#heide circle

[4eternal-life]

Charles Blackman (Australian, 1928 –2018) He Looked Out Beyond The Unseen Stars oil on panel 49 x 66 cm

Lot Details / SH104 © SHAPIRO AUCTIONEERS

Blackman is one of the most celebrated Australian figurative artists of the 20th century. An excellent draughtsman as well as a painter, he created imagery – often in series – based on personal, literary and musical themes. He came to prominence after the Second World War as one of the so-called ‘Heide circle’ of artists and was also a founding member of The Antipodeans art movement...

[ficmashup]

Caretaker

A/N: I should probably put summaries on these, but I'm terrible at brevity. Clearly. But wow some people actually like this and I'm blushing and kicking my feet. :) Thanks for interacting! Sorry this one is a bit more team-based than Price-based, but honestly the way to that man's heart is through his men. He's such a dad and I love him for it.

Warnings: Vague SA references or similar trauma, stabbing, harsh language, f!reader, talk of being shot, wound care.

Word Count: 3.8k

Feral Masterlist

What really puts the team and I’s tenuous connection to the test is when Soap gets stabbed.

We’re two months in. I’m just a soldier and medic today, on the ground with the rest of the group as we clear a warehouse storing some enemy supplies that we’re…appropriating. My focus is razor sharp, easily directing my hyperactive fight or flight instinct into looking around every corner and keeping a sharp ear out for any noise. Soap and Ghost are on the other side of the building doing the same, Price pulling up the rear.

Gaz and I both hear the scuffle and stop in our tracks before Ghost’s voice comes over coms. “Soap’s hit. Eastern corner.” We start moving immediately and I slide my gun wrapped around my body to my back as we reach them, the boys already forming a circle around Soap as they watch his back. I’m on my knees at his side the second I reach him, my hand pushing down hard on his thigh as I take in the handle sticking out just above his hip.

His body is held taut and his jaw is locked, clearly trying to stay quiet and still. “Alright, Soap, I’ve got you.” I murmur while Price gives orders to the boys. Gaz and him split up, more than likely going to clear the rest of the building while Ghost stays in the shadows next to me to watch our backs.

Soap grunts. “Good to know, G.”

I guide his hand to my knee and press it there so he can squeeze when the pain gets too bad. It helps my patient and gives me a good indicator of their pain levels. My fingers are ginger as I rip his shirt a bit more, moving it and his tac vest up enough to see the wound. “Didn’t hit anything vital, you lucky bastard. I can patch you up here, then treat this properly at camp.” I’m already doing it as I tell him, my med-kit open on the concrete floor beside me. I gather two pills in my hand and reach up, tilting his chin to look at me. “Swallow.” His eyes widen a touch and he lets me slip the pills past his lips before his throat flexes as he swallows. “Good. Those will kick in and take away some of the pain on the walk back, but I can’t wait until then. So, I need you hold onto me because this’ll hurt like a bitch.”

I hold his gaze, making sure he knows I mean it and he nods. With gauze packed around the blade, I yank it out without hesitation and Soap chokes. “Fuck.” He curses and his fists clench, his fingers digging into my thigh while I move quickly to staunch the blood flow. Price and Gaz return, nodding to Ghost to give the all clear. The warehouse is empty except for us.

“And here I was thinking Scots were more creative with their cursing.” I goad him a bit to distract him and he huffs a laugh.

“If you wanted me to teach you curses, lass, you should have asked.”

“Think I just did. You going to disappoint a girl?”

Another dry chuckle leaves him and I glance at his face to see a crooked smile despite the pain. “Ah, well, awa’ n bile yer heid is Ghost’s favorite. Means go fuck yourself.” The aforementioned soldier grumbles as he slides through the shadows to settle a few feet from Soap’s head.

“Shouldn’t have gotten him started. Now he won’t shut up.” Gaz comments good-naturedly from my left, he and Price watching as I work. That’s exactly my plan. If Soap’s talking, he’s not thinking about the pain.

“Definitely seems like Ghost’s favorite. Does he hear it often?” I’m nearly done now as I make sure the bandages are as tight as I can safely make them while holding Soap’s gaze again, drawing his attention with a direct look.

He takes a sharp breath, but grins through the pain. “Often enough, eh, LT?” He teases while glancing towards the Lieutenant.

Ghost doesn’t budge from where he watches us. “Couldn’t say. I only pay attention when you speak English.” Soap chuckles at that before I rest a hand on his shoulder and glance at Ghost, tilting my head to his other side. He moves there instantly while I look into Johnny’s eyes again.

“Time to get up. Lean on us and remember that the meds will kick in. Just keep moving for me, yeah?” My voice is calm and firm. I ease him up into a sitting position while he grimaces, but nods. Ghost and I share a look as we move simultaneously to get Soap up onto his feet. He groans and I brace a hand against his bindings to make sure they hold fast. As soon as I meet Price’s eyes, he nods and we start moving out.

Gaz moves towards me to take Soap, but I give him a sharp look. I’m the medic, the sick and injured are my responsibility. I keep Soap’s arm around my shoulders and push ahead with Ghost on his other side. The whole time I keep him talking quietly, distracting him and verbally poking him to keep his mind occupied. A single mention of his favorite football team sends him on a rant for five minutes straight and I don’t think I mistake seeing Ghost’s mask twitch as he smiles.

Gaz and Price are quiet as we make slow progress forward, letting me do my work, but I feel their eyes on us every now and then. Especially on me. Things go a bit easier when the pain pills I gave him kick in and Soap is practically back to himself by the time we get back to camp. Ghost helps me lay him down while everyone else packs up. We were planning to leave tomorrow, but tonight serves just as well.

Gingerly, I help Soap out of his tac vest and shirt before taking a proper look at the wound. “How’s the pain, soldier?” I set his hand on my knee again as I check to see how much blood has seeped into the gauze.

“Three. Barely twinges.” He responds and I give him a critical look as his grip on my leg tightens just a touch as I check my work. But I don’t call him out on it.

“It’s not too bad.” I tell him honestly as I remove the bandages, taking special care to clean the wound this time even as Soap winces. “As long as it’s kept clean and the dressing changed often, you’ll heal in no time. Hope you don’t mind my company because you’ll be seeing a lot of me for a while.”

He shakes his head, a little smile on his face. “Wouldn’t mind it a bit, G, but I can look after myself.”

“Not a chance.” My voice is firm and I make sure to stare into his eyes, placing a hand with blood smeared over my fingers on his shoulder. “That might’ve been how you did it before, but I’m your medic now. No one touches these bandages other than me. Especially not you. Understood, soldier?”

He swallows, then his smile grows as he gives me a nod. “Yes, ma’am.” I nod in return and finish wrapping the wound again while his eyelids droop. “Thanks, lass.” My hand lightly pats his shoulder before I lay his shirt over his chest while I stand.

“Sleep. Move a muscle and I’ll have you strapped to the inside of the car.” He hums his acknowledgement while I stand up and walk over to the men lingering around the back of our jeep. “He’ll be fine. It’s not too deep and didn’t hit anything that’ll cause problems later. We can move out whenever we’re ready.”

Price nods. “Let’s head out then. The sooner, the better.” He receives a chorus of acceptance from me and the others. I’m quick to pack up and slide my bag in the back along with the others before we get Soap in the jeep. Price drives, Ghost sits in the passenger seat, then Gaz and Soap sit on either side of me in the back.

“How are we doing, Soap?” I ask softly as we drive across the landscape, not exactly keeping to roads and worn paths.

He grunts with a hand braced against the wound. “Really enjoying the bumps, Cap.”

“We’ll reach a road in a few minutes. Stick it out, Johnny.” Price responds and Soap curses as he hits a particularly deep crater. My hand moves Soap’s to my knee again, holding it there as a touchstone. I’d rather not give him any more pain pills to avoid him getting drowsy, but I don’t want him incapacitated with pain. Keeping his hand there will help me know if he can handle it.

“This can’t be the worst you’ve had, Soap.” I poke a bit of fun at him and he half-smiles, scoffing.

“Not a chance. Being shot in the leg was a fucking bitch.” He shakes his head before leaning it back against the headrest. His eyes slide to mine. “What about you, G? What’s your worst?” I blink, hesitating as I consider the question. Price hits another bump and Soap hisses while Gaz tries to hide a chuckle as a cough. “You fuckin’ aiming for them, Cap?” His accent gets a bit thicker and I glance up at the rearview mirror to find Price’s eyes already on me. I shake my head slightly. Soap’s question is fine.

“Depends on what you consider worst. The most painful or the one that left me the most fucked up?” I offer and interest flashes in Soap’s eyes. I’ve got him distracted, at least. “I got shot in the left shoulder, then had to fend off an assailant in hand to hand. Worked the bullet deeper into my muscle since it wasn’t clean through. Took forever to heal and it’s a miracle I still have full movement. Couldn’t raise my arm above my shoulder for months.” The men nod or grimace, understanding and easily relating.

