#he wasnt like anyone id met before..... maybe a bit like Friday.

[thetangibleghost]

Dreamt I meet my "soulmate". I don't even believe in soul mates but in the dream I just. Had one. I meet him and it was like the world flipped over and I was on the other side. It was a long dream I don't remember a ton of it but I remember the way he looked at me from across a crowded room.

[babyshawwn]

Say It First (smut)

MASTERLIST

Word count: 5.6k.

I had just gotten off from yet another busy day of rehearsing with the guys for the up-coming tour around Europe and though I was excited to get back on the road again, I was feeling rather exhausted and a slight headache was beginning to nag me. 

As much as I loved what I did and my insane schedule was mostly fun to me, I couldn’t deny that working non-stop and traveling the world left it obvious traces on me when I forgot to relax once in a while as well. 

As Mike gave me a ride home, I was too tired to listen to his endless rambling about drumsticks and music, but I managed to nod at the right times and seem somewhat interested in what he was going on about. 

I stared out of the window as cars passed beside me in the dark while thinking about what the plans were when I got home. I was currently living with my best friend – since she had gotten kicked out of her dorm for smoking weed, which wasn’t really a surprise to me – but it was nice for once having someone around when I was home. 

I had known her for years and years and I guess she made me feel less lonely. Suddenly I wasn’t all alone with my thoughts, I actually had someone to share them with, someone who never seemed to judge me. 

Since it was a Saturday night, the chances of her going out with friends and dragging me along was rather high but I didn’t really mind it, though. Her friends were pretty cool and I always had a good time when being around them. 

And really, I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could. Alone or with others, it didn’t matter to me. I felt more comfortable when she was around, a little less tense and I lately, I’d been craving that feeling more than I usually did. 

Mike turned into the familiar parking lot as I reached for my bag, thanking him for the ride home before jumping out of the black car and headed towards my apartment. As I unlocked the front door and stepped into the hall, I couldn’t hear any signs of her being home. 

Sadly.  

No loud music, no chatting in the distant nor any noise from the tv in the living room. The lights were out too and her coat wasn’t laying on the floor, I noticed, since I wasn’t tripping over it on the way in as usual. 

She was great, rather messy but great. 

I figured she had already left for town, half drunk on a bottle of vodka with a friend in her arm, singing along to some indie song, I’d never heard before. 

A slight disappointment reached the surface of my stomach as I pushed the warm hoodie over my head and carelessly let it fall on the floor. Moving my head to each side, desperately trying to ease up my tense muscles, my ears suddenly caught a faint, unfamiliar, rather strange noise coming from the end of the dark hallway. 

At first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but as I walked further towards the source of the noise, it sounded like a small sob coming from y/n’s room at the end of the hall. 

A sudden heat flashed to my cheeks as I realised it was a soft moan and the panic began pumping in my veins as the noises grew wider. 

Who was she hooking up with? That dude from last Friday night? Maybe the one from the Drake concert?

As I wondered about it, a sudden tug started in my chest and forced a sharp pain to spread within a few seconds. The thing was, I was completely smitten with her. I probably always had been. From when we met each other as kids, into our younger years starting school and all the way till now. 

I had always convinced myself it was a silly, little crush that would pass at some point but no, ever since she moved in and we practically spend each waken moment together, I found myself falling all in her. 

Her long, wavy hair and those warm eyes. The way she bit the tip of her fingernail when she was fully focused on something to the way her smile could light up a room when she walked in. She was without a doubt the most beautiful person, I had ever come across. And I was all about her.  

We had always been the complete opposite of each other. She was wild and adventurous and I had a boring habit of playing it safe and thinking too much. 

She just jumped into it without any regrets and I had always been insanely attracted to that side of her. 

Her spur of the moment decisions that either got her in trouble or ended up being another great story to tell. She had intrigued me at the beginning simply because she was everything I wasn’t and even after years of knowing her, she still took me by surprise, she still caught me off guard. 

And the way she acted around me, that was without a doubt the best thing about her. She was fun and always innocently flirting with me, her spontaneous ways and weekend get-aways made me feel young again, free. Maybe even a little careless. 

And the way she was always making sure I was okay and always made me feel better whenever life was hard to handle, I loved that about her. She always put other people before herself.

She had always been there, with absolute no judgement, she had always taken care of me when I was falling apart at three in the morning. 

One night, she had found me sobbing my eyes out on the floor in the living room and I had been terrified of her reaction to it, because I had never let anyone see my weak sides before. And all she did, was hold me. She held me to her chest the entire night, knowing it was all I needed her to do. She was and had always been my rock. 

And though all of this had been going on for years, I still had to suffer when she brought home guys and hooked up with them in the room next to mine. I still had to suffer when she asked me advise about guys or had me help her pick them up at bars and clubs. And I guess, I just did the same as her. To hide the pain. 

I’d never said anything, though. She would probably have a mental break down if she knew how I felt about her and our friendship would probably become too awkward or uncomfortable to deal with. 

She didn’t do boyfriends. Heck, she didn’t even do love. And she definitely didn’t do either of those things with me. 

I heard it again, another moan from her bedroom, this time louder and a little husky. My body was tense and I felt the urge to bite my bottom lip hardly as I continued hearing sensual whimpers from her room. 

“Fuck” she gasped with a sore cry as I felt the heat rush down my spine.  

I knew I shouldn’t be listening to her having sex – it was just weird - but somehow her sweet groans forced my body to freeze completely outside her door. 

“Mhh, Shawn.” 

Wait, was that? 

My mouth dropped completely and my eyes widened fully as I heard my name escape her mouth. 

What the heck was going on? 

I creeped over to her door, which was cracked just a tiny bit open. Silently, pushing it to open just a tad more, I felt an uncomfortable feeling reach the surface of my stomach, knowing I was fully invading her personal space in this very moment. I was just confused and a bit curious to what was going on. 

I peeked through the tiny crack of her door while keeping my balance with my hands on the doorframe, trying to make as little noise as possible. My eyes caught her heated, red face as her head was resting against the white headboard and her eyes were tightly shut while she was fingering herself roughly. 

Once again, a massive wave of heat flushed my face and I felt sweet, sensual tickles between my thighs as I watched her pleasured face and heard the slight whimpers from her pink lips.

She was fully naked and her perfect, plump boobs were slightly bouncing as her fingers continued pumping in and out of her wet core. She was dripping – leaving traces on her black sheets – as the squinting sounds from her fingers colliding with her wet centre filled my ears. 

I felt myself grow hard at the sight as my toes curled when another loud moan escaped from her perfect, little mouth. My body was tense and the throbbing feeling in my pants grew stronger each second, I stood here, peeking on her like this. 

She was gasping for air and her chest was covered in small drops of sweat. Her legs were spread wildly apart and her toes were curling the sheets from the sexual frustration she was clearly giving herself. 

Her hair was messy and sticking to her sweaty neck as she threw her head back and whimpered once again. 

“Fuck, Shawn…” She cried as she added another finger and forced them in deeper this time. 

Drops of white liquid ran out of her as her fingers twisted inside her throbbing core. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I realised she was fantasising about me; all alone in her bed, wet and horny. 

And so fucking beautiful. 

I was beyond turned on already as my hard cock pressed against the tight fabric of my jeans. I was aching from hearing her raspy voice moan out my name, throbbing from the idea of her finger-fucking herself to the thought of me, growing harder with every whimper that fell from her trembling lips. 

She was so wet, so ready and all because the idea of me.

A warmth rose in my dry throat and somewhat of a loud groan suddenly sounded from my mouth gaping wide open. 

“Shawn?” She asked as her eyes popped wide open. 

The loud sound from my mouth drew her attention to the crack at the door and shortly after, her wild eyes fell on my shadow, hiding cowardly behind. She didn’t remove her slurred eyes from mine but she continued sliding her fingers in and out roughly as she used her thumb to add more pleasure against her slippery clit. 

I was a little confused, a tad uncomfortable and pretty fucking heated from the surprise of how she carelessly continued masturbating after she had caught me watching her from a distant. 

Her tongue slipped across her pink lips as she hummed sweetly while her fingers spun inside her and made her strain a muscle as a shot of pleasure made her exposed body tremble. 

She locked our eyes together and bit roughly into her bottom lip, knowing she had caught the boner hiding in my pants. I scratched the back of my head as I tried removing my eyes from her, but somehow, they always ended on her body again. 

“y/n… I-I sh-“ I stuttered as the heat spread further. 

I felt a sharp yank between my thighs as I rubbed them together to get some sort of friction to my cock throbbing for her. Sensually, she licked her lips and lowered her eyes to my hard dick. 

“Oh Shawn.” She hummed, tilting her head with a tiny smile. 

“Arr-are you?” I stumbled over my words as I felt a tight knot in my stomach.

“Thinking about you?” she asked teasingly with a massive smile on her face. “Yes, Shawn. I am.” 

I swallowed as her playful words sent a warmth, tickle feeling down my spine. 

“You like what you see?” She breathed, bucking her hips to fully expose her dripping core to my lusting eyes. 

I couldn’t find the words to speak, but nervously I managed to nod at her teasing question. I had thought about her naked on many occasions, but this vision was much better than I could have ever imagined it in my mind. 

Roughly, she removed her wet fingers from her core and put them into her mouth, sucking her juices with a moan. 

“Fuck.” I breathed as I watched her mouth moved around her fingers. 

“You want to taste too?” 

