#hell i felt like even i was pushed aside a lot in the series overall but even then i got 10 times what they did

[snippychicke]

For the Sake of a Smile (V.2)Chapter Twelve

Title: For the Sake of a Smile (Revised)

Overall Rating: Mature (18+)

Chapter Rating: M for Mature. We've begun the 18+ content

Trigger warnings: Nothing beyond the child abuse hinted in the series, though we do explore the consequences a bit more.

Additional TW for depression/anxiety etc in this chapter. NO mentions of self-harm or suicide.

Main Pairing: Balam Shichiro/Reader

Summary: Hell on earth was your motto for your job. Granted, you were pretty sure earth really was hell, considering the shit you had seen in your life. And the fact your coworker was a child. 

A child named Suzuki Iruma, in fact. A kid who’s life was decidedly worse than yours, but yet he smiled despite everything. It wasn’t long after meeting him that you decided you’d do a lot for his smile. Including summoning a literal demon and signing your soul away.

But as it turns out, hell (The Netherworld, actually) was a lot better than living on earth. Demons were more humane than a lot of humans you knew.

And Iruma’s smile wasn’t the only one that would change your life.

Masterlist | Ao3| Mairimashitai! Simps Discord

You woke in a cold sweat, your mind sharply reminding you of the night before. 

You….you had kissed Balam. Called him Shichiro. 

You scrambled to sit on the edge of the bed, feeling panic trying to overwhelm you. Devi, what had you been thinking?! 

Obviously, you hadn't. You really hadn't been thinking. Caught up in everything, inhibitions lowered just enough. 

You grab your phone. You have to fix this. You have to apologize before it ruins everything. 

--+--

Balam woke to his phone going off several times in a row, ruining the dream he had been enjoying. He groaned as he reached over the edge of his nest and grabbed his phone, seeing your name on the screen initially, causing his stomach to warm as memories of last night replayed in his mind.

Your soft touch as you cupped his cheek, that warm look in your eyes. And when you pressed a kiss to his cheek; just teasing the skin above his mask - but it had been more than enough to excite him. 

Holding himself back had been nigh impossible. He had wanted nothing more than to rip his mask in and capture your lips in a real kiss. 

Except he also knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself there. Your smell had been too tempting, add in being able to taste you…

He pushed those thoughts aside and opened your messages, excited to see what you had to say so urgently this morning.

Only for his happiness to turn into a rock and settle painfully in his stomach.

//I am so sorry about my behavior last night!//

//that was completely unacceptable on my behalf and I apologize so much.//

//I really, really hope this doesn't change anything between us.//

//your friendship means so much to me and I don't want to ruin this.//

//please, can we just pretend I didn't do that?//

Ah.

He dropped the phone as it creaked ominously in his hand, allowing his fingers to curl into a fist and tremble at his side. 

Of course. Why… Why would you want him as a mate? His was too dangerous for a weak human such as yourself. How could you trust him not to hurt you? Not to speak of the physical differences between you and him, or his disfigurement. 

'But, she was interested. Pheromones don't lie,' His inner voice tried to argue, frustration tingeing the thoughts. 

Humans could be different. Are different. You had even admitted you had been unaware that you even had pheromones. Just because some part of you was attracted to him didn't mean you as a whole wanted him as a mate. 

But devi, he had wanted you. His heart felt like it was shattering in grief and rage that he was barely able to contain. He had been hopeful, so excited and happy.

Light in the room starts to dim as the vines feed off his mana, encasing the room in a protective shell. Balam was barely aware as he tried to control his anger.

Not at you - never towards you - but at fate; at whatever deity had allowed such a wonderful human into his life and allowed him to fall so hard for you, knowing that it would not work. 

The sharp talons of his fingers sliced through the fabric of his gloves, the scales on his limbs growing larger. Once, just once, he wishes fate wouldn't be so cruel to him. 

To put what he wanted most into one person; a human who didn't mind his touch, who shared the same passion of learning, who happily shared their knowledge of the Earthly realm. You who cared for the students, your adopted son, so fiercely as if you were truly their mother.

And your beauty. Your soft skin so delicate compared to his own. Dull nails and rounded ears so cute and unique. Your smile, your laugh. Everything about you - perfect.

and not his. 

His own growl snapped him out of his thoughts. He took a breath, surveying the room encased in tight vines. Feathers and scales erupting along his limbs as his body edged an Evil Cycle, his already unusually large fangs bared in a snarl. 

No. He couldn't. To allow himself to lose control would spell disaster until Opera or Kalego could knock sense into him. He screwed his eyes shut as he focused on his breathing, doing the unnatural and allowing his anger and frustration to go. 

It wasn't as if you hated him. You wanted to continue to be his 'friend'. You and Iruma both. He had a duty to protect both of you. His own personal precious treasures. 

You and your human heart, worried about offending him with your actions and apologizing. If you saw him now….

You wouldn't be scared. You would apologize, thinking it was your own fault. There would be tears in your eyes as you tried to help, because that's what humans did. They were compassionate, caring creatures, giving away their sympathy and kindness with no ulterior motives. 

It was no wonder why he fell for you, or why Iruma had his class united around him. He couldn't be selfish, wanting you all for himself. You had a right to choose.

Even if that choice wasn't him. 

--+--

By mid monday morning, there was a creeping feeling along the back of your neck that you were being watched. It was a feeling you were somewhat getting used to. Usually a day didn't pass without there being a student too nervous or afraid to ask for help that would hide and stalk you from the shadows until you noticed them.

But usually it wasn't so early in the morning; especially on a Monday when most of the student body was still recovering from the weekend off. (As well as most of the faculty, from what you could gather). 

You looked around carefully, trying to catch whomever was trying to spy on you - and was rather surprised to see Balam crouched behind a bookcase, watching you intently. 

You froze, your heart squeezing as you tried to pretend you didn't notice him while your mind struggled with what to do, or how to react. 

The events from the Brawl Inn continued to replay repeatedly in your mind during the rest of the weekend, which was not made any better by the fact Balam had been oddly… quiet. No texts or calls like you usually received, but the first silent weekend since you had met. 

Had he regretted your… parting gift? Was he trying to think of ways to re-establish the boundary you had broken? He had assured you everything was okay after you rushed apologies via text, but had it bothered him enough to ruin your friendship regardless? 

For a few minutes you tried to act like nothing was unusual, but couldn't shake the feeling of his eyes following you as you tried to carry on with your work. Finally, you gave in and turned to catch him red handed. Your eyes caught his and held his gaze while you gestured with your hands to express your befuddlement without drawing too much attention from the students lingering about. 

His face turned dark red once he realized he was caught, and he quickly stood to his full height, rubbing his neck in embarrassment.

"I would tease 'what secret do you know now,'" You said as he approached, a smile twitching at your lips. You couldn't help it, he was adorable -- looking rather bashful and awkward. "But I'm pretty sure you know all of them, so…?"

"Er, well," He stumbled over his words, making you even more curious. Finally he held up a fine-tooth comb, and the pieces clicked into place.

Oh. Oh! You had told him you would be willing to help him, after all.

You had to laugh at your own silliness and mentally wave off your anxieties. He wasn't here to confront you - either positively or negatively - about the other night. And if he wanted to act like nothing happened, you would be happy to follow along. Honestly, that was probably the best outcome. 

"Of course!"

He followed into your office and sat on the floor next to your small couch. Which worked fine in theory until you went to sit down behind him. That was when you had realized the problem. 

The only comfortable position you could find to brush his hair was by more-or-less having your legs thrown over his shoulders. With his head more or less  between your thighs since his shoulders were too damn broad for you to straddle.

Oh devi, you were so glad he couldn't see your face. You had to take a moment to calm your breathing and hope your heart wouldn't just explode from how hard and fast it was pounding. 

Nevermind the other effects his position was having on you. You sincerely hoped his sense of smell couldn't detect the changes as your body decided to join your mind in the gutter. 

(Unbeknownst to you, Balam was having similar thoughts, and also clenching his hands into fists to resist just pulling your legs closer still. They were so soft and warm, and he could barely resist the urge to nuzzle into them. And that sultry scent waking his other baser needs...

 He had not anticipated this when he gave in to his urge to seek you out. The molt had made him restless, breaking down his impulse control to the point that as soon as he had a free period, he had all but ran to you. Not only for you to brush his hair, but just to see you. To be near you again even if you didn't care for him in that way. But, dear Deities, why did you have to be so tempting?)

"So how's your monday going?" You asked to break the silence as you began to comb, starting at the end to carefully tease out any knots.

Instantly Balam relaxed, his head falling back against the cushion - his eyes closed. Your heart traveled to your throat to see him looking so blissful between your legs like that. 

"I can't reach the ends like this," You chided gently as you tipped his head back forward so you could reach the hairs that rested against the nape of his neck. It amazed you how long his hair had grown just over the weekend, becoming even fluffier and thicker. 

You absolutely loved it, to be honest. You wanted to bury your hands in it, or hell - nuzzle your face against the soft fluff but it would probably be inappropriate. And considering how you were trying to mend things after the weekend, you being a weirdo and smelling his hair would probably not exactly help things. 

"Better now," He answered your earlier question, his voice no more than a mumble - confirming how relaxing the moment was for him. And also making you feel worse about your own reactions.  "I just needed to see you."

You paused for a moment, heart once more leaping to your throat before you shoved it back down with a mental scolding. "Well, then I'm happy you stopped by," You answered carefully as you resumed your work, adding on a slight tease. "You're welcome here whenever, so there's no need to be so dramatic next time."

"I didn't mean to, I just… got distracted," He admitted after a moment.

You laughed at that, "By what, my stunning beauty?" You meant it as a joke, but he shifted in his place slightly - almost like a guilty child caught red-handed

"...Who did Raim want you to confess your feelings for?" He asked instead, almost eager to change subjects.

Your heart went from being in your throat to the pit of your stomach, and your whole body froze mid-movement. Curses of a thousand varieties screamed themselves in your head as you struggled to think. 

"Raim was drunk," You defended automatically before sighing. "But there's… this rumor going around since Walter Park," You started shakily, wondering if admitting this was really a great idea. But maybe… maybe it would help him see why you were acting jittery and oddly around him. "And it's led to a lot of people thinking we are… involved. And she and some of the others had been pressuring me to come forward with what they believe is the truth, no matter what I tell them."

There was no lie in that, and you hoped he couldn't tell the difference between someone being honest and just… slightly skewing the truth. 

Balam seemed to relax with a sigh. "I see. So… you aren't interested in one of the others."

"No," You answered honestly despite the pain in your chest, that selfish part of you screaming to just tell him everything. "I'm not interested in any of the others." Just you. But that's a fool's dream.

There was another pause before he quietly asked. "You would trust me, right? If you did have any feelings, I would help you no matter what. Though, being a human trying to court a demon would be very dangerous."

You laughed slightly, more self deprecating than anything as you started to comb his hair again. "Balam, I promise, I won't be so foolish. I mean, even on the off chance someone did somehow catch feelings for me, I don't want to press my luck. I have my family, and friends like you, which is more than I have ever hoped for. Why would I risk that for a foolish thing like love?" 

"Love isn't foolish," He argued unexpectedly, his hand stroking your lower leg mindlessly. "To follow your desires and ambitions is at the core of being a demon. I believe love is intricately linked to every demons ambition, to their… desires." 

You smiled fondly yet sadly. "Maybe that's the problem. I know Iruma is becoming more and more demon-like, in a way, but… well, I spent too long on Earth. To risk what I have now for a simple chance is foolish to me. I should be grateful for what I have, and not be so… selfish."

Balam was silent as you continued, though not still as he continued to pet, and even almost nuzzle your inner knee before catching himself.

"I wasn't trying to say you shouldn't risk it, just that it had risks."

The bell screamed the end of the class period, meaning only a short few minutes before the next one. Has it really been that long? Granted, he had been stalking you through the library for quite a while before you had acknowledged him...

Balam was careful as he shifted out from his seat and stood to his full height, looking down at you with such an odd expression on his face you couldn't quite place. Part of you felt trapped by his gaze, unable to look away as he brushes your cheek gently, tenderly. 

"You deserve to have whatever you want," He stated softly, causing your voice to catch in your throat and leaving you speechless as he left. 

Deserve whatever you want? It seemed like a laughable idea to you. How many times had you been told you didn't deserve anything? You had to fight to get what you needed, nevermind your desires and other such frivolous things. 

--+--

Days passed and your mood only darkened. Despite trying to tell yourself to be thankful for what you had, your heart decided it was going to be bitter. 

You did your best to act like everything was fine when in reality you felt anything but. No one in the Netherworld could apparently empathize with your predicament, which made you feel more alone and isolated than you would expect. 

Be bold. Reach for your desires. Never give up on your ambition. 

Everything that you were trained by life not to do; because all it ever led to was pain and misery. The only time you had gone against it in any way was for Iruma - and while it had ended rather positively, you weren't willing to risk it again; especially for your own selfish desires. 

However, apparently your acting skills were not up to par. Most of Babyls--student and faculty alike-- had noticed your withdrawn and quiet attitude despite the fake smiles and attempts at being cheery. You overheard students betting on when you would shift into an Evil Cycle, making you huff silently to yourself in dark amusement. 

//Would you like to have lunch together today?// Balam texted, making you smile faintly despite the ache in your heart. You had been avoiding him, and you knew he could tell. Yet despite the pain it caused -- like a knife digging into your chest-- you still couldn't bring yourself to do anything else.

You wanted to explain that humans had a variety of moods, and while they didn't trigger evil cycles, they did have a major impact at times. Like depression, or anxiety. The trauma of their youth didn't set their evil cycle, but lingered in a different way. 

But that would involve a long discussion: multiple questions. One he would likely want to meet in person about, and then his skinship would have you sitting close as he touched you with such mindless casualness….

It wouldn't be the best idea. 

//Not today. I have some work to catch up on, but thank you. Maybe some other time.//

You sighed as you set the phone down and rubbed your face, trying to will yourself to think of something else. To find anything else to focus on to stop this negative cycle of thoughts repeating themselves in your head. 

But you couldn't focus on reading, and mindless chores often allowed you to only lose yourself in thought even more. No one seemed to need help with anything at the moment, or they were giving you distance in fear of an Evil Cycle. 

Yet, even studying Runes seemed impossible. How could you bring up the thought of being protected without thoughts of Balam holding you? Or being strong and enduring without remembering how he withstood the dragon's attack at Walter park? 

Even trying to use the Kaunan Rune has you recall watching him train Az and Sabnock and showing just a glimpse of his physical power... His talons digging deep into the rock as he withstood their attacks, and then turning and slamming them both into the dirt as if they were nothing. 

You had to get him out of your head. 

"As much as it's a nuisance, trying to delay a Wicked Phase usually only makes it worse, my dear."

You groaned at the soft sultry tone of Raim. "Please, just leave me alone."

She doesn't abide by your wishes, instead saunting closer to your desk, a frown on her painted lips. "You're one of us now, dear. And that means we watch out for one another. Usually, when one of us starts sulking as bad as you, Dali or even the Chairdemon himself will force us to take a break and allow nature to take its course. Why they haven't with you yet is beyond me." 

You didn't have the energy to play virtual chess with your words. "Because dad knows me, okay?" You snapped back a little more forcefully than what was probably needed, judging by the surprise in her eyes. Instead of trying to wrangle yourself under control, you only continued. "He knows I'm hardly a danger to myself and others, and thankfully gives me some much needed space. Something I would very much appreciate if you and the others did the same, understand?" 

Her eyes narrowed as she smiled. "And if I don't? Why don't we go outside and settle this like a pair of ladies." 

Part of you yearned to. To get the bottled up feelings out through misplaced aggression. But logic broke through the fog of your mind and reminded you that in a fight, you were extremely outmatched. As fragile and dainty as she may appear, she was both a demon and a teacher of demons.

Your human ass would be dead in a heartbeat. 

"I don't have time," You deflected, turning away from her. "Don't you have a class or something to teach?" 

You were just a few steps from your office door as she spoke again. "Ah, I see. You're sexually frustrated." 

You froze, heart beating in your chest. She was just guessing. She was just digging into a known button of yours to get a reaction. 

Yet, you wondered how much she knew, being a succubus. 

"Maybe I'll go fetch Professor Balam to come… take care of you."

"Leave him the fuck out of this," You growled without turning around. 

"But why? It'd be killing two cockatrices with one stone. I mean, I thought being in a school full of teenagers was bad enough, but you two! Oof," She huffed before continuing after a slight pause. You didn't even need to turn to know there was another smile on her lips. "Really, if you don't take care of each other, I might be tempted to go help Balam myself, if just to get a reprieve from the sexual tension in the air." 

You were not jealous. You were not jealous. 

Yet the mental image that came unbidden in your mind of the Seduction Teacher using her wiles on Balam; being able to touch him the way you wanted to, kiss his flesh until it was well marked. To sit astride his large thighs and tease him until he was a quivering mess.

Or until he lost control and snapped, turning the tables. The dreams of being beneath him, overpowered by his frame until you were the one pleading filtered into your head, except Raim was in your place.

No. 

Stop it. 

"Oh?" She hummed, and you realized you had spoken out loud. "What was that?" 

You took a few calming breaths before you turned towards her. "I said stop it. Stop trying to goad a reaction out of me." 

She was leaning on your desk, hands supporting her head and emphasizing her beauty. "Sorry, but I don't think you understand. I came here to fix this problem, and I'm not leaving until I achieve my goal."

Achieve my goal

Ambition. Desire. That motivation to go after whatever they wanted with being crippled by fear. Demons don't care if they deserve something - or if what they wanted was out of reach, because they firmly believed that they deserved what they wanted. That if they desired something enough, they would find a way to get it.  

You wanted to be like them. 

But you weren't. You were just human. 

And for a moment, you hated them. 

"You don't fucking get it." You snarled as you marched towards her. "I'm not like you. I will never be like you. Do you want to know what it's like, being 'rankless'?" You sneered, barely catching yourself In time. "Yes, I want him. I want Balam with my whole heart, but I will never, ever, have him. Because of simply what I am." You took a breath, closing your eyes as you centered yourself. 

If you fucked up. If you exposed yourself, you were dead.  Iruma would be dead.

"And even on the Devi-forsaken chance that he would want someone like me," You continued in a softer tone, unwilling to look at her as you clenched your fists. "I don't know one thing about making that work. And I can't, I won't mess up the relationship I have with him now just because I'm so fucking selfish!"

"You would give him up, because of fear?" Raim asked, sounding both confused and disgusted. "Now I see. So this is why you're rankless despite having a father like Lord Sullivan and a son like Iruma."

You laughed, more hysterical than anything. "Yeah. This is my curse. To want so much and not be able to go after it. To realize that I'm worthless, even here. I'm only here because of luck, and nothing else. And I can't risk my luck running out." 

Raim shook her head as she stood. "I don't know what broke you dear, but maybe you could stand to learn the most basic lesson. The only one who sets your worth is yourself. Magic and power may be an important part of survival, but there's more to it than that. But if you feel you're worthless… then maybe you are." 