“Thought I was going to go stir crazy every time I’ve been put on bed rest.” Soap grumbles and I don’t bother telling him that he’s going to be on bed rest as soon as we get back to base.

“That’s because you can’t stay still for five minutes.” Gaz teases and Soap gives him a grin and a half-shrug to say he’s not wrong.

“Drives most medics crazy. Hope you’re up for it, G.” Ghost comments from the front and I look pointedly towards Soap.

“He’s not going to be difficult for me, are you, Johnny?” I ask expectantly and he shakes his head immediately. The men chuckle while I glance at Price in the mirror and fight a smile of my own. There’s a new edge in his eyes, a soft one, and I find that I like seeing it there.

Gaz shifts in place, a grin on his face as he stares at Soap. “You’ve already got him purring like a cat, G. What were in those pills you gave him?”

“Shut it, Gaz. You heard her threaten that guy in the bar. I’m trying to keep my balls where they are.” The car rumbles with laughter again, mine included, although it’s too quiet for anyone else to hear. We finally reach a dirt road and the ride becomes a fraction easier. Soap eventually falls asleep while I watch over him, my hand still on top of his where it sits on my thigh.

*     *     *

After a brief argument when we get on base, I force Soap into the med tent to stay overnight for observation. There’s a nagging feeling in my gut. I wait for him to finish taking a shower after I carefully wrapped the bandages so they wouldn’t get wet. He quirks a brow when he finds me waiting for him and I wave him into bed so I can take a look at the wound one last time before everyone turns in.

“This isn’t my first, you know.” He quips as he lets me check it again.

I give him a placating look. “After so long in the business, you learn to trust your gut. Better to be paranoid and wrong than careless and miss something that kills you.” That shuts him up promptly and my lips press together as I look at the wound. It looks a little red, almost inflamed. I replace the bandages before digging through a cabinet nearby, then come back with a bottle of water and pills. “Antibiotics, just to be safe. If there was something on the blade and it’s infected, then you’ll probably get a fever in the night. It’ll get worse from there depending on the infection.”

He takes the pills and swallows them, blinking at my words before remarking sarcastically, “Great.”

I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile. “I’ll be here. After I head to my room for a bit, I’ll come back with food and you’ll be stuck with me for the night so I can keep an eye on you.”

Amusement creeps back into his eyes as he sits up a little in bed. “They do have people here whose job it is to stay the night. I know you’re just as worn out as I am after the mission.”

I toss the bed’s blankets up over his legs with a firm look telling him to stay put. “Pretty sure I already told you that the only one touching those bandages is me.”

He hums, his smile widening a bit. “You know, I like this possessive side to you, G.”

“Uh-huh. You’ll like it even more when I zip-tie you to the bed if you don’t do everything I say.” I return sweetly and he swallows as I pat his foot, then head to the door. Surprise flits across my face as I see Price waiting for me and I walk over, stopping beside him and turning to look at Soap just like he is.

“Not being too obstinate, is he?” Price asks and he keeps his voice lower than usual while nurses file in and out of the tent while they take care of their own charges.

I heave a breath, but shake my head. “He’s been a good patient so far, but we both know restlessness settles in a little later.” He nods with the corner of his mouth lifting. I hesitate a moment before leaning a shoulder against the wall behind us and turning my body towards him. “My gut is telling me that it’s infected.”

Price turns towards me as well and his expression turns serious. He’s been in this business longer than me and he strikes me as the kind of man who doesn’t disregard his gut either. “Plan of action?”

My eyes cut to Soap idly tying knots with a lace pulled free from one of his boots. “I’m leaving him to have some time alone. We won’t know whether I’m right or not until late into the night, anyway. I’ll come back in an hour or two and keep an eye on him.”

He nods, pressing his lips together before he looks at me. “Alright. Keep me updated if he takes a turn for the worse. And don’t neglect yourself either.” Price gives me a pointed look that I respond to with a small smile. It’s getting a little easier to give those out, recently.

“Understood, Captain. I plan on spending an hour in the shower.” I get him to smile too as I salute him playfully, then head out to my room.

*     *     *

I keep my promise. Well, mostly. I spend a long time in the shower, then change into a tank-top and comfortable pants. My skin is still hot from my shower and I cool off a bit as I walk to the mess hall and get some food as promised before heading back to the med-tents. Soap shoves every morsel of food I give to him into his mouth and I shake my head while eating my own a tad slower. He crashes soon after and I take the time to set everything I might need on the small table next to the bed.

After that, the only thing to do is wait. I curl up in the chair next to him and get as comfortable as I can in the uncomfortable chair. There are one or two other nurses that mill around, but otherwise it’s quiet. Eventually, I find myself falling asleep. I’ve slept in worse places in my military career. I’m still on the cusp of sleep when I feel something settling over me. My eyes flash open and I look up in an instant to see the culprit. His hands freeze and his eyes widen as I find Ghost draping his jacket over me.

I sigh in relief and relax back into the chair, my eyes shutting a moment as my heart thunders in my chest. “Ghost.” I greet him with a scratchy voice before looking towards Soap and moving to get up. “Everything okay?” He puts a hand on my shoulder to hold me in place.

“Everything’s fine. Just came to check on the stubborn bastard to make sure he wasn’t causin’ too much trouble.” He says quietly, his voice gruff and low. “Didn’t expect you to be here, G.”

I relax back into my chair with his jacket tucked snug around me. “I’m here for the duration. Just to make sure everything goes okay.”

His brows furrow. His usual skull mask is gone to leave only the black fabric he wears under it. It’s nice seeing more of his face even if the skin around his eyes is still painted black. “You expectin’ something to go wrong?”

I shrug a shoulder. “It’s just a precaution. A gut feeling.” My lips purse as I look at Soap, slack-jawed and snoring softly. “It could be infected. Or I could be paranoid.” I sigh again as I lean my head back against the chair and Ghost’s mask twitches.

“Either way, thanks for looking out for him.” Ghost crosses his arms and leans a hip against the end of Soap’s bed.

I raise a brow at him. “It’s my job.”

“No.” Ghost shakes his head, eyes crinkling just a touch as I think he smiles again. “This is going above and beyond your job, G. And I’m grateful. So’s everyone else on the team.” I blink as I take in the compliment and his jacket tucked around me. It’s sweet. Terribly sweet.

“I’m glad to do it, Ghost. You all have been pretty welcoming and I know I don’t come off the warmest, but I appreciate it.” Discomfort swirls in my chest at admitting it, but he took a risk thanking me. I can return the favor. “You’re my team.” It’s a claim and a promise. I’ll be loyal, dedicated, treat them like family, as long as they’re just as loyal to me.

Ghost nods, seeing this and understanding. He understands more than the others, if I had to guess. “And we’ve got you just as much as you’ve got us, G. Even if it takes a while for you to see that.” I smile as I pull his jacket a bit closer around me. I’m coming around to the idea.

*     *     *

I fall back asleep after Ghost leaves, but not for long.

Soap’s peaceful snores fade and I wake up when I hear a grunt to find him half-sitting up with his blankets tossed off. He gives me a weak smile when he sees my eyes open. “Sorry, lass. Afraid I’m not feeling great.” I lay Ghost’s jacket over the back of my chair and I’m up in an instant. My hands smooth over his cheek, then his forehead.

“Your skin is hot.” I murmur, knowing he has a fever.

He huffs a soft laugh. “Always knew I was hot.” The corner of my mouth lifts as I help him sit up a bit more and take his sweat-soaked shirt off, then wipe away the sheen covering his chest, back, and forehead.

“It’s going to be a rough night for you, Johnny, but the only way through it is straight.” I set the small towel aside before gently pushing him back down to lay on the bed. Next, I grab two other washcloths I have set aside and head over to the sink to soak them before coming back.

“You certainly don’t sugarcoat things, G.” He chuckles as I lay one cold cloth over his bare chest, then fold the other as I pat his face with it before laying it over his forehead.

“You want me to tell you pretty lies?” I ask softly, aware of the few other patients still sleeping around the room.

His head shakes. “Never said I didn’t like it, lass. Think it’s refreshing.” He takes a deep breath and I rub the cool cloth over his chest before wetting it in cool water again and returning it. “Reminds me a little of Ghost.”

“Oh yeah?” There’s a little surprise in my voice, but I suppose I was just thinking that Ghost understood me more than the others. “He was here earlier to check on you. Based on what he and Price said, I expected a little more resistance from you.” I reach up and flip the washcloth on his forehead so the cool side is against his skin.

He gives me a crooked grin despite the fever, pain, and exhaustion I’m sure he’s feeling. “I’m a sucker for a gentle touch, lass. And I’m a little bit afraid of you.” I chuckle and his eyes light up a little. “Am I delirious or was that a laugh? Can’t wait to tell Gaz I got you to crack first.”

