#hell yeeeeeah

[k3nny-l4mbda]

Ok so I had no idea this existed, but apparently there is a trans woman ghost character in Paper Mario for the GC and the italian translation is the most respectable and happy and overall cool where she is respected and like, give ma cube that plays those videogames right now bc that's amazing.

When I find stuff like this living in Italy is not that bad :)

[lnsania]

.

[velathetanager]

GUYS GUYS GUYS HE’S BACK!

[threepandas]

Bad End: Poisoned Cups

I hadn't adjusted well, at first. I don't think anyone could have. Being an elf sound cool, on paper. The better eye sight, the incredible hearing, the stamina. All sorts of perks right? But what they don't tell you, is that when your soul is human? When you get isekai'd by some divine oversight or fucker with a truck?

It doesn't adapt that well, to a new body. Your soul INSISTS you should still be human, with all the trappings, and throws a FIT, when you just.... aren't. So you end up with migraines. Eyes that swim in and out of focus. Wheezing, struggling, breathe. A body at war with itself.

The world was so loud. Too loud. I could hear EVERYTHING and it HURT. Couldn't breathe and THAT hurt. Was nauseated all the time, from my eyes refusing to focus properly. That too, hurt. All of it, pain. Just? Pain. Day after day, pain pain pain.

My poor parents were helpless. The doctors struggled.

But the King? HE could save me.

And he did.

He was younger then. Just barely into his rule. His Father having just stepped down. My parents, desperate, brought me before him. Waited in line for days. They didn't even know if he COULD do anything, were grimly prepared for him to say that sadly, nothing COULD be done. But? Instead? He looked me over, called for several old texts, looked again, then called upon the strength of the Throne.

My parents apparently started weeping the second I stopped.

All I remember is the pain going away. Being exhausted. A REALLY pretty elf man in a crown. Things getting... better, after that.

I was told that story often, as a child. It utterly transformed our household. From merely loyal citizens, to devote Loyalists. Speaking ill of the King in THIS house? Would now get you HURT. My parents had been convinced they were going to LOSE me. The King as far as they were concerned, saved my LIFE.

Which is why I didn't put anything together. Seeing as we were an "all King all the time" Sort of house. We had one(1) team and we were sticking to it. Permanently. His son? Eeeeh, maybe. We'd figure that out later. We didn't care to know. And I was too busy with school work to CHECK.

Which? Meant I didn't NOTICE? He looked? More and more... Otome Capture Target as time went on. Specifically, he looked kinda crown prince from "Dance of the Secret Forest! A True Love For Me?!" sort of Shaped. Which... gee, what ARE the odds? Especially given that so many OTHER things are named suspiciously similar or exactly the same to that game?

.........yeeeeeah. I decided not to take chances.

I looked that shit UP.

And wouldn't you know it? Protagonist-chan? Not there yet. But she SURE COULD BE! All the legends were EXACTLY what they should be. Forests and locations the same! PEOPLE the same! Oh HELL no. Good to know where NOT to be, I guess.

Not my circus, NOT my Otome Drama Monkeys.

I? Would be working for the KING. My family owed him a debt.

And when I graduated? I applied. Top of my class. I studied my ASS off. Could have gone anywhere. But I was aiming for the TOP. A debt to be repayed and frankly? Excellent job security on top of it! So filling busy work in dusty ass backrooms it was. Gotta start from the bottom, after all.

I exhausted them. Was honestly barely trying too at that point. They should see me TRYING to put my nose to the grindstone. Burn the midnight oil! Ha! HA, I say! Long elven lifespans slow you all down! I? Used to live in a capitalist hellscape! This is NOTHING.

I'm not even multi-tasking. It's not even LUNCH YET.

Did I get promoted? Yes. Do I worry my coworkers? Deeply! But shit needs doing and we don't have all day! There is a nation to run! Have some tea. Eat a turnover. Now~! Where are my fuckin documents~☆?

I get promoted again.

Then again.

Aaaaand again.

I'm pretty sure it's cause I scare people. Am FAST. Efficient. Willing to hunt my coworkers for SPORT, like a god damned bloodhound, if it means we get that one extra tax document that makes or breaks us. I have (and will again if necessary) climbed through people's fucking WALLS. Cause, honestly? If they wanted to stop me?

They should have warded the gods damned vents.

Fuckin casuals. Get on my level.

So, now? I am the baby. King's inner circle. And EVERYONE? Is damn near twice my age! And, granted, yes. It IS hilarious I still scare like half the people working under me... but come ON! You are elite government officials! Do BETTER! (Geez. At least my PARENTS couldn't be prouder.)

But... (and God damn it, why is there ALWAYS a "but"?) here's the thing. It? Took me a WHILE to get where I am now. Long enough, in fact, for our... Problem, to arrive. A Problem which is GOING to cast his Majesty's kingdom into chaos and turmoil, in fighting and divides. Religious upheaval. A PROBLEM, which? In the name of luuuuuv~?

Is going to get NEIGHBORING COUNTRIES involved.

And WHO do you think is going to have to deal with that? WHO will have to prevent all out WAR? Religious schisms? Ward off assassins in the night? Certainly not Mr. "But Daddy, I love her!". Oh no, HE gets to sit back and enjoy the fruits of his father's suffering! Make more trouble! (Fucker.)

But, hey! Maybe I should throw in with his SECOND son, right? The supporting character? He seems vastly more reasonable and emotionally more balanced doesn't he? Well educated, cautious, why, thoughtful even! Ha ha... yeah... he DOES seem that way, doesn't he?

SEEMS.

He Is Not. Little fucker is a SPECIAL flavor of batshit. Completely "wake to find him standing over you, in your LOCKED BEDROOM, asking if you want to see his new favorite knife" nutty puffs. Not sure which side of the family it comes from, to be honest. Disturbingly good at getting past my warding.

Or at least he WAS, until I got the King involved. Ha! Royal wards! You can't touch me! I sleep like a BABY now! The only people who can enter my rooms now? Are literally JUST me and the KING HIMSELF! How safe is that~‽

But for real... poor his Majesty, you know? It's not like he didn't TRY to be a good father. Take time he couldn't afford out of each day, to spend time with his sons. Insist on eating meals together so he could ask them about their interests, how each day had gone. Involved them where he safely could.

