#he went for cassian at the funeral not the funeral itself

[flythesail]

I've seen a lot of "there was no reason for Luthen to be on Ferrix other than to just Be There." Especially since he had two fully competent and trustworthy people already there on Ferrix.

But that's the point! Kleya doesn't think he should go either. The point is he shouldn't go, doesn't have to go, and he does anyway.

It's like he can't take a backseat to this. It's a situation he already technically has control of and he still wants to be the one in control by being there.

He says in an earlier episode, "I'm not slipping, Kleya. I've just been hiding for too long." In the finale, he gets out there to see it all for himself.

[acotarxreader]

Shadow and Flame pt.5

Azriel X Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions but no description of torture, mentions of burns, YN reopens a wound but no heavy description, tooth aching sweetness

A/N: Part 5! Ah! I absolutely quick fired (hehe) this one. I really enjoyed writing the series for you, it gave me back the joy of writing and hope you love this final part! I have plenty more down the pipeline and hope you'll join me for the journey. Let me know what you think of this part, hope it lives up to your expectations!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

**************************

“So it’s settled, we’re going”

“Az, it's not that simple, we can’t just enter the Autumn Court uninvited-”

“Beron came here uninvited!” Azriel snapped back at Rhysand as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to push the brewing headache away. Cassian watched his two friends pace up and down Lucien’s destroyed study, the Emissary had gone for alcohol, lots of alcohol. 

“If we want to get political-”

“Lets not-”

“If we want to get political, Beron was coming for a member of his court, as we have many times before-”

“-That's not good enough Rhys!” 

“I’m thinking here!” Rhysand shouted back at Azriels heightened tone.

“Why don’t we just send Lucien, invitation in hand and he brings her back-”

“-I will not trust him with her welfare again Cass. I am going to the Autumn Court at dawn, I am going to get my mate back and I am fucking getting what I deserve!” 

“You will go nowhere, I will not have you sacrificed for anyone” Azriel went to object to Rhysand as Lucien came in with jugs of whiskey, the colour still fighting to return to his face.

“Any progress?” Lucien questioned as he passed a jug to Cassian.

“No…actually Lucien I’m just going to get a glass for this” Azriel nodded before making a swift exit, leaving the jug on the desk next to his mate's life sentence. The room was still for a moment, the males left racking their brains before Cassain interrupted the silence with a very good question.

“Since when does Az need a glass to drink?” The three looked panicked amongst one another before darting out of the room, the Shadowsinger now well on his way to the Autumn Court, sending Rhysand shouting unrepeatable words. 

****************************

You sat at the vanity in the doorless room, staring in the mirror at the Fae you didn't recognise anymore. You ran a finger over the wound the guard had given you, promptly reopening it to bleed. If you were to walk up the aisle tomorrow you would do it with the Court knowing all is not well. It stitched itself back together almost instantly, you didn’t even have control of your cells anymore. You sat there blankly staring until the sun crept over the forest, the day you spent so long running from had arrived. 

Maids were winnowed in, all with bags of products to use on you. You sat stoically still as the maidens brushed your hair and applied layers of make-up, your father's doll. You moved like a seamstress model, standing as they pinned your dress around you, crimson and white silk flowed down you. The happiest day of your life was the day you wanted to die the most. You let it all happen around you, unable to bring any element of energy to fight to your soul. 

The wall opposite to the tall windows seemingly peeled away from itself, a door reappearing in the fine wallpaper. Your father in his finery entered, the staff immediately making themselves scarce. 

“Come YN, your future awaits” he stretched out his arm and the shell you had become took hold of him, gliding alongside him through the hallways. He stopped outside tall decadent doors, glaring at a nearby guard to open them. The room was like a hollowed-out church, an altar with no pews for guests, no semblance of a place where people would come to rejoice. Standing at the top of the narrow aisle where your funeral march would take place was a broad and brutish male, decked out in his Court’s colours. You walked up the passageway, your father's hand crushingly over yours.

“YN Vanserra, I am pleased to make your acquaintance” your father released you with almost a jolt towards your groom. Beron moved to stand between you both, the officiant of the event.

The General's hand reached before snatching yours with force and bringing his lips to your fingers, kissing them. You felt you were going to pass out, the air struggling to oxygenate your lungs, it was thick, thick like smoke. Thick like shadows. 

“YN!” you whipped around to find Azriel striding up the aisle, Truth Teller angled at your groom. You felt awash with emotions, you moved from your highest high at seeing him to the lowest of lows as you realised your father's lure had worked. 

“Az stop!” you shouted, your throat hoarse from last night. You glanced between Azriel, the General and your Father, the latter's face twisting into pure excitement. 

“Az-Az I don’t love you, leave, I’m marrying the General” you forced the lies out of your mouth like bile. Azriels face seemed hollow, lowering his blade back to his side at your last ditch effort to have Azriel escape. 

“Y-N you don’t mean that, you can’t mean that,” he said it so small it shattered your heart all over again, you forced your eyes off the Spymaster, glancing at your groom's shoes. The sound of your father clapping so sickly slow hauled your attention back to him.

“Oh YN, there’s my cruel daughter, shattering a male heart before I shatter his bones” his venomous laugh felt like blades on your skin. Azriel went to react, a tendril of fire stretching across the room to snatch Truth Teller from his hands, throwing it to the feet of the General. His wings splayed ready to fight for his life until the tendrils clawed him to the ground and rolled him in crushing pressure. Azriels face began to turn purple under the coercion as you moved to run to his side, the cold callus hands of the General snatching you back by the wrist.

“I am owed a bride!” He seethed at you, the sound of your wrist joint crushing in his hands. In one swift movement you swung for the ground, snatching Truth Teller and slicing through the bone of his hand. The General roared, his blood shooting outwards at the release of the pressure from the vessels, his feet went from beneath him in dizzying blood loss, collapsing to the floor. 

“Azriel!” you ran to him screaming as he writhed in pain.

“YN, you're ruining your pretty dress” a corkscrew of Beron’s flames leapt at you as he laughed maniacally, singeing your dress. 

You stood in front of Azriel, protecting him from your fathers advances, the room swelling with flames. Beron held the flames around Azriel, squeezing his fist, wrapping the flame tighter around the Shadowsinger, his other hand sending a dart of almost lava towards you. You raised your bracleted wrists, the heat hitting the rings of metal and water dead on. You almost screamed as the water within the casing began to sizzle and steam, it evaporating under the heat of your fathers raging flame. The shackles metal dripped to the floor, freeing you as you threw Truth Teller with precision to land right through your fathers shoulder, hanging his arm by a thread from the joints. Beron bellowed at the pain, the hand controlling the Azriels choking flame gravely injured, releasing the flame from around a scorched spymaster. 

You dove for him, his skin greying at the feeling of the release of insurmountable pain. You called for any scrap of power, grabbing Azriel by a scorched hand. You went to winnow through the small flame you could call to your side as Beron pulled Truth Teller from his arm, hurling it towards you. Truth-Teller sailed with its unshakable precision straight towards your back as you hunched to pull Azriel from the ground.

“YN!” Azriel groaned, using his debilitated strength to stretch his wing around you, for shielding as the blade pierced through a crucial spine of his wing, sticking through the otherside, showering you in Azriels blood. 

You screeched at the feeling of the warm thick blood before pulling Azriel into the flame with you. Your power was weakened after months of it being smothered as you tugged Azriel through the warmth of your own flame. You crashed out on the edge of Forest House’s borders, too weak to winnow the both of you a greater distance. 

“Az, I can’t- I can’t bring us further!” you cried, trying to support his weight, Forest House alarms blaring in the background.

“YN please, go, run, I don’t want to survive if it means I have to live in a world where you don’t love me” he winced out, arm around his abdomen trying to keep his burned skin together. The sound of mobilised guards shuddered the earth behind you both. 

“Azriel, stop, I do, I do love you, you’re-you’re- my mate!” you cried, falling to the ground under your weakened legs and Azriel’s withering body. You reached and kissed him, a silent agreement that you would rather die together than live without one another, the voices of Autumn Court guards growing in volume. 

“Are we interrupting something?” The both of you had your eyes shooting towards Cassian's voice, Lucien and Rhysand in tow. 

“Azriel, I swear to the Gods, you are so grounded when we get home!” 

“Bit of insensitive timing there Rhysand '' Lucien glanced towards Azriels almost dissolving right wing, blood flowing steadily from him as he greyed. Rhysand and Cassian pulled Azriel from the ground, winnowing him away as you went to Lucien to do the same. 

"I promise I'll never let any of them near you again YN, you can trust me"

"I do Luc"

*************

The group crash landed into the Town House, the smell of singed skin and blood filling the living room instantly. 

“Cassian, get Madja!” Rhysand ordered as they lowered Azriel to the sofa. You ran to his side again, copper eyes ablaze. You raised your hands to the bleeding wing, flames coming to your fingertips.

“I’m really sorry Az, this is going to hurt”

“What is Flam-FUCKING HELL” he roared as you pulled Truth Teller from his wing, sending more blood sprouting out like a faucet. Your hands went to cover the extensive puncture, your flames cauterising the wound, healing and stitching the wing back together. He fluttered it gently, its range of motion coming back. You then moved down his scorched body, the healing nature of your flame soothing his body back to health. Madja rushed in, bag of concoctions in hand, stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her. 

“Cassian, we need to have a little discussion about the words, near death” she scolded him.

*************

Six months after your near wedding day you moved up through the garden, work bag in hand, humming to yourself. 

“Hello Flame” Azriel sat on the back patio of the Town House, you beaming at his smile. You sat beside him on the bench, leaning in and kissing his cheek.

“I have a gift for you” you reached into your satchel as Azriel closed his eyes, hands out-stretched. 

“Open them” Azriels eye’s landed on the cremated cinnamon bun in his hands.

“Good with healing but bad with baking?” he laughed and you nudged him back. 

“Fine, don’t take the mate offering” you went to take it back as you chuckled, he pulled it back hastily, a smile as wide as his face. He took a bite of the cremated pastry. 

“At least you dont fuck like you cook” 

“Really Az that's the first thing you say to me after I accept the bond” the two of you laughed loudly to one another. Azriel went to take another polite bite, yelping and putting a hand to the side of his jaw. 

“God’s Flame, are there rocks in here-” he pulled the object that almost chipped his tooth from his mouth. A circle of gleaming obsidian shone in his hand.

“I fired it myself, it's made with fragments of Truth Teller that came from your wing that-that time. I hope you like it” Azriel couldn't find his words, eyes glued to the precious present. He wiped the pastry from it, instantly slipping it onto his ring finger where it would remain forevermore. His sweet eyes met yours before pulling a ring from his own jacket pocket. A crimson stone the colour of fire set on a shadow black band. Azriel took your hand in his, slipping the ring onto your finger. 

“If you look into the stone, some of my shadows stay happily inside. They will always be with you Flame and so will I” he swept the hair from your face and planted a tender kiss to your lips. 

Symbols of the forever bond that lies between shadow and flame.

---------------------------------

Stay tuned!

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[eagna-eilis]

As a person from a country which threw off an evil empire only to descend into instant civil war followed by theocratic oppression I actually really appreciate the insinuation, in Mando S3 E3, that the New Republic isn't all that great.

'Andor' went HARD on its parallels to Irish history. An incitement to rebellion occuring at a funeral within a culture which takes funery custom very seriously is not unique to us (in fact no revolutionary process is unique to us) but it does feel very true to Irish history. Gilroy was inspired by 1970s IRA funerals in the North, or so he has said, but to me it was more reminiscent of the funeral of Jeremiah O'Donovan-Rossa in 1915, or the funerals of the early hunger strikers in the period between the 1916 Rising and the beginning of the War of Independence in 1919. These, especially the 1915 funeral wherein rebel leader Padraig Pearse gave a rousing speech which ended 'Ireland unfree shall never be at peace', are considered by historians as pivotal moments for the shift in sentiment towards the ousting of British Imperial control in Ireland.

It is so resonant, then, that like in the history of my own culture the New Republic in Star Wars shows itself to be by turns incompetent, repressive, and undeservedly smug about its own project.

This often happens in revolutions. The problems which both predate and are caused by Imperial control do not simply go away because you took down the Cogwheels or the Butcher's Apron. (For those who don't know, that's the Union Jack).

Do I hate the thought that Cassian Andor and Jyn Erso may have died for something that still wouldn't have aligned with their ideals had they survived? Of course I do. Just as I hate how James Connolly died for the same reason in the history of my own country. Do I hate the idea that my beloved Princess-Senator-General Leia Organa struggled in vain against a government that SHE WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN CREATING only to have to turn around and start rebelling again because things went to shit? Yes. I hate it. Just as I hate how my country betrayed the heroines of our revolution (Markievicz, Gonne, Sheehy-Skeffington, Lynn, Skinneder, Farrell, Ffrench-Mullen and others) by ousting them from politics and curtailing their rights. I hate these facts of history, but I love that they are reflected in Star Wars.

I love that the New Republic sucks. I love it because it feels so fucking true to life.

The sacrifices that the rebels made, both Fadó Fadó in Éireann and A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far Far Away, were not worthless. Their ideals were good. They absolutely should have done what they did. Empires, British or Galactic, SHOULD be overthrown. Just because my country turned into a place where Catholic clergy traumatised generations through sexual predation, unjust incarceration for moral crimes, and the stealing and sale of babies approximately three minutes after the Tricolour went up and the Union Jack came down doesn't mean that we shouldn't have rebelled at all.

The question of 'what do you do with your revolution once you've got it' should loom large over any revolution. It is evident that the maintenance of certain statuses quo just lays the ground work for the wars to come.

Star Wars onscreen usually works in broad strokes. The minutiae are largely left to the writers of the novels, and to a greater extent those of us who write fic and meta, to create and interpret. This particular broad stroke, that the New Republic maintains certain injustices from the time before, is deeply compelling and I hope it's something that the canonical story and those of us engaged in transformative practice with it can continue to explore.

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Nessian prompt if you want it- trapped in an elevator meet cute or they’ve known each other for a while but being trapped forces them to bond

Every prompt is really just asking me to TORTURE Cassian but this one let me torture everyone so naturally I went with that first

EDIT - I AM AN IDIOT AND POSTED THIS STORY UNDER THE WRONG PROMPT. The prompt I am actually using here is now posted above on my page but it is: “Cassian reconnects with Nesta after she was widowed (they had a thing it ended badly bc Cass was a dick and Nesta married Eris and healed).”

The funeral had been over for some time, the stone erected with no body beneath it. Nesta sent everyone home, begging them for just a few moments of solitude. Minuets which quickly turned into hours with her legs gripped in her arms and dew soaking into her now spiked dress as she stared at the rock etched letters, still not quite believing it.

In the years to come she would deny it, but of all the footsteps traipsing through the cemetery on that clouded over but not rainy Thursday in September, Nesta heard his individually. Above the chatter of mourners and the din in her own mind … she heard him.

Felt the large presence behind her before the shadow cast itself over Eris’ stone. Her husband’s grave stone.

The good thing about never getting a body back from the US Government was that she had been allowed to postpone the wake as long as she wanted. Until she was able to breathe and walk and eat on her own. She was more glad of that than ever now. To let the man behind her see her broken … that would be her greatest weakness.

Nesta’a hands went white clutching the rings she tied to a chain around her neck as she waited for him to speak.

If she were more naive she would question how she knew so certainly who was standing over her, but in this moment it just seemed obvious that he was there.

“Are you here for him ... or me?”

“Why can’t it be both?” He asked, and she let his voice wash over her without turning around. Hating the part of herself that wanted to be comforted by that deep bass the way she once had been. She wanted to fall into the comfort he offered like it was a depthless ocean, but Cassian had always caused a drought without warning.

“I suppose you have known him longer than me,” she said, still staring forward.

“Eris and I were in active combat together.” Yes, all those years where Cassian didn’t write and Eris picked up a pen instead. This man she had never met but fell in love with on paper while her boyfriend ignored her. “We were like brothers for a time.” Until they got back and Nesta left him for Eris, that was. “It may not have been a long time, and we may have had our issues after, but... I wanted to say goodbye to my friend.”

Nesta choked on her own tongue, holding back the insults she wanted to hurl at him.

“When do you go back?” Arms crossed over her chest.

“I don’t.” Nesta whirled around at that. Startled to see Cassian in a perfectly fitted designer suit instead of his uniform. “Honourable discharge.”

“Why?” She scoffed, because she couldn’t hide her anger any other way. All the years she spent waiting for him to come home and now he decides -

“I’ve been running long enough.” Nesta’s breath caught in her throat. “I’ve been a coward long enough. I’ve … I’ve given up more than I ever even realized I had to lose in service of my country and now-”

“Don’t blame your service,” Nesta spat. She hadn’t realized how fresh those wounds still felt.

“I’m not blaming anything.” He looked down to the stone, swallowing hard, “or anyone. Not anymore. I know what I did. What I gave up. I know, Nes.”

She sucked a breath in through her teeth. “Do you really want to do this now, Cassian?”

“Did you have a better time in mind?”

Nesta levelled him with her gaze. “How about 7 years ago?” Cassian flinched, but did not waver. “How about when I was eighteen and in love and lost and so desperate I waited by the door for the mailman every morning? How about when I cried every night, terrified for the worst, convinced that you were dead because why else wouldn’t you write? What excuse could you possibly have?”

“Do you wish I had been dead?” Cassian shrugged one shoulder, “ I won’t blame you if you say yes.”

“No,” Nesta kept his gaze. “Because then I never would have met Eris.”

“He was good to you?” Cassian asked and Nesta wanted to claw his eyes out.

“He glued back every piece you shattered.”

“I told him once that he should let you go.”

“What?”

“You always deserved better than this.” Nesta glared. “Better than loving a soldier. You deserved to be with someone who comes home every night and doesn’t scream themselves awake. You deserve-“

“I deserve to make my own choices.”

Cassian nodded once, “I see that now. I was … I was an idiot.”

“You were. You are.” Nesta but her lip as tears began to well. She was so tired of holding them back. “But you are the only one who knew him like I did,” she whispered. There was comfort in that. In the man who served with her husband like a brother.

Cassian moved carefully, removing his jacket and draping it over her shoulders. She could tell he wanted to wrap an arm around her but was glad that he refrained.

“My husband is dead.” It was the first time she had said it out loud.

“I’m sorry.”

“I could really use a friend right now, Cassian.” His eyes lit up. “Not a man with an ulterior motive, not an ex, a friend. Another soul who loved him. Someone who …”

“Someone who would never ask you to smile or get out of bed if you don’t want to.”

Nesta nodded.

“I can do that,” Cassian said. “It’s the least I can do. For both of you.”

[theladyofdeath]

Life As We Know It {Chapter Two}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Shelby's blogs! >> @snelbz​

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby's Masterlist

Tara's Masterlist

Trigger warning: death

The vibrations beneath her pillow had nearly stopped by the time Nesta dug it out and held it up to her ear.

“Hell-hello?” she asked, barely able to keep her eyes open, barely able to get the words out.

Her eyes adjusted as she sat up and looked at the alarm clock on Feyre and Rhysand’s bedside table.

1:26 a.m.

“Is this Nesta Archeron?” a quiet, female voice asked.

It was the tone that got Nesta. 

It was the tone that had her sitting up straight, her heart slowing in her chest. “Yes, this is Nesta.”

“Nesta, this is Claire from Velaris Hospital,” she began. “There’s been an accident-.”

It was all she heard.

After that, everything became blurred and the words that Claire spoke made absolutely no sense at all.

Rhys and Feyre were supposed to be home the following evening, the last she’d heard from her sister, she and Rhys were going to dinner and then out dancing before heading back up to the cabin.

That had been a little before eight, almost six hours ago. She could hear the rain coming down, much harder than it had been when she’d gone to bed, even a few hours before. Nyx had been asleep by seven, only waking up to cry once or twice a night the whole time she’d been watching him. All in all, the weekend had been uneventful, but she was ready for Rhys and Feyre to be home, so she could go home to her townhouse, to peace and quiet and blessed, blessed silence.

But as she quickly tucked Nyx into his car seat, doing her best not to wake the sleeping baby up, she tried not to think about the phone call. She tried not to think about the firm, but steady tone of voice as she drove across town, to the hospital. 

She had been to the hospital before.

Twice in the last fifteen years.

Once when her mother passed, once her sickness finally took her.

And once again when their father passed over complications from his heart surgery.

Nesta hated that drive, hated pulling into the hospital’s parking lot. She didn’t trust it, not one bit. She hated it. Hated the ground on which it stood.

As she parked her car in front of the building, she looked in the rearview mirror. Nyx was still fast asleep, completely unaware of what was happening, completely unaware of the phone call that had just occurred only half an hour before.

There’s been an accident.

Nesta got out of the car. She shut the driver’s side and went to the back. She carefully unbuckled Nyx from his carseat and picked him up, holding him tightly against her chest as she covered him with his oldest, softest, favorite blanket. 

The parking lot was nearly empty.

Nesta carried Nyx inside.

You need to come quickly.

She found Azriel by the doors leading deeper into the hospital, calling out his name as soon as she saw him. He turned, and she nearly froze at the look on his face, the paleness and hollow look in his eyes. But she couldn’t and she hurried to where he stood, with a stone-faced doctor.

We did everything we could.

The next few minutes were a blur of explanations and condolences, but Nesta could do nothing but hold onto Nyx, still sleeping soundly in her arms. She hadn’t even realized she was crying until Azriel slid an arm around her shoulders, offering her what little comfort he could.

They’re gone.

*

They had been driving back to the cabin when the storm had hit. Both of them had been drinking, but not enough to even break the blood alcohol level. The winding roads leading up into the mountains quickly grew slick and when they hydroplaned, Rhys had lost control of the car.

With how hard it was coming down, he hadn’t even seen the ledge coming up, or how far the drop was to the bottom of the ravine.

Nesta prayed that wherever they had gone after their final breath that they were together.

And that Rhysand wouldn’t be blaming himself.

It wasn’t his fault.

She repeated that prayer one after the other until she had begun to doze in and out of sleep.

When she woke, it was nearly five in the morning.

Nyx had slept through it all, hadn’t even realized what had happened. When they got home, Nesta had laid him in his crib, where he had remained, sleeping soundly, ever since.

4:56 a.m.

Nesta had managed to sleep for nearly forty-five minutes.

That in itself was a blessing.

Yet, as she threw her legs over the side of the bed, Nesta felt guilty. How could she sleep after the news she had just received?

None of it seemed real.

Her little sister, her youngest sister.

Dead.

All that was left of their family was her and Elain. 

Her, and Elain, and Nyx, and Seph.

Dad. Mom. Feyre.

Gone.

Nesta stumbled into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. She didn’t feel a thing. After turning the faucet on, letting the cold water run for a minute, she splashed some on her face.

It didn’t bring her back to reality like she was hoping for.

She was hoping it was all a dream.

But it wasn’t.

Her legs carried her into Nyx’s nursery, where she sat for the next couple of hours, watching him sleep, peacefully. Not knowing, not realizing, not understanding his parents were never coming home.

She heard the front door open around seven-thirty, rushing down the stairs, praying that she had, in fact, dreamed it all and Rhys and Feyre would be coming inside, home a few hours early.

But it wasn’t Rhys, or Feyre. Instead, it was another familiar head of golden-brown hair, her eyes trained in the hardwood just inside the walkway. The door had barely closed before Nesta made it down the stairs and wrapped her arms around Elain.

They both collapsed, falling to their knees on the worn rug, as Elain sobbed into her sister’s shoulder.

*

The following days were a blur. A constant stream of people calling, texting, reaching out to see what could be done. Nesta and Elain handled the arrangements, with Azriel’s help, but none of them realized how prepared Feyre and Rhys had been for their own deaths.

Maybe it was because they’d both lost their parents young. Maybe it was because they didn’t want Nyx to ever have to deal with it on his own. All Nesta had to do was sign some paperwork and present their death certificates.

The funeral home had taken it from there.

She sat in the corner of the room, wearing a simple black dress that Feyre had always told her looked matronly on anyone else, but made her look like a badass CEO. It was one of her favorites. She figured Feyre would have wanted her to wear it today.

She hadn’t been able to bring herself to look into the caskets yet, to see what her sister and brother-in-law looked like, if they even looked like themselves.

She’d never be able to wipe the memory of their pale, lifeless bodies from her mind, as she and Azriel had to confirm that it was them in the hospital. Until that moment, she’d held out hope that maybe they had been wrong. That maybe someone had stolen their car and they were waiting at the bar for the rain to die down.

But even in death she couldn’t mistake their faces.

She couldn’t imagine that they looked anything like they once did, knowing that she’d never see Feyre’s bright smile or amusement sparking in Rhysand’s eyes.

The funeral dragged on, a preacher they had grown up with leading the crowd that had gathered. Nesta was asked if she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. What was there to say? There was too much to say. 

Nesta couldn’t.

So, she didn’t.

They carried the caskets out and loaded them up in the hearses. 

Nesta didn’t remember getting behind the wheel, didn’t remember loading Nyx into his carseat, didn’t remember driving to the cemetery.

And yet, she ended up standing in front of a set of holes in the ground with Nyx on her hip. Only a few words were said before the caskets were lowered into the ground.

Nesta wondered what was going through Nyx’s head. The one-year-old didn’t make a sound, not a peep as the day went on. He simply remained perfectly calm, his head resting on Nesta’s shoulder as she swayed back and forth.

“I can take him, if you want to say goodbye.”

Nesta spun around, meeting the eyes of Cassian Nazari.

He’d been crying, she could tell. If it wasn’t for the redness in his puffy eyes, Nesta surely would have snapped.

“There’s no need,” Nesta said, with an empty calmness. “I’ve already said my goodbyes.”

It was a lie, of course.

Could you ever really say goodbye to someone you loved?

He didn’t push her, just silently stepped up next to her and stared at the mounds of dirt. Nearly everyone was gone, Azriel taking a silent, distant Elain home. Mor, Emerie, Gwyn, Amren, and Varian had left just a few minutes after them. The only ones still present were those who had filled the graves, the preacher, saying a few final prayers for peace, and the three of them.

“I don’t…” His voice was rough, in a way she’d never heard it. “I keep waiting for him to call me and tell me it’s all dumbass prank,” he breathed. “That this was all some elaborate joke to get back at me for something.”

Nesta nodded, understanding. She blinked, but was unable to stop the few silent tears from sliding down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to say, but for once she agreed with Cassian.

“If you, uh, need anything…” Cassian began, before shaking his head and taking a deep breath. “If you need anything just give me a call.”

Nesta nodded once. She knew he was just saying it out of kindness due to the situation, but she supposed it was still a kind offer.

“I’ll be fine,” she said, after a moment had passed. Without giving Cassian another glance, she was turning toward her car, walking away.

Her legs became heavier with each step she took, but she continued onward until she was sitting behind the wheel of her little black car, Nyx buckled into his carseat.

He began to fuss.

Nesta understood.

Maybe he was beginning to realize that his mom and dad were never coming back.

As Nesta drove back toward the house, her vision blurred as the tears came.

*

The next few days passed by slowly. She and Nyx made it just fine, but the time seemed to drag on and on and on.

She had just put Nyx down for his afternoon nap when her phone began to ring, a number she didn’t recognize showing up on her screen.

