#he's in the other memories and anyone who didn't read the book/knows what happens wouldn't even know what happened to him

[lavellaned]

[thesorcerersapprenticeu]

Chapter 8: Crushed

Summary:

The moment has come, the beginning of the trauma, and that's all anyone needs to say. Well, well, well! A D-D-D-D double update! Feel free to check out the chapter of my "Hold on" story, at least anyone who might be interested.

Notes:

I don't want to say too much, after all I've had far too much to do, but here it is. The beginning of all evil, the bearer of all trauma, and all because of you and Powder. Enjoy reading, and feel free to leave a comment and Kudos!

---

You had already forgotten that the people from above, from Piltover, always called Zaun a shithole. Not exactly forgotten, you just tucked it away somewhere in the back of your mind, along with the rest of your life's information, before you were down here with Vander and the others.

However, you often remembered them, your real family. You always asked yourself "What are they doing today?", your siblings and your parents. Maybe they've become scientists, your siblings, and are now doing research at the Academy or somewhere else.

But you didn't care whether your parents ever really looked for you.

Normally you would not care, you are quite sensitive and had hoped for it at the beginning. The Undercity was cruel at first, dangerous and even the air was a risk for you. In the early days you probably would have planned an escape, but there was something.

You were not alone.

Powder and Vi, Claggor and Mylo, they were just as hopeless cases as you that Vander had taken in. You and the sisters spent the first few nights in the same room, while you were turned to the wall, playing dead, Vi kept trying to strike up a conversation.

You only answered when Powder tried. You don't know exactly why, but you had a bond with her because she was like you.

But although you got on better and better with everyone, you never really stopped thinking about Piltover. The mistakes of your past still haunt you like a shadow, every step a memory and every breath a mistake.

And what was going on now?

Vi. Was. Way.

While you're sitting in bed in the basement with Powder, she with the Bunny in her hand and you with a book, Claggor and Mylo seem to be planning something. They're running around in a panic, putting things on the table and literally screaming. You hear something about "enforcers" and an "attack".

But it probably wouldn't come to that anyway. While you continue to relax and try to compare your spellbook with the notebook from the Academy of this Jayce Talis, something happens.

"Well, if the enforcers hit tonight, we'll be ready..."

Your gaze goes across the room, along Powder's silhouette, hugging the Bunny tightly and listening to them. Then it hits the table with weapons on it.

Surely they'll never be able to fight the Enforcers with that? Especially because of the armor, you need something stronger.

 You look at the table again as your hand seemingly automatically picks up the Enforcer gadget in your coat pocket. What lies on the table in front of Mylo and Claggor, and their hope against the Enforcers, is almost embarrassing.

Vanders gauntlets, a wooden bat, a glass bottle, a key? Mylos lockpick? And a small array of nuts and bolts?

"Dibs on the Bat." Says Claggor as he points to the table.

You won't win a single battle with that! They're not seriously going to pull that off, are they? And anyway, where is Vi?

"No no no no, I found it."

"But I called it."

"I found it"

"Respect the dibs, I called it already."

While the two of them continue their unnecessary discussion, you are more worried about Powder and Vi. As you watch, Powder tries to hold back tears with her beautiful blue eyes, something you've been doing for the last two hours. She gently strokes the bunny's head and looks in your direction, your eyes increasingly deciding to let a few tears flow.

Where is Vi? Has something happened to her? Was she perhaps taken by the Enforcers? Damn! Normally she always comes back!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the door is ripped open. Your mind can barely follow as Powder jumps out of bed and runs over, blocking your view. It was Vi, you're very sure of it.

""Where's the -" She's cut off as powder charges into her, holding her tightly. She had a huge smile on her face as she hugged her sister. Actually, you would have run right in with Powder, hugging Vi and feeling safe. But something is wrong.

Why is she alone? Where is Vander? Where did she come from, and why does she have that look on her face?

Vi appeared distressed, worried and fearful all at the same time. She trembles slightly and you can literally see the shiver following her. Something must have happened to affect even a strong person like her. It looked like she had scars in her eyes, scars that reflect the trauma that happened, and that's what's important now.

Vi takes a deep breath, and as you analyze it, she does her best not to cry in front of Powder. She shakes her head slightly, and walks over to the table where the 'weapons' are. But unlike Mylo and Claggor, you saw right away that she was damn serious. It was that look again, where it looked like she had a fire in her eyes that wouldn't stop at anything or anyone. Your suspicions were confirmed even more when she suddenly reaches for Vander's Gauntlets, which also caught Mylo's attention.

"Hey. Those are Vander's. Slown Down- What's going on?"

The room is dead quiet, not even the wind can be heard. Your own thoughts circulate around Mylo's question, Vi's strange behavior must have a reason after all, but what reason was so bad that she would reach for Vander's gun.

You look to Powder, unlike you, she seems to have understood something. The look of sadness and worry in her eyes tells you that Vi probably doesn't want to talk about it, so it's pretty damn bad.

Vi looks up, and you immediately notice that despite her seriousness, the fire in her eyes was no longer there. She answers in a low voice, looking down slightly and almost frightened.

"Benzo's dead"

What? I must have misheard. Benzo? Vander's friend Benzo? Why? How? Who?

The tension is at an all-time high, nobody can believe what they have just heard. No one is looking at anyone, no one is talking, no one is breathing and no one is moving even a little bit. It's surreal to think that just a moment ago there was such a warlike, loud atmosphere here.

Claggor, who seems to be wondering the same thing as you, breaks the tension like a hot knife through butter. But not as sad and distraught as you or Powder, no, he answers Furious.

"Dead?"

"They took Vander."

While Vi looks away, apparently out of frustration at not having been able to help, Mylo now also gets involved.

"Who took Vander?"

Vi shakes her head, it looks like she wants to do it alone, either she has a score to settle or there's a lot more to it than that.

"I don't know, but I need to help him."

Mylo responds directly to her statement without wasting a second. It's as if he hadn't even heard her, but one thing was apparently clear to everyone:

"We're going with you."

Vi, looks around. One look at the weapons, another at you, and especially one at you. Her gaze softens for a moment as she looks from you to Powder, but then something seems to come back to her. Her gaze becomes serious, almost set and already fighting.

"Whatever killed Benzo...was like noting I've ever seen. It tore him apart"

Impossible. Not even Vander could tear a man like Benzo apart, that much strength would be beyond his body. Unless the person doesn't count as human, maybe something like a drug to go beyond the human limit?

But who would create such a drug? Or more importantly, why? Why did they kill Benzo but take Vander? Do they want Vander...

You follow Powder's gaze on Vi's fist as you continue to think, slowly the pieces of the puzzle fall into place and the decision seems clear: another riot. Led by Vander back then, this one to be led by monsters or fully drugged humans? And probably also by Vander, but this time even more dangerous than then.

Claggor, standing behind her, places his hand on her back in a comforting manner. He also looks quickly around the room, especially at Mylo, and starts talking.

"You're not doing this alone, Vi."

Mylo, who quickly stands next to them, wraps one of his arms around Vi and continues to cheer her up.

"He's our father too. And our friend. Do you know where they took him?"

They continue talking, but too quietly for you to hear properly. You quickly wipe away your tears with your sleeve and put your two books in the pockets of your coat. At the same time you keep a strong grip on the enforcer gadget, you would certainly need it, after all it has already proven once how useful it is with the rotation.

Powder runs past you, at a small crate that was filled to the brim with inventions. She quickly grabs out a couple, as many as she can carry, and walks slowly in Vi's direction.

Vi doesn't look at her, as reaches down and takes one of Vander's gauntlets, puts it in a bag with a few other weapons and swings it over her shoulder,

"The old cannery, near the docks. He said..."

She doesn't finish the sentence, walks slowly in your direction and you panic. Her serious look as she slowly walks to your bedside scares you about the whole situation. You slowly realize the gravity of the situation, with Benzo's death and Vander's imprisonment, everything will now come to an end.

Vi doesn't look down at you, she kneels down and looks you in the eye. She looks at you, the little frightened boy, in such a way that you feel the calmness behind her behavior; the pure patience to solve the whole situation without leaving problems behind. What would you do for good? Could you do anything at all with your rather tiny power?

"Y/N...I know you want to help...prove yourself." Her voice is soft as it meets your ears, as are her eyes and features, all of which are comfortingly soothing. But you don't understand what exactly she's hinting at until a few seconds later.

Why doesn't she want me around? Does she see me like Mylo, just as a burden? Or am I not worth saving Vander? Why? Why Vi?

"I -

"And Powder...I'm gonna need you to sit this one out." She sighs, but no matter how calmly Vi says it, the meaning remains the same.

Powder's entire expression falls, you see how she breathes faster and barely holds the inventions. It's all about to collapse. Then Powder takes a furious stance, raises her eyebrows and responds according to her feelings.

"What?!"

"You're not coming. "

"I'm not afraid! "

"It's too dangerous. "

"But families stick together. You said it yourself."

"I know what I said."

"But-!" Powder stops her angry replies for a moment, turning to the bed and dropping her eyes to your form. She sees you, looking not only sad, but disappointed, as well as her. For a moment she sees your tears, threatening to flow because of the realization, but you say nothing, which pushes her further. "We Want to Fight! We can help, Me and Y/N-

"You're NOT Ready!"

Silence fills the room again. As a shock runs through you and Powder at Vi's statement, Vi takes a step towards her. You can't process it, it feels like time has stopped for a moment, the fact that Vi thinks neither you nor Powder can do anything to help hurts more than anything. It was like back then with your parents and siblings.

"You and Y/N, you're all I have left. I can't lose you"

Then why are you leaving us alone?

It hurt, a deep ache in your heart that runs through your whole body and makes your bones brittle. You notice the tears slowly streaming down your cold face, leaving a feeling of warmth that seems too short and too foreign.

You get up, walk closer to Vi and stand right next to Powder, who looks at you with tears in her eyes. But somewhere inside both of you was the urge to prove yourself, to finally show them that you're not just dead weight.

