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rainscribe · 3 years ago

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RP Drabble: Letters to Derek

<blockquote>characters: John Egbert (Jade’s universe, Homestuck), Various other characters relationship: John/Derek words: 7,491 location: Monster-au-stuck rating: Mature warnings: mentions of sexual content/desire, some violence mentions, but not delved into, mentions of an age-difference relationship. rough draft, un-betad summary: John goes on a trip to find all the trolls (except 2), and figure out what the hell he’s doing with his life through writing letters to the person his life has centered on for the past months. </blockquote>[[MORE]]<blockquote>june 17dear derek, </blockquote> so. jade said i should write you letters while you were gone and at first i  thought that was really dumb? but then a part of me was like, fuck yeah! i’ve never written a letter before. there was no need to, right? yet i always wanted to! even in middle and high school i would try really hard to get pen pals because that was the only way i could write letters. those never panned out. /: anyway, so i guess i’m just going to tell you how my trips are going! first of all, i haven’t actually traveled out of state yet? i’m on a bus right now heading out, but jade and dave kind of thought i already left to go to far off places. so i told them! hah. (dave kissed me goodbye. it was terrible. you should kiss me when you get back so i remember what good kisses are like.) i get distracted way too much. point is! i met some of the local trolls in this area. and a guy who kind of reminded me of you? but a looooooot younger and clearly has not gone through the same shit as you. and also a guy who was kind of shy but seemed cool. then there was this DOUCHEBAG of a SLEEZE. like seriously he was hitting on me the whoooooollllle time i was at latula’s auto repair shop. she was really cool! she knew karkat, this really funny, shouty troll that’s basically married to ava (you didn’t hear this from me, though!) wait. do you even know about trolls? like this is not the magical supernatural kind of troll. this is the alien kind of troll with candy corn horns and gray skin. eh, i’ll probably inform you about them before you even get this! if i give it to you. i probably should. the mail should always be delivered to its recipient! alright but so there was the douchebag whose name was cronus and he had an unlit cigarette in his mouth? he’s so weird. and he has scars like harry potter but he is such a fraud. i could kick his ass. i would have too! but this guy named horuss (another troll! 0: ) stopped me. and latula. there were like these three trolls around the area of the mechanic shop. and you know how much of a douchebag cronus was? well, he did kind of introduce me to meenah and porrim who are pretty radical people in their own right! he was like, ‘hey john, i bet you want to meet some a grade ladies.’ i kind of rolled my eyes, and reminded him that i was taken! he was just like, ‘that’s ok, that’s ok. these are trolls. i know how all about trolls you are.’ then he takes me out. like to dinner. he literally did. but i couldn’t say no? because he was going to take me to meet some troll ladies. i made sure of that. also, the restaurant he took me to was high grade shit. i feasted that night. and maybe got a little tipsy off of some really bubbly champagne? it was so light, my tongue danced. damn. i really need to remember what it was called? because i want you to try it! afterwards, his friends stumbled upon us, singing and laughing on the street towards their establishment. meenah was mad at me for some reason? i can’t remember but she still let me sleep on her couch. she’s very prickly towards me and then she stuffs my face full of pancakes. it’s hilarious. porrim is a bit more mature? but then she kicks everyone’s ass at mario kart. even latula! it was hilarious. then she and latula

got in a cuddle pile while meenah and cronus hooted before getting kicked out. it was kind of awkward to stick around after that! so i grabbed this bus, and i’m taking it down to las vegas. B) ill tell you all about it! im really more interested about the magic shows than the gambling, although, i’m curious to try my luck. o:love,johnnote: i wonder how good rose would be at gambling? note 2: the champagne was called ca’del bosco cuvee prestige brut, franciacorta for future reference! <hr><blockquote>june 19dear derek, </blockquote> heh i almost wrote deer. deer derek. that would be the exact opposite of what you are. so cute i’d eat you all up. and out. in a sexual innuendo-y way? damn. vegas is... not the best place to go alone? it basically throws it in your face that you’re a loser and alone. there’s strippers in pretty much every gambling house, and it’s like yeah ok that’s nice and all, but my boyfriend is so much hotter and i’d rather see him stripping? not that i stayed and watched. it was... awkward. uh. yeah... the magic shows were really cool, though! although... most of them weren’t reeealyl