#he’d have no idea who bryson tiller is but we move

[martiniluvr]

bruce wayne wake up they wrote a song about you pookie

[hearts4chriss]

Watch ur mouth.

toxic!chris x fwb!blackfem

prompt: your out at a party with Chris ( wearing top left corner ) and you start to piss him off, flirting with guys, ur tits nearly being exposed already had pissed him off and on top of that ur attitude he apparently didn’t like, so he fixes it for you

ok so this wasn’t requested but she asked for the part where you flirt with a guy so - @buckys-cumdumpster 💋 semi requested

Contains: sub!reader!, rough!dom!chris!, face fucking ( hip thrusting ), car sex, stomach bulge, missionary, overstimulation, creampie, HEAVY degrading, pet names, hair pulling, dacryphilia, cum eating, unprotected sex ( don’t do this !! ), dumification!kink, mentions of safeword ( not actually used ), dirty talk,

lord.

Chris and I had been talking for a bit and he always manages to do some shit to piss me off and yet here I am. Going to a party with him after he just got on my nerves.

Nonetheless, this meant id have “a bad attitude” Chris calls it which already annoyed me so I decided I was gonna fuck with him.

I wore his favourite outfit on me the pants hugged my curves making ass pop out and them being low rise showing my dermal piercings and the fitted jacket made my tits look good as I didn’t zip it up all the way and this outfit would always result in something sexual, fingering or his cock buried inside me butttt I wanted to push his limits too see how far he’d go.

I finished my makeup and spraying water and putting curling products on my hair only zipping up my jacket too my lower boob allowing my tits to sit perfectly guaranteed too drive Chris crazy .

I grabbed my lip gloss and heard chris honking outside and I stepped out and hopped into his car.

Chris's eyes immediately shifted to my exposed chest and shifted his facial expression.

What did I tell you about this outfit? Chris sighed deeply gripping the steering wheel tightly and I smirked too myself already getting a rise out of him

Im wearing it like what is ur problem? I snap back running my fingers in my hair as it curved at my ass guaranteed to drive him insane.

I watch his jaw clench as we ride in silence before pulling up too this party he dragged me too.

I got out the car walking into the party disappearing in the crowd of people leaving Chris with his own thoughts.

The party had been going on for just about an hour and I had been lost in the music and alcohol. Nonetheless I wasn’t drunk but something tells me Chris was not going to be happy.

Playin games by summer walker & Bryson tiller played and immediately I rush too go dance, slowly moving my hips to the song.

this lasted before a guy, who was fairly attractive comes behind me moving my hips with his as I leaned back resting my head on his shoulder.

I look around the room and my eyes lock with Chris’s, he looks like he could explode any second, gripping tightly on his beer.

Chris’s pov

Is she fucking kidding me? I mean come on I’m way better looking than he is and he’s not even doing it right.

I know she’s only doing this to piss me off because of our little argument earlier. But fuck she looks so good

And she knows that my favourite outfit on her, the way it rests on her lower waist allowing her dermal piercings to show and how the pants hugged her curves outlining her ass just how I like. And then the fitted jacket to match- the way her tits rested from how she zipped it I wanted to bury my head in between them and inside of her

I watched how she moved her ass on his crotch and my blood boiled, knowing that’s supposed to be me, she’s mine, only I can touch her and fuck her as good as I do, hence why she’s never left.

Then she locked eyes with me and continued doing what she pleased? This women.

She shouldn’t have done that because she has no idea what I’ll do to her, god it just turned me on thinking of everything I was about to do to her. One thing I knew for sure.

I was gonna tear that ass up.

me clueless I didn’t really pay attention to Chris, I was consumed by alcohol and the sensual loud music filling my ears and shooting through my body.

Until I felt familiar hand, grip my arm.

“Let’s go”. Chris’s voice lingers on my neck pulling me away from the guy who quickly scoffed moving onto to another girl. What an ass

“Chris Chris ur pulling my arm!” I wince as he drags me out the party due to nobody paying attention and to the car pinning me on it with my stomach on the hood.

“You think that shits funny?” He says in almost a mocking tone before leaving a harsh smack too my clothed ass and I let out a yelp.

“Answer me I’m not playing with you.” Chris spoke lowly before repeating that same action.

