#he's mad at everyone but im the only one having a panic attack and im the only one he didn't yell at

[florida3exclamationpoints]

[guinevereslancelot]

is there any worse feeling than when you feel like someone is mad at you bc they literally are mad at you

[lucimaaie]

ellie as spiderwoman hcs ✧.* au

a/n- honestly was just an excuse for me to watch spiderman again and i took it, kind of switch between would’ve and did idk babes im just having fun atp

she'd have lost her mom at a young age and been placed with joel, who she never gets along with at first, thinking he's just a bil ol meanie who wanted an extra check every month.

that was until he showed he cared, not through hugs and affection in the traditional sense, but making sure she did her homework, picking her up everyday, getting her out of her room, checking on her when she'd been too quiet. "you okay, kiddo?" and "i heard talking helps." he'd say as he leaned on the door frame. eventually, she couldn't help but love him.

absolutely a nerd. though, when she got teased, she didn't exactly back down as expected which landed her in the detention a few times and some talking-to's. but she won and defended herself. no one could be mad at her for that. still, she was smart. she was going to be an astronaut after all. though that dream died in middle school.

high school came and she tried to straighten up. no more fighting bullies, even if they deserved it. she was better than that. she would get an internship, the internship that would line everything up, get her a scholarship so she could study aerospace engineering, get rich and get joel out of the old house on a patch of land with however many sheep he wanted. the same internship that got her bitten by a radioactive spider and shooting webs out her wrists.

words could not describe how much she worried joel when she woke up the day after, crushing her alarm clock, breaking the sink, the shower rack, everything. she skipped that day, hanging out on the rooftop of the house while joel was away stuck between having a panic attack from the sensory overload and telling someone, anyone. she decided on testing them out which earned her quite a few bruises joel luckily chalked up to another fight. "we gotta talk about this fighting thing sometime." she'd roll her eyes, saying something snarky before limping up the stairs. "say what you want but i win," "i heard that!"

also sidebar: ellie as a new yorker...whew. honestly ellie as anything- anyway.

hours or research ensue on cross-species genetics, spiderbites, different types of spiders, everything that made her feel disgusting. she slammed her laptop closed, crushing the poor thing.

it felt like there were a million things to do with her newfound powers but the only two on her mind was impress dina and swing from the rooftops. c’mon, she was 16 with the powers of a freaking spider. who said saving people would the first thing on her mind? she felt powerful, even weirder than she already felt but still powerful.

it was terrible, watching joel get more and more disappointed in her as she got distracted. “i’m a good kid! i just got distracted, gimmie a break.” “i have given you plenty. more than i should’ve. and that’s on me. that's my mistake to make you think that coming home late and fighting and blowing me off is okay.”

“i can't help how i turned out! don't blame me for being a shitty dad.” she yelled before slamming the door and stalking off into who knows where. she didn't even mean it, she was just stressed, she never meant any of it. hours later, she’d wish those words never came out her mouth.

she'd hoped she was having some cruel nightmare when she saw joel laid out on the pavement. "some help me! c-call an ambulance. don't just fucking stand there-" her voice was raw as she screamed out. "c'mon, don't die on me. y-you can't. i'm sorry? is that what you wanna hear? i'm sorry."

she hated the looks of pity, everyone's soft voices. people who never once talked to her suddenly caring. it was all fake. they didn't know her and they sure and hell didn't know joel.

she became another person for a while. quieter, more closed off. sometimes snappy. laser focused on finding the low-life took joel from her. that's when she started wearing the mask. the basic concept of it anyway and it caught on with the people, more than she imagined. ellie scoffed at the name spider-woman at first, thinking it was ridiculous. she wasn't some circus performer, she was just trying to find the killer.

dina as her mj, reaching out to her after joel’s death, inviting her over for dinner, talking to her in class, all of it. it wasn’t the same disingenuous pity she hated, she could feel she cared. so she allowed her feelings to fester. being with her actually helped. it was one more thing to balance with school and the internship and her mission, but it was more person in her life. she needed that.

one day ellie went running towards the trouble. not because joel's killer was there or cause of some adrenaline rush, but because she needed to do something. to not be helpless for once. she wasn't helpless. she hadn't felt completely in control of her body as she webbed a whole bridge back together and pulled cars back onto the surface, but in the end it was a like a high. it still ached to see kids running to their parents and everyone running to their families, but they were all safe. she did that. and that felt better than getting revenge and letting it suck the life out of her. so she'd wear the spandex and the mask and go by the stupid name. only cause it meant something now.

thank you for reading!

[geodraws04]

PKMN ScarVio DLC AU ~ Possessed!Kieran

Just finished the page for my contribution to the good ol’ Toxic Chain theory :OOO

I recently finished the Teal Mask and finishing up the Indigo Disk DLC and while i really did like the fact that Kieran’s actions were all his own and makes him a much more realistic/relatable character, I am feeling a little robbed we didn't get a possessed!kieran + i really did not like the direction they took w/ Mochi Mayhem. I felt like it was WAAAY too silly/comedic for my tastes (if you liked it more power to you tho!), and wish we had more lore/backstory and involvement of Pecharunt and the Loyal 3 respectivally.

so i wanted to try killing two birds with one stone and try to mash ID and MM together somewhat! So heres some sketches and concept stuff ft. My PKMN!Violet sona. And also make this AU ANGSTY AS FUCK-

im not a comedy/crack/silly person when it comes to stories involving manipulation/mind control type of stuff because i just get second hand embarressment for those under doing wierd stuff while not aware so if your looking for a “silly haha!” AU with this type of concept ive got bad news for ya… this AU aint gonna be for you-

Starting off… my design for when Kieran is fully possessed by Pecharunt!

I still really liked the fact that Kieran was like. FULLY aware and in his own mind/body during ID; so i want to keep that in this AU too - for the most part.

id like to think that once making a deal with Pecharunt and offering himself to it in order to become stronger, the little peach would slowly feed him mochi that would “numb the pain and guilt if he ever feels doubtful.” At the time of Pecharunt’s debut to the start of ID, pecharunt is extremely weak and thus, its influence isnt as effective or strong. However, when we meet Kieran again, he’s definately beginning to change. throughout the story, we see Kieran’s spiraling descent into madness as he becomes more intimidating and cynical.

i dont have a specific spot where hed have this outfit change, but ill figure it out lol.

However, i def think it would be a bit after his panic attack/mental break down when we defeat him. Since at this point he couldnt uphold his end of the deal with Pecharunt, it has no choice: he offered his body and mind to it to get stronger, but he couldnt keep it up. So now, he has to pay the price.

(This would be right after the Ex-Champ bit - fuck you Draydon)

however, instead of telling himself to get stronger like in canon… he mumbles something indescernable and unintelligable… and then he starts… laughing?

“K-Kieran…?”

“Uh… yo, earth to ex-champion… you doin’ alright-?”

Suddenly… he glares at us… no. He glares at you, tears streaming down his face but an animalistic and crazily wide smile is plastered on his face as he stumbles back up, hugging himself while letting out what one would think is the most maniacal, despairing, crazy cackling laughter one could hear.

That's when you see it - his eyes, formally a light yellow, now a bright yet darkly sinister shade of violet-magenta. The scrunchie he was wearing began growing two strings of toxic chains that waved around like tentacles, and lifted him up in the air like stilts, purple smoke filling the area.

what was happening… whats happened to Kieran.

no, whatever that was…

Thats not Kieran.

The bottom sketch is a small scenario i had in mind!

i want pecharunt to have a larger role so here they are! After returning the teal mask to me and carmine and running off, he stumbles upon an injured and weak Pecharunt, and secretly nurses it back to health. Behind everyone’s backs the two spark a friendship/partnership!

i like to think pecharunt has good intentions and did genuinely want to help kieran get stronger, but i like to think that the toxins it gave to Kieran not only began to mess with Kieran’s mind, but with Pecharunt’s too.

how exactly? No idea just yet lol- ill figure that out later on down the line lol. Along with the loyal 3’s roles in the story as well.

