#he’s like here come’s fruit twitter……… sir maybe YOU are fruit twitter

[minwilder]

i’m seriously not even looking for reasons to bash noah but in book one i’m noticing that he keeps harping on min and her temper every time ethan’s around. ethan shows up specifically to bully and harass her and her best friend and noah’s always like 🙄 time for min to overreact again. as if literally two days later he doesn’t throw the world’s dumbest temper tantrum and declare her his nemesis because she doesn’t want to be evil with him

[misora-msby]

embarrassing moments with inarizaki

inarizaki always looks so cool but you know they’re actually dorks and i am here to provide you the content to show theyre clowns. enjoy the headcanons :)

Kita Shinsuke

firstly. kita shinsuke being embarrased? making a mistake? unheard of.

he’s a perfect man and we all know it.

anyways

you two were having a nice dinner out together. 

it was a pretty fancy place so you decided to dress in a different style today

but you were beginning to wonder if kita liked it or not because he seemed to keep looking past your shoulder instead of at you

he was an observant guy so you were wondering if something had happened behind you

but you couldn’t hear anything weird so you assumed not

you decided to just stay quiet about it at first but now it was beginning to become annoying! 

why wasn’t he looking you in the eye to speak?

midway through your dinner, kita finally spoke up tho

“y/n, your shirt is slipping... yer bra’s showing.”

oh.

right. you were wearing your off-shoulder top.

“o-oh. shin, it’s that kind of shirt, you know?” you had to explain your outfit to ur bf with a pink face.

“oh... that so... well it’s cold these days so if yer feelin’ cold lemme know. i’ll give ya my jacket.”

GOD HES SO PERFECT KITA SHINSUKE I HOPE U MARRY HIM???????

Ojiro Aran

another man with next to no flaws.

but nature says everyone has to make some mistake.

so it was a regular school day, our aran has just come to class from morning practice and there’s still some time left until class starts.

all the girls in class are gathered around a table

he’s not sure why, it’s probably watching an idol video

but ur man wants to be a little romantic!!

plus he just showered so he smells Great uwu

he goes over and hugs you from behind, placing his chin on ur head.

“hey, bb whatcha ya doin”

all the girls gasp.

he doesn’t get whats wrong, it’s not like it’s a secret y’all are dating

pda to this level aint bad either

especially compared to his teammate miya atsumu

“ojiro aran.”

why is your voice behind him

he looks down and nearly faints when he sees he hugged the wrong girl.

to be fair she looked a lot like you from behind, just maybe 1cm shorter.

“i’m so sorry!” he keeps apologising to literally everyone and all the class is giggling bc they never seen their school’s ace so red before.

“didn’t think i’d come back from the toilet and see my bf cheatin”

“IT WAS A MISTAKE! I’M SERIOUS! Y/N U KNOW I LOVE YA!” 

hes so funny i swear

the volleyball team hears of it and it gets even better 

Miya Atsumu

it’s not a secret that miya atsumu, setter of the inarizaki volleyball team and invited to national youth training camp, had a gf

he was very much in love with u 

the whole class knew it because he’d show it off whenever he could too

so here comes valentines day

last year he received like... 50 different gifts from girls and guys aiming to win his love.

you didnt even give him one lmAOOOOO 

but this year, he had been not so subtly trying to hint that “i better not receive any chocolates this year when i’ve got a gf!”

he reaches school and plops into his seat.

there’s an anonymous box of chocolates with “please accept my love, miya-kun! <3″ on it

“the hell’s this?!”

“oh? chocolates?” - osamu who just popped his head into the class to shove into his twin’s face how much chocolate he got.

especially since the blond was off limits, the grey-haired twin had a bigger following now.

“do they not know i have a girlfriend...”

“well, ya might as well eat it. ya dont know who to return it to.”

“that’s like receivin’ their love!”

“no it ain’t. it’s just food.”

atsumu couldn’t argue with that and popped a piece in.

it was very delicious. the chocolate practically melted on his tongue and was the perfect sweetness and was filled with a delicious ganache too.

it was perfect

but he couldn’t accept this!

“it ain’t even good. too sweet and the filling’s sticky.”

“ah. really? is that what you think, tsumu?” you ask from the door where you had been watching the exchange take place.

“y/n! look at this! some weirdo gave me some choco and like... samu said to test it but i’ll toss it out, promise.”

“tsumu, i made that... i wrote it anonymously because i thought you’d know it was me and i wanted to tease you a little.”

“huh.”

osamu: “yeah actually i went over to her place to teach her how to make it.”

atsumu: “you said you went to suna’s place?!”

osamu: “i went there later but i first went to help her.”

you: “anyways if it’s not good i don’t mind if you toss it out...”

tsumu: “NO NO BABE I PROMISE IT’S GOOD”

you: “you just said-”

“BABE I SWEAR IT’S GOOD I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO ACCEPT A STRANGER’S STUFF”

“you’re always so honest though... are you sure?” you were having your fun teasing him now.

“BB PLSSSSSS”

he still cringes at the memory 4 years into ur marriage

Miya Osamu

osamu would DEFINITELY make home made dinner dates a regular thing.

this alone shows he’s the better twin - miya atsumu stan

he loves cooking and eating with you so sometimes when he’s got a day off you guys’ll set aside the afternoon to make a real nice dinner

imagine candlelit dinner with miya dorito body osamu in a suit

of course some fun stuff happens after too ;)))

and today’s your third anniversary!!

so osamu adds lots of ‘natural aphrodisiacs’ to the meal

i’m talkin

garlic bread and soup for an appetiser, a nice juicy steak with garlic and red wine sauce for the main, and chocolate coated strawberries for dessert

mm yummy

you two cleaned your plates completely (it was very delicious) and as you were washing the dishes, osamu comes up behind and wraps his arms around your waist

“yes, ‘samu?” 

“i’ve already prepared us a nice bath with yer favourite scents.” he’s got his head resting on ur chin

“really? thank you~ i’ll be there in a bit”

but he doesn’t let go of you while you’re still scrubbing at the baking sheets.

“osamu, you can let go for now.”

“don’t feel like it.”

“i gotta wash the dishes since you did most of the cooking.”

“mmm, i’ll do it if ya gimme a kiss.”

you roll ur eyes bc what a cutie 

u turn ur head to give him a kiss but suddenly he 

he burps

that garlicy wine smell is just kinda there

“ew! ‘samu!!”

his face is real red but he’s also trying not to laugh because he’s still a dude and this is absolutely hilarious to him

“want another?” he starts teasing

“i’m not getting in the bath with you.”

“wait wait wait i’m sorry, i’ll go brush my teeth and give you a proper kiss”

Suna Rintarou

you two were taking the train home today

it was quite late due to practice going a little longer than usual, so he insisted he walked you back home today.

sunarin can be a good boyf sometimes ok

it was getting a little crowded on the train tho, since people were heading home or going out for dinner

luckily you had already grabbed seats so you were quite comfortable sitting side by side. 

you and suna have the type of relationship were you dont have to talk all the time

silence is v comfy.

he’s just scrolling through twitter on his phone while you’re looking around the car, lost in ur thoughts

suddenly you notice an old lady standing a little bit away from you and you stand up

“baa-san, please take my seat.” you whisper in the crowded carriage

“oh how kind of you. thank you, dearie.” she smiles and takes your seat while you stand in front of her and suna instead.

suna doesn’t realise this exchange has happened tho

(he’s on his phone as usual)

probably starting some fights on twitter

he decides to try to be a little romantic and pretends to stretch his arm around (who he thought was) you.

“rin.” 

why is your voice right in front of him?

“young man, i appreciate it but i’m married.”

suna jumps as he sees someone he did not recognise next to him.

he looks up and notices you had moved.

you’re giggling

the granny’s giggling

atsumu and osamu sitting opposite on the carriage look like they’re going to cry because they’re trying not to laugh

“i was just stretching. really.” he mumbles and crosses his arms, face red as a tomato

he’s so embarrassed.

Ginjima Hitoshi

sometimes the inarizaki vbc would go for an after practice snack at the nearby family mart

they were really hungry after an intense preparation for nationals which was in two weeks so kita insisted they all get something to fill them up on the way home

but lucky lucky ginjima hhehe

you (his classmate who he had a crush on) were working at the cash register today.

“welcome!” you greet everyone as they enter

he cant help but stiffen up a bit 

why are u so cute and cheery today

the 2nd years already know what to do.

“heyy, i think last week i bought ya that ramen right? ya owe me my konbini snacks today!” - atsumu

“yeah. you lost a bet to me last week so u gotta pay up. a pack of jelly fruit sticks please.” - suna

“forgot my money today, mind payin’ for my snacks too?” - osamu

“like hell i’m paying for all of you. especially you, osamu. you eat too much all the time.” 

aran’s noticed what’s going on,

“hey, if it’s just for today you can do it right? if ‘samu don’t pay ya back tomorrow i’ll nag him ‘til he does.” 

“fine...” his basket is full when he goes to the counter.

he’s trying his best not to have a red face while watching u scan the items, ur hair swaying slightly as u look back and forth between the objects and the screen.

“alright. 4,890 yen please!” GOD he hated how expensive it was, that’s almost all his weekly allowance but bc it’s u and ur voice saying it it’s kinda ok

“mm, ok.” he still has his eyes on you while he takes out his wallet and puts it on the counter.

yes

his wallet, not the money

“...” “...”

“excuse me, sir. this is...”

he almost slaps his face wtf he’s so embarrassed.

“s-sorry. just a little absent minded after practice.” he starts pulling out his cash.

“it’s fine! i know how hard you guys practice!” you smile while performing the rest of the transaction and pass him his big bag of goods. “good luck for nationals, ginjima-kun!”

he almost runs out of the store and is about to fight the rest of the 2nd years for watching and (suna) recording

[frobin]

Okey serious question here. How much do you actually believe that Oda ships Frobin? Like do you think he actually have like doodles/sketchs of them in a pairing kind of way? like for the strong world film riding the motorbug? (Personally i would love it to be true but he has stated one piece isn't about romance in that way)

Hey there anon! Thank you so much for your question and I hope I can answer it seriously enough. Also once more sorry for the late response. I felt like a question like that needs some research and that is what I did these last few days.

So... I think I'll start with the tl;dr because that way people can read that and ignore the rest.

So, long answer short: I 100% believe that Oda has one or more sketchbooks with drawings of his characters that are absolutely self-indulgent. I am 98% sure that he has drawn Franky and Robin in a romantic way at least once (and supported the ship). I am 80% sure he still is shipping FRobin.

Little disclaimer: I actually have no idea if any of this is true. I pull everything in my arguments out of my own experiences and knowledge and since I'm not a 46 year old Japanese Mangaka my perspective might be WAY OFF.

argument - reason- example - conclusion... behind the cut (or in the google doc)

So, why do I think that Oda has a secret sketchbook?

Simple answer is that he is an artist. He is drawing a lot and no artist will publish everything. That can have multiple reasons like imposter syndrome or because the artist thinks it’s not good or interesting enough or they just forget. There are even more reasons I forget and every person has their own.

For Oda I can imagine two big reasons as to why he would keep secret sketchbooks.

First: He is a horndog. You can skip this part if you don’t want to read about it, to the second reason.

Anyway, we know thanks to answers in the SBS, the way he likes to draw big-breasted women and how some of his characters are classified as perverts that he can be considered one too.

Let me show you a few of a few lewd SBS questions he likes to answer in a funny way:

Chapter 228, Page 46

D: How are ya, Odacchi? I know how much you like getting butt-naked, so this must be a favourite season for you. <3

O: Yes, yes. I just LOVE getting completely naked. In the summertime, after I take a bath I just run STRAIGHT OUTSIDE!! And when the girls' softball team running on the sidewalk looks over at me, they say, "Yup, it's really summer now!!" ... AS IF!! I'D GET ARRESTED!!!

(x)

Chapter 433, Page 68

D: If Lady Robin can use her Hana Hana Powers to make any part of her body sprout somewhere else, does that mean she can do it with her ample bosom as well? "Nyurin-zaki" (Breast Sprout) Boy, I'd like to take a hit from that sometime... P.N. Ero Ero no Mi Devil Fruit User.

O: "Ichirin-zaki" (Single Sprout) "Nirin-zaki" (Double Sprout) "Nyurin-zaki" (Breast Sprout) Very clever!! NO IT'S NOT!! STOP THAT!! I'm sure she CAN do it though ♡

(x)

Chapter 798, Page 64

D: Oddachi, I'll give you a pornographic book, so please answer my question. Sanji won't allow anyone to waste food, but what will he do if a woman does so? P.N. Smoker's Cigar

O: I think he would grab the plate and eat it up. Now please give me the pornographic book.

(x)

Nowadays I’m sure there is a focus on those lewder questions compared to the beginning because that is what 13 year old boys laugh about and we all know that is Oda's main demographic (of course).

I think a very good picture of that is given by Tekking101 in his breakdown video of SBS Volume 100.

“Let’s get diving into these questions (...) now, this is a huge moment. I mean, not many Manga manage to reach 100 Volumes, Okay? Now I know Oda usually starts these off with questions relating to boobs and things that don’t really… you know, aren’t really relevant but you know, this is a big celebration so we’re gonna dive right into it. I bet the most important things that we need to know about the One Piece Story are right here in these pages, okay? I printed them out. That is how important this is. So let’s start off, shall we? Epic voice, Barry!

‘Mister Oda, there is a UFO over there with huge big-breasted beauties on it. That memorable 100 Volume of the SBS is about to begin.’

[pause] Yeah, like the first five of these are all related to boobs in some way. You know what Oda? Sticking true to your guns! Godspeed, Sir Oda. Godspeed.”

(end at around 2:30)

So, Oda is a man who likes beautiful women and who draws.

Coming to the conclusion that he will draw his own characters in suggestive poses, naked and even doing adult stuff is not hard.

Obviously he would not show these sketches just around. He would probably keep them in a secret sketchbook that he keeps at a safe location. Maybe his wife and some close friends know about it? Maybe it is his and only his little secret.

I don’t think it would be unlikely to learn about this years into the future, maybe the next generation of Anime Fans will hear about this.

And it would not be the first time that something like this happened.

Not that long ago the daughter of Osamu Tezuka - groundbreaking Mangaka, known for his works of “Astro Boy”, “Kimba the white lion” and many more - found his adult Furry art. Source; Japanese article;

It’s a fact that many Mangaka did indeed start their career with art of the more risque kind and/or as doujinshi artists.

So again, I have no doubt that Oda, a known pervert, has one or more secret sketchbooks with „the p0rnography“ in it. Is there only hot stuff in there? Not necessarily.

The second reason to keep a secret sketchbook would be to collect information in there, that could be considered canon but he is not willing to use it in the Manga. Maybe they are not important enough or will be used later.

What am I imagining here? Anything that could be considered too weird for the normal sketchbook but isn‘t too risque. Funny things that might still not be „appropriate.“

Like a sketch of the male Strawhat ding-dongs with the sizes beside it. All the lewd jokes the fans did about Luffy's stretching qualities? I’m sure Oda thought about them too and drew that in the past if he had the time and it made him laugh enough.

But also maybe there are scenes in there that never made it in the Manga. The Strawhats interacting with each other in their daily lives, ideas for colorspreads and maybe chapter-titles. Oda probably has noted/sketched down a lot of unofficial stuff somewhere.

Another example, even an artist like Oda himself would have needed to exercise drawing two people kissing. Why not use Characters he thinks that might work out together?

