#he'd eat burgers to shit on vegetarians

[desifugo]

mista would be a climate change denier and antivaxxer

[despairforme]

Was this guy the very definition of chaotic? YEAH. He was going a million miles per hour. Nnoitra had a hard time keeping up. He was not the most talkative person in the world. Funny enough, he wasn't a good listener either. His social skills could really use some work ( nope that was not happening ). ❝ It's unique alright. ❞ He'd never met anyone else with that name. Nobody else had had a parent with that bad a taste. Norm too was a pretty uncommon name, just not AS unusual as Nnoitra's.

❝ 'Daz right. ❞ Nnoitra chuckled as he sat down, getting comfortable. He wasn't stressed out about being on a date, since the stakes were nothing. He didn't care how it went. And, Norm was funny, so what was there to be stressed out about? ❝ Ya gotta bring me a stop sign next time. ❞ Not that there would necessarily be a next time. Nnoitra imagined he'd have to have a LOT of social energy to be willing to hang out with such a chatty guy again.

❝ I dunno, people believe in weirder shit than zodiac signs. ❞ Nnoitra shrugged. There were a lot of crazy people out there.

Nnoitra picked up the menu, and was happy to see it was one of those old-school menus with pictures. Apparently, most people found those type of menus stupid, but he fucking loved them. Saved him the trouble of reading ( which he hated ). He looked back at Norm, who was telling him that he usually just pulled things from the ground to eat. Nnoitra didn't know if he should laugh or be confused. He ended up laughing. ❝ So yer an even worse cook than me? Fuck me, didn't even think that was possible. Ya should definitely eat meat. It's 'da best. ❞ Nnoitra pointed to the diner's burger on the menu. ❝ I'm gettin' this, 'n then I'm gettin' a huge-ass dessert afterwards. They better have some good milkshakes here. ❞ Diners usually did. He felt sorry for the guy if he was going to go with whatever bullshit vegetarian food was being served. Who'd WILLINGLY eat that when you could eat something with meat? Sure, Nnoitra would gladly eat greens, since he'd eat anything, but of course he had preferences. ❝ Where ya from anyway? ❞ Somewhere with both plants and water? Somewhere along the coast, maybe? Nnoitra was a little curious about where such a weirdo could've come from.

Norm has yet to fully understand the concept of vibes as well as how to obtain them— in his eyes, humans were all very similar to each other. Sure they came in all sizes and their fur had a wide range of…colors…or he’s thinking they do, Norm’s colorblind aside from blues, reds, and certain greens.

Either way, they all had only four appendages (how they managed to get anywhere with so few was beyond him), and those fleshy bits in the middle of their face (noses) and had all these problems that they created themselves. Such silly beings they were.

Like this one— he laughed, which meant that something Norm has said was amusing to him. He’s not sure what part was funny, exactly, but he still didn’t have a firm grasp on Earth humor, so he just titters politely, the sound fabricated by his speaking device (he’s given up trying to laugh on his own…Uranian laughter was dramatically different).

Norm was pleased to see the other extend his hand (he knew this greeting!). Nnoitra’s given a softer but very enthusiastic handshake, Norm’s entire body seeming to bounce in time with the movement. “Nnoitra is such a lovely name. Very unique.” Or, at least, he’s yet to hear of any other humans with such a  name. Maybe he’ll have to look into it. “My name is the 2,536th most popular name in the USA…which means there is about 450 people also named Norm in the whole country.” Although it was just his cover name and not his real Uranian name, Norm still looks immensely smug about the statistic. 

“Ooooh,” Zodiac signs…he had heard of them briefly…they weren’t a scientific phenomenon, but a more…spiritual one that certain people subscribed to. He hadn’t originally though the study of a purely human invention would yield much valuable information but, apparently, he had been wrong! It sounded like it must be integral to the art of human pairing! Who would have known?

“Oh, well, next time I will bring you the largest stop sign I can find!” Next time? “I—If there’s a next time, I mean. I don’t want to assume my performance will be up to your standards” Assuming too much could get him in trouble— he’s already learned to keep his hands to himself as humans each had their own individual preferences…which was fascinating! Everyone in his pod back home very freely touched one another! 

