#he's a newborn I wouldn't make it weird I swear

[daincrediblegg]

Behold: An Eepy Man... Baby.

[braxlrose]

silly and weird tom hcs

a/n: the last ones got deleted for some reason so I'm making a new one!

• this mf steals your food all the time. hes always munchin on something so if you have something that looks good, he's taking it. especially if it's watermelon. he loves watermelon 🍉

• he doesn't tell anybody, but he gets his nails done. he gets pedicures and manicures and loves it so much. you found out one day when he kept going off and not telling anybody where he was going. so you followed him and saw his finger and feet soaking in water 💀

• when you walked in you were trying so hard to hold in a laugh and he was so fucking embarrassed when he saw you. you thought it was extremely ironic because he always called mani-pedis "girly"

• now you two go all the time, and you're way better at making excuses than he was.

• he got high on edibles and thought his feet weren't attached to his body anymore so he started screaming 💀

• over indulges on gushers when he's high

• you guys know those Chinese finger traps? Idk if that's what they're called but you put two fingers in them and they're like really hard to get out of. he LOVES them for some reason, he thinks they're so much fun

• he loves the snow so much, and especially loves snowball fights. it's so much fun, and he also gets to wear extra layers of clothing because of the cold

• during the winter, he gets a bunch of different kinds of hot chocolates and when anybody asks what he's drinking he swears by it that it's black coffee 💀

• he loves watching futurama and says that he strives to be bender 💀 (have yall seen the new episode? I actually really liked it, ik a lot of people said they didn't but I did.)

• gets on his knees while begging (not sexually 🤨) and will even fake cry. he's a master manipulator 💀

• when you guys go to the beach he's always asking you to come play in the water with him

• for any reason if you guys happen to be at a hospital, he goes and looks at all the little newborn babies. they're so cute and he gets all smiley just looking at them.

• he loves romance movies. mf will deny it till the day he dies when anybody asks but you've seen his collection of vhs tapes and dvds. plus bill even admitted tom cried during The Notebook.

• he tries to balance random objects on his head while walking to see it he can do it. he'll add on a object every time he does it.

• he's weirdly amazing at solving Rubix cubes?

• he loves making balloons animals and he always makes the sword ones. he will literallt sword fight with anybody.

• he eats bowls and bowls of cereal so he can get to the prize at the bottom of the box. (I full-heartedly believe he's a little kid at heart)

• he tries to make home-made pizza but ends up burning it 90% of the time.

• he's extremely ticklish on his armpits, stomach and feet and will literally die laughing if you tickle him

• he also loves kids cartoon movies like fox and the hound, Anastasia, Mulan, James and the Giant Peach, etc.

• he loves slap bracelets and has an entire collection of them.

• it wouldn't be the first time you've caught him dancing and singing to Britney spears.

• tom loves everything bathes. on camera he says he prefers showers but in reality he likes bathes better. With candles, dimmed lights, bath salts, face masks, etc.

• do you guys know that episode of Friends where Monica convinces Chandler to take a bath and he ends up loving it and shit? he's just like that. if you don't know what I'm talking about here's some clips.

clip 1

clip 2

• he tried on one of your thongs one time because you dared him to wear it the whole day.

• you also dared him to get his legs waxed and he ended up doing it and he was crying the whole time

• he loves those little stories where you add in words to them. I can't remember what they're called but it asked you for like an adjective, plural noun, verb ending in ing, etc. etc. (I hope yall know what I'm talking about, I think it starts like a m or something someone tell me please 😭)

taglist: @hearts4kaulitz @burntb4bydoll @spelaelamela @bored0writer @fishinaband @billsleftnutt @tokiiohot @bluepoptartwithsprinkles @saumspam @5hyslv7 @killed-kiss @memog1rl @80s-tingz @billybabeskaulitz @victryzvv9 @banshailey

[modelbus]

Tommyinnit Date HC's

Just some headcannons about dates between you and Tommy :D I've missed doing headcannons and writing for Tommy so here's some unprompted date Hc's!

CC!Tommy x Gn!Reader

Lego Dates!! He loves going to the Lego store with you, but refuses to let you touch his precious build. The two of you often end up just talking while each building your own set.

