#helle x lauder

[vulpinae]

Lauder & Helle: Lilith's Cord

[abyssjungle]

it’s too early to quit... lauder... i’ve got to bring him back... 

[accio-victuuri]

2017 BJYX Timeline : At First Sight.

Everything starts with a blank canvass. Oh we painted each others lives inch by inch. from black, gray and blue to colors we never thought existed. Two photos from different places, longing to be one. 

Let’s start from the beginning of this whirlwind timeline. There will be very minimal interaction between our boys, but this will also be a good time to see how they were before working together. I wanted to paint a picture of  XNINE’s Xiao Zhan and Idol Wang Yibo. Before their names got tied to the Untamed and each other.

They were doing their own thing, working hard with their careers, no clue that one chance meeting will be so important. Warning, this post is video links, image and information heavy. I am missing some stuff because this hell site refuses to save things and continues to glitch.

🡆 MARCH 2017

03242017 : The story starts when XNINE was a guest in Day Day Up. When asked, they always say that this is the first time they met. However, they did not interact at all.

But there are definitely times on this episode where they pay attention to each other and it’s so cute. You can find different videos that will highlight these moments better than any screencaps can.

1. Web Stealing a glance at GG

2. First meeting

3. Gun heart - This is the gesture GG used when he introduced himself. The hosts all imitated him and teased, that included Web who smiled too. The same love gesture will be seen in the following years as “their thing”.

4. Doing the same steps for the dance.

5. Web allowing GG to pass and did not lift up the bamboo to trap him when it’s his turn.

6. Red string of Fate

7. Love at first sight-ology

When asked about this shooting, especially the segment when they were in the fields— GG said it was too cold. There is also CPN that the bag Web was using was GG’s.

03252017:  Yin Yue V-Chart Interview with XNINE. GG talking about being scolded for not updating his video diaries and updating his fans. 😂   On the same day that this interview came out, he posted a selfie. 

🡆 APRIL 2017

04022017 : XNINE shanghai concert - BE A MAN.  blessing us with this dance from GG. The next one is the one that the Untamed Cast were watching. He also posted a selfie for this night. 

Full video of the concert 

04082017 : The Wolf starts filming. According to GG, this is the drama that made him decide to really be an actor.

04092017 : Web attends the 17th Top Chinese Music Awards and wins Best New Idol. This also blessed us with the blindfold dance. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW9gM7tfyFM

04132017: Southern Metropolis Entertainment Interview - XNINE. GG sings Jay Chou’s Love confession on this one ( I died ). We also see his very shy side when people say that he is the Visual of the group. Also, LOL at Peng Chuyue’s face when GG says this.

 https://youtu.be/X8Xoax8dIHM

04162017: Posts a selfie on set of The Wolf in the blistering cold.

04242017: XNINE “Say No” BTS is released.

https://youtu.be/wU_tKzK64Ns

04252017: GG posts a selfie. 

04282017 : Release of Single “Say No” - XNINE 

04292017 :  Wang Yibo X Guan Xiaoton release of the song Once Again for the Once Again OST.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0TT8y7VXNk

🡆 MAY 2017

05072017: GG posts himself with that stubble. 

05292017: Another selfie in specs. 

🡆 JUNE 2017

060172017 : Both GG and Web posted selfies for Children’s Day. 

06082017: Zhelife

06222017: Another selfie. I’m side eyeing the date this was posted wtf. 622. 

06232017 : Posted alot of selfies this time. This is one of those. 

🡆 JULY 2017

072017 - Filming for GG’s “Battle through the Heavens” has ended where played the role of Lin Xiuya.

07032017 : GG posted a bare face selfie, wearing Stussy! 

07032017: Adidas NEO CF for Web

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNYqVa58mgg

07102017 : Web CF for Estee Lauder. Our boi in shorts and white shorts, using estee lauder in the morning. 

https://youtu.be/xeTT0QR_iKs

07192017: Idol Interview - XNINE @ Asian Music Gala. They won the Most Popular Group award. This is Where you can see a very quiet GG who does not speak at all. https://youtu.be/7dwA6WwD-5c

07202017: Cute selfie. 

07272017: Posted a selfie photoset which includes the photo he sent to Web, apparently, in 2018. I’m a love at first sight believer, so I don’t buy the story that this was only sent in 2018. hahahah! don’t believe me. 

🡆 AUGUST 2017

08042017: GG posted a Happy Birthday message to DDU for their anniversary. DDU weibo account responded with :

“Thank you handsome and attractive little zhan zhan! ( btw little Day Day won’t tell you that a colleague of us already became your fan. )”

08082017 : XNINE Metersbonwe photoshoot.

https://youtu.be/jM9lla6aF08

08152017: Episode 1 of Love Actually Drama aired with Web acting alongside Joe Chen. He played the role of Zhai Zhiwei who is an IT genius.

08162017 : First episode of the TV program "When we were young" airing. Web guest starred on this, for episodes 16-17 and played the role of Lin Jiayi.

08242017 : Web shoot for Once Again MV the making released.

https://youtu.be/-yn_st5vOO0

08252017: XNINE “be strong girl” campaign message. Have some encouraging words from GG.

08272017 : XNINE performs at Fresh Asia Awards.

https://youtu.be/PzGlTQ3Fga0

08302017 : “Unsurpassed Conference” ; Where we got this absolute gem of him not wanting to talk but ended up being a host on DDU.

Web : I don’t really like talking 

Host : so you went to DDU 

Web : I don’t know why I went too.. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjO5vIfD_PQ

🡆 SEPTEMBER 2017.

09052017 : Wang Yibo and Joe Chen video in an Amusement Park shooting the drama “Love Actually”. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__gIWih39Is

09162017 :  Wang Yibo attended the “2017 Asian Influence Awards Ceremony.” and won Best New actor.

09222017: Web interview and photo shoot for Hey idol. This shoot is responsible for that photo where Web eats an orange like an Apple. 

https://youtu.be/wCqVxog9i18

09232017: Selfie time again 

09262017: Web and Wenhan represent UNIQ as they perform in TV Online Video Influence Ceremony

https://youtu.be/lc_cvlLtSaA

09272017: Web AD for KFC. Please watch this. He looks good in Yellow- dancing and eating chicken. I STAN THIS BOI! 

https://youtu.be/ABH3BfZf4dg

🡆 OCTOBER 2017

10102017: Posted cute selfies with him as a cat and a Pig. hmmm. pig? 

🡆 NOVEMBER 2017

11072017: Web’s Just Dance single is announced. This is the Theme song of 4th Xuan Wu Festival

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvsyOxC6cs4

11092017 : Filming of Oh My Emperor has finished. GG plays the role of Bei Tang Moran in this drama that will be broadcast in 2018.

11092017 : Web attends the Ifeng Fashion show event where he won   Most Popular New Actor. 

11162017 : Web recording the song “just Dance”. does the clothes he’s wearing remind you of another recording session? 

11212017 : Web x Fashionable Photoshoot

11262017 : Attending and performing in Star Night of Mister Inke. His style in this one is really Joker-like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75wtl-JAjis

🡆 DECEMBER 2017

2020 : Web is cast in the science fiction drama Super Talent/ My strange friend.

12032027: XNINE performs “ We want what we want”.

https://youtu.be/IJNIgPl8ImI

12032017: Web performs JUST DANCE in Tencent Games Carnival.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbIzvMut2CY

12092017: Photoshoot with Rayli 

12122017: Photoshoot with Cheese Fashion 

12132017:  Photoshoot with NTSnap 

12142017 : BEST TASTE releases one of it’s short films that include Wang Yibo. We see two personas in this feature and it’s really interesting.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP83-bEOEv0

This one called “耳” Ear; about sounds. [What we heard can’t take away by time 🕙 ]all the good memories when we were a child, some one them we might not be able to remember what happened, but when you hear the sound/voice of them, they trigger our memories

12152017: Volunteer Union photoshoot / campaign 

12172017 :  Attending Tencent Star Charity Night 

12202017 : Photoshoot feature with our street style AKA everyone's favorite Web flower boi spread. 

12222017: "Just Dance" single MV release

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asb8I3oqG00

12222017 : Winter solstice post from both of them. Talking about eating tangyuan. It’s of those mirroring posts, but again, could just be coincidence that they posted something similar.

12312017 : Web Participates in Hunan TV’s new year countdown as a Host. 

*** Note 01 : In 2017, XNINE was transferred from EE media to Long Danni’s Wajijiwa Ent. Company. Some initial problems that they had was that their company was more interested in promoting them as actors and not as an idol group. They were also not kept safe in public venues which will be a recurring issue to GG as we go along other timelines.

*** Note 02 : I wanted to add Web’s Rossi posts and more pictures but it won’t save (will try again at a later date, but I think Web’s awards and projects are more important to highlight here). LOL. Thankfully, GG’s selfies worked. I mainly added stuff that they did in 2017 to give a sense of where they were career-wise. 

*** Note 03 : Looking at how this timeline turned into a monster, I will probably split the 2018 timeline into two parts. Forever Summer Part I & Forever Summer Part 2. Seeing the amount of Activity these two did in 2018 alone is STAGGERING. Plus, this site is glitching with all the content when I save it so splitting it might be better. if you have suggestions, let me know. 

[c0ffeebee]

Uma or Carlos from Descendants

ok so my first attempt at this died because of tumblr app but let's try this again

i will answer both because i love there two so much 💛

first uma 💙

OTP for them: umvie, my blue queens 

BROTP for them: huma (they are the ultimate brotp of all time), sea 3, vk 7, uma x carlos, audruma, uma x celia, umal

Other ships: huma MY GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, uma x gil, sea 3, umal, audruma

What kind of fic I’d write about them: well i actually have an idea crafted for a sequel to my accidental love spells harlos fic, this time about uma and evie, but to talk about it would spoil the plot of the harlos fic so yeah, then also first summer uma spends in auradon, vk7 are living in evie's castle but since jay and gil left for their vacation and mal moved into the castle with ben, it leaves only harlos and umvie and of course the romances are starting to bloom, then also i had this au idea with no isle and the evil queen is ruling in her own kingdom and evie is an heir to the throne and so the queen arranges a marriage for her, but evie falls in love madly with the pirate captain uma and in the end uma is basically stealing her away right in the middle of the wedding and they run away on uma's ship (and if evie's best friend runs away with them and uma's best friend is her first mate well then it's a whole other story) 

A favorite canon moment: "what's my name", that high note in "it's going down" you know the one, every time she is a giant octopus, her SMILE when she saw the bridge at the end of d3, "i'm right here girl" i cried, her reading audrey's diary in audrey's bed, that tender hug with harry in d3 when they all meet at evie's, i just love her and now i want to re-watch these silly movies 

Color that reminds me of them: teal (wow, what a surprise xD) 

Song that reminds me of them: WHAT'S MY NAME WHAT'S MY NAME SAY IT LAUDER (this and "chilling" are my two favorite songs from all three movies), every other song from descendants she sings in 

