#he’s just like me (fighting a wedgie)

[kensatou]

being soooo terribly normal about the high socks (© mitsuyama takahiro, suga satoshi, ohyama takahiro)

[littlechivalry]

Robin had gotten a lot of things from becoming platonic soulmates with Steve Harrington. Rides to school, hair care tips, unrelenting trauma, slightly bitchy dating advice that to her eternal chagrin actually worked, and entree into a weird little family that she couldn't imagine living without.

But also... Robin had to listen to sex talk.

It wasn't bad at first, she had actually gleaned a lot of advice from his stories that stood her in good stead with a few select girls. But then on the Family Video bathroom floor Steve had asked if Robin would be okay with him talking about sex with guys.

She said yes one time and now it was her life.

Steve had spent most of their shift moving tapes around the store, shuffling them into different genres based on what he thought they might be about. It was his standard 'I have something to talk about but I don't know if I can say it' behavior.

"Look," she said flatly. "I'm stopping this now. You have five minutes to sum up the problem and then I don't want to hear it anymore."

Steve put the last tape, a copy of St Elmo's Fire, into the Action-Disaster section before coming back to the counter, sharing his head. "I appreciate the thought Robbie but I don't think you're ready for this."

Robin gasped, ready to take full and dramatic umbrage when a Tasmanian Devil made of leather jacket and cheap sterling silver jewelry banged into the store.

"Babe, did you ask her," Eddie asked, grinning madly.

"Not yet," Steve whined and before Robin could gather her thought she felt two sets of eyes settle on her, one steady and concerned and the other sparkling with glee.

Robin stepped back from the counter and held her hands out in front of her. "I don't know what's going on here but no, I will not carry a baby for you two. Get Steve knocked up the old fashioned way if you want kids."

Steve brightened for a moment before pouting, "You wouldn't want to bring a little Buckley-Harrington-Munson into the world? Wow, Robs."

Eddie lunged forward, pushing past Steve to plant his hands on the counter. "We'll come back to that Buckley, but we have a different issue. We need you to be a completely impartial party."

"We really don't," Steve said. "This is not a big deal."

"I disagree," Eddie said. "I happen to think this is a very big deal."

"Well, and--," Steve said. "Isn't 'big' the problem?"

"It's not a problem for me," Eddie said, leering at Steve.

Robin stepped forward and waved her hands between the two guys, interrupting their creepy eye contact. "Okay, fine, tell me what's going on but make it snappy."

Steve hummed but didn't say anything. Eddie grinned and looked from Robin to his boyfriend and back again. He opened his mouth but before he could say anything Steve's hand was pressed half over his face.

"Eddie wants me to try sitting on his face but I'm afraid I'll, like, suffocate him to death." Steve grimaced and pulled his hand away from Eddie before rubbing it roughly on his jeans. "Gross, Eds."

Robin shook her head while they started squabbling. Steve was her best friend and Eddie was a close second. Part of being a best friend was apparently arbitrating their weird sex arguments.

The squabbling had evolved into a slap fight so Robin took the opportunity to examine them. They were the same height but Steve probably had a few pounds on Eddie. Then again Robin knew Eddie was stronger than he looked. Given the way Eddie hadn't stooped smiling since he walked in he definitely didn't seem intimidated by the idea.

Okay.

"Okay," Robin said sharply. "Knock it off. I decided."

The two boys stopped, Steve's arm locked around Eddie's neck while it looked like Eddie was trying to either give Steve a wedgie or just straight up shove his arm down Steve's acid-washed jeans.

It took a few moments for them to separate and put themselves back to rights before they were finally standing in front of her waiting for a verdict.

Robin looked from Steve to Eddie, then back again. She nodded towards Eddie before winking at her best friend. "If he dies, he dies."

"Thank you, Buckley," Eddie crowed, before turning on his heel and heading for the door.

"Where are you going," Steve called out.

Eddie turned back. "I gotta do some stretches, baby," Eddie said, rolling his neck. "I have plans." Eddie blew Steve a kiss before rubbing his hands together and walking out the door.

Robin looked at Steve, his hand still clenched in front of him where he had 'caught' the kiss, a bright red flush on his cheeks.

"I'm gonna marry that man," Steve murmured.

[beenbaanbuun]

the pool w/ choi jongho

words - 3k

genre - suggestive

warnings - fem!bodied reader, bikini, internalised slut shaming (kind of but not really?), public undressing (again, kind of but not really), size kink, awkward!jongho, bff!wooyoung, lifeguard!san, massage, nipple piercings, i thing that’s it

Wooyoung holds a smug look on his face as he drops onto the sunbed next to you. You have to admit that he looks pretty good with the sun bouncing from his wet skin, but you'd never tell him that. You'd say your friendship resembled something more akin to siblings than anything else, and why would you ever have anything nice to say about your brother?

“What’s the shit-eating grin for?” you say as you toss him the sunscreen and lean forwards; an open invitation for him to massage some into your spine. The quiet scoff he passes in your direction doesn’t go unnoticed, but you can’t comment on it before you hear the click of the cap opening and an ice cold drip of sunscreen hits your back. You wince as your friend massages it in with delicate hands, your body not quite getting used to the temperature quick enough for it not to be uncomfortable as he spreads it all over. Wooyoung only laughs, taking great pleasure in the quiet hums of dissatisfaction you make.

But it only takes about 10 seconds from his hands to pull away from your back and the click of the sunscreen bottle closing to hit your ears. You spare him a glare over your shoulder, watching as he rubs the excess from his hands onto his chest knowing full well that he can't possibly have rubbed it on correctly.

“I don't have a shit eating grin,” he lies through his teeth as he takes great care rubbing the cream into his chest—a lot more than he took with your back. You almost want to push him back in the pool to wash it all off again, but that would be petty, even for you. Instead you simply roll your eyes in dismay and shift to a more comfortable position. Your book lies on the table next to you so you grab it, open it and crack the spine. You don’t start reading quite yet, though; you can’t concentrate when wooyoung looks like he’s planning something devious.

“Yes, you do,” you argue. “Tell me what you’re doing!”

“I'm not doing anything!” he fights back, tone defensive and not at all matching the gleeful smile on his face.

“Well, then tell me what you know!”

His eyes flicker to the pool for just a moment before returning to you. Maybe he thinks you didn’t see it, but you did, and so your gaze follows his only to land on him. The same man from the pool yesterday, and the restaurant last night, and breakfast this morning. The very same man you’ve been obsessing over the last few days. You squeak in something akin to terror and immediately look back to a smirking Wooyoung. Your eyes stay firmly locked on his for one, maybe two seconds before some strange magnetic force pulls your eyes back to him.

He leans against the edge of the pool with one arm up on the side, allowing you to see the soft flesh of his arms. The skin is tan and smooth and good god if you don’t get a chance to dig your nails into it by the end of the holiday then you’ll have worn nothing but your skimpiest of bikinis for nothing. The uncomfortable wedgies and uneven tan lines will have been a waste, nothing more than a study in the art of hassle and discomfort, and that really would put a damper on what has been an otherwise enjoyable holiday.

You crane your neck further to get a glance at his face. Those plush lips that look so incredibly soft, the sparkling eyes that turn a deep honey colour when the sun shines down on them. There's something beautiful about him in the same way a bear is beautiful; intimidating and graceful yet somehow sweet at the same time. Perhaps the strange duality is just one of the reasons you can’t seem to take your mind off of him. His hair is pushed back in a way that has you drooling, and not just at the mouth. You can’t help but let your eyes linger for just a second or two before they move a little further south landing upon that mole on his neck; the one you so desperately want to press your lips to…

You’re ripped from your trance when Wooyoung snaps his fingers impatiently in front of your face. With an unsurprising degree of reluctance, you tear your gaze away from him and return it to your best friend who’s smug smile seems to have grown. You’d wipe it from his face if you could, but he’s too far away and it’s far too hot to exert the energy needed to move. You scowl at him instead, tossing up a middle finger in displeasure.

“Stop being weird, Woo, nothing is going to happen,” you say through gritted teeth because god, you desperately hope that statement isn’t true.

“You want it to, though,” he seemingly reads your mind. “You should do something about it!”

“What, like you’re doing with that lifeguard?” You point to the shirtless man across the pool who has absolutely zoned out when he should really be watching the water instead. You can only hope no one has an emergency whilst he’s busy gawping at your friend who has been endlessly peacocking–not that you can say anything–since the day you arrived at this hotel. Wooyoung sends a wink in his direction before turning his attention back to you, just in time to see you fake gag.

“See; I am doing something about the lifeguard,” he grins at you.

“A wink and a smile isn’t going to get you laid.”

“Well it’s more than you’re doing with your man,” he counters, “creepily staring at him isn’t going to get you laid either.”

With a groan you toss your face down into the soft cushion of the sun bed. Wooyoung is right as much as it pains you to admit that to yourself. You want the pool guy so bad and yet all you’ve even attempted to do to seduce him is wear tiny little bikinis that haven’t seemed to catch his attention even once. At least wooyoung has some form of communication with the man he wants to fuck, even if it is just mentally undressing each other from opposite ends of the pool. Knowing your luck, by the end of the holiday wooyoung will have bagged himself the hot lifeguard and you’ll be alone… again.

Wooyoung sighs at your dramatic performance before grabbing your coin purse from the bag. “I'm going to get you some liquid courage,” he says as he stands up, “don’t ever tell me I don’t ever do anything nice for you.”

“But that’s my purs—” he puts a finger to your lip to shush you.

“Thank you is all you have to say.”

And then he’s gone, swinging his hips with each step he takes. If you were to look over to the lifeguard you’re almost sure you’d be able to see him licking his lips with desire. Almost like you when you immediately turn your head to sneak another look at him.

Only he’s not where he was when your eyes last left him. In fact, when you give the pool a scan, he doesn’t seem to be anywhere at all. Did he leave? You question yourself as you less-than-subtly scan the pool over and over again. It would probably be the best thing for your own sake if he did and yet your heart still aches at the prospect. It's not like you were going to speak to him–you absolutely, unequivocally weren’t–too shy and anxious to put yourself up for that rejection, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t want to pine for a little while longer.

Feeling nothing but dejected ,your eyes shift across to where Wooyoung stands at the bar, top half leaning over the counter slightly, pert ass pointed in the direction of his beau. You’d call him a slut if you hadn’t been doing the exact same for the last week; putting your body on display as some sort of mating ritual in the hopes of a man fucking you halfway to oblivion. At least one of you seems to be having some success in his tiny little swim shorts that definitely show more off than they need to. It’s a good job he has a nice ass, you think to yourself just as a shadow passes over you, blocking the warmth of the sun beating down on your back. It’s just someone walking past a little too close, you tell yourself as you keep your vision on your friend, it’ll be gone in a moment or two.

Except a moment passes, and then another, and the shadow doesn’t move. You’re about to turn your head in the direction of the obstruction to see what’s so important for you to get a them-shaped tan line on your back, when you hear a voice. “Your boyfriend didn’t rub your sunscreen in too well, did he?” It’s pretty, musical and sweet just like a little songbird. Somehow that’s all you need to know exactly who it belongs to. Call it intuition or something but you know it’s him blocking the sun right now.

Your heart beats out of control for just a second before you manage to rein it in. “He’s not my boyfriend,” you respond, turning your head to gaze upon his damp body in all its glory…

Perhaps you’re no better than a man since the first things your eyes focus on are his tits. They’re soft and beautifully tan with little moles dotted here and there to match the one on his neck. You dart your eyes between them like you’re playing your own little game of join the dots. It takes you on a tour of his chest, pupils darting from one pec to the other until your eyes land on something you never expected to see.

Two metal bars…

On either side of his chest…

Right through his nipples…

Holy fuck…

Your jaw goes slack, and so, it seems, does your hand. Thankfully the sound on your book thumping against the less than dry ground is enough to break you free from the stupor his nipple piercings had put you in. Your vision shifts in an instant, settling instead on the pages of your book that more and more water seeps into with each passing second. “Shit,” you mutter, bending down and wrapping your fingertips around the now sodden paper.

“You got it?” he asks, clearly not too put off by your strange behaviour. You hum affirmatively as you lift the book and place it on the table beside your sunbed. He makes a similar sound, although his sounds more thoughtful; more like he’s trying to come up with something to say. It takes a while but eventually he seems to finally land on something, pulling in a deep breath before opening his mouth. “I could've grabbed it for you if you wanted,” he’s kind too? Well that’s horrible news for your crippling obsession with the stranger, “if you’d, you know… asked me to or something.”

You can’t help but let out a laugh at how unsure he sounds. It’s as if his words aren’t his own, dropping from his lips before he’s even had time to realise what he’s saying. There’s a grin on your face as you twist your head back around to see him, only this time your eyes focus on his face. He’s even sweeter looking up close, his wide eyes and round cheeks making him look something more akin to a little cub than an intimidating killer. Perhaps his face would kid you into thinking he’s innocent if it weren’t for the bars glinting at you just a foot further south.

“I shouldn't have to ask,” you grin, trying your hardest to sound seductive. To your own ears it sounds more like a petulant child; you can only hope that he doesn’t hear it too. “Not if you’re a gentleman, anyway.

“But what about consent?” he says as a pretty shade of peach covers his cheeks. You want to bite them, as if they’d give you the same sweet juice as the fruit they so clearly resemble. You wonder if his lips taste that sweet; you bet they do. “I didn't want to overstep.”

Your grin splits your face in two as he shuffles awkwardly from foot to foot. Upon first glance, you were half expecting him to be some suave, smooth talker. He'd say a few flirty pick up lines before taking you to his room for a one-and-done. This, though—this is much more dangerous. This is feelings territory.

“You’re not overstepping by picking my book up,” you say, “that’s simply courteous—gentlemanly, like i said!”

“Courteous,” he repeats slowly as if it’s a new word to him. there’s a ponderous look on his face that quickly morphs into a shy smirk. It seems to transform into something much more confident in the matter of a few seconds. It's almost cocky, and yet there remains to be that sweet, unsure look in his eyes. It's adorable, really. “Well,” he pauses to take stock of his next few words, “would it be courteous to offer to finish rubbing in the sunscreen your boyfriend missed?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you repeat.

