#he won’t miss a damn thing lmao

[carlyleandco]

I’m on episode 64 and let me tell you I screeched when I saw Gu Tingye step into the main hall behind Minglan to defend her

Also shoutout to Changbai’s wife

[redwing4life]

Home Cooked Meal

CHAPTER 4 | ASHES TO EMBERS

can be read as a stand alone :)

PAIRING: Firefighter!Neighbour!Bucky x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Smut (finally) - dirty talk, pet names, oral f and m receiving, fingering, tit play, praise kink, hand kink?, ball play, hair pulling, unprotected PinV sex, aftercare, reader and bucky have dinner, swearing, fluff, let me know if i missed anything!

SUMMARY: You surprise Bucky with a home cooked meal after his shift, and it’s the best damn thing he’s had in years. The pasta was pretty good too.

WORD COUNT: 10550 (ngl i rechecked this three times cuz i didn’t think i wrote this much but turns out i did in fact write over 10k words im sorry lmao)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER // NEXT CHAPTER

Call me when you get home x

Your text still sits on Bucky’s lock screen, read but not opened, as he gets changed out of his work clothes.

It’s fair to say that the message intrigued him when he first read it half an hour ago, just before he left the firehouse. His legs sped up your building stairwell faster than normal, desperate to find out why you’re awaiting his call.

Knowing you would have said so if you were in immediate danger, Bucky sifts through the multitude of possibilities that await him on the other side of the ring tone; none of which ease the butterflies in his stomach.

He walks to his kitchen, phone in hand, to get a glass of orange juice. Pulling up your contact page, he presses ‘call’ and grabs the carton of juice from the fridge door.

You answer after just one ring, eager to hear his voice.

“Hey, Barnes!” God, Bucky loves your voice.

“Doll.” His voice is soft, tone rising at the end with curiosity. “You asked me to call, what’s up?”

The firefighter swoons at the adorable giggle you let out, the sound distant from the mic as though you’ve tried to hide it. “I was worried you didn’t see my text.” You admit.

Bucky pictures you biting your lip anxiously, an accurate prediction for your current state.

“What are you doing right now?”

Glancing down at the yet-to-be-filled glass in front of him, Bucky leans a hand against the kitchen island. “Just about to get a drink, what are-“

“Don’t!” You cut in. “Don’t get a drink, I need you to come over.”

“What, now? What’s wrong?”

“Nothings wrong, James. Just come knock, okay? I’ll see you in a minute!”

And with that, the call cuts off with a dull beep; Bucky brings the phone down from his ear and stares at it in confusion. You’re being weird, never having hung up on him like that before.

Alpine meows from above the fridge, drawing her owner’s attention away from the phone, only to tilt her head at him.

Even Alps is confused.

Deciding to just do what you told, Bucky slips his phone into the pocket of his dark jeans, returns the orange juice to the fridge and sets off for the front door. He finds himself checking over his appearance in the entry way mirror, eyes scanning over his outfit before he smooths out his hair.

Although he won’t admit it, Bucky’s spent a lot more time in front of that mirror lately; checking his collar isn’t twisted, his hair isn’t too messy and there’s nothing stuck in his teeth. The need to look good, to look good for you, hasn’t gone unnoticed by his colleagues.

He considers using the spare key you gave him and letting himself into your apartment but shakes the thought away.

She asked you to knock, Bucky. Not break in.

With one final nod in the mirror, Bucky leaves his apartment, stepping into the hallway he’s spent so many mornings and nights in with you.

Old jazz music greets his ears when he approaches your door, the soft melody sneaking through the cracks of the door frame. Bucky smiles to himself at the thought of you dancing in your kitchen, heart warming when he notices your humming.

Knocking thrice, the firefighter steps back and nervously stuffs his hands into his pockets. You always make him nervous, those darn butterflies stirring in his stomach whenever he’s about to see you. And when he does see you. Actually, they’re there even when he imagines seeing you.

He takes a breath when he hears you shuffling up to the door, but nothing could prepare him for the sight when it swings open.

Rusty red fabric flows from your neckline to the middle of your thighs, small flowers dotted over the slightly orange colour. Two thin straps perched on your shoulders leave plenty of skin on show as your usual sun-pendant necklace sits between the v-neck of your dress. Which, by the way, perfectly presents the soft swell of your breasts.

It takes everything Bucky has to not drool at his breathtaking neighbour, but it takes even more to not dive on you and finally taste those pink lips.

Your skin is ablaze beneath his eyes and you revel in his reaction, the exact response you wanted when you pulled on the dress two hours ago.

“We’re matching.” You grin, taking a moment to enjoy Bucky’s red henley.

“It’s almost like we planned it.” A chuckle escapes him, eyes trailing up from your thighs to meet yours.

“Speaking of plans,” You reach out to pull Bucky closer, tugging his forearms until he pulls his hands out of his pockets, “I have a surprise for you.”

Is it letting me look at you in that dress all evening? Your neighbour thinks - hopes - as you lead him into your apartment.

Closing the door behind him, you take his hand in yours once more to guide him to your little kitchen/diner area. If you weren’t looking ahead, you’d see Bucky’s cheeks flushed pink at your touch. Seeing your hand encompassed with his own will never fail to drive him crazy.

When he eventually looks up from your joined hands, he’s stunned to a halt. You turn back to him when you feel him plant his feet and your features twist into a nervous expression.

“I- Doll, what is all this?” The firefighters eyes are wide at your ‘surprise’.

Your small dining table is set up for two; cream place mats lay beneath charcoal gray pasta dishes with wine glasses sitting at their corners. There’s even a little vase with pink and yellow tulips in between the two spaces.

“Well, remember that time when you told me you haven’t had a proper home cooked meal in years?” You watch Bucky closely as you speak, waiting for some sign of approval.

“You mean this morning?” He turns to you in wonder, thinking back to your conversation as he gave you a lift to the cafe. “I don’t know what to say, doll.”

You roll back on your heels, hands scrunching your dress at your sides. “Is it okay? I know it’s a little cheesy and it’s last minute but I thought it would be a nice surprise for you after working all day. I mean, it’s not exactly at your home but it’s pretty cl-“

Bucky takes two long strides towards you and brings his hands to cup your cheeks; your words die on your tongue when he looks down at you with tender eyes.

“It’s perfect, Y/n.” He smiles, stroking his thumb over your cheek bone. “You could feed me Alpine’s food and i’d still bow at your feet, sweets.”

Now you’re the one blushing. You heart skips when Bucky’s eyes drop to your lips with hunger in his gaze.

“Always so good to me, aren’t ya?” His words tempt a whimper from deep within you, a submissive whine held back by the last of your restraint.

“Well-“

The oven beeps, its sharp tone darting between your bodies and making you step back from Bucky’s hold.

“Uhh” Your mind is all over the place as the firefighter watches you with amusement, “I- I should, I mean- the pasta must be-“

“Go, doll.” Bucky shakes his head laughing quietly.

Your dress sways as you spin away to the stove, stirring various pots and tidying up the counters. Your neighbour watches you in awe, unashamedly enjoying the view; you just look so goddamn sexy in that cute little dress while you cook for him. He wishes he could come home to this every night.

“You need a hand with anything, doll?” Bucky’s voice sounds from behind you.

“Actually, yeah!” You glance over your shoulder. “Come here.”

If you keep bossing him about, Bucky’s gonna struggle not to tear that sweet little sundress right off you.

Settling in at your side, Bucky cocks his head. “What d’ya need?”

You scoop some of the creamy tomato sauce onto a spoon and bring it to Bucky’s lips. “Try this for me.”

With bated breath, you watch his full lips wrap around the end of the spoon, his eyes bearing into yours as he drags the sauce into his mouth.

Bucky has no business looking as dirty as he does in this moment; you watch his adam’s apple bob as he swallows before his tongue juts out to catch a few missed drops. And just when you thought your panties would survive the sight, a moan ripples from his throat and you clench around nothing at the sound.

“Good?” You murmur, hoping he doesn’t notice when you cross your legs.

He notices.

“Delicious,” Bucky takes the spoon from your hand and stretches across you to place it back in the pan, his right hand brushing against the small of your back, “you did great, sweets.”

Fuck. Me.

You regather your composure and ask Bucky to get the wine from the fridge. He pours you both a glass, setting them back on the dining table gently before returning the bottle to its home.

“Hey, could you bring the bowls over, please?” You call over your shoulder.

You plate up the sauce coated pasta while Bucky places the dirty pans in the sink, both working around each other like a fine tuned machine.

Before you can do it yourself, Bucky is picking up the bowls and laying them on the place mats, winking at you as he does so. He pulls your chair out for you, nodding for you to join him.

“For you, Madame.” He jokes, allowing you to sit down while tucking you in.

You watch him round the table and take his own seat. “And they say chivalry is dead.”

Bucky grins at you. The orange glow of sunset shines through your windows, catching your features with grace. Your eyes shine beneath the light and Bucky can’t help but find you angelic.

“You’re beautiful, doll. I don’t know if I said that earlier but, god, you look stunning tonight.”

Dropping your head, you play with the hem of your dress shyly. Your hair falls into your face, forcing you to push it behind your ears, though Bucky wishes he was close enough to do it himself.

With rose tinted cheeks, you look up at Bucky through your lashes. “You say that to all your neighbours, Barnes?” You raise a brow with your teasing voice.

Bucky throws his head back and laughs heartily, a sound you’ve come to adore.

“Only the ones who cook for me.” He winks.

“Doesn’t Ms Scott bring you pies every couple weeks?”

“And I tell her she looks ravishing every time.”

You giggle and tell Bucky to dig in, though you could happily sit and talk all night. While you both stop every now and then for a forkful of food, conversation bounces between you as it always does.

Tonight isn’t much different to a typical evening with the firefighter next door; usually you share some snacks and beers, cozying up on the couch as you watch tv. It’s become ritual for you to send Bucky a video of you playing the piano each evening, his phone playing the video on loop as he sleeps. It’s strange, but the music creeps into his dreams and keeps them peaceful, keeps him away from that burning building.

It’s been a few weeks since the night he was sent home early. Both you and Bucky felt a shift that night; waking up in his arms left you craving more, though you’ve yet to tell him as much. You left him sleeping peacefully that morning when you left for work with only a couple hours of sleep under your belt.

Bucky hated waking up to find the other side of his bed empty, no longer feeling your heat. The note you left him eased the disappointment slightly, your neat handwriting promising to come back in your breaks. Neither of you have addressed how right it felt to sleep beside each other that night, despite spending all of your free time together with unspoken words hanging over you.

Instead, you dance around each other like two ghosts doomed to never touch. The bond between you is stronger than any you’ve ever had, the magnetic lure undeniable for you both.

Your glasses have been emptied and refilled twice now - dinner long since been finished - and you’re starting to feel the buzz; those butterflies in your stomach have turned into a swarm of confidence, your brain taking a backseat from its usual overthinking.

“You expect me to believe that you broke down the door before Sam could? The same guy who beat you at your physical a few weeks back?” You tease the brunette, a challenging brow raised at his rather unimpressed face.

“What are you trying to say there, doll?”

Bucky’s jaw clenches when you tilt your head slightly, eyes shining with amusement beneath the exposed hanging light bulbs.

“Nothing to worry your cute little head about.” You watch Bucky relax into his chair slightly as you reach for your glass with a smirk. “Just that I doubt Sam has any difficulty kicking a door down, not with the way he’s built.”

The scoff to end all scoffs ripples from your neighbours throat; his bright blue orbs glare into you and his features twist into a scowl. Oh if looks could kill…

Bucky’s tone is flat, “Didn’t know you were such an admirer of Wilson’s build, Y/n.”

The lack of a pet name sends your confidence wavering, but not enough to keep you from having a little fun.

“Well, you know,” You bring the glass to your lips, “he’s hardly difficult to miss.”

Watching the deep ruby liquid pass over your lips, Bucky fights to hide the fury that’s flooding his veins, forced to look away from your smug grin.

He knows, he knows, that you’re lying through your teeth, trying to get a rise out of his usually impenetrable facade, and yet he can’t help but feel jealous.

Bucky’s painfully aware that he has no right to feel so possessive, not when he lays no claim to you. But the twist of his stomach is proof that he doesn’t much care.

“Maybe I should just give you his number and you can cook him a meal next time.” Bucky grumbles.

“Oh, that’s alright, I already have his number.”

You’ve never seen Bucky’s head snap up as quickly as it just did, his gaze pinning you to your spot.

“You what?”

Gently, you place your glass back on the table. “Yeah, Steve gave him my number last week so he could get in touch.”

The fire in those blue eyes burns brighter with each word, his body so still that his chest is barely moving when he breathes. In fact, you’re not even sure if he is breathing. Hell, he’s not even sure if he’s breathing.

“Is that right?” Bucky’s gruff voice is laced with possessiveness, the low tone travelling straight to your panties till you swear you feel yourself throb. You wonder briefly if you have a jealousy kink and the sweet arousal dripping from your cunt only confirms your suspicions.

“Mhm.” You hum in response, “In fact, i’m going out for coffee with him next week.”

“Huh.”

Bucky’s chair screeches against the hardwood floor as he pushes himself back. You follow his movements with amused eyes when he stands up and grabs your plates before storming to the kitchen. You twist in your chair, watching him place the dishes in the sink and flick on the tap.

“James, what are you doing?” You ask.

“What does it look like i’m doing?” Oh he’s grumpy, grumpy.

Bucky’s shoulders are tense beneath his tight henley, his sleeves now rolled up as he starts scrubbing at the plates. It’s quiet while he concentrates on his work, only accompanied by the music still flowing from your speaker.

From the corner of his eye, the firefighter sees you rise from your chair, ears honed in on the sound of your feet pattering towards him.

It’s now hard for Bucky to focus on anything but your breath on his neck, goosebumps littered across his skin like a rash. You stand right behind him, tracing your fingers up from the small of his back; Bucky’s muscles tense momentarily before melting at your touch, just like always.

“Ask me why i’m seeing Sam next week.” You order, hands still roaming the taut fabric on Bucky’s back. The command makes him pause and clench his eyes shut. Why are you making him talk about this when it’s tearing him apart?

The brunette turns in your hold but you don’t release him, instead settling your hands on his waist.

“Why are you seeing him, doll?” Bucky sounds despondent, brows furrowed in confusion as he looks down at you.

“He asked me to teach his nephews to play the piano, Buck. I’m meeting him and the boys on Wednesday, Sarah too.”

A shocked ‘What’ tumbles from his lips as the information sinks in, his frown slowly falling away as he processes your words.

“Yeah…” You grin, though it’s more like a smirk, content with yourself proving he was jealous.

In a desperate attempt to save his ego, Bucky rolls his eyes playfully. “I knew you weren’t really attracted to that dumbass.”

You scoff and pat his chest lightly. “Sure you did, Barnes. Now scoot, you wash ‘em, i’ll dry ‘em.”

With his hands on his hips, he stays still as you nudge your way to his side, stretching to the window sill where your dish towels lay. Bucky’s never been in this position before, it’s always him who’s teasing you; this is new territory for him and it irks him that you riled him up so easily.

Once he shakes his head clear, the firefighter returns to face the sink and starts washing the dishes again. You wait patiently while he works, humming along to whichever song is playing.

“You like the old stuff, huh doll?” Bucky grins warmly at the slight sway of your hips, your radiance beaming like a lantern.

You giggle sheepishly and bite your lip, unknowingly sending Bucky spiralling. “I thought it was fitting for tonight, really leaning into the whole ‘housewife’ role.”

He raises a brow, “Does that make me your doting husband then, sweets?”

Realising what you said, your cheeks heat up instantly and your eyes widen. You attempt to backtrack but your words stumble over one another as though you’re a little school girl.

Bucky, however, is basking in the familiarity of control; your rosy cheeks never fail to bring a smile to his face, and boy is he beaming right now.

“I meant- It’s- You know what I meant, James.” You shoot daggers at him, though the idea of being married to your neighbour sends your heart into overdrive.

That swoon-worthy laugh greets your ears with haste, Bucky’s eyes crinkled at the corners as his chest reverberates with its force. It’s impossible to bite back the grin that’s fighting its way onto your lips.

Small tendrils of chestnut hair tumble from behind his ears, begging to be pushed back, but the buzz from the wine has dulled and you can’t find the confidence to do it, no matter how much Bucky’s eyes are pleading you to.

“You know, it’s sweet of you to teach the boys how to play.” He looks at you in adoration, the image of you spending time with Sam’s nephews triggering a warmth to spread in his chest.

A breathy laugh escapes you as your gaze falls to the kitchen counter. You blush at the compliment and slowly start drying the dishes again.

“Do you spend much time with them?” You ask with a brief glance his way.

Bucky shrugs, “Yeah, Sarah is always throwing barbecues for the squad. They’re good kids, and I bet they’ll love you!”

“Oh God, I hope so. I’ve never taught before and i’m scared they’ll hate me and i’ll destroy their dreams and-” You ramble away without noticing the frown tugging at your neighbours brows.

“Teach me.”

Huh?

“What?” You freeze.

“You said you’ve never taught before,” Bucky steps closer to you, his cologne swarming around you like a warm hug, “so practise on me. Teach me something.”

You almost laugh at his words, mind immediately jumping to the conclusion that he’s joking. But Bucky doesn’t move, his blue eyes study your own, body so still that you fail to conjure a laugh. He’s not joking.

Hesitation is written across your features, drawing a single shake of Bucky’s head. “Come on, sweets. Please? For me?” He pleads.

“Okay.”

It’s scary how quickly you succumb to Bucky’s wishes; you fear you’d do awful things if only he asked and you’d even do it with a smile. You’re so doomed.

With a triumphant grin, Bucky plucks the dish cloth and plate from your grasp and carefully places them on the sink’s edge, before taking your hand in his and guiding you to your piano.

Nerves prickling beneath your skin, you trail behind him and silently revel in his touch. It’s hard to not stare at his perfect body as you stumble around furniture, the sharp muscles of his shoulders rippling as he tugs you with him. Flicking off the speaker on the way, you fall onto the small piano stool beside Bucky, and with such little room, your left thigh is pressed up against his. The solid curve of his muscles prod into your flesh and yet despite the fluttering it causes in your stomach, you’re far more focused on his hands.

From the bulge of his toned biceps to the trail of prominent veins in his forearms, your eyes drag down Bucky’s arms till you pause at the sight of his large hands. They lay spread across the span of his thighs, his right pinky finger mere atoms away from your exposed skin where your dress has ridden up. You find yourself craving the sparks that alight with his touch, so you adjust your position to make sure your leg brushes against his hand.

It certainly hasn’t gone amiss to the firefighter that you’ve taken a liking to his hands. Sure, he’s caught you staring at them before, but the hunger in your gaze right now is greater than ever.

The corner of Bucky’s lip turns up into a smirk as he reaches for your hands once more, lifting them to rest on the ivory keys of your piano.

“Wanna hear you play me something before you give me a lesson.” He admits, his words more of a demand than a question.

When you fail to respond, still caught up in scanning the crevices of his calloused hands, Bucky nudges your shoulder.

You shake your head with a dazed frown, “Huh?”

A playful chuckle falls from his pink lips, “I said play me something, sweets, before you start teachin’ me.”

You giggle sheepishly, sighing an ‘Oh’ before you gather your thoughts. Bucky returns his hands to his lap - a movement you struggle to ignore - giving you free rein of the instrument.

Running through some songs you could teach him, you settle for one of your favourites, or more accurately, one of Bucky’s favourites. The cool surface of the keys is harsh beneath your fingertips, a stark contrast to the Bucky-induced-heat flushing through your veins, hands stretching into place as you prepare the opening chords.

Rhythmic tones swarm around the two of you as you begin playing, masterfully dancing across the keys like it’s a second language. Your graceful motions always bring Bucky to a halt as you entrap him in your art.

He recognises the song straight away, lips turning up at the sweet melody. You didn’t even have to ask to know what he wanted to hear, you just knew. Bucky’s head feels light at the sight before him. A knowing grin has settled on your soft lips, your body ever so lightly swaying to the music, clearly getting lost the sounds.

It’s impossible not to feel the adoring stare of your neighbour, no matter how hard you try to ignore it. Warmth is pooling in the depths of your heart where it feels like you’re bleeding out, your love for Bucky forcing out the blood till the only thing circulating through your veins is him. No longer able to cope with the feelings swarming within you, your fingers abruptly stop mid song before you turn to look up at the firefighter.

“Okay, your go.” You state, but when Bucky raises a bemused brow your way, you continue to instruct him. “Come on. You’re gonna do the left hand, I’ll do the right.”

“Yes Ma’am!” Bucky chimes with a mock salute, earning him a glare.

It takes a few tries to move his fingers into the correct positions, both because he’s apparently wholeheartedly incapable of doing what you say but also because you may or may not zone out every time the veins of his hands stick out as he moves. But it’s still entirely his fault though. Entirely. ‘Maybe like 98% his fault. That’s seems fair.’ You think.

“There you go!” You cheer when the firefighter successfully plays the right notes in tandem.

“Would you look at that, not so useless after all.” Bucky winks at you and you blush lightly.

Glancing at him hopefully, you ask him to play the first chord you taught him.

“Oh, umm-“ He stutters, fingers flailing about and pressing random keys in search of the right pattern.

“Here, let me…” You chuckle sweetly at how utterly lost he looks and move to help him.

Leaning forward, you drag Bucky’s fingers over the ridges of ivorite, slowly placing them on the correct keys. You feel his lust-filled eyes trained on your face while you work, though it’s getting harder and harder to focus under his stare.

A frown tugs at your brows when your mind goes blank as to where Bucky needs to put his left hand, his still-wandering gaze burning into you and spreading to your cunt faster than you care to admit.

Of course, Bucky notices your breath quickening, chest stumbling up and down with shaky pants. His proximity is intoxicating and the will to fight it is slowly slipping past you, fingers itching to trace up Bucky’s thick arms to his neck so you can finally pull his lips to yours.

Bucky reads every inch of your skin like he’s studying for an exam. From the clench of your jaw to your eyes fluttering shut, he knows that he’s winning this tussle for control.

“Bucky…” You breathe, the wavering sigh rolling from your tongue like a stray secret.

“Yes, doll?” Bucky smirks with glinting eyes and you bite back a whimper.

Opening your eyes, you keep them trained on where yours rest on his. “I can’t focus with you looking at me like that.”

Bucky knows exactly what you mean but he can’t help but toy with you. “Like what?” He cocks his head with faux innocence that fools no one.

You turn to look up at the firefighter, eyes meeting his half lidded ones, the blue of his eyes barely visible behind his lust-blown pupils but the blue you can see is so impossible dark that you wonder if they were ever light in the first place.

Taking a breath, you wet your lips so briefly that Bucky nearly misses it. Nearly. “Like you want to kiss me.” You say, barely above a whisper.

“Oh,” Bucky sighs, leaning in closer, “I want to do much more than that.”

Your body is alight with need. Craving his touch, a breach of the barrier between you, you practically whine your reply. “Then why are you just staring?”

“Well, I wanna remember you like this; sweet, angelic, so perfect in your little sundress.“

With the back of his hand, Bucky nudges the hem of your dress higher till his whole hand is spread against your thigh. You quash the aching desire to glance at where your bodies meet and lock your eyes on Bucky’s, whose lips are turned into a knowing smirk.

“Gotta savour it while I can.” He says as he pushes his palm further to your inner thigh, his pinky finger mere inches from your heat.

“Why?” You ask, heart racing.

It dawns on you that you may actually pass out when the firefighter leans in close to you, nose pushing your hair aside to expose the soft skin of your neck which now sits defenceless to his advances. The heat of his breath is electrifying, lips nearing your pulse point eagerly.

Bucky’s lips ghost over your skin as he explains, “Cause once I’ve had my way with you, you’re gonna be a hot fucking mess, sweets.”

A breathy moan tumbles from the depths of you chest at the crude insinuations of his words; your eyes flutter shut, an unintentional reaction that you’re grateful for as it hides the way your pupils roll to the back of your head.

Through the dark span of your eyelids, you picture exactly how Bucky will make you a hot fucking mess. Spread legs with his tongue delving through your folds, back arched as he pounds into your pussy with vigour, his hands guiding your hips back to meet his as he fucks you from behind. The images bear too much for you yet you can’t stop picturing the salacious scenes, not when your neighbour is pressing open-mouthed kisses to the side of your neck.

“James…” You sigh, voice carrying the weight of a thousand pleas.

“Yeah? Is that what you want?”

Nodding your head desperately, you whine, unable to form any words beneath his sinful tongue.

“Words, doll.” Bucky says, lips hovering over your ear. He’s struggling to hold back but can’t let himself touch you the way he wants to until he hears you spell it out for him.

Turning your head slowly, you peer at Bucky with half-lidded eyes and a slack-jaw. “I want you, James. Please.”

That’s all it takes to disintegrate the final remnants of the firefighter’s self-control before his full lips meet your own with a hunger that’s been brewing for months.

Bucky’s lips glide across yours, slotting between your own so easily it’s got you believing this is not your first kiss. It’s soft and sweet but so goddamn sensual that you can’t help but moan into his mouth, the now open gap giving him the perfect chance to slide his tongue inside.

You bring your hands up Bucky’s body and rest them on his neck, fingers tentatively feeding through the hair at the nape of his neck while you jostle for control of the kiss.

