#he's just so unbothered by the asteroid

[rainypebble07]

I was overdue for a phone case redesign. Guess what inspired me

medium: miscellaneous nail polish

WHAT THAT'S ACTUALLY SO COOL- 10/10 phone case, stegosaurwill looks amazing in his red flannel.

But the poor guy is about to get hit by an asteroid too, so... rip I guess

That's just so crazy and I absolutely love it, good job!!!

[tilted-severed-lines]

Tilted Severed Lines (Solarballs AU)

Part 7: Dodgeball asteroids

Previous / Lobby / Next

Earth and Planet X drift through the dark space together, with nothing but the quiet hum of the stars and the distant twinkling lights of far-off systems. Earth hovers in silence, his eyes fixed on a small, glowing speck in the vast darkness—his former home, the solar system. He watches it with a mixture of awe and sadness. The two newborn moons orbit gently around him, glowing softly, casting light over them both.

Planet X floats nearby, glancing over at Earth. He can see the look on Earth’s face—a distant, almost longing expression. X frowns slightly, unsure if he should ask or not. He knows Earth doesn't talk much about the solar system, but the silence between them is becoming heavier.

Planet X (softly): "You still thinkin’ about them?"

Earth doesn’t answer right away, still staring at the distant solar system. He blinks, then glances over at X, snapping out of his daze.

Earth (sighing, avoiding the subject): "It’s… quieter than I expected out here."

X floats a little closer, trying to read Earth’s mood. He watches as Earth crosses his arms and fidgets slightly, clearly restless. X tilts his head, his curiosity piqued.

Planet X (teasing slightly): "Quieter, huh? Don’t tell me you're already bored of this great intergalactic adventure."

Earth smirks a little, but the look of boredom doesn’t leave his face. He turns back to the distant speck of light and shrugs.

Earth (sighing again): "Maybe a little."

X raises a brow, watching Earth’s restless movements. He’s seen this look before—Earth was clearly thinking of something, his mind wandering. X crosses his arms and floats closer.

Planet X: "Well, then… why don’t we do something about it?"

Earth looks over at him, raising an eyebrow, curious but also intrigued.

Earth (amused): "Like what?"

X shrugs, pretending to be nonchalant but also trying to gauge Earth’s reaction.

Planet X (grinning): "I don’t know. You’re the one looking all antsy. What do you usually do when you’re bored?"

Earth pauses for a moment, clearly thinking it over. Then his eyes light up as an idea sparks in his head. He glances over at a small cluster of floating asteroids not too far away, and his lips curl into a mischievous grin.

Earth: "Ever played dodgeball with asteroids?"

X blinks, looking at Earth like he’s just suggested something completely out of left field. He glances from Earth to the meteorites, then back to Earth.

Planet X (confused): "Dodgeball… with asteroids? What’s that?"

Earth chuckles, his excitement growing as he explains the game.

Earth (grinning): "It’s simple. You grab an asteroid, throw it at me, and I dodge. Then I throw one at you, and you dodge. We go back and forth. Easy, right?"

X raises an eyebrow, looking from Earth to the asteroids again, clearly unsure about this idea. His frown deepens slightly as he considers the risks.

Planet X (seriously): "You’re serious? You, a rocky planet, want to dodge asteroids?"

Earth nods eagerly, floating closer to one of the asteroids, clearly unbothered by X’s concern.

Earth: "Come on, X. Don’t tell me you’re scared. It’ll be fun."

X watches him with a skeptical expression, but his concern is clear. He crosses his arms, still not convinced.

Planet X: "I’m not scared, but you’re… fragile. What if you get hit?"

Earth chuckles, brushing off X’s worries as if they were nothing. He waves a hand dismissively.

Earth: "I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse. A little asteroid won’t kill me."

X frowns, his protective instincts kicking in. He floats closer, his voice softening with genuine concern.

Planet X: "But I’m bigger than you. I’ve got a stronger gravitational pull. If I throw one of those too hard… I could hurt you."

Earth pauses, his playful grin fading a little as he notices X’s seriousness. For a moment, he’s taken aback by X’s concern. He hadn’t expected X to care so much. Earth shifts awkwardly, his excitement dimming slightly.

Earth (quietly): "I… didn’t think of that."

There’s a beat of silence between them as Earth looks at the asteroids, his playful energy replaced by a more thoughtful expression. X, noticing Earth’s shift, lets out a small sigh.

Planet X (gently): "Look, I don’t want to ruin your fun, but… let’s be careful, okay? I don’t want you getting hurt."

Earth looks at him for a long moment, clearly considering what X is saying. The awkward tension hangs in the air, but eventually, Earth lets out a small sigh, shaking his head.

Earth: "Alright, fine. We’ll go easy."

X watches him for a moment, then finally cracks a small smile of his own.

Planet X (smirking): "Easy, huh? Fine. Let’s see if you can dodge this."

Earth’s grin returns, and with that, the two planets start their playful game, gently tossing asteroids back and forth. The boredom and tension slowly fade away as they both start to enjoy the game, their movements becoming more fluid, more relaxed.

---

(A/N): Okay, f this one. I ran out of ideas.

Previous / Lobby / Next

[the-starry-seas]

More Sparkling thoughts:

They're one of the last batches made on Cybertron before [insert a catastrophe that prevented the making of new ones]. They were intended to be raised as soldiers, but then the war took a bad turn for the Autobots and it became clear they'd never grow up in time. So the most injured, and therefore least combat effective, Autobot is made their guardian. Their name was Widespot.

One of the last remaining transport ships was loaded with the stasis pods holding the Sparklings, and Widespot barely managed to get off Cybertron. It was a minor miracle that they were able to escape, but there were a few Decepticon ships in pursuit, so their ultimate fate is questionable in everyone's minds.

Especially since the ship was supposed to rendezvous with the rest of the Autobots on Earth, and then never showed up. As the years passed, and then the decades, it became obvious that Widespot (and all the sparklings, by extension) were killed by the Decepticon ships.

When the Transwarp Drive was destroyed, the resulting explosion of energy sent ripples across the universe. This generally meant nothing in the grand scheme of things - a handful of asteroids getting put into other quadrants of space, far from the Milky Way - but one ripple caught the ship and brought it into orbit around Earth.

It stayed there for twenty-nine years, unbothered by the human astronauts who thought it was just more space junk. Eventually its orbit degraded enough that it plummeted through the atmosphere and landed in upstate New York.

The Autobots find the ship with Widespot dead in the control seat. Decepticons fired on the ship, disabling all its systems and killing its pilot, and left it to drift through space since they thought the stasis pods were destroyed.

Except they weren't! So the bots have a dozen brand new sparklings to look after. There's a few thoughts from the older bots, about how the sparklings might end up as soldiers after all, but for the most part it's a very festive mood! The sparklings are the absolute cutest thing imaginable, and also kind of need constant supervision to stay out of trouble.

They're intelligent enough to solve problems, and by extension, they cause plenty of problems too. Unfortunately, being like two weeks old, they have no concept of danger. They will walk out into the road or try to pet a rabid raccoon if left to their own devices. They also basically have the moral code of a flock of seagulls, just because they haven't learned otherwise yet.

Fortunately, they all really love Stormbrake, and are happy to cuddle up to him for hours at a time. (And he's happy to hold them! They mean more to him than anything or anyone else.) Nobody lets Mirage babysit without supervision, because he also has the moral code of a seagull sometimes. But Stormbrake can get him to behave, so they make a great team. Especially when Bee teaches the sparklings their first curse and gets banned from babysitting for two months.

[illicien]

Collared outtakes

During the writing of chapter 6 Collared I had a whole complicated moment of trying to figure out how to make one of the scenes work, which meant a bit of PoV change temporarily. I tried to make it work for the whole chapter, but wound up figuring out how to keep it in Tony's PoV, so here are some of the partial (unedited) scenes I wrote before-hand.

Please note, despite these scenes being written for chapter 6, they actually contain spoilers for chapter 8 - which is part of why things got swapped about.

Enjoy some Loki trauma!

There had been a lot of days in his life he would've considered bad days. There were plenty of weeks he would've considered bad weeks. There were even a handful of months he would've considered bad months.

This month definitely ranked highly.

"The biggest problem with Sakaar is going to be finding the Grandmaster to begin with. Whatever plans we have hinge on locating him, by the sound of it, and trying to form any kind of concrete plan without knowing that is going to be difficult."

Across the table in the galley sat Stark, continuing to look as though he'd been bitten by something venomous given the looks he was giving. Beside him, Stephen spoke as eloquently as ever, seemingly unbothered by his master's proximity. Thor was participating in the conversation from the cockpit more than anything as they worked their way through an asteroid field that made the Sköll rock uncomfortably.

"Yes, I imagine that is going to be an issue," Loki agreed, trying his absolute best to ignore the mark Stark had left. His temper had never been a great thing to begin with, but Stark really was pushing the absolute boundary of what he could tolerate. "Reconnaissance will be required, which I expect will be left to me."

"Dunno why you have it in your head that you're gonna be trusted with that. They know you there, right? That's the whole point of why you're going?"

Loki schooled his features carefully, before shifting to look back at Stark with his own face. "Luckily, I'm considerably better at costuming than my brother."

He took some slight pleasure from Stark's obvious discomfort, though the tap to his ankle from under the table kept him from lingering in the form for any longer. Returning to his Asgardian form easily, he shrugged a shoulder.

"Of course, if you're determined to do a thorough reconnaissance of a planet you've never been to, among people you don't know, with no real idea where to start… well, I welcome you to impress me."

"I'm getting real tired of your attitude," the man muttered under his breath, not nearly quiet enough to go unheard. Stephen nudged the man with an elbow, and Loki's teeth nearly clamped down on his tongue as he kept himself from responding the way he wanted to.

Instead he offered a poisonously friendly smile to the man.

"That's incredibly productive of you, Stark. Thank you so very much for your brilliant addition to this conversation."

"Would the two of you stop it already?" Stephen sighed, leaning back into the cloak's comfortable hold. "None of us wants to be here right now. We all have better things to do with our lives–"

Loki once again bit back his response, though Stark, to his credit, verbalized much of what he would have said.

"I don't have anything better to do with my life than protect people I care about, Doc. I wouldn't be here if that were the case. I'm just sick as hell of–"

"I know you are." Stephen turned toward Stark, and Loki folded his arms to watch them. "You wanna know what I'm sick of? This." He tugged pointedly at the collar. Stark was abruptly mollified.

"I'm sick of not sleeping in my own bed. I'm sick of not being able to talk to my friends. I'm sick of everyone having to worry, watch their words, and cater to me so that I'm not literally, physically sick. I'm sick of not being able to express myself, or look you in the eye when I'm talking to you. I'm sick of not knowing how my relationships with people will stand when - or if - this thing ever comes off. I'm sick of my ability to be comfortable being based on your mood at any given time. Loki is at least making an effort not to start a fight, and as hard as this is on you - something I'm not discounting in the slightest - starting shit with him isn't helpful."

Stark dropped his gaze to the table, and despite understanding where Stephen came from and his own issues with Stark, he still found himself feeling for the man. Being on the receiving end of Stephen's disappointment was never a good feeling, and Stark clearly harboured feelings for him.

Taking sympathy on the man, Loki spoke up as calmly as he could manage in an attempt to redirect the conversation.

"This ship you've built, how much information will it be able to gather from the planet's surface?"

Stephen looked over at him, and Loki was surprised that the gratitude in the sorcerer's eyes seemed echoed, if only mildly, in Stark's when he looked up again.

"If we're over the planet long enough, I can get a pretty detailed scan of the terrain and buildings. Depending on the planet's composition, and the materials things are made of, I may be able to get further information about caves or underground systems, maybe even building layouts."

"Being over the planet isn't going to be an option." He answered Stark's puzzled expression before the man even spoke. "The sky is full of a series of wormholes, and our entry will be through one of those rather than from orbit."

"... That'll make a subtle entry more challenging. And I don't know how much wormholes might mess with the sensors. I'll have to recalibrate to make sure they'll be prepared."

"What about on your suit?"

"Pardon?" Stark looked at him with confusion for a moment, but even as Loki watched he saw the way the man's eyes lit up as he caught on. "Yeah. Yeah, that might work. I don't need to be in orbit, should be able to detect life signs as well, so if the guy's in hiding…"

He leaned back in his seat, his mind being given something to focus on that he was willing to latch on to. It was fascinating to watch, really, and familiar in a way. While Thor's moments of sudden clarity tended to come with loud noises - a hand hitting the table, or an abrupt 'ah-ha!' - the sudden light in Stark's eyes more resembled Stephen's moments of understanding. Bright, engaged, and focused.

Stark tapped his fingers against the table quietly in thought, and there was an energy about him as though he wanted to get up and move. That was where they differed. When Stephen's mind was most active, his body seemed especially still and quiet. Based on what information he had, he imagined that stillness came from his former position as a surgeon - a distinct level of precision was required that could mean the difference between life and death.

He wasn't surprised that this was a man Stephen called 'friend'.

"Once we do find him, what are we expecting?" Stephen inquired, turning his attention to Loki.

"An asshole who thinks he's a kind and generous ruler," Loki sighed. He didn't need to look at Stark to know the look the man was giving him. "His mood can be challenging to read and even his good moods may mean death."

"I once saw him smile as he melted a man," Thor called from the cockpit. "The smell was unbelievable…"

"Ah. That doesn't bode well," Stephen frowned. "Though, I was more inquiring as to your full plan. From what I've gathered you'd like to go into this pretending as though you're my master, and you'd like to release me from this…?"

"No," Loki clarified, settling into a more familiar rhythm with the sorcerer. "While the plan is to act as your master, my intention is to convince him I recieved you without full instructions."

Pulling a sheet from a pocket dimension with a flourish, he slid it over to Stark. "The translation of what's written on the collar. As you can see, it mostly discusses the particular settings the collar is in. When it rotates as things change, the words do as well."

"You only just thought to give me this?" Stark barked at him, taking the sheet from the table quickly.

"I only just finished translating it earlier today. No need to thank me or anything." Oh he was once again doing his best to get on Loki's last nerve.

~~~~~~~As far as I wrote of that scene... now on to the Grandmaster~~~~~

“Hm… I can’t say I see the uh… appeal. But those eyes. I could just pluck those right out of your head and I know someone who would dearly love them. Imagine the things they’ve seen…”

“I would thank you not to damage my property,” Loki responded bluntly, “I happen to prefer that he knows where to go.”

“Curious, curious. You see, though, uh… there’s a slight… tiny little hiccup with all of this.” The Grandmaster nodded, turning away from Stephen to tuck his hands behind his back with the same small smile on his face that had always felt like greasy fingers down Loki’s spine. “A… problem, if you will.”

He had come expecting this. Of course nothing would come for free, and there would be a cost to this request. Now it was time to find out what it was. “Yes?”

“Property cannot own property,” the Grandmaster stated simply. Loki did his best to school his features into neutrality, simply raising an eyebrow at the man.

“I’m not sure I follow. You will recall, I have been released of my servitude.”

“Oh, no, darling no. You’ve been released of your collar. But no collar will ever accept you as a master.” Loki was certain he should have moved away. He had actively instructed himself to. His brain screamed for it. Habit pinned his feet to the ground as the Grandmaster cupped the side of his head in mock-affection. “A lack of collar doesn’t make you any less property.”

Loki’s mouth opened to protest before a scarred, shaking hand caught the Grandmaster’s wrist and dragged it away from him. He could feel the energy from the collar and immediately knew that Stephen had to be in agony, but he couldn't make himself move.

The Grandmaster's face twisted into a smile that felt like a fish hook in his gut, looking at the hand holding his wrist and then at the man attached to that hand.

"Willful, aren't you? I uh… I remember someone else being… oh what's the word? Ah, stubborn. Of course. You leave too much slack on the leash and they think they can get away with anything. But my, those eyes are intense, aren't they?"

He wished his mind would focus. He couldn't make himself turn his head to look at Stephen, afraid to take his eyes off of the Grandmaster. Stephen couldn't speak, he knew that had run its course already, and yet the Grandmaster responded to all the speaking his body language was doing.

"I simply touched him and you would go to all these lengths? Oh you're angry, how quaint." The man took two steps forward, and Loki's head followed the movement as the Grandmaster moved closer into Stephen's space.

"I think I can imagine what has you all worked up, but uh… shall I guess?"

"I don't think that's necessary," Loki managed around the lump in his throat, reaching his own hand out to touch Stephen's hand. "Release him."Stephen's expression was stony, though all the tendons in his neck were being made clear with the pain he was in. He did, however, release the Grandmaster's wrist at Loki's request, gritting his teeth further. Loki continued to feel the energy of the collar, trying his best not to break under the realization that he wasn’t free. He’d never be free of this man. He’d never be free again.

~~~~~~~Yeah, I figured out how to handle it about when I reached this point.~~~~~~~

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

Uchiha Madara's birth chart : Headcanon

The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly

illustration by @sableraven with kind permission and such a great talent I invite you to follow !

I'm so excited for this post ! It was actually the reason number one why I started this tumblr. What if we had Madara birth chart ? I know that many of you are not familiar with astrology vocabulary so I'm trying to do it as simple as possible. If you have more questions please ask them in comments and I encourage you to do your own researches as well.

So what is a birth chart in astrology? First let's agree that sun's radiation impact your skins tone, your mood, your sleep's cycle. Moon's cycles rise oceans, tremendous mass of water, and it's a bit naive to thing it does not affect little mammal like humans made up of 70% of water and other fluids. The same goes on with all planets of our solar system.

However people are not determinate solely by nature. It's like a DNA, two twins got the same hand of cards at birth but since they are two different souls, they play in two different way. But still people with the same cards tend to have similar strategy in life.

In daily life, when people refer to their signs they actually talking about their Sun sign. While to have a more accurate understanding of a person you need to know where are place the 10 planets, plus moon and sun, asteroids, and other mathematical points ( liliths, north node ect). Then, a birth chart is a simplified photography of the sky at the time of your birth. So sometimes you will heard someone saying : I'm not at all a Virgo, but when you analyse their whole chart, you realize that they have all their planets in Aries for example, putting more dynamic energy into the modest earth sign.

This being said I invent Madara's chart out of fun, based on how I interpret his whole behaviour in Naruto. And I will be more than happy to read your own version of him👀, don't be shy. The only canon fact is his birth chart 24th of December.

In this part I will talk about the personal planets : Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturne and Ascendant.

