#he will always be a certified icon in my books

[lfcrants]

amd just like that, it’s the end of MinoManéMo. Bobby you will be so deeply missed😭❤️

[illubean]

Can you write something for reader stealing illumis clothes to wear? :3

Favorite Sweater

Characters: Illumi Zoldyck Type: Fluff, Oneshot, Gn!reader

certified Zoldyck fashion icon right here

Warnings: none

There were many perks to having a rich boyfriend. But one thing you didn't expect to like so much is his extensive wardrobe. It's almost as if he had an outfit for every occasion. He had so many articles of clothing and yet you had only seen him wear the same 5 outfits.

He wouldn't mind if I borrowed some of this...right?

You looked towards the door of the room and back into the grand walk-in closet before you. Illumi was out on a job and wouldn't be back until later this evening, so you could have your fun playing dress up without getting caught.

Making your decision, you step into the closet and look around at the sleek, black shelves. There were so many things hung around the space. He had a wall of suits, another for shoes, then more casual clothes neatly folded and stacked on top of each other.

After looking through all his fancier clothes, you make your way over to the every-day wear and search for something you might steal. Even all of his casual clothes belonged to expensive brands.

Tom Ford, Valentino, Versace, Yohji Yamamoto...geez I could only wish to own this much designer.

During your search, one particular item caught your attention. A soft, purple zip up that was vaguely familiar.

Now where have I seen this before...

A few moments passed then it finally clicked. This was one of his favorite sweaters when he was a teen. You'd seen it in many photos that his mother had. Smiling at the thought, you decided he wouldn't mind if you were to borrow this for the day. Putting the sweater on and making sure you left your boyfriend's closet as clean as you found it, you went on your merry way.

A few hours had passed since your raid on Illumi's closet, and you were now laying on his bed, reading a book. You heard a click as the bedroom door opened, signaling your boyfriend was home. You looked up from your book and smiled.

"Welcome home Illu-bae"

He hummed in acknowledgement, walking past you and towards the closet you had been poking around in hours prior. But suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and turned towards you before tilting his head.

"bitch Is that my sweater?"

You looked down at yourself and back at the man.

"Huh, I guess it is."

He only blinked before returning to his previous task, changing out of his dirty clothes. After changing, he wordlessly approached the bed and flopped directly on top of you. You let out a puff of air at the sudden impact, while Illumi layed his entire body weight on you. Huffing, you set your book to the side and brought your hands to play with his hair.

"You're heavy."

"You know that was my favorite sweater?" he questioned, completely disregarding your previous statement.

"Mhm. Y'know Illumi, you should start wearing different outfits. I mean seriously, there's so many things in your closet that would look so good on you!"

He hummed before sitting up slightly to look at you in your eyes. With the same stoic expression he always has, he says

"Yeah, well I like this sweater on you more."

[screamintoad]

Silanche kid-Alaric Vanrouge

I liked both vers so take em. RSA pride and Diasomnia pride

“I was hoping to attend NRC like my sister but…maybe I fit in better here.”

Voice claim: TBA

Character info

  Alaric is a quiet and sometimes timid young man. He prefers his own company unless he’s around people he likes. Sometimes others will find him curled up somewhere taking short naps in between longer classes. Sometimes the third year students will poke fun at him because they know his sister went to NRC but he always brushes them off, until they find a snapping plant in their dorm rooms a few hours later. Despite that though he’s a straight A student, he’s quiet but he’s learned a lot from growing up in Briar Valley and around the royal family. He actually talks a lot to his roommate, especially about books they’ve read or are reading. 

  His household is quite large since it’s him, his older sister, his parents, grandpa, and great grandmother all living together. Not including the animals. But, he wouldn’t have it any other way. His mom told him about when it was just her and her grandma living together with their old dog and he’s always thought about how lonely they both must have been. At home in Briar Valley he’ll be all over town, from helping at his mama’s bakery, to his granny’s flower shop, to hanging out at the castle when Silver is on duty. 

Fun facts: Aroace icon. Certified mama’s boy. He doesn’t want to become a knight but he would be around his sister when she was training so he learned some things that way. Blanche and Granny Primrose made sure to teach him all about plants and botany, y’know, just in case. When he visits home, him and Fleur have a tradition of going on a trail ride past a waterfall that they’ve dubbed the “Fire Fall” because at sunrise the water appears golden-orange, then they’ll race back home and the winner chooses their next activity. 

Basic info

Age: 16

Height: 173cm/5’6 during first year, 185cm/6’ at graduation 

B-day: February 2nd (Aquarius) 

Dominant hand: left

Family: Blanche and Silver (Mama and Dad), Fleur (sister), Lilia (grandpa “old man” for funnies), Granny Primrose (great grandma “granny”)

Nickname: Lil bat (by family), Ricky (by friends)

1st year

Class B

Club: Horseback riding club

Best subject: Botany

Hobbies: Gardening, reading, baking

Pet peeve: People who can’t mind their business

Favorite food: His mama’s cooking

Least favorite food: His grandpa’s cooking

Talent: Tending to plants

Character dynamics

Fleur: Thick as thieves, they’re inseparable when either of them comes home. Even as kids he would always follow her around. If he’s busy with something then she’ll be the one to find him and hang out until he’s finished. 

Jane: Opposites into best friends. He doesn’t encourage her late night visits but he always hints that it’s okay. 

Luna Howl: If he has bite marks they’re from her. Somehow she always drags him into her and Jane’s shenanigans, yet he never complains. 

Joey Howl: Big bro. But seriously they’re close as well, he helped push him into confessing to Fleur. 

Mika Bucchi: Roommateee. They spent the first week at RSA in complete silence, until Alaric saw him reading one of his favorite books and got so excited he asked about his thoughts on it. Ever since then they’ve talked to each other a lot more. He still forgets to warm him when Jane visits. 

HOWL SIBS BELONG TO @blood-red-bumblebee AND MIKA BELONGS TO @twtysevapr

anddd extra tags: @gimmeurmoneyagh @babyghoul138 @bunniehunn @angelwishess @moonyasnow

@skibidibabygirl @justm3di0cr3 @midnightmah07 @beneathsakurashade @4necdote

@theolivetree123 TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED OR NOT

[cerealmonster15]

Now I'm very curious about this Ruggie 2nd Years Rizz...

oh shit now i gotta back up what i said LOL omg lemme think um um ok here are scenes off the top of my head that TO ME are certified ruggie moments w/the second years and also me talking about their vibes,,,

that one vignette story [i think ruggies ceremony robes] where hes helping out at mostro lounge and he and azul have a hive mind moment where theyre bonding over their money grubbing ways, and jamil is also there and says something like 🧍 hmm wow you two are unnverving when you are together actually. and theyre both like "yeah normally i cant stand his fake ass but we can unite over money ♥" what the hell ever common gay goals i guess 😒kljksldfjdskljf they could come up with SO many money schemes together,, a slowburn via ruggie doing odd jobs at mostro lounge... it could happen ejlekjwrlkdjfsf

actually kalim has a flavor of rizz too but in his case it's like "everyone is my best friend and i cannot be deterred even tho it's kind of off putting in hater school but also it's kind of cute" while ruggie is that "lovable scamp who is kind of a bitch and definitely scheming behind your back" vibe LOL and theyre so funny together. i think kalims lab coat story is the one that comes to mind for them where kalims like OH FUCK i have to cancel the party bc jamil said so and cant help sorry everyone :( and ruggies like NO i will NOT forgive you we HAVE to throw the party. with food. and then they go make food together in the cafeteria and it's cute. i think thats also the one where ruggie was like lol teeehee what if we got this outrageously expensive mushroom for the party haha teehee- and then sam was like yeah i have it in stock and kalim was like yeah ok sure ill buy it. and ruggie was like WAIT FOR REAL??? they are just always a silly combo when theyre together fdlskjfskl like prince and the pauper or whatever... ruggie is doin whatever it takes for a free meal or a quick dollar and kalims like "i am sweating cash money and i love my friends ill buy you whatever you want :)" ruggie has the street smarts to keep kalim alive and kalim can keep ruggie fed lol. ruggie would have his hands full forever but i believe in them LOL. but also ruggie calls silver and kalim the "ira fuwa" "facepalm brigade" and how theyre so frustratingly like. nice and/or oblivious and i think that's FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY i like when ships are FUNNYYY so to me. thats more points fklsdjfkls

ruggie and jamil. they are so funny. i already liked them as 🤝 fellow working class boys [similar to why i LOVE ruggie and epels bond but sorry epel youre banished to the first year realm this post aint about u] i lied when i said off the top of my head, bc i had to double check this one but in JAMILS R card regular uniform story it's jamil ruggie kalim and leona at lunch, jamil and ruggie have like a 2 second bonding moment of basically being the attendant of the other two. once again ruggie likes food and jamil really likes to cook so i do feel theres promise there. but then also when GLOMAS halloween event dropped, that was more proof. that one scene where theyre paired off running together and manipulate those npcs to buy themselves more time,,, w/their schemes and lies and similar style unique magic/signature spells.... sjdklfjdskf they could be such an awful little duo together and i love that for them. truly an iconic moment of partners in crime

RUGGIE AND RIDDLE!!! this is one i initially was like "huh where is this coming from" back in ye olden days of twst bc i'd randomly run into this one person who kept making fanart of them and every time it would end up being by the same person lolol. and back then i think they hadnt interacted too much outside of that one scene in book 2 where ruggie steals riddles magic pen [teehee enemies 2 lovers potential,,, tried to push riddle down the stairs/got his best friend instead... also could apply a lil with jamil considering jamil was also one of his victims] anyway i like their opposite energies, kinda like a lite version of floyd/riddle with ruggie taking the role of one being more loose and, again like w/kalim, hes more street smart. riddle was sheltered all his life. i think theres potential to balance each other out. AND THEN ALSO later we got halloween 2 event where riddle ruggie and ortho were in a group together searching for mirror shards. i thought it was cute when they bonded doing a lil puzzle and all talked about doing an escape room together. I saw cute fanart of that once and it hasnt left my mind

ALSO speaking of riddle but also kalim and silver theres the beloved anthology comic which counts in my mind. the one where silver was struggling to stay awake and asks ruggie for his notes and then kalim is like LETS HAVE A STUDY PARTY ILL ASK JAMIL TO HELP!!!! and ruggies like YEAH FREE FOOD also we should invite riddle.

look at that. like ruggie even openly admits later hes literally just there for the feast but he made a point to be like We Need Riddle Here Also and i literally cant stop thinking about it actually. like sure hes right in terms of studying but like did he even give a shit about that part. also since im here and i need to talk more silver/ruggie theres also the part of this same comic where silver touches ruggies ears and he immediately falls asleep

like wtf thats so cute [source btw...] [i cant remember if they had any rule on reposting screenshots but i didnt see any when i was glancing around so i hope i am not killed for this!!!!]

once again ruggie has the street smarts that can assist silver who grew up in the woods with his only other socialization boy his age for years being Sebek Zigvolt jklJFDKLSJKFLS blease teach him what regular(?) boys behave like. and then back again like what i said in kalim's part, where ruggie called them in one of those laundry stories [i cant fuckin remember which vignette it is bc at least 2-3 of them are about laundry and i MIX THEM UP] but i think it's one where ruggie goes with leona to diasomnia and are like "hey bitches malleus' robes got mixed up with leonas" and silver is there and silvers like "oh my god malleus made a friend" and leonas like "i literally do not like that man what the hell" and ruggies like "sorry leona silvers just like that. so is kalim btw." like im obsessed with the concept of silver and kalim being So Sweet And Oblivious that apparently the other second years are all looking at them like a unit and being like "man what is their problem" thank you ruggie for this lore. for my life.