“Please.” I gasped out as I felt a tremble. 

She held out her fingers – the fingers – and then I didn’t waist more time on watching her. Swaying across the room, I kneeled on the white bed as she watched me carefully while I put her fingers into my mouth. 

Shutting my eyes, I let my tongue lick her as her sweet taste exploded in my mouth. She groaned as my tongued played with the tip of her fingers and I forced a rough suck every other second. 

I had imagined this moment in my head for such a long time, I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the fact, that this was actually happening. At last. 

Suddenly, her hand tugged into my curls and forced chills down my back. She removed her fingers from my mouth and let them slide down my damp neck, leaving wet traces behind on the way. Her fingertip followed my clenched jawline as she sent me a tiny smile. 

“So you were thinking about me?” I asked, stuttering over my words. 

“I was.” 

“What were you thinking about?” I found myself asking as another flushed reached my already steamy cheeks. 

“Oh Shawn, always so shy.” She whispered as her thumb slipped to my lips and pushed them from each other. 

She bended forward for her mouth to reach my ear and I held my breath when she came closer. 

“I was thinking how this…” Her hand stirred to between my legs and brushed against my hard cock. “Would feel inside me.” 

I whimpered as her fingers moved around in small circles against my most sensitive area. Biting hardly into my bottom lip, I tried somehow coping with the massive amount of sexual frustration she was giving me with her gentle touches. I pressed my heated neck against her face as she let out groan from the contact with my skin. 

“Is it bad that all I want to do is fuck you?” I asked her as she continued sending waves of frustration through my body. Moving her fingers into my hair, she pushed my head further against her mouth. 

“I’ve wanted you to for so long.” She admitted. 

“You never told me.” 

“I thought I gave you plenty of signs.” She whimpered desperately, feeling my breath against her skin. 

Thinking about it, maybe she did, but as always, I was too much of a pussy to do anything about it. I was too scared of misreading the signals and ruining the bond we had grown strong throughout the years. 

“I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship.” 

“Really, Shawn?” 

“What?” I asked confused at her statement. 

“Friends don’t look at each other like we do.” She muttered as her eyes locked on mine. 

For a second, her stare was vulnerable as she forced in air between her lips. I smiled lovingly at her, knowing she was exposing her heart to me in a moment of weakness, as I let my hand stroke her burning cheek.  

“How do we look at each other, then?” I dared her, raising my eyebrow playfully.  

“Like we want to rip each other’s clothes off as soon as possible.” She gasped back, biting into her plump, bottom lip. 

“Then do it.” I blurred out, taken back by my own eagerness to feel her skin on mine. 

She laughed at my comment, probably just as surprised at my sudden boldness before she let her hands wander down my back, reaching for the hem of my white t-shirt and slowly pushing it over my head. 

Throwing it at the floor in her messy room, her eyes lingered at my naked chest and I watched as they slowly widened by the sight that met her face. Her fingertips were suddenly on my skin, tracing slowly down my chest to my stomach to the beginning of my happy trail. 

I threw my head back and sucked in air as her hands unbuckled my pants and she forced them halfway down my thighs. Her mouth began kissing my lower stomach and she used her warm tongue to leave sore hickeys on my body, teasingly avoiding the area throbbing for her the most. 

I forced my fingers into her messy hair and dragged her head closer to my burning skin, too eager and impatient to feel her properly. 

I reached down between her legs to rub my palm against her wet centre as she moaned against my skin when my hand made contact. She was wetter than I expected her to be. Soaking actually and already dripping into my palm that barely brushed against the sensitive area between her quivering legs. 

“Take your pants off completely.” She told me, removing her hands from my body. “I want to taste you too.” 

Her whispering words punched out the air in my lungs but I did as she told me. Licking her lips, she tilted her head at the sight. 

My cock was hard and ready for her warm mouth, just the thought of those plump lips around the tip of my head was enough to push me further towards the edge. She lowered her body as she wrapped her left hand around my length and forced a groan to escape my mouth. 

“Shit!” I breathed as her mouth attached itself to my tip. 

I was extremely sensitive from watching her play with herself. She closed her lips around my tip and twisted a few times, making me squirm in pleasure from her wet mouth caressing me. She moved her mouth fully down to the root of my cock as her tongue licked along with her soft yet firm sucks. 

I bucked my hips to meet her mouth as she moved further down and flicked her tongue to add a tad more pleasure. 

“Fucking hell.” I sobbed. 

My eyes lowered their stare as I caught her looking towards my face while sucking my dick and I couldn’t help but let out a tiny smile. Using my hands in her hair, I pushed her head towards my face and pressed my nose against her burning cheeks. 

“I’ve spend so many nights thinking about this.” I breathed, my thumb softly gliding back and forth her lips. “Are we really doing this?” I asked her. 

“Yes. Now shut up and kiss me, Mendes.” She gasped, demanding as always. 

I leaned forward and crashed my lips eagerly into hers. She kissed me back hungrily, tugging her fingers into my hair and pushing my lips closer to hers. Her tongue spread my lips apart and forcefully, she slipped it into my welcoming mouth. 

She tasted better than I imagined her to, better than I had hoped. 

I groaned against her mouth as my hands began rubbing her tender, pink breast. I felt her writhed against me as my thumbs pinched her sore nipples.

Her hands moved to my back and she forced her nails roughly into my skin as my fingers continued adding pressure on her hard nipples. 

“Fuck Shawn.” She muttered into my mouth as I felt her gasp desperately for air. 

My hands slipped down her bare back and as I reached the curve of her soft ass, I slapped her harshly to tease her. She broke the kiss as she screamed loudly by the pleasurable pain I was coursing her.

My fingers grabbed around her ass, yanking and rubbing her roughly as she threw her head back and moaned loudly. I attached my lips to her throat and began sucking as I continuingly slapped and squeezed her ass to make her moan out my name. 

She was big and soft, plump and round; the best ass I’d ever laid eyes on.  

“I’m obsessed with your fucking ass.” I growled against her sweaty skin as I heard a faint laughter from her mouth. 

“I know.” 

“You know?”

“I’ve caught you looking multiple times.” 

Another heatwave floated my face as I felt a slight embarrassment of how obvious I had apparently been. Heck, an ass like hers was impossible to avoid looking at. 

I pushed my hips against her stomach, letting her feel my length digging into her skin just to tease a bit more. Her lips went to the soft spot underneath my ear and began kissing down my neck. 

My hands trailed down, rubbing her bum one last time and then I let my fingers drag along her soaked centre, my thumb brushing lightly against her clit. 

“Are you just going to tease or are you actually going to fuck me?” She whimpered. Her voice was desperate and cracked over at the end. 

I placed my hands on her hips, forcing her to sway her back bend over in the bed. I settled myself behind her ass pointing upwards completely exposed to me as she was bending over in front of my body. I leaned forwards and kissed gently down her spine as she pushed her ass back to touch the tip of my cock. 

“Not yet.” I told her as my hands found her boobs hanging from her chest. 

I twisted her nipples between my fingers as she whimpered arched her back to cope with the tension she was feeling. I grabbed her inner thighs, my fingernails sinking into her skin, as I spread her legs apart and exposed her pussy entirely.  

“Please Shawn. Don’t be such a tease.” She begged in a whimper. “I want to feel your cock.” 

“You’re sexy as fuck. I can’t stop looking at you.” 

“You can look later, okay? Just get to fucking work.” She hissed back at me. 

I rolled my eyes at her as I rested my palm on her sweaty back. Without giving her a warning, I pressed myself into her in a hard move. She whimpered while I slid in deeper and filled her out. She was tight, a perfect form for my dick.  

Arching her back, she pushed her ass further against to hips to meet another of my thrust into her slippery core. 

“Fuck, Shawn. Yes!” she cried as I bucked my hips and slipped in deeper.

“Shit, you’re fucking tight.”

“Fuck Shawn, you’re so big.” She whimpered at the pleasure pain she was feeling. 

I slowed down my moves as I kissed the top of her ass carefully while she adjusted herself to my cock. She used a few slow thrust to get used to the feeling of my cock inside her.  

“Better?”  

“Much.” 

I started moving in and out of her again, slowly at first then adding more speed to the pace of my thrusts. My hands gripped tightly around her inner thighs as I pushed her to meet my slams, wanting to fill out as much of her as possible.  

“Harder, Shawn. I can handle harder.” She moaned, her head tilting back to look my way. 

Her face was red, pearls of sweat where sticking to her forehead and her mouth was gaping wide open. 

She was insanely beautiful; even with messy hair, falling into her eyes, sweat dripping down her naked body and those red cheeks.

My eyes lingered at her for a couple of seconds as I felt my heart increase slightly. I let my hand slide up and down her bare back as a smile escaped from her heated face. 

“You’re just so fucking breath-taking.” I told her, biting into my bottom lip. 

After spending a couple of seconds admiring her body, I remembered her begging words and picked up the pace. Her entire body moved as I fucked her roughly from behind, her boobs bouncing, her ass vibrating, her thighs trembling. 

I forced my hand under her stomach and used my thumb to add more pleasure to her high as I continued to fuck her roughly. Arching her back, I heard a few swear words slipped from her panting mouth as her entire body began to shake. 

I felt her pussy tightly around my cock, slipping perfectly along to my slams as we shared a groan whenever I hit all the right spots inside her. 

“Fuck, Shawn. I ca-can’t much longer.” She cried out as I filled her out perfectly.  

