#he's not even canonically french...........that's how bad we have it. we're MAKING him french

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

enough figurine merch of big tiddied women in thigh highs and revealing skirts. give me a rag doll of that bastard right there so i can run that fool over in my car

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Mirion Malle’s “So Long Sad Love”

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

In Mirion Malle's So Long Sad Love, a graphic novel from Drawn and Quarterly, we get an all-too-real mystery story: when do you trust the whisper network that carries the fragmentary, elliptical word of shitty men?

https://drawnandquarterly.com/books/so-long-sad-love/

Cleo is a French comics creator who's moved to Montreal, in part to be with Charles, a Quebecois creator who helps her find a place in the city's tight-knit artistic scene. The relationship feels like a good one, with the normal ups and downs, but then Cleo travels to a festival, where she meets Farah, a vivacious and talented fellow artist. They're getting along great…until Farah discovers who Cleo's boyfriend is. Though Farah doesn't say anything, she is visibly flustered and makes her excuses before hurriedly departing.

This kicks off Cleo's hunt for the truth about her boyfriend, a hunt that is complicated by the fact that she's so far from home, that her friends are largely his friends, that he flies off the handle every time she raises the matter, and by her love for him.

There's a term for men like Charles: a "missing stair." "Missing stair" is a metaphor for someone in a social circle who presents some kind of persistent risk to the people around them, who is accommodated rather than confronted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_stair

The metaphor goes like this: you're at a party and every time someone asks where the bathroom is, another partygoer directs them to the upper floor and warns them that one of the stairs is missing, and if they don't avoid that tread, they will fall through and be gravely injured. In this metaphor, a whole community of people have tacitly decided to simply accept the risk that someone who is forgetful or new to the scene will fall through the stair – no one has come forward to just fix that stair.

The origins of this term are in BDSM circles, and the canonical "missing stair" is a sexual predator, but from the outset, it's referred to all kinds of people with failings that present some source of frustration or unhappiness to those around them, from shouters to bigots to just someone who won't help do the dishes after a dinner party:

https://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-stair.html

We all know a few missing stairs, and anyone who's got even a little self-reflexivity must wonder from time to time if they're not also a missing stair, at least to some people in their lives. After all, friendship always entails some accommodation, and doubly so love – as Dan Savage is fond of saying, "There is no person who is 'The One' for you – the best you can hope for is the '0.6' that you can round up to 'The One,' with a lot of work."

And at least some missing stairs aren't born – they're made. Everyone screws up, everyone's got some bad habits, everyone's got some blind spots about what others expect of them and how others perceive us. When the people around us make bad calls about whether to let us skate on our faults and when to confront us, those faults fester and multiply and calcify. This is compounded in long-tenured relationships that begin in our youth, when we are still figuring out our boundaries – the people who we give a pass to when we're young and naive can become a fixture in our lives despite characteristics that, as adults, we wouldn't tolerate in someone who is new to our social scene.

To make all this even more complicated, there's the role that power plays in all this. Many missing stairs are keenly attuned to power dynamics and present a different face to people who have some authority – whether formal or tacit – to sanction them. This is why so many of the outings of #MeToo predators provoked mystified men to say, "Gosh, they never acted that way around me – I had no idea."

These men aren't necessarily clueless. There's a predator who once traveled in my circles, and when he was outed, it wasn't just men who were shocked. My professional and personal life includes a large cohort of socially and professionally powerful women to whom this "missing stair" presented an impeccable face on every occasion. None of the people this guy looked up to ever witnessed his behavior firsthand, and for complicated reasons, none of the lower status (younger, less experienced, and not exclusively female) people whom he preyed upon came to us.

Which brings me back to Cleo and Charles, and the mystery of what Charles did to Farah in art school, many years before. The people in Charles's circle have an explanation: Farah was Charles's first heavy crush, and he courted her in ways that crossed the line into harassment. But – according to Charles's friends – this was a temporary condition that Charles outgrew, and it was only later, when Charles was in a healthier relationship with someone who reciprocated his affections, that Farah retaliated by attacking him to their small art-school circle.

This is just plausible enough – Charles was young, still figuring stuff out, he made a misstep – that Cleo is able to console herself with it. But as Charles grows more irritable and belittling of her, and as Cleo's friends gently encourage her to dig further rather than burying her lingering doubts, a much uglier truth comes into view.

Malle handles this all so deftly, showing how Cleo and her friends all play archetypal roles in the recurrent missing stair dynamic. It's a beautifully told story, full of charm and character, but it's also a kind of forensic re-enactment of a disaster, told from an intermediate distance that's close enough to the action that we can see the looming crisis, but also understand why the people in its midst are steering straight into it.

This transitions into a third act where Cleo leaves Montreal and finds herself in the midst a very different social dynamic of people who have figured out a far healthier way to manage their interpersonal problems. This short conclusion is powerfully satisfying, showing how it's possible to live without missing stairs and without the immediate expulsion of anyone who has a "problematic" moment.

The missing stair phenomenon would be so much easier to deal with if every missing stair started out as an irredeemable monster. We could fix all those stairs and declare ourselves done. But – as Malle illustrates – there's a reason it's so hard to fix those missing stairs. Every good friendship has some give and take – but every missing stair takes too much. Knowing the difference is a skill you learn through hard experience, not one you're born with. Learning when to call someone out, and when to call them in, is a hard curriculum – and it's even harder to know when to keep trying to help the people in your life be better selves, and when to protect the other people in your life from their worst selves.

Malle's book is packed with subtlety and depth, romance and heartbreak, subtext that carries through the dialog (in marvelous translation from the original French by Aleshia Jensen) and the body language in Malle's striking artwork.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/25/missing-stair/#the-fog-of-love

[writergracethepanda]

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥 Secret Shanghai Edition

the character everyone gets wrong

Marshall. He is canonically an excellent cook, s why are we convinced he'd set something on fire if left alone in the kitchen?

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

no comment

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I have seen Alisa and Phoebe shipped (let aroace people live and bisexuals are still bisexual even in a seemingly hetero relationship) or those takes I've seen on TikTok of people shipping Rosalind and Benedikt and Celia and Marshall if I weren't on my computer I would put sooooo many barf emojis here

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

luckily nothing yet I believe

worst discord server and why

mine with my friends its sooo annoying how we have incredibly amazing and intelligent and sometimes incoherent conversations like guys we're the worst (sarcasm)

which ship fans are the most annoying?

like I said, anyone who ships the above things needs to stay 10 feet away from me at all times and undergo intense media literacy training

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I think everyone's answer for this is Oliver. I'm so sorry we (especially me tbh) did you so dirty pre fhh I promise we've learnt our lesson!

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Oliver loves cats. incorrect. Cats are his entire life. there is a difference, and we need to recognize it.

worst part of canon

roma and Alisa's dad just disappeared before I could beat him up

worst part of fanon

we're too funny my stomach literally hurts from laughing too hard sometimes. Seriously though, the above ship takes that make my blood boil, as well as some complaints about how a lot of us talk about how we think certain characters are neurodivergent/disabled. While I think some of those are actually considered canon, I don't understand why people are so made that we (a relatively neurospicy bunch) are identifying the parts of characters we relate to and labeling them. We're doing you no harm and not interfering with your ability to enjoy the characters. Shouldn't it be a good thing that we're able to identify with the characters? Just mind your business. (also anyone who erases Rosalind's and Alisa's aroaceness that is indeed canon and I hope both sides of your pillow are too warm)

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

I don't think any

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I don't think anyone hates these guys, but why don't we ever talk about the couple from LVC? They were so sweet, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get any mention of them in FHH.

worst blorboficiation

I feel like a bad Tumblr user, but I don't know what this means. is this like uwu-ification?

that one thing you see in fics all the time

@typingwithmyhandstied 's GENIUS

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

Juliette always has the appropriate amount of knives thank you very much for that guys :)

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I personally don't get into the Rosalind is a vampire thing, but I'm cheering you guys on from afar (im just not into vampires lol)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

idk I should probably work on my university au

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

the fact that not only did she feel comfortable falling asleep around Orion (see one of @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist 's recent posts) but Rosalind was also muttering in French in that scene. Her dominant language. She was both out of it enough/comfortable enough with him that she dropped the I was raised in American fake accent and just started speaking normally in this essay I will- basically we need to talk more about the use of multilingualism in the ss books

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

past me would be horrified to know that I like Oliver now

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I think TVD can be a bit boring sometimes, but that makes sense, since it was Chloe's debut, and she's grown immensely since then

part of canon you think is overhyped

the seagreen trio is overrated (they are literally my favorite characters)

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

THE MULTILIGUALISM

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Olivercelia. Like I said, I was his strongest hater pre fhh. Now I see what she clearly sees in him.

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

discourse on ss Tumblr is mostly joking. my personal favorite is when @marsneedstherapy and I pretend to yell at each other in different languages

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"no one appreciates x enough" I do. I love them.

[twst-hanaya]

Rook Hunt: Apathy Wrapped In Kindness

Okay so this is just going to be me ranting about Rook Hunt (finally - despite him being my fave most special little boy, I haven't written one post about him since starting this blog). It's basically just my personal interpretation of his character and how I imagine he would act, specifically with regards to love and romance. Basically just some personal head-canons, so don't get mad at me if we have different views of him.

I do love a man that can give me emotional damage in ways I never thought possible. Let's get started.

My impression of the fandom consensus - at least, the part of the fandom that writes Reader/Character and MC/Character fics - is that Rook is either an obsessive Yandere or a very gushy and romantic that likes to make grand gestures and dramatic declarations of his love for his significant other in French, with maybe a touch of danger, but it's sexy so we're good.

Realistically - (bad word here I know, I like fantasizing just as much as the next girl but this is for the sake of my deep love of his character okay) - I think Rook would make a terrible lover.

He himself says that he's too obsessed with beauty to be tied down, that his eyes will always chase what shines. He won't give up the opportunity to experience the other beauties of the world. He's so caught up in the expansiveness, the endless novelty, that dopamine hit from finding that shiny new thing, that the idea of limiting himself deliberately is foreign to him. He doesn't commit, not because he's afraid, but because he is greedy. Commitment is a choice to sacrifice, and he wants to experience everything this world has to offer.

