#he's a bratty little shit but he's also got separation anxiety because spending years in an arcade alone will do that to ya

[kuyatecallate]

...taking this as an excuse to throw up in the tags because I'm a coward.

I went down a Youtube rabbit hole today of watching horror games framed as computer viruses, to videos on the history of actual computer viruses and trojan horses, to then just thinking about video game creepypastas, so I've just been kinda in that clashing thoughts stage of "there is an incomprehensible DCA AU just outside of my grasp rn." Yeah, it sure is a vibe. Don't know what it is though

[ffamranxii]

HAIKYUU!! COUPLES HEADCANONS

DAISUGA

-Daichi goes to the gym to work out. Suga goes to the gym to ogle Daichi

-Suga has a massive sweet tooth

-Daichi cooks, Suga cleans

-Suga is a little shit who is not above seducing Daichi in public. He can say the most lewd things without batting an eye while Daichi blushes furiously

-Daichi and Kuroo once hooked up at training camp. They do not talk about it

-Daichi is good friends with Michimiya and Kiyoko. Suga is closer to Asahi

-Daisuga rarely fight and are often asked for relationship advice. Daichi tries to discourage this because “guys I didn’t realize Yui had a crush on me or that Suga was in love with me for three years.”

-Daichi can’t dance, won’t dance, and refuses to acknowledge the time he got trashed and twerked

-Suga dislikes his given name unless it’s said by Daichi, who is the only person allowed to call him Koushi

-Suga is extremely flexible. Daichi is not.

-Daichi or Suga getting hit on makes Daichi uncomfortable. Getting hit on amuses Suga, and Daichi getting hit on makes him horny

-It took all of high school for Daisuga to get together, because Daichi is oblivious and Suga assumed Daichi wasn’t into him. Daichi’s dumbness and their mutual pining becomes a fond, shared joke several years later

-Daichi has no gag reflex. 

-Daisuga have a very fat, very orange cat named Ninja. He’s surprisingly fast and agile despite looking like a furry basketball. (Daichi is a dog person and did not even want Ninja at first. He suspects Kuroo had something to do with this. Suga sometimes playfully gets upset because “Ninja likes you better than me, Dai!”)

-Everyone expects Suga to be the dominant one but Suga is more than willing to be submissive for Daichi and has on several occasions

ASANOYA

-Noya gets up before sunrise to run. Asahi would rather die than leave his bed before 8am

-Noya turns the coffee pot on and cooks breakfast to lure Asahi out of bed

-Noya is surprisingly patient, gentle, quiet, and kind when it comes to Asahi and his insecurities

-Noya is the type to bottle his insecurities and fears until they explode. The only one who can calm him back down is Asahi

-Asahi makes bratty faces when he thinks Noya isn’t looking

-Noya and Tanaka spend a lot of time with Daisuga because of the Daichi&Suga&Asahi&Kiyoko friendship. Asahi and Ennoshita become good friends

-Asahi doesn’t understand the distance between Noya and his sisters because Asahi is very close to his

-It is impossible to embarrass Noya

-Asahi gets a lot of inspiration for his fashion designs from traveling with Noya

-Noya knows how to braid hair and likes to play with Asahi’s

-Asahi enjoys physical affection but dislikes overt PDA. Noya would happily climb Asahi like a tree in public if Asahi would let him

-Only Asahi calls Noya by his given name

-Noya knows he likes Asahi early on but Asahi’s panic (“omg someone LIKES me?? NOYA likes me?? My crush??”) at his confession prevent them getting together until after the Date Tech match (after Asahi rejoins the team).

-Noya is affected by wanderlust and that’s why he travels. Sometimes Asahi joins him. They get married in Canada during one of these trips. (I once read a fantastic asanoya fic where a significant event happened in Canada so Canada is my asanoya place now)

-Noya sends Asahi a postcard from every place he’s ever visited. Sometimes he’ll spend over half an hour trying to find the *best* one, only to buy them all and send them as a sort of big long letter. Asahi saves them all in a photo album that lives on the coffee table. (Some people have a coffee table book, Asahi has a photo album.)