Of course, there is the occasional missing piece argument...

"Hey! That's my piece!" You exclaim, and Tommy drops the red square into his pile of Legos.

"You took it from me first!"

"What? I literally didn't!"

"You literally did! I can't find another one in this entire fucking pile, so you took mine!"

You lean forward, snatching up a second red square from his pile and holding it in front of his face.

"Please tell me what this is."

"...oh."

Let's be honest, Tommy and cute Pinterest dates don't mesh well. Pottery making? Clay dicks and a weird cup-bowl-plate-"what the fuck is that"-thing. Cooking? Somehow everything is undercooked or overcooked. Axe-throwing? Actually, you wouldn't let him near an axe out of fear for everyone's lives.

That doesn't mean you don't occasionally try around the holidays. It just means it manages to go horribly wrong in the funniest ways.

"So how do I ice skate again?" Tommy asks, holding his arms out.

With his legs bent and wobbly, the closest thing you can describe him ice-skating to is a newborn deer. A really pathetic newborn deer.

"I can't believe you told me you knew how to ice skate." You laugh, skating a bit away from him then circling back.

"Fuck you! Help me!"

"Push off with one foot angled, like I am. Glide, Toms."

"Glide. Got it. Gl- AHH!"

"TOMMY!"

Movie nights are the best, though. You two have movie nights a lot, so there's a set schedule of whose turn it is to pick. He picks a ton of Marvel movies, along with some funny ones.

And there are always snacks, more than just popcorn. Twin snake gummy worms, M&M's, whatever you like.

+ CUDDLING!!!

Tommy also makes quick comments or jokes that seem to always be perfect.

Fancy dinners aren’t really his thing, he’d much rather joke around in a McDonalds or something.

that being said, if you want a fancy dinner, he will 100% take you to a fancy dinner. Just with a little complaining.

Oh! And trips!

Tommy likes to take small trips places, and you’d definitely go with him. Wether it’s a trip to a different country or just a different city, it’s always fun with him.

…as long as something doesn’t go terribly wrong, that is.

“I’m never flying again.” You swear, glaring at Tommy.

“It’s not my fault they lost your bag!”

“I told you this was a shit airline, but no-“

“We can just stop and buy clothes. I need batteries anyways.” He shrugs, looking down at the camera in his hands.

“I am not wearing goddamn Hawaiian shirts.”

An hour later, you walk out of a store with a bag full of Hawaiian shirts and a laughing Tommy.

Most of your time is spent with him and friends though, or the both of you just sat in his flat.

You surprised him with a comedy show once, and now you both love comedy shows (especially crowd work ones!)

[rust-painted-fingers]

Day 4 ... Revival

"—swear to god if i have to bust another cemetery I'm giving up on humans, why do we even have so many nerves?"

A blink and the world came to focus.

Pacing back and forth wildly, the owner of the voice continued his tirade. It was… weird. Blond hair, pale skin, even his nose is small and narrow.

"Rex, you're my only companion left, so I'll let you do the honors of pecking my body away. I can't have my body getting reani— holy shit!"

The man startled as they locked eyes, and a blur of feathers fell. A crow, Rex? was sitting on the man's shoulders. Curiously, the feathers didn't have the usual gleam birds often do. There was even a bald spot peeking out behind the bird's back.

A cough. "Uh, hey mate, can you hear me?" The voice broke his eye contest with the bird. A nervous smile rested on the man.

"Do you think you can like, shake your head? Or even blink, I don't know if I got the lids right."

It was odd, and looking down didn't help matters. It seemed as though different grafts of skin were sewed together.

Eh, beggars can't be choosers.

Techno spoke, interrupting the man babbling about ocular nerves, "Hello, how long will this body last?"

The man blinked, before scrunching his face in laughter. "Wait what the fuck?"

"I mean, you obviously don't have much skill in creation— "

"Hey!"

"— so apologies if I don't trust your work to last me more than a week," Techno finished, idly inspecting his fingers.

The blond huffed, "Ok, so you're pretty familiar with life, which technicallly means I failed but providing a working body is a start. Now I just have to figure out…" Out of nowhere a journal appeared, and the man started scribbling and mumbling at it.