Heres a few for fun and more funny sketches i made to fill up the empty space lol-

also feat. Moi, yuma and shinigami jykghhfjhfdjhygjuy-

QUICK DISCLAIMER! IM NOT SHIPPING MYSELF W/ KIERAN SINCE HES IMPLIED TO BE A TEEN AND IM A LEGAL ADULT!! the DLC came out when i was 17; almost 18 (released a few days before my bday actually!)

i like to think that when this story and AU respectively take place, Kieran is 14 while im 16 turning 17 that fall in Teal Mask (Carmine being 18 or 19?), then in Indigo Disc Kieran is 16, im 18, and Carmine is 19/20. So me and kieran are 2 years apart, while me and Carmine are 1-2 years apart.

Its mostly because id like to think me and kieran’s dynamic is similar to a close friend i have irl and wanted to write it as such while retaining the canon story too. If that makes sense lol.

And one more sady drawing when kieran is freed from Pecharunt’s control!

i think i speak for everyone that we needed a scene where we hugged kieran after all the shit he’s been through-

justice for my baby boy kieran. :,,,))

AAAAAAANNNNNNDDDDD THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW!!

what do yall think :000

any suggestions/ideas, critiques, whatever is on your mind about this AU is appreciated!! Im gonna get back to my remnant designs lol-

[knightobreath]

oliver's epic ii2 movie act 1 trailer analysis

ok so ! theres a lot. im going through it scene by scene

steve cobs KEEPS calling mephone. what the hell is his plan here. i would say mephone should just block his ass but i have a feeling that he is unable to. I predict that he's gonna have to answer at some point.

(also, i went and checked, but the sound that played is the same as the hang up sound from ep15)

also hotel oj party yayyy everyone gets to hang out and have some fun before everything goes to Shit!

this shot's just fucked up man. i don't think i need to explain what this parallels.

this is either a realization or someone walking in, and i think it's the latter because there's little build up. I cannot tell who it would be based on his reaction only, but it Would be someone in the hotel.

OR. what if it's another hallucination like with 4s in the iii finale? That would explain why there's no light from a door opening.

baseball was already upset before seeing taco & mepad

his reaction BARELY CHANGED when he did see them (the eyebag line showed up after he looked through the door)

mepad is comforting taco, who is likely worked up about you know. talking to pickle and mic

man i actually like the bullets format im going with this from now on

mic is happy! I don't have any predictions for the context of this scene

we're getting stuff on knife and trophy!

can't really extrapolate from this scene, hard to tell if trophy was throwing the can there on purpose or not.

test tube, fan, and paintbrush are going to play a very active role in the episode

As pointed out here, they're in the area that Paintbrush burned down in episode 12.

This area has a direct tie to Cobs with the painting, it's possible that they're trying to stop him on their own.

The device test tube is holding is a reused asset, and was both the time machine from episode 12 and the gem detecting device from episode 13. due to this reuse of the asset, we can't know for sure what it does here.

My prediction is that the device is being used to detect something meeple-related.

I'll note here that mephone is only shown inside of the hotel for the duration of the trailer, I believe that he might be hiding in there for most of this act while the contestants go out and actually try to fix things.

NOW THIS IS INTERESTING. Knife and suitcase are traveling in the Grand Slams balloon from Theft and Battery.

Since it's only the two finalists, this could be a part of the final challenge.

Hot air balloons in ii have only been used twice. once in theft and battery to get to mecloud, and once in the great bluish bake-off to get to the end of the desert.

I predict that because of cobs's importance to the plot of this episode that this balloon is going to mecloud, although I'm not entirely sold on the idea.

I predict that this goes before the scene where they're outside of the hotel.

tt and pb have an idea! and they're confident in it.

Judging by paper's expression, this was brought on by something Not Good Happening.

blah blah somehow i connect this to meeple shenanigans okay moving on

simple! suitcase and knife entering the hotel

hi lightbulb

Cobs is PERSISTENT. voiceover backs this up

He must call mephone a lot during the episode

Mephone is clearly running off so people don't see him constantly receiving these calls. i bet hes having a complete crisis over it. panic attack

I predict that as the justification because hotel OJ seems to be a relatively safe space. Theres a total horror to it, a looming danger only one person can really see. He's being hunted down in the middle of a party.

I predict that Cobs's presence in this episode is mostly through this looming horror.

Then there's the flashback of episode 15 with mepad being mad at mephone, voiceover is mephone asking mepad for help, and i'll take a break from dissecting visuals for a sec

MEPHONE: We can't escape him this time! MEPHONE: You have to help. MEPAD: We no longer work together. MEPHONE: Then, don't do it for me.

The voice lines may be put together from other parts of the episode

ehehe i get to talk about mepad. Okay

Mepad not working with mephone extends beyond the show. He actually just doesnt want anything to do with him anymore. oh my god

listen. i would write a whole essay about mepad and mephone rn But i have more scenes to get through.

mephone being the one guy that mepad refuses to help anymore is sending me Dude you fucked this up bad. you ruined your relationship with the one guy whos willing to help literally anyone. but it also shows how out of depth he was coming back from iii because his previous development is not helping him with his mental health this fucked

the "don't do it for me" is said over a scene showing all of the hotel oj guests implying that mepad should do it for everyone else. while this is definitely true i think mepad should also just do it for himself. please. please have mepad start doing things for himselffffffffff PLEASE

I'll touch on this more as i go through the visuals

taco knocking on pickle's door. it's happening chat

and i think he saw her

judging by the eye height though? I'm not actually sure. Taco isn't that tall, so either he sees Mepad or someone/thing else. Most likely has to do with taco though.

off topic but does oj seriously decorate his hotel's walls with images of cups and oranges. someone get this guy an interior decorator PLEASE

Don't have much to say here. not much is happening and there doesn't seem to be any implications with this bit.

whys paper so mad at those hats

off they go!

i bet these two will be running around in the background of everything a lot.

likely not using mepad's teleportation because it's flashy and noisy, which doesnt work well for stealth.

everyone's here! except for nickel, who doesnt show up at all in this trailer. don't know what to say about that.

salt also isnt in this particular shot, but she was at the party in another shot earlier.

Oh and mephone. He's probably stepping outside to take a call hehehehehehehehehehehe

pickle also isn't here, but i expect he's either avoiding the party for some reason or preoccupied with a certain sideplot. Or both.

ANIMATION ERROR SPOTTED!!!! BOMB IS ON A LAYER BELOW TROPHY!!!!!

everyone seems to be having such a nice time enjoying themselves! it would be a shame if something horrible were to happen and several characters were to permadie

*cough*but of course that wouldnt happen. Um

the final shot of the trailer is mepad

i love mepad

i hope he doesnt die

this means hes gonna have another big role in an episode...

it seems a lot of the plot is gonna hinge on the decisions made by mepad. specifically if he's gonna help mephone or not

okay I'm tired. i may add more later. WAIT my final thoughts,

BIG PREDICTION: Mephone will try to hide the cobs calls at the party but will get found out. When he's found out various characters (including tt pb and fan as shown earlier) will try to help in some way. This is act 1, so a lot of stuff will be set up but there wont be any big deliveries.

Mepad will play another big role.

Taco WILL talk to pickle.

