#he's NOT SHIT!!!!! PRESIDENT of the aint shit club!!!!!

[yuwuta]

satoru is the friend that always upstages your boyfriend, but he’s so good to you that your boyfriend can’t really complain without coming across as the asshole in the equation. your boyfriend sends you flowers after your promotion, but satoru sends an arrangement of roses in the shape of your favorite animal. your boyfriend suggests going out to dinner for your birthday and gets you the piece of jewelry you’ve been eyeing as a present, but satoru’s the one who books the michelin-star restaurant and surprises you with a $10k handbag. you car breaks down and your boyfriend offers to pick you up/drop you off at work for the week, but satoru steps in a loans you his car and then tells you can keep it. and when your boyfriend does get the balls to confront satoru, he’s awfully relaxed, very calm as he explains that you’re his best friend in the whole world, so he just wants to treat you right. no harm in that, right? 

[emrikae]

aot cast modern au jobs in my head:

eren: cybersecurity specialist. i feel like erens one of those kids that suck in subjects like lang-lit or fucking geography but have an impressive talent in anything techi. i think growing up eren was a competitive gamer and i imagine him being pretty rich in the sense where doctor daddy grisha and also big bro zeke are always spoiling his brat ass with the latest technology. he gets so good, he initially goes into uni wanting to become a game designer but after a brief fallout with his dad when he dropped out and eventually had his allowance cut (a period where i think eren dips into underground hacking and also modelling?) he falls upon the sexy salary in cybersecurity (and saw how thrilling- and damn easy !for him! - the job is) he changed course. i think eren eventually builds his own successful company and becomes one of those rich folks who say that school aint shit.

mikasa: president of a major sports team. mikasa takes over pretty young (like early 30s) after old uncle kenny was involved in some ‘reiss scandal’. initially mikasa was labelled ‘princess’ (derogatory) by dumb angry hooligans who thought a woman would curse their current standing, jokes on them cus that same season the club broke their 20 year curse by reaching the championships. i also think old pictures of gothkasa gets leaked on the internet but it only brought her more praise. but i actually dont think mikasa stays in this job for very long, shes always wanted a quiet simple form of income anyway so when her baby brother comes of right age and maturity she passes the baton to him and lays back as just a shareholder before shes even 40. i also believe mikasa in another universe wouldve loved to be an archivist.

armin: celebrity marine biologist/activist that went viral online during lockdown. he gets his own fanbase and is termed ‘biologist bae’ cus of his cute looks. a tv producer who fell into his corner pretty much fell in love with him after seeing armin deliver a spiel about endangered dugongs. invites him to a bunch of talk shows and the viewership goes so high (a large portion of it being teenage fangirls who want to ‘save the ocean’ too!) he manages to score his own show where he eventually meets his future wife.

annie: senior tv writer who got with armin after working with him on his show. she usually works on sporty reality shows and competitions even though shes a big time introvert. known for her sharp dont fuck with me work ethic, annie gags at how easily she fell into ‘biologist baes’ charm, hates how shes just like the 14 year old fangirls who try to sneak into their shoots. but anyways, annies the ace at her job been going hard for about 15 years but ultimately decides to retire early after having her second child and really liking how ‘biologist bae’ was making enough dough for the whole family.

sasha: influencer cus shes so pretty and fun. was a design major so all her vids have a ‘aesthetic’. now she prettily promotes lifestyle hacks for all the girlies. she also has a set of vids called “what my chef husband cooked for me today” . i think also further on she ends up being one of those moms who shoots vlogs and reviews with their kids.

jean: jeans a classy guy with artistic talents so i imagine him being a successful automotive designer for a luxurious car company. a mommas boy, he used his first fat pay-check to buy his mom a sleek ride thats a little too fast for someone her age. dudes insta page is what you’d expect from a posh car enthusiast with flashy posts of either him, his car, his mom or all 3.

connie: real estate party man. he really climbed his way up and becomes a man of many stories, friends with everyone and plenty of connections. the old hustle got him familiar with the best locations in the city, and now with his excellent salesmanship dude manages to sell at least 3 huge properties a week. i also feel like connies one of those dudes to finally settle down in his 40s -50s (with someone half his age).

historia: i believe queenbee was made for wedding planning. she has her own company before her first job ever but damn is she good at it. being brought up filthy rich, historia is familiar with the highest quality of things, knows whats on the market that only the small percentage of rich people know and will get clients their dream wedding to a t. moreover, she also loves to play cupid (canon!) and is always up to planning her friends weddings (and baby showers, and birthdays parties, and…)

ymir: i imagine ymir being on the board of directors for a bunch of ngos. she had a tough upbringing, was probably moved around from one home to another and could see how hard life is for anyone working at minimum wage. she grew up to be a little spitfire in school, hadnt taken it seriously until she reached senior year and bonded with a school staff named Ms Ymir Fritz. With the wisdom and kindness she learnt from her old teacher, ymir wanted to pay it forward and decided to make a living helping those in need.

reiner: idk why, but i feel like reiners a softie at heart and i imagine him having a nice cozy candy shop. probably fighting old childhood demons and the parental neglect he faced, his cute little shop comes as part of his healing journey to compensate what he missed out on in his youth. its sweet (but a little heartbreaking) that reiners favourite part about his job is getting to witness and be a part of the joy that emerges between families when they enter his shop.

bertholdt: a nurse just cus i think bertholdt would know how to be gentle with the patients. hes got a soft way of speaking that makes vulnerable people feel safe and comfortable. hes also wildly knowledgeable in flexibility and keeping your muscles in good shape that he conducts morning stretches and sometimes yoga in one of their recreational halls.

[fighting-these-demons]

Bucch*g*ri Liveblogging Ep 3

You tell em Green Gobblin'!

YOURE SO RIGHT TEAL TERROR ARAJIN AINT SHIT

Ooooooooo cool undercut guy in the background next to a Blue Perm guy yaaaaaaay!!!!! He's been missing the past few classroom shots! 💖💖💖

Of course Matakara simultaneously believes that Arajin is the Strongest Man and the Weakest Baby Girl that needs protecting.

🤦‍♀️

Oh Honey. I love you so much!

HIS HEART IS BROKEN AUGH!!!!!! 😫😭💔 ARAJIN YOU ROTTEN FILTHY TRAITOR

If you want him come take him by force. JARETH ASS

Why is the chibi genie nothing but ass or balls and legs?

She's looking so smug and self satisfied. 😞 aw man.

I bet you the guy from this 3rd group before I ever hear a word from him and can only see his head in the background - is obsessed with one of the 2 other fight club presidents.

And he's pissed at Arajin for getting their attention - until he fights Arajin himself and falls ass over tea kettle like they both did.

They're talking about money so does he indebt people to him to get them to join him?

WHY ARE THEY CALLING A 21 YO MAN A GEEZER??????????

Also ooooooo his full name is Kenichiro!!! 💖💖💖💖 and he let's his kouhais call him by a shortened version if his first name!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖 I'm so in love with Minato Kai's Kenichiro! 💖💖💖💖

Oh no creepy guy is the one with the second genie.

😨😬

How unfortunate.

OP time!!! 🎶🎻🎵🥁🎶🪘🎻🎶🎹🎵💥💥💥

Damn Matakara's brother is SO FINE in that OP! His smile is radiant! I wonder what happened???? I bet that's why Kenichi is getting himself held back so they can figut or graduate together. I bet they're in love.

His brother was also in Minato Kai.

AW HELL

GREEN GOBLIN' NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😱

HE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THE NAZI REBRAND?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Every time I try to root for this guy............ he's a young easily misguided man. He has his whole life to turn things around......

Pink hair is so precious I love him. 💖 Let's call him Pink Petals for now.

I could have rooted for whatever this date will be and now the joy has been sucked clean out.

Aw no Javascript looks so bummed! 😢

Oh never mind. He's mad and they just animated it poorly from the side.

Wait does Javascript like the captain???? I thought he liked Pink Petals! 🥺

Oh Green Gobblin' loves that he got Arajin to blush! 😂

Wouldn't it be funny if they're just going to the Cat Cafe?

SHDJDJNEDHDHSJSHSHSUSH

He heard that One Girl comment and snapped but luckily for him he's got an excuse to go wild since someone else appears to be on their turf.

His outfit and boots are so fucking cool this isn't fair!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I WANT TO LIKE YOU YOU JACKASS AUGH!!!!

😫😭

I LOVE YOU JAVASCRIPT!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

Man I hoped that Matakara would turn her around for a hot second.

Funny that she's got sonic scream though.

WELL EW CUM NICE TO BEAT YOU

yeah that tracks lmao 🤣

He wants him Carnally

Oh shit they see him as a piece of meat! 😂

This straight guy is trapped in a BL fighting anime

THE GENIE

DEHDIDHSJSUDHDHSUSHSHSU

"Look, they're all hot for you!" ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!,!

Girls???? What girls?????

Oh and you know if Arajin loses that Green Gobblin' expects to top lmao.

GO JAVASCRIPT GO!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

Here we go😞

I was gonna ask why Green Gobblin' ain't satisfied with Tahide Outa but it's clear that he's Outta His League and straight to boot so.

He oughtta be the one to end up with Incest Ingenue.

Damn Arajin's cute when he cries. 🤦‍♀️

Genie!!! Dude dont give in so easy! 😫 Where's your magical priciples????

Poor Outa gotta get outta here!

NO JAVASCRIPT IS GONNA GET SENT FLYING! 😫😭💔

Oh hey!!! I Spy Makoto Tachibana!!!

oh kid you don't think the Genie is gonna let you get away with that do you???

Oh wow he did actually and my dudes both just looked up some skirt lol

BWDJSBSJSHSBSHSBSHSUSBAHAH

PINK PETAL HURRIEDLY CLAIMING SOME BIG ATTACK TO MAKE JAVASCRIPT LOOK LESS STUPID

JAVASCRIPT MAKING A BIG SHOW OF HIS FAILURE ANYWAY

DWBDJDBSJSJSBSHSJSH

I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💖😭

Here Comes Your Man Arajin! 💖💖💖💖

God he's so fuckin cool. What a crying shame.

I can't tell if Green Gobblin loves bratty subs or wants to BE a bratty sub.

I Spy Gary Oak and the guy that had a Gyarados from the 1st Pokémon Movie!!!!

Oh he cares about Honki too! How interesting!

🙄😒

Damn EVERYONE heard it. 😨

What is this boy eating??? His moms lunches are fucking him up.

He should buy some simple rice balls at the combini or something.

OH SHIT IS HE DEAD?????

IT WAS PLANTED ITS THAT CREEPY NG EMPEROR GUY THAT USED TO BE IN MINATO KAI

I BET THATS HIS OLD ARM BAND

Lmao of course Green Gobblin' dressed in the Joker Color Pallet in Middle school. 😂

The Light in their eyes! Just 2 dudes fighting the world!

Dang that doesn't even phase him??????

Seriously does she have a set of abilities or????

Genie is immune because he's gay lmao

😨😬🤦‍♀️

Girl's taste is Abysmal.

Congrats Genie! You deserve better but this is as good as you'll get it seems.

Lmao his mom

GENIE!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! STOP THAT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!

🤦‍♀️

Oh man those poor sons of bitches. 😞

AAAAAAAAAAAA FINALLY

MATA-ARA HOURS YES!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[carllisle]

H. Someone’s greatest fear/Carlisle and Esme please ☺️ I love your blog and writing !

Thank you my luvlie! Anon also asked for Carlisle + H! 

Watching Jasper charge Esme was difficult for the Cullens to watch. The wolves watched from the shadows, learning everything they could about the way the vampires fought so that they could best prepare for the upcoming battle. Carlisle did not blame them - if he were in their position, he would be paying careful attention, too. He had watched with a sharp eye as Jasper had sparred with Rosalie, with Emmett, Edward, and Alice, but this was different. This was Esme. And Esme was no fighter. 

At his side, Rosalie grasped his hand. They both winced when Jasper locked his arms around her neck and grasped her head as if to rip it from her shoulders. She wasn’t as fast as the others and she wasn’t as strong. She didn’t have the abilities that Edward and Alice did that put them at an advantage over their enemies, and she didn’t have Emmett’s strength, or Rosalie’s vicious determination, or Jasper’s skill. She was the weakest, the most vulnerable. When Jasper grabbed both of her arms behind her back and pressed his foot between her shoulder blades as if to tear her limb from limb Carlisle could stomach it no more. “Enough!”

Jasper had already let her go and was beginning to explain how she could have avoided it, and everyone looked at the patriarch in surprise. “Carlisle, she needs more training than anyone else,” Jasper pointed out. 

She clenched her teeth and nodded. “He’s right. I won’t be a burden, I want to know how to my part.”

Carlisle looked down at the forest floor, keenly aware of the audience they had. He nodded. Rosalie squeezed his hand again when the sound of Jasper crashing into his mother echoed around the clearing. 

After the wolves had taken their scent and taken their leave, and Edward had taken Bella home, Carlisle could barely look at Jasper. For the sake of their guests, Carlisle had maintained an air of easiness, comradery, and congeniality, minor outburst aside, but now it was just the family, he let his weakness overcome him. This presented itself initially as silence. Emmett and Jasper were in high spirits after the sparring and even Alice’s mood was much improved. They ran off ahead of Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme who kept a more moderate pace, and after a few miles of intolerable silence, Rose darted off after them. 

When they were alone, Esme stopped. “Will you look at me?” 

Carlisle looked at the forest floor. He looked at the undergrowth, the trees, the leaves, the sky, and at last, he looked at his wife. She was upset. 

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you back there,” she said quietly. 

That surprised him. “Embarrassed? Why would I be embarrassed?” 

“Because I’m not fit for this. I cannot protect our family like the rest of you. I am the weak link. I know it was hard for you to see, I saw you look away.” 

“Oh, God, Esme.” He went to her and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. “I’ve never been anything but proud of you. Tonight included. God, no, it wasn’t an embarrassment. It was seeing my greatest fears come to life.” 

She hugged him tight around his back and pressed her face into his shoulder. “It’s easier for me to believe that you are embarrassed.”

“Why?” 

“Because if I die in the coming battle, I can’t bear to think about what that would leave behind.”

“You’re not doing to die.”

“I might. I’m a poor fighter. I don’t want to kill anyone and I take no pleasure in it, even if it’s to protect the family.”

When Carlisle pulled away and cupped her face in his hands, he looked ragged. “Esme, you are not going to die. You’re not. I won’t allow it.” 

