#he’s got more romantic interests but we’d be here forever and a day if I drew all of them lol

[charmante-mp3]

The Death of Me

Yeosang x m!reader (feat. Yunho, Mingi, and Wooyoung) A bit angsty/lil sprinkle of fluff/suggestive/non-idle au This took me forever to write but here it is, lowkey one of my favorite stupid little pieces I've written.

TW; SUGGESTIVE/CURSING

18+ MINORS DNI 3.0k

---

The rain fell, mixing with the tears flowing from my eyes. After all these years of being by his side, why couldn’t he choose me? He chose her, of course he did. She’s everything I’m not. She’s extravagant, and I am only his best friend. A side character never chosen to be the romantic interest. Then again, I’m nothing like her, I’ve never been a woman and I never will be. 

~

I don’t remember when we met, I just know we’ve always been attached to the hip. Every Sunday was dedicated to dinners with the Kang’s. Which meant Mrs. Kang would come over in the afternoon with Yeosang, we’d run around the house constantly being scolded. Until we got in middle school, those Sundays we now sat in mine or his room now glued to stupid multiplayer video games. Finally, high school when everything changed. I saw things differently, I saw my childhood best friend as something more. A dirty secret I’ve kept for years. Now it’s our final summer break before our last year of high school. 

“Y/N!” I heard the deep voice yell from down stairs. I was barely awake when Yeosang barged in my room, a normal occurrence. 

“Yeosang what are you doing, it’s 9am?” I sat up trying to shrug off the sleep.

“You do remember that even if it’s summer we still have practice,” He stated. I flung myself out of bed.

“Shit,” I muttered rustling around my room to find my gear. I met Yeosang downstairs, and we booked it to school. 

After many drills and a practice game I slumped myself on the ground. Grabbing my water, my eyes flung over to an approaching Yeosang. Who was in the process of wiping his face with his shirt, causing his abs to be shown off to the world. Averting my eyes quickly, I chugged down most of the water in the bottle. I tried to shove every thought I just had to the back of my brain when he sat beside me.

“How’s it feel to finally be captain?” He said while propping his elbow on my shoulder. My heartbeat had begun pounding in my ears.

“A little weird,” I said, my voice raspy. I saw Yeosang’s eyes widen a bit, yet I had no idea why.

“Remember when you swore up and down you would be soccer captain one day? Guess you weren’t lying,” His deep chuckle rang in my ears.

“Yeah I do,” I shrugged his arm off as subtly as possible, which didn’t work at the slight offense glazed over his face.

“I think I’m gonna head home this shirt is sticking to my back,”

~

My brain had been playing tricks on me the past few days leading up to school starting once more. I thought I would see Yeosang’s gaze linger a little longer and softer. It definitely changed my mind when he started talking to this girl.

“She said yes, I’m taking her on a date!” He exclaimed. I could feel the emotional pain rip through my body. Her name was Rose, Yeosang had spoken so highly of her for two weeks.

“That’s great, Sang. But do you mind I have a bit to do,” I trailed off trying to make an excuse.

“Like what?” He said, confused. I was trying to find a lie and didn’t notice him come lean over my shoulder. 

“I don’t feel well!” I blurted out as I noticed his presence lean over me, trying to glance at my laptop. Which I abruptly closed soon after. 

“Y/n?” 

“Don’t ask Yeosang, go about your day,” This was not how you planned to come out to your lifelong best friend.

“Are you helping Mingi?” He asked dead serious. I couldn’t help the overwhelming urge to facepalm.

“God Yeosang, your density will forever be my favorite thing about you,” I chuckled, “Why would I help Mingi when everyone already knows?” I continued glancing over just to see his eyes widen. 

“Is it Hongjoong?” 

“Christ Yeosang, it’s me!” 

“Oh,” It suddenly got really quiet, which made anxiety creep up my veins. He began to speak again but I didn’t let him.

“Alright Yeosang, go enjoy your date I’m sure Hongjoong would absolutely love to dress you up! Bye,” I said, shoving him out of my room just to slam the door in his face. I pushed my weight against it, feeling the tears prick my eyes. It was time to call Wooyoung.

~

“He literally only said ‘oh’,” Wooyoung’s face dropped in annoyance. 

“Yup! Right after exclaiming his date with a girl. I didn’t even know he liked anyone,” I explained the situation that happened just half an hour ago. 

“I didn’t either,” He trailed off.

“I don’t believe it, you two have been pining at each other since the beginning of the semester,” San pitched in, walking up behind Wooyoung.

“San where the fuck did you come from?” I questioned more at Wooyoung. 

“He’s been here the entire time,” Wooyoung admitted and my eyes flew open to glare at my gossip buddy. 

“Literally everyone knows about your crush, you make it so painfully obvious,” San says, retreating away from the camera.

“Except for Yeosang apparently,” Wooyoung added.

“You’re an ass,” 

~

Graduation had come and gone and with that college started. By some curse or straight luck, Yeosang and myself had gotten a soccer scholarship to the same school. This meant you also roomed with him in a college dorm and with that he became aware of the growing distance between you two. However, you did obtain two new friends that were undeniably flirty as fuck, Mingi and Yunho.

“Yeosang for the millionth time you’ve done nothing I’m just busy,” You said walking away from the blonde headed man. 

“Too busy to go to Wooyoung’s party tomorrow?” I stopped in my tracks. Wooyoung’s parties were something I did really enjoy, simply because you never knew what it would consist of. 

“We’ll see,” I said before stepping into my class, leaving him in the halls.

~

Part of me didn’t want to go knowing Rose and Yeosang would be attached to the hip, but I ended up at Wooyoung’s house, seated in between Mingi and Yunho. 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her hookup with someone at my university,” Mingi said. Both of them had their eyes trained on Yeosang and his girlfriend as I tried my best to ignore it by taking a drink of the cheap shit in my hand. 

“You should hook up with us to get your mind off of it,” Yunho stated, causing all of what I drank to be spit right back out. I expected them to laugh and shrug it off while I was coughing up my lungs, but they didn’t.

“You’re not being serious,”

“He’s being dead serious,” Mingi said to my left. 

“What the fuck,” I muttered.

“What you’re hot! Most of us would fuck you given the chance,” Gesturing to literally everyone in the room.

“Except for Yeosang apparently,” Wooyoung said, coming up just to plop himself into my lap.

“Oh fuck off you three,” I threw my head into Wooyoungs’ shoulder.

“I don’t understand why Yeosang has all your attention,” Yunho said, shoving his head in your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. As he said that my eyes flicked over to Yeosang who was already looking this way. His eyes widened along with mine as Wooyoung turned himself around in my lap. 

“I have a really funny plan,” Wooyoung said, his face inches from mine.

“We’ve already had this plan,” Mingi said, following Yunho steps in shoving himself in my neck.

“What fucking plan,” I said. I could feel the heat of embarrassment grow up my neck.

“We’re just gonna give Yeosang a little push,” Wooyoung cackled out. He draped his arms over my shoulder. I could tell they were a little tipsy.

“Just let us kiss and feel you up and you’ll see what we see,” Mingi said in my ear.

“We won’t actually fuck you, unless you want it of course,” Yunho said. 

“You three are going to give me a heart attack. Honestly whatever, I do need a little distraction,” I said, tilting my head on Yunho. Apparently that was enough from all three of them. I could feel Mingis’ hand wandering to my thigh, Yunhos’ teeth scraping my neck, and Wooyoung slightly move around in my lap. The sensations caused a grunt to rip through my vocals. My eyes couldn’t help but wander to Yeosang over Wooyoungs’ shoulder. I thought I saw a glint of anger in his eyes, but I wasn’t able to look long enough as Wooyoung gripped my chin.

“Come on Y/n, play with us,” He said before clashing his lips with mine. Wooyoung continued to wiggle around slightly in my lap and I could feel the blood rush below me.

“Fuck,” was the first thing that left my mouth as he detached himself from me. My hands quickly found Wooyoungs’ hips to actually ground myself. 

“You know, Yeosangs’ got heavy eyes on us,” Mingi said.

“He’s gripping his cup so hard I’m surprised it hasn’t broken,” Yunho added.

“Along with the hundred eyes that are around, I think Yeosang is the last person on his mind,” Wooyoung said, still breathless.

“It’s unfortunate for him really. Y/n’s lips are the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted,” Wooyoung flirted sitting up straight now.

“I want a taste,” I heard Yunho grumble to my right, soon followed by hands gripping my chin. Yunho’s teeth clashed with mine and I gripped Wooyoungs’ hips harder as Mingi attacked my neck. I could feel the harsh bites and sucks that he littered from my jaw to my shoulder. I ripped myself away from Yunho as Wooyoung grinded harsher in my lap.

“Holy shit,” I said loudly, almost forgetting the crowd of others. 

“As much as I think Yeosang’s enjoying the show, I’m not much of an exhibitionist,” Mingi said, pulling himself away from me. I caught a glimpse of Yeosang approaching us, my heart started to pound in my chest.

“Oh? Are we getting company?” Yunho stated eyes subtly looking at the scene in front of him. Yeosang was a few steps away when his girlfriend ran over engulfing him in her arms. 

“That’s enough for me,” I said, grabbing Wooyoung and lifting him up. 

“You coming?” Wooyoung asked Mingi and Yunho over my shoulder.

“Hell yeah we are,” However, we didn’t get very far as a hand roughly grabbed my wrist.

“I wanna go home,”

~

It was 4am when I arrived back at my shared apartment with Yeosang.

“You enjoyed the party huh?” Was the first thing he said after closing the door. 

“Yeah, could’ve been more interesting,” I said with my eyebrow raised.

“Is that why you’ve been ignoring me? Didn’t want those three to think I was fucking you too?” That caught me off guard.

“Yeosang what the hell?” He started ranting about who knows what as I drowned him out. “Yeosang! There’s no reason for you to be this pissed about it!” I interrupted his rant. He did nothing but stare at me with a harsh glaze. After a few seconds of silence he walked off towards his room, followed by a slight slam of his door. 

The past few days consisted of Yeosang and I completely avoiding each other, which was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be. Walking along the street, towards one of my favorite cafes, my mood was soured by the sight in the window. It was Rose and Yeosang, chatting and looking as happy as ever. 

‘He’d be perfectly fine without me in his life’ the thought crossed my mind more than once these past weeks. I could feel the familiar sting of tears as the words replayed in my head. A drop of cold water hit my head making everything ten times better. The rain fell harder and so did my tears, I started walking away oblivious to the eyes trained on my figure.

~

“So you’re gonna change schools just because of a boy?” Seonghwa, my older friend asked. 

“Why not, I’ve got others dying to have a pro soccer player,” I muttered out, my laptop displaying my options.

“He hasn’t even contacted me Seonghwa, it would be easier on both of us if I just dwindled out of his life,” I said, slamming the device shut. 

“So, you’re gonna find a whole new roommate too?” That was one question I hadn’t thought about just yet. 

“Don’t go to Wooyoung, that'd be a horrible idea,” Seonghwa said before I could even get the suggestion out of my mouth. My next suggestion got cut short as my phone rang through the air. Speaking of the devil Wooyoung was calling me, I couldn’t even say hello when I answered.

“I told Yeosang where you were hiding out,” 

“Wooyoung you dick,” My mind raced trying to find out why he even wanted to know.

“Are you an idiot or did you mute his messages,” Wooyoung asked, knowing I swore up and down he hasn’t contacted me. My face fell as I checked any messages from Yeosang. I had at least twenty messages asking where I was, if I was okay, he was sorry, and we needed to talk. If your heart could fall to your toes, that’s where mine would be. A loud knock echoed through the house and Wooyoung abruptly hung up.

“You can handle this, I'm out,” Seonghwa said as he opened the door.

“Seonghwa you bitch,” I muttered out as he walked to a different room. Yeosang slowly rounded the corner, he looked as if he’d been through hell and back.

“Fuck Yeosang what happened?” I jumped up to his side, completely forgetting my dilemma.

“Why are you hiding here? I know what I said was out of line but running isn’t your thing,” His voice was hoarse. 

“Let’s not have this conversation in Seonghwa’s living room,” I said. I gathered my stuff, told Seonghwa we’re out, and led Yeosang back to our shared apartment.

~

“You’re not getting that answer,” I told him as he kept asking why I was avoiding him.

“Rose cheated, and you weren’t here. I think I deserve to know why,” I heard his voice crack along with my heart. I felt horrible even if I was in love with him, but I was still his best friend and I left him in a hard spot.

“Yeosang, that’s even more reason not to tell you. I’ll make you tea and once you get over her, I’ll tell you about it,” I said getting up from my spot.

“What if I was already over her?” I barely heard behind me as well as slight movement. I turned and noticed he was following him to the kitchen and I let him.

“Crying over a girl doesn’t make you weak Sangie,” I heard a sigh of relief as he sat at our kitchen island.

“I was more upset at the fact you weren’t here,” He said words that only made me grow softer for him.

“Yeosang you don’t realize how much you’re killing me,” I said out loud, I didn’t mean to it just flew out before I could think.

“What do you mean?” I could hear his voice crack again. I swung my head around and could see tears beginning to cloud his eyes. I muttered out a curse and decided to throw all dignity out the window. Wrapping my hands around him I pulled him into my chest as he shook with silent sobs.

“Sangie, I’ve been in love with you since high school. These stupid feelings are hurting both of us, so I needed to distance myself or drop out of your life completely,” I finally confessed. His hands around my waist crumbled up my shirt and I let my own tears flow out. However, his sobs came to an abrupt stop.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I almost didn’t hear him as he pulled me closer into him. I stayed silent for a while as the inner panic got worse. Suddenly, he stood up pushing me back a little as his head was still tucked into my chest. I would be surprised if he couldn’t hear the rapid beating of my heart. Making it worse, he softly shoved me back at arm's length. His eyes dead set on mine and I could see the remnants of tears all over his face. His push didn’t do much as he got closer, our faces just inches apart

“Yeosang, whatcha doing?” I whispered. We stood there for what felt like hours, in reality it was probably only a few seconds. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I was already over her,” He said. I was about to ask why that was when the most unexpected thing happened. My eyes widened as Yeosang pulled me in for a rough kiss. I tensed up and he began pulling away when I realized what was happening. Pulling him back in, I kissed him as if it was the last thing I’d ever do. I heard a slight moan come from him, which went straight to my groin. 

“Can you choose me over Wooyoung now?” 

“I already have,”

~

I was blasted awake by the loud ringing of my phone. Wooyoung was once again calling me.

“Why do you call me at the stupidest fucking times?” I asked, thoughts of last night ran through my head and I had convinced myself it was a dream.

“Did you finally fess up to Yeosang?” I rolled my eyes at him. I was about to respond when hands slowly wrapped around my waist. 

“Yeah he did, now shut the fuck up so we can sleep,” I heard the unmistakable deep voice close in my ears. 

“Holy shit it wasn’t a dream,” I heard Wooyoung’s hyena cackle mixed with Yeosang’s low chuckle. With that Wooyoung left us and I turned over to face my best friend of so many years. He definitely wasn’t fully awake, I wasn’t really either until I took notice of the state we were in.

“You really will be the death of me,”

[theartofdreaming1]

Katniss, bravely stepping inbetween Gale and Thread (and his whip) - she’s so courageous and protective, she deserves the world 😭

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and (many) random thoughts on chapters 7-9 are below the cut. (Is it just me, or are my notes getting longer and longer with each and every post? I swear, this book is so meaty, we’ll soon reach the point where I have to type out the entire chapter, with my thoughts in the margins)

heart

“Gale is mine. I am his. Anything else in unthinkable.” 

I think these words are a result of Katniss being so afraid of losing Gale that she’s kinda overcompensating; their relationship has been strained these past few months and they’d just had a row, separating from each other on bad terms - and the next time she sees him, he’s been whipped so bad that he’s lost consciousness and could be potentially dying from his wounds. Of course she’s so terrified of losing him, that she’s holding on as tightly as she can to him. It’s important to keep in mind how important their relationship is to her and we see that in her preceding thoughts: What a pair we were - fatherless, frightened, but fiercely commited, too, to keeping our families alive. Desperate, yet no longer alone after that day, because we’d found each other. I think of a hundred moments in the woods, lazy afternoons fishing, the day I taught him to swim, that time I twisted my knee and he carried me home. Mutually counting each other, watching each other’s backs, forcing each other to be brave. - Gale was the first person who was her equal, a kindred spirit, her partner. After Katniss had lost both of her parents when her father died and her mother succumbed to her depression - the people who were supposed to care for her and guide her through growing up - she was stuck with the role of sole provider and protector of her family at age eleven. She must have been so lonely all this time until she met this boy who understood what she was going through and they learned from each other and shouldered their burdens together, to take off some of the overwhelming pressure. Of course that relationship, of course Gale is important to her. But also now their relationship has become more fragile, after the Games they are in danger of growing apart - it’s got to be so terrifying to feel like the one proper, mutual relationship you’ve had seems to be slipping through your fingers. With everything that’s going on, her entire life as it is teetering on the razor’s edge (heck, the president himself has been threatening her and her family!), it’s no wonder that Katniss is craving that familiarity and safety that her relationship with Gale used to provide her with. And seeing Gale in this state just has her holding on to him more tightly than ever.

mind

Hmm, no big moment is coming to my mind right now; I think I’m always most impressed by the tiny moments that show how tenacious, resilient and fiercely kind humans can be - like Darius stepping forward to stop Gale’s cruel punishment, Leevy volunteering to tell Hazelle about Gale and promising to stay with the Hawthorne children, Madge bringing the morphling, Katniss pressing Darius’s hand in the Training Center, Twill taking Bonnie with her to flee to D13 and so on.

soul

I believe that Katniss was honestly surprised to learn that Gale had feelings for her; she had categorically shut down the idea of entering a romantic relationship for herself, so I don’t think she’d seriously consider anyone being romantically interested in her in return (that’s not how that works, of course, but I think that’s how she perceived the whole shtick). Their kiss threw her completely for a loop and if anything, she mostly saw it as something that contributed to the deterioration of their previous, easy and comfortable relationship.

Chapter 7

A mockingjay is a creature the Capitol never intended to exist. [...] They hadn’t anticipated its will to live. - In a way, the Capitol continues to make this mistake with the people living in the districts, too - underestimating their will to live (opposed to just surviving)

I look in his [Gale’s] eyes. His temper can’t quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever. - Okay, we don’t know how much Katniss might be (incorrectly) presuming here, but the idea that Gale might feel betrayal because his best friend is being forced into an engagement pisses me off. It’s fine if he’s feeling jealous because she’s being paired off with Peeta when he wishes he could have a shot with her, but how in the world does this even rate as a betrayal?! A) It’s done against her will and B) Just because they’re friends doesn’t mean Katniss owes him anything when we’re talking about romantic feelings... Ugh 😒 Also, it’s quite noteworthy how insecure Katniss feels about their relationship - she’s constantly worried Gale will drop her and their friendship (waiting for Gale after the camera teams left after winning the Games: I’d begun to think that he’d given up on me in the weeks that had passed.- Ch. 2) and it doesn’t help that she’s been through that extreme, traumatic experience without him and they haven’t had much opportunity to spend a lot of time with each other (with the Victory Tour and Gale having to work so much) and when they do hang out, they don’t seem to really talk much, which doesn’t exactly help...

He [Gale] tosses the gloves on my lap. “Here. I don’t want your fiancé’s old gloves.” “He’s not my fiancé. That’s just part of the act. And these aren’t his gloves. They were Cinna’s,” I say. “Give them back, then, he says. - Gale can be so petty sometimes 🙄

While I talk, [...] [Gale] occupies himself with turning the food in the leather bag into a meal for us. Toasting bread and cheese, coring apples, placing chestnuts in the fire to roast. I watch his hands, his beautiful, capable fingers. Scarred, as mine were before the Captiol erased all marks from my skin, but strong and deft. [...] Hands I trust. - Oh boy, this moment really shows how these two are at cross purposes right now - Gale’s prepping the food as you would for a toasting (romantic connotation), while Katniss is oberserving his hands, thinking how their hands used to match (not anymore!) and basically wishing herself back into the time before the Games, when things were ‘simpler’/more clearly defined (and also platonic!); there is nothing romantic from her P.O.V. - it’s all about the friendship and trust

[Gale] steps in and I feel myself lifted off the ground. The room spins, and I have to lock my arms around Gale’s neck to brace myself. He’s laughing, happy. “Hey!” I protest, but I’m laughing, too. Gale sets me down but doesn’t release his hold on me. “Okay, let’s run away.” [...] “You’re sure?” I say. [...] “I’m sure. I’m completely, entirely, one hundred percent sure.” - Yeah, and I’m sure you’re not going to change your opinion in the next five minutes, Gale... In his defense, Gale didn’t know all the details, so in that regard it’s totally valid that he might decide to change his mind after having more input... It’s just that Katniss specifically asks him whether he’s sure and his reply is so full of conviction (100% sure!), only for him to do a complete 180 just a couple of minutes later; Gale’s very hot and cold, which makes for such a harsh contrast when compared to Peeta’s more measured reaction later in the chapter

He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. [...] I don’t try to move away. Why should I, anyway? His voice drops to a whisper. “I love you.” That’s why. - Oh man, Katniss just can’t catch a break 😞 Really not wise of Gale to drop the L-bomb here (after, what? a kiss they never talked about and little else... their communication is truly abysmal and it’s really damaging to their relationship, hurting the both of them)

“Gale, I can’t think about anyone that way now. All I can think about, every day, is how afraid I am. And there doesn’t seem to be room for anything else. If we could get somewhere safe, maybe I could be different. I don’t know.” I can see him swallowing his disappointment. “So, we’ll go. We’ll find out.” - I mean, honestly, I totally understand where Katniss is coming from - she doesn’t need a romantic interest, she needs a partner, which is why she’s been so eager to talk to her hunting partner, someone she’s used to rely on for survival and now he’s also confounding their relationship by introducing that romance-angle (as if it wasn’t bad enough that her relationship with Peeta got kind of messed up when that same angle was forced upon them prematurely)... Also, telling how Katniss thinks she’d have to be different to maybe even consider a romantic relationship with Gale - Katniss as she is right now just can’t see herself wanting to be with Gale romantically; it would require a change... I’ve got to give Gale credit for still going along with it, and trying to push past his disappointment, though

“My [Gale’s] mother is going to take some convincing.” [...] “Mine, too. I’ll just have to make her see reason. Take her for a long walk. Make sure she understands we won’t survive the alternative.” “She’ll understand. I watched a lot of the Games with her and Prim. She won’t say no to you,” says Gale. - That’s interesting, I wonder what exactly Gale means by that? That Mrs. Everdeen won’t say no to Katniss because she feels guilty that Katniss had to go through the Games or because watching her daughter compete in the Games really made her realize how messed up Panem is? Or that she’s more inclined to trust Katniss’s judgement after everything that has happened?

“Haymitch will be the real challenge.” “Haymitch?” Gale abandons the chestnuts. “You’re asking him to come with us?” “I have to, Gale. I can’t leave him and Peeta because they’d-” His scowl cuts me off. “What?” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how large our party was,” he snaps at me. - Gale doesn’t seem to have realized how close and important Peeta and Haymitch have become to Katniss... maybe because they never properly talked about this aspect of Katniss’s life (I swear, their shoddy communication must account for at least half of the damage their relationship has taken in these past few months alone)

“What if he [Peeta] decides to stay?” he [Gale] asks. I try to sound indifferent, but my voice cracks. “Then he stays.” “You’d leave him behind?” Gale asks. “To save Prim and my mother, yes,” I answer. “I mean, no! I’ll get him to come.” “And me, would you leave me?” Gale’s expression is rock hard now. - Boy, oh boy! I think Gale knows (like Peeta) that Katniss could never leave behind the people she cares about; then, he’s kind of gauging whether Peeta has already received the Katniss Everdeen Stamp of ‘Caring’ - and, as it turns out, he has! And then Gale ends up making it into a bit of  competition by asking her whether she would leave him behind (or, alternately, her turning him down has him confused about the depth of their relationship, I dunno); not fun

“There’s an uprising in Eight?” he [Gale] says in a hushed voice. I try to backpedal. To defuse him, as I tried to defuse the districts. - Katniss is going to be about as successful as she’d been at defusing the districts, too - But here we have another example of Katniss trying to rein in Gale’s temper because she’s afraid he’s going to get himself in trouble (like when she decided not to tell him about Snow’s visit to her house because she was worried what he’d do with that information)... It’s really not great that she feels the need to censor herself so he won’t do something dangerous... Katniss knows first-hand how badly impulsive actions and decisions can be received in the Capitol - and she never even meant for a rebellion to happen!

“And it’s my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would’ve happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe. too.” “Safe to do what?” he says in a gentler tone. “Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven’t hurt people - you’ve given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. - Katniss is taking all the responsibility upon herself again... Gale is right to point out that she was merely a catalyst, not the cause for the rebellion - the cause are the awful living conditions of the people in the districts

“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they’re not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people - they mean less than nothing to them!” I say. “That’s why we have to join the fight!” he answers harshly. “No! we have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!” [...] “You leave, then, I’d never go in a million years.” [...] “What about your family?” “What about the other families, Katniss? The ones who can’t run away?” - This discourse is so painful because they are both right - Katniss has seen more of the districts and how things are handled beyond the (relatively tame) confines of D12 and it’s fair that she wants to know that the people she cares about are safe from harm; Gale, of course, has a point commenting that not everyone has that opportunity and the only way to have a long-lasting, wide-spread improvement of their conditions is through rebelling against their oppressor - but that will inevitably come along with sacrifices and collateral damage and it’s easy to say that it will be worth it in the long run, but when those who are hurt/dead could end up being your loved ones, it’s definitely easier said than done

He throws Cinna’s gloves at my feet. “I changed my mind. I don’t want anything they made in the Capitol.” And he’s gone. I look down at the gloves. Anything they made in the Capitol? Was that directed at me? Does he think I am now just another product of the Capitol and therefore something untouchable? The unfairness of it all fills me with rage. But it’s mixed up with fear over what kind of crazy thing he might do next. - Gale getting rid of Cinna’s gloves just because they are from the Capitol is a prime example of this “us vs. them” mindset that he will be (worringly) fast to adopt - of course, perceiving the opposite side as “other” will make it easier to fight against them; however, it’s all too easy to lose sight of your opponent’s humanity when you think like that (think of how Gale has a hard time understanding Katniss’s distress upon seeing her prep team being treated so terribly/inhumanely in D13); Katniss feeling upset that Gale might perceive her as a product of the Capitol instead of its victim is understandable (and isn’t that exactly what the inhabitants of D13 are going to think of Peeta in MJ?) - and yet, she is still worried Gale could get himself into trouble with his impulsivity; she’s a good bean

”Going to town?” I ask. “Yes. I’m supposed to eat dinner with my family,” he [Peeta] says. - I’m tripping over the word ‘supposed’ here - it doesn’t sound like Peeta’s looking forward to hanging out with his fam, although it can’t be that often, since they’ve been away on Victory Tour and he is living alone (maybe the end of the chapter will give us another hint why that is 😒😒)... I can’t help but wonder whether these family dinners are mainly for public perception (in that case... it really is no wonder Peeta is so good at playing the cameras - poor guy had to fool the outside world his entire life) or because they are the only chance for Peeta to hang out with any of the members of his family he might actually want to spend some time with

“Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with me, would you?” Peeta takes my arm, bringing me to a stop. He doesn’t need to check my face to see if I’m serious. “Depends on why you’re asking.” President Snow wasn’t convinced by me. There’s an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out,” I say. “By ‘we’ do you mean just you and me? No. Who else would be going?” he asks. - Peeta doesn’t just blindly agree to Katniss’s proposal; he needs to know what’s going on first (he has been burnt before - no more secrets!) - and it’s a testament to how well he knows her that as soon as he’s asking whether she meant just the two of them, he corrects himself because knows that Katniss would never leave the ones she cares about behind

“What about Gale?” he says. “I don’t know. He might have other plans,” I say. Peeta shakes his head and gives me rueful smile. “I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I’ll go.” I feel a slight twinge of hope. “You will?” “Yeah. But I don’t think for a minute you will,” he says. [...] “Then you don’t know me. Be ready. It could be any time.” - Telling how Peeta immediately agrees to the plan once he gathers that Gale won’t come - he knows that Katniss cares about Gale and could never leave him behind, ergo she’d never actually leave under these circumstances - he knows her so well. Also, Katniss’s reaction is like that of a petulant child, it’s kind of funny 😄

“Katniss, hold up.” [...] “I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won’t be making things worse for everyone.” - Ultimately, Peeta would follow Katniss to the ends of the earth - doesn’t mean that he can’t throw in a sensible suggestion in there as well 😉 (Also, in the next chapter we will see how Katniss, Gale, and Peeta might be a little too inexperienced/naive to be able to form accurate expectations of what is to come - Haymitch and his generation have a little more experience in that regard)

He raises his head. “What’s that?” [...] I haven’t noticed the strange noise coming from the square. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd. “Come on,” Peeta says, his face suddenly hard. I don’t know why. I can’t place the sound, even guess at the situation. But it means something bad to him. - Why does my sweet boy know what a whipping sounds like, Suzanne, huh?! Care to explain that? 😭

Peeta steps up on a crate against the wall of the sweetshop and offers me a hand while he scans the square. I’m halfway up when he suddenly blocks my way. “Get down. Get out of here!” He’s whispering, but his voice is harsh with insistence. - Peeta was offering his hand to help Katniss up the crate because they are a team (and he’s a gentleman)! It’s only when he recognizes who is receiving those lashes and realizes that Katniss will lose her shit once she knows, which could make the current situation even worse, that he urges her to leave, and he is not the only one to think that: - Voices hiss. “Get out of here, girl.” “Only make it worse.” What do you want to do? Get him killed?”