magic. but that’s the cool thing! theyre pretendin g to be magicians through sligth of hand and like foolin everyone. it’s ridicuoulously funny! i hahaha m laughi n too much. everything is hilarioius. hilarious. hiclarious. shit im too durnk to finsh this. looooovvev you wow that was embarrassing. i actually fell asleep on this letter. i’m so glad i’m not handing this over. this is amazingly embarrassing. las vegas is cool but bring a friend. moral of the story. love,john<hr><blockquote>june 21dear derek,</blockquote> i met kanaya. i feel like that should be a sentence in and of itself. its importance is there on the table for you to take it up, or just let it stay. in this case you’re going to pick it up because kanaya? is so amazing. like you’re amazing, but then kanaya is Amazing. she uses a fucking chainsaw to do like tree designs? she is a lumberjack in disguise as the classiest sith in existence? i feel like rose would have fun trying to figure out how that happened. speaking of rose she’s the one who told me to go meet her? as a favor for jade who knew karkat who is a worry wart. literal worry wart. he is a wart. but kanaya fed me and made me tea and was very nice in general even when i trolled her and she had nooooo clue! i pranked her. i know it was wrong. it’s bad manners to prank someone in their own house! but she was asking for it, derek! she was so... so... like okay she is sassy. the SASSIEST. but then she like stands so upright and makes you feel like you’re wearing a potato sack. which i would look amazing in. kanaya is just jealous that i can make a potato sack look good! >:) i just HAD to prank her. and when the bucket landed on her head... she blushed SO HARD. i took a picture. i sent it to karkat. his reaction was JUST AS HILARIOUS. like look at this shit: Karkat: JOHN. I’M GOING TO POLITELY ASK YOU TO FUCKING BLOCK ME FROM YOUR PHONE. FOREVER. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. he actually blocked me! i can’t believe it!! rude!!! <hr><blockquote>june 23dear derek,</blockquote> i’m in texas!! i feel like i had to write you a special letter from this special state that you were in for like... twenty years? nineteen? i’m not even sure how long you were here for. anyway, so karkat finally unblocked me. long enough to school me in why it was rude to send bucket pictures of someone he regards as a friend (and maybe more?? he didn’t make it very clear.) to him. i guess it threw him in such a good yelling spree that ava says i’m banned from their house. :( i’m waiting at the airport right now. my flight should be here in a bit. i’m going to florida because that’s where the zombie apocalypse is going to start and i need to know the layout of the land, but

it’s kind of boring here. annnnd i may be in a grumpy mood because all of these people meeting and hugging is making me irritated. maybe it’s because i know i probably won’t get a similar greeting from you? that’s gross, i know. ew, john, pda. besides, jade and dave will greet me. maybe i’ll kiss dave. show him how a kiss should really be! not in front of willow, though. the poor child. we must protect her from the pda. my flight isn’t for another hour, and i’m so bored. i don’t even have anything interesting to write about except that i’m in texas. maybe i’ll draw you something? [insert badly drawn art of a wolf] hahaha that fucking sucks. sweet bro and hella woof. [new drawing of sweet bro on a hella jeff wolf] look at this fucking amazing drawing. it should be in l’ouvre. right? right? ... what... the fuck... WHAT THE FUCK, DEREK. HOW DID DAVE’S SHITTY WEBCOMIC TURN INTO A MOVIE. I WAS JUST LAUGHING ABOUT THIS, AND I LOOK UP AND THERE’S SHITTY JPEG PIXELATION OF SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF ON A BILLBOARD. how did his webcomic make it to this world??? IS YOUR LIL BRO RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SHIT?? what the hell. what has come over the world that they would pay twenty bucks to see his webcomic come to life. holy shit. oh. well... that was an interesting way of wasting an hour. i’ll talk to you later.love you, john<hr><blockquote>june 24dear derek, </blockquote> FLORIDA IS TERRIBLE AND AMAZING ALL AT ONCE. seriously, though? fuck florida. i’m pretty sure everyone i met is secretly a crocodile. especially this toothy detective i stumbled upon. quite literally. i was just minding my own business being a tourist and she comes over like you just committed a crime! and i said what? because i’m pretty sure i wasn’t even JAYWALKING. and she said that she was pretty sure loitering around like a bumbling dunce was a crime in her jurisdiction and i said well if that’s the case then you should arrest yourself! (ooooooo!) she laughed. swallowed her donut. (whole! the whole fucking thing. i am not even lying. you can see it in action yourself!) then went to her police car, which was actually being driven by someone else. she’s blind, you see! which makes no sense on how she would know i was loitering! here i was hoping florida would be nice. :( but i guess it’s true. all