-Noya prefers to top. The one thing he’s really uncomfortable with is being on the bottom (physically laying beneath someone and also sex).

KUROKEN

-Kuroken have a black cat and a calico and enjoy naps on the couch with the kitties. Kuroo has SO MANY pictures in his phone of Kenma curled around the kitties.

-Kuroo: “Love you.” Kenma: “Hate you.”

-Kenma CAN cook, but likes that Kuroo likes taking care of him

-Every game Kuroo has ever owned is multiplayer because he only games with Kenma

-Kenma’s favorite games involve critical thinking and puzzles. Kuroo enjoys watching him play

-Kuroo is an introvert masquerading as an extrovert. Kenma is an introvert. They enjoy quiet nights in.

-Kuroo has anxiety. Kenma always knows when Kuroo is anxious and how to fix it

-People make Kenma anxious. Kuroo makes himself anxious.

-Kenma’s nicknames for Kuroo are Kuro and Koroemon. Kuroo calls Kenma Kyanma and kitten

-Kuroo has been in love with Kenma for as long as he can remember, since they were kids. Kenma knows this, but doesn’t understand he feels the same way until Kuroo goes off to college

-Kuroo is the one who discovered Daichi’s lack of gag reflex. He’s delighted to learn that Kenma lacks one as well

-Kenma moves more slowly than Kuroo. He’s not as comfortable with physical affection and sex as Kuroo is. Their relationship progresses slowly, and Kuroo lets Kenma lead. 

-After Kenma’s confession, how he feels about Kuroo is one of the very few things Kuroo does not doubt or make himself anxious over.

-Kuroo can, will, and has go(ne) on and on and ON about Kenma until someone shuts him up. It drives Yaku up the fucking wall in high school.

-Kenma does a retro game stream once or twice a month made up of games he and Kuroo used to play as kids. Kuroo actually games with him on those days and Kenma’s followers are quick to notice and speculate because Kenma has literally never gamed with another person in the same room before. Sometimes Kenma can only post the actual gameplay because Kuroo ruined the footage of them by being excessively sappy. (Kuroo is NOT above flirting and dirty talk to get an edge and Kenma doesn’t really think his fans need to know that.)

-Kuroken do not talk about Kuroo’s mom or sister

-The Kozumes love “Tetsu-chan” and Kuroo’s grandparents adore Kenma. Kuroken get along with each other’s families better than they do their own.

-Kuroo is tactile. He’s that ass-slapping friend. Kenma thinks he’s ridiculous

-Kuroo used to be dislike Hinata, because Kenma and Hinata are extremely good friends and Kuroo was afraid Hinata would take Kenma away from him. Kenma has assured him he doesn’t like Hinata like that but Kuroo doesn’t warm up until Hinata starts dating Kageyama

BOKUAKA

-Akaashi is 100% in charge of the house and the financials and his word is law. Not because he’s an asshole but because Bokuto is whipped

-Akaashi is a screamer. Bokuto has a big dick.

-Bokuto is the calmest between him and his sisters. His sisters have formed an Akaashi fanclub

-Bokuaka kiss a lot during sex

-Bokuto fucking loves owls

-Akaashi used to be embarrassed over being a manga editor but Bokuto thinks it’s the coolest job ever, “even better than mine!” When his authors need references, Akaashi sends them pictures of Bokuto. Bokuto takes this responsibility very seriously

-Bokuaka exclusively refer to each other by first name but Akaashi can’t break the habit of using -san

-Akaashi and Kenma are very good friends. Bokuto thinks they might even be better bros than him and Kuroo. (Kenma is one of the few people Akaashi calls by first name, and one of the only people who calls Akaashi by his.)

