#he's always being followed by baby chicks and ducklings
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ridiasfangirlings · 1 year ago
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I need stardew valley "AU" misaru where they have a little farm, cats, cows and chickens and a child. Sleeping in the same bed and all the fluffy things it is possible to do. And sharing a farm ofc.
Aw, like imagine cozy little farm Misaru, very slow and sedate and Fushimi complains about farm work being all stupid and messy and hot. Like imagine the two of them living in this small farming village, Yata grew up on his family’s small farm but decided to strike out on his own to make things easier for his family, since it was hard to provide for all five of them on their tiny farm. Yata saves up money to buy a little plot of land in another village and starts planting, selling his crops at the market and buying some livestock. He also meets cranky apple merchant Fushimi, who ran away from his family and who happens to live on the plot of land next to Yata with a bunch of fruit trees. Fushimi hates farming and does the bare minimum to keep his farm in shape, selling fruit and scowling at anyone who comes near his fruit. Yata thinks that guy is super annoying but his fruit is pretty good actually (and one day a prickly cat shows up at Yata’s farm and becomes Yata’s new barn cat, he names it Saruhiko).
Maybe at some point Yata is having an issue with his crops and Fushimi ends up helping him, it turns out even though he hates physical work Fushimi knows a lot about what kind of dirt is best for crops and the best way to water and plant your seeds, basically lots of technical knowledge. In return Yata helps clean up Fushimi’s farm a little and assist with the harvesting, imagine them sitting together afterward like throwing blueberries at each other and getting all messy. At this point Yata decides that Saruhiko is really cool and eventually the two of them decide to combine their farms into one, you know, for convenience, not like they’re married or anything (all the people of the town assume they’ve gotten married).
They build a little house in the middle of their land (well, Yata does a lot of the building, Fushimi supervises) and imagine them sharing a bed together, this big soft bed filled with feathers gathered up from all their chickens. Fushimi complains he’s allergic but he actually really likes how soft and comfy it is, and of course he likes being next to Misaki the most. Yata’s probably the one who gets up super early in the morning to collect eggs from the chickens and feed the animals, Fushimi shows up later all cranky and tired to check on the crops. Yata goes back to the house to make a fresh breakfast so it’ll be ready by the time Fushimi’s done doing his rounds, imagine on hot days Fushimi has a big sun hat and Yata makes sure he brings enough water and comes inside if it’s too warm. Somehow even though Fushimi complains about all the livestock all the animals love him best, when he walks by the cow pasture they all come running over mooing, Yata has Fushimi shear the sheep because they’ll all come right to him and want to get in his lap (the only animal who likes Yata best is the barn cat Saruhiko, though their second barn cat Misaki is more attached to Fushimi). It’s a lot of work but secretly even Fushimi doesn’t mind that much, as long as they have each other. 
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lieslab · 4 months ago
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you grew up on a farm?!? no way! that's so cool! i'm pretty sure most kids also thought of this, but i've always wanted to live in a farm... the animals are just so cute~ (≧∇≦)
i'd love to see your dear sheep as well, and don't be sorry for going 'off topic', it's endearing to see people talk about things that makes them excited ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )
Welcome to some unknown lore: It was such a big responsibility at such a young age. I know I have followers from everywhere, but I'm from the United States and more specifically, the mid-western portion. When I started to get livestock, I was nine. From the ages of nine to twelve, I had a bunch of animals.
My childhood was full of grass stains, the smell of manure, gardening, and feeling so proud when I successfully carried a giant five gallon bucket full of water to my backyard from the back of the house where the hose was.
A lot of the midwestern United States is full of farmers and flat land that's rich with good soil for farming. It's not really a surprise to encounter a lot of different kinds of farms. Some people say it's boring, but I really like it. So much flat land and it's easy to see the sun when it rises and sets.
The moon is almost always on display every night outside of town and the stars speckle the sky like dots of glitter. I'm not a huge fan of fireworks, but around the 4th of July, the night sky is always being painted with colors. It's one of the most beautiful things to encounter, honestly. ESPECIALLY, if you can find a flat spot over a lake or a river. They reflect in the water and it's mesmerizing.
I was heavily involved in 4-H for a few years. I showed a few animals at my local county fair and entered competitions with them. I actually used to have ribbons from when I won competitions for showing those animals. It was such a good time in my life. I can't help, but miss it at times.
I raised baby chicks one year. They always had a heat lamp and craved warmth. I used to put on a flannel and tuck one into my shirt pocket. I'd sing them to sleep and they were the cutest little things. Bright and fluffy, yellow with happy chirps, and wide beady eyes.
The year after that, I had ducks. I got them when they were just little ducklings. Similar to the chickens, they were so yellow and so soft. I used to stick them in my bathtub and giggle as they swam around. They absolutely adored water.
I had the cutest and sweetest calico baby goat. He was so shy and his name was Prince. He loved to run around his enclosure and bleat. He'd kick his legs and twirl around. He had tiny horns and he ran around with another goat that I named Princess. How original, I know. Cut me some slack, I was nine. She was gray and white. I so desperately WISH I had photos of the pair to show you, but I didn't have a phone as a kid.
It was so much fun, but my parents were dead set on teaching me responsibility from a young age and it definitely worked. Every morning, I got up and fed all the animals. I had to collect the eggs from chickens and everything.
My sheep is an entirely different story. There were a bunch of 4-H groups in my area and one of the farmers was nice enough to sponsor a few of us. It was supposed to be an essay competition. A handful of kids, whoever wrote the best essay on why they should win a lamb, they'd be given a lamb for free. That year, not many kids entered the competition, so we all won baby lambs.
I got my lamb when I was ten. She was as stubborn as a mule and a lot of people say sheep are stupid. It's an absolute lie. She was one of the smartest animals that I ever had. She lived in my backyard for eight years and it was a blast. She had so much attitude and I miss her deeply.
I always tried to feed the animals at the same time every morning and evening. If I fed her an hour late, she somehow knew. She'd get huffy and stomp her hooves. For a while, she was so good at following me around that I used to let her out of her pin and she'd follow me around my backyard. Imagine a ten year old and a giant fluffy sheep stomping through mid-calf deep snow.
She loved eating overgrown grass, sitting in the shade, and itching her ass on the fence. She itched herself so much and threw all her weight against the fence, at some point the fence actually snapped from it.
I grew up living next door to my grandmother and her flock of chickens. One day I went to my grandma's house and when I went to leave, my sheep met me a few feet away from the front door. The two of us stared at each other until she happily baa'd and strutted towards me.
All I could muster up was a "what the fuck are you doing outside of your pin?" and she proudly led me back to the spot where the fence broke because she kept itching her wool on it. Sheep wool is very, very oily, and it's kind of gross. Especially, during the summer when they get hot and sweaty and they have to be sheared. She kept trying to itch her body through all the wool constantly.
She was so good at alerting my family when things were wrong. One winter, a squirrel got on her water bucket and I assume it was trying to get a drink of water. It slipped and fell into the bucket and nearly drowned. She alerted us by screeching at the top of her lungs. My family was outside a lot, so it was easy to know when something was wrong with her. The squirrel was in shock, but it ended up surviving.
Sometimes neighborhood kids would come over and try to pet her and she hated it. She didn't like strangers and would attempt to buck the fence and their hand if they stuck their hands in the pin. My family had to start putting a padlock on her pin to keep kids out.
Farm animals can be very cute, but also dangerous if they're not comfortable with you. Chickens and ducks will peck. Goats will buck and if they have horns, they're able to impale you. The few times my sheep bucked with her head, she went directly for the thighs and she'd hit so hard that she'd leave bruises.
They can also be very picky. Every other week, we had to buy different sheep food for my sheep because she'd get tired of the same brand, so we'd have to go back and forth. If we didn't, she'd dump it all over the ground.
I swear to God she got reincarnated into the little fluffy rabbit that I have now. He's the exact same way. So spoiled, so privileged, and such a brat (but I love him so much)
This was my sheep and her name was Brooke. The photo of her and the ugly chicken is my favorite because it feels cursed. The chicken was old and flew up to perch on the end of the pin. It freaked her out and she screamed. When I walked into my garage, that's what I seen.
She was loved up until she died and beyond. I wish I had better photos. She had a four leaf clover on her forehead that could be seen so well when she was freshly sheared. She lived a spoiled rotten life. She's probably in sheep heaven and still raising hell:
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venomous--fics · 5 years ago
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@ke-roero​ Requested: eddie and venom going out for a stroll but venom is acting up and he senses something and forces eddie to follow the feeling he's having only to find reader, and later on in their relationship he finds out that she's been hosting a symbiote as well
a/n: This one was really fun to write, so I hope you like it!! Also sorry if you hate the symbiote name, I used a random name generator to pick it because I had no ideas! and i may or may not have changed the prompt a little. Hope that's cool! Feedback is always appreciated and requests are always open!
Eddie was walking through the park, tapping his pen on his notepad. He had used some of his vacation time at work so he could clear his head and try to think of real story ideas, rather than just pick something dull and spit something mundane out. 
It wasn't going so well, seeing as the only story he had written down was the one that had burned him out. He stared at the barely legible scribbles on the paper and sighed.
"Maybe we could take about all the stray dogs running around the city?" Eddie asked Venom quietly, as to not bring unwanted attention, "Maybe just ....talk about the homelessness?"
He wasn't getting an answer.
"I'm.. Asking for suggestions." Eddie paused, "And you know I'm desperate because I'm asking you."
Still nothing.
"What? No snarky remark? No name calling?"
Radio silence. 
"Listen, man-"
"Quiet."
"Excuse me?"
"Did I stutter, Eddie."
"What's gotten into you?"
"Something's here..."
"Descriptive." Eddie chuckled, "Mind enlightening me?"
"I can sense another presence here."
"What kind?"
Venom sighed, "Do I have to spell everything out?"
"I am currently utilizing the one brain cell I have, buddy. I need all the help I can get."
