#he would do anything for this kid and i genuinely mean it. he will NOT go home without kit at this point.
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Reconciling Comfort: pt.2 of Stray Kids' reactions to their S/O refusing a hug
Part 1 -> Rejected Embraces and Heavy Hearts
Bang Chan
The apartment feels oddly still as you stare at your phone, debating how to text him. You’d assumed Chris had gone to the studio like he planned, leaving the tense air of the argument behind to clear his head. You hate how things were left, hate the way his face crumpled as he turned away.
Finally, you decide to get up. While typing out a message you walk to your living room but out of the corner of your eye you see a silhouette sitting on the couch. Your heart jumps as you glance up.
Your boyfriend is sitting there, headphones on, his laptop balanced on his knees. His brow is furrowed in concentration, his fingers tapping away at the keyboard.
The sight startles you. “Chris?” you blurt out, breaking the silence.
He looks up sharply, pulling his headphones off with one swift motion. “Oh—hey,” he says, his voice soft, almost hesitant. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
You blink, still processing his presence. “I thought you went to the studio. Why are you still here?”
He rubs the back of his neck, glancing away sheepishly. “I didn’t want to go in case… you wanted to talk to me.” His words come out rushed, like he’s second-guessing every syllable. “But if you don’t – if you want me to leave, I understand. I’ll go right now—.”
He immediatly closed his laptop, as if to pack up, but you stopped him with a quick shake of your hand. “Nonono, I’m glad you stayed,” you said, moving to sit beside him.
“I’m sorry,” you say softly, your voice heavy with sincerity. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I know physical affection is important to you, and stepping back like that… I didn’t mean to shut you out like that. I just—” You pause, struggling to find the words. “I wasn’t ready at the moment, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t care.”
His expression softens, a mix of relief and lingering vulnerability. “Thank you,” he says quietly. “That means a lot to me. But… you don’t have to feel obligated, okay? I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for, even if it’s just a hug. I’m not upset about that, I promise.”
Chris hesitates before continuing, his voice low. “And… I’m sorry too. For the argument. I think I let my emotions get the better of me. I wasn’t trying to put all that pressure on you. I just – sometimes I’m not the best at explaining what I mean.”
Instead of answering, you lean into him, wrapping your arms around him. It’s warm, grounding, and the tension that had built up between you dissolves. Chris lets out a breath he seems to have been holding and hugs you back, his arms encircling you tightly.
Lee Know
An hour passes, the weight of the day easing slightly as you reflect on Lee Know’s words and his quiet presence. You finally gather the courage to seek him out, hoping to mend the small gap left by your earlier rejection. The sound of gentle clatter of utensils lead you to the kitchen.
There he is, focused on the task at hand, the light from the stove casting a warm glow over his side profile. He’s stirring something in a pot, his movements precise yet relaxed.
When he senses your presence, he glances up. His eyes meet yours, and for a moment, no words are said. The hurt you feared would linger is replaced by a soft understanding, though his brow lifts in slight surprise.
“Hey,” you say quietly, stepping closer. “I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I needed a bit of time to digest my day.”
His expression softens, his lips curving into a small, reassuring smile. But before he can respond, your stomach betrays you with a loud grumble.
He blinks in surprise before breaking into a chuckle, the sound warm and genuine. “Well, I guess you’re not just digesting your day – you’re starving too,” he teases, setting down the spoon. “Have you even eaten?”
You shake your head sheepishly, and he lets out a mock sigh of exasperation. “Unbelievable. No wonder you’re feeling down. What am I going to do with you?”
Before you can reply, he grabs a couple of plates and starts dishing out the food he’s prepared. You watch him, the way he moves with care, the way he’s still here, doing this for you, and it makes your chest ache in the best way.
“Thank you,” you say, the words carrying a weight that goes beyond the meal. “I really don’t know what I did to deserve this – to deserve you.”
He pauses, turning to meet your gaze again, his eyes filled with something tender yet teasing. “Oh, don’t get all sappy on me now. Just eat.”
You hesitate, biting your lip. “Actually… before we eat, can I ask you something?”
He tilts his head. “What’s that?”
You step closer, your voice soft. “Are you still up for that hug?”
His lips twitch into a grin, though he narrows his eyes in feigned disapproval. “Now you want one? After I offered earlier? You know my hugs are exclusive, right?”
You roll your eyes, but before you can defend yourself, he’s already pulling you into his arms, wrapping you in warmth and familiarity. The scent of his cologne mixes with the faint aroma of the food, and for the first time that day, you feel like you can truly breathe.
“I missed out earlier,” you whispers, your voice gentle but playful.
Changbin
Hours later, after giving you the space you seemed to need, Changbin cautiously approaches your room. The quiet hum of the house feels heavier than usual. He pushes open the door gently, only to find you sprawled out on the bed, passed out.
Changbin’s expression softens as he steps closer. The tension on your face is still visible even in sleep, and it tugs at his heart. He sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb you, and studies your features for a moment. A sigh escapes his lips.
After a while, you stir awake to the dim light form outside. Blinking blearily, you notice Changbin sitting in a nearby chair, scrolling absentmindedly on his phone. He looks up as he senses your movement, offering you a gentle smile.
“You’re awake,” he says softly, setting his phone aside. “Feeling any better?”
“A bit.” You sit up slowly, rubbing your eyes. The weight of the day still lingers, but his presence is grounding. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Binnie,” you say suddenly, your voice cracking. “I didn’t mean to shut you out earlier. You had a tough day too, and instead of being there for you, I made it worse.”
His brow furrows with concern as he shifts to sit beside you. “Hey, no—”
“No, please let me finish,” you interrupt, tears welling up in your eyes. “I just… I’ve been so burned out lately, and I know that’s no reason but I took it out on you. That’s not fair. You deserve so much better than that.”