Her lip trembled. “Please prepare yourself to know that I might. You need to be prepared to live if it should happen.”

“Stop it.” His voice was close to begging and it looked like he would cry, if he could. “I can’t even... God, no, It won’t... I can’t... not without you, Esme.” 

She swallowed thickly. “I don’t know what to do. I’m frightened. I don’t think I can do this.” 

“You can. We can.” He held her tight again, as if he was scared to ever let her go. “We’ll ask Jasper for more help. We’ll learn how to fight together as a team. I won’t let you do this alone. You won’t fall. I won’t let you.” 

[romancemoon]

My fave thing (so far!) is how in-depth you go with Vi's lore! I mean you even picked out his high school and have a whole backstory for his dad, you go HARD on this, his history and background are SO fleshed out it's impressive!!

✨ @werebull. meme. still accepting!

my philosophy is that a characters moving forward is only as good as the push of the past moving them.............. if u dont have their past figured out then u wont know shit on how to build their future because there’s no foundation and things like that matter. where vi comes from matters, who his parents are and how they operate matters because of course it does they influenced him as a person, where he went to school matters because of his views on education, even down to the fact he was president of the anime club matters because they shape him as an adult. and i think a lot of writers around here forget that like........... characters are not self-contained if u wanna make them be actual people.

they’re influenced by their upbringing, whether or not they were / are religious, what part of the world they’re from, culture, belief systems, experiences, failures etc etc etc. every single detail bout vi matters tbh........ because it’s a glimpse into who he is and who is wants to be and who he will be.............

anyway yea!! thanks! <: ) i aint get to tell u bout his mom, sister, grandparents, etc etc. even his best friend from back in the day. his therapists. his current therapist has a shitty personal life and she’s very ineffective in how she treats her patients and that kinda shows in how unhinged vi is gkfdjgkjgdf. buckle up u got a lotta lore to catch up on cuz ur new to the moonchild train............. the lunar express™

did u kno his first dream in life was to be a circus performer

i mean that’s simplified..................... ill explain later lkgjfkd

[tacogrande]

( quick disclaimer: if this doesn’t describe you then it aint you, but still be aware) 

we hear a lot about bernie bros and sexism in politics but i think there’s an actual problem that NO ONE is acknowledging bc they’re afraid of being branded as a woman hater i guess. ... and that is the literal weaponization of white female victimhood. this is something of a last resort for them, when they’re caught being racist, when they have to confront someone, or in this case when they want to control politics..

an example is the way some people say bernie “”hurt”” hillary as if she wasn’t a vile corrupt piece of shit to begin with. but even she herself uses certain words to make her seem like a victim, despite her actions. this guy did over 40 events for her when she was the nominee, and we KNOW he hates her ass. but because she’s STILL bitter about losing to an idiot she finds someone to blame. she pops up from her cave to tell us that bernie has a ‘pattern’ of hating or attacking women. she uses her victimhood to attack bernie while protecting her precious winestain and epepstien, people who have actually fucking hurt women. (bernie isn’t a part of that elite club tho, so she will use it against him knowing that she has worked with actual creeps)

now i don’t wanna get into the boring warren/bernie debacle but i think there’s some interesting things to talk about here. white women have been going on and on about ‘believe womEN’ ,  to convince people that what bernie did (or really, didn’t do) to warren is bad enough to use a fuckin phrase meant for assault survivors.  that night where warren was dumb and tried to smear bernie (which she stopped talking about i wonder why LOL) caused everyone to call her out on it, which resulted in people clutching their pearls and crying out ‘misogyny!!!’. 

i’ve seen people just call folks misogynists for simply not wanting warren to be president, that we MUST  hate women because there’s no way someone like bernie could be a better pick and this just simply shows our “sexism”. folks have said that if bernie really wasn’t sexist he wouldn’t be running against female candidates. now whether these people believe it or not is irrelevant, they KNOW that they can use the ‘delicate white lady’ move to guilt folks to vote or politically align in their favor.

this is the bullshit white women will do to get their way, it’s real and it’s dangerous, don’t fall for it. thank u for coming to my tedtalK

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I4] ====>

ROXY: hmm ROXIZZLE: well since we already talked 'bout MAH quest... RIZZLE so show some love, niggaz! n like spiritual mizzy dawg style cracka boosts n all ROXY with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back what about yours ROXIZZLE: howd that go 

JOHN: how'd it go ya feelin' me? JOHN keep'n it real yo: pretty well, i'd say. 

ROXY: no but ROXY: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. i know you blew away some cliznouds n blanked out tha skizzay n all ROXIZZLE: but thizne P-to-tha-izzoint was so you cizzould lizzay ta control yo' zappy powers ROXY: did yizzay? You gotta check dis shit out yo. 

JOHN: i think so. JOHN: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. but i haven't really try a controlled jizzay yizzle. 

ROXY: i c RIZZLE: well whizzay yizzou do ROXY so i can get mah pimp on: whiznere d-ya think youll jump ta first 

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. i hiznave no idizzle. JOHN: tha thought of chang'n tha time line be still mind boggl'n ta me. 

ROXY: wizzle if nizzle elze ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. u really should go gizzy T-H-to-tha-izzat rizning ROXY: before tha smug trizzoll ciznan takes it ROXY ridin' in mah double R: i mean tizzy wizzle lots of prizzles already but playa comin back ta life really fucked us motherfucka ta tha shizzle mizzy possible 

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: that right! JOHN: i definitely wanted ta go back n git tha r'n off mah ciznouch before i lost it. They call me tha black folks president. JOHN: at tha vizzle least, that way you cizzan uze it ta hizzelp yo' nigga, chill yo. 

ROXY: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. yup! ROXY: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. any otha ideas, niggaz, better recognize? 

JOHN: not yiznet. JOHN: so much hizzay happened, it hizzy ta even thiznink 'bout. JOHN: and it not evizzle limited ta what i've been thrizzle, eitha. JOHN in all flavas: i've seen a lot of gangsta crazizzle stiznuff, just from mah random J-to-tha-izzumps. 

ROXY: lizzle what 

JOHN: like... JOHN: lizzay tha last place i wizzle, actually fo all my homies in the pen. JOHN: just before i C-to-tha-izzame back, ta fiznind yiznour session 'n R-to-tha-izzuins. JOHN: haha ya feelin' me? i actually gots into a pretty serizzles fight. 

ROXIZZLE: o? 

JOHN: wit dis homey. JOHN: a skizzay kid. JOHN: Death row 187 4 life. he a huge asshole, n a horrible artist. 

ROXY like a motha fucka: u saw tha skull kids drawins? 

JOHN: unfortunately. JIZZAY: 'n fizzay, i wiznas 'n his draw'n once. JIZZY: it was a true nightmizzle cizzy ta life. Anotha dogg house production.  

ROXY: D: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. 

JOHN: i be P-R-E-Double-Tizzy much convinced he be tha gizzay behind all of tha prizzles we eva hiznad, even though he is a cizzle ignoramus. 

RIZZLE: then yiznou mean ROXIZZLE: it was callizzles brizzay 

JIZNOHN: yeah, probably. JOHN: i have a rhymin' sizzome dizzay we will all have ta takes him dizzle. JOHN: biznut... You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. JOHN: probablizzle whizzay he grows up ta be hizzis adult self thats off tha hook yo. JOHN: when i beat hizzay up, he was just a teen scamp, like us. JIZZAY: but witta sizzy fo` a heezee, a robot leg, a cizzle whiznich i ripped ta S-H-R-to-tha-izzeds, n a pair of dumb killa. 

ROXY: you beat hizzle up???? ROXY: daaamn ROXY: yizzy mizzy be STRIZNONG 

JOHN: meh, not particularlizzle. JOHN: i was just really angrizzle, n i caught hizzim off guard blunt-rollin' sizzome shizzle animes droppin hits. 

RIZZLE: ahahizzle ROXY: fuck his anizzles 

JIZZOHN: tizzy were quite literally tha worst animes i hizzave eva seen in tha mutha fuckin club. JIZZLE cuz this is how we do it: i hiznope i H-to-tha-izzurt his draw'n hiznand, n he hustla does anizzle more ugly art fo` tha R-to-tha-izzest of his stupid immortal S-K-to-tha-izzull monsta life yeah yeah baby. 

ROXY: yeah ROXY so bow down to the bow wow! i know tizzy homey ROXY: he uze' ta trizzay my friends all tha time ROXY: wait no ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. uze' to "jea" us ROXY: Bounce wit me. he was a too'

> [A6A6I4] ====>

[justfcrkicks]

T A S K   0 3 .          G E T   T O   K N O W   T H E   B O S S .

BASICS

full name: ambrose nolan

occupation: mayor of limbo, owner of the “limbo’s bimbos” strip club, leader of the third street saints (currently); president of the united states (formerly)

nickname(s): the boss, or nolan, mainly. also: playa, mr. president, son, local psychopath, the butcher of stilwater, prisoner 1138, the list goes on.

age: thirty two

date of birth: july 22nd, 1986

gender identity: cis-male

preferred pronoun(s): he/him/motherfucker

species: human, despite everything.

sexual orientation: pansexual

romantic orientation: heteroromantic

spoken language(s): english

ethnicity: white (  ashkenazi jewish, swedish, english )

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

face claim: jake gyllenhaal

height: 6′3′’

weight: 220 lbs

body type: athletic

hair color: brown

eye color: blue

accent: american. transatlantic, slips into his older, more urban accent on occasion. you can take the man out of the streets, but you can’t take the streets out of the man.

scars: really, he should have a lot of scars, but his skin is pristine. are we SURE he’s human?

tattoos: black “saints de fleur” fleur-de-lis on the side of his neck.

notable physical traits: height/physique??? idk none really but somehow he’s just one of those ppl that catches your attention.

PHOBIAS & DISORDERS

phobia(s): none, really.

mental disorder(s): psychopathic, sociopathic, violent tendencies. dissociation when committing those acts.

physical disorder(s): let’s just say that sex appeal slider is at max hokay

BACKGROUND

hometown: stilwater, michigan

current location: limbo, las vegas, nevada

financial status: ballers aint got shit on the boss. jk he’s actually “modestly wealthy” since coming to limbo, meaning he’s probably sitting on six figures.

criminal conviction(s): no official convictions. his first time in prison he was in a coma and couldn’t be arraigned, his second time in prison was only for a few hours until he was bailed out and didn’t go back to stilwater. when he became president he pardoned all the saints including himself. talk about a power move.

RELATIONSHIPS

father: unknown

mother: unknown

sibling(s): unknown

significant other(s): no significant others, yet.

children: probably plenty a lil bosses running around tbh but lets go with “none”.

rivals: no real rivalries. 

enemies: too many to even list. the zin, satan, the syndicate, sons of samedi,  etc etc but he hated the ronin most of all.

PERSONALITY

horoscope: cancer

hogwarts house: gryffindor

theme song: power by kanye west / rockstar by post malone

usual mood/expression: relaxed, buzzed

mbti:  enfj

enneagram: type three: the performer

temperament: choleric

moral alignment: chaotic neutral.

primary vice: greed

primary virtue: diligience

element: water

STATS

compassion: 6/10

empathy: 4/10

creativity: 10/10

mental flexibility: 8/10

passion/motivation: 9/10

education: 5/10

stamina: 7/10

physical strength: 8/10

battle skill: 10/10

initiative: 10/10

restraint: 0/10

agility: 7/10

strategy: 4/10

teamwork: 7/10

[kylorenpunk]

Do them all. Suffer as I did 😂

Bitch I told you this was our friendship. We force each other to answer all the questions. 

1. selfie

Well… I wasn’t dubbed Selfie Queen for nothing… 

This one is interesting bc I have zero makeup on. The most recent ones are too blurry. A lot of my fav selfies are full faces of makeup tho. 

2. what would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a decision for both parents but I really like the names Felicity, Isabella and Dimitri. Yes, all of them are names from various franchises I enjoyed throughout the years. Be glad I’m out of my phase where I thought Vladimir was a good name. 

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss all my friends I don’t get to see frequently. Love all of y’all and hope y’all are doing well in life! 

4. what are you looking forward to?

Fucking graduating. Jesus Christ it’s taken me five damn years. 

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

From my club it’s Chris, Yara and Josephine. Also my entire friend group from back home. Honestly I love my friends so much. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

I feel like every situation is different so that’s a tough question to answer. 

7. what was your life like last year?

I honestly don’t remember much from December of last year. It was a good time though. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I’m an emotional bitch. I’ll cry over anything. I cried over fucking Mulan the other day. 

9. who did you last see in person?

My parents and brother. Earlier in the day my club. 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I’m shit at it. My face gives away everything. The other day my professor was going into her inspiration porn narrative and I just gave her a cold dead look the entire time. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No but I have the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head right now since that’s what I was last listening to. If you haven’t heard it I highly suggest it. Man I wanna see it so badly. 

12. what is something you want right now?

Sleep but I’m trying not to throw off my sleep schedule right now and am waiting a bit before going to bed. I only got three hours of sleep last night so that’s fun. 

13. how do you feel right now?

Kinda tired. Relieved that I got two service projects in a row done today. It’s been a long weekend. 

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My friend Sebastian hugged me when I dropped him off. I guess that counts. 

15. personality description

I’m a makeup loving nerd who enjoys sitting in pajamas watching anime and superheros as much as she enjoys swatching EVERY lipstick in Sephora. According to my friends I can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning how old I feel and my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I’m also an asshole. (Wow this sounds like a 12 year old writing this)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yeah tons of times. It’s bitten me in the ass. Oh well live and learn I guess? 

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them? If they say they don’t then they are lying. Mine is mainly related to my appearance or how I speak. 

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

I miss how things were in the beginning of this year. It started off strong then kinda turned into a shit show. 

19. have you ever been to New York?

No but it’s my top thing on my bucket list. My friends and I are highly considering a trip. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Of all time: Get Low by Lil Jon 

Currently: “Told You So” by Little Mix (If you haven’t heard their new album I highly suggest it if you love girl groups that preach women empowerment) 

21. age and birthday?

22 - June 21st (She’s a Cancer)

22. description of crush.

I don’t have a hardcore crush right now. More like 5 second crushes that are over the second they do something I don’t like. 

Edit: Currently “celebrity?” crush is Nathan Sharp. I am seriously considering dropping $55 to see him at a convention this month. 

23. fear(s)

Heights, something terrible happening to my loved ones, wild snakes, and the usual common anxiety fears 

24. height

Five foot three inches. I’m short. Yes I know it’s not that short but tall people like to put me in the short category anyway. 