I pushed myself as deep into her as possible and then I stopped moving. I attached my mouth to her the curve of her ass, kissing her lower back as I twisted and turned my cock inside of her. 

I leaned back to sit on the bed as she followed along and was now sitting on my lap with her back towards my chest. Her hands reached back and she forced her fingers roughly into my hair to tug my head to the side. 

My hands moved to her chest and my palms covered her boobs entirely as she began moving again. Throwing my head back, I felt her ass move against my thighs as she picked up the pace and left me whimpering. 

“Fuck, I’m about to cum.” I cried in her ear, attaching my lips to her sticky neck.

She placed both her hands on my thighs, riding me harder and faster and I felt her entire body bounce from her quick yet rough movements on my cock. As she cracked her hips slightly, we both reached our bursting point. 

Riding our high, her fingernails dug desperately into my thighs and sent a pain through my body. 

“God Shawn.” She moaned as I released inside of her in a loud groan. 

I pushed her head to the side and exposed her lips to mine. Attaching them together and panting into each other’s mouth, I felt my load drip from her wet and well-fucked pussy. 

It forced a smile to appear on my lips. 

Riding the last of our orgasms, we both collapsed on the bed beside each other; eyes shut, hearts pounding and gasping desperately for air. I spend a few minutes gaining back somewhat strength to open my eyes again. 

She was lying beside me, her hair sticking to her neck and her body fully exposed to my eyes. She was covered in hickeys from my mouth wandering wild and trails from my nails digging into her skin. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. 

I let my fingers stroke her damp cheek as she opened her tired eyes and looked at mine. A tiny but exhausted smile ran across her lips. She kissed the tip of my finger as it ran over her trembling mouth. 

“Can you believe this actually happened?” I asked her. 

“Not really. I feel like I’ve been giving you signs for years and… nothing.” She laughed back, shaking her head lightly. 

“I know.” I leaned forwards to kiss her warm lips. “You know I need to rethink everything at least a hundred times.” 

“Well, I’m glad you finally came around then.” She joked as her fingers brushed my arm. Her eyes flickered around the room as she bit her bottom lip. 

“What?” I asked her, lifting her chin with my thumb to meet her stare. 

“Do you regret it?” She asked and my heart dropped to my guts. 

I lowered my head to allow my nose tip to stroke her cheek softly while my hands searched for hers underneath the covers. I wrapped my fingers around hers and let my thumb stroke her knuckles. I nipped to her lips a few times before finding her stare again. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this. For you.” I told her as I moved my head closer to her face. “There’s no way I could ever regret this.”

I stared into her eyes as I leaned towards her and kissed her naked shoulder, my fingers still wrapped around hers. My nose brushed lightly back and forth her sweaty skin as my mouth planted a few sweet kisses on her chest.

“Me either.” She whispered back, shyly. 

I had never seen her like this before – completely emotionally exposed - but I liked that she finally let down her guards. She usually never did. 

We stared at each other for a while, embracing and stroking each other, our lips nipping to each other once in a while.

“Shawn?” 

“Yeah?”  

“Say it first.” 

“What?”

“Can you say it first?” She asked me. “I need to hear you say it first. If you actually do, then say it first.”

I tilted my head towards her as I took in the expression on her sweaty still heated face. Her eyes gave her away within seconds and I suddenly understood her strange outburst. 

“You know I do, right? I always have.” 

I knew she had been burned before, I’ve watched her fall apart in front of me, but I wasn’t aware of how much pain it - apparently - had cost her. How deep the scars had apparently cut into her. 

“I guess, I just need to hear you say it...”

“I’m crazy about you. I always have been. I want to be with you, y/n.” I told her, my fingers removing tots of messy hair from her face. “And I won’t hurt you. I promise.” 

The relief on her face from hearting those words made a slight nag appear in my chest. The fact that she needed to hear me promise her, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, meant she had been burned badly before. 

Someone had left obvious traces on her heart that she was still trying to somehow mend. I wondered how anyone could ever hurt something as beautiful as her. 

“I want to be with you too, Shawn” she smiled back to me. “I think I’ve always just loved you.”

And though I had always seen her as the bold one, I knew she was risking her heart by saying those words aloud to me. And in that moment, I realised, she had never given those words to anyone but me. She had saved those words for me and I had saved them for her. Entirely. 

[ex-empire-adventures]

What are you doing in my house

Rome has broken into Emil’s house for some reason... (rp with @ask-the-icelandic-little)

What are you doing in my house?

---------- The sudden question startled Rome and he nearly hit his head to the cupboard door. “I was…” He needed a moment to find the right words, english ones. “Well you know…” It didn’t help he was a little drunk, nothing worth mentioning ofcourse. “Hmn…” He sighed. What was he doing in this house again? “Oh yes I remember! I cut myself see when I climbed this stupid fence… because of the dogs chasing me…” he took a deep breath “Sooo, I’m going to need some bandages. No need to stay up for me.” He opened the fridge to continue his search.

---------- He raised his eyebrows slightly, but just sighed after hearing him, and sighed louder when he watched him. “You do know that bandages are not kept in a fridge, right?” He shook his head and showed to the couch. “Sit down, I will get them for you.”

---------- “Right, I knew that!..” steel closets are fridges, check! He sat down and looked around carefull not to bleed on anything. “You’ve got a nice house”

---------- He chuckled lightly as he got the bandages and walked back. “That are just these four rooms though, just a small apartment. Thanks though.” He sat beside him and rolled the bandages out, looking to Romulus to see where the wound was in the first place.

---------- “Ah, but you don’t need a lot of space when you don’t have a wife! Don’t ever get married. They have a way to re-order everything and you’ll never find any of your things ever again. They need to know where you are and what you’re doing and where you are going and for how long and with who… pffff” Romulus showed his hand that got cut, or rather pierced pretty bad “Don’t bother stitching it I’m sure it will be just fine for now. At least that dog didn’t got me XD”

---------- He laughed ironically as he carefully patched up the wound, looking out that he wouldnt hurt the other. “Thanks for the hint, but I dont think anyone would want to marry me in the first place. So dont worry, I dont think I will ever have that issue. I didnt had a roomate ever either, so…” He looks at the wound, but since the other said he wouldnt need to bother with stitching, he instead just hummed “Nadel and Faden” to himself. “If it would have been a dogbite, it would have been more difficult. We would need to disinfect it, then stitch it up, then bandage it. For now it should be okay though, I guess.”

---------- Rome fell silent for a while. “Are you lonely? I mean there’s nothing wrong being by yourself but being lonely can get under your skin and suck the life out of you. You are a handsome young man and really caring too! Most would have kicked me out, you know? Do you know there’s lots of girls out there who are dreaming to meet a guy like you! You are not shy are you?”

---------- He smiled lightly at the others worried voice, blushed slightly though when he was suddenly complimented. “I am… Just not really used to people. Not shy… Anyways, I am used to being alone, so its fine. And… I mean, I like girls too, but…” He slowly started to stutter, he didnt knew how to talk about such things, and much less how to talk with a completly stranger about such things.

---------- “HA HA Ha!!!” Rome started laughing really loud at Ice’s stuttering. “So you like men better, good for you! Ah man, I should have got me a boyfriend when I was young. Most my bosses did. I never had the time. Sure you can have sex at every streetcorner but that’s not the same, right? You want the full package deal i bet! Waiting for the right one are you?” he pat the other on his shoulder “Don’t wait forever, go out and get him instead” Romulus smirked at him

---------- He blushed bright at the others bluntness and looked embarrassed to the ground. Though the others open talk and friendly tone made him feel better, not as uncomfortable as he would have usually been. He even smiled lightly as he responded. “Well, yeah, sort of. It would be nice to have someone by your side who stays with you. Though… I wouldnt really know where to search. The places that I know here arent the best searching material.” He chuckled lightly and looked up to him again. “And who knows, its never too late. You seem really nice too, I dont think it would be difficult for you to find someone!”

---------- “Oh no, never go for locals, that’s boring! Broaden your horizon!… Oh I… well finding someone fitting for me could proof to be more difficult than it would seem at first sight, I suppose.” Rome looked at his hand, clearly the other had done this before. “Thank you. Ah, I must have lost my manners somewhere” He grinned, as he stuck out his hand “People call me Romulus.”

---------- “Well, it isnt easy to get away here, but I will try.” He smiled slightly in a try to cheer the other up. “And if you need to, I can always help. I may not be the best, but I could try.” He lightly grinned back at the other as he also reached out to shake his hand. “Name is Emil, nice to meet you. Even though that is a rather… unique way to meet someone for the first time.”

---------- "IT IS! Ha ha. I don't break into peoples houses on a daily basis, heh?! But it could be worse. We could have met on the battlefield or at a slavemarket or even a circus..." Rome stopped talking as if he remembered something. "That is kind of you. But I really do think it's not for me. Truth be told I don't think i'll ever get over my first crush, see?" He stood up a little out balanced.

---------- “It would have actually been nice to meet at a circus. I always wanted to join the circus when I was a kid…” He thoughtout loud to himself, smiling lightly as he guessed the other things had just been a joke. He looked just the slightest bit gloomy when he listened to the rest he had to say. “Thats alright. I sort of know that feel… In any case. If you need any help, now you know where to find me.” He smirked slightly. “That counts for every issue by the way. If you ever run into another fence again, as example.”

---------- He thanked again “Actually if you can give me directions to a taverne cause I’m not half as drunk as I should be on a friday night and I’ll be needing a bed also.”

