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tweedlydumbtweedlydoo · 4 years ago

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Seattle Grace | Drew Starkey x reader

Requested by anon // Summary: Grey’s Anatomy characters x obx actors cross over. You’re a doctor and starting your internship at Seattle Grace Hospital. You and Drew have a fight about you working too much and the argument ends in breaking things off.

A/N: apologies for any mistakes, did not proof read because I wanted to get this out. I actually really enjoyed writing this! Hope you guys like this little crossover

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: OPEN {CLOSED}

** Rules for Requesting **

** Who I Write For **

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“You work too much!” Drew shouts. You’d started your internship at Seattle Grace Hospital, your dream hospital. However, your boyfriend Drew, wasn’t a fan about your work schedule. He’d be moving back out to South Carolina for the summer while filming Outer Banks season 2 and found out your hours only increased during the summer months, which meant you wouldn’t be coming out to visit him like you’ve been doing.

“It’s an internship, Drew! What did you expect? Me to be able to pick my hours?!” You argue back, throwing your hands up in frustration as you two argue in the middle of your shared bedroom. “It’s either I work the hours they give me, or I lose the internship! There’s no picking and choosing!”

“I never see you anymore, y/n. You work all hours of the day and when you do arrive home, you’re exhausted and want to sleep the rest of the night or day away.”

Before you can answer him, your phone rings on the bed. Drew laughs half-heartedly when he sees the name and photo pop up on the screen and runs his hands over his face, “of course he’d fucking be calling you!”

You reach over the bed and grab your phone.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you two are screwing behind my back!”

“Oh, fuck you Drew! You know Alex and I are just friends! We’ve been friends since the start of college!” You turn and face him, your phone going off once more.

“If you answer that phone, we’re done.” Drew points to your phone.

You look at him like he’s crazy, “You’re not serious.” You breath out. The phone stops ringing but Alex rings you once more.

“I’m dead serious, y/n.”

“Drew, I have to answer this. He’s on shift at the hospital tonight. Something could have gone wrong.”

“Fine.” He runs a hand over his hair, “answer “your fucking person.””

You take a shakey breath and answer the phone, “Hello?” You glance up at Drew, listening to Alex. “Okay… yeah…. I didn’t hear it… I know… okay… bye.” You hang up and head for your closet, “I have to go.”

Drew shakes his head, “Yeah, alright. Of course you do. Can’t even get through a conversation without you rushing off to Alex.”

You pull your scrubs from the closet, “Drew, there’s been a horrible accident in the city and the hospital is understaffed. I have to go.” You toss your scrubs in your bag and throw it over your shoulder, heading for the front door, Drew following close behind.

“I won’t be here when you get home.” He calls out to you, “I won’t do this anymore.”

Your hand stops on the doorknob and glance back over your shoulder at Drew. He’d been with you through it all. He’d pushed you to become a doctor, to follow your dreams and now he was giving you an ultimatum, him or your career. Your dream career, your dream job; something you’d busted your ass for. You’d never give up that for a man. You’d worked too damn hard.

You throw open the door and step out, letting it slam shut behind you and walked your way to the hospital.

After a 24 hour shift, you’d arrived home to an empty house. Drew’s belongings were gone, along with him. You closed the door and broke down into tears. You didn’t know if it was from exhaustion or the fact your long time boyfriend had broken things off.

You slowly slid down the wall and your butt hit the floor with a thump. You don’t how long you’d been sitting in the floor, but a knock on the door stirred you. You sniffled, “Who is it?”

“It’s Alex and Lexie…”

“We have Chinese and wine.”

Without even standing you open the door and see their head peek in. As soon as they see your state, Lexie takes the food and wine to the kitchen.

“How long have you been here for?” Alex says bending to your level.

You give a small shrug.

He scrunches his nose, “Seems like since you got home.” He lets out a chuckle, “You smell like shit.”

You laugh a little but it then turns into a sob. “He left… he left.”

Alex sighs and sits next to you, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you to his chest, “It’s okay… he didn’t deserve you.” His hand rubs your back as you sob into his chest.

Lexi comes back and sits on the other side of you, leaning her head on your shoulder/arm, taking your hand in hers, “It’s gonna be okay… you’re going to be okay.”

“You got us.” Alex says, “We’ll be here for you.”

~ months later~

Time passed and you still hadn’t heard anything from Drew. However, you of course saw fan photos of him out in South Carolina, whether it be with the rest of the cast or by himself. You hadn’t spoken to any of the cast members since everything happened, which sucked because you were close to Rudy and Madison, but that’s what happens when a couple breaks up.

Drew sits on the couch next to Austin as Chase is flipping through channels. Maddie and Madison are watching tiktoks and Rudy and JD are fixing them something to eat in the kitchen. Drew wasn’t necessarily paying attention to what was on the TV when something caught his eye as Chase changed the channel. “Wait, Chase go back.”

Chase flips the channel back and it’s as if Drew’s whole world fell before his feet. There on the news channel was the hospital, the hospital you are interning at in flames. “SEATLE GRACE IN FLAMES….. 10 DEAD & MULTIPLE INJURED” Drew slowly shifts to the edge of the couch watching in shock, the rest of the cast following when they realize what’s on TV.

“Isn’t that…” Maddie begins.

“where y/n is interning.” He quickly stands and pulls his phone out, dialing your number, but it went straight to voicemail. “She’s not answering.”

Madison slowly rises from the couch, “Drew, I’m sure it’s okay. I’m sure she’s okay. She’s not allowed to have her phone and I’m sure it’s off.”

He begins to pace, dialing your number and once again it goes to voicemail. “What if she’s dead? What if…” His eyes are panicked as he looks on at his friends, “The last thing I said to her was I-I…” His hands run through his hair, “I don’t remember the last thing I said to her.” What if he’d never be able to make things right with you? Tell you how much of an idiot he was? That he still loved you?

Madison grabs Drew’s arm to stop his pacing, “Freaking out isn’t going to help. Why don’t you call her parents? See if they’ve heard from her? You can’t assume the worst Drew.”

Drew called your family, who hadn’t heard from you either and couldn’t get in touch. Drew finally made the decision to hop on a plane and fly out there for you. The cast following as well. ~

It had all happened so quickly. You and Alex were on your way to the cafeteria for lunch and the ground below you had shook. Then the ceiling began to fall, screams and dust everywhere. You called out to Alex, coughing and could hear him calling your name. You went to take a step and that’s when the floor below you gave out.

Alex was sitting at your bedside when Drew had come rushing in. He stood from his seat, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Drew looked over at Alex then back at your body laying in the hospital bed. You had a few cuts on your head and arms. “I saw it on the news… and headed straight here.”

“She wouldn’t want you here.” Alex points out the door, “Get out.”

“What are you her boss? How do you know what she would want?”

“Because you left her and you don’t deserve to be here.” Alex steps toward Drew so they’re chest to chest.

“There’s too much testosterone in this room.” You squeak out, coughing.

Alex turned around, grabbing the water and putting the straw to your lips. “Of course you’d have a sarcastic remark…”

Drew moves around your bed to the other side and you took in the man you hadn’t seen for months. The man who broke your heart.

“I told him to get out but the punk wouldn’t listen.” Alex mutters from your bedside.

“I had to make sure you were okay.” Drew remarks, “I saw the fire on the news and flew out as soon as I could..”

You took another sip of the water, “You flew out here? What about filming?”

He glances at the door then back at you, “Kinda can’t film if the whole cast is here… plus we’re on a break.”

“Everyone’s here?”

Drew nods, “We were all worried about you. Had to make sure you were okay.”

“Well don’t just leave them standing out there.. tell them to get their asses in here.” You wince, sitting up a little.

“There was a limit on how many in your room…” Drew begins.

You wave him off, “The nurses love me. They won’t say shit.”

Drew walks over to the door and motions the cast in. Madison was the first to make it to you and pulls you into a gentle hug, “We were so worried.”

Everyone stayed in the room for a little while before leaving to give you and Drew time to talk. Alex was reluctant to leave. “He’s a punk that you cried over for months.”

You give his hand a gentle squeeze, “Karev, I promise it’s okay. Go get you a coffee or something.”

He nods and then looks at Drew, narrowing his eyes, and giving him a look before walking out of the room. After the door closes, Drew takes the seat next to you.

“How’s your family doing?” You ask, turning your head to look at him.

“You just got in a horrible accident and you’re asking about my family?” He shakes his head, “You and your caring self… They miss you. Told me I was stupid for breaking things off.”

“They always did love me more..” You tease.

He chuckles and nods, “Yeah.. they really did.”

You reach over and take his hand, “You didn’t have to come out here.”

He peers down at your hand in his. His eyes filling with tears, “I called you and you didn’t answer.” He glimpsed up at you.

Your eyes fill with tears just as you saw his and you lean your head back on the bed, “You know you were the only thing on my mind.. after I fell through the floor. I know you ended things but I never stopped loving you, Drew.” You cast your eyes back to his, “You were what helped me. I just kept remembering little things about you to keep my mind on something else besides the pain.” Your hand reaches up to touch his cheek, “I told myself if I made it through this, I would call you.”

He shakes his head, his other hand taking yours, “I should have called you.. I just knew you’d moved on to some fancy doctor.”

“How could I move on to someone else when my heart was already taken?”

All my works tag list: @blossomreed , @mggstyles , @simonsbluee ,

Rafe Cameron // Drew Starkey taglist: @pm-my-hubbies , @timotaychalabae , @fratboystark , @fangirlvoice

Obx taglist: @poguestyleskye , @alexa-playafricabytoto , @kaelyn-lobrutto24 , @prejudic3 , @turtlee-says-rawr , @outrbank , @k-k0129 , @annedub , @rockyyc77 , @ilovejjmaybank , @treestarrrrrrrr , @thedarkqueenofavalon , @write-from-the-heart , @eclecticpuppyhollywoodhumanoid , @lasnaro , @kiarasgold , @normatural , @kaylinfayezink , @lordsagittarius , @moose-squirrel-asstiel , @thelovelydreamer17 , @chasefreakinstokes , @fanficscuziranout , @diverrdown , @tregua-oca , @junkiemuppettxx , @afterglowsb-tch13 , @hardyxlove , @cinnamon-roll-seth , @copper-boom , @aomi-nabi , @dpaccione

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glassesandkim · 4 years ago

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ok so anon sent me a rant that i asked for and I want to answer it but under a cut so we don’t have to spam the dash.

Click under the read more if you want to read me and anon’s rant on grey’s anatomy s17 finale

anon said: “Magston... what the hell lmao. They literally had a whole plot in 1716 about postponing their wedding so they could do it right (with family) and then winston was getting all mad about it and thought maggie was backing out (even though its a pandemic and theyve only been engaged for like what? 3 months tops). Then they flew their older parent/grandparent out (in the middle of a pandemic and severely affects old people), only to have them object to the wedding at the ceremony and then they postpone anyways???? What???? They couldnt have done that over the phone lmao like I liked the idea of magston a lot in s16 but their arc this season made me hate them so much lol. Sometimes I think theyre less developed than schmico (like which writer decided to marry them this season ????? Fireable offence imo considering they have no previous relationship history Im pretty sure and Im pretty sure they were only dating/engaged for like a year???? Even if the show was ending a moving in together/dating/engagment endgame would have worked for them? Anyways).”

First of all: what the fuck is grey’s obsession with marriage?????

It might just be me, but take it from someone who worked in the wedding industry for 3 years, and lemme tell you: weddings are fun, beautiful, amazing, but they’re also hella for the privileged. YOU KNOW IT CAN COST UP TO $700 CAD TO HIRE AN OFFICIANT??? So the job Richard had? He could’ve made an easy few hundies.

I really hate how fucking fake and badly acted that scene was when Maggie’s dad and Winston’s grandma objected to the marriage. Why did they wait until then and EMBARRASS both of them???? Like you said, what the hell was the point of last episode’s whole debacle???? They could’ve just not done that plot in ep 16 and had them get married anyway in ep 17 and had someone object to their marriage.

Can’t believe Maggie flew two old people around the country during a goddamn pandemic. How irresponsible is it???? Again, I don’t know if it’s because they’re just way more relaxed in the states than where I’m from but wth....

anon said: Okay and then amelink. I LOVED how amelia was written this episode, but in the context of the time jump it was kind of weird? Like amelia was feeling this way about marriage/more kids for 8-9 months and never even hinted to link that she wasnt interested? And I like to think link respects amelia a lot, so why didnt he bring up marriage again before proposing? Or ask mer/maggie what they thought about him proposing? I can understand her not talking to link about her concerns but I find it hard to believe she didnt bring it up with mer/maggie once in that time frame? Idk it was just rushed and weird. And amelia clearly wasnt okay with the fostering thing and he still went with it anyways lol.

I can’t remember and I don’t care enough to go watch the ep, but did Amelia and Link move out of Mer’s house?

The only good thing about this episode was Amelia, especially her conversation with Richard (in that not very Seattle courtyard rofl HONESTLY GREY’S PUT SOME EFFORT IN YOUR SETS. YOU KNOW YOUR ENTIRE SHOW IS SET IN SEATTLE RIGHT/???? LIKE MAKE IT RAIN IN THAT COURTYARD TO REFLECT HOW AMELIA FEELS IDK GAWD)

I also can’t believe Amelia would just be like, welp! I guess I’m a double mom now of my own child and this random crotch child that my baby daddy promised to his best friend. And oh ya, I don’t want anymore children but shhh its a secert.

I mean, I know Amelia technically fostered before but ............. (i’ll continue this in the next segment)

anon said: And the fostering thing... Jo’s plot was weird this ep too lmao. Like maybe Im just dumb but they never explained why she failed her background check? Idk this plot would have been a much better season long arc than a one episode arc lol. Although I think the single parent thing might be fun next season (the weird jo/levi friendship will be worth it if we get schmico babysitting)

They didn’t really explain why she failed her bg check. I also don’t know how money can fix her failed background check.

Also how fucking shady is it that Link and Amelia fostered a child? Wouldn’t the foster people want to give a child to a stable family who, let’s think, ARE MARRIED and HAVE A HOME OF THEIR OWN?

Who’s the dumbass in the writer’s room that thought of this ludicrous convenient solution for Jo? Only people with that much money and power can steal children.

I really thought Jo’s fight for Luna should’ve started earlier and when it didn’t start, I thought it would bleed into next season. It’s not easy to adopt a child.

anon said: Also is our last jackson appearance on this show really a random facetime with jo? Would have much rather had a face maggie to congratulate her on her marriage (why wasnt he there???)

Maggie’s kind of his step sister or whatever the f they are. Jackson could’ve taken a break from solving racism to attend his family member’s wedding, right?

anon said: Okay and then the interns... we never actually saw mer teaching them? Im hoping that theres a bigger intern/resident focus next season because of mers new job but now Im not optimistic haha. And why are the residents and interns grouped together? And why was levi so involved with mer’s patient that he wasnt pulled from the wedding to help???????? Its a double lung transplant get the upper year resident in there PLEASE!!! Or at least let him take over the surgery when mer passed out. Cristina would have been doing this shit in her intern year. I assure you he would much rather be at the surgery than the wedding of someone he has never interacted with. And Surely that surgery would have been better if more than 2 surgeons were working on it?????? my ONLY hope is that the time jump means we’re getting helm and levi aged up to 5th years and we get some chief resident/specialization/boards plots for them next year.

i hate grey’s and their ridiculous time jumps and blatant disregard to HOW THIS WILL AFFECT THE CAREERS OF THEIR RESIDENTS.

I bet, like Teddy’s child, Levi and Helm are gonna be residents for 10 years and never choose a speciality. I want to revoke grey’s rights to call themselves a medical drama. There’s nothing medical about this show.

