#he was a part of judd's relationship with his son as well

[the118firefam]

i think the only (and most important) difference between bobby nash and owen strand is that they don't insert bobby into every single character's arcs and episodes

[messymindofmine]

911 Lone Star Redemption Week!

Thank you @lemonlyman-dotcom for tagging me and @lonestar-s5countdown for starting this!

1)Which 911 Lone Star character redemption is your favorite?

Owen hands down. Tbh, with the exception of maybe TK, I can't think of any character that has specifically had a "redemption journey" as such. At least not in the way I would define it. Mistakes and growth is obviously a central theme of the show but I think Owen is the character that has had a series long redemption arc. And I think Owen is actually very important in what he represents. This is a man who lost his entire crew in a tragedy that quite literally changed the course of history as we know it. And that wasn't even the beginning of his trauma. He carried the guilt of his brother's death into adulthood and that guilt and trauma was compounded throughout his life. People can dismiss Owen all they want but I think that in many ways the type of representation he brings to the show is just as important as that of Tarlos, Paul, Marjan etc. What we see with him is the reality of how a lifetime of loss and trauma scars a person. And you know what? Owen is actually the ideal scenario because even at his worst, he still loves and cares for the people around him. Even his most annoying moments are borne from his desire to help others. Most of all, Owen makes sure that the people he cares about don't make the mistakes he did. Had it not been for him, who knows how Judd would have survived his PTSD? And I know people have mixed feelings on this but I think him bringing the 126 together the way he did was far more about him bringing together kindred souls who needed each other than him saving anyone. And I will never understand the people who say Owen is a bad parent because while he is obviously not perfect, nobody can deny that he loves his son more than anything in the world. And actually, that is another reason why I picked Owen for the best redemption arc. I think his redemption is so beautifully intertwined with TK's. Owen's grief and trauma obviously affected TK as a child and as he got older that childhood trauma of watching his father spiral led him down his own dark path. I think TK and Owen are the most beautiful and realistic example of a parent-child relationship not only because of how much the love each other but also how a parent's trauma can impact the child. But despite it all, they remain so close and are unafraid to openly express their love for each other.

2) Is there a character you think deserved an more of an onscreen redemption moment than we got on the show?

Hmm I don't really know. I guess I would have liked to see more discussion regarding Owen's father and how it would have felt knowing that Robert got to experience all the things Owen never did. I don't know how they would go about redeeming a dead character that we only had about 5 minutes of or if that even counts as redemption but I would be interested in exploring that more. And I would like to see TK be a part of that as well. I wish we'd gotten a scene of Owen actually telling TK about Robert.

3) Is there a recurring (or even one-time guest) "villain" that you would like to see return with a redemption arc? Or if not, is there a "villain" you absolutely would not want to see get a redemption?

I know he did kind of get redeemed in s3 but I wouldn't be opposed to seeing Billy Tyson again. Actually, I think it would be interesting to see him now after everything. Now that he and Owen have reached a truce and there is no more rivalry over the firehouse, what is Billy doing? Are he and Judd still in touch? Has he retired? I'd be interested to know what's going on with him now.

4) Are there any unresolved conflicts from the first four seasons that you wish were reconciled onscreen?

I know that the popular answers to this are usually the Push arc or 4x01-4x04 and I totally agree with both of those but for the sake of the post, I'm going to go with something different. I wish we'd gotten to see more of Mateo coming to terms with what happened to his cousin and how it impacted his family. He carried that guilt of his cousin going to jail for the first time to cover for him but we don't know what his relationship with the rest of his family is like as a result. Do they even know that Marvin was just covering for Mateo? Do they blame him for the path that Marvin took? Did Mateo see or talk to them after Marvin's death? All we got onscreen was his cousin calling to tell him that Marvin was dead. I just found that storyline interesting because it added depth to Mateo while also connecting two separate characters played in different shows by the same actor in a really fun way.

5) Which character would you like to have a more developed backstory?