floridians are secretly crocodiles. love, john<hr><blockquote>june 25dear derek, </blockquote> terezi pyrope is terrible. utterly. terrible. you know what the first thing she said to me was? like after the whole loitering business in the previous letter. she said, “ew, smells like dog.” and then she pinched her nose. like seriously? how rude! i mean, at that point she kind of knew i was a werewolf. see. she, well, she... alright! she fucking caught me naked, and was like that’s illegal and profane, get in the car. cause i guess she’s a cop detective. whatever. see what happened was... i didn’t have a hotel to sleep in? and i was like no big deal! i can live in the great outdoors in fucking florida and be fine! that was SUCH a stupid idea, derek, you have NO idea. first off, let me repeat myself. FLORIDA IS TERRIBLE. there’s CROCODILES, and SNAKES, and all sorts of evil things. why i thought it would fun sleeping outside instead of in a hotel, i don’t know, but i won’t make THAT mistake again. and you know what i did that was even worse than that? i shifted. i took off my clothes and shifted. when i woke up in the morning, i was butt naked and terezi fucking pyrope had my clothes held hostage. she was in jogging clothes then so i guess she was taking a morning hike in the park, and she spied me. then she waited until i woke up, and made the comment about how i smelled like dog, and that i was violating public decency laws!!! she almost threw me in jail. :( your boyfriend is a criminal, i am so sorry,

derek. but i got her back! for the smell comment, i mean. i was like well you smell like a bug so that must mean you’re a troll! she laughed, and took me to out to eat after giving me back my clothes. i got her up to date on what happened with karkat, and she asked about the guy whose glamour i had? i couldn’t really tell her much about that, though. just that karkat gave it to me, and that had her frowning. like she was concerned or something. beats me! she made some unnecessary rude faces at me, too. but i eventually convinced her to move to seattle because i’m awesome. and she told me that there was a troll up in canada that i should find? (i’m on a plane heading up there now!) she chuckled evilly, so i’m not sure if i trust her or what. also i’m actually not sure what bugs smell like? but that’s what trolls smell like. why does your universe have so many bug humanoids? even my alt is part bug. which is kind of weird! because i can’t imagine myself being a fairy. although, the fact that he’s a lightning bug is pretty cool. they’re charming bugs. if i had to pick a bug, i’d pick that. but it’s still weird! and i kind of wonder what dave’s bro was like in my universe! if i would have liked him like i love you. but from what dave has said, he kind of sounds like a total dick, and in the worst of ways, despite the way dave tries to make it SOUND positive. like i understand that he doesn’t want his guardian to sound terrible, and wants to treasure the memory, but he kind of is terrible! and abusive. and manipulative. (i don’t think i could love that kind of person.) but your dave said that he was getting some memories from my dave, so i wonder if you’re getting memories from his bro? i hope not. you’re supposed to be going through therapy to help you with your control. not needing more therapy to help sort out any fucked up memories that might have you confusing your own experiences. especially with dave. because i know that argument really had you questioning how you treated him! but i trust that you aren’t as bad as his bro. i know you’re not. honestly, though, sometimes i wonder why my dad lived while Rose, Jade, and Dave all lost their guardians and had to go through some sort of social services. like! i know i was adopted, too, but it happened when i was really young so i barely remember anything. when rose’s mom died, rose lived by herself, and actually did well maintaining the lie that her mom hadn’t died really well until she came to school drunk once. they found out everything then, and forced her to stay in social services until they found a good family (impossible when she was fifteen and no one wanted to adopt a kid that old), or until she was eighteen, and they couldn’t keep her. then you have dave who went through a couple of terrible people, and decided, fuck it, and escaped. of course, he ended up in a gang. jade said she ended up getting emancipated from the system. but that was after going through a couple of people, and being able to live off her inheritance. huh, rose received an inheritance, too. i wonder why dave didn’t? anyway. this letter has gotten kind of long and rambly, so i guess i’m going to cut it off here. the plane is landing soon in new york too. after that i will be in the country of the ‘eh!’ also, maple syrup. i should buy some and mail it to the house! yeah! we’ll make pancakes when we’re both home! see you later!love,john<hr><blockquote>june 28dear derek, </blockquote> man! new york is so cool! i went and saw the statue of liberty, and went up in the empire state building. it’s amazing! i was so high up!! i wish i could fly. it would be sooo cool. why aren’t there any flying werewolves? even dave can fucking levitate, but you don’t see him doing it that often! it’s a waste of being able to levitate! :( but!! i did see a magic show, and people did some moves through the air. they were attached to a