JUST WATCH MER TOUCH A DIRTY ASS BASIN AND THEN TOUCH A WHOLE HUMAN LUNG WITH THE SAME HANDS

YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY THAT BASIN IS SITTING ON WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS SITTING ON??? GET A NURSE TO HOLD THE BASIN. YOUR HANDS ARE STERILE

(Okay, I’m also sure the basin would be sterile but I can’t. I can’t believe in real life, they’d have the same hands hold a basin and a human organ. Someone who’s a doctor or works in the OR, tell me if I’m right. I need to know. )

Also, Bailey taking off her mask when she’s hugging Mer after the surgery. Right TO JAIL!

anon said: And finally... not half of maggies wedding guests ditching the wedding to go stand in a hallway and clap for mer LMAO like they couldnt have done that the next day??? Like I said before, most of this episode was comedy lol.

it’s COVID. Why are people going into the hospital unnecessarily??????

Yes, but you’re right. I gotta watch these eps like it’s a comedy or I’ll LOSE MY FACKING MIND

anon said: Redeeming parts of this episode: merhayes still has potential, need them to stop having the same scene over and over again though. Nico ily and alex get that cheque for sitting there, dancing, and clapping for ellen. Jo selling her shares to koracick... lmao. Bokhee and the other nurse getting their vaccines :’)

LOL @ merhayes having the same interaction. I was telling some people that I’d love for Hayes and Owen to have some scenes and for Hayes to kick Owen’s ass. Because like @schmico-ing said, Owen is a child collector and Hayes would absolutely fucking hate him.

YES ALEX LANDI GETTIN’ THAT DOUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What an amazing job. I hope he gets paid in the 6 figures for his time at grey’s.

I don’t know how I feel about Koracick. I love caring Koracick. I hate asshole Koracick. I feel like they’re two different people.

BOHKEE <3

Anyways, love your rants. I look forward to them when s18 starts or even whenever you have the odd urge to rant!

#i would go more in depth but it's been almost a week and the process of purging my mind of grey's has already begun #grey's anatomy #gk asks

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tuiyla · 3 years ago

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I’m curious, if you’ve seen/have any thoughts on these other wlw ships?

Villanelle from Killing Eve

Clexa from 100

Cazzie from Atypical

Choni from Riverdale

Calzona from Greys Anatomy

Rules from Euphoria

Sanvers from Supergirl

Shoni from The Wilds

That's a good mix! Heard about all of them, know them to varying degrees.

Villanelle

You know I've been meaning to watch Killing Eve, seems like something I'd be into. All I know is that there's tension and they probably wanna kill each other? I'm sure it's the kind of ship many would call toxic but hey. I'll get around to watching this show eventually, the chemistry between the actors looks great.

Clexa

Oh, I was there. I remember it all too well. I followed most of The 100 as it came out but almost always followed the fandom with a detached sort of interest. I liked Clexa; I wasn't had over heels, I feel like I would have needed more time for that which they infamously never got. But it was a really cool dynamic and a huge piece of fandom history. I wrote a bit about Clexa but mostly the aftermath of Lexa's death for my dissertation and I know others have done so as well.

Cazzie

Love Cazzie! I've been following Atypical since season 1 and always got queer vibes from Casey so I was so down when Izzie was introduced in s2. I'm a big sucker for their kind of dynamic and thought they were super fun and sweet. The bike scene in season 4? Ughhh super cute. Izzie was a great addition to the show and her s4 scenes in particular were poignant. And again just great chemistry.

Choni

Oh boy, freaking Riverdale. Ironically watching this show used to be fun but now it's too off the rails. Seriously who keeps greenlighting this. Sex sells I guess. Anyway before I go on a Riverdale rant, Choni. I really liked them in season 2, again it’s the kind of dynamic I eat up and stuff like “you’re sensational” was very good. And then you know, the whole show became impossible to take seriously in any way and so I can’t really think of it or Choni as anything substantial. But I liked them and thought they were some of the best parts of even the most bonkers episodes. I can see why people are drawn to them.

Calzona

So here’s the thing, even though I haven’t watched or kept up with Grey’s Anatomy in any way for more than a decade now, they kind of have a special place in my heart. I’m pretty sure Calzona was the first ever wlw ship I saw on TV, in any media. It’s sure as hell the first I remember. And that was kinda special because we used to watch Grey’s as a family and you know, representation matters partly because it normalizes. Callie was one of my favourite characters (along with Lexie) and it was all very new and interesting to me. So even though I don’t keep up with the series in any capacity they remain dear to my heart.

Rules

I haven’t watched Euphoria, yet, and don’t know much about them just like with Villanelle. One half of the ship is Zendaya, right? It looks like a heavy sort of series that I need to be in the right mindset for so I haven’t gotten around to it yet. But I heard good things so go Rules, go Euphoria.

Sanvers

In a way, I started watching Supergirl because of Sanvers. As mentioned above, I loved Lexie in Grey’s so when I saw that Chyler Leigh was playing a lesbian now I Gay Migrated to Supergirl as season 2 was airing. Alex’s season 2 journey was really well done and Sanvers were a great duo. Again as with Clexa I wasn’t in love with them, not because they aren’t great but just cause for me personally it wasn’t OTP material. But it still sucked when Maggie left and I do miss those earlier days of Supergirl. It was handled as well as it could have been though. And how great is it that we got a “coming out in your 30s” story, more of that please.

Shoni

Sounds like Choni huh. Everything I know about The Wilds is second-hand from tumblr and nowhere else, and though I’ve heard that shipname and the individual names I couldn’t tell you who those two are exactly. Blonde and a brunette? Probably. I should really check The Wilds out eventually but yeah, can’t say much about it now. You tell me anon, what are your thoughts on this and/or other wlw ships?

#anon #ask #anonymous #some of that was a trip down memory lane and i thank you for that #reminds me of the gay migration as a phenomenon #not that you were asking but i'd rank cazzie first out of these #my thoughts

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jazy3 · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X5

SPOILERS AHEAD!

I’m going to go right ahead and say it. This episode felt like a PSA to me, but it was well done. It was emotional and impactful and the storyline about Bailey’s Mom made me tear up, but at the same time the episode felt very stagnant and I feel like the lives of the other characters didn’t really move forward or go anywhere. It felt like they were all standing still. I liked the conversations between Jackson and Richard and Bailey and Maggie about how COVID has impacted black and brown people more than other races and how unfair that is and how politicians and decision makers need to pay more attention to that.

I loved the conversation between Bailey and Maggie. I liked that they addressed what happened with Maggie’s Mom because that storyline bothered the heck out of me. Maggie treated Meredith and everyone else horribly when all they did was try and help and then she forced her mother to undergo treatments she didn’t want because Maggie couldn’t handle the fact that she was dying and then they just dropped it. I’m glad to see that make a comeback and that Maggie has recognized that what she did and the way she behaved was wrong and is now using that experience to help others.

I loved their comments about guidance counsellors and others assume black people aren’t as bright or as capable as white folks and how insidious that is. It’s not something I’ve experienced myself as a white person, but I’m glad they’re highlighting it. This episode was written by Zoanne Clack who is a black woman and a former E.R. Physician. The previous episode was written by Julie Wong who is an Asian woman and I think it’s great they are utilizing the talent that they have so that people of colour can share their stories and their experiences on a global scale.

By telling these stories through the lives of characters we know and love and can empathize with it allows people who will never have these experiences understand a little bit more. Representation is important and this show has always done a really good job in my opinion of highlighting important topics and social issues in a sensitive and thoughtful manner. These characters are fictional, but their stories are taken from the lives of real people and I think an important step in the process of creating a better fairer world is creating media that reflects people’s realities in order to cultivate empathy so that people who might not otherwise understand or get it have a window into that experience.

Maybe it changes their mind. Maybe it doesn’t. But the point is that it opens people’s minds to the possibility of seeing a side that they didn’t before and that is half the battle when trying to get people to understand someone else’s experience or point of view. I’m going to be seeing my family this holiday season virtually and in small groups from a safe distance. As is the case for many visiting with relatives over the holidays means having to listen to a lot of ignorant opinions, frustrating statements, and in some cases racial slurs and inappropriate remarks.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m going to handle that this year because my tolerance for that crap has gone out the window. All this to say it’s nice to see good people fighting the good fight to get these stories out there to a global audience so that maybe some people will get it and maybe some good will come of it. And even if it doesn’t seeing characters and stories that represent you on screen is powerful and moving and wonderful and we all deserve that. I teared up watching Bailey suffer with the deterioration and death of her Mom.

The end scene where Bailey describes the patients she’s lost to COVID in the voice over while her and Richard sing ‘My Girl’ to give her Mom that moment of peace and a death with dignity got me. It really put a face on the disease. Watching her and her Dad struggle with it was so hard. I loved Bailey’s voice over where she shared info about the COVID patients she’d lost so far and who they were not just their disease. That was well done. Made me tear up.

I loved the talk between Meredith and Bailey at the hospital and on the beach. This episode wasn’t as shocking as the previous ones, but it was still good. I’m glad Meredith is getting better. I will miss the beach, but I’m excited to see her wake up, get better, and hopefully spend some time with Hayes. Which brings me to my chief complaint with this episode which is where the heck was Hayes?!?! This is the second episode he’s been absent from for no discernable reason and no explanation has been given as to where he is.

I did not sign up for this. A big part of the joy I felt when they announced that he was being upped to a main character was the implication that he was going to be given his own storylines and character development outside of Meredith and his relationships with Abigail, Liam, and Austin. But Hayes being absent when Meredith’s not awake robs of him that. Don’t get me wrong. I love Meredith and Hayes together and all I want is for them to be together and live happily ever after.

But, Hayes has such a rich and interesting backstory and there’s so much to explore there. Richard Flood who plays him brings such a wonderful depth to the character and he deserves to have his own story apart from Meredith and I really want to see him interact with the other characters more. We’ve seen him interact significantly with Jo and Bailey, but I’d love to see him interact with Maggie, Amelia, Jackson, and Owen more. His absence this episode reminds me of the episode after the Conference Episode last season where he was suddenly missing for no reason and they didn’t explain where he was.

I’m confused because he was upped to a main character just before this season started so he should be in every episode or almost every episode like the other characters are. I’m starting to get concerned that the actor who plays him has fallen ill or tested positive for COVID-19 or that he’s dealing with some kind of family emergency and so they had to cut him out of the episode last minute. I hope I’m wrong, but I honestly can’t think of another reason the actor would be missing for upwards of 2 to 4 weeks when these episodes were filmed.

I can’t see his absence being a story choice because it doesn’t make any sense and they haven’t addressed it on screen as they usually do when an actor has departed or needs time off and they have time to write that in. He also doesn't appear to be in the promo for next week’s episode which is strange considering it shows another meeting being held by Richard where some of the other department heads can be seen and we get shots of most of the other characters. After the Premiere aired he appeared in the promo for Episode 3 standing outside Meredith’s window and in that episode we saw them have a heart to heart that I thought was really beautiful and lovely.

At this point it’s unclear if Meredith even knows that Hayes is the one that found her and got her help and is distraught over her condition. He’s the head of Peds which is a pretty important department. Where the heck is he? They can gladly write off other characters in the second half of the season to give him more screen time in my opinion. I really hope the actor and his family are okay. I’d also hate for his sudden absence to wreck Meredith’s storyline.

I love their friendship and flirtations and I’d hate to see her wind up alone or with someone that clearly isn’t right for her and that she doesn’t really love because something unexpected happened with the actor. I really really hope he’s in the mid-season finale next week! Jo suddenly declaring that she wants to quit general surgery to become an OBGYN came out of nowhere and makes no sense to me.

She spent years being with and then married to the Head of Pediatric Surgery and was decidedly lukewarm on the idea of having kids or even being near them. So her and Alex split and in the wake of that she randomly decides she wants to be an OBGYN and deliver babies? What the heck? I’m also confused because I feel like Hayes should have been there because it was a Peds case and he wasn’t and if Jo wants to re-specialize it would make sense for her to talk to Carina or Hayes.

Carina’s a main character on Station 19 and is still reoccurring on Grey’s so she can talk to her for an episode or two, but anymore than that and I think that would fall under Hayes perview because he’s a main character. But he’s currently MIA and we don’t know why. I did love Jo’s scenes with Levi though. They’re always hilarious and I think they bounce off of each other really well. I’m glad that Tom improved and apparently isn’t dying.

I like him with Teddy and I hope they get back together at some point. I’m glad they are choosing to be friends again. More than anything I want Teddy to pick a lane here. Owen or Tom. Pick one and go with it. Stop flip flopping all over the place like a fish out of water. Teddy’s a hot mess these days. I liked Amelia’s speech to Teddy. She has feelings about what Teddy did and didn’t do, but as she says she herself has done horrible things, some of them involving Owen, so she’s not in any place to judge, but she also doesn’t want to be friends with Teddy or really talk to her. And that’s fair. I have to say I love Amelia post-tumour. She’s great.

Also what happened to Casey Parker the resident from last season who was transgender and former military? I really liked him! Where did he go? I’d much rather see him that DeLuca or Nico on screen. Based on what I caught of next week’s promo it looks the COVID situation at Grey Sloan is about to get worse. We see Richard addressing staff in the cafeteria saying that they need to prepare for a surge of patients and that their patient load could double. We’re in May in the current Grey’s timeline so that fits.

It’s apparently also a cross over. I don’t want another cross over. I want to know where the hell Hayes is! And it looks like Amelia is back in the OR and the doctors are treating two teenagers who were kidnapped and held captive. Yikes! And we see Meredith smiling at someone on the beach before suddenly waking up. My guess is that it’s Derek and we are finally going to get to see them embrace and then Meredith is going to return to the land of the living. And hopefully interact with Hayes.

Until next time!

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royaltee98 · 3 years ago

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The worst sickle cell crisis

September 25-October 3.2021

Saturday September 25.2021

This was Sunday 2:00 in the morning mom just finished changing my foot and I was watching the golden girls.I fell asleep for a few minutes feeling this awful pain in my lower back I called my dad to tell him that I was having pain and to tell mom but instead I called her. She came over and laid with me rubbing my back and gave me some Motrin, until the next morning…. to be continued

Sunday September 26.2021

This was Saturday afternoon I told my dad I was going to shower while in the shower I wasn’t feeling so good I had to rush and wrap myself in a towel and go sat under the ac because I was feeling very tired and shaking. My mom came in my room and said I didn’t so good, still in awful pain I had a nail appointment that I made last week so I went with mom feeling ok, it took like 30 minutes to do. I got back in the car feeling very tired again, I walked into my house put my stuff down I crawled into bed and continued to watched golden girls I fell asleep again and mom was still rubbing my back. I just couldn’t get comfortable I was moving all my bed.

My mom said do you want to go hospital I immediately said yes it was so hard to get dress my mom helped me while getting the hospital bag ready. I was in so pain it was very difficult to walk so my dad swung me over his shoulders and put me in my mom cars. While driving to the hospital I felt every single stop, bump, and turn in the road. I was crying”. I need relief, I need fast” for me to say that means the pain was sky high. Couldn’t get comfortable always turning and sitting still was so hard in the car.

I got to the emergency room at this point the pain was beyond a 10 more like 10,000 I felt like drawing out of my skin and curling up into a ball until the pain was 100% gone. Once I got in the back and the nurses started an IV for fluids I got strong *pain medication. I would sleep for 10 minutes and right back up balling crying, turning, asking for more relief.

I was being transferred to the 3 floor which was orthopedic floor with a clean hospital bed. I was going in and out of pain in between trying to sleep to the prior medication I was given back at home. My mom was always rubbing my back, hips, and legs. Getting up to use the restroom felt like my legs were set on fire and about to break at any moment. I spent that night and half the that next morning in so much pain and agony.

