#he was the town drunk sure but he was literally the prettiest town drunk

[dudeshusband]

prettiest man in the whole wide world :]

[fishshit]

i truly think the "a good show makes you crawl on the floor, cry and suffer" mentality tumblr (2010-2016) created is STILL affecting our perception on what is a blorbo or not.

so first of all, let's look at the urban dictionary definition of blorbo:

NOWHERE on this page is saying a blorbo should be:

toxic

miserable

chaotic

dumbass

you should have a love-hate relationship with them

i'm definitely NOT saying that a blorbo shouldn't be all those things, but these are not necessary for a character to be a blorbo. [Miette (from real life) is a perfect example of this. she's our beloved blorbo and yet she's strong, a genius and non-toxic.]

now, i know most of yall know why i'm writing this. we all are aware of the active warzone tumblr has got going on. now to get to my point,

i know voltron fandom went apeshit over ships, created langst tags and stuff. (tbh i've learned all of these recently) but let's sit and think why. i've mentioned in one of my posts or rbs that the only thing i vividly remember about voltron is the queerbaiting and i know for a fact that queerbaiting was one of the biggest factors of these... actions. now when we look at yoi, we see a rather more peaceful fandom. is it because the show had a weaker chokehold on its fans? absolutely not.

i can assure you if yoi queerbaited us the way voltron did, there would be a chaos. and i'm not saying it in the way fans going crazy is funny or shit, no. i'm saying this as in real life chaos, like fans would threaten the creators or create their own reality. they WOULD remake yoi. there aren't any ship wars because victuuri (victor nikiforov x yuuri katsuki) is the ultimate ship, like there aren't any other possible options. nearly every single fan fell straight for victuuri. now think about how many fans are there and how many of them ships victuuri like they're praying to god itself. victuuri made me cry for DAYS, the plottwist was absolutely brilliant and no, none of these emotions were negative but god knows no show on earth made me feel the way yoi did. i'm not saying yoi is the best show ever or it's flawless. we all know our shows (blorbos are from) are generally not the best medias ever. but the way me and so many other fans bonded with this show, these 2 characters (or maybe 3, i don't like yurio that much) and that ship is indescribable. after watching yoi, i've realised that your favourite show doesn't necessarly need to make you feel like you've been stabbed in the chest bazillion times and suffer. no, it also can make you feel like you're on the verge of exploding with the white and shining happiness and love. i'm also pretty sure that's what most of the yoi fans feel, and also sure that no other show would make me feel the same way i felt while watching yoi.

yuuri katsuki, the man who made me feel all those things along with his husband victor nikiforov, is:

a canon bi king who had a crush on probably the prettiest girl in his childhood town and then got engaged to his lifelong idol (also probably the prettiest man in figure skating and,, the world)

anxious disaster (like, it's canon that he has anxiety and he was quite relatable and important for the fans with anxiety) who manages to say the MOST ridiculous stuff and yet tries his best to communicate with people about his needs and weaknesses

world's one of the best skater yet he's unaware how much of an pride he is for his country, fans and family and how good he is. STILL breaks his idols (literal legend of the figure skating) score

made irl queer people cry over him and figure skaters fall for him

got drunk af on the banquet of the gpf which he lost (BECAUSE HIS DOG DIED) and drank over 16 flutes of champagne AND DID POLEDANCE WITH THE SLUTTIEST MAN EVER, DANCED WITH HIS IDOL, WON A BREAKDANCE COMPETITION WITH HIS SOON-TO-BE RIVAL AND THEN DRY HUMPED HIS IDOL WHILE ASKING HIM TO BE HIS COACH

my point is, just because a character doesn't go through hell or make you feel like shit doesn't mean that he isn't a blorbo. you still can think that lance is more of a blorbo, good for you! but i really don't think we need fantasy to feel good.

[vslattae]

ALL I COULD EVER WANT

ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ʙᴄ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴋᴘᴏᴘ ɪᴅᴏʟ...ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇᴅ ʜᴏᴡ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏғ ʜɪs ɢʀᴏᴜᴘᴍᴀᴛᴇs ᴘᴀʏᴇᴅ ᴀᴛᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ..

ᴀʟʟ ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴠsʟᴀᴛᴛᴀᴇ

Paring: Taehyung x reader

Warnings: angst like a mf (im sorry :( ), mentions of alcohol, fluff ( bc tae cares about y/n) mention of cheating, literally y/n becoming a mess, soft kisses, groping, breast worship, dry humping and yeahhh-

( welp...the first actual smutty chapter..so soon? and this is unedited asf i’m sorry)

chapter 4. Things change..and sometimes it’s nice.

———————————————————————

Once again the you feel the car stop and the light goes on in the car. Opening your eyes you find everyone getting out, jimin wraps you in a blanket with him to fight off the cold.

“ jiminnn it’s so cold why did we stop driving?” you shiver and whine at the same time. “ remember? ryujii needed to get off at the next town so here we are” he said stretching his arms around you attempting to keep you warm. Jungkook finally gets out of the driver seat making his way towards you his sleepy sister and manages to keep you and jimin warm.

Haru and Jin finally emerge out of the car, flashing a wink at you. “ hello sleeping beauty..boy do i have news for you.” she says giggling. Pulling you to the front of namjoons car... “well what is it..?” you looked at her while you yawned.

“ Well first off to start off the drive ryujii was whiney the entire time because tae made her sit up front...and he just kept babbaling about some amazing girl that he likes.” oh that made your heart flutter for sure but as yourself you deny any connection to you and laughed. “ okay good joke...” you scanned her face trying to find out if she was lying or not.

“ y/n...i’m not kidding.” she smiled.. “ but you on the other hand you look like a mess what happened?” she chuckled “ jhope drooled on pants so i have to change them but like i’m surrounded by guys.” she looked down at your pants to find out jhope really did drool on you-

“ come on sleepy bug change in our car..taes in there but he’s passed the fuck out.” she laughed. You hesitatly went into the car poking tae..

“ tae...psttt” you poked his cheek. “ hmm?” he opened his eyes slowly shocked to see you in the car. “ can you hand me a pair of sweats jhope drooled on mine” you pouted. chuckling he nodded “ yeah i can’t find your bag so you can borrow mine only if you come back in here so i can sleep good.” he pulled a pair of his sweats out and handed them to you. “ okay now no peeking.” you scolded him.

pulling the hoodie down to cover your ass, you slid off your jhope drooled sweats and replaced them with taes. “ okay i’m done...” tieing the sweats and slipping your vans back on... “ okay well i have pee y/n so let me get out.” nodding you both hopped out of the car letting tae go to bathroom and joining the others.

“ hobi you drooled on my pants so i had to change.” you whined again. “ oh my i’m sorry y/n...but haha were putting you back into jins car there more room. we were crowded although you were quite a nice pillow” he laughed. Taehyung coming back noticed how much you were shivering so he threw his arms around you so you’d stay warm. Haru and everyone else took note of that smiling there cheesy ass smiles.

“ so where the fuck did ryujii go..?” haru spoke up. “ she went home i guess i don’t fucking know” tae laugh. “ how many hours are we away id much rather sleep in a bed than sleep in a car.” you closed your eyes for a second as taehyung a head fell on your shoulder.

“you look so cute in my pants...” he whispered in a low voice. “ shhh don’t want to kiss you again t.” you whispered back.

“ alright everyone. it’s like 2 hours left let’s get back on the road.” Jimin said. “ jungkook sleep i’ll drive. you get the whole middle seat to yourself” jin said smiling opening the door to let haru in and getting in the driver seat. sitting in the back of the car again with taehyung his hand pooling over your shoulder... “ kiss me again..” he looked at you.

“ tell me about ryujii first than maybe i’ll kiss you again.” you smiled sleepily. “ you’ve met her you know how she is...i found her sleeping hooking up with a guy outside of our apartment.” he said pushing a few strands out of your hair behind your ear.

“ why didn’t you tell me that part?” you pouted at him. “ because you were so busy barking up my ass about flirting with you.” you giggled “ that cannot be true...i don’t always yell at you..” you smiled at him. “ that’s not a true statement either love..now where’s my kiss?” he cooed at you.

“ oh no that’s not how this works...” you layed your head on his shoulder closing your eye lids finally drifting back to sleep. As soon as he knew you were asleep he kissed the crown of your head smiled and fell asleep as well.

꧁꧂

Finally arriving at your vacation home which by now it’s around 6 o’clock in the morning everyone piling there bags into the house and picking out rooms...there was just one teeny problem...stepping into your room that you had just found out tae was in as well there was only one bed. and there was only one person to blame for that. haru.

“ i’m going to take a nap no one please disturb me thank you” you smiled plopping yourself on the bed.

Haru walked in and looked at you. “ hey y/n how about a little bet” she smirked and boy did this cause trouble. “what” you yawned looking at her with half lidded eyes. “so we’re going out and seeing as someone is a little sleepy tae decided to stay here with you...so i’m giving you until the end of the trip to confess for aroundddd i dunno whatever you want me to buy for you” she smiled at you.

“bet easy as pie you know” you giggled back at her. “ alrighty night night princess” she turns off the light and you finally toss over pull your hoodie off and roll over to sleep on your stomach.

About 2 hours later Taehyung comes to check on you..only to find you shirtless...curled up in a ball and lightly tossing and turning..he chuckled and kisses your cheek repeatedly.. “ y/nnn wake up watch a movie with meee” he whines.

“okay okay i’m coming..give me like 2 minutes.” you rubbed your eyes and jumped out of bed. “my goodness you made you so needy tae, i thought i told everyone to not disturb me..” you went into the closet to grab another hoodie. Taehyung noticed how you were still in his sweats, they looked a little baggie on you but you still remained the cutest short girl that he undoubtedly had feelings for.

Running into the living room tae was settled on the couch laying across it, while you came and sat on the floor. About half way into the movie you heard tae whine. “well what’s wrong?” You set your head on the couch peering at him like a little three year old. “I absolutely don’t get this movie it’s tragic.” he starred back at you. “Of course you don’t get it” you laughed throwing your hands to hit his hand lightly.

Taehyungs phone rang, he got up and answered.

“hello?” he looked at you watching the movie in awe as he continued the listening to his phone call.

“what. you still love me?” he walked back and forth.

“listen you know what happened so please don’t try and save yourself...you fucked up.And Do Not, i repeat do not bring her name into this shit thank you but you do indeed still have these so called feelings sort your shit out thank you and goodbye.” he hung up and made his way back to the couch sighing in frustration.

“so that was ryujii i take it?” you turned around to look at him. “No okay don’t worry about it okay?” eyeing him you ask him again.... “then who was it.”

“Didn’t i tell you not worry about...jesus christ y/n can you back off my shit for once?” you paused. What the fuck...frustrated you stood up and walked back into your room “you know tae..for once in my life i tried to be nice and let you in, especially after kissing you for crying out loud, I thought i really actually liked you..but turns out i know your still whipped for that ryujii bitch huh..” You spat that out and closed your room door.

You sank to the floor trying to calm yourself down, half of you wanted to just get up and leave but...you on the other hand had other plans. Getting off the floor you change your clothes into a hoodie and a pair of jeans and walked out of the room.

“y/n where are you going it’s the middle of the god damn day..” he looked at you eyebrow cocked as if he was testing you. “out i’m going for a walk.” you walked out of the house and somehow manage to climb the tree and neared the waters edge. The branch was stable as far you could tell, you just needed to think things out before turning back and slapping taehyung in his god damn perfect face. You didn’t even know how you liked him, you knew him all to well, he was the kind to get drunk on his off days and pull the prettiest girl at the bar while you sat in the apartment along with everyone else managing to block all the whines and crying of the girls he brought over.

Meanwhile in the house taehyung replayed that last part... ‘i thought i actual liked you but your still whipped for that bitch ryujii’ He had to admit that was the harshes you ever gotten with him especially for such a sensitive subject for him..

Returning home everyone came back and haru went to check on you only to find that every room you would have been was empty or filled with everyone else. “where the fuck is y/n” she perched up and asked taehyung. “she went for a walk she yelled at me because of ryujii and left. Jungkook waltz in and noticed that a bottle of soju was missing and he began to frantically search for his you everywhere.

Everyone rushed outside looking for you...

“y/n?!” “where the fuck are you!” jungkook yelled out fearing that maybe a fucked up person actually kidnapped you until he noticed your dangling figure up in a tree, bottle of soju in your hand and it seemed that you were just fine.

“i’m fine jk...expect...i cant get down.” you laughed. “Why on earth are you up there in the first place. you know your afraid of heights jesus.” he worriedly looked up at you trying to figure out why the fuck you were up there in the first place.

“well..” you laughed “i came out here to figure shit out...i just told taehyung that i liked him and he doesn’t even want me jk...he so focused on ryujii so i left the house and came up here because...” you started to sniffle. Yoongi took matters into his own hands climbing up the tree to fetch you off. “jesus y/n...you scared all of us to death no more tree climbing for you okay” he said in a monotone voice to make it seem like he was panicking either.

Once you were safely on the ground jungkook rushed to you and searched for any cuts that tree would have gave you. “i’m fine jk honestly” you handed him the bottle of soju and started stumbling into the house. You spotted haru and she ran up to you. there was a knock on the door...

“I’ll get it” you giggled and wobbled to the front door opening it. There she was..and how the fuck did she know where you guys were. “taehyung it’s for you” you walked back into the room as haru ushered to sit on the counter and watch what happened outside. It seemed like they were arguing...until she kissed him. For the first time you were honestly hurt.. “Shit” haru tried grabbing you before you could open the sliding door to the backyard. Taehyung looked a little taken back...dazed on what the fuck just happened.

“Is there a reason your here or what the fuck are you doing” haru went to look for jungkook before you broke something. “Is there a reason why the fuck you aren’t inside?” ryujii peered at you “I came here to have a nice time with my brother and my family and here you are. It’s like you can never leave ryujii. I honestly don’t know why the fuck you are here.” you spat out at her.

“please tend to your brother and stay out of my shit y/n...god you always ogled over taehyung and now your pissed because of what? Because i’m here?” she scoffed. Now everyone was outside listening to the conversation.

Jungkook finally rushed out to your side. “ you what’s fucked up? You wanna know why i’m pissed ryujii.?” she nodded smiling but soon that smile was gonna disappear in about 0.22 seconds.

“I was there when I saw you kissing that other guy while you were dating taehyung. I’ve kept it to myself for the longest time..he lost his smile because of you hell i was the one that came over in the middle of the night because jk rushed me over because god he was so drunk and was weeping over a stuck up bitch like you. He didn’t do anything but while you sat there and toyed with his heart for no god damn reason ryujii, and here you are back again for no god damn reason. You act like showing here is gonna give you another chance with taehyung but it’s probably never gonna happen. is that hard to figure out he doesn’t want a cheating whore like you.” Your eyes glanced towards taes. and there it was...the eyes half closed trying to forbid the memory. Everyone went silent hearing you ramble on but in the inside jk was screaming along with haru because your actually protecting the ones you love.

“God i’m so touched y/n after all these years you finally got passed the stage of annoyance from taehyung and your actually in love with him aren’t you?” you laughe booming the outside and you had to admit that it was starting to hurt your ears.

“Now to protect you from getting hurt I suggest you to leave now.” Your eyes starting to get a little misty from all the pent up rage that settled in the pit of your stomach. “Oh well...you wanna know something too y/n...while your heart ached for taehyung..i was still the bitch blowing his brains out he even told me how much he missed me...you can pile those feelings down-” Her sentence was cutoff due to taehyung pulling her through the house and kicking her out through the front door followed by you almost punting the chick thank god jungkook had a hand on you because woozy y/n is strong y/n... “please refrain from ever contacting me again ryujii and i mean it and yeah...everything y/n said is correct please stay out of my life and i mean that, goodbye.” he slammed the door in her face and walked into the bathroom.

Haru looked at you. “ god since when is drunk y/n such a bold bitch?” she giggled and pulled you into a hug. “ i’m proud of you especially from refraining to any violence acts you know.” for the first time in a long time you cried...you cried because you could finally let everything go the hiding your feelings and the guilt that built upside you, it felt like the monster that was sucking the life out of you was finally gone. or so you hoped she would never return..

Everyone surrounded you and made sure your okay. “hey goober.” jungkook looked at you. “if this means your fucking tae...gross” he laughed. “ew gross..” you scoffed. “anyways i’m still tired and i’m going to lay down okay..” you smiled at him. “go shower first..we still have a week here before we have to go back to the company i just want to enjoy my time here with you and everyone else okay.?”

༺༻

Around 10 o’clock is when everyone settled down getting ready to go to sleep..tae peered in at your sleeping figure. “you know how hard it was for me to not beat the shit out of your ex girlfriend.” you sat up “you know how long it took you to figure shit out” he laughed a little. “tae i’m sorry about yelling at you-” he cut you off.. “ it’s fine i just wanna take things slow..i’m sorry for being a dick i should have kicked her out when she showed up.” his face inched out closer to yours.. “ i do believe you owe me a kiss still..” his lips ghosting your ever so slightly.