“Chris okay okay! I’m sorry! I whimper and he chuckles standing me up.

"better, now get in the backseat". He demands and I follow and he climbs in shutting the door.

"I’m sick of ur attitude, you need to learn how to watch ur mouth". He grips my throat and I gag and nod.

"gonna put it to good use". A chuckle falls from his lips as he man spreads unbuckling his belt and I position myself between his legs.

"useless come help me yeah?" Chris rolls his eyes playfully and I sit up my nails clicking with his belt and pulling his pants down with his boxers allowing his hard and thick cock to spring out and hit his stomach.

The tip was a deep pink just oozing with pre cum.

"gonna suck this dick so good yeah?" He says spreads his pre-cum on my lips and I nod before sitting up.

"Nu uh, were doing my way, ur gonna take my dick the way I want". Chris smirks slightly before pulling my hair making my throat take al of him.

"Fuck- love that pretty mouth on me shit-" he groans matching my movements with his aggressive ones as he yanks my hair quickly and roughly not giving me time in between.

The slurping sounds of my mouth and his cock were almost pornographic as tears in my eyes already producing, Chris's moans shooting right to my core pulsating for him to be buried inside me.

"That's right be a good little slut and take it". Chris rests his head on the plush seats gripping my hair as he bites his lip my doe watery eyes meeting his seductive gaze

His hand gripping my hair forcing me to take all of his cock in my throat as a mixture of my salvia and his pre cum coats my lips and dribbles down my chin.

"Keep those pretty eyes on me, I wanna watch you- " he groaned as I peered at him through my lashes as he began thrusting his hips purposely as his cock hits the back of my throat making me gag.

"Fuck look at that- sound so much better with my dick in ur slutty mouth huh". Chris lets out a breathy laugh tucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched me struggle to take all of him.

Chris would not let up on his hip thrusts making my eyes water more each time as his dick size caused me to hollow my cheeks as he grips my hair tighter so get a quicker orgasm.

"that’s right you wanted to have all this mouth now I’m filling it with my cum-" Chris moans forcing my head all the way down my nose resting on his lower abdomen as his warm load shoots in my throat dribbling down as he lets me up his cum dripping down my mouth.

"Speechless already?" He chuckles wiping his thumb along my bottom lip collecting the excess semen slipping it into my mouth as I sucked it clean.

"Good girl. Now strip." He demanded manspreading as I unzipped my jacket first freeing my tits as I sat up pulling down my leggings revealing my red lace thong, Chris’s favorite

"wearing my favorite pair of panties huh? While grinding on some other guy?" Chris spoke angrily and shakes his head placing me back flat on the car seats.

"You just couldn’t wait to be fucked by me. Isn’t that right sweetheart?" His hand grips my face as he spoke in a coax voice and a whimpered at the sudden grasp.

"yeah you like it when I do this to you? Gripping you up like a whore? Huh?" He squeezed slightly harder and I nodded.

"Yes Chris I love it when you do this to me-" I groan feeling my lips smushed together and he smirked releasing his grip.

He leaned up taking off his jeans and boxers fully and his black hoodie.

He pulls me close gripping my legs pushing them up on his shoulders before slamming into me as I let out a loud moan.

"Shit ma- such a tight fuckin pussy- all for me right?" Chris let out a deep moan as he pushed his hips against the back of my thighs roughly knocking the wind out of my lunges.

"Fuck Chris s-slow down!" I cry out feeling his size burn into my pussy as he didn’t let me adjust the way I wanted, he was pissed.

"oh really? You don’t want this? Maybe I should call the other guy yeah?" He rests his forearm behind my head pressing our bodies together my legs in the air.

"fuck fuck no! I-I only want you!" I whimper as my eyes met his dark lustful blues his jaw clenched at the sight of me.

"good girl, sound so much better on my cock." His breath was on my neck before he positioned my legs back on his shoulders gripping my waist tightly snapping his hips with the back of my thighs abusing my cunt

At the pace he was going I couldn’t even think straight, the way his dick perfectly filled me up and his deep groans filled my ears.

"Oh fuck- Chris ur so fucking deep-" my moan and whimper fuelled his ego more as I was going to be fucked speechless already feeling my vocals fade.