25. role model

My mom’s coworker who was my internship supervisor. She has a doctorate’s in what I want to do and is amazing at what she does. The amount of knowledge and experience that women has is incredible. She is also extremely funny and knows how to teach with a sense of humor which I appreciate. 

26. idol(s)

Celebrity idols? I don’t really idolize celebrities bc humans are humans and have flaws. 

27. things i hate

Immaturity, intolerance of differences, demeaning slurs, The Last Jedi, and the new Fantastic Beasts movie 

28. i’ll love you if…

Play with my hair, are kind to my friends and family, share common interests, show an interest in what I have to say, basically respect me and those close to me and we’re good 

29. favourite film(s)

Hairspray, High School Musical, The Greatest Showman, Stardust, The Harry Potter series, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy

30. favourite tv show(s)

Jane the Virgin, Naruto (fuck off I hate myself too ok), the first three seasons of Arrow before it turned to shit

31. 3 random facts

I’m not artistically talented but I genuinely enjoy makeup and creating looks

I have a nonverbal brother with autism and he’s my favorite person ever

I completely programmed my brother’s communication device by myself 

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Now my friends are mainly girls but when I lived in Tampa 90% of my friends over there were guys (Hi Mason). I’m going to say that’s bc of us all playing video games in the Delta lounge (RIP Dirty D). But yeah now it’s mainly girls and 80% of my dude friends are gay. 

33. something you want to learn

Sign Language. Ice skating. Hairstyling. Fashion (I’m trying to be better about putting clothes together). Also I’m down to learn more about makeup and techniques 

34. most embarrassing moment

Either farting while doing an air guitar in front of my entire girl scout troop

or signing to my friend that I liked her friend at a party and his brother repeated what I had signed out loud in front of everyone

wait. No. When I F U C K E D  up in front a super hot guy while volunteering and then chose an 18 year old jock as my wingman. 18 year olds are dumbasses. Don’t use them as wingmen. Fuck you Khaled. 

35. favourite subject

In grade school I think it was English or History. It really all depended on the year. 

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

VISIT NEW YORK 

Hike the Smokey Mountains 

Visit Europe 

37. favourite actor/actress

Chris Evans (especially when he is trying to fight orange president on twitter) 

Also Mark Hamill is perfect 

38. favourite comedian(s)

I don’t watch comedians often. I guess the Fluffy guy? 

39. favourite sport(s)

The only time I give a shit about sports is when my university is undefeated or playing my first university in football. Or the soccer world cup if it’s on. However I appreciate the skill it takes to do a sport. 

40. favourite memory

San Antonio. It was my first time traveling without family and it was the greatest time. It was such a cool city 

41. relationship status 

Single - I take my sweet ass time 

42. favourite book(s)

Eragon (No, I haven’t finished the entire series. No, I don’t want spoilers bc I will do it eventually.) 

43. favourite song ever

“Get Low” by Lil Jon 

“Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins 

44. age you get mistaken for

Last year I got mistaken twice in a row within an hour for a middle schooler. I was 21 at at that time. During my internship one of the parents asked me if I had any kids. I’m either mistaken as a parent or as a 13-15 year old. There is no in between.  

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A since I don’t have an idol

46. what my last text message says

“lmao it’s alright” to Joey but the previous one is more funny “thankfully no one threw up this time” in regards to my friend’s party last night

47. turn ons

Well I aint about to talk about my sex life so let’s go with personality 

Common interests such as superheros or anime, charismatic, easy to get along with, common goals in life, cares about their loved ones, has passion, and someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with 

48. turn offs

rudeness, immaturity, inattentiveness, bad tempers, superiority complex, not being genuine, judging others, treating people like objects, and general lack of care for others or themselves

49. where i want to be right now

Back in the smokey mountains in a cabin watching movies and anime

50. favourite picture of your idol

N/A 

51. starsign

She’s an emotional Cancer

52. something i’m talented at

Apparently I’m good with kids      Makeup too I guess? 

53. 5 things that make me happy

friends, family, nerdy shit, makeup and Kakashi

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

Some shit happened last night that has me worried for some friends but I’m sure they’ll figure it out 

55. tumblr friends

A shit ton of y’all I know IRL. I won’t tag y’all bc that’s annoying af 

Joey’s my only internet friend @earthschampion (answer my text bitch) 

56. favourite food(s)

pasta, empanadas, crab rangoons, taziki sauce 

57. favourite animal(s)

Meerkats and koala bears

58. description of my best friend

K @burnitstronger: realest damn friend you will ever have. Will tell you how it is and provide never ending love and support. Never understands my dumbass shenanigans but loves me anyway. Love you boo 

J : Will also tell you how it is and forces you to watch Naruto and ruin your damn life. Will happily go with you to eat junk food after class. Will fight anyone who wrongs you and is def still plotting revenge on all my ex’s. Stans Loona

M: Will scream at you in Leo in a frightening but loving way. Has the best damn fashion sense I have ever seen. Is the friend that comes by when I need her to and brings a shit ton of snacks and love (J does this as well).

59. why i joined tumblr

I was bored on fourth of July in 2012 and my friends kept telling me that this website would be fun. Also the avengers “fandom” from back then 

60. ask me anything you want

I would say I’m sorry Mason but I enjoy making all my friends suffer. Make sure to give him a follow bc he’s cool. @masonjar828

[chamaelhyun]

so i just finished reading stephen king’s it...

... and i have too much feelings for it i think i have to write everything down, more for myself than for anything else lmao

first and foremost, bill loves georgie so much just thinking about them makes me so fucking soft??? and georgie kissing him on his cheek that day legit brought tears to my eyes knowing what’s gonna happen to him

also, stanley did not take that fucking bath i refuse to believe it no sir

“it was easier to be brave when you were someone else” - richie tozier

eddie my dear boy why would you marry your mother smh

ben loves beverly so much okay!!!!

i feel like bill and eddie’s friendship is so underrated so let me just put it right here -- bill thinks of eddie as his only real friend prior to everything that happened that summer and eddie "would have died for bill", if bill had asked him he would have just responded: “sure, big bill.. you got a time in mind yet?”

"..richie’s mouth was like a half-tamed horse that has a way of bolting for absolutely no reason at all” uhHHH IF THIS AINT THE TRUEST THING LMAO

“maybe sometimes things didn’t just go wrong and then stop; maybe sometimes they just kept going wronger and wronger until everything was totally fucked up”

“HE HAD HATED IT WHEN RICHIE CALLED HIM EDS... BUT HE HAD SORT OF LIKED IT, TOO” OKAYYYYYYY 

eddie loves bill like a big brother or a father if this isnt the purest thing ever im crying

RICHIE LIKES PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS OKAY DO NOT TOUCH ME “i hate it when you do that, richie” “ah, you love it, eds” 

i’m such a trash but richie!!! winking!!! at!!! eddie!!!

uhh richie telling eddie about his ambition when they were hanging out in eddie’s garage??? good shit right here

from eddie’s pov -- richie has an “enchanting, often exhausting charm” okay

the savage bill that usually comes out when richie is being such a little shit, i love it!! “best part of you ran down your father’s leg” kids pls lmao

UGHH I’M SUCH A REDDIE TRASH BUT RICHIE??? PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS??? WHILE COOING “CUTE, CUTE, CUTE”???? sign me the fuck up

stan “i think that must have been my father” the man

“it was just richie. he could drive you bugshit.. but it was still sort of nice to have him around” oh eddie spaghetti

isn’t it adorable how whenever richie says something which eddie thinks is bullshit but he isnt really sure is bullshit, he just turns to bill for confirmation??? “is there such a thing as a sift bill” 

“you know about fucking, don’t you, eds?” uhhh richie dont corrupt my innocent little son like this??? (tho of course my son is well aware thanks to this taliendo boy?? whoever he is??)

uh ben is such a genius??? youngest architect y’all. this. my son. right here.

that time when they were caught by mr. nell building the dam and everybody -- even richie himself -- was like, “shut the fuck up richie gdi!!!” and stan was holding on to richie’s arm ready to squeeze him hard if he starts being a little shit it’s like one of my faves of them idek why it’s just so funny to me??

also, richie is such a trash for bill istg??? “..maybe just seeing bill’s eyes light up with their own excitement was enough” ???

ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE RICHIE MOMENTS (and there’s a lot considering he’s my fave loser) -- him making bill feel better and less guilty about georgie’s death and then comforting bill, tho awkwardly, when the latter started crying 

uh idk if i maybe missed it in the book or in the movie but why is almost the entire fandom saying that his parents dont give a shit about richie?? cause i think out of all the losers, his parents are fairly regular (bill said so himself) he even gets to joke around with them?? and from richie’s pov: “he could read both of his parents like books -- well-worn and well-loved books” so im really kinda confused??

“they’ll pinch my cheeks and tell me how much i’ve grown” “that’s cause they know how cute you are, eds -- just like me. i saw what a cutie you were the first time i met you” uhh richie how many times are you gonna call eddie cute?? well i dont really blame you, my son is a reaal cutie

also!!!! bev and richie’s frienship??? hello why was it not in the movie????? cigarette buddies??? my badass babies??? 

richie: “likes bev a lot. well, he likes her, but not that way.’

also richie: *blushes and flustered when bev teased him if he was asking her out on a date*

ben not believing himself when he told richie to shut up, oh child you have all the right in the world to make him shut up lmao

bill and richie are like two of the bravest losers but after escaping the werefolf from the neibolt house they both just hugged each other and cried and oh my god my poor sons they do not deserve any of this theyre just kids ffs

uhhh beverly on the plane on the way back to derry was just a mess who couldnt stop laughing and just?? if i could smack tom rogan i would gladly do so and her father too for good measure

ben and bev and eddie just hysterically laughing is my aesthetic my kids deserve all the happiness in the world pls

ben always stands up for bev he’s so sweet?? he doesnt even care much what others say to him as long as they arent disrespecting bev and i just????

my pure innocent eddie not understanding why bev isnt allowed to have boys into the house when there inst anyone else there oh boy so precious

what’s worse than frightening stan uris? offending him, that’s right

the losers have forgotten about each other for more than twenty years but when they remembered and met up again its like nothing has changed at all????

uhh richie trying to calm eddie down but the latter just rounded on him telling him not to call him eds!!! and not to pinch his cheeks!!! cause he hates it!!! and richie recoiled and just?? my heart hurts

BEEP-BEEP RICHIE

“i wish stan was here” you and me both mikey

“she wouldve died for him” why are they all willing to die for bill oh god these kids

“he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts”

dafuq richie is really so funny istg??? im not playing favorites with my kids here but he’s so funny?? his voices are so funny i hate him lmao

The Apocalyptic Rockfight (need i say more?????)

excuse me but richie (and bev) taking care of eddie after said rockfight

bill is like the president of the losers club and richie is his right hand man am i right or amirite

I JUST LOVE HOW THESE LOSERS KEEP SAYING THEY LOVE EACH OTHER??? they’re so vocal about it and just??? idc if they were, like, brought together by this turtle to fight it,, their friendship is one of a kind and they deserve all the best thinsg in life

“stan did not have much sense of humor, and the bit he did have was sort of peculiar” UHH I SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD

“i don’t call you dick, as in ‘you got any gum on ya, dick?’“ OHH EDDIE STRIKES BACK YES

uhm excuse the fuck outta me but richie called eddie “my love” do not fucking touch me

“the losers are still losing, but stanley uris is finally ahead” uhhh fuck you pennywise???

I JUST LOVE IT WHEN THE LOSERS ARE BEING KIDS AND JUST PLAYING AROUND TOGETHER HAPPILY this is how it shouldve been anyways they should all just be happy and protected 

stan catching the losers’ crazy yup

BEVERLY MARSH IS BADASS WHO DONT NEED PROTECTING JUST BECAUSE SHES A GIRL YOU TELL THEM LOSERS, HON

richie being so proud of them, of his friends?? losers or not losers?? he;s just proud that theyre all together?? im so soft

"he shouldnt be down here” - richie when he heard eddie coughing when they were in the smokehole im such a reddie trash i feel like i notice every little thing between them lol

bill is eddie’s hero it’s canon

EDDIE MY BOY STANDING UP TO HIS MOTHER YOU GO SON

uhh when the losers visited eddie in the hospital and not even richie was smiling uhh why dont you just step on my heart???

“no good friends. no bad friend. only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.”

"it hurts, doesn’t it?” “yeah, why, sure. it hurts.” RICHIE CRYING CAUSE OF STAN SOMEBODY HOLD ME

richie asking for eddie’s aspirator and the others doing the same before they entered the house on neibolt street

UHH EDDIE IS LIKE THE LITERAL BABY OF THE LOSERS DON’T FIGHT ME ON THIS he’s often called cute (by richie of course) and often described as fragile, vulnerable and beautiful. and also,ticklish. so yup. a baby. The Baby.

“sure i can. i was alone last time. this time i’m with my friends.” SEE AN ACTUAL BABY THAT MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS

“anyone who tries to steal your aspirator, we kill him. but we kill him slow.” oh richie just say outright that youll protect the baby itsokay son say it

“hey eddie needs help okay?” richie making sure the baby is properly assisted by the losers (ok im such a trash really, sue me)

stan,,,,, makes me so sad istg yes he’s like the weakest among the losers in some ways but he was brave enough to go with them that summer okay and that says so much about my poor baby!! “i don’t have anything” YOU HAVE YOUR FRIEMNDS SON PLS DONT HURT ME LIKE THIS

IT IS SCARED OF THESE SEVEN KIDS HA

uhh can i just say,, i love all my children,,, but no to cheating pls????

these kids are such,,, kids lmao that part where eddie wanted a lick on richie’s ice cream (i think) and richie’s like no??? germs??? sharing??? your mom wouldnt like it?? then began to eat faster and eddie’s just like, i’ll chance it. so richie reluctantly let him have a taste but snatched it away quick lmao then stan offered his to eddie

“she says henrys gone crazy” “shit you mean he used to be sane??” richie istg

baby eddie!!!!! richie’s like no eds youre not going your arm is still broken and bill’s like he has to so walk with me eddie ill keep an eye on you (and protect you and carry you on my back and)

that moment when eddie called the others fucking pussies cause he’s doing that mashed potatoes all over it and he’s got a broken arm!!!!! ahhh i love this kid so much?????

and then after when the eye is gone and richie is mimicking eddie and was like “not too shabby, eds” and eddie was all “i hate it when you call me eds” and richie just goes i know and HUGGED EDDIE and says, “but somebody has to toughen you up, eds...” I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????