Your voice falters as you break into quiet sobs, the stress of the day finally overwhelming you. Without hesitation, Changbin pulls you into his arms, holding you tightly as if to shield you from your own thoughts.
“Shhh,” he whispers soothingly, resting his chin on your head. “It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to carry all of this alone.” His hand strokes your back in slow, comforting circles. “I know you’ve been going through a lot. I just want to help you, not make things harder.”
You cling to him, his warmth melting away some of the heaviness in your chest. “I’m sorry,” you repeat, muffled against his shoulder.
“Don’t apologize,” he murmurs, pulling back just enough to cup your face in his hands. His thumbs gently wipe away your tears. “I love you, even on the days when it’s hard to show it. And I’ll always be here, okay? We’ll figure it out together.”
Hyunjin
Later that evening, the cool night air brushes against your skin as you sit on the balcony, your gaze lost in the vast sky above, dotted with countless stars. The events of the day weigh heavily on your heart, but the stillness of the night gives you a moment of solitude, a chance to reflect.
The sound of footsteps breaks the silence, and you don’t need to turn around to know who it is. Hyunjin’s presence is unmistakable and you feel the space between you stretch even farther. He stands by the door, as though testing the waters, not wanting to disturb the fragile silence that exists between you two.
“I’ve been thinking,” he finally says, his voice soft and measured. “I don’t want to make you feel like you have to forgive me right away. But I need you to know I’m here, no matter how long it takes.”
You glance at him then, his words tugging at something inside you. The sincerity in his eyes doesn’t erase the hurt, but it reminds you of the person standing before you. Slowly, you lift up the blanket that’s shielding you from the chill of the evening. You shift slightly, creating a space beside you, a silent invitation for him to join you.
Hyunjin hesitates for just a moment before he slides closer, wrapping himself in the blanket with you. The quiet is comfortable now, not as heavy as it once was.
Minutes pass, neither of you speaking, but the tension between you seems to lessen. Eventually, you find yourself leaning closer to him, your head resting on his shoulder as the stars above seem to sparkle brighter in the stillness of the night.
You’re not ready to forgive him – not yet. But as the night stretches on, you realize that the hurt isn’t as sharp as it once was. It hurts more to be apart. Right now, this moment, sitting together in silence, feels like the only step you can take.
Han
Han was pacing quietly in the living room, trying to distract himself from the worry that had been growing in his chest since your refusal to be held. His eyes flickered to where you’d been earlier, feeling like a puppy abandoned by its owner. He couldn't help but wonder what you were thinking, what you were going through.
Then, suddenly, a sharp sound sliced through the quiet. His heart leapt in his chest, and before he could think, he rushed toward the kitchen.
When he burst into the room, his breath caught in his throat. There you were, crouched on the floor amidst the sharp shards of a broken glass. Your expression was a mix of shock and something darker, like the weight of everything inside you had finally spilled over.
"Omg, are you okay?!" Han asked urgently, his voice trembling slightly. His eyes wide, quickly scanned you for any sign of injury, but it wasn’t just the glass that had him panicked – it was the look in your eyes, distant and vacant, like you weren’t fully present.
You shook your head, looking down at the shards scattered around you. "I... I'm fine," you murmured, but the words didn’t sound convincing to him.
Your breath caught, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. "I'm such a mess," you said quietly, a shaky exhale following. "I don’t even know why... I just... everything feels so broken right now, and I don’t know how to fix it."
Han’s heart ached for you, and he didn’t hesitate. With a gentle, almost tender tone, he spoke. "It’s okay to be a mess," His eyes never leaving you, he crouched next to you. "You don’t have to have everything together. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere."
You let out a long breath, the tension in your body easing just slightly as you allowed yourself to lean against him. Neither of you spoke for a while, the stillness of the moment offering a rare kind of comfort. You could feel the warmth of his body against yours, a quiet support, like he was holding you together.
Eventually, Han reached out with his free hand, carefully pushing the glass shards to the side, making a little space between you and the mess. "We don’t have to clean it up right now," he said softly, his voice gentle. "We can just be here."
For a moment, you just sat there, on your cold kitchen floor surrounded by the shards of one of your favorite glasses, your head resting against his shoulder, letting the quiet soothe the chaos inside your mind. The world outside could wait.
Felix
Felix sat in the airport terminal, his phone clutched tightly in his hands. The din of travelers blurred into white noise around him, but all he could focus on was the blank screen he fiddled in his hands. He had checked it at least ten times in the past minute, hoping for a message from you – a lifeline to soothe the ache that had been growing since your last conversation.
The past few days had been tense, the effortless flow of your texts reduced to short, clipped exchanges.
"Still nothing?" Chan’s voice broke through Felix’s thoughts as the older member settled into the seat beside him.
Felix shook his head, a small, resigned sigh escaping him. "I don’t blame them," he murmured, his gaze fixed on the screen. "I just... I hate leaving like this, you know? I don’t want them to think I don’t care."
Chan placed a reassuring hand on Felix’s shoulder. "They know you care. Sometimes, people just need time to process."
Felix nodded, though the unease remained. He knew Chan was right, but the uncertainty gnawed at him. What if time wasn’t enough?
A soft buzz interrupted his thoughts. His heart leapt as he saw your name flash on the screen. Hesitating for only a second, he opened the message.
"Hey. I hope you have a safe flight. Let me know when you get to the hotel? If you want, we could call."
Felix read the text twice, his chest tightening with a mix of relief and longing. It wasn’t everything, but it was enough. Enough to feel like a small bridge had been built between the two of you.
Chan caught a glimpse of the soft smile spreading across Felix’s face and leaned back in his chair, giving a small nod of approval. He didn’t say anything, but the respect he felt for the bond between you two was evident in the quiet way he patted Felix’s back before standing up.
The flight was long, but the thought of hearing your voice made it bearable. When he finally arrived at the hotel and dropped his bags, he dialed your number without hesitation.