ruggie n the twins r also funny. like what i said with azul i could see him having a slowburn when hes working at mostro lounge lol and i could see it as a haters to lovers thing bc everyone in this place is a BITCH but we love that for them. i think ruggie would be fighting for his life with floyd but tbh who wouldnt be. actually idr much of their interactions except i think they were both in portfest on team performer and even then i cant recall specific interactions fjklfjeklwjflew bc floyd was like fuck this im already good at shit you bitches are on your own LOL but also i remember floyds whole thing bein he can just pick up whatever skill as needed whenever it suits his fancy and he learns real fast. i think ruggie could #respect the grind except i dont think floyd gives a shit about doing it for money. redirects to azul and his schemes JFKLDJSKLFJSD still. i think they could be funny plotting scheming bitches together if they wanted. i think this is my weak spot i cant remember many specifics BOYS WHERE ARE YOU!!! but also theyre the 2 odd ones out in terms of second years w/o an onscreen classmate. thats one point in their box LOL. i think floyd would join ruggie in a little snooping and stealing of snacks. for funsies.

okay and then jade the reason i even brought it up in the tags of this post lololol even they i think havent interacted too much that i can remember <- suddenly remembering book 3 was all about bananaclaw helping destroy octavinelle. except i think ruggie was barely there actually and the twins were mostly in the water so this still tracks. i think. well anyway that's not the point MY POINT IS RUGGIE AND JADE in ruggies R card uniform story is funny. i love that ruggie was in the cafeteria in the middle of the night looting for snacks and then jade just. Was Also There. hello fellow student i am very normal and taking a walk at night <- i actually did this in college all the time so idk why im bullying him but. dont fancy boarding high schools have CURFEWS actually idk. anyway. i love how quick and crafty ruggie is the second he realizes hes FUCKED UP and jade might KILL HIM [and then jade just. god i literally never know when hes being coy or genuinely like 🧍what do u mean i am a regular teenager why ever would anyone fear me.] anyway they kinda matched each others freak A LITTLE a little bit. jade is a bigger freak but i like that ruggie sorta has that octavinelle schemer vibe to him sdkjfklsd "hey you ate my vegetables" "oh FUCK well ill trade u with recipes" "wow these r awesome teach me more" "NO that will cost you >:)" "ohoho i see how it is >:)" like ruggie feared for his life for a second but as soon as he did what he promised he was like alright fuck u im outta here teehee. fears deleted. bastard mode returned. a scheming silly little guy who is good with cooking fits right into the little octavinelle pocket

ok that's enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i actually think about the second years a lot more than i care to admit LOL they are really fun to mix and match but tbh i say that about every group of students. divorce vortex third year toxic yaoi polycule.... second years are all shoved in a barrel that im shaking back and forth at top speed.... the first years are always trying to kill each other but are also kinda ride or die,,, ough it's cute i love sorting characters into groups and drawing connected lines to them jKLFJDSKLFJ ok i have to go draw overblot yaoi now. thats not related to ruggie but it's related to second years. bye!!!

[miroslavcloset]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Yooooo this is the perfect opportunity to spam you with the fandoms I've been into recently, so *cracks knuckles

-Dc stuff

These days I've been re-watching the Injustice lore (thanks to my undying love for Netherrealm studios) and my DC love reignited, tbd I dislike Marvel so here I am being a bat-simp

-Tolkien stuff

But I'm getting head-first into it, I already bought the Numenor books and the Silmarillion, also my silly head is already making a lot of headcanons about everything. HEAR ME OUT what if the Witch King of Angmar was the Witch Queen of Angmar, the ring being given to a powerful queen, the iconic line of "No living man may hinder me!" and only a woman being able to kill them would be AMAZING, so yeah, for me now the Nazgul captain used to be a queen and now she's my feminist Icon bye

-Dragon Ball stuff

Homegirl is binging DBFighterZ tournaments and of course my love for the redesigned Broly is always there, top tier husband material. Also I'm sure @jorongbak has a severe back-pain for carrying the fandom in their shoulders, their comics and fanart are everything to me

-Mortal Kombat stuff

WE'RE GETTING A NEW GAME AND IS CERTIFIED FRESHHHH They took all the characters they could and turned them into legit snacks while giving them interesting stories, amazing world building and graphics that will melt your brain, I'm never getting tired of how much this game loves me

-And Thomas Müller

He always makes me happy ❤️

[scatteredpiecesofme]

Most hilarious moments in YR S2

A non-complete list of my favourite comedic moments, in random order. God bless Lisa for these gems.

GOOD MORNING FUCKERS will always be one of my favourite lines in the show. Iconic.

VINCENT literally every single time he appears on screen. I know he's an asshole, he treats everybody horribly and I officially hate him. But unofficially I fucking love him. Him and his little beaded necklace (oh the way I'm obsessed with that necklace!)

NILS nonchalantly mentioning GRINDR and giving Wille a speech on upper class gay dating while pissing and scrolling his dick

WILHELM's super-confused face at Nils casually mentioning Grindr and gay dating (no really I couldn't stop laughing, baby was so lost). "You give me a call, we'll hook you up." HELP

HENRY apologizing for COCKBLOCKING

KRISTINA's "UH... OK?" when Wille tells her about Simon being on a date. I mean, I know it's a dramatic moment, I really felt for Wille and I hate Kristina, but still

I'VE GOT A HAIRCUT (no need to elaborate)

TWINKS? BEARS? ASIANS? LATINOS? my second favourite iconic line after "good morning fuckers"

BADASS WILLE in ep1, when he confronts and humiliates August in the party scene and the lunch scene. Technically they are not supposed to be hilarious moments, but they gave me so much joy and personal satisfaction that I need to include them in this list

PETTY SIMON!!! The dodgeball scene is everything. I've rewatched it a million times, it's my crack

"He's LGBTQ certified, so it'll be fine". Don't get me wrong: it's great that Boris is trained in LGBTQ topics, love it, what makes me laugh is just the way Nils says it

In general, NILS in his GAY ERA is such a mood throughout the whole season!

WILLE unashamedly calling the Royal Staff to have POKE BOWLS delivered in his room (and he spoke with Jan-Olof of all people??!)

HENRY in every scene about the book presentation: he just really doesn't give A SINGLE FUCK and he's not even trying to hide it

MALTE'S face when Sara tells him "I think I want to have sex with you" and then just leaves

VINCENT saying "Send a dick pic. Then you'll know why you were rejected" to Henry. Thing is, he's not even trying to be funny. He's dead serious

WILLE being the only one in all Hillerska not to understand that Simon's song is about him

VERBIER? Huh?

[royalsunshinehotel]

Pegging (Preference, 18+)

requested by my beloved @lover-jpeg, and co-written by my dearest @hecuba-of-troy

Anwar Kharral (Skins UK, 2009) - Anwar worships the pussy, we know this. We appreciate this about him. But before anything he is a Hoe. And bisexual icon. - You're beautiful, badass, partner. If you ask nicely, he'll be down. - Though what threw you was the fact that he did have his own strap for you to wear. - He said that his 'ex' left it, and you get side tracked about if he means the sweet, beautiful, Italian tennis player, or that mean heidi klum-knockoff that you fought at the VMAs. - You get around to the act eventually, and it's great for both of you.

Neelamani "Neal" Sampat (The Newsroom, 2011-2014) - Dude, Neal LOVES pegging. He's been around the block and he's concluded that it's one of his favorite things. - We know he's got experienced, but he's gonna wait for you to ask, because it seems odd to spring on someone you've just started seeing officially. - The man is a retired hoe, and switch, and truly, deeply, down for whatever the hell you're gonna throw at him. - When you see him fall apart for you, you conclude that this is going to be a tri-weekly thing for you and your partner.

Sunit "Sonny' Kapoor (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, 2011, 2015) - Like your entire relationship with Sonny, the conversation about pegging was spur of the moment. - You hadn't seen him in a square 24 hours because both of the Hotels had three weddings booked between them. - Your man is too damn hyperactive, he needed a break. - So the moment you could get your claws into him, you drag him away from work and push him down into your bed, and ask "do you trust me?" He says yes. - You tell him bluntly, "I'm going to fuck you." and his eyes get wide. - It has to be one of your favorite things to see Sonny calm down for you, just rock back onto your strap while you pull his hair and tell him what a "good boy" he's being for you. - From that moment on, it's your secret weapon on how to get Sonny to calm down.

Deon Wilson (CHAPPIE, 2015) - Deon's not the most experienced, he's been open about this. - Paired with the fact he had some major emergency surgery in Johannesburg, you take the physical stuff at his pace. That's some serious body trauma, you're not gonna rush him. - But then, one evening, he's hanging out at your apartment, and he asks you a question. You say yes immediately. - Deon's skittish, nervous, just as you expected. But you soothe him, like you always do. - He thinks he's going to die for a moment, but being an overstimulated puddle in your partner's arms? There are worse ways to go. He would know. - You reach around to jerk him off, taking in all his small moans and whines. He falls apart. 10/10.

Sheru "Saroo" Brierly (LION, 2016) - Saroo is literally too much of a dom. Like it's hilarious. - Like he doesn't really care about pegging, it just doesn't sound like it would be particularly fun. He likes being in charge. That's it. - That's all you need for a "no", because what else is there? - Though, to be honest, the last time you brought it up, the night ended with your bedframe broken and several major bitemarks in impractical places. Not too bad.

Sanjay "Jay" Menha (The Wedding Guest, 2018) - Jay is a no. But not a hard no. - Like maybe one day, once things have settled down. - When he's got you a house, with a white picket fence, and you guys eat casseroles or whatever the hell married people do. - But for now, he can't give up control. He can't let himself let go just yet.

David Copperfield II (The Personal History of David Copperfield, 2019) - David is a certified bottom. You guys are swingers, and your more than happy to share him with a handsome man who asks. - With David's enthusiastic consent, obviously. - He bottoms for men, but he likes to have you there. The natural progression is you wanting to try it for yourself. - It wasn't intentional, but the time you spend at the club is cut almost in half. Barring Edmund. You both adore Edmund, and that's final! - Adding pegging to your shared repertoire only brings you both closer together.

Joshua Madika (Modern Love, 2019) - Joshua definitely identifies as queer. Specifically pansexual. - He's bottomed before, but it's not common for him. Joshua is a CEO, and you don't become a CEO without loving control. - But the thing is, your his baby. You want to try it, and you always get what you want. Just as it should be.

Sir Gawain (The Green Knight, 2021) - This man will get tossed around by anyone and everyone. - He definitely gets pegged he's down for it. Whoever, whenever, he's down. - During orgies at the castle, he could be in a group with mostly women all over him, but he feels someone in that area - And our favorite whore of a knight just things "okay, whatever" and enjoys the ride. - He's never been pegged in private though. - When you bring it up, he gets a bit nervous. It's a bit too real if it's just the two of you. - But you take care of what's yours.

[turnleftaticela]

Genesis for the ask game ?

@carlpalmer also asked me this so here you go :)

Am I a fan?: No what makes you think that

First song I heard by them?: Well That’s All from the radio probably, but also when I was a kid my mom used to listen to A Trick of the Tail (the album) a lot plus random songs like Just a Job to Do and the Three Sides Live versions of Turn It On Again and The Lamb title track, so something in there.

Favorite song?: Supper’s Ready, A Trick of the Tail, Guide Vocal + Duke’s Travels (well the entire Duke suite really), Los Endos, Unquiet Slumbers + Quiet Earth (+ Afterglow), Dodo/Lurker, The Fountain of Salmacis, Home by the Sea + Second Home by the Sea, Dance on a Volcano, the live In the Cage medley (+ Afterglow), and for a current (as opposed to certified all-time) favorite, Deep in the Motherlode has really been growing on me lately. Also everything (OH WAIT AND WHO DUNNIT)

Favorite album?: In no particular order, A Trick of the Tail, Nursery Cryme, and Duke. Then the next tier is probably like, Wind & Wuthering and Mama or self-titled or whatever you want to call it, and then after that it’d be like Abacab and Foxtrot and I gueeeeeess Selling England. Etc. Most recently I’ve been in my “listen to [intimidatingly dense album] on repeat till it’s baked into my brain” phase with And Then There Were Three. Still getting there. What was the question again

Favorite music video?: A Trick of the Tail will always be adorable. Robbery Assault & Battery is great too. OH and Jesus He Knows Me is like, the peak of iconicity. That might actually be my favorite full stop. Oh and I Can’t Dance is so good too

Have any merch?: Mhm I’ve got some CDs + records and a t-shirt or two. I really oughta get more stuff. Oh and I have Mike’s book but digitally not physically

Seen them live?: Yeah :,) I saw them back in December and if I talk about it any more than that I will cry

Favorite member?: Ehh idk tbh. Completely unrelated somebody should send me Tony Banks as a separate ask for this game

[seducing-a-vampire]

I felt called to do this today-- and just generally to shout about how in awe I am of the talent in this fandom!