Chapter 8

It’s too late to stop the arm from descending, and I instinctively know I won’t have the power to block it. Instead I throw myself directly between the whip and Gale. I’ve flung out my arms to protext as much of his broken body as possible, so there’s nothing to deflect the lash. I take the full force of it across the left side of my face. - Katniss is so selfless; she knows that it’s either Gale getting hit again or a lash to her own face and she chooses the latter

“Hold it!” a voice barks. Haymitch appears and trips over a Peacekeeper lying on the ground. It’s Darius. [...] He’s knocked out but still breathing. What happened? Did he try to come to Gale’s aid before I got here? - Haymitch sure appeared quickly - I can easily imagine Peeta taking off immediately to get him (or send someone to bring him to the square) once he knew Katniss couldn’t be stopped; but if Haymitch had been at his house in Victor’s Village, there is no way he’d have made that quickly to the square... maybe he was already at the Hob and had gotten wind of the whole situation? Also, poor Darius! Wearing a uniform/being in some sort of position of power is no guarantee you won’t get punished as soon as you show the tiniest glimpse of compassion - in a place like Panem, nobody is safe from the caprice of the people in charge

I see a flicker of recognition in the eyes of the man with the whip. [...] it wouldn’t be easy to identify me as the victor of the last Hunger Games. Especially with half my face swelling up. But Haymitch has been showing up on television for years, and he’d be difficult to forget. - Getting Haymitch truly was the smartest move to make (which is why I’m pretty sure it was a move on Peeta’s part - he’d know how to use reminders of ‘appearances’ to ensure a punishment wouldn’t go ‘too far’, y’know 😢). But also - Thread must have lived under a flipping rock, to not being able to recognizes Katniss (her face must have been plastered all over the place during the Victory Tour, which just had concluded recently) - or he was just too in the heat of the moment, with someone opposing him, bleugh 😒

“He [Gale] was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?” says the man. “He’s her cousin.” Peeta’s got my other arm now, but gently. “And she’s my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us.” - I love how Peeta’s just laying it down as it is; his phrasing just sounds so factual, rather than provocative (although it is, of course); he really has a way with words - Maybe we’re it. The only three people in the district who could make a stand like this. Although it’s sure to be temporary. There will be repercussions. - Haymitch, Peeta, and Katniss working together as a team again! Also, a good example of the effect people with public influence can have 

One [Peacekeeper], a woman named Purnia who eats regularly at Greasy Sae’s, steps forward stiffly. “I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad.” “Is that the standard protocol here?” asks the Head Peacekeeper. “Yes, sir,” Purnia says, and several others nod in agreement. I’m sure none of them actually know because, in the Hob, the standard protocol for someone showing up with a wild turkey is for everybody to bid on the drumsticks. - It’s kinda nice to see the local Peacekeepers supporting Purnia’s claim to get this display to stop - this is the only way out of this situation where Thread’s authority is not openly challenged (and we know Thread doesn’t take well to having his authority challenged - see Darius)

There’s no stretcher, but the old woman at the clothing stall sells us the board that serves as her countertop. “Just don’t tell where you got it,” she says, packing up the rest of her goods quickly. Most of the square has emptied, fear getting the better of compassion. But after what happened, I can’t blame anyone. - It’s sad how that air of intimidation makes people want to mask their acts of compassion (and also says a lot about the precariousness of the existing living situations if that old lady is still selling that board - I’d never even consider exchanging money for that, but that’s probably my privileged situation showing here; Katniss brings up the theme of fear vs compassion - very fitting, since it seems to be her driving force (although, generally, her compassion wins out over her fear) and despite her assertion that fear appears to be getting the better of compassion we see a good amount of people reaching out to help, such as the following example:

Leevy, a girl who lives a few houses down from mine in the Seam, takes my arm. My mother kept her little brother alive last year when he caught the measles. “Need help getting back?” Her gray eyes are scared but determined. - The subtle suggestion here that Leevy might be further motivated to help out because Katniss’s mom helped her little brother is also an excellent example of how kindness breeds kindness

“Get some snow on that,” Haymitch orders over his shoulder. I scoop up a handful of snow and press it against my cheek, numbing a bit of the pain. - This moment reminded me of Peeta immediately reaching for some ice from that fruit tureen after Haymitch hit him on their way to the Games in THG (Ch. 4) - their different immediate reactions to getting hit in the face could simply be due to the fact that Katniss is a little too preoccupied worrying about Gale to think about her injury, of course, but I feel like you could also interpret them as examples for how much experience Katniss and Peeta have with being hit in the face, respectively...

Gale must have gone to Cray’s house, as he’s done a hundred times, knowing Cray pays well for a wild turkey. Instead he found the new Head Peacekeeper, a man they heard someone call Romulus Thread. No one knows what happened to Cray. He was buying white liquor in the Hob just this morning [...] but now he’s nowhere to be found. - As I’ve already mentioned regarding Darius, inhabiting some position of power does not guarantee you any safety in Panem (there is always someone more powerful who will treat their inferiors like garbage, if they feel like it)

By the time I showed up, he [Gale]’d been lashed at least forty times. He passed out around thirty. - Jesus 😨 poor Gale!

“What about Darius?” Peeta asks.“ After about twenty lashes, he stepped in, saying that was enough. Only he didn’t do it smart and official, like Purnia did. He grabbed Thread’s arm and Thread hit him in the head with the butt of the whip. Nothing good waiting for him,” says Bristel. - It’s so messed up how it is not enough to have someone who’d stand up and do something about a horrible situation - they have to do it the right way, or else they’re toast; there really shouldn’t have to be a smart way of doing the right thing

Snow begins, thick and wet, making visibility even more difficult. - (President) Snow is coming down hard on them, making it hard to see what’s up ahead

Ever so gently, she [Mrs. Everdeen] begins to clean the mutilated flesh on Gale’s back. I feel sick to the stomach, useless, the remaining snow dripping from my glove into a puddle on the floor. Peeta puts me in a chair and holds a cloth filled with fresh snow to my cheek. - Although she’s quite squeamish, Katniss stays as Gale gets treated (the force that holds the loved ones of the hurt/dying, just like when Peeta was being treated after their Games); meanwhile, Peeta is taking care of Katniss - there is so much care + love to be found in this moment

My mother has to save the strongest [painkillers] for the worst pain, but what is the worst pain? To me, it’s always the pain that is present. If I were in charge, those painkillers would be gone in a day because I have so little ability to watch suffering. - Honestly, same; I can’t stomach seeing other people suffer without feeling overwhelmed and feeling like crying... I don’t know how professionals do it

“Just give him the medicine!” I scream at her. [...] “Take her out,” says my mother. Haymitch and Peeta literally carry me from the room while I shout obscenities at her. They pin me down on a bed in one of the extra bedrooms until I stop fighting. - Oof. Poor Katniss! But yeah, it was the best call to remove her from the situation, Mrs. E. had to focus on what she was doing... Also, Haymitch and Peeta are the ones to get Katniss out of there and stay with her - these three take care of each other!

After a while, my mother comes in and treats my face. Then she holds my hand, stroking my arm, while Haymitch fills her in on what happened with Gale. “So it’s starting again?” she says. “Like before?” - Katniss’s mom has become a much more active and soothing presence in this book, I like it... Also, what does “again” mean? Does this imply there has been an attempted uprising in D12 that needed to be squashed before?

Cray would have been disliked, anyway, because of the uniform he wore, but it was his habit of luring starving young women into his bed for money that made him an object of loathing in the district. In really bad times, the hungriest would gather at his door at nightfall, vying for the chance to earn a few coins to feed their families by selling their bodies. Had I been older when my father died, I might have been among them. - Horrifying and absolutely disgusting 🤢 Those poor women! How desperate they must have been! 

... when the doorbell rings, I shoot straight out of bed. [...] “They [the peacekeepers] can’t have him,” I say. “Might be you they’re after,” Haymitch reminds me. “Or you,” I say. “Not my house,” Haymitch points out. “But I’ll get the door.” “No, I’ll get it,” says my mother quietly. - Again, Mrs. Everdeen is taking the initiative! She was so watered down in the movies

[Madge] holds out a small, damp cardboard box to me. “Use these for your friend,” she says. I take off the lid of the box, revealing half a dozen vials of clear liquid. [...] “What is that stuff?” asks Peeta. “It’s from the Capitol. It’s called morphling,” my mother answers. “I didn’t even know Madge knew Gale,” says Peeta. “We used to sell her strawberries,” I say almost angrily. What am I angry about, though? Not that she has brought the medicine, surely. “She must have quite a taste for them,” says Haymitch. That’s what nettles me. It’s the implication that there’s something going on between Gale and Madge. And I don’t like it. “She’s my friend” is all I say. - I mean, Katniss could be mad because A) Gale had literally just told her he loved her a few hours ago and if there was something (reciprocated) going on between Gale and Madge, that would have been pretty shitty for both girls involved and also B) she is friends with both of them and it would be hurtful to learn that two of your closest friends had been seeing each other without telling you anything about it... also, she’s super upset over Gale getting so seriously hurt just after they’d had an argument, her feelings are all over the place

... I’m selfish. I’m a coward. I’m the kind of girl, who, when she might actually be of use, would run to stay alive and leave those who couldn’t follow to suffer and die. This is the girl Gale met in the woods today. No wonder I won the Games. No decent person ever does. You saved Peeta, I think weakly. But now I question even that. I knew good and well that my life back in District 12 would be unlivable if I let that boy die. - Yes, Katniss, you knew that your life back in D12 would have been unlivable if he died - but not because you feared that people would shun you; it was because you “couldn’t lose the boy with the bread” and because “if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really”... This is an excellent example of how distorted your memories can get when you are in a bad headspace at present

The berries. I realize the answer to who I am lies in that handful poisonous fruit. If I held them out to save Peeta because I knew I would be shunned if I came back without him, then I am despicable. If I held them out because I loved him, I am still self-centered, although forgivable. But if I held them out to defy the Capitol, I am someone of worth. - Katniss, you don’t have to be planning to overthrow a corrupt and cruel government to be someone of worth! You’re someone of worth just by being yourself! - The trouble is, I don’t know exactly what was going on inside me at that moment. - Frankly, very rarely are our motivations clearly defined by a single factor - or my professor would not have been able to teach an entire semester-long course on motivation psychology😉)

Chapter 9

Gale’s dead to the world, but his fingers are locked around mine. I smell fresh bread and turn my stiff neck to find Peeta looking down at me with such a sad expression. I get the sense that he’s been watching us awhile. “Go on up to bed, Katniss. I’ll look after him now,” he says. - Peeta! Must have been hard for him to see Katniss like this (and the underlying strength of Katniss and Gale’s relationship, when his relationship with Katniss is still not all that solidified), and yet he’s being such a good bean about it 😭

I give a strangled cry and wake with a start, sweating and shivering at once. Cradling my damaged cheek in my hand, I remind myself that it was not Clove but Thread who gave me this wound. I wish that Peeta were here to hold me, until I remember I’m not supposed to wish that anymore. I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, and a future with Peeta is the Capitol’s design, not mine. - Katniss, gurl... Maybe your instinctive desire to receive comfort from Peeta is trying to tell you something??!? Also, Katniss is forcing this strange dichotomous association of Gale = rebellion and Peeta = Capitol, when in just a bit, she’s clearly connecting Peeta to the rebellion as well (aside from the fact that Peeta was basically the first person to suggest to her that maybe a rebellion was necessary... just saying)

Fighting the Capitol assures their swift retaliation. I must accept that at any moment I can be arrested. [...] There might be torture. Mutliation. A bullet through the skull in the town square [...] I imagine these things and I’m terrified, but let’s face it: They’ve been lurking in the back of my brain, anyway. [...] I’m already a target. - Oh geez! Despite admitting that she’s terrified of what the Capitol is capable fo doing to her, Katniss is still pretty composed naming the possible horrors in store for her, which is just a heartbreaking reminder of how many terrible things she has already had to endure.🙁

Now comes the harder part. I have to face the fact that my family and friends might share this fate. Prim. I need only to think of Prim and all my resolve disintegrates. It’s my job to protect her. [...] I can’t let the Capitol hurt Prim. - 😭😭😭 Katniss has reached a point where she can put her own need for survival/physical intactness aside, but the thought of something awful happening to Prim stops her short (it’s so strange to think that, in a twisted way, it wasn’t the Capitol who’d ended up inflicting the final harm upon Prim...)

And then it hit’s me. They already have. They have killed her father in those wretched mines. They have sat by as she almost starved to death. [...] She has been hurt far worse than I had at the age of twelve. And even that pales in comparison with Rue’s life. [...] Prim... Rue... aren’t they the very reason I have to try to fight? Because what has been done to them is so wrong, so beyond justification, so evil that there is no choice? Because no one has the right to treat them as they have been treated? Yes. This is the thing to remember when fear threatens to swallow me up. What I am about to do, whatever any of us are forced to endure, it is for them. - All these things are very true and it’s also very fitting that the main motivation for Katniss would be to ensure a better future for the children of Panem (and to avenge the evils done to the people close to her heart... while Katniss of course can see the abstract bigger picture/reason for the rebellion, she always operates best when it comes to specific people/circumstances she has a deep, personal connection with)... But also: all these things apply to you, too, Katniss! Despite your tendency to feel responsible for everything and everyone, you’re still a child that had to grow up way too fast and had to endure way too much!

We need someone to direct us and reassure us this is possible. And I don’t think I’m that person. I may have been a catalyst for rebellion, but a leader should be someone with conviction, and I’m barely a convert myself. Someone with unflinching courage, and I’m still working hard at finding mine. Someone with clear and persuasive words, and I’m so easily tongue-tied. Words. I think of words and I think of Peeta. - Katniss’s idea of a great leader for the rebellion is Peeta - interesting, isn’t it (she could have considered Gale, but no)? She makes a good point, though: it helps when a leader has plenty of charisma, and our boy has that in spades; he’s got a good set of morals, is not above joining in on the action/risking his own neck when the need arises and is very genuine and purposeful with his words and actions, which is inspiring... I think Katniss is severely underselling how courageous she is, though

He could move a crowd to action, I bet, if he chose to. Would find the things to say. But I’m sure the idea has never crossed his mind. - Why would you assume that, Katniss? Peeta’s literally the one to suggest to you that trying to placate the district might not be the right thing to do... Peeta’s not someone who’d stir up trouble just for the sake of stirring up trouble, sure; he’s much more deliberate about doing things the ‘right’ way, but he’s not generally opposed to challenging authorities (he’s literally the one to openly gift some of your winnings to another district!)

She knows what she’s doing, my mother. I feel a pang of remorse about yesterday, the awful things I yelled at her as Peeta and Haymitch dragged me from the kitchen. “I’m sorry. About screaming at you yesterday.” - It’s so sweet how Katniss feels sorry for yelling at her mom and apologizes to her; their relationship really has improved so much in this book - “I’ve heard worse,” she says. “You’ve seen how people are, when someone they love is in pain.” Someone they love. [...] Of course, I love Gale. But what kind of love does she mean? What do I mean when I say I love Gale? I don’t know. I did kiss him last night, in a moment when my emotions were running so high. But i’m sure he doesn’t remember it. Does he? I hope not. - Katniss is struggling to figure out in what way she loves Gale... She definitely doesn’t want him to remember their kiss because she knows it wouldn’t be fair to give him the hope that she might be able to return his romantic feelings when she is still in the dark about her own

... and I can’t really think about kissing when I’ve got a rebellion to incite. I give my head a little shake to clear it. “Where’s Peeta?” I say. - Lol, goes on to immediately mention the guy she’s been kissing these past few weeks (see, with Peeta you could actually have both: kissing and rebellion, Katniss - he’s the perfect man, isn’t he? 😉😋)

“He went home when he heard you stirring. Didn’t want to leave his house unattended during the storm,” says my mother. - Yeah, I don’t think Peeta left because of his house; I’m pretty sure he needed some time to himself after seeing Katniss and Gale this morning - he is the type of person who needs to be alone to work through his feelings when he’s feeling upset - “Did he get back all right?” [...] “Why don’t you give him a call and check?” she says. I go into the study, a room I’ve pretty much avoided since my meeting with President Snow, and dial Peeta’s number. After a few rings he answers. “Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,” I say. “Katniss. I live three houses away from you,” he says. “I know, but with the weather and all,” I say. “Well, I’m fine. Thank you for checking.” There’s a long pause. “How’s Gale?” - Aww, Katniss is worried about Peeta and gives him a call, although she hates being in the study 😊 Also, her calling him must have been at least of some reassurance to Peeta that she genuinely cares about him, in some way (though, he’s still clearly busy processing her relationship with Gale, since he’s asking about him as if he hadn’t seen that dude just a couple of minutes prior)

“Have you seen Haymitch today?” “I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread,” he says. “I wanted to talk to - to both of you.” I don’t dare add more, here on my phone, which is surely tapped. -  Despite everything, Peeta still made sure to look after Haymitch! And I know, there is also the issue of their houses themselves potentially being bugged, but I couldn’t help imagining how they could easily avoid the whole phone-tapping thing simply by using a tin can telephone (they do live pretty close to each other, after all) 😂

“You don’t even have a phone,” I say. “Effie had that fixed,” he [Haymitch] says. “Do you know she asked me if I’d like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better.” “Haymitch.” I can hear the pleading creeping into my voice. “Katniss.” He mimics my tone. “It won’t work.” - Okay, but Haymitch mimicking Katniss’s tone reminds me so much of when Peeta mimicked her tone towards the end of their Games, when she was trying to persuade him to climb into a tree as a lookout while he was insistent she’d show him some plants to gather; these three, I swear! 😂 On a sad note, Haymitch is talking from experience here when he’s advising Katniss not to challenge the Capitol 🥺😢

Some streets away from the square, I see a blaze flare up. None of us has to say it. That can only be the Hob going up in smoke. I think of Greasy Sae, Ripper, all my friends who make their livings there. - Katniss considers the people from the Hob her friends - honestly, even if the Hawthornes, Everdeens, Peeta and Haymitch all had agreed to leave D12, I don’t think Katniss would have been able to go through with it - she cares too much about the people in D12 to have been able to leave them to their fate

“Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare.” He [Haymitch] trudges off across the square and I look at Peeta. “What’s he want that for?” Then I realize the answer. “We can’t let him drink it. He’ll kill himself, or at the very least go blind. I’ve got some white liquor put away at home.” “Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business,” says Peeta. - Another instance of Katniss and Peeta being on the same wavelength, having taken precautions to help out Haymitch so he doesn’t have to go cold turkey again

We find Hazelle in her house, nursing a very sick Posy. I recognize the measles spots. “I couldn’t leave her,” she says. “I knew Gale’d be in the best possible hands.” - The second mention of someone having contracted the measles in D12 - Why the heck does the Capitol withhold measles vaccination from the people in the districts?! They’re inflicting unnecessary damage onto the very people they want to exploit... But I guess cruelty isn’t always about playing it smart and logical...

When we’re outside, I turn to Peeta. “You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob.” “I’ll go with you,” he says. “No. I’ve dragged you into enough trouble,” I tell him. “And avoiding a stroll by the Hob... that’s going to fix things for me?” He smiles and takes my hand. - They are a team, they stick together (and they are constantly holding hands, always physically linked to each other)😩💕 Also, Peeta pointing out the irrationality of Katniss’s train of thought to calm her down and stay with her reminds me of how he’s going to use logical reasoning to calm her down after the jabberjays in the Quarter Quell arena

We go back to the square. I buy some cakes from Peeta’s father while they exchange small talk about the weather. No one mentions the ugly tools of torture just yards from the front door. The last thing I notice as we leave the square is that I do not recognize even one of the Peacekeepers’ faces. - How weird is it that Peeta and his dad just talk about the weather?! Is this supposed to illustrate how in the Mellark family they just ignored the ugliness going on in their lives *cough cough* the abuse *cough cough* and just pretended that everything was fine, on a very superficial level? Also, it makes perfect sense that the Peacekeepers have been exchanged; the more time we spend with people, the more likely we are to like them - that won’t do if you want to have a ruthless authoritarian police force in the districts

As the days pass, things go from bad to worse. The mines stay shut for two weeks, and by that time half of District 12 is starving. The number of kids signing up for tesserae soars, but they often don’t receive their grain. Food shortages begin, and even those with money come away from stores empty-handed. [...] The eagerly awaited food promised for Parcel Day arrives spoiled and defiled by rodents. - This is just so awful and despicable 😞 Life in the districts was already horrible but now the government does not even honor the extortionary rules they themselves have set up! I can’t help but wonder if the lack of food could be traced back to rebellions in the food supplying districts and, to keep this from the inhabitants of the Capitol, the reduced amount of good food was (obviously) kept for the Capitolites, so that the bad food had to be sent to the districts, anyway... It just seems like such a breach of ‘honor’/etiquette on the Capitol’s part, I dunno... Or maybe Snow was just desperate to use any means necessary to stamp out any potential rebellions in the districts that he still had some control over...

Gale goes home with no more talk of rebellion between us. But I can’t help thinking that everything he sees will only strengthen his resolve to fight back. [...] Rory has signed up for tesserae, something Gale can’t even speak about - Poor, Gale! Poor Hawthornes :(

My fingers have all but decided to release the arrow when I see the object in the glove. It’s a small white circle of flat bread. More of a cracker, really. Gray and soggy around the edges. But an image is clearly stamped in the center of it. It’s my mockingjay. - It is so very telling that the true symbol of the rebellion combines something symbolic of Katniss (which also contains a nod to Rue) and something symbolic of Peeta (the bread/cracker!) The people in the districts have rightfully recognized the both of them as symbol of the rebellion; they have a truer vision of the matter than the more artifically/forcefully constructed symbol of rebellion that D13 /Coin will push - we will also see that when the people in D13 will view Peeta as a traitor, while the rebels Katniss will visit in D8 instead ask her about Peeta and assure her that they know he was speaking under duress

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 2

And here’s the next part of the long answer set of the day!

When will OL: N&F take place? Beginnings and Always took place during summer breaks, will now and forever take place during a fall break or will the characters be going to school at the time of the events we play through? 

It takes place over all of the fall season, so school will be happening in OL2. Some events do take place in school, though many times events only start after school is already out for the day, haha.

Hey!! I have kind of a weird question?? I’m sorry if it’s been answered before and I just haven’t seen it but is OL 2 taking place during the same years as OL 1? I’m just curious, thank you for such amazing games!!! 

It’s a similar time frame, but not 100% exactly same.

Do you have any idea when the demo for now and forever will be available? 

Hopefully this fall! But that’s not a guarantee.

Okay the crime show in Step 2: Growing up. Long blonde hair, police station, crime series? Was it The Closer? Because I’m the same age as MC and Cove and my mom was constantly watching that when I was 13. 😂 

Haha, yeah! The Closer and, to a lesser degree, Medium were the kind of shows I was referencing there. My mom also used to watch those back in the day.

Hey um this might be an odd question but if the setting of OL: N&F is  fall/autumn, what country or city will it take because my mind tells me it is either Poland or Canada. Also I can't wait for the game I am hyped 

It’s set in the USA again. We’d like to be able to have cameos and that’s easiest to do if the OL games take place in the same country.

Is it possible for the PC of OL to have non-seriously dated other people in the in between years even if they’ve had a consistent crush on Cove? 

You can causally date Baxter in Step 3 if you get his DLC and then ultimately choose Cove in Step 4. If you mean off-screen people, it doesn’t really come up, but you can certainly headcanon that. The game never says Cove is the only partner you’ve ever had.

Is there going to be a Kickstarter for Now and Forever as well? For like voiced names and stuff again? Didn’t find B&A until after it was released and I’d really love the opportunity to hear my name in the game 🥺 

Yeah, we are gonna have a Kickstarter with getting a voiced name as a reward! Though, it will be more expensive than it was for OL1. I feel bad to raise the price but we realized too late the first time around that it was being super undersold for the amount of work it took, aha.

Do you know how much the remaining DLC for OL will cost? (Step 4, Derek, Baxter) 

Step 4: Free

Wedding DLC: $2.99USD

Derek DLC: $4.99USD

 Baxter DLC: $4.99USD

Has an artist for the new position been picked yet?! I'm super excited for the new game! 

We did fill that spot. Thank you so much for taking the time to apply!

hmmm what would it take to get each of the XOXO jerk squad to feel the need to hug you? 

They’d have to first like you a fair amount, otherwise the most you’d get is maybe a pat on the shoulder. If they were attached, they might hug you if you broke down crying or if you gave them super good news.

Unless it’s Shiloh, of course. If you want a hug you only have to ask!

May i ask how the Derek DLC will work? I believe that there aren’t any memories in step 4 and doesnt derek’s dlc take place during that step? So will the dlc add memories? Thank you! 

Derek’s DLC will add five Moments to Step 2 (a new page will appear on that screen if you get the DLC). Then in Step 4 you’ll have to choose between playing the default epilogue or going through the Derek romance story.

Is the pc version on itch,io different from the steam version? Like an offline one or something? 

Steam has achievements, but that’s about it. Both can be played offline, if you prefer.

I've been wondering this for awhile, what determines if cove winds up with a ponytail in step 3? I've done multiple runs with different MCs with varying hairstyles. Or does it have to do with a particular moment in step 2? 

I’m afraid I can’t say exact choices that determine things. But generally it’s preference based options in the Step before that decide those things.

Any Floret Bond updates? 

No, the artist had to leave the project and it’s been on-hold. I’m not sure if I want to try working just with what we have or replacing it all entirely. The design is a bit too specific for us to easily find someone who could mimic it. Hopefully we’ll work things out later, though.

In step 3 is Cove's plan always to stay in sunset bird? 

Yeah. He is never ready at 18-years-old to make a big life change.

I love your content! If it's alright to ask, you answered in a previous ask about how Jeremy was too particular with what he likes his types to be romanceable with just any MC and it's sort of got me wondering.. What /are/ his types and/or preferences and such? Sorry if it's a lot! 

Jeremy likes stubborn jerks and will not date someone who’s sweet or even generally a decent person, haha.

uh, excuse me if you said this somewhere before, but how will step 4 be actually? Will it he like an actual step and have moments and dlc and all? Or will it be more like a long epilogue of some sort?

Will the step 4, the wedding and extra routes dlcs be paid too? Im just confused, sorry if im asking too much

Step 4 is only an epilogue, so it’s just a long series of scenes one after the other rather than a collection of Moments you can choose from.

The Step 4 epilogue is free, the wedding DLC, Derek DLC, and Baxter DLC cost money.

i’m not sure how much of the wedding dlc you have planned already, or if this would be to spoilery, but what kind of wedding traditions will be included? i keep thinking about how flustered cove would get over a garter toss & was wondering if we’d see a scene like that haha. obviously no worries if it’s not included, i’ll enjoy literally anything cove related 

I don’t know for sure yet, haha. Right now we’re focused on the parts before the big day. We’ll see how many scene alterations we can include for the wedding itself later on.

Hello! Firstly, thank you for creating such an amazing game like OL, and I couldn’t be more excited for OL2! Out of curiosity, are you looking for any writers to come on for OL2 or are you all pretty much set in that department? Just thought I’d shoot my shot haha but I’m still excited regardless ^^! 

We will be hiring writers for OL2 later this year! Thank you for the interest.

Will we be blessed with a spin-off Yandere Cove, like XOXO Blood Droplets? 

Sadly, no. It’s a shame but there’s not enough time to keep making OL1 bonus/spin-off content.

How is Q pronounced?

I’m afraid Q’s full name hasn’t been publicly announced yet so I can’t answer here (Q and T are the first letters of the names for the new LIs in Our Life: Now & Forever).

Question; is the steam version getting a Mac update? ��I purchased the dlc there thinking it had Mac support without realizing it and just wondered if I’d need to refund it to purchase on itch.io 😭 

I’m really sorry, you will need to get a refund from Steam. We do hope to have it there for Steam eventually, but have no idea of when it’ll happen. Apple requires special notarization to be an officially accepted app for their devices. We don’t have that. Steam requires having that, Itch will let you release it as an non-notarized third party app. That’s why Itch is the only place that has the Mac version right now.

would you mind posting outfit sheets for Cove in every step? it would make things a lot easier for us artists. it would save a lot of time spent looking for references 

I think we did do the earlier steps when they were finished way back in 2019 (this game took a long time to make, aha), but we can probably repost them sometime!

In our life n&f, will we be able to get into qprs/will there be more options in regards to having deep platonic relationships with the love interests? Because as an aroace individual, it would be great if there could also be emphasis on platonic love so that it's more aspec inclusive. 

It’s a little hard to say at this point. There may not be things like a wedding DLC for OL2 and so the relationship for platonic and romantic feelings might not go as far as it did in the first game. We’ll kind of have to see how much we can do based on timeframe/budget constraints that will only be set near the end of the year. But we will be keeping things like that in mind at least.

hi! i really really like your game and im absolutely in love with it! i cant wait to try your other games like xoxo droplet and future OL NF :))

during the step 3 erands moment i got curious, which fudge flavor is his favorite? it seems like he likes all of them, but which 4 do you think he would like best?

also i noticed that in some playthroughs cove would let me give him a piggy back ride, and in some he wouldn't, how come?

how does your choices affect cove's interests or looks? i replayed the game without changing any choices but i got cove to look different, is it just random?

thank you!

Cove’s favorite flavors are ones with nuts and that are fruity! But he appreciates them all. Whether or not you can give him a piggyback ride depends on if your MC is fit/large enough to hold a muscular 6-foot-tall beach boy, haha.

Cove’s appearance does depend on choices and it’s generally tied to choices that are preference based rather than emotion/action based, such as which key chain you pick in Step 1.

Is it possible for cove to reject MC's proposal at the end of step 3? 

Nope. He’ll always accept.

hi! i was wondering how heavily the side characters will be featured in the our life wedding dlc? obviously it'll be cove & mc focused, but i was thinking it'd be sweet if we could take lizzie dress / suit shopping or dance with cliff at the wedding or something. 

The side characters are there about as often as they are in normal events. So, it’s clearly focused on Cove but he’s not the only person you have any meaningful moments with.

When will responses be sent out to applicants? 

I’m afraid we don’t send responses out to all applications, only ones we’re interested in offering the position to. Not everyone likes rejection emails and the amount of applications is too high to contact them all to say we’re not hiring them. We post updates on the job page when a position has news. Right now we’ve filled every role that was open.

Is there also going to be the option to keep your relationships with the love interests platonic in Our Life: Now and Forever? That's something I really appreciate in Our Life: Beginnings and Always

Yeah! OL will never force you to end up in a romantic relationship with someone.

I was wondering, in the Step 3 Happiness moment, what are the different fishes Cove can compare MC to? I got "you'd be a paradise fish, because being with you is paradise," but my friend got "you'd be an angelfish." Are there more variations? 

He says paradise fish if you’re a couple, angelfish if he’s just crushing, and then a royal dottyback/queenfish/emperor tetra (based on your gender) if he likes the MC platonicly.

Hello! So, in one of the Step 3 DLCs, Cove's arm was gone. I think it was to show him putting his arm behind his back. But if that wasn't the case, did it get yeeted? 

Thanks for letting us know. That was an error we tried to fix a little while back. When did you make the save file you were playing? If it was older that might be why it happened. Or maybe the error wasn’t fully fixed after all.

Asking for your opinion, but do you think Cove would at all be into ABBA? Because all I could imagine during the car trip in step 3 was him and the MC belting to Mamma Mia. 

Haha, yeah, there’d definitely be some ABBA songs he was into.

So throughout the game, Cove can develop different interests depending on the player’s choices; does this mean that he can have different careers in Step 4? Or his is line of work in adulthood never mentioned at all? 

He can have different career paths in Step 4!

Hi!! I'm so so sorry if this has been asked before but I just acquired knowledge about the so famous nsfw dlc for OL and nearly chocked on my bubblegum 💀💀💀 So, my real inquiry is if that specific moment will have any kind of impact at some point of the fourth step OR if it will just be treated as a side-story-ish “what if” scenario.Also, is there any chance there'll be something similar for Step 4? Haha jk,,, unless 😳Questions apart let me thank you profoundly for making the best visual novel I've ever played 😭 Really really looking forward the epilogue and OL2 💕 Have a nice day 

It’s just a bonus side story that’s fully separate from the main game.

It would be nice to have one for Step 4 too, but I sadly don’t see us having time to actually do it. I don’t know, if people are still asking for more OL1 content several months from now it might be doable and worth doing.

I'd just like to ask, when is Baxter's birthday :0 -- I'm really curious esp with their zodiac signs so ;w; 

I don’t know, haha. Maybe I’ll come up with one someday.

Please help!! I bought the Step 3 DLC but I still have no idea how to get to where you can propose to Cove - any tips? 

&

How do I get the option to propose to Cove at the end of the game?

You can click HERE for a discussion on that.

I love that Miranda and Terry are getting together! I'm curious if you have canon sexualities for them? Also just wanted to say how much I love OL and how much joy it brings me everytime I play it <3 

Terry likes ladies and Miranda likes dudes!

ngl Step 4 Terry's design reads like y'all see trans guys as their assigned gender more than you see them as men to me (a trans guy)... like maybe if he isn't heavily dysphoric, I could see it, but everything you've said about him doesn't line up with that. Even then, immediate warning bells go off in my head looking at him. I wouldn't have touched the game if I saw him ahead of time.

I’m sorry you aren’t comfortable with the way the design looks. The situation with Terry is that he’s now open about who he is, but the body he was born with is still physically the same. He only came out recently as an adult and hasn’t gone through any treatments/procedures yet (his chest is flatter because he wears a binder). However, even though his body hasn’t transitioned at the point Step 4 happens, no one treats him as anything other than the guy he is. Having a trans character who’s identity is supported/respected from the start is what we’re going for in this case. But what we’re doing with Terry isn’t the only trans content we’ve ever had/ever will have in the future.

how would baxter react to bae pyoun and vice versa? and can you please detailly explain both love interests personalities from our life 2: now and forever? i was just curious, sorry for dumb question!! 

