#he’s probably talking to Patton

[onlyangel4]

onlyangel4 1k event - P2. LH44. SMAU.

trope: soft launch

pairing: lewis hamilton x actress!reader

faceclaim: candice patton

y/ninsta posted a story

written: exciting things happening today

mercedesamgf1 posted a story tagging y/ninsta

written: actress y/n y/ln has joined us down in the silverstone paddock today !

y/ninsta posted a story tagging lewishamilton and georgerussell

written: the merc boys have arrived in style!

y/ninsta posted a story

written: huge congratulations to sir lewis hamilton on his home win

f1wags

liked by user1, user2, user3 and 129,384 others

f1wags: so lewis has just confirmed that he is in a relationship !

when asked about how he was going to celebrate his win his answer was "i'm probably just going to go home with my girlfriend and watch a bad film, that is how we celebrate everything"

when asked to elaborate on who is girlfriend he just shook his head, laughed and walked off

view all 12,329 comments

user1: i am much too nosey for this shit, lewis i need to know who she is

user2: he looked so happy when he was talking about her and that is what he deserves

user3: i an just happy he finally has someone

lewishamilton posted a story

written; wins are so much sweeter with you by my side

y/ninsta posted a story

written: date night!

lewishamsightings posted a story

written: lewis with a fan in central london today !

y/nfan posted a story

written: y/n is up for a bafta tonight, fingers crossed !

lewishamsightings posted a story

written: lewis has made a surprise appearance at the baftas

y/ninsta posted a story

written: i just got home and de-glammed i just wanted to say i love you all and thank you all for helping me win my first major acting award, i'm crying while typing this

y/ninsta posted a story

written: this is how i got home because i was "too emotional to walk"

lewishamilton posted a story

written: so obsessed with you

y/ninsta

liked by lewishamilton, georgerussell and mercedesamgf1 and 2,19,231 others

tagged: lewishamilton

y/ninsta: it has now been a month since i won that beautiful bafta (which is currently sat on the trophy case watching me write this) i have one final thank you to make. a massive thank you to the man that ran lines with me for this role, the man who convinced me to audition for the part in the first place, the man who has been by my side for two brilliant years. i love you more than anything in the world lew, i could not have done this without your constant support.

view all 368,829 comments

lewishamilton: i am so incredibly proud of you my love

y/ninsta: i love you more than anything

mercedesamgf1: thank you for finally hard launching y/n now i don't have to spend hours editing you out of the back ground of pictures

y/ninsta: thank you for your service admin

carmenmundt: does this mean i can finally post our double dates

y/ninsta: of course my love

user4: wdym two years, how tf were we so blind

user5: i love them so much

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

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[goldenduckie]

Hey guys wanna see my silly angel demon au

I thought itd be a lot of fun to make the light sides demons and dark sides angels

More art and rambling under the cut! Id love it if you looked!

Ok im gonna ramble! Shoutout to @not-sure-what-im-feeling for contributing a lot of ideas and support to this au🫶

Roman Logan and Patton are demons

Virgil Janus and Remus are angels

Roman and Remus are brothers (ofc)

Roman used to be an angel but he fell and is now a fallen angel

The fall hurt :(

Roman then befriends Logan and Patton (or rather patton befriends him and logan warms up to roman)

Janus is a seraphim, and a pretty high ranking angel

Virgils role as an angel is to “deal with” and kill demons

Virgil and roman used to be good friends in heaven, but after romans fall virgil lost all respect for him and tried moving on from whatever friendship they had because hes a demon now and virgil assumes hes a bad guy

Roman still thinks fondly of his friendship with virgil :)

Remus really misses his brother

Theres probably more but i forget rn, if youre curious about anything please ask me id love to talk about this au🙏🙏

[nb-octopus-writes]

once you're in the hive, the other bees assume you're supposed to be there

[Masterpost]

Summary:

Virgil accidentally gets absorbed by his best friend's brother's polycule.

In his defense, they keep feeding him every time they see him, and Patton's cooking is really good.

Chapter 1: Halloween Party

Wordcount: 1.9K

~

There are a lot of people Virgil doesn't know at this party. Remus is here, somewhere, and Virgil needs to find him again before the party ends, because Remus was his ride and he doesn't want to get left here. Janus is here too though, and Virgil doesn't think Janus would let Remus leave without him, and he's sure Remus wouldn't desert Janus, so he's trying not to worry too much about the fact that he doesn't currently know where Remus is.

But that's it for people Virgil knows, and Remus didn't even bother to introduce him to anyone before fucking off to who knows where, and Virgil’s certainly not going to walk up to a random stranger and introduce himself, so he's currently appreciating the snack table. If he's eating or deliberating on what to eat next, he can't be expected to talk to anybody, right?

“’Scuse me, itsy bitsy,” someone says from behind him, and Virgil turns to see a vaguely familiar man in a dazzling prince costume holding a fresh plate of deviled eggs.

Virgil moves so that the prince dude can set the plate down on a clear spot on the table, and frowns. “I'm taller than you, Princey.”

Prince dude shrugs, plucks one of the eggs up, and takes a large bite. “Lucky you, or we'd've had to ask you to vacate the premises,” he says. “No little spiders allowed, real or fake.”

Which, yeah, now that he's mentioned it, Virgil had noted an extreme lack of spider-themed decorations, which is unusual for Halloween. Usually there'd at least be spiderweb cupcakes, but the cupcakes at this party are mostly cute ghosts.

There's probably a good reason for that, Virgil realizes with a sinking feeling. “Should I change?”

“You got another costume handy, or were you planning on spinning a spider-silk cocoon and metamorphosing into a butterfly?”

Virgil grimaces. “No,” he admits.

Prince Dude considers him. “It's not very realistic,” he says, which is true. Virgil hadn't been going for realism, he'd been going for passable costume I can make on short notice. He's wearing black jeans and a black hoodie, and he'd cut some pool noodles in half and wrapped them in more black cloth and stuck them to his back for the other four legs. It had been a pain to get them to stay in place properly, actually, and he'd ended up sewing their wrappings to the back of his hoodie in order to keep them where he wanted them. He'd been pretty proud of it, given that Remus had dropped “we're going to a costume party at my brother's house” on him like an hour beforehand, but now he's wishing he'd come up with any other idea. He could have put a sheet over his head and been a ghost, or something. Granted, that would have required him to have a sheet that was both white and that he was willing to cut holes in, which he didn't, but still.

Prince Dude continues to quietly scrutinize Virgil, and he wants to squirm under his gaze. Eventually, the guy shrugs and says, “Might be best to ask the scaredy-cat himself. Wait here, I'll be back.” And he saunters off before Virgil can answer.

For lack of anything better to do, Virgil picks up a deviled egg and shoves the whole thing in his mouth. It's really tasty, actually, and now he's wishing he'd taken smaller bites rather than horking it down in one.

Virgil had thought that Princey was just being mean with the “scaredy-cat” thing, but the guy he's talking to now actually is dressed as a calico cat. Prince Dude points back at Virgil, and Mister Calico Cat glances in his direction, then turns back to Princey. Virgil can't hear what they're saying, but he supposes Prince Dude must've asked Calico if Virgil’s costume was too creepy crawly scary.

They talk for way longer than Virgil had expected, and he can't tell if Calico's response was more like “No, he's fine,” or more along the lines of “Yes, that's terrifying, please have him removed immediately from my sight and also my home.”

He occupies himself with another deviled egg. If he's going to get kicked out, he might as well enjoy some more of this tasty food first.

Oh, fuck. Remus.

Remus isn't going to want to leave early just to take Virgil home, and Virgil still doesn't know where he even is! Fuck!

Well, Remus could have warned him not to be a spider, so if Virgil gets kicked out of the party it'll be at least partly Remus's fault. Virgil doesn't know anybody here, but Remus knows at least half these people, and if Calico’s spider aversion is enough that there are no spider-themed decorations in the house on Halloween, that sounds like the kind of thing Remus would know about.

Granted, Remus revels in being gross and annoying, but still! He's not a total dick. He should have told Virgil.

Fucker.

Calico vanishes into the other room, and Prince Dude comes back over to Virgil. He doesn't look like he's about to kick Virgil to the curb, at least. Virgil braces himself anyway.

“Good news!” Princey says with a grin. “Li’l Mister Muffet says you don't look like a creepy crawly death dealer and he doesn't have the urge to remove you with arson!”

Virgil blinks. “...gooood?” he says slowly. He hadn't even considered kill it with fire being a potential response to his costume. That would have been worse than just getting kicked out of the party, actually.

“Honestly you're much more Doc Ock in silhouette, Spider-Man,” Princey continues. “That helps a lot.”

Virgil glances back at where Prince Dude and Calico had been chatting. “So he didn't leave the room because he can't stand the sight of me?” he asks anyway.