She hesitated for a moment, not sure if she could handle another one of Rhys or Feyre’s friends offering their condolences. Their pity.

Ultimately, she grabbed her phone, swiping across the screen to answer the call.

“Nesta Archeron speaking.”

A smooth voice came from the other end of the line. “Ms. Archeron, my name is Tarquin Hadrian.”

She paused. The name didn’t seem familiar, so she cleared her throat. “How can I help you, Mr. Hadrian?”

“I’m terribly sorry for your loss, Ms. Archeron,” he began. Nesta sighed quietly, waiting for the words to continue, but he said something she wasn’t expecting. “I’m the Lunasa’s attorney. I was hoping to speak with you about their will.”

Shit. Nesta hadn’t even thought about a will, hadn’t thought about any of the plans Rhys and Feyre had made. If they’d planned everything, down to their burials and graves, surely they had prepared a last will and testament. “Of- Of course.”

“Are you free this afternoon?” He asked. “I know it’s short notice, but I’d wanted to give your family as much time as possible to grieve, however, there are some matters that need to be handled sooner rather than later.”

“Yes, I can be there any time,” she said, looking at the clock. Nyx wouldn’t be up from his nap for another hour or so, but she could figure something out. “When would you prefer?”

“Is three o’clock okay?”

After Nesta’s agreement, he was giving her the address to his office and the call was over and Nesta was calling Elain, asking to drop Nyx off on her way over. She didn’t want to wake him, nor did she think a meeting with a lawyer was a good place for a one-year-old.

An hour later, she was pulling into the parking lot of the small law office, and she froze in her car when she spied a familiar truck across the lot.

What in the hell was he doing here?

Nesta made her way inside, letting the pretty receptionist know who she was here to see and she was escorted back to a plush office.

Cassian already waited inside, sitting across the desk from a handsome, dark-skinned man.

“Ms. Archeron,” he said, standing, extending a hand. Nesta shook it with her own. She didn’t miss that Cassian merely sat there as she entered. “Thank you for meeting with me.”

“Of course,” she nodded, taking the seat next to Cassian. Neither of them acknowledged the other, which was for the best.

There was a large stack of papers on Tarquin’s desk and as he sat, he began to lead through them one by one. Sighing, he laid his hands atop the papers.

“I’m going to cut right to the chase here,” he said. “Did Feyre or Rhys talk with either of you about what should happen to Nyx in the event that both of them should die?”

A glance at each other, but they both shook their heads. Cassian said, “No.”

Another deep breath. “They...named the two of you.”

His blue eyes looked between them, and it took Nesta a moment to realize he wasn’t just speaking to her. Just as long as it took Cassian to realize the same.

As one, they both leaned forward, Nesta resting her hands on the desk, Cassian letting his elbows fall in his knees. Nesta said, “They picked us together?” at the same time Cassian asked, “I’m sorry, what?”

Tarquin cleared his throat. “I tried to advise them against it. An unmarried couple, with your own personal history…”

“I don’t understand,” Nesta said, shaking her head. “I…don’t understand.”

“Yeah, me either,” Cassian added.

“Here,” Tarquin said, handing the two of them a letter.

Neither of them reached for it, but Tarquin didn’t back down. He held out the piece of paper until Nesta snatched it and opened it up.

Cassian hovered over her as she read.

Cassian and Nesta,

We are writing this letter in case of a tragedy. Of course, we don’t expect a tragedy to happen, but you never know.

In case something does happen, you’re to take custody of Nyx. Both of you. We know you two don’t get along, but if something were to happen to us, we need you. You see, we want Nyx to have a mom and a dad. We want him to have two people who love and support him no matter what.

There’s a reason we chose you both to be godparents.

Nesta, you have a heart bigger than anyone we’ve ever met, even though you don’t often show it. When you care about someone, you care about them wholeheartedly. You devote your life to them. You make them feel loved, make them feel wanted, make them feel protected. And we know you care about Nyx.

Cass, you love more fiercely than anyone we have ever known. You were dealt a poor hand as a child, and instead of making you bitter, it made you stronger. It made you realize how you want others to be treated, instead of the opposite. You would make an incredible father. Therefore, we made you godfather.

The two of you are opposite halves of the same coin. One of you cannot succeed without the other, even though you’d both probably argue against that statement.

Look.

If you’re reading this, it means that something awful has happened. If you’re reading this, it means that we are gone. And, if we are gone, Nyx needs someone. He needs his godparents.

We know you’re scared. We know you’re heartbroken. But, if you love us, the two of you will work together to create a family-like environment for Nyx.

We love you both.

We believe in you both.

Tell Nyx we love him, too. So damn much.

Rhysand and Feyre

Nesta’s hands shook as she lowered the letter. “We… The two of us can’t… We can barely be in the same room as each other, much less take care of a child.”

“As I said, I advised them against this, especially once they explained your personal history to me,” Tarquin said, leaning back in his chair. He laid a hand atop the paper on his desk again. “As I mentioned before, they were very thorough in their planning, even going so far as to put a sum of a portion of their life insurance to pay off the mortgage of their home. They’ve left it to the two of you as well, to ensure Nyx has the easiest time possible. No on and off weekends, no moving back and forth.”

Nesta was still processing his words, when Cassian asked, “Wait, so we’re supposed to live together? Not only take care of him, which I’ll do anyways, but live in the same house?”

With a blink, Nesta looked at him. “You’ll take care of him? I’ve been taking care of him for over a week now.”

“Well, he’s my responsibility, too,” he replied, practically snarling at her. “I’m not going to disrespect Rhys’s wishes by shirking it off on someone else.”

Nesta was about to say something else, was ready to snap, but Tarquin cut her off. “It was my duty to give you the letter, per their will. What you do with it is up to you.”

Nesta left twenty minutes later, ready to set the entire city on fire. She burst out the front doors but didn’t leave alone. Cassian was just behind her, right on her heels, calling her name.

“I’m his godfather and I’m not letting Rhys down,” he said. 

She wasn’t backing down, either. “You realize this isn’t a part time job, right? This is a lifetime commitment, Cassian-.”

“You think I don’t know that?” He asked, stopping in front of her. He paused and blinked, as if he’d just realized she didn’t have him with her. “Where is he?”

She scoffed. “With Elain and Seph. I didn’t want to bring him because I wasn’t sure what this meeting would entail. He’d just gone down for a nap and I didn’t want to mess his schedule up.”

She watched as the words registered, watched as he processed them. He probably didn’t even know Nyx had a nap schedule, and he sure as hell didn’t know what it was.

Nevermind the fact that she hadn’t known it the week before, when Feyre had explained it to her before they’d left. Before they’d-.

Tears stung her eyes, trying to spill over as they always did when she thought about her sister, about Rhys. The fire inside her, the will to fight with Cassian, disappeared almost immediately.

“I need to go get him,” she said, adjusting the purse strap on her shoulder, stepping off the curb towards her car.

Cassian didn’t follow her, and when she pulled out of the parking lot, he was still standing in front of the law offices, looking as lost as she felt.

[flowerflamestars]

Ivy Moon: Part 1

Nesta Archeron had grave dirt under her nails.

This was a usual occurrence. As a death blessed witch in a family of talents, being called upon to speak to the newly dead was her most regular and least favorite job. But as any good witch would tell you, no dead needed to rise to speak.

And dead werewolves certainly didn’t reappear out of the sky and happy to be found.

Or naked as a full moon night.

Nesta winced at the thought and resolutely kept her eyes up, locked on a tawny shoulder she had to tilt her head to reach. The werewolf was thanking her again, unabashed at his nudity and smiling brightly.

“-I don’t even know where I was, so”-

“You were dead,” Nesta interrupted flatly, and this time he seemed to hear her. Beautiful green eyes with wolf amber bubbling up inside them met hers in confusion, somehow even prettier than the rest of him. Gods, this whole damned night was giving her a headache. “Or at least, your brothers thought you were.”

She was going to have words with Rhys when this was done. What the hell had he dragged her into this time?

The wolf in front of her was still staring, chest heaving for all that he had run out of words. It was a physical effort not to stare back, chiseled golden muscle moving tangibly close to her face. Stupid werewolf strength.

Nesta threw out a hand, pointing behind her impossible companion.

“That,” she said sharply, frustration bleeding into her tone, “is your grave. We never found your body, but Rhys filled a casket in case it allowed me to call your spirit.” A grave of oak and amber and jade, for a full-blooded wolf with a talent for magic. If he focused hard enough, Nesta wouldn’t have been surprised if he could still smell the sorrow of his brothers here.

Wide eyed, Cassian pivoted to see the headstone.

Nesta actually bit her lip at the muscled back and long, bare, sculpted stretch that put right in her sight. Fucking werewolves.

Quickly, hoping he was too distressed to scent her, Nesta stepped forward to stand beside him. The witching hour had come and gone, the forest that hid this burial ground still and quiet. Even the wind rustled oaks were silent, leaving her with nothing but the growing moon and a man who most definitely was not dead.

She could feel the warmth of his eyes on her again. “You were trying to call my spirit?” Cassian asked at a low rumble, not giving her space to reply. “You’re Feyre’s sister, aren’t you?”

Nesta nodded, before tilting her head back to gaze dimly at the trees. Cassian swore.

“Fuck,” He repeated, dark hair falling into his face as he reached for her crossed arms. Out of the corner of her eye, it was impossible not to note the moonlight gleaming over Cassian’s bare skin. “Nesta Archeron, please tell me I did not crawl out of that grave in front of you.”

To her horror, Nesta snorted a laugh before she could stop herself.

“You were never in the grave,” She said, “You’re not even dirty. I don’t know what the hell curse you’re under, but I guarantee it isn’t effecting your memory.”

She saw the interest flicker across his face, mouth twisting into a grin much more flirtatious than rueful. “You could look closer,” Cassian offered, “Who knows where grave dirt could hide. A witches touch reveals all truth, doesn’t it?”

No- no, that was it.

Nesta turned on her heel and began walking away without a word, the crisp crunch of leaves under her boots endlessly satisfying. She was cold and tired, and had nearly been struck by lightening. Lightening out of which had appeared the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen, naked and perfect and grinning at her like sin itself.

A gorgeous man who was, of course, the supposedly dead brother of the underworld mob boss her baby sister was shacking up with.

She was done. Done with the night and this freezing forest. She wanted a cup of coffee and some gods damned answers, both of which could be found at home.

Cassian caught up to her ground eating stride easily, moving with perfect grace in the dark. He seemed as unaffected by the low light as he was by his total nudity and the biting cold, content to silently lope by her side as Nesta stomped through the trees to her car.

It was only after the third time he reached out to catch her, righting Nesta’s stumble over something she couldn’t see that he broke the silence.

“Rhys and Az really think I’m dead?” Cassian asked, voice low as he gently tugged her upright.

Nesta didn’t particularly want to think about what kind of mess they were all in until she had more information. A curse that powerful, that undetectable? Something old and bloody made that magic.

But she couldn’t deny the brother’s sorrow had been real, a devastation that reverberated through the Archeron’s deep and true.  She’d come to the funeral, stood beside a white knuckled Azriel, ready to fight to world to bring his brother home.

She’d never met Cassian, but she was intimately acquainted with the hole his absence had left in his pack and her family.

“You went missing a month ago,” Nesta murmured, matching his tone. “I tried to track your magic, Elain scryed for you, but there was nothing. And then Rhys told us you were dead.”

They’re reached the edge of the forest, moonlight bright enough for Nesta to track the shaking hand Cassian raked through his hair. Dark curls sprang back with a levity that made her hands itch. So she found herself saying, voice stupidly soft, “I’m taking you to them, everyone’s out at our house.”

Cassian stopped walking.

Nesta was tugged to a stop too, the hand he’d used to steady her still wrapped securely around her wrist. When she opened her mouth and looked up to protest however, she found Cassian looking down at her, a softer twin of his initial smile on his lips.

“Sorry about earlier,” Cassian said. “I say really stupid things when I’m nervous, Az calls it fuckboy mode.”

It took physical effort not to smile back at that devastatingly handsome face. Nesta tilted her head instead. “Fuckboy sounds about right. Aren’t you a couple centuries too old to lack brain to mouth filter?”

He huffed a laugh. “Beautiful women bringing me back to life is a singular weakness.”

Nesta’s eyebrows went higher, unable to resist a smirk. “You were never dead.”

“I don’t know,” Cassian murmured, grin grown wide and crooked, “Pretty sure my heart stopped when I saw you, sweetheart.”

His grip was still a lovely, gentle pressure on her wrist. Nesta jerked it out of his grasp, she didn’t need him knowing how fast her heart was going. And if he didn’t know, she could perfectly well pretend it wasn't happening. Nesta wouldn’t be admitting to the burst of laughter his words dragged from her either.

Gravel crunched as she rocked back, away from the tangible heat of his body and toward the hedgerows that hid her car. Warm eyes followed her, gone wolf bright amber and gold between one blink and the next.

He followed her, eyebrows crinkling as she wrestled with the tie of her coat while she walked.  Finally, centuries since she’d seen it last, Nesta came to a stop in front of her car to shrug off her long green jacket. Keys fished out, she balled the garment and tossed it at Cassian.

He caught it easily, arm staying raised in confusion.

Nesta crossed her cold arms with huff. Gods, she couldn’t wait for coffee. “You’re not getting in my car like that.”

“What?” Cassian started, and stopped, her coat held out in front of him. “Oh god, I didn’t even think- we’re in the woods, and its close enough I can feel the moon.” He fumbled the fabric around his hips in haste, pointedly looking away from her. “I am so, so sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

He sounded so horrified Nesta snapped back, “I am not uncomfortable.”

The flare of light as Nesta unlocked the car was enough for her to actually see the moment he breathed in her scent. Cassians head tilted in question, mortification slammed its way through her chest as his nostrils flared, catching the interest and attraction, the hint of arousal in the air with those wolves senses.

Fucking werewolves.

And then Cassian blushed.

Nesta wrenched her eyes away, and threw the car into reverse the second he’d settled inside. The road was dark and empty, she’d focus on that. She would not think about the color blooming on his olive cheeks, the half seconds gaze that left her sure that when Cassian flushed the color went down and down and down.

The radio crackled to life in static, the charmed car responding to her tension. Cassian reached to silence it before she could, wincing.

“Sorry,” He apologized again, as her fingers brushed over his arm in slower reflex. “Werewolf hearing.”

Nesta put her hand back on the steering wheel and resolutely did not think about acres of bare tawny skin. She had other problems to deal with, like what could be possibly be powerful enough to fool Rhys’ senses.

She hadn’t been happy to find out her sister was engaged to the man who watched over the east coasts supernatural underworld with an iron fist. In fact, she’d set a small forest fire before her temper was in check. It wasn’t just his work - of protection and acquisition, which he was damn good at- but her baby sister just had to go and fall in love with the only dhampir alive.

Amren had spent half an hour putting out the fire, because she couldn’t stop laughing long enough to focus.

Centuries old, with blood that was poison to vampires, magic that repulsed the fae, and bone that would once have been a witch relic, Rhysand was deadly. Born of a soul bond between a werewolf and a vampire, he had the instincts of a hunter- and he’d use every single one to destroy those who stood against his family.

Nesta was lucky enough to be counted among that small number.

It also helped her estimation of him that he loved Feyre like the world was ending.

Old, powerful, and ruthless as he was, he’d been sure his brother was dead and gone. What enemy was there that could actually fool him? And whose magic had she inadvertently broken through?

Like he couldn’t stand the swell of silence, like he knew what she was thinking, Cassian began to speak. “You said curse, earlier. Why do you think that’s what happened?”

Nesta shrugged. “You disappeared,” She ticked off the points on her finger, a list fully formed in her head. “Untraceable by magic, or scent. You have no memories of what happened, which is classic cursework. And you came back completely intact when whatever it was broke.”

Cassian tapped lightly at the foggy window, eyes flitting over her face. “I don’t know anything about death magic, so humor me. How do you know that you didn’t accidentally bring me back from the dead?”

Nesta sighed.

“Okay, first of all? I’m not a necromancer.” Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him nodding. “There hasn’t been one in at least a thousand years, and by all accounts they were never human to start with. Someone coming back,” She waved a frustrated hand in his direction, “In their original body, power and mind intact? It doesn’t happen.”

It couldn’t happen, and Nesta had been trying to explain this nuance since she was a teenager first sought out for her prodigious gifts.

“But you can speak to the dead?” Cassian asked. “Feyre explained it to us like Elain was good at life magic and you with the dead, with her skills somewhere in between. But I know it has to be more than that, because I tried to get sense of your power earlier- and honestly, I couldn’t tell where it started or ended.”

“Rude,” Nesta teased, before she could stop herself. That crooked smile was on Cassian’s face again, streetlights as they cut through town on the way to her families sprawling home painting him in hazy gold. Wolf eyes still gazed back at her.

“I’m death blessed,” She said, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel before she carefully continued. “I keep the dead and the dead keep me.”

A crack of laughter escaped Cassian, making her jump. The rich sound didn’t last long, but it was enough to raise the temperature in the car by several degrees. “Do you know wolves say that too?” Amusement tangled in his words, “You keep the pack and the pack keeps you.”

Oddly enough, that made her feel braver. “I’ve got one foot in life and one in the beyond. I can talk to the dead, but that also means I can kill almost anything. Makes cursework come easy, any kind of banishment or destruction really. I’m very, very good with fire.”

In the brief, surreal moment of stopping at a red light in the predawn hours, Cassian caught her gaze. “Of course you’re good with fire.” It was a low murmur she barely heard, but felt.

The car lurched forward, racing away from civilization and down onto the long road her grandmother had commissioned. Nesta kept speaking, unwilling to break the moment, but just as eager to hide away from it. “Elain has earth and wind, and Feyre water.”

“You’re a triumvirate,” Cassian breathed.

Something coiled against Nesta’s senses, warm as magic. Not fear, but awe. “That’s what our mother called us.” Death, Life, Creation. Their grandmother had older words for it- Crone, Maiden, Mother. Born not in the straightforward order of natural law, but in reverse, witches to practice magic not under the sun, but in the hidden and bright spaces of the night sky.

Thick trees and foggy hills rapidly gave way as Nesta drove recklessly fast toward the ordered wildness of Elains flower farm, wards a comforting hum as Nesta came to a stop beside a field of roses. Cassian followed her out of the car, stopping only when she reached for his hand.

“Sweetheart,” He drawled, and the dark, honeyed sound of his voice had her reaching for the magic faster, a quick flash of power slashing at both their palms. Nesta laced their fingers together so that blood raced with blood, and pulled Cassian forward. He let her, bleeding and curious, lead him into a veil of magic.

If Nesta didn’t know any better, she’d swear that blush was back on his cheeks.

You make him nervous, her brain murmured to her. The attraction was so absolute it felt like an enchantment itself, heady and out of control in her exhausted state.

Cassian let out a low whistle, looking around as though he could see the magic hanging thick in the air. “That’s some boundary spell.”

“It’s a ward,” Nesta corrected, “The first time one of us has to let you in personally, and then walk you all the way in of our own power.”

Cassian shook his head in something like respect and turned her hand in his, not relinquishing his hold when Nesta pulled back. Under the blood starting to dry tacky and dark, his palm was already healed. Amber eyes flitting to hers, Cassian pushed out a gentle thread of power, healing her in the space between heartbeats.

It would have been smart to step back.

This night was already too fraught and complicated to muddle further, but for a moment- for long minutes under the light of the waxing moon, Nesta let herself close her eyes and chase the feel of that power.

It came by increments, the sleek slide of sunny warmth against her senses. Cassian’s magic felt like the wildness of every full moon night, overlaid with the comforting safety of the sun on bare skin. Instinct and longing and power run free, tempered by a home that could never be lost.

She felt as he let her in further, wolves senses overtaking her own. How Cassian could smell the heady scent of Elain’s enchanted roses like a fog, how close his wolf was to surface, ready to lean against her side. Nesta felt how keenly Cassian sensed the touch her hand cupped in his, how some wild untamed part of him wanted to lick the blood from her palm to find her skin perfect and beautiful beneath it.

Nesta’s eyes snapped open with shiver.

This was not the time, and not the place- and- and this was Rhysand’s brother, for gods sake. This was a bad idea. But Nesta knew, shoving away the overwhelming feel of his magic, that she’d want to see more. Stupid, gorgeous werewolf.

Eyes with nothing human left in them were locked on her face.

Nesta straightened her spine. She was not doing this right now. “Ready for a family reunion?”

—

The second lightening struck and Cassian appeared, Nesta had decided not to warn anyone she was bringing him home.

To ensure they believed her and stop anyone from panicking, of course- not because she wanted a small, happy revenge for almost being killed by his magical reappearance, of course.

But Nesta had underestimated the sheer length of the walk across the estate to her families house. And how long she could stand the tangible temptation of a naked werewolf who kept blushing at her, somehow abashed and cocky all at once.

A werewolf who was looking at her from under a furrowed brow, eager to get back to his family and confused as to why they had stopped in a birch grove to make a phone call.

Amren answered on the second ring, voice just irritated enough to let Nesta know her friend was worried about her. “Please tell me baby werewolf had a very specific revenge plan to tell you, and that’s why you’ve been gone all night.”

“Not as such,” Nesta drawled, watching Cassian mouth baby werewolf indignantly. “Can you go steal a pair of pants from Rhys’ drawer in Feyre’s bedroom and meet me in the spell garden?’

Cassian waved hand in front of her before speaking, as though he didn’t want to be rude. “I’m taller than Rhys,” he said, “If Az is around, stealing the change of clothes he keeps in the trunk of his car would work better.”

“Is that?”- The strange wind noise that Nesta knew enough to assume was the sound of Amren moving at supernatural speed cut into her best friends words. “Nesta, what the burning hell? Am I hearing Rhysand Jr Jr?”

“My name is Cassian,” He growled back, Nesta an unnecessary intermediary between two shape shifters with super hearing. She jabbed him in the ribs before stepping away, not that it would help. He’d hear every word they both said.

“We’re by the birches,” Nesta muttered, drawing the the heel of her boot through the thick grass.

“Fuck,” Replied Amren, eloquently. “I’m on my way.”

Sliding her phone back into her pocket, Nesta turned to find Cassian leaning against a thin tree truck, hands brushing over the carved marks on a branch above his head. Luminously golden eyes flitted up to follow her movement, every line in of his body held a little too casual to be real.

“These aren’t magic,” He noted, the question plain.

Nesta crossed her arms with a huff. For so clearly wanting to get to his brothers, maybe he didn’t want to think about the circumstance either. “They’re practice, from when I was small,” She admitted. “I had to learn to burn the sigils without lighting the trees on fire.”

It was one of her clearest memories of grandmother, before Genevieve had passed, leaving the estate and it’s safe haven to her eldest granddaughter. A place where no one could touch Nesta if she didn’t want them, where plants bloomed at her passage instead of crumbling in death.

A place where the dead couldn’t speak to her and the living couldn’t harm her.

Cassian’s ever present smile was dancing over his features. “I heard you started a Siberian forest fire.”

It was like a challenge, her magic wanted to reach out at the sound of his voice. “You would too,” Nesta quipped, giving into the fire in her blood, “If your baby sister agreed to marry a dhampir she’d known for two weeks.”

If Cassian was surprised at fire bursting to life in the air, a hundred molten balls of light, he didn’t show it. He tilted his head back to see them waft through the air, grinning like the wolf he was. Sharp jawed and no less rugged for delight, he reached a hand out toward one, fingers skating close to flame before Nesta willed it away.

“You’ll get burnt,” She said, smirking.

The crushing beauty of his wolf bright gaze settled on her once again, taking in her face like she were magic too. A heat that had nothing to do with fire or power filled the air between them.

“I’d like,” Cassian said carefully, stepped away from the tree, “To see how close I can get.”

Nesta wondered if were he listening to her heartbeat. She could feel the pulse in her throat, the blush starting over her collar bones. As Cassian walked toward her, all unashamed hunters grace, Nesta wanted nothing more than to stride forward and meet him half way.

Until her best friends voice cut through the dark.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Amren swore, appearing from thin air. “How are you alive, wolf man?”

Cassian actually jumped, teeth bared, as a petite dark hair woman emerged to his left. He reined in the reaction fast enough to impress Nesta, face rueful as he caught the clothes Amren threw at him. “I know even less than you do, actually.”

“That, you’ll find, is always true.” Amren tsked, walking to Nesta’s side. “No go put on pants.”

Which a final look at Nesta, Cassian did as he was told and walked further into the grove. It took all of a breath for Amren to easily pull Nesta in the opposite direction, sniffing at the air for signs of injury.

“Are you okay?” She demanded, coming to a stop beside an ivy covered trellis. “What the hell happened out there?”

Nesta started pulling pins from her hair, exhaustion making her sag as she finally relaxed for the first time since she’d walked into that forest. “Have you ever heard of anyone appearing out of a lightening strike?”

Amren worried at a ring on her left hand, a confection of ruby and diamond someone with less keen eyes might assume was costume jewelry. Nesta had been present when Amren picked it up in payment from a Russian prince, part of the royal dowries worth of jewelry they’d been paid to break the curses on an old palace.

“Someone without a drop of fae blood?” She raised her eyebrows, disbelief such a perfect mirror of what Nesta had been feeling that she wanted to laugh. She’d been awake long enough now that she was starting to feel punchy with it.

“A curse,” Nesta said, what they were both thinking.

Amren hummed in agreement. “That explains why you both reek of hellebore.” She pointed an accusing finger, this one crowned with three overlapping golden rings, “It doesn’t explain why you smell like blood and lust and wolf. He’s a damn sight better than Rhysand, but I had no idea werewolves were your type after all.”

Nesta rolled her eyes, and waved her still bloody hand. “I had to key him into the wards,” she said, ignoring everything else.

“Mhmm,” Amren replied, her disbelief cut off by Cassian striding out of the trees to them, saving Nesta from her fate.

He walked around Amren to Nesta’s side like he belonged there, bare feet silent. Amren didn’t try to hide her snigger.

“Alright,” Nesta sighed, “Cassian the not dead brother, meet Amren, the other member of our family.”

Amren waited until Cassian had grasped her hand in greeting before flashing fully silver eyes, sharp smile going fanged. If she’d expected intimidation, what she got instead was the bright laugh Nesta was beginning to realize was very, very Cassian.

“You’re the dream dragon!” He burst out, unaffected by Amrens snarl at his words. Nesta tried and failed to hide a laugh behind her hand.

Her best friend huffed and began walking without them, grumbling. “You let one human see you in the eighties, and its all jokes.” Even in heels and with a much shorter stride, Nesta had to scramble to catch up.

“You should have eaten him,” Nesta told her, knowing Amren wasn’t truly offended as she linked an arm threw hers.

“I should have,” She agreed, and then turned her head to call back to the wolf following at Nesta’s heels. “You ever call me that again, baby wolf, and I’ll eat you too. Even canines taste good fire roasted.”

Nesta swore she heard Cassian laugh again.

Reckless, but some buried deep part of her quite liked the fearlessness. Cassian was no more afraid of Amren than he was of Nesta.

Together the three of them rejoined the long, winding gravel road that led to the heart of the estate. Neither shifter commented as they slowed their pace to match Nesta’s determined, but tired steps. Here, in her home, she could let herself be exhausted.