Eddie could feel Venom's sarcastic ass eye roll, "A symbiote."
Almost as if it was routine, which it probably was, Eddie went on high alert. There was another symbiote just out and about?
Venom decided that he wanted to know where this other alien was, and made Eddie walk. Most of the time, Eddie didn't mind, but seeing as Venom didn't even ask.. He minded a little. 
Meanwhile, on the other side of the park, you were sat on a bench, tossing out gluten free oyster crackers out to the ducks. You were also feeding M&M's to your symbiote, Vex. He enjoyed the small crunch of the outer coating.
"Look, V, there's that new family I was talking about." you gently pointed towards the pond and watched as a family of ducks swam over. There was the mama duck followed by five babies. They all made happy little noises as they began to eat the crackers. 
Vex seemed very happy at the sight as she said, "How cute."
"Think we could get a duck?"
Without hesitation, Vex replied, "The pet shop on fifth had the cutest chicks."
You giggled at the thought of you, a human, raising a chick with your alien friend. It sounded like some sort of cheap sitcom premise. 
You and Vex had been bonded for a few years now. You remember that day all too well. You were trudging home in the rain, doing your best to keep the groceries you had bought dry. You were passing an alleyway when you had heard a rustling noise.
You knew that only stupid people in horror movies go down the empty alleyway alone, but you thought maybe there was a stray animal that needed help. Unknown to you, there was an alien lifeform that was dying in a mud puddle. It didn't take long for you to help the poor thing. You knew exactly where it had come from. It was all over the news that the life foundation was secretly using some strange 'parasite' to test on people. Of course, most people wouldn't believe that, but somewhere in your heart, you knew it was true. 
"Are you okay?" you asked quietly. 
It didn't have a face, or a voice, or any real identifying features, but you knew it was in pain. You weren't sure what came over you, but you had held your hand out to it, in hope of helping it. You were certain that that wasn't a big deal, to help someone or something in need. Little did you know that the poor, dying symbiote had already accepted your offer and even swore to protect you. And that's the story of how you made a permanent friend. Ever since that day, Vex has been nothing but nice to you. She's also saved your clumsy ass a few times. As time passed, you had expected Vex to be a violent type, just like the rest of the rumored aliens, but to your surprise, she actually told you that she wanted to just live a normal, peaceful life. She didn't like the unnecessary attention. And that brings you here, every afternoon, to the local park. You'd spend your morning running errands, then for an hour or two, sometimes three, you'd watch the animals in the park and bring them snacks sometimes. After that, you would head out to get stuff for dinner. And Vex liked this. 
"Oh, look how fluffy that one is!" You gushed, pointing to the smallest duckling. "They're very precious." Vex agreed, smiling.
You tossed out some more crackers, giggling when all the ducklings swarmed to them and began plucking them out of the water. You had began another conversation, but were quickly cut off but a startling voice. Vex retreated, and you quickly turned your head and looked over your shoulder. All the ducks scattered at the sudden noise, and you were extremely saddened by that.
"Oh god!" The distraught man said, obviously embarrassed, "I am so sorry! I didn't mean to.. I didn't mean to scare you." 
The man's voice didn't match the one you had just heard, but you were certain that maybe you had just imagined it being deeper.You stared at the man in complete shock for a moment, watching him nervously look around. He looked like he was having a panic attack because, one, he wasn't even the jackass who startled you, but two, he couldn't say who did it because he would look like a crazy person.
He took a step forward, voice calmer, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that... Uh, I'm, eh, well, uhm, I'm. Eddie." 
He stuck his hand out, and you noticed how much it was trembling. Again, you did nothing but stare for a moment before you slowly reached out and shook his hand. He had sweaty palms, and you tried not to cringe. 
"Uh, sorry. I- ... Think I'll just go now. I'm sorry, again, for interrupting-"
"It's okay," you said softly.
Eddie stood still for a moment, seeming very confused. He wasn't used to social interactions. 
"You could make it up to me." you added, "Could you help me get the ducks to come back? You.. Scared them." 
"Oh, yeah, right." Eddie let out a breath, stepping over and carefully sitting at the other side of the bench, "So, how do we......Do that... Do we have to just.. go in there and grab 'em?"
You tried to stifle a laugh, but it came out anyways, "You're kidding, right?"
Eddie realized that that was Venom's answer slipping out and not his, "Yeah, I was joking." 
You held out your bag of crackers, "Try these instead."
Eddie, still a tad bit nervous, took some crackers from the bag and stared at them. He's never done anything like this before. Normally him and Venom just took a brisk walk through the park to get some fresh air on the way home. They never payed any mind to the animals, the plants or the people. What was the point in that?
Eddie had watched you toss some crackers out, and a second later, copied you. He wasn't expecting much, and so he felt terrible for scaring the ducks away, which was very odd of him. Why should he care about some stupid ducks? "Look," you said quietly, "They're coming back."
Eddie watched as the ducklings came back, followed by the bigger ducks and they began snacking on the crackers again. Eddie stared at the tiny, innocent little ducks, and not to be dramatic, but he would've died for them.  
"I understand why you like these guys. They're pretty cute."  
"You've never sat and just ... Enjoyed what's around you?"
"Do I look like the type of guy who just does that?"
"You look kinda- No." 
"What were you gonna say?" Eddie smirked, "I can take it." 
"I was going to say homeless." you chuckled.
"I get that a lot." Eddie chuckled with you.
You chuckled some more as you carried a decent conversation with this oddball Eddie. You two wound up talking for an hour or two, before Eddie said he had to get going, something about needing to finish up some stuff. You bid him farewell, and asked if he would come back tomorrow. Without hesitation, he said yes. That was almost two years ago. You liked Eddie a lot, but you were a bit scared. You never told him that you had a symbiote, and of course, you knew he had one, it was obvious, but you weren't sure how he'd react knowing that you had one. 
You were currently standing in the middle of Eddie's apartment. He had invited you over for your usual dinner and movie night at his place, but he was still out at the store getting a few things.
Vex was currently watching you pace back and forth, rather nervously. She was confused as to why you couldn't just tell Eddie. He was a weird dude, surely he'd love an alien too. Vex just got that vibe from him, though, she never said anything because she figured it would've come off as rude. 
"Why can't we tell him?" Vex asked innocently.
"What if he ... Y'know, understandably, doesn't want to be with a freak like us?" you sounded worried.  
"We aren't freaks. We're just..." Vex hesitated, trying to be mindful of your almost fragile human feelings, "Odd."
"What if Eddie doesn't like odd..." you stopped pacing and sighed, hanging your head in defeat, "V, he's like so normal it hurts. He writes news articles and takes pictures for said articles, and he comes home and usually burns everything he cooks- Like... A normal person.. He's a square, we're a triangle."
"I think we're more of a circle, but okay.." Vex saw the sad look you had given her before you directed your attention to the window, "We have to tell him, Y/n. He'll understand."
"What if he doe-"
"His loss."
There was a long pause before Vex nudged you softly, "It's going to be okay. I promise." 
"If you're wrong-"
"If I'm wrong, I will do whatever you want for a month."
"Fine..." 
You decided to sit down and try to calm down and think about what the hell you were going to tell Eddie. God, what if he didn't want to be with you anymore? What if he made you choose? You already knew what you'd choose, Vex, of course.. You just didn't like the thought of not be able to be with Eddie. 
"You're getting awfully nervous, why don't we just relax?"
"Easy for you to say.." you looked at Vex with a soft smile. 
"Let me try something." she replied shyly, "I saw it on a tv show." 
"Oh boy." you chuckled, "Here we go." 
She seemed to vanish for a moment, and you thought you had hurt her feelings. You went to rub your neck, but noticed that she had decided to appear in the palm of your hand in the shape of a very small shape.
"Oh my god," you cooed, "You're so adorable." 
You rubbed her little head with your finger and she seemed pleased, sticking her tongue out a little, "I saw that pets help relieve stress." 
"Snake was your go to?"
"Lady on the show had one.. And I told myself, 'Hey, I can do that.'" she seemed amused. 
You were about to crack a joke when the apartment door opened and you shot out of your seat, symbiote still in hand. Your mouth hung open as you saw Eddie come in and set his stuff down. You gently, but quickly, covered the hand with Vex in it, "Hi, Eddie!"
"Hey!" he chirped shaking off his slightly damp jacket, "Did you know that it was supposed to rain today?”
Your eyes quickly darted to the window and then back to him, "No, i did not.”
Eddie raised his eyebrow and looked you over, "You alright?'
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
He pointed at your awkwardly clasped hands, "You've been stuck like that since I came in. You okay?"
"Uhm..." You could feel the nervousness creeping up your throat, "Yeah, just, uh.."
"Tell him." you heard Vex in your head.
And much out of habit you replied back in a whisper, "I'm getting there."
"Huh?" Eddie asked, now putting his full attention on you, "Really, babe, you okay? You're looking a little flushed." 
You needed another excuse to not stand there like an idiot, "Yeah, I'm just.." 
You sighed heavily, looking at your hands for a moment, and then turning your head to Eddie. He seemed rather interested, and almost a little bit nervous himself, almost like he could tell where this is going. You were positive that whatever he was thinking wasn't accurate, but hell, here goes nothing.
"I think I need to tell you something." you said, trying not to stutter. 
You saw Eddie tense up a little. This could not end well, mainly because in his experience, people needing to talk or say anything lead to him being alone somehow. 
"O-okay, go for it." he tried to sound calm. 
You nervously walked around the couch and over to where Eddie stood like a fence post. You extended your clasped hands and winced a little as you finally opened your hands. There was a good minute and a half before Eddie chuckled.
"Am I missing something?"
your eyes snapped open and you looked at your palms, "What the fu- ..Hey..." 
Eddie smiled, "Did you lose it, or, did you just want to show me your clammy palms...Because I've seen those plenty of times.”
"No, no," you sounded even more nervous, "I did have something to show you." 