“Nah, he wanted to make another plate of horse devours,” Princey says, reaching past Virgil to grab a cupcake off the table. This one has a little frosting bat.

“A plate of what?” Virgil says, because surely he didn't hear that right.

“Little snacks,” Prince Dude clarifies instead of repeating himself. “Our fridge is crammed with delicious bits and bobs. It's been so hard to resist the temptation to eat them before the party.” He bites appreciatively into his cupcake, then adds with his mouth full, “You'd think he wouldn't notice what with how much he made, but nooo, sneak one chocolate covered cherry before party time and it's a lengthy scolding for you!” Princey sighs dramatically, then cheerfully devours the rest of his cupcake.

“...hors d'oeuvres?” Virgil says hesitantly.

“Yeah, a couple ordervs of deviled eggs, cheese and crackers, and those scrumptious little pinwheel things,” Princey says. Virgil’s not sure if Princey actually doesn't know how hors d'oeuvres is pronounced, or if he's messing with him, but then Princey gives him a mischievous grin that one, confirms that yes, Princey does know what he's doing, and two, is so familiar that it freezes Virgil in place as the pieces click together in his brain.

The lack of a mustache makes Prince Dude's face look different, and so does the way he did his makeup, and he carries himself differently, but it's undeniable all the same: Virgil knows that grin.

This is Remus's twin brother.

Now that he's connected the dots (you haven't connected shit) the family resemblance is clear even to Virgil’s honestly rather faceblind eyes.

This is Remus's brother, and it's his house they're partying at.

… Virgil doesn't remember the guy's name.

Fuck, he should've made sure he at least knew who the party hosts were, especially the one related to his mischief goblin of a best friend.

Well he can't exactly ask now, can he?

“Also like, five types of cupcakes,” Princey continues, oblivious to Virgil’s inner turmoil. “Seriously, have you tried the cupcakes? Chef Boiardelightful made multiple separate batches of different flavors, from scratch. And they're all delicious!”

Virgil smirks. “And did you try to snitch them before the party too?”

Princey gasps theatrically, pressing a hand to his chest. “How could you accuse me of such a thing!?” he protests with exactly as much dramatic emotion as Virgil would expect from Remus's twin. “For your information, I did not! I merely sampled a portion of the batter left on the spatula after the cupcakes had gone into the oven. Also some of the frosting.”

“He means that he licked the bowls clean,” says a new voice, and Virgil does not jump out of his skin, thank you very much. And even if he did jolt a little, it's nothing to the startled squawk Princey emits.

Calico's back, holding a platter of little finger sandwiches on toothpicks. He offers them up to Virgil, who takes one. “Thanks.”

“No worries, kiddo!” Calico says cheerfully, and puts the rest of the platter down on the snack table. Princey plucks up two sandwiches by their toothpicks, and gets a stern look in response. “Make sure to leave some for the guests,” Calico scolds.

“My delightful and beloved Patissier,” Princey says, cupping Calico's face gently with his free hand. “I assure you that each of our guests could have a heaping plateful of food and we would still have leftovers until next Tuesday. No-one will be going home hungry.”

It really is an impressive spread. Everything Virgil’s tried has been really good. Remus really could have played up the ‘free food’ angle more when trying to convince Virgil to come. If he'd known the food would be this good, then overriding his usual party-related reservations—it's gonna be loud, there will be a lot of people, I don't know anybody, etc—would have been a lot easier. Then again, Virgil probably wouldn't have believed him. He'd mostly been expecting pizza and cheap beer, honestly, not– not homemade delicacies.

The tiny sandwich Calico gave him is lightly toasted, with some kind of sliced-meat-and-cream-cheese filling, and a little green leafy garnish on top. It definitely looks much fancier than most things Virgil eats, and he can understand why Calico doesn't want Princey to eat them all. That probably took a decent amount of effort. He almost feels bad eating it himself, except that Calico had offered it to him specifically, and it would probably be more rude at this point to not eat it.

“Are you sure my costume is okay?” Virgil asks, interrupting the minor squabble Princey and Calico had fallen into.

“Oh, yes, you're fine,” Calico assures him. “Trust me, if you were pinging my brain as an actual spider I wouldn't be in the room right now, let alone standing next to you.”

“Really, cause most cats I know would eat a spider soon as look at it,” Virgil quips, and is rewarded with Calico laughing.

“That wouldn't be very good host-ly of me, now would it?” he says. “I would never eat a guest!”

“Not unless they're a reptile with scallions,” Princey teases, and Calico flushes.

“Hey!” he protests, swatting Princey's shoulder with one hand and trying to cover his extremely red face with the other. Virgil wonders what the reference was, exactly, but doesn't think it's his place to ask. It seems rather personal, from how hard Calico is blushing.