Forced to pull back for breath, you take a peek only to find those strikingly blue eyes already on yours.

“Fuck, doll,” Bucky whispers, “you don’t know how long I’ve been waitin’ for this.”

“Probably not as long as I have.” You scoff.

“Then let me make up for lost time.”

“Wait, what do y-“

Within moments, Bucky is lifting your legs over the bench and is knelt between them, his large hands teasing the hem of your dress as he keeps your thighs spread apart.

Your mouth is agape with surprise while you grab onto the piano behind you for stability, a mixture of nerves and anticipation coursing through your veins. And as if he can read your anxious thoughts, Bucky looks up at you with the most sincere expression across his soft features.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks, despite the deep desire shining in his eyes. He wants you more than anything, but he needs to know you want him too.

It’s an easy answer and you’re shaking your head faster than you care to admit, but the memory of Bucky’s prior words flash through your mind and you still just as quick.

“No.”

Watching intently as he runs a hand from your ankle up to your knee, the firefighter rolls his bottom lip between his teeth when your breath hitches.

“Then promise me you’ll tell me if that changes?” Bucky asks.

You reach down and run your fingers through his chestnut locks, tucking the few loose strands behind his ear.

“I promise.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, sweets.”

A hearty laugh reverberates through you, but you’re quickly silenced by Bucky’s lips on your inner thigh, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. He kisses his way up to your heat, slowly pushing your dress higher and higher till the only thing between you and his mouth is the crimson lace panties covering your mound.

A sound you can only describe as a growl ripples through the room and you glance down at your neighbour to find him practically drooling at the sight of you. But then his eyes are on yours, his hungry, half-lidded eyes, and he’s tracing a finger over your clothed slit. Your breathing becomes laboured at his touch, your body, your mind, all of you at his mercy.

“Bucky, please…”

“Ah ah ah-“ The firefighter tuts, “-since when do you call me Bucky?”

You frown, back arching slightly in search of some friction on your core, too aroused to process his words properly.

“Look at me, Y/n.”

The stern nature of his tone lures your eyes to his once more. “What?” You ask, confused.

“I haven’t spent months goin’ crazy listening to you use my name only to have you call me Bucky when I’m finally between your legs.”

The throb of your pussy spurs you on and you tilt your head teasingly. “Touch me, James.” You say, and he obeys.

Bucky glides his hands up to your hips and drags your panties lower and lower, his lips chasing the lace till there’s no where left to kiss but your slick folds.

He hovers over your heat with bated breath before forcing himself to close his eyes and ask if you’re still okay with this.

“More than okay, James.” You answer truthfully.

“Good, cause I’m fucking starvin’.”

You feel his mouth on your pussy before you’ve even processed his words, tongue delving between your folds like he really is starving and you didn’t just feed him the best dinner he’s had in years. Though something tells him that title is about to be beaten the second you cum all over his face.

Your mouth curves into an ‘o’, the most pornographic of moans escaping you at the sinful sounds of Bucky’s mouth on your cunt. Drowning in increasingly intense waves of pleasure, your senses are dialled up to the max; with every flick of his tongue and suck on your clit, you find yourself falling deeper in your arousal. It becomes impossible to listen to anything Bucky’s telling you.

“Y’taste so sweet, doll.”

“Doing so good for me, aren’t ya? My good girl.”

“Let me hear you, doll, need to hear how good you feel.”

Whether it’s praises or orders, there’s no chance in hell of you understanding a word that falls from his lips, though Bucky doesn’t mind. The clench of your soft thighs around his head tells him all he needs to know - that even if your heads not fulling comprehending him, your body is. And the sheer amount of slick glistening across your cunt is enough for him to know that you’re ready for more.

The sensation of Bucky’s finger tracing along your pussy lips sends your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your hips lifting off the stool.

“James- oh fuck-“

Words die on your tongue when Bucky eases a finger inside you. White hot pleasure builds at your core, burning the last remnants of your self control, its embers coaxing a near-scream out of you.

“Fuck, that’s it, sweets. That’s- shit you’re so tight, pussy’s squeezing me and it’s just one finger.”

You mewl and squirm beneath him.

“How you gonna handle two of ‘em, doll?”

Bucky’s mesmerised at the sight of his finger gliding in and out of you, drenched in your sweet juices, too beautiful of a sight for him to give up by eating you out. But when you groan at the suggestion of two fingers, he drags his gaze upwards and is greeted with a view that’s evening better.

You, draped against the piano, head tilted back and brows drawn together while uneven sighs tumble from your swollen lips. God, you look heavenly, Bucky thinks. He doesn’t realise he’s said it out loud, but it makes little difference seeing as you’re rather preoccupied with the thought of Bucky fucking another finger inside you.

“James?” You call, reaching down to cover your left hand around the one at your sex, the other tugging on his hair.

“Yeah? Are you alright? Do you want me to stop?” He panics, thinking you’ve grabbed his hand to stop him.

Instead, you look him in the eye and say “Are you gunna fuck another finger inside of me or what?”

An awe-inspired grin spreads across Bucky’s face at your question. He keeps his blue orbs on yours while he presses a kiss to your clit and pushes himself higher till he’s inches from your face.

He rests a hand against the piano, caging you in and says, “Anything for my girl.” before a second digit joins his first.

The stretch knocks the wind out of your chest but Bucky hardly gives you any time to adjust, his fingers pumping in and out of you even faster than before. His palm slaps against your bundle of nerves with every thrust, the force riding to your chest where your tits bounce in rhythm.

“So damn beautiful…” The firefighter says.

You look up at him through your lashes and pull his lips to yours, tasting yourself on his tongue. With clashing teeth, the wet slapping sounds only feeds into the moment and Bucky’s suddenly very aware of the tightness in his jeans.

With each passing second, the cord in your stomach is getting so close to snapping that your mouth isn’t even moving against Bucky’s anymore.

“Fuck, James, I’m- I-“

“Shh, I know.” He presses a kiss to your forehead. “You gonna cum all over my fingers, doll? Gonna let me see you fall apart?”

You nod feverishly.

“Good girl, now let go for me.”

That’s all it takes for the damn to break loose and the fiercest orgasm of your life to rack through your body. It reaches every part of you, all the cracks and crevices you never thought could be touched, yet here you are, feeling every inch of yourself set on fire.

“That’s it, doll, that’s it.” Bucky comforts you while you lay victim to the aftershocks of his work, slowing the thrust of his fingers till your breathing evens and he moves to gently circling your sensitive clit.

“Holy shit…” You sigh, a satisfied and totally fucked-out grin playing across your lips.

Noticing how your hazy your eyes still are, Bucky smiles to himself while pressing loving kisses on your forehead.

“You did real good for me, sweetheart.” He listens to you hum beneath him as he moves to kiss your temple. “Y’look so pretty when you cum, you know that? Even prettier than I imagined.”

You twist in your seat to face your neighbour. “You’ve imagined this too?”

“Every night, doll.”

“Huh…”

Though Bucky’s eyes remain fixed on yours, it’s obvious that his mind has slipped away; he’s now clouded by memories of his x-rated dreams, ones that have ended with him pumping his embarrassingly hard length into his fist one too many times, and his cock twitches in his ever-tightening pants. You notice the movement at his crotch and, emboldened by his confession and the best orgasm you’ve ever had, you decide to take back some control.

“What have you pictured doing to me, James?” Your tone is so sweet, so innocent, that it takes a moment for your words to register in his brain. But when it does, boy, does a fresh wave of blood rush to his cock.

“You sure you wanna know? Cuz it ain’t all sweet and innocent.” He warns.

You say nothing and let your actions do all the talking; you slide a hand down to meet his left, the one still nestled between your sticky thighs, and tug it away from your cunt. With your eyes locked on his, you raise Bucky’s cum coated fingers to your mouth, slowly wrapping your lips around them and sucking your sweetness away. Making sure to give the firefighter a show, you swirl your tongue around his fingers before taking them as deep as you can, a knowing look in your eyes when you notice Bucky clenching his jaw.

After releasing his fingers from your swollen red lips, you press a kiss to the palm of his hand. “Tell me.”

What you can only describe as a growl rises from the back of Bucky’s throat and before you know it, you’re being carried to your bedroom, legs bound tightly around his waist while your arms wrap loosely around his neck.

He sits down on the edge of the bed; hands resting on your hips and edging lower to your ass, his fingers grip the supple flesh to keep you in place.

His force on your hips is pushing you down on his ample bulge, sparking a flash of pleasure straight up your spine that escapes you with a moan. Bucky chuckles softly with a sinful grin as you tilt your head back at the feeling.

“You wanna know what I’ve imagined us doing, doll?” The firefighter grabs your chin to bring your attention back to him. He runs the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip, tugging on it and letting it bounce back into place.

“I’ve pictured us just like this.” He drops his hand to your neck, tracing the curve of your collar bone till it meets the strap of your sundress. “You, naked and beautiful as ever, riding my cock like I know you can.”

You gasp lightly when he tugs your strap till it’s tumbling off your shoulder.

“And you’re telling me just how full you are, how stretched your little pussy is around me, choking my cock like a damn vice.”

Bucky’s filthy words send your hips into motion without warning; you grind your bare cunt over his crotch, the tent in his pants settling between your slick folds till his shaft is enveloped with your warmth.

“Does that sound good, doll? To have my cock buried inside you when you bounce on it? Fuck, I bet your cunt is dripping for me again,”

“It never stopped, James.” You whimper, your sensitive clit sending jolts up your frame as Bucky guides your hips over his.

“That’s right, you’re never gonna use anything else to cum ever again. You got me now, doll. I’m all you need. Me, my cock, I’m gonna ruin everyone else for you.”

You don’t even notice that Bucky’s hands are on the zip at your back, slowly pulling it down till the fabric are your chest goes slack, and with the straps already draped over your shoulders, the flowing material cascades around you, tumbling to your hips and leaving you defenseless to Bucky’s insatiable blue eyes.

“Fuck me, sweets, you’re- god- you’re perfect.” He leans in and kisses your collarbone. “So,” kiss, “So,” kiss, “perfect.”

Your eyes flutter shut, lost in the feeling of his touch, and Bucky smirks when he sees you. He teases a hand up your soft skin till it sits just beneath your tit, daring to reach up and play with you in the ways he’s always dreamt of.

“Is this okay?” He asks, earning an even more passionate grind of your hips as you push your chest closer to his open mouth.

He chuckles, “Needy, aren’t ya, sweets?”

You whine.

“Hmm, lucky for you, this is exactly what I imagined doing to you, what I’ve dreamt of for months…”

His lips wrap around your hardened nipple with haste, the warmth of his mouth a welcome sensation. He sucks at the sensitive nub, this tongue reaching out to soothe you afterwards. You throw your head back and moan loudly.

The sound of bucky loudly licking and sucking on your tits is driving you crazy, to the point where your hips are stuttering over his, practically drowning in the feeling till you have no control over your movements.

“God, I love your tits. Wanna act out every dream I’ve ever had of you. Fucking your tits, your throat, your cunt, anywhere you’ll let me, doll, please. I’ve needed you for so long.”

You blush at the word love, surpressing the hope that is stirring at the possibility that your tits aren’t the only thing he loves. Has he really wanted this as long as me? You wonder, picturing everything he just revealed he’s been wanting.

“M’So fuckin’ hard for you sweetheart, I know you can feel me. Dick’s throbbing, doll, it’s s’hard it hurts.”

You pull at his hair so he’s looking up at you again and capture his lips in yours.

“I wanna see you, Bucky…”

He groans and reaches for the hem of his shirt which he waists no time in tearing off. Your chest rises and falls heavier than before, eyes raking his physique just like you had that night he was leaving the shower at his place.

You trail a finger down his abs till it brushes the button of his jeans teasingly.

“All of you, James.” You look pointedly at his crotch. “May I?” You ask and when he nods, you climb off his lap and sink between his legs on the floor, you dress tumbling to the ground immediately.

Bucky’s abs tense as you work to undo the button, your hands tiny in comparison to his body. Next, you work the zipper up and over the bulge of his cock, the teeth desperate to come apart after being so constricted for so long. The two sides of denim snap away from the tent of his boxers, perfectly presenting where the firefighter so badly needs your touch.

He helps you kick off his jeans till the only thing between you is his boxers. You trace a finger up and down his shaft through the cotton, enjoying the sticky patch of pre cum leaking through the top.

“Have you ever imagined me sucking your cock, James?” You ask with half lidded eyes before kissing his covered shaft. “Cause I have.”

Bucky whimpers - whimpers - at your words, his hips snapping up to your face uncontrollably.

You begin to drag down his boxers, trailing kisses down down down, your lips greeting his tip when his cock flicks up against them before your eyes even get chance to glance at him.

Your eyes flutter shut at the salty taste on your lips, revelling in the breathy moans from your neighbour.

“Fuck- pl-please honey, I need your- argh- mouth around me!”

You make eye contact with him from your place on the floor and ask if he’s sure.

“More than anything.”

And with that, you take his thick length into your mouth, lips sealing around his angry pink cock head briefly when your trace your tongue over his slit, before gliding lower down his cock.

You take as much of him as you can, but you need time to warm up having never taken a cock as large as his before.

“You’re so big, baby.” You say as you pull off his shaft with a pop, “Biggest I’ve ever had in my mouth.”

A frustrated groan arises from the firefighter and you feel his hand on the back of your head, gently pushing you to his dick once more.

“Suck my cock, doll, just like we’ve both imagined, nice and deep, please.”

You take the base of his cock in your hands and guide his tip back to your lips.

“Atta girl,” Bucky encourages as you take him deeper and deeper.

He feels you relaxing your throat to take more of him and his balls clench at the feeling.

“Argh fuck, fuck, fuck. Good girl, oh my god, yes!”

His praises and curses cheer you on and you manage as much of him as you can, only an inch or so remaining that’s simply too thick to fit in your mouth. Lord knows how he’ll fit in your pussy, but you’re sure he’ll figure it out.

You bob your head on his length over and over till you’re in desperate need of air. You let your hands work your spit and his precum up and down his hard cock while you catch your breath and watch his beautiful face contort into one of extreme pleasure.

Your chest fills with pride at Bucky’s facial expressions; making him feel good is somehow more rewarding than anything you’ve done in your life and you find yourself content at the thought of spending the rest of your days pleasing him.

Bucky is oblivious to the gratified smile toying your lips and wholly unprepared for your next movement.

“Oh god- oh fuck, doll-” He groans, his breathing staggered and eyes clenched shut when you take his balls in your mouth, the skin sloppily wet from your work on his cock, and now enjoying the warmth of your mouth.

“Oh honey, do that again, felt so go- argh!” He’s interrupted by you tending to his sack once more, your tongue swirling around them and lightly sucking.

You moan around his pretty, swollen balls, the vibrations drawing a sigh of pleasure from your neighbour. The trimmed hair at the base of Bucky’s member is tickling your nose while you fight to taste every part of him.

With a final sharp suck, you release his balls with a small plop, plant a wet kiss on each and flatten you tongue to lick a bold stripe up his length. The tip of your muscle presses into the vein on the underside of his dick and Bucky thrusts upward, his hips bucking as he desperately searches for more.

As you ready yourself to glide his cock down your throat once more, you feel Bucky’s hand on your cheek, pulling you off him.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” You ask with a concerned frown, nervous that you’ve done something wrong to have Bucky stopping you. You wrap your hand around his forearm, the one outstretched to hold your hair, while the other remains enclosed around his cock.

“Nothin’ bad, sweets, it’s just that- fuck-“

You absentmindedly stroke your thumb over his girth, a motion you intend to be comforting but in reality, it just makes him throb even harder in your hands.

“-I’m not gonna last much longer if you keep using your pretty mouth like that.”

“And that’s a problem because…?”

He laughs lightly and tucks your hair behind your ear. “Cause as hot as you’d look swallowing my load, I’d much rather cum inside that sweet pussy for our first time.”

You roll your bottom lip between your teeth before pecking a doting kiss to his forearm and letting Bucky pull you to your feet. His eyes follow yours till he’s looking up at you from his seated position, his hands falling to your hips with an awestruck face.

“What the hell did I do to deserve you?” His voice is barely above a whisper. You blush crimson.

“Get on the bed, doll.” He orders. “Lay on your back.”

You do as he says and once you’ve settled, he crawls on top of you. It’s quiet for a moment as Bucky stares lovingly down at you, burning the image into his memory to remind him he has everything he needs.

“I should have found the guts to do this months ago…” You murmur, pushing the fallen tendrils of chestnut hair behind his ear. He looks so goddamn perfect; the golden glow filtering through your window catching every feature you’ve spent so long dreaming about, and now he’s here, really here, and you can’t help but stroke his cheek with revere.

“We have now, doll. That’s enough for me.” Bucky whispers. “Are you comfortable?”

You nod, truthfully, both in terms of your position but also for what’s coming. But then his elbows bend out and he’s lowering himself onto you.

“How about now?”

There’s a gleam in his eye and a playful smirk on his lips as he watches your chest heave, your body taking more of his weight now.

“No!” You giggle.

“No? Is this better?” Bucky teases, briefly laying his whole weight over you until you paw at his shoulders to push him off.

“James! You’re squishing me!”

The melody of your carefree laughter has Bucky melting and he pushes himself up onto his hands once more. His lip is tucked between his teeth, enjoying the view as he becomes increasingly aware of his cock now just one slip away from your pussy lips.

Quickly coming to your own awareness of Bucky’s rock hard length pressing into you, you sober up.

“Darling?” You tug on his bottom lip with the pad of your thumb.

Bucky’s brows pinch closer slightly.

“I need you inside me.”

His soft lips are crashing against yours within moments, his hand fighting between the nonexistent space between your bare bodies to grasp his cock and guide his tip to your bundle of nerves.

The sudden taste of how good Bucky can make you feel forces a sharp breath from you. It’s so much yet not enough, all at the same time.

“Tell me if you need me to stop, okay? Let me take care of you how you deserve.”

After a meek nod with your hands finding refuge in Bucky’s soft locks, he trails his cock head down your pink folds till it catches on the dip of your entrance.

Bucky tempts a whimper from you as he slides inside of you, your walls stretching to accommodate his larger than average member.

“Fuck, doll, you’re so tight for me.” The firefighter moans, resisting the urge to snap his hips and bottom out completely.

You’ve yet to make a sound, the sting in your pussy not yet dissipating, and when you glance down at where your bodies meet, you realise you’re barely taking half of him.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Bucky’s reassuring voice is ghosting over your ear, “you’re taking me so well, sweets. You need me to go slower?”

You clench your eyes shut briefly, “No, keep going, you’re just so…”

“So what?”

Bucky watches a deep red creep up your neck before returning his gaze to your eyes, that now dance across the room avoiding him.

A gentle grasp on your chin draws you to face the breathtaking man above you and you clench around his dick.

“What happened to the little minx who was practically beggin’ me to fuck her, huh? Don’t get all shy on me now, dollface. I’m so what?”

His words have you spilling yours without second thought. “You’re so fucking thick, James, cock’s splittin’ me in half.”

He groans and snaps his hips fully into yours, making you scream out, “Jamie!!!”

His scalp burns when you pull on his hair harder than before, your moans filling the room like a broken record. Bucky should be focused on the furrow of your brow, your laboured breaths, the way your cunt is choking him, anything about how perfect this feels, but all he can focus on is how with one thrust, you called him ‘Jamie’. And you didn’t just say it, you screamed it.

“Shit, honey, say it again.”

“Ja-Jamie…” You whine and feel Bucky draw his hips back before pounding into you once more.

“Again.” Your neighbour growls.

“Oh my god, fuck- I”

“Again.”

It takes everything you have to open your eyes and look at him. “Fuck me, Jamie.”

“That’s my girl.”

Bucky drives his length into you till his tip is hitting your cervix, the pleasure wrapping around your throat and squeezing the air out of you. You fight to breathe as Bucky drills into you, over and over, softly grunting with every thrust.

“Never felt anything as good as your cunt before, doll. Wanna spend the rest of my life buried inside you.”

You pull his lips to yours and, back arching from the mattress, dive your tongue into his mouth with vigour. He lets you explore his mouth while fucking you deep and fast, the headboard of your bed slamming against the wall and probably driving your neighbour crazy. Oh wait, he is your neighbour, and it is driving him crazy, but in the best way imaginable.

“So goddamn tight, sweets, y’pussy was made for me,” He swallows your whimpers happily, “don’t you think? You feel how good i’m filling you up, honey? Sliding in an’ out so easy, you’re so fucking wet for my dick.”

“Harder, Jamie.”

Goddamn.

“Keep calling me that and I’ll do whatever you want.”

You lose yourself in his thrusts; the sting has long turned into the most pleasure you’ve ever felt, and that’s saying something after the orgasm he lulled from you only a few minutes ago.

“Fuckin’ me s-so good, Jamie.”

“Ah- just like that, baby.”

“I’m getting close, James, need you to go faster.”

Your pleas send Bucky’s cock pulsing and he does exactly as you wish. He fucks you faster, fighting off the desperate urge to cum inside your sweet cunt.

“Jamie…” You sigh.

He grins up at you from his place at your tits, his tongue reaching out to tease your nipples. You push his head down till he takes your sensitive bud in his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue over it while he gropes its twin.

The tight coil in your stomach is twisting to its limit and you find yourself dangerously close to cumming around Bucky’s hard, thick length.

“I’m so- oh fuck- i’m so close, James.”

He lifts his head and eyes you with lust blown pupils.

“Are you gonna cum for me, doll? God, I can feel you clenching around me, you wanna cream all over my cock? Huh?” He smirks at your pornographic moans. “Bet I’ll look so good covered in your cum, sweets, maybe I’ll let you clean me up, put that mouth to good use.”

“I’m gonna cum, i’m gonna cum,” You chant several times breathlessly.

“Let go for me, sweet girl, make a mess o’my cock. Cum, doll.”

Your body shudders as your hips grind up into Bucky’s, your walls tightening before he feels you gush around him. Practically screaming in pleasure, you bite down on Bucky’s shoulder to quiet yourself, though the pain travels straight to his member, still fucking into you with force.

“Fuck, James, you’re so perfect, never came so hard in my life- shit-“

He’s groaning into your ear, his balls slamming against you and filling the room with salacious wet slaps.

“You’re so wet and- fuck- I can’t- I can’t hold back much longer.”

You tug on the hair at the nape of his neck and lick up the side of his throat, tongue catching the salty beads of sweat in its path. Reaching his earlobe, you suck on it lightly and whisper into his ear.

“Want you to cum inside me, Jamie. Fill me up, please, I need your cum.”

“Argh, fuck!!” Your words send Bucky over the edge and his hips stutter while he finally lets go.

“Oh god, yes!” Bucky grunts. “Take my cum, doll, fuckin’ take it.”

Your tongue seeks his neck once more, pressing open mouthed kisses as his cock shoots streams of white seed into you, the spurts seemingly never ending.

“Fillin’ my cunt so much, Jamie- fuck- you feel so good!”

As his cock softens, his thrusts slow to a more bearable pace, both of you so sensitive from your orgasms. Catching your breath takes a minute or two, but in the meantime, you coax satisfied sighs from your firefighter by running your hands up and down his back; the light sheen of sweat greets your fingertips as you touch him tenderly.

With no words being shared, you focus solely on Bucky’s breathing, the rise and fall of his back beneath your hands and the weight of his body on yours. It should be uncomfortable, but you’ve never felt so at home in a place, let alone with a person, in your life.

“That was…” Bucky murmurs into your neck.

You finish his sentence, “Pretty damn good.” Laughter ripples through the muscles of his back.

“Yeah,” He agrees and pulls back slightly to look at you, “you feeling okay?”

“If by okay you mean ‘completely and utterly fucked out’ then yeah, I’m great.”

You grin cheekily before pushing his hair behind his ear yet again, an act you find yourself praying that you’ll get to do for the rest of your life.

“How are you feeling?” You ask sincerely.

Those blue orbs flick between your own, laced with an emotion you hope to be love. “Like I want to be with you like this forever.” Bucky admits. “That and completely and utterly fucked out.”

You laugh heartily, bringing a beaming smile to Bucky’s swollen red lips.

“Let me clean you up, doll.” He offers before pushing himself off you, much to your dismay. He disappears to your bathroom for a minute before returning with a damp cloth in hand.

“Can you spread your legs for me, sweets?”

He bites a chuckle at how quickly you obey him and gets to work, wiping away your shared cum from your pussy and goosebump-ridden thighs. The towel is warm and soft on your skin, lulling you to sleep, though you fight to keep your eyes on your neighbour.

“You’re so beautiful, James.” You say, reaching to place your hand on his that sits beside you hip, where he’s leaning his weight.

He smiles sheepishly and focuses on the job at hand. Once you’re clean, Bucky carries you to the bathroom so you can do your business, waiting patiently outside after putting his boxers back on and grabbing his henley for you to wear.

When you step out of the bathroom, Bucky’s holding his he let out in front of you. “You looked a bit cold so I thought you might want a shirt?”

You smile, “Your shirt?”

“Yeah…” He rubs the back of his neck, muscles flexing at the movement, “You don’t have to, I just thou-“

He stops talking when you pull the henley from his grasp and tug it over your head. It swallows you whole and the sleeves tumble past your hands, but Bucky thinks it’s perfect. You’re perfect.