Vi takes her hand off Powder's cheek, where she has just been wiping tears, which has only made it worse. She reaches into the bag and pulls out a flare, which she gives to Powder with the instruction:

"Here. If they for you both, take this and run. Wherever you are, light it up and I'll find you. I promise."

Powder's hands reach for the object, she turns to you and you both look down at Vi's promise. She puts her forehead against her sisters. They embrace for a moment, one with tears in her eyes and the other with a look of pure determination.

Then, to you. She goes down again, wraps her arms around your back and hugs you like a cuddly toy. You hug Vi too, continue to cry quietly and don't really want to let go. But before she lets you go, you look at Powder again, which Vi sees, and whispers something in your ear.

"Protect her."

With that, she leaves, Claggor and Mylo behind her and right by the stairs. As she closes the door, she takes one final glance through the small gap, looking at it as if her heart would break. You and Powder are literally devastated with tears in your eyes as you look at her.

But that's exactly what they have to do to protect you.

And with a final glance, she is gone.

<hr> </hr>

Everyone was gone, only you and Powder were left in the room. Like pets left behind without use, you were to stay there while the others freed Vander, without you.

That's so unfair. Why are they all going without us? Why always the two of us?

Powder was sitting up in bed again, but was completely upset. Tears streaming down her cheeks, a suitcase was open next to her, with Vi's Bunny doll sitting inside, the Crystals in the doll's arms.

Powder's whole life had just been turned upside down, her sister was away with her bigger 'brothers'. And she was here, with you, but completely useless according to the others. Just as useless you two always were on the jobs Vi picked up somewhere, just as useless when there were heavy things to carry, just as useless as when Benzo died and just as useless as when Vander was taken away.

We can help in other ways, can't we? While they somehow distract the people holding Vander captive, we can free him. We can help... We can...

Your thoughts are circling around each other, while you haven't moved a bit. You look like a mental patient, still standing in the exact same spot as the last time Vi looked through the door. The only difference now was your head, which was much lower than before, and your face.

Your face was absolutely blank. A serious look, huge eyes that showed nothing but anger and fear and an aura that you had never had before in your life.

The Situation is breaking you down to your core, breaking your character in the worst possible way to annihilate the toxic traits you have. Your stubbornness, fear of weakness and self-destructive behavior were always going to catch up to you, sometime.

It is our fault. It is our fault, because we are weak, because we couldn't defend Vander, because even though Vander was Captured, he is still stronger than me and Powder combined. Can we ever help?

Powder keeps crying, and even though it hurts like hell to hear her like that, you won't be able to do anything about it anyway, why should you? you're weaker than anything else in this damn world.

A monkey's head suddenly flies across the room, bounces off the wall and hits the floor, where the situation slowly gets your attention. Still, the monkey toy doesn't stop and clapping is cymbals together as it spun in a circle. Powder screams louder, but you don't stop her, your mind is in too much of a storm right now for that.

You can still hear her crying, screaming and whispering. She seems overwhelmed, her own sister has rejected her, it was the worst thing she's ever had to endure. She stands up quickly as you slowly look in her direction, grabbing the suitcase and holding it over her head.

Normally you would either say something or think something when you see it, but your mind is completely blank.

The monkey stops, and the only thing you hear in the room is Powder's ragged breathing. Then she drops to her knees, drops the suitcase and watches the Little Blue Crystals fall out. Your eyes follow the Little Crystals as memories from the apartment come flooding back. The magic you felt back then and the huge power of the gems.

The Explosion Crystals? She still has them?

Apparently the memories wash over Powder, the Crystals on the floor spark out something minimally like electricity, and she has grown huge eyes. The crying stops, the sudden breathing stops, and the only thing that remains is a path. The path that will now change everything.

She turns around, meets your eyes with hers and hastily begins to speak.

"We-!" She stops for a moment, bends down and packs the Crystals into her small hip pocket. Then she runs a hand skeptically through her hair, which was now in front of her face and completely disorganized. "We can help them!"

What is she up to? Does she want to follow them? What are we supposed to do with the Crystals to help them? Wouldn't they destroy the whole cannery?

"If we bind these to the monkey, we can send him to the bad guys and..." She takes a deep breath, lets her cheeks swell and holds her hands in front of her face. Then she moves slightly closer to you, your eyes still focused on her face. "Boom."

"Are you...sure about that?" You were afraid, the previous anger was gone and it left you feeling empty. But you couldn't think logically about the power of the crystals right now. "What if they hit us?"

"That won't happen! " It was funny to think that she was crying a minute ago, but now she seems so full of energy. "Come on we can do that...just you and me."

Maybe it was the warm feeling in your stomach that made you turn the corner and join in. Or maybe it was the feeling of having to prove yourself that was suddenly in the foreground for both of you, especially after Vi left you here.

"Protect her"

You feel lightly at the pockets of your cloak: your spellbook, the notebook from the apartment and the Enforcer Rotation Gadget. Everything you needed was there.

And with one look into Powder's eyes, you could see that the previous sad, abandoned look had changed. There was a fire in her eyes, a blue that seemed just like her Sapphire colored eyes...Pure Determination. But here, where it was all or nothing, it was a Dark Determination that put everything at stake.

With that you nod.

"Okay...Let's go then!"

And with that, you were on your way to pure ruin, which will change everything forever.

<hr> </hr>

Powder knew exactly where the Cannery was. But to get there, you had to take the path she suggested, not the normal one. There seemed to be something like a warehouse right next to it, but how you got there... You had to crawl through a tunnel.

But it was the safest way, well, safe in the sense of no people. But if you look at the huge walls you crawl past, everything seems useless in terms of safety. A bad feeling slowly lines up in your stomach, something, something bad is going to happen.

Powder continues to crawl in front of you while she keeps one hand on the waist bag, you keep one on the Rotation Enforcer gadget for safety.

While it goes on, however, your mind is already thinking ahead, for all purposes.

They will definitely encounter opponents, and then they will have to fight. Although, Vi will be able to fight them, even if it depends a lot on the crowd and the opponent. Mylo, meanwhile, will free Vander, and Claggor is there to help.

You look forward, and at the same moment Powder looks back at you, and you can't help but smile a little. But still, the fire in her eyes is like Vi's, and that means that somehow everything will be alright.

And then we both come along, flatten the bad guys with our homemade bomb and save the day. No, we'll just save everyone! We'll prove to Vander and Vi that we're worth existing! We're here just like you, we're neither useless nor unimportant!

You can't avoid it: It all feels like the calm before the storm. The last time you were considered so unimportant was with your physical parents, and that ended with you running off and meeting Vander at the bridge. But here? Vander was trapped, people with a lot of power are trying to bring everything down and you have to survive somehow.

That's where the bad feeling in my stomach came from.

"All good Y/N?" Powder asks, with her head forward and a slow view out of the tunnel.

"...Yeah...All good." You answer, quietly and with a guilty conscience that you're not getting it for her, from your bad feeling.

So there you both were, outside, peeking through a window that was blocked by a pair of wooden planks. Powder scans the area while you try not to fall off the small stone step that was by the window because of your poor sense of balance.

You look through the window, and gasps. Vi is facing a man twice her height and width, it looks like an unwinnable fight, and right now that means you and Powder need to act as fast as possible.

The cool air that just touches every freed part of your skin. Your heartbeat, which is pounding through your whole body and stopping in your ears. The adrenaline pumping through your body and making all your limbs fidget.

A small rustle catches your attention, which at first seems like a shock that makes your eyes widen and your legs twitch, but it was harmless. Powder reaches into her pocket and pulls out one of her inventions:

The monkey doll, which is now transformed into your weapon.

Deckard, unknown to you, tops outside, bumps into the door where the others were and startles you. Powder startles, as do you, and slowly becomes jittery. It's getting harder to breathe, and it feels like the climax of your life is about to come.

Powder takes two of the crystals and puts them in gizmo's, the monkey's, container. She closes it quickly and looks behind, the monkey's trajectory seems to become clear. The two of you, in a moment of tension, put your heads together, feeling the warmth of hers, and she whispers something to the monkey.

"You have to Work...For us, okay?" Powder says, in a soft voice that gives you goose bumps and red spots on your cheeks.

She holds her forehead against it for a brief moment before she winds up her intention. She grabs the monkey through the window, taps it on the head and lets it run off with clapping cymbals. Your panic rises; if anything goes wrong, lives will end and yours probably will too.

Come on little monkey, just work.

While the Monkey walks, the cymbals clap and leave a sound. The crystals begin to crack and spark as they become more and more unstable with each hit.

The explosion will be damn strong, one stone was already enough in the apartment to take the whole building down, but we need one to save everyone.

Deckard stops his attack against the door, and turns to the monkey. His face holds a confused expression as he slowly looks down at the object. As you hide many meters away, panic slowly rises within you.

Because...

The bomb did not explode.

Something must have gone wrong.

You panic, turn backwards and look through the window. You couldn't see the monkey, but that only fueled your panic and the adrenaline in your blood. But the monkey wasn't far away, you would only have to take a few steps and you could detonate it manually.

Why didn't the monkey ignite? It should have exploded immediately when the cymbals banged because of the movement.

In that moment, you make a millisecond decision that changes everything and everyone.

"I'm sorry Powder."

You don't give her time to react, it would have been too painful for your heart and you wouldn't have been able to bear it. A quick foot on the floor and you throw yourself into the window, hear Powder's voice behind you and turn up.

And there you were for a second, straight out in front of Deckard. You literally jumped out of the corner, and his gaze met you immediately. Hungry veins drenched with Lillan fluid point in your direction as your eyes meet his.

You and Deckard, who remained focused on the enemy that faced them. But no matter how quickly he would have tried to react in this situation, you were far quicker:

You yank your right arm out of your coat pocket and pull out the Enforcer gadget, time seems to stand still as your eyes scan the whole situation once more, for the last time.

In front of you, right on the ground, is Powder's monkey bomb, which you now have to activate manually. A few meters in front of you Deckard, a monster disguised as a human, who was pumped full of drugs and would tear you apart in a second. But for everyone else present, the realization came a moment too late, putting you in the position of death.