Eddie, not wanting to downplay the idea of you having something extremely sensitive or serious to say, gently pulled you into a hug, "It's okay. We'll find it." 
"It's not exactly something I can lose..." you sighed, wrapping your arms around Eddie, "It's something I'm kinda-"
"Stuck with?" he asked, a little too quickly. 
"Not the words I'd use." you looked over his shoulder and noticed the little shit of a symbiote you had. Vex was still in the, now due to sheer spite, you'll dumb the wet noodle form. Her eyes were turned up in a devious smile, and her small tongue was still hanging out. 
"Hmm." Eddie hummed, "I'm sure whatever it is, it can't be that bad." You held Eddie a little tighter, "So, you remember that whole Carlton Drake fiasco?"
"Of course?" Eddie awkwardly remained put as you latched onto him, "Shit changed my life." He paused for a moment or two, "For the better, obviously." 
Eddie knew where this was going. You knew he had a symbiote. You were probably trying to let him down easy. Better get this show over with. 
"I know where this is going," Eddie sighed as he pulled away from you. 
Vex, being surprised, had hid up your shirt sleeve, and you did your best not to laugh at the sudden tickling feeling of it. You covered your mouth for a second before playing it off as clearing your throat, "You... You do?" 
"It's not like this is the first time," he sounded a bit hurt, "Look, I know I should've told you forever ago, but I really, really, really like you... And I don't know, I thought you'd think I was some kind of freak..I couldn't really.." He awkwardly rubbed his neck, "I just didn't want to lose you so quickly."
Now it was your turn to be confused. There was no way that this was going where you thought it was going, "Hang on a second." 
Eddie nervously bit his lip and looked at you, "Yeah?" 
"Are you about to," you were trying to play it off as an oddly specific joke, "I dunno, tell me that you have some sort of alien living inside of you, but it's totally okay, because maybe they're pretty cool and keep you company. Even though som-"
"Was that really just a guess?" Eddie seemed rather surprised, "That's...Eerily specific." 
"But you were, weren't you?" 
Oh god, he didn't have an alien.
"I.." He fiddled with his bracelets for a moment, looking at the floor like a child, "Well, I wasn't gonna phrase it like that..."
"What are the fucking chances of that?" you asked, almost amazed.
"Chances of what?"
"Oh geez, uhm." you nervously laughed, "Man, would it be crazy if I told you that I also had an alien friend too?"
"You're just dicking with me."
"I'm being serious! I just never said anything because I thought you'd leave because you're a total square." 
"I'm not a square." Eddie replied defensively.
"You recorded Bride Wars on the DVR, Eddie."
"That wasn't me. That was.." He did record it, and he wasn't about to explain himself, "Okay, wait, hang on a second. Let me just... Process this."
The room fell very quiet. You awkwardly pulled at the bottoms of your sleeves, not knowing if you should say anything. After abut 3 minutes, you sighed, "It's not a math question, you know." 
Eddie looked at you and smiled, "I know, I know. I just don't know what to say." 
"Anything would be good." 
"Anything." he said.
"Eddie-"
He laughed a little, "What you said say anything.."
You sighed before smiling, "Okay, so now what?"
"Is dinner okay?"
"Dinner? I just- You just- Are we not going to talk about the, I dunno, aliens we have inside us?"
In typical Eddie fashion, he shoved his hands into his pockets, "Can we talk about it over dinner?"
You were about to object, but Vex poked out of the neck hole of your shirt, "Depends, what are we having?"
"I was thinking spaghetti," Eddie replied, not even batting an eye, "But if that's not your thing, we can do whatever." 
Vex looked up at you, seeming pleased with the whole situation, "Yes, spaghetti is good." 
"Great!" He replied, walking over to the stove.
You took a seat on one of the small bar stools that was situated at the kitchen island, "Soooooo.....We're just, like, chill about this?"
Eddie turned to look at you, and you noticed there was something different about him. He seemed relaxed, "I'm just relieved is all." 
"Relieved?" 
Eddie looked back at the stove for a minute, absentmindedly picking the stains on it's shiny surface, "Well, yeah. I really didn't think there was anyone out there who'd really... Get it. Y'know?" 
You leaned forward a little, smiling softly, "Yeah. I was just surprised you had your own. Funny how that worked out." 
"Mm." He hummed, turning on the sink faucet and grabbing a pot. 
"Need any help there, chef?" you chuckled. 
"Perhaps." 
"I'll take that as a yes."
You got up and joined Eddie in front of the stove. You busied yourself with gathering the ingredients, and Eddie was tasked with not burning himself. You were preoccupied with opening the jar of pasta sauce when you heard a rather deep voice.
“I told you.”
“You did not.” Eddie replied, opening the box of noodles.
“I did too.”
“Whatever you say, V.” 
“V?” you asked. Out of habit, Vex popped out of your sleeve and looked up at you.
Eddie looked at your symbiote for a second and then at you, “Yeah, short for Venom.”
“What a name.” you replied, setting the jar to the side, “Uh, mine’s name is Vex...So, also V.” 
“That’s not going to get confusing.” Eddie smiled. 
Vex looked at Eddie and watched him put the noodles into the boiling water. She also caught a glimpse of Venom giving her a death stare, but it didn’t feel aggressive, even if that’s how it looked. He was probably shy and just didn’t want to say it.
“What if we came up with like cool nicknames for them?” Eddie asked, a little too excited. 
“Like what?” you replied with curiosity. 
“What’s their favorite candy?” 
“I like kitkats.” Vex answered, “I like the crunch of the wafer.”
“See? We can call you Kitkat!” 
You scoffed playfully, “That’s ridicu-”
“I love it.” Vex was practically radiating joy.
“Do I get a new nickname?” Venom asked, surprisingly sheepishly, “I like-”
“Peanut M&M’s.” Eddie finished his sentence, “So, we can call you Peanut.” 
“Thanks,” Venom replied, “I hate it.” 
“You love it.” he replied, “Hey, can you get me a spoon, Peanut?”
Venom glared at Eddie for a moment before obeying, fetching a spoon for Eddie, “Just because I listened doesn’t mean I like it.” 
"We think it’s cute,” You and Vex said together.
Venom seemed surprised and he looked at you. He never made it known, but he had grown quite fond of you. Never in his life did anyone’s opinion mean more than yours and your symbiotes.
“Really?”
“Oh yeah,” you said, “It suits you.”
Venom peeked up at Eddie, who gave him a sly wink, and then returned his attention to you, ‘It’s not so bad, but that’s only because Y/n likes it.”
You and Vex chuckled as you two got plates and silverware out. You felt better, and you were sure everything was going to work out just fine. All you had to do now is make sure that Vex and Venom got along. How hard could that be?
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atmilliways · 6 years ago
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You like AUs, right? Mash up Metalocalypse and That 70s Show, go! Mash up Metalocalypse and Friends, go! Mash up Metalocalypse and Frasier, go!
Oh jeebus, why?
… But yeah you’re right I do.
That Dethklok’s Show
You know what makes me mad is that I want to say Nathan and Charles are Eric and Donna, but Seth is unarguably Lori and that messes everything up.
Okay so Pickles = Eric, Seth = Lori, Calvert = Red but with hair, and Molly = Kitty except Seth is her favorite child too.
Skwisgaar = Kelso because he’s tall, pretty, and horny. Also, in this AU, he is drowning in brothers because Servetta can’t keep it in her panties.
Toki = Fez because he’s foreign, happy most of the time, sings and dances for the simple joy of it, and his room is decked out with toys and fun stuff.
Murderface = Hyde because of the righteous fa-RO baby, and also because he DOESN’T HAVE ANY PARENTS. He moves in with Pickles’ family and lives in the basement. (Pickles was hoping this would give Molly and Calvert another Target to rag on and give him a break. It didn’t work.)
Unlike Hyde, Murderface is not cool and doesn’t get any eventual Hyde/Jackie storyline. Instead, his relationship history goes more like Fez’s. Without the weird forced Fez/Jackie stuff at the end of the series, which really went downhill has soon as Donna dyed her hair blonde.
Charles = Buddy, the random rich kid who is canonically gay, only he’s a regular part of the group instead of a one-episode throwaway character.
I’m cool with Pickles/Charles, and that fits with Buddy coming on to Eric in the show. But I would eventually break them up and put Charles with…
Nathan = no one on the show, but he’s got a lot of Hyde’s qualities in terms of stoic, bad boy vibes. However, like Kelso, he is an Adorable Dumb (see “that’s doable” hat).
Rebecca Nightrod = Jackie, but she’s not a necessarily a regular character. Murderface fawns/lusts over her like Fez, even though she’s a bitch. Nathan hates her, even though he does date her briefly in a relationship that she holds onto tenaciously until, in an act of desperation that absolutely horrifies Pickles, he cheats on her with Seth.
Abigail = Donna, because she’s smart and has good hair. (Zero bleach kits in sight.)
Rockso = Bob, because he’s a cue ball on top and makes liberal use of crazy wigs. Bargain Rockso’s is that store that’s always open on holidays — just in case you’re driving home Christmas night, realize you forgot to get a gift, and rush in to buy a fridge to solve the gift problem and/or some cocaine to forget there was ever a problem in the first place.
Magnus = Leo. He gives Murderface a job at his hilariously unprofitable Photo Hut business, declines to sell his real cool car to Skwisgaar on principal, and generally supplies the gang with all their weed and assorted drugs.
Dory McLean = Midge. She’s young, dumb, has big boobs, and Abigail is exasperated as hell that she doesn’t understand feminism in the slightest.
Knubbler = Mitch, the weird kid who hangs around and is sometimes kinda entertaining but keeps hitting on Abigail, which annoys her. However, he’s also stupid and accidentally self-sabotages (see setting his sleeve on fire while trying to flirt), so she doesn’t really waste energy on slapping him back down.
Pickles “burning down the shed” = Eric telling Red “I do it too” when Hyde gets busted for possession. Either way Abigail (Donna) is standing in the background going, “For the love of god, DON’T.”