“you want it now or a few more months later.?” you looked up at him admiring his face once again. he layed down next to you rolled over..

“heyyyyy what are you doing” you whined “ giving you a taste of your own medicine” he chuckled. turning over you climb into his lap. You put all your weight on him “stop teasinggg i’ll give your god damn kiss tae-” His lips pressed against yours, you sighed at the feeling him tugging against your bottom lip. “is there any other girls i should worry about orrr” his hands wrapped around your waist. “ will you just shush and enjoy this moment please.” he placed his lips on yours again tongues intertwined as he rocked your hips back and forth on him..

The feeling was erotic...and somehow you never thought that all this time here you were on top of tae doing gods knows what. A tiny whine came from your lips as he pulled your hoodie off to admire your top half of your body.

“beautiful..” he whispered out and there was his boxy smile again. “god your so weird..” you giggled at him as his lips attacked your collarbone pouring down until it reach the valley of your breasts. God this image of you eyes rolled back as his hands dug into your hips to attempt to get you off. Placing one hand on your soft skin he told his mouth and kitten licked your nipple rolling it his mouth back and forth.

“tae” you whined, “come here i just want to get you off you deserve it after all.” he looked up at you gnawing on his bottom lip. Placing you off his lap and pulling you underneath the soft comfort of the blankets, he slid off your shorts. “open your mouth” he told you softly and doing so he placed two fingers in your mouth for lubricant. “sorry to ask this haha but do you want to do this?” smiling and nodding you guided his hands down to your aching core.

Sliding your underwear to the side he came back for another kiss as he lightly pushed his fingers inside. “god your so wet baby..” he huffed out. “your lucky..i- fuck” pulling his face back to you his hand movements sped up whimpering at the pace he was thrusting his fingers into you. “Tell me how it feels baby” he placed his forehead on yours.

“so good...so fucking good” eyes rolling back as the spring in your stomach was about to pop your hand locked on his wrist as you continue to tell him how good it feels. He knew you were close when your whines got a little louder and your need to kiss him so you kept quite.

“let go y/n...it’s okay baby” he murmured in your ear. with a soft whine and your muscles tightening around his fingers, arm tugging at tae hoodie sleeve you relaxed. He slid his fingers out and placed them in his mouth tasting you. “sweet here taste come here” sticking out his tongue you placed it in your mouth and twisted your tongue with his tasting the juices that came from you, it tasted sweeter maybe because of the hint of strawberry’s taehyung ate earlier.

Finally in a sleepy state you pull your pants back on and curled up against tae. “so..you wanna tell me what that was about?” he kissed the top of your head intertwining his fingers with yours. “oh about the whole feeling thing” he nodded pulling you closer. “Hm...Let’s just put it as...i know i’ve been a dick to you only because i know how you are with girls tae, i’m sorry to say this but your kind of a hoe” you chuckle out.

“well that’s a bad way to put it y/n...lucky i don’t think i remember the last guy you dated, until jk knocked him out remember?” he laughed quietly. “ Yeah yeah i know...he was an ass, but anyways back to the topic...i guess you could say i don’t find you annoying all the time.” you gaze into his eyes seeing warmth and happiness that bounced off of him.

“hey i know that plus i know you enjoy my little pick up lines” he whispered slowly closing his eyes. “ your right i do sometimes...just promise me one thing?” you divert your attention to his hand on yours. “hmm?” he hummed out. “i swear to god you find another one of your ex’s gf show up...i swear i’ll kick you out with her so no more okay?” he chuckled sleepily. “as of now my little pipsqueak your the apple of my eye and i don’t think that’ll change anytime soon okay?” nodding your head you closed your eyes and drifted into a deep sleep wondering how this whole thing would go.

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a/n: woooooo the first smutty chapter is done. and tae isn’t that bad i guess but ryujii can suck y/ns toes :) anyways lmk what you think or if you wanna be on the taglist :) ♡︎𑁍

ⓉⒶⒼⓁⒾⓈⓉ:

@hantaev @strawverryxmilktae @serendipitysev

[kingofno-whereville]

I was on my way home from my grandma’s and I passed a bar that was like. right next to a daycare, they literally shared a driveway, and not only is that fucking hilarious but it also got me thinking about a harringrove au?

Y’know like a freshly 21 year old Billy gets drunk at a party and has a one night stand with a girl just because he needed to fuck something but it’s the late 80′s, he’s still gotta be careful about the whole gay thing. Next thing he knew, the girl dropped the baby on him a year later and dipped. So he needed to find a job. And finding babysitters is really hard but there’s a daycare that takes babies. What do you know, it’s next to bar, and they’re hiring. It’s a lucky strike for Billy. 

He wants to be the best dad he could be because his daughter deserves that much. She’s not even a year but he already feels for her. Absent mom and all. But he refused to let her have the shitty dad too. Anyway. First day he brings her in. Sunshine Palace Daycare. The place really screamed small town daycare. It was quiet, a couple of kids sitting at a little table eating snacks. It was only 7:30 so most kids probably wouldn’t be there for another 15 minutes. 

“Hello?” He was expecting maybe some blond hair, blue eyed girl in a floral dress, because that’s his preconceived image of daycare babysitter. Instead he got this:

The most gorgeous man he’d ever seen with big brown eyes and pretty brown hair to go with them in a pink apron trying to carry a stack of boxes. He watched him carefully set them down at a counter and brush the dust off his hands.

“Hi, can I help you?” Billy felt like his brain was short circuiting.

“Uhm-I-yeah. I’m Billy, I called?” To be fair a woman had answered the phone. 

“Oh, right! This is Poppy then?” He just liked the name. Refused to name her something generic, which made him glad her mom hadn’t named her.

“This is her.” He smiled and set her carrier down to take her out. She was still sleeping from the car ride, which was only 10 minutes from his apartment. She never stays awake in the car, he learned.

“I’m Steve by the way.” He shook his hand. No wedding ring. Steve held his hands out. “Can I hold her?”

“Yeah of course.” He’s wary of strangers around his baby but 

1) Steve’s hot. How could he not trust such a pretty face?

2) Steve’s her babysitter so he has to suck it up and deal with the idea of him and anyone else working there holding his baby.

He watched him closely while he held her. He liked how carefully he held her. Made him feel safe leaving her, even if he was right next door. 

“She’s pretty like her daddy.” Fuck. Billy used to be so goddamn smooth but he couldn’t even think of an equally flirty line to throw back.

“Thank you.” 

“I’m sure you’ve gotta get off to work. Poppy’s in really good hands though.” He looked at his watch. It had been almost 15 minutes but felt like 5. 

“I work at the bar right by here so call if anything happens. Sometimes she won’t eat unless she’s sitting up and I left her extra formula in the front pocket of her diaper bag-”

“I’m guessing this is your first time being away from her?” He nodded, looking at the ground in embarrassment. “She’ll be okay. She won’t even leave my sight.” Billy handed him the diaper bag and kissed Poppy’s head. 

“I’ll be back at 4:30.”

“She’ll see you then!” Steve waved as Billy walked off. He waved and left before he could panic and just call in sick.

-

He would bring Poppy in at 7:30 every morning to have those few extra minutes to chat with Steve before work. He learned that Steve was single and also possibly into men. He likes to paint. He wanted to be a teacher but was working at the daycare until he got the money for school. He has the prettiest laugh.

After 3 months of early morning chats he started bringing Steve a coffee from the place across the street from his apartment. Steve likes the sugary flavored stuff with whip cream and cinnamon, which seemed completely fitting. He was pretty sure he was in love with him. 

It was a breezy September morning, 6 months after he started bringing Poppy to Sunshine Palace. She was almost a year old. He was sitting at the counter in the little kitchen with Steve, sharing their usual coffee. 

“Sorry if this is...uncomfortable or anything but would you maybe wanna get dinner sometime?” Billy felt his heart skid to a halt inside of him.

“Like..a date-”

“It doesn’t have to be a date.” He could see panic in his eyes. He’s gotten good at reading his emotions.

“What if I want it to be?”

“Then it can be.” It made his stomach warm to see the smile return to Steve’s face. “Are you free tomorrow? Robin could watch Poppy for you.” Robin was the girl who worked at the daycare with Steve. Billy had a momentary scare when he met her, mistaking her for Steve’s girlfriend. Turns out she’s “pretty fucking gay” in her words.

“That could work.”

- 

The date went so well it lead to 2 more dates. Steve celebrated Poppy’s birthday with him. And then they went on 3 more dates. They celebrated Steve’s birthday and Poppy called Steve daddy. Billy felt like dying but Steve loved it. They went on a handful more dates before they decided to move in together. 

(and yes, Steve ended up going to school to be a teacher.) 

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Share a Lair 05 || Share a Party

Charlotte was a little bit uncomfortable and for most of the drive, she was worried about saying too much, saying too little, saying stuff that made her seem like a pretentious egomaniac, saying stuff that made her seem like a dumbed down conformist… and in her thinking so much about what to say and what not to say, she decided at least on one thing, “I’m sorry that Henry and Jasper did this to you.”

He frowned. “Nothing to be sorry about. You don’t want to be stuck with those nerds, anyway.”

“Nerds.” She said it with no context and no tone. He didn’t know if she was making a declaration, questioning his choice of words or what. “I’m one of these nerds that you speak of,” she added after a long pause.

“Hardly. I mean, you totally are, but one of those people went through a bucket phase and the other is Henry, and I feel like I shouldn’t even have to expound on that, because you’re a smart lady.” She laughed. 

She was typically very defensive of Henry. She stuck her neck out for him and had his back a lot. Something about him not even just telling her that he didn’t want to hang out with her tonight made laughing at his expense acceptable in the moment.

“Yeah. They’re nerds. But, they’re supposed to be MY nerds. Over the last few years, they just get closer and closer, but damn - I guess I didn’t think that they’d ever just shut me out completely.” She didn’t want to bum him out. He was about to link up with his friends and she probably should have just went back home when she realized that she wasn’t included in plans.

“Don’t think of it as them shutting you out. Think of it as them finally letting you breathe! Maybe you’re so uptight because somebody had to make sure that the two of them didn’t accidentally stupid themselves to death.” She laughed again, a little harder than before, then gasped, suddenly stricken with fear! “They’re NOT gonna stupid themselves to death, Charlotte,” he said. “You deserve a night off. You’re not a single mom and they aren’t children, just idiots, but most people are, especially compared to people like us.”

Sadly, she whimpered, “They’re supposed to be my idiots.”

“I’ll introduce you to new idiots! And my idiots are nice and loyal.” He smiled. She could have Oyster for free… But… He’d likely keep a barrier between her and Gideon. She didn’t deserve that.

He got out of the car and telekinetically opened her door for her as he met her on the other side, then said, “Oh, and that was my last one of the night. They’re not supposed to know about my powers continuing.”

“Continuing?”

“Relax, Char. We haven’t even had our first date yet. You don’t need to know everything about me right now.”

“Our FIRST date? YET?” She repeated, incredulously.

“Oh look, she knows how to mimic.” He smiled, so she’d know he was just giving her a hard time, but then he took her hand and led her to this house that looked very much like a movie scene, with people all over the place, outside and in, but nothing extravagant and unbelievable happened right as they approached or right as they entered, so she knew it was real life. Whenever they got in, an old Asian man handed her a bottle of champagne and she tried to give it back, but he was very excitedly greeting Max and cheering about the party, the New Year and his grandson.  After a while, Max said, “This is Charlotte.”

“Max Thunderman, you always find the prettiest girls!” the old man said.

Max pulled her closer and warned the old man playfully, “Don’t get fresh.” Her face was warm and the heat was flushing through her entire body. They parted ways with the old man, but Max didn’t let go of her. She rationalized, because the room is kinda crowded and we’ve gotta stick together… 

He introduced her to people just like, “This is Charlotte,” which her brain began to toss around after the 3rd or 4th time - is he saying it like that to avoid telling anybody anything more about me, or have they already heard my name before? Does he just not have a cover for why we would know each other? Or… has he told his friends that I exist? But, she shook her head, why would he tell his friends you exist, Girl? This man wasn’t thinking about you. He just got swindled into distracting you and the hero in him is trying to do right by that obligation… But, wait… Nobody makes Max do anything that he doesn’t want to… and his hand has pretty much made a little groove in my waist now…

He was right, though. His friends WERE super nice, and… kind of idiots. But, she was relaxing more and more as time went on and eventually, when she seemed comfortable enough, Max let go of her. They were chatting and laughing with his friends and several times the two of them exchanged amused looks, KNOWING that they were the only two people there who noticed something or caught something hilariously ignorant that was said. They weren’t being malicious, just… clearly the smartest people in the bunch. It was kind of like whenever she was with the Man Cave and nobody else caught something but her, but this time, somebody else was there to give a look of acknowledgment.

At some point, Oyster suggested, “Since all of us are here tonight, we should do a one night only band reunion!”

Max laughed and shook his head. Charlotte gasped and said, “That would be SO cool!”

Max stopped laughing and immediately said, “Of course it will! Let’s umm… Let’s do this,” he said to Oyster, who was VERY excited. The boys gathered and started trying to quickly make a plan and Phoebe spotted Charlotte, sitting by herself, not too far away from them.

“Charlotte!” She called and waved. Charlotte smiled and waved back. Phoebe came over and introduced her best friend, Cherry, and wondered, “What are these goobers doing?”

“A one night only band reunion,” Charlotte said, giggling.

“Oyster’s plan?” Phoebe and Cherry both asked. Charlotte nodded. “I’m surprised that he got Max to agree to it,” Phoebe said. “Unlesssss… Charlotte… Did you get Max to agree to this?”

Charlotte shook her head, “All I said is it would be cool…”

“She’s got him,” Cherry and Phoebe said at the same time.

“Please stop doing that,” Charlotte said, laughing a little uncomfortably. “And also, what do you mean by that?”

“Max has the hots for you!” Cherry said, with an expression on her face like it was obvious. But. Charlotte had literally JUST met this woman. Cherry and Phoebe sat on either side of her to ask her questions and gauge to see if she both liked Max back and if she was even right for him…

Max looked over, noticed them hounding her and gasped. He grabbed Charlotte’s hands and asked, “Hey, would you like to play a song with the guys?"

"Not reall-” he gave her a push towards the band and she furrowed her eyebrows.

He turned to Cherry and Phoebe and whispered loudly to them, “Back off! Whatever you’re doing, just back off!”

“We’re helping you!” Cherry loud whispered back.

“No!” He turned and Charlotte had a guitar. “Hi! Okay. Ummm.. I’ll take that."

"Okay?” She said, handing it to him. “Are you okay, Max?"

"Haven’t played in a while and we weren’t great the first time…”

“Yeah, the only good songs were from when he stole Phoebe’s diary and turned her pain into lyrics.” Max’s eyes narrowed at her and Phoebe’s eyes widened.

“That’s horrible!” Charlotte said, looking at Max with disdain. “You really WERE a villain.”

“Right! Past tense! He hasn’t done anything that foul in a long time. Good Guy Max, now,” Phoebe said. Max sighed. They were obviously persistent to make it worse.

“I was a kid, you know? Surely, there have been times when you’ve done something not that great to somebody you cared about when you were younger?”

Charlotte recalled distracting Jasper so that Piper could pore moth pheromones on him, against his will. Terrible thing to do to someone… So, she nodded and let it go. Max said to Phoebe, “By the way, we only had one hit and that was about Link’s toe, so that’s what we’re going with.”

“Wait…” She said, but the band was taking it to the makeshift stage. Charlotte didn’t know if she was simply the only person not drunk or if this was a Hiddenville staple or something, but this song was downright terrible. She laughed about it and hoped it came across as a laugh of support. But, the guys were good at instruments and Max’s singing voice did things to her. Whenever they were done, he rushed off and she was confused.

Where the heck did he go? “Max’s Girlfriend! Max’s Girlfriend!” She heard somebody calling and looked around to see who this person who was supposed to be his girlfriend, or if maybe there was a different Max or something. But, when she turned around, Oyster handed her the guitar and wondered, “What songs do you know?”

She accepted the instrument and said, “I’m not Max’s girlfriend. We’re just…” She couldn’t realistically say friends, because she had only known him for a few months and it didn’t even seem that long, to be honest, as they didn’t spend much time around each other. She couldn’t say that they were on a date, because they technically weren’t. But, to say that she drove with a stranger to another town to party on one of the hottest party nights sounded off too, because that didn’t seem like her and she wondered how she had come to make such a decision. “We’re just hanging out tonight,” she said.

“So… You’re available?” Gideon asked, excitedly.

“No,” she said. Technically, she wasn’t. She had school, work, and Henry to take care of. She wasn’t as upset as earlier and knew that she wasn’t fed up enough not to.

“That’s gonna make Max sad,” Gideon said, with a frown on his face. She was going to ask more, but Max showed back up, looking refreshed and just… delightfully handsome. He smelled really good too. She figured he must’ve went for a touch up and she appreciated that.