“It was barely a laugh. Hardly counts.” I tease and his eyelids get a little heavy. “Sleep if you can, Johnny. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

He hums in lieu of a laugh. “Good thing I’m not tryin’ then. In fact, think someone would have to pry you out of the team’s cold, dead hands to get you away from us now.” His eyes fall shut as he speaks and I keep gently dabbing his face with the cold washcloth. I let the words sink into me along with Ghost’s earlier, feeling them tether me to the team and the men that create it. But it doesn’t feel like a weight. It feels like a life preserver, buoying me over the waves I’ve been fighting against for a while now. Finally, I take a breath without worrying about whether I’ll take on water.

“Yeah,” I whisper, resting my hand on the cloth on his chest to feel his heart. “I’m getting pretty fond of you all too.”

Taglist (oh my gosh, hi people! Thanks for wanting to be tagged, I love you. Hope you enjoy. If anyone else wants to be tagged, lmk):

@under-the-dirt @jj-ara33 @sorchateas

[kitashousewife]

Hi Heids! writing prompt idea; you're at a party playing spin the bottle and its your turn, surprise surprise it lands on Kita 👀

ooooh perfect thank you baby!!

-

"what are we, thirteen?" aran derides as atsumu waves him off, placing a newly empty bottle on the ground. everyone gathers around in a circle and he smiles.

"don't be a party pooper!" atsumu smiles when he notices everyone sitting down, including you. he gives you a knowing smirk and you can't help but roll your eyes at his behavior. he's been like this all night long.

"who wants to go first?" he smirks, looking around the room for a brave volunteer. someone's hand shoots up a few seconds later, and the game began.

a week ago, atsumu texted you to invite him to his place for a little get-together. some people you knew, others you didn't, and a lot of good food. it had been a while since you saw a lot of your friends, due to busy schedules and other life events. since the summer was coming to a quick close, you decided to go and make the most of it all.

the night had been great so far. catching up with friends, getting the scoop on their lives and enjoying the last bit of sunshine from atsumu's backyard. everything was low-key and relaxed, until it wasn't.

"looks like yer up," osamu calls your name and slides the bottle over to you with a sympathetic smile. you sigh and shuffle to the middle of the circle. atsumu, from the other side, smirks and raises his brows at you.

"anyone ya hope for it to land on?"

"not you, that's for sure," you mumble, giving the bottle a good spin while your pal gives you a faux pout.

each rotation of the bottle makes your stomach bubble with nerves. truthfully yes, there were a few people in the room that you wouldn't mind for the bottle to land on. one in particular though, you'd never be so lucky.

or so you thought.

"well well well," atsumu snorts and elbows the grey-haired man next to him. "looks like yer a winner, kita-san."

your throat runs dry when you look up and lock eyes with him from across the circle. you sit up slowly, still in slight disbelief that you've become so fortunate tonight. the man you've had a crush on since high school is now crawling toward you on a random saturday night.

"good to see ya," his voice is quiet but you hear him loud and clear despite the murmuring going on around you.

"you as well,"

"we don't have to do this, ya know. i could kiss yer cheek if it would make ya more comfortable."

doubts flood your mind and you can't stop yourself before the words come tumbling out of your mouth.

"n-no, i want to kiss you kita-san."

the two of you are kneeled, inches apart. you can smell his cologne and feel his breath on your nose. his hand comes up, and gently tilts your chin up, placing his lips on yours.

you hear those around you gasping and cheering, but it sounds far away. kita's lips move with yours for a short moment before he pulls away. your lips part as you catch your breath, and his eyes are half-lidded when the two of you finally look at each other.

"i think that's enough fun and games for the night, huh? suna, will ya grab some more ice?" atsumu winks at his friend before everyone goes back to their drinks and company, leaving the two of you alone. kita helps you to your feet before giving you a small smile.

"i hope that was okay," he seems worried, eyes searching your face for any signs of discomfort.

"more than okay," you blurt out, causing kita to grin.

“would ya like to come get some air with me?” his hands are in his pockets now, attempting to seem relaxed when in reality, he is just as flustered as you are. you nod, following him out to the backyard.

“i can’t believe atsumu decided to play that,” you laugh, not entirely sure why you said that. of course you believe he would do that.

“glad he did though,” kita mumbles, looking at you with a small smile. “been wantin’ to do that for years.”

“what-“

“do ya remember and the end of my third year, a couple weeks before graduation?” you nod. “after school, i walked with ya home? i tried so hard not to kiss ya then.”

your mind is spinning, and you can’t catch your breath despite your best attempts.

“okay,” you breathe, almost laughing at how insane this night turned out to be. “this whole time, you felt the same way?”

kita looks at you, cheeks dusted pink and hair a little messy from fidgeting with it tonight. he looks like a dream, and you can’t stop staring.

“can i kiss ya again?”

you step closer to him, and he puts a finger under your chin to tilt it up.

“gotta make up for lost time.”

[reds-skull]

Not Alive, Nor Dead

[PREV PART] [AO3]

This chapter was very fun to write. I listened to SUPERBLOOM by Silent Planet on loop (it's really good and underrated), if you want to get into the mood you can go listen to it too ig

The plan is practically complete now, the fact doing nothing to calm either Ghost or Soap. The Vaqueros who have been monitoring the bar have informed them they found the PMC’s base of operation - a compound deep in the desert surrounding Las Almas.

They will start by spreading around the compound suspected to house the soldiers of the PMC revenant. 4 teams will form a half-circle, the fifth, composed of himself and Soap, opposite to them. Soap will infiltrate to commence the distraction, Ghost acting as a barrier for any stray soldiers trying to escape, pushing everyone towards the other teams.

Keller and Commander Karim will be the closest team, Farah protecting Alex while he surprises the soldiers, funneling them further towards the Vaqueros and Shadows, Price and Gaz lifting in the air to snipe and allow the Captain to attempt to connect to the revenant’s mind through their servants.

If that fails, their orders are to exterminate all hostiles. Soap was initially charged with that, but the Sergeant vehemently refused, stating his powers are too unpredictable for that.

What interested Ghost is that Johnny didn’t say he couldn’t do it. He just doesn’t want to.

They’re to be deployed tomorrow, using the cover of night to get to their positions covertly. 

Ghost rummages around the small kitchen in one of the common rooms, sighing frustratingly when he goes through the same drawer for the fourth time. Where the fuck does Rudy keep all the bloody teabags?!

Gentle footsteps catch his attention, and he instantly turns to watch the door open. Soap stumbles inside, rubbing tiredly at his eyes, clearly not clocking in the other person in the room.

Johnny crashes into a couch, exhaling loudly and leaning his head back on the headrest. Ghost watches him for a moment, examining the exhausted scrunch to his shut eyes. He steps silently closer, leaning forward to stare directly down at his Sergeant.

“Bed too comfortable, Johnny?”

Ghost smirks at the Scot startling, eyes now wide open glaring at him, “yer a right menace, ye know that?”

His smile widens, “not my fault you all have zero spatial awareness.”

Soap grumbles something under his breath, and shoots an arm up towards his mask. Ghost barely has time to react before Johnny shifts the mask to cover his eyes, “the fuck are you-”

He hears Soap get up, the old couch screeching in protest, and the Sergeant pounces on him, starting to attempt to tackle him down.

Ghost almost laughs when he actually pins him to the back of the couch, his petty technique shifting the fight to his favor.

“What’s that about ‘spatial awareness’, LT?” Johnny breathes in his ear.

He moves slightly in Soap’s hold, “ah, I’m at a disadvantage here, Sergeant. It’s barely fair.”

The arms around him tighten as Soap leans in to whisper, “thought yer good enough to win without sight.”

Ghost turns his head to where he assumes Johnny’s is, “it’s not the blindness that got me. Didn’t have my nightly tea.” he states innocently.

Soap pushes off him with a groan, “awa an’ bile yer heid, fuckin’ Brits…”

Ghost chuckles as he rights the mask, finally seeing Johnny frown at him with (mock) disgust. He can’t help provoke him further, “any chance you know where Rudy hides his stash?”

Soap smiles sarcastically, “aye, I blew it all teh high hell, LT”

Ghost gasps, growling, “you didn’t” 

“Aye, smelled quite nice, burnt to a crisp.”

“I’ll give you ten seconds to run, Sergeant.” Ghost starts stalking closer to Johnny, who continues to smirk confidently at him.

“How generous of ye.” Ghost’s face hurts from smiling.

He stops in front of Johnny, reaching zero in his head, and swiftly crouching to grab Soap by the torso, slinging him over the shoulder while the man thumps at his back, “Oi! Put me down, ye feckin’ brute!”

Ghost hums, “I warned you, Johnny. It’s only fair, no?”

He drops Johnny on the couch, quickly wrapping his limbs around him to cage the Scot.

Johnny wiggles for a few seconds, until the fight in him runs out, and he settles against Ghost’s chest with a small sigh. Ghost tilts his head to look at Soap’s face, the smile slowly melting off his lips.