Trindle = Cousin Penny, only instead of prankish Pickles (Eric) she targets Nathan, who during her last visit when they were much younger helped Pickles trap her in a revolving door. Abigail is completely secure in her looks compared to Trindle and actually talks Rebecca out of a potentially disastrous sunlamp tan.
Nathan and Abigail go out for like, a second, while Nathan and Charles are I one of their off-again fazes.
Endgame parings are Nathan/Charles, Abigail/Rebecca, and Skwisgaar/Toki.
B.A.N.D.M.A.T.E.S
Nathan = Ross. Can you picture Nathan doing the *long sigh, ex wife is a lesbian blues* “Hi” thing? Because I can.
Abigail = Carol. They got together but it just didn’t work out in the long run. 
Rebecca Nightrod = Susan. Tbh, I think the reason she keeps popping up is because of how @little-murmaider portrayed her in Stay Alive. She and Nathan get along like a house on fire, in that it’s a disaster and Abigail keeps having to turn the hose on them to stop the bickering.
Toki = Monica, although his chef skills are mostly confined to providing fruit and burning plastic. He’s still got the overshadowed younger sibling thing going on though.
Molly = Judy Geller. Dotes on Nathan.
Oscar = Jack Geller. Is amiably odd.
Charles = Rachel. Except not as ditzy. But he does break an engagement off at the altar and moves in with Toki, an old acquaintance he hasn’t seen since high school and one of the few people he, ah, did not invite to the wedding. For the record, he was hoping that wouldn’t come up.
Skwisgaar = Joey. Except when they all go to London, Toki (Monica) does hook up with him, gradually teaches him how to relationship, and eventually they get married.
Murderface = Chandler. He hates his data processing job and keeps threatening to leave it to work on his side project, Planet Piss, but never actually does because the money is really good. When he goes back to the pet store to return the baby chick Skwisgaar impulse bought, he instead adopts an ugly-ass duck that no one wants because it’s original owners thought it was just an ugly duckling that would grow up into a swan. He feels that he can empathize with it, and names it Dick van Duck.
Knubbler = Dick van Duck. Listens patiently to all of Murderface’s Planet Piss ideas.
Pickles = Phoebe. He doesn’t even know who his dad is, and is proud that he doesn’t. (I’m not going to lie, Phoebe’s family situation definitely fits more with Murderface, but Phoebe’s dating track record is too good.) Remember the one where Pickles broke up with someone he’d just moved in with because the person shot a bottle of liquor?
Seth = Ursula. 100% Ursula. Seth is a “career driven” waiter and also a part time porn star on the side, using Pickles’ name.
Fraiser 
I don’t watch this one as much, so this one won’t be as detailed probably.
Skwisgaar = Frasier. Idk, because he goes on dates with a different woman at least every episode. Also, he’s a jackass, but good at what he does and there are some redeeming glimmers of not being a complete asshole that make his presence worthwhile.
Nathan = Niles. Minus most of the neuroses. Instead of successful musicians, he and Skwisgaar are both successful psychiatrists, although Skwisgaar usually gets the bulk of the public’s, ahem, attention.
Daphne = Charles. He’s oblivious to Nathan’s crush on him for ages, but when he realizes it’s there and thinks about how sweet Nathan’s always been to him, he falls hard.
Rebecca Nightrod = Maris. She and Nathan have a rocky marriage, and eventually a rockier divorce in which she accuses Nathan of being emotionally unfaithful because of Charles.
Abigail = The brilliant divorce lawyer that handles Nathan’s case, and briefly dates Charles. They seem like such a good fit on paper that they’re actually engaged for a bit, but they break it off amiably right before getting to the altar, and Nathan and Charles ride off into the sunset in an RV with “road warrior” vanity plates.
Toki = Roz. (I know, technically Roz’s promiscuousness would be more Skwisgaar, but Skwisgaar’s superiority complex fits better with Frasier.) Although competent and successful in his own right, he is not the on air talent. Unlike in Frasier, when Toki and Skwisgaar sleep together they actually become a couple instead of backing off and remaining good friends.
Rockso = That garbage man that Roz was head over heals with for a while… Rodger?He belongs in a garbage can. Anyway, after breaking up with Toki over the latter’s inability to get over his massive cocaine use, Toki goes to Skwisgaar for comfort, which leads to drinking which leads to sex. Toki flees the next morning and flies to Norway for the annual family reunion, only he hadn’t told anyone he’s broken up with Rockso. Skwisgaar, desperate to Talk Things Out and hopefully even Do That Again, follows and (cringingly, but of his own volition) answers to/pretends to be Rockso to help Toki save face in front of his critical family.
Murderface = Bulldog. He and Toki briefly have a thing, and he’s actually kind of sweet when you get right down to it, but things don’t work out. Masturbation photos are involved — don’t ask. Also, at one point Skwisgaar accidentally repeats a rumor that Murderface is going to get fired where Murderface can hear it, so
Murderface goes and yells at the station manager (then Knubbler) and quits. Then he’s unemployed for a while, and scrapes by delivering pizzas. I forget how that situation resolved itself in the show but it does.
Knubbler = Kenny the station manager. Weak willed. Weak chinned. Ineffectual. Good track record in his career, but mostly he’s just there.
Abigail = That domineering and extremely competent lady station manager that’s there for a while… Kate? Has a cat. But she does NOT get it on with Skwisgaar (Frasier) on his desk and accidentally bump the On Air button partway through. She has a very strict policy of not getting involved with anyone she works with, although naturally everyone tries.
That’s all I got.
Magnus = Martin. Because he’s a cranky old man. He and Nathan don’t get along and he resents having to live with Skwisgaar, but they all gamely trade barbed insults and leave it at that. Magnus is a retired cop who still works on old cold cases as a hobby, having vowed revenge on uncaptured murderers everywhere. He and Charles (Daphne) get along pretty well, and there is no stabbing of any kind.
Metal Masked Assassin = Cam Winston. At one point he blocks Skwisgaar and Toki in Skwisgaar’s SUV into a parking space with his own SUV, and only relents and backs out when Charles comes and calmly threatens him, because “that’s my bread and butter you’re blocking in.”
There, are you happy now?? I spent a ridiculous amount of time on this, asdf;lkj lol.
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thedailychalkboard · 7 years ago
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Lessons from an Oregon Duck
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My wife and I were finally taking an honest to goodness vacation! After more than a decade and a half of hard work as an entrepreneurial business owner in my small Oregon town we were actually going to get away for a whole week. It had been way too long, but the finances were never quite right and the burden of being a sole owner / operator had not allowed us the luxury of going away somewhere for more than a couple of days at a time. When we did it was always with the knowledge that we might be missing an important phone call from a client in need who might go elsewhere because I wasn't present to help them. The past couple of years had seen wonderful and dramatic changes in our circumstances with certain goals reached, making it possible for us to take some much needed time off.
We had finished packing our bags and were on our way to a late breakfast at a favorite restaurant before heading to the airport when we were given a wonderful send off gift in a way that only real life can give. As we waited our turn to forge forward into the onslaught of traffic at one of the busiest intersections in town, I reflected on changes in our lives and that of the community we call home . The growth of our little town in Oregon has brought with it the inevitable strains and stresses of an over burdened traffic system. Weekends can be an emotionally trying experience for drivers as they endure the numerous traffic lights at busy intersections, choked with the big trucks and SUV's that are so popular with folks these days. Many people have moved into our area seeking a better, if not slower way of life for themselves and their families. My wife was driving this particular morning and as I sat in the passenger seat I saw movement, out of the corner of my eye, close to the ground at the side of the road. I peered closer and saw, through the moving traffic, a mother hen duck with a brood of about ten tiny ducklings huddled close around her.
The tires of cars and trucks flew by within inches of this little group as I sat and watched an amazing event take place. "What was this little mother up to and why was she risking her life and that of her little group of babies so close to the highway?" I wondered out loud. My wife had now seen the ducks as well and we discussed our concern for these little feathered creature's safety so close to the roadway. I looked across to the opposite side of the intersection, and saw, at the bottom of an embankment, that there was a large expanse of green grass, kept well watered by the highway department. Evidently this little Oregon duck's goal was to get her family across that highway and to an area she recognized and knew was as a place of safety and sustenance.
We sat at the light and a sinking feeling came over me at the possibility of the fate that might lie in store if the mother duck ventured out into the roadway. With the fast pace of the cars and their driver's concentration on whatever "bigger" tasks at hand they might have, what if they didn't take notice of this tiny group of intrepid adventurers crossing the road? The possible consequences were not pleasant to think about.
The hen began to maneuver herself at a fast but careful pace, between chrome bumpers and moving tires as the traffic slowed for a brief moment. The little chicks followed right behind in a tight group. As good fortune would have it the lights had turned red and a large portion of the traffic was temporarily at a standstill, but not all. As the family of tiny waterfowl dodged and waddled their way across one, then two of the six lanes of the highway, I wondered aloud at how monstrously large and looming those automobiles must appear to the hen and her babies as they forged a path to the opposite side. It must have seemed a nearly impossible task. The hen never wavered or even hinted at turning back.
The light changed in the favor of the cars when the tiny ducks were about one third of the way across the expanse of asphalt on their perilous journey. Then, an amazing thing happened. Cars that would normally surge forward as accelerators were jammed to the floor just sat still. I looked up from the ducks at the faces of the drivers in the other cars and saw nearly everyone's gaze was directed at this small group of intrepid adventurers as they made their way across the road. I swear I don't recall hearing a single horn from the motorists behind the front row of autos sitting at the light. Everyone waited patiently as the duck's journeyed across to the safety of the other side. It must have seemed to be taking forever to reach the lush green grass, fresh and wet from a recent watering that awaited them. How heavenly the thought of reaching the other side must have seemed to the ducks. I couldn't help but think what it would have meant to me had I been in that group so single of mind and purpose.