Grabbing his hand, you pull him back to your room and back into bed, tugging the sheets over you both where you nestle into his chest.

“You’re staying, right?” You ask with the most puppy-dog eyes you can muster.

“Of course, doll.”

Smiling to yourself, you curl up against the firefighter. “Woulda cooked you a meal months ago if I knew that’s all it took for you to finally fuck me.”

a/n: filth. pure filth. so sorry that it took me a lifetime to post this - life got lifey and it took me ages to get this right. it’s my second time writing any sort of smut so i hope it was good for y’all. thanks for all the support, it means the world to me. love you guys, red ❤️

comment if you’d like to be added to the ashes to embers taglist 🧡

taglist: @armystay89 @rabbitrabbit12321 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @harrystylesandthegoobs @zannemes @noonespecial90 @m3ntally-unstable @blackbirdwitch22 @wintrsoldrluvr @pingpongfingfong @belleofthebooks @larienjenova @chaosbarelycontained @mostlymarvelgirl @trustworthy-jellyfish @ozwriterchick @nervousnerdwitch @suz7days @bethexo07 @ace-27749 @bellabarnes1378 @angelbabyyy99 @selella @itvy5601 @noonespecial90 @differenttyphoonwerewolf @ordelixx @krispybearbouquet @matchat3a @cl7ire @sunglasses-in-the-bentley @julvrs @anghstybean @eah-marvel-trolls @pono-pura-vida @touchstarvedforbuckybarnes

[classyrbf]

COME HOME! — TOJI FUSHIGURO

SYNOPSIS...you’re afraid one day he won’t come home, leaving you in a constant state of worry and fear of what could happen especially with his family in on the line

INFO...toji fushiguro x ex assassin fem!reader, fluff with some angst, domestic relationship, megumi is readers bio kid, toji an assassin, mentions of blood, sweet ending, not proofread

OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated

i'm sorry for being gone for so long and not writing anything or even sticking to my kinktober plan, quite literally fell into a black hole of unmotivation and writing smut was not helping at all lmao

The night was brutal, cold air striking your skin and the winds were sharp. Yet, you sat by the cracked window, your skin felt like it was on fire. Police sirens flooded the silence and the small dim lamp did its best to light up the room. With your knees tucked to your chest, you sat and watched the cars drive by, one of the streetlights flickering every now and again. Little Megumi slept soundly in his room, tucked warmly in his bed with his favorite stuffed dinosaur. You had been up for hours, waiting for Toji to come back home from his job.

You lived with worry that one day he wouldn’t show up, come back home to you and his son. What he did was dangerous, being an assassin and what not. He always brags about how he’s the best, so fast and strong, silent as a mouse that most of them don’t even get the chance. But, what if there’s someone out there who is strong enough to put up a fight? What if he gets caught? Seriously injured? That’s what makes you worry. You knew what you were getting yourself into from the moment you met him because you also used to be an assassin, but as soon as you found out you were pregnant, that lifestyle was cut short. You’d never do anything to put your son in danger.

Many talks between you Toji about changing what he does, doing something better, safer, always led to arguments. It’s like killing was the only thing he knew how to do. It’s sad to say. But you couldn’t help but love him, and worry for him, care for him. You only wanted Megumi to be safe. The job was a dangerous one. Creating enemies along the way, a target painted on your head. You just needed him to come home. Nervously biting at your nails, your eyes scanned the streets and tops of the grungy apartment buildings. You always wanted to move out of this damn city, but Toji said it’d be too obvious if you two moved somewhere nice, somewhere you couldn’t blend in. As much as you hate to admit it, he was right. You just didn’t want Megumi growing up here, turning out like you or his father. You wanted better for your son.

The rattling of the doorknob makes your head spin, jumping to your feet before even thinking. You were on full alert, hoping whoever walks in was your husband and your husband only. Your eyes narrowed, the bulky frame of Toji stumbling through the doorway, his skin pale and shining with sweat. He slammed the door behind him, groaning in pain as he dragged his feet across the floor and to the nearest chair. He didn’t look too well.

Immediately, you walked out of the living room and into the kitchen, assessing him with a worried look in your eye. “Toji, baby?” You nearly fall over when you cup his face, his nose bloody and lip busted. You don’t even notice he’s holding his side. “What the fuck happened?” You’re cupping his face, eyes scanning his finger when you see the copious amounts of blood on his hands. Lifting his shirt, you see the huge gash on his side. “Fucking hell.”

“Missed you too, sweets,” he struggles to even speak, letting out a pained sigh. “Where’s the kid?” He asks, looking at you rummaging through the cabinets for the first aid kit.

“He’s fine, sleeping. Why?” You glance over your shoulder, snatching the first aid off of the shelf. You kneel in front of him, taking the bottle of alcohol and pouring it straight onto the wound.

“Fuck!” He screams, slamming his hand on the table. “Son of a bitch!” He hisses, clenching his eyes shut. “Could’ve warned me, you know?” He breathed heavily, his chest heaving up and down.

“Would’ve been worse if I did. Answer my questions,” you demand, wiping the blood around his wound while applying pressure.

“Fucker that got me knew about you and the kid. Though…shit—thought someone else might’ve came after you two. I tried getting here as fast as I could,” he sighs. His eyes flutter shut, clenching his fists so hard the whites of his knuckles show. “Don’t worry, I killed him. Obviously.”

“Yeah, he still fucked you up pretty good though.” You shake your head, grabbing the bandage and placing it over the gash. “I told you Toji, we need to leave, find somewhere safer, better. You need to quiet this shit, okay? We got a fucking kid to look out for—”

“Mommy? Daddy?” The soft sound of Megumi’s voice made you spin. He rubs his tired eyes, clinging onto his stuffed dinosaur. “Is daddy okay? I heard him yell.”

“I’m okay, Megs.” Toji flashes a smile. “Mommy’s just helping me with something and then I’ll come tuck you back in, alright? Go back to bed.” He points back to his room.

“Daddy’s okay, baby,” you say softly. Megs just nods and tiredly shuffles back into his room. A deep sigh escapes your lips as you wrap the gauze tightly around his torso before cutting it with the scissors and tucking it under. You toss the scissors to the floor, standing back to your feet to rid your hands of his blood. This is what you were afraid of. This is what you didn’t want. You were a mother now and you knew just how cruel this world was.

You take a rag and wet it under the water before gently lifting his chin, and wiping the blood from his nose. You’ve done this too many times before, it was practically like muscle memory. Stitching yourself up, wiping the blood that seeped into your skin and now you’re doing the same for him. His hands find your waist, squeezing gently while you stand between his legs and Toji forgets about the pain for a moment. His glossy eyes look up at you and he realizes what he has. A wife, a son, a family who cares about him, loves him. You’re always so gently yet so affirmative and he’s reminded why he fell in love with you. You make up every part of him that was missing.

“I’m sorry.” His voice and raspy and delicate. “I know I scared you when I walked through the door like this.” He gently grabs your wrist, pulling your hand from his face. “Look at me, baby.” And when your eyes meet his, he can tell just how worried you are, how much you’re hiding just to seem strong. “I’m sorry.”

Tears well up in your eyes and they’re falling before you could blink them away. “I’m so scared you won’t walk through the door one day, Toji. I wait by the window, watching and listening. Looking out for our baby boy. I don’t want that day to come when you’re not here because of this stupid fucking job,” you cry, looking away from him as you sob into your hands.

His heart breaks at your cries, pulling you down into his chest despite the pain he’s in because he couldn’t care less about that right now. He soothingly rubs your back, placing a kiss on your head. “We’ll leave tomorrow. Everything. Move somewhere else. Start a new life. I fucking promise you. I should’ve listened to you before and I’m so sorry.” His voice shakes with each word. “You don’t know how scared I was to walk in here thinking something might’ve happened to you and Megs. Just thinking about that…fuck…I can’t imagine.” He shakes his head. You cling onto him, holding him tightly. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too,” you sniffle. Lifting your head, you gently caress his cheek with the pad of your thumb, searching his eyes and you see is sadness and sincerity. “Tomorrow. Promise?”

“I promise, baby. Me, you, and the kid. We’ll all get outta here. Go somewhere nice. Maybe a beach, watch him play in the sand?” Toji chuckles. You nod, laughing. “There’s that smile,” he says.

“Daddy?” The little patters of Megumi’s feet make their way into the kitchen. “Are you still gonna tuck me in?” He pouts.

Toji looks at you and then at his son. You hop off of his lap and he stands up as if nothing is wrong, but still walking with a slight limp and his hand holding his side. “Come here, kid.” He scoops him up with arm like he weighed nothing. “How about you sleep with me and mommy tonight, huh?” He reaches to ruffle Megumi’s hair. You walk over to the both of them, your chest feeling warm, a smile adorning your face. Megumi leans his head on Toji’s shoulder, quickly shutting his eyes. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

[revasserium]

Can I request any windbreak characters (headcanons) of your choosing reacting to their s/o ending up in the hospital beacause if a rival gang targeting them?

reqs are open!

the beautiful and damned

sakura, suo; 911 words; fluff, slight angst, implied bodily harm, lapslock, no "y/n", hurt/comfort kinda i guess?, very!drabble, suo being... suo

a/n: sry i only did sakura and suo... currently i've only got the muse for these two tho i did consider tossing umemiya in there lmao; maybe next time...

falling backwards — sakura

it can take the body up to twenty-minutes to cycle through an average fight-or-flight response though he’s always prided himself in staying for the fight.

seeing you in the hospital bed for the first time was a masterclass in the concept of flight — or rather, in falling. of the ground crumbling beneath him, of his stomach going momentarily weightless before sinking and sinking, of his lungs calcifying inside his chest till it physically stings to breathe.

“i’m alright,” you say, waving him off, but for the first time, his knee-jerk reaction isn’t to punch something — it’s to topple into the chair by the door and bury his face in his hands.

“you’re alright…” he says, his mouth forming around the words like learning to speak for the very first time, and then again, “you’re alright.” the says the words like a prayer answered, like exaltation, like a promise to himself made and broken and mended back again.

you cast him a wide smile, though he doesn’t miss the way you wince and your hand jumps up to the bandage wrapped around your forehead.

“it really looks worse than it is… i just got scratched so they had to bandage up my head but the wound was really shallow so —”

he makes his way over to your bedside and tugs you into his chest, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the harsh, florescent light of the hospital room. for a second, your voice is muffled against his shirt but then you go quiet in his arms, you go soft, and there’s a terrifying moment when he wonders if he’s held on too tight —

“sakura?”

“you’re… alright.”

he slumps down on the bed next to you, reaching for your hands. you let him take them, let him study them. there are a smattering of bruises along your arms, but nothing’s broken, no lasting damage. he leans down to press his forehead to the backs of your hands; you feel the heat simmering beneath his skin, stark and startling against your cool fingers.

“yeah. i’m alright. and… you’re okay too,” you say, flipping a hand over to cup his face, to lift his head up to meet your gaze. he nods, slowly, leaning into your touch.

“yeah… i think i will be.”

here are the monsters — suo

there are a few things suo hayato knows to be true: he’s a good fighter, even one of the best in the freshman year, that green tea should be brewed at 75 to 80 degrees, and that whoever did this will pay.

“tell me who did this.”

his voice is light, almost conversational, and nothing in his expression betrays the bright red fury curdling just beneath the thin veneer of his calm. you eye him warily, and he smiles sweetly, cocking his head to one side as he waits for your answer.

“hayato…”

“hm?”

you sigh, leaning back in your hospital bed and crossing your arms.

“if i tell you, promise you won’t go looking for a fight.”

suo pauses, considering your words, tallying them against his internal list of truths — he knows of the terrible risk of loving someone more than yourself, of the secret strength it grants you. he knows terror too, the kind that seems endless and dark and ever-expanding, a black hole of nothing that threatens to consume him when he’d first heard that you’d been hurt bad enough to warrant a night in the hospital.

but beneath that terror is something else — something with flashing teeth and shining claws that he does not have a name for but has felt flickering there for his whole entire life.

this is the monster, he thinks, that lives in us all.

the minotaur in the middle of the maze of self.

hungry and lonely and howling for blood.

“fine. i promise,” he says, putting his hands up.

you blink at him for a few seconds before your eyes narrow once more. you know him, and you know him almost too well.

“hayato, what aren’t you telling me?”

“i’ll tell you if you tell me who did this.”

after another second’s pause, you sigh and list off a few names — the perpetrators to this great crime. kids, too, from another school’s gang.

“it’s par for the course, isn’t it?” you say, your voice tightening slightly as suo nods and gets to his feet. he takes his time, stretches, leans down to drop a sweet kiss into your hair, “i knew what i was getting into when i agreed to date you so…” your voice trails off as suo makes for the door, humming lightly.

“where’re you going?” you ask.

he pauses by the door, “for a walk and… maybe a friendly chat with some kids at the school the next county over.”

“hayato! you promised you wouldn’t go looking for a fight!”

at this, suo’s expression shifts ever so slightly. it’s in the slant of his mouth and the sharpness of his eyes, the way his voice is smooth as starlight but his words have all their vowels seeped in cyanide —

“oh i’m not going looking for a fight… but you see, the second they put a hand on you, the fight already found it’s way to me.”

---

@houseofsolisoccasum

[tubatwo]

txt reaction: random kisses

summary: in which you miss your boyfriend so much you can’t help but kiss him!

pairing: reader x ot5

genre: fluff; 1.7k total

a/n: trying something new! I probably won’t do these too often because I have been overthinking each prompt for months! let me know if you prefer short or long stories for these! beomgyu’s is already longer lmao im having a bamtori moment ><

‎ ‎

‎ ‎

yeonjun - when he’s busy

between group schedules and inkigayo appearances, it seemed like the universe didn’t want you and your boyfriend to have a moment together. of course you understood. he’s a busy idol after all, but it still didn’t make it hurt less. but one thing that yeonjun always told you is that the offer to visit him was always open, no matter how guilty you felt about it. and today just seemed like one of those days where you might actually take that offer.

after talking things through with the boys’ manager and getting a staff member to guide you, you arrive at the inkigayo filming area. it was strange to see how small the interview set was in real life, especially because everyone seemed to think it was an actual room!

you politely squeeze past a few people to get a better look at your boyfriend in action. you can’t help but smile at his cute mannerisms, charisma, and how everyone in the room seems to adore him. after a while, one of the staff members taps you on the shoulder and asks if you would like to move to his dressing room. you agree and wait patiently. 

the sound of the door opening interrupts your thoughts, and you look up to see your boyfriend with a shocked look on his face. “baby? you came?!” he exclaims excitedly. you smile warmly and run up to give him a sweet kiss that just so happens to be long overdue. yeonjun giggles as you deepen the kiss and wrap your arms around his neck. “mmph– I hate to interrupt, but what made you decide to finally come?” he pulls away, slightly flustered at how eager you are (but in a good way). 

“i’m sorry!” you whine, burying your head in his chest. “I missed you so much, and I’m sorry if this is a bad time–” yeonjun cuts you off by lifting your chin and placing another kiss on your lips.

“never a bad time, baby.” he shakes his head. “I’ve missed you so much, and I know things have been hectic lately…” you smile sadly and nod in agreeance. “but! i’m going to make it up to you this weekend, ‘kay? they just told us we have some free time.”

your eyes light up, and you hug your boyfriend tightly.

“I love you, yeonjun, thank you.”

“anything for you, baby.” 

soobin - when he’s sleeping too cutely 

you watch as your boyfriend’s chest rises up and down, letting out small puffs of air. you smile softly at how peaceful he looks, knowing full well how busy promotions have been lately. sometimes your boyfriend looked the most beautiful when he was sleeping. the one time when his mind wasn’t full of worries, and his shoulders no longer held the burdens of others. 

you quietly giggle as you scan over his body laying in a position that you just can’t seem to wrap your brain around. why is his leg twisted that way? you try your absolute hardest to keep your laughs to yourself. he needs his rest, but he just looks adorable… aaand you kinda miss him an abnormal amount. maybe it would be best for him to move anyway. he wouldn’t mind, right?  whatever happens, please forgive me. this is your fault for being too damn cute.

unable to resist your cuteness aggression, you lean down closer to his face and place a tender kiss on his cheek. then another. and another. and finally he shuffles. “mmm… y/n?” he murmurs sleepily. you bring your hand to his cheek to rub it softly. “hi baby, i’m sorry for waking you..” you whisper.

soobin pulls you close, copying your previous actions by kissing your cheek too. “s’ okay, i’ve missed you too.” 

wait what?

“ you… miss me too?” you echo. your boyfriend nods his head, shutting his eyes again as if nothing happened. “how did you know I was thinking that?” he lets out a snort at this. “because I love you, and I also know you like the back of my hand.” before you could even respond or complain, soobin leans in to kiss you deeply, making you sigh and melt into his arms. as you pull away, you quietly chuckle and tap the side of his arm.

“let’s head to bed, my love.”

beomgyu - when he’s playing video games

you could hear the echoes of your boyfriend’s yells from the other room. the two of you had spent the afternoon together visiting a local record shop and decided to spend the rest of the day relaxing at home. after watching a movie, you inevitably went your separate ways to do your own things.

however, you eventually got bored. there were only so many tiktoks you could scroll through without feeling drained. so, feeling curiosity take over you, you sneak back into your shared room, peeking at the back of your boyfriend’s round head. you watch him silently, waiting for his team to capture the objective. you had watched him play enough times to know when it was coming to an end.

“ah shit! that was a good game.” he says into the mic as the winning sign takes over the screen, then he queues into another game. as you tip toe closer to him, the chatter of his friends start to louden as the sound leaks from his headphones. 

you wrap your arms around beomgyu’s neck, resting them on his chest as you place a kiss on his cheek.

“babe?” he flinches a little at your sudden movement. “hey, what’s up?” he cancels the queue, ignoring the commotion and confusion coming from his discord call. 

“nothing… I just missed you…” you smile against his neck, turning his head to kiss him properly. as you smack lips, beomgyu gets a little dizzy. he lets out a few groans and a few giggles, eventually pulling away to look up at you with his lips curling into his famous v-shape

“you want me to log off?” he asks shyly. 

a part of you wants to say yes, but you already spent so much time with him for the day. you knew that he’s been trying his best to rank up recently, and time was never really on his side. it was important that you allowed him to have fun with his hobbies as well. 

you shake your head, fingers playing with the hair that was soon growing to meet his shoulders. "no, it's okay. enjoy yourself! besides, I missed watching you play," you smile, eyes filled with affection. “that is… if it’s okay? can I?” 

beomgyu can’t help but smile. one of his many favorite things about you was that you didn’t mind him playing his favorite games, and you even liked to watch and cheer him on too. 

“c’mon my little lucky charm,” he chuckles, patting his lap enthusiastically while pulling you down by your waist. 

despite the sound of keyboard clicks and endless trash talking coming from both your boyfriend’s mouth and his headphones, you drift off to sleep, occasionally feeling his lips meet your forehead. 

taehyun - when he’s working out

it had been an hour or so since taehyun left a small kiss on your cheek, telling you that he was going to the home gym room. with schedules in the way, it was hard to him to do his proper workouts the way he wanted to. you knew this, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit clingy after the tiring day you had.

after tiptoeing over to the doorway, you’re met with the sight of your boyfriend facing the other way while lifting a set of weights. you sneakily tiptoe over to wrap your arms around his waist while nuzzling your head into his neck. 

"hey," he says, a mix of amusement and affection in his voice as his body vibrates with laughter. "i’m kinda in the middle of something here, darling.”

you giggle, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on his sweaty cheek. "I know but…” you begin, smile slowly fading away as you remember the way you were late for work. the way your boss looked at you in disappointment as you gave your presentation. “I missed you a lot, i’m sorry.” 

taehyun’s expression softens, and he sets aside his exercise equipment for a moment to hold you in his arms. "I missed you too," he replies, returning your affection with a passionate kiss, reminding each other that even in the busiest of times, your love was always a priority. “how about I finish up really quickly, and then we can go out somewhere together?”

you smile and nod. 

“now, I could use a liittle more motivation to finish this set."

huening kai - when he’s practicing the piano

you peek in through the door that kai often used to practice, the sight and sound of your boyfriend’s fingers dancing across the piano making you smile. he notices your presence and stops. “oh? hi princess!”

you ignore his words and walk over to the stool where he was seated. you cup his face in your hands and kiss him softly, making him sigh happily.

“mmph- sit.” he manages to let out through kisses. 

“huh?” 

“sit on my lap.” he smiles at you.

you chuckle softly, a blush coloring your cheeks as you comply with his request. you gently sit on his lap, arms circling around his neck while you continue to shower him with affectionate kisses. a piano bench isn’t the most comfortable for two people on top of each other, but in this moment, with kai’s fingers lingering on your waist, it was the most comfortable place in the world. 

“I missed you, y’know…” you confess quietly, pulling back to rest your forehead against his. kai chuckles and tilts his head in confusion. “I haven’t gone anywhere, though?”

“I know, silly! but sometimes, even when you’re here, I miss you,” you sheepishly try to explain your feelings, starting to feel a bit embarrassed, “sorry if it doesn’t make sense…” 

kai’s expression softens, and he holds you a little tighter. “no no, I understand! I feel that way too sometimes,”  

“can we stay like this for a while?” you ask. 

“of course, princess.”

[shinysobi]

pretty u

summary: when joshua, your best friend gets engaged, you can't help but feel as though you're missing out on something important. jihoon, your other best friend, kindly offers to set you up with one of his many friends. chaos ensues, seungkwan is an observer who knows everything, and unfortunately, mingyu is a hapless victim.

pairing: woozi x fem!reader

genre: crack, fluff, angst

word count: 10k~ish

warnings: alcohol consumption, general warnings apply

a/n: angst central again lmao but there's something good for everyone ig hehe also dedicated to gigi, who's been the first reader of this hehe

a/n 2: reblogs/comments/likes are, as always, much appreciated! tell me if you like it lmao

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3

Chapter 3

I learnt, at a very young age, that the best thing to do in any situation, is to ultimately do nothing. If you do nothing, then you will never fail. I’ve managed to spend my entire life doing the bare minimum, but right now? Right now, with Jihoon’s face half a feet away from mine, close enough for me to see the dried tears on his cheeks, I begin to wonder if it’s the best thing to do.

“You should say something,” Jihoon says, wiping his face, “I didn’t run half a mile uphill just for you to say nothing.”

What does he actually want me to say? I’ve furiously racked my brain to find the correct words to say to him; in the aftermath of the argument, but I’ve always come up empty. Its odd, and strangely humbling, this experience. Should I even say something? Am I allowed to? Jihoon stares at me, and it’s only then that I realise, he’s still holding my hands.

“I’m sorry.” I say, “I’m sorry for everything I said that night.”

“No, you were right. I shouldn’t have forced all those decisions on you when you were not—are not ready.” Jihoon says, “but I really can’t imagine myself in a world where I am not your friend.”

He leans down, picking up a plant, “for your kitchen garden. Your chive plant died last month.”

I take it from him, the lingering warmth of his hands on my skin, “this is your idea of a housewarming gift?”

“This is all I could get at such short notice,” he replies, “all the other stores were closed, so I got this from a street vendor.”

“That’s—unexpectedly sweet of you, Jihoon,” I say, turning to place the pot on the floor, “do you want to come in?”

Jihoon nods, before slipping off his shoes and his jacket, entering my still-unfurnished house. All of a sudden, I’m self-conscious about the state of the place, even if he has seen worse. What am I doing, getting worked up over Jihoon entering my home?

“Look,” he begins, standing in the middle of the kitchen, “these past few weeks have been a personal kind of hell for me. I know you don’t care, but I’m just putting it out there. Life without you, without seeing you every day, without talking to you, has been hell, and I don’t want to live in it anymore.”

“Jihoon,” I begin, but he holds up a hand, silencing me.

“I’ve felt like shit, knowing that you’re just out of my reach, to the point where even if I reach for you, you won’t be able to see me, to talk to me, to be the kind of person I know and love, and it’s been excruciating, having to live with that knowledge.”

“Jihoon, what are you trying to get at?”

He takes a deep breath, as if readying himself for something horrible, “what I mean to say, is that I lied.”

“What? You lied about what, Jihoon?”

“It’s about—” he throws up his hands, “don’t you have any alcohol around here? Why do I have to have this conversation with you while sober?”

“Jihoon, I just moved in today. Of course, I don’t have alcohol, you idiot.” I cross my arms over my chest, “if you have nothing else to say, then you should leave. It’s getting late, and I have a lot of work left to do around the house tomorrow. If all you came here for was to apologise  then it’s fine, I accept your apology—”

“Damn, woman, will you let me finish? I’m trying to get at something!”

“Well then, get at it faster!”

“I lied about getting over you!”

One thing I hate about this apartment is how silent it is.  In my previous apartment, at all times of the night, there would be someone making a noise, and I hated how it would disturb my sleep. Right now, there’s silence. There’s silence and then there’s us, standing in the half-dark. Jihoon looks like he wants to say something, but has been holding himself back. 

“What-what do you mean?” I say, after what seems like a lifetime, “what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I said that I lied about getting over you. I liked you back when I was doing my military service, and I still like you now.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I can assure you, I’m just as serious about this as I am with my work.”

“Then are you saying—”

“I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time, and I think I’ll continue liking you for a long time.”

“Jihoon, I don’t like you like that.”