Johnny lifts a hand to caress the forearm pinning his chest, a mellow and quiet air hanging around him. “I can’t stop having… nightmares.” he starts unprompted, his voice weaker than usual. “Every night, I kill someone. I wake up and remember I didn’t, but it doesn’t change the fact I could.” his eyes look up at his, “I could kill you tomorrow, Simon.”

Simon relaxes his hold on Johnny into something more comfortable, pressing him closer to his heart, “I told you, Johnny. I’m strong. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Johnny twists to face him more properly, “promise me if yer in danger, don’t hesitate to use Limbo. Even if I’ll be in range, even if it kills me.”

His arms flex involuntarily, as if Johnny will fall apart otherwise, perish under his fingertips. He watches fire reflect in blue eyes, sun in grey skies. He wants to be angry at him, for asking something so selfish.

Johnny may follow him anywhere, but Simon will do anything Johnny asks of him. In that way, perhaps they’re both doomed.

Simon sighs, lowering his head to rest on Johnny’s shoulder, murmuring in defeat, “...I promise.”

Johnny pushes further into him, a gentle fire stroking his cheek in gratitude. Something breaks deep inside him, and Simon lays them down on the small couch, hugging Johnny tightly, letting warmth cradle him.

He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but the crackling flames and soft snores became a lullaby for his aching heart, and he drifts off to eternal darkness.

Ghost watches the last team drop off, their Humvee now driving towards the fifth team’s position. Soap has a serious expression, hands grasping tightly at his own tac vest with a white-knuckled grip.

They jump off, the driver shifting gear immediately to return to Los Vaqueros base. Soap comes closer to fist bump Ghost’s shoulder, “I’ll see you on the other side, LT. Don’t miss me too much.” Johnny turns away with a forced smile, Ghost forlornly gazing at his descending figure.

“First team in position.” Commander Karim radios in. The rest of the teams give their own affirmative, and Johnny finishes with, “fifth team in position, awaiting green-light.”

“Good copy, Soap.” Price responds, “you’re authorized for explosion creation.”

Ghost observes the foreboding walls of the compound stand silent for a minute, before brilliant fire erupts and takes them down. The explosions ramp up, the blaze so hot, he feels it several hundred feet away.

He scans the horizon for soldiers, finding none attempting to save themselves from the blasts. 

Did they assume wrong, that the revenant PMC would try to fight back? Ghost grabs his comms, “Sergeant, have you seen any hostiles on your end?”

Soap replies a few seconds later, a little out of breath, “negative. Did you?”

“No, keep burning it down-”

Someone, several hands, tackle Ghost from behind. He growls in surprise, twisting his body to shoot behind him blindly. A body falls to the ground. Three others take its place, grasping at his arms, cold limbs pushing his face to the sand.

Soap shouts in his comms, “Ghost?! Ghost, what the fuck is going on?!”

His comms are still on, he realizes with a flash, “Johnny, get out of there! We’ve been compromised!” he snarls desperately.

“Where are you, I’ll- oh fuck.” Ghost’s rib cage is aching, pressure building inside and out.

“Ghost, there are ballistic missiles here. They’re locking onto something.” 

Fuck, FUCK! Ghost fruitlessly tries to shake off his attackers.

Price’s voice rumbles through the radio, “Soap, Ghost! Get yourself out of there, NOW! The revenant, he’s-!”

One of the soldiers crushes the radio, Ghost gasping at the pain shooting down his left shoulder.

“Ah, Captain Price… figures he’ll be the first to find out. Always was such a pain in the ass.”

Ghost stills, craning his neck to lock eyes with the blank faces of the soldiers. The voice echoes from all of them, surrounding him.

The PMC revenant… he clenches his teeth.

One of the soldiers crouches down, taking hold of his jaw, Ghost unsuccessfully trying to shake him off.

“I told you, you will regret not giving the Sergeant to me.”

Cold ice pours down his veins, and he stills.

It can’t be…

“Graves…” Ghost gasps.

Laughter erupts around him, voices overlapping and distorting, “you really thought I’m a fuckin’ non-rev, Simon?” Graves spits his name like a snake’s venom, “I tried to play nice, I really did. But you…”

The faceless soldier tightens his grip on Ghost, “you decided to fuck it all up. I hope you were happy with your ‘Johnny’, because it’s time we have a little fun.” 

Graves hums, “I’ve always wondered just how strong Soap is… after the carnage he left in Verdansk” the American whistles in reverence, “only you would be able to match something like that, wiping a quarter city in a flash.”

“Ghost! The soldiers activated the missiles, I have to detonate them before the launch, please just fuckin’ answer me!” a desperate voice calls behind him through comms.

Graves clicks his tongue, “well, Ghost? Wouldn’t wanna leave your boyfriend hanging, do we?” he holds a radio in front of Ghost’s face, “you can either let the missiles launch and erase Las Almas off the map, or you can die. Your choice, really.”

Arctic ice numbs his insides. The missiles hit Las Almas, they kill everyone… including their entire team. 

The choice is obvious. And those are the hardest ones to make.

“Johnny…” Ghost rasps at the radio.

“Simon, thank the fuckin’ Reapers-!”

Ghost closes his eyes, indulging in Johnny’s voice for just a little longer, “detonate them.”

A shaky inhale passes through the comms, “are ye far enough?”

Ghost’s neck bows, “I remember the promise.”

Static fills the air for a moment, his breaths loud in his ears. Ghost bites on his tongue just to feel something other than freezing pain.

“It was my choice, Simon. Don’t feel bad about it later, alright?”

Ghost’s voice trembles when he whispers, “I hate you...” 

Johnny laughs for him one last time, the sound bringing tears to his eyes, “I knew you’ve taken a shine to me, LT. I’ll see you on the other side.”

He doesn’t want it to end, not yet, not when he just started to feel like he could have this, not like this, not with those words as the last he ever hears “Johnny, I-”

Graves takes away the radio, “now isn’t that heart-warming? You even got your goodbyes in.” Graves sighs, “it’s an honor to see the Ghost die a second and final time. I’ll make sure they’ll know just how you died, Simon Riley. Alone.”

His voice fades away, only heartbeat and rushing blood passes through his ears.

A deafening sound crackles through the air, Ghost’s eyelids glow reds, oranges, yellow, as the wall of inferno comes closer and closer.

For a moment, he can’t feel the cold anymore. He considers letting go, leaving the world by Johnny’s hand, as he was destined.

For a moment, he considers breaking Johnny’s trust, sacrificing himself to let the other live. He imagines how he would react, how he would hate Simon for the rest of his life. He wants to smile. At least he would be alive to despise him.

He imagines, only for a moment.

Ghost opens his eyes.

Limbo envelopes the world, the dark, cold realm curling around him like death’s last hug. He screams, pushing the soldiers off, leaving them to be consumed by his victims.

Molten light leaks from Ghost’s eyes, pain like no other spreading through him. He doesn’t want to look ahead, to see where the residents run towards, to watch as Johnny is being ripped apart by his own murdered souls.

A strange creature moves in Ghost’s peripheral. He shakily lifts his gaze from the empty ground. A… moth?

A burning moth, wings fluttering and shedding embers of vibrant colors, circling his protective light.

Ghost tilts his head, the creature gentle and soft as it lands on his shoulder, warming him like a small ray of sunlight.

It reminds him of…

Someone screams. Not the gurgled wails of Limbo, a clear, anguished voice.

Ghost finally looks at Johnny.

He stands tall, fire covering his arms, trailing up his shoulders, lighting his back with white flames. Leaving a halo behind him. A single holy being in the void.

 Dark hands grasp at his fire, try to steal it for themselves.

Johnny takes a hand, shouting. 

He explodes the arm. Everything that touches his Sergeant, ignites in beautiful colors, lighting up Limbo in a way Ghost hadn't thought possible. Everywhere he steps, leaves marks of warm light. Everywhere he looks, moths flap softly and spread little sparks.

Johnny’s eyes are glowing, rapidly moving from shape to shape, decimating everything in his path.

Light traces its way down Ghost’s mask.

Johnny is breathtaking.

Their eyes meet, beyond the vast fields of the void.

“SIMON! I CAN’T HOLD ON MUCH LONGER-” One hand leaves a path of shadow on Johnny’s arm, “MAKE IT STOP! SIMON, MAKE IT STOP-!!!”

Simon’s breath restores, he inhales sharply and sends his arms forward, palms taking hold of the imaginary reins on Limbo.

One heartbeat passes.

“ARGHHH-!”

Simon pulls back his arms, yelling as he feels tendons snapping. Limbo swirls, fights back against him, tries to sink its claws back into Johnny.

He pulls harder.

Simon is flung back several feet as the void rushes back into him. His head hits the ground and then-

Darkness.