As he is now, he is overwhelmed with the abundance of experiences available to him, and he doesn't quite understand the beauty that can only be found in that sacrifice and deep connection with another human being. His intake is just that - taking. Receiving. He eats beauty and enjoys his meals, the delicacy of human existence. He enjoys observing and even helping grow what he finds, making precise comments with his sharp, observant eye. He gives quite a bit in that sense - wisdom, encouragement, and most importantly, the truth.

See, my favorite thing about him is that despite his affable and friendly nature, he always keeps people at a distance. And even worse, he's a hypocrite. If he finds you interesting, he has no qualms about ripping apart your barriers and peering into your soul without you even knowing, while simultaneously disliking any attempts by others to probe into his own life in any significant way.

So this is what I think loving Rook Hunt would look like.

He'll shower you with praise and attention and understanding and advice. He will carve you open and lay bear your every fear and hope and dream, and he will consume that beauty, of a person's most secret, vulnerable part of their being - a risk you have taken, a gift you have given him - with shining eyes and even something like affection and gratitude.

He will do all of this, and when you ask him to please - please give me a piece of yourself too? Something precious, the same as I have given you? He will turn away. His curiosity satisfied, his interest sated, he will move onto the next shiny thing that catches his eye.

He will make you love him, and he will take that love in his hands and hold it up to the light to see how it catches it. He will admire how it sparkles so brightly and how it is malformed and dark in certain spots, and then he will put it down. It will have no place in his life, the collection of things he is willing to keep.

And what are you left with? A love that has nowhere to go and is too unwieldy and overgrown to fit back inside of you the way it used to. There's a big hole, and you have in your hands a love with nowhere to go.

So what were you? Just an experience? His kindness wasn't untrue - he meant every word he said. But his detachment, how he cuts himself out of the equation of life and places himself as a spectator who watches a play, is a type of apathy the inevitable cruelty of which will hurt you when you are standing alone under those bright stage lights looking for his silhouette in the shadows of the audience.

His heart will never belong to anyone but himself. Some might catch a glimpse, on accident. Maybe a sliver he's willing to expose in order to protect the whole. What a cold man.

But maybe, just maybe, someone can show him one day that that emptiness isn't just something he only leaves behind in others but grows in himself as well. Like I said, I don't think he quite understands the value of sacrifice, the kind of sacrifice that binds a person to something greater than themselves - the kind of sacrifice that binds oneself. But maybe when he breaks that person open and they inevitably reject him, unable to bear that feeling of loneliness despite standing beside him, he will feel even a hint of what he has let go, of what he has unwittingly lost with his careless consumption of others' hearts.

Anyways I need someone to write me a 100k+ slowburn Rook/OC fic with this in mind otherwise I have to do it myself and that shits fucking hard man, lol.

[pyro-madder]

So for the ask game, what about Gehrman and Laurence? :D

*already frothing at the mouth* sure thing ! :) gonna try to group them both at once

favorite thing about them :

- G : probably his fight. It looks like a movie ! The beautiful scenery, the mentor and student clashing their weapons in the same fighting style, and of course the MUSIC ! (if i lack sleep and focus too much on the way the voices go down on "misereTE" i WILL cry)

- L : also his fight ! Despite the difficulty it's one of my favorites. Beautiful music as well. I also adore the calm of his english dub, it's one of the few I really prefer over the french one !

least favorite thing about them :

- G : how little we get to actually speak to him. I understand it's on purpose (we're just another hunter, why would he try to bond with us if it's gonna end the same as with the dozens that came before us ?) but it still frustrates me ! X)

- L : hard to say. sometimes i fear i don't see him as terrible as he may have been, but "may" is the key word here - he's nuanced, how much good and bad there was is up to each's interpretation and I consider this question to be canon-only

favorite line :

- G : "The night, and the dream, were long..."

- L : "EEEAAAAAARRRRRRGGHHH !!!" (+ "Fear the Old Blood" because his voice combined with Willem's sounds beautiful + "Indeed, Gehrman - it won't be long" because ouch.)

brOTP : I accidentally created a Gehrman/Damian friendship by upgrading the latter as school staff rather than senior student. Think about it : Byrgenwerth's groundskeeper and archivist, each finding themselves babysitting looking after their half of the squad (Laurence + Maria // Micolash + Rom, with Caryll somewhere in the middle), and then meeting again in the Dream ! (dissolving emoji) Gehrman parrying Damian's questions about the Doll ! (emoji dissolves harder) and now they're both sad old men who forgot each other yippie

There's also Oto whom Gehrman knew prior to the Workshop's creation and offered a position in ! And then Izzy :) your friendly neighbourhood craftsmen. And Ludwig probably !

For Laurence, it's Micolash. Two sides of a coin through and through ! Whether they're working together, making out or strangling each other, there's no filter between them, from their meeting to their separation. World's worst dormmates ! <3

OTP : eachother + Maria for Gehrman and Ludwig for Laurence.

gehrence + ludrence* are a hard tie, following a similar dynamic due to the common denominator, but with their distinct flavor since they happen at two distinct points of the timeline. gehrmaria's a bit behind for now but as I've said earlier I'm hoping to bring it to the same level 😁 They're all so beautifully tragic, with a lot of tenderness but also a streak of unhealthy dependance, doomed through and through. basically i wasn't kidding when calling them the World's Worst Polycule(tm)

*i know the fandom has other shipnames but i don't want to use them for several petty reasons, sorry if anyone out there needs to add my names to their blacklist.

nOTP : for both, none that I know of.

random headcanon : let's talk families ! Wolves have been hunted to extinction in Yharnam's region by the time the story begins in Byrgenwerth, and the person who shot the last one is a relative of Gehrman (his dad probably). On Laurence's side, only his mother is "known" (air quotes because he's extremely discreet about her, like everything in his past). Even in their homeland, she stood out, nicknamed La zorra/The vixen, and that reputation extended to Laurence who looks a lot like her. Her death (unsure circumstances yet) was the final thing that drove him to leave his homeland after getting his licence.

unpopular opinion : for Gehrman it's obvious, for Laurence i have no idea. X) i'm a hermit so if discourse doesn't appear directly on my dash i'll have no clue about how is it over there...

song i associate with them :

Gehrman : Old and Wise by Alan Parsons' Project

Laurence : Found God in a Tomato by Psychedelic Prn Crumpets

favorite picture of them : too much choice ! their boss cutscene, lots of beautiful fanart (@/redzombie's portrait of laurence, @/pupspuppet's gehrmans, @/subzeroparade's gehrences, Raquel Cornejo's illustrated lore...) i'm also fond of the pattern in my own art where laurence does his thing and gehrman looks either confused or tired sdfghjklm

[ffwriteradvisor]

Just remembered I went on a small research trip on the subject of Tenshi no Fuu (if you were in the One Piece fandom around 2010-2014, you had a pretty good idea of who that was) last year but jesus, the real story is a mess.

Because like, if you go looking for posts about Fuu, you get people talking about how it's good that 'she' disappeared. About how annoying her Sue of a character was. All that good shit /s.

I remembered those bits, though I didn't interact with the original story at the time. By the time I decided I wanted to see what the fuss was about (rather than rely on the second hand opinions of others), the original fics were deleted and the ffnet page was long dead, with only a mention of a hiatus and real life getting in the way of the team (yep, 11-13 people were working on this fic at one point, including Real!Fuu, though her... position on the team is... something else) working together to really show.

But that's what the WayBackMachine is for. And let me say, that it revealed a lot. [caps + transcripts + a Whole Lot More under the cut]

(cap of the ffnet page circa Jan 30, 2012)

[Transcript: certain excerpts bolded for emphasis, typos left as is]

[Transcript starts]

[Okay, well... yeah, it can be a bit confusing to know who is 'hiding' behind the pseudo TenshiNoFuu, so let's try and explain it a bit...

We're a group of people (guys, by the way... and already in our twenties in case you would wonder...) who kind of 'kidnapped' one of our friends - Real!Fuu - to send her without her consent in One Piece (because it just more fun without it).

She loves Shoujo mangas, dislike fights and have no sense of humor (literally...) but she's still an amazing girl who knows about a lot of things and is always ready to help people, without falling in the disgusting overly-sweet type of people... Smart but dense, charming but unpretending, gifted yet unsecure... Just the type of people whose feelings are showing on her face and whose expressions remind you of a manga character while she doesn't even realize it... The type of person who never let anyone indifferent (either in the bad or the good sense) and who just makes you marvel that a real human can be sincerely like that. She's just that type of person, kind of... But the most amazing part about her is that she's making very realistic dreams and remember them perfectly when waking up, and the funny bit was that she's been dreaming about One Piece a couple of times, even though she disliked it at first...

Her first dream happened long before we got interested in the story, during summer holidays when she was travelling back home to meet up with her family. Her brother is a damned good fan-fiction author passionate about One Piece (if you can read French, do check him out, he supports LuNa, is a hard-core protector of canon story-line and makes well-rounded stories http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1552380/Clowsama ) and she's been proofreading his stories for years, even though she knew nothing of One Piece back then (and was quite determined about not reading it...). Anyway, she dreamt that her brother was sending her into One Piece to punish her for making fun of it (we definitely support the idea, heehee...) and her brother found this story so funny he decided to publish it.

When she talked about it to us, we thought it was a shame she still didn't like One Piece even though she could dream of it, remember it and almost live it alive even though we're a lot of fans dying to see One Piece even when going to bed. So we kind of made a One Piece cram school for her, telling her everything about OP and hoping to show her how awesome it is. But as a result, she just ended up making another dream about it and that the very same morning (early night for us, something like 4 o'clock a.m) a very special chapter was released in Japan (with the time difference).

Can you seriously imagine a non One Piece fan who barely learnt about Marine Ford Arc making a foretelling dream the 10th of February 2010...? A nightmare where she ended up on a scaffold, meeting up with a character the only thing she knew about him was that he was Luffy's brother (even though we had told her who was his real father), causing a huge mess on the battlefield and finally waking up in tears after having left the dream seeing Ace going to fight against Akainu... Waking up in tears... Even checking up the raw chapter on the web (she can read Japanese, that helps... or rather at that time, she cursed it...)... She forecasted this huge bomb Eiichiro Oda dropped on Chapter 474!

So we decided!