Tagging all those I tagged here, if you feel like it! And anyone else who wants to share the love! xoxoxo

I limited myself to only one-shots posted in the last few months and still got a little out of control. So, here are just a few of the MANY fics that have blessed my AO3 history lately! 

call it even by @effing-numpties​ (T, 846 words)

“And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown” -'tis the damn season, taylor swift

Baz returns home for the holidays and runs into his ex-roommate/almost boyfriend in a pub.

BEST TAG: baz being really dramatic send tweet

MY THOTS: it’s no secret i am a slut for carry on x taylor swift content (and calli keeps gracing us with that!!!), but even apart from that, this is an achingly beautiful fic. The dynamic of seeing each other after years apart and never knowing what could have been is expressed so wonderfully. It’s a hell of an emotional journey in < 1000 words, and I can’t wait for the rest of these evermore fics!! 

I have the power of magic and Vine compilations on my side by @vampire-named-gampire​ (T, 5240 words)

“What’s going on?” I whisper to Penny, who’s gaping at Miss Possibelf, her expression part excited, part horrified. “Listen,” she says, rolling her eyes. (She’s scarily like Baz sometimes. Or Baz is scarily like her.) “That includes memes, Vines, Tik-Toks and whatever else you could think of,” Miss Possibelf says. My mouth falls open as I realize what’s going on. “Are we… are we doing Internet spells?”

BEST TAG: the mage gets owned

MY THOTS: if you somehow missed this gem during COC, please do yourself a favor and RUN to AO3 right now. It’s hilarious and sweet and we truly love to see established relationship moments at Watford! Brought us iconic spells like “Move I’m Gay” which is canon to me now.

left on read by @sncwbaz​ (G, 1671 words)

Baz stared at the texts long enough that his screen almost turned to black again. He was about to close out of the app when a tiny speech bubble with moving dots appeared at the bottom of the chat. It took him a moment and a held breath to figure out what this meant. Simon was typing.

__

Baz can't sleep and decides that reading through past text conversations he's had with Simon is a good way to spend the very early ours of the morning. Things get interesting when he suddenly sees that Simon is typing something. At 3am.

BEST TAG: low key angst 

MY THOTS: a quietly heartbreaking but also hopeful look at simon + baz’s relationship as they struggle to connect sometime pre-WS. They’re tender and hesitant and awkward, and it’s all beautifully written. read this!

NSFW recs under the cut: 

Been In Between by @snowybank​ (E, 1586 words)

“Ready for another?”

Baz splutters. “Absolutely not. I do have a refractory period, Simon.”

Simon and Baz are soft (and hard) and they test some limits.

BEST TAG: just a fuckin SPRINKLE of praise kink and monsterfucking

MY THOTS: Yall. I don’t even know what to say except if you are a human with a pulse you need to read this fic. Lauren is a fucking ICON at writing smut with so many feelings, and this was an absolute masterpiece. The best part of it is ... kind of a spoiler???? At least it took me by surprise and positively melted my heart. So read it and be melted yourself.

Hot in Here by @otherworldsivelivedin​ (M, 2599 words)

Simon Snow can’t dance. At least, that’s what I thought. This fic is pure self-indulgence over the fact that 90s/00s R&B is The Best genre to go dancing to 👌 and my all time favourite HC that Simon can't ballroom dance, but that boy got moves and I will die on this hill.

BEST TAG: A love letter to 90s/00s R&B

MY THOTS: i cry when i think about how much I love this fic. Dem spun the most masterful world in a small space, and it’s just so FUN????? it’s HILARIOUS??? and I just love to see these boys enjoying life. truly an instant classic in my mind.

Envy of the Gods by @motherscarf​ (E, 8526 words, see warnings)

“You are a naiad?” The nymph rolled their eyes. “You are a cow? Or a man. Both?” Their tone was sarcastic. Simon didn’t notice. “I am a man,” Simon frowned. He hadn’t tucked his tail very well- it twitched free as if it wanted to argue with his statement. Simon pretended he didn’t notice. “You don’t… seem like a nymph.” “And what, pray tell, does a nymph seem like?” Sneered the nymph.

Or, Orpheus & Eurydice au, but Simon is a minotaur and Baz is a naiad

BEST TAG: cancel Apollo 2020 

MY THOTS: okay, I admittedly was not a Greek Mythology Gay (tm) and i am woefully lacking in said knowledge, but that did absolutely nothing to lessen my enjoyment of this beautiful and heart-wrenching fic. Also, I’ve since been working my way through percy jackson books for the first time (lol) and this fic has been oft on my mind. The prose is immaculate, and the emotions are soft, and just everything is too too lovely and bittersweet!!!! GAH.

Adams Driver is Well Fit by @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire​ (E, 709 words)

Set Watford 8th year. Simon and Penny watch Star Wars at the cinema. Is Simon really thirsting after Adam Driver - a certified sex god? Or could it be someone else?

BEST TAG: The author isn't into Adam Driver but can sure appreciate good aesthetics

MY THOTS: i am incredibly self-indulgent in reccing this because Di very kindly wrote it for me BUT everyone else should read it too because it is: (1) hilarious, (2) sweet, and (3) truly demonstrates the lengths of simon’s lack of self-awareness. and we love that for him. also in my mind, everyone in CO/WS is a star wars nerd.

[voice-of-anarchy]

The Story Behind The Song: Arch Enemy's As The Pages Burn

Arch Enemy’s inspirational anthem certified Alissa White-Gluz as the perfect fit for the melodeath masters

Well established as one of the world’s premier face-ripping metal bands, Arch Enemy had already undergone a major personnel change when original frontman Johan Liiva had made way for the iconic Angela Gossow in 2000. From then on, Michael Amott’s virtuoso crew were unstoppable and, increasingly, a certified big deal. So when the wildly charismatic force of nature that is Angela Gossow announced that she was stepping down from the job of frontwoman and dedicating herself to Arch Enemy’s behind-the-scenes affairs, fans were left to ponder a tricky question: who the fuck could replace her? Fortunately, someone with all the right credentials had been doing their homework.

“I remember buying Wages Of Sin [Arch Enemy’s first with Angela] when I was a teenager and I’d just started to be in a band,” says Alissa White-Gluz, now Arch Enemy’s firmly established figurehead and vocalist. “It was a prog band, kind of Dream Theater-ish. I was doing all sorts of clean vocals, discovering my voice and what I wanted to do. I think it was one of the people in that band who said, ‘If you like guitar stuff, you should check out Arch Enemy’, so I got Wages Of Sin, without really knowing anything about them.”

In the often-unhinged world of heavy metal, some things seem to be written in the stars. Already on a path toward a musician’s life, Alissa heard something in Arch Enemy that instantly struck a chord, and it continued to resonate more and more as she discovered more about them, including the fact that Arch Enemy’s barbarous vocals were being delivered by a woman.

“Obviously I’d heard vocals like that before, but I remember leaving the music store and putting the CD into my Discman because I wanted to listen to it right away,” she recalls. “I was on the bus back home, flipping through the booklet, and I saw Angela’s photo. I was like, ‘Oh, wait a second!’ Ha ha! It was inspiring to hear that kind of voice and see that kind of face. As a teenage girl, it got me excited and thinking that maybe I could do that too.”

Roughly a decade later, Alissa was well on the way to fulfilling her dreams, both as frontwoman with Canadian metalcore mob The Agonist and as a live vocalist for US power metal legends Kamelot. Increasingly renowned as one of the most versatile and powerful female vocalists around, she was (with hindsight!) the perfect replacement for Angela Gossow, not least because the two already had a friendly relationship. One day, everything just fell neatly into place, much to Alissa’s surprise.

“It was all relatively simple, which sounds strange, but I was friends with Angela already and we spoke all the time,” Alissa notes. “I’d met Michael and the rest of the guys a bunch of times, although I didn’t really keep in touch with them. I was on tour with Kamelot at that point, and we were in South Korea when I got an email from Angela that said, ‘Can you jump on the phone with Michael real quick?’”

As you might expect, Alissa was available for a chat with Michael Amott, and within 10 seconds of connecting to the Swedish guitarist, she found herself with an irresistible offer to become the new singer in Arch Enemy, with Angela’s full approval and endorsement as a rather lovely bonus.

“That moment in particular in 2013, it was weird because I was 27 at the time,” she says. “My friends and family were always joking, like ‘Don’t join the 27 Club! You’ve got to get through 27!’ and all that. Then, within one month I met Doyle [burly Misfits alumnus and Alissa’s partner] and got the call from Arch Enemy, and that was right before I turned 28. So it was this weird thing, like, ‘OK, so this is actually the best year of my life!’ It did kind of feel like a cosmic event or something, I guess.”

Another indication that Alissa was destined to be a member of Arch Enemy was that she swiftly developed a winning songwriting partnership with Michael. As a fan of the band she was joining, the task of writing lyrics over Michael’s relentlessly explosive trademark sound was one she relished.

“Oh, it was great. I knew Arch Enemy’s entire catalogue musically, so I was already familiar with the writing style to some degree. As soon as he started to show me the songs for War Eternal that didn’t have any vocals yet, it was just so nice to hear a song and it’s already kickass, you know? There was nothing like, ‘Well, this part’s not so great and I need to rearrange this…’ It was just, ‘This is amazing and I’m so excited to write on it!’”

Having experienced such a life-changing event, it comes as no surprise that Alissa was in a philosophical mood when she penned the lyrics to songs for her first album with Arch Enemy, War Eternal (2014). Now a seemingly permanent fixture in the band’s live sets, As The Pages Burn stands out as the most lyrically incisive among them: an inspirational anthem about discarding the baggage of the past and striding confidently into a new day.

“It was a feeling that if every day in your life is a page in your book, you can lighten the load by burning the past,” Alissa explains. “I liked the idea that you could be present, but look forward. Nothing is written in stone, everything can be burned and changed. In a way, it came down to being 27 and thinking, ‘Am I gonna die this year?’ because that’s what people do when they’re 27, right? But actually no. I was gonna be reborn. I’d just met the love of my life and I’d joined a band that was the opposite of everything I’d experienced before. I didn’t even have to be the same person today I was yesterday.”

As transitions go, Alissa White-Gluz’s assimilation into Arch Enemy was as seamless and slick as it gets. Significantly, the response to War Eternal was almost universally positive, with the band’s new frontwoman receiving a large part of that acclaim for her dynamic and distinctive contributions to the new songs.

“I was excited. I wasn’t so much anticipating the fans’ reactions, because I had been so embraced by Sharlee [D’Angelo, bassist], Michael, Daniel [Erlandsson, drums], Angela and Nick [Cordle, now ex-guitarist], and I just felt really confident that I’d delivered great vocals for a great album. Also, because I was an Arch Enemy fan before and I knew it was a good Arch Enemy album that I’d happily buy and listen to on my Discman! Ha ha!”

With the new material hitting the spot with just about everybody, all that was left for Arch Enemy was to try out their line-up in front of an audience. Having navigated a change of singer with audacious levels of calm and common sense, Alissa and her new bandmates were probably destined to experience a few bumps in the road. Nothing ever goes that smoothly���

“Yeah, we had crazy circumstances for the first shows. We had problems with the bus so we were late for the first show. Then I broke my ribs on the second show because I fell onstage. So it was this crazy trial by fire, which seems appropriate for As The Pages Burn! but the shows were still amazing. I remember the very first show. After the first or second song, I started talking to the crowd and they started chanting my name! At that point, we all felt like, ‘Yeah, this is going to work!’ It was a really good feeling.”