A headcanon about them: harry is the only person (until evie) that she is comfortable enough with to let her guard down, she can't even allow it to herself with gil because he has this image of her that he admires and to show him she's not exactly that image is like tell a kid that santa doesn't exist, she can't bring herself to do it, but what she doesn't realize is that gil is a lot smarter than she thinks when it comes to feelings and he already knows when she's not fine, he can read it, he sees her vulnerability anyway and she is still the strongest and the most magical thing he ever seen in his life, she calls evie "blueberry" in the sweetest way possible, when harry is starting to date carlos she gives carlos a whole lecture of "break his heart and i'll break your face" (yeah haha but really she knows harry enough to realize he's not used to being in love or feeling emotionally vulnerable and she doesn't trust that carlos has intentions serious enough, so she's actually ready to kick carlos's ass if he hurt her platonic soulmate), water heals her and gives her strength, she is a waterbender but she knew nothing about it until she left the isle that was blocking her powers, now she's trying to learn how to control it and sometimes fails, and it's really dangerous because she can control all the substances that have water in them, blood included, one time harry is injured and he's feverish and so carlos just asks like "why don't you cool him off with your powers" and uma ABSOLUTELY REFUSES because she is terrified of freezing harry to death on accident, she lets evie play with her hair but no one else (except for harry of course) is allowed to touch it, evie helps uma with developing her powers and discovers her own magic in the process 

A random AU I think up on the spot for them: no magic au where uma and harry work as lifeguards at the local pool, evie and carlos can't swim to save their lives but come to the pool every day FOR REASONS (insert w|w & m|m solidarity here) 

Anything else: uma was never a villain, end of discussion 

and carlos ♥️

OTP for them: harlos (painfully obvious at this point) 

BROTP for them: CARVIE OH MY GOD I LIVE FOR THEM, jaylos, core 4, carlos x uma, vk7, carlos x jane 

Other ships: benlos (they own my whole ass heart), ben x carlos x harry, uma x harry x carlos, carlos x sea3

What kind of fic I’d write about them: 32k words of story about accidental love spells apparently (see i actually finished this one in may 2019, but my beta still has it, she's having some health issues), then also a fic where harry gets injured (see that scene with uma i've talked about) and he's feverish and in that state he calls out carlos's name, mind you they are not even friends at that point, more like forced roommates (AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES!) so carlos gets scared because he never wanted harry to catch feelings for him or vise versa, so he's distancing himself and it all goes to hell, but believe it or not the fic is more of a comedy and nsfw than angst xD, also again lazy long summer at evie's with just carlos, harry, uma and evie around, it starts with jay sending carlos a massage, it's a photo from a vacation, him and gil and a lot of snow and an actual penguin, on the picture gil is kissing jay's cheek and the caption says "wish you were here, except not really" which is a joke and carlos is laughing and it's ok but he does miss jay a lot, and the fic ends with jay receiving a message from uma of all people and it's a photo of carlos and harry sleeping in a hammock with dude and beelzebub and the caption says "he wishes you were here, except… well you know" and then also the next message with "p.s. except you and gil won't fit in there with them i mean, we need a bigger hammock, when are you back?" 

A favorite canon moment: HEAR HER VOICE IN MY HEAD, "chillin like a villain", him saving core4's asses in the museum, his and ben's first meeting "is that chocolate?", him going off when cruella threatened dude GOD I LOVE MY BRAVE SON, him trying to fight the guy who was aggressive to ben on the isle and jay literally DRAGGING him away, GIRL TALK I REPEAT GIRL TALK, him taming the beast ben, him being ready to kick harry's ass as soon as harry steps on that bridge, him and harry dancing together in "break this down", THAT JAYLOS DANCE IN GOOD TO BE BAD OH MY GOD, actually every time carlos is dancing, i just love him a lot 

Color that reminds me of them: red, white and black (to the surprise of no one) 

Song that reminds me of them: "chilling like a villain", every song in descendants that he's a part of, and also "hooked" by why don't we just because it's such a harlos song 

A headcanon about them: ok so… i don't believe it's even a headcanon but he can kick some serious ass, he's not a coward and in fact it's the opposite he's always ready to fight and the others have to stop him (like jay did in the situation i've talked about above), evie is his first and best friend, he's the only non-magical person in his friend group (evie and jay are both magical ok? I SAID WHAT I SAID), he can't swim at all but learns eventually to prove to harry he can, he sometimes is a mom-friend to jay and mal if evie isn't around to do the job, he can't cook but keeps trying and failing, HARRY IS THE ONLY ONE TO EVER CALL HIM "PUP" (it doesn't even make any sense for anyone else to call him that, if you have a phobia no good friend would ever call you by the name of the thing you're scared of, if my friends would call me spidey i would be like… excuse me bitch what?), harry is the one who's sometimes scared of HIM and not the other way around because carlos can be really REALLY mean without even opening his mouth, his passive-aggressiveness is the worst and harry can't stand it, he hates when carlos looks at him the way he did back at the bridge, carlos is very enthusiastic in bed and he knows almost everything there is to know in theory but lacks practice so harry sometimes feels like a lab rat or something because carlos treats sex like he treats scientific research, he just needs to try a bunch of stuff to know what works best, harry is not against it, carlos pranked chad more than a few times and it wasn't kind at all, maybe carlos isn't gay, maybe he's on the spectrum but he still prefers guys, him and jane break up eventually but stay good friends, HE STARTS TO WEAR EYELINER AGAIN AND STOPS STRAIGHTENING HIS HAIR because previously he just adopted to auradon beauty standards but then he sees harry rocking that eyeliner and goes like "ok if he can do it then so can i!" and it's glorious, carlos knows a bunch of seemingly useless scientific facts, he's good at sports but only the ones that interest him enough, and i should probably stop because it's getting too long 

A random AU I think up on the spot for them: werewolf carlos and vampire harry (witch uma and fairy evie is also welcomed to join), i desperately need this in my life, ok? ok

Anything else: i really wish dude never talked because this dog stole carlos's entire story arc and all the interactions he could have had with anyone but jane the moment it opened it's mouth 

[tunehummed]

THE JONATHAN LARSON PROJECT. — 458 sentences from the 2019 album the jonathan larson project, conceived by jennifer ashley tepper! change pronouns as needed. trigger warning for mentions/discussion of abuse, sexism, homophobia, and oil spills.

GREENE STREET.

‛ i found the sun on a midwinter day. ’

‛ on a backstreet down in soho, there was snow on the ground. ’

‛ instinct told me to get out and search for a day. ’

‛ there goes a chic, chic baby on her way to a coup d’état. ’

‛ there goes a fella like me lookin’ for his day. ’

‛ there goes a boy in his mama’s arms. ’

‛ you can say what you can say. ’

‛ there goes a lover sittin’ and writin’ this song. ’

‛ i’m sittin’ on greene street! ’

‛ and i don’t mean money, honey. ’

‛ watchin’ the world waltz by. ’

‛ laughing the day away. ’

‛ there goes a man with a camera whose sunglasses shade his eyes. ’

‛ there goes a man who seems that he knows a star. ’

‛ there goes a tourist who’s scared to answer me. ’

‛ there goes a dancer too scared to answer me, an artist who winked as she passed by. ’

‛ an artist who winked as she passed by! ’

‛ all these people out in the street, too bad that no one wants to meet. ’

‛ too bad that no one wants to meet. ’

‛ everybody i see walks right by. ’

‛ would someone please look me in the eye? ’

ONE OF THESE DAYS.

‛ another failure, another flop. ’

‛ i should try another hobby, this has gotta stop. ’

‛ i feel like a tightrope walker without the wire. ’

‛ one more disaster, one more dud. ’

‛ it could be worse! at least this time no flood. ’

‛ at least this time no flood. ’

‛ at least this time no flood, though it’s the fourteenth time that i’ve almost caught on fire. ’

‛ though it’s the fourteenth time that i’ve almost caught on fire. ’

‛ maybe it’s luck! what is luck, how could this be luck? ’

‛ no one’s luck could be this bad! ’

‛ maybe it’s fate, maybe it’s time… ’

‛ one of these days i’ll find a way. ’

‛ i’ll make it to the top, leave ‘em all back in the dust. ’

‛ one of these days someone will say, ‘that boy will never stop!’ ’

‛ that day’s gonna be one of these days. ’

‛ don’t understand it, it isn’t fair. ’

‛ every time i try to prove myself results just aren’t there. ’

‛ i feel like a mountain climber without the peak. ’

‛ my sister laughs at me, says i’m odd. ’

‛ my mom and pop think i’m a punishment from god. ’

‛ i get looks from my neighbors that seem to say, ‘there goes that FREAK!’ ’

‛ sometimes i wish - no, i don’t - yes, i do, i wish! ’

‛ i wish that somehow i’d been born dumb. ’

‛ then i feel that something may change. ’

‛ i’ll rise above the throng. ’

‛ they’ll be amazed at who they see. ’

‛ one of these days someone will say, ‘i knew it all along.’ ’

‛ one of these days that’s what will be. ’

‛ god, can it happen today? ’

‛ maybe there’s been a mistake. ’

‛ let’s trade a failure for one minor miracle. ’

‛ i’m gonna be number one! ’

‛ i’m gonna be number one, at least in some one person’s eyes. ’

‛ one of these days someone will say, ‘you are my only one.’ ’

‛ i’m gonna fly, i’m gonna touch the sky. ’

‛ i’m gonna win, i’m gonna sin, i’m gonna never die. ’

‛ gonna glow, gonna flow, gonna click, gonna stick. ’

‛ gonna gain, reach, conquer, gonna make ‘em sick. ’

‛ gonna triumph, prevail, sail, razzle dazzle, glitter gleam. ’

‛ gonna see my face in every house on every screen. ’

‛ i’ll be the hero, i’ll change the world. ’

‛ and maybe in the end i’ll even get the girl! ’

‛ gotta believe it. ’

‛ i can see through the haze. ’

‛ a miracle’s in for a landing, gonna get here, gonna happen one of these days. ’

BREAK OUT THE BOOZE.

‛ the wolf’s at the door and i hear talk of war. ’

‛ somebody break out the booze. ’

‛ let’s grab some hooch. ’

‛ let’s get goopy and smooch. ’

‛ forget all this sob sister news. ’

‛ the world’s gettin’ lousy, so let’s go get drowsy. ’

‛ yes, right here and now-sy. ’

‛ let’s bow-wow these blues. ’

‛ the stars look poetic. the moon’s copacetic. ’

‛ crank up your jalopy and then we’ll get sloppy. ’

‛ we’ll call up our bookie and say to him: ‘cookie, lookie, we’ve nothing to lose.’ ’

‛ the times ain’t so jake, every bum’s on the take. ’

‛ got no cake, got no steak, just this ache in my shoes. ’

‛ the moon’s looking cheesy. your eyes say, ‘i’m easy.’ ’

‛ oh – it’s swell to be alive. ’

‛ oh – it’s the real mccoy! ’

‛ oh – give a yell, we’ll survive. ’

‛ waiter! who needs a mug? give me a bottle or a jug. ’

‛ the government’s awful, so let’s be unlawful. ’

‛ throw out the compass and let’s make a rumpus. ’

‛ this town’s getting screwy, so let’s go kablooey. ’

‛ it’s true if we get boo-hoo-y, we lose. ’

‛ let’s make it strange – hell! let’s get naked, angel. ’

OUT OF MY DREAMS.