Why not Franky and Robin? I would imagine he sketched up a few panels of Franky and Robin having a romantic date, going shopping together in Dressrosa, having a conversation that we never got to see because it was too on the nose.

Which brings us to the second point of me being very sure that Oda had drawn FrankyXRobin at one point.

I’m sure in those sketchbooks there is at least one drawing of them doing anything couple-related together. Again it does not have to be downright nasty but it could be them holding hands, kissing or even just Robin leaning onto Franky while reading, like all those fanarts that exist out there.

It’s not hard to imagine. Even for other Characters I think that is possible

And there might even be proof for that idea. The sketch of the Strong World movie you also mentioned, anon. The one movie that can be considered canon is Strong World. It was basically written/directed by Oda. Shiki the antagonist had an appearance in the Manga.

This sketch is drawn by Oda. Robin is holding onto Franky.

Can it be read as romantic? Yes. Can it be read as Robin holding onto Franky because there is nothing else to hold onto? Also Yes. But couldn't she just have used her power to keep herself secured on the bike without holding onto Franky? WELL YES. Could Oda never have thought in these circles like I do right now? I hope he did not because I hate it and I don’t wish it upon him.

In the movie Robin is NOT holding onto Franky. Now the really interesting thing - that is neither proof pro nor anti FRobin - is that we can see the sketch provided by Oda as a “between the scenes”.

In the movie Strong World the old trio is collecting information at the Pirate assembly. The next time we see them they use the Batta GT-7000 to slowly approach the destroyed village, which had been ravaged by the animals, and start to look for their friends. No need to hold onto Franky and no need for Brook to lean back. They are looking around.

The sketch is clearly not the same scene as the one we see in the movie.

In conclusion the drawing is indeed a between the scenes drawing. And yes if there exists one, who is to say there aren’t more?

Talking about Animal-Bikes...

Is there any meaning about the fact that in the opening scene (that is part of the talked intro after the opening ‘We Go’ - a huge thanks to antiherofangirl, ccb0nnet, JFL_Estudios and Maems, over at twitter!) Franky and Robin build another grasshopper-based vehicle? Maybe not but I still feel like it’s quite a callback.

Where did the idea to put this in the beginning come from? a) an editor had the idea inspired by Strong World; b) maybe it’s another sketch that Oda provided.

Neither seems very far-fetched in my opinion.

So yes, I am very sure that Oda has drawn things that we would consider FRobin.

Now to the last point (the first being Oda having a secret sketchbook, the second me arguing that Oda might have drawn FRobin).

As I said in the beginning I’m very sure that at one point Oda did and kinda that he still does ship Franky and Robin. Because even though every Interaction of two characters can be depicted as romantic or platonic, Oda used ROMANTIC TROPES with Franky and Robin.

They have never kissed on screen but we had

finishing each other's sentences

coordinated clothes

one using the others lap as pillow

hand on cheek caressing

and we can’t forget that Robin had answered Franky's invitation to ride on another animal-themed bike with a heart.

Edit: I didn‘t say anything about „no romance in OP“ so ask again if you want me to talk a bit about that. Sorry!

Those are things an author of Oda's level would not write or draw without being aware about how teasing this is. He has to be aware that every single line he draws will be analyzed to the end of the universe and back. People earn money by saying their opinion and interpretations about the Manga on Youtube.

These interactions are not something outlandish like “There was once an Anime Scene in which Robin was wearing something blue and exactly 28 episodes later Franky was wearing something violet and then 39 episodes later they both stood beside each other for exactly 69 seconds.”

Whenever I think about these facts, things that are not about interpreting but are factual, black ink on white paper but also about the little things, about how Frank and Robin help each other to become better, how they support each other… I want to say YES! ODA IS 100% on board! While in reality I’m 80% sure and 20% of me is wondering if I’m not actually analyzing too much into it. If maybe he really is abandoning ship. Maybe I will become the person who will curse his name and throw my Mangas and fanfictions in an active volcano?

I don’t know and it’s impossible to say what is going to happen.

And with that I've concluded this answer, and it only took me around 2k words and four days.

[miraimisu]

A Name In The Rain

Summary: Gladion has a very particular curse where all he wants is ripped from his grasp over and over, and he wonders when (or, if it ever will) stop breaking his heart this much.

Wordcount: 5709

A/N: soooooo @lonashipping​ got a very lovely anon like “ye ye MOON DYING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND GLADION HAVING A BAD TIME” so I was like “yooo I have this Twitter thread I made for stuff??? And I can implement it and make some tweaks and” voilá here it is Jane you asked for it well your anony did but whatever it’s your fault for enabling it also this helped me as a break from all other stuff I’m planning so NICE

I also thoroughly apologize if there any pronouns wrong, because Gladion used to be a lady and Moon used to be a sir so yeetus

Also very worth mentioning that there are mentions of suicide in this, but it’s nothing graphic!

ENJOY

—

Moon is a queen and he is but a lowly servant, but that does not prevent him from falling in love with the shiny star concealed in high towers and silky robes. Her presence is sacred, and so is the temple she lives in.

Like the greedy man he is, Gladion tries to sneak into the holy sanctuary to satiate his need for recognition. To feast his eyes in the beauty she is and shower her with the flowers she deserves.

And his act is met with the wrath from the gods.

His curse rings loud and clear: he will be doomed to eternal life until his sin has been met with enough misery. Such words make his blood go cold, his eyes turn stale, and for his heart to sink.

He had wanted her to fall in love with him. But never for this price.

The closest Gladion can ever get to death is the agony of pain. He tries everything: he tries to starve himself to death, to throw himself to a volcano, to be eaten alive by wolves. But nothing works. He can feel the fire burning his skin, but his skin doesn't burn. The bites of wolves, his skin will cure itself. Starvation will drive him insane, but he won't die. He can only try and go through terrible agony.

So Gladion accepts his life. He tries to work his way to the top to be with Moon. His heart, cursed by Eros, longs for her attention. He is a strong determined man who cannot die but can make the best out of his immortality, and he will be with his beloved.

No matter what it takes.

One day, war strikes. Everything is on fire. Gladion sees her sanctuary be destroyed. The clouds raining with fury, the skies being split. His beloved is carried away with the chaos of war. All he can do is weep, for he cannot follow her to her deathbed. All he can do is mourn.

But he tries again. Tries to follow her to death. His heart with that artificial love fools him into desperation, into an unquenchable longing that will never be fulfilled. Nothing works. All he can do is let his sorrow eat him alive.

But not even that will cure his illness. Unrequited, immortal love.

One day, the cycle stops. Gladion decides to stop. He tries to find a way to live without her. Some days he is happy. Some days he is sad. This blessing of immortality came with a curse, and no matter how many times he repents, no answer comes from the gods.

It is one day when Gladion hears the following words:

"A girl with hair like the night and eyes of twilight has been born in a faraway country. They say she is the new goddess of war."

Gladion runs with the wind. In a village where he hid in the shadows, nobody will miss him.

Nobody did.

He travels for weeks. Gladion travels for months. By foot, he crosses mountains. He fights in battles. He sees new civilizations be built. The world changes as he walks across the continent, across the sea, and into the sun to find her.

Maybe, just maybe, it could be her.

One day, Gladion arrives in a village where he asks for refuge and food. When asked, he says he is looking for his dead beloved. Trusting, he speaks of immortality. He speaks of needing to see her once more. His life has no other worth but to drink from this unrequited love.

Their answer is to hang him from a burning cross.

When his body never burns, the people of the village scatter around.

Two hours later, the village is empty. Gladion is alone again.

He continues his journey.

Gladion arrives at Johto years later. Feet scraped, desperation itching at his skull and wonder in his eyes. This civilization is unlike any other: rice on the ground, men like statues and buildings brushing the clouds.

They pray to the color of black. It reminds him of her eyes.

Gladio sees her from afar, one day. It had been an utter chance, and she was young. When he is about to step in her direction, a monk approaches him with kind eyes. It felt like he could see right through him and into his soul.

"Bid your time," he says "and wait for the rain."

Gladion can no longer see her after his words. Not for weeks, not for years. His life is merely a shadow where nothing matters if death is not a choice. His life, now untouchable, has no worth.

His heart thinks it's because she's gone. The arrow in his heart shrieks in glee.

His life speeds up in a whirlwind and, another set of years later, Gladion sees her again. She is buying fruits in the market, smiling at what she has in her hands. She looks just as happy as he remembers her.

The infatuated sigh he lets out is met with a shriek of disgust from his own mind.

Gladion walks to her. He has a thousand words in his throat and a lifetime to tell. His lips part. She hasn't noticed he is there. It's as if he was a ghost to her.

That's when Gladion realizes that, while he knows everything about her, he is only a stranger. His glee dries.

She seems to notice she has been there for long. His figure tenses up, suddenly nervous, and he looks at her with pure unbidden curiosity. "Who are you?"

Gladion is at a loss of words. Who is he to her, indeed? What was he other than her shadow? He is unsure of what to say. Maybe he has forgotten how to say his own name, after being alone for so long. Maybe he is nobody.

He tries. "My name is Gladion."

Moon doesn't utter a word. The name is unfamiliar in her mind, yet he looks at her with the softness of a loving husband. It's deep as the ocean. For a second, she feels like she might drown.

She swallows his seas, his eyes, and his will; she waves. "Take care."

She's gone.

Gladion finds himself joyful, for he had gotten her attention after a century. His heart, pierced by an unwithering arrow, writhes in pleasure. He drinks from her voice. He waits for her move.

The rain only comes once more.

And it's for her funeral.

Gladion watches the procession from a withering tree. His figure, hunched over, is the only one dressed in beautiful white as he watches her casket be carried through the streets.

He doesn't get to see his face once more. Her body disappears and gets lost in a sea of people.

The wastes of war leave a scar in the people. Her face is removed from family portraits. Her family's clan withers to nothing but a memory. Gladion watches places change. The trees shed leaves as he sheds his tears. He lost her again.

When he tries to leap off a building, the pain merely amuses him. It cracks the concrete. It barely scratches his skin.

He has to leave again.

His skin is just as pale as frost. His lips are bluer than the deepest ocean. Sunsets have no color. His blood dries. He is as lively as a puppet. The ring of her voice is committed to memory. It's unnaturally vivid in his head.

The only thing alive within him is her memory.

Gladion spends centuries remembering her name. Then, a voice.

"The Jewel King has bestowed his power in a newly adopted daughter, far away from the white mountains and into the lakes of the desert. They say she was washed in by dark seas."

Gladion follows the legend once more. His eyes vibrate like the wings of a butterfly. He breathes a breeze in and rolls a sigh out. Gladion walks through the gates of town at the crack of dawn.

It will be a hundred years before he finds her again.

Gladion’s feet burn through sand, but he makes it to a small village close to a thin river. The people are nice. Nobody murmurs about his bandages or the invisible weight on his shoulders.

Gladion says he is two hundred years old. People believe him.

As old as time as he is, he watches the days pass from the top of a mountain. Like a monk once said, he waits for the rain to come. Dry breezes and rings of constant war greet him.

For him, all days without her are the same. His heart clenches. He cries for her.

He is fishing in a lake when he sees her in the distance. Her hair is dripping with sparkling water. She sprays sunshine and peace anywhere she looks, anywhere she touches.

He falls in love anew. His eyes shed tears. His heart beats again.

One uncanny day, a fierce thunderstorm breaks through. The villagers find no explanation to this, yet one of them points a shaky finger at him. It had been one exact year ever since he arrived here. He was the only foreigner in a group of 100.

He is chased out of town.

Gladion finds shelter in an orange cave. It had polished walls and it was in the middle of the badlands. The hurricane and thunder throw sand at him. The gods are angry that he hasn't given up yet.

A figure runs to him.

"Hey, can I stay for a bit?"

He breathes in.

Dressed in rough robes and dirty shoes, Moon enters the cave. Between shudders, she just makes her way in. She doesn't even bother to say hello to him. Gladion stares at her intensely. His fingers curl into fists.

"Who are you?" she asks as if he had an answer.

Her voice holds uncanny wonder, yet was edged with exhaustion. Her memory had kept his whimsical ring as if it was gold. It wasn't new to him, yet it never got any older. Just like himself.

"My name is Gladion," he answers. His voice is rough and airy. His heart has stopped beating.

His voice, unlike anything she had heard before, has the clarity and softness of the richest of gemstones. His skin was pale like snow she had never seen. Her eyes waver. "I see."

Shortly after, they sleep. Gladion had long forgotten how to do it, but with him by her side, it's easy.

He almost hears her walk away. The storm is fierce. She has had enough shelter, and she is ready to go home again. A farewell lingers in the air.

She never makes it back to the cave, nor to the village.

Gladion doesn't stay for the funeral. There was no corpse, and he was not wanted there.

He is gone.

Gladion stumbles with the remains of a civilization as old as time, maybe just as old as he is. There is a shrine in the middle of the forest, between vines and dewy leaves and creatures nipping at his pants.

His hands hold no wrinkles, but with the experience of a monk, he traces the engravings on the wall.

A daughter from the night, born from the dust of royalty. Gladion doesn't need to read more. He follows the traces of hope and swallows his tears. Maybe if he doesn't cry, it won't rain again.

Perhaps the rain would wash his misery away.

Gladion crosses deserts. He walks on water. He falls off a canyon and he climbs the way up. His nails are full of grime, his hair is muddy. He hasn't had food for days.

A step in the wrong direction.

Knowingly, he lets his body be carried by the waters of a river down Mount Coronet.

He arrives at a nation where the king is a star and people use umbrellas when it is not raining. A creature rests in a high mountain, the god of creation. Maybe, this would be the place where peace would enter his heart.

For once, he is hopeful. The town is sunny, the waters are warm. Nobody notices him.

Gladion finds entertainment in helping other people with their homes and duties. Occupied with Moon, he had never had time to learn how to cook, clean, or sow.

So he cleans, he cooks, he sleeps. He overworks himself until the only escape is slumber.

Gladion is one day called to the royal court. A man with tall hair and weird shoes makes him grovel to his feet. His energies are drained. His clothes are tattered. His heart holds no resistance.

The man's jacket gleams in gold, and he has a baton, yet he must not be older than 30. "I appoint you to work for us." His voice fills the marble room. "I trust you to provide for my beautiful daughter."

A girl with midnight dark hair steps into the room, her posture stoic. She only spares him a silent look. For him, however, it's the only time he can finally breathe.

Gladion works for the royal family for the following years. While he had been told he would work especially for Moon, the heir to the throne, he never sees her.

A hundred men come to court her. Each hurts more than the last. He smothers his frustration in the linen pillows.

Expensive belongings surround him. He has a fancy room. In the past, Gladion had been surrounded by poverty and no hopes. He now sleeps under feather duvets and while the place is dirty, it resembles a home far more than anything else.

The castle becomes a family in his heart.

One day, Gladion is appointed with helping Moon, the future queen of the nation. She must take a bath and he had been injured while going hiking with her friends. She is on her tiptoes as she walks in.

She looks just like he remembered her. Her image is burnt between his eyes. Innocent despite his true age, he turns while she sinks into the waters.

Gladion memorizes the shape of her shoulders as he caresses her skin.

It would be the last time.

That day transpired in silence between them. Gladion, expectantly, looks out the window. The sun is gleaming. People wear their umbrellas. Moon has smooth skin and her body is warm despite her name.

He remembers these details for years to come.