Past gardens that had provided generations with magical plants, beyond the glass greenhouses where Elain grew flowers from other worlds, through guardian oaks that lit with their passage from pools of alchemic moonlight Feyre had devised; Nesta led them home, her every step guarded by a wolf at her back.

—-

Azriel took one look at his younger brother- alive, breathing, wearing his stolen sweater and lupine grin- and silently collapsed like every string that held him together was cut. The breath that rattled from Cassian was audible even to Nesta before he sprang up the steps of the Archerons' porch, tackling his brother the rest of the way down to the wood floor.

The weathered boards groaned in protest, hiding from Nesta whatever Cassian was saying in a low voice.

Inaudible to her, but not to their older brother inside.

Rhysand slammed through the doorway like they were under attack, purple eyes wide. He froze at the sight before him for several heartbeats, a long, long time for someone with vampire reflexes.

And then, just like that, Rhys had thrown himself down to the floor too. All three brothers laughing and crying, a tangle of muscled limbs as they wrestled with one another. Scenting their pack- their small wolf family- alive and unharmed.

If Nesta allowed herself a sharp, happy smile before she turned to go around the house to the back door, Amren didn’t mention it.

—

Nesta Archeron was the most beautiful person Cassian had ever seen.

Feyre had crashed into his life like the little sister he’d never asked for, a vampire on her tail and a determination to do absolutely nothing about it, because the gallery show she was getting ready for was that much more important.

He’d seen her run out of gas and charm her car with an illegal, completely dark energy spell to get it going again.

He was protective of her and loved her, but looking at Nesta’s eyes, the exact same shade and shape, was something else entirely.

Cassian had been joking when he’d told Nesta his heart stopped when he saw her. But in reality, it seemed like a distinct possibility. If he were dead, or if this were a dream it would have made more sense- how absolutely fascinating the witch who’d found him in woods was.

Not just beautiful- though she was sharply gorgeous and so utterly perfect that he ached to touch her- but smart and strong, with clever eyes and magic that lit up his senses like a supernova. His wolf hadn’t ceased clawing to surface yet, so eager to cherish and protect.

This was not normal.

Cassian knew damn well what was happening, but he couldn’t let himself think the words. Not here in her kitchen, listening to her and her dragon friend debate what could have happened to him.

Not here with both his brothers, who could probably smell the emotion welling inside him. Azriel was already smirking, tracking the ever shrinking space between where Nesta sat, perched on a counter, and Cassian.

He was so, so fucked.

And lucky, he knew. Lucky beyond measure to have found a mate, the person his every cell was made for- to love, to protect, to care for. To a wolf like Cassian, it was the greatest stroke of fate imaginable.

But it was also a fucking disaster, because Nesta was a witch.

Cassian couldn’t imagine there was a good way to convey to anyone not a werewolf that he’d known all of ten hours and met standing naked on his own grave, that he’d love her until the day he died.

With a sigh that had Azriel grinning at him, light in his dark eyes that made Cassian want to get into the sort of brawl they hadn’t indulged in since they were teenagers, Cassian let himself casually drift until he was leaning no more than a foot from Nesta.

“What I don’t understand,” Nesta was saying, eyes narrow on Rhys, “Is why you were completely positive he was dead in the first place.”

That had the other Archeron sister Cassian had finally been able to meet looking up as well. “Yes,” Elain murmured airily, blonde brows high as she poured hot chocolate with the same intensity as Cassian might use in knife fight. “What exactly did you not tell us before you insisted my sister, summon a dead wolf under a nearly full moon, a week before Samhain?”

If Rhys were capable of coloring, he would have under the perfect censure of that tone.

Instead, he shot a weary glance at Azriel, who only dimpled back at him, the plea for help ignored. “The pack bond went dead. Cassian was gone.”

Purple eyes flitted over Cassian, love and concern in each warm breath he took. He couldn’t imagine what that would feel like- the bond of family and pack inside him as vital as his lungs or ribs.

Amren made a snickering, scathing noise into her glass of whiskey.

Gaping in her frustration, Nesta only shook her head, empty coffee cup clinking down next to her as she crossed her arms. “Are you kidding me?”

Slowly, hoping not to be noticed, Cassian plucked up her cup.

Nesta had been drinking cup after cup since they’d come into the house, seemingly untouched by the caffeine. It tangled in her scent- coffee and chocolate, blood on her skin- like something bittersweet he hadn’t known well enough to crave.

Silently, Cassian stepped away to refill it for her again. This kitchen, this whole place, was like a fairytale of witchcraft. Pale stone floors and aged beautiful wood, there was nowhere that didn’t reek of magic. It was all around them- blood wards on the building and land, plants blooming in the sisters wake, elemental charms and light spells and the sisters themselves; so powerful together in this place that made them that Cassian’s wolf was finally pushed down.

Halfway through stirring in the two sugars that Nesta preferred and Cassian had scented carefully to guess, Elain shoved a second cup into his free hand.

“Chocolate for life,” She said, cheerful and sharp all at once. “Welcome back to the land of the living, and to the family, Cassian.”

He stared first at the perfect swirl of whipped cream and then at her face, watching him carefully. Welcome to the family? Cassian knew one of Feyre’s sisters had a touch of foresight, but gods help him, he didn’t remember which one. “Thank you,” He settled on saying, taking a sip.

Dark, rich chocolate melted on his tongue as Elain’s face softened. She patted him on the shoulder. “We really are glad you’re not dead, you know.” Abruptly, she clapped her hands together, the sound lost in the rising tone of Rhys and Nesta’s argument. “Now, give me Nesta’s cup. If you really want to get on her good side, you need whipped cream.”

Blinking, he handed it over.

In Feyre’s stories, Elain was gentleness made manifest: baking cakes, making world renowned perfume, bringing Feyre back magic materials from her business trips to France. Cassian was learning fast that might be true for the much younger sister of the family, but to the rest of the world, Elain was just as terrifying as Nesta.

“Rhysand,” Nesta was snarling, as much a dragon as Cassian would have expected of Amren, “Just because you’re more than a wolf doesn’t change how curses fundamentally work.”

Elain handed Cassian back the mug with a sly smile before joining Azriel at the table.

“You’re giving us a list,” Nesta went on, jabbing a fire makers hand toward his brother. “Of every single person you’ve pissed off in at least the last century who might have a connection to Seelie magic.”

Cassian returned the cup to precisely where Nesta had set it down, unprepared for her to startle and meet his gaze. Wordlessly, he pressed it into her hand. Pale eyes still blazing, something softened around her mouth.

“Thank you,” Nesta said lightly. And then she smiled.

And Cassian was lost.

It was only a small smile, a quirk of full pink lips, but he’d caused it. Amren caught the look on his face, safe from Nesta’s gaze as she was busy glaring at Rhys over the rim of her coffee, and snorted so hard smoke and sparks came out into the air.

—

Some exhausting hours later, Azriel found Cassian watching the sunrise from the Archerons front porch.

“Amren owes me a hundred dollars,” His brother said in greeting, crossing his arms to lean beside Cassian. Before them, mist was rising through trees and grass, the dawn light silvered and pink.

Cassian raised his eyebrows in question. Azriels easy, knowing smile sliced across his face.

“She bet me if you two met, Nesta would sooner rip off your balls than ever bare her throat,” He said, bumping his shoulder into Cassian. “I guess neither of them know you’re not quite that sort of wolf. Yet.”

Cassian wasn’t proud of it, but he groaned.

“She made a joke, last night, about Rhys and Feyre getting engaged after two weeks. And they’re not even mates.” He shook his head, unruly curls falling in his face. Cassian raked them back with a growl.

“Oh, she’s going to eat you alive,” Azriel agreed, cheerfully.

“Fuck, I hope so,” Cassian said. “I had god damn wolf eyes the entire time I was alone with her, probably could have transformed right there without the moon at all.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair again, words a tide overflowing. “She smells like open skies and bloody, deadly magic and the best sex ever. I honestly want to listen to her talk about curses and magic and work for the next century, just so I can learn how her brain works.”

Azriel guffawed, the traitor, watching the moment Cassian’s thoughts caught up with his mouth and he gaped in horror.

“Elain got you good,” His older brother said, still laughing as he clapped Cassian on the shoulder. “Truth potion in the chocolate. Welcome to being vetted by the Archeron sisters, baby brother.”

Cassian threw off his hand with a huff.

“But really,” Az went on, visibly fighting his mirth, “Did you not notice you’d somehow managed to scent her on the way here?”

He opened his mouth to deny it, because he wasn’t that much a prick- he’d just met Nesta, it didn’t matter that she was it for him, he didn’t have any claim on her. But- in the woods, steadying her as she walked, catching her when she fell.

Her wrists, her elbow, even her neck as he’d pulled a leaf from her hair. Bright moon take him, Cassian had gone for her pulse points without even realizing it. It even made sense if he was thinking about it rationally.

From the moment he appeared, his wolf had been right on the surface. Cassian hadn’t been focused on anything but Nesta and safety, the moon intoxicating above them. Awareness of himself, of the rest of the world, hadn’t trickled back to him until they’re emerged from the trees.

Of course he’d made an utter ass of himself.

Light streaked across fields and hills, birds beginning to break up the silence. He could smell the disarming sweetness of enchanted flowers in the distance, blood and salt for the power on the land. But also something that he wanted to just call wildness- elemental magic, harnessed by witches with old blood who belonged to a wolf pack, guarded by a dragon.

This whole place was a dream made real, and Cassian wanted terribly to belong to it.

Cassian’s face must have been pitiable. “I bet Amren,” Azriel told him, smug even in his reassurance, “That the two of you would get along like a house on fire.”

@bon-bon-salvatore @strangeenemy @sannelovesreading @maddieimhot @ladyvanserra @rhysand-darling @empress-ofbloodshed @highfaenesta @marianaftm @illyrianinterrasen @tntwme @the-smoldering-illyrian-beauty @jahelyden @sjmasstrash @rairrai @rhysanoodle @a-trifling-matter @eastside-divebar @happy-smiling-things @missanniewhimsy @abillionlittlepieces @poisonous00 @macomafastraash @sunsummoner @vampwitchel @symwinter @acotarfanfic @rapunzel1523 @the-regal-warrior @wolffrising @tswaney17 @they-call-me-cuatro @queenofillea1 @neverlandoftimespacefuckery

[sarah-bae-maas]

A Court of Hearts and Darkness Chapter Thirty Five - The Finale

It’s been over a century since the epic and bloody war against Hybern, but a new, unprecedented horror lies in wait to threaten everything the Inner Circle holds dear.

At a mere 17, it seems that the only one who can save them is the Heir to the Night Court, Feyre and Rhysand’s daughter Eleana, but as a creature so vile promises to kill everyone she loves, she must combat the urge to succumb to the darkness herself. The key to success lies hidden within her mate, the bastard born Kaden, who is as oblivious to the bond as her Court is oblivious to the war on the horizon.

With the help of her cousin and warrior Felix, the son of the famed Nesta and Cassian, they will try to save everything they hold dear, hopefully before the darkness takes them all.

(This fic was written pre-acowar, so please bear in mind there are some small differences but it can still hopefully be enjoyed!)

Link on Ao3 Masterlist

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***

-The Final Chapter- 

-Chapter 35-

Kaden was attending a funeral.

He decided to come alone. No one but Azriel knew he was here, and he preferred it to be that way. He was wearing his finest suit, the one he had worn to his cousin Talysa’s wedding. He shed no tears, not like the many mourners around him. Not even as their bodies were lowered onto the pyres, not even as the ceremonious fire consumed their bodies and returned them to the earth from which they came.

It had been a week since the war had ended. In that time, both Felix and Eleana had their birthdays. Felix had once told him of the book he had made for Eleana stashed under his bed, and it gave Kaden an immeasurable joy to watch him give it to her in person.

In that time, High Lord Rhysand had given Kaden something he had never had before - power. The queen was dead, but there were still creatures roaming the land and skies, and Kaden, with his own team of warriors and his acute tracking magic, would hunt and kill them all. It just so happened that Kaden could not think of anyone better for the task than the Elite and handed the job right off to Felix. His brother had laughed, chastising Kaden for his stupidity. Felix couldn’t see, how did Kaden expect him to track those bloody creatures? So the Elite, albeit temporarily, were his.

And in that time, Kaden had gained a parent.

Felix came and found him the day after his battle with the queen. He came bounding into the house with Nesta guiding him, the woman looking windswept and terrified. She kept muttering never again, and Kaden didn’t even want to know how Felix had managed to fly them here without sight. Kaden was in Eleana’s room, they were having a well-deserved cuddle in bed, when Felix burst in, nearly pushed over the dresser, and demanded he winnow them to the Day Court that very instant.

Kaden threw a pillow at his head so hard that it knocked him back a step, but did as he asked, telling Eleana he would be home soon.

He didn’t know why they were going to the Day Court, only that Felix wanted them back at the High Lord’s palace. Kaden, figuring this had something to do with Felix’s research, obliged.

High Lord Helion looked unsurprised at their appearance, and took one look at Felix and said, “You know where to go.”

“Ah, actually I don’t. As you can see, I can’t see.” He grinned from ear to ear after that, and the look on Helion’s face when he’d realised what he’d said was priceless.

A servant showed them the way up to a high turret. It was in Helion’s personal wing but far from anyone else. They knocked on the door, and when Kaden entered he saw himself.

He saw his eyes, his hair, his skin, his height.

When he looked at this woman, he knew who she was. There was no doubt in his mind.

“H-how?” he gasped.

She looked at him like he was a book she was trying to translate.

“You must be her. D-Denora Ana. A woman called Elain once told me your name.”

She smiled but said nothing. She approached the two Illyrian males, stopping when she was eye level with Kaden’s impressive height. Kaden had never met someone taller than he, but she had half an inch on him.

“I knew this boy would bring my baby back to me.” She’d ran her hand through Kaden’s hair. “My only baby boy, I missed you.”

Kaden put his hands on her shoulders, too shocked to do anything else. “I – I missed you too.”

Den reminded him a lot of Morrigan – if Morrigan had been thousands of years older and a famed historian. Den said Kaden was free to call her whatever he wanted, and when he tentatively called her mother, she squealed with glee and declared it his first word. She had walked him around the Day Court, buying him food and peppering him with questions. She also shared some of her own adventures, including how she knew Helion.

“Oh yes! My little little star star. He is my brother’s son. Or, my brother’s son’s son’s son’s son’s son’s son. Lots of sons, and then there is Helion! If he isn’t careful, you could inherit his magic.”

“Pardon?”

“The blood that runs in his veins is the same that runs in yours. You are the nephew of my brother, who was High Lord of Day Court. He is long gone now, but he wasn’t like me, he had many children who had many children of their own. You are my only baby.”

When he returned, Felix was sulking in Den’s chambers. When they entered, Felix sighed dramatically. “I was hoping Helion would have pity sex with me. But nope, still a no-go.”

“Mind your language you scoundrel. You’re in the presence of my mother.”

Kaden had gone back every day since to see her. Usually, they just walked. She’d had such a long, rich life, intertwined closely with the Day and Winter Courts. One day, Morrigan came with her, and when Kaden introduced her as the woman who had been caring for her like a mother in Den’s absence, Den cooed and thanked Morrigan profusely, saying she knew they were friends after all. It was strange, having the two women together. Den made Morrigan look like a child. Even High Lord Rhysand was young in comparison to her. There was no one else in Prythian who matched her age with the exception of Amren. But Kaden wasn’t about to bring the subject of her up.

The day Kaden found out he gained a parent was the day he found out he lost one.

His lips were turning blue from the cold as he watched his father’s corpse honoured by those around him. His eyes were dry while he listened to the prayer songs of the Illyrians as four of his brothers joined his father. Azriel had told him when he’d first returned from the Day Court.

And now he was here.

Kaden touched his magic, the familiar grey veil shadowing the world as he looked to the Other Side.

His father, Leeam, Jakob, Alec and Damion were nowhere to be seen. Either their spirits had moved on, or they were still wandering the bloody plains where they had died.

Mikael, now the Lord of their camp, stood with his wife and children, his face grave. Mikael missed them. They were truly a loving family – but never to Kaden. No, Kaden was nothing but an inconvenient stain they could never remove.

Mikael met his gaze from across the pyres, the only thing separating them snow and flame.

Kaden turned away. The funeral wasn’t over, but Kaden was done.

////

Eleana stared at the assorted tapestries draping across the walls. They were all red with bright, yellow flowers adorning them. They covered what would have been a wall of windows and were stark against the white carpet. The chair she was sitting on was the same yellow as Felix’s house, and it gave her a weird sense of comfort, even if the seat itself was lumpy.

“Lady Eleana, there is no shame in being here. Healing for the mind is just as important as healing for the body,” the older female healer said, sitting in her own chair across the room with a pen and notepad in her hand.

“I don’t feel shame,” Eleana said. “I’m just not sure what to say.”

“Where would you like to start?”

“I’ve talked about what happened before, but only with my mate. He’s the most understanding person I know, and he’s been so supportive through all this.”

The healer smiled. “How did you meet him?”

Kaden wasn’t what Eleana expected to be speaking about while here, but she was glad to talk of a softer topic. “I have a habit of letting my magic guide me when I’m tired. Sometimes, I close my eyes and just walk, and I always end up where I need to be. The Illyrians at my camp had seen it for years, but Kaden was new. He saw me and asked if I was alright. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen.” Eleana laughed slightly. “If we hadn’t been interrupted by my cousin I know we would have done devilish things together that night. I knew that day. It was like being hit with a battering ram.”

“And he knew also?”

“No, actually. He’s known for only a few weeks.”

“How did that make you feel?”

Eleana went into the long story of her and Kaden’s relationship – the incredible highs, and the times where it felt like it would never happen at all. She spoke of the first time they’d danced together, the matching crowns the suriel had given them, the day she was taken by the Colloden and how he had saved her. It was a tale to rival the ones she read in her trashy erotica novels, but she loved it anyway and wouldn’t change a thing. Her story ended with her feelings on sex, and how even though she was as attracted to him as ever, her body just wanted to be by itself for a little while.

“That’s completely normal, Lady Eleana,” the healer said. “From the brief details you have provided me on the events of this month, you have gone through a serious trauma.” The healer went on to explain some more, even going as so far as to give her a book on assault recovery, and then asked about Felix. “Why don’t we take this piece by piece? Ease into it, if you will.”

So, Eleana talked of her cousin next, and by the time she was done telling that story her appointment was over. She would be back at least once a week though, more if things got to be too much for her

She left the room and walked down a hallway. In the foyer, both her parents were waiting. She greeted them with a tired smile, she was always tired these days, and her father put his arm around her shoulder as they walked. Her mother handed her chocolate, which Eleana thankfully took.

“How are you?” Her mother asked.

“I’m doing okay.”

/////

Kaden felt like he was Felix’s official escort. Wherever he went, Felix was never far behind. A month after the war, Kaden was still visiting his mother every day. It was usually at night, his days filled with tactics planning with the Elite and assorted High Lords who were assembling their own teams. Kaden got up early, ate with Eleana, went to work, went to the Day Court, then returned to his love. It was still surreal to him, that she was there when he got back, and he wished he could take her to the Day Court.

But that was unlikely to happen anytime soon.

Eleana had not even attempted to leave the Night Court yet when banishment orders started coming in. The Winter Court was the first, written officially. Some were just simple letters, Like Glaslane’s, that said not to come for the time being. Receiving that one had hurt Eleana the most. And angered Felix the most. The Illyrian demanded that Kaden take him there. He did, and then witnessed the screaming match of the century.

Even Lucien had succumbed to the pressure. At first, he wasn’t going to, even if the other High Lord’s made a pact that they would, but Eleana told him to just do it. It’s not like she went there often anyway, and this way at least he could feel better.

High Lord Rhysand was increasingly furious with every order sent. He went to every Court, but they all said the same thing. Their people are scared, and until they’re not, Eleana can’t come.

Kaden felt like he should raise the topic with Helion, but the two barely knew each other, even if it had been revealed that they were technically related.

When Kaden and Felix came to the palace, they were surprised to see Helion and Den waiting for them. Both had heavy fur coats on, and a smile was plastered on Den’s face.

“My cloud!” She greeted them both with kisses to the cheeks. “Helion, this is my son and his mate, Felix.”

“No, mother, Eleana is my mate. Felix is her cousin.”

She looked at them dubiously. “Are you sure?”

Felix was snickering silently beside him, and Kaden elbowed him. Hard.“Very sure. Shall we walk?”

“Yes, and as we walk I would like you to tell me where your mate is. Why does she never come?”

Kaden avoided looking at Helion, but Felix, gutsy as ever, grabbed his elbow as they started to walk.

“Please, Kaden, do explain why Eleana never comes with us,” he drawled.

Helion was clearly uncomfortable with the line of questioning and forewent answering. Instead, he said, “We have started altering the official family trees. Soon, Kaden will be added to them all. We also made an official decree of his heritage and declared his citizenship as you asked, Denora.”

Kaden stumbled slightly. “You announced what about me?”

“Denora asked that we tell the other Courts who you were. It was quite confusing for them, they only knew you as the male from the Night Court that saved the mortal realm. I’m not sure they even know of your relationship to Lady Eleana.”

Kaden looked away and just kept walking forward. The roads were slick with melted snow. His mother walked through it like an expert. It was hard for him to remember that although they looked nearly the same age, she had thousands of years on him. She often referred to him as an infant, and he guessed in a way he was.

It was still very, very strange though. He loved the woman before him, could cry every time he thought of the sacrifices she made to have him, and yet…

Did it make him evil that he felt Lady Morrigan was more his mother?

Maybe he was just crazy. He barely knew either one of them. And Den clearly loved him very much. He should be more grateful.

“I’m happy you’re here,” he felt the need to tell her.

“I’m happy you’re here too,” she replied.

As they walked, Kaden noted something he had the past few times but never thought to bring up. He pointed to Helion’s palace in the distance. It looked to have holes in it, so you could see straight through to the other side and watch the grey clouds. They were giant mirrors, but once inside they acted as windows.

He turned to his mother and asked what the glass was.

“Oh, it’s very special,” she told him. “Outrageously expensive, but there is nothing more beautiful. I have seen homes built entirely of the stuff, and it’s like looking at a piece of the sky on land.”

Her words sparked a vision.

A house. Near the ocean, a few storeys tall and sprawling. A large garden with multiple courtyards. A greenhouse. A treehouse. Green grass everyone until you hit the golden sand of the beach. A house made of a glass that you can’t see in. A house, that if lived in, would let you feel like you’re outside all the time.

Never trapped, the way Eleana sometimes felt.

Kaden was going to build his mate a home.

/////

“So, I was thinking.” Kaden skirted up behind Eleana at the grocers, kissing her neck and wrapping his arms around her middle.

“Hm, what were you thinking?” The smile she gave him made his knees shake.

“Me. You. Dinner on the Sidra. No Felix, no parents, just us and an unreasonable amount of food.”

She picked up a bag of apples and added it to her basket. Today, when they had woken up in Kaden’s bed, they decided they were going to pretend that they were normal. Not an heir or a bastard, no wars, just a couple who needed to do normal, fae things.  

“That sounds nice. Are we celebrating anything?”

They walked as one unit, making Eleana laugh and passersbys look at them with weird expressions.

“It’s been a month. Since the war ended. And nearly a week since you’ve had a nightmare.”

It was truly something to celebrate. The High Lord had informed him that they had been some of the worst he had seen. There were constant wards on the house to protect its infrastructure, and usually either Rhysand or Feyre stayed awake during the night, even if Kaden was also with her. Kaden was under no illusion that he didn’t need the help. After seeing them in real time, Kaden finally understood why Eleana wasn’t allowed to sleep without her parents or aunts and uncles around. He was slowly learning how to help her, but he also needed her parents guidance.

The healer she had been speaking to this past month seemed to be helping though. Eleana wasn’t as… empty. Hesitant. She now let him kiss her, put his arms around her, and she was making delightfully steady progress.

She went twice a week, and Kaden used that time to speak to estate agents and architects. No one knew, not even Felix, but he would bring his friend along when it came time to tour land. Felix’s sight may not be healed quite yet, and it really made Kaden work hard in describing things, but they were getting there. Either way, Felix would be good support, and he knew Eleana better than anybody.

Eleana looked thoughtful, and not about the peaches that she was holding at eye level.

“Should we hire a babysitter for Felix? Whatever will he do without us.”

Kaden’s laugh was obnoxiously loud, and he had to smother himself in Eleana’s shoulder to quieten down.

“Maybe he’ll go to the Day Court without me. He’s awfully enamoured by Helion, barely leaves my side if it means I’ll soon be in the Day Court.”

Eleana twisted in his arms to face him. “Maybe he’s attracted to Denora. Have you considered that?”

Kaden’s face went slack. “Surely he would never.”

Eleana shrugged.

Kaden winnowed away, only to return a minute later after having his head smacked by Felix for suggesting such a ludicrous thing.

Eleana only laughed at the look on his face.

_____

Kaden wasn’t kidding about the unreasonable amount of food.

They’d had five courses so far with another three on the way, and Eleana was so full she was thought her stomach might actually burst. It had gotten to the stage where it was making unhealthy noises, but she had no intentions of stopping now.

Kaden was telling her another story he’d learnt from Den, this one about the incredibly complicated family history he shared with the Winter and Day Court.

“All I’m saying is that Helion needs to hurry about and have children because apparently there’s a very real chance that if he dies, I’ll get his magic. And that’s a no from me.” He lifted a bowl of soup to his mouth and drank heavily.

“You don’t want to be High Lord?”

He shook his head. “I have zero qualifications for a position in anything. Hell, I’ve lived every moment until the last two months in a tent. I’m not cut out for being a High Lord, and nobody wants me to be one.”

He said it jokingly, but Eleana took his words very seriously.

“I want you to be High Lord,” she deadpanned.

Kaden sputtered slightly. “Pardon?”

“This isn’t something I like thinking about, but when the time comes and I’m High Lady? I would want you to be my High Lord.”

Kaden nearly said there was a chance that she wouldn’t become High Lady, but he tasted the lies on his tongue before he even said it. Even if Rhysand and Feyre had more children, there was no chance a sibling would inherit the title. Eleana was a textbook example on the signs of becoming a High Lord. Granted, a woman had never inherited the magic, but Eleana was different. She always had been, and she would definitely be the first inherently High Lady.

Kaden had never considered the possibility that she wanted more for him.

“I – there is nothing about me that would make me a good High Lord. My bloodline-”

“Is irrelevant. My mother was human. Besides, were you not just telling me about your new, fancy family? The son of a Lord in the Night Court and the cousin to the current High Lord of the Day Court.”

“Well… you got me there.”

She grinned at him.

They ate for a few more hours, the conversation flowing better than it had in weeks. It was simple, easy, and there were no pressing issues they had to deal with nor cataclysmic event to take up their time. It was like the two months between the beginning of their official relationship starting and when they were, mortifyingly, caught by Feyre.

It was also their first date in a while, and as Eleana looked at him, she felt her stomach flutter. She never stopped loving him, not for a single moment. If anything, it had grown while she was away.

The thing was, Eleana felt like she had a hundred years on him. She had a century of loving and missing him, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. She knew that no one really understood what she meant when she said it felt like so much longer than a fortnight, but Mother,the feelings she had for this male in front of her…

She’d had a hundred years of loving someone she was convinced she would never see again.