[captain-mj]

Angels Of Digitalism

Part 1 Part 2

Soap sat on the couch for a bit, continuing to draw. Simon looked over his shoulder as he worked. 

He watched Johnny continue to draw. The little lines and different shades of grey. It didn’t really make sense to him until Johnny zoomed out to show everything. Simon followed each intricate detail, finding it all hypnotizing. 

Johnny was so focused, he had his tongue between his teeth as he worked. It was cute. Simon glanced at Alejandro who was still deep in his phone.

Ghost decided to ask a question. “Have you ever heard of Sacred Geometry? Your work reminds me of it.”                                    

“No.” Johnny answered as he continued to draw.

There was a moment of silence. Ghost was more than content to just let it be. 

Johnny stopped what he was doing to look up, all of his attention suddenly on Ghost. “Are you going to tell me about it?”

Ghost paused, not expecting the artist they were paying to care about that. “Do you want me to?”

“Yeah. Sounds cool.” Johnny smiled at him and clearly waited for him to go on. 

Simon nodded. “Sacred geometry is the study of the spiritual meaning in shapes. You know the fibonacci sequence right?”

“Yeah, in one of my art classes, we talked about it. If you use it while making trees and spirals, it makes them look more natural. One of the golden rations I believe.”

Simon grinned and Johnny smiled back. For a moment, Ghost wondered if he forgot to put his mask on, before realizing Johnny was just looking at his eyes. “Yeah. Exactly. Most of the time it’s just dozens of interlocking circles and spheres to make patterns but the other shapes are included sometimes. Cells make those patterns, atoms make those patterns, the solar system, the galaxy potentially our universe. All just boiling down into patterns that we can decipher and find the meaning of it all somehow. Circles mean the never ending loop, I believe something to do with reincarnation. The numbers that go into making them.”

“You think we can find the meaning?” Johnny asked him, looking at him with a strange amount of surety. Like Simon might actually know something. 

Simon laughed a little and immediately wanted to take it back when Johnny looked embarrassed. ‘I don’t know. Don’t think there is much of a meaning to anything. I think we’re just here and then we’ll die.”

“How nihilistic.” Alejandro gave him a glare over Johnny’s head. A very clear ‘we’ve talked about this and have you talked to your therapist recently and are you taking your happy meds’ glare that made Simon roll his eyes at him. 

“But if you find meaning in it, that’s up to you. Your work just reminds me of it.”

Johnny thought about it before laughing. “I think I know why! I used religious art as a reference fur some things. Especially angels, ye ken, cause o` yer name.” 

Alejandro and Ghost made eye contact over his name again. Yeah, Soap was not subtle about being scottish, but his accent thickened so suddenly Ghost couldn’t really understand it. He did find he kinda liked it though. 

“English, Soap.” Ghost decided to try. 

Johnny slowly looked at him before hissing. “Awa' 'n' bile yer heid, ye british bas.” 

Ghost blinked. “Yeah, that didn’t help. I understood that even less somehow.” 

Johnny grumbled and went back to drawing. Ghost sipped his drink and decided maybe it was time to bow out. The harnesses were done. The rigging all done. Roach would hopefully be finishing up soon. 

Johnny leaned into him, just a little. It was so he could get a better angle with what he was working on, but they were pressed close together.

Simon swallowed and waited for the usual panic that came from being unexpectedly touched so much, but nothing came. 

Maybe therapy was working. 

Alex and Roach stepped out of the room, both looking tired. “Alejandro, thank you so much for coming and helping.”

Soap glanced at Alejandro, really confused as all he saw him do was sit on the couch and type, but alright. 

“No problem guys. I’ll come every day this week.” Alejandro stood up and he and Alex fistbumped and Alejandro squeezed Roach’s shoulder as he passed. “Oh, Simon?”

Ghost looked up.

“Continue being cute for me yeah?” He winked and Ghost blew him a kiss. 

“Disgusting.” Rodolfo deadpanned. “Get a room.”

Alejandro spoke in Spanish to him and Rodolfo just shook his head. 

“I forgot to get you yesterday Soap so I thought I should make sure you come with us this time.”

The lights went out through out the building.

“Why did they put them on timers? Doesn’t even make fucking sense.” Alex turned his phone on as he spoke, illuminating them all. Slowly, everyone else got their phones out and turned them on. “Didn’t realize how late it got.” 

Soap hummed. “I thought you guys just turned them off yesterday…”

“We wouldn’t leave you in here. On purpose.” Rodolfo promised. “It’s why we sent Roach in.”

“Wait, where did Roach go?” Ghost stood up and looked around. He didn’t have his light on, but it wasn’t really necessary with so many lights already. 

Roach gently brushed his hand and Ghost tensed for a moment, before calming when he saw it was just Roach. “There you are. Don’t wander off in the dark.” He grabbed his hand. 

Rodolfo rubbed his temples. “Alright, let’s try to find the exit.” 

They all fumbled around in the dark for a while. Soap awkwardly bumped into more people than he ever wanted to. He found the door though and everyone escaped the dark venue. 

Ghost put on his helmet but perched on his motorcycle for a few minutes. Soap didn’t know why, but he waited with him.

Rodolfo did a quick head count of everyone before nodding. “Alright, everyone’s good to go home. Alex, remember, thirty minutes between edibles.”

“No.”

“Kill yourself then. Roach, please be careful in that car. It looks evil.”

Roach saluted him. 

“Ghost, remember to take your meds.” 

Ghost visibly shrank and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I fucking will.”

“Soap. Keep up the good work.”

“Wait, does Alejandro not get berated for something?? And why does Soap just get a keep up the good work?” Alex immediately complained. 

Rodolfo shrugged. “Soap is my favorite coworker and Alejandro is a guest.”

Alejandro gasped. “Mi sol, a guest?? I am a guest??”

“Yes. You’re a guest star. But still a guest. You’re not on a contract right now.”

“Wow, are we not friends?” Ghost scoffed.

“We are friends. It’s how I knew you weren’t going to take your meds, Roach was going to speed, and Alex was going to get high. I don’t know what Soap does when he’s not here!”

Soap hummed. “Mostly just take online college classes and commissions.”

“Boring. I can’t say anything about that. Oh, make sure you get grades??” Rodolfo scoffed and motioned towards Soap. “Get a better haircut??”

“I like his mohawk.” Roach used an app on his phone so it sounded like the vocaloid he used. Soap thought that was pretty neat. “Plus, more importantly, I was not going to speed.”

“We have the Life360 app. Your top speed coming in was 95 miles. Ghost is a safer driver than you. And he doesn’t even have a license.”

“You don’t have a license?” Soap turned to him. 

Ghost threw his leg over his motorcycle so he could get on properly. “Goodnight. I totally have a license.”

“Let’s see it then.”

“It has my face.”

“You can cover it up!” 

Ghost revved his engine. “No.” He two finger saluted everyone and left quickly. 

Roach watched him go with this… almost soft look in his eyes. He looked at Soap and held out a piece of gum. 

Soap took it and popped it in his mouth, making Roach grin. “So, have any plans tonight?”

Roach texted him instead of using the voice app. “Not really. You?”

“Go home and relax I suppose.”

“Want to come back to my place?”

[portraituresque]

Albert Tucker - Self portrait

Albert Lee Tucker (29 December 1914 – 23 October 1999) was an Australian artist and member of the Heide Circle, a group of modernist artists and writers

[toomanywordsnllines]

Today I present to you a drabble (?) that I have put into a series and smartly dubbed ‘Three dumbasses and their obselete braincell’ Hope you enjoy :3 Based on my Hc of another reason why Roach is called Roach It’s been hours by now. Hours and Soap was going insane.

How can a one-seventy-somethin-centimeters-tall motherfucker dissapear out of thin air?!

He stomps his way into the leisure room, again.

He’s going to rip his mohawk with his hands.

Ghost, who hasn’t left his spot all the three times, yes three times he has entered that fucking room in the last hour alone – Oh, how he’s going to murder Roach when he finds him– looks up at him from his book, he’s halfway through it, Soap notices. Just one more sign of how long he has been running around the compound in circles like a cat with zoomies.

They say nothing. Ghost raises an eyebrow, Soap bites the inside of his cheek.

“Ready to be hospitalized in an asylum?”

If looks could kill Ghost would be dust on the floor. But no, instead the fucker smiles at him, eyes crickling gently at the corners and GOD Soap wishes he could fall on his lap and kiss those stupid– hot– pretty lips, but no he has a task to complete.

“Awa’ n bile your head”

Ghost hums, ignoring him completely.

Soap does as much as throw himself to the cushion besides the man in retaliation.

“What got your panties in a twist, Johnny?”

“Fuck you”

He feels the man giving him a side eye. He glares back.

“Ma, panties are very straight thank you very fucking much.”

Ghost hums again, bookmarks his page and closes the book.

A pause.

A deep breath.