Nancy. As things are now, she is the only one who we really don't know anything about for sure. I like that LS doesn't do "Begins" episodes the way 911 OG does because I prefer how we have slowly gotten more backstory for the characters and there is still more about all of them that we don't know but I would like to have some solid backstory for Nancy. We do know she has a sister and she was picked on in school. I feel like that could be potentially interesting and allow us to see how she ended up as a paramedic. Maybe she was a science geek and ended up performing first aid on a classmate which inspired her. Maybe her sister has a chronic illness and she was inspired by helping take care of her. She resuscitated that woman against her will so I feel like there is a strong basis for the latter theory.

As always, I'm going to leave this an open tag and invite anyone who wants to participate to do so. And if anyone wants me to tag them, please let me know!

[sageandred]

🚒🚨🚔 911 Lone Star ⭐️ Rewatch Notes—Season 1 ~

1x01

So first thing in the opening: somehow I forgot the guy microwaved a wrapped burrito. I wonder if Judd thinks about this being the origin for his team's deaths.

Anyway, the nitrate being the cause to the explosion could've totally been avoided with a quicker alert, but seems realistic and just sad to Judd's initial backstory.

It's crazy to me how TK was ready to propose without knowing what living together was like. I could say so much abt the implications of their relationship and how it was bad even before the knowledge of cheating.

Oh my god, I almost forgot about Michelle. (her yelling on the bf's porch is her best scene, lol)

TK tells his dad the AA meetings are better than in New York, but 2 episodes later he says to Carlos he's felt "gray" since he got here. He doesn't want his dad to worry. And Carlos ends up being the first person he is honest with on how he feels in Austin.

So glad Michelle and Owen never became a thing

It's crazy-Judd's PTSD was such a key thing in the first episode that kept me watching; I wanna see him in a leading position storyline again with his new journey in s5.

1x02

"TK, get the cuffs." "We don't have any cuffs, cap." is actually good-funny!

The infamous episode 2 hook-up: This entire scene has been analyzed, but I'll reiterate: How hooked Carlos must've been based on his reaction after. TK, as well, being laid out on the couch. Their kissing was so hungry; this was crazy. Also, I feel so bad for Carlos how TK's rushing out, and he knows it at the very end there, but is hoping it's not what he thinks.

I honestly like a lot of the calls better than 911. The balance/self-awareness of silliness and tearjerk moments on the calls (including the one with the overlords; also racist lady, and the unknown mercury poisoning) are so heartwarming, tbh. ❤️

The iconic "it's a meal, not a marriage proposal" table scene: it also just occurred to me, (or I remembered(?)), the implication that Carlos doesn't engage in hookup culture a lot or AT ALL based on the context of this scene ("I don't do this a lot." "Clearly.." and how he's acting)

1x03

The corn silo call and seeing how stupid TK is [affectionate] so early on to try saving Marjan. They really had an unspoken bond from day 1. (literally allergic to leadership when he feels he knows best)

"Just grinning like the butcher's dog, huh?" Judd is sooo <3 😆

2 observations from Carlos' talk w/Michelle about TK *and it's taken for context of him being out but never having anyone serious enough to introduce to his parents*: 1) he's probably never gotten used to texting first or cared enough to pursue [when Michelle suggests] (and that his fear of rejection in this moment could stem from his mom or dad never showing acceptance for his sexuality), and 2) he calls TK a "ten," and before, Michelle says "doesn't it always get weird?" about Carlos and his hook-ups.

#Grudd "So then, you got your point across." "I. did. not." I love them!

The beginning of Paul and Marjan-they don't show their friendship enough, but they connect so well from the beginning!

Like father, like son- so Owen fights off his frustrations like TK (where he gets it from). They're both keeping secrets from each other and don't deal w/their emotions well, because part of him wanted to get out his anger for his diagnosis. (perhaps, loose correlation, but trying to distract himself by being Michelle's hero somehow circles back to what the man in the cancer ward said about Owen wanting to "play hero ball" by being prideful and trying to solve things without support from his family/team)

I like how they wrote TK and Judd resolving their conflict-TK cutting off Judd in the middle of his apology, as he's struggling to do so & apologizing as well (they get each other so much).