“So, what songs do you know?” Oyster asked Charlotte again.

She knew a ton of them, but wasn’t exactly in the mood to play, because now she was all confused. Did… Max like her? Like, like her like her? Max noticed her discomfort and told everyone that she wasn’t here to serve as a musician, but to have a good time. That settled it.

“So, Charlotte - how did you and Max meet?” Oyster asked. Even though she said she wasn’t his girlfriend and Oyster hadn’t spent a lot of time around Max lately, he knew that look when he saw it. He and Max used to double date all the time.

“Well, I work with his roommate,” she said. And that settled whether or not he’d mentioned her before.

“Sorry to hear that. That guy sounds like a tool,” Oyster commented. Max snickered. But, he’d obviously had the time to mention HENRY.

“He’s my best friend, so, I don’t think so,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. Max remained quiet and the German guy, Wolfgang, was talking. He didn’t seem like he knew English very well, but they could at least understand him. She was having a bit of trouble, but used context clues. Basically, something about how they should all hang out after the party. Max looked at her for an answer. Of course, he wanted to spend more time with his friends. She knew his schedule, sort of. He was always on a mission somewhere. “Um, sure. I can always get a car service if it gets too late.”

“And have them take you all the way to Swellview?” He wondered. “That’d be crazy expensive.”

“Well, my car is actually at your place.”

“Still too much to pay for a car. We don’t have to go,” he said.

“No, no. Of course we will. It’s fine. Henry won’t be working tomorrow. I don’t have to get to bed at any certain time.” She said it, but it was the complete opposite. More than likely, with Henry partying tonight, she would be his backup for everything tomorrow. And she wasn’t much of a partier anyways. But, it was extremely nice of Max to take her out tonight and she didn’t want to ruin his time or be the reason that he had to cut it short from hanging out with his nice friends (probably for the first time in a while).

“Hey! It’s almost countdown!” Cherry rushed over, cheering. “Grab your dates!” She and Oyster took each other’s hands lovingly and Charlotte had just realized that she and Max were the only people who weren’t paired up! Well, in this group at least.

He called, “We gotta go outside for my fireworks presentation!” And grabbed Charlotte by the hand, waving his friends out with the other. She furrowed her eyebrows, but moved quickly so they wouldn’t run her down. He moved them aside, let the others out, then pointed two fingers to start the presentation. “Okay, THAT was the last time,” he said. He wrapped an arm around her waist and directed her to the terrace that his friends were all on. 

The fireworks began, glowing up number designs among them as everyone counted, “10! 9! 8! 7!…” Charlotte was excited. She’d seen fireworks before and she had rang in the New Year before, but never with a group of people that seemed to genuinely like her, or at least be nice to her all night, and never with a hot guy… Who… well, she wasn’t WITH him, but.. She glanced at him as the other’s around them reached one, screamed Happy New Year! And began their first kisses of the year. Max looked bashfully at the ground and said, “You should look at the fireworks. Worked hard on them.”

She turned back to the exhibit, which had his friends’ names and a little character or icon to represent them, and then, “And Charlotte!” She gasped and looked at him.

“Had to work quickly once I realized you’d be coming out tonight…” He smiled and she knew that she still had time. She leaned up as far as she could, but he was about a foot taller than her, only slightly less with her boots on, so he leaned down to meet her. He thought that was going to land on his cheek, but it didn’t. She kissed him. On the lips!

It took him but a brief moment to realize that she had, and once he did, he pulled her closer and kissed her a little harder. Not for long, because the moment that he nibbled on her lip, she seemingly came to her senses and pulled back, with a bashful laugh. “Sor- sorry!” She said, warm in the face. “Guess the spirit of the night jumped into me.”

“I like that. I was hoping that you’d loosen up before the night was over and what’s this? *Gasps!* Casual kisses???” He teased, a glint of joy in his eyes.

She covered her face with both hands and said, “I don’t normally do stuff like that!”

“Hey.” He pulled her hands away gently and held them, “You don’t have to feel like you’ve gotta explain yourself to me, Charlotte. I’m a great guesser, and I’ve got a feeling that I pretty much know what kind of a person that you are.”

“What kind of person is that?” She asked, with a twist of attitude in her voice.

He just laughed lightly, “The kind that just needs to give herself a break and not have to worry about things so much. Just a few hours and you’ve managed to start your year out carefree.”

She actually had SEVERAL cares right now!

…But, looking at Max, she couldn’t remember what any of them were. She shivered. Jeesh! Why hadn’t she programmed a jacket into this dang outfit? Max noticed and asked, “Can I try something?”

“Ummm…?”

“It won’t hurt,” he said, with a smile. She nodded slowly. Max wrapped himself around her from behind and breathed warmth onto the back of her neck. She shivered again, but in a different way and then, she was warm. She leaned back against him and stayed there for a moment. “Okay, I should just stop saying that it’s my last time using my powers, at this point.”

“You really should!” She laughed.

“Max! We’re heading to Maddie’s!” Someone called.

“Right behind you!” He said and let go of Charlotte. “It doesn’t have to be weird, you know? I’d prefer if it isn’t.”

“It isn’t. It wasn’t. It was nice.”

“Good. Still wanna hang out some more?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.” He took her hand and they went to meet up with his friends at another party.

.

High Energy! That was what she felt, on only a few hours of sleep. This new year was already great and she was glad to have let it all out last night and just be for a moment. Whenever she got to the lair, she came in through the tower entrance, but couldn’t find Henry or Jasper. Then again, it was pretty early, so they were probably asleep. She began to make everyone green matcha tea smoothies, get the control panel up and running and get started on some assignments in the lab, for the new year. She peeked into Henry’s bedroom. He wasn’t there. She called his phone. No answer. No worries. He probably just spent the night at Jasper’s and they’re asleep… But… Why spend the night at Jasper’s? This place was MUCH better and closer to their party last night.

Not that she was worried, but she figured that she might just go check out the party site. Hopefully, nobody got arrested… or worse. She drove out there and saw the party boat out in the middle of the water. What was it still doing there?  She looked at the lake, And when did it get cold enough for the lake to freeze? She wondered. She tried to call Jasper and some girl answered his phone, “Hello?”

“Hi! This is Jasper’s friend. The person who this phone is for. Is he around?”

“Oh… No. He’s probably either still on the boat or they had to send out for help.”

“What.”

“Party boat got hit with a HUGE prank. I took the phone and after telling somebody where the dude is, I drop it off at the Pear store.”

“A prank?” Charlotte repeated, recalling Max’s friends talking about the elaborate pranks he pulled in school.

“Hilarious. These two dudes got left behind and somebody froze the water.” She laughed. “Well, Happy New Year. I’m going to the Pear store, Bye!”

Charlotte couldn’t help but to laugh too. But, the water was still frozen. They couldn’t move the boat. She called Max.

“It is before 9,” was how he answered the phone.

“It is. But, I’m looking at this abandoned boat on a frozen lake and have the sneaky suspicion that my friends are trapped on it and also that you can un-trap them.”

“Ugh. Call Phoebe. I’m off today and she cares about rescuing idiots,” he grunted.

“Max…”

“Char…” He mocked. “Seriously. I’m not getting out of bed. They aren’t gonna die.”

She sighed, “This is very, very unprofessional and not heroic.”

“Maybe. But, don’t lie and say that you didn’t find it funny.”

“When did you even find the time to do this???” She wondered.

“Who says I did this?” She could hear a sly smile in his voice. He wasn’t going to reveal his secrets. “Hope it works out for them.”

“You don’t care, do you?”

“No, not really.” He laughed and hung up. She laughed too. Might as well call Ray and Schwoz to get these dudes off the boat with the Man Copter.

[simplyfandomish]

Sister, Sister (3/_)

Older! Gilbert Blythe x Older Shirley! Reader

|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 ||

Anne and Diana took the usual route to school as they did every morning. Both girls were conversing about the basic math assignment they were given as homework the night before. Ruby ran up to the pair from the pathway that led from her newly built home and joined the two girls in their discussion.

“The both of you got 25?” Ruby’s eyes widened slightly, then ducked to the ground in embarrassment, “I got 16...” She had a feeling she had gotten the answer wrong last night, but a piece of her felt confident in her ability in Maths, but seeing Diana and Anne - the two smartest girls in class share the same answer, its was written in stone that she had gotten the problem wrong.

“Oh, the both of you are just so smart! Like Gilbert Blythe…” Ruby sighed with heart eyes. Diana and Anne shared a look with one another, the redhead crossed her eyes in annoyance. Diana snickered.

“Don’t laugh!” Ruby defended. “He is the smartest out of all the boys! He wants to become a doctor, remember?” She stated proudly, now with a skip in her step. 

How her mood could shift so quickly from just the sound of Gilbert’s name amazed Anne. 

“Maybe he could help me with my homework! Oh, it’ll be a date!” Ruby cupped her cheeks, surely her mind wandering to what would occur during their study date. Anne and Diana watched as the blonde haired girl’s cheeks turned a blaring red and she hid her face within her pink knitted scarf, suddenly bashful. 

Diana sighed and changed the conversation, “How is your sister, Anne?”

Anne’s blue eyes sparkled, “She’s spectacular! We write to each other almost everyday - or whenever she has a chance. She’s been increasingly occupied with work, lately. But that’s just like my big sister, always been busy, busy!”

“Sister?!” Ruby gasped, “You have a sister?”

Anne nodded enthusiastically, “Yes! Have I not told you about her?” Her brows furrowed as she tried to rake her head if she ever mentioned her eldest sister.

“No! Oh, how exciting!” Ruby clapped her hands. “Why haven’t you ever mentioned her before?”

Anne played with one of her braids, suddenly bashful.

Diana piped up, “There was an incident with their letters and addresses, but we ran into (Y/n) in Charlottetown while we were visiting my aunt Josephine.” Short and simple. Anne nodded in gratitude. Diana nodded back.

Ruby suddenly sprung in front of the pair, blocking their path momentarily. “What’s she like?!”

Anne smiled, and her eyes grew distant, “Amazing. She’s really tough and knows how to throw a punch! She actually discombobulated a rude customer where she works. She works as a barmaid, but she always jokes about being security.”

“A-a barmaid?” Ruby stuttered. Her imagination drifted off to the cliche images of a barmaid. Tight corsets that supported large...ahem - bosoms, dark red lipstick that accentuated plump lips, hair teased high and tight with dirty curls, and a dark skirt that would be too tight around the bottom.

Could the man she had knocked out trying to be grabbing with her large bosom?? Ruby’s head nearly exploded.

Anne nodded. 

“Anne, you should invite her to Green Gables for tea!” Diana smiled widely. 

Ruby whipped her head to the ravenette with wide eyes, but she went ignored. 

Anne nearly lit up like a firework. “That sounds like a scrumptious idea, Diana! Let’s hurry to class so I can get some paper!” Diana nodded and both girls locked arms and began to scurry to the school house. 

“Come on, Ruby! We’ll be late!” Anne gripped the small girl’s elbow and began to drag her. 

Ruby was quite literally dragged as she felt numb like a wet rag doll as she still tried to grasp the concept that her dear, imaginative friend, Anne, was related to a busty barmaid!

A pair of dirty, brown leather boots stepped onto the wooden platform of Avonlea Station, the passenger took in a breath of the fresh country air, much different than that of musty Charlottetown. They nodded towards the train conductor as their luggage was placed by their feet.

The passenger pulled out a cigarette and lit the end of the paper stick. The tobacco ignited and a puff of smoke drifted from the smoker’s mouth. “So this is Avonlea.” They muttered with a nod of satisfaction. 

The visit to this small town better be worth it. A large hand slammed on the smoker’s shoulder. “Avonlea...the pictures and descriptions do no justice.” The large man sighed with a smile. 

The smoker jerked his shoulder away, “We’re not supposed to be seen together, you moron. You want our plan to fail?”

“Right, sorry.” The large man stepped away from the smoker and put on his bowler hat. He tugged on the front of his jacket and picked up his suitcase. “Meet you at Green Gables then.” He nodded in farewell and walked towards the stables to rent a cab.

The smoked rolled his eyes and drew out another breath of nicotine. Then he dropped the cigarette onto the ground and stubbed it out. He ran a hand through his gelled hair and carried his luggage sack over his shoulder as he walked off. “So you’re here to surprise your sister?” A dark skinned conductor asked as he handled the redhead’s luggage. 

(Y/n) nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, sir!” She saw him bend over to place her luggage down, but she insisted she just take the case from his hands. He accepted and placed the heavy luggage into her hands. “Been working extra hard to save up some money to come to Avonlea. Speaking of, if you ever need a good place for good ale go to Emilio’s! Just say your a friend of mine and you’ll be treated like a king!” She was bouncing on her feet in excitement. (Emilio’s tavern was welcome to all genders of all races - after all, Emilio himself was a natural born Spaniard that happened to fall in love with Canadian woman and the country itself!) 

The conductor laughed and nodded. Never had he met such a white skinned individual who conversed with him like an equal. It was refreshing. “I wish you and your sister the best of luck, miss (Y/n).”

“Thank you, Maxwell!” She smiled at him and practically sprinted towards the stables to catch a ride. 

The conductor snickered and shook his head at the exuberant girl and hopped back onto the steps of a scarlet train cabin. He waved his hand towards the engine, giving the engineer the signal to depart. 

The train whistled cried and then the scarlet train chugged back to Charlottetown.

“Anne, you have a sister!”

“That’s marvelous!”

“When can we meet her, Anne?” Cole asked with a small smile. 

Anne smiled widely at the small crowd that surrounded her and Diana’s table. 

“An older sister, yes! And she’s amazing! We just recently found each other again due to a mishap with our addresses, but we haven’t stopped talking to each other since!”

“I bet she was actively ignoring you.” Billy snickered from the other side of the schoolhouse. “Tell us about your sister, orphan. Is she just as ugly as you?” His band of boys snickered as well and began to throw in their own two cents.

“Dotted with freckles!”

“Same pumpkin hair.”

“A motormouth know-it-all?” 

At each insult Anne grew more sour, and then anger filled her being. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Hell runs in terror when its a redheaded woman scoured.

“You take all that back, Billy Andrews!” She jumped to her feet and slammed her palms on the desktop. “I may not be the prettiest one here, but my sister is absolutely breathtaking. And you better watch your mouth or she’ll knock you to the ground!”

Diana nodded in all seriousness. But a part of her would happily pay to see (Y/n) put Billy Andrews in his place.  

The blonde boy stood from his desk and squared his shoulders. “Is that a threat, mutt?”

“Let us just say that when she does come to visit, you better watch yourself.” She crossed her arms in defiance. If her dear, older sister can knock out a drunk with one kick, then perhaps it was high time Anne learned how to step up for herself! (Plus the fact, that Anne now had an older sister to hide behind, made her a little more reckless - but she would never admit that.)

Billy scoffed, “Whatever, orphan. Bet she’s as scrawny as you.” He cracked his knuckles as he sat back down in his chair.

The girls couldn’t help but gawk at Anne. As common as it was for the redhead to lose her temper, never before had she seemed so...confident in her argument? Yes, confident sounded like a good word. 

“Sooo, when can we meet her?” Tillie asked. Bringing the conversation bacl to Anne’s current favorite topic.

Anne tapped her chin, “I’m not too sure. Soon hopefully! She’s just been really busy with her job in Charlottetown.”

“Oh? What does she do?” Josie Pye asked. 

“Tailor dresses?”

“A nanny?”

“A waitress?”

“Close,” Anne answered to the last suggestion. “She’s-

“A barmaid!” Ruby squeaked out in sheer embarrassment. Her cheeks pink like her dress and hair ribbon.

All conversations halted in the schoolhouse as all the students stared at Anne with unreadable expressions. Some of the girls’ eyes widened and some of the boy’s cheeks heated up. Even Billy was silent. Guess everyone in Avonlea had the same image of a barmaid as Ruby had...

Anne picked up on the silence and rose a brow, “Yes, and?”

Tagged List: [Open]: angel-in-the-roses 

[neshabeingchildish]

Share a Party

Share-a-Lair 5

So, okay. I’m sick right now. Starting the year out great! With illness and war, apparently. Ugh. Gross. Anyways, I had a couple of options for where I was gonna go and one option was angst and we all know that I can play that really well, and the other option was this. Hopefully, I didn’t make a mistake by not goin’ full angst. That’s the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

@adorkable-blackgirl​ @chenoahchantel​ @kiddangers​ @henryhearts​

Share a Party

Charlotte was a little bit uncomfortable and for most of the drive, she was worried about saying too much, saying too little, saying stuff that made her seem like a pretentious egomaniac, saying stuff that made her seem like a dumbed down conformist… and in her thinking so much about what to say and what not to say, she decided at least on one thing, “I’m sorry that Henry and Jasper did this to you.”

He frowned. “Nothing to be sorry about. You don’t want to be stuck with those nerds, anyway.”

“Nerds.” She said it with no context and no tone. He didn’t know if she was making a declaration, questioning his choice of words or what. “I’m one of these nerds that you speak of,” she added after a long pause.