“I CANNAE FIND THAT FUCKING LAVVY-HEIDED WANKSTAIN ANYWHERE!” He throws his arms up to further cement his point, deflating like a balloon after.

Ghost hums again, “here I thought Price’d gotten tired of your jittery ass–” Soap kicks him in the shin, hard, “ –and put you zooming around the place like a cat on purpose.”

Soap punches him in the bicep, hard again.

“Who’re you looking for?”

He sighs in defeat.

“Roach”

He says it in a way that makes Ghost’s eyebrows lift, amused at his clear stance of sulking like a baby. ‘Lot of contempt there, mate’

“Gary?” Ghost frowns down at him, “why’re you looking for him.”

Soap throws his hand in the air in a ‘I-don’t-fucking-know’ gesture, shrugging his shoulders for good measure “I dinnae ken, Price wants to munch his ear of or somethin’ ”

Ghost hums again.

“Okay.”

And then he’s getting up.

This time it’s Soap turn to frown, “Where ‘re ye going?”

Ghost looks at him from over his shoulder.

“To get Roach.”

His frown deepens, now adding a pinch of confusion.

He gets up as Ghost starts walking away, getting into step easily.

“You know where he is?”

"Affirmative." Ghost answers, gait never flattering, tunnel visioning down a corridor Soap passed fifteen different times (yes he counted) , (yes he also looked inside every single room AND closet). He pauses for a moment, after his brain finally catches with what Ghost has said, indignation crashing into him.

“And you didn’t tell me?!”

Ghost looks at him unimpressed.

“Did you ask.”

His mouth smartly shuts itself – ‘No he did not, in fact, ask’ – he continues his walk besides his Lieutenant, hands in pockets (But not sulking!).

They turn a corner and Ghost opens the first door – the kitchen.

The kitchen??

“I already looked in here, L.T,” and as he does another sweep with his eyes. Yep still empty.

Ghost is standing still beside him, head turning slightly as he analyzes the room – the way he always does on missions. He stops.

Soap is about to open his mouth to ask what the hell is he doing when he startles as Ghost moves his arm suddenly. Throwing with dead accuracy his book against the upper cabinets. Specifically the one closest to the right wall.

“What the fuck??”

His head spins to look at his Lieutenant in bewilderment. Did he finally blow a fuse? Lost the thread? Maybe he’s the one that needs a place in asylum?!

There’s a creak in the otherwise silent room.

And Soap swears, as the cabinet doors open and a pair of familiar brunette hair pops off, that a vein of his might, finally, pop.

What the fuck?

“What-”

“What. The. Fuck.”

Roach blinks at him.

“You better get the fuck out of there or ‘am lauching yer ass into the stratosphere. In 10– ”

Soap has never seen no one move so quickly and so clumsy at the same time, how Roach didn’t face plant is beyond him and as he gets closer he cannot keep all his rage contained.

So he grabs him by the ear and hauls his ass out of the kitchen, ignoring his complaints.

“You own me a fucking bottle of scotch. Good one too.”

Ghost watches the two idiots leave the premises, walking further inside he grabs his book and boils some tea.

He left at a good part after all. I live for Banter~

[alexanderpearce]

ooh i would absolutely love a media rec list from you (im a different anon but 👀)

omg u flatter me.. here are some pieces of media that i really love that i consider to be somewhat lesser known outside of my circles.. i do have lots of favourites not mentioned here that are far more mainstream (my favourite book ever is, embarrassingly, still The Secret History) but it's nice to shine a light on the more niche. i'll add content warnings but they're not comprehensive because i am just going by memory. im also not tagging gore because To be honest with me that's a given.

books and plays

Hypnerotomachia Poliphili (1499) by Anonymous/Francesco Colonna; very strange book where the author (who is actually revealed in an acrostic poem in Latin made by the first letter of each chapter) clearly has a sexual fetish for buildings and architecture. cw misogyny.

Seneca's Phaedra (1st century AD); i live here. Seneca's tragedy about doomed fatal diseased love. sorry i don't have a translation to recommend but you will be able to read mine one day i promise. cw pseudo-incest, misogyny.

The Pepsi-Cola Addict (1982) by June Alison Gibbons; vanity-published in the 1980s and only existing in five libraries around the world (until i suppose its republishing this or last year), this is a fascinating and very weird little book, and the story behind it too is very sad and interesting. i have a pdf if anyone wants it. cw predatory relationships, incest references, suicide.

The Doloriad (2022) by Missouri Williams; strange and swirling little debut set in a post-apocalyptic future, some really incredible prose. cw incest.

Geek Love (1989) by Katherine Dunne; What if the mother of sideshow freaks was purposefully consuming poisons and alcohols and cetera while pregnant to engineer her kids to be attractions Would that be fucked up for what. cw incest and the ableism inherent in the sideshow "freaks" scene.

Equus (1973) by Peter Shaffer; just read this fucking play man (or watch the 1977 movie!). cw animal death

movies

Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008) dir. Darren Lynn Bousman; sorry not sorry but this is my favourite movie ever. i've seen it 17 times. complete garbage trashy 2000s comedy-horror-gore-musical. insane cast. literal genius.

Caligula (1979) dir. Tinto Brass; Do you want to watch a two and a half hour long porno filled with torture and gorgeous costumes and conversations on power. well do i have the movie for you. cw rape, incest, i know i said i wouldnt tag gore but this one does have explicit penis mutilation so.

Van Diemen's Land (2009) dir. Jonathan auf der Heide; a pretty good movie adaptation of alexander pearce's first descent into cannibalism!! my main real criticism is that they desaturated the gorgeous green and vibrant west coast to grey doomy fakeness. cw beautiful gay love

Żywot Mateusza (1968) dir. Witold Leszczyński; incredible little Polish movie set in a rural village, on youtube with english subtitles.

May (2002) dir. Lucky Mckee; literally the most relatable movie of all time to me. socially awkward (super autistic) girl has trouble with love, you won't Believe what happens next

The Lair of the White Worm (1988) dir. Ken Russell; peter capaldi and hugh grant's earth shattering gay love story... super campy phallic lesbic homoerotic vampiric wyrmesque weirdo horror. peter capaldi wears a kilt and plays the bagpipes. you MUST watch this movie.

Ravenous (1999) dir. Antonia Bird; can cannibalism represent manifest destiny AND homosexuality? find out now!

And Then There Were None (2015) dir. Craig Viveiros; Agatha Christie could only dream of writing Burn Gorman's gay homophobic character in this. transcends the book hundredfold and if you disagree you genuinely have shit taste.

albums

At Least For Now by Benjamin Clementine; just listen to this right now i mean it this shit is fucking phenomenal. incredible voice and lyrics and piano and strings.

Stygian Bough Volume I by Aerial Ruin and Bell Witch; gorgeous atmospheric doomy metal

Ludevo by Ifi Ude; Polish folk with a modern twist as well as influences from Ude's Nigerian background, songs about death and drunkenness and love and ancient pinewoods

Songs About Teeth and To The Dark Tower by Cake Bake Betty; the vibe you have created is so freaky and awesome

Juniverbrecher by The Indelicates; something something brexit punch and judy isn't englishness awful etc etc. seriously underrated.

Bath Time by Maija Sofia; super atmospheric devastating album with lots of songs focusing on specific female figures throughout history. her recent album is also great.

honourable mention to The Thick of It (2005-2012) which if you follow my sideblog you will know ive been spiralling into depravity over for months now. you may ask, if you compare my posts to what the show is actually like, What on earth is she talking about and to that i have nothing to say

[mybeingthere]

Albert Tucker (1914 – 1999) was an Australian artist and member of the Heide Circle, a group of modernist artists and writers associated with Heide, the Melbourne home of art patrons John and Sunday Reed. Along with Heide Circle members such as Sidney Nolan and Arthur Boyd, Tucker became associated with the Angry Penguins art movement, named after a publication founded by poet Max Harris and published by the Reeds.

[post-futurism]

Thank you for tagging me in the Get To Know Me tag game @monstrousteaparty - i am starting a new post because the long post is... very long. 

Last song: Two Weeks by FKA Twigs 

Currently watching: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. I also just finished the Sex Life Of College Girls s2 which i really dug, although i thought it was really weird that it wasn’t mentioned at all that Pauline Chalamet’s character lost a bunch of weight? like i thought it was really cool that she wasn’t as stick thin as her brother in s1 but in s2 she seems to have lost so much weight to the point where her character is almost unrecognisable and nobody says anything?? america explain. 

Currently reading: I’m reading Cynthia Nolan’s biography by M. E. McGuire which has actually been kinda boring in the way McGuire has put the historical information together but i’m reading it for the drama. frankly obsessed with the heide circle and everyone involved so i’m reading about Cynthia’s life with a v queer lens and taking from it what i want. thinking about writing a fictional historical take of the polyamorous drama that happened within the heide circle but not sure i want to be crucified by the historical puritans so not sure if this will just stay in my dreams or become a reality lol. anyway that’s kind of my purpose for reading this book. 