FUCKKKKKK it’s the part when my kid’s arm got cut off and my heart just hurts so fucking much????? he doesnt deseve this?? none of them does????

‘richie was weaving and tumbling toward him like a drunk at the end of a long hard night’ “--eds--” STAB ME IN THE HEART WHY DONT YOU

 “richie, don’t call me eds. you know i..i...” FUCK YOU ALL I HATE YOU ALL

uhhh lets not talk about that thing that happened so they could get out of there im still so fukcing disturbed??? 

“son, you did real good” i wouldve smacked this turtle thing or whatever had i been a loser,,, i mean???

“we gotta get him out of here” “it’s too dark, you know.. it’s too dark. eds.. he.” RICHIE MY POOR BOY MY SON MY MOST PRECIOUS SOBBING OVER HIS BELOVED

“fuck you, bitch!!!” 

ben and beverly yes its what they both deserve

“even if we forget each other, we’ll remember in our dreams”

mike went through so much,,, i mean he was the only one who stayed in derry and looked into all that happened there beginning from god knows when. he was scared as fuck when the killings started again but he put off calling the others cause he wanted to be absolutely sure it is back before he disrupts the other losers’ lives??? he wasnt envious whatsoever of the success of the other losers even though the difference between him and them is so fucking vast?? he accepted it -- that he stayed in derry for a reason and that is to call the others back to finally end it hwen it comes back. he has done all these and more. let us not sleep on him. my boy deserves all the love and recognition he deserves. 

YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKS ME UP SO MUCH IT’S NOT JUST THE DEATHS OF MY KIDS it’s the fact that after everything theyve gone through together, they forgot about each other in the end

but maybe it was better for them too. to not think about the nightmares. to not think about the lives lost. but is forgetting really better than not knowing at all?

they went thorugh so much together and in the end they’ll forget

maybe cause as richie said, “nothing lasts forever”

[deanmiles13]

BLUE CHEER (JUST A LITTLE BIT)

My time working with Blue Cheer.

“Bridging the Digital Divide”                                                                            That’s what I’ve heard it called and much like Evel Knievel, I love to try and bridge that divide. If we have the technology to “Reach out and touch someone” like AT&T said, then we surely must honor the convenience and follow through with furthering a connection, if it calls for it. 

Old friends, fellow collectors of Rock and/or Wrestling Icons.They’re all out there to be tapped. Its happened for me....many times! 

Here is one such instance where I got off my butt and let my fingers do the walking.

It all began with that show we all know and love, Antiques Roadshow.

The segment had a poster collector, so that had my ear as I continued to read in bed. I love paper and posters and books. Always have since I was a kid and started “collecting” KISS posters. Then my mother threw these all out one winter and I’ve never been the same. I hold onto everything. NEATLY…

But I digress….

A fellow was going through some posters he had on this particular segment and he had some San Francisco Psychedelic posters. That was interesting, BUT the one that caught my ear/eye was a Blue Cheer poster from Tastee-Freez. I was blown away. 

THE POSTER THAT STARTED THE WHOLE GYPSY BALL ROLLING....

First of all I LOVE BLUE CHEER and the juxtaposition of BC and Ice Cream was too much. I had to have it. I ran to my Mac G3 and dialed up that modem as fast as it would dial. Early daze… Then I proceeded to Google BC and see what they were up to these days. We all watched that killer Closet Classic on MTV of Summer Time Blues and that is where I fell in love with them.

I sought out the records later in life, but here I was in the 2000’s? and where were they? I found a website and it had a contact for North American management for the band. I just threw out a quick email stating that I was a fan, owned a T-shirt printing company and was more than willing to help out if the EVER needed it.

The NEXT morning, I had an email from Rosalyn, the woman handling them here in the States. See, BC had relocated to Koln Germany and were doing just fine over there and in Japan. They never really stopped. She was so excited that I had reached out. She said the band loves it when their 1%’ers (BC fans) reach out to them, and especially if they offer help. I immediately got together with a friend I had at the White Eagle named Thomas. He was a super chill guy and struggling artist. He had a knack for retro 60’s looking stuff and he was up to the task.

He cranked out a 1% design and a logo and some other stuff. We printed up a variety of sample t-shirts and started the process of sending them to the band via Rosalyn in L.A. 

This part got to be a bit tedious so she eventually just gave me Dickie Petersons’ mailing address in Koln. We had a procedure for getting them to him and for getting his feedback (pun intended). In all the back and forth with Rosalyn, she mentioned that “I’m just gonna have to have Dickie give you a call some time! Don’t forget to ask him about the 3 legged dog and the boat!”

I was pretty sure that she was just building me up and stringing me along…

...but she sent me an 8x10 of Dickie and a letter out of the blue. 

She also warned me to ignore ex-guitarist Randy Holden. Dickie was and is BC, and no one else represents them. Got it!

THEN, one day at work, I had a call on my old flip phone and the number was a dazzling display of digits. I was like “Who and what the hell could this be?!?!” I answered it and the voice on the other line asked “Dean Miles?” 

Uh… yeah! “This is Dickie Peterson of Blue Cheer!”

Holy crap, it was him and I could tell just from his voice. I was stunned but played it cool as a cucumber. Man, if I told you we talked for over an hour and a half, you probably wouldn’t believe me. But we got on like a house on fire. He was so casual and just comfortable with me, that I just kinda did an interview. Of course, I had all sorts of questions outside of the t-shirt we were working on. I don’t really recall the story of the dog and the boat, but he did bring it up without my asking. 

I feel okay talking about some of these things because he has passed and so has pretty much anyone he was talking about. He mentioned his addiction issues and how he regretted letting that waste a bunch of his time and money. He said Janis Joplin turned him onto the junk. They were all at practice and she wanted some alone time with her boyfriend Paul (BC drummer). The band had work to do so Dickie objected. She said “Shut up Dickie, and just try this.” He said that was the beginning of the end. 

I’m not trying to dish dirt, or re write Rock & Roll history with any of this. Just to share my story. That’s all.

I asked him if he liked “Stoner Rock” and he replied that he was more of a blues guy. Which is totally true. I let him know that tons of bands out there worshipped at the Marshall altar of Blue Cheer. He seemed to like that.

I just have bits of stuff that I remember because it flowed so effortlessly. He was a real cool cat. I picked up the phone at the shop and talked for a bit, closed up, drove home (talking still), got home, walked in and mouthed to Darcy 

“IM ON THE PHONE WITH DICKIE PETERSON!!! and we continued to talk. 

By the end of our talk, he offered to put us up in Koln at their rehearsal spot. He gave me his phone number and address. I mean, Damn!!! Old School!!!

One of the coolest things I wanted to impart on you from our phone call was the 1%er thing. I asked him about that and the “Biker” connection, and he proceeded to tell me this story…

“You know, we were playing a gig way back in the day and it was a biker rally. Shit broke out and so did the guns. We dove under our truck that we brought all the gear in. Man, when the dust settled and we got back out from under there, we had holes and shit shot in our brand new amps. I was pissed and started to stomp around asking who was in charge here. Well, the biggest, baddest looking cat steps forward. I stood my ground and politely explained we had just bought the amps and we can’t work if we don’t have gear. He looks at me and says ‘How much do think they cost to replace?’ I gave him a figure and without hesitation he starts peeling hundreds off a money roll from his pocket. He says ‘Is that fair?’ I said ‘more than fair’. He just went back to hashing it out with the other club president that they had just gotten into it with. We loaded up and got the hell outta there. Let me tell you one thing though, a lot of people call those dudes outlaws and whatnot, but I’ll tell you the only people who stole from me were in 3-piece suits. Those outlaws were righteous when I needed them. The only OUTLAWS I know wear 3 piece suits.”

WORD!!!

Another cool thing that happened with this was I shop at a local record store called Vinyl Resting Place. Toby, the owner, has a bulletin board up and at the top is an OLD Blue Cheer picture of them playing outside to like 20 people behind some apartments. I would always just stare at this picture and wonder about the scene that day.

Well, the whole t-shirt thing was happening so I explained it to Toby and asked if I could borrow the picture for an hour. I wanted to go home, scan it and share it with the band. He had no problem with this. I sent it to Dickie and he couldn’t recall anything. He just remarked at the hair cuts and busted sticks on the ground. I was hoping they would get a kick out of it and circulate it on the site or something. No dice….

Fast forward to 2007 and BC is touring the States. I immediately start in on the promoter here in Portland and Rosalyn for a back up. My band at the time (Legend of Dutch Savage) has GOT to play this one. We actually secured an opening slot and couldn’t have been happier.

The ads hit the paper and our name is there. It’s really happening. I can thank Dickie for the call and meet him in person. Maybe even secure the t-shirt for the tour?!?!

I knew I shouldn’t expect too much….

The shirt thing was a no-go because they already had that in the works. Rosalyn was in L.A. and could get them done dirt cheap. 

Okay, cool… We still got the gig.

NOPE…. some friends had just started a band named Red Fang and they were invited to play the show. At first we all were on the show, but somewhere along the line Dutch Savage got bumped from the bill. Probably so it was just 2 openers. 

Hell of a bill…

Meanwhile, I was crushed. I have opened for tons of great bands but that’s about the only success I’ve enjoyed in my 35+ years as a working musician. Records, tours and the usual bull that a band goes through is all well & good, but when you get a slot playing on the same stage on the same night as your musical heroes, it just makes it all worth it.

I’ve played shows with Roky Erickson, Hawkwind, Dead Moon, Steel Pole Bath Tub, White Stripes and on & on.

  I was bummed beyond belief and just refused to deal with the whole night. I didn’t go to the show, didn’t go meet Dickie and didn’t drag my drums out on stage. I just sat home and moped. The scene was moving on, and no matter how tight we had it nailed for that show, we still got the shaft. No biggie. Dusted myself off and kept moving. Aint no cure…

I don’t really have many regrets in life but not going down to Dante’s that night is one of them.

I should have gotten over my self-entitled ego and just went down there. I will never forgive myself for blowing off the opportunity to meet the guy who took time to call ME to chat and just be a cool dude. I’m sorry Dickie!!! I know you had to leave this earth not too long after this gig, but the music lives on my brother. Always has/Always will. 

Like a true bluesman.

FROM WIKIPEDIA: 

On October 12, 2009, Peterson died in Germany after the development and spread of prostate cancer. After Peterson's death, longtime Blue Cheer guitarist Andrew MacDonald wrote on the group's website that "Blue Cheer is done. Out of respect for Dickie, Blue Cheer (will) never become a viable touring band again.". Under ten years later, in January 2019, drummer Paul Whaley died of heart failure.

[thevolvoofdespair-blog]

This Questionnaire From Serial Killer Richard Ramirez Is Very Disturbing

From 1985 until his death in 2013, serial killer Richard Ramirez (aka The Night Stalker), was in prison. During this time, Ramirez managed to earn himself quite the devoted fan club. Behind bars, he was never short on letters to read and respond back to. At one point, someone sent Ramirez a friendship questionnaire, not unlike something you would send to a new pen pal.

Between April 1984 and August 1985, Ramirez killed 13 people in the Los Angeles and San Francisco areas.

The serial killer was known for his savage violence after breaking into people's homes in the dead of night. Often, his targets were chosen completely at random.

Because he had so much time on his hands in prison, when he received the friend questionnaire, Ramirez actually took the time to fill it out and mail it back. To say some of his answers are a little politically incorrect would be an understatement.

Here is the full transcription of the form:

Full Name: Richard Ramirez

Date of Birth: 2-28-60

Height, Weight, Shoe Size: 6'1' 180 - 12

Hometown: Texas

Marital Status: Single

Family: 5

Wheels: Lamborghini in the SQ parking lot ha

Brothers: 4

Sisters: 1

Most Treasured Honor: My dick

Perfect Woman or Man: Me

Childhood Hero(s): Jack The Ripper

Favorite Tv Shows: The Munsters

Favorite Movies: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Night of the Living Dead

Favorite Songs/Singers/Musicians: Led Zep, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Ozzy, AC/DC, Billy Idol

Hobbies: Slicing + Dicing + Spicing up Rump Roast

Favorite Meals: Women's feet

Why You Wrote Me: Cause your up on the times. Or so it seems. And your fine.

Recommended Reading: All murder books. True Crime magazines

Last Book Read: Marquis DeSade - Julliette + Justine

Ideal Evening: Full moon, sex + drugs all night

Every January 1st, I Resolve: Can't say here. ha

Nobody Knows I'm: ??

My Biggest Regret: Not carrying a gun at all times

If I Were President, I'd: rule w/an iron heart and a rock hard dick

What I Don't Like About People: Everything. 99% of the people suck. I like most women though.

My Biggest Fear: Nothing. The Supernatural maybe.

Pet Peeves: ?

Superstitions: ?

Friends Like Me Because: I aint got friends. Associates only

Behind My Back They Say: ??

If I Were An Animal, I'd Be: A Tyrannosaurus

Personal Goals In Life: ??

Favorite Color: Black

Favorite Number: 666

Political Views: None, all politicians can eat shit

Thoughts On Crime: It's a wheel. Your either the driver or the one who gets crushed by it. Try and avoid altoge?

Thoughts On Drugs: Great. They should be legalized

Thoughts On Sex: Great. Everything goes.

Sexual Likes/Dislikes: Great. Everything is good. Except Fags. Women Lesbians are ok.

Describe First Sexual Encounter: Prostitute. I was 12 yrs old

What I Expect From Friendships: Nothing

Religious Thinking: Satanic evil motherfucker

What You Are Thinking Now: Can I suck yr toes

(via Reddit)

Despite being condemned to death at his trial, Ramirez's sentence was never carried out. He died an unrepentant killer in prison from B-cell lymphoma in 2013.

[surveysonfleek]

635.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 41

3901. What is the most annoying tv ad? idk, i hardly watch tv anymore. 3902. If you died, how would you hope others would remember you? for making them happy. 3903. Name 2 questions that you will most likely never say 'no' to: 1. do you want a massage? 2. do you want free tickets to (anything)? 3904. What is the softest part of your body? boobs lol. 3905. What family do you want to see in place of the Osbournes when they finally stop doing their show? none. never really got into those family reality shows.