Even though you had said the words yourself, hearing her repeat them so casually was like a slap in the face. 

And also the last straw.

--+-- Su-Ki-Ma--+--

//Not today. I have some work to catch up on, but thank you. Maybe some other time.//

Balam frowned as he read your message. He had heard that you hadn't been your usual self, and had to agree. There was something obviously bothering you, causing the change. 

Iruma had expressed the same sentiment, admitting that even at home, you were quiet and tended to keep to yourself. Yet you kept insisting you were fine whenever he or Lord Sullivan tried to pry. 

Your words from earlier in the week repeated in his mind, and he couldn't shake the idea that maybe you had been trying to say something without actually saying it. 

Either way, he grabbed a tray of food from the Kitchens and marched down the halls towards the Library. 

He was going to figure out what was going on, one way or another. 

[raamitsu]

Also another thing that makes me disappointed in the end of TR, it didn't feel earned to me at all. And look I want them to be happy and to heal from their past trauma I do really especially the Sano family cause God knows they get throttled in every tl. But Mikey didn't learn from his past mistakes and didn't do anything to change how he was, but michi also didn't sit down to think how his actions would effect everyone else besides him and Mikey. And not only that but what little development all the side characters got was wiped away when they went to another tl, like what was the point? And what about the people from the Kanto vs toman tl like michi you died in that tl and I'm sure their really upset about that. Like he felt no guilt at all when he came to the last tl, no after thought or anything like that. And the overall way this series just pushed anyone who wasn't michi out of Mikey life as if he was the only thing keeping Mikey from going over the edge. Like hello Draken has been described as being Mikey "heart and moral compass" hell I would even say that if Draken was the mc of this series I would get why he would be hell bent on saving Mikey. Cause he's known him for sure a lot time and has probably since a lot of his "dark impulses" episodes(to me the dark impulses will forever be a mental health issue not that came from love bs) It also felt super cheap that everyone of their enemies joined their gang like ok lol 😆, anyways I guess a win is a win since all the Sano family,Draken and Baji made it to adulthood so I'll take it. Sorry for all the rambling

You see… we have a lot of people like you who were rambling about their fav(s)’ whole character development being wiped away by a single time leap (pls not to mention even Mikey time leaped too pfttntnt I should’ve known better that Wakui doesn’t give a shit about logic but oh well…) and bro, I couldn’t agree with you more in this like- THIS is what we should talk about.

It is indeed rushed, to the point it has been proven in an interview (I just dropped the link) and the potential they had in the manga canon was being put aside. I mean, I can’t say why it was wasted since it’s hard to see what happened behind every author’s works, but it is absolutely can’t be denied the story could’ve been established way better than what we’ve read so far.

Shorten the whole final time leap when it can be a potentially interesting part of the story is just… meh. It’s clearly a lazy writing but yeah of course some people (who sucks up to everything) would say otherwise. Everything about the characters we knew has been…. thrown away to the see haha. It’s insane, I know and I definitely understand where you came from. I really do.

And it’s alright !! Please don’t be shy to share your ramblings any time. My ask box is always open hehe 🥰

[ddarker-dreams]

Comfortably Numb. Yan Chrollo x Reader [COMM]

warnings: mentions of anxiety, just general uneasiness. word count: 2.6k.

Home is where the heart is. 

It’s meant to be the sanctuary where you can unwind after a long day of work, dress in your most comfortable pajamas, and feel no qualms for the opinions of others. A safe haven of your own making. Granted, there was a time that you felt this way, no matter how long ago it seems. A coveted period of your life that you wish you could return back to. On a surface level, any onlooker might take a glance at you and think you are as normal as they are. If only that were the truth, you bitterly lament. 

Now, what do you need to check on next? Milk is in good supply, not set to expire anytime soon. Hm… can’t say the same for the fruit. You jostle down some of your favorites onto the ever growing grocery list. What else is there? You’ve got to be missing something. Standing on your tiptoes, you open the overheard cabinet, that is now noticeably more barren than it used to be. The bags of tea that had once populated this area have vanished, all but a lonesome pack of matcha. Huffing, you close the cabinet doors, ready to voice your irritation.

Pivoting on your heel, you look over the kitchen counter and towards the occupied living room. “You drank all my tea?” 

“Not at all of it,” your unwelcome guest corrects, much to your displeasure. “Besides, you never said I couldn’t have any.” 

You raise an eyebrow at this conjecture. Who would’ve thought him a stickler for semantics. “Yeah, well, I never said you could have it either.” 

“That’s a fair enough point. I’ll be sure to reimburse you for it later.” Chrollo ends the conversation before it even begins. His attention returns to his original activity of reading, freely helping himself to yet another one of your belongings. An exhausted sigh leaves your lips at the sight. If you somehow make it out of this situation unscathed, you may take on a more pious lifestyle, having survived way more than you should’ve. It’s a wonder that Chrollo hasn’t seen fit to strike you down where you stand. Where you lack self-restraint in the verbal department, you make up for it in your overall composure. Surely anyone else would’ve been crushed under the immense pressure of having a murderer crashing at their apartment. 

That’s just about the best way to describe it, you think. How desensitized do you have to be to no longer shiver at the thought? In all fairness, Chrollo himself is treating this as the most ordinary arrangement in the world. At his own leisure he’ll start conversations with you, inquire about your day, and even offer insight that you never asked for. It’s gotten to the unfortunate point that you’re even starting to do the same. Treating him more as a peculiar roommate than the threat he truly is, though it could be your way of coping. That’s the explanation you’re going with.

Chrollo puts a bookmark into his read, and places it aside. “Is there anything you’d like for dinner?”

He asks the question as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Your normally schooled expression is broken, lips parting and eyebrows furrowing together. Is he being serious right now? There’s no way to tell for certain. Not on a lack of trying from your behalf, his countenance never hints at his innermost thoughts. You get the feeling what little Chrollo does reveal to you is intentional. How creepy. 

“I was just planning on warming up leftovers,” you accentuate this by opening your fridge. On the shelves sits lentil soup, apples, and some protein yogurts. Shit. “Scratch that. I’ll be settling for yogurt instead.” 

“You had that for breakfast, if memory serves.” Chrollo points out, as if you’re incapable of remembering that yourself. It’s odd that he feels the need to pay attention to every detail about you. How often is Chrollo observing you without you taking notice? You push the thought aside with a frown.

“What are you, my hostage-taker and nutritionist? Besides, this is what I like to call a struggle meal. Or, meals, technically. I’ll go shopping tomorrow to make up for it.” You grimace while picking up the gourmet cuisine for tonight. Strawberry cheesecake flavor. It’s better with stuff added to it for texture, but this’ll have to do. It’s doubtful someone who is hiding a stolen merchandise worth hundreds of thousands can empathize with your position. Not that it matters if Chrollo Lucilfer holds you in high regard, with all the blood on his hands. He’s got no room to judge.

“Hm, in the time we’ve spent together, I never considered you as dense,” he gets up from his seat, making his way towards the kitchen. You don’t get a word in edgewise before your dinner is plucked from your hands. Chrollo places it back in the fridge, while you stare at him with a slackened jaw. “I’m offering to buy you food, [First].” 

How considerate of him to spell it out for you. 

“Appreciative as I am for your gesture of goodwill, I’ll pass. I don’t want to be indebted to you.” You make for the fridge once again, scowling as he holds it shut with unnatural force. Damn, he’s strong. Maybe you’re playing with fire by provoking him, considering the power imbalance, but your tongue is faster than your brain. Both a blessing and a curse. Leaning more towards the latter, you muse.

“I insist. It’s only right that I repay you somehow, for allowing me to stay here. You wouldn’t be indebted to me.” Chrollo’s smile never reaches his eyes, you notice. Standing here in close proximity to him, there’s a lot more you can pick up on. Every little detail of his disposition is intentional. From his even keel tone, to his polite speech, and way of acting like you have any say in the matter. You’re all bark and no bite. Both of you are keenly aware of this, and still he talks to you as if he’s none the wiser. It’s demeaning in its own right. 

“I guess it is sacrilegious to turn down free food. Alright, you win.” You throw your hands up in mock defense. This uncomfortable interaction helped you remember the position you’re in, how every breath might be your last. He’s broken into your residence, forced you to hide him from encroaching hunters, and made your past ten days a living hell. It was the threats to your loved ones that ultimately earned your compliance. 

You can’t help the self deprecation that’s followed since that day. The law is what you’re supposed to be protecting, not protecting criminals from. Going to the station everyday with the knowledge that you’re harboring such a dangerous criminal is weighing heavily on your soul. Life sure is full of the worst ironies. Had it not been an A class bounty, you may have stood a chance. 

Chrollo reaches into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out one of his many burner phones. “You’re being more agreeable than I expected, if I’m being honest.”

“What can I say? I become a bit of a yes man when my life is being threatened.” You respond with an empty smile of your own. Instead of earning any ire from him, he lets out an airy chuckle, of dubious sincerity. Whether it’s at you or with you is difficult to decipher. He pulls up a food delivery app, showing you the options. This was all prepared in advance, he must’ve taken the time to download it. So it wasn’t a spur of the moment decision to mess with you? 

“Y-you’re really letting me pick?” There’s no hiding your incredulous tone of voice. This series of events is far too bizarre to fathom, like a nightmare stepping into reality. Just a week ago you were contemplating how to poison Chrollo without him taking notice. Now you’re ordering food together. There has to be an ulterior motive lurking around, your gut won’t tell you otherwise.

He tilts his head at your apprehension, and repeats himself. “That’s what I said, yes.” 

Fuck it. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, or so the saying goes. You’ve suffered enough at Chrollo’s hands, it wouldn’t hurt to make the most of it. You take the cheap phone from his hands, scrolling through the options, and realizing now just how wonderful the variety of food sounds. Working up an appetite hasn’t come naturally with your uninvited guest skulking about. He has enough prepaid visa cards to cover what you want, so you hold nothing back. 

After returning his phone to him, you can’t help but throw an additional sarcastic comment in. It’s second nature at this point. “Happy now?” 

“Very much so,” Chrollo doesn’t mention your indignation, eyes raking over your expansive order. It’s not until he gets to the end that he quirks an eyebrow. “... A one hundred dollar tip?” 

“Feel free to add some extra zeros to the end of that. It’s not binary code for ‘help me, there’s a criminal in my apartment’, if you’re worried about that.”

He hums in consideration. “I can’t say that came to mind.” 

“Shit, looks like I went ahead and busted my own master plan.” Your response is notably dry. A headache is already in the works, courtesy of speaking to Chrollo for too long. He never fails to keep you on your toes. For all the sardonic remarks you make at his expense, anxiety has never stopped plaguing you. It’s a miracle that your heart is still functioning properly. You don’t even know why you ordered the absurd amount that you did, other than from pure spite, since your stomach is churning too much to want to eat. Maybe that’ll change when the food shows up. If not, your co-workers are going to be in for quite a treat tomorrow. 

You return to your newfound favorite activity of ignoring Chrollo, busying yourself with anything that comes in sight. Watering your plants, putting mugs from the dishwasher away, menial stuff that keeps you busy. A new feat lies in your wake. Whoever designed this apartment didn’t do so with you in mind, your larger plates just barely out of reach. Not willing to concede to using a chair just yet, you keep up the gallant attempt, stretching as far as your body allows. Your fingertips graze just over the prized handle, only for you to fail again.

That’s when you feel an over looming presence behind you, a shadow encompassing your figure. Chrollo gets the plate you were reaching for with ease, his chest brushing over your back in the process. You feel your face flushing, your body going taut, standing still as a wooden plank. He sets it down beside you with a knowing smile. That bastard…! He’s doing this on purpose. Damn him. 

“It looked like you could use some help.” He tells you. It takes every ounce of your self restraint not to lunge at him, instead taking a deep breath and nodding your head. Why is he so intent on getting a reaction from you? It’s exasperating, serving no practical purpose other than his own amusement. Inundated with your thoughts, you don’t realize how sour a look you’re sporting. This is what he wants, you remind yourself. To get you riled up. You refuse to play into his hands, and manage to get a grip. 

Time passes by at a lethargic pace. After around forty minutes, your front door rings, and you pick up the order. Sitting at your counter, you help yourself to the meal, grateful that Chrollo has seen fit to leave you alone. There can never be anything good in this world, as he eventually joins you. You try not facing him as an act of defiance. The plan that seemed ingenious in theory has a rockier execution. Sitting in silence feels worse somehow, like a ticking time bomb. Shifting in your seat, you decide to strike up a half baked conversation.

“So, uh, about the whole being hunted down thing,” your voice wavers and you hate yourself for it, “Do you have an idea of when it’s going to be over? I’m starting to run out of excuses for why my friends can’t come over.” 

This is true. There have been no more lively gatherings at your apartment since Chrollo’s unwelcome appearance, and you’ve been pestered about it. In between the lines is the prospect of your friends finding this reclusive behavior suspicious. In your optimism, you hope he takes it as a hint to get out of here faster.

Chrollo takes on a pensive appearance, his chin resting on his hand. “I’d been meaning to talk to you about that, so I’m glad you brought it up.” 

How nice it is to be on the same page. This could be the light at the end of the tunnel, the last page in this awful chapter of your life. Ten days seems like a reasonable amount of time to lay low. Maybe he’s already packing his bags, planning to leave you far behind, so you can forget any of this ever happened. Maybe you’ll treat yourself to a vacation. From the gut wrenching anxiety Chrollo has inflicted on you, you feel deserving of one. 

“They’ve stopped searching for me a while ago.” 

Wait, what?

You look at him, silverware dropping from your lax hand. He’s never been into joking around. Does that mean he’s being serious with you? That all this time, you’ve been holding out for something that already happened? Fists balling by your side, you don’t bother hiding a sharp glare directed towards him. There’s no playfully wry response, no comeback, only disbelief and abhorrence. The bountiful meal in front of you is forgotten. 

There’s no point in asking, but you still do, voice low. “... How long?” 

“According to my sources, about a week.” comes Chrollo’s response, hammering the final nail in the coffin of your patience. His motivations have never been any less clear. You know you shouldn’t have taken the word of someone like him seriously -- you’re so painfully aware of this that it hurts -- but now leaves a final question. Why? What does he get out of this? You feel sick to your stomach, knowing that it’s going to bad no matter what. Your breathing has picked up, eyes dilating and body threatening to crumble under the tension. Everything feels out of place. 

He responds as if he was reading your thoughts. “You’re an interesting person, [First]. You never cried, pleaded, or anything of the like. Instead you accepted the situation for what it was, all while staying true to your values. I find that admirable. I’d like to learn more from you.”  

“Stop talking to me like I’m a -- a fucking -- science experiment, instead of a human being. How does any of that shit even matter?” You feel the blood draining from your face, every word coming out more forced than the last. Getting riled up here is the last thing you should be doing, but you can’t control yourself. All your negative emotions from your time with him are regurgitating into a final mess.

“I don’t know, truth be told.” Chrollo checks the watch on his wrist, and you gulp at the smile that forms on his lips. It feels like a sentencing, a foreboding omen. There’s bile rising in your throat, and you scramble away from your chair. You need to get out of here. You need to run, to scream for help, to alert your family, this is not going to end well, what is he planning-- 

There’s a hurried knock at your door.

“However, what I do know is that I have no intention of leaving this place without you by my side.” 

[twenty-orange-balloons]

Honestly, before I started My Engineer I thought RamKing was the main couple because I saw it around more than DuenBon and so I was really puzzled for the first three episodes until I realized they were a secondary couple but I really love them.

They’re my favorite in the series. Seriously, out of all the couples they seem the most compatible and have the least problems. King cares for Ram and never pushes him into speaking, he teases him a little and asks him to speak to him but he never forced him to. He even found a solution by having Ram just Text him instead. King even lets Ram stay over with his dogs (that he is terrified of) when he’s upset and Ram tells King about his family problems, trusting King. And Ram even takes care of the plant King gave him! It’s so sweet. I love them.

The few communication issues aside, (King, my Dude, I love you, but Please just talk to Ram) They seem to really care for each other and get along well. And King really did seem to learn how to read Ram better through the series and Ram learned how to be more open to King and speak more to him. I would honestly watch a whole series with just them as a main couple.

Second would be BossMek (Mek’s voice omg 😨 I was NOT prepared for it. I nearly threw my headphones when he first started speaking). Poor Mek, Boss just unintentionally crushed his heart and stepped on it multiple times throughout the series. I was internally wincing every time Boss opened his mouth. And while I enjoyed the reveal of Boss’s feelings, I still felt super bad for Mek all through the series. (Also love how Mek goes 0 to 60 whenever someone insults Boss.)

DuenBon was…okay, I guess. I didn’t feel like they had enough Positive interactions to make their relationship feel long lasting. They had far too many jealous moments and misunderstandings for my tastes.

I am kinda disappointed they didn’t talk more about what Mind attempted to do to Bon, or have Duen show a protective side and confront Mind. They always seem to immediately go to the ‘I saw you with someone and that means you must be cheating on me’ line and it’s really annoying because they reuse it like ten times. ( Also I really wanted Bon to punch Mind at least once.)

While I understand that their “fighting” can be playful, there is a lot of it and they never really seem to Talk about things. And when they do they don’t really seem to learn from it at all. Their relationship is new so it’s obvious they’d have some problems but damn do they have Problems.

I also wish they showed more of Duen having positive reactions to Bon flirting or caring for him, since for the most part it just seemed like Duen was going along with him and either didn’t really care or was easily annoyed. Like when they went on that date he didn’t really seem like he wanted it to be a date. He took his little sister and acted annoyed whenever Bon tried to flirt or be cute with him.

He always shoved Bon away whenever he tried to hug him or hold his hand or kiss him. And if he really doesn’t like physical touch he should tell Bon that instead of just pushing him away. It got a little better near the end but Duen still seemed a little uncomfortable with dating Bon.

I just think, if they show more of that pairing in season 2, they need more positive interactions that show that Duen actually does like Bon back. Maybe have him try to teach Bon to cook or show them cuddling, something besides Duen constantly pushing Bon away or them arguing. Or, hell, even have them talk about the physical touch thing? There’s no way Bon wouldn’t mention it at least once or twice.

I feel like FrongThara was just a last minute thing because they didn’t want to go fully into the love triangle route (which thank f. I hate love triangles most of the time) but near the end they did seem like they’d be kinda cute together. I just wish they had more scenes together. Which maybe they do in the novel but I don’t plan on reading it and this is just my thoughts on the tv series.

Overall I enjoyed the series, mostly just the RamKing stuff, and I want to see season 2 when (if) it comes out.

[itsclydebitches]

Voyager. Now that’s a kettle of fish. Obviously watch/enjoy whatever you wish, but I do recommend also checking out SFDebris’ reviews of the episodes (he’s the rwde of Voyager). He is a lot smarter and more eloquent than me.

Putting these two asks together since my thoughts on both are all jumbled! 