"Look at that- such a fucking whore". Chris muttered gripping my neck allowing his hips to thrust harder as I was now unable to even utter words.

"shit- already? Where’s that attitude gone baby-" Chris gave me fake pout, pure anger and lust in his voice whilst he literally was fucking me speechless.

The position we were in allowed the tip of Chris’s cock to brush on my g-spot making me squeal slightly as the sounds of our skin meshing together fills the car.

"look at you, all dumb acting because of my cock so pathetic baby-" his devilish smirk grows as he watches how fucked out I look all because of his dick

"mmhm f-fuck Chris-" I cry out pathetically babbling as I shudder in his grasp, bound to leave bruises.

I noticed him not speaking and that’s when I noticed him looking down at my stomach seeing his dick poke through each thrust.

"yeah? You feel me in ur stomach? probably like this shit don’t you sweetheart". He mocked pressing a hand on my stomach and I moaned out loudly tears forming in my waterline

"you look so pretty when you cry mama". His expression softened for a second before that dominance took over quickly once more

Chris’s pace didn’t let up and my stomach began to tighten and I swore I was seeing stars, everything was a blur but fuck it felt so good.

"ugh- fuck your gonna cum- shouldn’t let ur slutty ass cum after the shit you pulled-" he says under his breath, a hint of his aggression still lingering as he reaches to rub my clit.

"better start begging baby". Chris looks at me and my eyes widen as I could barely even form words together and his request was way out of proportion.

"Fuck! P-please Chris I-i need to cum-" I whimper taking many breaths between my words hearing him scoff and how he damn near fucked me out of my vocabulary.

"That’s a good girl, cum on my dick baby show me how good I make you feel". That raspy voice of his always made me feel so many thoughts, just enough for that knot in my stomach to burst my cum began to drip down his thick cock still thrusting inside of me making me perk up

"C-Chris sensitive!" I squeal pushing his stomach away and he pins my hands above my head pressing his chest on mine being nose to nose.

"You know the safe word baby, better think fast because I’m not stopping". He breathes heavily onto my lips pressing a deep kiss against them as they swell.

"shit ma- your pussy feels so fuckin good- could stay in it all day-" Chris let out a breathy moan continuing to fuck me senseless as tears streamed down my face from overwhelming pleasure.

"oh god- Chris please-" I shudder putting my hand up and he immediately takes it holding him and he grunts feeling his own orgasm creep up along with a second one for me.

"I know baby your doing so fucking good for me- just one more yeah? He presses a kiss to my neck and I nodded as he rammed into me.

"fuck fuck fuck I’m gonna cum again-" I throw my head back and he didn’t prefer that so he gave me a look and my head shit up again as I gripped his hand tighter and he gave me a smirk.

"I’m not slowing down sweetheart- fuck just one more-" he moaned pressing his body on mine as our noses touched moaning into each other's mouths.

The tension was at an all time high, the car smelled like a sex aroma mixed with his cologne and my Dior perfume and his occasional “fuck” and my cries of his name as his cock twitched inside me of me.

"fuck- look at me I wanna see that pretty face when you cum-" Chris plants a deep kiss on my lips as I maintain eye contact with him feeling that knot in my stomach begin to burst.

"Chris I’m- fuck!" I screamed one final cry of his name before my juices coated his cock and lower stomach as his cum painted my walls.

We sat there for a minute catching our breaths before he spoke again

"You drive me insane baby-" he pants resting his head on my shoulder and I let out a breathy chuckle.

"What can I say-" I smile pushing my hair out of my face and he sits up sliding out of my tight hole making me wince.

"Shit you okay?" I didn’t hurt you did I? Chris scans my body carefully taking in the bruises of his fingers on my waist and neck.

"I’m okay- just tired and sore-" I shudder a bit when I meet his gaze, a soft one.

"When we get home I’ll run you a bath and we can watch a movie or some corny shit-" he let out a chuckle but that alone made me so happy.