I may do a second part later if really you are interested on generational planets Uranus, Neptune, Pluto : but it will be more about talk about the Founders era than just Madara. I don't know...let me know in comments what you want.

Disclaimers closed. Let's have a close look at our Devilish Mass Murder King👹

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

I was supposed to do it in Photoshop... but gosh nothing more quicker than old school paper and protractor 🥲

☉ Sun : Ego – Branding to the world

♑ Capricorn

Capricorn is the classic OP villain. Just read the description : rigorous, cold, unbothered, disciplined, strategic. Without much effort, everybody recognize him on surface level. I won't go too deep since I have already dig into details in my ask : Madara as an Archetype of Capricorn

Ascendant/Rising Sign : Social personality – Physical Body

♑Capricorn

We talk about the ascendant as the constellation sign who was ascending (or rising) on the eastern horizon at the time of birth.

Now let's go straight into my headcanon. Contrary to sun where you have to put some will, Ascendant or as well called rising sign are something that you mastered already, it's who you are effortlessly. It has an impact to your physical appearance, health and how socially you naturally behave. In this case, I just compare him to other Capricorns present in the manga : Gaara, Hinata, Danzo, Gai (yes surprisingly!) Contrary to them, Madara embodies physically the toughness of Capricorn who have been thought hell to be who he is. You can read in his body, the wildness of his character. He is not the taller or the bigger muscle but you know by his physical posture that man is unstoppable. Even death is not an obstacle.

A nice opposite to what I just said for example is Kabuto (sun Piscse) maybe ascendant gemini ? even if we know that he is a brilliant villain and gave us the best twist plot...well I'm not scared or fascinated by Kabuto chara design. And that's Pisces' force they look inoffensive so nobody saw them coming... but Pisces is story for an other time !

In Madara it's not the case, what he is, is what you get. In his demeanour you can tell he means what he said, if you don't move from his path he will walk over you, manu militari. And the Capricorn is represent by the G.O.A.T. ( Greatest Of All Time) right ? Definitely yes, that's our man.

☾Moon : Emotion – Comfort zone

♋Cancer

Moon by nature is receptive. In astronomy, we know that this satellite of Earth shines by reflecting the sun's light. Moon is about intuition and creativity. A creative acts like a pregnant woman, who receives inspiration from outside, keeps it inside to gestate it and then delivered something else brand new to the world. Moon in western astrology is as well strongly attached to the Woman and the Mother. Woman's cycle and the Moon phase are strangely similar : 28 days divided in 4 part : new moon, moon waxing, full moon, moon waning. Cancer's archetype is the Mother. Not saying all mothers are like this but it's an ideal. The caring one, the unconditional love, the protector, the nurturer, the receiver. This being said Moon is at its strongest in Cancer.

In Naruto univers, the moon is more flagrant in the childhood. Children are more in touch with their emotions, when they grow up their ego (sun) takes over place and you need to be in their intimacy to witness their moon.

Madara's moon is both a challenge and a subversive task. Because he is probably one of the character who hide it the most. It's really hard to reach his intimate thought, or emotion self. And majority of naruto fandom think he doesn't have any, which is rigorously impossible. For a long time I hesitated between leo and cancer, both had solid argument but my final choice was cancer.

Remember I said in my previous post is Madara our Lord and Saviour ? And as well Today is Winter Solstice , Capricorn is associated with darkest part of the year. In contrary Cancer starts with Summer solstice where light prevailed on darkness, isn't it a nice opposition to have a character with very scary outer appearance, but internally moved by the softest heart ?

Hashirama again and again repeated that Madara is kind, more loving that Itachi to Sasuke. And we all shed generous tears for Itachi so how is that even possible to conceive a love stronger that a brother who sacrifice his clan and his own reputation for it ? Everything about Madara's moon is off screen but isn't moon's nature to hide from others ? and for us readers, it's hard to admit his softer side because we were exposed to him in his most wounded version. In Hashirama's memories we just saw a glimpse of it. A moody child but also attentive to Hashirama's sorrow, a kid that back then he barely knows. Still two things kept my attention : the protective almost motherly love towards Izuna (he gave up his army to the ennemy for him, a mistake for a military leader). And his attachment though time for Hashirama's friendship even if all events wants them to hate each other. Cancer never let it go, it clings desperately to the past. Have you ever tried to loosen crab pincers ? You can't. Unless they want it, it's impossible and they hold to you till death and beyond.

But Crab/Cancer not only hold but they pinch HARD ! We generally have this naive image of cancer, desperately romantic and crybaby which they are to some extend. But cancer in their worst side can be the most terrible manipulator. They will hate you with the same intensity they loved you once unconditionally. They play with your emotional weakness ( Obito). Worst idea to have them as swear enemy. Dark Cancer is the definition of a troll. They hate you so much, but they are more loyal to your page than you own partner, they won't let you go and they are obsessive and irrational in their Vendetta against you. Madara has this ambivalent relationship towards Hashirama, he pretends to hate him but can't stop talking about him every goddamn time.

Wounded Cancers close themselves from the world, and Madara betrayed by all, is known for having spending 50 years in a cave, (allegory of a womb ?), healing his pains, awaiting to reborn again, before coming back stronger than ever. I think it was important in his character's development that he messed up Obito and killed Sasuke. It was really to show how much he renounced his protective nature towards Uchihas, he sacrificed all he was for his dream.

I witnessed real life Cancers who loose their child. It was a long and painful destructive life for themselves and people around them. And it ends up inside three coffins... Cancer's power is not just a concept floating somewhere. Give them a pinch of love they will give you back without moderation, give them a pinch of hate they will unleash Horror and Hell. So please for world's peace, don't break Cancers' heart❤️. By the way, we have a theory with @blessingoflove that Uchiha clan as a whole seems to be a cancer clan. But again story for an other time 😉.

♂ Mars : Action - Desire

♌ Leo

Mars, the red planet, represents, the archetypal Male or Yang energy : Outgoing, confident, dominant, violence, action, desire, bravery, passion, Sexe.

I've always being intrigued by mars' energy, it's all about survivor instinct, life drive, desire for expansion but as well about destruction and death in order to self preservation. This contradiction is a mysterious to me, but that's where resides its attractive appealing.

Since mars is already the planet of war. Naruto's storyline happened during wars. The Shinobi world is a military system. So to simplify, I see mars energy in character's style of fighting. Are their strong defender (earth) ? Tactician(air), intuitive (water), offensive (fire) fighter. And as well since Mars is about war and..hum...sexe...well you know what it's worth under the sheets...

Madara is Mars in Leo, there is no debate in my mind. When he fights he needs to shine, takes all the spotlights to the extend of outshining the main character. Leo is ruled by sun but Mars prospers in the creative sign of Leo. It's the Sun King, the attention-seeker, the love for drama specially if it revolved around himself. Can we have a moment of silence for Obito's plan of world war ? Madara never planned to start the 4th Shinobi war but when he saw this BIG STAGE offered to him he thought : Why not show them how amazing I am, and left them with PTSD memories they will carry to their grandchildren ? Don't invite him to your birthday he will make it about him somehow.

Leo is as well a love for praising, and our sneaky Kabuto (again) feel it immediately with his :

KABUTO : please Madara-sama, show us how big are your legendary b***

MADARA : Say no more.

Sometimes image talks more than words :

- dramatic entrances, from the moment he crushed his coffin, until he interrupted Obito and Naruto. Couldn't he just walk into the fight like everyone else ? Clearly no.

Flexing muscles for absolutely zero reasons related to Tsukuyomi plan because... hum, why not?

don't you see Mars in Leo now?🥲

Lion King vibes😂

♃ Jupiter : Infinite Expansion – House of wisdom

♌ Leo

Known as the biggest planet of solar system, eleven time bigger that earth. Its massive gravitational mass coupled with its intense magnetic field attract other celestial bodies to itself. Jupiter is associated in astrology with magnificence, excess, spiritual teacher, higher knowledges, wisdom, road of honours .

Jupiter expands generously everything it touches. Since Madara is first notoriously known as a God of War. I thought it suits him to put more emphases on his extraordinary Leo's energy.

Jupiter and Mars in Leo empowered the expression of self in battlefield. When two planets are close to each other, it's called a conjunction. the closer the conjunction the stronger both planets mix their energy together.

That's how from the King of attention, Mars conjunct Jupiter makes him the new Sage of 6 Paths an overpowered and megalomaniac Guru. Intense desire to be admired and feared. But as well having a childish fun sparring with powerful shinobis.

☿ Mercure : Intellect – Communication

♑ Capricorn

Retrograde

Mercury is about your way to analyse information, explain it. It's factual and fast processing.

To be honest with you I wanted to put mercury in aquarius. But I respect Kishimoto canon Madara is born 24th of december so in the first degree of capricorn, plus mercury never goes further than 25 degrees away from the sun. My choice was then between Capricorn or Sagittarius.

Wake up to reality? hmm...

Mercury in Capricorn seems the most logical way with the choice I got. Madara is taciturn most of the time, He thinks rationally, organises carefuly his next move. His speech is quite dry, efficient without frills. His thoughts had matured for ages like an old wine, in some brilliant moment, it make any of his talk deep and thoughtful. When he deigns share it, they have a lot of multidimensional undertones, his ascetic life gave him a desperate philosophy of life who is not wrong per say but unbalanced. Life is both shadow and light, but at this moment of his existence, he can only perceive the fatalist side.

I add a mercury retrograde which further the introspective aspect and can be a comic relief in him. Madara is often misunderstood, in his intention, and even in his linguistic skills. He got as well an archaic way of speaking.

♀ Venus : Attraction – Seduction

♒Aquarius

If Moon was the woman in her Motherly side, Venus is the Woman as the Seductress, the idealistic embodiment of Beauty. Goddess of Love. It's as well the lust, a magnetic and carnal desire for pleasure who can be out of control.

It's difficult to grasp what Madara is attracted to since he never showed any romantic attraction to anyone. So I'm going to hold on two things : His desire to achieve his dream and his friendship to Hashirama.

In both, I see in common an attraction to utopia. His crazy desire to reach for the moon and obtain a unified perfect world without darkness, It sounds noble conceptually. In a same manner, what attracts him to befriend Hashirama was the same dream he thought they shared. For him to feel connected to someone else, they need to share a common vision. And in a way that's Venus in Aquarius. More attached to the concept of universal happiness. It's something very abstracted and philosophical. But in in the dark side, Aquarius is also known for his God's complex .

Madara's only hobbies knows from databook is falconry. Does he imagine some kind of freedom in the bird of prey's flight ? Something gliding high above humankind ?

« I want peace, but I also want war » can be his motto. A dream of idealistic Peace for all (Venus in Aquarius) but with the egocentric action of a tyrant (Mars/Jupiter in Leo). And I think that's sum up beautifully Madara's paradox.

when you got a great idea but it backfired😬

♄ Saturne : Restriction – Time - Enlightenment

♐Sagittarius

Last planet that you can observe with a naked eye, associated with old age, last frontier before death. Saturn is also called the Great Maleficent, an energy usually fear but actually who gives healthy limits and teaches you resilience through hardships. When mastered Saturn is about deep mental refinement.

At first, the optimistic sign of Sagittarius and the dry Saturn seems to not being a good mix. Instead of a passionate adventurer, Saturn tone down its explosive side. Not taming it completely, but adding structure in its original wild nature. Here come the Judge, the dogmatic cleric using the fire of faith to dictate the rule. I saw this in Madara specially in his Rikudo phase when he is thrilled by his own immortality. but also in his old age while talking to Obito. He is the strict daddy teacher who doesn't let you having fun and reminds you how life is hard and how time is passing and you gonna die anyway...

Saturn accentuates conservatism in everything it touches. It puts limitations, difficulties and confronts you with your fears. In Madara's life Saturn is his limitation in his search of higher wisdom. He had been told that power can protect your family, it wasn't the case. Hashirama proposed him to collaborate to his vision of Peace, it ends up being a source of disappointment. He studied the old sources talking about shinobi's origin but find « despair » when he realised everything was the same cycle of violence back from Kaguya's time. His belief's system is always challenged. In real life, people with this tendency ends up either strongly atheist or great spiritual master, no in-between.

After feeling reject from Konoha, his own clan, and ultimately betrayed by Hashirama, he died to the material world. Escaping in research of deep introversion is closely connected to Saturn. At its finest, Saturn is the Monk who finds a mystical experience within himself. Madara reached, in a way, a bitter illumination in the depths of earth.

And if you want to read more about my Madara’s analysis @kosmickash went deeper into analysing Madara's houses placement and Izuna's birthchart based on this headcanon. Enjoy

[lovelyiida2]

MHA BOYS AS SCENARIOS I THOUGHT OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD—

PART 1 • PART 2

INCLUDES: KIRISHIMA, DENKI, SERO, AND TOKOYAMI

WARNINGS: major fucking fluff, blood, vulgar language

WORDS: 2.1k

—EJIRO KIRISHIMA

Kirishima doesn’t like to admit it, but he uses his quirk to cook.

Like almost all the time, so all the time.

His actions heavily irritate you because of how unsanitary it is, but he doesn’t care.

As long as he’s cooking a good come cooked meal with his girl, a crashing asteroid could come through the front door and he’d still be chopping it up unbothered.

“Okay—for the next step we need a nice pile of diced tomatoes and yellow onion.”

“Got it!”

Recently, to try and make traditions in your new apartment with your loving boyfriend. You two decided to get into making some good home cooked meals, it’s good to have a nice diner and most importantly spend time together as a brand new couple.

What’s nothing better than a good meal made with your loved ones right?

Currently, you’re on reading duty whilst Kirishima is doing all the heavy machinery—which means he will be doing all the slicing and dicing.

To come to your loving boyfriends aid, you thought it’d be a kind gesture to grab a knife from the drawer. With a bright smile you turn towards him, looking down at his hands that once loving smile dropped.

“Ejiro Kirishima!” You exclaim, irritation heavy in your tone.

“Didn’t you just come home from patrolling hm?” You ask in a warm and loving tone, which Kirishima knew it was exactly the opposite. Condescending, even.

“Yeah, but I know how much you love my manly musk!” His pointy smile shines through as his flexes his muscles.

“Oh honey, I really do love your scent after work. I think it’s very manly and sexy…” your voice trails as you come closer to him, wrapping your hands around his neck you smile.

“Really?” He taunts, you nod your head. Eyes hooded, Kirishima leans in for a kiss. Instead of reciprocating his gesture, you put your index finger against his soft lips.

“But there’s one thing I can’t find sexy at all, those nasty ass hands chopping our good fucking produce!” You push him away unexpectedly making him scoff.

“What? C’mon babe! My hands are sharper and it’ll be quicker. You know I don’t know how to cut with a knife and you’re literally using that against me, not manly.”

“Fuck you and your manly!” You chuckle, trying to stay mad at him. Flipping you off he continues to chop the tomatoes.

Scoffing at his disobedience, you smack his very sharp hand.

“Ah!”

You should’ve known better when you looked down at your hand. Blood quickly dripping from your hand and onto the floor, a cut emerges from your once soft skin.

Well, yes, you’ve touched your bare hands on Kirishima’s skin with his quirk was activated, and it’s sharp. But it was never this sharp.

Kirishima quickly snaps his hand away from yours, eyes widening in shock at the sight before him. “Babe!” He screams, retracting his quirk back to his soft fleshy hands, he comes to your aid.

Too in shock to really feel pain or even cry, you breathe jagged breaths. Looking at the long cut on your palm, you’re at a stand still.

“I’m—um I’m cut” you softly spoke. Kirishima grabs you by your arms and rushes you to the bathroom. Lifting you up onto the bathroom counter, he frantically looks for the first aid kit.

After some painful screams in pain from peroxide, and some cleansing boo-boo kisses. Your hand was bandaged and better than ever. The both of you were very lucky it was able to be treated at home. If you put any more pressure on that slap it would’ve sent you to the ER.

Walking back to the kitchen you grab the instructions. About to read off the paper, your stop and look at Kirishima.

Seeing the way he eyed your hand, the tomato, and the dried blood on the floor. Made frown, you could tell the Kirishima was beating himself up for what happened.

Setting the paper down you come to his side, your un-cut hands slips into his as you rest your head on his shoulder.

“You know that what just happened was completely my fault. Don’t beat yourself up about something you couldn’t control.” Wrapping your arms around his waist you pull him into a tight embrace.

“It’s just—I don’t wanna hurt you” hesitant at first, his arms waver in place not touching your body, but soon he relaxes into your touch.

Letting go you smirk, “Well who cares about this fancy ass meal anyways? There’s nothing better than some takeout!” You chuckle. He smiles back, showing those sharp teeth you love so much.

“Kay!” He exclaims, you laugh at his childish like remark.

“Kay.”

—DENKI KAMINARI

Game night with your crush was supposed to be fun and eventful.

Being able to spend time with your crush shouldn’t be this damn stressful.

“You’re literally supposed to get the key to go into the purple room, you literal dipshit!”

“I’m literally fucking trying L/n!”

You and Denki decided to have a game night since no one else wanted to tag along with you guys. The both you conjured your enough money to go to a local scarce café and rent a private room.

Thank god the both of you did because the way you’re screaming each other’s head off would be a large distraction.

You should’ve known better when you let Denki rent a game it’d be a horror one. With your heartbeat high and with the tense energy in the air, you don’t think you’re gonna last until the chicken wings get here.

Not enough to mention, you have a huge crush on Denki. You thought if you spent time with him it would draw you closer, but it’s sad because you feel he’s feeling the opposite…

“Denki’s favorite place to go is the café, we go there all the time on weekends. We should all go!” Mina says.

Looking at Denki you nod, you’ll go if he’s going.

Mina, you third wheel no-show…

“Turn left, then go down stairs then through the wall—then after that we’re supposed to–“

You were attempting to coach Denki as he was the one actually playing the game, you were too scared of the pressure and the actual game itself.

But a large shadow like creature emerges from the pov of the main character, sending a jump scare through the game. Which caused the both of you to scream for bloody murder.

You didn’t realize you were leaning forward when you were talking to him in the first place. So due to the jump scare, your body flew into his on command.

With a loud thump you open your eyes to see yourself on top of your crush Denki. Heat quickly rises to your face as you stammer in embarrassment.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry!–“

“L/n, I like you”

Well that caught you off guard.

“Well I like you too Denki…”

Happy at your response he pauses the game and brings your hips against his. You lean in for a kiss until you hear the jiggle of a door knob.

“I’ve got your fresh hot wings here–“

Screaming in embarrassment the server slams the door, leaving the wings outside on the floor.

