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tsukidrama · 3 years ago

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The Road Not Taken

{I Doubted If I Should Ever Come Back}

ᴀɴɴɪᴇ ʟᴇᴏɴʜᴀʀᴅᴛ x ғᴇᴍ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ / ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟɪᴀɴᴛ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢѕ: extreme angst, discussions of PTSD, and themes of abandonment

Chapter 6 - I Will Not Let Go

Summary: Visitors bring more than just their company after the winter comes. Annie is afraid of her life changing, and you're afraid of Annie changing.

cottagecanon | ao3 | wattpad | ♫

← Chapter 5 | Chapter 7 →

Word Count: 9.9k OH YMG GOD

Author's Note: i hate this chapter so much literally just get it away from me!! i'm never going to be satisfied with the way it turns out. i didn't mean for it to get so long or sad but i really tapped into something sad and personal back to the days when i lived long-distance from my now-wife. 1) sorry guys and 2) i recommend taking a break between scenes if you need to lmao, i sure had to

In the third winter after the curse of the Titans was lifted, Annie cuts her hair for the first time. Well, she ropes you into cutting it for her, actually. It seems like the haircut gives her a genuine boost of confidence — maybe it's just the excitement of something new, or the change in the weather, but she seems happier. Lighter, somehow.

When you were in the Training Corps, you couldn’t get Annie to muck out a stall for your life. There were quite a few times where you’d been stuck assigned with her on that job, and she sure as hell didn’t make it easy on you. So you’re quite surprised to find her regularly ankle-deep in horse shit, shoveling it away while happily whistling like it’s any other task.

Finally, it seems like she’s getting better. One night early in the new year, all three of you are gathered around the fireplace in Papa’s en suite, and you realize it’s been several weeks since Annie has woken up screaming. The nightmares didn’t stop, but it’s a noticeable change.

Months pass, but something in you is still terrified every time she makes a sudden movement in her sleep. She hasn’t attacked you or been violent since the night she broke your nose, and she hasn’t even been aggressive lately. A readjustment, throwing her arm over her head, all normal things wake you up instantly with your heart racing.

You don’t want to be afraid of her. It’s never been her that you were afraid of, not at all... But you can’t shake the way it feels when you think about that night. It’s not her fault, but you can’t stop replaying the image of her writhing on the ground screaming. The injury has long since healed, but your bones remember the pain. Your heart remembers the pain.

But Annie? She's fine, so you're fine.

Bottom line is, for the first time in her life, she’s consistently what you’d consider happy.

One morning, you wake up to an empty bed beside you. The first instinct you have is to panic, and you throw on the first shirt you can find. The buttons are crooked and you’re not wearing pants, so when you see her sitting at the kitchen table with her dad and laughing, you freeze in place on the stairway.

You don’t want to bother them since she’s clearly fine, but you also don’t want to barge in on their conversation half-naked and semi-crazed when she’s clearly fine. So, you hang around awkwardly on the steps for about a minute before you slink back up the steps quietly. You take the time to actually get ready before you go downstairs.

When the rainy season comes, a cold front hits. You’ve come to learn that winter in this country didn’t mean ice and snow. If you were lucky, you had a solid month of consistently cool weather, surrounded by rain season and a lot of unpredictable storms.

During that one cold month, it’s still green, just more withered and… sludgy, really. But you had a sturdy pair of boots and some really ugly but practical waders (essentially rubber overalls, for the uneducated). You could handle a little mud.

Annie, not so much. The mornings where you wake up to a yard full of water, you trudge out into the mud while Annie stays plopped in a chair on the porch, usually still in her pajamas with a blanket and an old flannel three sizes too big draped across her shoulders. She always takes a cup of coffee with her for warmth more than anything.

Throughout your morning chores, she gives you a wave from her spot cozy on the deck. So much does it warm your heart to see her greeting you from across the yard, with her messy blonde head a blur in the distance above the checkered red and grey flannel, that you don't mind doing all the work.

A carrier bird interrupts your usual routine on one of those wet rainy days. It swoops down onto the back porch, on the table just a few feet away from Annie. As soon as you notice it you begin the trudge back up to the house.

The bird is stretching its feathers, preening whenever you get there. Annie is fiddling with the envelope. When it doesn’t immediately open, she rips it apart viciously. Honestly, you’re surprised the letter inside didn’t tear.

After she reads silently, she wordlessly tosses it on the table to you. She looks pissed.

Quickly, you pick it up and skim the contents. Pieck’s loopy handwriting fills the page, going on and on about obligations and reminders. Several recollections of stories and what you think are inside jokes and a request that she can come to visit sometime in the next week.

“Well that could be nice,” you offer, trying to be optimistic. “It has been a while since we’ve had anybody over here.”

She snorts. “I’ve known Pieck for all of my life. When she says she wants to visit, what she means is that she needs to talk to me about something serious.”

You reread the letter, specifically the last paragraph.

It reads: ‘Myself and some of the boys have been wondering about you lately, hoping that you’re doing well. If you have time in the next week or two, it would make me happy to visit you and Y/N for a change. I know you hate the town so let me spare your horse a trip – tell me when would be best for you. Hug and kisses, Pieck.’

You glance up from the page back at Annie. “... is that really what you got from this? She’s being nice.”

“She’s being indirect,” Annie shakes her head, "She’s bringing bad news with her, I can feel it. We should tell her not to come so that she has to stop being a pussy and actually talk to me."

You preemptively wince as you point out the obvious. "That's what she's trying to do, love."

She snatches the letter from your hands, then groans and stomps off.

"Fuck that," she mutters. With that, she goes into the house and slams the door behind her.

So, you end up being the one who writes the reply. You go into the kitchen and grab a treat for the carrier bird, then tie a brief response to his leg in which you tell Pieck you’re free this coming Sunday and you’d both love to see her. You tell her to bring anyone else who wants to visit.

The day of, Papa happened to be going to town anyway, for both a visit with Dr. Phuong and for whatever shopping he felt up to. It works out pretty well as he wasn’t nearly as fond of the idea of guests the way you were. Well, like father, like daughter.

Annie has been in a bit of a mood all morning, but she begrudgingly goes about her morning in the kitchen as usual. She packs her dad a lunch before he goes on his way, and stays in there to make snacks for your visitors. A vegetable tray (garden-fresh), some sandwiches she cuts up into bite-sized pieces.

You’d gotten into the habit of caring for the animals in the morning, so you’d wordlessly taken up the chore this morning as an apology for letting people come over. She’s always been paranoid. Not everything that happens is an invitation for bad omens…

You sit on the front porch, sitting on the floor as Rosemary sits up on a rocking chair. As always she stands proudly upon her throne, gazing out into the yard dutifully. It’s not very cold at all anymore, cloudy, with a low-to-the-ground mist that feels just as ominous as whatever is coming.

Annie wanted to stay inside, and you leave her be for now. She tends to get nervous when there are visitors for any occasion. Yet today, you feel it in the air just as she does. Even Rosemary seems tense with the way she sharply watches her surroundings. You give her some scritches behind the ears and until she begins to purr.

You can see the headlights of an automobile while it’s still a distance away. Its machinery clunks and grinds as it rumbles over the uneven terrain. The rumbling of Rosemary’s purrs fade to be replaced by that of the car and predictably hisses at the unfamiliar machinery before she pounces over the railing and runs back to the comfort of the garden.

It’s loud, and every so often it releases a noxious cloud of black smoke behind it. In all honesty, you hate it. Amongst the greenery, it leaves wisps of oil and ash in a cloud of thick smog that mixes with the water vapor. Yet when the car gets close enough for you to see the grinning face of the driver, you can’t help but burst out laughing.

Connie sits behind the wheel, with Jean hovering anxiously nearby in the seat beside him. Both of them look absolutely thrilled with themselves and their high-tech rover and you know that you’ll be keeping your mouth shut.

You meet them in the driveway right as the car rolls to a stop. Jean hops out of the passenger door and extends his arms in greeting.

“Y/N, babe! You look good,” he exclaims, and wraps his arms around your shoulders. You hug him back, and resist the overwhelming urge to fuck up his hair. Ever since he’d started wearing it in that slicked-back style he’d been more obsessed with it than ever. He pats your back. “The farm life suits you, seriously.”

“Yeah?” you ask, laughing. You’re wearing a plain checked smock, a solid-colored skirt cropped at the knees, and your huge mud-caked rubber work boots. It’s basically the least sexy outfit you could’ve possibly assembled, but you take the compliment.

“For real,” he assures you, “you’ve been getting sun. I can tell that you’re happy out here.”

A voice from the other side of the car cuts him off.

“–Y/N! Get over here, I haven’t seen you in forever!” Connie calls, popping up from the driver's seat. You run around the hood to greet him.

He practically snatches you up by the waist and spins you around (and you scream). Jean opens the back passenger side door and helps a third person, previously unseen, out of the seat.

“Put me down!” you shriek, laughing. When he does, Connie gives you a big bear hug. You hug him back, despite feeling a bit crushed.

You look back over at Jean and see Pieck beaming at you from next to him. You notice how tired she looks, with bags beneath her eyes. Yet she still gives you a bright smile and beckons you over.

Her hug is less enthusiastic than either Connie or Jean’s but it feels warmer, although you haven’t known her nearly as long as you knew the boys.

The wind ruffles through her hair. “How are you?” she asks. Her hand wraps around her upper arm as she pulls out of your embrace.

“Tired,” you confess, “there’s always something to do around here. I wanted to be ready for visitors.”

“Aw, you didn’t have to clean for us!” Connie says. “Our house literally looks like shit. That’s why we came over here and not the other way around. Well that, and–”

Jean bumps him with his shoulder, hard. “Don’t tell her that, or else she might not come to visit us.” He says nervously, and intercepts a pointed look from Pieck.

“Of course I’d still visit you!” you giggle, “It’s probably not that bad.”

Connie opens his mouth, but Jean cuts him off again before he can speak. “Do NOT tell her how bad it is.”

Pieck laughs and gestures you closer. “Yeah, you really don’t want to know. Men are funny like that. They’ll live in piles of beer cans and garbage but you can bet that stupid car is spotless.”

“I don’t think the car is stupid!” “The car is not stupid, Pieck,” they both say at the same time. Pieck rolls her eyes, the corner of her mouth twitching up into a smile. All three of them look at each other, and then Connie and Jean turn to look at you expectantly for your opinion.

You shuffle your feet a little awkwardly. “I think it’s a cool car,” you lie. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen one with the bits on the wheels painted like that.”

Connie can hardly contain his excitement, and beams as he talks. “They’re called ‘rims.’ That’s why I picked it out. There was another one I really liked that was white, but Jean said we’d have to wash it all the time.”

“There’s mud everywhere here. Do you want to wash it every other day?”

Connie ignores him. “I don’t mind. I’ve never had a car before. I’m trying to take care of her.”

Jeans rolls his eyes. “Are you still calling it ‘her?’ We’ve talked about this so many times. It’s not the same thing, I don’t think you can talk about a car like it’s a living thing.”

“People do it with boats! Literally all of the boats in the marina have names.” Connie shoots back.

“Is a car a boat? You don’t even hear how stupid you sound right now.”

You share a quick look with Pieck, who shakes her head. She crosses her arms, and you can just tell how many times she’s heard this argument.

“Where’s Annie?” she asks suddenly. It comes out of the blue, and she seems to realize it.

It’s quiet for a moment but quickly, she follows it up with: “I just expected her to be out here with you. Is she in the house?”

You nod. “Yeah. She’s either in the kitchen or in the study. Do you want me to call her out here?”

“Oh no, you should catch up with the boys out here. I’m sick and tired of hearing about the car, and how much they want to pet Do you mind if I go in and find her myself? I’ve got a few things to talk to her about.”

“Sure,” you reply, although you’re a little nervous now, “the door is unlocked.”

Everything Annie said about her bringing bad news feels a little more ominous after that comment, but you don’t have too much time to think about it. You’ve missed your friends more than you realized. You don’t dwell on it.

Indistinctly, you hear Jean still going on. “So then logically, you get why it’s stupid to name a boat, too, then? You can name horses and donkeys but you can’t name a machine.”

“You said that, not me.”

“You have a horse, Y/N?” Jean asks.

As you watch Pieck make her way up the path and the front steps, you nod in response. Only when you see the door has closed do you turn around again. “Oh yeah, we’ve got a horse.”

“Y/N,” Connie interrupts. “Show us your cows. I want to see the cows.”

Jean chimes in. “I heard that there are goats, too. I want to see those.”

“No, I want to see the cows!”

“Shut up, she can show us both. Reiner told me that they have chickens, too. Can we see the chickens, Y/N? Nobody has animals in the town.”

“Yeah, I’ll show you all of the animals. Don’t worry about it.”

The indistinct chatter between them becomes white noise as you lead them behind Papa’s attachment and over to the cow enclosure. As soon as a small group of brown and black-and-white-spotted cattle comes into view, their excitement is overwhelming.

“Oh, hell yes!” Connie breaks into a sprint and shouts with joy. Jean is quick to follow, and the both of them pass you up as the latter man shouts: “Wait up!”

One of them dives through the slats in the feces while the other one clears it altogether. One of the cows gets spooked at their shouts of laughter and trots away, but most of them stay put.

Connie goes right in and wraps his arms around the cow’s neck. He laughs as he hugs it, as opposed to Jean who carefully approaches the fattest, most gentle cow by letting her sniff his hand first.

After he finally gets the cow cuddles out of his system, you see Connie making a beeline for the chicken coop. You leave Jean where he is, as he seems pretty happy where he is petting the same cow he started with.

“You’ve no idea how much I missed being around livestock. It’s a dream out here,” he remarks to you. You hand him the feed bucket for the chickens, which he excitedly takes from you as you hold open the door.

After he scatters a few handfuls, Jean comes to join you as well. He’s considerably less excited about it than his best friend, and he stays close to you away from the swarming mob of chickens pecking at the food on the ground.

“So what is it really that brings all of you out here?” you ask them, and ignore the knots in your stomach, “because Pieck and Annie are still in the house, and I’m starting to get nervous. Why aren’t they coming back?”

Connie and Jean exchange a nervous look, which you notice and narrow your eyes at. “Well? Now you’ve got to tell me. You can't act suspicious and then not fess up. Spill.”

Both boys break eye contact, but just look nervously in new directions. You catch the corner of Connie’s eye, and shooting a piercing glare at him is enough to get him squirming.

“Connie,” you repeat, “spill.”

“It was Pieck’s idea. I thought that maybe we could have a dinner or something to break the news, but she said Annie would get mad no matter how we tell her. Still, a surprise attack doesn’t seem like a good way to handle–”

“A surprise attack?!” you repeat. You look at Jean. “Explain, now.”

He jumps like he's been caught, looking over at the cows, and nervously tries to change the subject. “Can we go and pet the–”

“Explain. Now!”

Both of them speak at once, and although you understand them perfectly, it takes a few seconds for the meaning to sink in.

“We’re going back to Paradis in the spring. Everyone who was there at Heaven and Earth is going to meet with Historia and the rest of the world leaders.”

“Armin set up a truce with the leaders on Paradis, we’re all going to try and make more peace arrangements. I think we’re trying to get something down in writing.”

When they see your reaction, both boys fall silent. After several long seconds, Connie scatters another handful of chicken feed on the ground.

“I told Pieck we should have had a dinner,” he mutters, “A dinner would have gone over so much better. We could’ve served cake and–”

“–cake wouldn’t change shit.” you interrupt. Before you know what you’re doing, your feet are moving.

You push past the chicken coop door. You walk in the direction of the house, breaking into a sprint without even thinking about it.

You don't look back, but you can hear both of them scrambling to follow. “Shut the door, Connie!” you hear Jean chastise in the distance, “Don’t let out the chickens, dumbass.”

The boys only catch up with you when you’re at the gate. The damn latch won’t open, has it always been this hard to undo? Tears blur your vision — when did you start crying? If they hadn’t closed the chicken coop behind them, you would’ve gone homicidal. The lock won’t give, so in frustration you kick the gate.

“Fuck!” you scream, balling up your fists. You kick it again, and again.

Somebody puts a hand on your shoulder to comfort you, but you throw it off. One final kick to the gate, and you whirl around.