Now, I want to emphasize that I’ve only watched the first 16 episodes (Season One + Season 2 premiere), so idk if Voyager is going to go seriously downhill later on, but right now I do really like it. And not in a, “Lol yeah compared to the other crap on it’s good, I guess” way, but in a completely honest, “It has its flaws, but is overall a solid, compelling show with lovable characters” way. Out of curiosity I watched SFDebris’ review of “Phage,” though I’m afraid I didn’t agree with it. The only part were I was like, “Yeah okay” was pointing out that they had the Doctor using a keypad when he supposedly wasn’t solid, but that’s precisely the sort of continuity error that, in an otherwise strong show, I’m willing to shrug off. For all the major points, it sounds like SFDebris is concerned primarily with the show he wants Voyager to be, rather than the show Voyager actually is. Which I know sounds familiar--I’ve heard that criticism leveled at my own work: “You just want RWBY to be a totally different show”--but the difference is that Voyager is a part of an established franchise, following three other TV shows, an animated series, and a collection of films. It’s not an original show (like RWBY) that can take itself in any direction the story may need/claim to want (again, RWBY). It has a brand and those established characteristics seem to be bumping up against SFDebris’ critiques: 

Hating Neelix as a character - You’re supposed to hate him. Or at least find him frustrating (I don’t personally hate him) because that’s what all the characters are grappling with too. From Tuvok forced to have an awkward conversation while Neelix is in the bath to Janeway dealing with him taking over her dining room, Neelix’s conflict revolves around how others learn to accept him. Star Trek as a franchise is about “Infinite diversity in infinite combinations.” Voyager begins with the problem of how the trained Federation officers are supposed to work with the more violent Maquis. Difference doesn’t just create “Wow, you’re so amazing!” reactions, it also includes frustration, disagreement, and outright hostility. Creating an outsider character with a kind heart but incredibly overbearing personality is a great way to test the other characters’ convictions. Do they actually care about all life in the universe? Or do they only care about life when they personally find it palatable? Having Neelix around is a great reminder for them--and the viewer--that just because someone annoys you at times doesn’t mean they’re any less worthy of love, respect, and companionship. It also doesn’t mean they don’t have something to offer: he keeps the crew fed even if his cooking is horrible, he provides information about this area of space even if he sometimes gets it wrong, we roll our eyes at the “Morale Officer” stuff, but Neelix does provide much needed perspective for characters like Tuvok. If Neelix made fewer mistakes, stopped bugging the crew, became a “cooler” character for the audience to root for rather than be frustrated by... a lot of the point of his character would be lost. 

Frustration about discoveries not carrying over to the next episode - AKA, the crew finds inanely powerful, alien tech and then (presumably) never uses it again. This would indeed be a big problem in a serialized story (like RWBY) but Voyager maintains much of Star Trek’s original, episodic nature. Though we have continuity in the form of them inching towards home and evolving as characters, the world still resets to a certain point at the end of each episode. This is what allows Star Trek to explore so many different questions and have so many different adventures. If you demand that serialized continuity--this character needs to have an arc to deal with this traumatic experience, the crew has to follow the thread they just discovered, our Doctor needs to do something with the new tech they just found--then you lose the variety that Star Trek is known for. Instead of a new story each week (or, occasionally, across two weeks) you’ve got a single story spanning months. Neither form is better or worse than the other, it’s absolutely a preference, but there’s a very specific, structural, intentional reason why the characters “forget” about the things they’ve discovered and, at times, experienced. Unlike Ozpin forgetting that he has a nuke in his cane for seven volumes, or Ruby forgetting to use her eyes at crucial points, Star Trek deliberately sets things aside to ensure there’s room for new ideas and questions next episode. 

Janeway doesn’t kill the Vidiians to get Neelix his lungs back - No Starfleet captain would. At least, not during this period of Star Trek. Sisko has development in that regard (making morally gray choices), but that’s built into the heart of the show from the start: he’s on a station, not a starship, that is jointly run by the Federation and the Bajorans, and built by the Cardassians. The rules of the Federation always had a tenuous hold there and Sisko as a character always pushed the boundary of the Federations expectations (Q: “Picard never hit me!”) Janeway, in contrast, is 100% a Federation captain and, more importantly, has explicitly told her crew that they will be operating as a Federation vessel, despite being so far from home. That’s the conflict between the officers and the Maquis. That’s why Tuvok accepts the alien tech in “Prime Factors,” recognizing that Janeway can’t. That’s why Seska is a compelling antagonist, pressuring the crew to abandon their ideals for survival. The series (or at least that first season) revolves around questions about identity and whether they’re willing to give that identity up now that they’re out from under the Federation’s thumb. Overwhelmingly, they choose not to... which would make murdering the Vidiian a complete 180 for her character. We’re not necessarily supposed to agree with Janeway’s choice, we’re supposed to acknowledge that murdering another sentient being is not some simple choice to make, especially when you’re a leader devoted to a certain set of ideals. We’re supposed to recognize the challenges here (many of which SFDebris doesn’t acknowledge) like how you’re supposed to keep a prisoner for the next 75 years when you’re already struggling to feed and take care of the crew you have, or the fact that they claim to take organs from dead bodies and this was a rare time when they couldn’t. (It’s only in “Faces” that we learn this is complete BS and they actively kidnap people to work as slaves and then be harvested.) The frustration that Janeway doesn’t act here stems from wanting her to be a character who is, fundamentally, not a Star Trek captain. 

Granted, I only watched one review, but that’s what the whole thing felt like: wanting a series that’s not Star Trek. Something without a token, challenging character, without hand-wavy science, that’s more serialized, and doesn’t adhere to a “do no harm” code. (I just started “Initiations” and Chakotay asks a vessel to stand down three times, while actively being attacked, before finally retaliating and then he tries to reestablish communications and then he warns them about their engine and then he beams them aboard his shuttle. That’s what Star Trek (usually) is: that idealized love of life, even when that life is actively hostile). And like, that’s obviously fine! As you say, Flawartist, “watch/enjoy whatever you wish,” but just based on this one review I wonder if SFDebris just wants something other than Star Trek. 

I think one of the reasons why I feel passionately about this (beyond my love of context and recognizing when shows are actively trying to accomplish something specific) is that I went through this with DS9. For years I heard about how horrible the show was. It’s trash. It’s a mess. It’s not TNG, so don’t even bother. Or, if you do, be prepared for disappointment. There was this whole, strong rhetoric about how silly it all is--Star Trek is, by default, silly, so supposedly only the Shakespeare loving, archeology obsessed captain is sophisticated enough to save it--and then... I found nothing of the sort. I mean yeah, obviously Star Trek is silly as hell (that’s part of its charm), but DS9 was also a complex, nuanced look into everything from personal agency to the threat of genocide. There’s so much wonderful storytelling there... little of which made it into my cultural understanding of DS9. And now I’m seeing the same thing with Voyager. When I did some quick googling I was bombarded by articles saying how bad it is and now I have an ask comparing it to a show I don’t think has even a quarter of the heart the Star Trek franchise does. Which is is not AT ALL meant as a knock against you, anon. I’m just fascinated by this cultural summary of Star Trek: TOS is ridiculous but fun if you’re willing to ignore large swaths of it, TNG is a masterpiece and that’s that, DS9 is bad, Voyager is bad, and to be frank I haven’t heard much of anything about Enterprise. It’s weird! Because I watch these shows and I’m like, “Holy shit there’s so much good storytelling here.” Is it perfect? Not on your life, but it’s trying in a way that I can really appreciate. It’s Star Trek and Star Trek (at least at the time) meant something pretty specific. Criticisms about divisive characters or idealized forgiveness feel like walking out of a Fast and Furious film and going, “There was too much driving and silly combat. Why didn’t they just fix the situation in this easy way?” Because then we wouldn’t have a film about lots of driving and silly combat! If you make all the characters palatable, make Janeway harder, extend the impact of all the discoveries, remove the ridiculous science that doesn’t make any sense... then you don’t have Star Trek anymore. 

[letsperaltiago]

as long as you're with me it's always the time of the year

🌟 HAPPY 6TH OF DECEMBER: DOOR ONE 🌟

Welcome to door one of four! 

Behind my Christmas calendar’s first door is a... pre-relationship Peraltiago Christmas oneshot! ♥️ And I bet you have this series overall “theme” figured out now 😙If not then I guess you’ll have to tune back in in another six days! Until then I hope you can enjoy this first fic in the Christmas calendar/oneshot series!

Summary: The only thing Jake likes about the holidays is the Nine-Nine's annual Christmas party. This year, perhaps, he will come to prefer Amy's misfortune and company. Takes place somewhere between S02 E09: The Roadtrip and S2 E011:The stakeout.

Rating: G  Words: 6k

Read on AO3 here

🎁⬇️OPEN DOOR ONE HERE ⬇️🎁

The smell of pine trees, cinnamon and every other Christmas spice imaginable hangs over the precinct when Jake walks in on his day off. Normally he’d never set a foot near work on one of his holy days off, but today is the precinct’s annual Christmas party, and that he of course isn’t stupid enough to miss. Who would want to miss out on happenings like Boyle bringing some unknown Christmas-snack no one would ever want; drunk-Amy making an appearance; Gina hustling secret Santa gifts from young beat cops? Not Jake, that’s for sure.

This year’s party is being held on the third floor, the Special Victims Unit’s floor, and the second the elevator doors open before him Jake is met by the loud buzz made up of Christmas music, and people talking and laughing. Colors are everywhere; from the different, ugly shirts and Christmas sweaters people are wearing to the familiar, cliché Christmas decorations which have probably been reused for the past twenty Christmas parties. It’s horribly perfect, Jake thinks. Perhaps he hates the holidays, yes, but he does love the messy parties they bring along.  

“Jakey! Welcome!”

The detective has just barely stepped out of the elevator, onto festive grounds, when Charles appears right before him, holding two mugs of what appears to be some hot liquid. Jake is by no means very religious although he still prays to higher powers that said hot liquid is not that mulled Norwegian fish-wine his friend brought last year. Charles hands over one of the mugs and Jake is seriously afraid to look or, potentially even more hazardous, breathe in the toasty steam rising from it.

“Hey, bud. What’s that?”

“Mulled wine!” Charles takes a sip of his own mug meanwhile Jake can’t stop eyeing him, suspiciously so, because if there is one thing Jake doesn’t trust his best friend with then it’s primarily and definitely anything food and drink-related.

“Actual mulled wine or fish-wine?”

There is no getting around the fact that Charles is obviously hurt by the lack of trust his best friend is showing, when the little man’s face falls deadpan. “It happened once , Jake. One time.”

They start walking towards the briefing room, one much bigger than the one on their floor, where the life of the party is.

“I threw up for two days straight after last time - just saying, bud!”

Jake dares to smell the beverage and it does actually smell like actual mulled wine, so he hesitantly takes a sip, just in case it turns out he’s been betrayed. Alas the flavor tells him the liquid is indeed normal mulled wine, which makes this yet another cracked case for Peralta.

Inside the briefing room that is crowded with people, both some he knows and a lot that he doesn’t, a Christmas tree and all kinds of snacks and drinks, it’s hard to tell who is from what department and honestly? Jake doesn’t care. As long as people seem to be a good time and are willing to laugh at his hilarious charms then he’s down to clown. Or down to Santa - whatever Christmas-saying is more suitable.

“Has Gina scored herself some gifts yet? And how many drinks is Santiago at?”

Jake awaits an answer while his friend pours himself some more of the warm wine, and puts the time to good use by removing his leather jacket before hanging it on a random chair nearby. The party will be hot, literally, he figures.

“Hmm, last time I saw Gina she was up to two already…”

“Noice,” Jake nods in approval, mentally noting to check in with his friend later. This has to be the year she beats her record of eights gifts in one evening.

“... And Amy was up to one.”

“Not good enough.”

“We’ve only been here for an hour, Jake.”

Jake pauses. With the winter sun setting so early, he thought he’d missed out on hours of partying when in reality Boyle is right: it’s just barely 6.30 and he’s missed out on so little.

“Fair. I’ll give her that. Where is she anyway?”

Boyle turns just in time to see his friend scouting the room in hopes of finding his partner.

“Someone’s eager to hang out with Amy.” Just as his facial expression, rocking cocking eyebrows and a knowing smirk, Charles’ voice is laced with teasing tones. It’s no secret that Jake commiting to his feelings and acting on them, especially now that both him and Amy are single (and totally into each other, if you ask Charles) is at the top of the older detective’s wishlist - no matter how creepy it is.

“Shut up. I have a girlfriend.” Images of Sophia flash before him, the face she made when he promised her he didn’t like Amy anymore, and deep down Jake feels guilty. The feeling is quickly pushed aside though; he’s done nothing wrong and will do nothing wrong. He’s with Sophia - not Amy. “I just need to laugh at someone and Amy just so happens to be the perfect candidate.”

“Just like she’s perfect in every other way?”

“Boyle!” Jake lightly punches his friend on the arm and it almost causes Charles to spill the hot beverage. Just barely, he manages to restore the liquids balance and keep it in the cup.

“Hey! You almost made me drop my glühwein !” Leave it to Charles to pronounce the foreign word perfectly , and leave it to Jake to, as per usual, roll his eyes at it.

“Anyways, are you going to tell me where Amy is or not?”

The two friends stand back, facing the crowd in an attempt to comb through it, however everyone’s outfits seem so alike - ugly and colourful - and so it quickly hits them just how pointless the mission is.

“I don’t know about know, but last time I saw her she was by the women’s bathroom talking to Rosa. Haven’t seen her since.”

“Hm, okay,” Jake mumbles. “I’ll be right back. I just wanna say hi.”

“Sure you do.”

Quickly decoding the way his words are drenched in a certain teasing tone, Jake doesn’t even need to look at his friend to know there’s a knowing smirk plastered across his face. There’s no doubt: it’s easier for him to just walk away without looking back - so he does.

Boyle is a fool if he thinks he’s got a thing for Amy - that ship has long sailed. In the past, yes, he did have feelings for Amy… But that was before. Before Teddy and Sophia; before realising they were better off as friends; before, before, before. Sure, he’d felt something flare up inside of him that night at the inn with Teddy and Sophia when it was suddenly revealed that Amy used to like him, perhaps still did? He’ll admit that. However that entire trip was crazy, all kinds of emotions on display, and anything that said and/or happened there should be taken with a pinch of salt. Yes, he used to like Amy, ‘used to’ being the keyphrase. Now he was happy with Sophia and couldn't possibly have feelings for Amy. At least not romantic feelings, no. Friendly feelings, the sensation of being happy when around her? Sure. Now, months after said roadtrip to hell, things were back to normal: they were partners and friends, without any weirdness or doubt about the fact. That was it and the way it would stay, no matter what anyone said - especially Charles.

Suddenly he spots her, across the room in a corner with a cup in hand, talking to someone on the phone. The iconic red cup causes a smile to grow on Jake’s face as he is granted an early Christmas wish: drunk-Amy is going to make an appearance tonight. He appreciates all sides of Amy, although drunk-Amy is extra fun - especially ever since Gina let him in on the Santiago-drunkenness scale.

It takes her a second to pick up on his approach, but the second she sees him he receives a smile in return. Her hair is loose and shiny as alway. For tonight’s occasion it has a silvery head band holding it in place. To no one’s surprise, even less Jake’s, she’s wearing what he recognizes as her famous Santiago-dress pants. Although the blazer and usually colored shit has been replaced with a neatly ironed white shirt. The silver headband along with the white shirt? Of course Amy would go for an angel-look instead of a tacky red Santa or a green elf like many of their colleagues. Then again: white does look good really good on her, Jake admits to himself, and if it wasn’t for the fact that Charles’ words were stuck on repeat in his mind then maybe he would’ve told her. A nice, friendly compliment like… “You look pretty” or whatever other nice, not inappropriate thing he could say. It’s easier to say nothing at all, he figures.

The crowd around him is loud but he can hear her talking as he closes in on her. He waves to her and she half-mindedly waves back clearly focused on the conversation she’s in the midst of.

“Okay, yeah…”

He stops next to her and sips on his drink while she finishes up.

“We’ll go meet Santa on Sunday then… Yeah, I’ll meet you there. Bye.”

Although he hates to admit it, Jake is happy to see her hang up. It means she can switch her attention to him.

“Tinder date?” He asks.

She looks up, from putting her phone away, with what Jake considers the iconic ‘ you’re an idiot’-grimace, as a consequence reminding him of the one thing he has a hard time admitting - even to himself: she looks really cute doing just that and he likes that he’s the one person that can bring it out of her.

“Ha. Ha.” Her fake laugh is drier than the failed Christmas cookies she brought last year. “What do you think I do on Tinder-dates?”

“Meet Santa - apparently.”

It’s clear as day that the young man takes immense pleasure in the easygoing banter, the special kind he can only have with Amy, and even though his mouth says and shows one thing then his shining eyes definitely don’t agree. Infatuation is the word although he would never dare to call himself out on it. That was Charles’ job, but luckily no one, to Jake’s advantage, would ever believe the always way too excited little man.

“I can’t believe how funny you are, Peralta,��� Amy retorts, voice stuck in the same still flat tone that tries to make believe she isn’t very amused and delighted by the fact that Jake located her just to tease her. It’s a special kind of attention, one she at times has dreaded but with time slowly and surely has come to like - a lot. Even though she pretends not to.

“I can’t believe you go on Tinder-dates, Santiago.”

“I never said I did? You did.” She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow in objection.

“Right, right… Forgot you used to have feelings for me, which means you must’ve cut off all dating in hopes of me coming around one day.”

In all honesty Jake can’t, for the life of him, figure out why he says what he does sometimes. Although, apparently, there must be somewhat truth to it considering how Amy feels her palms heat up against her cold drink, blood rushing to her face where it quickly takes apparent form as a rosy color tinting the apples of her cheeks. Jake, even though it’s so very tempting, tries not to think any of it. Replaying in his mind is the look of confusion and pain on Amy’s face when it was brought up that Amy used to like him. Perhaps it was true but if bringing it up, in a context that wasn’t just for fun and banter, would cause Amy the same troubled feelings from back at the Maple Drip Inn, then it definitely wasn’t worth bringing up again. He shouldn't have said that. Amy didn’t have feelings for him anymore - chapter closed.

“Sorry. Bad joke.”

“It’s fine.” She tries to chuckle it off but he knows a genuine Amy-laugh and this isn’t it.

“Anyways,” Jake takes another sip of his drink leaving the word hanging in the air for a few seconds, aspiring for a change of subject, in case his partner wants to take advantage. She doesn’t though. His turn, he figures.  “If not a mystery man, then who was it?”

She shakes her head smiling at his persistence. “It was my brother Anthony. Him, Christian and I are taking my nephews and nieces to meet Santa.”

“Wow, all five hundred of them?”

Amy has to laugh at this, a genuine laugh this time, one with no snarky comment because he’s kind of right: her family is huge and she appreciates him taking note of it even though the number is horribly wrong.

“Almost… Just the ten of them.”

A shared chuckle between the two settles a nice and comfortable atmosphere around the two; one where the rest of the room disappears into the background and it’s just the two of them laughing and poking at each other as if there’s no half-awkward and delicate taboo to dance around.