1x04

The Tornado episode: when they feel like a full-blown family

Marjan and Judd conversing in the firetruck about religion made me think compared to the rest of the 126, they interact very little in one-on-one situations, but there's some small moments and background instances later on t/o the show of their bond! (maybe it was born out of understanding from this scene?!)

Owen advising Mateo about not bottling stuff up and Mateo opening up about the call: an early predecessor to what happens in (4x11) the sitcom episode. also, take your own advice!

Owen not telling TK his diagnosis vs telling him before he is confirmed to getting a different one in season 4 is growth.

1x05

"..incels--Involuntary celibates." "That's a thing?" "We used to just call them losers." just Nancy appreciation things

TK counting the days from Alex breaking up with him and calling him his "soulmate". I'm so dumb, I just realized TK knowing the days is 116 (that would've been a lot of time to count otherwise) is because it's the same day he broke his sobriety (i think i forget abt this every time i come across this scene).

[Judd has flashback and ptsd reaction on scene at the call]

It's interesting how 911 starts further in to the team-like connectedness and LS shows the probie-induction for full length episodes. like they don't let Mateo do anything. "[I'm] their spotter, sir?"... "There's another one!" 😂😅 (also cuz Mateo literally failed four times, I KNOW)

1x06

I'm obsessed w/all of Marjan's solo friendships with the boys. That is all. [the early scene in the episode with the credits still rolling]

"Whenever you get stressed, just remind yourself that...soon you're gonna die anyway...if you can convince your brain that none of it really matters anyway, then you'll basically be a Jedi." some genuinely solid advice (ep. has some unexpectedly uplifting words, and this is a great heart-to-heart in it)

I will say they've got the friendship moments down pat with the team-building these last 2 episodes and the last few scenes of each episode solidify that! The developmental, 'forming-of-the-friendships' scenes in s1 are rlly great by showing members bond individually, along with all of the nice natural chemistry and camaraderie on calls, including looks and side comments.

1x07

Paul has such a right to be upset abt Owen keeping his diagnosis a secret when they relocated and now their jobs could be on the line, because of Billy and his mission.

Oh my gosh, Carlos literally says, "I'm a patrol officer, not an investigator." look where you are now (I've had thoughts on the journey from officer to ranger and how it's good!)

[JUDD STANDING UP FOR HIS CREW!!] to keep their jobs to Billy and for Owen to fix the mess he created

1x08

BUTTERCUP!!!

The Norman-Norma Bates call always was one I really liked.

"Okay, she dead." Tim, I miss you.

"Man, you're being a dick to a cancer dog? That is not a good look, bro." [the way he said it- just some shameless Paul appreciation]

"You knew that I was going to fall in love with it...and I won't be able to take that." so sweet

"Yeah, I think this is about more than the dog." omg, Owen is slow ❤️

Now that I'm over the initial sadness of Grace being replaced, I'm interested in how Wyatt does as a dispatcher and what kind of calls he has that tie into the episode themes.

TK's first on-screen NDE via on scene first response calls. you got a lot more coming your way, buddy

Aww Paul in the back offscreen (who can't see what's going on) screaming for TK when he gets shot

Michelle is "Blue Eyes" singing and Iris is "Sad Eyes"? why did this just click for me

1x09

a side-note: Judd is so unserious, always laughing during the calls [here for pregnancy delivery gender-reveal party; & so many situations t/o the season (and this is not including the one where he reacted due to ptsd, obviously)]

[TK always thinking about other people-how the kid who shot him is dealing when he first wakes up (they tell us exactly what a dominant trait in his characterization that will be)].

"Are you my doctor?" "No, I'm his..date." "You brought a date[to the hospital]?" Fr & "So, are you gonna tell me how long you've been seeing her?" "When you tell me how long you've been seeing the cop." are the funny father-son moments that shine

The show joking about how soon TK will return to work and Mateo earnestly asking "in a couple weeks?" to which Judd says "sooner than that" and tells the story of an LA firefighter coming back in a month after rebar went through his brain (911 reference). oh I didn't get this b4. also, I do love the whole awareness of speedy recoveries & that we're just gonna accept it <3

Judd doesn't like the extra work of filling in as captain. Is this smthing relevant for later (idk)?