Monday September 27. 2021

It was the next morning still in was much pain. I did a chest X-ray and take and *nebulizer breathing treatment. This sweet nurse told my mom and I, I needed to be *I.C.U because my oxygen level was at a 45 and had pneumonia, no one on this planet earth should be at a 45. SIDE-NOTE: I cried but I remember when my auntie I wasn’t allowed in the ICU to say my goodbyes because I was to young I was 14 when she pass away from cancer. My body was asking for help and I was transferred to the I.C.U. Once I got into the ICU the nurses put me on the this *high flow oxygen machine. It felt like I was growing in my air the oxygen was going so fast up my nose and the taste was horrible.

I really didn’t have an appetite but I knew I eat something so I won’t have another on my hands. I took a few bites for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Still coughing, in an *active sickle cell crisis , pain was going on. I was in misery I just wanted home to see my sister.

Tuesday September 28. 2021

This morning I did so much such as go get a *CAT scan, do a *echocardiography and I need to use the restroom today. The nurse get a wheelchair for me, it felt so good to come out of ICU. I did a CAT scan before so I was use to it. I got to my room I made a thumbs up gesture to my mom. A few hours went then the echocardiogram technician came to my room, I was pretty nosey she allowed me to look. I asked questions because I was curious the way my heart sounded when she put on the audio gave me more power to fight my way out of the ICU.

The pain management doctor came to ask how is my pain and have went yet. I said my pain is ok and no I haven’t went he said ok and said that he would make a medical mixture for me. I was ok with that.

For rest of the day doctors and different labs techincan came in my room.

Wednesday September 29. 2021

I sat up the chair cause the bed was staring to get uncomfortable and by this time I haven’t went to bathroom and it was kind of getting painful by I still needed eat still taking a few bites of breakfast and I said to my mom that my stomach was hurting. In the ICU there is a little separator dividing the room in the corner was a toilet. ⚠️ TMI ⚠️ Ever since I was born I suffered and still suffer from constipation. That morning I took the mixture pill with my other medication. Let me tell you when I sat on that toilet it was like WW3 I could destroy the whole of Afghanistan the smell that came out my body could have taken me out. It went on for some time back to back ever for the next few days.

After I went I was so hungry any time a nurse came in and ask me if I wanted anything I said yes I usually got ginger ale and chocolate pudding, I love me some snack pack chocolate pudding.

I want to shoutout to my mom because I had so many wires on me, she did everything for me if you know what I mean 😉

Every hour my nurse came to check on me and my mom and ever 4 hours to me my iv medication and if I needed any pain medication. I started to wean off the pain medication because I didn’t want to get addicted to them but if I needed I would ask politely.

I had to sleep on my left side because I had the pneumonia was in my right lung. So I facing the door to my room I prayed to God basically saying: Dear God, please heal my lung so I can get out of ICU and to be able to see my sister and dad. I know that you can do it I believe in you.

Thursday September 30. 2021

Still in the ICU feeling much still can’t take a deep breath but I was working on the *breathing spirometer that is mess felt like hell. More doctors came in to update me and my mom, they said I looked perfectly fine but my CAT scan and X-ray was showing that I had fluid overload, a small amount of fluid around of heart, and pneumonia.

In my head I was like I need to get out of here. Still working on the breathing barometer trying to cleat my lung coughing like a maniac and sitting up off my lungs.

That night the new season of station 19 and grey anatomy came on so my mom and I watched while I ate my hospital dinner and mom had her dinner. After that I FaceTime my sister as I did ever night in hospital saying goodnight and making jokes I say goodnight and can’t wait to get home to her.

Ever other night my mom changes my wound I had of 10 years now; she was coming to the end of wrapping the rolled gauze around my foot. Around the same time the I got a new night shift nurse she would so sweet and her charge nurse pass her a piece of paper. She read it and wrote on my room board 2258 and said that I was switching floors. At that moment I knew God heard my prayer for the night before I was so excited that I was moving rooms.

My mom stared to packed our belongs and checking the room to see if we had left anything in the cabinet.

Friday October 1 2021

It was barley 1:00 in the morning on our way to the new floor. This floor was called *PCU entering our new room 2258 where we spent the next three days in. I told my mom one day closer to seeing my sister; the nurses slid me over to my new bed which was super uncomfortable. Now on this new floor between 12 and 4 they you sleep which was very comforting to hear.

I really didn’t sleep cause cause there was lab technicians taking my blood and nurses taking vitals sign. Once the sun came up my mom and I started to get up. I had such an appetite I ate all of my breakfast and was still hungry but my mom kept a sash of little snack from previous breakfast, Lunch, and dinner trays that I didn’t eat prior to being backed up so I had my favorite combo ginger ale and snack pack chocolate pudding.

The same doctor from the ICU came up was updated my mom and I still looked fine on the outside but the inside was still acting up. After they left I did so research why are keeping it is because I had a low grade fever due to pneumonia that’s all.

The physical therapist came in to work with me and my limp due to the wound I had and still have for 10 years. I walked the entire PCU floor, basic excise like in and out kicks, stepping in place, hip opener, and muscle resistance.

The more I felt better the more food was on my hospital food tray that night for dinner I had pasta and meatball with ice tea, and chocolate pudding. For the rest of night my mom and I watched tv and was heading to bed.

Saturday October 2. 2021

That morning my mom and I had a mission I was to freshen up, take my meds, let the nurses give me my Iv antibiotic and we were going for a walk on the PCU floor. After all that I decided to sit up in the chair again. The doctors came in and still I was feeling better but the x-rays were getting clearer still had pneumonia but I since couching and using my breathing barometer is was getting better. They wanted to still keep me over night to watch me for any fever spikes.

The fever spikes will only happened at 12:00 in the night so they still concerned about that. Physical therapist came to walked me and this time I didn’t even realized that I walked the over floor I was going my speed like yesterday but it seemed faster.

My dad stopped by to give me some really pretty flowers and to relieve my mom so she can go home and freshen up and checked on to my sister. My dad and I went for a walk and by the time we finished she was on her back to the hospital. She brought Popeyes and we watched the movie Selena I almost cried because I heard how she died by never got to watch it, it was the older one with Jennifer Lopez.

We continue to watch tv as we went to bed.

Sunday October 3 .2021

This was the morning I felt that I was going to be discharged form the hospital and on our way home. For breakfast I had some pancakes and sausage to drink I had some orange juice and the nurse gave me my medication and I was just chilling. The doctors came in by now it was just the fever spikes at night was reason they kept me an extra night. The nurse I had was trying to discharge me I really appreciated that.

Lunch time had just begun at the same time the nurse had came into my room to tell me I had been discharged in mid bite of my pasta and meatball I just felt it I was so happy to see my sister and dad. She said do you want to finish your lunch or just want to be discharge I said I wanted to be discharged so she was took off my heart monitor, pulse oximeter, and the IV I had.

She read me my discharge papers that I had to sign after that she went to go get a wheelchair and my mom went ahead down to get the car. For a moment I was left in the room by myself I turned on some gospel music and was praising God and thanking him for bringing me out of this one.

I told my mom to not to tell my dad I was being discharged cause I wanted to surprise him. He even called me I said the I using the bathroom the truth was I was sitting sign my discharge papers. While being rolled down to the lobby I kept thanking God for all his had done.

Pulling up to my house I got out of the car rang the doorbell and my dad opened the door and was so surprised and my sister was still sleeping so I waited until she had gotten up to tell her that I was in the ICU she just was surprised.

Now it has been four days I been home feeling much better still keeping up on my water intake and taking my temperature, oxygen levels and working on my breathing spirometer. God has and will forever been by my family and I side in times of needs he is just so good, caring, loving, merciful. Thank you God.

*pain medication: Dilaudid: treat moderate to severe pain

*nebulizer: A device for producing a fine spray of liquid, used for example for inhaling a medicinal drug

*I.C.U: a unit in a hospital providing intensive care for critically ill or injured patients that is staffed by specially trained medical personnel and has equipment that allows for continuous monitoring and life support

*high flow oxygen machine: Only offered if traditional oxygen therapy isn't helping, high flow oxygen therapy helps reduce the effort your body needs to put into breathing. By decreasing the effort of breathing and creating a small amount of positive pressure in the upper airways, this therapy helps improve oxygen delivery.

*active sickle cell crisis (in my opinion): is the pain the starts you feel it as the bad cells dies off

*CAT scan: n X-ray image made using a form of tomography in which a computer controls the motion of the X-ray source and detectors, processes the data, and produces the image.

*echocardiogram:a test of the action of the heart using ultrasound waves to produce a visual display, used for the diagnosis or monitoring of heart disease.

*breathing Spirometer:a common office test used to assess how well your lungs work by measuring how much air you inhale, how much you exhale and how quickly you exhale.

*PCU: The Progressive Care Unit or PCU is a telemetry (vital signs) monitored unit that provides care for adult patients requiring continuous cardiac monitoring

Love T.B.❤️

#sicklecellwarriors

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calzona-ga · 4 years ago

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SPOILER ALERT: Do not read if you haven’t watched the March 11 crossover episodes of “Station 19” (“Train in Vain”) and “Grey’s Anatomy” (“Helplessly Hoping”) on ABC.

RIP, Andrew DeLuca: surgical attending at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, ex-boyfriend of Meredith Grey, brother of Carina DeLuca, and, as of ABC’s crossover episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Station 19″ on Thursday night, murder victim by the hand of a henchman in a trafficking ring. Yes, DeLuca (Giacomo Gianniotti) was stabbed by one of the human traffickers he and Carina (Stefania Spampinato) had chased through Seattle, and despite receiving care at his own hospital, he died. But his efforts weren’t in vain, we learn: The traffickers are all arrested.

It was the culmination of a “Grey’s Anatomy” story that had been cut short by the COVID-19 production shutdown in March. In what turned out to be one of the final episodes of Season 16, DeLuca suspected a patient was being trafficked by her so-called “aunt” who had brought her to the hospital, but because he was in the middle of a manic episode, no one believed him. In the midseason finale of “Grey’s” in December, DeLuca — medicated for his bipolar disorder, well-rested and clear-eyed — spotted the trafficker, Opal (Stephanie Kurtzuba), and this time, he wasn’t going to let her get away.

In an interview with Gianniotti, who was on “Grey’s” for seven seasons, he said that when he learned how his character was going to die, he’d wanted to make sure that it was apparent that DeLuca — “a very brave and noble person,” in Gianniotti’s words — go out as “a pillar of representation for people struggling with mental health.”

“It wasn’t that he was unmedicated and unrested, and that’s what led him to put himself in a dangerous situation,” Gianniotti said. “This was the most DeLuca thing DeLuca has ever done.”

In the episode, as DeLuca hovered between life and death, he communed with Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) on the beach where she has spent most of this season, also in a liminal state, having been taken down by COVID in the season premiere. There, Meredith has hung out with Derek (Patrick Dempsey), her dead husband, and George (T.R. Knight), her dead friend — as well as characters who are still alive.

Of his beach scenes with Meredith, Gianniotti said: “You see DeLuca more happy and relaxed than you’ve ever seen him ever on the show, because all of those stressors are all gone. And he’s with the person whom he loves, which puts them even more at peace.”

“Grey’s Anatomy” — now its 17th season, and still the one most watched shows on television — is itself in limbo, according to showrunner Krista Vernoff. With negotiations with Pompeo for a contract extension ongoing, Vernoff told Variety she has to “plan for both contingencies” as she and the writers room map out the end of the season — or the series.

Though DeLuca is dead, Vernoff revealed that we haven’t seen the last of him — that’s what the beach is for, it seems. And Gianniotti, mentored by “Grey’s” executive producer-director Debbie Allen, returned recently to direct an episode that will air in the spring. He will miss the fans, Gianniotti said: “I’ve never seen a show be so beloved. To feel that love, and have felt that love over the seven seasons has really been remarkable.”

As Vernoff said, “He’s still in the family.”

In an interview, Vernoff talked about how she conceived of DeLuca’s death, the difficulties of not knowing whether the show is ending and how shooting during COVID has changed “Grey’s Anatomy.”

And what in God’s name is happening on the beach!?!

You killed DeLuca.

I’m the worst.

How did this story come about?

Honestly, the story told itself to me. I went for my walk on the beach to come up with my pitches, and these episodes came in whole cloth, like a vision. And I was like, “Oh, no! Really, that’s the story?” And it was. We knew as I pitched it that it was the midseason finale story.

Sometimes stories tell themselves to you, and your heart just breaks. You’re like, “That’s not what I want the end of that story to be!” But that’s so much of life this year.

Can you talk about killing a major character this season, and having the cause of death not be COVID?

That was born, I’m certain, of my psyche wrestling with all of the ongoing tragedies and traumas in the world not stopping due to COVID. There’s this feeling of injustice, like, no, COVID is enough. But sometimes you’re going through all of it at once.

Can you talk about putting DeLuca on the beach with Meredith, and the larger meaning of the beach as a storytelling device this year?

The beach was born out of desire to have an escape from the pandemic.

We came back before almost anyone else. And the actors were scared, and nobody really knew for sure that all the safety protocols were going to work. Doing the pandemic felt like the right thing creatively, but it also felt like the thing that was going to make the actors feel safe to come back to work, because they were all going to be able to be in masks. And if they weren’t, they would be outside. And once the decision was made to do COVID, and then the decision was made to give Meredith COVID, it felt like a way to get Meredith outside without a mask, and in a non-pandemic world.

If you’re a magical thinker like I am, that beach is a real magical in-between place. But if you’re not, if you are not a believer in magical things — if you are an atheist, a scientist, a whatever, my stepsons don’t believe in a magical place — we’ve designed it very carefully so that it also could just be a dream. So anytime someone’s on that beach with Meredith, they are also in her room so she’s hearing their voices from her hospital bed.

When DeLuca visits her on the beach, for me, DeLuca’s between life and death. For my stepsons, Meredith heard in her hospital room that something happened to DeLuca. So now she’s dreaming DeLuca! I wanted very much for the motif to work no matter what you believed.

It just feels to me like whatever you believe, that’s right.

DeLuca has been on the show for a long time. What did you want his final episode to say about him?

I think he went out a hero. I think that he went out fighting for what he believed in. And he was through his mental health crisis. He’d become a very productive member of the hospital staff. And he wasn’t going to let this woman walk away again.

What was it like when you told Giacomo Gianniotti what was going to happen to DeLuca?

He was so relieved that I was not having him kill himself, or go out in a mania frenzy. And he was excited to play it — he played the hell out of it. He actually does appear in a couple more episodes this season. And he’s directing an episode.

I’m going to assume that Meredith wakes up and finds out that he’s dead. Do you see the beach as a place she’ll have an awareness or a memory of in any way?

Yes.

OK!

I don’t have too much more to say about that, because I don’t want to spoil too much. And also: Sometimes I change my mind. But at the moment, yes.

It’s been such a heavy season for both “Grey’s” and “Station 19,” reflecting the world right now. But I know that’s not necessarily where your heart is as a storyteller. Can you talk about where the thinking is on continuing “Grey’s Anatomy”?

When you’re living through a pandemic, and you’re coming back amidst a pandemic, and you decide to do the pandemic, the nature of the storytelling turns a little bit darker. And so for this moment, it is where my heart is.

And I also feel like my heart as a storyteller, my sense of light, and my sense of hope and beauty and joy that infuses most of what I do is expressed through that beach. The joy, the collective joy for all of us in getting to see Derek Shepherd again, getting to see George O’Malley again, in getting out of the hospital and getting onto the beach, and seeing Meredith’s relief there — I know that we’re worried about her, but also there’s joy.

And in terms of whether or not it’s the last season of “Grey’s Anatomy,” I don’t know. And that’s the truth. I wish I knew. It’s a source of frustration at this point. And it sort of doubles my job, my workload, because I have to plan for both contingencies. But I am. And God willing, I’ll know soon.