-Akaashi overthinks as a result of anxiety, but he doesn’t think he has anxiety. He prefers to call it “seeing the issue from all sides”

-Akaashi and Bokuto do yoga together. Bokuto behaves himself surprisingly well around Akaashi in yoga pants

-Akaashi decided to attend Fukurodani after watching Bokuto play and literally for no other reason

-Bokuaka are the embodiment of love at first sight and their relationship has an unreal, almost storybook quality to it because they are literally perfect for each other. Because of this, Bokuto doesn’t understand why other people struggle so much to start and maintain a relationship, no matter how many times Kuroo tells him “just because your relationship is straight out of a movie doesn’t mean the rest of the world works like that”

-Bokuaka have a koi pond in their backyard and have named all the fish. Bokuto always asks about them when he’s away for games

IWAOI

-Iwaizumi cooks and cleans because he’s always been the one taking care of Oikawa, but he refuses to fold the laundry because “I’m not doing everything for you, you fucking freeloader”

-Iwaizumi cooks healthy “old man food.” Oikawa’s sweet tooth suffers

-Oikawa is that guy who puts more cream and sugar and other additives in his coffee than actual coffee. He’s tried all of Starbucks’ seasonal drinks and never gets the same thing twice

-Iwaoi have very heated arguments about if Godzilla can kick King Kong’s ass or not. Iwaizumi of course sides with Godzilla

-Iwaoi once fought about the original purpose of Stonehenge and now no one can mention England without it coming back up

-Oikawa only became comfortable with his glasses because Iwaizumi likes them

-Iwaoi have been friends since they were in diapers. The whole volleyball team took bets on when they’d announce their relationship

-Both the Oikawas and the Iwaizumis respond when either boy calls for mom or dad. Oikawa calls his sister Nee-chan while Iwaizumi says Oneesan

-Iwaizumi’s favorite of Oikawa’s features is his legs. Oikawa is in love with Iwa’s arms

-Neither of them can remember when they started liking each other or how their relationship started

-Iwaoi are shockingly codependent and do NOT do separation (during university in Argentina/California or for away games) well

-Deep down Oikawa is extremely insecure and worries he isn’t enough - in volleyball, in school, in his family, in his relationship. Iwaizumi always knows when he’s putting on a front and how to cheer him back up

-Iwaizumi is secretly so soft and weak for Oikawa

-After the Olympics Iwaizumi moves to Argentina to be with Oikawa and they get married. They move back to Japan after Oikawa retires from volleyball and after gay marriage becomes legal there

-Oikawa keeps various plants around the house and the patio and is extremely proud of them. He paints all their pots and even names some of them (which Iwaizumi thinks is disgustingly cute). His most prized plant is a lucky bamboo he bought on a whim when iwaoi first moved in together.

-Oikawa can’t deepthroat. It makes him so jealous that Iwaizumi can

-Iwaizumi blushes whenever Oikawa gives him a genuine compliment

-Iwaizumi has a praise kink. Oikawa has a “whatever comes out of Iwa’s mouth” kink

-Iwaizumi has dom tendencies.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Growing up I always heard about teenage boys puberty as literally just inappropriate erections and sex drive and aggression, so as a dude and an evanstan fan- which makes you an expert xD. What do you think Chriss and Sebs sex drives are like (as adults ofc). Together or/and separate or just whatever you feel. Love ya!

still going through my old asks- my requests are currently closed

Inappropriately times erections are probably exactly as much of puberty as it sounds like you were taught (if that's the correct word??) lol. And that a thing to be an expert on haha

But, yes, libido. The magic shit that decides if you're a horny fucker or not lmao.

Also-

This is kind of unrelated, but, I have come to realize that truly having a matched sex drive is pretty important in sexual relationships unless you're really good at negotiating lol. It's not about high or low or better or worse, it's just that you've gotta find your match.

1. Chris:

Short answer: I think Chris has a high sex drive unless he's in his own head. In his own head like with anxiety or sometimes even with work he needs to get done. However... because of that steadily high sex drive, he's probably pretty easy to sway, especially if intimate things are already happening (like cuddling) (because the boy gets too handsy for his own good and ends up making Sebastian's insides turn to mush.))