Current obsession: for like two (2) days it was the Millau Viaduct (read about it on wikipedia it’s WILD) but i think genuinely my long time obsession since may last year has been soulwax. every time i think i’m normal about them, one of their songs will weed it’s way into the youtube algorithm playlist and im like o ya they rule. they just *clenches fist* they make such cool sounds. 

Tagging @peter-weir (i already love you but want to know what you’re up to lately), @submalevolentgrace @bodyholly @tvmilfs @borderlinemediocre @chikyful @wateryblasts @captainreverie @insanewizards @broccoliwave @harrringtons @mrrrl

[dracwife]

ship: sing this corrosion -> jasper/calypso

word count: 401

summary: jasper risks breaching the masquerade, just to see calypso. for safeshiptember day 2: masquerade

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You weren't answering your phone."

Calypso pushes the man into a nearby booth, very quickly taking their spot next to him, propping up a menu to cover their faces in a very unsubtle rush.

"Jas, you can't just walk into my work -- Someone's gonna see you!" they hiss.

"Me? You sent me a text just saying 'Emergency,' and you expect me to not show up?"

"Well, if you would've texted me back you would've known it's cause I left my hair tie at home."

Jasper stops, dumbfounded.

"Emergency? Over a hair tie?"

"I needed it for my outfit."

"I thought you were in danger, Heids."

"You need to stop taking things so seriously, Jas."

The Nosferatu sighs, pulling his hood closer around himself, then leans back. He crosses his arms, head falling to the side to look at his partner.

"I was worried about you."

Heidi's stubborn frustration melts away, their heart sinking.

"I know, Jas. I'm sorry, I just -- I want to be normal again. As normal as they can be, at least. I want things to be like how they were. When --"

"You were human?"

Calypso nods. 

"Yeah, I used to wish that too."

Calypso looks over towards him, towards the cracked skin and dark eyes that set in sunken sockets, deep darkened circles surrounding them. He pulls at a frayed string on his sweater, with bony claws and frowns, sharpened fangs poking just over his bottom lip. Calypso leans against him, heart aching knowing that even now, they had more than he could ever have -- the freedom to walk amongst the living. Their thoughts wander to him, as they most always do and they feel bad for even being angry; To a man that had so little, of course they would have been important, of course even something so small as a text would have caused alarm. And he couldn't take that chance.

"I really am sorry, Jas. And I appreciate you coming up to check on me."

He grunts an acknowledgement, but Calypso notices how he leans into their touch.

"Say, why don't you stay a while? It’s our Halloween party tonight -- I don’t think people will pay much attention if you hung around for a while.”

“You’re just saying that cause you feel bad.”

Calypso smiles, leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek.

“Also because I love you.”

[flyinghome-againstthewind]

one line, any fic

rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the mid point, pick a line, and share it! Then tag 10 people. (I only have 7 published works on ao3, so sprinkled in a few lines from unpublished wips at the end to make 10)

thank you @philtstone for the tag! No pressure tagging @walkinginland​, @theawkwardterrier​, @lord-jen-grey​, @isthisclever​

Where the Love-light Gleams (tbbfiy)

God, he missed her. His Sorcha. And the bairns’ sweet wee faces. And he didn’t want to disappoint them or hurt them, but stronger still than the overwhelming need to set things right was the insurmountable need to just… be with them again. Kiss the lassies’ wee faces. Hold his wife to his heart.

Beside the Seaside

And so fifty minutes later, he found himself sitting on her floor with his shoulders pressed uncomfortably against the metal bed frame. She had curled up on one side, her arm dangling off the edge of the bed, and her small hand was enclosed in his own. That had been a non-negotiable with her; he had to stay with her, holding her hand, until she fell asleep.

When My Love Reaches to Me (the lost ones)

So she hadn’t been prepared for the moment it would stop, like the flip of a switch. When she would go from feeling everything to feeling nothing at all.

the best by far is you

Jamie settled Faith on the floor, her head on the pillow, and gently arranged himself next to her, laying on his uninjured side. His arm slung across her protectively, sheltering her, and he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.

His last thought before sleep, as it had been the night before, was of Claire. I’ll see that our lass is safe, Sassenach. No matter what comes.

The Lost Ones

“Well,” Claire said with a slight sigh of relief. “We have a bit of time left yet.”

Oh it’s we now, is it?

Her shoulder bumped into his again, and he wondered if both times had been intentional. “Try for another day?”

Up All Night (tbbfiy)

He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. “Ye’re a braw auntie, Sassenach,” he said, the Scottish burr of his voice coming out stronger in his current weary state. “Jenny’s bairns are lucky to have ye.”

She smiled, feeling something light bloom in her chest at his words, and chucked him lightly under the chin. “Chin up, soldier, and we’ll get through this.”

Holly, Ivy, Mistletoe (tbbfiy)

“Well,” she stepped into the circle of his arms and her hand came to rest on his shoulder. He was all too happy to hold her, pressing a kiss to her hair. “It’s not Christmas just yet. I guess we’ll have to see what tomorrow brings,” she said coyly. Her expression turned tender just before she kissed him. “But I think there’s a good chance that I have found it, Jamie,” she whispered against his lips.

Inheritance (unpublished wip)

She was going to be sick. She couldn’t, however, at that particular moment, actually get sick. Not in front of Jamie, and have the poor lad think it was the prospect of marriage to him that had her feeling nauseated. Christ, what a mess…

untitled OL x Rose Garden fic (unpublished wip)

She couldn’t make sense of any of what had happened since her encounter with the reenactors, and tried to ask Jamie about the men in red coats stalking around the property. After all, a warning for any of the guests might have been nice… 

“They’re here for me. I’m sorry ye got caught up in the mess.”

“You?” 

“Aye,” he said and then hesitated before adding, “There’s a price on my heid, ye see.” 

A price on his head... Oh, for fuck’s sake. He was part of the reenactment as well. 

untitled soft domestic tbbfiy interlude (unpublished wip)

“Mama,” Faith began one morning at breakfast, the whole of their family around the table. “Are you having a bairn?” 

Brianna gasped in delight and, for once, seemed too excited to speak.

[optikes]

Albert Tucker  and Joy Hester

1 Albert Tucker In the Mirror: Self Portrait with Joy Hester (1939)  gelatin silver photograph 35.5x26.7cm

2 Albert Tucker Self Portrait (1984) watercolour and pastel on board 54.3x44cm

3 Albert Tucker Portrait of Joy Hester c1983

4 Joy Hester Mother and Child (1955) brush and ink on paper 75.4x55cm

5 Joy Hester Blue and Yellow Face (1947-48) brush and ink on paper 31.7x25.1cm

6 Albert Tucker Self Portrait (1992) black felt pen on paper  27.6 x 37.5cm

A    portrait.gov.au      Albert Tucker AO (1914–1999) was one of the strongest Australian painters of the twentieth century. His expressionistic style of painting was formed during the wartime years, when the city of Melbourne took on a strange and unreal atmosphere. His first major series of paintings, collectively titled Images of Modern Evil, was painted between 1945 and 1947. Throughout the 1950s Tucker lived in Europe and the United States, where he refined and extended his subjects, concentrating on Australian myths, which he saw as central to the definition of national identity. Although best known as a painter, Tucker was an enthusiastic photographer, who took many of the now-familiar photographs of Melbourne’s artistic circles of the 1940s. In this one, the artist appears with his first wife, Joy Hester, who shared with him a vigorous and deeply felt approach to making art.

B  portrait.gov.au         Joy Hester (1920–1960) was the only female member of the group of artists known as the Angry Penguins, which included Tucker, Sidney Nolan and Arthur Boyd. During her lifetime Hester’s contribution was overshadowed by those of her male contemporaries, but her work is now widely acknowledged, especially her drawings, which are characterised by intense imagery and ability to convey states of mind and emotions. Hester’s life was beset by sadness. Diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease at the age of twenty-seven, she left Tucker for a fellow artist, Gray Smith, leaving her son, Sweeney, with her friends John and Sunday Reed. Despite her prognosis, she had two children with Smith, and continued to work through the thirteen years until her death at the age of forty. A dramatic documentary film about Hester, The Good Looker, was made in 1995 and there were separate major exhibitions of her work at the Heide Museum of Modern Art, Melbourne and the National Gallery of Australia, Canberra in 2001.

search @   portrait.gov.au    nga.gov.au    www.heide.com.au    ngv.vic.gov.au

[woollenpharaohs]

Also I went to an art gallery in Melbourne and was so interested in the reed family that I bought a biography and I'm seriously contemplating writing an rpf but like to publish as historical fiction because the people in the Heide circle fucked man like they had such interesting fucked up lives and I wanna write them being queer.