Any big deaths, especially permadeaths, will either happen right at the end of this act or in a later act altogether.

more toilet. please animaitonepic Please show us toilet again. i have hope since we saw the ep12 challenge area.

this party is not ending well.

i need to rewatch season 1 i barely remember it

[hellhammersbignaturals]

mayhem + some others if they did martial arts headcannons i came up with instead of paying attention in class that also only make sense to me

Euroman would be a fucking GOD at forms. LOOK at this guy's horse stance. I don't even be hitting it like that damn

would be super nit-picky about the smallest shit. he would be like "your form was perfect, but your hands are just a few inches below where they're supposed to be ://////"

probably gets his ass beat by Varg every time they spar

tries to teach forms but ends up showing off without actually explaining anything

pelle would be one of those people that never wanted to take karate in the first place, hated going to class, and tried to quit but his parents wouldn't let him so now that he's in a high rank he'd feel bad quitting even though he still doesn't like doing it

gets mad at himself for not getting any better but never practices

probably cried or had a panic attack in the middle of class but the instructors kept yelling at him

im literally just projecting at this point

especially the last one

absolutely majestic cartwheels though

Varg would be a fucking MENACE at sparing. control? never heard of her. you would tell him to go easy, like level 2, and he would fight like his life depended on it.

has severely injured at least 3 people

bro is NOT fighting "might for right"

would go leave a literal child in tears and then be like "he should've kept his hands up" as if he didn't just go ape shit on 4'11 green belt

absolute menace but in an talkative way

instructors hate his ass because he won't shut up

only cares about class if it's a team game

grappling with him would be SO awkward. he's say some freaky ass shit about the forms he'd be like "rear naked choke? ayooooo 🤨😳"

necrobutcher would probably act like he's an expert outside of class but then half ass everything (calling myself out 💀)

he'd be kind of a smart ass about sparring and give people tips that he doesn't follow himself

he would be super extra with forms- like the most dramatic stances ever and not even realize he's doing the wrong side

Varg's sparring bestie (everyone else is scared of fighting both of them)

has also made people cry

he would fight like he's got fucking demons he needs to let out

total show off with kicks

insane at accuracy

maniac would obv be one of those people that quit for a few years and then came back out of no where having completely forgotten everything

quit but everyone remembers him as a legend

every now and then someone would be like "ya'll remember kjetil"

Edit: also varg is the only one that ties his hair up, everyone else just lets their hair get in the way 💀 he puts it in braids before class and pelle sometimes ties it up but most of the time he forgets

[markosbabymama]

okay so i’m not just saying this cause ur username is dal BUT u would be adorable with dally !

definition of sunshine and storm cloud🤭

definitely that “i hate everyone but u” typa relationship

.

he loves ur eyes so much oh my godhshs

obvi he ain’t gonna show it cause it’s dally but he’ll randomly catch himself staring at you’re eyes 🥲

“what are you looking at dal?”

“nothin man. i was looking at the sky.”

“i think you were looking at my eyes.” *smiling*

“nah man i wasn’t. don’t flatter yourself.”

LMAOO

.

i feel like dally does like to play with hair.

like he’s not gonna do it on the couch at the curtis’ BUT when it’s just y’all and ur laying on his chest he’ll DEF run his hands through ur hair and probably make u fall asleep

“and then this motherfu- y/n? are you up?”

*y/n softly snoring*

*chuckles* “coulda’ told me if you was gettin’ board doll.

*kisses your head and plays with ur hair.*

UGHHH !!

.

admires ur freckles

he’s loves em but will definitely tease u sometimes 😭

*u and dal walking out of the dingo*

“y’know your freckles look like oatmeal.”

*u turn to him giggling a bit *

“what? my freckles look like oatmeal?”

“yeah, they do, they look like oatmeal with cinnamon on em’ man.” *chuckling a bit*

“oh my goodness, only you can come up with something like that dallas.”

“it’s cute. don’t let your head spin over it doll.”

*blushes* “youre crazy.”

and from there on out, his nickname for u is oatmeal.

like let’s say u walk into the curtis house and dallys there

*y/n walking to the couch where dally is*

*u plop down next to dally* “hi dal!”

“hey oatmeal.” *wraps his arm around ur shoulder.*

.

ohhh my goddddd the teasing never stops about ur height.

and dallas is like 6’0 so the height difference is THERE.

“hey short stack”

*u roll ur eyes* so creative dally, your a bean stalk how about that.

*chuckles* “you’re cute.”

“whatever.”

rests his arm at the top of ur head to get u mad LMAOO

he loves that ur short tho, thinks it’s the cutest

.

honestly dally never cared that you were shy.

he tried EVERYTHING to get you out of ur shell when u first joined the gang

you and johnny were friends before joining the gang so he brang you over one day and you were like 😳

and he thought u were so cute 🥹

y know what dally is i don’t have to say.

constantly teasing and flirting

*sitting down on the couch with u* “hey doll, how ya’ doing today?”

*y/n just looking down at her lap* *im good.”

*smiling* “okay, alright good.”

was literally so happy when u finally talked to him that day

definitely rambled on to johnny abt it

.

he usually doesn’t know how to deal with anxiety attacks and stuff but when u have them he really does try his best

*y/n having a panic attack* “hey, hey what’s the matter, you okay? just breath doll everything’s gonna be alright, okay? look at me, breath. there ya’ go, that’s it. calm down i got ya’.”

he’s always by your side no matter where you are

he wants to make sure his girl is safe 😢

always holding your hand or waist to make sure you’re alright 🩷🩷

.

he also has no experience with adhd but again, he tries his best to make sure you’re not too hyper and burn yourself out.

*y/n bouncing off the walls with energy*

“hey, you need to sit down ok? just relax, i’ll get you something to drink alright? why don’t we watch a movie or somethin’, sound good?”

“okay! that sounds great!”

honestly loves when u hyper fixate, he loves hearing u talk about whatever it is that ur interested in that week.

he definitely goes out and steals whatever u have on ur mind

and u scold him for it ofc.

“dallas, how many times do i have to tell you to stop that! i understand you want to do something nice for me, but i don’t want you stealing!”

“it’s fine oatmeal, it’s a stuffed animal. no one’s gonna miss a teddy bear.”

.

teases u cause u read but secretly loves when u read to him lol

“doll, why do you read those?”

“because it’s fun dallas.”

“sounds pretty boring to me, just a bunch of words on some paper.”

“you think it’s boring casue you can’t read the words on the paper dallas.”

“you getting smart with me oatmeal?”

“maybe.” *smiling*

“you’re lucky i like you, cause anyone else woulda had their teeth knocked out.”

“oh i know dal.”

.

dally doesn’t mind that your love language is touch, it took some getting used to but after a while he learned to appreciate it.

*y/n hugging him*

“why you doin’ that?”

“because i love you.”

his favorite thing to do in the world is stand behind u with his hands on ur waist

HE LOVES IT

it lets him know that you’re safe and that no one can hurt u🤭

it’s hard for him to say things like “i love you” and “i’m so proud of you” because of his childhood:/

but when he tells you he loves u for the first time the tears are pouring.

“i love you doll, i don’t say it ever, but i’m glad you came into my life.”

*y/n crying tears of joy* “i love you more dallas.”

.

A/N: oh my god i’m being so active today lolz! i hope u enjoy dally sorry it took so long ily!! 🫶🏻

[fadedmunson]

abc fluffy alphabets with spider-noir?? :]

hi! so im only gonna do like 6 letters to get the hang of things since this is my first time doing something like this

please let me know if you want more tho 💓

abc's with spider-noir!

A — activites, how do they spend time with their loved one?

to be honest, i think spider-noir isn't opposed to late night diner dates. i feel like that's something he'd really be into. if he got an egg cream or milkshake he would put two straws in for the both of you

AND MATINEES OMG!! he would do the really cheesy yawn and lay his arm around your shoulder and everythingggg, im meltinggg

B — beauty, what do they admire about their dearly beloved?

i feel like with noir he would really enjoy someone with beauty and brawn. someone who definitely isn't afraid to speak their mind. he admires the way you carry yourself when you speak.