As the ducks continued on my wife drove forward cautiously, as did the others around us. I turned to look back and saw that traffic was beginning to move normally through the intersection again. We drove along in silence for a bit. When I brought myself to the point where I could finally glance over at my wife I saw that she had tears in her eyes. It was difficult to see her through the tears welling up in my own. More silence ensued, neither one of us prepared to take on the challenge of describing what we were feeling just yet. Once the emotional tightness in my throat subsided enough to allow me to speak, we began to discuss what we were witness to, and what it was about this wonderful gift of a moment that struck such a shared emotional chord.
We were amazed both at the bravery of that mother hen to forge forward under overwhelming perilous circumstances, leading the way for her little chicks, and at the incredible trust that those little chicks put in their mother as she guided them through seemingly impossible odds to reach the goal of a better place in which to grow and prosper.
We were witness to a magical moment in life, proving how natural it is to face a great challenge and to overcome against immense odds with determination and trust. We had been given a wonderful gift from God, at the beginning of our vacation, as He demonstrated to us that no matter how impossible a task may seem, through staying together, with trust, determination and a clear goal, we will succeed. Now, looking back over 40 years of marriage, full of its own challenges against seemingly overwhelming odds, I cannot describe in words what a spiritual experience it was to share this with my wife, my best friend and my soul mate.
Looking back, as the traffic of life speeds around me, I realize how so blessed I am to have forged across the intersections in my life, fraught with uncertainty and overwhelming odds, to reach worthy goals in my life. I am further blessed, secure in the knowledge that I have the faith to continue to do so.
The most wonderful and amazing blessing of all is knowing that I will not be doing so alone.
#michaelddavis
©2018 Michael D. Davis  All Rights Reserved
Michael D. Davis is a communicator by vocation, a mentor by avocation and a social media maven by choice. His work can be found on popular channels on the web and on his blog at http://thedailychalkboard.tumblr.com/ Michael welcomes your comments and invites you to join him. Just Google #michaelddavis or #thedailychalkboard to find him and request to connect.
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datshq · 7 years ago
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Fic: My mood is inconsistent
Birdmen Week 2017: Voice
Summary: Mikisada thinks about voices, but it all comes down to imprinting. Relationships: Eishi & Mikisada friendship, Bird Club friendship mentioned
AO3 link
As far as Mikisada was concerned, hearing was an overrated sense. There were many times when, instead of listening, he simply tuned out and focused on something different. He didn't learn by listening to teachers drone on, preferring doing exercises privately together with Ei-chan. He didn't care for the chatter of his classmates, who gossiped about him often enough for him to not want to hear any of it. He especially didn't want to listen to the judgemental rants of his father or now former coach, their voices full of judgement and disappointment.
The silence of his former teammates was a more mixed bag. Mikisada didn't want to listen to them anyway, but they could still make their silence louder than any words. Although, with time, even that grew easier to ignore.
When Mikisada had become a Birdman, he'd started to reconsider his opinion on voices and listening to them. The Bird Club had some pretty nice voices, after all.
There was Ei-chan, who did often say things Mikisada didn't want to hear but also knew when to be silent when Mikisada wanted silence. Ei-chan also sometimes spoke the kindest things or the most fun things and Mikisada was unable to not listen.
When Sagisawa spoke, it was in a soothing tone that didn't grate on Mikisada's ears. He also hadn't said a single unkind thing in the time Mikisada had known him so maybe that was a part of it. Maybe kinder people were granted nicer voices by the gods as a reward or maybe voices that weren't used to say cruel things just sounded good because they were kind.
Also, Sagisawa mostly spoke to Ei-chan, the two nerds preferring to nerd out together rather than boring the rest of the flock. Heh. Flock.
For some time, Mikisada thought that Tsubame had the best voice of them all. It was bubbly and giggly but never ever cruel. It was safe and Mikisada never felt like he had to tune her out. He wished more girls had a voice like hers.
He wished more girls could kick as hard as her, too. Tsubame really was amazing in a lot of ways.
On the other hand, Takayama was the opposite of Tsubame. He had a rough voice, probably because he talked to rarely, with a raspy quality to it. But Mikisada didn't mind because Takayama spoke the least out of all of them. Speaking tired him out just like listening tired Mikisada out and it was so easy to follow the lead of someone Mikisada knew would never be harsh with his voice even when his voice had the potential for it.
Takayama didn't raise his voice unnecessarily, which made his voice also safe to listen to. It was a similar emotion Mikisada got from Tsubame's, so maybe the two weren't all that different after all.
Actually, it wasn't what Mikisada necessarily minded shouting. Ei-chan yelled all the time and it was never threatening. It was actually kind of endearing and fun. It was when his voice lowered into that threatening, serious drawl that Mikisada felt uncomfortable listening to it. But even so, he never ignored Ei-chan. He couldn't after so many years of getting used to listening to Ei-chan even when he didn't say a word.
Yeah, for someone who didn't like listening, Mikisada was good at listening to Ei-chan. Whether it was mumbling or just the other radiating his mood incredibly strongly, Mikisada could catch on easily.
Mikisada remembered one thing from the mess of shock and horror and pain that had blurred most of his experience in getting shot. He could remember, clear over everything else, Ei-chan's voice, strong and there. The voice had felt almost solid, wrapping around all of him and taking his fear away just like Takayama had eased his pain only moments later.
The biology homework for the day had a bunch of stuff about animal reproduction, including imprinting. Apparently baby birds grew attached to sights, smells and sounds from their moment of birth. Humans also had a phase in life when they grew attached to things and learned things more easily.
Mikisada wondered if he'd imprinted on Ei-chan's voice in that moment, when it had been such a comfort when he'd been scared beyond belief. He glanced at Ei-chan over the low desk, scribbling notes away, and wondered if Ei-chan nerdy brain would appreciate the thought, of finding traits in their behavior.
Or then he'd be offended over the consideration of them being what basically amounted to baby chicks.
"Ei-chan?" Mikisada started and watched as his friend's attention snapped to him immediately.
Ei-chan had been doing that for a while now, startling at the sound of his name, but the reaction was growing less extreme. It only happened when Mikisada called him, and when Mikisada called his name specifically.
It was something Mikisada had noticed, but he didn't think about it further than that, thinking that Ei-chan was probably figuring it out himself better than he ever could.
"What's up, Kamoda?" Ei-chan asked, voice neutral and unbothered. "Are the attached questions giving you trouble?"
There were attached questions to the reading? He'll look at them later, Mikisada decided and instead said: "Can humans imprint?"
"In psychology it's called the critical learning period," Ei-chan answered, always knowledgeable. He'd probably read up on it to maximise his own learning, the brilliant nerd that he was. "It's when we can intake information the best."
Mikisada pondered. "Does that involve getting attached to things, like voices?"
"Of course." Ei-chan lifted his hand, like he was about to prop up his glasses to increase his sense of authority, only to swipe at his bangs instead when he realized he wasn't wearing any anymore.
Apparently Ei-chan had imprinted on having glasses. The thought made Mikisada grin.
Ei-chan scowled at Mikisada, probably thinking his friend was making fun of him. "Why do you ask?"
"I was just thinking," Mikisada confessed, looking at his biology book's picture of a flock of baby ducklings following their mother along. He looked back up and grinned at Ei-chan. "I think I imprinted on your supervillain voice."
"My what?" Ei-chan's tone actually dropped when he hissed the question and Mikisada jumped a bit before hurrying to explain: "The scary voice you did in my head."
Ei-chan was frowning, but not angrily, it was that thoughtful-sad look he got when they came across the basketball team. It made Mikisada wonder just what Ei-chan thought he needed protecting from.
"What do you mean by 'imprint'?" Ei-chan finally asked.
Mikisada shrugged. "It just makes me feel safe."
Ei-chan made a face. "It makes you feel safe?" The shorter boy began waving his arms dramatically. "You just called it scary!"
"Yeah, but it's only really scary to people who'd hurt me, right?" Mikisada grinned.
His answer made Ei-chan cover his face with his hands, ears red with the force of the blush he was concealing. Mikisada figured Ei-chan must have been very pleased.
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infinitexkind-aa · 5 years ago
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@godblessrickgrimes | planned starter
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[ I look like a chicken ]
Erin held in a laugh as the young girl, who was like her baby sister, signed from across the room. Juliet, the youngest Grimes child, aged thirteen, was having her hair set for the upcoming wedding of her brother... and she was not wrong, about the chicken thing. Her golden-brown hair teased to high heaven and her dress was a pale yellow and had enough tulle that it puffed out around her small frame, as she sat in the chair. She was definitely giving off fluffy baby chick vibes.
[ A very cute chicken ] Erin signed back. Juliet had ménière’s disease, which was a condition of the inner-ear that caused episodes of vertigo and hearing loss that came and went. So, she, along with the rest of the family had learned sign language to help Juliet to be able to communicate during her silent times. Now was not one of those times, they just liked being able to talk without everyone else listening in and a room was filled with uppity bride's maids was the perfect place.
[ Besides, if your a chicken, then I am the ugly duckling ] Erin wasn't in yellow like Juliet and the others, she was dressed in gray. She was meant to match the groomsmen and their comber buns because she wasn't there at the request of the bride. Lori didn't want her there and would have been all too happy if she didn't exist at all. Both of these feelings were mutual.
She looked beautiful, dressed all in white and beaming with a glow of happiness and excitement and watching her get ready to walk down the aisle made Erin want to cry. Not the happy tears that many shed at weddings, no it was gut-wrenching pain that brought the well of to her eyes. Lori was heading towards a life of everything that Erin wanted, with the man that she loved.    
Erin wasn't sure she could actually make it through the ceremony or watching the happy couple start their lives together, start a family together. Her car was packed, all she had to do was leave, just leave and keep on going. Start her own new life but she knew that would hurt Rick, he wanted her there, wanted her to stand up with him and she couldn't break his heart as he unknowingly had hers. He was her very best friend and no matter how it killed her, she was meant to be happy for him.