“I know,” Jihoon looks pained, and for the first time in my life, I want to lie and say that no, Jihoon, I like you too, but I can’t, “look, my feelings are my own. You don’t have to reciprocate them. You and I are separate people, and I don’t want to impose my feelings on you.”

“Then why did you say all this?” my voice communicates all my frustration, “then why did you come here and tell me all this, if you didn’t want to sway me? You were the person who kept telling me to move on, and now you come here and tell me this?”

“Because I felt like I was dying!” Jihoon yells, “not talking to you, not seeing you, not being able to text you, all this made me feel like I was dying. I didn’t tell you anything because I wanted to preserve our friendship, but when I can’t see you around, my heart feels as though it’s stopped functioning. All I could think about was you.”

“Jihoon,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t betray my frustrations, “you don’t like me in a romantic light.”

“Don’t presume my feelings.”

“I’m not! I’m just pointing out that we have been friends for a long time, and that your feelings for me might just be you overthinking your feelings of friendship and thinking its something else when really, its just friendship. I don’t think you like me romantically, Jihoon. I think you’re just confused.”

Jihoon doesn’t say anything for a long time. I would have felt better if he had cursed me, or if he had become angry, but all that remains of Jihoon right now, in this moment, is someone whose feelings are replaced with—just nothing.

Jihoon checks his watch, “look, it’s late, you should get some sleep.”

He turns around,  opening the door, and pauses for a moment before turning around. “I don’t care if you’ve stopped, or if you’re terrified of moving forward. I’ll stay there with you until you’re ready. I don’t care how long it takes.”

“And another thing.”

“Yes?” I ask, voice cracking in the middle of the word. This is going to haunt me in my nightmares.

“Your dream,” Jihoon says, hand on the door handle, “I’ll help you fulfil it. No matter what it takes.”

—

Seungkwan is at my door the next morning, even before I’m fully dressed, carrying a box of Jeju oranges. Even before I can open the door fully, he’s in my apartment, staring at my face. 

“My mom sent these for you, by the way,” he says, then takes a look at my face, “whoa, Sunbae, you look like you haven’t slept all night.”

“I know, I know,”  I mutter, “just had some things to think about, that’s all.”

“Think about?” Seungkwan starts to unpack my crockeries, “you look like hell. I’m not kidding, you look awful.”

“Wow, thanks, Seungkwan, that sounds like a great compliment.” I mutter, settling down into a chair, “coming into my home on a Saturday and telling me I look ugly, way to make a girl feel great.”

“I’m not being sarcastic, I’m concerned. There’s a difference.” He sits in the chair next to mine, “is there anything I can help with?”

“Seungkwan, you’re sweet, but this is something I can’t really talk about.” I mutter, “some things aren’t meant to be shared with everyone.”

And really, what can I say? ‘oh, don’t worry, Seungkwan, my best friend since university, the person with whom I haven’t been talking to for the past few weeks, came to my apartment last night to confess that he had feelings for me?’ How does one even begin that conversation? Not to mention the embarrassment that Jihoon would face if I were to ever spill the beans to the guys. He’s always been intensely private, even in his romantic affairs. To spill his secrets would just be cruel.

It's really, really not as though I haven’t received romantic confessions. There have been people who have asked me out, who have said that they liked me, from university classmates to people at work. Even in school, when all I could think about were university entrance examinations, and how I had to get into a university in Seoul because that was where my sister went too, I had a few people tell me they had feelings for me, I have had people get angry when I turned them down, I’ve had people get sad when I said, no, I’m sorry. Yet, all this feels new. What do you actually say when someone you’ve known for years, tells you that they hold feelings for you? What is the appropriate thing to say, especially if you don’t know what your own feelings are?

“You know, I grew up with three older sisters, right?”

“Yes, you keep reminding me of it every other day.”

“Yes, so,” Seungkwan leans forward, inspecting my face, “you look like you’ve got something weighing down on your mind. And while I might not be Joshua-hyung or Jihoon-hyung, I can be a pretty good listener.”

“No, I don’t think I can tell you this. It’s not my secret to tell, and even then, I don’t want to burden you with something that shouldn’t be your responsibility in the first place.”

“Sunbae,” Seungkwan asks, “does this have anything to do with Jihoon-hyung?”

I stare at him. “When did you get so fucking perceptive?”

“So, it is,” he leans back in his chair, self-satisfied and smug as hell, “I knew it. I knew he’d do something like this.”

“You knew?” I ask, and Seungkwan nods, “you knew, and you didn’t think of telling me? not even once? Not even a single heads-up?”

“And? What would we even say? ‘Jihoon-hyung likes you, please be advised he might try to confess his feelings?’ Would you have even liked it?”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.” I shake my head, “really? This is something everyone knew about?”

Seungkwan nods, “I think most of us are aware of Jihoon-hyung’s feelings towards you, given how he acts.”

I hold up a hand, “Wait, pause. How he acts? What do you mean, how he acts? I’ve never seen him be anything other than perfectly normal with me.”

“That’s the problem with you,” Seungkwan clarifies, “your baseline is different when it comes to Jihoon-hyung. He treats you much more differently than he does all of us, and you’ve never noticed? Not even once?”

“No, clearly, I haven’t, Seungkwan, explain.”

Seungkwan takes a deep breath, as if trying to gather his thoughts into a proper sequence, and begins, “well, for once, he always does what you want, even if he is initially against it. With anyone else? You can’t even convince him to lift a single finger, but he drove all the way to the restaurant that one time, dropping the recording for Soonyoung’s new album. Sure, he didn’t get in trouble, but he did that just because you called.”

“He ran out of a recording session?” I have to repeat myself, because in all the years that I have known Jihoon, he’s always put his work before everything else. In university, he spent days and nights in the makeshift recording studio he had in his home, only venturing out to get food once every two days. Even his recording studio was off-limits to us, until he had finished working on a project. That Jihoon left Soonyoung in the middle of a recording session to come pick me up because I was drunk? “Should I apologise to Soonyoung?”

“The only person you should be apologising to, is me,” Seungkwan send me a dirty look that would have anyone else cringing, “I come here to help you unpack and decorate your home, and this is what I have to hear?”

“You’re a traitor. You’ve been hiding Jihoon’s feelings from me for god knows how long, and now you expect me to be nice to you? Get a grip on yourself.”

“This is,” Seungkwan wags a finger at me, “this is just shooting the messenger. You think the others haven’t kept his secret from you?”

“What? Even Jeonghan-oppa? He’s betrayed me too?”

Seungkwan smiles, “there are no allies in this stupid game you both are playing. We’ve all known about his feelings ever since he came back from the military and hung up that stupid photo of the two of you on his wall. He would have had it framed it if the quality wasn’t like it was taken on a microwave.”

I think about the picture, Jihoon with the flat cap and me beside him, flashing a wide, toothy smile. “He tried to get it framed?”

“Seungcheol-hyung had to talk him out of it, because it’s insane, having a picture of another girl framed and putting in your bedroom while you’re trying to get a girlfriend is not the best thing to do, in retrospect.”

“Ah yes, wasn’t this when he was dating the music major? The intern at the office?” I’m trying to keep my voice light, but unfortunately, I know everything about his past relationships, the serious and the casual. The girls at university, the intern he dated for a month before she dumped him, and the office worker who he dated for a year before she finally grew sick of him and left. “I don’t remember them that well.”

“Liar. You remember every detail.” Seungkwan grins, “just like Jihoon-hyung can recite the names of all your exes backwards if he wanted to, “You remember every detail about all of Jihoon-hyung’s relationships. Yes, this was when he was dating the intern, and Seungcheol-hyung pointed out that it probably would not be the best look to frame a picture of the girl your girlfriend hates, and put it in your bedroom where you could see it every morning and every night.”

“May we all thank Seungcheol-oppa for his infinite wisdom.” I say, and Seungkwan gives me a high five, “wait, she hated me? but I was nice to her! And not fake nice, which is what I generally am, I was actually nice to her!”

“She still hated you, though. There was nothing you could do about that relationship.”

“Really?”

“Really. It’s the same the other way around, too. Remember when you were dating that artist who hated the idea of Jihoon-hyung being around?”

“Oh, him? I remember that. He once tore down all the pictures I had with Jihoon, insisting that I was cheating on him. in his defence, we were twenty-three, so, I don’t blame him for making bad choices.”

Seungkwan groans, “this way, it’s going to take at least a hundred years before you wake up, too. Sunbae! Have you not realised it yet, or do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Realised what?”

“That you like hyung as well? That its not just him who’s chasing, but also you?”

I scoff, “no, I don’t like Jihoon! I don’t know why you are saying this, but I don’t like Jihoon. He’s simply a friend of mine.”

“You once drove to Hwacheon in the middle of winter for his birthday.”

“That’s different! It was his birthday, he was in the military, I had to do something! Besides, he only got one day for his leave, and none of you guys could go.”

“Sunbae, driving to Hwacheon is a bit too much, don’t you think?” Seungkwan stares at me, “you’re telling me you drove through snow and went halfway to North Korea for your friend?”

“Yes! No! I don’t know!” I wail, falling onto the floor on a heap, “all I know is that I want Jihoon in my life. I can’t live without him; these past few weeks, its as though life has lost its meaning for me. I don’t find my work fun anymore; I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I can’t give him up.”

“I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty romantic to me.”

I narrow my eyes, “you’re just enjoying the fun, aren’t you?”

Seungkwan giggles, “and what if I tell you I am?”

“I’d kill you.”

Seungkwan says nothing, just continues to grin as though he’s watching a sitcom, or a variety show. What would a variety show based on my life look like? Something like I Live Alone, but entirely for people struggling with romance problems; if I worked in a bigger broadcasting company,  I would have pitched this idea. People would get on there, and just talk about their romance problems.

“Sunbae—no, noona.”

Seungkwan calling me by the familiar honorific catches my attention. Since I have known him, Seungkwan has never once referred to me in that familiar a tone, always with the more respectful sunbae, reserved for departmental seniors. Especially since joining the news desk, he has refused to call me anything but. It gives me a sense of respect, obviously, but it also seems as though he has always kept me at arm’s length.

“You’re being familiar with me, Seungkwan,” I say, “what’s happened?”

He sits next to me on the floor, staring at me, “noona, have you ever really done anything for yourself?”

I give him a look. “What do you mean, if I have done anything for myself? Everything I do is for myself; I think we’ve established that. If you made a list of the most selfish people you know, I would probably rank top five in there.”

“That’s what you think. You always keep talking about how you’re doing things for yourself, but in reality, all you do, is based on the needs of others.”

“I think you’re trying to make me into a martyr, Seungkwan, when all I have done is be a selfish person.”

“I also think that you consider yourself to be a selfish person because that’s what you’ve been taught to believe.”

“Seungkwan,” I say, mildly, “look at the society we live in. its either hyper individualistic, or it’s based on outdated systems of collective identity; either way, I’m not actually doing anything I want to do myself. It is all things I’ve been taught. How to be, how to act, how to think.”

“And that isn’t wrong, per se, but you have to think, at some point, that your existence is based on how others think of you. Even with Jihoon-hyung, you’re just going off of what we might think of you, what he might think of you. Have you even figured out your own feelings?”

“And what if we break up? What if I say to Jihoon, that yes, I’d like to date you too, but we break up soon? Within one month, two months? I’m terrified of losing him, to the point where I’m happy to be his friend just to keep him in my life. Why else do you think I rejected him?”

“You rejected him?” Seungkwan screeches, “noona, you’re in love with him, and you rejected him?”

“Being friends with him is more important to me than being his girlfriend,” I say, “to be his girlfriend is something I don’t want to imagine.”

“Because you don’t want to be his girlfriend, or because you don’t want to get your hopes up?”

I groan, lying back down on the floor, “I don’t know, and I don’t want to think about it either.”

Seungkwan smiles, “hey maybe, you should try and think about what you want to do, before doing what everyone else expects of you. Even if that’s what you are going to end up doing anyway, maybe, you should at least be aware of what you want.”

—

On Monday, I walk into the office with my eyes bloodshot, and dark circles underneath them, ten minutes after the team meeting has begun. Both the Editor and the Assistant Editor take one look at my face and decide not to tell me anything for showing up late to the meeting.

“We were talking about your column, Sunbae,” Haewon says as I nurse my coffee, “the readers loved it. We’ve been getting so many responses and letters to the office after you began the column.”

“We are?” I ask, “who the hell is screening through the letters, then?”

“I am,” the Assistant Editor says, “I figured you didn’t need one more thing on your plate, and I sorted out whatever you had to. For the first time in a long while, we have fan mail coming to the office.”

“Huh?” I catch the last part of that sentence, “we have fan mail?”

“Yes, and a lot of it, too,” the Assistant editor smiles at me, “at this rate, we might start a radio show if we have the funds for it.”

“We’ll never have the funds for it,” I wave a hand, “having a radio show is out of the question.”

“Still, it seems nice that the desk is getting a lot of other attention too, other than doing book reviews and movie reviews.” The editor says.

“You do realise, all this is coming at the expense of my sleep?” I grumble, “this is the worst idea you could ever have. A radio show? I can barely talk to people. You want me to go on a show and talk to people in real-time?”

“Yes, yes, which is why we are not thinking about it,” the Editor clarifies, “you just need to continue writing the column as you have been. That much is enough for the desk.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, Sunbae,” Seungkwan slides an energy drink towards me, “it’s enough for the desk if you just do things as they come by. No one is asking you to do more than what’s required.”

“You say that now, Seungkwan, but pretty soon they’ll be asking favours from you, too.” I smile at him, “don’t let anyone walk over you here. Its difficult to stop them once you’ve begun letting them have their way.”

During lunch break, Seungkwan sidles up to me in the cafeteria, where the members of the desk have congregated (on news of them serving galbi-tang), and asks, “Sunbae, have you finished moving in? Jeonghan-hyung wanted me to invite you to a party this weekend.”

“Why didn’t he invite me himself?” I ask through a mouthful of beef, “has he lost my number?”

“No, he’ll probably invite you personally, but he wanted me to tell you beforehand.”

I narrow my eyebrows, “what am I, some sort of minister? Why are there levels of protocol when approaching me for an event?”

Seungkwan shrugs, “you know how Jeonghan-hyung is. You once told him you were uncomfortable at a party, and he’s taken that to heart ever since.”

I roll my eyes. The party in question was one thrown in the first year of university, after appropriate introductions had been made, and me and Jihoon had been invited out to a party by Joshua and his friends, where I got blind drunk and regretted it the next morning. Ever since that night, the boys have been particular about when to invite me out, none more so than Jeonghan, who apparently vetted all his invitations through Seungkwan, “tell him I’ll be there. And from now on, don’t let him vet his applications through you. If he wants to invite me out, he can call me himself. I don’t mind.”

“You do realise, if I relay your message verbatim to hyung, he’s going to be even more cautious of you?”

“Well, I’ll tell him myself, then.”

“Don’t tell him.”

I stare at Seungkwan, who looks serious, “really, sunbae, let other people care about you once in a while. Jeonghan-hyung is only mindful of your boundaries because he doesn’t want to overstep. He doesn’t see you as a burden, or as someone he needs to treat with kid gloves for the rest of his life.”

“Well, doesn’t matter what he thinks. If he continues to treat me like I’m a child, others might get annoyed with his actions.”

“Others? You mean the people that respect you and are cognizant of your boundaries and your shortcomings?” Seungkwan places a piece of meat in my rice bowl, I’m almost done with eating, “sunbae, people that make accommodations for you aren’t doing it because they secretly hate you, or that they’re bothered by your presence in events. They’re doing it because they want you to be there, and they like you enough to go out of their way to make a place for you at the table.”

“Seungkwan, this is much more complicated than that.”

“I don’t see why it has to be so complicated,” he says, standing up, “you keep being kind to people, but when they want to extend that same kindness to you, you reject it, saying its excessive. Aren’t you hurting yourself in the long run?”

“Seungkwan,” I hold my head in my hands, “I can’t just change my way of thinking.”

“Yes, I know,” he shakes his head, “just that—you should try at least.”

—

When I enter my apartment that evening, there’s a cloud hanging over my head. Its not simply the absence of Jihoon, but also Seungkwan’s words. To think that I haven’t been trying to accept the attentions of people, well, why am I trying to deny it? its correct.

My phone rings, and I pick it up without even checking the caller ID, “hello?”

“I had to hear from Jihoon that you had moved.”

I sigh. This is the last think I wanted to do at this moment, have a conversation with my mother, “sorry, I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to talk to anyone. I was too busy with work these past few weeks.”

“Still, it would have been nice to know that you moved, from you, and not from Jihoon.”

“Wait, mom, why—why are you talking to Jihoon instead of me?”

My mother laughs on the other end. It’s a nice thing, to hear her laugh, “because Jihoon, no, not just him, all of your friends call me more than you do. Jihoon even came by our house a few weeks ago, and had a meal with us.”

I sigh, “really, Jihoon—he’s going to piss me off at this rate.”

“No, don’t take out your frustrations on Jihoon. He’s a nice boy.”

I wonder how my mother would react if I told her that her ‘nice boy’ stormed into my apartment and told me he was in love with me ever since he went for his military service. She would probably jump with joy. “Sorry, mom,” I say, hoping my thoughts aren’t seeping into my voice, “I just started a new column at work.”

“Really? That’s so nice, I hope they aren’t overworking you.”

“No, mom, they’re not. I came home right on time today.”

“That’s good.” She says. I say nothing. What else is there to say? For someone who’s been alienated form their family for so long, all that remains is a string of hollow formalities and conversations that die out in a moment.

“How’s my sister?” I ask, in an effort to continue the conversation, “has she talked to you recently?”

My mother perks right up, “have I told you, your sister is getting married? She’s marrying Yong-Hwa in the spring. Has she not told you yet?”

In fact, my sister had told me, had told me how she was getting married to the love of her life, a prosecutor, and how she was envisioning the rest of her life with him, with children, a happy home, and more. It made me jealous; to see someone achieve their dreams when you are struggling with your own is not an easy thing.

“I heard,” I say, “how’s dad? Are his health problems persisting? Should I send more vitamins?”

“No, no, he’s perfectly fine. He’s still working as a lawyer, even though the doctor has told him not to. He says he’ll continue to work till he’s eighty.”

“Hah…dealing with father is tiring, isn’t it?” I groan, “I’ll come down the next time I get some time off. I’ll talk him into retiring properly.”

“You don’t have to do that,” my mother says, “knowing that you’re working hard is good enough for me, at least, this way, I can think that you’re doing well.”

“That’s good, then,” I reply, “sorry, mom, I’m getting another call. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, but don’t go for too long without talking to us.”

This is fine. To know that my parents are doing well, its okay. I can hold on for longer if that’s what helps them. I’ll be the daughter they’re proud of.

—

I’ve been wandering for far too long. Always trying to be the best version of myself. But what lies at the end of this journey? Is it just a means of fulfilling my parents’ wishes?

On most days, I want to be alone. So, I push people away, just to benefit myself. It has got nothing to do with how I feel about them, it’s just how I feel most at ease. I’ve always been on my own, its just easier. Its easier to be the person people relied on, instead of the person who had to rely on others. But just for once, I’d like someone to tell me that it will be okay. It will be okay to break down, that it will be okay if I fail. My life has been so barren, that even trying to do anything otherwise is too much. For so long I’ve been someone whose life has been dictated by the wishes of others, that I fear I wont even be able to live well if I decided to live by my own.

What does it mean, to have a dream? I had a letter sent to me, saying that their dream is to find happiness on their own. Well, happiness is something that comes after a long time. I’m searching for it too, but I hope you find it, sincerely. To walk towards happiness isn’t something that’s easy. But I appreciate you for taking that step. To walk towards what you want. What you need.

There’s another letter, that says, ‘I don’t have a dream yet’. Don’t worry, a dream isn’t something that’s complicated. They aren’t supposed to be; you’re supposed to find something that makes you happy, that makes you want to live again. That’s all. that is all there is to a dream. All around us, people are living day to day, they’re living without finding what makes them happy. I hope it finds you soon.

I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to find something that gives me purpose. The way I’m living now, it’s enough for me, to live an average existence, to live in a way that gives me peace, if not happiness.

What happens when that peace is taken away, too?

—

Jeonghan throws good parties. That’s a given. It’s not as though he invites many people, or that his parties are a riot of good fun, but he always makes people feel at ease, if not with his actions, then with his words. Its who he is. A source of constant comfort, that I feel guilty for trying to take advantage of.

I arrive at his house after finishing work with a bottle of wine, hesitating before I press the doorbell. Jeonghan lives in a house in the middle of Seoul that he got for dirt cheap because the people who lived in there were violently murdered in the early ‘00s, a fact that I had asked him about once, and he had simply brushed it of by saying that if there were ghosts, he would befriend them. I’d given up on asking him after that one exchange.

The door opens within ten seconds of me ringing the doorbell, and Jeonghan greets me with a wide smile, “I thought you wouldn’t come! Can I give you a hug?”

I nod, “I told you I would be there,” but the rest of my sentence is drowned out by Jeonghan enveloping me into a large hug. He smells like an expensive perfume, mixed with the familiar smell of chicken and beer. Ah, so its that kind of party.

“Make yourself at home, the rest of them already have.” He says, ushering me into the living room, “the rest of the boys are already here. We were just waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?”

“Because, my dear writer, you’ve always turned down any invites for parties for five years now. Now that you’ve accepted my invite, you’re the star of this gathering.”

I don’t say anything, but my discomfort must have shown on my face, because he suddenly stops me, “hey, just so you know, I meant that as a joke. Seungcheol just got a big promotion at work, so he’s been bragging about that for an hour now. I doubt anyone will pay attention to you.”

“That’s nice.”

All around the low table, there are cans of beer, snacks, and boxes of fried chicken. Jeonghan must have prepared for a lot of people to come. Seungcheol is talking about his job, how he was now the team manager of marketing, and how happy it made him, to have so much responsibility at such a young age. There’s Chan, Vernon, and Seungkwan, gossiping about their respective fields of work, and Mingyu is sleeping on the end of the table, while Minghao and Wonwoo talk about how work has been nowadays. Jun is noticeably missing from the group, but I can see him in the kitchen, making himself another drink, and then, there’s Jihoon. Seated between Joshua and Seokmin, talking about something I can’t hear. I stand still in my tracks, unable to move. What do I say? After rejecting him so painfully, what do I say? I’m sorry, Jihoon? Sorry about what? Sorry about not being able to accept genuine affection in the fears that it might ruin the one good thing I have for myself?

“Aren’t you going to sit?” Jeonghan asks, gesturing to a seat beside Jihoon, “I thought you would be more comfortable if you sat beside Jihoon, since you’ve known him for longer.”

In fact, I’d rather sit anywhere other than beside Jihoon, but I take the seat next to him gingerly, and Seokmin eagerly moves over. Seokmin is like a child, eager, soft around the edges, and someone you want to protect, no matter what. Maybe if I could look into people’s minds, Seokmin’s would be pure, devoid of any harshness of the world; is that why I tried to protect him even when I had no right to?

“Noona,” Seokmin giggles, “have I told you about the play I’m performing in? I’ll give you a ticket, so you have to come, okay?”

His energy is so infectious, I can’t help but smile with him, “of course, I’ll come to see you.”

“Are you okay?” Jihoon asks, his voice so quiet I barely miss it, “you don’t really come to occasions like these.”

“Felt like it,” I mutter, “new year, new me, or should I say new apartment, new me?”

Jihoon laughs, “yeah, you seem like you’ve changed. Your hands are shaking.”

I look down at my hands, and true enough, they’re shaking. Whether from nervousness or something else entirely, I don’t know, but they’re shaking. I ball my hands into fists. Whatever happens, don’t let anyone know what you’re going through. “just tired, perhaps.”

“You have been working too much,” Joshua pipes up, “you never reply to any of my texts anymore.”

“That’s because you keep asking me about flower arrangements,” I reply, “why would I look at flowers when I can’t smell them?”

“Sunbae is very busy at the news desk,” Seungkwan pipes up, “did you know, she has a new co—”

“Shut up, Seungkwan,” I  mutter, reaching over to stuff a chicken leg in his mouth, “the work has been just harder these few days.”

Jihoon stares at me; it’s the same look he has in his eyes whenever he’s landed on something to probe, and sure enough, he asks, “why? What’s going on at the office?”

“Nothing!” I say, far too quick for it to even go past Seokmin or Joshua, (whom everyone, not just me, have deemed as the most scammable) “its nothing! Seungkwan just wanted to brag about his workload to everyone else.”

“Why the fuck would he do that?” Vernon asks, but is largely ignored by Jeonghan (my angel prince saviour Jeonghan) who arrives with drinks, a grumpy Jun in tow, announcing, “who wants shots!” and despite pushing thirty, Seungcheol, who had paused bragging about his work promotion, raised his hands, grabbing one of the shot glasses. Even Mingyu wakes up from his nap, raising his hand in the air and grabbing one of the shot glasses. They’re all going to regret it, I think to myself, then, feeling Jihoon’s eyes on me, grab a couple of the shot glasses myself. The drink is sugary, and multicoloured (Jun once wanted to be a bartender in university). It goes down far smoother than expected, since I’ve had Jun’s drinks since university, and they have tasted like battery acid far too many times for me to expect something nice out of his concoctions.

“This is actually nice,” Chan says, “hyung, what did you put in this?”