C — comfort, how would they comfort their loved one when they're upset or having a panic attack

if you're upset about something, he'll definitely take you on a walk outside. i have a feeling he might sit you down with him to throw rocks in ponds (?) idk but that feels like him. he'll maybe think that having you let off steam would help in some way with whatever it is.

if it's a panic attack, im mostly certain that he would stick with you through the good, the bad, and the ugly (heh) if you didn't want him to see you cry, he would let you use his hat while he just pets your thigh and help you steady your breathing. the way he would press little kisses all over you once you've relaxed more im sobbing

D — dreams, how do they picture their future together?

he'll definitely want to settle down with you at some point in life. if you're up for it completely, i see maybe one or two kids and a dog, definitely.

he'd wanna live ideally anywhere you dreamt of, he'll follow you into the depths of the underworld im sure of it

if you're a painter or artist, he would definitely ask for tons of colorful paintings.

also would decorate the house with flowers he bought you, of course

he would definitely slow dance with you in the living room of your new house just because he loves you so much and wants to admire your beauty up-close :((

E — equal, are they someone dominant or more passive in the relationship?

noir is most definitely a more dominant lover in a relationship. i feel like thats a bad way of putting it though 😭 all i think is that he would definitely want to be the one spoiling you rotten and just looking after you

his protectiveness for those he loves is insanely strong, he would do absolutely anything for you if you asked

F — fighting, would they forgive their loved one easily?

i have a belief that noir doesn't get in dumb fights. i don't think he would get into stupid arguments with you. he knows when to shut up and let you speak as well. he'll definitely be one of those guys who cares and respects you too much to be mad at you for so long anyways.

if it's something you did that upset him, im sure he'll take a minute to think about how he wants to word it then ask you to talk for a sec

you, being the amazing person you are, listen to him and let each other know how you're feeling, yay everyone's happy & in luvvvv :D

[natriae]

WEDDING REVENGE. MIYA ATSUMU

timeskip! Miya Atsumu x Fem! Reader

a/n: This is extremely self indulging with some stuff i've been dealing with lately and i just want comfort

C/W: MINORS DNI, VERY VERY HEAVY, mentions of sh (not in detail) , suicidal thoughts, panic attack, sexualish content, reader is from a country that doesn't speak japanese

You're not mad at Miya Atsumu. You're disappointed that's for sure. Now you have to get on the plane by yourself and try not to break down at this wedding all alone. Always alone, huh. They were right you will always be alone.

You left that place to prove yourself. Prove to them that you could survive the harsh world alone. You would grow and you didn't need them. You left them because it was good for you. But now you're going back. You wanted to come back stronger, and more successful then any of them.

You were successful that's for sure. You had your dream job. Athletic trainer for MSBY in osaka, Japan. You chased your dream and you didn't stop till you made it, but you were alone. You left "home" for a place thousands of miles away right after college. You only knew enough Japanese to get around, but you were determined to learn and live there, but now you are going back. Yes, it was just for a few days but you wished you never had too.

The memories held there were to much to bear. The people you will see, the voices you will hear, and the scents. Not only will you be battling the trauma you experienced but you will have to experience all of the people that were apart of it first hand.

please dont talk to me. please don't notice im there now that im alone.

Atsumu was kind. When he over heard you were going to a wedding ( you never actually said if you were going or not) he had asked if you were going alone. He could see your hesitancy. You repeated once again that you weren't sure if you were going, but if you were you would be alone. "i'll go with ya" He had said with a smile. You never got to say no, but you found comfort in his response. Glad he would be there with you. You wouldn't be alone anymore.

You bought the plane tickets and he sent you money for his. You felt happy that he was gonna go with you. You felt more secure knowing that he was gonna be with you. Someone who was like you. From the few times you guys hung out he accepted you for you. He listened to your interests and never made you feel invisible.

Now it felt like the times you would go home to an empty apartment. That didn't change till recently when every weekend Atsumu would come knocking at your door just to walk in and spend several hours on your couch bothering you.

-----------------------------‐--------------------

The actual service was over and now it was the reception. You saw them. The ones that hurt you. They were still together and they still seemed happy. They had each other. You on the other hand still felt out of touch. Like you weren't welcome here or accepted here.

Walking in to the reception their words from highschool were eating at you. It took so many years to get better. So many years spent grieving. So many years spent telling yourself that you were worth being alive. So many god damn years spent being comfortable by yourself and now all of it came crashing down.

They never had to feel the pain you did and it wasn't fair. Why didn't you just do it all those years ago. The pain would have ended. They would have understood how much pain they caused you. The confidence was gone. You felt like the same weak 16 year old. Nothing has changed.

Little did you know a 6'1 asshole with a slightly better blonde dye job was walking through the door to the resception asking everyone he incountered, in broken (your native language) if they had seen you. Thank god he knew who not to talk too.

One time after work he took you to Onigiri Miya and spent the whole night trying to break you to get you to tell him about your past. Not once did he look away from you as you spoke. It honestly was probably the longest Miya Atsumu has been quiet.

Once he saw you his signature grin appeared on his face and he lifted his hand up in the air and began to wave at you. You couldn't help but smile watching him. He was always so confident. Out of the corner of your eye you could see them watching. They had made a face. They must have been confused to see you with a friend let alone one they have never seen before. He ran over to your table and said "surprise!...are ya okay?". He genuinely seemed worried. That was new. Normally people don't care what you feel. Normally they try and steer the conversation away or not even look at you. Yet once again Miya Atsumu was watching you. Really watching you. "if yer not okay we can get outta 'ere"

"i'm okay. I promise," You faked a smile at him.

"okay stop sittin and lets dance," His grin appeared on his face again and he grabbed your hand. Somehow he walked to the dance floor like he's been here all night. Like he knew everyone here and was ready to have a good time.

What they say about him was true. He knew exactly how to stop time and make you feel like the most important person in the world. It was so god damn hard. How easily he was able to breakdown your walls, and have you fall into his arms at any given moment. The last thing you wanted was for all of this to be a joke. For him to just to be pretending so you give him attention and then leave you and have you question if you ever really knew him. Because you thought you knew a lot of people, but all of them hurt you and left.

"hey, the people behind me right now. They're the ones that hurt you right," He lightly moved his head back while still dancing to the music.

"yeah," you sighed out in response not exactly wanting to talk about them after trying to ignore them all night.

"i fuckin' hate her smug face back there. I saw it when I walked in 'an i knew that it was 'er." he said like she directly offended him. You let out a little giggle at that lookin at the ground. A little quieter and a little closer to you he lifted up your head with his fingers and told you "thats why i made such a scene when i came in. I wanted her and all of 'em to see that you have such a tall, sexy, muscular man on your side," He smirked at that and you couldn't help but let out a bigger laugh at that. Throwing you head back and immediately putting it back into place and covering your mouth. It's been a while since someone has made you felt this comfortable. He laughed at your wide eyes and shocked face holding his stomach. If people weren't looking at you guys before they definitely were now. You grabbed his arms and told him to shush while still giggling over the situation. Because he kept moving the two of you in circles when you looked up you made directed eye contact with her.

Your laughing stopped and your smile dropped just like you heart. All the memories came flooding back. The nights filled with with pain in more then one way. Filled with so many questions questions of why? And the fact that they just kept coming back to torture you more. They found every way to remind you that they were doing fine with out you. That they had no remorse for the pain they caused you. That they would always side with her no matter the amount of proof you had.

You didn't even realize his laughter had died down and he was now looking at you like he was trying to finish a puzzle, but that very last piece couldn't be found. "hey. Hey look at me. Let's go outside, yeah," he jerked his head towards the door and began to move your body towards them. He kept looking towards the door and back to you.

Once outside he sat you down at a bench and kept his hand on yours that was resting on your thigh and thats when you felt it. The heavy feeling on your chest and the racing thoughts. Thoughts about the fact that they are all talking about you. That you are still weak running away from your problems. Your stuck in the constant loop. She still had so much power over you. That if you just learned to keep your mouth shut none of this would have happened. Before you realized it was hard to breath, see, and even to hear. It's been a long time since you've had an attack like this. And it's so so embarrassing. You could hear small 'hey's said and his hands never left your body. He held them on your shoulders to keep you rooted to you seat. You could see him in your line of sight but everything was blurry. Like he was a ghost you made up to comfort you. He couldn't really be here. You didn't snap back into reality till you heard his calm voice tell you to breathe and him lifting you up to place you on his lap. He took of his suit jacket and placed it so it covered both of your faces. It layed on both of your heads and probably looked really stupid, but that didn't matter. All you could see was him.

"breathe with me," is what you heard him say. He exaggeratly breathed in and began to count. He did the same to breathe out. It was hard and you were doing those stupid little inhale hiccups trying to catch your breath. "ya are safe with me, okay." He held you close to him and held you tight. This is all you've ever wanted. He stayed and held you through it.