I imagine it’d be pretty opposite experiences, haha. Bae would initially think Baxter is pushy and thoughtless, but would quickly realize, oh, he’s instead a soft, considerate boy. Very cute. Baxter would first be struck with the impression that Bae is charming and gentlemanly, but then would realize that, no, he’s a sarcastic asshole. And I’m afraid we can’t reveal the personalities for the next game yet.

Sorry if you've already answered this, but I have a question about the patreon exclusive moment you're working on. I was wondering if it's mainly going to be CGs or if it's mostly character sprites + backgrounds with some CGs.

Either way, thank you for doing the Lord's work and not only making Cove, but making this bonus moment as well 😌😌😌

It’s mostly sprites/backgrounds with two CGs!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for the interesting questions everyone :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[firemanwhenthefloodsrollback]

buffy relationships and their best moments

I'm going to pick what I think was the best relationship moment for each major relationship in Buffy - by which I mean the moment where the relationship was at its best and easiest to say 'yes this character should be with this person'

If you've been following me more than 30 seconds you'll know I have my own opinions about which relationships I like most but I'm gonna approach every major one as fairly as I can because there's something to love about all of them.

I'm only counting relationships that were canon romantic for at least a bit, involved one of the core characters and lasted more than an episode, so Faith and Xander, Spike and Harmony or Giles and Joyce aren't counting here.

So roughly (?) chronologically:

Willow & Xander: Grave

a weird one because they were sort of a romantic ship sometimes - there was the unfulfilled yearning in season one and that weird couple of minutes in season three when it was a real thing - but it was one of the longest running and deepest friendships in the show for many seasons afterwards. I wanted to choose a 'romantic' moment for these two but I just... couldn't? because I don't think anyone was really rooting for them in season three and it was presented to the audience as a disaster in slow motion.

the famous yellow crayon speech, though, is one of the best moments of unconditional love in the show. Xander loves willow enough to want to be with her as she destroys the world and willow loves Xander enough to find her humanity again after becoming dark willow. it's the only love willow feels deeply enough to bring her back from the state she was in after tara's death. I don't think we can compare willow's love for tara and her love for xander because they're just on such completely different planets as relationships, but after she loses tara, xander is the only person who can reach her and make her be herself again. it's a very powerful love even though it was not as good

Buffy & Angel: I Only Have Eyes For You

I don't particularly love Bangel but this episode is the one that gives me feelings. The fact that their feelings for each other can surface through being possessed by ghosts, and angel being v much evil at the time, to give us 'I loved you with my last breath' and a kiss that puts the dead to rest is pretty powerful.

Giles & Jenny: Passion

I know, it hurts my heart too. Their last conversation and agreeing to see each other again and Giles' excitement going to meet her makes you feel giddy and his happiness makes him seem so young and hopeful. I like how sweet and mature him being prepared to forgive her lying to Buffy was. And then, obviously, my heart was burned in my chest ten minutes later.

Willow & Oz: What's My Line Part 2

There's so much to love with Oz but I feel like the animal cracker conversation exemplifies everything that was best about him and what he offered Willow. He put her at her ease and made her laugh, she was trying to thank him for saving her life in a slightly nervous and awkward way and he makes her comfortable and giggly, brings her back to being a teenager having a laugh rather than a nervous mess dealing with the fallout of a vampire attack. I love how visibly safe he makes her feel.

Xander & Cordelia: Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Xander and Cordelia's relationship was tied up with so much shame for both of them particularly in the early days and I know everyone watching this felt their heart swell when Cordelia told her friends she wasn't ashamed to be with him whatever anyone thought. For a guy whose parents treated him so awfully and felt like an embarrassment absolutely all the time, I loved watching him hear that someone so much 'better than him' wasn't ashamed to be dating him publicly and walking away from her cool friends with him.

Xander & Anya: As You Were

Obviously the moment where Xander reassures Anya about how sure he is that he wants to be married to her forever becomes bittersweet quite quickly, but seeing Xander manage such quiet certainty and faith in Anya, even if it didn't last as long as we'd have liked, was so wonderfully calm and optimistic in the middle of a dark season.

Buffy & Riley: The Freshman

When Riley had nothing to do with the initiative and he was just a tall, handsome teaching assistant being charming after having books dropped on his head I found him so promising and charming. Early season four Riley was refreshing, sweet and did a great job of not competing with the audience for the same type of relationship they had with Angel. I don't dislike Riley as much as some do - he isn't who I'd pick as I think we're all aware, but he wasn't written to be that type of love interest, and the warmth and change of pace and perspective he brought at the beginning of season four was really valuable to me.

Willow & Tara: Family

Not just the floating above the dance floor, which will obviously have a special place in my heart forever, but Willow insisting to everyone in the magic box that tara be given the time and space to decide what she wants for herself was so wonderfully respectful. then the montage of everyone at the bronze enjoying tara's birthday and the fact that the audience knows how carefully Willow planned it and got everyone to come and be there with her so she'd know how much she belonged.

Buffy & Spike: After Life

The way that Spike recognises exactly what's happened to Buffy when he first sees her on the stairs is such a good statement of how completely they understand each other. Then bandaging her hands and telling her how much he wished he could have saved her, and even in the state she's in, Buffy looks so clearly and openly into his face and the episode ends with her being open with him about going to heaven when she couldn't tell anyone else. Even more than their scenes at the end of season seven, I feel like this is the rawest and most tender they are with each other.

Willow & Kennedy: Chosen

The support Kennedy gives Willow during the scythe spell in Chosen is probably the most linked on a deep level we see these two being? Plus 'you're a goddess'.

[buckyownsmylife]

into you - tom hardy smut

The one where you help him read his lines and things get slightly out of script

Warnings: smut, no foreplay, unprotected sex

A/N: This was another Hardy request I received not so long ago. I ended up going with a PA again 🤷‍♀️ Also, I think I might end up investing in these banners more than those moodboards for my fics, lmk what y’all think 🤔The moodboards just take forever to make and these last few I’ve made were simply terrible, in my opinion 😂

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“You in there, love?” The smile on my lips was instantaneous, the last traces of sleepiness vanishing from my face like the man appearing through the trailer’s door was some kind of super powerful, instant coffee. I knew at least the side-effects from withdrawal were much the same.

“Where else would I be?” I joked, still busying myself with cleaning a bit around the room as I waited for him to take off the coat that was a part of his character’s characterization. Tom just grunted, checking himself in the mirror like he still couldn’t believe in the power of cinematic make-up before glancing in the direction of the shower.

“You say it like you got nowhere better to be.” Was this a joke? He knew it was the truth, he had to be saying this just to tease me. Still, it was better to join in than to make this a bigger deal that it was, so I just snorted.

“You say it like you don’t know you’re the best company ever!” I mocked in a fake girly voice, giggling at myself after I reached the end of the sentence. I’d also finished with the general clean-up and I gave myself a nod as a recognition for my efficient work, before finally meeting my boss’ eyes.

“Careful, sweetheart. When you say stuff like that I only end up falling deeper.” A wink was sent in my direction, and stupidly, my heart skipped a beat at the sight of the man who was supposed to be my boss - and nothing else - joking about being in love with me. 

It was moments like these that showed me regardless of how strongly I tried to shove it away and push it to the farthest corners of my mind, I was still falling deeper and deeper for him with each passing day I spent in his company.

“I have to go take a shower, wash this make-up off me. You’ll still be here when I get out?” Like he said, I had nowhere else to be, so I just shrugged, letting my body fall on the couch while releasing a deep sigh.

“I guess. You need me for something?” When he didn’t immediately answer me, my curiosity was picked, so I raised my gaze to find him leaning on the threshold of the bathroom’s door, shirt already off and a boyish smile on his lips.

“I always need you, sweetheart. But I was thinking about maybe running some lines, are you up for that?” All I could do was nod, mouth suddenly too dry to do anything else as I watched him enter the bathroom and close the door behind him. Images of what it must be like in that cramped room, the fog slowly relaxing his muscles as he let his jeans drop to the floor before curling his thumbs in his boxers and then…

I needed to stop.

Tom’s P.O.V.

Fuck. I knew I should find it in me to turn the water to a cold temperature, but the warmth just felt so good against my tired muscles and it was becoming clear that not even the frigidest of showers would be able to stop my cock from hardening, not while she was still right there, behind that door, waiting for me, looking like that. God, how could she not know what she did to me?

Three years I’ve waited. Three years. Trying to see any sort of definitive sign that she was as into me as I was into her. Because, since things in my life could never be easy, the woman I ended up falling for worked for me. And as much as I wanted her, I could never find it in myself to be that guy who just ends up screwing someone’s lives because of his own egoistical wishes.

If I revealed my interest in her and she didn’t reciprocate it, there was simply no way for us to keep working together like this. My heart couldn’t handle it and I’d never want to make her uncomfortable in any way.

So I just waited and waited and waited for the perfect opportunity that always seemed to slip through my fingers. And in that time, we only grew closer and closer. A P.A.’s job is already quite dependent on having a tight connection to the person they’re supposed to assist, but we were just so damn similar. And it seemed like she just understood me - beyond the needs of her regular day-to-day tasks - on a profound level, from my wicked sense of humor to my fears and anxieties.

It was really no surprise that we had become as close as best friends. She was the person I trusted the most now, even with the stuff I wouldn’t regularly confide to a personal assistant, and I knew the new nature of our once strictly-professional relationship was easily apprehended by her, too.

It only added a new layer of difficulty for the mess we’d found ourselves in, a new bond I could easily destroy if the resolve I had so cautiously built came crumbling down. But now that the cracks had appeared, it was only a matter of time before it all became clear and I was left with whatever came of it. So I decided to take a stance.

“You ready?” I asked, once dried and with loose and comfortable clothes that allowed me to relax even further after such a stressful day on set. This was it. This was the moment of truth. I was really going to do this.

“Sure. Can you throw me the script?” Oh, right. I looked around the now (thanks to her) tidied trailer to locate the little brochure right over the mini-fridge, offering it to her on the correct page.

“There you go. You sure you don’t have anywhere else to be? We might be here for a while.” If things go according to plan, I thought but didn’t voice it, although I was surprised that she couldn’t hear how loud my heartbeat had gotten in this cramped space.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Positive,” I confirmed, not looking at him as I took advantage of the excuse of becoming familiarized with the words I’d have to speak. “I’m yours for the night.” I don’t think I would have realized just how… different these words could sound if it wasn’t for the silence that followed. But when my head whipped up and my eyes met his, panic undoubtedly very clear in my expression, all I got was, “I need you to listen to this and listen carefully, because it is my heart that speaks directly to yours.”

For a second, I just blinked, completely confused about what was happening until suddenly it dawned upon me. Right, the script. I glanced down once more to check my line before reciting it, “Speak if you must. I don’t know what you could possibly say that would erase this mess you’ve made.”

Fuck. I’d forgotten this movie had a pretty intense romantic storyline. I hadn’t been on set for any scenes other than the action sequences, so it’d completely disappeared from my mind that this was a possibility: that Tom would ask me to rehearse love scenes with him.

All I could do now was pray that my heart would come out of this unscattered.

“I need you to know that I want you, in more than one way - in more than the expected way. I want you as more than a friend and maybe as more than a lover too.” Once again, I was dumbfounded by the words that left his lips, uncertain of what to do. Those weren’t the same words on my script, they weren’t the ones I was expecting to hear.

“I need you to know that I need you, in more than one way - in more than the traditional way. I need you as more than a friend and maybe more than a wife too.”

Like it knew something was about to happen, my heart sped out of control, and I tried to force my hands to stop shaking as I licked my lips and took a moment to breathe. “Are you… Are you sure that’s the right line?” I managed to ask, but all I got as a response was a small, almost shy smile.

Tom didn’t do shy. This felt different.

“Can I touch you?” He asked. That wasn’t in the script either. And somehow, everything in the universe seemed to click into its rightful position because somehow, right then, I just knew.

“Yes.” It came out more as a whisper than anything else, but in a second his hands were on me, one on my hip and the other on my hair and I could just barely comprehend that this was about to happen when his mouth descended upon me.

His kiss was everything I thought temptation would taste like and it consumed me like nothing else. Chapped lips pried mine open and at the touch of his tongue on mine, my knees faltered, but he was right there to keep me up.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted you.” I don’t know if I shivered because of the feeling of his warm breath against my lips or the words in itself. I just knew I suddenly felt warm, really warm, like something was burning me from the inside, and I was desperate to take him with me.

My eyes traveled up his body until they reached his own, both of us breathing hard against each other. I could feel his fingers gripping my hips tightly, and just that small gesture of possessiveness was enough to have a whine threatening to escape my throat.

“Yes,” I breathed out, lost in his gaze. “I want you too.”

Apparently, that was all he needed to fully let go of his control, mouth desperately tasting mine before abandoning it to litter kisses all over my jaw, down my neck until he stopped to suck a bruise on my throat, like some sort of ownership sign that he was anxious to leave on me. I was struggling to even catch a breath, but somehow managed to bury my hands inside of his shirt, clawing at his back with each new nip and suck that he gave me.

When we finally parted, the first thing he said to me was, “Can I take this off?” while playing with the hem of my dress and I’d never heard Tom that needy before. It almost felt like he would be the one whining any second now, and the thought that he could truly desire me that much had my head swirling.

I’d barely nodded in response and he was already pulling the fabric over my head, discarding somewhere in the tiny trailer. I couldn’t care enough to look for it right now, too preoccupied with the way his eyes explored me, hands immediately reaching out to get rid of my bra, too.

“Take off your underwear and sit on that couch.” It felt like an order. “Spread your legs for me.” That definitely was one. And I wasn’t stupid enough to disobey it.

Although still trembling with the anxiousness that came from the unpredictable turn of events I was living through, my body felt electrified by his gaze, by his obvious desire for me. It wasn’t hard to follow his command, even if some part of me wanted to feel at least a bit shy about being completely naked while he remained fully clothed. But the tortured groan he let out after I completed the task and exposed myself to him made it clear I’d done the right choice by abiding by his wishes.

“You’re so fucking hot.” Well, I felt hot under his burning stare, so it seemed appropriate. Still, I had to ask, since it seemed like I was about to lose my damn mind, “Then why are you just staring?”

Tom’s P.O.V.

The question, that barely hid the eagerness behind it, made me smirk while I approached the trembling little body waiting for me on the couch. “I fucking knew it,” I teased, kneeling before her and delicately tracing her jaw with one finger. “I knew you weren’t any innocent little angel.”

The look she gave me from under her eyelashes almost had me second guessing what I’d just said, but I knew better. Raising to my full height, my fingers made quick work of my clothes before I wrapped a fist around my member, slowly jerking myself to the sight of her naked body.

“I knew you were perfect for me even on this level.” She licked her lips as her eyes kept following my movements, and I panted at the clear sign of desire when she reached out to grab me. “No, darling. I can’t control myself much longer and I still need to prepare you.”

When I made a movement towards her, sitting by her side on the couch, I was surprised to see her close her legs before I could reach out for her, quickly climbing on my lap with as much eagerness as I was exhibiting myself.

“No, no teasing,” she pleaded, wet and warm cunt grinding against my hardened member as she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck. 

“I don’t want to tease, I want to prepare you,” I tried to explain as I reached out to grab her arms, holding them between us instead. She pouted, clearly fully intended to guilt me into skipping foreplay, but I didn't want her to regret this later, even if she still asked this while clearly knowing just how big my cock was. “The night’s still young, baby. We have plenty of time to get acquainted with our bodies.”

I nibbled on her earlobe as I tried to convince her, but she wasn’t having it. That much became clear as she continued to grind herself against me, before saying, “I don’t want you to prepare me, I want your cock in me. I want it to hurt.”

A shiver went through my spine at her words, temporarily freezing me. And that was all the time she needed to pull her hands from mine and take my cock in her own grip, quickly aligning it with her hole before starting to descend back to my lap again. 

“C’mon, Tom,” she tried to snap me out of it. “Fuck me hard. Show me just what I’ve been missing.” Those words, paired with the feeling of her tight pussy beginning to ride me, had me breaking out of my control in a second.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” I growled before taking a hold of her hips and quickening her movements until her breasts were bouncing right before me. “I should have known you’d be a little cockwhore, huh? I’m gonna fuck you against every wall of this trailer before fucking you on top of each and every piece of furniture. Let’s see if you’ll still be hungry for more when I’m done with you.”

The moan she let out at my words had my cock twitching inside of her, fingers pressing tightly on the soft flesh of her hips as I struggled to keep my composure and not spill myself inside her tight walls so damn soon.

“You’re so fucking wet, even without any foreplay,” I absentmindedly commented, and while it seemed like she wanted to say something, maybe explain herself, the way I was ramming into her clearly stopped any sane words from leaving her lips. It was only a mess of moans and whimpers, until suddenly, a single word came out, clear as day, at least to my own inebriated mind and hard-as-a-rock cock.

“Holy shit,” I cursed, throwing my head back as I grabbed her ass to keep her riding my cock. “Moan my name again. Moan my fucking name, Y/N. Don’t you dare keep it in.” It seemed like my command was unnecessary. She screamed my name like it was the only thing she knew how to say as I felt her pussy milking me for my cum, her own orgasm taking over her.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

As soon as I was able to breathe again, his hand was forcing me down to meet his lips again in a desperate open-mouthed kiss. “Such a good girl for me,” he whispered, still fucking himself up at me, and the overstimulation was so delicious I squeezes his shoulders to keep my whimpers in, scared that he’d slow down. “I imagine you like this so many times.”

Giggling, I wrapped my arms around him while I resumed my previous movements, riding his dick with all I had, determined to feel him spill inside of me. “Is it anything like you imagined?”

He just groaned, squeezing my ass and letting his head fall back on the couch before admitting, with lust-filled eyes that looked up at me from his eyelashes, “It’s so much better. So much better than just jerking off to the thought of you.”

His words, the raspiness of his voice as he uttered them, had me clenching around him, and ultimately, that’s what brought him close to his own orgasm. “Can I cum inside of you?” He asked, fingers squeezing my hips tightly as he took full control of my movements in his need to get to that pleasurable end. A nod from me had him finally there, cumming inside of me as his entire body freezed, immobilizing me on top of him, too.

“What about now?” He asked, barely able to stay awake as his fingers traced circles on my hips, eyes closed while I did the same, resting on his chest. “Can you still stay?”

Laughing, I pulled away just enough to deposit a quick kiss on his lips before readjusting myself back to my previous position. “Positive,” I repeated, thinking back on just how much had happened since the last time I said that word to him. “I’m right where I need to be.”

[melon-kiss]

This is just going to be a ramble about everything Sherlock. You’re most welcome to discuss or just ignore it. I needed the space to vent.

I watched Sherlock. Again. I think it’s beginning to become my annual tradition. And I have a crisis. Don’t get me wrong, I am always Sherlollian at heart. It’s just… I have doubts sometimes. And what triggered those doubts this time was the fact that Sherlock calls Molly “John”. Twice. And then Irene Adler. And then one post on Tumblr. And many, many more.

OK, these are just my random thoughts. Enjoy if you’re willing to read them.

 1. “John”. “Molly”.

We often mix up names of people we consider to have the same place in our lives. Which is good, right? Right. Only, in Sherlock’s case, we’d have lean into the theory that Sherlock does love John romantically and feels the same way about Molly. Or concede the fact that he loves them both platonically. Neither of these options is really satisfying, isn’t it? Well, that’s why I’m struggling… One could say he’s in denial of feelings for Molly and identifies them as friendship, as this is the strongest, purest relationship in his life, the only one he describes as emotional and the closest he’s ever had to love. Besides, Molly and John are similar in one way – they both share the same – medical – knowledge. Of course, Sherlock doesn’t realise her other qualities until The Reichenbach Fall when she says she can help him whenever he needs it. It’s not until she’s honest with him again and tells him, without a shred of grudge, that she knows she means nothing to him, that he realises he has at least two friends. He calls her “John” when his mind is busy with something else, so there’s no room for any purposeful confusion. The same thing happens in The Empty Hearse. What else can it mean if not friendship?

 2. Nothing Hits Like Irene

Irene Adler is created as the love interest for Sherlock. Is she, though? Well, we see Sherlock utterly confused upon their first meeting. We also see him flirting and creating an atmosphere of sexual tension for the first time. OK, he saves her but then she vanishes, he got over her, I thought. And all was fine until The Lying Detective came and Irene Adler sent a text to Sherlock, first in such a long time. John, of course, suggests that if Sherlock should be romantically involved with anyone, it should be her. And then it hit me.

Irene Adler is the symbol of chemistry in Sherlock’s life.

She’s a dominatrix. She’s all about sex, that’s obvious. At the critical point of The Scandal in Belgravia Sherlock says: I believe John Watson thinks love’s a mystery for me but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very distractive. Sherlock discovers that he, indeed, can have chemistry with people. He doesn’t mention love, he merely says sentiment, referring to the crush Irene Adler had on him. She is, indeed, a simple distraction – you can see it clearly in his memory palace when he yells at her to get away. But Molly… Molly stays. She leads him through the entire process of surviving a shot.

And then Irene Adler returns in The Lying Detective. John confesses to Sherlock about texting with a stranger met on the bus. And that he wanted more. Sherlock says everyone gets to be human sometimes. Even he can’t resist the urge of replying to Irene Adler sometimes. It was all about attraction again.

And that’s why she’s not considered a romantic relationship in his life. John rambles about love changing him, to be more specific, the love of his woman changing him. But he says Irene’s a dangerous criminal. How would that change Sherlock in any way?

In The Final Problem, upon deducing the coffin, John suggests Irene Adler but she’s not his first thought in general once they all hear that this is about someone who loves Sherlock. Sherlock’s response is very telling: Don’t be ridiculous. Look at the coffin. It seems like Sherlock pieces the puzzle at once – the coffin, plus the “name” on the lid – it couldn’t have been Irene Adler.

And that’s why Sherlock calls her The Woman. As a symbol of his sexuality. The Woman who’s woken up certain impulses in his life.

 3. Makeshift Gauge

Who is she?, Sherlock asks John in His Last Vow.

Based on what Mofftiss duo said about Molly, she was supposed to be featured in two episodes top. Yet, she stayed. The uncanonical character not only stayed but became fans’ favourite. I think she became a useful tool for Moffat and Gatiss. I think that not only she represents Sherlock heart (of which existence he has no idea at first) but later becomes our makeshift gauge. For what? For measuring Sherlock’s progress. See, it’s like when you live with someone, you don’t notice when they put on weight or grew a little but those who see less of them will notice all changes right away. So, when Sherlock runs around with John, we don’t notice the change in his behaviour at once (also because he’s always been nice to him, from the very beginning), we need to focus to see that. But Molly pops by once per episode and we see how Sherlock’s perception changes. In season one, he has good intentions, but they turn out bad. In season two, he’s more neutral but doesn’t restrain himself from rude comments. And Molly is being Molly – tells him he’s rude in her natural, soft way and he says sorry. For the first time. Without anyone making him do that. Almost the same happens in The Reichenbach Fall – but this time, Molly doesn’t let herself be fooled by Sherlock’s arrogance and just ignores it, going straight to the point. She says: “I’m here for you” and lowers his defences. In season three, he spends an entire day with her, smiles at her and is the sweetest, softest Sherlock we’ve ever seen. Moreover, when Lestrade asks him about her helping him solve cases, he says: [John] is not in the picture anymore, implying that she not necessarily had to be a temporary replacement. In season four, he says I love you to her.

What can we deduce about his heart?

 4. The Eurus Conundrum

We could write an entire book about Eurus and not even be able to grasp her spirit. I’m not going to do that right now.

I have issues with what happened in season four finale. I mean – Molly, of course. Mycroft says Eurus and Jim Moriarty met five years ago, so before Moriarty revealed himself to Sherlock. They both planned the entire game for Sherlock. Does that mean Sherlock never really won with him? Does that mean Moriarty let him use Molly to “win”? Since she was included in Eurus’ plan, we can safely assume Jim knew about Molly back then. At first, when I saw Moriarty saying We both know that’s not quite true [that you don’t have a heart] in many Sherlolly fanvids, I was like naaaaah. He didn’t see her as one of the important people in Sherlock’s life, it couldn’t have been a reference to their meeting. But now… how deeply back in time was Eurus’ plan allocated? Which events did she predict?

Or maybe I’m missing something? Any thoughts on this?

 5. Sherlock Evergreen

I once came across a post here, about how BBC Sherlock is literature, about sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s struggle with his own genius character. He was over with him, didn’t feel like writing any more of his stories so he killed him, but fans demanded more. He kept writing, although he hated it from the bottom of his heart. Season four, so often considered as the worst of all of them, is a way of saying that Sherlock character is, unfortunately, invincible. Immortal. He will live forever. We can’t kill him, no one can. Even his creator couldn’t have done it.

In season four, Sherlock goes back to the start. He is a clean slate again. He went through the entire process of change – became a good Sherlock, considerate of other people’s feelings and emotions, appreciative, supportive, loving, ready to mend what he broke. That interpretation, although very good, kind of killed my Sherlolly spirit. But I guess every interpretation like this would do it. If we stop treating characters like real human being, we’re left with what they really are – a construct, tools, puppets in the author’s hands.

Based on this, I think we’re safe to say there will never be a fifth season of BBC Sherlock (gosh, how I wish I was wrong!). Why? Because, despite what Moffat said in an interview once (after season three finale he said they’ve plotted out the entire fourth and fifth season – liar, liar, pants on fire!), season four had the perfect ending. As mentioned above, Sherlock became a good man and Mary Watson summed up what Sherlock is all about: two man, a genius junkie and a former soldier, who solve the weirdest, the toughest of cases together in flat on 221B Baker Street. Now, Sherlock is ready to be taken over by other artists who may find a new way to tell his story (though, I don’t think so) all over again.

And that’s a big, big shame… I think I speak for at least most of Sherlollians when I say we’d like to see Sherlock and Molly’s first encounter after the call. The finale really closed all the story arcs and subplots, except for this one. I mean, c’mon. You don’t have to be a Sherlollian to be annoyed by this – just remember that it was such a “biggie” that Moffat was asked about this in an interview. And this may be another reason as to why we won’t ever get a fifth season of Sherlock – because that would mean taking a side. And none of the creators will do it because Sherlock cannot be an open-and-shut case. It has to be like literature: big, open, twisted, unclear and full of room for interpretation. As long as there’s no certain explanation – yes, Sherlock loves Molly, no, Sherlock is gay – we create more and more content out of the need of closure. Thanks to the room for interpretation, the story lives. I mean, it’s been four years since The Final Problem airing and here I am, discussing BBC Sherlock still.

 Coming back to Sherlolly… don’t worry. Though I’m still not sure that we can harvest any hard evidence for Sherlock’s feelings for Molly (other than friendship and respect), I’m still a Sherlollian. There two new fics waiting for me to pull myself together and write them. I think it’s good to have doubts – it means my brain hasn’t rotten yet and I can still be critical, I’m able of having my own opinions.

 Thank you if you managed to read it all! I’d love to discuss if you have any conclusions. If not, that’s fine, too. I just needed it get it out of my system.

PS WHY DOES MY POSTS IN ENGLISH SOUND SO SOPHISTICATED IN MY HEAD BUT WHEN I PUT THEM IN WRITING, THEY’RE SO SHITTY?!

[kpopfanfictrash]

Mind in the Gutter: Drabble

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: Jungkook

Word Count: 1,447

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An accompanying drabble to Mind in the Gutter. This drabble takes place during the events of MITG and is Jungkook’s POV during the infamous Skype chat Rhea has with Y/N.

[ PART OF MY JUNGKOOK BIRTHDAY DRABBLE GAME ]

Lounged in his seat, Jungkook rummaged in his snack bag for the final corner chip. He’d made the unfortunate mistake of eating lunch early, and if there was one thing Jungkook knew for certain, it was that he needed to eat at regular intervals.

Clicking open on the latest IT ticket he’d been assigned, Jungkook read through the request. Rhea Owens, from HR, was having difficulty with her Outlook – each time she updated a meeting, it didn’t sync to anyone’s calendar.

Sighing under his breath, Jungkook leaned forward and brushed his crumbs over the trash. Rhea was nice, if a bit loud and overly intrusive regarding his personal life. She’d been trying to set Jungkook up for years with little success. Jungkook had actually gone on a few blind dates on her recommendation, but every single one had crashed and burned. All people wanted to talk about was themselves, or worse, some actually wanted to talk about Jungkook.

Whenever he told people about his job, their eyes instantly glazed over. It got even worse when he mentioned his hobbies – most people equated bowling to the lowest tier of sports; only acceptable when one couldn’t do anything else. For this reason, Jungkook preferred to talk about himself as little as possible.

People often said he was quiet, but Jungkook didn’t see it that way. It was just that people rarely listened whenever he did speak.

Opening the ticket up on his screen, Jungkook read Rhea’s request from top to bottom. It should be fairly easy to solve, although he’d need to navigate around her computer in order to check her settings. Throwing his snack in the trash, Jungkook sent Rhea a ping.

INTER-OFFICE SKPE MESSAGE [1:05 PM]

Jeon, Jungkook: Hi, Rhea! I received your IT ticket and am free to assist whenever you have a second. Do you have time now?

Rhea answered almost immediately.

Owens, Rhea: JK!! For you? I have 1,000 minutes

Owens, Rhea: not really, though

Owens, Rhea: I actually have a 1:30 meeting – is that enough time?

Shaking his head, Jungkook typed back.

Jeon, Jungkook: That’s more than enough lol. I do need to take control of your computer, though – is that alright? I’d recommend closing any confidential information before I do.

Rhea agreed and, after a minute, pinged Jungkook so he could proceed. Rhea shared her screen and Jungkook clicked navigate at the top of the window. A quick scan of her Outlook showed everything to be in order. Jungkook frowned, puzzled.

Jeon, Jungkook: Your settings are right… let me check with my manager. He mentioned something in our huddle about a new update causing issues. Be right back!

Owens, Rhea: Okay, sure! Take your time

Jungkook stood and called to his boss over the top of his cubicle. He suggested a fix Jungkook hadn’t considered and he sat back down, ready to relay the information, only to freeze.

Your name blinked at Jungkook from Rhea’s computer. More than that – you seemed to be talking about him to Rhea, an idea which seemed so incomprehensible, it made his heart stop.

Y/L/N, Y/N: I have a giant ass crush on Jeon Jungkook

Jungkook continued to stare at the impossibility before his mind forced him to read the rest of your conversation. Maybe there were context clues to better understand. Obviously, you couldn’t mean him. Maybe there was another Jeon Jungkook at the company. Maybe you knew another meaning to the word crush. He continued to reach for other explanations, each one slipping through his fingers like water.

Rhea attempted to stop your confession – albeit, not very well. She probably thought Jungkook was still away from the computer. Or maybe not, and she was interfering again. Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to care.

He knew he should stop you, knew he should interject and let Rhea know he could see, but he just kept reading your words on the screen. You thought he was perfect, even called him gorgeous. You thought he was sweet, cute and funny and Jungkook’s vision began to blur, hardly daring believe someone felt that way about him.

You were the one who was all those things, not him. You were the perfect one, the one who’d sat beside him in a bar and actually made him want to remove his façade. You even went to his bowling meet, for fuck’s sake, having the audacity to seem interested when he talked.

Jungkook had harbored a crush on you for weeks, but never imagined you might like him back. Silly, he supposed, reading through your list of reasons. He winced when you told Rhea about that time he shot banana milk from his nose – but then, impossibly, you noted how cute it was. Jungkook’s eyes widened.