It can’t end like this! Can you reveal how many episodes will be in this season of “Grey’s Anatomy”?

17.

That’s a lot.

It is a lot. Yeah, it’s a lot, considering what we’re navigating.

Will anyone else be joining Meredith on the beach?

Yes! But I won’t tell you.

Returning cast members or current?

There are some surprises in store.

Now that you have shot more than half the season during COVID, can you talk about what you’ve learned over the course of the year?

The crew is exhausted because they’re behind masks and visors all day. The masks and visors are dehydrating and stultifying, and as a result, you need more breaks. You need to send everybody off the stage to take their masks and visors off to hydrate. You can’t ask everybody to be there for 12 or 13 hours at a stretch. So we’re shooting 10-hour days. And that is a really significant change to what we’re able to accomplish and shoot.

What I’ve learned, and I’m continuing to learn, is how to write the show in a way that makes it producible — we cannot have scenes with as many characters in them. And we cannot have as many scenes. And we cannot have as many locations! Because we can’t have as many company moves. All of it has to become smaller, and that changes the stories we tell. If you usually have five or six people in a scene, and now you usually have two people in a scene, sometimes the whole cast isn’t in the episode. You look at an episode and you’re like, “Where’s Amelia?” Well, she’s home with the kids! We didn’t make the company move.

I think that there are silver linings: Deeper, longer richer scenes are really beautiful things sometimes. But they’re different for “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Do you see a light at the end of the tunnel, both for these fictional characters and for all of us?

Yes, I do! I feel like we’re all living the light at the end of the tunnel right now as our parents and grandparents get vaccinated. And as we begin to emerge, hopefully, from this year of cocoon. I feel like we’re living in in some light, and I do see a light at the end of the tunnel for these characters,whether this is the end of the series or the end of the season.

There’s so much coming up! I know this one is going to be devastating for the fans. And I feel it too. I cried harder watching this episode, this cut, than I’ve cried since I watched the episode where George O’Malley died. And that is a really powerful tribute to the character that we built and to the actor.

#grey's anatomy #krista vernoff #andrew deluca #giacomo gianniotti #variety #spoiler #17x07

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cowboylikedean · 4 years ago

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folklermore spn finale: the last great american dynasty

Okay so this post took forever to write for a couple reasons.

First of all, this one is special in that it has two readings for my grief.

The first one is terrible and heartbreaking and honestly I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it. I see Andrew Dabb as THE great villain of Supernatural, and he truly had a marvelous time ruining everything. The sarcastic nature of the song goes in to speak to the fact that I feel legitimately crazy for how much I blame him. It’s sad and heartbreaking. I think about it sometimes when i hear this song and instantly force myself to stop thinking about it and go back to the other view.

So the other view is more what you might expect with the vibe of the song... but it is SO HARD for me to put into words, I found. So I’m sorry if this is messy and disjointed and all over the place.

I spoke in cardigan’s post about how I’m not the fan the show wanted and there’s a large part of the narrative in the folkermore-spn-finale feelings for me that expresses not being the fan the narrative wanted or needed.... Most of the time this is brought up in this, it’s angry, or sad, or whatever... but this time... this time it celebrates it.

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Putting this under a cut because it’s very long. I didn’t mean for this to get this long rip.

I let myself sink into the feelings of wonder and awe I felt when I first fell in love with the show and then let myself find the conclusion that IF I did in fact “ruin everything” (aka the show) by not being the fan the show needed me to be to enjoy it, at least I had a good fucking time!

From that first bit where Taylor sings that Rebekah’s salt box house took her mind of St. Louis.... Supernatural took my mind off my life too. I remember when I first watched the show, I was 20 and I’d just failed out of school (the first time). I was lying to my mother and her husband (who I lived with) about going to school. I rode the city bus at the time because I didn’t have my license yet. I’d leave the house and say I was going to the bus stop down the street. Instead, I hid in the woods that separated my neighborhood from my grandfather’s back yard. I worked at his house “after school” every day from 4-6, taking care of his house, doing light cleaning and cooking, helping him adjust to being a double amputee so it worked out nice. Every night I pre-loaded 5 hours of episodes on my computer so I didn’t need the internet and every day I would sit in the cold on a log and put my computer on a slightly bigger log and curl up in my warm coat for a day of Supernatural before heading inside to Pappou’s house at 4. Sometimes, I just waited until the afternoon when I knew my mom would be gone and I could go home where it was warm and I had wifi. Sometimes though I got wrapped up and I just stayed there.. all day.

Supernatural is, what I would consider, one of the last great american TV shows. Like... It’s right there with Grey’s Anatomy as the last TV shows that have an actual following where people watch it and it’s a thing that haven’t been corrupted by the streaming world. Television is so important to me, it’s my favorite medium of storytelling and it’s been lost. Streaming destroyed it. People say we’re living in a “golden age” because there’s “so much good TV” but there’s NOT! What we have is high production quality on a lot of mini-series and long-format movies that have been randomly split up into “episodes” but don’t make sense if you space them out in any way. The episodic serial format of television has been LOST and that’s heartbreaking...

But to me... this song... it’s about The Last Great American TV Show, The Last Great American Fandom, The Last Great American Dynasty over my life, my fandom, my relationship with tv, and my world view.

The line “How did a middle class divorcee do it?” also just... First of all there’s something so distinctly American about it... We all know Supernatural is itself a sort of lover letter to Americana... it’s the aesthetic of Nowhere USA which is part of what makes it so effective and heartbreaking. The line in the song is about how Rebekah was just... boring, average, a little sad. Someone unremarkable you feel a little pity for. That’s the Nowhere USA of the aesthetic of the show... THAT’S the heartbeat of “Americana.” It’s boring, average, unremarkable, a little sad, you kinda pity it, it shouldn’t be that deep, but it is. It’s when the unremarkable accomplishes the remarkable. And that’s the whole myth they fed us as kids, isn’t it? I could never explain the beauty of this line inside or outside the context of Supernatural to someone who isn’t US American so I’ll just stop trying... but it’s just kljasfkd

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that first stanza in the first verse... When I fell in love with Supernatural, I was boring unremarkable, a little sad... and the show was a wealth of possibilities... but also I was at a point where I was getting over the main fandom I’d had for the past year and a half (Buffy) and I had just fallen in love with Sherlock and I had nothing but time. I wasn’t bogged down with the anxiety of school, I got to devote my whole life and existence to this show. I was also a wealth of possibilities, and as we know the show was also boring, average, unremarkable, and a little sad. Both me and the show were Bill and both me and the show were Rebekah.

So when the wedding between me and the show was charming, if a little gauche it made sense cause there’s only so far new money goes. For me, this represents 2012-Mishapocalpyse: The Golden Age... Look... It’s no secret 2012 was my favorite year of all time... Tumblr was small and fun and hadn’t been corrupted by wanting or trying to be “cool” or “edgy” or “interesting.” I chose the mishapocalypse for the end of this era to me because that was the last time I felt like I could come on tumblr and really just LET GO into insanity. Almost instantly people were shit talking it as if it was not the single most fun 24 hours this website had ever had. In 2013, we saw the rise of YFIP and people trying so hard to “””prove””” they were “”””cool”””” unlike ~those~ tumblr people!!! It was pathetic. But in 2012, we just... had fun. And it was charming, if a little out there. But there really is only so far that the youthful innocence of an online community that’s new goes.

But I picked out a home on tumblr. And our parties were tasteful if a little loud. Tumblr in 2012/2013 was..... Fun. From mapcrunch to the mishapocalpyse. Some would argue about taste, but I’d say... “if a little loud.” I really just can’t separate the fun I had on tumblr back then from spn and I can’t separate spn from the fun I had back then.

But then of course, we all need to settle down some times because the fun doesn’t last forever. In this line, I hear myself in both Bill and Rebekah and I hear the show in both Bill and Rebekah. Both of our hearts gave out and the other way to blame.

So then the chorus... “who knows if she never showed up what could have been?” I CHANGED because of the show, I don’t know who the hell I’d BE without it! And likewise, I don’t think *I* personally changed the actual show, but the show WAS changed by each one of us. The show itself is folklore, changed and shaped in each retelling. There’s a creative freedom to the chorus that lives in that love.

So then there’s the second verse. After the rose colored glasses came off, Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever and I gave up on the greater spn fandom forever. I dropped the hellers and joined the tight knit Dean stans. This verse is about living in spite. It’s that wild American rebellion mixed with a little bit of sensual romanticism. In season 9, it was us against the world. And the reality is we were angrier than this verse gives and less free and fun... but looking back, it felt like A Time. I don’t know how to put it into words really but it was like... We found ways (and continue to find ways) to celebrate Dean when we weren’t supposed to. Fuck everyone else Dean is perfect.

And then in the second verse, we celebrate that rebellion. The change from “the maddest woman” to “the most shameless woman” in the chorus is so important here... In the first chorus, Rebekah and I were mad and crazy and wild. In the second chorus, we had no shame. We lived IN SPITE of the state of the world around us and fucked anyone who had anything to say about it.

In the first chorus, “who knows if she never showed up what could have been” paired with “maddest” has this creative potential. Like who knows who I would have been without spn and who knows what the show would have been without us, the fandom. And in the second chorus, that line changes to this destructive force. Like the show and I were both shameless to just exist, you know? because we would have been better without each other... but even as it acknowledges that, it’s still... sweet.

So then we have the time I left the fandom. Here we only hear bits and pieces of Rebekah’s life and Rebekah’s time in Holiday House. She was only seen “on occasion.” And on occasion, you could find me reblogging some Dean stan posts, getting into spats with Sam stans, posting about how the writers suck, calling out a heller. But 7 years is a long time and my fandom sat quietly in the history of my blog... And then it was picked up by me.

Rebekah, in the song, refers to my past. My previous relationship with the show. Taylor’s part refers to my current relationship with the show.

Who knows if I never showed up what could have been? If I never came back, what would my life look like? It would have been healthier, I’m sure. But then again - I needed this. And if the show hadn’t came back who would I be?

But there goes the loudest non-woman this fandom has ever seen. I will scream from the ROOFTOPS! and what I want to scream is EVERYTHING from the past but with my full grown adult context. I know now more than I knew then that I had a MARVELOUS TIME ~ruining everything~!!! And I get to CELEBRATE THAT! I get to let go and have fun. I get to sit and think of Nov 5 and how that night, I relived those parties that were tasteful if a little loud. And then every day since I relived flying in the Bitch Pack friends from the city. I get to CELBRATE!

I may not have been the fan the show wanted. I may have fucked shit up. I may have lived in spite of this show even when I lived because of it. But damn I had a marvelous FUCKING TIME Ruining. Everything. Everything this show built it wanted me to see and love and appreciate with these toxic fucking relationships and the destruction of Dean Winchester can KISS MY ASS cause I had a MARVELOUS time fucking that shit up. Everything this show wanted from me that I refused to give it. Every SPEC of growth and learning and fun and enjoyment I have had from this show.... was toxic. It ruined it. Because it was not the growth and learning and fun and enjoyment the show WANTED ME TO HAVE. But damn did I have fun.

The show and I are the last great American dynasty full of rebellion and spite and damn is it fun.

#tlgad #taylor analysis #putting this in that tag because i mean #folklermore spn finale #personal #i SPENT FOREVER on this #god i'm so glad i got this out #but i don't know if it will make sense to anyone but me #tlgad spn finale

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puckngrind · 5 years ago

Text

My favorite girl

So this is my first writing...let me know what you think!

warnings: none really, maybe a swear word or two.

Word count: 2,643

(edited again 8/29/20)

You met Josh years ago when some friends convinced you to go out to a bar downtown on a weeknight. You realized quickly as you walked into the jam packed bar that several Blue Jackets were guest bartending. While you loved hockey, the thought of pushing your way to the front seemed ridiculous. You spotted an empty corner high top and almost ran towards it not realizing it was already taken.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you sitting here?” You asked the tall man who was leaning against the table with his drink resting on it, fingers wrapped around the glass.

“Um, yeah. Sorta but you can have it if you don’t mind if I keep standing here?” You couldn’t stop staring at his memorizing blue eyes and pink cheeks. The smirk on his face was one of a kind.

“Yeah, sure. My friends should be over here in a minute. They went to the bar.” You pointed over to the chaos.

“And you didn’t want to go over there, meet the hockey stars?”

“It’s not really my thing. I’d rather watch them skate.” You stuck your hand out to shake his. “I’m (y/n) by the way.” He grabbed your hand and told you he was Josh and new to the area. While everyone seemed to have Blue Jacket shirts on you caught a glimpse of the emblem on his golf shirt as he shifted. “So, you like hockey then? I mean is that why you are here?” Josh’s smirk returned to his face and his head tilted to the side like he was trying to formulate an answer.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Josh stated with a laugh. Your friends joined, gushing about the new defensive man, Jones, and how nice Boone and Murray were. You introduced them to Josh and kept on the small talk. You didn’t think you would see him again.

That fall, you were standing in line at Starbucks near the arena. As you looked at the board debating on what you wanted you could feel someone leaning in behind you.

“So are you PSL kinda girl?” The deep laugh and voice sounded familiar. You turned quickly on your heel ready to tell off the boy who thought you were just a basic midwest girl only to find that sweet face that you shared a table with staring at you with that same smirk on his face.

“Only usually have one in October. I don’t have a typical order. And you? Pumpkin Spice your thing?” You looked at him waiting for a response.

“Not exactly. So (y/n), what are you ordering for us today?” He asked pointing to the board. You were shocked he even remembered your name. You ordered two of one of your go-tos and headed to a table. He was dressed in Blue Jacket sweats this time and you still didn’t figure out who he was.

“So would you want to plan to hang out on purpose some time?” Josh asked.

“Like a date?” The words popped out before you could even stop them. “Don’t answer that.”

“I meant like friends really. I don’t have any friends outside of... uh... my job. Plus you are pretty easy to talk to.” He looked confused but you thought it was from the embarrassment from your comment. You slid over your phone to have him put his number in. You sent him a text with a face palm emoji and this is (y/n).

That was it. You became best friends with Josh Anderson quickly and he loved that he wasn’t hockey player Josh Anderson when he would come hang out and take over your television and most of your couch. You would watch all the Bachelor shows together and if he was home in Toronto or on the road you would FaceTime to watch together. His commentary normally had you laughing so hard you were crying by the end of the show. He would make fun of you crying while you watched Grey’s Anatomy or the latest Rom-Com that he secretly loved and swore if you told anyone he would stop coming over. He knew you hated any horror movie so he would torture you with them especially around Halloween which is always his favorite.

Your friendship over the years was comfortable. His mom frequently spent more time with you than him when she was in town and his siblings would take your spare room if more than one were in town. Josh fit in with your friends and you somehow fit in with his teammates, even though they still gave you a hard time about not knowing who they were at first without their names and numbers on their backs.

You had been texting and snapping with Josh all day. He was headed back to Columbus this weekend to get his place in order and start training camp. You were dancing around the kitchen with the music up way too loud making cookies. All of a sudden familiar arms wrapped around your waist and raised you off of the ground. Whispering into your ear almost kissing it, Josh’s voice was strong over the music. “How’s my favorite girl? I’ve missed you so much.” You squealed. Out of being scared half to death and excited that he was standing in your kitchen. You turned around and slammed your hand to his chest.

“You scared the hell out of me J!” You yelled before turning down the music.

He threw his head back and laughed. He wrapped you into another hug. “But didn’t you miss me?” He gave you that smirk you loved.

“I saw you a few weeks ago in Sudbury for Nick’s thing, remember? And you DID come to Columbus a few times.” Meeting his eyes with a smirk of your own. Knowing he wanted a “yes of course” to come out of your mouth. He reached over your shoulder to stick his finger in your batter and bringing it to his mouth.