Well that's useful.

Techno quickly tested his mobility. A quick hop deduced this body would be limited to walking only. Five steps later and Techno yoinked the journal away from the scientist.

Ignoring his exclamation, Techno repeated, "How long will this body last?"

"I don't know, maybe a week or two. I tried gathering all the materials in the same time frame but I had to store some for longer," the scientist huffed, refusing to attempt to reach the journal over his head. "Why are you conscious anyways? I would of thought you'd gain the same sentience as a newborn, if at all."

"Hmm, that sounds like a reasonable hypothesis," Techno said, now flipping through the pages, "Unfortunately for you, I am not the result of creation, but possession."

Glancing over the journal, Techno saw blue eyes widen before the journal was snatched from him. That's fine, he already saw what he needed.

"The fuck? So you're telling me your spirit was just wandering and happened to find us at the perfect time?" Even with the journal back in the original's arms, he didn't look away from his pieced together body.

"Yep."

"What the fuck. Brexit, are you actually the fucking queen?" At this he directed the statement to the crow, who supposedly was reanimated in a similar manner.

"You named your pet bird Brexit?"

"I usually call him Rex," he said distractedly, inspecting the bird closely as if he could sense souls, which he couldn't. Not if he couldn't sense Techno.

Techno looked away, more interested in his surroundings. It was pretty inviting, all things considered. It looked like someone's revamped shed, a few garden tools and pots stored in a corner. Opposite that sat a shelf holding several solutions of varying colors, some vials full of eye balls or fingers. Normal shed stuff.

Two weeks of walking, not even in daylight with this amount of stitching, and after it would be back to wondering in nothing.

"Hey how easily can you get me a body."

The scientist looked up from Brexit, "You want another?"

"You said it wouldn't last."

"Yeah, and so would any future ones I make. Flesh is gonna decompose mate."

Techno snorted. "You're telling me you're ok with murder but some kidnapping is too much?"

"Excuse you, I got these bodies by unethically grave robbing," the other quipped. "Can't you just possess someone else? You can walk now."

"Two things: who in their right mind would talk to me looking like this?" Techno put up another finger, "Two, what's your name? I can't be a partner in crime with a nobody."

"I think it's rather beneficial to partner with a nobody, but you can call me Phil. You?"

He would have grinned if he wasn't worried about his teeth falling out, "Techno."

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 37 - Summer's Intuition

The Hot Girls Only club is back! They find a gym that's a good halfway point between Willow Creek and Tartosa.

It's been enough time where things don't feel weird… You know, besides Libby nearly knocking herself out.

Also, Becca finally lost the tan.

Let's move on to the real fun part about Hot Girls Only: gossiping. Becca showered first. Moms don't get a lot of free shower time.

Ophelia wants to hear all about Duncan, but he's a newborn. He doesn't do much. It's his first birthday party tomorrow though. Everyone's invited!

Ophelia: Can't wait, Bec!

Summer: Oh, Libby, maybe you can bring that girl you started seeing!

Ophelia: I've missed a lot, apparently!

Libby: Summer, I was waiting to tell other people.

Summer: And I did it now so you wouldn't worry about it. You're welcome!

Ophelia: You're seeing someone? Libby, that's great!

Libby: Oh, yeah. I am. Sorry, I was going to tell you. I just didn't want it to be awkward.

Ophelia: It's been a whole in-game week, Lib. That's like a year! We're good, I swear.

Libby: Thanks, Feefs. That means a lot.

Ophelia blathers on and on about her job and her new hobbies or whatever but Summer senses something else is up. Ophelia seems way too chipper talking about gardening. Summer may be a ditz but she knows a pleasantly satisfied Sim when she sees one.

Summer: OMW Ophelia got laid!

Ophelia: What?! Summer Holiday! You don't- I never- I cannot believe… Watcher damn it, how did you know that? I haven't told anyone!

Summer: You didn't have to tell me. I have an ESPN about this sort of thing. You're giving big "I got woohooed" vibes.

Becca: Come on, O, give us the deets. You seeing someone new too?