He’d replayed that day thousands of times in his mind, certain he’d irreparably damaged the way you saw him. He was sure you wouldn’t see him romantically after that and yet here you were, pouring out your feelings to Rhea.

Jungkook nearly punched a fist in the air – only to pause at the next words you typed. Rhea wanted you to ask Jungkook out; an idea you balked at for reasons unknown. These reasons were soon revealed by Rhea’s gentle prodding.

Owens, Rhea: so, the last guy

Owens, Rhea: the dick who broke your heart

Owens, Rhea: he doesn’t have anything to do with the new move, new job situation, does he?

Jungkook’s heart sank. Of course there was another guy. No one as funny, talented and beautiful as you could possibly alone – he’d been afraid of something like this from the start, but as the weeks went by and no one mentioned a boyfriend, he had let himself hope.

Your next words were even more crushing than any admittance of a relationship.

Y/L/N, Y/N: Ahh, you know. The usual. I thought we’d be together forever. He thought it was too early to settle down. We mutually made the decision to break up

Y/L/N, Y/N: you know, because he slept with someone else

Jungkook felt his fury grow the longer he stared at the screen.

The idea of someone cheating on you – on you! – was completely unfathomable. Jungkook had never held cheaters in particularly high regard, but right then he hoped your past boyfriend suffered the same fate as Tantalus. The idea of someone hurting you, of taking your open heart and crushing it like that – Jungkook relaxed his fist, realizing he had clenched it.

Forcing himself to sit back, Jungkook continued to watch you type but remained lost in thought. He didn’t blame you for wanting to protect yourself, for not wanting to be hurt any more than you were. As someone who’d been hurt himself, and often, he understood that innate desire.

What bothered him was your underlying assumption here. The only reason you didn’t want to ask him out was because you thought he didn’t like you back. Jungkook had to go back and re-read that part several times for it to sink in.

No matter how appealing his current method of self-preservation was, it had led you to assume he didn’t like you. Jungkook stared at the screen, baffled and began to think back. There had been several times now he could’ve asked you out, he supposed. That day in your cubicle when he pretend to fix your software for an hour, or maybe after the meet when you lingered on the curb.

He could’ve asked you out either time, but he didn’t and now you were afraid he didn’t like you back.

Abruptly, Jungkook stood from his chair. He took one confident stride towards the hall before promptly sitting down to bury his face in his hands. Confessing to you in your work cubicle was hardly the epitome of romance. He should confess, but at the right time.

Lifting his head to swivel around, Jungkook realized Rhea had hidden the conversation, so presumably that meant it was over. No matter how much he wanted to text you and say in all caps, LET’S DATE, that probably wasn’t the best way to go about this. He should go slow, let you know of his feelings, maybe even flirt a little – the idea twisted his stomach in knots.

It would be alright though, since you liked him. Jungkook couldn’t stop the grin which spread over his face as he returned to his work.

This weekend, he decided, closing out Rhea’s ticket. There was the bowling meet you and Rhea were supposed to come to on Saturday. He would tell you then because honestly, he didn’t think he could wait any longer. All he had to do was hold out until then.

 © kpopfanfictrash, 2020. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[betelgeusessonajblog]

Carlos’ Story

So I’m not doing the “FULL LIFE.” of Carlos but from when he was about 17-30ish. Carlos’ Childhood was pretty much normal. Loving parents, did well in school, had some bullies here and there but nothing awful. Anyways Enjoy

A young 17 year old Carlos sits with four of his friends, watching TV. It was the weekend for them and they were trying to find something fun to do.

One of the monsters sighs, he was a grey monster with a pair of horns on his head and was on a bit on the chubby side, turns to his friends and says “Alright fuck this I’m bored, TV sucks ass. You guys up for doing Truth or Dare?”

The others looked at Each other before shrugging “Couldn’t hurt.” was the general consensuses. It beat sitting around being bored all day.

So they all went upstairs to the grey monster’s bedroom, Carlos folds his arms a little “I think we should agree on one thing: Nothing extreme that could get us in hospital or in trouble, Sammy.”

The grey monster, Sammy, nodded in agreement “Sounds good to me. Last thing I need is my parents biting my head off.”

“Doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of Truth or Dare?” Another monster asked, this one was a monster that had tentacles for legs and spikes on his head.

“Dan, don’t you remember the fucking BITCH fit my mom had when she saw those broken boards when we broke them for fun? they weren’t even being used for anything, just sitting around.”  Sammy said as he shook his head.

“Didn’t one of those boards also fly up and smack you in the junk?” Carlos asked as Sammy winced

“Yeah....Alright so her anger wasn’t unwarranted....” Sammy said before muttering under his breath “washopingyouguyswouldn’trememberthat.”

The others chuckled before they sat on the floor and began playing Truth or Dare. Some of the dares were dumb like letting the darer to send a nonsense text to a random contact in their phone or do laps around the house backwards which usually ended up with someone falling flat on their ass. 

They knew if they do anything stupid they would end up in MASSIVE trouble so they had to keep it as tame as possible. They didn’t care though, they were joking around and having fun, laughing like idiots.

At one point on one of Carlos’ turn, Sammy asked him ‘Truth or Dare’ and up until now, he had been trying to avoid dares as much as possible so deciding to try something different Carlos answered “Alright...Dare me.”

Sammy folds his arms as he thought for a few moments before smirking “Alright....I dare you to...Kiss Mike.”

Mike, whom was drinking his soda, did a spit take hearing that and began coughing “Wh-What?!” they exclaimed in unison

“You heard me. I dare you and, Mike to kiss.” Sammy smirked as he leans backwards, Dan snickers a little at their reaction.

Mike looks at Carlos, both of them sighed heavily, they were reluctant to do it but decided “Fine, can’t ruin the fun.”

Mike moved closer to Carlos and they both took a moment before sharing a brief kiss on the lips before Mike quickly pulled away, wiping his mouth “Ugh why’d you dare that?”

Sammy chuckled “Cause it’s funny seeing you guys freak.”

Carlos was silent for a few moments before looking at the time “Alright, I gotta head off. Mom and, Dad’ll kill me if I’m out too late.”

“Aw you aren’t staying longer? Was Mike that bad of a kisser~?” Sammy snickered.

Carlos shook his head “Goodbye, you dorks.” he said before heading back to his house and greeted his mom and, dad. They told him they would order dinner tonight so Carlos smiled before heading upstairs.

He grabbed a quick shower before changing into his pyjamas then sat down on the bed. He sighs a little as he begins to think over that...kiss It felt...oddly nice...he lays down and begins thinking it over.

The last few weeks he’d found himself checking out his classmates or staring at an actor in a movie he was watching. He blushes lightly as he starts to realise he was interested in guys. This was the first time he had ever thought about it but....yeah he couldn’t deny it, he liked guys.

Over the next few days, Carlos had kept quiet to himself thinking if he should come out to anyone or not. When in class, he’d occasionally glance at another guy.

One evening, Carlos was browsing the web, looking at websites for advice about this kinda thing. He’d got his homework done for the night so he had time to kill. 

There were some horror stories about someone being disowned for coming out to his family so that started to freak him out, what if his parents reacted the same way? What if they disowned him and kicked him out? No...they wouldn’t do that...would they? They loved him....right?

Soon his Mom came to the bottom of the stairs and called up to him that the dinner they had ordered had arrived.

He got out of his seat then headed downstairs and sat at the table then began to eat his dinner. 

He was silent as he ate which his parents noticed, Carlos’ dad looked at his wife then to Carlos “Carlos? are you alright, son?” he asked, concerned that something happened to him.

Carlos paused for a few moments before putting his fork down “...I um...” he sighs heavily “I...I realised something about myself recently...”

HIs parents looked confused before Carlos continued “...Over the last few weeks....I started....checking out other guys....and I’ve realised I...I really like them...w-we were playing Truth or Dare the other day and I was dared to kiss Mike and we did and...it...the kiss felt nice...I’m not into him in that romantically but I honestly...I liked how it felt....” 

Neither of them said anything until Carlos was finished speaking to which his mom said “Oh honey we love you no matter what.”

His dad nodded in agreement “Yeah, son. We’ve always told you that we’d love you no matter what. You’re still our son, you’re still Carlos.” they were both smiling, all that worrying....for nothing.

Carlos couldn’t help but begin to cry, feeling relieved that he’d came out to his parents, that he was able to talk to them. His parents got up and gave Carlos a long hug, this was more than enough to reassure his mind that it was real, he was accepted.

The following year after graduating from high school, Carlos came out to Sammy, Mike and, Dan. They said they were cool with him, he was still the same ‘dork’ they’d always known.

Carlos had decided to attend the local community college with Sammy whilst Mike and, Dan had gone to different ones. The first day at college was uneventful and rather boring. 

Carlos and, Sammy got the full tour of their campus and had managed to get their ID’s sorted out and their dorm room keys. They weren’t in the same dorm but were neighbours which they were both happy about, long as they could still hang out.

Carlos checked his dorm key number then the door before he unlocked it then walked inside. On the bed, reading a book, was a dog-like monster had two small horns on his head, he had a pretty muscular body from what Carlos could see.

The dog-like monster looked up from his book,  his eyes were a light blue colour, He smiled a little “oh hey, you my roomie?” he asked

Carlos nodded “Yep, I am.” he walks over with a smile as he put his bag down on the free bed “I’m Carlos Garcia.” he said as he held his hand out to shake the dog-like monster’s hand.

He smiles before shaking Carlos’ hand “I’m Oliver Sanders. You can call me Ollie. It’s nice to meet you, Carlos.”

“Likewise.” Carlos said with a smile as he sat down. The two began to chat, and get to know each other. They laughed about how long the tour took, bonded over video games they’d played or movies they’d seen.

Over the next few months Carlos and, Ollie had began hanging out a lot. Playing games in their down time when not studying, they'd watch movies together. Slowly but surely Carlos started to fall for Ollie, the two of them were enjoying each other’s company but, Carlos didn’t say anything at first.

One evening whilst the two were watching a movie, Ollie snuggled into Carlos which caused the lizard to blush heavily. He slowly wraps an arm around Ollie whom smiled a little before looking up “Finally making a move, huh?” he asked 

Carlos looked down “Wh-What...?” he blushed deeper before Ollie snickered then sat up “Carlos....for the last month  I’ve had feelings for you....”

"Y-You do...?” Carlos asked as Ollie nodded smiling “...I...I like you too...a lot....”

Ollie smiles before leaning in a little, Carlos did the same. And soon the two were kissing each other deeply and passionately, they moaned softly as they made out before eventually pulling away.

Ollie smirked a little “God you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that.”

Carlos panted a little as he pressed his forehead against Ollie’s “I’ve...never kissed anyone like that....”

“Yeah...? Well I’m so happy we got to do that, handsome.” Ollie said still smiling.

The two spent the remainder of the night, talking about when they realised they were into guys. Carlos told Ollie about the dare and how he was panicked. Ollie told Carlos about how he and his best friend made out when they were seventeen but nothing ever came from it, relationship wise. It was just two friends experimenting. 

Ollie admitted that he had never came out to his family, he was too afraid to do so. Carlos understood and told him he’d support him no matter what.

Eventually summer came so Carlos and, Ollie decided to hangout together at Ollie’s home a lot. Luckily for them they were only half an hour away from each other so when they got home for the summer, things went well at first.

They met each others friends and everyone ended up getting along together rather well and hung out constantly. They’d chill out at the arcades or go see a movie. Things were going great.

That is until Ollie decided to come out to his family, he knew that he and Carlos’ relationship couldn’t remain hidden forever. Especially considering they could be seen by Ollie’s older brothers.

This...didn’t go well for poor Ollie, unfortunately. His family were instantly furious hearing their son was “a faggot.” called him all kinds of names not just faggot but all sorts of nasty things. He was ultimately kicked out of his house and ended up spending the night at Carlos’ place

Carlos spent the night holding Ollie, kissing him and telling him that they weren’t worthy of having him in their life.

A few days passed and, Carlos got some of his and, Ollie’s friends together and told them what happened. They decided they’d pull together what money they had to get Ollie an apartment for a while.

Ollie was absolutely touched by their gesture and so grateful for his friends and, boyfriend. They had got him some furniture and, Carlos’ parents chipped in a little so Ollie would have some groceries.

Ollie and, Carlos sat together on the couch that night, Ollie was laying with his head on Carlos’ lap, the lizard was stroking his boyfriend’s head gently.

“You....you’re an incredible boyfriend, Carlos..” Ollie said as he teared up again “S-Sorry I just can’t believe you’d do that for me.”

Carlos kisses Ollie’s forehead gently “Of course I would, Oll...you mean the world to me....”

"....I...I love you, Carlos...” Ollie said as he took Carlos’ hand “I mean that....”

Carlos smiled a little before kissing Ollie on the lips “I love you too, honey....”

That night, the two had sex together for the first time. Up until that point, they were both too nervous to do it but this time, it felt right. Showing how much they loved each other. It was gentle but passionate.

A couple days later, Ollie got himself a job at a retail place. He couldn’t rely on everyone else paying for his apartment for ever. The job wasn’t the best but to Ollie, it was better than nothing

A few weeks pass, Carlos had walked Oliver to work due to him having to do some errands for his mom and Dad. So when they got to the front door, Carlos gave Ollie a small kiss on the lips before Carlos walked off to do what he needed to do.

As soon as Ollie walked in, his boss began to yell at him for ‘indecent display’  with Carlos. Calling them vile, sinners and that they should be ashamed of themselves and soon the boss fired Ollie, despite Ollie trying to defend himself.

Things unfortunately spiralled out of control for Ollie rather quickly after that. Despite trying his hardest to get a job, he failed to find one that would either give him decent pay or one that was hiring.

Eventually, Ollie lost his apartment and ended up being homeless. Some nights he’d sleep at a homeless shelter. So when he hung out with his friends and, Carlos he would act as though everything was okay.

When he’d stay at Carlos’ home for the night, Ollie would use Carlos’ bathroom to shower and wash his fur. Carlos didn’t think anything was wrong cause Ollie kept acting like his usual, happy go lucky self.

That is until Carlos found out about Ollie being fired which lead to them having their first ever fight. Ollie still never admitted to his friends or Carlos that he was homeless, just that he lost his job because his boss was a douche.

They started fighting more often when their friends found out about Ollie losing his job due to his sexuality. Eventually they smoothed things out and apologised to each other.

One night, two months after losing his job and ending up homeless, Ollie was sat with Carlos eating dinner together in Carlos when Ollie looked at his partner “So um...I’ve been thinking......maybe we should...move in together?”

Carlos, whom was in the middle of drinking a soda, began coughing and sputtering “W-What??”

“I said, I think we should move in together.” Ollie repeated himself, a serious look on his face.

Carlos coughed a couple times “A...Are we ready for that??” he asked after he stopped coughing

“What? are you saying you don’t want to move in with me??” Ollie asked, feeling upset at the thought of not living with his boyfriend.

“H-Hon we’ve only been together a few months. W-We’re still in college. S-Shouldn’t we think about that after we graduate?”

Ollie didn’t say anything, he was hoping Carlos would jump at the chance to move in together...they loved each other so much, right? He sighed but nodded a little “Y-Yeah I’m sorry hon.” he got up and grabbed his coat “I’m gonna head home for the night.”

“You don’t wanna stay over?” Carlos asked to which Ollie shook his head

“Nah...I’m...I’m gonna try and get an early night then see if I can find a job. Gotta keep at it. I’m okay, hon.” he smiled before heading out the door. Carlos walked to the door “...I love you, Ollie....”

Ollie turned his head to Carlos and gave, what looked like, a genuine smile “I love you too, Carlos.”

After that night, no one saw Ollie for a few days. Carlos began to get more and, more worried. He tried Ollie’s apartment at first but quickly found out his boyfriend had been lying to him for a while about still living there when a new tenant opened the door.

Carlos called Sammy and their friends to help him find Ollie which everyone agreed to. They spent the next two days trying to hunt him down, checking all of Ollie’s favourite spots.

There was one last spot that Carlos hadn’t checked, it was a spot that Ollie had told him about that he used to hide out in when Ollie was a kid.

Carlos decided to check out that area, he looked around remembering the small details Ollie told him. Eventually Carlos gets to where Ollie told him about where he would hide.

Upon arriving there....Carlos saw Ollie hanging on a tree, a noose tied around his neck...lifeless. He dropped to his knees and begins sobbing uncontrollably, he had lost his partner in a matter of seconds. 

He spots a note attached to Ollie’s body so Carlos shakily stands up and and takes the note off Ollie’s torso then begins to read the note

‘My dearest Carlos...I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner but I’ve been dealing with depression for quite some time now. I hadn’t told you this but I had lost not only my job, but I also lost my home. That’s why I asked you about moving in together. But please understand that this was NOT your fault, not at all. I just...I can’t handle this any more. So...I decided to end my life. I will never stop loving you, Carlos. I will always be watching over you. You were the greatest part of my life for the last few months or so. I’m so glad that I got to spend time with you. I love you always....Ollie.”

Carlos wailed and sobbed uncontrollably, he felt so guilty over losing his partner. He begins going over everything in his head, thinking had he just noticed sooner, maybe he could’ve helped Ollie.

Those next few weeks were the darkest of Carlos’ life, he found himself fighting depression, There was a small funeral for Oliver that Carlos’ family raised money for. They loved Ollie as if he were their own so this was the least they could do.

Carlos went there and was very...numb during the funeral....but eventually broke down watching Ollie’s coffin being lowered into the ground. His parents hugged Carlos tightly, this was something they never wanted their son to go through.

Many years later, Carlos had been in therapy for a year after Ollie’s death and it was still something that haunted him every now and then. Things had changed quite significantly since then.

During his time in college, Carlos decided to get a job to after everything that had happened, he wanted to be independent from his parents and not rely on them for money any more.

So he found himself working in a strip club as a waiter until three years later at 21, he was asked to cover a co-worker’s shift due to them being sick.. He was reluctant to do so due not feeling confident in his ability to dance but he agreed to do it, thinking it’d help him.

And so, Carlos found his passion for dancing after his performance was well received.

One night lead to Carlos’ life changing in the best way ever. Whilst heading home from work, a young lizard attempted to pick his pocket and Carlos caught him in the act and chased him to an alleyway.

When he caught the young lizard, he paused and took note of the lizard’s appearance....he was homeless....just like Ollie was. After introducing themselves to each other and hearing AJ’s story, Carlos decided to take him in. 

He didn’t want someone living on the streets, not if he could do something about it...maybe this was his attempt at helping the guilt he still felt to this day over Ollie’s death.

[letsperaltiago]

ok time to break my silence caused by the fact that i spent all day making this lol too many feels 

so.. palm springs thoughts !! and there are manyyyy so buckle up and feeel free to hit me up with either matching or contradicting thoughts or whateveer!! i would LOVE to nerd out about this movie with someone:’)

here comes thoughts and pictures!! 

we basically start off with a mr. samberg sex-scene okAYYYYY the mood is set. we love the view

nyles aka. mr. samberg is the most gorgeous man alive and it was a true pleasure to admire him for 90 minutes straight 

CURLS!!????! THEY ARE UNREAL. i shall dedicate an entire post to them

Cristin Milioti is perfect for her role. her acting? *chef’s kiss* I love that she’s not the stereotypical female rom-com lead.

Her chemistry with Andy? Gosh.. Can’t believe Nyles x Sarah is my new main movie-ship!! They play off of each other SO. WELL. Their characters are equally stone cold and bitter, but then again not really, and they both portray it so well!!

“You don’t ned a leg up.” *moans* “Hold my leg up!” i SCREAMED

“Don’t you kiss me.” “Don’t you tell me what to do.” hoW DARE THEY!

Ok ur basically on love already stop it

The fact that they were just gonna fuck on a blanket on top OF ROCKS?!

but then again in this movie’s already insane universe it’s prob pretty normal:)

The overall dark, existential humor?? This is what I live and breathe for on a daily basis. Basiaclly both main characters are a BIG MOOD

Nyles not giving a shit vs. Sarah severely freaking out in the beginning is an iconic dynamic

“I am the antichrist” and then the rock falling? For a hot sec I literally thought the movie was gonna take a turn with Nyles being some magical/scientific creature that’d created the timeloop or something idkkk ahhha

Nyles in the suit... ridiculous(ly hot)

The torture methods Roy uses on Nyles and the fact that he’s not mentally scarred?? How?? 

On that note I love that Nyles and Sarah keep their memories even if the day starts over. Would’ve been a completely different concept if they had to “meet each other for the first time” every day and it wouldn’t’ve allowed their relationship arc to evolve as it did 

Darla is the fucking shit 

Nyles in the baseball cap, amirite?

THE BARTENDER TALKING ABOUT HITTING A GUY WITH THE CAR SHE’S CURRENTLY GIVING NYLES A HANDJOB IN IS COMEDIC GOLD 

“You fucked Jerry Schlieffen?” “Well he fucked me.” Yes SIR. Andy Samberg’s characters are all bottoms and we’re here for it

Sarah’s tongue click and “nice try” when Nyles asks her about her sex life?? 

IDK WHY BUT SO GOD

Randy is hella annoying. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

THIS ENTIRE SCENE:

the fact that they both start waking up smiling because now at least they have each other 🥺😭🤯

uhm i love a good ship that’s like... best friends to lovers and the montage of them basically becoming besties killed me 

this outfit Y E S: 

sarah falling off the car and nyles laughing it off is relationship goals

the crashing plane I LOL’ED

okay so... big moment... the DANCING AND MATCHING OUTFITS? THEY ARE MY DREAM TEAM. Also how excited they are running away from the bar 🥺

IM POSITIVE THIS IS THE MOMENT NYLES KNOWS! LIKE HE DOESN’T ADMIT IT TO HIMSELF COMPLETELY BUT HE KNOWS 

the bomb in the cake and french pirate-skit? so fucking random but i lovee it because it’s so them

*DRUM ROLL* PERHAPS MY FAVORITE MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE: 

STORYLINE WISE AND VISUALLY A++++

the deep talks by the fire were SO well written. they were actually deep and genuine, allowing the characters to grow and opening up to us as viewers but also remained fun and witty

sarah trying to get nyles to admit he cares for her and him joking it off??? the flirtinggg

really wish we’d gotten to know more about what nyles meant with “it drifts away: just like they all do.” because it really seemed to trigger something within him. Like WHO “They”???

the dinosaurs lmao no comment but at least they got a cute cuddly moment

from the very first millisecond inside the tent you can CLEARLY tell Sarah is just dying to do something about them!!!

 the disbelief on nyles’ face when sarah says “lets just get it over with” because she’d clearly stated he didn’t want to and even though he obviously did he’s respected it and not done anything further about it oh babey

we love some good making out:’))) 

NYLES HALTING TO TAKE IN THE MOMENT EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO SCREAM INTO THE VOID 

i will die for a post-sexy timez cuddle and how sarah is trying to staying awake to be besides him is just *explosion* 

this has to be *the moment* she realises 

and they’re both sooooo fucking happy when they wake up after damn love me like that pls

THE GROOM BOOO FUCK OFF CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER HIS NAME CHEATING SCUM 

THIS FACE:

Baby is trying so hard and is so cute and nervous about it. SARAH LISTEN TO HIM HE LOVES YOU.

HE FELT GOOD WAKING UP BECAUSE OF YOUUUU, GIRL. DO NOT CALL IT “FUN”, SARAH 

“Going to bed maybe just got a little better” 😭😭😭😭

The entire cop scene is just pure insanity, very Lonely Island and I’m here for it even though I just want Sarah to rEALLY LISTEN TO WHAT NYLES IS TRYING TO SAY 

“Pain is real” oh babey that means SO MANY THINGS 🥺💔

“I followed you into that cave because I liked you!” like jake would say: don’t love how we got here but we’re going where i want

“pretentious sad boy” me

not shocked that they’ve hooked up before because c h e m i s t r y but don’t like how it got out :)))

why is nyles’ one sleeve shirt rolled up? im triggered

drinking pure vodka? oh babey its gonna be okay 

WE LOVE A SMART BOI WHO RECOGNIZES HIS GIRL’S PERFUME 

Sarah’s parents singing:)) i would cry too, nyles

"I love her.” “I see... That’s interesting” lmao savage

I actually really love Roy’s character. It turns out to be very humble actually and he has some insightful and lowkey poetic that lines i love. Besides that he’s hilarious. 

SO the whole time i was wondering how they’d get out of the whole “same day forever”-thing, if they were to. and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they had such a logical way out of it: science. Not anything cheesy like “a true love’s kiss” or “you learned your lesson”. Pure logic and Sarah’s hard work to get there. Huge fan of this. 

I will never get over how good Nyles looks waking up and Sarah is xtra pretty in that scene:’) 

Nyles just wants to stay in a loop forever because it means for sure that he gets to stay with Sarah forever and I’m lowkey into it but also like lowkey LISTEN TO HER AND GO WITH HER PLAN, NYLES

“I wanna stay with you” *sniffles*

“I love you. How about that?” PRETTY FUCKING GOOD 

I love Nyles’ character development. He started off so nonchalant and cold, closed off and by this point he’s the softest, smiliest in love fool I’ve ever seen and Andy does it so good. SAMBERG HEART EYES!!

“Nothing is real in here” YES SARAH UR LOVE IS

I’m taking Sarah’s asking Nyles to believe in her and leave with her as her first “I love you” because it’s very clear that she wants to leave with him rather than without. 

just- this entire scene i ugh <3 <3 <3 <3

BREAKING. UP. WITH. MISTY ! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

glass of wine filled to the brim? sarah’s my type of gal

the speech was really beautiful and sweet without being too cheesy and kudos to cristin for really delivering it like a pro! especially her “abe, don’t fuck this up” like yes girl kill him, chop him to pieces with your eyes!!! also camila is such really pretty bride

nyles looks like a cockatoo here :

nyles taking the shot and smashing the glass into the ground got me 🤭😵😏🥵

“I’m your son” I SCREAM

GIVE THE MAN A WHITE HORSE DAMNIT

Gotta admit Sarah looks like a bomb (lol nu pun intended) ass super hero in her bridesmaid dress and C4-gettup 

The sentence ending up being total grammatical gibberish but Nyles trying so. damn. hard is the sweetest thing ever and should and will go down in rom-com history. It’s super romantic but also well-balanced by humor and I just.. so good. This is the kind of characters and relationships I love and wanna write myself 

“you’re my favorite person that i’ve ever met” 🥺🥺🥺

“i’d rather die with you than live in this world without you” WHY AM I SO SINGLE SOMEONE LOVEE ME LIKE THIS 

okay so idk but “what if we get sick of each other?” “we’re already sick of each other. it’s the best.” is so so so soft, the way nyles says it like it doesn’t matter and is honestly another key moment for me: they’ve experienced basically everything imaginable during their time in the box/loop. they’ve liked, disliked, loved, hated each other and still: he loves her. the fact that nyles knows no matter what happens it won’t stop that because it’s them?? ouch my heart. 

this chaotic mess of a pairing?MESSY BOMB BRIDESMAID AND CURLY-HAIR HAWAII SHIRT-BOI!! MY OTp

Them dissing Nyles’ mom on their way into potential death? that’s love, baby 

the fUCKING KISSSSSSS MANNNNNNNNNN!!!! SO ICONIC AND THE EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND AND JUST WE DESERVE THIS THEY DESERVE THIS EVERYONE DESERVES THISSSS!!! 

NEVER OVEER THIS EVER FOREVER NEVER

Ok so I was SURE that when it faded to black that it was done and I grew super ficking frustrated because it would leave us with this “the ending is up to whatever you chose”-kinda thing kinda a la Celeste and Jesse where it just feels unresolved and I WASN’T OKAY WITH THAT. So I’m so happy we got to know that it worked and the bebes will live happuilly ever after with Nyles’ shaggy dog:’) 

Their hands on each other’s knee >>>>>

all in all 100000/10 

[pikemoreno]

if you ever wanna be in love

Chapter IV: Plan B and Other Messes

a/n: this is my favorite so far, but it’s only gonna get better from here!

taglist is open if you’d like to be added. sorry if you asked and i missed it or forgot. please just ask again if you aren’t on there and would like to be. :’)

pairing: marcus pike x f!reader

word count: 2k

warnings: none, and i don’t expect there to really be any serious ones in upcoming chapters either. this is just fun.

If this plan was foolproof, you were all worse than fools.

It had started fine. It had been more than a week since the disastrous failure that was Plan A, and you spent the week doing some reconnaissance to keep Wendy’s brief interaction with Adrian on the top of her mind.

On Tuesday, you had asked her again about the elevator incident, stating: “Wow, that must’ve been scary. Did you have someone with you? I don’t think I remember.” She responded that there had been and that he was “nice.” 

On Wednesday, you had asked her if she had caught the name of the “mystery man” in the elevator. Did he work in the building? What department? Was he cute? She had said that she “Didn’t catch his name or his department, but… Yeah, he was alright, I guess.” Not a lot to work from, you lamented, but it was a start. You told her you’d see what you could find out and she groaned, telling you not to get into it, that she was fine. If only she knew how late she was on that sentiment.

On Thursday, you had taken the day off from bothering her about it. After all, you couldn’t make it seem like you found out everything about him in a day. Because that would have just been absurd. 

Today-- Friday-- you spilled all of your “research” to her: name, age, department, and the information that he’d been “asking about her too”-- ignoring the fact that that was only true because Marcus had been giving him the same treatment you were giving Wendy this week. Her eyes lit up a little at hearing she’d been asked about too, and you knew you had her hook, line, and sinker.

You met Marcus outside on your lunch break to debrief and discuss the finale of Plan B, sitting on a wooden-slatted bench with him underneath the slowly changing leaves of the trees in the courtyard. While an uncharacteristically cool breeze blew by, you were starting to decide that if you could just get Wendy and Adrian to this point right here, that would be enough to bring them together. It was a quiet and secluded place, a blessed change from the chaos of work on the other side of those glass double doors in the distance. There was something undeniably romantic about it all. 

With the right person to share it with, of course.

This wasn’t a romantic exchange. It was planning, organizing, talking about another’s romance, and never your own. There was absolutely nothing inherently romantic about this, certainly nothing in the way he smiled at you from the corner of his eye as you talked about how the week had gone with Wendy. There was nothing in the way you admired the light in his eyes when he grinned and how they crinkled when he laughed and nothing in the way you wanted to make sure he laughed every single day.

Oh no. Oh no no no no. 

This whole thing was about Wendy, not you. And certainly not Marcus. 

“So, what’s the plan for this evening?” His question brought you out of your daze.

“Umm,” you cleared your throat, re-gathering yourself as you poked at your lunch with your fork. “We’re gonna text them both separately to meet us at Copper Coin for coffee. We won’t be there when they arrive. We’ll be twenty minutes late and hope that they’ve decided to sit together in that time. If they haven’t, we’ll make sure they do,” you shrugged. 

“Right,” he nodded, and you returned it. Silence overtook the moment, but not in the serene way it had previously. This was decidedly more awkward. You were back in your head, doing the mental calculations of why and how there was nothing at all romantic about your friendship with Art Squad over here. That’s all it was; that’s all he was. You vaguely heard him call your name-- your real name.

“Hm?” you blinked, looking back to him.

“Where’d you go?” he murmured quizzically, his eyes searched your face in a way that undid all of the mental calculation you just went through.

“What? Nowhere. Anyway,” you stood quickly, gathering your stuff, “See you later.” You couldn’t ignore the feeling of his curious eyes still on you as you walked away.

This was not happening.

You’d be lying if you said that lunchtime exchange wasn’t at the forefront of your mind for the rest of the work day... And as you drove to the coffee shop… And now that you were sitting across from Marcus yet again, waiting on Wendy and Adrian, who still had yet to show up after the predetermined twenty minutes you were giving them before sitting inside the mahogany-saturated, hipster’s paradise yourselves. 