And it was so much sometimes that she couldn’t bare it.

She woke up next to him and often didn’t know if it was real or not. It wasn’t until he spoke to her that she knew that she was hereagain.

His hair shimmered from the white fae lights scattered around the restaurant. His cheeks were pink from the cold air slinking in from the window next to them, and his lips plump from the food they had been consuming for the last two hours.

She stood up on the tips of her toes, bracing her hands on the mahogany table as she leant over. She kissed his pink lips once, and upon seeing the delighted surprise in his eyes, kissed him again. Deeper, smoother, more than she had since the Bloodrite. Inappropriately, given they were in a public space.

He didn’t seem to care though, not as his hands gently cupped her cheeks, his thumbs smoothing over her cheekbones.

Her heart raced at the action, at the taste of wine on his tongue and the feeling of his nose bumping hers. She could feel his kiss in every inch of her skin – and she knew she was alive.

When they parted, her face was hot and chest heaving. She sat back down, dizzy. She lifted the glass of wine to her face to hide her wide smile.

They ate for another hour. The time was filled with laughter and happiness, and both left brighter than when they had come in. It was snowing like there was no tomorrow, and they huddled together as they went to Eleana’s favourite book store. Neither was ready to go home yet, and there were a few titles Eleana wanted to check out.

It was much warmer in the store, and the attendant took their coats and hung them, leaving Kaden and Eleana to browse. Eleana showed him her favourite books, and Kaden even picked up a few sequels to ones she had already read. He also found a large book full of compositions for the piano, ones he had neither heard nor seen, so he added that to the pile he wished to purchase.

While browsing more sheet music, Eleana put her hand in his back pocket.

“Would it be wilding inappropriate to make out right now?” she asked.

Kaden rested his stack of books on a shelf, taking care that none of them would fall, before turning to her.

“Probably.”

He kissed her.

/////

Kaden felt like a very dutiful husband. Here he was, cooking and cleaning the house he never had a chance to move into while Felix sat on the couch with some juice and scones.

“I’m feeling delicate today,” Felix said.

“No you don’t, you just want me to leave so you can get up to your old, scandalous ways. Well sorry Sunshine, you asked me to move in and now I’m here.”

Felix snorted.

Kaden lifted Felix’s feet so he could wipe the table they were propped on. “This house has more dust than a library.”

“We haven’t been here in two months, what did you expect?” He slurped his drink.

“I don’t know. I expected it to be self-cleaning or something.”

“Are there houses that can do that?”

“Fucked if I know, I’ve never really had one. Move your ass, I need to fluff the pillows.”

“Yes, your majesty, whatever you please.”

Felix stood and scooted away until he felt the bench. He leaned on it, yawning loudly.

He still had black patches covering both his eyes, but the healing was going well. His injuries were far more extensive than originally thought though, hence the long, agonising healing sessions. Unbeknownst to them, not only had the light from Kaden’s magic seared his vision, but so had the magic itself. If it had just been the light, Felix would have been better by now. Because it was more? Felix would likely need lenses the rest of his life. Kaden had already found some rather dapper ones he thought his friend might like, and even went as far as to have a woman High Lord Lucien knew rig them so they were even better than the best of glass. He’d had to use his mother’s name for that favour – apparently, most Courts valued her knowledge greatly. Being her son not only got him better glasses for Felix, but it had also given him an invitation to dine at the other Courts.

All of them. Officially. As if he were a noble.

Kaden declined on the basis that he only travelled with his mate. They said she was welcome, until he told them who she was. They shut up pretty quickly after that.

“Why can’t we just meet this guy at Velaris?” Felix perked his brow. “Unless this is a sex thing. Are you surprising me with an orgy? I have strict rules, but it’s been so long-”

“You are insufferable and I don’t know why we’re friends.” Kaden made the pillows look especially dainty for this meeting, wanting to make a good impression.

The person coming over was a fae who sold land on others’ behalf. He was coming to start proposing estates to Kaden.

“Because if Eleana saw me with a stranger, she would ask questions I’m not prepared to answer.”

“She wouldn’t be mad that you have plans with someone other than her.”

“I don’t want to lie to her. Omission doesn’t seem as bad as that.”

“I can’t fault your logic on that,” Felix said as there was a hard knock on the door.

Kaden grabbed Felix and sat him down before opening to greet the agent.

He was a portly man, nearly two feet shorter than Kaden. His hair was mousey and skin pale. His eyes were beady, and he was wearing a suit.

Kaden was wearing his leathers, as was Felix.

“Hello, Lord Kaden. I assume I am at the right house. You were not exaggerating its… colourful features.”

“Yes, yes, please come in. And please, just Kaden is fine.”

“Does Eleana call you Lord Kaden in bed? I would.”

“Holy hell Felix shut up,” Kaden hissed.

The agent looked up his nose at him, and Kaden smiled apologetically. “Please, take a seat. Can I offer you any refreshments?”

“A water would be appreciated, sir,” he drawled. “May I set up on the table?”

“Yes, please, that would be great, thank you.”

“Can I know yet what these plans are?” Felix asked, his knee bouncing impatiently.

“Any client information is confidential unless otherwise stated,” the agent answered.

“You can tell him anything,” Kaden said.

The male started to lay maps out on the table. There were areas marked with blue circles, and he placed small, painted cards next to each highlighted location. The cards had little paintings on them – samples of what the properties looked like. The agent started explaining the process of buying and asked many questions to help narrow down Kaden’s search.

He asked how far he wanted to be from the city, the acreage, whether he wanted a pre-existing home and so on, and with every question Felix looked more confused.

“Kaden, what are you up to?”

“I’m going to build Eleana a home, and you’re going to help me.”

“What?” He had a bare hint of a smile.

“I’m going to build us a home, then I’m going to surprise her with it.”

“Awh, Kaden, congratulations.” Felix stood and opened his arms. Kaden gave him a tight hug, patting him on the back.

Felix leaned over the table and took in the map. “Wow, that one looks really beautiful.”

“Which one is that?” Kaden said, looking down to see what he saw.

“That black one there. Looks mint to me.”

“The day you run out of blind jokes is the day I’ll be truly happy again.”

“Not the day I get my sight back? Tsk, how rude.”

Kaden groaned, and apologized to the agent again.

Off the bat he was able to cull half the properties. Nothing inland, it had to be on the coast, and there couldn’t be any existing structures. You had to be able to see Velaris, even if it was from a distance, and there had to be enough room for a very large house as well as multiple, expansive gardens.

By the end, there was a list of about six properties. All met Kaden’s specifications and were in his budget – thanks to High Lord Rhysand’s very generous pay checks – and the few drawings of them seemed nice enough. He thanked the agent profusely before setting dates to tour them all. He made sure Felix was available and made them on days where he would usually be visiting his mother so Eleana wasn’t suspicious to his whereabouts.

It was slowly but surely coming together.

/////

Eleana was alone when she woke up. She propped herself up on her elbow, Kaden’s piano and dresser blurry as her eyes adjusted to the waking world. The spot beside her was cold and she couldn’t hear noises from his bathroom. She starfished on the bed. She groaned, not wanting to get up yet, but forced herself to roll out of his very, very comfortable bed.

Wiping at her eyes, she went to look for him downstairs. Mor and Azriel were usually out by this time, so she didn’t have to worry about awkwardly running into either of them.  The one thing she adored about their house was the carpet. It was lush and fluffy, making her feet feel like they were walking on a cloud and safe from the cold that covered her arms in goosebumps. When she went into the hall, she smelt freshly baked she-didn’t-even-know-what. She burst into the dining room expecting to see her mate, to be met with the welcoming calls of her family.

Every single one of them.

She stared at them wide eyed while thanking the Mother that she’d had the good sense to put pants on.

“Hello.” Kaden exited from the kitchen. He had ovenmits on and an apron the was adorably too small. He held a large plate of staked pancakes and popped them on the table before greeting her with a kiss to the forehead.

“Hello. What’s going on?” It’s not that Eleana wasn’t happy to spend her morning with her family, she was just awfully suspicious every time they came around unannounced. It usually didn’t end in good news.

“Today’s a good day,” Kaden told her. He put a hand on her back, guiding her to a free seat next to Felix.

She peered out the window. There was a raging blizzard outside, making it seem like it was still dark even if the sun had risen. Felix was still blind, she still couldn’t be properly intimate with Kaden, her mother and father were still walking on eggshells around her – supportive, loving eggshells, but eggshells all the same – and she was still not talking to Azriel.

It was like every other day, and she couldn’t think of why it would be exceptional.

“Why?”

He beamed at her. “Today is the one-year anniversary of one of the best days of my life.”

She cocked her head. Her family had conveniently started a loud conversation and weren’t looking their way.

“Today, my dark rose, is the day I met you.”

Her confused frown slowly grew to a smile. “Really?”

“Really. I made a note of it last year. I had a feeling it would be important.”

She placed her finger tips to her lips in disbelief. “A whole year?”

“A whole year. And personally, I feel like it’s an occasion all of Prythian should be celebrating, but just our family will do. For now.”

Eleana was in awe as they sat down and started helping themselves to the mountain of food Kaden had made with Felix’s guidance.

A whole damn year since he’d found her.

That meant a year since she’d their near-first kiss, the first time they danced together, when Felix nearly died, when she had, and lost her wings in the process. When Kaden had sent her all those letters that kept her sane during one of the most harrowing times of her life. A year ago today she met the love of her life, her mate, her everything. It was indeed a good day.

Until she had a thought.

“But wait,” she said loud enough for the whole table to glance her way. She had even gotten Thea’s attention.

She turned her body towards Kaden’s. “You were twenty a year ago. And by all accounts you are still twenty. Holy Mother Kaden we didn’t celebrate your birthday.”

Mor dropped her cutlery and gasped. Felix swore under his breath. Everyone was so mortified when they realised that when Quathryn copied her brother’s foul words no one chastised her.

Kaden just laughed.

_____

“We have to do something to make it up to him.” Eleana was furiously washing the dishes. After much shock, Kaden had explained that his birthday was a non-event to him, hence why he never mentioned turning twenty-one.

But Eleana felt dastardly. Especially when he had been so kind to her on her birthday. He had given her a note book – this beautiful, embossed leather – and every day before she woke up he would write her a note. The letters he had once written for her were already stuck into it, and he told her for every day that he lived her would write for her. Sometimes it was anecdotes, music he would later play for her, reminders of his love, and she had gotten him nothing.

“I feel like an arse,” Felix said, taking the dripping plate from her and drying it.

“You’re not the one sleeping with him.”

“Neither are you.”

She smacked him over the head. “Mind your own business.”

Soon, soon she would feel better. Surely.

And then they would have that night.

The ‘we survived the impossible and now will have the best sex of our lives’ night.

A male cleared their voice from behind them, and Eleana and Felix both blushed when they saw Azriel leaning against the bench with his arms crossed.

He pointed to the cloth Felix was holding. “Mind if I take over?”

Azriel approached Felix, clapping him on the shoulder. Felix nodded, handing over the towel and leaving without a word. They may be on fine terms again, but Eleana wasn’t.

They worked in silence, Eleana much looser on her definition of clean now that she was in a rush. It’s not that she didn’t love her uncle still, she was just still confused and hurt. And awkward.

“I’m sorry, Laya,” he finally said.

She didn’t reply.

“You were right, I do owe you an explanation. It’s one I’ve given Kaden a thousand times to earn the forgiveness he gives too easily, and that should have been something I extended to you. Especially after you trusted me with so much.”

So he talked. He tried to make her understand his actions. It wasn’t easy for her to comprehend, but what she did know was that he had always looked after her, been a trusted confidant, and him leaving Kaden when he was a child did not mean that one day he would leave the rest of them.

Even if she could not understand him, she could sympathise with his point of view.

They talked long after the dishes were done. They were never interrupted, even though they could hear the chatter of everyone as they remained in the house to wait out the snow.

And by the end, she said, “Okay.”

His eyes glistened, and his hands reached for hers. “I missed you, Laya. I’m so glad you’re home.”

/////

The room wasn’t pitch black this time. Usually, they met with the healer in the darkest room so she could control the light, limiting the pressure on Felix’s eyes as she tried to heal them. If the smell was anything to go by, the room was once a storage room.

But today, they were in your average room. White walls. Rectangular windows. Brown timber floors.

Kaden had never been so happy to be average.

The healer eased the patches from Felix’s eyes, her expert hands completely steady.

Felix blinked and squinted at the light, and Eleana had to hold his hands so they didn’t reflexively cover his face.

The healer made him open them wider, and little tendrils of magic left her fingers and probed at the injury. She hummed as she worked. Usually, the room would be filled with Felix’s screams, but they had been told in their last session that there was no more she could do. From here on in, it would be about check-ups and maintenance as they waited to see if Felix’s eyes would heal more on their own.

“You’re doing well,” she said.

“What progress has been made?” Amren asked.

The older female didn’t usually come to the appointments. But over the passing months, Kaden had noticed her popping up wherever he was. She would be at Azriel’s for dinner, would come hunting with him and the Elite to ‘observe,’ she even once crashed a date with Eleana. His mate didn’t mind – she had no idea what Amren thought of him, but Kaden was getting increasingly frustrated. He had nothing to hide – except he did. At least once a week he told everyone he was going to the Day Court when in reality he was galivanting the Night Court looking for the perfect property. She was looking to catch him lying, and this was his only one. He knew that she would use it to his detriment.  

The healer looked grim at Amren’s question. “There is no change.”

Kaden shook his head. Eleana reached out her hand, and he came to her side and Felix’s back. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he used one hand to grip Felix’s sleeve and the other to wrap around her waist.

“Is this it then?” Felix wasn’t as forlorn as the rest of them by the news, in fact, he was smirking.

“We’ll try one more time. If there’s nothing to note again I’ll call it.”

Felix squinted at her, then turned his head to look at Kaden and Eleana. “This is good news!” he rejoiced. “I can still see, I’ll just need some help. This is a much better outcome than we all originally thought there would be.”

His words rang true, but Kaden still felt guilt surge through him. He had near blinded his brother, and he was too damn nice to admit it.

“I’m sorry.” Kaden’s voice was so thick with emotion that the words were barely more than a whisper.

“I don’t know what for, but I forgive you. Whatever wrong you think you’ve ever done to me, I forgive you.”

The healer reapplied his eye patches and left them. Eleana thanked her profusely for her work before helping Felix to his feet. Kaden put his arm around Felix, walking with him and Eleana out of the office and in the direction of the Rainbow.

The cold air had started to shift in spring, and puddles littered walkways. Children were about, splashing each other and squealing with delight. Eleana used the water to make little animals, and the children howled with laughter as the water-animals raced after them as they ran around. They saw her, and one little girl – so trusting were the fae in this safe city – pulled on Eleana’s skirts and asked for more more more.

Eleana obliged, and they stopped on their way to dinner to give the children a little magic show.

Eleana made a star chart with the water. Kaden, having worked on his magic everyday while hunting the creatures, had started to master the more unusual aspects of his magic. With the golden light that he could now manipulate for anyone to see, he lit Eleana’s stars, making them glow in the evening light, to the awe of not just the children but also many fae nearby.

Felix quite enjoyed himself, even if he couldn’t see the spectacle.

After an hour or so, and much to the dismay of the children, they continued on. They intended to get a few drinks to celebrate the slow return of Felix’s vision, but Eleana detoured to the bookstore with Felix. Kaden continued on, saying he would find a place for them all and summon her when he did.

Amren was on him like a shadow.

He didn’t say a word to her, just did as he said he would. She would speak her mind eventually.

“Who is that fae,” she demanded while Kaden was browsing menus.

“You’ll have to be more specific than that,” he said merrily, so that he might unnerve her just a bit.

“That short man that looks like an undertaker.”

The agent he was using to look at land. He wondered when Amren had seen them together and didn’t want to think of how she must have followed him either to camp or to his appointments. If her confusion was anything to go by, she must have seen them together in Illyria.

“I know many short males.”

She sunk her fingers into the back of his neck like claws, a few fae turning in worry at the sound of his pained grunt. Amren dragged him away, some fae standing but looking at a loss as they recognized Amren.

He refrained from growling as she shoved him into a wall in an alley. As she released her grip on him and stood in a fighting position in front of him, he touched the back of his neck. Blood coated his fingers and he swore. He would heal quickly, but he could feel it seeping into his collar and down his back.

“What the fu-”

“You need to leave.”

“Excuse me?”

“Have you not damaged her enough? I don’t know what vendetta you have against this family but I will kill you if you hurt her again. But Eleana is too risky with Rhys and Feyre here. So, who’s next? Will you murder Felix again? Mor? Maybe your confidence has been shaken and you’ll go after defenceless Thea.”

Kaden spat at her feet, the most ungentlemanly thing he had ever done. “I have done no wrong.”

“Even you admitted that you blinded Felix. And Mother knows you’ve made little to no progress on the creatures. You haven’t even given Rhys your estimate report on how many you think are left. Deflecting?”

He snarled at her but didn’t move. “I’m not even going to bother replying to you. You think I did something wrong? Go tell High Lord Rhysand and High Lady Feyre. And fuck it, you have strong ties with the Summer Court go tell High Lord Tarquin too. I know who I am, and so do they. I find it insulting that you think Eleana would be gullible enough to fall for the schemes of a lowly male.”

Amren bared her teeth at him but stepped back. He’d heard the stories about her, but she hadn’t been swinging fists the way she used to for decades.

He hated speaking to her with such disrespect, but her words just made him boil in anger. It made him wonder at what point he’d become so soft – he’d heard much worse from his late brothers.

Somehow, his integrity was the one thing this peculiar fae-Illyrian family never questioned about him, and the thought that that may have been compromised was infuriating.

“She fell for the schemes of a lowly queen.”

Red.

He saw red at her words, and if it hadn’t been for the look of regret on her face as she spat the words at him he may have made a grave mistake. Because he was a good man, but he was a good man freshly mated and people had died for doing less.

“How. dare. you. You will never say such hateful things again. I don’t care how much you spite me, but she.” Kaden cut off his own words, putting a fist to his mouth.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his stomach clenched at her words. It was the kind of sick you felt when you were so enraged by someone’s idiocy that you could spit fire at them.  

“If you’re so concerned about me, report me. Officially. Have an objective third party investigate me under General Cassian’s orders.”

He stalked off, shoving past her. The same concerned fae were lingering, and he gave them a reassuring smile.

Appetite and mood ruined, he flapped into the air, heading in the direction of Illyria, sending a quick message to Felix not to expect to see him for another day or two.

He was going hunting.

/////

Kaden and Eleana had been floating between her childhood home and Azriel and Mor’s. They always slept together, her back usually pushed to his warm chest with his arms around her. She said she liked the feeling of knowing he was everywhere, and by morning she had usually spun to press her face into the crook of his neck.

Kaden let her decide where to sleep. Wherever she was and wherever she felt most comfortable was where he would be. Even if it meant stumbling home covered in black blood and near collapsing in the shower from exhaustion.

Tonight, he slept like the dead. No dreams, no feeling, he couldn’t even remember his head hitting the pillow.

The only thing he knew was that he had been struck awake – physically struck.

He awoke gasping, his arm aching and his throat constricted. It felt tight, and he looked down in a panic to see that Eleana’s darkness was wrapped around his whole body. He couldn’t breathe, all he could do was reach out his pained arm and shake her.

She was limp. In a deeper sleep than she had been for months, Kaden didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t the first night Eleana had had a nightmare, but it was the first time she had done so when neither Rhysand nor Feyre were there to help. Her father had usually burst into the room before it escalated this far.

Kaden’s face was turning beet red, and his veins started to protrude from his forehead. He tried to yell, but his voice was nothing but sparse expels of air.

His magic burst from him, lighting the room and dissipating her darkness. He gulped in air, amazed at what he had just done. Never in his life had his light been able to keep her darkness at bay. By all accounts, no one had.

He didn’t spend longer than a few minutes on the thought, not when Eleana was next to him squirming. Her mouth was open as if she would speak, but when he straddled her to try and wake her up, she let out an excruciating scream.

It was so loud he had to cover his ears. He didn’t see it coming when her darkness whipped out, sending him flying backwards. He was lucky there were wards on her room, otherwise he would have gone crashing through her window.

He swore loudly, rushing back to her side. He tried to think of what Rhysand and Feyre did, but they had it down to a fine art. They had been doing this for years.

She was sobbing, and her arms flailed as she tried to stop an invisible attacker. Claws apparated on her hands, and her fangs grew an inch.

Wake up wake up wake up

He tried to yell through the bond that was still trying to repair itself. They had made little progress on it, neither worried because they could still feel the inklings of it. It was getting there, he could feel it at least, know she was alive and healthy, but that was about it.

She slashed at him unconsciously. He moved back quickly but was still nicked enough that he had to go to the bathroom and quickly wrap the cut. It wouldn’t need stitches, luckily, but both the High Lady and Lord had ended up with injuries that did.

His blood pooled in the sink as he tried to wrap the cut with one hand while increasingly frazzled.

He managed to do it. He turned back, but his eyes got caught on a bucket next to the door. Usually, they kept it for after in case Eleana needed to vomit, but tonight he would use it for something far more impractical.

He filled it with water – cold – and went back to her room. She had ripped the mattress to shreds and she had started to change forms. She must have been having one hell of a dream, hopefully this woke her up from it.

He poured the water over her face and torso and she woke up with a welch.

She spat out cold water over the side of the bed and kicked as she came to.

“What the fuck.”

“I’m sorry, it was the only way.”

He sat down next to her on the ruined mattress and brought her to his chest. She pushed away slightly, but only so that she had a good read on his face.

“You’re here,” she breathed.

“Yes, of course.”

“I could have – I could have sworn you were in Illyria, that your brothers in that damned Room-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here.”

A single tear slipped down her face. She shook her head slightly, as if she were trying to shake the dreams from her head.

“The Room. I haven’t dreamt of the Room since I met you. At least this was just a dream. You’re here, and that was just a dream. You’re okay. You’re alive.” She paused. “You’re bleeding.” Her fingers touched the bandage on his arm. She undid them, inspecting the damage she caused. Apologetic, she laid her hand over the wound until it was healed.

“I’m okay. Tell me about this Room. You’ve dreamt of it before?”

She levelled her gaze with his. “I don’t know if dreamt is the right word. I thought it was dreams, for the longest time we all did. If we had known the truth we would have done something.”

She was twiddling her thumbs.

Kaden slid one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders, picking her up. He took them to one of the guest rooms and sat her on the bed. He stripped her of her wet clothes and left only to get her a new pair. She slipped them on, and since it was only his shirt that was damp, he removed it and climbed into bed.

“What do you mean?” he asked her.

She smiled sadly. “It’s funny. If you mentioned the Room to anyone else they would know in a heartbeat.”

Kaden paused. “You don’t have to tell me.”

She crawled under the covers and lied facing him. “The Room is your room. There were signs, for years, that we were to be mated. I just didn’t know that until Talysa’s wedding.”

Kaden was confused but listened to her every word.

As always, their bed was a safe space. Whether it was one that belonged to them or one they borrowed, it was a haven.

And with that in mind, Kaden listened to Eleana as she told another story. This one wasn’t like her others, this one was about a little girl in a Room that saw and experienced inhumane crimes and injustices. Throughout the story, the girl grew. Her whole life was plagued with this Room. Her family tried desperately to protect her from it, but there was nothing they could do.

When she was seventeen, the dreams finally stopped. It was like she could rest easy for the first time. They had been far and few between by that age, but she was always scared that when she went to sleep the night terrors would return.

This girl attended a wedding with the man she was in love with, and he showed her his childhood room beforehand. Stepping in there was like leaving the waking world and entering her mind, and that is when she knew the truth.

Like her father had with her mother before her, she saw the life of her mate. Where her parents only had glimpses, she was so strongly tied to him that the bond – or maybe it was fate, or a magic unexplainable – showed her his life over a decade before they were to meet.

Kaden listened solemnly.

He felt…

Awful.

While she had been seeing him, he knew he had been seeing her. But while hers forced her to healers upon healers that couldn’t help, he saw Velaris. He didn’t really make the connection until now, the dancing and music more vivid than the landscape itself.

When she had finished, he pulled her in closely. He kissed her cheeks, her head, her nose, her lips.

And he thanked her. For the music. And because it was those dreams that made him want to dance. And if it had not been for that, and music, he would have given up a very long time ago.

“I love you. I love you I love you I love you,” he said over and over again.

/////

Kaden brought his sword down in a wide arc, cutting through the bellies of the three creatures attacking him. He made a mental note of their bodies. He was trying to make a cheat sheet to them, an encyclopedia on everything the queen cooked up with her magic, and the list was growing every time he went hunting. Turns out, he had barely seen anything over the past year – luckily, if one could even say that – he had already seen some of the worst, and that had somewhat prepared him.

The hunting had was going well, even if Amren insisted with hisses in his ear when no one else could hear that it wasn’t. It was also better now that winter was over, although spring did mean more foliage which meant more cover for cowering creatures.

He watched their pale pink bodies fall. Satisfied, he moved onto the next.

They had been here for about an hour, a large cluster gathering in the Summer Court’s rainforests. The Elite had been joined by a squadron made by Tarquin himself and they had yet to lose any lives.

Kaden kicked a creature, and rammed his sword through its throat, twisting, the head soon fell as the metallic scent of blood fixed with the damp, grassy smell of the forest around them. Sweat was sliding down his back, the air unbearably humid. The grass tickled his ankles and damn was he working his lungs hard.

“Clear!” a voice boomed.

“Clear!” followed another.

The soldiers fighting the creatures shouted as their areas were cleared and then checked. When Kaden had heard the voices of all the team leaders in the Elite, he shouted the word himself.

He gestured to two members. They collectively came over and collected the body and head of the last creature he killed, placing it in a wooden box they carried. They were taking home specimens to be studied by fae that specialized in this area, so that hopefully, in the event that something similar occurred again, they would be better prepared.

“Lord Kaden, I think you should come see this.”

The soldier was one he had only just met. Belonging to Tarquin, he was tall and dark skinned. His shoulders were broad and covered in tattoos, not dissimilar to the ones Kaden had as an Illyrian. He had fought in the Spring Court at the end of the war.

Kaden was glad he didn’t bring Felix; his best friend would have pounced on a male like this.

“Just a moment, I have to clear the area.”

“I’ll do it, Lord Kaden,” a young solider volunteered. If it had been Kaden’s choice, he wouldn’t have had someone so young, only fifteen, on his service, but he was here fighting alongside his brother and father. And that – well, that was something Kaden could sympathise with.

“Be careful. Check them all and remove their hearts. Remember to look above and below. Ask for help of you need it,” Kaden said sternly. “Your name, soldier?”

“Vetly.”

Kaden nodded and walked to the side of the first soldier. His hand was pushing aside the shrubbery to reveal dozens of broken eggs.

“Well, that explains the question of whether or not they can breed.” Next to the eggs were lizard looking things, slimy and cawing unnaturally. They were scattered in the under bush, and clearly still dependant on their mother.

“How shall we proceed?” asked the same handsome solider that summoned him.

“Take the offspring and add them to the box. Inform your High Lord about the findings and tell him to expect a full report from me by tomorrow. I’ll send the same report to the other Courts. This isn’t the best-case scenario, but it’s one we can handle.”