Let’s say you and Denki were banned for a month.

—SERO HANTA

Every weekend the both of you spend time and one another’s dorm and just do some out of the box art shit.

And for today’s art piece, he wanted to draw you.

“Hey I have an idea, let’s paint each other the way we see each other!” You exclam. Paint brush in hands and a marker surprisingly being held by your foot.

Sero nods and takes out a newer, bigger sheet of paper. Sero was nervous he was going to draw you ugly, but you couldn’t care less. As long as you were spending time with him you were happy.

You wanted to be funny, so you decided to draw a large roll of yellow tape with his eyes on it. Laughing to yourself you began your work.

You and Sero have been a thing for a about a thing now, and to say that Sero wasn’t head over heels for you was an understatement.

He sometimes felt like an underdog compared to the other hero’s in training. Felt as if he’d never amount to anything than some hero who does all the boring stuff.

Like “hey you! Let go of that lady’s purse!”

Or “hey you! No running by the street” type of hero.

But when he’s with you, he feels like he’s gonna become the number one hero. The way you look at him when he’s training, to the way you complement him.

Sero wasn’t the best at art, besides tape origami. Sero only knew how to paint a flower or two. He wanted to make sure his painting meant something!

So he did what me knew best.

“Sero are you done?” You giggle to yourself thinking about his future reaction. He nods and smiles, a tad nervous for what you’re about to see.

“Just promise me when you see this, things won’t get awkward…” Sero says, you nod in agreement.

The both of you hold up your piece of artwork showing the back on the paper so that it wouldn’t be visible.

The both of you count down from three and flip your papers around. You yell in excitement ready for his reaction, but he wasn’t looking at the paper, he was looking at you.

You look down to see Sero’s artwork and softly gasp.

“I LOVE YOU” painted in his favorite color.

Nothing else was on the paper but those words. Too excited to have a genuine thought out reaction you launch yourself into him and collide your lips with his.

Pulling away from the kiss you stay on top of Sero as he looks at you. His eyes filled with pure love and kindness, he chuckles at your reaction.

“Sero I love it, the painting. Of course I love you too!” You chuckle.

“Just promise you won’t leave my side, I don’t know what I’ll be able to do without you…” Sero caresses your cheek and you lean into his touch, you reach down to hold his other open hand and smile.

His hands, you got an idea.

Pulling away from him you hold his hand out and paint his hand his favorite color and you do the same with yours. “Here, as a marking of our love, we can have our hand prints on it.”

The both of you press down on the paper, smiling at the results.

Who knew more than a decade later, three tiny hand prints and a paw print would join the painting.

—TOKOYAMI FUMIKAGE

The rest of the class really does not know how the both of you are together. The both of you are polar opponents!

He’s the type to listen to Mother Mother, or Skipknot. Whilst you were a more Clairo and Keshi type of person.

But somehow, it just works!

“What’s your favorite holiday?”

“Halloween”

“Oh well, I love Christmas…”

You and Tokoyami decided to do a little couples Q&A so that the both of you could bond more. And let’s say the both of you now have it confirmed that the both of you are total opposites.

You grew up in a home, he grew up in an apartment. You liked the sun, he like the rain. Your favorite colors blue? He loves black.

There were just no other comparisons you both had. You the both of you even meant to be?

“Okay um…favorite trivia game?” You asked. Tokoyami takes the magazine out of your hand and tosses it to the side.

“How about we come up with our own answers instead of some teen magazine?” You nod, humming in agreement.

“Favorite food?” He asks.

“Pizza!” You smile, he nods in agreement. You can’t go wrong with pizza really.

“Um favorite movie ever?”

“I really love (your favorite horror movie)” you say proudly, Tokoyami gasps. “Y-you like that movie too? I didn’t think you would be into those types of movies…”

“Well there’s a lot you don’t know about me pretty bird” you playfully tap his beak, chuckling at his embarrassed reaction.

“My favorite part is when–“

“The main character becomes possessed by the ghost and sees its whole back story understanding the true pain they have caused it and they leave the haunted house leaving their friends for dead!” He says a little too excitedly.

“Yeah, that’s it!” You laugh.

Ever since then, the both of you have been trying to get each other more. Dabbling into each other’s interest one toe at a time, it was fun and it felt like you were actually connecting.

Next thing you knew, the both of you and a mixed playlist together, called “Yin and Yang <3”

At first you didn’t think it was gonna work out, but remind yourself that opposites attract.

I’d probably say my favorite one to write was Sero’s, I love me a little fluff. Also thank you guys for all the support!

[sagabrielle]

A Short Stop on a Cold Planet (Captain Rex x Reader)

Part One

Warnings: None this time, I think.

In which Rex eats gas station food and has a lil crush. as all people in their late twenties do. :(

So, the trip would be longer than he intended. Rex really only came to realize this as he observed the holomap, and relooked over the data he had been sent by his brothers, and came to the conclusion that the path he had chosen was not safe. He would have to backtrack. Refuel on Vandor, skirt out and around Eadu, and then make way for Lothal. All while trying to evade the numerous Imperial ships that seemingly lurked behind every asteroid, moon, and sun. 

    Vandor, for being the way that it was, wasn’t as unpleasant as Rex had been expecting. It was cold and mostly uninhabited, but he almost liked it that way. The small village he had set course for was as far away from any Imperial outpost as he could find. Rex was still cautious of the stray probe droid, and the occasional TIE fighter whirring past overhead. The people that did live there were simple farmers, mechanics, and those who worked local mining facilities, and while he knew better than to associate with any of them, there was a sense of trust. There was no valid reasoning for this trust he placed in the people, it was merely based on a gut feeling. It was the intuition he had functioned on during the Clone Wars, that had made him diplomatic enough to be named Captain. With the Empire, though, he was no longer entirely sure if he could trust that feeling. The need to have faith. 

Wrapped in his thermal coat, he opened the hanger, peering over his shoulder one last time to make sure (Y/N) was still fast asleep and departed. She would be safer on the ship. The fewer people who knew her face the better, so he had told her he was heading out for a refuel and she had quickly crashed on one of the uncomfortable cockpit chairs.

The docking station was small—it had to be unassuming if the village was to avoid unwanted Imperial activity. These people didn't want nor need the Empire digging around in its business, and Rex knew better than to stay long, for the Empire was surely activity tracking him now. Months spent harassing the government will surely put a target on your back.

The man, who was a short and burly-looking human, stood in a small shack by the docking bay. Droids scattered about as Rex made his way to the mechanic, and he was sure to keep his face hidden within the confines of his scarves. It was easy to stay hidden on cold planets, no one suspected a person with their face completely covered. He was grateful for that, given that he shared a face with a million other people.

"Just a refuel, sir," Rex said. It warranted no response other than a short nod and the droids were off. It wouldn't take long if the mechanic was worth the credits he asked for.

Credits. Those were thinning out, and every time Rex had to spend them on food or ship repairs he was made aware of just how difficult the life he had taken up was. He could have been a farmer. Working a nice field of crops, unbothered, safe as he could be. But that was much too easy and Rex had never been fond of doing things the simple way.

Rex leaned up against the wall of the shack, trying to focus through the swirling, snow-ridden wind on the droids as they tinkered on his ship. It wasn't that he disliked droids, but he longed for the days when it had been his brothers fixing up the ships, scattered about the hangar bay, laughing and oblivious to the fate that would soon befall them. It was so peaceful then, and he hadn't even known it. But now he stands on Vandor, a woman he barely knew on the ship he had essentially stolen, and on the run from the Empire. The separatists. When he had thought of the end of the war a mere year ago he never fathomed that it would be like what he was served. 

He was tired, his eyes felt heavy even as he basked in the blistering cold. Thankfully, the mechanic was truly efficient and the ship was refueled quickly enough. Rex was given a send-off, and without much hesitation, he was out of the docking bay. (Y/N), curled in a way that seemed astoundingly uncomfortable, was also obviously tired. There was no feasible way that either of them was going to get the rest they desperately needed if they didn't find beds. Real beds. In a hostel, or in a damn back alley on a discarded mattress—it was starting to not matter to Rex.

Vandor, fortunately, was wide and sparsely populated, rendering hiding for a night rather easy. Rex tracked a hostel in a village wedged between two jarringly high mountains whose cliffs were sheer and intimidating. There was no reason for the Empire to be in such a place. So he hid his ship, secluded in its place of snow and trees, and hoped for the best.

"You're taking the blasters, right?" (Y/N) had asked as she shrugged on the coat Rex had dug out for her. It was much too large for her, and he wondered who it was originally stitched for. A Lasat? 

"Wouldn't go anywhere without em'," Rex said, and almost to prove his point, secured the weapons in their holsters.

She had seemed unconvinced at the prospect of staying the night. Understandably, she was worried, fearful of the Empire as anyone else. She had taken the wrap from around her head and pulled it to wrap around the lower half of her face. It brought even more attention to her eyes and Rex made a concerted effort not to stare. There was something striking about her, and Rex couldn't put his finger on it. No time for that anyway.

"You don't have to worry," Rex said, "I won't let anything happen to you." 

It came out softer than he had intended and the Captain was quick to pull his gaze away from hers. It was true, though. He would protect her—it was what he did for every civilian. That was his job after all, or at least it had been. Many things had changed but his willingness to help people had not, no matter who they were. It didn't sound that way though and he was stunningly and embarrassingly aware of that.

"I trust you, it's other people I am...weary of," (Y/N) said so bluntly and it did nothing to help. He really hadn't done much to earn her trust. Yes, he had killed Mydin, but that was no reason for her to have faith in him. They didn't know each other, it had been maybe a standard day and a half of knowing each other. It was the same intuition that made Rex trust the people of the Vandorian village, he wanted to believe people were good and therefore deserved better. He had an intuition that (Y/N) was just that: good and in need of something so much better than what she had. So he gave the benefit of the doubt and placed his trust in her, and maybe she had done the same with him.

"It's just a night, then we go early in the morning. We both need sleep and this ship isn't exactly the most comfortable," he said, and while he knew it didn't settle her nerves, she seemed to agree with him. Slumping a bag over his good shoulder he led them from the ship, which he made sure was sealed and locked, and made way into the village. 

The hostel, for being in the slummy part of town surrounded by abandoned buildings and a rather gruesome-looking butcher to the next of it, was alright. Rex had the keys shoved into his hand by a Mirialan man and had been gruffly informed that his room was the last at the end of the hall on the left. The room itself wasn't very spacious, but it was clean looking and bigger than the ship so Rex figured himself lucky and settled with what he had. There was a sofa to one side, and the bed, which was large, was crammed into the corner on the opposite side. Light poured in from the window above the bed, and it reminded him of his bunk back on Kamino and rapidly he felt himself grow tired all over again.

"You take the bed," he said, his voice audibly hoarse and worn. (Y/N) paused, turning from her position in front of him to peer at him, eyes slit. Rex noted that she did this often. It was the damn eyes. 

"Are you sure? You paid for the room, shouldn't you—" she trailed off, gesturing to the bed which admittedly looked very inviting. Rex waved a hand.

"I've slept on bunks my whole life," he said, letting the bag drop to the floor with a dull thud, "I'm used to it." 

If anything, the compactness of the sofa was familiar, and he had hope that he would be able to sleep without a nightmare.

"And I've slept on the floor," she said, and her voice was so much more pleasant than his own, Rex thought, even as she said something so blunt. Something that called back to her hardships, her life as a slave. He struggled to understand why he was becoming enamored with her and wanted desperately not to, but she was endearing in a strange way. And Rex was a man longing for something he never thought he would have. 

"Then all the more reason," he said, lips curled into a thin smile. She had never experienced a bed. Rex really couldn't fathom that, and so he tried not to dwell on the harsh reality that couldn't be changed and threw himself onto the sofa. He was surprised his bones didn't make an actual creaking sound as he relaxed into the stiff cushions, his body tense and sore in places he didn't think could tense up. 

He listened to the quiet shuffling footsteps as the lady before him sat on the bed, the sheets ruffling underneath her weight. There was a long silence, and Rex thought through closed eyes that maybe she had fallen asleep too.

"Where did you grow up?" She asked sweetly. Rex was jarred for a moment. He had long since grown accustomed to people sneering at him—a clone. Everyone knew their face, their purpose. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised, but it was an entirely different feeling to have someone know absolutely nothing about him.

"Kamino," he said, eyes half-lidded as he focused his gaze on the ceiling. It was an ugly little room. "It's a water planet. Mid-Rim." Rex froze when he heard her airy laugh.

"You don't look like a water species," she said, and Rex turned to look at her. She laid on her side, a hand propping her head up. Rex had seen pretty women before, admired them, wanted more. But (Y/N) was not a simple matter of good looks. She was beautiful, but there was an air to her being and Rex wanted to understand it. If nothing else but to move on from it because she was destined to live on Lothal and he would likely never see her again. Rex let out a rough laugh.

"Do you know anything about the war?" He asked, careful not to sound condescending. 

"Between the Republic and the Separatists?" 

"Yes, and the Republic had an army of cloned men?" 

"You're a clone?" She asked as wonder took its place on her features. She didn't ogle him, but Rex could visibly see the questions that wanted to pour from her lips and he didn't mind it.

"One of the millions. We lived in the cloning facility on Kamino. We were cloned from a human, that's why I look like this," he said, and he couldn't tell if the rolling of his stomach was from hunger or something else related to the conversation at hand.

He could eat. Rex hadn't eaten a proper meal in days and the typical gnawing of his stomach was becoming particularly annoying. Not to mention that it made getting relaxed enough to sleep near impossible.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, not completely sad that the discussion of his upbringing ended. He would tell her if she asked, but the past still caused an ache in the Captain's chest and he would prefer to ignore it.

(Y/N) seemingly had to think about this for a moment before giving a soft shake of her head. Rex could find food for himself, though he would be sure to avoid the butcher, having not liked the look of it. Food then sleep. Maker, he wanted to sleep. He would have to feed himself to get any proper rest so he begrudgingly slipped his coat back on, and made for the door.

"Stay here, I'll be back in a tick," he said and tried to ignore the look of hesitation on her face. He wondered how many times she had truly been alone in her life. Probably not many, by the looks of it. He paused before slipping the viroblade from the makeshift sheath on the belt of his trousers. A few steps forward and Rex was standing in front of where (Y/N) sat. Holding the blade, the clone offered her the grip of the weapon.

"If it makes you feel safer," he offered, his voice once again too soft for his own liking. She took the blade and held it as if she had held hundreds of them in her life, and Rex didn't doubt that she had. With a look of telling affirmation, Rex left her with the knife in hand, tucked safely away in their room.

There was an indoor market, thankfully. It was small, and only a few people bustled around inside, but that was better than nothing. Food on Vandor wasn't the best, nor the most appetizing. Most of it was slimy and gamey. But food was food, and despite the outward appearance of it, Rex's stomach growled at the promise of something to fill the void in his gut. 

It was better to not know what type of meat it was he was consuming, so Rex had chosen the healthiest looking option and went with that. It was surprisingly cheap, which on one hand was well and good, but on the other, it served to make him cautious. 

It was on his way back to the hostel that trouble inevitably caught back up to the Clone Captain.

The Mirialan man who had loaned him the room made a harsh click with his dull teeth as Rex stepped through the metal door. Rex cocked his head up, meeting the stare of the older man. The Mirialan motioned him over and Rex genuinely contemplated ignoring him and returning to (Y/N) as soon as he could. But there was a sinking feeling in his chest and his conscience told him to listen. Listen. 

Rex hummed an acknowledgment as he approached the table that the man sat at. The clanging of a transmitter echoed against the empty walls of the room, the man lighting up the device wordlessly.

The image, as Rex expected, projected the likeness of himself the Empire had been using for weeks on his Wanted Transmission. Still, he was taken aback that he had been recognized. It was safe to assume that the mechanic had been the one to report the sighting of his ship, which was documented along with his CT number. He would have to leave. And possibly stun the piss out of this man. 

He watched as the image of himself changed to that of (Y/N). A probe droid transmission, and one that had been taken presumably back on Nal Hutta. Now the Empire was seeking her out actively. She had undoubtedly been deemed an accomplice of his. Guilt surged through Rex's body. 

"Go," the Mirialan spoke in a voice so hushed Rex almost didn't hear it. "Now. They are coming." The Vandorian accent was thick but he understood well enough. 

Pressing the button, cool against warming fingertips, the door to the room slid open. (Y/N) was asleep, naturally. Sprawled belly down on the bed, the knife still gripped in her hand, she seemed peaceful. A genuinely good sleep, and on a bed. Rex had to wake her and ruin it. It was that, though, or risk getting arrested and executed.

He was silent as he gathered his bag once again, and triple-checked that his blasters were secure in their place. He had been too optimistic, too trusting. The state of the Galaxy forced everyone to fend for themselves and no one else, and it was a damn near miracle that the Mirialan hadn’t been seeking credits. Nor accreditation from the tyrannical government. Rex knew better than to linger any longer than they already had, and so with timidness, he shook the sleeping woman gently awake. 

She awoke with a slight start and when her gaze landed upon the man before her she seemed to calm a bit. The hand he had placed on her forearm was slow to retreat, and so he noticed the tenseness in her muscles. There was a visible tightening of her grip on the blade she still held, but upon breaking through the haze of sleep she let out a hum. Rex assumed it was one of relief because she lazily turned to her side as if knowing that it was time to go. 

It was a strange thing, what Rex felt his stomach do then. It turned on itself and he found it hard to swallow, his throat overcome with a hard, unmoving lump. It was jarring in the sense that the Captain had never experienced anything quite like it before. It was a foreign feeling, but he was neither a fool in the sense of attraction or of common sense. (Y/N) had a lovely face and there was a sweet and kind sort of way about things with her and Rex knew that he was becoming attached. It was dangerous and foolish, and outright doomed. And yet, as she handed him back his blade with a sincere smile on her mouth, Rex found himself longing for a larger ship. A large ship to hold more than one person so that maybe, the clone wouldn’t be so lonely.

“We need to go,” Rex said slowly, as if not wanting to speak the words. His hand shifted down her arm, careful not to overstep a boundary as his bare hand slid down her warm skin. She leaned up, and Rex assisted her in standing. 

“The Empire?” These were the only words she spoke, and he nodded. It was always going to be them. Ever present and adamant to execute anyone that stood in their way of complete control. And now (Y/N) was one of those people. A fugitive.

"They are looking for us," Rex said and helped the woman to slip back into her coat. "You too." 