---------- He slightly raised his eyebrows, then shrugged. “I have some drinks if thats all. Amaretto is pretty good, or licorice liquor. And I am pretty sure you cant sleep in any bar close by here, except you maybe know the bartender. Which I doubt though, since you ask.” You thought for a moment. “Wanna stay here? I mean I dont have anything better to do and its kinda nice to have someone around.”

---------- "Are you serious?! I snore pretty loud, HA HA HA!!!" Rome was really happy by the turn of events. "I don't know anything about this country. I just got here. Im glad you speak english because I don't speak that many lanquages really."

---------- “I only speak three languages, got here around two years ago though, so I guess its rather lucky. Or else I would have amde weird handsigns or asked google translate. And its fine, I mean its already loud outside around here, so I am used to sleeping with noise in the background.” He shrugged. “I dont mind, really.”

---------- “Great! Then you got yourself a roommate for tonight. I can tell you some epic stories from way back. Oh and I’ll teach you some drinking songs! I know lot’s! Let me get my bag I left it outside” he run off to the bathroom and climbed out the window. Appearantly that’s also how he came in. He returned with a ikea bag that seemed heavy but it didnt bother him. “There, id hate it if it starts raining and it gets all wet see?”

---------- He just looked briefly over the game, and then decided that is just how the other was. The words, the armor in the bag, the way he had come into the house, it probably made perfect sense for him. So why bother to worry? “It doesnt rain that often here, but just put the bag behind the couch. Should be okay there. And I really should learn some drinking songs, I never listen to enough music anyways. I havent heard a good story in a while either!” He almost was exited. Maybe it was his strong desire to just talk to someone nice again and be not completly alone as he had been in weeks. Maybe it was boredom. However, he seemed to like his new short term roommate.

---------- “Alright have you got some small glasses? Anything will do really. Shells are also good. The point is you drink after the ehh… What’s the word… when the song repeats? Anyway, the song gets better as you go! HAHAHA!!!” Rome kicked out his shoes, he wasnt wearing socks. “They look pretty but you can’t wiggle your toes that much. Im not used to them. Same for these skinny jeans. Whoever invented those should be hanged with one… Don’t give me that look I know Im old fashioned. You’ll be having trouble adjusting accordingly when you are ancient like me”

---------- “It’s fine, I prefer jogging pants and such too. Jeans can be pretty uncomfortable.” He shrugged. “And you don’t look ancient. Mid 40 at best, that’s not ancient at all!” He smiled lightly to him, before getting a bottle of alcohol and two glasses. “Do you mean when the refrain repeats?”

---------- Romulus giggled “flattering will get you nowhere.” he filled the shots. “the refrain, yes i guess that’s it! So, i’ll start with this one. It’s pretty old it’s latin but the words are easy so don’t worry” he started singing.

---------- “Hey, I can try!” He smiled, then thought for a moment. “Just like I once tried learning latin a bit.” He chuckled slightly embarrassed. “Was kicked out after half a year. I wasnt good with languages when I was a kid.” He just chuckled and listened at first, soon trying his best to join.

---------- “Hey, you’re doing great! Your pronounciation is a little off but you’ve got a beautifull voice. You should train it so you can reach more… This drink is really sweet, i like it!” Rome was really to get tipsy now and it was showing. “… Uhh yes… Where were we?… A song to my new friend and a drink on your health!”

---------- He clincked glasses with him before drinking again himself, slowly getting more comfortable with the singing, though not much better. “A drink to both our health!” He joined with a slight smile in the others speech pattern.

---------- “Oh,… This one is empty. How unfortunate they should make bigger ones” Rome put the bottle on the table. “Why is it there still aint wine coming out of tubs? Mankind have invented so many things. We have candycrush but we can’t have running wine, it’s a pity!” He took another bottle and pulled the other with him down on the couch. He had trouble opening the next drink so handed it over.

---------- He fell comfortably into the cushions, and, while he figured out through his slightly clouded mind how to open the bottle himself, answered his question. “Well, we do have hot chocolate out of fountains. I haven’t ever seen one, but there is probably something like that with wine too, though I think that would be something extra fancy.” To let the “fancy” stick out he flipped his hair to demonstrate. “For things like charity parties or marriages for the richest of rich I’d guess. We normal folks”, he handed over the open bottle, “Need to manage with this.”

---------- Rome giggled and lazily run his fingers over the others hair. “You got such beautifull smooth hair ever thought about growing it out?” He flustered suddenly realising he shouldnt have done that and looked away changing the subject. “I used to be rich. I gave it all away. I thought power and wealth was something that stayed forever. But at some point I realised I felt dead inside. Im a selfmade man, only fitting I got rid of it myself also. Well sort of anyway. The boys who took over changed everything and i suppose that’s a good thing.”

---------- He got quiet for a moment, just listening to the other calmly. He thought for a while about what he said, and nodded. “Seems like we both didnt have it easy, even if in different ways. I never had much, and at some point, I was willing to do everything to be able to call at least something my own. No matter if things or relationships. If I needed to be someone else so I wouldnt be completly alone or have at least something around me, I could deal with it.” He stayed quiet for a short moment. “I guess I still do that sometimes.” He looked at him, a bit curious. “Did you ever moved on from that?” He paused for a moment, not sure if he should have asked that. “Uhm… Just ignore that. Yeah, maybe I should grow my hair out, that sounds pretty nice actually.” He smiled lightly to him, hopingit would make the mood a bit less awkward.

---------- Rome returned a boyish smile “Ah I always wanted to grow my hair out when I was young because of my friends see. But I couldn’t… cause of the military? And I suppose it wouldn’t look nice on me anyway because I got thick curly hair it’s a curse… Uh oh, no it’s ok. Yes, I think I did move on. In this sense that when I was still working I was travelling abroad a great deal for my boss. And I made a lot of friends but my boss would always screw them over at some point and I’m looking like a complete dick. It didn’t really came as a surprise even my best friend wanted to stab me. So well… Not being able to do the things you like and having to fuck people over you like sucks the life out of you. That’s what I mean by feeling dead inside. Getting stabbed was an eye opener to me, I suppose. Everything just tumbled down from there and I… retired…. Are you still following me, because I’m a little drunk. Anyway so now I’m not bound by all that anymore and I hope to make some new friends now. And maybe try to restore some of the bitter old ones. If they’ll have me I don’t know.”

---------- “I can follow.” Emil stayed silent for a while, not really knowing how to respond. He couldnt completly understand the situation, not knowing what job this guy could have done that would have made him to such things. Maybe a retired criminal? Well, Emil thought he shouldnt just. HIs vest sure wasnt white either. “I am sure you can explain it to them in some way… It doesnt seem likeit was your fault in the first place.” He thought for a moment again, not really being good at such things. “If it cheers you up, you can see me as a new friend.” He gave him a light smile, hoping that wouldnt come off as insensitive. “And I think you wouldnt look bad with longer hair. Maybe not like, going to the ellbows, but a short ponytail could suit you. I could see that.”

---------- “You really think so?!” Rome was tearing up. He combed his curls out of his face and back trying to imaging having a manbun “Id love to be friends with you. But you must promiss me to be yourself to me. I’ll help you to get your life back on track, i promiss. I don’t want you to go hungry ever again.”

---------- Emil looked slightly panicked and quickly got out a handkerchief, holding it to him. “Yes, I think so! If they see you as sincere as you are now it will all be okay! Please don’t cry!” He awkwardly patted his head, just knowing that usually cheered him up a bit. “And I promise, I will do my best to be myself!” Despite his irritation at seeing the other cry, he couldn’t help but still smile at his words. “Thank you. I really appreciate the help.”

---------- “If you say so… I’ll try…” He wiped away his tears seeing it made Emil uncomfortable. “sorry, it’s been a rough week really. Working late and never knowing where i’ll sleep next. That’s why i travel light, see?”

---------- “Its alright… Sorry for commanding you…” He calmed down a bit again, taking a deep breath. He took a look to the others bag, and couldnt help but smile ironically. “I would call that traveling light though, it looks like anything but light.” He slighty patted his back, trying to cheer him up a bit again. “And if you like, you can stay here for a few days without issue. I am often out anyways, and you seem to be alright. I mean… There really isnt anything to rob here in the first place…”

---------- Rome started laughing “Robbing you? HA HA HA. There is just that much you can take with you on board. And theyll nitpick over everything, they even took my shampoo and sword at the airport.” he looked at his back “Im attached to that old stuff, they don’t make them the way they used to. But because i can’t pack that much I need to rent clothes for work to look a bit professional. What do you do if I may ask?”

---------- “I will take tour word for that then.” He smiled lightly and thought for a moment. “And I think you can carry sharp objects… like… swords? Anyways. I think you can carry then with you if you keep them seperate. As long as you don’t bring them on the plane personally it should be alright.” He shrugged. “Not sure, haven’t travelled in years. And I understand that attachment.” He wanted to make another comment, then got quiet for a while at the others last question. “Well… As for my work, I look the most professional if I wear nothing, at least most of the time.” He sighed before he answered. “I sell my body, to say it like that. And if I find someone serious my work is being a sugar baby, then more often selling simply my company…” He fidgeted around with the keychain, wanting to be honest, but obviously a bit uncomfortable with that theme.