-----
The days passed slowly, but eventually, Felix was home. His heart raced as he opened the door. The familiar scent of the place hit him first, grounding him, but it wasn’t until he heard your footsteps that everything felt real.
You appeared at the edge of the hallway, your expression a mix of hesitation and warmth. Felix froze for a moment, his breath catching as he tried to read your face. Then you smiled – small and shy.
Closing the distance between you, he wrapped his arms around you tightly, burying his face in your shoulder.
“I missed you so much,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.
You held him just as tightly, your fingers threading through his hair. “I missed you too, Lix.”
It wasn’t just a hug; it was a reconnection, a renewal. It felt like the first time all over again – the warmth, the electricity. And in that moment, Felix knew you would both be okay. Even with the heavy talk standing in front of you, he believed that you'd both find your way through it.
Seungmin
The following day, you wake up to the soft light filtering through the blinds, your heart still weighed down from the emotions of yesterday. You go about your day until you find a small, neatly folded note on the kitchen counter, its edges creased from being gently set down. You recognize Seungmin's handwriting immediately.
The words are simple, but their meaning strikes deep:
“I know yesterday was hard. I’m here when you’re ready. Take your time.”
You feel a wave of warmth and gratitude surge through you, but also a familiar pang of guilt. His kindness, his patience – it almost feels too much, yet it's exactly what you need right now. You let out a breath, the tension you didn’t even realize you were holding releasing just a little.
Later, when you meet with Seungmin after his practice, your heart feels lighter but still raw. His usual bright, confident demeanor is softened by something deeper today. You catch his eyes and notice the faint hint of uncertainty behind his smile. He’s waiting for you, allowing you the space you need, just as the note said.
As you both settle into the familiar quiet, the words you’ve been holding back finally spill out, soft but genuine.
"Thank you for giving me space," you say, the gratitude in your voice clear. "I needed it, but I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate you."
Seungmin’s expression softens, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I just want to make sure you're okay," he replies, his tone sincere. "And if you need me to be closer or farther away, I’m fine with either. You don’t have to do anything until you’re ready."
After a moment of silence you ask “So… how would you feel about being a little closer right now?" Your words trailing off as you look at him, hesitant but hopeful. Your eyes search his, a hint of longing behind the question.
Seungmin's smile widens, though his expression remains gentle, and he shakes his head slowly, his eyes warm with understanding. "I think we’re already close enough," he says, his tone teasing but kind.
Without another word, he opens his arms, and you step into his embrace. The hug is quiet, comforting, and without the pressure of anything more.
I.N
You collapse onto the couch, your phone in hand, feeling a growing sense of isolation. The time passes, and you find yourself scrolling mindlessly through social media, trying to distract yourself from the emotional weight pressing on your chest. Each swipe seems to only deepen the discomfort, the posts making you feel even more alone as the world around you continues on without a care.
Your phone buzzes suddenly, and you glance down at the notification. It’s from I.N. The message is a simple meme – a picture of a dog wearing glasses with the caption: "Me when I try to act cool, but I’m actually an emotional mess."
A small chuckle escapes you, your heart lightened just a little by his attempt to cheer you up. It’s just a silly meme, but somehow, his gesture makes everything feel a bit more manageable.
The phone buzzes again, and you read his next message: "If you ever need to vent, I'm here. You don’t have to carry it all alone."
Your fingers hover over the screen for a moment, and you begin typing. "I’m sorry for earlier… I just don’t want to drag you down."
Almost instantly, a reply comes: "You could never drag me down. Let me know if you want a hug. I’m always here for you, okay?" Attached to that message was a GIF of two cartoon animals with big, fluffy arms stretching out in an exaggerated hug.
Your heart softens, the words hitting a place deep inside you that you didn’t realize was aching.
Without a second thought, you push yourself off the couch, phone still in hand, and head towards him. When he sees you standing there, his face brightens, and he opens his arms, welcoming you into a warm embrace.
“I’m sorry I pulled away earlier,” you whisper against his chest, the weight of everything from the day slowly melting away as you allow yourself to lean into his comfort.
#stray kids reactions#stray kids#straykids x reader#skz reactions#skz x reader#skz imagines#skz#bang chan#lee know#changbin#hyunjin#han jisung#lee felix#seungmin#i.n#skz x you#skz fluff#skz scenarios#stray kids x you#stray kids x reader
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Post Sinsmas Ficlet- Happy New Year Part 1
About time I post one of my ficlets at 2 in the morning. Enjoy and happy Sinsmas to you and yours.
"What do you mean you, 'celebrate the new year?'" Stolas asks, arms crossed. Blitz just blinks.
"You gotta be kidding me. You study fucking space and you don't celebrate the turning of a new year?!" He asks, face contorted in confusion.
Stolas looks away, eyes cast, "Well I-dont celebrate much of anything. There was...birthdays for Via and Fathers day. That's...about it".
Blitz winces and grabs his hand, "Well, more new things then! Exciting. Loony and I usually go to Wrath to watch the fireworks with M&M. Since it's such a wide open space. Would you wanna come with?" He asks, looking up at him. Stolas hesitates then looks down at Blitz's genuine smile. He can't say no to that face.
"I suppose...I don't really feel good about going back to Wrath though without my powers. They already hated me as I was before", he says nervously, writhing his hands.
Blitz leans on him, "Don't worry, we'll be with Millies family and they love me! We all won't let anything happen to ya". Stolas smiles, "Okay".
"Now, wanna get a new outfit for the occasion? Something more...country?" Blitz asks with excited eyes and Stolas rolls his own.
"I suppose. I do love shopping", he smiles and Blitz nods, "Don't I know it. Gone through about three of mah paychecks for it!"
Stolas frowns, "I'm sorry is...that too much? I dont-you offered". Blitz widens his eyes, "No no I'm sorry I uh, just something us commoners so sometimes. Complain about not having money".
Stolas looks to the ground when Blitz interrupts his steady dissociation.