“Well–”

“Just rub it in, will you?” you cut him off with an exasperated sigh. As much fun as you’re having playing this little game of cat and mouse, the need to have his hands on your back far outweighs any amusement you’re getting from his pitiful attempt at flirting. He listens, placing one hand on your calf to support himself as he perches himself on the edge of your sunbed. It inches its way up to your inner thigh, stopping just before it gets dangerously close to your core. His thumb barely brushes against the exposed crease where your ass meets your thigh as he softly grazes his fingertips over the back of your leg. They shift to the side, gracefully slipping over the thin string of your bikini bottoms that rests upon your hip. They catch against it, tugging ever so slightly on the bow that holds the flimsy garment together.

It's a promise, that much is crystal clear.

His palm is warm when it first comes into contact with your lower back, yet it still manages to send a shiver up your spine. It’s big too, covering just enough area for you to realise how small you are compared to him. You could see it in his broad shoulders and his thick arms, but feeling it is just… different. He’s barely even touched you yet there’s already a moan on the tip of your tongue. God only knows what’ll happen when his hands get a little more adventurous.

“Can I undo your top?” he approaches the question with about as much grace as a baby giraffe, clumsy yet endearing with the way he blurts it out. It’s impossible to hold in your giggle, your heart swelling with just how awkwardly adorable he is. But then his fingers tug dangerously upon the little bow at your spine and your breath suddenly hitches in your throat. You feel it loosen, but not quite enough for it to fall completely open. It’s not quite clear if he’s just clumsy or if he knows exactly what he’s doing, but either way the simple action has you shifting your slick thighs against each other. “Well?” he softly purrs, and by the tone of his voice you have to assume he's so blissfully unaware of everything he’s doing to you.

“If you think it’ll help,” your voice sounds strained but he doesn’t mention it. He doesn’t tease you about how much he’s affecting you, or do something unprovoked to force you deeper into this pit of unadulterated arousal you’ve found yourself in. Instead he just tugs open your bikini, just like he said he would, and then his hands are on you again.

The first moan you let out as he grazes his hands up and down the plane if your back can be passed off as one of enjoyment. The massage you’re receiving from the big strong hands of an unbearably handsome man is just good and the sound you let out is simply one of appreciation. No one can blame you for wanting to show how much you’re enjoying it, right? The second moan, however, is almost impossible to pass off as anything other than a plea for more. As his fingers dip down your sides, hands cupping your waist and making you feel so small and malleable beneath him, you can’t help but groan as you sink your teeth into your bottom lip.

His fingers pause, hands tensing a little as the grip they have upon your waist intensifies. Although you haven’t exactly tried to hide it, you know that this is the exact moment that just how badly you need him really sinks into his adorably awkward brain. You’re not entirely sure what else he was hoping to get out of giving you the world's horniest massage, but it’s clear that he wasn’t expecting to get this far. Maybe he’s just a pervert who just wanted an opportunity to feel you up before going to furiously masterbate in the comfort of his room, or maybe he really did just want to come and talk. It doesn’t really matter either way, now; you still need his cock buried deep inside of your walls.

He leans in, grip intensifying as his torso comes to rest against your spine. The metal bars that you nearly almost forgot about feel like ice against your spine as he pushed you down into the bed with his body. Small; you feel so incredibly small, like it would take him no effort at all to pick you up and put you anywhere he deems he wants you. You hope he wants you sitting on his dick, if that really is the case.

“Do you want to come back to my room?” he whispers in your ear like a child passing a message in the middle of class. Nothing about his voice reads sexy, and yet you know if you were standing it would have your knees buckling. you nod silently, not trusting your voice to come out in a way that doesn’t make you seem pathetically desperate. He hums in appreciation. “good,” his lips connect with the side of your head, “the names Jongho, by the way. just in case you need something to moan.”

[biblio-smia]

shy shy shy

a little insecure tasm peter parker x reader, early stages of relationship

masterlist | requests are open!

buy me a ko-fi!

nerdy peter lovers rise

They were just glasses.

On, off. On, off. A clear reflection of Peter in the bathroom mirror, a few circles of color where his head and body would be.

Peter examines himself with the lenses on, pulls out a piece of his sweater that had gotten caught inside his plaid pajama pants. His hands run up through the damp hair that falls flat against his forehead in an attempt to give it a little volume but it's no use without his usual styling products. Peter slaps his palms on his cheeks, shakes his head and sends micro-drops of water sailing. He bounces in place, attempting to shake out the jitters his body has had trouble containing all day.

Peter pushes his contact lens case aside, gives himself one last glance over. He contemplates for a few seconds, biting the inside of his cheek. Peter sighs as he pulls the lenses off again, cradling them in his hands and blowing air through his lips.

Metal frames, thick lenses.

Couldn't have that spider fixed his vision while he was at it?

Okay, Peter's vision wasn't that bad. Maybe he could survive without the frames Peter felt altered his appearance so drastically (or at least, reflected more accurately the type of person Peter was in his spare time). Peter with Contacts was cool and confident - scaled back from the confidence he had while he was in his suit, but not as pathetic as he was back in high school. Peter with Glasses? Yeah, that guy looked deserving of wedgies.

He reaches for his phone to check the time (and make sure he hasn't left you alone for too long), but can't make out what the white numbers say through his cracked screen.

Okay, maybe it is pretty bad.

Peter sighs, picks up the mess he'd made pre and post shower, hyping himself up one more time before opening the door and flipping the light switch off.

Peter pads down the hallway and peers his head around the corner into the small living room. He squints and can just barely make out the top of your head sitting on his couch.

Even though he can't see you very well, Peter's heart makes a funny feeling in his chest, even through the eye strain.

It's like you can feel Peter's eyes on you (which, you probably can - Peter is working overtime to try and make out the details of you) because you sit a little straighter and turn your head. Peter pushes his glasses on just in time to see you smile. And then grin.

"You wear glasses?"

Your voice is curious, not at all condescending, though Peter can hear the smile in your voice as you come up to meet him.

"For the aesthetics," Peter grins, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms in an attempt to make you believe the false sense of confidence he's putting up. It's stupid, really, but a tiny piece of Peter thinks someone as consistently perfect as you should be with someone who is equally on par. And, at the moment, Peter feels like he's letting you down.

You stand close to Peter, too close (his heart can't stop fluttering and his breath has caught in his throat). Peter fights the urge to pull you close to him. Too much, too soon, though he'd really like to kiss you right about now.

You try to contain your smile, a part of you still not quite believing that you've been so consistently guilty of making Peter Parker flustered.

Your fingers gently pull Peter's glasses off with a glint in your eye and Peter frowns at the sudden loss of sight - only because he doesn't want to miss looking at you from so close.

"For the aesthetics, huh?" You grin, turning the glasses to measure the thickness of Peter's lenses. Your suspicions about the strength of his prescription are confirmed by the way Peter's eyes are squeezed together as he looks at you.

"A hundred percent," Peter persists, opening his eyes normally and looking straight at the blurred lines of your face.

You take a step back and flash your phone at Peter, tiny words melted into a block of black. Peter instinctively squints and leans forward, trying to distinguish what the small screen said.

"You're like a grandma," you laugh, fully now.

"You should feel horrible for making fun of the elderly." Peter's arms drop, reaching for his glasses with an easy smile. But you move your hands away and Peter's hands catch on the crooks of your arms as you carefully place Peter's glasses back on his face, taking care to place them behind his ears as comfortably as you can. Your fingers graze against Peter's hair, still damp from his shower, gently moving a few stray pieces back into place.

"Well, you can't go to sleep like that," you murmur. "You'll get sick."

"So I guess we have time to kill?" Peter asks, hoping the two of you will sit down for a movie - or anything that'd keep him close to you, really.

"I guess we do," you grin, hands falling to Peter's shoulders, savoring the feeling of his hands on you, unable to help the craving you have for more.

"Pete?"

"Hmm?" Peter is partially entranced, melted like chocolate with the sweet sound of that little nickname coming out of your mouth. His eyes flicker and he's trying not to stare at your lips, bottom lip caught in his mouth in anticipation.

"Could I put my stuff in your room?" You ask sweetly, trying not to laugh at the way Peter falters, blinking quickly.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Peter nods frantically, hoping he's not as red as he feels.

You bite back your grin as Peter stays there, not moving until you do, sweet brown eyes slightly magnified by his glasses. Oh, but it'd be so cruel to deny him.

You press a quick kiss to the corner of Peter's mouth. It's a little shy and you turn away immediately to grab the overnight bag you'd packed. Two pairs of cheeks are red and grateful for the excuse of it, trying to shake off the little bit of nervousness the two of you still have around each other. It's a little strange, neither of you quite used to having someone around to love so freely. It's new, too, both of you still a little afraid to do something that would scare the other off, each of you knowing you'd never be the one to run off.

But this tiny fear that lives in both of your brains is what had Peter picking over his appearance earlier and is what makes him nervous now as he leads you down the hall to his room. He'd cleaned it thoroughly, considering hiding all his trinkets and trophies, ended up shoving things that had littered his shelves into his closet.

Peter takes a breath before opening his creaky door, smiling as he welcomes you in, hoping you somehow wouldn't notice - or maybe, wouldn't care to ask about - any of the posters or books or medals or figurines that made Peter, Peter. He was partially embarrassed and entirely nervous about sharing more of himself with you. After all, Peter was an expert at shutting people out and not too great at letting them in.

He doesn't know if he's relieved or even more anxious as you stare in awe, bag abandoned near his bed. It's clear you're taking in every detail of Peter's room, eyes not missing a single decoration. Peter feels as if he's being dissected, fidgeting as he waits for you to finish your analyzing. He's about to suggest that movie when you walk over to the desk he has shoved against the wall. Peter doesn't think there's anything special about books and pencils, but you're touching the tops of the things on his desk with care and a fascination he doesn't quite understand.

You quietly move onto old trophies and medals Peter has displayed, only the ones he was proudest of.

"Princeton Math Competition? Wow, Pete." You only turn your attention to him momentarily, returning your eyes to the shelf with a grin.

Peter's heart flutters when you sound... impressed? It was an accomplishment he was proud of, but not something he went around telling strangers.

"Oh, that... that- that's old," Peter laughs, coming up behind you, sure now there'd be no chance of getting you to watch that movie.

"Tell me about it."

"W...what?" Peter laughs, glancing at you curiously.

"I wanna hear about it," you say genuinely, taking a seat on the edge of Peter's bed. "Tell me about it."

Peter doesn't have to tell you he's shocked for you to realize it, a small smile tugging at your lips as you look up at him. Peter's not sure he has the courage to ask why before you beat him, sensing his hesitancy.

"I wanna know everything about you Peter. I wanna hear about your math competitions. I want you to tell me what books you're reading. I wanna know what matters most to you," you shrug, face a little warm from the confession. You don't have too much time to be embarrassed before Peter is next to you, hands digging into the bed at your sides. His face is inches away, his breath warm on your lips.

"Please let me kiss you," Peter whispers.

"Please do," you whisper back, letting Peter take your face in his hands and pull you into a kiss. The surface you've chosen is a little unstable as the both of you shift around, neither of you quite able to let the other go until you're forced to, breathless and grinning.

Peter's glasses have fogged up and he groans, pulling them off exasperatedly. "God, I hate these things."

"Really? But you look so good in them," you comment innocently, picking up the frames and attempting to look through them, muttering something about how, wow, Peter is blind.

Peter's not paying attention, though, heart hammering in his chest. He takes you by surprises when he kisses you this time, glasses still in your hands as they rest against his chest.

"You're trouble," Peter says when he finally pulls away. "You're doing awful things to my heart."

"Should I make fun of you, then?" You tease.

"Oh, I think that'd make it worse."

"I didn't know you were into that."

Peter shoves you as you laugh, though he can't help but join you.

"I didn't know you were into nerds," Peter quips, letting you slide his glasses back onto his face - the ones that suddenly don't seem that bad anymore.

"Only the really pretty ones," you murmur, and really, how could Peter not kiss you for that one?

Peter tries to take his glasses off as your kissing grows heated, knowing they'll be useless when they eventually fog up anyway. But your hand stops Peter, lips puffy from plenty of kisses and still eager for more.

"Nuh-uh," you say, pulling Peter's hand back down. "Keep them on."

[allurilove]

lmaooo recent henry and yan! husband cracked me up 😭😭😭 i need more of them fighting over reader /her attention PLSSSS PLSSS PLSSS

“This is my seat.”

“This has never been your seat, kid.” Your yandere husband mumbled and he already put the headphones over his ears.

Your husband wasn’t going to move from his spot. He wanted to sit next to you for the entirety of the flight, and he’ll be dammed if he had to sit with strangers. It’s a packed plane, and sadly the family couldn’t sit together.

He made sure you got the window seat per your request, and he was sat right next to you. All while Henry was forced to sit a couple rows behind you two, and he was pouting.

“It would be safer for Henry to sit next to me.” You chime in and you tried to usher your husband out of his spot. He scoffed.

“You afraid that he’ll get kidnapped or something? We’re on a plane. There’s nowhere to go.” Yandere husband makes a show of how much he wouldn’t get up, and he even starts to rip the plastic bag and pulled out the blanket.

—

Henry loves the water. He splashed around, jumping up and down, and he purposefully got his father wet. “Henry stop that.” Your husband frowned and he ran his fingers through his hair. The water droplets went down his chest, and it went down the lines of his abs. Despite how much he doesn’t get along with his son, and he still wanted to wear matching swim trunks with Henry.

Henry wanted to wear a bikini like his mom, or a one piece. Yandere husband was confused when Henry grabbed the exact same one as his mother, and instead of stopping him, he lets Henry try it on.

Henry had the biggest wedgie of all time.

So, wearing the same navy blue swim trunks with starfish on it wasn’t that bad. Henry rolled his eyes, “I’m having fun.”

