#he’s relevant and loved and deserved better so I’ll give him better but like

[marcobodtlives]

Me writing any fic:

Reiner, slidin’ in, about to accidentally become massively relevant to the plot and thus sneakin’ his way into becoming a main character:

[daechwitatamic]

Of Ruin: Chapter 6 || KTH

(banner by @/itaeewon)

Of Ruin (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni Genre: vampire!au magic!au royalty!au, s2l, slow burn, eventual smut, angst and fluff

Summary: Taehyung of House Rune, Prince of Infracticus has been cursed. You’re the human world’s leading curse-breaker. It should be simple. But unraveling the curse becomes the least of your problems in the face of a world on the brink of civil war… and the love you start to feel for the prince.

A/N: Thank you endlessly to @/sailoryooons for betaing!!! 💕

//

Section Warnings: angst, hurt feelings, conflicts abound

wc: 6k

True to his word, Prince Taehyung shows up at your door about an hour after you and Namjoon clean up dinner. 

After your self-pity-nap, you’d showered and come out fresh. You’d ordered hot tea and buckled down to work, starting to make your way through the thick texts you’d brought from the university, looking for counters that might be relevant to this case. 

So, luckily, instead of a puffy-eyed, half-asleep wreck, the prince finds you clean, and caffeinated, and hard at work. Your image remains intact. Hooray for small victories, you think.

“I know your day hasn’t been ideal,” he says sheepishly, hands clasped behind his back. “Do you think a visit to Potato might make you feel better?”

Cute, you think. 

“Potato?” Namjoon asks, baffled.

“His amarisca,” you explain. “I sort of fell in love yesterday.”

Your face heats as soon as you’ve said the words; you hope they both know that you mean with Potato, that it’s not a reference to your illogical, absurd, and frankly embarrassing crush on the beautiful, otherworldly prince. Luckily, it seems both men are oblivious to your near misstep.

“You’re welcome to come, too,” the prince offers, turning to Namjoon. “I was just going to walk to my private stables and give her - Potato - some treats. I thought…” he trails off, eyes on your face, like he’s gauging your reaction. “I thought maybe Y/N might benefit from the walk and the fresh air. But of course you’re welcome, too.”

Namjoon’s face goes funny, like he’s doing those puzzle pieces again. “Thank you,” he says slowly, looking at you, not the prince. “But I’ll stay here. I can finish up writing what we were discussing. I agree, the walk will do you good.”

You want to snap at both of them, you don’t know what’s good for me, but you know they don’t deserve it. And you do want to see the amarisca again. 

“Let me get shoes,” you murmur, and head for your room. You return with sneakers in hand and in a thicker sweatshirt; the sun has been down for some time and you know the sea air will be chilly. 

Prince Taehyung leads you the same way he had the previous night, both in cloaks that you hadn’t noticed him holding until he handed one to you. You clock that Sateul trails you at a respectable distance - close enough to see you, too far to hear you, if she was human. Probably, since she’s not, she can hear every word. 

“This feels like a pity walk,” you admit a bit sourly.

Prince Taehyung gives you an indulgent smile. “I feel like you got hit twice today,” he says. “First, my mother frightens you, and then… it can’t have been easy to find out… what you did. That, combined with your little accident the other night… I honestly can’t believe you haven’t packed up to leave already.”

“I thought about it,” you say dryly. But the truth is, you want to work on the curse. You want to see more of the palace, of Infracticus. You want to spend more time with the prince.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” he says quietly. 

You wonder if it’s only because he needs you to break his curse. A foolish thought, one that has no place amidst everything else swirling around your head. But still, the thought persists. 

Outside, the fresh air soothes you immediately, the temperature is just right, and you can hear the waves and the gulls in the distance. You do feel better, just walking silently side by side. The tension melts from your shoulders, tiny bits at a time.

“This is nice.”

“I’m not such terrible company after all?” he teases, a mischievous smile growing sideways across his face.

You scowl at him playfully. “It wasn’t about you. Today… really sucked. Sorry. But, I think I wanted to just retreat to my space and sulk for a while.”

He takes this in silently for a few strides and then offers, quietly, “I’m sorry again about my mother. I know my promises can’t mean much to you at this point, but her intentions weren’t to hurt you. She felt your magical signature - we all can - and was just curious. She wanted to know how strong it was. She’s… used to just taking what she wants, as I’m sure you can imagine. It didn’t occur to her that it might be frightening or unpleasant to you. I know that’s no excuse, but I hope you’ll forgive us.”

You listen seriously. You’ll forgive him, you think, if only because he is so damn earnest, and his skin looks pretty in the moonlight. 

“Thank you,” you murmur, which isn’t an answer, but he lets it slide. Your magical signature. You hadn’t even known you’d had that. You still don’t know what exactly it means.

You walk together a little further, your footsteps joining the shrill gull calls.

Eventually, Taehyung’s stride slows, and he leans his elbows against the stone balustrade, looking wistfully up at the deep purple sky. The periwinkles and violets of the early afternoon have faded to a deep mottled purple, the color of a third-day bruise. You can see that you’re very close to the staircase he’d helped you down the previous night, the ones that lead down to the sand.

The stars literally take your breath away. Taehyung turns to you, grinning.

“Better than above, right?” he asks, pride evident in his tone. 

“There are so many,” you whisper, eyes scanning the sky above you. It seems like every time you look away from a spot and then back to it, the number of stars doubles.

You stand side by side in silence, both leaning on the stone wall, eyes on the stars far above you. Finally, Prince Taehyung turns to look at you, frowning just slightly.

“May I ask you something?” he ventures. “I don’t want to upset you… but I’m curious.”

You smile a little wryly at the irony of this admission. You see the pattern from the Queen earlier to the prince now - admitting he may upset you, but entitled to the answer anyway. At least he has the decency to ask first.

“Go ahead,” you tell him. You’re feeling less on edge out here under the stars, with the cool breeze and ocean’s song. Whatever it is, you’ll face it.

“You really didn’t know?” There’s clear disbelief in his voice. Then, he clarifies, “About your magic.”

You shake your head, a stone skipping and sinking heavy in your stomach. “Had no idea,” you say with a sigh. “I really thought… I really thought I earned being good at breaking curses. I thought it was hard work, grit, that kind of thing.”

Understanding dawns on the prince’s face. “Ah,” he says, and then says nothing else.

You narrow your eyes at him. “Ah, what?”

He gives you a guilty smile. “I didn’t understand why you were upset. I imagined any human would be excited to learn that they were… more, that they had more.”

You eye him stonily. “Being human,” you say evenly, “is enough. It isn’t less.”

His eyes widen comically. “No,” he says quickly, waving his hands between you. “I didn’t mean that. It came out wrong. I just meant -”

“I know what you meant,” you mutter. “No, I wasn’t excited to learn that I’m… I don’t even know what to call myself now.”

He presses his lips together and regards you silently. Then, he says tentatively, “Your accomplishments are not erased by this, you know.”

You look sideways at him, listening. 

“Having a natural magical ability doesn’t mean you didn’t work hard. Your magic is inherent in you the same way your strong will is, your natural intelligence. They are facets of what makes up who you are. How you wield these things - that’s how you earn your accomplishments. You should not discount it.”

“I guess,” you mutter, but secretly, you consider this. “It’s just going to take some getting used to, I think.”

The prince seems to sense that there’s nothing more to gain from pursuing this topic. He starts towards the steps, helping you down as he had the night before. 

At the stable, he places a carrot in your outstretched hand, smiles wide when you let Potato eat it from your flat fingers, her lips tickling your palm. When you press your other hand gently to her snout, her fur soft and warm under your hand, it doesn’t feel like losing a dream, as you’d feared. It feels like stepping into it. Prince Taehyung watches you, eyes twinkling the whole time. 

After, you stand at the fence that creates a paddock in the sea, meant to let Potato swim but not too far. The waves crash just feet from you, and you worry absently about your shoes. 

Prince Taehyung leans his elbows on the fence next to you. “How was it going, before I interrupted? I could see that you were working.”

You shrug. “I feel like we’re near the end of what we can do with the information we have. Unless you let me observe you while the curse is working -”

He glowers. “I gave you my answer about that already,” he says tightly.

“- or unless I run some rituals with you… there’s not more to find. We’ve got all we can from the texts we brought, too.”

This makes him look at you, something sharp in his gaze. “Do you need to research more?” he asks, tone lightening, like he’s excited to help. “We have a dozen libraries in the palace - I never spend much time there, but I’m sure you’d find something helpful.”

This makes you smile a little. “I can’t imagine being alive for hundreds of years and not using it to read everything I could get my hands on.”

He laughs at this, nose wrinkling as he says defensively, “I have other interests!” As his chuckles die away again he adds, “Reading puts me to sleep. I never get past the first page.”

“What do you do instead?” you ask, genuinely curious. 

His grin turns a bit self-deprecating. “Eat, drink, and make merry,” he jokes. 

“Seriously!” you scold.

“I mostly am being serious,” he admits. “I socialize. I dance. I’m fond of music - I play many instruments. Sometimes I look at art, sometimes I try to make my own. I have duties as Prince, of course, but generally I find them interesting. I spend my time quite happily.” His expression turns a bit darker and he adds, “Or, I did. Until this.”

You look at him carefully for the first time since you’d first arrived. You’ve only known this version of him - tight-shouldered, a bit serious. You wonder if he was different before the curse - freer, lighter, happier. You imagine he must have been.

“We’ll fix it,” you promise, though you have no guarantee you’ll keep it. Going back to his original question, you add, “I’d like to see the libraries, if we could. A lot of curse-breaking is looking at precedents, seeing what’s worked before.”

“What exactly are you looking for?” he asks. “I don’t know much about the process, to be honest.”

You grimace. “I probably should have explained it to you better from the start. Like I said yesterday - my first step is to uncover each thread of intention in the original curse. Then when you’ve identified every thread, it’s kind of a game of finding the simplest, shortest amount of steps to counter them. Then, of course, actually casting it correctly can be challenging, too.” 

He’s quiet for a long time, and after a bit of silence - broken only by the crash of waves - you reach out and gingerly rest your fingertips atop his forearm. Like yesterday, when he’d held your hand down the steps, you thrill at the touch.

“They called me for a reason,” you tell him seriously. “I’ve never failed. Sometimes it takes me a while, and sometimes I have to try more than once - but I’ve never not been able to work it out, eventually.”

He doesn’t say anything, but you watch his throat work as he keeps his eyes on the distant horizon. 

“We’ll fix it,” you say again, more determination in your voice this time. “I’ll fix it. Okay?”

Eventually, he sighs and places his other hand on yours, covering it completely. “I have faith in you,” he says, something open in his voice. Like you’ve struggled through the underbrush in the woods and stumbled across a path, the way forward suddenly clear. “I trust you.”

You stay like that a bit longer, acutely aware of his hand on yours, until he sighs and withdraws it, casting a baleful look at the palace above and behind you. “It’s nearing midnight,” he says sadly. “I’d better get to where I belong.”

“Can someone walk me back to my quarters?” you ask, a little embarrassed. “I don’t know the way.”

He furrows his brow at you and reaches for your hand. “Someone?” he repeats, as if offended. “I’m walking you back.”

As if you should have known. As if there were any other option he’d accept.

You aren’t sure what’s happening here. You aren’t sure the purpose of it, the sense of it. But his wavy hair hangs over his browline, his deep eyes are on your face, and that hint of a smile flirts in the corner of his mouth as he waits for you. So you put your hand in his and let him lead you home.