…maybe he'll ask Remus later if he knows what the story there is.

~~~~

Chapter 2: The Morning After

[razzledazzle-pop]

Okay Okay Okay—More Samder Slides headcanons time..You’ve opened Pandora’s Box…

Personal headcanons/design things:

Keeps food in his pockets and then forgets it’s there. The way I know the amount of crumbs are insane.

Re-attached his logo with haphazard stitching so it matched Virgil’s :]

Always loses one sock in each pair. ALWAYS.

Has THE most insane takes. Leads to a lot of fun Patton and Logan discussions actually (*Hits them with the Trolley problem*: DISCUSS)

Patton would take the Utilitarian approach I think…Would think you should always sacrifice the one person in the trolley problem instead of the five because it minimizes the most suffering).

To that point, I really do think all the sides would enjoy watching The Good Place. Probably also The Magic School Bus.

All film media in Patton’s room is on VHS. Even if it came out recently. He made them that way.

I know we’ve literally seen his room in canon but in my heart it looks like Howl’s Room in Howl’s Moving Castle (insane levels of eclectic).

Has set the kitchen on fire 237856 times. It will happen again.

Has hand-made bracelets (themed each of them around one of the other sides).

Also has a hand-made doll collection…Roman’s doll is kind of like a traditional princely doll, Logan is probably a cube craft doll, Virgil’s is Coraline style (later redoes it with Remus’ help to add Virgil’s extra legs and mandibles (they’re articulated. He’s very proud)). Remus is a finger puppet and Janus is a sock puppet (those last two might change later)…

To that point: he still has a spider phobia, but he’s working on it (mostly for Virgil. A lot of it is him being like “could you please describe “x” to me, or draw me a picture before you revert so I know what to expect? :).” It’s going well.

One time they tried theorizing what kind of spider Virgil was. Patton immediately threw in Jumping Spider (he’s not) but Logan was happy to hear Patton had done some kind of research into something.

He’s Roman’s test audience/proofreader. He may be a Yes Man, but he’s good at spotting when character motives are unclear in a story/just generally to bounce ideas around with. They have days where they parallel play. Patton does his arts and crafts and Roman does his writing. At the end of it, they swap and critique.

Me throwing my takes at you (thank you for coming to my TED Talk):

[littlerat2]

"Is now a good time to tell you we're dating?"

Ship: Romantic Prinxiety

Warnings: Kissing. I think that's it but as always, please feel free to let me know if there's any I should add!

Word Count: 822

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56439292

Summary: Just some fluffy Prinxiety I wrote very late at night. Probably a little OOC, but it was like, 4 AM, so shhh. Originally wasn't gonna post it, but my friends really liked it, and one threatened to eat my social security card if I didn't XD

Authors Note: Thank you so so so much to @logan-the-artist and @cats-soups for beta reading this fic!! And thank you guys for your kind words, and also for just like, being fuckin' awesome people!

Virgil awoke missing the warmth Roman provided. They’d spent the night cuddling and watching Disney movies, and Virgil had actually gotten some good sleep. But now his prince was gone. He wasn’t there to kiss the pinch out of Virgil’s browline, and play with his hair.

He wasn’t having it.

He got up to look for his prince, shivering as his feet touched the cold floor. He checked the time. It was ten AM, about two hours before he usually got up. He briefly considered going back to bed, but goddamnit, he missed Roman, and he wanted a kiss.

So he walked out of his room and down the stairs sleepily. He was met with Patton, who was tidying up in the kitchen, humming a happy little tune.

“Oh, hey there, kiddo! You’re up early!”

“Morning, Pat,” Virgil mumbled with a yawn. “Have you seen Roman?”

“He’s in the living room with Janus and Remus,” Patton smiled. “Logan might be in there, too. I’m not sure.”

“Thanks,” Virgil said, offering a sleepy smile as he walked towards the living room.

That was a problem. Roman and Virgil hadn’t told the others they were dating yet. Not for Roman’s lack of trying. He’d been ready to tell the others for a few weeks now, but Virgil insisted they wait just a little longer. He wasn’t sure why. He knew the others wouldn’t care, but that didn’t calm his nerves. Thankfully, Roman was being very patient. He said they’d tell the others when Virgil was ready.

Virgil wasn’t ready to tell the others, per say. He didn’t want to have that awkward conversation just yet. But he was ready to stop hiding. And he really wanted to kiss Roman’s stupid face.

Then it was settled. He’d decided. He was going to kiss Roman’s stupid face in front of everyone. And then, he wouldn’t have to hide the fact that he wanted to kiss his stupid face ever again.

He stepped into the living room. Janus and Remus were listening to Roman talk about a podcast about gay vampires Virgil had gotten him into. He waved his hands wildly with each passionate word.

Virgil loved how passionate he could get. He loved listening to him talk about his interests. And he loved that he got to share this interest with him. He loved how excited he was to share with Janus and Remus, just like Virgil had been with him.

He made eye contact with Roman. The way his expression softened, just enough for Virgil to notice, and no one else. Oh, it had him smitten.

He all but sprinted towards Roman. He stood on his tiptoes, pulling Roman down by the collar of his shirt. He pressed his lips to Roman’s, his heart pounding in the way it always did when they kissed.

He could feel Roman’s initial surprise fade into contentment, if the way he smiled against his lips was anything to go by. Virgil smiled too, as Roman wrapped his arms around his back, warm and gentle.

He could feel Janus’ and Remus’ eyes on him and Roman, but oddly enough, he didn’t quite care. All he really cared about right now was the lips under his, and the man they belonged to. They were addictive.

He wanted to remain ensnared by Roman’s mouth, but figured he should probably let the taller man return to his conversation. So he leaned against Roman’s chest with a content hum, enjoying his warmth for half a second before looking up at him. A smirk grew on the prince’s face, his eyes alight with mischief, trained on something behind Virgil.

He turned around, seeing Janus’ and Remus’ mouths agape, shock plastered on their faces, as well as Patton’s, who had emerged from where Virgil did just a moment ago.

Roman burst into bright laughter that made Virgil’s chest warm. “Is now a good time to tell you we’re dating?”

The other three just gaped at them for a moment longer, not saying anything even as Logan walked in, his brows furrowed in confusion at the scene.

“Would anyone like to explain why we’re staring at Roman and Virgil?” He asked.

Janus just sputtered for a moment, before giving up. Remus took this as an opportunity.

“I- you- Virgil is dating my brother?”

“You didn’t know?” Logan asked, and Virgil shot him a look.

“You knew?”

“I may be trash at social cues, Virgil, but even I have picked up on the smirks you two share during dinner and movie nights,” Logan deadpanned. “And, my room is right next to yours. You two keep me up all night talking. You aren't exactly quiet.”

Virgil winced lightly. “Sorry about that.”

“That's quite alright. It’s well worth it.” Logan smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling softly. “You two have seemed far happier than I've ever seen you. I'm glad.”

“Aw, thanks, Lo.” Virgil elbowed Logan softly.

“Of course.”

[loganslowdown4]

“This is a strong powerful force that may be dictating Thomas’ actions from here on out—“

—Roman

Thinking about this line because of its said so casually in the Virgil Reacts video. It’s interesting because I’ve always had this theory that even though it’s Patton in the main storyline who ultimately makes the final decisions for Thomas based on what he needs, Virgil probably the most powerful side when it comes to influencing those decisions, or makes them in Patton’s absence—

Like Virgil made the ultimate decision to get Thomas to talk to Nico—

And the whole ‘staying home to watch frozen thing’—

Or the ‘black cloud of fear’ and turning out all the lights with a finger snap-

And you know, the tempest tongue and smashing Thomas’ phone—

Yeah, the dude likes flexing that he used to be a dark side before he even announced he was one, right?

[can-i-take-a-stab]

I feel like Virgil and Patton’s friendship is a “canon isn’t real if I don’t look at it” situation in the fandom. Like, no one ever brings it up and keeps acting like their friendship is still perfectly fine, and when it is brought up everyone is just like “Oh, yeah. Sad.” And then just move on- I get it, but it’s something that I think should be analyzed and looked into because it’s genuinely interesting.

So, let’s talk about it.

Personally, I feel like Virgil had every right to cut his friendship with Patton since Patton crossed his boundaries multiple times (ex: When Virgil said he didn’t like being treated like he was a small, innocent child and what not and Patton still did so.), and also since Patton quickly became friends with Janus and pushing everyone else to accept him when it took Virgil so long to be accepted in the first place. (And it’s probably also frustrating seeing someone you know become so quickly fond of someone even though they know you don’t have good history with that person.)

[oliviaischillin1204]

tickletober day 25- “new discovery”

word count: 1,729 words

i think this actually started as a prompt for tickletober 2020 (lmfAooooo) so i’m glad i could finish it now!!

Janus sighed for what felt like the hundredth time in as many minutes. He’d been a having a moral conundrum, and he’d only recently figured out how to go about solving it. Or, well, hopefully solving it. Maybe the solution he’d come up with would make everything worse instead. That’s always a possibility.

As if he could read Janus’ mind, Janus’ phone buzzed with another text from Patton. He stole a quick glance at the kitchen doorway before tapping the screen.

Patton: Have U told him yet???

Janus: u know he doesn’t wake up before noon

Patton: LOL!

Patton: Well, Jan The Man, whatever happens, I got UR back!

Patton: high_five.gif

Patton: fist_bump.gif

Patton: puppy_saying_yeah.gif

Janus: ,,,,, thank u patton

Janus sighed yet again-- but this time his sigh was followed by a matching yawn from behind him.

He slammed his phone down on the table and whirled around. “Good morning!” Fuck, he was never that positive. He had to dial it back. “You look like shit.” Well. That’s one way of doing it.

Luckily, Virgil either didn’t notice or didn’t care to comment on Janus’ jumpy behavior-- he yawned again and made a beeline for the coffee pot, where Janus had graciously prepared another pot just in time for Virgil’s late rise.

“You’re thinking too loud,” he muttered as he poured his coffee. “Talk or shut your brain up.”

Janus snorted. Well, if Virgil didn’t care about being indelicate, then Janus sure wouldn’t.