“You’re annoying me.”

“Where’s mom?” Henry splashed his father again.

Yandere husband let out a groan of frustration. “She’s tanning. I’m here, play with me.”

“You don’t know how to play mermaids.” Henry deadpanned. His hands now on his hips and he glared at the older man. “And you always try to be over powered.”

Yandere husband looked offended and he pouted. “I— I don’t want to be a weak mermaid, and I’m a better swimmer than you. It’s not my fault Im faster.” He crossed his arms and he wasn’t about to back down.

“Ugh, mom!” Henry called for you, and he rushed to your side the moment his father started to argue back.

Yandere husband quickly pulled him back, his hand gripped the child’s shoulder. “Hey- you said I could spend time with your mother. You got to sleep in the same bed as her, and that’s already not fair.”

“I’m a kid-” Henry grimaced. “and you’re an old man. I have the most priority.”

“We got a room with two queen beds, just take the other one! Then you get to have the whole bed all to yourself.” Yandere husband snarled and he pinched the kids cheek. He really tried to be mad at his son, but he looked really adorable. Plus, they were matching! Practically twins at this point, and yandere husband scooped up Henry and hugged him tight.

“You’re such a little cutie~” Yandere husband cooed, and he gave his son a bunch of kisses on the cheeks.

Henry tried to fight back, and dodge the attack from his father, and he covered his face with his hands. “This… this is abuse!”

[anonymouspuzzler]

you know what? fuck you (heartbreak gulch's my own guys)

(@heartbreakgulch courtesy of the inimitable @strangegutz & collaborators, also miscellaneous Thoughts under the cut bc it's my blog no one can stop me the doors have closed behind you)

HEARTBREAKER BULKHEAD:

Probably does not have superpowers anymore but still came from a family of considerable influence and was under pressure to inherit, pressure which he very much Broke Under.

Turned to a life of crime, definitely got in over his head with it, and essentially got rescued by Eddie, who he is Utterly Obsessed With And Heartsick For.

Has spent literal years as one of Eddie's attack dogs and generally jumping through hoops for him for Whatever Scraps Of Affection He Can Get, though he's still kind of squeamish around Literal Murder and thus tends to be assigned to supply runs and such most of the time.

Amateur mechanic and car enthusiast. Probably did a lot of McGyver-ass fixes around the Gulch-slash-generally assisted Ami til Davey was recruited.

Speaking of, was still the guy who recruited-slash-rescued Davey. They fell for each other hard and are in a committed relationship now, which has helped Buck take a little bit of a healthier step back with whatever the hell he and Eddie have going on (and helped him be a little less jealous and curmudgeonly about the Hot Young Things In Town, ie Zeki and Felix).

Absolutely not prepared to be a guardian to Minnie which has led his and Eddie's whole Relationship to enter a fun new stage of "hey man can I ask you for parenting advice nothing weird"

HEARTBREAKER DYNAMO:

Pretty similar backstory to the Villain-Coded version. Civilian turned criminal, lost his arm when he got in over his head on a job and Buck rescued him.

Has a bunch of different prosthetics he swaps out for different purposes, ie. one for combat, one to use for mechanic work, a kinda general use/everyday one, etc. That said, he goes without a lot to make sure he's prepared for a situation where he doesn't have access/one breaks or fails on a job/etc.

An alarmingly good recruit; I feel like originally Eddie kind of let him stick around as a kind of "gift" to Buck, but now that he's actually got him on jobs he's become a real rising star. Real good in a scrap and is a little more flexible with his moral lines in the sand compared to Buck. Outside of that he works with Ami a lot doing mechanics and repairs - probably interested in learning CompanDroid maintenance/repair but figures it'd be skeevy for him to push that point too much.

He and Eddie have a complicated relationship I think. They'd be kinda suspicious/distrusting of each other but also have a LOT of similarities and work really well together. To say nothing of their respective relationships with Buck.

I don't think he's Trying to Uncle the younger recruits in the Gulch but he definitely Does. He likes White a lot. He and Ami would also definitely get along really well. He is being The Bigger Man and Mature Adult and not giving Felix a wedgie no matter how badly he wants to

HEARTBREAKER(?) MINNIE:

From the same family of prominence as Buck and is currently very much on the run after a failed attempt to kill her own dad.

Extremely a city kid and is Not necessarily adapting well to Middle Of Nowhere Self Sustained Living.

Knew Of Buck but never met him before this so his whole Life and Little Criminal Commune featuring Multiple Guys He's Got SOMETHING Going On With is. it's a lot

Would like to do some crime actually but is A) still a little traumatized and adjusting to the whole Situation and B) 13 Whole Real Human Years Old.

Fascinated by Zeki's whole deal and his work but I think they would absolutely bring out the worst in each other they would fight so much. Autism to autism hostility

Having a very complicated response to White and Ami wherein she thinks they're SO cool but interacting with them at any length would make her realize Things About Herself that she's not consciously ready to confront so just like. Imagine being White and looking over your shoulder and that 13 year old is just Intensely Staring At You Unblinking from around a corner and as soon as she realizes you've seen her she turns around and runs off as fast as she can directly into a wall

Zarita absolutely hitting that Cool Just Slightly Older Kid niche for her.

[bakudekuficlibrary]

BakuDeku: Trapped Together

12 Works.

nippleslime asked: Know any fics where they are trapped somewhere together? Be it like a small room/box/hole/etc. Much appreciated!

Box by Ansohura ( E | 3,028 | 1/1 )

On a stakeout for a villain with what's been reported as a lust-inducing Quirk, Pro Heroes Ground Zero and Deku find themselves boxed into a dire situation.

[Dubious Consent]

WWAMD? (What Would All Might Do?) by Ciro ( E | 40,655 | 11/11 )

Join us at Endeavour's Annual Hero Masquerade party, as Deku struggles with a too small bunny outfit that Mina was originally supposed to wear.

Hidden in shadows and cursing Kirishima with every breath Katsuki fumes and watches the strange pink bunny man stumbling about in platform heels - fascinated by the sheer number of times the scantily clad man has had to stop and use his fluffy tail to dewedgie himself.

Is anonymity enough for these two to put aside their differences and get their freak on?

Follow our two heroes on a comedic collision course. The tools in their seduction kit include - wedgies, itchy nipples, disco dancing, prat falls and a bunny fan club.

Snowed in Love by sabertoothhousecat ( T | 7,518 | 1/1 )

It’s supposed to be a simple vacation. So of course that’s why Katsuki falls in a fucking hole, gets stuck in a blizzard, and has to talk to Deku again.

Sticky by Hardwood_Studios ( E | 4,172 | 1/1 )

“Deku…” Katsuki hisses in his ear like a snake under some unfortunate bastard’s boot. “…shit! Stop moving!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just — uncomfortable!” Izuku groans against the brick, attempting to push his hips back for just a fraction’s relief.

“I don’t give a fuck, just — nngh!”

“Oh…”

Our tale of two heroes begins in a warehouse in the Chiba Prefecture. Presently, they’re encased in the cement-like substance produced by their targets Quirk: Quick-Stick, stuck to each other and a wall. Katsuki’s chest to Izuku’s back, with but a hairsbreadth of movement available to them in their temporary tomb.

“I’m sorry, Kacchan…” Izuku squeaks, screwing his eyes tight against the feeling of Katsuki pressed snugly against his —

mind the gap by charantonia ( T | 7,361 | 1/1 )

After a prank by Kaminari goes wrong, Izuku finds himself trapped in their kitchen's pantry with Katsuki until they can call a locksmith in the morning. Emotions ensue.

A Fake Boyfriend is Always the Best Wingman by NerdyGay ( T | 4,448 | 1/1 )

Todoroki needs a date that’ll piss off Endeavor. Midoriya is single, his best friend, and All Might’s protégé. Naturally, the pairing writes itself.

Bakugo is not amused.

Or, a fake dating au with a slight twist.

Trapped by GunneroftheRoses ( T | 2,677 | 1/1 )

Bakugo and Midoriya trapped in a box together because of a villain quirk that shrinks at the whim of Shigaraki. Midoriya confronts Bakugo about his strange behavior and learns a secret he's been holding onto.

Trapped in the Heated Moment by Unuotan ( E | 5,455 | 1/1 )

After graduating UA High, Midoriya Izuku and Bakugou Katsuki accept their first job as side-kicks at their first hero agency…the same agency. Awkward. Then two villains appear to unknowingly…start the ball rolling between them.

Day 1: Teamwork

Closed In by MakeshiftDust ( E | 1,499 | 1/1 )

Deku and Bakugou find themselves pressed up against each other, trapped in a dark, closed-in space. They try to figure out an escape plan when Bakugou gets an awkward erection.

Closeted // BakuDeku by SexyDeath ( E | 3,308 | 1/1 )

After Sero and Todoroki get together, the two friend groups merge. But soon enough, the fighting between Midoriya and Bakugou gets too much.

So the next rational and completely thought out step they take is to shove the two in a closet together, to try and get them to get along. Ha, if only...

Or

Bakugou's masochism comes to play at a very unfortunate moment, causing a spiraling catastrophe of... This

Seven Minutes in Sexual Tension by orphan_account ( E | 5,016 | 1/1 )

“Kacchan, look at me and tell me,” he started with an intense look in his eyes. “Do you honestly think that of all people, I would be looking down on you?”

Katsuki’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but Izuku didn’t let him. He felt his insides start burning with some sort of ugly emotion, his eye might’ve even twitched at one point, but he didn’t stop. It felt as if he’d been wanting to talk to Katsuki about this for a while, but he didn’t know how to go about it, and he certainly didn’t imagine this conversation would take place in a cramped closet."

Otherwise known as "Katsuki gets stuck in a closet with Izuku during their trip to the waterpark and neither of them know what to do with the feelings that occur, but they do somehow end up fucking."

[Underage]

FUCK YOU by ColourlessZero ( E | 3,317 | 1/1 )

Deku gets shot in the chest... by Kacchan's cum.

Will he live long enough to graduate UA after catching his childhood friend rubbing one out?

To see the original 2019 list, click here.

[novamariestark]

Just Add Steam

Summary: No matter what you did, Tallahassee didn't get the hint. So maybe you need to do something a bit more... risky

Warnings: age gap, smut, unprotected sex (wrap b4 you tap), shower sex, oral (f+m receiving), proofread (but i always find a mistake that a ghost wrote after I post 🤣)

Word count: 2066

Fandom: Zombieland

Pairing: Tallahassee x reader

Frustrated didn’t seem strong enough a word to describe what you were feeling. No matter what, Tallahassee wasn’t taking the bait. No matter how sexy you tried to be, how long you spent making yourself completely badass, he just didn’t get it.

Little Rock and Wichita had both told you about how Tallahassee stares at you when you’re not looking, mostly at a certain part of your anatomy. Ever since, you’ve been trying to get him to act on it. Nothing you did was enticing enough. Even the shortest shorts you’d ever seen that you wore on a run with him didn’t seemingly have an effect on him. The only thing it got you was an uncomfortable fight against the dead fuckers because they gave you a wedgie. The shorts, not the zombies.

You were close to giving up. You also started to question whether what the girls said was true or whether they were teasing you about your own feelings for the man. After dinner came and idea. And if this didn’t work then you really would give up and probably leave because you’d be too embarrassed to stay.

Tallahassee announced that he was going to shower and whilst your mind raced with the dirtiest fantasies, you got the idea to join him. You told the others you were tired and going to bed hoping that they didn’t suspect anything and left the room. They probably did though.

But you didn’t know what else to do. Before the apocalypse happened, you hadn’t had any action for almost 2 years and then suddenly, the world chucks an incredibly handsome cowboy at you and you want nothing more than to ride him, all day every day.

You had to do something. And you had to do this before you talked yourself out of it

You headed to your room quickly to shed your clothes and wrapped yourself in your bath robe.

You could hear the shower from outside the door and your bare feet could feel the heat that was escaping from underneath. You reached for the handle, gently twisting it and sliding in to stop too much of a draft following you in.

To say that your imagination didn’t do justice would be the understatement of the century. Your eyes immediately found him, a magnetic tug towing you towards his figure, despite the steam fogging up the air around you, you could see him clearly, as your gaze travelled down his body, soaking in the details of his naked glory.

You felt a twinge of jealousy flare up within you—the green-eyed monster lurking in the corners of your mind. It was odd, really, to feel such envy for something as harmless as water droplets. Yet, there they were, glistening like tiny jewels as they clung lovingly to his skin, tracing the chiselled lines of his skin, accentuating every curve and plane. Each droplet seemed to linger a moment before cascading down, and you couldn't help but wish to be one of them, to feel the warmth of his body beneath you.

He must have sensed your gaze, as he suddenly turned around to face you, a flicker of irritation flashing across his features. For a split second, a flicker of something else crossed his features, but it was fleeting. Amusement?

“Do you mind?”

You shook your head, “Not at all,” you said as you let your robe pool at your feet. You bit your lip as you stepped towards the shower, “I thought I would join you,”

You stepped into the shower with him, standing so close that your nipples grazed against his chest. You look up at him as you let your index finger trace a wet line down his chest.

“Do you want me to leave?” you asked even though you knew the answer, if his impressive length pressing against your stomach was anything to go by.

He eyes darkened and he shook his head, “No,”

Your hands move up his chest and you cup the back of his neck bringing him into a kiss you’ve been wanting. No. Needing for months.

The water was hot and steamy, a premonition perhaps for what was about to happen between you and Tallahassee.  His hands moved to your waist, then up to your breasts, which he squeezed gently, drawing a low moan from deep within you. The kiss grew more urgent, tongues colliding as if they had never tasted anything so sweet before. Your heart was racing, your breath coming in uneven gasps as you felt him growing harder against you.

You reached down, your hand wrapping around his cock, stroking him slowly, feeling him throb against the sensitive skin of your fingers. He groaned into your mouth, his grip on you tightening. You broke the kiss to take a breath, looking up at him with a mischievous glint in your eye. You sank to your knees, the warm water pouring over your shoulders as you took him into your mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he let out a sharp hiss.