She didn't seem bothered by this, for a reason the clone wasn't really sure of. He thought she would have been scared or frustrated but she appeared to be neither. Excepting, even. 

"They will be—" Rex struggled to think of the correct wording, "hunting you now." There was no nice way to put it. There was a target on her back now, and no rural town would be a sufficient hiding place. Typically there was only one lifestyle a wanted criminal could have: a nomadic one. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to get dragged into this," Rex said in a huff. He genuinely hadn't. 

"Well," (Y/N) said, trying not to sound forcefully optimistic, "I always did want to travel." 

Rex could feel his jaw tighten.

"Consider your wish granted, then."

///

Tags (I will add if you ask): @darwindrawz @pinkiemme

[heartsofbeskar]

from the ashes

chapter four | read on AO3

din djarin x oc

WARNINGS: potential mild self harm, swearing

WORDS: 2.1K

EXCERPT: Her anger seethed beneath her skin like an ocean, and he could feel the waves crashing just below the surface when he stood next to her. He couldn’t blame her. He was waiting for her to crash her emotions down on him at any moment, because Din knew he was the one who’d convinced her to take this job, and therefore an easy target for them. But, to her credit, she at least kept them contained to her own body.

He knew too well what it was to lose people that he’d put in danger in the first place.

MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST

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Her mind was numb as she picked up Jula’s stiff body, ignoring the Mandalorian’s offers for help, and carried her towards the garden she knew Jula kept around the back.

Sweet, innocent, Jula, who tended to her ships and her vegetables, and hesitated to even spray her homemade pesticide with the knowledge of the insects it would kill. The galaxy was a cruel bitch to take someone like her, especially like this.

Ten found a flowerbed between some groupings of her herbs, and gently laid the small girl down on top of them. With her eyes closed and a woolen blanket covering her chest, she really did appear to be asleep. At peace. She wished she could bury the girl, but they didn’t have the tools or the time to spare.

She swore, turning around to the nearby tree and slamming her fists into it. She felt the rough bark split open her skin, and rubbed her hands in harder, deepening.

“She was your friend?” A deep voice came from the building entryway. She didn’t know how long he’d stood there silently.

“She deserved to live way more than you or I do.” Ten removed her hands from the tree, flexing them in front of her. Some beads of blood had smeared on her fingers. Looking at the Mandalorian, he nodded mutely.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

She scoffed, moving past him and heading back towards the ship. “You think it was a coincidence someone shot her in the chest after we took this job? After I called her for repairs? This was fucking Imps. An execution.”

He followed her back into the hangar. “She’s been dead for hours. This was planned; there was nothing you could have done.”

“I could’ve let her live here in peace and not be involved with me,” she said, beginning to rifle through the organized crates of parts. The ship was still going to need repairs, after all. “You know what this means, right?”

As she began to separate out parts she knew she needed, he stayed silent. Ten rolled her eyes.

“Do you trust Karga?” she asked, stopping and turning to face him.

“I do.”

“Then there’s a rat in his circle. Someone knows about this job and about me and about my damn mechanic, and I’d be willing to bet it’s one of the job financiers. This is a warning.”

“Could someone have bugged the ship?”

She shook her head. “Possible, but not likely, I have proximity alarms.”

“If it’s a warning…” his modulated voice trailed off. “We need to move quickly.”

“No,” she said, still shaking her head. “No, they have all the information we do, if we go after the informants, they’ll get to them first.”

“Do you have a better idea, then?” he pressed, shifting his feet slightly. She moved her eyes to stare into his visor.

“What else do you do with a rat? We flush it out.”

—

They spent the better half of the afternoon combing the ship for bugs and then, when they found none as Ten had expected, loading the parts she said they needed into the main hold.

Part of Din — likely the part that was remembering Kuiil and Grogu and the people he’d tried to protect — felt guilty for pillaging this poor dead girl’s shop. But a more logical part of him knew they needed it, and the girl wasn’t around to use the parts anymore anyways.

He could see Ten was trying to act unbothered by the whole thing, but she was failing miserably. Her anger seethed beneath her skin like an ocean, and he could feel the waves crashing just below the surface when he stood next to her. He couldn’t blame her. He was waiting for her to crash her emotions down on him at any moment, because Din knew he was the one who’d convinced her to take this job, and therefore an easy target for them. But, to her credit, she at least kept them contained to her own body.

He knew too well what it was to lose people that he’d put in danger in the first place.

They both knew they were on borrowed time on this planet. Imperials had been here, not long ago, and knew they were coming. Even if they had just intended to scare them off by murdering the mechanic, staying there would be stupid.

“We need somewhere close by where I can attempt the repairs,” she said, once they’d loaded the ship and sat in the cockpit. “Unpopulated would be best.”

Her mismatched eyes scanned the chart displayed between them. Din made himself refocus.

“Looks like there’s a small belt of asteroids a couple hours from here,” he said, pointing. “Can we make it there? The caverns would shield us from surface scans.”

“As good a shithole as any other,” was all she said before locking it in and sending them into hyperspace. She didn’t look back once at the planet where they’d laid her friend to rest in the small back garden. Din found he couldn’t help but ask.

“She was your friend, wasn’t she?”

Ten sighed, and he could see her jaw clench. He regretted asking, and was glad when he thought she wasn’t going to answer.

“Her father built this ship. She took over his shop when he got sick.” She leaned back in the pilot seat, crossing her arms. “I should never have gone back after he died.”

She said nothing more, and Din didn’t ask further. For the first time since boarding the Ursa, he pulled out the small metal sphere from his belt, his fingers slowly rolling it back and forth.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there in silence before he looked at Ten again. He was surprised to see her eyes were closed now, hands resting on her thighs. Her breathing was even, but her back was straight, and Din couldn’t tell if she was asleep. His gaze returned to her hands. They were thin, nimble, he was sure they had to be to handle the knives she seemed to covet so much. Scars littered them, zagging in all directions, creating a web over her hands. He looked back to her face.

“Can I help you?” she asked suddenly. Her eyes were still closed, her head facing forward.

“Pardon?”

“You’re staring at me.”

How the fuck did she know that? “I thought you were asleep.”

She still kept her eyes closed. “I’m meditating. Ever heard of it?”

“I wouldn’t have taken you to be the type.”

“Because you know me so well.”

“You seem to think you know me.”

Her eyes finally opened at this, sliding over to him. For a moment, Din thought he felt his chest tighten and his breathing shallow, as if someone was stepping on him. But she looked away and it stopped, and he couldn’t be sure he hadn’t imagined it.

She studied him for a moment. “Prove me wrong, then, Mandalorian.”

He rolled his eyes, standing to leave the cockpit. “You can call me Mando.”

—

“Shit!” she exclaimed, banging her fist against the metal looming above her. The sound reverberated through the floor of the ship. They’d been on the asteroid a little over a day, she estimated, and Ten had spent most of that time underneath the Ursa, trying to fix its botched landing systems.

She didn’t have much to show for it, however.

A sense of frustration was beginning to settle in the bones of her body. Her exposed skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat and oil and Maker knew what else. And Ten knew the wall of exhaustion was creeping up on her as well. If they didn’t get off this damn asteroid soon, she was going to have a serious problem.

“Not going well?” a modulated voice came from the direction of her feet where they stuck out from underneath the ship.

“What do you think?” she replied, gritting her teeth. “I never said I was a damn mechanic.”

“What do you think the problem is?”

“Well if I knew that, I could probably have it fixed by now,” she snapped, that frustration wrapping even tighter in her insides. It was somewhat unlucky for the Mandalorian that he just happened to be the only one here to take out her emotions on.

As she reached for a new tool, she suddenly felt pressure on her ankle. Before she could react, it pulled, yanking her in one fluid motion out from under the Ursa. She glared up into the visor which was now in front of her.

“You’re damn lucky it’s just the two of us on this rock, or I would stab you in the neck,” she seethed. His gloved hand remained tight on her ankle.

“When was the last time you slept?” he asked, voice even. Damn that modulator.

“You’re concerned about my beauty sleep now?”

He sighed, tightening his grip. “When was it?” Ten thought maybe she heard a hint of anger creeping into the baritone. Maybe.

“I don’t know, Mando, maybe … I think a couple of hours after we left Nevarro.” She tried to act nonchalant, but she knew her body was not pleased. But she had done worse stretches than this in the past.

“You should sleep,” he said, finally releasing her ankle. He straightened to stand at full height. “I can try some repairs while you do.”

“No, Mando, it’s fine, I just need a minute,” she insisted, also standing.

“You’re not fine,” he said. “And you’re going to be less fine as time goes on. Sleep.” Obviously considering the matter closed, he began to walk away, towards some of the tools and parts she’d strewn on the rocky ground.

“I…” she struggled for words, not wanting to say it out loud, but floundering for another excuse. “I can’t sleep if I’m not in hyperspace. It doesn’t feel safe enough … So there’s no point anyway.”

He stilled but didn’t turn around, surveying the ground. She almost wondered if he hadn’t heard. She hoped he hadn’t. Finally—

“I can keep watch, if you’d like.”

She was taken aback, processing his words for longer than necessary. “What?”

“While you sleep. I can sit in the hull, keep watch, wake you if anything happens. Would that work?”

“I—” she fumbled for what to say for a moment. No one had ever offered something so … kind to her. At least, not in many years. “Maybe. I should shower first.”

He said nothing else, nodding.

In the refresher, she stripped herself of clothes, grimacing at the stickiness of her skin. The warm water wrapped around her body as it massaged her muscles. Bracing her arms against the walls of the shower, she took a moment to close her eyes. Jula’s serene face appeared on her eyelids.

Mando was in the hull when she finished, cleaning one of his blasters. He didn’t acknowledge her presence as she passed by him and got into her hammock, for which she was grateful.

She pinched the bridge of her nose as she lay there, starting up at the ship’s metal ceiling. Time stretched on in the silence between them, as it often seemed to. She felt silly, and had half a mind to tell Mando to go try repairs. She settled on distraction, instead.

“Mando?” Ten heard a responding hum from across the room. “On Nevarro … you said you never used to care. Wouldn’t have taken a job like this. What changed?”

She heard some shuffling, then a sigh. “You … were right about what you said. About bounties. I took a job for an Imp. He was offering beskar.” He paused, as if waiting for her to become enraged. But she just shut her eyes. He continued. “But the bounty they wanted … he was just a child. An infant, really. I don’t even know what they wanted him for. I couldn’t hand him over. I didn’t. That’s when it changed.”

A child. It seemed strange that was apparently the key to melt the Mandalorian beskar heart. Ten pondered it, but didn’t ask anything more. Their silence resumed, as it had before.

Darkness pulled her under all at once, and then she was asleep, with the Mandalorian’s steady presence standing guard.

[darthbecky726]

Bad Batch 1x03 Spoilers

Y’all know the drill by now

Spoilers below the cut

I can’t believe this episode is literally called Episode 3 wtf

Oh it isn’t, d+ is just wrong

Awwwww father figure!hunter!!

I love wrecker

Lol I love them so much

Their ship is so grungy

Lmao echo’s so salty abt tech not helping him

‘No critical systems’ hyperdrive immediately fails

Tech is so unbothered

Oh no the gonk!

PULL UP!!!

Lmao wrecker

Hunter immediately sets the gonk upright

Shut up tech just fix it

OOOP elephant in the room

Oh they definitely were

I love in sw when the call random planets rocks

Oh no crosshair!!

I love his accent

Ugh this slimey bitch again

I hate the early empire so much

I love how kaminoans pronounce things

Poor crosshair!! They winter soldier’d him!!

Diversity win! The empire’s new elite squad has a woman and a poc! 

Ooh massive fixing-the-falcon-on-an-asteroid vibes!

Echo where are u going

Don’t wander off

I love echo

No shit

Not what you want

Oh no his chip is starting to hurt!

Something fucking stole ur whatever

Aww she’s a child and we love her

Great, just what we need

I’m worried about wrecker

I love protective hunter!

He looks at echo and tech and they just stare at him like this is ur decision boss

She is baby

I love the music

I hope they figure out what’s wrong w wrecker

Diversity win! This new squad only has one white man! And he kinda sucks!

This is why stormtroopers are worse than clones; they’re not as well trained or capable, but there are more of them so they have power in numbers

I forget about hunter’s tracking thing

Omega is a whole child, w an outside look at their dynamic and honestly it is helping hunter and the others so much to realize that crosshair’s actions were not his own, he was being brainwashed

I love her and her optimism

I don’t really want to watch their mission to onderon

Ugh this white man is awful

Ugh they stand no chance against a sniper like crosshair

This whole thing on the random planet reminds me of that one scene in interstellar when we meet I think matt damon’s character and honestly I did not pay attention to that long ass movie

How toxic is this fucking air?

No omega, don’t 

I really would not do that, good gravy

I can’t really tell who’s who in this fight scene, its too dark

I dislike this

He’s gonna kill u all

Ugh that stupid fucking line

Not with the flamethrower! I can’t w sw and flamethrowers!

Are u gonna shoot it or not?

Oh hunter I love you

Get the fucking part, omega

I like how there’s just maglites in star wars

Lol he cannot hear u

I love him!

U didn’t notice it missing?

Yeah yeah she’s adorable but also its problematic that she thinks to do this

Ugh its the fucking inhibitor chip

I feel like every time we see tarkin his mouth gets smaller

OOOOHHHHH THAT’S THE LINE FROM ROGUE ONE

I know this is admiral rampart, but I kept expecting tarkin to call him krenic, bc wow these characters are similar

I’ve always hated kamino, but I really hate the vibe now that the clones have been brainwashed

Ok but fucking lama su(?) is like giving me big winter soldier program vibes

Fucking no!

I don't like that the bb's quarters have been sterilized like the rest of fucking kamino

I hope crosshair gets his shit together soon

What's up wrecker?

Aw he's so sweet, he made her a room!

I love wrecker!! This is so cute!!!

They should hug

I love them!! The found family!!

Ok that's done! Honestly I'm getting huge season 1 of rebels vibes, omega reminds me a lot of young Ezra interacting w the ghost crew. Loved the ending!

[dat-town]

starboy

Characters: Inseong & you

Setting: star au, astronaut au

Genre: sci-fi I guess and soft angst (if that’s a thing?)

Words: 4.6k

Summary:  He was made of stardust, soft lines and shy smiles. He held the warmth of the sun, the knowledge of the moon, the sparkle of the stars and he was ready to give it all to you.

Warnings: mentions of minor character death and ptsd

This story is a part of the Sensuous collab for SF9′s anniversary hosted by @restlessmaknae​. I’m so excited to share this with you all. It’s pretty different from what I usually write but I really liked this concept! And please give love to the other collab parts, too ♥

He used to be a collapsing star; shining beautifully in the vast darkness longer than human recollection. But the thing about everything that burns bright is that eventually they all burn out. He spent millions of years, maybe eons (he’d long lost counting) alone being the guiding light, the light that was slowly dying, inevitably fading. Just as the night is the darkest before dawn, he was the brightest before the explosion scattered the glitter pearls all over the canvas of the constellation-filled sky.

Kim Inseong brought a piece with him to Earth.

“What’s your name?” you ask of him, eyes trained on his relaxed form sitting on the edge of the clean, white hospital bed.

“I don’t know,” he tells you in a quiet, soothing voice. There’s awe between the vowels and a hint of the disappointment after a fruitless pursuit. He furrows his brows, pouty lips turning down like he doesn’t even know what he’s searching for. A name? What an intriguing phenomena.

You hum lightly and then jot down something in your notebook. He stares at the way you move your hand, his gaze follows the quick twists and turns of your wrist.

“How old are you?” you ask again, voice even and eyes gentle. You glance at the name tag by the bed, Kim Inseong, and it reminds you of the night when he was brought in, bruised, badly injured, barely breathing and the rank Mission Specialist on his uniform clearly visible.

“Time, therefore age too, is a manmade concept,” he replies in the same fashion, calm and unbothered. His eyes are now fixed on something afar just above your shoulder and you’re ready to ask the next question on the list when out of the blue you catch his stare directly on you. He looks just as curious as you are. “How old is the universe?”

The question throws you off a bit and you can’t provide more than a diplomatic answer.

“We don’t know for sure.”

Your patient nods slightly, licks his chapped lips and looks away again.

“Then I don’t know for sure either.”

Amnesia, you write down and tell him that it’s okay.

You ask him bits of questions everyday hoping that his memories would resurface from under the fog of haziness but in the end you tell him because he has every right to know about NASA, the mission, the accident…

“You almost didn’t make it back.” The others didn’t.

Maybe it’s for the better to not remember.

It has been two weeks since the sole survivor of the Venus Team woke up from coma and yet, he didn’t have any other visitor than higher-ups from his workplace. At first, you think it’s because the spaceship crashed into land halfway across the Earth where it was supposed to but even later nobody came, nobody called searching for him.

“Do you remember anyone we should call? Relatives? Friends? A girlfriend?”

“I miss the moon,” he replies and your heart aches for him, so you ask around. It turns out he’s a single child, his parents have passed away when he was young and even his emergency contact is his boss.

Only sensation-hungry reporters come all the way to the hospital asking for an exclusive interview about the failure of NASA's Venus Program. Inseong kindly declines them all. The world demands an explanation, grieving families need somebody to blame but there’s nothing more to tell: accidents happen, both humans and stars keep on falling and dying.

According to Inseong’s file in the medical database, he was born in South Korea, then moved abroad for his NASA training. You are talking with him in English even though you saw him reading a local newspaper like it’s nothing and you overheard him talking with another patient in French. He fascinates you with all his being, there’s just something ethereal about him. He seems out of place like he doesn’t entirely belong here at all and yet, he’s flesh and bones, human just like you. There’s nothing to prove otherwise. You can’t quite place it but there’s just something about him that draws you in.

He’s strangely calm for someone who has been through as much as him. He still has bruises because of the huge impact of the landing but he appears to be physically fine at first glance. You can only see the purple spots on his ribs when you accidentally catch a glimpse of him changing from one hospital wear to another. He doesn’t seem bashful about it at all but you guess it must be because he lived in a relatively small place with four other people for a long time. Or there’s that scar on his cheek barely noticeable but it didn’t heal perfectly, so it will always be a reminder of what had happened to him. But other than that, the doctors can be relieved.

However, the psychologist who was assigned to him gets worried. He says it’s not normal to be so accepting of one’s fate. That people always rebel, always question why this happened to them or suffer from the survivors’ guilt but Inseong is okay. And it should be great news but it’s still weird and Doctor Lee is concerned that the astronaut keeps it all pent up, keeps it all to himself, just like his buried memories of his past lives. What if someday something will trigger this barrier in his mind and everything will come back with full force bringing him to a mental breakdown? It breaks your heart a little.