—

In the morning, when Sateul comes to collect the dishes from breakfast, she informs you, “Prince Taehyung has asked me to accompany you to one of the private libraries today.”

You get ready quickly, though Satuel waits patiently outside your doors, at attention. The walk to the libraries is longer than the ones you’ve been accustomed to, and you notice you’re mostly headed up. In fact, the journey ends with a spiral staircase that almost gives you vertigo; you hold the wall gingerly as you take each step carefully. 

This particular library must be at the top of a turret. The view from the windows, peeking between bookshelves, is so phenomenal that you almost forget about your research. 

“I’ll be at the bottom of this staircase,” Satuel tells you. “Please call if you need something.”

“I need an ice bath,” you grumble, massaging your aching calves. Beside you, Namjoon shoots you a sympathetic smile. 

You spend the whole day there, perusing the bookshelves, pulling out tomes that might prove useful. Satuel brings you lunch at midday, and shortly after the three of you trek halfway across the palace to the nearest bathroom, just to go right back up those same damn stairs when you’re done.

But it’s worth it; it takes all three of you to carry back the books you and Namjoon select, about an hour before dinner will be served.

When you drop the books gently onto the low table in your quarters, Satuel heads back to her post in the corridor, and you and Namjoon look down at your haul.

“Not bad,” you muse. 

You settle in, picking up books at random and flipping through to find parts that might be relevant, scanning indexes. When dinner time rolls around, you both put in your order, stopping to eat when the food comes, and then getting right back to work. 

Somehow, you aren’t surprised when the prince arrives at your doors, even though he hadn’t promised to come by, not like yesterday. 

“I was going to ask if you made it to the libraries,” he says, smiling wryly, “but I can see that you have.”

You can’t help it - you beam. “I want to live up there.”

His smile turns into something playful. “That’s what you said about the seaside, too.”

You consider this. “I would like my seaside home to have a turret library,” you finally declare. 

“I’ll work on it,” he teases. Behind you, Namjoon quietly closes the book he was looking through. 

“Anyway,” Prince Taehyung says, clearing his throat a little. “Was it fruitful? Are they helpful?”

“I think so,” you say, looking at Namjoon for confirmation. “We’re working through the books we found, writing down the parts that are useful. It’ll take a while, though. We found a lot.”

“Good,” he says, nodding. “Good. I’m glad you’re making progress.”

You think of his silence by the ocean last night, how you’d felt the need to protect him, to reassure him. 

“We are,” you say solidly. 

He looks at you, tilts his head just slightly. “Can you afford to take a break? I was going to the stable. Namjoon, as always, you are more than welcome. You haven’t seen the amarisca up close, have you?”

“I haven’t,” Namjoon admits. “But I hate to say, I’m not as drawn to magical creatures as Y/N clearly is.”

You press your lips together, wondering if he’s including the prince in that list of magical creatures. 

“I’d like to go,” you venture timidly. 

You feel a little guilty - this isn’t part of the job, it’s adding nothing to your research, you’re leaving Namjoon behind and he’s looking at you with that knowing gleam in his eyes. 

But when you get outside the palace and look at the stars and smell the ocean, and Prince Taehyung holds your hand tightly as you make your way down sea-worn, stone steps… it makes all the bad parts quieter. The fear, the uncertainty, the homesickness, the grief you’ve experienced over the last few days… they don’t seem to cut as deeply when his brown eyes find yours. 

And as long as you don’t let yourself think too much about how pointless that is, how he’s crown prince of a land that’s not your home and you’re a nobody from a tiny university town… as long as you don’t think about that… the distraction is nice. 

This time, when he leads you down the stairs, his hand feels familiar and right as it closes around yours. 

You press a hand gently to the amarisca’s muscly, teal neck, stroking the soft fur there. Prince Taehyung puts his hand atop yours, guiding it down her neck and to the top again, his body pressed close behind yours. You look over your shoulder at him in wonder, and the smile he gives you seems tinged with a sadness that you don’t understand at all.

This time, on the way back, you stop and stare at the stars, and he leans close, close enough that your arms touch as you both look skyward. 

This time, as he leads you back up the damp stairs towards the palace, you tug on his hand.

“Why are you doing this?” you ask. Something in you aches to know the truth. “You don’t have to babysit me, you know. I learned my lesson the first day.”

“I told you,” he says, brow furrowing, “I’m invested in your well-being. If you’re unhappy enough to leave, then I’ll never get better.”

You don’t know if you believe him. You wish you would believe him. The alternative is just sad - you’re not stupid enough to think a six hundred year old Infracti with a crown on his head would be interested in a nothing human.

Focus, you think. Focus on why you’re here. 

When you return to your rooms, Namjoon looks half-asleep on the couch, the lights low.

“How was your field trip?” he asks, stretching and starting to rise. You realize he’d waited up for you. You’re not sure how you feel about this.

“I feel like I’m spinning in circles,” you admit. “Like I can’t remember what I’m really here for.”

“He’s charming,” Namjoon says carefully, pausing on his path to his bedroom.

You choose not to answer that. “We’ll get to work in the morning,” you say finally. “We’ll see what we can come up with, and we’ll work on getting home.”

You wait until Namjoon’s behind his bedroom door, and you bend down to rifle through the books you’d brought from the library until you find the one you’d hidden in with the others.

Beginner Spells and Magical Theory, something you’d never really studied. Something you’d never thought you needed. Something you hadn’t known was a part of you.

You take the book into your bedroom and sit on the edge of your bed holding it, but you don’t crack it open. Eventually, you slide it under your bed and head for the bathroom.

You’re not ready. Tonight is not the night.

-

Then, like a switch flipped, the prince stops coming to check on you. You don’t see Prince Taehyung - or any of the royal family - for the next two days. You and Namjoon stay in your rooms, books spread across the floor, papers on every surface. On the second day, Satuel takes you to the turret library, saying she has the prince’s permission to let you go there for a change of scenery. But he doesn’t come check in either night.

It’s the morning of the third day of solitude (well, solitude with Namjoon) when you roll dramatically over onto your back, the stone floor cool and solid beneath you, and bemoan to the wooden ceiling, “I think my brain is soup.”

“Soup sounds good,” Namjoon says from his spot about six feet away. Books are open in a full circle around him; he has no path out. It seems like an apt metaphor, you think.

“I’m going to be honest about something,” you say, eyes still on the ceiling. 

“When are you ever not?” he quips, but pushes the book he was reading a few inches away and turns to look at you, ready for whatever you’re going to drop on him.

“I think we have everything we’re going to have at this point,” you say, and then struggle to sit up so you can see his reaction. 

He frowns at you. “Why does that not sound the same as I think we’re ready?”

You sigh. “I don’t think we’re ready. I don’t think we have everything. But as far as asking the prince questions and researching what we have… I think this is it. We aren’t getting any further.”

Namjoon looks around the books nearest him, still frowning. “What do you suggest?”

You shrug, even though you do have a few ideas. “I think we should try with what we have,” you say. “I can usually get a read from the first attempt - I can tell if we’re on the right track, going in the right direction. I get a good feel for if we need to remove anything, and sometimes I can press for more.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows shoot up. “You want to try a counter-curse? Already? Do you think that’s safe?”

You tap your feet against the stone floor, thinking. “It’s not unsafe,” you say. “It just might not… seem very productive. But, to me, it’ll help. I just need everyone’s trust, I guess.”

He shakes his head. “I trust you… I’m not so sure about the King and Queen. You can’t just cast on the crown prince willy-nilly and hope something comes of it.”

“Willy-nilly,” you repeat with a scoff. “Very academic of you.”

He tosses a pen at you and you let it clatter to the floor after it bounces off your kneecap. 

“It’s not willy-nilly,” you defend. “The benefits outweigh the risks, Namjoon. I need some direction, and the magic will point me. What are we going to do otherwise, keep spinning our wheels down here while life carries on without us back home?”

He frowns more deeply, but drops your gaze. Finally he asks, “How confident are you that it won’t hurt him? Or, worse, put you out of commission? You know I can’t do this by myself.”

You ignore this last part. “I’m very confident that at worst one or both of us will need to rest for a day or two. Nothing worse than that.”

You stare at each other in silence, both doing calculations in your heads - risks, benefits, all of it.

“My grandfather put you in charge,” he says finally, and you know a victory when you see one. “If you think that’s the best step, I’ll support you.”

Hours later, after you’ve picked up all the books from the floor, after you’ve compiled all the paper you’d scribbled on and made just one cohesive list of counter-threads, after you’ve showered and changed into something presentable, you stand in a mostly empty room of the palace.

The King and Queen are seated. Namjoon stands just behind your left shoulder, ready to help if things go very wrong. Prince Taehyung stands across from you, looking drawn and nervous. 

He can’t be more nervous than you are, you think. Under the King and Queen’s gazes, you feel like a spectacle. 

“I would like to reiterate,” you say, holding up a finger, “that I very much do not expect this to actually break the curse today. However, it should cause no serious harm to try, and I expect that when we are done I’ll know if we’ve miscalculated anything, and a direction on what might still be missing.”

“No serious harm,” Prince Taehyung mutters, and you can’t help but smile across at him.

“You’ll be okay,” you promise. “It just might not be… pleasant.”

He grimaces, but remains quiet this time.

You glance at the paper on the small podium to your right, recounting the steps, mouthing the incantations to yourself as if you’re rehearsing. 

“Okay,” you say finally, holding up a palm for the prince. “I’m ready when you are.”

He seems to need to collect himself, then presses his palm up to yours and waits, anxious eyes on your face, pretty mouth turned down into a frown.

You begin reciting the opening incantations, the ones that call up your magic - the magic you used to think you pulled from the world around you, that you’re now learning comes from deep within you. 

You know when it works, you always do; the feeling is electrifying, thrilling, a euphoria you’ve never felt from anything else. Magic running through your veins like blood makes you feel alive in ways you didn’t know you could before you’d started practicing counter-curses. Now, the electricity runs stronger, as if the magic is magnified by the Infracti touching you. 

It occurs to you that this might be exactly the case. 

You move onto the next counter-threads, speaking slowly and clearly as you try to untangle the pain, the confusion, the suppression of self that Prince Taehyung experiences each night. 

You concentrate on the incantation, but you close your eyes and let yourself feel -  little flickering flame-fingers of magic reaching out and tentatively poking at the mess of magic inside the prince, trying to locate each single thread, ready to tug each one and - ideally - unravel the whole ball. 

You know it’s doing something when he flinches, then carefully presses his palm more firmly against yours, like he’s afraid he’s broken the connection. 

The tendrils of your magic report back - you can feel where each thread of your countercurse connects to a thread of the curse, ready to pull them out. You can feel just how much is left unconnected. 

There’s so much there that your magic hasn’t touched. 

The magic sings to you: not enough, it’s not enough, it isn’t enough, it’s not -

The connection breaks as Prince Taehyung’s eyes flash to fathomless black and there’s a split second where you’re afraid you did the opposite of what you intended, called forth the beast. But then his knees buckle and he starts to drop. 

The Queen shouts and stands, but your reflexes are fast, too. You have the prince by the elbows and you sink to the ground with him, gently. You feel rather than see Namjoon move closer, ready to help. 

By the time you’ve lowered you both to your knees, still clutching his elbows and using all of your core strength to try and hold him upright, he’s back - blinking human-looking eyes at you, fingers twitching and then clutching your arms back.

“That,” he mumbles, “did not feel nice.”

“I know,” you whisper, just for him. “I’m sorry. It’s over now.”