He's a somber man. A dignified one. But let NO ONE say, he is not a LOVING one.

And HOW do his children fucking reward him? Middle school love dramatics and MURDER ATTEMPTS IN THE NIGHT! Because, YES, I have found the disturbing murder board that the second prince has in his "secret" room. Right along his equally disturbing stalker board of ME.

I, obviously, told the King.

He did not look pleased.

Don't know if my new reality has, like, intensive therapy programs or something? But I hope for ALL our sakes, that the second Prince is at the winter palace getting HELP, instead of just? You know... plotting.

His Highness has a nasty tendency to plot, after all. But hey, his Majesty says not to worry about it? I choose to believe him. Concern myself with more immediate threats. Enjoy, no longer turning around to find some baby faced little creep with a hunter's stare, just... watching me. As I try to work. As I try to eat. Around corners, still as a statue, yet somehow a THREAT, in lonely and too empty corridors.

God fucking DAMN, his little "crush" was creepy!

If it weren't for his Majesty? I would have run and run FAR. But... but I? And you CAN NOT repeat this, okay? It's WILDLY inappropriate! A-And I SWEAR I'm never going to.. to ACT on it! I would NEVER. So...so PROMISE, okay?

....cause.... I may... MAY! Possibly! Just a LITTLE bit! Sorta, kinda, just a BIT? Have a TEENY? Little crush... on... his Majesty? Maybe???

YOU CAN'T TELL!

It's SO fucking inappropriate. Oh my GOD. I hate this so much!? Cause he's my BOSS! And old enough to be my DAD! I SHOULDN'T be so attracted to him, right?! Plus he's the KING! There's definitely a power imbalance there! How would that even WORK?! We would have no future! I don't know the first THING about how to BE royalty. And no one would accept me!

Not that I think I even have a CHANCE! Fuck no! I'm not THAT arrogant.

But, like? A girl can day dream. Fantasize, you know?

Which is why? Having his SON? Be a creepo stalker at me? Kinda the WORST. I've literally JUST discovered I'm into older men! Thanks! BEGONE, zygote! Also, your vibes are RANCID! No thanks! I hated that and am SO glad it's gone. Now? All I have to worry about? Is Protagonist-chan and the political SHIT SHOW she drags after her like trail of destruction.

Why is she involving foreign royalty? PLEASE stop involving foreign royalty! Dukes! Religious leaders! MILITARY LEADERS. Stop "Helen of Troy"-ing your ass through our nice, PEACEFUL, kingdom!!! What the ACTUAL FUCK!? This is NOT A THEME PARK.

I watch, vaguely horrified, as his Majesty finishes reading three (yes, count um! Fucking THREE!) different royal missives demanding three different women of legend, from three DIFFERENT legends, who coincidentally enough? Happen to ALL BE THE SAME PERSON. Fucking Protagonist-chan.

They were from long standing ALLIES.

We could not AFFORD to lose those.

And the FOURTH message? Oh, THAT? That, was from his SON! Mr. "But Daddy! I Love her!" HIMSELF! He wants permission to marry the random woman of unknown province he found in the woods! Could be a foreign spy! Could be a mad woman. Who CARES right? They're SO in love~

Enough to START A WAR OVER IT.

I skip the tasting cups and instead? Bring his Majesty a bottle of the strongest star wine I can find. The sort that could damn near eat through rocks and vaporizes in air if you pour it out. Pain killers too, for what HAS to be a killer headache. Then I hesitate. You know what? Fuck it. I grab a cart. Make a care package.

Paper, ink, the STRONG tea, that special occasions tea (in case he needs a reason to remember his will to live), some snacks, a few shawls in case he decides to work late...

It's worth it, to see the way his stressed face relaxs when I return. Eyes softening, corner of his mouth curling up in that tiny, secret, little smile. We can get through this. We WILL get through this. I may not be able to stand by his side, but? I can support him. Help.

So long as HE sits in this office, burning himself down to keep this nation warm, so too, will I.

Tea or booze, your Majesty?

"A blend, I think. Unfortunately, I fear it is going to be a long night for us both." He replies. His voice smooth and low, effortlessly filling the room. A lifetime of public speaking, ingrained so very deep. "You should pour yourself a cup as well, my dear. Sleep will be a long time coming, we will need both the calm and the clarity."

I rolled my borrowed tea cart to the side and got to work. Strong tea and stronger star wine. Certainly a... flavor. Fairly certain such a thing should be illegal. Pretty sure our healers are going to be appalled. But, oh well. Needs, must. One for me, one for him.

He held out a hand. It was a sweeping gesture of his arm, a gentle turn of his wrist. I could never get used to his casual... elegance. The beauty of him. Like a living art work. A dancer. As though he were an actor, striking a pose, about to consider the soul of the simple tea cup. I handed it over, gently and with as much elegance as I could.

It still felt clumsy in comparison.

Yet he still smiled, just slightly. In that way I had learned to spot. Tension dripping away from his shoulders like thawing ice. Running in little rivers like melt waters, as he sat back in his chair, half turning it to face me. A brief moment to relax. Before work begins again.

"Ah... completely vile. Thank you, dear. It's disgusting." He said dryly, catching me off gaurd, and making me damn near snort into my cup. "If it did not work so well? I would never consume this swill again. What a perfect waste of tea and wine. We should invite Yevault."

I laugh. A snirking, snorting, choked little thing into my cup. God, but I've been TRYING to laugh more elegantly. Hell, I've even practiced. But when he catches me off gaurd? I swear to God, I cackle and pop. Like some sort of deranged witch pig. Ow, my sinuses.

"Oh but that's right, Yevault is a healer, on the occasions he takes time from being an unbearable snob. He might actually make us rest, dear. Then where would we be?" His Majesty muses, taking another sip before grimacing at the taste.

I go to respond. Probably some quip about "preferably in bed" or "asleep". Only... only to find my tounge sluggish. My exhaustion mounting, not slipping away. The world has begun to sway. Just a little at first, then notable. My mouth... fuzzy? Prickly. W...what?