With an outstretched right arm, you throw your self-named 'Steel Ball' at the Little Monkey Bomb with full force. For a moment, everyone looks from afar, even the people you didn't recognize at first: Silco and Sevika. As if the rest of the situation had become completely uninteresting, everyone looked at the little boy and the seemingly floating steel ball, which was flying towards the monkey at breakneck speed.

Your mind was completely blank, not a single thought dared to question your determination. But still, rooted somewhere in your mind was the knowledge of what was about to happen.

But unfortunately, the realization came a moment later to Deckard. And still a few moments later to the others. But it was too late.

But in the whole situation, you were already so far gone that there would never be a person who would understand your thought flow.

Even if I desperately tried to run away, the explosion would hit me anyway. So I can stop right here and take them all with me.

An Apology Is A Promise To Do Things Differently Next Time, And To Keep The Promise...

"Protect her"

I'm sorry Vi.

Everything simply exploded.

Your 'Steel Ball' didn't even get to pop on impact and let out the Thin Steel Wires. The monkey exploded within a fraction of a millisecond; the whole warehouse shakes, it flies into the air and the fire rises up into the sky, leaving a noticeable blue color and smoke.

Powder was launched from her position but... she wasn't scared. She had nothing to fear, she proved herself. And thus begins her love of explosions and the feeling of always having to prove herself to others.

Deckard was there one moment and gone the next, the explosion absolutely shredded him and threw him away. With that, the explosion made its way to Silco, but before it could wound him directly, Sevika shoved him back through a doorway and took the brunt of the explosion for him.

The Shimmer stockpile ignited into flames as the explosion made contact. The fire traveled down through the entire factory and made its way into a room where a scientist was consecrating. He barely had time to react before the fire engulfed him completely.

The blast entered the room where all of the others were. When one of the shards hit the ceiling, the blast knocked Claggor's goggles off and sent a splatter of his blood with it. He was thrown into the wall and died instantly, a nightmare for him, but a dream for the others.

A metal pipe stabbed Mylo's shoulder, sending him into the wall as well, but he wasn't dead. He looked over and saw his friend's body, but he couldn't find him alive. He tried to pry the pipe out of his shoulder but stopped when he heard the unforgettable sound of cracking. He looked up and could only watch as the concrete slabs fell on top of him. He didn't survive.

As Powder fell through the air, time slowed. She reached out and gently touched a particle of magic with her finger.

She was happy.

She proved herself.

And she was even prouder that you did the same.

Vander was lying on his front with a large stone slab on top of him, that had fallen from the ceiling along with the concrete that had fallen upon Mylo. The explosion had forced the door from its position and knocked Vi over, the door resting firmly on top of her unmoving figure.

Vander woke up slowly, grunting in pain as his whole body was riddled with pain. He looks around as best he can to take in his surroundings. That's when he sees the sights he wished he hadn't. He saw the limp arm of Mylo hanging out of the rubble. Then Claggor's goggles in the middle of the floor, cracked and bloodied.

But everyone was only hit by the shockwave, not like you. The direct explosion, the released energy was released from one second to the next and created a detonation that was unsurpassed.

And that's exactly where you were.

But your luck at that moment was second to none:

Your Steel Ball was swung over you by the shockwave, protecting you from all the building pieces falling on you. He jumps up, letting the steel wires radiate out and stopping many of them before they all hit you and kill you outright. But of course he can't stop everything.

A long and pointed wooden plank goes along the steel wires, but is not held in place. As you are burned by the explosion and pushed away, you land on your stomach, back up. At first you don't feel the pain at all, it doesn't feel like a plank of wood is stabbing through your ribs and intestines, tangling in them, hoping to rip them out miserably.

But of course that's not all: a few of the large piles of stones hit the steel wire and destroy your shield, saving your pathetic life from death. However, unfortunately for you, a large, sturdy stone falls straight down at high speed and buries your right arm.

But that's not all, in addition to the unbearable pain, because your brain can't create more adrenaline, there are the remaining stones that bury you alive. With a huge weight they press your weak little body to the ground and deny you any movement you could possibly think of.

So there you were, after everything you've been through so far: Buried alive, with a completely crushed arm and two spellbooks in the pockets of your cloak. Blood draining from your body. Oxygen slowly running out. Hope already extinguished. All were indicators of the condition you had only read about in books until now:

Death.

Normally you would be screaming now, for help or anything that your blood-filled lungs would allow. All your thoughts would end logically and with full hope that "someone will come and save me". But now? Most of the others were injured or dead. Because of you and Powder.

So you just stop thinking, breathing or simply living. You wouldn't be able to cope with the disappointment that you are any other way. Because of one thing you finally wanted to do right, so many have been hurt and died.

A little blood makes its way out of your mouth, even though you have already given up, you lift your head as far as you can and simply let the substance flow out. The red, warm, metal-tasting substance reads out of your mouth and stains the ground beneath you red. But through watery eyes you see the entire floor beneath you is red, not just through your mouth, but through your intestines and your crushed arm.

"Silco!"

What was it exactly, did you just hear a voice? Or are you already in a near-death experience and just needed a little push to the other side? But you think for a moment, it sounded like Vander, but deeper and more like a monster. But with this brief thought, the pain you are slowly feeling at full height and the feeling of failure, you give up.

But not quite.

You could hear another voice a few moments later, but only softly and interrupted by your loud heartbeats. It must have been Powder's, the only voice that sounded happy in this situation. With the last of your strength, which you thought had left you some time ago, you smile.

"Because you're a Jinx! DO YOU HEAR ME?! MYLO WAS RIGHT!"

The last power in your body gave its all to listen in, just before the end came. Everything else became quieter, the burning of the fire, the sound of the wind, your breathing and simply everything.

"No. No. No. No. Violet, please!"

The moment you stopped absolutely on your life, you missed something. On the one hand, the quiet weeping of Powder, but on the other hand...

Did you miss the blue light shining out from under the stone where your right arm is buried? You didn't see the piece of a corpse that came closer and closer to your arm either, but everything has its time.

And with that you speak your last words... At least before your rebirth as "The Sorcerer's Apprentice".

Powder... I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... I wanted to believe... I really wanted to believe that I could do something for once... Goodbye. Powder... goodbye.

---

Notes:

Holy shit, what a chapter! The end of a life will always come, whether before or through illness. But this death is already quite hard for someone like you, but it's only the consequence of your actions. Thanks for reading, as I said, leave kudos and a comment on this terrifying chapter!

[strawberry-writings]

୨⎯ Ithaqua with a reader who has a crush on him ⎯୧

���*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚You finally confessed in the snowy place of Leo's memory.˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

— ♡ When you first saw him you were fascinated with him. He seemed so amazing, his laugh, his abilites, and yeah...Whenever you see him you can't take your eyes off of him. There's just something special about him that pulls you in. You never told anyone about your crush on him, but once you did your close friend asked you this specific question.

"Have you seen his face though?"

Of course they wouldn't mean any offense by it. But they're actually right. You haven't seen his face, but you could care less. Appearance doesn't matter! Your eyes naturally gravitated towards him, and you always hoped that nobody would notice.

You often read books in the library since nobody is allowed to go outside the manor. Ithaqua often came in the library as well. You couldn't help but to always secretly look at him for so long.

You were quite obvious as well. Whenever you wouldn't see Ithaqua in the library, suddenly you only thought about where he could be. One time you were looking for the Night Watch because you couldn't find him anywhere and you made the great mistake of asking someone. The conversation went like this.

"Ah, excuse me? Have you seen the Night watch? I can't seem to find him anywhere."

You asked quietly to the Perfumer. She's known for having a loud mouth. She gasped and yelled out loudly.

"Do you have a crush on him!?"

The other survivors nearby looked at you two in confusion and or curiosity.

"I normally see him in the library! So wouldn't it be normal for me to wonder where he went?"

You desperately tried to reason with Vera. She just didn't buy it. Unfortunately for you, she always caught you looking at him everytime he was nearby and your body language changed as well.

Poor (name) was so obvious and couldn't hide their feelings for him. Not a while later a rumor went around saying that you had a crush on him and it was true. But that never stopped you from admiring Ithaqua. Due to your luck, you had to go against him in a match. Oh no, he probably already knew about the rumors. But strangely he decided to be friendly for this match because he wanted to speak to you.

He luckily found you first and looked at you. You couldn't tell if it was in curiosity, disgust, or maybe in adoration due to his mask. He reached his hand to take his mask off and behind it was a playful smile.

"So you're the one i heard that liked me a lot?"

He said in a mischievous tone but you could only admire his facial features. His eyes were beautiful, his cheeks had a slight tint of blush on it, his smile is adorable, and you could see his pretty hair as well.

"Ahaha! Rumors spread quickly don't they? I have no choice but to say yes. I actually do like you a lot..."

(name) replied with a stutter. Why were they so dumb? Ithaqua is gonna think they're weird and what if he hates them?

"I think you're cool! Your abilites are fascinating, and more..."

"What "more"?"

Ithaqua asked in a teasing tone. Just like he wanted to hear how much you liked him.

You quickly mumbled.

"Your voice, and that handsome face of yours."

He chuckled a bit at your response. So shy just for him, he hasn't had anyone admire him so much like this. Ithaqua thought of you as cute.

Ithaqua found you something new. He knew that your thoughts of him were different from the others, many thought neutrally of him but no one has thought this positively about him expect for his mother. He wants to get to know you more.

It feels like something big has happened with Ithaqua, he has never felt so curious about someone before.

"Do you want to grab a cup of tea with me sometime and have a chat? But of course, we could chat right now."

Ithaqua asked to the (hair colored) young person. (name) shyly replied back after realizing what they got themselves into.

"Ah, sure!"

While (name) and Ithaqua were having a good chat together, the other survivors were wondering what was happening. Why wasn't the hunter chasing them? And why couldn't anyone find (name) decoding. The two kept on endlessly talking throughout the match that they even forgot they were in one. Until the other survivors discovered them throwing snowballs at each other.

The other survivors kept quiet though. And whispered to each other instead to not attract any attention to them.

"Oh my, they seem like they would make a lovely couple. Their chemistry is so good."

The Entomologist said to the other survivors standing beside her. But the other survivor had to say something else that wasn't as positive.