Just no way we're going to let someone as interesting as that miss how wonderful One Piece world is, heehee... So we took charge of making her fall in love with this wonderful universe created by Eiichiro Oda, and little by little, guided by the stories of the dreams she had had of One Piece in the past, we came to think she would make a great OC. We grouped her little dreams into Story I. and developped her nightmare into Story II. It was supposed to be no more than two stories, but upon seeing her face when she was telling us about what had happened at Marine Ford, it makes us wonder... If it was to happen to someone important to you, until which point would you go to protect your friend (or here your sister) from despair? How much of this world or of another one would you be ready to change?

So well, regardless of what Fuu thought at the time, we decided it could be only logical for this Story to continue, and we decided to 'use' her to definitely change an aspect of the original scenario which made us sulk at that time: the outcome of Marine Ford War... (sure, now that we reflect on it, it was canon and needed, but you can't help but cringe at it at first...) And now, after multiples debates, ideas and battles, we're here on FFN publishing the story and managing this fanfiction account while she gradually accepted her fate and is helping us out with illustrations on DA...

So in the end, you can call us TenshiNoFuu too or KageNoFuu since we're not planning on leaving our comfortable spot in the shadows (just too bothersome at first, and after a while, considering there're a bunch of despicable people out there, it's more efficient for assassination missions to stay hidden... because for the ones it can interest, we're not a tenth as nice as Fuu...)]

[Transcript ends]

That's right. This group of 'friends' decided to throw so much of a thing that this girl wasn't interested in at her that she had literal nightmares. Because she had a dream they thought was funny. And then they decided to write 'romantic' fic about it. Yeah.

And then there's the updated profile from 2013

[Transcript starts:]

[!!! TEAM WORK = TenshiNoFuu is a team of several people !!!

Little change in admin team so some clean-up is done:

Author Team = 3 people (but 2 of them busy with real life) 1 new main author (just arrived, warning, not nice at all) 5-7 freelance readers/advisers 1 proof-reader/victim-model 1 guest-star

Readers Stats = more than 165.000 visits since the first release 315 favourites (that says it all for anyone a little fact oriented and not rumour oriented)

Haters Stats = a handful who didn't find anything better to do these past 4 years than stalk/bash/heavily promote this fic a bunch of mindless followers who repeat the same arguments without even double-checking if some of them are true or not... (share a prayer for them, they're beyond salvation at that point)

Background Story = Real!Fuu REALLY has a famous LuNa fanfic-author for a brother; she was REALLY not fan of OP; she REALLY dreamt about falling into OP (story I); she then met the 3 original authors who tried to convert her and provoked the other dream about Marine Ford that REALLY happened the night of release of Ch.474 (story II); she is REALLY NOT the author and didn't even like this fic at the beginning (and seeing the magnet for galactic haters it is, no wonder she didn't like it afterwards); but she REALLY is stubborn and will put others before herself so this little group continued to publish despote the haters because they had fun writing the story and there's no way sensible people will back-up on what they like just because of some childish/rantish/jealous/bitchy/egocentric people who believe the entire internet/world should revolve around things they approve of (raise your hand if you already faced a 7-year-old brat telling you he/she hates carrots thus carrots should be erradicated from the world, same concept).

Self-Parody = Clow and the original authors actually disliked OCs (most common use of OC in fanfics) and like to put some parody/paradoxical cliches in the fic through Fuu's attributes or point of view. Cookies for the readers who actually saw it in the undertone; Hugs for the readers who actually like it as much as us!

Reviews & PMs = PMS welcome, anonymous reviews will just be blocked/deleted if you don't have the guts to come and talk to our face (and having decent argumentation to support your claims)

Sue-Witch-Hunting = Like to read this story, tell us; Would like some improvement/details/explanation, message us; Find the story is not interesting, drop reading it; Come and tell us, why not but no care; Come and ask us to write for your OC, sorry no won't do; Come and start a debate about Sue, just go back to square one to buy yourself a basic kit about fiction-writing and decent-critique and we'll talk later.

Hiatus = new main author is there and will resume new chapter after common planning of future Arcs with rest of the team. Expect more chapters from now on!

SORRY FOR THE 1 YEAR HIATUS. SOME IN THE AUTHOR TEAM BECAME DADDY AND THAT'S THE BEST EXCUSE EVER TO GET BACK TO REAL LIFE! THANKS TO ALL OUR NORMAL READERS WHO DIDN'T FORGET US! HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY FOLLOWING THIS ADVENTURE AS MUCH AS WE ENJOY WRITING IT!!!]

[Transcript end.]

According to this, about the only thing that looked like it was under Fuu's control was the DeviantArt account which, while the documented drama there (concerning art trades, as far as I can find) isn't great either (and there's no clue as to who headed up the youtube channel - yes, there's a youtube channel), it really pales in comparison to what this 'team' of friends decided to do for fun... which I think is fairly well summarized by this review from Psychic Monkey Mafia (also circa 2012)

[Transcript starts:]

[So a friend of mine told me to check out this fanfiction, they happen to be a fan of it and said that I should check it out as a fan of One Piece. I also heard a lot of good things about this fic, so I really tried to approach this in a positive light. Look, I am sorry, but this is honestly one of the creepiest fics that I've ever seen. For the life of me I cannot tell what the hell is going on. The canon characters are really out of character, they are practically helpless half of the time, and what they are doing makes little sense. Could you actually explain what's going on? Having creative liberty over characterizations normally is okay, but I can barely recognize any of these people. It's like watching a week marathon of the 4Kids dub versions of them. Also Ace in this story is an absolute creepy ass scumbag that deserves to be shot, hung, and stabbed for good measure. I'm sorry, but the way he's written, he is a real pig, along with most of the men in this fic. I really don't see how the hell this is supposed to be romantic, it's really sexist to both genders and it is really sad. Also if this really was written by a group of 'friends' of the real Fuu, I seriously think you need to consider getting some new friends, because the way they wrote you is awful and damn near spiteful. I'd like to think that you as a person deserve better much than that. I really hope that one day you would consider rewriting this, because despite its faults, there does seem to be potential for an interesting story.]

[Transcript ends]

It's a pretty polite review for how awful a picture it paints. The problem with Tenshi No Fuu, it seems, is less of the concept and more in the people who wrote it, and that group doesn't seem to actually include the girl who gets all the blame from people.

[rocketmuse]

I thought I'd share my playlist for the anniversary of the boathouse kiss. :)

Song translations, MANY thoughts, and timeline under the break.

Noise warning for song 19, Hinahanap-Hanap Kita. 4:23 to the end. Loud high pitched beeps.

YouTube music version to be made soon.

Translations for foreign songs:

Ewan [Dunno] — Apo Hiking Society — Filipino/Tagalog

Amour plastique [Plastic love] — Videoclub — French

Panalangin [Prayer] — Apo Hiking Society/Moonstar88 — Filipino/Tagalog

Hinahanap-Hanap Kita [I'm Looking For You] — Rivermaya — Filipino/Tagalog

This is a collaborative playlist made with my friend.

Thought Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy would be a good starter song. Something about the music. Represents a good start of Alec persuing Maurice, like, hey, I can be yours... Whatcha doin'?

I added Puppy Princess because of the chorus but I know some people don't like that song so... You can skip if you'd like. KISS MEEEEE KIISS ME WITH YIIR EYESSS CLOSED . ALL I WANT IS YOU YEAH YOU. TELL ME I'M NOT FUNNY TELL ME I'M LEGIIIIT

Ewan. OH MY GOD this song is so them. Alec cares for Maurice, and doesn't like not being taken seriously or being treated badly and brushed off.

"I don't know why you're like that, you're difficult to talk to and you're a snob" COME ON IS THAT NOT THEM — Just a smile from you, and I'll be in heaven. Please give me a response, anything but "No idea"... What a perfect representation of Alec's continuous persuit of Maurice, always talking, always trying...

I could go on with every lyric.

Edit: I just realised this song fits so well for Alec's letters and meeting at the museum. Must resist the urge to add the same exact track twice.

So about Touch Me... Some of the lyrics apply better in other versions. Spotify just has this version tho. Touch me, just like that.

All I've Ever Known. Maurice discovered so much that night about touch and sharing and being with someone. He wants to be with Alec. "All I've ever known is how to hold my own, but now I want to hold you too. [Hold you close, I don't wanna ever have to let you go. Hold you tight, I don't wanna to back to the lonely life.]" Alec opened up his eyes and he'll never be the same.

Can't Help Falling in Love With You. 'Did you ever dream you'd a friend, Alec? ... Someone to last your whole life...' 'Alec, you're a dear fellow and we've been very happy.'

I'd Like To Walk Around In Your Mind was added from Maurice's perspective. Perhaps it fits Alec too...

I think Love At First Sight has the double meaning of the literal title, as well as "wouldn't you like to kiss her" perhaps being... Something Maurice would hear.

I Don't Dance. Based on this post/edit. Please watch this video oh my God.

Pink in the Night. Alec yearns for Maurice in the boathouse. He hasn't come. He hears his heart breaking tonight.

Every lyric is perhaps pulled straight from Alec's brain, to be honest. I remember seeing a post with this song in other contexts with them too. So yes, a few meanings.

Amour plastique. Alec reminiscences on the night in the Russet room. Why hasn't he come?

In my mind, everything goes wild. I lose myself in your eyes. I drown myself in the vagueness of your loving gaze.

And at night I cry tears that stream down my cheeks. I think of you only when the days ends, only when my sad demons descend upon my mind, into the bottomless abyss.

Waiting in the boathouse at night, when the day ends.

I ring out in kisses all down your chest. Lost in the avalanche of my heart astray. Who are you? Where are you?

The moments of then repeat in his mind. Where is Maurice?

I suppose Hopelessly Devoted To You and I'm A Fool To Want You are self explanatory. Maurice should really come... Alec really toughed it out, 2 days he spent in the boathouse, really wanted to see Maurice, really knew they had something, and doesn't want to be treated like a dog. Generally, his 1st letter.

Moon Song. My friend said they added it as a general love song. — Why do you treat me like this? Why didn't you come to the boathouse? — Alec's 2nd letter as a whole. Plus bits of 1st.

And you pushed me in, and now my feet can't touch the bottom of you. ... So I will wait for the next time you want me, like a dog with a bird at your door.