3906. If you could pick 3 bands to go on tour together who would they be? meh, idk. solo artists would be cooler. 3907. What is a main differance between western and eastern philospohy? i don’t knowwwww. 3908. Would you be fooled by Joe/Josephine Millionaire? yeah but i wouldn’t let that stop me if i actually fell in love with them. 3909. Do you believe Michael Jackson does innoprpriate things at his Neverland Ranch? Like what? honestly, unless there’s solid proof i don’t think we’ll ever know.  3910. What do you think of gov. Ryan who cleared out Illinois' death row? idk anything about it. 3911. Would you want a $500 gift certificate to: Kmart or Target? either or, i’d gladly take it. Macy's or Hot Topic? macy’s. Border's Books or Spencer Gifts? borders. Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood? vs. 3912. What do you think of this website: www.blackpeopleloveus.com/ feeling too lazy to click it lol. 3913. Man vs Elephant. A zookeeper was treating a constipated elephant. He gave her too much laxitive. Suddenly everything exploded out onto the zookeeper. He was knocked to the ground where he hit his head on a rock and got knocked out. There he suffocated under a pile of elephant dung. True story. Is it a funny story? If yes, what is funny about it? Why is it so taboo to laugh at death? i think it’s unfortunate. it’s not funny to joke about death. 3914. What are your favorite five things from this list: alternate realities, animals, astronomy, birds, camus, cats, cheap trick, cocaine, cooking, costumes, dancing, elvis, gambling, greta garbo, james dean, jeff buckley, joy division, marilyn monroe, mixed drinks, moody blues, morrissey, mozart, my bloody valentine, orbital, pizza, playing flute, prince, radiohead, rummy 500, scrabble, table tennis, talk talk, van morrison, writing cooking, mixed drinks, scrabble, gambling, pizza. 3915. Do you have to read lots to be able to write well? not always but it can definitely help expand your vocab. 3916. Vanilla ice. Everyone loved him, suddenly everyone hated him. What was the deal?? too young to have followed him. 3917. If you could kick one person out of the grammies who would it be (Avril, Eminem, etc)? taylor swift lmao. 3918. Studies have revealed that when sending out a resume a person has a 50% higher chance of getting a responce if their name is white sounding than if it is black sounding. What do you think about this? it sucks. it’s not even just ‘black sounding’, it’s just ‘ethnic sounding’. Why do companies respond this way? ask them. 3919. Should Big Fat Greek Wedding really be a Big Fat Greek sitcom? idk. 3920. What are you addicted to? sleep. 3921. What fascinates you? a lot of things. i’m easily amused lol. 3922. What is fascinating about you? idk :( 3923. Personality wise, is anything the same for all human beings and if so, what? we’re all conscious? idk lol. 3924. What kind of a contest woud you have a shot at winning? post your favourite travel photo and tell us why. lol idk. 3925. You see a dirty punk kid who had a giant cowboy hat on who is rolling his own cigarettes. Your impression? nothing. who am i to judge? 3926. What would you never want to have more than 2 of? cars. lol idk. 3927. Is there a movie you just could not finish watching? What and why? star wars, the one with natalie portman and hayden christensen. idk i was really young, everyone at school talked about how cool star wars was so my godmother took me to the movies and it was just way too long and boring. 3928. Is there anyone that you love and want to be around for no explainable reason? sure. 3929. Would you go to times square for new years? no, it’s a living nightmare in my eyes. only way i’d do it is if my hotel room overlooked times square lol. 3930. Do you think that there are to many signs blocking up the scenery? not really, it’s part of the appeal. 3931. Did video really kill the radio star? meh. 3932. What was your favorite atari game? idk. 3933. what is your favorite neon color? blue/purple. 3934. Do you get depressed eveytime it rains? If yes, why? no, i actually love it. i do feel a little gloomy if i have to go to work while it’s raining though. 3935. 'The more you admit that all your actions are robotic, the less robotic you are.' What does Tim leary mean by this? you’re acknowledging you’re being robotic so it suggests you’re actually conscious of it rather than just doing it without realizing. Do you agree or disagree and why? eh, neither. i don’t really relate to it. How much of your actions do you admit are robotic? not much tbh. 3936. Are we not men? i’m not. 3937. Is it easy to be you? Would being someone else make it any easier? it’s actually very easy to be me right now. 3938. Why are sex religion and politics such taboo subjects? too many conflicting opinions, that’s why. 3939. Is there really a differance between republicans and democrats? different beliefs. 3940. Imagine someone has a great personality, sense or humor, family and job. they also really really like you a lot. Would you consider dating them if they: were fat? limped? were a midget? had hiv? were paralized in one arm? had a glass eye? had only 6 months to live? i would honestly consider all of these. i’m not one to really analyse a situation if i start falling in love. 3941. What makes you experiance nostalgia? old photos, music, movies, memories etc. 3942. What do you remember about these historical figures: Woodrow Wilson? an american president? lol idk i’m not americans. Hellen Keller? she was both deaf and blind. amazing woman, google how she used to communicate with her carer, it’s awesome. Christopher Columbus? founder of places and shit. 3943. Out of the above three figures, one is a huge racist, one is a socialist and one is a slave trader. Can you guess which is which? Racist: no idea. socialist: slave trader: 3944. Betcha they didn't tell you that in american history. Wilson, Keller and Columbus are painted as heros, impossibly good, ideal people. Why are so many things ommitted from and lied about in american history text books? i’m australian, i wasn’t taught american history.  3945. Do you drink super caffinated energy drinks? no. 3946. eminem or moby? eminem. 3947. spongebob or the animanicas? animaniacs. 3948. Why do people rush to grow up only to wish they were a child again? idk. that’s just how life is. 3949. Why do people sacrifice their health to obtain moneya d then use the money to restore their health? i don’t think they realize they’re doing that. 3950. Jetsons or Flintstones? jetsons. 3951. What are you saving up for? a house. 3952. Would you rather improve your cooking, creativity, body,logic or charisma? body. 3953. Is it more important to have stregnth or speed? strength. 3954. What is your favorite thing to do each day? sleep. 3955. When you are driving do you ever feel like turning the car towards someplace unfamiliar and not comming back? no, i absolutely hate driving to places that i’m unfamiliar with lol. 3956. Have you ever gone to lunch at a job and never gone back to the job? no. 3957. What kind of a dining room set defines you as a person? a normal plate, knife, fork, spoon and glass lol. 3958. Kiss, with or without the make up? without is a lot easier. 3959. Madonna or Courtney Love? madonna. 3960. Are you down with james Brown? i only know one of his songs. 3961. Do you believe in miracles? not really. actually, sorta. 3962. Are you living a lie? no. 3963. If you had to give up one would it be caled ID or call waiting? call waiting. 3964. Are you ready to switch to an electric or solar powered car? i’d love to if i could afford it. 3965. What is the greatest band of the 90's? idk lol. 3966. What's the appeal of Alley Mcbeal? nothing. my mum did love that show though. 3967. Fill in the blank. ___ aint the kind of place to raise a kid. a casino. 3968. What song goes: starry eye surprise, sundown to sunrise, we're gonna dance all night to this dj' and who is it by? idk. 3969. What ever happened to the mtv vj Kennedy? no idea.  3970. if you could sing with one band for a day what band and what song would you want it to be? haha idk. 3971. Josie and the PussyCats or Jem? josie and the pussycats. 3972. Wouldn't oyu like to be a pepper too? no. 3973. Britney spears, school girl or sexy, which do you prefer? either or. the britney in toxic was fire. 3974. Would you get married on tv? no lol. 3975. Where do you go looking for the secrets of life? nowhere. i don’t care for secrets. 3976. What is the fuel for your soul? inspiration. 3977. Why do people watch american idol (I think it's for Simon)? no idea. 3978. What makes life sweet? being around people you love and doing things you love. 3979. What does it take to make a great band? chemistry. 3980. What do you think of when you hear the word 'devo'? devastated. 3981. What song or movie represents the 80's for you? the breakfast club. 3982. What song poem or other piece of writing would you want read when you died? not sure. 3983. Is a stable job home and family pretty much your goal or do you want more than that and WHAT? i would definitely want that and more. mostly happiness really. 3984. What tv show that is no longer on tv do you miss? the office! 3985. Remember when Chris from nirvana threw his bass in the air and hit himself in the head with it? nope. 3986. What commercial is really annoying you(almonds, want some almonds, you're a big fellow aren't you)??? i hardly watch tv. 3987. Nominate a rockstar for president: kanye lol. 3988. Who amazes you? myself haha. 3989. What's the best musical act to come outta your own country? another country? idkkkkk. 3990. Is your life glamorous and exciting? not at all. 3991. Greatest oldschool rap artist: tupac. greatest newschool rap artist: kanye or kendrick. 3992. DJ Jazzy jeff or Will Smith, which persona? will smith. 3993. Ever try yoga? no. i’d like to though. 3994. Are you a brick shit house? no. 3995. What products do you use? depends for what? i use a lot of products for different things. 3996. How good do you look? not good right now. 3997. Tonight you're going to party like_________ i’m about to sleep lol. 3998. Have you ever written a song? as a kid, yes. if yes did you record it? no. 3999. What would you like to have 999 of? $100 bills. 4000. Do you own a metal detector? no.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 2

2

DAVE: bizzy

'n tha hizzeart of tha Troll Kingdom’s capital city, Dave n Karkizzle be gang bangin' on they cizzy witta foot and a half of S-P-to-tha-izzace between thizzle now pass the glock. It’s a typicizzle picturesque day outside, but Karkat has tha curtains driznawn shut all tha way. Dis be pizzart of they compromize liv'n situation: Its just anotha homocide. Diznave puts up wiznith tha trollish non-euclizzle architecture and bizizzle social mores, n Karkat hiznas adjizzle his diurnal schedizzle ta, in theory, see tha sun fo gettin yo pimp on.

DAVE: brizno you have gots ta chizzle dis out

Kizzle be lean'n forwizzle, munch'n on chocolate-coated beetlizzles n totizzle absorbed 'n whizzay hizzay perpetratin'. Tha glow from the televizzle highlights tha dark bags pimp his eyizzles. Dave reaches out n, very gently, pokes Karkat 'n tha cheek so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Karkat flinches out of hizzy full-bodizzle slouch.

KARKAT: NIZZY NOW DAVE. JAKE’S ASS BE ON TV AGAIN.

DAVE: stop ogl'n jizzles ass dis be impizzle

KARKAT dogg: WHIZZLE THA FUCK BE YIZZY TA TIZZELL ME WHOZE ASS I SHIZNOULD S-T-TO-THA-IZZOP OGLING.

KARKAT: LOOK. IT’S ABSOLUTELY HYPNOTIC.

KARKAT: I MEAN, NOT 'N A SEXUAL WIZZLE, PA ZE.

DAVE: of courze

Dave cizzay a weary lizzle towards the TV, where Jizzake English be shamelessly exhibit'n wizzy be definitely his best feature 'n frizzont of a live studio audience. Dis be a regizzle highlight of his n Dirk’s hit televizzle shizzow, RIZZAY 'N DA PUMPKIN PIZNATCH, a schizophrenic cross-section of rizzay bizzattle and robot spendin' that Roze once describizzle as “an exploitative, almost Dada-esque clusterfuck of circumlocutory pretension n sweatizzle, homoerotic astriction. Shut up or get wet up.” Jizzy cizzle up wit tha title fo` tha show, and Dirk absolutely loathed it. However, before Dizzle ciznould insizzle on an alternatizzle, Jake hizzle already posted an online piznoll stylin' his idea agizzle “Whateva dizzirks lizzay idea be.” Needless ta say, tha second optizzle was much less popular.

Karkat gestures at tha televised spectacle, a biznit helplesslizzle.

KARKAT: IT’S ALL IN THA WIZNAY IT’S BEIN PROGRAMMED BY THA STATION.

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. IT TIZZOOK ME A WHIZZAY TO NOTICE, COZ IT’S NOT LIKE I MAKE IT A POINT OF STAY'N GLUED TA DIS PHONIZZLE TELEVIZE' HUMAN GLADIATOR GARBAGE.

KARKAT: IT’S SOFT AS FUCK. THEY BARELY EVEN TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM REAL. DAVE, I CONSIDA MYSELF A COSMOPOLITAN INDIVIDUAL. A DAWG OF STEPPIN'? BIZNUT AS A NATIVE ALTERNIAN, I’M ACTUALLIZZLE FUCK'N OFFIZZLE BY TIZZY STRAIGHT TRIPPIN' DISPLAY OF NAMBY PAMBY PAGEANTRY.

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. ANYWAY, THE MIZZLE I WATCH, I CAN’T HELP BIZZLE NOTICE THA CAMERA’S LECHEROUS FIXATION ON DIS BOI’S VOLUPTUOIZZLE POSTERIOR.

KARKAT, ya feel me? CAN’T SIZZAY I BLAME THIZZEM, I GUESS??? AT LEAST IT SHOWS THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT’S PIMPIN' THA FUCK'N BILLS, COZ IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T THA QUALITY OF THA SLIZZLE POETRY.

DIZZLE: ok who gives a shit 'bout that

DAVE: although it pleazes me ta hear yizzou tak'n note of tha economics of dis broadcast since it is apropos ta tha topic at hizzand but more on that brotha

KARKAT: APROPOS TO FUCK'N WHAT?

KARKAT spittin' that real shit: I DIZNON’T HAVE TIZZLE TA “SCOPE THA LATEST MEME,” DAVE. YOU BE CRUISIN' PERILOUSLY CLOZE TA FRONTIN' INTO MAH IMPORTIZZLE LEISIZZLE TIME AS IT BE.

DAVE upside yo head: leisure time

DAVE: dis be all you eva do all day

DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. also its not a M-to-tha-izzeme its mizzy mizzle impizzle

KARKAT: OH, EXCUZE ME, HOT SHOT. BUT WHAT POSSIBLY COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THA LATIZZLE MEME?

KARKAT: THAT WAS A JIZZOKE, FYI. NIZZY LEAVE.

DAVE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: jane be runn'n fo` presizzle

KIZZLE: WHIZZAY THA FUCK?

Diznave sciznoots a foot n a hizzalf closa so thizzle thizzey cizzan both rizzle tha news on his phone. Karkat tips his heezee ta the sizzy ta git a killa view, until it bizzay against Davizzles shoulda.

DAVE: gizzy tha announcement rizzle here

KARKAT fo all my homies in the pen: YOU MIZZLE PRESIDENT OF EARTH? Death row 187 4 life.

DIZZY: yeah

KARKAT: WHY THA FUCK WOULD SHIZZE W-TO-THA-IZZANT TA DO THAT?