"Aren't these types of relationships forbidden by the Baron? I find it unacceptable that a survivor and hunter would date."

The magician spat with venom. He couldn't believe that a survivor and a hunter could get into a relationship. He found the idea extremely weird.

But their thoughts don't matter. After all right now it was just you and Ithaqua. You can't feel any nervousness around him anymore, it's just like you two are meant to be.

That's their love story.

[magniloquent-raven]

Billy and El's relationship headcanons?

Yessss!! Always more than happy to talk about these two

I love El just kind of deciding that her and Billy are friends now. Billy gets no say in the matter.

She spends a lot of her time after Starcourt hanging out in his hospital room. Like, sitting in the corner quietly reading or practising her penmanship, anything that'll keep her occupied while Billy lays there and pretends to watch whatever's on TV. They don't really talk much. So Billy kind of figures Max put her up to this, keeping an eye on him. Or she's doing it out of some kind of obligation because he sort of saved her life.

The reality of it is that she doesn't feel quite at home living with the Byers yet, so she's finding any excuse to be elsewhere. And it just so happens that she wants to keep Billy company. It's a win-win.

When Billy gets out he figures he won't see her anymore. She's got her nerds to hang out with, she doesn't need to waste any more time on him now that everyone's pretty sure he's not gonna die.

Except the day after he moves into the tiny little apartment that some government stooge picked out for him, El shows up at his door with a gift bag in hand (Joyce introduced her to the concept of a housewarming present, and she was very excited about trying it out). It's already weird enough being on his own, trying to figure out how to live in his own space while he's relearning how to use his own body. He's navigating a lot of uncertainty, and then this kid comes along and he doesn't understand this either. It's a lot. He's going through a lot.

So he's a little too blunt when the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

She doesn't seem to notice the tone. Doesn't care that he's being rude. She just holds up the bag and smiles. "Making your house warm." She explains in careful, clipped sentences, that Joyce told her it's a thing friends do. That's the only part he really hears. Friends.

When he stepped between her and the Mind Flayer he didn't expect to get a friend out of it. He didn't expect anything but the pain that followed. The blood. The plan was to be a temporary shield for someone who deserved to live more than he did. He did his job. Max has never thanked him for it, why should anyone else.

He's not sure why her declaration makes his eyes well up. He doesn't really want to think about it that hard, if he's perfectly honest. It's awkward enough trying to blink away tears while some kid he barely knows intently watches him pull wads of tissue paper off a lumpy pile of...blanket? There's a fuzzy green throw blanket at the bottom of the bag, and he's not sure if that's going to make him laugh or cry some more.

By the time Mrs. Byers shows up that evening, he's feeling a little less emotionally unstable. A little. She spent the day helping him shelve all the books he never bothered unpacking after Neil moved them to Indiana. Every so often she'd ask what one was about, and always with refreshingly unbiased curiosity, never why do you have that or I wouldn't have expected you read something like this.

He knows a little about where she's from, memories the Mind Flayer left behind, impressions and echoes. He knows enough to understand why she is the way she is.

It occurs to him after she leaves that she knows just as much, if not more about him. The realization gives him vertigo, the bottom of his stomach dropping away. But despite that, he wonders if it's a good thing. They don't have to explain themselves to each other, they can just. Be friends. Might be nice.

bonus tidbits:

Billy lets El have a beer one time and she deeply regrets asking for one, because it's gross. She has to use his mouthwash twice and she's still making disgusted faces about it like an hour later

El's canon habit of dressing like people she spends a lot of time with. She hangs out with Billy for like two months and ends up getting a Joan Jett rocker shag. She steals a jean jacket from Jonathan. She likes his earring but when he tells her how ear piercing works she gets really upset because needles scare her. So he buys her some clip-ons

Max hates how much time they spend together, at first. She's jealous that they're so close. Both of them are people she's really wanted to like her but initially rejected her, and now they're just automatically each other's BFFs? How is that fair? But it's hard to stay angry when Billy seems so much happier nowadays, and she knows El has trouble making friends

It takes Billy a long time to get comfortable around Joyce. When she comes by to pick El up she's always so friendly and. Mom-like. One time she gave him a little pat on the shoulder and said she hopes he's doing okay all alone up here, before she left with El, and he spent the next ten minutes sitting on the floor in tears

Personally, I've always HCd El as a lesbian, I just think it would take her SO much to actually figure it out, because her relationship with Mike is kind of the first thing she latched onto after leaving the lab, so it would be hard to come to terms with what that attachment really is. But I like toying with the idea of her being introduced to the idea of what queerness even is via Billy's memories. She's scared to bring it up for a long time, it was something she only saw because he had so many memories of being made to feel bad about it, she doesn't quite understand all the shame and the anger, but it makes the idea of being gay scary. After she looked into Billy's memories she started to notice the things people say in real life, the attitudes they have, now that she's got context for what that kind of stuff means. And she doesn't know who to talk to about it other than Billy. Which would not go well at first, because it's Billy. But after they talk it out he'd be soooo much more protective of her, like. Insisting on driving her any time she wants to go somewhere, glowering at literally everybody who looks at her funny. Kinda hovering around waiting for there to be someone to beat the shit out of for her.

El being made aware of queerness being a thing might make her more likely to notice Will's gay too tbh, and then she'd be super protective of him. El ends up at Billy's place super agitated one day and ends up telling Billy the things she heard people saying about Will, and Billy's like, oh, well. I may have to run some kids over, okay.

[httpkaulitz]

could you write a fluff where the reader and Tom get into a fight and then he goes out and late he arrives drunk and she takes care of him? I love your write pookie <3

Drunk

PAIRINGS: Tom x Female reader

CONTENT: Fluff

SYNOPSIS: You take care of drunk Tom.

WARNINGS: none

You stared at the page of the book without actually reading the words. It had been hours since everything had happened, but the thoughts and memories still continued to run through your mind like a movie. You wanted to say that you weren't sad and that you hadn't cried, but you would be lying.

You and Tom always argued like every couple, and you always made up soon after. But this time was different. You exchanged very harsh words and you were both too hurt to try to understand each other.

Tom had left, slamming the door loudly after looking at you hurt.

You woke up to your cell phone ringing non-stop. Tom wasn't home yet so you decided to go to bed early to avoid any future arguments. You opened your eyes slowly, reached out clumsily to grab your cell phone from the bedside.

"Gustav? Did something happen?" You asked worriedly, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You looked at the clock on the bedside and the red light was flashing 2:27 in the morning. Gustav would never call at this hour.

"Yes... can you open the door for me?" He sighed looking tired.

"I am going." You got out of bed and walked towards the door, stumbling a little on the way because of your sleep. You opened the door and Gustav had Tom leaning on his shoulder.

"My God what happened?" You quickly ran over to him helping him carry Tom to the couch.

"I don't know. He called me and I found him like this. It seems like he spent the day drinking, so the fight must have been for some stupid reason." Gustav said trying to make everything sound less than it really was. He knew you well enough to know that you wouldn't like the situation at all.

"Hey, you said you weren't going to bring me here." Tom mumbled in a slurred voice. Anyone could see that he was completely drunk.

"You, quiet." You said angrily pointing your finger at Tom's face.

"Don't point fingers at me. You shouldn't even open the door dressed like that." He shouted, blatantly looking at your body, smiling.

You were so worried about the possibility that something serious had happened to your friend that you didn't even bother to change your clothes. The nightgown was a completely short blue dress and showed more than it should. You just rolled your eyes and turned your attention to Gustav.

"Sorry, you didn't need to waste your time bringing this idiot. You could have left him on the street." You said taking Gustav to the door. He looked at you with a warning look even though he knew you weren't serious.

"I know... it's just that I had a very long day, which apparently isn't over." You look at the sofa and see Tom try to get up, grimace in pain and fall back into his seat.

"Do you need help with him?" Gustav asked worriedly.

"No, you've already helped enough." You almost laughed at your friend's relieved expression. "You can take his car, you won't walk home because of a drunk." You shouted the last part so Tom could hear and he mumbled a bunch of incomprehensible things making Gustav laugh.

"Thanks, don't be too hard on him. Good night." He hugged you, already heading towards the exit.

"Don't defend him." You complained, moving away from Gustav who laughed in his face. "Good night, be careful on your way home."

You took a deep breath and walked over to the couch. Tom was still the same way you and Gustav had left him, he tried to get up a few times, but gave up when he realized he couldn't do it alone.

"Let's go." You said more to yourself than to Tom. You pulled him by his arms, helping him get up, put one of his arms around your neck and started walking towards the bedroom.

"Okay, just a little more." You whispered with difficulty as you lost your balance and hit one of the walls in the hallway.

When you arrived in the room, you let go of Tom, who fell back onto the bed, pulling you with him. He leaned up trying to kiss you but you pulled away.

"Stop it, Tom." You said pushing him away.

Tom held you against him until you stopped trying to get away. "You look really pretty dressed like that." He said, lowering one of the straps of the nightgown and letting it hang on your shoulder.

"And you're really drunk." You looked at Tom, he had the same wolfish smile, but his mouth was swollen and a large purple spot was starting to form in the corner. You let go of his arms, finally managing to stand.

''You would look prettier without any clothes on.'' Tom whispered, sitting up and trying to grab you by the waist.

''Tom, stop it. Take off your clothes and lie down on the bed.'' You pushed his hands away, taking a deep breath. You were still upset about the fight earlier, but there was no point talking about it now.

''That's what I'm talking about.'' He said, laughing and tugging at the hem of his nightgown.

You rolled your eyes, slapping Tom's hand away. You rested your knee on the mattress and pulled Tom's shirt over his head.

''Don't even think about sleeping until I'm done.'' You mumbled, noticing his sleepy state.

''I'm not sleepy.'' He replied, with a drunken wave.

You unbuckled his belt with a quick movement. ''You're good at that.'' He said smiling, Tom raised his head to look at you who was completely serious and focused on your work.

''Shut up.'' You said irritably, unbuttoning his jeans and moving them down his legs. You threw it to the ground and stood with your hands on your hips, breathing heavily.

''Come on.'' You pulled his hands trying to lift him up.