‛ out of my dreams. ’

‛ out all night, kisses on the street. ’

‛ sidewalk, dance, september heat. ’

‛ stay in bed, love all day. ’

‛ fire, passion, every single way. ’

‛ go to work, mind on you. anticipating what we’re gonna do. ’

‛ nasty words on the telephone. ’

‛ alarm goes off, i’m in bed alone. ’

‛ you left my life. stay out of my dreams. ’

‛ thursday, friday, 3 am. ’

‛ buses, subways. us versus them. ’

‛ winter chill, skies look dark. ’

‛ monkey business in central park. ’

‛ coffee, cocoa, more whipped cream. ’

‛ vodka, brandy. was it just a dream? ’

‛ window shopping, christmas day. ’

‛ i wake up, all that was yesterday! ’

‛ try to stay busy. hard to stay afloat. ’

‛ will i be sunk by this lump in my throat? ’

‛ can’t think, can’t act, can’t find new roads. ’

‛ think i see you everywhere, my heart explodes. ’

‛ will i ever laugh? will i ever be the same? ’

‛ i’m tossing, i’m turning, i’m calling your name. ’

‛ maybe you’ll come back. that thought makes me weep. ’

‛ the only thing i do is i go back to sleep. ’

‛ stay out of my dreams. get out! ’

VALENTINE’S DAY.

‛ he was a greeting card candy cupid. ’

‛ there was a blizzard, it was twenty below. ’

‛ she was 15, clean, lonely and stupid, and as pure as the virgin snow. ’

‛ he pulled her in from the storm and the fire was warm. she didn’t have the nerve to say no. ’

‛ she didn’t have the nerve to say no. ’

‛ beat her till she’s black and blue and gray. ’

‛ draw a little heart. draw a little arrow. draw a little blood. ’

‛ v-v-v-valentine’s day. ’

‛ red wine, waterford crystal. chocolate kisses and lace. ’

‛ knives and chains and a pistol mounted on a wall, like scars on a face. ’

‛ he said he liked to play rough as he locked the handcuff. she knew it’d be tough to escape. ’

‛ she knew it’d be tough to escape. ’

‛ february winter in her heart. ’

‛ i said i’d show her normal love. she said, ‘too late to start.’ ’

‛ she said, ‘too late to start.’ ’

‛ now her fashion is basically leather. favorite color is basically red. ’

‛ and her passions change like the weather, as she dances from bed to bed to bed. ’

‛ and she feels like a fool, but she likes her men cruel. ’

‛ i doubt she’ll be cool till she’s dead. ’

WHITE MALE WORLD.

‛ bryant gumbel, decaf coffee, french vanilla ultra slim. ’

‛ pert shampoo with extra body, clinique, neutrogena. ’

‛ hey, madonna. ho, madonna, hey. ’

‛ stay-free, yeast-x, estee lauder. ’

‛ estee lauder, revlon, calvin klein’s obsession. ’

‛ advil, ultra-brite, no nonsense. ’

‛ diamonds are forever. ’

‛ it’s just another day. just another day. ’

‛ just another day in the white male world.  ’

‛ salad bar, no! candy bar. ’

‛ yes. candy bar, no! salad bar. ’

‛ diet coke, no! diet rite. ’

‛ cellulite or cancer? ’

‛ yes sir, no sir. ’

‛ holly hunter, melanie griffith, meryl streep. ’

‛ spandex, reeboks. ’

‛ taylor dayne, stairmaster, oprah winfrey. ’

‛ let’s cut down a jungle. ’

‛ let’s go start a war. ’

‛ let’s go rape a co-ed. ’

‛ what a lovely thing to do! ’

‛ let’s drink beer and bust some heads. ’

‛ let’s all vote for jesse helms. ’

‛ let’s string up a faggot and a black guy and a jew. ’

‛ evian water, black lace push-up, billiard table, dirty words. ’

‛ skinny blue jeans, skimpy t-shirt. ’

‛ husband hunting, binge & purge. ’

‛ open your mouth and open your legs and open your purse. now – where’s the trojan? ’

‛ now – where’s the trojan? ’

‛ wait! don’t stop! too late, he’s finished. ’

‛ what if men got pregnant? ’

LA DI DA RAP.

‛ we all should be drinkin’ to abraham lincoln and get stinkin’ drunk in his name. ’

‛ it’s a good thing he’s dead cause he’d cry his eyes red, hang his head if he saw this campaign. ’

‛ singing hey la di la di, hey la di da day. ’

‛ lincoln! here’s mud in your eye. ’

‛ are we past our prime? or is this the time to climb from the slime, make america great. ’

‛ are we so hollow that we blindly follow and swallow whatever they put on our plate? ’

‛ just sing no! ’

‛ to handlers, sound bytes, madison avenue, cynical hollywood, la di da pictures. ’

‛ tabloids, images, wrapped up facts in relation, slim control. ’

‛ la di da you drama la di da de da de la di da. ’

‛ pour some ales for old roger ailes and danny quayle’s his protégé. ’

‛ in ‘96 his looks, his tricks make tricky dick’s crime passe. ’

‛ i’ve had it up to here. ’

‛ here’s mud in your eye! ’

IRON MIKE.

‛ on a starry black night at the base of mount hogan, beyond horsetail creek and anderson bay. ’

‛ from the port of valdez sailed a ship, bound for long beach. ’

‛ over one million barrels of crude stowed away. ’

‛ to the left of the wheel in the bridge of the upper deck under the compass, was he. ’

‛ navigation computer, the captain and fisherman’s friend who could steer perfectly. ’

‛ they called him iron mike. ’

‛ in the dead of the night he steered the way through the darkness. ’

‛ iron mike didn’t see the red light on the reef. ’

‛ he’d been known to throw back one or two. ’

‛ yet no one thought twice when he set autopilot and retired below with the crew. ’

‛ from the two am stillness came the cry of the third mate. ’

‛ someone better go wake up the chief! ’

‛ yet by then it was too late. ’

‛ the starboard tanks had 12 foot gashes cut out by bligh reef. ’

‛ the forget-me-nots cried and the salmon all died and the fisherman wore black armbands. ’

‛ and the spokesmen from exxon said, ‘no major damage,’ though six million gallons remain in the sands. ’

‛ and from rocky point down to mount freemantle, you can still see the black film on the soil. ’

‛ and the echoes rebound throughout prince william sound of half frozen animals, choking in oil. ’

‛ who’s at the helm of this ship of state? ’

‛ we’ve in for some rough navigation. ’

‛ we have the power – the hour is late. ’

‛ gotta get tough and clean up the nation. ’

‛ black rainbows of exxon lightgrade again flowed, like hot fudge in a big apple spill. ’

‛ the detection machine had malfunctioned quite often, repair procedure so hard to enforce. ’

‛ and down on prall’s island, the cleanup begins. ’

‛ and the horror continues till we chart our own course. ’

‛ it’s the dead of the night. ’

‛ we can steer a new way through the darkness. ’

‛ we must see the light for relief. ’

FIND THE KEY.

‛ she’s walking, he’s sitting. ’

‛ he plays a dark c-minor chord. ’

‛ it’s like the keyboard is his heart. ’

‛ he hears the clock, he hugs the cat. ’

‛ he hugs the cat… no. he kicks the cat. ’

‛ he pumps the volume higher. ’

‛ a fire’s just about to start. ’

‛ why can’t, why can’t i? ’

‛ why can’t i, why can’t i find the key? ’

‛ why can’t i find the key? ’

‛ door closes – he freezes. ’

‛ he sees it’s hard to end duets. ’

‛ he lets his fingers feel the way. ’

‛ he loves her, he’s lost her. ’

‛ he’s hearing melancholy strings that sing the things that he can’t say. ’

‛ he can’t imagine what he should have said. ’

‛ it’s all been said and sounds cliché. ’

‛ he’s at the bridge between his head which says, ‘it’s dead,’ and his heart which says, ‘don’t let her get away.��� ’

‛ she’s gone now. he’s singing. ’

‛ he’s singing. he hears no two part harmony. ’

‛ he hears no two part harmony. ’

‛ he looks around – this can’t be real. ’

‛ this can’t be real. ’

‛ depression, a dark progression. ’

‛ why can he only sing it? ’

‛ what will it take to make him feel? ’

‛ and then somehow it ends. ’

HOSING THE FURNITURE.

‛ hello my lucite coffee table. someone spill a little milk on you? ’

‛ tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. ’

‛ one – more – twist! that’s better now. ’

‛ silly little me, me, me, me, me, me, me! ’

‛ i’m singing in the living room. ’

‛ what’s the time? fifteen minutes. ’

‛ pour the bleach, put the finishing touches on the dinner. ’

‛ the dog – the dog – the dog. still outside. ’

‛ my nails! my god! a chip! ’

‛ tom likes wonder bread with turkey. ’

‛ tom was preoccupied last night. ’

‛ is it me? is it – ’

‛ do i have enough milk? ’

‛ oh stain stain, down the drain. ’

‛ i can see myself in the coffee table, pretty as i was on my wedding day. ’

‛ pretty as i was on my wedding day. ’

‛ i’m as pretty as the coffee table. we’re so pretty! ’

‛ we’re so pretty! ’

‛ ah! what? you scared me. ’

‛ who were you talking to? ’

‛ who? no one. ’

‛ what’s all this? ’

‛ why are you acting so weird? ’

‛ you know i’m hosing the furniture. ’

‛ and when i hose, i sing to myself. ’

‛ who do you think cleans up? some elf? ’

‛ no sweeping – no mops. in no time it’s wheeeeee! ’

‛ when i’m hosing the furniture i’m free. ’

‛ i’m free – i’m free! ’

‛ now run along and play – i’m concentrating. ’

‛ you know your father likes to come home to that ‘just decorated look’... ’

‛ raindrops are falling on my couch! ’

‛ what’s the time? thirty minutes! ’

‛ martinis, cut the flowers for the dinner. ’

‛ the dog – the dog – the dog. hasn’t been fed. ’

‛ my hair! my god! a gray hair! ’

‛ tom likes onion cocktails. ’

‛ tom nodded off again last night. ’

‛ i get treated like dirt! ’

‛ i can see myself in the drapery. ’

‛ am i pretty as i was on my wedding day? ’

‛ am i pretty as the drapery? are we pretty? ’

‛ are we pretty? ’

‛ don’t you care? ’

‛ do i look mad? my happiness grows! ’

‛ who needs dad when i’ve got the hose! ’

‛ this house is a reflection of me – modern, graceful, easy, simple – synthetic. ’

‛ modern, graceful, easy, simple – synthetic. ’

‛ in everything i see my reflection. ’

‛ do i really look so simply pathetic? ’

‛ what? pull the trigger! ’

‛ soon it’s gonna rain on the bookshelf. ’

‛ what’s the time? 120 minutes. ’

‛ dry turkey, look relaxed for the dinner. ’

‛ the dog – the dog – the dog. the dog died last year! ’

‛ my blouse! my god! a crumb! ’

‛ i can see myself in the television. ’

‛ i was pretty on my wedding day. ’

‛ i was pretty as a television. we were pretty. ’

‛ we were pretty. ’

‛ a minor flood never hurt anyone! ’

‛ sometimes i wish this hose were a gun. ’

‛ just joking – see, i’m laughing. ’

PURA VIDA

‛ we are the people. ’

‛ we are the people who float on the river. ’

‛ we run up to the hill, we run down to the water. ’

‛ birds laugh and the sun, she smiles. ’

‛ and the trees, they dance in the wind. ’

‛ we race against time. ’

‛ we race for pure life. ’

‛ we need the people. ’

‛ we need the people who live on the river. ’

‛ find a pace, find a speed. ’

‛ nowhere to stop in big water. ’

‛ fish fly and the rocks play games and the trees sing out in the wind. ’

‛ sing in harmony. ’

‛ can we endure this race? ’

‛ can this race endure? ’

‛ we need the people who live in the forest. ’

‛ ‘ust there be finish lines? ’

‛ can’t the world drum like the water? ’

‛ the rivers will dry, and the birds will die. ’

‛ and the ghosts of the trees will cry out in the wind. ’

THE TRUTH IS A LIE.