“So Pieck went in by herself to tell Annie, then?” you accuse.

Jean shifts his weight around uncomfortably. “Yeah.”

“I have to go in there,” you insist. You push past them and wedge your foot on a notch in the wood, then try your damnedest to swing your other leg over the side of the fence.

Even in a skirt and boots, it probably would have worked if Connie hadn’t grabbed you by the shoulders to pull you back. You kick your legs ineffectually, and eventually you slump in defeat. Connie sits down on the grass next to you.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you. “We didn’t mean to upset you.”

You ignore him.

“Are you okay?” Jean asks.

“Do I fucking look okay?” you retort. Jean flinches, and you start to full-on cry. “It’s just… things were finally perfect. I really like what we have here.”

Connie pats your back. “Well, it’s not like you can’t keep this place. It’ll still be here, and besides the trip is only going to be a couple of months.”

“I don’t want to go back to Paradis,” you spit out, crying bitterly.

Jean sighs. “I told you that's what she'd say. She didn't come on the last trip, either.”

“So what? That one wasn't as important. Do we really have a choice this time?” Connie asks. “It’s our responsibility to fix what happened to the world. Eren was our friend.”

You scoff. “That’s bullshit. I did my work to fix my problems. I’ve paid all of my dues and built a life for myself, here. I like this country. Those aren’t my mistakes, and they really aren’t yours either.”

They’re both silent.

“This is my home now. I don’t have anything left on Paradis. No family, just horrible memories. It's just a reminder about everything bad that's happened to me. I’m not going and you can’t make me. Besides, I don't care what happens over there anymore.”

Jean crosses his arms. "You'll care whenever Paradis military forces try and bomb your little cottage here."

"Dude, you're not helping…" Connie says, elbowing.

"I'm just saying," he protests, "We're trying to reach peace with them for a reason."

You roll your eyes. "If we get bombed then I guess I'll die and you'll be right. Happy?"

Jean shakes his head and looks away. He pouts. "Nobody, anywhere, is 'happy' right now, " he says.

You rip up handfuls of grass and sprinkle them on yours and Connie’s legs. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air until somebody can figure out what to say.

Eventually, Jean sits down, too. He takes a deep breath.

“So does that mean we aren’t going to see the go–?”

“–I’m not taking you to look at the fucking goats.”

The three of you fall into silence one again. You rip up another handful of grass.

“I’m sorry,” Connie repeats, and shoots his friend a dirty look. “You’re right, we can’t make you come with us.”

“Connie,” Jean protests, “Armin said that we needed everyone who was there–”

“Who cares, though?” he interrupts. “You heard her. We're not going to change her mind. Are you gonna be the one to force her to come? Will you, what, knock her out and carry her onto the ship? That’s insane. I'm not going to let anyone do that, and besides, Annie…"

He nods. “Yeah, she’d kill everyone involved.”

You pull apart a particularly long blade of grass by splitting it down the middle and methodically dismantling it. "Well, good luck getting Annie to agree to come. She’s happy here, too."

Jean sighs and crosses his arms. He looks like he wants to argue, but between Connie’s exasperation and your death glare, he just shakes his head.

A few seconds later, Jean says it anyway. “We need her,” he insists. “I’m sorry Y/N, but we can’t go without Annie. She’s too important both as an ex-Warrior and as an ex-titan shifter.”

Tears slide down your cheeks. “No, you don’t need her. You could go without her. You could let her stay with me.”

Connie mirrors you, and drops a freshly-ripped handful of grass in your lap. You're too sad to laugh, but you exhale hard from your nostrils and give a weak smile of gratitude. You start to rip them up.

Connie is the one to continue. “I know it’s hard, but we need all of the shifters. We have to show the world that the old Titans are trying to reach peace. Annie is vital to that, we all know it.”

You pull apart the blades of grass in your lap the same methodical way you did before. "She’s not going to be happy about it. She won’t want to go, either," you mumble.

Connie nods. This time he drops his handful of grass on top of your head. Tiny green bits get caught in your hair while larger chunks fall into your lap. You promptly rip them in half, too.

"Well… that’s why Pieck is the one in there.”

You snort at the thought of them planning how to approach Annie. There’s a mental image of all of your friends sitting around a table, legit strategizing about it. Not that you’d blame them in this situation.

"She's gonna be so mad…” you tell them.

As if to emphasize the point, the screen door of the kitchen slams, hard enough to rattle the frame. It’s loud, and all three of you turn in the direction of the sound.

Pieck quickly and nervously makes her way down the ramp, her eyes so wide that you can see the whites from across the yard. The noticeable lack of Annie following her out speaks more loudly than anything she could have said.

You jump up to your feet and jiggle the lock on the gate with all of your might until it finally gives. You run around the garden before coming to a stop in front of the dark-haired girl.

Pieck still doesn’t say anything, just shakes her head as she descends the ramp. When she stops in front of you, clasping her hands, she doesn’t say anything. There's a telling expression on her face that makes an explanation unnecessary.

The boys catch up with you a few seconds later, one behind the other. Jean sighs when he sees the look on her face.

“We should leave, huh?” Connie asks grimly.

“Sooner rather than later,” she nods. Pieck looks over her shoulder, flinching. You half-expect Annie to start throwing things out of the house in anger.

You cross your arms. “Well… don’t take it personally.”

Pieck is understanding. “I know, it’s Annie. She’s always been like this.” She wipes a tear off of your cheek and gives you a quick hug. “Just… try not to worry so much. She'll only be gone for a couple of months. You’ve been through worse and apart for longer.”

“Wait, what?" you sputter, bewildered, and jab your thumb at the boys, "The two of them said that I had to go too.”

Jean and Connie both protest, overlapping one another. “That is what she said!” “You did say everyone had to go.”

Pieck laughs dryly. “Change of plans,” she looks at the two of them and shrugs, “Annie only agreed to come if we let Y/N stay here to watch over the farm. She’s not going to budge, and besides: the shifters are the most important representatives. I’ll take the fall for Plans are going to have to change.”

“Y/N is from Paradis,” Jean defends you, “don’t you think they’d listen to her over Annie?”

“I don’t want to fucking go,” you interrupt.

Pieck nods in acknowledgement, “That, and I don’t want Annie following through on the threats she made if we were to let you come.”

“‘Let’ me come?” you repeat, aghast.

She throws her hands up. “Listen, talk to her about it. But if you don’t want to go, then don’t argue.”

You pause, and Pieck continues. “She wrote you a free ticket out of this trip. I think it's the best trade-off we're going to get for what we need to do. Take the win, for all of our sake."

You sigh, and let her words sink in for a moment. How in the hell was this supposed to be a 'win,' is completely beyond you.

You lose time with Annie right when things are starting to be okay again, and you’re terrified that Annie will lose any peace she’s found, that she’s already struggling to cling to.

Eventually, your voice cracks. “It doesn’t make it any less painful for her to have to go away.”

Connie tugs on your arm. “If anyone could change Annie’s mind, it’s you, Y/N. There’s room on the ship–”

Pieck shushes him and waves him off before you can protest. She puts her hand on your shoulder comfortingly.

“I’ll keep an eye on Annie for you,” she promises. “I can be with her the whole time if it would make you feel better.”

You try to hold them back, but tears well up in your eyes.

“Thank you,” you manage, hiccuping. Pieck keeps rubbing your shoulder. She sniffs, and looks between the three of you before her eyes settle on Connie.

“You smell like a barn… We’re putting the windows down on the way home.”

He grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck.

Pieck grimaces. “Seriously, what’d you do, rub your face on a cow?”

He giggles. “Sorry…” Both you and the two boys start laughing hysterically, and you wipe away your tears.

Jean hugs you from the side while Connie leans on your arm. Nobody says anything, but a few moments pass with the three of them offering you silent comfort.

But before long, they’re walking back to the car. Of course you see them off, but the truth is that you really don’t want them to leave.

You try to draw out their departure, hugging each of them again, talking about the trip, and even asking questions about that stupid, stupid car. But eventually, they climb inside of it and leave.

It’s for the best. You don’t need to go back inside to know that Annie has completely shut down. It’s a good thing that everyone besides you (a seasoned veteran in the warfare of avoiding the collateral of her moods) is out of the crossfire.

It doesn’t stop your heart from sinking as you watch Jean, Connie, and Pieck drive away, and this time not just because of the smoggy exhaust drifting out from behind the automobile. This morning you had been so excited for visitors and now your hopes had been dashed in the most unfair of ways. You sit in the middle of the dirt road and take some time to pull yourself together.

When you go back inside you bring Annie a blanket. She’s curled up in the reading nook, facedown in a pile of pillows. As you leave, you draw closed a curtain that you’d hung from the archway to give her more privacy.

You check on her every twenty minutes or so until you’ve noticed that she’s turned on her back. Quietly, you push aside the curtain and make your way over to her, kneeling in front of the window seat.

“Do you want to be alone, or for me to stay?” you ask.

Annie sniffles, and a tear rolls down into her hair.

“Stay,” she answers. And so you do.

Once again, she doesn’t want to talk, so you just stay next to her. You grab a book from nearby at some point, and it feels similar to the night in the barn. You sit on the floor next to her as you half-read, comforting her and trying not to look visibly worried.

At one point you notice that she’s pinned herself all the way against the window. You catch her eye, look down at the empty space on the seat next to her, then raise your eyebrows for permission. She has no emotion on her face, but she nods, so subtly that you could have missed it, and somebody who didn’t know her so well might have.

You lay down next to her, and before you even have the chance to settle into place, Annie is on top of you. She rests her head on your shoulder and wraps her arm around your torso. You nuzzle into her, sniffing her hair and then kissing the top of her head.

For the rest of the afternoon, Annie doesn’t speak. The two of you sit there together, wrapped up in one another. Neither of you addresses it, but it’s clear from the way that she pulls you so close, and the way you press into her like you can’t ever get close enough, that neither of you is prepared to deal with having to be apart from the other. She trembles, fighting back tears but never leaving your embrace.

Somehow, it’s both comforting and intensely emotional at the same time. You stroke her back and her shoulders to calm her down, and once Annie has calmed, she turns the affection around on you. Gently, she touches your face slowly and deliberately, tracing the outline of every one of your features.

From four years of watching her through a crystal, you suddenly recognize what she’s doing, and it breaks your heart. She’s trying to memorize your face, every dip and curve. So many times you mourned the fact that you never got to do this — to really, truly touch her and make a point to remember what it felt like to lie there next to her.

You wished for years that you could have known it was the last time you would have kissed her, or held her in bed… it could have been more special, you would have paid more attention. You spent so many nights lying awake and trying to remember. Whenever you got her back during the Rumbling, there were more pressing things to deal with at the moment, but that first embrace unlocked a trove of memories.

The way her hand rests on the back of your neck whenever she pulls you close… You had forgotten that she did that. In your youth it barely registered, but after years it finally clicked at that moment. When you were sixteen you couldn’t have known, but after you’d seen her in her Titan form, and fought so many yourself, it all falls into place at once she does it again years later. She’s doing all she knows how to do to keep you safe. It’s totally unconscious, you realize, as time has passed, but it’s something she still does to this day. Whenever she puts her hand on your nape like that, she’s protecting you. She’s covering the only vulnerable spot that she knows.

Now that you have time to prepare for her being gone, you actually find that it hurts so much more.

So now, when she devolves again into a crying mess at the thought of going back, her hand locked on the back of your neck, you squeeze her tight. The idea that you’ll have to ever be apart makes you want to sink into these pillows and never get up.

The thought of her leaving you behind makes you want to lie beneath one of the endlessly sprawling green trees together. You could stay there forever. You wouldn’t mind if you died there, as long as she was there with you. As long as you could stay together.

There was a time where you genuinely thought you would never be able to talk to her again, where the idea of a life with her felt like a fantasy. But now, after you’ve already gotten your happy ending? There really is no such thing as happily ever after… If there was, then why was she leaving? Why couldn’t she stay with you?

As the sun is beginning to set, you hear Papa arrive home. You kiss Annie on the forehead and go to greet him.

You lug the baskets he brings with him into the front room, and steer Papa into the kitchen whenever he gives the drawn curtain an odd look.

You help him unload his haul, which can only be described as ‘random shit.’ Books, mostly, but also bundles of old-looking paper and scrolls, maps, bundles of fabric that he claims are drapes, and some oddly-shaped decorative statues.

As you unpack, you ask him where he got everything. He thinks for a moment, then gives a typically vague response: “Oh, you know. In town.”

He then turns around and asks you what the hell happened while he was gone. You tell him to sit down first. He grabs the tray of mini sandwiches Annie made earlier, which were still untouched.

You talk to him over a cup of tea. He doesn’t touch the food, he just stares straight ahead, hands wrapped around the mug. You explain the visitors, what news they brought with them, and Annie’s insistence that you don’t go, too, and your lack of understanding as to why.

Once again you’re surprised how similar his mannerisms are to Annie’s as he processes for several long moments. They have the same thousand-yard stare and the same tight-lipped way of biting back what they’re feeling.

Finally, he breaks the silence with a sigh. “Back to Paradis, huh? And this time, it’s to help the Eldians… How will this help?”

This time, you find yourself without a meaningful reaction, either. You just shrug and shake your head.

He looks up at you. “And tell me again why you’re not going?”

“Annie insisted. She told them she wouldn’t go unless I stayed.”

“She could stay, too,” he mutters. He breaks away eye contact, and you can tell he’s putting effort into keeping his face emotionless. His shoulders sag with more than age. Grief itself weighs him down, and makes him seem a lot older and frailer than before.

You nod. “I thought so, too.”

Papa’s eyes grow misty, though he blinks them away just as quickly as they appeared. It makes you feel uneasy — there’s something about watching a parent breaking down in front of you makes you feel like the terrors of the world are too big to be comforted by. You don’t know what else to do, so you do what you’d do for Annie and reach out to touch his hand.

He looks surprised by the gesture, and his eyes unwittingly fill with tears again. And again he blinks them back. After a few seconds, he pulls his hand away and swallows hard.

“At least, uh,” a sniffle, then he clears his throat, “at least I know she’ll come back this time, with you here.”

A long silence passes. You know that he’s right, Annie would come back. Though at this point, what you were worried about wasn’t whether she returned at all, but if she returned to you with the same smile you’d grown to love so dearly. You worried whether when she came back if she’d still sang while she washed her hair in the shower, or if she’d still wake up early in the morning excited, kissing you while you’re half asleep on her way to take care of the animals.

The nightmares hadn’t stopped. But you’re afraid that when she comes back, there’s no chance that they’ll ever go away.

Papa wordlessly sets aside all of the new books he’d just gotten for her. You press a flower into the front cover of one of them.

That night, Annie sleeps in the nook downstairs, with you curled around her. It’s the most uncomfortable night of sleep you’ve ever had, but you’d do it a million times over. Something deep inside of you sinks as the reality sets in. This isn’t permanent. You might lose her again.

No. You are going to lose her again.

With shaking fingers, you brush back a lock of blonde hair and stroke the side of her cheek. That night, you take the opportunity to do what you never got to do all those years ago. You remind yourself of every dip and curve of her face. You know it by heart already, but you never want to forget for a moment.

You never want to forget the way her breathing slows when she sleeps, or the way she snores a little bit every time she breathes in. You etch the feeling of her body flush against yours into your mind and the way she unconsciously leans into you. All of the tiny things that you’re worried won’t be the same.

Annie squeezes your hand in her sleep. Silently, you finally let yourself cry.

It’s only fitting for the weather to reflect your moods after the news came. For the next few days, it pours. It starts out as heavy rain, then escalates to thunderstorms. On the fourth day, the sky is black all day and the wind howls. It’s a horrible storm, loud and destructive. All the animals stay inside the barn and seem perfectly happy to do so, even if they are a bit spooked. You make sure they have enough food and clean water and check on them as often as you can manage to get out there.

Papa’s en suite was protected from flooding, but the sandbags piled up against the door effectively locked him out for a few days. So he camps out in the study on the couch for a couple of nights much to his annoyance, but it does force Annie to get up and take a shower.