“I found your blog.”

Virgil sighed, not looking up as his scooped a copious amount of sugar into the mug. “Yes, I remember, I got drunk enough to show my 2013 era Tumblr to Roman, and he got drunk enough to send it to the group chat. Cool reminder.”

“Not that one-- although your Superwholock fic was surprisingly well written,” Janus said. “I found... another blog. Of yours.”

“My anime blog?” Virgil asked. “Don’t you already follow that one?”

“Another blog,” Janus hissed. “A blog you haven’t told us about.”

With his mug only an inch away from his mouth, Virgil froze.

It was enough to tell Janus everything he needed to know.

“I don’t have any other blogs,” Virgil said, quickly bringing the mug up to his face and taking a sip.

“Virgil. Please don’t insult me by lying so boldly in my face.”

“Who’s lying?” he replied. “Not me. I’m standing up, not lying... down, that is-- oh, dad joke, ha! Speaking of which I think I’m supposed to be meeting Patton for, uh, brunch, right now--”

He darted out of the room, nearly sloshing his coffee in his haste. Janus heard his bedroom door slam shut, and he sighed.

Well, he wasn’t going to sit around and let Virgil stew in his own nerves. He got up from the table and moved to the hallway, coming to a stop right in front of Virgil’s bedroom door. He heard no movement coming from inside, so he figured Virgil was probably frozen in panic as he thought about what Janus had said.

“I’m not going to make fun of you,” Janus said bluntly through the door. “Or tell anyone. Patton knows I had something important to tell you, but I made absolutely no references to having found a secret of yours at all. It’s just me.”

He knew that still probably wasn’t overly comforting-- Janus was, admittedly, crafty and manipulative, and he often used information as leverage to get what he wanted. But given how genuinely upset Virgil seemed to be at the mere idea that his secret blog had been found out, Janus wanted to prove that he really wasn’t going to tell anyone. And unfortunately, he knew exactly what he had to do to prove it.

“A secret for a secret, an eye for an eye,” he continued, steeling his nerves. “Because, honestly, you... aren’t the only person in this household with... that specific kind of... interest.”

Again, he heard no noise, but Janus could picture the way Virgil’s face probably shifted from blind panic to slight confusion. Janus sighed.

“How do you think I found your tickle blog in the first place?” he asked drily.

Janus ignored the urge to cringe as he said the word aloud-- this conversation was not about his embarrassing secret interests, thank you, it was about Virgil’s. He didn’t have the chance to ponder on that further, because suddenly the door clicked open in front of him, as if Virgil had opened it and hurried away.

He stepped in, and there was Virgil on his bed, lying on his stomach with his face buried in his pillow.

“You can block me if you want,” Janus said, moving to perch on the edge of the mattress. “Just let me type in my URL so you don’t see it.”

“How much did you see?” Virgil asked instead, voice muffled and defeated.

“About ten posts,” Janus said. “And no, you didn’t accidentally doxx yourself in any way. I’m just extremely clever.”

Virgil didn’t respond. At least he didn’t seem to be actively panicking, just humiliated. Janus himself was starting to feel a bit warm; he’d seen some... rather interesting posts before he’d realized whose blog he was looking at. Apparently he and Virgil had more in common than he’d realized.

“Virgil, I’m not going to bullshit you,” he said quickly, before his nerve was lost. “This sucks, and if it’d happened to me I’d break your computer in half, so I can imagine how you are feeling right now. But the fact of the matter is that we are both switches and we are home alone, and if you consent I would very much like to tickle you right now.”

Finally Virgil whipped around, eyes catching Janus’ with a wild look.

“What?” he squawked, voice cracking.

“Or you tickle me,” Janus said. “I’m really not picky.”

“This-- this is-- Janus.”

“Virgil,” Janus said firmly. “Take your pick, lee or ler?”

“I’m gonna have a fucking heart attack,” Virgil hissed. Janus could practically feel the heat radiating off his cheeks.

“I’m trying to avoid an outcome like that,” Janus said through gritted teeth. “By being disgustingly open about what I want, in the hopes that we can bypass the anxiety and awkwardness and humiiation by treating this all as if it’s perfectly normal.”

Silence hung over the room for a moment as Virgil took in the words. He looked down at his hands, fiddling with the blanket.

“I don’t know...”

Janus leaned in to catch Virgil’s mumble. Okay, that’s not a complete no. He could work with that.

“What don’t you know?” he asked with as much patience as he could muster.

Virgil continued to fiddle for a few seconds before he spoke. “Like, right now...?”

“No time like the present,” Janus replied. “Of course, we can wait if you’re not comfortable right now. Then again, I wonder how it would feel to wait in this room knowing that I’m right across the hall, ready to tickle you.”

He smirked when Virgil’s eyes snapped up towards him, a blazing blush crowning his face. “Janus!”

“What? You know I’m right. I could leave this room right now, but all your little fantasies in your head about what I could do to you would feel so delightfully real-- it’d be like I was still here.”

Nothing came out of Virgil’s mouth but a strain of choked noises. Belatedly, he covered his face with his hands. “Come on--”

“I mean, I really didn’t look very far through your blog before. I still have so many questions about this little sensitivity of yours.”

Now Virgil shoved his face back into his pillow, probably with the goal of hiding the soft whines that were now coming out of his mouth. It didn’t work.

“But, of course,” Janus continued, “I can’t touch you until you agree. You won’t get one little tickle from me until I hear you say so out loud.”

Virgil went silent for so long Janus considered checking that he hadn’t suffocated, but finally a muffled mutter came from his pillow that sounded suspiciously like the word please.

“Hm?” Janus said, because despite everything he wasn’t going to be too nice to Virgil. “I couldn’t quite catch that. You’ll have to speak up.”

More muttering, this time sounding closer to cursing, came from the pillow. Janus enjoyed drawing things out as much as the next ler, but he was getting pretty antsy. How to draw Virgil out?

Suddenly his mind flashed with a post he’d remembered seeing; a post that had also been reblogged by Virgil, with a few choice tags that made him think this could be a good idea.

“Virgil,” he asked softly. “How about you show me where you want to be tickled?”

And there it was; there was Virgil’s desperate squealing whine, his back arching just slightly, legs suddenly fidgeting behind him, and the tips of his ears burning red through his dark hair. Janus hit the nail on the head.

It only took a few more seconds for Virgil to roll over; his hands twitched, and he refused to look Janus in the face, but finally he managed to pull his t-shirt up over his stomach before shoving his face into his hands again.

Janus smirked. “I thought so.” He let one hand, gentle and wiggly, hover right above Virgil’s tummy. “When you want me to switch, I’ll just need you to pick another lovely little spot for me to tickle instead. One that’s just as ticklish, just so I know I’m getting a fair deal. You can do that, right?”

Virgil’s whine only last half a second this time, before it was replaced with a startled burst of frantic giggles as Janus began scratching all ten fingers around his sensitive tummy and sides. He curled up, and wiggled back and forth, and kicked his legs like there was no tomorrow, but his hands stayed over his eyes, his shirt stayed halfway up his torso, and he stayed right on the mattress under Janus’ lovely fingers.

“Oh, very good,” Janus cooed. His mind was already alight with all of the other posts he’d seen on Virgil’s blog, as well as things he’d found on his own that he was just so interested in trying. “You’re doing very well, Virgil. I think we’re going to have so much fun.”

[someidiot-withadhd]

So uhm…

Sanders Sides Fantasy AU!!!

Hehe..

Please I’ve spent four days on this

Explanations and extra details under the cut! And close ups of everyone!!

Well there everyone is!

So, for some basic info, this is kinda based off of D&D but I’m too lazy to give everyone classes and stats, so they just get races!

This is set in a world that Roman created in the imagination, and dragged everyone along with him. Maybe by accident, maybe on purpose.. maybe he was just missing the others.. it had been so long since they’ve all been together, so why not take them on an adventure!

Patton: A frogfolk! He’s already one of the shortest, and even shorter now! That’s doesn’t bother him though, if anything were to bother him, it would be the memory of his past experience being a frog… But no matter! If they’re stuck in the imagination until they finish their quest, he’ll just have to do what’s needed! (And he’ll collect every shiny thing he sees on the way, even if it puts him in danger!)

Logan: A faun. Not his first choice, but whatever makes the others happy. Thankfully, he got to keep his tie, and his book. That’ll help keep him focused in this unfamiliar world. And if only his fur would stay neat, no mater what he does it’s always unruly, it’s irritating.

Virgil: Mr. Panic at the everywhere finally has a form to match, maybe. A phantom? Well that fits. Although why is he neither an animal or human? Is it because he’s left the dark sides..? No.. he’s getting paranoid again.. and why does he have a knife?

Janus: yes he may be the two-faced snake of the group, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy! He’s trying to do better, honestly. And turning him into a Hydra seems kind of mean, don’t you think? No this wasn’t his doing, he never wanted to be here in the first place.. well, if he’s here he should probably make the best of it.

Roman: A dragon, just like his dreams! Of course, he never expected to be a dragon himself, but the tail and wings are really cool! And besides, why not make the best out of his forced family bonding time! It’s not like he’s scared to talk to them after they’ve drifted apart or anything! No, the great prince Roman is fearless!

Remus: oh, what do we have here? Roman and co. are in the imagination? Well why not turn this to my advantage! We’ll see how they’re doing in there, and maybe pull some strings, take this into my own hands, and twist this to my liking. And I better change to match, besides, it’ll be nice not being cold blooded for a while. This will be an amazing little adventure, won’t it, ————?

So, all the dark sides have animal traits right? Why not take this a step further, and make them full animals!

Woah, thanks for reading this far! I’m super excited about this, but still, it’s only a concept, and stuff could change!

[softbeanofexistentialcrisis]

things from the new asides ep that i dont see more of us talking about and im Insane over:

- Logan being the one to initiate this year's secret santa. why. /pos