“Won’t be telling you,” Jun pulls a face, “you’ll just make it for other people and then take credit for it.”

Of course, this ensues in a squabble, with Chan loudly protesting that he would never do that to his beloved Jun-hyung (he would, I know) and Jun proclaiming that Chan is nothing but a dirty jerk who wants to put his grubby little hands, on Jun’s hard work and his creation (most likely, it was from a Reddit forum on bartending). One by one, the rest of them enter the argument, and I lean back into my seat, laughing at their antics. Its always chaos when I meet the boys, but somehow, its also peaceful. They’re loud, boisterous, and from whatever pictures Joshua and Jihoon had shared from their one shared ‘boys’ trip’, dirty as hell (these people laid out a carpet of towels instead of just drying their feet) but they know how to put someone’s mind at ease. Or at least, my mind at ease. I don’t know about others.

Its almost two in the morning when they quiet down. Jeonghan might have bought this house because it was dirt cheap and he wanted to make friends with the ghosts, but this house has one of the most gorgeous verandas I’ve ever seen. It looks out onto a peaceful Seoul street, and in the middle of the night, there’s no one here to complain if I smoke a cigarette.

I light one up, letting out a puff of air as I sit down on the marble flooring. It has been a long time since I smoked a cigarette (three days), and some of the smoke goes into my eyes when I let it out of my lungs. Its not enough to make me cough, but my eyes water nonetheless.

“You can smoke inside, if you want.” Jeonghan appears at the corner of my field of vision, “in fact, I think Minghao is smoking one right now.”

“Just wanted to get away from the noise a little,” I say, shaking the cigarette, “want to sit beside me?”

He shrugs, but crosses his legs and sits beside me on the marble flooring anyway.

After barely a minute, he turns to me, and without any warning, says, “so, has Jihoon told you he’s in love with you?”

I start coughing. Big, hacking coughs, and he just stares at me while I recover. I cannot believe I called him my saviour. “What—what do you mean?”

Jeonghan, the irritating bastard, still has that same, serene smile on his face, “you can’t possibly think that we all spent the last few years with our eyes closed now, have you? We’ve all known about Jihoon’s feelings for you, and now that you’re here, I can see that its reciprocated.”

“Wha-how are you even making these assumptions? I don’t have any feelings for him!” I whisper, “and yes, I know about his feelings. Even if they caught me somewhat by surprise, I’m aware of what kind of feelings he has for me.”

“And?” he leans close, “how does that make you feel?”

“How should it make you feel? I feel worried.”

“Worried?” he pulls a face, “if you wanted to get him off of your back, you’d say something like ‘I feel uncomfortable’, but you aren’t, because you don’t really feel uncomfortable, do you?”

I stare at him, fuck Jeonghan and his perceptive nature. “it’s not that I don’t feel uncomfortable, I just-don’t see the point in his confession.”

“Why? Why would a mere confession have you feeling this way? If you don’t want to accept it, then just say so. No one here,” Jeonghan points to the room, “will fault you for that. In fact, I think they’ll all commend you for it. Jihoon can be a tad bit difficult at times.”

I scoff, “he’s not difficult, he’s just—Jihoon.”

Jeonghan laughs, “see, I knew it. I knew there was something else there that you weren’t letting on. Now, come on, tell me,” and then spreads his arms wide, “tell oppa what’s bothering you.”

“If you refer to yourself as oppa again, I might have to kill you.”

This time, he laughs loud enough for people to hear inside, “fine, fine. I won’t be doing that anymore. But tell me, my dear writer, have you never thought about it? even once?”

I shrug, “of course I have. Everyone has those kinds of thoughts once in a while, I’m no different from the others, of course I’ve thought about it.”

“And?”

I shake my head, “nothing good will ever come out of it, because it’s a fifty-fifty chance. We either stick together until the end of time, or we break up and I can’t interact with him ever again.”

“So, you’d prefer to not try at all.”

“Yes, that’s exactly it.”

Jeonghan says nothing for a long time, and then finally, shrugs, “it’s your choice. If you don’t want to do something, then you shouldn’t force yourself to. But can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“When did he say that he started having feelings for you?”

I think for a moment, “since his military service.”

Jeonghan grins, sly, just the way I know his smile works, “As someone who’s seen Jihoon since his university days, I can tell you something. He’s got it wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Yes. He’s liked you since the day you walked into his life. There has been no moment in time when he was not in love with you. He might have realised it late in life, but he’s always been in love with you.”

I stare. Jeonghan isn’t the kind of person who makes random statements, so for him to say this, its strange. Jihoon has been in love with me ever since the first day? but that doesn’t make sense. “You do realise he’s dated other people too, while he was friends with me?”

“Of course, I know that. Both you and him have been running away from your actual feelings, but that doesn’t make it any more apparent that you have both been in love with each other since the day you met. Or at least, it has been that way for Jihoon.”

With that, Jeonghan stands up, dusting off his trousers, “there’s a guest bedroom in there for you. If you’re tired, just go inside and sleep.”

I look inside, where Chan is currently trying to balance a beer can on his forehead, “and the rest of them?”

“The rest of them can sleep on the couch,” he says, “it’s the least they can do after creating such a ruckus in my own home.”

“But you invited them.”

There’s a slightly evil glint in his eyes as he says, “yes, yes I did.”

—

The next morning, I wake up to people talking all over themselves, and the smell of pancakes wafting in the air. That has got to be Joshua. After cleaning up in the attached bathroom, I walk out of the guest bedroom, coming face-to-face with Jun, who’s carrying in his hands a very large tray, heaped with pancakes and a singular glass of milk.

“Is this for me?” I ask, and he nods, gesturing towards the kitchen, where Joshua is busy cooking a meal for thirteen people. Or fourteen, if you count me.

“Sorry, I can’t have breakfast right now,” I sidestep past him, and Jun follows me out into the kitchen, “sorry, but I have to leave right now.”

“Without having breakfast?” Jun asks, setting the tray down, where Chan promptly picks one up and stuffs it into his face, “you should have something at least.”

“Had too much to drink last night,” I offer up as a feeble excuse, avoiding Jihoon’s gaze. It’s strange, piercing in a way that I am not really used to, “I should probably get going. There’s still so much to be done in my apartment.”

“Speaking of apartments,” Wonwoo speaks through a mouthful of pancake, “when are you going to call us all over?”

“As soon as I can,” I reply, “I’ll host a potluck. You all can bring a dish, and it’ll be a party.”

“Instead of that, just make Mingyu cook,” Soonyoung grins, “he’ll be eager to help if it involves you. And cooking. But mostly, you.”

I open my mouth to say something, but Jihoon stands up, slipping on his stupid khaki jacket, “here, I’ll give you a ride. Come on, then.”

“Ah but hyung, you still have so much on your plate—” Chan is promptly cut off in the middle of his sentence by a swift elbow to the ribs by Seungkwan, “hyung! Why the hell did you do that?”

Jihoon ignores the squabble currently breaking out at the dining table, and stares at me, his car keys dangling from his left hand, “want to come?”

Before I can say anything to accept the offer of a ride, Soonyoung raises a hand, “Jihoon, weren’t you supposed to meet the other producers and sound engineers today? I’m supposed to be there too, but will you not be attending?”

Even though Jeonghan hisses at Soonyoung to shut up, I can already see the cogs in Jihoon’s mind turning. Clearly, he wanted to talk to me, or at least, he wanted to make an effort to talk to me, “I’ll take a taxi, then.” I say, trying to make an excuse for myself, “don’t worry, Jihoon, you don’t have to drop me home.”

“No, I can drop you off and then go to the office,” he begins, but Joshua cuts him off (while wearing a Rilakkuma apron) saying, “can’t Mingyu take her home? He’s going in the same direction as her, so he can drop her easily. You don’t have to overexert yourself and drop her off at the apartment when you’re going in the opposite direction.”

While not one to turn down a free ride, I raise my hand to complain that I don’t need to take Mingyu’s car to go back home, but Mingyu walks into the room at that moment, and before I can say anything, Joshua turns to him, saying, “are you going back home right now?”

“Yes, hyung, I’m off for the weekend since Minghao is handling the meetings this time around,” he says brightly, “I can drop her off!”

“That’s settled, then,” Chan announces, “Jihoon-hyung can take Soonyoung to the company.”

“You brat,” Soonyoung scowls, “why is Jihoon hyung and I’m just Soonyoung? Do you have no respect for your elders?”

“I once saw you vomit into a flowerpot,” Chan says, “at that moment, you lost all respect in my eyes.”

Before another scuffle can break out over breakfast, Mingyu says loudly, “I’m leaving then!”

—

I’m a big fan of travelling in silence. Even if it is with someone I like, I prefer to sit in silence and contemplate, instead of chattering on about my life. That’s a lie. Mingyu chatters on and on about the new collection and how its selling better than he or Minghao expected, “This is such great news for a fashion brand that was launched less than a decade ago, noona,” he says, while driving his fancy car, and I sit still in my seat and pray that he hasn’t noticed the awkwardness between me and Jihoon. I don’t expect him to notice, either. Mingyu might be nice and well-meaning, but he’s also painfully oblivious.

Which is why it takes me by surprise when he turns to me, while the car is halted at a stop sign, and says, “so, have you figured out what to tell Jihoon-hyung yet?”

I cough, “how-how did you know about that?”

Mingyu laughs, “you think we all were unaware of how he feels towards you? Pfft. Noona, we’ve been observing him since he was in university. He’s always been gone for you.”

I stare resolutely out of the window, “you’re evidently kidding.”

“Noona. He used to stay up with you when you had exams, he used to make sure you weren’t dead when you used to hibernate for long periods of time, he even had a space for you in the stupid apartment studio, are you seriously telling me you had no idea that he was in love with you all this while?”

“Of course, I didn’t!” I want to scream and tear out my hair in frustration, “of course not! I thought he was just looking out for me because I was his only female friend, and after university, I thought to myself, that this is how he usually is! Why would I think that he’s in love with me?”

“Well, he thought that it would be enough to impress you.”

“We were twenty-two! I thought he was an immature weirdo who had no idea how to maintain female friendships!”

“Yes, he’s usually like that,” Mingyu resumes driving, “but he’s got degrees of being familiar.”

“I know. Jihoon’s like a cat. He approaches you at his own pace. Doing anything else will just push him off.”

Mingyu laughs, “you know what, noona, I think you’re a lot like a cat too.”

“Kim Mingyu, watch what you’re saying.”

He grins, “you know I’m correct.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to say it this way.”

“The way I see it,” he says, slowing down as the car turns into the parking lot of the apartment, “you’ve always approached people at your own pace too. Seokmin and I were overenthusiastic when meeting you for the first time, and you refused to even acknowledge me for the rest of the semester.”

“Sorry about that, really.”

“We didn’t mind then, and we don’t mind now,” he shrugs, “its just who you are. And to accept the kind of person that one is, and then to continue caring for them, yeah, that’s love.”

“Jihoon’s just my friend,” I say, getting out of the car, “he’s just my friend, nothing more.”

“Noona, the fact that you keep repeating this to all of us, makes me wonder who it is that you’re trying to convince. Is it me, the rest of us, Jihoon-hyung, or yourself?”

“Kim Mingyu,” I warn, “you’re overstepping.”

“Sorry, noona, but I have to ask,” he walks into the elevator after me, “have you always seen him as a friend, and nothing more? I saw how you used to, no, how you still treat him differently than the rest of us. You’ve always had a soft spot where he was concerned. In fact, you still do, and you’re hiding it.”

“Drop it, Mingyu. You have no idea what happened the last time I said anything about this.”

The elevator dings, opening onto our floor, and Mingyu steps out right behind me, “Then tell us, noona. We, all of us, Jihoon-hyung, everyone around you—we are stumbling around in the dark because you’ve been so closed off about your past.”

I shake my head, pressing the keys in the keypad lock, “maybe, you shouldn’t be knowing about this one, Mingyu.”

The door closes behind me with an audible click, and even without pressing an eye to the keyhole, I know Mingyu is still standing in front of my door, deliberating over whether or not to knock. In the end, his loyalty wins over his curiosity; he walks away, over to his own apartment.

I sink into a heap at the doorway. What do I do? I know I’ve told Jihoon to ignore the confession and be exactly as we were before, but that is not possible anymore, now that I know how he feels towards me. every interaction I have with him will be grappling with this same truth, and I’ll always be wondering about how he feels towards me.

Out of habit, I pull my phone out of my pocket, swiping through messages and emails, when one of them catches my eye. It’s a simple, single-line message.

Read your column. I know its anonymous, but I know how you write.

—Sungwon

How bad is rock bottom? Is it possible to go below that? I have to remind myself to breathe, as I slowly collect myself from the floor, and go about the rest of my morning. Of course, I shouldn’t think about the people who have left me behind. It’s a disservice to myself. I’ve spent enough time and money in therapy to know that. But what happens when the past refuses to let go of you?

I dial the first number I can get my hands on. After three rings, Jeonghan picks up, his cheerful voice filling the line, “hi! Did you reach home already? Did Mingyu crash the car?”

“Oppa.” I say, “you have to listen to me carefully.”

“Why?” Jeonghan’s voice, so cheerful moments before, has been filled with anxiety, “what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lie, even as Jihoon’s voice floats over the line, yelling is she okay? “don’t let Jihoon know anything’s happened, please.”

“Yes, you reached fine?” Jeonghan says, voice nonchalant, “okay, I’m in another room, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Jeonghan-oppa.” It’s taking all  have to not break into sobs, “I once told a friend, that I liked them.”

“Okay, and?” his voice is kind, so kind, that it drowns out the other voices in my mind saying you don’t deserve this, “what happened?”

“He said—he told me that I’d ruined our friendship, and he never talked to me after that.”

“Oh, oh no, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry to hear that. What else can I say, that will help you feel better?”

“Just—hear me out, for now,” I continue, “and he’s never contacted me, but all of a sudden, he sent me an email last night.”

“What did he say in the email?”

“That he’s been following my writing. I don’t understand, how is it easy for people to be like this when they’ve hurt someone else?”

“Are you afraid Jihoon is going to break off all contact with you, and then email you years later like some kind of pathetic loser?” he scoffs, “if he did that, I would be first in line to break his legs.”

“No, I’m afraid I’m going to be that person to Jihoon,” I sob, “I think I’m going to hurt him and leave him behind, and that I’ll be the person to deal him that cruel hand.”

The line is silent on the other end.

“Jeonghan? Are you there?” I ask.

“It’s me.” Jihoon’s voice sounds rough around the edges, as though he’s been crying, “I heard everything.”

“Jihoon.” I plead, “please don’t do anything that’ll hurt you.”

“I’m coming over in ten minutes,” he mutters, hanging up.

And it’s done. Over. Fuck. I’ve thrown away years of friendship because I didn’t want to accept my own emotions and grow beyond the scared girl I was as a child.

I want to cry, but even that effort is too much for me, sinking down into a heap in the middle of my living room, listening to the sounds of the wall clock ticking down every second.

Even before ten minutes are up, the keypad beeps, before the door opens to reveal a very windswept Jihoon.

“How did you know my password?” is the only thing I can say to him.

He rolls his eyes, “you use the same password as my studio. Of course, I know your password.”

“Fair.”

Jihoon stares at me for a beat, then takes a deep breath, before kneeling down on the floor beside me, “I overheard everything.”

“I’m going to curse Jeonghan and his high-volume phone,” I mutter, “I told him to keep it a secret.”

“To be fair, he was only protecting you.” Jihoon laughs, “he didn’t know I was more persistent than he could ever imagine.”

I shoot him a dirty look. Jihoon sighs, “look, I know, the way I said things to you, wasn’t the most ideal—”

“They were horrible, actually,” I cut in, “you yelled at me that you loved me, and then you left.”

“—man, just let me finish,” Jihoon says, without any real spite, “but I wanted to tell you, that my feelings still haven’t, and will not in the future, affect the way I see you. I’ve always been proud to call you my friend, even if you keep secrets from me.”

“I don’t keep that many secrets.” I mutter.

“Really? Then what about the whole anonymous column thing?”

“You knew about that?”

Jihoon scoffs, “I’ve seen you write since the beginning of university. I know how you write better than anyone else, of course, I knew it was you.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I’m respectful.”

I scowl, “continue.”

“I just wanted to say that even if you wanted to push me away, you can’t,” Jihoon says, smug smile on his face, “I’m impossible to get rid of.”

“You’re not selling yourself very well.”

“You still haven’t given me an answer to my confession.”

“Look, Jihoon, it would never work,” I say, turning away from him, “we know too much about each other. We’ve seen each other’s worst moments. And what if we break up? Who’s going to tell the rest of the boys that we no longer have the same dynamic that we used to have and that its going to be different around us? They have the tact of a bull; you know how they are going to be.”

“That’s them,” he replies, “I’m asking about you. I want to know what you think.”

I sigh. Jihoon’s face is remarkably close to me; from here I can make out the tiny little freckles he has, and the way his eyes are shining, “I’m scared.”

His skin is so soft under my touch, has he always been this way? Jihoon leans into my touch as if he’s never felt anything like this, “scared of what?”

“That I’ll like you too much. That once I take a step forward, it’ll be too difficult to restrain myself again.”

Jihoon laughs, the tip of his nose touching mine, “one step forward, is okay. It’s allowed.”

“Are you quoting Crash Landing on You?” I laugh, even as his lips touch mine.

Kissing Jihoon is an experience; his skin feels soft under my touch, but his lips are insistent against mine, demanding and reverent alternatively, as though he can’t believe his luck that he’s kissing me, or that this is a dream, and what he needs to do is possess it, and then, this memory of a moment will be forever engraved in his heart. My hands go to the back of his neck, where his hair is softer than usual—has he washed it—but all I can feel, under my fingers, is how his heart beats, quicker than I’ve ever imagined it to be, and how it mirrors my own.

I don’t want this moment to end.

[icepoptroll]

Family could be. . . .

@june-doe-2024 day 16: Families

Wooooooooooooo! Now THIS was a labor of love lol. So basically these family arrangements are based on my “Everyone Lives” Nurse Karnak AU.

1. Noel and his mom (she works very hard as a CNA) just happy to still have each other

2. After the accident Mischa’s adoptive parents won’t take him back. When he’s released from the hospital he ends up couch surfing for a while until he’s able to find his own place. Although the other kids’ families are happy to have him stay with them, he fears overstaying his welcome and always eventually leaves, very early in the morning. Still misses his mother terribly every day

3. Ok so this one is fun, canon be damned, Ricky has two moms and an older sister because honestly he deserves that kinda love. All 14 of their cats are rescues, some of them having disabilities and some being senior cats or sick kittens and he named them all (I didn’t really have the time to draw all 14 but there’s a bunch pictured here)

4. Ocean and her parents never got along and she decides to split when things come to a head and she can’t take it anymore. The Blackwood family takes her in and for the first time she feels a sense of normalcy in her home life. Connie has a whole new kind of love and appreciation for her family. Both find renewed happiness. Connie’s baby brother is also an excellent source of serotonin

5. Karnak adopts the Lambs when Penny’s situation threatens to separate her and Ezra. Virgil is along for the ride and sort of takes up the role of “fun uncle,” will often bend the rules and say “just don’t tell Karnak” lmao

[lailalali]

09: Spiderman boxers

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩 unrequited love

Today, Mark had to give y/n guitar lessons. So why was he getting showered, shaved, put on the best clothes he had and cologne to see her at his shared dorm? He didn’t really know. Mark was lucky that his guitars were at the shared dorm because he had to go back and forth from ZDP’s house to walking out since he kept forgetting something.

First, it was his keys to ZDP, then a hoodie, his shoes, his phone, and when he finally made sure he didn’t forget anything, he forgot the damn keys to the shared dorm and he was already outside. He decided to text y/n, a little embarrassed by the situation because she was in her pajamas and Mark looked like he was dressed to go out.

“Nice outfit Mark. I thought we were practicing in the dorm?” Y/n looked at him from head to toe and laughed a little, “Am I underdressed?”

Mark blushed, hoping that it wasnt too obvious that he might have been treating this as a date, “No, no, not at all. Actually, well, no. I think I’m the one that’s overdressed. I have plans after this so yeah.”

“A date?” She said as she opened the door to their shared dorm and let him in. “I won’t keep you too long so don’t worry, you won’t be late.”

Mark debated on lying and just sharing yes but the other part of him didn’t want her to think they didn’t have a chance. What was he even thinking? That’s his brother girlfriend for fucks sake! “Just some thing for ZDP, nothing special. It’s okay, I can’t miss it. I really don’t mind. Any way, we can study in my room since all the guitar are in there. Or we can do it in the living room because my room is a mess. Actually we can-“

“Mark, your room is fine.” Y/n walked in front of Mark but he surpassed her, remembering that he hadn’t cleaned his room since the last time he was here. Unfortunately, she made it to the room around the same time he started picking up his dirty clothes from the floor. “Nice Spider-Man boxers.”

She picked them with a sly smile and tossed them to Mark. He dropped all the clothes in his hand to catch the boxers and shoved everything into a basket. His cheeks had never stopped blushing, “Sorry. We can start now. Is there anything in specific that you need to learn?”

“Well I was just told the basics for now, what chord is which and whatever. It’s just for a class I have to take as a requirement.”

prev | m.list | next

synopsis! mark and his older brother dorm together in college. though, mark likes to spend his days at his frat house, the few days he spends at his shared dorm are when his brothers girlfriend is home. what happens when y/n starts constantly teasing mark about his messy room or Spider-Man boxers laying around?

notes! From now on, I’m going to try and make more social media chapters than written. I don’t like what I have going on lmao

taglist 🎀: @morkiee @sokkastarks

[sorchathered]

Sacred New Beginnings (part 1)

This is a story over the weekend of Mav and Penny’s wedding, you and Bradley had been engaged and it had all gone to shit, with you back in town for the impending nuptials will you find your way back to each other? Or will you realize you were meant to be with someone else all along?

Pairing(s)- Bradley Bradshaw x reader, Jake Seresin x reader

Warnings- drinking, language, mentions of cheating, eventual smut. 18+

Song inspo- I bet you think about me- ts, the story of us- ts, Cornelia street- ts (yes I’m very taylor coded with this series lmao)

You’d begged Jake to keep it to himself, at least until you could get your bearings in North Island and talk to Bradley yourself. It had been 6 months since the two of you split, he’d put his mother’s ring on your finger and promised you a lifetime but it certainly didn’t turn out like either of you planned. Everything crashing and burning before you ever got a chance to say I do. Now you were back in San Diego at the request of Maverick and Penny for their long awaited nuptials and no matter where you looked all you saw was Bradley Bradshaw.

Jake Seresin was your former front seater, the two of you flew a handful of missions together when you’d been stationed here before. You trusted each other in a way most people didn’t, going through countless near death situations will do that to someone. As you stepped out of the airport into the cool night air you could see him leaning against his ridiculous fully kitted Ford F-150, you could take the man out of Texas but he’d be a cowboy no matter where he went.

“There she is! Stormy girl you are a sight for sore eyes!” He scoops you up in a big bear hug and you finally feel yourself relax, tension melting away just being able to be with your best friend like this.

“Hey douchebag, missed you so much” you say punching his shoulder and letting him lead you into the truck, peeling out of the lot and onto the dark highway.

There’s just something about him that calms you down. Everyone gets the big bad “Hangman” persona and while you’ve witnessed it more times than you can count he’s never once treated you that way. Being around him now feels like home and you need that more than ever knowing the heartache that’s bound to seep into what should be a fairytale weekend. You wring your hands nervously, you know you need to ask but you don’t want to pop the happy bubble you both are in. Time to rip off the bandaid.

“So please tell me you kept your damn mouth shut Jakey, last thing I want to do this weekend is cause a scene. Just want to watch Mav and Penny say I do and head back to Florida with no casualties.”

He frowns at you from across the console, mussing your hair with his hand, he loves having you back here, nothing has felt quite the same without you in his daily life. He knew you’d want to know about he who must not be named (yes Jake considers Bradley to be the Voldemort in your story, no he won’t apologize for it) but he had hoped you’d give yourself some time to adapt first.

“I promise darling, haven’t said a word, hand to God. We will make this weekend a blast and send you on back without a hitch, so long as ol’ Rooster keeps his nose clean we shouldn’t have an issue.”

Just hearing his name causes your heart to lurch, you’ve done so good about avoiding him; blocking his socials and refusing to stalk any of the daggers insta’s for pictures of your former lover.

“How is he?” You say quietly, inspecting your hands in your lap now, refusing to look up for fear that Jake will see your tells; he always does though.

He looks at you with furrowed brows, he wasn’t ready to break your heart again, so he rattled off a bare bones list of info you were looking for, not willing to succumb to the rumors floating around that would only rile you up. The last thing you needed was to spend the weekend drowning in what went wrong and what could have been.

“Recently got promoted to lieutenant commander, got a dog a few weeks ago, no I don’t know if he’s dating anyone and no I wouldn’t tell you if I did. We aren’t doing this to ourselves you hear me? You didn’t do anything wrong and self preservation isn’t a bad thing. Now you must be starving so let’s go get you some In and Out to celebrate my favorite girl being back home.”