Something hit Erin and she looked down to see a curler in her lap. The projectile launched across the room from the little sister who no longer has her attention. Erin plastered on a smile and hoped it hid the sadness in her eyes as she focused on the hand movements, [ You dare me to cluck during the ceremony ] after which her smile wasn't so forced.    
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A few hours later, the officiant, Rick, and Shane, his best man waited at the altar. Erin was then to lead the rest of the groomsmen in, to be followed by the mothers brought in by Rick's father, then the bridesmaids, maid of honor, then Juliet who had put up a stink of being the flower girl, stating that she was too old, but had given in when she was also given the very grown-up job of handling the ring bearer, how happened to be three years old and prone to swallowing things that were not food.
After all of this processional, the fanfare would truly begin. The music would swell and the bride would take her walk down the aisle, on the arm of her loving father. There were many times in Erin's life when she thought of this day, of seeing Rick waiting at the altar, they may have even played it all out once or twice in the backyard as children, but in all of those times, she had always been at the end of the line, not the beginning.
She walked in and instead of the flushed excitement, the happy butterflies she imagined she'd feel if this moment belonged to her, she felt sick, her heart ached, her head pounded and if she'd eaten anything that day she was sure it would have scattered across the runner like so many flower petals. Erin had no clue how she managed it at all but in the end, she stood in her practiced spot, next to her cousin and tried her hardest not to hyperventilate.
Things happened in a bit of a blur after this point and the words of the officiant reached her ears as if they traveled through water, at least until they came into sharp focus, with 'speak now or forever hold your peace' and she felt herself react, as if through some out of body experience. “Wait..” She wasn't sure at first that she'd actually said it but then all eyes turned to her and she knew and she there was no turning back.
You would think that it would be at this point that she'd actually be sick but it turned out that this was the only moment in the whole day that she didn't feel like she was about to completely crumble apart. “Just.. wait..” She continued after only a slight pause. Erin stepped forward towards Rick, a little surprised that Shane didn't stop her, though he may have been in a bit of shock.
“I'm right here..” She spoke softly, and more calmly then she had any right to at a time like this. “See me, choose me. I love you.”
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alexandrasrivers-blog · 7 years ago
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hi friends its krista again idk why i keep posting these intros u all know who i am
anyways this is lexi and she’s the worst
there’s some bullets under the cut if you wanna plot with her :-) and her bio is right here
her real name is karlene alexandra gothel, and she is the child of the infamous mother gothel from tangled.
make sure you remember her middle name bc it plays a key role in the story
she definitely does not go by karlene anymore
she goes by lexi instead for reasons that i will explain momentarily
honest it would be best if you didn’t call her karlene tbh you’d probably get punched or spit on not sure which
though she doesn’t introduce herself as karlene gothel anymore so like y’all might be safe from that
okay so the first thing to know about her is that she pretty much hates everyone and everything. i wish i was exaggerating but i promise you that i’m not. she’s genuinely the worst. like, she truthfully doesn’t care about you or your feelings and that will probably never change.
i should probably talk about her birth now though shouldn’t i because like “woah how did gothel have a kid what no way !!” Alright, here’s the story. So, a loooong time ago, a droplet of sunlight fell from the sky and from it grew the infamous magic golden flower that set everything up for the events of Tangled. That night, though, a droplet of moonlight fell as well, thus growing a magic silver flower. I know, creative, right? Anyways, that magic silver flower was never discovered, because it ended up being covered up by weeds and vines. Fast forward to when Rapunzel’s hair is cut and Gothel falls out the window of the tower. It’s implied that she’s dead, but that wasn’t the case. What ended up happening was that Gothel used the last bit of magic she had left and used it to disappear, ending up deep in the forests of Corona. After wandering around for days, looking like a frail old woman who should have died hundreds of years ago, she came across that Magic Silver Flower. You can imagine how shook she was. I know I would’ve been shooketh as hell. She probably thought she was seeing things. anyways she dug up that flower and washed it off in the river to get all the dirt off the roots and then she ate that bitch right then and there.
surprise surprise it turNED HER YOUNG AGAIN !!! and by young I mean like she looked to be in her early thirties.
And then she moved into a village on the outskirts of Corona where no one would find her, and met a man named Henry. Gothel felt absolutely nothing for Henry whereas he was beyond smitten with her. tbh Gothel used him for fun but then she found out she was pregnant so she packed up what little she had and ended up back in her tower.
When Karlene was born, the first thing Gothel noticed was that her eyes were a startling silver color, and the baby’s skin had a sort of ... glowing hue to it? And it was then that Gothel realized just how special this child was, and that the effects of the Moon Flower passed down into her daughter. 
Realizing this was what awoke the greedy side of Gothel, and she felt the need to covet this child the same way she coveted Rapunzel. The only difference was, Karlene fucking despised it growing up. She literally hated that tower. If you were to ask her about the tower now, she’d clench her fists and say she wants to burn it down. She hated that tower so much that when Gothel was away on a trip to the market, she left.
This is both the best and worst thing that Karlene had done for herself. The best, because she was finally free of that godforsaken tower. The worst, because she was only free for a good six hours.
Homegirl took off as soon as she was outside, and ran until she got to a river bank. Keep this in mind, because it’s important.
At that river bank, she was approached by two really big, scary looking dudes. If you’ve ever seen Tangled, I’m just going to tell you that said dudes are the Stabbington Brothers aka the two guys Flynn went to steal the Crown with. 
She tried to fight them off and ended up pushing one of them so hard that he stumbled back, and this was super surprising to the brothers bc that didn’t happen very often. So they talked her into following them (( stupid girl )) and led her to the Snuggly Duckling, where they proceeded to show her the secret entrance into the Mines of Corona. As they got deeper through the mines, they came upon yet another secret door, which led to a tunnel that brought all three of them to a warehouse of sorts. In this warehouse was a giant red mat, and some of the most malicious, nasty looking people you’ve ever dreamed of. Adults, and teenagers alike. 
basically !!!!!! they brought her to an illegal fight club !!! and threw her into the ring without any experience with a lot of money bet on her winning !! and shE GOT THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HER !!! but honestly karlene is one of those girls who is like definitely not going down without getting a punch in (( even though she’s never fought anyone in her whole life #yikes )) so she got back up and spit blood in her opponents eyes and punched him as hard as she could and ended up knocking this kid out.
she ended up living in that warehouse in like apartments above the room where the ring is and stayed there until she was eighteen and p much became the main event like she was a real money floater every criminal around had heard of her and wanted to face off against her and a lot of them lost but some of them won u kno how it is
BUT THEN GOTHEL somehow heard thru the grapevine where her precious moonlight was and hopped her ass into that warehouse and honestly the sight of her shook lexi so much that she wasnt paying attention to her opponent and got the shit knocked out of her
and when she woke up, she was outside in the grass being scolded by gothel
who pulled the whole “mother knows best” shit on her to which lexi was like “lol hell no” and gothel was all “wow the disrespeCT !! if u think ur so big and bad lets truly see how u do on ur own” and shipped her ass off to wda
where she has been for a year currently
she is very into provoking people honestly like she doesn’t have a fight club here yet (or at least she hasnt found one) and is rlly itching to fight someone again 
she likes to see who’s going to take the first swing
but at the same time she rlly doesn’t care
im so !! abt her so doesn’t care abt anything sighs how will i even deal with this kid
i think im gonna post random fact about her now?
she’s 5′3 and uses her lack of height as an advantage tbh it gives her easier access to punch guys in the dick and chicks in the tit which is always fun
she loves blue raspberry cotton candy ok dont question it
SHE WILL NEVER HURT AN ANIMAL OK SHE LOVES ANIMALS she has a year old gray maine coon and his name is oscar and he’s a dick tbh like he has those hateful eyes
honest meme is oscar likes u then ur doin somethin right friend
her favorite color is pastel pink dont judge
she wears a lot of athletic clothing bc its comfortable and she doesn’t care what she looks like so u kno catch her walking around campus in sports bras and leggings bc why the fuck not i guess
idk whAT ELSE TO PUT MAN FUCK 
i really love her though and im hoping you guys do too pls come plot with me
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chocobo-sunshine · 8 years ago
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Instead of getting the chocobo egg in time to Wiz, the chocobo hatches early. Now the four Chocobros are confronted much to soon with parenthood, because as Wiz confirms, the little one sees Noctis as his mother. Since some chocobo chicks seem to imprint like ducklings, it will follow Noctis with his black wild hair to the end of the earth. Will they survive? Will the world survive?
Oh, this is cute!
I’m sorry I took so much time answering you, but I really wanted for it to turn right. And I hope you’ll enjoy it. ♥
After rescuing the still warm egg, the Chocobros are literally flying their way to Wiz’s outpost, when they hear a cracking sound. They all freeze; even Ignis, who’s driving, loses it for a second. Pointing his head out little by little, here’s our little chick, who is standing in Prompto’s arms.Silence reigns for a second. The chick looks at Noctis, and starts to scream.Ignis is forced to pull over, in order to figure things out with the little black bird in their car. The little one still screams, the sound piercing through the Chocobros’ ears. How the hell do you take care of a chick just hatched?!Ignis has the intuition. Food. They still have the Chocobo’s food that Wiz gave to them for helping him out at the outpost, so there we are.Taking turns, the guys try to feed him, but he refuses just everything, and Prompto’s arms are beginning to get scratched quite badly.Trying to help him, Noctis takes the little bird. And it calms down. He just does shut it up in a moment. “Impressive”, states Ignis. Even Gladio realises what has just happened. “How are we going to cope with this?”“This what?” asks Prompto, while disinfecting the red scratches in his arms. Ignis point out to Noctis, and Prompto just loses it: Noctis is standing there, holding carefully the little Chocobo, feeding him. He then starts to walk around in a funny and awkward way, making Prompto just fall to the ground laughing. “Seems like our little friend here just found his mother” says Ignis, making Prompto scream: “How’re things there, mommy”.Noctis looks at him frowning. “Shut up”, he whispers. “You’re waking him up”.