“So what do we have here? Is my girl making me welcome home cookies?” He sucked the batter off of his finger. “Ohhh... my favorite. How’d you know?” You elbowed him in his side and rolled your eyes. While the cookies baked you caught up, which seems silly since you talked or texted everyday so catching up really was the same old banter. You couldn’t help but notice that he kept calling you ‘my girl’ while you frequently used babe and honey and other nicknames over the years, this one was new. You were always called his girlfriend on social media by fangirls and they would be up in arms with Josh was spotted with another women. You eventually set your accounts to private to keep the comments from creeping on your page too. You two didn’t seem to care and he would have you accompany him to events especially if they involved kids or dressing up. Thing was you never dated and the topic was never discussed. When you went out it was always with his teammates or your friends to group things like concerts, dinners, and other activities around Columbus. Normally he would come hang out at your house because (according to Josh) the suburbs were so much quieter and you actually had food in your pantry and fridge. You were pretty sure it was the entertainment system your brother set up and the fire pit on the patio that he really loved. Josh was always there. He would sling his muscular arm around you and pull you into hugs and when you were out he wasn’t more than an arms length away from you. You were each other’s person.

The cookies were done and ready to be iced. Josh decided he was going to help you. Hunched over with his sleeves pushed up he started. You looked up and saw the face you’ve seen so many times. The face he made when he was stopped by fans around town or at a team signing event and even when he bought you some skates and re-laced them. This face of concentration always made you laugh. Josh’s tongue sticking slightly through his teeth and his eyebrows creased together.

“So, are you ready for the season? Did your training go well?” You asked. He looked up from his focus on the cookies.

“Are you really asking me about my training? Like you don’t know? We talk every day (y/n).” Your face turns red with the look he was giving you. It was different just like the my girl comments before. He moves around the island and stands in front of you. “Why are you asking about my training?” He was too close for your comfort. He’d been this close to you countless of times but something was different.

“I... I... I...” words. Words were not forming in your head because all you could think about was the words my girl that he kept using and the fact that he surprised you. And you backed up from him towards the hall when you eye caught glimpse of the table by the door. “Is that for someone?” Your eyes were wide as you backed up further and pointed at the gorgeous orchid now sitting on your entry table which was not there before.

“Yeah, they are your favorite right?” He smiles while rubbing the back of his neck. He quickly brushes past you to grab the potted plant.

“um... yes... how? why? Josh? What?” You could not formulate a full thought to save your life. The boy you loved to spend every free moment with was acting weird and it made you feel things that you ignored for years.

“(y/n), you okay? You like it right?” He looks at you with the face that all the girls at the bars swoon over. You saw it so many times and he was usually oblivious to the looks he got from girls.

“Josh, yes. I love it. But why?” You ask face the color of a tomato and thoughts cloudy.

“To show you how much I missed you. That’s all. Stop being weird. Let’s catch up on Bachelor in Paradise okay?” As he takes your hand and moves towards your living room. Making himself right at home he pats the seat next to him to encourage you to sit.

While watching, you slip into your normal ways. He has your side hurting so much from laughing that you are sure you pulled a muscle. By the end his hand was on your knee as your feet were tucked under yourself. You didn’t notice it at first but then you feel the heat from his hand as his rubs against your leggings.

“Let’s head to Forno’s tomorrow for brunch. I haven’t had it since leaving and not exactly on my diet once the season really starts.” He kept his focus on the screen and his hand on your knee.

“Oh, yum. Who’s all going? Who is back in town?” You were looking at Josh and not the television.

“Um, most of the guys are back but I meant just the two of us. I guess we can invite some of the guys but there is the end of summer party at the Dubinsky’s next weekend and you will see everyone there.” Still, not looking at you and confident as always when it came to your conversations. The sometimes shy hockey player Josh Anderson that you saw in interviews was not the same man you had befriended all those years ago.

“Really? Alone? The two of us?” Your voice cracked and he turned his attention to you.

“Is there a problem with us going to brunch alone? Are you afraid to be out with me in public? Do I smell or something?” He sniffed his shirt and then poked you in your side. You smiled and blushed again.

“I mean we normally don’t go out just the two of us. And you’ve been... different... today. Like something is up.” You poked him back and his face matched yours. He’s fully facing you now and his hand has moved to your hand while the smirk on his face is hard to read you feel like he is reading you like a book. A book that Josh has been studying since he landed in Columbus after winning the Calder in Cleveland.

“(y/n), I love you.” You looked at him and smiled.

“I love you too Josh but what is up?” Josh stands up quickly from the couch and is now towering over you from where you are sitting. He starts to pace a little.

“No, no, no. You aren’t hearing me (y/n). I fucking love you. Like want you to be not only my best friend but mine.” Josh stops and is looking down at you with his piercing blue eyes and flaming red cheeks. You stand to up next to him and start to talk but he puts his finger to your lips to stop you. “Look, I know we’ve been friends forever and I love our relationship but I was sitting with Seth in the Bahamas and the only thing I kept thinking was why isn’t (y/n) here.” You are shocked at what Josh is telling you.

“Josh, that was May right? And...” He cuts you off again.

“Yes, I know. I didn’t know what to think about how I felt. It changes everything. Even just telling you all this changes everything and the thought of losing you makes me sick. But here is the thing, I want all of you. I want to be yours and you mine. My family already loves you. I’m pretty sure my mom likes you more than me most days. Your family is seriously the best and has taken me in for all the holidays that I can’t go home for because of my schedule. You are my rock. The place I land. I missed you so damn much this summer it hurt. That’s when I realized that this friendship was way more than a friendship to me. You are my girl. If you will have me?” He combs his hand into his hair as he stares at you. Your best friend just confessed his love for you. You couldn’t put into words what that meant so you did something better. Stretching on your tippy toes and cupping his face with your hands you moved closer to him. Josh takes the cue from you. He dipped his head down and crashed his soft lips into yours. His one hand landing on the back of your neck and the other at the small of your back to keep you close to him.

“So, I guess that’s my answer?” He asks slightly winded. Smiling at you in a way that made your insides turn to mush. “So are we making this official? You are my girl?” He slightly kissed your lips again and loosens his hold of you.

“Yes, J. I love you too. But can we keep it off social media for now?” You batted your eyes at him and he laughs.

“I’m not sure I can keep the guys from telling everyone. They’ve all heard my pro and con list all summer. I’m pretty sure they will be more excited than me.”

“More than you eh?” You poke at his rock hard abs and attempt to sound Canadian with your midwest accent.

“No, I’m over the moon.” Josh says as he picks you up and swings your legs around the living room. He kisses your forehead before putting you down. “So, Frono’s tomorrow? When do you want me to pick you up?”

“How about you just stay?” your eyebrow moves up as you pull Josh towards your bedroom. Your boy wastes no time sweeping you off your feet and carrying you towards your bed.

#josh anderson #josh anderson imagine #j. anderson #cbj #my andy man 77

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let-it-raines · 6 years ago

Text

Not Your (soul)Mate {1/?}

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused.

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate.

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

Rating: Mature (mostly for jokes now and for...other things later)

A/N: Hello, friends! It’s me coming at you with more words! This time they’re of the supernatural variety for @cssns with *gasp* a soulmate fic. It’s a fun one guys. Seriously. It’s an absolutely ridiculous concept (soulmates + aroused by each other’s voices), but I’m having fun writing it! I’ve got eight chapters written so far, and I’m itching to share them with you!

A special shoutout to @captainsjedi for her incredible artwork and for being my number one cheerleader as these words were dragged out of me. I feel super honored for her to have made this art for my story! And thank you to the organizers for doing such great work! So, everybody ready? 😁

Found on AO3 | Here |

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @dreameronarooftop15 @searchingwardrobes @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @artistic-writer @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @thejollyroger-writer @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81@thejollyroger-writer @xellewoods @cssns

-/-

One.

Two.

Three.

It’s the pattern he keeps tapping against his thigh as he sits at his desk, the clock on the wall ticking loud enough for him to hear. If he’s busy enough, it’s silent. But when he has time to idle and not focus on something in particular, when he’s anxious to get to go home, he can hear each individual tick as the seconds and minutes pass by. He’s always been sensitive to sounds, the quietest of whispers sometimes equivalent to yelling directly in his ear, but over the years, he’s learned to block the sounds out, to control how voices and taps and screeches affect him.

His clock is driving him insane.

He wants to go home.

And it’s not because he hates his job or anything. Sure, some days it’s like actual torture, nails on a chalkboard multiplied by at least seventeen, especially with the sensitivity of his ears, but most of the time he enjoys designing boats, ships, and the like. He enjoys working with Liam every single day and getting to draw up someone’s dream vessel like he often did as a child when he had nothing more than a pencil and a notebook of battered paper. Really, his job is a way to make his childhood dreams become a reality but in a financially responsible way.

For him. Not for the people who buy custom boats.

He likely wouldn’t enjoy it if he didn’t make any money. Designing boats is a hell of a lot of fun, but he does so enjoy having an apartment (some of the American terms have integrated into his vocabulary by now it seems) to go home to and food to eat. Honestly, he likes tea far too much to not be able to afford it.

How stereotypically British is he?

It doesn’t even matter. He likes tea, and he won’t let anyone try to convince him otherwise. His cabinet in his kitchen keeps him supplied with caffeine, and if it’s all arranged by size of bag and flavor, no one has to know that. He doesn’t live with anyone, so it’s completely fine.

Liam would make fun of him for ages if he knew of all of Killian’s little tendencies and specificities on how to run his life. Liam already has too much fun teasing him about the binders and books on his shelves in his office, but really, of all of the places to be organized, why not in the office? It’s not his fault that Liam lives in a disorganized mess.

Once a Navy man, always a Navy man doesn’t quite hold true when it comes to one half of the team at The Jewel: A Boating Design Company. He was never sold on the name, but it was Liam’s idea so he went along with it. And the odd name hasn’t seemed to keep any clients away, so it’s obviously worked out.

He still wants to go home.

And technically he could. Technically he’s a boss here and could go home whenever he wants, but he doesn’t like to leave before six. It’s bad business, and it’s never a bad thing to keep his mind focused on work. He’s always got a million thoughts whirling around in his head, and focusing on work keeps him grounded.

But today is a different day. Today is difficult for him. It’s an anniversary of sorts, but it’s not the good kind. It’s not roses (or sunflowers because in his opinion, roses are overrated) and wine and beautiful jewelry over a nice dinner with small servings when all people really want is to sit at home and eat pizza on the couch. No, it’s an anniversary of loss.

Of loss that’s not as final as death, and yet it still has its own particular sting that tends to linger. It’s a loss in his life that he’s felt many a time, but this one, this particular woman, well, her loss stung the most.

Her loss stings the most.

And it’s all because of the universe and its twisted sense of fate. He doesn’t mean that in a “weird shit happens” kind of way. He means that in the universe is a piece of shit that has lives decided before the people who live them are even born. It doesn’t matter what you do or how you live. The universe is always standing at the plate ready to throw a curveball and strike you out.

One strike.

Two strikes.

Three strikes.

You’re out.

Soulmate.

Or soul mate with two words. The universe has everything predestined, but apparently, they couldn’t decide on words in dictionaries and whether or not it was one combined word or two separate words. And that’s just scratching the surface of language and grammar, and he only speaks English and a tiny bit of French. Things just get more complicated when you move beyond that.

But that’s not the point. He can worry about grammar on another day. Right now he’s thinking about the unfortunateness of soulmates (soul mates…nope, he’s just going to decide it’s one word for him) and just how completely screwed up it all is.

No one really knows how the human race figured out that there are two people who are perfectly matched up in every single way. It doesn’t mean there aren’t fights and arguments and petty squabbles over who did the dishes or turning the air conditioner up too high. It simply means that somewhere out there, there’s a person who, when it counts, matches up to you so well that the universe has decided to they are your person.

They are the Christina Yang to your Meredith Grey.

(Yes, he’s watched Grey’s Anatomy, and no, he is not ashamed...of seasons one through six. It gets a little murky after that.)

But what happens if your soulmate dies? What happens if you never meet them? What happens if you fall in love with someone only to find out that their sign or their mark or their soul doesn’t at all match up with yours? What happens if you love someone so deeply that you don’t think your heart can take it anymore, and they leave you because the words written across their ankle are not also written across yours?

What happens if you don’t have words written at all?

He doesn’t. He doesn’t have the words. He doesn’t have any kind of indication as to how to find this so-called perfect match of his. He has no idea.

And he doesn’t need to ask the question of what happens when you love someone who is not your soulmate because he knows. He knows that the love can be real and deep and true, and yet the moment that person finds their matching mark, suddenly things start to crumble and fall apart. Questions begin to be asked, and there are no answers. There are no answers that are correct anyhow. It’s as if you’re taking one of those standardized tests where all four answers are correct, but you have to choose the one that’s the most correct.

Bullocks.

That’s the most ridiculous thing in the world, and yet he’s taken the standardized tests. He had to, but that’s really not the point.

(Also, he wonders if soulmate magic is real, are other types of magic real? Is Harry Potter based off of something true? Could he have gone to Hogwarts?)

Milah found her soulmate, and it wasn’t him. She loved him, but she let him go. And he cannot begrudge her for it. No, she’s doing what will truly make her happy, and he wants her to be happy. She deserves it.

He just wishes that it had been him.

The universe apparently had other ideas.

And four years later, he still doesn’t know his mark.

Four years later, he still loves her even if he shouldn’t, even if he knows he should have moved on.

Liam could hear Elsa’s thoughts at night when he was lying down to sleep. It wasn’t in his dreams, though he has heard of those, but simply once the darkness fell outside. They’d known each other in their thoughts since they were children, a love predestined and predetermined that found its way to life despite the countries that were spread out between them. He’s always been jealous of his older brother for a lot of things, but knowing who his love is and getting to know her for his entire life, that may be the thing which fills him with the most envy.

He’s not even sure that he wants to know who his soulmate is, but when he thinks of his brother and the happiness of his life with his wife and his children, he wonders how two people so genetically similar could have such different paths in life.

Robin’s had been a simple tattoo on his forearm. He knew that all he needed was to find his match, and even though it took into his mid-thirties, he did.

Mid-thirties are truly not old – especially since he himself just turned thirty five – but in a society that is obsessed with love and procreation, Robin might as well have been a lonely elderly man with no chance at love…and Robin’s a man. It’s much worse for women, which is fundamentally unfair. But he’s a designer of boats, not a designer of the universe, so he can’t exactly fix that.

Will, well, Will’s soulmate sign is one that Killian is rather fond of if he’s honest. He found Belle because he’d started spending time in a library, and whenever he would touch certain books, fingerprints would start glowing. They were small, dainty things, so he knew that they weren’t his. But the prints glowed, and as he moved throughout the library, he noticed that every book had fingerprints that glowed. And thus he found Belle, the librarian, and even though they don’t seem to match up, they do.

Everyone he knows is living life with someone they’re supposed to be with, happiness and issues all combined, and he’s…not.

He doesn’t think his life will suddenly become perfect if he were to meet this mystery woman. He doesn’t. His life is wonderful. He loves his friends and family. He loves his job and his hobbies. He loves his life.

Today is simply a hard day.

Today is simply a day of loss.

But tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow he’ll go back to normal, and he won’t feel the loss of his love so much.

As much.

“Hey, did you get the Santos order?”

“Shit,” he mumbles, jumping in his seat at Ariel’s voice. He knows that she likely spoke at a normal volume, but he wasn’t focusing and had zoned out. Her voice startled him. It doesn’t help that she takes pleasure in annoying him. “Sorry, love. You surprised me.”

“I knocked three times there, Jones,” she sighs, walking into his office and dropping a note down on his desk. “I know it’s late in the day and all, but you’re really zoning out.”