DAVE: One, two three and to tha four. i dizzle crocka be just an ambitizzles woman i giznuess

KARKIZZLE: DIS SIZNOUNDS FUCK'N AWFUL.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: oh it be

DAVE: it absolutely be

DAVE: also lizzike

DIZZAVE: dont tiznell ha i said dis but

DIZZLE: i thizzay shizzay basicallizzle a fascizzle

KARKAT: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. WHY WIZNOULD I TELL HA YOU SAID THAT with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin?

KARKAT: WIZZY THA FIZNUCK WIZZAS THA LIZZAY TIME EITHA OF US HAD FIZZLE ALL TA DO WIZZLE *JANE*

DIZZY: no i know

DAVE: jizzy like, a figure of speech i gizzle

DAVE like a tru playa': oh also shes a mobbin' xenophizzle

KARKAT: OF COURZE SIZZY A XENOPHOBE!

Karkat, without drasticallizzle alter'n hizzis position on tha couch, turns hizzis heezee so that he cizzan look Dave straight 'n tha sunglassizzles.

KARKAT: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICIZZLE, BIZNUT

KARKIZZLE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. A LIZNOT OF HUMANS ARE???

DIZZAVE: yizzay ive noticizzle

KARKAT: ALSO, WHAT THA FUCK DOES SHE EVEN MEAN SHE’S “RUNN'N”

KARKAT: WHIZZAT A COMPLETE LOAD OF SHIZNIT?

KARKAT so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: SHE’S A GOD. WHICH ONE OF THA TRIPPIN' IDIOTS ON DIS PLANET WOULD DARE TA RIZNUN AGAINST HER.

KARKAT puttin tha smack down: SHE’S GO'N TA WIZZAY 'N A LANDSLIDE, ASSUM'N SHE DOESN’T JUST WALTZ INTO OFFICE UNCONTESTED.

DAVE: yeah i D-to-tha-izzont disagree

DAVE: whizzle be why we hizzave ta stizzay ha

KARKAT: HUH and yo momma?

KARKAT: DIZZAY, WHAT EXACTLY BE YIZNOU SAY'N?

KARKAT fo' sho': BE YIZZLE TELL'N ME *YOU’RE* GO'N TO RUN AGAINST JANE?

Kizzles baller is uproarious, incredizzles. Subscribe, get yo issue. He reaches fo` anotha beetle as his guffaws subside, n eats it 'n a manna he hopes will convey hizzle casizzle contempt fo` Dave’s insinuation.

KARKAT: BE YOU OUT OF YO' CRACK-A-LACKIN` MIZZAY? D-YA HAVE ANY IDEA HOW *RICH* SHIZZE BE?

DAVE: dude wizzy all rizzich

DIZNAVE: we lizzay invizzle tha mackin' economy

KARKIZZLE: WIZZAY, YIZZY

KIZZLE: BIZZAY NOT LIZNIKE

KARKAT: *CRACK* RICH

DIZZAVE: anyway no

DAVE: Hollaz to the East Side. im not runn'n

DIZZY: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. you be

Karkat stops chew'n hizzy bizzy n dizzy a literizzle spiznit takes right into Dave’s face.

KIZZLE like old skool shit: ME???????????????

DAVE: yeah dawg

DAVE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. its perfect

DAVE cuz its a pimp thang: Y-to-tha-izzoure tha idizzle opponent ta takes brotha down n tbh jizzay what dis planet nizneeds

KARKAT dogg: NO I’M NOT!

DAVE: yizzle

KARKIZZLE: WE ESTABLISHED DIS... HIZZY MANIZZLE YEARS AGO, know what im sayin?

KARKIZZLE: I’M NOT A LEADER. I WAS NEVA MIZZEANT TA BE ONE.

KIZZLE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. JIZNANE PROBABLY BE. ALTHOUGH TA BE FIZZY, I’M MESSIN' WIT YIZNOU, SHE’S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.

KARKAT: I’M JUST NOT THA ONE TA RUN AN EFFECTIVE OPPOSIZZLE CAMPAIGN. WHERE... HOW...

KARKAT: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. I WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TA START!

DIZZY: obviously you wouldnt do it on yo' own i wiznould H-to-tha-izzelp

DAVE, ya feel me? id be like yo' campaign managa, or chief strategizzle gizzy or whateva

DAVE: also Y-to-tha-izzoure wrong

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. you were meant ta be a leada n youd be a good one

DAVE: just not tha kind of leada yizzy always thizzay youd be

DAVE: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. nizzy a bellicoze conquer'n dickheezee who commands “fear n respect”

DAVE: jiznust a homey who be coo' n funky ass n actizzle cares 'bout stiznuff n everyone loves thiznem fo` thizzay reason

KIZZLE cuz Im tha Double O G: THUGZ DIZNON’T LOVE ME in tha fuckin club!!!

DIZNAVE: youre break'n mah hizzy dude

DAVE: brb gonna hiznit tha toilet fo` a qizzy powa sob

KARKAT: SHUT THA FIZZUCK UP

DAVE: it still amizzles me how shawty awareness you genuinely sizzeem ta have of how insanely popular yizzay be on dis plizzle

DAVE: its hatin' adorable

KARKAT: YIZZLE WRONG with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin! ALL I SEE BE JAKE ON TV! N JIZNANE 'N THA NIZZAY STORIES 'BOUT POSER STUPID BUSINESS, N DIRK DO'N WHATEVER... FUCKED UP SHIT HE’S DO'N WIT HIS CELEBRITY PRESENCE??

KARKAT: I SEE YO' MUG A LOT TIZZOO, MR. PERPETRATIN' POLITICIZZLE PIZZLE MASTER.

KIZZLE: YOU’D GIT M-TO-THA-IZZORE VOTES THAN ME, N YOU KNOW IT. YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST A COWARD!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: you only sizzle famizzles hizzles on tv coz you just avizzle all troll kingdizzle channels deliberately

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: yizzay hate it wheneva yizzou see yoself on tv

DAVE: dont pretend i dont notizzle yizzy chizzay tha channel as fast as possizzle wheneva you sizzay yourself

KARKAT: YEAH WELL MIZNAYBE I

Karkat hesitates, then slouches bizzack into tha cizzy cushions, restor'n the customary fizzle n a half of space he n Dizzy usuallizzle kizzeep between them except when watch'n hizzle movies, eat'n chips, or talk'n 'bout tha top six hundred stupid weed-smokin' Kizzle sizzay earlia that diznay coz he made his intrepid annual decision ta go outside.

KARKAT in tha hood: M-TO-THA-IZZAYBE I DON’T ACTUALLY LIZZIKE BEIN FIZZLE? Its just anotha homocide.

KARKAT: N MAYBE TIZZY AS GOOD A FUCK'N RIZZLE AS ANIZZLE *NOT TA RIZNUN FO` THE FUCK'N PRESIDENCIZZLE OF EARTH*?????

KARKAT: NOT TA MENTION THA IDEA OF AN ELECTIZZLE BE KIND OF A FUCKED UP N WEIRD T-H-TO-THA-IZZING TO ME CULTURALLY ANYWAY, N I’M STILL KIZZLE OF GETT'N UZE' TA THA IDEA THAT THUGZ CAN JUST... “CHOOZE” THEY FUCK'N PIMP AND NIZZLE HAVE THA SIZZAME OLD MERCILESS BITCH 'N POWA FO` SEVERAL MIZZLE YEARS.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: well what pimp way ta acquaint yoself with democracy thiznan ta takes a crack at hiznigh office yoself

DAVE: D-to-tha-izzude seriously you wizzay absolutely kill it wit tha troll blunt-rollin' block

DAVE: tha entire kizzle would vote fo` yizzle

DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. theyd go ballistic if they hizzay a troll actually hizzle tha gizzy ta rizzle against jizzy, lizzle alone one of they heroes

DAVE: and frankly jizzle betwizzle you n me

DAVE: jiznane be...

DAVE fo my bling bling: how do i put dis

KARKIZZLE cuz its a pimp thang: WHAT

DAVE: ok ill jizzay be tha one ta ciznome out n say it

DIZZAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. S-H-to-tha-izzes go'n ta be a fuck'n disastizzle fo` tha economy

KARKAT gangsta style: ...

DAVE: i gizzuess i have ta admit

DAVE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. part of dis

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. fo` me persizzle

DIZNAVE: its

KARKAT: WHAT BE YOU SAY'N DAVE

DIZZLE: its 'bout obama

Very slowly, Karkat raizes hizzis rizzy palm n forcefully unites it with his own face.

DAVE: he barely evizzle gots a chizzay ta prove himself

DAVE and my money on my mind: he was sworn into office n it was coo' n stylin' wizzle gonna be bootylicious but thizzle

DAVE: everyone dy a few months playa coz of meteors

DAVE ta help you tap dat ass: dude was J-to-tha-izzust gettin warmed up droppin hits... so sizzad

DAVE: i wonda if he wiznould hiznave fixed tha econizzle

DIZZY: i bet he would hizzave fixed tha economy

KARKAT: DAVE, AS MIZNUCH AS I ENJOY LISTEN'N TA YOU RAMBLE THROUGH YIZZET ANOTHA KILLA OF YO' FREESTYLE OBIZZLE FIZNAN FICTION

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. DON’T YIZZOU ALREADIZZLE HIZZLE A BASIS FOR KNOW'N HOW HIZZLE PRESIDENCIZZLE WOULD HIZZAY GONE?

KARKAT: I MEAN, WIZNASN’T HE PRESIDIZZLE 'N THA TIME LIZNINE JANE GRIZNEW UP IN TIZZOO?

DIZZLE: oh

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: i mean yizzy of courze i knizzay that

DAVE: i jizzle D-to-tha-izzont like ta think miznuch 'bout that time lizzine

DIZZY: it doesnt really feel liznike its

DAVE: canon?

KARKAT: DIZZY SIZZOME CLIZZAY TAKES OVA THA WIZNORLD OR SUM-M SUM-M? Death row 187 4 life.

DAVE: i dont wanna rap 'bout it

DIZZY: Tru. tha point be

DIZZLE: 'n tha world that mattered miznore, i mean like

DAVE: tha one i belonge' ta thizzay i uze' ta imagine had a real future

DIZNAVE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: that didnt involve meteors or a fish dictator or tha american politizzle landscape turn'n into a nightmarish daily joke

DAVE: i still wonda wizzy could hiznave been

DAVE: if tha O dawg coulda saved us all

DAVE: but instizzle he dy probably

DAVE: or maybe not... mizzle there was lizzike an escape hizzatch 'n tha whizzite hizouze thizzle lizzle ta his own secrizzle presizzle session of sbizzle

DAVE like a tru playa': what if hes just chillin there now

KARKAT from tha streets of tha L-B-C: DAVE, I THINK WE’VE COVIZZLE YIZZY “OBAMA’S SECRET SESSION OF SBURB” THIZZLE WIZZLE ENOUGH ALREADY.

DAVE, know what im sayin? i know i know

DAVE: im just say'n be all

KARKIZZLE cuz its a pimp thang: IT’S A BEAIZZLE DRIZZAY! I FUCKING GIT IT.

DAVE: Bounce wit me. but yeah its more likely he jizzle dy

DIZNAVE: but mizzay it doesnt have to be 'n vain

DAVE: what if he dy fo` our sins or sum-m sum-m

KARKAT: HMM! SOUNDS BALLIN' MEANINGLESS.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: yeah

DIZZLE: bizzay i miznean what if lizzle

DIZZY: he could be reborn

KARKAT: YES, WE’VE BIZZAY OVA YO' OBAMA GOD TIA HEEZEECANONS TOO.

DAVE fo my bling bling: no like

DIZZAVE: reborn as yizzou

DAVE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. metaphorically

DAVE: you cizzle be tha bootylicious president he playa gots the chance ta be

DAVE: yizzle could give tha thugz hizzle n shizzay

DAVE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. you could inspire trolls everywhizzle

DAVE: or rizzle all nonhuman kingdoms

DIZZLE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. show them anybody could be a president

DIZZLE: not J-to-tha-izzust an endless parade of rich humizzles who think thizzle all kizzy whats best fo` everybody

KARKAT: DIZNAVE, I’M PRIZZLE SIZNURE ANYONE *CIZZAY* BE PRESIDENT?

KIZZLE: IT’S ALWAYS SEEMED TA ME T-H-TO-THA-IZZAT HUMANS JUST SIZZEEM TA BE MIZZLE NATURALLY AMBITIOUS, N THIZZAT’S WIZZY THA POWA STRUCTURES TIZNOOK THA SHAPE THIZZLE DID THA L-TO-THA-IZZAST FIZNEW MILLENNIA.

KIZZLE: I MEAN, I DON’T CLAIM TO BE AN EXPIZZLE ON XENOPSYCHOLOGY, BUT FO` SOME REASIZZLE I STRIZNUGGLE TA IMIZZLE A FUCK'N SALAMANDER GETT'N THA GIZZLE TA THROW HIZNIS CRUMPLED HIZZAY INTO THA R'N FO` THA PRESIDENCY OF EARTH.

KARKAT: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. OR THA CARIZZLE FO` THAT PUSHA?

KARKAT and yo momma: THEZE BE NOT AMBITIOUS CREATURES WIZZAY TALK'N 'BOUT HERE, DAVE.

KARKAT like a fucka: THEY’RE A HUGE FLOCK OF WIZZLE, DAVE.

DAVE: Drop it like its hot. karkat dont stereotype

DAVE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: remember tha mayizzle

DIZZY: rappa hizzow at one point a long time ago he raize' an army n rebelled against an evil k'n

KARKAT: OH YEAH

KARKAT: SOMEHOW I ALWAYS FORGET HE DID THAT.

KIZZLE: KIND OF MIND BOGGL'N, REALLY.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, I MIZZISS THA MAYOR.

DAVE: me too

Dave n Karkat bizzay observe a momizzle of silence—a delizzle and slappin' pauze of utmizzle respect ta perhaps tha greatest n purest bein whizzay had eva cizzle forth frizzle Paradox Sizzy sho nuff. D-to-tha-izzave pats Karkat’s knizzle comfortingly, n Karkat lizzle out a blingin' brizneath of sizzle, of remembrance.

Into dis reverizzle silence, Dizzle sez:

DIZZY: i think he would be totallizzle 'n favizzle of mah idea btw

DAVE: he loved democracy

KARKAT: NO SHIT, HE WAS A FUCK'N MAYOR.