Ophelia: Ugh, fine. He's a friend. It kind of just happened. We, uh, we actually agreed to be woohoo partners.

Becca: Oooh, I've read 17 books just like this. See you at the wedding, girly pop.

Ophelia: Oh, stop! I've been focusing on a lot, I don't need a relationship right now. We just want to have fun.

Libby: We support you no matter what. Just be careful, woohoo partners can be tricky.

Ophelia: Thanks, Lib. I'll be okay.

Libby: Make sure risky woohoo is off!

Becca: I give it a week before they're in love.

Ophelia: Don't you have a child to raise or something?

Becca: Newborns really don't do much. I'm plotting out potential routes for your woohoo partners storyline in my head right now.

Being friends with an author kind of sucks.

All things considered, Ophelia's doing well, but there's always room for improvement. She really should call that therapy office Xander recommended…

Ophelia goes for a jog that night. She's really loved being active lately. It's nice to find out something new about yourself.

[darkshrimpemotions]

I want to scream at this show so often. I swear the writers find any excuse to twist it around so Castle is in the wrong even when he's not, and it's always under the guise of some kind of weird girl power logic. Like Martha basically only exists after season 2 to tell Rick he's always wrong when it comes to Beckett because he doesn't understand women, or something.

The fact is, that has nothing to do with it. Kate lied to Rick's face. She knew the interview was a big deal, and knew it could have ramifications for their relationship, and instead of telling him and even giving him the chance to be happy for her and supportive, instead of doing this together as a couple, she just assumed he wouldn't support her (with zero evidence to suggest that outcome, I might add) and not only kept it from him, but actively lied to him about it until she got caught out.

This isn't about Rick having selfish or unrealistic expectations of their relationship or demanding Kate put him first in everything. This is about Kate projecting her own fear of commitment onto Rick from the beginning and acting like that's his fault when he has gone out of his way for years to make her feel safe and secure in their relationship. This is about her not considering him at all, and then turning it around like he's being selfish when he has a problem with that.

I love this show and these characters. I do. But I hate the writers' weird "Rick is always wrong and must be led to the truth like a newborn calf by the women in his life" schtick. If that were true he wouldn't be worthy of those women at all!

[mono-dot-jpeg]

aaitl: [the start of a new adeptus] - zhongli

summary; it was a very big surprise to xiao and ganyu that they would be meeting the next adeptus in line. especially when the next adeptus is a child.

genre; fluff, this is just family, i need emotional support from liyue god family, dad! zhongli, child! reader, ALL PLATONIC, zhongli is a doting dad and i will die on that hill, dragon hybrid! reader, xiao is just a grumpy older brother, angst (if you squint,,, like really hard), i swear to god if someone comments peepaw zhongli i will cry /j

word count; 1.01k

masterlist | next >

[gender neutral, i hope]

a/n; i did a fuck up with the hcs post. whoops. i should've had the age of you be unknown only bc im making this story basically start from like newborn- and not 3 yrs old. anyways- also the stuff I've made before is probably not canon to the series.

this isn't really a series ig? it's more like a bunch of scenarios. close enough

this chapter is just zhongli talking to himself and hoping that you give him a coherent answer in any way

the way i could've posted this sooner-

reader's age; literally a baby, probably 5 months? maybe more?

december 31st, a new addition to the immortals that lived among humans was born. you.

though you were a mere baby, you knew you would be so much more. i mean after all, not all your memories as a spirit left you.

you knew that and zhongli knew that. although he didn't know that would happen at first. you had to try and blab it out to him with your lack of teeth and ability to talk as you were only 3 months old.

other than those moments of you causing suspicion with your weird knowledge that was far too much for a 3 month baby to know, zhongli had quite the time taking care of you so far.

he went as far as to purchase books about taking care of children. he had never experienced this with ganyu or xiao, so this was very new experience for him. he couldn't be more interested in it. he wonder how mothers were able to handle having children despite experiencing being a woman before he took his current form. he merely walked in the life of a woman and never fully experienced it.

"ah ah, y/n, no chewing. you can't eat that, sweetie." zhongli chided as he pulled the blunt arrowhead away from you. "i know they're not sharp but it doesn't mean it still can't hurt you." you whined, trying to reach for it only to flop right on his lap. he chuckled at your antics, helping you sit back up.