cord, i think?? (unless they were supernatural! O: ) and yeah they did some neat things. i want to do neat things like that. like fake flying. fake magic. i wouldn’t mind any of it at all. although real flying would be better than fake flying. oh, and there were a couple of other places i stopped by?? i actually decided to take a bus from new york to canada because i wanted to see niagra falls! it was being advertised as one of the biggest falls in the u.s.? even though it’s really not that big. they’re just long! but it was really cool. i even got to go behind the falls and got a rinky dink yellow rain jacket for my time. there were a lot of people getting married there, too. or proposing. i guess it’s a really attractive place to proclaim your love to someone? huge ass waterfalls in the background and a diamond ring to tell you i will love you for as long as the waterfalls remain. i wonder what would happen if the falls collapsed. would their love vanish? would their hearts break? this is why you can’t rely on physical things for love. not even the stars last forever. jupiter might, though. didn’t shakespeare do a sonnet about love? do i compare thee to a evening something or other. shakespeare died but his sonnets (and plays) will last forever. i don’t think i’ll be able to write something so powerfully gay to you, so i won’t. because i can’t write. i’ll leave that up to rose.love,johnp.s. don’t ask rose a general question like, did shakespeare write sonnets because she will chew your head off and read all of his sonnets to you.<hr><blockquote>june 30dear derek,</blockquote> i don’t... canada... ... i... words are escaping me. like tavros. TAVROS. is just as bad as terezi. he is terribad. but in this nerdy way that drives me up the wall. no wonder terezi was smiling evilly!! between her and tavros i’m at my wits end with these trolls!!! at least terezi was willing to move to washington. tavros was like ...hahaha... that sounds interesting but if you’re gathering up all the trolls, then i think not. and he goes back to playing the troll equivalent of poKEMON!!! and when i said that humans came up with pokemon first, he was all, trolls have been around longer than you have, so i’m pretty sure we came up with it first. i just can’t believe him! i’m so fucking glad i’m leaving canada!! john<hr><blockquote>july 2dear derek,</blockquote> i stopped by... well. your house as i was passing through on my way to hawaii! well technically, i’m on my way to japan. but i’m going to hawaii first! it’s going to be awesome! but i saw jade, dave, and willow on my way through, and it looks like they’re all doing fine! willow already has a tooth cut through and she’s looking really adorable. she has a lot more hair now. and her eyes have set on taking after dave’s. it’s about time some features of his started showing through. the harleybert genes are strong. B) i missed being there surprisingly! your bed still smelled like you. it is pretty big. hard to get all of your manly smell out of it no matter how hard i rolled around in it and tried to cover it up with my manly smells. :) it was actually difficult to leave! for like a day. then rose was like, john you must be in japan at this certain spot when the aligns to meet the next trolls, and i was like ok, cool! japan seems awesome. this seemed important! see, what i’ve kind of been doing with this trip is getting an idea of where all the trolls are at. they don’t necessarily have to move to washington (and if they do decide to do that, we’re having them live with mom!), but we’d kind of like to know a more specific location on where they’re all at. and maybe get updated contact information, lol. i think rose is even creating a group facebook so we can all keep in contact! which is a pretty fucking good idea. oh, and jim john is also working on it, too. so is

the other rose? they’re all very good at the whole predict-y thing. i don’t even know sometimes. they just tell me where to go, and i go. that’s all. not too much excitement going on right now, though! so i’ll talk to you later. after hawaii B)love,johnp.s. i’ll make sure i take a hot picture for you! B) <hr><blockquote>[Postcard with the Hawaiian islands on the side. Attached with a paperclip is a picture of john in regular clothes by a volcano. fireworks are going off in the background.]july 4derek! </blockquote>hawaii is fantastic! wish you were here! i hope you enjoy the super hot pic! xoxoxo<hr><blockquote>july 9dear derek,</blockquote> hey! i’m in japan right now! i am extremely sadden that there’s no anime japan. i was seriously thinking i’d see totoro here!! i’m so disappointed. heh, just kidding. but japan sure is different than what i expected. i dunno. i guess it’s just the