My mum would be so scandalised though

[defiant-ex-soldiers]

Mateo’s Circle of Friends

  Below is a list of Mateo’s closest friend in the Infantry. I may just stick them in RPs as side characters or I may have him mention them. Honestly, I just love designing Infantrymen. I plan to do another list for Mateo’s past romantic relationships too.

  Milo (The Flirt)- The clown of the group and the most outgoing, he’s always the one flirting with those pretty looking ShinRa secretaries. A total himbo who jokes that he joined ShinRa to pick up girls, but Mateo knows that there is some deeper reason. He doesn’t know yet, but the man seems almost obsessed with making money, despite not spending much at all. He always talks about how he plans to join SOLDIER because they have a better paycheck.

  He sucks up to Heidegger when he’s around in hopes the general will put in a good word about him, but behind Heid’s back, he talks bad about him all the time, especially to Mateo and friends. 

  His funnyman personality only really applies to times when he’s not in battle or not around the General. When it’s time to fight, he knows that’s no joke. In battle he is one of the most level-headed people in the Infantry 

  He’s the most likely of the group to throw a party and drag Mateo along. He was a year into service by the time Mateo joined up and was the man’s first friend and also his biggest mentor. He stuck with Mateo until Meteorfall and afterward, they parted ways as free men.

  Povel (The Gloomy One)- Affectionately nicknamed ‘Poe’ by his friends for his gloomy nature. He’s known more by that nickname than his actual name.

  This man never seems to smile. Mateo understands why considering he was forced into the Infantry, and ripped away from a pretty good life from what Mateo could tell. Actually, Povel reminds Mateo almost painfully of what he was like when he first ended up in the army. 

  He seems stiff, angry, and full of complaints, but when he’s around his closest friends, he can really relax. Milo has made it a side mission of his to make Povel laugh.

  His goal at first was to save enough money to run away from the situation that he had been forced into, even if it meant leaving his friends behind. However, a recent job change put him in the position of looking after the guard dogs that are often sent into battle alongside the Infantry.

  In those dogs, he has found friends, even if he knew they were destined to die on the battlefield, so was he. It was then that Povel realized he was better with animals than people. The dogs that he looks after are certified war dogs and when they see him, they act like oversized domesticated puppies.

  He hates Heidegger with a passion, since it was by the man’s order that he was conscripted. He often lashes out with the man and his mouth has earned him so many beatings. Because of the sympathy Mateo has for Povel, he takes a lot of those beatings, but the man tells him to stop because nobody should have to take the pain that he deserved because he had to snap at Heidegger. 

  He is also the youngest and shortest of Mateo’s friends, but he will fight if you call him small in any capacity.

  After Meteorfall, Povel found his family again and settled down near them with his favorite dog at his side. Over time, the dogs that hadn’t perished in the Meteorfall incident and hadn’t been adopted by some other Infantryman came back to him and once he had a few, he decided to go looking for the others. 

  He decided to open a new business where he tames the formerly ShinRa owned dogs roaming the wasteland. If he believes that they are suitable to be adopted by a family, he’ll let them go. Sometimes he’ll even take wild dogs if he believes they can be rehabilitated. 

  Angelo (The Man with Lofty Ambitions)- His real name is Arlo, but he doesn’t want anybody to know. When he was young, he lost his mother to a bandit attack that he was helpless to do anything about. For a while, he was just another child of the slums, wandering between sectors collecting garbage.

  And then he heard about SOLDIER 1st Class Angeal. 

  He began asking whoever he could about the man. Everyone had something different to say, different stories to tell. He eventually scraped up enough money to catch a train to the ShinRa building, with the intent to join the ShinRa Military so he could become an honorable hero like Angeal. When he arrived at the ShinRa building, he had his own shoddily built replica Buster Sword made out of scrap metal. It wasn’t even sharp, but it was a symbol of how he wanted to be like Angeal. 

  That was when he took up the name “Angelo” to reinforce his idea of the strong, honorable SOLDIER that he wanted to be. He even dyed his blonde hair black so that he looked kind of like Angeal.

  Unfortunately, by the time he joined up with the Military, Angeal was reported as Killed in Action, meaning he’d never get to meet his hero. He was dejected for a long time, but still decided to work hard and get into SOLDIER to carry on Angeal’s legacy. 

  He was stuck in the Infantry for 5 years before that happened, but it wasn’t all that bad, he had friends like Mateo and especially Milo. The two spent a lot of time together and Angelo even had a crush on Milo that went unrequited.

  Several months before the events of FFVII, he finally got promoted to SOLDIER. He kept in touch with several of his friends in the Infantry, but had a falling out with Mateo who still believed that SOLDIERs were monsters.

  Mateo has no idea what happened to him after that, but there were rumors that he started drinking heavily because he realized that the SOLDIER life wasn’t what he expected it to be. There were no heroes in SOLDIER.

  When Mateo says he has lost good men to the bottle, this is what he means.

  When he was in the Infantry, he was obedient and always faithful to the ShinRa cause. As perfect of an Infantryman as he planned to be when he joined SOLDIER. He’s done things he’s not proud of and often wonders what Angeal would do if put in his place.

  Eli (The Techie)- A man who knew how electronics worked from a young age. His mother and father own a shop in the Sector 2 slums where they fix up broken electronics (which is always a need for people in Midgar). Sometimes they’ll do it for cheap too. Eli spent his youth scrounging for scrap parts in various sectors of the slums and hauling it back home to the shop and also learning how to repair various electronics and weaponry. 

  Eli joined the ranks with the hope that he’d make it to a position within the company that would really test his skills with technology. He hopes to be the kind of person within the weapon development department to do repairs on sweepers and cutters, so he can find out how they really work. He’s already taken apart and put together his rifle and other assigned technology several times. He has a habit of doing so when he’s bored.

  He gets along with Poe and finds some sort of kinship with him. The one who understands the boy the most besides the dogs is Eli and since Poe is very non-verbal about a lot of things, the group could always ask Eli for insight as to how he’s feeling. Poe is like the little brother he’s always wanted, and deep down he knows that it’s going to hurt if he ends up moving up to a better position in the company and leaving him behind.  

  Eli doesn’t particularly have an opinion about their boss, Heidegger. He’ll easily join his friends when they need to let off some steam and complain about him, but he hasn’t done anything to earn him a beating, yet. He’s tried to be as obedient as he could in hopes that he gets the promotion he wants. 

  During Meteorfall, he got his parents out of the slums and evacuated with them to Kalm, but his thoughts were with his friends and in the end, he made the decision to help Mateo and the others with the evacuation, even if it might cost his life.

  After Meteorfall, Eli helps the citizens of Midgar to rebuild their lives. His knowledge of technology and machinery comes in handy. After that, he settles down with his family and helps them to rebuild the shop, and to make it bigger and better. Then he takes over and lets them retire. 

  Commander Jax (The Reasonable Leader) - One of the oldest members of the Infantry, Commander Jax has been an Infantry commander for a long long time. Mateo likes him because he does what he can to look after the men under his command. The two share the same ideology and the same bitter attitude from being a part of the Shinra Military. Jax was a conscript, same as Mateo and Poe, so he finds a kinship with those that share the same past as him, like Mateo does. 

  However, he has found complacency as part of the army. He’s been a part of it for over 30 years. By the time Mateo joined, he was already considering retiring. Mateo knows Jax can see some of himself in him and the way he acts out and the way he cares for his fellow men. Milo is still Mateo’s biggest mentor, but he also looks up to and admires Jax too.

  Jax was old enough to have been in the Infantry while Heidegger was still in it. He saw the man rise up through the ranks and become the head of the ShinRa security division. He does not agree with the man’s ideals, but even before Heidegger was the leader, that was always how things were in the ShinRa army. He had to deal with it. 

  Jax is very very old. He’s seen a lot. He has PTSD. He worked himself to the bone in service to the ShinRa electric power company with very little to show in return. That’s why when Meteorfall made sure the company was gone for good, Jax was lost. To have suddenly been cut free from the chains that had bound him for so long was overwhelming. After failing to find his family, he wandered the land, hoping they’d turn up somewhere.

  He made a living as a traveling mercenary for several months. Fighting was all he knew, so often he’d offer to get rid of monsters, for a price. Eventually his travels brought him back to Midgar, which was now starting to turn into Edge. 

  He met up with Mateo and some of his friends over food where they discussed how they were all doing. Eli brought up the fact that construction efforts were slow because of monster attacks, and that’s when Jax had an idea. He asked Mateo (who worked closely with former Infantrymen trying to find them jobs) how many of the former Infantry have expressed a want to continue fighting as part of the Infantry and he replied that several of them did.

  It was then that Jax decided to form his own group of former Infantrymen who patrolled around the area of edge and made sure to keep monsters away. This then evolved into an established police unit that continues to keep Edge safe. 

[portraituresque]

Albert Tucker - Self-portrait, 1937

Albert Lee Tucker (29 December 1914 – 23 October 1999) was an Australian artist and member of the Heide Circle, a group of modernist artists and writers