---------- “Ah, I see…” Romulus said as he filled both their glasses again. Pity to let it go to waste, right? “So we’re both the biz, then? Man Id do the fucking for free, but Im basically a professional dad, Ha Ha! You wont believe how many lonely stewardesses are out there. They just want to talk about their day. Once they open up to me they talk all night long and I charge by the hour.” he shakes his head “The hard part is not to fall asleep”

---------- At first he was surprised that the other took it so easily, but when he listened he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Need to admit, can’t really blame them. You are easy to talk to, and pretty nice on top! And if you feel like nobody will listen to you, I probably wouldn’t mind either if it costs.” He shrugged and leaned back on the couch, taking another sip of the alcohol, and showing a light grin. “So, a sweet, professional dad? A true "sugar daddy”, how convenient for me!“ He giggled lightlt at his own pun.

---------- "The joke’s on you, you owe me 200,-” Rome joked “In different times I’d bought you a villa, now I’m pretty much broke. Im saving some money because Id like to get a degree to be a teacher. But I need to learn how to work with the computer first. I just want to spoil the kids rotten.” Rome couldnt resist to show pictures “This is my youngest, isnt he cute! I haven’t got a picture of my eldest, sadly, he doesn’t want his picture taken.” He looked real proud. “But sure i’ll get you sweets too, dear boy” he smirked

---------- “ITs alright. I wouldnt let you buy me a villa anyways.” He chuckled. “I would be happy with a small house on the countryside already ~ Really now, I need to save money too, and for now I would prefer to stick to small apartments. By the way.” He looked over curious to him. “Did you ever thought about getting a roommate? If you live somewhere together you both could ssave more money, it would be really convenient.” His thoughts where quickly distracted again when the other suddenly held some pictures in front of his face, and couldnt help but smile. “Okay, yes. They do look really cute!” He chuckled lightly, happy about the others enthusiasm. “And if you really want to, I like licorice best. It looks like candy, but its not sweet! Its deceiving candy!”

---------- “Roommates heh? Sounds nice but Im constantly on the move for now so that isnt very practical at the moment. I sometimes stay at ikea. Only got caught twice and then you can stay the night in a cel where they have beds also… Ahh have you heard in Reykjavik Ikea is going to built apartments for staff”

[viperssvenom]

Slept over baby boy’s Friday and Saturday. I wasn’t supposed to sleep over but I got to and I’m so happy I did. Friday night we watched some basketball, cuddled, and talked about my blog. I also let him go through my notes and bby boy found the note with all of my dreams and he saw the 4/19/17 one. We talked about it for a while, and then he said I love you first. I almost actually cried lmao. he said it again when we were kissing and said how good it felt to say it, and I agreed, I love you so much baby boy. He also told how he knew he loved me from the day we went to Bella and when he walked me home and I called him to make sure he was okay. After talking about that, I showed him some of my blog. I told him up to the picture of us and he went like two posts past that lmaoooo. AHHH he also read my notes for him, w/ the list of why he’s the bestest and he read what I wrote about him “settling” and he told me he wasnt just “setting” for me. He told me that even if he was, he wouldn’t want to be with anyone else anyways. I don’t remember much of what else happened, but I think we just went to sleep after that. I love sleeping next to baby boy so much 😭. I love that whenever we sleep together we have to hold hands, not just one, but both hands lmao. I also love waking up next to him, it feels so nice lol. But when we woke up, the first thing we did was watch get out. The movie wasn’t as good as it was hyped up to be, and it was a lot funnier than it was scary, but it’s categorized as horror??!? but then, we watched Star Wars: ep VII with Philip, and it was a pretty good movie. Finally met bb-8 tho, he’s (??) so cute lmao. But we fell asleep during the middle of the movie :) I was out like a light lmaoo. But when I woke up we finished watching Star Wars, then we went to get Wendy’s and I swear it wasn’t raining when we were walking to Wendy’s, but it definitely was raining when we were walking back. lmao, ray if you’re reading this, I’m not taking that back! Love you thooo. We went outside for a while after he got Philip into bed. I could tell he was upset, so I just hugged him and let him talk when he was ready. I’m not going to lie, it was hard for me to listen to him because I wanted/ want to help and i didn’t know how to. For now, the most I can do is keep baby boy calm when I can, and talk to Philip and check up on him when I can. Saturday night, we went to sleep very late again lmao. baby boy gave me space to do my homework, so I worked on that until like 1 am. After that, baby boy suggested to practice dancing, and I refused bc I cannot dance lmaoo, so then he asked me what I wanted to do and I suggested a scary movie, but he didn’t want to watch one 😭😭 but then I remembered he said we would watch a Jenna marbles’ video, so thats what we did. He still didn’t laugh as much, smh. but after that, he also still didn’t want to watch a scary movie, so I asked him what he wanted to do and he said go through his tag 😭😭 but I let him anyways lmao. I told him not to comment on anything, and he did anyways lmao. basically he said he felt the same for most of what I wrote. and idk, it just feels nice to have finally shown him, but at the same time very embarrassing lmao. After he read everything, he went through his tag again and commented on stuff esp parts where I talked down on myself. But before that, I’m pretty sure we talked about him overthinking, and how he worries that maybe we’re just getting along because he’s my first and that he’s afraid someone might come along and do it better. But, I just want him to know that I love him so much for reasons I can’t explain. I just love him for him, maybe one day I will be able to explain it though, because I want him to know why I do. and there is no one on this earth that I would rather be with, spend my weekends with, walk around town for closed ice cream shops, FaceTime late at night, and sleep next to. After talking about his insecurities, we talked about mine, most importantly my stomach. He told me my body is beautiful, and I know he thinks that and wants me to remember that, and I will remember that, but I want to be able to accept my body without needing other people’s opinions about it and needing other people to compliment me for me to feel good about myself. Bc I was sitting facing him, he laid me down and pulled my shirt up to show me that my stomach was literally nothing, I still don’t feel like it’s nothing, but I have been feeling better about it since. Also, he had his hand on my stomach when he said it, and it felt nice. I love whenever he puts his hands on my stomach or my back, it just feels really nice lmaoo. but then after that we both agreed not to talk about poopy stuff anymore so he suggested dancing again and I told him I would dance if it was on the couch, so we danced while sitting on the couch lmaooo. he let me play my music so I played some songs off of digital druglord, ballerina by belly, some of his songs of choice, and then cherry hill by russ 👀😜 LMAO. towards the end of the song we started to kiss and then it got pretty intense (in a good way). he felt my boobs and kept asking me if it was okay and I told him yes everytime, but he was still nervous lmao. At first it did feel weird bc it was new for the both of us lmaooo. but after a while I got used to it and it felt nice, mostly bc I love having his hands on me. he told me like twice to move my hands lmaoooooo, I didnt want to move them because I didnt want to let go of him lmao. but he laid me down a few times and each time he did, I could feel how fast his heart was beating, I was going to point it out but I didnt because I didnt want to ruin the moment, plus I love listening to his heart beat, esp when we’re just chilling. But anywayss, yeah so we were getting pretty into it and at one point he lifted up my shirt and asked me if it was okay, I said yes and then he proceeded to kiss my boobs lol, it was nice but also awkward, so we just laughed it out lmao. but thats basically what we did for like 45 minutes lmaoo. During that time though, he also kept asking me how far and I didnt know what to say, and I still dont lmao, but he said that sex was not an option and honestly I am relieved he clarified that lmao. But after that, I sat on his lap again and then we talked about how we might not get that kind of chance again because its going to be harder to slip away and sleep over his house once ate is outtie :(. But then we went to sleep, and all I can remember is laying on top of him and then falling asleep like that and then sometime in between that switching back to our normal position lmao. Last night when we were talking about consent and everything, he told me how he wanted to be transparent about everything between us, and I appreciate it so much. like he’s not afraid to talk about anything with me, and I wish it was as easy for me to talk to him about things as it is for him to talk to me. Also bby boy said how he thinks there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, regarding his tag, but uhhh it’s pretty corny sooo yaah also, he commented on the post where I said he is out of my league and told me it was the other way around, but false because he’s too lovely  he also said how he’s considered dating me even before Matt’s party, but like I can’t imagine why before Matt’s party bc I don’t think id ever really spent time with him before then

On Sunday morning though, I woke up to him holding my face and also felt him trying to hold my hands. I also love when he does that because I love knowing he’s there even if I am already laying down next to him. he asked me what the best part of waking up was and I said I don’t know and he said waking up next to me 😭😭😭 I don’t remember what else happened but I remember him asking to send himself some posts so I let him and he said that he’d consider starting to write stuff too. When he was going through my blog, he saw the post about the phone call from when we went to the diner, and he said how he did say “love you” 😭😭 ALSO HE COMMENTED ON THE POST WHERE I SAID HIS VOICE IS SEXY LMAOO and then teased me about the abs post, boy I should have never posted it lmaooo. but then we chilled for a little bit, and watched one punch man, and I got hungry before we were supposed to leave so I asked to eat and we made lo mein, and ah the asian jokes will never get old lmaoo. but we ate and watched some more Star Wars. while we were eating though I saw him picking at his thumb and I saw how bad it was (the worst I have seen it yet) and I got worried and tried to get him to stop but he said he does it whenever he’s stressed, so I left him to it for a little bit, but then he kept picking at it more and I got upset and tried not to stress but got really sad when he said it was time to go home, I don’t know why but those words just triggered something to make me really sad, not about going home but more of leaving baby boy. he pulled me into the kitchen and I couldn’t pull myself to tell him what was on my mind. I told him we should start going, but he said he wasn’t moving until I told him so we just stood there in each other’s arms for a while. and I tried to go into the living room again, but he sat down and pulled me to him so we just stayed there for a while again. But I still couldn’t tell him, so I went into the living room and I got my stuff ready and put the dishes in the sink and walked over to baby boy again. He got up tho bc I tried to walk away again and told him that it was nothing, but then he told me that I was killing him by not telling him and that hurt me a little so I hugged him and he let me write out what was bothering me, which was his thumb and how it just felt like a minor form of self harm to me. But he told me that it was nothing to worry about and how its been like that since he could remember, but it still worries me. after we got that over with though, we starting walking to my house. I still think my way is faster but imma let bby boy rock lmaoo. but we got to mcquillan and I still didnt want to leave him but he’s going to be outtie at the end of this week and I will get to see him on Friday so I feel a little better about that. but that was my weekend, pretty much a rollercoaster of everything lmao. 