The power is out, but you make a small dinner with what you have. The three of you, plus Donut and the Siamese at your feet, all huddle together around a candle as you eat. Your conversation can’t quite drown out the sounds of the storm outside but it does distract you. It’s the closest you’ve ever felt like a family, and you can’t help but mourn the fact that it happened under such an unfavorable circumstance. And uncomfortable…

Papa reads aloud one of the books he’d gotten in town recently. It’s a history book about some nation that doesn’t exist anymore after the Rumbling, and you hardly listen, but the sound of his voice lulls Annie into a tranquil state for as long as he’s talking. You play with her hair as she sleeps in your arms, poking the freshly-cut ends.

After her dad goes to bed is when the trouble starts. As soon as the door upstairs closes, she starts to cry. She lets herself be comforted but doesn’t look you in the eye. She gets a couple of hours of fitful sleep before she gets up and goes into the bathroom for a while.

When she comes back, she’s even more of a mess. All she does is fall onto the bed with her head on your lap and cries.

It’s the middle of the night, but you shake off your sleepiness. You hold her close and try to comfort her. You’re terrified that all the stress will plague her dreams, and so you sleep lightly and fitfully with the fear that she’ll wake up screaming and unresponsive.

Eventually, you get her to settle back down, though every so often you hear her inhale shakily. Once you’ve made sure that her eyes stay closed and her breathing has calmed, your own eyes finally grow heavy once again.

Yet before either of you has the chance to sleep for very long, you’re woken up by a horrible scraping noise. It comes from directly above you and sends both of the cats on the bed yowling and scattering in opposite directions.

Wind blasts rain and leaves into your bed. Both you and Annie jolt upright, with her fingers digging into your arm. As confused and frightened as you are, she is far more upset. Lighting flashes in the sky and Annie screams like she can see the grim reaper. Bone-chilling, horrific screams that could shatter glass emanate out from her, though she is reacting to her surroundings.

“Annie?!” you shout, just to make sure she’s not sleeping.

“Y/N!” she shrieks in return, and then she gets even louder when a leaf slaps her directly in the face.

You’re more worried about her than assessing any of the damage. In your groggy state, you look around to make sure that there are no immediate threats.

A tree branch hangs inside of the bedroom, straight through the ceiling above the window that overlooks the garden. It’s slapping between the windowpane and the table next to the bed, and there’s water everywhere. But other than that…

Your biggest problem isn’t the house right now.

One of the cats is yowling and scratching to get out across the way, Annie is crying, and the combination of thunder and wind howling disorients you. It’s overwhelming, and instinct kicks in. Tears and raindrops mix on her face as she looks around trying to figure out what’s going on. You look around frantically and notice the bathroom door is open: a safe haven.

So you do what you feel like you have to do before you lose the gusto to do it. You throw Annie halfway over your shoulder and deadlift her out of the bed — it’s not romantic in the least. The whole time she screams and kicks, squirming and fighting against you.

You drag her into the bathroom and slam shut the door after the cat darts between your ankles before finally, all of the noises are muffled. Thunder still shakes the house, but the whipping of the wind is muffled. Annie sits slumped against the wall, so you drop down next to her to wrap your arms around her shoulders.

Fresh, hot tears run down your face, even though you barely realize that you’re crying, too. Annie’s fingers find a handful of your shirt, which she grips so tightly that it anchors you in place. Her grip is white-knuckled, anchoring you in place as she breathes raggedly.

You finally slump down enough to physically pull her into your lap and cradle her, properly. She starts to settle down, and eventually you’re able to get a good enough grip to really scoop her up in your arms. Stroking her hair, you whisper into her:

“It’s okay, I’ve got you now. You’re safe. Listen to my voice.”

It’s not really a comfortable position, but you stay hunched on your knees, with her sprawled out beneath you half-propped up on the wall until Annie can breathe a little better. You take a deep breath with her, and another, then another.

Eventually, she lets out a long, shaky exhale, then sits up on her own. You keep your hand on her arm to remind her she isn’t alone. Her eyes are huge, glistening as they well up with tears.

“It’s okay,” you reassure her, gently stroking her skin.

Lightning flashes, brightening the entire small room. Across the room, the Siamese shakes the water out of her fur, then licks her paw. Her ears twitch wildly as nervously glances. She slinks across the tiled floor slowly until she bumps against you and Annie, where she settles tentatively.

A particular loud pang of thunder shakes the room, rattling the window. You and Annie both scream and clutch one another while the Siamese pulls her lips back to hiss. A thumping noise echoes in the bathtub and rustles the shower curtain — the Siamese hisses again while all of your hair stands on end. Her ears point backward and she menacingly walks toward the mystery sound.

Another clap of thunder echoes and a pitiful little “mrow” echoes from the bathtub. The Siamese relaxes, and you’re met with the sight of Donut popping his little head up. His pupils are tiny slits, and his ears are flat against his head. Well, two mysteries are solved at once.

When he sees the Siamese is in the bathroom too, he jumps out of the tub. The Siamese growls, but when Donut rubs up against her side, her tail wraps around him.

Annie has gone limp in your arms. You stroke her hair with your other arm wrapped around her tightly, trying to offer her some comfort.

Finally, she speaks.

“Where’s my dad?” she asks, wild-eyed.

You shake your head. “Still downstairs. I think he’s okay.”

Neither of you speaks, and the both of you consider how heavily he sleeps with all the medication he takes.

Annie nods, though she still looks rattled. “Yeah, he’s fine.”

Lightning flashes again followed up with a deafening roll of thunder sweeping after it just half a second later. You both jump, and her grip on you tightens.

“Poor Rosemary. I wish she would come inside when the weather gets like this.”

You nod but reassure her nonetheless. “She can take care of herself. I saw her in the barn yesterday and she wouldn’t leave somewhere she knows she’s safe.”

Annie nods. “Yeah. You’re right, she’s safe.”

“If anything she’s taken control of the place,” you joke, “by the time the rain stops we can just consider the barn part of Rosemary’s Dominion.” You laugh at yourself, but fall silent when you see how worried Annie still is.

“Yeah…” she trails off. You can tell that she’s a million miles away.

You touch her cheek, and she looks at you with wide scared eyes. “Hey… You can tell me,” you whisper to her softly, “if you want to.”

Her lower lip trembles, and it all comes back out at once. It’s a genuine cry, an ugly cry, with snot running down her face and her words barely being intelligible.

“I don’t want to go,” she quakes as she starts to cry. “I really, really don’t want to go back there.”

“To Paradis?”

“No, to the fucking animal feed store,” she snaps back, in her anger. “Yes, obviously to Paradis!”

You don’t respond. Immediately, she starts crying harder. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she flings her arms around your neck, and you readjust so that you can properly support her. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I want you to be safe… I didn’t mean to.”

You shake your head. “Don’t apologize. Just get it out. Keep telling me about it,” you tell her, “please.” Annie’s fingers tighten in your clothes to the point where the fabric stretches.

After a few seconds, she takes a deep breath. “There are so many bad memories there.”

You tighten your hug around her as she goes on.

“Everywhere else is gone. All the other battlefields and cities I destroyed, I mean. Now, they’re just flattened earth. But Paradis… it’s still there. The people I terrorized there, they remember what I did. They hate me and I deserve it.”

“I’m worried that going back there is going to make me feel the same way I did back then,” her voice cracks, and she starts crying so hysterically that you can hardly understand her. “I don’t ever want to feel that again.”

You pull her as close as you can, your skin slipping against hers from the raindrops and sweat. “I don’t either. Let me come with you and I’ll help, I’ll take you away when it’s too much. Please, Annie.”

Annie shakes her head. “No. It won’t help, and there’s no use in the both of us being miserable.”

“I want to be there for you. I don’t care about their stupid mission and I’m not helping them but please, let me be there for you…”

She groans and shakes her head. “No, no. I need you here.”

“Why? Don’t give me some excuse either, tell me the real reason.”

“No, it’s not,” she insists, “besides: I need you to take care of my dad.”

You blink. “What?”‘ That is just, so completely not what you expected her to say.

“He’s your family now, you know. I need you to take care of him for me while I’m gone. It’s going to be hard for him to see me leave again.”

“Hard for him?” you gawk, “What about me?! It’s breaking my heart that you’re going and I’m staying.” You hold the bit about how you don’t want to be saddled with a grumpy old man you don’t know how to talk to.

As you press your mouth shut, she gives you a good hard look. Without saying a word or lifting a finger she somehow backs you into a corner. Just by looking at you, she pushes past all the bullshit and demands that you be real with her. And right now, given everything that’s about to happen, you can’t deny her that.

You sigh and roll your eyes.

Annie places a hand on your back to comfort you. “You’re going to have to learn to talk to him eventually, you know,” she says.

“That’s absolutely terrifying,” you confess. “And it’s not fair, either. ”

She raises an eyebrow. “It’s not fair that you get to stay with my dad?”

“No, it’s not,” you exclaim, “because it should be YOU spending time with your dad. Or at least all three of us should be together. While you’re reliving your worst nightmares every day, I’m supposed to… start feeding the goats and babysit Papa?!”

For the first time in days, she cracks a smile. It’s brief, but it takes her aback enough that she has to re-orient herself back into being miserable. It’s not much, but it makes you feel like who she really is, is still down in there somewhere, beneath all of the hurt and anger.

“No, just the bit about the goats,” she responds dryly. “My dad is going to try to babysit you, so don’t let him.”

You laugh, borderline like a crazy person. The sight of that smile, it meant everything to you in ways you couldn’t begin to say. Even though everything was falling apart, she’d still smiled at you.

The idea of bossing Papa around still turns your blood a little bit cold, though. “Do I have a choice in the matter?” you ask.

She huffs in amusement, not quite laughter. “Not if you ever want to get the one-up on him.”

You sigh, suddenly overwhelmed by sadness again. “I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe I won’t be there this time.”

Annie wraps her arms around your shoulders, then rests her forehead on your shoulder. “You aren’t going to be alone. You have each other, and my dad really loves you.”

“He’s got a funny way of showing it,” you scoff, and then you both laugh. Or, you both exhale harder than usual.

“He really does…” she admits. “But maybe he’ll surprise you.”

After a few seconds, you break her embrace. Your intention isn’t to pull away from her, but you need to get a good look at her.

Worried, you make sure you’re looking her in the eye.“I feel like that isn’t all this is about. Why do you want me to stay here so badly?” you ask, done with mincing your words. You try to hold it back, but you start to cry. “Am I not good enough? You don’t want me there with you? I’m only trying to help.”

Annie shakes her head vehemently and takes your hands in hers. She’s trembling, and takes a deep breath to gather herself.

“No, no! Of course I want you with me. It’s because I need something good to come back to, something worth living for. I want you, and this place, to stay safe. For it to stay the place we made it to be…”

Before you know it, you’re crying, and she takes your face in her hands. She brushes aside the tears that stream down your cheek with her thumbs. She’s crying too, but holding you in a way that you can’t wipe her tears, too.

What an apt, fitting metaphor for everything happening in your life. If only she’d let you help her… If only there was something you could do to keep her in your little safe haven for just a little longer. If only it could be forever.

“I don’t want to be apart from you either, but you can get out of this. I can’t. Stay, please If I leave, it’ll suck, but if you leave, this is just a house. You are what keeps it our home.” She chokes on a sob but tries to brush it off. “Anyway, the goats always bite my dad, and you know how he feels about the chickens. It’s best that someone they like stays behind.”

You can visibly see her shutting herself down, turning emotions off the way she used to so many years ago.

She’s forcing herself to pull it together in a way that’s all-too-familiar, and you haven’t seen in years. Internally, you begin to panic. Annie closes her eyes and by the time she’s opened them, there’s no emotion left within her.

You burst into tears again, and as you embrace one another, you end up stretched out on the floor. Your knees knock against the cold and hard tile, but the bruises that will come are the least of your concerns.

“I’ll be fine,” she says flatly, “don’t worry about me. I’ve gotten through this before and I’ll do it again.”

The regression makes your heart sink, but you know from experience that anything you say will fall on deaf ears. Instead, you just pull her into you.

“Yeah?” you ask, and at that moment, you choose to cling to the hope you feel, false or not.

“Mmhm, you’ll see,” she presses a kiss into your forehead, “you’ll see… I’ll come back in one piece.” She forces herself to smile, but Annie’s expression is hollow.

You bury your face into the crook of her neck so that you don’t have to see it. All you can do is try to get through to her in the only way you know how to do: you hold her.

All these years later, she still likes to cuddle the same way. Her head rests on your extended arm, going limp in your embrace while she lets you really nuzzle into her. She keeps herself tucked away into you, arms and legs curled up and protected by yours just like the cats. Soon enough, they too find their way over to the both of you and curl behind Annie.

It would have been perfect if it wasn’t for the monsoon outside and the fact that your elbow is trapped in the worst possible angle. Of course, you stay in the same position all night so Annie can sleep. You’re even more uncomfortable than you were the night in the study, but it’s these memories you’ll hold onto the dearest when she’s gone.

The next morning, it’s sunny. Birds are singing and lots of wild animals dart in and out the underbrush beyond the fences of the cottage. Annie climbs up onto the roof, hoisting you up behind her. In silence, the two of you rip up the damaged section of the roof. It only takes the afternoon to fix from the outside.

In the month you have left with her, everything is different. She still wakes up early to feed the livestock, but she doesn’t whistle while she cleans. Never again do you find her laughing at the kitchen table with Papa, or singing in the shower.

You still have weeks left, but it’s like she’s already gone. She becomes distant during the day as if she’s going through the motions. At night, she cries. It’s only a matter of time before she’s gone for good. So you hold her close, while you still can.

And you wait for the other shoe to drop.

68 notes · View notes

christinesficrecs · 4 years ago

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A very long list of updated snowed in fic recs for @starsandmoony 💜

On my Way by Gia279 | 17.9K

Huge black paws smacked the window, followed by a fuzzy face smooshing up against it.

He scrambled over the gear shift, tipping into the passenger seat. Bear, he thought hysterically. It had to be a bear, a freaking bear.

A big pink tongue rolled out, lips pulling back as the creature panted.

I’ve got chills... They’re multiplying! by DropsOfAddiction | 12.3K | Explicit

Derek is literally wrapped around him, one heavy leg and one heavy arm pinning him tight to Derek‘s front.

Warm and steady breaths tickle the back of Stiles’ neck. He tries not to freak out and he wonders how he’s going to extract himself without waking Derek. He totally isn’t ready to face into this conversation.

Stiles stretches gently and Derek grumbles clutching him tighter in his sleep. Stiles tries not to yelp when Derek buries his face in the back of his neck.

Well fuck.

One Star Awake by zjofierose | 9.5K

When Stiles gets stranded in the snow one dark and snowy night, he's in real danger. Fortunately, he gets rescued by a man on a horse.

Emergency Contact by bewarethesmirk | 1.2K

“Derek here hasn’t left your side,” the nurse coos, and Derek glares at her back. “You’re so lucky to have such an adoring husband.”

snow day by kellifer_fic | 8.3K

“It’s not a big deal. It just happens when I’m… cold,” Stiles offers, scratching gingerly at his head with a claw and then grimacing at it like it’s betraying him.

“Are you serious?”

“Hey, who are you to judge, wolfman?”

Your love warms me up by Smowkie | 1.2K

“At least it’s slowing down,” Stiles said, his lips slightly blue tinted and his teeth clacking.

“Yeah,” Derek said. Stiles had his arm hooked with Derek’s, and he was stumbling a little as they walked. “Come on, keep walking, keep warm.”

“Yeah, keep walking,” Stiles agreed.

Derek didn’t like how weak he sounded.

In the Dark Midwinter, Light by rhysiana | 3.7K | Mature

Really, Derek and Stiles being sent to an empty druid's cabin to fetch a book for Deaton and then getting snowed in could have gone so, so much worse.

it doesn't have to be a snowman by triggeringthehealing (froggydarren) | 4.9K

The Beacon Beans coffee shop is what Stiles would refer to as a lifesaver. They supply his dose of sugar whenever he needs it, they don't ask questions, and their hot chocolate is delicious.