"up you go." you waved your arms mindlessly as he picked you up with ease and placing you right next to him. "hm. y/n, have you met aether yet?" you blinked at him, you definitely never heard of them before. "i'll take that as a no."

he started to explain the outlandish traveler that had recently left mondstadt and traveled to liyue. he had met him through some person you haven't met yet named childe. what a weird name... you had thought as you listened to his story while reaching out for the blunt arrowhead but failing to do so, earning a very amused zhongli. "were you listening to me, sweetie?" you nodded with your whole body, again flopping your body on his lap. "i don't think you were." he chuckled, moving you to sit on his lap.

there was a peaceful silence between you both as you look around the village. you were grateful to see the village you loved and protected for so long and yet you felt sad that everyone had left. zhongli seemed to know how you were feeling, "it's okay to miss the village you loved but change was inevitable. would you like to leave back to liyue harbor now? i think you need to take a nap." you whined in reply, squirming as he stands up holding you in his arms. your hands weakly grabbed at his clothes, while he held you close. "my little dragon, i promise to take care of you. i'll do my best for you."

zhongli had taken the waypoint right to liyue harbor, hoping you wouldn't be too dizzy from the sudden teleporting. luckily for him, you had fallen asleep in his warmth. your small tail curling around one of the arms that held you and your hands gripping against nothing as you nap.

"good afternoon, mr. zhongli!" hu tao greeted him cheerily before noticing your small body napping, "who's the new face? did you get a wife, mr. zhongli?" she teased.

"ah, it's a much more different situation than that, hutao." zhongli answered as he watches her coo small compliments at you despite the fact that you were fast asleep. "what's their name?"

"their name is y/n."

"they're so cute! you should bring them around more often! i could babysit them!" oh if only she knew... zhongli thought.

"maybe someday i'll take them around. i must head off now. i will see you tomorrow, hutao." hutao smiled in reply, waving him a goodbye as he continued his walk to his home.

he finally arrived home, you still sleeping as heavy as a rock, entering the home to find your room. he keeps himself quiet with his steps as to make sure you don't wake up. you fumbled with your arms, mumbling random sounds. he figured you were sleep talking. he moved to your crib to put you down to rest for a while. but of course, there was no way you would take a nap so peacefully.

you started to squirm in his arms as he tried to lay you down. small whines leaving your mouth, leaving zhongli to still hold you close in an attempt to calm you down. "what's wrong? it's okay, i'm here, i'm here." he rested you against his chest, patting your back to calm you down. "would you like a story?" he suggested, sitting down on a nearby chair. you still squirmed in his arms before blabbing random sounds. he frowned slightly, not very pleased in seeing you frustrated and grumpy.

he pondered for a moment before realizing what he had needed to do. he got up, walking over to his bedroom instead, "would you rather stay with me?" he wondered aloud. he put you down on the bed and to his relief, you had started to relax, your bright eyes staring at him with joy. he thought for a moment how simple the request but maybe it was because babies would rather be closer to their parents. he wasn't quite sure why you would want to do something so simple if this was a request from your "past self".

"i'll take that as a yes." he chuckled, he had left quickly to change into some more comfortable clothing before laying right next to you. "i hope you're not too awake though after all your crying, little dragon. you've been rather energetic since you've entered this world in your current form. you need rest though. the world will be here still for you to explore." zhongli kept you close to his chest, you snuggling right into his warmth.

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Fairytale Chapter 2 - Poly! Kanej x fem! reader Series

A/n: So did I finally write chapter two? Ya... Also this is kinda a filler chapter I was going to make this longer (of course) but I decided it would probably be better to end it off here.

Warnings: Talks about sex/sexual assault, demons, seduces a guy... I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: You finally arrive in Ketterdam...

(I do not own shadow and bone/six of crows, it's characters, or this gif!)

Inej wouldn't look at me.

The entire time they were on this damned ship the human wouldn't even glance at her. Really, she must have known some of the legends then if she knew what a succubus was.

We had finally passed through the border of the red waters that had trapped me and my eyes were swollen with power and I could feel the fear of the Kitten. She should be afraid.