Kaden heaved a sigh. It felt like his lungs were wet. He was glad to be going home after this. They may have been here for an hour, but they’d been going since dawn. Before this was a town that had creatures living in the sewer and entering homes through the plumbing, but at least here there was no fae residences or towns in sight.

Kaden subtly tried to smell his under-arm. He wrinkled his nose; his scent was rank.

He was about to give the orders for everyone to go home, but a curdling scream stopped him.

He bolted in its direction and was horrified to find a creature wrapped around the leg of the young Vetly. Blood spurted everywhere, including over Kaden’s face as he quickly approached.

He was in strife. He had to get on his knees and palm two knives, and hack off the creature carefully so he didn’t cut the poor child.

When he finally got it off with the help of another Elite member, he flinched back and had to hold in his vomit.

The creature had taken his foot clean off. The bone was a just a shard sticking through bloody flesh and the smell was revolting in the heat of the Summer Court.

Kaden wrapped the wound tightly and winnowed him, leaving instructions for his family to meet him at the palace.

As they stepped onto the floor of the Summer palace, Vetly howling in pain, Kaden sent a prayer to the Cauldron that the boy would overcome this.

_____

“Kaden, I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to talk about what happened today.”

Kaden was making his and Eleana’s bed before she came home when the voice of High Lord Rhysand interrupted him. He tossed the pillow he was holding onto the spare bed they were still using and faced Rhysand.

“High Lord. I’ve included all the details in the report I sent to you about the offspring we found but excluded the amputation from what I sent to the other High Lords. I hope I did the right thing.”

“You did, definitely. It was good, very thorough.”

Kaden smiled awkwardly, shuffling his feet. He had barely spent time with the High Lord without Eleana at his side. Kaden still struggled in his presence. He had always been the highest authority to Kaden, long before he’d ever met the male’s daughter.

And although Kaden might now hold the title of Lord, that didn’t mean he connected with it.

“I want to make sure you’re okay.”

That was not the question Kaden was expecting.

“Pardon sir?”

“It’s come to my attention that you are the only one of our children that isn’t seeing a healer after the war. Cassian and Nesta even have someone that speaks to Quathryn just to make sure. Azriel isn’t one to broach the subject, but all the resources we have here are available to you. You needn’t worry about the cost or any stigma, Velaris is free of both.”

The High Lord spoke in the same tone that he’d heard grandfathers use on children and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He shuffled on his feet.

“Thank you, High Lord.”

“You really must stop calling me that. Just Rhys is fine. I do like you, you know. A lot. I think you’re very good for my daughter and nephew. And brother and cousin. Mor and Az adore you.” Rhysand stepped forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Which is why I want to make sure you’re all good. I know you’re better equipped at dealing with trauma than Felix and my young Butterfly, but you don’t have to bottle things in to maintain that image.”

Kaden looked at him wide-eyed. “Okay, yes sir.”

Rhysand laughed. “Come with me, I want you to tell me everything that happened today. I have whiskey if you need it, but also a delightful mint blend of tea. Your choice.”

Rhysand put his arm around Kaden’s shoulder and walked them to the door.

It was in no way passive aggressive, and Kaden could tell that the High Lord did just genuinely care. Which was strange. He had become so accustomed to being looked down upon that it was a shock when he wasn’t.

Kaden lost his family long before the war.

But maybe it had brought him a new one.

/////

“Are you ready?” asked the healer.

“Soready, you have no idea.”

For the last time, she peeled away Felix’s eye patches. He blinked and squinted and as his gaze met Eleana’s they both smirked.

“Look at how nice they look! You can’t even tell they were damaged,” Eleana told him.

He stood from his chair and hugged the healer. He patted her head, a trait he had inherited straight from his father, and moved to hug Eleana next.

She was utterly ecstatic that this was over. Felix’s sight, while not fantastic, was still good enough. As of now, she knew he could distinguish the pastel colours that made up the room. He knew where the furniture was but could not make out any detail nor exactly what it was – no matter how close or far he was to the subject. With the lenses her mate had hidden in his pocket, Felix’s sight would be better than hers.

“Only took five months,” Felix joked. “We’ll have to celebrate. I have another appointment to look at lenses and see if there is a glass that might improve my vision, but after that I’m free.” He turned his head toward Kaden. “And you finished nice and early today.”

“I wanted to be here,” Kaden said, pulling on Felix sleeve.

Felix pulled away from Eleana and went to hug his friend when he was stopped by a hand on his chest.

“I have something for you.”

Felix leant forward and said something in Kaden’s ear too low for her to hear. Whatever it was, it must have been vulgar. Kaden went bright red. A lovely red, one Eleana adored.

But she really didn’t want to know what Felix said to make him react in such a way.

“That is most definitely notwhat I have for you.”

“Guaranteed it would be more fun.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Kaden reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectangular, leather case. Felix cocked an eyebrow as he saw it and took it swiftly from Kaden’s hands. Felix opened it, the hinges tight from lack of use, and stopped to process what he saw.

“Thank you. I love blurry rectangles.”

Kaden smiled and lifted the glasses from their case. He carefully slid them onto Felix face, and Eleana near cried of joy when Felix blanched back with his eyes wide.

“Holy shit. Like, holy fucking shit,” Felix blurted.

“I know, right? You can adjust the settings as well so that in different environments or time of day it suits the situation better.”

The frames were a simple black, the rims circular. They made Felix’s strong jaw more prominent and suited the colour of his hair. Kaden chose well.

“You look rather dapper if I do say so myself,” Kaden told him.

Felix strode to the mirror, everyone in the room looking on in amusement. He styled his hair so that rather than it falling over his forehead it was flicked back. He adjusted the glasses and stood up straighter.

“You’re damn right I look dapper.”

/////

Kaden was doing his familiar evening walk through the palace to see his mother. He had been slack lately, only coming once a fortnight, maybe week, and it had been ten days since he had seen her. He didn’t warn that he was coming, hoping to surprise his mother.

He was sweating profusely as he walked, summer hitting the Day Court hard. At least he’d recently cut his hair. He had let it grow so long he could tuck it behind his ears, but now he could feel the sunshine on his neck.

He walked up the many flights of stairs. It was like a sauna, with every eight steps offering relief as he climbed past a window. He knocked on her door. She didn’t say anything, so he presumed he was safe to enter.

He walked in and smiled when he saw her.

“Afternoon,” he said cheerily.

Her lips turned down at the sight of him.

“Excuse me?”

He was accustomed to her confusion- her slip-ups, her forgetfulness. She was still in recovery from the decades she spent in Hewn City. She wasn’t even sound enough to tell them why she was there in the first place.

He walked to the windows and pointed at the sun sitting low on the horizon.

“Who are you to walk into my room?” she asked him.

Since meeting her, she had started to gain weight. Her hips and torso had filled out again, and no longer did her clavicles slice through her skin or her eyes look sunken. The rings she wore no longer flung from her fingers when she waved and her belt was getting less necessary with every passing week.

Her regained health made her appear taller and fiercer, Helion often commented that her looks started to blend more with Kaden’s.

Kaden could see the fire in her eyes as she looked at him. A drop of unease settled in his stomach at the look.

“I’m sorry, I should have waited for you to call me in,” Kaden placated. He had never heard her use that tone with him, and quite honestly, it was unsettling.

She waved him off. “I have no need of you now. Come back with the dinner slaves.”

“I’m having dinner with Eleana tonight.” He took a step toward her, which prompted her to retreat slightly. He put a hand over his chest, unsure of what was happening. “Do – did you want to come? Helion said it wasn’t a fantastic idea but-”

“Who are you to speak to me in such a tone? Address your betters in the proper manner,” she snapped.

Kaden was taken aback. Never had she spoken with anything but love in her voice and the way she was looking at him was the way someone would look at a stranger.

“Mother?”

She scoffed at him. “Does it look like I have a child? Now shoo before I have High Lord Exeter take care of you.”

“Helion is High Lord.” Kaden was shaking.

His mother scoffed. “Exeter!” she shrieked. She bared her teeth and ferally growled. Her eyes were wild and she looked like she might charge him. “Exeter! Exeter! Exeter Exeter Exeter.” She grabbed her chair and threw it at him. Kaden, so shocked by her actions, let it hit him.

He felt the wood splinter and slice his face, the bones in his wrist cracked audibly, and he just stood there while she threw her side table. It had a glass countertop, and it was only due to his reflexes that he deflected it.

Ghostly pale, he walked backwards until he hit the door. He scrambled to open it, and his legs moved but his mind didn’t but somehow he was out and slamming it just as something smashed into the place he had just been.

He could hear her screaming. He couldn’t feel the heat as he slowly walked down the stairs. He wasn’t sure when Helion started calling his name and when he had made it to the palace’s marble steps.

A strong hand clasped his shoulder and forced him to stop. Helion was in front of him, the High Lord alarmed.

Kaden couldn’t make out his words. He could feel every beat of his heart though. His chest was tight, but it didn’t hurt, not the way his stomach did. He felt every prick of the scorching wind like a pin to his skin. With every breath, he felt like he was sinking.

How long had he been here?

He heard Helion say his name again before he heard nothing but ringing.

_____

Kaden was lying on a couch. There was a hand running through his hair – nails were scratching his scalp soothingly, and it made him want to fall asleep.

“Are you awake, my love?”

Kaden didn’t know when he’d been transported to the Night Court or even where he was, but the sound of Eleana’s voice had him blinking his eyes open.

“Take your time, breathe, I’ll be here when you’re ready,” she whispered. She kissed his forehead and then rested her head on his chest.

“What happened?” His voice was groggy.

“You had a panic attack.”

“I did?”

“Azriel told me that you’ve had one before. He’s outside keeping guard.”

Kaden sat up. He put his head in his hands. He felt fuzzy – like a giant had picked him up and shaken him.

“Your mother… Helion told me that the reason he didn’t warn you about her behaviour is because he wasn’t expecting you. Apparently she’s been having off days, and on those days she can’t quite remember where she is or what time it is.”

“She was calling for a man named Exeter,” Kaden told his mate, trying to piece together what she was saying.

He thought his mother was getting better. In the half-year since he’d met her, she had never had one of these episodes. But for Helion to explain her condition to Eleana meant it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. He wracked his brain, wondering how he missed this.

“Helion’s record show that High Lord Exeter ruled about 3,000 years ago.”

He nodded, unsure of what to do with the information. At least he had a better gauge on her age – he had underestimated.

Eleana offered him water. He said yes, and she poured him a glass from a pitcher on a table an arm’s length away. She lifted it to his mouth, and after he had drunk thoroughly, she put the glass aside and replaced it with her lips.

She tasted salty, like she’d been crying, but Kaden was too focused on the wonderful feeling of her mouth to ask. She moved from her own chair to the little space on his. He braced his arm around her, bringing her as close to him as he could. Her scent was intoxicating – distracting.

They were both breathless when she pulled back.

“You scared me,” she said. “Helion, too.”

“Did he bring me straight to Velaris?”

She shook her head.

Kaden finally looked at the room, trying to garner where they were.

He could see billowing trees outside and could feel the heat through the open windows. Windows was actually an incorrect term, they were outside in a foyer. The roof and floor were the same gold-veined marble, and they were surrounded by the strong scent of eucalyptus as they wind swept through the room.

“Are we still in the Day Court.”

“Yes.”

He looked at her.

She was outside the Night Court.

He expected her to be flushed with joy, bright with wanderlust, but she was terse, her jaw hard and her face red.

“How?”

“When you fainted and he summoned Azriel, I told him he could either let me into the Court to be with you or I would storm into the Court to be with you. Either way, I had to be at your side when you woke up.”

“That was a risky move.”

No danger could keep me from your side. I love you too damn much.

Kaden lurched forward, capturing her mouth with his again at hearing her words through the bond. Crystal clear, the tether had repaired itself enough that once again they were bridged together.

I can hear you I can hear you

You make me worry, she interrupted. When I saw the maids taking away her broken furniture, it coiled something inside of me. No wonder you reacted the way you did. I know she’s not like your father or brothers, but surely it triggered something-

Oh who gives a shit what it triggered, you’re in the Day Court.

Promise me you’ll see a healer when we return.

I promise. Are we allowed to leave? I have so much to show you. I need to introduce you to Den! Kaden paused, stopping himself. But not today.

No. She shook her head. Not today.

/////

So far Kaden had been to eleven different places with the agent. Not a single one felt like home, or even a place he could make a home, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t disheartened.

They were on their way to the twelfth, and this was the first time Felix could actually see the place rather than just reply on Kaden’s subpar descriptions. He was quite perky about it, a pep in his step and far more chatty than usual.

They rode horses to reach the property, and Kaden liked the view as they did. This was more outside the city, the ride likely irksome for some fae, but Kaden knew he would be flying and it would take half the time. He and Eleana could also both winnow, a trait surely their children would inherit.

There was little woodland around, much thicker forests in the distance though, and the path had them zig-zagging next to white cliffs.

After a half hour of hard riding, the agent raised his hand to stop them. They climbed off their horses and Kaden looked back in the direction they came, stunned by the beautiful view of the city. They had gained altitude, so Velaris sat beneath but at a distance that made it look like they were gazing into a valley. He could see the defined areas of the city, the Rainbow standing out for the lights that were lit at all hours of the day. The sun was high, but Kaden knew when it set the view would intensify ten-fold.

The property was outlined by a rudimentary fence. It was quite large. It definitely had the space Kaden was looking for.

The agent led them to the edge of the cliff. It was maybe a twenty-metre drop, but steps had been carved into the side and at the bottom low tide meant there was their own personal beach.

“The water here near quite reaches the cliffs. The beach is at its largest now and will be an arc a third of the size at its smallest. Only in a storm does it touch, which is why it is never recommended to have permanent structures built down there. The land is fertile, and the further you go is when you start encountering the farming villages.”

Kaden looked at the calm water beneath and tried to picture his life here.

It had a lot of potential, that’s for certain, and it checked every criterion.

Felix started asking the agent questions Kaden never thought to. Felix was playing up the glasses look, he had suit pants, a white button up shirt rolled to his forearms and was wearing a matching vest. He looked like a tutor you would see at a palace who was teaching children by day and seducing nobles by night.

Kaden was happy he was here. Exuberant, even.

“Can we go down?” he asked.

The agent nodded but said he would be saying, and Felix said he would as well. Kaden shrugged and headed down the stairs.

They were well worn from use and had no rails. If Kaden was to buy this place, he would definitely replace them. Maybe with an enclosed spiral staircase that twisted right down so it wasn’t so steep.

He noticed a lot of spaces nestled into the cliffs where birds and such must live. He liked that it was teeming with life.

He made it to the sand. It was cleaner than that in the city proper and was the lightest yellow he had ever seen. He took of his shoes and rolled up his pants. He padded into the water, letting it lap up to his ankles. He threw out a small tinge of magic to check if there were hidden rocks under the water, but nope, all clear.

It was quiet. Peaceful.

There wasn’t much to see, so he headed back up. As he put his foot on the first stair, a glinting from next to it caught his eye.

There was a little nook next to the stairs. He leant down to see what it was. Something was shining in the sun, and he had to brush some sand aside to see what it was.

It was two rings. One band thicker than the other, they both had onyx stone in a ring that supported swirls of red, blue and purple opals in a vine pattern. He slipped the larger one onto his left ring finger and smiled.

They matched the crowns that he and Eleana had received so very long ago.

“Thank you,” he said to the forest faeries that must have left them for him and Eleana.

He put them both into his breast pocket and walked up the stairs, the smile never leaving his face.  

Felix’s expression was similar to his. He put his thumbs up in question and Felix nodded. He liked this one. A lot. It was the only one to have his approval so far.

Kaden knew what he would do the moment he found those rings.

“I’ll take it.”

____

It was a week later. Kaden had two things to do today. The first was see the architect in the Day Court that had been working on the blueprints for the house Kaden was to build and give him a final price estimate pending changes. The moment that was done, he was going straight to the Night Court to sign for his and Eleana’s land.

His mother, who was faring well today, was coming with him and Felix. He’d had a hard day hunting – they nearly had another amputation after a creature’s claws had sliced so deeply into a woman’s leg they weren’t sure if they could have saved it. His mother’s presence was a comforting one. It was as though nothing had ever happened, even if her episodes had repeated.  

Kaden was scared about it happening again, but now that he knew about its possibility he could be better prepared.

Felix had his arms linked with Denora and the two were yapping away. When they arrived at the architect’s office, they decided to stay outside so they could keep talking while Kaden went in.

The door chimed as he entered, and the receptionist behind the desk welcomed him and sent him straight into the office. He thanked the man for holding the door open for him, and then greeted the female who designed his and Eleana’s home.

“Please, sit Lord Kaden.”

She was very gracious around him. Word of his relation to Denora and High Lord Helion spread quickly, and it wasn’t long before sentries and even people on the street were bowing to him. It had given him a level of respect he’d never had and wasn’t sure he’d earned.

She laid out the plans before him.

The house was a verifiable mansion, but they were only intending on building a small section of it to start with. Then Eleana could make whatever changes she wanted, and Kaden wouldn’t have to front such a cost straight away.

They talked it over making minimal tweaks.

She handed him the paperwork with the estimates and said she could start hiring labourers the moment he had the deed to the land and gained permission for her to work in the Night Court.

He opened up the envelope, assuring her visas wouldn’t be an issue when his face fell.

The estimate was far, far more than he was expecting, even with the mirror-glass.

He told her as such.

“With the war, mining has become a far more expensive endeavour. No one is willing to go underground, and the stone down there is necessary for this glass. Many people died, and there are few who can replace them.”

Just like that, his dream was over. Sure, he could get the land and let it sit there, but what was the point? It was to be their home, and he would never, could never, afford this.

He tried to hide his disappointment. He swallowed hard, hoping the silver lining his eyes might disappear with it.

Kaden hated that he was so mad and bitterly disappointed. There was a time when he was never let down because he never let himself have expectations. At some point he had become entitled – weak – and not let himself consider that he couldn’t do this.

But of course he couldn’t do this. He heard people call him Lord and he let himself think that he was one.

He thanked her for her time and effort and said he would come back to her in a few days after thinking about it. He had zero intention of taking up her offer to build this beautiful home. He simply could not. He did not have the money.

He left the office and Felix immediately knew something was wrong. Den frowned at him, having never seen him anything other than cheery.

“Are we good to go sign the deed?” he asked, voice low and slow.

“I’ve actually decided not to.”

Kaden kissed his mother on the cheek abruptly and told her goodbye, storming off into the crowd of Sun Courtiers enjoying the cooler evening.

He heard his mother yell him name – not Kaden, Dimitri – and when he didn’t respond she sent Felix after him.

He walked until he could feel his calves staining. He might have kept going, but Felix sprang in front of him and forced him to stop.

“What the hell happened?”

“I can’t afford the house. Not even close.”

“So? Buy just the land. Eleana certainly could afford it.”

“What a grand surprise that would be. Hello, Eleana! This is our home. Here’s the bill.”

Kaden tried to walk around him but was stopped again. Luckily, he had walked into a secluded alley where the shops were closed for the evening. There were few fae to eavesdrop, and Felix apparently felt no qualms about ripping into him.

“Stop it,” he snarled.

“I can’t control my damn emotions-”

“This isn’t the end of the world. We’ve been there, done that, and it’s old news. I can lend you the money,” Felix offered.

“I already owe you so much, I can’t let you do that.”

“It would be my pleasure, honestly.”

“But I would feel like I owe you a debt. It wouldn’t be what I had done for her, it would be what you had done for us. And I know it’s archaic and stupid to feel jealous that you can offer her that and I can’t but I just can’t help it.”

“You know, I am waiting for that jealous ball to drop.”

“Pardon?”

“I’m waiting for you to become a raging mate.”

“I would never.”

“It has nothing to do with you, it has to do with the magic behind the bond or whatever. It happens to everyone.” Felix peered at him, his finger tapping his glasses to push them back up the bridge of his nose. “What were you like after she cooked for you?”

“This is so far off topic, but she never cooked for me.”

Felix braced himself on the wall looking exasperated. “So you’re telling me that all this time you two have been wandering around without doing the mating rituals or any formal…?”

“There are rituals?”

Felix sighed. “I can’t blame you for your lack of knowledge, you grew up in a hole.”

“All I want to do right now is go home to Eleana. Maybe she can explain these supposed rituals to me.”

So, that was exactly what he did.

He found Eleana in her father’s study, doing paperwork for her mother so her parents could have a night to themselves. She noticed something was awry when she looked at him, and he told her he’d had a hard day of hunting. Her face fell ever so slightly, and she got up to embrace him.

They didn’t need their own land or home to be together. Just this, her in his arms, was more than enough for Kaden.

/////

The leaves of the Night Court were starting to turn an array of brown and orange, the slightest bit of wind making them fall from their perches and cover the paths in the city. Eleana looked out at the scene of her Velaris turning with the season. She loved the first month of Autumn. There were many things to celebrate, including baby Theodosia’s first birthday. Eleana idly wondered what she would get the babe; Kaden would let her pitch in for the inevitably wonderful idea he had, surely.

This month also marked their one-year anniversary. Not just from the day they had met, but the day that he proclaimed his love for her. It was one of the best days of her life and she would never forget the feeling of his words as they brushed her skin. She had waited for him, and by the Cauldron it was worth it.

The century without him had been a nightmare. And although the days since had been tumultuous, her health as rapid changing as the weather, he was a steady constant that kept her grounded. The time without him made him only dearer to her.

She was so distracted by her thoughts that Felix was able to land what would have been a deathblow if they hadn’t been only training.

“Eleana,” he snapped. “You haven’t trained for months. You’ll need to focus better than that.”

They were at the House of Wind. Her muscles were already sore form the gruelling exercises he had given her, but it was a welcome pain. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time – like herself. Soon, the muscle that once corded her arms and made her thighs thick would return, but until then she would have to work for it. Hard.

She was still puffed when she replied. “We’ve been at it for hours.”

“And you’ve been thinking about Kaden the whole time. You’re a sorry pair aren’t you, so dependant, it makes me literally never want a mate.”

“We aren’t dependent, I just worry when he hunts.”

Felix softened near imperceptibly. “He knows what he’s doing. Do you know how many High Lords have sent Rhys messages commending Kaden? Or should I say Lord Kaden. It’s doing spiffy things for your reputation too.”

“Is that so?” Eleana took Felix’s enthusiasm to speak as a sign they were done for the day.

“All these nobles frothing for your man is doing wonders.”

As if his name summoned him, Eleana spotted Kaden in the distance flying their way. She breathed a sigh of relief. He went hunting five days a week and because of the Courts ban on her she couldn’t go with him – even though she was in invaluable tool.

Kaden landed with a soft thud and sprinted to her side. He slammed into her, wrapping his arms around her and swinging her around as they hugged. It was an unexpected but very, very welcome on her part.

He stopped them long enough to kiss her, deep and unhinged, his excitement coming through.

“Hello.”

“Hello. What has you so cheery?”

He put her down but kept her close. He pulled a letter out of his back pocket and handed it to her. She opened it, her eyes reading the words but not really taking them in until she’d been over it a third, fourth time.

“This is an invitation for me?”

“Yes.”

“But this is in the Day Court.”

“Yes.”

“Where, despite my barging, I am not allowed to go.”

He kissed her again, his lips smooth. “You are now.”

Eleana cheered.

It wasn’t that she felt she didn’t deserve her punishment. She knew there had to be consequences for her actions, she didn’t even travel that much, but not going to the other Courts meant she was missing so much of Kaden’s life. She hadn’t even met his mother. The High Lords who she had once had a great deal of rapport with were now only learning of her condition through her mate.

It was also hard to know that people close to her heart had such a distrust for her – not that she could blame them.

She was elated to finally be able to visit another Court, and from the looks of it, Kaden was too.

“We start here, and soon all the Courts will welcome you again,” his words confirmed as much.

“Let’s get ready then.”

_____

The party was to celebrate the start of Autumn. It was at dusk, and Eleana came in a formfitting gold dress. It had thin straps and glided down her body like a second skin until it hit the floor and pooled in a train. She let her dark hair hang loose in waves and covered herself in gold jewels with red rubies.

She knew she made the right decision in clothing when she saw Kaden’s face when he first saw her.

His eyes glazed with lust, his throat bobbing as he swallowed.

It had been a long time since he’d looked at her like that, and she was surprised that the sickening coil in her stomach didn’t rear its ugly head at the look.

They had kissed, plenty a time, but never taken even the smallest step further. She wasn’t there yet, and he understood her completely.

Looking at him in his fine suit made her wonder when she would be ready.

She winnowed them to the Day Court where they were given a personal welcome from Helion. It was a little awkward, especially with so many eyes on her as she appeared, but they made it through.

The gathering was in one of the royal halls, only a twenty-minute walk from the palace. Its columns were coated in gold, the perfect match to Eleana’s dress, but the interior was all white save the vertical gardens that covered every wall. There was a water feature that split the floor in two. Kaden, who had a tight grip on her hand, walked to the left and started introducing her to the people he had become acquainted with. Soldiers, Lords, Ladies, a line started to form to speak to Kaden.

He brushed them mostly off though and walked in a bee-line to the most important person Kaden would introduce her to tonight.

Denora looked radiant in a white, velvet dress. It had cap sleeves adorned with silver bands that stretched down her arms in a vine fashion. Eleana noted that it was a similar look to Kaden’s Illyrian tattoos, and wondered if that decision was purposeful. Her hair was up in a high bun and she wore a tiara fit for an immortal princess. She was thicker – a healthy stomach, wide hips, large thighs – and taller than even Kaden.

“Mother!” Kaden called.

She turned to look at him, and it was startling to see Kaden’s midnight eyes on someone else.

“Dimitri! And you.” Her eyes widened at the sight of Eleana. She stalked to them, her walk confident and unbridled as she cut through fae to reach them. She stopped a few steps away, towering over Eleana as if she was a giant speaking to a human child.

“Hello Lady Denora, it’s lovely to meet you.” Eleana offered her hand, but Denora ignored it.

“Girl gone blue without a trace, the golden boy is Cauldron blessed, to save the good and smite the rest.” Her voice was melodic, and Eleana wasn’t sure how to respond.

Luckily, Kaden did. “Is that a nursey rhyme? I swear I’ve heard it before.”

She looked at him pointedly – like she saw far more than just the two of them standing in front of her. “Yes.”

Kaden cleared his throat. “Mother, this is Eleana, Heir to the Night Court and my mate.”

Denora stepped so she was a breath away from Eleana. Her eyes were wide as she leant in so close that their noses bumped.

“Welcome to the family, you will do great things for this world,” she whispered before abruptly pulling back. “You two must dance!” She clapped high and sped away, leaving them in her wake.

“Are we meant to follow her?” Eleana was gobsmacked.

“I think so.”

They walked after her and found her on the dance floor. She was in the middle of a few pairs of people dancing, swaying to the music alone and to her own tune.

Her body moved like a calm sea. It was fluid and flexible – effortless but powerful. It was clear where Kaden got such innate talent from.

Eleana thought she might step this one out, not wanting to embarrass any one with her dismal attempts at dancing, but Kaden would have none of it.

I would rather be still forever than dance with anyone but you.

She blushed at the words he sent down the bond and lead the way onto the dance floor.

It was just like the first time.