And now they're running a snowman building competition where the grand prize would get him an entire year's worth of drinks. Really, all he needs is a partner to team up with. Only everyone else from the pack already seems to have paired up.

three words have never come easy by the_problem_with_stardust | 1.5K | Mature

If someone had told Derek five years ago that Stiles Stilinski would be the one living in a secluded cabin in the woods, Derek never would have believed them. Even now, he had a hard time reconciling his memories of Stiles as a high schooler with the young man who preferred the quiet found amongst the trees.

Whenever he’d inquired, Stiles had just smiled that enigmatic smile, so like Deaton or Morrell, and said something about being unable to think around the bustle of town.

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!” by jadore_hale | 2.3K

“I’m sorry,” Stiles sighed heavily, coming back down to earth, “But when you woke me up this morning and said that we needed to go out into the woods and find the evil Snow Witch that brought this shit here, I thought that was your emotionally stunted way of saying come build a snowman with me.”

In The Arms of A Werewolf by literaryoblivion | 9.2K

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Stiles is flabbergasted. How is this even possible? Werewolves he can take. Poisonous lizard creatures, sure. Once dead, now living creepy werewolf uncles, bit of a stretch but he can roll with it. Sacrificing ancient druids that masquerade as teachers, okay fine. But this?

An honest to god abominable snowman? In Beacon Hills, California no less?

Nope.

Winter Storm Stiles by 42hrb | 2K

Stiles isn’t looking forward to weathering his first snow storm on his own, then he meets a handsome stranger at the grocery store who might be able to help.

Find Me Sitting Fireside by kaistrex (weishen) | 13.2K

With the news that an Alpha wants Beacon Hills for their own, Derek and Stiles are forced to attend a couples retreat at a ski resort to learn their enemy’s identity. However, the threat is the least of Derek’s problems when he’s expected to fake a relationship, share a bed and suffer through candlelit dinners with the man he’s secretly been in love with for the past four years.

Waiting for Winter by Twice_Shy (notboldly) | 3.2K

Everyone had a soulmark, a special shape on their body that formed during childhood and was meant to lead each person to their soulmate.

Unfortunately, Derek’s soulmark is shaped like a snowflake, and that fact has been actively ruining his life since he was six years old.

world tilts by wearing_tearing | 1.5K

The guy is gorgeous as hell, and Stiles kind of wishes he could stare at him forever.

He figures he deserves a treat after almost slipping to his death.

Wait, What? by wangler | 5.3K

When a significant portion of the Beacon Hills Preserve ends up coated in three entire inches of snow, the pack looks into it. If by looking into it one means packing a bunch of garbage bags and huge Tupperware lids into the back of Stiles’ Jeep to go look for a decent sledding hill. Things go sideways, because of course they do.

A Very Sterek Christmas by TobyRosetta | 13.5K

It’s actually snowing in Beacon Hills, and it’s got everyone out of whack. Out of the kindness of his own heart, Stiles decides to take some things up to the the old Hale Mansion for old Sourwolf himself. But when the storm kicks up and snows them both in, the night takes an interesting turn.

Blanketed by got_the_bite | 3.3K

“Stiles, where are you?” Derek demands again. His voice is higher than usual Stiles notes.

“You would be such a nice tenor if you joined a choir,” Stiles thinks aloud.

But In Case I Stand One Little Chance by mikkimouse | 8.6K

Stiles’s Jeep breaks down in the middle of the snowstorm. He’s rescued by his high school crush, and as the cherry on top, is trapped in a cabin with said crush until the roads clear.

Fuck his life.

Snow Flirting by thepsychicclam | 11,396

As Beacon Hills get pounded with foot after foot of snow, single dad Stiles can't quite keep up with his four year old, his job, and shoveling his driveway. Derek makes his teenage son shovel Stiles' walk, and that just leads to Derek helping Stiles out with a whole bunch of other tasks. That's okay with Derek, though, cause any chance to be with Stiles is okay with him.

Baby, It's Cold Outside by Jebiwonkenobi | 2,791

Beacon Hills has a snow storm. Totally-not-cuddling happens.

Come Fly With Me (Or Don't) by stilinskisparkles | 15,325

Stiles is overworked and stressed out when his flight home gets delayed due to copious amounts of snow. He finds entertainment with one Derek Hale, whom he hasn't seen since high school but really doesn't mind getting reacquainted with.

Especially when it turns out Derek is surprisingly hilarious and will reluctantly play snap with him. And can walk on his hands.

The Man in the Snow by mikkimouse | 15,894

Derek finds a young man injured in a ravine on the border of his ranch. That's strange enough, but the mystery only deepens when the young man wakes up without any memory of what he was doing out there.

Blizzard Boyfriend by literaryoblivion | 1,897

With a record-breaking snowstorm on the horizon, threatening a city shutdown for a few days, Stiles gets the bright idea to put an ad up on craigslist for someone to spend his snow days with that would be filled with cuddling, movies, alcohol, and potential makeouts or more.

It's a joke until someone responds.

and home before dark by verity | 3,175

The mystery of the absent Hale brother was hardly a mystery at all until he appeared at last, set on taking up residence out in the woods.

(In which Derek is a hedgewitch. With a cat.)

Let it snow! Let it snow! (but please let it stop eventually) by relenafanel | 19,123

Stiles grew up with his bedroom window overlooking Derek's bedroom, so when he returns home for the holidays he's surprised to find a stranger in his nerdy neighbour's bedroom.

Only, he's not much of a stranger.

It is Derek Hale, the guy who is going to be his new step brother, if the rumours are true.

Red Against the Snow by Ember | 34,219

Stiles is trapped for the holidays in the cabin of a strange man/hermit named Derek. A strangely friendly wolf befriends Stiles during his stay. It's up to the teenager to find out why Derek has secluded himself from society, what the feelings he's beginning to have means, and what the connection between the mysterious man and the mysterious black wolf is.

an exaltation of larks by llassah | 25,370

All Derek wants is to get through the lambing season with his body and spirit intact. He had thought that the blizzards would be the main danger, not a highborn omega with beautiful eyes and a stubborn streak.

The flamingo in the yard by Vendelin | 6,107

It isn't fair that Stiles needs to work Christmas, when his dad is on the other side of the country. Or that his really hot, next door neighbour is around for the holidays as well. Or that there's a power outage that makes things even worse. Or better.

(Fake) Winter Weather Brings Us Together by tylerfucklin (zimothy) | 10,535

So naked cuddling with Derek while suffering from hypothermia wasn't really on Stiles' to-do list for the week, but neither was that kiss--so who was Stiles to complain?

It's a Wild Pitch (But He's a Contact Hitter) by jettiebettie | 11,828

They're combating supernatural forces with blunt instruments now. Seems legit. As long as Stiles doesn't end up getting frostbite, he's willing to roll with it. Not that his friends have to worry about that. Fucking werewolves.

Abominable by Revenant | 20,277

Where Derek buys a secluded cabin halfway up a mountain, meets a yeti and falls in love with Stiles, but not necessarily in that order.

stilinski v. a. snowman | tumblr ficlet

This fic was inspired by this prompt: ‘we’re stuck in a log cabin overnight during a snowstorm bc of some stupid school team building exercise and it’s freEzing and I can’t sleep and you can hear me shivering in the next bed so you pick me up and dump in your bed and good grief you are hot in every sense of the word’ au

#sterek fics #ficrecs #snowed in #winter #winter fics #snowstorms #this is so long #🤦🏻‍♀️#starsandmoony

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starshipsofstarlord · 4 years ago

Text

‘Tis The Damn Season | Hamish Duke

Warnings; includes angst, implications of smut (not too detailed), breakup, heart ache, sacrifice, pain, and angst again

Based of ‘tis the damn season by Taylor Swift

If I wanted to know who you were hanging with

Whilst I was gone, I would’ve asked you

Belgrave, home. For a while, you had thought that Hamish had served as that shelter, but the brick road broke, splitting the pair of you apart. It was as though the pair of you were ice, thawing over the time that the independent plan had been brewing.

This place, it was to be missed. It was a great step of a risk that you were to be taking, and so was the weighing of your heart. It felt as though it would be difficult to carry, it would remain with you, surely even after you crossed and exited the borders of the town.

Leaving overall, let alone him was to be exceedingly difficult, any attachment had to be released, like a bird from a cage. But birds in cages had routines, they’d be fed, and get affection, but this one wouldn’t. He’d just be abandoned, left to fend for himself.

The man that had been the only dream that had rendered your brain at night placed the guitar into the back of your car. He knew that it, what you had, was ending.

This was the end, and alternately not the one that Hamish had been expecting. If you were leaving university behind you, in the reflection of your rear view mirror, he would be left standing, alone and broken hearted.

It’s the kind of cold, fogs up the windshield glass

But I felt it when I passed you

“Goodbye Hamish.” It felt like a cruel lyric that would be used in a song, a line you’d harmonise on stage.

Getting into the drivers seat, you allowed yourself a first and last glance through the chilled glass, blinking away any tears that threatened to spill.

He was a good man, there were great things ahead of Hamish Duke. But none of that included you, this was his journey now, you had already made the choice of yours.

And this was the price of it, the freezing of your heart; the truest and purest love that you had ever felt. No matter, you had already paid it, and caused pain for both Hamish and yourself.

There’s an ache in you, put there by the ache in me

But if it’s all the same to you

It’s the same to me

Turning the ignition on, you proceeded to drive past everything that you had ever known, all that you had love for.

The smallest distance seared a wrenching ache within your chest. It felt like a punishment for putting yourself first for once, it made you concerned, surely it shouldn’t have.

The car’s slow pace had Hamish biting his lip, containing any of his avid disagreements to this. He understood your priority, respected it even, but none of that made watching you leave any easier.

If anything, it gave him an urge to turn and head to a bar or something of the sort. But he remained, his heart sinking lower as you got further from his line of sight.

It shouldn’t have heart him as much as it did. It was common knowledge that first loves weren’t eternal. Time would only help him accept that cruel fact, or so he thought.

So we could call it even

You could call me “babe” for the weekend

Hamish’s body was under bliss, he had found his solace once more. He fit perfectly upon your nude form, it felt like his soul was rebuilding itself.

But he had to remember that you were only here for the weekend, you’d soon be gone again. And he would fall apart all over, just like the first time.

“Babe.” The blonde moaned, his hands intertwining with yours, he had missed more than just pleasure from your entanglements. He had beyond missed the entirety of your being.

The name that you were keen to lap from the tip of his theoretical tongue was a misplaced comfort. It shouldn’t however have the effect of such comfort, not when the pair of you were claiming to have been trying your hardest to move past what you had once been.

It was an old and tiring routine, that you were prone to returning to. The sinful actions were bad for each of your mental health, but it felt right to argue against it.

The wisest decision would be to forget Hamish, and every notion he inclined you to feel, but it was too difficult, especially when he had you seeing orgasmic stars.

‘Tis the damn season, write this down

I’m staying at my parents’ house

“Aren’t you seeing any old friends from university this Christmas?” The question was poised by your mother, she was far too concerned by the fact that since your arrival you had hardly left the house.

It was even blurred by snow outside, not too much to the point where you’d have to be shovelling it from the porch, but it was enough. It was beautiful, perfect for this time in the season.

In fact, you loved the snow. But the memories that bombarded your mind from the wonderful weather had your mind rolling back to Hamish, specifically how blue his eyes appeared amongst the frosted surroundings.

The thought had you sniffling, holding in a post breakup breakdown from your mother’s eyes. She thought you were sick, demanding that you get something for ‘that runny nose of yours, it could be contagious’.

And the road looks real good now

And it always leads to you and my hometown

The exact second that you entered your car, your hands sternly hit the steering world. Were you not allowed to follow your career through the workings of the world without punishment?

Because it sure felt that way, as though you were being a rebel in a war, however the battlefield was that of your heart. It was tearing slowly, and had been over the entirety of your hopeful escapade.

It cried regularly to be united back with Hamish, to its rightful home. It was suffering from separation anxiety from him, clouding the gaps in your brain and making them think about the tall, handsome man alone.

And the road taken looks real good now

And it always leads to you and my hometown

Every time that you were in your car, it felt like you were leaving home all over again, and Hamish would be standing by, with his upset aura, trying his hardest to keep himself together.

It was the worst feeling, knowing that exiting town was essentially the same as stabbing him in the heart. There was no feeling worse than knowing that you had hurt Hamish, you still felt more than something for him.

Whenever you’d come by of a weekend, which was every couple of months, occasionally each few, you’d take the pill of seeing him. But not too long ago, you’d realised how cruel the self invitation really was.

He had been growing used to life without you, and then you’d reappear, lounging in his bed, only to rip away from him and cause a terrible ache in his heart when you’d return to your performing duties. It was unfair, so you refused this month to allow him to know that you were back, otherwise the painful pattern would only continue, and there’d never be an end to it.

I parked my car between the Methodist

And the school used to be ours

Belgrave university was right beside the pharmacy, it only made you feel actually sick. The memories from the school were returning, there were so many of them, it was as though they were trying to anchor you in the snow as you stepped out of your car.

Almost all of them included Hamish, he was the main attraction of the university anyways. But perhaps you had stood there reminiscing longer than you should have, because it seemed that you had drawn some unwanted attention.

Hamish. He was walking from the entrance, a sombre expression had been held upon his face until he saw you. And then his face was rivalled with hope and confusion, you hadn’t informed him that you were back yet.

He’d already expected you to be returning for the holidays, mostly for your family, however, you hadn’t told him, and from the wideness of your eyes, the realisation kicked into his instinct. You had had no intention to.

But he continued to walk towards you anyways, trying his best not to smile and coo at the adorableness of your red nose.

The holidays linger like bad perfume

You can run, but only so far

The thought of making a leg for it, sprinting as far away as possible, or getting back into your car and steering away certainly crossed your mind.

This interaction was certainly not a miracle of the season, it felt like a curse, ascending from hell itself. You hadn’t wanted to see him, but the universe had interfered and made a collaboration.

I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave

But if it’s okay with you, it’s okay with me

However every time you came and left, this building confrontation had been avoided, with you packing your suitcase for the umpteenth time, zipping each of your mouths shut and hearing nothing but the sound of the wheels rolling across the concrete of your family’s driveway.

Now, to contradict it all, the pair of you were stood upon even ground, it wasn’t outside of either of your homes, it was strangely the perfect place for this. And you found your dread slightly dissipating, aware that this was always going to happen, the road had just ended.

We could call it even

You could call me “babe” for the weekend

He was confused as to what to say or do. This was the first instance that he had seen you again in a place other than in his sheets, it was overwhelming.

“You haven’t been answering my messages.” His tone was calm, but in it, pain was presented, his sad blue eyes also justified that aspect of his aura. “Here for another weekend?”

It came across as less pleasant than he had anticipated, he was stressed to say the least. Something happened to him, it was out of the ordinary, he had wanted to speak to someone, and the first person that had came to his mind was you.

‘Tis the damn season, write this down

I’m staying at my parents’ house

Wringing your hands at the sound of his voice, it was visible that his presence made you nervous. That wasn’t what he wanted at all, he already scared himself after that sheathing of wolf fur wrapped itself around him and chose him as its vessel. His intent wasn’t to make you mirror his discomfort.

And so he uncrossed his arms, putting them into his trouser pockets and tried to look as relaxed as his exterior could fathom.

“I’m staying with my parents, it’s the holidays and all. Had to come home somewhen.”

And the road not taken looks real good now

Time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires

But you knew, that it was all to return to him. That was the universe’s plan for you, if you ever tried to get away, it’d only force you to reconnect once again. There was no escape, and a part of you was not complaining about that.

The other however was outrageous, nothing could ever be easy, it all drifted down shore from the plan, the ultimate dream. Using your voice to sing was the goal, however here you were instead, mentally cursing and dragging the name of the planet through the darkness inhabited in your neurons.

Now I’m missing your smile, hear me out

And the road not taken looks real good now

Right now, all you wished was to stay. His smile was inviting you to do, and so you stepped cautiously towards Hamish, hands going to his face and pressing the pads of your fingers to his cold cheeks.

Snow began to fall, but you could care less. It already felt like there was a blizzard forcing to search for shelter, and here it was, in the body of this one man. He was different from the rest, he was your road, the one you wanted to continue on, rather than drive away from.