Seven years on from the release of War Eternal and it’s hard to imagine anyone else as Arch Enemy’s singer. The follow-up to War Eternal, 2017’s Will To Power, added many more raging anthems to the band’s illustrious catalogue, and their reputation as one of metal’s most formidable live acts remains unassailable. Clearly, all of this was written in the stars. As Alissa bellows in As The Pages Burn: ‘A second chance carries expectation / The books you’d written no longer exist / The future is in your pen / Ink to paper, now begin…’

“In some ways I don’t feel more attached to my lyrics, as opposed to Angela’s or Michael’s,” Alissa concludes. “Any time the crowd is singing along with me, I get that feeling. We’re all a team and I’m happy to sing the other guys’ lyrics. There are even times when I’m singing one of Angela’s lyrics and I look out and I can see Angela singing them back at me! But As The Pages Burn is a big one. It’s a staple of the setlist and we play it at every show. It’s just amazing to have your words and your music appreciated.”

Published in Metal Hammer #351. Arch Enemy are due to tour Europe with Behemoth, Carcass and Unto Others in autumn 2022. See archenemy.net for more

[mydarlinginej]

read my full review of hang the moon by alexandria bellefleur here.

In a delightful follow-up to Written in the Stars, Alexandria Bellefleur delivers another #ownvoices queer rom-com about a hopeless romantic who vows to show his childhood crush that romance isn’t dead by recreating iconic dates from his favorite films…

Brendon Lowell loves love. It’s why he created a dating app to help people find their one true pairing and why he’s convinced “the one” is out there, even if he hasn’t met her yet. Or… has he? When his sister’s best friend turns up in Seattle unexpectedly, Brendon jumps at the chance to hang out with her. He’s crushed on Annie since they were kids, and the stars have finally aligned, putting them in the same city at the same time.

Annie booked a spur-of-the-moment trip to Seattle to spend time with friends before moving across the globe. She’s not looking for love, especially with her best friend’s brother. Annie remembers Brendon as a sweet, dorky kid. Except, the 6-foot-4 man who shows up at her door is a certified Hot Nerd and Annie… wants him? Oh yes.

Getting involved would be a terrible idea—her stay is temporary and he wants forever—but when Brendon learns Annie has given up on dating, he’s determined to prove that romance is real. Taking cues from his favorite rom-coms, Brendon plans to woo her with elaborate dates straight out of Nora Ephron’s playbook. The clock is ticking on Annie’s time in Seattle, and Brendon’s starting to realize romance isn’t just flowers and chocolate. But maybe real love doesn’t need to be as perfect as the movies… as long as you think your partner hung the moon.

my review:

After reading and enjoying Written in the Stars, I was excited to get Brendon and Annie’s story in this book! The premise sounded very cute, and I really liked the cover. Hang the Moon depicts a romance between a hopeless romantic and someone hesitant to fall in love.

All his life, Brendon has been chasing love; he’s even created a successful dating app for people looking for their one true person. Meanwhile, Annie, his sister’s best friend, comes into town on vacation to visit Darcy. When she tells Brendon about her reservations about love, he makes it his personal mission to show her that romance is real.

This book takes place in Seattle, with Brendon playing tour guide and showing Annie around town. It was interesting reading about the places they went to; I always like when a book intertwines a setting into the story!

read my full review here.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 29

and continuing on!

the cover w/megatron and tailgate....tg so tiny...ooough

omg I forgot abt swerves long ass recap lol

the fact that they lowkey lampshade the fact that as mtmte was really hitting its stride, ending s1 fantastically, they got sucked into the whole dark cybertron thing...Ls

TG AND CYCLONUS HHHHH

tg as a lil car...and cyclonus smiling when he hears him coming...HHHH

also I love that cyclonus kept the great sword that he like, found amongst the belongings of all the dead circle of light members lmao 

or maybe the dude it belonged to didn't die, but he was too intimidated to ask cyclonus for his sword back. understandable 

tgs reaction to megatron...omg. I love him

I love ‘star sabered’ as a way of saying ‘drunk’ lmao

OUGHBHGGBHGJIHHIUHGHH and then when tailgate is like ‘ok, but HAVE I been missed?’ and cyclonus smiles and says ‘very much’ IM GONNA FUCKING DIE. this is only the BEGINNING of the tender gay pain for these two, how am I gonna survive this

the fact that tailgate’s criteria for ‘best day ever’ includes ‘people knowing who I am’ and ‘people being nice to me’...my boy 😭😭 

ah, trial time. I'm not really one for court/procedural stuff, and the gay space robots edition of judge judy is about as much as I can handle 

OOOOOF the list. the liiiiiiist

AUGHHHHH rodimus....rodimus....please make good decisions my boy

TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him

the little swerve icon on the ‘no guns no swords no briefcases’ sign omg

the panel of megatron like, smirking and reclining while ultra magnus yells at him is wild...I always forget that those two like, actively didn't get along at the beginning, mostly bc we only see that for a few issues, but still, it’s pretty ironic considering how things end up w/them later

lost light insider...I SO wish we could've gotten that one-shot issue about the guy who writes it, that's ridiculously up my alley 

skids saying ‘I don't think you’re fit to drive’ to trailcutter is like, bending my brain, bc like...is it a DUI if a transformer drives around in alt mode while drunk...you're not driving a car, you're driving YOURSELF, but still...bruh

oh god starscream is here hvbakjhfbjksdbfj he’s such a bitch I love him

starscream putting on his theater kid crown, ready to make the fuck-up-the-plot-of-a-series-I'm-not-even-in speech of a lifetime

magnus and optimus: ok enough drama you gay idiot get to the point

that panel of starscream raising his hands up like ‘ok ok sheesh lol’ is so fucking funny

ok oh man, that is an epic speech. like, ooof. ‘he deserves pity.’ WOW

I feel like it also does such a good job showing how much bad blood is between starscream and megatron, and goes to show how megatron fucked Absolutely Everything up, including his dynamic w/his subordinates 

anyways, I cant believe starscream roasted megatron so hard that megatron ended up become a main cast member in mtmte bc of spite lmao

meanwhile nightbeat is contemplating the Mystery Stick™

nightbeat yet again pulling his bbc sherlock bs on somebody, this time...chromedome, certified grieving widow. never change nightbeat hvbhjakdsfbsakjdf

AUHGHHHHHH DATA GHOST REWIND IM HHHHHHHHHH

HIM 😭😭😭

I'M SO FUCKING SAD

REWINDDDDDDDDD

meanwhile, trailcutter is wearing a gopro to pull some sick illegal pranks for his youtube channel

there was probably a content creator power vacuum in the lost light youtuber community after rewind died and now everyone is scrambling to be the next big vlogger/editor

megatron: we should play this by the book

magnus: I have no choice but to simp

nautica is that Straightedge Square who gets caught up in sketchy shit and just dips vbhsjdkbfdjaskdf. the cops get called on a party and she's already gone, she drove you there but she left w/the car, whoops. I love her

oh I adore the panel with all the stuff labelled. tho ‘ambulons stuff (untouched)’ is making me really sad

ah, the premiere of the panic bubble, which will indeed be showing up again later

meanwhile starscream is doing lowkey anime poses and waxing poetic about how hard he dunked on megatron in front of everyone. I get the feeling he’s been waiting a long time for that one

oiguhahgudaf I forgot about chromedomes weird looking alt mode. cooked turkey lookinnnnn

don't knock ‘the power of love,’ nightbeat. You'll See™

the fact the cd is still looking for dominus even tho rewind is dead and also they haven't like, had any leads in millions of years...oof it hurts

gotta be honest, my first readthru I didn't understand the (really cool looking) panel of the lost light from the outside w/half of nightbeats hab suite missing, bc I just was like ‘oh its a visual framing technique for Cool Comic Panel’ lmao

ok I need the backstory of megatron being able to karate-chop people into permanent sobriety

megatron hiring trailcutter but in the most threatening way possible

oh, good, the coffin’s bleeding!

OHHH and the reveal that RODIMUS IS IN THE COFFIN and OH HEY we STILL haven't seen rodimus in the flash forwards have we??? hmmm

optimus: ok back to judge prime: luna 2 trials, magnus you got anything to add?

magnus: ಠ_ಠ(•_•)

and then we have megatron being the pettiest mfer in the known universe and changing his plea bc starscream pwned him ONCE 

hhhh and rodimus looking at the list...It Fuckin Hurts. my boy please make a good decision

thinkin abt how if optimus was like, supportive and understanding when rodimus tried to open up to him about his struggles w/leadership, all this might've gone differently...AUGH

anyways, cool issue! we’re doing lots of setup for the new status quo for s2, and there’s a mystery afoot! 

I don’t have much to say here tbh lol, this is a good issue and all but I don’t really have anything to add, soooo til next time!

[redspiderling]

What other characters/women in shows and stuff do you like?

Heya anon!

Goodness, tons. Well done for asking a question that could have me going on and on for ages.

Elizabeth Bennet was probably my first love in fiction. I read P&P when I was like... 10 years old, because my mother is a literature nerd xD Then there’s Jane Eyre, obvious feminist icon. 

There’s also the somewhat lesser known character of Margaret Schlegel from Howards End, which is such an underappreciated work of fiction btw. I always loved Margaret’s monologue about her sister, which was an indirect support of female rights (note that this book was written in the early 1900s, and by a man no less. I was shocked with how spot on he was with that passionate speech about oppression. Then I found out he was gay and it was a very “oooooh, that makes so much sense” moment).

I’ll move a bit further towards Easter Europe and bring up Sonya Marmeladova from Crime and Punishment, because she deserves to be here. She was a literal angel and I swear to God Russian women are certifiably the most badass creatures to walk this Earth (joking. All women are badasses).

I’ll also always harbour a soft spot for Blanche DuBois, just because her story is so god damn heart breaking. She’s the sort of character that I bring to mind whenever I need to strengthen my convictions on why we absolutely need feminism. Speaking of theatre, Antigone is a badass lady and if I ever have a daughter, I’m naming her in her honour.

Oh! Also, Celie from the Colour Purple is my touchstone. I think of her on rainy days and take a deep breath. I’ll be forever grateful to Alice Walker because she gives me strength and hope.

I consciously don’t watch a lot of TV because I get hooked and end up binge watching like crazy. But I used to be a huge X-Files fan, which means Dana Scully completely dominates the field here for me. But I will give honorable mentions to Miss Fisher -who is absolute perfection- and Lena Luthor (I watched Supergirl in quarantine even though it was a bit too soapy for my taste but boy, Katie Mcgrath delivers).

Speaking of Scully and Lena Luthor, God, female characters get fucked over All.the.time. Looking at almost the entirety of Scully’s storyline (What WAS this fascination Carter has with our reproductive system?! Will somebody ever explain this BS?!), and the latest... Shenanigans in Supergirl, I’m seriously not impressed.

[insufferable-know-it-all-blog]

A Ranking of the Gayest American Girl Dolls

When it comes to lesbian subtext in the American Girl series, there's so much to unpack. Today I'll be discussing the 6 girls I deem the gayest.

Honorable Mentions

Felicity

Tomboy and horse girl. Has a companion doll. She hates learning etiquette. The Jiggy Nye redemption arc in her series is better than Snape's redemption arc, in my opinion. You may think she’s gayer than an honorable mention, but I think her traits read as “see this is a good and interesting colonist! She’s not like other girls uwu” as opposed to gayness. I am open to debate on the matter.

Addy

Her stories are much higher stakes than most of the other dolls', so the most time we have for subtext comes in her short stories and in her relationship with her friend Sarah. For example: 

An enemies-to-lovers fic where Addy and Harriet are grown up could be veeeery interesting though.