His Majesty has begun to frown. Delicately setting down his cup... cup? Something about... a cup... I have taken too long to respond. He rises. Strides in a few, urgent, steps over to where I lean. Against the edge of my assistants desk. Swaying~ swaying~ w-why is the ground... my tounge feels to big. Think? I've begone to drool?

Warm, big hands cup my face. Was slipping forward, to the side. Gonna fall? Not anymore. Up. Hi! Is the king. Hi King. I... I don't feel so good...

His eyes have gone focused and cold. Pretty. Crown begins to glow. Leaves. Gold and gold, a halo of light. From within and beyond him. Power of the throne. Oh... oh I was here before, wasn't I? My bones remember. Like the roots to his great tree, power seeping deeper and deeper into my body, finding imperfections to consume. So... so much LIGHT.

I can not look away.

"Poison, was it? How terribly banal. Do they think me so simple to kill?" There is scorn in his voice. Utter distain. But deep beneath, like the hidden embers of a forest fire, there is rage. "How dare they drag you into this. Bad enough they throw a FIT over some trouble making tart, now they get the innocent involved? What if I had not been paying attention? Or you had taken that tea where I could not see it? Unacceptable."

Like spreading branches, like antlers, the light spread. The hands on my face gentle even as his Majesty's face might as well have been carved from stone. I tried to protest, swallowing thinking past the still rolling nausea. It was my fault! The tasting cups exsist for a REASON. They're supposed to test for things like this. I got too comfortable.

"No." The word slammed down as about an absolute as any sentence CAN. A declaration from on high. The commandment of a king. "It takes far more then simple poisons or common blades to kill me. The power that flows through the Throne insures it. You do not have that luxury. You could have DIED."

"....might still yet."

The last bit, almost a confession, pressed to my brow as he leaned down to press his lips to my forhead. His grip tighter, as though to stop his hands from shaking. My joints were starting to hurt, like I had a nasty cold, and I was already starting to feel feverish. I was starting to drip sweat. Shit.

I tried to stay calm. But... but I was scared. What do I do? Your Majesty! What do I DO?!

"We are going back to my quarters. Work can be brought to me. You need to lay down." He decided after a long moment of deliberation. Something had shifted in his eyes. I couldn't make heads or tails of it. Clung to the only trustworthy source of comfort I knew, in the chaos of this moment. "I'm going to take care of you. I have you, dear. Just trust me, darling. I will fix this. I swear it. You don't have to worry about a thing. Just put all of your trust in me, all right?

"Just come with me, dear. Everything will be all right."

"You can trust me."

[hazbin-a-helluvamagines]

Hello ! I have a request for you so I hope you can do it ! 🩷 (no rush obviously, take your time ☺️💓)

I wanted to request for Verosika mayday and (she's my favorite gal) with a cute idol reader (they're in a relationship)

example for idol reader: (basically They're cute as hell)

Can be any gender you want

Verosika Mayday With A Cute Idol S/O

Now, I'll start this off with the obvious: before you start dating, she sees you as competition. I mean, how dare you come onto her turf and steal her fans?!

However, it doesn't take long for her to meet you with intent of threatening you away, only for her to begin swooning over you soon after.

You're just?? So sweet??? Like??

She's enamored with you, but she thinks it's suspicious. Soon after, though, she learns that it's not an act, that you really ARE that sweet and that cute.

It isn't long until you two start dating, and she makes it VERY clear to her posse that you're off-limits because you're HER sweet little S/O.

She'll also actually refrain from fucking people, either on earth or in hell, as long as she has you. She adores you beyond belief, viewing you as just too sweet to do that to.

Now, she's got that pop star money. So anytime she sees anything that even SLIGHTLY reminds her of you, congratulations, you've got twelve.

You two would bond over music, definitely. No matter what kind of music you sing (I assume pop based on the term 'idol'), and she'll even suggest karaoke dates for the both of you.

Plus, she'll integrate herself into your professional life, too, with collabs! Interchanging, switching vocals, with one of you singing your part of the main chorus and the other doing the backing vocals, and vice versa.

Another thing: she'll have you help with writing songs and everything! It's nice dating another musician, because you both know how to support each other endlessly.

If you're a succubus and you're interested in seducing humans together, perfect, she'll do that with you! But if not, that's okay, she only needs you.

Because you're so sweet and cute, though, it'd be a long time before she opened up about her psst relationship with Blitzø and how he broke her heart.

That said, she'll write a diss track about him with lines along the lines of "fuck you, got my new boo". She's petty, even if you aren't, and unless you say you're uncomfortable, she isn't gonna stop putting you in her pettiness anytime soon.

She'll help you with outfit coordination and ask for the same in turn, figuring that if you're both coordinated, it's a sly way to show everyone that you're hers.

PDA is a must, but it'll be lower than if you weren't an idol, because she doesn't want to risk you being made upset if it's in the tabloids. Anything that can be construed as 'friendly', she'll do in public. The kissing and stuff is saved for later. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That said, if anyone ever flirts with you in public, she has no shame in making out with you or grabbing your ass right there in public, just to show that person that you're hers and only hers.

And likewise, if anyone ever flirts with her, she'll grab your hand and offer a cruel smirk while she turns them down.

"Yeeeeeah, no. I already have a fucking amazing S/O, who's most definitely better in bed than a lame fuckstain like you ever would be."

She'll try harder to get through rehab entirely for you. She wants to see that sweet, adorable smile on your face when she tells you that she's done with the Beelzejuice...

Basically, contrary to what you'd think, your sweetness an innocence inspires her to be better.

Although...

There's always a small part of her that wants to corrupt you more than anything else.

"Aww, S/O, you look almost good enough to eat~."

"Are you saying I'm sweet? :D"

"...Yeah."

She would never do that of course, but the thought is kind of just... there. But she loves you too much to ever try to do that to you.

All in all, Verosika is a good girlfriend to you, and both your professional and personal lives are filled with love and laughter together.

And she'll be damned if she lets anyone keep you apart...

Ever.

[coollyinterferes]

His small smile dropped for a moment when his unsaid question was answered and the truth behind Cayla’s ears (and tail) seemed to unfold. It came back right away before the girl noticed (or so he hoped, at least).