She was not excellent, but he guided her in such a loving way that it did not matter. It was just as exhilarating, and breathtaking as the first time he held her close at that wedding and spun her for hours on end. Except this time there were no hidden feelings, no impending doom, just a man and a woman who loved each other very much and wanted to dance together.

The way he touched her hips as they danced set fire in her veins. When his fingers brushed her collar bones to sweep the hair from her face, he may as well have painted a cross on her to show that this is mine.

Any nerves she had from his touch were nothing but virginal butterflies. It had been so long since she’d been with him that she could remember that it was amazing, but not exactly how it felt to have him inside her, touching her, making her scream unholy things and praying to Gods that she didn’t believe in. She knew that in those moments hewas her God, and she was his, and that their coupling was the magic of myth.

The music, a fine orchestra, slowed down.

Kaden and Eleana swayed to the music. She didn’t step on his feet, and he rested his head on her shoulder.

People were watching.

It wasn’t until that moment that she realised her skin had started to radiate. Her darkness was also slipping from her hands that were around his neck and tangled in his hair.

And Kaden, her perfect equal, was spilling a golden light to match.

Either he didn’t notice or he didn’t care, because they just kept dancing.

_____

Eleana dress was sticking to her with sweat. They had danced for so long, keeping their magic at bay and ignoring the stares, that she’d become quite hot and bothered. She stepped outside for a moment to try and regain her thoughts and cool down.

There was no one here but her and the giant pool that glimmered in the moonlight. She sat down at its edge and yanked off her shoes, dipping her feet in the cool water. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, letting the air sooth her.

It wasn’t long before Kaden joined her.

“My mother likes you.”

“Does she?”

He nodded. He was standing, but only so he could roll up his pants and join her. “I just ran into her. She sang your praises.”

“I’m glad. Hopefully I can get to know her better if Helion gives me full access to the Day Court.”

He sat down so close to her that their shoulders were touching. She leaned into him. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Have you enjoyed your night?”

“Thoroughly.”

His fingers were tracing patterns on her skin. He was doing it so idly she wondered if he didn’t realise he was doing it at all, but the movement sent shivers down her spine.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

She shook her head, not trusting her voice to remain steady if she spoke aloud.

He ran his hand up and down her side, thinking he might warm her. He certainly did, and her breathing became shaky.

She leaned into him more and turned her head. She kissed his jaw, then his neck, where her lips stayed and explored.

“What are you doing?” he asked, voice gruff.

“I don’t know,” she whispered against his skin.  

He faced her, his warm breath coating her face. His arm left her waist and settled high on her thigh, squeezing slightly. “What do you want to do?”

She didn’t answer.

What did she want? Not sex, no, but something. Not even to climax, just a sense of intimacy that can only be granted by your partner. Up until now, kissing had granted her that pleasure, but seeing him tonight and dancing with him like there was nothing else in the room made her ache for more.

“Do you want me to touch you?”

She felt how aroused the seven words made her in her core.

The hand on her thigh moved slightly, and that small action alone made her gasp.

“I will. Right here, but I need you to say you want this.”

Her answer was immediate.  

“I want this.”

He kissed the skin just below her ear. His hand returned to her waist. He pulled her so that she was now sitting between his legs with her chest pressed to his back. His hands, those wickedhands of his, kneaded her shoulders. She was about to tell him that, yes, that felt good, but it wasn’t what she meant. Before she had the chance, his hands moved to grip her thighs, his fingers slowly etching her dress up until he had full access to her.

He bit her exposed shoulder lightly, not hard enough to leave a mark but so much that it made her lurch. His fingers grazed her inner thigh, up and down, until she was squirming on his lap.

One hand pressed against her lower abdomen to steady her, the other one slowly making its way to where she wanted it.

His lips were at her neck, kissing her in just the right spots to make her breathless. She was about to say something, but Cauldron she forgot what it was the moment his fingers slipped beneath her underwear and brushed against her sensitive centre.

She let out a deep moan. She laced her fingers with the hand on her stomach, needing to brace herself against something.

She spread her thighs more so that they crossed over his legs, and it prompted him to stoke harder, faster, in wonderful circles that with every round hit her in exactly the right spot to leave her quaking.

She was heaving in his arms and couldn’t help grinding down on him. She became even more aroused when she felt how hard he was for her, when she realised that the sound of her hissing his name and the feel of her body pressed against him was alone enough to make him want her.

She had to bite her lip to stop from screaming as she felt herself tightened and then come, his fingers working her all the way through her orgasm.

She slumped against him, and he pushed her dress back down before wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on hers.

/////

Nine months after her eighteenth birthday Eleana was sitting at a café in Velaris when a courier handed her a letter. It was addressed with only her name. She expected it to be from Kaden. Since she had come back to Velaris, she hadn’t felt like herself. And just like the last time she was lost with who she was, Kaden sent her letters to remind her. It was ridiculous really, they saw each other every night, but usually around two hours before he was to return to her she would get a letter. Sometimes it was just an I love youand more doodled hearts than she could count. Sometimes it was what he had done with his days. Often there were dot point summaries of the stories his mother had told him, he wrote them down so he wouldn’t forget any of the details, knowing Eleana would love to hear them all. Usually, these letters were written in the book he gave her for her birthday, the leather-bound object appearing where ever she was. A change of pace wasn’t unwelcomed though.

She closed the book she was reading and ripped it open.

It was a letter from the Day Court alright, but certainly not from Kaden.

“Holy shit Gods.”

If she hadn’t been banned from the other courts, she would have stormed into the Day Court and demanded answers. The first thing she would ask is is this a fucking joke?

She flew to her father’s office, barging in a throwing it at him.

“Is this real?” she asked.

“It says happy birthday, who’s it from?”

“The other page, look at the other page.”

He flipped over to the next page and raised his brow at what he saw. “This seems entirely real to me.”

She gawked at him, snatching it back and reading it over again herself.

Her father stood. He came and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to the sitting chairs in the corner of the room. He mentioned something about food and tea and left her to read the pages over and over again. When he came back, she had it so close to her face that the paper was grazing her nose.

“If you’re that worried I would just confront the person who sent it. They clearly had a lot of intention. That,” he pointed at the paper, “is no quick process.”

Eleana moaned and put her head to her knees. “Do you have chocolate? I need it.”

Rhys laughed and knocked her head gently. “Eat your lunch, Butterfly. I’m sure you’ll get your answers soon enough.”

____

Kaden was late coming home, which meant that the whole family had to watch her pace back and forth waiting for him. Rain was thrashing against the windows, a wild storm raging outside.

She had shown them all the letter, all of which had validated its authenticity, which only made Eleana more confused.

And Kaden, her mate, had the audacity to be home late at a time like this.

When he finally strolled through the door with Felix and Quathryn, who wanted to see the pretty lights in the Day Court, Eleana tackled him. She ignored his wet clothing and barely felt his arms as they caught her.

“What is this?” she near screamed.

He swayed with her to catch his balance. “What is what?”

“This!” She waved the letter at him.

He snatched it from her hands and read it over, his eyes going wide and his mouth parting. “Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.”

“Did you know about this?”

“No! I mean, I mentioned some stuff about you-”

“What did you mention?!”

Everyone was looking at them, curiosity all over their faces. This is why weekly family dinners were not a good idea, they were too often in each other’s pockets. Eleana grumbled, grabbing Kaden’s hand and pulling him upstairs.

She slammed the study door behind her, whirling to face him.

“What did you say that made your mother do this?”

Kaden looked sheepish, running his hand nervously through his hair. “I mentioned that my savings are low, and that I was looking for property in the Night Court that I could buy.”

“Why do you want to buy land?”

His lips were a thin line. He mumbled something she couldn’t properly hear, so she demanded the answer again.

“I wanted to build you a house,” he said after a long pause. “There are these beautiful houses in the Day Court that I know you’ll love. But when I asked about the price for materials… there’s a special glass that I would want for you, but it’s far out of my budget. I could work for two hundred years and not be able to afford it.”

Eleana blinked. “You… you wanted to build me a house?”

He swallowed hard and nodded. “There’s this type of glass in the Day Court that you can look out of but not in. On the outside, it’s a mirror. I talked to an architect, even had some rough plans drawn up, but the cost stopped me.”

She tried to say something, but he kept talking, nervously rambling.

“My logic was that if in our house you could always see the sky and the gardens I would grow for you then you would never feel trapped. I was going to make all the bedrooms the same, the only opaque walls would be inside so that we could have privacy, and our children could have privacy. We would have had a lot of guest rooms of course, Felix would need somewhere to stay every time he got on the piss. I would have built it on the beach. Or a cliff that overlooked the water but wasn’t too far away from it. Because then we wouldn’t have to go far to teach our sons and daughters to swim.”

“Woah, Kaden, stop. Our house? Children? How long have you been thinking about this?”

His cheeks blushed bright red. “I’m overwhelming you, aren’t I? I’m sorry, I just mentioned to my mother, which is why she probably sent you the deed to her coastal house for your birthday. I mean, she’s quite late, but she’s often forgetful,” he tried to joke.  

“Kaden, this is a coastal apartment on Miyram and Drakon’s island. The passing of ownership has been signed off by them. She would have had to do this-”

“Months ago, I know. I told her the day I met her that you were the love of my life. I didn’t mention that house until later. She must have given this to you not because my,” he waved his hand around, “house dream.”

Eleana was stumped. She had just received more information than she’d ever bargained for. She thought her next words carefully before saying them.

“Kaden… this is – a lot. Houses and children – that’s not something I’m even ready to think about. Not something I think I want now.”

He looked away from her, nodding. “Of course. That makes complete sense. We’ve been together barely a year. I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. It’s flattering-”

“Yeah, really flattering.” He stared out the window behind her, a pink blush spreading over his cheeks. “Look, I’ll talk to Den about it, but she seems pretty stuck in her ways. We – youdon’t have to go there. I think maybe she felt bad about you not being able to travel Prythian or something. I’ll um, I’ll sort it out.”

He was rambling, and she couldn’t get a word in before he was opening the door and walking away.

“Wait, Kaden, stop.”

He was near running down the stairs, a few calls other than her own summoning him. He ignored them all. He rushed out the front door, rain whipping into the house from the storm raging outside. Eleana didn’t close the door as she rushed after him, grabbing his elbow just as he spread his wings to fly away.

“Where are you going?” she yelled through the onslaught of rain. Her hair was whipping around her face, the wet strands sticking to her.

Kaden wiped his eyes, his hair already slick down his face. “I’m going to fix this.”

“Fix what?”

He was breathing so hard she could see the rise and fall of his chest, and she reached out a hand to touch him – to steady him.

He was gasping for air. “Everything I’m doing is wrong.”

She shook her head vehemently. “No, no you’re perfect-”

“What was I thinking? I can’t – this life – I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I can’t help you no matter how damn hard I try. And your family.” His voice cracked. “They trusted me, and I’ve screwed everything up. Felix will never regain full sight, I haven’t even made a dent in dwindling the creatures. I call a woman mother who can’t remember me half the time when Morrigan is right there supporting me. The disrespect I’ve given her. I can’t even properly judge what you want and I’m meant to be your mate. Amren was right – Amren isright.”

“Please come inside and talk to me. Or we can go somewhere, anywhere that you want to go.”

He covered his face with his hands, and then swept his hair from his eyes.

“I have to leave,” his voice was grave.

“Wherever you go I’ll be there right with you, okay? So name a place, anywhere, and we’ll go there right now.”

Hs throat bobbed. He searched her face, and she wasn’t sure if he was crying or if it was just the rain. “Can we just stay here?”

She pulled him into her arms, the rain beating down so hard she could feel every drop. He was warm though, he had always been her fire in the ice. “Yes, we can stay here.”

_____

It was a while before they came in. No one asked questions, not even when their sopping wet selves dragged their bodies through the house and to her bedroom. They peeled their clothes off, Eleana lighting the fireplace in her room to ease their shivering.

Once dry and dressed in fresh night clothes, Eleana and Kaden crawled into bed. Her bed had become a safe place of confession for them both, and with that knowledge clear in his mind, Kaden spoke.

“For the last few months, Amren has thought the worst of me. Maybe it wouldn’t have affected me as much if my failures didn’t have as much impact on our lives as they do. I want to be the best for you, and I’m worried that I never can be.”

“What has Amren said?”

“She thinks that I had something to do with what happened with the Queen. That I orchestrated what happened.”

Eleana shot up, outraged at what she was hearing. “How long has this been going on?”

“She told me the first time we met.”

Eleana climbed on top of Kaden, her legs straddling his waist and hands cupping his cheeks. “It was literally prophesised by an all knowing suriel that you were to be not just my, but Prythian’s saviour. I know you. Felix knows you. Mor and Azriel and Cassian and Nesta are all obsessed with you and my parents could not be happier that I found you. To say you are anything less than the man that you are, the selfless, wonderful man, is an insult to all our intelligences and I will not stand for it. In the morning I will talk to her. This has got to stop.”

Eleana opened her mouth, but a knock at the door interrupted her. She sighed as she climbed from his lap. Behind her door were her mother and Morrigan. Her mother held two plates of food, and Mor had two mugs held by the handle in each hand.

“Hey there,” Feyre said gently. “We didn’t want you two going hungry.”

“Thank you,” Eleana said, letting them in.

The two women, both mothers in their own right, strode into the room. Mor put the drinks on the bedside table, and whispered quietly to Kaden, asking if he was okay. The question was accompanied with a hand to his forehead; she was checking his temperature. One might think that meeting Den would drive Mor’s motherly instincts away, but Eleana was glad to see that it only intensified her need to care for him as if he was her own. It made Eleana smile.

“We thought we would join you, if that’s okay,” Feyre said.

“The more the merrier, we’re family after all.”

/////

Eleana would never say she was a bully, but she may have used some of those tactics to force her cousin into showing her the plot of land her mate had very nearly bought.

They waited until he went hunting before Felix flew them to the site. It was quick by air, but Eleana could appreciate that anyone without wings or the ability to winnow would have a harder time getting there.

The land was exactly how he described it to be. Large, his spacious mansion would have fit and then some, on a cliff but with a forest in the distance. It was untouched by buildings and had the best view of Velaris she had seen outside of the sky.

She walked along the grassy plain and breathed in the fresh air – her body feeling light from the scent of salt and greenery that came with the wind.

“There’s stairs over there that go down, but I’m not taking you. I shouldn’t have to begin with. I do hope you know he’ll murder me if he finds out I did this.”

“Guess I’ll just have to sell my soul again to bring you back.”

Felix squeaked at the joke and put a hand over his heart.

“Too soon?” She raised a brow.

“Yes, I mean no. I mean do whatever makes you feel better about what happened. Pre and post possession.”

She laughed at the look on his face and turned toward the stairs. She didn’t really like joking about it, but she noticed how often Felix joked about his own experiences and how it genuinely seemed to help. She thought maybe if she tried the same thing it would work for her.

So far, not much success, but she also wasn’t as funny as her cousin.

She walked down the steps. They would definitely have to be replaced if they lived here. Maybe a spiral staircase would suit?

She walked onto the sand. It was chilly next to the water; she wrapped her arms around herself and continued to explore. There wasn’t a lot to see. It was nice, tranquil and private. One’s own little slice of the sea.

She told Felix she just wanted to see it, but she knew she was here for different reasons.

_____

“I think I lied to you,” she told Kaden.

He looked up from the report he was writing. It was nearly dusk and he had been doing this since he’d returned from hunting. They were the only one occupying the House of Wind and the place was eerily quiet.

“What about?” He didn’t seem fazed by her words, but he did put his pen down and focus on her.

“I’ve been considering your words – your thoughts about our future.”

Eleana had been reconsidering their conversation since she’d ripped into Amren. She had cornered her aunt a week ago, demanding to know why she had been terrorising her mate. Amren had some convoluted excuse that had very little validity and reeked of misinformation and miseducation. Eleana never liked to pull rank, especially with her family, but she made a formal order that Amren was to never broach the subject again. Eleana heard her concerns loud and clear, and this was her officially dismissing them. She also went on to explain how Kaden could not have done the things she accused him of, even went as far as to detail the Room so Amren could fucking understand where she was coming from.

Amren had been civil since.

“What have you been considering?”

“I would rather show you than tell you.”

He smirked. “How ominous.”

______

Kaden very quickly changed tone when he realised where they were going. He thought Eleana might have meant doing something flirty, maybe they would repeat what happened in the Day Court, but the last thing he wanted was to go to the land he forfeited.

She took them to the tree line so they could overlook the whole thing. She winnowed them right there, if they had flown he would have refused just to save himself the embarrassment.

“Eleana…”

“Hear me out,” she said. She pointed to the cliff’s edge. “We would have to build a fence. High. And put extra wards on it so that it can’t be flown over by young children. I don’t want anyone falling down there by accident. Funnily enough, I’m more worried Felix will do that when drunk than one of our children.” She started walking, beckoning along.

He followed, confused as hell, so he just stayed silent and listened.

“I thought this side could be the main garden. We’d have one out the front too, and there would be a little cobblestone path that led to out front door with flower arches around it so it’s like a little tunnel. I think that would look cute!”

He put his hand up to stop her from talking more.

She looked distractingly radiant. She was backlit by Velaris, the city sparking alive as the sun set. She outshone it though, with her navy hair blowing in the breeze and her violet eyes so bright.

She was talking about something she had already thoroughly shut down, so why were they here? Kaden didn’t understand.

“You don’t want this, you said as much.”

She clutched her hands to her chest. “I know. I guess the idea wasn’t in my head until you put it there.”

“I’m not sure what you’re saying.”

“I’m saying that I bought this land. I’m saying that I went to the Day Court and paid to have our home built from glass. I’m saying that I want to grow ancient with you here. I want to sit on a deck chair a century from now and have you dote on me hand and foot while I grow our baby inside me and that it might take time for me to be ready for children but hell I will be ready one day. I want everything with you, Kaden. The whole domestic shebang.”

She stepped in front of him. “I want to start living. And I want to do that with you.”

She stood on her toes and kissed him. She wrapped her arms around his neck to bring him closer, and Kaden’s knees shook at her touch.

She moved her lips to his jaw, one hand coming across his neck and to the top button of his shirt. “And just because I know how much you wanted to do this for me, I only paid for the glass, so I hope you’re ready to build the rest of the house because sleeping on only that will be awfully cold in the coming months, don’t you think?” she said, her voice high and bubbly from what could only be described as pure joy.

“You are someone I couldn’t even have dreamt of.”

She pressed her cheek to his, her hands slowly undoing every button on his shirt until she could scrape her nails down his chest.

“I’m ready. I want all of you.”

“I have always been yours.”

“No, Kaden.” She punctuated her words by grazing her hand over his length. “I’m ready. I want all of you.”

He caught her hand in his, bringing it to rest over his heart. “Eleana, you don’t have to do this. If I was rushing you in any way-”

“You have been perfect – utterly perfect. It’s something I wanted to do since the Day Court, that was when I knew I could handle it.”

He bit his lip to hide his smile, even if she was grinning at him. “There’s no bed,” he said.

His heart stopped as she pressed an open-mouth kiss to his chest. She dragged her lips down the skin she had just exposed until she was kneeling before him. His breath hitched as her hands undid his belt. He stood to full attention, watching her with wide eyes and feeling his arousal build.

When she slipped her hand inside his pants to let his length free, he shuddered.

“When have we ever needed a bed?”

And then her mouth was on him and he was unable to form words.

She was slow, as if taking her time to relearn exactly what made him tick. Her plump lips would swallow him until he hit her throat, her hand stroking the part of him her mouth couldn’t. No part of him went untouched, and his moan was so loud as he tangled his hands in her hair that he was surprised the ground didn’t tremble beneath him.

He groaned her name when he was on the verge of finishing. She pulled back, taking her mouth and hands with her.

She stood up and leaned into him so close that the friction of him touching her was nearly enough to make him climax.

His hands were still tangled in her hair, and he brought her lips to his and kissed her deeply. As he did so, their tongues dancing as he tilted her back to fully capture her, one hand came down and then up again until the next thing he was doing was lifting her shirt over her head. She was bare under her shirt, and her nipples were perked in the cool breeze. He dragged his mouth away and sucked one into his mouth, kneading the other breast with his hand.

Her pants come off, and then his, and then somehow she got him on his back with her straddling him.

“I love it when you say my name like that,” she moaned as she kissed down his body.

After licking his rose tattoo on his inner thigh, her ass curving up as if teasing him to where he had once sunk his teeth in, she made her way back up his body, aligning her hips with his as she did so.

She was over him, gripping him so she could guide him inside her when he stopped her with strong hands gripping her hips.

“Wait. We should go slow, take our time. Savour this.”

Her lips turned up. She ran one hand down his chest before running it up the centre of herself, making her fingers wet with her want. She levelled her head with his, those sinful fingers tracing his lips until he bit them, sucking them into his mouth and licking the juices from them.

“I’m tired of going slow. Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he growled.

She smirked and aligned their hips again. She didn’t wait before lowering herself onto him. They both gasped at the contact, and Kaden nearly came just from the look that crossed her face as she took him to the hilt. It was the face of ecstasy – her head tilting back, her back arched and her breasts pushed out, her mouth parted and eyes fluttering.

It had him straining when he was already so close.

When she moved her hips forward and back in a rocking motion, he was undone.

He unravelled underneath her, her body the only thing keeping him tied to this earth as wave after wave of unmeasurable pleasure blasted him. With every movement a new piece of him was gone. With every sound from her mouth he was brought back. He could barely see through the haze that she created for him.

The only clear thing was her glowing body and the darkness that started to mix with his light, the two opposing forces joining together and wrapping around them seamlessly.

He couldn’t quite remember how to form words, or where they were or his name or anything else except this:

He loved her.

So, that’s all he said. Over and over and over again.

/////

The day Eleana moved out of her home, her father cried. She found it comical, considering they hadn’t lived together for the vast majority of the last eight years.

While their house had only just begun to be built, Eleana and Kaden decided they wanted their own space. Kaden loved living with Azriel and Mor, and Eleana too with her parents, but they wanted to take a step forward before having their very own house.

So they did something that Kaden had always intended to do but never had the chance to.

They moved in with Felix.

It was the first time Eleana had returned to camp since the war had ended, and stories of her involvement had spread like shadowfire. She expected to be sneered at, blamed for the deaths of the soldiers who had been lost, but somehow that was not what happened.

The person she suspected for that was her meddlesome cousin.

They knew of her possession. They knew Kaden had been the one to break her free of her entrapment. They knew she misted a town full of creatures and knitted back together the earth as if it were child’s play.

And that is what they focused on.

They had been with Felix for a month now and it was going swimmingly. Felix made every meal, Kaden did all the dishes, and Eleana kept the house clean.

Eleana started training again. She got her ass thoroughly kicked and her flying courses weren’t as flawless as they once were, but with every day she improved. She welcomed the ache in her muscles, the baths of ice and having her wings out all day.

Her and Kaden were sitting on their bed, Kaden kneading the knots from her back. Spread out in front of her were the plans to their house.

“I think it’s a good idea to have our room separate from the others. If we have a drawing room we can double it as a nursery while the children are still young, and it’s not like we’ll have to use it that way any time soon,” Kaden suggested.

“I agree. A play room would also be a good way to contain their mess. And if Felix goes here, it will be easy for him to baby sit. I like this flooring too. I think carpet will be better than floorboards in the bed rooms. I know it wears away a lot quicker, but it will also be freezing in winter.”

“Do you remember those hardwood floors the other day? I was thinking we could copy that.”

The conversation continued on until Kaden was done with the massage and they were both completely sure on their design. This house would truly be something to behold when it was finished, and Eleana couldn’t wait to have it all with her mate.

She looked at him. They were both still in their leathers, his hair tousled while hers was in a tight bun.

It was true that she wouldn’t have thought of this on her own. It wasn’t until she discovered Kaden wanted those things that she considered them herself. Although wary to begin with, now she’d fallen down a deep rabbit hole where she wanted everything at once.

Which was why there was one thing she desperately wanted to do but didn’t know how.

“Walk with me?”

He smiled. “Where are we going?”

She didn’t respond, just took his hand and led him from the room. They put their shoes and jackets on and left, their fingers loosely twined. She was debating whether to just do it tonight or wait. But damn if they hadn’t waited long enough already. All they did was wait.

They strolled along, Kaden happy to concede with her silence.

She stopped them eventually, in the middle of a path. It was night, so few were around but many windows were lit from the fireplaces warming the families.

Kaden didn’t ask where they were, but he did look around and note her odd choice.

“Is this where we first met?”

She nodded. “I was wondering if you remembered the place.”

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Of course I do.”

Eleana argued with herself. She wanted to just do it, but the nerves she was feeling were overwhelming. It made her jittery, so much so that he fully faced her and took of his hands in his. He ran his thumbs over her knuckles.

“You all good?”

“I love you,” she gasped.

He smiled. “I love you.”

“We’ve never quite done things in order, have we?” She was going to do it. Now. Here. At the spot they met.

“No, I guess not.”

“I knew you were my mate the first time I saw you here,” her voice shook with every syllable. “But I fell in love with you long before it mattered. And you – you loveme. And you would, mateship or no. I like that that our bond came after. Every minute of falling in love with you I would want to repeat if I didn’t already fall more in love with you every day.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but she snapped a finger up to place over his lips.

“Let me finish this while I still have the courage,” she laughed nervously. “We did things out of order. And that was good.” Eleana was never good at eloquent speeches, but he was hung on every word. “I want to do everything with you. I never thought I would have a mate, but I do. I never thought I would build a home with someone, but I am. I never thought I could love someone like this, but I do.”

She cut herself off, not knowing how to voice her thoughts. She could just send them through the bond, but she wanted to say it aloud. She wanted them to be real, tangible words that she could shout from the sky.

“I want to do everything with you,” she said again, but slower, more carefully. “I know you’re my mate, but I always wished that one day I would have a marriage as beautiful as the ones I saw growing up. I always wanted a husband who was as strong as me, as smart as me, who was either as passionate about what I loved or passionate about my adoration.”

Kaden’s face crinkled in a smile. She could see tears start to line his eyes as he clued on to what she was trying to ask. He grabbed the hand covering his mouth and kissed her palm before resting it to his face.

“Yes. Yes. Yes.”

“I haven’t asked you anything yet.”

“Yes.”

She covered her face with her hand as she smiled with pure joy, her own tears matching his.

“Kaden?”

“Yes.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

He smashed his lips to hers, their tongues and teeth clashing as they tried to exude all their excitement and love in that moment in a kiss. He swept her off her feet, his hands going under her knees as he picked her up like she was already his bride. He held her close to his chest, his lips never leaving hers.

He broke from her, panting. “My front pocket,” he said breathlessly.

“Huh?” She kissed him again, her hands tangled in his hair as she tried to get as close to him as possible.

“My pocket,” he said to her lips.

He put her down and fished into his pocket. Upon grabbing something miniscule, he sunk to his knees.

“I’ve had these since the first time I went to our home. I’ve been planning to ask you to marry me since.” He pulled out two matching rings and Eleana couldn’t help the sob that broke her chest.

It had been a long time since she had shed these kind of unadulterated, happy tears. Her heart had never felt so full. It was like her whole body was starting to defrost after being in ice for a century. He was the flame that made her fae again, aliveagain, and she loved him.