He didn't take his jacket off your heads still you stopped crying. A few tears would slip here and there but he was quick to wipe them. "when your ready were gonna go back there an kick some ass," you let out a little giggle at that again. He really knew you. He knew exactly what to do to brighten your day.

Before you could look over he watch the group of them leave the building. They were definitely looking for you because they were obsessed. That's all he could think. He thought they were sad human beings that had nothing better to then tear others down because they didn't feel good about themselves. You looked up at him and behind him you could see them looking around. Once they spotted you they began to converse with one another like they weren't searching for you.

Then the fire started in your gut. You could feeling nothing more then the years worth on anger bubbling inside you. You got up and began walking over there. You knew that Atsumu would hold you back when he needed to but right now he was to excited to see the drama unfold.

Before you knew it your fist collided with her nose. She fell back and then rest of them grabbed her and began asking if she was okay and calling you names. "alright little one it's time for you to go back to you hotel," Atsumu said as he rushed over to where you stood. He's never seen you this angry, and he knew that if he didn't stop you now it would end really badly. He asked you where your rental car was and took you back to it so you guys could leave the party.

You guys sat in your car in a comfortable silence as the sun went down and your tears slowly came to an end. "God knows how long i've waited to do that," you giggled. You felt crazy, but so much more free. Surpised that Atsumu didn't say anything you looked over.

He was just watching you. Love stuck puppy eyes on his face. You began to worry. He looked as though he was think a lot, and that was never a good sign. You felt stronger about yourself at this moment so you took the leap and decided to ask him what was up. "what are ya thinkin about," .

It took him so time to spit it out like he was worried you would punch him in the face too. "that was just- that was really hot,". Not in a million years did you imagine the Miya Atsumu would be calling you hot. He still looked at you like you put the stars in the sky but all you did was punch a girl from high school. "i-i've liked you for some time now, and i know that I sound stupid and you probably aren't ready for a relationship but god," he let got a breath that was similar to a giggle. He threw his head back and said "god what have ya done to me," He let out a longer laugh at that. After taking a deep breath in he looked directly into you eyes. "god i wanna kiss ya so badly. I wanna kiss you till all ya can think about is me" He said all while shaking his head slowly like he was fighting the words in his head.

"do it," is all you could say quietly with a breathy air to it. You kept looking between his eyes and his mouth. This was all so much but he just knew you. He knew what could get you to fall into him, and some how he knew your boundries.

He slammed his lips into yours and kissed you like he would never be able to again. If this is what Heaven is like you want to bask in its sunlight till you fry up and can't move. He leaned so far over the console just to chase your lips, and it seems as though he was holding himself back from crawling right over it and directly into you seat. You pushed him back a bit and got up on your knees. This time you were reaching over the console just to chase the lips you had to tell be quiet all the time. With the amount of filthy words that left his mouth all the time his lips were surpisingly sweet. He knew exactly when to bite, kiss, and lick. Could there possible be anything he wasn't good at. You felt his lips curve up into their signature smirk as you kissed and it made it all the hotter. Your sure the windows were fogged up at this point and it was so hard to not climb onto his lap and start unzipping your dress and unbutton his white button up.

He was right just from a kiss all you could think about was him. You wanted to see his abs in all their glory. You wanted to see his V-line more then just the teasing you saw when he stretched. You wanted to see where it lead and the rest of his happy trail. You wanted to see his thighs and bite and suck on them till he couldn't hide the hickeys. You wanted to hold on to his muscular back. Leaving long sratches down it so that ever time he moved he would remember the night you guys had together.

Once again it was hard to breathe, but this loss of breath felt much better. "please come stay at my hotel room" you asked. You hadn't realized the face you were making to him. Pupils blown out and lips swollen with need. You needed him, and he would never deny you of that.

"yes yes of course i will," At that you moved back to sitting in your seat and put your seatbelt on. Taking a deep breath you began to reverse out of the parking spot. Wow, today was eventful.

i wanna make a part 2 but ive never written smut before so its probably gonna be bad :,(

[angelst4re]

Hii its me (again) with a Caius request (pls tell me if im getting annoying with then i just love this Vampire sm) but i was gonna ask if you can do a angst then fluff? Again the reader is bellas sis, and it takes place in breaking dawn part 2 when they go to convince the volturi that renesmee isnt a vampire. The reader has been with Caius since new moon but she went to visit bella after she heard she was ‘sick’ and Caius gets m a d when he sees shes on bellas side. When a fight starts (but none of the volturi die like in alices vision) a wolf thinks the reqder is a vampire and attacks her. She has like no chance shes gonna survive so Caius turns her into a vampire and takes her back to Volterra and its all fluffy najsjsjsn omgs please tell me if thats too much i apologizee i have too much ideas😭 againnn i adore your work sm and youre one of the best Jamie writers i have readd❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

hi my love!!! ahh noo it's never annoying, i love getting requests :) (although right now i have 120+ which is mad! but it's always open for more!) but i loved this one so much and i'm thinking of possibly writing a part 2!! <3

Gods & Monsters- Caius Volturi x Reader

summary: in the request :)

warnings: none?

notes: i wrote this over three days so if there are any little plot holes or if something doesn't make sense then i'm sorry! it hasn't been proof read </3

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You had been with the vampire for an entire year now, and he still would deny changing you. You had tried reasoning with him, telling him it meant that you could live together forever, but he still insisted on you staying alive, keeping your soul. You already made certain commitments, such as living with him and even moving to Italy, but it seemed like it wasn’t enough. 

When you heard the news that your little sister was sick, you insisted that he took you to her, but he would not. It ended in an argument between the two of you, and you left that night, taking all your belongings with you. You told him you might return one day, you just needed some time alone and to take care of your sister, and if he were to follow you then you would never come back. 

When you got to the Cullen’s home, you were too afraid to look at Bella. You had never seen her so unwell, and even Jacob told you that he didn’t think she would make it. You would lie down beside her on the sofa, holding her cold body in your arms, and you wondered whether there was anything Caius could do to help- but you already knew what he thought about your sister and her husband. 

That night, Bella told you that she was pregnant, and that’s what was causing her to feel so sick. You reassured her that she’ll be okay, but everyone was worrying that she wouldn’t make it through the birth, even Edward had his doubts. Carlisle said she would go into labour in the next few days, and you worried that it meant she only had a few more days to live. 

In a panic, you left that night to return to Volterra, to return to Caius. You knew he wouldn’t show you any sympathy, afterall, he despised your sister, but he welcomed you back with open arms, letting you cry into his chest. 

For days, you had tried not to think about it. You had distracted yourself with books from Caius’s library, and had gotten through three in one day. However, your mind would eventually go elsewhere as you read, and you would worry about Bella again. Caius insisted you spoke to him about it, he could tell something was really upsetting you, but you didn’t dare to say a word about it. You knew his response would be something along the lines of ‘she’s done it to herself, she could have prevented it’ and although it did seem to be the truth, you weren’t ready to face it just yet. 

To your surprise, you woke up one night and Caius wasn’t in the room with you. He would never leave you alone, especially at night, so there was either two reasons for this:

One, being that he had something important and urgent to attend to.

Two, something bad has happened to him.

You hoped for the first one, and so you slipped out of the covers and wrapped your fluffy red robe around you, before leaving your room. You could hear talking, but you couldn’t quite tell where it was coming from. 

“The Cullen’s, they have done something terrible.”

You creeped closer to the heavy metal doors, where you assumed the voices were coming from, but it was almost impossible to hear what they were saying. However, you worried they would hear you, or sense that you were there, so you fled back to your room and waited for Caius to return. 

When he finally returned, you instantly started to question him. You knew he had set rules, and one of them was to not listen in to any conversations that would happen in that room, but you didn’t care about that right now, you only cared about your sister. 

“What’s happened? Is Bella okay? Has she given birth yet? Caius, please, answer me!” 

He sighed, as if you were bothering him.