‛ the berlin wall wasn’t destroyed, it was dismantled brick by brick. ’

‛ it was dismantled brick by brick. ’

‛ it was dismantled brick by brick and reconstructed on capitol hill, on the congressional floor. ’

‛ the money spent on one stealth bomber couldn’t wipe out homelessness. ’

‛ george bush never said, ‘read my lips.’ ’

‛ the peace dividend didn’t pay for the war. ’

‛ don’t look out the window. don’t go to the mirror. don’t you know what you will see? ’

‛ don’t you know what you will see? ’

‛ martin luther king and the kennedys were fictional players in a mini-series, just like charles manson and princess grace. ’

‛ bensonhurst was a publicity stunt. ’

‛ aids is a myth, first amendment’s fake. ’

‛ the sun revolves around the earth and the holocaust never took place. ’

‛ the truth is a lie! ’

‛ love does not exist between consenting members of the same sex. ’

‛ two plus two is five. ’

‛ the human body is revolting. ’

‛ we always will thrive. ’

‛ children don’t learn to hate from their parents. they catch it like german measles. ’

‛ they catch it like german measles. ’

‛ the moon is cheese and everyone should own a gun. ’

‛ women ask to be black and blue and pregnant their entire lives. ’

‛ the earth is flat and the white man knows what’s best for everyone. ’

‛ don’t you know what you might see? ’

‛ don’t look at the picture. don’t go to the theater. don’t you know what you will see? ’

RHAPSODY.

‛ i turn a corner, see a rat in the rubble as i try with all my might to put it out of mind. ’

‛ as i try with all my might to put it out of mind. ’

‛ i step on some budweiser glass. a limousine drives by. ’

‛ a rich man turns a corner, sees a rat in the rubble. ’

‛ he raises his smile glass window and reads the wall street journal. ’

‛ sky’s not free. river’s not free. i’m not free. life’s not free. ’

‛ life’s not free in the city. ’

‛ i’m told i too must wear a tie or they’ll fire me from my boring nothing job. ’

‛ i guess a tie is the ornament of establishment. ’

‛ i guess a tie is the ornament of establishment, though it seems to me to be more of a leash than a bow. ’

‛ though it seems to me to be more of a leash than a bow. ’

‛ so many people hounded to the pound. ’

‛ so many people collared to the dollar. ’

‛ okay, freedom is a state of mind. i agree. ’

‛ but i need the elements to remind me why. ’

‛ but i need the elements to remind me why with all this steel and concrete and noise about money. ’

‛ with all this steel and concrete and noise about money. honey, you get tunnel vision. ’

‛ honey, you get tunnel vision. ’

‛ you forget that there’s earth below the subway and beyond the ‘scrapers, there’s sky. ’

‛ i plan a day in the country with you. ’

‛ having gotten home from work last night at 12:30 am. ’

‛ having fallen asleep last night at 3:30 am because i couldn’t shut down my mind. ’

‛ because i couldn’t shut down my mind. ’

‛ the city never sleeps. ’

‛ as the phone rang this morning, your sweet was calling, i looked at that clock. ’

‛ how i hate that damn clock. ’

‛ i excuse myself from our date. ’

‛ see, i had to be back by mid-afternoon. ’

‛ and i know these are lame excuses and i’m so damn sorry. ’

‛ i’m so damn sorry. ’

‛ i know it’s important, but i feel like i’ve gotten my priorities beaten out of me. ’

‛ but i feel like i’ve gotten my priorities beaten out of me. ’

‛ but i feel like i’ve gotten my priorities beaten out of me with a rolled-up new york times. ’

‛ and this leash keeps tanking on my tie. ’

‛ i love ‘rhapsody in blue’ too. it’s just that he was rich when he wrote it. ’

‛ it’s just that he was rich when he wrote it. ’

‛ and only the rats, the roaches, the rubble and the rich men are free in the city. ’

SOS.

‛ this may be my final message. ’

‛ this may be the final bow. ’

‛ i’m sure i don’t know what will happen. ’

‛ i’m sure i don’t know what will happen. does it matter anyhow? ’

‛ does it matter anyhow? ’

‛ i hear footsteps down the hall. ’

‛ don’t know how much they’ll allow. ’

‛ if you’re waiting for the last reel, i think the time is now. ’

‛ i think the time is now. ’

‛ sos, oh, savior! ’

‛ sos, oh, hero! ’

‛ sos, messiah! ’

‛ yes, oh yes, oh! ’

‛ sos, oh jesus! ’

‛ sos, oh buddhal! ’

‛ sos, emmanuel!  ’

‛ this may be my final hour. ’

‛ this may be the dying day. ’

‛ though they never taught me why in school, i think i’m learning how to pray. ’

‛ i think i’m learning how to pray. ’

‛ they are right outside the door. ’

‛ don’t know why they keep on stalling. ’

‛ i know you’ve heard this all before. ’

‛ i know you’ve heard this all before, but it’s the last time that i’m calling. ’

‛ but it’s the last time that i’m calling. ’

‛ sos, almighty! ’

‛ sos, oh yahwah! ’

‛ sos, oh mighty zeus! ’

‛ sos, oh allah! ’

‛ does anybody hear? ’

‛ does anybody hear? answer me now if you do. ’

‛ answer me now if you do. ’

‛ is anybody there? ’

‛ is anybody there? i need you. ’

‛ i need you. ’

‛ this may be the curtain call. ’

‛ does it matter anymore? ’

‛ i asked why. that’s why i say make a try. it’s only a play. ’

‛ that’s why i say make a try. ’

‛ it’s only a play. ’

LOVE HEALS.

‛ like a breath of midnight air. ’

‛ like a lighthouse, like a prayer. ’

‛ like a flicker and the flare the sky reveals. ’

‛ like a walk along the shore that you’ve walked a thousand times before. ’

‛ like the ocean roars, love heals. ’

‛ there are those who shield their heart. ’

‛ those who quit before they start. ’

‛ who’ve frozen up the part of them that feels. ’

‛ in the dark they’ve lost their sight, like a ship without a star in the night. ’

‛ but it’s alright. love heals. ’

‛ love heals when pain’s too much to bear. ’

‛ when you reach out your hand and only the wind is there. ’

‛ when life’s unfair, when things like us are not meant to be. love heals. ’

‛ when you feel so small like a grain of sand, like nothing at all. ’

‛ when you look out at the sea. that’s where love will be. ’

‛ that’s where love will be. ’

‛ that’s where you’ll find me. ’

‛ you’ll find me. ’

‛ so if you fear the storm ahead as you lie awake in bed. ’

‛ no one there to stroke your head and your mind reels. ’

‛ if your face is salty wet and you’re drowning in regret, just don’t forget. ’

‛ don’t forget. ’

‛ don’t forget love heals. ’

‛ love heals. ’

PIANO.

‛ when the world is a constant jumble and a wall or two decides to tumble. ’

‛ when i think i’m at the end of the line. ’

‛ when i think i’m at the end of the line, somehow i get to you in time. ’

‛ somehow i get to you in time. ’

‛ somehow i get through to you in time. ’

‛ oh piano, you saved my soul again. ’

‛ you saved my soul again. ’

‛ oh piano, you saved my soul, amen. ’

‛ you saved my soul, amen. ’

‛ i may not play like a concert man, but i got a song to sing. ’

‛ but i got a song to sing. ’

‛ i may not play like a concert man, but i got soul. ’

‛ but i got soul. ’

‛ piano, save my soul. ’

[ellus986]

Always knew you / chapter two

Joe Mazzello x reader

Warning: drinking alcohol, imtimate dancing

Comment: Y/N is corrently 22, while Joe is 35.

Summary: you knew Joe all of your life, and as best friends you two always find the way back to each other.

You wake up to realise Joe is watching you sleeping, and your right arm and leg are on his lap.

“Creep” you wishper rolling to your back.

“Good morning” his smile just gets bigger. “Creep? Sorry, it just remainded me of the old times, when you wouldn’t sleep next to anyone else just me, and always fall asleep on me like this”

“Morning. Ooh God how many times will you say this? I was a preschooler and had a big crush on you!” You say with a grimace on your face, while getting out of the bed.

“Just had?” He winks at you, and you try to hide your smile.

“Yeah, it ended like 18 years ago... coffee? “ you ask.

“Yes please!” He nods.

You turn on the coffee machine, and when it was ready you started to make his coffee.

“It’s pretty cute you don’t need to ask how to make my coffee.” He nods.

“Yeah, you never changed since you were 16” you answer, then stick your tongue out.

“And we know you had a crush on me at that time.” He laughs.

“I was 3, let it go!” You scream.

“Oh, do you remember that time when I came home from a school trip, and John had a match so your mom picked me up, ofcourse you came with her, and as the car stoped and you saw me standing there you somehow get yourself out of your carseat, open the door and run to my arms. Your tiny hand were so tight around my neck that if you would have been bigger, I would have died there. I never forget you wishpering to my ears: Joey , I missed you so much, so so much. While I was holding you in my arms.” His face is full of nostalgy, and you smile and blush at the same time.

“Yes I remember. I couldn’t get what was so important on that match, when you were finally home.” You say while hosting his coffee to the bed.

“You don’t have any?” He asks you when you go to the bathroom.

“Ah, only the olds need coffee, I’m good with my cold shower.” You laugh standing in the door.

“Your time will come child too.” He is mimicing an older man’s shaky voice, and movements.

You hear him laughing still when you get under the shower. As you said, you wake up in the minute the cold water hits your body. But your face is still red from the memories, you remember how big was your crush when you were little, and Joe was already a teenager. 13 years older, but he doesn’t feel that much older, does he? Not now, back then he was your hero, you can clearly remember that, and his patience for you. He played with you, and never was ashamed about your feelings in public, you think he found it cute, or time makes the memories look so great, who knows?

When you get out of the bathroom after put your clothes on and braid your hair you find Joe in the kitchen getting some bread out of the toaster.

“I mad you breakfast” he nods, than look up at you. “Thank God, you learned how to braid your hair, I fell out of practice.” You laugh at him, and the memories that came up, him sitting on the floor with you braiding your hair, while your whole family and his are about to play video games while eating toasted bread in the bed after the sleepover.

“Those mornings. So that’s why you mad me toast, but sorry I don’t have anything we can play on.” You smirk.

After you two had your breakfast Joe heads to the shower too. You hear him singing while he is under the water, you are sure he turned it on the hotest.