She fell to her knees. With shaking hands, she took the larger band from him and slipped it onto his left hand. She then took hers and inspected it, a fresh wave of emotion hitting her as she did.

“They match our crowns,” her throat was so tight it was nothing but a whisper. She then put it onto his finger, where it would remain for the rest of their immortal lives.

/////

The day Kaden and Eleana had their mating and marriage ceremony the city of Velaris was painted in blue and gold. Banners for the couple flew throughout the city, mixing with the orange and yellows of the fallen leaves of Autumn. There was singing in the streets, so elated and loud that you could hear it all the way from the holy temple sitting just outside the city’s borders. A temple that was once wasted in a war against kings and now sat proud outside the Court of Dreams. Throngs of fae flocked to see the Lady and Lord wed, a true union of the Day and Night Courts. A Lady bred from darkness and born to reign. A Lord conceived on the night of Sprits who could see the ones this world had lost.

Regal fell short when describing the pair. Eleana with a dress of gold and navy and Kaden with a matching suit, they wore crowns unseen of and crafted so well that no fae hands could replicate such a beauty. Eleana smirked at her mate as if she had a secret, as if to say I knew there would be an occasion to make you wear that crown.

As the priestess tied their hands together with the delicate, red, symbolic ribbon while they recited their vows, there was nothing but pride and love in the room. As they spoke, their words echoed for all to hear. It made her stoic parents cry, it made his newfound father and two mothers glow, and it made their best friend place his hand on his chest to contain the utter euphoria he felt that the two he loved most were finally happy.

They recounted to all how they fell into each other, hard enough to shatter stars and to break through the night.

When they first met, and she knew he was going to be important. Their first dance, where she fell and he caught her. Their first stolen kiss on the sacred day of Starfall. The first I love you at a wedding that was not theirs. When they admitted their mutual love for each other at a lake. When he came to Velaris and found not just a city where his heart belonged but a family he belonged to. When she gave him her soul. When he claimed it for himself and gave it back to her.  

In two years, they had lived a hundred year’s worth of life. They had fought for their love and happiness and against unattainable odds they had won.

And as the Lord and Lady looked at each other, the world stopped.

They were happy. They were in love. They were together. They were at peace.

***

This is the final chapter of ACOHAD, posted on the 29th of September, 2018. The first ever chapter was posted on the 29th September, 2016. This fanfiction spans roughly the same amount of time.

Happy anniversary ACOHAD, I'll miss you.

[rapunzel1523]

Feysand Fic (Modern day)

But You Are Not Here Anymore 

‘Hey, you alri- you holding up okay?’ Mor whispered in her ear. It was such a subjective question. Feyre had no idea how to answer it. What did she mean by okay? Because she was in no way alright.

Considering the current situation though; Feyre nodded her head. She was just about as okay as could be expected in this scenario. Again her eyes found their way to the open casket a few feet away. The pain in her throat intensified. She did not have the words… she…

He looked like he was sleeping. With the sun shining on his face, illuminating his golden skin and raven hair, he looked as if he would wake up. Roll over onto his side and with his voice enticingly raspy say, ‘Morning, my love.’

Feyre had to close her eyes for a moment. She could almost see it. Him. In the soft light of early morning, in their bed. Could almost feel his warm hands brush away the hair from her face.

But when she opened her eyes, there was only the gentle caress of the wind on her face. Someone else came up to her, offered their condolences and pulled her into a hug. And it went on.

She wanted to be left alone in her grief but she wanted to do this as well. For him. As hard as it was, it had to be done. These people wanted to pay their respects. To pray for him. He would have wanted them here. He deserved that. He deserved the world.

Soon they were outside and he was being lowered into the ground. Feyre was somehow simultaneously completely numb to it all, and yet acutely aware of everything. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense. Rhys- Rhys was dead. The word clanged around her head. Dead. He was gone. Forever.

Cassian’s hand was on her back in quiet support. She wasn’t in denial. She knew he was dead. That he was never coming back. Yet somehow the complete implications of that hadn’t sunk in yet. How he would never again wake her up with slow kisses. How she would never again kiss him goodbye. They would not get drunk together and dance under the night sky. He would never again smile a-

She cut off the thought. Couldn’t bear it. An endless number of never-agains stretched out before her. She would have to consider and contend with that later. For now she had to get through the day, the next hour.

She stepped out of Cassian’s hold and walked forward with her fist full of soil. She could feel the grass through the soles of her black flats as if she were barefoot. The weather forecast had predicted the sunny day she had woken up to but now dark grey storm clouds rolled across the sky. As if the world itself were mourning the loss of a beautiful soul.

Feyre stood with her right hand slightly extended above where Rhysand now lay six feet under. She could not unclench her fist. Her hands may have been shaking. On her other hand her thumb twisted and worried the band on her ring finger. I’m not strong enough to let you go, she thought.

Accompanied by the deep rumble of thunder clouds, a fresh, cool breeze blew across the plain, rustling the leaves of the trees encircling the meadow. Blowing strands of hair away from her face. The wind was reminiscent of peace when everything inside of her was in turmoil, but Rhysand, he would have loved this wind.

A few rapid blinks and she swallowed back thickly. She realized she’d been standing here for a while now, arm raised, muscles cramping. No one had said a single word.

But she slowly uncurled her fingers; let the soil drain through them.

Feyre stepped back into place and one by one people dropped soil onto him. Azriel’s face seemed carved entirely of granite, a stony mask in place. When everyone had finished, the remaining soil was shoveled onto the casket fast disappearing from view. Cassian remained by her side, a silent pillar of strength. Her eyes were fixated on the soil filling up the hole, nails digging into her palm painfully.

And then it was done. And the crowd dissipated leaving behind the inner circle only. It was all so quick. How long had the entire thing – the service and burial- taken? An hour? Two?

Just a few moments to honor everything he was. Had been. These people had come, shed a few tears. They had been briefly touched by grief, and now they had gone home. By next week they will have forgotten all about him. Rhysand would only be a passing memory to them if that.

But what about her? What was she to do? How was she to cope with this loss? Rhys- he… He had been everything. They had built a life together. And now he was gone.

Feyre took in the freshly tilled earth among the sea of green grass. The headstone which read:

Beloved,

Friend, cousin, husband.

To the stars who listen. And the dreams that are answered.

Their friends still stood there. They had been so supportive. Azriel had quickly and efficiently organized everything for today. Mor had notified every one of the news and sent out messages. Cassian had put together the food for the wake. In some deep recess of her she was beyond grateful.

But for this last goodbye…

She let out a shaky breath. ‘I – I need some—‘

‘Can I – a moment alone with him,’ she tried again. ‘Please -‘ her voice cracked.

Mor nodded in understanding, ‘Of course. We’ll be in the church.’

‘No. Go on ahead. I- I’ll be a while.’

They left, with a lingering look at where Rhys lay buried and a worried glance at her. Feyre didn’t know if the cold was from the surrounding or from inside her.

She pulled her coat tightly around the black, knee-length dress she was wearing. Going around she sat down on the grass beside the headstone, feet tucked beneath her. Ran her fingers through the soil he was pressed beneath. Then leaned her head against the tomb-stone.

Feyre thought back to only a few months ago when he was still alive. When he had just been diagnosed. She had sat beside his hospital bed saying, ‘I don’t want to lose you.’

He lifted their conjoined hands and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her palm. ‘It is not time to worry yet’

Only a month later she had rushed him to the hospital in the middle of the night. He was having difficulty breathing. A severe nosebleed left his mouth, his chin dripping in blood. Hold on, stay with me, she had whispered throughout the car ride, and then later relentlessly pacing outside the doors of the OR.

Rhysand was unable to leave the hospital again. He should stay, the doctors had said. His condition has to be monitored.

A few days later Feyre lay beside Rhys on top of the covers of his hospital bed, when he began to speak of transferring shares, finalizing his will and ensuring smooth transition of power.

‘I can’t- think about that right now. Not when you’re…’

He had assured her that she wouldn’t have to. He would take care of it all, and she looked at him in dismay. Rhys, self-sacrificing as always. Always putting his family – their family - before himself.

‘Together. We’ll figure this out,’ she told him. He would not be alone in this.

But the disease had accelerated. And he had stopped responding to the treatment. The medication would only work for so long.

Then one day, ‘I thank God for the time we’ve had.’

‘Rhys what-‘

He reached out and cupped her face, ‘I am grateful. Beyond grateful that I found you. That we found each other. That I got to love you, and that you love me.’

He kissed her and whispered against her lips, ‘I love you. Always.’

That night, on Wednesday, May 2nd, at 1:25 a.m. Rhys died.

With her cheek pressed against stone, Feyre realized that she was crying. More time had passed than she had realized. It was pretty much dark out, and that previous hint of rain in the air was no longer so. Because now it was not only her tears running tracks down her face.

She knew she should get up and leave. She was getting more and more drenched every minute, and she seemed to be the only person left in the graveyard. But she could not get herself to move.

Feyre whispered to the dark sky, to the wind and the rain, to the soil and the gravestone she rested her head against. To any soul listening, ‘Rhys. Rhys, I love you.’

‘And I will love you for the rest of my life.’ She was completely sobbing by then. Deep shuddering sobs that left her gasping for breath.

Out of the darkness came wet footsteps. And then strong, muscular arms went around her back and behind her knees, lifting her to a warm, strong chest.

Cassian. Lifting her up and carrying her away. He held her shivering, still sobbing form close and said, ‘We need to get you dry.’

She wanted to struggle, to say no, to tell him to leave her alone; but all that came out was a broken, ‘I can’t leave him.’

Cassian pulled her even closer and held her tighter. ‘I know sweetheart. I know.’

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is my very first fic and honestly it’s kinda bad. it got sort of long and progressively worse maybe. idk. i just wrote it in the middle of the night and figured i gotta start somewhere so i posted it. i attended a funeral and had to get the feelings out i guess. anyway i hope people like it, even a little bit.

like, comment, reblog.

And constructive criticism is very much appreciated and valued.

[theseviolentdelightss]

Counting Paths X

Series Summary: After a lifetime on the run from the Empire, Reader makes a move that could have drastic impacts for both friend and foe. A Reader insert/fanfic. Gifs belong to their respective owners.

Word Count: 6204

Author’s Note: I really enjoyed writing this newest chapter and I’m so happy that I’m finally getting over my writer’s block hence the massive word count. Thank you all for sticking around and showing your support with likes and reblogs. It is always much appreciated.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX

If there was one universal truth you knew, it was that fear is poison. If you allow, it will fester and spread to the furthermost corners of your life. In war it's even worse, it's contagious...

Years ago, shortly after being bumped up to sergeant you had been sent to hold the line during a two month skirmish on a cold forest planet. A small faction of the rebellion had been almost entirely encircled by Imperial troops. It was a battle that should have been won in a matter of hours but instead dragged on for days. The shift in the world's climate brought on sudden fierce blizzards making air cover and evacuation virtually impossible. Thankfully it also kept the Empire from reinforcing their troops. Leaving you and your comrades no choice but to dig in, suppress any Imperial offensives, and maintain your position.  

Whatever the Empire lacked in numbers they made up for in artillery. Every few hours they would barrage your positions with bombing raids. It was unlike anything you had ever experienced. One minute your dug in your ranger grave, drying out your socks and suddenly the sky is exploding above you. Splitting the tops of decades old trees into splinters in bright flashes. The colors bursting in the sky were terrifyingly beautiful yet whenever they ceased came the screams. The near endless sea of voices crying out as your fellow Rebels lay broken and in pieces around you. The sight before you wasn't beautiful, only terrifying. This was hell, and you were living in it.

You watched more of your comrades die in those few short days than you cared to think of. Losing a person you care about is always a shit situation. There is no debating that, but seeing someone you've shared meals with, someone you've laughed, fought, cried with, watching them die is something else entirely. To have to listen to them wail in agony for their mother as you struggle to ebb the flow of blood inside the mess of red and wood that once was their chest. To feel a body grow still in your hands. To witness the light fade from their eyes. Moments such as that stick with you.

Simply put, it fucks you up.

There may be a more poetic way of saying it but it's the harsh truth of the matter. You're never really the same after seeing it. The true ugly face of death. Each time it happens it chips away a bit more of the person you thought you were.

One night you found one of the greener solders in your squad trying to dig a ranger grave with his bare hands. He didn't even seem to notice that he had torn off his fingernails in the process. You got him out of there quickly, set him as far back from the line as possible and told him to find a hot meal. It wasn't just for his own good, it was for all of you. Morale in combat is a domino effect. One slips and the rest gradually follow. It was part of the reason why the Rebellion warned their recruits about the dangers of forming relationships while enlisted. Caring too deeply about a particular person was a liability. If something should happen to one the other would undoubtedly struggle moving forward. Hell, they might even question rather it was worth it to fight.

Sure, they wanted you all to care about each other but preferably in a platonic manner. Not that there weren't rebels in relationships with one another. In fact many were. It was simply best if those relationships didn't take place between team members. It created too large a chance for a conflict of interest. Consider this, if one had to chose between their team members and the person they love most in the world how many wouldn't choose the latter? That was why they didn't want anyone getting too close.

Comradery was what held you all together, love had the capability to tear you apart.

Two days later you read the same soldier's name on the list of casualties and felt next to nothing. The letters of his name scribbled in small text. The paper wrinkled and torn at the side from having been passed through too many hands. The further down the list you went the more the handwriting changed. Each person updating it before passing it along. It was such an archaic form of keeping up with the dead but it was the least you all could do. There wasn't any time to mourn. All you could do was read the names and hope that when their time came it was quick and painless, however unrealistic a hope that might be.

Among the names there were a handful you recognized but far more that you didn't. The vast majority were low ranking new recruits. That in itself was telling. You weren't losing fellow sergeants of other NCOs. You were losing replacements. Such a reason was partly to blame for why you had long ago given up on befriending new recruits. They all came in the same. All geared and ready for a fight. Half the time you didn't even bother to learn their names. There was too many of them, rushing in all piss and vinegar, replacing high ranking veteran officers that other dumb new recruits got killed. Couple days later and the're lying on the ground with their guts spread out, screaming for help, begging for their mothers.

They never seemed to realize they were already dead.

When the weather finally cleared enough for your troops to evacuate there was no choice but to leave the bodies behind. Rebels aren't often lucky enough to be afforded a funeral or even a grave for that matter. Be that as it may, upon returning to base you found yourself gathering the young man's belongings from his barracks and bringing them to his mother. His jacket, a stack of notebooks, a spare pair of boots, and a photo of home. All that was left for a mother to remember her son by.

That had been the first time you traveled to Nar Shaddaa.

“I'm not typically one to pass judgement but this seems incredibly sketchy.” You mused simply. Turning to your companion and ignoring the irritated look on his face. 

Roland had filled you in on only the minor details involving his mission on the off chance that things went badly and he had to make a sudden run for it. Bringing you back to Yavin IV safely was clearly not a high priority of his. He had provided a ride to Nar Shaddaa as he had promised. Being true to his word in the simplest of measures. If he had to leave without you he would. After all, Theodren never said anything about bringing you back.

Outside the ship's windshield the smuggler's moon grew larger with each passing second. Its lights shining as brightly as they had when you had passed through a second time, nearly a year before. After fleeing from the Empire you had decided to lie low. A densely populated moon in the outer rim seemed as good a place as any. It was easy to keep your head down, take odd jobs when you could, and never stay in the same place for too long.

It wasn't exactly ideal. Try as you may to deny it you knew that deep down some part of you wanted some semblance of a normal life. To survive pass the war and know what it feels like to truly live in peace. The rational part of you argued that such dreams were unrealistic. That they would make doing what was necessary to survive that much more difficult. Truth be told you had long ago come to terms with your own mortality. That the chances of you someday seeing thirty, or even your next birthday for that matter, were debatable at best. It was better to simply accept the worse rather than to merely expect it.  

“Well I didn't ask for your opinion did I little miss 'I like to point out the fucking obvious for no fucking reason' did I?” Roland practically barked. Taking the time to mimic you and even going so far as to add overly dramatic air quotes.

By this point you were used to it. The man was unspeakably crass but after a few hours it became obvious he was just a blow hard. All bark and no bite. He cursed rampantly which was perfectly fine by you but he was also easily irritated. Other than that he was merely another solider going through the motions. Doing whatever the Rebellion required of him. Yet without a doubt, better cut out for solo missions.

“I'm not calling bullshit!” You replied, matching the volume of your voice to Roland's. “I'm simply saying that it would appear as if the Rebellion has had very little contact with this arms dealer that your procuring this shipment from. Perhaps a bit of-”

“Hush it tutz!” He barked again. “You've got your own bullshit to worry about.”

Sighing you pushed yourself out of your seat and moved to gather your things. Knowing that you would be landing soon. Shuffling through your bag you double and triple checked your belongings. Blaster, extra ammo, first aid, and macro binoculars all exactly where they should be. The ship shook beneath your feet as it entered the moon's atmosphere. The speed quickly decreasing as it began its slow decent. Tossing your pack over your shoulder you holstered your blaster beneath your coat and tried to calm yourself with the few remaining moments you had left. Assuring yourself that despite your normally pessimistic nature you were not going to fail.

You were going to find Cassian. You didn't care if it seemed crazy. You were going to find him and you were going to bring him home.

“You've got six hours” Roland shouted as you exited the ship. He had decided to dock his ship on the furthest spaceport possible. Even so, it was still fairly packed with other ships and shuttles. 98 percent of the Nar Shaddaa's surface was consumed by its ever growing cities. You could hardly walk a half a foot without crossing paths with someone. Privacy in a place such as this was a luxury few could afford.

Though it made sense for Roland to dock his ship so far out considering what he was there for it certainly didn't help him look any less conspicuous. Not to mention it would take you over an hour just to make your way into Hutta Town. Still, it was better than being stuck on base doing nothing.

“I will fucking leave you!” Roland shouted, his voice echoing through the massive loading bay.

“Your loss!” You replied, waving over your shoulder at the grumpy pilot. Clearly not distraught over the thought of being left behind. Stepping into the nearest elevator you avoid eye contact with its other occupants as floors fly by rapidly above you. The spaceport was huge but there was little to no security.  Saving you some much needed time as you slid pass the oblivious guards and made your way through one of its exists. The crisp night air blew back your hair as you stepped outside the spaceport's thick walls. Carrying with it the sounds and smells of the city that lay ahead. Instinctively you began scanning the horizon and trying to memorize landmarks. Making your way towards the bustling city streets. Cold sweat clinging to your skin like wet clothing as you finally pushed into the minor thoroughfares.

Theodren's intel hadn't given you much to go on but it had suggested a small handful of locations that had been scouted for Cassian's mission. The only option you had was to bounce between each of them and hope the dark eyed Captain would show up in one. It was too risky to ask questions, if Cassian was still working it might blow his cover. When it came to his mission all you knew was that he had been sent to make contact with a Rebel informative that may be leaking information to the Empire and to determine the truth of the matter. If the rebel that Cassian sought had in fact turned coat than Cassian's mission would have become one of assassination. Not that it would have been the first time. Given the way people spoke of him, it would seem as if Captain Andor was well versed in the act of killing. It was one of the few things the two of you shared in common. For the most part he and you were as different from each other as the sun and the moon. 

If only there could have been more happy exceptions.

In a city as crowded as this you knew that simply making your way through the streets would eat through too much of your time and time was currently of limited supply. After a fair bit of searching you at last found a building tall enough to grant you a solid vantage point and piping strong enough to climb upon. Most of the outlying buildings were condemned at best but it would have to do. Finally reaching the top you pull yourself over the small wall that separates you between the roof and what would surely be a fatal fall. Positioning yourself safely against the cool stone you carefully retrieved your macro binoculars and began scanning the vast array of buildings and crowded streets beneath you. Finding Cassian would be like finding a needle in a haystack; yet, if you could at least pinpoint the specific locations that had been scouted out for him you'd have a place to start.

It took a fair amount of searching and manuvering to finally locate one of the named locations. The sign shone a bright shade of crimson in the distance. Arcadia had been listed as a smuggler's hideout in Cassian's mission dosier. Though, its owners had done one hell of a job disguising it as what could only be described as a high class dive bar. If such a thing even exists. The inside wasn't much to look at either. Weaving through the miss matched tables and various other patrons you made your way to the bar. Unable to shake the feeling that someone was watching you. Waving over the bartender you quickly ordered your drink. Making sure to tip him well. Knowing the importance of not offending the locals as you kept your time on the clock. Though Nar Shaddah was tidally locked there were still routine doc scans implemented to civilians every hour on the hour. Bars such as Arcadia were like beacons for the Empire. They practically screamed 'criminal activity' meaning they were the first ones they hit. As the minutes ticked on you knew you had to get moving. Glancing around the room a last time before making your way back into the congested street.

All of the other locations were more of the same. You stayed long enough to look for Cassian but never long enough to raise suspicion. More often than not people were happy to ignore you and you were happy to ignore them. Even so, you couldn't shake that sensation of being watched every where you went. Finishing off your third drink you slid your money across the bar and made your way towards the exit. Thanking whatever twist of fate had granted you the capability to hold your liquor. 

Occasional alcoholism seeming to strong a term.

Hurrying out the doorway you felt that unforgiving feeling of weightlessness that preludes a sudden fall. The tip of your boot had caught on the edge of an unevenly placed brick and sent you hurdling into the passing crowd. Closing your eyes tightly you braced for the coming impact.

“The hell!” A voice shouted loudly as your bodies collided and fell in a heap on the ground. It hadn't been intentional but you had inadvertently taken some poor stranger down with you. “Y/N?”

Your head snapped up so quickly it sent a bolt of white hot pain across the back of your neck. You had become unaccustomed to being called by your true name. There were so few people left alive that even knew it. Merely a handful. Perhaps that is why you recognized this particular one instantly. Some faces are harder to forget.

“Han?” Your voice was laced with muted excitement as you spoke. 

“Its Captain.” He boasted, that same unwavering charm about him still very much intact since you had last seen him.

“Pardon me for skipping the formalities Captain Solo. Would you mind helping a girl to her feet?” 

Han had always been fairly quick on his feet and had manged to keep the two of you upright long enough to lessen the impact of your fall. Still, you weren't particularly content being pinned beneath him atop the grimy sidewalk. Just as smoothly as he spoke Han lifted you up and set you right. His hands remaining atop your shoulders as you gained your balance.

“Nice of you to drop by.” He chuckled, watching as you dusted yourself off. Your braid having came loose, allowing your normally tame curls to fall about your face. Tentatively Han brushed them aside and helped tuck them behind you ears.

“Sorry about that.” You apologized, now dusting off his vest and the side of his arms.

“What is there to be sorry for?” He teased.  “You're welcome to fall into my arms anytime you like.”

You couldn't help but chuckle, giving up the tough facade you normally wore. Feeling that false exterior fade was a welcome change. It wasn't terribly often that you found someone you felt comfortable enough to be yourself around. Han; however, was one of the few. If you ever had to choose a small group of individuals you truly trusted Han would undoubtedly be one of them. Accompanied by his fury companion, Theodren and perhaps even Cassian. The list was small but it was more than enough by your standards. Though Han did a truly spectacular job of acting like he didn't care about anyone but himself and that Wookie;  truth be told, he was a good man. When you were on the run and in desperate need of work Han had taken a risk on you with nothing to gain.  

Perhaps that is why for a time you had allowed yourself to care so deeply for him.

“You working?” You asked quietly, moving in closer to allow the strangers passing by on their way.

“Always.” He replied, leaning down to your level as he spoke. Even with the considerable height difference between the two of you this move was totally unnecessary. It was an old habit he never seemed to break, particularly not after you made it clear how you felt about personal space. Han knew what he was doing, and he damn well knew the effect it had. No matter how aggravated or frustrated you were it always managed to make your heart skip a beat. Leaving behind an uneasy fluttering that lingered.  “And what brings a lovely girl like you to a dump like this?”

“I'm looking for someone.” Your voice was little more than a whisper as you spoke but you knew he heard. Immediately his eyes drifted from your own.

“A man?” He asked simply, seeming instantly distracted.

“Yes.”

“Tan skin, dark hair?” He continued, his inquiry taking you slightly off guard as his eyes wandered towards a spot in the distance.

“How'd you know?” You asked, trying to follow his line of sight and discover how his speculation was so spot on.

“Because that broody looking fella heading this way has been watching you since you came out that door. Looks pissed at one of us. I just assumed it was me.”

Sure enough, from out of the crowded streets appeared a fiery Cassian Andor. You may have ran up to him and pulled him tightly into a hug if it weren't for the look on his face. Han was right, Cassian looked pissed.

“What are you doing here?” He hissed under his breath, those deep brown eyes boring holes into you. Demanding an answer. If only you could remember any of the dozen you had prepared. In the few seconds it took for Cassian to reach you, your heart had swelled and melted. The relief pouring over you in waves. Cassian was alive and unhurt.

“Hi.” Was all you managed. Beside you Han straightened his back, bringing himself to his full height. One hand moved to rest atop his blaster as the other found its way to the small of your back. The smuggler in him always kept Han at the ready. Papered for a fight if ever it should break out. He had no way of knowing that Cassian was your ally. Which meant it was time to get the awkward introductions out of the way if you wanted to avoid violence.  “Cass, this is Han. Han, this is Cass, we work together.“

The two men eyed each other carefully, sizing the other up. Cassian's eyes darted between you and Han, brow furrowed in confusion. You could feel Han's arm slink its way around your waist, pulling you closer, and trying to nudge you to stand behind him. It never surprised you how quickly he could shift between his gruff smuggler self to that of a gentleman. That was just Han. Granted, it was totally unnecessary, you were perfectly capable of taking yourself. Not to mention, had proven yourself a better shot than Han on numerous occasions. A fact you knew drove him mad.

“Looks like a rebel to me.” Han said, treading carefully. Clearly aware of the rising shade of red that was beginning to overcome Cassian's face. If he was pissed off before now he was furious. Not only had you gone off world but you were here, on Nar Shaddaa of all places, with this stranger it appeared you knew very well.

“Han...” You warned, moving away from the smuggler and positioning yourself between the two men. “Please.”

“Thought you swore you'd never go back to that loss cause.” Han scoffed slightly, genuinely surprised by your apparent return to the Rebellion.

“You know me, I have weakness for causes once they're truly lost.” You smiled softly, comfortable admitting it.

All those nights Han and you had laid together. Speaking in soft voices about both of your past and the pain that came from it. So many times you had sworn you would never return to the Rebellion. To never put yourself within the Empire's grasp and yet here you were. The more the smuggler looked you over the more obvious it became. Something in you had shifted since the two of you had last seen each other. A readiness to make difficult choices. To do whatever was necessary to make things right. Judging by the unwelcome grimace on the face of the man who now stood beside you it was obvious that he was your partner of some sort. Though he couldn't pin point exactly what, Han couldn't deny there was obviously something unspoken that lingered between the two rebels that stood before him.

“I was beginning to wonder where you were!” You cheered, finally glancing the large Wookie pushing through to crowd towards the three of you.

Unfazed by the tension Chewie stepped in front of his Captain and spread his arms wide. Grinning from ear to ear you hurried forward and into the welcome hug. Burying your face into his fur and closing your eyes tightly. It had been months since anyone had shown you such open kindness. Chewie roared joyfully, lifting you off the ground and taking Cassian slightly by surprise.