“That is the pot calling the kettle black, A,” he laughs, rolling forward in his chair to look at the note she has, her chicken scratch written across the notecard. “You zone out at lunch thinking about how someone invented the fork.”

“It’s true. You’ve got to think about things like that. You okay though? You’ve got that pensive, brooding look all over your face.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes before looking up at her and stretching his hands up behind his head, the small ache pleasant. “I’m going to fire you for someone who doesn’t know me as well.”

“My severance package would be fantastic, so you can go ahead and do that. But I also know you’d be lost without me, so that’s not going to happen. No one else in the world knows which pens of yours not to use.”

“That can be taught.”

“Yeah, but no one else is going to accept your weirdness.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Anyways,” she sighs, sitting down in the chair across from his desk and crossing her leg over her knee, “Eric and I are having a dinner at our house on Friday night, and you’re coming.”

He raises an eyebrow while he tries to keep his lips from curling up into a smile because he knows exactly why they’re having a dinner. She’s been his assistant for three years, and somewhere along the way she became one of his closest friends. She also drives him mad with how she doesn’t listen to him at all.

“Are you not even asking? Just demanding?”

She shrugs and flicks a speck off of her pants. “I’m telling you. It’s at seven, lots of our friends are coming, and you will be there if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.”

He hums and taps his fingers against the desk, the sound of his clock no longer in his earshot. “Fine. I think maybe I can be persuaded by some free food that I know is really a dinner party to announce your pregnancy.”

Her lips part, jaw nearly dropping, before she snaps it shut and gets up, walking over to him and knocking him upside the head. “You’re an asshole. That’s supposed to be a secret. How the hell did you know?”

“This note that you just gave me has baby names and a gynecologist appointment on it and not the Santos order.”

“Pregnancy brain is a real thing,” she huffs before slapping his head again and walking out of the room.

“Congratulations,” he shouts, leaning forward in his chair and smiling to himself. It’s a day of loss, but not everything is bad. It’s also a day of life.

He does spend the night drowning himself in a glass of rum, but it’s just the one filled a little too close to the brim. And he doesn’t spend entirely too much time thinking about Milah and all of the women and heartbreak that have come before her. He only spends what he would consider an acceptable amount of time, and if it was most of the night, no one has to know that but him.

Those are the perks of living alone.

Well, that and eating food in nothing but his boxers while watching reruns of whatever the hell he wants.

The Office.

It was The Office. He spends far too much time watching The Office and also…in his office. But that’s something else. That’s work, and it’s not filled with quite the same amount of comedy. Though he is thinking about putting Liam’s stapler in some jello. That’s not as funny in real life, but he’s not exactly sure if he’s desperate enough to wrap up Liam’s entire office in wrapping paper.

It’d have to be some birthday paper or something. It’s April, so Christmas paper likely wouldn’t work. Of course, it’s April, so Christmas paper would likely be on sale. This is sounding better and better, but he’s not going to do it. He’s going to keep on going with his life and make sure that Ariel isn’t setting him up on a date at this dinner party he’s been at for thirty minutes like he’s pretty sure she’s doing with her friend Jane.

Amazingly enough, the existence of soulmates does not keep people from setting him up on blind dates.

You’d think there would be at least one perk.

Besides the whole perfect match thing and all.

That’s supposedly a perk.

“Would you excuse me for just one minute, love?” he asks Jane, flashing her his most sincere smile and squeezing her shoulder before walking toward his brother who is talking to Will and Robin in the corner of the backyard.

“BJ,” Will greets, grinning from ear to ear as Killian shakes his head.

“You cannot call me that, Scarlett,” he groans. His protests don’t matter at all, but he can hope. He can hope that one day one of his friends will listen to him.

It’s a pipe dream.

“Well, baby Jones isn’t quite as funny as BJ.”

“You have the humor of a fifteen-year-old lad.”

“At least I’m not boring like you,” he scoffs before he takes another sip of his beer. “How’s your little date going over there?”

“So you can tell that it’s a set up?”

“Little brother,” Liam sighs, clapping his hand down on his shoulder, “you scratched your ear enough times for us to know you were nervous. Plus Ariel told us. She was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement.”

“Younger. I’m younger, and of course she did. Jane is…she’s a nice woman, but I’m not really in the mood for another date.”

Suddenly his head starts pounding, sounds muting for a moment before he hones in on a laugh, a laugh that has his skin heating and gooseflesh rising over his arms as he only focuses in on it before all of the other sounds come back to him, the laugh fading into the background. He doesn’t know what the hell just happened, but he’s not going to focus on it when he’s got to deal with his brother and his best mates being undeniable assholes.

Tuning things out has always kind of been his thing anyways.

“It doesn’t have to be a date,” Robin helpfully supplies, “but I think the lass likes you, so I’d turn her down easy.”

“There’s nothing to turn down.”

“She might not know that.”

“Anyways,” he sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, “how long do you think A is going to drag this along until we get to eat dinner?”

“I’d say until she finishes talking to her friends over there.” Liam points to a group of women standing on the other side of the deck. He recognizes Ariel and her friend Mary Margaret. He’s been to her house and met her husband. David? He thinks his name is David and that he’s a detective. And obviously he recognizes his sister-in-law, but he doesn’t recognize two of them. One of them is tall, her legs stretching on for miles, and she’s got straight brunette hair that falls down her back with the tips of it covered in red. The other woman is shorter, but not necessarily short, and her blonde hair is pulled up into a ponytail so that he can see the openness of her dress as it dips down her bare back and rests just above the curve of her waist. He doesn’t know her at all, and he wonders how. Ariel may simply work with him, but she’s made him such a part of her personal life that he feels like he knows all of her friends.

Then again, he didn’t know Jane, so obviously she has several friends she wants to announce her pregnancy to that he’s never met. They’re all ships passing in the night.

Of course, it’s not quite night yet and they’re definitely not ships, but his point still stands.

Or sails.

He can design a ship that would work for this purpose.

He has too much time on his hands.

All of the sounds mute again before the same laugh as before comes back, but this time he knows exactly where the sound is coming from. It’s coming from the blonde who’s talking to Ariel, and he can feel his skin heating up again, the flesh pricking and hair rising across his body as a shiver runs through him. He knows this feeling. He knows it well. It’s the start of something that he usually finds pleasant, but it’s not something that he finds pleasant while standing in a public place with all of his friends around.

Will may have the humor of a teenager, but apparently Killian has the uncontrollable sex drive of one.

Shit.

This is not good.

He needs to think of the government or his grandmother or people who think Hawaiian shirts can be worn to the office as casual wear when they live in Maine because his jeans are rather tight and he’s afraid that nothing can be hidden when he’s feeling a little excited.

Or a lot excited.

When he should not be excited at all.

Oh hell. He’s aroused. He’s not excited. He’s aroused, and there is absolutely no reason for it. Does he even need a reason? Probably not. Still though. This is a problem he doesn’t really want to have right now at his assistant’s barbecue to announce that she’s created a spawn of her loins.

Those are the only loins he should be thinking about.

Not Ariel’s loins, though. That is…this is all too much for him.

“Hey, lover boy,” Will whistles, and suddenly the laughter is fading away so that he can focus on the sound of Will’s whistle and the wind that’s causing the leaves on trees to rustle and mix in with all of the conversations that are happening, “you’ve got to stop staring at Emma or she will kick your ass all the way back to England.”

Emma.

“Who is that?” he ponders, reaching to scratch his beard. He should have shaved this morning, but he didn’t have time to clean his scruff up. “Emma? You said her name was Emma?”

“Aye,” Will confirms, his fingers tapping along the glass of his bottle and picking up the condensation. “Emma Swan. She lives with Belle. I’m bloody terrified of her sometimes, but she’s fun.”

“Why are you terrified of her?”

“Because she’s a cop. A detective, I think, and I’ve seen first hand just how good she is at kickboxing.”

“Why? Did you beat your ass for saying something dumb?”

Will rolls his eyes as both Robin and Liam chuckle, even if they try to muffle the sound. “I may have said something a bit unsavory one night, and she may have literally kicked my ass for it. But I’m on the straight and narrow path now.”

“Huh. So she did what we’ve all been wanting to do for years now. I like her.”

“Why don’t you go talk to her?” Liam prods, wrapping his arm around Killian’s shoulder and slapping him harder than he should. “Are you scared to talk to another girl? Is this going to be like teenage Killian who can’t flirt with more than one woman in a day without being terrified of having to do it again?”

“Sod off.”

“I’m telling you,” Liam starts, but Killian moves out from under his arm and walks away from the group of them so that he can go inside and get a glass of water, not really interested in hearing Liam teasing him about his childhood. It doesn’t bother him, but he’s heard it all before and doesn’t really need to hear about it again. It’s still been A Week, and there’s only so much teasing about his relationships that he can take when he’s still mourning the loss of one.

Once he gets into the kitchen, he grabs a cup off the counter and fills it with ice and water from the fridge, the sound of the ice machine drowning everything out so that he doesn’t hear someone come in behind him. He doesn’t hear her, so he’s got no idea that she’s within a foot of him when he turns around and hits her shoulder, the cup of ice cold water in his hand spilling all over the front of her dress.

Of Emma’s dress.

Of Emma’s white dress.

Because it’s the woman who he was just admiring who he spilled a drink on.

“Holy shirt-balls that’s cold.”

He wants to laugh at her words, at her The Good Place reference, but then it’s happening again. His skin is heating, his temperature rising by several noticeable degrees, and he can feel the hair on his body begin to rise while his jeans tighten. How are his jeans still tightening? His erection can’t get any worse.

Holy shirt-balls indeed.

What the hell is happening to him?

“I’m sorry, love,” he stutters, trying to focus his hearing so that everything won’t be so heightened, but then his eyes glance down at the way that the material of her dress is clinging to her skin, the edges molding to her breasts, and everything gets worse. So, so much worse. He loves women. He’s never denied that. But hell, he should not be having this kind of reaction. This is not some kind of bad porn movie.

This is not some kind of raunchy romantic comedy either.

This is his life.

She’s got fantastic breasts.

Nope. Nope. Nope. He can’t be thinking that. He shouldn’t be thinking that. Something is happening to him, and he needs it to stop.

“I mean, I would say it’s not your fault, but you did spill the water on me,” she laughs, grabbing onto her dress and squeezing the water out a bit as she makes her way further into the kitchen to grab a towel and wipe herself down.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Again. You’re Emma, right?”

She’s still dabbing at her dress when she looks up at him and raises an eyebrow. Her cheeks are flushed red, and he’s not sure if it’s from spending the evening outside or from the embarrassment of him spilling water on her. But she’s got these beautifully flushed cheeks and light emerald eyes that can’t seem to focus on him, her gaze constantly changing.

With how uncomfortable his jeans are right now, he’s honestly kind of wishing that he had ice water dumped on him.

Seriously. What the hell is happening to him?

“Um, yeah. How do you know that?”

“Will told me. I’m…we’re old friends. Killian. Killian Jones.”

“Emma Swan,” she sighs, continuing to dab at her dress while he looks away. He has to look away or he’s going to do something inappropriate by anyone’s standards. Something is happening to him, to his mind and his body, and he needs it to stop right now. “You know, if you wanted to talk to me, all you had to do was introduce yourself, no spilled water involved. And if you wanted to see my tits, well, I should warn you that I carry around a gun for a living, and I don’t take too kindly to things like that.”

“I can promise you that wasn’t my intention.”

“Then why aren’t you looking at me right now?”

“Swan, if I’m honest, it’s because I can see both through and down your dress, and it’s not proper to look no matter how much I want to.”

Holy shit. Why did he just say that?

“Is it hot in here?” Emma asks, changing the subject, and he has never been more thankful for anything in his entire life. Though, really, if she could stop talking, he would be thankful for that too. Her voice is focused in his ears, every word reverberating and spinning around so that he can focus on nothing but her. It’s like her laughter earlier. His body instinctively tuned into it, focused on it, and it caused this same feeling of arousal to base itself at his spine.

And every word she says, makes it worse.

Fuck.

He somehow knows what’s happening, his brain instantly making the connections, and if he could walk out the front door and have never come to this party, he probably would.

Emma Swan is mostly likely his soulmate if the way his senses are picking up are any indication, and every word she says gives him the most inappropriate erection.

Her voice arouses him, and it’s not in a normal way.

Of all the soulmate signs, why this?

Couldn’t he have gotten a damn butterfly tattoo right above his ass instead?

#Not Your (soul)Mate #cs fic #cs ff #cssns #captain swan #captain swan fic

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marvelandimagine · 5 years ago

Text

Framework (Part Two)

Summary: Request - Bucky x reader songfic where he pushes her away and they break up but he’s miserable without her and it all ends in fluff and apologies

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word Count: 2,200

Author’s Note: This was literally the hardest chapter I’ve ever written idk why but I should probably start outlining instead of winging it 25/7 lol anywho sorry this took forever and hopefully p3 will come to my brain faster! / based on Framework by The Story So Far

Taglist: @firefly-in-darkness @emptynote @buckysgoddess

How’d this happen?

Found your way in

So distracting

Splitting me in half again

Can’t ever sever the ties I made

The knots are strong

The framework’s laid

No matter how many things I say

The tangible will always be what I crave

Six agonizing days pass, with Bucky coming to the conclusion that he actually can’t live with his decision. He feels like he’s drowning in regret, his anxiety is off the charts, and, plainly, he’s just fucking miserable.

Despite everything he said to you, to himself, to Sam, it’s become crystal clear that not having you in his life is hurting him way more than confronting his trust issues and fear of impermanence.

He misses you like hell. The scent of your clothes, the way you laugh, the warmth in your eyes and on your fingertips. How perfectly your bodies fit together, the way you gasp and growl his name. How you would hold him to your chest, tracing soothing patterns across his skin when he couldn’t stop shaking from the nightmares and the flashbacks. How funny and beautiful and kind you are. Even things that had irritated him, your reiterated suggestions of different therapies and mindfulness techniques (some that had helped you personally), how you never tried to hide rolling your eyes, you constantly misplacing your keys/phone/wallet and him finding it within seconds -- he missed it all. All of you, the good and bad, had somehow become woven into his being. He could sooner get rid of how he felt about you than get rid of himself.

He told himself he wouldn’t do it, but he’s been repeatedly checking your Instagram page, heart thudding each time as he anticipates seeing the pictures of the two of you together deleted -- or worse, seeing you with another guy’s arm wrapped around you. So far, though, there’s been nothing except a video post of your dog, Balto, howling and grinning at your TV screen when Ghost appears on the latest Game of Thrones. It just makes his heart ache more, that he chose to remove himself from these small, wonderful little moments in your life, and for what?

He keeps staring at your number, his thumb hovering above the screen before he chucks the phone to the side, rubbing his eyes as he once again chickens out of contacting you.

He reaches the breaking point when he starts reading back through old texts from around the time when you two first started dating.

“I know we just said bye five minutes ago but I just wanted to say how happy I am that I met you. And you are definitely cuter than I am. That is all! Night, Buck.” And now the same blushing smile emoji that had him grinning from ear to ear makes his heart twinge.

“What the fuck did you do, Barnes?” he asks himself, letting the phone drop to his forehead with a dull thunk.

He knows he wants—needs—you back, but he doesn’t know where to even begin.

He sighs, grimacing as he rolls himself out of bed and trudges out toward the living room. There’s only one thing to do.

Bucky can already hear Sam’s voice emanating down the hall as he approaches:

“You call THAT avant garde?! That silhouette is as bland as toast. TOAST, Nina!”

Bucky sits himself down in the ottoman in the corner, careful not to walk in front of Sam — he thought he’d never hear the end of it when he accidentally blocked the screen during the last Grey’s Anatomy season finale.