I’d really like that. I say to myself but out loud I say

That's sweet- thank you Chris-

@mattsleftnipple03 @bernardsleftbootycheek @sturniolopowers@gdsvhtwa @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @worldlxvlys @chrisslut25 @princessbetsy123-blog @mattslolita @guccifrog@blahbel668 @mattsneezing @trickywritters @hearts4chris

@nonamegirlxsturniolo@luvmxtt @theyluv-meee @hoesformatt @luv4kozume @kikisturnioloo @itzdarling @pepsiimaxx @babyddolly @iiheartstef @junnniiieee07 @ast3ro1dzz@sturniolowhore @st7rnioioss @emma4eva@braindead4l @ihearttsyouu @kqyslyho3 @sturnsfav@sunsetsturniolos @sturniololoverr @stqrnstars @dlyansworld @chrisloyalgf @soimightlikeoldmen69 @abbie13sworld @lacysturniolo @sturniol0s @chrissgirlsstuff @luhsexcbihh @nicksmainbitch @rubyjaneaxx @love4chris @gamermattsgf @breeloveschris @meetballmatt @waydasims @vicsguitar

[vixenpen]

Neighbors (Bakugo x Miku x Hawks)

Pt. 13 Inhale/Exhale

The weight of a hand on her knee brought Miku back to reality.

“You alright, kid?“ Hawks asked, softly.

She nodded, gazing unseeingly at the passing buildings as the car shuttled them to her apartment.

“Just thinking.”

“About?”

“About how I let my love for Katsuki shape the last four years of my life. I mean, I built my entire career singing about being an independent woman and a free spirit, yet I spent the last four years behind the scenes being Katsuki’s kept woman. My apartment, my car, hell even my management was filtered through him. Shit, no fucking wonder he constantly tried it with me, I made him feel like the fucking king of my world.”

“That doesn’t make anything he did to you right.” Hawks insisted. Miku shrugged, blinking away the sting in her eyes. “Miku, look at me,” he commanded, nudging her leg. With a sigh, she turned her misty eyes to his own. “If you’re not up to this—“

“No,” she shook her head, “I have to do this sooner rather than later.” She eyed him thoughtfully, quiet for a while. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Angel, I’m not letting you walk into a lion’s den with no support,” a smile settled on his face. “I want to be here.”

Miku let out a sad little chuckle. “I feel like I’m constantly keeping you from doing your real job lately.”

“I’ve been doing my job for over fifteen years, Angel,” Hawks scoffed. “I can afford to take one month to myself.”

“Well,” Miku slumped against his shoulder with a sigh, “you’re definitely my hero right now.”

The blonde smiled, wrapping her up in his wing. “That’s good enough for me.”

The driver pulled them around the back entrance. They rushed through the back door and took the elevator to Miku’s floor.

“I don’t need much,” she told Hawks as she let them into her apartment. “Just a few...”

The couple paused as a familiar pair of crimson eyes landed on them.

When he turned his gaze to Hawks, he scowled, hands crackling with sparks.

“Get out,” Bakugo growled, glare fixed on the man, “now.”

“After you, asshole.” Hawks shot back. His wings flared, and his amber eyes glared right back.

“My name is on the lease, you son of a bitch!” Bakugo took another step forward. Hawks matched him. “The only person that shouldn’t be here is you!”

“Unlike you, Miku actually wants me here bitch-“

“GUYS, please!” Miku intervened, stepping between the two men. She held out her hands.

The men backed down, still glaring at each other over the woman’s head.

“Katsuki, I don’t want any trouble with you,” Miku sighed, “I just want to get of my things and go.”

“Dove, we need to talk.” He said, voice softening.

His tone and the familiar nickname made Miku’s lip tremble. She felt Hawks behind her, giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

“You really think she wants to talk to you after the shit you pulled?” Hawks leveled at Bakugo, in a hard voice. “I’ll leave your apartment, but only if you let her get her stuff in peace.”

“Look, asswipe,” Bakugo shot back, looking ready to spit fire, “this is between me and Miku,”

“Yes it is,” Hawks fired back, “and when she’s ready, she’ll let you know. Until then, she told you she wasn’t looking for trouble-“

“Keigo,” Miku cut in again, this time grabbing the man’s hands and turning to face him. Her eyes gaze found his. “It’s ok.” She whispered.

His bushy brows lifted in surprise and he frowned down at her.