- the implication that Remus and Janus have never been invited to one of these before

- "he's just chilling" "im chilling" "should we turn the heat up?!"

- "OH 𝓭𝓪𝓭𝓭𝔂" *chorus of acute disgust*

- Janus being brutally honest about the airfryer

- okay but mr fuzzy is incredibly cute. tell me im wrong.

- Logan: "is that all i am to you? the reading guy?" oh boy surely this isn't a statement for how he views himself now is it

- okay i know people DO talk about this but Remus's "does it make you want to scream" lives rent free in my head

- "this whole activity is to serve a higher purpose anyway" chat what does he mean i actually cannot tell what does this mean

- logan giving roman 20 dollars is so painfully logan i fully had to pause the video to stare at the wall for a minute over it. literally everyone behind tss are so fucking smart.

- LMAO VIRGIL GETTING ANGRY AT JANUS PISSING AT ROMAN prinxiety nation i know you're here in this room today

- also unrelated but all of patton's tiny gift wrappings are so pretty. where do you shop thomas

- he really replaced his entire gift. to give janus what he deserved. fucking hell roman stop being so valiant for one fucking minute /pos

- YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ADD THE BEGRUDGINGLY BOY DAMN

- this is probably just me but come on can we stop giving patton just simple cards. like ik he likes them and he probably doesn't mind but come on its too easy.

- LOGAN MY BABY BOY. MY BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL CHILD MY ABSOLUTE FIRST BORN he's so happy im honna gry

- "good luck detective, you're gonna need it 😈" "oh virgil 😦" they're so dramatic why are they like this

- Janus being responsible for Thomas' poker face and he's not doing a great job at it

- LOGAN BEING THE ONE TO SAY "dont overthink it" LIKE THE. LIKE THE IMPLICATIONS. IM SO NORMALM

- NICO TIME god everyone's so pretty

- hmm i. i wonder what the message is. i wonder what the message is that we're supposed to getting from here. hnm.

[part-time-zombie]

Assorted snake boy janus headcanons for no reason:

(turns out he's apparently canonically cold-blooded, sheds his scales, doesn't have pores, shape-shifts, and has a thing called "snake telepathy" and I'm running with this + using it in fics)

The light sides don't know about the telepathy thing, which makes private shit-talking sessions over breakfast so much fun. Virgil yells "say that to my face, asshole!" out of nowhere, meanwhile as far as the others are concerned janus hasn't said a word >:3

On particularly cold days, janus used to cozy up with virgil, and begrudgingly with remus after he left. Nowadays patton offers warm hugs if he asks, and janus doesn't really mind since he's the warmest side. (He still has a reputation to uphold, though)

Roman is constantly jealous of janus's clear skin, and janus always reminds him his routine is "unattainable", much to romans chagrin (the whole no pores thing)

Remus steals his shed skin, and janus has no idea what he does with it. Probably eats it. He doesn't want to know.

Logan always tries to subtly research/document janus's snake traits, and janus often makes stuff up just to screw the data. He once managed to convince him that the scales really were makeup all along, and the resulting breakdown that ensued will still make him laugh years later.

Sometimes he shape-shifts into another side just to see how long the others will notice. He even has a game where he shape-shifts into remus and has remus conjure a copy of himself, so that the other sides have to guess which of the three remus's is the real one. Only virgil has gotten it right, and that was one time.

Remus loves telling the others about janus's unhinged jaw, and how much food he can swallow without chewing. This is a lie. At least, that's what janus tells them.

Snakes actually can't drink alcohol. Translating this fact to janus makes him a ridiculous lightweight who suffers horrible hangovers.

Snakes also can't cry. The others don't know about this and just think he's too mean to cry about anything.

Janus sometimes falls asleep on the couch with his eyes open. The others then have to play a game of "sleeping, silent treatment, or lost in thought". Remus always knows which one it is.

Janus eats in the same routine as snakes, meaning he'll eat a huge buffet-sized meal like once a week and pass out for an hour afterwards. He won't eat anything for the rest of the week.

His room has a humidifier and a heat lamp. Remus often likes to steal these. He gives them back. Eventually...

Yes, he can smell by tasting things/the air. No, he won't do that.

[an0thergl1tch]

Janus headcanons because I have only one brain cell running and that brain cell is him :

*So many wigs, under his hat there is a 50% chance there is a wig hiding under it to dramatically whip out.

*wears all black to the beach, black sun hat, sunglasses even has the little vampire umbrella. Little gothic vampire bitch.

*Has mom bag that he drags around with Gatorade, sunscreen, snacks, and bandages because Remus acts like a ten year old. Has a water bottle filled with espresso, one filled with water, and one filled with liquor. Take your pick. Patton has chosen wrong on multiple occasions.

*Definitely has multiple folding hand fans, also knows a bit of fan language for the drama, and to talk shit to Remus without others catching on.

*Knows sign language and uses it to remotely talk to people. Stuck in the bathroom without a towel? No problem, just summon a fucking hand to ask for a towel from a different sides room.

*Surprisingly good at cooking, must be from all the hands, or the mom urge to watch cooking shows all day.

*Sometimes in the middle of an argument storms outside, closes the glass door gently, screams bloody murder, then comes back in.

*Has retractable fangs and to explain to Remus that no, he cannot bite him. He isn’t like a vampire, he has venom, and it will hurt like a bitch. (Remus does not care)

*Probably into some witchy shit and would hex someone if they pissed him off (*cough cough* Roman.) but seriously though imagine him making potions and performing rituals that would be fucking sick.

*Can hypnotize people, Patton says it’s mean to convince Roman he’s a chicken, so he does not. (Atleast not outwardly, he definetly convinces people to give him free drinks at bars, he says it’s just ‘psychology’.)

*Makes self care grwm YouTube videos talking about the latest gossip (canon lmao).

*Changes multiple times per day, good lord where do you keep these clothes? Has lounge clothes, robes, gym clothes, errand clothes, out with the girlies clothes etc. He probably has his own pocket dimension that he can summon that would be his own personal walk in closet.

*Passenger princess but is forced to be the driver because everyone else’s driving skills are shitty (holds the chicken handle every time.) If you are driving slow he will drive in front of you, drive slower, and show you the finger just to be petty. Will flirt if pulled over, and will gaslight the officer into thinking they did nothing wrong.

*Flirts with everyone, EVERYONE. “But I thought you were interested in me?” “Oh honey I flirt with everyone your not special.”

*Every once in awhile slightly shifts something off about his appearance to throw people off.

[delimeful]

in sickness and in health (8)

warnings: captivity, arguing, remus talking about remus things, panic, gratuitous amount of puns, lmk if i missed any

-

“What’s going on?”

The impromptu staredown between all three humans was interrupted by Roman hurriedly leaning obnoxiously far over the counter, bodily blocking Patton’s view of the two borrowers.

“Patton!” he blurted, clearly aiming for a casual air and instead landing somewhere in the realm of ‘stewing in blatant panic and guilt’. “Hello there, what an unexpected and lovely surprise to see you here, in… the kitchen of your own home.”

Next to him, Virgil heard the small, distinct thwap of his fellow borrower’s palm meeting their face.

“…What’s going on?” Patton repeated, sounding far more awake this time.

“Extremely normal, non-fairy-related things,” Roman answered, visibly sweating.

“Extremely bloody Dionysian orgies,” Remus said at the same time, considerably louder.

Virgil could see just enough of Patton’s expression to watch the way it crinkled in a sort of morose confusion.

“In the kitchen?” he asked, voice pained, as though that was his main problem with the suggestion.

“If there aren’t any knives involved, can any orgy really be called Dionysian?” Remus replied in a faux-wise tone, lifting his arm to make a deeply inappropriate gesture in accompaniment with his words. This technically cleared the way back to the wall, but as it turned out, only for a moment.

Before either of them could get too hopeful about any chance of escape, Remus ended the gesture by quickly clapping his hands over the both of them in a makeshift dome shape.

Next to him, the other borrower only flinched a bit, but Virgil couldn’t help the outright squeak he made at the sudden limbs dropping down over them.

There was another pause from the humans above them, this one distinctly more harried.

“Um, guys?” Patton’s voice had gone from confused to concerned. “What was—?”

“Broken whoopee cushion,” Remus insisted. “Filled it with mayonnaise, you know how it goes.”

“He sneezed!” Roman added, his voice sliding up a few pitches. “Gesundheit, Remus! Totally nothing strange about that— Padre, wait!”

There were big steps drawing closer, now, and Remus’s hands cinched in a little tighter around the two of them. They were forced to huddle even closer together, and the other borrower’s bony elbow collided with his side in a way he wasn’t convinced was accidental.

He shot them a glare, which they returned with an expression that was equal parts indignant and frantic. After a second, they forced a barely-there whisper through grit teeth. “It’s your human. Will he hurt us?”

“How am I supposed to know?!” Virgil hissed back, just as quiet. “I didn’t ever get caught before you showed up!”

Not while the human was conscious enough to remember it, anyhow.

The other borrower’s eyes narrowed into slits, reminding Virgil that he probably shouldn’t be antagonizing the guy that already proved themself willing to try and murder him once. Before they could respond, though, the conversation over their heads continued.

“Guys,” Patton said, sounding stern. “What have we said about wrangling critters in my home?”

“That it was a firmly banned activity after the Great Frog Croak-tastrophe?” Roman guessed sheepishly. “And, y’know, that was certainly a fair and just ruling for that situation, however—!”

“Nuh-uh, I don’t wanna hear it,” Patton replied, unwavering. Virgil could practically envision the way his human was standing from his tone alone: hands on his hips, eyebrows raised expectantly. “Frog or not, I’m sure whatever you two caught will be much hoppier once they’re released safely outside, right Remus?”

“Eh, you might not feel the same after you see them, Pattycakes,” Remus warned. “I know I’m usually the harbinger of pests, wrangler of rats, champion of centipedes, but not even I know what to do about these guys.”