“Well, well. Nothin’ we can do for it, ya’know”. Wiz looks at the little black bird, resting in an arranged nest made out of leaves and sticks, the best that Gladio could find.“Can’t we just leave it there?” asks Noctis. Not that he doesn’t want the chick to be around, he totally love that tiny ball of black fur. But going around the whole land of Eos isn’t exactly suitable for a hatchling.“She sure can’t, she’ll need her mother to grow strong” he states. They realize now the cute chick is a female, and Noctis swears he’ll protect her with all he got.
It isn’t easy taking her out of troubles, for the new born wouldn’t understand how much perilous the outside world is for her. All the boys would help Noct in his ‘mommy mission’, Prompto being the most affectionate one. He would just fall in love with her, starting to call her ‘Coco’.For the first few weeks, the four of them need to stop by Wiz’s outpost to learn how to take care of her. Coco would follow Noctis in every step he takes, making him nervous sometimes for he fears he could hurt her in some way. Prompto would soon join Noctis in learning how to nourish her correctly, how to make her fall asleep, how to pet her, how to grow her in the right way.Ignis would think about new recipes, made out special ingredients that Gladiolus would learn to recognise and find in his explorations.They actually have some good time, but it would too soon be time to depart again. Coco goes with them, of course, never abandoning her mommy, but there comes the real difficult part. Coco’s not able to fight, she’s still too small to even run away quickly, so the boys have to take a good look on her, even when they’re fighting. Nothing more difficult. As a baby, Coco would be the most desirable pray for every kind of creature and monster. Literally, everything.Noct would take his duty very seriously, always being careful not to get her involved in nearly anything that’s dangerous for her. Well… Quite anything. Coco’s a little curious thing, and never fails to enjoy get into someplace dangerous, like Voretooths nests, and riding Spiracorns.When it comes to sleep, there’s no way Coco would leave Noctis’s bed place. She would curl up near his side, and fall asleep instantly when Noctis starts to pet her head gently. Prompto would sometimes try to steal her from her mommy’s side, but has he touches her, even if she’s deeply sleeping, she scratches him, and he has to let her go.Eventually, Coco will grow up. She will became a beautiful black Chocobo, the most rare type. She will be fierce and courageous, and even join the guys in fight, kicking back the enemies, and learn how to boost her saviours’ abilities. Her only presence is enough to bring a smile on their face, always.Seeing the Chocobros ride their own Chocobos, Coco will start to manifest the intention to be the only one Noctis can pick for a ride. Noct will take her to Wiz’s outpost, where she can learn how to run properly without letting Noctis fall.When Noctis bring Coco in one of his visit to Lunafreya, Coco gets extremely jealous. She would hide herself behind her mommy at first, but when he starts to show affection toward the girl, Coco will leave behind her all her shyness, and let her know whom the one girl who really rocks is.Eventually, Coco will want (and need) to leave. It would be hard for everyone, Prompto sighing and crying a little bit. Ignis would cook a little something only for her, with the finest ingredients gathered by Gladio. Noctis would pat her for the last time, and then let her go into the wild, as she requests to. However, nobody ever forgets their little cutie black Coco.
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infinitexkind-aaa · 3 years ago
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@mercyprevaild​ | speak now starter
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[ I look like a chicken ]
Erin held in a laugh as the young girl, who was like her baby sister, signed from across the room. Juliet, the youngest Grimes child, aged thirteen, was having her hair set for the upcoming wedding of her brother… and she was not wrong, about the chicken thing. Her golden-brown hair teased to high heaven and her dress was a pale yellow and had enough tulle that it puffed out around her small frame, as she sat in the chair. She was definitely giving off fluffy baby chick vibes.
[ A very cute chicken ] Erin signed back. Juliet had ménière’s disease, which was a condition of the inner-ear that caused episodes of vertigo and hearing loss that came and went. So, she, along with the rest of the family had learned sign language to help Juliet to be able to communicate during her silent times. Now was not one of those times, they just liked being able to talk without everyone else listening in and a room was filled with uppity bride’s maids was the perfect place.
[ Besides, if your a chicken, then I am the ugly duckling ] Erin wasn’t in yellow like Juliet and the others, she was dressed in gray. She was meant to match the groomsmen and their comber buns because she wasn’t there at the request of the bride. Lori didn’t want her there and would have been all too happy if she didn’t exist at all. Both of these feelings were mutual.
She looked beautiful, dressed all in white and beaming with a glow of happiness and excitement and watching her get ready to walk down the aisle made Erin want to cry. Not the happy tears that many shed at weddings, no it was gut-wrenching pain that brought the well of to her eyes. Lori was heading towards a life of everything that Erin wanted, with the man that she loved.    
Erin wasn’t sure she could actually make it through the ceremony or watching the happy couple start their lives together, start a family together. Her car was packed, all she had to do was leave, just leave and keep on going. Start her own new life but she knew that would hurt Rick, he wanted her there, wanted her to stand up with him and she couldn’t break his heart as he unknowingly had hers. He was her very best friend and no matter how it killed her, she was meant to be happy for him.
Something hit Erin and she looked down to see a curler in her lap. The projectile launched across the room from the little sister who no longer has her attention. Erin plastered on a smile and hoped it hid the sadness in her eyes as she focused on the hand movements, [ You dare me to cluck during the ceremony ] after which her smile wasn’t so forced.    
                                                             ———————
A few hours later, the officiant, Rick, and Shane, his best man waited at the altar. Erin was then to lead the rest of the groomsmen in, to be followed by the mothers brought in by Rick’s father, then the bridesmaids, maid of honor, then Juliet who had put up a stink of being the flower girl, stating that she was too old, but had given in when she was also given the very grown-up job of handling the ring bearer, how happened to be three years old and prone to swallowing things that were not food.
After all of this processional, the fanfare would truly begin. The music would swell and the bride would take her walk down the aisle, on the arm of her loving father. There were many times in Erin’s life when she thought of this day, of seeing Rick waiting at the altar, they may have even played it all out once or twice in the backyard as children, but in all of those times, she had always been at the end of the line, not the beginning.
She walked in and instead of the flushed excitement, the happy butterflies she imagined she’d feel if this moment belonged to her, she felt sick, her heart ached, her head pounded and if she’d eaten anything that day she was sure it would have scattered across the runner like so many flower petals. Erin had no clue how she managed it at all but in the end, she stood in her practiced spot, next to her cousin and tried her hardest not to hyperventilate.
Things happened in a bit of a blur after this point and the words of the officiant reached her ears as if they traveled through water, at least until they came into sharp focus, with ’speak now or forever hold your peace’ and she felt herself react, as if through some out of body experience. “Wait..” She wasn’t sure at first that she’d actually said it but then all eyes turned to her and she knew and she there was no turning back.
You would think that it would be at this point that she’d actually be sick but it turned out that this was the only moment in the whole day that she didn’t feel like she was about to completely crumble apart. “Just.. wait..” She continued after only a slight pause. Erin stepped forward towards Rick, a little surprised that Shane didn’t stop her, though he may have been in a bit of shock.
“I’m right here..” She spoke softly, and more calmly then she had any right to at a time like this. “See me, choose me. I love you.”
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josephkitchen0 · 7 years ago
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Poultry Predator Identification
By Gail Damerow – “What are you building there, a bunker?” My visiting uncle was referring to the concrete foundation of an under-construction chicken house on our new farm. Looking at it through his eyes, maybe it was overkill. On the other hand, a neighbor had told us nothing we could do would stop predation. “Chickens just don’t live long out here,” he said.
Well, as long as we kept our flock in that “bunker,” we never lost a chicken. Oh, except for the two that disappeared one day when we let the flock out to forage while we worked in the garden. The chickens took advantage of their new-found freedom by wandering into the woods to scratch in the dry leaves. We heard a quick, loud squawk from the right and then, almost immediately, a quick, loud squawk from the left. The flock came back two short. A pair of foxes with hungry kits apparently happened along that first (and last) time we allowed the chickens to roam from their bunkered yard.
We had built that coop next to the garden near our house. We figured the chickens would be easy to care for there, and we could feed them weeds and other garden refuse. But we soon tired of the early morning crowing outside the bedroom window, so when we put up a barn some distance from the house we added a hen house to one end. We soon learned that our chicken bunker had lulled us into complacency about the local predator population. Plenty of critters are out there, seeking an opportunity to dine on homegrown poultry.
The first step to deterring predators is to identify them. Each critter has a modus operandi that serves as something of a calling card to let you know which animal you’re dealing with. Having raised chickens for nearly 40 years, I’ve seen quite a few of these signs, but every now and then I still get stumped, largely because the predators haven’t read the books and don’t always conform to their own standard procedure. One sure sign, of course, is tracks, but in an active poultry yard tracks quickly get obliterated, so you can’t count on tracks alone. Your best guide is to examine where, how, and when birds turn up dead or missing.
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Birds Missing
Missing chickens or ducks were likely carried off by a fox, coyote, dog, bobcat, owl, or hawk. One time I was working in my yard and could only watch helplessly when a hawk swooped down and carried off a full-grown banty hen that had been happily scratching in the orchard. Although we rarely lose a full-grown bird to hawks, we take great care to enclose chicks, ducklings, and goslings, as these small birds are particularly attractive to hawks and other predators.
Hawks work in the daytime; owls work at night. A band of guinea fowl that liked to roost on the utility line running to the roof of our house disappeared one by one. We began to notice that whenever we heard a sharp thump on the roof during the night, in the morning another guinea was gone. One night when we were awakened by the thump, we ran out and saw a great horned owl land near our back door. The night-time rooftop thumps continued until we convinced the remaining guineas to roost in the woodshed.
If your missing birds are ducks, and you live near water, a mink may be doing the dirty deed. Raccoons, too, will carry off a duck or chicken and may raid the poultry yard as a cooperative venture and then squabble over their kill. You may find the carcass some distance from the coop, the insides eaten and feathers scattered around.