And it always leads to you and my hometown

Sleep in half the day just for old times’ sake

His eyes shut at the contact, it was far more passionate than the times you had seen him during your occasional visits. Don’t get it mistaken, the sex was great, however it was a coping mechanism, rather than a true example of love.

There had been something missing, at first you assumed that it was the lack of labels between the two of you, however you proved yourself wrong after realising that it was the proximity that the pair of you had once had.

The loyalty, the trust, the knowledge that the two of you had traded. It had always been mutual, and so was this heartache, it wasn’t fair for the pair of you to be apart, yet still suffering from more than the distance.

I won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay

So I’ll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends

There was one singular thing that Hamish desired to ask. However it’d be a two way street of cruelness if he allowed it to slip. But if he gave it permission to leave his mouth, then perhaps it would be a different story.

Everything could go back to normal, the way things had been. Except from him of course, he was forever changed, he was the house to a creature so unbelievable, yet proven real, that he could not just dispose of it. That would end in his death if he were to split from this monster within him.

But he would also die if he had to be distanced mentally from you any longer. He took one long stride of his leg, cupping the edges of your face, and clashed the two of your lips against his own. The contact was hungry, needing to swallow any last breaths that could possibly be breathed in each other’s presence.

If he had it his way, he wouldn’t break the unison against you, however he had to, otherwise he would surely have to catch your tired body, not that that would be the worst thing in the world.

“Stay, don’t go again.” It fell, permitting a moment of silence in the air. This required thought, but the answer could be sudden, if it were, then that would be the true response that he was seeking. It would be an instinct to remain here, with him, at your home.

Who’ll write books about me if I ever make it

And wonder about the only soul

It made a sigh tumble from the hollow of your throat, as though you were shocked by his defiance and desire. However you were not, the grand query was to come to pass sometime, it had been eventual, until now.

He had finally ripped the band aid from the soreness upon his beating chest, and done so to your own. He had opened the wound, allowing it to breathe in the surrounding air, making your own hitch as you thought of an appropriate reply.

It wasn’t professional to be so swayed by his proposition, however, what about all that you wanted to accomplish? The career you were pursuing, the town of Belgrave wouldn’t be so kind to permit you the reputation you were seeking.

“I don’t know what to say.” The truth left your lips, the mind that was being stalled by all the possibilities, the two paths that were duelling for your footsteps, was suffering from total confliction. There was no easy answer, either way, you were to be giving something you loved up.

Who can tell which smiles I’m fakin’

And the heart I know I’m breakin’ is my own

“How about yes?” He was desperate to hear it, the confirmation that you would remain with him through the tough time that he was painfully living through. Your absence, albeit how it was completely your choice, did not help the situation.

Hamish needed someone that not only he could rely on and trust, but would help him. Somebody whom could keep him in touch with his human side, and away from the likening to alcohol that he had picked up upon now that he was legal to purchase it himself.

“Okay. I’ll stay for a little, but no promises to it being permanent.” You had been swayed by not only his engorging blue eyes, but also the pain, the pleading that echoed behind them. He was desperate for you to remain with him, and you feared for his mental health if you didn’t compromise.

To leave the warmest bed I’ve ever know

We could call it even

Even though I’m leaving

The pin had dropped, the choice had been made. The sacrifice bled out from your heart, the same red as the sheets that were currently around you. Hamish stared up at the ceiling, his hand softly stroking the skin of your shoulder.

“It’s funny, every time that we spend the weekend together like this, I tell my mum that I’m seeing an old friend from school.” The sound of your voice pursed a smile to Hamish’s face, he huffed a small, almost wolfish laugh.

“That’s kind of the truth, if you think about it.” He pulled you closer, placing a slow yet short kiss upon your lips, to which you reciprocated. This had been the best choice that you could have made, for not only the man nestled in the bed beside you, but also yourself.

And I’ll be yours for the weekend

‘Tis the damn season

We could call it even

It was both a selfish and selfless call that you had taken. One that perhaps one day, you would kick yourself for making, but right now, you held no regret to it. Hamish had been your first love, and fate had it so that he would also be your last.

“My mum would be over the moon to know that I was with you rather than one of the girls that I took bio with.” She had forever been fond of Hamish, even before the two of you had became an item. Even your father had a likening to the young man. The pair would pleased that the two of you were still in communications.

“What are we now?” He asked seriously, he had reeled enough answers from you for one day, however it was another thing that he would have liked to know. He didn’t merely want you to be his only over the weekend, he wanted it to return to the way it all was, before your first departure, he’d ensure that you had already taken your last ticket out of town.

You could call me “babe” for the weekend

‘Tis the damn season, write this down

“Us, I suppose. The equals to one another, as we always were.” His dimples showed at the clarity that you provided. Until he felt a pain in his back, it cracked up through his spine as he felt it begin again.

The dreaded transition, the curse was sparking to life in the worst possible moment. He needed you to be away from him, if he harmed you, then that would surely kill him. He couldn’t have a mark from his own hand upon you, it would be against his will, but the blood would have still been drawn by himself.

I’m staying at my parents’ house

And the road not taken looks real good now

Time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires

Hamish’s sudden seating in bed had you frowning, your hand caressed his his shoulder, however he snarled at your touch, harshly shrugging you off from him. To say you were worried was an understatement, in the light of the afterglow, he had always been quiet and calm, but this was something you had never witnessed.

If you believed in anything beyond this world, perhaps you’d have suspected he was possessed by something greatly evil and controlling. But they were all tales, fiction and fairy tales that were drawn into illusions and dreams.

“Are you okay?” He wasn’t, and if he didn’t get space from you, then you too would be suffering. And so he spat the only thing that he could think of to get you to spook, to run far away from him.

Now I’m missing your smile, hear me out

We could just ride around

And the road not taken looks real good now

“I’ve changed my mind. Leave!” It was as though he roared the words at you, and he had you in a haste to scramble for your clothes and leave his room. This wasn’t supposed to happen, none of it. But he knew that he had been too greedy, he couldn’t be alive with this horrible circumstance that was inside of him and have you.

It may not have been fair, but it was the safest route. In the end, he had figured it out, you couldn’t help him with this. He didn’t want to tell you, he didn’t want you to know that he was a monster.

You never believed in the supernatural anyways, and that was now for the best. It would make you safer, and more importantly, have faith that he was just a jerk, not some killer that hunted under the full moon.

And it always leads to you and my hometown

It always leads to you and my hometown

You had escaped from your hometown. But Hamish would always draw you back, one way or another...

#hamish duke imagine #hamish duke oneshot #hamish duke x reader #hamishxreader #hamish imagine #hamish duke #the order x reader #theorder x reader #the order oneshot #The Order #thomas elms #netflixtheorder #theorderfanfic #netflixxreader #the order netflix #imagine #imagines #xreader

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spencers-renaissance · 4 years ago

Text

💫Moreid Masterlist

GIF by @criminalmindsvibez

Hurt/Comfort or Angst with a Happy Ending

🌊Still Left With the River

Derek wakes up to find his boyfriend crying on the sofa. Cue the hurt, the comfort, and the fluff.

1.6k, hurt/comfort, fluff, caretaker!derek, autistic spencer, crying, sad spencer

🌳Trees and Seas Have Flown Away, I Call it Loving You

Derek says something hurtful, but it happens to lead to just about the best thing that’s ever happened to Spencer.

3.2k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, fighting/making up, angst with a happy ending, autistic spencer, coming out, getting together

🍓A Chronicle of Loss

5 people Spencer Reid lost and 1 person he gained. A look at the traumas Spencer faces over the series, and giving him the happy ending he deserves.

3.6k, grief, loss, abandonment issues, insecurity, depression, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, getting together, ‘didn’t know they were dating’, protective derek, autistic spencer

🍯Honeysuckle

The BAU decide to head out for a picnic one summer afternoon, but they’re soon rudely interrupted by a bee sting and anaphylactic shock. Seeing Spencer carted off in an ambulance is not exactly how they expected the day to go.

2.3k, whump, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt spencer, friendship, medical conditions, severe allergic reactions

🌙The Noiseless Crash of Crumbling Walls

After Derek and Spencer are paired up on a science project in their senior year of high school, they become the closest, most unlikely friends possible. But what happens when Derek finally finds out what Spencer's dealing with at home? Inspired by the prompt “where did you get those bruises?”

4.5k, high school au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, hurt spencer, protective derek, abuse, friendship, pre-slash, spencer just turned 16, derek is almost 18

🔥The Insistent Burn of a Falling Heart - part two

Derek is hopelessly in love with his childhood best friend, and he can't even escape him at home, since they're living together while they study at Cal Tech. He's resigned himself to a miserable, Spencer-less fate until lasagne, bad memories, and a whole lot of crying bring the real truth out into the open.

4.2k, hurt!spencer, fluff, angst with a happy ending, mutual pining, getting together, college au, first kiss, misunderstandings

💔let him be soft (and let him be mine) part one // part two

After Derek pulls another self-sacrificing stunt at the culmination of their most recent case, Spencer runs out of their apartment as he desperately grapples with how it makes him feel. (Collab with @criminalmindsvibez! You can find her complimentary edit here.)

2.4k, hurt/comfort, crying, abandonment issues, injured!derek, hurt!spencer, miscommunication, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective!derek

🪦how the cold numbs everything but grief

Six days after Emily dies, Spencer finds himself soaked in freezing water, catatonic on the bathroom floor. Only Derek can ease the roaring, burning, demanding agony of this grief.

1.2k, grief/mourning, emily’s ‘death’ in season six, hurt!spencer, hurt!derek, hurt/comfort, angst with a hopeful ending (serious tw for grief here)

✨storm-darkened or starry bright

Spencer contracts HIV. It all falls apart after that.

6.5k, angst, illness, hurt!spencer, hurt/comfort, worried derek, depression, mutual pining, getting together, angst w a happy ending

⛈this heavy humanness

Spencer leaves the oven on overnight, and Derek - whose pent-up emotions get the best of him - loses it, exposing secrets neither of them expected to be spilled, for two very different reasons. They get there in the end.

3.9k, est. rel., past abuse, arguing & making up, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, miscommunication hurt spencer

💤I turn and reach for you

Three months after Hankel, Spencer starts getting terrible nightmares that keep him up at night. He tries desperately to keep his secret until one day when it's all too much to bear anymore. Luckily, Derek Morgan is there to hold him together as he falls apart.

2.1k, nightmares, hurt/comfort, ptsd, angst with a happy ending, fluff, literal sleeping together, getting together, post-revelations

Pure Fluff

🌒when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)

Spencer’s not been sleeping, and as much as Derek adores his sleepy clinginess and physical affection, as soon as they get home he’s determined to get to the bottom of it.

1.9k, fluff, hurt/comfort, sleep-deprivation, clingy!spencer, physical affection, anxiety, cuddling

🎄A Christmas Like This

Spencer has a very specific plan for their first Christmas in their new house, and it has to be absolutely perfect. Derek’s going to do everything in his power to make his boyfriend as happy as possible, even if that means a house covered in garlands and a tree covered in animal skeletons…

2.9k, fluff, christmas fic, est relationship, neurodivergence, romance, domesticity, day in the life

💍my heart talks about nothing but you

Derek finds Spencer staring longingly at dancing newlyweds while on a case and once he gets to the bottom of why he’s tasked with making a proposal to a man who knows it’s coming special somehow. (He pulls it off.)

2.5k, established relationship, hurt/comfort, minor angst, fluff, relationship discussions, proposal, protective derek

✨I told the stars about you - part two

Derek and Spencer have their first date. They dance to Frank Sinatra and cuddle in an ice cream parlour, before kissing the hell out of each other at Spencer's front door. That's pretty much it. (Prequel to above fic.)

2.1k, first date, first kiss, pure tooth-rotting fluff, dancing, flirting, protective derek

🎂I can’t hold enough of you in my hands - part three

Derek and Spencer are finally getting married and the rest of the BAU are there to help them through every step of the day. Including a little surprise that Derek has up his sleeve for their first dance. (Third part to the above two fics.)

3.1k, tooth-rotting fluff, marriage/wedding day, team as family, team dynamics, domesticity, paternal hotch, maternal alex, just a whole lotta love man

🔪Shovel Talk

Hotch and Emily find out about Derek's relationship with Spencer and decide it's time for a chat.

1.5k, fluff, humour, est. rel., protective!derek, emily, and hotch, relationship reveal, mentions of past hurt spencer

📚I’ll (Never) Know What It’s Like Not to Love You

Spencer finds his old journals in the attic, and he and Derek reminisce on the days they used to pine for one another. Luckily, those days are over, and they have forever ahead of them.

1.3k, tooth-rotting domestic fluff, past mutual pining, past hurt!spencer, cuddling & snuggling, late canon

Getting Together

🌨Even More Beautiful

The BAU is stuck in Michigan with no case and no way home, so naturally, Spencer and Derek confess their love for one another. (Based on the prompt ‘You look even more beautiful covered in snow.’)

3.5k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity, hurt/comfort

🎧Hear it in the Silence

A short, fluffy chronicle of Spencer realising in increments how in love with Derek he is, and navigating a real, beautifully sweet relationship that's not always smooth sailing, especially since he's been hurt before. (Based on Taylor Swift’s You are in Love.)

3.7k, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, dev relationship, tw past abuse, domesticity

🎅🏼Secret Santa

Penelope rigs the BAU’s Secret Santa game to finally get Derek and Spencer together with extraordinary success, and they have her to thank for their future first date. Oh, and a sprig of mistletoe nearly throws the whole thing out the window.

2.8k, fluff, getting together, insecurity/anxiety, christmas fic, first kiss, misunderstandings, friendship

🌳The One Constant

Derek wakes up after having his appendix removed with temporary amnesia from the anesthesia, and Spencer certainly isn't prepared for the man he's pined after for four years to a) not recognise him, and b) start flirting with him. It all works out in the end, with a little help from Hotch.

4k, hurt/comfort, fluff, mutual pining, insecure spencer, flirting, getting together, misunderstandings, first kiss

☕️i’ll retire my bones to make you tea and read you poetry

Derek doesn't exactly expect to invite a sleepy Spencer over for a movie night after a case, but his blinding smile in response makes him happy he did. The kiss they share the next morning makes him even happier.

3.6k, fluff, getting together, cuddling, insecure!spencer, pet names, mutual pining, light hurt/comfort, first kiss, love confessions

Embarrassed!Spencer Drabble

A misunderstanding at a BAU get together has Spencer embarrassed and a long-awaited kiss finally happening.

1.2k, fluff, angst, getting together, first kiss

📚100

Spencer's an academic researcher who spends every morning at his local library. Derek just happens to drop by one Tuesday and ask the pretty boy in the classics section if he can help him find a book. Sparks fly.

2.1k, library au, fluff, meet-cute, pining, shy spencer, coming out

💣Mayhem

Imagine that scene in S4E1 when Derek is driving the ambulance loaded with a bomb about to explode, except it’s Spencer on the other end of the phone and they finally get their shit together.

4.2k, canon divergence, spencer is the tech analyst, getting together, mutual pining, insecure spencer, angst with a happy ending, fluff, declarations of love

🧑🏻‍🦽 dry me off and hold me close

Derek has finally relented and is bringing his boyfriend Spencer to meet the rest of the team. That means, though, he has to finally tell them about his boyfriend's disability. Terrified that they'll react badly, he puts it off until he can't anymore. Turns out he was worried for nothing

5.7k, so much fluff, protective derek, disabled spencer, caretaker derek, spencer is not in the bau, team as family, hurt/comfort, light angst, est. rel, chronic illness, slice of life: disabled edition

💐I’ll bloom for you (while my heart still cries)

(Based on the age-old tumblr prompt) "Sometimes I steal flowers from your garden on my way to the cemetery and today you've caught me and insisted on coming with me to make sure the 'girl is pretty enough to warrant flower theft' and I'm trying to figure out how to break it to you that we're on our way to a graveyard."

3.7k, fluff, meet-cute, au: student spencer, fbi agent derek, hacker penelope, grief & mourning, shy spencer, getting together, mutual pining

🌖This Gravitational Pull

Penelope Garcia sets her two best friends Derek & Spencer up on a blind first date. Even with the best intentions and highest expectations, no-one could've predicted it would go quite this well.