There was the shuffle of clothing, like Patton was shifting in place, and he sighed. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together, huh?”

There was a moment of hesitation where Virgil assumed the twins were exchanging a wordless meaningful look, as they so often did, and then the distinct slide of glass across a countertop.

The moment the hands around them twitched, Virgil shifted into a crouched position, drawing his legs under him and preparing to bolt the moment there was space, even if it was probably totally futile. Next to him, he could feel the other borrower doing much the same.

Rather than lift off of them, however, the hands shifted to pinch even closer together, forming the shape of a spade, like a pair of nut shells that had been glued back together at the edges, leaving a hollow space inside. The two of them were forced to scramble upwards into the hold or get limbs stuck in between the sides of Remus’s palms as he scooped them up off the counter completely.

Virgil’s stomach dropped at the upwards movement, completely out of his control, and he reached out and latched onto the side of the other borrower’s shirt with a white-knuckled grip. They were still at least a little concussed, and Virgil wasn’t letting them get separated now, not when he’d already gotten himself into the most terrifying situation in his life saving them. Wherever they were going, they’d at least be stuck in it together.

To his surprise, the other borrower gripped him right back.

After only a few seconds, they were lowered and deposited onto a familiar smooth surface. Virgil grit his teeth at the feeling, resisting the urge to scream in frustration. He’d just gotten out of this stupid glass pitcher!

He didn’t get much time to seethe indignantly, however, because the moment Remus’s hands pulled away, there were much bigger problems to face.

Three of them, to be precise.

Heart in his throat, Virgil slowly lifted his head to look up at the face of his human, warped through the curve of the glass.

With a confused furrow to his brow, Patton moved to take a step closer, and then stopped short as the sight before him properly registered. His hand flew up to cover his mouth, his eyes widening with surprise. “Oh my!”

“I toad you so,” Remus interjected unhelpfully.

Roman cuffed his shoulder, and Remus immediately jabbed two fingers into Roman’s side in retaliation. It was only a firm warning look from Patton that kept them from devolving into another slap fight during the most terrifying moment of Virgil’s life.

Virgil shifted to stand, shuffling back until he didn’t have to crane his neck so painfully to make eye contact. Humans were so big, and it had never been more evident than it was now, staring up at giants.

Staring up at Patton. He was pretty sure he’d had a nightmare that had gone exactly like this. Well, minus the concussed would-be assassin. And the frog puns.

Patton, for his part, had developed a genuinely distressed twist to his features as he took in the sight of the two of them. After a moment of wavering, his gaze settled firmly on Virgil, sending a prickling sense of alarm up his spine.

“Hello again,” said Patton, smiling at him.

Virgil froze. The borrower behind him froze. Even the twins froze for a moment, before their heads both snapped around to stare at Patton with eerie synchronization.

“You know them?!” two voices asked, in two very different tones.

Virgil felt dread drop into his gut like a stone down a sewer grate. There was no way.

“I know one of them,” Patton answered, unperturbed by everyone’s shock. “That’s the little guy who helped take care of me while I was sick!”

He lifted a hand in demonstration and wiggled his fingers, the healing burns on them still visibly shiny.

The twins gaped. “He what?”

Behind him, in a far more bewildered tone, the other borrower echoed them: “You what?”

“You shut up,” Virgil muttered sourly without turning to look at them. His heart was practically shaking in his ribcage, knowing that the human had remembered all along, that Patton had returned home well-aware of the intruder in his walls.

The realization felt chilling, like a thimble of icy water had been dumped down his shirt. Patton hadn’t acted strange at all, hadn’t cast any speculative glances at the walls or scanned any shelves for undersized intruders. The twins and their ghost-hunting equipment clearly hadn’t known the truth, so why would Patton? Virgil hadn’t even suspected.

Who knew what would have happened after Roman and Remus left, and it was only the two of them, with Virgil blissfully unaware of the danger he was in?

Well. Caught like this, he supposed he was going to find out soon.

Patton’s smile faded, carefully watching the way Virgil’s chest was visibly shuddering with too-shallow breaths.

“You thought I froggot, huh?” he said, looking inexplicably sad. “I thought about it while I was in the hospital, and I kinda figured we’re really not supposed to know about you guys. That means it was pretty darn brave of you to try and help me anyways.”

Virgil swallowed, fear sticking in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. He certainly didn’t feel brave.

The other borrower stepped up to be at his side, ignoring Virgil’s reflexive attempt to shoulder them back behind him.

“I suppose the saying is true, then.” They paused, narrowing their eyes in a silent challenge. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

The encompassing flourish they made was a little wobbly, as though their balance was still off, but it got the point across: Patton had recovered from his illness, and they were stuck in a pitcher on his counter.

Virgil’s incredulity at the other borrower was enough to snap him out of the worst of his frozen terror, his head whipping to the side to stare at them.

They were insane. They had to be, using such sharp words and an even sharper tone with a human. This was just about the worst time to instigate an argument. The two of them were stuck in a pitcher on his counter!

Unsurprisingly, neither of the twins looked particularly happy with the accusatory turn the conversation had taken. Patton had been their friend for a long time. They had always jumped at the opportunity to defend him from harm in the past, and Virgil doubted that would change now.

For all their tomfoolery, the two of them could be downright vicious when they were angry. If they were willing to tear fellow humans a new one for messing with Patton, it was gruesome to imagine what they’d do to a pair of borrowers. They’d already been terrifying enough when they’d only been curious about him.

Before either of them could begin to speak, however, Patton nodded once, almost to himself, and pivoted to face his friends.

“Howsabout you two get started on cleaning up the living room so we can settle down and get some proper sleep?” he asked, the request firm enough that it was clearly more of an instruction than a suggestion.

Both twins started protesting immediately, looking extremely put out at the idea of abandoning Patton with their exciting new find. They were talking over each other, the words tangling and becoming an indecipherable mess by the time they reached Virgil, but he was fairly certain he heard phrases like “—but I’ll only lie awake haunted by fairy law and order,” and, “—you can’t keep me away from my new pyromaniac bestie!” in the mix.

“Mhmm, yup, we can discuss all of that later,” Patton replied stoutly, ushering the two of them towards the entrance to the kitchen with insistent sweeping gestures, like a shepherd with his herd. “There’ll be plenty of time to talk over breakfast in the morning, but it’s getting late, so hop to it!”

“We’re being banished with frog puns! This is an amphibian atrocity,” Roman bemoaned.

“Froggin’ unbelievable,” Remus agreed. 

However, even with all their complaints, they seemed to understand that Patton wasn’t budging this time, and reluctantly allowed themselves to be shooed out of the kitchen like the world’s noisiest sheep.

At Virgil’s shoulder, the other borrower took the opportunity to lean in while the humans were across the room.

“You ‘didn’t ever get caught,’ hmm?” they asked, still far too smug considering the situation they were in.

A muscle in Virgil’s eye twitched. Despite everything, he wasted a moment considering the merits of trying to inflict another head injury on his fellow captive. They’d been a lot more tolerable with the beginnings of a concussion.

“Do you want to go back to trying to stab each other?” he snapped instead, stepping pointedly away even as he made the thinly-veiled threat. “Because it seems like you want to go back to trying to stab each other.”

“Oh, I’m so terrified,” they replied drolly, crossing their arms. “Won’t someone save me from the horrible Monoxide assassin and his entirely genuine threats?”

Virgil stared at them for a moment, disbelieving. “You know, I think I actually liked you better when you were trying to murder me in cold blood.”

“Don’t lose hope. Maybe I’ll try again later,” they retorted with a dangerous glint in their eye, and then they were both falling silent as Patton approached once more.

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil caught the contemplative frown that flashed over the other borrower’s face, the only glimpse of their consternation at facing down a human. They may have had plans aplenty to deal with the twins, but Patton was clearly more of an unknown to them.

…Virgil knew Patton. He’d spent enough time watching the human to get attached, grown familiar enough with Patton’s life to cheer on his efforts and fret over his disappointments. He should be able to find the right words to get them out of this, convince his human the way the other borrower had effortlessly fooled Roman, but… he couldn’t.

It was impossible to think up a strategy for this situation. How could he possibly reconcile Patton, the guy who helped organize weekly PTA bake sales and volunteered to look after kittens he was allergic to and cried when he saw roadkill, with a human who knew, who would keep them trapped, who needed to be pleaded with for their release?

How was he supposed to bargain with a monster if he couldn’t even accept that the monster existed?

“I’m sorry if the twins frightened you,” Patton said, voice lowered to a softer volume. “They tend to be very exuberant, but they don’t mean any harm.”

The other borrower looked as though they were on the brink of scoffing at the very idea that they couldn’t handle Roman and Remus, a defensive slant to their shoulders.

“Why?” The word tumbled from Virgil’s mouth without his permission, his shoulders hunching under the undivided focus of Patton’s gaze.

“Why what?” he asked, tilting his head slightly like a confused dog.

“If you knew,” Virgil forced out, fingernails digging into his palms, “why didn’t you tell them? Or— or look for me?”

Understanding settled onto Patton’s expression, and he hummed thoughtfully, as though considering how to phrase his answer.

“If you wanted to be seen, you would have come out and said hi,” he finally said, simply. “You saved my life by calling for help. If you wanted to stay a secret, the least I could do is make sure to keep that secret safe.”