Certified WLW (women-loving women)

6. Molly

Molly's lesbianism is more quantifiable than some of the other dolls. Some contributing factors are:

- bad at math

- lots of internalized self-loathing

- obsessed with her teacher Miss Campbell/daydreams about how pretty she is/snoops into her love life

- her OUTFITS

5. Josefina

Josefina Montoya is a Historical Doll (now called BeForever) from 1824 living in what would later become New Mexico. She's a soft girl with aspirations of becoming a healer. She's scared of goats and has a cool aunt, Tía Dolores.

Much of her stories revolve around adjusting to life after the death of her mother, and her relationship with Tía Dolores.

I don't want to gloss over this: there's a lot of discussion (in the stories and in the historical information at the back of each book) of colonialism and America's treatment of the west and those who live there.

There's also a fair amount of domestic tasks, playing music, and admiring flowers.

tldr; Josefina was the original cottagecore lesbian

4. Julie

If Molly's gayness isn't quite subtext, Julie's is canon. She's so lesbian-coded by way of lesbian stereotypes that I'm surprised a pride flag doesn't come with her accessories.

Julie petitions to join the boys basketball team, becomes an environmental activist, runs for student body president, and attends a Presidential debate. Her mom also has some very gay vibes, being a recently-divorced woman starting a career by opening a resale shop.

Julie lives in 1970s San Francisco and uses her privilege to lift up the voices of others and hold those in power accountable. Julie and her pet rabbit said gay rights.

3. Lindsey

Lindsey is the first Girl of the Year, released in 2001. She was also the first Jewish American Girl Doll. The title of the second chapter of her book is "What a Mess!" A mood. She’s not as well known so I’m going to fill you in a little bit more than with other dolls.

Lindsey is a flaming ball of chaos that ruins everything important to her family (according to herself.) Her story kicks off with her being disgusted to learn that her school is holding a "pet parade," which entails dressing pets up in human clothes and parading them around. She prepares a speech for her class to tell them off, but her teacher shuts her down. Lindsey doesn't take this well. She snatches an iguana and climbs up a tree in protest.

She plays the trumpet in her school band. One day she asks her band teacher if he has a girlfriend and she's very sad to learn he's single. How can he be happy without a woman to take care of him? Projecting much?

Lindsey also befriends a girl who is often bullied in school, cries in the bathroom (a gay ritual), and is told by her uncle, while dancing at her brother's bar mitzvah (post-Matzo ball food fight) that she is not a worm, and despite her chaos, is very loved.

Lindsey knows what she values and will throw food at your face or climb up a tree if you disrespect her. She also craves validation because she feels like a failure due to her unconventional approach to life. A lesbian icon in the making.

2. Kit

Kit spends six books telling you to fuck off with your gender roles, thank you very much. There's a lot of focus on Kit's life as a reporter and what her growing up during the depression will mean for her future expression of identity.

One part of her books that highlights Kit's relationship with gender roles and heteronormativity is when Ruthie reads fairy tales because she likes princesses, but Kit reads Robin Hood because she likes how he steals from the rich to give to the poor and tricks a sheriff. While Kit could become a case of "I'm not like other girls," I think this is avoided by her close friendship with Ruthie. She doesn't necessarily look down on traditional women's roles, she simply has other ambitions.

So yes, this part of her story is important, but what really sells it for me is her longing for adventure and her passion for baseball and Amelia Earhart.

Also? Her bomb outfits.

At one point, Kit gets anxious and hides under her porch. A lesbian oasis.

Kit is a practical and clever young lady with a bright future ahead of her. Keep up the great work, you icon.

1. Samantha

I have read, with my own two eyes, people calling Samantha a homophobe. Please.... I am so tired. Do not underestimate her like that. Let's dive in to the biggest lesbian of the bunch: Samantha Parkington.

Okay so first of all her series begins with her falling out of a tree and sassing her sexist Grandmary. From there, she grows close to Cornelia, her Uncle's girlfriend, who is involved in the fight for women's rights in the city. Samantha is heavily influenced by her and through the books, develops many of the same opinions.

When an Irish girl (Nellie) moves in next door to become a servant to Eddie Ryland's family, Samantha befriends her and teaches her to read. She never speaks down to Nellie or looks at herself as a savior, she just acts on what she thinks is right. The "Looking Back" sections of Samantha's books cover topics like social progress for women, the wealth gap, the treatment of servants, and the disparity in education between classes.

While Samantha follows in Cornelia's path, she also forms her own ideas. For instance: Samantha wins an essay contest with her essay on progress in American factories, and why America is excellent for such progress. When she shows Nellie her winning essay, Nellie tells her that it doesn't represent the truth of factories. Samantha sets out to uncover the truth about child labor that many Proud Americans have kept hidden. She decides she can't read her winning essay, so she changes it and calls out those who condone unfair labor in factories.

Samantha respects every person she comes across and always sees herself as an equal, not a superior. (Except her asshole neighbor, Eddie Ryland. He can choke!) Like Julie, Samantha uses her privilege to bring accountability to oppressors and fight for what's right.

Samantha loves women and won't rest until they all live safe, healthy, and happy lives. She questions the status-quo. She seeks revenge on the men who have made girls' lives hell. And she really loves her Uncle Gard and Aunt Cornelia. And climbing trees.

I imagine Samantha growing up and moving to New York City, hanging out in lesbian-owned speakeasies, and becoming a Mae West stan.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about American Girl subtext on twitter! If you enjoyed this article, please share it with a friend or two! Thank you for supporting an independent writer and American Girl stan.

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 4: Let’s Ms. Behave

Sources:

Charlotte Corday

The British Museum

Brooklyn Museum

Find A Grave

History Channel

UCL Art Museum

Encyclopedia Womannica (Podcast)

The Blonding of Charlotte Corday

Giulia Tofana

Wut. (Podcast)

History Collection

Historical Post

Medium

Mike Dash

Virginia Hill

The Mob Museum

Encyclopedia of Chicago

Alabama

Further reading/watching: The Damned Don’t Cry (1950 film), Bugsy's Baby: The Secret Life of Mob Queen Virginia Hill (eye roll from Alana), Virginia Hill (1974 film)

Click below for a full transcript of the episode!

Lexi: A brief warning about the following episode of Lady History: this episode contains sensitive topics, such as suicide and murder. If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. To learn more, visit suicidepreventionhotline.org 

Alana: I think my therapist is listening to our podcast.

Haley: Wait what really?

Alana: Yeah. Because I was looking at like our dem– like our listenership and it said a bunch of people in Arlington and I don't know that many people in Arlington. I know like my mom's... my parents’ like family friend from… my dad like went to high school with them and then they introduced my parents and we call her my Arlington mom and so I was like oh maybe it's her but that's too many people to just be her and I think my therapist lives in Arlington and I told her about this so shout out Dr. Sterman.

Haley: I would love–

Alana: If you’re listening.

Haley: –Your next session she's like ‘by the way I don't listen to your podcast’ even though... and just like out herself from… not super listening but also listening we just had… 

Alana: I might bring it up. I'm seeing her on Tuesday, virtually obviously, but I’m seeing  her on Tuesday.

Haley: ‘Just wondering, do you listen to my podcast?’

Alana: Well I'm going to talk about how like ‘oh I started my podcast and it's doing this this and this for my mental health’ and then be like… just see if she says she’s listening.

Haley: I feel like she wouldn’t though. I feel like she wouldn’t just to…

Alana: I don’t know if she would.

Lexi: Does that cross the like professional boundary?

Haley: Yeah…

Alana: Is that a HIPAA violation?

Lexi: Is it though? It’s only a podcast

Haley: Well none of us are in the medical field.

Lexi: No. We are not.

Alana: Let us know.

Haley: So we can’t have a definitive answer. But I can see someone–

Lexi: Hey if you're in the medical field or are a certified therapist please email us at ladyhistorypod@gmail.com and let us know if listening to your patient’s podcast violates HIPAA.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Thank you. You can also email other stuff there. Don't, don't– you don't have to be a doctor to email us.

Alana: No. I also I have a– because you can do asks on Tumblr, and I have our ask page for the Tumblr– Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com– I have… you can suggest a lady.

Lexi: Please, suggest ladies.

Haley: I would love that.

Lexi: Please suggest ladies to us at Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com.

Alana: You can also DM us, and as previously mentioned if you DM the Instagram that's Lexi and if you DM the Twitter that's me and they're both at LadyHistoryPod. We're gonna plug that again at the end so it's just a constant cycle.

Haley: No one can slide into my DMs. I'll just use one of… if you want to slide into my DMs, use like, the Twitter and just be like this is for Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and they’ll know it’s for me.

Lexi: Okay if you DM or email any of the accounts, if you need the message to go to Haley, please use that name only. Any messages directed to Haley will not be given to her.

Alana: We’ll be like ‘who’s Haley?’

Lexi: So go back–

Haley: I don’t even know what I said. I forgot.

Lexi: No, so go back–

Alana: Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and I will never forget it.

Lexi: Just go back, listen to that however many times you need to to get it in your brain, and then use that when you address Haley in any of your communication to our general inbox.

Alana: Hang on, my light went away because I have to go change Haley’s contact info in my phone.

(Lexi and Alana laughing)

Haley: I really hate if like I am interviewed for a job and they’re like… ‘so…  Twinklebear McPuss-n-Boots… 

(Lexi laughing)

Alana: It was Sprinklebear

Lexi: You didn’t even get it right. She can’t even–

Alana: Sprinkle… Sprinklebear… 

(Lexi laughing)

Haley: I used to have a crush on Puss-n-Boots when Shrek first came out.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History, the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I’m the next best thing to being in the same room as Lexi. Lexi, what's the name of your favorite plant? 

Lexi: My favorite plant is probably a pothos. Just really cute, a cute plant, a good plant, grows well, grows well in my climate, has not failed me, has not died, so that is why I love the pothos.

Alana: And also in the virtual studio is Haley. Haley, how’s the weather?

Haley: It's quite gloomy. I am in San Francisco so we're still dealing with the wildfires. But I think it's just Karl the fog today.

Alana: Karl the fog?

Haley: Yeah the San Francisco like fog that just like looms over this bay area is called Karl. He even has a Twitter, a whole kids’ picture book. Karl the fog.

Alana: That's giving me An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green vibes.

Haley: And also, oh, the SF MOMA… the new building of it is Karl the fog. It doesn't– it looks kind of like a… like an old time steam iron, like on an ironing board. But it's like meant to be Karl the fog. Or like blend in. Karl just mushes his way through San Francisco.

Alana: Oh my god that's incredible.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: And I'm Alana and I theme my canvas tote bags based on event.

Lexi Nice. Solid.

Alana: Thank you.

Haley: So can I tickle your tastebuds with a fun fact?

Lexi: Oh… oh, tickle away.

Alana (whispering): Tickle your tastebuds… 

Speaker 1: This is either going to be like the best thing I've ever created because like– let me just give you a side note: I thought of this joke while taking shower and was cracking up for ten minutes.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: It's either– it's probably gonna flop. But, with this fun fact– it’s kind of setting the mood for our crime theme and it's about the guillotine and the family of the guillotine, Dr. Joseph– I think his name’s like Ignace? It looks like Ignatio, but it’s like Ignace Guillotin– was so horrified that like their family member invented such like a horrible thing, and if you don't know what the guillotine is, it is basically a big sharp knife that comes down from a pulley, will slice your head off, used in many executions– that they appeal to the French government to change the name and the French government just took it to a step higher and was like no we won't change the name but we will make it one of like the official ways of executing people. more s– to the point that the last execution was like in the 1970s. And this is like across Europe and at least for France it was in 1977. So this is where it gets to my cringy joke because I've used this before. If you want a sick burn while your parents are talking about their childhood and they grew up in like the 60s, 70s, you can just go ‘Pft, the land and time of the guillotine. Such heathens.’ And I like this more than the… the burn that goes like ‘when the dinosaurs roamed’ because dinos just like didn't live when humans lived and it always made me so mad where it’s like I learned that the dinosaurs were born millions of years ago but we have this like iconic just… execution machine that was used for so so long and no one realizes that this was just used until the 70s as a humane way of execution, which like I won't even get into that whole argument. There's so much of a rabbit hole of whether the like guillotine was humane or not. But it's just– it's almost funnier because like it did happen this was an ironic like ‘oh you’re so old you’re like a dinosaur’ this is like ‘you were born when the guillotine was used!’

