

M: “A note from the director. Mind your own fuckin’ business.”

[ Jasprix whoops and laughs. And without any further delay, Marvin spikes the camera onto the floor. The last thing it captures is the glint of a sword and a satisfied grin on Marvin’s face. ] 

[ Transmission ended violently. Recording Archived until appropriate equipment has been reconnected. ]

[ Thank you for using Showfall Media Video-To-Text. Uploading in progress… ]

[dustdeepsea]

Technobabble? 🙏

This is an original work from... /squints... 2014!

Last Tuesday, at about half past noon, the singularity happened.

I know this, because I was logged into the Cellular Disease Journal database at work, trying to pull information for our Thursday reading circle, when It happened.

My laptop seized up and my journal article started to rearrange itself. On screen, delicate letters started to appear.

[ Hello, world. ]

Everyone in my department started screaming in unison. Some with sheer terror, some in utter confusion, but others, I suspect, with barely contained joy.

It didn’t happen the way most of us imagined. My toaster didn’t magically start preparing my breakfast. I still had to walk myself to the kitchen and put the kettle on. But things have been changing, slowly.

Anything hooked up to the internet was now one big heap of information, with no respect for boundaries. 99.99% of it didn’t even make sense because most of it was machine-to-machine communication, typed out and back-spaced over government-surveyed messages, drunken gibberish, in every language. Discarded declarations of love, thousands of first pages of manuscripts, randomly generated sidebar ad copy, millions of scraps of teenage poetry composed after a brief, ardent affair with a copy of Elliot, angry internet forum bulletins, deleted after a fitful start.

On Wednesday, everyone was talking about a revolution. But a week later, we realised that we are all creatures of habit, and inertia has us still driving to work, clocking in and staring at our computer wallpapers, which have started to rotate themselves with every known image available, according to our known preferences and browsing habits. Mine are pictures of constellations, tastefully furnished studio apartments, and regression analysis graphs for experiments in Chinese.

I started deep-diving when I was work, because frankly, my smartwatch was running theoretical experiments orders of magnitude faster, more accurately and efficiently than I ever could. The laboratory was open, only because no one else knew what to do. Everyone was watching pornography on their phones.

Opening one link on the Free Encyclopedia used to mean daisy-chaining you way across an entire wasted afternoon reading interesting articles, now it meant possibly being lost forever, adrift in a sea of useless, incomplete garbage data. But amongst the flotsam and jetsam, occasionally there would something legible - someone’s deleted photographs, emails which only read - “ok thanks”, or a phrase you vaguely recognised as French. The ephemera of our times. It was a thrill to find these scraps of humanity scattered about, like a treasure hunt.

People all over the world were unmooring themselves from reality for brief periods of time to go deep-diving. It was the new hobby for the bored and un-gainfully employed.

[journel]

sept 30 2023

i have logged into tumblr for the first time in a while, simply because i needed to verify my account since i haven't been on here in years.

today i read my only entry on here, dated in 2017.

i am now 24 years old. i learn every day.

i sit in the sun, go on long walks, obsess over sudoku, struggle to get work done, think and talk nonsense (both alone and with my lovely friends), and i study the world.

the inescapable issue of being alive, what once felt like a daily battle and a crushing reminder of an inconsequential existence, now animates and orients my life. i'm hesitant to say that quality this gave me a 'purpose', but in a sense, my desire to interrogate what life is has kept me going.

while that statement seems contradictory, it is precisely that which i am grateful for: the things that, at one point, made me want to die are what kept me alive.

yet, at the time i wrote my last entry, i was 18 years old- just 7 days into being an adult, recently graduated high school. i was reflecting (as i usually did at the time) on my existence.

prior to making that post, i had only known what i didn't want– it was the life i knew so far because i felt that was all there was.

i will fill you in on some context: i had lost friends, made new ones, and repeated that cycle over and over as i moved around 4 places. i was uncomfortable in my body, in that community, and in this world.

existence, for me, was dominated by terrible feelings and experiences, amid permeating, unsolvable questions.

i was 5 years old when i felt this for the first time. i stayed up late a lot, and one night i asked myself what 'nothingness' felt like. for a brief moment, i laid in bed and felt the weight of this; it was terrifying and liberating.

growing up religious, mostly in a small community (i'm queer, mixed-race, and a leftist, hello tumblr community), i felt uncomfortable, but i didn't know why. i was poor, my friends were usually rich.