“Aren’t you curious how you were… you know before?” you ask tentatively while sharing a dessert from your favourite place over his hospital bed. You know you shouldn’t stay but you could use a five minutes break and who are you  to say no when he pleads so nicely to help him with the cake. You know hospital food isn’t the greatest, so from time to time you bring him something from outside. He devours each one like he has never eaten anything like that before.

“That wasn’t me,” Inseong shakes his head dismissingly and he’s partly right. He is him but he’s also not, because how could he be the Kim Inseong everybody talks about if he doesn’t remember any of it? It renders you speechless, not knowing what to say but then, the young man lift his gaze to your face and there’s curiosity dripping from his gentle voice. “But you can tell me about it. You can tell me about Kim Inseong who wished to see the stars up-close and die like one.”

Your throat closes up at the implication of a part of him dying out there but maybe he’s right. It’s a miracle, everyone keeps saying, that he survived.

“I didn’t know you… him before,” you correct yourself respecting his decision of being considered his own being and clearing your throat, you sit down on the edge of his bed. “But I can tell you what I know.”

It clinks as he puts down his fork on the plate and focuses all his attention on you.

“He was born in Korea and he loved the sea. He has always been interested in astrology and after he saw the movie Apollo-13, he decided he wanted to go up into space. The NASA representative told me he even wrote it into his CV.” A small smile tugs on your lips as you remember the tall, stern man telling you this while you were waiting to see whether Inseong will be able to make it after his first surgery. He needed two more but he made it and later, he woke up from coma, too. He’s a fighter. “He was fresh out of high school when he moved to the United States to learn engineering specified in spacecrafts. He was one of the bests in his NASA training, so he was chosen to join the Venus Mission as a flight engineer. He was twenty-one, the youngest of the crew when they left three years ago.”

You have never been really interested in the NASA’s work but it was a worldwide phenomenon to send men to Venus. Everybody knew about it, everybody watched the launching of the rocket.

“What happened then?”

“It was a test to see if life is possible on Venus. It was supposed to be a year long mission plus the journey there and back and according to the NASA, it went fine. However, when they were supposed to come back, something went wrong. Rumours are about miscalculated supplies, others say asteroids, but what matters is that they couldn’t leave, so a rescue team was formed and everything seemed fine once they reunited. Then about half a year ago, we lost all communication with the team. There are some speculations that there was a supernova relatively close by and the waves of it caused the turbulence that damaged the spacecraft and sent it flying, at least towards Earth luckily. The others, they either died during that collision or the crash when you arrived.”

Even NASA couldn’t believe it when they saw the approaching nose-diving spaceship in the atmosphere of Earth. They evacuated the area of the landing place just in time and tried to make sure of the safe landing by alerting the closeby authorities like your hospital of the event. But nothing could prepare anyone seeing the burning metal monster rip through your sky.

“They died because of me,” Inseong whispers astonished just like a researcher when he finds the evidence of a hypothesis he has been looking all his career. It’s terrifying to see him jump into such conclusions based on his memories’ broken fragments.

“No, they didn’t,” you rush to protest but he doesn’t believe you. You can see it in his dark eyes, the pitchless holes leading to another sad galaxy. There’s grief and regret there beside his usual calmness. Yet, he turns towards you with a forgiving smile.

“You don’t know that.”

He’s right. You really don’t, you weren’t out there, you can’t be sure what happened. Nobody can. Still, from what you’ve learnt about Inseong, you know he wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt others.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you say and that you can be sure of. How could something so huge like this be anyone’s fault?

Inseong doesn’t say anything.

It’s been weeks and it’s certainly not the first time that when you walk past his room at night, on your way out of the hospital, you see Inseong standing by his window, staring out to the sky. You knock on the wood of the doorframe lightly to avoid startling him with your presence.

“Why are you still awake?”

The patient turns toward you slowly.

“I cannot sleep. Not at night,” he says in a quiet voice and you know he keeps his curtains shut even during daytime but his eyes are not accustomed to artificial lights either. He’s too used to dark with only the stars glimmering.

Insomnia. You’ve added it to his files.

“What are you still doing here, Miss?” he asks softly, curious even with a crooked brow.

“Extra hours,” you shrug because it’s nothing new, the bags under your eyes are only hidden by a good brand of a concealer. Normally, you’d flash him a smile and continue your walk down the hallway to get home, shower and sleep as soon as possible but there’s something keeping you there. Maybe it’s the slump in his shoulders or the look on his face that makes you ask: “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” he nods curtly and smiles a bit before looking back at the stars. It’s obvious he’s drawn to them like a moth to flames.

“Do you miss it?” you inquire because you cannot even fathom how could it feel to be back to Earth, to get used to its gravity again, to see and feel things he doesn’t even remember. All he can remember is the spaceship and the universe and he has absolutely no recollection of his life before here on Earth. It might be the trauma or the fact that the Venus Mission went on for three years. A lot of time for a failed project.

So all he knows is what it's like out there. You can only compare it to the homesickness engraved deep into your bones when you moved out from your parents’ place for university years ago. It’s not an easy process. And Inseong, sometimes you catch yourself thinking that maybe he really belongs out there.

“Every day,” he sighs and the moon reflects his sadness in a magical glory.

“How is it out there?” you inquire, not able to hold back your curiosity. How can a man be so enamoured by whatever it is like out there to disassociate the here and the present so often?

“Cold. Lonely,” he tells you simply and honest as always. You don't correct him about his team members who were there with him. By now you know it's not what he means. “But beautiful.”

It must have been truly gorgeous if he’s still yearning to go back.

“Do you maybe want to get out of here?” you ask already giddy and ready to go. You know you shouldn’t. It’s breaking the protocol but Inseong has been stable for quite some time and he hasn’t been out of the hospital. Perhaps, he should. But Inseong looks at you with an unreadable expression like he doesn’t know what to make of your suggestion. Then slowly, so slowly you’re ready to take it all back, he nods.

“Let’s go,” he stands up in his wrinkled hospital clothes.

“Uhm, I will get you some change of clothes,” you offer a bit baffled because you didn’t expect him to actually agree right away.

You take a pile of warm, casual clothes from the dressing room for nurses and go back to Inseong’s room to give them to him. He doesn’t question the lack of colours, white all over. He decides on sweatpants and a t-shirt with the hospital’s logo.

It’s a short ride, a quiet one. Inseong mostly stares out of the window, watching the scenery ride by beside us. It’s not uncomfortable or awkward though, just nice. When you arrive, the receptionist welcomes you and ‘your friend’ zealously but not as much as Inseong is based on the brightness of his eyes when he realizes where you brought him. The observatory just outside of the town is one of your favourite places to go if you need a peace of mind. So you lead him to your usual place in the projection room where the whole ceiling is covered by the endless beauty of the universe.

“Do you like it?” you turn to him who was trapped in a body of a boy who had to grow up too fast.

“It’s– it’s like home. Thank you,” he mumbles, marvelling at the close to realistic sky above. Words can’t express the look of gratitude in his eyes and it truly makes you the happiest person on Earth, to be able to make him smile. It’s the greatest wonder to have a positive impact on others’ lives.

You sit down there on wooden chairs just staring up enjoying the light breeze and the faint, calm music from the speakers. It’s the first time you’re sharing this experience with somebody, so it feels strangely intimate even though you don’t do anything more than sitting next to each other. At least for a while.

“Humans call that the Apus, the Bird of Paradise,” Inseong says out of the sudden, pointing to a bright constellation on the west. Humans, he says and you wonder what does he feel like then. An eternal soul stuck in a mortal body?

“How do you know so much?” you blurt out suddenly amazed by his knowledge he never shows off but is always there. It seems impossibly how well educated and all-knowing he is despite barely remembering anything including his own name.

“I learned it all. With time, I believe.” he answers carefully, not sure if he should but he does it anyway while watching your reaction closely.

“That takes a lot of time,” you hum searching for the stars reflecting in his eyes.

“Yeah,” he nods and you think maybe his soul has lived more than you can imagine. If that kind of thing is possible. You start to think a lot more is possible than you’d previously believed.

Inseong doesn’t act like he has any plans to leave the hospital. He seems quite at ease in his room. The hospital, however, might have been understanding until one point because of the consideration towards an international tragedy but they need the space and they kindly ask the man to leave. You witness it all, how he lets out the small oh sound when the realization flashes in his eyes. He nods politely and says he’ll be out by tomorrow.

You’re worried how he will integrate back into society but you try not to show it to him while you help him pack. He barely has anything with him. His boss sent him a pack of personal belongings from the States like ID card, passport, keys and clothes and NASA also arranged a flight for him back to the American continent. He hasn’t said anything but you could tell that Inseong was hesitant about it first, going back, and once he mentioned that he might go to Korea instead to find his roots and to figure out some stuff. It seems, however, that by now he has made up his mind and decided beside NASA to be closer to the stars in both metaphorical and literal sense.

You offer to take him to the airport because that’s your free day anyway and Inseong is sensible enough not to turn down your attempt to stay by him as long as possible. You have only known each other for a bit over a month and yet, you don’t feel ready to let go. Despite that you’d never stop him from doing something his heart desires. You wish him nothing but happiness.

“So that’s it, I guess,” you shrug with a forced smile when you reach the gates to the terminal, the very last point until you could walk with him.

“You, people, tend to stress too much over distances. It’s not like we won’t see each other anymore,” Inseong smiles down at you, the way he always does, moderate and soft but you can see sorry and slight panic in his eyes as he looks around in the crowd. “I’ll be only a flight away.”

A ten-hour-flight, yeah, but you have to admit that after his three-month-journey to and back from Venus, that’s probably nothing. Still, you can’t help but worry.

“Just take care, okay?”

Inseong’s fingers grazes against your cheek as he carefully brushes a lock of your dishevelled hair behind your ear.

“Don’t worry about me,��� he says, voice so so soft like the best pillows you’ve ever had. It doesn’t put your heart at ease though. “I’m okay… it’s just that sometimes I realize how small I am. From there I could see everything and now it’s like something is ripped away from me.”

It reminds you of the night you asked him how it was out there. Maybe nothing could compare to that. Maybe you’ll never understand but still, you would like to be there for him. Not as a nurse but as a friend or whatever he needs.

“If you ever feel alone, call me,” you give him your professional card but you previously scribbled down your personal phone number on it.

“Thank you. For everything,” he takes it and you swear you see stars in his eyes even in the daylight.

Then it’s a bit awkward, the boarding announcement is made but while people are flooding around you, the two of you still stand there engraving each other’s features in your minds. Inseong has always been physically there but distant, never touch-starved even though he has spent so much time alone in his own opinion. You, on the other hand, crave to just touch him, to believe he’s real and there.

“Can I… hug you?” Uncertainty seeps into your voice as you fumble with your own clothes not sure what to do.

Inseong looks at you for the longest time but his eyes sparkle when he nods, stepping closer. You’re pretty sure he hasn’t been hugged since he’s come back on Earth. All the human touch he got was for medical check-ups, so you’re extra careful with your touches to not be too evasive. You nuzzle close to his chest, clasp your arms around his waist as you breath in the scent of his coconut shower gel.

When the last warning call resonates through the speakers, he steps backwards and you fold your arms in front of you. He doesn’t remind you that you both see the same stars at night, you don’t mention you’ll think of him everytime you catch a glimpse of the Apus constellation. You just don’t speak, that fond look you share says it all.

And then he’s gone. Just like that. He came unexpected like lighting and now he has left nothing but a burning spot behind. (In your heart.)

Time passes weirdly when you miss someone.

It slows done in the most mundane ways, when you’re shopping, walking home from the hospital after a night shift or when you’re waiting for his call. But it rushes by so fast when you finally hear his voice, when you read his letters because that’s what he writes, the old-fashioned letters instead of texts and you find it endearing. You like to go back to the observatory and read his letters there, under the fake stars, imagining his voice as he tells you about everything.

NASA made me go through mental and physical check-up. They looked at me sadly. I guess I’ve already known then what it meant. They won’t take me back as an astronaut because they think I have post traumatic stress and don’t want to risk a breakdown. They said they could get me an office job but… that’s not my field. I need to think on what direction my life should go from now. What am I good for if I can’t go back there?

I wish I was th I hope you’re happy. You deserve it. Don’t forget that the stars are looking out for all of us.

P.S. They are pretty from here, too.

That’s his last letter about two weeks ago. You haven’t heard from  him since then except one rushed phone call. After he quitted his job, he’s busy with moving out of the place NASA provided him. He seemed excited about it, to start anew while you still feel static, frozen in one place. It feels like how you imagined lost-distance relationships would be except it’s not a relationship and friends shouldn't feel the way you do and you know that. You would never burden him with your feelings until you’re sure he’s ready. Especially since he hasn’t made many other friends or acquaintances at all since he came back. It might not be the best conversation starter to drop the bomb of him being amnestic and being the sole survivor of a failed NASA project. You just hope he’ll find someone who understands him.

“Hey, you’re coming here more often than ever before,” the receptionist of the observatory greets you with a wide smile, pointing out the obvious. You’re lucky that the stargazing hall is for free or else, you’d be broken because of all the times you’ve spent here during the last months.

“Oh well, I guess I fell in love with the stars,” you shrug, hiding a shy smile, clenching Inseong’s brand new letter close to your chest.

“Well, then lucky for you, boss just hired someone who seems to know everything about the universe. I’m certain he’d be delighted to tell you all about it,” the guy winks at you and you let out a low chuckle.

“That sounds nice but I’ll be fine on my own for now, thank you,” you excuse yourself because you need time and space to read the letter in peace. You walk to your usual place, the seats you took back then together with Inseong. You take a deep breath, soaking in the soothing effect of the place before folding out the paper in your hand. On contrary to any of his earlier letters, this one is rather short. Only one sentence written in neat handwriting in the middle of it and you might be hallucinating but if you close your eyes, you almost here him reciting it from right beside you:

“Did you know that stars always find their way home?”

You hum, wondering what it could mean while slowly blinking your eyes open. Then maybe it’s just a sixth sense or a special feeling tugging at your heart but you look on your right and you can’t believe your eyes.

“Inseong,” you literally squeal standing up abruptly and look around to make sure there are no other surprises on the way. It seems like just another miracle on the row. “You knew I would come here?”

“The receptionist might have said something,” he shrugs and even the wrinkles around his eyes are smiling. There’s so much warmth in him, in the pastel sweater he wears, the silver bracelet with a crescent moon on it and his crooked smile you love so much. It seems too good to be true. You might be dreaming and it gets even more surreal when Inseong is closing the space between you.

“I missed you,” he whisper-tells and your breath is caught in your throat. Both of you are covered by the reflection of the galaxy’s canvas about you and you literally feel like floating. There’s only Inseong’s soft hand touching your cheek keeping your grounded. “You’re the best part of being on Earth.”

You feel like you might cry, even your voice sounds wet with unshed tears.

“You… you came back? For good?”

“I don’t have anywhere else to be,” he answers but you can tell that’s not everything. But you’re too happy to ask him to go into details. After months of missing him, seeing him in flesh is too good already. You lean into his touch easily, fingers curling into the front of his shirt. “Did you know that stars are basically balls of burning gas held together by their own gravity?”

You shake your head no. You never thought much about stars before him. Before you saw them shining right in his dark orbs.

“You’re my gravity,” he says so simply as if he just stated a fact but it’s the most beautiful thing anybody has ever told you.

Without thinking, you stand on your tiptoes and kiss him. Gentle and chaste but with all the love you have. You can feel him smile into the touch of your lips and pulls you into his arms, keeping you there like you were something precious just like the night sky embraces Mother Earth. It feels like a galaxy spilling inside of you and filling you up with everything fond and soft and good.

How is it when a star falls in love?

It burns. Warm and bright. For a longer time than human recollection.

[dracosollicitus]

#48 DAMEREY PLEASE

#48: “Kiss me” 

AO3 link

“We should stay here for the time being. We need to reserve fuel before Leia sends us the updated coordinates for the new base,” Finn pointed out calmly. Poe was impressed that the ex-stormtrooper was keeping it together so well with his former employers/keepers so hot on their tails.

“Agreed.” Poe nodded, firmly, and then stood and popped his head out of the galley where they’d been sitting. “Didja hear that, Captain?” He shouted towards the cockpit. 

“I heard, I heard.” Rey emerged from her station, brushing some sand off her tunic. Poe smiled at her, and she returned it, their squabble back on Tatooine already forgotten. “It should be pretty soon though, yeah? Rose sent the message ten minutes ago.”

Poe nodded, feeling queasy, and he leaned back against the ship’s old wet bar. Why does the Falcon have one of these, anyway? He wondered, his entire body tense.

“You should go lie down, get some rest, Commander,” Rey said kindly. She put her hand on his upper arm, and he breathed in at the same time she did. They breathed out together as well, and he felt his blood pressure drop slightly. He nodded at her gratefully - she must have picked up on his anxiety, realized that being chased and cornered by the First Order felt a little too much like Raddus, a little too much like the lowest point of Poe Dameron’s military career, the Worst day in a life full of worst days. 

He was about to agree when an explosion nearby rocked the Falcon. Rey swore, loudly. “They know where we are!” She snarled, hand going to her rebuilt lightsaber. Poe reached out to steady her when another explosion threw her sideways. Finn ran past them towards the cockpit, doubtlessly to see what was going on.

“Leia sent the coordinates!” Rose shouted from up front. 

“Plug them in!” Rey called back. “We’re taking off from this rock in the next minute!” She squeezed Poe’s arm reassuringly one more time before turning away from him, but he caught her wrist.

“Whoa,” Poe warned when she looked back at him. “The First Order’s right there, Rey, we don’t have the time or the fuel to fly while we figure out where the Resistance is -”

“No time to discuss this as a committee!” Rey shouted at him, yanking her arm away, already sprinting for the cockpit. Poe stumbled and slammed into the side of the ship as another collision rocked the asteroid they parked on. 

“I am not a committee!” He bellowed at her, but Rey didn’t stop. How the kriff did I become the responsible person on this expedition? He wondered, deliriously.

Sometimes he thought privately that Rey from Jakku turned his entire galaxy upside down. He still didn’t know how he feels about it (Okay. So he did know). He ducked into the cockpit and dropped into the empty chair, buckling in quickly. Rey was typing something in rapidly, her fingers moving in a surreal blur over the ship’s computers. 