oo also, he also pointed out how I called him baby boy on my posts even before we established it lmaoooo oops also there was a point before we talked about our insecurities where we talked about uuuuhhhhhhhhhh (forgotti what I was going to say) oo, but we do pretty much have our handshake down tho, its litttyy also going through his phone was really nice. to see that he saves legit every picture he takes of me/ we take together lmao he said he could tell I was dreaming, but honestly I can’t remember lmaooo walked me home, when I got home, I jumped into bed and hugged my body pillow. closed my eyes for a few and thought I was still at baby boys :/ he also plays with my earrings, I don’t know why or how but it makes me happy lmao Also I love looking into his eyes just bc their beautiful lmao ahhhh we also talked about college difficulties, like how its going to be a lot harder to see each other but he said we would figure it out and said he’d even take the train for me :// also every time I say “ow” he apologizes even tho like he knows he only “hit” me lightly, idk why but I think its funny lmao he’s only “thi” lmaooo also baby boy wrote his own <3 lol i shall go into further detail in other post, maybeee….  baby boy also made sure that we didnt go to sleep without saying I love you to each other <3 after crying about myself baby boy kissed me and I told him how he had just kissed snot and idk it was just really cute because he would literally do anything/ risk anything just to kiss me when he can lmao also there was a point when ray walked downstairs shirtless and I looked up and it was awkward bc he just goes “hey” and was like “hi” but in my head I was going “asdfghjjk oooo dsddyy ???!!!!!!! 👀👀” LMFAOOO Im going to get teased about this too when he reads this 😭 baby boy also pointed out the old spice post lmfaooo. And then he also pointed out the “you feel like home” post and when we were hugging, he said “this is home” 😢😢😢😢😢 after we told each other I love you, baby boy was like if I had known this all along I would have checked your phone a long time ago 😭

I love you so so much baby boy

[oldnintendonerd]

Pickup Post #7 - Sony “Wiiks” 3

Been a while since a post, so this one will be pretty long, despite not having found something every single week, there are a few here, so it is pretty long. I have still made time to stop at a few places. I hit my local Goodwill, a few yard sales, and had a LetGo pickup. It hasn’t been terrible, just a little slow.

So let’s get into it.

I’ll try to go in order, and just after the last post I went into my local Goodwill and there looked to be a fresh PS2 drop off. No system, but there were about 15 games that weren’t there the last time I was in. Most of it was schlock, sports games, Guitar Hero and the like. But there was a copy of Need For Speed Pro Street that was in decent shape. I’d never played it before, and it was the best of the lot. The problem was, I’d forgotten my Game Hunting money that day. I really try not to let this hobby get in the way of normal life. I only hit places when they are on the way to a place I am already going, or if they are pretty close to a place I am already. I also keep this strictly within the game hunting money budget. So I looked for a place to hide the game in the store. I dropped it behind a row of DVDs. They were to the front of a pretty deep shelf and there was room behind it. I figured, if it’s there when I get back, fine, if they find it and it sells, I won’t be heartbroken.

Well, I was back the next day picking up dinner nearby, so I popped in, and, it was still there.

I popped it in to see if it worked and it does. Didn’t really play, but I did a quick race just to get an idea of it, and it is weird. I haven’t played any NFS series since the PSX had NFS Hot Pursuit. I did play that a lot, and enjoyed it, which was probably the only reason I gave this a go. This ran me $3.21. Still not a bad find.

It is complete. Disc is in good shape. Not great, but good. I’ll throw this in the collection to kill some time at a later date.

The next week I stopped at a yard sale that was supposed to have Wii games. It was a Facebook ad so I could communicate with the seller. I asked what Wii games she had, and she replied with Mario Kart, some hunting games, and that she wasn’t sure what else. I thought it was worth a stop, it wasn’t far from my house and I was on the way to work anyway. I got there as the sale was opening, I asked about the games, it was raining and I was the only one there. Everything was still being set up because it was still a mess. They could not find the Wii games anywhere. I was disappointed, I’ve been trying to get a copy of Mario Kart Wii for a while with no luck. People keep wanting $15+ for it on LetGo or OfferUp, not that I can blame them, I think Pricecharting has this game at $15 just for loose disc. But, I thought this might be an opportunity to pick it up for $5 or so. I hung around, poking through the pile of mess they had in the garage, hoping he may find it. They had a pile of PS2 games that I glanced through. A case with like 25 DS games in it. I wished I had more time to paw through everything, but I was on my way to work. Sitting on top was Spirit Tracks, which would have been awesome CIB, but I popped it open and saw some other schlock game. Another let down. Pawed through the PS2 games a little more thoroughly, and it was more crap, hunting games, Medal of Honor games, Guitar Hero and sports games, etc. They did have Hot Shots Tennis, and having just got a Hot Shots Golf title, I figured why not. I came here, and have killed 15 minutes already waiting for the Wii games to turn up when it was supposed to really just be a 5 minute stop, might as well walk away with something. Offered $1, and he took it.

Haven’t played it, but the Hot Shots series is nothing less than a “Me Too” Mario Game copycat series, so if it plays anything like Mario Tennis, it can’t be that bad. For a buck? Why not.

It’s in good shape, and complete. Disc is better than NFS pro Street, so this one will go in the collection as well.

The PS2 collection is starting to fill out a little bit at this point.

I have gotten the PCSX2 emulator, and Free McBoot as well, so I dumped my own BIOS and the emulator works pretty well. Not all games play, but most do. I have also ripped these to ISO and run them from a HDD on the PC (they load SO much faster) and they can be loaded on a HDD on the PS2 as well (once I figure out how, heh). You can see the HDD in the “surgery” shot from last post, along with an IDE to USB adapter. So that’s in the plan. It is an 200GB IDE, or PATA, drive and I only plan on keeping copies of games I actually own on the HDD, simply to keep me from having to handle the discs to play the games. Hopefully that proves to work out. I’m just leery of all the programs you need to install and use to accomplish it. I may build a disposable windows virtual machine to handle it in case something winds up being malware.

Anyway, enough of that. Moving on.

The following week came and went, and on that Friday, there was another sale right on the way to the office that advertised a “Nintendo Handheld” and “Nintendo Games”. So I decided to investigate. I figured it could be anything from an old Game Boy and games, on up to a 3DS XL and games. Well, it was a regular DS, looked to be an original generation. With a $50 sticker on it. After I did a double take and tucked my eyes back in their sockets at the price, I leafed through the games. All schlock little kids games. Not even an Animal Crossing. Nothing. The sign there said they want $10 PER GAME.

Per game!?

You have like 12 games here! You are telling me you want $170 for all these games and the DS? You know for $200 you can buy a brand new 3DS XL. I’d be a buyer for the entire lot at maybe $30. MAYBE. But not $170, not even $150, or even $100. So I forgot about it. Way too far apart, and I didn’t want to insult her. If I offered even $40 it would sound insanely low to her given what she clearly thought it was worth.

Moving through the sale I spotted a Wii though, all by itself. No cords, no WiiMotes, nothing. Even missing the controller port flap. The games were sitting there, also labeled at $10 each, but the Wii itself was labeled $7.50. Already a decent deal, but with everything else priced so high, this was the only opportunity to get anything out of this sale. I decided to see if I could get it for a steal. I said that Wii looks a little rough, any cords for it? She says no. I’m like man, no cords, no controllers, it’s missing the controller port cover flap, would you take $5 for it? She thought about it for a moment, and accepted the $5.

Here it is.

It’s in pretty good shape, a little dirty, nothing that can’t be washed up. Since the Wii is my newest console that I own, it is on the living room TV, it was a quick swap in to test it. It works. When it powered on I heard it spinning up a disc, before it even got past that first black screen that makes you press A. I was like oh nice, free game. Judging from the games that were on the table that they wanted $10 each for, I was almost positive it was going to be some Barbie game, or something like Carnival Games. However I was pleasantly surprised. If you follow me on Instagram I’ve ruined this for you, but for those who don’t know yet, check it.

WHAT!?

Been looking for this forever, and I finally get to play it. It’s a bummer it isn’t complete. But I’ve been looking for a Wii to try Soft Modding. I didn’t want to eff up my Wii somehow in the process and lose all of the content that I’ve paid for, so I have been keeping my eye out for a cheap Wii. This was perfect. To get a copy of Mario Kart Wii on top of that is just a nice bonus!