"I promise, it's fine", Blitz reassures and Stolas gives a small smile, taking his hand.
They go shopping for clothing again in Pride, this time to a wooden building with a cowboy hat on the sign. Walking in it smells like tobacco and polished wood. It's much more casual than the place they'd been before, with racks upon racks and only one changing room.
Blitz smiles, holding up a brown vest with dangling pieces off the bottom.
"Watcha think? Would I be a tootin cowboy or a tootin cowboy?" He chuckles and tries on the vest. But before Stolas can response, the man behind the counter pipes up.
"Hey! You try it, you buy it", he says in a gruff voice. Blitz sighs, "Fuckin ripoff. You're lucky it looks good on me mister", he points to the cashier, slamming down a 20. The man could give no fucks, just grabbing the bill and looking off again into the distance.
"I don't know uhm, if I'm going to find something here without trying it on", Stolas says meagerly, flipping through the myriad of button down plaid shirts.
Blitz ponders, "Hmmm. I think this one would look cute", he holds up a purple plaid shirt to him and Stolas blushes, "Really? The pattern is rather bold".
"Aww come on you're in Pride, Stolas! Amongst the people! You gotta be bold in this world", Blitz comments and hands him the Purple button down. Stolas smiles, "Okay fine", and tries it on. To his surprise, Blitz knew his exact size. As soon as he tries it on the man stands up to speak again and Blitz slams down another 20. The man sits back down.
He looks over Stolas in the shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His face must look love drunk but he can't help it. Stolas looks amazing in anything.
"You like it that much, hmm?" Stolas asks, still skeptical. Blitz pulls him in closer, holding his waist.
"You're just so sexy in anything you wear, Stols", he quips and Stolas's face burns red. Becoming flustered, he pulls the shirt off, "W-well, we'll take it then". Blitz chuckles, "Already paid". Stolas blinks, "Oh! Well, let's go then".
Ever since being back on his meds for a few days he feels a little more normal. The fog slowly lifting from his head. He's been clearer headed, and starts wishing for idle things to do with his hands, besides writing in his diary. Being a secretary at IMP is an easy job and all, but he finds himself craving more to do. Which he can't believe he'd ever say.
"So uhm, what are we going to Wrath for again? A party?" He asks Blitz as he comes out of the bathroom from getting ready. "Uh do ya mind?" He asks and Stolas widens his eyes, "Oh. Yes of course", and turns his body away so he can't see as Blitz gets dressed. He forgot however, about the mirror on the other side of the room. A tall one Blitz bought so Stolas could see his whole self. And apparently all of Blitz as well.
His face blushes again and he almost doesn't pay attention when Blitz finally answers him.
"For fireworks silly! Big bang light shows. You'll love it. Like what we saw in the human world. Member?"
Stolas hears about half of that, watching Blitz pull up his jeans over the bulge and buttoning. Then as he pulls his shirt over his head, Stolas is lost in that chest.
"Stolas? You...listening?" Blitz asks, pulling the shirt down and grabbing the new vest. Stolas panics, "Uh yes. Yes! Of course. Light show. Sounds great".
"Uh huh...", Blitz narrows his eyes then throws Stolas his new purple button down, "Then get dressed silly! We got a little ways to go to get to Wrath in the van".
Stolas quickly grabs the shirt with one hand, holding it at his chest for a moment. Then when Blitz goes back into the restroom, he screams into it a little. Having restraint might be harder than he thought.
#helluva boss#blitzø#helluva boss blitzo#blitz#stolitz#stolas#helluva boss stolas#helluva boss stolitz#helluva stolitz#ficlet#fluff#helluva boss fanfiction#helluva fanfiction#fanfic#my fic
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Hello ! I positively adore the running joke of Idia unknowingly finding Lilia to be the coolest guy ever whenever he doesn't know it's him, like when Silver described his father, or obviously with muscle red. I can't say what'd be funnier, Idia finding out his online best friend is actually Lilia, resident spooky hyper fairy; or them both never finding out, and it'd become even more ridiculous as time goes on. How do you think it'll play out ? You're always so on point
(Also, though it makes sense, I'm still devastated bat boy didn't get a ticket for the Halloween skeleton train : ( does anyone mentions him at some point ? Like how he'd have fit right in with all those Halloween town little freaks, and how he'd have impressed them with his spooks and scared techniques; after all he's been every Briar Valley's children worst fear on Halloween for centuries. I'm on the eng server and I didn't wanna spoil myself by watching the whole thing on youtube)
Have a nice day !
you and me both, Idia and Lilia being oblivious online BFFs (+ Idia being incredibly intimidated any time Silver brings up his jock gamer dad) is my favorite running joke/subplot. 🤝 it's SO good, to the point where I also am unsure if I actually want it to ever be resolved or not...maybe, like, as a post-canon stinger or something? everyone's standing around covered in overblot ink, and Idia and Lilia's phones go off at the same time...
(legit I do think this is part of why Idia couldn't be present for Lilia's dream, because for some reason Lilia decided he was going to just. embody his past self online. he probably quotes his own battle strategies or whatever in the middle of boss fights. Idia didn't pick up on the whole "oh how weird that we both live on a super remote island" thing, but he would spend thirty seconds listening to General Lilia describing siege warfare and be like "w-wait")
all that aside, however it does end up happening, I do see Lilia being very blasé and all "oh! cool!" about it. y'know, taking it very much in stride! and Idia...very much not.
(can't tell if tumblr is going to chew this into illegibility or not, this will be a fun surprise ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ)
as for Lilia sadly missing out on Halloweentown shenanigans...he does get one little mention as part of an offhand reference to the light music club, but so far no one has brought up how this basically is just Lost In the Book of Liliatown (Sebek's been too busy yelling about not getting to be in the same group as Malleus). 😔 honestly though, it's probably for the best that he got left out, because he would just settle right in and refuse to ever leave. canon would shatter. we would miss out on all the delightful angst of episode 7 because Lilia is too busy eating poisonous shrubbery inbetween practicing his very best screams, and no one can pull him away from it.