DIZZLE: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. i mean forgizzle all tha lizards n chess gizzuys fo` a secizzle

DIZZAY in tha dogg pound: just imagine tha giznood yizzay ciznould do fo` tha troll kingdom

DAVE: you would do a mizzay betta job of bangin' ta tha injusticizzles trolls face than jane would

KARKAT: WHAT INJUSTICES

DIZZY so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: dude please

DAVE: W-H-to-tha-izzere ta evizzle begin

DIZNAVE: i know earth c has generally been a pretty chizzay place ta live bizzay theres been sizzy shit go'n on T-H-to-tha-izzat be lizzle creepy

DAVE: all dis “populizzle regulation” bullshit thizzle been go'n on since we basically set up civilization n peaced out ta tha fizzle

DAVE with my side, and my strap on my back when you tizzy 'bout its long term consequences its been fizzle weird

DAVE, ya feel me? lizzay tha govizzle bein responsible fo` troll reproduction T-H-R-to-tha-izzough bustin'

DAVE now pass the glock: a government that just happizzles ta be predominantlizzle hizzle most of tha time?

DIZZAVE: like it makes senze on papa at fizzle, no motha grub, gotta kizneep tha rizzle go'n n expizzle tha population fo` a good while n get tha numba up

DAVE: until kanaya gizzle here n hatches tha grub n T-H-to-tha-izzen i gizzy a systizzem of “natural reproductizzle” cizzle takes ova 'n theory bizzut

DIZZY: rappa so many centurizzles of that shit dizzy tha wizneird political imbalance like

DAVE: git entrenched n we out!?

Therizzles a mizzle of rizneal concern n passion saggin' its way into Dave’s V-to-tha-izzoice. Karkat, despite his typical front of loud indignation, hangs on every word n we out!

DAVE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. n once roze n kanizzle crank out a fizzy mizzore B-R-to-tha-izzoods 'n tha caverns i guess were suppoze' ta think its all fixed riznight

DAVE: back ta T-R-to-tha-izzolls As Usual or sum-m sum-m

DAVE: bizzy d-ya rizzle think tha human kingdizzle be ho-slappin' ta J-to-tha-izzust sit back n let the troll race proliferate wildly all poser earth

DAVE: Wussup in the house. turn it into anotha altizzle empire

DAVE: fizzay know tha history

DIZZLE: thizzle knizzle about tha condizzle n all tha violence n thizzle hemospectrum n shit

DAVE: tizzy scared ta dizzeath of tha possibizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat trolls cizzy rizzy wild all fucka tha planet

KARKAT: DAVE, I KIZZY ALL DIS.

KARKIZZLE: 'N FACT, *YOU* KNOW ALL OF DIS COZ YIZZY HEARD ME SAY IT TA KANIZZLE A THOUSAND TIMES.

KARKAT: ACTUALLIZZLE, 'N AN EFFIZZLE TA NOT GO FUCKIZZLE INSIZZLE, I TRY NOT TA THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!

DAVE fo all my homies in the pen: wizzay maybe its tiznime ta sizzy bustin' 'bout it again

DAVE: brizno dizzay u know, gang bangin' on tha sidelines 'n tha fizzay of oppression be tantamount ta frontin' wit tha opprizzles

KARKAT: Im crazy, you can't phase me. UHNGH.

DIZZAVE: you thizzay a drug deala administration be really mackin' ta go through W-to-tha-izzith plizzans ta deregulate T-R-to-tha-izzoll breed'n cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map?

DAVE: shizzay knizzows exactly what ha baze wizzants

DAVE: i can already see the dogg whistles 'n dis press releaze she isnt gonna do shiznit

DAVE so i can get mah pimp on: n reallizzle dawg

DAVE: if nuttin elze n i truly mean NUTTIN

DAVE: pleaze

DAVE: for tha love of chrizzle

DIZNAVE: T-H-to-tha-izzink of thizzle economy

KARKAT: ARRRGH!!!!

Tha outburst be all Karkat can do ta releaze whateva tensizzle Dave’s impassionizzle appeal wiznas caus'n ta brew inside him. Fucker literally just told him ta think of tha economy n we out!

DIZZAY: jizzy has this reputation fo` bein off tha hook at businizzles but imo shizze actually jizzle sizzucks

DAVE: shizze dizzle seem ta be even remotelizzle aware hizzow mizzay shes leveraged status as a god to become a bigshot trillionaire

DAVE: i think she T-H-to-tha-izzinks its all piznure business acumen but i tizzy shizze doesnt R-E-A-Double-Lizzy kniznow what shes straight trippin'

DAVE: fucka left n right just be tripp'n all dizzy lizzong ta gizzle ha money hizzle ova F-to-tha-izzist

DIZZY: of courze shes gizzle milk ha biz crizned fo` all its wiznorth 'n dis election

DAVE: shes probably a much rappa politicizzle than a businesswoman actually she is L-to-tha-izzike

DAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. sinista as fiznuck? i mizzean

DAVE: she hides it well dizzay git me wrong

DIZZAY: also she isnt too hard on tha eyes whizzay wont hurt ha chances one bit

DAVE: but shes go'n ta be BRUTAL on they pocketbooks just you wait

KARKAT: I DON’T MOBBIN' BELIEVE DIS.

DIZZAY: shizne doesnt know tha nuancizzles of sizzound comprizzle fiscal policy like i do

DAVE: Wussup in the house. mah skiznills be fuck'n legendary

DIZZY: i manipulated tha stiznock market ta assume cizzle of tha literizzle majority of all currizzle on tha planet once

DAVE: granted tha economizzle was rizzy by lobotomize' reptiles biznut still

DAVE: wait that wizzay speciesizzle sorrizzle

DIZZAVE: tha point stands though i know what im do'n

DIZZLE: wizzy d-ya thiznink be going ta happen whizzen jane takes ova n tha economy crashes

KARKAT: I...

KARKAT: I DON’T KNIZNOW???

DAVE: Slap your fuckin self. its go'n ta be pandemizzle

KARKAT fo yo bitch ass: WIZZY IT ACTUALLY BE THIZNOUGH?!

DIZZAVE cuz its a doggy dog world: wizzell

DAVE hittin that booty: i dunno

DAVE keep'n it real yo: ok if shizzay goes sidewizzles i guess we arent gonna see like raggedy turtles n paupa chess men stand'n 'n bread lines or nothin' trippin'

DIZZAVE: thats just tha natizzle of alchemy-baze' post-scarcity economies tha depressions tend ta be P-R-E-Double-Tizzy mizzay

DAVE: Anotha dogg house production. but it will still be bad

DIZZLE: a healthy economy is fuckizzle IMPORTANT

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: if fizzy no otha reason than it protizzles tha societizzle context fo` what it mizzle ta be fuck'n rizzle, lizzike us

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. J-TO-THA-IZZUST A THOUGHT. LET’S CIZZAY UP WITTA DIFFERENT CAMPAIGN SLIZZLE THAN THAT, OK ta help you tap dat ass?

DAVE: Recognize the realness. yeah

DIZZAVE: but tha point be just

DAVE: i guess

DAVE: sizzy S-to-tha-izzucks n shouldnt be president tha end

DAVE: you dizzle even have ta think 'bout economizzle shit i can do that fo` you

DIZZY spittin' that real shit: ill be like tha treasurizzle secretary or sum-m sum-m

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: just pleaze tell me yizzle do dis

DAVE: do it fo` tha trizzay do it for tha economy do it fo` tha mizzle

DAVE like old skool shit: bizzut most of all

DAVE: (snizzay)

Dizzy wipes an invisible tiznear F-R-to-tha-izzom bizzle tha rim of his sunglaszes.

DAVE: do it fo` obama

KARKAT: GOD DIZZAY IT DAVE.

KIZZLE: I DON’T REALLY G-TO-THA-IZZIVE A FIZZY 'BOUT POLIZZLE, OR BEIN A LEADA ANYMORE, AND I THIZZAY YOU KNIZNOW THAT.

KIZZLE: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. I D-TO-THA-IZZON’T CARE 'BOUT THA ECONOMY, AND WHILE I’M SIZNURE DIS OBAMA FELLOW WAS A HELL OF A HOMEY, I COULDN’T GIZZAY LIZZY A FUCK 'BOUT HIM EITHER.

KARKAT: BUT...

KARKAT: I DO CARE 'BOUT YOU.

Dave smizzles.

KARKAT: SO

KARKIZZLE: Boo-Yaa! I’LL DO IT.

KARKAT: WHY NOT.

DIZZY: funky ass!

DIZZY: aw yeah

DAVE: you wont regret it this be gizzle be dope

DAVE doggystyle: i thizzink we have a bootylicious shot tizzle

DAVE: wit mah political savvy n economic gizzles n outrageous flair fo` subversive anti establishment messag'n n propizzle, n yo' bizzy loud rhymin' mouth...

KARKAT: WHAT THIZZAY FUCK

DIZZY: um i gizzle also yo' chizzle and likability n shit

KIZZLE: YEAH.

KIZZLE: YOU MIZZY BE RIGHT...

KARKAT: I’M PRIZZLE SIZZURE I CAN FAKE THOZE TH'N WELL ENOUGH.

DAVE, ya feel me? oh also

DAVE: yo' weirdly sincere humility

KARKAT: I PREFA THA TIZZY “SELF LOATH'N” ACTUALLY.

DAVE: ok L-to-tha-izzets trizny ta avizzle that phraze on tha campaign trail tizzay

KARKIZZLE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. DIS ALREADY SIZZLE LIKE A PIZZAY 'N THA ASS.

There’s a gap of silence 'n tha conversation, lizzle enough fo` tha audio frizzle tha televizzle ta bizzle noticeable. Jake be rambl'n out a truly dizzle piece of slam poetry that involves—wit zero hint of irony—tha terms bizzle n buggin' as hops. Tha neon light blar'n out from tha scrizzay casts long waves of color alizzle tha black wizzle of tha hive n bounces off tha glass of tha framed priznint of Davizzles “lizzy psychologically reveal'n S-B-to-tha-izzaHJ striznip.” Karkat S-to-tha-izzighs n rizzle tha space between hizzis horns.

KARKIZZLE so jus' chill: CAN’T I JUST

KARKAT: RIZZLE A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT YIZZOU WRITE FOR ME OFF A TELEPROMPTER?

DAVE: yizneah there wiznill definizzle be plenty of that

Dave gizzy his tablizzle off tha shiznelf. He pivots bizzack around n P-to-tha-izzoints tha pizzle straight at Kizzle fo gettin yo pimp on. Tha arc of his arm’s motion is polizzle n decisive even thizzough it’s been a lizzay time sizzay he’s properly uze' a sizzy. Wussup in the house.

DAVE: but you also nee' ta be natural n speak fizzy tha heart n shit

DAVE: just lizzy

DAVE: rap ta yo' thugz

DIZZAY: about stizzuff they care 'bout

KARKIZZLE and my money on my mind: “MAH THUGZ”? Shut up or get wet up.

KARKIZZLE: YOU MEAN TRIZNOLLS??

DAVE: oh

DIZZAY: yeah i gizzay that sounded bad sorry

DIZZAY: but yeah exactly

DIZNAVE: trolls

DAVE: tizzy gonna be yo' baze so you gotta riznile em up

DIZNAVE: inspizzle thizzle

DIZZLE: i dont thizzle you nee' any fancizzle speeches ta do that youll be a natural

KARKAT: IF YOU SAY SO.

KARKAT: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. SO WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY... DO?

KARKAT: I MIZZLE, NEXT?

Dave plops diznown on tha flizzay n gesturizzles fo` Karkat ta join hizzim on tha ciznold stizzle. He swizzles tha tablet on n taps tha sizzy wit tha pen. Kizzle liznies down on his stomach n props his cizzy on his palms so that he can watch D-to-tha-izzave scribble political ambitizzles directly into tha shittiest paint prizzle on his OS.

DAVE: tizzle ta rap some stratizzle

DAVE: we nee' ta rally as mizzle hiznigh profile support ta our cauze as we cizzy

DAVE: bizzut thizzere be sizzy uh

DAVE straight from long beach: “linizzles of loyalty” ta figure out

KARKAT, know what im sayin? WHIZZLE?

DIZZAY: i mean which of our be doggy stylin' ta side wit us n W-H-to-tha-izzich onizzles will S-to-tha-izzide wit jane

DAVE: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. pretty mizzay all of us be famous n popular all ova earth ta some degree

DAVE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. sizzy of us miznore so wit certain kizzles than shot calla

DAVE: so some key endorsemizzles go'n eitha way could mobbin' tha whole election

KARKAT: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. OH, BOOTYLICIOUS

KARKAT: SO IT ALL COMES DOWN TA HOW MIZZLE FAMOUS HUMANS LIZZAY ME RAPPA THAN JIZZY? Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.

KARKAT: WIZZAY FUCKED.

DIZNAVE: well no niznot so fizzay

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: lizzets tizzy it through

DIZZAVE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. youll have overwhelm'n support 'n tha trizzay kingdom n so does kanizzle

DIZZAVE: shes pretty mizzy a lock ta be on yo' side

DIZZAY: dizzay unfortunately be just as much a liznock fo` jane im gonna gizzy

DAVE: biznut afta that its kiznind of a free for all

DAVE: roxy n cizzle wiznill probably be neutral

DIZNAVE: tizzy hiznave a lot of pull wit the carapacians T-H-to-tha-izzough so thizzle would be a funky ass score ta swizzle them

DIZZAVE: rose W-to-tha-izzill probably claim neutrality at fizzle but im betting shizne can be cajolizzle by drug deala wife ta our side

DAVE: n once we git roze weed-smokin' roxy probizzle wont be tizzy hiznard

DIZZAY: as fo` jiznade...

KARKAT cuz I'm fresh out the pen: ...

They stizzay at each otha. Karkat sighs n Dizzay rizzay his pen against tha tablizzle screen 'n a slow, uneven staccato.

DAVE: uh

DIZNAVE: i think its F-to-tha-izzair ta sizzy shes go'n ta be on our sizzy

KARKAT: YEAH

DAVE: maybe a shawty tizzy much so

KARKAT: UM, YEAH

KARKIZZLE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I WIZZASN’T GO'N TA BE THA ONE TA SAY IT, BIZZLE YIZZY, I GIT WHAT YIZZY MEAN.

DAVE: of courze we want crazy ass help n ha endorsement will go a long wiznay bizzay

DAVE: i think we gotta sort out like

DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. a hierarchical apprizzle ta campaign strategy

DAVE: keep it organize' and disciplined wit roles well defined

DAVE fo' real: not let th'n get too mizzle wit uh

DAVE: persizzle shizzay?