Virgil blinked up at him, trying to force the words into a configuration that made sense. Humans didn’t just let mysteries exist, especially not ones that were so easy to grab ahold of.

“I won’t lie and say I’m not awfully curious about you,” Patton continued, and his hand was reaching out for the handle of the pitcher and surely, this was the moment that it all came crashing down—, “but you can’t force a friendship. Especially not like this!”

Slowly, in gentle increments, the pitcher was shifted to lay on its side, the open end facing away from Patton. It was practically a straight shot to the closest wall entrance, their freedom waiting where the back of the counter met the kitchen wall.

They’d been prepared to make a break for it at the earliest opportunity before, but now, with escape dangled in front of them, both borrowers hesitated. Virgil exchanged a dumbfounded look with the other borrower, trying to stomp down the insane hope bubbling in the back of his mind.

“If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me!” Patton finished, making sure the glass was stable and settled before releasing it and stepping back. “Otherwise, my lips are sealed— and I’ll make sure Roman and Remus keep the secret, too.”

He made a zipping motion over his mouth, eyes crinkled with amusement at the edges, and then turned and walked out of the kitchen without a single glance back.

Virgil hadn’t uttered a single plea, and yet, the path back to the walls was right there. He looped the other borrower’s arm over his shoulder and led them, step by faltering step, across the counter, even scooping his bag up as he went. Nobody came rushing in, nobody stopped them from taking those last few steps into the safety of the walls.

He’d expected to face a monster, and instead he’d been offered kindness, unasked for and freely given.

They were both quiet as they shuffled further into the familiar cramped space, as though a single sound would shatter the illusion of this impossible release. The other borrower pulled away after a moment, their pain of their concussion likely more manageable in the dark. The silence stretched, relief and exhaustion weighing on them in equal measure.

Virgil yawned despite himself, absently wondering if they were going to continue that semi-murderous argument about cults and who wronged who, and if the other borrower would be willing to reschedule it to sometime after they’d slept.

Ahead of them, a third figure stepped out of the shadows, quickly looking them over as though checking that everyone was still intact. Oddly enough, they sort of smelled like gunpowder.

“Hm. That certainly didn’t go according to plan,” they said bluntly, the oversized pack on their back jingling slightly as they stepped forward. “Still, we all survived, so I suppose introductions are in order.”

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Cause and Effect

ok this is overdone i feel but i love your writing. something abkut the effects the sides have on themselves? virgil being super anxious and logan overwhelmed and similar things? something w janus? with a good portion of hurt comofrt? love your fics!! – anon

Hi! I love your writing so so so much. I do have a request for you, if you want it: Headcanon that Remus, being responsible for intrusive thoughts, is also responsible for any earworms Thomas gets. Which, he mostly uses to his advantage. Except. He unironically likes Taylor Swift and is terrified of that information getting out because it will ruin his image/he won’t be taken seriously. – anon

I hope you’re having a good week! I was wondering if I could request a hurt/comfort fic with one of the Sides being really bad about announcing/enforcing boundaries, because “it probably means more to them than it does to me” “it’s not that bad” “I can deal with it”. Thank you for considering!! – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self-esteem issues, panic attacks, anxiety attacks

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 2954

Patton doesn't always remember that he has feelings, too. Logan works…a lot. Virgil lives his life looking over his shoulder. Janus has gotten so good at lying to everyone that it's a wonder he even knows what the truth is himself. Remus wears shame like a badge of honor and the sweater he just can't manage to make himself throw away. Roman is tired. The Sides struggle. The Sides help each other.

Patton doesn't always remember that he has feelings, too.

He's at the center of Thomas's feelings, of course, and that means he's feeling a lot of things that aren't necessarily his all the time. Thomas is happy, he's happy. Thomas is sad, the entire world might be ending. Thomas is angry, he has to hide everything that looks even vaguely orange because something might explode. Thomas is depressed, he finds it hard to even get out of bed.

That extends to the Sides somewhat too; all of them experience heightened emotions, a wonderful by-product of being metaphysical and in the Mindscape. So that means that anything that might happen to them will happen in greater intensity than it would in the 'real world.' But sometimes that can be a little hard to handle, especially if they aren't used to it. For Roman, it looks like being stuck at the worst part of a tragic monologue for hours, for Logan, it looks like that one question on a test that you just can't answer, for Virgil, it's the quiet and unsettling feeling of having something just over your shoulder all the time, for Janus, it's the itch that you just can't scratch, for Remus, it's the noise that's just at the wrong frequency.

It's hard, it's hard for all of them, and so Patton takes it upon himself to help them through it. He takes Roman's hands and just holds them, trying to make him see that he doesn't have to perform, not now, not with him. He sits with Logan and they just talk, about nothing, about everything, until Logan can smile just a little and everything feels better. He puts a pair of headphones on Virgil and wraps him up in a weighted blanket, leaned against his chest. He spoils Janus with a spa day until their favorite snake is too tired to do anything but sleep. And he sings with Remus, as loud and off key as they can, until that's all they can hear.

It's good. It's fun. It's worth it to take care of his kiddos. But sometimes things we say when we're hurting can make other people hurt, and it's important to take care of that too.

Sometimes Patton forgets that. Sometimes he mumbles it's okay, they didn't mean it, through his own tears. Sometimes he has to go and be by himself for a while before he can come back and face them again. Sometimes he has to just…remind himself that they're hurting, and that's what's important.

That isn't true, of course, and when the rest of them find out, it's easy to see that they love him too. They play games until their sides hurt from laughing so much, they crowd around the kitchen to bake cookies and brownies and all manner of sweet treats, they watch movies and cuddle on the couch until they all fall asleep. And when he's upset, because he gets upset too, they all come into his room and tell him how much he means to them until the curtains turn blue again.

***

Logan works…a lot.

There is something to be said for how subtle yet pervasive the concept of Logic is. On first glance, one would associate it primarily with academics, math in particular, or some such thing that is so purely intellectual that it might seem limited in its application. When in reality, when you examine it further, there is some hint of Logic in just about everything that you do, and so there is no escape from the things that you must use it for in order to do it correctly.

Logan has a lot of work. Logan has a lot of work. He has so much work, in fact, that if he stopped to think about how much work he has, he would become so daunted by the prospect of staring at such a tall hill that he would never be able to conquer it. Best to deal with things one problem at a time, take them step by step, and make sure that he doesn't stop to consider the sheer magnitude of what he's doing.

Perhaps this isn't the healthiest way to go about it. Perhaps he would be better suited to breaking down things into more manageable hills, getting over them one step at a time, that sort of thing, but he has no time for that. In the time it would take to do that, the first of the manageable hills would already have become unmanageable by the time he got back to them. So this is how it must be, working and working and working until there is a big enough pause for him to catch his breath.

The others…are not fond of this. Surely, he accounts for enough time to spend with them, but it isn't easily won. It's fraught with the thoughts of what else he could be doing, a passing worry that he's missing something egregious, that he would be better suited to getting all of his work done before allowing himself a break. But that is not the nature of resting, that is the nature of rotting, even if Logan cannot actually give himself a break.

When they find out, they drag him away from his work and into the Imagination, into a library so full of wonder and curiosity that he has no choice but to stop thinking about his work and instead, chase the things he's actually interested in. He darts from bookshelf to bookshelf, peppering the others with did you know, did you know, did you know, and nothing they could say back will be as rewarding as seeing his eyes light up with excitement for the first time in…they can't remember how long it's been.

***

Virgil lives his life looking over his shoulder.

His existence is a constant struggle of did we remember to do this, did we forget this, what if this happens, this is going to go wrong, everything's going to explode in our faces. Every time they so much as leave the house, it's a war of keeping himself together just long enough to make it back so they don't have an embarrassing meltdown in the middle of…wherever they happen to be. The grocery store, the gym, even the fucking sidewalk. It's like walking through the world where there are big flashing neon signs everywhere he turns, each warning about something else awful and terrible, and yet somehow everyone else is able to completely ignore them.

It's terrifying.

And what's worse is that he knows if he so much as breathed a word of this to any of them, they wouldn't believe him. They'd do something like laugh and say he's just freaking out over nothing—which he knows, that's not doing anything to stop it from happening in the first place—or try and rationalize it out of him. Which won't work either, because he knows he's being irrational, that's why he's so mad about it in the first place, but realizing what's happening and being able to do something about it are two different things.

Being able to get himself grounded becomes more of a necessity than anything else. This big hoodie that lets him become an amorphous blob, the heavy things in his pockets he can squeeze when the temptation to break something gets too much, the headphones and earbuds he keeps stashed everywhere with the phone charger clipped to his belt because if he can't listen to music at a moment's notice, he might actually break down in tears. He has to keep himself alert, because if something's going to go wrong, he's going to need to notice it quickly so he can get everyone else on board and safe before it wrecks the rest of their lives.