The sound of his need spurred you on, and you took him deeper, swirling your tongue around the tip, feeling him pulse with every movement your mouth made. His hands tangled in your hair, directing you, his hips bucking slightly as you took him in and out of your mouth. The taste of him was intoxicating, and you felt your own arousal growing, a sweet ache forming between your legs.

The look of pleasure on his face was like nothing you’d ever seen before, and it was all for you. You felt powerful, in control, and it was a exciting feeling that made you want to push him even further. You slid a hand between your own legs, slipping your fingers into your wetness, mimicking the rhythm of your mouth on him.

He watched your fingers, eyes darkening more, as they moved against your slick folds. He let out a guttural growl, his entire body tensing, and you knew he was close. You wanted him to come apart in your mouth, to feel the full force of his release. You picked up the pace, your hand moving faster, your mouth working him harder, and he grunted, his body shuddering as he climaxed, filling your mouth with his warmth. You swallowed, savouring the taste of him.

With a growl, he pulled you to your feet and pressed you against the tiles. His mouth found yours again, tasting himself on your lips. His hands roamed over your body, squeezing, exploring, leaving no inch untouched. His lips left yours and began to trail down your neck, leaving a line of kisses and nibbles that made you shiver with pleasure. Before you knew it, he sank to his knees to return the favour. His mouth found your core, and he began to lick and suck with an eagerness that had your knees wobbling like fragile branches in the wind.

You grabbed the shower rail for support, your eyes rolling back in your head as he devoured you. His tongue was skilled, finding every sensitive spot with ease, making you cry out. You felt yourself getting closer to the edge, your body tightening around his fingers. He sucked harder, his tongue circling your clit, and you couldn’t hold back any longer. With a strangled shout, you came, your legs shaking as waves of pleasure washed over you. He continued to suck, determined to get every last drop, until you had to gently push him away, overwhelmed by the intensity.

He rose to his feet, licking his lips, "So much fuckin better than a twinkie," he murmured, making you laugh despite the haze of pleasure, "So delicious," he added, before his mouth claimed yours again. The kiss was deep, a blend of passion and hunger that had been building for months. His hands moved to the back of your neck, holding you firmly as he explored your mouth, tasting you thoroughly.

You broke the kiss and turned around, your palms pressing against the tiles as you arch your back, sticking your ass out for him to take. You didn’t need to say anything; the way you presented yourself was an open invitation. He took it, his hands on your hips, his erection nudging at your entrance. He positioned himself and pushed in, slow and steady, filling you up. You gasped, the sensation overwhelming, your eyes squeezing shut as your body stretched to accommodate him.

"Fuck"

You felt the word rumble from his chest into your back as he buried himself to the hilt, his hips connecting with yours in a way that sent sparks shooting through every nerve ending. You pushed back against him, eager for more, and he began to move, setting a rhythm that was slow and steady, yet filled with the intensity of months of pent-up desire. The water sluiced down your bodies, mixing with the sweat and making you both slick as he moved inside you.

You could tell he was holding back, perhaps because it was your first time together, he didn't want to overstep, but you were past that point, "Tal, baby, fuck me," you panted, "Let go, baby,"

The words were like a switch flipped inside him. He pulled almost all the way out before slamming back into you, and the force of his thrust sent you forward, your breasts smacking against the cool tiles. You moaned, the sting of the cold against your hot flesh adding another layer of sensation to the mix. His pace grew more frenzied, his hips slapping against your ass with every drive. You could feel yourself climbing again, so close to the edge it was a wonder you hadn't fallen over it already.

You reached down, circling your clit with your fingers, matching the tempo of his thrusts. The combination of his thickness filling you and your own touch on your clit had you spiraling towards oblivion. He was grunting now, his breath hot against your neck, his grip on your hips tight enough to leave bruises. You didn't care. You wanted more. You needed more.

"Harder," you moaned, your voice muffled by the water and the sound of skin slapping against skin. He complied, his strokes becoming more forceful, more demanding. The tension in your body grew, your muscles tightening around him, and you knew you were close.

You could feel his own release building, his breath coming in harsh pants, his body tensing. He reached around, his hand finding yours, and together you worked yourself over the edge. The orgasm crashed into you, stealing your breath and making your legs tremble. You felt him follow, his body jerking as he spilled inside you, his warmth mixing with the water that surrounded you.

For a moment, you just stood there, his cock still buried in you, his breaths slowing. The only sound was the steady patter of water on the tiles.

"Why the fuck did I wait so long?" you asked aloud to yourself, your voice echoing slightly in the shower, "This was..." but your words were lost.

"How long?" Tallahassee's voice was gruff, his breathing still heavy as he leaned into you, his cock still deep inside your pussy.

"A few months... nine" you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. You felt his cock twitch inside you, and he let out a low groan.

"You mean to tell me that I could have had this sweet little pussy nine months ago?" he groaned, his teeth grazing the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down your spine, "Fuck,"

"I guess we'll just have to catch up then," you said, moving to step out the shower. You reached down to pick up your robe, purposely putting your ass in the air, so he could see your glistening wetness. You could hear him groan as you turned to face him, a smug smile playing on your lips.

He followed you out of the shower, his eyes never leaving your body. He wrapped a towel around his waist, and you both stepped into his room, the cool air making you shiver. He approached you, his eyes dark with hunger. He grabbed you, pushing you onto the bed, his towel falling to the floor. You didn’t resist, instead, you spread your legs, inviting him in…

[calciumdeficientt]

i created the template for NPC quotes and i never posted lenora’s… whoops. anyway here they are now. i have also learned that there are SO MANY different kinds of quotes so i am going to try and make this post as accessible as humanly possible but it is going to be LOOOOOOOOOOOONG

LENORA HARKER QUOTES

ALLY QUOTES

** AGREE TO ASSIST**

Sure, I can keep an eye on you Jim

Don’t worry, Lenora’s got you for sure

**ALLY- ABOUT TO LEAVE**

I can’t take any more of this, I’m audi!

Fight your own battles J-dog, I’m done

**ALLY- HELP ME!**

Hey, give me a hand!

I need some help! Fight hard!

BIKE QUOTES

**BIKE CRASH**

Aw… dang it I really thought I was getting the hang of this

Man… I hope the ladies turned away

**BIKE TRICK- SUCCESSFUL**

Hm, not terrible… now try doing that in the ocean

Radical trick! Just… not in front of the girls. I’m really getting somewhere with them

**BIKE STOLEN**

Hey what gives! That nerd I stole it from might’ve wanted it back!

Aw crap, too high to drive, bike got stolen… this is the pits

**BIKE TRICK- FAILED**

HAHAHAHAAH WIPEOUT

You should go get some training wheels or something, I’m worried about you

BOISTEROUS

HAHAAHHAA WOOOOHOOO

The Bolt from Bullworth strikes like lightning, yeah!

BUMPED QUOTES

**BUMPED- PREP**

Hey, watch it trust fund!

**BUMPED- GREASER**

Usually I’d be mad, but you just slid right off me!

**BUMPED- NERD**

Ewwwuh watch where you put those freaky little rat claws, you can get jail time for stuff like that

**BUMPED- BULLY**

The folks you meet in prison won’t be this kind to you, freak

**BUMPED- TOWNIE**

Can you even be out here? What’s the radius on that ankle monitor

**BUMPED- JIMMY- FRIENDLY**

Ope- I was lookin’ but I wasn’t seein’ my bad!

Sorry little man, I’ll be more careful next time

You go first, all my fault

**BUMPED- JIMMY- ENEMIES**

Ugh! Watch it, dork

Next time, I pound you

Open your eyes when you walk, Jimmy

Listen here, pipsqueak. Munchinland is back the way you came

Stay outta my way Hopkins.

Stay the HELL in your lane, don’t cross me.

SAYING BYE

Got track practice… gotta run

This was fun, see ya!

Hmm yeah i’m leaving now… no dumb excuse, just the vibe I’m getting

CARNIVAL

**FREAKSHOW**

If I’d stayed in California I’d probably be in one of those tents

I wonder if either of those girls are single… hell, I’m not above trying both!

**RIDE**

That ride was pretty okay… I guess

Aw man that ride was so rickety! It would’ve been so awesome if it crashed

CHATTER

How much booze is too much to bring to a party? They never have enough!

I kissed Gord at a party a few weeks ago… Its totally not my fault.. He smells like a lady

Man that fall off the gym roof really hurt.. I wish I knew when enough was enough… I’ll get there

If you think about it sound is like… waves. So when you’re listening to something it’s like you’re surfing!

I let a townie pierce my bellybutton… I think it might be infected

Everyone’s so agitated all the time. It can’t be good for us

My Polish teacher is all up in my grill about my assignments… like I dont have enough homework already.. I mean I already speak it! Who cares if I can’t write it down

Those prefects are always coming at me about my uniform! I didn’t like, ask to be tall!

CHASE QUOTES

**CHASING**

Get back here pipsqueak!

I’ll turn you inside you you little twerp!

**OUT OF BREATH**

Man… need to… focus on long distance

Maybe… I overestimated how fast I can run

**ESCAPED FROM**

Yeah and keep running!

Enjoy your head start, pipsqueak

CALLING FOR HELP

Hey, come check this out!

Dudes, come look at this!

CONVERSING

I don’t know why everyone’s so bothered about global warming… I’d kill for it to be summer forever

Aw man I remember my first wedgie, I never did see that kid again

Dan and Thad look so similar… I hope I don’t slip up again

I am so sure… yknow he threatened to make me run in my underwear the other day because my shorts were too long.. It was soo totally bogus

I saw Ted and that weird rich kid Justin making out under the bleachers yesterday… Mandy is going to be sooo crushed… Someone better go tell her

COMPLAINING

I like, don’t know how much more I can take! I mean he’s totally messing with my vibe

CONGRATULATING

Yeah right on man, you rule!”l

Total masterclass baby, woo!

CONFUSED

Oh yeah totally I- wait wha?

CONVERSING

**CONV- CONTINUING**

Uh huh- go on..

Yeah, so?

**CONV GOSSIP**

Did you hear all the stuff that Gary kid was saying about Jimmy? It’s total nonsense but… I could be persuaded

I heard that Hopkins put Russell in the hospital!

There’s some crazy stuff going around that Jimmy is actually a spy. I don’t buy it

Apparently his mom isn’t actually his mom

Did you hear that Hopkins has been to jail like three times?

Well I heard that he never buys his own clothes, he just takes them off of people he fights!

I heard Derby Harrington is secretly a vampire! Maybe that’s why he’s so pale and ugly

Did you know that Ricky’s been to see nurse McRae three times this week? If he wants pills he should just come to me

Apparently Earnest never drinks water, maybe that’s why his skin is like that

Dan thinks he’s gonna get to actually be on the team next year, I think Burton only told him that so he didn’t run back to the nerds

That Constantinos kid has been avoiding me. Apparently he doesn’t even work for the yearbook, he just likes taking creep shots of everyone

I hooked up with this really dope chick last week… but Kirby told me her boobs are totally fake! Like, I think I know more about boobs than you do, buddy

**CONV/ GOSSIP RESPONSE**

Seriously?! No way dude

That’s, like, next level bonkers!

Holy macaroni!

Damn!!!! There’s NO universe that’s true

**CONV/NEGATIVE PREMISE**

Miss Peabody’s doing random spot checks of the dorms… I’m so totally screwed

Sometimes I wonder if I even wanna run anymore

I’m starting to think maybe girls don’t actually dig me!

The guys don’t really care about me… I’ll never live up to their expectations

The whole clique’s gonna fall apart when Ted leaves for college… man I need to make new friends

**CONV/NEGATIVE RESPONSE**

Yeah right, like that’s anything to cry over

Try being me for a day and see if that still bothers you

Too bad, that’s Bullworth, kiddo

Cmon man that’s nothin’ get over yourself

**CONV/ NEGATIVE STATEMENT**

It’s like… no one cares about what’s going on at home!

I was never meant to be a jock. I’m just a nerd in denial!

Girls hate me, guys see me as a joke. Real sweet life

Times have really changed, we are SO the bottom of the food chain now

**CONVERSING/PARTING**

Catch you later dude

Hang loose bro

See you ‘round man

**CONVERSING/ POSITIVE PREMISE**

You coming to the meet on Friday? I’m set to get another medal

Having inter-clique friendships is pretty cool

I like to think the guys have accepted me as one of them

People always invite me to parties, it’s pretty rad

**CONVERSING/POSITIVE RESPONSE**

Oh yeah? that’s dope

Right on! Totally awesome!

I’m pickin’ up what you’re puttin’ down

**CONVERSING/QUESTIONS**

Hey, ever parked and not paid?

You ever wonder if concrete has feelings?

Have you ever caught a big wave?

Ever put your arms up on a ride even when they tell you not to? You have haven’t you!

**CONVERSING/QUESTION RESPONSE**

That’s a rad way of putting it.. man I feel stupid

Totally, I should do that more

Yeah… well I mean, I’ve thought about it, like… a LOT

Whaat? Nooo. You need to open your mind more man.

Do you think before you speak or do you just say it. of course not

No,that’s for losers

DEFEAT

**DEFEAT- INDIVIDUAL**

So this is what losing feels like… gross

How but- I- but..

Oh man… I should go pawn my medals

**DEFEAT - TEAM**

Who even ARE we?!

Okay seriously, what gives you guys?

They so totally cheated!

DISGUSTED

Oh my god…. I think I’m gonna hurl

DONT HIT

Ouch! I’m not the person you’re supposed to hit

Hey I’m your buddy, don’t hit me dude!

EGGED

Aw man, and this shirt was SO CLEAN!

FIGHTING

**FIGHTING**

Oh it’s SO over!

I’m gonna knock your ass over to the West coast!

Come here and take it!

Oh the gloves are OFF

**KO**

Hhhhgh… nuuuuurse

Hey… I liked those teeth

I just hope… there were ladies watching

I’ll… be back for you later

Dude… everything’s spinning

**FIGHTING TOWNIE**

I’m going to KEEP you on welfare!