Namjoon makes it to you first, having been standing the closest, and he helps both of you clamber unsteadily to your feet. The King and Queen approach, and you gingerly let go of the prince’s elbows, watching to make sure he’s staying on his feet.

“I suppose it didn’t work,” the King says drolly. 

“I’ve got a pretty good idea where to go from here,” you say, and you do. But the prince is unsteady on his feet, fighting to keep his eyes open and alert. To him, you say, “It’s my professional opinion that you need to rest. You aren’t sleeping at night, and your body needs to recover from what happened here.”

“Then I expect an update tomorrow,” the Queen says coolly, and helps Prince Taehyung to the door, where he finally succeeds at waving her off and heads down the hallway, alone. 

The King follows his wife to the door and they depart as well, without a look back, let alone a goodbye. 

You turn to Namjoon, who is shaking his head at you. “That went well,” he says sarcastically.

“We’re missing threads,” you tell him, certain. “There’s a lot we haven’t uncovered yet. What we have is good - but there’s a lot more. I felt it.”

“So how do we figure that out?” he asks, voice a little rough with frustration. 

You miss Dr. Kim. Namjoon has certainly held his own down here, but you and Dr. Kim had a partnership, mutual trust. His expertise outweighed yours - he would have at least had a suggestion at a time like this, not scorn. 

“There’s a ritual I can try,” you say, thinking out loud. “If he’ll let me.”

“Considering you just tried to knock him out,” Namjoon says dryly, “I don’t think he’s going to be very agreeable.”

“I’m going to try to convince him anyway,” you say decisively. “And I think I should go by myself.”

“Of course you do,” Namjoon says easily, and your temper flares.

“Another person’s energy will affect the reading,” you snap. “I’ll get your energy instead of his. I don’t care what you think - I know this will work, so I’m going. I’ll see you later, at home.”

You leave abruptly, pissed off, not even registering that you’d called your little rooms home. 

Dansoo and Satuel are thankfully just in the corridor, as always, and you request to be taken to the prince’s wing. Satuel brings you, walking in silence ahead of you. When you reach the prince’s doors, she waits with you while one of his personal guards slips inside to ask if he’ll see you.

You’re honestly surprised when she returns and invites you in.

You find Prince Taehyung on the same couches you’d sat on your first night here, after Jimin had brought you to these rooms. 

“I knew you wouldn’t rest,” you say, and he turns to look at you. His face is unreadable, blank - even his humanlike eyes give nothing away. 

“This is resting,” he says evenly. 

You shake your head. “You should try and sleep.”

He turns away again, a defeated slump to his shoulders. “I can’t seem to,” he admits.

You frown, watching him carefully. “May I sit?” you ask. He holds out a hand towards the empty couch opposite him but doesn’t look at you.

You sit gingerly. “I’m sorry for what just happened,” you tell him seriously. “I know it was unpleasant.”

“It was,” he agrees, his voice tight and measured. 

“What did it feel like?” you ask. 

His shoulders tighten. “Like I could feel you poking around behind my ribs,” he says shortly. “And then it hurt.”

“I’m sorry it hurt you,” you murmur. You want to reach out and touch his arm, as you had a few nights ago next to the sea and under the stars, but something stops you. “I want you to know that it wasn’t my doing. The curse… protects itself, let’s say.”

This makes him turn to look at you. “The curse caused that,” he paraphrases, clearly unconvinced.

You nod. “I could feel my counter-threads connecting, and I could feel the threads we hadn’t made connection to yet,” you explain slowly. “But magic knows to protect itself. When I started trying to feel for those unconnected pieces of the curse, it - sort of kicked me out?”

He frowns. “Was it a waste of time, then?”

“Not at all,” you say quickly, encouraged. “What we just did confirmed which threads we identified correctly, and that there are some more to uncover.”

He takes this in silently for a few minutes. Then, he asks, “And, can we uncover the rest?”

“That’s why I came,” you admit. “There’s a ritual I’ve done… its purpose is to identify what’s in there.”

He scowls. “Why didn’t we do that from the beginning?”

You purse your lips, then try to explain. “Rituals like this… are always inherently risky. It’s better to figure out what you can with logic and magical theory before resorting to this.”

“Risky,” he echoes flatly. “Is it going to hurt again?”

You grimace. “It hurt a lot, huh?”

His jaw juts, just a bit. “Enough that I’m not eager to experience it twice in one day,” he says, a bit of haughtiness coming into his voice. He’s his mother’s son, indeed. 

“It won’t hurt you,” you say quietly. “But there does need to be a level of trust - of allowing my magic to poke around, as you put it.”

He doesn’t answer this. He seems to wobble where he sits. Then, he lifts his tired eyes to you. For a moment, he lets you see the exhaustion, the fear, the hopelessness. He looks desolate, nearly frail.

Then, something closer to anger slides onto his face, replacing the vulnerability you were sure you were seeing. “I haven’t slept in many days,” he says, not answering your question at all. 

“I’m sorry,” you murmur. “You should try. You need to rest.”

He blinks heavily, shoulders sagging. When he opens his eyes to look at you again, they’re wet and black, no longer magicked to seem human. Something hard takes over his voice, and he asks, “Can you help me? Can you make me sleep, venefici?”

“Yes,” you whisper, rising. “I can at least try.”

He closes those black eyes again, leans sideways until he’s laying down, knees bent.

You place your hands on his elbow and close your own eyes, feeling the magic rise up to you. Small spells like this were not your area of study, but you think you can manage. You at least know what to do.

It takes no time at all - less than a minute. His breathing deepens, his fingers twitch once. He is so beautiful like this, it’s hard to look at him. You remove your hand carefully and step away.

Prince Taehyung just called you witch.

–

Namjoon is waiting for you when you return. 

“How’d it go?” he asks, sounding like he means it, even though you’d sort of argued before you left. 

“I told him about the ritual,” you say, sinking onto the couch and dropping your head into your hands, emotionally spent. “He’s considering it.”

He looks at you appraisingly. “You don’t sound very happy about it,” he observes.

You sigh. “He’s just… not feeling great, from earlier. It’s fine.”

You sit there for another minute, your eyes on the ground, while he watches you, as if he might get more information out of you if he just waits it out. Finally you mutter, “I’m gonna get ready for bed,” and you slink off to your private rooms. 

It’s ironic. After using your magic to help the prince find sleep for the first time since his curse began, you lay awake, unable to help yourself at all.

<;- Prev | Next ->

hi there! thanks for reading!

i'm going to take a week off of posting this series, so there will be no update on friday, january 8th. instead, chapter 7 will post on friday, january 19th. thanks for understanding!

[sev-on-kamino]

✨WIP Wednesday✨

thank you for the tag @wolffegirlsunite @deejadabbles @anxiouspineapple99 @dystopicjumpsuit @wings-and-beskar 💙💙

It’s coming along well, so here’s a lil sneak peak at the rough draft of:

In Pieces Ch. 2 - (Never Had A) Friend Like Me

pairings: Rex x fem!reader, Cody x fem!reader, Fox x fem!reader, Wolffe x fem!reader

warnings: suggestive af, MINORS DNI

They kept you in a haze of pleasure the rest of the night. Soft touches, lingering kisses, their lips against your ears, whispering to you, as they took you higher and higher.

“Don’t think I could ever get enough of you.”

“It’s so tempting to keep you, mesh’la.”

“You belong in my arms, just like this.”

“We fit together too well. Must have been made for me, cyare.”

Rex watched, fascinated, as you came down from your high.

“So good for us, aren’t you?” He asked softly.

You hummed affirmatively, pressing your face against his neck, while he listened to you working to catch your breath. He noticed your fingers were loosely tangled with Fox’s, while your free hand drew aimless little shapes against his skin. They’d made your body sing for them, and what a beautiful song it was. One Rex could listen to over and over again.

The spell that had bound the four of you was broken as Fox’s alarm went off. The real world was calling.

“Damn!” Fox swore, moving out of your reach, so he could get dressed.

He’d meant to leave a couple of hours ago, but you’d buried your fingers in his curls and pulled him in for another kiss. Instead of leaving he’d given in to your unspoken request, and coaxed another slow, sweet orgasm out of your blissed out body.

As he snapped on his armor, he realized you were a problem. The soft look on your face, as you watched him held so much affection. He hated that he couldn’t be the man you looked at like that every day. It would require time he didn’t have, and you deserved more than he could give.

You whined softly in protest, and Fox’s lips twitched toward a smile before he pulled on his helmet.

“Duty calls, mesh’la. I know you understand,” he explained, his voice firm, yet gentle like your hands had been against his skin.

He knew the brat in you would love nothing more than making him late, and part of him would enjoy it too. He knew the healer in you would relish in sending him off relaxed, and fully satisfied, but he couldn’t follow that train of thought. He couldn’t let himself linger in fantasies, no matter how sweet. He consoled himself with the fact it was a one-time thing, and he’d never be in this position with you again.

You nodded sleepily, before resting your face against Rex’s chest.

“You di’kut, why didn’t you tell us you were on duty today?” Wolffe asked, frowning at his brother.

“It wasn’t relevant,” Fox replied easily. “I’ve got enough caf to give a rancor a coronary. I’ll be fine. Make sure she gets some sleep.”

“Wasn’t relevant my ass,” Wolffe grumbled, rolling his eyes. He was completely unsurprised that Fox easily placed your well-being over his own despite the fact that you couldn’t have been in better hands. “We’ll make sure she gets rest. You worry about yourself.”

Fox opened his mouth to deliver a snarky reply, but he was cut off by your soft voice, “Bye, Fox. Thank you…”

Cody chuckled and gave your thigh a playful tap.

“Bye, Commander Fox. Thank you, sir,” you corrected with a giggle.

“Good girl,” Cody said, smiling at you.

“Bye, Stitches, thank you,” Fox said, saluting his brothers before he left Rex’s quarters.

“I think our gorgeous girl has had all she can take,” Cody said, catching your chin, pulling you close to press a kiss to your temple.

“Maybe,” you admitted, looking up at him.

“You took all of us so well last night. Let us enjoy you like we wanted,” Cody said, rubbing your back.

“And I’d do it again, Commander. Any time,” you yawned, covering your mouth like you could hide your exhaustion.

“I’m going to hold you to that, mesh’la,” Cody replied, leaning down to kiss your shoulder before he followed Fox’s lead and got dressed to head out.

“You know I will,” Wolffe said, drawing you close to kiss your face before getting dressed as well.

You beamed up at him, before relaxing once more. Warm and safe in Rex’s arms, you slipped into a peaceful sleep, your body finally reaching its limit.

taglist: @secondaryrealm @iamburdened @sunshinesdaydream @dukeoftheblackstar @rexxdjarin @808tsuika @sleepingsun501 @starrylothcat @ladyzirkonia @pb-jellybeans @clio3kantarella @staycalmandhugaclone @stardusthuntress @idontgetanysleep

please also consider this my no pressure invite to share for WIP Wednesday, if you’re so inclined 🥰😌

[dollwrites]

Omg hotd nonnie I love the name lol. YES I felt so bad for kid aemond you can tell he wanted to be friends with nyras kids, like when he smiled at them at the funeral, but they were such dicks to him. One of the things that made me love him was how he did a 1080 on his personality and went fuck it idc if nobody likes me, im doing me. And the fact that vhagar transformed him and made him confident 🥲 also idk about you but I literally combusted when they showed he put a LITERAL sapphire in his eye, I mean I knew it was coming because of the books but still actually seeing it oh my god it’s so beautiful. You described it perfectly he altered my brain chemistry lol.