Longer answer: you know how some people are the kind of people where when they're busy they forget to eat or sleep or whatnot? Well, Chris isn’t exactly like that; he remembers to do those things but if he's busy he gets anxiety surrounding deadlines or to do lists and piling up work and so it makes his libido a little finicky. And so if he's working really hard he probably pushes his needs to the side so he can finish whatever it is, putting himself and his desires in the backseat for a second. And that is if the want to do sexy things is even there at all because again, anxiety is a bitch with killing things like that and its kinda hard to get into the moment when your thoughts are going a million miles an hour.

That being said though Chris, especially in his early adult years, radiates so much frat bro™️ energy that I cannot imagine anything but when he's just normally working- comfortably working and not stressing out, that he'd need to jerk off or get off at least every other day, possibly every day too. He's not great at delaying the inevitable, if he's horny, he's horny- why wait it out when he can take care of it now?

He just comes across to me as a, I'll just rub one out in the shower before my day gets going, when he's single, type of man. A maintainness orgasm kinda guy haha.

2. Sebastian:

I think Seb has a pretty consistent sex drive that's at, like, middle of the road all of the time. Likes he's happy to get off once a day/once every other day but he doesn't have to. He'd rather save up all that energy and spend a good amount of time working himself up for one orgasm than a few that are just, like, okay.

However.

When he gets horny...

Oh, boy, when he's horny he's horny and his sex drive can give Chris' a run for it's money (especially if he's feeling a little bratty *cough* sex kitten-ish *cough* or extra playful and wants to push Chris some).

That tendency to jump from 50 to 100 in the snap of his fingers (or, sometimes, the snap of Chris' fingers) means that when he's horny he rarely can wait. When he's cruising at his normal pace he's pretty good at staving it off until later when he's got more of a reason to get off or a natural spike in his sex drive, he likes to get off and have his orgasms feel monumentous y’know? He wants an actual release and a cliff to jump off of rather than a routine to follow through with.

Seb's more of a three/four to possibly five times a week than Chris five to six times a week.

3. Together:

You put these two together-?

Oh, boy, they're then like teenage boys for sure.

Chris' casual routine for an orgasm daily unless his work and/or emotional environment demands otherwise mixes practically fatally with Sebastian's want for his orgasms to be meaningful and big feeling... and they cannot keep their hands off of each other. They not only have sex to sate a natural urge but also to be close and feel close.

And before you know it, after they first have sex and go all in with learning what pushes the others buttons, they're the only ones who can make each other feel the way that they do y’know? Sebastian never is as loud as he is with Chris, he never cums as hard. He never floats so easily in subspace with anyone like he does with Chris... and Chris... nobody brings out Chris' dom side like Sebastian does, the kid just screams good to him. So good that he has to do something with it. Chris never cums as hard as he does with Sebastian with anyone else either, however, he also doesn't feel the sated urge from just getting Seb off with anyone else. Sometimes getting Seb to subspace and to an orgasm is better than getting off for Chris. Together they're unparalleled.

When they're together they have some sort of sex or close-to-sex intimacy every single day for sure, if not multiple times a day.

Evidence lol:

Thank you for the ask!!

[nevertherose]

Speaking of religious commentary...

Having watched pretty much every reaction video I could find to DWIT, and having read many theories…I’ve noticed that nobody has really touched much on the whole “religious commentary” part of the episode. But the more I watch it, the more I start to feel it’s almost THE most important aspect of the whole dilemma.

The first time I watched, honestly, the notion of character Thomas as a “religious man” made me immediately uncomfortable. My own experience with religion has been a multi-decade roller coaster of spending high school as a gung-ho Christian, going to college, having a religious crisis, dabbling in everything from Wicca to Buddhism, and then marrying a guy who works in a church. My personal beliefs have settled into a comfortable agnosticism with a bit of practical witchcraft thrown in. It’s given me what I feel is a fair, impartial view of religion in general…but anytime someone starts referring to themselves as religious, or talking about God or their beliefs, my hackles immediately go up. Because I immediately get scared that their faith means they hold beliefs that are radically different from mine, beliefs that at best I no longer relate to, or at worst have actively rejected as harmful.