It is a week afterward that a sudden outbreak of sickness spreads through the town. The streets are dirty and the waters turn dark. There is a smell of dull death hanging from the winds and the stars don't come out ever again.

The streets panic, the king waits. Gladion prays. Arceus awakens from its chamber.

Gladion doesn't go down with this illness.

Moon does.

When the palace is shaken by panic, Gladion offers himself to take care of the princess while the family is escorted away from the town. The streets are suddenly empty. Umbrellas are scattered on the cobblestone streets.

Gladion spends nights and days by her side. In silence.

It seems like anywhere he goes, tragedy strikes. The itch stabs its claws into his heart, and all he wants is for the pain to go away. The girl is dying in her own bed. Her breathing is shallow; her touch, faint.

If he could take the pain to suffer it himself, gods know he would.

Her fevers come and go, yet her health never gets better. Soon enough, all maids have left the castle and disobeyed their king. The big and once flamboyant town is completely empty, sans the two of them in the depths of the palace.

Moon thrashes in her sleep. He curses silently.

Usually, Moon would spend the days in bed, looking out the window silently. Gladion would respect her silence and watch with her. She never made any questions. He is content with that.

Even in sickness, his heart throbs in her company. He sheds tears. He loves her.

One day, she breaks the silence. Her voice is ragged, but he recognizes it all the same. Even in a crowd of people, he would always hear her the loudest. "Who are you?"

Gladion loses his breath at this. For a moment, he thinks he is sick. But he knows: he is just in love.

The response comes easy. It's been a thousand years, yet he still remembers his name. His and hers are the only thing he knows to exist. "My name is Gladion."

She stares at him in disbelief. A foreign flash crosses her eyes, and she frowns for a second. He holds his breath.

She looks at him. Sharp features, hair like platinum and unevenly cut. He looks tired and older than she knows him to be. His shoulders sag. Why is he here, she wonders. Her throat can't form words, and when she tries, she coughs out.

Her hand is marred with blood.

Gladion watches her fall into a deep slumber, whatever she was about to say dying with her voice. For a moment, she looks calm. He watches her for hours, he thinks that maybe she is getting better. The air outside is unsafe. This little room is their haven.

He watches her sleep.

The day afterward, he has fallen asleep on his chair. The bed is empty. It's raining outside.

Her royal band is washed by the Seine's shore. Gladion is the only person in the town. He has no umbrella.

The rain muffles his sobs as he hugs the cloth to his chest.

The air is full of disgrace and sickness. If he is sick, he doesn't notice. The idea of following her to death entices him. When he tries, he can only manage to break his arm and bleed from head to toe.

The rain washes his blood and tears away.

Navigating through the ghost town, it never seems to stop raining. Her presence lingers in his hands. Her blood is fresh on his clothes. Her voice travels through the air.

The path he walks out of town through becomes a forest. His tears create rivers. His heart never stops hurting.

Gladion walks far enough from the town to make it to the sunny plains. The grass cleans his bare feet and the breeze dries his hair. The coast is washed by the sea and the foam reminds him of her clothes.

He wishes to embrace the waters and sink down. He keeps on walking.

On a little hill a few feet away from the beaten track stands a tiny shrine with a frog of gold on it. A small man is kneeling down before it, and Gladion joins. They sit in silence. Time doesn't matter to him. He has lifetimes to spare.

"Where are you headed, young man?" he asks.

He speaks yet says nothing. "Nowhere," he murmurs. "Where am I supposed to go?"

The man's figure remains calm as he speaks again. "Bid your time," he whispers, "and wait for the rain."

The sentence rings true but falls tired. When he opens his eyes, the man is gone.

Gladion arrives at a place with windmills and farms full of wheat. There is no royalty but people with ragged clothes and jagged breathing. The sun beats hard enough to make sweat break free. He likes to think he is safe here.

He doesn't know what he's chasing anymore.

He spends lifetimes, years and seasons watching the wheat grow. The windmills move slowly, days pass and she doesn't become any older. Gladion sees people die, sees children being born.

For him, it's all the same. He has no time to lose, no time to save. He waits for the rain.

One day, he hears farmers speak with hushed voices and hopeful eyes. They speak of a girl with hair like coal and eyes like the richest of black dyes. They say she is like a flower.

How does a heart beat when it knows it will be broken again?

He sobs himself to sleep.

A big carriage made of wood and metal rolls through the fields. It's sunny outside. Gladion stays in for the whole day. He peeps at her from the barn's top window, where he sleeps. She is young and free. He doesn't step any closer.

He likes to think he is saving her this way.

One day when it's raining, Gladion steps out of his barn to collect some crops, lest they are washed away by the storm. From the fog and the rain, he sees a girl hurrying to him. He stares. He should be surprised.

He isn't.

"Can I stay in that shed for a while? It's raining cats and dogs."

The rain is ignored by him. It slides down his smooth cheeks and his clothes. It soaks him to the core. It masks his tears. He nods wordlessly and allows her to walk in. She eagerly runs inside the barn.

As soon as she is inside, she sits on top of hay blocks. Gladion climbs up to his makeshift home at the top of the barn. He watches her from the edge of the platform.

She notices a second too late, for when she looks up, he is no longer looking down.

He curls into a ball to sleep.

Gladion pretends not to hear her leave. He pretends she doesn't fall down the hay and almost breaks her neck. He pretends not to worry. His eyes are wide and he doesn't sleep for the next ten nights. He doesn't move.

He waits for the rain to leave his little barn.

The next time he abandons his barn, Gladion finds blood near his foyer, and pieces of clothing torn on the floor. A discarded knife with blood. A trail of crimson leading to a lake somewhere he didn't know.

He didn't even get to tell her his name this time.

His heart bleeds.

Gladion one day burns the barn to the ground and donates the hay and supplies of his little house to the neighbors. They ask why he isn't taking the food with him, for it was a long way to the next town.

He thought them foolish. "I don't need it."

And he was gone.

Gladion walks miles on end for years. He crosses the snowy peaks and goes down slopes. He sleeps on trees and tries to get himself eaten by wolves for the umpteenth time. All he gets are nuzzles and gestures too kind for him to understand.

When he steps foot into another town, he feels he has been here before.

It has been a hundred years by now. The air is different and so are the people. Here, everyone has umbrellas as well, which leaves a bitter taste on the ceiling of his mouth.

However, it's always raining here. The country is circular and it’s surrounded by the sea.

He isn't sure what to think of this.

He hears that a boat is setting sail to an island full of wonders and treasures, where a new heiress with charcoal eyes is about to be born. His heart unwillingly throbs. He clutches his chest painfully.

He hears a ship sail to the shore, a beast of wood like nothing he has seen. Suddenly, his eyes whip up to meet a mane of messy dark hair directing people around. Gladion almost hears a cackle in the distance, from above him in the sky. The wood under his feet cracks.

Before he can back off the ship, somebody pushes him in and they set off to the seas.

The first night goes without a hitch. The seas are calm and the waves rock the ship peacefully. Her voice rings through the cabins once or twice, yet he finds this familiar and comforting.

He itches to go out and meet her. The distance makes his little arrow vibrate in fury.

The second night on board, nothing happens either. He remains in his little room of a bed and a box. He pretends not to hear laughter in the sea. Hearing her voice becomes more painful as dread sets in his heart.

The waves silence his cries. Nobody hears him.

He's tired.

The third night, they are halfway into the trip when a storm settles in. He wakes up from his sleep in a cold sweat and he scrambles to find her. The ship rattles him around and makes him lose his balance. Water starts to leak into the ship.

He hears a brooding crack.

Gladion registers a voice screaming from somewhere above him. He is knee-deep in water and the ship is sinking, being trashed by the fierce waves. Gladion wades through the hallway and makes it to the top floor.

When his eyes find hers, euphoria swirls through his body.

But then, something happens that makes him fall on his side to the wooden floor. Rain digs on his skin and he fights to get up again, only to see half the crew fall off-board. Moon is holding onto the boat by its edge and Gladion is slipping off to a side.

Gladion and Moon meet whilst holding onto the ship. The rest of the people have fallen to the demise of the dark seas and the wind silences all screams of despair. In the midst of chaos, their eyes meet. Hers are soft. She musters a weak smile.

It almost brings him hope.

The rain mats down her hair when she speaks. She is ragged, she is tired, but tears prickle at his eyes because he loves it all the same. "Who are you?" she almost screams. She is squirming to get a grip.

He lets himself be toyed by the wind. Her shoulders are shaking, he notes. Her voice is wobbly and overcome with fear. He doesn't bother to conceal the tremors in his own voice, either.

He tells her his name for the hundredth time. "My name is Gladion." It rolls off his tongue with no less complication than before.

He stares at her in silence. They forget about the storm.

A harsh wave, timed perfectly, comes to collect its wastes. A crack suddenly divides the space between them and a wave comes to swallow the remains of the ship.

Gladion blinks his tears away and the air between them becomes unbearable. It feels like goodbye already.

He wants to tell her that he loves her. That he wishes to have another minute to tell her about all he has gone through to be with her. That it has been a thousand years. That he loves her.

He screams.

The dark waters swallow his pleas and they disappear under the foamy chaos.

Days pass. Gladion surfaces and survives the catastrophe. Debris of wood, clothing and the dawn of the nightmare only remain. He weakly hangs on to the biggest piece he can find.

Moon never makes it out alive.

He lets himself die on the sea.

Gladion feels the waters move him. Silence gawks at him and sometimes, sharks keep him company. At some point, he just lets go of the wooden debris and floats astray.

He stares at the sun, hoping it will burn him alive.

It's been a thousand and twenty-two years.

It comes to the point one day, he reaches a shore. It's full of boats and people with umbrellas carry him to the city. He is washed in by the waves and he hears of a queen and of a god. None of them matter to him.

His fingers itch to feel her. He can still hear her voice.

Gladion is fed and brought to shape soon enough, despite his protests. He finds out it's been almost a year since he left the shore. He had been astray for months. He never starved.

It came to the point he could only feel mourning and love at the same time.

When the memory of her haunts him into tears again, Gladion leaves the city full of caring people, chasing after his own dream with crazed devotion.

He reaches a country made of rivers, green like spring and with mountains in the north cold as ice. Not even frostbite makes a dent in his determination, and he continues walking.

In due time, Gladion stumbles with a big town full of people. He had never seen such a crowd in one sole place. It was stuffed, almost, as if the whole world was there, and they were walking forward.

He hears someone say this was an event to change history. Gladion follows the crowd.

There is a creature on a podium and people are cheering, the animal shrieking and its deer-like horns sparkling. Pale as a ghost, he blends into the crowd and he feels like he is underwater. His feet carry him through the plaza and he ends up crashing with a stair to the podium.

Somebody helps him up. It's not raining.

The creature on the podium sees him and the sight seems to light its eyes up, for it eagerly pushes her to the podium and the creature nuzzles the small microphone. The blue in its body is like the color of her dress, of the sky above him.

Before so many people, his bleeding heart aimlessly searches for pale and dark. All he sees is the green of the mountains behind the city.

It is not raining, he notices. His eyes blink after what seemed like a century. His fingers curl around the microphone and he doesn't know how it works, yet his heart seems to be pumping faster and that creature’s noises are soft and familiar.

It is sunny as crisp summer.

He has a crowd with every year of his life's worth. They stare at him in silence. They hold their breath, and he holds his. His beloved could be there. She doesn't know his name. The whole world seems to be there today.

He is suddenly terrified of what he is about to say.

He apologizes to her in silence and speaks out loud after a decade of silence and mourning. His voice is shaky. It has been a thousand years of pain and silence. Gladion loves her. He needs her. He doesn't want her to die today.

"My name is Gladion," he speaks clearly. He sighs.

His shoulders shake but before the creature can approach him, Gladion takes the microphone with a wobbly grip. "And I know you didn't ask," Gladion hunches over. He is terrified. The worlds coil in his throat and burst to life in a wail. Tears break free. "but I have waited for a lifetime to tell you that I love you, Moon!"

The words ring sad through the plaza and he doesn't feel any lighter. He feels heavy. He can almost feel the rain coming. It feels like he has said something wrong.

A bang shoots in the air.

Screams pierce the beautiful day and guards burst from everywhere, seeking to take hold of the creature with beautiful horns. There are shots and wails of agony and splashes and bodies falling and Gladion is hurriedly taken down the podium and he can hear another creature, red like blood, screeching in the distance.

He discovers later that it is a guard that yanks him down and beats him to a pulp.

Rain falls.

Gladion swims in the darkness of the limbo. He feels nothing. Somewhere in his heart, he knows she is dead, now. The truth wraps around him and chokes him with unshed tears. He can't move. His body feels numb and he is exhausted.

Maybe one day, they will meet again.

Gladion hears that a woman with the hair of obsidian at the west of the country had taken over the government. The sole notion pushes him through the mourning after he comes to life from slumber. Gladion walks away from the town at dusk.

He crosses the country for years to find her again. He takes a ferry. He reaches a sunny island dotted by more islands and more sea.

He doesn't know how much time has passed since he left, yet one day he finds himself not knowing where to go. Suddenly, he is crossing a snowy mountain and his heart doesn't feel heavy. He feels nothing at all.

What is he doing? Why is he there?

Gladion blinks. He looks around. He doesn't know where he is nor why he is where he is. Confused, he just turns around and makes his way down the mountain, back to where he began.

His curse ends that day.

Exactly two thousand years later.

Puzzled and confused, Gladion stumbles with a small growing town. It has mountains behind it and the beach at its front. It's full of greenery and tall buildings, and flowers. He decides to stay there.

He crashes in his bed and when he wakes up, he has breakfast and reads the newspaper.

In the afternoon, Gladion walks down to the park under his building. It has a fountain and beds of flowers. He sits down on a bench with a book of Pokémon biology in his hands.

The day fleets naturally and a drop of rain falls on his shoulder.

The sun is concealed by a single cloud. Another drop falls on his leg, yet he fails to notice this.

There are steps and a weight on the bench makes it shift. A girl has sat close to him. She has hair like the night and eyes akin to steel, and she is staring at him in a way he can't describe.

Gladion looks at her blankly. She still looks at him and he blinks between her and the book.

Confused, he decides to ask. "Who are you?"

A flash crosses her eyes at his question and she is quick to respond. "My name is Moon."

She says her name breathily. Rain hits her nose.

Gladion hears thunder and he hurries to get home, muttering an apology she never responds to and she instantly regrets.

As he leaves, Moon's shoulders sink and tears drip down her eyes as she sits in the rain. Her face is buried in her hands.

She wishes she could drown her love and pain away.

[hockeytrashgoblin]

First Date (AustonxAshley)

Author’s note: Is this realistic? Nope. Do I care? Another nope. Enjoy.

I was sitting on my bed stressing about what I was going to wear on this date with Auston. The last time he saw me I was in a ginormous Bluejays shirt that was not very flattering so I wanted to look at least a little bit more presentable this time. However I didn’t want to be dressed up either as this wasn’t a fancy date by any means. I had argued with him for almost half an hour to get it to not be in a fancy restaurant. Instead we were going to go to the aquarium which was one of my favourite places in the world. I was worried about going to fancy restaurants since my eating habits were very strict and I was fussy.

“Leaaaah help meeeee.” I said in a snapchat video showing her the two different options. One being black ripped jeans, gray croptop, blue flannel with skull sneakers. The other one was light-wash shorts, my pizza sweater, with my blue skateboard shoes and knee socks. I kept waiting for her response but was greeted with a phone call instead.