''Where are we going?'' He asked confused.

'No way you're going to sleep next to me stinking of alcohol.'' Tom just grumbled in response without wanting to get out of bed.

''Come on, Tom.'' You sighed, dragging him to the bathroom.

He grumbled again, doing nothing to help. In the best case scenario, he ended up putting more weight on you.

''Stay here, I'll turn on the shower.'' You said, placing Tom on the toilet.

You turned on the shower, changed it from hot to cold and waited for the water to change temperature. You felt Tom wrap his arms around your waist and press your body against his.

''Can't you stay quiet even when you're falling down drunk?'' You asked, not expecting an answer.

''Are you still mad at me?'' Tom asked when you moved his arms away from your waist.

''You hate me now.'' Tom said in his drunken state pouting.

''I'm sure I don't hate you.'' You said laughing and turning to look at Tom, he had taken off his underwear and was now completely naked. You quickly looked up at Tom's face, which was smiling smugly.

''Don't pretend you don't like what you see.'' He smiled, naughty. You smiled and pushed Tom under the shower.

He grunted when he felt the cold water and tried to get out, but you pushed him back under the water.

''It's cold.'' He complained.

''This will help with your drunkenness, and you'll thank me tomorrow.'' After a while more listening to Tom complain about the cold water, and other things that you didn't understand because he spoke so quietly. You turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.

''I'm not sleepy.'' Tom complained as you put him in bed and covered him with the duvet.

''Tom please, it's early in the morning and today was very stressful, just be quiet, okay?'' You asked softly, walking away towards the hallway, but Tom held your hand and pulled you back.

''Will you sleep here with me?'' He asked sleepily, already snuggling into the soft covers. There were few times that you slept apart after a fight.

''Do you think I would not sleeping in my comfortable bed because of you?'' You raised an eyebrow seeing Tom smile at your sarcastic tone.

''Smart girl.'' He whispered letting go of your hand.

You walked to the living room to get your cell phone, Gustav had left messages saying he had arrived home safe.

You looked at the time on your cell phone screen 03:15am. You was exhausted, confused and stressed. You walked back to the room and found Tom already asleep. His body was sprawled out on the bed, his head tilted to the side and from the messy state of the bed you knew he had moved a lot until he found a comfortable position.

The duvet had come down leaving his body exposed, the light coming in through the window was enough for you to enjoy the view of his subtle and completely perfect muscles. You felt your face heat up and you knew you were blushing, when your eyes traveled further down his torso, following the trail, eagerly, as if it were a map that would lead you to the pot of gold.

''Stop it, you're still mad at him.'' You whispered to yourself pushing away your lewd thoughts. You put the cell phone on the bed, and pulled the blanket covering Tom's body.

As soon as you lay down next to him, he brought his body closer to yours, hugging you around your waist. You smiled as you watched him sleep peacefully. You guys would be fine.

[666writingcafe]

Hello! Really enjoy your blog in its entirety! 💙

If you’re able, I’d like to order “Yeah, but they don’t fuck you the way you deserved to be fucked, do they?” with Diavolo 🫣. He’s one of my faves.

Order #9

"Yeah, but they don't fuck you the way you deserve to be fucked, do they?" Diavolo

Featuring a Letter That He Actually Sent One Day

My darling MC,

As you know, there are some things a prince must never say out loud in order to keep his reputation intact. To not behave properly would be considered a public disgrace. I try my best to keep my composure, but there are times where there are visible cracks in my armor. At least, visible to those who know what they're looking for. I'm used to Barbatos reading me like an open book, for he believes the information is necessary for him to serve me to the best of his ability.

You, on the other hand, have caught me off guard.

You asked me over dinner the other evening what was wrong, and when I tried brushing you off with a smile, you told me that my eyes didn't match the rest of my face. I lied and replied that I was tired. You didn't buy it.

And yet you knew to drop the subject.

Perhaps that's why I feel comfortable opening up to you a bit now, in this letter. You won't run off and have my emotions published on the front page for all to see; you know how to be discreet.

With that in mind, I suppose it's time for me to admit the truth: I am a very jealous man. It can make me rather possessive sometimes, especially if what I desire is another person.

I want you, MC. And there is a part of me that is tired of sharing you with others.

Now, I know all too well that I can't keep you all to myself. You have your own life, and it would be wrong of me to ask you to throw that away for my sake. I should accept the fact that I am among your close group of friends and lovers and drop the subject all together. But no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to block those feelings out.

Probably because I've never had much practice with doing that. For better or for worse, I'm used to getting what I want, and I seldom have to repeat myself in order to be heard. I'm sure that if I told everyone to stay away from you because you were mine, they would listen. Oh, there would be some initial pushback, especially from the brothers, but they'd fall in line eventually.

You'd see to it that my plan would never work, though. Don't get me wrong; I admire the fact that you're not afraid to stand up to me. It's one of the many reasons why I'm so drawn to you. You'll put me in my place the minute I start acting up. I just wish I could do the same to you. Not in any real life-threatening way, of course. I'm not that cruel. I was imagining something a bit more intimate.

To put it simply, I don't think anyone else fucks you the way you deserve to be fucked. Not the brothers nor Solomon nor Barbatos nor even Simeon (although I know he's trying his hardest). Clearly, they're all adequate enough for you to keep returning to them, and I'm happy that you're receiving what you desire out of them.

But I don't think it's enough. You're more than welcome to chew me out for writing this if any of it is inaccurate, but based on my own observations, this is what I've come to believe you need fulfilled.

You want someone who can shut your brain off. You have a lot of responsibilities, and that often has you going a million miles per hour as you take care of everyone's needs. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to sit back and let someone else take the reins, even for only a few hours? Would you be able to trust me enough to allow me to have my way with you every once in a while?

I want to make you fall apart. I know that desire is not unique to me, but unlike the others, I don't have to rely on magic or toys for that to happen. I can simply use my body to achieve my desired effect over you.

There's no pressure, of course. If you'd like to forget ever reading this letter, I can always have Barbatos wipe it from your memory, and we don't ever have to talk about this again. But if you are interested, you know where to find me.

Your not-so-humble prince,

Dia

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @budbuddnbuddy

[panlight]

you're post about what would happen if SM didn't follow up after Eclipse with Breaking/Forever Dawn (what a timeline that could've been... 😔) had this line that made me think:

I think you could still include some plot with the Volturi if the group Jane lead in Eclipse picked up any evidence of the wolf shifters and reported it back to Aro.

it made me think about Eclipse where they tried to hide the werewolves' existence from the Volturi...or I guess involvement? (I'll get to that later) and then later in Breaking Dawn where Aro is fascinated by the pack

thing is.....wouldn't the Volturi (or at least Aro) already know? Aro's whole thing is seeing every thought (maybe even memory) that went on in your mind from I guess the first thought you ever had to the present, and just from Edward alone he could've already known about the "werewolves" they had a run in with when they made a treaty in the past.

and even if that was a long time ago, from having touched Alice (who did in fact learn and met the recent resurfacing of the Quileute wolves) it surely would've raced some suspicions? or maybe even have an idea that "huh, are these people they had a treaty with part of the Children of the Moon too?"

now it makes me wonder the full extent of just how much of your thoughts Aro can read, or if Edward's "he hears every thought your mind has ever had" just being dramatic (like he isn't already with his chosen method of offing himself. lol.)

Yeah I've often wondered about this, too. Aro makes it pretty clear in New Moon that he knows all about Alice from being "introduced" to her by Edward via the mind-reading, but is it like an instant download that he immediately just knows or is it more like a book he has to flip through, and maybe he hasn't gotten to the wolf stuff yet because it wasn't as immediately interesting to him as Alice's powers?

I think again it's probably a function of the books being written out of order, because he for sure could pull the "well I'd love to let you go home to my dear friend Carlisle, but alas, you have been fraternizing with werewolves and brother Caius has a problem with that :( " and try to coerce them to stay in Volterra to serve him to spare the other Cullens or whatever. Like he could have so easily just villain'd it up but he couldn't because they HAD to go home and finish high school and get married and have Renesmee.

I guess in my theoretical sequel-to-Eclipse he did find out about them when he touched Edward and Alice in New Moon but he just put it on the back burner and didn't mention it to Marcus or Caius and could have pulled it out later in this not-BD. That is, instead of the Irina thing, Aro could have pretended to be shocked by what Jane was telling him after reporting back after Eclipse (OMG werewolves?! no way! surprisedpikachu.gif) and used the "alliance" with the shifters to go after the Cullens. "To fraternize with the enemy is one thing, but to work with them to kill other vampires is quite another!!" etc.

And I still don't think we talk enough about the danger Edward put the whole family in by choosing Volterra as his would-be suicide method. Edward, my buddy, you gave all the family secrets to Aro. More than he would have gotten from anyone else because you, too, are a mind-reader. I mean at the very least Rosalie and Jasper should be pissed about that. If his plan to die had succeeded, he would have left them not only with the grief over his passing but the fallout from Aro knowing all about Alice (and everyone else, too).

[ravenclawloverofseverussnape]

Lily was a pretty, popular 15 year old, who behaved like all pretty popular 15 year old queen bees. She was fearless, resolute, affectionate to many and admirably sure of herself but also thoughtless, self-centred, lacking in empathy, reactive, quick to deflect blame and expected to be worshipped. In short, she was the golden child. She’d have grown out of her worst qualities and into her best ones, but unfortunately never got the chance. Severus had her on a pedestal despite there being an undertone of classist contempt in all her interactions with him even as children because he had nothing else to measure her up against. And then she was murdered, it was partially his fault, and that pedestal got raised 100 feet higher. He really needed a true ride-or-die friend (or ideally, an adult who wasn’t worthless) and never had one. I don’t know if JKR intended Lily and Severus to read as a ride-or-die friendship that he fucked up by being awful, but that’s not what she put on the page. She put on the page a brittle childhood friendship of convenience that was doomed to fail once Lily found less weird people to hang out with.

I don't know which user sent me this but thank you very much, you inspired me to make this post.

I agree, because the interactions I've seen in the books don't help me much: there are people who think that she didn't see the extent of the Marauders' bullying of Snape, I respect that point of view but I don't agree with it for one thing.