Hearing Logan (embodiment of Logic) say, “You’re a religious man, are you not?” was like having a wall thrown up between me and these characters that I’ve come to love, and I did not like it. But once I got past that knee-jerk reaction (it took a few viewings, I’ll admit), I was blown away by how much more SENSE Thomas’ never-ending string of dilemmas made. Two separate Creativities, Virgil’s fear, Patton’s strictness and him not knowing what repression is, the Duke (a stinky bratty trash gremlin with the humor of a twelve year old) being scary, Deceit…I feel like literally all of it can be explained by the simple phrase: “Thomas’ Catholic upbringing”. 

I wasn’t brought up Catholic, but I was raised nominally Christian, and in high school I was heavily involved in a church youth group. I’ve been to a number of retreats and helped run a few of them. My husband finished seminary after we got married, and I read some of his textbooks. So when Logan says “thought is a precursor to action”, I know PRECISELY what he means. And even though he went on to talk about how five of the seven deadly sins are committed in your head, from what I’ve seen of the reaction videos and whatnot, I don’t think he made that point clearly enough.

Thought, in traditional Christian doctrine, is not JUST a precursor to action…it is EQUAL to action, and in some cases, MORE IMPORTANT.

What you do is not nearly as important as what you think/believe, because everybody sins (therefore your actions cannot save you). You can be the kindest, most generous, most compassionate person in the world, but according to traditional Christianity, if you don’t believe in Jesus, you are still hell-bound. On the other hand, a murderer can go to heaven if they merely really and truly “repent” and believe the right things with all their heart.

In other words, you can be divinely condemned for the things you think, regardless of whether or not you ever do them or even want to do them. (Although there’s actually some debate in doctrine over the importance of action vs thought is when it comes to salvation, but that’s another can of theological worms).

Growing up, I was quite familiar with verses like this:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”

It’s very easy to see how a person would come away from a verse like that believing that thinking about something is exactly the same in God’s eyes as doing the thing. It’s no wonder, then, that character Thomas was so upset over his intrusive thoughts, so determined not to even think about or discuss them, and so upset when he learned that nothing he did would make them go away. It means he’s a sinner, a liar, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Remus, in that context, is pretty flipping scary: if Thomas wasn’t already a bad person, Remus wouldn’t exist...right??

In character Thomas’ mind, admitting to a bad thought is morally the same as admitting to a bad deed. He accepts this premise unconsciously, even as he tries to explain to his sides (and himself) that he’s not thinking these things on purpose, that he doesn’t like the thoughts, that he doesn’t want to do any of it. His Morality desperately wants him to somehow not be guilty, and his Anxiety is convinced he’s already guilty anyway. (Deceit really did nail their roles in his courtroom scenario).

“I can’t condone any more of that kind of thinking,” Patton says, because for him, the only morally acceptable solution to icky thoughts is to not think them. Anything else requires acknowledging said thoughts, and at that point, it’s too late…you have condemned yourself as thoroughly as if you had acted on them. Those thoughts can’t be Thomas, because Thomas does not want to be a bad person. (Remember “I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you’re not”?). I think Patton’s whole “THAT’S what repression is??” realization in his episode is so important, because he’s finally able to put a name to what he does in his pursuit of Making Sure Thomas Is Good, and is forced to confront the reality that this thing he does is, in fact, BAD for Thomas.

“You thought those thoughts, Thomas,” Virgil says, and it lands like a guilty verdict from a jury because that’s exactly what it is. Virgil is terrified of Remus because his presence must mean there’s something wrong with Thomas, because bad thoughts = bad actions = bad person, and this isn’t something Virgil’s vigilance can shield him from.