I literally love you so much literally my top favorites of season one are aemond and alicent. AND I LOVE YOU for hating rhaenyra, her kids, and especially daemon I HATE THEM (I really fucking hate daemon with a passion) BUT NOBODY EVER AGREES WITH ME. They’re the fan favorites and people are so insufferable about them. So for some quick book lore neither side is supposed to be the clear “good guys”, yes of course nyra is the heir and should inherit but there’s so many things in the book that makes her not a good guy just like people on the greens side. But instead the show runners decided to make team black the “good guys” that do no wrong and team green the “bad guys” that have no redeeming qualities. They took away most of nyras bad qualities and made people on team green way worse than they were in the books. I could go on and on about this because it pisses me off 🙄 and honestly I hate them all even more in season 2. I feel like I have to give you a disclaimer I really really didn’t like season 2 as much as season 1, they changed a lot of things from the book and even changed a lot from season 1. But I’ll get into that once you finish season 2 lol. Unfortunately my favs for season 2 are aemond and aegon and I hate alicent, which I never thought I would say 😔

The dragons are my favorite too, I’ve always been obsessed with dragons since I was a kid! I love vhagar so so much I have like 3 different tshirts of her, stickers, paintings, and a model statue of her 🥲 people on social media were so mad at her when she ate luke saying she needed to die like how the fuck are you gonna blame a dragon for eating the dragon that attacked her lmao. Quick lore too I can’t remember if this is mentioned? But because vhagar is the oldest dragon and the only one that was alive during the conqueror’s reign she’s the only “war dragon” basically, she’s the only one that’s been in wars and is experienced. All the other dragons are relatively new and lived during times of peace. So vhagar is really that girl, she’s a badass, she takes no shit lol.

Keep me updated as you watch it, I wanna know your thoughts 👀

I’m not going to lie when I first started watching season 1 I thought rhaenyra and Alicent were gfs I was like 0h ! : ) and then Otto made Alicent go to viserys and I was like oh : ( BUT I STILL LIKE HER even though I’m on season 2 now. I think I’m on episode 4? I just got home from work so I’m excited to watch it hehe IVE BEEN FIENDING ALL DAY THIMKIN ABOUT IT

As far as rightful heirs are concerned, rhaenyra had that birthright and I do agree that she should be crowned however…. Have we considered…. That she’s boring :3 SKSKSK I KID BUT LIKE,;; I already suffered through snoreserys please do not make me sit through another boring monarch at least Aegon is a bit silly

SPEAKING OF AEGON…. I was so upset over his son that poor bb didn’t do anything to anyone 😭😭😭

Okay so I think either they didn’t explain it or somehow I missed it but what is the relevance to Aemond’s sapphire in his eye ?? I swear I was like unaware that it was a gem I was like idk why his bad eye glows like that SKSKSK WILD.

Aegon is growing on me… like a fungus… but I still don’t like the way he treats Aemond it really IRKS MEEE Aemond is fiercely loyal to his family and house and he deserves better !! I was so uncomfortable when they busted up in Sylvi’s room and made him feel all embarrassed though like she’s so milf I am very attracted to her too 👉🏻👈🏻 but Aemond strutting out of the room butt ass naked I was like “ok but… ur pants…”

VHAGAR IS SO COOL I WAS SO STOKED BC THEY DID MENTION THE THING ABOUT HER BEING THE OLDEST BIGGEST DRAGON… Grammy Vhagar…. Also it’s literally insane fans said she should be killed ?? I never even learned Luke’s dragon name but like it spit fire on her ?? And I assume that since she’s been to wars that she has that snap instinct bc I remember them alluding to the fact that dragons change after wars ? SHE IS LITERALLY JUST DOING WHAT ANIMALS DO

Ahhh this show has my brain working… I may have to dust off the sideblog for live action and drop an aemond fic or two…

[dragonballwish]

I love Videl with my entire heart but to see how they showed more of Gohan and Videl's relationship and her importance in Gohan's life and less of his bond with his own little brother who also only appeared in the same saga makes me so sad to no end. We knew more about her and how she is with Gohan and we know of Gohan with Goten or just Goten in general. It's like Goten was made to be snubbed right at the start. (Actually I can say the same with Chi-chi)

Am I just imagining a non-existent problem? It is just me being sensitive at any downplays of platonic and familial bonds to cater for romance? Did they purposely do it to show how macho Gohan is? I am aware of my personal biases in consuming fiction but this I'm nonetheless sad about this

Okay, as someone who loves goten a lot I am maybe biased too but I totally agree !!!!

We missed out on a lot with them barely giving any tidbits about goten— I’d have loved to see more about goten and gohan being brothers, their actual dynamic outside of just excited little brother and mature older brother…like there’s no way they never fought once !!! Or gohan being a guardian figure for goten, helping him with anything like school stuffs too would have been really nice to see.

And like, they gave us little details about how talented goten is and how much potential he has and then immediately sidelined him !!! He’s only relevant when it’s in a side character role with trunks, goten, or goku/chichi as the main role. It’s such a disservice to his character !!! Baby scrimbly boy deserves better !!!

There’s nothing wrong with gohan having a romance but I REALLY feel like buu saga had a lot of … stuffing. In it. A lot of really non-important things that could have easily been taken out and made the arc better. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Buu saga focused on all the things I didn’t care about and completely skipped over the stuff I wanted to see more of!! LOL

So. Yes you’re not the only one. In fact, I am of the opinion that Toriyama has a weird thing against siblings because every sibling ever gets sidelined so hard— and that’s if they’re lucky enough to not have been killed

[ so you want to add some gohan discourse during this gohan discourse time? ]

[courtneysmovieblog]

“Glass Onion” shatters all expectations (in the best possible way)

As far as I’m concerned, Rian Johnson can tell the Stars Wars fandom to eat shit for the rest of his life. 

Knives Out was a fantastic murder mystery with a razor-sharp satire about the idle rich and the racist classism that shapes society, with Daniel Craig breaking out of Bond as Benoit Blanc--a detective who was much sharper than his Southern charm let on. It was such a surprise hit that while people were excited for the sequel, Glass Onion, they were afraid that it wouldn’t be as good as the original.

Well, it’s not. 

It’s better.

Taking place in early COVID days of 2020, Benoit receives an invitation to a murder mystery party on a Greek island. Ridiculously wealthy tech head Miles Brand (Edward Norton) thinks it’s a bright idea to invite all his friends (i.e. associates and hangers-on he financially supports) to come pretend to murder him. And if that description makes you think the guy is an idiot...you’re absolutely right.

And that’s all of the plot I can reveal. Seriously, you need to go into it as spoiler free as you can. The twists are even more mind-blowing than Knives Out.

What I can tell you is that Craig’s Blanc is as fantastic as ever. With an all-star cast like Norton, Dave Bautista, Kathryn Hahn, Janelle Monae, and Leslie Odom Jr, it’s hard to pick the best performance. However, the MVP of the movie has to be Monae, and I’m sorry again, but I really can’t say more about their character without giving anything away.

Glass Onion has EVERYTHING. More biting commentary that’s especially relevant right now. Poignant cameos from the late Stephen Sondheim and Angela Lansbury. Twists more mind-blowing than Knives Out. Impeccable fashion that’s both stylish yet over-the-top. And an ending so cathartic that it makes it one of the best movies of the year.

It sucks that Glass Onion got only a limited week-long theater release before hitting Netflix. It deserved more box office love. But if Rian Johnson can keep cranking out more Benoit Blanc mysteries as good as this, I’ll see them whether it’s in theaters or streaming.

10 out of 10

[trans-kevin-juice]

Slandering Dira and Voira + Overanalyzing Void’s character.

disclaimer: this is gonna be hella long. so, once you click the cut, there’s no going back.

If you like Dira and/or Voira, that’s cool! Cuz I don’t. Just don’t leave any annoying comments complaining about how you think Voira or Dira is great and how I’m stupid for thinking otherwise.

also, please. don’t send hate to tenpiyex (the creator of Dira). he doesn’t deserve that.

also also, the week for Dira’s character backstory isn’t out yet. so. if anything I say here changes, I’ll make a follow up.

Ok. I have no proper introduction for this so I’m just gonna go straight into it.

First off, why the hell is her story writing so ass?? Radi and Lofie’s story was really interesting and well put together, so why did Dira just. Fuck everything up.

I like to think this is because Radi and Dira were created with different intentions.

Radi was made to be an actual character and have his own story and life, while Dira only was made to be Void’s (apparently ‘canonical’) love interest.

Why does Void need a girlfriend so bad that you pull a whole new character out of your ass to give him one??

Didn’t Starbreak already state that Void isn’t all that interested in relationships anyways? It just feels like Ten is trying to push something onto Void’s character for the hell of it.

Speaking of Void and Dira’s ‘relationship’, Void’s personality is so drastically changed that. IT’S HARDLY EVEN VOID ANYMORE.

That’s not Void. That’s an imposter.

He’s so sweet and kind and… sometimes creepy towards Dira, but. The REAL Void would not be entertaining her ass.

He’d just treat her like any other person. Like a single tiny star in the universe. She’d be a NOBODY to Void.

I bet you Void wouldn’t even remember her name. That’s how little Dira matters to Void.

Void hardly gives a shit about his fans, he doesn’t give a shit about his own bodyguards, he only gives a shit about cat. HIS DAMN CAT.

So, someone who just appeared into Void’s life one day with no actual relevance would definitely not be an exception.

I bet Void would only care about Dira if she was damaging his reputation. And even then, WHY IN THE HELL WOULD THEY BE DATING ANYWAYS??

Void cares ALOT about his reputation and fame. It’s practically what he lives for. So, Void would likely only give a shit about Dira if she could possibly destroy his whole career.

Why else do you think he hates Boyfriend so much?

Boyfriend publicly embarrassed him in front of basically ALL of his fans, and he maybe even damaged Void’s reputation with it.

Void was pissed at that.

He literally thought about BF for WEEKS on end, all because BF embarrassed him one singular time.

And so, I feel like that’s the only way Void could actually remember Dira in that tiny little brain of his.

And once again, they wouldn’t even be dating if that were the case. Void would hate Dira’s guts, and he would never EVER like her.

It could probably be an enemies to lovers ship, and well. I’m gonna be honest, that’s 10x better than what the actual Voira is like.

That’s the thing about Voira, it’s so basic and has no interesting dynamics.

It’s not as interesting as friends to lovers, not as unique as enemies to lovers, it doesn’t even follow a specific ship dynamic.

It’s just a ship with no interesting parts or ideas.

Like for example, Radi X Void is actually interesting because their backstory is actually well-written and we get to see their relationship grow more and more loving.

The Accretions X Void is good because we know their actual dynamic, and we know so much about them and their history.

But, VOIRA??

Yeah, it’s just ‘annoying bitchy tsundere girl X decently creepy douchebag’.

And guess what? People hate that dynamic.

It’s lazy, unoriginal, and not even a healthy dynamic. It’s almost similar to ‘Bully X Victim’. Which is, guess what? Straight up abuse!

Not saying that Voira is abusive and toxic and people who ship it are abuse-supporting creeps, but. It’s borderline toxic in my opinion.

Void is constantly bothering Dira even when she shows visible discomfort and Dira frequently insults Void for the tiny things he does.

How the hell are they a ‘cute ship’?

I guess when people see a genuinely unhappy relationship, they just think ‘oohhh they’re so in love and divorced couple vibes’.

Uh, no??

Dira is clearly not happy in their relationship, and too many people don’t see it.

Why? Oh, I know.

Because she’s an oversexualized character that doesn’t get respect.

Yeah, Dira not only was made to be Void’s girlfriend, she was also only made to look pretty.