Plan B was most certainly not foolproof, and the four of you were the grandest of fools. Where could they be?

“They’re gonna walk in and think we’re the ones on a date,” Marcus quipped as he took a sip of his drink. You almost spit yours out from the surprise of the comment, but couldn’t help the huff of laughter.

“Oh, if Wendy walked in and thought I was on a date with a guy like you, she would probably cry tears of joy.”

“What does that mean?” You missed the warm pink take over the skin of his neck at what he was hoping was a compliment. 

A guy like him? 

How did you see him? 

“My recent track record is not great,” you stated, running a finger around the rim of your drink, “I would go on a couple of dates with someone. Never let it go anywhere. Decline any attempt to make it exclusive. Get the hell out of there. Rinse and repeat.”

“Why do you think that is?” 

You were making him nervous. It was pretty obvious to him now that he was starting to be interested in you beyond just being a work friend helping him with a “project”. But hearing your hesitance to commit in the past made his heart sink. He knew too well the feeling of being the one more invested in the relationship, of scaring someone off by going all in. He couldn’t let himself fall into that again with you. He’d have to force himself away, push down what was threatening to blossom.

“Afraid of getting hurt, I guess. I’ve seen a lot of committed relationships around me fail. People falling out of love. I don’t want that.” You shrugged.

“That’s a very reasonable fear.”

“Exactly. So I’m just… Waiting I guess. Wendy sees it as me just having commitment issues. I don’t have commitment issues per se. I just haven’t really found anyone worth committing to yet.”

“I’m afraid I have the opposite problem.” You tilted your head, questioning, and he continued, “I haven’t found anyone worth committing to, but I don’t realize it until it’s too late.” he sighed, “I was that one teenager who had one steady girlfriend from eighth grade all the way through high school and never looked at anyone else-- probably for the best, I was kind of a dork,” he laughed despite himself and you joined. It fizzled sadly, “But anyway. Everyone thought we were gonna be together forever. And I started to think so too after, you know, five years. I had it all planned out by the time we got to senior year. We wanted to go to the same college. We’d date through college, I’d propose on our graduation day... We didn’t make it past senior prom. She had disappeared for a while, and I found her in a supply closet with another guy.” You couldn’t help but gasp a little. He continued “Then I still got married pretty young, not long out of college,” he shook his head, seemingly to clear out the emotions that reared their ugly heads for what was obviously the first time in a while. You wanted him to know he didn’t have to explain himself to you. 

“Marcus, don’t--” you tried to stop him.

“I was ‘too much’ for her.” You froze at the admission. His mouth contorted into a frown that didn’t suit him at all. “I’m still not sure I know what she meant by that,” he laughed humorlessly, “Guess I cared too much? Who knows. She divorced me, and that was that.” You both looked down to find that you’d put your hand on his. There was a part of you-- maybe more than a part, really-- that decided that what he was saying sounded nice. That he would be a blessed change from relationships that never lasted longer than a month and whose conversations never reached the level of depth that you were already experiencing with Marcus after just the couple of weeks you’d known him. You breathed, letting your hand stay resting on his as you spoke truly.

“What you said was right. Neither of them were worth your commitment. I’ve seen your commitment to someone who’s just a work friend, and I can’t imagine anyone not wanting that in their life. They couldn’t have been worth your time.” His thumb reached up to brush against the side of your hand. “I would--” You stopped yourself mid-sentence upon looking at the cafe door to find Wendy finally walking in.

If only you knew that Marcus was holding his breath waiting for the end of the statement, hoping to hear you say that he might be worth that commitment. 

“There’s Wendy now.” Your hand left his as you got up to meet her, and Marcus found himself immediately missing the contact and entirely unsure of what just happened. 

“An hour late? Where have you been?” you laughed as Wendy met your eyes excitedly. 

“You’ll never guess what just happened,” she practically squealed in response, yet not answering your question.

“Probably not. Go for it.”

“I got my rebound!” You blinked.

“You-- What?”

“So right before you left the office, I received a tip on a case from the Elisabet Ney Museum. They had some priceless jewelry of hers on display. Only supposed to be up for a week. Family heirloom. It’s on display for two days before it turns up stolen. But get this: the bust of hers it was on was also stolen. Meaning this case also falls under the jurisdiction of the Art Squad. I figured ‘Hey, the more, the merrier,’ so I hopped on down to the 6th floor to talk to them about a team-up and guess who I ran into?” Your eyes widened, finally getting the point of the story.

“Adrian.”

“Adrian!” she nearly squealed again, talking a mile a minute. “So anyway, we’re gonna be teamed up on that next week.” You subconsciously shot a glance over to Marcus. Having to work a case with him? After the day you just had? “But the crazy part is that I started talking to Adrian and he’s so great, you know, now that I’m not freaking out in an elevator. Turns out he’s a recent dumpee too, and we’re gonna go out tomorrow night. Oh, and we might’ve made out in the supply closet.” The words of that last part all ran together as she tried to play it off nonchalantly. You let your mouth hang open in the flurry of words and admissions that came far too quickly for you to process fully. 

“Wow. That’ s-- That’s great! I told you he was worth looking into,” you smiled weakly, trying to get over the newest developments in this absolutely ridiculous story. “So, this case? Starting next week?”

“Monday morning, bright and early. Hey, didn’t you say you had a friend on Art Squad? The one who gave you a ride that one day? That’ll be fun, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, for sure.” You caught Marcus’s eye, and your face must have betrayed just how exasperated and confused-- and… relieved?--  you felt because the look he shot back to you was full of concern. Everything was somehow simplified and complicated in one fell swoop. 

Plan B: Success? You guess?

forever taglist: @acomplicatedprofession @hdlynn @makaela27 @space-floozy @catfishingmorales @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @princessbatears @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @findhimfives @mistermiraclee

series taglist: @whiskeyslasso​ @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @dindjarindiaries​ @absurdthirst​ @roxypeanut​ @fioccodineveautunnale​ @dirty-dancefl00r5  @starryeyedstories​ @buckysalefty​ @wickedfrsgrl​ @the-feckless-wonder​

[mopeytropey]

a beer buds series: chapter 8

author’s note: happy, sappy Lexa hath arrived

available on AO3: here or below the cut

Timeline: just after Lexa returns from her holidays in New York, Clarke is bombarded with work at Dockside; Lincoln keeps her company over the weekend as Lexa relays the events of her Friday spent with Clarke (chapter 7 of 'apu')

Beer: Frequency KÖLSCH-INSPIRED GERMAN ALE

Clean and bright. Pleasingly malty with a touch of noble hop. Crisp and sharp with a subtle malt sweetness on the finish

ABV 5.0%

Frequency: Winter Hill Brewing (Somerville, MA)

:::

Lexa cannot stop smiling.

She hasn’t been able to curb the small grins and outright smiles that keep spreading across her lips at random intervals since leaving Clarke’s house on Friday morning.

She doesn’t stop them when her thoughts drift to the sound of Clarke’s voice and the looks they shared in her kitchen over coffee and bagels. And, she can’t keep her lips from curving when remembering their dinner Friday night, the way Clarke’s eyes would gleam and her cheeks would blush when Lexa would say something purposefully flirtatious. She has more-or-less lost all power over the muscles in her face and the control Clarke has on her overall good mood.

She hasn’t allowed herself this much visible happiness in ages. It feels both incredibly unnatural and like enormous relief.

And, because she is smiling into her phone while reading a recent text from Clarke, riddled with profanity about being stuck at work, she doesn’t notice Lincoln approaching.  

“Hey, I’ve missed that smile.”

Lexa’s head snaps up at the sound of his voice, and her smile remains. She’s missed him too.

“Hey.”

They clumsily exchange a hug while Lexa is sat on a wicker bar stool and Lincoln stands beside her at a bright grey bar counter made from swirled marble. The sun streams through the front windows of an upscale restaurant known for their brunch menu, woodfired pizzas, and signature cocktails.

Lexa had, in fact, intended to ask Clarke to brunch at this very establishment. She has been eager to resume their mutual exploration of the attraction that’s been brimming between them since early June. Friday had been a glimpse, a negligible fraction of what Lexa knows they are bound to discover over time. She thinks of her fingers tangling between Clarke’s or the physical distances between them that are gradually vanishing. Her head buzzes with all their potential in the days and weeks to come.

Lincoln unbundles from his wool peacoat and unwinds a striped scarf from around his neck to reveal his thick cable knit sweater beneath. “I just saw the girls,” he announces.

Lexa swallows, torn abruptly from the places her mind had been wandering. “Did you?”

“Yeah, they’re slammed down there.” Lincoln takes his seat and then angles himself comically in Lexa’s direction as if he plans to interrogate her. “So, Clarke says hi.”

Lexa’s chest balloons and her smile expands beyond her control. “Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

“I assume this means you two are on speaking terms again?”

The burn in Lexa’s cheeks is so severe, she’s forced to look away to the sounds of Lincoln’s delighted laughter. He playfully jabs a finger into her bicep while she fails miserably to keep her cool.

“We started talking before I left for New York.” Lexa clears her throat, hoping it will reduce the heat of her embarrassment. “She dropped me at the train station, actually.”

“Yeah, I know. Octavia told me,” Lincoln admits. Lexa backhands him across his chest and attempts to scowl. “Sorry, I had to mess with you a little bit. I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“That’s your one free one.” Empty threats, and they both know it.

“Yeah, sure. Okay,” Lincoln plays along, nevertheless slinging an arm around the back of Lexa’s stool.

The bartender approaches before Lexa can respond, and Lincoln reaches across the bar to slap her hand in a familiar exchange. “What’s good, Lincoln?”

“Hey, what’s up, Taylor?”

“What are you drinking?” she asks him while sliding a coaster in front of him.

He nods to Lexa’s pint of beer. “What’s this?”

“It’s that kölsch-inspired one from Winter Hill,” Lexa answers. “It’s really smooth.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll do the same. Thanks.”

“You guys eating?”

“Yeah, I’d love to see a menu,” Lexa tells her.

Taylor nods, reaching for two rolls of cutlery from beneath the bar. “You got it. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, so: what happened? What’s happening? Tell me everything. How was your Christmas?”

Lexa can’t help but laugh at Lincoln’s eager requests, rattled off with palpable excitement. She takes a deep breath. “Christmas was definitely interesting.”  

“Oh yeah?”

Taylor returns with Lincoln’s beer and two menus. She mumbles something quick and low in Spanish to Lincoln that makes him laugh.

“She’s got some real pretentious dicks on the other side of the bar,” Lincoln informs her once Taylor has left them to tend to her other customers. Because the bar is circular, Lincoln attempts to scope out the situation on the other side of the bar by peering through the rows of bottles, glassware, and flatscreen TVs that create a barrier between both sides.

“Think we should bounce them out of here?”

Lincoln laughs into his first sip of beer. “Let me have another pint and I’ll let you know.” He finishes another long sip before sliding his glass back onto the bar. “Alright, let’s hear it.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I want to know why Clarke is suddenly in such a supremely good mood despite working her second double in a row, and why you haven’t been able to wipe that idiot grin off your face since I walked in. Wait—also, what did Anya get you for Christmas?”

Lexa rolls her eyes, hoisting up with disdain an article of outerwear from the stool beside her. “Stupid hat.”

Lincoln swallows his mouthful of beer and laughs, nodding approvingly. “Classic An. Okay so, what exactly happened while you were at home?”

Lexa watches her fingers trace the darker patterns that thread the marble bar top. “For one, Costia and I met for coffee after Christmas and finally had that long overdue conversation I’ve been avoiding.”

“Hey, you weren’t the only one avoiding,” Lincoln reminds her.

“Yeah, I know.”

“And so, it’s over?”

Lexa exhales, reaching again for her pint of beer and taking a low sip. “I think it’d been over for a while, but: yes. In an official capacity, we ended it.”

“And, how are you and Costia? Okay?”

“Yeah, we’re good. We’d been such good friends anyway—I honestly think that was a huge part of what complicated things for us for so long.”

Lincoln hedges his reaction. “I want to be really happy for you right now because you basically look like you just dropped this huge weight around your neck, but … are you okay with everything?”  

“I am.” She looks up to meet his eye as if to prove herself. “It felt right. And, I’m—” Her traitorous lips, already pulling at their edges in a smile, will give her away every time. “I’m really good actually.”

“Good because I’m so happy for you, buddy.” Lincoln squeezes her shoulder with the hand resting on her stool. “Okay so, I know you and Clarke are talking again—and, believe me, we’re all relieved as hell about that—but, what exactly have you told her?”

“You mean about Costia?”

Lincoln finishes his sip of beer, pinning her with a look he must have learned from Anya because Lexa feels absolutely transparent. “I mean, I think Costia is just the tip of a pretty substantial iceberg, but sure. Let’s start there.”

At his candid retort, Lexa exhales a laugh and grasps her beer. “I’m fairly certain Clarke knows that my feelings for her aren’t entirely platonic, if that’s what you mean.” Her mind flashes briefly to the lighting and warmth of Clarke’s kitchen, the scent of toasted bagels and freshly ground coffee.

Lincoln claps his hands, as he so often does in moments of triumph, and smiles broadly. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that we are finally having this conversation.”

“I know. Me too.” In spite of her nerves constantly bubbling to the surface, Lexa is also flooded with the acute relief of authenticity.

“Have you seen her since you’ve been back?”

“We spent some time together on Friday.” Lexa ineffectually bites at her lip to keep from smiling. She thinks of slow hugs, soft hand-holding, and timid admissions amid charged goodbyes. Their interactions thus far have been so buffered by innocence, Lexa cannot believe the way her stomach swoops at her memory of them. “I brought her bagels.”

“Suave.”

“Listen, she—I wasn’t attempting to be romantic.”

Lincoln doesn’t miss a beat. “Liar.”

“Clarke has been living her entire life under the misguided assumption that a small, newly established bagel shop in northern Massachusetts is on par with legitimate New York bagels, Lincoln.” The severity in Lexa’s tone has him visibly amused. “I felt it my sacred duty to correct this misconception.”

“You brought her Bergen’s, didn’t you?”

Lexa looks offended at the ask. “Like I would offer her anything less.”

“And, where are my Christmas bagels?”

She rolls her eyes, reaching for her nearby pint. “Linc—”

“Okay, I see how it is. Too hung up on impressing Clarke to remember one of your oldest friends.” He is nodding, self-righteously.

Like a loveable idiot.

“I’m beginning to second-guess your request to hang out today,” she tells him while averting her eyes to the paper menu in front of her.

Lincoln laughs at her stern tone, knowing it’s a bluff, and returns his arm to rest along the back of her stool.

“How are you actually feeling about this?”

“Sharing an afternoon drink with you? I’m of two minds at the moment.”

“Now who’s being a jackass?” Lincoln grins. “So, you’re scared out of your mind about Clarke then?”

Yes. Absolutely. The nervous uncertainty is all-consuming.

Lexa shrugs, ignoring her inner anxieties and recites aloud the mantra of useless facts she’s been telling herself for days.

“Clarke and I have been close for quite awhile. She knows me, maybe better than most people. Despite any potential uncertainties, we’re operating on the foundation of a very sound friendship.”

Lincoln watches her like she’s come entirely unhinged. “Okay, yeah. Do you have any idea how incredibly shook I was at the prospect of kissing my friend Octavia?”

At the thought of kissing Clarke—images painted vividly by her traitorous mind—a breath lodges in her chest, and Lexa must return to her beer for fear of passing out.

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?”

“I’m just trying to get you to be honest with yourself. And me, for that matter. I mean, I’m just assuming—knowing how much you overthink every goddamn thing to death—that you haven’t slept with her yet.”

“Jesus, Lincoln.” Lexa swallows her embarrassment through multiple sips of beer.

“For that matter, you probably haven’t even kissed her yet.”

“I can’t think about … that yet,” she manages to say without her voice croaking from the strain.

“Kudos to you for being able to think about anything else.”

“I have, obviously, considered the prospect. I just—more than anything I keep thinking about how I want to be around her all the time.”

“No offense, because I mean this genuinely and supportively as your friend, but are you just now figuring that out?”

“Shut up,” Lexa laughs.

:::

The food, as it turns out, is notable.

Lexa orders chicken fried steak and eggs with chorizo gravy and griddled potatoes, immediately lulled into a state of happy sedation as she clears her plate.

Lincoln groans his satisfaction as well, leaning back into his stool when he’s finished. “Damn. That was so good.”

“I might nap on this stool. Your friend would be okay with that, right?”

“Yeah, obviously.” Lincoln stretches his arms over his head and folds his hands behind the base of his neck. “A good bartender is always looking to have her guests fall asleep at the bar.”

“Okay good,” Lexa answers with a sleepy smile and suppresses an actual yawn with the back of her hand.

“What are you up to for the rest of your day?”

“This meal has completely erased any prior motivation to workout. My couch sounds pretty nice right now.”

The sun is setting and the streetlamps have begun to flicker on along the cobblestreet outside the restaurant windows.

“Not gonna go lurking outside Dockside until Clarke gets out of work?” Lincoln prompts with a teasing wink.

“Why do I feel like this was an actual tactic used on Octavia?”

“An effective tactic, you might say.”

“No,” Lexa laughs. “I’m not planning to stalk Clarke at her place of business, you creep.”

“Suit yourself,” Lincoln shrugs. “If you need any tips, I’m just sayin’.”

Lexa’s laughter is more of a cackle, lost in the increasing din of the Sunday evening bar crowd. “I think I’m all set. Thanks.”

“Oh okay, here we go—two beers later, she is confidence personified.”

Taylor returns to collect their empty plates, and Lincoln, practically gleeful, seizes on an opportunity to embarrass Lexa in a public setting.

“Taylor, help me out here—first kisses with relative strangers versus first kisses with a friend-turned-something-more. Generally speaking, which one makes you more nervous?”  

“Why?” Taylor grins, bracing herself across from them with both hands grasping to the edge of the bar top. “Is one of you about to ask me to makeout?”

Lexa smothers a mortified oh-my-god against the palms of her hands where she has covered her face.

“No, no,” Lincoln laughs while shaking his head. “Like I would ever do anything to get Toni on my bad side—your girlfriend might be more intimidating than Octavia.”

“She’s gonna love hearing that,” Taylor smiles.

“The thing is, Lexa here—”

“Would love the check,” Lexa interjects, pinning Lincoln with her most threatening glare while her cheeks still burn warmly. “And, for reasons yet unclear to me, I’ll take Lincoln’s too. You can put us on the same tab.”  

“You got it,” Taylor chuckles, and strides off to the kitchen with their empty dishes.

As Lexa signs the tab, leaving an exorbitant tip to somehow assuage her own embarrassment as well as fulfill an unspoken creed between service industry workers, Lincoln warmly grabs her shoulder.

“Thanks. This was a great way to spend my otherwise very boring Sunday while O is stuck at work.”  

“Lucky for you, my Sunday plans were also foiled.”

“So glad we could be each other’s second fiddle,” Lincoln grins.

Lexa returns his familiar smile. “Anytime.”

They bundle back into their coats and hats and gloves before Lincoln waves and shouts a quick farewell to Taylor from across the bar. As they push through the front entryway back out into the cold and wind and lightly dusted snowy sidewalk, Lincoln wraps an arm around Lexa’s shoulder and hugs her closer.

“Thanks again—you didn’t have to pick up the tab, buddy.”

“Think of it as your belated Christmas present. Besides, you basically always pay whenever we hang out. I owe you.”

For the drinks and food, yes. But, Lexa also feels indebted to Lincoln’s unending kindness and patient listening as everything between she and Clarke has unfolded.

“You don’t owe me anything, but that food does make for a great belated Christmas present.”

“Well, it’s not pumpernickel bagels and pimento cream cheese, but,” Lexa shrugs, looking up to catch Lincoln’s eye just as his expression creases painfully.

“Aw man, did you have to bring up the pimento cream cheese?!”

Lexa laughs and savors the warmth of Lincoln’s broad frame close beside her.

:::

Sometime between the distance of Lincoln’s apartment, where they had parted after a smothering hug, and Lexa’s front entryway, her phone buzzes from within her coat pocket. When she sees Clarke’s name as the incoming call, she removes a glove with her teeth and swipes to answer.

“Hey.” It’s so cold now that the sun has set, her breath is frozen in puffs, but the anticipation of hearing Clarke’s voice builds a warmth deep in her stomach. “How are you?”

“Oh my god, I’m so tired,” Clarke whimpers.

Always so dramatic.

Still, she has sympathy for Clarke’s long and tiresome hours of unexpected work over the weekend. Lexa shuffles across an empty crosswalk, hurrying towards her street as other pedestrians bustle past in bulky winter wear. “Sorry you’ve been stuck there for two days.”

“I was prepared for Saturday. Today has kicked my ass. Where are you? It sounds windy. Oh my god, please tell me you aren’t running in this weather.”

Lexa laughs as she reaches her apartment and searches for her keys while keeping her phone pinned against her shoulder. “I’m walking home from grabbing food and drinks with Lincoln.”  

“Oh, that’s right. Sorry, my brain is fried. Drinks and food sound so nice right now,” Clarke practically whines.

Lexa pushes into the warmth of the stairwell and begins to take the stairs to her apartment. “Seeing Lincoln was really nice, although it was you I was hoping to share a meal with today.”

“Were you?”

She can hear Clarke better now as she unlatches the locks of her apartment’s front door and steps inside a quiet, darkened room. She smiles shyly at Clarke’s surprised delight and lightly clears her throat.

“Yes.”

“And what did these plans entail?”

Lexa used to wonder constantly about Clarke’s intentions—whether or not she was consciously aware of the provocative ring to her voice. Presently, Lexa requires no translation: Clarke’s flirtation is unmistakable.

“I wanted to take you out for brunch.”

“I would have loved that.” Clarke sounds beyond charmed, and Lexa’s entire face warms.

“That’s—that’s good to know,” she responds, exhaling shakily at Clarke’s belated acceptance to a date they never got to have.

“I had brunch plans for us today too!”

“Oh yeah?” Lexa’s intrigue instantly distracts from her spike of nerves.

“Yes! They involved homemade waffles and really nice prosecco I absconded with the last time I left my mom’s and, most importantly, not being at work for over nine hours.”

Lexa clicks on a nearby lamp and shuffles out of her coat but does not bother to remove her absurd winter hat. The idea of Clarke making plans for them—specifically plans that involve home-cooked meals and sharing bubbly wine in Clarke’s home—sets Lexa’s stomach fluttering as she collapses onto her sofa.

“Well, for future reference, I’d be up for drinking prosecco with you any time, appropriated or otherwise.”

“This is good information to have.”

Lexa cozies into the couch cushions at the sound of Clarke’s laugh, wishing desperately that they were sat side by side, filling each other in on their day. She might weave her fingers into Clarke’s hair to help her relax or pull Clarke’s legs into her lap to massage her calf muscles after a long shift at the bar.

“How was your afternoon with Lincoln?”

“He was very upset about being excluded from the New York bagel delivery.”

More of Clarke’s laughter broadens the small smile on Lexa’s mouth. “They were indeed very enviable bagels.”

“I’m glad you liked them. We’ll have to get more sometime.”

A pregnant beat in which Clarke doesn’t immediately respond has Lexa’s heart racing. “In New York?”

The insinuation of taking Clarke to Brooklyn is lightyears ahead of asking her to brunch, and Lexa scrambles to backtrack her overzealous suggestion while pulling her stupid hat over her eyes. “I, um—I didn’t mean—”

“Lexa, I’m sorry—ugh,” Clarke grunts in frustration. “I have to go help one of our servers with something.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, of course. I’ll let you go,” Lexa fumbles to say, grateful that Clarke’s endless string of responsibilities has saved her from more useless stuttering.

“Can I call you when I’m finished here? If it’s not too late?”

Lexa sits up and finally removes her hat. “Call me whenever.”

“Okay.” Lexa can hear the grin in Clarke’s response and indulges in one of her own. “Oh, and if the invitation still stands, I would go with you to New York any time, with or without the promise of bagels.”

Lexa cannot stop smiling. She doesn’t even try.

:::

[edorazzi]

It’s the post everyone’s been waiting for! 

It’s taken a little while for me to get around to this, but it’s worth it for being able to make a full reaction post. This is really long so I’ll put it under a cut, but check it out for my complete scene-by-scene reaction of Miraculous’ “Felix” episode! (´∀｀)♡

Okay, I’ve been putting this off for days now so it’s time to finally get to it. I’m comfy and undisturbed and have my supplies ready to go.

I know next to nothing about what I’m going into. I’ve seen a little bit here and there because some people haven’t tagged their content properly, but I haven’t watched either of the trailers. I haven’t even looked directly at the images of Felix which have been going around. I’ve tried to stay as blind as possible, so as a result I’m pretty excited but also very anxious. I’ve taken two beta blockers today and I’m considering taking a third.

I usually liveblog episodes on our Ladybug PV Discord server (message me for an invite!) but this time I’m making a proper post out of it. I’ll be typing up my reactions as I go then cleaning everything up a little bit afterwards. I think it’s the first time I’ve done something like this on my blog so here goes!

- “Script: Thomas Astruc” NO. HE REALLY COULDN’T JUST STEP AWAY FROM THIS EPISODE GRACEFULLY, COULD HE. HE HAD TO GET HIS HANDS DIRTY. I’m not going to say “fuck this man” but, you know, identical sentiments. I’m opening my chocolate bar.

- God, Emilie looks more like ET every time I see her. Such an awkward model.

- Oh but wait, Sébastien Thibaudeau was on the script? That does actually give me some hope! Next to Zag himself he’s the only writer on this mess of a show I trust. HE FIXED WAYHEM, CAN HE DO FELIX A SOLID TOO? PLEASE. PLEASE SÉBASTIEN OL BUDDY OL PAL OL FRIENDA MINE

- Does Gabe have anything else to say to his wife other than monologuing his Miraculous plan over and over? They say people in comas can still hear things but Emilie’s probably double unconscious from how boring her husband is.

- DON’T LIKE THAT KNIFE SOUND EFFECT FROM THOSE RINGS. Am I supposed to find it sweet that Gabe’s taking such good care of their wedding bands or is he about to use them for evil? Also where’s Felix.

- ADRIEN SWEETHEART. I maintain that it’s weird to have a statue of your wife/mother/self in your own garden but it kills me that he’s just sitting there in front of it like a lost kitten.

- “Of course, someone will get you right away.” IS THAT FELIX. WAS SHE ON THE PHONE TO FELIX. WHERE’S MY SON, NATHALIE HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON

- That wide-eyed look Adrien turns up towards the window is killing me even more. I’M SO SAD. I see he also hasn’t noticed he’s sitting in the middle of a giant butterfly circle, unless he’s so used to it being Gabe’s logo that he’s just not paying it any mind. When was this all built? Has Gabe always used a butterfly motif even before he got his Miraculous and it was just a great coincidence, or did he commission this whole garden area after Emilie went missing? I guess you could pass it off as eccentricity but in the real world that would be a HUGE red flag that Gabe murdered her. I dunno man.

- DON’T WAVE AT HIM LIKE THAT, NATHALIE. YOU RATTED HIM OUT IN 5 SECONDS IN THAT THEORETICAL FUTURE WHERE YOU DISCOVERED HE WAS CHAT NOIR. YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS BOY. >:V

- “It’s been one year.” HAS IT? Hasn’t Adrien been at school for at least a year now? Didn’t his mom vanish two years prior to that?! Maybe she’s talking about how long Gabe has been fighting Ladybug and Chat Noir but knowing this show’s messy timeline it could be anything. WHERE’S FELIX.

- That’s the song from Chat Blanc! Was that something his mom taught him? OH NO, I’M EVEN SADDER NOW. This is what I mean about Sébastien’s writing, we’d never get this kind of focus on Adrien from Garbage Man Astruc. This kind of character exploration does wonders for ML whenever it’s brought up so I hope this is consistent.

- SHIT, GABRIEL’S OUT OF THE HOUSE. SOMETHING’S WRONG. THOSE EXPENSIVE LEATHER SHOES HAVEN’T TOUCHED ACTUAL GROUND IN YEARS. ADRIEN GET OUT OF THERE.

- I do like that Adrien doesn’t get up when his dad comes to stand right next to him like that. It’s just informal enough. He’s waiting for Gabe to make the first move this time and that’s nice development considering how stiff and cold their relationship was in S1.

- OOOOH GABE THAT’S AN AWKWARD CROUCH. Any lower down and his back is going to go. He’ll be stuck there. I do LOVE that he’s trying though, I don’t even know what he’s going to say to Adrien but this is already SO good.

- “There’s something important I have to talk to you about.” Finally time for The Talk, huh.

- GABE PLEASE. ADRIEN’S WAY TOO CHIRPY TO HAVE ACTUALLY CAUGHT ON TO WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY. HE THINKS YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY YOU LOVE HIM OR SOMETHING ELSE RIDICULOUS

- “I’ve noticed how close you and Nathalie have become!” CLOSE ENOUGH. Still in the ballpark of Adrien thinking his dad has real human feelings! 

- “HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK SUCH A THING??” I GENUINELY LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT HOW ANGRY GABE WAS ABOUT THAT. I’m not sure what to think of the “Nathalie replacing Emilie when Emilie’s technically still alive” plot either but GABE’S DECIDED FOR ME. Also good job yelling in your son’s face when you were JUST having a moment, good luck getting back up off your knees in order to storm away, old man.

- Oh alright, he did get up, but it was with a strange angry bow-legged prance. I think he still had trouble.

- I love the way Adrien just kinda wide-eye-blinks at him, like Gabe’s emotional outburst is going totally over his head. He’s been dealing with akuma FAR too long to be bothered by this.

- Guests, plural? I’m guessing Felix is one of them but is he with someone else? That makes sense given he’s (as far as I’ve gathered) the same age as Adrien so he wouldn’t be running around far from home unchaperoned, but OHHH this is so interesting.

- So they ARE claiming it’s been one year since Emilie vanished! This just doesn’t work as a Season 3 episode, especially with Nathalie and Gabe’s romantic development being as far along as it is. Emilie’s been gone for at LEAST three years by this point! Read your show bible once in a while you horrible garbage man!!! Also ADRIEN SWEETHEART THAT’S A LITTLE PREMATURE. You can say “went away forever” when you’re three years into her disappearance, the anniversary of one year really isn’t long enough to claim she’s never coming back!

- OH NO, IT’S THE GIRLS. I’m already bored. Unless Luka is here I really just do not care what they’re all up to. I haven’t missed Marinette at ALL in the first two-and-a-half minutes and I don’t want to see her now. WHERE’S FELIX.

- I’m sorry, how are Lila, Chloé AND Kagami all on a video call together without any blood being drawn? Also for god’s sake PLEASE leave Adrien alone, you want to ask first if he’d LIKE some company or if he’d prefer a quiet personal day to think about his mom? OF COURSE NOT MARINETTE, YOU WOULDN’T WOULD YOU. 

- Okay, a video message is definitely a better idea than trying to break into his house AGAIN. At least then he can watch it whenever he feels up to it. The first good, safe, noninvasive idea Mari’s had for SEVERAL episodes when it comes to Adrien.

- I’M REALLY TORN WHEN IT COMES TO THE ENGLISH DUB. On one hand I hate how little screentime Nino has when he’s not just being Alya’s fashion accessory, but on the other hand I’m so glad they switched scenes the moment Nino started his video because I CANNOT handle his dub voice. Nino just deserves better in general really.

- HE WAS CRYING. MY BOY WAS CRYING AGAIN. I’M NOT COOL WITH THIS. IT’S NOT ABOVE YOUR PAYGRADE TO GIVE HIM A HUG, NATHALIE.