“Want me on the ventral cannon?” Finn asked, already standing up halfway.

“No!” Rey barked. “Stay seated, and buckle up. We’re making the jump from here.”

“I beg your karking pardon?” Poe demanded. Finn turned ashen but obeyed Rey’s order. “We’re parked, Rey!” She ignored him entirely - sure, let’s ignore the guy who’s been flying since literally before she was born - typed in her final command, and gripped the clutch while engaging the ignition, smacking the compressor above her head without even standing. Rose helped her kick the Falcon immediately into Hyperspace, the telltale blue flashing by, and the Falcon left the First Order behind in its wake. Rey sighed and settled back into her chair, the picture of confidence and relaxation.

It had been less than forty-five seconds since they received the coordinates

“How did you make the calculations for the jump so fast?” Poe wondered aloud, reluctantly impressed,  staring out the starviewer.

“The what now?” Rey spared him a brief glance before tapping on a fuzzy screen. 

“The calculations,” Poe repeated, feeling something strange coil in his stomach. She didn’t…she wouldn’t… “You know. The math. To make the jump accurately.”

“Math?” Rey scrunched her nose up at her co-pilot, and Rose shrugged back at her, very much at ease. 

Poe felt a little less at ease. “You know. The math you need to do to make a jump accurately. It’s what astromechs usually help with. Unless you have a secret BB-8 hiding in that dashboard, you did that math in your head, right?” There was no response, just Rey fidgeting with a control. “Right, Rey?”

She coughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever…done…the math before a jump.”

“What?” Poe demanded, incredulous. “You what?! You’ve never? But I’ve been on this kriffing ship before when we went into Hyperspace.” Finn shook his head at him from the other passenger seat, but Poe was not done. “Rey, I took Astronautical Calculus for four kriffing years at the Academy! We weren’t allowed to make our first jump until we passed a test at the end of the second year!”

“Astronautical Calculus?” The grin she shot him was absolutely irreverent. “That sounds like some of that fancy Core World learnin’, right Rose?” She nudged her friend, and Rose nodded.

“It sure does, Rey,” Rose drawled. “I don’t know if my little head could handle it.” Both women dissolved into giggles, and Poe groaned. 

“I cannot believe you went into Hyperspace blind!” Poe dropped his face into his hands. “This will not end well.”

“It usually does end well,” Rey pointed out, sounding a little more irritated now. “I’ve never crashed at least. And you’ve crashed…how many times, now?”

“That’s not the point-” Poe raised a finger at her warningly, and she scowled back at him. 

“Seven,” Finn whispered, because Loyalty is Dead. 

“Seven times?” Rey lifted an eyebrow, and Poe refused to be distracted by how attractive it was. “My last count had it at six.”

“Because it is six,” Poe grumbled, reaching over to flick Finn. 

“It was,” Rose agreed. “But then you crashed that speeder last week, remember?”

Rey looked delighted, and Poe howled in protest. “That does not count for this conversation. You can’t go into Hyperspace on a speeder!” 

“You tried,” Finn muttered, leaning away from Poe’s next assault. 

“If you need help driving a speeder, Dameron, I knew a very nice Scavenger on Jakku who was great at it. Haven’t seen her since I left two years ago, so she must be, what,” Rey pretended to think while monitoring their trajectory. “Ten years old, now?”

“I hate all of you,” Poe moaned, resting his forehead on his knees. When he looked back up, Rey was smirking and leaning over him to tap on a different part of the navigational drive - it really was alarming, how much of the Falcon seemed to be held together with nothing more than high quality tape - and Rose had turned around fully to watch their interaction carefully.

Rose often watched Rey and Poe interact. It made him nervous, and he was already a little nervous around Rey for reasons he refused to examine.

“How about a wager?” Rose said, a coy smile on her face. Finn shook his head at her this time, mouthing something at his girlfriend that Poe didn’t quite catch. She cut Finn off from whatever he was going to say. 

“I don’t know-” Poe begins, at the same time Rey says, “Deal.” He huffed in irritation and then nodded, not wanting to appear scared of a little bet. 

“If Rey’s right, and this works,” Rose cocked her head to the side, and Rey rested her hand on the back of Poe’s chair, other hand on her hip. Poe pointedly does not stare up at her. Does not. “She gets to ask Poe for anything she wants.”

“Between her and Finn, I don’t have much left,” Poe complained. 

“You shouldn’t have such comfortable clothing,” Rey said cheerfully, patting him on the head and then walking forward back to her own chair. Finn shrugged in agreement. 

“And you said I could keep that jacket,” Finn defended, and Poe gestured in acknowledgement. 

“Fine. And what do I get if I’m right?” 

Rose studied him for a very long moment, and Poe felt heat creep up his neck. 

“Rey gives you a kiss,” she decided. There was a spell of silence in the cockpit, and then - 

“Come on, Rosie,” Finn protested, while Poe said,

“I’m really not comfortable asking for a woman to kiss me without consent,” at the same time Rey shouted,

“Deal!” 

Finn and Poe stared at Rey in shock, but she grinned wildly at Rose. “No kriffing way I’m wrong,” she said confidently. “So yeah, deal. I kiss Dameron if I was wrong about the jump.”

“If you were wrong, we might all just die,” Finn pointed out, and Rose rolled her eyes at her boyfriend before turning back to the controls. 

“We’ll find out in a minute,” Rey said, entirely unbothered by Finn’s totally accurate statement.

Poe wasn’t sure if he should throw up from nerves about their impending death, or nerves from the casual way Rey from Jakku seemed to accept the idea of kissing him. 

He’d stared down death so much on missions, he was pretty sure the latter made him more nervous. Defy all odds and save the day? Easy. Take out a dreadnought in nothing more than an X-Wing? Pffbt, what else you got? The idea of kissing a pretty girl he might have Actual Real Feelings For?

Where is the eject button for my life?

“Here we go!” Rey shouted, yanking up on the throttle. The Falcon dropped out of Hyperspace, and Poe braced for the reality of 

A) Being stranded in the middle of empty space with limited fuel reserves;

B) Finding themselves in the middle of an active supernova;

C) Crashing into a planet. 

He didn’t account for option D while clutching Finn’s hand - 

Option D won, however: they dropped out of Hyperspace right outside the atmo of a small planet with only a single moon. 

“Gentlemen, we have arrived!” Rose announced, grabbing the comms. “Greetings from space, General Organa, this is the Millennium Falcon under the command of Commander Rey, announcing its descent into atmo. Requesting a safe landing.” 

“Access code for Commander Rey?” Connix’s voice chirped back over the comms.

“Han, Jakku, Luke,” Rey answered, “Forty-two, four.” 

“You’ve been cleared to land. See you soon, Rey.”

“Right back at you,” Rey initiated the secondary ionic engines as the Falcon broke atmo.  

Finn sat up and slapped Rey on the shoulder. “I’m going to go make sure the shipment is secure,” he said, disappearing into the back. “Help me, Tico?”

“Sure thing,” Rose stood up and sighed dramatically. “Damn. I was really looking forward to watching Poe figure out where to put his hands during that kiss.” She disappeared back into the Falcon, and Poe felt his face light on fire. 

“I need a co-pilot, if you’re up for it, Dameron.” Rey smiled at him, and he obliged, moving forward to plop down next to her. 

“Nice flying,” he begrudgingly complimented her. “Sorry I was such an ass, I just…it’s really impressive, how talented you are, and I didn’t mean to insult you or doubt you, I just -”

“You know the cost of risky decisions,” Rey finished for him, kindly. He nodded, swallowing against the lingering grief of his poor decisions pre-Crait. She fiddled with the controls for a minute before turning to him, the landing gear already extended, the Falcon programmed to descend for a few more minutes. “Do you think you actually could teach me some of that math? I might not always be able to rely on the Force or my gut. I understand that.”

It only made Poe blush more, the idea that the Resistance’s one true hope, the last of the Jedi, the most beautiful woman alive (and where did that come from?) wanted a scruffy, older pilot to help her with anything. 

“I’d like that,” he said softly. Rey went back to playing with the controls, but a question burned at the front of Poe’s mind, and soon found its way out of his mouth. “So, what did you want from me, Sunshine?” He rarely used the nickname (out loud), but he always thrilled at how it made her smile. 

“You really want to know?” She asked, lifting a perfect brow at him again. He nodded encouragingly. Oddly enough, she looked over her shoulder before looking back at him, her freckled cheeks flushed a very pretty shade of pink. 

“Kiss me.” 

Poe stared at her in surprise. “I’m sorry. But what did you say?” He asked politely, worried that somehow his eardrums burst in Hyperspace, or some other misfortune befell him where he’ll now have auditory hallucinations the rest of his life. 

“I want you to kiss me,” Rey repeated, and no, he definitely didn’t hallucinate the way her cheeks turned brighter pink. “If you want to, that is. I can think of something else if not, I just was hoping-”

Poe leaned forward, his knees in the aisle, his hand gentle on her cheek. He kissed her as sweetly as he knew how, quietly thrilling at the way her soft lips began to press back into him, her obvious inexperience as endearing as it was grounding. Poe kissed her as well as he could, as thoroughly as he could without being forceful, as tenderly as he could manage in this brief, glorious moment. His eyes drifted shut, and he marveled at how the feeling compared not to the adrenaline rush of flying, but to the feeling of sitting under the tree his mamá planted back on Yavin. Kissing Rey felt an awful lot like hope, and he never wanted it to end, wanted to keep kissing her, and kissing her, and -

“Not that I’m not really enjoying myself,” Rose Tico’s voice broke through the intense, private bubble that had formed around Poe and Rey, “Because I am. But, we’re going to crash if you two don’t start flying this ship.”

Sure enough, when Poe reluctantly pulls away from Rey, the ground is approaching at an alarming rate. Poe cursed, blushing furiously and apologizing profusely to Rey, Rose, Finn, the Maker, Leia Organa anyone listening.

As for Rey, a cheerful “oops!” is all she has to offer while she spectacularly pulls the Falcon out of its nosedive. 

[mandoinevarro]

I wrote this in like 30 minutes during my 7 am class. you’re all guilty. god will show us no mercy. lower your expectations drastically.

The Mandalorian prayed for an asteroid field. A black hole sucking in the Crest. A New Republic ship arresting him.

One thing he’d learned: it was always the easy bounties that made him question his choice of profession.

The bounty stretched his legs and slid halfway down the copilot seat. He flicked a button. Din flicked it back. They’d been at this for an hour at least.

“Just think about it: me and you? Clubbing match made in heaven, baby—your armor is basically a walking strobe, and trust me when I say that I have slaughtered more dance floors than you have killed bounties, and—”

“Stop it.”

“You’re a bounty hunter, I’m a booty hunter, and it’s low-self-esteem-girl season—or other species, I’m not picky—now listen,” he scooped his lanky, pathetic self back up the seat and rested his elbows on his knees, “ever been a wingman before, handsome? It’s easy-peasy, step one: you point at whoever at the club, cantina or alleyway you think has the shortest criminal record—I’ll do Trandoshans but no unshaved Wookies, and I could be swayed by a Twi’ilek massage with a happy ending, if you get my meaning—step two: we slide over to the lucky lady—pause so she can get a whiff of my spotchka-scented cologne—slightly veiled insult to lower her expectations—joke, you laugh—your armor catches the club lights and hopefully distracts her from my ankle bracelet—and when I give you the signal, you say in that sexy droid voice, ‘my friend would like to bring you in warm, babe.’ Boom—we come back to your ship and you lock yourself in the fresher while I make her see the metaphorical Maker, or,” he laid back on the co-pilot’s chair and crossed his arms behind his head, “you can join us for a three-way if you promise to use that beskar spear creatively, any questions?”

“One more word,” Din growled, hoping he wouldn’t be able to call his bluff, “and I’ll carbon freeze you right now. Or I can bring you in cold, save myself the trouble.”

“Yooo! M-to-the-A-to-the-N-D-O, never piss him off or else he’ll bring you in cold as ice—shit.”

“You saw the frozen bounties at the hull. Still have plenty of room for one more.”

“No doubt—however, I bet my dad promised to pay you plenty to bring me back unharmed, unfrozen and, dare I say, unbothered.”

Din’s head jerked. No way this half-sentient life form had figured that one out on his own.

“How…how did you—?”

“Ain’t my first rodeo, playboy—either my dad hired you to take me back home or you captured me in behalf of the New Republic cause I’m,” he cupped the side of his mouth and sang, “wanted in five syysteeeems! Can I hold your blaster?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m a Mandalorian, weapons are part of my religion.”

“Cool, cool, you got it, daddy-O—stop, what’s even that mean?”

Count to ten. “It’s a creed.”

“damn, like a membership? Sounds sick, how do I get in?”  

“You don’t—” Maker above. “You don’t get in. Mandalorians rescued me, after the destruction of my planet. If it wasn’t for them I… I wouldn’t be here right now. They took me in, fed me, taught me and gave me everything I have. They gave me my creed. When you follow the Way, you give up everything for your covert and your creed, everything else is unimportant. This is the—”

“Snooze! No offense, but also full offense: that is the most boring thing I’ve ever heard, and that’s coming from a player who’s sat through countless identity fraud court hearings—Empire and Republic, for the record—but seriously though, you gotta get a better backstory… Let’s see, you were raised by droids in the middle of the desert—montage of your upbringing learning how to ride banthas: it drops you once, twice, audience holds their breath—hard cut to you as an adult conquering the shit out of that bantha, baby daddy, the chicks think…”

Din closed his eyes, tried to zone him out. Failed.

He glared at the approximate time left in hyperspace: 11 hours and 32 minutes to Corellia.

He was still supposed to find and capture this moron’s twin sister.

Again, Din prayed. He prayed she’d be the opposite of him.

for the record, i would read the heck out of this

it would be hilarious

girl dont be an enabler it’s my clown era

[roguewn]

"What do you want from me?"

“What do you want from me?”

He looks annoyed, as if her presence is nothing more than a buzzing bug in his otherwise peaceful life.

Rey crosses her arms. She came for an answer and she’s not going to leave until she gets one. She’s tired of spending sleepless nights because of that jerk and his reckless actions.

“Are you deaf? I already told you.”

“Mh,” he’s fixing something inside one of the panels of the Falcon and doesn’t really pay attention to her. “Sorry, wasn’t listening.”

“Then you haven’t been listening for days, because it’s not the first time we have this conversation.”

He looks up and smirks. “Which tells us that you’re just not interesting enough.”

Rey rolls her eyes. She’s aware he likes to play games and doesn’t mean half of the things he says, but it still bothers her so much. Only stars know how long it took her to trust him after he left the First Order, how long it took her not to flinch or get into fight mode every time he just passed by.

She knows now that he’s truly changed, but he’s still such an asshole and she doesn’t find understanding in anyone. She told General Leia once, and she just replied with a shrug and a he’s a prick just like his father.

Comforting.

The thing is that she shouldn’t be bothered with what he does or say. And she wasn’t, really, until their latest mission. Since then, she noticed she became really oversensitive about him. His jokes have even started to hurt her, at times. Unbelievable.

Rey decides that she’s going to ask once more, then she’s dropping the topic forever and is going to continue with her life like nothing happened, because clearly this is what he is doing.

“Why…” she begins, realizing her voice came out too weak. She straightens her back, clears her throat and tries again with a new load of indifference. “Why did you kiss me?”

He looks focused as he uses a wrench to secure the end of a pipe. He doesn’t remove his eyes from what he’s doing and his eyebrows are still knitted in a serious expression when he finally replies with a very unsatisfying, “What?”

“You heard me.”

“When did such a thing happen?”

In her whole life, Rey has never been so sure about something like she’s sure that she’s going to punch his pretty face into another galaxy. “Ben.” She just says, fueling his name with all the frustration she can manage to squeeze into three letters.

He looks unbothered. Keeps doing his fixing thing as he shrugs and says, “I don’t know, I was about to get killed, seemed like a good idea.”

Now, it’s true that the mission had been way more dangerous than they were prepared for and it’s true that when he left the frighter and told her to wait and keep the engines on, she, too, thought that she was not going to see him again.

But there’s also a limit to what Rey can tolerate and Ben Solo crossed it long ago.

“You are the worst man I’ve ever met,” she spits with bitterness. “And given that I worked 13 years under Unkar Plutt, you can get an idea of how disgusting you are.”

She doesn’t wait to see if he heard her or what his reaction might be. She doesn’t care anymore. She storms off and wishes an asteroid could fall on his head this instant.

She has barely managed to leave the hangar when she feels a hand wrapped around her wrist. Rey doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is.

“What?” she grunts, rolling her eyes and deciding not to face him. He doesn’t deserve to see her face. “I thought we were done. You made it pretty clear.”

“Yeah,” he confirms, but there’s something in his voice that makes her turn around, at last.

He smirks, leaning closer and brushing his thumb across her cheek. “Just wanted to make sure I truly am the worst man you’ve ever met and will ever meet.”

When his face crosses what can be universally considered a safety distance, Rey starts to hate herself for not pulling back. She should, but she doesn’t want to. Instead, she closes her eyes and welcomes his lips when they press against hers.

Rey knows she can’t ever win this battle.

[smashpanda]

Ani-Me #13: Groovin’ To That COWBOY BEBOP (Ep. 1-13)

Welcome to Ani-Me! The Series Where You Make Me Watch Anime! To be clear, you aren’t making me do anything because I have enjoyed every bit of this so far.

And surprise, nerds! Look what I’m doing! Haha, I actually had this whole fun plan to do the anime poll and then Ozymandias-style be like “I already WATCHED THE WHOLE SHOW!!!” But it would take too long to finish watching all of it (it’s been a busy as hell month). Besides, I got half way through the show and decided that was definitely enough space to really dig into how I was feeling about the start. So without further ado, it’s time for…

Today’s Entry: COWBOY BEBOP (1998-1999)

So, I’m doing this because I felt like I needed to have reckoning with this show.

That’s because I actually tried watching it once before. This was about 10 years ago. An old friend thought it was positively insane that I had never seen it before. He wasn’t the first to sing its praises either. Even at the time I was open to the idea and gave it the old college try for a bunch of episodes, but… it didn’t take. I think I was mostly crashing up against the proverbial rocks of all those tangible details I was not prepared for. Which were really just the kinds of things that had kept me out of anime for so long. Like the facial contortions being so different from western animation. Or the way this particular story seemed to fixate on cool posturing in a way that likely would have more appealed to me during my teenage years. Heck, I was even wondering why there was a romantic, emotional pop song at the end (again, I had REALLY not seen a lot of anime). Then there was that very complicated issue of “fan service,” because I was watching with someone who was like WHY ARE HER BOOBS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE!?!?! Simply put: they were really not having it. Plus the fact that we were watching the dubbed version, which felt like it played into a number of sexist tropes. So much of this was the problem with my initial experience.