For some reason every time I would walk by the human and she wouldn't even look my way I would get this dropping feeling in my stomach like I was getting stabbed multiple times. It was terrible and I have no idea why I was feeling it, I was a demon for Christ's sake!

Honestly, me being a demon isn't what bothers me it's me being a succubus, for some reason I hate anything sexual. Any sexual interaction did not go well for me, it wasn't like I just didn't feel anything during sexual intercourse. No, it was that I always felt disgusting and that something was slowly and painfully killing me while it happened.

And the weird thing was, all my past memories when I was young as a succubus I never felt that way (this was when my species was slowly dying out of course).

Even though the memories were a little fuzzy and unclear because I was so young and that was so long ago I knew that there was a reason I should be feeling this way. I wasn't stupid some 'trauma' as the humans call it, had to have caused it, but there was no point in my past that I could pinpoint.

Oh well, I probably just missed it considering succubi are immortal.

I see land in the distance and I nearly screech in happiness. There are so many people wandering the docks, rushing back and forth not having a clue that a demon was going to quietly join their ranks and slowly but surely destroy them all.

Okay maybe that's a little dramatic but that's what the plans would be, in the very far future of course. But I have to finish this deal first, haven't I?

The ship stops at the docks and Inej gets everything ready and put together before we both come off her ship.

"We're here."

"Yes, I can see that Kitten, now are we going to do this or not?"

Quickly I leap off the ship onto the dock and Inej is right on my tail.

"Wait-"

"Captain Ghafa." A voice snarls and a man steps out of the crowd of wandering people trying to get to their place in time.

"Why are all my ships sunken in the ocean?" The man's green eyes look unnatural and I could swear I saw a flash of red pass through them before they were back to his normal, nearly too normal green.

"Marcus I warned your ships would never make it back to this harbor. It seems I have done a good job of it if you're confronting me directly." Inej states coming closer to the man having more confidence than she actually has as she stares down Marcus.

"Oh, you little Lynx! When I get to you-"

I step up and his head immediately snaps towards my figure and I internally wince noticing my lack of control over my powers. Even with my lack of... anything, really this was so simple that a newborn could do it.

I place a hand on his shoulder and I smile a dazzling grin that seems to get him going and I notice the little spot of drool coming out the side of his mouth. Wow, men really were pathetic.

"There's no need for that now is there?" My words drip from my tongue like honey.

"You can let us pass without doing us harm! I hate it when people fight." I let a pout slide onto my face and I grin slightly when he starts to nod.

"I'll let you two through without a fight I guess..." He trails off and I can see the effect wearing off.

"Really Sir?"

And just with two words, he's nodding vigorously gesturing for Inej and me to go ahead.

"Yes, Yes! Go right ahead!"

I take Inej's hand pulling her along with me trying to get away from the man (or Marcus as that is his name) as quickly as possible.

"Thank you, Sir!" I give him a wink before we disappear into the crowd.

As we disappear into the crowd my hand still grips onto Inej's as she begins to lead the way. We stop just before what looks like a mansion and before I can say a word I feel a release of pressure on my hand. Looking to my side I find that Inej is gone, a sick feeling bubbles up from my gut only to be soothed when I hear a whisper in my ear.

"Thank you." Her breath fans out on my neck and her lips are so close to the cuff of my ear that they gently brush on it when she pulls away.

Instead of the feeling in my gut being soothed it heightens and my heartbeat speeds up. What the hell is this?

Then all at once she's leading me inside.

The house, scratch that mansion is huge, there's some many details that they all just become one big blur until she pause's right outside of some room in the attic.

"Don't touch him."

Before I can even respond she opens the door to a masculine figure on the bed. He's sitting up and looking like he's planing something, but he looks sickly. Not in the way that; 'Oh no you're sick!' But like something is eating him from the inside out. This must be the boy with the curse on his heart.

Turning to face me he looks in my eyes and my breath is taken because shit-

This was the boy from my visions.

My lips curl and a viscous smile grows upon my face.

"Kaz Rietveld."

Words 1014

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626 @ilovemarvelanne1 @emmsamultifan06

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