language barrier that got to me? that oh i really am out of my country feel. it’s a good thing we didn’t go here first, or you would have worst off. cars are backwards AND a different language you can barely understand? it would have been bad, pfff. it’s still really amazing, though! i went to tokyo tower, and saw some of the sights. i ate ramen in a ramen booth and felt like naruto for a minute. that’s where i met rufioh! he’s a pretty chill dude. doesn’t seem to have much backbone, but i liked him. and damara! i liked her, too. she seemed pretty nice despite the illegal amounts of weed she smoked. is weed illegal in japan? i don’t know. but yeah she DEFINITELY did not want to come back. when i even suggested it, she gave me the vilest look, and if it weren’t for rufioh, she’d have... well. done really bad things to me! there was a summer festival going on, and i didn’t have a kimono, but i got to join in. damara looked really pretty in a kimono! she took it off shortly after it started and i think some people were kind of scandalized. not because she was naked, but i guess you’re supposed to look kind of nice for these festivals? and she was definitely wearing a very short school girl outfit with her midriff showing. she seemed pretty happy, though. i kind of feel really sympathetic towards her? for some reason? anyway, they let me stay for a little while, and showed me some of the other neat things about tokyo. it was nice. i liked learning about the tokyo you don’t often see about in anime. i feel like you would enjoy japan if you became more comfortable with traveling? i even bought you a shitty samurai sword, and shipped it back home. love,johnp.s. don’t tell my dad, but i tried the weed.<hr><blockquote>july 12dear derek,</blockquote> hey! i’m going to be doing a lot of traveling between here (tibet) to maybe europe? yeah. there’s just a lot of take-offs and landings that’ll be happening and shit gets boring, y’know? i have a long flight from here to california, though, so i’m hunkering in for a nice little ride. i hadn’t even considered that i could have been asking for first class tickets. sometimes it startles me that jade has SO much money that we could just... not even pay attention to what we’re buying and just buy a fuckton of stuff that’s like hundreds of thousands of dollars, or more! we could buy a fucking island and we wouldn’t even notice that it took a nice skim off the bulk of her money. one thing jade told me was that even for as much money they have, we’re still accumulating money, too? from the investments and stocks that were purchased, too. like her grandpa had a really good mind to money! also i think she’s taking an interest in checking on what companies we have stocks in, and seeing what we can do to change those companies for the better. she’s always thinking about the future and about what can be done better. it’s amazing. sometimes i wish i had about a sixth of the motivation she has. i haven’t really felt

like there was anything for me to do. i feel like i’ve been so GROUNDED that i don’t have any room to go forward or that there was anything i wanted to do. i guess... i feel like i’m stagnating. i’m not flowing or moving or learning or... growing? as a person. as a werewolf? i’m just growing duller and more inactive everyday and it’s driving me up the wall! it’s funny because i have been traveling, but the more i’ve been traveling, the more i feel like i’m not getting anywhere. ... i saw kankri yesterday? i guess he’s related to karkat in some way, but i don’t know. he’s definitely not how i pictured a relative of karkat’s acting? other than the never shutting up part. he turned down the whole move to washington thing, but told me that i should go to niger. so that’s where i’m going now. i’m tired. goodnight,john<hr><blockquote>july 18dear derek,</blockquote> hey. sorry i haven’t been writing. like i said... there were a lot of planes to change, and i mostly slept on my flights. i saw terezi again for a little while. crashed on her couch between a flight from california and a flight to morocco. she said she hoped i liked nepeta and that she’d chew my head off, hopefully. she was packing up, too, and showed me some younger pictures of glamoured, and unglamoured karkat. it was cute. i sent the pictures to ava who was more than happy to receive them, but karkat banned me from the house, so i’ve officially been banned by both members of that household. i feel sort of accomplished with that. after terezi’s, i went to morocco, which is absolutely gorgeous. the architecture and colors are divine. the market is really fun. i haggled with a couple of vendors, and manage to get some souvenirs shipped back, too. i make really good investments! nepeta was as cute and dangerous as terezi deemed her to be. she’s a werelion? but she only shifts when leo is in the sky. she can’t shift during any other time frame. she had fun hunting me down. i thought i was being fucking stalked by a literal lion, not a fake shifter lion (don’t tell her i said that, she’ll chew my head off). you’ll get