Sadly the moment isn’t meant to last for much longer. Jake is halfway into one of his crazy stories, making Amy laugh louder and louder with every sip of her first drink. Out of nowhere, a heavy figure, certainly bigger than Amy’s, comes tumbling into her from the side and it to no one’s surprise results in her drink flying out of her hands, splashing all over her. Amy lets out a whelp, time stands still, everything seems to go silent as everyone around Amy, Jake included, stares in horror at the sudden mess.

Her drink, an unknown clear liquid mixed with melting ice, meets her previously so white and crisp shirt immediately soaking it - there’s no saving it.

“Oh, shit.” The stutter comes from the young man of the hour, someone Jake quickly recognizes at the loud and ruthless - and that’s coming from Jake - beat cop, Officer Miller. Jake finally snaps out of his daze, surprise and disbelief having him thrown completely off track. It’s then he really notices the look of horror on his partner’s half-drenched, very disappointed face, and even though he’s not to blame and it’s barely been ten seconds since the moment of collision, he wishes he’d reacted sooner.

“Oh my gosh,” Amy spits out, the sad remains of her drink plastered to her lower face and clothes.

“Fuck,” Miller adds another stutter to the list of pointless doings, right amidst the act of just standing there completely incapable of anything at all. From his point of view, Jake is witnessing the hopelessness play out before him -  Amy frozen, in shock, and Miller simply staring in disbelief at the consequences of his own acts -  when he suddenly notices how the young officer’s eyes shamelessly wander, from where they were looking at Amy’s face, downwards. Why whould he-

Jake’s eyes trail along, ingeniously, but quickly fly back to where they were looking at the offender - this time with rage in them. Miller’s eyes are still gawking at one specific area on Amy: her torso where her previously nice, white shirt - one Jake can picture Amy spending hours ironing and being excited to wear - is now very much see-through.

“Hey, what the hell, man!”

Jake is by no means a violent person, nevertheless he can’t contain himself. Not when Amy is right before him looking like a lost puppy. He lightly punches the other man’s shoulder.

“What the hell, yourself! Don’t touch me!” Miller, having finally snapped out of his perverted daydream, defends himself and takes a threatening step towards Jake.

“Jake, it’s okay-” Just like all the seminars have taught her, Amy tries to interrupt the escalating conflict; one that’s somehow partly her fault but at the same time not at all. However, feeling very exposed, starting to feel anxious, she doesn’t force anything. Left to do is nothing but to stand back and watch Jake stand his ground - even when the younger but notably taller man steps up to him.

“How about you have some decency and apologize to my partner?”

Jake is enraged, obviously by the drink-incident itself, but mostly by the young officer’s disrespectful reaction that followed suit. On the occasion that he wouldn’t much rather use his energy on listening to and helping Amy then maybe, just maybe, he would’ve engaged further. Inside his head he counts down from ten, still glaring with fiery eyes at Miller, and not moving before he’s reached zero. As if on cue Amy breaks the silence.

“Jake… Let it go. It was an accident.”

She’s too good for her own self, he thinks. Her voice is shaky, not disturbingly so but just enough to get Jake to turn around, and his reasoning is confirmed: his energy and time is better spent helping her, however he can. The crowd around them has once again started buzzing, as if nothing ever happened, and the only thing Jake has eyes for is Amy and the distressing way in which she has her arms crossed before her in an attempt to hide herself. Her body’s posture obviously translates to her facial features, the anxiety starting to show, so of course Jake wastes no time; without further hesitation, he pulls off his iconic blue hoodie and makes sure to help it onto her, shielding her from the rest of the party. Once in a while he throws a glance at her face, and he can tell the very second it hits her that he must’ve seen it too since he knows what’s going on.

“Don’t worry about it. Except for that idiot, no one saw anything. Don’t think about it… Okay?” He reassures her, hopefully putting her mind at ease, and makes sure to catch her eyes before continuing. Hopefully she believes him.  

“Thank you,” she whispers as they stand face to face while Jake makes sure his hoodie is covering her properly. He wants to smile, be the good in her dreadful situation, but still feeling too pissed he can only muster a nod before he wraps a protective arm around her shoulder. “Come with me, Amy. Lets go fix this.” It’s his way of telling her to come with him, that she can trust him and that he’ll take care of it. He can feel her follow him, thus guiding her to the elevator.

❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄

Still in a somewhat trance-like state, Amy lets Jake guide her, arm safely around her shoulder and small-talking to keep her calm, down the dimly lit hall of the basement and into the Nine-Nine’s men’s locker room. Her soaked shirt has slowly started soaking through Jake’s hoodie, the wet tips of Amy’s hair dripping onto it as well, and there’s a very good reason Jake has brought her where he has. He doesn’t waste a second and gently sits her down on the bench in the middle of the many lockers.

“Just sit tight, Ames. I’m going to fix this.”

She nods instead of breaking her silence, still feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the embarrassing situation which has unfortunately triggered an anxious part of her that she most of the time can keep in check. Alas this situation was too much, understandably so, and all she has to cling onto is her partner rummaging rather aimlessly through what she hopes is his locker. Must be; the inside of the door is covered in a Die Hard poster, and Amy feels herself smile a bit at the sight. That is so very Jake Peralta. Even more so when, during the intense search, all kinds of random items accidently fall out of the locker. Everything from packs of gum and old receipts to DVDs and lonely socks.

“Aha! Knew I had it in here!”

Jake pulls a chequered item from the depths of his - very messy, Amy can’t help but shudder - locker before turning to her with a wide, proud smile that lets her know: mission accomplished. He puts a red flannel on display for her and his smile never falters. “On top of being clean and warm it’s also red. Very christmassy, Santiago.”

“Have you just… always had that in there?”

“Probably since I transferred here,” Jake chuckles as he throws all the things that fell out during his search for the flannel back into the chaos of the locker. “Red is not my best color, so I just keep it in there in case I need a change of clothes…” he trails off as if he’s considering his next move, then his head whips around to look at her. “... Or, like, in case my best friend is in trouble. Might not be up to Santiago-standards but I promise it isn’t gross or anything.”

Amy can’t fight it as tiny butterflies break free in her stomach at the sight of her caring partner, someone she could potentially see as more but alas she’ll never say out loud, send her that small, mischievous yet shy smile of his. Instead of saying anything, too baffled to say anything coherent, her eyes will secretly sparkle and heart do a double take. A joke can perhaps do the job, she thinks, hating how Jake-like she’s become over the years.

“Best friend? I don’t see Boyle in here.”

“What a silly thing to say, Santiago.” Having stuffed all of his randomness back into the locker, he turns back to look at her. “You know very well that you’re my best friend, too.”

Silence, more intense than their usual comfortable ones, fall over them as their eyes stay in touch. It’s as if someone’s supposed to say something, supposed to confess, but nothing of that nature presents itself. Instead Jake clears his throat.

“Now take your wet shirt off and put this on.” He hands her the flannel and for a second their eyes lock again. She takes it from him and keeps their eyes locked, for just a second too long as if she’s trying to communicate through the stare. A tension, one made of something unspoken, once again connects them. Too bad Jake’s quick to divert the situation by clearing his throat, she think, even though she also knows he’s right.

“Uhm, so yeah… Put that on and I’ll wait outside. There’s another hoodie in my locker, uhm on top, if you’re still cold.”

“T-thanks, Jake.”

A small smile is sent her way before he disappears out into the hall and closes the door, allowing Amy to let out a deep breath. Damn Jake Peralta for being so amazing.

❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄

“Tadaaa.”

Jake’s head flies up, from where he was looking down at his phone, to witness a sight he definitely shouldn’t be loving as much as the butterflies in his stomach tell him he certainly does. There’s apparently something about Amy Santiago in his flannel and hoodie that does something to him; sweaty palms, speeding heartbeat and all that jazz.

“How do I look?”

Beautiful. He thinks but doesn’t say it out loud. There’s a teasing glint in his partner’s eyes, one he wants to fall and dive right into so badly, but he’s too aware to give into it. Amy does a pageant twirl and it couldn’t be timed any better, Jake thinks: it’s the perfect occasion for him to throw in a joke and break the spell that he seems to be under.

“Stunning,” he jokes and prays to some higher power that it’s enough to drench them in that never-that-serious, goofy energy they seem to be all about, even after the most serious and intense moments. “Like looking at myself in the mirror.”

She scrunches her nose and smiles, a face she always makes when he says something funny, and Jake doesn’t complain. “Ouch.” She says, pretend-hurt.

“Hey! I’m very handsome, thank you very much…”

“Whatever.” She shakes her head. “Thank you, by the way.”

“Don’t mention it.” He smiles, genuinely as only he can, and Amy wants to thank him for so much more than just tonight. She wants to thank him for always being on her side, always making her feel good in every situation imaginable, even the bad ones, and she wants to thank him for truly being her best friend. That would come off as a very emotionally loaded confession though, so instead she bites her lip.

“Anyways… I think I’m gonna head home. I’m not really feeling like going back there.” She confesses.

All at once the light and cheery Amy, the Amy that jokes and rolls her eyes at him, seems to be switched off and once again replaced by the hesitant Amy he rarely sees. The few times he has witnessed said hesitant and insecure Amy, without hesitation or questions, he feels a somewhat irrational need to help her, take care of the thorn in her side, whatever that might be. Although now, with a girlfriend, one that isn’t Amy, weighing down on his conscience, he isn’t quite sure of how to act. The thought of her sitting at home all alone while he and everyone at the Nine-Nine parties doesn’t fall on fertile ground. No way he’s just letting her walk out.

“I’ll head upstairs with you and grab my coat, say goodbye to the squad, and then I’ll be off before I can embarrass myself again.”

“Ames!”

Barely turned on her heels, Jake is significantly faster and manages to block her way to the elevator. In the depth of his brown eyes Amy, surprised to say the least, can see something unravelling. She’s frozen on the spot where he cut her off.

“Jake?”

“Stay? We can have a fun night without going back up to the party.” He flashes a shy smile that reminds her of the kind she and her brothers always used to flash at their mother whenever they knew they were bargaining for an unreasonable cause. Much like that Jake Peralta is indeed a child disguised as a grown man.  

“Stay?” There’s that stupid cute frown of hers again, he thinks and he actually isn’t quite sure of the answer. Jake had a bad case of blurting out ideas before being fully sure of what said idea fully was, and this was no exception. All he knew was that Amy couldn’t leave to be alone; he couldn’t have her spend the night doing nothing.

“Uh- I… That’s not what I meant.” It kind of actually was, but he can’t force her to stay if she wants to go, which genuinely seems to be her preferred plan. “Let me follow you home - at least.” Nice save, he thinks to himself.

Her frown slowly melts away like snow on a spring day and, if he isn’t completely delusional, Jake can see a small smile rise on her lips instead and his new idea is actually a good one.

“I would lov-” her voice hitches in her throat when she accidently looks right back into her partner's eyes, momentarily thrown off track, but in true Santiago-style she makes a quick comeback. Keeps the feelings abay and packed away like a pro. “That would be nice, Jake. Thank you”.

“Cool cool cool.” Skin against skin can be heard rubbing against each other, an unusual sound, and it confuses Amy for a second until she notices that Jake’s palms are rubbing against each other. A nervous mannerism on his part that has Amy wonder why . Not for too long though. Jake is quick to save himself.  

“Let me go grab our things upstairs. We can meet on the first floor. I’ll tell everyone you feel sick.”

“Thanks, Jake. My coat is-”

“Navy blue, gold buttons and black handbag. Got it.”

So far from a question as could be, a sentence that is more matter of factly than most things Jake says, Amy can only go silent and nod in agreement. The man is very right, after all and she feels fuzzy at how seamlessly it fell from his lips. They enter the elevator in a comfortable silence and after having stepped off on the first floor, Amy can only smile to herself as she sees the elevator doors close between her and what is probably the best partner in the world. Best friend, she corrects herself, reminiscing about Jake’s words from down in the locker room.

❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄

Snow crunches under their feet, the white powder covering every street in Brooklyn, and tonight the otherwise hectic city looks abnormally peaceful. Amidst the winter wonderland, two figures make their way through the drizzling snowfall, both imagining that this is the way things, perhaps, could and should be. Alone, together the two of them, in the world.

Turns out that focusing on the story Amy is currently telling is, even though very interesting, very hard when snowflakes caught in her hair makes it look all glittery and pretty. Also soft, he thinks, and he hates that he wonders what it would feel like to run his fingers through it. Maybe as they were snuggled up on their couch, under blankets, as they watched those stupid Christas movies that he knows she loves. This trail of thoughts is a dangerous one, he’s aware. Luckily Amy herself comes to his rescue, her laughter shattering whatever parallel universe his mind was forming. Of course he laughs along even though he can safely say that he doesn’t know what he’s laughing at. Alone the sound of her laugh is enough to make him want to join. She’s contagious like that - in every way imaginable.

“Hey, Jake?”

She stops and him likewise. “Yeah?”

He turns around to catch her looking longingly at the building they’re currently in front of; a nicely decorated little café. “This place has the best cocoa. Wanna get some? My treat - now that you’re missing out on the party because of me.” She looks back at her partner for some kind of approval, shyly tugging her hair behind her ears in the process and there’s no way Jake can say no - even if he wanted to. The light coming from the café creates an aura-like effect around her figure and Jake swears to himself that she’s an actual angel.

“Sounds good. Mostly because you’re paying,” he manages to snap out of his daydream just in time to come off as nonchalant, teasing, and the two enter the warmth of the café. Inside it’s buzzing with families and couples celebrating the season in each other’s company, and Jake briefly wonders if that will ever be him sitting with a toddler in his lap, allowing it to taste its first hot cocoa as him and the mother witness it with wide smiles on their faces? And with who? Sophia, maybe? Or maybe- no. Definitely can’t go there.

“Two hot dark chocolate with marshmallows, please.”

“Dark?” Jake frowns suddenly back in present time where Amy has made it her task to order their drinks.

“Yeah, they have different kinds but the dark is the best. Trust me.”

“With my life.”

They share a smile and to everyone else in that room, or at least the ones that care enough to pay attention, they could be a couple - foolishly into each other. Before they know it they’re back outside in the cold, although they quickly forget as their respective cups of cocoa warms their hands, and soon after reach Amy’s apartment building. It feels like forever since they left the precinct, when actually, Jake notices when he checks his phone, it’s only been about an hour. Darkness does that to his already questionable sense of time.

His deed is done, he knows; Amy is home safe, and he can head back to the precinct and party with a bunch of people he doesn’t really care about. Or at least cares just a bit less about than Amy. Suddenly the urge to party, act like an idiot and get drunk surely doesn’t sound tempting - at all. Maybe it’s the few hours he’s spent hanging out alone with Amy; perhaps it’s the taste of dark hot cocoa stuck on his tongue, the one he’d moaned about “indeed being the best he’d ever had” just minutes ago… He can’t figure it out but something from within the last two hours has him hating the thought of being anywhere else but here with Amy. If he asked her to hang out outside in the snow, he would.

“So... “ Amy breaks the silence. “Thanks for walking me home… And the shirt and hoodie.You’ll have it back, washed and everything, tomorrow. Promise.”

Consistent as always, Jake thinks and smiles with amusement radiating from his eyes. “Yeah, I’m really going to need that back asap. It’s not like I have the exact same outfit, like times ten, at home… Like some cartoon animal.”

She laughs, throwing her head back and Jake feels the snow beneath him melt.

“Good to know.” She straightens back up, arms crossed to keep her warm, even though Jake is certain her smile must radiate enough warmth to keep them both warm.

“No worries.”

Silence swallows them and all there is to be heard is the sound of the forever and always buzzing Brooklyn; cars, people yelling, jingle bells, dogs barking and everything that makes Brooklyn oh so very Brooklyn.

“Sooo…” Amy shuffles on the spot nervously creating small patterns in the before solid snow. “Are headed back to the party? I bet Charles misses you.”

They share a chuckle, both well-knowing she isn’t joking.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right but... “ He hesitates to say it, nervously biting his lip as the hands in his pocket’s shuffle around for nothing at all. “I don’t think I’m gonna head back. I’m just gonna head home. Everyone’s probably all buzzed by now and I don’t think I’m up for the challenge of catching up.”

“Oh… I- uhm-”

The shuffling only grows worse and it’s as if the young woman can’t find peace, bit by bit aggravating the guilt she’s suddenly feeling - a guilt he’d never intended her to feel. “Jake, I’m so sorry if you felt like you had to skip the party to follow me home. You should've just stayed behind and had fun with everyone. I would’ve been just fin-”

“Ames.” He gently grabs her by the upper arms, stopping her from spiralling completely. “Shut up.” He makes sure to smile when he says it. “I’ve had way more fun hanging out with you than I would’ve with those bazillion strangers back at the precinct.”

He can feel her shoulders drop, relaxing, before she flashes back a smile. A snowflake lands on the very tip of her nose and Jake smiles even wider. Little does she know why. “First of all: bazillion is not a real number. Second of all: if it was then I don’t think that many people work at our precinct,” she argues with a glimt in her eye that matches the snowflakes on her face.

“How can you know if bazilion is not an actual number? A bazillion might be like.. 85?” He tilts his head in that challenging way he always does when he knows he’s got a point.

Silence.

“You might be one of the Nine-Nine’s best detectives but, my God,I swear sometimes you’re so stupid,” she finishes with an affectionate chuckles.

“No doubt.”

They both laugh it off and it’s so them, they both can’t help but think.

“Anyways… Feel free to say no, but wanna come up? We can finish our cocoas and watch a Christmas movie, maybe?”

There’s nothing he’d rather do. Without a doubt.

“I would like that.”

“Okay then,” she agrees and unlocks the door to her building. “I’m not watching ‘Die Hard’ though.”

“Aw, come on, Ames!” he whines.

“It’s not a Christmas movie and if you try to convince me otherwise, then I will prove you wrong. I have a list of arguments saved on my phone - solely for this very occasion.”

“Challenge accepted!”

They end up watching ‘Home Alone’ instead, huddled up on Amy’s couch with each their blanket and hot cocoa, a friendly distance between them, of course, and if you were to ask them, they both had the best Christmas party-evening. They laugh their way through the movie and each other’s company, no complications in sight, and how they both wish, deep down, that everyday could be like this.

The end. 

❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄

[ja-khajay]

2020-2021 Animation Watch(ed)list

I haven’t posted about animation in a while that I remember, and I know a lot of my followers are into it as much as me so I decided to make a list of the animated movies and series I watched on the past year or so, coupled with my short, spoilerless take on them. Enjoy!

Organized by

Things I saw for the first time

Things I rewatched

Under a cut for the sake of your dashboards! PS: I have not added any images yet. If you are interested in knowing more about the visuals of these movies, I might make an old fashion ask-prompted imageset list.

Part One: Things I saw for the first time

The Bear’s Famous Invasion of Sicily

Movie, 2019, Italian/French

9/10, a delightful little movie with amazing visuals. It feels like an animated picture book.