“I missed you too big guy.” You patted Chewie kindly on the chest as he set you on your feet. Your cheeks flushed with joy. Out of all the people you had encountered in you life there weren’t many as kind and loving, as Chewbaca. At first you had just assumed that all Wookies were simply like that; yet as you spent weeks working along side him aboard the Millennium Falcon you came to realize that he was one of the purest souls you had met. His kindness was infectious to you and made it impossible not to smile. Cassian hadn't seen you this happy since the day he took you to Sky Gazer Hill. It was evident you had a past with these two strangers. Though one was purely platonic he didn't care for the way the other man's eyes lingered on you.

“I need to speak to you.” Cassian lent forward, taking a light hold of your arm and whispering into your ear. “In private.”

The combination of the feel of Cassian's breath on your neck and his tone caused the goosebumps to raise atop your skin while simultaneously forming knots in your stomach. He would no doubt have countless questions as to why, and how you had gotten here. This sudden meeting with Han would undoubtedly require some explaining as well. The idea of having to justify your actions to Cassian was daunting. Even so, he was alive which was more than you had been told to expect. Nodding you motion for Cassian to wait as you turned your attention back towards Han and Chewie.

“It was good seeing you again.“ You began, moving towards the tall smuggler.

“You too doll.” Han replied, stepping forward and pulling you tightly into a hug. Nuzzled against his chest you could tell he was still using the aftershave you had bought him while on a job in Courusant. One of your rare happy memories. As you began to pull away he bent forward and placed a firm kiss atop your forehead. His eyes on Cassian, and not at all surprised by his obvious look of disapproval.

“Take care of him Chewie.” You instructed as you lent forward and hugged the Wookie again.

Waving to your old friends a final time before you allow Cassian to begin pulling you through the crowd. Your heart in your throat as you trailed beside the dark haired rebel. His grip still firmly on your arm. The two of you hurried like alley cats through the busy streets. Weaving in an out of the endless crowd until Cassian finally spotted a small gap in between buildings and lead you into it.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Cassian hissed, his cheeks red with anger. Standing this close you could practically feel the heat radiating off him. He wasn't just mad, he was fuming. That didn't take long. Sighing you tried to compose yourself. It might have helped if you had a bit more space to yourself but the small gap between the crumbling bricks left little wiggle room.

“I was getting cooped up on base so Theodren pulled some strings-”

“Like our trip to Skygazer Hill?” He asked coolly.

“Yes.” You stammered.

“You do know Theodren told me you asked him, right?” Again Cassian's voice was icy as he spoke. The anger inside him threatening to boil over. You weren’t exactly doing yourself any favors. If anything your were confirming a pattern.

“I-I just needed to get off world for awhile. Theodren found a job I could assist on.”

Cassian rolled his eyes, angrily pushing the hair out of his face. You hated seeing him like this, so full of aggression and frustration. It all now directed at you. Suddenly, you felt like a child trying to lie for the first time. All of that confidence, that poise  you prided yourself on was stripped away. 

“On Nar Shaddaa of all places, and you expect me to not find that odd?” Cassian replied sarcastically, he clearly wasn't buying it.

“Yes!” You snapped, the pain at having been left in the dark causing your heart to thump angrily against your chest. “It's not like I could have known you were here. You didn't tell me anything, you just left!”

Sighing, you turned your attention towards the street beside you. Desperate to escape this moment. As bad as you felt about lying to Cassian you were equally hurt by what he had done. You would have never asked him to stay behind. You knew too well just how much the Rebellion meant to him. How important of an asset he was to them. You simply wished he trusted you enough to have told you he was leaving. A simple heads up would have been appreciated.

“Look I'm-” Cassian began, but as your eyes continued to gaze over the mass of faces passing by the sight in front of you caused you to cut him off.

“Fuck!” You gasped, your eyes glued to the polished white uniforms heading your way. “Troopers.”

Cassian's eyes widened with worry for a moment before he began searching for a possible escape. It was futile. The two of you were literally squeezed inside a 4 by 4 stone box with the only possible exit being the street. That was a definitive no. If Cassian and you suddenly took off it would raise even more suspicion. Granted the two of you were currently nuzzled into a small confine space, speaking in hushed voices, and looking rather out of place so your chances weren't terribly high to begin with. If you were found the troopers would undoubtedly ask to see papers.

“We're trapped.” Cassian said, his voice quite but definite. Once again carefully glancing into the street. Only this time he wasn't searching for a chance at escape, he was counting heads, weapons, searching for any possible way to high ground. Ignoring the odds and the high probability of death. He just needed to think of something quickly.

“We can't just stand here waiting to be caught.” You insisted, the sudden fear growing inside you like a cancer. Branching out from inside your chest. From the heels of your feet to the tips of your fingers it felt as if every muscle tensed. That instinctual reflex of bracing for a crash once you know it’s inevitable. This was why you had always detested the way fear effected you. It made you rash, on edge, never considering the long term consequences of your actions until it was too late. Until you had already dove head first into whatever foolish situation you had found yourself in.

“They’re checking scan docs.”

“How many are there?” You asked, trying to at least get an idea of what you were up against. 

“Too many. ” Cassian said even as he readied his blaster. Reaching forward you took a hold of his hands. Pulling the blaster from his grip you slid it beneath his jacket. Reaching around his waist to place it firmly in its holster. “What are you doing?”

“We can't fight our way out.” You muttered. “And we can't run.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?” Cassian demanded, he hadn't expected you to give up so easily. That wasn't the women he had come to know. Even now, you didn't look defeated, as if you had something up your sleeve. Knowing you, it would be something reckless and likely result in you getting yourself killed. As your hand began its slow crawl for your own blaster it became obvious that Cassian's assumptions had been correct.

“We can’t, but you can.” You stated firmly. Quickly pulling out your blaster and willing Cassian to do as you said. Praying that he would listen and resist the urge to be a hero. Instead he reached forward and gripped your wrist tightly.

“Don't!” He shouted. The volume of his voice was far louder than he had intended.

“We're not both getting out of here Cassian.” You insisted, trying to free your wrist from the Captain's grip but he wasn't letting up. The steady thump, thump, of the troopers synchronized footsteps moving closer. Sighing you tried again to free yourself but to no avail. You were already too late. The window of opportunity had passed. Even if you fired upon the troopers now they would still capture Cassian. The tightness grew and twisted inside your chest. “I can't let you die here.”

Cassian could see the panic washing over your face. That far away look of failure in your eyes. The  faint sound of your voice breaking as you spoke. For all the countless hours spent together he had never seen you express so much emotion. You were kind, funny, and even sarcastic at times; but, for the most part you kept your emotions to yourself. The only person he had ever seen you become worked up over was Theodren and the two of you had been friends for years. That made sense. This, however, took him by surprise. He had been so angry with you for following him here, and truthfully he likely still would be if you two somehow managed to survive this. Even so, for all his anger he couldn't deny the pang in his heart at the idea of you caring enough to do so.

“We aren't going to die here.” He uttered in a low whisper, the sound of the troopers radio conversation now near enough to hear. There was no more time for waiting. Leaning forward Cassian cradled your neck in his hand and kissed you firmly. You couldn't help but gasp as he pressed his body flush against yours. Now wrapping his other hand around your waist, leaning you against the wall as he deepened his kiss. Though the shock had yet to wear off as the troopers grew closer you began to understand the strategy at play here. This wasn't merely some outburst of emotions during a moment of desperation. It was a distraction. Typically, most people turn away from the sight of two strangers going at it. Troopers, for all their training, are no different.

That; however, didn't seem to stop Cassian from making this moment appear as authentic as possible. As his tongue grazed your bottom lip you did your best not to let it unsteady you. This was all an act after all and if you wanted those troopers to buy it than you needed it to be convincing. Playing the part you draped your arms over Cassian’s shoulders and returned his kiss. Weaving a single hand through his hair, admiring the softness off it as it slid gently through your fingers. Though you tried to fight it, the true reason for your current situation began to disappear into the far recesses of your mind. Instead you focused on the warmth of Cassian's hand pushing underneath the hem of your shirt and to flesh beneath. His rough fingers squeezing your hip as he pulled you even closer. 

Two dozen white suits passed by with hardly a glance in your direction. The coast was now clear. It had worked. If you had been thinking clearly you would have stopped then and there. Pulled apart from Cassian, and tried to laugh it up as a win. Ignoring the very unnerving truth of it.

You should have stopped, but you didn't. 

Something unspoken had passed between the two of you. Leaving each of you breathless and grasping for more. You weren't sure how long you may have continued if you hadn't felt an old familiar sting. That drop in your stomach that you always tried so hard to ignore.

Pulling away from Cassian the two of you stood breathlessly in front of each other. Hair and clothing out of place. Faces covered in cool sweat.  Neither of you had been expecting such a moment and now neither of you knew how to address it. Even with everything clamoring in your mind something told you that you had to leave. That something was wrong. That someone else needed you. It was an unnerving and unignoble feeling. That feeling of falling that capitulates you awake.

Something terrible was about to happen.

“I have to go.” You mumbled, squeezing out from between the wall and Cassian before hurrying down the busy street. Unable to catch your breath as you pushed through the endless stream of bodies, unsure of where it was you were even going. It was as if some invisible rope was pulling you forward, leading you down the alleyways and around corners. Taking you further away from the very real truth of what had just happened. Of what it meant. 

That's the thing about fear. We spend the majority of our lives afraid of what could happen, what might happen, what might not happen.  We fight wars because of it. With each other. With ourselves. Never truly realizing that fear is the real enemy.

[tessalivesandbreathesbooks]

Love at Last

Love as Last is an AU set in the human world where you’re going to find characters from both, ACOTAR and ToG. You’ll learn the life and struggles of the characters as the story progresses.

If you had lost hope and thought I had abandoned this story ... well, you were WRONG! Here’s the next chapter! I hope you all enjoy it. It was a bit difficult to write, but mostly because I wanted ti to be perfect. And that’s it. Oh and thanks to @lovecakeandmore for her constant support!

Chapter 13 (AO3)

Nesta's POV

Nesta fidgeted nervously with the hem of her dress.  She was standing right before La Giara, the restaurant where Cassian worked and where yesterday, she had agreed to let him take her on a date, something she didn't know if it was a terrible idea ... or the best she had ever had. She had felt quite accomplished then, but right now she didn't know what to think.

She hadn't been waiting for long, but each minute that passed felt like forever and she could feel herself growing more anxious. What she didn't quite know was if these nerves came from the date itself or the boy she was about to have it with ... but she guess it had to do more with the latter.

She had barely slept thinking about it. Her stomach had become a massive ball of nerves and right now she was fighting the urge to throw up. Her heart was beating so hard it threatened to come out off her chest, her palms were sweating and her knees were shaking lightly.

It had taken her forever to decide what to wear. She had never thought she would become one of those girls who would spend hours and hours selecting a dress, but apparently she had. She had needed a whole hour to choose the dress she was wearing and another hour to convince herself to actually wear it.

She wondered how Cassian would react when he saw her. She wondered if he felt as nervous as she felt right now.

And if he was ever going to come.

She looked at her watch and then at both sides of the street. He should be here any minute now and then ... then everything would begin.

Her insides became a tight knot and it became hard to breathe.

Pull yourself together, Nesta.

She considered going back home for about a second before firmly shaking her head. She wouldn't back out, not now. Not when she was here. Not when he had promised Cassian and Feyre to try. There would be no more games, no more hiding.

This is it.

And that's when she heard it. Her whole body went rigid at the sound of that voice ... the sound that had tormented her day and night.

"Nesta."

No more games, no more hiding.

She slowly turned her head.

It was an effort to keep her face neutral before him, to prevent him from knowing just how much his presence affected her. He made her feel breathless and a little light-weighted, utterly powerless as she gazed into his eyes ... a beautiful amber colour both brilliant and intense that seemed to vibrate between them.

He was the most handsome man she had ever seen. He was wearing black trousers tucked into high, polished dark books and an open necked white shirt with its sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Something that might have looked ordinary on a random guy, but not on him. Never on him.

She couldn't look away.

"Cassian."

He looked her up and down and smiled. "You look amazing."

She felt something warm settling in the pit of her stomach. "So do you."

His smile grew even wider. "So, are you ready?"

She nodded. "As ready as I will ever be."

"Okay. Well." He run a hand through his hair and let out a nervous chuckle. "Before you say anything I'm going to tell you what I've prepared for this evening so you can tell me whether you like it or not."

She felt herself smiling. "Is it so bad you actually need reassurance?"

He ignored her and kept going. "My plan is to go in there," he pointed to the closed restaurant before them, "and make sure you eat the best Italian food of your life."

Nesta looked at the restaurant, then at him. "You know it's closed, right?"

"I asked the boss for the keys. He gave them to me, along with the permission to take some food." He grinned. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't get arrested for trespassing. That's for second dates exclusively."

Nesta felt a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "And who's going to cook, genius?"

"Me, of course."

"You?"

Cassian smirked. "Yeah, me. Is there a problem?"

"Maybe."

Cassian arched his brow and she rolled her eyes. "No offense, but you don't look like the cooking type."

Cassian grinned. "Have a little faith, sweetheart. There's a lot of things you have yet to discover about me."

"Like your cooking skills?"

"Oh, most definitely my cooking skills. You won't be able to stay away from me once you've seen what these hands can do." He winked at her.

Nesta shook her head, but there was amusement shining over her features. "If I end up in hospital with an intoxication ... you'll be so dead, Cassian."

Cassian chuckled and offered her his arm. "Come on, Nesta."

Nesta rolled her eyes and strolled past him. She heard him laugh behind her as he followed her to the restaurant, a wide smile on his face.

Nesta leaned against the kitchen counter as she watched Cassian, who was slicing vegetables with a precision that astonished her. As soon as he had entered the kitchen, he had looked for an apron and for the ingredients he needed for whatever he was doing. She had asked, but he had refused to tell her what it was. He wanted it to be a surprise, which made her feel both angry with impatience and touched at his thoughtfulness. Now, watching him as he kept cooking made her feel strangely warm inside. She had never had the chance to see him like this ... so focused on something. It was kind of adorable.

Not that she would ever say it out loud.

She cleared her throat. "So, where did you learn how to cook?"

Cassian smiled knowingly. "Still afraid I'll end up poisoning you?"

"One can't be too careful."

He shook his head lightly as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. He kept on cooking as he muttered. "I learnt on my own. I lost my family when I was child and from there on I was forced to take care of myself. I was given to my uncle, but he was quite sick so it's not like he could do much for me. I had to learn to do most things by myself."

Nesta blinked, startled. "But ... but I thought ... Azriel ... you told me he was your brother."

"Not by blood. When my uncle died I was given to an orphanage because I had no family left. Azriel and I had known each other for a while then because we went to the same school. When I told him what had happened, he talked to his parents and they agreed to adopt me and we've been together ever since."

Nesta's mouth dried. "I-I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. It must have been horrible."

Cassian looked up to meet her stare. "It was, but I'm over it. A lot of time has passed."

Nesta shook her head. "I don't think you can get over something like that. The past will always haunt you whether you like it or not."

At that, Cassian stiffened slightly. A few seconds went by before he conceded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But I've learnt to live with it so it can no longer affect me. I'm better than I was back then."

Nesta nodded slightly. "I'm glad."

Cassian smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah."

Cassian gathered his utensils and kept on cooking, as if nothing had happened, but Nesta sensed there was something off. She knew she ought to say something, but she couldn't think of what. There were no words for that kind of pain that mattered in the end. There was nothing she could say to make him feel better, nothing she could do.

Except ... perhaps talking about herself. Because he was not alone in his grief, she had been there too.

And perhaps that was what one needed the most ... to know they were not alone.

So she talked, which is something she had never allowed herself to do. "My mother died when I was a child too."

Cassian looked up and she closed her eyes. "You would think we saw it coming since she had cancer, but the truth is ... none of us did. When it happened ... I thought I would never recover. My whole world fell apart and I didn't know what to do. If it hadn't been for Feyre ... we wouldn't have made it. She was the one to prepare the funeral, to get in touch with every familiar we had to explain our situation, to find us financial air ... while our father spent every single one of our savings in alcohol and I cried desperately in my room."

She heard Cassian's faint voice. "Are you truly blaming yourself for mourning your mother?"

Nesta shook her head. "You don't understand. I should have been the one that helped, the one my family could rely on. I should have kept my act together."

"Nesta, you were a child. You had just lost your mother."

Nesta opened her eyes as something dangerous and fiery danced in them. "So did Feyre, but she managed ... she managed what I should have managed. I failed Cassian, I failed them ... when they needed me the most."

Cassian didn't say anything immediately. Instead he started to walk towards her. Their eyes locked as he approached her, as he slowly made his way towards her until he was standing before her.

Her mouth dried. "Cassian -"

He didn't so much as blink as he drew her into his arms and held her tight. Nesta clung to him and let out a deep breath she hadn't known she had been holding. Ever so slowly, he muttered. "Did you know I spent a whole week crying over my parents?"

With that, Nesta stiffened. Cassian continued softly. "I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. And I cried when my uncle died too. So I know exactly what you went through because I felt the same way. I could only imagine having to take care of others during that time. I don't think I would have been able to."

Nesta shook her head against his neck. "This is not a competition."

"Believe me, I know. I guess what I mean to say is ... you are not weaker just because you cried more than Feyre did. And you definitely should spend the rest your life blaming you for everything that happened after your mother died."

Nesta opened here mouth then closed it. Cassian smiled faintly against her cheek and quietly let her go. "And now that that's settled ... I should keep cooking. Otherwise you might never make it home."

She rolled her eyes. "Some would consider that a blessing."

Cassian chuckled. "You know, I would have never expected our first date to go like this."

"Yeah ... sorry. It's all my fault."

"There is nothing to apologize for. All I'm saying is ... I want you to have a good memory of this. Of us. And I'm not sure if I'm achieving that."

Nesta considered. "You know ... I have never talked about any of this with anyone, not even with my sisters."

Cassian's brows shot up at that and she nervously looked away. "I guess what I'm saying is ... I trust you, against my better judgment. I know nothing about you, but I do trust you. So whatever you think you need to achieve ... you already have, Cassian."

Cassian seemed to consider her for a moment. His gaze was locked with hers when he asked softly. "What do you want to study in college?"

She blink, clearly surprised. "Why?"

"You said you know nothing of me. Which is accurate, but the truth is I don't know anything about you either. And I would like to."

Nesta sighed. "I want to study Law."

"That's a tough one."

"I guess. What about you?"

Cassian smiled. "I should be in college, but ... my parents can't afford to send us both Azriel and I so we agreed to send him first and then we would see what to do with me. For now, what I'm doing is to work and save."

Nesta frowned. "But ... that's not fair for you."

Cassian shrugged. "One of us couldn't go and after everything Azriel's done for me, I couldn't take that away from him. Besides, he's a better student that I am."

Nesta smiled. "Yeah, I guess so."

Cassian laughed. "That's what not what you were supposed to say."

"What was I supposed to say?"

"Anything but that."

Nesta laughed and hit Cassian playfully in the arm. Both of them kept talking and talking until it was so late it was ridiculous to even try to cook something. But Cassian was set to it and this time Nesta insisted to help.

Because she wanted to have a good memory of this.

Of them.

Together.

Nesta sat in front of Cassian as he served them both. Working together, it had taken them at least an hour to prepare their dinner.

But she wouldn't change any of it. She hadn't had so much fun with someone in a long time.

As soon as he had served them both he got up and grabbed a bottle of wine from the refrigerator. Nesta looked at the whole process with a smile of her face.

When Cassian finished pouring them some wine, he said. "For a memorable yet tragic first date."

Nesta laughed. "For no intoxications."

Cassian laughed and they both drank and ate and talked.

And it was everything she had hoped for.

Stars were shining faintly above them when they got out of the restaurant. They were both walking quietly through the streets when Cassian suddenly said. "So."

"So?"

"How was it?"

Nesta made a show of considering it. "Mm ..."

Cassian grinned. "Mm?"

"I guess it was okay."

"Are you being serious right now?"

Nesta shook her head slowly and turned to look at Cassian, who was looking at her intently. "You are really going to make me say it, don't you?"

Cassian smiled tentatively and her heart skipped a beat. She grunted. "Damn it, Cassian. It was great ... you were amazing. And you know it so stop fishing for compliments, alright?"

She started walking ahead, but all of a sudden, she felt his fingers closing around her elbow, yanking her around to face him. She gasped as she landed right into the strength of his arms, as he brought her closer wrapping his arms around her waist to whisper against her ear. "Can you say that again, sweetheart? I don't think I heard it correctly."

Nesta laughed nervously, but didn't move. "You are such an idiot."

Cassian chuckled, his breath warm against her ear. He leaned back and their gazes locked as they held to each other.

It felt incredible to be close to him. He made her feel alive in so many ways. She liked the sound of his voice and the way his eyes sparkled when he was happy. She loved how he run his hands through his hair when he was nervous and how he moved his hands when he talked, as if he couldn't help but get into the story. But right now, what she loved was the way he was looking at her, as if she were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes upon.

She didn't know whether it was the wine she had drunk earlier or the beauty of the night that surrounded them at this very moment, with starlight and moon full and bright. She didn't know whether it was the fact that it was Cassian the one standing before her ... but what happened next was not something Nesta Archeron would have normally done.

She ignored every voice in her head that told her to wait, to be careful, to guard her heart and she just rose to her tiptoes to kiss him. He gasped in surprise as their lips touched and she could feel his hesitation, as if he knew there were still some parts of hers that refused to fully accept what was happening. But as she pressed herself against him she could feel his hesitancy disappear and the next thing she knew, he was kissing her back.

And the world just melt away.

Sparks flew in every direction as they held onto each other. She hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and delved inside her mouth. Their lips were moving in perfect synchrony as his hands grabbed her by the waist and pulled him even closer to him. Her arms reached up and tangled around his thick and strong neck, grabbing him softly by his hair and making him grunt against her mouth.

As the kissed progressed it became more passionate, even rougher. It was as if they couldn't get enough of each other. They were both breathing heavily when they finally pulled apart.

Cassian's forehead came to rest against hers. His breath was rough and warm on her face and it made her smile softly. It wasn't until some time had passed when he said, at last. "That ... that was definitely something."

Nesta arched her brow. "A good something or a bad something?"

Cassian chuckled. "The best kind of something."

Her smile grew wider. "That's good."

Cassian smiled back. He felt her fingers running up and down her back and she sighed happily, pressing her face against his neck. He tightened his embrace. "Nesta?"

"Hmm?"

"Why ... why did you do this? It wasn't because you are drunk, was it?"

"No. It was because I wanted to."

Cassian chuckled. "Well, then." He stayed quiet for a few seconds before asking quietly. "I really like you, Nesta."

"I really like you too."

She felt him smiling against her cheek. "Does that mean I scored a second date?"

Nesta felt something tightening on her chest. She buried her face against his shoulder, relishing in his scent as she answered. "A second, a third, a fourth ... all of them. If want to."

And right now there was not a moment of hesitation as he lifted her face to his. This kiss was different than the last one. In this one there was no rush, no desperation. The touch was feather-like, something delicate and precious that made her shiver. Their lips moved softly against each other, leaving them breathless and craving for more.

When he pulled back a few minutes later, he leaned into her ear and whispered. "That's all I've ever wanted to do since I laid my eyes upon you."

That's all I've ever wanted too, she wished to say, but Cassian pulled her back for another kiss and her words were lost among the intensity of the moment.

[theglitteringbook]

Fenrys can winnow and nobody knows how. Let's say Rhys and Feyre have a child, or worst case scenario, Feyre/Rhys dies or gets injured and either Lucien and Elain, Nesta and Cassian even Azriel and Morrigan, have a baby and name it after them.

No Laughing Matter

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Fenrys laughed, and the rest of the Inner Court joined in with him. It had been a long time since they had all been together, happy in a room, since Rhys died. Feyre still had a gleam in her eye, though. Her mates death had broken her, but she no easy game. Morrigan said so everyday doing the worst part of Feyre’s grieving period. Although Feyre suspected she’d never love again, she decided the worst part of Rhys’s death was that he would not watch the infant Feyre held in her arms grow. As laughter danced around the room, she stopped hearing words and the sounds became only that: sounds. Feyre zoned out frequently, and while she didn’t know if it was healthy, she couldn’t really stop. The closest way back to Rhysand was through her memories, and she was losing them as time went on.

Feyre had come to realize immortality was not such a gift-it was more like a responsibility, something that she would always have and never be able to shed; it was neither good or bad. It could either keep her on her toes, or break her to her core.

Both, she decided. Both.

Morrigan also held a child in her arms, and Elain was six months along, and looking ready to burst. Nesta was not having it, and Cassian was doing everything in his power to make his lover conceieve. But, Nesta, was still not having it.

Feyre chuckled at the thought, and everyone drew their eyes to her. When she looked up, realizing she was being stared at, her face painted itself beet red. She must’ve laughed at the wrong time. Damn it. With the common removal of herself from the world, this was not a rare thing, and everyone dismissed it. Mor, who sat next to her, even freed a hand from her child to rub Feyre’s back, if only for a moment, before returning to whatever she was saying.

Fenrys had gotten into Prythian close to around the time Rhys died, Feyre remembered. It had made them close. Extremely close. He was the one who had found her, shaking and distant, in an alleyway, after she’d seen Rhys be murdered before her own eyes. They had been visiting human lands for a continental meeting of all kingdoms, and Rhys…Gods, Rhys had let his guard down while he had ascended the stairs with his mate, that neither of them noticed the arrow that was about to pierce his neck, shot by the man on the roof of the castle where they were to meet. It was near Feyre’s old village, if she recalled correctly. Probably not.

When Rhys had been shot, chaos had broken out. Guards were shouting, council members in a standstill shock, queens and kings staring in horror, and Feyre, Feyre on her knees screaming with her ear over his heart. Fenrys had picked her up, and stolen her away into the night in. He recovered Rhysand’s body not soon after, and the burial became a funeral for three.

She didn’t prefer the others to see her cry, so she let the room. Muttering a small, “excuse me”, she pushed her way through the roudiness of the living room within the House of Wind.

Feyre made her way to her new bedroom-they didn’t let her keep the sheets or room. Mor said she would not be able to move, with tears of her own in her eyes, and Azriel said that was the smartest way to go about things. Cassian had simply nodded, a hand on Feyre’s shoulder as her heart shattered again, seeing her things moved into the new room.

She resented the new space for awhile, but soon grew to realize what a foolish notion that was. The baby loved it, with the large six panel window looking out over the whole of Velaris-the baby seemed to have a special fascination with lights. Feyre didn’t mind. She simply couldn’t wait for the baby to grow up, along with Mor’s. And she looked forward to Elain’s birth, too.

That’s what she had learned about grief so far. You had to keep yourself busy to keep going, and staying in bed all day was not an option, hard as it was some days ro even flip the sheets.

And, she found she was recovering, and possibly finding herself pursued by Fenrys, who had gone without a lover the whole time Feyre had known him.

She smiled to herself, thinking maybe it was time to give her baby a living father her real father would’ve been proud of.

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What is this one AM writing. I hope you enjoyed that. I’m proud of it so I hope I’m not deluding myself lmao. Honest feedback? Thanks for…stating that? Asking that? I have a feeling this was not supposed to be a fic but I could not help myself, I am not sorry. :)