2.9k, fluff, first date, au: diff first meeting, shy spencer, insecurity, anxiety, flirting, cuddling, protective derek, silly amounts of affection

#criminal minds #criminal minds masterlist #criminal minds fic #moreid #moreid fic #derek morgan #spencer reid #derek morgan/spencer reid #derek morgan x spencer reid

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years ago

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2020 Fics

Hi ya’ll! I took some inspiration from my girl @supernatural-jackles and did a round up of all the fics I posted this year! Anything from 2020 is below and organized by pairing. I never realized I did so many oneshots this year until now. I’m looking forward to what 2021 brings!

Dean: 78 Fics (35 oneshots, 32 imagines, 10 series, 1 drabble)

Sam: 6 fics (4 oneshots, 2 imagines)

Jensen: 20 Fics (16 oneshots, 3 imagines, 1 series)

Jared: 4 Fics (3 oneshots, 1 imagine)

No Pairing: 3 Fics (3 oneshots)

Poly Pairing: 3 Fics (2 oneshots, 1 imagine)

Other Characters: 1 Fic (1 oneshot)

Total 2020: 115 Fics (64 oneshots, 39 imagines, 11 series, 1 drabble)

Dean x reader

Out Of The Way (Part 2) (Bartender!Dean x reader) - The reader has been working at the bar for a while and things seem to be running smoothly as she and Dean continue to grow closer.

Creep (Dean x reader) - The reader runs into an old flame at the bar.

Girl’s Trip (Dean x reader) - Dean wakes up the reader and her friends after the reader’s bachorlette party in Vegas.

Quarantine (Doctor!Dean x Nurse!reader) - After an accident at work leaves the reader exposed to a dangerous virus, she has has to spend two weeks in quarantine with her ex-boyfriend, Dean.

Not Stupid (Dean x reader) (11x17 Rewrite) - After a hunt goes wrong, the reader and Sam are injured and it only gets worse from there.

Rough Ride (Dean x reader) (smut) - The reader gets in trouble with Dean on purpose but he’s going to make her work to get off.

Stranded (EMT!Dean x reader) (smut) - After a car accident, the reader and Dean are stranded on the side of the road in a storm and begin to bicker. When Dean nearly leaves, she incentivizes him to stay.

Anything For You (Michael!Dean x reader) (smut) - The reader has another one of her control lessons with Michael.

My Oh My (Alpha!Dean x omega!reader) (smut) - The reader and her next door neighbor Dean have an arrangement to help one another through heats and ruts or just to fool around when they feel like it. When the reader’s heat hits though, things go differently this time around.

Omega Mine (Omega!Dean x omega!reader) (smut) - After a long hunt, Dean’s heat hits him full on and triggers the reader’s as well. But Dean needs to be taken care of first, the reader has just the trick.

Hot Pink (Dean x reader) (smut) - After a hunt, Dean needs an extra roll of bandages and finds something intriguing in the reader’s bag.

Harder (AU Dom!Dean x sub!reader) (smut) - The reader has a bad day at work and needs Dean to help her unwind, even if she might take it too far.

Natural (Dean x reader) (smut) - After sharing their feelings for one another, the reader and Dean are finally about to get intimate. Only the reader gets nervous about how she might look downstairs.

The Game (Dean x reader) - After Dean’s death, the reader isn’t in great shape and would prefer to stay home and be miserable. But when she gets a letter from Dean, she soon starts playing a game he created for her in the event that he died to help her try to get the closure she needs.

Can’t Stand The Heat (Cowboy!Dean x reader) (smut) - After a long day at work, Dean comes home to a very warm reader in very little clothing.

Dry Spell (Dean x reader) (smut) - When Dean is cursed on a hunt, he discovers a few things belonging to him may be missing. It may be some time before they find a cure but the reader doesn’t see a problem with this.

Five Times I Fell For You (Dean x reader) - Five different times Dean has fallen in love with the reader over the course of their relationship.

Blank Slate (Actor!Dean x reader) - After losing her memories of her life with her family, the reader has to try and piece together what exactly happened to her with her husband’s help.

Mateless Mate (Alpha!Dean x Human!reader) - The reader moves into her new apartment and meets her Alpha neighbor, Dean. He seems friendly enough but he’s very adamant that he and the reader are going to be something more.

Mated For Life (Alpha!Dean x Omega!reader) - It’s not a good night when Dean’s father comes over unannounced to try and drag Dean on a hunt. Unfortunately, things go from bad to worse fast.

A New Kind Of Misery (Part 1) (Soulmate!Dean x Actress!reader) - After a night out, the reader wakes up the next day to discover her soulmate mark is now on her body. Except she has no idea who they are.

A New Kind Of Misery (Part 2) (Soulmate!Dean x Actress!reader) - After a night out, the reader wakes up the next day to discover her soulmate mark is now on her body. Except she has no idea who they are.

Somebody I Used To Know (Endverse!Dean x reader) - Months into the end of the world, the reader helps out a mysterious man she’s never seen before. He asks her to meet up with him where she learns she used to know him better than anyone.

One Room Left (Dean x reader) - Dean and the reader find out their motel room only has one bed. This ends up being a very good thing.

Roommates (AU!Dean x reader) - The reader’s roommate, Dean, is looking a little worse for wear after work one night. When he passes out on the couch, she knows something needs to change.

Snowed In (AU!Dean x reader) - The reader is staying over her best friend Dean’s house for the weekend due to a nasty winter storm. During a game of truth or dare, Dean makes an unusual dare that will make serious changes to their friendship.

What You Wish For (Prince!Dean x Princess!reader) - Princess Y/N isn’t pleased to have to attend a boring business dinner with the royal family of the neighboring kingdom. When she complains to her fairy godfather about it, she and a certain young prince get a lesson in being careful what you wish for.

Memories (Dean x reader) - When Dean discovers the reader has abilities she’s never told him about, he breaks things off. But when she wanders back into the Winchester’s lives a year later, he starts to realize there’s more to the situation than just a few lies.

Three’s Company (Dean x reader) (smut) - The reader discovers that the AU Dean that’s been living with them lately may have a thing for her. Dean’s known for a while though and is okay with letting the reader play out a certain desire of hers with the alternate Dean.

Change Of Plans (Dean x reader) - As the reader and Dean begin their romantic weekend away, mother nature decides to visit the reader a week early and throw off all of their plans. Dean however is intent on making sure the reader feels okay and is still enjoying their time together.

15 x 20 (Dean x reader) - This is a semi-rewrite of episode 15x20.

The Boss From Hell (Demon!Dean x reader) (smut) - After Hell rose up under the rule of Boyking Sam and took over the earth, the reader has found herself working for Hell Corp and trying to be as productive an employee as possible to save herself from death. When she gets a call to meet with Sam himself though, he has a new job for her, one involving seducing his demon brother.

Unspoken (Dean x reader) - Dean is cursed with the inability to speak unless a cure can be found. It begins to wear on him in more ways than one.

Pajama Man (Dean x reader) - For their first holiday season away from hunting, Dean decides to get everyone some Christmas themed pajamas and something a little extra to celebrate Hanukkah too.

Good Point (AU!Dean x reader) - The reader isn’t too happy when the number on the scale has gone up during quarantine despite their best efforts to be healthier recently. Dean however has a different viewpoint that helps put things into perspective.

Imagine…Demon Dean Catching You (Demon!Dean x reader)

Imagine…Secretly Dating Dean (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Meeting Your Online Date In Person (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean Debating Asking You Out (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean Noticing When You’re Down (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Meeting The Other Winchesters (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Running Into AU Dean (AU!Dean x AU!reader)

Imagine…A Day On The River (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean Being Cursed To Only Tell The Truth (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Counting Dean’s Freckles (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean On Game Night (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean’s First Sleepover (Daddy!Dean x reader)

Imagine…The Power Going Out (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Getting A Sunburn (Dean x reader)

Imagine…An Accidental Kiss (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Working Out With Dean (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Warming Up With Dean (Dean x reader)

Imagine…A Nighttime Hayride (Dean x reader)

Imagine…After A Bad Hunt (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Touch Football (AU!Dean x reader)

Imagine…Taking A Midnight Swim (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Sam Teasing You About Dean (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Nesting With Dean (Alpha!Dean x omega!reader)

Imagine…Running Into Your Ex (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean & His Babies (Daddy!Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean Replacing Your Jacket With You Knowing (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean Teaching You To Drive Baby (Dean x reader)

Imagine…An Elf On The Shelf Following Dean (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Decorating The Bunker (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Getting A Card From Dean (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean Liking Harry Potter (Dean x reader)

Imagine…Dean Shoveling Snow (Dean x reader)

Not Losing You (Mechanic!Dean x reader) (Completed)

-The reader is pulled over on the side of the road when a man suddenly appears and proceeds to collapse in front of her. Little does she know, that may be a good thing for them both…

Make It Through The Night (Apocalypse!Dean x reader) (Completed)

- One year into the apocalypse, the reader finds herself in some trouble when a mysterious stranger shows up. When she finds out what exactly was the cause of the end of the world, she agrees to help him make things right…

The Shallows (Wildlife Agent!Dean x reader) (Completed)

-A few months after moving to a quiet little lake town on the edge of the state park, the reader has a near death experience and is saved by a man close by. When the police don’t take her seriously, he does and the pair stumble onto something bigger than they imagined…

My Little Secret (Mechanic!Dean x reader) (Completed)

-When a tragic accident happens, Dean takes a drastic measure in order to save the person he cares about most…

Still The One (Mechanic!Dean x reader) (Completed)

-When the reader’s childhood best friend, Dean, shows up at her door one night after a fight with his roommate, she invites him to stay. But things aren’t as simple as they seem…

The Wedding Date (AU!Dean x reader) (Completed)

- When the reader is in desperate need of a date to her sister’s wedding, she calls a service to fulfill the need and ends up meeting Dean Winchester…

A Nightmare In A Dream (Serial Killer!Dean x reader) (Completed)

- Six months after reuniting with the Winchesters and her brother, things are going good for the reader. She and Dean are happily together and occasionally stay with her brother, Matty, and Sam, who has been getting him used to normal life. Life appears to be heading in a good direction when the past has a way of creeping up again and dropping a bombshell on them all…

Strangers (Doctor!Dean x patient!reader) (Completed) - While getting a snack out of the vending machine, the reader bumps into a frustrated doctor who’s having a bad night and helps him get some perspective on things…

Home Bound (Dean x reader) (Dean’s POV) (Completed) - After defeating Chuck, Dean wakes up in the middle of nowhere Colorado four months after dying. He has no idea why he’s alive again or what’s going on. All he knows is his family is gone and he needs to get back home to figure out what brought him back to life and why. It’s easier said than done though in the middle of a brutal ice storm with Dean’s grief threatening to consume him every passing moment. Dean knows if he can just make it home, he’ll be okay again or so he hopes…

Soldier Boy (Superhero!Dean x reader) (Completed) - When the reader is saved by Soldier Boy, she isn’t all that happy with him. She makes an impression on him though which is perfect for her plans. But her simple job of getting Soldier Boy to fall for her for a little revenge isn’t so easy when she starts to see the man behind the mask…

You Ever…

_______

Sam x Reader

Heir To The Throne (Boyking!Sam x reader) (smut) - Sam’s had a hard day at work and needs to unwind.

Let Go (Dom!Sam x sub!reader) (smut) - The reader and Sam are beginning their new relationship but the reader has a few things to learn about being a sub.

Say It (Sam x reader) (smut) - The reader brings her bar hookup home and discovers that permission turns him a whole lot more than she thought it would.

Surprises (Sam x reader) (smut) - The reader has a few birthday surprises for Sam.

Sam’s Self-care Routine (Sam x reader)

Sex In The Impala (Sam x reader)

_______

Jensen x Reader

Breathe (Jensen x reader) (smut) - The reader is having an off day and wants to be left alone. Jensen on the other hand comes up with the perfect plan to make the reader feel wanted.

Twisted (Jensen x reader) - The reader goes to a sleepover at her boyfriend Jensen’s place but the night doesn’t end well when she starts feeling insecure.

Unexpected (Jensen x reader) - The reader and Jensen discover their odds of having children are low and look into adoption. When they end up fostering a teenager though, they realize what they thought they wanted might be right in front of them.

Mardi Gras (Jensen x reader) (smut) - A year after Jensen’s reign as King for Mardi Gras, the reader has a surprise for him. Only he has one for her as well.

Wrong Number (Jensen x reader) - An accidental text message leads to something more between Jensen and the reader.

Mated (Alpha!Jensen x Omega!reader) - The reader discovers that her old school classmate is in fact her true mate and she’s not sure how to feel about that at first.

Best Laid Plans (Jensen x reader) - When Jensen starts acting strange around the reader, she has a talk with Jared to ease her worries. In doing so, she reveals a secret of her own and may just put an end to her friendship with Jensen for good.

Love Notes (Jensen x reader) - After the show has finished filming, Jensen’s returned home and is feeling a little off. The reader decides to make a scavenger hunt to cheer him up with a fun surprise waiting at the end.

More Than Words (Jensen x reader) - The reader and her boyfriend Jensen have been together for years but she feels him slipping away when the physical distance between them starts affecting their relationship. She decides to end things for both their sakes when she feels him stop caring and tries to move on with her life. But an afternoon get together is going to change hers forever and she now has to figure out what that means for both her and Jensen.

Dark Little Places (Jensen x reader) - The reader makes an out of the blue comment about being happy which concerns Jensen that she might not be as happy as she seems to be.

All The Friends With Benefits (Jensen x reader) - The reader and Jensen are attending their friends Halloween party when they start flirting a little too hard for their own good.

I Got You (Part 1) (Jensen x reader) - The reader is celebrating her two year anniversary with her fiance when her best friend from childhood, Jensen, calls. Something’s wrong with him and he tries to play it off once he remembers what night it is for her but the reader isn’t budging and that may be a good thing for the both of them.

I Got You (Part 2) (Jensen x reader) - The reader has a quieter morning with Jensen while trying to convince him that he needs to talk to his family sooner rather than later if he wants to start feeling better.

The One Who Got Away (Jensen x reader) - While out with friends one night, the reader bumps into her old high school best friend, Jensen. They always had a will they, won’t they relationship but the reader finds things with Jensen don’t seem to be going as well she thinks they are.

Honey & Sweetheart (Jensen x reader) - The reader talks to Jensen and a special friend about struggling with parts of the finale.

Christmas Card (Photographer!Jensen x reader) - The reader and her family are getting some Christmas photos done when the reader inadvertently leaves her phone behind. When she goes to retrieve it, she gets to talking to the photographer.

The Glitter Prank (Jensen x reader)

Meeting Jensen Grocery Shopping (Jensen x reader)

Imagine…Jensen’s Self-care Routine (Jensen x reader)

Won’t You Stay (Jensen x Director!reader) (Completed)

- Having grown up with Ethan Y/L/N, one of Hollywood’s biggest and most loved stars, as a father, the reader is following in his footsteps and is directing her first movie. Even better, it’s the story she wrote and published years earlier, The Dark Woods, and her dad is set to play one of the leads. On the surface, her life seems perfect, even while she keeps the truth hidden. When the other lead actor drops out the first day of filming, they’re forced to find a replacement and fast. Jensen Ackles is an up and comer and seemingly knows the character inside and out. But he has a past too and the last thing either one of them wants is to get involved. But if they can get over their fears of being hurt again, they may find that they’re exactly what the other needs…

________

Jared x Reader

Saxx (Jared x reader) (smut) - The reader is determined to have Jared bottom for her tonight but first, she wants a special strip show from him.

A Texas Dream (Jared x reader) (smut) - After a shopping trip, Jared finds out the reader purchased a pair of her first authentic cowboy boots while the reader discovers that Jared really has a thing for them, even if he doesn’t want to admit it at first.

Reflect (Jared x reader) - Jared notices the reader shying away from him and suspects something serious with the way she views herself is going on.

Jared’s Self-Care Routine (Jared x reader)

_________

No Pairing

Seeing Double (Part 2) (Alpha!Dean x Jensen) (platonic) - After the Winchesters show up at Jensen’s apartment, they discover getting the boys home may not be possible.