Ewan would fit here tbh.

Panalangin. My only prayer in this lifetime: to be beside you, to be together with you, that's my prayer.

"I since cricket match do long to ... place both arms round you and share with you, the above now seems sweeter than words can say."

And this heart won't allow if you will be away from me, my love, please listen.

It also fits the end of museum.

I Want You. Maurice, can you come to the boathouse already? Alec has no power to teleport you there. I hold one card that I can't use.

I found you. I found the door, but when I stepped through, there was no floor. He found Maurice, bit he's not being here for Alec.

You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over And I love you, darling And I am done, dear

Alec wishes this would happen. Also, he does come back later and they love again over, and "it is finished".

Credit for suggesting the next two songs goes to @beatle-capaldi!!! He also wrote was in quotations!

English Summer Rain

The Most Radical Thing To Do

Hinahanap-Hanap Kita. 1st letter, he's looking for Maurice. Thinking about them together.

In my thoughts and dreams, in every turn of destiny, I look for you. Also applies to that hotel/post-hotel feeling. I look for you, even if I try to forget you, saying goodbye, looking back...

Wildest Dreams. They think a lot of each other. They share once more. But they must say goodbye. Alec saw this coming. Maurice hopes that Alec will remember him like this.

I Hear a Symphony. Alec truly opened up Maurice's eyes. Maurice was meant to be with him. He helped Maurice, changed his life. But now Alec is leaving on ship... Or is he? The symphony leads into...

An orchestral sountrack. The Boathouse. Unfortunately the Maurice soundtrack is not on spotify. It's on my personal YouTube music version. I added it because it just captures the boathouse the only way the sountrack itself can.

The Word of Your Body (Reprise). MLM people have moment of romantic tension, which culminates in confessions of love. Just had to add it. "Haven't you heard the word of your body?" perfectly describes Alec gifting and showing Maurice the wonder of truest physical affection and love. He lets Maurice be okay with himself, and again, changes everything. Every lyric is perfect.

Also, sorry JBW, I like other versions more... Too bad Spotify is mean.

I See The Light. Yeah. Every lyric. Maurice is Rapunzel. Movie Blond too. Both the morning at Russet room and the museum. And the world has somehow shifted. All at once everything is different, now that I see you. "By now they were in love with each other consciously."...

Suddenly Seymour. Suddenly see more, yeah? Clive = ass and someone gives him affection for once, wow! Sidenote, I want to sing this with them and their accents... Suddenly SCUDDER...

Helpless. Musical theatre songs seem to be good retellings of their love story. It's why they belong in post boathouse. Summaries and retellings. They're also good at conveying love they'd feel for each other in general, all times ever. Like loving men, retelling a story.

I'll Cover You. Cute love song feat. gays. I like to imagine them dancing around, declaring their love and devotion for each other. Walking and dancing around like in the original scene, sometime post canon. In my own imagination, I thought of Alec as Angel and Maurice (Christopher) as Collins.

Video Games. They must love spending time together. I thought this to be Maurice POV. Only worth living if somebody is loving you I mean, come on.

It's you, it's you, it's all for you. Everything I do. I tell you all the time, heaven is a place on Earth with you.

Un sospiro. I headcanon that Maurice picks up the piano and plays for Alec. Perhaps he picked it up bc of/after Clive, but now can play it for someone who gives a shit.

Something about the melody reminds me of them. And then it gets more intense... A bit like the passions of love, showing up in sharing and touch and more, too.

Liebestraum. I mean, it means love dream/dream of love. I just had to. Also I just like Liszt.

Take Me Up With You, Dearie. This song is just so sweet... So soft... Edwardian to boot... I love how quintessentially 1909 it is. Discovered it in a YT video. The thought of them getting married makes me cry. This song in general makes me want to cry, it's so romantic, tender, and exudes my favourite era...

Let us float, float, float through the clouds, and just have a lot of fun. We'll go up, up, up as two and then come down as one.

Put Your Head on My Shoulder. We Belong Together. I always imagine Maurice and Alec slowdancing to songs that come on the radio together, when the 1950s hits... Alec probably rests his head on his shoulder as this plays and they dance...

I'm using a lot of ellipses, am I secretly Rupert Graves?

Welcome to the 70s and 80s. They love dancing together and being with each other. Now, Panalangin can be a happy song. My only prayer for this lifetime ... To be together with you. And this heart won't allow if you will be away from me.

Just the Two of Us. What a nice, vibey song. Great title, great scenario of them dancing to this...

Tiny Dancer. Your Song. MLM people in the 70s + Radio, being happy and in love with each other. — I just thought I should add some Elton. A different friend, and I, like him. Maurice sings to Alec, "And you can tell everybody this is your song." That I put down in words how wonderful life is with you in the world.

Electric Love. Fun fact: this song got me to share the playlist. Got me thinking about them and their anniversary again. The funky busy instrumental describes well their passionate love. The highs of electric LOOOOOOVE describe the intensity of them.

Alt text continued: themselves together under and the love. And the love. The song has its own tension and it perfectly pictures their own tension. So yeah, this is THEIR song quite literally.

Sorry if my music taste is perhaps basic. I just made it for when I hear songs that are Them.

Falling for Ya. Alec falls for Maurice. "I saw you when you first drove up, Mr Hall..." Something about Maurice, right? Plus really nice vintage vibes with the music. The bit about Into your arms and it's a secure sure sounds like Maurice. Awh, they're falling for *each other*...

Rainbow Connections. Gay and bi people. Marriage. Everything that Maurice and Alec went through to get here, where they were meant to be. Clive. Working for Clive. Leading up to now.

All the things that had to go right, all the things that had to go wrong, that lead us to the place where we were going all along.

On the YT version there's a soft/jazzy cover of Panalangin here. Because they're old and spending time together and being happy. What a throwback, a defined meaning in their lives over time.

Still Into You. After all these decades... Old and grown, together... True soulmates... Two men can defy the world... Maurice and Alec still roam the greenwood. Imagine Maurice meeting Alec's mom in this context. If only.

Postmodern Jukebox cover, because they are a quintessentially 20th century couple. They exude vintage.

Some piano playing for Alec. Soft, tender, romantic, emotional, true. Feels like nighttime. Feels like Maurice and Alec. And a throwback to the pre 1914 world as well. Claire de Lune feels like... A credits of life piece. Time spent in the early 1980s. Nocturne feels like that too, but more romantic. Smidge less nighttime. Ah yes, Gymnopédies. The truest credits feel of them all. None of these actually are credits for Maurice and Alec, but I struggle to find the word for this feeling. But yeah. These all have Them vibes to me. Piano of the time just does I suppose. Glad to be reminded of them at any time.

What a long playlist. Like going through almost their whole lives together. 1:52 hrs. Almost like a movie. Imagine that. A full movie of THEIR lives... But leaving to the imagination was a good thing. Led to this such action. Thank you E.M. Forster.

Timeline:

1. Pendersleigh

4. & 5. Russet Room. Night, then Morning

9. Cricket

10. Boathouse Nights

18. The Museum

20. The Hotel

21. After

23. The Boathouse

24. They Still Roam the Greenwood

I just like to imagine them dancing to songs on the radio, for decades to come...

[supermiraculousladybug]

The Disturbing Dark Truth about Cat Noir (Theory).

Hello my name is well it doesn't matter what my name is but what matters is this dark disturbing truth behind our favorite kitten, Cat Noir and what is he really behind all the jokes/puns/flirt but mostly what person inspired Thomas Astruc to create Cat Noir.

Cat Noir is actually inspired by a little boy Thomas Astruc knew since childhood. His name is Anthony Cheung-Fernández, son of Wang Lei-Zhang Wei Huáng-Cheung, a Chinese American biker gang member and Catalina-Juana "CJ" Luciana Fernández-Hernández, an underage Mexican-Latina prostitute/stripper but i'm not gonna get into his childhood even despite he's an inspiration for Cat Noir. Behind his jokes , puns and flirtatious motivations, I think it's possible Cat Noir is an abused mentally unstable boy with special needs and so we only see the imagined world and events through his eyes because he's coping with the harsh and cruel reality of the world he's born into.

Cat Noir is a crack baby because his mom smoked all lot of crack cocaine while she was carrying him in her womb and it causes Cat Noir mental and psychological damage for life but he even has tremors from arms and legs to whole body because he's so severely damaged by crack cocaine and since he's severely uncontrolled shaky, you might mistaken Cat Noir's uncontrollable tremors for being cold and having seizures but often he has high-pitched screaming and high-pitched crying which he's often mistakenly thought to be a girl by others and his instabilities are also the results of being a crack baby.

What Cat Noir's classmates didn't know, is the frequent abuse and neglect Cat Noir has endured and suffered at home. Cat Noir is a special needs child who suffer from abuse , neglect and bullying but this traumatic experiences has left poor Cat Noir traumatized , easily scared , shy , nervous , easily startled , shaking-in-fear and easily fearful or easily frightened of others. A bunch of mean kids and bullies would called Cat Noir "stupid" , "dummy" , "idiot" , "retard" , "dumbass" and "dimwitted" since they knew Cat Noir has Autism , Down Syndrome , Mental Retardation and Hydrocephalus, they believe he's too stupid to be in school and having low-intelligence means he can't learn.

Due to Cat Noir having Autism and Down Syndrome it can be hard for him to keep up with other kids because he learns things slowly than others and it's no wonder he's put into a Special Education classes. Cat Noir was born with Down Syndrome due to his younger mother's age and older father's age but some children with Down syndrome (like Cat Noir) are born to women under age 35 because younger women have far more babies.

But if we only see the imagined world and events through his eyes wouldn't that means it's nothing but Cat Noir's imaginations we only saw on the show but if that's the case then how come we don't see the reality outside of his eyes, could it be that outside of his eyes, it's full of neglect , abuse , torture , lies , bullying and harassment that he turned to his imaginations , puns and jokes as a coping mechanism to escape from it. So we're gonna analyzed his relationship with other people and compared to the canon relationship he supposedly has.

Ladybug.