to meet her. she said she was interested, and after i gave her some money for an airplane, she decided to head that way. then i went to egypt. i saw the pyramids, and didn’t get too taken advantage of. (who am i kidding. they took complete advantage. i can’t hide the fact that i’m an american tourist no matter how dark my skin is. i honestly don’t even mind that much, although i’m pretty sure they thought i was as dull as a rock.) they really like tea in egypt, too? which is kind of surprising, but it shouldn’t be. like basically anything non-western is all over tea, and westerners are all over coffee. pretty funny, considering how tea is supposed to be better for you anyway. egypt is hooooooooot, too. not hot like texas hot which is also kind of a wet and humid hot that makes you feel like you’re suffocating, but a heat that’s just really hot. which... is really weird to say. it doesn’t make you sticky, just sweat a lot. i can kind of understand why they wear a lot of clothes now! the clothes contain the coolness of your body in the heat, and also keep the sun off you. which is really good! but i didn’t stay in egypt for too long. i went to greece next, because nepeta asked me to check in on someone very impurrtant to her. he worked at a museum in greece which, yknow, showcased the greek statues and shit. at first, he didn’t seem all that interested, especially when i didn’t show proper respect to the relics of the ancient world. (which is funny because under his breath he’d mutter about how even what we considered to be great achievements for humans, they had very little on alternian achievements, especially in the fine arts.) yet, the moment i mentioned nepeta’s name he fucking clams up, and is like oh great master egbert what can i do for you? if only you’ll tell me where she’s at. so i told

him she was in washington, and i saw him run off to his work office to put in his two weeks, or tell them he was quitting or something. i don’t know. i kind of didn’t care at that point? i was just glad that it was taken care of. so that’s what i was up to until now, basically. it’s all been rather boring despite the sites. i’ve taken to couch hopping, and whenever someone tells me i should go somewhere, i just go? because what else am i going to do? i haven’t really heard anything from home, so i guess this will work for now. there’s a beer festival or something happening in germany tomorrow. i’m in austria right now, but i think i’ll stop by and see if anything catches my interest. love,john <hr><blockquote>july 20dear derek,</blockquote> heheheeeee i’mmmmm drunk agian. i met thsi girl trlol named vriask and we haad a fight! but with abeet bert. beer. tryin ta out do each other ykonw? and now i’m crasshed at her uh place? car? i dunno what it is. too big ta be a car??? i’m so confusde. anway dont matter. what mATTERS is the iMPORTANT things in lief. and how much i lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vv vv ve ya. is that enogh v? i think so. viraks was tellin me abutt how she lovd the tavroos guy. idk why he sucKS but like shhe did? idk toot drunk to make out waht shes talkin’ about but it was funny. i think? i think everything is funny right now. except how fukcing turned on i am and how ur not here. i mayb cry bc your not here to help my bonr. but not really. just cry cause im lonely which is wierd. casue brskira is here yknow? id kiss you allllllllll over and jsut touch. idonteven want ta get off. nah thats a lie i toets do.hahaha vriska just belched gdo shes hialarioous. <hr><blockquote>july 28, 4pmdear derek,</blockquote> it feels weird not writing to you for so long! i’ve kind of been busy. and vriska won’t let me write to you when i’m drunk! (thank goodness, to be honest.) i thought i was going to be so bored in europe, but i’m like the exact opposite! it’s great. and a lot of that has to do with vriska. she has all these irons in the fire, and she asks for my input too, but i’ve kind of been traveling with her. she’s been helping me out a lot, too! she said i looked utterly pitiable and that i should be lucky that she’s going out of her way to help me. i know that sounds kind of mean, but vriska has such a personality that it’s hard for her to be nice to anyone if it doesn’t look like she’s gaining something out of it. it’s funny how hard she tries to make it look like she doesn’t care. we’ve been to so many places, derek, it’s hard to believe. europe is pretty. it’s done a lot of recovery since world war ii but you can see where it’s still affected some areas. we mostly avoided those areas. vriska said they were lame. so! we went and visited a lot of neat places. mostly breweries. vriska really likes beer for some reason? even in italy she just wanted to go to the wine houses! which was fine because while she was at the wine houses, i went to venice. i really wish you could see venice some day. it’s beautiful. there’s canals everywhere, and statues of different beings. i would have thought with it being such a magical looking place, there would be a lot of supes there? but it felt... static... of any magic. there was nothing really supernatural about it. i guess that’s because when people go there, they’re ready to believe anything. even if it doesn’t fit in with their world. we watched a bunch of wrestlers in rome. vriska gambled on a bunch of different teams, and won us a lot of loot. she didn’t seem happy when she learned that i was only bumming it around because i was bored, and not that i was actually broke. she got mad? like the money she made wasn’t important i guess. but i told her any money was good money, and that it technically wasn’t my money, and she got over it. she’s a prideful troll! oddly