“It's a hard-knock life for us

It's a hard-knock life for us

'Stead of treated

We get tricked

'Stead of kisses

We get kicked

It's the hard-knock life”

You laugh at how comfy he feels with you, just to let it all out, even his voice is pleasing to your ears.

_____________________________________________

When you got home from work Joe is still at the meeting, but he is texting you. “Any clubs around, we were out drinking so long time ago”

You send him an adress. “Good! At 8pm”

After you came to term with heading out tonight, you start to get ready. You put on some black tight skirt, and a V necked long sleeve.

When you meet up with Joe your hair is down in beachy waves, you had a little make up on. Joe on the other hand, has a yankes t-shirt on, dark jeans, and his old yankes hat.

“Joe, you look... classy!” You finally find the word you were looking for.

“Wasn’t aware we are about to suit up” he hugs you, than looks all over you. “You look beautiful, I mean you always do, but ... aah I can’t come good out of this!” You laugh on his amberessed red face, what just matches his hair’s red tone that was lighted by the streetlights.

As you get into the line you hear wishpers from some girls in there, you can’t get out the words you only hear your best friends name. More and more people are looking at you two, while you try to not notice it,or atleast to seem like you don’t. But than the bouncer wavs at you to come around, and when you do they let you in not just before the line, but for free. The guy just get closer to Joe to wishper something to his ears and than let you two in.

“What did he said?” You ask, trying to be lauder then the music.

“Oooh you don’t want to know” he answers, but your face tells everything so he puts his hand in the air, and get close to you, so he can speak to your ear. “He said I should make sure you bounce on me more than once tonight, oh and by the way he loved bohemian rhapsody” he says it with such a passion you start to believe he would be fine with that. Your ears are burned off by this so you go to the bar and ask for a gin-tonic, he gets a wishky.

You just get your drink when some girls are coming around asking for a picture with Joe, and when he says yes one of them hands you a phone, you make some photos of them, and then just for fun you make one selfie, just prove them you were there too.

You two just pick up the topic when another girls are coming to you, again for photos, you make them and they leave giggyling. This happens four or five times more when shut up and dance starts to play. Joe grabs your hand, but you feel bad now, he sees it so just get you into the dancingfloor to make you feel better with dancing.

There wasn’t much people dancing, but Joe get you close to him and put his hand on your hips. You close your eyes, and just let your body do what it did so many times before, get close to Joe and dance with him. You almost convinced that your body just knows Joe’s and automaticly it starts to do It’s thing.

He get closer to you everytime he can, you put your arms around his neck while moving your hips with his. You feel his heart beating so fast, so open up your eyes just to realise he is watching you with something on his face you haven’t seen in years. His look cathes your lips and you know what would happen if you don’t get out here soon.

“I need to go to the bathroom” you say and get out of his hands. When you stand in front of the mirror you try to make your heart slow down, and get some water on your face without ruining your mascara, and eyeliner.

“You stupid” you speak to yourself in the mirror. “Don’t mess it up!”

When you walk back to Joe you can’t help just think that you haven’t danced like this since your 18th birthday, and you only were capable to dance this kind of intimate with this goofball. He get you a new gin-tonic and he was drinking an another glass of wishky. You thought girls will come again, but after your dance noone came, but you see some girls gossiping about you two in the corner. When the DJ puts in fat bottomed girls you can’t help you need to dance, now you grab him.

“This is my anthem! You need to dance with me!” You say and lead him to the dancefloor again.

“I understand why it is” he slaps your ass to make his point clear.

“You say I’m fat?” You try to look mad, and not to laugh while dancing with him, but now there is way bigger distance between your bodies.

“Noo” he shots. “I mean you have a perfect ass, it is just as perfect as everything else on you” his face again matches the red light in his hair.

“I love when your hair turns kinda red” you wishper into his ears.

“You do?” Joe looks at you with shook.

“Yes I do” you nod.

“We should go home” he says watching your new/old watch.

“Before you were 30, you couldn’t imagine going home before 3am, and now at midnight you wanna go home?”

“Yes please” he nods with his tired face.

You grab his hand, and you two walk home hand in hand and then just fall in the bed in your party clothes.

__________________________________________

When you wake up there are angry messages from Ben on booth of your phone.

“What the hell?” He says and send you a picture about Joe slapping your booty.

“And again, what the hell?” Continues and send an another photo where it seems like Joe going to kiss you.

To be continued...

@spacedust1124719 @mrsmazzello

[jinxthequeergirl]

Imagine:

Trying to cheer Jack up after he losses his grace but still being sad over the loss of your father

Requested by: @more-and-more-everytime

Request: Hi, you recently told me you were accepted request. I wasn't sure how to make one so I hope this is appropriate. Jack Kline x reader Jack had just lost his grace and is beaten up over it. And the reader tries to cheer him up by being an absolutely dork. But the reader is secretly hurting because she still hasn't gotten over her father, Crowley's death. Will you tag me please? Thanks💘

Enjoy dear!