One of those “plot is in the title” media! I had never heard of this before but was heavily recommended it by my family members, who all loved it! It’s a sweet story, nothing groundbreaking but the unique colorful visual style alone makes it worth it.

The Castle of Cagliostro

Movie, 1979, Japanese

10/10. Reminded me of all the books i loved reading as a child

I assume its because it’s so old and the art style and themes are so different that it gets little to no love compared to other Ghibli movies, which is a shame! It’s fun with an endearing cast and as always, great animation and music

Mushishi

Series, 2006, Japanese

10/10 three episodes in I knew it was going to be my favorite series ever

One of the few things I’ve seen I’ll describe as life-changing. It’s absolutely lovely but never toots its own horn about it. Humble, calming, emotional and surprisingly mature. It’s pretty impossible to binge due to how intense the experience is. I just want to walk in the forest now...

FMA: Brotherhood

Series, 2009, Japanese

6/10 Dissapointing adaptation of a classic story

I read the manga for this when I was in middle school and remembered loving it. The animated version does an ok job of presenting the characters and worldbuilding and has some nice action scenes but overall looks really damn cheap and just. Not very good. Seeing I already knew most of the plot I did not have the element of discovery that made me marvel so much reading the original. It’s still a nice series but I really recommend reading it instead.

Code Lyoko (s1+2)

Series, 2003, french

3/10. 1.5 being for the opening song alone

This show sucks ass if I hadn’t been watching this with my bestie I would have dropped it two episodes in. The art style is ugly the stories are always the same and the first season has a (later removed thank fucking god) LITERAL “erase any consequences” button as a plot device in every episode. If you watch it for one thing let it be the nostalgia factor of early 00s Vidya Game Plot

The Legend of Hei

Movie, 2019, Chinese

7/10. Impressive visuals and a poor story

I finally watched this, peer pressured by the load of gifsets on my dashboard! It’s a sweet movie with really impressive animation, sometimes a bit too flashy for my taste (the action sequences go so ham they become not very readable...) but the story was just ok? The setting is barely explained and you are instead bombarded with vague epicspeech about powers and stuff that made me fondly remember Kingdom Hearts lol but that asides it’s a really good time! I need to watch more Chinese movies the few I know are just delightfully off the shits in how they approach action and I love that

Hunter x Hunter

Series, 1999, Japanese

9/10. Superior to the recent one!

I first got introduced to the series via the 2011 one. Comparatively, the 99 series focuses way less on action and way more on the characters, which I love because that fits my personal preferences! Despite mediocre filler episodes and some weird slight pointless plot changes, what it changes from the original manga doesn’t have much of an impact on the characters. The animation quality isn’t always consistent including a huge art style change for an arc (???) but it’s overall pretty nice. The series really shines in the last arc it adapts.

Oban Star-racers

Series, 2006, Japanese/french

9/10 a lovely surprise

This series is completly obscure despite having been created by people famous for their other series (Cowboy Bebop, Code Lyoko that i can name) and it’s a crime! It’s a kids show but without being stupid about it who tells the story of an inter-planetary race. If you liked that one scene in the star wars prequels you know what I mean. It’s got surprisingly nice animation for a TV series, and some truly great character design. The art style is a bit unique in a not for everyone sense, but I didn’t mind it much. It’s also THE most offensively 2000s series i’ve seen in terms of visuals. y2k kids assemble

The Little Prince and the Eight-Headed Dragon

Movie, 1963, japanese

8/10. Classic fairytale format with incredible visuals

Watched this for the art style because I know it inspired Samurai Jack, and it delievered! I dont’ have much to say about this one, it’s a very simply film but it’s sweet. For my pirates out there if you want to find it in good quality with english subtitles it’s VERY hard to find. If you just want to see the looks of it, it’s on Youtube with portugese subs.

We now enter the Gobelins Shorts Zone....!

My Friend Who Glows In The Dark

10/10 makes me cry each time

Pure delight...great animation writing everything. A little short about death and friendship but not in the way you imagine!

Colza

9/10

Visual treat...homely and nice :) not far from a 10 but a 9 because nothing about it is that groundbreaking

Sundown

9/10

If you’ve ever been ten minutes from failing a group project because of a single dude you will REALLY enjoy this. Loved the colors and personality

T’as vendu mes rollers?

10/10

It’s SUCH a sweet little short I loved that one so much

Dix-huit kilomètres trois

10/10

Surprisingly well written dialog. Visuals are great but the humanity of the characters carries this to another level

Un diable dans la poche

9/10

Amazing visuals and the most tense/creepy of Gobelin shorts i’ve ever seen. Chilling

La bestia

8/10

I had some issues with the pacing. Interesting story and visuals choices but I was not fond of the art style

Goodbye Robin

5/10

Confusing but predictable. Both at once??? Yes!

Le retour des vagues

6/10

Cool animation stuff but felt pretty pointless

                                                                ***

Part Two: Things I rewatched

Ruben Brandt: Collector

Movie, 2018, Hungarian

10/10. Underrated as hell

Watched this fully blind for the first time in an animated festival and rewatched it with friends. It’s a crime I never see anyone talking about it given the amount of whining I see about the lack of both adult animation and 2D movies? This film is a unique love letter to art in the form of a weird mix of charming crime story and psychological horror with amazing visuals. I recommend watching it blind and also buying it to show appreciation for how nice it is!!! WATCH THIS MOVIE...

Mononoke

Series, 2007, Japanese

10/10 Visual/storytelling masterpiece in the weird shit departement

If you can stomach intense stuff watch this. The visuals are incredibly unique and beautiful and under the jewel tones and art direction high takes it’s a really cool horror series. My only obstacle to enjoying it the first time I saw it was how dense it is - simply put, it’s so...culturally Japanese it’s not very accessible to me who doesn’t know anything about the culture? Watching it for the second time helped understanding the stories more! 

Corto Maltese in Siberia

Movie, 2002, french

9/10 but really close to ten. A great adaptation!

I’m a huge fan of the original comic so I entered this a biiiittttt suspicious it would suck but it was a really pleasant surprise! It has all the wonder and charm of the original and the animation was surprisingly good for the little budget. If you’re not familiar with the series, it’s a sort of geopolitical action/adventure movie but with it’s own really poetic vibe to it. It’s almost impossible to find online but happens to be fully on YouTube so go ham I guess?

Redline

Movie, 2009, Japanese

10/10 cinema was invented for this, actually

Every review of this movie i’ve seen gives it five stars and starts by talking about how immensly stupid it is. I’m no different. It’s a masterpiece of escalating energy with the depth of a puddle and it fucking rules. It’s free on YouTube too so there really is no excuse to not watch it. Watched it for the first time on a huge cinema screen and despite this my second rewatch on my small laptop was as/even more enjoyable. If you watch this stoned with friends you might travel to another dimension

Spirited Away

Movie, 2001, Japan

10/10 deserves the love it gets

I watched this a single time as a kid and had little memory of it! I mean it’s Ghibli you know it’s going to be good as hell but this one rly shines in how colorful and detailed it is and in it’s world! It made me remember I had a huge crush on the dragonboy as a kid. I’m gay now

Kung-fu Panda (1&2)

Movie, Usa

10/10. KFP fucking rules

Honestly my favorite franchise of the whole disney/dreamworks/pixar hydra. It’s fun as hell, doesn’t skip a single beat and has amazing animation and character designs. If something is a good time I will not care if it’s deep or not and boy I fucking love these movies

Sinbad, Legend of the Seven Seas

Movie, 2003, Usa

5/10 Some great some really bad and overall generic

I tend to hate american cinema and this includes that era of animation I have no nostalgia for. Sinbad is in a weird place because I love adventure stories and the visuals of the movie absolutely deliver but it’s very predictable and TANKED by the addition of the female character, pushed in your face as “look we have woman!!!” despite her writing being misogynistic as hell lol. The evil goddess rules tho. This movie would have been a solid 9 if instead of the girl the two dudes had kissed

[knives-out20]

Mistake -  Bobby & The Buddies

Fandom: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)

Pairings: Bobby Brightside (OC) x Cliff Booth, StarBeep, DeepSpace, Platonic!Geep,

Warnings: Swearing, Faggotry, Probably sad, The end is here, Unrealistic timeskipping because Cliff hasn’t physically changed much,

Notes: Finally, the KISS & The Buddies crossover finale is here! We can get back to normal form hereon after, woo! There may or may not be minor references to this series in future Clobby oneshots, but overall, this is it. Ramon Valdovinos is my newest OUATIC OC; faceclaimed by young Benicio Del Toro, he’s The Buddies’ manager. Enjoy!

Bobby poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue as he, Cliff, and the Buddies looked up at the tall members of KISS. 

For what was probably the last time- ever, or for now, was beyond him. He didn’t wanna think about it.

As long as no one insinuated the first idea (ever) to Beep and Deep, he ought to be fine. 

Bobby felt Cliff put his hand on his shoulder, the man’s touch alone helping him through whatever life was. He looked up at Starchild. “So...this is it, huh?” Bobby rhetorically asked.

Starchild tilted his head from side to side. “For the most part. With our diverging schedules and plans for our bands, we can’t take your band on tour with us. And you can’t take us with you. Besides, you weren’t gonna be our openers forever. The Buddies were bound to get separate attention sooner or later.”

Maria nodded a bit. “Fun while it lasted, though. Didn’t think the seventies could’ve been any better if our bands hadn’t crossed paths.”

“We think so, too” Gene grunted. “That’s one thing we thanked Peter for, before...y’know...”

Maria hummed in understanding, rubbing Frankie’s back.

“You sure we can’t take you guys to Australia with us?” Eric Carr, the new drummer for KISS, spoke up.

Bobby scoffed. “Ramon thinks it’s best for us to start small and work our way up. Around California, then the USA, the continent, and make our way up to a world tour” he explained.

“We’re- We’re not, like, shaming you for jumping onto a world tour, though.” Frankie held his hand sup.

“Fuck knows you guys deserve it” Peep added, eyes shining despite their dark colour.

“Thank you” Starchild smiled.

Cliff had both his hands on Bobby’s shoulders, massaging gently. “Would it make sense to thank you guys for letting Bobby’s band open for you guys these past years...?” He asked. “They were decently popular before you guys, and I feel that you kinda pushed that forward to be even more-so.”

 Starchild nodded, “it kinda would- you’re welcome.”

Bobby glanced up at Cliff, hiding a smile behind Bobby’s brown hair.

Beep, Ace, and Deep had been quiet thus far. Which was new; Ace never shut up whether it be laughing or talking, and Beep ‘n’ Deep were usually the most talkative two in the band.

Beep had his hands behind his back, feet shuffling and shifting in dead silence.

Ace picked at his costume, occasionally patting down his hair and looking up at the ceiling.

Deep held his left upper arm with his right hand, eyes glued down to his beat-up shoes.

The two bands dispersed into their own groups, Beep and Deep separately standing by themselves.

Ace approached Deep, “hey.”

Deep glanced up at him. “Hey.”

Ace cooed softly, using a finger to tilt Deep’s head up. “It’s a wonder how I’m still somehow taller than ya, huh?”

“Man-” Deep swatted his hand away, fighting back a smile. “Shut up.”

Ace trailed his hand down to Deep’s left upper arm, thumb stroking the tattoo he had gotten years back. “I can’t sneak you into any of my luggage, can I?”

“Wish y’could. But I got a double-life here, with the comedy and the band.”

“Yea, I know. I’ll ring your line, though. Through calls and letters and whatever else I can do....a mail carrier pigeon?”

Deep snorted, “you’re unbelievable.”

“Like I haven’t heard you say that enough times already.”

Deep looked up at Ace, gulping.

The corner of Ace’s lips twitched up into a slight, sad grin. “I’ll miss you while we’re down ‘n’ out ‘n’ wherever.”

“I’ll miss you too...What’s gonna happen to us?”

Ace sucked his teeth, emotions unable to hide behind his ghostly-coloured makeup. “No clue, but we’ll manage. Can’t be that hard if we keep in contact like I said earlier.”

“I guess.”

Ace clenched his jaw, thinking of what to say next.

“Think your hair will grow back next time I see ya?”

He giggled, reaching a hand up to feel his now-shorter hair. “Hope so. I know how much you like it long so you could-”

“Ace.”

“I’m joking” Ace winked playfully. “We’ll see. Think you can get it that long?”

“Never in a million years!”

Ace laughed, clapping his hands together.

The only sight Deep could ever want to see, the only one he needed. His finger traced the tattoo on his arm, it was of 'Frehley Forever’ in Ace’s handwriting.

“I’ll see you in time for your birthday, though. In November?”

“Yea.”

“I’ll see you in November” Ace chirped in a sing-song voice, earning an airy chuckle from Deep. “If not, I’ll send some stuff back to ya, a few gifts, maybe. If we’re in Australia still, maybe a kangaroo.”

Deep laughed.

Ace smiled in adoration as he leaned in, softly kissing over the tattoo on Deep’s arm before kissing Deep’s lips themselves. “Love you, Derek.”

“Love you too.” Deep mumbled, his airy chuckle turning into a typical laugh when Ace did what he always did; ruffle Deep’s hair.

Starchild and Beep looked away from the two, and back at one another. 

Beep looked up at Starchild twitching. “Y’gonna miss my tics when you’re away?” He joked.

“More than anything” Starchild played along, Beep’s eyes trailing the outline of the black star around his eye. “I’ll miss you more, in and of itself. Shame you’re not short enough to fit in my jacket and come along with us, eh?”

Beep chortled. “First time I’m too tall for something, I’ll say.”

Starchild cupped Beep’s cheek, soft to the touch. “I’ll try keepin’ in touch. I won’t give up on us if you won’t. But as the Bobby of this band-” the two shared a giggle, “I’ll most likely be distant, literally. It’ll be busy.”

“I never could.” Beep assured him, hands interlocking with Starchild’s bigger ones and giving them quick squeezes. “See if Gene can send over free KISS merchandise” he sarcastically recommended.

“I’ll think about it” Starchild winked. He pulled Beep closer, fingers tracing down Beep’s neck. “I’ll be hot blooded f’you” Starchild referenced.

Beep felt his face flush, knowing what he was referencing.

“Check it and see?”

Beep kissed his teeth, dragging his tongue across his teeth. “I’ve got a fever of a hundred and three.”

Starchild grinned, bringing Beep’s hand up to kiss it, imprinting it with a red lipstick stain.

One Beep wishes he could keep forever. He gestured for Starchild to lean down, pulling him in to imprint the red lipstick over his own lips.

Peep slunk over to Gene, looking all the way up a him. “Gene.” She bowed.

Gene exhaled through his nose. “Peep.” He returned, bowing a bit.

“If you’re gone, who’s gonna protect me from secret serial killers?” Peep inquired.

Gene groaned, shaking his head. “I’m sure your brothers can manage” he shrugged.

“Benji and Derek? Wow, you sure have higher hopes for them, don’t’cha?”

“I don’t see in ‘em what Starchild and Ace see, but, yes.”

“Well, course you don’t. What Starchild and Ace see in ‘em is what you see in Dolly” Peep reminded, though it wasn’t something Gene needed reminding of.

“Y’got that right” Gene nodded. “That aside, you’re a strong lady, Penelope. You’re more than capable of takin’ care of yourself. Ain’t that right? I mean, you’re not so scared o’me anymore, right? That’s a feat.”

Peep lightly punched his arm. “Shut up” he giggled.

Gene smiled down at her, patting the top of her head. “If you’re ever really in so much trouble, I’m sure y’know how to get to me.”

“I do.” Peep smiled. 

Gene grinned. “Y’gonna miss this?” He asked, sticking out his horrifically long tongue.

Peep groaned in fake-disgust, turning away. “Gross, this is a question for Dolly, not me-”

Gene cackled, throwing his head back a bit.

Peep smiled proudly, hands on her hips. Making Gene laugh- or so much as smile- was a rare feat she had only seen Ace achieve thus far (”look! It’s rock and roll!”).

Bobby watched the Sweeneys converse with their government-assigned KISS members (as he liked to joke), gaze flickering to the floor in melancholy.

“You okay, babe?”

Bobby reached a hand up, carefully cupping Cliff’s cheek. He hummed in response. “I dunno when we’re gonna see ‘em again, mango. What if we never have time to hang out again? What if shit goes down and we have to stop hanging up with one of ‘em, or someone breaks up with someone else and it’s all weird?” He inquired. “I dunno, I just...as much as I liked the Buddies being independent, opening for ‘em as cool as hell.”

Cliff kissed Bobby’s palm. “Somethin’ tells me this isn’t the end, Bobby. They may not be your employers or technical-band-mates anymore, but they’re still your friends” he answered, kissing the top of Bobby’s head. “And we know a thing or two about friends, don’t we?”

“All sorts’a stuff.”

“Exactly. We know lots of the outcomes that this friendship with Gene, Peter- uh, Eric now, Paul, and Ace could come to. We’re ready for any of them anyways, amirite?”

“Right.” Bobby had the ghost of a smile on his face as he craned his head up to look at Cliff, though upside down. “God, you’re my religion.”

“Love you too” Cliff purred, kissing Bobby’s nose.

Backtracking to Deep and Ace, Ace’s hand in Deep’s hair. 

Deep glanced down at his watch, literally watching as each second with Ace slipped away. Each of Beep’s seconds with Starchild. Each of Peep’s seconds with Gene. “I just wanna stay here forever.”

“Y’do?” Ace arched a brow.

“‘Cause I know in the mornin’, you’ll be gone. And the morning after  that- rats, then the next ones after that.”

Ace gulped, pulling Deep in and tightly hugging him. “Bring it in, man.”

Deep wrapped his arms around Ace’s neck, a hand in his pitch black, but godly soft hair. “Ace?”

Ace pulled away from the hug, a hand cupping Deep’s cheek. Their noses were inches apart. “Yea?”

Deep glanced down at his tattoo. “Don’t make a mistake outta me, alright?”

Ace fought back a knowing grin, simply nodding. “Never on any planet, baby.”

Beep, meanwhile, bit the edge of his lip. “Starry?”

Starchild looked down at him, “mhm?”

Beep looked at the red lips on his hand. “Don’t make a- make a mistake out of me, alright? Out of, uh, us.”

Starchild’s eyebrows furrowed together a bit. “Y’know how I say I can see into the future, Benji?” 

Beep squinted, confused. “Yea-?”

“I can say for certain that I don’t see that happening.” Starchild chuckled.

Beep slowly smiled, feeling a twinge of relief. “I love you, Starry.”

“Yea, I love you too.”

Peep tilted his head. “Gene, y’better not make a mistake out of our friendship while you’re gone.”

Gene narrowed his eyes. “How could I-?”

“I dunno, but just don’t” Peep shrugged, rolling up an imaginary sleeve.

Gene scoffed, saluting her. “Aye-Aye, Penelope.”

Bobby smiled to himself, Cliff’s hand going up and under his shirt. “I’ll miss ‘em.”

“Yea, me too” Cliff agreed. “But this isn’t the end, remember?”

“Far from it.”

[irikahkrios]

2, 3, 5!