“But-“ His eyes flicked between Miku’s uneasy, but determined expression and Bakugo’s glowering stare.

He found Miku’s eyes again.

“Alright,” he nodded, “I’ll be right outside.”

With one last warning glare to her ex, the man left the apartment, and the ex lovers were faced with one another for the first time in nearly a week.

Miku’s wings hugged in on her, it took a lot to hold her ex boyfriend’s gaze. She kept envisioning him wrapped in Kirishima’s arms. On the bed they’d shared just one night before.

After a pregnant silence, Bakugo finally spoke up.

“Are you fucking him?”

“Really,” Miku scoffed. “That’s the first thing you have to say to me? So what if I fuckin’ am? At least you didn’t catch me in bed with him.”

The blonde sighed, and his entire being went slack. He ran his hands through his spiked pale blonde hair.

“Ok, fine. You’re fucking right, ok?”

Miku quirked a brow, folding her arms.

“Miku, you have every right to be mad at me after what I did to you, but I just need you to understand that it wasn’t because of you. It wasn’t anything you did.”

Miku remained silent.

“The thing is, regardless of what you might think, I still love you.”

Her heart stalled.

“But I love Kirishima too. I fell for Eijirou—hell, when we were just kids and that feeling never went away. No matter how far he went away from me.”

He took a step forward, and Miku stepped back on shaky legs. Bakugo must have realized her unease because he paused mid-step, and let his arms fall limp to his sides.

“I didn’t sleep with him because I didn’t love you. I love you both I just-I should have...I wanted to explain it sooner, but-“

“Are you stumbling over your words because you realize how stupid they sound?” Miku cut him off, impatiently.

Bakugo looked half way offended. “It might sound stupid, but it’s true! I loved you both I wanted you two equally-“

“Ohhh,” Miku’s eyes widened as realization dawned on her. “Oh,” she breathed quietly. “You wanted us both equally...that’s what it was coming down to wasn’t it? Yet another threesome? Or maybe a poly relationship?”

Her exes mouth snapped shut, brows knitting together.

Suddenly, the pounding of Miku’s heart slowed. The pieces settled into place.

She scoffed, shaking her head. “Why am I never enough for you?” Miku chuckled almost in disbelief. She wasn’t sure if it was towards him or herself. “I was never going to be enough for you was I?”

“Miku, it’s not about that—“

“Oh, I know!” She interjected, her voice rising to a harsh pitch, “it’s about you and how nothing is ever good enough for the great Bakugo Katsuki. Not your rank on the billboard charts, not your agency, not your relationship. Unless everything and everyone lines up exactly the way you want them to, you aren’t satisfied.”

“Miku, that’s not fair. I—“

“Fair?!” She barked out a disbelieving laugh. “You wanna talk about fair?! Let’s talk about me walking in on you fucking another person in the bed we shared JUST ONE NIGHT BEFORE! Let’s talk about how FAIR that was! Or how about the first and only time I let you talk me into a threesome?! Huh!”

He stepped back, Miku hardly realize that she had begun advancing towards him until he started moving away from her. Her feathers stood on end with her frayed nerves, whipping up the air around them.

“Let’s talk about how you agreed that there would be no sex unless all parties were engaged together. Then when I come back from the bathroom you’re deep dicking our third party like the key to becoming the number one hero is in that bitch’s abdomen! So if you wanna talk about what’s not fair? You got the right mother fuckin’ one!”

Her hands shook with unbridled anger, her body needed to move. She needed to vent with every part of herself.

“I was never going to be enough for you because nothing is ever going to be enough for you!” She seethed, stormy eyes looking him up and down, and she felt like she was finally seeing Bakugo Katsuki for the first time. “Not your rank, not your agency, not your relationships, and if I hadn’t caught Kirishima fucking you, I would almost say a prayer for him. Because he’s not going to be enough for you either, but since the two of you are cut from the same lying, scheming, manipulative ass cloth; you and him both can book a honey moon suite in hell; because you mother fuckas belong together.”

With that final verbal assault, Miku spun on her heel and stormed into the hallway.

A wide eyed Hawks waited on the other side along with several bystanders and neighbors who had come out of their rooms to observe the show.

“Um,” The avian spoke up hesitantly, “you good, Angel?”