“Hello?”

“Where are you going on this date?” she asked not bothering with small talk.

“The aquarium.”

“Seriously? Out of all the things you could do you chose something you’ve done a million times?”

“Yes. I love it there. Now which oooone?!”

“I don’t know because the pizza shirt outfit looks cute as hell on you but the flannel will be easier to not get your sleeves wet when you pet the stingrays.”

“Oh shit true! I looove the stingrays. The first time I went I wore a long sleeved shirt and then my arm froze so bad on the way home.”

“What did you shove your entire fucking arm in without rolling up your sleeve first?”

“No! I just reached too far trying to give the ray a boop.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.” I put her on speakerphone and started getting changed.

“Are you gonna do makeup and stuff?”

“Pfft no.”

“Why not? I thought your whole thing right now was that you wanted to look more presentable.”

“Yeah I want to be wearing clothes that fit and aren’t ripped by accident, not be in full glam makeup. I don’t have the patience or the talent to do that. I don’t even have foundation that matches my face right now.”

“God you’re crazy. It’s not that hard, Ash.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re good at makeup.”

“You should’ve just called me earlier, I would’ve come over to help you.”

“Nah I can’t be bothered. I don’t want him to expect me to look like that always. Makeup is a special occasion thing for me, not an everyday thing.”

“What and going on a date with Auston Matthews isn’t a special occasion?”

“It is but if I’m gonna date him long term I don’t want to do this shit all the time.”

“Are you at least gonna do your hair?”

“No.” Leah groaned loudly. “Oh my god what now?”

“You’re not even going to do your hair?!”

“No. It’s washed and brushed though if that makes you feel better?”

“Well it does a little bit, but come on. A date Ashley.”

“Well to be fair I’ve never been on a good date. All my dates have been like, mcdonald’s.”

“That is so sad? Why does no one want to treat you good?”

“Wish I knew dude.” I finished getting dressed and checked the time. “Okay Leah I gotta go Auston is going to be here soon.”

“Alright call me when you go back home, I want to hear all about this.”

“Okay bye.”

“Byyyye.” I hung up on her and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and make sure my hair was okay. My face was breaking out but there was not a whole lot I could do about it. I hoped he wouldn’t be too judgemental about it. I didn’t think he would but you never know. I went out into the livingroom putting my camera into my backpack along with some snacks incase I got hungry on the way or in there. Are you supposed to bring in snacks? No. Does that stop me from sneaking them in? Nope. I was tying up my shoes when there was a knock on my door. My heart jumped into my throat as I got up, walked up the stairs and unlocked my door. With a deep breath I open the door to find Auston smiling.

“Um hi.”

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Gooood. Would you like to come in? I’m just getting a couple things gathered up still.”

“Yeah sure.” I moved out of the way and locked the door behind us. “What’s that for? Kidnapping me there Ash? Jokes on you Mitch knows I’m here.”

“No, I have to lock it or else it will open if it’s windy at all.” I said laughing at him. “Besides I don’t think I’d have a chance in hell of kidnapping you. Too small and wimpy.”

“I donno, my face doesn’t agree with wimpy.”

“Oooh my god shut up I didn’t mean to!” I said pouting grabbing my backpack and standing in front of him.

“I’m just kidding.” he said smiling bigger. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes! Always!” I say smiling and going up the stairs dragging him behind me while he laughed at me. We got out of the house and into his car which was too nice for me to snack in that’s for sure.

“What’s wrong?” Auston asked worry on his face.

“Am I allowed to eat snacks in here?” he just laughed at me again.

“Seriously? That’s what’s got you all frown-y right now? You just want to eat some fucking snacks in my car?”

“Dude stop laughing.” I smiled and shoved his shoulder. “This car in more expensive than anything I’ve ever owned in my life I just want to make sure it’s okay..”

“You little cutie, go ahead.” he started driving right after that and I pretended I didn’t see the blush on his face. I pulled out some candy from my backpack. “Why does it say your name on that backpack?”

“Cuz it’s mine.”

“But you’re like almost 20 why do you label your bags?”

“Um well it’s kind of from the 8th grade.” this made him laugh again.

“Why do you still have it?”

“It’s adventure backpack. It’s the one I had with me at the ballgame too. I keep it for going out on tripes like this because it holds just enough and I don’t care if it gets wrecked. It’s got my name on it because it was from the grade 8 trip and like 60 of us had the same backpack.”

“Was yours full of snacks then too?”

“Yeah it sure was. Especially day two after the farmers market. I had so many fruits in there. I got so sick.”

“What did you get?”

“Strawberries mostly. My friend was supposed to split paying with me for two things of them because it was cheaper but she then didn’t want to pay me back after so I fucking ate hers too. Take that Rhiana.” I mumbled the last part and he just laughed at me again.

“That is a lot of strawberries.”

“Too many. I threw up when we got back to the dorm we were staying at. But then I was fine and ate some candy with other friends.”

“Wow. You’re crazy.”

“Those were my wild days.”

“No wild days anymore?”

“Not really. Me and my friend go to this one dance club sometimes and I go to ballgames but other than that I just sit at home on the phone with grandma watching hockey or baseball.”

“How long have you been into baseball?” he asked while looking down to his phone.

“Excuse me sir. Stop with the phone, I’m not trying to die tonight.”

“I’m just trying to put music on, I’m sorry.” he mumbled.

“Here I’ll do it, what’s the passcode?”

“Um..it’s the same as my twitter name.”

“Wow not very creative Matthews.” I go into the phone and look up a song to play.

“You never answered my question. How long have you been into baseball?”

“Since the womb. Grandma literally started on me the first season I was alive for. I went to my first game just before I turned 2.”

“Wow that’s really young.”

“Yeah I sat through the whole game though. Didn’t leave my seat once after the game started. Apparently I was really into it. We’ve been to games every year since, it’s our tradition.”

“That’s such a cool tradition to have!”

“Yeah and now we’ve started another one where we go to Sting games every year. That’s what started to get me into hockey. Then I was there for the playoffs last year so I watched it everyday. Now I sit in my house and talk to her every night while we watch hockey together but not together.”

“Was she talking to you the other night?”

“You mean when you exposed me?! Yes. Yes we were talking and let me tell you I will never hear the end of this for the rest of my life.”

“Well you should’ve been easier to find.”

“Hmmph.” I pouted getting more candy from my bag. “Would you like some chocolate almonds?”

“No that’s alright. Save me some to sneak later.” he gave me a wink and I blushed hard and looked out the window, which confused him. “What?”

“Don’t wink at me, jesus.”

“And why not?”

“Too hot. Can’t handle it.” I said looking at him and now it was his turn to blush.

“Oh. Sorry..” it was awkwardly quiet for a while until Auston broke the silence again. “Okay so you know how you said no fancy?”

“Yes. I remember arguing a lot insisting on no fancy.”

“Yeah I remember that too. You’re literally the only girl I’ve tried to date in years who turned down a fancy expensive date to go to see some fish.”

“Well I’m special what can I say? I love the fish.”

“Well I didn’t do anything fancy but I did do something.”

“Oh my god Auston what did you do?”

“I might have paid to have the aquarium to ourselves.” he said as we pulled into a parking garage close to the aquarium.

“WHAT?!”

“Maybe. Might’ve.” he quickly found a parking spot and unbuckled turning to look at me.

“Auston that’s so much! Why? I would’ve been fine with others there too..”

“I didn’t want our first date to be you fighting for my attention all night while fans talk to me and stuff..”

“Cocky. But aww I appreciate that.” I say smiling looking down. “I definitely wouldn’t be very good at fighting for attention. I’m not that interesting.”

“What? No that’s not what I meant at all!”

“Oh no, I know Auston. I didn’t mean to make it seem like that’s what I was saying.”

“I think you’re very interesting.” he said getting out of the car. I blushed but followed him out of the car. We went up some stairs and got outside, only walking a little bit until we got to the aquarium. “Here we need to go this way.”

“Austooon.”

“I’m sorry okay I just want this to be great. Now let’s gooo.” he walked over behind me and pushed my back to make me move making me giggle.

“Okay okay I’m going jeez!”

“Good. This is going to be fun I promise.”

“I know it will. I love the fish.” he laughed and rolled his eyes as we went in the back of the Aquarium.

“Welcome Mr. Matthews. Everything is in order and you guys can take your time looking through the aquarium. We hope you have a good time.”

“Um thank you.” Auston said with an awkward smile before walking into the beginning of the aquarium.

“This really wasn’t necessary you know that right?” I asked walking beside him.

“I wanted to spend time with just you. Get to know you better ya know?” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

“That’s very sweet Auston.” I said smiling at him before running off. “Look at the flat nose fish!!”

“He’s funny looking.”

“I think he looks like perry the platypus.” Auston laughed beside me.

“Yeah he kinda does.” we started walking around and seeing all of the animals. We were joking around and having a great time getting to know each other and talking about the fish. We kept sneaking snacks also which kept making Auston laugh telling me that sneaking was not needed since we were alone and making me shush him. I took a lot of pictures of the fish and I started sneaking some of Auston but of course he caught me when we were petting the little crabs.

“Are you taking pictures of me?”

“Maaaaybe?” I said shyly.

“Whyyy?”

“Because you look cute.”

“Stop no I don’t.”

“Yes you do.” I said simply as he started walking again. I put my camera away and ran a little to catch up to him but of course being as clumsy I am I ran into him and almost fell over. He caught me though thank goodness but it didn’t stop me from blushing.

“Stop trying to take me out Ashley.” he said laughing.

“I’m sooorry.”

“You’re so damn clumsy.” he complained while he was still smiling.

“Boy you don’t even know the half of it. I’m so clumsy.” we walked into shark tube and I kept looking at Auston. I was scared of sharks and while it was common knowledge to my friends and family that I panicked or needed someone to hold my hand, it was not knowledge Auston had. He had his hands in his pockets as we  stood on the conveyor belt going further into the shark tube. I thought I would be okay and I was. Until I saw a shark’s teeth. Then I freaked. I looked at Auston again who was looking around at all the animals with a smile on his face. I looked down to see his hands still in his pockets. While looking around at the animal I took his hand out of his pocket and held it.

“Um whatcha doin?”

“Sharks scare me.”

“Why did you want to come here then?” he asked laughing but holding my hand properly.

“I love the fish. I love everything except the shark teeth. The shark teeth scare me.”

“Oh no can’t have that.” he said letting go of my hand and wrapping his arm around my shoulder holding my other hand. “Is that better? Still scared?”

“Nope this is much better.” I said blushing leaning into him while we went slowly through the tube. Once we got out he moved his arm and I pouted making him laugh.

“If you wanted to hold my hand you could’ve this entire time cutie.” he grabbed my hand again and pulled me along happily through the jellyfish part of the aquarium. He loved the jellyfish and everytime he got that excited look on his face my heart beat fast. Him holding my hand still was not helping with the heart thing. We walked back up to the top level where the stingray petting was.

“Waaaait! We need to pet these little sharks first!”

“You literally just help my hand because you were scared of sharks.”

“These are tiny and I can’t see their teeth so it’s okay. Aus, look at them!!”

“Two fingers right down their backs, they love that. Don’t touch their fins though.” the worker instructed us. We nodded and went and pet them.

“They’re so cuute.”

“They aren’t the only ones.” Auston said looking at me.

“Oh my god shut up.” I said blushing hard.

“Can we go to the stingrays now please?” he asked tugging on my free hand.

“Yes! I love them! Are you ready to see me cry? Cuz I’m gonna.” I said giving him finger guns which made him scoff and roll his eyes at me with a smile. We walked up to the sandy part and I put my backpack down. I took off my flannel and shoved it into my bag before turning back to Auston who was staring at me. And I gotta say that did absolutely nothing to help my self image problems. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Why did you take your shirt off?”

“I want to pet the rays. I don’t want to get my sleeves wet and freeze on the subway.”

“If you think I’m letting you go home late at night on the subway you’re wrong.” he said rolling his eyes and his sleeves up.

“It’s not that late? It’s only like 8. I’ve been on the subway latter than this before.”

“I don’t care, I insist.”

“But it’s so far out of your way..”

“Maybe I want to spend more time with you.”

“Do you?”

“Maybe.” he said smirking at me.

“If you want to spend more time with me you just have to ask Aus.”

“Fine I want to spend more time with you so can I please bring you back home?”

“Why of course.”

We spent a lot of time with the rays before we decided to leave. Auston thanked the people at the desk and we left to go back to his car. The ride was filled with joking around and talking about all the fish and stuff we had just seen. It was really fun and we got to my house a little bit too fast for either of our liking. He walked me to my door and we stood outside for a while.

“I had a really good time with you tonight Auston..” I said shyly looking at the ground.

“I had a good time too. You’re a lot of fun.”

“Pfft yeah I know.” I said laughing. “Seriously though thank you for doing all this for me. It was really sweet of you. And thank you for holding my hand in shark tube.”

“You don’t have to thank me for holding your hand you freak.” he said smiling at me grabbing my hand. “Look I’ll do it again. Because it’s fun and I like to.”

“You’re a dork.” I said leaning in faceplanting into his chest.

“You’re cute.” he said putting his arms around me in a tight hug. “You’re different and special I can tell. I really hope you let me see you again.”

“Um yeah? If you want to deal with my clumsy ass again then definitely.” I said looking up into his eyes and smiling.

“You’ve got really pretty eyes..” he said quietly.

“Thank you Auston..You do too ya know.” I replied quietly. We were silent for a minute until Auston spoke up again.

“Can I be honest?”

“Yeah dude always.”

“I want to kiss you so bad right now but you’re so damn short.” he said making us both laugh.

“Hang on a second.” I said getting out of his hug and going up the stairs to stand on the ledge of them. “There. Now I’m tall.”

“I’m still taller, but this will work much better I think.” he said pulling me close to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he brought his soft lips to mine in a sweet simple kiss. He pulled away smiling and I was a blushing smiling mess. “Definitely worked better.”

“Shut up.” I said giving him another kiss. “Okay you should probably go.”

“Aw how come?”

“Because if you come in we’re gonna kiss more and that’s gonna lead to things and I am no hoe Auston Matthews. I will not be banging on the first date. Wait until at least the second.” I said making him go from serious to snorting in a millisecond.

“You’re hilarious. Fine I’ll go.”

“Message me when you’re home so I know you’re safe please?”

“Yeah of course I will, don’t want you worried.” he gave me another lingering kiss before leaving. “Bye Ashley.”

“Bye Auston.” I went inside my house and almost cried of happiness. This night had been absolutely perfect and he had wanted to see me again. Something no other person I’ve dated had wanted. I got into pajamas and into my bed and waited for Auston to let me know he was home. He did and he told me again that he had fun with me. I told him I had fun with him too and then went to bed with the biggest, dopiest, smile on my face.

[patrick-donovan]

BIRTHDAY BASH | DIANTRICK

WHEN: May 27th, 2020

WHERE: Hummel family’s birthday bash, Riley Hummel’s backyard

WHO: Diana Hummel & Patrick Donovan

EVENT: Patrick meets Diana. TW: Mentions of abuse

DIANA: Diana had been quite upset by the happenings earlier. During the commotion, she had disappeared to cry. It wasn’t the birthday party she envisioned. Finally, she had emerged from where she was hiding, with a smile on her face. Though it was quite evident that she had been crying, she curled up in her throne and tried to appear happy even though she was shaken to her very core.