Beg For It (Lucifer x Michael) (smut) - Michael wants it again and Lucifer knows that. Tonight though, he wants to hear his brother beg.

Baby Brothers (Dean x sister!reader) - Dean shows up at the reader’s doorstep injured and looking for help. Little does he know, the reader is going to do more than fix up a few cuts for him.

________

Poly Pairing

Jared x Reader x Jensen

Silver Lining - After poor weather cancels their flight into Vancouver, the group rents a car in hopes of driving into town before filming is set to start. Unfortunately for them, their bad luck follows them and their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

Jenneel x reader (Jensen x Reader x Danneel)

Photos - The reader and Danneel have a small fight over a present for Jensen that leads to his intervening and a small confession.

Sam x reader x Dean

Imagine…Telling The Boys You’re Pregnant (Sam x reader x Dean)

_________

Benny x Reader

Dangerous (Benny x reader) (smut) - The reader gets injured on a hunt and gets in idea have some fun with her favorite vampire.

_______

#monthly fics #2020 fics #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #reader insert #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction

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firemanwhenthefloodsrollback · 3 years ago

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Who Saved The Day? Season 3

Evening all. I'm back with the third instalment of my series Who Saved The Day? looking at who, numerically, saved the day the most times in buffy the vampire slayer. At the end of season two we left the totals at:

Buffy: 23

Angel: 3

Giles: 3

Chris: 1

Kendra: 1

Sid: 1

Willow: 1

Xander: 1

as we go deeper through the seasons we'll be getting deeper, darker and more morally complex, becoming more and more of an ensemble show and introducing more characters so without further ado, let's see where we end up in season three.

1. Anne: Lily

Buffy literally brings hope and the idea of rebellion to Hell in this episode and teaches Lily that it's possible to keep living - she clearly does lots. But Lily gathers the strength to push Ken onto the concrete mid-speech and literally deprive the hell dimension of its demon. Four for you lily, you go lily.

2. Dead Man's Party: Buffy

Clearly, definitely Buffy. In the midst of being treated like crap, frankly, by the people who are meant to love her, Buffy still finds the time to put a shovel in the eyes of a mask demon.

3. Faith, Hope & Trick: Faith

Faith gets the point in her very first episode - I'd expect nothing less from you babe. Yes Buffy did a lot, and Faith is certainly emotionally all over the place, but she puts a large piece of architecture through Kakistos' chest.

4. Beauty And The Beasts: Angel

I'm far from an Angel stan but arriving looking more monster than man, saving the day when no one believed he still had it in him to even recognise buffy, then falling to his knees and calling her by her name is a hell of an ending.

5. Homecoming: Cordelia

Am I biased by wanting Cordelia to have this point? Yes, yes I am. But her speech to Lyle about why she's so threatening he needs to escape when Buffy is knocked out absolutely does save them and she deserves a hell of a lot for that.

6. Band Candy: Buffy

Buffy certainly burns that demon. This isn't an episode that makes me think of danger or fighting though, this is an episode that makes me think of Snyder partying at the bronze and Giles and Joyce having sex on the hood of a police car. So really they won. But technically Buffy incinerated someone.

7. Revelations: Buffy

Buffy and Faith work so well as a team here but only one person can have the point, and Buffy does a good job cutting off that arm. (Fun fact: this is the second episode where Buffy edges the point by stealing an arm!)

8. Lovers Walk: Oz

Oz? This isn't an episode in which the day got saved really, both because the villain was a drunk man feeling his feelings and because it didn't end great. But Oz finding Willow and Xander using his wolf senses probably counts?

9. The Wish: Giles

"Because it has to be." One of Giles' absolute finest moments, gives me such incredible chills.

10. Amends: Buffy

Really it's the deus ex machina of the snow and the powers that be that gets us out of this one, but every episode someone has to get the point, and Buffy's speech gets it.

11. Gingerbread: Buffy

Cordelia gets a lot of points here, but Buffy actually stabs the demon with a wooden stake that she is literally tied to so I couldn't deny Buffy.

12. Helpless: Buffy

Buffy has an awful lot of wins here - it is her show after all - but this is one of my all time favourites and a flawless reminder of why she's one of the all time great heroines. Outsmarting the vampire in her dungarees while terrified with no powers at all is why she is the love of my life.

13. The Zeppo: Xander

"I like the quiet." I know we all have a lot of feelings about Xander in the twenty first century - I do too - but there is no arguing with his speech at the end of the Zeppo.

14. Bad Girls: Buffy

Well she does electrocute that vampire. I think this is Buffy's second electrocution point of the show? It's not an episode that we come away from feeling like we won much though really is it

15. Consequences: Faith

It is firmly Faith that deserves the point by staking Mr Trick. of course, she does go on to make a lot of things much worse in like the next scene when she teams up with the mayor but that's not the point here in this episodes

16. Doppelgangland: Anya

I guess? She very much did cause this issue. But then she solved this issue. So sorta.

17. Enemies: Angel

A lot of people made a very good case for getting the point here. Giles makes the whole plan able to happen, Buffy and Angel actually do the plan, and Buffy fights Faith at the end. But I'm gonna say that as the entire plan hinged on Angel and he did the bulk of the acting job, and the whole thing hinged around him being the main plan guy, it's his point.

18. Earshot: Buffy

Xander discovers the lunch lady's evil plan, but then Buffy whacks her on the head, so it's Buffy's point.

19. Choices: Willow

This was a very ensemble episode and of all the episodes I've done so far, this very much made me feel like insisting on choosing one character per episode doesn't always work. But I had to pick one, and Willow escaped the room she was being held in to rip pages from the books of ascension. The evil beetles were kinda a team effort so I don't know who got the point for dealing with them?

20. The Prom: Buffy

Buffy dealt with the hellhounds and also with issues relating to the end of your first teenage relationship. A double win.

21. Graduation Day 1: Buffy

First parts of two parters are hard guys. Buffy stabs Faith so - I guess? It doesn't help much and it certainly doesn't save the day. But I committed to picking so ???

22. Graduation Day 2: Buffy

A much more straightforward equation. Explode the snake.

So in season 3 we had a much lower proportion of Buffy wins compared to the first few seasons but still, obviously, a lot - I think reflecting the show becoming more of an ensemble cast and letting supporting characters shine more. We also had our second arm-theft victory for Buffy, which is not a connection I would ever have made if I hadn't started writing this series of posts. Who knew. If you think I've got anything wrong please do let me know!

At the end of Season 3 our leaderboard is:

Buffy: 32

Angel: 5

Giles: 4

Faith: 2

Willow: 2

Xander: 2

Anya: 1

Chris: 1

Cordelia: 1

Kendra: 1

Lily: 1

Oz: 1

Sid: 1

If you'd like to read the rest of the series you can find them here!

Intro post, Season 1, Season 2, Season 4, Season 5, Season 6, Season 7

#who saved the day series #buffy #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy meta #season three

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theglowstickchronicles · 4 years ago

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Alright y’all, it’s VACCINATION DAYYYYYYYY!!! In just 4 hours I will be in line so that one of my coworkers can stab me. And I am SO excited.

Am I worried about having side effects? I mean... not really. I am having a needle with liquid shoved and injected into my arm. I expect a sore arm, which is unfortunate because we are supposed to be getting over a foot of snow which means shoveling. A part of me is hoping I get a temp of 100.4 so that I don’t have to drive through that foot of snow to work tomorrow. I’ve gotten mild body aches and headaches from every flu shot I’ve ever had, so that wouldn’t be totally unexpected of this vaccine either I guess. But if we are being honest, I am anticipating feeling totally fine and having to get up at 3:30 am to dig my car out tomorrow morning.

Am I worried about what is in the vaccine? Not really. I have no idea what’s in the vaccine. I have no idea what’s in any vaccine I have ever taken. I have no idea what was in the cheese I used on my cheese fries from Shake Shack yesterday. I have smoked weed, cigarettes, and hookah, drank an entire tower of coors lite by myself (which I prefer to not remember), and have drank more than one of the original four loko. There is a warning right on the redbull can not to mix with alcohol and yet I was obsessed with jaegerbombs for like two years. Hell, I use gummy vitamins, what the hell are those things made out of?

Okay I lied when I said I have no idea what’s in the vaccine. I just wanted to seem cooler. Here is an excellent link from CHOP: https://www.chop.edu/centers-programs/vaccine-education-center/making-vaccines/prevent-covid that details exactly what is in the vaccine. There is nothing concerning.

Am I worried because this is a new vaccine? No. Many people much smarter than I am have dedicated the last year to this project. I think it’s hard because 2020 has had a confusing timeline. I realized last night that if I were to get covid TODAY, I would be quarantining until 2021! And with people working from home or having altered work/school/ home life schedules, I think it’s hard to remember that there has been a vaccine in the works for a year now. That’s less time than most flu vaccines. And I also think people need to remember that the only thing new to this vaccine is the combination. We have had vaccines for decades. We have had mRNA research going on. We have had studies into coronaviruses for years. Funny how when the new gaming systems come out we rush to the stores at midnight to wait in line to buy them, there’s no “I’ll wait and see what bugs this system has”. We should be treating this vaccine the same way and RUSHING to grab it (except for those with medical exemptions).

There’s a rumor that this vaccine will cause inferility. That was determined to be false.

There’s the obvious rumors that the vaccine includes a microchip. First off, I have an iPhone, laptop, iPod, google home that listens to me, multiple bluetooth speakers, and a chomebook that can all be tracked. Second of all, I purposefully tag myself on social media whenever I go somewhere fun. Lastly, except for being appalled by how many times I order takeout, what the fuck do I care if the government knows where I am? Maybe they’ll see how much I’m actually at work and give me a raise....

There is the whole “we don’t know the long-term side effects” spiel. I mean technically that’s true, but looking at the ingredient list, what is there to even cause side effects? Furthermore, we know about many of the side effects from actually getting covid and they are bad. We also know about the side effects of drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and eating cheese fries and yet.....

For anyone saying “I’m going to wait and see how it goes first”, it’s already been a year of research. It’s been 6 months of waiting and seeing how the phase 3 participants have reacted. How much longer do you “wait and see”? Another 6 months, so we can’t even begin to work on herd immunity till June, which means another summer alone, drunk on White Claws in my backyard blow up pool, singing to a Taylor Swift triplet album? I mean... probably will do that anyway but I also want to go to breweries and switch it up on weekends. Wait another YEAR, so we spend another holiday season in isolation while another half a million people die? No thanks.

Alright. Time for a delicious breakfast so I can start my V-Day off right!!!

#thevaccinationchronicles #personal #getting the covid vaccine today #woooooo #pandemic 2020 #hopeful light at the end of the tunnel

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obscureoperations · 4 years ago

Note

Martin likes snow? What would you do if you were in that white landscape? Cute moment? Bad memories?

Martin absolutely loves snow, but never really had time to enjoy it beyond its aesthetically pleasing value. He was always forced to stay inside, tending to the house or uncle Palonis. When he moved to Braddock, it was no different. His first winter was spent mostly working. Any time he got to actually spend time in the snow there was a shovel in his hand. He was forced to shovel the entire walkway including Mrs. Parks (because she is an elder and can’t do it herself) By the time he would get back inside his hands were nearly frozen, back stiff as a board. He awoke the next day feeling like hell warmed over. He started to wonder if snow was really that great. But then he met you.

It was Late spring early summer when you first came to Braddock. It took only about a month for the two of you to grow close. You spent nearly every waking moment together that was allowed, and a few that weren’t. He had no problem sneaking out to see you. You felt the same. You just always wanted to be near him. Walks during the late summer afternoons, spending time together in the field. Window shopping, lazy afternoons at your place. He felt like it was all some sort of dream. The second it started to get colder, for some reason started to feel a bit down. He didn’t always feel that way about the change if seasons-- it was just something about that year. Maybe it had something to do with you. In the back of his mind he was always waiting for your feelings to change. For you to snap out of in and decide you want nothing to do with you. If you did, he wouldn’t blame you. You don’t deserve y/n... they’re gonna figure it out. He took the sudden change of weather far more personal this year, despite knowing that it was silly. Anxious whenever he would pick up the phone, in fear of what you might say. Your warm voice on the other line calmed him instantly, before he knew it hours had passed, and his cheeks were sore from smiling.

When it snowed for the first time it was late at night, he was already in bed asleep. When he finally awoke, it was to the sound of the pnone ringing, he kept it buried beneath his pillow.

“H-hello?” He whispers hoarsly, barely able to open his eyes.

“Martin, quick, go look outside!” Came your excite voice over the phone. Despite feeling lucky to hear from you so early, his ears were sensitive , he held the receiver away from his face. “What do you mean?”

“Just trust me... go to the window and look outside!”

With a sigh, he hoists himself up out of bed, nearly stumbling on his way to the window. When he pulls back the curtains, he has to suint to focus, all he would see were blankets of white. All the roofs were covered, the parked cars and fire hydrants. All he could think of was the sound of Cuda’s voice ordering him to get the shovel.

“When he finally picked up the phone.” Wow.. that’s alot.” was all that he could muster up, you were already talking a mile a minute.

“As soon as it all settles, you have to come over! My yard is huge... you’ve seen it, its like a wonderland even right now!”

“So you want me to help you shovel or?”

“Noo! god, you’re such a goof, we’re gonna hang out? haven’t you ever just messed around in the snow for a laugh?”

The silence on the other end was your answer.

“Well it’s settled... when ever you’re free, just give me a call.” With that you hung up.

Brief head cannons for your first snow day:

hats scarves and all that good stuff... Martin didn’t have many clothes, especially clothes that were suited for winter. His normal tan jacket, a few thick sweaters, a pair of gloves and a beanie. That was it. When he arrived to your place that afternoon, you had to quickly usher him inside, Cupping his cheeks, bringing his hands to your lips to warm them. You insisted that “You guys were going to do this right” and to do that, he had to be dressed properly. When he steps out into the yard, he was dressed in one of your bomber jackets, a thick wool hat, and a pair of insulated gloves

Snow angels and snowball fights, he couldn’t tell which he preferred. He enjoyed the serenity of staring up into the clear blue sky, not a cloud insight. The snow beneath him, soft as a pillow, the coldness barely permeated through the thick down jacket. But the snowball fights, that was something else, pure adrenaline, he didn’t know you could move that fast. Ducking and weaving around his every attempt. Bating him to “come and get me then!!” It was on. He chased you around the yard for what felt like the shortest eternity of his life. Only catching up when he managed to trip you over his knee. Taking a snowball and gently crushing it on top of your head, all the while you laughed hysterically, begging him to stop. “Say it!!” he yells in mock exasperation.He had your wrists pinned to the ground. “No!” “I’m not letting go till you say it!” “Screw you pal... get off!” you laugh. He fixes you with his most serious expression. “Finneee! alright, come here.” Three little words whispered right against his lips, before you lean in and kiss him sweetly.

“I’m really cold...” He says after a few moments of staring up into the sky. The two of you had been out there for nearly two hours. You had to admit you were growing a bit tired. The sweat had dried beneath your clothes, heartbeat still coming down from the epic chase around the entire yard. “Yeah, me too... lets go in, I can make lunch.”

Hot cocoa and popcorn, thats a well balanced meal wouldn’t you say? Well that was what he wanted when you asked him what he had in mind, and you had no intention of denying him. That and you still had some rice crispy treats that you made in the back of the fridge. He looked like a kid in a candy store. The two of you ended up curled up on the couch , mugs in hand, as you flip through the tv guide. The shared blanket started to seem increasingly small, so it only made sense for him to shift closer. You both ended up falling asleep for over an hour, with him resting on top of you,legs entwined, his head resting against your chest.

#Martin 1977 #Martin 1978 #snow day... more like snow yay!#yea that was lame #this is a cute concept ngl #I have the thought in my head that he gets cold like really easily #especially his nose and hands #🥺☺️

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fallen029 · 4 years ago

Text

Festive

Laxus boots crunched under the snow and he regarded the same as he did every year, a slight snarl on his lips as he spied not only the accumulation, but the godawful snowmen that people liked to roll up in their front lawns. It was all he'd been welcomed to, the second he stepped off the train at the city station, as well as annoying kids pelting one another with snowballs or adults skidding around as they tried to navigate the hellscape that was wintertime in Magnolia.