“Why thank you.” He then responded to Cayla’s compliment about his name and listened to the girl’s explanation about what she was doing there. Of course, Robert wasn’t going to go full into details and tell her the place was packed with criminals. Granted, most of those criminals worked for him and were under strict orders to never harm a child, but the same couldn’t be said about rival gangs and other random criminals who operated on their own.

“You shouldn’t be hangin’ around this area. It ain’t a safe place for kids.” He warned, not trying to lecture the girl but showing some degree of concern. “I’ll walk you outta this place afterwards if that’s alright?” A polite request that he hoped wouldn’t receive a ‘no’ for an answer. It was then that the time to make the now inevitable question came.

“I don’t intend t’ be rude or anythin’, I’m just curious!” He explained himself before he finally asked, that curiosity he spoke of seeping through his voice as he went on, “Say, are those the real deal?” Question accompanied by a soft gesture of what’s normally known as ‘bunny ears’ that he made with his hands on top of his head, around the same spot where Cayla’s ears sat on her head, trying to make it obvious what he was talking about.

Cayla smiles bashfully, her tail wagging at the compliment, confirming that he wasn’t imagining things. “And I’ve never heard of it, but I like your name too!” It was social etiquette that she was taught to compliment someone right back if they do it first. She’s considered lucky that nobody bothered her so far. Being around somebody that wasn’t giving off bad feelings was calming her nerves a lot more. Though, his question left her with a thoughtful look.

“Uhm…just…taking a little walk. I’ll be-” Soft cough. “I’ll head home before it gets dark…!”

[alipeeps]

Episode 40 (aka Hold me, I am not ready for this!! 😭)

Gods I think I love Xue Li almost as much as Xiao Heng.

And that dude loves her a LOT.

LOOK at how he looks at her. LOOK!!

"Kill Xiao Heng and we'll live happily ever after"... dude, you have completely lost touch of reality. How can you believe for even a fraction of a second that she'd do that, that she'd choose you over him? She just told you a moment ago that she'd rather die with him that be with you.

YES XUE LI!!! Put the next one through his eye please!

Actually no, don't kill him. Let him live and suffer and regret.

"Killing you would dirty my hands." You tell him girl. He's nothing. He's not worth the blood on your hands.

I reckon 75% chance he's gonna throw himself off the battlements anyway. Coward.

Ahahahaaaa he's standing on the edge! Am I right? Am I?

CALLED IT!! 😂😂

Last thing he saw was her walking away. Love that for him.

Ooooh she's gonna cut her own throat on the sword....

Shiiit where's that tumblr image of apollo's dodgeball? I'm getting too good at this.

There goes your last leverage, shithead.

Aaaaand there goes your ability to breathe anything other than blood.

Yeah baby, get your revenge.

Ey up, the wind machine's back.

Hahahaa fucking hell grandpa Xiao making Xiao Heng serve him drinks on the excuse that he was injured saving Xue Li?! I'm pretty sure Xiao Heng was actually *more* injured - he took at least 3 sword slashes in the battle with Lord Cheng!

Okay but now I am really intruiged/worried cos the rebellion is over and there's like 30-odd minutes (and the much giffed scene of Xiao Heng in his armour with the pendant in his teeth) left to go so... wtf is gonna happen now?

Oooh Xiao Heng's going north to protect the border...

Bros 4eva!

Daddy Xue's back? For reals?

"She's got a husband now, how can she go back with us?" 😂

Awww and she's got daddy's approval for this one too! 😁

What do you think she means, Su Guogong, you dumbass? You gotta make that place fit for a wife! 😁

Hahaha Xiao Heng has bluescreened again!

It's kinda disturbing how rare it is in a cdrama for the main couple to get together, both survive and get to happily marry. HOWEVER... there's still 20 minutes and that scene to go!! 😭😭

Also am i the only one that keeps getting very nervous about the combination of wind machine, billowing drapes, and naked flame candles... 😬

Is she gonna admit to pappa Jiang that she's not Jiang Li? I'm pretty sure he already knows...

Yeeeeeah that's a nice lie Xue Li but it's a lie nonetheless. She did suffer and she was in pain. But okay...

I want this to be between you and me - and all the servants that just overheard our conversation.

Shit I thought for a second there he'd stroked out and died on the spot! 😂

This feels like she's saying goodbye to the Jiang family for good. She's married into the Xiao family now and the Jiang family are leaving the capital... and she's not really related to them, she's got no real reason to see them again...

Shijie is just too goddamn good and precious.

Ooft one thing that bugs me about the subs in this is that they don't properly translate titles/honorifics, they translate everything to the person's name. So the significance of her calling him ge is entirely lost to anyone who doesn't understand at least a little bit of Chinese.

(Also they do this with single syllable names which is even more egregious. They translate didi as Zhao, they don't even have the fucking courtesy to make it A-Zhao)

Awww I am sad that the haircombing scene was just her imagination... and I'm also worried that it's some kind of portent... 😭

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEY KILLED LU JI!!!! 😭😭😭😭

I don't deserve this. After 40 episodes i do not deserve this how could you do this to me

Okay but Wen Ji I feel you fam I really do but Xiao Heng needs help!!

YOU BASTARDS!!

WHYYYYYYYYY??!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?!! Why could they not just have a happy ending? What plot purpose does this even serve at this point?

Oh thank fuck I genuinely thought it was gonna end with it implying he was about to die on the battlefield.

I am dead. RIP me.

This was a fucking RIDE and I LOVED IT.

(Apart from them killing Lu Ji and Wen Ji for no reason 😭😭😭)

[etherrreal]

“would you be mine(craft)?”

Pairing: kenma x gn!reader Genre: fluff, friends to lovers Summary: your dating life sucks, Kenma’s dating life sucks, so what’s there to lose if you just date each other? WC: 1,670 Warnings: N/A A/N: honestly, if one single person asks for it, i’ll write their date just because i love writing for kenma lol -Luna (and here’s part 2 for your convenience~)

You’ve been in this position before: holding the hand of your date as you approach your apartment building, turning to him with a polite smile on your face as you share some general kind words about the night. Then he starts to slowly lean in, head tilting and eyelids falling shut, seeing if you’ll reciprocate the gesture, which you do.