PATRICK: Patrick walked around, drink in hand as he watched people dance and swim around. Who was this all for? It couldn't just be a regular party, there had been a table with gifts and everything. Looking around, he finally spotted three thrones; was this some kind of weird Game of Thrones-themed party? Should he expect King Joffrey to step out at any moment now to order someone to be beheaded? Walking up to it, he saw the girl sat on one of them and he gave her a small smile, instantly noticing that she might have been crying. "Hey, are you okay?"

DIANA: Long eyelashes fluttered. Makeup went from her face and had been for quite some time. Diana was very receptive l to the world around her, perhaps overly sensitive. The incident with the unknown dominant had shaken her to her core. For a moment, she rubbed her eyes but managed a smile. "I guess my family protects me too much...I didn't realize how scary some people can be here." Cause even if she didn't care if people treated her poorly, she cared about how they treated her family. And she hated herself for being too weak to do anything about it."I'm Diana Hummel, " she straightened her, tiara, "It is a pleasure to meet you."

PATRICK: Patrick listened as the girl in front of him talked. He had noticed earlier that everyone had gathered around some men, but Patrick didn't know what it had been about; and if it wasn't Patrick's business, then he wasn't going to pay attention to it. "People are scary here?" Patrick asked, eyebrows raised as he walked further up to the throne to get a better look at the girl's face. She was pretty. Beautiful, even. "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Diana Hummel. I'm Patrick Donovan," He gave her a soft smile. "I apologize if I'm rude, but I take it it's your party, since you're on the throne and everything." He motioned towards the tiara, when he said 'everything'.

DIANA: The Hummel/Hudson clan always made sure to keep Diana in a protective bubble, which was fair. Diana didn't have the most healthy coping mechanism. "I am surprised myself, you see. I thought everyone was lovely. At least everyone I had met so far was. It was just an upsetting reality to face. Especially on today of all days. I just wish I didn't feel so useless." 

When he introduced himself, she managed a genuine smile."You are not rude at all, Mr.Donovan. I think you are quite amazing and good at astute observation." A sweet twitter escaped plump lips."Yes, I am the birthday girl."

PATRICK: He furrowed his eyebrows, growing more and more interested in what had happened that had upset the girl so much. It couldn't have been that bad, because the party hadn't been broken up because of it, and as far as Patrick was concerned, no one had died. "I'm sure you're not useless at all. Look," Patrick turned around and motioned for all of the people still partying. "They're having a good time. That's most likely because you're still here, and looking great. You're definitely not useless." 

A chuckle escaped his lips as he heard her compliments. His head fell and he closed his eyes. What was this place? Raising his head again, he moved closer so he could lower his voice and still have Diana hear him. "Don't tell anyone this, but I think the glowsticks gave it away," He smiled. "Oh, it's your birthday? Well, happy birthday Diana Hummel! Now I wish I had brought a birthday present, but..." Patrick put his drink down on the ground and started searching through his pockets to see if he could find anything. "I didn't know that this was happening. In fact, I don't really know anything about this place..." He continued to mumble, before he found something and he pulled it out. "I'm sorry, but the only thing that I can give you is a stick of gum."

DIANA: Eyelashes fluttered in confusion. Because she didn't see anything about herself that would bring a party. Diana didn't have a lot of self-worth. "Most people are here for my brothers. Were triplets, you see. They are very popular and beloved, .and they should be because they are perfect. But I am still new...perhaps one day I will have as many friends as they do. But thank you ever so much for your kind words, sir." She leaned forward and pressed a kiss into his cheek. 

His little joke made her laugh. What an amusing man.to be honest, she had never met anyone quite like him. "I'm still learning too...Don't fret; you seem clever. I'm sure you'll figure it out." At the offer of the gum, she smiled. "It is okay, sir...The best gift someone can give me is their time. I'm not quite used to getting attention. But I do enjoy it quite a lot. So perhaps we could get a drink?"

PATRICK: "I'm aware that siblings tend to compare themselves with each other, but I'm also pretty sure you shouldn't do it, because you're not them," Patrick said, giving the girl a small reassuring smile, before continuing to offer her his philosophy of life. "I don't really think it matters if they're popular and have a lot of friends, y'know? As long as you're not surrounding yourself with toxic people, then you're good." He couldn't help the slight blush that came over his cheeks as he felt her press her lips against his cheek. During all of this, it was unexpected. Maybe this nightmare was turning into a dream. 

He wanted to ask what she meant when she said that he'd figure it out. He was still confused about it all, but he decided to drop it instead. It didn't seem like the thing the girl needed right now, and Patrick decided to instead focus on cheering her up. He leant back down to pick up his almost-empty drink and stuck the gum back into his pocket. "You don't have to call me 'sir', y'know? You can just call me Patrick," Licking his lips, he tasted the sweet Jack Daniels. "You're not used to getting attention? That's how I know this is a dream..." He mumbled. "A drink sounds good. Lead the way?" Holding his arm out, he offered Diana his hand to get up from her seat.

DIANA: "I could never compare myself to them. I could never be so bold. My big brothers are my idols. I adore them. But thank you so much for your kind words."  When he blushed, she giggled. It was rare for her to make someone blush. Normally it was the other way around. 

A small pour on full lips; when he said not to call him sir.  Delicate finger pointed to the cuff on his wrist."While in public I must refer to you with honorifics. For you are a Switch and above me in social status.  " When he inspired about the attention, she smiled."I'm kind of shy when I'm not dancing."  Happily she took his arm and lead him to the drink table. "What would you like me to make you Mr.Patrick?"

PATRICK: "You don't hear that a lot, especially not from siblings," Patrick nodded, impressed. "It's nice for a change." He was so used to always hearing siblings bicker about silly little things. He didn't know Diana at all, so he wasn't sure if that was a thing that they did, but from the sounds of it, it seemed like it wasn't. 

Patrick had noticed the cuff earlier, but figured that it was to unlock the door to his room or something. Apparently not. He knew he'd chosen 'switch' because that was what he was, but why did that have anything to do with the titles that he should be given? He was so confused. "I'm above you?" He furrowed his eyebrows. He was not getting it at all. "Wait, is this like a dom/sub thing?" He knew what it was, he practiced it, but...was this just a world of it? "Oh, so you dance? What kind of dancing? And why aren't you out there doing it now?" Patrick asked Diana, growing curious about the girl. He wanted to get to know her better. He hummed lightly as his eyes scanned over the many options. "How about you surprise me with your favorite drink?" He gave her a grin, hoping that it would encourage her. 

DIANA: The Hummel Triplets were far from ordinary; all things considered. Probably too close for the comfort of most. But the love between them was solid. One would be pressed to find one to say something negative about the others. The love between them was solid.  “I love them more than I love myself. I’d do anything for them. I’d die for them…” Eyelashes fluttered as she looked down at the floor bashfully. 

“Yes, I must show you reverence.” Diana’s free hand found it’s way to her collar. “Because you are a Switch, which comes above a Submissive. The collar indicates that I am a submissive. What we are in is a Caste System.” When he questioned if it was a dom/sub thing, Diana nodded..”I hope I am explaining this okay….I am entirely new myself. But again, I have my brothers to lead me. And I want to make them proud. So I must be a good girl.” 

When Patrick inquired about what dance; Her face lit up. “I was a Prima Ballerina. My Big Brother Riley is going to request a studio for me. But until then…I am just concentrating on working and being the best submissive I can be. And there aren’t jobs for Prima Ballerina’s here.” There was a nod when Patrick said to surprise him. Diana always liked fruit things. So quickly, she made them both screwdrivers and handed him over the glass with a smile. “Cheers, Mr. Donovan?” A giggle escaped her.

PATRICK: Patrick was kinda of amazed with the adoration that Diana had for her brothers. It was wonderful to see, and it intrigued him. What were her brothers like, since she loved them so much? He bit down on his lip as he thought of his next question, not knowing whether he should ask it or not, but feeling brave, he went for it. "You love them more than you love yourself?" He started out, not really knowing how to word the next sentence. "I'm sorry, but I should probably make it more clear...I'm an only child, I don't really know what it's like to have siblings. I mean, I have friends that I'm really close with and I consider brothers and sisters, but I don't think I love them more than I love myself. I don't know...I feel like you should come before anyone else, in terms of who you love, y'know?" Patrick wasn't sure if he was making himself clear, but he hoped that he wasn't crossing any lines. It was quite a deep conversation with someone he'd only just met. 

His eyes followed her hand up to her neck. He'd wondered what they were; he'd figured that they were just some sort of local, cultural thing that people wore, but it turned out to not be. At all. Diana was providing more information about this whole thing than he'd been able to get out of the secretary at the place where had to make a decision. It was nice for a change. "No no, you're doing great!" He assured her. He wanted to give her a smile to make sure that she knew he meant it, but a pained and confused expression lingered, and he couldn't shake it off. It was just so much to take in, all at once. "So, I'm a switch. Does that mean I'm below the Dominants?" 

It was wonderful to see how happy she got, after he'd asked about the dancing. It was a welcomed change from before when it had been clear that she had cried. "Oh wow, that's amazing! I hope you get that studio, I'd love to see you perform at some point!" 

Patrick accepted the drink with a smile on his face and clinked his glass with hers. "Cheers, Diana!"

DIANA: When Patrick wished to confirm that Diana loved her brothers more than herself, she nodded. There was a small, sad smile on her face. “Oh, yes, they mean everything to me.” Head tilted, and confusion read on her face, as he continued. Diana’s family was big. Once upon a time, she had felt it was too big. Though since she had come here, she had begun to appreciate her step-siblings. “I do not mean to disagree, sir. But I don’t think that is the point of love. I think the point of love is it is bigger than yourself. Loving is the only thing I’m good at, other than dancing. Oh, I think when you love someone, it’s supposed to be all-encompassing and big!” Arms spread out wide to emphasize her point. 

The information that she was doing great; made the prima ballerina beam from ear to ear. “Thank you! I am happy to serve you, Mr. Donovan.” When he inquired if it means he was below Dominants, Diana nodded. “Yes, Dominants are the highest in this society, switches are the middle, and submissives are the lowest. So, anyone that is a Dominant, you would have to show reverence. But your fellow and Switches and Submissives you can call by name, and treat normally.” 

“Oh, I definitely will get the Studio. Big Brother Riley, always keeps his promises. And he loves me so. He’d never break his word.” When they clink glasses, Diana moved in closer. “You are quite lovely sir. I know this place can be scary. And I am sorry if you find here a discomfort. But the circumstances being what they are, I am glad we met. I would like to get to know you more. Would you like to join me in the cabanas? They are very comfortable.?”

PATRICK: "Huh..." Diana's explanation of the love thing wasn't exactly what he'd expected. He was pleasantly surprised by it. "Don't say that you're only good at loving and dancing, I'm sure you're good at millions of other things! Like, smiling. You're really good at that, if I may say so myself," Patrick said, a hand coming up to scratch the scruff on his cheek before motioning to her. "And, I mean, you're great company, and you're really good at explaining how you feel - not a lot of people can say the same. That's just my observation after having hung out with you for, what, 5 minutes?" 

It was all starting to somewhat make sense to Patrick, although he still couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that he'd been chosen to come here. It was all very weird to him, but he kept quiet for now about it. "So, I can call you Diana then, yes? Or would you prefer I call you something else?" It felt weird to Patrick. He wasn't exactly new to this; this was normal for him - but back in New York, not on some island that he apparently couldn't escape from. He wanted to make sure that he was being respectful, even if he was supposed to be the one dominating the girl. 

Patrick nodded, listening to the girl. He wasn't sure who Riley was, but if he was staying on the island, he's most likely run into him at some point, he didn't doubt that. He took a sip of his drink, before noticing that Diana moved closer to him. His eyes traveled from hers down to her lips and back up again, before he was able to send signals from his brain to his mouth, so he could respond. "Yeah...yeah, I'd love to get to know you better. You're one of the first people here who have made me feel comfortable, so I won't pass on that opportunity," He gave her a toothy smile, something that was rare for Patrick, and he took her hand into his and started walking through the crowd and towards the cabana.

DIANA: Patrick was quite dreamy, and she wasn’t talking about his immaculate facial features.  It was his personality that captured her attention. Even in his confusion, he spared time to be kind to her. That was not something she’d soon forget. No, this was a kindness she’d remember and cherish. “You are so very kind, sir,” her head shook, but she couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. One that only increased when he told her, she was good at smiling. “I was quite sad but being around you as cheered me up exponentially. “My family is so proficient and amazing. I always feel like the odd one out. The useless one, all I offer to a situation, is positive words and fruit baskets.  Thank you for being so kind….It has brightened up my birthday.” All the word Puck had put into cheering her up, sadly, had been dashed by the meany dom. “You are amazing, Mr. Donovan; I do hope we can become friends…” 

When he inquired if he could call her Diana, he nodded. “You can call me Diana. I’d like that quite a bit. Most people either call me Diana or Princess…But you don’t have to call me that.” The blush increased on the already rosy cheeks. “Is there a title you’d like me to call you, Mr. Donovan? Something special? I would be more than happy to comply.” Hazelnut hues cast downward, nervously. Curious if he liked to be called something else. 

Nervously Diana bit her bottom lip as she noticed Patrick looking at her. “I’m glad…Before I came here when I wasn’t dancing…I kind of faded into the background. I’m glad that I could make you feel comfortable. I know sometimes things can be scary….But I always feel like the unknown is less scary when we have friends. You know?” Happily, she took the other’s hand as they made their way to the cabana. The girl sat down with her drink and took a small sip.  While her other hand didn’t let go of his. “So, tell me about yourself. What makes Mr. Patrick Dovovan, Mr. Patrick Donovan?”

PATRICK: "You know what though? Sometimes being the positive one in the family means that you're the most important one. I mean, you can have the funny one who always delivers the jokes at the dinner table, or the one that you call when you've gotten yourself in trouble and they'll come and get you at 3 in the morning. But to be the one who offers kindness and love is so valuable, especially in families," Patrick told the girl, shrugging his shoulders. Perhaps it didn't "seem" as exciting as being the party person, or the rebel of the family, but it was still so incredibly important. "I say we're definitely already friends. I'm glad I could help turn that frown upside down." 

Patrick's paranoia and weird feeling about being on the island was starting to go away, and he felt more at ease, thanks to Diana. He chuckled and shook his head, holding a hand up. "No, you don't have to call me anything. I'd prefer Patrick, but if there's a formality thing in public that we gotta keep up with, then Mr Donovan is just fine," He told her, smiling sincerely at her. She was being way too sweet for her own good. "I like 'Diana' - it's a lovely name, and it fits perfectly." 

His eyes caught her biting her lip, just seeing her perfectly white teeth cling onto it softly. Was it getting hot? "I'm sorry, but I don't really believe that. Have you seen yourself? There's no way in hell someone as gorgeous as you just "fades into the background," Patrick said and took a sip of his drink. Sitting down next to her, he smiled at her question. "Well..." He started, making himself more comfortable on the bed as he leaned back against the rest. "My dad's Irish and my mom's Italian. Together they had me and we lived a quiet life in suburban Long Island. I'm a painter, an Aquarius and there's a common myth going on within my mom's family that we're all somewhat related to Julius Caesar," He told her and gave her a small smile. "How about you? Besides dancing, what else is there to Diana?"