- ALRIGHT HI ELSA. IS THIS HIS AUNT? THAT’S SPOOKY. 

- Her name is Amelie? So their parents had twins and named them Amelie and Emilie, and they turned out the same right down to the over-the-shoulder Dead Anime Mom hairstyles? That’s lazy parenting down to a tee, can’t mix your twins up if you never have to learn the difference between them in the first place! But that’s INTERESTING that Felix is (I assume, still haven’t seen him yet) from Emilie’s side of the family, I’ve always had the impression he was a petit Gabriel.

- OHHH THAT’S MY BOY! I CAN SEE MY BOY IN THE DOORWAY!!! OH MY GOD GIVE HIM TO ME. GIVE ME FELIX. GIVE ME MY SON.

- ADRIEN IMMEDIATELY JUMPING ON HIM IN A HUG IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. WHILE FELIX’S HAND IS STILL OUTSTRETCHED FOR A HANDSHAKE. I know this episode is going to go downhill because there’s no way it won’t, but this one single moment is EVERYTHING I WANTED. I should just close the tab now and leave it at this, I really should.

- “Do you remember when they used to have so much fun pretending to be each other? Once they had you and Emilie fooled for a whole weekend!” WHERE HAS THIS BEEN FOR MY ENTIRE ORDEAL GETTING THROUGH THIS SERIES. I don’t even care if this Felix is a stone cold bitch, it’s enough to know he and Adrien were besties when they were kids and Adrien still wanted to hug him the second he walked through the door. AMAZING.

- “I WON’T BE FOOLED A SECOND TIME.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, GABE. THEY WERE PROBABLY TODDLERS. ARE YOU JUST SO USED TO GETTING YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU BY CHILDREN THAT YOU’RE SUSPICIOUS OF EVERY SINGLE ONE NOW

- Aww, Felix is American (dubbed, anyway). I was really hoping he’d be British with all the references to London over the last season. He does have a nice voice though! I can tell he shares Adrien’s actor but he’s got the softness I’d have expected from his character. There’s kind of an interesting look about his face though, I wish they’d tweaked it a bit to give him a sharper look but I guess he IS like 14, he can afford to still have a bit of baby-cheeked roundness. I’m going to find the positives in every part of this because I will NOT give Garbage Man Astruc the satisfaction of being disappointed like I know he wants me to be. It’s been a fucking war from the moment I saw his name in the writing credits and my best weapon is being pleased about everything in this episode.

- Okay, he looks a little better in the following closeup where his eyes are slightly narrowed. I think it’s the slightly-below-the-chin angle which doesn’t really work for his character model with his soft cheeks and high collar. FELIX IS A BABY.

- WHY WILL NOBODY SHAKE HIS HAND. Adrien hugged him instead and Gabe is ignoring him completely, Felix is clearly so perplexed and I love it. He’s fourteen! He’s fourteen and doing his best with social graces but NOBODY WILL HELP HIM.

- “Felix, you know your uncle’s never been the physical sort!” HE KICKED HIS OWN SON RIGHT ACROSS PARIS IN THE LAST EPISODE BUT SURE, IF YOU SAY SO.

- “Oh, how sweet! You’re still wearing your wedding band!” YEAH? IT’S BEEN LIKE A YEAR?? Again this would make more sense if it had been around three years like we KNOW Emilie’s been gone for, but picking someone out for still wearing their ring after 12 months?! And why isn’t Amelie more emotional about this anyway, isn’t it her sister who’s missing? I wouldn’t be poking fun at MY sister’s husband for keeping his ring if SHE went missing. No wonder Felix seems like he turned out weird.

- I CAN’T MAKE OUT THE NAME OF HER BRANCH OF THE FAMILY AND IT’S KILLING ME. SOMEONE LET ME KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. Graham de Vanily? I can’t place the words. I mean I’m going to keep calling Felix “Agreste” no matter what but I’d like to know what canon is trying to get at.

- “It’s been a long journey from London” I KNEW IT, I FFFFFFFFFUCKING KNEW IT. SO THEY ARE BRITISH?! BUT THEY HAVE AMERICAN ACCENTS?! I mean I guess they’re French first and foremost, but what the fuck is with the American accents if you’re making a POINT about them being from London?! I can’t wait for the French audio to be released, I really want to know what Felix sounds like there. Regardless AAAH MY SON IS FROM MY CITY, I’M SO PLEASED.

- “TakeFelixtoyourbedroom.” EASY GABE THEY JUST MET, ALSO THEY’RE COUSINS

- Poor Felix looks so depressed being saddled with Adrien. Sweetie it’s okay, think positive! You could be stuck with Marinette and THAT would be a true nightmare.

- Now why does Felix keep glancing at Gabe? Is there something going on there? Is he suspicious about what happened to his aunt? I can’t imagine he knows anything about the Miraculous so what’s the deal here?

- UuuuuUUUUGH we’re back with the rest of the gang. I’M NOT INTERESTED, SHOW ME MORE FELIX.

- “Help me Tikki! What would you tell a Kwami friend who’s lost their mom?!” You’re talking to a 5000-year-old demigoddess, Mari, I don’t think she’s gonna relate.

- MARI YOU CAN’T CONFESS TO ADRIEN. NOT AFTER CHAT BLANC. GABE WILL LOSE ALL HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TO WRECK THE LOVE SQUARE AND ALSO THE MOON’S GOING TO EXPLODE. WHY ISN’T BUNNIX HERE TO SLAP THE TABLET OUT OF YOUR HANDS

- Should Tikki really be encouraging this?! I have no idea where in the timeline this is supposed to be. Maybe this is at a stage where she doesn’t know Adrien is Plagg’s chosen so there’s no reason to steer Marinette away from bonding with him. Or maybe every episode just plays by its own rules and there’s really no such thing as continuity in this series. I want to see Felix again.

- YANKING AT AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE ON THE OUTER EDGE OF A BOAT ISN’T GOING TO END WELL. DON’T. I do love how :D Alya is about it though, if nothing else I love what a supportive friend she is.

- Oh, the tablet didn’t go into the water! I’m genuinely surprised by that. Though I imagine Felix is going to fuck things up in some way so he’ll probably be the one to destroy the video somehow. We all know the relationship development isn’t allowed to move forward so SOMETHING’S going to happen to it.

- Thank god we’re back to the mansion. I’m surprised and pleased that (for now at least) we’re only getting the girls in small doses and the plot is mainly focused around the Agrestes. Gorizilla is my favourite episode to date and it did a similar thing with allowing Marinette to be a side character for once along an Adrien-centric plotline, so hopefully this episode will be similar. I’m liking its odds so far but who knows what Horrible Garbage Man Astruc has up his sleeve.

- “I’m really sorry I didn’t come to your dad’s funeral.” I’M SORRY WHAT? PARDON ME? THAT’S AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM I DIDN’T EXPECT. As a side note I love Felix being killer at basketball for some reason, he doesn’t look like the athletic type at ALL but he still made that net over his shoulder without even LOOKING. Goddamn. Can everyone please appreciate how cool my son is!!!

- “My father thought it would be too hard on me, considering everything that’s happened this year.” So Felix lost his dad VERY RECENTLY. OUCH. DON’T LIKE THAT. Or I DO like that because it’s already giving his character some extra depth when we’re still only just getting to know him, but on an emotional level I don’t like that. 

- “He’s very... protective of me.” CHAT BLANC REALLY WAS A HOT MESS OF AN EPISODE WASN’T IT. 

- Now Felix is giving Adrien a hug?! I didn’t see that one coming. My canon Felix would mean it but I don’t quite trust this new Felix yet, he’s probably up to something.

- WHAT A JARRING PIANO TRANSITION. Also why?! What does he have to gain from swiping Adrien’s phone? He’s probably got a terrible roaming plan on his own mobile, that’s always my problem when I go to France. If you truly loved your cousin you’d let him browse Reddit on your phone, Adrien. This is worse than not coming to his dad’s funeral.

- PLAGG KNOWS SOMETHING’S UP. He ought to, in another life he and Felix are STILL dealing with each other.

- Okay I take back what I said about Felix’s voice. Bryce Whatshisface isn’t doing a very good job separating the tones. I can buy that Adrien and Felix sound very similar but their delivery should be completely different! I really do want to watch this in French, I get the feeling it’ll sound much better.

- AH YES, HERE WE GO. I’m getting the feeling this is Garbage Man’s part of the episode. Squished cheese aside, I do like the implication Felix does (or did) card magic and karate. I’m thinking of that Mickey Mouse episode where he vanishes Donald’s car keys with a hand trick except it’s Felix vanishing Marinette’s phone when she’s about to text Adrien or something. I’ve got to draw that.

- “Mind if I take a shower?” WHY, FELIX. I mean I’d probably want to shower too after the London-Paris commute (and I’m sure he’s only going in there to wreak havoc, put food colouring in Adrien’s shampoo bottles or something) but what a weird time to ask!

- I mean Plagg has a point about difficult home situations not justifying bad behaviour (and I feel like that’s not what’s going on, with how he was glaring at Gabe I think he’s behaving like this for some other reason), but Felix’s dad LITERALLY DIED. Like they had a funeral and everything. Emilie is just “missing”. They’re SIMILAR but that’s still a false equivalence because Adrien’s got hope to hold on to and Felix doesn’t.

- So we’re not going to talk about how Felix got into Adrien’s passcode-protected phone? I guess he could have done the fogging-up-the-screen trick from Oblivio. Standing around in a steamy bathroom in three layers of clothing is a great way to sweat yourself out and ruin your hair though, way to get even more gross than a five-hour commute between countries.

- “Of course that idiot has a crush on a superhero!” EASY THERE, MR HOWLING-ON-A-ROOFTOP-BECAUSE-HE-SAW-THE-GIRL-HE-LIKED. WE’VE ALL SEEN THE PV.

- I’ve just noticed Felix has a ring too! I don’t know how I missed that before this scene! That’s NICE. He’s still not allowed to have it on his middle finger (LET HIM SWEAR) but that’s a nod back to Chat Noir which I really appreciate!

- ROSE HAS BEEN ON THE HELIUM. SOMETHING’S NOT RIGHT THERE.

- FELIX KNOWS CHLOÉ! THAT’S NICE, THAT’S GOOD. I LIKE THAT. That’s also a really nice little video from her, I love the few small moments we’ve had that affirm she and Adrien really ARE friends, whether she wants to date him or not. 

- OOOH HE DELETED THE VIDEOS. I’m curious about him borrowing Adrien’s clothes too, are they going to dress the same? You’d think Adrien wouldn’t give someone an exact copy of the outfit he’s currently wearing but I genuinely don’t know if he owns anything different. I hope they don’t just use two Adrien models for the rest of the episode, please let me see Felix properly :/

- WHY. HONESTLY, WHY. CAN I PLEASE GET AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY FELIX IS DOING THIS.

- OOOH MARI YOU’RE NOT GONNA LIKE THIS. I can imagine Felix is going to say something nasty and that’ll set the girls off and bring about the akuma of the week. I’m mildly entertained but I’m still not engaged with this idea without any proper explanation. We’d better get something by the end of the episode which justifies what’s made Felix do this, because “he’s just evil lol” would be a reeeeally low move from Garbage Man Astruc. 

- MARI SWEETIE. YOU’VE GOTTA LEARN TO CHECK A ROOM IS EMPTY BEFORE YOU RUN INSIDE AND START FREAKING OUT VERY LOUDLY. LUKA’S HEARD ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. 

- Luka is such a nice character. Why does he get to be so high quality when Felix has been turned into a cheese-smashing phone-stealing gremlin? I mean I KNOW why, but I’d like to think the showwriters are better than this. They’re not, but I’d like to think they are.

- WHAT A VIDEO MESSAGE. I love how Luka’s just sitting there grimacing while Mari speeds off into battle, he doesn’t know what she’s about to do but he knows better than to try stopping her.

- Back with Gabe and Nathalie. Is this what was being foreshadowed when Gabe claimed he wouldn’t be fooled by the boys’ identity switch twice? Is he GOING to be fooled again or will he be the one person who can tell immediately that this isn’t his son? 

- “FELIX.” WOW, HE REALLY WASN’T FOOLED TWICE. RESPECT. He may have trouble getting up off the ground if he sits down too low but he can at least identify his child in a difficult situation like this, props to Gabe this week.

- “All this disappointment might just help us get rid of our unwanted guests!” SHUT YOUR MOUTH, FELIX IS A DELIGHT. The only unwanted guest here is Astruc on the writing team.

- “Felix... I told you that you couldn’t fool me twice.” Way to blow your identity in five seconds Gabe. I guess he hasn’t sent out the akuma yet so this might just be a personal monologue, but he starts addressing his victims directly so often at this stage that I’m really not sure what they can or can’t hear. SHIT’S RISKY.

- OH OKAY, SO HE’S SENDING THIS TRIPLE AKUMA AFTER FELIX? AND/OR ADRIEN, DEPENDING ON HOW HARD IT IS TO TELL THEM APART? I guess that’s what he means by getting rid of their guests, if the house is attacked by a monster (or monsters?) they aren’t going to want to stick around, but I REALLY HOPE YOU’RE TAKING ADRIEN’S WELLBEING INTO ACCOUNT HERE GABE OL BUDDY :/

- “TIKKI, SPOTS ON! MNUURGH” ME TOO MARINETTE. I’M REALLY ONLY 12 MINUTES INTO THIS.

- I’m gonna be honest, I’m not really interested in the girls. I was hoping for a real triple akuma (like Oblivio was apparently Alya and Nino together) but they’re all just villains we’ve seen before. There’s stuff I could comment on here but I just want to see more of Felix, that’s what I’m here for.

- “Nathalie, get Adrien to a safe place far from his cousin!” YOU’RE REALLY JUST GONNA SACRIFICE FELIX LIKE THIS. I guess that makes sense, I WAS complaining during Chat Blanc that Adrien is Gabriel’s weak point, so all things considered I’m not surprised that he’ll protect Adrien but just flat-out wants Felix dead. Fair enough.

- WOW. I THOUGHT ADRIEN WAS GOING TO BE HEROIC AND DEFEND FELIX BUT HE WANTS HIM DEAD TOO. Or was that a double bluff to make the akuma think he MUST be Felix so he can lead them away and keep his cousin safe? He’s just run off with a wild cackle so I’m thinking it’s the latter. HE’S A GOOD BOY AND A TRUE HERO.

- I also find it kind of funny how Nathalie will jump in harm’s way to defend him when there have been INNUMERABLE other episodes of Gabe just setting an akuma directly on Adrien for the hell of it. Maybe because there isn’t really any ‘harm’ here to start with; the three girls’ powers are probably the least violent of all the akuma we’ve seen so far.

- AM I REALLY ABOUT TO SEE FELIX DRESSED AS ADRIEN DOING KARATE. I HOPE HE’S GOOD AT IT.

- OH MY GOD HE IS GOOD AT IT. That’s cool! I was expecting him to totally flop considering how badly his imposter trick went down a few minutes ago, but it’s nice to see he’s as capable at fighting as he is at basketball. When do I get to see his magic card tricks?

- YEAH I FEEL THE SAME PLAGG. WHAT’S EVEN HAPPENING. Not that I think Adrien shouldn’t save Felix, I just want to know WHY Felix felt like he had to do this in the first place! I feel like “can I PLEASE get a waffle” except instead of watching the employees fight I’m watching this episode careening away with no pauses to explain what’s going on.

- FELIX C’MON. STOP CAUSING PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. I can tell Garbage Man Astruc still has the reins here because causing even MORE trouble even AFTER Adrien saved his ass is a completely illogical course of action. PUT SÉBASTIEN BACK IN THE WRITERS CHAIR.

- “WHICH PART OF THE WORD ‘NO’ DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!” Oh perfect, great, can’t let this episode end without accusing Felix of not respecting consent! That’s a hot button issue and if Garbage Man Astruc can get him on that bandwagon then fans HAVE to hate this character! Great move! Fucking pillock!

- WOW CHAT THAT’S MEAN. I guess accusing Felix of having no friends is justified in the context of the episode but yikes :(

- Was that a flash of humiliation from Felix there? God will one of the writers PLEASE save this character, PLEASE don’t let this episode end without someone getting him out of the Garbage Man’s big meaty claws.

- Excuse me WHAT? Felix is talking directly to Papillon?! So he knows about all the Miraculous stuff?! Oh NO, is this about getting his dad back? I don’t know whether the One Wish is common knowledge (I don’t think it is?) but maybe Felix put the pieces together on his own back home, so all his behaviour here has been trying to incite an akuma that he can take advantage of to appeal to Papillon?! Or he could just be a bitch all on his own, which is probably what the Garbage Man would prefer, but this makes a lot of sense all of a sudden.

- BRO HE NEARLY DIED. BRO. BROOO.

- “I hope you’ve learned your lesson!” YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA ASK ABOUT THE PAPILLON THING? YOU CAN’T JUST TREAT THIS AS A REGULAR DISTURBANCE, FELIX KNOWS SHIT ABOUT THE MIRACULOUS YOU GUYS--

- FELIX’S MOM IS REALLY GOING TO BLAME HIS DEAD DAD FOR THIS? HARD YIKES. NO WONDER FELIX IS WEIRD.

- I’m expecting this isn’t over, because Felix still clearly wants something specific that he didn’t get, but I’ll take this cute hug for what it is. He didn’t have an evil expression behind Adrien’s back this time either and the music is all soft and nice, plus he FINALLY got a handshake from Gabe, but I absolutely do NOT imagine this episode will end without getting an extra shot in at the PV fans somehow. We’re not getting off this easy.

- Why doesn’t Gabriel want Adrien to go after Felix? Is he scared he’ll try to run off, or ask them to stay longer when he really wants to get rid of them?

- AHAHA FELIX STOLE GABE’S RING. WHAT A BRAT. Was that the “jewelry” he mentioned wanting in return for helping Papillon? I figured it was a Miraculous thing but maybe not.

- OHHH, look how much Felix loves his mom! This is such a sweet scene. I particularly like the idea that Amelie was trying to get the rings back to give one to Felix because the way she was speaking to Gabe made it sound like she wanted them Just Because. But you can’t mention some wild story connected to the rings and then not explain it! I want to know what that is, I want to know why Felix is so fascinated with it!!!

- ALSO, FELIX GETTING A BIG KISS RIGHT ON THE FOREHEAD. EXCELLENT. I’ll fucking BET this is another scene Sébastien sneaked in because it’s such an emotional quality shift from the whole clone mess. Like what the fuck even WAS that.

- Yep, Felix is still evil! WHY THOUGH. WHAT’S GOING ON. CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

- I was expecting a worse ending, but “Felix can’t ever come back to Paris because Gabriel will kill him with his bare hands if he does” is decent enough. If there’s no further confirmation (and NO, anything Garbage Man Astruc tweets later on does NOT fucking count so don’t try me) I’m going to take it that he WAS actually sorry for what he did to Adrien. That’s better than nothing.

.

.

WELL THAT WAS AN EPISODE. That actually wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be - it could have been a lot better but it could have been a lot worse too. The beginning and end were nice enough even if the middle part was Garbage Man Astruc’s usual atrocious mess of self-service, though I do particularly despise the hamfisted consent issue shoved in there just to generate extra reasons to hate the character. WE GET IT, YOU DON’T LIKE FELIX. OFF YOU FUCK. 

I’ve slept on this next paragraph to give myself time to formulate some concrete thoughts about the plot, so... Well, it was a mess, that’s for sure. They spent way too much time establishing how oH sO eViL Felix was and not nearly enough time actually explaining his character. 

Why is he acting out like this? What has he got against Adrien in particular? Is he really sore about Adrien not supporting him at his dad’s funeral or is that just what Adrien thinks is his problem? What was his relationship with his dad before he died? Was his troublemaking all about trying to provoke an akuma and ask Papillon to help him get his family rings back (which he was clearly trying to steal from the moment he walked through the door, only Gabe wouldn’t shake his hand the first time), or was that just a side effect of causing shit for no reason? Did he mean his apology to Adrien at the end? WHAT was the deal with the rings and the story attached to them? There’s a whole interesting story buried in here which just got completely overlooked by the emphasis on how terrible he was and that’s really disappointing. 

I did like his damaged-but-still-good relationship with Adrien though, there’s still hope there and maybe Felix (if he ever shows up again, which I only hope he does if it’s NOT another excuse for Garbage Man Astruc to shit on the PV fandom again, for the love of FUCK don’t give this guy multiple opportunities) will start coming around and making the effort to be a better cousin since Adrien’s given him a second chance. I don’t know. What I liked just as much was Marinette actually barely being in this episode at all, for the first time since Gorizilla she’s ALLOWED to be the supporting character again and that’s GREAT.

I don’t really know what else to say. I’m exhausted. Adrien’s a darling and I think I prefer my Twin AU, though canon Felix being a delightful little gremlin who causes problems-on-purpose is something I can work with in the future too. 

Thanks for coming on this... interesting journey with me! I posted a set of tweets last night which I’ll leave here to finish up:

[sodalitefully]

Enter freely and of your own will [GNR, Sluff AU]

I know, I know, I've written vampire AUs before… Several times.  But I had to write something about what a nerd Slash is for vampire fiction!  Mostly inspired by interviews Slash gave after gnr covered Sympathy For The Devil for Interview With A Vampire (so any digs at the movie adaptation are based on Slash’s opinion, not mine – I’ve never seen it!).  Occasional mentions of blood and stuff, but not particularly graphic.  This fic is expanding on an AU I originally drew here.

~~~~

In my mind, it all played out like the plot of a paranormal romance novel.  I’ve gotten familiar with those lately, thanks to the collection hidden in the bottom shelves of Slash’s library, buried below the gothic horror classics, the crime thrillers, and about a mountain of nonfiction.  Hell, I could probably write my own!  “Tall blonde unexpectedly falls for rock and roll bad boy with a dark secret,” yeah, the readers would eat that up.  Of course, our love story didn’t really start when the unsuspecting protagonist moved to a new city, or when the leather-clad love interest showed off his supernatural shredding skills.  No, I’d say it started a couple years later, when I found out Slash’s other deep, dark, embarrassing secret.   

It wasn’t a dark and stormy night… but it was a movie night at my place, a tradition for Slash and I.  Whenever we needed a break from the so-called rockstar lifestyle, we’d get together for a night in, smoke some pot and put on a movie. Slash laid back on my couch while I dug through a cabinet packed with VHS tapes and listed off a few options: 

“Let’s see, we have Jurassic Park, Alien, Interview With a Vampire – Uh, sorry, I guess that would be weird huh?”  Slash made a sour face. 

“Ugh.  I hate that movie, it’s such a bad adaptation. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, seriously?” 

“Wait,” I dropped The Empire Strikes Back and Blazing Saddles onto the growing heap of tapes and sat back on my heels to look at Slash in surprise. "You’ve seen it before?” 

“Uh…” Vampires may not be able to blush but I'd known Slash long enough to tell when he’s flustered.   

“And you’ve read the book?” 

“… Yes?”  I laughed, Slash ducked and hid his face, obviously feeling self-conscious, but I didn’t mean to laugh at him.  It was just… 

I’d assumed that a real-life vampire would roll their eyes at the cliche, over-romanticized movie interpretations of their kind.  Instead, I learned of Slash’s (nearly) indiscriminate love for all things vampire, anything from Carmilla to Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  He was a sucker (hah, get it?) for dripping fangs, swishing capes, even those crazy accents, ever since he was a kid.  And I can’t lie, it was pretty endearing.  I wasn’t in love with him yet, but the more he told me about his obsession, the more warm and tingly I felt, charmed by how genuine he was – Hell, I barely even teased him about it!  Somehow, that conversation felt even more personal than finding out he was a damn vampire.  I was really touched that he felt comfortable sharing his interests with me, that he trusted me with his softer, nerdier, more romantic side.   

I resisted the temptation to press for more details that night, but a month or so later, I caught him in the act!  I remember waking up in the afternoon after crashing at his place so late it was early the night before.  I wandered around his big, spooky house until I found Slash curled up in one of his fancy antique armchairs, his legs dangling over the armrest and a paperback book cradled in his lap.  I couldn’t make out the curlicued script on the cover, but from the captivated look on his face it was a favorite – his eyes were bright as they darted across the page, and his lips curled into a warm, gentle smile. 

I couldn’t stand to disturb him, so I snuck off before he noticed me in the doorway, and headed down the hall to the room he’d transformed into a tiny library – The man had a library in his house; between that and the subtly gothic decor it was hard to believe I never noticed that Slash was playing up the vampire aesthetic, consciously or not!  Anyway, I poked around until I found where he hid his collection of vampire lit, and snatched a few that were, shall we say, not quite as acclaimed as Dracula or even The Vampire Chronicles.  I don’t remember the titles, but there were a couple paperback romances and a horror novel with a badass-looking dude on the cover. 

I had to see what all the fuss was about, you know?  Yeah, this kind of thing wasn’t exactly up my alley, but Slash usually had good taste, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to check it out.  Plus, if it was important to Slash, I wanted to know about it!  And not just the well-known classics either; I wanted the guilty pleasures, I wanted to see what it was that could make Slash smile like that when no one was watching. 

I’ll be honest, it wasn’t bad.  I wasn’t a big reader at the time, but I raced through the horror novel in just two days, and trust me, I barely slept the night in between!  The trashy romance was more enjoyable than I would ever admit; even with all the cliches and melodrama there was something compelling about unraveling the tangled web of forbidden love in a world full of the supernatural. 

At this point, I was very cautiously beginning to entertain the idea that I might see Slash as more than just a buddy and a bandmate.  As friends, were were closer than ever, hardly spent a day apart, and I was beginning to notice things that I hadn’t noticed before.  Things like the way he always smiled at my lame jokes, the way he leaned on my shoulder when he was pretending to be drunk, the way he tossed his hair on stage… And I couldn’t help wondering whether Slash identified more with the heroine or the love interest.  Did he want to be the cool, mysterious vampire lover, or the unsuspecting protagonist who gets drawn into an alluring new world? 

I got my answer a couple months later, in town again after a leg on the road. It was a steaming hot summer day back in L.A., and Slash was dozing on his couch. This wasn’t unusual in and of itself, Slash’s sleep schedule had been fucked for as long as I'd known him. No, what made this instance significant was that I was also on the couch, reclined with my feet over the armrest and Slash draped across my chest. Tales From The Crypt played at a murmur on a brand-new TV set, but I wasn’t paying any attention. 

See, at this point I’d recently learned that, when Slash focused hard enough, he could hear a living person’s blood pulsing in their veins and detect changes in body temperature.  And that had me wondering: Could he tell that my heart beat faster when he leaned against me on stage?  Could he tell that my ears got warm every time he turned a smile my way? 

Could he tell how much I was affected by his weight on top of me?   

He was like a huge cat in my lap, relaxed from head to toe.  If you paid attention, you could tell that he was breathing more slowly that an ordinary human should be and his bare skin was slightly cool.  Other than that he looked completely normal… Except for his teeth.  His mouth was slightly open, allowing his pointed, knife-sharp teeth to scrape against his lower lip. 

To Slash’s chagrin, they weren't gleaming white, perfectly straight fangs; instead they more closely resembled a shark’s jaw, crowded with small flesh-tearing blades.  It was rare to see them exposed, Slash was careful to limit himself to tight-lipped smiles and mumbled dialogue whenever his secret was at risk. Even in private he was self-conscious about it, and I considered myself lucky when he grinned openly in my presence. 

“Hey, Slash?”   

“…Hmm?” Languidly, he shifted until he was looking up at me.  Midafternoon sun leaked through the blinds brightly enough for me to make out a hint of red in his eyes, the other (un)dead giveaway that was usually obscured by his sedately lidded gaze.   

"You know how you said the other day that you have really strong senses? Well... I was wondering what other, uh, non-human traits you have. How true are the myths about vampires, really?” 

“Well… Hm.  My eyes are pretty sensitive to daylight.  And technically I’m nocturnal.  But I don’t have fangs, I don’t really look like a vampire and I don’t have superpowers.” I swear to god, he pouted a little.  "All things considered I didn’t really get any of the cool stuff." 

“No super-strength?  Or mind reading? Can you shapeshift into a bat?” 

“Don’t you think I’d tell you if I could turn into a bat?  At least I don’t have any of those stupid weaknesses, I can be in the sun and eat garlic and whatever.” He paused ponderously. “…You know, I might be immortal, I was around a long time before Tony and Ola took me in.  Guess I’ll find out in a few decades.” 

“That would be pretty cool.” 

“Yeah, maybe." 

“So... do you enthrall your victims?” I prodded, in a spooky, menacing voice belied by my goofy grin. 

Slash snorted a laugh and shook his head at my antics. “No, I can’t do that either.  Well, I don’t know, do you feel enthralled?” 

I laughed awkwardly and counted my blessings when Slash didn't notice that my unspoken answer was an empathetic Yes. 

Slash chuckled with me, then sighed.  “Fuck, I wish vampires like that were real, though…” he confessed softly. 

“Like what?” 

“You know, badass, seductive, awesome powers…” He waved a hand toward a pinup poster on the wall with a corset and fangs, then let his head fall back to my chest.  He mumbled into my shirt, “Is it really so much to ask for a sexy vampire to come and sweep me off my feet?” 

“Slash, I hate to tell you this, but…” I couldn’t make it through the sentence with a straight face. 

He swatted my bicep – pretty hard too, was he sure he didn’t have super-strength? “Fuck you, Duff, you know what I mean." 

And, yeah, dreaming of being wooed by a beautiful, badass, intelligent and darkly mysterious vampire?  Who appeared in my life and changed it forever, who blew me away with his capability and his passion?  Who could captivate me with just a look? 

Yeah. Believe me, I could relate.

~~~~

Happy Halloween! 

[tiramisiyu]

【未定事件簿】 Tears of Themis: “Romantic Rail Getaway” Lu Jinghe Route, Day 2

Translation Masterlist | Event Masterlist

Lu Jinghe Route: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5

Videos, where applicable, are hyperlinked on the headings in the post.

See under cut!

Part 1: Mangrove Forest Scenery – “The Beauty of the Mangrove Forest”

The dense mangrove forest meandered into little parts, and the rich green assaulted our senses, stretching to ends beyond our sight.

MC: The mangrove forest is so beautiful…

Lu Jinghe: Mhmm, it feels really good to breathe in fresh air.

In this sea of trees, I felt like I had become one with the clear, free air, making me particularly relaxed.

Lu Jinghe: Right! It said on the guide that the special events of the Mangrove Forest Park were canoe rafting and forest exploration.

Lu Jinghe: Which do you want to try?

Do you even need to ask? Only a kid would bother choosing. An adult would, of course…

MC: I want them all!

 Park Inquiry Hut

Staff: Hello, which event would you two like to try?

MC: We want to experience canoe rafting and the cableway adventure.

Staff: The canoe rafting location is at the forest dock. The two of you can follow the leftside pathway to the end.

Staff: The cableway adventure location just happens to be near the end of the canoe rafting event.

Staff: The two of you can try the canoe rafting first, and after you arrive to the end on the boat, you can follow the riverside forest path to go to the cableway adventure location.

MC: Okay, thank you.

Staff: No problem. If there’s anything else you want to know, you can ask me.

--

INTERROGATION START

Park Attractions

MC: May I ask, aside from the canoe rafting and forest exploration, what other fun attractions are there in the Mangrove Forest Park?

Staff: I’d recommend that the two of you check out the Pathway of Reverie and the root-carving art museum.

Staff: These two spots are also popular attractions in our park, and they’re worth the trip.

Pathway of Reverie

MC: What’s the Pathway of Reverie?

Staff: The Pathway of Reverie is a forest path, formed from specially-shaped mangrove wood.

Staff: We’ve designed a specific shape for each mangrove tree. Visitors who walk on the path will feel like they’ve appeared in a fairy-tale world.