**FIGHTING GREASER**

Come on and try it Ponyboy

**INITIATING FIGHT**

Which hospital do you wanna get sent to?

No one steps to Harker

Consider this karma, jackass

GET OVER HERE

**FIGHTING NERD**

The force can’t save you now!

**FIGHTING PREP**

Get your surgeon on the phone!

**LOW BLOW**

Ow! I’m not even a dude and that was still so… emasculating

**SPAT ON**

Euuugh… brush your teeth dude

**WATCHING FIGHT**

Grapple! GRAPPLE!

Cmon man do something illegal, we aren’t cops!

CURB-STOMP HIM! YEAH!

**WARNING TO FIGHT**

Violence makes violence

This is NOT something you wanna get into

FIRE ALARM

Every time I get my hopes up that it’s a real fire… and every time its just some loser messing with the alarm

FLUSTERED

I- eheheh

Totally! So like… what’s going on?

Hey, we can work this out right?

FOOD FIGHT

Dude! Stop throwing that! It’s all that I can eat!

I heard banana is good for your hair… I wonder if it’s good at high speeds

GIFT

**GIFT RECEIVED**

Sweet! The first of many, Hopkins

Same time tomorrow Jimmy?

**REQUESTING BRIBE**

My dealer wants cash… cough up

You’ve got something in there to keep me from swinging, don’t you?

You’re in with all those preps… you’ve got something to keep me away from you, surely

**REQUESTING PAYMENT FOR HELP**

Sure, I can back you up. But you gotta pay up front

I can be mean if you gimme some green, Jimmy!

**BRIBE RECEIVED**

I knew you had a good brain in that noggin, Hopkins

Right on, you’re a good dude

I’ll be back soon as this runs dry

GIFT

Here, I got you a little something

GREETING

**GREETING**

Dude, hey!

Good to see you man

Hey you

**GREET-MALE AUTHORITY**

Hey sir

**GREET- FEM AUTHORITY**

Sup uhh… ma’am

**GREETING- LIKES CLOTHING**

Fresh threads? You’re looking better than ever

**GREETING A GIRL**

Hey mama, you into arts and crafts? I’m real good with scissors

**GREETING- LIKES HAT**

Sweet hat… I need it get me one of those

**GREETING- LIKES SHOES**

Radical shoes, man. Lookin’ swish

**GREETING- LIKES SHIRT**

Rockin shirt dude!

**GREETING- LIKES PANTS**

Those are some kickass pants

**GREETING- LIKES HAIR**

Gnarly haircut

Sweet mane dude, radical

Now that’s hair that’ll get you a scholarship!

**GREETING-LIKES TATTOO**

Sweet ink, I was thinking of getting something like that

Hey I know that style, we get our tats at the same place!

GROOMING

Oh Lenora Lenora Lenora you are such a stud.. man if I were a pretty girl I’d TOTALLY date you myself

Man my hair’s gettin’ pretty long… makes me miss home

HELP

**EXPLAINING REQUEST**

It’s as simple as this

Listen dude, all you need to do is…

**REQUESTING HELP**

Heyyy, just the dude I’m lookin’ for

I’m totally getting the vibe you wanna help me right now

INDIGNANT

Enough! I’m minding my business!

Ow! Un-called for

‘Hey! What’s your damage man!

INTIMIDATED GREETING

“Heyyyyyyy… uhhh bro

JEERING

Lame-o!

Poser!

Wimp!

JIMMY IN GIRLS DORM

Nice, man. Get some. Oh wait- I mean noooo you cant be in here dude

LAUGHING

**LAUGHING- CRUEL**

hah hah hah… aaaah that was SOO LAAME

**LAUGHING - FRIENDLY**

hahahaha dude, no more seriously! I’m cryin’ hehe

PAYBACK

Uuuuugh the next time I see him I’m gonna make him swallow his own intestines!

RAT THROWN

Mr whiskers! I thought Dr Slawter dissected you!

RESPONSE TO GREETING

**RESPONSE TO GREETING- DISS**

I am NOT talking to you until you…. fix whatever’s going on with your energy

Hey back OFF, I am not your friend, and I’m friends with everyone so… you’re kinda a douche

**RESPONSE TO GREETING- FRIENDLY**

Jimbo! What’s goin on little dude

Hey Jim, how’s it hangin?

Hopkins is innnnnn the building! And lookin fly

SCARED

Come on you don’t wanna hit a girl, right? RIGHT?!?!

Jimmy come on man, we’re tight!

I- that was.. I didn’t know what I was sayin man I was fried!

Please dont hit me.. I have a meet this weekend

SEEING

**SEES ALLY ATTACKED**

Hang tight little bro I’m comin for ya

Hey! Keep your hands to yourself!

**SEES SOMETHING COOL**

YOOOOOO Wicked!

WOOOAAAAH BITCHIN’

**SEES SOMETHING CRAPPY**

Man what a hunk of junk, it so lame I don’t even wanna think about it

I really had high hopes for that…. such a shame it was a pile of bullcrap

**SEEING VANDALISM**

What?! No dont touch that it’s my favourite thing!

Damn it damn it! So bogus, I loved that

**SEEING WEAPON FIRED**

Oh man that looks dangerous…. do it again

Wooohoooo! HEADS!!!

STINKBOMB

Euuugh smells like the gym after wresting practice

Ewww it’s like the visiting room in jail

STORE- BROWSING CLOTHING

No girl could resist me in these, it’d be a crime not to get em

Oof… how many people thought this was okay to sell?

SUCKING UP

Listen… I know a LOT of cheerleaders, Jim

We’re buddies Jimmy, aren’t we? ARENT WE?!

You’re a cool guy Hopkins… you respect women. I’m down with that.

TAG DISCOVERED

If you’re gonna ruin the architecture… at least spell the insult right

TATTLING

I’m very anti authority but this is like… serious

A little birdie told me that you were looking for..

TAUNTING

**TAUNTING**

Come over and do something!

Yeah right, loser!

Come at me, bro

Go ahead, make my day

LEEEEEEEEWZER

Little bitch!

Jergoff!

**TAUNTING- AGGRESSIVE**

I’m gonna break you down!

Open wide, I wanna play dentist!

Get ready the beating of a lifetime!

You shoulda read up on caskets!

**TAUNTING- BACKING DOWN**

Bad trip, my b, my b

Lesson learned, It’s cool

Okay kiddo, okay, I get it

**TAUNTING- HUMILIATING**

This is kinda sad… at least fight back dude

Yeeeeah that’ll teach you

You’re my bitch now, ya dig?

Come onnnnnn you know you wanted this

**TAUNTING- NEW KID**

Hey young blood, lemme welcome you the Bullworth way

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES CLOTHING**

You smell like a prep…gross

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES HAIRCUT**

Hey who cut your hair? that hobo?

Oh my god, were you awake in the salon? I hope not

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES HAT**

That hat is… brave

**TAUNTING- JIMMY IS EXPELLED**

I always knew there was something crooked about you, Hopkins.

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES PANTS**

Did you pay for those pants or did you find them on a corpse?

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES SHIRT**

How much did you pay for that shirt? whatever it was it was too much

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES SHOES**

Those shoes are… wow okay

**TAUNTING- DISLIKES TATTOO**

You let a blind guy with parkinson’s tattoo you

All that time in the chair and you couldn’t ask for something a little cooler?

**TAUNTING- LIKES CLOTHES**

Those are some gnarly threads, shame they’re on a dork

**TAUNTING RESPONSE- CRYING**

I just- I (SOBBING) I have a lot of dreams… and most of them are about women (MORE SOBBING)

**TAUNTING RESPONSE- DOESNT CARE**

Oh… you were talking to me?

I wonder if that townie girl is busy right now

Is this supposed to be threatening?

Man, I need a toke

**TAUNTING RESPONSE- AGGRESSIVE**

You got something to say, huh? HUH?

Stand by it, loser, say that again!

I’ve been itching for a chance to fix that bogus attitude

Come over here and do something about it!

Step up man. STEP UP.

Your ass is grass, Hopkins and NOT the fun kind

**TAUNT RESPONSE- BACKING DOWN**

I buh- I-I was just playing around

Man cmon man knock it off

I can dish it but i can’t take it, okay! I’m a wimp!

THIS WAY

Jimbo! This way man!

Did you hit your head or something? It’s this way!

THANKS JIMMY

You’re a good dude, thanks J.

SWIRLY

**AFTER BEING SWIRLED**

Aw man… worst wave of my life

You could’ve done this in the girls bathroom…. they’re so much (SOB) CLEANER

Total party foul…. not cool

**BEGGING NOT TO BE SWIRLIED**

Noooo cmon cmon this isn’t good for either of us!

THIS PIERCING IS NEW PLEASE DONT

The guys’ll leave you alone! I swear! Please don’t do this!

TRASH TALKING

**TRASH TALKING-PERSONAL**

Heyyyy lighten up, it’s character building!

I’ll send some flowers over for your casket

Cmon loser, it’s like a workout!

**TRASH TALKING- TEAM**

We’re jocks for a reason! Go home now!

I feel kinda bad for you guys.. comin’ in knowin’ you’re gonna like, lose

It’s cool we’re giving a chance to a less fortunate team.

THANK YOU

Yooooo, thank you!

VICTORY

**VICTORY- INDIVIDUAL**

That’s how it’s DONE! Check it!

Another one bites the dust.

Ain’t nothin’ new here, ladies.

**VICTORY- TEAM**

Hell yeah, RAIN DOWN THE PAIN

THATS MY BOYS. RIGHT ON

I’ve yet to meet an underdog we couldn’t smash

VICTIMISING

**VICTIMISED**

Oh please no! I’m so scared of you… hahah yeah right

Ohh…Get a life dude… such a buzzkill

**VICTIMISING**

hahahaha right on… I love playing rough!

You’re so funny! Do that scream thing again

If you struggle enough I might feel sorry for you…. probably not

WAIT FOR ME

Hopkins, wait up!

Slow down a little, I’m stiff!

WHINE

This is like… literally like… like… like the worst day ever!

WHAT IS THAT

Heyyyy that looks like… hang on, what is that?

TV TURNED OFF

No it’s fine whatever. Not like I was, like watching it. or anything

[sundaynightlive]

A Comprehensive Guide on How Not to Tell Your Friends You're in Love [This Message was Approved by Sir Lancelot of Camelot] (Merthur)

[Read This for Better Context! But It's Not Required, or Anything]

4+1, silly knights, 3.4k, Arthur and Merlin being generally insufferable, unintentional secret realtionship trope, etc.

(TW: mention of battle, and Gwaine drinks piss? But it's comical, not like weird? I guess it's a tiny bit weird. You'll get it when you get to it.)

[1] 

“Lance just let the man sleep,” Gwaine insists, “Perhaps the festival is still heavy on him.”

“You just want to get out of training,” Elyan accuses, which Lance is sure is entirely correct. Gwaine groans, dropping his arms at his sides defeatedly.

“Fine, whatever, go bother him and don’t come crying to me when he sticks his boot in your arse.”

A few of them chuckle, but Leon shoos Lancelot away, which is enough confirmation for him that going to check on Arthur is probably best. He rids himself of his sword and his armor, as he is technically off-duty and would not prefer to go clanking around the castle this early in the morning, and heads for Arthur’s bedchambers.

This is the first mistake.

When he finds himself at Arthur’s door, he presses his ear to the wood and hears nothing. So he knocks.

And knocks again.

And knocks a third time.

Still nothing. He thinks perhaps Arthur is not even there, but then again, the man has been known to sleep like an absolute boulder, so he should check, shouldn’t he?

This is his second mistake, and by far the worst.

It is upon opening Arthur’s door and peeking his head inside that he is greeted with the sight of two very naked men, one of which is thankfully obscured from him, and the other of which, well…

Lancelot retreats so quickly he actually find himself sprinting down the hall, lest the prince had woken up and seen him, or stuck his head out his door in confusion, or even smelled that someone had been there. He only stops when he’s so far away (and particularly lost) that he no longer knows what direction to go.

Lance had heard the rumors, had been present in the room when Arthur had warned Lord Edmond of he and Merlin’s… relationship, but he and the rest of the knights had chalked it up to a tactic to get Edmond to listen, not a truth. But there, just then, he saw them lying together. Truly lying together as if they did not regularly throw horse shit at each other’s faces and fight like back-alley boxers. Lancelot has watched Arthur dump soup over Merlin’s head, and Merlin give Arthur wedgies with a wave of his hand, and Arthur spit in Merlin’s wine, and Merlin toss said wine in Arthur’s lap—

Alright, perhaps this should not come at so much of a shock. They are generally inseparable, and fiercely loyal to one another, and never far from each other, even when Merlin is technically dismissed.

But god, paramour?

Does that technically make Merlin his superior?

Lancelot starts back the way he came, seeing that as the only way out of this ridiculous maze, and on the way, he bumps into Gwen.

“There you are!” she exclaims delightfully, offering him a wide and shining smile, “I’ve come to tell you there will be no training today. You weren’t with the other knights?” 

Lancelot swallows and nods.

“I was, ah, looking for something.” 

“Understood,” she says, and continues on her way. She gets past him quite aways before he turns around, unable to push down the curiosity building up inside him.

“Gwen?” 

She stops, and turns.

“Yes?”

“Why? Was it canceled, I mean.”

She smiles.

“I believe you have Merlin to thank for that.”

[2]

It takes a lot, and by a lot, he means a lot, to shock Gwaine. It’s just not a task that’s easily done, and because of this, the knights have a bet going who can traumatize the poor guy most by the end of the week.

Now, Lancelot joined this bet heavily under the influence of alcohol, and regrets it, because he’s sure to lose. There’s nothing he could do that Percival could not beat, or Leon, for that matter. It embarrasses Lance just to speak of his own biological function, let alone trick Gwaine into drinking piss or kissing him full on the mouth—with tongue—as Elyan had done. 