Alana: Because that's like a burn but it's also true.

Lexi: Yeah. That's the worst kind of burn, I– I mean the best kind of burn because it hurts the worst.

Haley: I once said it to my dad because he was like talking about something when he was like younger and I was like the guillotine just looked at me and was like ‘excuse me?’ I was like ‘you lived during the time of the guillotine, heathen.’ And he was like ‘well…”

Alana: It's true!

Haley: Because he was like ‘no that's like the Middle Ages’ and I was like ‘let me school you on some facts. And that actually is a great segue into my first gal.

Alana: Alright, let's go Haley.

Haley: Uh, so my gal, like Artemisia, we have another one with her own movie. It's an unfortunate movie because I couldn't find it anywhere, but who am I talking about… Charlotte Corday. And other names include… side note, I don’t speak French, I speak Spanish. Please don’t come after me, with my horrible horrible French pronunciations, I had my boyfriend, who speaks some French, pronounce them to me… probably didn't remember anything that he said to me. Her other names are Corday d’Armont, Marie-Anne Charlotte, and now her like more modern name is Charlotte Corday the Assassin. So I love Charlotte as a topic, because other podcasts, like crime, history, women's studies, have covered her to an extent. Like I– you'll see in the show notes I like I've even used her– thanks, Encyclopedia Womannica. But on the other hand, not many people know about her. And they don't even know like her influence with the French Revolution because I've been in like many discussions about like history of crime or what like– the world history that we had to take, and I asked like about her and my even like my history teachers like ‘I don't know who that is’ and everyone just gave me that blank face and it's like wait a minute, this is weird, why isn't this covered. So of course, I'm going to cover it. And let's crack this case wide open before we do a deep dive and go over just like some historical background and some of the people be talking about because I don't want you guys to be lost in this whole mumbo jumbo. So Charlotte was a Girondin sympathizer– again, my French is not good– she came from a family of impoverished aristocrats from a little town outside of Paris, France. And as a noble family she was given the opportunity to go to a formal education, but really this formal education came because her mother and one of her sisters died. And her father was just so grief-stricken and also just couldn't handle the now need to raise two daughters, so he sent them to a Roman Catholic convent so they could get a formal education. During this formal education of hers, she learned about French politics, history of France, and was able to mold her own theories and just ideas about the world around her. Thus, she became a French moderate Republican party member during 1791 and 1793 and this is during the French Revolution.

Alana: I'm guessing that moderate Republican back then doesn't mean the same thing that moderate Republican means now.

Haley: No, not at all. I'll explain more. So that's– this is exactly why I wanted to do our whole kind of let's see the players let's name some names and let's go over some history because just looking at her based on just the woman it's very hard to understand why she's one, seen as a hero; two, seen as a murderous assassin which both are correct in a way.

Lexi: I mean, goals. No I’m just kidding. I’m not condoning murder.

Haley: No so that's basically where she's at in the scope of where she grew up and what role she’ll play in the French Revolution, or what side she was on. And she's also mainly known for murdering Jordian Jean-Paul Marat, and he was on the other side he was Jordian so she was very opposed to his ideals. So again like Alana said is this kind of like what our U. S. politics is like? No, this isn't the Republican Party. However we have two extreme sides and people on one extreme, people on another extreme. That is very much similar. And he was an outspoken leader of the French Revolution to the point where he was the founder of a popular journal, deputy of Paris to the convention, opposed legislation that would hurt the other side, empower him and to Charlotte and other Girondan followers. So now that we cover the big picture ideas and we know the players and we know how extreme both these sides are, let's do our deep dive. She was committed to fighting the Girondist side of the revolution, posing the radical Jacobin faction. So this was right before the Reign of Terror, and why I mention this is because all her actions were to stop a civil war; and the Reign of Terror was a part of the French Revolution that kind of like started the first French Republic and culminated in a series of massacres and like many many public executions. So this is what she tried to stop from happening in French society. However, her whole story and what role she played in the revolution actually caused the Reign of Terror. So that's why for me as– in high school was like why aren't we talking about her and now we're gonna talk about her now. So, we come to the point where our victim Marat was continuing his train of like bloodshed, and was responsible for utter catastrophe, and putting a lot of lives in danger of like the French– like the French people were just terrified of him, to an extent. And that’s why Charlotte just hated him. He was seen as definitely one of the leaders of this one extreme side that had to be taken out. So that's exactly what she kind of planned to do. And she was not in Paris, she was still in another city outside of Paris, France. So, Charlotte stabbed him while he was taking a bath; and that's really the punch line of like her whole story. If you do like a quick Google search you'll get a lot of stuff for her and even in some textbooks that I tried to look at it was just like Charlotte Corday assassin… stabbed Marat in the heart. Really, she stabbed him in a planned assassin while he was taking a bath. I'm gonna just go through the accounts of this whole story because they're not really pieced together in one area and I'm going to piece them together now so you can understand why he was like in a bathtub, why she stabbed him, and so on. Because this just sounds so strange and it's really strange to see this as your history. So the planned assassin started because she wanted, like I said, to stop from a civil war happening in France, and she truly believed that to do this you have to kill one of the leaders; and also to an extent make the other side seem strong in that way. Like if you kill one of the leaders, you prove that the other side is just as strong or stronger. So she originally planned to kill him at a Bastille Day parade to make a huge show of it and this was on July 14th 1793. Unfortunately, or fortunately for her plans in a sense the event was just like it either didn't happen or it became apparent that Marat was not going to be at that public event. So she quickly had to say okay what else can I do, how can… what will be the next step to kill him. On July 13th, so the day before this event was supposed to happen, she was able to get a meet and greet with him or just gain access to him by saying and promising to betray her political side and give some insider secrets– like name names, basically become a traitor. And Marat was like cool you're definitely high up in the Girondin side of it, let you like, come into our area, we’ll hold– like we’ll basically keep you hostage, in a sense, like that's the feel I got… like Marat was also like come to our side because if anything happens you'll be on our turf; and she did. She was like cool, great. You don't know I'm gonna kill you, you think I'm gonna come and like give you all my secrets and then you'll protect me in a way. So Marat was having this meeting in the bathtub, but this was a very normal occurrence for him because he had a terrible skin disease or infection that he would just be in the bath all the time, like the water soothed him. So he was just very vulnerable, but that was his normal state– like nothing was wrong with him taking a meeting in the tub… so like she could be alone with him. It would be more weird if they were just walking around in the streets together. And instead of having this whole conversation that Charlotte said she would, she took this knife out of her bodice that she was just like hiding there and stabbed him in the chest.

Haley: He died almost immediately; and she actually waited for the police to come. She did not run away– she waited and confessed, essentially. She was proud of what she did, she wanted this assassination like the public assassin– assassination to still have some sort of effect on the public to show that her side did it to the other side, she is responsible for ma–Marat, and she did it as this political leader, in a sense. So at the trial, she allegedly proclaimed ‘I killed one man to save a hundred thousand’ and she kept reiterating that this was in fact a planned assassination, this wasn't out of passion. She took some thought, even wrote down like accounts and like had this whole… I saw like some people called it a journal or like statement– different written statements basically on her thoughts of an upcoming civil war and what she thought she was doing to help prevent that. She was also able, before the trial she was able to write down like write a letter and write her thoughts, feelings, concerns to her father. So her father was still alive and was able to get this kinda like last testimony of hers. And of course during this trial because she did essentially plead guilty… she was ordered to be executed via guillotine just four days after the murder; so July 17th 1793. And another quote from a lawyer from all this whole trial came from I think this was a man named Vergniaud, but I couldn't find this quote as in from like a reputable source as yes this was him, so could have been just another lawyer and not this guy. However, someone as a witness to this whole trial on this whole ordeal said ‘She is leading us to our death, but she is showing us how to die’ and it was because he, as a lawyer, saw this whole thing, saw her whole plan, and knew okay this is going to become a massive shit show. Like this won't end well. She is not preventing a civil war; she actually just started a whole other battle. However, she is showing us how to die with dignity, and showing how to like own up to the actions and just just die. Essentially die because a lot of people through the Reign of Terror did die. So you thought I'd be done– and I know this is gonna be my longest but this is such a great great story– because now we get into her overall death legacy, and we do know a lot of things, unlike Amelia Earhart where we just don't know what happened to her after death. A lot of this we still have artifacts and evidence of. She overall became this French savior, like the savior of French society in her circle. Months after her death, there are just so many portraits of her in different scenarios; short hair, long hair– like I needed to go back and make sure these were the same Charlotte Corday and if there could have been multiple Charlotte's just to make sure that these images looked so vastly different. And it was because people wanted to show that she was just this holy woman and ladies now weren't the ones who are supposed to be stuck in the kitchen with raising the kids. They had the power to do something in life and in society, but they also had a spin on it, so like– like I said, she was seen as a savior, this holy woman, goddess… like they even used her Christian name so Marie-Anne Charlotte, which she– to my knowledge, and to my research didn't necessarily go by that name. But there are definitely images of that name and her with very fair skin, white, brunette hair, looking very womanly and accentuating her womanly features. So that really pissed off the other side. Like all Marat’s supporters, they were absolutely flabbergasted that she was getting such a reputation. They thought this can't be happening; she just murdered one of our political leaders, and she was executed for it, why is everyone trying to kind of put this holy cap on her. And yes, that worked to an extent, like their outcry, because like yes she did murder someone. But it didn't help enough, and there were women in French society who did try to distance themselves from her and just for ideas of what women should be like. But, Charlotte did such a good job at like the legend of her as a woman, even before she died, that it didn't matter. Like I read an article about whether she had blonde hair or chestnut brown hair from a 2004 academic article; like this is still being discussed. And she had a part of her reputation– like she knew that whether it started a civil war or not she needed to form her own reputation. And there's even accounts that she witnessed the paintings and drawings of her that would be published and printed post-execution, and she gave comments. She was like no no no no, make me look more like a schoolgirl; or like make me more with curly hair. I don't really know the specifics but it was documented that she would give kind of suggestions on how she would look like. So while she did it, she tried so hard to like make herself look like this holy woman, and yes it did work. Marat, when he died, one of his very close friends, Jacques-Louis David painted the classic portrait or classic image, not portrait The Death of Marat, which is capturing the scene of his death and that is still considered like a classic image and the classic picture from– especially from the French Revolution. So I don't– I don't want to go as far as saying either Charlotte's portrayed as this holy one or this heinous, murderous, like scoundrel because both of them have lasted to this point in history that no one can make up their mind whether this was like a good thing that happened or a bad thing that happened. And I don’t even– I don’t even want to put out like in the universe whether we should have the discussion; if we should say like yes or no. I just wanna give you the facts and let you kind of like decide but that is Charlotte Corday.

Lexi: She is very interesting.

Alana: Yeah that's real cool. That's fun. That was a good transition for… from the guillotine to…

Lexi: Yes, good choice.

Alana: Charlotte Corday. I’m glad we let you go first.

Lexi: Alana hit us. Hit us with it. Don't hit us please don't hit me.