I’ve noticed that Virgil has what I’d called two different “Anxiety Modes”: Virgil Acting As Anxiety, and Virgil Being Anxiety. Virgil Acting As Anxiety is pretty much all we saw before we learned his name, when Virgil was still a villain. It’s the snarky, edgy, occasionally outright insulting, “I’m cynical and sarcastic and I don’t care” attitude. It’s the one we see now in those almost affectionate bursts of “okay, guess I’m gonna have to kick in here”, “ugh, I can’t believe I’m the one corralling you guys” “I’m listeniiiiiing”, finger guns, etc. This is Virgil behaving how he believes Anxiety is supposed to function. He’s just doing his job.

(I actually think it was this mode that got Thomas and the others out of Anxiety’s room. Virgil knows how anxiety works and uses this knowledge to help Thomas).

Virgil Being Anxiety is very different. This is Virgil when he’s actually scared or anxious or freaked out because of something that’s happening with Thomas. I feel like this is true Anxiety; this is character Thomas’ anxiety when he allows it to “get to him”…when instead of being able to realize what’s happening and respond with, “Virgil, stop it”, he and Virgil get into a feedback loop of “oh shit oh shit oh shit…” until one of the others (usually Logan) can break them out. We saw this in Moving On, when Virgil was silently freaking out in Patton’s room and then the whole scenario with the phone call. That’s when the Tempest Tongue comes out involuntarily. I feel like this is when Virgil himself is faced with his own vulnerabilities (like when Roman gets real quiet and serious after reigning in his ego or creativity, or Logan having to acknowledge a point someone else made, or Patton in DWIT realizing that he’s being too strict). I also think Virgil really, really hates to be faced with his own shortcomings as Anxiety, because he is reminded that Thomas used to hate him and repress him for (perhaps) good reason.

When Virgil is Acting As Anxiety, he is in control, he can choose to work with Thomas and be a helpful rather than a harmful presence. I think the whole Accepting Anxiety arc was about Virgil choosing to harness this particular side of his role, and I think we saw the culmination of that in Embarrassing Phases. “I still have the ability to be harmful, but I have chosen not to be.”

What I believe we’re starting to see now is Virgil feeling open and trusted enough in the group to come to terms with the fact that sometimes he IS anxiety, that he is vulnerable as anxiety, and that sometimes he can hurt Thomas despite all his good intentions simply because of what he is.

(I also think that’s why the others are so very, very careful to not call Virgil paranoid. Almost any other insult, he could brush off as “yeah, whatever, my job and all”, but “paranoid” (and to a lesser extend “defeatist”) hits a little too close to his heart and they know it. Those are things he sometimes is and can’t help, can’t stop, can’t protect against.)

What Virgil needs to internalize is that ANY side, “light” or “dark”, has the ability to hurt character Thomas just by doing what comes naturally to them. That’s why I think it was so important for Virgil to witness Logan gently taking Patton down a peg. Patton is almost literally the embodiment of all that is good and innocent within Thomas…for Virgil to see that even Patton can inadvertently go too far…for  Logan, the arguably most trustworthy character, to point out, “You are wrong, and that’s okay, and WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT”…that’s was the push that made him tell Thomas he was a dark side.

Character Thomas, of course, has a long way to go in breaking free of his black and white thinking, and Virgil’s confession will probably play a huge role in that. But to a lesser extent, I think character Thomas (and all the Sides) have been on a journey in learning to stop blaming themselves for things that aren’t their fault. And I think that tendency stems directly from being brought up in a belief system that claims God will absolutely condemn you for things that aren’t your fault (original sin, being gay, thinking bad things, etc). I honestly don’t think that’s what Christianity means to do, but it IS a common side effect and it DOES fuck with your head. For your own peace of mind, you have to break through that kind of thinking.