“Fuckin’ peachy. Let’s go.”

Miku marched passed the gawking eyes of her old neighbors, Hawks hot on her tail.

The cool air hitting her face as she shoved her way out the door felt refreshing. The driver waiting at the car they’d left at the curb, held the door open for them.

Once she was settled against the leather seats, Miku unleashed a breath along with all of the tension she’d built verbally tearing into her ex.

Hawks gazed at her.

“Damn, Angel,” he chuckled, “after that, I think you’re my hero.”

His laughter was cut short by the woman’s lips finding his own.

The man’s eyes blew wide. His body automatically fell into the kiss with her, despite his mind screaming against the idea.

Hawks gripped Miku’s waist, pulling her tighter against his body. Fuck, she felt good...Fuck this was wrong...

“Angel,” Hawks pulled back, reluctantly, “are you sure?”

“Keigo,” Miku huffed, “I haven’t felt this sure about anything in two weeks. I’m horny and I want this, now shut the fuck up and kiss me.”

She didn’t give him a chance to answer before her lips smashed against his again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keigo couldn’t remember whining and whimpering so much in his entire life.

Miku’s pussy felt like it was choking the soul out of his dick. Every part of her body was angry and he loved it. He wanted to take every bit of the smothering, all encompassing, creamy pleasure strangling his cock, and bottle it for later.

“Ahh~ahhh fuck, fuck, fuck,” he sighed, forcing himself to keep his eyes open.

Shit she was a vision. Big breasts bouncing and ivory hair contrasting against her dark, glistening skin. Her white wings flared out—the feathers trembling.

“That’s it, Angel,” he wrapped his long fingers around her hips, one hand gripping her ass. His hips snapped up to dig deeper inside her.

Keigo’s eyes rolled. “Ride this dick, baby, let it out. Fucking ride it.”

Screams and moans and sighs fell from her mouth in the loveliest song he’d ever heard in his life.

Keigo grabbed the woman’s hand and pulled her curvy body against his hard chest, rolling his hips and deepening both of their pleasure.

“Don’t stop,” Miku mumbled, “please don’t stop~” she groaned.

“I won’t, Angel. Trust me.”

Keigo made a mental note to send Bakugo an anonymous “thank you for fucking up so royally” fruit bouquet. Because he was never getting this woman back.

(When I tell y’all I love these two)

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ we are no more than friends, i know.

date: august 2020 / october 2020.

location: kiha’s studio / ash’s apartment studio

word count: 2,048 words.

summary: idk. ash has issues other than the vogue korea september issue if you catch my drift. the ending of this is so melodramatic but so is ash, leave us alone

triggers: alcohol mentions + metaphorical suicidal imagery and gun violence imagery. also metaphorical blood imagery. yeah, ash is on his love = death shit again. i’m sorry. he’s not taking his antidepressants in the later parts of this + he’s read too much about bonnie and clyde for this song + meningitis causes “emotional disruption” so please just blame it on all of that.

notes: creative claims verification. more mentions of youngjoo. also…  an appearance from npc ash’s producer crew friend kiha so i gotta say now that kyung and kiha have both made appearances in ash solos... erin is the only one of ash’s npc crew trio friends with a brain to mouth filter, which is why he gets along with her the best.

ash doesn’t have much experience with unrequited love.

for someone who’s defined so much of his music-making by the heartbreak he’s been through, he knows the heartbreak of once-requited or still-requited feelings far more than he does the heartbreak of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way. perhaps it’s one small way in his life that he’s been lucky. rarely have his feelings that weren’t returned ever gotten very serious. he knows getting starry-eyed over someone who doesn’t know he exists or affection for someone who doesn’t see him as an option, even yearning for someone he suspects might be yearning for him in return without confirmation, but love? love is a two-way street.

which is why he’s caught off-guard when kiha asks him if he’s in love with some chick who doesn’t love him back when ash shows him the latest song he’s been working on.

“huh?” the shock on ash’s face is genuine, but kiha laughs like ash is fronting for the sake of evading their conversation.