And it's like it always is: he kisses you and you kiss him back. It's fine. It's a perfectly serviceable kiss, and you know that the idea of fireworks and unicorns jumping over rainbows the moment you kiss someone is a fantasy sold to you by Hollywood, but you've definitely had kisses from previous partners—or, hell, even previous breakfast burritos—that sparked more emotion than the one you're engaging in right now.

But that's how you know it's not really fine. And when you pull away and open your eyes again, you muster up the most convincing smile you can while bidding your date goodnight and heading into your apartment building. And as you stare at the bright red number count up, riding the elevator to your floor, you already know that you're not going to be reaching out to plan another date. Instead, you’ll be sending the same very formal text you've sent so many times before about how you enjoyed your time but simply "didn't feel a spark" and you hope he has good luck with his dating life in the future.

And you pray that maybe this time he won't spam you with vulgar texts calling you the worst names possible.

...Maybe you should just start ghosting, instead.

You're on autopilot as you enter your quiet, dark apartment, flicking on the light and kicking off your shoes. You take the back of your hand to wipe your mouth because you can still feel your date’s spit on your lips, and something about it feels invasive. Your purse gets tossed onto the couch, followed by your body, and you're whipping out your phone to copy and paste the classic rejection text you now have saved in your notes app for your convenience. It's quite sad, if you think about it, but that's why you try not to.

The ink hasn't even dried yet, so to speak, before you call your best friend Aina to update her on the outcome. The line rings only twice before she picks up.

She shoots right out the gate with the important questions. "How’d it go? Is he hot? Is he rich? Tell me everything!"

"It was okay,” you answer, trying –and failing– to keep the sigh out of your voice.

"Yikes. Just 'okay?' That doesn't sound like second date material."

"I just felt like there wasn't any interest from both sides. It kinda felt more like a job interview than a date." You hold the phone against your shoulder as you attempt to toe off your socks and remove your now uncomfortable pants. "I'll give him props for keeping a conversation flowing, though."

"Yeeeeeah, we shouldn't applaud a fish for swimming," she remarks. You let out a laugh, nearly fumbling the phone in your pantsless pursuit. "Did you guys kiss?"

"We did, at the end, after he walked me home, but again, nothing. It was more of a 'last chance to salvage this' kiss than a romantic one." Your phone buzzes against your shoulder and you pull away to check the notification, seeing the dating app symbol at the top of your phone. "I texted him a bit ago telling him it didn't work out, and he just responded, agreeing."

"Well, at least he wasn't rude about it."

"We shouldn't applaud a fish for swimming, remember?" You double-check the time and let out a heavy, exhausted sigh. "Well, I'm going to take a shower and wash my face and scrub my lips."

"It was that bad?"

"No, just... Wet."

"Ew. I'm so sorry. Enjoy your shower, and I'll talk to you later!"

You hang up with a goodbye and manage to peel yourself off the couch, though not without a series of grunts and groans like a middle-aged father. A warm shower sounds like exactly what you need to turn your night around from ‘meh’ to ‘decent.’ 

And a boiling hot, 15-minute shower is what you had. With fresh, cozy pajamas on and lotioned skin, you drag your slippered feet toward the kitchen, feeling a craving for some kind of snack after the average dinner meal you had earlier tonight.

As you stand there with the cupboards open, you glance at the clock on the microwave—still off by an hour from when the time changed—and wonder if anyone’s in the Minecraft realm at the moment. Probably Kenma.

You grab the first bag of chips you see and head to your bedroom, getting comfortable in front of your computer so you can boot up Minecraft. You’re in the game for maybe a minute before you hear the Discord chime, a message waiting for you from Kenma.

ken-ma dick fit in your mouth:: 💻📞🗣️? call me by y/n:: …are you asking me to get in the voice channel?? ken-ma dick fit in your mouth:: 👍 call me by y/n:: bet call me by y/n:: also, whoever changed your username is a funny guy 😉 ken-ma dick fit in your mouth:: 🖕

With an evil chuckle, you pull out your headset and plop it on your head, switching channels and waiting patiently for Kenma to join. Shocking to no one, it takes only a few moments for his name to pop up.

“Yo, what’s up?”

“Hey,” he greets, his character popping up in front of yours and crouching, throwing down bread in front of you. “How’d your date go?” 

“It went absolutely terrible!” You attempt to joke about it, but the bitterness seeps through. “He was an okay dude, but there was absolutely no chemistry, whatsoever. It was like having a meeting with a coworker.” 

“What is that, like, the third failed date this month?” 

“Oh god, please don’t say that out loud. It makes me feel bad,” you say with a lighthearted chuckle. 

“Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Sometimes I just wonder if it’s me, ya know? Like, am I the problem, or is it the type of guys that I’m going after?” You pause your mining, pondering all the failed dates, and if there’s some kind of common denominator between them all. Or maybe that common denominator is you? 

Kenma makes a noise of disagreement, saying nothing more as he continues breaking down lines of cobbled deep slate, pausing to mumble ‘zombie’ as he shoots him dead, the little jingle of EXP loud in your ears. 

“Anyway, enough about my depressing dating life. How’s yours? Did you end up asking out that one girl you were telling me about?” 

He lets out a heavy sigh. “Yeah. She had a boyfriend.”

“Oof. That had to suck. Sorry, man. Looks like we’re both striking out lately.”

Usually, he’d hum in acknowledgment, like he tends to do when there’s nothing else he can add to the conversation, but still wants you to know you’ve been heard. Instead, you notice there’s an odd silence, like he’s planning on adding something more.

Kenma clears his throat, and you hear him shift his headset. “When I told Kuroo, he said that we should just go out to put each other out of our misery.” 

Of course he did. That seems like a very Kuroo thing to say, but a very weird Kenma thing to relay to you. He’s probably gotten similar comments from his friends—like you have from yours—before, the kind of friends who believe that a woman and a man can’t be friends without wanting to fuck each other, but you wouldn’t know because he’s never cared enough to tell you about it. But he wouldn’t bring it up now if he didn’t think there was some kind of truth to it… Right?