Finally, I had a LetGo deal with someone. We went back and forth quite a bit. The lot is for 20 PS2 games and she had it priced at “$2 each”. I was honest right off the bat, $40 is not going to happen with anyone on these titles, I said I’m usually at about $1 per game for PS2, and at first glance I see only about 11 games that are worth anything, would you take $11? I was expecting to be ignored or at least get a counter offer, that is the MO most of the time on LetGo, no one wants to hear the ugly truth about the games or systems they have. You offer a reasonable price for something, but its only half what they have it listed for and they simply ignore you. This offer being at only about 25% is like a lowball, but she had it priced WAY too high is all.

She just said “Sure”.

Since it looked like we’d make a deal I took a closer look at the titles. They were worse than I thought, the non-sports games were the likes of Guitar Hero, and Cabela’s schlock. That reduced the “good” titles down even further to more like 7. I use the term “good” loosely. In this lot good simply meant it wasnt a sports or guitar hero game. Even those 7 were luke warm, but I was still interested if she could come down some more. I said honestly, after looking closer, I’m closer to $7 on this, I apologize, but the titles are pretty weak. Plus I didn’t know if they were complete or not, though I suppose I could have asked, but since she agreed to $11 so quickly I thought I’ll just throw a price out as if they aren’t.

She said OK.

Apparently she knew they were on the weak side too. We met, and I picked them up.

I am glad I lowered my offer, NFL 2K3 is the ONLY complete title. The rest are without manuals. Which I’m OK with at a price of $0.35 each, I had no intention of keeping anywhere near all of these, I honestly wanted them to beef up the sale of the second PS2 I have, hoping to tack on an extra $10 - $15 or so with a nice big stack of games in the picture.

I’ll probably only hang onto these ones, and even a few of these are maybes:

Of those in the picture, GT3, SOCOM and GTAIII are the only ones I really wanted to actually keep, and of course none of them are complete. So who knows about even those.

I was thinking of asking $25 for the second fat PS2, power and video cables, and one controller. If I can throw all of the leftover games from this lot on top of it and get $35, I’ll be a happy camper.

Last thing about this pickup, the ATV games are wrecked, especially ATV Offroad Fury 2. The case is destroyed.

You can see ATV Offroad Fury in the background there too, with a big hole in the art on the spine. A couple more shots of the damage:

Fortunately, the find with the two PS2s in it from Sony Weeks 2 had an empty case for ATV Offroad Fury, and the Goodwill by my work had some empty cases they just went ahead and gave me that included ATV Offroad Fury 2, the last time I bought something there. Which by the way was GTA Vice City, I’ll get to that in a minute. Here are the empty cases.

So lets freshen up the ATV Offroad Fury games. Why not? Top row, from this find, bottom row from the cases I had on hand.

Boom.

There we go, both in their new homes. The ATV Offroad Fury game was even a greatest hits, so the disc and case match. Not bad. Not valuable, or perhaps even the greatest games, but they are at least complete now.

As for the mentioned GTA Vice City, I grabbed that because it was absolutely immaculate.

It literally looked like someone bought it, took the shrink wrap off, and then set it on a shelf, later to stick it in a box and bring it to Goodwill.

So down to business, we had $79.36 left at the end of the last post, so we are pretty good on hunting money. We bought two games at the Goodwill for a total of $6.42, that takes us down to $72.94.

Then we got the $5 Wii, and the $7 LetGo deal, bringing us down to $60.94 remaining hunting money.

I am probably going to relax a bit on hunting for a week or two. I’m not going to stop altogether but may back off a little bit. Maybe focus on getting a few of the games listed on eBay that I have that need to be sold before getting back out there real hard core.

Either way, $60.94  remaining is still doing quite good considering what we got in the last month. Happy hunting everyone.

2017.07.18

[leanstooneside]

ORIGINAL PRANKSTA

lamp because he must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big red brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or whatever the dickens they call it was going to burst though his nose is not so big after I

series even if the first term of a succeeding one each imagining himself to be first last only and alone whereas he is neither first nor last nor only nor alone in a series

it wasnt washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in me nice invention they made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if someone gave them a touch of it themselves theyd know what I went through with Milly nobody would believe cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a swing out of your whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a year as regular as the clock always with a smell of children off her the one they called budgers or something like a nigger with a shock of hair on it Jesusjack the child is a black the last time

listener's and the narrator's

me his name who tell me who the german Emperor is it

mind now tell me who are you thinking of who is it

Id have to dring it into him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing on the carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or a nun maybe like the smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yes because theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want a woman to get well if his nose bleeds youd think it was O tragic and that dyinglooking one off the south circular when he sprained his foot at the choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones she could find at the bottom of the basket anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with her old maids voice trying to imagine he was dying on account of her to never see thy face again though he looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed father was the same besides I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if it was a thing I was sick then wed see what attention only of course the woman hides it not to give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere Im sure by his appetite anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of her so either it was one of those night women if it was down there he was really and the hotel story he made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did I meet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and who else who let me see that big babbyface I saw him and he not long married flirting with a young girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back on him when he slinked out looking quite conscious what harm but he had the impudence to make up to me one time well done to him mouth almighty and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever met and thats called a solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if its not that its some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the sly if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day before yesterday he was scribbling something a letter when I came into the front room to show him Dignams death in the paper as if something told me and he covered it up with the blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very probably that was it to somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because all men get a bit like that at his age especially getting on to forty he is now

I was there a squad of them falling over one another and bawling you couldnt hear your ears supposed to be healthy not satisfied till they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont know what supposing I risked having another not off him though still if he was married Im sure hed have a fine strong child but I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be awfully jolly I suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking about me and Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if thatll do him any good I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene he was dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on account of not liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standup row over politics he began it not me when he said about Our Lord being a carpenter at last he made me cry of course a woman is so sensitive about everything

shape of my bedroom so I let him keep it as if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocket of course hes mad on the subject of drawers thats plain to be seen always skeezing at those brazenfaced things on the bicycles with their skirts blowing up to their navels even when Milly and I were out with him at the open air fete that one in the cream muslin standing right against the sun so he could see every atom she had on when he saw me from behind following in the rain I saw him before he saw me however standing at the corner of the Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on him with the muffler in the Zingari colours to show off his complexion and the brown hat looking slyboots as usual what was he doing there where hed no business they can go and get whatever they like from anything at all with a skirt on it and were not to ask any questions but they want to know where were you where are you going I could feel him coming along skulking after me his eyes on my neck he had been keeping away from the house he felt it was getting too warm for him so I halfturned and stopped then he pestered me to say yes till I took off my glove slowly watching him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the rain anything for an excuse to put his hand anear me drawers drawers the whole blessed time till I promised to give him the pair off my doll to carry about in his waistcoat pocket O Maria Santisima he did look a big fool dreeping in the rain splendid set of teeth he had made me hungry to look at them and beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoat I had on with the sunray pleats that there was nobody he said hed kneel down in the wet if I didnt so persevering he would too and ruin his new raincoat you never know what freak theyd take alone with you theyre so savage for it if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and touched his trousers outside the way I used to Gardner after with my ring hand to keep him from doing worse where it was too public I was dying to find out was he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over they want to do everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and father waiting all the time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in the butchers and had to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me that letter with all those words in it how could he have the face to any woman after his company manners making it so awkward after when we met asking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course he saw I wasnt he had a few brains not like that other fool Henny Doyle he was always breaking or tearing something in the charades I hate an unlucky man and if I knew what it meant of course I had to say no for form sake dont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of course it

it was all his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at our table on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in my house stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see her aunt if you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had something on with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you have no proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I told her what I thought of her suggesting me to go out to be alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters I found in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a little bit too much her face swelled up on her with temper when I gave her her weeks notice I saw to that better do without them altogether do out the rooms myself quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt I gave it to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house I couldnt even touch him if I thought he was with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven like that one denying it up to my face and singing about the place in the W C too because she knew she was too well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it that long so he must do it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it the night Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb to squeeze back singing the young May moon shes beaming love because he has an idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out and going to the Gaiety though Im not going to give him the satisfaction in any case God knows hes a change in a way not to be always and ever wearing the same old hat unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant do it myself a young boy would like me Id confuse him a little alone with him if we were Id let him see my garters the new ones and make him turn red looking at him seduce him I know what boys feel with that down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hour question and answer would you do this that and the other with the coalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some dean or bishop was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens when I was knitting that woollen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging him making him worse than he is who is in your

money she can out of him no fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not that I care two straws now who he does it with or knew before that way though Id like to find out so long as I dont have the two of them under my nose all the time like that slut that Mary we had in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him bad enough to get the smell of those painted women off him once or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to come near me when I found the long hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchen pretending he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them

he never did a thing like that before as ask to get his breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the City Arms hotel when he used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his highness to make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he thought he had a great leg of and she never left us a farthing all for masses for herself and her soul greatest miser ever was actually afraid to lay out 4d for her methylated spirit telling me all her ailments she had too much old chat in her about politics and earthquakes and the end of the world let us have a bit of fun first God help the world if all the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and lownecks of course nobody wanted her to wear them I suppose she was pious because no man would look at her twice I hope Ill never be like her a wonder she didnt want us to cover our faces but she was a welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her dog smelling my fur and always edging to get up under my petticoats especially then still I like that in him polite to old women like that and waiters and beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he got anything really serious the matter with him its much better for them to go into a hospital where everything is clean but I