How Gwaine hadn’t flinched at the piss thing, instead lamenting—

Perce, you need to drink more water, is absolutely beyond Lance’s comprehension.

What a stupid bet. What a stupid bet. And worse, Gwaine is in on the whole thing (he had to be just for safety’s sake, if they were going to constantly affront him as they were doing) and he even knows Lance is screwed, teasing him constantly about not having made a single attempt, about “owning his loss.”

He was the laughing stock of the round table.

But he had one idea. And it was terrible, absolutely wretched, invasive, and probably treason.

But he is fed up with the teasing.

His first idea was to lock Gwaine in Arthur’s very wardrobe, which would ensure Gwaine would be present to something dastardly, but then he felt guilty at just the thought of invading his friends’ privacy in such a way.

So he settled for the stables.

Unbeknownst to anyone, except Lancelot, who had been extremely unlucky in happening upon Merlin and Arthur’s more intimate moments not once, but several times, the couple tended to retreat to the stables at random (but increasingly pattern-like) times of day to talk, or snog, or whatever—these times just happened to coincide with the free-time Lancelot had to brush and water and feed his horse.

He had considered moving his schedule around to avoid this, but the days came and went, and Merlin and Arthur knew he was there, as he was clearly visible when they wandered in and closed themselves in an empty stall, so he figured he wasn’t doing much damage and they were unbothered by his presence.

They would often do little more than flirt and bicker and tease, anyway, and there must not be any real concern for keeping their relationship a secret. Actually, Lance was starting to suspect they thought the other knights already knew, even though this was not the case.

That is the nail in the coffin—by inviting Gwaine to the stables with him, he’s only invading privacy Arthur and Merlin don’t even know they have, which, therefore, is not technically privacy. 

Or maybe Lancelot is just really good at convincing himself he’s the good guy in any given situation, but that’s neither here nor there.

“I don’t understand why I’m here,” Gwaine says, gently petting the horse’s nose, “Aww, are you lonely, Lancelot?” 

Lance rolls his eyes, carefully brushing her mane, trying not to irritate her too badly at all the tangles.

“You’ll see,” he says.

“Is brushing this horse your lame attempt at winning the bet?” Gwaine muses, “Or maybe something around here…” As he begins to look around, grinning, Lancelot begins to hear footsteps and voices, vibrant voices, heading this way. He grabs Gwaine by the wrist and all but throws him to the floor, at which the knight just looks up at him, shocked.

“You are going to sit there and be quiet,” Lance snaps, speaking quickly, lest he still be talking when Arthur and Merlin arrive, “This is my only chance at winning this bet because I am not capable of pissing in your wine or shaving off your eyebrows in the middle of the night!” 

Gwain reaches up to feel his eyebrows, which are still there—Lance just wanted to freak him out.

“I have been going crazy for two weeks because I am too good of a man to go around spilling other people’s beans, even when those people don’t know there are beans to be spilled—!”

“Mate, are you alright?”

“Shut up!” Lancelot hisses, “If you say a word of this to anyone, I really will come into your bedroom at night and your eyebrows will be gone before you’ve wiped the sleep from your eyes! Do you understand?!” Gwaine nods, wide eyed.

“You know, you’re kind of sexy when you’re angry—”

“You know, we could just steal away to your bedchambers instead of coming here every day,” Merlin muses suddenly, breaking their conversation and effectively causing Gwaine’s jaw to unhinge.

“When I have things to do, Merlin, I tend to avoid being in rooms that include both you and flat surfaces,” Arthur replies cheekily, and if it were possible, Gwaine’s mouth opens even wider. Lancelot has to look away from him because he’s blushing—of course today would be a day where they were being more obnoxious than usual, though, he and Gwaine are situated behind a wall, so it’s likely neither are aware of anyone’s presence, yet.

“Arthur,” Merlin chides.

“Well when you frequently conduct yourself as a common whore—”

“Arthur! Lance is probably here somewhere!”

“I don’t see him.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not here, idiot.”

“But if he’s not here,” Arthur teases, “The floor is a flat surface—” Lance walks out from behind the wall abruptly, glaring half-heartedly at the lovers, Merlin who is leaned back against the door to the stall they usually steal, arms crossed over his chest, and Arthur who is caging him in with one arm, looking smitten.

As revolting as it is having to hear any of this is, Lance is quite chuffed that his friends are happy and in love. It doesn’t really bother him, or he would’ve made more effort to switch up his schedule.

“If you’re going to be disgusting, do it in the stall,” Lance grumbles at them, and Arthur grins widely.

“Ah, so he speaks!” Arthur teases, in reference to the many days they have come here and Lance has paid them no mind. Lance glances at Gwaine, just because he’s curious, and finds his face buried in his hands, a hint of blush peeking through.

Oh, he’s won. He’s won.

“I don’t know that you should be calling your paramour such a thing as a common whore. Especially when your paramour is my good friend Merlin,” Lance warns, unable to keep the warm smile from his face when Merlin pokes Arthur in the ribs playfully, beaming—and though it’s supposedly at the comment, Lance knows that it’s at Arthur.

They are happy, aren’t they?

“You wouldn’t be so certain if you had seen him this morning—” 

“Arthur!”

“If I recall correctly,” Lance retaliates, “You’re the one who showed up to training this morning with a handkerchief ‘round your neck, which I suspect was hiding those nasty hickeys on your throat. Fairly certain I can deduce which of you acts as a common whore.”

“Ah, piss off,” Arthur says, grinning widely, completely unphased at the back-talk. Weeks ago, Lance would not have dared argue with the prince, but having grown to know of Arthur and Merlin’s dynamic, it’s safe to say back talk and true friendship is what the man prefers. The tough-love farce is just a face Arthur puts on—a convincing one, but a farce nonetheless.

“I think I quite like Lancelot’s points,” Merlin says, and Arthur knocks their foreheads together, bumping noses, which is when Lance elects to turn away and back to his horse (and Gwaine, who is dramatically lying on the floor in the fetal position).

“See you this afternoon, then, for bit more training?” Arthur calls towards him, presumably before they disappear into the closed stall to kiss some more. Lance looks up, grinning.

“Yes, of course, your highness.”

And with that, the entire ordeal is over, unless he’d prefer to drag Gwaine over and forcibly press his ear to the stall door, but that seems unnecessary.

“Are you alright?” he asks, as quietly as he can manage. “You win,” Gwaine says weekly, face buried in hay, “You. Win.”

—

“Lancelot won.”

“What?! How?! I pissed in your wine!”

“Percival, can you stop bringing up how you pissed in Gwaine’s wine? I’m starting to think you’re a pervert.”

“No, I’m a winner.”

“What could Lance have possibly done to move you?”

“I promised I wouldn’t tell, and if I’m honest, I do not want to.”

“Well now you have to tell us.”

“You’ll find out. Eventually.”

“That’s rather ominous.”

“Lancelot has certainly cheated. I pissed in your wine!”

“Percival! Enough!”

[3]

“Why’s Merlin here?” Leon asks, and Lance flinches, hard. He knew it would come to pass that all the knights would eventually find out Merlin outranked them in title, but he hadn’t counted on being present every time.

Yet here he is, a meeting at the round table with him, Gwaine, and Leon in attendance, Elyan and Percival are currently working patrol, to be filled in later, as this was a matter brought up without warning, and no time to free them of their duties before deciding what to do.

Lance watches, squirming awkwardly as Uther’s brow furrows, and he looks from Leon, to Arthur, and then—

“Because he outranks you, Sir Leon,”  Uther says, as if that were obvious, “And I do not trust my son—” Uther gives Arthur a pointed look, “—to not tell him of these matters, even if I instructed him so. And he will accompany you on your journey, anyway, as he always has.” 

Leon blinks, dumbly. A deep silence fills the room, and Lance knows his own discomfort is written all over his face. Merlin looks to be feeling a similar level of awkwardness, and Arthur’s got this stupid little grin, like he’s finding the situation quite funny.

“Merlin outranks a Knight of the Round Table?” Leon presses, clearly perplexed.

Lance hangs his head, and Gwaine outwardly groans. Arthur’s small smile presses into a full one.

Uther pauses a moment, and then looks to his son.

“Have you not told them?”

“We know,” Lance speaks up, to maybe soften the blow a bit. 

“You know what?” Leon asks.

“Merlin is Arthur’s paramour. Legally he outranks us because he is basically royalty-adjacent,” Gwaine explains.

“Not basically, he is royalty adjacent.” 

Leon looks between them and Arthur, who is still clearly amused, and Merlin, who looks to be in some degree of physical pain.

“But… I thought when you—at the party—”

“Leon,” Lance says, carefully, as to not rupture any brain cells, “I know this is a lot, but I believe there are several villages on fire that require a little more of our attention than Merlin and Arthur’s courtship.”

“They cannot be married!” Leon exclaims.

“You know what I mean!” Leon sinks back in his chair, visibly unable to process this information. Because Lance is so well-acquainted, it’s growing harder and harder for him to understand this sort of reaction. Sure, he was surprised as well, it’s not totally unbelievable. They spend all their time together, they’re quite affectionate if you know how to look for it—

“Now, if this foolishness is finished,” Uther says, and Lancelot jolts at the realization this entire sordid conversation happened in front of the king, “Here is what must be done.”

[4]

It’s a three-day ride to the area where the villages are being pillaged, and while they travel as long as they can, they end up making camp some time in the middle of the night, sitting comfortably around a fire and making pleasant conversation to ease the nerves of the trouble ahead.

This is good—more than good, as Lancelot quite enjoys these fireside chats—until Percival decides to ruin it, and ruin it completely.

“Which of us do you suppose is the best in bed?” Gwaine asks, a one-off question meant to strike up an affectionate argument, which catches the attention of all of them. Lancelot is laughing softly, and moving to answer—

As much as it pains me to say it, I’d have to go with you, you shameless whore.

—but he doesn’t get the chance.

“Merlin.”

Gwaine’s jaw drops next to him as his own stomach drops into the soles of his boots. Leon’s look of abject-horror is downright comical, but Lancelot is too disturbed to actually laugh at it. 

“Do you have a death wish?!” Leon hisses.

“Why do you say that, Perce?” Arthur asks, and Lancelot risks a glance this way. Where he had been amused at Leon's cluelessness, he is clearly not amused by this. His jaw is set and his gaze is piercing. Lancelot then swivels his head to Merlin, who has the back of a hand pushed up against his mouth, presumably to keep him from devolving into hysterics.

“First he pisses in my wine,” Gwaine mumbles, only loud enough for Lance to hear it, “And now he tells the crown prince he thinks his paramour is good in bed.”

Now that? That does tickle him a bit, and he finds himself covering his mouth as well.

Percival shrugs, oblivious, “He looks it.”

“He looks it?” Arthur presses, and if Percival hears the edge in Arthur’s voice, it does not slow him.

“Sure,” Percival says, “Well—it’s more as if he doesn’t look it. Those are the sneaky ones, you know—they look innocent, and then bam! You're all laid out and you don't even know what's happened."

Right, so this is the worst of each of these situations, and Lancelot literally saw them lying naked together.

“I see your point,” Elyan begins, “But I raise you—”

“Why don’t we test this theory, yeah?” Arthur interrupts, and it’s like getting punched in the gut. Gwaine even chokes on his water, doubling over and coughing while Leon hangs his head in absolute mortification, and Lance rubs an incredulous hand over his face.

Percival and Leon stare.

“What?”

“Merlin,” Arthur says, “I’d like to test Percival’s theory, if you’ll have me.”

If you’ll have me---that’s disgusting. That’s so far beyond anything Lance has already heard from them that he actually doubles over and puts his head as far between his own knees as he can get them, thoroughly humiliated by this shameless display.

Fucking Percival.

“You can’t be serious—” Elyan cuts in, but Merlin cuts him off.

“Arthur—” How has he said just a name so sensually, and why has he chosen to do so, and will Lancelot ever unhear this conversation? God, he hopes so. “—I believe you are well aware that I will have you.”

Nope—this one’s forever.

“Brilliant,” Arthur says, “I’ll return with the results in a bit. Be prepared for a very detailed account.”

And with that, they promptly leave, Lancelot, Gwaine, and Leon all appalled, and Elyan and Percival clambering for answers that the three of them must now provide.

Merlin and Arthur are gone for a ridiculous amount of time, but none of them have the balls to go and check on them.

[+1]

Lancelot never imagined he’d see Arthur cry, much less weep, but as Arthur does, gripping his paramour’s shirt with what must be a terrible relief at seeing Merlin alive, he cannot help but think Arthur is the strongest, most courageous, and kindhearted man he has ever met. He glances over to Gwaine, who meets his gaze.

Gwaine nods. 

Lance nods back.

The fight had been bloody, but the knights remain mostly unscathed with the exception of Leon who had taken quite a few hits, but was breathing, and insisting he was alright. The scariest part of the battle had been Merlin, whom had been, at one point, surrounded, and then disappeared from anyone’s sight. 

It didn’t take much searching around after the violence had quelled, but it had taken enough that Arthur had completely convinced himself of the worst.

But Merlin was fine. Mostly unharmed.

To watch Merlin pet Arthur’s hair, whisper sweet-nothings in his ear, and assure him time and time again---

I'm here. I'm here.

---while the crown-prince weeps into his chest, shaking like a leaf—it is heartbreaking. So much so that after a few moments, Lance must avert his eyes, and finds his fellow knights doing the same.

“I thought I lost you. I thought—”

“Arthur,” Merlin says firmly, “You must breathe. I promise I am right here.”

After that, the knights give them their privacy, congregating where there are the least amount of bodies, but where they might still keep a wary eye on the townsfolk. You never know about the people out here and what they think of royal customs such as paramours, or more specifically, the disregard of gender that often occurs in such an arrangement, specifically this arrangement.

Lancelot makes sure to keep his wits about him.

“I see it a great disservice to the very idea of love that they may not marry,” Leon says finally, breaking the silence.

“They cannot marry?” Percival asks, “I thought that legally—”

“Arthur must produce an heir,” Lancelot interrupts, “It’s not a matter of the church, it’s a matter of the royal line.” 