“I… don’t really have anything negative to say about that idea. It wouldn’t be the worst idea he’s had,” you say, although the idea of admitting Kuroo was right makes you a little sick. 

The continued silence is deafening, and it gives you a lot of time and space to think about whether or not you should regret what you just said. The idea of going out with Kenma hasn’t crossed your mind since your friendship began years ago, and even then, it was fleeting. Over time, you’ve built such a strong friendship that you’ve never felt the need to throw in a romantic aspect to the relationship.

And you meant what you said. You don’t object to the idea of dating Kenma. Both your friends and Kenma’s have commented in the past that you’re like the same person. You’ve never fought, and any disagreements that you’ve ever had, non-game related, have been solved so smoothly that you don’t really see them as disagreements at all. The friendship you have is so stable that even if the date were to fail, it’d be incredibly easy and not awkward in the slightest to fall back into your old routine as just buddies. 

Your heart is in your throat when his voice finally breaks the silence. “Okay. How does next Saturday sound?”

“Sounds good to me,” you agree, a smile growing on your face. 

You spend the next few hours gaming, as usual. Neither of you brings up the date again nor makes any kind of sly reference to it, and you both continue speaking like it’s any other night. You can’t help but wonder for a moment if the whole date agreement was just an exhaustion-induced fever dream.

But after you’ve both signed off for the night, you receive a notification for a Google Calendar invite from Kenma titled “Date with Y/N 💐” set for next weekend, and you realize, with sudden butterflies in your stomach, that the whole conversation wasn’t a dream, and you’ll be going out with your best friend next Saturday.

You can hardly wait.

Written by: Luna

feel free to request something or even join our taglist!

[slowlyhardgoatee]

Knees, boy. 

Good lad. Y’know, there were a couple of things about your DaddyHunt profile that really intrigued me. One is that you said you were looking at exploring your kink of being collared and Owned. Now that’s something I can definitely help with. Look to your left. See that studded collar over there on the floor? Pick it up and hand it to me. Look up at me, boy. Now, beg me to put this collar on you. Go on. Louder, faggot. Mean it. Good boy. That’s it on. 

The second thing was that you’re apparently married? That right? How old are you, twenty? Mmm. Young to be married, though. Still, your profile said you and your husband have an ‘agreement’. So out of respect for your husband, not you, I’m gonna give you ten seconds to change your mind before I lock that collar in place. 

….No? Ok then - that’s it locked. You are now my property, faggot. And you’re gonna get used and abused. First things first, boy - open wide. I gotta take a leak, and your toilet mouth is where it’s going. Oh, now you hesitate? Look - It’s either down your throat or all over your face, boy, which is it? 

Yeah, just as I thought. Keep still… aaaaah, fuck that feels good. Putting a faggot’s toilet mouth to its proper use. Swallow it all, pig. Good boy. Now if I turn around… Yeeeeeah, get that tongue right up my shit hole, faggot. Lick my fucking prostate for me. Pig. Keep going… good fucking boy. 

There. Now look at yourself in the mirror over there, faggot. On your knees, wearing a locked collar you begged for, mouth tasting of all the piss you’ve just swallowed and your face covered in skid marks after you’ve had your full tongue up a fat old man’s sweaty, dirty arsehole. You’re nothing but a toilet pig, boy. And that’s what I’ll be keeping you here for. I’ll never have to buy toilet paper again, boy, not while that talented tongue’s in your faggot mouth. You ain’t going anywhere. You’ll certainly never see your husband again. But I’ll send him a little message in a bit, let him know what his toilet slave husband is doing instead of coming home to him. I can get twink boys pretty much on tap - hell, I bred an 18-year-old last week who was nervous at first, but eventually I had him screaming ‘Thank you, Grandad’ every time I thrusted up his cunt - but a bona fide toilet pig like you, boy, they’re hard to come by. No, I’ll be keeping you collared, tied up and ball-gagged, faggot, and the only time the gag gets removed is when I need a piss. Clear? Good boy. 

It’s lights out time, faggot. That means I’m gonna be knocking you unconscious and then breeding your pig boy cunt while you’re passed out. That’s the only way you’re ever gonna get fucked by me, boy. But don’t worry - when I want you to wake up I’ll just piss all over your face. Sweet dreams, pig. And remember - you begged for that collar, boy. This is entirely your own doing. 

[polyamorouspunk]

shoutout to being a lesbian in ways that piss people off !! my bi lesbian girlfriend calls me, local raging fag dyke, its boyfriend and that got someone real heated recently hsjsbsn. said person Immediately got shot down by the rest of our community it was a truly wonderous sight to see. fucked up trans polyamorous lesbianism for the win again !

Hell yeeeeeah!

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Oh hell yeah! Time for some Booblust!

Yeeees yeeees, hahaahahaaa! Bloodlust baby fuck yeeeeeah!

And to answer that questions, we got about 10 left so we got it cover! worry about nunny women, my loser alter's women crush and the nutless creep if you can!

[monsterlets]

SUMMER 23 YEAR ONE

FISHED UP A DINOSAUR EGG

I just thought of a way to play stardew valley that is such a way to play stardew valley

[erin-writes-ghost-fluff]

Emeritus brothers tickle headcanons

A/N: My brain is just one giant trash can and I'm gonna share it.

Going in order!

Primo:

-You're shit out of luck if you think he's ticklish.

-Maybe... It depends on where you're going for. He's not ticklish in your average, everyday places.

-One really shouldn't attempt to tickle Primo at all buuuuuut... It's funny.

-If you wanna make him laugh or get him to crack a smile, go for his top most ribs, palms, ears, and sides.

-He's not that ticklish but those spots work without fail.

-If one can really get him laughing, they find out, he's got a really nice laugh, in fact. Not at all what one would expect from the first Papa Emeritus.

-It's loud- a trait all of the brothers have- but also warm sounding and deep. The man has a belly laugh for sure.

-Doesn't like being tickled but tolerates it, seeing as he is the eldest brother.

-Definitely does not start tickle fights or get involved... But the rare times he does decide he's gonna end one? His brothers or whatever unfortunate ghoul or soul, better start praying.

-Not above poking Copia, if he sees his little bro acting too uptight.