MC: (A fairy tale world path? Sounds pretty charming.)

MC: When we have time later, let’s go see.

Root-carving Art Museum

Lu Jinghe: Where is the root-carving art museum located?

Staff: It’s near the art display area on the south side.

Staff: Over a hundred root-carving works meticulously designed by Tambuyani’s root-carving artists are collected there.

Staff: I’m sure visitors will definitely feel the charm of the root-carving art.

Special Events

MC: I’ve looked over the guide recommendations before. It seems like the mangrove forest park has some special events?

MC: What kinds of events are they? Could you give us a simple intro?

Staff: If we’re talking special… it’s probably the park’s tree-root carving experience and the mangrove bug barbeque taste test that the dining area just put out.

Mangrove Bug

Lu Jinghe: Do mangrove bugs taste good?

Why does Lu Jinghe look like he’s looking forward to it?!

Staff: The mangrove bug is a type of parasitic bug that lives in mangrove trunks.

Staff: After the chefs use their special methods to deal with it, and when Tambuyani’s special local dipping sauce is added to it, the taste is refreshing, with a special hint of fruit tree wood.

Staff: I recommend that daring guests try it out.

Lu Jinghe: Jiejie, how about we…

MC: Nope, nope. I… I can just watch you eat.

Root Carving Experience

MC: Whoa… I’m pretty interested in the root-carving experience!

Staff: The tree-root carving experience is on the first floor of the root-carving art museum. Visitors who would like to try can head there.

Staff: We provide mangrove tree roots for free to visitors who participate in the event, and the visitors can also take their carved works for themselves.

MC: (This one really tests hands-on skills. Hm… although, with Lu Jinghe here, I should be able to try!)

INTERROGATION COMPLETE

--

Staff: Do the two of you have any other questions?

MC: None left, thank you.

Staff: No problem, I hope you two have fun.

--

MC: Canoeing, the cableway, the Pathway of Reverie, and the root-carving experience… they all seem pretty interesting.

MC: Hm, looks like today’s itinerary is already full.

Lu Jinghe: It’s not full – it’s rich.

Lu Jinghe: Let’s go – our rich, fun day starts now!

 Part 2: Forest Exploration

[Gameplay]

Part 3: Pathway of Reverie

[Gameplay]

 Part 4: Root-carving Art Area – “Unexpected Indigenous Peoples”

Mangrove Forest Park

After we finished visiting the Pathway of Reverie and the root-carving art museum, we eagerly followed the path towards the next attraction – the canoe rafting.

But before we neared the path, thick smoke came from the shrubs, assaulting our senses, making me cough repeatedly.

MC: Ahem ahem… something’s caught fire?!

Lu Jinghe: Yeah, someone’s burning something in the forest!

Mangroves grew on the edge of the tidal flats, and the surroundings were all very wet. It was unlikely for a fire to occur naturally.

It was very evident that someone was intentionally burning something on the tree borderline.

Lu Jinghe: I’m going to contact the staff first, and then we’ll go see.

MC: Okay!

--

There were scorch marks all over the shrubbery and plants, and the further we walked, the more choking the smoke grew.

In the middle of a mess, several people wearing Tambuyani indigenous clothing had gathered up closely amid the trees.

Some people, holding torches, lit up the shrubbery and incinerated the grass. Some people, holding axes, were chopping off tree branches and clearing up the excess.

MC: What are you doing?!

My voice caught the attention of that group. A man that looked like the leader walked out.

Indigenous Leader: We’re plowing the land.

Lu Jinghe: Friend, don’t your words sound kind of wrong? You all are clearly burning the trees and cutting at random.

Lu Jinghe had just spoken when one of the indigenous people started to shout.

Indigenous Person A: Leader, drive them away!

Indigenous Person B: Exactly, exactly. What do foreigners know – don’t get in our way!

[Gameplay]

Indigenous Leader: We have a reason behind why we’re doing this. Foreigners, I’d encourage you to not concern yourself where you shouldn’t.

The indigenous leader’s tone downplayed the situation, as if cutting down trees that had grown for so long was as simple as pulling up weeds in a courtyard.

That’s way too awful. We absolutely can’t compromise so easily!

I thought about it, then decided to talk to them to delay time, until staff members arrived.

--

INTERROGATION START

Reason for Incinerating Trees

MC: Then couldn’t you tell us about the reason?

Lu Jinghe: Yeah, you’re keeping us foreigners in suspense by only speaking about half of it.

Indigenous Leader: You foreigners are so annoying!

It seemed like our questions had annoyed him. He put down the tools he was holding and started explaining to us.

Indigenous Leader: It’s such a waste to grow these useless trees on such a large tract of land. Might as well make space for us to grow parrot-tail fairy flowers!

Parrot-tail Fairy Flower

MC: Y-you’re going to plant parrot-tail fairy flowers?!

Aren’t parrot-tail fairy flowers a rare plant that Pax’s researchers only noticed recently?

It wasn’t just me – Lu Jinghe also had a stunned expression.

Although, he changed to an extremely professional business smile very quickly.

Lu Jinghe: The flower you’re talking about… what is it? How come I’ve never heard of it?

Indigenous Leader: That’s the sacred flower of Tambuyani. If you eat its petals, you can get rid of the diseases you have and live healthily and peacefully forever.

Lu Jinghe: If you eat this flower, is it that you’ll never get sick again?

Indigenous Leader: Yeah. Otherwise, how could we call it a sacred flower? Foreigners, want to buy some and try?

Lu Jinghe: Sure, how are you selling it?

As expected of Lu Jinghe. His tone was absolutely that of a foreign visitor that knew nothing and was easily fooled.

The indigenous leader gradually let down his guard, becoming quite eager.

Indigenous Leader: For our friendship, the price is negotiable!

Indigenous Leader: We’ve got flower fields at other places. How about I take you two there to see it?

Location of the Flower Field

Lu Jinghe: Where is the flower field? If I buy a lot, can you give me a discount?

Indigenous Leader: Hah, don’t worry! We’ve got a large parrot-tail fairy flower field in Imana Forest, and I guarantee that supply will be sufficient!

Indigenous Leader: As for discounts… we’ll have to see how much you buy.

INTERROGATION COMPLETE

--

MC: (If we keep asking, these indigenous people might actually take us to their flower field to see their supply.)

We’d delayed time for so long, so the staff members should probably almost be here.

I surreptitiously tugged at the opening of Lu Jinghe’s sleeve, hinting that it was about time. He turned around and winked, receiving my hint.

Indigenous Leader: Now that we’ve said this much, are you two going to buy the parrot-tail fairy flower?

Lu Jinghe: I thought about it seriously… and I feel like this situation still isn’t that reliable.

Lu Jinghe: Also, before you start conducting business so warmly, you should consider the current circumstances first.

Indigenous Leader: What?!

Not too far away, we heard the faint sounds of screeching sirens and the rolling movements of tires.

Seeing their plan dissolve away, the indigenous people showed expressions of fury, one by one.

Indigenous Leader: So goddamn annoying, you hindering foreigners!

However, it was pointless no matter how furious they got. Staff and police arrived very quickly and got the situation under control.

The end of the matter here could be considered a temporary moment of peace.

 Part 5: Wetlands in the Forest

[Gameplay]

 Part 6: Unexpected Interference

Mangrove Forest Park

The sky grew gradually darker, and the clamoring turmoil in the mangrove forest park also gradually died down.

There were only the remnants of burnt-smelling air from the incinerations, reminding of us the disaster that this mangrove forest had endured, not too long ago.

In this sort of atmosphere, neither I nor Lu Jinghe had the heart to have fun.

We sat by the river and randomly ate a few things, ending the day’s itinerary carelessly.

MC: I didn’t think that this much stuff would happen today.

Lu Jinghe: Ugh, the canoe rafting and the mangrove forest cableway adventure plans all went up in smoke.

Lu Jinghe dejectedly held a tree branch, drawing circles on the ground.

Seeing the mangrove branch in his hand, the scenes of the indigenous people roughly cutting down the trees and setting fire to the forest emerged before my eyes.

MC: The most troublesome issue right now are those indigenous people… what if they continue wreaking damage on the mangrove forest park tomorrow?

Lu Jinghe: I’ve gotten someone to let the local people in charge know about the situation, to have them dispatch people to supervise and manage this place.

MC: Hmm… that’s all we can do for now.

Lu Jinghe: I’m just afraid that they can manage this place for a while, but they can’t manage it forever.

Lu Jinghe: It seems like those indigenous people don’t know that burning and cutting down trees is a bad thing at all…

MC: That’s what I also felt… maybe, to them, we’re the interfering rascals.

Lu Jinghe: They even said “We’ve got a large parrot-tail fairy flower field in Imana Forest, and I guarantee that supply will be sufficient”…

Lu Jinghe: If I didn’t learn about the parrot-tail fairy flower situation in advance, I definitely would’ve thought that this is a medicinal herb panacea that’s always ready in the households of the indigenous.

MC: Maybe they truly believe that the flowers they’ve planted are the “parrot-tail fairy flowers” that can bring wealth.

Tambuyani’s economy was undeveloped, and the gap between the rich and poor was significant.

The indigenous people were mostly simple and pure. If they were to believe that there was something that could bring them greater wealth…

They would simply finish off this matter without considering any consequences.

If so, as we don’t know how many forests would encounter unacceptable disasters, what should we do?

>Mention your own suggestion >Ask for help from Lu Jinghe

MC: Should we go to Imana Rainforest and take a look at the flower field that the indigenous people mentioned?

MC: Just listening to them say these things isn’t enough for us to confirm the situation… we have to see it to believe it.

Lu Jinghe: No problem. Tomorrow, the train is going to drive near the Imana Rainforest tribe. We can look around on the way.

MC: Mhmm, let’s do that for now!

 >Mention your own suggestion >Ask for help from Lu Jinghe

MC: Lu Jinghe, do… you have any ideas?

Lu Jinghe: Let me think… the train will drive near the Imana Rainforest tribe tomorrow…

Lu Jinghe: How about we take a look at what’s up with that flower field that the indigenous people mentioned, on the way?

MC: Sounds reasonable… seeing is believing, after all. Only when we get our hands on the detailed situation can we think up of a way to solve this.

MC: Then tomorrow, we’ll figure things alone the way at the rainforest!

[immabethehero]

Schneeplestein Apparently Has a Heart

The good doctor’s birthday is here and of course I wrote a story! Just warning, this story is quite dark. Read the trigger warnings below.

TW: Suicide attempt by gunshot (not seen, just implied), suicidal thoughts and words, extreme distress, minor violence, blood mentioned.

For the short amount of time that Jackieboy Man and Marvin the Magnificent have lived with Dr. Henrik Nicholas von Schneeplestein, MD, PhD, MVP, FFS, they have learned a few important lessons, or rules:

NEVER, under any circumstances, touch the top left cupboard on the outside of the kitchen opening. That’s where Schneep’s coffee supply is, and if you touch it, even ONCE, Schneep will be out for your blood.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you mention Schneep’s wife, Lisette Schneeplestein. Apparently, the French brunette whom Schneep has been married to for the past 7 years has fucked off (Schneep’s words) back to France with her tennis instructor, Rick, short for Ricardo (Italian, apparently) and taken their two daughters with her. (Schneep has cleaned out Lisette and the girls’ rooms, and all the belongings they have left behind, in their efforts to leave so quickly, are packed away in storage containers in the garage. Schneep has yet to mail them to Lisette’s new address.)

DO NOT wake Schneep earlier than 10 AM in the morning if it’s his one day off. Despite having an early bird’s job, Schneep is not a morning person. Another reason why Schneep is dependent on coffee.

UNLESS it is an emergency, no one but Schneep is allowed in his office. As there are so many things to keep track of, and so many papers that could easily be misplaced, it is best not to touch, or even go inside the office, lest you want to throw the doctor off his game or have the doctor throw you off a cliff.

Despite these four unspoken yet very specific rules, Marvin and Jackie have learned one more this past month: despite the doctor’s arrogant, haughty, snappy, disgusting, even FERAL demeanour, he truly is a good person.

It just took a new ego to show them that.

March 30th, 2017. Schneep’s mail has been unceremoniously thrown onto the dining room table. Schneep’s hands, long and graceful, slide through the envelopes and fliers, organizing them into piles, from taxes and business inquiries to subscriptions and sales.

Jackie lazily eats his cereal, watching Schneep sort through the mail like a madman. Geez, just how popular is this guy?! It’s almost as wild as Jack’s mail. At least there’s more interesting stuff for Jack... drawings, letters of encouragement and thanks, even the rare crocheted or sculpted gift.

Schneep freezes when he comes across a particular letter, one with a cutesy pin cupcake logo. His eyes grow solemn as he picks it up and shakily opens it. Jackie cocks his head.

“Something wrong, doctor?” he asks lightly.

Schneep looks up. “Hm? Oh!” He sighs. “It’s from a baking class Sophia and I used to take together. Lisette had insisted I learn how to cook as well, so it wouldn’t always be her making the meals, and she figured it would be good bonding for me and Sophia. Soph loved those classes. We’d learn all sorts of fascinating recipes and bring the results home. They were fun, and very sweet.”

Jackie nods seriously. He knows he should leave it there, but something’s confusing him. “It’s been quite a few months since you stopped going. Why are they sending you stuff now?”

Schneep unfolds the letter. As he reads it, his eyes widen and a smile begins curling at his lips.

Somehow, that only makes more questions. “What…?”

“It’s not the company themself, it’s Chase! He was a friend from the classes! I haven’t spoken to him in forever! He’s such a lovely person, it’d be nice to see him again!” Schneep grabs his phone and hastily types in the number at the bottom of the letter. He squeals and runs off, like a teenager who just got a text from their crush.

The letter lies on the table, open for all to read. Jackie knows better than to pry into other people’s lives, but this letter is wide open, and it’s not like Schneep needs to know, so the superhero leans over and reads.

Hey Henrik,

This is probably weird to get, but I lost your phone number and I don’t know what your address is, so I asked the dudes at the baking class if I could send a letter to you via their services.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, and I thought I’d better check in and see how you’re doing, see how bachelor life is treating you. Stacy and the kids miss seeing you as well. I wanna talk to you again.

My cell is #1273-545-8903.

Hope to see you soon!

Chase Brody

Chase Brody. That sounds like an American to Jackie’s ears. He does seem like a good person, if Schneep’s reaction wasn’t enough. He must have been a friend for Schneep when the doctor went through his divorce.

The name itself sounds familiar, like a local celebrity or something. Jackie makes a mental note to look it up later. He leans back and finishes his cereal just as Schneep comes back, holding his phone out. Marvin finally emerges, his green hair resembling a rat’s nest, and no mask. Jackie takes pride in the fact that Marvin now feels comfortable enough to show his face in front of Schneep and Jackie.

“Well, change of plans, I won’t be able to come home in time for dinner with you guys,” Schneep announces. Jackie nods.

“Wait what? Why?” Marvin slurs, slumping down at the dining room table.

“I’m going to see Chase after my shift today. We agreed to meet in the park,” Schneep explains curtly, and leaves.

“Did I miss something?” Marvin asks, turning to Jackie. Jackie nods down to the letter. Marvin leans over to read, only for the letter to be snatched up by the doctor.

“Who said you could go through my stuff?!” Schneep snapped. He stormed off, letter clutched firmly in his hand. Marvin sneers at Jackie, who only shrugs and winks. The magician rolls his eyes, but he understands. A shrug and a wink means I’ll tell you later.

Schneep throws on his brown coat and grabs his bag. “Have a nice day, boys. If I don’t see you later tonight, sweet dreams and I’ll see you in the morning.” He flies out, coat flapping behind him.

“He’s gotta show me how he rocks an overcoat so well. I’m jealous of the way he holds himself. So professional,” Marvin remarks. He quickly turns to Jackie. “Spill the tea.”

“Schneep’s meeting an old friend from a baking class he used to take with his daughter,” Jackie says. “His name is Chase Brody. The name sounds so familiar to me, and I don’t know why.”

“Look it up on your phone,” Marvin suggests. Jackie does just that.

Immediately, Wikipedia comes to the egos’ rescue. Chase Brody, (born April 11th, 1988)  is an American-Irish Youtuber who is best known for his Youtube channel, Bro Average. As of February 2017, his channel has over 20 million views and over 10 million subscribers.

“Oh yeah, the trickshot vlogger!” Jackie says. “I like watching his stuff, he’s a funny dude.”

Marvin nods. “He must have kids as well.  He wouldn’t be taking classes if he didn’t.”

Jackie scrolls down to Personal Life. “‘Chase is married to Stacy Matthews, and they have three children as of 2017, two biological twins, and one recently adopted daughter.’” The selfie provided shows a man with fair skin and bright blue eyes standing next to a red-headed lady doing a duckface.

“Hm. Sounds like he’s living the good life,” Marvin says. “A well-paid job, a nice family, a happy life.”

Boy, is he wrong.

At 5 PM exactly, Schneep sits at the bench by the great oak tree, waiting for Chase. He wraps his blue and navy scarf tighter around his neck as a cool breeze whisks by. Despite what the weather people promised, Athlone is nowhere near warm, despite it being spring. He examines the park-goers who walk by, picking up on every accident that could occur.

Parents swinging their child up and down: a broken arm, arms could pull out of their sockets, or the child could fall on their head and get a concussion. Or worse, permanent brain injuries.

Kids climbing trees: Another chance to fall and hit their tiny heads and sustain brain damage, if not that, broken limbs and splinters.

Teenagers skateboarding: more broken bones and limbs, but at least SOME are smart enough to put pads and helmets on. Others have no chance of recovering fully from brain damage or concussions should they fall on their heads-

“Henrik!” Henrik snaps to life and looks around. A man wearing a puffy black jacket, torn jeans and a snapback with a pink skull on it runs over to him. Schneep stands up.

“Chase Brody! Wie geht es dir mein freund?” Schneep cries out in delight, holding his arms out. Chase happily throws himself into them.

“I’m doing as well as I can, at least. It’s so good to see your face,” Chase sighs. He nuzzles Henrik’s hair, taking in the sanitizer and mint smell he’s gotten used to. “I’ve missed you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Schneep says. “Come, sit down next to me! Tell me how things have been.  How are Stacy and your kids? Has Chloe adjusted to the new timezone yet?” Chloe is Chase’s recently adopted daughter from China. Schneep’s last visit with the Brody’s involved meeting her.

Chase’s smile fades and he sits down next to Schneep. “Um…”

Schneep’s stomach sinks. “That’s never good. What happened? Who died?!”

“Calm down, Henrik!” Chase exclaims. “No one died! Everyone’s fine. Chloe’s adjusted quite nicely.”

“Then why do you look so sad?!” Schneep cries.

Chase fidgets with his jacket zipper, mumbling incomprehensibly. Henrik leans closer. “Didn’t catch that.”

“StacyandIaregettingadivorce,” Chase whispers. Schneep’s stomach flips and sinks.

“What?”

“Stacy and I are getting divorced,” Chase repeats, louder now. “She said she still loves me, but not quite in a… romantic way, I guess. She wants us to just be friends.”

“Well, at least she still wants to be on friendly terms, I guess!” Schneep says. “Still, I can’t believe it… you two were such a sweet couple… so in love…”

“There’s another reason why she wants a divorce,” Chase admits. Schneep’s eyes turn wide as saucers.

“She’s seeing someone. An old friend from high school. I’ve seen her texts,” Chase says. He scrunches up the end of his shirt, nose wrinkling. Schneep hears him sniff.

“I don’t know how long it’s gone on… and I know she didn’t mean to… but still…” Chase finally looks up, eyes tearing. “How could she do that? I would have been okay with it! Maybe. I don’t know!” Chase buries his face in his hands.

Schneep pats Chase’s shoulder gently. He can’t believe Stacy cheated! She and Chase were such a romantic couple! They seemed so happy! Why would Stacy throw that all away for some whore? “What a bitch…”

Chase suddenly whacks Schneep’s hand off, eyes fierce. “Don’t call her that! It’s not like that!  At least she still wants me in her life! She’s not like Lisette!” An awkward silence fills the air.

Chase gasps. “Henrik, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way-”

“Oh!” Schneep cries. “It’s fine! It’s no big deal!” Yeah, that was a low blow, but he would rather Chase doesn’t end up like him: cranky, alienating, friendless, alone. He needs a friend more than ever.

“No it’s not, I just sunk really low! You must be furious-”

“I’m not, I promise!” He’s not, surprisingly. Is this growth?! What the fuck?!

“I need to control myself better. I’m a grownup, for fuck’s sake, I should know better…” Chase moans, burrowing his head in his hands again.

“Chase!” Schneep exclaims. “You mustn’t beat yourself up like that! You’re one of my very best friends, which isn’t saying much because I don’t have any, but still! You have to be one of the nicest people I know! You’re anything but a dick!”

“I feel like you’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Chase mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

“I’m not, I swear !” Schneep says.

“I’m sorry, Henrik, I really am,” Chase says.

“I forgive you,” Schneep says, and means it. “I’m serious.”

“I should go,” Chase decides, standing. Schneep gets up as well.

“What? No! I’m not mad!” he protests.

“It’s my turn to pick the kids up,” Chase snaps. “I’ll see you around, Henrik. Sorry I can’t stay long.” He briskly runs off.

Schneeplestein yells and kicks the bench. “FUCK! FUCK! AAAHHH!!!”

Other park visitors turn in confusion, watching the strange man kick the bench and scream.

Schneep freezes when he notices everyone staring at him. He storms back to his car, slams the door shut and continues his screaming.

Once Schneep has finished “releasing his anger” (Jackie’s words, not his) he “reflects on the situation” (also Jackie’s words). What could he do to make Chase feel better?

He stays in the car for an hour, letting the world pass by as he thinks. By the time the sun has set, he has an idea.

Jackie and Marvin glare at each other from across the hall. Sirius the cat has hidden, choosing not to get involved. The little pegs in the cribbage board are neck-in-neck, both pegs exactly 4 steps away from the end hole. The egos stare at their cards.

“Four,” Jackie announces, putting the card down.

“Fourteen,” Marvin says.

The door flies open and Schneep rushes in, hair windswept and out of breath. “Where’s Jack?!” he demands.

“Out in his universe,” Jackie responds. “Fifteen for two!” He puts down an ace.

“Sixteen for two!” Marvin slams the ace down, looking triumphant. Jackie flips him off.

“When will he visit?!” Schneep questions.

“When he wishes,” Jackie responds. “Twenty-five!”

“How can I contact him?!”

“Why are you so interested?!” Marvin asks. “Thirty-one, bitch!” He flips Jackie off.

“I have a request for him!” Schneep responds curtly. 

“What kind?” Jackie asks.

“It’s for a friend,” Schneep brushes him off, heading to his lab.

“Chase Brody?” Marvin guesses. Jackie kicks him.

Schneep turns around. “What did you say?”

Marvin gulps. “You left your letter on the table for me to read. I was fast enough to catch the gist before you snatched it up. So how is Chase Brody?”

Schneep growls softly and walks back to the table. Marvin sits up with his head held high, bracing himself for the punishment. No matter what Schneep does, slugging, kicking, ruining his hair, the magician can take it.  He’s been through worse.

To Marvin and Jackie’s surprise, Schneep pulls up a chair and sits down. The doctor takes a deep breath. “Chase Brody is divorcing his wife. That’s all I’m going to say.”

Jackie and Marvin nod in understanding. “That’s sad to hear,” Jackie remarks, solemnly.

“But how’s talking to Jack going to help?” Marvin queries.

“I want him to make a video for Chase,” Schneep says. “If this so-called community exists, I want to see them show their love for Chase! It’s the least he deserves!”

Marvin and Jackie catch each other’s gaze. Schneep glares at Jackie expectantly.

“Well? You’ve lived with Jack the longest. How do you contact him?!” Schneep demands.

“I have his number in case of emergencies, but I’ve never had a reason to call him! I don’t even know if he’s available,” Jackie explains.

“He has to be.  What else does a man who plays video games for a living do?!” Schneep snaps, incredulous. “It’s not like he has to be places or anything!” He looms over Jackie, a desperate, pleading look in his eyes. Jackie nearly topples out of his chair.

“I guess I could give it a shot,” the superhero mumbles.

Schneep squeals in delight and wraps his arms tightly around Jackie in what Jackie assumes to be a hug. The superhero pats the doctor’s arms, taken aback by his strength.

After a few sickeningly sweet seconds, Marvin pipes up, “Uh, doc? I think Jackie needs to be able to breathe in order to call Jack.”

Sheepishly, Schneeplestein lets Jackie go. The superhero gulps in big gasps of air, before grabbing his phone and dialing Jack’s number.

A day later, Jack McLoughlin sits at the egos’ dining room table, chomping away on mashed potatoes and a juicy steak.

“My goodness, you never told me what a good chef you were, Schneep!” he sighs in ecstasy.

Schneep bows his head, face glowing red. Jackie raises an eyebrow. Schneep almost NEVER blushes when given a compliment. It’s strange to see the doctor act so shy and humble around someone, especially Jack. It feels like only yesterday Schneep was bombarding Jack with questions about where he came from and how the alternate universe worked. Since that day, Jack has quickly risen to become one of Schneep’s favourite people on the planet. Not that Jackie is jealous or anything…

“Just a little recipe I learned for my wife…” Schneep mutters, playing with the end of his lab coat. Across the table, Marvin snickers lightly, watching the doctor fumble for words. Finally, some entertainment!

“So, what was the call for?” Jack asks. “Just wanted to say hi?” His expression darkens. “Is it Anti? What did he do?!”

“It’s not Anti.  We haven’t heard from him for a while!” Jackie says. Jack sighs in relief.

“I mean, I know I made that video for PAX and all but I just wanted to make sure,” Jack says.

“You made an Anti video for PAX?!” Marvin cries. “Why?”

“Because the fans would enjoy it! Also because I was running out of ideas for what to do for an opening,” Jack admits. “It just seemed like the right amount of fun and originality without being too over the top!”

“When is Anti not over the top?” Jackie scoffs. That earns a laugh from the others.

“Actually, it’s Schneep who has a question for you,” Marvin says.

Jack turns to Schneeplestein. Schneep’s smile disappears. He looks around the table, watching everyone’s gaze. He grins nervously at Jack.

“Could I ask you in private? This stuff… it is… personal.”

“Sure. Let’s go,” Jack says, standing up. Schneep follows after him.

In the upstairs hallway, Schneep spills everything. He explains who Chase is, what’s going on in his life, and how he believes making Chase an ego could help his situation.

“Make another ego? Oh god, I’m having enough trouble managing you all right now,” Jack admits.

“All you have to do is make one video. The fans can do the rest,” Schneep presses.

“How?”

“By showing their love for Chase! He’s a funny and sweet guy! Your fans would love him!”

“How will the community’s love help a man struggling with a divorce?” Jack questions.

“Their love will lift his spirits and he will feel more confident and happy! You said you noticed a difference in us after the community made content of us! If that is really true, then I want to see them show their love for Chase. It’s the least he deserves!”

Jack is silent, contemplating the pros and cons. Finally, he sighs and says, “Can you show me what he usually does?”

Schneep types something into his phone. He logs onto Youtube and types a channel name into the search bar. Bro Average.

“Bro Average? Is that a parody of Dude Perfect?” Jack asks, chuckling.

“Well, it’s because there’s only one person performing every stunt, and because it’s less... professional than the other channel,” Schneep explains. “For example-”

The video shows Chase at a park, holding a Nerf gun and wearing a goofy grin. “Sup, guys! I’m Chase, and welcome to Bro Average!” He shoots a nerf dart off-screen, only for it to crash into something, invoking a cat screech. Chase pretends to be startled.

It flashes forward to Chase in a tree. “This one’s called, ‘Multitasking’!” He hangs off a branch while trying to knock over six cups stacked up on each other with darts. Jack can’t stop snickering at Chase’s antics, as he wobbles and threatens to lose his balance. Chase yelps and squeals, and a few times, swearing can be heard, though it’s censored by loud beeps. Finally, Chase hits his target, just as the branch snaps. Chase whoops with glee as he crashes onto the ground, the branch smacking into his head. His cameraman runs over to him, worried, but Chase is rolling on the ground in laughter as tears run down his face.

“He is not nearly as good as the professionals, but his humour and authenticness bring in the fans,” Schneep says, smiling.

“He sounds like a blast!” Jack takes the phone and begins to skim through Chase’s videos. “I bet I could make something work! I’ll borrow an office space, bring a couple friends and film a few shots! Can’t be that hard!”

“So you will do it?!” Schneep cries.

“Absolutely! Give me a couple days and it will be ready!”

Schneep cheers and engulfs Jack in a bear hug. Jack laughs and pats his friend’s back. It’s nice to see the doctor open up at last to his new roommates and creator, and so quickly, as well. Jack decides Schneep can be rewarded for his good nature by granting his wish and helping out a new friend.

A few weeks pass. Schneeplestein schedules more visits with Chase. The two fathers laugh and chat, learning more about each other and discussing whatever they please without the worry of kids hearing. Schneep feels his spirits lift whenever he sees Chase’s snapback and hears his cheerful voice.

In the night, a familiar sensation returns to the egos’ dreams. Sounds of a Nerf gun, kids laughing and on the rare occasion, a man crying fills the egos’ heads as they sleep. Schneep feels his heart break when he hears Chase’s cries. He hopes this video will help Chase. It has to.

April 11th, 2017. The egos are gathered around the dining room table, Jack’s Youtube account open on his laptop. 

Jack idly sits at the centre, waiting for Schneep to arrive with Chase. Marvin and Jackie play another round of cribbage, and this time Jackie seems to be way ahead on the board, much to the magician’s dismay.

“I’m going to be skunked! I hate this game so fucking much!” Marvin gripes, as he receives two points for his math efforts.

Jackie snickers as he counts his cards. “This takes both luck and skill. You’re a fast learner, Marv.  I’m sure you’ll pull through soon.”

“Not soon enough,” grumbles Marvin as Jackie moves his peg 16 points.

The door opens and Schneep walks in with Chase Brody right behind him. Compared to the laughing man with the warm aura in Google Images, this Chase looks cold and kind of grumpy.

“Chase, this is Jack McLoughlin, our ‘creator’ and a wonderful man,” Schneep introduces. Jack awkwardly holds his hand out for a shake. Even though he’s seen versions of himself several times this past year, it’s still rather unnerving to be given death stares by himself but with yellow hair, snapback and a fair share of freckles.

“Jack, this is Chase Brody, your newest ego and the face of Bro Average!” Schneep continues. Chase raises an eyebrow.

“Ego? Like alter ego?” Chase turns to the others, and realizes that they share the same hair and face. “Oh... my... dog. Am I a fictional character?! Is this a character intervention with the narrator?! Whatever happened, I promise, I didn’t do it! Sally encouraged me to eat the worm!” Chase kneels before Jack, cowering and whimpering.

Jack chuckles nervously. “Relax, Chase! Technically, you are a fictional character-” Chase shrieks in alarm.

“But only in another universe. You’re very much a real person in this one,” Schneep concludes, helping Chase up by the arm. Chase shakes the doctor off and Schneep tries his best to hide his hurt.

“To put it simply, some of the videos on my channel don’t exist in this universe. This is because they’re about you… egos,” Jack recites. “You’re the most recent ego, however, your video and beginnings are a bit different because I already had some course material to go off of.”

Jack clicks play on the video. Chase sits down and gasps as Jack-as-Chase flies around the office, performing trickshots and screaming like a toddler who drank too much apple juice. Is… is this him?! The accuracy! Holy shit! They even got his bloopers right! Creepy!!! Is he being stalked?!