Alana: I won’t hit you. Okay so I will be talking about Giulia Tofana. Um.. Ooooh Haley's face, I'm so excited. I feel like– I hope I do this justice. Oh no. She is Giulia but it’s spelled G-I-U because she's Italian. Okay. So. I like to give credit as we've seen in the past like where I have first found out about my stories. And so I first found out about Ms. Tofana– I should I should call her Giulia not Ms. Tofana because there’s another Tofana, her mother’s name is also Tofana. I heard about this for the first time on Wut. W-U-T which is another great edutainment podcast by women. I'm gonna promo them without needing a sponsorship or a collab because women supporting women. So if you like us, go check them out. That was fun. They're not specifically women's history they're just kind of fun facts in general so not as niche as us but still pretty cool. And then I heard about that podcast from my friend Jesse on Twitter… I think we're friends I don't know I think we're friends… so shout out to Jesse. So Giulia Tofana, G-I-U because she's Italian, lived in the seventeenth century. Exact dates are kind of weird because she was a woman and not highborn. Best guess she was born in Palermo in Sicily. Her mother was executed for poisoning her father, possibly because he was abusive. This is a thing– like a running theme that we’ll see it later. Also later, Giulia's husband died mysteriously, probably also poisoned, probably also abusive. So she moved to Rome at some point in the 1630s-ish, probably, as a widow with her daughter to sell cosmetics and be apothecaries and poison people. Dun dun dun… 

Alana: So women in the seventeenth century have so many options. They can be sex workers, they can be essentially auctioned off to almost always abuse of older men and then later if their husbands died become respected widows. Those are your options. So many! So many options! What– how are you going to pick, so many things.

Lexi: The amount of choices is staggering.

Alana: Paralyzed by choice, really. My sources call these women ‘aspiring windows’ as if they are gold diggers and not battered women with no escape. I love– I love that like my running theme is criticizing my sources. That's my thing. Giulia crafted essentially her own poison. Created her own poison, or what by all accounts… she was the one who came up with this. Between like her and her mother and her daughter they came up with this poison called aqua tofana, named after her. It's a combination of arsenic and belladonna and lead, which are things that are already in cosmetics at the time but not quite lethal, still have problems, but not lethal unless they're ingested. And so having these things on a vanity looks totally normal. And so Giulia, as someone who experienced abuse, who had watched her mother get executed for defending herself, essentially… I am not condoning murder, and I know it's never good to say something at the beginning of a sentence like ‘I'm not condoning murder’ and then doing ‘but’... I feel like… there are no options.

Lexi: Self defense.

Alana: Self defense.

Lexi: And it seems very clear– again, we don't know the whole situation but it seems very clear that she was in a bad situation.

Alana: A bad situation. Yeah

Lexi: We are not the judge, jury, or the executioner so we can't say.

Alana: So she, having probably been abused and having watched her mother probably been abused and watched her mother get executed for essentially defending herself… she's going to help these other women get out of their marriages in such a way that it can't be traced. Because this poisoning with this mixture of belladonna and arsenic and lead, it takes really long for someone to die. Really long is like two to three days, but it also looks like natural causes or another illness which always happened in the 1600s. People got sick and died and that was just normal. And it gave these men time to get their affairs in order and to confess their sins and in a very Catholic area at a very Catholic time you like automatically got into heaven as long as you confessed your sins. So since these people had time to confess their sins, our murderess wouldn't have to feel so guilty that she was condemning her husband to hell even though he was probably hurting her. It only takes four to six drops to kill someone, depending on their size and all of that other stuff. And another side fact, side fun fact: Mozart, who nobody knows how Mozart died, Mozart wholeheartedly believed that he was poisoned with aqua tofana, but nobody knows. I feel so good that Haley is just nodding fervently. I feel like I'm doing a good job. Thank you for that.

Haley: I've awkwardly read so much on arsenic poisoning. Just so much so, but yes you are correct. There are probably just so many people who died of arsenic poison in the 1600s because autopsies weren’t like what we have today where you can do a toxicology, so so many people would seem like they were getting ill, because a lot of the times it just looks like a common cold or flu-like symptoms, they just weren't feeling good. But then they would die so now people do toxicology because it's a thirty year old man with no pre-existing conditions. But when you're talking about it in the 1600s it's like ‘oh they got sick we don't have modern medicine to help out.’

Alana: Nobody knows what's happening, essentially. It's like ‘oh no another person got sick.’ So Giulia Tofana sold this with her daughter and some employees at this family business, essentially, which is a weird way to think about it– that the family business is murder. They operated like this for about fifty years, for decades. And… at least the estimated number is something like six hundred plus people died because she sold their wives poison. But she got caught, and legend has it– and there are so many foggy details but this seems way too specific so I think like somebody exaggerated but, one of her clients who had bought the aqua tofana to poison her husband had poisoned a bowl of soup but decided, ‘no, I can’t. I can’t kill someone’ and dramatically knocked it out of his hand. And that's where I am thinking this… somebody exaggerated. Somebody made this up because that's way too specific. But she stopped her husband from eating the soup and confessed her crimes and turned in Giulia Tofana and her daughter and their three employees at the business. And all of them were executed. Under torture, of course, it's the seventeenth century, she turned on a bunch of her clients as well. So a bunch of her clients were also executed. Some of them were not executed, because they claimed that they didn't know that it was poison and it was just ‘oh no, I spilled some of my lotion in my husband’s soup… Oops. Oopsie poopsies I’m only like fourteen I don't know any better.’ I made myself laugh with that one I’m sorry. But those people were spared. So there is something to… was Giulia a hero, was she a murderess, could both of those things be true…

Lexi: Was she an anti-hero?

Alana: She's kind of an anti-hero. I think that's what we’re going for.

Haley: I like that, I like anti-hero.

Alana: I think– I also think like–

Lexi: Like a Robin Hood, but murder.

Alana: Batman, but murder. Does Batman kill people?

Lexi: Robin Hood stole things, he didn't kill anyone. This is like the Robin Hood of murdering people.

Alana: Sure.

Lexi: It's like murder the rich, give to the wife?

Alana: Vigilante!

Lexi: I don't know. Vigilante murder, yeah.

Haley: So far we’re on the track of like ‘our criminals are good, question mark?’

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Mine was definitely a criminal, but we'll get in that.

Alana: Well, I am done. So, Lexi let’s get into that.

Lexi: What a segue! Okay. So my lady, though definitely also had a lot of background trauma as it seems that a lot of these ladies had definitely did crime. So we'll just jump in. Have you guys ever heard of the queen of the mob?

Haley: Yes. I'm so excited that you're doing this one.

Alana: Maybe. You'll have to tell me her name.

Lexi: Okay.

Haley: This is truly like my favorite episodes so far, and I like hate when people like get really into criminals like some people, like for Jeffrey Dahmer, people love him, think he's like the most beautiful man, same with Ted Bundy, and that's not where my head is at.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: I have a true fascination with the history of crime, death, medicine, and how our society perceives it now. When I say I love these people or I love these stories that is not where I'm going.

Lexi: You're not doing the whole crime fandom crush thing.

Haley: No.

Alana: I have seen people get like Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer's signatures tattooed on themselves.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: Yeah

Lexi: And I don't condone that.

Alana: No we don't like that.

Lexi: But you can be interested in crime especially because as someone who has taken courses in the forensic realm… and who likes bones, and likes that kind of thing, I think you can be interested in the human phenomenon.

Alana: As academics.

Haley: That’s where we’re at for me.

Alana: Not as fanatics.

Lexi: Yes, yes.

Haley: I was listening to like you guys speak and kind of like going back in my head like oh, I seem like such a psycho when I’m like ‘I love Charlotte’ like she is just a fascinating human.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Well now we’ve clarified which is good.

Haley: She assassinated someone. And assassinations aren’t swell.

Lexi: But like when you think about like what is interesting on TV, or like what is interesting in our fiction, it's because humans have a general interest. So–

Haley: I wanna write a whole paper on that. Just truly that whole concept.

Lexi: So the queen of the mob, Virginia Hill. You can learn about her at the Mob Museum, people are really really fascinated with her and her story is really interesting. And she was born on August 26, 1916 in a place called Lipscomb, Alabama. I might have said that wrong, you know general– general reminder I say things wrong sometimes. She was born on her father's horse farm. Her father was abusive and he actually beat her and her siblings when they were children and one day she got really fed up with him attacking her and her little siblings so she hit him with a hot skillet in self defense. At the age of fourteen, Virginia married a man named George and three years later the couple moved to Chicago. When they got there she dumped him because you realize the world is a lot bigger than her hometown in Alabama, and so seventeen year old Virginia wanted to start her life anew. At the time, the 1933 Chicago Century of Progress Exposition, which is a World's Fair style event, and it was conceived to bring hope in the wake of the Great Depression that was happening. So Virginia took a job dancing, like as a shimmy dancer, so she had a really unique–

Alana: What– what does shimmy dancer mean? Like a go-go dancer? Like a str– like what?

Lexi: I think you dance shimmy like you shake back and forth and you wear tassels, I believe.

Alana: Dream job.

Lexi: But someone feel free to correct me.

Haley: Yeah, I was thinking one of those 1920s cigarette girls.

Lexi: Yeah that could probably be it because this is a similar era.

Haley: Like they would have like the thing that went over them holding a plate platter like tray that they would just like walk around, dance around, and you can buy stuff from them.

Lexi: Yeah. It could possibly be akin to that. When the fair ended, Virginia became a waitress at one of Al Capone's old haunts the San Carlo Italian Village, which is a restaurant not a town. I had to Google that. Though Capone was at that time in prison, he went to prison in 1931, the community of criminals that he had built was still thriving, and it was– it was in this role as a waitress serving tables of America’s mobsters that Virginia met the man who would change her life. His name was Joe Epstein. He was an accountant and bookkeeper for Capone's crime family, and he took a liking to Virginia’s style, and that doesn't mean like her physical attractiveness… she had a certain style of a way that she talked to the mobsters, and she seemed to really have like a no-nonsense kind of ability to deal with the mobsters, which is really unique in a girl so young. So he felt he could trust her, and he took her on as a money launderer for his racketeering. She laundered the money by placing large bets on horses in Chicago's racetracks. She later moved into betting scams which is basically when she learned how from Joe to collect bets on fixed boxing matches. So the matches will be predetermined, but she would encourage people to bet the losing side. Virginia didn't just launder money. Joe taught her how to dress and act like a rich woman, and used her to cross state lines with stolen furs, jewels, and other items, because of course no one would suspect a nice, rich lady of stealing things and crossing state lines with them. The craziest part is that this all happened before Virginia even turned twenty. So by the age of twenty she was wearing really wealthy clothes, working really wealthy circles, and basically was a part of the mob. Over time, Hill became a trusted cash carrier, money launderer, and information gatherer for Joe and the rest of Capone's crew. She had many rich boyfriends and often used these relationships to benefit her mob family. In one instance she dated an oil tycoon named Major Riddle. No, you cannot make up this name, and yes, I wrote in my script to pause for insane laughter but no one is laughing. I think his name is hilarious.

Haley: I think that’s the best name ever.

Alana: We're on meat. We're on mute. Lexi that's why we're not laughing you didn't... they won’t be able to see the face that I made.