“She’s fine. It’s not your sister that’s the problem right now, it’s the child that she was seen with.” He shook his head lightly, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening, “we’ve been informed it’s an immortal child. Do you know what that means?” 

You shook your head, adjusting your posture slightly as you sat up on your bed. 

“Then don’t worry about it, darling, we’re already working on sorting out this… situation.” 

“What does that mean?” You asked, “if you lay so much as a finger on my sister-”

“I told you,” Caius spoke, beginning to lose his patience, “it isn’t your sister that we’re concerned about.” He said before leaving the room. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You knew Caius said he wasn’t going to hurt Bella, but you couldn’t help but fear something terrible was going to happen- and you were glad you trusted your instincts. You were currently by Bella’s side, squeezing her hand reassuringly as you walked. You warned her that the Volturi knew about her daughter, and Alice had already had a vision that the Volturi were planning to punish the Cullens for what they had assumed had happened. 

As the Volturi arrived, you couldn’t help but worry about what Caius would do when he saw you with your sister, you even felt a little nervous when he looked at you, giving you a look that called you foolish. You knew how ruthless and sadistic he could be, but you would never in a thousand years believe he would hurt you. 

You gave Bella one last smile before you let go of her hand, letting her take Renesmee's as your eyes found their way back to Caius. You don’t think you have ever seen him look so angry before. 

Aro and Carlisle spoke, whilst Bella began to whisper to you, 

“Do you think everything will be okay?” 

“Of course,” you said, trying to believe it yourself, “I promise.”

“Aro,” Carlisle began, “let us discuss things as we used to, in a civilised manner.” 

“Fair words, Carlisle,” Aro spoke, “but a little out of place given the battalion you have assembled against us.” 

“I can promise you, that was never my intent. No laws have been broken.” 

“We see the child,” said Caius, his eyes focused on you as he spoke, “do not treat us as fools!” He snarled, his eyebrows furrowed in anger. 

“She is not an immortal!” Carlisle declared, but Aro wouldn’t give in so soon, he wanted proof, evidence- and he wanted it from Edward. 

So far, everything was going great for your side, and you even grinned smugly at Caius, who seemed to be getting more outraged by the second. Especially after Alice turned up, Jasper by her side. And in mere moments, the fight you were all anticipating had begun. 

Aro raised his arms, staying put with Marcus and Caius by his side whilst everyone else began to charge at each other. Kicks and punches were being thrown, wolves were leaping from vampire to vampire, in hopes of beheading their enemies. You weren’t too sure what to do, or where to go, as you were neither wolf nor vampire, and you felt like this wasn’t really your battle to fight. 

You watched in horror as people from both sides would fight, until you heard a low growl from behind you, before your body was flooded by fear and a sharp, agonising pain. 

The last thing you saw before it all went black was the pure shock and fear on Caius’ face before he dashed over to you. 

The wolf that bit you was chased off by another vampire, as Caius picked your limp body off of the snowy ground, holding you in his arms as he fell to his knees. In this moment, he could only care about one thing- and it was you. He couldn’t lose you, he had told you about his wife that had died whilst he was still human, and how he blamed himself for it everyday, and he knew he couldn’t let it happen again. There was only one way to save you, and as his teeth sunk into your skin he whispered a soft apology to you. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Where am I? Caius? What happened?” You asked, blinking what felt like sleep away from your eyes. 

“Oh my- You’re okay!” Caius cried, a wide smile plastered on his face as he wrapped his arms around you, stopping you from sitting up, “I was so, so worried I’d lose you, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for?” You asked, with a soft chuckle. 

“Don’t you remember what happened?” He asked, stroking your cheek with his thumb, feeling devastated at how your once warm skin was now ice cold, like his. 

You shook your head, looking at him cluelessly. 

“That’s okay, you’ve only just woken up,” he said with a gentle smile as your now red eyes met his, “we have forever together now anyway, you got your way, darling.” 

“What happened to Bella? And Renesmee?” 

“They’re perfectly fine, my love.” He told you, “she isn’t what we suspected, Bella and the Cullens are fine.”

You let out a sigh of relief, and smiled up at Caius. 

“Can I hold you?” He asked, and you felt your tummy swarm with butterflies. 

“Yes please.” You grinned. 

He sat down beside you on the bed and pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you and placing his hands on your waist, pressing careful kisses to your forehead. 

“I love you.” He said, taking you by surprise. You turned your face to look at him, clearly he was joking! But as you looked at him you saw nothing but adoration in his eyes, “I’m never letting you leave my side ever again, okay? In all the years I’ve lived, I don’t think I’ve felt such fear as I did when I thought I was going to lose you.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, Caius,” you assured him, “I love you.” 

His hand that previously stroked your cheek came down to your chin, slipping his finger underneath and capturing your lips with his. As he kissed you, you moved slightly, so you were sat on his lap, straddling his hips as he held you against him, not breaking the kiss for the slightest moment now that you didn’t need to pause and catch your breath. “So when do you think we should start planning the wedding?” Caius asked, jokingly. However, you both knew that neither of you would be opposed to getting married, from the moment you first met him you knew he was special, there was something about him that you couldn’t help but fall in love with. However, you couldn’t believe that Caius, who was infamous for being the most cruel and sadistic member of the volturi, loved you, and he would do anything for you.

[scarabies-real]

the jamlets?

OH IM SO EXCITED TO SHARE THIS WITH YALL

I’m working on a fic where Jellie has kittens and the experiencing of co-parenting brings Scar and Grian together. I have called Jellie’s kittens “the Jamlets” and I will not be taking criticism thank you. I did actual genetics to come up with these kittens. There are seven in total! Here they are!

Apricot:

Coat length: short

Coat color: red

Pattern: spotted tabby

Eye color: green (like ref)

Gender: tom

Other: Same white pattern as Jellie (couldn’t find a good ref)

Personality: extremely adventurous, constantly getting into sticky situations. He has orange cat syndrome and is dumb as bricks. Once ate a bee that made his whole face swell up when he was a kitten and Scar had several consecutive panic attacks. Grian is his favorite person and he makes it everybody else’s problem (destroys things when he’s not around to play.)

Peach:

Coat length: long

Coat color: cream bi-color

Pattern: classic tabby, ( tabby markings faint from dilution)

Eye color: green (like ref)

Gender: tom

Personality: Extremely shy around new people, one very anxious little boy. He picked one person to like (Scar) and is terrified of all others. If a cat could be the personification of anxiety that’s him. Is very agile and graceful but you hardly see him show off.

Strawberry:

Coat length: long

Coat color: red

Pattern: classic tabby (tabby markings are faint, genetically solid)

Eye color: gold

Gender: tom

Personality: Orange cat syndrome like his brother but he’s extremely mad about it at all times. Would fight god and win. Is rarely called by his actual name but rather by various nicknames such as “Grumpus, “Sourpuss,” “Crabbypants,” “Hot Pepper,” “Spicy,” “Mr. Murder Mittens,” “Lord Murderberry,” and “NO NOT MY ANKLES LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Blueberry:

Coat length: short

Coat color: blue silver (tuxedo white markings)

Pattern: classic tabby

Eye color: copper

Gender: mollie

Personality: Off the walls 24/7. She came out looking pretty much like a fainter Jellie clone and they thought she would be calm but no, she’s very much like her father (affectionately called “batshit insane”) god help you if you come within spotting distance with her favorite toy (bread twist ties) or if you need to go the bathroom (not alone you won’t!)

Basil:

Coat length: short

Coat color: black

Pattern: mackerel tabby

Eye color: amber

Gender: tom

Personality: LOUD. HE SCREAM. Dramatic little boy he will throw himself in front of your feet and yowl as if you have stepped on him, then gaslight you into giving him a treat even if you did not step on him. Scar calls him his little insurance fraudster. Grian calls him a menace. He is constantly on the brink of starvation and he CANNOT believe you are such a cruel and horrible owner to not feed him, really, do you WANT him to die!? Feathers are evil and must be defeated. It is 4am so he must sing the song of his people and do zoomies around the house.