Like, god forbid she doesn’t get sexualized every two seconds.

Almost all of her official art is just her looking pretty and loving Void. Which is. Boring.

Nobody likes Dira because of her personality or backstory, they only like her because she’s pretty.

No wonder her personality sucks ass, because she doesn’t fucking have one.

Radi is bold and scared of losing the people he loves, Lofie is sweet and lively and will do anything for her brother, Void is egotistical and rude and only cares about his reputation…

And… Dira?

Uhh… She’s… pretty! And uh… Void’s girlfriend. And… uhm… Radi’s sister?

Yeah that’s probably everyone who likes Dira trying to explain Dira’s character to other people.

There is NOTHING unique about Dira when comparing her to other characters. You could remove her from the story, and very little things would actually change.

She’s hardly a major character. She’s supposed to be, but she’s like a background character.

Unimportant, easily forgotten, and only exists for one purpose— To give the story more characters.

To be honest, I feel bad for Dira sometimes.

She could’ve been such a phenomenal character, but no. Every last bit of potential she had went to waste, all for some ship that’s not even that good.

So uhh. Yea. That’s pretty much it.

Thanks for reading my unnecessary slander about some random fictional character <33

[televinita]

Am listening to Taylor Swift music again, and have been seized by the need to talk through some of her older albums -- favorite songs, personal history, whatever comes to mind. Maybe in yet another attempt to try and figure out my overall fave / ranking of them as a set? No real order is planned for this so I thought I’d start with this one, because I realized I actually hadn’t listened to it in quite some time.

(I don't really know what this mini-project is going to be but I’ve been noodling on it for a few nights and now seems as good a time as any to share.)

Background/Overview

When it was new -- and a 2010 Christmas present for me -- it was my favorite of the three, but now I'm not sure. The thing is that it has several songs I like better than the entirety of Fearless (except for #1 fave Change), but it also has a handful I find less interesting compared to that one’s “13 track listings, stars beside them all” success, and I can’t decide how to weight that. It does absolutely have the prettiest cover and booklet, though.

Songs

Ask me my favorite song on this album and I’ll say without hesitation Long Live. I don’t think that will ever change; it’s in my all-time-faves across her whole discography. The twin/companion piece to Change, it never fails to make my heart sing. It came out after I was an adult but it still makes me nostalgic and occasionally teary as hell for high school. Bonus association: this was my mental soundtrack for the end of Glee season 3 too (”for a moment, a band of thieves in ripped-up jeans got to rule the world").

Runner-up faves are Haunted, which really lives up to its name (Wuthering Heights-haunted style, maybe... between the electric guitar tearing open the scene and the chimes, the instrumentation is epic; this may be the only song that actually loses emotional impact as an acoustic/piano version), Better Than Revenge (which is my not-even-that-guilty pleasure and I will JAM OUT to it to this day; "no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity" is SAVAGE and I love it), and The Story of Us ("looks like a lot like a tragedy now" is one of my favorite quotes to bust out in episode reviews about ‘ship destruction, or was when I still did those), which is similarly jam-out-worthy. Ooh, and Sparks Fly is one of those songs where I'm like, "WHY wasn't this a single, it's so good." I’m actually always kind of surprised that one isn’t the album opener; “my mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea” is my anthem for giving shows/ships/characters/episodes way more chances than they deserve. (Grey’s Anatomy. We’re mostly talking about every time I dip back into the Grey’s Anatomy waters). In slow-songs-I-like territory: Enchanted, which is frankly too pretty for the person it’s actually about (but helpfully easy to apply to anyone and relevant to every listener’s life). And Back to December, which suffers rather unjustly from my knowing that it’s about The Boring Taylor, because I used to automatically skip it about half the time, yet every time I actually listen to it I'm shocked to realize it’s way prettier than I remember. Both musically (when male vocals...enhance?? a taylor song??) and lyrically.

As far as the other singles, I kind of killed Mine for myself with overplay, but I do think it's one of the strongest singles she's ever released...and as I’m listening to it now, I think it might be back! What good music, what a sweet scenario, and how much do I love the “brace myself for the goodbye / ‘cause that’s all I’ve ever known...” part.

Mean is fun and deservedly sassy, although it too is recovering from overplay (with the added demerit of being covered in the worst, least appealing possible way on Glee and feeling tainted forever. Once upon a time this was in my top 5 for the CD). Speak Now is fun too, but also...damn, so much more juvenile and mean-spirited to me now than Better Than Revenge. You don't help a dude ditch his bride at their wedding! If he shouldn't be marrying her you talk to him BEFORE THE CEREMONY???? I have definitely lost enchantment with this one over time.

One I don’t know how to feel about: I have to be in the right mood for the song so I don’t always let it play through, but as a late bloomer homebody and perpetual looker-backer, the second half of Never Grow Up really kicked me in the heart when I first heard it. I thankfully never ended up having to experience this, but "here I am in my / new apartment in the big city / they just dropped me off / it's so much colder than I thought it would be / so I tuck myself in, and turn the nightlight on" really described all my deepest fears about graduating from college and still brings a twinge at the mere thought.

On the downturn: unpopular opinion but while Dear John is full of great lyrics, it’s just so damned slow that I skip it almost every time. I’m really hoping it gets reinvigorated by a Taylor’s Version, because whenever I give it a chance, I just end up freshly disappointed by the wasted potential.

Innocent is slightly more compelling music-wise, but still rather slow and often skipped, not least because it just...feels weird. Uneven. There are some great lines and a good idea buried in here, but with its history and context it's so patronizing even when I’m on Taylor’s side that it ends up cringe.

Meanwhile, Last Kiss doesn't even exist to me. It covers the same criminal territory as Back to December but it's EVEN SLOWER. Bonus Tracks I didn't hear them until the end of 2012 and even then only as standalones on Spotify, separate from the album associations, I absolutely love all three, more than the last 5 or 6 above in fact. Ours is the companion piece / sequel to "Mine," If This Were A Movie is sweet, and Superman is so cute and catchy.

[cherrybomb618]

Some CoT shenanigans (?)

I know it's been only a day since I read the book but I need to do this so badlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Here are some thoughts about CoT that I need to get out in the open before they eat me alive. I’m just a fan of this series since 2014 and I’ve been waiting for this book to come since that year.

(Note: English is not my native language so sorry for the mistakes)

-------------------------SPOILER ALERT!!!-----------------------------

In general I can say I really enjoy the book, I liked it a lot. I mean, I did feel it a bit rushed since the Intermission chapter, and at the same time I felt it a bit slowed before the same chapter. I felt as things that were relevant (for example, the bracelet thing or finding Lucie) could be written or summarized in two or three chapters but took so long to resolve. Anyways, I’ll be breaking down some of the stuff that I can’t stop thinking about

1. The love triangle. I mean, WHY? There was already a third person in that relationship (aka Gracelet). I won’t lie, at the beginning I wanted to know what would happen or how would it be if Matthew and Cordelia kissed. But just a kiss, not the whole bridge and hotel scene. While I was reading half of it, I wanted the kissing to stop lol. I mean, you can see how much she drowns in love for James in the past books, but there are just tiny glimpses of her POV when she acknowledges Matthew’s smile, eyes, etc., but not in such a romantic way as when she talks about James, it was more friendly if anything when she talks about Math. That difference made me feel that maybe the scene was kinda out of place. Idk, I just felt as if there wasn’t enough romantic history between these two to make such a scene like that (not the way as in TID where you could see Tessa and Jem having those moments as well as Will and Tessa). Their friendship was really special, and it should have remained that way. This love triangle felt as another way to wound Matthew bc I think everyone knew how it would end.

2. Cristopher’s death. IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT (Of course I’m sad but you know). Because I really wish we could’ve been able to see more of him in the past books. I had a really strong feeling that all his potential was only shown in a few pages of CoT, in the way he helped Matthew with his abstinence and Kit’s reaction and wisdom about all the bracelet thing.  I know he’s similar to Henry’s character (in the way he’s too wrap up in scientistic stuff) but Kit is WAY CLOSER to the Merry Thieves (damn, he was one of the 4 members – and as far as I’m concerned James, Matthew and Thomas characters had similar relevance) and way more INVOLVED in the plot than Henry was on TID. I do think Kit deserved more relevance.

3. The coronation. I had hope it would have some deeper meaning to the plot, as if the coronation would allow Belial’s to take control all over the world, not only London (I can’t recall if it was mentioned, if that’s the case, I would’ve liked more elaboration as to the consequences)  – or for instance, it would had some other frikin’ dark and evil reason as to why he’s been planning all this stuff up since so long ago.

4.  There were too many characters for only three books. I mean, we followed so many storylines and that’s why I felt it was a little rushed in the end. And even in the Epilogue, it didn’t give me a sense of closure (tbh, Idk if that’s for the better) – still, I don’t know why I have this feeling as if there were things left unspoken. Like I was expecting for a conversation between James and Cordelia after everything that they went through. Same for Lucie and Cordelia (this is another thing that had me losing my mind, see next point). I was hoping that we’ll get to see Matthew’s story confession and the whole gang reaction. I thought we would see all and more scenes I wanted to read but there were only sentences that made look as if everything was so unseeingly settle.

As well, there were situations that I thought would be a little bit hard to work out (Anna and Ariadne relationship or Alastair’s confession for reference (Idk if I’m missing something but I don’t recall Sona knowing that Alastair liked men, pls forgive my bad memory if that’s the case ☹)) but at the end it was so simple. I mean, despite everything Anna and Ariadne had said in the past, I was expecting they’re relationship to develop a little more strongly. Idk if that makes sense but I felt such an absence of Anna’s usual character, Idk why (For instance, this is regarding her behavior before Kit’s death). I mean, they never really talked, there were only kisses scenes - but I wanted them to actually sit and settle things down, not in the rush of the moment, like the battle.

5. Cordelia and Lucie relationship. OMG I wanted so bad for them to be parabatai. This was one of the reasons I wanted to read TLH, but tbh I felt as if their relationship was push aside (for most of the series). I know each one of them had a secret but I’d loved to see them bonding more than for a few scenes. And in the end, IDFK when did they worked out their problems. I mean, there were pretty awful words and hurt feelings between them but I don’t know if I missed the part where they apologize – or at least talk about it. Still, I’m happy to see they did get to do the ceremony and all.

6. Grace. For most of my reading of TLH I only thought of her just as a tiny not-so-evil lovely bug that was manipulated by her mother. I didn’t exactly hate her – I felt a strange sympathy for her. It was such a complex character and I liked the way she was developing throughout the book – until the epilogue. Idk what it was but somehow, I felt her ending incomplete.

7. Tatiana’s death. I didn’t want Cordelia to kill anyone. I mean, I know they’re shadowhunters but they kill demons, no humans or someone like them. It was weird at the beginning BUT honestly Idk what other ending I can imagine for all the horrible things Tatiana had done.

Now, things I actually LOOOOOOOOOOVED.

1. The way Matthew’s problem with alcohol was handled. I was so f****** afraid he was going to die bc of it, but he didn’t so I’m happy.

2. One thing that I really loved was the fact the it was the love that James felt for Cordelia what break the bracelet and free him from its power and also overpower his grandfathers will (considering that man was a Prince of Hell). I found it rather poetic.

3. LOVED WILL SENDING FIRE MESSAGES AND THE THELEPHONE THING. THAT WAS SO FRIKIN FUNNY.

4. I didn’t know how much I needed the scene between Tessa and Lucie until I read it. (And the little fraction of sentence were Tessa and Will were fighting the Watchers).