Across town in a little craftsman style house by the beach, Bradley Bradshaw is pacing his halls. Mav asked him to be best man and he’s determined to make this speech perfect, but every time he tries to sit down and write out the words describing true love and destiny all he can think of is you. The two of you had been so happy, but then he had to go and fuck everything up. He knew you were the one from the minute he met you; all sharp tongue and attitude, truly the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. It wasn’t easy to get you to come around, you’d made it a rule not to date in your squad but somehow he had broken down your walls. When a particularly dangerous mission left him with substantial injuries you’d been paralyzed with fear. If he was just a friend like you claimed then why did it feel like your heart would explode if you never saw him again? The two of you danced around each others feelings for weeks after until one night of partying at Phoenix and Coyote’s you’d kissed him. Everything felt like it fit in that moment.

A year later he was standing on the beach with roses and Carole Bradshaw’s wedding ring asking you to be his forever, you’d said yes before he could even finish talking; fully confident in the choice you were making. Standing in his house now, no wife and no family he couldn’t help the tears that spilled down his face, regret flooding his senses at how he’d let it all fall apart.

He let his hubris get the best of him. He was the best at what he did, always making sure he went the extra mile to prove himself; constantly fighting living in Goose and Maverick’s shadow. So when a mission came up and you and Jake had been chosen, he’d felt deflated; why hadn’t he been picked? What made Jake the better pilot? What made you more qualified? He went to higher ups to plead his case, never once thinking about the aftermath and how his choices in this would affect you. Needless to say it ended badly, you and Jake being grounded and Bradley flying the mission. Someone unfortunately had let it slip at the bar one night that he’d intervened, costing you an important promotion opportunity and choosing his career over you.

You’d felt betrayed, how could you trust him to be your life partner if he couldn’t even support you in your career? You’d requested an immediate transfer, packed your things and left the ring in your shared home, leaving a note briefly explaining your reasoning and that you’d never wanted it to end this way. He had ruined everything, he tried to convince Jake to give him your new number but Hangman could be ruthless when he wanted to be. Refused to help in any way and made sure Bradley knew that he’d been the getaway car; he would always choose you and your happiness unlike Bradley who’d chosen career over love.

Bradley hated him, but he knew he couldn’t fault him for his decision. If he’d just given that level of care when it counted he’d probably still have you, instead of an empty house and a head full of what ifs. He’d been a terrible fiancé, sure he’d doted on you and always told everyone you were his everything, but he also loved attention. So he’d let girls at the bar flirt sometimes, make excuses that it was just his personality and that he didn’t mean anything by it because of course you were the only one for him. He’d dulled your shine to lift himself up far too many times and he knew deep down he didn’t deserve a second chance. Giving up on his speech for the night he poured another scotch and made his way to bed, there was no mental preparation on earth that would make any of this easier.

Friday morning came bright and early, you stumbled your way through Jake’s apartment letting the smell of coffee carry you to the kitchen. He’d left a post it on the carafe, telling you to be ready by 6 for drinks at the hard deck and you laughed at the familiarity of it all; some things truly did stay the same. Six pm rolled around all too soon and you were dressed in your favorite sundress, your hair and makeup set to perfection as Jake pulled the two of you into the lot of the beloved navy bar. Pulling you from your thoughts he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze.

“If you start feeling uncomfortable you just say the word and we’re out, no muss no fuss. You just relax and enjoy tonight with our friends.”

You smiled up at him, grateful that he always seemed to know what you needed to hear.

“Come on Tex let’s get in there and celebrate our friends.”

The bar was closed to only friends and family tonight, everyone near and dear to the happy couple congregating for their rehearsal dinner. Stepping inside it was like being transported back to the past; sounds, smells, everything was the same as it had been when you left. Jake goes in ahead of you, keeping an eye out for a certain mustached aviator but as you both made it to the bar the general consensus was that he hadn’t made it yet. You greeted Penny and Mav with hugs and congratulations, both so glad that you could make it. Mav caught your eye as you ordered a drink from Jimmy, and you knew what he had to say before he even started.

“He-“

“I’m sure he does Pete. I wish it changed anything, but it doesn’t. This is your day, you don’t need to waste it worrying about the past, I’m ok I promise.”

He just wanted his godson to be happy, you knew that. But it wasn’t that easy, too much time had passed and you were uneasy enough thinking about having to see him tonight. So with a squeeze to his arm and a smile you made your way across the bar to the pool tables and your former squad.

Rowdy and full of mischief, that’s the best way you could describe them, whooping and cat calling you as you crossed the threshold as they enveloping you in hugs and remarks at how you’d been missed. Phoenix sidles up to you now, bumps her hip against yours with a Cheshire Cat grin, the two of you had never lost contact during the past 6 months and you were grateful for another person looking out for you tonight.

“I’ve missed you cutie! It’s just not the same around here, still can’t believe you left me to take care of the kids by myself.” You both laugh at that, looking towards your boys now as they play fight and place bets at who can kick the others ass at pool, knowing without a doubt that Jake will take the winnings.

“It feels good to be home ‘Nix, I didn’t realize just how much I missed everyone until I got here. Florida is nice, I love the group I have there but the daggers are my family.” You trail off, trying to suppress the tears threatening to leak from your eyes.

She pulls you in for another hug, kisses the side of your head. “It’s going to be a good weekend buddy, I can feel it.”

Bradley’s late. He knows he should have left earlier but he’d been dragging his feet. Mav had texted to tell him you were here and he had to pull over on the highway to empty his stomach. His nerves are shot, pulling the bronco into the lot with shaking hands he attempts to pull himself together, knowing you are just inside has him feeling faint.

“Get your shit together Bradshaw, don’t lose your cool.”

He sucks in a deep breath and opens the door.

After grabbing a beer and getting two pitifully sympathetic looks from Penny and Mav, he turns towards his group and lays his eyes on you. It’s like a punch to the gut, you have always been breathtaking but after having only the memories on his phone to look at he knows for sure they pale in comparison to the real thing. His feet begin moving of their own accord, brain hasn’t quite caught up to what he’s doing. It feels like a magnet is dragging him towards the one place he has longed to be. You are arm and arm with Coyote, animatedly telling him a story with sparkling eyes and Bradley is falling in love all over again. He skirts the outside of the group, settles in to a seat next to Bob and Fanboy hoping he can keep from startling you. You feel his presence because of course you do, and he can tell the moment your energy shifts. You keep looking at him from the corner of your eye; your arms wrapped tightly around yourself and it breaks his heart. His view is obscured by Hangman all too soon, leaning in to the table to catch his eye.

“Rooster”

“Hangman”

“We aren’t gonna have any issues tonight are we?” Jake asks with his signature smirk and lazy southern drawl, it’s charming to some but to Bradley it’s like nails on a chalkboard.

“I’m not here to make things uncomfortable Bagman, just here to fulfill my duty to Mav as best man. She’s a a big girl and doesn’t need a babysitter, if she wants to talk to me I’m happy to listen to anything she says, I’d be an idiot not to”

“You’re an idiot either way Bradshaw but if you make Stormy girl cry tonight you’ll be showing up to the ceremony tomorrow with a black eye, just keep that in mind.”

“Understood.”

Jake blinks back the shock, didn’t expect Bradley to be amenable towards him at all. They have avoided each other at all costs in social gatherings ever since the split, Jake knew nothing good would come from stirring it back up and Bradley looked like a kicked puppy most of the time. Shrugging it off, Jake nods to the group at the table and heads back to where you are, encouraging hand on your shoulder. He’d be damned if someone ruined your night, so instead of letting you wallow he scooped you up to pick a song on the jukebox and took you to the dance floor. Spinning you and reveling in your giggles and bright eyes, it almost made him forget that he wasn’t supposed to look at you the way he was now. He’s been so good about keeping it together all these years, making sure to have a date to keep him occupied when you were cuddled up to Rooster and firmly planting himself in the friend zone. He knew that’s what you needed and he’d always go above and beyond to make you happy. Even if it meant he couldn’t have you.

You have no idea how long you’ve been here, speeches have been given and far too many shots have been had; the room is too hot and slightly spinning so you make your way outside for some fresh air. He’s there of course, smoking a cigarette and watching the waves. Looking him over now you can see the little changes, he’s not as bulky anymore, face and torso are definitely thinner than they used to be. He looks tired, to the bone judging by the dark circles under his eyes and the way he seems to slouch in on himself, no longer the larger than life persona he used to project. You think for a moment you should go back in, but as he flicks the used up cigarette into the wind you are both face to face, pain clearly etched in his features as he takes you in.

“Hi.” It’s all you can make out, you think of how ludicrous it is that after 6 months of heartbreak the best you can scrounge up is a measly hi.

“Hi Storm, it’s good to see you.”

“Y-yeah it’s good to see you too, it’s been a while.”

He runs his hand over his scarred chin, looking you over and it almost looks like he might reach out for you but he thinks better of it.

“I’m sorry Bradley- I can’t do this, I know what you’re gonna say and I feel it too but it doesn’t change anything. We’re the same people we were 6 months ago, and love isn’t going to fix it.”

You were trembling, tears pouring down your face and Bradley couldn’t stand it. He’d broken your heart and let you go, but he’d never once stopped thinking of you. Just two steps forward and you could be back in his arms, and he thought of Mav’s saying “don’t think, just do.” So he closed the distance and pulled you into his arms, your beautiful face cradled in his hands as he wiped away your tears.

“Baby, my sweet sweet girl I know I fucked it up, and I’ve spent every day of the last 6 months thinking of what went wrong. I don’t deserve it; I know that but please even if it’s just for tonight let me love you.”

You didn’t know if it was the alcohol spurring you on or the fact that you’d missed his touch so much it physically hurt, but pressing his lips to yours felt like the easiest decision you’d ever made.

You heard the door swing open behind you and someone cleared their throat, causing you to jump backwards out of his grasp, moment over as quickly as it had begun. You spun around to find Jake, eyes full of anger directed right at Bradley and then he looked towards you; disappointment clearly etched in his features.

“I couldn’t find you, Payback said you’d gone outside so I came to make sure you’re alright.”

You feel your cheeks redden with embarrassment, you had promised yourself you wouldn’t be alone with Bradley and yet here you are less than 24 hours later letting him kiss you.

Jake is still staring you down, you shift a little feeling extremely small between the two people you love most.

“Everything’s ok Jake, let’s uh- let’s go home ok? It’s late and I’ve had more than I should have.” You grab at his elbow to steer him towards the lot to the truck, steely gaze still focused on Bradley but he lets you move him, starting a fight isn’t going to fix a thing and he knows more than he’s let on. Maybe it was time to play his hand and let you know just how much of a piece of shit your so called “Prince Charming” really was.

The ride back was eerily quiet, tension flooding the cab of the truck while you spent every second overthinking. Why had you let it get that far? You’d done so good, it’d been half a year without any contact and you’d folded fast, it was so embarrassing. Ugh and for Jake to be the one that found you?! You knew he’d be pissed and expected a thorough lashing but he didn’t say a word. Just stoically stared at the road, no smart ass remark to be found as he white knuckled the steering wheel. He pulled into the drive and bolted for the door, didn’t even stop to let you out like he normally does. Taking a deep breath and mentally preparing for a long ass night trying to drag his feelings out, you made your way into his townhouse.

He’s nowhere to be found when you step inside, probably holed up in his room so he won’t pick a fight; you know the routine fairly well. He hates hurting your feelings so he shuts down and lets himself cool off before he talks to you, normally just acts like nothing ever happened because he’d rather not bring it all back up again. But when you go to check his bedroom he’s not there either; door ajar and completely devoid of Jake. Finally you head to the back porch, he’s there slumped in one of the lounge chairs, already cracked open another beer and staring down at his phone, determined to look anywhere but at you.

You plop down into the chair next to him, knocking one of your knees with his, hoping if you needle him enough he’ll tell you what’s wrong.

“Jakey”

“Don’t. Don’t do this right now Stormy, just let me be before I say something we will both regret.”

You know you should just let it go, but the harshness in his tone is so out of character but frankly you’ve had enough of everyone tiptoeing around you.

“No.”

“No?”

“No I want to do this now, what is it that you aren’t telling me? You seem to have forgotten that I know you better than your own mother, I can tell when you’ve been holding back. You looked like you wanted to beat Bradley into the ground earlier and I know I screwed up and let him get to me tonight but I’m a big girl Jake I can make my own mis-“

“You didn’t make any mistakes though!” He boomed, causing you to jump in your seat. “You’ve spent this whole time blaming yourself for leaving, for not communicating but you have NO idea. This was never something to blame yourself for and the fact that you let him back in tonight knowing what I know makes me SICK.” He’s never had an outburst like this with you, chest heaving and shaking hands he can’t seem to stop, he knows it’s all about to bubble up but he can’t stuff the secrets back down.

“What do you mean, what you know? Jake what am I missing?” You whisper softly, you have a sudden glaring realization and it feels like everything is crashing down, it can’t be can it? You need him to say it to confirm but you wish the earth would swallow you both up; everything changes if he says what you think he will.

“He cheated on you. A month before the mission, and he thought he’d gotten away with it but apparently Fanboy caught him and Mirage fucking in the hard deck bathroom. He agreed not to say anything, but when you left she suddenly started showing up more, he wasn’t even trying to hide her! Everyone knew he was taking her home after nights at the bar, and Fanboy couldn’t keep it in anymore so he told me. Bradshaw was jealous of your success, he took the mission away from you and to really stick it to you he fucked a fellow squad mate behind your back. As far as I’m concerned he’s dead to you, he has no right to come crawling back and you deserve to know it all so he doesn’t take advantage of you again.”

It all made perfect sense now, Bradley had had one too many late nights at work claiming he was shooting the shit with Mav, never interested in taking you to bed like he had been before the mission talk started up, but you’d chalked it up to stress. Always making excuses for him, assuring yourself that he wouldn’t dare cheat because why would he have given you his mother’s ring? He’d told you he wanted a love like Goose and Carole had, promised he’d love you forever. Of course he’d lied, he’d always been more concerned about his career path and his accomplishments, any time you did something of merit his congratulations always seemed tinged with something sour, but he was happy for you right? He loved you right? Now you didn’t know for sure.

You reeled back at the realization, all the puzzle pieces fitting together to make a heartbreaking story, and you felt a surge of nausea come up quickly rushing to the side of the yard to throw up. You could feel Jake’s cool hand holding your hair back, the other rubbing circles into your back telling you to breathe. He’d always been a safe haven in your life, steadfast no matter who he was seeing at the time. You came first to him, your friendship and partnership in the air like an unspoken vow between the two of you. You were being hit with one revelation after another tonight, and you jerked away from him suddenly; throat dry as the desert as you quickly made your way inside to the sink to rinse out your mouth.

“Hey hey, talk to me honey. I’m sorry, shit I’m so sorry you had to find out like this; I should have never let it get this far but you seemed happy in Florida and I didn’t want to open old wounds. Please Stormy, look at me baby I need to know we are ok.”

Now he’s the one wringing his hands, Hangman is never nervous, he’s always larger than life and the most confident person in the room. He looks so boyish now, standing in the dim light of the kitchen, the fear on his face so unnatural on his handsome face.

You couldn’t deny that he was beautiful, you’d always seen the way he attracted the attention of everyone in a room, like the definition of the word gorgeous come to life or the hero on the cover of a romance novel. Just classically handsome, and yes he was smug and he knew just how good he looked but he’d never put on any kind of mask when it came to you. Let himself be vulnerable, trusted you would keep his secrets and never make fun of him for his faults. Now looking at him in the quiet of his home, you realized that Bradley may have physically cheated; but maybe he wasn’t the only one that blew up your relationship. Some part of you from the day Jake Seresin had walked into your life had always belonged to him. Admitting it to yourself now was jarring; how long had you let yourself think he wasn’t everything to you? You found yourself terrified and excited at the thought, suddenly hyper aware of how close he was to you, knowing that if you crossed that line with him tonight you’d never be the same. You tilted your head up to look at him, reaching a hand out so he could close the distance, and watched him relax into your touch knowing you weren’t angry with him.

“Stormy-l-“

“Jake…Do you love me?”

He goes cold at the realization, oh God you had figured it out. He’d tried to suppress it for so long, but obviously with the clarity that had been gained tonight you seemed to be able to see the truth. He’d always been in love with you, but decided that having you in his life was more important than getting his feelings out so he’d gallantly put them aside. When he’d found out the truth about Rooster he’d been unmoored by the whole thing. How the hell could anyone ever hurt you like that? What kind of moron has the perfect girl and destroys her happiness? But he’d let you go, knowing you needed to run and find yourself in the aftermath; Jake was just grateful he could continue to be a part of your life in whatever way you needed. But oh God you knew now, he could see it on your face and since it had been a night for truth and honesty he told the consequences to fuck themselves, pulling you into his arms and pressing his forehead to yours.

“I could deny it, and we could just go back to the way things are if that’s what you need. We can continue this weekend like we have been and I’ll let you go back to Florida. Because you matter too much to me to be selfish with you, but oh angel I want *so* badly to be selfish. So you tell me what you need and I’ll do it.”

He’s so open, pouring his heart out to you and you can’t look away, his bright green eyes searching for any kind of reservation on your part, and when he doesn’t see any he grins that perfect lopsided grin of his, the one that makes your heart grow ten sizes. It’s not a rushed or sudden clashing of teeth and tongue, it’s a slow movement of lips molding together, hands mapping each other in a way that’s never been allowed before. It takes your breath away and as you gasp he slides his tongue against yours, reveling in the little noises you make as you grasp at the collar of his shirt, the need to have him closer overwhelming. After a while with the willpower of a god he pulls himself back from you a little, stroking your cheek and chuckling as you stagger forward trying to chase his kisses. He tilts your face to look at him and he’s warm all over, it’s everything he’s ever wanted and he has to tell you before he lets it get too far.

“I do Y/N, I love you. I always have baby. I want it all with you kid, and I know it probably feels sudden, but I can’t lie to you; I want everything with you. I’ll wait as long as you need because I’m in this no matter what, I don’t think I could stop if I tried.” He says with a watery laugh, and you realize he’s got tears in his eyes.

You are pretty sure you turned into a puddle on the floor, arms and legs feel like jello as he holds you up between himself and the counter. You could agree that yes it was sudden, hell you’d just let Bradley kiss you less than two hours ago, but you couldn’t deny that in all the times you’d kissed Rooster it had never felt like this. How were you ever supposed to go back to the way things were? Did you even want to? The thoughts were swirling around in your head now and he could tell you were lost. So he kissed you once more, just a featherlight peck and then stepped back from you.

“We’ve had a lot of big reveals tonight baby girl, how about we take a beat and sleep, let tomorrow figure it all out for us.”

He was right of course, it has been an overwhelming evening and you two should probably look it over with fresh eyes, so you let him lead you down the hall. He thinks you’re going to head to the guest bedroom but you surprise him, stepping into his bedroom and closing the door.

“Stormy, we can’t- not tonight honey you and i are wrung out-“

“Shhh, we aren’t doing anything tonight Jake, just hold me ok? I need to be close to you.”

He peels off his clothes and lets you change into one of his T shirts, tangling his arms and legs with yours as you snuggle up into bed. Drifting off to sleep, not knowing if he hears you, you whisper to him

“Jake I think I love you too.”

Jake Seresin Masterlist

Tagging- @attapullman

@bobgasm

@mamachasesmayhem

@roosterforme

@pinkdaisies1106

@angelbabyyy99

@nouis-bum

@djs8891

@purelyfiction

@86laura11

@shanimallina87

@floydsglasses

@floydsmuse

@nervousnerdwitch

@mygyn

@jessicab1991

@its-the-pilot

@dempy

[aoioozora]

Simon.

Part 12

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 13

Character: Simon Riley / Ghost Content: Biker! Ghost x Fem! Reader, strangers to lovers, fluff, civilian au Note: Finally a new update! Thanks for your patience. Please excuse any mistakes or if this is weird lmao. Enjoy :))

The following week saw a flood of photos from the camping trip in ____’s phone. 

Johnny had created a WhatsApp group and added everyone, having them send all the photos and videos they took. Johnny and Gaz had taken the most photos, followed by ____, Lindsey, and finally, Simon, who had none to share. 

Upon obtaining her number, Gaz privately messaged _____. 

Kyle: Hey, Kyle here 

____: Hey! what's up?

Kyle: I got something you might like 

____: what's that? 

Kyle then proceeded to send her a photo of her and Simon huddled together on the porch of the cabin, fast asleep, basked in the gentle blue light of dawn, a photo that wasn’t shared in the group. She texted back at the speed of light,

____: You took a picture of us??!! 

Kyle: I knew you'd like it 😂

____: I don't know how to feel about this 

Kyle: Be happy, it’s a nice memento of the camping 😏

Kyle: You got a cute picture with your lad that you can show those blokes who try to chat you up 😏

____: “your lad” 😭😭

Kyle: Damn right he is your lad

Kyle: I know you like him

____: is it that obvious??

Kyle: you’re about as obvious as a deer in the headlights

Kyle: listen here

Kyle: you should make a move on him

____: what??

Kyle: He likes you back 

Kyle: so make a move 

Kyle: before he gets taken away, or you for that matter 

Although she could tell that Simon was interested in her, actually having it said to her outright was butterfly and blush-inducing. She quickly typed away, 

____: right gotchu 

____: do I have competition though

Kyle: not any that I know of

____: okay great

____: I guess I’ll try

Kyle: good luck 😉 

Just as she wrapped up her conversation with Kyle, her phone began to ring.

“Hey, Alejandro!” she said cheerily, “What’s up?”

“Hey, you wanna come over for dinner? I made some enchiladas. I know you like them.” 

She straightened up in her seat on the couch. “Enchiladas? I’ll be right there!” 

Before Alejandro even said anything else, she hung up and eagerly got to his front door and rang the doorbell. He opened a few moments later, chuckling. 

“Look at you, so excited,” he teased, moving away to let her in. 

“I won’t say no to Mexican food,” she winked at him and he rolled his eyes, smiling. 

He sat her down at the dining table and set down the piping hot dish that came fresh out of the oven. “Be careful, it’s hot,” he reminded her as he served the enchiladas onto her plate, giving her a flirtatious wink. 

Poor Alejandro. She was so focused on the enchiladas that she completely missed the wink. Her mouth watered at the sight and after waiting for it to cool down, she dug in and sang its praises while Alejandro amusedly poured out some beer for himself. 

“So, how did the little camping trip go?” he asked. 

“Yeah, it was fun!” she exclaimed and then began telling him about what was done during the 24 hours that she spent in the wilderness. She told him about the lake, the cabin, the tent, the waterfall, and the sunrise viewing, and showed him some of the photos.

“You guys didn't sleep in the cabin?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. 

“Well, camping isn't camping unless it's in a tent,” she said with a shrug as she stuffed a piece of the enchilada in her mouth. 

“And what about your boyfriend? Did you get to do anything fun with him?” Alejandro stared at her keenly, watching for a reaction. 

She chuckled uncomfortably and shook her head. “Nothing of that sort. I just got to watch him swim and cut some wood.” 

He pretended to be confused and disappointed. “Really? That's all? Since you two are a thing, you'd normally expect more, right?” he took a long sip of the beer, “Did you guys even sleep in the same room in the tent?” 

“Uh, no? He wanted to share a room with the guys.” 

“That's a bit odd, don't you think?” he took another thoughtful sip, finding her nonchalance rather suspicious, “I'm sure Simon already hangs out with his friends a lot. And since you're the girlfriend, don't you think you're entitled to have your time with him, or hell, even share a room while you guys are camping?”

The woman gulped, realising the mental gymnastics it needed to take to keep up a lie. Alejandro was sharp. 

“Uh, yeah… You're right. I didn't think of that.” she mumbled thoughtfully. 

“Didn’t think of that.” Another giveaway that she was lying to him. He took a bite of his share of enchiladas, chewing slowly. “You didn't think of it? I thought wanting your boyfriend near you as much as possible was,” he paused, “What's the word… Natural?”

She was in a pickle. Having never been in a healthy romantic relationship, she didn't ever feel that way. She pursed her lips and looked away.

Alejandro stared at her again. “Be honest, are you really dating Simon?” 

She sighed heavily. “Alright, I'm not,” she confessed. 

The man was surprised and unsurprised. He smirked, resting an elbow on the table as he leaned forward. “You're not? You lied to me then. How could you,” he playfully accused. 

She blushed with embarrassment. “Well, you see, I kept getting hit on by random men, and even got harassed once, so Simon offered to pretend to be my boyfriend to keep them away.”

Alejandro nodded slowly, understanding the underlying message even though she probably didn’t intend it. But he would not be deterred, especially not by poorly managed pretense. “I mean, you're beautiful, so no wonder they'd make a move. Although it's terrible that they thought harassing you would make you change your mind.” he shook his head. 

“Yeah, totally.” She nodded.

There was a brief silence as both of them ate. He looked up from his plate to ask, “So, if you’re really single, how about going out with me on a date?” 

She was surprised by the direct offer. “With you…?”

He noticed her hesitation and decided to manoeuvre this carefully. He was normally confident and assertive, but not wanting to scare her off, he quickly added, “It doesn’t even have to be a date. It can just be the two of us hanging out and getting to know each other. Nothing too serious. What do you think?” 

“When?” 

He smiled. “This Sunday, if you’re free.”

She thoughtfully gnawed on the prongs of the fork as she chewed her food. It was the same day Simon's family reunion was. He watched her shift in her seat. Another moment’s silence until she said, 

“I’ll let you know.”