“Project Runway again?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Hey, don’t you be getting all judgey now.” Sam smirks at Bucky, taking in his disheveled state. “You need to be jotting down notes, Kurt Cobain, wearing the same grungey-ass flannel three days in a row.”

Bucky shrugs.

“Not like I have anyone to impress.”

“You had someone to impress, but remember, you broke up with her, you cowardly fucking jackass.”

Bucky clenches his teeth as his scathing tone rattles in his head. He tries his best to ignore it and sound nonchalant as he swallows his pride to do something that normally sets his skin on edge: reach out to another person.

“Anyways, you busy?”

“Nah, I’ve had enough disappointment for today.” Sam grabs the remote, shutting off the screen and shifting to look at Bucky. “What’s up?”

Bucky exhales deeply, and he can practically feel the apprehension settling on his face, his habitual reluctance to open up kicking in.

“Um …”

He bites the corner of his lip, trying to think over his words when his gut just wants him to yell, “I FUCKED UP please tell me how to get Y/N back.”

He’s spared having to, though, as Sam cuts through the silence:

“You want to get back together with Y/N, don’t you?”

Bucky stares at him.

“Is my misery that obvious?”

“Painfully.”

Despite his deadpan tone, the corner of Sam’s mouth twitches, and the two find themselves chuckling together. While he’ll never admit it to him, this is why Bucky views him as his best friend, why he trusts him -- he always knows how to make him laugh when he needs it. He knows Sam has his back.

Bucky shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

“So, what do I do?”

“Before I can try to answer that, you need to tell me why you broke up with her in the first place.”

Thought I’d burn the seams if they frayed

Thought I’d prove the point that I made

“I thought if I ended things, I’d be able to stop caring and feeling so vulnerable, I guess. That it’d be better for her, because she deserved better anyways, and maybe it’d be better for me … I don’t think I really believed that, deep down, but … I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, not being enough.”

Bucky pauses and sighs, staring at the ground as he wrings his hands, running his flesh thumb back and forth over the smooth metal.

His voice is quiet, apprehensive.

“I was scared of how I felt about her.”

Bucky glances up after a few moments of silence and is met with Sam looking at him more seriously than he can ever remember.

“Do you love her?”

Normally Bucky would flinch at such a direct question, but now, finally facing the consequences of keeping himself so guarded, he hesitates only for a fraction of a second before he nods, and it feels like a weight has left his chest in acknowledging how he feels.

He loves you. And he doesn’t have to run from that.

Sam nods back in response, running his hand along the dark stubble on his face as he begins in earnest.

“Look … you have a lot of regret in your life, right? I know it’s over things you didn’t choose, but now, you can choose. So what’s your choice gonna be? The way I see it, A) You can keep doing what you’re doing and let fear run you into the ground, or, B) you can tell that fear to go to hell, reach out to Y/N, buy her the nicest apology flowers you can, and tell her everything you just told me.”

“And if she tells me to go to hell?”

Sam sighs.

“I mean, she’s probably going to be pretty pissed at you —and rightfully so— but,” he pauses, his tone lightening, “God knows why, she seemed to really be into you. And nobody gets over a breakup that fast unless the relationship was already dead for awhile. You guys looked like you were solid until -”

“I blew everything to pieces, yeah.”

Bucky sits quietly for a few seconds, pausing to sit and feel the knowing. The alignment in both his heart and mind, what he wants moving forward.

“I think choice B is the clear winner, here.”

Sam waves his fist back and forth.

“Ding ding ding!”

Bucky nods.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his voice earnest as his eyes lock on Sam’s.

Sam’s returning smile is full of encouragement.

“Hey man, I got you. And I know this ain’t easy for you, opening up about stuff. Just know there’s always a seat at the VA group just waiting for your supersoldier ass to sit down, if you ever want to talk more.”

“Nah I’m-” Bucky physically stops himself from finishing his default “nah, I’m good for now, but thanks” response, because if he’s realized anything throughout this entire ordeal, it’s that he is most definitely not “good,” or at least not doing as good as he’d like to be.

“Yeah, ok, I’ll do it.”

“For real?”

Bucky exhales deeply, his sadness hanging on every syllable.

“With all this … I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t have acted the way I did with Y/N if I had started dealing with this sooner, getting more okay with talking and being honest with people,” he muses. “Like you said, if I really do want a normal life, I kinda need to find a better way to handle what’s going on in here,” he taps his temple and then his chest, “than just shutting people out.”

Incredulity is all over Sam’s face, coupled that something Bucky could swear looks like a glimmer of pride.

“Wow, yeah, that’s great, that’s the kind of perspective that’ll help you move forward.” He grins. “You sure you’re feeling ok? This isn’t some fever-induced thing, right?”

Bucky flips him off while Sam chuckles.

“Hilarious.”

“You know I’m playin.’” Sam nods vigorously. “Seriously, it’ll be good for you. Anyways, though, back to choice B.”

Bucky feels the rise and fall of his chest pick up in nervous anticipation, but he slides the phone out from the pocket of his jeans anyways, thumbs tapping away on its surface.

“Hey. Can we meet up?”

Before he can second guess himself, he hits send, promptly hurling the phone onto the opposite corner of the couch where Sam is perched.

“Watch it!”

“You tell me what she says back. I don’t wanna see it first.”

However long you’re gone, I will wait, I will wait.

And then an agonizing, crawling two hours pass, with Bucky finding himself unable to focus on the National Geographic moon landing documentary that would normally absorb him entirely, his eyes constantly straying from the screen to the phone sitting silently in the corner. You never took this long to answer a text when you were dating, so he knows you’re ignoring him.

“Maybe she blocked you and didn’t even see it.”

He’s just about to ask Sam for the phone back to message you on Instagram, past the point of caring how desperate he looks because it’s the truth, when it pings.

Sam snaps out from his half-napping state at the sound, stretching across the couch and grabbing the phone. He pulls a face and Bucky’s heart sinks -- Sam might as well have said “yikes” out loud.

“What’d she say?”

Sam looks at him with the tiniest bit of pity, tossing the phone back.

“Why.”

“Why? That’s it?” Bucky looks down at the screen in disbelief, and there it is, the one-word response.

“Yup.”

Bucky buries his head in the throw pillow closest to him, muffling his yell.

“What do I even say to that?! She’s pissed off, and I don’t wanna do this over text.”

“You don’t have to do it all over text, but you gotta give her something. The last thing you said to her was that you wanted to break up, and now you want to see her. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to assume you want to get back together, but if you do, she wants you to know she’s still upset.” Sam shrugs. “You messed up, now you gotta work for it.”

Bucky takes the pillow off his face, grimacing.

“Goddammit.”

He takes a minute to craft his reply, staring down at the screen.

“Because you were right about everything. I never should have ended us, I’m an idiot and miss you like hell. I just want to talk.” He hits send and turns the phone over, heart thumping inside his chest.

Ten minutes pass before you answer:

“I’ll be home until 7, I have plans after.”

Bucky’s stomach drops as his brain conjures images of you dressed up but not for him, for some other guy, his metal hand clenching involuntarily.

“You don’t know that you don’t know that, c’mon. It’s only been six days.”

He replies immediately:

“Can I come see you at 5?”

“Ok.”

Even with the realization that it’s already 4:10 and he’s gonna have to haul ass to Adams Morgan while still finding the time to get you the nicest flowers he can, Bucky already feels lighter with hope. You agreed to see him. You’re giving him at least a fraction of a chance to put things back together.

He flies up off the couch and takes off down the hall.

“I’m meeting her at her place at 5!”

Sam calls out to his retreating back, and Bucky allows himself a small smile.

“Hey, go get her. But you go shower first!”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes #bucky barnes and sam wilson #james bucky barnes #james barnes x reader #james barnes #bucky fic #bucky imagine #bucky angst #bucky and sam #avengers fic #avengers imagine #the story so far #bucky barnes songfic #Sebastian Stan

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kingtwolf-fang · 5 years ago

Text

“At A Distance, But Always Be My Person”

Distance a word that has always been a constant stay in the back of my head ever since my best friend dropped me off at the airport when I moved on January 7th 2016. We hugged for a solid 5 min before he let go, and I saw the tears run down his face as he said to me “This is it, you and I have known this day would come now go be a rockstar.” Suddenly I hear over the intercom that my flight was boarding. For anybody that is a Grey’s Anatomy fan you know Meredith’s iconic phrase “my person.” When ever I hear that phrase Wayne Carl Ficke is the first person I think of. We have been best friends since 8th grade. I would say that I miss him more than I do my own family. Honestly the hardest thing I had to adjust him was not being able to see him on a weekly basis. Now I only get to see him at most two times a year.

Fast forward the year is 2020 we are now married to our true loves, starting families. We still talk at least one or two times a week over the phone, but we are always snap chatting. One night when I talked to him on the phone, about how much I missed him, and how much I missed him and how he was always within reach of me if I needed him. I asked him if he still wears the best friend crystal necklace I bought it. One half of the necklace is a cracked heart with a red crystal that says “Be Fr” the other half is a white crystal that “Est iends”, put the crystal together, and it says best friends. That night on the phone we promised each other that no matter how mad we are at each other we would never take them off.

Wayne then went on to tell me that “Taz the stage has shifted. We are not each others center stage anymore. We are each others backgrounds, always there if we need each other.” As a music composer and musical theater being I knew what he meant. and I assume that was he easiest way to break it down to me. Our priorities have changed, changed for the better, our personalities matured, our conversations have matured. I look at it as we played best supporting actors in each others movies , and now that there has been a curtain call we now have taken on other roles in our own individual lives, as well as each other. No matter the distance he proved to me that we are still each others persons.”We had several chapters together in life hell of some good ones, but now its time for you to go be a rockstar, I knew what I was doing the night at that industry party when Jackson and I were passing copies of your demo tapes around.”

For the Grey’s Anatomy fans who faithfully watch know that Christina left at the end of seasoN 10 she took a job in Switzerland her dream job as a cardio surgeon! I often compare our relationship to theirs. Wayne is Meredith, and I Christina. The show is now on it’s 15th season. Occasionally whenever Meredith has a life changing event, there will be a time where she has a phone call, or a facetime moment with Christina. I love that that is a way the writers way of keeping Mertina (Merideth & Christina’s) friendship alive. It’s the same for us life changing events require a facetime session.

Our latest adventure is my book series I have started writing I started back in 2017. It’s more than just a book for me it’s an escape, two of the main characters are based off me, and my best friend. It’s my way of keeping him close even though he is thousands of miles away. It always reminds me no matter what he will always be my person.

#ThickAsTheives #BestFriend #MyPerson #BrotherlyLove

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mrsmariano · 6 years ago

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The Evolution of Meredith Grey: How Grey's Anatomy Got To "I Love You" Over a Jail Phone

"When I came back to the show in season 14, Ellen wanted to make sure I wasn't just coming in to pair her up with another guy," Vernoff explains. "She was a little tired of playing romance. She'd been doing it for a lot of seasons, and I said, great, let's not."

Pompeo, in fact, had a request.

"She said, ‘I want to be like a medical superhero,' and I said, ‘Done.' And that's what we did for that season," Vernoff says. "It was great, and we loved it, and I think that I earned her trust and we became creative partners, and then it was like, OK, are we ready? Can we dip our toes back in?" As Vernoff reminds us, at the end of the day, the show is about the romance, and season 15 was even dubbed by the writers the "season of love," a season full of "fun and joy and light." "It's a romantic…medical romantic…it's a romantic dramedy with a little bit of medicine thrown in," she says. "It's not a medical procedural, right? So romance is a key ingredient, and Ellen was super game coming into this season. She really enjoyed everything she got to play last year, and then this year, she was ready to play with this." This, specifically, began as a drunken kiss, crept into Meredith's very sexy dream sequences, briefly entertained itself as a love triangle, and then slowly blossomed into one of our favorite Grey's Anatomy ships maybe ever. (Yes, we said it. Ever.) "I feel like we slow-rolled that. We started it as an unexpected fantasy, born of an uninvited kiss or a complicated accidental kiss at the wedding, and then it evolved, using [matchmaker] Cece, and Link as a little bit of a temptation triangle, and then that became DeLuca about halfway through the season, and we just eased our way into it."That, Vernoff says, was all in service of making Meredith's big "I love you feel" feel earned. And if that tear that rolled down our face when we watched it was any indication, it definitely did. "That is a collaboration," she explains. "That is us writing a thing and then Ellen playing the hell out of it, so that by the time we got that "I love you," it felt true, and it felt earned, and it felt exciting and it felt unfinished because it's behind glass and because it took her so long to say it back to him, and because she has verbalized how scary it is for her because the last person she said it to was Derek. It gives us places to go next season that are interesting and complicated."A season and a half ago, you might never look at Andrew DeLuca and think he'd be the perfect man for Meredith Grey. He was sleeping on couches and crying over his ex-girlfriend, Sam Bello (Jeanine Mason) moving to Switzerland to escape deportation. He was the guy who Zola remembers as a sort of vagrant with a guitar.

He's also a fair amount younger than Meredith, and he's a resident where she's a highly accomplished attending, the chief of general surgery. That's obviously not a new pairing on this show which began with an intern falling in love with the chief of neurosurgery, but still, no one was putting the two together just yet.

Then DeLuca kissed Meredith at Alex and Jo's wedding, and then Meredith was having dreams, and suddenly we were all dreaming of Giacomo Gianniotti speaking Italian to us in an elevator, and of Ellen Pompeo speaking it right back. The age and power dynamic difference in this relationship and Meredith and Derek's tumultuous romance is not exactly the same, but there's a certain sense that this relationship is able to run because Derek and Meredith once walked.

"We weren't designing it to do the opposite, but certainly that dynamic gave us permission to do this one. It felt like, OK, we told that story, and now is it OK for Meredith to be dating a resident? Is it OK for this age gap or difference in life experience to exist, and the answer is yes, because we saw it really successfully early in the series with Derek and Meredith," Vernoff says. "He was older, he was more experienced in life, so we just wanted to see Meredith happy again, and we wanted her to fall in love in an unexpected way, and we liked the chemistry between her and Giacomo." Some fans were unsure of what to think of the relationship because of our long road with DeLuca so far, and some worried or thought that it might just be a fling, like all of Meredith's other attempts at romance post-Derek. In the writers' room, MerLuca was always the real deal. "We never thought it was a fling," Vernoff says. "I think if you added 10 years to DeLuca, you wouldn't have thought it was a fling. You would have thought this was a guy that she likes, and who's sticking when the other ones are not. But because there's a little bit of an age difference between them…not a huge age difference, but just enough that you don't usually see it on television…It's our societal sort of unconscious bias that I think made people dismiss it initially because we have decided somehow culturally that women who are older than men, that that's somehow an invalid pairing."

With Derek's death, it's kind of like Meredith got even older than she actually is. She closed herself off for a while, and saw herself as finished, her sex life closed down, which she even said out loud a couple of times. But watching the series all the way through again (highly recommend) shows that Derek was really only one part of Meredith's story. The years since have felt like a new story, one filled with a joy that the show had never had before, with a Meredith who no longer feels like everything in her life is doomed, because the worst has kind of already happened and yet she has survived.

Since Derek's death, Mer has gained two sisters who have become her best friends, roommates, and basically her co-parents. She's gotten everything she ever wanted, and is now seeing that there's more out there that she didn't even know she wanted. It's like she gained back those years she lost when Derek died.

She hired a matchmaker. She started dating a resident 10 years younger than her. She flitted around a work party trying to act "normal" after her surrogate father caught her making out with her boyfriend. She's committing crimes out of the goodness of her heart, she's saying "I love you" to a man in jail, and she's smiling more than she's maybe ever smiled before.

"When Ellen Pompeo smiles, we smile," Vernoff explains. "I feel like that's the world of Grey's Anatomy. It's like, when Meredith is happy, it comes through, and we feel happy."