5. This may be controversial, but I feel so conflicted about the ending. I already established that I didn’t get the closure that I’m used to regarding other CC’s books. Still, I can’t help but be happy that the couples (except for Kit and Grace) ended up being together and happy.

[juangallojongaro]

Recently, I spent a non-insignificant sum on tickets to see The Killers during their upcoming Las Vegas residency. A couple months prior, I bought tickets to see Death Cab & The Postal Service perform their now 20 year old breakthrough records. This is not to brag, but only to say: I am not relevant. I am a skeleton. I am an irrelevant skeleton. 

Once I looked at my music list as an Important Document of the Past Year. I’d try to listen to all the stuff, read the lists, and put together a coherent and definitive list. I didn’t do that in 2024; I didn’t try, I didn’t care to try, and, therefore, I just didn’t listen to that much stuff. This is fine! My life is no better or worse for the change! Also, no one gives a shit about what I listened to last (or any) year! 

So, a format change. I’m gonna list a bunch of songs I liked with the normal commentary. After that, I’ll rank my top ten movies of the year and my top five favorite books I read in 2023. Sound good? I think it’s fine.

2023 YEAR IN MUSIC!

Big Thief - “Vampire Empire” A slow dawning of just, like, oh, Big Thief is just one of my favorite bands. They’re hitting that mid-2010’s (teens? Twenty-tens? What are we doing with this one?) The National-zone where every record they put out is a unique and rockin’ bop. This track is a good example of the more aggressive yelly-stuff. 

boygenius - “Not Strong Enough” 2023 was the year of Taylor Swift and the guys were a part of it. My favorite supergroup was at their peak powers last year, releasing the ALBUM OF THE YEAR as well as MY FAVORITE CONCERT OF THE YEAR WHERE I CRIED A BIT DURING “COOL ABOUT IT”. I fucking love that record so much. Before they all blew up, Baker was the stealth star carrying the pathos while Dacus made us sad and Bridgers screamed excellently. Just watch them on SNL; they’re so happy. It’s nice.

The New Pornographers - “Pontius Pilate’s Home Movies” Not much to say about a middling album that produced this banger with the funniest line of the year, “Now you're clearing the room just like Pontius Pilate/When he showed all his home movies/All of his friends yelling, ‘Pilate, too soon’” Side note: You ever notice how English people don’t say “quotation marks,” but instead, “inverted commas?” Frankly, it’s fucked up.

Slaughter Beach, Dog - “My Sister in Jesus Christ” Really enjoyed this album by the former Modern Baseball co-frontman. He’s settled into a more shambolic pop-oriented sensibility which suits him fine.

Sufjan Stevens - “Will Anybody Ever Love Me?” I kinda came to Javelin late but after sitting through several listens it’s definitely in the pantheon of Stevens albums. I’m not sure there’s anything on here that’s a hit, but it’s so lush, dense, and achingly beautiful. He’s a man genius. ALSO ALBUM OF THE YEAR; SURE, WHY NOT?

Taylor Swift - “Cruel Summer” I don’t care this song came out in 2022. I’m in my Lovers Era! It’s pop perfection! I love(er) it! I have a lot of thoughts about Taylor Swift but no one caaaaaaaaaares. Go Chiefs.

Wednesday - “Chosen to Deserve” A twangy, meandering tune about all the embarrassing things you did when you were younger and still torment you and will forever except now you’re in love so maybe it won’t be so bad anymore? BONUS: Really enjoyed MJ Lenderman’s live album; those Wednesday folks are doing great!

2023 YEAR IN CINEMA!

Best Pictures

Past Lives (*****)

Anatomy of a Fall (****1/2)

Godzilla Minus One (****1/2)

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (****1/2)

The Zone of Interest (****1/2)

Poor Things (****1/2)

Barbie (****)

All of Us Strangers (****)

Oppenheimer (****)

Showing Up (****)

Four Daughters (****)

Honorary Mention

Stop Making Sense (****)

Best Short Film

Donald Trump NOOOOOOO

The First Twelve Seconds of the Maestro Trailer “If Movie List doesn’t sing in you, then nothing sings in you. And if nothing sings in you, you can’t make Movie List.”

2023 YEAR IN BOOKS!

(In no particular order)

Nixon Agonistes: The Crisis of the Self-Made Man by Garry Wills

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton

The Narrow Road to the Deep North by Richard Flanagan

The Goodbye People by Gavin Lambert

Blood Meridian or The Evening Redness in the West by Cormac McCarthy

[skywitchmaja]

DING DING DING 🛎🛎🛎 NEWWWW TEEN WOLF CHARACTER TIER LIST IS OUT!

s tier: stiles (my best friend), lydia (beautiful talented popular genius quasi-psychic banshee icon)

a tier (beloved <3): scott (angel sweetheart) stiles dad and scott’s mom (tied), allison (with two ell’s rip), isaac (he’s like stiles lite to me idk i love him)

b tier (besties): dannyyyyy (he’s such a genius for seeing that there was supernatural shit going on and simply deciding it wasn’t his problem. way smarter than jackson that’s for sure), kira (she’s so sweet and also i have a cousin named kira! :-) ), boyd (deserved better rip), cora (i love derek’s angry little sister bring her back, i love addelaide kane i love when she shows up in my long running melodramas no i have never seen an episode of reign), derek (fail alpha <3 the best case of those who can’t do teach <3), COACH! (never dissapoints)

c tier (mixed feelings): kira’s parents (they’re very cute however they DID try to kill MY best friend stiles so), nogitsune(cool villain i have to admit), deacon (veterinarian of the year. however i feel like they’re giving peter more of the supernatural advisor role now whats up with that?)

d tier (who?): morrel (she’s so mysterious, like she’s mostly On Our Side, but you can never tell exactly what she’s got in the works. keeps you guessing. love it.), malia (i need more from her to rank her higher sorry. have a feeling i’ll get that in s4), the twins (sorry i simply do not care and also they helped kill boyd), the girl morrel sent to protect isaac (she seems kind of interesting like what is her deal? she’s like hired gun for werewolves? i wish she was there for more than three seconds), evil sexy english teacher (i thought she was gonna be plot relevant but NOT LIKE THAT! cool villain), kali (wear shoes freak. however i do like the toxic gay dynamic implied between her and the evil sexy english teacher), duchaleon or however you spell it (sometimes a cool villain sometimes i was just tired of him tbh), scott’s dad (he seems to be shooting for a redemption arc. good luck to him ig), the deputy (he’s alright i mean he fills a role)

f tier: peter (maybe i’m starting to find him funny occasionally but i still wish people i don’t like would stay dead ffs), evil chemistry/physics/bio teacher (i am not sorry he’s dead he will not be missed <3), any other alphas in the pack (sorry i don’t remember or care), gerard (i’m glad he’s stuck in a room coughing up black blood fuck that guy)

[cheekygreenty]

Hi, I just saw your prompt list for Shadow&Bone!! could you possibly do No. 2 from Angst, but like with a happy ending? Like reader n Kirigan are togeather but then Alina's comes along.. just, please let be happy at the end. I like angst, but my heart can't handle sad endings 😢😢 thank you!!! ❤❤

Future- The Darkling x Reader

(Very very angsty with a happy (?) ending. It made me cry a lil bit writing it ngl)

You trusted him, wholeheartedly. At least that's what you told yourself every day since she came to the Little Palace; the place you had always called home, where you felt safe from the prying eyes of the public.

Yet now, the place was fueled by harsh rumors of him and her. Everywhere you went you could hear a whisper, nobody tried to hide it anymore, the words were always entirely devoted to your crumbling union;

'I thought they were happy'

We were.

'How can he and Alina not be together, it's destiny.'

I'm starting to think so too.

You didn't acknowledge it. Just put on a sweet smile and a brave face. Don't let them see you're hurting. Even in your own home, you had to pretend and lie, which at the end of the day, when you laid in an empty bed, made you exhausted.

He told you she meant nothing more to him than a mere weapon. But that was when she first came and when he still managed to make it to your shared chambers and would whisper sweet nothings as you fell asleep.

It was different now, on more than one occasion you caught a glimpse of them together, him looking at her the way he always looked at you. However much he claimed to be a good actor and manipulator, there was something there and he couldn't deny it either.

You hadn't confronted him about it yet fearing that if you did, the truth would hurt and sting and make all those rumors true. In addition, you haven't seen him in days and the last time you did, he told you to stay away from the wonderful Sun-Summoner.

The truth was you knew deep down in your heart that she wasn't at fault. That she was not the root of the problem. You constantly fought with yourself to stop any hatred you felt towards her. She was lovely, kind compassionate, and innocent. She didn't deserve to feel your wrath.

But with that came the confusion of who to blame. You or Him. It made you tired and weak. The smallest of tasks made you drained and tears would well in your eyes at the thought of having to live another day like this, a day full of questioning yourself and the man you loved more than anything in the world.

No matter how much of a strong person you swore you were, this was taking a substantial toll on you. He had become your support network and he knew it, he loved it. He always said he finally felt appreciated when you came around, that he wasn't alone anymore. He had conditioned you to be this way. When times got tough, he was always your shoulder to cry on.

No doubt that shoulder was now next to Alina. Perhaps they went on a horse ride, visited the Black Heretic fountain, or were enjoying a rendezvous next to the lake.

You didn't want to know, all that mattered was that he wasn't there with you when you were falling apart. Maybe you relied on him too much.

You wondered if he noticed the whispers too, or the way you'd been missing crucial meetings, or even if he noticed you wearing your red kefta more often, ditching the black once you'd heard Genya speak of making a golden-black kefta for Alina, per the Darkling's request.

That was a punch in the gut. It hurt more than him avoiding conversation with you or even his deterrence of touching you. He had bestowed his colors to her when not even three months ago he didn't know she existed. It had taken you a long time to gain his trust and don his signature black yet all she had to do was waltz in and show up. And it hurt.

And now here you were, training the next generation of heartrenderers, as you did almost every day. You had given your life to the Little Palace and its Grisha and this is how you were being repaid. Not even Ivan, who you had shaped into an excellent soldier, had looked your way lately.

'Excuse me Ms. Y/L/N I have an urgent request from the General' You whipped your head around to the young Grisha boy with an obviously hurt look on your face which he couldn't understand.

'Of course' you choked out and took the piece of paper from his hands and watched him in sorrow as he left.

Ms.Y/L/N? what happened to moya sovereignny? You were never one to uphold the formality, but this was just another blow to your confidence. You were no longer referred to as his other half which only meant your position in the palace was quickly dwindling.

You opened the wax-sealed envelope and took out the thick sheet of paper. There was a time when he himself would deliver the news to you himself and use it as an excuse to spend extra time with you.

'I cannot make it to the meeting with the King this evening, attend and report back to me anything relevant, no horse business'

You scoffed loudly, drawing attention from the young Corporalki around you and leaned on the table in front of you. Not even a please or thank you. With the note clutched in your hand and tears of frustration in your eyes, you stormed out of the Corporalki room and towards his war room.

You peeked through the open door and seen him. He didn't look at all busy as he chatted with Zoya, Ivan, Fedyor, and some other Squaller you didn't recognize. Zoya threw her head back in laughter at something Fedyor said but Aleksander kept his stony expression. You threw the door open dramatically and everyone froze.

'Leave us' you cautioned as Aleksander's onyx eyes looked right into your own.

Nobody moved but Zoya was the first to speak ' Y/N, we're actually in a meeting if you couldn't tell' while everyone nodded along, except him.