Alejandro’s surprise proposal for a hangout/date left her dazed even the next day. Since her novel writing was completed for the day, she spent her evening considering what she should do. 

Should she give Alejandro a chance and go out with him? If she honestly had to pit him with Simon, Alejandro would win. He was handsome and had a steady income from his work and from being a model; he was friendly, outgoing, and charismatic. 

Simon had his good points too, though he was the opposite of Alejandro. Simon was sweet and quiet, considerate and gentle. However, his bloodstained past came to her mind, and she feared that danger would follow her if she continued to consider Simon. 

But she liked Simon regardless of it. She didn’t know Alejandro as well as she knew Simon; Alejandro never bared his soul to her like Simon did. If anything, they were just acquaintances turning into friends, but she and Simon already had an established friendship.

Besides, no matter how cordial Alejandro was, something about him didn’t sit right with her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing. Upon seeing that it was none other than Simon calling, her finger flew to the green button.

“Hey!” she squeaked.

“Hey, how are you?” he croaked hoarsely.

Not expecting him to sound like a choked frog, her eyes widened slightly. “More like how are you? You don’t sound good.”

“Just a little fever, no big deal,” he replied nonchalantly before clearing his throat. 

“A fever!” she exclaimed, sitting up straight on her bed.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’m fine,” he assured, sniffling and letting out a breathless sigh.

She paused, blinking twice. “What’d you call me for, by the way?”

He paused next. “No reason. Just wanted to hear your- I mean, hear from you. See how you were doing.”

“I’m alright, but I’m starting to worry about you.”

“C’mon darling, I’m fine, really.” 

But she was not convinced. She got off the bed and stood up, saying resolutely, “I’ll come over right now.”

His burning eyes flew open on the other side. “No you’re not. You’ll catch my fever.”

“Don’t worry about that. Is there anyone with you right now?”

“No, but I can take care of myself. You really don’t have to come. I’m not a kid that needs taking care of.”

She frowned at that. “I know, but I want to take care of you. So let me!”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, until his sigh broke it. “Can you bring some fever medicine?”

She smiled widely. “Okay.”

Simon’s arm weakly flopped back down on his chest after the call had ended. “She’s coming.” he thought, forcing himself up with a grunt. He began to slowly gather up the used tissues on his night stand and threw them away in the bin. 

He washed his hands and then brought a disinfectant spray and a cloth, wiping down all the surfaces in his room she might touch when she came. He stopped his cleaning when he felt another shiver rattle his body. Hurrying to his room, he grabbed a blanket and wrapped himself in it and then sat in the living room, waiting for ____ to come. 

She came speedily and no sooner was he about to doze off, the doorbell woke him up. Rising, he ran a hand through his tousled locks and then opened the door. She was right before him, a grocery tote bag slung on her shoulder. 

“Hey,” he croaked again as he opened the door wider to let her inside, “You’re here quicker that I thought.”

“Can’t let my friend go dying now, can I?” she smiled as she entered, silently pitying how pathetic a fever made him look. His cheeks and nose were flushed, his eyes were squinted and heavy-looking, and a thin layer of sweat sat like dew on his brow.

His cheeks rose to his eyes in a chuckle as he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. “Dying? People don’t die of fevers, darling, especially not big, strong men like me,” he boasted, even though he felt like he was going to die.

She scoffed, seeing that a fever hadn’t dulled his spirits in the least. “Johnny doesn’t know you’re sick?” she asked as he motioned her to the couch to sit down. 

He sat down away from her and shook his head. “He’ll come over and fuss over me,” he chuckled, “I wanted to be alone.”

“Oh,” her smile and her shoulders dropped, “is that why you didn’t want me to come?” 

He quickly shook his head. “No, no. I’m glad you’re here. I just didn’t want you to get sick because of me.”

“Don’t worry, I have a strong immune system,” she bragged, cradling her tote bag in her arms. “Speaking of, I brought you some lemons. They’re good for fevers.”

He smirked. “Don’t tell me you brought the whole grocery store in your bag,” he teased. 

She grinned. “I did, just for you,” she answered, nose in the air. She kept the tote aside and stood up, now moving towards him. She took his wrist and tugged him. “Come on, you should get back in bed.”

He smirked again, planting himself firmly in his seat. “I don’t want to,” he said, voice playful.

She frowned at him and continued to tug his arm. “Come onnn.” 

But he continued to obstinately sit where he was, allowing his smirks to turn into amused chuckles at her attempts to get him to move. She continued regardless, grunting and grumbling, but secretly happy that he was still cheerful despite his sickness. She turned around, back facing him and continued to pull his arm like he was a truck being pulled by a rope. 

He was tempted to wrap his arm around her stomach and pull her to his lap, but he resisted. “Okay, okay, I’m up,” he relented, finally getting out of his seat and towering to his full height. 

“About time you did.” She rolled her eyes, smiling. 

Simon directed her to his room and as soon as they were inside, he made a beeline to the bed and sat down, slouching against the wall. 

“I’ll make you some tea,” she said, making her way to the door.

“I should be doing that.”

“Shut up. You’re literally sick.” she smirked.

As soon as she left, Simon let out a sigh. He looked at the floor-length mirror across from his bed, and he could see how dishevelled he looked. He ran his hand through his hair again, as if it would magically transform him from a beast to a prince. 

He felt another shiver and the goosebumps form on his arms, making him crawl under his duvet. She soon came in with his mismatched coffee mugs of steaming tea, and the room smelled like lemons and honey, the same scent that filled the living room when she came over for the first time. 

“I really like your glass teapot,” she said, placing the tray down on his nightstand, finding him bundled up under the duvet. 

“Is that code for ‘I broke your teapot’?” he teased, now sitting up and receiving the mug from  her.

“Are you normally this cheeky when you’re sick?” she asked with a giggle as she looked around for a chair to sit on.

“Only with you, darling,” he answered, motioning to a wooden stool in the corner of the room. 

She was glad she had to face away from him as he said that, for the words gave her a flutter. “Only with me.” She felt terrible for even comparing him to Alejandro. Simon’s lighthearted teasing and banter didn’t compare to Alejandro’s. 

She grabbed the stool and brought it next to the bed and sat down. While he was busy taking a tentative sip of his steaming hot tea, she took a moment to observe his room.

The confines of the four walls were basked in the gentle light of his gold LED light strips that skirted the edges of the ceiling. The same walls were painted a relaxing navy-blue, one of which was adorned with posters of familiar video games and shelves filled with figurines of those video game characters, huddled together like people at a busy intersection.

“A gamer." she observed. His desk sat opposite to the bed, and a sleek setup sat on top of it with its creamy white desktop monitor, RGB CPU, and keyboard. A pair of cat-ear headphones rested against the keyboard, indicating recent use. Photos were stuck to the wall with clear tape just above the desk, and the photo booth pictures she took with him shared the space with his friends and family. None of the photos were stuck on the wall straight, but like a pack of cards fallen on the floor.

Another shelf sat right next to the photos. It had a few books stacked on top of each other, but only one stood facing her directly, straight and tall. Firefly Trails, her novel. Even from away, she could see that the copy was dog-eared and the base of its spine slightly worn from how much it was read. And as a reader herself, she knew that a worn book was a loved book. A flutter tickled her stomach. She wondered how many times he’d gone through the pages, and if he was one to underline and annotate.

His bedroom had more personality than the rest of his apartment, which was expected. His living room was prim, proper, and neat, but his bedroom was a meticulously organized chaos.

Simon saw that she was observing his personal space and didn’t interrupt her. He longed to ask her what she thought of his room, but didn’t want to come off as too conscious of it. He liked his room for sure, but wasn’t sure if she liked it.

He kept staring at her as she observed, and only quickly looked away when she turned his way. 

“When did you catch a fever?” she asked.

No comments on the room. He was positively disappointed.

“Just today,” He answered as he sat back, “Couldn’t fix a lot of cars at the garage. I felt a bit chilly. Asked the lads if it was and they said no.”

“I wonder if it was from the camping.”

“I think so,” he mumbled, “I was alright before that. Anyway, by the time I came back, I was shivering and I suspected a fever, so I checked me temperature and I got thirty-eight degrees.”

“Oh, that’s high,” she said pityingly, taking a sip of her tea. She reached out and pressed her hand against his forehead, an action that made his eyes widen slightly. “Yeah, it’s high,” she confirmed, feeling the burn linger in her hand as she pulled it away.

Her touch lingered on his forehead and he sighed at the absence of it. He practically wanted to pull her in bed but couldn’t; she was so near yet so far. 

“And your family reunion is this weekend too,” she then asked, “will you be able to go?”

Simon’s gaze turned distant as he paused to take a sip of tea from his mug. He really didn’t want to go. Not only would he have to uphold a lie, but also be around his father for a few hours. He welcomed the fever, wanted it to extend past the appointed date even, but he already promised his mum that he’d be there, and with his “girlfriend.”

“Yeah,” he answered, “My fever should be alright by then.”

“Speaking of, Alejandro asked me out yesterday,” she said.

Simon’s eyes darted to her face. The jealousy bubbled up in his stomach. He had made a move, huh? “Did he?” He asked coolly.

“Yeah, and on the same day of the reunion too. He said it would be nothing serious, just a fun hangout.”

Simon had to keep himself from letting out an annoyed growl. “What did you tell him then?”

“I said I’d let him know.”

He drew in a breath. “I’ll let him know.” It wasn’t a straight “yes” or a “no”. That meant that she was considering Alejandro. His hand squeezed the warm mug in his hand. 

“You should go out with him,” Simon answered half-heartedly, looking away, “I don’t mind if you bailed on the reunion.”

She felt a spear go right through her chest and a small frown tugged her lips. Was she hearing him right?

“I… honestly didn’t even want to go,” he added, “I don’t even want to be around my dad.”

“But you promised your mum,” she reminded, leaning forward, “And I promised to come with you too.”

Simon sighed. He’d never show his face at home if his father was around and it was tempting once again to not go. But he’d miss seeing the rest of the family who rarely came down, even for the holidays; cousins, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts.

“Yeah, I’ll…” he said in a breathless sigh, staring at the mug in his hand helplessly. He rubbed a hand down his face. “I’ll figure something out.”

She saw that he didn’t even raise his head to look at her. Did he really not want her to go with him? Did he not want her at all?

It was far too awkward and suffocating in the room for her to sit any longer. She rose from her seat with her mug of tea. “I’ll make you something,” she said.

“Wait, you don’t have to-” 

But she was already out the bedroom door as he said those words. He cursed under his breath. Keeping aside his mug of tea, he laid back on the bed, crossing his wrists over his eyes. 

Was this the right call, telling her to go out with Alejandro? Simon felt like Alejandro was a way better choice. Maybe she’d be happier with him. Simon had a history of violent acts, near trysts with Death even, and who knew if his sins were crawling around, trying to look for him?

It didn’t help that going back home meant that he’d be in the domain of that gang he was once a part of. Who knew if he’d meet his old “friends” again. He’d exposed the gang’s secrets to the police when they interrogated him, and who knew if the existing members were waiting for a chance to pounce on him for this. 

He groaned softly as he pulled the blanket over his head. His fever felt like death over these heavy, burdensome thoughts, and he didn’t want to think of it.

Neither did she, but it was all she could think of as she looked around in his cabinets for instant oats. 

She was on the verge of tears. At this point, she would’ve thought she had something with Simon, but he just had to say that. And she had just felt encouraged by Gaz to make a move too. She stood there in front of the stove under an open overhead cabinet, sighing. 

You should go out with him.

You should go out with him.

You should go out with him.

It wasn’t a misunderstanding. He knew what he was saying. He meant it. 

She found the instant oats and began to cook it over the stove with the enthusiasm of a dead rabbit. 

Maybe Simon was right. She should go out with Alejandro. Every practical and logical reasoning demanded for Alejandro, but her emotions vouched for Simon. She had an actual relationship with him, a friendship. Sure, Alejandro would be a better choice, but who was he in front of Simon?

The oats bubbled noisily on the stove, threatening to be burned. She quickly snapped out of her thoughts and turned off the stove, sighing heavily. Digging in a spoon, she found that it was very close to burning the bottom of the vessel. She shook her head.

After checking if there was enough salt, she served the porridge in a bowl and topped it with some cut fruit and some roasted sunflower seeds that she brought along. She placed it on a tray and took a deep breath as she made her way to his bedroom.

“Simon?” she called softly as she peeked inside. 

No answer. His body was still under the blanket, save for the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

She let out a sigh she didn’t know she was holding, both of disappointment and relief. Returning back to the kitchen, she placed a lid on the bowl and kept it aside. Taking her now lukewarm tea, she returned to the room and tip-toed closer to the sleeping Simon.

His brows were slightly furrowed as he was cocooned under the blanket. Gently pulling it away from his face, she lightly pressed her hand against his forehead. His temperature burned against her hand, but her hand lingered. He didn’t stir.

How sweet he looked sleeping there. Her hand moved from his forehead to weave through his sweat-damp hair, looking admiringly at him, at his thin, pink lips, at his slightly hooked, bent nose, at the scar on his cheek.

The scar. It was a stark reminder of his past, both to him and to her. She hesitated, but found her finger moving to lightly trace the indent on his cheek.

Alejandro’s face was perfect and spotless compared to Simon’s; not a scar, not a blemish. Alejandro was beautiful, more so than Simon. Anyone who had eyes would choose the former over the latter.

But she bent down and pressed the lightest of kisses on his scarred cheek. It was risky business to do it, both for the present and the future, but she didn’t care. She knew what she wanted; hated herself for even putting the two against each other, even in her mind. 

In her heart, there was only one man in this world she would choose. Just one.

Simon.

End of Part 12.

Part 13

--

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[jjunieworld]

32. just ask and i’ll show you ⸝ ˚⋆ 

↳ mostly written, some texts. word count: 2.9k

please read the author’s note at the bottom!!!

warnings: this chapter is basically smut lmao. kinda soft??, unprotected sex (stares), marking, kinda switch!soobin and switch!reader(?) idk there isn’t really sub/dom dynamics, fingering, petnames (baby), creampie, cockwarming, aftercare

the whole car ride over to soobin’s—yes, he finally did get a new car—you had to convince him the entire time that you did want to date again. “soobin, we are literally driving over to your place to have sex… are you kidding me?” you laughed. your face was extremely flushed with the whole conversation and you’re sure that if soobin’s eyes weren’t on the road he would comment on it.

soobin’s eyes glanced over at you briefly at the same time he as pushed his glasses up his nose bridge. “i’m just making sure! we’ve only hung out a couple times since the whole sunghoon thing, and now we’re about to get down and dirty!” he smiled, chuckling. you scrunched up your face a little, “do not say down and dirty… and i wouldn’t have called you my boyfriend if i didn’t want to date—“ you whipped towards him, “—do you not want to be my boyfriend?”

soobin scoffed playfully as if offended as he glanced over at you again, “are you kidding me? no like seriously…” you giggled and leaned your head against the passenger’s seat as you looked at him. “then that’s settled! we’re boyfriend-girlfriend!” you exclaimed. soobin shook his head slightly and laughed, “good, because i can park the car and we can go right here, right now—again—if there’s still any confusion.”

you pushed his shoulder lightly, letting out a loud gasp. “you’re nasty! why would you bring that up!” you hid your burning face with your hands and looked away towards the passenger’s side window. soobin’s laugh grew, “i’m just saying! you didn’t believe then, and that was after we already had sex. in the bed, in the shower, in the car… just ask and i’ll show—“

“stop!” you yelled and the car was filled with laughter. “i get it, i get it!” embarrassment—and something else that you won’t name—filled you. “just drive the damn car!” you added.

as soobin unlocked his door you were anxious with anticipation. were you two moving too fast? you haven’t even kissed yet! soobin pushed the door open and turned to you, grabbing your hands. “we don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” soobin said seriously. you stepped inside, him behind you.

you were ready, it’s felt like a lifetime without him and you didn’t want to wait another second. turning to him, you said, “i want to. i’m ready.” soobin shut and locked the door. he then took your hands in his again, a wide smile on his face. “i missed you so much!”

he started walking backwards, you following. giggling, you replied, “you did?” soobin nodded, laughing lightly. he looked at you like you had just asked him the silliest, most obvious question ever. “i did!” he replied. you didn’t realize that he was leading you to his bedroom until he opened the door while still looking at you. “and i missed taking your clothes off, too!”

“oh!” you laughed, holding a hand to your mouth as he pulled you inside and shut the door. “how romantic…” you teased. soobin chuckled and pulled you into a kiss, his fingers going under your shirt to hold your bare waist.

he pulled away and grabbed your hand, pressing his lips to your fingertips. “we can just talk and hang out if you’re not ready,” soobin spoke softly. you just gave him a look, “i’m ready!” before he could ask you again you started to take off your clothes until you were left in just your matching black bra and underwear.

soobin’s eyes widened at you as his eyes shamelessly looked you up and down. his hands hovered at the sides of your waist where they were before. you raised your eyebrows at him. as if a lightbulb turned on in his head, he blinked a couple times and then jumped into action. quickly pulling off the white flowy button up he was wearing, soobin’s lips were on yours in an instant.

his hands traveled your body as he backed you up towards the bed. when the back of your knees hit the bed, your lips pulled from his as you forcibly sat down. you looked up at him and he stared down at you with wide eyes. “fuck…” soobin muttered and he pulled his pants down. your eyes trailed down his body and to his huge bulge that looked like he was gonna rip his boxers.

you pull your panties off and move backwards on the bed, watching as he took his boxers off and his cock sprung out in full glory. soobin crawls towards you on the bed, capturing your lips in a sweet kiss before pulling away and moving down. “no…” you breath and he looks up at you from between your thighs, confused. “i need you… not your mouth,” you add shyly. you’ve been dripping with need since he had picked you up from your dorm room.

soobin lifted his head and tried to hide his smirk. he pressed soft kisses to your skin as he made his way back up your body, stopping at the band of your bra. “can you take this off for me?” soobin asks in a low voice and looks at you. your whole body felt on fire as you nodded. soobin pulled away for you to sit up.

you reached behind you for the clasp, soobin’s eyes never leaving yours, and undid it. tossing the bra to the floor with the rest of your clothes, the two of you were now completely naked. you felt the heat of soobin’s stare over your body and squirmed under him slightly. pulling his head towards yours, your lips met his to try and smooth some of the awkwardness.

soobin’s hard cock kept brushing against your stomach, making you whine lowly. “soobin…” you whimpered and pulled away. his lips were on your neck then, sucking pretty marks onto them. “let me get you ready, baby,” he said, his hand trailing down your stomach. you moaned at his touch, arms wrapping around his neck and face burying deep into it.

his thumb rubbed circles into your clit as he moved to press his lips on yours, seemingly satisfied with his work on your neck. you moaned against his lips at the sensation and soobin took the chance to slip his tongue into your mouth. he deepened the kiss, his tongue dancing with yours.

when you started to roll your hips up, whimpering into his mouth, he pushed two fingers into you with a smile on his lips. you couldn’t help the lewd moan that came out of you as he pumped them in and out of you. you threw your head back onto the pillow with your eyebrows knitted together in pleasure. “fuck… that feels so good,” you murmured.

soobin continued, humming as he kissed and marked your breasts. you felt the knot in the pit of your stomach tightened and moaned out, “i-i’m gonna cum…” soobin pulled his fingers out of you and you whined at the loss. he shushed you lightly, lips pecking yours, “i wanna feel you.”

looking down, soobin lined the tip of his hard cock with your entrance. he started to slide it inside you, watching your face for any discomfort. once he bottomed out, he stayed like that—unmoving, for a moment to let you adjust. “i really did miss you,” soobin whispered, brushing his nose with yours.

giving him a kiss, all you could do was chuckle lightly. you were too distracted with how fucking badly you needed him to start moving. too distracted with the feeling of him inside you again. running your fingers through his hair, you said, “if you d-don’t start moving, you’re gonna start missing me again.”

laughing as your motion pulled his head back slightly, glasses falling down on his nose bridge, his hips started to roll into your lightly. breath hitching, you shuddered out an exhale as your eyes squeezed shut. you wrapped your legs around his hips tightly.

soobin’s head fell into the crook of your next, heavy breathing and whimpers coming from his mouth as he thrusted faster. you let out a moan as your fingernails dug into soobin’s back. at this moment, you couldn’t even feel bad at it. all you could think about was how soobin’s cock was ramming in and out of you and how good it felt.

that familiar knot tightened and so did your grib on soobin. you whimpered out, not able to speak as your walls clenched around his thickness. soobin moaned at the feeling, bringing his lips down on yours into a sloppy kiss. “i’m so close, baby…” he whimpered. “cum for me… cum on my cock, baby.”

his thrusting didn’t stop. the tip of his cock hit perfectly against your sweet spot, making your eyes roll back slightly and squeeze shut. he was just so big. soobin’s hand came down to your breast, stimulating your perked nipple. you moaned loudly as you squirmed under him, you couldn’t take anymore.

whimpering against soobin’s shoulder, your sweet release covered his cock in creamy white. soobin threw his head back in a moan. “y/n…” he whimpered. you could fell his cock twitch as your walls clenched more around him. a moment later, warmth pooled inside you as soobin filled you up even more. “f-fuck…” he whined lowly, pressing his forehead to your as his eyes squeezed shut.

after a couple moments of laying like that, and of catching your breaths, you started to squirm again. grinding your hip up slightly, you pressed kisses to soobin’s cheek. “want more?” soobin asked, a little breathy, and you nodded.

he flipped the two of you over so that you were now straddling him. cum dropped out of you and onto soobin’s lower stomach. soobin gripped your hips and started moving them back and forth, “ride me, baby.” you pressed the palms of your hands onto his stomach as you began rolling your hips back and forth, eyebrows furrowed and moans on your lips from how sensitive you were.

you moved faster, stomach tightening as you looked down at him, “b-binnie, it feels so g-good…” your thighs were burning, but you didn’t care. soobin’s hands were aiding you and you were sure you were gonna have bruises at your hips from how hard his fingertips were pressing into your skin. “mmm, k-keep going,” soobin whimpered out, a moan following. he stared up at you through hooded eyes, glasses slid down his nose, and his mouth open. “keep going, baby.”

you fell down onto his chest when you began to clench around him again. soobin wrapped his arms around your waist tightly, his hand rubbing circles into your back as he started thrusting upwards. “you did good, baby. let me help you,” he whispered huskily in your ear between moans. not a moment later, you felt yourself cumming around him again with trembling thighs.

“f-fuck, y/n…” he whispered in a low voice. his hands moved to hold your hips, keeping your body steady as he slid in and out of you. filthy sounds filled the room and a moment later soobin’s thrusts faltered slightly as he came inside you again. soobin slid you back down onto his cock and wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling his face into your neck and pressing a kiss that made you shudder to it. he rubbed soothing circles onto your back.

“thank you, binnie. that was amazing,” you said once your heavy breathing resided. you turned to look at his side profile. “there’s no need to thank me, but it was amazing. better than the first time,” soobin replied and you giggled. “first three times,” he added cheekily and you sat up slightly. “what did i say earlier!” you exclaimed as your face heated.

he laughed, the sound vibrating your body and making you bite your lip. “what! it was three times. i’m just clarifying!” he laughed harder once you slapped his shoulder lightly. you laid back down on his chest and tried not to think about the fact that he was still inside you.

soobin was playing with the tips of your hair, when he said softly, “i’m sorry about the whole sunghoon thing again… i don’t know, i guess i was just blinded by everything. i really thought i was about to lose you.” a smile spread over your face and the two of your hearts beat in sync. “it was never gonna be him. it will always be you, soobin,” you stated. you watched as the smile formed on his face, yours growing with it.

“you know, the night of your birthday… when nobody could find you until taehyun did… i know you didn’t want to see me, so i made him go out and search the streets for you. i was a complete mess, but i was so relieved when he found you,” soobin breathed, his eyes closing like he revisiting the feelings. “he said he was letting you sleep in his dorm since you didn’t want to go back to yours and i just had to see you. had to make sure you were alive. you were asleep when i got there, but i just couldn’t leave you alone… not after what just happened…”

soobin opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, avoiding your gaze. “i just sat there, head laying on the table, watching you, making sure you were breathing. the entire night. i couldn’t even sleep, could barely blink. just stayed like that until morning. taehyun said i had to be gone before morning cause he didn’t want you to wake up pissed, but i stayed longer anyways. until i saw you start to stir.”

if you thought back on it, very very vaguely you could remember warmth on your forehead and the sound of the door closing softly. soobin pulled away slightly so he could look at you. “i even wrote you a note for you to take the medicine i left out that i made look like it was from taehyun and forced myself to leave. i’m really really sorry, y/nie. words will never be able to express how sorry i am.” you pressed your lips to his softly as you cupped his cheek.