She is a friend of Cat Noir but also the closes he has but is she really a good friend to Cat Noir? In the show, Ladybug is shown to be verbally abusive and physically abusive towards Cat Noir in almost various episodes from Bubbler , Origins Part 1 , Stormy Weather and Sliencer, she uses her yoyo to hit Cat Noir with but surprisingly she never regretted but kept on doing it. Ladybug knew about Cat Noir's condition but instead of sympathizing with him and supporting/getting him help, she chose to convinced him his imaginations is real and everything he believes is reality but that's reason why Cat Noir depicted Ladybug as a stubborn , easily annoyed and bad-tempered person who's so quickly to get angry but this is the tip of the iceberg because Ladybug is not just verbally abusive and physically abusive, she's also sexually abusive towards Cat Noir. Ladybug would take advantage of Cat Noir by raping him but she usually would forced herself on Cat Noir and grabbed his penis and put it into her vagina even though despite Cat Noir not being ready for a proportional relationship, she's willing to do whatever she wants with him even if it means it the cost of their friendship, it also explains why Ladybug flirts with Cat Noir because Cat Noir knew about Ladybug being sexually abusive and sexually active. Ladybug has been doing this since the age of 12 while Cat Noir was 11 but ever since then she's been doing sexual activities with Cat Noir due to her seeing Cat Noir as a sex toy to play and have "fun" with, due it's no wonder throughout the series Cat Noir is never started dating because of the history of being sexually abused. Ladybug has Black hair with Blue reflections and Baby blue eyes but has a slim body, her middle name is Marietta although is a similar name to Cat Noir's elder half sister, Marietta "Marie" Kyle.

Marinette.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng is a teenage Eurasian girl who is close friends with Cat Noir, she's 2 months older than Cat Noir (Marinette was born on July 22, 2001 and Cat Noir was born on September 25, 2001) and she's been mistaken for Ladybug and Marietta by Cat Noir because she looks like them.

Marinette has 2 older half sisters, Bridgette Cheng and Charlotte Dupain, who were born from their parents 1st marriage which it makes Marinette born from 2nd marriage. Her parents are Tom Dupain, an Italian-French baker who love his Bakery and his daughters including his stepdaughter and Sabine Cheng, a Chinese immigrant who moved from China to Paris with her daughter to give her a better life and loves her daughters including her stepdaughter.

Marinette has a mixture of Black and Blue hair with Bluebell eyes but she's always mistaken to be Ladybug or Marietta by Cat Noir very often because to Cat Noir, Ladybug and Marinette looked the same but also it's due to how Marinette and Marietta look very similar because of their names and hair colors.

Much like Cat Noir, Marinette has been bullied by Chloé Bourgeois, one of the most popular girls in Françoise Dupont High School but unlike Cat Noir, Marinette had been bullied by Chloé since Kindergarten. Although due to being bullied at school, Marinette became insecure about herself and is scared of Chloé since then.

Marinette has ADHD , Dyslexia , Dyscalculia and Dyspraxia or "Clumsy Child Syndrome" which it explains about her clumsiness and reading difficulties but she's not alone as Cat Noir had learning disabilities himself so he knew how Marinette feels when it comes to being different from other kids. When Marinette said "But all the teachers say I don't sound natural when I read" meaning all teachers are aware of Marinette's reading difficulty and Cat Noir did a good job of depicting Marinette as a "clumsy girl with reading problems" since he knew her so too well. Despite Marinette being clumsy in front of Cat Noir, he's still doesn't understand her condition even tho he has learned about it before.

Marinette does have a close bond with Cat Noir as they're best friends and their friendship is stronger but they can very protective of each other at times because for Marinette, she knew Cat Noir has Autism and is very vulnerable to getting hurt easily and getting attacked by bullies and mean kids but for Cat Noir, it's due to his feline instincts of being protective of their owners, since Marinette is the closest to an "owner" Cat Noir actually has.

Marinette have sleepover with her friends and Cat Noir but mostly it's with Cat Noir because he's the only boy who's interested in girl stuff like makeups , dresses and skirts.

Marinette is aware of Cat Noir's instabilities and knows he's not given any help but she's able to give Cat Noir support. Marinette knew Cat Noir has long-term tremors since he's a crack baby and knows he has a hard time controlling his body movement. Marinette does frequently often visits Cat Noir in Mrs. Caroline's Class, a Special Education Class where Cat Noir goes in because of his learning disabilities and it was thought that because of Marinette's reading and learning disability, she would be in Mrs. Caroline's Special Ed class but instead she's currently in Mrs. Bustier's class.

Chloé Bourgeois.

Chloé is the most popular girl in Françoise Dupont High School and is the head cheer captain of a cheerleading squad.

She is the daughter of the Mayor of Paris and Queen of Fashion magazines and owner of a fashion company. Chloé is spoiled rotten by her father and verbally and emotionally abused by her mother.

Chloé knew Cat Noir before preschool and it was when his mother worked as a maid for The Bourgeois family but unfortunately she saw Cat Noir's mom sleeping with her father and Audrey was so angry at Cat Noir's mother that she wanted her fired but however André kept her on. Due to this it causes Chloé to take her anger and frustration out on Cat Noir by bullying him for being the "son of a hooker" but most importantly it explains why in fanfiction stories, Chloé mistreated Cat Noir. Chloé has always bullied and making fun of Cat Noir for coming from a very poor family , living in a shack to living in a 1960s motorhome , wearing baggy outfits , not being as rich as her , not being as popular as her , not being as smart as her , being dirty , being weak , being a mama's boy , not being muscular like other boys and not having masculinity like other boys. But however Chloé can go too far whenever she bullies Cat Noir, like she's been beaten him up causing Cat Noir's injuries to be more visible and bleeding.

His mother.

Cat Noir's mother is Selina Kyle, an alcoholic , drug addict and smoker young mother who gave birth to 8 children from 7 different fathers. She became a mother at a young age and she's an mentally unstable person who barely could take care of her children. She went from having multiple boyfriends to having multiple girlfriends. All of her children look more like their fathers than their mother. She bears a passion hatred towards man because she was physically abused by her father when she was a child. Her mother committed suicide when she was little and since she's the only one who looks like her mother, it's no wonder her father abuses her physically.

She had Cat Noir at 17 from a father she hardly knew and the baby daddy was 38 when Cat Noir was born. Since the baby daddy was arrested for supposedly "gang raping a minor", not only he'll never meet his baby but she'll have to raised Cat Noir on her own. She was so unstable both mentally and physically, she abused and neglected Cat Noir often 24/7 but she did leave him in a neglected state. She left her children in the care of her boyfriend but her boyfriend wanted nothing to do with Cat Noir and so as a result, he locked Cat Noir in the room for an hour or days or even a month/years whenever he has to deal with Cat Noir.

Selina abuse drugs and alcohol when she was a kid but due to this, the drugs completely fried her brain and gave her permanent brain damage but the alcohol cause her brain damage to worsen, she had memory loss. Thanks to the drugs it caused her to be unstable both mentally and physically, she went to a rehabilitation facilities for drug addicts and alcoholics like herself but she went from going to rehab often to now staying there until she's drug-free and alcohol-free because of her history of drug usage and overdosing on them but surprisingly surviving it, due to this she became absent in not only her kids but Cat Noir's life as well and she also became very sickly , extremely tired , supposedly weight gaining and severely skinny.

Rose Lavillant.

Rose Lavillant is one of Marinette's closest friends and the most nicest person Cat Noir has ever met. Rose is lead singer of a rock band, Kitty Section and Kitty Section band is a hybrid of a cat and unicorn but Cat Noir likes to call Kitty Section "Unikitty" since it is a combination after all. Rose loves unicorns which it's why Cat Noir sees her as a playmate and is depicted as sweet , kind and playful according to Cat Noir at least. Princess Twinkle Peach is Rose's favorite plush unicorn although Cat Noir finds Princess Twinkle Peach interesting because of her designs but again with his schizophrenic condition, he thought Princess Twinkle Peach can talk to him and move on her own.

She likes to sit on a soft pink cushion seat so it smoothed Cat Noir.

Lila Rossi.

Lila is the most popular girl in Françoise Dupont High School, she's from Italy and back in Italy, she used to bully a girl for no reasons. Lila is the biggest slut in school.

When Lila was at school in Italy, she used to sleep with popular guys for popularity. Lila most likely slept with Cat Noir because she knew he's the most vulnerable child and would get easily taken advantage of but Lila always raped Cat Noir which it causes her exposure in the first place and she barely took advantage of Cat Noir.

Much like Cat Noir, Lila grew up without a father in her life and is only raised by her mother but unlike Cat Noir, Lila lies about her home life , parents , why she's not in school , why she had bad grades , where she's at , why she's late , why she's failing and why she's tired.

Last but not least Cat Noir (even though he doesn't count as a relationship).

Cat Noir was born premature and as an accident on September 25, 2001 to an underage prostitute and a grown biker gang member. When he was born, he was in a incubator in the NICU room. He was an unexpected , unplanned and unwanted child because he has his dad's looks such as blonde hair , green eyes and orange-tinted skin.

Cat Noir has Autism , Mental Retardation , Severe Schizophrenia , Down Syndrome , Bilateral Complete Cleft Lip and Palate , Congenital Heart Defect , Fetal Alcohol Syndrome , Alcohol-Related Birth Defect and Hydrocephalus but he has 3 types of Autism, Low-functioning Autism , Asperger's Syndrome and Severe Autism or Level 3 Autism. Due to his condition, he even has a learning disability as a result from his Autism , Down Syndrome , Mental Retardation and Hydrocephalus. Cat Noir even has a stunted growth as a result of his mom's alcoholism and it's no wonder he's short and looks younger for his age.

Cat Noir comes from a very poor family and lives from a shack to a 1960s motorhome. He's the 7th child of 8 children and each of Cat Noir's siblings have different fathers but they all have the same mother, Cat Noir is the oldest male in the household full of girls but his mom only wanted daughters so by the time Cat Noir was born, she's disappointed her baby is male and blamed the father for giving her a son instead of a daughter.

Cat Noir's mother was only 17 years old when she gave birth to Cat Noir although he was brought into the world irresponsibly by his mother because of her drug addictions and results due to 5 times of broken condoms. Cat Noir was raised by his absent on-and-off again mother and his mom often neglected Cat Noir 24/7 but she left him in a care of someone else except they neglected and abused Cat Noir too because he resembled his mother.