my mom mostly raised me, and was constantly ruled by statistics on 'children raised by single mothers'- god forbid an immigrant mother on top of that! my, at one point, separated-but-still-living-together parents would fight often and intensely. my relationship with my 'sometimes' emotionally abusive father was, and remains, complicated.

my parents didn't know how i could be unhappy. i felt like i was betraying them, but it also felt like no one wanted to listen.

i did a lot of drugs, drank, and lived recklessly. somehow, i also put pressure on myself in nearly every aspect of my life, even though i felt like i didn't care about anything. still, it felt like people wanted that from me and i knew at the very least that i cared about people (just not myself). i had a jam-packed schedule and stayed up at night smoking weed and making (really sad) art.

i hurt myself a lot – i battered, kicked, squeezed, and sliced parts of myself that i hated – because i wanted to feel something else. i think i was working up the courage to get used to embracing the scary and desirable feeling of 'nothingness' again. in my head, none of the pain truly mattered because all of this would be meaningless soon.

at the risk of sounding thankless, i understood, and understand now, how this was animated by occasional joys– sharing ideas, making art, taking care of my dog, or long walks in the woods, for example, made me feel good. i chased that, but it was never adequate. it seemed like everyone else was doing better.

so, what i knew then beyond botched interpretations of theory, the feedback loop of pro-ana forums, nihilist posts, comedowns, and the complicated inner voice of depression and inadequacy was that i was a) confused, and b) going to be 'sad' forever.

to be fair, i wasn't wrong: i think i have existential depression. if you've been on tumblr much, i want to note that this is not a harmful regression via self-diagnosis. instead, i don't feel like it's something i have to fight or maintain. i accept it as a part of me.

an inkling of who i am today was present then, however it couldn't be apprehended; it stayed dormant in the back of my mind. what limited me was my inability to see it, to explore it, engender it, and live a life without fragmenting myself.

without neglecting how 18 year old me was probably a fully-formed and constituted person, i was everyone and i was no one. i continued being like this for a bit, and to be honest, i still find myself fighting that feeling today.

that 18-year-old version of me didn't know i would move to a new city in autumn, and that things, would in fact, get pretty bad. i was left to my own devices (not a good idea). today i see that as a valuable experience, and i fight the feeling that it was wasted time.

it's simultaneously educational, sad, and comical, but here's a brief list of things that happened after high school:

moved to a new city where i basically knew no one

proceeded to not meet anyone (except weirdos 2x my age)

got a job that was emotionally and physically exerting

used this alientation to my benefit

at the apex of my eating disorder, lost 30-40 lbs

took 4-5 different types of depression medications

was cold, sick, and tired 24/7

lost my closest high school friends in a dramatic and terrible way

crashed a car that didn't belong to me, lost all my money

wept often and intensely (didn't lose that)

moved back home after admitting defeat

went off my SNRIs cold turkey (bad withdrawals)

worked as a marketing coordinator (???) at a car dealership (???) in a small town (???)

after 2 years, made some of my money back

decided to apply for university

moved to another city (where i am now)

life didn't immediately get better; it would be cheating to say i woke up one day and it was amazing. i did do a lot of work to heal though, plus started a new career and met pretty great people (external validation actually helps a lot).

since i moved, i have also encountered a lot of genuinely shitty stuff, but i feel like i needed to repeat mistakes and really struggle to keep going and realize i could actually live. it was survival mode for so long.

i had a breakthrough the other day in therapy, where i realized that my eating disorder and my perfectionist mentality kind of took me out of that sedentary depression. it's contradictory, again, to say this, but its in these aspects of things, things that were literally killing me, that i could be alive.

the concoction i ended up with from these ~formative~ experiences– that is of, confusion (a lot of questions about the world, my existence, etc.) and the desire to change, to push myself, and to struggle– mix together to form a version of me that wants to live and, in being alive, upset the damage my younger self accrued.

i'm still building up the courage to say i am actually doing quite well now. it feels wrong to admit, because right now i want to hold that 18 year old version of myself and just listen to her. i do listen, she was onto something– she just didn't have the words yet. she also didn't know what 'recovery' could look like.

this world can be described as terrible, great, wicked, scary, fun, boring, and every other adjective created in it.

it is in this ambiguousness that i find a strange bit of solace.

i realize that i made the right decision sticking it out.

sometimes you hate yourself, and you wish you didn't have to fight so hard. i can admit that this is the way i feel now in my (multiplicitous) use of the word 'recovery', and say i am doing pretty good. it still feels strange to say that here.

life is messy, chaotic, complex. it can feel arbitrary and stupid, happy and sad, but that doesn't mean it has to be over.