Mixed Berry “Miss Berry”:

Coat length: long

Coat color: tortoiseshell (dilute, low-white)

Pattern: genetically solid, faint mackerel tabby markings in red fur

Eye color: Green

Gender: mollie

Personality: Constantly judging you. She’s better than you and she knows it. The tortitude is REAL. She’s fairly aloof but food motivated and tolerates everyone to some extent. Only really gets excited about Pearl visiting. Secretly likes her siblings and Grian and Scar but don’t you dare point it out. Never called by her actual name, she’s either “Miss” “Miss Berry” or “Missy.” Treated like a queen. Thinks she’s the favorite. Don’t tell her she’s not.

Kiwi:

Coat length: short

Coat color: black (tuxedo markings and socks, face markings—mustache)

Pattern: solid

Eye color: green

Gender: mollie

Personality: The actual favorite. A very adventurous cuddle bug! If she’s not hunting dust bunnies she’s always in someone’s lap. LOVES to greet strangers and loves being held like a baby. Has a weird fixation with water that cost Scar thousands of dollars (turned on the gap and flooded the entire bathroom.) She has to drink out of a water fountain or tap or she doesn’t drink at all. She gave Scar and Grian a scare when she was born and Scar has Never Gotten Over It. She likes Mumbo to a disturbing degree. They have matching mustaches. He would die for her.

The father: Peanut Butter

coat length: short

coat color: chocolate

pattern: spotted tabby

eye color: amber

Gender: tom (obviously)

Personality: Was originally skittish but has since become a menace to society. He likes to eat trash and start fights. He was supposed to be an indoor cat after Grian found him, but he’s an escape artist and likes to cause panic on purpose. He’s where Blueberry and Apricot get their 0 chill personality. There’s something wrong with him probably. Has street smarts but is horrible at putting them into practice. Constantly getting stuck in things. Called PB for short or “little mans”

The mother: Jellie

coat length: short

coat color: black tortoiseshell silver (mask and mantle white pattern)

pattern: classic tabby

Eye color: green

Gender: mollie (obviously)

Personality: the one true Queen we all know and love. Is a little more of a sneaky girl in this but still so so sweet and a major cuddle bug. What Jellie Wants Jellie Gets. Scar’s instincts to maim and kill for her only get worse when he realizes he’s a grandpa.

Yes I did literal actual genetics research to figure out her coat color and what her kittens could look like no I’m not okay. I had no idea she was a tortoiseshell and not just a black silver until I looked at close up pics and saw she has red (diluted to cream by the silver gene, so it just looks like rufousing) fur interspersed throughout her flank and belly and on her face. I’m so insane about this she’s such a pretty girl.

Anyways PLEASE ask me about the Jamlets or PB&J or Scar and Grian and how the fic goes I have so much knowledge rattling around up here and I want to share it with the world NOW!!!!!

[drottni]

LBFAD Rewatch Part 10

1. When your cheap ass friend starts becoming generous and your immediate thought is "is she broken? Is she possessed ?"

2. Okay can we just talk about the creativity of the "shes deeply in love with me and thats why the Bone Orchid is killing her" arch. Like the way they stitched that in there so we could have the whole "I have to get her to hate me " angst. *chef kisses*

3. Xunfeng: Wait so the Moon Queen is not going to live long?

DFQC: Over my dead body >:(

Xunfeng: Or....hear me out. Over HER dead body! Eh? Eh!

DFQC: *jail for Xunfeng*

4. Xunfeng: I cannot give you the sword. You will destroy it. You are the last hope for the Moon tribe

DFQC: *angry exasperated face* If one more person says that to me---

5. Xunfeng kicking DFQC while he is down:

Me: You little menace.

6. Idk how many times I will gush over his acting, but ya'll. Wang Hedi looked soooo genuinely torn. Like his facial muscles rippling with checked anger. His tight grip loosening as Xunfeng's words start to hit home. The rippling anguish in his eyes as he realizes just what he is doing and how much of a risk he is taking. God.

7. Omg the absolute hell ish pressure cooker my poor baby DFQC is in. Like ya'll imagine everyone relying on you and just trusting in you to handle the enemy cuz you got mad crazy powers and you have to sit there and not have a panic attack because you no longer have the mad crazy powers and you will most likely lose either your people or the person you love. OOOH GOD. Get him out of there! I got second hand panic attacks watching this

8. XLH: Im gonna make the Phoenix Crown out of the flowers Big Blockhead planted for me when I came to Cangyan sea.

Jieli: You're such a romantic you dweeb. Loser -_- (I love you, you beautiful innocent soul)

9. XLH: I dont care who I was. All that matters now is I will be his wife *blush*

Me:

10. DFQC giving her an out. Telling her she still has time to save herself before the war. Hoping that she does leave but also that she doesn't. Her barely holding back tears as she continues to discuss the wedding. Both of them losing their shit as the reality sets in. AAAHHHHHH 😭😭 Reminding each other of their promise. "Whatever happens, we face it together". (him also realizing at this point the absolute betrayal hes going to have to put her through) omg.

11. If your demon hubby doesn't sit by your bedside while you sleep despite having 1001 and other things to look after, namely a whole ass war...drop him. DFQC supremacy.

12. "In this world what is real and what is fake? I only know that I love DFQC, that is real. It is more than enough" >>>>>>>>> any other love confession

13. DFQC: Because I know them well. One was my bestfriend. The other was the woman I wanted to marry.

Me on my first watch: was? WAS?? WAASSS?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

14. THE THUNDEROUS SKY AS HE DOES THE TERRIBLE ACT OF BETRAYAL.

15. XLH: this food is the one I hate. THIS RIGHT HERE is going too far.

she's just like me fr. dont mess with food.

16. DFQC about to sacrifice his body, soul and spirit to save his people.

XLH: *in danger*

DFQC: Sacrifice is canceled. We are saving the love my of life. Again.

17. I dont even have words for that scene. Never getting over that. (actually i have words and they are too many.)

18. I just wanna say that in my first watch, I did not process that she actually died for the longest time. Despite the whole setup and slow mo. I just kept thinking nahhh DFQC going to think of something and save her. Aint no way he letting her die.

With this thought in my mind, I just imagine how it must have felt for him. How absolutely helpless and devastated. 😭

19. My mans out here straight up suicidal and burning his primordial spirit faster and faster, getting irritated with all his bros for trying to give him their primordial spirit 🥲🥲

[fruitsoxs]

OK the plushie hcs were the best thing ever now im begging for more with Meryl, Milly, Roberto, and Legato if that's not too many.

this took me way too long (im so sorry lol)

pairing(s); none warnings; none

Meryl

Okay so I fully believe Meryl would be the one person to immediately question what the hell is going on

“Why is there a tiny me?” “Aw so cute!” “No Vash, it’s not cute- why is it here?”

Meanwhile plushie meryl is just like “??? who are you?” right back

However, they’ll probably end up getting along

It might take awhile because they’re both suspicious of each other, but after awhile they’d get use to the weirdness and vibe

Like plushie Meryl would say something and Meryl would just go “Exactly!” and bam they’re best friends

I imagine the two of them would make Roberto’s life absolute hell 

Milly

Besties the moment they meet

They make eye contact and they’re just like “hey- we’re the same?”

Everyone loves these two. They’re a wholesome duo

However, don’t make either of them mad. They’ll fight you (imagine plushie milly punching you with her little arms) (it still hurts because all version of Milly are strong fr)

Plushie Milly likes to sit on Milly’s shoulder to feel tall

But she’ll also sit on Meryl and Wolfwood's shoulders for fun.

Occasionally she'll sit with vash- which always leads to fun little scenarios

I imagine there's a moment where Vash and the insurance girls split up for a second, and Vash suddenly discovers plushie Milly on HIS shoulder

And she just goes “hallo!”

Vash has a mini panic attack because he just kidnapped plushie Milly accidentally

But it’s all okay because those three always end up in the same town somehow 

Roberto

The first time roberto sees plushie him he just … sighs. 