-Has been known to poke Terzo, if he's drinking something because he's an asshole.

-When the brothers were younger and they weren't up by a certain time, all Primo had to say was "I'm counting to three" and the others were up in a heartbeat, seeing as they knew what happened when he reached three.

Secondo:

-Yeeeeeah, he may be a bitter fucker... But he's definitely ticklish and embarrassed as hell about it.

-Switch with lee tendencies with the right person.

-Tickle spots are his ribs, stomach, neck, hips, behind the knees. Knees are his death spot.

-A fighter. He'll kick when you squeeze a knee.

-He'll laugh before one even touches him, especially if one were to hover their hands over his stomach or knees.

-Swears a l o t, when getting tickled. Threatens his ler too but it's empty threats... Unless it's Terzo. Terzo needs to run after wrecking Secondo lol.

-Cackles a lot. He's loud like Primo but Secondo laughing is so rare that one knows it's him, because his laugh is so distinct.

-snorts for days, man.

-Tries to act all scary and intimidating but it's too late after one poke. He folds easier than laundry after a poke to his ribs.

-Goes ballistic with scratches behind the knee.

-Throws stuff at whoever's tickling him.

-Will not plead for mercy. He's too proud for that

-Teasing will get to him. Mainly having his helplessness pointed out to him.

-Fights harder when he's pinned.

-Grabs at the wrists of the one tickling him.

-tries to withhold laughter.

-In contrast to his demeanor, his laugh is very jolly.

-He surprisingly giggles when his hips are squeezed.

Terzo:

-Jesus, where do I begin with this one?

-Definitely one of the more ticklish brothers out of the four of them.

-tickle spots are his ribs, stomach, hips, thighs, calves, and underarms. Calves, hips and thighs are his death spots.

-Dramatic as fuck when getting tickled. Screams about how he's dying and how the one tickling him is killing him.

-His ghouls tickle him allllll the time. Cirrus, Swiss, and Omega are the worst.

-Cirrus can't help but poke and tickle him. She says he's too small and cute for his own good.

-Speaking of which, his height makes him the perfect tickle target.

-Omega or Mountain will literally hold him upside down and go to town on his ribs.

-His laugh is loud and flamboyant. Very vibrant and bubbly.

-Gives the cutest, high pitched giggles, when his stomach is targeted.

-Swears in Italian. Also slips into Italian if he's laughing hard enough.

-Won't admit it but thinks the laughter brought on by tickling makes for good stress relief for him.

-Can be very provocative when he wants Omega to tickle him. He might stretch and reveal a little bit of his stomach.

-hiccup laughs if he's tickled enough.

-kicks and flails quite a bit.

-Hides his face because he's super embarrassed about his laugh.

-Calf squeezes drive him up a wall.

-Any type of teasing compliments fluster him.

-His laughter gets hella squeaky, when his thighs get tickled.

-Won't exactly say no, if the right ghoul or person asks if he wants more tickles.

Copia:

-Easily, hands down, the most ticklish out of the Emeritus bloodline.

-He's ticklish everywhere just about but the stomach and underarms are his kill spots. Thighs will make him squeal.

-Shy about asking for tickles from the right ghoul.

-He does enjoy it, however. He won't admit this easily though.

-He's a tickle target for the ghouls too. Especially Swiss and Cumulus.

-Mountain walks past him, high fives him with one hand, while the other hand boops his stomach.

-Has a loud laugh like his brothers but is more prone to giggle fits and guffaws. He squeaks a lot.

-Cannot handle raspberries, he will become a giggly, melted puddle in seconds.

-Can't ask for tickles but can imply he wants to be wrecked.

-His rats crawl down his cassock or robes constantly. He always needs help getting one out, before he dies from giggling.

-If Cirrus hears him giggle, she's like a shark. She'll poke him just so she can see him smile.

-Gets so flustered and giggly when teased. Hides his face a lot.

-How Swiss nearly got launched into orbit: He monched Copia's tummy.

-His rats will playfully nibble at his ears and that makes him snort.

-Despite being small, Terzo takes his role of older brother seriously and that means wrecking Copia's shit.

-Can't stand being called cute or anything like that.

-When he becomes Papa, gets stressed easier and often needs to tickles to raise his spirits.

A/N: And there's the trash!

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Wishful Thinking

Welcome to “Teddy Bear Docs and Deep Cuts”: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

 Up today, s4e8: Wishful Thinking.

 When Sam finds a possible case about a woman attacked by a ghost in the showers at her gym, Dean can’t get to work on it fast enough. But the lady’s story is weird—not their kind of weird—and they’re about to give it up as a bad job when they get wind of a Big Foot in town. But—Big Foot isn’t real. As they dig a little deeper, they realize that people in town have been making wishes at the fountain at a local Chinese restaurant. The wishes come true—but quickly go bad. A little girl’s teddy bear does come alive, but he’s depressed and suicidal. A man’s unrequited love suddenly loves him dearly���too dearly. The boys track down the source of the shenanigans—an ancient coin tossed into, and stuck to the bottom of, the fountain. Once they convince the man who put it there to remove it, all returns to normal. Dean finally admits to Sam that he remembers hell, but refuses to talk about it, claiming he has no words with which to do so.

 Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

 Lor:

 oooh right, Uriel is shitstirring

  Mace:

 YUP

  This is the one with the teddy bear doctors, right?

   Lor:

 i think so

Mace:

 I love that line but kind of hate the teddy bear

  Lor:

 yeeeeeah

it's dark

  Mace:

 it sure is

 omg this waiter

  Lor:

 haaaahahahaha

  Mace:

 omg did dean just check out his ass?

  Lor:

 I BELIEVE HE DID

poor Dean. he just wants to drink a billion shots, Sam

  Mace:

 “down under” yep, that checks. I’m convinced Australia is indeed hell

  Lor:

 LOLOLOL

it certainly has monsters

  Mace:

 IT DOES

  Lor:

 lol Dean equal opportunity ass checking tonight

  Mace:

 Sammy looks SO GOOD in that shirt

 YES

  Lor:

 "we gotta save these people"

 he DOES

 "the working title is Supernatural" SAMMY

  Mace:

 YAS

  “yeah that’s weird"

  Lor:

 Sam is giving excellent "wait what" face

  Mace:

 HAHAHA

  Lor:

 "damn right I wanted to save some naked women"

  Mace:

 HAHAHA

  Lor:

 how many pockets does he HAVE in that coat?