Warning: swearing

~~~~~~~~~

She hadn't know Jack to long. But she hates to admit she had gone soft for him once she got to know him.

Meaning she hated how sad he was when he lost his grace.

"Jack! Hey jack! Look!" jack glanced over to her with a sigh only to find she had taped her noise to her for head and the corners of her mouth up. He rolled his eyes and turned away.

She frowned the tape on the corner of her mouth pulling free. She huffed and pulled all the tape from her face clumping it in a ball and tossing it up and down helplessly.

Another idea poped into her head.

"Jack!" She rolled past him in her chair.

"Jack loo-"

"K at me!" he looked up at her again she had two stuck notes over her eyes with whack eyes She drew on herself and two traws from her drink in her mouth like tusks of a wallrace. A small smile spread across his face.

"Are you smiling?" her chair rolled right into the corner of the table hitting her in the side.

"Fuck!" one of the sticky notes fell off her face. And she looked up at him with a painfilled smile. "You're smiling!"

Her enthusiasm was high pitched And she held her side. Jack let out a small laugh at her. She pulled everything from her face And hid it in her hand. He looked at her and laughed lauder. She soon joined him.

For days it went on like that. She would find little ways to brighten his day, to make him laugh or smile.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Cause you're letting me and at least one of us deserves to be happy right?"

Jack looked at her confused as She handed him a mug. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"What?"

"You aren't happy?" she shrugged as she sat down and traced the rim of the mug with her finger. "I-" She cleared her throat staring back at her reflection in the contents of the mug.

"I miss my dad...and I though that maybe-maybe if I did little things to make you happy it would take away my saddness and it worked so..." she took a sip from her mug.

"(y-"

She held her hand up stopping him. "Before you give me that I'm sorry shit...I should be used to the disapointment..he wasnt exactly an ideal father...king of hell never had time for me..." scilence filled the room and she found her mug more entertaning then a conversation.

Jack looked at her sadly before spotting two strays on the trayvshe brought in and smiled.

"(y/n)!" he slid his chair across the room waving his arms franticly. "Ja-" She looked up and stoped seeing he had the straws wedged in his mouth like a walrace. His chair spun into hers and she let out a happy laugh.

And hugged him. He paused a d hugged back. "Thank you..."

[fanficksandimagines]

"You are buying me food for this." - I.J.

Ian Jeffrey X reader

Request: Nope

Word count: idk. I'm writing on my phone.

A/N~ Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I wrote an Ian Jeffrey imagine. Wha-chu-gonna-do? I read a Tom Holland imagine yesterday called "Be my boyfriend for 15 minutes" (I think that was the name of it) and then watched Ian 1st ever yt video and came up with this. Hope ya'all enjoy! Happy Tuesday and may God bless!

We were at a party. It was something like a youtuber events after party where the youtuber could bring their plus ones. Since I was visiting my childhood besties aka the Dolan twins, and Ian was visiting James, the full version of the sister squad ended up here.

The after party took place in a club, but it was all about drinking and getting wasted. There were some other things to do and we were all enjoying them, until we got a bit tired and decided to just go sit down by a table and chat.

A few minutes later Ian went to the bathroom. We kept the convo going. I was chatting about "girl stuff" with Emma and James, whilst the twins tried ro understand what even the topic was. A little bit latter Ethan excused himself from the table and went to the bathroom.

Then we started talking about some crazy stuff we did as childs, most if my memories linking up with Graysons. Ethan came back and joined us.

"Wait, where's Ian?" James suddenly realised that his younger brother was gone for longer than he should've.

"Did he go to the bathroom?" Emma spoke.

"That was like 15 minutes ago." Gray said.

"I was just there, I didn't see him." Eth answered.

James' face was washed over with worry.

"Text him, maybe he went outside or something." I suggested.

James did as I said, took his phone and staryed typing away, whilst we all took a look around trying to spot Ian from our seats.

"Shit." James whispered.

"He's not answering?" Gray asked.

"He is. Ian's kinda in trouble."

"What'd he do?" Eth chuckled slightly.

"Long story short- there's this girl that he once hanged out with but didn't like, and she's been stalking him ever since. And not like "I have a crush on you so I stalk your ig" kinda stalking, but almost like "I know what time did you sneeze and where you live" kind."

"That's scary." Emma said and I nodded agreeing.

"Yeah, and she's here. He says he ran into her by the bar and he tried to tell her to stop."

"And?" Ethan asked clearly intrigued.

"And he told her that he has a girlfriend who's here?" James read the text he received a minute ago.

"I tought he was single?" Grayson questioned.

"That's the point."

"Well we need to find him a fake girlfriend then." Emma said gaining all of the boys looks. "What? NO! Hell no, I'm not good at shit like that." She refused.

"I'll do it." I shrugged, now all of them looking at me.

"Really?" James seemed surprised.

"I volunteer as tribute!" I chuckled and out my hand up like I was from Hunger Games. I stood up and made my way trough the people, leaving a 'sorry' or 'excuse me' here and there.

After a little bit I spotted Ian near the bar talking to another girl. His back was facing my way so I walked up to him from behind and quickly grabbing his right hand and locking our finger.

"Hey, handsome! Sorry I was away for so long." Ian was obviously caught off guard, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and quickly whispered "play along" for only him to hear.

"It's o-okay." Ian really seemed creeper out. I gave his hand a soft, reassuring squeeze.

"Ahem" the girl in front of us brought our attention to herself, as she stood there, her hands crossed on her chest.

"Who's this?" I questioned as if I was clueless.

Ian looked at her,then at me.

"She's uh- sh-"

"Lucy. I am Lucy with the 'y''." Her tone was full of hatred.

"I'm y/n. Nice to meet you" I pushed my hand her way for her to shake, but she gave me a nasty look instead.

"So, you are the girlfriend, huh?"

"Yeah, I am." I kept holding Ian's hand. He was shaking slightly and I could tell that his breathing was a little uneasy.

"Can you both wait here for a moment. I need to grab a drink." She said and walked off to the bartender.

She stood like 13 feet away from us and didn't take her eyes away from where we stood.

"Should we run?" Ian whispered.

"She's watching us and it's pretty crowded everywhere. We won't get too far."

"She's crazy."

"Just play along and we'll get away from her."

"I'm bad at lying."

"Oh, are you? Then why did you tell her you have a girlfriend? I think you're a pretty decent liar."

"It was out of momentum."

"Well then, imagine were actually dating ")'out of momentum'. Just no kissing."

"What if she asks something. Like about us dating?"

"Come up with something. Just don't stumble with your words."

"Okay."

"And don't stand like you're frozen. Put your arm around me or something. Don't be awkward."

"Why do I feel like this is an actual argument a couple would have."

"Maybe because we are a couple at the moment."

"Fair point" we were having the whole conversation with our voices barely lauder than whispers.

"Just relax." I mumbled to myself.

"I'm trying." Ian mumbled as well.

Lucy came back to us with a drink in her hand and the fakest smile spread across her face.

"So how did you two meet?"

"Trough friends. We just hanged out in the same squad." He pulled me closer and wrapped his arm around my waist, "She's very smart and cute, and she's fun to hang out with."

Even if this whole thing was pretend, my cheeks started blushing.

"Not to mention that she's obviously beautiful." He added.

"Interesting. How long have you been dating? Must be recent, since I've never seen you on a date or anything."

"S'cuse me, what?"

-seen you on a date? Is she really stalking him like that?-

"I mean like on social media."

"Well, not everyone posts every little thing online." Ian stated the obvious.

"Oh" She chuckled, " so you guys' relationship is just a little thing? And I tought it was something serious for a moment."

This girl was starting to get me pissed and my blood was slightly boiling.

-If someone says 'no' multiple times to you, then it means no.-

"Why are you interested in our relationship anyways?" I asked, my voice turning from nice and polite to poisonous.

I took Ians' hand in mine, as if it would help me calm down.

"Well, Ian and I are actually going out too."

I looked at Ian as if questioning him.

"Lucy, we hanged out one time, and it was like half year ago. I can tell you the same as I said then, I'm not interested in you, sorry... besides I like y/n and we're dating... so.. could you leave me alone, please?"

"You really like a bich like her?"

-what now?-

"Sweetie, I'm not a bitch."

"Oh stop the bullshit. You're not dating, it's all just a big lie you came up with."

"That's it, I'm done. Either you stop stalking me and leave ms alone or I'm turning you in to the cops."

"So it is a lie."

Ian was noticeably full of it as he squeezed my hand and breather more heavily.

"Are you kidding me? Do you have anyth-"

Out of momentum, I decided to break my own rule. I took his shirt near the collar and pulled him closer to me than ever, before kissing him.

Something about the kiss seemed wrong and right at the same time. More right than wrong, tought.

His slightly chapped lips slid against mine so perfectly, that it made the butterflies go wild in my stomach. I never wanted it to end.

"Disgusting." Lucy said snapping me back in reality.

We pulled apart, "Satesfied?" Ian's eyes never left mine.

"Was nice meeting ya, Lucy with a 'y'." I flipped her off as I staryed to walk back to where I came from, this time taking Ian by his hand and pulling him with me.

"Oh, thank god, you're alive." James shoot up form his seat and hugged Ian, which he didn't seem too happy about but hugged back anyways.

"Yeah, thanks to y/n." He chuckled as James let go of him.

"You are a life saver." He announced whilst sitting down in one of the seats.

"And you are buying me food for this." I chuckled pointing at him.

"Only if we call it a date."

[diyunho]

The Joker X Reader - “Forgotten”

Being captive for so long inside that high security prison wasn’t easy. After breaking out, you’d better snap out of it soon. The Joker’s been to hell and back also, but you hallucinating about offsprings you don’t have is a new, different level.

Everything in your mind is clouded and distorted after the electroshock therapy session this morning. All the meds they force you to take never seem to help, they actually make everything worse. You’ve been listening to the screams, gunshots and clamoring outside your sealed doors for about 2 hours now. A riot?… A breakout?… Who knows and it doesn’t really matter since you’re trapped.

The sound of the heavy metal gate opening gets you out of trance.

“You’re welcome, my beautiful people!” the intercom voice sarcastically announces.” I take it back; some of you are really ugly!” (muffled snickering) “Now get out there and have fun!”

You struggle to concentrate on your steps and carefully walk out on the hallway, coughing when you inhale the smoke creeping up all over the place. Dead bodies scattered all over, inmates and guards alike. You see prisoners running around, some of them bumping into you and almost knocking you down. It makes it even harder to focus.

“Watch it, bitch!” you hear a raspy voice and you get pushed out of the way, getting slammed against the wall. You would normally fight back with tooth and nail after such offense, but at the moment you can barely function.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?! Stupid idiot, this is Mister J’s woman!” you distinguish the tall man in front of you kicking the other one away.

“…How…how am I supposed to recognize her without the hair and makeup?” the inmate tries to defend his action, startled. You involuntarily touch your short hair, remembering they cut your long, red locks adorned with neon green highlights a few months ago. All that is left is your natural color: a dark blonde clipped short in some type of pixie style you don’t like at all.

“Shut the hell up moron, and go make yourself useful ! Kill a warden or something!” your rescuer snaps, lifting his Scarecrow mask just a little bit, enough to bring your hand to his lips and kiss it. “Apologies my Queen,” he smirks, “that simpleton wouldn’t recognize royalty even if it hit him in the head!”

“D-Doctor Crane, h-have you seen J ?” you stutter, even dizzier now that the smelly vapors made their way into your lungs and brain. Not what you need, that’s for sure.

Jonathan lets go of your hand, adjusting the mask on his face.

“Yes, he was in the control room with me, I believe tried to reach your men and then went away!” So much ruckus and noise; Scarecrow is basically screaming at you and yet you can hardly comprehend what he’s saying. “Hold on,” he places your back against the wall, turning around to shout as loud as he can: “DID ANY OF YOU JERKS SEE THE JOKER?”

A few detainees close by heard Crane and one of them points out towards the north side of the corridor:

“I passed him by about 5 minutes ago; I think he’s looking for her!”

“Good,” Jonathan concludes, giving you a soft nudge in the pinpointed direction. “Proceed, milady and don’t let these assholes bother you!” he mischievously laughs, grabbing a machine gun from a corpse under his feet. You start walking, hoping you’ll find J soon.

Explosion in the distance, more fumes and commotion; it certainly doesn’t do wonders for your state of mind.

More inmates run by and you continue to pace, holding on to the wall, trying not to fall over the cadavers. The first detail that stands out in the thick smoke is his green hair. You smile, relieved, reaching your hands out, striving to run without succeeding.

“J!… J !!!! “ you call his name, trying to get his attention.

“Y/N!!!” the Joker gasps, finally seeing you. He rushes over and takes you in his arms, tightly embracing you as he pushes you in the closest cell. “Princess, I’ve been searching for a while,” he growls, tilting his head backwards so he can see you.

“I’m so glad y-you’re O-OK,” you stammer, fighting not to slur your words, but it’s hard. You hug him again, breathing in his scent; it calms you down a bit.

“Where’s your hair, Pumpkin?!” he inquires, distressed, caressing your short, dull hairdo.

“It’s been gone for a while, baby,” you softly chuckle in his ear. “I didn’t behave so they took away a lot of my privileges.”

“Good girl!” J praises but continues to complain. “Don’t they know I like to play with your hair until I fall asleep?! What am I supposed to do now, hm?” he frowns, debating on the options. Not much to work with.

“You don’t like my new style?” you whisper, even if you predict the answer.

“I hate it!!” The Joker admits without any trace of hesitation, leaning over for a fast kiss. “We need to go before they take this place back, come on!” he hurries you, dragging out of the room before you utter anything else.