Cat Noir was often abused and neglected by his babysitters and other caretakers. What's even more messed up is the fact that he's a special needs child since he's autistic and have down syndrome but one of his babysitters would leave him in filth and one of his caretakers would beat him if he make noises.

Cat Noir transfer to Françoise Dupont High School at age 11+1/2 years old when he was in the 7th grade due to frequent bullying , abuse and neglect at a previous school, he's in a special ed class. The first person he met was Marinette Dupain-Cheng who was 12 years old at the time and since then he became inseparable towards Marinette due to her kindness , good nature , sweet tendencies and being nice to him.

Cat Noir sees Marinette as a mother figure and often calls her "mommy" but he likes to cuddle with Marinette and rub his face on Marinette to his affection towards her. Marinette knows Cat Noir has Autism and Down Syndrome thus she's patient and gentle with Cat Noir. Marinette taught Cat Noir how to walk and talk at 13 years old despite what everyone told her she can't teach Cat Noir speech.

Cat Noir has a developmental delay and due to this, he can't meet his milestones like dressing up on his own , feeding himself , cleaning himself , tying his own shoelaces , brushing his hair , brushing his teeth , taking a bath on his own and toilet training.

The before and after Aftermath of abuse and neglect.

Cat Noir was placed in the care of his mother's boyfriend but sadly he was further abused by his mom's boyfriend and neglected by him, he was even locked in his room 24/7, due to this isolation and neglect, Cat Noir's only companion was his stuff animals and his schizophrenic state is worsen but he believes his stuff animals could talk to him and move by themselves but it however freaks out other people because "what kind of kid believes his stuffed animals would talk and moving on its own" but he supposedly is always talking gibberish to "someone" else when actually he's talking to himself.

Cat Noir was born premature and as an accident due to a broken condom. He has Autism , Mental Retardation , Severe Schizophrenia , Down Syndrome , Bilateral Complete Cleft Lip and Palate , Congenital Heart Defect , Fetal Alcohol Syndrome , Alcohol-Related Birth Defect and Hydrocephalus but his Severe Schizophrenia , Bilateral Complete Cleft Lip and Palate , Congenital Heart Defect , Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Alcohol-Related Birth Defect. His Autism , Mental Retardation and Down Syndrome were due to his mom's age being 17 and his dad's age being 38 but most importantly he has Hydrocephalus because of unknown reasons but what if it's actually due to his older father and young mother then it makes sense.

Does Lila really hate Ladybug for embarrassing her in front of the boy she liked or Is it actually in the mind of Cat Noir thinking that's what it is?

Ever wondered why Lila hated Ladybug with a passion, you may think it's because of Ladybug embarrassing Lila in front of Adrien but it's actually not true in fact it's nothing but in Cat Noir's mind, Cat Noir thinks this is why Lila hated Ladybug but in reality it's because Ladybug exposing Lila on how much of a skank oh she is because that bitch sleeps with every guy at school for popularity but however Cat Noir was unaware of Lila being a slut. In Volpina, Lila lies to Adrien about being a descendant of a fox-themed heroine, Volpina but after Ladybug humiliates her in front of Adrien Agreste by exposing her lies about the both of them being close friends and her owning the Fox Miraculous, she hated Ladybug ever since then, however this is not what happened, what actually happen in Volpina is Lila slept with Cat Noir for fame and popularity even despite Cat Noir being the school's outcast and misfit but it didn't matter to her she can sleep with any guy at school. Not only did Lila slept with Cat Noir but she also raped him, Lila knew Cat Noir has a history of being sexually assaulted and is the most vulnerable child but sadly she kept on touching him inappropriately. Ladybug later saw Lila taking advantage of Cat Noir and exposes her as "a bitch who sleeps with every special needs guy at school for personal game , stardom and being well-liked or well-known" since then everyone at school knew Lila is a hoe and loves to sleep with guys with special needs at school for stardom and popularity so that day she hated Ladybug since then.

Is Marinette a normal girl or did Cat Noir sees her as one?

In the theme song it said "In the daytime, I'm Marinette, Just a normal girl with a normal life. But there's something about me that no one knows yet, Cause I have a secret." You heard it "just a normal girl" now the question Is Marinette really normal? Cat Noir depicted Marinette as a shy and clumsy girl who's nice to everyone but Cat Noir knew Marinette doesn't sound natural when she reads so in reality it's due to her Dyslexia and Dyscalculia.

Why does Cat Noir wear a mask?

Cat Noir is known to wear a mask but ever wondered why he wore a mask?, you would think it's because he's hiding his secret identity from others but I think it's because he's hiding a large burn scar on the left side of his face because his mom accidentally spills hot boiling water onto the left side of Cat Noir's face causing the scar to be badly burned and permanent when Cat Noir was younger, as a result of this incident, Cat Noir wore his famous iconic mask to covered the burn scar.

From aftermath of abuse and neglect to foster care.

Since before the age of 13, Cat Noir was frequently abused and neglected by his mother's on-and-off again ex-boyfriend who beats Cat Noir 24/7 whenever he has to deal with Cat Noir and never likes to care of/babysat Cat Noir whenever Cat Noir's mom goes out for work , with one of her multiple boyfriends , to a bar , to the movies with her friends , shopping and going to jail for crimes but most importantly she's currently in a rehabilitation center so this means her ex-boyfriend has to take care of Cat Noir fulltime but he doesn't want to so he locked Cat Noir in his room 24/7 so didn't want to deal with Cat Noir. Everyone started noticing different about Cat Noir, he was severely malnourished , has bruised fingers , bruised toes , black-eye , broken nose , bruised lips , badly bitten arms , badly bitten legs , swollen arms , swollen legs , swollen gums , badly bitten ears , badly bitten fingers , badly bitten toes , knocked-out teeth , scraped knees , scraped elbows , slapped cheeks , bruised bottom and bruised-up back but worse of all, Cat Noir even had a bruised forehead and the fact Cat Noir is a special needs child, is still shocking.

Not long after Cat Noir turns 13 years old, the abuse and neglect became far more worst until one of the school's Child Psychologists took notice of Cat Noir's wounds and find out he's been frequently terribly abused and neglected by his mom's on-and-off again ex-boyfriend since the age of 8. The Child Psychologists decide to contacted the polices and social services to come and take Cat Noir away from the home. Cat Noir was taken to hospital and one of doctors found out Cat Noir is actually 13 with the body of an 11-year-old child but they even find out Cat Noir has a small severely damaged brain.

Cat Noir's Severe Schizophrenia is already worsen up due to again being a crack baby. He believes his imaginations are a reality because of how much he's been convinced too often. Cat Noir hear voices in his head and see things that aren't there but he often talks to himself despite thinking he's talking someone else.

First foster home.

After Cat Noir's mom's ex-boyfriend was arrested for child abuse and child neglect, Cat Noir was placed in Child's Care Services (CCS) because his mother is too unstable to care for him but however Cat Noir is badly affected by the abuse and neglect he suffers for so long that he didn't want to be touched and he has a shock look on his face whenever he break things he didn't mean to which it explains why in the episode, Simon Says, Cat Noir gave a shock look after scolding at Gabriel because in reality he thought he's going to get beaten. Originally Cat Noir was gonna be placed in one of his relative's house but his social worker didn't know how to get in contact with them and he was originally going to be placed in the care of his dad but no one knows where he's currently lives and he has permanent record so he can't be around kids not even his own child.

Cat Noir's social worker decide to put Cat Noir into foster care since there's no one who can take him in. Cat Noir's 1st foster home was bad because his foster parents frequently abused and neglected him but bad enough, the only reason why they take Cat Noir in because they're only doing this for money so they can spend it on and rottenly spoiled their biological kids. His foster mom did the worst things to Cat Noir, such as locking him in his room , refusing Cat Noir to have any contact with anyone and her biological children , refusing to feed Cat Noir , refusing to clothed Cat Noir , leaving Cat Noir in a filthy state , strapping Cat Noir to a potty chair in the daytime , putting Cat Noir into a straitjacket and locking him in a cage-like crib in the daytime and letting her kids bullied Cat Noir 24/7. One day his social worker notice Cat Noir in a terrible state and deciding removed Cat Noir from this terrible house.

From Second foster home to 11th foster home.

Cat Noir had to be moved from foster home to another foster home due frequent abuse and neglect happening but it's like to Cat Noir, no matter where he goes he'll always get abused and neglected. His second and 11th foster home was so bad that he had to be removed again and be placed in a new home but he's always getting bruises all over him as if his previous foster parents don't care about him and only seems to be interested in financials than caring for their foster child. But however it did take 2 weeks for the social workers to placed Cat Noir in a new home and it's always gonna turned bad, no matter what home Cat Noir was placed in and good thing the social workers decide to removed Cat Noir from a terrible home.

12th and Final foster home.

Not long after Cat Noir was removed from his 11th foster home, his social worker almost decide to give up trying to find a good place for Cat Noir to call home and a family to belong to but one of the employees told Cat Noir's social worker that there's one more chance of finding a good home for Cat Noir. Cat Noir's social worker found a home to placed Cat Noir in, The Jackson Family, they have a stable home , love , affection , enough food and care but most importantly at least it's safe place for Cat Noir to call home. He was so malnourished that he became hungry often despite he just ate.

Adoption

Not long after months of Cat Noir being placed in the care of The Jackson family, Christine Jackson, Cat Noir's foster mom decide to adopted Cat Noir and her husband, Harold Jackson, Cat Noir's foster dad agreed to this since they are parental figures to Cat Noir but at first when Cat Noir was placed in their care it was difficult for them to care for a child with special needs but they didn't give up on him and kept providing love and affection towards Cat Noir. Cat Noir was 13 when he was placed in the care of Christine Jackson and Harold Jackson but at first Christine thought Cat Noir was 11, only to find out he's actually 13 and this causes her to take Cat Noir to the hospital but that's when she find out everything about Cat Noir. 3 months later, Christine and Harold officially adopted 13-year-old Cat Noir but they continue to take care of him.

I hope you love this theory.