There’s a silence—not long, but shifty and a little disappointed at that harsh reality.

“We could always throw them a wedding, someday,” Gwaine pipes up, “Not that I don’t think they are totally disgusting—” Lance elbows him in the arm, effectively shutting him up.

“Quit while you’re ahead, Gwaine. A wedding is a nice idea.”

Another brief silence.

“I don’t think I’ve ever known two people so in love,” Lancelot continues, softly. And though no knight offers his verbal agreement, it is unanimous, and implicit.

[imauthicktic]

May I request Max Thompson Jr x reader NSFW? I was thinking about him being aroused by reader with thick thighs/big butt when he accidentally takes a look up her skirt. She trips and falls while being chased, so that's why he got a little peek and wasn't able to stop thinking about it until she dropped by his realm to make sure he is okay after another survivor dropped a pallet on him a little more violently than usual. Basically comfort turning into smut, if that's okay! Hope that's not too much, but if it is please feel free to ignore!

Hi!! So it honestly took me a while to write this one considering I've never written smut before.. but I hope you like it!!

This is going to be considered a Max Thompson Jr. x fem!reader because of the request mentioning 'she' it does start off fluffy with some suggestive stuff, but once the reader gets to Max's realm, that's when it gets spicy if you don't want to read that part.

Will be under the cut since it's super long!

You and Max have always had a special relationship. You’ve always been on the kinder side with him and have never insulted him for his looks, or for any of his clear insecurities. You always found him to be sweet and would sometimes go easier on him during trials. He could use some of the help and he doesn’t notice your small change in effort as you play the part well. 

Max loves it when he gets his hands on you during trials. You have such a cute outfit that really shows off your curves. He loves the squeal you let out when he puts his hands on your sides and lifts you to his shoulder. He especially loves the feeling of your plush thighs being squished by his arm when holding you up. You don’t tend to try to fight him when he has you, but your hands tend to wander on his back a little in almost a comforting way. 

Today’s trial was a little rough on both of you, however. You had just finished a trial with Ghostface before immediately being put into another trial. Ghostface was being a little much with you by lifting your skirt up a couple times thinking he was oh so funny. After the third time doing it you turned to slap him across the face, almost knocking off his mask. This was not the right move on your end as it just made him seem more determined to kill you. He moried you so fast that you didn’t notice you were in a new trial. You thought you were still being hunted by him. It made you careless that you had rolled your ankle when you looked behind you trying to see if he was behind you as you heard your heartbeat getting louder.

You were running up the stairs of the building near you. Your ankle was throbbing and you just wanted this trial to end. You could hear the person behind you climbing the stairs faster than you could keep going. Once again, you tripped and landed on your hands and knees. The stomping behind you quickly stopped as you turned around to see who it was. You let out a sigh of relief seeing Max. He seemed frozen in place and his hands were already out to grab you. “Maxie? Are you ok?” you asked confused. You didn’t notice the tent in his pants when he let out a little squeal and turned to run away from you. He didn’t know how to handle seeing your undies which were pulled so far up your ass into a wedgie from all the running and falling you’ve gone through today. It flustered him seeing so much of your soft skin and he’s always wanted to respect you as you were always kind and affectionate with him. You were the closest thing he would consider a friend. Sure he was slightly obsessed with you and found you to be so beautiful that he would think about you outside of trials when he had some time to himself, but he never thought he’d get to see up your cute little skirt.

The rest of the trial went without error as no one was getting hooked, all the generators were fixed, and the exit was opened. You were walking with Jeff to the exit when you heard Max’s uneven running coming up behind you two. You just happened to walk up next to a palette when Jeff slammed the palette down on top of Max making him groan in pain and Jeff grabbed your hand and ran through the fog at the exit with your protests falling on deaf ears.

Once you made it back to the survivor’s camp, you gave it a couple of minutes before heading to Max’s realm. You know he must be having a hard time with how that trial just went. You headed towards the forest, not knowing Max was already watching you from within. He stalked you through the forest, surprisingly stealthily for him. You, obviously, none the wiser. By the time you reach Max’s realm you’re already excited to see him. You cherish every time you get a chance to spend time with him. 

As soon as you reached his land you were breaking into a sprint towards the house to see if you could find him and love on him after that horrible run. Max immediately chases after you which makes you stop and turn since you hear his stomping behind you. He didn’t expect you to stop so suddenly and that caused him to plow into you, knocking you both to the ground. Max had wrapped his arms around you and turned you both to where he landed on his back with you on top of him and landed with an “oof”. You look up at him with worry, “Are you ok Maxie? I was worried that you got hurt in that last trial. Where did you go?” You bring one of your hands up to his face and cup it gently. He groans as he squeezes you closer to him. He didn’t exactly want to answer that. He felt embarrassed because he was hiding from you after having seen your ass. He was always attracted to you because of the affection and care you gave him. You just also happened to be the most beautiful thing he has ever witnessed as well. All he knows is he wants to touch you, but is scared of your rejection.

You heaved a sigh knowing something is wrong since he wasn’t trying to babble out that he was ok. You looked into his eyes before letting out a small smile. You assumed he was still hurt from the palette from earlier, “Maxie, baby boy, let’s head over to the house. Let me help you feel better,” you said as you stood up and reached your hand out to him. He grabbed your hand and got up to trail behind you to his house. He kept his head down thinking his thoughts of your body would subside but then he found himself watching the sway of your hips as you walked in front of him. All the dirty thoughts of you immediately flooded back to his mind and he could feel himself straining against his pants. He didn’t even realize that he was reaching for your ass until he felt the plushness in his grip and heard a squeak from you. You turned around so quickly you nearly got whiplash. You tightened your grip on his hand out of reflex at Max jerking a little at the sudden turn. You didn’t mean to scare him, but his hand grabbing a handful of your ass definitely shocked you.

Max was loosening his grip from your hand and was babbling nervously when you were looking over his form. He was nearly squirming when your eyes landed on the bulge in his pants. You couldn’t help the gasp that came out at the size of the tent in his pants. It’s not like you disliked the feeling of him touching you so intimately. You’ve definitely thought about what sleeping with him would be like. Especially knowing he’s never been intimate like that with anyone. You would think about how you’d be able to teach him certain things and the thought of him putting his rough hands on your soft skin made you squeeze your thighs together in anticipation.

Max was still hyper aware of your eyes still looking at his dick and he nearly choked at your free hand palming his crotch. You licked your lips as you looked up at Max as you continued to apply pressure to his hardening dick. You saw the nervousness in him easing into pleasure as you continued to toy with him. Stepping forward you push your chest up against his and lean up to place a small kiss onto his lips as your hands go to the button of his jeans. He follows your lips as you pull away from the kiss, wanting more and who were you to deny him kisses. “Max, is this ok?” you whisper to him, brushing your lips against his lightly. He nodded eagerly as you guided his hands to your body. You moan into his mouth when you bring his hands under your shirt to squeeze your chest. Max was fascinated by the softness of your breasts and wanted to see them so he grabbed the material of your shirt and ripped it from your body making you gasp. His hands went to reach for your bra next, “W-Wait! Maxie let me just take off the bra, I don’t want you to rip this,” you blurt out as you unhook the bra from the front and slowly open it for him to see you bare chested for the first time. Max put his hands on your hips and squatted down to where he was eye-level with your perky nipples and looked up at you hesitantly before kissing your right nipple. You sucked in a deep breath, putting one hand on the back of his head and the other on his shoulder. He starts licking and sucking on your nipple as his hands trail down to the top of your thighs and slip under your cute little skirt to massage your cheeks, ripping a breathy moan of Max’s name.

Max doesn’t think he could get any harder from getting to touch your soft skin, you needed some relief and you weren’t sure if you could go much longer. You squealed from feeling Max bite your nipple and pulled him back a bit from your chest. He looked up at you shocked at the reaction you made, worried that he hurt you. “Maxie, baby boy, I need to feel you in me already. Please.” He stood up to his full height and picked you up, your arms and legs wrapping around him and brought you over to the shade of a tree you were nearby. “Baby, sit down. I’m going to take care of you, ok?” He nodded as he sat down and you unzipped his jeans. Max’s hardened cock came out and was the perfect length, girthier than most you’ve seen, and a slight curve to the left. You squat over him, trying to angle him with your wet hole. Looking up at him, you leaned forward to kiss him with all the love you could muster as you slid down on his cock. You moan loudly into his open mouth, also letting out a moan. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as his hands gripped your hips and slammed you down onto his cock making you squeal at the fullness in your cunt, his tip hitting you in just the right place. “Oh! Max! F-Fuck!” You start bouncing on his cock using his shoulders for stability and his hands touching your bare ass. Max’s tip hitting your g-spot over and over with every slam of your hips down onto his lap. Max was trying to hold back his moans because he was mesmerized by the sound of your wet pussy squelching and the sounds coming out of your mouth as well. It was pushing him to the edge and he felt the knot in his stomach tighten. “M-Max, Max, oh I’m so close baby. So so close,” he heard you say through his haze and nodded, so glad you were enjoying yourself as much as he was. He adjusted his grip and started to bring his hips up to meet yours. All you could chant was ‘yes’ over and over again as you heard Max start to babble and you knew he was just as close. You pulled him forward and kissed him as you slammed down on his cock one last time, cumming on him and whining into the kiss. Feeling you pulse around him was the last thing he needed to let go and shoot his thick seed up into you. 

You leaned forward onto Max’s chest, placing small kisses against his pecs. You could still feel Max pulsing inside you which is making your chest flutter. You sit up and look him in his eyes. You hum happily as you lean in to kiss him again. “I love you so much Maxie,” you say, rubbing your nose against his softly. He tried to babble it back out to you, but he choked at you grinding down against his cock again. He was still just as hard as when you started, “m-morrre,” he groaned out. He stood up without taking himself out and started walking to his house so he could fuck you again. You squealed at the sudden change in altitude and noticed you were heading into the house. You don’t think it’ll be too much more once you’re inside but he proved you wrong as it turns out he has the stamina of a Greek god since he fucked you for hours now that he has you wrapped around his finger.

Requests are open! Pls lmk what y’all think!

[lovesickonmybed]

Idk if you write male stories but how about Eddie giving Steve a wedgie as a joke; but then Steve moans

We Don't Fight Fair - Steddie | 18+

Summary: Eddie gets a little too drunk after a gig and is a menace to Steve as he tries to take care of him.

Warnings: Drunk Eddie, wedgies, sexual content, mediocre writing.

Word Count: 1138

A/N: I haven’t written any male stories in so long so if this is bad I’m so sorry!! I'm very excited to start writing again though.

Eddie was a little drunk, Corroded Coffin had their biggest crowd yet at The Hideout and he had to celebrate. However, he may have celebrated a little too hard, he was one too many shots deep when Steve had to drag him away from trying to play another song. His arm slung around Eddie’s waist as he hauls him away from the stage, practically acting as security for The Hideout.

“C’mon Stevie, they loved me! Just one more!” Eddie pleads, slurring his words slightly. His cheeks are flush and he tries, and fails, to make his way back onto the stage. He tries to make a break for it but Steve just grabs him tighter.

“Eddie, your band is already gone! As great as you are, I doubt these people need an encore right now!” Steve argues, dragging Eddie to the door with ease. The sight is ridiculous, Steve in his preppy polo shirt dragging Eddie, his belly button piercing and hip tattoos on display thanks to his low rise jeans and cropped tank top.

“Stevie baby, they looooove me,” Eddie giggles, grabbing Steve’s face in his hands, squishing his cheeks. 

Steve rolls his eyes and pulls Eddie's hand off his face. He finally gets Eddie out the door, “They did earlier, I doubt they’ll love you when you’re drunk off your ass trying to slur your way through another Dio song. Trust me you’re better when you’re sober.” 

“Shut up! I’m great when I’m drunk!” Eddie begins mumbling the lyrics to Eat Your Heart Out by Dio, slurring his way through it just like Steve said he would. His theatrical hand movements that he always makes while he sings make it a little more difficult for Steve to wrangle him but he’s definitely dealt with worse before. 

Robin was way worse after the class graduation party, he had never been covered in so much puke in his life. As it turns out if you put your drunk best friend over your shoulder to carry her out to your car then she will in fact puke down your back! He’s still slightly traumatized from that. 

“Steve, don't you just love my singing? I bet I could make it big time,” Eddie giggles, knocking his head into Steve’s shoulder.

“Your singing is great Eds, I know you’ll make it big time. But right now why don’t you focus on helping me get you into the car so we can get you home safe? Can you do that for me?”

“Hmm what do I get out of it?” Eddie asks, smiling mischievously up at Steve.

“You get home safely and you don’t end up getting banned from the only bar that lets you play right now. That sounds pretty nice if you ask me,” Steve says, trying to convince Eddie to behave.

“Yeah, yeah, sounds nice Steve,” Eddie mumbles, starting to cooperate with Steve.

Steve unlocks the van and helps Eddie into the passenger seat, “Such a gentleman,” Eddie giggles.

Steve chuckles and gets into the drivers side, he looks over at Eddie who is digging through his tapes to find something to put on, “Hey, put your seatbelt on, we get pulled over enough in this thing as it is.” 

“Whatever you say, dad,” Eddie says sarcastically, buckling up and continuing to dig through his tapes.

Steve starts up the van and starts on the way to Eddie's trailer. Eddie finally finds a tape to listen to and puts on Songs The Lord Taught Us by The Cramps. He turns the volume up way too loud and sings ever louder, causing Steve to turn the volume all the way down. “Eddie, what the hell?! I’m trying to drive, are you trying to scare the shit out of me or something?” He yells.

“Oh come on Steve, I just wanna listen to some good music,” Eddie pouts.

“Just listen to it a little bit quieter man!”

“Fine, fine…”

Eddie is respectful for the rest of the ride, listening to the music and singing along much quieter.