“Baby…” you yank at his hand and he turns, marching faster as you stagger behind him. “…baby, w-where are our children?”

“What?” he makes you repeat since you’re back on the hallway and everything’s lauder again.

“Where are our kids?”

The Joker pauses, biting on his lip, puzzled at what came out of your mouth. He presses you against a concrete pole, checking you out with an intrigued expression on his face.

“We don’t have any children, Doll. What are you talking about?!” he bites his lip, touching your burning cheeks with his fingers.

Great, you’re delirious from the meds and God knows what else, exactly what he needs right now. But he’s been there before and he knows it won’t last forever.

“Do you think they’re alright?” you ignore his statement, insisting on a confirmation from his part.

“There are no kids, Y/N, ok?” J attempts to reason with you and takes a deep breath, sadly validating his belief that you are in a worse shape than he is. “We need to move, let’s go!” and he starts hauling you away so violently you almost fall down on your knees behind him. “Faster, Doll, come on!” He guides you up and down the swirly corridors while you cough up a storm, chocking with the intense smell of blood, gun powder and ashes. One thing you know: you can’t let go of his hand so you do your best trying to keep up with his fast walk.

Finally out of the building and he looks left and right, deciding to follow a group of inmates lead by Doctor Crane towards the South wall of the heavily gated perimeter.

“Are you staying for some fun?” Scarecrow checks, handing over a gun to The Joker.

“No, we need to get out of here,” he shortly responds, still struggling to pull your weight.

“Too bad then, but suit yourself and hurry up; I’m sure they will send reinforcements soon. We opened the small gate that leads to the woods; right there!” Jonathan shows him, starting to run after the men that left him behind.

“Come on, Pumpkin, make an effort!” J grunts, placing your arm around his neck so he can aid you stride rapidly.

The alarms start blaring even louder after you take a few steps in the forest.

“We have to get away from here as far as possible,” he pants, abandoning his plan of helping you walk since it’s not working too well. He grabs your hand again, yanking it every few seconds because you’re falling behind.

“W-where are we going?” you whine, wiping your face with your t-shirt, feeling you’re going to faint.

“I got a hold of our people and told them to meet us south of here, I don’t want them near this place; we can’t risk being caught again. We’ll have to make it through the woods for more than a day; it’s quite the distance but I gave them the coordinates,” J strains to help you over a huge fallen tree, contemplating the steep hill ahead.

“Baby, we didn’t leave the kids behind, did we?” J discerns the mumbling behind him and he sighs, exasperated. “They weren’t with us, right…?…”

“No, they weren’t. Our children are fine,” he mutters, not wanting to get mad about it since he can’t reason with you.

You’d better snap out of it soon. He’s been to hell and back also but you hallucinating about offsprings you don’t have is a new, different level.

“Oh, that’s great,” and you instantaneously sound so cheerful that he squishes your palm harder, not affording the luxury of stopping to check up on his girl.

 You walk for hours and hours, barely taking small breaks. It’s a miracle you didn’t pass out yet since you have a terrible fever. The Joker considers abandoning you because the questions about your nonexistent kids keep on repeating every so often and you get on his nerves, but doesn’t have the heart to. Even if you slow him down and seem incoherent, you’re still his Princess.

You finally stop to rest when the evening comes, taking shelter under a thick grove. J would like to continue but it will be really dark soon and hard to see.

“I’m thirsty,” you tug on his t-shirt, not being able to fall asleep.

“Me too, Doll, just hang in there, huh?” he protectively wraps his arms around you, trying to keep you warm. It gets colder when the sun goes down. You lick you lips, listening to all the sounds of the forest.

“I’m hungry,” you fuss but there is nothing to eat.

“Me too,” J plays with your hair, not having enough to even twist around his fingers once. “I hate it!” he grumbles, unsatisfied with everything, especially since he can’t even wind down doing what he loves to do.

“I have such a headache baby,” you yawn, and he kisses your forehead, thrilled you didn’t mention anything about children in the last couple of hours.

“Me too,” he confesses, caressing your waist.

“It’s so cold,” you shove into him, shivering. “I missed you so much,” you breathe on his chest, squeezing him as hard as you can.

“Don’t tempt me, Kitten,” he purrs, trying to control his desire. “It’s been so long,” The Joker moves his head forwards so he can kiss you. “You’re burning up, Y/N,” he notices and you close your eyes, exhausted.

“I’m good, don’t worry,” you move your hand around his neck so he can’t go away. He is so close and you have the awkward impression he’s not close enough. “Are you really here?” you open your eyes again, wanting to see him before it gets dark.

“I am here,” The Joker confirms, giving you one of his silver grins you adore with all your being. “You want my shirt?” he offers, feeling you tremble more.

“No, I have you to keep me cozy,” you snicker and J is delighted you appear better. “My shirt is all wet, makes me even colder,” you get up on your knees, still holding on to him for balance.

“You’re gonna strip for me?” he elbows you, snarling.

“A little bit,” you smile, pulling the garment over your head while turning so you can lay it on the grass. The Joker stares at you, shocked. You instinctively cover your breasts with one hand and touch your locks with the other. “Umm… I-I know I don’t look very pretty right now,” and your eyes get teary, dark thoughts racing in your troubled mind.

“It’s …not that, Kitten,” he gulps, slowly turning you again so he can look at your back: the portraits of your children tattooed on your skin, names right under – Emma & Kase, with a huge inscription at the base of your spine: “Property of Joker.” His finger traces their faces, intrigued, searching through his broken memories, appalled at himself: it’s not that you were hallucinating about your kids, it was him that forgot about them after what he’s been subjected to.

“What’s wrong?” you whisper, tilting your head so you can see him. He’s so alarmed it makes you panic. “What’s wrong?” you reiterate, cupping his face.

“Y/N, where…where are our kids?!”

You start crying, hovering over him.

“That’s what I’ve been asking all day! I can’t remember if they were with us or not,” you cover your mouth, sobbing louder.

J pulls you on top of him, showering your face with kisses:

“I’m sorry, Doll, I’m sorry. I…I can’t remember either. I bet you anything they’re with Frost, we never take them with us…yes?” he guesses, desperate to calm you down.

You nod a yes, uncontrollably weeping and shuddering from the cold you don’t even feel anymore. You fall asleep crying; a dreamless, unsettling daze, wasted and drained from all the emotions and physical ordeal of today’s events.

Even if he was tired as hell, J didn’t sleep all night. The fact that he forgot his children made him cringe. It wasn’t his fault but it didn’t make it better. Somebody will have to pay for such affront. The Clown Prince of Crime doesn’t forgive or forget. Ever.

*************************** Your men did find you after almost another day. As expected, you were both in a bad state but it didn’t matter when you heard they did have your kids. You were both incarcerated for almost a year, yet your 4 year old twins were well looked after as instructed. You had rules in place in case something happens to either you or The Joker and it sure came in handy.

When you found out HE tried to retrieve Emma and Kase in your absence, you asked for a meeting late at night at the secret location out of town. He agreed, knowing it won’t be pleasant.

** As soon as Bruce Wayne gets out of his car, he regrets the stupid decision.

“Don’t try to take my kids again, do you hear me?” you walk towards him, ready to slap him but you stop yourself in time.

“They need a safe environment, Y/N,” he defends his action you obviously found out about.

“With you??!!! “ you scream, furious your cousin dares uttering such nonsense. “They are OUR children, not yours! How are you a better choice? We have arrangements in case of emergency so back the fuck out!” you push him away, mad at his high and mighty attitude.

“Dammit, Y/N, you were sent to infiltrate his empire, to help bring it down and capture him! And…and…”, Bruce raises his voice also, “ you had The Joker’s children??!!! How did you even do that???!!!”

“I slept with him, that’s how!!!!” you sniffle, huffing, aggravated at his remarks.

“Don’t be crass, Y/N!”

“Don’t ask stupid questions!” you snap, punching the hood of his car.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he speaks in a lower tone, wanting to improve the current situation.

You take a few deep breaths because your temper is kicking in.

“We had our kids because we wanted them, got it?! If you are concerned about his parenting skills, I’ll have you know he’s no better or worse than other fathers. Definitely more challenging, but he manages. WE manage, OK? I keep an eye on things, don’t interfere!”

Bruce opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off.

“Where were you when I was locked away, forced to treatments I didn’t need or want? Hm? Oh, that’s right, I’m crazy because I love him. And he’s an insane psychopath, right? Is this the diagnosis? Or are they just guessing still?” you continue your unstoppable tirade, fed up with all the crap.

“I did search for you, I swear I did!” he rubs his eyes, impatient to talk.

“With all your resources and you couldn’t find me?! You truly expect me to believe that?”

Bruce rolls his eyes, sighing.

“You’d better come to your senses or I’ll let everyone know who you are, starting with him,” he threatens, upset at your behavior.

“Do that and I’ll make sure everyone knows who you are, starting with him,” you have a comeback and you mean it. Bruce Wayne touches his face, wishing you were still a little girl so he can tell you what to do. You used to followed his lead; now it’s way complicated, a real mess. “I have to go,” you announce, clenching your jaw; there’s so much tension between you. “Don’t try to follow me or anything, I’ll know.”

You step away slowly, carefully measuring your steps and debating if you should say it or not.

“Bruce…” you softly call out his name when he’s about to get in the car. “If we both get killed one day, you can take our children. Other than that, you can’t,” and you continue to walk, realizing your cousin won’t answer. He starts driving and stops the car when he gets near you. You gaze at each other for a few seconds then he speeds away in the night, turned apart by the whole state of things. You are more than flustered and keep on walking downhill, taking a right on the first street at the bottom. You begin to walk faster and faster, running through the park, then pacing about 5 more blocks and finally reach the small dark alley where J is waiting for you in a black, unmarked SUV.

“How did it go?” he winks and your teary eyes answer for you. “That bad, hm?” he sulks, kissing your hand.

“Things needed to be said,” you sniffle, and J lets go of your hand, beginning to drive.

“It’s soooo sweet how he thinks I don’t know,” he maliciously snickers, wanting to cheer you up.

“You promised a long time ago you won’t do anything reckless,” you address The Joker, frowning.

“Me, reckless?! Are we talking about the same person?!” He’s content when he sees a smile on your lips. “Come on, Pumpkin, I would be so bored without him!” J chuckles and you kiss his cheek, absent minded. “Hey, Princess, do you have any more space on your back for another tattoo?” he bites his lower lip, enticed.

It takes you a few moments to analyze what he said and it makes you happy.

“There’s always room for one more,” you agree and he takes your left hand, placing under his on the steering wheel so he can have you close.

“We gotta keep uncle Batsy busy, am I right?” he glares in your direction and you slap his shoulder.

“You’re not funny, stop it!”

“Ugghhhh,” he grouchily moans. “I’m always funny. Ssstttt, don’t talk back, woman!” he scolds when he sees you want to probably be sassy and reply with a smart remark. “I’m taking you out to a very late dinner, Frost is babysitting,” J proudly boasts about his little surprise.

“Didn’t he have a date?” you inquire, intrigued.

“Yes, he’s babysitting with his date. What better way to spend the night than taking care of your boss’s kids, correct?!”

“Jesus, baby, you ruined his plans,” you scoff and he gently runs his fingers on top of yours, still holding them captive on the steering wheel.

“Couldn’t care less, I need to be alone with my girl,” he shamelessly admits. “We need to work on the new face to be added to that tattoo, am I right?” and he expects a reply.

“You’re always right,” you cut him some slack.

“I know! That’s what I keep on saying and nobody listens,” he criticizes, glad to see you’re not upset anymore. “But, Doll, what am I supposed to pull when we have sex? Your hair is still so short,” he teases, confident you find this very seductive.

“That’s your only problem right now?! Why do you bring it up every single time?” you mock, irritated.

“I hate it!” he discloses with no hesitation whatsoever.

“You’re so rude!” you shake your head, biting on your cheek.

“I know!  And thanks, you know I will forever take it as a compliment.”

He’s not even lying.

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[lozzielivandlupus-blog]

A not so happy anniversary!

So it’s been a year since my diagnosis and I thought do you know what... I’m going to write a blog... not only about the L word but also about my life in general and the marvellous little Olivia! 

Firstly I thought I’d share with you all the struggles and reality of the dreaded illness that is LUPUS and how the first year has been (effing awful in a nutshell!!) Here goes...

So, like many of you I had no idea what Lupus was, infact I’d never even heard of it. I just thought ‘Ah yeah, annoying rash, cream will fix that and I’ll be good to go’ HOW WRONG WAS I? One Friday night (shortly after diagnosis) Jack and I were getting ready to go out and I’m straightening my hair, Jack comes in and that moment was the start of my life beginning to crumble around me (sounds dramatic right?!) He says ‘Babe, I don’t want to freak you out but you’re losing your hair” Not fazed I said ‘Yeah, I know babe it comes out in clumps’ Then he takes a picture of the top of my head and there I saw the giant bald patch for the first time and that was the moment I lost my first bit of confidence and we broke down together. If only we knew what we were in for from that moment...

We really didn't know the seriousness of Lupus and just how quickly my body would turn on itself, from the alopecia, ulcers in my mouth, ears and nose, arthritis, tiredness like I've never felt even after sleeping 12 hours a night (the only way I can explain how I feel daily is that I have one savage motherfucking hangover!!) without the epic party the night before. Then there’s the rash, crikey the nasty rash that literally spreads like wildfire... thank goodness for Estee Lauder Doublewear!! 