"You're a downer," Mirajane told him more than once when this yearly attitude of his whipped up, a sentiment that was echoed bravely by her siblings now, knowing that now counted among his siblings as well (at least by marriage), they were above reproach. "And one day you're going to regret that."

"What you gonna do?" he'd retort back, not only in those instances, but when the woman complained about his attitude in similar situations. While there were many things she loved her dragon for, his inability to not easily play into a situation was not one of them. "Curse me, demon?"

"Maybe," she toy back and if he wasn't really feeling so lowly, just annoyed or purposely up playing his attitude, he might give her a grin back for that one, but during the winter?

Under these situations?

No fucking way.

"You're a realist," Freed offered him more than once. And he said it in such an admiring way. With a sharp nod and such honest insistence that it was hard to combat him. "You have difficulty placating the easily amused. Your interests are not swayed by the fanciful and bright. It is not a blight; rather a mark of a true, serious mage. If you are not that, then what are you?"

A sourpuss. Crank. Hardass.

"A jerk," Lisanna offered him, in a way only she could, as though he hated it so much, maybe she was his younger sister now, poking at his cheek one night when she was drunk and so was he. She pressed her finger deeply into his cheek, leaning over the table they were at to do so, much to the wide eyes of the nearby (and sober) Lucy and excitement of Natsu. But Lisanna held none of the fear or exhilaration of her friends, rather sneering in the guildhall she'd grown up, at the man who knew it still much better than she, "You're a jerk, Laxus Dreyar."

This was hardly a revelation.

He'd been one his entire life.

Save the few short years in the beginning there, perhaps the crux of why he, in the end, did become a flat out jerk, Laxus had pretty always encompassed that stigma. His family name bared heavy weight and he shoulder it best he could, but that meant sacrificing a huge part of himself in the process. He liked to think of himself as a mostly changed man now, but his stick in the mud, aversion to (others) nonsense had followed him into his later years and now, a fully grown married man, he found it too hard to shake.

It was his shtick, maybe, his placement in his family and friend groups, and it hardly bothered him most of the time. A sense of pride. Like Freed had insisted to him. He was a serious man and there was something to be said for that. The rune mage himself could be classified as one at times.

And yet, Freed also knew when to turn it off.

He could don a silly costume for the Fantasia Parade. Drink coco and reminisce towards the end of the year, trade gifts on sentimental holidays. Turn it on. When he needed to. In a way that Laxus had never learned to.

They all could. All of them. In the hall. Even the gruffest among them, with the most tragic and horrific of backstories, could squash their traumas and beefs for their friends and guild in the rare times of true kinship. Celebrations of the important things in life, holy events observed by even outsiders to their intended recipients, they could all get a teary eye out of the most seasoned wizard.

Laxus though, he always found these emotions too far out of his grasp. He'd done well to wiggle away from his natural aggravation toward these events, hoping for anything more from the man was shitting away desires. He never had those hopes for himself and, for the most part, others didn't have them for him either.

The demon though…

She was always and optimist.

Or at least she was now.

She'd gone through her own trials and tribulations, only to come out not a buried person, but rather a different one. And Laxus respected that. Fuck, he loved that. He loved her. But sometimes...he just couldn't indulge her in the way she wanted.

And that was fine. Maybe. Other than throwing around threats of curses or humorous jabs, Mira mostly left him alone in his misery. It was what Makarov instructed her to do, that first Winter Festival that she was dating his grandson and had come to him, dismayed over his lack of interest in the festivities.

"Master told me all about it, Laxus," she'd come to him, all weepy and shit, launching herself at him the second he opened his apartment door to her urgent knocking. Sniffling as she nuzzled her head into his chest and the man just tried to figure out what the hell was going on, Mira said, "About your father and mother and how they treated you, you know, during that terrible winter when they were getting a divorce and I just-"

"Mira," he complained, patting awkwardly at her head. "Why the hell were you talking about that with Gramps?"

"Because you're miserable, Laxus." Blinking back her tears, she stared up at him then with her bright blue eyes uncharacteristically clouded with concern. "I always thought you were just distant around this time because you didn't have someone in your life to force you to be better. And then I thought I was failing or something, at making you happy. But now I know that you're just sad and hurt and-"

"My parents were fucking shit all the time, Mira."

"L-Laxus." She frowned then, pulling away from him some. "Don't be vulgar."

"They're my parents," he pointed out. Shrugging some as he only moved to pull the woman further into the apartment, he questioned, "What'd the old man tell you, huh? 'bout the time my mom locked me outta the house? In the snow? And Gramps was outta town and I sat outside the locked house cryin', all fuckin' nigh, in the snow? Or no, I bet he told you 'bout the time that my father decided to fuck with me, because I was a shitty little kid, and used his magic to trick me into thinking the snowman I built came to life? Attacked me? That was fucked up. Or how about the Winter Festival where they-"

"Laxus-"

"Let's talk about the Fantasia Parade. All the times they promised to be in it, to be there, even, just fucking be there, for the Harvest Festival, but never showing up. Never being around. Or oh, you wanna get into birthdays, demon?"

"I-I mean if you need to-"

"I don't." And he told her this flatly, frowning as he spoke. "And you don't need to go and talk to Makarov about it. About me. To find out why I'm the way I am. I just fucking am. Just like you just fucking are the way you are. And I don't ever want to have this fucking conversation again, alright?"

Mira nodded then, in agreement, but he didn't rightly mean it as much as he thought he did, after only a few months of dating. As the years waged on and the relationship deepened, it was his grandfather telling all of his darkest secrets, but rather the man mentioning them, either in passing or bearing his soul, openly, whenever they lounged together.

It was a lot.

Sometimes.

The things that made his shoulders tense all these years or his jaw clench so heavily, sometimes, when he got to thinking too much, got too quiet, and she knew how to get it out of him. Or she learned. Eventually.

She was able to drag most things from her dragon, the demon was, and yet…

He just wasn't someone who had the spirit. For the season. For any season. Time was elusive to the traveling mage and he was around more now, a married man, settled down all he could, but that didn't mean that he'd adjusted fully. Given up fully.

But...if it meant so much to her, he'd be around. For the important things. Maybe not enjoying them, but he'd be there. He came to the parades and the festivals when he could, always around for the demon's birthday and his own, if only because she seemed to enjoy it so much more, when it was about him. He spent time with her family and brought them into the fold with his own, Gramps and the Thunder Legion.

Holidays had meaning again. In a weird way.

Just not enough for him to get over his...hangups.

So no.

Laxus wasn't in a jolly mood, as he walked through the city that afternoon, observing in passing the sights and sounds of the approaching Winter Festival, thoughts of his own drifting to the presents he'd have to get and even dreading, perhaps more, the ones he'd receive in return. The long parade and the huge jobs he'd be passing over, just to stay at home.

All while dealing with the frigid temperatures, threat of blizzards, and, every fucking year, snowmen.

Fucking snowmen.

The years had been kind to the S-Class wizard and it wasn't a tiny apartment anymore, that he had eventually asked the demon to move into him with, but rather a rather nice home they owned together, he liked to think, with a big tree in the yard for climbing and a nice front porch for a dog to lounge.

A home of an S-Class wizard.

"Papa!"

But also a family.

Laxus smiled some, as he came up the shoveled walk of his home, being greeted by a loud call of his name as well as someone rushing right over to toss their arms around his waist and he was still getting used to it. The feeling. His daughter was only three and was growing every single day. While the warmth of her hug was something he was accustomed to, it was still refreshing, every time he was away for a week or more, to see how her speech had grown or notice she'd grown a bit a more.

And she had a lot to tell him that day, as Laxus ruffled her white locks, the little girl abandoning the piles of snow she'd been pushing together, as she tugged at his hand to finish tugging him up to the house.

Mirajane was with her, of course, as well as Lisanna, both giggling at the girl's action, but following all the same, the old dog up on the porch, who did find that he loved to lounge there, stretching before rushing to get in just as the door to the house closed.

Everyone told Laxus that he took to being a father better than they thought he would.

This was something that was mostly said in pretend awe, but he could tell it was actually absolute mystification. People that he'd known in his former life, the one before he settled, had never pictured him as more, he imagined, than his stupid deadbeat father and hey, he'd fucking give it to them.

There was still time.

He'd always taken it for fucking granted. How easy it must be. To fucking leave your kid behind. Just walk out the door. Forget about them. Put them away. Like he did all his memories or the people that used to work in the bar, used to be a part of the guild, when he was a kid. His fucking parents both walked out at him, at different points, his mother before he knew what it him, when he was still cute and lovable, his father when he had a chance to know him, really know him, and hate him.

Laxus couldn't imagine either now though.

He thought, sometimes, when he was drunk and reflective, that his father had it easiest. He knew his son was a shithead and took off. Okay. But other times, when he was sad and remorseful, he thought about how his mother must've had it the easiest, right? She must've. Because she could still keep him there, he figured she still kept him there, wherever she was all these decades later, imaging him as whatever she needed, whenever she needed, and he was still a kid probably, in her mind. A little boy waiting for her. Sitting up for her. Thinking of her often.

He didn't imagine either of them slept well, when they thought of him, but then, he didn't imagine either did often enough for it to give them any real problems.

But it was so fucking weird.

So fucking weird.

The first time he looked down at his daughter, all covered in gunk from birth, a disgusting, distorted version of a little human, an aliens, really, that was breathing and crying and...his.

None of it made sense any more.

And it made even less as time went on.

He'd been able to rationalize his childhood, all of it, as just something that happened. His life in the guildhall was filled with kids who had parents that just didn't given enough of a fuck about them. It was a tale as old as time. He'd normalized this type of thing so easily due to his upbringing and yet…

Yet…

It killed him to go away on jobs, knowing he was coming back, that he was certainly, without a doubt coming back. And one day, he imagined, when she was strong enough to keep up on her own, when she had her own magic, he wouldn't be without her.

She'd be out there with him.

On jobs.

Probably.

He liked to think anyways.

"I think someone missed you," Mira giggled to him as they all ditched their snowy coats and boots by the door, Lisanna bending down to help her niece out of her own. "Dragon."

"Yeah, well," he grumbled a bit as he looked over his wife, taking in how she'd changed too, even just in that a few days, her form had changed, just a bit, as she edged deeper into her second pregnancy. "Maybe I missed someone too."

He was down for the month, at least, as they cycled through the ceremonial events of the Winter Festival and it's accompanying celebrations. Laxus was welcomed to all that coco drinking and reminiscing, but now with his daughter as they traded her usual bedtime stories in for winter themed ones, him even donning the matching set of pajama pants that his demon had purchased, to go along with hers and the girl's.

Family time was all he had time for, it seemed, as the Thunder Legion was around most days, alternating ones they weren't with Mira's siblings, and Laxus bared it all with ease.

He'd had a few years now of learning to do so.

The morning of the Winter Festival, Mira had to get down to the bar to prep for things there and Laxus made a big breakfast for his daughter, back at home, as she dreamed so heavily then, so close then, of the gifts her aunts and uncles would be presenting her with, for being so good all year long. He played along, even playing coy as to what he and her mother had gotten her.

"What do you think you got?" she asked him over their food, staring at him with the same deep, blue eyes of her mother. "Papa?"

"Mmm," he hummed, "I dunno."

She giggled at that, as she had the past few days, when she asked the same thing, and he imagined she'd gotten him something nice. Err, well, that her mother had and she knew about it. That was how it had been, after all, the other two years. Mira was such a sap, when she'd get him something, she'd put the baby's name as well and last year, even, she'd drawn a little picture on his card.

It was cute.

He was a father now, he could admit when things should be classified in such a way.

Mira was busy all festival. She was for all of them. They saw her at the parade, at least, and their daughter clung in her arms until it started before being sat on her father's shoulder, and it snowed that night.

Something that his wife thought made it special, as it hadn't on that specific night in years, and Laxus was glad to leave everyone else behind at the bar that night, him carrying the gifts his daughter had scored, while she stayed snuggled up in her mother's arms, nearly asleep by the time they arrived home.

"I'd almost just wanna put her to bed," Mira remarked softly as their faithful mutt didn't even rise to greet them, as they entered their home, "but still need to give her-"

"Wanna give Papa his present," came a soft, muffled protest from Mira's shoulder where the girl's head was still pressed, but her eyes were open now, bleary and tired. "Mama."

"Well-"

"Here, let's do it then, huh?" Laxus dropped her other little trinkets and toys by the couch before going to snag his daughter from Mira's arm. Helping her out of her coat, he said, "Let's all trade our gifts. You won't believe what I got ya, demon."

Considering with her strong snooping skills, this was probably false, he knew, as she had a tendency to spoil such things for herself long before the suspenseful date. As she feigned surprise at the earrings that her husband and daughter had gifted her (because fine, Laxus was a sap too and signed her name as well), his wasn't so put on as he found himself presented with not one, but two gifts.

Mira had gotten him some nice, new boots she'd seen him eye for a long time, but would never justify buying, but while he was thankful for them, it wasn't what would capture his full attention that night.

"You bought this for me?" he asked his daughter from his chair as, when she presented him with a wrapped gift, it was with bright eyes and a snuggle, when he pulled her into his lap. "Huh?"

Shaking her sleepy head, she only yawned some as she informed her father, "Made it."

"You?" He nuzzled his head into hers as she yawned, heavily, and nodded.

"Me," she assured him. "Papa."

"How did I know," Mira was musing over at the mirror in the hall, where she was looking over where her earrings now were placed, in her lobes, "to wear this exact dress? To match these? Must have been meant to be."

"Yeah, must've," Laxus retorted with a roll of his eyes, but he was busy then, ripping at the haphazard wrapping job his daughter had done, still uncertain as to what he was expecting to find.

It was strange.

Laxus didn't particularly like gifts. Even things he needed or wanted. There was something false about it, to him, a disconnect. Saving up something for someone for some specific date that only had as much meaning as you could manage to give it. And, as mentioned previously, he struggled to scrounge much up at all. He went along because other people did and that was good and well, but…

"Wow," he whispered as he was presented with children's construction paper, stapled together neatly (no doubt by her mother) to form a little book with a title of 'Me and Papa' written, also, in her mother's handwriting, and this would be true of the other few sentences he'd find inside. But the pictures were the main draw. "You drew all of these?"

"Yep!" And she was forcing some excitement then, fighting back a yawn as he flipped very slowly through the pages. "Me!"

It wasn't like it was a story or anything. Just pictures that she'd drawn, hard to decipher to an untrained eye, but Laxus was becoming well-versed in the world of toddler art. And...Mira's sentences helped a bit. They described the scene, in most cases.

They were drawings of things they'd done. Him and his daughter. Together. Going to get ice cream. Going to the store. Playing with the dog. Reading books. Drinking coco. Nothing special. He'd gotten drawings from her before, frequently, her scribbling going to something (only slightly) more substantial recently, and while he treasured them in one sense, he knew that it really didn't mean much.

But this…

It wasn't about the little book, which Laxus would now carry with him, when he traveled out on jobs, placing it in the waterproof pocket of his pack, to look over when he was far from home and missing his baby. It was about something much greater. Something he thought he was void of. Hadn't experienced in a long time.

She'd been young.

The first winter. Oblivious. And the last, though she was old enough to at least some what enjoy it, there was still a bit distance in this.

Now was different. Not really one that she'd remember, necessarily, but certainly part of the beginning of her memories. A piece of understanding. A start.

For the entire day, Laxus had had this...bubbling in his stomach, like when he was a little kid, seeing it all again. The parade and the games. The party at the hall. And now, at home, trading gifts, her actively doing so with him…

He laughed, shoulder dropping as he openly smiled down at his grinning daughter. She leaned up to kiss him and his smiled brighter, if it was possible, his clear joy causing Mira to come over finally. It wasn't lost on the slayer either, as she leaned over his chair, that by this time next year, he'd be able to start the process all over again, only with more knowledge this time.

"It's cute," Mira agreed, thinking his interest was mainly in the gift itself and while Laxus could agree, it was something much more that was causing him to nod his head as he beamed down at his daughter.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It is."

#Miraxus #Mirajane Strauss #Mira #Mirajane #Laxus #Laxus Dreyar #Fairy Tail #Fanfiction

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