Professor Slughor said she was very intelligent, which i would have let slide, but does she believe everything the other Gryffindors tell her that Severus? Is she so gullible that she believed that James really saved Severus?

Severus tells her that he went to find out what's wrong with Remus, so that everyone can see that the Marauders are not heroes, what does Lily do? She accuses him of being obsessed with them, Lily says that Mulciber put a spell on Mary (a Gryffindor girl who happens to defend her) and when Severus points out that is exactly what the Marauders do to him, she He talks about how: "at least they don't use dark arts" which that simple phrase drives me crazy because for any good friend it wouldn't matter if they used dark arts, I would support them to defend themselves in any way, because Severus didn't use dark arts when he was a student to torture, but rather; in case of defending himself, to occupy him.

I'm going to say something, do you really think she's smart? If she were really smart she would have tried to ask Severus' version, not even a simple: are you okay? did anything happen to you? she didn't even ask that and for me that's a failure.

Lily is the one who blames Severus for the bullying he receives at school, you know with that of "at least they don't use dark arts? If she's so smart, why the hell doesn't she know that there's an entire school that teaches (to a certain extent?) the dark arts, she doesn't empathize with anyone, if she was such a good friend why didn't she get help for Snape? And the only time she "defends" him, she doesn't do it well.

Side note: any spell, be it washing or levitation can do damage depending on how the user uses it, the dark arts must be explored to defend against them, whether they are dark arts or not they do damage anyway.

In Snape's worst memory he only talks to James , I saw an interesting post where she mentions that Lily points out that James changes when she's around, good girl you're on the right track, she takes out her wand but..... doesn't she do magic with Item? If she's so smart, doesn't she know how to do non-verbal spells? and I would let it go that maybe she didn't defend him because she was scared of Sirius and Peter, but isn't she supposed to be popular? she could have called someone or just come in fighting.

Or he could have undone the spell but what did he do? He spoke to James alone, only taking out his wand to show.

Later Severus calls her a mudblood, she coldly replies: I would wash my pants Snivellus which only gives me a hint: Lily knows that Severus is poor, the theory that "Lily doesn't know the extent of Severus' domestic abuse and bullying" no longer applies, this little snippet confirms it for me.

Then we move on to the scene, Snape apologizes to Lily, she argues that he calls people like her mudbloods, why would that be any different, at which point I tear my hair out, because it shows that she is capable of tolerating insults as long as they are not directed at her, because if they are directed at her now it is a problem.

Then she marries James Potter, which (Snape aside) makes him a masochist to me, because who would go out and marry a sex offender? (take note: the worst memory was sexual harassment) James went on to harass her and what do they come up with? becoming parents in the middle of a war.

Then there's the hunt for the Potter family, anyone would think that Lily would have her wand on hand or even James would have it on hand in case Voldemort could find them, but no, that night Lily forgot that she is a witch (here I criticize the writing of this character).

In short: I don't like how superficial she is, her mentality that Gryffindors can do whatever they want because they are good, her lack of understanding of Severus' situations, how manipulable she is that she falls into the absurd, the fact that they want to sell her to me as "Miss Perfect" makes me a little angry.

[nethhiri]

Siren Charms: Chapter 3

Zoro x Siren!Reader

Warnings: None

Sea Vampires

"Zoro!" Nami's are were folded across her chest and she was impatiently tapping her foot. "I just had this cleaned yesterday. Why are you going for midnight swims?" 

"I don't know why she's so upset when we cleaned it," Usopp muttered to Brook.

"Yeah, Mosshead!" Sanji added his two cents, simply to suck up to Nami. "Stop making such a beautiful woman's life hard!" 

Zoro stood on the deck confused. Yes there were wet footsteps, yes his clothes were wet, but he didn't remember going for a swim. And he was pretty sure he wouldn't do so at night while he was supposed to be on watch. 

"Nah, little lady, I don't think it was Zoro." Franky scratched his chin. "This happened before, a fe days ago." 

Zoro rubbed his neck. Why did it feel so sore?

"Your neck bothering you too? Mine was feeling funny the other morning." Usopp frowned. 

Chopper hopped up and down, attempting to get a better view. "Let me see!" 

They both sat where Chopper could get a better look at them. The reindeer poked and prodded at them, observing the strange crescent-shaped mark. The one on Usopp was silvery-pink, like it would be completely healed in a few days. The one on Zoro was bright pink, like it was a scratch that was fairly freshly healed. 

"Does anyone else have a mark like that?"

Nami and Sanji both raised their hands.

"Oh my god! I've heard about this," Usopp dropped to the deck and wailed. "We're all doomed. It's- It's the Sea Vampires." Usopp continued. "They only feed on the most handsome pirates and they do it so slowly you won't notice until it's too late and you're a pile of dust on the ground!"

"Hmmm," Brook's lilting voice piped up, "I don't think so. I don't have that mark and I'm pretty handsome." 

"You don't have blood!"

"Good point. YOhohoho." 

Robin, who had been reading her book on deck, overhearing the conversation, made a suggestion. "Why don't you have two people on watch tonight, Luffy? The Sea Vampire can't feed on two people at once. You can watch each others' backs." Robin made her signature grin and cocked her head. "May I be so bold as to suggest Usopp? He seems to know a lot about them." Robin didn't believe him of course, but it did stir up vague memories of another folk tale, if she could just remember what book it was from. 

"WHA-" Usopp cleared his throat. "I mean yes I do know a lot about them so you should probably not put me on watch. What if I was eaten? Then you would be stuck without any information." He folded his arms and nodded his head once, resolutely.

Luffy had definitely not been listening to the majority of the conversation, completely fascinated by some little fish swimming just off the bow. "Great idea, Robin! And Zoro can be the second. He would never let you get eaten. Right, Zoro?"

"Well, I'll probably have to let him get chewed on a little as a distraction for the vampire. Then I can chop its head off."

"What if you hit me!?"

"Then it was a noble sacrifice." Zoro smirked. Of course he had more precision than that. 

[belltrigger]

Submastober Day 20!

Inspiration: There's an older OC-tober prompt-list here that I am using.

Title: He Knows, Okay?

Prompt: Death

Word count: 707

Synopsis: Emmet has a young sounding speech pattern, but ever since Ingo disappeared, people have started treating him like he's too young to understand things.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

It wasn't as though Emmet didn't know that death was A Thing.

For one thing, Emmet was nearly thirty years old. He wasn't sure how anyone thought he'd gotten to that age without becoming aware of what death was. It was in movies, tv shows, and books. Sure, he liked to read about trains, schematics and history, but even trains could be deadly if not properly maintained. (Not that he would ever let something like that happen in the Subway.) Even romance stories sometimes had death in them. People had to believe he had no interest in popular culture to make it to this age without at least a passing awareness.

For another thing, Ingo had a ghost pokémon as a partner. Obviously, ghosts couldn't exist without death, right? Even Ingo, who loved Chandelure greatly, always warned about how dangerous she could be. If not watched carefully, all of Chandelure's evolution line was capable of stealing life force. Litwick had been particularly naughty when they were kids, and Emmet had more than once found Ingo groggy after letting Litwick misbehave and eat some of his life energy. Well, Ingo called it groggy, Emmet called it passed out.

Even with Ingo's too permissive behavior of Litwick when they were younger, Ingo never came close to dying. Emmet was always able to find him before Litwick snacked too much, and Emmet had more than once scolded her over getting carried away. Once, she had flared her wick at him; by the time Ingo woke up, they were deep in an argument over how Ingo wasn't allowed to be eaten.

Yes, Emmet knew what death was. But just because he knew didn't mean he could accept that as a descriptor for his beloved twin.

Despite explaining this to people, they still continued to insist that Ingo being missing for this long surely meant the worst. The word 'dead' never came up directly; it was always skirted around, people used euphemisms because they were too uncomfortable to say what they were thinking. Emmet was always polite but firm when he countered people who insisted Ingo was dead. He did say the word - if they were going to assume his brother, the other half of his two car train, was such a thing, then they best say it outright.

Thinking back on it, maybe Emmet was not polite.

But! What else was he supposed to do when people insisted that he give up the search for his brother, when they wanted him to believe that Ingo must be dead? For the first time ever in the entirety of his career, Emmet banned someone from the subway for coming to him with the offer of organizing a memorial for Ingo. Although Emmet thought he kept his composure, Cloud asked him if he was okay after the now Perma-Banned-Passenger was escorted out.

Emmet answered as honestly as he could, because he couldn't lie to Cloud. No, he was definitely not okay. Ingo was missing and he'd lost any viable leads and now people wouldn't stop telling him Ingo was dead. Even when Emmet said it wasn't true, they kept saying it. It was rude! And frustrating! And-!

Clenching his hands into fists at his sides, Emmet only stopped pouring his heart out when his vision became blurry with tears. Even though Cloud wouldn't think less of him for it, Emmet tugged his cap brim down to cover his eyes. Cloud would understand, but Emmet still wanted to maintain the proper image of a Subway Boss. If nothing else, Ingo would be disappointed in him if he caused too much discomfort for their important guests of the subway.

Cloud and Ramses intercepted anyone who looked as though they were seeking Emmet out for anything other than a pokémon battle. He wasn't in the mood to battle with his thoughts occupied with plans on how to find Ingo, but he went through it anytime someone asked him to. Emmet lost more battles during Ingo's disappearance than he ever had before then. Without Ingo around as his friendly rival, wins and losses didn't feel as important.

Emmet knew what death was. And with Ingo gone, Emmet thought he might know what death felt like, too.

[scarabsinthestardust]

I wanted to share a story. It's one of those distant memories that you mostly forget about until it gets dredged up, one way or another. Like those memories you block out until your therapist pushes you to look back, to search for whatever incident altered your mental state and and caused your initial trauma.

In middle and high school, I wrote a lot. I had countless notebooks filled with silly, fictional stories, mostly dumb fantasy stories about cliche "main character" girls with red eyes and emo vibes. I was more likely to be writing during class instead of actually paying attention. I'd never let anyone read them, though, except maybe a select one or two people.