I had 3 admissions to hospital in 2016, I contracted an infection from the rash which the consultant told me I would have been in a coma if I had gone to the hospital any later than I did, I’m surprised I don’t look like Arnie with the amount of steroids I’ve taken or had pumped into me over the last 12 months!! I take 5 different medications daily which is a mission in itself as I am a bloody wimp when it comes to taking tablets! I have to build myself up to taking them every morning and give myself a little pep talk, silly I know but it’s the only way to stop the deep anxiety that creeps up on me. Another dreaded symptom, the anxiety and the D word. I’ve always been this crazy, outgoing and super confident person, always the first to chat to people and make new friends and if Lupus has done anything to me it has taken that all away from me, I feel like I am a shell of a person now, I certainly do not recognise the person staring back at me when I look in the mirror ( I actually hate looking in the mirror) I feel like I am in this weird dream/nightmare and I’m waiting to wake up from it every single day and just go back to my old life... would be nice hey?!

Every day is SO different for me, some days I feel very depressed and so sad, I literally do not even want to exist and sob all day. Some days I manage a walk to the park with Liv (who may I add is my absolute angel and along with Jack honestly keep me going) other days I feel slightly better. I still get out of bed every morning and put a great big smile on my face and I’m Mum and that little girl will tell me I’m beautiful, that she loves me and ask me if I’m happy every day. 

I get worried that I will lose friends along the way of this dreaded journey because I do have to cancel a lot of plans, to be honest I can’t really make plans, some days the pain is so bad I can’t even move. It must sound like a cop out every time I say ‘I’m too tired’ But I promise its not. The worst thing is I don’t really look sick!! The best is when I’m told ‘Oh don’t be lazy and just walk’ LAZY?!!! HAHAHAHAHA! If I don’t laugh I’ll cry and I do that way to much as it is, Jack must be sick of my cry face by now!!

Then there’s the overwhelming guilt I have that I have ruined our lives as a family, the fact that I’ll never be able to take my little girl swimming because the chlorine will cause me to flare up or I’ll never be able to run around after her on the beach and as a parent simple things like that are absolutely heartbreaking. Also Jack has to see the love of his life suffering day in day out, for me that would be hell. I’m going to leave on a positive note today, I do have a husband who is my best friend and is the most understanding and caring person I’ve ever met and goes above and beyond for me... a daughter who, well we all know Liv, what a special little human she is! A fantastic family and friends who I miss more than anything, so it’s not all bad! 

Until the next time :-) x

[peachhplum]

THE SURPRISING THING I LEARNT ON A DAY COURSE AT LONDON FLOWER SCHOOL

Hello darlings! Today I'm sharing with you a chilled out, inspiring day I had over at the London Flower School last week. I was invited along to try out one of their short courses, which include learning how to make a hand tied bouquet as well as the course I chose, flowers inspired by art. But instead of learning how to make pretty floral arrangements I learnt something really quite unexpected...

Image via Bloom Press

As I arrived at LFS I was expecting a lesson in creating pretty flowers. And firstly I have to say, what an amazing space! The old Estee Lauder training centre has been taken over by the founders of London Flower School and turned into an airy, open space that's perfect for practical learning. I was taking the 'inspired by art' class. 

The staff introduced themselves. They were incredible - so passionate and knowledgeable. These people oozed creativity and all have such credible backgrounds coming from the likes of Claridges and McQueens.

We started the session talking about how Dutch still life painters captured the beauty of flowers in weird and wonderful displays. We observed the paintings and how they used different types of colour palettes - analogous, complementary, triadic and split complementary, before being introduced to the flowers we would be using in our first creation.

First, we worked on an asymmetric front facing arrangement in a shallow display dish thing (technical term yeah) using something called a flower frog. A clever little contraption, a flat base with spikes that allows you to impale the stem of a flower and have it stand upright. Brilliant for creating dramatic looks. This is a flower frog. 

And then it began. We were taken through a demonstration where the tutor worked, and we basically, watched. He instinctively selected flowers and arranged them into a shape like nothing I'd ever seen on sale before. Hell, like nothing I'd seen displayed anywhere before, ever.

This wasn't 'flower arranging'. This was ART. 

First we created an asymmetric shape using bigger, stiffer flowers such as eucalyptus and thistle. Then we grouped together colourful flowers as we went then finalised with little pops of contrasting colour. As I worked I realised that this wasn't an easy task.

This blew everything I knew about flowers out of the water.

Nothing I knew was relevant.

These flowers weren't there to look pretty, they were there to capture your attention and make you be, simple, stunned.

The high street bouquets were irrelevant.

Weirdly I kept referring back to what I knew of flower displays, big and symmetrical, fan shaped almost. Without meaning to. The tutors helped me to see or 'feel' what I was doing with my display and move away from typical notions of what a beautiful floral display is. I LOVED THIS. It completely pushed me to break outside of everything I knew, in an area that I knew nothing about and create something extraordinary. 

Here's what I created.

I was super happy with how this turned out, but let me just say - I had a LOT of help!

These were the other two students beautiful designs... AMAZING! It was so interesting how everyones were so different even though we all had the same flowers to work with. 

In the second half of the day we worked on a natural arrangement in an urn. This was using a more analogous palette of soft pastels. Instead of the flower frog we used chicken wire to create an internal structure which we could push the flowers in to.

We then conditioned the flowers (removed leaves that would be under water and snipped the stems) and then used the same technique as the first arrangement - shape first, then the main pretty flowers and then some to 'bring it together'.

I was told NOT to try and fill all the gaps, which again, instinctively I kept doing. ARRGH ALL THAT SOCIAL CONDITIONING ABOUT WHAT MAKES BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS! 

It was such a humbling experience to try my hand at something I knew nothing about and get into the mind of what makes a contemporary display. I can imagine some people would think this looks mental but I loved it.

It's so expressive and instinctive. And above all, it's art. 

I think I've fallen in love with this!

I wholeheartedly recommend the Inspired by Art class at London Flower School. The tutors are so incredible passionate and talented, it really is like watching art come to life in front of your eyes. I feel so humbled to have been taught by them and I can't wait to create more wacky displays! 

You can click here to learn more about the LFS and see all of their courses. 

S x

*I was gifted my place at the London Flower School but all thoughts are entirely my own and I only ever promote brands that I think are bloody awesome!*

[lemoncakesandlipsticks]

8 beauty gifts to add to your Christmas List now

We’re all about treating yourself every month of the year. Whether that’s buying yourself one of our subscription boxes or another best-of-beauty gift, make it your obligation to treat yourself because, obv, you deserve it. You’re about to give presents to literally everyone you know, so what’s one more for yourself? Check out these limited edition beauty products for a little inspiration:

Bobbi Brown – Limited Edition Caviar & Rubies eyeshadow palette, £55

Whether it’s bold, smokey eyes you want or a natural wash of taupe, Bobbi Brown is always a go-to brand for the best eyeshadows. These shades literally look like sparkling gems and we’re loving the surprisingly wearable blue and red.

Burberry Beauty Box, £50

A Burberry Beauty box? A box of four little treats – from nail varnish to mascara - to carry with you to your parent’s house, the in-laws, best friend’s NYE party and anywhere in between? We are sold and you will be too. Nails, lips and eyes covered.

Powder x NARS Beauty Drawer, £40

There isn't a person out there who wouldn't be happy with this joyous box of Nars wonder. You'll find 7 hero products inside - including their incred Copacobana highlighter, an Orgasm blusher and two, yes two, Laguna bronzers - liquid and powder! Plus find out how to create a look using each one, by watching our tutorial with one of their global artists.

MAC Snowball Classics Mini Kit, £85

This year, the 12 days of Christmas is all about a different shade of lipstick every day. This kit has 12 of MAC’s bestselling shades – from hot pink to caramel nude – and caters for every lipstick lover out there.

Dior 5 Couleurs Precious Rocks Emerald eye shadow palette, £43.50

There’s nothing better than having a Dior palette in your makeup bag. This one is inspired by emeralds and has a perfectly thought out mix of colour-popping greens and Christmassy gold tones to highlight the hell out of your inner eye.

Charlotte Tilbury Lip Masterclass Lip Kits, £130

She’s not only one of the world’s best loved makeup artists but Charlotte Tilbury has also brought back old Hollywood glamour in a big way. In each of these lip kits (colours include reds, nudes and pretty pinks) you get a lip liner, lipstick and gloss as well as tips on how to apply.

Estee Lauder Victoria Beckham X Estee Lauder Lit Beauty Box, £1,200

Yep, you are reading that price right. This is one of the most expensive limited edition makeup products on the market. Do you deserve it? Of course you do. Would we advise you to slap down rent money on products just for your face? We won’t judge. Look at the black box and imagine it sitting all elegantly on your dressing table as you pick up a lipstick or metallic eyeshadow and dress your face in fanciness.

Guerlain Gold Palette, £59

They don’t come much better than a Guerlain palette. Blend the molten bronze shadows onto your eyelids (and add a gold glint for evening) and buff the pretty peachy blushers onto apples of cheeks for a just-out-of-the-cold glow. We’re in love.

[theregulargirlreviews]

Well hello there, Beauties!! With this year coming to a close, it’s time to take a look back at all of the products I loved in 2017. 

2017 was filled with so much great makeup for me, both drugstore and high end, that it was super difficult to just pick one or two items that were my standouts for the year. Today’s post is going to just be base and face products, so we’re talking primer, foundation, powder, highlighter and blush. I won’t have favorites for bronzer, contour or setting spray because I don’t use any of those frequently enough to have a standout this year.

Don’t fret, my pets. There will be a post all about my favorite eyeshadow palettes, brow pencils, eyeliners and mascaras up next, as well as one for just lip products coming up soon. Those are my favorite products, so it’s taking me a little bit more time to go through them and pick the ones that really, really, REALLY brought me the most joy this year.

If you guys want to see a post about my Honorable Mentions for the year (aka the products I enjoyed, but didn’t use enough to classify them as legit favorites), just let me know in the comments and I’ll make it happen.

Now that we’ve gotten all of that stuff out of the way, let’s get into it!

I’m gonna go in order of application, so let’s start with primer.

Since my skin was oily for a majority of the year, it makes sense that two of my favorite primers of the year are mattifying primers. From the drugstore, my legit favorite favorite mattifying primer is the Rimmel Stay Matte Primer. It makes the skin super matte without making it feel uncomfortable. My favorite high end primer was the Murad Oil-Control Mattifier with SPF15. This summer especially, this primer kept me nice and matte plus gave me a little sun protection.

Choosing a liquid foundation favorite this year was a lot more difficult than I anticipated since my foundation use was hit or miss until a few months ago. However, when I took a look back at the entire year and asked myself which foundations were the most memorable for me, the three you see above made the cut. From the drugstore, the No7 Stay Perfect Foundation gave me all the feels. You can check out my review of it here if you like. Maybelline Fit Me Matte and Poreless is still my holy grail drugstore foundation, but the No7 Stay Perfect is a super close second. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t choose between the Lancome Teint Idole and the Estee Lauder Double Wear for my favorite high end foundations of the year. I love them both equally. ICYMI, I’ve reviewed both the Lancome and the Estee Lauder foundations here on the blog if you’re curious about them.

I didn’t have a favorite drugstore powder this year that immediately comes to mind, but the Estee Lauder Dual Finish Multitasking Powder and the Too Faced x Kandee Johnson I Want Kandee Banana Pudding were the face powders that blew me away the most this year. I used them pretty much exclusively the entire second half of the year. Now, my holy grail, will never ever let go of face powder is the Bare Minerals Perfecting Veil, but these two are definitely ones I plan to take into 2018 with me. Since the Kandee Johnson powder was limited edition, I’m glad I already have a backup on standby of it.

Without question, my favorite blush of the year was the Tarte Blush Bliss Blush Palette from their holiday releases. I know it hasn’t been out for the entire year, but this made the biggest impression on me out of any other blush I wore this year, and I tried out plenty. I love it so much that I gave my friend one so she could experience the awesomeness as well. The blushes are super pigmented and blend out like a dream. If you can still find this in Ulta, pick it up immediately and thank me later.

Hands down, my favorite highlighters this year were all from Becca. The Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed is my favorite high end highlighter formula. The shade shown above is Topaz, but I also have Champagne Pop, Proseco Pop, Bronzed Amber, Rose Gold and Lilac Geode. Plus, I got Becca’s holiday release, Apres Ski Glow Face Palette. My love for Becca’s highlighters is super real, as you already know if you’ve been reading my blog for any significant amount of time. They just melt into the skin so nicely without accentuating my pores and are just pretty as hell on the skin.

Those are all of the face products that I absolutely couldn’t go without this year. Let me know in the comments below what your standout face products were for 2017.

Until next time, Beauties!! xoxo

My Favorite Things: Best Face Products of 2017 Well hello there, Beauties!! With this year coming to a close, it's time to take a look back at all of the products I loved in 2017.