(I can hope for a sequel next year though...)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#gentle spoilers but y'know. just in case#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#most of the kitchen scene was jade messing with the firsties and that was so delightful that i didn't think til after#that you'd think sebek would have made some kind of reference to lilia 'i lost my tastebuds in the war' vanrouge's quote-unquote cooking#ah well. jade being mean is more than entertaining enough#looking forward to more of it tomorrow!#god. lilia and idia though.#lilia is like. genuinely idia's best friend and neither of them have any idea#and idia keeps doing that 'ha ha what if we were friends out of game too? what if we met offline? jk jk jk uNLESS...👉👈'#and then he immediately chickens out because he's so convinced that crimson will hate him if they ever met irl#(meanwhile lilia is just like 'my online bestie is so cool :) la la la')#they are both so stupid and i love them so much#i've just realized that i actually do want them to find out each other's identities#because idia doesn't just go to school with his online bff#he ALSO goes to school with his online bff's extremely supportive and extremely socially-inept kids#idia is going to get invited to dinner at diasomnia and it's going to be SO awkward#silver is going to give a long formal speech thanking him for being a stalwart comrade and trusted warrior brother to his father#as sebek stews in jealousy that idia got to fight by lilia-sama's side >:(#while idia sits there like 'all i did was link him a video about lane control for his character class'#malleus will make such an effort to learn literally anything about online gaming and he won't understand a word of it#it will be SUCH a disaster and i very much do want it now
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it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
#rambling#i think about this a lot#you could brush charles’ off as a hate crime by proxy since it was in response to him Stopping a hate crime#but that would be stupid. like you think what happened to him would’ve happened if he was white? doubtful#as a mixed person the way i see it is that in that moment- when he protected that pakistani kid- he went from being tolerated#by being/acting just white enough and with enough other jock traits to sort of fit in amongst them#to all at once proving to them that no- he is in fact The Other. he isn’t one of us he’s one of Them.#and as such what happened to him would’ve been a bonafide hate crime. even if they were to give an excuse like ‘he got in our way’ or ‘he#made a fool out of us’ or whatever else. even if those boys didn’t fully UNDERSTAND the racism in their own intentions/actions#it still would be. because that would not have happened to a white boy. period#anyway. genuinely fascinating choice they made with the way they presented his death- especially considering it was not#remotely similar in the comics. neither of them had the hate crime aspect going on really up til yockey’s narrative choices#so props to him. man’s got balls#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#edit: I will say that I don’t think the boys in edwin’s case technically murdered him nor would I call them murderers#because I can’t imagine a single one of them actually thought that ritual was gonna do anything more than make him piss himself#it was still hate-based bullying. like they still absolutely did what they did because he’s visibly effeminate and easily clickable#and all in all: gay. but when I say edwin was murdered I don’t really mean by those boys. I mean those boys dragged him into the situation#(kicking and screaming) that GOT him murdered by a demon. and he would not have been in that position if not for being gay.#I’ll say it again because last time I talked about this someone got real pissy in my inbox: I am not excusing the actions of the boys that#got him killed nor am I saying what they did wasn’t based in homophobia. i am just clarifying that they didn’t intend on killing anyone or#think whatsoever that someone getting killed was even a possibility (as opposed to charles’ killers who definitely had to have thought he#could be killed even if that might not have been the premeditated goal of every boy involved)#but the fact that edwin was ultimately intentionally killed by a demon counts as murder to me#someone killed him on purpose. that’s murder#the demon probably didn’t give a shit about this human teenager’s sexuality but regardless he ended up there for being gay.#so. just. a clarification
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i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.
what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.
in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?
obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)
#and this isnt getting into how trans mothwing outside of mothpool is a really good way to read her character#sorry. remembered the shit bonefall got despite being trans as well and got annoyed#that especially annoys me bc hes got plenty of surrogacies but the second hed touch a trans pregnancy#‘’no you cant do that!!! you freak!!! obviously you only see trans people as a loophole for gays to have babies!!!’’#also my gf and i were talking and obviously take this with a grain of salt bc this is our experience#but…. i think a lot of the ppl saying this……. havent really talked to trans women?#dude some of the ones i know LOVE the idea of getting people pregnant#did you know trans women have sex? did you know trans people in general have sex?? did you know trans people irl wanna start families?#did you know that? did you? or do you black out at the idea of a trans woman being anything but strictly pure and nonsexual#and OBVIOUSLY this is not every trans woman. some do have dysphoria around the idea#but im genuinely starting to wonder how these people act around irl transgender parents#whether they had kids before or after coming out#bc ngl. the attitude that thinking about this makes you a transphobic pervert?#directed at trans people making content for themselves?#im starting to think you all just dont want us to reproduce. if we reproduce we arent ‘’good’’ trans people#because a ‘’real’’ man wouldnt carry a child. a ‘’real’’ woman would carry the child. and god forbid the gays even THINK about reproducing#and being around children!#if we have children then we’re doing things that might make cishets look at us and declare we’re not perfect#we’ve proved we’re not just identical to cis ppl!! (and therefore deserving of respect!)#idk. i think this was mostly a case of tumblr going ‘’oh someone said no to this so lets push this to an unhealthy extreme!!’’#and i cant help but notice nobody really brings up nonbinary parents at all in this discussion#not that we have it ‘’better’’ or anything for that but yknow. are we supposed to swear it off?#is the idea of us having kids inconcievable? or worse…. does it mean we ‘’picked a side?’’#so its not even worth getting mad at a pregnant nb person bc ‘’well thats a woman so who cares’’b#HMMMMM.#ohhhh i bet they also get mad if you make transfem pregnancy possible too. no winning#idk really think about it when you go ‘’you can NEVER EVER portray a trans person starting a family. bc REAL trans people would never.’’#ohhh you probably get mad when trans ppl dont get surgery for one reason or another dontcha#whether we want to or its not in the cards for us for whatever reason like cost and such#(while also getting mad if we do bc we cannot win in this no matter what)
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"Why not?"