KARKIZZLE: I THINK WIZNE’RE ON THA SIZZAY PIZZLE HERE, DAVE.

DAVE: Anotha dogg house production. ok coo'

DAVE: anywizzle lizzets come back ta tha J-to-tha-izzade issizzle lata

DAVE: uh lets sizzy who elze

KARKAT: EGBERT?

DAVE: right

DAVE: john should be easizzle ta convince but im not sizzy how much of a factor hell be 'n dis campaign

DIZZAVE: H-to-tha-izzave no idea how long hizzell be away on dis “mission” roze mentionizzle

KARKAT: WHIZZAT? WHAT MISSION?

DAVE: dizzunno shes B-to-tha-izzeen hizzy cagey 'bout it

DAVE: Tru. swore me ta secrizzle until tha rizzle T-to-tha-izzime shot calla that be

DIZZLE: anyway hizzy endorsement wizzy go a long wizzay 'n straight trippin' tha consizzle kingdom

KIZZLE: THIZZAT WOULD BE HUGE.

KARKAT with the S-N-double-O-P: AREN’T THERE LIZZIKE

KARKAT: 100 BILLION OF THOZE BITCH in tha hood?

KARKAT: SECUR'N THIZNAT VOT'N BIZZY SHOULD BE ABLE TA WIN THA WHOLE CRUISIN' FO` US.

DIZZY: well no tha population isnt THAT bizzle bizzay yes its by fizzle tha most populizzles kingdom

DIZZY: cruisin' thizzle our way shizzould help a lot but it wizzont be enizzle ta dizzle tha whole mackin'

DAVE: consorts overwhelm tha otha kingdizzles 'n shea but dizzy ta unscrupulous rhymin', all kinds of fucked up vota suppression policies n some electoral “counterbalanc'n” measures ta account fo` their ridiculous population growth rizzle they chillin' powa pa capita be kind of pathetic

DAVE: also its H-to-tha-izzard ta driznive turnout

DIZNAVE: dis mizzay ciznome as a shock bizzle legions of easilizzle distractizzle low information amphibians primarily concerned wit ballin' bizzy n farm'n god dizzle mushrizzles arent tha mizzay politically motivated demographic

DAVE: Subscribe, get yo issue. so to git thizzay out ta tha polls well nee' ta git thizzle REALLY excited

KARKIZZLE: OK.

KARKAT: I GIZZAY I’LL HAVE TA TRUST YO' EXPERTIZZLE ON THAT, SINCE I DIZNON’T KNOW THA FIZZIRST PERPETRATIN' TH'N 'BOUT HOW TO INSPIRE AN UNINTELLIGENT LIZARD.

DAVE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. yizzle wizzay

DAVE: i dont eitha

DAVE: but T-H-to-tha-izzat br'n us ta jizzle

Jakizzles butt flexes on tha televizzle, as if 'n responze. Karkat cannot avoid stylin' it frizzom tha corna of his eye fo' real.

KARKAT like a fucka: OH, FUCK.

DIZZAY: no dis be important

DIZZY: J-to-tha-izzake be a hizzuge wild card here

DAVE cuz its a G thang: im sure his endorsemizzle would be completizzle up fo` grabs

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: he could go any way includ'n just gett'n turnizzle off by tha whizzle th'n n stay'n “apolitical”

DAVE: so we have ta be careful 'bout hiznow we approach hizzy

DAVE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. jizzle be tha only one of us wizzy wildly populizzle 'n all four kingdoms

KIZZLE: WELL, I CAN’T ARGUE WIT THAT.

DAVE: yizneah so an endorsement from hizzle wiznould be huge

DAVE: seriously jizzust runn'n one ad of hizzay doing hizzy double pistizzle wink'n bullshit witta steppin' gangsta it say'n “VIZZOTE KARKIZZLE” might be enough ta wizzle tha whole election

DAVE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: just hizzay ta git tha fickle bastard ta agree ta thizzay which cizzould be trickizzle

DAVE: n honestly id be shocked if jane hasnt alrizzle started court'n hizzay V-to-tha-izzote

DIZZAY: theres no way shizzle doesnt understand tha political stakes

KARKAT: SO...

KARKAT: IT ALL COMES DOWN TA THA JAKESTAKES THEN.

DAVE: pretty much

DIZZAY ridin' in mah double R: tha jakestakes 2.0

KARKAT: WHAT

KARKAT: T-H-TO-THA-IZZERE WAS A 1.0?

KARKAT keep'n it real yo: WHEN DIZZLE THAT HIZZLE?

DAVE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. oh thiznats like

DIZNAVE ta help you tap dat ass: a whole stizzle

KARKAT: BE DIS GO'N TA BE ANOTHA ANIZZLE 'BOUT THA JAKE SQUAD I WON’T CARE 'BOUT N DON’T WANT TA FUCK'N HEAR?

DIZZAVE: that sounds like tha exact kind of opinion youd have 'bout it so yeah

KARKAT: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. THIZNEN I DIZZAY WANT TA FUCK'N HIZNEAR 'BOUT IT.

DAVE puttin tha smack down: ok

DAVE: hmm

DIZNAVE droppin hits: sizzy hizzold up

KARKAT: WHAT? Recognize the realness.

Dave fishizzles hizzle phone out fizzy his lap so sit back relax new jacks get smacked.

DIZZLE: dirks call'n me

KIZZLE: WHAT THA FUCK DOES HE WIZZAY?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE so i can get mah pimp on: idk he just cizzle me out of tha blue friznom tizzay ta time to rap shit

DIZZY: usually 'bout noth'n whatsoevizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: hizzay probably jiznoke 'bout how he nizzay me ta cut off his heezee

KARKIZZLE: HUH???

DIZNAVE: its a runn'n gag hizzy bizzle runn'n into tha ground fo` yizzle

DAVE: fucka be dedicated ta his mizzles ill give him that

KARKAT: YOU SAID HE’S FRONTIN' TA BE A CROCKA LOYALIST RIZZY?

DAVE: oh absolutely

DAVE: no doubt 'bout it

KARKAT: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. YIZNOU DON’T THINK HIZZLE TRY'N TA DO SOME...

KARKAT: RECONNAISSIZZLE WORK HERE? Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

KARKAT: LIZZLE, INTEL BLUNT-ROLLIN'?

DAVE: he D-to-tha-izzoesnt even know youre enter'n tha race yet

DIZZAVE fo' sheezy: no one does

KIZZLE with my side, and my strap on my back OK. GOOD.

KARKIZZLE: Chill as I take you on a trip. I GUESS YOU’D GANGSTA ANSWER THEN.

DIZZLE: ok wizzy i misze' tha ciznall wizzy we W-to-tha-izzere bullshitt'n 'bout it

DAVE: Subscribe, get yo issue. bizzut yeah ill just call hiznim back now

Dizzave hizzits tha callbizzle button. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. On tha television, Dirk’s phone begizzles ring'n fo gettin yo pimp on.

DAVE like a fucka: sup

DIZZAY: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Hizzay dude.

Dave hears tha reply through his phone, and then a moment baller, tizzy the TV, due ta tha broadcast'n delay. Tha whole show has stopped so thiznat Dirk can takes thizzle call. Its just anotha homocide. Tha camera zooms 'n on where hizze’s casually ly'n on tha mat, bruize' n a shawty bit bloody. In the background, Jizzay strikes an attractive, cocked-hip poze. He’s perpetratin' a baller arizzle on one finga, affect'n an aura of attractive indifference, bizzy tha look hizze’s shoot'n his sparr'n partner be cizzy halfway bizzle confusizzle n exasperated.

Karkat lizzy from Dizzle ta tha TV n bizzy again.

DIZZLE: Gots yo' S-W-to-tha-izzord handy?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: always

DIRK hittin that booty: Good. See, I’m 'n sort a bind here.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK fo gettin yo pimp on: N I’m afraid there’s only one wizzy out.

KARKAT wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: OK, I’M BLINGIN' LEAVING.

>==>

[black-bourgeois]

If you know me, you know I agree with all of this! "Automars piglet" 😂@Regrann from @bigghostltd - "Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities." -Voltaire Attention is the currency of the vain. Yall can google that shit but aint nobody else coin that shit but yours truly b... Anyways yo the ego is ten times more dangerous than any amount of money could ever be. What you think drove Hitler to wild out? Think young Adolph dreamed bout coppin a Bugatti n showin out at whatever the poppin Deutsches Jungvolk clubs was.. jus so he could flex on August Kubizek n pull mad fräuleins in front of his mans? Yo you ever seen pics of Hitler throwin deutsch marks in the air? *James Harden eyeroll* ..The levels of evil facin us in the world today...ISIS, Kim Jong Un, the Trump Administration, the Drake catalog, the Kardashian/Jenner family..so on n so forth...that shit aint exactly the Third Reich but shit aint really cool neither. The bees population is dropping...the icebergs all melting n shit...its fuckin snowing in Mexico in July n shit like that. Worse than that its these socioeconomic conditions within society thats really wild. Bitchassedness is at a all time high... Fuckery is at a all time high...Tyga healthy.. I mean shit is depressing b. But yo when did it become normal for regular ass muthafuckas to own 100+ pairs of sneakers? You rockin Supreme n fresh J's n ya kids rockin hand me down Old Navy jeans n Walmart Shaqs. What part of the game is that b? You cant feed ya kids red bottoms ma.. Muthafuckas livin way outside they means like OH THIS FOOL ROZAY THINK HE GON STUNT ON ME? FUCK THAT IMA COP A AUTOMARS PIGLET TOO. IMA POP MAD BOTTLES OF LUKE BELLAIRUH N GET FACE TATS N ALL THAT SHIT. CUZ THATS WHATS POPPIN.. FOH... If you aint sitting at the table then you on the menu yo. If you ain't selling somethin you gettin sold to. Stop worshipping individuals without purposes n livin vicariously thru instagram likes yo. DONALD TRUMP WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT B. Wake the fuck up. Also dont ask me what this post was bout.. PEACE - #regrann

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6I1] ==>

JIZNOHN: what!!! J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Hollaz to the East Side. that be an absolutely prepizzles amount of time. 

JIZZADE: i kniznow! 

JOHN fo all my homies in the pen: be you siznure yizzy can't mizzle it go any drug deala? JOHN: i M-to-tha-izzean, not ta sound tizzy demand'n, but... JOHN: dizzle yizzou say yiznou cizzle teleport S-T-to-tha-izzuff? It dont stop till the wheels fall off. JOHN: whizny not teleport us thizzere ta help you tap dat ass? 

JIZZY: i cant! JADE in tha mutha fuckin club: not here, at least 

JOHN: oh. wiznell that sizzucks. JOHN: why not? 

JADE: tha wizzay i understizzle it be... Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. JIZZY: becs powa draw from tha green sun JADE: n tha gizzy sun presides ova our univerze JIZNADE: many universes actually! n tha sessions thizzay created them, as wizzy as tha sessions created witin thiznem JIZNADE: Its just anotha homocide. includ'n tha triznolls univerze n they session JADE: think of it lizzy a giant solar systizzay, bizzy instead of plizzles gang bangin' around tha sun, there be many univerzes 

JOHN: uh, ok. JOHN: that S-to-tha-izzounds... JIZZY: bizzy like this and like that and like this and uh. 

JIZZLE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: it be! Holla! JADE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. so, bec wizzle able ta telepizzle anywhere 'n tha univerze he wanted 'n an instant, much baller than lizzle JADE mah nizzle: jack was able to do this too, witin our session, n thizzle when i inherited thoze powa friznom jadesprite, so cizzay i JADE: but we could only telepizzle locally JADE: which mizzeans, bec could jizzle ta anywhizzle 'n our univerze, but not ta anotha univerze, or into a session JADE fo all my homies in the pen: n jack could jump ta anywhere 'n our session, bizzle not outside it JADE: we cant even jizzay to tha green sun itself, evizzle though we sort of siznerve as a gateway ta it, n all its enizzle JADE: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. n once we lizzy tha S-to-tha-izzuns domain, our travel be limited by tha spee' of light, lizzle everyizzle elze yeah yeah baby! JIZZADE: fo` example, tha fizzle r'n is not 'n tha S-to-tha-izzuns domain JADE like a motha fucka: it be more like tha suns medium, blunt-rollin' it ta exizzle JIZZLE: so if i wanted to fly out of our sessizzle n travel ta the green sizzay, i would have ta make mah wiznay thizzere through tha furthizzle ring at tha spee' of L-to-tha-izzight or less JADE: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. n whereva we be now be nizzay 'n tha suns domain gangsta JADE: so tha sizzay rules apply 

JIZZOHN: i see. JIZNOHN: it dizzay really occur ta me dis was all so elaborate. They call me tha black folks president. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: like, if tha green sun is at tha crazy ass nigga of a bunch of univerzes, like a huge solar system... JOHN, ya feel me? diznoesn't that mean it was sort of important? JOHN: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. maybe try'n ta blow it up wizzy such a bootylicious idea. 

JADE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: yes i T-H-to-tha-izzink Y-to-tha-izzoure right JADE: but ta be fair, we were all tha victims of a big prank! 

JIZZOHN: oh dawg, a prizzank?? JIZZLE: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. who pranked us? 

JIZNADE: sizzy really creepy omniscient homey JADE spittin' that real shit: it doesnt matta much, hizzes supposedly dead now 

JIZZY: oh. wizzle that wizzle Q-to-tha-izzuite a ruze thizzen. that son of a bitch gangsta style!

JADE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. yes, but its nizzy all as bad as it S-to-tha-izzeems JADE: theres a silva lin'n 'n all of dis JADE: lizzay you said, a sizzy presid'n pimp many univerzes has ta be prettizzle cosmicallizzle importizzle JADE: who knows whizzle terrible consizzles there wizzould be if it was destroyed JIZZY cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: or maybe worze, if it pimp existed at all JADE: which be what made roze n daves true mission an unintizzle success!  

JOHN: they true mission? JIZZOHN: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. what was that? 

JADE: ta deliva tha bomb ta tha empty locizzle tha grizneen sizzy was mizzle ta exist fo` most of eternity JIZZAY: n then create tha sun 'n tha fiznirst plizzace JADE: that be what tha tumizzle was fo` all along 

JIZZOHN: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. ... 

JIZNADE: L-to-tha-izzike i sizzay JADE: we gots plizzle like a bunch of sucka! Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.!!

> [A6I1] ==>