And when he manages to shove that out of his mouth in an absolute mess of words, he's greeting not with laughs and teases, but with open arms and kind words. He's bundled into Remus's arms and Roman lies on top of them as Janus chuckles, hands carding through his hair to help silence the worst of the mumblings that something's going to go wrong. Logan takes his hand and squeezes it in the rhythm for breathing exercises as Patton sings something soft under his breath.

They're all in the same room. They're all safe. They're all going to be okay.

He can do this. He can do this.

He can do this.

***

Janus has gotten so good at lying to everyone that it's a wonder he even knows what the truth is himself.

Stories need antagonists. A narrative needs something to help it wind its way around all the twists and turns to make it into something worth following. If that means that the truth needs to be a little harder to find, that something needs to go a little wrong before it can be set to rights, well, he's happy to play the part. He's happy to thrill at the surprised looks he gets from the naive little heroes, the shock and betrayal on their faces when they realize he's tricked them, to cackle as they scramble to figure out what to do next.

He's equally thrilled to watch them squirm as he pokes and prods at their comfort zones. Challenging anyone who appears to be steadfast is endlessly entertaining, after all, and he can hardly blame himself when he's rewarded with such passionate monologues or fiery outbursts that end in grudging admittance that maybe he had a point all along. He's never been one to refrain from being smug, after all, and it would be a crime to deprive people of the right to see him in all his victorious glory.

Sometimes, though, that victory feels a little hollow. When it stops being a surprise and more of a resignation, when it's no longer something that they rise to meet but hunker down to grin and bear…when he wins, trouncing them soundly, and they take it on the chin and keep moving…that's not what this is for. He's here to make all of them feel a little something, even if it starts out badly, they should be proud of themselves when they outsmart him, out-think him, even when they don't win but they come close. He's a thorn in their side, not the sword that guts them before they have so much as a chance to say anything. And there's only so much fun that can be had toying with them before it feels like he's kicking a puppy for no reason.

He makes Roman cry once. He just stands there, staring at Janus, waiting for it to be over with tears streaming down his face. And when Janus stammers that yes, he's…he's done, Roman just leaves.

He doesn't want to just be the bad guy. He doesn't want them to think he doesn't care for them. He doesn't want them to be hurt, not…not in any way that actually matters.

He takes it on the chin, as he's seen them do, but it gets harder. Walking the line between fulfilling the role he's made for himself and actually being cruel is difficult, and tensions stretch further and further until one day, he can't do it and he has to retreat to his room and spend the rest of the day puzzling about how to fix this. He's never been the one to actually offer words of comfort. He's been there to lance infections from open wounds, not stitch them back together. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to believe anymore.

Roman comes to him first. Wraps him up in a hug and ignores all his babbling in favor of dragging him to their favorite picnic spot in the imagination. Everyone takes on a different role, just for that day, where Patton is the gardener that helps the baker, Logan, Roman and Remus are the woodcutters that build the cabins, Virgil is the blacksmith and Janus—Janus is the innkeeper. They spin a new story together, one where everyone gets a happy ending.

Stories end, after all, and new ones begin.

***

Remus wears shame like a badge of honor and the sweater he just can't manage to make himself throw away.

He delights in the uncomfortable, luxuriates in the madness, and happily dances along to the songs of the worst things you could ever imagine. His side of the Imagination is chaos and ruin, twisted undergrowth giving way to dark city scapes filled with ne'er-do-wells and the filth from stories that finally get their chance to steal the spotlight. He lovingly tends to his creatures that would send fainter hearts into shock, none more so than his beloved Kraken, Oliver. Shipwrecks litter the bottom of the Imagination's oceans and he couldn't be prouder.

For Remus, chaos is a way of life. He takes the things that normal people would scoff at—just as enthusiastically as he would scoff at them for being so boring—and makes it into art. He builds machines that are needlessly complicated and endlessly horrible. He turns perfect order into perfect disorder with a gleeful squeal. He's the bane of Logan and Roman's existences—one is affectionate, the other decidedly less so—and he steps into his bear traps with a grin on his face.

There are, of course, downsides. He's alone, a lot of the time. No one else really appreciates everything he does, all the hard work that goes into turning his world into the best it can be for him. Sure, they get close sometimes, like when there's an experiment and he and Logan get to go full mad-scientist, or when he and Janus are gleefully stirring all manner of shit up for everyone else, or when he and Roman throw literally everything they can at every sort of wall just to see what might stick. But when those times are over, and he's back to being the same old, messy Remus, he gets…lonely.

Especially when there's something that would make them think he's something else.

He's got a reputation. He's supposed to be dark, twisted, messy, chaotic, that sort of thing. He's annoying, the voices in your head that you just can't get to go away, the song that won't stop playing in your head at 2 in the morning when all you want to do is go to sleep.

He can't exactly expect them to believe him when he says the songs he wants to keep playing are something like…Taylor Swift.

He's got an image to maintain! And that image doesn't go well with, y'know…something like that. He's no stranger to other people's shame, but his own…well, he might get why people hate feeling it so much.

Roman, though, is his brother, and as such gets full rights to both tease him about things and find out whatever he wants to know. And Roman is his brother, which means that he loves him unconditionally. So maybe the two of them can sing along to Taylor Swift at 3 in the morning and if Roman takes the fall for being the one obsessed with her stuff, well, that's for them to know and Janus to find out when he figures out what Roman's lying about this time.

It's fine, they'll just make him listen to 'no body, no crime.' That song's right up his alley.

***

Roman is tired.

He's just…really tired.

Being the prince, being Thomas's Hopes and Dreams, his Creativity—well, half of it—trying to keep everything afloat…it's tiring.

The others don't know this—well, Remus might—but he's the main anchor point between Thomas and the Mindscape. They're all products of Thomas's imagination, which he uses his Creativity to make and interact with, which means that…them, the Mindscape, the Imagination, it's…well, he has to spend a lot of energy to keep it the way it is.

It's tiring.

So sometimes, he doesn't have it in him to play the role. Sometimes he can't focus on staying away long enough to do all the work they want him to do on top of all the stuff they don't know he's doing. And sometimes…sometimes it's just a little bit too much.

They find him on the floor of his room one night, just watching the moon. They gather blankets and pillows and stuffed animals and build a little nest, right there around him. Remus opens the door to the Imagination to lighten a little bit of the load and Logan helps Patton coax Thomas the rest of the way to sleep, letting them shift to the dreaming mind instead.

He's so tired. Surrounded by the others, with his mind at peace, he finally gets some rest.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs@el-does-photography@princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl@raven1508

[radioactive-dazey]

Fanfiction is so weird

I'm trying to think of what ship/dynamic I'm gonna use for the next "overgeneralizing Sanders Sides fanfiction" post I'm gonna make, and my brain keeps returning to this Logicality fic I read when I was in high-school. It was a highschool or college yandere Logan fic, and he just straight up kills like 10 people over the course of the book. It was so well written (or well enough, anyway) that it made me physically ill to read (but then again that's probably the anxiety talking)

The sequel was even worse oml 😭 Logan and Patton ended up getting married and Patton developed some intense attachment issues from all the stress of his old classmates dying/disappearing. He ends up obsessing over Logan and goes on a yandere murder spree of his own 💀 it made me so UNREASONABLY ANXIOUS because he was NOWHERE near as careful as Logan was about things.

Anyway. Sanders sides fandom, never change

Also if anyone knows what fic I'm talking about please send it to me I'd love to reread it 😌 I found it on wattpad around 2018-2019

[emetophobic1]

And I have reasons for them all!

Pretty much everyone headcanons our baby Logan as trans, that’s just projection.. HOWEVER, the Demi-Sexual and Demi-Romantic? He clearly struggles with emotions and hardly understands romantics, perhaps because he rarely even feels such emotions because he isn’t close enough with anyone TO understand.

Patton is Asexual because… cmon? Look at him, you really think this man is the type to get FREAKY?! And he uses He / Him exclusively but out of the kindness of his heart, would let people call him whatever they want.

Roman is transgender because of how often he tends to talk about his masculinity, during the first episode that showed their shapeshifting, Virgil called him “Her” because he was shifted into Valerie — “Excuse me! I am still a man! A manly man! A man who is manly!” And time after time still comments on his masculinity!

Virgil being trans is just projection I fear….. 😞

Janus being Non-Binary is to fit into the “Different is beautiful” standard that they push so frequently as a character, as well as because I swear Thomas once said in some tweet “I was feeling myself as her” unless it was edited in which case I start crying! — they’re also Demi-Romantic because snakes don’t feel love :3

Remus is Gender-Fluid, again to fit into the “Different is beautiful” thing, using all types of pronouns probably just to spite everyone else but he also really likes them, it makes him feel different from everyone else, hence making him feel better. Him being polyamorous as well is mostly just to fit his character! I also make him Auto-Sexual from time to time (Where he is more attracted to himself sexually compared to other people) since part of me loves Asexual Remus and I need to put that in somehow…