“come on, man. no one who actually doesn’t care writes a whole bryson tiller knockoff with the lyrics ‘just friends, who cares?’ that’s rule number one of the friendzone.”

ash scoffs and turns back around in his seat, trying not to show that the other’s words had caused some hurt, which only earns another chuckle from his friend.

kiha really gets on ash’s nerves sometimes. being his go-to clubbing buddy doesn’t make him an expert on what’s going on in ash’s life, and ash doesn’t even believe in the friendzone anyway. that’s for people who believe the world revolves around whether or not they can have sex with each person they have in their lives.

he only gets more annoyed as kiha speaks yet again. “what? too much of a hot shot for the girls and guys not to jump at the chance to get with you?”

kiha is joking and ash knows, but it strikes a tender nerve that ash would very much prefer were left alone. there come times like this when their different worlds clash too strongly. kiha finds the whole idol thing to be a joke and, frankly, so does ash, but that doesn’t mean he wants to deal with his friend mocking his entire public image.

he burns red with guilt at the simple fact one person immediately comes to mind as kiha drones on about ash ‘getting in his feelings’.

it’s not like he thinks he and youngjoo have anything in common with infamous american criminals on the run, but he has to channel feelings from somewhere and despite his best efforts to pretend otherwise, ash knows very well where nearly all of the romantic feelings he lays bare in his music come from these days.

it’s not that ash hasn’t considered that what he feels for youngjoo isn’t reciprocated, but then again, there are times she says things and does things and he lets his hopes get the best of him in believing he isn’t the only one feeling what he does. and even if she feels nothing for him, that’s fine, too. it’s not like he’s fallen head over heels, unable to get up, can’t eat or sleep without her. he has a little crush, and that’s fine. he’s not the first person on earth to have a crush and he won’t be the last and, considering their history, it’s only natural that sleeping together again for such an extended period of time would reawaken once-dormant feelings. he’s let himself get comfortable, that’s all. he could stop feeling the way he does any time he wants to.

it doesn’t matter whether her feelings for him go beyond what they have or not, anyway. that’s the point of the song. nothing’s ever going to happen between them again besides what they have now, so it doesn’t matter if they’re just friends or if either of them want more. that’s where the bonnie and clyde metaphor had come in — doomed no matter what they do, playing with fire, not belonging to each other.

after all, bonnie parker had been wearing her wedding ring from another man when she’d died by clyde barrow’s side.

bonnie and clyde may very well be lovers immortalized in name together and romanticized in media, but sworn to one another is something they’d never been.

as if on cue, ash’s silence prompts kiha to speak again. “and what’s the bonnie and clyde thing about?”

“american bank robbers? the quintessential romanticized reference of doomed lovers, if you aren’t counting romeo and juliet.” ash doesn’t bother to turn around from where he’s fiddling with one of the vocal lines to check and see if recognition lights up kiha’s eyes or not. if he’s going to be a dick, ash isn’t above being a little condescending about his song inspiration. “bonnie and clyde died for their crimes instead of as casualties of a violent feud between families, though. they saw their death as inevitable, if bonnie parker’s poems are to be believed. nihilism in the form of passionate love. i’ve been reading up on them here and there. they’re pretty interesting, actually, once you shed the lore around them and look at them as real people who did some bad shit.”

“damn, you’re ready to die for some girl?”

of course that’s what he’d taken from everything else ash had said. all ash had wanted was to ask kiha if he thought the vocal delivery should be looser or not, and this is where he’d gotten. he isn’t sure why he’d expected anything better.

“that’s not what i said, kiha.” ash rolls his eyes, knowing full well that the older man can’t see him, as he puts the finishing touches on his work before saving it and beginning to pack his things up as fast as he can manage while still looking unaffected. “it’s probably best if i go. it’s getting late.”

“never knew you were so masochistic. that just emotional or does it make you freaky in bed, too?”

the look on kiha’s face tells ash he’s finally realized too late that ash isn’t in the mood for the kind of jokes he’s cracking about the song or the untold story behind it. kiha doesn’t try to stop ash from leaving, though, and he doesn’t open his mouth again until ash is in the doorway and turns around to concede a goodbye.