Schneep watches from afar, fidgeting with his lab coat. Chase hasn’t moved once since the video started. He doesn’t look angry… but at the same time, he doesn’t seem to be enjoying his Power Hour. Truth be told, it’s not like the Doctor particularly likes his Power Hour either. Jack didn’t have to go and mention his cheating wife… or the fact that Peter did die at one point… Nonetheless, Chase is just sitting there, with wide eyes.

Jack, on the other hand, is already regretting what he did. Perhaps he emphasized too much on the “Not-As-Professional-Or-Successful” part. Maybe he made Chase too goofy or not as three-dimensional as he could have. The Youtuber catches a glimpse of the screen. Oh no. It’s the part with-

“Stacy, please, I know, I’m trying to get all the shots, look, just please don’t take the kids!” Jack-as-Chase pleads. Schneep and Jack-in-the-flesh turn white as a ghost. Chase frowns.

“This one’s called, ‘I’m Staying At My Sister’s This Weekend’!” Jack-as-Chase announces. It flashes back to him on the phone. “Well, I don’t care what your sister says! Just please! At least let me see them on the weekend still!”

Jack scratched his neck nervously and teethed on his knuckles, face beet red. Chase looks horrified. Schneep looks just as worried. Marvin and Jackie awkwardly stand up to leave.

Chase pauses the video just as Jack-as-Chase sobs. He takes a deep breath and turns to face his “creator”. “So… are you the reason my wife and I are getting a divorce?”

Jack gapes, taken aback by Chase’s accusation. He doesn’t want to throw Schneep under the bus, but at the same time, Chase wasn’t exactly “created” like the others-

“Not exactly!” Schneep interferes. “It… it was my idea. I thought if I got Jack to make a tribute video in honour of you, it would help you!”

“Help me?!” Chase laughs, a harsh and cold sound compared to his whoops and chuckles in his videos. “How?! By running my wife’s name through the dirt?!” Jack flinches.

“Fair enough,” Schneep says with a groan. “I should have been more specific when I said divorce and kids.”

“You told-?!”

“I thought if you knew you had a big name on your side you’d feel better! It was supposed to be a little treat!” Schneep counters.

“Oh, what am I, a little pity party to you?” Chase snaps. “My divorce was private information, Schneep.  Why else did you think I wanted to talk to you alone?! Now the whole world knows and Stacy’s going to be treated horribly because of you shits-”

“Not the whole world!” Schneep exclaims. “Just… all… of Jack’s world.”

“Shut up,” Chase hisses. “I don’t care that there’s more than one universe. So be it. What I care about is the fact that you betrayed my trust and now people are going to treat Stacy like she was a freaking bitch. This may come as a surprise to both you and Jack, but not all women are cheating whores like Lisette, asshole!”

SMACK. Chase cries out. The egos and Jack huddle together. Schneep’s breathing slows as he registers the sting in his hand and Chase rubbing his red cheek.

Schneep takes a deep breath, and in chilling, low, icy words, he snarls, “Don’t ever say her name again.”

Chase recovers from the slap and storms over to the door. “Whatever. You know what?! Stay away from me and whatever’s left of my family. I don’t care if I’m a part of your ‘creator’s’ story or whatever, I JUST WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE.” Chase grabs his coat and slams the door shut with a loud BANG. Schneep remains at the dining room, breathing unsteadily, vision somewhat blurry.

“Doctor? Are you alright?” Jackie whispers, reaching a hand out.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Schneep runs upstairs to his room and slams the door. Muffled sobs soon echo down the hallway.

Jack’s heart breaks in two. He really thought this video was a good idea. Somehow, all it brought was pain. He sighs defeatedly and slumps down at the table. Marvin closes the laptop.

“Shit… that was awful…”

“And it was supposed to be Chase’s birthday present!” Jack moans. “Ahhhhh, I feel like an asshole… I shouldn’t have been so mean…”

“It’s not your fault…” Jackie soothes. “You made an assumption and played it with satire. Schneep shares some of the blame as well. He should have kept that part quiet.”

“And I should have kept that out of the video…” Jack sighs. “Now Chase feels even worse about the divorce and he wants nothing to do with us…”

Jackie and Marvin sit down beside Jack and rub his back. Jack sighs again and rests his head on the table.

Upstairs, Schneep screams into his pillow, tears finally flowing. He hates himself and Chase and everything that’s happened. That’s what he gets for helping a friend. Ungrateful bastard-

No. Schneep should have known better! That was private information, he had no right poking his nose in and telling everyone. Well, it was just one person, but still! Now Chase never wants to speak to him again and he’s lost the only friend he’s had in a while and everything sucks and he just wants to curl up and die. Schneep pulls his hair and screams again. He can’t sleep, but at the same time, he can’t do anything else. So he remains in bed, crying and thinking. Eventually, long into the night, he falls asleep, cheeks wet and eyes sore.

Schneep wakes up feeling like absolute shit. His cheeks are somewhat sticky and damp. He must have been crying in his sleep. His stomach feels awful. But it’s a work day, so he gets out of bed.

Schneep stumbles into his ensuite bathroom and splashes cold water on his face. He shudders when he sees his reflection. Grey skin, messy hair, red eyes. He doesn’t smell so good either. Sighing sadly, Schneep throws off his clothes and turns on the shower faucet.

When he hops out of the shower, he puts on his scrubs and grabs his spare labcoat. He trudges downstairs, where Marvin is waiting with fluffy chocolate-chip pancakes on the table.

“Morning, doc,” Marvin greets cheerfully. His smile fades when he sees Schneep’s ashen face. “Everything alright?”

“I’m fine,” Schneep replies hoarsely.

“I made you some coffee,” Marvin continues. “I know you like it.”

Schneep grunts softly and pours himself a large cup. As he drinks he heads to the hook of keys by the front door, only to find-

“Where are my keys?” Schneep asks, staring at the space where his car keys used to hang.

“I saw Sirius knock them off earlier,” Marvin replies, flipping through the nearest magazine. “I tried to catch her, but she’s so fast.”

“Where is she right now?” Schneep inquires, trying to sound as calm as possible.

“Beats me. I can’t control her,” Marvin says calmly.

Schneep growls and pounds on the table. Marvin jumps slightly, but quickly recovers and goes back to his reading.

“This isn’t funny, Marvin.  I need to get to work!” Schneep snaps. “I’m already falling behind schedule.”

Marvin snorts, looking up from the magazine. “You think you’re fit to go to work? Your face is bright pink, you’ve got large shadows under your eyes and I heard you crying for who knows how many hours last night.”

“I have allergies! They were just acting up!” Schneep snaps.

“Oh, really? Allergies? That’s rich coming from the man who claims to have ‘the strongest immune system in the world’!” Marvin scoffs.

“Even the strongest immune systems have off days, okay?!”

“That doesn’t even make any sense! Henrik, are you even hearing yourself?!”

Schneep fights back more tears. “Marvin, please, tell me where the keys are! I can’t be late for work!”

“And you won’t be! I called the hospital and asked them to give you a day off!” Marvin says.

Schneep almost drops his mug. “You… you did what?!”

“I told them it was a family emergency,” Marvin admits. “And that we didn’t know how long it would be. They understood, told me to tell you to take as many days off as you need.”

“Which is none,” Schneep scowls. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes, I am!”

“Henrik, you said you didn’t want Chase to go through his divorce alone and friendless, like you. You’re going through a tough time right now.  The last thing you need is to be alone.”

Schneep gapes at the magician, tears threatening to fall. Marvin stares back, heart thumping loudly. He prays he didn’t say the wrong thing. He hopes this works.

Maybe it’s because he didn't get enough sleep, or maybe it’s because he’s never had anyone be so concerned for his well-being that they screwed up his schedule, but Henrik finally lets his anguish go, and collapses, bawling like a little baby. Marvin gets down from his seat and wraps his arms around the doctor, soothing him and singing softly.

Jackie finally emerges from the bathroom, and joins the cuddle pile in the kitchen. As Henrik finally slumps completely into Marvin’s arms, he and the superhero high-five and move the sleeping doctor into the living room for a day of Netflix and cuddles.

Five days pass. Henrik sits at his desk, tapping his pen. In front of him is the start of a letter, with only the words “Dear Chase,” written on it.  He needs to apologize to Chase, but just doing it by text seems insensitive. So written letter it is! Now… where to start…

Dear Chase,

I’m sorry. What I did was wrong and there’s no way to excuse my behaviour. I really believed I was doing the right thing by telling Jack, but I should have known better than to air dirty laundry.

The doctor shakes his head and crumples up the page. He can do better than that. Now to start over-

His phone begins playing the familiar sound of a monitor beeping. He really needs to change his ringtone.  It’s too painful to hear after all the dead patients that came with it.

Henrik freezes when he notices the name. Chase. Why is he calling? Heart thumping and hands shaking, Henrik picks up the phone.

“Hello? Chase?”

“H-hi, d-doc…” Chase answers in a raspy whisper. The sound of sniffling is not lost on Henrik.

“Chase? Are you okay?”

“Not really…” Another sniffle. “But I will be… soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry for all the shit I said… It was wrong of me to bring up your own divorce… I-I shouldn’t have been so harsh…”

“No, Chase, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have brought up your divorce in the first place! I thought I was doing good by telling Jack, but he clearly misinterpreted it. I shouldn’t have mentioned it…”

“It’s alright… you were just trying to make me feel bet-better… I just overreacted… I overreact to eve-everything… I’m such a bay-baby.” Chase sounds like he’s holding back tears.

“No you’re not. You had every right to be mad… I’m sorry for slapping you. How’s your cheek?”

Schneep hears Chase chuckle softly. “It’s fine… It doesn’t hurt as much as other injuries…” The laugh turns into a sob.

“Other injuries?! What do you mean?!” Henrik demands. “Chase, you’re worrying me!”

“I’m sorry… I can’t seem to do anything right… All I do is upset people…” Chase is outright crying now.

“Chase, please tell me where you are,” Henrik pleads, getting up. “I need to make sure you’re okay!”

“No… I don’t think you’ll want to see this…” Chase mumbles. He takes a deep but shuddery breath. “I have to go. Goodbye, Henrik.”

“Chase?! CHASE?!” Henrik screams. The phone line goes dead. Henrik yelps and quickly rushes into his contacts. He finds Stacy’s name and calls her.

She answers on the first ring. “Henrik? It’s been so long! How are you?”

“Where is Chase right now?”

“What?”

“Where is he living?”

“What’s going on? What did he say to you? Is he okay?”

“Call 999. I don’t believe so.”

Henrik hangs up and dashes out of his office, up the stairs and to the front door, where he grabs his keys and coat. Marvin and Jackie sit at the kitchen island, both on their phones.

“Henrik? What’s going on?”

“I have to go to the hospital. I’ll be back,” Henrik answers curtly. He throws on his coat and leaves.

Henrik runs into the hospital and quickly signs himself in. A nurse comes by and squeaks in surprise when she sees him.

“Dr. Schneeplestein? What are you doing here? Isn’t today your day off?”

“Time is broken, Cass,” Dr. Schneeplestein replies. He dashes off to the emergency room. Cass quickens her pace, trying her best to catch up to him.

“Have there been any emergencies yet?” Schneep demands.

“I think an ambulance is arriving soon-” Cass begins.

“Who’s the patient?” Schneep asks.

“A man attempted suicide-” Cass starts.

“I’ll treat him,” Schneep announces.

The doors open and medics rush in, driving a man on a gurney. Schneep pales when he sees red. The good doctor swallows his fear and tears. Now is not the time to be a baby. He’s not called the good doctor for nothing. Time to save Chase’s life.

Hours later, five nurses come in to find Dr. Schneeplestein exhaustedly sobbing against the wall, shoulders convulsing as he cries into his hands. On the gurney lies a man with yellow hair poking out of a large bandage wrapped around his head. The monitor beeps rhythmically, and the man’s chest rises and falls slowly. So why is the doctor crying?

Three nurses wheel Chase out while the other two bend down next to Schneep. One nurse, Kate, tentatively places a hand on his shoulder. He jumps in shock.

“Schneeplestein? Are you alright?” Kate asks.

Schneep smiles shakily. “He’ll live…” He shivers and whimpers. “Oh god… so much could have happened… So much could have gone wrong… I thought I lost him a few times...” the doctor breaks off with another sob.

“Why don’t you head home? Today is your day off,” Kate suggests.

“In a little while… I need to speak to the patient first…” Schneep replies in a raspy voice. Kate nods. She and the other nurse, Matt, help the doctor up. His legs wobble and almost give out. Schneep takes a deep breath and slowly  makes his way out of the operating room and into his office.

An hour later,  Henrik reappears, wearing his comfy labcoat and drinking some tea, a rarity considering how much the doctor prefers coffee. But he needs to relax, and so Matt whipped up a nice cup of tea.

Henrik pulls up a chair and sets his cup down. He looks down at the sleeping man, face as white as the bandage wrapped around his head. Chase has never looked more fragile and vulnerable. His cheeks are sunken and there are large bags under his eyes.

Henrik rubs his face. Truthfully, he’s just as tired. He looks up at the clock. 1:11 am. God, he was in the operating room for quite a while. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be as stressed as he was today. He leans back and closes his eyes. Maybe he can get a quick nap before-

“Dr. Schneeplestein?” He opens his eyes and looks up. His stomach flips when he notices a woman with red hair that falls in waves down her shoulders.  Her soft brown eyes are full of compassion and worry. Stacy Brody. Or Stacy Matthews, to be more precise.

“Stacy…” Henrik mumbles. “What… I mean, I’m sorry. I understand this must be a lot for you.”

“I can’t believe it… I mean, I knew about his depression, I just didn’t think it would get this bad,” Stacy says, voice soft and sad.

Henrik nods. “Yes. One can’t help but wonder what the breaking point was.”

“It’s because of me, isn’t it?” Stacy whispers hoarsely, staring down at her ex-husband’s skinny frame. “I did cheat on him. I told him I wanted a divorce after he found out… I wonder what would have happened if I told him straight up about Delilah… I wonder how he would have reacted…”

Henrik is speechless. He can’t really say it isn’t her fault, but at the same time, it wasn’t as if she could straight up tell him. There really was no way of telling how he would have reacted. Henrik groans and rubs his eyes again. He can’t think straight.

His mind flickers back to the video, and his stomach sinks. Did that video… influence his decision? Should he tell her about it? Would she be mad? He takes a deep breath.

“I mentioned your divorce to another friend,” he finally says. “Said friend made a video that I think mocked Chase more than flattered him. I thought it would help… but it didn’t. Only made him even more upset.”

“A video? Was this the video that ‘Jack’ made?” Stacy asks. Henrik opens his eyes, horrified. How long has she known?! Oh god, she must despise him! Henrik whirls around to face her, face riddled with guilt.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t think he’d take it in that direction- It was a shitty idea, I was so invasive and it was absolutely despicable of me and-”

“Hey, calm down, it’s okay! It was an honest mistake!” Stacy responds calmly. “Chase told me about it. He felt awful and he was so pissed with you guys. I will admit I was a bit peeved at first, but Chase said he yelled at you and broke off his friendship with you, so I figured it was punishment enough.”

“He also brought up my wife,” Henrik says. “So I punched him.”

Stacy nods. “Ah, that’s where the bruise came from.”

Henrik cringes. Damn, did he actually hit Chase that hard? He really is a dick. He sighs and stands up. “You are more than welcome to punch me. I deserve it. I never should have brought up the divorce. It was hateful of me, really.”

Stacy shakes her head. “Oh no, I couldn’t! You saved Chase from the brink of death. It’d be so insensitive of me!”

“I insist.” Henrik holds his head up. Stacy reluctantly stands up, and raises an open palm.

“I’m sorry,” she squeaks.

“It’s fine, I can handle it,” Henrik says.

Stacy takes a deep breath… and punches him. Henrik falls back into the chair from the force. Stacy cringes.

“You… have a very strong punch,” Henrik remarks, holding his throbbing cheek. He holds a finger up when he sees her mouth move. “Don’t apologize. You were right to do so.”

“I took karate as a kid,” Stacy boasts. “I won a black belt at age five.”

“Good for you! To be honest, it wasn’t nearly as hard as my wife’s,” Henrik admits.

“Well, at least I got my ‘revenge’- wait, what?!” Stacy does a double take. “Lisette used to punch you?!”

“She only did it once,” Henrik quickly adds. “After I called her a whore.”

“Oh. That explains a lot,” Stacy deadpans.

“I deserved that as well,” Henrik says. “I just wish she hadn’t moved so far away… I wonder how the girls are doing...”

“Have your children contacted you?” Stacy lightly presses.

“I’ve tried to contact them,” Henrik says. “I don’t think Lisette lets them write or call me.”

“Then Lisette really is an ass,” Stacy explodes. “What if they do want to talk to you? She can’t hide them from you just because she doesn’t like you.”

“That doesn’t seem to stop her. I keep my phone nearby in case Sophia calls when her mother isn’t around.” Henrik pats his pocket. “Or maybe Rick will let her. He’s quite nice and he’s good with kids, which is why I was quite surprised when he turned out to be-”

“A homewrecker?” Stacy suggests. Henrik glares at her, scandalized, but she can tell he’s trying to suppress a smile.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, snickering.

“I was gonna say an ass, but that’s better,” he says. Stacy bursts out laughing, but it quickly fades when she notices Chase. She clears her throat.

“I’m going to take the kids away for a while,” she reveals. “At least until he’s emotionally stable to look after the kids.”

“You know Chase would never let his depression get in the way of being a good father,” Henrik protests.

“I know. I just feel he needs a break from it all,” Stacy says. “Mostly family life, me and Delilah in particular. Maybe she and I could go to my cottage in Scotland. We can stay there until he feels ready to share custody once more. He can’t be alone, though. We know what will happen if he does. He can’t go back home either. We still need to wash out the blood and dispose of any guns he might have. Of course I mean the real guns, but he might not want his Nerf toys either. He needs to be with someone , and that can’t be me. I just don’t know anyone he could stay with who lives in Athlone. We only just moved here.”

Henrik lights up. Holy shit. It’s like destiny! This is the perfect opportunity! “He can move in with us. He’s already an ego. He’d love it there. Sure it’s a bit chaotic, but I think he’d love it!”

Stacy raises an eyebrow. “What sort of chaotic?” she questions.

“The local superhero likes to crash there, we have a magician who INSISTS on using us for test subjects for his latest tricks, and me, the ‘feral doctor’,” Henrik lists off. “Come to think of it, I’m actually the voice of reason.”

Stacy tries her best to hide a shudder. “I feel a little worried about his safety. And no offense, but it’s a bit concerning that you’re the voice of reason in that house.”

Henrik scoffs in mock insult and shoves her gently. “Oh screw you! To be honest, Jackie is actually the smart one. I’m the one who pays the taxes and keeps a roof over their head. They’re the ones who overstayed their visit.”

Stacy rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. She looks more relaxed than when she walked in. She stands up.

“I think it’s time I left. Good luck, Chase. I wish you all the best with your recovery.” Stacy leans over and gently kisses Chase’s cheek before turning to Henrik and holding her hand out. Henrik returns it and gives it a small squeeze, only to be pulled in for a hug. He gasps in surprise.

“Thank you Henrik,” she whispers. Henrik nods and returns the hug, holding her tightly until she signals to let go. Stacy picks up her bag and leaves.

Henrik sits back down and takes out his cellphone to call the egos. Jackie picks up after the first ring.

“Henrik? Are you okay?”

“I want you to clean the house and make some hot chocolate. We’ve got a new roommate coming to stay with us!” Henrik announces.

“Is it Chase? Is that who we’re taking in?” Jackie asks.

“Yes. I want everything to be perfect, so go! Get cleaning!” the doctor commands.

“Need us to pick you up?” Marvin suggests.

“I can drive just fine! See you soon!” Henrik hangs up just as Chase begins to stir. The doctor watches him apprehensively. He hasn’t seen Chase since the argument. How will he react?

Chase groggily opens his eyes. He can see a bright light shining down on him and closes his eyes. “Where… where am I?”

He slowly attempts to sit up. A soft pair of hands gently help him sit up and rub his back. 

Chase blinks, trying to clear his vision. The blurry blue shape slowly comes into view… Henrik! The good doctor sits beside him with an anxious expression on his face.

Chase wracks his memory to try to remember what had happened. He can feel a heavy fabric wrapped around his head. He lifts a hand to better investigate… oh.

Henrik’s heart breaks when he sees Chase drop his hand, expression forlorn. Here we go, he thinks.

“Chase?” Chase looks up. “Before you say anything, know that you have every right to be mad at me and Jack. What we did was despicable and absolutely awful. You don’t have to forgive us, and I completely understand if you never do. But you can’t be alone right now. You’re going through a really tough time, and the last thing you need to be is alone. I don’t know if you’ll accept it, but we have an extra room at home that would be a perfect spot for you to stay while you recover. I know you might not want to talk to me, but Jackie and Marvin are living with me, and they will ensure your time there will be as comfortable as possible. It’s fine if you don’t want to go, but just know that we will always be there when you need a place to stay.”

Chase is silent, simply gazing at Henrik with unshed tears. Finally, he throws his arms around Henrik’s neck. Henrik startles, but returns the hug.

“Is that a yes?” Henrik mumbles. Chase nods. Henrik sighs in relief and squeezes Chase tighter. Now all he has to do is hope Jackie and Marvin have the house ready by the time he returns.

Henrik parks the car in the driveway and turns to Chase. The vlogger fidgets with his t-shirt. Henrik puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Just warning you now, while Jackie and Marvin have good hearts and intentions, they can be little shits and there’s a good chance the house will still be a mess when we get back in. Good luck.”

Chase whimpers in fear. Henrik nods solemnly. “My thoughts exactly.”

The fathers unload the car and walk up to the front steps. Henrik takes a deep breath and opens the door.

“FIFTEEN FUCKING POINTS! I WIN AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER!” Jackie screeches. Marvin roars in anger and tosses a pillow at Jackie, who backhands it. The pillow soars across the house and slams into Henrik, who grunts in alarm and falls backward. Chase shrieks in alarm, gaping at his fallen friend.

Marvin and Jackie turn around, bright blue eyes glaring into Chase. Marvin’s eye twitches sporadically and Jackie smiles like a madman. Chase nervously waves. Marvin clears his throat and forces a sleep-deprived smile.

“Howdy, Chase!”

[avengerscompound]

Catch and Release - 12

Catch and Release: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  2009

Rating:  E

Square filled:@star-spangled-bingo​ - Free Space

Warnings:  Light angst, talk of sex

Synopsis: When you overexert yourself on a mission with Steve and Bucky, the boys admit to having fantasies that involve you.  Fantasies that you share.  But with one Super Soldier needs intimacy and the other is still dealing with being touch starved, exploring those desires without anyone catching feelings is a little tricky.

Chapter 12: If You Love Them

The little arrangement you had with Bucky and Steve slowed a little.  It didn’t end - not completely - but it felt like you’d explored what you could with each other and there wasn’t really much point asking them to keep doing it anymore.  Not that you didn’t like it.  But they had their relationship and it didn’t include you.  Not like that.  It was nice to know they were there for you when you needed it in all things, and you liked being there for them too.  It was time to call this what it was though.  A fling.  Nothing more.

Work was mostly filling your time at the moment anyway.  With all the new changes you were moving quickly up the ranks which meant more missions out and way more paperwork. It was usually after a mission that you’d end up in bed with the super soldiers.  They were safe and gentle and there was nothing like an endorphin rush to help you relax and sleep.

Steve called you into his office one day after morning training.  That had become more frequent too, as he handed you off missions with your own teams.  Prior to all the changes, you'd always been an underling who was just assembled by your Avenger team leader.

“You wanted to see me, Cap?”  You asked poking your head into Steve’s office;

He was sitting at his desk going through a file and he looked up at you, his face serious and set.  “Take a seat.”

You sat down and looked at him, trying to read anything on his features.  He didn’t usually go full Cap on you.  There was always a little bit of Steve’s playfulness there.  You only got full Cap when you were in trouble or he was worried about you doing something dangerous.  

You weren’t in any imminent danger, so you started to wrack your brain for what you’d done to earn a lecture from Cap.

“You know about the West Coast Avengers Initiative?”  He asked.

“Yeah, of course.  Everyone knows about it,” you said, not sure what this had to do with you.

“I’ve appointed Clint as the head of the team,” Steve explained.

“Clint?  Really?”  You asked.

“I have faith he can handle it,” Steve said, seriously.  “He's put together the team he wants, but they're all very young and haven't got a lot of field experience.  I told him it was approved pending him selecting a more experienced second in command.  He's chosen you.”

Your mouth dropped open and you blinked at him.  “He what?”

“Obviously it means relocating to Los Angeles.  The relocation costs would be covered.  You would, of course, have a pay rise to match your higher rank and much more responsibility.  You’d need to train with Hill for a few weeks before you leave,” Steve explained.

You weren’t sure what to say and you just stared at Steve in shock.  “Clint asked for me?  Not Nat?”

“He did.  I couldn’t say why, I’m afraid,” Steve answered.

“What do you think?”  You asked.

“I think it’s a really good opportunity and that you would fit the role perfectly,” Steve said.

“Right,” you said.

“You can think about it if you need to,” Steve said.  “I know it’s a big decision.”

“But you think I should do it?”  You asked.  All you could think was he was trying to get rid of you.  That this wasn’t Clint’s idea at all.  That the sex thing had crossed some line and now he didn’t want it but being around you was too awkward and he was packing you off as a way to deal with it.

Steve softened a little and ran his hand through the back of his hair.  “I think that I can't make this decision for you because I might be a little biased.”

“Steve,” you said, quietly  “I need to talk to my friends about this.”

He leaned over the desk and put his hand on yours.  “Do you want to have dinner with us?”

You nodded.

Steve stroked the back of your hand with his thumb.  “Come by whenever you want,” he said.  “And try and remember, this job - it’s not a bad thing.  You deserve it.”

You nodded a little, looking down at his hand.  “I think that’s part of the problem.”

You didn’t go straight to Bucky and Steve’s apartment immediately after work, but it was close.  You went and showered first because you were acutely aware that Steve always worked late so going any earlier would have just left you standing at the door like a lost puppy.

When Steve answered the door he pulled you into a hug without a word and it took all your self-control not to burst into tears.

“Come on, let’s get you inside,” Steve said, gently as he supported your weight.

“Why do you look so miserable?”  Bucky teased as you came in.  He was already pouring you a glass of wine and you took it as soon as you reached him.  “You got offered an amazing promotion today.”

“Yeah and it means following Clint to LA of all places with a bunch of kids,” you complained.  “And my life is here, and my friends, and my family, and…”

“Us?”  Steve finished.

You lowered your eyes and nodded.

“Come on, let’s go take a seat,” Steve said.

The three of you moved to the couch and you drained half your glass of wine in one go.  They flanked you on both sides and for the first time ever, you felt really small.  And stupid if you were honest with yourself.  You had told yourself, again and again, you couldn’t catch feelings for them, and you were so confident that you’d avoided it, and yet here you were worrying about not seeing either of them every day.

“You know we do love you, right?”  Steve said.

“I know.  I know.  I’m a huge idiot,” you whined, rubbing your temples with the balls of your hand.

“No, you aren’t,” Bucky said, gently.

“I thought I had this.  I was going on dates.  I could see what you two have; it’s special and it’s not mine.  I was fine with that.  I’m fine when we go weeks without doing anything. But the thought of letting it go forever.  To not just have you be there every day and the possibility that tonight we might do something together -” you put your hand on your heart and took a deep breath.  “It hurts.  And I feel frozen because I can’t just not live my life but now I can’t let it go either.”

“Oh, darlin’,” Bucky soothed, putting his arm around you.  “That’s just normal shit.  Clint’s annoying as hell, but I think of him leaving and it makes me a little sad.”

It made you laugh a little.  Not much but a little and Bucky put his arm around you and gave you a small squeeze.

“What we have... it's special,” Steve said, rubbing your thigh. “It's more than just friendship now.  I won't say it's deeper than friendship, but it is different.  But it's not romantic love.  Bucky and I have that.  And it feels different.”

“So you're saying I should take it?”  You asked.

Steve shook his head. “That's not what I'm saying.  I’m just saying… You need to decide what's best for you.”

“If it were up to us, we'd never change what we had.  It's really exciting getting to have threesomes like this,” Bucky said. “And thinking up new things to try out.”

“But that's selfish,” Steve added seriously.  “We can't just expect you to put your life on hold indefinitely for interesting sex.”

“Besides, Nat would kill us.  She made it very clear we weren't allowed to hurt you,” Bucky said and dragged his finger over his throat.  “Or else.”

You looked up at him and smiled.  It was nice to know you weren't the only one that got the shovel talk from Natasha.  “She did?”

“She sure did.  We weren't to lead you on and make you think this was something other than just some fun unless we were sure that was something we wanted,” Steve said.  “Weirdly that wasn't even something we’d considered as possible until she said it. Polyamory was a thing when we were young, but I'd never heard of it.”

“Did you really consider that?  Us three… You know?”  You asked.

“We talked about it,” Bucky said.

“Mostly how we felt about you.  And if we thought we could live like that,” Steve explained.  “We agreed that if either of us felt that our feelings ever developed into romantic love for you we’d be open to it at least talk to each other about it.”

“But they never did?” You said.  It was half-question/half-statement.  You already knew the answer.

“No.  They never did.  Our feelings for you grew because we became closer, but … Maybe we're just monogamous people?  I don't know,” Steve answered, rubbing your back.

“Did we…” Bucky let out a breath and his eyes met yours.  “Did we lead you on?”

You shook your head. “No.  I love you both too.  And I don't know, maybe if you'd come to me and said you wanted us to try polyamory I would have because of that.  The biggest part of being in love is that kind of closeness.  But I think I would have partially just agreed because you both feel safe to me.  I know you aren't bad people.  I know you wouldn't deliberately hurt me.  But if I'd allowed myself to actually fall in love with you, I also think that the way you look at each other and not at me, that would have hurt eventually,” you sunk back into the couch and looked at the ceiling.  “I thought you must have suggested me to Clint or something.  You know, to get rid of me because you didn't know any other way to end this thing.”

“Oh, you dumbass,” Bucky teased.

“We haven't slept together for weeks,” Steve chuckled.  “If we wanted it to end, we just wouldn't have brought it up again.  And if you did, we'd have had a gentle talk about ‘all good things’.”

You groaned and rubbed your eyes.  “I don't know what to do.  I should take it, shouldn't I?  I'd be crazy not to take it.”

“What would you tell one of the others to do?  Say the offer was made to Williams?”  Steve said.

“I'd tell him he'd be stupid not to take it,” you said, quickly.

Steve rubbed your thigh.  “Then I think you might have your answer.”

You sat up and huffed.  “I’ve gotta take it.  If I stay here there’s always gonna be all the actual Avengers ahead of me for a position Hill will never give up.”

Steve nodded.  “And I know you can do it.”

You frowned and looked at them.  “I’m gonna miss you two so much.”

Bucky cuddled you close to him and Steve took your hands and kissed the backs of your knuckles.  “We’ll miss you too,” Steve said.  “But it’s not like we won’t see each other ever again.  Plus, in your new role, I’ll be on the phone with you all the time.  You’ll be sick of me.”

“Besides,” Bucky teased.  “We’ll definitely have to give you a special seeing off.  And that won’t be for weeks.”

You hummed and leaned back caressing his jaw.  “That would give me just enough time to prep,” you said.

Steve looked at you with his head tilted.  “For what?”

“For one of you to fuck my ass,” you smirked.

Steve choked and Bucky started laughing.  “Was that on the list?”

“It is now,” you giggled.

“Well, then,” Bucky said, giving your thigh a smack.  “Guess we have some after-dinner plans tonight.”

“That sounds like a plan to me,” Steve agreed.

The three of you got up and went into the kitchen.  You really did love Bucky and Steve, and the time had come to let them go.

// NEXT