Once they arrive back at Eddie’s trailer Eddie hops out of the van, almost eating shit on the gravel of his driveway. He runs towards the door, waiting for Steve to hurry up and lock up the van and unlock the door. “Come on Stevie, I need to piss!” Steve throws Eddie the house keys and locks up the van. Eddie runs inside and heads straight for the bathroom.

Steve comes inside and locks up, he heads to Eddie’s room and starts to change his clothes, he strips off his shirt and jeans, grabbing a pair of Eddie's sweatpants to wear for the night. He’s bent over and slipping on the sweatpants when Eddie dashes up behind him and giggles.

“Tighty whities, really Harrington?” Eddie teases.

Before Steve can even think of a response Eddie grabs Steve's waistband, curling his fingers around the band and pulling up hard. The white cotton shoots up, lodging itself between his cheeks. Steve’s eyes screw shut and his cheeks go red, before he can stop himself he lets out a soft moan. 

Eddie freezes, still holding Steve’s waistband in his hands. He doesn’t know what to say or what to do. Steve is in full panic mode, his pants are down and his underwear is stuck between his cheeks, and he just moaned from a goddamn wedgie.

“D-Did you just-” 

“Shut up.”

Eddie bites his lip and tugs at Steve’s waistband again, forcing the fabric further up his ass. This time Steve whines pathetically, he can feel himself getting hard no matter how much he tries to fight it. He’s imagining all the worst things he can to try and make it go away but it’s no use.

“You like this don’t you, Stevie?” Eddie teases.

“S-Shut up…please…”

“Make me, wedgie boy,” Eddie laughs.

Steve doesn’t bother hiding his arousal now, groaning, “Fuck…”

Eddie laughs, “This gets you off doesn’t it? So fucking ironic, you used to be King Steve, your friends would go around terrorizing people, giving them wedgies but you just watched. Bet you wished it was you getting the wedgies, huh?”

“I-I-” Steve has no idea how to respond, nobody was ever supposed to find out that he liked this. It was supposed to stay between him and his underwear drawer. 

Eddie pulls one more time before shoving Steve onto his bed, face first. “I’m gonna remember this for later, Stevie. For now why don’t you pick your tighty whities out of your ass...nerd,” He mocks.

Steve has never felt more embarrassed and turned on in his life, his cock is hard and his face is flush. “Can you take care of my other problem, Eds?” Steve asks, nodding down towards his hard on.

“I guess I could show you some pity, wedgie boy.”

[random-imagines-blog]

Imagine being a magical girl dating Wade Wilson.

The fight had started to grow more intense. These thugs - they weren’t using guns but they had all manner of other weapons. One was coming towards you and Wade with a flamethrower. Where does someone even get a flamethrower in the middle of a city? Weren’t there rules and regulations on that? Your knives and fighting skills were somewhat helpful but - shit. You were going to have to transform, weren’t you? This was the last thing that you wanted to do in front of Wade. You looked to see him skipping off to go and fight some large guy, so you ducked the other way behind a car. Unfortunately, he saw you.

“Y/N, what are ya doing? The bad guys are this way-” He stopped, pointing in front of him.

“Look away, Wade.”

“Why? Oh - are the chimichangas hitting you now? You gonna pull a Bridesmaids and go in the street? That’s nasty.”

“I mean it! Look - away - now!” You gritted your teeth, and the muttered the magic words beneath your breath. God, this was embarrassing. You could feel Wade looking at you. You should have distracted him, told him that Colossus’s ass was on display in another direction. Now you had an audience.

Bright light surrounded your body. A wind blew out of nowhere, blowing your hair back and up into pigtails. Like you were a child. Your rather form fitting outfit of camo pants and a tank top changed into a ruffled black and red dress, all frills and bows and corsets. A choker with lace appeared on your neck. Gloves that went from wrist to above your elbow and swelled with volume. And to top it off - the damn platform shoes.

The wind died away and there you were, now holding a magical gun rather than your knives. You looked over your shoulder to see Wade still staring at you - along with most of the thugs. “What - haven’t you ever watched Sailor Moon? Magical girl transformation? Hellllo?”

“You look like you got bit by a radioactive power puff girl,” Wade stated.

“Just shut up and help me get these guys. My feet are going to be killing me in about five minutes.”

“Yes y/n-chan! I’ll do anything you ask!” He shot off once more with a giggle before turning back to the perps. “Not sure she should be calling herself a magical girl, she’s definitely over twenty-”

“WADE. FOCUS.”

“Wanna blow some of that wind over my way? Maybe a dress like that would take care of my wedgie problem-”

“I hate you.”

Requested by: Anonymous

[waywardangel-wilds]

I'm working on this scene for my WIP and idk if I like it??? is it any good??

The bedroom was imbued in darkness when I returned. My fingertips lingered on the doorway as I dawdled at the threshold, my gaze fixated upon the windows. The blackout setting was on, blocking out the cityscape among us. I knew there was a party beyond them. The city, alight with eager bodies, dancing and singing and drinking on possibly the last night of my life. The city, just on the other side of those walls, and us, within them without anywhere to go.

“Katniss?” he murmured into the dark. “Come to bed.”

I tore my gaze away from my own musings and stared into the darkness where I knew the bed awaited. I had no illusions about sleeping that night. It would have been impossible to find any semblance of peace, under the circumstances.

I took one step after the other, putting a knee up on the mattress once I found it, I crawled across the cool sheets until I found my bed mate. I came to rest close to him, my head finding its usual spot on his chest, right where I could listen to his heart at its loudest. It lulled me to calmness with its securitizing sounds of rushing blood, the music of life.

“Peeta?” I whispered into the stillness.

“Yeah?”

“Tell me a story?” I asked. “Something happy.”

“Something happy,” he echoed, and I closed my eyes at the rumble in my ear. “You know all my happy stories. You were there.”

“Tell me one anyway.”

“Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Oh, I broke Bannock’s arm once.”

I frowned with confusion over the smile in his voice, “and this is a good thing?”

“It was funny.” He shifted to his side, bringing his face closer to me. “I think I was eight.”

“How’d you manage that?”

“We were... Well, he was being an asshole actually.” He laughed a little. “I don’t remember why but he was pissed. Probably some dumb reason, I used to tell people his secrets for fun. Just little brother stuff, you know? Anyway, he used to get annoyed with me a lot ‘cause I was ‘ruining everything,’ or whatever.”

“That doesn’t sound like you,” I objected.

“Oh, I’m a different person when it’s just my brothers and me.” He snickered.

“Anyway, he’d been chasing me around the house. I was small enough back then that I was hard to catch. Mom wasn’t home, or she would have beat the crap out of us for running inside.” He still sounded like he was smiling. “Anyway, he chased me out into the stairs. I was fighting him with all I had ‘cause I didn’t want to end up with another wedgie, but the stairs aren’t all that big, so when he tried to grab me, I jumped back and he tripped. He fell down the stairs and took me with him.” He was snickering. “Problem was that I was kinda pudgy back then, so when I landed on top of his arm, I broke it good.”

“That’s awful!”

“No, no, it made the coolest sound.” Peeta insisted, “I swear it crunched. It was awesome. Also, no wedgie. Oh, and I got to make fun of him for weeks after that.”

“That’s so gross. Poor Bannock!” I insisted.

[pin-crusher2000]

1) Scenario: Due to some time travel shenanigans, Robin!Dick travels forward in time and he runs into Mar’i and Jake while they were on a case together. How do you think it goes from there? 

2) Who are Chris, Jon and Jake’s favorite anime characters?

3) Can you see Chris and Jai challenging each other to a race and like Barry Allen, Jai holding back his true speed extensively?

4) Is Zod Chris’ Archnemesis in Earth 66?

5) the following you may ignore if it makes you uncomfortable;

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest,

How sensitive to tickle attacks are Mar’i, Chris, Jon and Jake?

Good questions! (1 & 4 is gonna be long XD)

Before I answer #1 I want to do some background info: After Time Commander (Super-Sons villain) got humiliated & jailed by Jake, Mar’i & Nightwing (mar’i burned his outfit leaving him naked & Jake gave him a wedgie). He busted out after a week & went back in time to make sure the kids weren’t born by killing Nightwing. (Note: Nightwing & Starfire went on a honeymoon, so it’s just Jake & mar’i by themselves for a few days). Time Commander (John Starr) found a newly trained Robin roaming the streets for a test for Batman. But the kid was tougher than he looks, Starr had a sore jaw & a sore crotch & both fell into a portal going back to the future & he ran away to rethink strategy. Robin (Dick Grayson) tried to find him but instead found two twins fighting a group of thugs.

1: Mar’i & Jake were trying to solve the mysterious case of the Tally Mark Slasher (hint hint 😉) (also Jake was wearing a Robin outfit for the giggles) when they met Robin & realize that he was their dad when he was their age & tried their best not to mess up the timeline. So the three of them decided to help each other’s problems & send Robin back to the past. (Without revealing too much info about themselves) After a few hours kicking butt & interrogation thugs, they managed to find the killer himself, frozen in time: Victor Zsasz, & Time Commander himself stealing money (cause reasons XD) the three of them mange to stop Time Commander & put him in handcuffs for the cops. Before Robin leaves back to his time, he has something to ask:

Robin (Dick Grayson): How important is me being Robin?

Jake: really important! hundreds of sidekicks wouldn’t exist without your influence, & all thanks to you, we are able to live because of you, you gave everybody hope! You’re the heart of sidekicks.

Mar’i: yeah, what he said.

The three hugged before Robin goes back to the past…….Victor Zasasz was freed from time freeze & was in handcuffs, confused on why his pants were around his ankles, underwear pulled up from his butthole, & some childish drawings were on him; especially a Robin symbol on his chest. (*wipes sweats on forehead* darn I need a break XD)

2: Chris: Gohan, future trunks, gogeta, broly (dbz), Tokoyami, deku, shoto, Ochaco ( my hero academia), Obito, naruto, Kakashi, mintato, sasuke (Naruto)

Jon: Goku, (canon) goten, gotenks, gogeta, future trunks, hit. (DB) naruto (canon) sasuke, itachi, rock Lee (naruto) izuku, bakugo, all-might, shoto, (MHA) Luffy, ace, sabo, zoro, & chopper (one piece).

Jake: goku, gohan, vegito, cabba, broly. (Dbz) naruto, itachi, pain, (naruto) izuku, dabi, twice, all-might (MHA) luffy, sanji, chopper (One Piece).

3: yup XD & when Jai decided to use his speed full power he decides to taunt Chris either: pulling down his lower eyelid & sticks tongue out, gives the middle finger(s), show his bare butt & spanks it (maybe kisses his hand first) or saying meep meep! & speeds off leaving Chris in the dust.

4: yes, but as a one off villain, let me explain: I do like the idea of zod escaping from the Phantom Zone years later instead of a few days (great idea bud) but instead of joining zod because of his “background,” Chris was a sleeper agent (in my universe).

When space pirate Amalak (from new earth’s Superman comics) invades earth (when Chris was 12) to hunt down Kryptonians, he accidentally triggers Chris’s “sleeper agent code”: zod. (By telling Chris he looks just like him) days later, at night, Chris sneaks off to the fortress of solitude & frees zod & 30 other kryptonian criminals from the zone, kneeling to them.

The next day, zod & the criminals did an invasion in Metropolis. (As seen in the Last Son book) the superfamily (Clark, Kara, Karen, Kon, Jon 11, & krypto)the justice league, Young Titans, & the special police force with kryptonite weapons defends the city; The only kryptonians left were zod & Chris (Some were taken down non-lethally & the rest killed). After seeing NightStar gets trapped by broken buildings, Chris breaks free from his programming, & unleashed a power nobody ever seen before: Dark Phantom mode.

(In my universe, after a beaten by his dad, Chris was thrown outside the prison where he was born, slowly dying from the pain, when suddenly, a mystical blue dragon called NightWing (who created the zone in my universe; a myth) appeared out of nowhere & went into his body as pure energy to heal him & gave him unique abilities that needed to be unlocked somehow.)

Chris (in the present) with Superman, fought Zod (a less brutal version of the invincible vs conquest fight) & snaps zod’s neck (like man of steel) using his darkness powers to save Superman from being killed. Chris screamed in pain & sadness, being comforted by his “dad” Superman. A fe days later, Superman takes Chris in outer space saying you belong here, you belong. Then, they went back down to earth to their home in Hamilton county & did a big group hug with his “family.”

5: since they’re kids, probably between 8-10; on the feet, stomach, rib cage, & on the thighs when grabbed.

Whew! That took a while. Let me know if you got more questions buddy! :D

[waywardavatarenthusiast]

Sokka has a comfort woman complex towards Azula.

Comfort women/girls are females who were forced into sexual slavery during WWII by Japanese soldiers. Don’t get a wedgie, I am not saying this situation is just the same or even that alike to be honest but what i call a comfort woman complex is when a woman/her authority loses power, men feel comfortable expressing their attraction but only in degrading ways.

Okay…here me out and this is the worst case scenario since i believe in them as a healthy ship, but if you squint you can see search!sokka with what i’m gonna call a “comfort woman complex” towards azula. the scenes in DOBS were meant to indicate some sort of attraction between the two (this is a fact because i found the captioned storyboards for the episode, no i won’t pull them up again), and this lays the foundation for this theory to be plausible. Now, how is this attraction expressed? Sokka threatens Azula completely out of the blue twice in the search and tries to insinuate that she’s a monster several times. Suki, Mai, and Ty Lee have also had this attitude towards azula in the comics but on the trip for Ursa specifically, Sokka is the only one with that mindset. and there’s an exact reason why: he has by far the least chance of fighting her and winning. Zuko even tells him to leave her to the benders. He even expresses excitement when Azula is afraid of a spirit behind him but he thinks she’s finally becoming afraid of him. On the other hand, he does attempt to make jokes with her and she even saves his life. these sides of sokka aren’t contrasting however, they’re cohesive. what it means is that Sokka likes/is attracted to/whatever you call it Azula, but is only comfortable around her when he “levels the playing field” by making her afraid of him because he is afraid of her. the trip was an opportunity to him of the sorts to treat her like she belongs in a pile labeled spoils of war.