2. You can redesign the canon outfits of three characters. Who are they? Bonus, what would your redesigns look like?

okay i'm gonna go with the obvious answer here and say miranda, jack, and samara. with the common thread being "for the love of god PLEASE let these powerful deadly women wear something other than boob straps and painted-on-looking catsuits."

for miranda it would definitely have been cool to have her in something a bit more structured and uniform-like in me2. but i know everyone and their mother has complained about miranda's catsuit, so i'm actually gonna focus on me3 and how she really should have gotten new clothes. i mean, she's in hiding, sneaking around the galaxy evading her former employers and desperately trying to find her sister, and she's....wearing the exact same very recognizable catsuit from the previous game, just with the cerberus insignia removed? i think it would have been cool to see her in something a bit less polished and put-together, and a lot less obviously recognizable. let her pull shepard aside on the citadel, a mysterious figure wearing a hooded jacket or something? maybe some sort of....asymmetrical hooded sci-fi trench coat? god i dunno. i can sort of picture it in my head but it's hard to put into words. also let her tie her hair back and wear flat shoes you cowards

this might be cheating since it's an existing outfit (but i made this ask game so whatever), but jack's alternate dlc outfit is already so much better than the Boob Strap and i would have preferred it as her main outfit. that cool sorta-punk, sorta-biker look? fucking excellent. it fits her vibe so well. the sunglasses are kinda silly and i'll admit i don't care for them, they're the one thing keeping me from putting her in that outfit every time i play (i usually will put her in it until i get her loyalty outfit though), but everything else about it is *chefs kiss*

i do like mods that put samara in the asari commando armor, i think it's definitely better than her canon armor, but i don't entirely think it fits her vibe. i do enjoy how ornate her armor is, in that aspect it really does feel like something a member of an ancient sect of warriors would wear. but the rest of the design is just......oof. as for what i would prefer, there is this one concept (in two different colors) on her page in the art book that i think is really cool, it captures that same ornate design vibe while being....a lot less grossly oversexualized.

it's still not as armored as i would like (and it still has the high heels which are a pet peeve), but it's a far more interesting design overall. i can see the lighter colored one as her regular armor, and the darker variant as the loyalty mission reward recolor.

3. Think about your least favorite character in the series. Hypothetically, what changes could be made to their character that would make you like them better?

i really wouldn't hate liara half as much if she wasn't shoved in your face to the extent that she is. the games just consistently present her as Shepard's Best Friend, as the single most important squadmate in shepard's life, and the writing generally assumes that her strong attachment to shepard is reciprocated, resulting in all this forced dialogue that makes no sense if your shepard felt neutral on her or straight-up disliked her. i would be able to tolerate liara a lot more if i could set boundaries with her. i want to be able to establish that she and my shepard are not close, and i want that decision to be respected by the games instead of being constantly railroaded into dialogue that implies a deep intimate connection that simply isn't there in my canon. the more the games pushed liara on me, the more i pushed back against her, and i'm at the point now where in my headcanon version of the games, she isn't even a squadmate in me3. i definitely wouldn't have gotten so frustrated and so actively resentful of her as a character if bioware had given me any kind of choice in how my shepard interacts with her.

5. What's a scene you would have liked to see in the series?

i want more scenes, specifically in me2, of the squadmates interacting with each other. me2 has this great setup with one of my all-time favorite tropes, the Morally Ambiguous Ensemble Cast Who All Have Fucked Up Issues, and then has the audacity to NOT do a found family plot. i want the me2 squadmates to be found family SO BAD and i end up having to write that plot in my head because the game sure as hell doesn't give it to me. i want something like the movie night scene in andromeda, something where all your squadmates get to hang out together and have banter and be a family. i want a scene that shows how this group of people has become Home. we deserved that dammit, me2 had the best squadmate roster in the series but the least amount of interactions between said squadmates and frankly i think that's a crime

admittedly we do get something kind of like this in me3 with the citadel dlc, but i would argue it isn't quite what i'm looking for, since citadel is more of a love letter to the trilogy as a whole and i would have preferred something that was just for the me2 roster. also thane is my favorite me2 squadmate and one of the characters i would be most interested in seeing interact with the others, and he's not in citadel because he's fucking dead. so, yeah.

[slade-neko]

My Thoughts on Super Smash Bros

Just something I wanted to write up since Smash Bros is one of my favorite game series and kinda got me into video games.  (WARNING: Its fairly long...)

Super Smash Bros. (N64 & Melee)

Super Smash Bros. was my first 3D game. Got it one year for Christmas when I was a little kid with a Nintendo 64. That game introduced me to video games. Before that I had only played Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt on my parents’ NES console. I wasn’t hooked on video games until I got my hands on a Nintendo 64. “Whoa! The graphics are so 3D!” It also introduced me to so many major Nintendo characters I did not know about like Link, Samus, Fox, and Kirby. It was the best gateway a kid could ask for to “get into” video games. Inevitably I ended up getting a Gamecube with Super Smash Bros. Melee as my first game on it too. Melee was great just like reliving that original feeling all over again. What made these games even more special was unlocking the characters. In a time before internet, you had no clue who was in the game and how to unlock them. The excitement of seeing that “Challenger Approaching” screen was like nothing else. A lot of your information came from questionable  sources of kids at school. Rumors with no real answers (until you get an official guide book.) No internet leaks or spoilers. Those were good times! 

One word I would use to describe the overall feel I got from Smash 64 and Melee would be Classic!

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Years later, Super Smash Bros. Brawl came out. I’m not sure why, but I really got into that game. It was probably due to the timing and circumstances. The longest wait between Smash games being Melee to Brawl was 7 years and that brought a lot of desire for a new Smash game for me. Also the memories of being a kid playing this with my friends after school on weekends, big sleepovers, using the game’s crappy wi-fi connection, good times! I also did not understand the game’s mechanics as a kid and why people hated them, so I couldn’t complain about that. The art style of the game wasn’t necessarily my favorite, but it worked well for that game. It went from the bright vivid colors of Melee to a more dull, colorless, gritty style. Best example is Ocarina of Time Link being swapped over to Twilight Princess. Oh, and the game really picked up as a lot of fun when I began modding it. Turns out Wii’s were very easy to Homebrew and Brawl was fairly easy to mod. That brought out a HUGE replay value of installing new mods, making my own mods, and all sorts of endless possibilities with the game. Getting Project M (a fan mod for Brawl that reworked the entire game more competitively) really opened my eyes to the competitive side of Smash and showed me why normal Brawl was so bad.

One word I would use to describe the overall feel I got from Brawl from its art style, orchestrated full choir theme, to its fantastic Subspace Emissary cutscenes would be Epic!

Super Smash Bros. 4 

Smash eventually died down for another 6 years until Super Smash Bros. 4 came out. Man, Smash 4 was exciting because “Hey, new Smash game!”, but seeing it in full... it was honestly very weird. The 3DS version launching first felt like a big demo... at 240 pixels... wow. (I hated 3DS for taking wonderful games like Smash, Monster Hunter, the N64 Zelda remakes and dragging them into a low resolution, portable Hell!) That aside, I forcibly played the 3DS version until the Wii U one came out. Then the true game began and well it still wasn’t the Smash I was hoping for. It was fun, some cool new characters, but some more cuts too. Questionable new game mechanics among other things that made gameplay pretty un-fun. Hearing about how the 3DS version dragged down the Wii U version was quite disheartening too like Ice Climbers getting cut because they simply would not work on 3DS and the two games just HAD to be the same was stupid. The 3DS was a horrible anchor weighing down the game. Oh, and I don’t think they had a very clear direction with the art style of this game... The Zelda characters are still Twilight Princess designs, but are now bright and vivid? It just looks weird and out of place for them. Ganondorf looks exceptionally ugly because of that. 

One word I would use to describe the overall feel I got from Smash 4 from its theme music and the whole game’s aesthetic feels very Sporty. 

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Not long after and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate came out of the dark to save the day. Ultimate is really amazing. They took the crappy Smash 4 and cut its chains from the 3DS so it could soar above and beyond. A lot of it is Smash 4 assets ported over from the Wii U to a better console, the Switch. They somehow got EVERY single character back with a ton of new ones, almost every stage, so much amazing music, and well it truly is deserving of the Ultimate title in terms of content! 

So the game is pretty great and has A LOT of content, but its still not without issues (at least for me.) This is me being overly critical with the game and my MELEE FANBOY BULLSH*T opinions coming through, but there are quite a few things I don’t like about this game. The theme music (albeit catchy) is super sappy anime bullcrap music. I don’t mean that in a negative way, despite how I worded it, IT is very sappy anime music about the forces of good fighting evil together. The World of Light mode isn’t a lot of fun at least for me it wasn’t. It wasn’t Subspace Emissary, which I know its wasn’t meant to replace it. I had the most fun with Adventure mode in Melee and would’ve preferred to have a little mode similar to that instead. Spirits are seriously just the stickers from Brawl. I frequently call them that unintentionally when playing the game. Doing Spirit Board battles is nowhere near as fun as doing nicely planned out battles like Melee’s Event Matches (nothing can top Event Match 51!) Spirit Battles are typically just jokes that can be beaten in less than a minute. Also no trophies... I understand why they chose not to because of how much work they require, but it still doesn’t mean I can’t miss them. The gameplay is definitely an improvement over Smash 4, but I still crave that fast paced action Melee/ Project M had. Heavier gravity, harder to recover, quicker to KO, L-Canceling, hit-stun and proper combo potential are all things that made faster, higher speed action. I’m not super big into the competitive scene, but even I think the faster pace of Melee-style gameplay is far more fun to play and watch. 

Then there’s issues created because the devs are pushing too much into the competitive side of the game such as picking stages first then characters second, not having the game remember my character when returning from a match, having to make new rulesets just to change a few options. I’m pretty sure these are all things competitive people want that help out in tourney situations and stuff, but I don’t like them for normal matches. These are small issues in the long run, but I am bothered by them every time I play and I don’t see them ever changing that. All they need is a few new options to fix this. Toggle an option for stage select or character select first, a quick customizable ruleset option and have saved rulesets separately, and the option to remember your fighter. Heck they could even go a step further have it remember your preferred color to each character saved to your name data like how Smash 4 3DS did (that was a cool feature!)

The one word I would use to describe Smash Ultimate is HYPE! Nothing builds hype like a Smash Ultimate trailer. Every single trailer builds more hype for this game. From the original reveal trailer with the Inklings, Ridley, King K. Rool, and now Sephiroth?! Seeing those trailers, I can’t help, but smile and get hyped up and excited! Despite my nitpicky issues I have with the game, I can still say its a pretty darn good Smash game! I applaud Sakurai, the dev team, and Nintendo for going big with this game and putting so much effort into it and I can still enjoy it even if its not quite at the exact level I want.

[carry-on-my-pretty-weeper]

Catching Lightning Chapter 23

Author: carry-on-my-pretty-weeper

Character(s): Reader, Tony, Sam, Thor, Loki, Avengers and Peter

Word Count: +1.3k

Warnings: nothing too bad, crying and stuff

Author’s Note: so this is the last chapter to the Catching Lightning series minus the epilogue but guys I can’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. just the pride that I feel right now is truly indescribable I wrote enough for it to be a book. 42 thousand words. 42 thousand! guys i’m honestly so blown away just thank you to every single person that took the time to read or leave a like or comment or follow me. you all are what make this possible because if I felt like no one wanted to read what I wrote then I wouldn’t have written anything. which also wouldn’t have given me enough experience to actually write my own book with my own original characters. so thank you. thank you so fucking much I owe you all so much.

Series Masterlist

<< 22 // Epilogue >>

You know I quite like the silence. The nothing. There’s absolutely nothing to do with it besides think about the things that could’ve been or reflect on the things that were.

Like my friends. Ned, MJ, and Peter.

My family of my Mom and Dad.

My community that stood behind me. That I protected.

One of my favorite memories was of a movie night. A movie night. Seems so mundane now but it was when I was the most happy. My friends and family surrounding me with love. MJ attached to my waist, my hand in Ned’s and my head in Peter’s lap. My parents in the kitchen cooking us some food. I can’t even remember what. Star Wars marathon on the TV capturing all of our attention. Well almost all. I couldn’t help but look around at my life. My extremely blessed life. My incredible family that I created all by myself and the family I was given that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I can’t help but think about my other family. My thrown together, last minute, mix and match family. My super family. Now that’s a family I never expected to have, but I’m grateful that I did. They could understand me in a way I didn’t think anyone would be able to.

And smack dab in the middle of all of these families is Peter. Peter Parker. The boy who I had no idea how fast I was falling in love with. I love him and I may be a bit hopeful but I’m sure he loves me too. I was- I was going to tell him. When was the last time I saw him? In the compound? No that’s not right. I - I can’t remember. Why can’t I remember? I do remember laying across his stomach and I was...upset. Th-Then...oh shit.

Water droplets start to fall on your face confusing you. Where were you? Standing up you’re at the place where the agent burst. Looking down you see Peter but he’s crying. You try to tap on his shoulder but your arm goes through. “No, no, no, no,” you start whispering as you move to his side where you see yourself. Am I dead?! Oh no. God no. Please no! You realized that the water droplets from earlier were Peter’s tears hitting your face. “Peter? Peter can you hear me?!”

“Lady Y/n?” Thor asks as he emerges from the hallway with Loki supported by him.

“Can you see me?”

“Of course we can see you, why wouldn’t we be able to?” Loki scoffs as Peter lifts up his head.

“Who are you talking to?” he whimpers with furrowed eyebrows. This surprises the two of them before they see your body lying close to Peter.

“That’s why,” you huff as you sit next to Peter.

“Lady Y/n, she’s right next to you,” Thor responds to Peter as he becomes angry.

“Can’t you tell she’s-she’s-” He can’t even get his words out before choking on a sob.

“She’s not in fact. She’s just unconscious, we’re talking to her conscious right now,” Loki reveals Peter looks at Loki suspiciously before looking down at you.

“Tell me something...that only she would know,” he demands as he wipes his tears. Loki looks at you expectantly.

“Say she says that you used to be a chubby faced child who wanted to be Iron Man when he grew up,” you say as Thor repeats it.

“That could be anyone-”

“Also say he named his Tony Stark teddy bear I gave him last year Irondad!” Thor repeats this as well. Peter takes in a shaky breath and looks down at you.

“Where,” he begin before sniffling, “Where is she?” Loki’s points at you and Peter looks in your general direction. He places his hand on the ground and you place yours over his. “How do we get her back?”

“She just has to be woken,” Loki states as Peter scoffs.

“I’ve already tried that it didn’t work,” Peter says defensively as he retracts his hand.

“Allow me to try something,” Thor interrupts before Loki and Peter get into a snarking contest. Peter stands aside as Thor places his hand over your chest and administers a small shock. You immediately shoot up from the floor and almost knock heads with Thor. “Fantastic! I didn’t think that would work!” Thor admits with a grin. Loki rolls his eyes but you weren’t even paying attention to them because you launch yourself into Peter’s arms.

“You fucking scared me. Promise me you won’t ever do that again,” Peter pleads as you laugh.

“Save your ass? Sorry sir but that’s my job,” you joke as he gives you a playfully angry look.

“You better find yourself a new profession or I’ll have a heart attack.” Remembering your inner monologue from before you act on it.

“Peter, I like you a lot. Hell, I fucking love you. I don’t want to die with you never knowing-” You’re cut off by Peter’s lips on yours. You relax into his arms and kiss him back fiercely. He liked you! He liked you back!! You never thought that this would ever happen. I guess almost dying gave you the balls you needed to tell him. Which was definitely paying off right now.

You were both cut off by Loki clearing his throat. “As lovely as this is should we not be finding our way back to your little team?” Loki teases as your cheeks burn a bright crimson but you really didn’t care.

Thor helps you and Peter stand up. Once situated you fasten your right arm around Peter’s waist while he throws his left arm over your shoulder. You reach up to holding his left hand with yours accidently giving him a little shock. Snapping your head up you catch his gaze with yours.

“Do you think...maybe?” you question not even finishing your sentence but he understood.

“Maybe,” he replies before Loki interrupts.

“No doddling we need to find the others,” he responds with a disgusted face. You two were being too lovey dovey for his taste. “Ugh, children,” mutters causing the two of you to try and hold back your laughter. God you missed this.

When you found the others you got one hell of a scolding on the quinjet. It alternated between mainly Tony and Steve but the others got a couple words in. Thor attempted to explain that you had Loki as a chaperone before he could get out more than a few words the entire team turned on both of them. First Loki for leaving the compound, taking me with him, and not telling anyone and Thor for letting it all happen.

But when everyone finally calmed down we all participated in a much needed group hug. Then some avengers wanted their separate hugs with you and Peter. “I’m glad you’re safe kid. You had all of us worried,” Tony says to Peter before facing you. “And I know this isn’t the best thing to say to someone who heavily broke the rules but you did good kid. You did real good.” He pulls the two of you into another hug.

“Thanks Tony,” you reply as Peter does the same.

Finally the quinjet lands back at the compound and as soon as you get out you’re immediately tackled by your brown and white buddy who quite literally takes you to the ground. Sparks start licking your face like crazy and doesn’t let up. Not even when you playfully push her away. Just when you thought she was done she pounces for Peter. He lets out a surprised shout before similarly being tackled to the ground.

“Come on Sparks,” you say as you easily lift her up catching you by surprise. Peter lifts an eyebrow before getting up. “Let’s uh, let’s go inside,” you declare as he walks by your side.

You hear Sam before you’re out of ear range, “Since when did they know each other that well?” 

Honestly you couldn’t tell if he was talking about Sparks and Peter or Peter and you. But regardless you made a mental note to tell them about it later. For now you were content with keeping them a bit clueless and just content overall. Peter was safe. You were safe. What more could you ask for?

Tags:

@stevieboyharrington, @fandomlover03, @markusstraya, @speggehi, @thetimidsarcasticcat, @condy-wants-a-cookie, @feline-space, @wipplog, @ink-and-tea, @-thatgirloverthere-, @mysteriouslysharkbait, @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy, @absmiles123, @tienna-laufeyson16, @give-jack-a-lightsaber, @musical-doll-x, @joe-mazzello-is-my-dad

[3w-writer-with-wings]

Character post: Aoi Zaizen

Why I like them/why I don’t:

Out of all Yu-Gi-Oh girls so far, Aoi feels the most relatable of them all. She is a lot like a grown-up version of Luna/Ruka from 5Ds with a similar mannerism and personality. Aoi has a really timid nature and the fact that she is so sheltered by Akira that she feels he doesn’t even trust her hits home hard. But what I really love about her is her development. She learns from her mistakes and tries to become the best version of herself. The actions she takes in order to change herself don’t always play in her favour and even then she keeps on trying. Aoi represents exactly what you should do if you face failure in life – make changes and learn from your mistakes. Unlike Go, she never succumbed to her own insecurities and rather used them in order to change for the better. While she may appear pretty naïve and stubborn at first, you can really see how she slowly transforms into a person she always wished to be.