[atomicduckthefirst]

How long have you been watching MLB? I can't remember but i think it was about maybe ~3 years? There were definitely a few months min before season 2 came out on Netflix

Cosplayed? No

Merch? No

Gotten anyone into it? No

How did you get into it? My family told me I never chose anything new to watch so out of spite I chose something new to watch

What power would you have as an Akuma? Power to make people keep their promises probably

Rather be attacked by Lady Wifi or the Bubbler? Lady Wifi. As far as I know, her powers don't actually give her the ability to kill me (unless she chucks me off a roof) so worst case scenario I guess I'm stuck as a statue forever (kind of death? At least scientists from the future have a real-life human specimen lol)

Which miraculous would you choose? Either the Fox or the Snake. I'd like to play a supporting role thank you very much (Actually fighting a supervillain like a superhero should? Lol who does that)

Favorite ship? Ladynoir

Sinful ship? Don't really have one?

Favorite lovesquare ship? Ladynoir

Favorite side-character? Kagami

Favorite dub? Tbh i don't really care, but i do like the translations of the french dub better than the English dub so, french i guess? I love how much plagg's voice differs between the two and how they both fit him lol

Overrated/underrated opinions in the fandom? Overrated: MaRiNeTtE iS a BaD peRsOn. Wow. So original. So deep. Truly only the professionals hold this opinion. Underrated: Tikki = bigger food gremlin than plagg like me

Least Favorite lovesquare ship? Ladrien. Canonically they don't get much time together so I never got invested. And all of the fics are horny, which, um, aroace? Not my cup of tea. I do like the idea of them bonding over public pressure and I still love them so it's by a hair really.

Favorite fic? Don't really have one

Favorite au? Bakery enemies au is cheating so... I really like the vigilante au by @sofilandstuff .

PV or CGI? CGI because I don't think i would've gotten into the PV (*in plagg voice* I was YOUNG!)

Which character do you want to see with a Miraculous? I want to see what Emilie would do/has done with a miraculous. I think it would be really interesting.

Favorite song? Idon't know any except the wall between us 😅

Volpina, Puppeteer, Dark Cupid, and Reflekta: one fights for you, the others against you. Which do you pick? Depends on whether there are puppets of all of them. If yes, Puppeteer 100%. The only real threat is Reflekta, but since her power wouldn't actually hurt me I could just turn into a human shield until the Puppeteer take control of her, then she just takes control of the rest. If no, Volpina. Reflekta's power would be the most useful in a fight but i don't want to fight, i want to escape. Since there are no limits on Volpina's illusions, she could practically do anything. Make me invisible, "trap" them like she did with Ladybug, blackmail like she did with LB, etc. It even allows for ambushes in the middle of battles, so, just in case.

ML crush? Aroace ✌️

Felix or Adrien? Adrien

Marry, kiss, kill: Rena, Cara, Bee, in that order (we're kissing on the cheek right?)

Mirage, Shelter, or Venom? Venom

LB or CN? Ladybug

Lucky Charm or Cataclysm? Lucky Charm

Favorite scene? Hawkmoth when he akumatizes a baby

Favorite episode? Either Sandboy or Ladybug

Sleepover with Gang of secrets or The Boys™? Gang of secrets

Favorite Akuma? I actually really liked the Mime. Had a good reason, had cool powers, yeah that's all I need.

Rather CN know first or LB? Chat Noir knowing kinda destroyed the world soooo. Ladybug. But even if not, I'd still say Ladybug because girl needs a lot more time to process her feelings compared to Adrien.

Favorite kwami? Plagg (obviously)

Least favorite miraculous holder? In terms of character, Luka. In terms of superhero, Max. Idk i feel like we never got enough time with him to say "yeah, he'd be a good fit for the horse" other than futuristic vibes i guess.

Favorite transformation? Queen Bee. I love the music, love the personality, love the transitions, i just hate the person 🫠

Cat puns for a day or hawkmoth's lair? You say that like constantly speaking in cat puns isn't hiss-terical. That said curling up next to butterflies with a book seems pretty relaxing.

Thoughts on Lukanette? It's ok I guess... I don't really like Luka, I think he's too much of a Mary Sue (which is ironic considering how many of his stans are Marinette salters) but if the lovesquare didn't exist i honestly wouldn't care.

Thoughts on Adrigami? Love Adrien, love Kagami, don't think they should be in a relationship. They're obviously not on the same page, I think Kagami goes too fast and Adrien likes to take it slow (for now anyway).

Why Alya bad? She immediately believed Lila when she said she was ladybug's friend AND POSTED ONLINE an interview with her without checking other sources (specifically, LADYBUG, who seems to have an abnormally close relationship with her for some strange reason).

Why Alya good? Literally the opposite of the last point but was (apparently) the ONLY ONE to believe Marinette was innocent besides Adrien, which is even more wild when you consider she's known Marinette for a much shorter time than the class.

Who accidentally finds out Marinette is Ladybug? Her parents.

When will Émilie wake up? Probably never. Hopefully we'll get lore but i don't think we'll actually get a conscious Émilie.

Does CN get enough credit? I think he'll be fine

Favorite miraculous holder ship? Ladynoir

What ship needs more screentime? Hear me out, Roseka lovesquare

How well does Mela Lee play Tikki? 10. High enough that she fits the character, low enough that her voice isn't annoying.

Plikki? Used to ship it until Tikki said they can't feel love, now ship Plagg x Camembert (it's better anyway)

Do you enjoy crack? As long as no one else can see my screen lol

Would you reveal their identities to each other if you were all at the same table? Not if there's not a therapist there too.

Favorite character, why?

Who would you not mind leaving Paris? Literally everyone except the core four, Kagami, and Marinette's parents

Who is LB? Actual answer: Kagami, Crack Answer: Mr. Pigeon

Like Ladynoire? She's interesting.

French or English theme song? Don't really care.

The wall between us? It's cute.

Favorite va? I don't look for that stuff 😅

Pixelator? Nothing wrong with it.

Theories? Can't think of any off the top of my head

Ice or Aqua? Ice is convenient, aqua could literally save your life

Who do you relate to? Nino. Awkward, shy, super outgoing with friends and kind of scary when not, non-confrontational (rocketear doesn't exist, rocketear doesn't exist, rocke)

Unpopular opinion? It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

Don't like him but Hawaiian shirt >>> armor

Questions to know more about your mutuals! Miraculous Ladybug edition

For how long have you been watching Miraculous Ladybug?

Have you ever cosplayed as a MLB character?

Have you bought MLB merch?

Have you gotten any of your friends or family members into Miraculous Ladybug?

How did you get into Miraculous Ladybug?

If you were akumatized, what would be your power?

Would you rather being attacked by Ladywifi or The Bubbler?

If you could have any miraculous, which one would it be?

What’s your favorite ship?

What’s your sinful ship?

What’s your favorite love square ship?

Who is your favorite background character?

What’s your preferred dub?

What opinions do you find overrated and/or underrated about MLB?

What’s your least favorite love square ship?

What’s your favorite fanfic?

What’s your favorite AU?

Original PV or CGI?

What character would you like to see get a Miraculous?

What’s your favorite MLB featured song?

Reflekta, The puppeteer, Volpina and Dark Cupid; one is fighting by your side, the rest of them are trying to kill you, who would you choose as ally?

What MLB character do you have a crush on?

Who do you like better: Adrien or Félix?

Marry, kiss and kill: Rena Rouge, Carapace, or Queen Bee?

Mirage, Shellter, or Venom?

Ladybug or Chat Noir?

Lucky Charm or Cataclysm?

What’s your favorite scene?

What’s your favorite episode?

Would you rather having a sleepover with the gang of secrets or with The Boys™?

What’s your favorite akumatized villain?

Would you rather Chat Noir knowing LB’s identity or viceversa?

What’s your favorite Kwami?

What’s your least favorite Miraculous holder?

Favorite Miraculous transformation sequence?

Would You Rather be in Hawk Moth's lair for a day or have to listen to Cat Noir constantly use cat puns towards you for a whole day?

How do you feel about Lukanette?

How do you feel about Adrigami?

What's one thing that you don't like about Alya?

What is a good quality that makes Alya stand out?

Who do you think would accidentally find out about Mari's identity?

When do you think Emilie Agreste will wake up?

Do you personally think Chat gets enough credit?

Favorite Miraculous-holders ship?

What's a ship that's not in the show too much that needs more screen time?

On a scale of 1-10 how good do you think Mela Lee plays Tikki?

Do you ship Plikki?

Do you enjoy Miraculous crack?

You are in a table with Ladybug and Cat Noir. You know their true identities. Will you reveal them to each other?

Favorite character? and why?

Which character would you not mind if they were to leave Paris ?

Wrong answers only-Who could Ladybug be?

Do you like Ladynoire?

Do you perfer the french version of the Miraculous theme song or the English version?

Do you like The wall between us?

Who's your favorite actor/actress on this show?

Do you like the episode Pixelator?

What is a theory that you are willing to share?

Aqua or ice powers?

Which character do you relate the most?

What’s your unpopular opinion about the show?

Would you rather cosplay Jade Turtle or Master Fu?

[snarktheater]

Shadowhunters S2 — Episode 8

Remember how last episode Isabelle had nothing at all to do and was just kind of there, suffering from her addiction (which, again, completely misunderstands that most addictions are more about the circumstances that push someone to use rather than the drug's actual addictiveness), and we left off with her meeting with vampires? Well, as it turns out, what I thought was a subtle fade to black as the vampires bite her was a…cliffhanger. In the middle of the episode. Huh. Figures.

So this week we're back with Isabelle meeting some vampires. And to be fair she's only asking for venom, not for a bite, and when the vampires threaten to bite her, she does try to fight them off…but she needs to be rescued by Raphael for some reason. I guess the show's just given up on portraying Isabelle as the badass she's supposed to be.

Oh, and she also faints in Raphael's arms, so…guess where this is going. No, really.

What is this bullshit? Did you not hear the word of ~~god~~ Clare? Raphael is totally canon asexual! Until you decide to create a new straight, forced romance, that is.

Isabelle also asks Raphael to bite her, and swears she won't ask again, and Raphael…does it, even though he just said she needed to sweat out the venom. And even though he has his own moral quandaries against it, if his "forgive me" at the sky is anything to go by.

And hey, you know what we need in this show? Another subplot! Remember Iris, the warlock woman who wanted to make more warlock babies because she was so afraid of Valentine? She's meeting with him now!