DIANA: “I believe in everyone so much with all my heart. I just wish I could find in myself with the same zeal. People here seem to get upset when I talk poorly about myself. Thank you for making me feel important and good. I guess the past five years, and I got used to being a bad girl…” Eyes cast downward as she thought of Mr.Ludwig. People here did not seem to react to him well. It was hard for her to comprehend. For the longest time, she just thought he was in the right, that he just wanted her to be perfect because she wanted to be accurate.

For a moment, she was lost in thought, but she shook her head and smiled. Especially when he said they were already friends. For a moment, she set the drink down. Arms wrapped around his neck, and she gave him the biggest hug. Soft full lips pressed up against his cheek. Supple barely clad body pressed up against his.“Oh, thank you so much, sir! I will try my best to be a good friend to you!” It was evident she was excited at the prospect. 

“Okay! I will happily call you, Mr. Donovan. Perhaps in private if I am brave enough, I can call you, your first name. “ Eyelashes fluttered up at him as she finally let go of him. “Sorry….I can get a bit over-excited at times, sir.” It was evident she was slightly embarrassed. “I apologize if that was too forward. You are just so kind…You make me feel lovely. Even about something as silly as my name.” Nervously she began to play with the chestnut hair before she picked up her drink again. A longer sip of the beverage taken, it hopes of calming her nerves.

“You think I’m gorgeous?” Diana is all smiling; she finds it hard to contain herself. “You are a painter? That’s so interesting. What style of art do you paint?” When he mentioned Julius Caesar, she began to laugh. “Et Tu Mr. Donovan?” she said in a cute teasing tone. “I performed the Ballet Rendition of Julius Cesear before. I was Calphurnia….” For a moment, she paused and wondered what she did other than dancing. “Since I left my family five years ago…My whole life has been dancing. I lived, breathed, ate, my art…It’s really only since I got here that I have had time to explore other things. It’s nice to have time to explore myself…Even if it’s a tough adjustment.”

PATRICK: Nodding, Patrick listened intently. It did sound like there were some self-esteem issues, but it wasn't his place to say anything. He'd only just met the girl, he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with herself. "I think everyone has those periods of time where they pour more love and affection into other people than themselves. I mean, it's only human, especially to be your own worst critic, right?" He knew that all too well, especially when it came to his art; he could be very harsh on himself if he didn't like what he was making. "You need to give yourself some credit though. The love that you have for them clearly comes from the best place; you've only got yourself to thank for having such a big heart." It felt like Diana needed to hear something positive about herself, and Patrick was trying. He wanted to get to know the girl better, so he could tell her about the positives that he saw in her. 

Suddenly he felt a pair of arms sneak around his neck and he almost fell backwards at the impact. With a small "oomf" escaping his lips, one arm moved to the side so he wouldn't spill any of his drink on her, and the other moved around her, his palm flattening on her back. He couldn't help but chuckle at how excited she was. "That's okay," He started out, his voice coming out in a laughter. "I don't doubt you for a second." He could feel her breasts press against his chest, the smoothness of the skin on her arms grace against the nape of his neck, the lips on his cheek again, causing a low but quiet moan to escape his lips. She pulled away, and Patrick's smile had turned into him licking his lips and taking a step backwards, composing himself. He cleared his throat before he spoke up again. "Yeah, I'd really like if you could call me 'Patrick'. Or 'Patty', if you want?" He offered, and managed a to present a small smile, still trying to get over what just happened. "Don't apologize, please. It's perfectly fine if you want to hug me, I'm not going to say no to that."

"Mhm-hmm," He hummed and took a sip of his drink. "And I don't think I'm the only one who thinks you're gorgeous. I mean, it's pretty obvious," The sweetness of the apple juice from the Screwdriver lingered on his tongue. "Um...mostly just oils on canvas, small sketches; life studies and such," He told her before cracking another wide smile and a shrug at her little joking comment about Caesar. "I highly doubt that we are related, but it sounds cool to say, so I tell people the story and they usually enjoy it." Listening, it was clear to Patrick that there was such a big passion for dancing, for the girl. She lit up in a way, when she spoke about it. "Oh yeah? What have you discovered about yourself?"

DIANA: Diana had ridiculously low self-esteem. It seemed from various things that built up over time. “I was timid, I still can’t be shy. I am trying to work on being less shy here. It has been difficult, though. I always fear I am annoying, people will get sick of me, or will overstep my bounds.” The people here were so kind, however, which was a great help. “It is people like you who show me such kindness…That makes things easier for me. So far, tonight is the only time I’ve seen cruelty. It wasn’t directed towards me, but I could see the pain my brother was in. I just wish I could be more help….” She sighed softly but then shook her head. “But let’s not think of sad things. Not when we are having such a pleasant time.” 

The feeling of his hand against the small of her back was pleasant. It was firm, secure, and warm.  “Okay, I’ll call you Mr. Patty, I like that name. It’s so happy. It is a happy-sounding name. In private, I shall call you by just your name.” Even at her birthday party, she was naturally obedient. When he said he could hug her, the girl slipped her arms slipped around him again. Her body snuggled up to his side, head rested upon his shoulder. “Then, I would be more than happy to oblige, sir….”And she was, he had a very calming aura about him. It made her feel extremely comfortable.

For a moment, Diana thinks of all the people who said she was pretty since she got here. Maybe her sisters were right. She was her own worst enemy. “If you’d ever required a dancer to pose for you, I’d be more than happy to oblige. I can be a good girl and stay still.”  For a moment, her eyelashes flutter and tickled against his neck. “It’s a good story; you are very much a skilled orator.” For a moment, she paused and blushed. 

“Due to circumstances before I got here, my sexcapades were often dictated by others. For the first time, I am trying to figure out what I like…Not what other people like for me. But I’m afraid I might have some naughty desires…I know most people think I’m naïve and dumb…But I do know things! People made fun of me when I first got here because I didn’t know what cream pies were….But whom I was with before wouldn’t ever allow such a thing. And it never came up.…. But I do know other things…I like to dress for up….” Out of slight embarrassment, she buried her face into the nape of his neck. “I like when my movement and senses are deprived and/or restricted…I like impact play…Everyone treats me like I’m so delicate I’m going to break….But I’m stronger and can handle more than they think.”

PATRICK: "Unless you explicitly go out of your way to push someone's buttons, then I can't imagine you'd annoy anyone," The thought of it was kind of strange to the guy; as far as he could tell, Diana was a lovely, sweet girl. He got a feeling that she was the type of person who wanted to please everyone and make everyone happy. He was the exact opposite. He liked to rile people up so much that they got frustrated with him, because he thought their reaction was funny. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not knowing what the girl was talking about. He wanted to ask her what had happened, not having seen it, but she wanted to move on, and Patrick was happy to do that. It took his mind off of being new on the island and not knowing anything. 

He hummed lightly and smiled softly at the girl. "I can get down with that, Diana," He emphasized on her name, wanting her to know that he did really like it. The second hug didn't come as such a big surprise as the first one had, but feeling her settle in was a new feeling. It was nice. He arm snuck back around her, holding her there against his side. He wasn't unfamiliar with getting friendly with someone this fast, so he didn't have anything against it. It was a good sign that he was doing something right. 

"Oh yeah? You'd pose for me?" He asked her, taking a moment to act like he was thinking about it. He wasn't really. The girl was hot, she had a great body, and he was pretty sure that she'd make for a great model - he made a mental note of getting some art supplies, if he were to stay on the island. "I think we could sort something out. I'm probably not going to leave this place anytime soon, and it'd be good to keep drawing. But only if you promise you'll show me some of your dances." He said, raising a finger to emphasize on that promise.

Patrick listened as she started telling him about the things she'd done, during her stay. She was absolutely adorable when he felt her face in the crook of his neck, and he couldn't help but laugh. "I think it's because you move so elegantly; even when you walk," He started out, moving his head slightly to look at her. "It sounds like you've got a lot of living to do still. That's good. I'm kinda happy that you're not with those other people anymore. It's healthy to be on your own and figure yourself out." His hand started running slowly up and down her arm, his finger light on the silk-like skin. He was hoping it would comfort her.

DIANA: “Really?” Honestly, she knew she could annoy her sisters at times. She was annoyed by her self doubt and self-deprecation. It was one of the reasons why she left in the first place. It made her ever so self-conscious. The affirmation that she wasn’t annoying helped. It made her heart feel warm. Like perhaps her greatest fears were not valid. There were so many people since she got here, that tried to assuage her. Maybe she had to try her best to get out of her own head. “I’m hoping here…I could gain some confidence…I’m only really confident when I’m dancing. Like that’s me, I wish everyone could see all the time.” 

It had been some time since Diana had been held like this. When she was a perfect girl, Mr. Ludwig would. It made her feel safe and warm. Mr. Dovovan was nothing like her former director. There was kindness and warmth to him, Mr.Ludwig lacked. That made her feel exceptionally safe. For Diana, she craved attention to be validated. Therefore she quickly molded to whomever she interacted. Forever naïve and trusting of all those who crossed her path. Happily, she snuggled into the warmth of him. It was a simple thing, but it honestly did bring her joy.

When Patty asked for confirmation that she’d pose for him, she nodded excitedly. “I know you don’t wish to be here…But as long as you’re here, I will try to make your stay easier. You have shown me such kindness. All you have to do is name something within my power, and it’s yours.” When he requested to see her dances, she smiled so brightly it made the sun look dim. “Of course. I would be happy to put on a special performance for you.” It was nice to speak to someone who appreciated art; appreciated her skill. 

“Thank you….I will cherish that compliment. “ Diana’s head moved up, and her eyes met his. The beautiful full lips only inches away from his own. “Thank you…I did stuff, but it’s complicated. I think I was in a bad relationship before I got here….And we did a lot of stuff because I trusted him. But he often tried to keep me in the dark of the truth of what we were doing. It’s like he wanted me to stay naïve and uneducated. But since I’ve gotten here, I started reading up on stuff….I’m learning a lot. And I’ve met so many wonderful people who wish to teach me the right way to do things. Are you well versed in this lifestyle, sir???”

PATRICK: Patrick nodded, shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah, I don't really think anyone's presence just annoys someone. You gotta do something to get that reaction out of people," He couldn't see what she meant when she'd said that she was scared of annoying people. Unless she was a bit like Patrick and liked provoking people - but she didn't come across as the sort of person who'd do that. No, Diana was more timid and shy, but also incredibly sweet and gentle it seemed. She wouldn't do something like it. "What do you feel, when you dance? Like, emotionally?" 

At the mention of him not wanting to be there, he swallowed hard. It made him think about his family again, wondering what they were thinking, if they were worrying why he wasn't there to help his mom out with whatever she needed him to do. Images started flying through his head of what his funeral would be like, who would be there to mourn him. He needed to get out of this place, because he didn't want that to be a reality that his parents should deal with. For now though, while he tried to figure out how to get home, it was comforting to know that he'd made a friend in Diana, and that she wanted to make it nice for him there. "Wow, you're a regular Genie, aren't you?" A grin appeared on his lips after the joke. 

Growing concerned, Patrick's eyebrows knitted together, revealing the perturbed expression on his face. "He's not here, is he? Like, he couldn't possibly come and do you anymore harm, right?" He asked her, not wanting the girl to fall back into that kind of lifestyle again. It didn't sound healthy. At her question, Patrick took a moment to think. Was he well-versed? "Um...sort of, I guess?" He started out. "I'm not inexperienced, if that's what you think. I'm just gonna say that I know a thing or two about it. Why do you ask? Do I appear uninformed about it to you?" A teasing little smile hid on his lips as he waited for her answer.

DIANA: It didn’t seem that way with Diana’s sisters. Sometimes she felt that her mere breath annoyed them. It was one of the reasons she ran off ever so long ago. “You think it’s that simple?” Head cocked to the side in slight confusion. That is not how things had transpired in her life.  The next question got Diana thinking of something else. Which she was happy for the reprieve. “I feel perfect. I feel like I can do anything.” She said in a dreamy tone. “But when I’m not dancing, I feel like I’m perpetually the third wheel…The odd one out…” 

A giggle escaped the pretty lips, as Patty called her a Genie. “Oh, I would love that. Like I Dream of Jeannie, I loved that show as a child. I am aware of how culturally inappropriate it is now…..,” she pouted a bit and sighed. “Is it terrible for me to still love that outfit, though? It was so cute…” Honestly, she was easily confused by such things. “I think I’d look cute in it…” Nervously she buried herself into his neck against like an ostrich, hiding in the sand. “I committed a faux pas, didn’t it?” 

When Patrick inquired about Mr. Ludwig, Diana shook her head. “No, he isn’t here…..” For a moment, she looked perplexed, at the mention of harm. But she didn’t bring it up.  It was hard for her to understand she had been in an abusive relationship. In some ways, she wasn’t ready to come to terms with it. So instead, she just smiles, “Already protective of me? Like a Knight in Shining Armor.” She nuzzled his neck softly. “No, I didn’t think that. I’m sorry…I am just curious. What a guy like you would be into…. You are like handsome, cool, and strong Oh gosh I’m so embarrassing.” Her face turned to beat red.

PATRICK: Taking a sip of his drink, Patrick heard Diana's question and it made him shake his head. He swallowed before answering. "I think people are that complicated," He started. "No one's the same, you know? Sure, someone grew up watching the same movies as you or eating the same branded cereal, but something different's happened to everyone that makes them unique - and, therefore, react differently to things. I don't know, but to me, the thought of someone just existing being annoying is kind of extreme." He took another sip of his drink, finishing it and putting the glass down beside him. Patrick listened on as Diana described how she felt. "Well...we can't have you dancing 24/7 because I'm pretty sure that's not healthy, but it sounds like it should be some sort of goal, to feel that way even when you're not dancing." 

He let out a chuckle as she started to talk about the TV show. She was being really cute. "No, I don't think so. I think it's completely valid. I mean, her outfit was more shocking back then than it is now. But that's just looking at the wardrobe choices in that show, let's not get into the content, because phew, there'd be a lot to cover there," Patrick said, smiling. "Although, I'm sure you'd look very cute in her costume." 

"Good..." He started out, his voice low. He hated knowing if his friends were having trouble, and he generally felt protective of people, wanting to help as much as possible, if he could. Sometimes, that had resulted in him getting a busted lip or a black eye, but mostly, it could be resolved over a conversation, something that Patrick was grateful for. He shrugged his shoulders, smiling coyly. "I just don't want anything to happen to my friends, that's all." He explained. "I was just kidding, Diana, don't worry," Patrick chuckled. "If you do want to know, then yes, I'm quite familiar with the whole d/s lifestyle. I've mostly acted as the Dominant one, but I also quite enjoy being Submissive. Which, makes me a Switch, obviously."

DIANA: Diana liked listening to him talk, but she often felt that way about artists. They had such a beautiful way of expressing themselves and the world around them. If she were, to be honest, she could listen to him talk all day. “You are brilliant, Mr. Donovan.” The Prima Ballerina smiled up at him ever so sweetly. “You think everyone has something that makes them unique? I think that’s kind of beautiful….I guess that’s why I always wanted to be the perfect Prima Ballerina. Because I felt like I’m so blind…” The joke he made had her all a titter. “I’ve been working on it. Trying to be more confident. I’ve worked on talking and meeting people….Before I came here, I was painfully shy. Plus, I wasn’t allowed out much the past few years. But because of trying, I’m not lying here with you.” 

“A belly button? On my Television? Scandalous.” Diana made a funny face at him and moved. In the new position, she was on top of him slightly. The long slender but muscular leg slid around him.“Right? That is a whole mess. But I like things that are pink and cute. I know how stereotypical, right? I just…They make me feel good. So it only makes sense that I like the outfit.” At the compliment, she gave him a little squeeze. “I do love playing dress….” 