You never had anything against anyone in that room, but in that moment you couldn't help yourself and used your small science to bring everyone to their knees in front of you, except him.

'Leave us' His voice rang out in the midst of their sharp breaths and chest-clutching. They scrambled to their feet and left one by one, Fedyor quietly muttering 'moya sovereignny' as he passed you which filled you with some courage. The door shut and the sound echoed over the walls.

You threw the note across the room and let it hit his arm. 'Did you forget your manners General? Or does it only apply to the people you claim to love?'

'Funny you should say that Y/N, you haven't attended any meetings in weeks without providing a reason. You're making me look like a fool'

'I'M MAKING YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL?!' Your tears were now streaming down your face, falling quicker than you could wipe them away.

He stayed silent and that broke your heart even more, he could've said something, anything.

'Aleksander, I'm trying to keep myself together for everyone, I'm trying so very hard to appear normal and happy but I don't think I can do this any longer. The whispers and the rumors, watching you and her-' You slid down the door and sat on the floor, head resting on your knees. '-It's getting to me.... and it's killing me.'

You thanked the Saints you didn't see his face, for the silence spoke for itself. He didn't deny anything or reach out to comfort you. I've lost him.

'All I wanted was a happy ending.' You laughed a sad laugh that pulled at his heartstrings. With your eyes still facing away from him, you didn't see his hand go up to wipe the lone tear that fell down his face or the slight shake in his hands as he did so. He had no words that would comfort you. He knew what he'd done. He'd been avoiding you ever since he realized it. He didn't want to see you cry or see how his actions affected you.

Telling you that it means nothing to him was of no use. You had it in your mind now, forever engrained around his name, the rumors wouldn't stop and Alina was still around. He truly felt nothing of importance for her. All she meant for him was a key to a better future with you.

He approached you slowly, getting down on his knees next to you. He took your hand in his and held it up to his lips. He never prayed, but right now he silently muttered words to all the Saints. Don't let her leave.

'I'm so sorry Darling. Y/N I love you so much.'

'But you love her more' You yanked your hands away.

'NO. no. Y/N. I swear it. You are everything to me' He had grown serious now, he wanted you to look at him. He missed you.

'Then explain why you're parading her around like a Queen, letting her wear your colors, probably sleeping in her bed'

'I have never toucher her in that way. I'm yours Y/N.' Please look at me.

You lifted your head and looked at his beautiful face. He too looked tired, exhausted. His eyes were red and puffy. Saints, I've never seen him cry.

'You will have a happy ending. I promise Darling' He took your face into his hands and connected your foreheads together. 'I promise. I'm doing everything I can to make sure you will, and even if I can't, I swear you will you and our children-'

Children. Aleksander never spoke of them to the point where you had settled with the idea you'll never have them. Something about the desperation in his voice made you believe him, Aleksander was strong, he never gave up but he also never sacrificed himself for anybody. Up until now, you didn't think yourself worthy enough to be saved in exchange for him.

'-I would give up everything to see you and them safe, away from harm's way. Right now, the world doesn't deserve them, but once I do what I have to do, I'll give you children. However many you want, Just stay. Please'

You were borderline hysterical as you melted into his embrace. Weeks of frustration and hurt disappeared into thin air. Aleksander held you so tight you were having trouble breathing but you didn't care. He held you all day and all night. All meetings and tasks forgotten.

He explained everything in detail, from the stag and firebird to what happens if things don't go to plan. He kept nothing from you, not even the stress and pressure he felt. You comforted him as he always does to you. You fell asleep together and dreamed of a life with a happy ending, one where you never had to doubt his motives, you dreamed of your future.

Taglist (if you want to be added, plz tell me!)

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @lostysworld

@0-artemis

[k-s-morgan]

Hi!! First of all, Ukraine deserves help and solidarity and peace, contrary anons are disgusting. Second, I love your Tomarry. My actual question: what do you think Hannibal was doing, framing Will in S1? Did he really want to have him internated in the asylum?

Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words <3 Today is a particularly bad today for Ukraine, but thankfully, there are things I love to distract myself with a bit. 

With the framing, there are two major versions. One is supported by Mads, another one is supported by Bryan. I believe in the one Mads described because this is exactly what I felt when I was watching S1, so I’ll focus on it.

Version 1

I think Hannibal never intended to seriously frame Will, but he was forced to do it in Releves (E12 of S1) because Will got too close to the truth without being ready to accept it. 

Throughout S1, Hannibal has been actively trying to make Will realize he’s a killer and make it easier for him to accept it. He’s been planting suspicions around him but not the actual evidence. He wanted to back Will into a corner where he would have to either self-destruct out of guilt or to say ‘fuck it’ and embrace who he is. He and Will discuss it in E5, when talking about the Angel Maker: “Angel Maker will be destroyed by what’s happening inside his head. You don’t have to be.”

If Hannibal wanted to actively frame Will, he would have started taking much more decisive actions. Like with Sutcliffe: the FBI immediately determined that Will didn’t kill him. Hannibal was in a hurry, sure, but he could have planted at least some actual evidence. He saw for himself that Georgia was completely out of it, so he could at least paint Will’s fingers with blood and give the knife to him; better yet, he could quickly kill Georgia and set Will up for double murder. That would be very easy to do.

Similarly, apart from Sutcliffe, Hannibal tries to make Will believe he killed Georgia’s friend Beth (not seriously but he deliberately talks about it like that to make Will at least consider it, to which Will protests). He always uses the available victims to make Will accept the idea of him being a killer a little more. He uses various approaches, including reverse psychology and direct faulty suggestions for that. He affects Jack’s opinion to create a bigger distance between him and Will, hoping that Will will become fed up with such treatment sooner and accept the other side of the veil.

At the same time, Hannibal never actually does anything that could really set Will up. He does it only during Releves, after Will refuses to listen to him. Will insists he’s going to take Abigail home because he can catch the Copycat, and Hannibal tries to talk him out of it. Then he is shown as frustrated and upset after Will storms out - he closes his eyes in defeat, as if forced to do what he would have preferred to avoid. That’s when he uses the recording and plants the real evidence.

Hannibal is crying when talking to Bedelia after Releves. Mads said Hannibal is always emotionally genuine and I don’t see a point in this scene unless it’s to show that he’s genuinely upset. His plan of a family got delayed, he was forced to set Will up, and Abigail went into hiding. Hannibal voices his annoyance at Will for that, so to me, it once again shows he didn’t want it to happen. He found how to twist this situation to his advantage but I don’t think it was ever his big intention. As a back-up plan in case of an accident or if no methods worked and Will continued to deny who he is - maybe, but I don’t think Hannibal was ready to give up and use this option then. The circumstances forced his hand.

That’s what Mads said: “There was never the intention to frame Will for anything, but the problem was that the arrows were starting to point towards Hannibal.” You can also see bloodsmile’s analysis of it here https://k-s-morgan.tumblr.com/post/164015612368/hannibalstan-k-s-morgan-typicalher.

Version 2

Another version supported by Bryan is that Hannibal wanted to push Will as far down as possible to trigger his fury and his Becoming. Here’s a meta about it https://www.reddit.com/r/HannibalTV/comments/d3qqg6/hannibals_long_game_spoilers/. Here’s Bryan’s quote: “I think that everything that Hannibal has done to Will has been a radical, unorthodox form of therapy. I would argue that all of the deeds still come from a place of genuine care. He is trying to help Will see himself better and get to a truer version of who Hannibal thinks Will is. Even setting him up to take the fall for these murders has been an act of therapy, in Hannibal’s mind.”

So I believe in the first version, but the two of them are possible! The most important thing is, framing was never intended to be long-lasting. Hannibal treated Will as his potential partner from the start.

[glowingbadger]

Hi! Could you do SFW and NSFW relationship headcanons for Raphael and Hubert, please?

(P.S. I swear I sent this in a few weeks ago but you must not have gotten it. I am mortified at the chance I accidentally sent it to another blog!)

Your timing is incredible- your request was literally the next one on my list haha :3 So no worries, it got to the right place! I'm just still catching up a bit lol. Let's talk Raph and Hubie!

Raphael, Hubert x GN Reader

SFW (nsfw below the cut)

Raphael:

- Raphael is such an absolute sweetie as a boyfriend. He's very nurturing and just a healthy level of protective, but he also knows that he's not perfect and is willing to listen to you when you need something different from him, or just to vent. He's also endlessly uplifting, always instinctively looking on the bright side of things and eager to open up that sunny perspective to share with you.

- As we all know, the way to Raph's heart is through his stomach. If you're even a little skilled in the kitchen, you've got an easy in to spending time with him whenever you like. If you're not much of a cook, he's happy to be a taste-tester until you've got it figured out. Though it's not like his palette is incredibly refined, so you might not get the most nuanced feedback.

- It is essential that you meet his little sister's approval- it's practically like courting a single father. Her happiness is his utmost priority, so one day when she mentions off hand that she can't wait for you all to spend time together again, he practically starts tearing up and warmth fills his chest. Knowing that you get along with the other most important person in his life just reaffirms his affections for you a thousand fold.

- His idea of a date pretty much always involves food, and with his energetic and warm personality, those kinds of dates are easy to enjoy. If you suggest other ideas though, while he might not be sure it's his "thing" at first, he'll quickly find something to get excited about and invested in. Besides, when he's with you, he has a hard time caring about anything but watching you just be your wonderful self, all with a wide, goofy smile on his face.

Hubert:

- Hubert quietly dotes on you. His love language is absolutely acts of service. This is largely because he finds it so hard to believe- practically disorienting- that you'd want to be with him of all people. As such, he does everything in his power to ensure that you're provided for. You may not even realize the lengths he's willing to go to for some time, as he has a habit of doing helpful or sweet things for you without your knowledge. Maybe it takes a vaguely threatening "chat" with some disrespectful knave who's been trying to get your attention, or perhaps there's a tear in your favorite shirt that he has sent to be repaired without ever mentioning it. Hubert doesn't seek praise- only your happiness.

- that said... He does absolutely melt when you do praise or compliment him. He does his best to appear stoic, but his face turns bright red when you tell him how lucky you are to be with someone so considerate and conscientious. Funnily, when he's riding high on his adoration for you (whatever you would call Hubert's version of feeling warm and fuzzy), not much changes other than that he's less conversational, appearing exceptionally introspective. The truth is just that he can't stop thinking of you and this bizarre feeling you've nurtured in him.

- he will NEVER admit this and will strike fear into the soul of any who would suggest it- but when others give him romantic advice, he does take note. When Edelgard suggests he have flowers sent to you for no particular reason, or Ferdinand recommends he take you riding through the countryside on a particularly lovely day, he does consider them and possibly even follow through.

- listen. The first time Hubert returns to his quarters from a late night "mission" to see you waiting up for him, struggling to stay awake to greet him and make sure he's okay, he's just... A puddle. He holds you so close and so tight, resting his face in your hair without a word. He's simply so overwhelmed that he should ever be so fortunate as to be welcomed home by someone he loves.

NSFW 18+ v

Raphael:

- Raph is a Big Boy and a Strong Boy, and those two facts are never more relevant than when things start getting heated. He's had one or two prior sexual partners (people from his hometown who came onto him- he enjoyed it well enough, but he's WAY more into it after falling for you), so he generally knows what he's doing, but likes a bit of guidance. He worries a lot about hurting you, but also enjoys showing off his strength and stamina for you- so letting you set the pace tends to work best overall.