Okay, admittedly it's because he somehow found out about what happened, and he's pissed that Iris tried to have Clary raped by a demon. But instead of asking for…I don't know, vengeance or something, he wants her to work with him, and threatens Madzie (one of her warlock children) to make her. So…I guess I gave the show too much credit when I predicted that she wouldn't be working for Valentine. My bad. They really are this predictable.

Back from their rescue of Ithuriel, Luke rants against Clary for not telling him what the Soul-Sword could do. But it's okay, because the vision Ithuriel showed them is apparently of a demon who can destroy the sword.

"How do you know that's what he was telling you?" "There's no other explanation."

Um…yes, there is. It could be a warning against that demon, rather than a "hey, go summon that demon and destroy the sword". It's not like the Soul-Sword is important or anything. But I guess this is our plot now, so I'll just write it off as Mary Sue Guessing Powers.

We see Jace researching which demon he saw in his and Clary's vision, but who cares about the important plot development! Let's have some banter about the stray cats Magnus feeds (also, Magnus drops gratuitous French, but at least he pronounces it well) and Jace acting like an overprotective big brother and telling Magnus not to hurt Alec's feelings or something.

"Now that you guys have taken things to the next level—" "He told you." "No, he didn't have to. We're parabatai." Meaningful look from Magnus "No, it's not—it's not like that. I can—I can just—I can sense that he's happier."

So…happier = sex? That's a weird assumption. (Also, it would be way more interesting if it was "like that", if you ask me). But also, if you sense that Alec's happier, why do you think Magnus will hurt him?

"You think I'd invite Maryse Lightwood to my home for just anyone?"

Can you do anything without randomly taking a jab at her?

But speaking of that invitation, let's backtrack a little to Alex and Isabelle are watching footage of Ithuriel ascending into the heavens captured from afar.

"It could be a shooting star."

Um…flying upwards? Isabelle, I know you're dealing with heavy shit, but seriously? This is ridiculous.

And from there we go to Isabelle asking about Alec's sex life, mercifully cut short by Max running in, followed by Maryse. After the usual "we hate you mom" moment, we learn that Max is going to have his runing ceremony, and Maryse wants Alec to do it, because Robert can't be there and Alec is "the eldest male in the family". But hey, Shadowhunter society is totally not patriarchal!

Isabelle storms off because Maryse didn't come to Jocelyn's funeral or even check up on her children, and Max complains that everyone in the family is fighting, revealing that Maryse and Robert are also at odds.

"Mom doesn't like you having a warlock boyfriend."

I feel like I've complained about this in season one already, but…I really hate that they're making Maryse the one who's not okay with Alec's sexuality, when Robert was clearly the one with an issue with it in the books.

But Alec has a plan to fight the homophobia/fantasy racism: have Magnus throw a party for Max's runing ceremony. That…is the worst idea, which Magnus realizes, but Alec insists until he changes his mind, which apparently is a recurring thing in their relationship now.

Maryse is expectedly displeased by this, and in one line she gets so much bigotry across I can only quote it.

"It's very kind of your friend to offer, but the runing ceremony is a solemn right of passage, for Shadowhunters. It's not some Downworlder rave. […] It's tradition."

Emphasis mine.

"If Dad were here, he'd understand."

Why did you feel the need to demonize Maryse even further than she was in the books? Ugh.

But Alec basically shames her into accepting by pointing out that their family is basically a mess anyway, complete with trying to have Jace killed on shaky, circumstantial evidence and all. So the party's on!

Before we get there, though, there's one last thing to get out of the way: Simon meets up with Clary, psyching himself up to tell her how he feels. And…he rambles on for a while, but he actually says it. And then Clary…kisses him, because her feelings for him have been so well established in the—okay I can't finish that sentence, this makes no fucking sense. Unless Clary's semi-jealous, semi-awkward look from last episode counts? Nah, it's still terrible execution.

So they're going to Max's runing ceremony party as a couple.

"So do you think anyone's gonna notice? That we're—" "Only one way to find out."

The party is as ridiculously over-the-top as you might expect from Magnus. Also Maia's the barista, because she's the one bartender character in the show, so I guess she's gotta be everywhere there's a bar now. She does semi-apologize to Jace for trying to kill him, since she now knows he didn't kill Gretel (which she knows…how?). Maia also points out Simon and Clary to Jace, who immediately goes to them to act like he's happy for them and obviously not be happy for them. Oh, also, Clary acts jealous because Simon talks to Maia?

Cut to Clary following Simon and Maia and see them kissing in a corner. Oh, the drama!

"Look, she kissed me. I didn't know what to do." "That's it? That's seriously all you have to say?"

So Simon randomly decides maybe them dating is a mistake because it could ruin their friendship, and he tells Clary she'll never understand what it's like to be a Downworlder. Needless to say, Clary isn't convinced.

But Magnus the fairy godwarlock is here to offer advice.

"That doesn't sound like Simon."

Doesn't it? He's the embodiment of the straight nonsense. But i'm sure it's something else.

Guess who's not at the party for most of the episode? Isabelle, who's looking for Raphael to bite her again because she doesn't want to show the symptoms of addiction to her mom. Because hey, this episode is busy vilifying one Lightwood woman, might as well throw Isabelle under the bus while we're at it.

"You can get through this. You're one of the strongest Shadowhunters I know." "No I'm not. Everyone thinks I am, but I'm not."

Not with these writers you're not.

Isabelle goes as far as to cut herself to force him to bite her. Can we end this subplot already? I'm annoyed.

Afterwards, Raphael tries to talk to her out of her addiction, and tells her he went through a similar issue with drinking human blood as a vampire, but Magnus helped him out of it. More romantic tension, and Isabelle finally joins the party, just in time to forgive Clary and talk to her about ~boys!~ Specifically Simon, of course. Except what Clary says makes Isabelle think she's suspicious of her, so that goes nowhere. Um…okay?

Speaking of going nowhere, Clary sees Simon hitting on Maia again…but when Magnus steps in and tells her to calm down and she looks again, turns out Maia isn't even there. So…she's hallucinating now. Oh, and said "hallucinations" lead her to snap at Alec for killing her mom, because Magnus figured out that something was wrong, but not wrong enough to keep an eye on her.

Meanwhile, Maryse arrives, Magnus tries to be nice and explain he gave the party a Spanish theme because Robert proposed to Maryse in Spain, which immediately backfires.

"How sweet that Alec feels comfortable sharing our personal family stories with you."

And the "Maryse is mean" nonsense continues with Max as the tools of her evil womanness, who consecutively acts rude to Magnus twice in a row, then says Jace isn't his brother or part of the family, and everyone arguing again. It's almost like forcing people who hate each other in a single place doesn't actually solve anything! What does, apparently, is emotional blackmail.

"If you ever want to make things right with me, you'd better make things right with Jace."

Good job, I'm sure that'll lead to a healthy, happy family.

Maryse goes after Jace…but instead of apologizing she keeps sniping at him. Literally, one might even say.

Yeah, she decided to kill him because of his demon blood now. What is it with this show and having every mom do that while everyone else is cool with it?

Jace knocks her out and gets Isabelle's help, and Magnus comes as well, because he spotted them or something. Turns out Jace is also hallucinating and Maryse didn't attack him at all!

So remember how Clary snapped at Alec? Well, turns out that was Alec hallucinating and now he's about to jump off the roof, and while Clary tries to talk him out of it he just keeps hearing more insults. Magnus saves him at the last moment with magic,

"Now you can see why I was worried about having a party at a warlock's house!"

Thanks, Maryse, that random act of bigotry (which i'm fairly sure isn't a hallucination) was totally necessary.

Anyway, Magnus, knowing that at least three people are experiencing hallucinations, decides to…leave everyone on the roof (now including Simon) and "be right back". What could go wrong!

Well…nothing, apparently. Magnus finds the counterspell, and everyone's fine and apologizing, but someone steals Magnus's spellbook. He figures that the cat we saw earlier was actually a warlock in disguise, and surprise, it's Iris. She freezes everyone but Magnus, they fight of a while, it's kind of unimpressive and consists mostly of hurling fireballs at each other until Magnus captures Iris. Turns out they have history, but I don't really care about that.

She tells him the truth about Valentine and Madzie, and she's already given him the book…somehow. Also, before Magnus sends her over to the Clave, she tells Clary to honor her blood oath by finding Madzie, so…guess we have another plot now.

Oh, also, Clary and Jace catch everyone up about Ithuriel, the demon in their vision, and Clary's powers. Magnus figures out why Clary has that connection with Ituriel, because the first Shadowhunters had a similar connection to Raziel by virtue of sharing his blood directly, which means Clary must have Ithuriel's blood. And since Clary has pure angel blood, she can also activate the Soul-Sword…I guess. Of course, that also includes Jace, but they don't know that yet. So you can expect a twist to happen there.

And that's enough of that scene, let's cut to Clary and Simon going home (home where? no idea), and Simon saying that the prospect of his possible impending doom by genocide made him realize he wanted to spend every moment with Clary. Which…you'd almost think he's proposing to her or something.

We also do get to Max's runing ceremony, by the way. I know you probably forgot about it, since no one else seemed to care beyond a reason to throw this party.

It also ends with Clary telling Alec she doesn't blame him for Jocelyn's death, and Maryse apologizing to Jace and telling her she does consider him her son. It's fairly sweet, really. Oh, and Maryse explains to Jace and Alec that while Robert and Maryse have been fighting, it's not because of Alec after all, it's because Robert is cheating on her. Which Alec guesses…somehow.

"You can't tell Isabelle."

Why not? That's jus ridiculous.

Alec offers Maryse to stay here with Max, but she can't, because she has to report to the Clave about Clary and the Sword situation, and…I don't know, they don't have emails in Idris, I guess.

We close the episode with Valentine acting nice to Madzie, which is actually genuinely creepy, and the less I see of this in the future, the happier I'll be.

This episode was…a lot more focused than the earlier episodes in the season, which is a thankful change. We still got a lot of PoV switches, but at least there was, you know, a central plot to the episode and not a million romantic subplots to the side. And I guess it did eventually try to make Maryse more sympathetic? Although it doesn't really redeem her open bigotry, so it's only a small victory. And Isabelle's addiction subplot combined with her speech to Raphael is downright insulting. So…it's a step up from most of the season so far, but we're not exactly in clear waters.