But I imagine anime fans are so fucking tired of these kinds of complaints from outsiders, no? Hell, even just a year into this column series, I’m tired of them, too. But here’s the thing: these complaints are the common obstacles for outsiders and some are not without merit. And as much the casual dismissal from outsiders about anime can rankle, it’s also important to remember how it is for the outsiders - to realize how much of that anime-fan tiredness manifests online in the forms of equally-casual dismissals (mostly from toxic white dudes) for “not getting fan service,” etc. Point is, misunderstanding and excuse-making can go in a lot of directions. And honestly it was all part of the system of why I think I stayed away from anime for so long?

Thankfully, everything’s about timing.

So much of this column series has been about throwing myself in the deep end, getting used to the cinematic language, knowing the filmmakers, and growing comfortable with the cadence of a particular form. But honestly, I think so much of it has to do with just being much older, too. Basically, I calmed the fuck down. The previous things that bothered me are still there, but it just feels like so much less of a big deal. Even “the rules” of what I tend to believe about storytelling are so much more expansive. As they say, finally “I’m not young enough to think I know everything.” Along with that, there’s the popular online joke that something “hits different,” but coming back to Cowboy Bebop after a decade… it hits different. Like I said, timing is everything. Which brings us to another reason I really wanted to do this now…

So John Cho goes to my grocery store a lot.

A little while ago I saw him in full Spike hair and it was rad as hell.

So I’ve also been thinking a lot (read: too much) about how to cover Anime TV. Ideally, I like the idea of doing one giant essay about a series, but sometimes 1) overall thoughts don’t take on essay-like form the way they did with, say, Evangelion. And 2) that sometimes takes out the fun of talking about little things in each episode. But at the same time, I don’t want to feel the need to do the FULL RECAP thing with every episode, which sometimes bogs down the more important thoughts / gets repetitive (I felt like I ended up doing that with a lot of Korra recaps). So really, it’s going to be a case by case basis. And for Cowboy Bebop, I decided on a sort of “fly casual” approach with no plot recapping - just the evolution of my thoughts along with some other random passing ones. And it will all likely crest into big overall thoughts that will come with the end of the series.

Cool? Cool.

1. ASTEROID BLUES

“Oh, this is good, isn’t it?”

I said this to myself while watching and I simply cannot explain the difference the subs make for me personally when it comes to this show. Like I know the dub has a lot of fans and history, but everything about hearing the show in Japanese just plays stronger to me. The rhythm, the cadence, and most of all the timing of jokes. There’s just this way each of their voices better line up with the droll affectation of the show. Combine that with me finally being used to a lot of anime’s particularly cinematic language? The show just plays so FUNNY now. Like I’m laughing out loud four times an episode. But that’s not the only thing that’s changed.

When I tried watching a decade ago, there was also this funny thing where I was having a very different relationship to the cinematic affectations of the late 90’s. Like how much of this episode reflects the El Mariachi / Desperado machismo that defined a certain kind of posturing coolness. Back then I worried a lot about that specific brand of indulgence. But now it all feels so silly and playful (as if, at the time, I wasn’t so much reacting to the worry of that coolness as how much the me of TWO decades would have eaten it up). Like I was the perfect age when this show came out the first time.

But I think that’s the real thing that hits me now with the episode: how playful it all feels. Like the absurd shot of the woman leaning on the counter to drink beer, the cat drinking all the crap on the ground, the sole motive of wanting beef, and Spike fitting a whole sandwich in his mouth. It takes none of these things seriously - except when it takes them seriously, of course. The episode’s structure is really built around the two bait and switches. The first is the fun fake pregnancy where it turns out that’s where she keeps the vials. And the second - tragic, with her death. Fast. Brutal. Forlorn. From minute one it’s sort of spelling out the tonal nature of this show: the fast loose hijinks > serious comeuppance > the Sisyphean process of bounty hunting without success… But hey, at least they got that beef.

It’s an apt metaphor.

2. STRAY DOG STRUT

In my original go round, I remember this being the episode liking this enough to stick with it longer. But now it plays even better. It’s kind of a classic fun and games episode, with the great set-up for the dog reveal - and the classic “lose but kinda win” ending a la Santa’s Little Helper (along with the dramatic irony that the dog is worth millions). I think I actually referenced this two columns ago, but there’s this kind of “kafka-esque’’ funny edge to the show. That “there is hope, but not for us” sentiment that populates a show of lovable losers trying and failing to navigate life’s absurdity.

But what I also like is that it’s not from a complete lack of competence. The gag where they both look up from the aquarium and Spike’s already got the gun drawn? That’s perfect stuff. Same goes with Spike absent-mindedly missing Abdul because he has shit on his foot. Both help establish this incredibly enduring character that thrives on both confidence and a genuine lack of awareness (which is often how he is able to pull a fast one on the audience, too).

The episode also helps clarify the show’s setting of an American Cultural Diaspora, filtered through the lens of Japanese culture. Could the Abdul stuff read as problematic? Oh absolutely, but the Game of Death / Way of the Dragon reference is also so singular to Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s influence that I’m not sure how much intention exists from the creators outside of it. And for an episode that delivers hijinks like Spike stealing the “just married” car and the incredible sound cue / animation of the corgi slapping onto the hood of his ship… I can’t help but smile.

3. HONKY TONK WOMAN

Ahhhhhh Faye Valentine. It’s funny, I wont say that I’m “used” to fan service at this point, nor really have any interest in excusing its extreme nature… I’m just sort of not letting it stop me from engaging everything around it? Does that make sense? But once again, I can’t explain just how much original language helps her character specifically. Megumi Hayashibara has this kind of wonderfully bored, disinterested tone that fits the characterization better.

The other thing that really hit with this episode was the James Bond-ness of the series (I mean in this gambling-centric episode drrr). But it’s the riff on the silhouettes in the opening titles, the pastiche of cool, and again, I keep coming back to that late 90’s disaffection that falls in line with Bond’s unruffled ethos. To wit, there’s a reason young men like disaffected characters, of course. In that it’s just as much of a power fantasy as so many other things are. They have all these budding, confused emotions and life feels so uncontrollable, so it becomes easy to grasp onto characters who play it cool, who show suaveness and are unbothered by the ups and downs going around them. Of course they want to be like that.

Which would normally be a possible “indulgence problem” if this show wasn’t also so keen on taking the piss out of Spike and company. That’s the thing: it’s just so damn playful at the same time. Unlike something Bond-esque, it’s always looking to make Spike the punchline. And the twisty, confusion-laden plots of chip-swapping and rubes and one one-ups-man-ship? I cackled constantly. And I have to say the fight in this one is so, so good. And the last line?

“Bye” … chef’s kiss… is… is that thing the kids still say?

insert grandpa face

4. GATEWAY SHUFFLE

It’s probably weird that THIS is the thing that most stands out to me, but it’s weird how much Twinkle reminds me of “Mom” from Futurama, right down to her large adult sons. I also like how much the episode plays with the dramatic irony of Spike and company being totally oblivious idiots (which will be a running gag), especially them on the verge of killing themselves with the virus. Also also, it establishes the sheer volume of problems that Spike fixes with sleight of hand. Also also also, there’s the fact that this episode is where Faye joins the team for good, thus setting up the fun larger team dynamics.

Is it weird that I don’t have much more to say about this one? It sort of reflects the way some Bebop episodes just feel slight in a way, which isn’t to say they aren’t fun or don’t have good gags. It’s just sort of the nature of this show, sometimes. Cause you’ll get an episode like this and then the next time you’ll get… Well, you’ll get an episode like…

5. BALLAD OF FALLEN ANGELS

“Who is this Sephriroth mother fucker?!?!?”

Such is the way I noted the entrance of Vicious. Given the overlapping timeline, I’m guessing there was something about long gray haired evil dudes with big swords in the water? Either way, the far more obvious influence on this one is John Woo. There’s the gunplay. The cathedral. The operatic posturing. It all brings me back to a place and time so vividly. That place and time being a teenager in the 90’s with a camcorder, boy, I can’t tell you how often we ran around with toy pistols diving off to the side and putting it in slow motion (we could never seem to find doves, but were always on the hunt for a group of pigeons to run through). This instinct also highlights the potential problems with these tropes. It would be SO easy for this to be nothing more than juvenile posturing / copying an en vogue aesthetic, but - as I’m learning is common for this show - Cowboy Bebop kind of hits this different note entirely…

Mostly thanks to the score. Because it all comes back to that ending with the haunting chorus of Green Bird, which gives me an array of complex feelings (along with it being a song I’ve had in my head for weeks now). On a pure aesthetic level, the scene is perfect. The pure combination of image, sound, and symbolism to hit an emotional response so squarely. A decade ago I felt this moment was more about hiding the story in a way - as if teasing backstory instead of even showing it - which isn’t entirely wrong, but now it feels more economical than anything, merely touching a lot I can have patience that will be dealt with . And more important than the specifics is understanding what it means to Spike emotionally - how much Vicious is part of his life and lost love and injury and pain, the cycles of opera and birth death rebirth death that all fit the same lyrics to the song…

“Spring has come

Worms are showing their faces

Little birds are eating them

Spring has come

Children are going to school

Farm dogs are giving birth to puppies

Spring has come

Women are looking in mirrors

Egg pies are baking”

In short, I understand why it’s a classic.

6. SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

It’s here I realize that writing about Cowboy Bebop is a bit counter to my general instincts. For I’m someone who likes digging into problems because it helps me understand things. With Korra or Falcon and The Winter Solider or something, I can stop, dig into the structural problems of a given episode, talk about approach, and feel like everyone was coming out the other side with a bigger understanding. I get that sense of purpose. But what’s odd about this show is everything is incredibly sound on the writing front. Every weekly “session” gives us a contained, thoughtful, playful little story with little differing nuances (it actually reminds me a lot of the Lone Wolf and Cub story structure, which yes, I’ve read all of by the way). And it’s no different with this episode (which also reminded me a bit of the ventriloquist dummy episode of Buffy?). There’s even so many really great things that stand out. Like this is the first episode where Faye really clicked for me (the gag where she casually eats the dog food is an all-timer). I also loved the kid getting Last Crusade-ed at the end.

But the “what makes us care” is a whole other ball of wax. Because this was the last episode I watched in my initial trial a decade ago. There wasn’t any big reason I stopped, just that simple lack of interest. And I think it speaks to the trouble of telling stories about disaffected characters. The whole idea is that they’re often hiding pain or interest or backstory or whatever else. Then the idea is you’re slowly supposed to peer in (and I’m far enough into the show to know how they do that). But if you’re not really all in on a character’s emotional journey from those critical starts? Sometimes it’s hard to work up that investment. If I was watching this as a teenager in the 90’s? I would likely have a whole different feeling because I’m watching in more of an aspirational sense. But watching an episode like this, from where I am now? I understand why it’s easy to feel a lack of connection, even when the boy is giving all the tears about the release of death… It feels like an emotion on display, a thing I’m looking at, but kept a distance from - and thus a harder thing to certainly feel.

7. HEAVY METAL QUEEN

For shits and giggles I watched this one with dub. It’s interesting because it instantly reminded me that part of the reason I like subs so much is it needs your undivided attention. With the dub? Suddenly my eyes could wander, sometimes to twitter sometimes and then I’d realize I missed something and rewind a second. In that capacity the subs are actually allowing for more distraction? Which is why 1) I worry that most shows seem designed to be watched with someone half paying attention and 2) I tend to watch things sans phone as much as possible. Look, it’s not that this multitasking activity is “bad” inherently. I love listening to podcasts as I cook or clean. It’s just with cinema it’s so easy to do and miss out on what I really want to be doing. Which is being enveloped in a story.

Anyway, I’m more or less good with this episode. I wish I had more to say than that. But once again I feel like I’m coming out of an episode with an “okay, that was solid” feeling. Perhaps because also plays into 90’s dated-ness in a way where all the things that should feel modern feel just so… heteronormative? I dunno. It’s like VT feels like a character I should be adoring, but with 20 years she feels like a half-measure. And even at the time, it’s really hard to get past the dude in the sombrero ogling the waitress who looks like lady liberty. Like, the gross metaphor is utterly clear, and not in a way where it’s countering it on any level. But there’s always those moments of elation, like Spike firing his space gun to better direct himself back - that make the show still feel special.

8. WALTZ FOR VENUS

So this is the first episode I unequivocally loved.

Perhaps it’s just because it does some of my absolute favorite writing things. Like, hurray! They finally got paid! But true to understanding their ethos, it happens almost immediately in the opening, thus setting up proper expectations for what is to follow. And then it does my absolutely favorite thing, which is make you absolutely care for a character you hate without realizing that’s what it’s doing. Roco at first comes off as annoying, jealous, brash, etc. But with time and perspective, the eagerness ends up being motivated. And the way it all crests into him using the “like water” teachings of Spike’s supernatural reflexes? Perfect moment!

And then he gets fucking shot.

I literally screamed NO in my living room. But that’s what good writing does, it takes you through journeys subtlety then knocks you on your ass with whiplashing emotion (I also realized this entire beat, right down to the thumbs up in the middle, happens in Mad Max: Fury Road). And what’s more is that even on death’s door stop, all his eagerness and wonder could be summed up in that youthful question: “Hey, if I knew you earlier, would we have been friends?” Gah, it’s just gutting. And so absolutely perfect in its dramatic articulation.

With this kind of competent writing on the “fun / plot” level, it’s also funny how much I remember the little details that the show is so good at. Like the use of the Hagia Sophia on Venus. Or the way the rich guy shouts to save himself and then gets his toupee knocked off.

… And then there’s those super gay panic 90’s details like shoving the gun in gay man’s throat that make my skin fucking crawl. As good as things can be, those ugly shadows loom large.

9. JAMMING WITH EDWARD

I love that they finally get around to explaining why earth sucks and everyone is in space in episode 9! This is also one of those episodes where the cyberpunky-ness of a rogue A.I. would play more fresh back in the late 90’s? By now it’s just hard to grab onto, given how many times we’ve seen this plot done again and again. But thankfully, the show has the complete dignity to continue its tradition of being playful instead of serious, in that MPU is a little freaking weirdo whom I am glad escapes.

I sort of don’t know what to make of Ed yet? I like certain affectations and weirdness, but I’m hoping it crests into something interesting. Otherwise, most of my notes cater around very specific reactions to moments. Like how Nazca lines were just in my trivia league! Or how the episode had huge Android: Netrunner vibes! Also a Summer Wars-like internet world! And great quotes like “there’s nothing made on earth that’s good” and paying it off with the cheap missile firing a dud.

But I also just want to mention lines like, “I hear that that hacker is gay hahaha” which I want to come back to because I don’t think is just a “Japanese culture” thing. That’s a “90’s gay panic” thing. And what’s important to talk about with these moments is that I don’t handwave them now as being dated and in the past. Because they weren’t “the past” for me. They were what I lived in. And revisiting it all from where I am now makes me FURIOUS. That’s because they were all part of a gay panic culture of the 90’s than gave me so many internal complexes and fears about being bisexual (I didn’t understand that’s what I was, really, I was mostly terrified I was gay and thought it would literally get me killed) and bunch of other stuff. It was just brutal. And I spent that entire decade around all this kind of media being like “hahahhahaha no big deal, right guys?” and I didn’t realize inside it was just tearing me apart - in the worst sense of making me deeply afraid in myself. It wasn’t the past, it was hell.

Anyway!

10. GANYMEDE ELEGY

I was wondering when we’d get to a Jet episode. So far he’s been the kind of character I don’t know much to make of. He mostly exists to be a no-nonsense foil to Spike’s irreverence. But even in this episode, a lot of his gruffness comes off as harmless, but then there’s the “be strong for her” ggRrrRRrrr pRoTeCt wOmAn philosophy just rubs me the wrong way. Though I think there’s a lot of valid reasons people gravitate toward characters like Jet? Even if I hesitate to get all pop-psych with it, I think characters like this remind a lot of people of their dads? I dunno, more curious what others think.

But Jet’s backstory completely fits it with what I’m now calling the C.B.M.O. (Cowboy Bebop Modus Operandi) in that it presents a forlorn, almost classical noir backstory - doesn’t go too deep with it, leans heavy on the pastiche, but at least has the dignity to be fun in the process. And by the time we get to the ending, the final confrontation with Alisa and Rhint still plays emotionally valid, which I think is all you need in this show (including strong thematic gestures of literally throwing the watch AKA your past into the ocean).

But also once again, what’s more burned into my mind is little moments and decisions. It’s trying to light the lighter with the bad memory cooked up in your head. It’s underlining the dramatic irony of tragedy with cutting lines like “this must be because i have good karma.” Also that end song totally sounded a lot like Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose.” Also we got gem lines like…

“I live and wander with a group of weirdos now”

I do, too… I do, too.

11. TOYS IN THE ATTIC

Let’s get right to the plum gag: bahahahahahhahahah the alien being an advanced form of leaving lobster in the fridge is just SO AMAZING. I was cackling like mad.

And honestly, I think the lead up with the entire episode was pretty damn great. It just has a completely different energy, not just in regards to playing with the sci-fi / horror tropes (which it’s not laying it on thick or anything), it’s just this fun verve. You feel it in the energy of how everyone hangs out. Like Faye completely taking Jet for all he’s worth in the strip poker game and his “honorable” reaction (this side of Jet’s gruffness I like a lot more). Which all just serves as the perfect dramatic irony of the encroaching, otherworldly horror. It also sideswipes these great little lines about how humans “quickly forgot the lessons they just learned.” And once again we get an episode where all the highs are in the little details, like the little beat where the alien good wiggles again before it’s fully melted. Even the episode’s overlaid vignette structure about lessons (which could be trite when applied in gauche fashion) instead only exists as a distracting bit of artifice that is only really leading to a sublime gag: “You shouldn’t leave things in the fridge… that is the lesson.”

Five stars. Would rent again.

12.-13. JUPITER JAZZ - PART 1 AND PART 2

I feel like it makes sense to write about these two episodes as a single entity.