"I wish you were a girl."
#hughlander#at first i thought of hughie saying the first quote but the more i thought about it the more it made sense for it to be john HEAR ME OUT..#he was obviously trained to only enjoy the whole “american dream” so ofc that picture perfect look for him would be a woman next to him#while he himself is a piece of shit and cares only about his image he also just doesnt give a shit#(based on his behavior l8r on in the show) he also just doesnt care what anyone has to say especially since in his eyes he is THE strongest#no one can say anything to him and hes untouchable..which is why his odd obsession with hughie will prove to be zero issue#and while he tries to make a connection with hughie in his own overly possesive way hughie holds himself firm with his actions#(lowkey where things gets ooc oh well idc) homelander does try and make SOME sort of attempt in picking at his brain anf at hughie as to#figure out WHY he even is interested in “that loser” and in doing so he eventually finds that hughie for whatever stupid reason#notices that he GENUINELY does care about people and that its not some front like he really does and TRY to see some good in people#so john opens up slightly to him about what people at vought did to him as a kid and its those moments where homelander tries to make it-#light buy hughie looks at him and i mean really /looks/ at him and says “jesus thats fucked Im sorry” and john is absolutely dumbfounded#like so dumbfounded and the god honest yet short comment in regards to him opening up about his past#essentially john starts to feel what he always imagined what “feelings” are supposed to be and after a long time of him and hughie oddly#finding some sort of “middle ground” he tries to pull a move in a moment of odd peace amongst the two and hughie jerks back#john is so confused and i mean REALLY confused#he thought he read all those “signals” right based on the romantic films he was forced to watch why is hughie acting like this?#he doesnt want to even think about what this pain in his chest is and all he can ask is “why not?”
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community college is so funny because half of the teachers are like "For this class you need to use lockdown browser for all quizzes and tests. You need to buy this 70 dollar textbook, and all papers turned in must be in APA format with a title page even if they're only 500 words long. I will not accept late assignments. Also you have a minimum of 4 assignments a week." and the other half are like "you don't need proctoring for the final exam I trust you. here's a download link to a pirated copy of the textbook. as long as your writing is coherent and demonstrates an understanding of the material I literally could not care less what format you use. I can't figure out how canvas works so I'm not giving you due dates, just make sure it's turned in before the grading period ends. your only weekly assignment is a forum post with a minimum of 100 words."
#my favorite teacher so far is still the film history professor I had in my first semester.#he was very old and didn't understand how canvas worked at all and sometimes had trouble opening a video file#but simultaneously he was tech literate enough to recommend we use firefox with an ad blocker#because whenever someone missed class and was like 'where do i go to find the movie' he'd be like 'use an ad blocker and google it'#he said the school made him stop emailing links to free movie sites because people would open them on chrome with no ad block#and there'd be borderline malware on them. like this guy gave me the impression he was like. a veteran movie pirate lol.#that class had barely any assignments. like there wasn't a final exam or anything.#he just wanted us to write a paragraph or so answering a few questions about the movies we watched. it was chill.#and i also learned a lot actually. like i didn't know what a nickelodeon was before then. or the Hays Code.#the movies were genuinely good. i never thought Id be that into old black and white movies or westerns for example but they actually slapped#some of them had really mature themes and i definitely started to understand the people on this website who are like#'if the only media you consume is children's media you should maybe branch out instead of calling steven universe problematic'#because a lot of the movies we watched depicted very 'problematic' things and were able to directly address them because they are for adults#(to clarify I didn't just like kids media before then. i just mean that it introduced me to some older stuff i didn't think I'd like)#(but i ended up liking a lot. it also made me realize that movies made today are kind of shit. which i also already knew)#(but it put it more into perspective because I have more to compare it to)#im rambling now. community college is pretty swag i enjoy it. and i do get along with the teachers who have crazy requirements too lol.
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If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.
#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream#Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name#Brennan literally rolled#and we know she was in Porter’s office#so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it#Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene#Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM#Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP#know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple#Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive#knew her name#Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore#But#Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her#domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain#And idk#A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex#who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life#One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids#and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death#that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it#especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back#especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter#Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna#Please world let me have this I’m on my knees#dimension 20
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oh no somebody I do not want to know about my online presence might have found this account luckily I didn't find anything suspicious in my follower list but oh my god
#nana talks#its literally my dad too I'm not gonna get into the whole lore of why I genuinely don't like him but he's an awful person#I hope nobody has to deal with somebody like that ever not even my worst enemy I'm not kidding#so like I'm hoping he's not stalking this blog#like literally what can he do not like its gonna drive me off of the platform I literally don't care about his opinion of me#but its still unsettling if he is trying to keep track of his adult daughter like this#anyways I don't know if I should reach out to tumblr support because like they probably can't do anything#literally up until I was like 15 he had stuff installed that would let him see everything I do online#eventually that app or something of his shut down and I was free hehe#like this man did and said the most horrendous things under the sun and he's like omg why does nana not want to spend time with him#I don't even care if he's reading this he knows that I don't like him#best thing you can do if you have someone like this in your life is just do whatever you want don't let them bother you that much#eventually they'll realise they can't bother you anymore#like literally for the longest while I thought he would never shut up with the insults directed towards me#but like a couple of months of not caring about it and not talking to him later and he left me alone#so like if anyone reading this can relate I am proof that it does get better my dad is the most stubborn and mean case too#so I promise you it will be okay