“hey. you don’t strike me as the hell-raising clyde type, but if some girl, this ‘bonnie’ of yours doesn’t like you back, you gotta get yourself together and move on. why would you put everything on the line for some girl you have to fake not caring about? you gonna repeat history? sounds like bonnie and clyde didn’t get their happily ever after the first time around.”

ash forgets why he’s friends with kiha sometimes. the other man is a great songwriter for someone who seems so unwilling to experience his own emotions and so willing to give advice ash hadn’t asked for.

he has the misfortune of thinking kiha is done right before he pipes up again. “i know you’re done with relationships or whatever, man, but no one who doesn’t want to be loved back writes the shit you come in here and show me, so… i don’t know. go out there and find someone who will love you back so i don’t have to sit through your weird double homicide, dying side by side love fantasies until we’re old and grey and that pretty boy face can’t work its magic from our rocking chairs anymore.”

“hey, kiha? didn’t ask.” that’s all he gets for parting words before ash leaves and forgets everything kiha had said under more shots than he can keep track of.

it doesn’t bother him that kiha cuts right through every layer of armor he’s constructed so easily without so much as lifting a finger when all ash had wanted was some objective musical criticism.

no.

ash wants a drink after a long day. that’s all.

_____________________________________________________________

that’s all.

ash finds himself mentally repeating the phrase more and more as time races on.

kiha hadn’t said the song was a stupid idea, but in the days following their conversation, ash wonders if it is. the concept had been a spur of the moment one, based on a first verse spinning off into something new when he’d fallen down a rabbit hole online one night and he’d begun to wonder: in a different life, would he be a clyde barrow or a roy thornton? the thrill ride or the one that gets left behind?

because those are the only two options for someone like him in a situation like he’s in, in the end.

the song teeters dangerously on the edge of low synths and hi-hats, distorted brass and whispers under the track, a sonic mirror image of the clashing in his head. he thinks if he asked someone with more experience to their name with writing hits, they’d tell him it’s too busy to ever be a fully mainstream record, but ash is past writing for the mainstream with this song.

he doesn’t know if he even wants anyone to hear this. will they pity him? mock him? know him more than he wants them to, like kiha had when he’d reached right into the center of ash’s chest and squeezed around the bloody pulp his heart has become?

each time he ponders any one of the one hundred questions swimming through his head for too long, he’s tempted to leave everything behind again to find his way to the nearest club with a semi-safe standard for who they let in their doors. instead, he gets catharsis by kicking up the percussion up a few levels in volume and re-recording vocals over the parts that feel too soft listening to them back. his tone is darker now, more destructive instead of the romantic interpretation he’d taken on the first demo recording, but everything falls apart after the second chorus and in a peak-climbing moment of emotion, he exits the file completely, leaving him with two-thirds of a track and the remaining self-preservation not to come back to it while it’s playing games with his mind.

his self-preservation must get dropped somewhere in the ocean during his plane trips from seoul to indonesia to malaysia to seattle back to seoul, because coming back to the track happens only a few months after he abandons it.

the first night he returns to it, he weighs it down with the sound of his heart — a call that can’t be made.

if his heart is a payphone, he doesn’t have any change left to sound out a call for help, for forgiveness. 

if he were to call her, would she answer or has she already cleared his number from her phone and blocked it permanently?

the track drops out and mellows where he’d left off. 

even still would you remember me? nah, nah, i’m just...

he’d only hate himself more if the goodness of her heart could be great enough to give him a second, third, tenth chance.

the head-pounding bass kicks back in and then all of the air is sucked back out of it like being flung out into the black abyss of space.

a gunshot.

it’s the closest he can come to describing what he’d done to himself in his bedroom that night. he’d grabbed the gun and put it to his own head. there’s no one else to blame.

_____________________________________________________________

only a few days later, he opens up the file bonnieandclyde again, this time in his studio with full awareness of what it is and where he’d left it. the tequila shots he’d had to celebrate his return home to a dark and empty apartment after the end of his day aren’t enough to get him past the outskirts of tipsy.

the confusion of loss he’d left off at isn’t the correct ending anymore. a week after, and he knows the song doesn’t end with the trigger being pulled, but the last thoughts he’d had as every held-back thought had trickled out of his head in a bright red stream onto his carpet, his own heart beating in his ears — the only part of him foolish enough to keep fighting to stay alive.

i want, want you to know baby, i want you to know how much i love you how much i need you