First off, I have to say how much I like the pacing of them. Most of the sessions of Cowboy Bebop are lean, mean, and economical, which is all part of the fun. But even though the show has its moments of rest / down time,” it’s often rushing through conflict and rarely milking the drama in a way that lets you sit with the tension. Which just means I rarely feel like we ever have a real chance to just dig into a longer story pace. Which is of course what we finally get in this mid-point two part epic that brings us back to Vicious. Which, of course, we all suspected would happen (I say this like we’re all watching the show live for the first time, haha). But now that we’re finally getting into the story itself…

I’m not sure how crazy I am about it? Like, it’s all coming back to that problem of “how much do I really care about all these characters?” I like them and stuff. Really, I do. And it’s really nice to get moments of genuine emotion, like when Spike gets legitimately angry at being called Vicious. But there’s just this thing where I can’t get the emotional investment in the show to really drive that constant want of engagement. There’s fallibility, but so little genuine vulnerability. So it’s not really the kind of show you “lean into.” Which is all part of the ongoing cool disaffection. But hey, isn’t that just how noir operates?

The thing most people don’t understand about noir is that all that disaffection and hidden emotion always bubbles up by the story’s end, often in the spectacular ways of coming undone. Like, the vulnerability explodes by the end. But with a TV show slowly dolling that out like four times across 26 hours? Yeah, that’s not what the noir structure was built for so it just makes it harder to engage. Particularly when characters like Vicious still feel like cyphers in a way. Same goes for the way Julia feels like that haunting ghost. Like we learned “more” about them, but I don’t feel “closer” if that makes sense.

And it also doesn’t help matters that these episodes do some of my least favorite story tropes. Like when a female character is like, “I’m a girl who can take care of myself!” which seems to position them as not being the damsel, but then the male character saves them anyway, which just makes them EXTRA good at rescuing the kind of super-capable women who think they’re above damsel-ing! The fact it does so on the sly that feels even ickier than that. Same goes for yet more homophobia in the episode. And speaking of LGBT+ treatment…

I have NO idea what the heck to think of Gren? Like did they really say that Gren just got a hormonal imbalance from insomnia from going to prison??? Wut??? I don’t want to google things until I’m done with the show but needless to say I’ll be reading from trans / non-binary writers on the subject because I’m having huge flashbacks to The Crying Game discourse that so radically shaped more 90’s-ness when it comes to this stuff. Speaking of which, of course the character dies. And it’s amazing how many people don’t even recognize the problems of this trope, or even that it IS a trope. The reason the “kill your gays” trope exists is because it’s always written by straight people trying to grab other straight people’s sympathy (look, see now you care about this character because they died and that’s sad!) Meanwhile it only teaches LBGT+ people that they are doomed and should be afraid and that their “sacrifice” only exists to teach the straights lessons or whatever. Again, we’re just back in 90’s tropes that I internalized and have come to resent in much more meaningful fashion.

And yet, despite all the things that stick in my craw, this show always has these little things that seep right into my brain and stay there. Like that moment where Lin dies and Vicious clarifies, “he protected the rules,” which is just a forehead-slapper of a perfect line. And then the last little variation on the end title that really hits you: “Do you have a comrade?” Oof. These little things are what makes me ultimately care about the show. It’s not the drama. It’s the little ingenious moments that stick in there and keep rattling around in my brain.

Speaking of brain rattles, this also finally brings us to why I also felt comfortable stopping halfway through the show to write all this down… The other night I felt inclined to start listening to the soundtrack and it was all just there in my brain already, set in stone.

Point being, I’m in.

<3HULK

[smashbuddies]

Do It for Them, Do It Again: Pt. 2

“Hey, you wanna play a game?”

Daniel blinked, then looked over at His Diamond from his position on the arm of their throne. It had only been a couple years since he’d been given to them, but he’d come to learn how restless they were. But this was the first time they’d suggested a game. Thankfully, he knew how to play the important ones. Wartime Strategy, Invasion, Kindergarten Simulator…

“What do you have in mind, My Diamond?”

Instead of opening the holo-screen, like he expected, they shot up with a wide grin. “You’ll see! We just need to go to the Garden first.”

“The… Garden?”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll love it!”

They took off, leaving him to scramble after them. It wasn’t hard to catch up, but he still stuck to their side as much as he could. Just in case.

Suddenly, they stopped in the middle of two intersecting hallways. Eyebrows furrowed, they looked down every direction they could go, even the one the two of them came from, and muttered under their breath, “Which way was it again?”

He straightened himself out and laced his hands together. “Do you need help?”

“No, no, I got it!”

Without further ado, they grabbed his hand and led him along. Left, right, right, straight, left- they took him through countless turns and halls before finally heading through a pair of doors that screeched horrendously as they opened.

“Here it is!” they announced, looking down at him with that same grin. “Are you excited?”

The room was barren, save for a small platform in the middle. And dust. Too much for his liking, but he knew better than to say that. Still, it wasn’t quite what he expected. But perhaps he didn’t quite know as much as he thought he did. The drawback of being undercooked…

“Of course I am,” he finally answered with a polite smile. A little lie wouldn’t hurt. “The Garden is very lovely.”

They snorted, then put a hand on his head and ruffled his hair. “This is where the teleporter is, Daniel. It’s gonna take us to the Garden.”

Oh. How embarrassing.

Daniel took a deep bow at the waist while his face burned with shame. “I’m so sorry, My Diamond. I should’ve known.”

That hand trailed down to cup his cheek. “Hey, it’s okay,” His Diamond reassured. “Just a little mistake, nothing to be sorry about. I mean, it’s not like you’ve ever been before, so how could you know?”

“A fair point,” he breathed out as the thrumming in his gem slowed to a stop. There were still too many thoughts running through his head, but at least he hadn’t made them angry. That was the most important thing. “Thank you, My Diamond.”

“No problem.” They gave him a smile that undid all his progress in calming down, then pointed a thumb toward the teleporter. “Think you’re ready?”

“Yes, My Diamond.”

“Cool, let’s go!”

Teleportation was certainly a new experience. Daniel had never been outside of the Citadel, let alone off the planet entirely. But the flashes of color passing by, the momentum of shooting through space faster than light itself, distracted him from any worries he could have had. For a brief couple of seconds, nothing else mattered.

It was very freeing, actually.

One last burst of light, and the two of them arrived in a domed enclosure, filled with Homeworld architecture and…

“Huh,” His Diamond said as they ran a hand through their hair. “I don’t remember it looking like this.”

Daniel frowned as he took it all in. Something incomprehensible hung in the air. It reminded him of Gray Diamond. Was this normal? Where was the color?

Movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention. A flower about the size of his hand, outstretched toward him, petals twitching uselessly. Perhaps it had been a more vibrant color at some point, but now it was a sickly sort of brown. Almost yellow in some patches. The sight put a heavy weight in his chest.

Carefully, he knelt down and scooped the flower up. It lolled back and forth, spreading its petals out like it was looking at him. Pleading with what little it had.

“It needs help,” he whispered and ran a thumb along the underside of its petals.

His Diamond squatted down next to him, head cocked and eyebrows furrowed together. “How do you know that?”

“Just look at it, My Diamond.”

“…Uh-huh. What am I looking for?”

He did a double-take. Did they really not get it?

“See how it’s moving?” He ran a finger along the stem, causing the flower to flutter open and shut several times. “It’s asking us for help.”

Their nose scrunched up in obvious distaste. “It’s a plant.”

“I know that, but—”

“Daniel, it can’t even think.”

A jolt went through him. Right. What was he even thinking, trying to argue with a Diamond? He was just a Pearl, a barely functioning one, at that. Gingerly, he placed the flower back on the ground, then stood to his feet, hands laced perfectly in front of himself.

“Yes, My Diamond.”

Following suit, they slapped a heavy hand against his back, making him wince, and said in a completely unbothered tone, “Let’s just go back. And don’t tell Red about this, huh? She’ll totally shatter me if she finds out that I let this place die.”

“…Yes, My Diamond.”

————————————————————————————————————It was only a day after His Diamond had taken him to the Garden that it started to invade his thoughts again. The hours seemed to scrape on by painfully as he was consumed with the most horrible feeling. That flower, he could’ve tried to do something for it. Anything. And he didn’t.

So what? It’s only an organic life-form. They’re supposed to die anyway.

But it didn’t have to die now. Shouldn’t it have the chance to live as much as it could?

That’s not how a proper gem should be thinking. Organic life dies, that’s it. It doesn’t affect the empire at all.

Then tell him, why did that feel so wrong?

“Hello? Homeworld to Daniel! You in there?”

He blinked back into awareness. His Diamond’s hand waved in front of his face, so he turned to look at them. “Yes, My Diamond? Is there anything I can help you with?”

They snorted and gave him a grin, hand pressed against their face as they leaned against the arm of their seat. “Nah, just thought you’d wanna be here when the battle starts. It’s gonna be sick— I heard that the Pyrite they sent is one of the best. He conquered a whole planet by himself, with nothing but his own weapon!”

“That’s... Pretty impressive.”

Thankfully, that was the moment the lights in the arena fell, prompting them to turn their attention away, eyes lit up with excitement.

Two gems walked out onto the battlefield. The Pyrite and a Jade. They made their introductions, but the words slipped through him without sticking at all. He never really cared for these battles in the first place. Something about how His Diamond looked at those gems bothered him. Wasn’t it his job to keep them entertained? That’s what he was made for. Did they think he couldn’t? Was that why they staged these fights?

He didn’t want to think about it.

Instead, he let his mind drift back to the Garden. Maybe there was something he could do for it. And His Diamond. After all, they probably weren’t happy with the state it was in. Especially if the other Diamonds would be upset too. So why not? They were already distracted by their oh-so-exciting arena.

That was enough justification to slip away from their side unnoticed and make his way through the winding halls of the Citadel. His memory wasn’t the best, but he was able to puzzle his way through the maze until he finally reached the teleporter.

Everything flew by so quickly, he almost felt dizzy when he landed. But that didn’t stop him from immediately heading forward at a brisk pace. As he passed by the flower, which almost seemed to follow him with its petals, he called out, “Don’t worry! I’ll fix this!”

First step: find a terminal. There had to be one around somewhere.

It didn’t take long to come across a lead. Up ahead, towering over the entire Garden, was a gazebo, covered in sickly green vines and intricately carved fractals. If he were to set up an important piece of technology somewhere, that would certainly be it.

Of course, he was right. Practically beaming with pride, he approached and opened it up. After it took a little too long to boot up, the holo-screen appeared in a flash of red, giving him a list of pages.

Log of Organic Lifeforms.

Layout of the Garden.

Potential Dangers of the Asteroid Belt.

Working List of Banned Activities.

“Layout of the Garden,” he muttered under his breath. “That seems promising.”

His eyes scanned through the countless paragraphs of information, glazing over after just a couple. This was far too much. How was anyone supposed to glean anything useful?

Wait, there!

Daniel opened up a section on something called the Feeder. A device put into place to shower down a mixture of nutrients on the Garden, restocking itself from the very life it maintained. But that didn’t make sense. If things were already in perfect balance, how did the Garden get like this?

“Only one way to find out…”

According to the terminal, the Feeder was placed inside the dome itself, directly in the center. What it didn’t tell him, though, was that the Feeder was almost impossible to get to from the inside. And he didn’t realize that himself until he was directly underneath it, head craned and eyes squinted as he tried to gauge the distance.

There had to be something he could do. He racked his gem for even the smallest hint. Most gems had some special capabilities: teleportation, shape-shifting, telekinesis, flight. Any of those would be a great help. But Pearls weren’t made to do that. Even if they were, Daniel himself would still be just as useless…

Hot shame surged through him. Lately it seemed like everything in the universe just wanted to bring attention to that. He’d tried his best to ignore all the small signs, but each one added its own weight and he didn’t know how much more he could hold before he shattered.

He reached up and plucked a star— the constant reminder of his imperfections— from his hair. It twinkled, almost taunting him. You’re defective, it said. Undercooked. Useless. You can’t even help Your Diamond with The Garden. If they get in trouble, it’ll be your fault. And then you’ll be  s h a t t e r e d.

With a pained cry, he threw it as hard as he could. It was stupid, in hindsight. But he just wanted it gone. And maybe he hoped it would fix him. Then he’d be able to solve this whole Garden mess and finally make His Diamond proud.

As soon as it hit the ground, it bounced back into the air and began to expand. It didn’t stop until it was nearly as tall as him and three times as wide. Then it just floated there. Completely still, with that same glimmer it always had. His own wide eyes bored into him as his mouth fell open in almost horrified awe.

“…What just happened?”

No answer. He pressed his hands close to his chest and stepped backwards. It closed the distance he made without any hesitation.

Throwing a hand forward, he took another step and demanded, “Stop!”

To his surprise, it stayed still. A little glimmer of hope sparked in his gem. Could it really follow his directions? And if so, then could he…?

Several quick little experiments gave him the answer he needed. He could move the star anyway he wanted, lay it flat, shrink it down, blow it back up, even have it float up above his head several feet. But the most important part was that he could do this with all his stars. It took a lot of concentration, but he could even manipulate them all at once if he wanted to. And it gave him a crazy idea.

His hands waved about while he worked. “You go here, and you go there, the rest will fall in line like this and… Done!”

Before him was the beginnings of a makeshift spiral staircase. Not nearly high enough to reach the Feeder— in fact, it didn’t even make it a fourth of the way. A work in progress, to be sure, but he was more than ready to work.

With a deep breath, he grabbed two fistfuls of his skirt and steeled himself.

Three…

Two…

One…!

Go!

He took off. His breath hitched when the first star almost gave way beneath his weight, but he willed it to keep still for the split-second before he was on the next one. 

Step by step, faster than he thought he could run, he bounded along his own stars, eyes glued to the next one in line. Before he knew it, the end was in sight. But he didn’t even think about stopping. That would only make this fall apart. He needed to keep moving, to focus, to make this work for the Garden, for His Diamond.

Right as he made to stop onto thin air, his gem thrumming in distress as he stared at the ground below, a star soared up to boost him along. The next star followed suit, and he let out a joyous laugh. It really worked!

And there he was. Perched on a star, directly underneath the Feeder.

Streaks of light nearly blinded him when he tried to get a closer look at it. When he blinked away the spots in his vision, he caught the fleeing image of three comets, all too close to the Garden for his liking. At least there didn’t seem to be any others wanting to interrupt him. He let out a huff and tried again, while still keeping a wary eye on everything on the other side of the glass.

Was it even on? The maintenance panel opened up at the very least, though he did have to jam his fingers in and force it. Ouch! Nothing seemed to be out of place, though Daniel didn’t really know what to look for. But he could easily see the important parts. Wires were plugged in properly, switches were flipped on, there was a tank full of bright green liquid that he could only assume was nutrients for the Garden.

The only odd thing was the power source. Was it askew? One push made it click into place and the Feeder instantly responded with a whirring hum.

He stepped back and watched as mist began to spray out and gently fall over the entirety of the Garden. As it soaked in, the plants below bloomed up in response. Several took longer to regain their color, but they still added to the spontaneous ocean of hues underneath him. Blue, purple, pink, yellow… Too many to count, all he could do was marvel at the beauty of it. This was life. Growth. And he helped it flourish.

This feeling was new. Almost too much to contain. 

He wanted more.

“Daniel!?”

For a split-second, he locked eyes with His Diamond and time stood still. Then he felt the tell-tale pull of gravity yank him down and the rush of air as the ground came rocketing toward him. A cry escaped him and he flipped himself around, eyes scanning for the stars that should’ve been there. He found one and threw his hand out, trying to will it to grow, but he didn’t have time.

Before he could even think about what would happen to him once he crashed, he felt the full impact of a body beneath him. Two strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, until his nose was right next to His Diamond’s gem. It thrummed, the sound low and pulsing with quick succession. He inched closer, tempted to try and comfort it. But he didn’t know how.

A hand cupped against his face, dragging his attention upwards. They stared down at him with a mixture of horror and relief, chest heaving with deep, ragged breaths.

“You’re okay,” they said, voice barely above a whisper. Their hand found the back of his head and pressed his face into the crook of their neck. “Oh my god, you’re okay! What were you even doing up there!?”

He swallowed thickly and pulled back to look at them. “I was fixing the Feeder, My Diamond. The power source had gotten knocked loose.”

They ran a hand through their hair, pinning him with the most incredulous look he’d ever seen. “What?”

“Now the Garden won’t die,” he clarified with a sweeping hand toward the lively foliage. “See?”

Those piercing eyes never left him. He shrank back under their gaze and found himself unable to meet it after just a few short seconds.

“…Did I do something wrong, My Diamond?”

A sigh escaped them. “Look, Daniel, you can’t just—”

“Incoming call from Red Diamond! Purple Diamond, please report to the Garden terminal!”

Everything went cold. But His Diamond rushed to the terminal with him still in their arms, far before he was ready to face what lied ahead. It immediately reacted to their presence and showed Red Diamond’s impassive face as she sat on her throne.

“Purple,” she greeted politely, one hand poised in front of her face. Her eyes flickered down for a brief second toward him before sliding back up. “Am I interrupting anything?”

“Nope,” they replied through gritted teeth and tightened their hold on him. “What do you want?”

“Always cutting right to the chase,” she said with a smile. “What if I just wanted to catch up with you? It’s been a little while since we’ve last talked. How are you liking your Pearl?”

“He’s great. No complaints, he does everything I want and never gets out of line.”

“Then would you care to explain—” she leaned forward, all traces of humor gone from her face— “why I caught him sneaking off on his own, to a Garden that you let fall into disrepair, and putting himself in danger to try and fix it?”

“Uh, well—”

“Put him down. I’d like to talk with him alone.”

“Hey, wait—”

“Purple.”

They drew in a sharp breath. But did as they were told, leaving him alone under Red Diamond’s scrutinizing gaze. He stood perfectly still, hands laced in front of himself. Be perfect. It’s the only way you’re getting out of this.

“Do you realize how lucky you are, Daniel?”

“No, Red Diamond.”

“I’ll tell you, then.” Her tone grew softer, almost back to what it had been just a minute ago. “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but whenever a terminal that hasn’t been active in over a century gets turned on, Gray and I receive a notice about it. A safeguard to keep our old technology from being misused.”

Then that meant…

“Why, if Gray had wanted to deal with it, who knows what would’ve happened,” she continued casually with a wave of her hand. “You’d most likely be shattered by now. He’s not nearly as forgiving toward wayward gems as I am.”

His gem pulsed. “Wayward?”

She almost seemed taken aback, then brushed it off quick a laugh. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t use that word quite yet. But you’re awfully close to the line, Daniel. You’d best be careful not to step over it.”

“…Yes, Red Diamond.”