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Kusakabe, dear, you're too beautiful to be saying that kind of stuff
#jjk spoilers#All the prettiest characters were brought back from apparent death#Nobara was okay and it's true that when I read the lawyer's and Kusakabe's fights against Sukuna I thought it was being kept vague#but to pull a Nobara with all of them... idk#No one stays dead here except for the people who actually care for the kids and by that I mean 'including Yuuji'#kinda lowkey bitter about it#Don't get me wrong I like the characters and also they're super pretty but idk It makes death feel cheap? And the high stakes kinda fake?#Choso Gojo and Nanami actual only characters who died apparently#Well. Poor Itadori#And Kusukabe goes and runs his mouth that way in front of the kid. He is not entirely wrong but also he very much is#And yes he also says 'don't worry it's not for you to feel guilty over anything you're just kids' but also he did very much say that thing#about it all being Gojo's fault for not killing Itadori. In front of Itadori who feels guilty for that precisely#and in front of Megumi who asked Gojo to spare him and also went through the experience of Sukuna using his body as well#So Kusukabe's reassurance about them just being kids and not to feel guilty falls a bit empty#It does feel in character but man it truly makes one appreciate the way Gojo and Nanami dealt with the kids a lot more haha#Ui Ui seems like a dear#Anyway... this chapter felt a bit lame for the most part for me? I like the idea of the characters discussing the could have/would have#and feeling guilt and helplessness over their choices but the way it was done felt a bit lame and without any real emotional punch#It felt more like an explanation to the reader in an awkward way. And there's a lot of empty chat about guilt and grief#without any of the characters really giving off a grieving air about everything and everyone they've lost#And this is precisely what I felt was going to happen with this manga's writing haha#I truly don't understand this kind of writing choices. Contrary to some other shonen writers this author did seem to have the potential#to write this kind of thing well besides the worldbuilding and powers and fight stuff. It's truly a pity. It so breaks my heart#And still this is considered one of the good shonens. Well. WELL haha#I do think shonen can be good! I just think it falls almost always even when there's potential into bery shallow writing#I don't know. Maybe I should read that one Alchemist manga#I've been repeatedly told that one's good and it does seem like it doesn't do... this. But I find the art style so not to my linking#I wish I had never gotten into JJK for real for real. I absolutely adore it. I always end up frustrated. It could be so good. Genuinely good#And yet it's just okay in a sort of forgettable way. What a pity#Everything good ever is present but it never dares do anything to fully explore what it sets. It just does the typical shonen stuff
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♡ !!
Send ♡ to see what my muse thinks of yours (status — accepting!)
●●●○○ | AESTHETIC ●●●●���(●●●●●) | AFFECTION ●●●●● | INTEREST ●●●●● | LOYALTY ●●●◐○ | TRUST
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#( LETTERS TO US; ASK. )#sorrowfulsidekick#ok. WOW. i have to clarify right now; the only other person whose stats could ever get this high with him is HIS OWN SONIC.#chronos trusts/cares for nobody fully nor will he ever invest himself in any relationship because the prospect of commitment to anyone-#-with an emotional clause tagged to it terrifies and sickens him all at the same time. so the fact that he loves and trusts him THIS MUCH-#-is literally blowing my mind. natural chemistry brought together by abnormal practices leading to the most unorthodox circumstances.#the addition of this relationship into his life has pretty much changed how i (the author) see the good ending as a whole#because now i can't imagine it happening without kitsunami despite him not existing in chronos' world#(AND TRUST ME I'LL FUCKING GET TO THAT)#he would do anything for this kid and i genuinely mean it. he will NOT go home without kit at this point.#chronos may have broken down kit's walls but i don't think kit realizes just how much the same he's done for chronos#kit. literally gave chronos a reason to live. /srs#i could literally go on for HOURS in these tags but i won't.#they are brothers your honor
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Thinks abt how the one person in my family I really relate to and respect settled in her marriage and later wakes up in a cold sweat
#'i mean he's not emotional and open and super loving but he works hard and can provide and i decided that was worth it'#good god.#im really glad that im no longer married to. well. the idea of marriage lol#and a home n kids#like it would be nice if i found my dream person#but i simply cannot afford to settle#my soul cannot handle settling for anything less than my dreams and genuinely if im alone forever than so be it#i can give myself everything i want!#i just could never forgive myself if i settled and god forbid had kids w someone i wasnt 100% sure of#i will not recreate the family i grew up in.#if i do have kids i want them to know their parents are madly in love and happy#and the idea of this dream person is so Fun but also it can just be a dream yk#ive learned a lot thru this and thru talking w more adults abt heartbreak etc and just.#wow.#so many ppl settle cos they're scared of being alone or see it as a failure#and i just cant do that. id rather be single forever than settle i really would#the way ppl live is so fascinating idk#i 💗 old women#my real dream is to be a cool old woman lmao#kdjfhshdhfkglahfk#like im a man now but idk if i'll be an old man its hard to explain
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having a comic idea in my brain but i dont wanna get up and sketch it but i cant write it in the way i want to because i am cursed to think in pictures but i cant. draw it rn.
#OH WELL. i just wanna know what their story mode journal entries would be like and i have some ideas#fish resents the entire concept of being forced to keep some kind of log and mostly uses it to complain about shit. l dear dumb diary#type shit like dear my stupid fucking diary that my stupid fucking boss is making me do. but they do actually do it because they cant bring#themselves to be mean to winston they just do it mad the whole time#they try to bother the boys into showing hir theirs and i think junkrats using his like a sketchbook to do little doodles instead of#actually writing anything and people just let him. maybe he lies and tells mercy he cant read so command just lets him get away w it#in my mind theres a tangential conversation where he has a lot of doodles of sojourn doing cool stuff and fish points out that he knows a#lot about overwatch and hes like yeah? i watched the old broadcasts as a kid. and theyre like ??????? how did you get a fucking tv in the#wasteland. and hes like OH well my mum was real handy where do you think i get my brilliance from. in my mind his mom was a tinkerer and a#fairly compassionate and decent woman who kind of taught him some of the basics before she died sometime when he was a kid/tween#anyways then they notice roadhog is spending a weirdly long time writing his and he wont show it to them so they just fucking wrassle it#away from him. i cant decide the funniest thing to be on there between genuinely journaling with a lot of emotion or hes writing some#shitty original novel or something. like brigs poetry where its just really bad but very earnest.