Thomas has anxiety and that’s okay. Thomas is allowed to feel sad, and discouraged, and unmotivated at times, and that’s okay. Thomas sometimes thinks icky thoughts and that’s okay. Patton can’t always be happy and that’s okay. Roman gets insecure and that’s okay. Logan gets impatient with feelings related things and that’s okay. Virgil can’t always control his anxiety and that’s okay. Virgil used to be a dark side and that’s okay.

As Logan said, “Everything is okay”.

[fogmongers]

                                          L  A  N  E    K  A  T  Z .                          history major.                                           dorming  with  Robin.                              skater (amateur).    photographer (amateur).    musician (amateur).

a restless hipster born to an aggressively patriotic cop and his stepford wife in nowheresland, montana, the only thing that ever stood between lane and his parents throwing down to hell was his older brother and unaccredited role model jack: the perfect boy, and the only mediator empathetic and patient enough to not only suffer the arguments of ethics between his parents and their unfavorite child, but also to defuse them.

jack had the philosophical savvy to understand and relate to lane, but at the end of the day, didn’t have the passion or endurance to live the peace-loving ideology they discussed. loyal to a fault and desperate to make his insecurely lower-class parents proud in wake of lane growing up to be a smelly hippie who brought shame to the family in their rural town, jack enlisted in the army at 18, very much against Lane’s pleas advice, leaving his little brother feeling tremendously betrayed.

already showing early signs of manic depression in his teens, the feelings of angst and anxiety caused by and for jack led to lane losing his self-preservation instinct. his high school years would see him acting on his impulses of hyper-sexuality and letting his mood swings and irritability turn him into a toxic friend. he had days where he was endearingly quiet and earnest, but switched to moods of reckless thrill-seeking decadence, or venomous, moody irritability with no warning or signal of how he would feel at any particular moment. became a serial dater who got away with breaking hearts because he had the veneer of a sweet artist--- wrote a few songs and poems for girls, always taking candid photographs of happy times and posting them with lovely captions, knows how to give a good, personal compliment when he wants to--- but he wound up being kind of isolated by the end of his senior year after girls started talking to each other about his behavioral patterns and nowadays he doesn’t have many friends to visit back in montana.

his home life was an even larger abyss, especially around the times his brother would come home. with each subsequent visit, jack became more visibly hollow. everyone could tell that he lost the shine in his smile, and it was clear that his mind was somewhere else during conversations, even before you told him that your girlfriend left you for your best friend and he smiled and said “I’m so happy for you.” 

when efforts to talk to jack again became increasingly futile and frustrating, no one in the family was able to cope constructively. while his parents promptly Bottled That Shit Right Up and, to this day, actively deny any of jack’s visible trauma, lane has reacted with a lot of emotions and crying and lashing out and, to this day, is not finished “grieving.” and it leads to a lot of tension between him and his parents. their relationship for most of hi high school life consisted only of radio silence and arguments– especially between lane and his dad, who wanted him to Man Up, stop “reaching for shit to get upset about” and “making up problems” and thought it was time for him to get his act together and stop partying so much, get more controlled like his brother, talk back less like his brother, put down the camera and guitar and join a sports team--- start thinking about his future.

it all built up to the peak of one typical argument about how shallow they are vs. how bratty he is, and his father declared that the family has been expecting lane to enlist at the end of high school to learn respect and discipline if he wants to keep his room in their house, and after lane lashed out, his dad raised his hand to hit him.

lane flinched away and the heat of the moment was cut soon enough for him to lower his arm, but the general threat of physical abuse is still there every time lane sees his dad, and the one time he tried to bring it up his dad denied that it ever happened--- basically tries to gaslight him into thinking he’s just overreacting and blowing things out of proportion and all in all the relationship has lost all hope. within a month after the incident, he stopped talking to his dad entirely.

his mom was, fortunately, there to witness the situation, and is still outwardly in denial about the whole ordeal, but she was sympathetic enough to keep them separated for the rest of lane’s childhood and support her son when preferred to go to college than boot camp. she helped him fill out his applications and apply for financial aid knowing, deep down, that she probably wouldn’t see him again after he pulled out of the driveway and headed to rainier the next year.