  Mace:

 i dunno but I’d like to find out

 Lor:

 YAAAS

 Sammy with his snaps and Dean with his flannel

 that is a... big foot

  Mace:

 YES

 I love how flustered they are

  Lor:

 YES

 omg Dean shoplifting some liquor

  Mace:

DEAN WINCHESTER YOU PAY FOR THAT

  Lor:

 LOLOL

 omg unison confused bench sitting

  Mace:

 YES

  DEEP WOODS DUCHOVNY

  Lor:

 lol

AND HIS FACE

  Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 omg peering around the bush

  Mace:

 PEEKING AROUND THE SHRUB

  HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 YAAAS

 omg Harry and the Hendersons. that's a deep cut, Dean

  Mace:

 it really is

   omg Dean’s FACE

  Lor:

 omg Dean. he's so done

 YES

 THEIR FACES

  Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 smells like the bus

  Mace:

 SNORK

 omg Dean

  Lor:

 he's like I don't get paid enough for this and then he remembers he doesn't get paid

  Mace:

 HAHAHA

 the conversation about whether they need to kill it omg

  Lor:

 LOLLIPOP DISEASE

 YES

  Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 it's not uncommon for bears his size

I love them

  Mace:

 SNORK

YES

 the sandwich omg DEAN

  Lor:

 YES

 he can't find the right ID omg

  Mace:

 SNORK!!

 FUCK YOU 839862

  Lor:

 oh oh is he not that guy anymore? fuck 327

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  Mace:

 HAAAAAHAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 the way they just walk in with the tools and poor Mr Chin is like HANG ON NOW

  Mace:

 poor guy

  Jensen is giving SUCH good faces in this one

  Lor:

 YAS

he has such range

  Mace:

 he does

 smarty sammy with the squeeze

  Lor:

 YES

  Mace:

 good boy Sammy

  Lor:

 omg Dean "what? no"

  Mace:

 Dean is confused and impressed

  Lor:

 YES

 "the wishes turn bad, Sam. the wishes turn very bad"

  Mace:

 “wishes turn very bad"

HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 DEAN WINCHESTER don't drink that beer. go get a sprite or something

  Mace:

 I was about to say.

i think it may be ginger ale?

  Lor:

 oh okay then

  Mace:

 ugh i hate this part

not funny

  Lor:

 yeah

 oh no bad dreams

  Mace:

 oh dean

  Lor:

 dude, Sam. I know you're annoyed he's not telling you about hell, but give the man a little break

  Mace:

 yeah, but I get Sam’s side, too. He’s so worried

  Lor:

 yeah

  Mace:

 I mean, he’s acting better than Dean with Sam’s...abilities

  Lor:

 THAT is true

 the florists

  Mace:

 snork

  Lor:

 "and on Thursdays we're teddy bear doctors"

  Mace:

 Is that Sam Raimi?

 HAHAHA YES

  Lor:

 no idea

he looks familiar though

 omg their faces

  Mace:

 YES

 It’s Ted Raimi, Sam’s brother

  Lor:

 they play off each other so well in these funnier episodes

  aaaah

  Mace:

 they really do

  (do you know who he is?)

  Lor:

 (I do not)

  Mace:

 (he’s a horror movie director)

  Lor:

 (ooooh. I know I’ve heard the the name)

  Mace:

 (the evil dead movies)

  Lor:

 "Something bad. like us." omg Sammy. stop being so hot

  Mace:

 (and also the toby mcguire spider-man movies)

  HAHAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 (aaah)

 omg they just run over the kid

  Mace:

 (so lots of people who love SPN probably LOVE him)

(because his horror movies are all cult favorites)

  Lor:

 (that is really cool)

  Mace:

 (YES)

  Lor:

 "Kneel before Todd!"

  Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 omg the Spider-man line!

  Mace:

 THE SPIDER-MAN QUOTE

YAS

  Lor:

 YAAAAAS

  Mace:

 so clever

  poor sammy

  Lor:

 yeah

he keeps losing those shoes

  Mace:

 HAHAHAHA he does!

  Lor:

 omg Dean. after all that he's gonna help Todd with his bullies

  Mace:

 YES

  Lor:

 I love him

  Mace:

 you do?!

  Lor:

 I know. I've been keeping it under wraps

  Mace:

 mind. blown

  Lor:

 I feel you are making fun of meeeee

  Mace:

 NEVER

  Lor:

 were they specifically waiting to make sure Audrey's parents got back?

  Mace:

 oh DEAN

 it seems so

sweet boys

  Lor:

 that's adorable. and of course they did

 "tell me about it." "no"

  Mace:

 “so tell me about it.” “no”

  Lor:

 oh boys

  Mace:

 YES

 LEAN ON ME, Dean, LEAN ON ME.

  Lor:

 "there aren't words. there's no forgetting"

 DEEEAN

  Mace:

 his little lip quiver

  Lor:

 YAAAAS

  Mace:

 I mean, DAMN, Jensen

  Lor:

 Cas come hold him

his stupid little freckle face all tortured

  Mace:

 YES

[darkicedragon]

Gaaaaasp :o

Daaaamn, Scorpion kicking Subzero so hard he did a backflip, ahaha.

Scorpion did the thiiiiing with the shackles! >D

Adopted family, hell yeeeeeah! :D

Yeah, I figured he'd show up since they were in a snow storm. 8')

[asphaltvalkyrie]

I'm back from my vacation. I didn't say much about it in advance because I was feeling a bit guilty about it.

...Basically my in-laws got tired of my husband and I using "we're too poor" as an excuse not to go on a trip to Europe with them and paid for the 4 of us to go on 2 weeks worth of a luxury cruise and air bnbs through Spain, France and Italy. It was pretty damned amazing and I enjoyed the hell out of it, but yeeeeeah, it felt too good for me, all "you deserve nice things" platitudes aside.

Highlights included Park Guell, the Vatican Museum, and the Capuchin Crypt.