I started writing a new piece, a fantasy about a kingdom of winged demons and the human girl who gets captured and imprisoned by them. Looking back now, it really was dumb. But it was going to be THE ONE. This was the one I was going to turn into a book. This is the one I would send to get published, that would make it onto the shelves at my local Barnes & Noble.

In my junior year of high school, I got into a relationship. I fell in love, gave up my virginity, etc. Ultimately, I stayed with him for three years. Even though he was never physically abusive, he definitely was on an emotional level. He would tear me down constantly. When I would share my dreams, things I wanted to do, things I strived for, he would tell me that I was being stupid and that it would never happen. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until later on down the road, after our relationship ended. When my loved ones would tell me I was in trouble, that he wasn't treating me right, I brushed it off. "He wouldn't do that. He loves me. That's just how we are with each other." When I did finally end it, it took three tries. I'd cave when he threatened to kill himself and I'd forgive him - a classic manipulation tactic. But I did finally get out, and moved on.

During this relationship, however, I was still writing. I'd reached 27 chapters of my book, probably hundreds of hours of work put into it. After an argument with my boyfriend, he went onto my laptop and erased all of it. I was young and didn't really know anything about "backing it up" at the time. So it was lost.

I tried to rewrite it, but I couldn't get it to flow again. Maybe it was because I was just so discouraged, but I couldn't get the words to come. So I stopped.

That was around 2011/2012. I didn't start trying to write again until December 2023.

It started with some silly video game fanfiction, but just writing again was making me feel a sense of happiness I hadn't really felt in a long time.

Then I found Greta Van Fleet, and immersed myself in that fandom. I fought a little, I guess against the stigma of a grown woman writing fanfiction about real people. I was embarrassed. But as the words and ideas started flowing again, a short little Jake fanfic turning into a multi-chapter story, I realized this was what I needed. So I kept going, kept expanding. I let someone read them, and she had nothing but good things to say, eventually convincing me to post it online.

I was terrified to put my writing out there publicly, for strangers to see, but the response has been awe-inspiring. To read all the lovely feedback from people that are AMAZING writers themselves, it was such a surreal feeling. And it's pushed me to keep going, even when it gets a little hard or I get stuck, I just keep writing. Because that's what I want to do, what I've always wanted to do.

So, to all the people that have taken the time to read what I've put out there, you're wonderful. I appreciate you all more than you will ever know.

[sunlitlemonade]

y'all can actually 100% disagree with me on this. like genuinely. but every time ian is mentioned and alex is like 'he was training me into something i never wanted to be' i have to take a second and wonder if it was actually like that or if he's just a teenager who never even knew his parents finding out the only living relative he had, the one who brought him up, was something alex never expected him to be. he must feel untethered and betrayed. add to that the trauma he was so nicely handed on a platter right after ian's death and seeing that the skills he had been taught by ian actually helped him. there must be so much bitterness. i think that's part of the reason why every memory mentioned then on is just,,,, tainted with that visceral mix of emotions he never got to process.

lemme show y'all some snippets from Spy Trap. it's a short story set between Skeleton Key and Eagle Strike. anyone who hasn't read it/doesn't want to, the gist is: alex and crawley are in 'car crash' and alex wakes up in a place which acts like a rehabilitation center for MI6 operatives after missions with absolutely ZERO memory of what happened for him to get there. truth is alex and crawley are being kept on a steady diet of drugs to keep them confused and loose to extract valuable intel under the guise of therapy sessions and there was never any car crash. they were drugged and brought in. it was not a hospital for MI6 agents but a set up by foreign intelligence. with all of that in mind - y'know that alex is clearly very disturbed and agitated and under the influence of bad bad stuff - lets see what he has to say about ian [and i know i put a significant chunk here but bear with me]

do you notice how he was prompted into saying what ian wanted from him when dr feng said 'and he wanted you to be a spy too'? for real, with conviction, i know for a fact that he would have refused to elaborate/volunteer any information on ian just the way he did with jack. he wouldn't have said another word. not if that sore spot wasn't hit. and in the very last section we see it boil down to him feeling like luckiest boy in the world but learning he was lied to. we see it all came down to 'I don't even know what Ian really felt about me. Did he like me or did he just want to use me?'

tell me this isn't a boy that hasn't had every memory he had with his uncle overshadowed and tainted by grief and lies. he just wanted love and i truly do think ian loved him. maybe that's just me but hey you're reading my post and i for one am incapable of being normal about these guys.

just think about it - alex was ian's only remaining family too. tell me ian wasn't worried that the way john's work had caught up with him and had gotten him killed, the same might happen to him too? or maybe one day alex could be used as leverage against him and he wanted alex to be ready to defend himself? ok, you might say 'but sunny. that explains the martial arts and physical fitness. what about all the extreme sports and other skills.' well there's this lovely little post by @lapseinart that might give you a little insight. besides, we are working on very little material because we really don't know much about ian except the fact that he was one of the best operatives MI6 had and was important to alex and his competency as a spy.

anyways so immediately after this he says:

and you can see him actively trying to put the session behind him because he seemed to verbally admitted to things he hadn't even admitted to himself before.

idk. i just have a lot of emotions and thoughts but its very interesting to see it progress from 'ian had taught him *insert skill* which is useful here!' to 'ofc another thing ian taught him to discreetly make him into something he didn't want to be'. there's never any proof that ian did that to turn him into a spy [at least as far as i remember lmao. i read the books years back and am on the 4th one on the reread. so my memory of the rest of the books is pretty hazy. correct me if im wrong lol] we never will have a concrete answer because well. ian's dead lmao. we'll never know what he had in mind for alex and why exactly he did all of this. but also,,, the way sorrow and lividity at being lied to twists alex's way of thinking about ian is Something Else.

[tea-with-eleni]

Meanwhile, in Darkon...

Yeah so Escher's dead.

Sparknotes:

If you've ever read War Against Azalin (I know tis not a common read) Strahd did manage to rules lawyer the prohibition against darklords leaving their domain. Not easily. Not without some morally icky stuff. But he's done it before, specifically to get to Darkon.

Anyway. He used that method, on Escher, to infiltrate Darkon and attack the party. Along with a handful of zombies and nosferatu. the nosferatu are interesting. they may make another appearance except they're so susceptible to radiant damage and BOY HOWDY can our party do radiant damage.

The party fought back and, after some debate, killed Escher.

Strahd sucks.

There we go. Slightly longer version (with spoilers!) under the cut.

Yeah so, uh, the wizard chose to sleep with Escher last session.

Only....

yeah.....

that wasn't exactly escher.......

that was Strahd using Escher.............

Which.

Squick.

In our version of events, which includes the War Against Azalin and most of Azalin's books too, Ludmilla was Strahd's original text subject for his possession circlet/potion combo. At the time, she was spawn. At the time, Strahd released her and used the circlet/potion possession combo on some mercenary since it didn't suit him to keep using her.

She repressed it as much as she could, helped greatly by the general fog on the memories of anyone except Strahd/Azalin about the events of the war.

But yeah, she and Volenta are Not Okay after seeing what happened to Escher. Like. Not okay enough that Volenta actually ensured they didn't just stake Escher and leave him to die in the sun, but gave him a pretty quick and merciful death. She never cared for Escher and they've very carefully not mentioned what happens if you stake a vampire to keep the party from getting any ideas, but there are some things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

well.

maybe they'd wish them on Strahd.

yeah, no, they'd definitely wish them on Strahd.

Ireena's now pushing for splitting the party, Girl Squad takes one of the remaining fanes, the boys take the other, regroup and tear Strahd's fucking head off if they can.

My players finished the session a little shell-shocked, I think. Emotions Were Had. They're going to find a cemetery (if there's one thing Darkon has in abundance, it's cemeteries) next session and maybe also message Firan Zal'honen, who is prepping for a party where he can take some Serious Revenge on a certain Lord Darkalus for killing his son, Irik. I'm sure that will go very well for him.

Ludmilla isn't sharing her spellbook, in part because she does not trust the wizard who clearly has his own very complicated opinions about Strahd (and also who made a deal with Vampyr, even if he has yet to fulfill it), in part because her spellbook was only compiled, only created, for one purpose. She's an abjuration wizard. She's built her entire existence, for centuries, around supporting Strahd and protecting Ireena. She's not ready to reveal that now or maybe ever, especially not to the party wizard.

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 28 of Harrow the Ninth

We are now following up on the earlier scene with Dulcinea

What are we meant to read between the lines here? That Abigail has hidden them somewhere? I don't think they can have been sent back, since no one has the shuttles still. It's interesting that the Fourth teens seem to be non-characters in this recounting, considering they are definitely dead

She knows what coffee is, and what it smells like, but tea has too much flavor for her. I also note that Gideon didn't think the tea tasted strongly at all in the first book, but was unfamiliar with the concept of a hot drink. I'm really unsure what conclusions we're meant to come to about the Ninth House's hot drink situation here

How did she verify that event? Since there was no one else there when it happened and she saw both of them jump off the ledge into the ocean, how could anyone else have verified that for her? Or did she just wait for a while and see if she bumped into either of them later?

Actually, now I am wondering if the reason she kept Protesilaus's severed head in her closet without telling anyone for multiple days in Gideon the Ninth was because she wasn't sure if him coming apart had been real or not, and similarly didn't have any outside verification until Gideon found the head and brought it to Palamedes. So maybe when she told Palamedes she thought that he had been in on it, she didn't actually think that but was just using that as the reason for not telling anyone. i think commented back then that it wouldn't make sense for her to think that, as she thought at the time that Palamedes and Dulcinea didn't know each other

So, Abigail gives Harrow this piece of paper based on the fact that Corona has died (or something), and doesn't seem surprised when Harrow reads it, and later hypothesizes that Harrow is haunted. I'm not sure of the connection between Corona dying and Harrow being haunted, unless Abigail has some meta-knowledge that this is a fake memory and the pattern of who is dying in these memories is significant. Also, this is the second time in these memories that Abigail gave Harrow a piece of paper to read, so maybe she suspected that Harrow was haunted earlier as well?