persona:

your standard artsy, pretentious white boy. fake-deep entry-level philosopher, hiding any vulnerability behind a fort of irony and alleged self-awareness. the guy “sarcastically” playing early 2000′s indie-pop hits on acoustic guitar in the quad because he won’t admit that he earnestly likes the sincerity of songs. teasing/negging girls who instagram pictures of their food and judging people for scrolling through their phones in public when they should be paying attention to him. would have dread locks if he went to college just ten years ago. wears his ziggy stardust or velvet underground tee shirts on the anniversaries of bowie & lou reed's deaths and mourns artists like them belligerently publically. reads sartre & marx in crowded spaces with the book cover as visible as possible. 

a walking contradiction. uncontrollable mood swings. he flips between extreme arrogance and worrysome levels of self-deprecation at the strum of a chord. an alluring and unpredictable mine field of a person, flipping the switch between boughts of wrath and guilt, ecstatic passion and dreadful apathy, tyranny and self-harm. a rebellious party boy, very popular for a loner, with boyish charm and intrigue. but he’s much more self-aware than he used to be--- after realizing that he had no friends’ houses to stay at in his senior year of high school because he pushed everyone away, he tries much harder to be a better friend to people, both out of the need for self-preservation since he can’t spend summer breaks or holidays in montana anymore, and also out of a genuine empathy and understanding of other people’s behavior and feelings that he had to learn the hard way. 

grew up extremely passionate about studying history; refuses to admit that it’s not really his thing anymore. constantly triggered by his own textbooks. he would really do better in some philosophy or literature or psychology (or being confident enough in his own potential to major in photography and grow up to be the war photographer he was born to be), but he’s developed a masochistic streak in recent years.

attached at the guts to robin dundee. they have a complicated friendship with, but robin’s overpowering energy kind of forces lane to default to being calmer to balance him out. the boys are always saying they’re going to start a band together but can never decide what kind since they’re never interested in the same extremely specific and obscure sub-genre at the same time (one week robin will say they should be a dark vaudevillian cabaret goth band while lane insists that they should play ethereal folk and by the time one of them gets into the other’s taste, the latter has already moved on to psychobilly) and they always push away each other’s recruits to the band since all of lane’s friends find robin too psychotic and anyone robin attracts finds lane too pissy and sappy. 

wanted connections:

short-lived relationships or flings that ended ambiguously or badly because he’s kind of hard to handle for long periods of time. demure or ditzy/non-threatening friends who let him feel like the mischievous one for once (he tends to flirt with these kinds of people). unrequited crushes (on either side, but he should also have a huge crush on annona). dealers, or friends/clients of his dealer who he smokes with. a party squad. a white boy skater/weed/videogame squad (COUGH nate/sid/robin/lane what COUGH). someone who’s intrigued by his undiagnosed psyche and just wants to get close to him to figure him out - or - who finds him boring because they already have him figured out. people who are begrudgingly friends with him because he workshops and photographs their art for their portfolios (maybe someone whose name sounds like mattah sarhews). a friend of that friend whom he doesn’t realize is gay and keeps flirting with because he thinks she’s playing hard to get and just has a deadpan sarcastic sense of humor. someone whose family he spends breaks with (i’m assuming he usually winds up spending them with his fling at the time but a friend who he can consistently stay with would be good too), or someone who also on campus when school’s out; bonus points if they only talk when they’re having heart-to-hearts on the empty grounds. activists who recognize his energy and want to mobilize him (it’s tk i’m talking about tk @ nina bring tk to rainier please). good influence friends who are understanding of his behavior. someone who’s a little too forgiving of him and winds up getting stepped on because they assure him he’s safe to be emotional around them. bad influence friends who push him to act more like robin. enemies who do not have any patience for him or his antics, or anyone who actively tells people about what a bastard he is. maybe someone from his old school who he’s burned?