Hand reached up to his cheek; her thumb stroked it gently. “You have a good heart.” She leaned in and placed another kiss on his cheek. But this time, it was lower, closer to his mouth. “I think we shall be excellent friends.” She grows even more relaxed as he states that he’s kidding. “What do you like to do when it comes to d/s? If I may ask? You don’t have to tell me, of course….I’m just curious and eager to learn.”

PATRICK: Hearing Diana's compliment, Patrick sucked in a deep breath, his eyebrows raising before he let go of the air in his lungs with a chuckle mixed in. His hand went to the back of his head to scratch. He wasn't really sure how to take that. Sure, Patrick could be cocky, and he knew that he was good-looking and talented when it came to his art, but when it came to himself as a person, he wasn't really the best at taking compliments. He felt a slight blush creep up on his cheeks again, before he cleared his throat and gave a thanking nod. "Why did you feel blind?" He asked her, genuinely curious what the reason was. "You know, I'm really happy to hear that, because I feel truly lucky to be here with you right now," He gave her a bright smile. "I think, by the sounds of it, and seeing you here with me right now, you've done a great job of trying." 

Patrick was about to make another joke when he saw and felt Diana move. She was suddenly closer to him; pressed up against him. He swallowed hard. He wanted to listen to what she was saying, but the feeling of her body on his, her legs moving around him, her lips right there in front of him. He zoned out completely as he took in her features. She was absolutely gorgeous. Humming, he just nodded, hoping that it was the right answer to what she was saying. "Yeah, me too..." 

The feeling of her hand on his cheek caught him off guard. Where was this going? It was definite flirting, that was for sure. But what did that mean? "You can thank my mom for that," Patrick let out, his voice coming out full of air as if it had been knocked out of him. The kiss near his mouth had been the reason for that. He had to take a moment to think before he could answer her next question. He cleared his throat. "Um...I like a lot of things. Voyeurism, public sex, rough sex, edging, BDSM...I mean, hell, even vanilla sex is great, y'know?"

DIANA: Diana was running on liquid courage. Surprised, such a handsome and charming man would want to be entangled with her in a cabana. She was in absolute awe of him, his confidence. The one thing that always attracted her to people. The blush on his cheeks catches her by surprise. For it is her usually that is the blushing mess. Not that he was a mess. But it was rare for her to have that effect on people. “I’m sorry, I misspoke. I meant bland. Like in comparison to others, I don’t shine as brightly. It’s stupid, I know…” Fingers danced along his jawline. “Good. I want to make you feel nice. Because that is how you make me feel, I could stay like this all night.” 

Long brown curls fell into his face as she adjusted herself on top of him. A darling laugh escaped her as she looked down on him.  Eyes locked onto his, there was a forlorn look in her eyes. She noticed he wasn’t listening to her. “I know I’m boring; I’m sorry for boring you. I can be quiet if you’d like. I’ll do whatever you want of me…I’m sorry.” 

Gently Diana continued to stroke his cheek as he spoke. “If I could, I would. She did an excellent job raising you.” As Patrick spoke, she heard Eyelashes fluttered as a blush crept against her cheek. “No, I don’t know. I’m not sure if I ever had vanilla sex…I don’t even think I’d know-how. I don’t even know how to cum without permission….” Honest words spoke sweetly, even if the truth behind them was dark.

PATRICK: "What? I'm sorry, I'm confused, did you say that you don't shine as brightly as others?" Patrick asked rhetorically, before continuing. "Now that's a big fat lie if I've ever heard one. There's no way that you can go unnoticed anywhere," He scoffed and shook his head. Did she really think that she was bland? She was so beautiful, Patrick didn't understand it. "Yeah? I wouldn't have anything against that, I'm quite comfortable like this. And I've got amazing company." He smirked, before moving a hand up to run his thumb over her bottom lip softly before cupping her cheek. 

Hearing what she said, Patrick snapped out of it. "No! No. You're not boring. It's just..." He sucked in a deep breath. "You're beautiful," He told her, not knowing how to continue on from that and explain that he'd stopped listening because he was focusing on her lips, which probably wasn't the best way to get to know a girl. He looked up at her. "I just couldn't help but admire you for a moment there." 

The sudden thought of not being able to tell his mom that someone praised her way of raising her son hit him. He didn't want to think about his parents again, he wanted to just get home to them. There was definitely a way, he was sure of it. The good thing about the conversation that he was having with Diana, was that he didn't want to think about his mom at all, and it was a good distraction from what was going on. "You don't-" Shocked to hear that, Patrick moved slightly under the girl, his hands finding her hips. "That's...I don't even know what to say. So when you masturbate, how do you reach your climax?"

DIANA: It was something that Diana always felt. Crippling insecurity. In many ways, it controlled her entire life. To have someone call her a liar to her face was ever quite shocking. But she was thankful. “Perhaps I have been kept away too long. I am so happy you think so kindly of me. “ Her breath hitched as she ran his thumb over her bottom lip, and cupped her cheek. This was an excellent way to spend a birthday. 

“You think I’m beautiful?” The worry in her face went to bashful. Eyes looked down as she rested her head on his chest, nervously. With all the courage the submissive could muster, she leaned up and pressed her lips against the man. Immediately almost pulling back. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry….I just let the moment take over. I’ve never done that before. I’m so embarrassed.” 

Trying to work through her embarrassment, the next questioned helped because she could be a matter of fact about it. “I only have cum once without permission, and someone talked me through it. I only masturbate when people tell me I can. If not, I just don’t touch myself. I do not want to be a bad girl and disappoint anyone……I’m weird, aren’t I?” She looked up at him innocently and sighed.

PATRICK: “You don’t deserve to walk around, thinking that no one’s gonna notice you,” Patrick spoke up, not wanting her to feel like she was no one, or that no one would notice her. It was fairly obvious to Patrick that that wasn’t the case at all, based on her beauty. “It’s not being kind, it’s being honest,” He shrugged his shoulder. He wasn’t lying. Kindness had nothing to do with it, it all came down to the truth. 

He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. She really had to ask him? How could this girl not see her own beauty? Nodding, he licked his lips. “Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? I’m surprised that a mirror hasn’t begged you to just stand in front of it, so it could look at you. I mean, that sounds very Disney-like, but seriously, you’re really beaut-” He was cut off by the sudden feeling of here lips on his. And as sudden as it was that she was kissing him, it was also really sudden when she pulled away again. 

Patrick wasn’t sure what to say or do, or how to react. It had all happened so fast. But he did know that she shouldn’t be apologizing. His hand moved up so he could put a finger on her lips to shush her gently. Then, he leaned in to replace his finger with his own lips, in a soft and delicate kiss.

[funface2]

101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. 

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes  150 Good Morning Quotes  100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes  50 Friday Quotes  50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Deck the Hall, his jokes are folly

RIGHT, well, been some sort of seven days.

The highs of celebrating one of the most exciting players in our generation giving up the game suddenly midseason, through to an awful piece of radio causing nothing but further grief in its wake 

The footy is pretty good as well, or is it, because we’re changing the whole game so much it will resemble bat tennis come the end of the year are we not? 

Lots to get into, all this redundant intro is just holding back the inevitable..

 1.       Let us start with the infamous Barry Hall joke last week. This will be of no surprise to most of you. Firstly, Barry’s comments, yeah not funny, came from nowhere. Yes, Liz Ellis, from nowhere, but we’ll get to you soon Liz let me assure you!

The background I want to touch on first is that Erinn’s pregnancy has often been discussed on Triple M when Leigh has been on air. On numerous occasions the radio has got Erinn on the air for a quick chat, and last Friday again was no exception. Leigh has shared some of his biggest moments on air with the listeners, from the calamity of their wedding plans on the breakfast show through to updates with the Erinn and the baby’s progress as he joined the football team this year.

2.       Next is that, and we don’t need to address Barry, he had a shocker, we know this, but Leigh was asked by Mark Howard first for the latest ‘milestone’ if you like in the lead up to the big day, to which the sweep indeed had happened just that day, and for those who care to realise, it was then Nathan Brown who then took it up to the cliff’s edge. Mark Howard opened the bowling by asking Leigh “have you had the old stretch”, Leigh at one point then said, “I can’t really explain it…” either unsure or uncomfortable, and then old Browny really got the wheels in motion by “explain it, talk about your wife’s sweep, go on…” and so he did, apologised on the run for being so honest about it, Barry then went with his zinger, and here we now are.

3.       Barry doesn’t make the joke nothing is even mentioned. That’s the truth. Leigh has copped it since for his explanation, his description. Two things, not only was the way Leigh described it honest if somewhat off the cuff, but to be real it is what that procedure is – it need not be taboo. Sure, others may have found it uncomfortable (Leigh’s comments, not Barry, we aren’t touching on Barry today), but to suggest Leigh is at fault for what brought this all to a head in the first place, which is Hall’s joke, if you can even call it a joke, is farcical.

4.       And before we take aim at some individuals to end this topic, can I just say, some perspective please, for all those who enjoy being offended, and seek offense out so they can proclaim they are offended – little Noah arrived Sunday, he is a gem, he is a little star and maybe one day he’ll pull on his dad’s red, white and black and may he never know about a stupid fallout to some dumb radio only a couple days before his arrival.

5.       Ok, so, who’s first up for a lashing. Liz. Right. So she went national on her Sunday morning TV spot, and she’s accruing some poor form in this area, by having a whack at Leigh for talking about his wife. Yes, Triple M, its culture, its style, up for conjecture, no doubt. But as I’ve touched on, Erinn was on the radio herself, and then for Howard and Brown  spurring the conversation on, if you’re going to whack Leigh for a moronic link between his comments warranting Hall’s brainfade, then you have to go back a further step – if Leigh wasn’t asked, he wouldn’t have said a thing, and I’d be probably talking about Ross Lyon at this point or something. If we’re going to talk about sanctioning people for being silly on a national broadcast, I’m sure there’s a candidate in the mirror at home, Liz.

6.       Now onto my new mate Darren Levin. I don’t know him, he mustn’t be that important. Nor am I, granted, but still nor is he. But I like two of his tweets from last Friday. I’ll give you the second one first, which is “I’ve listened to the Triple M audio and *everyone* should be sacked. Why were they even talking about it in the first place?”. Wow, ok, settle down. But only minutes earlier he tweeted, “CAN SOMEONE PLS TELL ME WHAT HE SAID? IT’S KILLLLLLING ME”. Now Darren. No. We aren’t sacking everyone, don’t be so alarmist. But if you’re going to be so curious and dirty for something that your desperation for the audio is killlllllllllling you, then you’ve got larger issues mate. I do hope you can find a way out of this sadness. Best wishes.

7.       And lastly, Grant Thomas. Now mate, Grant, old wobblearse Thommo. Let’s go the the audio:

“I am a big fan of Leigh’s but I think Joey should resign. I wouldn’t sack them, that’s the easy way out. Because one man’s been sacked I would think hang on I was actually culpable in this and if it hadn’t have been for my stupidity poor old Barry wouldn’t have said what he said. It’s at least his responsibility to suspend himself for a period of time to make a statement.”

Facts are important here, and clearly the failed Saints ex-coach has gone large on his former player not knowing or caring for the facts. Thommo has form on Twitter and his podcast, deliberately being controversial to spike an interest from the public he otherwise wouldn’t have. Perhaps he suffered a bad head knock from one of his chins when one day he was far too vigorous when nodding. Who knows.

8.       I’m happy to move on.

9.       State of the game, this one continues to infuriate. Kinda feel like this year’s premiership race is just getting in the way, the sooner the season ends the sooner we can all preach at the church of reform and the summit to work out the gazillion rule changes to save the sport from certain doom can take place. Um. Do we need to send Guide Dogs Australia down to Town Hall? With the return of a nine-game round after the byes period, last week we had, and let’s be balanced here, Thursday night, cracker, Friday night, belter, all four Saturday games meandered between just fine to really engaging tight games, Sunday gave us one lopsided upset but a high scoring spectacle and a two-point thriller. Steve Hocking, yes you man, baby, bathwater, don’t do it mate, step back from the ledge.

10.   Whilst we’re on mistakes, Susan Alberti. Not her, she’s lovely no doubt, even if she does make a right mess of security doing their jobs, especially when they wouldn’t know her from any other AFLW spectator, but she’s been awarded Victorian of the Year. And well done to her for all the work she does. But how has Neale Daniher, in all the years since he started his crusade, miss out on being awarded Victorian of the Year? Mike Brady got it last year. Yes, the ‘Up There Cazaly’ guy. Yet Neale is overlooked. Who’s in charge? Sir James Gobbo I hear is the chair or something of the Victoria Day council. Now Gobbo. Fix it. Neale’s a legend. Don’t go past Go, don’t collect $200, Gobbo, just fix it.

11.   Who else? Gary Ablett and Patrick Dangerfield. Yep, not good enough. I think they’ve been getting tips off Zali Stegall. Downhill skiers the lot of them. Numerous passages of play against the Dogs where they’d get into a strong sprint when they had possession, but, turnover, the Bulldogs player that was chasing them, turns and burns, ends up being part of the scoring chain uncontested whilst the Brownlow medallists are sauntering miles back assuming one of the non-Brownlow medallists will do their dirty work for them. Lazy? Selfish? Dunno, you chose your own adjective. Chose all of them if you like, don’t let me pressure you Nathan Brown style.

12.   Melbourne footy club. Hmm. Let’s not worry about which parcel of Yarra Park land you want to train on, how about just screw your heads on and don’t let St Kilda embarrass you on your home ground. The Saints had no right to escape from a loss to the Gold Coast, yet made you all look like fruits, stewed fruits. I have no idea of the analogy here, other than to say I’m reasonably confident stewed fruits don’t make the finals, and you did it last year Demons, go on, lose the unlosable finals spot again, it would be as the kids say ‘so lit’.

13.   We mentioned the Suns, which players have the Gold Coast improved? Jack Martin was supposed to be a gun, he isn’t, Ainsworth's played 27 games but so what, Touk Miller is at 74 games but wouldn't get a gig for North Ballarat, David Swallow's had injuries, so we'll give him that, Aaron Hall has played 100 games but we'd forgotten about him, then there's Day, Lonergan, Sexton, even Peter Wright doesn’t scare anyone at 44 games. Jarryd Lyons may be the only improved player on their list. Don’t give them concessions, you can give them an all-star team, the issue is that talent dissipates once it lands at Coolangatta airport. The Logies were ok in Melbourne, goes up to the Gold Coast, looks like a Channel 31 production. The Gold Logie winner doesn’t even have a show. Staggering.

14.   Quick change of sports but I’ve got my back up and I’m running downhill with the wind – so Aaron Finch is in form is he? An 84, 68* and 172 in his last three matches, all in twenty 20s. The Aussies more broadly, two big wins from two in the Zimbabwe T20 tri-series. Hang on. No. Who the hell cares about some T20 games in Zimbabwe in July when there's a 50-over World Cup 12 months from now and in the most recent series of that format, in England, five minutes ago, we got sodomised five nil. Don't want to hear about how Finchy or the rest of the team looks great in a hit and giggle in Harare, it’s like if old mate brought a high-pressure hose to Hiroshima in August 1945 saying a quick rinse is all this place needs. Don’t wanna hear about it Finchy, get some runs in a longer format and I’ll reconsider.