A snake will eat chicks and ducklings without leaving a trace. I once found a black snake in our brooder after he had gulped down a couple of chicks, then (being too fat to slip back out through the wire) curled up under the heat lamp to sleep off his fine meal.
Photo by Michael Dougherty.
Domestic and feral house cats will make chicks and ducklings disappear, but leave the wings and feathers of growing birds. On rare occasions a cat will kill a mature duck or chicken, eating the meatier parts and leaving the skin and feathers, and sometimes other parts, scattered around. I learned accidentally the best way to train a cat to leave chickens alone when my new kitten followed me to the chicken yard. She took an interest in some baby chicks, whereupon the mother hen puffed up to twice her normal size and chased the kitten away. For the rest of her life, that cat laid her ears back and skulked away from any chicken that happened by.
Rats will carry off chicks or ducklings and leave older ones chewed up. I once sold a dozen ducklings to a fellow who had previously raised chickens and was fully aware of their cannibalistic tendencies. He called me to report that his ducklings were eating each other. I assured him ducklings don’t do that, and suggested he had rats, but he insisted and persisted in calling with his cannibalistic duck reports. Then one day the calls stopped. Next time I saw him I asked (with a smirk) if the last remaining duckling had eaten itself. He sheepishly admitted he had a rat problem.
When you find a bird dead inside an enclosure with its head and crop missing, your visitor was a raccoon. Photo by Michael Dougherty.
Birds Dead
Chickens or ducks found dead in the yard, but without any missing parts, were likely attacked by a dog. Dogs kill for sport. When the bird stops moving, the dog loses interest, which is why you often find the victim of a canine attack near where it was killed. I once found a dozen of my fryers dead and lined up neatly on the walkway. I was trying to guess what kind of predator could have done such a thing, when my new puppy came bounding up with yet another fryer to add to his collection.
Like dogs, weasels and their relations (ferrets, fishers, martens, mink, and so forth) also kill for sport. If you find bloodied bodies surrounded by scattered feathers, you were likely visited by one of them.
If you find dead birds that have been flattened, the only thing you know is that some kind of predator frightened them; in trying to get away, they piled in a corner or against a wall and the ones on the bottom suffocated. This sort of thing happens most commonly with turkeys. Similarly, panicked ducks may stampede and trample one another.
Tracks are not easy to find in a busy poultry yard, unless you go looking early after a rain. This track is the rear foot of a raccoon. Photos by Gail Damerow.
This track was left by a large dog; it is distinctive from a bobcat track because it is narrower than long and shows claw marks.
Parts Missing
A dead bird found inside a fenced enclosure or pen with its head missing is likely the victim of a raccoon that reached in, grabbed the bird, and pulled its head through the wire. Or a bird of prey could have frightened your birds into fluttering against the wire, and those that poked their heads through the wire lost their heads.
When you find a bird dead inside an enclosure with its head and crop missing, your visitor was a raccoon. If the head and back of the neck are missing, suspect a weasel or mink. If the head and neck are missing, and feathers are scattered near a fence post, the likely perp is a great horned owl.
Just as a raccoon will reach into a pen and pull off a chicken’s head, so will it also pull off a leg, if that’s what it gets hold of first. Dogs, too, may prowl underneath a raised pen, bite at protruding feet, and pull off legs.
Birds Bitten
If you find dead or wounded birds that have been bitten, they may have been attacked by a dog. If they are young birds and the bites are around the hock, suspect a rat. If the bites are on the leg or breast, the biter is likely an opossum. ‘Possums like tender growing birds and will sneak up to the roost while fryers are sleeping and bite a chunk out of a breast or thigh. On the rare occasion a ‘possum kills a chicken, it usually eats it on the spot.
Birds bitten around the rear end, and have their intestines pulled out, have been attacked by a weasel or one of its relatives. A hen that prolapsed may look similar, as the protruding red tissue attracts other chickens to peck, and if they peck long enough and hard enough before you intervene, they will eventually pull out her intestines. Other signs of cannibalism are missing toes and wounds around the top of the tail of growing chickens. Hens with slice wounds along their backs get them after being repeatedly mated by a sharp-clawed rooster.
Eggs Missing
Lots of predators like eggs, including rats, skunks, snakes, opossums, raccoons, crows, and jays. Rats, skunks, and snakes make off with the entire egg. Rats and skunks roll them away. One time I heard a ruckus in my goose yard and ran out to see a small skunk struggling to roll away a big goose egg with its front paws. A skunk that has been pilfering eggs will leave its odor behind. If you faintly smell skunk but find shell shards in or around the nest, the raider is more likely an old boar raccoon.
Sensing the presence of a freshly laid warm egg, Mr. T Kingsnake hoists his four feet up the wall and into the manger at the upper left. Photos by Gail Damerow.
A snake eats the egg right out of the nest. One time when I was collecting eggs from our Khaki Campbells I found a lumpy black snake curled up in one of the nests. Currently, we have a four-foot Kingsnake living in the hay storage area of our barn. We’re happy to have him clear out the rodents. We call him The Terminator (Mr. T for short) and don’t mind that he pilfers the occasional egg laid inside the barn; he won’t go into the hen house for fear of the guinea fowl that share our chickens’ quarters.
Mr. T wraps his mouth around his prize and, working his mouth back and forth over the egg, takes nearly an hour to get it down his throat.
Unable to climb back out of the manger with his muscles stretched by his fine breakfast, Mr. T curls up for a nap.
Jays, crows, ’possums, raccoons, and occasionally skunks leave tell-tale shells. Jays and crows may carry empty shells quite a distance from where they found the eggs, while a ’possum or ’coon leaves empty shells in or near the nest. Sometimes after cleaning out a nest, a bold ’possum will curl up in the nest and take a nap.
Night or Day
Most predators work at night — some in the dead of night, others at dark or dawn. Exceptions are dogs (which kill any time they get the whim), coyotes (which occasionally hunt during the day), and foxes (which prefer to hunt around dawn or dusk but will hunt during the day if game is scarce or they are feeding kits). Among flying predators, owls strike at night, hawks swoop down in daylight.
Rodents
Rats and mice are a particularly insidious type of predator. They’re everywhere, breed like rats, and can’t take a hint. They invade any time of year, but get worse during fall and winter when they move indoors seeking food and shelter. Rats eat eggs and chicks, and both rats and mice eat copious quantities of feed and spread disease. To add insult to injury, rodents gnaw holes in housing, and burrow underneath, providing entry for other predators.
Whether or not you find evidence, you can safely assume you have a rodent problem. Discourage rodents by eliminating their hide-outs, including piles of unused equipment and other scrap. Store feed in containers with tight lids and avoid or sweep up spills. Aggressive measures include getting a cat or a Jack Russell Terrier, and  —if you’ve got rats and you’re experienced with a gun — shoot ’em. Don’t bother with techie solutions like ultrasound black boxes and electromagnetic radiation — they’re as ineffective as they are expensive.
Poisoning is a last resort, as you never know if you might poison pets, children, or harmless wildlife. Besides, bait stations work only if the rodents can find no other source of feed, which is pretty unlikely in your average backyard poultry situation. Traps of various sorts are invariably messy, no matter whether they kill or trap live rodents, but are an option when all else fails.
Lots of predators like eggs, including skunks and opossums. Photos by Michael Dougherty.
Controlling Predators
The easiest and best way to protect poultry is to confine them indoors, if not all the time, at least at night. A deep concrete foundation, as our poultry bunker had, discourages digging predators. Cover all openings with fine wire mesh, and if your yard is small enough cover the top of the run as well, to keep out birds of prey. To improve ventilation during hot summer nights, we covered a stock panel with poultry netting and use it as a screen door. Year around we have a bright security light that deters some predators and lets us see better at night.
Keep grass, weeds, and brush mowed around the hen house and yard. Many four-legged creatures don’t like to expose themselves to cross an open field. A good close-mesh fence, especially electrified, will keep out most four-legged marauders. Burying the bottom of the fence with the lowest six to 12 inches bent outward (away from the poultry yard) helps deter diggers.
For pastured poultry, moving the housing every couple of days confuses predators, or at least makes them suspicious. Anchor portable housing with skirting that’s tight and close to the ground; each time you move the shelter, double check for dips where weasels can weasel in.
If you have a problem with a predator that comes back repeatedly, you might call your local wildlife or animal control agency and see if they’ll send out a trapper. Another option is to set a trap yourself. If you use a live trap with the intent of releasing the predator in some far off location, be aware that many animals are territorial and eventually find their way back home. Others come in families, so catching one marauder won’t necessarily solve your problem. And if your marauders are a family of ‘possums, think twice about exterminating them, or you’ll likely end up with a rat problem instead.
A predator-control option favored by many rural folks is to stand guard and shoot. If the marauder is your neighbor’s dog, be sure to check local laws regarding your obligation to notify the neighbor about your intentions. If the predator is a wild animal that’s protected by law, you’re back to begging the wildlife agency for help. In our area, poultry owners persistently complain about reintroduced bald eagles carrying off their chickens; the wildlife people remind us that our best defense is to protect our flocks and let the wildlife be.
I started raising poultry on a ranchette I bought because I was looking for a place where I could raise chickens, and that suburban acre came with chickens and ducks already installed. Our chief poultry predators then were dogs, rats, and ever-tightening zoning laws. Because of the latter, I now raise poultry on a farm at the end of a rural dirt road. We still contend with the occasional dog and, only rarely, rats. Instead, we see a steady and varied parade of wildlife attempting to share our birds. Because these wild animals delight us as much as attempt to frustrate our poultry-keeping efforts, and because it is we who are encroaching on their territory, we do our best to identify the source of any predation and take appropriate defensive measures to protect our flocks while letting the wildlife be.
Originally published in the August/September 2007 issue of Backyard Poultry magazine and regularly vetted for accuracy.
Poultry Predator Identification was originally posted by All About Chickens
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