And doesn't Meredith (along with the rest of us) deserve that happiness?

"She went through such a journey of grief with Derek and rebounds and sort of almost recoveries, and you know, one step forward, two steps back, and to watch her light up in this way for the first time…I don't think we've seen her light up this way since Derek. And that's been really wonderful."

Meredith's future may now be a huge question mark filled with court dates and time behind bars and a job she's been fired from, but it's also a bright future that includes a supportive boyfriend, a found family that will fight like hell for her, and at least two more seasons on our screens.

So all told, things are looking pretty good for Meredith Grey. (x)

#meredith grey #merluca #grey's #grey's anatomy #ellen pompeo #krista vernoff

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kumkaniudaku · 6 years ago

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She Said ___?

Warnings: Smut (18 +)

Ah, date night, the cornerstone of healthy relationships.

For you and Chadwick, date nights came in random spurts. For the first three six weeks of your relationship, Saturday’s were set aside for both of you to turn off your devices and focus on each other. No distractions and no extra people; only the comfort of each other’s company. Unfortunately, the routine couldn’t continue this way forever.

The last month and a half was clouded with irregular work schedules, constant traveling and spotty physical interaction. If Chadwick wasn’t on a plane to promote or film, you were in another WNBA city to assist your team. In six weeks, you had only seen Chadwick three times, each of them when he was dozing from the activities of the day.

After a week of what-ifs, Saturday’s date night was set in stone. Despite hopping on a red-eye from Minnesota to Los Angeles and arriving to your condo only four hours before your next scheduled work day, the excitement of seeing your man carried you through the end of the week.

Standing in the kitchen of your condo, that energy twisted your wrist in time with with your hips to “Caught Up in the Rapture” by Anita Baker as you stirred the muffin mixture in front of you.

“I love you here by me, baby. You let my love fly free. I want you in my life for all time. Damn, Anita, we sound good,” you complimented at the end of the bridge. Anita’s sultry voice and the infectious melody of the song set the perfect mood for a quiet evening dinner.

Depositing the homemade mixture into a muffin pan, you continued to sing as visions of Chadwick ran circles in your mind. You thought of what he smelled like the last time you saw him and how his lips felt against your cheeks before he left. His gapped smile made you grin as if he were there for you to see him person. You missed him in a way that you didn’t think was possible.

When you caught a glimpse of your attire in the full length mirror leading to the living room, you did a pose to thoroughly examine yourself. The black, strapless “Luciana” dress was simple but form fitting, contouring your body in all the right places. Your feet remained bare to uphold the integrity of your white rugs and to show off your fresh pedicure. Chadwick’s favorite hairstyle, the braidout he saw you in when he crashed your housewarming party in Atlanta, sat just above your shoulders from a fresh wash and trim. If he didn’t think you were fine, he had to have gone blind in his time away.

You split your time between setting up the living room and watching the food in the kitchen as you waited for the doorbell to ring. Instead, the spare key jingling in the lock alerted you to a visitor. Chadwick shrugged his jacket off of his shoulders in record time before carefully placing the garment on the coat rack.

“Sunshine! Where you at?”

“In the kitchen, dear,” you cooed, rolling your eyes at the use of one of your many pet names.

Heavy feet that you prayed were free of shoes beat against the floor of your home until his tall frame rounded the corner into the open space. A split second exchange of wide smiles led to an all out rush to scoop you into his arms. The moment his body connected with yours, invisible sparks communicated the sheer excitement between you two. Your fingers danced in his coiled mane as you held his head close your chest before dropping your head to signal for a kiss. He spun you in a slow circle, pressing his lips against yours in rapid pecks.

“I missed you so much,” he murmured against your mouth as he gently placed you on the ground. His forehead pressed against yours to get a good look at your face. His arms crossed at the wrist around your waist, barely containing the urge to run his palms against the curve of your behind. “How’s my girl? You look good.”

“Better now that you’re here.” Your face screwed as you groaned, causing Chadwick to raise his eyebrows in curiosity. “Oh my God, that was so corny. Look at what you’re doing to me.”

“No, don’t blame me! You’ve been a closet cornball all this time, just waiting for someone to bring it out of you. Face it, you’ve fallen in love with the country boy you swore you didn’t want to be friends with.”

His cheeky grin made you roll your eyes in response though the smile on your face made your true feelings clear. He was right. “Oh shut up. You ready to eat?”

“Depends on what’s on the menu,” He flirted, lightly tapping your butt as you walked away. “You and this dress are about to introduce us to parenthood in about nine months.”

“Then you can be a daddy and a daddy.” Your stress on the second ‘daddy’ made his eyebrow quirk as he took a seat at the table. “So, how was filming? Tell me all about it.”

“There isn’t much to say about it, baby. Five AM call times, craft services, you know, the usual. I need a hot shower and a chest to lay on so I can actually get a good night’s rest. One day, I’m gonna take you with me.”

“I keep telling you I can’t just leave my job to follow you around the world. That’s a privilege reserved for wives, remember?”

“Yeah but, it’s worth a try.”

You planted a kiss on his puckered lips while sliding his plate in front of him. The steam wafting from the fresh, stuffed salmon and vegetables on the dish set off a series of quiet rumbles in his abdomen to remind him of what he missed during his absence. His mostly vegan diet would have to take a backseat tonight. Your plate was the next to hit the glass surface of your small dining table before the blessing was presented and dinner could officially commence.

Conversation flowed effortlessly, moving from work to family, a trace amount of celebrity gossip and back to work with no issues. Chadwick listened with a smile as you recounted office spats and a grueling flight schedule that introduced you to the flight attendant from hell.

“Then, she acted like she didn’t see my light on and walked right past me three times. You know I try to be nice-”

“Do you,” he questioned with his hand on his chest and an incredulous look on his face.

“I said try,” you laughed along with Chadwick. “But, she was really burnin’ my biscuits!”

He nearly choked on his water to stifle his laugh, “Baby, what does that mean?”

“Burnin’ my biscuits? You know...she was making me upset. C’mon, you never heard that one?”

“Never. And I’m supposed to be the country one!”

“Anyway, that’s been my week so far. People getting on my last damn nerve and counting the days until you could come back to me.”

“Well,” he started, grabbing your left hand and running the pad of his thumb over your bare ring finger. “I’m here now. We can pick up where we left off.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks as you turned your head to hide your smile. Had you stared any longer, eating dinner would have surely turned into something much more adult against the dining room table.

“You gon’ help me wash the dishes? The faster we get this done, the quicker we can get to the fun stuff.”

“I like where this is headed. What kind of fun stuff,” he questioned while standing up to follow you into the kitchen. He remained hot on your heels until his chest was pressed against your back and trapping you against the sink. His fingers traced circles from the top of your thighs until they clasped across your stomach.

“Season three of Grey’s of course!” You peeked over your shoulder to find him rolling his eyes. “Oh, so, now you don’t wanna watch Grey’s Anatomy?”

“I was hoping to look at your anatomy but, we can binge if you want. Just let me go grab something from up front.”

“Baby,” you whined as he placed a kiss on your bare shoulder before starting his journey to the front door. “We agreed on no phones during our private time.”

“I’m just texting my mama to tell her I’m back and then I’m all yours, okay?”

You grumbled an okay, not able to to offer a rebuttal. What kind of person would you be to complain about him texting his mother?

While you cleaned the kitchen, Chadwick fought to get his heartbeat under control. His fingers trembled as he held the Cartier box in his hand, wondering if now was the right moment. He spent the better part of four weeks battling his inner self over the decision to customize the jewelry in the expensive package and present it to you. He was sure of his feelings, and he felt like he was sure of yours. Still, nothing could prepare him for whatever reaction awaited him.

“Hey, baby. H-how do feel about marriage,” he called from his spot near the coat rack.

You cocked your head back at the abrupt nature of what you assumed was a random question.

“To you or in general?”

“Start with in general.”

Chadwick took a deep breath and stuffed the box into the back pocket of his dark wash denim before returning to the kitchen. Taking one look at your brown skin absorbing the light of the room was all he needed to go through with his plan.

“I mean, marriage is beautiful. If you love someone that much, why wouldn’t you spend the rest of your life with them? What is life if you don’t have someone to share it with, ya know? At least that’s how I look at it.”

“Do you see yourself being married?”

You took a moment to smile at the fairytale you created from the moment you could understand the basic concept of love. “Yeah...I do. One day, I guess. At least I hope. Time seems like it’s winding down for me though.”

Hearing the words leave their private space in your brain made your muscles tense in response. You expected to be married well before this point in your life. Your career was set in stone, dating was rarely an issue and, yet, your ring finger was still empty. The comments from nosey aunts and family friends only created a complex and made you wonder if you were marriage material. Were you too independent for a man to find you suitable? Why were you worried about a man’s approval in the first place? You were an amazing woman without the title of wife...right? All of these questions and more ran in a constant loop whenever your mind would drift.

Chadwick took in your words and removed the box from his pocket. The time was right. He didn’t need anyone to tell him because he felt it. Through the jitters and rapid heartbeat, he could feel God giving him the okay to continue.

“What about marrying...me?”

“Aaron, you know how I-” your words dissolved into a soft gasp as you turned to face him.

His big brown eyes, the eyes you imagined on your future children and the eyes that always seemed to look into your soul, gazed at you with a fire of hope burning behind them. On one knee, he knelt to ask you the one question you never thought you’d hear.

“It’s been a long time for us, right,” he laughed to release some of his nerves. “I know that I love you. I’ve known for way too long. I should’ve done this when you were keeping me sane in New York but, I wanted you to have the best and I couldn’t give it to you. I waited too long but, God gave me the chance to get it right. It’s only been three months officially but, it feels like a lifetime. When I’m away from you, you’re all I can think about. I make decisions based on us now and I’ve never done that for any woman before. I want you to have my last name and be beside me through all the good and bad shit that life throws at us. All I need is your permission. Will you...marry me?”

“Are you being serious?” The moment the question left your lips, you knew that your doubt was unfounded. Still, you needed to know.

“Of course I’m being serious. I got a bad knee. I wouldn’t be down here just to play around, Tasha. If the answer is no, just tell me. I won’t be mad.”

“Yes!”

“Yes the answer is no or y-”

“Yes, I’ll marry you!”

Your mad dash toward him provided enough time for him to stuff the box into his pocket and welcome you into his arms. Your lips connected in a kiss laced in passion and love, fitting together like the final pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. His large hands pressed against your behind to push your body closer to his as he explored your mouth with his tongue. You traced tight circles at the nape of his neck while you moaned into the kiss from happiness and the growing arousal. Chadwick was the first to pull away, sporting a goofy grin as he watched your eyes flutter open.

“Can I put the ring on you now or would you rather we skip that part?”

“Ring,” you questioned in your daze. “Oh y-yeah, the ring...let’s do that.”

He chuckled at your stutter as he retrieved the item in question from his pocket. Gripping your wrist, he pulled your hand to press a kiss against your knuckles.

“Just to be sure, Tasha Nicole Green, will you marry me?”

“Yes! Yes today, tomorrow and everyday after that. Yes!”

Your feet danced in anticipation as he opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring you’d ever seen. Nestled in the ivory lining of the box sat the oval Cartier Destinée Solitaire ring that you fawned over during a quick shopping trip. You didn’t even know that he was watching you because you never said a word. Now, here it was, sliding onto your finger as if were made specifically for you. You couldn’t help but stare at the ring with wide eyes as it sparkled in the light.

“Do you like it?”

“It...it’s beautiful. I don’t know what to say.”

“You said everything I need you to say,” he pressed a long kiss your lips. “All I wanna hear after this is you moaning my name. Hearing it over the phone the other night wasn’t good enough.”

______________

Moonlight and the R&B playlist from your phone swathed your bodies as they created a song and dance of pure love. Chadwick hands pressed against the back of your knees to keep your legs steady while he moved in and out of your body at a tantalizing pace. As much as your whines and whimpers urged him to speed up, he wanted this moment, this feeling, to last forever.

He watched your slick entrance stretch to accommodate him, nearly pushing him out as your walls clamped around him. You were close for the second time and he was ready to give you the release you’d been begging for.

Releasing his grip on your legs, he placed your ankles on his waist and leaned into your body. His lips kissed across the top of your breast to your throat, nipping and sucking at the spots he knew you would react to. When he reached your ear, his kissed the spot below the lobe before whispering into it.

“You feel so good, baby. Do I make you feel good?”

“Yes,” you gasped as his hips snapped against yours. His short strokes came with a force that rocked your entire body. “Please...don’t stop.”

He took a moment to stop sucking at the sensitive skin on your neck to lock eyes with you. Your request was simple but had the power to drive him absolutely insane. He’d been with other women, some proclaimed to be fantastic lovers, but none held a candle to you and the way you made him feel. Your voice calling his name in reaction to his hips winding into yours in time with Any Time, Any Place sent him to Heaven and back. To slow the building eruption in his lower abdomen, he closed his eyes for a moment to focus on his movements.

Your ankles locked at the small of his back, sending him deeper inside of you as you continued to moan his name. Words were hard to come by, resulting in the chanting of praises for your man. He looked down at you with his pupils blown wide in response to the stimulation and bottom lip drawn between his teeth. He loved seeing your eyes rolled back in pleasure as your back arched off the bed, pressing your hardened nipples into his broad chest. The sting in your legs only increased when he pressed his chest into yours to push your back against the bouncing mattrea and intertwine your fingers with his. Your engagement ring caught the moonlight and created a spectrum of colors on the wall across the room.

“I love you, Tasha.”

“Ooooh...I-I love you, too. I’m - I’m-”

“Do it with me, baby. Let it go. Let me hear you.”

His grunts and groans seamlessly combined with yours as both of you came. Your legs trembled with each additional stroke, contributing to the ringing in your ears and black specks clouding your vision. He continued to snap his hips into yours, leaving him throbbing inside of you. When he was completely empty, he pulled his face from the crook of your neck to look into your eyes. Chadwick waited for your breathing to slow down and your eyes to open before he attacked your lips with kisses and murmured thanks.

“Let’s get married tonight. How long is it from here to Vegas,” you laughed from your spot underneath his body.

“Why so soon?”

“If this is a sin and it feels this good, imagine what married sex is like. I need to know like, right now. C’mon, go start the car!”

“Uh uh, slow down,” he answered, pushing your body back to the mattress when you tried to sit up. “We’re gonna do this the right way. My mama will kick my ass if I got married and she wasn’t there. Then she’d kick yours when I tell her it was your idea.”

“You’d snitch on me that quick?”

“Is it snitchin’ if it’s the truth,” you giggled along with your fiance as he moved to roll off of you. He propped his head up with his hands and allowed the other to drape across your waste. Turning to face him, you brought your hand up to caress his face and accept a kiss to your palm. “One year. Give us one year to put together the wedding you deserve.”

“You sound like you’ve been planning without me.”

“Something like that. I have a planner picked out already. She has some ideas that I think you’ll like. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll set up a dress fitting in whatever boutique you choose.”

“Baby,” the tears that you managed to hold in during the proposal slid down your cheeks in appreciation. Your lips found his in a soft kiss as he used his thumb to wipe the damp area under your eyes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Buuut, we can talk about this in the morning. Tonight,” he started, pulling your body on top of his, “is for more anatomy. What season are we on again?”

“Three, I think.”

His hands pushed your hips forward to motion toward his face, “Season 3, huh? That means you owe me a least what, three more orgasms?”

“I don’t really see how that correl-ooooh shit.”

His tongue and lips against your center brought forth an uncontrollable shiver against his face. It took his fingers pressing into the small of your back to start up a grinding motion while he groaned and smacked during his meal. He was working on orgasm number two and, dammit, you were gonna give it to him.

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