He’s like “my life is already weird enough-” And just accepts whatever is happening

Probably takes a drink from his flask

And Plushie Roberto does the same thing. Probably asks for a drink and Roberto is just like “Well…if you’re me-” 

They are always done with everything that’s going on

Sometimes they feel like the only ones who ever speak any sense

So, despite how weird it is for Roberto, he actually enjoys having somebody on the same wavelength 

Meryl thinks the situation is so funny until plushie Reberto starts calling her “newbie”

Legato

Okay so basically these two would absolutely hate each other

They’re both super petty

I’m talking non-stop verbal arguments that end with Legato wanting to squeeze the life out of plushie Legato

“I was here first-” “but I’m cuter so-” 

Everyone else around them is about to get so annoyed. I think they’d end up having to separate the two

Also they probably will end up getting the “get along shirt” treatment at some point in time

Legato MIGHT take pity on him and let him hang out in his pocket

But i feel like these two will be enemies who just sometimes happen to agree with each other sometimes

[selchwife]

idk if ive talked here about the. most of star war au tbh? hard to summarize. rambling incoming

essentially. pfeil was prince of zygerria, but it sucked for numerous reasons (terrible fascist hell culture, abusive family, etc). his mom was physically violent and during one altercation he freaks out and kills her with the dark side of the force. like jsut explodes her. obviously being like 15 he panics and flees the planet as a stowaway on the first ship he can find.

he ends up on this planet I MADE UP <3 called orphan, which is an orphan planet (hence the name). it's home to an imperial shipyard, and in essence it kind of functions like a prison colony and general shunting-off place for Undesirables. nothing grows there, it's all solid ice, its day-night cycle is managed by a big stupid orbital lamp and the ice crystals in the air cause a lot of optical illusions. the overseer lets him stay on the condition that he work, and everyone sort of quietly overlooks the fact that he gives a fake name and doesn't legally exist and the obviousness of like. i mean come on this little zygerrian guy shows up and then a few days later you hear on the news that their prince is missing and his mom is dead? DUH

anyway. orphan sucks, the optical bullshit and isolation and bad safety standards and all cause a LOT of industrial accidents and general malaise. pfeil just kind of absorbs this horrible atmosphere and gets mad about it and mad at the empire and it all sort of festers until someone Else gets into an accident and he's had Enough and steals a ship to go attack the first imperial operation he comes across and hopes he'll just get blown up. instead thrawn grabs him, and he does his typical thing of like "oh hmmm, he might be useful later," and essentially lets him go and leads him to the ghost crew.

i think pfeil meets up with everybody after the shit with maul, so between seasons 2 and 3. obviously kanan doesn't like him bc he's got the most rancid dark side vibes humanly possibly (felinely possible?) but ezra likes him. pfeil gets weird about kanan thinking he's ontologically evil since he's already got massive guilt issues and ocd also. everybody else is some level of cool with him though. he and zeb get along particularly well since they're the least humany of the crew i think, and obviously he has force shit in common with ezra and an interest in art in common with sabine. hera just kind of adopts him

i tend to imagine season 3 is kind of like...he has a lot of soul searching to do about his self destructive/suicidal tendencies and connection to the force and kanan really only makes it worse. i think a lot that pfeil would seek out the bendu and be like OKAY SO YOURE A GREAT AND WISE TEACHER. IM ALL FUCKED UP. HOW DO I STOP BEING FORCE SENSITIVE. and ofc the bendu is like Well you'd have to kill yourself (the living force is part of everyone, you can't not be alive unless you're dead, etc). and pfeil being pfeil takes this to mean "Ah, so i am morally obligated to kill myself then" which. Not what he said

the big battle at atollon is probably his nadir, really. i had been thinking he gets over his whole Thing before then but really his behavior ive written for it suggests he is in fact still up to his usual bullshit. snooping as usual i see. anyway. it is Terribly hopeless for the rebels so i imagine pfeil processes this as like "I can make a difference in the survival of the rebellion. By finally doing the moral thing and CRAZY DYING." and goes out there and fights like an insane scary reckless person until his ship does, in fact, get blown up.

i think this is where there are two sort of possibilities. either way he survives due to the horrible inside of him (dark side of the force). in an au where emet expy polydegmon is emperor, he gets scooped out of space and put in a bacta tank and shit, and there's an uncomfortable captor-captive romance thing that happens and whatever, i still haven't found a way to plot that out in my head to my satisfaction, i never like it. it's not interesting anyway.

the thing that i did this whole big long preamble for is that like. i started thinking "ok but what if i DIDNT replace palpatine with a cuntress. what would happen then." i don't think sheevy palps would scoop pfeil out of the space dirt, honestly. polydegmon initially wants to get in on that because he thinks his dark side echo bullshit might be useful and then falls in love with him and is like oh no oh fuck god dammit, but i think palpatine is too busy being palpatine to take much interest in pfeil, and beyond that i think he'd rather have pfeil be dead than potentially bring another apprentice into the stupid mix bc it's not like pfeil is as cool and badass in the force as luke or anything.

what i'm saying mostly is that i think it would be interesting if maybe in this timeline pfeil was stuck as a pfeilsicle out in space until like. idk. new republic times probably. fry from futurama ass situation

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[creativebrainrot]

Since RP is becoming less and less scary ive been considering Maelgwyn AUs that dont include major story characters and one that also doesnt include being an Elonian Sylvari.

I'll start with the second one because, I've thought about it less, since the game encourages non-pale tree sylvari through Malyck's existence.

I'll keep the abnormally large part of his design because it contributes to his own expierence with himself. (?) His stature, coloration, and generally creature-like traits contribute to his selfhate and how much he despises being seen as a monster. Which is his primary motivation for why he Does That One Thing that starts his journey. Being seen as a monster is why he becomes a bounty hunter. So if he's not in elona, what if bandit syndicate leader? Except, these ones are grey morals and tend to help out those in need by picking targets who have excess and will for sure be fine after the attack. People who can EASILY replace lost shipments. Thats an easy enough replacement for the desert beast thing.

undercooked tho because im pretty sure no one would be tooo mad about a Single Elonian sylvari. My main answer for Maelgwyn's desert tree not being involved is usually, the tree never recovers. He's the only one that's awakened, and rather than healing slowly and stabilizing, the tree dies a few weeks after he wakes.

The first AU is much more interesting to me because Maelgwyn starts pretty grey morals BUT. If he never meets Trahearne,,,,,,,, he gets worse. Because Trahearne is also a grey morals guy but after being pact marshal for so long his morals have shifted to be a lighter shade, which rubs off on Maelgwyn. But if he never meets and stays with Trahearne then his friends would likely be fellow bounty hunters and contacts in the trade syndicates that get along with The Desert Beast and i think thatd make him much more willing to do shit like say. Raid a syndicate hideout with his buddies for nicer drinks and such. The syndicate doesnt LIKE him ANYWAY, and they ARE too close to his turf SO is it rEEEAAALLY THAAT BAAAD. cmon man. its JUST for some better alcohol and theyre only gonna do it once. or twice. when they feel like it. its not like the bandits need the stuff anyway????????

and shit like that. If he never meets Trahearne he also doesnt heal. Not as much anyway. Because falling for your fucking client/charge was a FLUKE and NOT THE PLAN. Maelgwyn was still very much not ready to actually love someone again but thats what he THOUGHT he was. He stumbled across the right person, and fell in love with someone safe and understanding enough, who loved him BACK enough, to see through his difficult tendencies. So his self hate, self doubt, fear, and just. ALL of his mental health issues around falling in love and being vulnerable with other people sticks around. Because he never got a chance to organically unlearn any of it. Because he IS NOT gonna be the one who goes looking for love.

Absolutely not, you tell this man you love him four months into a casual romantic relationship, he is having a secret panic attack and ghosting.

If he falls in love with YOU and realizes it. Bye. Ghosting.

He's so not okay xd

He's okay with friends, for the most part, but chances are, you're still not getting through to his honest self. Everyone gets The Desert Beast. If you get to see Maelgwyn you are a LUCKY bastard, this man masks and hides his real self SO MUCH.