I only had a ring with the stone for my month a nice aquamarine Ill stick him for one and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so much still I made him spend once with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of a concert so cold and windy it was well we had that rum in the house to mull and the fire wasnt black out when he asked to take off my stockings lying on the hearthrug in Lombard street west and another time it was my muddy boots hed like me to walk in all the horses dung I could find but of course hes not natural like the rest of the world that I what did he say I could give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and beat her what does that mean I asked him I forget what he said because the stoppress edition just passed and the man with the curly hair in the Lucan dairy thats so polite I think I saw his face before somewhere I noticed him when I was tasting the butter so I took my time Bartell dArcy too that he used to make fun of when he commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after I sang Gounods Ave Maria what are we waiting for O my heart kiss me straight on the brow and part which is my

my things with the blinds down after my hours dressing and perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a thick crowbar standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a few dozen he was in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone had one the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole sheep after whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in the middle of us or like a Stallion driving it up into you because thats all they want out of you with that determined vicious look in his eye I had to halfshut my eyes still he hasnt such a tremendous amount of spunk in him when I made him pull out and do it on me considering how big it is so much the better in case

me or dreaming am I in it who gave him that flower he said he bought he smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind of paste they stick their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those richlooking green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with the opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that American that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took the port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely and tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped straight into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us I thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish us when I blessed myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar as if the world was coming to an end and then they come and tell you theres no God what could you do if it was running and rushing about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to church mass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only grey matter because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I

Im him think of him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me what he never will he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it till he comes and then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all with all the talk of the world about it people make its only the first time after that its just the ordinary do it and think no more about it why cant you kiss a man without going and marrying him first you sometimes love to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant help yourself I wish some man or other would take me sometime when hes there and kiss me in his arms theres nothing like a kiss long and hot down to your soul almost paralyses you then I hate that confession when I used to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and what harm if he did where and I said on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on your person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was it where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right out and have done with it what has that got to do with it and did you whatever way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real father what did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he had a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither would he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know me in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed never turn or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyre lost for a woman of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone them Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of incense off him like the pope besides theres no danger with a priest if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to H H the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I didnt like his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking of his fathers I wonder is he

himself to be the first to enter whereas he is always the last term

theyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he noticed at once even before he was introduced when I was in the D B C with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was waggling my foot we both ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw him looking with his two old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the girl where it was what do I care with it dropping out of me and that black closed breeches he made me buy takes you half an hour to let them down wetting all myself always with some brandnew fad every other week such a long one I did I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got after some robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish times lost in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I saw his eyes on my feet going out through the turning door he was looking when I looked back and I went there for tea 2 days after in the hope but he wasnt now how did that excite him because I was crossing them when we were in the other room first he meant the shoes that are too tight to walk in my hand is nice like

part he was pretty hot for all his tinny voice too my low notes he was always raving about if you can believe him I liked the way he used his mouth singing then he said wasnt it terrible to do that there in a place like that I dont see anything so terrible about it Ill tell him about that some day not now and surprise him ay and Ill take him there and show him the very place too we did it so now there you are like it or lump it he thinks nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about my mother till we were engaged otherwise hed never have got me so cheap as he did he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to give him a tiny bit cut off my drawers that was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me in the eye of my glove and I had to take it off asking me questions is it

I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I knew he was gone on me and the first socialist he said He was he annoyed me so much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a lot of mixedup things especially about the body and the inside I often wanted to study up that myself what we have inside us in that family physician I could always hear his voice talking when the room was crowded and watch him after that I pretended I had a coolness on with her over him because he used to be a bit on the jealous side whenever he asked who are you going to and I said over to Floey and he made me the present of Byron's poems and the three pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easily get him to make it up any time I know how Id even supposing he got in with her again and was going out to see her somewhere Id know if he refused to eat the onions I know plenty of ways ask him to tuck down the collar of my blouse or touch him with my veil and gloves on going out I kiss then would send them all spinning however alright well see then let him go to her she of course would only be too delighted to pretend shes mad in love with him that I wouldnt so much mind Id just go to her and ask her do you love him and look her square in the eyes she couldnt fool me but he might imagine he was and make a declaration to her with his plabbery kind of a manner like he did to me though I had the devils own job to get it out of him though I liked him for that it showed he could hold in and wasnt to be got for the asking he was on the pop of asking me too the night in the kitchen I was rolling the potato cake theres something I want to say to you only for I put him off letting on I was in a temper with my hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I let out too much the night before talking of dreams so I didnt want to let him know more than was good for him she used to be always embracing me Josie whenever he was there meaning him of course glauming me over and when I said I washed up and down as far as possible asking me and did you wash possible the women are always egging on to that putting it on thick when hes there they know by his sly eye blinking a bit putting on the indifferent when they come out with something the kind he is what spoils him

[somedaypast-thesunset]

two years ago today my father passed away.

ive just kind of ... sat on this day. like it was looming over me but i just focused on my own personal recovery with it in the back of my head. he actually passed around 3am, so the day itself doesnt necessarily carry that weight. 

and today was good if not even great. i mean like, my life is pretty bad overall so a ‘great’ day is like.. very rare. i have good days, but great days are hard to come by. but i was really good today and took care of myself and cut & dyed my hair and kept on track for my goal and then i went outside and met atleast 5 people i dont know very well at all and have had the briefest acquaintanceship with and positively interacted with all of them. lke an entre group of 10 people; and i made the effort to like.. spread myself out among people and talk to them and acknowledge them and like.. thats an amazing accomplishment that no one else will care about. no one understands how ridiculously hard it is for me to handle even a group of lke.. 3 people. i shut down very quick and i keep to myself and just listen but i was myself - i didnt put myself out at all and i like.. did not give a fuck. it was like.. you can be here or you can not be here - you can like me or not like me. thats okay. i have way bigger issues in my life than whether or not you like me. like thats the most realest sentiment ive made in five years. 

then i saw a movie with him at the theatres and i feel like we wer eboth tired but we both kept saying we’d do it and like.. hes dedicated most of his free time to me in the past 48 hours. he gave me an opportunty for money. drove me to get hair dye, watched  a movie he had no interest in and then showed up relatively on time today with something i asked for and then kept his promise to take me to the movies. thats really nice. like thats on level with his summer efforts which were above nd beyond - like no one else will try so hard to get laid by me in my life. he works sooo hard - like harder than ive personally witnessed anyone work wth an ethic that is unmatched by anyone ive met. and on top of that alone he gave me incredibly large portions of his time to help me do things in my house and cook me dinner and take me out and support the things i did. _without getting laid_. he even worked today then showed up very clean cut and nice looking - so we both kind of looked nice to go on this very tired date that was like going through the motions a little bit but it was still really nice. and it was like .. id like to spend the night with him but its100% okay not to because look at all the things i was already given. the very least i can do is give him back some of his free time. i dont even think we’ve had sex for like.. two weeks maybe. and i told him on friday that this day was comng up and i got emotional about it because its very heavy and very meaningful to me. so i dont know if he put like additional thought into how i was feeling and decided to put in the effort but it really was exceptionally nice. 

writing this now i feel like i should put in the effort to tell him this but like.. vocalizing these feelings sounds really contrived. like i can hear myself and its funny to hear me try to express appreciation because my writing is completely different than how i speak. its like.. my verbal vocabulary is really slow and just.. not great. but writing i dont have the block of trying to verbalize words that for some reason dont come out the way they should - or sentences. but then he gets very anxious receiving a wall of text so its like.. how do i communicate this. i think ill put the effort in anyways because like.. it seems ungrateful not to. 

stepping into my apartment though... the weight dropped on to me. i think its the silence and the emptiness. like it brought back the memory of a quiet silent apartment where i sat and waited. which like, i mention because i hold some guilt but like normal people guilt. obviously i could do nothing. and like.. it was the right thing to do between us. but i think about it. i think about how both of my parents died alone in a hospital bed. and like.. would i want this. i dont know. i really... i dont know. 

but it was silence and waiting, anxiety. stepping back and forth into darkness and a dim lit bedroom. i can see everything. i still feel sorry for my ex. but not like i used to. but just as a person who witnessed that go down. like thats some serious life shit that laid upon him. but just regular person sympathy. like damn- thats some shit. 

and the travel to the hospital at 3 in the morning. knowing that we were going to see a dead man. like i knew he was dead by the phone call telling me he was going. it wasnt like hed miraculously recover from that moment. it was all down hill from there. so we were going to see a dead man but it was like.. you cant not go see a dead man. you cant get this call telling you hes likely not going to make it and then not go to the hospital, even ifyou ‘wait it out’ - i mean eventually i think you have to go. 

and then it all becomes real. like now were going through the process i always knew would happen. one day is this day right now. everything ends now. everything i ever knew before is over. i cried, but briefly. and it felt contrived. and i even said that i just had to process it and go through it because the heaviness of it immediately caused me to cry. it wasnt sadness about his death but like.. suddenly being crushed with immense responsibilities. and then it was over. just .. 10 - 15 seconds of crying and it was over. and they led us down this hallway towards his room and i stopped when i realized they were going to show me the body. 

we returned to the empty apartment which was now suddenly mine. everythng in it was mine, al the crap that was delivered now my responsibility.. i was absolutely completely unprepared emotionally and psychologically and i am literally still not. i am not even surprised at this point that ive become a complete fucking mess. in so many ways my thought processing is naive and infantile and my social and verbal skills are way below what they should be for probably even a teenager and im a young adult, if not almost a fucking adult.