“i forgive you, i already told you that. it’s okay,” you spoke. you thought back to the morning after your birthday. soobin wrote the note? your mind conjoured the image and you almost wanted to laugh at how you didn’t even realize that it was his handwriting. your heart warmed at the fact that he watched over you that night, even if past you would’ve been pissed about it. “i know,” soobin said, forehead pressing to yours. “i just needed to tell you.”

soobin sat the two of you up, you letting out a gasp and him a small moan as the both of you realized that he was still inside of you. steadying yourself, you looked down as you began to slide off of him, the sticky cum between the two of you spreading. soobin’s eyes were squeezed together when you looked at him, mouth pressed together tightly. you had to stifle your own moans.

once soobin was completely out of you—and your fingers were no longer digging into his shoulders and his your hips—he took you to his bathroom so the two of you could shower together. soobin gave you his clothes to wear and the two of you were on his couch, cuddled up next to each other as a movie played on the tv that the two of you weren’t watching.

you were giggling as he told you about all of his tweets he made when the two of you were apart that he made. “it was really bad…” soobin trailed. “and to make it worse, i went to the beach to think of you and you were actually there! i thought i was imagining things so i was just staring at you for like ten minutes straight trying to figure out if you were real or not.” you laughed at that and pressed your lips to his smiling ones.

“so that was the eyes i was feeling on me!” you exclaimed and soobin nodded while chuckling. “yeah… and then i was like ‘no… now this is getting creepy’ so i left. but i did get a picture of you!” soobin pulled out his phone to show you and your laugh grew louder. “oh my god, you stalker!” you said teasingly and then rested your head on his shoulder. “i’m happy you were there for me during my bad moments… even if i didn’t know it,” you smiled at him.

soobin kissed your forehead, “always. i’ll always be there. i love you, y/nie. you already have my heart.” you giggled a little. “i love you too, and you know you already have mine.” and in the setting sunlight, your hearts called out to each other in sync.

masterlist.

summary: choi soobin has always been the popular kid surrounded by his popular friends. y/n… not so much. one night, soobin and his friends make bet that soobin can’t get y/n to date him in a month. unfortunately for y/n, they’re a hopeless romantic.

A/N: there’s only 3 more chapters left (besides the two bonus chapters i have planned)!!! so if any of you want some bonus drabbles send in an ask!! thank you all so much for enjoying this smau thus far, i’m really happy you’ve all liked it! ♡

taglist: @jjunberry @gothgyuu @spooksh0wbabe @beargyuuzz @carengene @binluvsu @seunnimg @vixensss @kittyhyuka @beomsite @hueningm1ckey @n034sy @littlestxli @starsforbeomgyu @soobiary @bunnisoobin @heiiolifeee @cryingforgyu @dani-is-tired @damn-u-min-yoongi @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @icouldntcareless22 @sleepdeprivedline @jhuuni @thepoopdokyeomtouched @rikizm @curiousgworge @nakaopolo @mwahvvis @cupidsmoons @soobhns @ryunjin0 @punkhazardlaw @phtogravi @choibeomkai @soobiverse @rapmonie2047 @riaawr (if your name is bold it wouldn’t let me tag you!)

— kipo &lt;3

[11queensupreme11]

AB Percy in The Little Mermaid :

Percy as Ariel (girl just wants to go up to the surface world and be with her beau 😭)

Poseidon as King Triton (definitely won’t let girlie go to the surface world “it’s too dangerous Ariel”)(precedes to lock her in the palace)

Prince Eric as Anthonius (this is the human she has fallen in love with and wants to date)

Ursula as Beelzebub (will do everything in his power to prevent Ariel (Percy) and Eric (Anthonius) from getting together and becoming end game

Sebastian as Proteus (just wants to serve his king and protect his charge—the lovable but kinda slow Ariel—from the “evil” humans)

Flounder as Grover (he’s just a gullible, sweetheart looking for his chaotic bestfriend whose trapped in another universe🥺)

Scuttle as Adamas (a loud moron but has nothing but good intentions towards his niece and just wants her to be happy)

P.S. Apollo, Loki, Hades, Anubis, Cu, and Poseidon are also close contestants for the Ursula spot since they also which to break up Perthonius (Ariel and Eric) but—plot twist—it’s so that they can all become Ariel’s psychotic Eric (…once the OG Eric is DEAD asf!!)

RIP Eric u will be missed 🥺😢

BEELZEBUB AS URSULA IS PERFECT BECAUSE URSULA IS ACTUALLY WHO I BASED OFF HIS MER FORM AS!!!!!

if you go back to chapter 21 "the devil is my part-time babysitter" i wrote:

PLUS THE WHOLE THING WITH DEALS TOO!!!! HE'S PERFECT LMAO

and also when they do the whole "kiss the girl" scene where ursula sends her two eels to make sure they don't kiss, i can imagine all the yans actually working together for once to try and make sure she and anthonius never kiss, not because the kiss means she wins the deal, but solely because they're just too jealous and possessive 😭

also, you know that scene where ursula turns into vanessa to enchant eric and steal him from ariel???? there's no damn way beelzebub would EVER turn into a woman to seduce anthonius, but i can see loki taking one for the team only for THIS scene to happen between him and percy (and percy doesn't know that she's actually loki, just knows that there's a rando woman trying mind-control anthonius and we all know how protective she gets when it comes to her loved ones):

and even tho that plan failed, the yans would just take a step back and let it happen because "whoops loki's getting beat up, oh well, back to the drawing board men!" 😭😭

it's just basically all of them doing their damnest to prevent perthonius from happening while also trying not to get caught by percy (i know some yans wouldn't bother being discreet, but let's just pretend for the sake of the AU) 💀💀

[shawtuzi]

happy friday lovelies!!! here’s a little plug!eren drabble that’s been sitting in the drafts for idek how long it’s kinda inspired by ari fletchers cooking show lmao i love her

cw include: black coded reader, reader is a youtuber, some swearing, nothing too explicit mostly fluff, drug usage (they’re making edibles lol)

“is my hat straight renny?” you asked adjusting the chef hat on your head for the umpteenth time. eren hummed and tilted the hat a little to the left before giving you a grin, “yep it’s straight now hurry up and start this shit.” you rolled your eyes and quickly ran over to the camera to turn it on. today was a very special video because you were finally going to introduce eren to your thousands of followers!!! and what better way to do that than to have him do his favorite thing with you which is baking ofc. you cleared your throat before speaking, “hello my honey bunches welcome back to my channel! you may be wondering why i have this on,” you pointed to the chef hat, “and that’s because today we’re gonna be baking!! but not just any regular ol’ treats…they’re gonna be infused” you sent a sly wink to the camera making eren chuckle.

he couldn’t help but watch in awe as you talked to your viewers with such enthusiasm like you weren’t running on three hours of sleep and a starbucks strawberry lemonade refresher. “today i won’t be baking alone though i have a very special guest joining me,” you grabbed eren gently by the wrist and pulled him into the frame. eren sent a little wave to the camera muttering out a ‘sup’. you turned to him narrowing your eyes when you noticed he was missing a very important part of his outfit, “umm where’s your hat?” eren groaned throwing his head back like a toddler, “please don’t make me wear it it’ll give me hat hair.” you put your hand on your hip and gave eren the look and within seconds he was putting the chefs hat on with a dramatic huff.

you clapped your hands together and gave the camera a warm smile, “now that we have on the proper attire we can get started! today we’re gonna start simple and make some super yummy infused rice krispy treats, eren and i have already made our ‘butter’ and if you would like to know how to make that let me know in the comment section!” eren held up a small container showing the ‘butter’ to the viewers. “look how good this shit looks how could they not wanna know how to make it? make sure y’all comment down below or else,” you shook your head letting out a sigh, “eren please don’t threaten the viewers.”

eren kissed his teeth before setting the container down, “what’s the first step mama?” he asked leaning against the counter. “first things first we’re going to preheat our stove, eren already preheated ours so—” you stopped dead in your tracks when you realized the stove was in fact not hot. you turned to eren who was whistling and looking at the floor, “eren…” you spoke calmly tapping your manicured fingers against the marble counter. “yes?” he asked giving you them damn puppy dog eyes. “why isn’t the stove preheated? i asked you to do it before we started,” eren was prepared to give you the excuse of a lifetime but you stopped him as soon as the words ‘well what had happened was’ left his mouth.

“ah geez okay well while we wait for the stove to get hot let me tell you a little about my co star here. for those of you who are new here or don’t follow me on insta this is my boyfriend eren! we’ve been together about three years and they’ve been the best years of my life it’s never dull moment with him,” you got on the tips of your toes to give eren’s cheek a kiss making him smile. “he usually stays behind the scenes when i do my videos but today volunteered to join me,” eren laughed a little too loud and you turned to him raising an eyebrow. “what’s so damn funny?” you asked cocking your head to the side. eren put his hand on his hip like he’s seen you do so many times before speaking, “if by volunteered you mean being held against my will to do this then i totallyyyy volunteered.” you slapped his chest making him let out a dramatic whine, “i would like to set the record straight that he is not being held against his will please don’t call paw patrol yall he’s fine.”

after a few more minutes of playful banter between the two of you the stove was finally hot enough to begin baking. eren grabbed the camera and focused in on you but not before holding it veryyyy close to your forehead, “are you having fun ren?” you asked and he nodded with a smile on his face. you let out another loud sigh before getting back to the task at hand. “okayyy first thing we’re gonna do is add our ‘butter’ now don’t be stingy with it but also don’t put a whole lot in there unless you wanna be holding onto the ground for dear life,” you put about two scoops of the faux butter into the pot.

“now just let it melt and when it’s all melted we’re gonna add these!” you held up a bag of pink and white marshmallows when you noticed someone had already gotten into them. “boy you’ve got to be kidding me,” eren couldn’t help but giggle at the exasperated look on your face. “i had the munchies don’t be mad there’s still enough,” you grabbed a handful of marshmallows out of the bag and threw them at eren. you muttered out a ‘okay biggums’ to which eren responded by giving your ass a quick smack. “i heard that shit don’t call me biggums,” you waved him off before walking back to the pot of melted butter.

“alrighty now that our ‘butter’ has melted let’s add some marshmallows!” you poured a decent amount into the pot but not before popping a few in your mouth. “oh you can eat some but i can’t?” eren asked zooming the camera in on your face. you kissed your teeth and shook your head, “your greedy ass got into them before we even started the video i don’t wanna hear nun!” eren turned the camera to himself with a the fakest pout you’ve ever seen on his face, “y’all see how she treats me? she might actually hate me.”

“mhm…okay anyways now we’re gonna slowly mix the butter and marshmallows together until completely smooth,” you grabbed a rubber spatula and began mixing the marshmallows and butter together. eren had gotten so wrapped up in watching you mix he didn’t even realize the camera was now pointed at the ground giving your viewers a nice shot of his pink crocs with sanrio gibbits. “um eren” you spoke breaking him out of his trance. “all my viewers are getting is shot of your big ass feet,” eren let out a quiet ‘oh shit’ before pointing the camera back to you. “well it’s too late i’m already done mixing!” you threw your hands up in defeat. eren pointed the camera back to his crocs, “well as long as i got the camera on them y’all can’t tell me these muhfuckas ain’t hard. we need to normalize men liking sanrio!” eren was possibly the worst cameraman in history.

you grabbed the camera pointing it back to you, “anywayssss now let’s add the rice krispies. the most efficient way to do it without spillage is using a measuring cup,” you added three cups of the cereal to the pot. you turned the oven on low before beginning to mix the ingredients together, “eren it’s getting a little hard to mix, you mind taking over?” eren let out a hum before handing you the camera. “this is the most important part you really wanna get that shit mixed in well,” eren said matter of factly. “then when it’s done we’re gonna bring it over here and pour it into this pan,” eren walked over to the glass dish you had already set out and began to slowly scoop the rice krispy treats onto it.

you set the camera back up and quickly scurried to eren’s side, wrapping your arm around his waist. “we’re gonna let these cool for just a few minutes until then why don’t we answer some questions from the subscribers!” you pulled out your phone and opened your notes app, “eren doesn’t know this but i posted on my sorry a while ago and asked you guys to send in some questions for a potential q&a and that potential q&a is happening right now!” eren grabbed the bag of marshmallows and leant against the counter, “ask me anything you want i’m an open book.”

“the first question is: ‘how did you guys meet?’” eren looked at the ceiling in thought before speaking, “i was selling a particular product she was interested in…i thought she was really pretty so i threw in a little extra and the rest was history.” you swooned when you thought of how you met eren for the first time. it’s insane how intimidating he was the first time you met him now he refers to himself an a “sanrio boy”. “next question is: how did you know you liked me?’”

the corners of eren’s mouth lifted up as he thought of his answer. “well we were at a block party one weekend and i was her ‘date’ everything was going fine till i saw some tool tryna cuddle up to her,” you hunched over in laughter remembering the terrified look on the poor guys face when eren approached him. “to make a long story short i beat his ass, did some reflecting on why i did that, and soon enough i made y/n mine and only mine. next question!” eren popped a couple marshmallows in his mouth obviously proud with his answer.

“okay okay last question for right now: ‘what’s one ick you both have towards each other?’” before eren could open his mouth you piped up with a quick ‘me first!’ eren rolled his eyes popping another handful of marshmallows in his mouth. “my ick is how ugly your feet are,” eren nearly choked on the marshmallows when he heard your answer. “excuse me?!” he yelled tossing the marshmallows aside. you pulled your lips into a line looking in the other direction, “baby you know i think you’re the most gorgeous man on the planet….but your feet are hideous they literally make me nauseous.” eren quickly snatched up the camera and was about to kick off his crocs and socks but you took the camera back just as fast setting it back up, “you are not about to scar my viewers no way sir. now go ahead and tell me you’re ick let’s get this shit over with.”

eren huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, “i was gonna say i had no ick for you but now that you’ve talked shit on my feet i’m gonna have to say my ick for you is how loud you snore!” you gasped at eren’s words your mouth dropping open. “i do nawt snore,” you growled balling your hands into fists. “yeah yeah whatever you say i’m surprised such a loud obnoxious sound can come from someone so cute and cuddly,” you were about to rebuttal but instead you shook your head and calmly got back to the task at hand.

“now that our rice krispy treats are nice and cool now it’s time for the best part: tasting it!” you grabbed a knife and cut out two pieces for you and eren. eren reached to grab one but you quickly pulled your hand away narrowing your eyes, “take back what you said about my snoring.” eren scoffed and got reallll up in your face you couldn’t believe how much audacity he had! “i’ll take that back as soon as you take back the feet comment” you both stared at each other before eren surprisingly broke first. “fine fine! i take it back just gimme the damn treat,” you have him the rice krispy treat and a nice little kiss on the cheek. “isn’t he just the sweetest guys,” you smiled giving eren another kiss on the cheek.

“let’s bite in synch okay one…two…eren!” you were absolutely dumbfounded when eren had taken a massive bite before you even got to three. “these are good nice job baby,” he said with a mouthful of the delicious treat. you took a bite muttering out a ‘thanks’, they were in fact very delicious. so delicious you both ate another and then split one. “we’re gonna take a quick break and we will report back to you when the treats have done their thing!” you turned off the camera and let out a loud sigh when you realized how much editing you had to do meanwhile eren seemed to be in good spirits.

“i think that went well hm?” he smiled wrapping his arms around your waist, giving your forehead a sweet kiss. “do you know how much editing i’m gonna have to do renny? i hateee editing,” you pouted nuzzling your face into his chest. eren shook his head and cupped your face with his hands, gently stroking your cheeks. “let’s not worry about that right now let’s focus on how fucked up we’re about to be we ate probably more than we should’ve,” he said glancing at the half eaten pan of edibles. “oof you’re right let’s worry about that later.”

about two hours later you and eren had somehow ended up on the living room floor both completely blazed out of your minds. “eren….” you mumbled craning your neck to look at him. “y/n…” he said back turning his head to look at you. you cracked a small smile and suddenly both of you burst into a fit of laughter. “we…we gotta finish the video baby,” you giggled sitting up. eren groaned before sitting up as well but as soon as he got up he stumbled and fell flat on his face, “m’gonna lay here a minute.” you gave eren’s ass a smack before getting up, making your way to the camera.

“well besties as you can see those treats clearly worked,” you said zooming in on your bloodshot eyes. you then turned the camera to eren whose face was still smushed into the carpet, “actually they worked a little too well.” you turned the camera back to yourself letting out a small yawn, “well until then stay tuned for my next video i can’t quite remember what it is right now so i guess it’ll be a surprise when i post! catch y’all on the flip side!” you turned the camera off and tossed it on the counter before collapsing next to eren. “good work sweetums,” you mumbled to which he replied with a muffled ‘you too sexy’.

[princessbiteme0o0]

You’re My Home. (Jschlatt x Reader)

WARNINGS: Fluff, age regression (It’s not a Daddy kink, there’s a difference), depression, sweet Schlatt, protective Schlatt

Summary: I honestly don’t know. I’m just miserable and want to write out my pain lmao (I wish this was real lmaoooo)

—🌸—🌸—

Schlatt sat at his office computer, talking to Ted as they filmed the podcast. It had been a long week for both him and his girlfriend, who currently was asleep in one of the other rooms on the couch.

“This has been a crazy week, Ted. I’m so fuckin’ tired.” Schlatt complained, running a hand over his face.

“Oh yeah? And how’s (Y/N)? Shea told me that she’s been texting her complaining about her job.” Ted replied with a raise of his brow.

“Don’t even get me started.” Schlatt grumbled with a scowl. “She’s beyond exhausted and keeps pushing herself so hard that she was bordering on a hospital visit this week for exhaustion.”

“Well shit dude. Tell her to quit.” Schlatt waved his hand in frustration at Ted’s words.

“I’ve tried, but she’s so damn stubborn that she won’t. Even tried telling her I’d take care of her and-“ Schlatt is cut off by the door to his office creaking open. He turned towards the door, ready to yell at one of his employees for opening the door, but his eyes softened when he saw her standing in the doorway, wearing one of his extra large shirts on her little figure. Her hair was messy and she looked exhausted.

“Daddy?” She mumbles out, rubbing her eyes. Tears of frustration were in her eyes as she stared at him.

“You know I’m recording, Pumpkin.” He sighs out softly, a small frown crossing his lips when he sees the tears in her eyes.

“Jay…” She whimpers out and Schlatt leans back, patting his thigh. With a tired smile on her lips, she padded over to him and sat on his thigh, burying her face in his neck. “Love you…” She mumbles, giving a small wave to Ted through the camera. She heard Ted chuckle softly and let out a teasing ‘aww’ and she rolled her eyes, hiding her pink cheeks in Schlatt’s neck. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him, hands gently rubbing her back as he continued the podcast with Ted like it was nothing. She was quick to fall asleep there on his lap, the sound of his voice filling her smaller body with warmth and making her feel safe.

Once they were done recording the podcast, Schlatt carefully carried her to the couch and laid down with her curled up on his chest. He knew that she had really been struggling at her job, he knew that she was stressed. It was obvious how depressed she was by how much more often she was slipping into her regressive state. The more it happened, the more he felt the need to protect her and her innocence. He loved her for everything about her, but the main thing that pulled him in was the purity of her. Her big heart and loving smile, the way she looked at everyone like they had the best intentions.

He was pulled from his own thoughts when he felt her stir on top of him. “Daddy?” She whispers out, trying to curl herself further on top of him and his arms gripped her just a bit tighter as if to protect her.

“Hi there, Toots.” He teased softly and when she giggled one of her small, warm giggles, he felt his chest swell with love for her.

“Missed you.” She mumbles, placing a kiss on his chest.

“I was only recording for an hour, Honey bun.” He chuckles, kissing the top of her head.

“I know, but you’re my home. I feel like I might die without you.” She speaks softly, readjusting herself to peer up at him through sad eyes.

“(Y/N)…” He whispers out, his eyes brimming with tears. She constantly showered him with such love and passion that he honestly questioned if he deserved it, but she was constantly quick to assure him that he did.

“I know… You don’t like all the lovey dovey stuffs, but I mean it.” She smiles softly, kissing his chin gently.

“I know you do, Sweetie… I love you so much.” He replied with a shaky smile.

“You couldn’t imagine just how much I love you.”

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader : INSTAGRAM AU

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, g_eazy, yourbestiename and 8,567,345 others

yourusername 🎶 Que me dé duro, que me diga cosas nasty. Que me quite el estrés y me quite los panties 🎶 🚨 new music coming soon ‼️

View all 1,300 comments

yourbestiename OHHH HOT DAYUMNN 😋 🥵

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yourusername Your mom is on here, she’s going to call you and scold you.

jackharlow She just did 😩

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user no he just doesn’t care because he shares her with all these rappers.

jackharlow 😂😂😂chill out

claybornharlow Why do people make things up? Straight out of their ass? My brother is happily married, has two beautiful kids. He doesn’t have to address a damn thing because he knows everything at home is perfectly fine. So can you guys stop.

urbanwyatt Plus Geraldo is a groupie, he’s been wanting to get with y/n and y/b/n

jackharlow 🙄 Over it

•

Liked by yourusername, claybornharlow, neelamthadhani, urbanwyatt, and 4,344,976 others

jackharlow It’s their world, I’m just living in it.

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yourusername Mis amorcitos 🥺

urbanwyatt Mia is a mood

yourusername Come get your goddaughter because the way she was acting before the picture was taken, total diva 💅🏼

urbanwyatt 😂😂 I believe it.

jackharlow She demanded a little spa night because her day was “exhausting” from making sure her little brother didn’t run off into the penguin sanctuary 😭😭

urbanwyatt Who’s gonna tell her Ezequiel is afraid of penguins?

druski how is one afraid of penguins? Oh Jackman’s seed only 😂😂

jackharlow I’ll fuck you up. If I recall correctly, didn’t you have him feed a duck and he got poked??? So now he’s afraid of ALL bird animal related.

cozane Dru be terrorizing kids everywhere.

yourusername That’s why my kids terrorize him back 😈

druski They really do, won’t forget the time Mia called me broke 🙄 she’s lying to everyone.

claybornharlow Don’t lie on my niece now.

•

Liked by yourusername, djdrama, neelamthadhani, yourbestiename, and 7,334,876 others

jackharlow Did you miss us? 🤪

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yourusername WE’RE BAAACKKK 👀

urbanwyatt They not ready 🤫

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djdrama 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔜 💿

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jackharlow 🤪 💜

•

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yourusername ✨ Life lately ✨ what it’s all about. The three loves of my life.

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jackharlow 💜💜💜

jackharlow I love you

jackharlow Also not me missing the last slide 😭 you play too much

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yourusername 😭😭😭

•

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[slutisnotabadword]

I decided that I’mma take a big step back from the 911 fandom, because if last episode has taught me anything is that you guys have forgot to enjoy the show you’re watching.

As soon as the episode is over, all I’m seeing is unnecessary Tommy hate, people giving up on Buddie and people criticizing people for giving up, people saying Karen is oc, and that Eddie was acting out of character, and blah blah blah, and like all of you are wrong LMAO.

I think the problem is that everyone is watching this show with the expectation of watching the entire’s show’s future in one episode. Y’all want everything now, and it’s just not gonna happen like that, and on top of that, y’all want everything to be what y’all expected. So, let me crush that shit for you.

NO, they’re not gonna bring up Tommy’s past. They actually don’t give a fuck about what that man did, and you know why? Because the producers of whoever on this show literally called up Lou and was like “Hey, we need someone to be Buck’s boyfriend, wanna do it?” And that mf was like “Yeah, sure why not.” That’s most likely what happened. You know why? Because Tommy is only gonna be here for a very short time, so who gives a flying fuck. And Tommy in episode 5 wasn’t even that damn bad. Eddie acted the same way in the other cursed episode years ago. The only difference I would say about them is that Eddie expects Buck to believe in curses because he known him longer, so now it’s more endearing and induces playful banter. And with Tommy, this relationship with Buck is more new and his irritation comes from a place of genuine annoyance, instead of more endearing like Eddie. That’s it! That does not mean that Tommy is the devil’s incarnate, calm down.

NO, Eddie isn’t going to bust out the rainbow flag and touch nipples with Buck in one episode. ESPECIALLY now. Look, I want Buddie to happen, more than the next person. But this is Eddie Diaz we’re talking about. Eddie has a lot of shit to work through, and I’ll be honest with you, we probably won’t see Buddie become official until around the end of season 8. It’s the hard truth, but take comfort in knowing that this is indeed Eddie’s season—hence, the plethora of photo shoots and spotlight this man had recently.

NO, the characters weren’t oc. Karen had the right to be upset that Hen was always missing out on their family’s big moments, and from the fact that Hen doesn’t really try her hardest to take off of work. In my opinion, I think that’s a great way to open up the topic of the 118 becoming everything for these characters—like Hen, Bobby, Buck, Eddie, Chim—that they would forget that they have family at home, because the 118 is also their family, as well. no i mean, is that so hard to consider? They work these 24 hour shifts, and even sometimes longer and go through these traumatic events all the time. Of course there’s going to be some intense loyalty and bonds that would seem to “overshadow” what they have at home. That is actually a very interesting plot direction the writers could explore.

I could go on and on about the wild takes in the 911 fandom, because there’s just so many that I didn’t realize before. But can we all please, genuinely, shut the fuck up. Like for two seconds and enjoy our show. Because let me tell you what’s happening, you guys are theorizing yourselves TO DEATH. You guys are creating these wild expectations and you are setting yourselves up for disappointment. It’s good to hope for the things you want and sometimes it’s fun to theorize, but TAKE A BREATH. Because we are starting to look like crazy people, and let me remind you that these people SEE THE SHIT YOU’RE SAYING. You don’t think Oliver, Kenny, whoever the fuck is watching you rant on and on about how Tommy is a bastard and complaining that Eddie’s not gay yet. Get y’all shit together because it’s starting to look embarrassing and WEIRD.