“Um, so, zodiac signs are the signs they mean, huh? That’s so funny to me…I didn’t think so many hu—people actually…believed in such things. But that’s probably why I have had such trouble with my past attempts…” That’s quickly shaken off; no need to pout about past failures when he had now successfully landed a first date. Those apps really work! 

Once sat down in his seat, wiggling himself around until he was comfortable, Norm manages to relax a little. “Soooo, what sort of food do they have at this establishment? Do they serve animals? I don’t eat many animals myself…we only really have…small crustaceans where I’m from. But many, many plants so…” He shrugs, still smiling happily. “I’m always fascinated what people can do with food…I mostly just rip it from the ground and start chewing…”

[munson-blurbs]

hi bug! congratulations again on being un-glitched! I loooooved the headcanons you wrote last night about eddie and his hippie vegan girlfriend. I would LOVE to hear more about their first meeting outside the record shop, if you feel inspired to write more abt these two! you built such a fun lil world for the two of them, i just can't get enough! 💖

Anything for you, bb <3

For the purposes of historical accuracy, this takes place in 1991. Eddie + reader are 24.

WC: 647

--

Eddie had just planned to spend his Saturdays like he normally did: scouring the record store for any new releases. He loved finding underground bands that weren't really popular yet, playing their music while he worked at the auto shop during the week.

He wasn't expecting a small gathering of protesters to greet him outside, the leader of which was a really, really pretty girl.

"What's going on out there?" Eddie asks Hal, the manager, once he makes his way into the store.

"Protesting the Gulf War," Hal says. "They asked if they could use the parking lot, and I wasn't about to say no to that cause." Hal was a total hippie at heart; anti-establishment, constantly stoned, wearing tie-dye, and plastering peace signs around his office. "'Sides, we don't have anything big coming in this weekend."

Eddie nods; he'd overheard updates about the war on the radio, but had no idea that people in Hawkins were protesting it. It was more of a "shoot first, ask questions later" rather than a "make love, not war" kind of town.

"And, uh, the girl out there? In the front?" He tries to sound nonchalant as he asks, drumming his fingers on the countertop.

Hal laughs knowingly. "She's a cutie, isn't she?" he winks. "Don't know too much about her, but she seems like your type--stubborn with a heart of gold."

That's all Eddie needs to hear; he's out the door and standing alongside you before Hal can even process that he's gone.

"Hey," he greets you, taking a hand out of his pocket to shake yours. "I'm Eddie. You got any more of these signs?"

"Y/N," you reply, smiling at the lovestruck metalhead. "There should be some in that box back there," you tell him, motioning behind you.

Eddie chooses one that says "Fuck Your War" in big block letters. "Short, sweet, and to the point, huh?" he whispers to you, and he swells with pride when you laugh.

He spends the next hour chanting various anti-war sentiments. When a middle-aged man gets in your face, screaming about how Bush is the best president this country's ever seen, Eddie steps between you and him and pushes the guy away.

"Who the fuck does he think he is? Bet he wouldn't try that shit if you weren't young and cute."

You wrinkle your nose. "I'm not cute," you challenge, "I am very scary."

Eddie holds up his hands in surrender. "You're right, you're right. I'm terrified right now."

"Too late," you pout, feigning offense. "You have hurt my feelings beyond repair."

"Beyond repair?" Eddie chuckles. "There's nothing I can do to fix it?"

"Nope."

"What about if I take you out for pizza?" he asks hopefully. "In my experience, pizza heals all wounds."

"Actually," you tell him, bracing yourself for an onslaught of insults, "I'm vegan. So unless you find a pizzeria that doesn't serve cheese..."

His brow furrows in confusion. "Wait, you've never had sex?" he blurts out. "What does that have to do with pizza?"

You burst out laughing; you can't help it. "A vegan, Eddie, not a virgin. I am most definitely not one of those." He blushes at your honesty. "I don't eat any animal products. No meat, no dairy, no eggs."

"Oh," he nods slowly. "So what can you eat?"

"Pretty much anything else!" you say cheerfully. "There's actually a really good vegetarian restaurant that opened a few months ago. They have the best veggie burgers I've ever tasted, and their fries are incredible."

"So let's go there," he decides, and without thinking, he takes your hand in his. "Right after we finish up here, yeah?"

"I'd like that," you say, beaming at him. He looks at you and smiles right back.

She's like my little hippie princess, he thinks, though it'll be a few more dates until he actually calls you that.

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