enough, she’s been helping me with the whole stagnated feeling, though? keeping her in check is a lot more interesting! but i get the feeling that i’m just passing on the whole complete focus thing from you to someone else. (not like that, though. i don’t find vriska attractive in those regards!) but like in paris, we went shopping, and we splurged a little (sorry, jade!), then i went and did a little magic show to these kids outside with vriska and it was just?? really great?! i missed doing slight of hand. i made so many kids smile, even adults! it was unreal. then we went out and got some balloons and just aired up hundreds of them with helium before letting them go. i think france kind of hates us, now! they didn’t really like what we did. afterwards, we went out into the country where they were doing an air ballon show, and we actually got to ride in them! it was really great. right now, we’re heading to spain. she says she wants to take some pictures of bulls for tavros, and i’m pretty sure i understand where she’s going with that. (tavros has bull horns.) it’s pretty mean, but he’s also a douche so i can’t help wanting to do it, too. i think vriska was more than a douche to tavros, though, so i’ll let her take the pics, then delete the images when she gets drunk off her victory later. rose called and told me i need to go to england soon! so i’ll probably do that, but when i told vriska that, she made a face. she has absolutely no interest in leaving the continental europe, so i don’t know if i’ll see her in washington or not! i hope so. i really like hanging out with her. there’s only a few more trolls to get information from, though, so i’ll hopefully be home soon! i miss you, and i can’t wait to see you when i get back. although, i’m thinking i’m going to have to find more to do than just... did i ever tell you why i started traveling? shit! can’t tell you right now. tell you later. <hr><blockquote>july 28, 11pm</blockquote> sorry about that! our ride was about to leave, and we just got to our dinky hotel room. it’s so small! there’s two single sized beds, and like barely a closet of a bathroom. vriska chooses the worst places to stay. i think she either goes to the richest, most luxurious place she can find, or the scummiest. there is no in-between with her. but! we’re really close to the bull ring, and that’s a bonus. anyway, so. why i even did this thing. hell, you might learn before i even hand this wad of papers over. (still debating on that! especially the drunk ones. man, i don’t know if i was just lonely, or if i wanted to write some thirteen year olds smut fantasy... but... yeah. if i were writing smut, i’d probably mention something about your rippling abs. c; ) wow. i really don’t want to tell you this. so i’m going to do it, anyway. what happened, was that in my boredom, i found out some rumors that this one house outside the city was haunted, and so i decided to go to see if i could find anything. with jade. honestly, i’m starting to feel really bad about this because it was the night dave proposed and everything. like they had sex in the living room. with fancy cushions and marshmallow creme... i... don’t even want to know where they put the creme at holy shit. (we should do that...) so jade and i went out to investigate the haunted house and some kids were there, too. i think they were about fifteen or sixteen? maybe older, and well. when the paranormal stuff really started happening, i.. tried to scare them out, so i could face the ghost. by myself. or with jade. i just wanted to do. so the ghost got pissed off at me. because that was its job. not mine. and i ended up channeling some werewolf hunting instinct. jade had to cover for me, and thank goodness for the ghost because it stopped me from doing anything really bad. i know, i know, you’re going to berate and get onto me, and shit. DAVE