She is also a good representation of a celebrity with depression. The episode that showed her life outside VRAINS nearly broke my heart. From the way she talked with Yusaku and members of duel club, to how she just ran away after Yusaku asked her about Akira and how she was lying on bed looking like she was about to cry… it was just hard to watch considering there are people who are actually suffering the same way. But then she logged in VRAINS and instantly became a bubbly Charisma Duelist to entertain people. While a lot of people compare Go to Yuya, I actually see Aoi to be more like Yuya. Her Blue Angel persona is just like Yuya’s goggles, a mask she hides behind to cover up her tears and she presents herself as someone who is always smiling.

When her wings broke after her loss to Yusaku… it just perfectly represented how she finally broke down a lot like how Yuya lost to Reiji and Jack. At that point, I was really afraid she would follow the same road that Go did in season 2 – her insecurities and depression getting the best of her, but she didn’t. No, instead she put some thought about it before she did anything. When her fans were bashing her name, it seemed like she was going to break again. Thank God Emma came to her rescue! What I love about her relationship with Emma the most is the fact that she is the kind of a person that Aoi always needed. Once Miyu was revealed it also made me realize why Aoi had a hard time finding friends – she was afraid of being separated from a friend and didn’t want to be hurt by it again. Emma let her know that she’ll be always on her side and this was the encouragement that she needed to make a step further.

Her style of duelling is also one of my favourites – the burndown strategy. When she was duelling that AI who had the same technique and they were burning each other’s LP down like crazy was really entertaining to watch. I was a bit disappointed once she no longer used that technique, though I liked that she acknowledged it as something that needs to be improved. In overall her character is just as complex as Yusaku’s and I’m glad that it was explored a lot.

The only downside to her character is how her character is treated. Unfortunately, female characters are something that Shin Yoshida doesn’t know how to handle and this plays a big part in her representation. She had many losses that downgraded her lot. While she made a very big comeback in season 2 as Blue Maiden she also had a big downfall as well. In other words, Aoi’s character deserved so much more but was unfortunately pushed aside many times.

What I like about their appearance

The fact that she has so many avatars! I actually cosplayed Blue Angel and this was one of the most difficult cosplays I’ve ever made, but I in no way regret it since it is a very cute outfit and I’ve learned so many cosplay-making techniques while making it. I also really like how each avatar in a way presents one part of her. Blue Angel is her childhood dream, a hero she wanted to become. Blue Girl represents her desire to be like Ghost Girl and make a change. And Blue Maiden is her embracing all of herself and honourably joining Team Playmaker. Her avatars give this Magical Girl feel that combine her kind nature with power in order to save the world. While magical girl anime portrays that more ribbons, sparkle and skirts equals more power, Aoi’s avatar changes are the exact opposite, showing that sometimes less can be more.

And the part I love the most and was the most difficult to make? Her wings! I think I spent nearly three whole days just figuring out how to make those wings stand! In the end, I used some very thick wires, extra strong duct tape and a handmade posture supporter to keep it still. And it was so worth it! I was a bit sad that Blue Girl didn’t have wings, so when Blue Maiden’s wings were shown I was excited as hell! I also really like her twintail hairstyle since I tend to wear my hair in this style too. When I cosplayed Blue Angel not that many people recognized the character, but those few who did really liked it and one of them even showed me all of the Trickstars he had in his deck! I had a really wonderful experience as Blue Angel and I even won the third place in cosplay contest! To conclude – I love absolutely everything about her appearance and I wouldn’t mind cosplaying her or her other avatars again!

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?

While I really like the name Skye, it kinda sounds off for Aoi. I’ve grown really used to her original name so when her dub name was revealed… it just didn’t sound like her. I guess it could work as her user name since Skye goes well with her avatar’s wings, puffy skirt and blue colours like a short nickname for Blue Angel. Aoi is also the name of a hollyhock flower that represents the cycle of life which nicely symbolizes the changes that Aoi went through when changing her avatars and overall personality.

OTP

Definitely Miyu or Takeru, hard to decide. Miyu was introduced really late in the series and didn’t get that much screen time or backstory and yet it was enough to give away all necessary information about her. I made many theories why I thought Aoi was Aqua’s origin and in a way, she is - all because of Miyu. While all cheerful and caring, Miyu could’ve been lonely and even if she wasn’t, she choose to befriend someone who was. It is not clear how long the two of them were friends, though it most likely not long and yet out of all people, Miyu choose Aoi to be her anchor. Aqua basically represents Miyu’s love for Aoi and I’m sure that once Aoi gets to meet Miyu it will be a very emotional reunion. 

Then there’s Takeru and let’s face it, he is the kind of a character that can be shipped with anyone and it would still work. Still, I genuinely believe he has a secret crush on Aoi. When he passed Aoi in school, he didn’t appear to have much interest towards her though that could be because that was the first time he saw her as Aoi and not as Blue Angel. The duel they had as Soulburner and Blue Girl was pretty entertaining to watch and the encouragement he gives her in the end was very well-meaning and kind. The second time he meets her in real life is completely different as he approaches her right away and introduces himself. Considering how shy Takeru can be it is very unlikely he would do that with just anyone, so the fact that he did that with Aoi shows that he is interested in becoming her friend. Kiku said that he is not much of a friendly person, so the fact that he approached someone else besides Yusaku really says a lot. Their relationship would really work as they both love duelling and testing themselves. I hope that they get to have a tag duel one time together as they could really fit each other well despite representing opposite elements (water and fire) since this could be the first time for such combination in a tag duel. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for a tag duel in the third season since I really enjoyed Aki and Crow tag duel in 5Ds and this could give some nostalgia.

NOTP

At first I didn’t know this even existed, but Aoi and Akira ship just feels wrong on so many levels. I know they aren’t blood-related but they are still siblings. While I really like their sibling relationship, romantic one would completely ruin it, especially how canon it actually felt during the first season. Like Aoi would use –sama for her brother which is reserved for masters and bosses, like she is super inferior to him and the whole reason why she went to duel Yusaku was so she could impress him, which resulted in her falling in coma. Even if they weren’t siblings, Aoi is still a minor and Akira is ten years older than her. At times Akira also acts a lot like her father which would make their romantic relationship that much worse.

I dislike romantic Aoi and Emma ship for the same reason. While I absolutely love their sisterly bond, the thought of them having something more just doesn’t feel okay. Maybe if Aoi was older like over 18 or in early 20s then it could work better. Even if Aoi would have feelings for Emma and she would want to start a relationship with her, I imagine Emma would tell her to wait. Emma is the kind of a person, who has no problem breaking a law, but getting in a relationship with a minor is something she wouldn’t do. I have no doubt that she loves Aoi like her little sister or a young partner in crime so a romantic relationship would pretty much ruin this nicely developed relationship.

OT3

Aoi, Miyu and Aqua! I don’t know why, but this trio just warms my heart. There’s no doubt that all three of them care about each other a lot and would form a really nice relationship with each other. In my perfect reality, both Aqua and Aoi come visit Miyu after everything is over, and together they create new VRAINS avatars in order to spend time with Aqua who is pretty much their lovechild. I see this trio to work in both platonic and romantic way since the three of them show nothing but kindness and care towards each other.

Favourite card they use

Marincess Crystal Heart. I already liked the concept of Crystal Heart, the fact that it symbolized Aqua’s and Earth’s love and that they did everything to keep it from being destroyed in the field. What truly made me love it even more was when Aoi used it in a duel against Bowman and empowered it. I believe that the heart still represents Aqua’s and Earth’s love and the water spirit protecting it is Aoi, protecting them both. From the start of their meeting, Aoi has been keeping Aqua safe and Marincess Crystal Heart perfectly represents that.

Favourite moment they were in

Her duel with Haru. After so many losses, the duel with Haru was the best comeback for Aoi. The character she has been building finally came into action and I absolutely enjoyed watching that duel. From the new archetype Marincess to how she stood her ground against Haru’s hurtful words - Aoi made it clear: she is back and ready to kick some ass! The new strategy, her partnership with Aqua and that badass skill when her wings showed up! And how she outright obliterated Haru’s LP! It was just amazing and it showed how far she has come. At that point, it really seemed like Aoi was set to win more duels...

Least favourite moment

... which is why her loss to Bowman was so sad. While it was no way as humiliating as her loss to Playmaker, Specter and Soulburner, it was still terrible. Bowman is disgustingly overpowered character and the fact that he used so many moves that were outright cheating really downgraded Aoi’s and Aqua’s character. I would be fine if Bowman defeated her with a good strategy, but no he used a literal asspull effect like he did the whole duel. He even tried to scare her and for a moment I thought Aoi would give in. Luckily she didn’t and I was so proud of her. Even the act of “mercy” was a very cheap move since Bowman is a freaking hypocrite and he probably used it just so he could feel better about losing Haru. 

Back then when I was still hopeful about Aoi’s further character development I wrote a theory why she was capable of defeating Bowman with very good arguments and how it could play out well in the final conclusion of season 2. (it is here if you wish to check it out  https://3w-writer-with-wings.tumblr.com/post/182925730720/lightnings-plans-and-why-i-believe-aoi-will  ). I was really disappointed when Bowman won using the cheap moves since it looked like writing staff pushed away Aoi’s promising future for the sake of having Bowman win at all cost.  

Would I fuck, marry or kill them

Can I just be her friend? Cuz really if I were to meet Aoi in real life, I would just hug her and take her out for ice cream or coffee and talk with her, letting her know that she is an amazing person and that she should never doubt herself cuz she is doing a great job at improving herself. I would likely be one of those Blue Angel fans in the crowd during her duels, holding banners with encouraging words or I would be writing a blog dedicated to her in order to support her, pretty much the same thing that I’m doing now. ;) If someone would bash her name and accuse her of things she didn’t do or weren’t her fault, you bet I would write a freaking essay similar to the one I made in order to defend Yusaku when someone made a youtube video ranting how boring he is. 

Aoi Zaizen deserves more recognition and hopefully, she gets to shine more in the third season. 

[twilightvolt]

Twilight Thoughts (BEASTARS First Season Overview + General Thoughts and Feelings)

Ok, after watching the season finale (and proceeding to freak the frig out over that after credits scene), i think i’ll just talk about my overall thoughts about this first season since i picked it up back in October. think of this as my final thoughts on the series for awhile until season 2 drops. though, i don’t think i’ll be doing something like this in particular again. we’ll see.

So, this was a series that i was a tad hesitant on looking at years ago since the art style kinda deterred me a bit. but after the anime was announced, i decided that that would be the time i give it a shot. and i gotta say, i was surprised. like, i had my hopes a little high cuz of Zootopia, but i didn’t expect ANY of the crazy stuff that happened over the course of this first season. like, none of the trailers ever showed any of Haru’s uhh....naked moments or the black market stuff (aside from Gouhin) so had i known about that, i think i might’ve quickly noped outta there. but since it came to me as it happened, i was already so invested in this strange world and it’s characters that i just dealt with it and kept going. and i think that’s something i definitely needed since if imma be honest, i haven’t watched that much anime in recent years.

Yeah, i marathoned Noragami (which i loved to bits and am sad there’s no season 3) and kept up with Boruto and My Hero for awhile last year. and i liked Fire Force and Black Clover this year. but for some reason, Beastars just.....sparked something that made me eagerly anticipate it’s new episodes every week. from beginning to end, i was hooked. not one episode felt like it wasn’t necessary or like it was padding to fill out the season (and even if it was, i like these characters so much that i honestly wouldn’t mind as explained on my meme blog). the plot twists made me genuinely shocked, the goddamn cliffhangers had me at the edge of my seat excited (and in some cases, worried but in a good way) for what was to transpire in the next episode and any preconceived notions i had going into this were just thrown out the window cuz of how things turned out by the end of it. it was such a wild ride that it actually pushed me to want to read the original material. and that almost NEVER happens.

This show got me thinkin’ like a crazy shipper too what with all those cute and crazy moments between the characters (ex. literally anyone with Legoshi) and hell, i even feel like this is the one show in existence where i actually kinda feel like an OT3 is very much plausible. lmao

Like, i’m a very emotional person when it comes to consuming media. i let myself feel what’s going on no matter what i watch/play because i know that’s what the people who created these stories would want me to experience. and trust me, i’ve felt a LOT of emotions during this show. especially if anything happened to Legoshi. like, when he gets pissed, i felt worried about him. when he cries, i genuinely feel the pain he feels and wish that things would just lighten up on him for once. like, with most protagonists, i tend to end up moving to a different character cuz usually they’re just written pretty basically (Asta from Black Clover), they’re one note (Davis from Digimon 02) or they’re silent protagonists being molded by the player’s choices (the Persona protags). for example, i like Sora from Kingdom Hearts, but i luv Roxas much more because of his story and all the pain he goes through because of Sora. also Sora in KH3D was such a dumbass and i’m sdadfdfsdf

But with Legoshi, i don’t get that. i get a Roxas tier character that i want so bad to see get a happy ending. i get a protagonist that i would actually choose over the other members of the cast (even though i absolutely luv Louis, Jack and Haru as well for various reasons. hell, it’s hard to even say i hate Juno cuz despite her Rise-level attempts to get into Legoshi’s pants, she has respectable ambitions.) that grows from this socially awkward guy who’d rather keep things lowkey to this badass that would fight through a gang of lions just to show the one he cares about how much he wants be with her and to make amends for almost killing her the night they met and that just hits me in the heart in a way i am totally here for.

Now, over the course of this season’s run, i’ve been making a ton of fanart (some of which is still in the works at the time of this post) and for the first time, i’ve been liveblogging like this. i’m happy that my time in the fandom for this series, while still growing, has so far been a very welcoming experience. everyone i’ve met so far has been encouraging of my content and, coming from fandoms like Digimon where i’ve kinda been scarred by Deviantart discourse, it’s really brought up my spirits. like, i know a lot of you probably don’t like and/or care about reading these walls of text, but i appreciate anyone who does take the time to hear me ramble about this strange gem of a show. hell, me talking and drawing about it has gotten a few of my friends to watch it and honestly, i’m glad. i would totally love more people to talk about it cuz Beastars deserves to be talked about. under all those slightly sexual undertones lies some of the best writing i’ve seen in awhile and i can’t wait for season 2 to continue this story.

And after all this, i just wanted to thank you for reading up to this point. again, this’ll probably be the last liveblog for awhile, but i definitely won’t stop drawing stuff for this series. for those who only follow me for my Beastars stuff, i hope you’ve had a happy holidays and i hope you have a happy new year as well.

See you again! ^  ^

[simsadventures]

Not Me: Chapter 1: Sweet, Sweet Life

Summary: You always wanted the perfect life- great husband, fulfilling job, and overall happiness. What if you can’t have even a bit of your fairytale?

Warnings: angst, swearing, implied smut, memories (in italics)

Word Count: 2074

A/N: The first ever chapter of Not Me is finally here! Im so excited about this story, and I seriously can’t wait for you all to read it. Let me know what you think so far, and what do you expect from this little story? The ride has only just started, and it will get spicier as we go along, I promise xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

The sun was shining through the blinds, and you groaned loudly. Another day in your personal nightmare. You tried to snuggle into the pillows harder, willing your sleep to come again and take you for at least another few hours, so that you wouldn’t have to face the world. And by the world, you meant your husband, James.

Just the thought of him made a shiver run down your spine, and not the good kind. You didn’t even know how you got to that position. There used to be times when James was all you could think of.

You were at high school together, buddies, thanks to your fathers owning a publishing company together. You were a freshman, and he was a senior, but that didn’t stop you from spending a lot of time together. You used to piss off your fathers too often for your own good, whenever there was a banquet or some other fancy shit, you and Bucky would always find a way to make it at least a bit enjoyable for the two of you.

You had each other to hold on to, and that was enough. You both went to a different university, Bucky attending Yale, while you went to Brown. It was during this time that you grew apart, having different goals in life, and life choices as well. But your crush was still strong as ever at that time.

James had this ability to draw people to them. You could even pinpoint the exact thing that made him so charming because there were so many of them. His eyes, his deep, gruff voice, his physique, which would get any girl to her knees, or his charm. But you knew he wasn’t interested in you that way.

While you saw Bucky partying every second possible, you were more the studying type. Not that you didn’t have your fair share of wild parties, making you wake up in Canada instead of your home. But you were a passionate reader and student, and so when the crucial times came, you knew how to use your brain. And form what you heard, with Bucky’s party habits, he had to pay somebody to take all his exams. That was the only plausible option in your mind.

You only saw each other during summers, when you both worked for Barnes&Clark, your fathers’ company. And while Bucky was much more interested in all the sexy secretaries, you were impressed by all it entailed to be a businesswoman. You sat with Mr Barnes and your father in their meetings, they even seemed to listen to you while you spoke about your ideas of new ways of getting books to young people.

It was close to your graduation that your life turned completely, and, at the time, you thought for the better.

There was a knock on your door, and you frowned. It was Thursday evening, and you weren’t expecting anyone. What was even weirder that the person was already in the building, without ringing the bell from the front door. You cautiously went and looked through the peep-hole, only to be utterly surprised.

You opened the door, a confused frown on your face.

“Bucky. To what do I owe the pleasure?” You asked him, stepping aside, to let him inside.

He didn’t say anything, just stepped in and waited for you to take him further inside your apartment. When you led you to the sofa and sat down, you raised your eyebrows, indicating that he really should start explaining what it was he wanted.

“Look, Y/N. We’ve known each other for a long time, and I’ve been thinking, recently, and I reached a decision in which, I hope, you’ll support me.”

You still didn’t say anything, not sure where he was going with it. You haven’t heard from him in months, and so it was peculiar as to why he suddenly came knocking on your door.

Without any other word, he got on his knee and pulled out a white velvet box from his pocket. Your eyes were suddenly the size of a cartoon character, and you were pretty sure they now occupied most of your face.

“W-what? Bucky are you drunk? Or are you fatally ill? What the hell are you talking about?” You asked him, on the verge of a mental breakdown. This couldn’t be happening. Sure, you liked him and sure, you did try to write Y/N Barnes a few too many times before. But you were both young, 24 and 27 years old, and you sure as hell weren’t ready for marriage.

“I prioritise doll. I know it sounds crazy, but think about it. I know you have been single for far too long, and you’re never comfortable around any other guy than me. I’ve had my fair share of fun, and now I’m ready to settle down. And with whom better than you? We used to be best friends, and I think you never really grow from that kind of bond. Just think about it, will you?”

You were looking in those icy blue eyes, and for a weird reason, you saw the desperation in them and a hint of anger. You couldn’t be too sure, because you haven’t seen him for so long, but he had one thing right. You never really grow out of that bond. You thought he did, but obviously, he was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him.

“I’ll need some time, and I think we should spend some time together if you want to marry me, don’t you think?”

A flash of something you weren’t able to recognise ran through his face, but as soon as it appeared, it was gone, and you weren’t really sure what it was.

“Sure, can I stay tonight and we can watch a movie, or something, huh?” He asked, without a hint of a smile, and you enthusiastically nodded. After all, this was something you dreamed of quite often, to be completely honest.

It went like this for a while, you and Bucky spending evenings together, and after one particularly fun evening, full of gin and tonics and tangled sheets, you finally gave him your answer.

“I will marry you Bucky, if it’s still something you want, I think we could be really good together,” you whispered against his naked chest, laying almost on top of him in your bed. He hummed, patted your shoulder and got up from the bed.

You looked at him confused, trying to determine if you said something wrong, but he only pulled the velvet box out of the pants that were laying abandoned on the floor and slipped the massive diamond ring on your finger.

“Good. Now sleep so we can plan the damn thing,” he said in a hushed voice, got dressed, and left you laying on the bed, naked and exhausted from the amazing sex you just had, confused as hell.

And that’s how your marriage pretty much started. Despite Bucky leaving that day, you were pretty excited about the whole ordeal, and so was your and Bucky’s family. The only unexcited party seemed to be Bucky, but you thought it was just his face, nothing serious.

But after a year of marriage, you realised that it probably wasn’t just his face. When he was around his Uni friends or his colleagues, his demeanour changed drastically.

He was joyful and funny, and always the life of the party. But when you two were alone, he was brooding and looked pissed 99% of the time.

You thought you’d have everything you ever wished for. Happy family, amazing husband, and a dream job. But things aren’t always the way we want them.

Your amazing husband rarely ever spoke to you, and when he did, it was to point out a flaw on you.

You shouldn’t talk so loudly. Your language isn’t lady-like. I don’t like it when you wear sweatpants, I think you should look nice even at home. This steak isn’t medium-rare. This make-up is too much. Stand and be pretty. Blah blah blah.

You tried to do all he said, trying to be the best wife for him, because you still had the idea of Bucky loving you, and wanting to spend his life with you. But every sentence like this created a gash in your heart, and by the first anniversary, you thought your heart was just a shredded piece of muscle, unable to function any more.

What broke you down to your knees, was, however, a different kind of message, delivered to you by Bucky and your father.

“James will lead the company, he has most of the rights to Barnes&Clark, and we think it would be great if you were a stay-at-home wife like you were supposed to be from the very beginning. Look, Y/N, you are a woman, and those shouldn’t be heads of the company. You understand that, don’t you?”

You were in total and complete shock. He trained you your whole life, to be the CEO, or at least the head of the publishing, while somebody else would take care of the numbers. But now he was telling you that your dream was vanishing right in front of your eyes.

“But, but, dad, I thought you-“

“How about you stop thinking and just be a pretty thing, sweetie?” Your father asked you mockingly, and to your utter surprise, Bucky laughed as well, patting your father’s shoulder.

You wanted to run away in tears, because every time you tried to speak up, either your father or Bucky would shush you. By the time the meeting ended, your eyes were filled with tears, but you didn’t want either of the men seeing this weak side of yours.

When you left the company’s building with Bucky by your side, you were shaking with both sadness and anger.

“Are you seriously with him on that, Bucky?” You asked, desperation evident in your voice. But the look Bucky gave you made you regret that you even asked him anything.

“Of course, I agree with him. You have to take care of our household, and not be busy with business. Oh, and, by the way, I would prefer it if you called me James, from now on.”

It felt like he pushed a dagger deep inside your guts. He let everyone call him Bucky, he would always say that it just felt better when the people around him called him Bucky. And now he wanted you, his wife, to call him James?

You sighed again and sat up in your bed. Ever since you moved in, you had separate bedrooms, James telling you he needed his rest to run the company. And even if you wanted to protest in the very beginning, you gave up. Like on many things in your life at the moment.

You used to have dreams, you used to be ambitious, but this life took everything from you. You rarely ever had sex with James- he would always tell you how tired he was and that you should be tired as well. And if you weren’t, it meant you weren’t doing enough through the day.

You learned how to cook, how to bake, how to sew, how to have the perfect garden, but it still wasn’t impressive enough for James to spare a kind word for you.

And neither did you father. He would always only remind you to be a good wife to James and to leave the rest to the men, and by your first anniversary, you believed all of those things, your self-respect pretty much non-existing.

You got up from the bed and headed towards the closet, to put on something representative to not give James any reason to pester you. You took a quick shower and put on some make-up, knowing full well that James was against the natural beauty look. You put on high-waisted wide pants and a blouse, trying no to look too shabby even if you were only going down to the kitchen to make James a breakfast.

When you came into the kitchen, he was already there, sitting by the table, reading news on his phone. He didn’t even spare you a look, and you sighed, walking towards the kitchen isle. It would be just another day in your hell, and you couldn’t do anything about it. Or, at least, you thought you couldn’t.

/Next Chapter >

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[neuxue]

Before you get to the arc payoffs, I think it would be cool if you could illustrate your thoughts on the journeys the main characters have gone on to get to this point. Like, your thoughts on their consistency and what you think worked and didn't work, aside from Perrin's plotline temporarily dying and Mat disappearing for a book.

This is an excellent question and I could probably take several weeks to compile an answer but I’m going to answer it now because I am an adult who is entirely in control of her life and her choices especially regarding fiction, fictional characters, and the discussion thereof.

‘Main characters’ is a rather flexible definition in WoT so I’ll start with the original set from EotW and go from there, and we’ll see how far I get.

(Okay it turns out I only got through the Emond’s Field group, becasue I’m me and I can’t just write a sentence or two for each one, but I might try later to do the same for some other characters)

Rand al’Thor: Rand’s character arc, and the way it’s executed, is fantastic. He definitely benefits from the sheer length of the series (well, his arc does; he just suffers), because it allows for a nuanced, complex, thorough character journey from farmboy to broken hero, from human viewpoint protagonist to distant focal point around which everything spirals, from determined trusting optimist to desperate half-mad fatalist. Any of those transitions can be and have been done in shorter wordcounts, but the length of the series, and the way everything about what Rand does and goes through escalates a little (or sometimes a lot) with each book, gives his arc this feeling of an inexorable pull, of compounding pain, of just a series of small steps, each only a little further than the next. 

When you have 12 books (so far) to do that with, you can end up a huge distance away from where you started, without it ever feeling like too great a jump. Each ‘level’ (either of what he has to endure or what he himself does and becomes) is gradually normalised over time; he and the reader acclimate, so then it’s time to step up to the next. Put The Last That Could Be Done after, say, Falme, and it would still hurt but it would feel almost like too much (and also not enough, because it would lack the weight and momentum of everything that came before). Instead, you get to watch the slow unravelling of a character even as his power grows, tension building, until (like his ancestors the Aiel) he becomes all but unrecognisable as who he was at the start, but every step along the way feels like just another step, until a single step is all it takes to push him off the cliff his narrative has spent the better part of twelve books building for him.

I also love the way Jordan has played with POV in this particular arc, with Rand going from the main viewpoint character to barely having a POV. It suits the way he goes from being a protagonist beginning his journey to becoming the centre of a whirlpool that expands to encompass the entire world, as well as how he goes from being very young and human and real to… “I don’t know how human the Dragon Reborn can afford to be,“ to just dragging himself and the world to the Last Battle. He loses POV chapters because he no longer sees himself as a person with agency or even the right to his own mind – which, too, is invaded and eroded as time goes on, again fitting well with the decrease in POV chapters: his mind is literally no longer his own, nor – he believes – is his life.

I expect his to be one of the arcs with the greatest catharsis in its payoff, just because there’s so much that’s built up over time; the potential energy, if you will, is huge, and at some point it has to be released, and while building it took 12 books and counting, there’s…not all that much time left, so it’s going to be released in a far shorter time than it was built, and if anyone remembers anything from physics class, that means it’s going to hit with a hell of a lot of force.

Also okay in my head this was going to be maybe a paragraph or two per character so uh….

Egwene al’Vere: Another character arc I absolutely love, because she grows so much. She goes from strong-willed village girl seeking adventure and trying adulthood on for size to young woman finding her place in the world to true Amyrlin in strength and understanding and maturity. She’s allowed to make mistakes; and throw herself wholeheartedly into things the way so many of us do when we’re still figuring out who we are; and then smooth all of those pieces together into somoene who is still herself; but a more experienced, older, wiser, stronger version of herself. She grows up, in a very real sense, and we get to watch that play out in a way that isn’t always smooth and isn’t always perfect, but feels very real.

I’ve also talked a few times about how the main difference between her and Rand, beneath all the parallels drawn between them, is that in terms of their heroic arcs, she chooses while he is chosen. It’s something I love about Egwene’s arc and her character overall – she’s allowed to be ambitious and to want things and strive for things, and is rewarded for it rather than shut down.

She asks the world for a chance to be more, and it demands a great deal from her in return, but she rises to the challenge at each step, and then takes the next one, and then the next – like Rand, a gradual change that seems small at any given point but is huge overall – but for all that she leaves her home behind, she never loses who she is. And some of that means she keeps some of her flaws, and makes some mistakes along the way because of those flaws, and that’s…permitted, and taken into her overall arc.

And the way her arc is drawn parallel to Rand’s, in a way that draws similarities and yet simultaneously highlights the differences in how they approach these similar things, is excellent and, I think, enhances both of them as a result.

Mat Cauthon: Here’s an arc that I feel is a bit uneven or inconsistent. Some of that fits who he is – the rogue, the trickster, the one who is by his very nature inconsistent except for the aspects of him that are absolutely constant (his commitment to keeping his promises, for instance). So to some extent you don’t expect his arc to follow the same pattern as a more ‘standard’ heroic archetype. This archetype demands a bit of freedom and flexibility to play around with and sometimes flip on its head.

And I think that works well for him from TDR through TFoH. There, we watch the push-pull of denying his fate yet remaining loyal to promises and friends, telling himself he wants no responsibility and is no bloody hero and yet very much acting the part and gathering an army who follow him because they respect and believe in and trust him. We see him learn to use his luck, see him visit the Aelfinn and Eelfinn and manage to come out just a little bit ahead despite always feeling a few steps behind (and also almost dying, can’t forget that). And by the end of TFoH, he has grown, even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself.

And then…he stagnates (’the right hand falters’), for approximately five goddamn books. He gets bogged down in a storyline that at times seems to exist purely to be a ‘battle of the sexes’ sandbox, serves as a narrative tool for belittling or putting down other characters when it’s not belittling or diminishing him, and vanishes for a book for no particular narrative reason beyond not having much to do. And then he wanders with the circus for a while before finally taking some bloody initiative and marrying his enemy’s empress. By accident, but still, it’s progress.

The thing is, if he had gone straight from the end of TFoH, with a newly acquired army and responsibility that he claims to want nothing to do with, to freeing the Windfinder(s) in Ebou Dar and then staring out at the devastation that escape caused, to giving Tuon a cluster of silk rosebuds while planning the use of gunpowder in war, to the events of As If The World Were Fog and Prince of the Ravens, I think I’d still enjoy reading about him. The pieces of a great arc are there, but the pacing is off, and there’s too much in the middle that seems to serve no real purpose (except to irritate and be irritated by other characters, which doesn’t make anyone look good).

I also think one of the issues with Mat’s arc is that more than others, he is put in positions where his gain is another central character’s loss (see for example the latter half of Swovan Night and Small Sacrifices) for…seemingly no reason. I much prefer the moments where he gains by his own merit (see This Place, This Day and The Lesser Sadness, where he acquires the Band and helps win the battle of Cairhien by being awesome), or, if it’s to be at the expense of other characters, in a way that doesn’t end up making other protagonists just look…less.

For the record, I also disliked when Egwene spent a few chapters making a fool of Nynaeve as part of flipping the leadership/power dynamic between them. I have no problem with conflict between characters (Egwene and Nynaeve bickering all the way to Tear felt real, and suited their development) or with power struggles, but I think it’s important to make sure it’s…fair, I suppose, if you’re using protagonists on both sides. A character can be narratively served by losing a conflict, so long as they’re treated as an actual agent in it, rather being temporarily demoted to narrative device, existing just to make another character look good at their expense. And the resulting ‘benefit’ to the other character feels sour as a result. (An example of this being done better is Mat fighting Gawyn and Galad; the stakes are relatively low, it’s done in a lighthearted way, and while Galad and Gawyn lose, they don’t really lose face).

I also feel like there’s so much more that could be done with the memories Mat acquires - they certainly contribute to his arc and to the positions he ends up in, and recently there was the issue with him realising that the Eelfinn might have some sort of link to him, but we never go very far into the…psychological impact, I suppose. I mean, he remembers dying. Multiple times. And even the memories that don’t involve death often involve battle. So he’s got sort-of-but-no-longer-really secondhand literal war flashbacks coming out his ears, he has howmany fragments of identity floating around in his head and seeming a part of him and yet also not? That’s fascinating, give me more. It just seems like such a cool thing to play with, and instead more often than not it’s a plot device.

Nynaeve al’Meara: Ah, Nynaeve. Another arc I love. I’ve actually written about hers already (albeit a three years and several books ago) but I’ll go into some of it briefly here as well. Where we see Egwene grow up, Nynaeve begins the book as an adult, if still on the younger side, but established in her position and her identity, even if she has to fight for it at times because of her youth and particular personality quirks. And then she has all of that taken from her, and is thrown into a world where she no longer knows who she is or should be, where none of that authority or experience she possessed means anything. It’s such an interesting way to start a character’s arc, and it plays out beautifully as Nynaeve tries to find her footing again and stumbles so many times along the way but, like Egwene, in a way that feels very real. 

Through it all she holds to certain core aspects of herself even as others are recognised as mutable, and thus learns who she is and grows into not a different person entirely, but someone more herself. Not self-aware, precisely, but…in control. She breaks her block by finally surrendering, by letting go of the walls she built around herself and her own power out of fear and insecurity, and in doing so accepts what lies beneath them. And as a result, she now controls that vast power within her, rather than having only an occasional grasp of it through anger. That’s something of a metaphor for her entire arc, really: she faces herself as much as she faces any external enemy, pushing past those walls and insecurities and fears, through that uncertainty of where she fits in a world so much vaster than the one she came of age in, and thus gains control of her abilities and strengths and self, and can use that to work toward what she has always held as most important: protecting and helping and defending and healing those she loves.

Perrin Aybara: I love his arc from the beginning through to the end of TSR. The Two Rivers arc? Absolutely gorgeous. But, like Mat, I think his arc falters a little (or, if we’re continuing with the prophecy, strays) in part, perhaps, because he almost completes some of it too early. I do like that it’s not treated as perfectly linear – that just because he’s learned leadership and come to more or less accept it in his home village doesn’t mean he’ll be 100% great at it and fully on board from here on out – but I also think the way we revisit some of those problems could be done better. 

I also just hate the Malden arc in general, because once again it makes Perrin look good (sort of) by putting Faile in the role of damsel-in-distress (not in mindset but absolutely in contrived situation) and forcibly holding her there until Perrin can finish his arc. Which detracts from the payoff of the arc itself, for me.

I’d rather have seen that done differently – there are other ways Perrin could have struggled with truly accepting leadership, and also come to throw away the axe – and perhaps slightly earlier, which would allow Perrin to make the decision regarding the wolf dream a little earlier as well, because I don’t see how he’s supposed to convincingly learn it well enough to do anything with it between now and the ending. And if he doesn’t have time to do that, why was it brought up?

All of that said, I do think his arc itself is a really interesting and sometimes understated but often beautiful one. The axe/hammer conflict that winds its way  through so much of his arc across ten books is not always subtle but it’s present like a drumbeat, a constant that illustrates the heart of the conflict at the core of who he is and who he wants to be and who he needs to be. It also ties so well into the overall salvation/destruction theme and duality. It’s an interesting way to handle a character of the general archetype Perrin represents, and I think that aspect of his arc is done very, very well. He’s not always my type of character, and there are some inconsistencies in his arc and places where the way aspects of it are accomplished that irritate me, but the overall shape of it is lovely.

[gaaraisgay]

so i just finished episode 479 and i have a lot of feelings about a lot of things but im not sure how to rlly talk about them/if its worth making a post about but there is one thing that is bugging me a lot that i do know how to talk about, and its re: the sand sibs in the mugen tsukuyomi

reflection and what i’d have done differently under the cut.. its very long

im specifically irate about temari and kankuro’s mugen tsukuyomi dreams; gaara’s was fine and made perfect sense

but

i feel like Once Again temari and kankuro’s development was shunted/ignored in favor of the “Cooler Characters” and i know realistically from a heavily analytical standpoint that especially w/ naruto’s writing like the writing is already shoddy and glosses over a lot of potential already for the main, most popular characters, like....

the people relegated to being side characters have a lot less of a chance of really being given justice so i See why the sibs didnt get to reach their full potential developmentally and narrative wise, but Boy from a gaara standpoint and from a “person who still loves this ninja shitshow anyway” standpoint, i am quite Peeved

like.. okay.. listen..... temari and kankuro aren’t blissfully unaffected by our dysfunctional family situation wtf.. i wasn’t the only one who went through hardships and has trauma from it?? jesus??? both their.. our.. parents are dead and to be frank, me, their brother, used to be a monster, misunderstood and manipulated by his father or not, and they had to force themselves to be demure around him and put up with him lest he get angry and snap at them and end up killing him like he did their friends and peers in the village, which, yknow, is probably also traumatizing just saying???

are u rlly gonna tell me that their deepest desire isnt Also having.. a functional fckn family... and getting to maybe grow up as happy normal children and not lose their friends and be able to pursue their dreams with the support of loving parents (and their uncle) and without constant looming stress and fear hanging over their heads....

the bond between the sibs did indeed gradually mend after The Naruto Incident but realistically, no one is gonna fckn go, “yeah my childhood was really stolen from me bc of multiple tragic events and stressors on top of the fact im literally a child soldier but hey its fine! everything is good now! no lasting scars or anxieties here!!”

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHH

im particularly pissed about temari’s dream bc like...... man, already the fandom acts like shes basically kankuro and gaaras stand-in mother whos always cleaning up after them ((if she’s not doing that she only exists to be shikamaru’s waifu apparently)) like....... you could argue that the root of her dream was her wanting to be respected and looked up to sure but mayhaps there was a better way to display that than her being berated by her little brothers who in that particular universe apparently cannot go without her advice for two whole seconds

and then kankuros was.. silly... thats probably a /dream/ he’d have i mean but like not a /deepest desire/ u kno............. i dont have as much commentary about his (particularly bc U Kno the way temari is treated is influenced by her being a girl) but like w/ temari’s like if what he wanted was to become legendary at his craft then there’d be better ways to show that which would tie in with the sibs’ traumas and pull their narratives together and overall highlight how much fucked up shit everyone has been thru in this series to the point of people’s deepest desires just being like, a functional family with parents that arent dead

but i digress i guess

either way i think in an ideal dream world for the siblings, all the sibs would be happy and temari n kankuro would become respected masters of their crafts (i could see temari maybe dreaming about becoming kazekage tbh) without being overshadowed by gaara or weighed down by familial loss.. they would also be allowed to have an actual proper childhood....

i would’ve been a lot happier if their dreams at least even hinted at that........ but u kno........ im not surprised they didnt bc if someones not in the top 3 popular characters why would we bother to rlly flesh them out and, u kno, Even Then.................