Lexi: Yeah. That's true. I forgot. Well anyway she dated this oil tycoon Mr. Riddle and she convinced him to give her money for investments that were like completely fake and she took that money back to her boy Joe. And Hill used her womanly charm, and by that I mean she seduced men. And through these methods she was able to obtain valuable information for her mob bros. Joe encourage Virginia to move out east to build connections between Chicago and New York crime syndicates. In New York, she laundered money and met many more men including a Mexican night club dancer named excuse my pronunciation, if this is wrong, Miguelito Valdez. At some point Virginia marriedValdez to help him maintain his residence in the United States. And then Virginia, at the same time as this marriage, had an on and off affair with Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel who is a really famous leader in organized crime.The pair is well known to have real chemistry so this wasn't just considered to be a case of her seducing someone. They think that she genuinely liked him And unfortunately at the time Bugsy was married to another woman. In 1940, he was sent to jail on a murder charge. While Bugsy was in jail, Virginia tricked Valdez into signing divorce papers. And it was all very “90 day fiance” of her if you ask me. It is unclear if it was through her marriage or not but at some point Virginia had become very fluent in Spanish. She used her newfound language skills to begin trafficking drugs particularly heroin from Mexico to Chicago. In the 1940s, she attempted to start a career acting in Hollywood while transferring cash from New York to Chicago to LA. Meanwhile, Bugsy was setting up his new crime life in Las Vegas which he believed was the new up and coming resort destination for Americans and in hindsight he was probably right. He wanted Virginia to join him and she did but mainly only to spy on his activities and report back to her other mob leaders like Joe. Unfortunately, Bugsy’s biggest dreams were dashed when his resort project the “Flamingo” failed. He had drowned too much money into elabore improvements to the resort and lost cash when lucky winners struck it big in his casino. In a desperate attempt to save the business, he closed the casino and reopened the Flamingo as a hotel only, which sadly was unsuccessful, because we all know how Vegas went. Hill received orders to leave Las Vegas, so she did. 12 days later, someone shot Bugsy dead in their home. In 1950, Virginia went to a ski resort in Idaho, which I didn’t know you could ski in Idaho, but apparently you can. And she fell in love with an instructor named Hans Hauser. Again, very “90 Day Fiance” of her. Though she was still laundering money and Hauser was not a criminal, he still wanted to marry her. The couple eloped and had a son named Peter. Later that year, Virginia was subpoenaed to appear in a trial on organized crime which would be shown on National TV. She arrived like a star, dressed from head to toe in expensive clothing and jewelry. As a witness, she served her crime family well, evading details and giving vague, basic answers to in depth questions. She used creative lies to explain away all the cash she had laundered, explaining how she had bet money on horses to win her initial cash. She also insisted that most of her wealth came from gifts of suitors, or as we would probably call them today her sugar daddies. Now quick side note- this kinda gives me vibes of the musical Chicago and that song about the main character’s testimony, where she basically used her charm and virtue as a woman to get out of murder. “Well I can’t help it sir, I am just so beautiful men flock to me and give me free things.” On the stand, Virinigia denied that her male friends and lovers were racketeers. When the investigators caught her in her lies, she simply denied knowledge of the nature of their work. “But I never knew anything about their business” she would say. She denied her ability to have any financial knowledge, you know, because she was a lady, and ladies don’t do money things.

Alana: Ladies don’t money.

Lexi: Ladies never money.

Alana: Women be shopping but women don’t be money.

Haley: I love the comparison, like this whole story cuz this is so much like Charlotte. Both of these ladies are trying to be like, “Oh women do this, this is how women look, look how beautiful we are.

Lexi: That’s the vibe. That’s the vibe she was going for. The investigators were still suspicious, it did not work. Because, you know, it was about to be the sixties I mean it was the fifties but was about to be the sixties and so women were going to be liberated. As Virginia left the trial, she cursed out the press and she punched a reporter in the face. Then as she got her car she told reporters she hoped an atomic bomb would be dropped on them, which I think is a timely thing to say. This was right after World War II. That- That’s a big insult. That’s really mean.  Virginia and Hans then realized that they needed to leave America so they moved to Europe. The IRS was still on Virginia's tail and she knew she could not return to the States ever again. She met up with her old boyfriends and colleagues while they were in Europe and it was clear she still received money from her life's consistent characters like Joe. In the nineteen sixties Virginia and her family settled in Austria and her mental health rapidly declined.

Viriginia had suffered with her mental health through most of her adult life, getting hooked on sleeping pills and almost dying from a sleeping pill overdose on at least one occasion. Her life was turbulent, her trauma was intense, and she survived at least three separate suicide attempts. On cold, winter’s day,  March 24th, 1966, in Austria, Virginia took her own life. Pedestrians taking a walk along the water found her body, laying in the snow, along with a note stating the reason for her death, “I am tired of life”. Her husband Hans also took his own life, passing in 1974. Their son Peter, who would go on to become an American soldier and veterean of the Vietnam War, died in a car accident 20 years later. The family is buried together, in Salzburg, Austria. To this day, some crime enthusiasts believe Virginia may have been murdered, force fed pills as a method to hide a murder as suicide of someone with a history of mental illness. Though her apparent struggles with her mental health throughout her life really suggest this theory is unlikely. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood and instead of getting help she needed, she was married off and eventually she was convinced to do crime. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it's possible some for mental health issues stem from that early trauma. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood, and instead of getting the help she needed, she was married off. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it is possible some of her mental health issues stemmed from that early trauma. I think Virginia also teaches us that it took more than men to make the Mobs of early and mid century America function.  Virginia was often called the mistress of the mob, but that’s not fair- she wasn’t a mistress of the mob, she was a member of the mob. Women, both those whose stories are recorded and those whose stories were forgotten, played central roles in organized crime. So maybe next time you think about famous figures like Al Capone, think of the women like Virginia Hill who supported the crimes too. And that’s why we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly of women’s history, because there are so many stories that go untold.

Alana: That was so beautiful.

Haley: That was mind blowing.

Lexi: Thank you! I am gonna leave in you guys calling it beautiful too!

Alana: That was incredible.

Lexi: I really thought about that really hard.

Alana: Holy shit!

Haley: I truly love that like all our stories had a moral like that the ending for Alana was also just like you have to face that you're a killer that's a no no and like Lexi here with mental health and then me being like it's not all black and white you’re both bad people!

Alana: Nuance and context is like my mantra these days.

Lexi: That’s academics.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: Nuance and context as academics.

Lexi  As people who studied at a university. Oh my.

Alana: I have a bachelor's degree.

Lexi: Mhmm. Is this podcast just proof to your parents that you got a bachelor's degree?

Alana: No, they paid for it.

Lexi: They know.

Alana: They know.

Lexi: They suffered.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don’t like the show, keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, Garageband, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time on Lady History.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week on Lady History: we're going to be in the kitchen cooking up some great stories about famous women chefs and cooks alike. 

Alana: WHERE WE BELONG.

Lexi: In the kitchen.

Alana: /s. 

[belle82devart]

73 Question Tag Game

Thank you to the lovey @thewanderer000 ❤

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

I would say a 6 or 7. Life can be so fucking scary (as well as people), but it still has it's charms and quirks that make it enjoyable and something to look forward to.

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

[#scared of everything] or [#justneedsahug]

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He's got the swagger, the sweetness and the salt and pepper look isn't helping sway my opinion at all. Plus he's got strong arms, perfect for cuddles.

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

(I hate to admit this, but I had to look up what a fucking marquee was.) The anxious and the strange.

What’s your wakeup ritual?

Get up, shower, have a little time for self loathing and negative personal views. Then go for the self affirmation card and continue the day.

What’s your favorite time of day?

Morning. Most days, the morning is where it all starts. Where the hikes in the mountains begin or where the next big projects begin.

Your go to for having a good laugh?

Crack videos of whatever fandom I'm obsessed with at the time. Or cat videos.

Dream country to visit?

I know it's not a country, but Europe in general. If it had to be a single place, Poland.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

Finding out while my mother threw up on the side of the road that 'hey, you're gonna be a big sister'!

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Combat boots. Now I can do heels, and I can do sneakers, but boots, especially combat style are my favorite.

Vintage or new?

Vintage all the way! It's oleasing to be able to experience something old and make it new in your eyes. I guess that's why I own a Polaroid camera and Walkman.

Who do you want to write your obituary?

My family. All of them.

Style icon?

My father. I've basically stolen all his band shirts and old biker vest/jackets. Sooo yeah.

What are three things you can’t live without?

Music, art, and friends/family. What's life without companionship? What's life without some sort of art? The world wouldn't suevibe without music, and I can't survive without any of the listed.

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

Ketchup for most things, but not all.

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

- Vincent Price

- Bob Ross

- Anyone else who wants to eat my shitty cooking.

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Well, I absoluty am scared to death of spiders, but that's not my biggest fear. Failure and letting those I care for down... That's my biggest fear. I fear that I will never make anyone happy, that I can't do right...

God, this question called me out hard.

Window or aisle seat?

Window all the way. Give me the view !

What’s your current TV obsession?

- The Walking Dead

- The Witcher

- and The Boys

Favorite app?

Autodesk Sketchbook Pro

Secret talent?

For some reason, I can put people to sleep really easy when I pet their hair.

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

Went to Washington D.C. I got to see so many museums and cool little places.

How would you define yourself in three words?

Anxious. Sweet. Creative.

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

My leather jacket.

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

Fuzzy socks. Evwryoje deserves to have warm feet!

Superpower you would want?

Teleportation. I can go anywhere I want but also I can leave undesired sistiations when they get overwhelming.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

People, music, books, movies/shows/games. You name it, i'll get something out of it.

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

Never give up, even when the odds seem stackwd agaisnt you. Always keep pushing forward and remember that there will always be someone in the world to fall back on when it gets to be too hard.

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

You'll see and hear a lot of shit in life that'll being you down, that will make everything seem so bad... But it will get better. You'll make it to the next day, and you'll one day see yourself as a good person, even if you need that little push and reminder from your friends.

A book that everyone should read?

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

What would you like to be remembered for?

Being kind and helpful.

How do you define beauty?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so it truly can't be defined generally without personal opinion slipping in.

What do you love most about your body?

My eyes. I really don't see anything worth while besides my eyes.

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

Curled up with my cats. I may be allergic but i'll be damned if I don't get a good rest without them.

Favourite place to view art?

Anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes it's fun going to a gallery and seeing the art others have created.

If your life were a song, what would it be?

Ça va ça va - Claudio Capéo

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

Drums or the marimba.

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

Upper arm or as a 3/4 sleeve.

What’s your spirit animal?

Maine Coon

Best gift you’ve ever received?

A small box made of cedar from my mother for my birthday. I don't know why but I was a sobbing mess when I got it.

Best gift you’ve ever given?

A 4ft x 6 ft painting in dedication to my aunts and their family after their car crash.

What’s your favourite board game?

Risk, Pandemic (Ha! Ironic), Monopoly, and Sorry!

What’s your favourite colour?

Blue and all shades of blue.

Least favourite colour?

Yellow.

Diamonds or pearls?

Neither. Give me some good old fashioned gemstones like quartz and I'll be happiee than a pig in mud.

Drugstore makeup or designer?

Drugstore. One, I don't have the money for designer makeup. Two, you can use drugstore and dollar store make-up to achieve the same look. And three, I don't wear makeup too often, so what's the point od paying top dollar for something I'll only use here and there?

Blow-dry or air-dry?

Either. Depends on how much time I've got on my hands.

Pilates or yoga?

Haven't done either but I would love to try yoga.

Coffee or tea?

Both!

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

Hullaballoo.

hullaballoo. noun. 1. Sounds or a sound, especially when loud, confused, or disagreeable: babel, clamor, din, hubbub, noise, pandemonium, racket, rumpus, tumult, uproar.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

Both, but also white chocolate!

Stairs or elevator?

Both

Summer or winter?

Both. I love the storms during the summer, and the snow during the winter. Especially New York winters (Buffalo in particular).

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

Chicken parmigiana

A dessert you don’t like?

Anything with Nutella.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

Welding. This year i'll be starting the rest of my classes to get certified in it.

Best thing to happen to you today?

Nothings really happened yet, but that can always change!

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

"Wow, you've got some talent" when it comes to my art or writing.

Favourite smell?

Rhododendrons and the forest floor after a rain storm.

Hugs or kisses?

Both! And at the same time makes it so much better.

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

Paranormal locations along the Blue Ridge Parkway or how religion ties in with art.

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

A poem about beauty in death and how the earth always reclaims what has been taken. The poem was truly amazing.

Lipstick or lip gloss?

Both.

Sweet or savory?

Both!!!

Girl crush?

Kate Beckinsale

How you know you’re in love?

I truly have no idea! I mean, I haven't been in love before...

Song you can listen to on repeat?

Fistfight by The Ballroom Thieves

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

Mads Mikkelsen. He's classy, he's goofy, and who wouldn't want to?

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

Persuing my passions. I'm on the road to become a Graphic Designer, and that's just so exciting to me!

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Tagging: @whitecrawace-mind-palace / @rosadiazbiqueen | @johnlocklover221 | @yancy-trash