already did that, though, so you’re covered. please don’t berate me. the age thing will just make it weird. i wish it wouldn’t, but that’s... really the worst thing about the differences in our age! sometimes it feels like you’re lecturing me like i’m a naughty child when... i’m supposed to be your partner. /: i try not to let it get to me cause i know you don’t want it to come off this way! i can only hope the older i get the less weird it seems, but i don’t know if that’s going to be possible? i love you, either way, you massive nerd. anyway, vriska is nagging at me, and saying that it’s time for bed so we can go and take... blackmail? pics tomorrow. i don’t know how it’s blackmail when the content has nothing to do with the person, but instead in degrading way? i think she has that wrong, but she’s getting in her i don’t care, mr. grammar. excuse you, it’s not mr. grammar, but ms. grammar, and that’s rose! d: love, john<hr><blockquote>august 2dear derek,</blockquote> holy shit is vriska’s... relative... annoying. she’s like kankri, but at least some of what she has to say is informative? she kind of explained how the aliens got here, anyway. all like, our world was destroyed, and a massive amount of trolls had no where to go, our empire was dying, so our empress found this happy little earth planet, and decided to move in. if you can’t tell, i’m writing this as she’s talking. she thinks i’m taking notes. sike! i’m writing to my boyfriend under the teacher’s nose. :P it was actually interesting until she started talking about romance? i guess trolls have like four different kinds of romance. and i’m just like, oh yeah, that’s great. somehow it’s supposed to be better than ours, but i don’t really think it is. or maybe it’s just like people who want labels for everything? a better way to describe what it is you’re feeling? i don’t think i’m very interested in labeling what i am. i love and am attracted to you, but i also find ladies lovely and attractive, so i guess that technically makes me bi, but i’d rather just be john, and not have a bunch of labels stuck to me. i guess i can understand how other’s find them useful. some people like taking all sorts of online quizzes to put themselves in these little boxes! but i’d rather just go with the flow and be whoever i want to be instead of trying to pin it down to one thing! except if i were to ever be labeled as a wizard. i would OWN that. dammit. i better pay attention and find a spot where i can escape at so that aranea doesn’t keep me here for a month. i’m going to scotland, then ireland! last stop is iceland. 8) love,john<hr><blockquote>august 6dear derek,</blockquote> i think this will be my last letter! i’m on a plane heading home, thank goodness. i think vriska would have liked scotland and ireland more than me. i wonder why she was so anxious to not go with me the rest of the way? maybe she didn’t want to meet her relative? yeah, i’m like 99% sure that was definitely the case. hehehe i got in a brawl with a scottish dude at the pub, and afterwards we exchanged numbers and addresses when i told him that i had been writing letters during the trip. (he’s a werewolf too! it was SO cool. i wish i had gotten up to scotland sooner cause then we could have gone out on the full moon together, but he said it was probably for the best! he might have gotten too territorial to notice that i was a friendly werewolf. ... i’m trying to pull thoughts together, but i’m really tired. hold on... annnnd back. i just needed a nap. :) so scotland was a ton of fun! as was ireland! i got on a bus tour kind of thing? and basically, wow. ireland is like those covers you see on older romance novels (i saw them at karkat’s house!) where it was historical and shit, and there are lovely irish lasses who are taken in by i... don’t know. guys. dudes. (dudes with rippling abs. (; ) just to note, karkat may

have read one of them out loud to me. i may not have been listening in the entirety. then there was iceland, which was so relaxing. i went to one of the hot springs. i felt so clean and rejuvenated after that when i met nepeta’s relative, i wasn’t even weirded out by how she somehow managed to use her phone to gif at me as part of her sign language. i think i understood the hand motions better than what the gifs were supposed to represent? she asked about my love life, and was really bummed when i told her i was taken. and then she somehow was under the impression that i still needed other people? that was when the whole four romance thing clicked, and i was like shit. she’s going to try and get me hooked up in the other romances. i managed to get her side tracked by asking about her favorite ships, and her tumblr, and yoinked a phone number. i think it’ll be easier communicating to her on tumblr, to be honest. she and aranea didn’t seem all that interested in coming along, though, which is fine by me. the more those two plus kankri stay away, the happier everyone except maybe rose will be. i’m really excited just to come home! i can’t wait to lay in bed, and just... sleep for a couple of days. maybe you’ll be there? i kind of hope not in a way, i think i need to sleep for forty-eight hours at home in order to feel ready to talk to you. i’m acting like something happened between us? but i guess nothing really did. maybe i’m just still bummed that you left without saying goodbye? although, i get why you did it. either way, it’ll be good to be home, and i hope therapy is helping you out. love,john

#monsteraustuck;#rp jon egbert;#more than 5000;#rating: M;#derekjon;#roleplay;#complete;

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