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i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3
#romantic love i mean#against my will tho bc i want love so bad#but tbh i never feel anything more than awkward when i date 😬#i only feel comfortable with people when there's no romantic pressure idk#would genuinely love to build a platonic life with someone why do i have to be in love to marry someone and have a family w them 😭#love is real im just never going to experience it btw#but i still would like companionship and i really want kids tbh#i dont want to settle for not love in a relationship where thats expected or wanted and the other person loves me#but if it was an entirely platonic no pressure relationship that would be nice#maybe that would grow into love but the pressure of romance right off the bat kills the romance#in need to be close friends for like a decade first#sorry sorry im rambling insane thoughts its 11:30 and i just decided to break up with someone#and he's staying at my home so im even more painfully aware of having another person so deeply involved in my life that they become family#sorry you're not family i dont know anyone but my family well enough to let them be family and i never will please get out of my house#i make no sense but basically i love my family and want kids of my own but i dont want romance in there just platonic family love#romantic love is too hard to find and scary and weird i basically want to live with my actual family and adopt some kids someday sorry#this might change if i met the right person but i would need to be friends with them for a long time with no pressure first#and looking for that person is too forced and weird#anyway#its 11:30 in my 20s a week before valentine's day so naturally i am going insane that's all goodnight
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havent read tbc but i think its so funny how shadowsight seems to be popular to the people i follow just because “the narrative treats him like all the female characters do so hes an honorary girlie”
#and by ''how the narrative treats him'' they mean badly ofc bc apparently everything is blamed on him repeatedly#w no one realizing that he was manipulated and the narrative being retconned just to say hes actually a screwup who was never good#and everything genuinely is his fault bc why else would he listen to an evil cat in starclan#like. damn that really is something theyd do to a female protagonist#also the only ppl ive seen hating on him do it for boring and stupid reasons so im inclined to like him out of spite#bc ''he has an ILLEGAL name in this universe. hes a TIGERDOVE kid. hes a FANFICTION made REAL'' ok well hes the most interesting one. so.#not like anything he actually does in the narrative it seems. plus the other two protags sound boring as hell#''oh im sad i couldnt get w the boy i like. now i love another guy but its forbidden. oh and my leaders possessed ig.''#''SIGH i wish people didnt compare me to my cringe OUTSIDER dad. also i see ghosts and i hate this its cringe''#''also my sister is a legacy name after an important character from the previous arc but who cares''#and then shadowsight is like ''since i was an infant i had excruiciating seizures and visions. i threw myself into a river as a sacrifice#i am suicidal. i got manipulated by an evil man into possessing my great uncle. everyone outwardly wants me dead for it#everyone blames all of their problems on me and expects a lot from me. i got demoted for it. my only support is my close family#and even then they have to suffer the extreme guilt of not being able to help me with literally anything#also the antagonist wants my mom dead for my own existence. i have lost so much#i am literally blamed by god for everything thats happened to be despite being used by them since i was an infant and thats where my story e#ends''#like fuck. yeah he is an honorary girlie to me. i barely know u man but like i support u. cmere be my pet cat#echoed voice
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ive already said this before about how ive felt so disconnected from art. its all just lines and poses and specific distances away from the camera, layers of color... something triggered a switch in my brain that is making things just not feel real anymore.
and its like. ok. whatever. its still fun to draw and i get very happy when i manage to draw something good. but i lack the motivation! so.. lemme think.. ah! my characters! perhaps i should try to actually flesh them out as real people, with a past and personalities and relationships..
and the more i read about it the more disconnected i feel. is that all life is about? traits and backstories and being bound to everything that happened to you.. the ways you think and act being somewhat easily traceable to your history..character arcs. stories just being a means to an end(?)
and i also want a world for my ocs to live in that is a bit believable and justifies them, but every bit of advice and apparently common worldbuilding things have all just been done before.
is there any chance of making something that matters when its all been done before or if everything else feels unreal and abstract. is there a point to anything
#the more i try to understand how things work the more things fall apart. and when it becomes unbearable all i can do is distract myself#is this what the dissociation all the cool kids(/s) keep talking about feels like..?#its like losing the ability to see a tower as a tower and just knowing its all just bricks and cement. you cant see meaning anymore#the worst part ive felt while coming up with ideas for my ocs is the conflicts and past part. their characterization#ill think like lol wouldnt it be funny if he kept being fucked over many times and over and over again. wouldnt that be fun to make and rea#and then it hits me. thats just my life. its all conflict after conflict and things going wrong exactly at the worst (but funniest!) time#its like everything is a joke really. or when its not you still dont know why some pieces of art are 'better' than others#i know deep down it doesnt matter if its been done before. i argue for that. the spin every individual puts on an idea is what makes it >#>worth it of course. but i feel like snapping my own neck when i see something that is similar or just like something i made or >#>was literally just thinking of doing it. i never do anything! and when i finally get to it someone already did it! fucking shoot me alread#or i will look at some drawing and be like ah yes. this is the distance between the eyes. the way they drew the muzzle is like a box. mhm#i can do that. i see how the artist constructed it. its doable! and then i go try and fail miserably despite seemingly knowing how its made#everything i ever think is wrong. ive never been right about anything. or if i have..someone already said it before anyways#genuinely hopeless. i wonder if being mentally ill is the cause of this or if i was ill enough it would all spiral back into making sense#i feel like a baby just coming to the realization that a stick figure isnt really a person but some lines and circles and dots#im deteriorating mentally so fast. i think one day ill just collapse on the floor and black rot is going to pour out of my scalp#long post#dextxt
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