“Hardly. I mean, you totally are, but one of those people went through a bucket phase and the other is Henry, and I feel like I shouldn’t even have to expound on that, because you’re a smart lady.” She laughed. She was typically very defensive of Henry. She stuck her neck out for him and had his back a lot. Something about him not even just telling her that he didn’t want to hang out with her tonight made laughing at his expense acceptable in the moment.

“Yeah. They’re nerds. But, they’re supposed to be MY nerds. Over the last few years, they just get closer and closer, but damn - I guess I didn’t think that they’d ever just shut me out completely.” She didn’t want to bum him out. He was about to link up with his friends and she probably should have just went back home when she realized that she wasn’t included in plans.

“Don’t think of it as them shutting you out. Think of it as them finally letting you breathe! Maybe you’re so uptight because somebody had to make sure that the two of them didn’t accidentally stupid themselves to death.” She laughed again, a little harder than before, then gasped, suddenly stricken with fear! “They’re NOT gonna stupid themselves to death, Charlotte,” he said. “You deserve a night off. You’re not a single mom and they aren’t children, just idiots, but most people are, especially compared to people like us.”

Sadly, she whimpered, “They’re supposed to be my idiots.”

“I’ll introduce you to new idiots! And my idiots are nice and loyal.” He smiled. She could have Oyster for free… But… He’d likely keep a barrier between her and Gideon. She didn’t deserve that. 

He got out of the car and telekinetically opened her door for her as he met her on the other side, then said, “Oh, and that was my last one of the night. They’re not supposed to know about my powers continuing.”

“Continuing?”

“Relax, Char. We haven’t even had our first date yet. You don’t need to know everything about me right now.”

“Our FIRST date? YET?” She repeated, incredulously. 

“Oh look, she knows how to mimic.” He smiled, so she’d know he was just giving her a hard time, but then he took her hand and led her to this house that looked very much like a movie scene, with people all over the place, outside and in, but nothing extravagant and unbelievable happened right as they approached or right as they entered, so she knew it was real life. Whenever they got in, an old Asian man handed her a bottle of champagne and she tried to give it back, but he was very excitedly greeting Max and cheering about the party, the New Year and his grandson.  After a while, Max said, “This is Charlotte.”

“Max Thunderman, you always find the prettiest girls!” the old man said. 

Max pulled her closer and warned the old man playfully, “Don’t get fresh.” Her face was warm and the heat was flushing through her entire body. They parted ways with the old man, but Max didn’t let go of her. She rationalized, because the room is kinda crowded and we’ve gotta stick together… He introduced her to people just like, “This is Charlotte,” which her brain began to toss around after the 3rd or 4th time - is he saying it like that to avoid telling anybody anything more about me, or have they already heard my name before? Does he just not have a cover for why we would know each other? Or… has he told his friends that I exist? But, she shook her head, why would he tell his friends you exist, Girl? This man wasn’t thinking about you. He just got swindled into distracting you and the hero in him ids trying to do right by that obligation… But, wait… Nobody makes Max do anything that he doesn’t want to… and his hand has pretty much made a little groove in my waist now…

He was right, though. His friends WERE super nice, and… kind of idiots. But, she was relaxing more and more as time went on and eventually, when she seemed comfortable enough, Max let go of her. They were chatting and laughing with his friends and several times the two of them exchanged amused looks, KNOWING that they were the only two people there who noticed something or caught something hilariously ignorant that was said. They weren’t being malicious, just… clearly the smartest people in the bunch. It was kind of like whenever she was with the Man Cave and nobody else caught something but her, but this time, somebody else was there to give a look of acknowledgment. 

At some point, Oyster suggested, “Since all of us are here tonight, we should do a one night only band reunion!” 

Max laughed and shook his head. Charlotte gasped and said, “That would be SO cool!” 

Max stopped laughing and immediately said, “Of course it will! Let’s umm… Let’s do this,” he said to Oyster, who was VERY excited. The boys gathered and started trying to quickly make a plan and Phoebe spotted Charlotte, sitting by herself, not too far away from them. 

“Charlotte!” She called and waved. Charlotte smiled and waved back. Phoebe came over and introduced her best friend, Cherry, and wondered, “What are these goobers doing?” 

“A one night only band reunion,” Charlotte said, giggling. 

“Oyster’s plan?” Phoebe and Cherry both asked. Charlotte nodded. “I’m surprised that he got Max to agree to it,” Phoebe said. “Unlesssss… Charlotte… Did you get Max to agree to this?”

Charlotte shook her head, “All I said is it would be cool…”

“She’s got him,” Cherry and Phoebe said at the same time. 

“Please stop doing that,” Charlotte said, laughing a little uncomfortably. “And also, what do you mean by that?”

“Max has the hots for you!” Cherry said, with an expression on her face like it was obvious. But. Charlotte had literally JUST met this woman. Cherry and Phoebe sat on either side of her to ask her questions and gauge to see if she both liked Max back and if she was even right for him… 

Max looked over, noticed them hounding her and gasped. He grabbed Charlotte's hands and asked, "Hey, would you like to play a song with the guys?" 

"Not reall-" he gave her a push towards the band and she furrowed her eyebrows. 

He turned to Cherry and Phoebe and whispered loudly to them, "Back off! Whatever you're doing, just back off!"

"We're helping you!" Cherry loud whispered back.

"No!" He turned and Charlotte had a guitar. "Hi! Okay. Ummm.. I'll take that." 

"Okay?" She said, handing it to him. "Are you okay, Max?" 

"Haven't played in a while and we weren't great the first time…"

"Yeah, the only good songs were from when he stole Phoebe's diary and turned her pain into lyrics." Max's eyes narrowed at her and Phoebe's eyes widened. 

"That's horrible!" Charlotte said, looking at Max with disdain. "You really WERE a villain."

"Right! He hasn't done anything that foul in a long time. Good Guy Max, now," Phoebe said. Max sighed. They were obviously persistent to make it worse. 

“I was a kid, you know? Surely, there have been times when you’ve done something not that great to somebody you cared about when you were younger?”

Charlotte recalled distracting Jasper so that Piper could pore moth pheromones on him, against his will. Terrible thing to do to someone… So, she nodded and let it go. Max said to Phoebe, “By the way, we only had one hit and that was about Link’s toe, so that’s what we’re going with.”

“Wait…” She said, but the band was taking it to the makeshift stage. Charlotte didn’t know if she was simply the only person not drunk or if this was a Hiddenville staple or something, but this song was downright terrible. She laughed about it and hoped it came across as a laugh of support. But, the guys were good at instruments and Max’s singing voice did things to her. Whenever they were done, he rushed off and she was confused. 

Where the heck did he go? “Max’s Girlfriend! Max’s Girlfriend!” She heard somebody calling and looked around to see who this person who was supposed to be his girlfriend, or if maybe there was a different Max or something. But, when she turned around, Oyster handed her the guitar and wondered, “What songs do you know?”

She accepted the instrument and said, “I’m not Max’s girlfriend. We’re just…” She couldn’t realistically say friends, because she had only known him for a few months and it didn’t even seem that long, to be honest, as they didn’t spend much time around each other. She couldn’t say that they were on a date, because they technically weren’t. But, to say that she drove with a stranger to another town to party on one of the hottest party nights sounded off too, because that didn’t seem like her and she wondered how she had come to make such a decision. “We’re just hanging out tonight,” she said.

“So… You’re available?” Gideon asked, excitedly.

“No,” she said. Technically, she wasn’t. She had school, work, Henry to take care of. She wasn’t as upset as earlier and knew that she wasn’t fed up enough not to.

“That’s gonna make Max sad,” Gideon said, with a frown on his face. She was going to ask more, but Max showed back up, looking refreshed and just… delightfully handsome. He smelled really good too. She figured he must’ve went for a touch up and she appreciated that. 

“So, what songs do you know?” Oyster asked Charlotte again.

She knew a ton of them, but wasn’t exactly in the mood to play, because now she was all confused. Did… Max like her? Like, like her like her? Max noticed her discomfort and told everyone that she wasn’t here to serve as a musician, but to have a good time. That settled it.

“So, Charlotte - how did you and Max meet?” Oyster asked. Even though she said she wasn’t his girlfriend and Oyster hadn’t spent a lot of time around Max lately, he knew that look when he saw it. He and Max used to double date all the time.

“Well, I work with his roommate,” she said. And that settled whether or not he’d mentioned her before. 

“Sorry to hear that. That guy sounds like a tool,” Oyster commented. Max snickered. But, he’d obviously had the time to mention HENRY. 

“He’s my best friend, so, I don’t think so,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. Max remained quiet and the German guy, Wolfgang, was talking. He didn’t seem like he knew English very well, but they could at least understand him. She was having a bit of trouble, but used context clues. Basically, something about how they should all hang out after the party. Max looked at her for an answer. Of course, he wanted to spend more time with his friends. She knew his schedule, sort of. He was always on a mission somewhere. “Um, sure. I can always get a car service if it gets too late.”

“And have them take you all the way to Swellview?” He wondered. “That’d be crazy expensive.”

“Well, my car is actually at your place.”

“Still too much to pay for a car. We don’t have to go,” he said. 

“No, no. Of course we will. It’s fine. Henry won’t be working tomorrow. I don’t have to get to bed at any certain time.” She said it, but it was the complete opposite. More than likely, with Henry partying tonight, she would be his backup for everything tomorrow. And she wasn’t much of a partier anyways. But, it was extremely nice of Max to take her out tonight and she didn’t want to ruin his time or be the reason that he had to cut it short from hanging out with his nice friends (probably for the first time in a while). 

“Hey! It’s almost countdown!” Cherry rushed over, cheering. “Grab your dates!” She and Oyster took each other’s hands lovingly and Charlotte had just realized that she and Max were the only people who weren’t paired up! Well, in this group at least. 

He called, “We gotta go outside for my fireworks presentation!” And grabbed Charlotte by the hand, waving his friends out with the other. She furrowed her eyebrows, but moved quickly so they wouldn’t run her down. He moved them aside, let the others out, then pointed two fingers to start the presentation. “Okay, THAT was the last time,” he said. He wrapped an arm around her waist and directed her to the terrace that his friends were all on. The fireworks began, glowing up number designs among them as everyone counted, “10! 9! 8! 7!...” Charlotte was excited. She’d seen fireworks before and she had rang in the New Year before, but never with a group of people that seemed to genuinely like her, or at least be nice to her all night, and never with a hot guy… Who… well, she wasn’t WITH him, but.. She glanced at him as the other’s around them reached one, screamed Happy New Year! And began their first kisses of the year. Max looked bashfully at the ground and said, “You should look at the fireworks. Worked hard on them.”

She turned back to the exhibit, which had his friends’ names and a little character or icon to represent them, and then, “And Charlotte!” She gasped and looked at him. 

“Had to work quickly once I realized you’d be coming out tonight…” He smiled and she knew that she still had time. She leaned up as far as she could, but he was about a foot taller than her, only slightly less with her boots on, so he leaned down to meet her. He thought that was going to land on his cheek, but it didn’t. She kissed him. On the lips! 

It took him but a brief moment to realize that she had, and once he did, he pulled her closer and kissed her a little harder. Not for long, because the moment that he nibbled on her lip, she seemingly came to her senses and pulled back, with a bashful laugh. “Sor- sorry!” She said, warm in the face. “Guess the spirit of the night jumped into me.”

“I like that. I was hoping that you’d loosen up before the night was over and what’s this? *Gasps!* Casual kisses???” He teased, a glint of joy in his eyes. 

She covered her face with both hands and said, “I don’t normally do stuff like that!”

“Hey.” He pulled her hands away gently and held them, “You don’t have to feel like you’ve gotta explain yourself to me, Charlotte. I’m a great guesser, and I’ve got a feeling that I pretty much know what kind of a person that you are.”

“What kind of person is that?” She asked, with a twist of attitude in her voice.

He just laughed lightly, “The kind that just needs to give herself a break and not have to worry about things so much. Just a few hours and you’ve managed to start your year out carefree.”

She actually had SEVERAL cares right now!

…But, looking at Max, she couldn’t remember what any of them were. She shivered. Jeesh! Why hadn’t she programmed a jacket into this dang outfit? Max noticed and asked, “Can I try something?”

“Ummm…?”

“It won’t hurt,” he said, with a smile. She nodded slowly. Max wrapped himself around her from behind and breathed warmth onto the back of her neck. She shivered again, but in a different way and then, she was warm. She leaned back against him and stayed there for a moment. “Okay, I should just stop saying that it’s my last time using my powers, at this point.”

“You really should!” She laughed. 

“Max! We’re heading to Maddie’s!” Someone called. 

“Right behind you!” He said and let go of Charlotte. “It doesn’t have to be weird, you know? I’d prefer if it isn’t.”

“It isn’t. It wasn’t. It was nice.”

“Good. Still wanna hang out some more?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.” He took her hand and they went to meet up with his friends at another party.

.

High Energy! That was what she felt, on only a few hours of sleep. This new year was already great and she was glad to have let it all out last night and just be for a moment. Whenever she got to the lair, she came in through the tower entrance, but couldn’t find Henry or Jasper. Then again, it was pretty early, so they were probably asleep. She began to make everyone green matcha tea smoothies, get the control panel up and running and get started on some assignments in the lab, for the new year. She peeked into Henry’s bedroom. He wasn’t there. She called his phone. No answer. No worries. He probably just spent the night at Jasper’s and they’re asleep… But… Why spend the night at Jasper’s? This place was MUCH better and closer to their party last night. 

Not that she was worried, but she figured that she might just go check out the party site. Hopefully, nobody got arrested… or worse. She drove out there and saw the party boat out in the middle of the water. What was it still doing there?  She looked at the lake, And when did it get cold enough for the lake to freeze? She wondered. She tried to call Jasper and some girl answered his phone, “Hello?”

“Hi! This is Jasper’s friend. The person who this phone is for. Is he around?”

“Oh… No. He’s probably either still on the boat or they had to send out for help.”

“What.”

“Party boat got hit with a HUGE prank. I took the phone and after telling somebody where the dude is, I drop it off at the Pear store.”

“A prank?” Charlotte repeated, recalling Max’s friends talking about the elaborate pranks he pulled in school. 

“Hilarious. These two dudes got left behind and somebody froze the water.” She laughed. “Well, Happy New Year. I’m going to the Pear store, Bye!”

Charlotte couldn’t help but to laugh too. But, the water was still frozen. They couldn’t move the boat. She called Max.

“It is before 9,” was how he answered the phone.

“It is. But, I’m looking at this abandoned boat on a frozen lake and have the sneaky suspicion that my friends are trapped on it and also that you can untrap them.”

“Ugh. Call Phoebe. I’m off today and she cares about rescuing idiots,” he grunted. 

“Max…” 

“Char…” He mocked. “Seriously. I’m not getting out of bed. They aren’t gonna die.”

She sighed, “This is very, very unprofessional and not heroic.”

“Maybe. But, don’t lie and say you didn’t find it funny.”

“When did you even find the time to do this???” She wondered.

“Who says I did this?” She could hear a sly smile in his voice. He wasn’t going to reveal his secrets. “Hope it works out for them.”

“You don’t care, do you?”

“No, not really.” He laughed and hung up. She laughed too. Might as well call Ray and Schwoz to get these dudes off the boat with the Man Copter.

[musicnoots]

Home Alone

Lewis Nixon/Reader

Synopsis: Leaving your husband home alone with your five year old niece was a recipe for disaster.

Tags: @gottapenny @dustyjjumpwings @higgles123 @croatianbagudna @wexhappyxfew @bandofmarvels @medievalfangirl @those-dusty-jump-wings @curraheev @junojelli

You had doubts leaving Lewis home alone with your niece. She had originally come over for you to babysit while her parents were out on a date, but when an emergency work meeting came about, you were faced with leaving your husband and your niece home alone.

When you kissed your husband and little Emily goodbye, you almost didn’t want to leave. You had a gut feeling that something was going to go wrong—you knew Lewis better than he knew himself, and you damn well knew that he was near incapable of caring for a child by himself. He had taken care of Emily before, but that was when he had you around. This time, he has nothing but

As you walked up the driveway of the house, you saw Dick’s car parked along the curb, and you felt a wave of relief wash over you. You knew Lewis couldn’t handle taking care of a literal child on his own, so he probably called Dick over for backup, and you certainly weren’t worried for your niece at all. It was your husband that you were worried about.

It wasn’t that Lewis was completely nonfunctional without you—he was—but he’s never been the one to make smart choices, for even think about his choices until you arrived home. The one time he thought it was a great idea to bake you a batch of cookies when has, in fact, never baked anything in his entire life and you walked into a kitchen full of smoke. Or when he decided to eat nothing but pretzels and chocolate pudding for the entire day and woke up the next day sick as a dog.

When you opened the front door, you walked into a silent home. Everything looked the same as it did before you left for work earlier that day—dishes were intact and arranged, dining table wasn’t on fire, the living room wasn’t ripped to shreds. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

That was, until you walked into the backyard.

You had walked into a literal battlefield—flower pots were tipped over, the dog was running around with sunglasses on, Dick was sitting on a chair with flowers and a tiara on his head, and your husband was playing stick fighting with your niece with green and black paint smeared on her rosy cheeks.

“Emmy! Look who’s home!” Lewis exclaimed once he saw you standing in the patio door with the most confused look on your face. He must have noticed that, too, because he started laughing as soon as your niece took off running towards you.

“Auntie Y/N!” she exclaimed, hugging your legs but you were too deep in shock to actually comprehend what had happened in front of you. “Look what Uncle Lewis and I did to your backyard!”

“Oh, I see what you two did…” You looked around and saw an absolute mess of your backyard, that and a broken Dick Winters sitting with a blank expression on his face. Lewis walked over and kissed your temple, and all you could do was smile and fight the urge to yank him by the collar of his shirt and have a talk with him. “It looks wonderful, Emmy, and what’s that on your face?”

“War paint!” she exclaimed. “Uncle Dick came, too! We made him a princess!”

You laughed and took ahold of Lewis’ hand, squeezing it tightly to make it clear that you definitely weren’t pleased with what you saw. “Uncle Dick? It looks like you really like Uncle Dick, huh?”

“Yeah! He told me stories of him, Uncle Lewis, and you during the war! Right, Uncle Dick?” Emily turned around to look at Dick who gave a meek smile and small nod, but you could see that he was both exhausted and defeated all while looking like the prettiest princess in New Jersey.

“Well, why don’t you get cleaned up? Uncle Dick will help you,” you said, shooing her off into the house with Dick, leaving you alone with your husband whom you had burning eyes for, and not for the reasons he thought they were for.

He’s seen that look numerous times before—every single time he’s been left home alone. He knows you’re annoyed and angry and confused and everything in between, but he just gives you a sweet smile and a kiss on your forehead. “So, how was the meeting?”

At first, you didn’t say anything, waiting for Lewis to stop avoiding the current situation and come clean to you.

“I take that it was boring? See—“ he placed a hand on your shoulder, “I told you that working at Nixon Nitration Works would have been a better option. At least we don’t have boring emergency meetings.”

“Lewis,” you sighed, eyes closed and exhaling all of your angry out of your body, “what did you do with our niece?”

“What do you mean? She had the time of her life!”

“You trashed out backyard!”

“Emmy just tipped over a couple of the flower pots, but that was it!” Lewis took your hands and held them right in front of you—a technique he learned that seemed to calm you down fast. “I get that you’re angry, but look on the bright side—Dick is dressed as a princess.”

You stifled a laugh at that. “I meant to ask about that—why and how did you get Dick to be a princess?”

“Okay, well, I invited him over because I assumed that he knew what to do with a five year old because he’s better than me at everything, anyways—he started telling Emmy about the story of when you and I kissed at Aldbourne in the bar. Remember that? The one where I told you that you looked like the prettiest princess in England?”

You remember that moment very well—Aldbourne, 1944. On a weekend pass, Lewis dragged you over to the bar, got drunk as a skunk, told you over and over about how ‘those English princesses got nothing on you’, and kissed you in front of the entire company. It was very memorable, bound to put a smile on your lips every time you thought about it, but when it came to why Dick was dressed as a princess—

“That’s why Dick is dressed as a princess?” You asked, clearly not amused by Lewis’ explanation of things. You expected something childish and dumb, not from a nice memory in your relationship. “Really?”

“Well, yeah. Then, he wanted to play some kind of princess-war hybrid game because I called you a princess, and she wanted to make you the princess, but you obviously weren’t there, so she made Dick the princess. Dressed him up in a tiara and flowers and all.”

“With sticks? Where did you even get the sticks? Couldn’t you have given her something else?”

“Well, at first she wanted a knife, and I as hell wasn’t gonna give her a knife, so I handed her a stick.”

“Lew, I—“ You couldn’t even finish your sentence, because you were so overwhelmed with the phrase Oh my God in your head over and over again. Out of all the times you have left your husband home alone, this is by far the worst.

And Lewis? He was used to seeing you like this—unamused but proud at the same time. It sparked a little bit of happiness in the bottom of his stomach even though he did everything wrong, but he knows that you still love him.

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, resting head against yours as you tried to find the time to just comprehend and breathe. “We owe Dick so much after this,” he said and you nodded in agreement.

The poor man—you’d never seen the Major so defeated before, and it was by a five year old who dressed him up as a princess! Little Emily had scarred the man for life that you weren’t sure if he would ever forgive you and Lewis for doing this to him.

“Uncle Dick!” Emily exclaimed as she emerged from the house, face clean of the so-called war paint, and running back out into the backyard. “Let’s chase the dog together! C’mon!”

Dick just sighed, gave you and Lew look of disapproval, and ran after Emily, flowers and tiara still in his hair from earlier.

“Yeah, we do owe him,” you told Lewis as you wrapped an arm around his waist, “Dinner in town tonight?”

“Good idea. I’ll pay.”

[katieelizabeth]

What would you call your body type? Definitely curvy

Are you a morning person? Yes and no. I’m taking sleep meds for nausea so right now waking up is kinda hard. 

Have you ever been to Target? Loveeeeee Target

Do you like iced tea? Iced tea is always my jam

When is the next time you’ll be at work? Hmm it’s kinda up in the air right now. I’m itching to get back tho.

Do you have a savings account? Yes. one for myself, one with my boyfriend

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Only once.

What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? Currently grey

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Yes, I wanna say total like 6 times.

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? It absolutely does.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? My boyfriend thinks I'm a terrible wrapper hahah

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.

What would you say is your favorite television show? If I had to narrow it down, probably Skins. 

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? Yes and no. I don’t care for holiday dinners with my family but I love holiday dinners with my boyfriends family. 

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? I’m not married or engaged but I do wear a small silver band on my ring finger.

What is one thing you desire as of now? To be able to just go and sit down in a restaurant. This virus has everyone living in fear and I'm tired of it and want to live normally and enjoy my pregnancy

What kind of phone do you have? An iPhone XR.

If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? Canada or London

Do you blog a lot, if at all? No not really. I used to when Xanga was big.

Is your present hair color, natural? Nope.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? My boyfriend thinks that anytime my opinion is different than his, then I'm trying to argue with him. It’s so fucking frustrating. 

Describe your current outfit? Anaheim Ducks shirt and matching pj pants hahah

What was the last thing you ordered online? Some toothbrushes lol

Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Ive had two best friends in my life completely shut me out before. It sucks.

What color are your eyes? Poop brown

Have you ever worn color contacts? I have but I could never wear them because of the astigmatisms in both my eyes. Lasik was the best decision of my life

What’s the best thing about a hug? Right now I miss everything about hugs

Biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life....

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? Just celebrated three years

Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yes.

Do you buy your friends gifts? I try to when I can 

What was the last thing you plugged in? My phone to the charger.

How old are you? 29

What color headphones do you own? They’re black.

Have you ever shopped on Urban Outfitters? No, just a reminder than I'm fat

Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? Amazon, Goodwill

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Necklaces

Do you consider yourself fortunate? Very

Do you enjoy watching fights? Nooo.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? No way

Do you tend to talk badly about people? I try not to but everyone is guilty of that

Where are your parents as of now? Watching tv in the tv room

Does your computer cooperate most of the time? I literally just bought it so yes haha

Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Kind of

When did you last go to a book store? Gosh it’s been a while!

What’s the closest book store where you live? Barnes & Noble.  

How much money do you have on you right now? On hand, $20.

Favorite personal feature? my hair and my lips

Are you wearing make up at the moment? Nope.

Favorite television channel? Bravo, E!, ID, HBO

Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? 6 tattoos no piercings

Have you ever been fired from a job? INope

Are you currently losing a best friend? No.

Describe the worst day of your life: I’m good.

Do you play any video games? Not at the moment

Would you say you hate anyone? I feel hatred towards racists, homophobics, ect.

Do you think freckles are cute? Very cute!

Last time you went to the mall? Gosh its been a really long time

Name something that’s your favorite color: anything teal

Have you been to Red Lobster before? Yesssss. I want seafood

Do you judge by appearances? Anyone who tells you they don't to some degree is a fucking liar.

Do you follow a certain religion? No thank you

Who is your role model, if you had to choose? Im not really sure

Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair.

What are you most self conscious about? Pretty much my whole body

Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yeah.

Do you consider yourself short? Nope, I'm average height for a girl

What room are you in? Mine.

Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.

Are you outside a lot? No not really. The sun doesn’t like my skin haha

Have you ever been dumped via text message? Nope

Do you like dreamcatchers? Not really

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.

Do you hate repetitive people and things? Depends on the situation

Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? BOTH

Do you believe in any particular curses? No.

Ever play a Ouija board? Nope, my mom wouldn't let me growing up

What movie scares you the most? The Exorcist. I can watch the movie now no problem but it FUCKED up my childhood.

What was your bedtime as a child? 9. I remember watching Happy Days from 8-9

Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: Who doesn't love Christmastime?

Do you work with any close friends? I work with my baby daddy

Do you consider yourself spoiled? I would say in some way I'm probably spoiled

Do you listen to any country music? yes

Favorite high school teacher: I don’t specifically remember any high school teachers I liked. Probably my French teacher. He was super cool!

Do you ever get drunk? Of course. Can’t drink yet tho until after baby

Have you ever had highlights before? Nope

Favorite number: 7,10

Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? Not anymore. I used to for a a long time 

 What is your biggest regret in life? Eh I've got a few

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? Depression/anxiety. Ive taken meds for it 

Are you normally an independent person? I like to think myself as independent but my boyfriend sure takes care of me. I dunno what id do without him

Do you have any paintings? a few

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? anything from the early 2000s haha

Do you like to be organized? Do I like it? Yes. Am I organized? NO

Have you ever failed a class before? oh yes

Ever been judged because of your weight? All the time. Not so much as an adult tho

What is your favorite breakfast cereal? The sugary bad ones, ha.

Ever had a wish come true? Nope

Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No way

Do you own any coloring books? Yes haha those adult ones

What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? I can’t think of anything specific. Probably fat

Have you ever bullied someone? I likely have, unfortunately :(

Do you ever watch Lifetime? Only for the reality shows

Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? God no

Do you own any brown clothing? Hmmm I don’t think so

What color are your walls painted? White.

Last thing you drank: I’m drinking decaf coffee 

Have you ever seen a tornado in person? Noooo.

Do you have an inground pool at your house? Nope

What is the first digit of your phone number?  9

What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? Anywhere in England

Do you tend to sleep a lot? yes and no. I’m taking sleeping meds but it’s hard for me to fall asleep

Silver or gold jewelry? Silver

Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? Not usually. My boyfriends family Is out of state tho

Have you ever been in love? Yes.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? My unborn child

When was the last time you showered? Last night

Would you consider yourself attractive? Sometimes yes

Has anyone made you mad today? Nope

Favorite smell: Vanilla

Are you afraid of insects? I wouldn't say afraid

Do you have any children? I’ve got one cookin in the oven haha

If so, what are their names? I’ll tell you when I know the gender

Would ever consider having children in the future? MORE children? Lets see how traumatized this first one is haha

Have you ever lived on a farm? No.

Ever played any sports? Oh yes, played soccer till I was 18 

Do both of your parents have jobs? They're both retired from jobs they were at for 40+ years

Where is the best place you’ve been on vacation to? Its a tie between South Africa, London and Colorado

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Not anymore. Being an adult means getting over that haha

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? I try to be

Did you make prank phone calls as a child? oh yes!

Do you like to make donations? Yeah.

What is your current ringtone? Just the standard apple ringtone

Meet anyone from your past lately? No.

Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.

Have you ever caught something on fire? Not that I can think of

Ever been obsessed with a show? Ive been obsessed with many shows

What type of perfume or cologne do you use? English Laundry Signature

What’s the last book you read? The book that Ted Bundys girlfriend wrote

Dream career: Zooologist

Have you ever climbed a mountain before? Yes, in Colorado

At what age do you plan to get married? Not sure, we aren't in a rush to marry

Ever been in a car accident? Yes, three

[ellaintrigue]

Trigger Warning

This fall was like summer, an Indian summer if you will, chilly at night, warm during the day. I squeezed in more time in my dry-rotted kiddy pool and drank some more beers. I limit beer to holidays and summer because they are gross and fattening. One day I got off work a bit early and went to the nearby small town grocery store, grabbing some nibbles in the truck. Once bought to work in, my truck is now more of a toy and is listed like-so on my insurance plan. In 1998 my dad’s work helper had a candy striped Chevy Silverado and I wanted a square-body like that ever since. No joke, I have loved vehicles since I was around 4 years old. I had Barbie Dolls, pet toads, pet snails, and a ton of little toy cars. My grandmother spoiled me rotten by buying me a toy every Sunday, either a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car. I still have both, the dolls are put away now but little cars still litter my room on shelves.

Driving my truck home from the store that last truly warm day of the year felt good, the sound of the engine and little vibrations like old trucks do. One speaker is fucked up, both rusted and water damaged from the former windshield leak and having had no window. But most music comes in clear and as I scanned the radio, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles came on... “Strawberries..” he sighed. I mostly listen to country music but we’re stuck in a generation of boxes: listening to country isn’t cool, and listening to pop music IS SO ICKY, OMG BOYBANDS? LOL SO LAME. Everyone is stuck on “obscure” hipster shit to sound cool, but hey fam, I like what I like.

I stuck a hand out the window zipping down 113 and hummed along with the song, my hair whipping slightly. If you ever want to be free, get in an old car and feel its power. Mine may be a rusting piece of shit but they don’t make them like they used to. Cars will always be my first love... I am not sure about men anymore.

When I got home I did two hours of chores, grabbed a beer and lay down in the pool for one last time this year... and played “Watermelon Sugar” again, then Ray LaMontagne’s “For The Summer” which was a favorite of mine... a decade ago? I caught a nice buzz and lay down in bed later on feeling nice and clean although my pool doesn’t have the prettiest water. More “Watermelon Sugar” and then S messaged me. I never hear from him, never met him, but it’s good to know they’re still out there... people that care enough to say hi and make me feel smile for a moment. A limber, attractive Irishman with big chocolate eyes.

Some nights my memories slide back to little moments like my hand caressing the shoulder of a plain worn work shirt and resting my face against my ex’s neck after a long day. But I don’t get that anymore, times have changed. There’s no ex, there’s no S, just scrambled fantasies in my head. Only one man has my phone number. Four people have my phone number: him, mom, dad, and my cousin. I can’t really text.

In 2016 I met Dothan and gave him my phone number so we could talk while we were at work. I had one of those little flat-faced pre-paid phones that was so small that I could almost fully enclose it in my fist. I don’t know what on earth they’re called, but they were like a flip phone without the flip part, lol. Anyway, I was so invested in him that I bought my first smartphone that summer so I didn’t have to pay per text (I’m old damnit, leave me alone) and didn’t have to tap tap tap to get to each letter. Well, he didn’t work out of course but I used the phone to talk to some other men until I met Jeff.

Then I cut my fingertip off. This was one of the stupidest things that have ever happened to me, and just like in my previous blog where people will say I wasn’t assaulted, people will say it never happened. In 2010 when I was stupid and binge drank I gave myself alcohol poisoning and my boyfriend at the time said I was making it up. I guess people live in a perpetual state of distrust... but anywho, I have hypoglycemia, another thing that never happens according to my parents, because I haven’t gotten diagnosed. Which is fair, no one believed me about having PTSD until I got professionally diagnosed either. Sorry, I ramble off the topic. I have so much in my head...

Ever since I was about 14 I started getting weak, dizzy, and light-headed if I delayed meals. After 6 hours without food I start to feel disoriented, faint, and slur my words. So I have to drink some juice or eat something sugary then get to some real food or I’ll just shut down and start to pass out. It’s pretty serious, when I was 20 it hit me while driving and I couldn’t feel my gas or brake pedal and nearly crashed at full speed into a guardrail at the end of a rural intersection. I managed to wake up enough to find my brake so I was incredibly lucky because I could have been killed. This is the first time I’ve ever talked about it, the only person I told was that boyfriend from back then, the original Irish prick. And he was kind and comforted me, letting me know that sometimes shit happens when we are off guard. Since then I’ve always tried to make sure I wasn’t compromised while driving because driving with low blood sugar is just as bad as driving drunk. (And yes, I have been checked for diabetes.)

In 2017 I got distracted and forgot to eat so I started shaking and having trouble walking. I went into the kitchen and got out some vacuum sealed fish out of the freezer to fry up for lunch. The way they were packaged was hard to open so I had to use a knife, one of my cheap plastic handled serrated ones. I like them because they are really sharp for junk knives.

Really sharp. So I held the fish with my left hand and quickly slid the knife between the fish and the plastic. And took the very tip of my left index finger off. I didn’t realize what I had done until blood started pouring everywhere and I started screaming like a stuck pig. I’m not really a screamer but that day I was. I wrapped it in a towel and called my mom like the big pussy I am. “MOM I CUT MY FINGERTIP OFF.” She asked me some things and soothed me then I got off the phone and looked at it. The fingertip, mind you, not a large amount of it, but just the very tip, was hanging off by a thin piece of skin and flesh. There wasn’t anything to stitch, just a fleshy hole and the flesh of my fingertip dangling. There was only one thing I could think to do.

I reached into the drawer and picked up one of those big heavy cartoonish looking pairs of kitchen shears and cut my fingertip the rest of the way off. And I could feel it and hear this noise as it snipped through the little piece of flesh holding it on. I screamed some more, grabbed some peroxide and squirted it on the end of my finger which intensified my howling. I screamed for about 25 minutes total. And you know, I’ve had people that have told me it’s nothing, there are plenty of people with their whole fingertip missing or whole fingers. But in a group I’m in they say it’s not worth comparing traumas. Cutting your whole finger off is obviously way worse, but that day was absolutely awful for me. I went to work the next day and showed my boss and she stepped back in shock and almost threw up into her hand.

I wasn’t able to text using the finger after that and by 2018 I ended up with lack of sensation in all of my fingertips due to damage caused by Ciprofloxacin, which I was on for years, also causing tendon damage. So I stopped texting people after my last ex left me. I can’t feel the screen so I jumble my words and my finger hurts. I can literally still feel it even when not touching anything. My fingerprint is missing under where my nail starts and the bone is closer to the skin now. So I don’t give out my number, I just use FaceBook messenger.

This morning I stepped out into the remaining light snow from yesterday and watched the sun rise, my shoulders hunched in my fuzzy white jacket. My New Dawn rose is still trying to bloom despite being frozen, as it does every year. Man, I wish I was tough like that.

Wishing user “HereForTheHarold” a happy New Year’s, you’ve been following me for a long time and I appreciate that. I know you’re a big Harry Styles fan.

[tatooine92]

Homeward, ch. 7 (POTC OC)

Synopsis: Eleven years ago, Adonia Barbossa was abandoned as a child by her father for no discernible reason. Now a pirate captain in her own right, she seeks him to finally demand answers.

Rating: T for language and any various and sundry innuendoes.

A/N: Y’all, I’m really sorry. Stuff at work completely stole my will to write. This may not be a very good chapter, but I wrote it, and that makes me happy. :)

Shoutouts: @soulventure91, @and-will-nice-hat, @queen-scribbles

Present.

"I've seen worse, capitaine, don't worry so much," Jim said with an unconvincing calmness.  

Adonia looked over her shoulder and shot him a glare from where she stood by the tiny window in her equally tiny quarters, cradling her healing arm in its sling. Beckett's ship, the Endeavour, had towed the Dainty Lass from Cuba back to Port Royal, and now Adonia and her crew were being housed ashore while the Lass was repaired—all an elaborate ruse to give her the illusion of freedom while ensuring she didn't run for it. Might as well have thrown them all in prison. At least this way, even if there were guards outside the door, Jim or anyone else from the Lass could come see their captain.

"Aye, you have," she grumbled, "but for us, here, now, in this situation, it is bad. I'll not apologize for worryin'."

She could see the bay from her window, but not the Lass. She had no idea if Beckett had ordered her scrapped just for good measure, or perhaps repainted in Company colors. All she could see were the distant, teal waves of the sea, taunting her. That was all she had seen as they returned. She hadn't seen Port Royal in three years, but now it seemed grim, as if the life of a bustling colony town had been squeezed out of it like water from a rag. Even with the sun above, it all seemed gray. Instead of a garrison of Royal Navy forces, now it was the hub of the Company's operations here. She loved money as much as the next pirate, but, God, it seemed such a burdensome force when it dictated people's lives like this.  

"We are alive," Jim pressed. "We may not like how that bargain was struck, but I tell you even Thom is grateful to live."

"Aye, for now. And what happens when we're forced to fire upon our own kind?"

What happens if my father sees me flying their colors?

Jim didn't have an answer for her, but Adonia knew he was mulling it over, so she didn't press him. He drummed his fingers on his thigh as he sat across the room from her, and she leaned against the window, trying to get a better angle to see if she could see the Lass. Still no.

"Dammit," she sighed.

This waiting game was like to drive her mad. Maybe that was what Beckett was counting on! She already knew she was a hostage, but one plied with a bed and hot meals. Maybe Beckett hoped to steal her crew from her with offers of higher wages, softer beds, prettier whores. But she knew her men. They'd not leave her for a shilling. For the finest rum and the absolute prettiest whore in Tortuga, maybe, but not for a shilling.  

There was a soft knock on the door. Adonia turned, brow arching in surprise when the door didn't immediately open. Jim gave her a furrowed-brow look of uncertainty and got up to answer the door on her behalf. He cracked open the door with a gruff, wary "Qui est-ce?"

"It's Jim, isn't it?" Adonia recognized Lieutenant Groves' voice. "May I see your captain, Jim? Is she within?"

"Let him in," Adonia told Jim. "I don't think this one's come to assassinate me."

"Is that a common concern?" Groves asked as Jim stepped aside and allowed him through.

"I'm not really sure," she replied. "I've never been a hostage before."

Jim snorted a laugh and returned to his chair, fetching his journal and pencil, the two personal items he had, and opening to a blank page. The soft skritch sounds of his work seemed to echo like a clock ticking as Groves awkwardly cleared his throat.  

"I'm sorry this is going so badly for you, Captain Barbossa," he said.  

"At least for right now there's not a gallows with my name on it."

"A gallows...?"

Without a word, Adonia opened the window and gestured Groves to lean close. Over the squawking gulls and the rush of the sea, they could hear the unmistakable dull thud of a gallows trapdoor opening, followed by the inevitable gurgling and choking as the rope tightened. The gruesome noises echoed from the nearby fort courtyard, and Groves paled.

"I—I didn't realize..."

"That Lord Beckett put me in this chamber on purpose?"

"...that he was continuing the hangings. I thought... once he began coaxing the Brethren out of hiding..."

"Allow me a moment of unrepentant cynicism, lieutenant. Folk like Beckett, they get drunk on cruelty rather than rum. I'd not be a bit surprised if he's kept it up just for his amusement."

"...I suppose I knew that," Groves sighed as he shifted back from the window. "It's just that all of this—Beckett's takeover, the hangings, the whole lot—happened so quickly. Speaking for myself, I've barely had time to contemplate the man in whose service I now find myself."

"Find yourself?" Adonia asked, pulling the window closed. Groves nodded.

"Yes. When Lord Beckett arrived in Port Royal, he came with either the king's authority or his ignorance—"

"Aye, well, depending on the day, they're much the same thing."

"Indeed." Groves let out a derisive snort that, just for a moment, showed Adonia how frustrated he was in that blue and gold coat. "But he arrived in Port Royal, and some of us found ourselves suddenly working out our commissions in much different ways than we had expected. I knew we were in for a difficult run when he arrested both the governor and his daughter, but..."

His gaze skipped to the window. An unconscious shudder rippled through his frame. Adonia's brows furrowed. He doesn't want to be here, either.  

"...we rounded up women and children, too," Groves murmured. His gaze was distant, and now his body had half-turned away from Adonia. She tensed with unease. Why confess to her? "Literally any soul who could even remotely be accused of associating with pirates. We didn't even interrogate them. We just—"

He stopped himself as if seeming to remember where he was. Jim's sketching had stopped. The only sound in the room was the soft, incessant ticking of a timepiece by the bed. Adonia looked down and picked at a loose thread on her coat cuff. Groves cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Forgive me," he said. "I did not mean to—that is, I came only to ensure your welfare."

"Well, we're faring," Adonia replied.  

"Then I should leave you be. Certainly, if I hear news of your ship's progress, I'll return with it."

Groves dipped his head in farewell as he turned to go. Adonia glanced out the window at the distant sea and sighed.

"How long were ye looking for me, lieutenant?"

She heard Groves swallow uncomfortably.

"Lord Beckett has sought out every possible pirate or pirate-associated person since his arrival some months ago," he replied. "It's almost a miracle you evaded him this long."

"Not a miracle—cleverness. But, again, how long were ye looking for me, specifically?"

"...ah. After your, er, mercantile scam, there was an open warrant for your arrest, though I'm sure you were aware of that."

"To be expected, aye."

"And Lord Beckett did, of course, have plans to capture you. But then just recently he found a new ally in the pirate lord of Singapore, Sao Feng, who gave up the identity of your father as another pirate lord. So, he's kept you in his sights for this specific reason for less than a month. Not long at all.

"I am sorry, though," he continued, his gaze dropping. "It was unfair to use your father against you. To trap you with the hope of meeting him again... I can only imagine how you felt."

"Can ye?" Adonia asked, turning fully toward him. Across the room, Jim muttered "Eh, merde." Adonia's hands dropped to her side in clenched fists. "To be manipulated, played, into the hands of a bastard like Beckett, when all I wanted was to demand answers of why the man what called himself my father abandoned me?"  

"Abandoned you?" Groves asked. "I thought—"

"That we'd have a happy reunion? Nay. My father, such as he is, dumped me on an empty dock when I was a bitty six years old with nary a reason nor explanation, save that I no longer had a place on his ship. So for eleven years I've been on me own, strugglin' to survive—because that's what I do, lieutenant, I survive—while he's been off gallivanting and God knows what else, freed of the burden of a child he claimed to love. And I'd intended to ask him why."

Silence hung in the air between them. Flushed with fury, Adonia realized how much tension she held in her frame, and she tried to relax her fists, to no avail. She folded her arms tightly and sighed, trying to follow the sigh with a deep breath. The look of surprise and—dare she say—sympathy on Groves' face made her squirm uncomfortably. I don't want your pity. I want my revenge.

"I'm so sorry, captain," he murmured. "I had no idea. I would not wish such a childhood upon anyone, though I can't help but wonder if—"

"If what?" Her eyes narrowed uneasily. Groves tilted his head slightly, as if gauging her response.

"I... assumed you'd heard of what befell your father."

Adonia said nothing, cocking her head and furrowing her brows. What the hell was he on about? She'd heard nothing of her father in eleven years—nothing of any detail, anyway. There were the usual stories of the Black Pearl seen pillaging and plundering, and aye, she'd noticed a fair number of uneasy glances and whispers at the sound of her last name, but...

"Ye'd best speak quick, lieutenant," she said, "and tell me what ye mean."

"About three years ago, my former commander pursued a ship of cursed pirates across the seas—vengeful and cruel, unable to die. The ship was the Black Pearl, and I remember distinctly that your father was her captain, though I did not have the privilege of making his acquaintance. I was not privy to all the details, but Commodore Norrington was able to defeat the pirates only when their curse was broken and your father killed."

The world seemed to abruptly clench around Adonia, squeezing her head at the temples and knocking the breath from her chest. She sagged into the windowsill, her nails digging into the wood. The rumor was true? Anger burned in her chest, and vengeful tears stung her eyes as she looked up at Groves. It wasn't until she felt Jim's hands on her shoulders that she realized she was visibly shaking and hadn't breathed. She gasped raggedly.  

"Dead?" It's all a lie, I'm being lured to my death for a lie, Papa's not a pirate lord, he's not even alive, he's been dead three years and I never even knew...

"Yes, he was. Was!" Groves quickly crossed back to her and crouched beside her, a hand on the windowsill as he looked up at her with soft, apologetic eyes. "I'm so sorry, captain, I didn't finish—Feng testified that your father had come to see him in Singapore, and that is how Feng knew of the Brethren's gathering. I have no idea how he could be dead and then return, but—"

"What is the testimony of a pirate worth to you?" Adonia choked. "Maybe Sao Feng lied! Maybe you've all lied to me and I should kill ye where ye stand."

"...I would appreciate it if you did not, but I would understand if you did," Groves murmured. Adonia stopped cold at that. No, no, she'd not kill a man who had nothing to do with it. A man like this, who looked at her with such gentleness and blushed when they spoke, was a man trapped by orders when his nature was far better than this. She sucked in another shaky breath.

"I'll save my shot for Beckett," she sighed, "if I ever get the chance. So is my father alive or not?"

"A pirate would lie about many things, I'm sure," Groves replied, "but Sao Feng was too eager to save himself. Besides, Beckett's man Mercer corroborated Feng's story and saw your father as well. I'm so sorry, captain. I should have opened with that."

"Aye, that's true." She realized suddenly that her grip had shifted from the windowsill to his shoulder. She swallowed hard and pulled her hand away. "So I am well and truly bait."

"...yes. I'm sorry."

"If ye keep bein' sorry about this, then ye'll not have sorry left for the big mistakes," Adonia snorted. She took one last deep breath to steady herself. Think, Addie, use your brain. You're clever and quick. Best begin to act it. "I understand a man followin' orders. It's not ye I despise.

"Besides," she continued, mustering a smile, "how could I be cruel to me very best customer?"

Groves flushed the color of Adonia's hair and got to his feet, stammering. It's just shirts, she wanted to say to him, but instead she smirked silently and let him fret. It was amusing, in its way, though she couldn't figure why she'd send him into a tizzy like that. Jim chuckled, low in his throat, beside her.

"Well, I—I believe I've overstayed my welcome, as I'd only come to ensure your welfare—" Groves muttered, turning quickly for the door.

"Don't be a stranger!" Adonia called. "I may have more shirts for ye next time!"

The last thing Groves heard as he closed the door was her bright, trilling laugh. Adonia waited for his footsteps to fade down the hall before she looked up at Jim.

"What do ye make of all that, then?"

"Don't think you should've told him about your childhood," Jim mused. "Might come back to find it used against you. But then, maybe not by that boy. Seems to admire you."

"He'd better not," Adonia said. "Admiring a pirate will get him killed."

I hope he doesn't come back. He's too decent to lose his life for talkin' to the likes of me.

"Might be worth checkin' into, this thing about a curse," Jim added. "Might explain a few things."

"Aye, it might at that." I asked you if the treasure was sick, Papa. Why did you lie? "So we continue as planned. We sail so politely and do as told, and when we find my father..."

She trailed off, but Jim nodded in understanding and agreement. Adonia picked herself up and neatened her coat, looking out the window. One day I'll have the truth.

[notgoingtohappen]

Revenge, Interrupted (Part 11)

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

A/N: Sorry this was so late.

Caroline checked out of her hotel and met up with Elena and Bonnie in the lobby. They grinned excitedly at each other, knowing this was it: the beginning of next chapter of their lives, and Caroline was ready. She had an apartment, a job, her best friends and a boyfriend.

Well, fake boyfriend, but her life was on track nonetheless.

“So, where to first?” Bonnie asked.

“I need new clothes!” Elena said.

“Hello, we just moved here. We need to buy groceries and practical stuff, like, I don’t know, lamps.” Caroline added.

They agreed and a short subway ride later they were at the mall and shopping to their heart’s content. 

Elena ducked into the nearest clothes boutique, promising to be back in twenty minutes tops, while Bonnie helped Caroline pick out the prettiest decorative items from a home décor shop.

After plenty of easy conversation—it really felt like they’d been together the last four years and she was so grateful for that because she wouldn’t know what to do without Elena and Bonnie in her life—Caroline broached the subject she thought was the reason Bonnie looked troubled.

“How’s the job search going?”

Bonnie bit her lip as she surveyed a white and golden vase. “Okay. I had that interview at a preschool today and I think the dean liked me.”

“You’re amazing, of course she did!” Caroline couldn’t help but voice some of her innate optimism. She hated seeing Bonnie stressed.

“If it doesn’t work out, I can always go work for Grams in her psychic shop.” She muttered as they headed to the checkout counter. 

“Let’s be logical. There has to be at least one school in this entire city that will hire you. And you have a good resume.”

Bonnie cheered up a little. “Yeah!”

“Okay, now let’s find Elena. I need food.”

“Don’t we also need plates and cutlery and all?”

Caroline grinned. “Oh my god, this is so exciting. It’s like when I played house with my dolls as a kid, but this time it’s real!”

“I remember your dollhouse. It was so organised and elaborate, I don’t know if it was impressive or terrifying”

Caroline whacked her arm playfully. “It was the best dollhouse in town.”

“So impressive and terrifying I guess.”

Caroline opened her mouth to inform Bonnie of the fact that everyone in their class had been jealous of what Caroline had done with her toys and it was a remarkable feat for a pre-schooler, when Elena walked up to them with three large Walmart bags.

“Surprise! I went grocery shopping. Here is literally everything we could ever need. I even bought three boxes of Nerds.”

Caroline laughed. “Woah, thank you!”

“Even utensils and plates et cetera?” Bonnie asked.

“Yes, but I bought paper plates…”

“It’s more convenient until we get settled properly, I guess.”

“Okay, now can we go buy some clothes? That first shop had some reaaally nice stuff!” Elena asked.

“Yes, fine.” Caroline nodded. She did need to update her wardrobe. And she wanted some new makeup…

~*~*~

Seven stores later, the girls collapsed onto the chairs at the food court, exhausted.

“So that was fun. Who else wants a salad?” Bonnie asked.

“I need sugar.” Caroline whispered.

Elena leant forward and tiredly looked her in the eye. “We agreed last week, keep the carbs to a minimum. It’s my duty as your best friend—“ Elena broke off suddenly, a girl walking past them with a milkshake catching her eye. “You know what? Let’s split a Snickers and call it a day.”

“Thank god you bought chocolate.” Caroline sighed as Elena reached into one of the gigantic shopping bags.

They split it three ways and then Elena went off with Bonnie to get their lunch— they knew each other’s orders by heart—while Caroline pulled out her phone. 

She had a text from Nora, one of her friends from college. She talked to her college friends often but they all lived in different cities now and she’d already begun to drift away from some. She realised she missed them. Bonnie and Elena and Damon had each other, but she’d spent the better part of the last few years with Hayley and Luke and Kol and Mary Louise.

That reminded her, she should check in on Tyler. He’d returned to Mystic Falls with Liv and it had been days since they’d spoken. She sent him a single ‘Hey’ which was marked as delivered within moments.

She was now feeling a little wistful and low, but pushed the thoughts away when the girls returned with lunch. They set down a Caesar salad, her absolute favourite, in front of her and she suppressed a smile. They were still her best friends. Things had changed over the last four years, but that was life, and some things were still the same.

Bonnie’s phone started buzzing and a huge grin spread across her face. So that was probably Enzo then.

“Hi.” She said happily, and then looked thoughtful. “Oh, yeah okay. I’ll ask. Bye.”

She looked up at them. “So… who wants to go to that bar tonight?”

Caroline felt slightly confused. “Wait, which bar?”

Elena was suddenly extremely interested in her fork. “The one we told you about…”

Caroline glared. “Oh, the blind date one? The one you sent me to and made me wait for hours at?”

“It’s a really nice place…” Bonnie offered.

“And you met your boyfriend there so… it’s kind of romantic?”

Caroline sighed. “Yeah sure, it’s not like I have other plans.”

“At least you have a job.” Bonnie said.

“I don’t start for another week.”

“Oh yeah, I got the internship at the hospital!” Elena interjected.

Caroline looked over at her, stunned. “No way! Congratulations!”

Bonnie reached over and wrapped an arm around Elena. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

She shrugged. “Forgot to mention it. I knew I’d get it, I wasn’t that worried.”

“Okay, this calls for a celebration. We are definitely going.”

~*~*~

Caroline sat next to Stefan in silence, as Damon and Elena were laughing over who knows what in the backseat. They weren’t really talking, but Damon and Elena were too busy to notice.

It was funny how they were pretending to be dating for the benefit of their friends, but they were more at ease and natural when they were alone. That was when they talked openly and laughed and… kissed. A lot, apparently.

She groaned inwardly, trying to get the thought out of her head, and turned to Stefan.

Ugh. Why did he look hot while driving? Who did that?

He was concentring pretty hard and his eyebrows were a little furrowed. She resisted the urge to reach over and smooth them with her finger.

Oh wait, she could technically do that. Their friends were there, so…

Instead, she placed her hand over his on the gear and smiled reassuringly when he looked over with a surprised expression.

The look he gave her set off butterflies in her stomach, but she ignored them.

It was such a normal and insignificant thing to do but it she was hyper-aware of her hand on his and moved it away when they pulled into the parking lot.

They walked behind the others, standing close together as they entered the bar. It actually reminded her of Mystic Grill in some ways; it had little tables and pool table. They found a table and Stefan announced he was going to order some drinks and leant down to give Caroline a quick peck on the cheek. Her heart raced when he was that close again. Pathetic.

The college… quartet, now, were very excited about living together and Elena’s internship and as much as she hated acknowledging it, Caroline felt a little left out again. She didn’t blame them or anything, it just sucked.

After a minute or two of listening about Nadia’s wild shenanigans, she wandered off to find Stefan. He was standing by the bar and waiting for the drinks.

“Challenge you to a fun game of pool? You look like you could use it,” she asked.

He raised an eyebrow. “Use it?”

“I’m just saying.”

“Oh, you think I’m too serious?” he asked, looking more amused than offended. “Challenge accepted.”

They carried the others’ drinks over to them and Caroline left hers on the table. No way was she drinking anytime soon with this particular company. The last thing she needed was them getting drunk and hooking up in the washroom or something.

She noticed he didn’t have one either. “No drink?” she asked, wondering why. She’d gotten the impression that Stefan and Damon were pretty fond of bourbon.

“I volunteered to be the designated driver.”

“Oh.”

Of course that was it. He probably thought nothing of last night. A guy like him had probably had loads of drunk kisses, and well… more. She was overthinking.

~*~*~

“Hah!” Caroline exclaimed as a ball rolled into the slot.

Ten minutes in, and she was winning.

Stefan rolled his eyes but a faint smile was on his lips. “Just a fluke.”

“Oh, you wish.”

This was so much fun. It was like hanging out with her best friends, only… different, somehow. She found that didn’t want to return to the others.

“Okay, break.” She announced as her phone buzzed. It was a Snapchat from Hayley.

‘Miss you Care!!!’, read a picture of her with a green face mask on.

Caroline grinned and hit reply, taking a quick picture of herself with a funny face and typing in ‘At a bar’. She decided was going to call Hayley the next day and tell her about this plan.

Hayley’s reply was quick: ‘who’s the funny hottie in the background?’

Caroline stared at it, confused, and then understanding dawned upon her as she turned around.

Stefan flashed her an innocent look.

She narrowed her eyes. “What did you do, make horns behind my head?”

He gasped theatrically and placed his hand on his chest. “That would be so immature. I stuck my tongue out at you.”

She giggled and rolled her eyes.

‘My boyfriend. Sort of. Long story.’ She typed into a picture of the pool table. ‘Sort of? Can I have him then?’, Hayley just straight-up texted her.

‘Hands off.’ Caroline had typed and hit send before she could give a single thought to why she’d said that so instinctively and what it meant.

‘LOL K but I need deets ASAP.’

“What do you say, should we continue?” Stefan asked.

Caroline put her phone down and tied her hair back with the hair tie on her wrist. “Absolutely.” She replied, determined to win.

12

[dearmysan]

Wooyoung’s Notes.

Here’s only the smallest collection of all the things I have noted along our journey so far. Enjoy reading them, I’m sure there was some I have missed out on, but there definitely will be more to add along the way!  ↷ San often gets shy when it comes to me. He says it’s because what he’s had with me was unlike anything he’s had with anyone before. I get what he means by that, as I also can’t help but to feel shy when I’m around him. What we have is really different and special to me.  ↷ He’s into Overwatch as much as I am, probably even more! Recently he has found out how much of a god he was at Hanzo. He says his favorite player is Jjonak and he often goes to a lot of games. I hope to go with him one day.  ↷ We played Overwatch together with a few of his close friends. I had a lot of fun! But there was one time where we met, I kind of panicked and killed him. It made him sad but not as sad as I was. It’s okay though because in return, he shot me right in the head. hM.  ↷ I asked San if I could kiss him, and he said he wouldn’t ever push me away, He probably doesn’t know this but he is the most precious person to me, hence it took me awhile. I did it though, I kissed him and he kissed me back, now I’m afraid I may have an addiction.  ↷ I always tell San how much I like him, so instead, I tried something different and I told him I loved him. He told me he loved me and though our intellectual sides were screaming, it’s really a day I don’t think I’d ever forget.  ↷ I was busy one week, and in the end, I couldn’t spend as much time as I wanted to with him. I really miss him.  ↷ IF SAN’S DIMPLES AREN’T THE CUTEST SHIT EVER WTFF. And can I just say, nice, nice jawline. What a pretty neck he has too. He’s just pretty in general, we may have a problem, I love him too much. ↷ Warning! San has found ways to tease me and make me jealous in return. Maybe I should cool down my teasing, maybe he’ll have some mercy on me.  ↷ He had a dream about Yunho and Hongjoong, I sure hope that we meet in our dreams instead. But then again, he called me his dream come true and that just made me the softest shit ever.  ↷ After our first time, I was surprised to learn about one of his risky kinks, I’m definitely putting it on my list of things to try with him though, how exciting! ↷ He’s so cute when he’s drunk. He literally sent me a whole spam of gifs that were all like, “I love you” & “I miss you.” It was the most precious thing ever.  ↷ Since I first met San, there hasn’t been a day without spams of himself. I love seeing his cute face everywhere so I never mind though. It really reminds me that I need to get my lazy ass off to give him a spam as well.  ↷ He’s so competitive and I can tell he get’s sad when people stop playing games with him. I hope everyone continues to play games with him even if he is always victorious!  ↷ I took him on our first date. We had pizza and a ton of beer, we even played 20 questions and though we’re not currently done, I hope to continue soon as I still have many things to learn about him. ↷ We’re going on our first Vacation together, just me and him, alone. We’re travelling to the Maldive Islands. Though I’m sure it’d be beautiful, I don’t think it’d beat his beauty.  ↷ San’s so honest. He’s probably the most down to earth person that I’d ever come across. He’s too sweet for his own good. I’ll protect him, no matter what it takes! I hope the greatest people come his way, always. A good person deserves good things, I hope only the best things come his way from now on. ↷ San gets easily stressed when things aren’t organized. Sadly, I hate how I can’t do much, I can only be here for him at the end of the day when he is done. San should take his medications with him always though, I want him to be safe and I want him to always feel content. He’s a really strong person and I admire him for that. ↷ He really has endless love for the people around him. ↷ He says he’s not a fighter, yet when it came to me, he couldn’t let go. I still find that so cute.  ↷ San asked me to be officially his, he even blushed and boom, there went my heart again. The answer was too obvious though, of course I’d say yes. ↷ Our vacation was short lived, but extremely fun! We had a nice dinner and he even threw himself into the water. I hope we get to go again, this time, I’d like to take him somewhere nice. Also, we forgot Shiber, poor baby. ↷ So like, San asked me if it’d be alright for him to temporary cc to a girl. He’s so goofy, of course I’d be more than alright with that. Whoever he may be in the world, he’ll always be my one and only. As long as it’s him and no one else, I’d be absolutely content.  ↷ I had one of my firsts rabbit sessions with San a week or two ago. I don’t remember how far back it was because at this point, we’ve had so much sessions! We watch scary videos, scary mazes and even disney things! I felt like I was there right beside him. It made me so happy to see him so excited over the things he likes. ↷ So, San put on a scary game play in the middle of the night when I was preparing to go to sleep. I couldn’t do it...and I left. I’m still sorry about it. Also, he couldn’t exit out of the video after I left and we started talking about how we’re cursed. ICB. ↷ Noted. San loves heavy metal. He’s also calls himself a nerd because he loves Star Wars and Lord of The Rings. So precious, I want to share his love for all the things he likes so, it’s definitely on my list to do so. ↷ Perhaps, does San love Winnie The Pooh more than me? I’m shaking.  ↷ I’m shaking again because my little boy is growing so fast. Don’t tell me he’s going to get taller and taller and taller.  ↷ We finally got a place to ourselves! It’s on the outskirt of town and it’s quite a beautiful little home. We still need to incorporate a lot of Mickey Mouse decorations in our home though, we specifically talked about the kitchen! I hope to get to that soon.  ↷ I’ve been desperate to get tall so, I did it, I am currently Yunho. I think San likes it though. Now he can curl up in my chest all he’d like! May I also add that I am a fan of my blue hair. ↷ I’m starting to think he doesn’t realize how beautiful of a person he is. I’m dyiiiiiiing.  ↷ Okay so, he had a dream about Han and I got mad. Then he had a dream about Han again but this time I was there to pull him away. He said it made him laugh, and it honestly made me super happy yet embarrassed! ↷ It’s his birthday today! I’m celebrating it with him for the first time. I couldn’t prepare much but I hope he enjoys his time today anyways. He deserves so much. Also, I shall add that we also reached our first month together as companions!  ↷ Though my baby is a daredevil, he isn’t good with drop rides. I definitely have to protect him when it comes to those! ↷ San brought home a kitty! We decided to keep the baby and call the kitty Simba, our very own baby! ↷ Over the time span that we’ve been together, San has gone from Soojin to Solar to Yeeun and back to himself multiple times. I have even more fond memories of these people now. May I also say that he was beautiful every single time.  ↷ So like, we went to the mall together. I bought a few suits and San/Yeeun wore the prettiest skirt. What happened after that was quite exciting. We even had a session in the car afterwards. I hope we have many more opportunity to share those exciting and rebellious times together,  ↷ I finally got to watch San play some horror games. It honestly wasn’t as scary as I initially thought it was going to be so I’m quite glad. Not going to lie though, I closed my eyes a few time and sat pretty far from the screen. He’s so brave compared to me.  ↷  We finished Pokemon XY & Z. I still remember when we first started. Man have I grown so attached to all the characters. I am real excited to fall in love all over again with the new cast of the Sun & Moon series we are watching. My baby even got us a netflix to try out so we could finish Lord of The Rings as well, especially after rabbit died off and made me real sad.  ↷ A car trip came to mind with San. It sounds absolutely perfect and I can’t wait to set out on that adventure. It’s like we share the same idea of many dates and I find it absolutely adorable. I have somewhere I want to take him. ↷ San had started talking about Jeno ever since that Boom comeback. Something about an attractive undercut and headband. I’m kind of real jealous but it’s okay, I’m learning how to live with it. Pft.  ↷ We played so much dating doors, it’s so fun to see how our choices differ and how they are yet so similar. I really didn’t want to play the NCT because of you know who but it’s alright, I had a great time anyways.  ↷ My baby called me dramatic...a lot of things started making sense after that. I am indeed a over dramatic person.  ↷ San has started work again. I really hope he learns how to take better care of himself. I don’t like seeing him in pain. Before when we were just friends, I know he had a lot of stress and it brought upon chest pains. Now San’s back is often sore as well. I just hope my baby is okay after an exhausting day. I believe that he’ll always do his very best. I just hope he doesn’t push himself to hard.  ↷ I have started school. Not going to lie, I’m very upset about the fact that my time with him has been cut off shorter, like I’m super upset. I hope he knows how important he is to me and I hope to keep him by my side, always.  ↷ I miss him, all the time.  ↷ San is really my source of strength. He keeps me motivated and really pushes me to make good decisions. He says he doesn’t know how to offer words of encouragement but little does he understand that just his mere presence is enough to keep my spirits up.  ↷ We betrayed each other in a game and I was really sad. Reminded me of that old overwatch days where we killed each other. I never want to go against him again, it’ll break my poor baby’s heart and my own. ↷  San seemed to really enjoy his Loki self. I got Nick Wilde, oh yeah! ↷ I believe we are exchanging gifts this year and I’m real excited for it. I’ll work hard so I can buy him meaningful gifts.  ↷ There’s something I want to do, but I’ll keep it to myself until we have time.

[thcpcnguin-blog]

TFLN Starters

{90 textsfromlastnight text starters}

[text]: i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex [text]: I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me. [text]: i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts. [text]: You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil [text]: learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels. [text]: alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now [text]: im getting a BJ in a closet and a penguin just handed me a bong [text]: Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off [text]: He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science. [text]: oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life. [text]: For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there [text]: He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood [text]: Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. [text]: I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption [text]: He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat. [text]: I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming [text]: He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect. [text]: Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's [text]: As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good, [text]: Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere [text]: long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch [text]: And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face [text]: MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. [text]: I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise. [text]: I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me [text]: they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste [text]: my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities. [text]: Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes... [text]: You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick. [text]: also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns? [text]: "Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me. [text]: no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner [text]: It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman. [text]: Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar. [text]: i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer. [text]: I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though. [text]: I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper. [text]: Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman [text]: I am an emotionally compromised bisexual. [text]: so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone. [text]: Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay. [text]: I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice [text]: It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at. [text]: I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce [text]: His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him. [text]: I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit [text]: Holy sore nipples Batman [text]: He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot. [text]: after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls. [text]: hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned [text]: Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend [text]: Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring. [text]: If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse. [text]: I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot [text]: OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. [text]: I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded. [text]: I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes [text]: I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick. [text]: Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp. [text]: I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top. [text]: party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record. [text]: i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections. [text]: CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us [text]: Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious [text]: you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you [text]: He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work [text]: you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable. [text]: for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates... [text]: I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive. [text]: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE [text]: 2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too. [text]: You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea... [text]: Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera [text]: Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real. [text]: Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. [text]: He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you' [text]: Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today [text]: Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd. [text]: People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas [text]: You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?" [text]: Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever [text]: I think we’re only still together so we can make each other miserable [text]: Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself. [text]: don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire. [text]: Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign [text]: That’s not a That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days. [text]: The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not. [text]: Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. [text]: He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall. [text]: We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends

[commentaryonhowwelive]

November 2015. Age 23. Inside the Womb of Apathy

My older brother was in town looking for a job in Denver, so he was staying with me in Boulder during the search. He was just as clueless as me in regards to what he was trying to do with his life, which was kind of nice. Misery, or rather, cluelessness loves company. Kind of like in a folie a deux, no matter what you’re doing, if you have another person doing it with you, it makes whatever you’re doing just a little bit better. 

He used to work at a local brewery so we all decided to go grab a few drinks there one night so he could catch up with some old chums. My roommate, Freezerp, and I were incredibly cheap. In fact, thinking back on it now, it was laughable. So naturally when my brother said we’d probably get hooked up with free beers if we gave him a ride over, we were up and out.

We were a couple of bohemians when it came to craft brews, so we stood there and stared at the rotating tap for a few minutes before my brother and his old coworker came by and asked us what we wanted. We grabbed a “Weeeeeeee!” which is a dark scottish ale and he grabbed a “North Star” which is a very high ABV porter that was just about to run out, so he jumped on it. It was “Geeks Who Drink” trivia night so it was packed, but we found a nice spot in the sitting area where we settled in next to a cute girl drinking alone.

“I’ve been at a Yoga seminar all day, and it’s been all about health, so I just want to do something that’s unhealthy and have a nice beer. I’m not from here so I just typed in ‘brewery’ to google and I found this place.” She said with yoga pants on that were actually being utilized.

“Oh yeah, I mean.” I said slightly slurring, “Twisted Pine is just like the OG place to go around here.”

It’s amazing how easy it is to just strike up conversations with a girl, or anyone really, when you’ve both had a drink or two. We talked about species of bananas, my buddy’s rap project, jokes about me being a substitute teacher. She left after just a few drinks, and I never even caught her name.

I remembered that I had to drive home so I wanted to sober up a bit before driving home. We had a swear jar at home which was a joke in itself, but in addition to it being a joke, we decided to use all of the money in the swear jar to buy beer with, which we wouldn’t count swears that we said while drinking the beers we bought with the swear jar. Perfect right? I know it’s perfect, thanks. 

Anyways, we realized that we had probably $15 or so in the swear jar, so Freezerp and I decided to walk to the liquor store to buy some more beer. We figured that we’d sober up enough before having to drive home, but just enough to drive, then when we got home we could keep on drinking. We went to the liquor store and in our usual goofy stupor to fill up a “You-Pick-6”. We searched and arrogantly yet superfluously judged the beers based on the labels and ABV. 

“The guy on this bottle has a fuckin’ attitude and I like it.”

“Look at those muscles too. He does, in fact, lift bro”, Freezerp replied. He stopped the conversation and looked around, dropped and did 20 push ups, then popped back up again. We continued as if nothing happened.

“He probably just drinks eggs for breakfast.”

“Paleo. Just like this beer. We’re getting one.”

We ended up with the same shit we probably would’ve bought if we were completely sober, with the exception of the $5 stout from Fort Collins because we wanted to see whether it was 3.5 times better than the other beers.

On our way back to the brewery, Freezy yelled “LAST ONE THERE LOSES” and when I’m drunk and I’m sucker for challenges, so I started sprinting, even though I was carrying a 6-pack of beer. I realized that I probably looked like I was stealing the beer, but I didn’t even give a shit because I was too busy laughing so hard and running as fast as I could that I literally couldn’t focus on anything else except for how absolutely hilarious it was and how incredibly tired I was, even though I’m a long distance runner.

I texted Sophia when we got to the bar. “Hey giiiirrrlrlllll wanna come over?”

She usually didn’t respond quickly, but when it came to sleeping in my bed with me, she was all over it.

“Yes! When?”

“I’m at the Twisted Pine but were about to leave. Meet me in funbarrel at 10?”

“K :))”

Allow me to explain, I don’t live in a town called Funbarrel. It’s actually Gunbarrel, but we call it Funbarrel because we’re just a couple of kooky crazy kids. 

“Woo!” I exclaimed and did a little jig as my phone vibrated in my pocket on the way to my car.

“Do I bring beer?” Sophia texted me again.

“We just got more beer after the bar but if you want to bring more I will never say never.”

“Ok biebs. Sweaty Betty it is.”

Sweaty Betty is our favorite craft beer.

I started dating Sophia a few weeks prior and thus far it’d been pretty great. She wasn’t the prettiest girl, nor the smartest, nor had the greatest aspirations, but she was who she was and I appreciated her for who she was. We vibed in a way that I had never vibed with anyone before, and that was good enough for me. I knew I could’ve probably found someone better if I tried, but I was too tempted to stay with her because of that good knob slobbin. Ew that’s gross sorry you just had to read that. But anyways, we pretty much just got together every night, got drunk and had sex. It was casual as fuck, and sure it was probably super unsustainable and we knew we were gonna crash and burn, but fuck it, I was gonna ride that shit out as long as I could because for the time being, it fuckin rocked. Plus, since I was on Lexapro, I wasn’t freaking out about the constant sex all the time. 

My first girlfriend panicked any time our gonads were even semi close, calling me a few days after hooking up when I had gone back to Orlando for the week for class, absolutely sure that she was pregnant, even though we never even had sex. It was absurd and kind of scarred me to the point that I started freaking out every time I had sex with anyone afterwards. Kind of like when you’re a little kid and your mom tells you that if you stop making that face it’ll stay that way. Somehow I let some constantly freaked out girl convince me of how easy it was to get someone pregnant (subcutaneous semen absorption I guess?). But Lexapro fixed it all. It seemed like this little white miracle pill let me have sex all the time and not worry about pregnancy. I mean, come on, I pulled out and used a condom anyways. Ok enough with the detailing my sexcapades, I promise. 

----------

I was chilling pretty hard at that time in my life. I kept thinking about what I wanted to do and accomplish and whatnot, whether I wanted to go back to graduate school or not, but it always ended up with the same conclusion.

“Fuck it”

I did whatever the hell I wanted, I had a job that, yeah it wasn’t glamorous, but I looked forward to going every day. Not everyone can say that and I felt blessed. My brother was talking about some courier job he saw in the newspaper that night before Sophia came over.

“That’d be the perfect job because you’re just doing normal things.” He said describing the courier job. 

That’s how I felt about the delivery job I had: I drove around town bumping tunes, then when I’m back in the shop I’m usually just working with a few other people. Plus I never had to be at work until 10:30 A.M., so I could drink any night of the week and be fine by the time I had to be at work. In addition to that, it wasn’t like I had to use a whole lot of brain power at work anyways.

Goddamn, things were pretty alright. Right as I finished my 2nd beer after getting back home, I heard a knock on the door. 

“GET THE FUCK OUT” I yelled. 

Sophia daintily walked in with her typical awkwardness that she hid so well behind a veil of confidence. Her silly half smile made me want to take her to bed immediately, but I knew we couldn’t for at least another hour or so until everyone else started settling down too.

I got up and gave her a foot-lifting-off-the-ground-hug. Our hips pressed together hard and I looked into her eyes devilishly. I put her down and walked toward the fridge while she put her stuffed backpack which whatever the hell she kept in there in my bedroom.

“PORTER OR IPA”, I yelled across the apartment.

“Ummmm, I don’t care whatever you have more of”, her soft voice struggled to carry from the bedroom into my kitchen. 

I had more porters than IPA’s, but the IPA’s were 7.5% and the porters only 5.2% and frankly I wanted us both to get drunk quicker. I cracked open an IPA and brought it directly to her.

We were both two beers in within 20 minutes. We cracked into the Sweaty Bettys, going in for number three with no hesitation. My little brother who had just turned 21 started pouring shots for him, Freezy, my older brother, me, and Sophia. I looked at Sophia and gave her a quick double eyebrow raise. 

At this point, it wasn’t a question of whether we were going to hook up that night. In fact, it was virtually never a question of whether we were going to hook up when she came over to stay the night. The only question was how ok I was going to be with it while we fucked. The more drunk I was, the more I was able to pretend like there was love, instead of two directionless early twenty-year-olds attempting to fill the void with shallow dopamine. 

-------------

I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards me. As she did an assisted sit up, she lifted her arms up for me to lift her shirt off. No bra. Perfect. I remembered she didn’t shave her arm pits but luckily I had successfully drank myself to the point of benevolence toward anything that wasn’t perfect, which was everything.

We don’t have to fall in love, in love, in love

We don’t have to feel the touch, the touch, the touch

We can do it for the rush, the rush, the rush

I’m waiting for you

Breathe Carolina sang out of my phone on my bedside table

I took my shirt off as well and pushed her back down; as I did she grabbed me and took me with her. The teasing hip thrust I gave her the moment she walked into my door came back ten fold. I pushed into her crotch with mine, both of our pants still on, taunting her because I knew she wanted me more than I wanted her. Holding my breath followed by audible exhales accompanied my thrusts as I was getting off just from knowing how full of lust she was. It didn’t take long for us to be completely naked and send ourselves into a hermaphroditic entanglement, but I’m not sure what happened from there because that’s when I blacked out.

-------------

A few nights later and we were sitting on the couch watching Samurai Gourmet on Netflix. I was eating a sweet potato and drinking malt liquor. She was knitting. 

“I’m going on a date with a girl from Bumble tomorrow,” I said nonchalantly. 

Sophia’s eyebrows furrowed, “What?”

“I told you, we’re not exclusive,” I said not looking up from the conversation on my phone with the little 21-year-old blonde girl. 

“But, like...that’s just, like..shitty,” she said starting to cry. 

I ate the last bit of sweet potato, “Oookay, I’m going to bed.” 

She slept on the couch that night and I didn’t care.

[oh-barcelona-blog1]

Middle of nowhere, Portugal !

My newly minted boyfriend is Portuguese. So last weekend, we embarked on a 24 hour adventure to surprise one of his best friends on his 30th birthday.

Day 1:

We landed in Porto at around 1300. It was my first time in Porto, so I had some important things that I needed to see! We only had 4 hours to be tourists, but my dude is pretty awesome so we managed.

The fanciest McDonald’s in the world

Had the taxi drop us off there. Saw the eagle. And off we went immediately after to do more touristing!

(not my pictures - grabbed off the internet/pinterest. if you know the owner let me know so i can credit)

Lunch was in a small place somewhere where old people (locals) were eating. Always a good sign. And a ton of food for 2 was just 20€ (a lunch menu in BCN will probably be 12-14/person)! Don’t even get me started on the food... More on that later.

The Duoro River

Water, post-card friendly view, a ton of tourists eating by the water, and seagulls. SEAGULLS. A TON OF THEM. Stealing food from tables. It was hilarious. It was also warm which was nice. Considering it’s still the middle of February.

Livraria Lello

One of the oldest bookstores in Portugal. And one of the prettiest too! Neo-gothic feel. Lighting done right. And tourists mostly inside. To be honest, it has a Harry Potter feel to it. Didn’t buy anything. Sad.

One of my favourite things from that 4 hours of touristing was the street-art. Gotta give props to Porto local government for encouraging street artists to put their work on street structures to make them more easy on the eyes.

Meeting the friends

So this is the first time I’m meeting my boyfriend’s friends. All Portuguese, of course. My Spanish isn’t even good enough to have a casual conversation in Barcelona. It didn’t allow me to survive in Portugal. I know they speak a different language --- but if the dude can survive in BCN with his Portuñol --- i should be able to do the same the other way around, right? Wrong!

We met up with Nuno’s (let’s use names now, it’ll be easier) friend from Lisbon so we can all drive together to Cabeceiras de Basto -- or as I would like to call it: Middle of Nowhere, Portugal. It was a 1hour drive from Porto - a small municipality which has a population of probably less than 20k (and maybe less than 5k in the town center). 

I spent the entire drive up to CdB, fighting off sleep. Which was pretty hard considering we just had a company offsite the day before (a nice way to say drinking with your co-workers for 2 days straight). I was hungover and sleepy, which were not good things when you’re trying to impress your boyfriend’s friends ---- in a mix of Spanish, Portuñol, and fast English (because fast is the only speed setting I have when I’m feeling anxious). 

Fast forward to the actual party and many glasses of wine later --- we were asked to wear robes. Monk-ish robes. Birthday celebrant was part of a cultural/theatre group in CdB so his surprise birthday party was an elaborate event more fitting for a wedding rather than a 30th birthday party. But with costumes. And it was great! It was the first time I was meeting the dude too so I felt like an outsider in a sea of friends who somehow all knew each other. And then there’s me. New face. Definitely not the face of a European. It was pretty hard not to stand out when all I wanted to do was just blend in. 

I did manage to get over my anxiety and my shyness though. Most of Nuno’s friends were pretty cool. Making sure that I’m having fun. Or that I know what I’m eating. Getting invited to join them for a smoke. I did the Limbo and nearly broke my back. I danced -- as in really danced. Because bobbing my head and pointing a finger at the ceiling wasn’t enough dancing for these guys. And as much as I tried to avoid drinking any alcohol (because I’m still drunk from the previous nights) -- the abundance of good wine, plus the open bar at midnight was just too much to resist. 

I have to say that these guys know how to party. And eat. And drink. Everybody keeps talking about the Italians and the Spanish and the French when it comes to food and wine. With the Italians I think they’re right. With the Spanish though? Meh. But I think the Portuguese are Europe's best kept secret (I just hope my boyfriend never finds out that I said that. Otherwise, the gloating will never end) when it comes to food and wine. The food is mostly simple. The kind of food your grandma will make for you on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Comfort food. And their rice. These guys know how to make their rice! Cooked in olive oil and onions! The red wine is strong and fruity and full bodied. The green wine is actually white but delightful. And their pastel de natas! And let’s not forget their coffee. OY!

We had to chip in for the party of course. 25EU/person. To pay for the buffet of starters. The overflowing wine, and sangria. The open bar. The 3 course dinner. And the 12 types of desser that were served. All these in ballroom, on top of a hill that we had to ourselves until 4am. 25EU. That’s a lot cheaper than a normal dinner I would have here in Barcelona at a Mexican restaurant. 

By 4am I was ready to pass out. But we were staying for the night at the celebrant’s house -- and well I didn’t want to be the boring girlfriend that Nuno introduced them too I powered through. Sneaking in little naps as much as I can. Like during the 15m drive we took from the venue back to the center so we can go to this “underground” (literally) club for more drinking and more dancing. I was barely standing up. 

Small towns are amazing though. I heard the celebrant ask the owner of the bar/club for the bill so he can pay for everybody’s beers but the guy just blinked at him and said “Happy Birthday”. Perks of everybody knowing everybody. 

There were 2 more clubs after that and I barely remembered what happened during those 2 hours. Except for 2 things: 1) me grabbing every chair opportunity I can find 2) and one of Nuno’s friends saying to his other friend “She’s from fucking Philippines” while pointing at me, after he found out where I am from. I didn’t know whether to be offended or amused. I chose the latter instead.

It was nearly 7am when they finally decided to head home. Them still brimming with energy and chatter. Me, nearly dead. I guess it’s hard to be on the same page of enthusiasm when a) I just met them b) I have no idea what they’re talking about most of the time. Standing there, nodding, smiling, while my brain furiously tries to translate it an exhausting ordeal. 

Day 2:

How they were up and awake and actually alive before noon was a huge mystery to me. But suddenly we were in a flurry of getting ready for a big lunch. 

And lunch was a huge ordeal of 6 tables put together to accommodate our big group. Wine for lunch. Beef with mushrooms. Cotolette. Some sausage. A ton of fries. And even more ries. Coffee, of course was served after. And nobody even blinks at indoor smoking. There were still left over cake from the previous night’s party. Energy was high - even though everybody looked fogged over. 

And just like the bar/club from the previous night -- payment was made in the form of a blink, a handshake, and a back clap, along with the reassurances that the birthday celebrant can pay whenever he’s able to swing by. 

Cabeceiras de Basto had a tiny museum that we went to after food. It was a town museum just to show the history, topography, and neat facts about the town. Of course it was cool. I’m also a huge sucker for these things. We ended the tour with a short tourism video about CdB -- which of course was in Portuguese so I just appreciated the images instead.

We still had some hours before we had to fly back. So we went back to the house to chill and smoke some more of course. These kids (I would say kids because most of them are a year or 2 younger than I am) have such strong lungs! So we talked about (well they did, I just listened and tried to contribute to the conversation every once in a while) the rent in CdB (200 for their entire apartment which was a 3 bedroom, 2 baths, beauty compared to my 850 mess in Barcelona), the small town life, and some stories from their childhood here and there. 

It was nice to see my boyfriend in his element -- with his friends, relaxed, not bombarded with big city annoyances. 

Then it was time to go home. 

Hugs were exchanged. And a promise to learn the language so not to be left out of the conversation anymore next time. 

TLDR;

Went to Portugal for my boyfriend’s friend’s surprise birthday party. Took a quick tour of Porto before driving up to Cabeceiras de Basto - a small municipality an hour away from Porto. People were awesome. Food was even more awesome. The wine was divine. And I had a ton of fun.

Of course by the time we got back to Barcelona I was practically crawling to my apartment. And I remained dead for the next couple of days.