This is kind of interesting, because it's not like they ambushed her this time. She got up and walked into their room alone of her own volition, and it never is made clear in this scene what she did that for in the first place. She didn't decide to tell them about Mayonnaise Uncle and Corona until after she was already in there

Ok, there is getting to be a lot of pronouns and also unquoted reported speech in these and it's hard to keep straight how many people there are here. Let me try:

[1] will remember the first time [2] kissed [1] -- [2] apologized -- [2] said, [2] am sorry, destroy [2] as [2] am, but [2] want to kiss [1] before [2] am killed, and [1] said to [2] why, and [2] said, because [2] have only once met someone[3] so utterly willing to burn for what [3] believe in, and [2] loved [3] on sight, and the first time [2] died [2] asked of [3] what [2] now ask of [1] [1] kissed [2] and later [1] would kiss [4] too before [1] understood what [2+4???] were and all three of [1+2+4] lived to regret it -- but when [1] am in heaven [1] will remember [2]r mouth and when [2] roast down in hell [1] think [2] will remember [1]ne

[2] has already died once and at least expected at one point to die again

[1] and [3] are/were "utterly willing to burn for what they believe in"

If these notes follow the same continuity, then possible [1] is the speaker in the earlier notes and [2+4] are the addressees of the second note, and [2] is the addressee of the first note and [4] is "him" in that note

[3] seems to be someone new

"she" from the second note doesn't seem to be in this one anywhere

So assuming that neither [1] nor [2] are the same person as "she" from the second note, there seem to be at least five people here, one female, two male, two undetermined. If we go along with the idea that these people are John + original Lyctors + a fifth person who is probably [1], then we can at least conclude that Gideon the first probably isn't either [2] or [4], but since [3] seems to be in the past at this point, he could be a Lyctor who is dead now, possibly. Or maybe "he" from the first and maybe second note is Gideon the First and [2] is John and Gideon the First isn't in this note at all. [4] is maybe Augustine?

Ok, like, forget about whatever is going on with Harrow's hallucinations, what on earth is this about?

It is true that Harrow didn't start having hallucinations until after she opened the Tomb, so possibly she is being haunted by the Body? That would make sense, since the Body is in so many of her hallucinations. So is the Body the person writing these notes? We can guess that she might be A.L. and obviously has something to do with John

Also, Magnus seems to think something about this is old news. Does Abigail habitually go around suggesting that people or things might be haunted? Or has Abigail been talking with him nonstop about how how Harrow might be haunted?

[bleedingcoffee42]

Some secrets will stay secrets. SIGH.

Especially, if you dig a little harder and read stuff from other Screaming Eagles like memories of Donald R. Burgett from A Company (I think) and George Koskimaki's antology of memories of people from whole division, Speirs shooting POWs seems to be nothing unusual and a lot of worse things has happened (as sad at it is). Bill was not a saint and did similar stuff and absolutely no one is bitching about him. What I want to say is, Winters saying he would have put Speirs on court martial - when I read it I was like, Dick? Seriously?. No one would have shot prisoners if there was no order and Speirs, imo, acted rather according to the rules not against them.

It just shows how communicating orders SUCKED in American army that time.

You know... looking at Sparky's popularity and the amount of time he was on screen and comparing it to Winters.... it shows that people prefer ambiguous characters? As much as I love Winters he is not my top five, because he is simply too GOOD. I think I like his fandom version a lot more than his show/book version, because people dig out his flaws and made him more human. That's why I immediately liked Nix more, then Harry and Sparky. Dick just suffers from, dunno, being the perfect main, I guess.

And well, Sparky in the show is a perfect example of an amazing character's journey, it's something people LOVE. We agreed already that you can love him or hate him, but you can't have no feelings and opinions about him. While Dick is, I think?, generally loved and you hardly can find anything negative or even neutral about him.

...Speirs could steal even spotlight, huh?

I think I had a point when I started writing but have no freaking idea what was it, lol. SORRY

MORE GRANT, BLESS.

Well, the power of Nix :D

I absolutely understand you and all I have is undying admiration and gratitude for the whole research work you SHARE with us. Some of the stuff is fucking amazing and I have no idea how you find it but that's some university level research. But I enjoy every little piece. Thank you so so sooooo much for it.

(Fingers crossed for watching GK in some future.)

Even the first layer of stories, there are a lot of admissions later on of things that were seen and done. War is hell, it happens. I agree it's interesting that Speirs becomes THE poster boy for it though. It's interesting when we have someone like Lieb who Dick was like 'He was rough with prisoners' but then he still sends him with the prisoners! Ambrose makes a point of saying "Winters and Lipton both said Speirs was the cruelest man they ever met" but nobody expands on that. Idk if its because admitting they saw and didn't stop implicates them or what.

I think what gets overlooked is it's little over 20 years from the last world war and a lot of these guys had relatives lost to that. A lot of these guys were kids of immigrants and were Leary of letting people know they spoke German more or less were German. (Muck spoke it but never told anyone and let people believe he was another nationality.) Malarkey repeatedly mentions Uncles who were still dealing with being gassed in WW1 and suffering because of it. It breeds a 'We wouldn't be here if we got rid of you last time' mentality. But I think that's just me applying some ghetto logic, someone comes at you who you know is going to make you keep watching your back for retaliation...you make sure they don't get back up.

Speirs has the draw of being the enigma and backs it up with bonafide bad-assery and hero of Foy. I don't think Lip's POV was overplayed, I think that Breaking Point ep was spot on with how they all felt they were going to get slaughtered following Dike's orders and out comes Speirs and just bing-bang-boom Let's go.

Dick is very squeaky clean in the show and I think that's great for the show.....but it really does crack you in the face when you get into his letters and stuff and you're confronted with him being more human than the show allowed. I love the show, I really do. I love that we have a book, a series, more books and letters and more letters and interviews and we're still finding stuff. It does kinda make him too much of a Boy Scout for personal tastes though, I get you.

I'm enjoying the search, a lot. It's adding a bunch of dimension to already intriguing people. I'd like to get my hands on the Craver appeal that probably explains WHY he was let out of prison 20 years after the war.

[kunaigirl]

Hello! I just came across your epilepsy awareness/information post on my dash, and I wanted to ask you something about it if that's alright. You mentioned that having seizures as a kid made you forget alot of stuff and you had to relearn how to read as a 9-10 y/o. Can I ask about that? What was it like? Did things come back to you over time or was it a square one thing? Where you ever held back a grade? I'm not trying to be nosy, I'm just honestly very curious because I've never heard of something like that. I don't have epilepsy so I don't know (but I learned lots from your post and the links you included). I've asked one of my friends who does have it and he said stuff like that can happen but we don't know anyone who has irl. If it's not ok you can ignore this message. I don't want to make you upset, I'm just super curious about what it was like to experience.

Sorry I sat on this for a few days, I've been thinking of how to respond to it. First of all, thank you for asking so politely, that gesture alone means a lot. Anyways, it's ok to ask about it, I don't mind. It's a very alienating experience that had such a heavy impact on my core development, I've always felt really alone and even embarrassed by it. Maybe talking about it can help someone else feel less alone/traumatized. (Long read ahead)

I don't remember a lot of what lead up to when the memories vanished, but I know (from what my mom's told me that my doctors told her) that it was a fucked up reaction to the combination of the dose of medication I was on and the seizures I still kept having despite being on said does. This was back in 2001-2002. I started the process of re-learning from square one in 2003 as a home schooled 3rd grader. It didn't stick and I had to start all over again a few times, and I was still in the process of relearning from 2004-2005, which is when I was 9-10 years old. Also it wasn't just reading, it was writing too.

From what I've gathered, I had a bad enough case of epilepsy where the child meds weren't working, so they had me on a low dose of an adult medication instead, Starting at age 6. There was no way I was making it out of that without complications. I don't remember if I just woke up one day without any memory of how to read, or if it was a slower process of forgetting over a period of days. It's all way too blurry. The school district didn't want to deal with such a personalized learning program for just one kid, so I was home schooled.

What I DO remember was how much time I would spend crying. I KNEW that I learned how to read already, I KNEW I went to school with all the other kids and passed all the tests/etc. I recognized the covers of books I HAD read, and even remembered what was in them, but the words themselves were completely foreign. Gone.

It was like looking at a copy of a book you already read, but it's a different language. You know what's in it, but you don't know what words or symbols you're looking at. I knew this was the language I knew, the one I was speaking. It was ripped away from me, and I felt so stupid. Being told I wasn't going back to school because of it made me feel like a freak. You never feel like more of a freak than when you're 8 years old, struggling your ASS off to read "Cat in the Hat" It hurt in ways I wouldn't wish on anyone. The word "shame" doesn't even begin to cover it. It all felt so damn heavy.

People at the library or books stores would chime in and say "Oh! You don't want that BABY book do you? What about this one instead?" And I would take what they handed me, smile until they left, and then I'd put it down and run to go cry in the public bathroom. I couldn't read what they suggested. I was so furious with myself, it always happened. When we moved out of state in 2006 (6th grade) the schools were more willing to work with me privately, so I was back in public school once again.

From that point on, I was relearning with tutors and teachers in total secret. I hid all of these struggles from my middle school friends because I was horrified how they'd react if they knew about my struggles. Middle school was already fucked up enough. The books I'd carry around that I was "reading for fun" around them were always decoys. I had medical paperwork (IEP documents) that required ALL classes to give me extra time for tests and book reports by law.

Even though my hard work DID pay off and I (obviously) learned how to read and write again, I didn't feel "comfortable" reading until probably age 14. On top of ALL THAT I also developed dyslexia, and I also already had ADHD too. So, it's STILL a struggle sometimes. It's just something I have to live with. I still to this day read really slowly, like, it takes me months to finish one book slowly, but goddamn it, I'm still fucking reading.

I'm 28 years old now, it's been a long time since then. It was a part of my life I was forced by circumstances to experience, and it took a TON of extra hard work just to get to where I am now. I want to give myself some credit for that, and I will NEVER let myself feel ashamed of this struggle ever again. If anyone out there had any experience even remotely similar to this, I see you. I see how strong you are. Keep your head up, and keep reading.