15.   Oh, do we want to mention the nation of the Philippines before we get onto some other stuff? How Chris Goulding walks away with only some bruises from a dozen men punching, kicking, stomping, hitting him with chairs, is so fortunate. But, obviously the Philippine basketballers can fight as well as they can play basketball. Right mugs the lot of them. But if you’re stuck in an alleyway between confronting an angry Filipino basketballer or a sleepy field mouse, I’d be running away from the field mouse, their teeth are surprisingly sharp.

16.   Cyril. How’d you get this far down the list champion? So his Dad had heart issues I believe last year (I’ll stand corrected in case I get a call from Liz Ellis), and basically, unlike Dayne Beams who could get a trade to a new club based in the city where his ailing Dad resides, Cyril’s old man lives in Darwin, and if Tassie can’t get a team yet, then Darwin is way behind them. So, for a player who has always said he wouldn’t be a league footballer too long after turning 30 (he is a couple weeks shy of turning 29), ‘Junior Boy’ has called it a day a year or two early to be around his family. He was this close to doing this last offseason, Shaun Burgoyne essentially twisted his arm to go one more year, a knee injury and then officially putting a line through it now brings us to here.

17.   We’ve all seen the record the last couple of days, but four premierships, one of six in that famous dynasty to be a part of all of them (Burgoyne has four, but one was at Port). Three All-Australians, don’t forget the Norm Smith in 2015, but that he was also so influential in turning the game in the ’08 granny as a teenager. For freakish, athletic ability, be it leaping, tackling, borking, sprinting, unparalleled in our time.

18.   Want to give a shout out to the Tiwi Islands. A series of many islands, two larger ones though, Melville and Bathurst Islands, about 1000 people each. Melville Island though, tiny, tiny place, yet it has produced 3 Norm Smith medallists out of the 37 to receive the award: Cyril in 2015, Michael Long in 1993, and Cyril’s uncle Maurice in 1982. Not only from the same island, but the same family to boot.

19.   On that family, Maurice Rioli, South Fremantle and Richmond superstar of the 1980s, uncle to Cyril, great uncle to Daniel, his son, Maurice Jr, he would be the 2020 draft but already playing cracking senior footy for St Mary's in the NT as a teenager. Will be a gun first round father son pick to Richmond or Fremantle and the lineage will continue. His cousin Willie also, looking fairly good for the Eagles too, who is Ronnie Burns cousin on his mother's side as well. What a family!

20.   Lastly, World Cup, I’m as confident that Vladimir Putin had a hand in ‘organising’ the five-nil result for the hosts against Saudi Arabia as I am Liz Ellis having another shocker this Sunday morning on the telly. So all this talk of “its coming home” from those with bad teeth and confused by the concept of the shower, the fact that it’s merely Sweden and then Croatia in the way to a first World Cup final since 1966, don’t underestimate the nerve, or is that nerve agent, of the Russian leader. Golden Boot nominees to this point:

Kane, Mbappe, Putin.

(originally published 5 July)

[kidsviral-blog]

Not so Glee-ful: Musician Jonathan Coulton unloads over ‘Baby Got Back’ rip-off

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/not-so-glee-ful-musician-jonathan-coulton-unloads-over-baby-got-back-rip-off/

Not so Glee-ful: Musician Jonathan Coulton unloads over ‘Baby Got Back’ rip-off

http://twitter.com/#!/jonathancoulton/status/294645496155344897

@jonathancoulton you aren’t coming across as Glee-ful.;(

— Mike Foley (@mikefoley) January 25, 2013

@jonathancoulton So sorry you have to deal with this kind of blatant bullshit. Artists deserve better. I’m glad you seem to have recourse.

— Erik Lars Myers (@topfermented) January 25, 2013

It’s on. Computer programmer-turned-singer/songwriter Jonathan Coulton has been fuming over what appears to be a blatant “Glee” rip-off of his 2005 cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s hit tune, “Baby Got Back.” The show aired the arrangement tonight.

I love that #glee just covered Baby Got Back – slow mo and with banjos!

— Becca Obergefell (@OberBecca) January 25, 2013

#glee oh no they didn’t slow down Baby got back!! Haha! I love it!!!

— Princess Shala (@phoenixmoon3) January 25, 2013

@phoenixmoon3 Jonathan Coulton did it first, they simply ripped off his cover. #glee #babygotback #teamcoulton

— Jessica Garcia (@00jess_marie00) January 25, 2013

#glee Baby Got Back – They stole it. Melody and arrangement actually by @jonathancoulton whom they have neither credited nor compensated.

— Scott Smith (@saspcguy) January 25, 2013

Last week, after first getting wind of the cover, Coulton tweeted:

Hey look, @gleeonfox ripped off my cover of Baby Got Back: bit.ly/WME9Ho. Never even contacted me. Classy.

— Jonathan Coulton (@jonathancoulton) January 18, 2013

After listening, I think that @gleeonfox may have even used parts of my recording. Do I hear a duck quack? And of course they say “Johnny C”

— Jonathan Coulton (@jonathancoulton) January 18, 2013

Fans backed him up:

@jonathancoulton @gleeonfox Wow that IS a straight up rip off. Get a lawyer on that asap.

— thesubstream (@thesubstream) January 18, 2013

@jonathancoulton It was at the ‘Johnny C’ that my jaw just dropped.

— Whit Andry (@whitneyarner) January 18, 2013

That’s a reference to a tell-tale lyric in Coulton’s version. Wired reports:

“I assume [Glee] heard [my cover] and wanted to put it in their show. Which is flattering, but also an email would have been nice — just a hi, howya doin’ kind of thing,” Coulton told Wired by e-mail.

Coulton notes that the YouTube video was not an official Fox release of the song, but the track is currently for sale on the Swedish version of iTunes, as reported by Kotaku, where it appears to be offered from the official “Glee Cast” account. The song is reportedly slated for the Jan. 24 episode “Sadie Hawkins.” Wired reached out to a Fox representative, who said that they had no comment on the matter.

Coulton immediately posted the video on Twitter side-by-side with a link to his version of the 1992 hit single, and the resemblance was beyond uncanny, even simulating quirks like Coulton’s name drop of “Johnny C.” It was so close, in fact, that Coulton speculated that the same audio might have been used, and recruited his followers to help him analyze the track.

Here’s a side-by-side comparison:

Music fans confronted Alex Anders, music producer for the popular TV show, on Twitter after Coulton’s complaints:

@alxanders hey here’s an awkward question have you ever heard of jonathan coulton

— ellie (@blainefabray) January 18, 2013

@mrrpmurphy @alxanders @adamanders Will you address using Coulton’s version of Baby Got Back without telling him. All over media.

— gleekTO (@gleekTO) January 18, 2013

Hey @alxanders, any insight/remarks into what @jonathancoulton is talking about re: Glee stuff?

— Phil Vox (@PhilVox) January 18, 2013

Anders responded (and later deleted this tweet that was retweeted by many users):

“@alxanders: Some people can’t see opportunity when it smacks them in the face.” The sheer entitlement from this statement is sickening tbh.

— Quanita(@Flirttana) January 18, 2013

Or they purposely avoid it so they don’t get sued. RT @alxanders: Some people can’t see opportunity when it smacks them in the face.

— Kamari Diabla (pls)(@KammySanM) January 18, 2013

Coulton responded as well:

@alxanders Actually, I’m pretty sure I felt the smack…

— Jonathan Coulton (@jonathancoulton) January 18, 2013

And more music fans/Glee viewers weighed in:

@jonathancoulton @alxanders Baby Got Smack.

— Jeffrey Bryson (@jwalkerbryson) January 19, 2013

Hey @alxanders stop being a jerkface and apologize to @jonathancoulton also give him some of that mad Gleemoney

— Hexagonest Badass (@Badassperger) January 20, 2013

After Anders deleted his “opportunity” tweet, he posted this:

My comment yesterday about opportunity had absolutely nothing to do with what many of you assumed.

— Alex Anders (@alxanders) January 20, 2013

Yep:

Then why did you delete it? RT @alxanders My comment yesterday about opportunity had absolutely nothing to do with what many of you assumed.

— Diabla (@Diabla_Cruz) January 22, 2013

Coulton responded:

@alxanders OK then: sorry. Internet is hard.

— Jonathan Coulton (@jonathancoulton) January 20, 2013

The #TeamCoulton movement is building as the public (and possibly legal) showdown heats up:

I’m with @jonathancoulton.

— mark mcconville (@markmcconville) January 25, 2013

@gleeonfox I’m a big fan of yours, but also @jonathancoulton. So disappointed in you.

— brigideire (@brigideire) January 25, 2013

Read that @jonathancoulton is furious over Glee. Good! I have a feeling Fox maybe getting some legal action here!

— Larry Treece III (@Lareson3) January 25, 2013

And really, @foxtv ? How did you not know that @gleeonfox had ripped off that arrangement including his own NAME?! #JohnnyC #TeamCoulton

— Menolly (@Menolly07) January 25, 2013

Spread love and awareness, #teamcoulton. Remember that disrespect will only hurt @jonathancoulton – show the world how classy his fans are.

— Jen (@antijenic) January 25, 2013

Maybe the Glee fans who don’t know @jonathancoulton will ask #WhoisJohnnyC? #TeamCoulton

— Rora Borealis (@rora_borealis) January 25, 2013

We’ll update with any further response from Anders or details from Coulton.

Until then, tuck away this takeaway lesson: Coulton has earned at least $500,000 from music download revenue, merchandise, and performances. Intellectual property rights do matter, even among left-leaning creative types and Internet geeks. Every creator deserves the fruits of his labor and deserves recourse when those fruits are shamelessly stolen without credit/attribution/linkage — from the Fox network or anyone else.

https://twitter.com/TheBloggess/status/294661659035848704

That >> Artistic theft w/o credit hurts everyone.Don’t piss on your geeky fans, Glee.You need us more than we need you. #teamcoulton

— Leo Nerd (@leo_nerd5) January 25, 2013

You did it #GLEE. Ya ripped off an original arrangement from @jonathancoulton & put it on TV without even trying to act like ya didn’t. Wow!

— Caissie St.Onge (@Caissie) January 25, 2013

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/01/25/not-so-glee-ful-musician-jonathan-coulton-ready-to-unload-over-cover-rip-off/

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Title: The Sweetheart Sham (Southern Charmed #1) Author: Danielle Ellison Genre: YA, Contemporary, Romance Published date: Published by: Entangled Teen: Crush Rating: 3.5 / 5 stars Summary:

In a small town like Culler, South Carolina, you guard your secrets like you guard your cobbler recipe: with your life. Georgia Ann Monroe knows a thing or two about secrets: she’s been guarding the truth that her best friend Will is gay for years now. But what happens when a little white lie to protect him gets her into a fake relationship…and then the boy of her dreams shows up?

Enter Beau Montgomery: Georgie’s first love, hotter than ever, and much too much of a southern gentleman to ever pursue someone else’s girl. There’s no way to come clean to Beau while still protecting Will. But bless their hearts, they live in Culler—where secrets always have a way of revealing themselves. Disclaimer: This Entangled Teen Crush book contains a hilarious “fakeship,” a scorching-hot impossible relationship, and a heartwarming best-friendship that will make you want to call your best friend right here, right now.

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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC copy of this book, and the opportunity to review it.

This is the book you’d want to read on a rainy day (or any time you fancy). It’ll make you feel warm and fuzzy, make you laugh and scream in frustration, and make you wish it’s summer. This is the book you’d want for a fast read.

I love this book because:

a) It’s something I love to watch if it was a movie

b) LGBT characters

c) Female/Male friendship that doesn’t turn into romance (the fakeship doesn’t count)

d) Healthy family relationships (mostly)

e) Misunderstandings

f) Small town where everyone knows everyone

g) Summer.  Childhood sweetheart. Wedding.

The characters, I think, were great. They were entertaining, and I really like Will. The narration was okay too. It’s not “wow, amazing!” but it’s not horrible either. The only problem I have with it is some of Beau’s part. There were some bits that made me bored a little.

Overall, I quite enjoy this book. It’s a book that I would definitely pick up again for a quick read, or if I didn’t want anything with “too heavy” topics to read.

I rate this book 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Excerpt:

“Beau Montgomery, what on earth!” someone, I think it’s Will’s mom, says with a squeal. I can’t single it out because my heart seems to stop beating.

Everyone scoots toward the patio entrance and gathers around. Will drops my hand to move closer.

And then I see him.

He’s standing behind Mrs. M next to his dad, a big smile on his face, and he’s tall. Real tall. His dark hair is longer and nearly falling into his hazel eyes, definitely a length that Orry won’t like much. His jaw is strong, some muscles pressing under his polo. He looks nothing like the boy I remember.

And suddenly I’m a little self-conscious. What am I wearing today? I can’t even remember. I could look down but that would mean looking away from him, and then maybe when I look back he won’t be there. I don’t know if he even sees me, but I see him. Clearly. After more than twoyears of nothing.

“Beau, is that you, boy?” Orry calls. Beau steps around the rest of the family toward his grandpa. He’s closer now, and I can get a better look at his face. My eyes explore his features and rest on his lips, which break out into a small smile and—Dang, is it hot out here?

“Hello, Granddad.” Orry pulls him into a hug and Beau has to lean over to reach him properly. Orry looks like a kid in his arms.

Cheese and rice, even his voice is sexy. Deeper but still with a familiar feeling that it stirs up in me, and an accent with a hint of Georgia twang instead of South Carolina cadence.

I like it. Lord help me, I like it.

Orry holds him out at arm’s length and examines him before giving him a pat on the shoulder. “You look more like your daddy than I expected. How tall are you?”

“Six one, sir,” Beau says

“You look good, grandson, real good. Atlanta treating you well?”

“Yes, sir, it is.”

I want to move, but I can’t. My feet are stuck to the ground, not that I should move anyway. I don’t reckon I trust myself around him. Especially not right now when I’m not sure if I want to hug him or kick him somewhere that would hurt. I’d do a good job of it too and make darn sure my kick was as painful as him not showing up that night.

“When’s your momma coming?” Mrs. M asks him.

“Not until closer to the wedding,” he says.

I watch as Will hugs him. They’re both smiling, and it reminds me of before when he was here. They were inseparable—we were—and now I’m just standing here like an idiot. Which I am. Will looks in my direction, and then Beau’s eyes are on me, too. It’s even worse when he’s looking at me, especially now with a hidden glimmer in them. It’s not how he said hello to the others; it’s almost like his eyes hadn’t seen me before, and now he’s hyper aware. Just like I’ve been since his dad yelled his name.

He takes a step toward me.

Blurb:

About the Author:

Danielle Ellison is a nomad, always on the lookout for an adventure and the next story. In addition to writing, she’s the founder and coordinator of the NoVa TEEN Book Festival. When she’s not busy with books, she’s probably watching her favorite shows, drinking coffee, or fighting her nomadic urges. She is newly settled in Oklahoma (for now) with her cat, Simon, but you can always find her on twitter @DanielleEWrites.

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Giveaway:

Details:

Giveaway Details:

The Sweetheart Sham Prize Pack (US):

-Pampering goodies (sweet southern soap and bath bombs) -a “peanut butter <3s jelly” mug -ice cream erasers -heart shaped sunglasses -a copy of “Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit” by Jaye Robin Brown

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  Title: The Sweetheart Sham (Southern Charmed #1) Author: Danielle Ellison Genre: YA, Contemporary, Romance Published date: