#hell i dont have a d100 but i do have percentile dice

[imissjensi]

on this hellscape we call earth there are two things i am passionate about. dungeons and dragons, and kotlc. so why not combine the two in a dnd table to determine a special ability?

the first question you probably have is: "gubbs. there are twenty abilities here, why didn't you just use a d20?" and my answer to that is that i'm insane and chose to try and break down the abilities based on the likelihood of manifesting them without any genetic influence, and since some abilities are rarer than others, i used a d100 instead to represent the different weights of abilities.

really in-depth info on how i broke down the abilities below, along with a TL;DR with just the percentages at the end :)

I omitted Teleportation, Inflicting and Descrying since those abilities likely won't pop up again for a very long time. Since Inflicting and Descrying both only had one reported elf each before Sophie, and both are Councillors, they won't be passing along their genetics anytime soon. And Sophie's Inflicting was a result of the Black Swan tweaking her genetics. Teleportation is also exclusively a horse girl thing so that one is out as well, since it doesn't occur in elves organically. I am also aware that the Talentless chance is far lower than it should be. I address that near the end.

Due to there being twenty abilities on this list, the baseline percent for each is 5%, as that's how it would be if all abilities had an equal chance of happening. I adjust the chances from there.

First, I separated the abilities into categories. The first one was the easiest, which was the rare abilities. I only put three in this category, those being Pyrokinetics and Enhancers at a 1% chance, and Telepaths at a 3% chance. Pyrokinetics was easy, since Marella says that there were only twelve of them when the ability got banned, so it's very unlikely to manifest it. Sophie is the only Enhancer we know of, but we do know that there are more, since Dex had heard about the ability when she manifested it. However, I assume it's rare, since Sophie manifesting it is the first we hear of it. I also made Enhancer a reroll ability, since I believe it mostly manifests in people who already have an ability. There is absolutely no canon support for this aside from Sophie, so take this with a grain of salt. We are constantly told Telepaths are rare, (even if there are so many of them in the story) so they're at a 3% chance. Rarer than most abilities, but not the rarest. In total, the three rare abilities have a 5% chance of manifesting.

The next category is elemental abilities. Due to the elves being in tune with nature and appreciating natural beauty, I bumped the baseline percent from 5% to 6%, which is the likelihood for Frosters, Chargers, Gusters, and Hydrokinetics. Flashers sit at an 8% chance due to the Lost Cities' focus on light. We are also introduced to far more Flashers than any other of the elements, leading me to believe it shows up more in elves. Shades were bumped down to a 4% chance, because if light is the foundation of the Lost Cities and manifests more in it's citizens as a result, then the distrust and shun of darkness would make the shadows manifest less. Elemental abilities have a 36% chance of manifesting.

I then put Empaths, Mesmers, Beguilers and Vociferators into the "affects others" category. Empaths don't quite fit that description, but it was the best place I could put them. Empaths are at a 6% chance of manifesting, just because there are a lot of Empath characters in the series, so manifesting as an Empath may be more likely than other abilities. The other three in this category are all at a 4% chance. This is because all three of them involve manipulating/harming people. Mesmers manipulate actions, Beguilers manipulate emotions, and Vociferators can harness their voice to incapacitate someone. I know that these abilities aren't the only ones that can be used to harm someone, but they are the only ones (apart from inflicting) where you can only use it on someone else. Since elves can't handle guilt, I believe that these three abilities manifest less frequently, as their genetic makeup probably pushes against manifesting as something that can easily be misused. Hopefully that makes sense. The abilities that affect others have an 18% chance at manifesting.

Next is the "affects self" group, which is Vanishers, Psionipaths and Phasers. Psionipaths can use forcefields on anything, but I assume the most common use is to protect the user from something, so I put them in this category. All three of these are at the baseline 5%, as I could not think of a reason for any of them to be more or less likely based on elvin psyche or nature.

Finally was the miscellaneous group, which was just the last three. Technopaths are at the baseline of 5%, since there was no reason for it to be anything else. Polyglots sit at a healthy 10%, and are also a reroll ability for hopefully what are obvious reasons. I made the likelihood so high because to me it seems like every other character we meet is a polyglot. It should probably be lower though. Speaking of abilities that should definitely be lower, I made Conjurers have a 10% chance of manifesting. I should not have done this. The flimsy reasoning I do have, is that it's incredibly practical. Just having the ability to summon anything to you from anywhere as long as you know where it is is so useful. I would love to be able to do that. I also thought there were far more Conjurers in the series than there actually is. But logically, it should be a lower chance, and I should have took the left over percents from Polyglots and Conjurers and put them into Talentless. I made it a 1% chance for an elf to not manifest an ability at all. Far more than 1% of the elvin population is Talentless, I think I can say that confidently. I would go back and adjust the table, but doing so would require me to adjust all the numbers, as well as edit this post. I have been working on this for two hours and don't want to do that. Maybe I'll reblog it later with an edit.

I plan on making more dnd keeper crossover content, so hopefully this finds it's target audience.

TL;DR

Pyrokinetic - 1% | Enhancer - 1% | Telepath - 3% | Charger - 6% | Flasher - 8% | Froster - 6% | Guster - 6% | Hydrokinetic - 6% | Shade - 4% | Empath - 6% | Beguiler - 4% | Mesmer - 4% | Vociferator - 4% | Vanisher - 5% | Psionipath - 5% | Phaser - 5% | Conjurer - 10% | Technopath - 5% | Polyglot - 10% | Talentless - 1% |

[ask-vaal-hazak]

I just left a homebrew dnd campaign I've a message for new DM's

If your running a campaign for 2 ppl and there level 3 do not throw cr 6 and 9 monsters at them. For the love of the divine do not.

Extremely fustrating and deadly. And dont use the monsters from a homebrew forum bc it just sounds cool. Bc that "cool" cr 6 hag going against a lv3 party with multiple attack. Multiple spell cast and spell immunity and able to polymorph into any creature it wants at will is devastating.

Just to rant here. I lost 3 characters in 1 hour. My lv 3 barbarian (minotaur zelot). My battlemaster (centaur) and my wizard (yuan ti)

To be a dm ya have to balance and make sure every fight isnt designs to just upright kill ppl at the start bc. 5d12 worth of dmg with multiple attack on a hag or any creature. Is friggin broken.

There no way in hell a monster for a party of 2, level 3 adventures should hit for 5d12 (3 times) and be able to cast 2 spells (at will without using a spell slot) EVERY ROUND. And on top of that have a movement speed of 90 and an ac of 23. (I asked the dm to let me see what he was using and thers more. Swim of 30, fly of 300 ect this is pretty much a god with its stats but the cr says 6. It dosent even feel like a 6. More like a lv 20 broken sack of crap)

This is the reason there are tutorial guides in the book(s) and youtube to show you why you should look at cr then your players levels b4 u design an encounter.

I cant describe how fustrating it was to see my barbarian. Who I spent 5hours making just get tapped lightly and die. Bc 48 hp at lv 3 and taking well over 10 pts of dmg bc apparently she crit me on all attacks and only did like 1 attack to our female player (for 2 dmg with a level 6 scorching ray [its bs] ) was "Fair bc your a barbarian and should be able to tank this EASILY" (quote the dm.)

If there is a way to piss off players it's this and having a game were you get railroaded so hard it's a traveling trip with skill checks with a minimum of 18-20 to notice something like a bear on the road when the weather is CLEAR and everyone is PAYING THE HELL ATTENTION ON A BANDIT HIGHWAY. Not to mention the SCREAMS OF A CYCLOPS AS IT LITERALLY SMASHES INTO THE CARAVAN ACROSS A PLANE WITH A FEW TREES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Oh and let me not forget the NPCS WHO WANT TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE BC THEY THINK THERE HOT AND DESERVE A NICE HOT MEAT ROD FOR THEIR SERVICES OF INTRODUCING THEMSELVES.

*Facepalm* my god....oh and if your thinking

"GEE-WILLY Mr. Person surely it couldnt be that bad?" This guys campaign was pretty much parappa the rapper, jojo bizarre adventures, bloodborne, Resident evil and memes.

I had a character who came in and apparently they caused the world to have wormholes? (Somehow) and referenced it everytime we played even when that character died. In session one. Bc apparently a company named (I kid you not) Shoe Rack was the equivalent of resident evil's umbrella cooperation. Complete with a drow leader and a litch bookkeeper who turned everyone into zombies to work for free while they apparently made diamonds to sell for millions of gold and keep the workers working g for 1 copper every month. Only giving gold to ppl that would sleep with them.

Not to mention apparently everyone in this world had magic resist or spell immunity to everyone except to females. And when I made a female char apparently that rule became I valid and it was just a straightforward

Me: does a 17 hit?

Dm: well it would but .... *they grin*

Me: but?

Dm: they use a special ring to catch the spell and cast meteor swarm on you point blank.

Me: well they get hit too I just stabbed them with a dagger.

Dm: no you see it's a SMALL METEOR THAT ONLY HITS THE PERSON THAT HIT THEM

Me: so they and my teammate. Who has literally been stabbing them are fine?"

Dm: yes

Me (takes like 589 pts of dmg and is ded)

Dm: the litch turns to you and asks if you want a cup of coffee.

Female player: umm sure?

Dm: whoo-yeah. Combat over you get 500 go and a date with the litch.

Me: I'm sorry what?

Female player: umm...ok. awsome.

Me: ......ok cool so I'll just bring in-

Dm: no that's cool the litch revives yorubas a female zombie slave.

Me: why?

Dm: and you need to have sex to keep yourself alive.

Me: yeah no. I'll just bring in my centaur battle master

1 hour later

Dm: you take umm..let's see *rolls dice.*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: *rolls a shit ton more dice*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: oh oh no *grins*

Me: (takes 40 dmg) I'm still up

Dm: how?

Me: I have 48 hp....I'm still up

Dm: ok it's your attack I guess.

Me: rolls a nat 1 "ok I guess I have disadvantage on my next att-"

Dm: rolls a d100 and a d10 (the percentile)

Me: what are you doing?

Dm: rolling for severity of your fail. Btw how much dmg does your lance do?

Me: it does 1d12 dmg and why are you using severity. That's not in 5e and you said we-

Dm: as you fail you accidentally stab yourself in the throat as your spear hits a rock and you take *rolls dice* 35 pts of dmg

Me: ok I'm out that's bs. Number one and two I have a lance and thers no way I can do 35 dmg. I get about 24 dmg on a crit and 28 if I use my racial feature to kick a person at max with a crit.

Dm: oh your just being salty, you dont play fair!

Me: excuse me?

Dm: ALL YOU DO IS PLAY SPELL CASTWRS AND THATS CHEATING!

Me: bc everyone has spell immunity for some reason or only takes 1/4 the dmg. I'm pretty much useless and am being fored to play melee unlike our LOREMASTER BARD who got an item to DOUBLE HER DMG AND SPELL SLOTS AND CRIT ON A 15 PERMANENTLY (this is the female btw)

Dm: well maybe you should have slept with the litch

Me: she literally found that item in a store for like 3 silver and when I looked (with a 17 arcana check) I found a rusty dagger and a flask of poisoned potion.

Dm: well maybe roll higher?

Female player: umm I rolled like a 10 and found this that's kind of cool but I dont think it's fair. But o wanna keep my items

Dm: ugh fine. You keep yours. Ummm (to me) I guess you get a potion of greater healing for....umm 500 go.

Me:.......nah I'm good, FUCK IT. I'll just make another spell caster Oops. Cant do that. How about a nope. Cant make a barbar I'm going to make a artificer

Dm: cant do that

Me: why?

Dm: they're broken its not good.

Me: *with the book* not broken..ulyou know what why dont you make me a character and I'll use that.

Dm: hands me a sheet

Me: reads "Zonia the sexy zombie elf sex slave that gets stronger every time she has sex?" *Looks at everyone* ok I'm out enjoy the campaign.

Dm: we cant have a dnd adventure with only 1 person.

Me: yes you can you've been doing it since session 1. I'm out goodbye. I'm still running my campaign on sunday. I wont hole anything against you. But I will not sit here and be shit on bc I refuse to kiss yur ass and make a slut of a character. Pull your head from your ass. I'm taking my stuff and I'm out.

Dm: but I need the dm screen and the mat and the markers.

Me: then buy your own or use theater of mind. I'm out.

Like how bad is it to want to be a dm to shit on ppl. THIS, THIS IS NOT OK. and no one wants a zombie sex slave that can only have sex and has a str of 0 a con of 30 a dex of 1 a cha of 40 and so on. Its friggin stupid!

Anyway that's my rant. Im....I think I'm just done with dms and crap I just want to play a dnd game I can be happy with. And not always be the Forever dm. Who has players challenge everything. Like why as a monk they cant use sleight of hand to CATCH A FRIGGIN FIREBALL AND/OR AN ARROW AIMED AT ANOTHER PERSON.

Anyway leave a comment or add on I'm just burnt out and glad I could get this rant off my chest