- He openly loves it when you compliment his muscles and physique, reminding him of just how big and strong he is compared to you and how easily he lifts and positions you. Hearing it from your lips energizes him and makes him more determined than ever to pleasure you and take care of any and all of your needs. He's a bit clumsy about some of the finer operations involved- but honestly, sometimes it's hot enough just to feel his large and powerful fingers spreading you open. It's hard to lament his lack of dexterity when he can so easily fill you and reach your every sensitive spot at once.

- He's really not much one for power-play, or any kind of spicy roleplay. He simply doesn't see the point. Raphael would always rather just tell you openly how amazing and gorgeous you are as you ride his big, thick cock. You're so small even when you're above him, and he can't help wanting to hold you as your stretched out little hole takes him again and again.

- Raphael can resist cumming for a long time for the privilege of getting to fuck as many orgasms out of you as possible. He's got some impressive stamina. He'll lift and reposition you several times, then very carefully ease his huge member back into you, giving you plenty of time to acclimate to him filling you up from a new angle. There's no question that you'll be satisfied by the time he finally cums- but once he's done, he's done. Raphael cums hard, and a good volume, and once he's ridden out his climax, all he wants is to cuddle you on his broad chest and maybe share a snack, then drift off for a nap together.

Hubert:

- I've talked about some general spicy ideas for Hubie before in the past, so definitely check my masterlist for those (I love this miserable bastard so fucking much-). Overall, I see him as a classic, domineering Dom in the bedroom. Hubert needs a certain level of control over everything in his life to feel even a little at-ease, and intimacy is no exception. It won't take long into a relationship with him for it to become clear that he's happiest and most satisfied when you're a good, docile little pet for him.

- It's not extremely obvious at first, but Hubert's body is very sensitive and very touch-shy, simply due to lack of exposure. He's had a few sexual partners, though largely for pragmatic, political purposes, so the experience of being with you and wanting so badly to be truly intimate with you is completely new to him. Add this to the fact that, at his core, he still believes you deserve so much better than he could ever give you in all things, and you've got yourself a complex over-thinker in your bed. This is part of why dominating you is so soothing to him. When you're his personal needy kitten, he can direct you as he pleases, catering your treatment to his comfort level.

- Hubert gets very invested in the finer details of your submission. He takes great care to select a collar custom made for you, and will manage everything from your posture to your line of sight to when you're allowed to cum. He does not suffer brats; misbehaving will result in literal hours of punishment, and you're lucky if it only amounts to spanking. He's much more likely to tie you, or even magically restrain you on his bed completely exposed (or in a shamefully erotic outfit) and tease your clit/head of your cock until tears wet your eyes and you beg him to be allowed to cum.

- That all said, if you're a very, very good pet for him- or if you're someone a bit more shy or anxious in bed, he is capable of being a very soft and caring Dom. This even surprises him, but he can't help brushing a gloved hand to your cheek as you take his cock into your pretty lips, and he murmurs, "That's right, my dearest, just like that. You're doing wonderfully- just a little longer for me and I swear that I'll satisfy you."

[marinerofthestars]

screaming into the void about arcane ep 5

Oh dang young Cait? GRAYSON? We be in flashback territory me hearties

Cool motive, still a cop

Wow Marcus really didn’t want anyone to know too much about his scapegoat (presuming he arrested Vi as a “dangerous criminal” to help him climb the career ladder)

Interesting – Cait knows who Silco is? And he’s an industrialist??

well looks like it’s time for some good old fashioned casual prison brutality

And now I’m wondering whether this is meant to show “there are no good cops, by being one you’re part of a fundamentally fucked institution”, or whether Riot are wimps and we’re trying to go “nOt AlL cOpS aRe BaD aPpLeS”

Well your city’s values are shit, but they did try to do something, so…kudos to them I guess

interesting, is that his kid or the kid of one of the Enforcers who got killed?

nvm

a good old not so subtle threat from Silco, but also him petting the dog and showing he gives a shit about people

Viktor, why do I get the sense that you’re one of those people?

well damn good on Jayce for actually trying to do something about the system

yesssss squirm Marcus, squirm like the maggot you are

Double helix…is this the origin of the Glorious Evolution? Is it really just going to be the result of magic-induced hallucinations? Or is Vik having an idea?

Interesting contrast of the blood and the steel of the guardrail, there’s probably a metaphor about humanity’s relationship to technology or the inevitability of emotion overcoming modernity’s logic, but I’m too lazy to find it

“To the realm of heebie-jeebies” Jayce you better not be trying to emulate Icathia young man

NOOOOO POWDER POOR BABY

Cait aren’t those tickets expensive? Oh wait you’re rich, you probably don’t think of it as a big expense (shower thought: do rich people think of themselves as being average money-wise? or are they aware what’s not a lot of money to them is an obscene amount to others?)

vi be doin parkour, trying to escape? or? Do some good old fashioned pursuer-pursued flirtation???

wait is that you, bald guy from the blonde Shimmer monster teenager’s gang? did you grow up?

“My little sister” ow

yeah honestly I’m with Viktor, using magic as a battery is nice and all but you can do so much more than you are with reality as your clay

roll credits

Ah, the good old “thing that the straight man thought was relevant isn’t and the wise guy seems to know less than they made themselves out to” trope

and a double switcheroo! “seemingly irrelevant task turns out to be important”

Ah Mel, as slimy and manipulative as ever (wait can someone tell me the optics are on the main “capitalist running dog” character being a black woman? I feel like that’s a little iffy but I’m not black and so don’t feel super qualified to judge)

Oh god it’s the scene from the trailer but EVEN WORSE

OH POWDER I AM SO SORRY YOU DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER

Remember when we just thought POW was meant to be a shorthand for “I like explosions” rather than a nickname? Good times, good times

ah a lovely visual metaphor for Powder’s fear she’s not strong enough

yeah bad mouthing Vi’s home, dumb move Cait

“favors among friends” my ass, you’re the problem with the system

yeah Jayce was VERY clearly uncomfortable with being offered councilor (could he have said no?)

well this seems…relatively innocuous (“support me and I’ll make sure you get access to my new stuff first”)

but of course, the fool shakes the devil’s hand, and his soul falls to the sound of laughing gods

beautiful violin music for fucked up politics tho! Wonder if it’s on YouTube or the Arcane OST

hey Cait be more sex positive! though with your background I can’t say I blame you, societal standards around sex work suck

*gasp* VICAIT VICAT VICAIT VICSIT

WOMEN YES YOU GO GIRL

omg that horrendously bad southern accent that immediately goes back to British/Piltovan(?)

“pirate”

oh my GOD

YOU

yussy is canonically plot-relevant I can’t

ah the coin stained with Grayson’s blood, Very Symbolic (but seriously why would he keep that coin? Even if it’s a reminder shouldn’t the blood be brown?)

OH SHIT THAT’S A WAY TO REMOVE A CHARACTER FROM THE PICTURE

HOW IS SILCO GOING TO SURVIVE THIS??

nvm Marcus continues to suck

I mean Topside will definitely have political and economic power – being able to explode skulls with magic doesn’t necessarily translate to true power, as lots of fiction is eager to forget

well, that plus I’m pretty sure he’s more a bio than a physics/mechanics/thaumaturgics guy

Yussy giving us some good old fashioned “do what you gotta do” survivor mentality

I am a mariner of the good ship Vicait but just this??? Cait?? Being tender?? With another woman??? 🥺🥺🥺 A+

Mel I’m sorry but you are so full of shit

viktor: Heterosexuality? in My laboratory? you fool. you nincompoop. you turnip holding dullard. my only loves are unethical science and glaring at jayce talis as i enter a state of sophisticated malding

and red, for the Evolution yet to come

oh shit *this* is the Evolution’s birth! presumably Viktor will wake up, see the hextech reacted to his blood, and realize integrating hextech with flesh is the way to go

ooh 2D fluid animation

Well fuck they just

What

Wh

Uh

Why are they intercutting these two scenes

I got spoiled and knew there was a Jayce/Mel sex scene at some point but why did they have to frame it like that

“better then gen:LOCK’s” my ass

Guess there’s your equal and opposite reaction – for every tender Cait and ViCait scene, there’s a really weird het sex scene

damn Jayce is really just this post but steampunk

Silco: dips

jinx: “um dad are you okay this can’t be happening again”

is it just me or does Silco look actually hot after that chem dip? If nothing else his hair’s def slicked back

Powder this might sound good but I promise you it’s gonna fuck you up in the end

“You’re strong now” kiddo you gotta make like Allison Ruth and realize that strength beyond strength is found only in those you love

“Jinx is perfect” oh god does he know what this means to her?

uh Silco why do you gotta hold her Like That

and this DEFINITELY isn’t healthy are you going to give her a rebreather Silco? Is she just going to hold her breath??? What if she emerges a new kickass woman and then dies a week later from septic shock???

JINX SHIMMER TRANSFORMATION?

no

something better

BWOMP

BWOMP (LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF)

IT’S THE BOYS

THEY CANONICALLY EXIST IN UNIVERSE

WAS THAT MUSIC VIDEO OF THEM RELEASED BEFORE ACT II OR AM I JUST BEHIND

BECAUSE IF IT WAS RELEASED BEFORE THEN DAMN THAT’S A NICE TEASER

I am now just realizing that I would like sevika to please step on me

Bastard man is miserable at work! Good for him

wow that drawing does NOT bode well for his chances of survival (also can we please just let shitty cops be shitty without any redemption arcs? bad people can have sympathetic qualities but still be bad people)

Part of me – a small, silent part – feels kinda bad for Mel, because to the surprise of nobody it turns out being a manipulative elite is lonely

Oh

Oh fuck

This is much worse than just nausea and a nosebleed

Ah some good ol major arcana! though I’m not sure if they represent people or events, or if it’s just a cool little detail that ultimately doesn’t mean anything

YOU GO VI

oh so those guys ARE blonde shimmer monster’s old gang members! Bald guy got his nose fucked up tho

Wait it’s been a While since I saw Act I, did Vi and Sevika know each other? or is she a traitor in a broader class traitor sense?

ah the good ol fashioned slow mo cape throw off. bit cliche, but still classic!

OOF that’s gotta have hurt

okay at first I was wondering if I was overanalyzing this fight scene but. there’s definitely something iffy about all the protags being white and more antagonistic characters (Mel, Sevika) being POC

okay make the darker skinned woman display visibly animalistic behavior okay okay yep this is totally fine /s

at first I wasn’t sure how I felt about how the punches’ weight not seeming to connect, but yeah it’s very clear that this is a visceral fight, like episode 1 – no theatrics, just two people trying to beat the ever living shit out of each other and gradually wearing each other down

oh that reaction to her name is subtle but speaks volumes

OH FUCK

a mortal wound, to body and soul

Cait not saying you should have but you could absolutely have headshot her, especially in that brief pause where you looked all cinematic-like

thank you for proving my point Vi

Again, not saying killing her was justifiable (though maybe I’m overthinking how much socioeconomics influence the morality of a no punches pulled fight) but it’s kinda yours Cait

“But you’re so sweet. Like a cupcake.” “Shut up.” MY HEART

oh fuck Jinx is gonna use magic, like not just as a battery but actually do reality warping shit, oh god oh fuck

also as an aside: LOVE how Arcane portrays Jinx here. it’s nice to see the fact that she’s not only a mechanical genius (all her weapons? SHE BUILT THOSE HERSELF), but a mechanical genius who deals with psychosis (in maybe less than healthy ways, but still) highlighted, rather than just having her be “haha funny crazy explosion girl

Sevika: comes in clearly having been beaten up and with a busted arm

Silco: dammit sev I just got done with my eye goop needle

act ii finale is going to wreck me isn't it

[tricktster]

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.