Again- "they said you might heal up in 10 days." love it!

"There's turns in there that are 2 ft wide." and "that excludes everybody except..." I love Marjan and Mateo getting their moment (she's had some already, but..)

["who do you normally talk to about these things?"] "Well I guess there is my boyfriend-who I don't even really know is my boyfriend, boyfriend." so cute <3 they were like this already early on

TK became a firefighter because he followed in Owen's footsteps, because he wanted a father, after he wasn't there that much (*this is just a recap note for the plot). additionally, age confirmation this ep that TK is 26.

maybe we can get more of Judd's family or extended family in s5 (and bonding with Wyatt since he's never met them)

1x10

The concept of this episode is so good (Solar Storm)! That opening kind of hits! × the way you don't really know what's going on and there's all these mishappenings on the street ❤️

"Paul did it." damn Mateo wastes no time accussing his big bro <3

This episode is a very slow in a good way; I like the pacing, so far!

The airplane power line rescue where Owen jumps out last minute-"I give you a 2 for style and 10 for timing." Judd dgaf throwing digs at the 126, including his cap all the time (I never noticed how much). [+ his rocky relationship start w/Owen that quickly turns to Judd calling him out as soon as he does is wild, because it's towards his boss]. it's been the whole season! <3

I know it's disputed for if it was planned all along for what we find out in s4, but Iris mentions Carlos here in a familial manner like she was closer with him than Michelle.

The astronaut 😭! don't know if it's my favorite s1 call, but it's definitely up there (i take it back-very likely it might be my favorite call of season one!) <3

Don't mind me I'm just emotional abt TK's journey this season capping off with him opening up to the crew abt something so personal as his addiction. This trust is where the Catan hangs were born.

[zahri-melitor]

Ooh, the Dickpoll. Dick like Tim is cursed with having a bunch of acceptable writers who also tend to have a huge gaping flaw.

Marv Wolfman: can I get spicy here? I don't really like Wolfman. Yes yes, foundational to creating Nightwing, he IS NTT - but I don't particularly enjoy NTT. I like the OTT lineup. He's also dealing with the fact a lot of his content is now 30-40 years old. Plus, when they DID give him a Nightwing run, it was the most retrospective thing ignoring almost everything that had happened to Dick since he was returned to the Bat office in 1993-1994.

Chuck Dixon: I don't think Chuck is Dick's best writer. I think he is way too heavy handed with the 'be my own man, Bruce' narrative most of the time. Despite this he also wrote Robin #13, and Dick and Bruce's conversation there, especially "That's the way it is between fathers and sons" is peak perfect Bruce and Dick. He set up pretty much everything about what is now treated by the fandom as Nightwing's 'default' situation - Blüdhaven and a good chunk of the associated rogues gallery. Also he's the architect of well-written Dick/Babs so I love him for that.

Devin Grayson: Devin shouldn't actually be allowed to write Dick as his primary writer because she loves him too much and has elaborate headcanons that contradict what other writers have written. That said, she's actually a solid writer and her runs tend to be much better when she's got other characters around to spread her attention between. She wrote Transference in Gotham Knights, after all! She wrote "Like Riding a Bike" about Dick and Donna in Batman Chronicles! Also as I've said before, part of the issue with her Nightwing run is she got royally screwed over by War Games and then Nightwing Year One right as she was trying to land the bleakest part of a whump run, and never recovered from it.

Jay Faerber: he's...fine? I think the only bit anyone seriously cares about is the Who is Donna Troy storyline.

Judd Winick: Oooh Winick. He likes writing Dick more broken than I enjoy Dick. Also I hold a grudge against him for his Batman & Robin story, when I was desperately hoping someone other than Tomasi would write bearable Dick and Damian interactions in their own title and instead we got a random Jason Todd story.

Peter Tomasi: Tomasi's run on Nightwing, particularly Freefall, has the best understanding of Dick as a character that anyone has ever written in a book titled 'Nightwing'. Fight me. Also he had the only good run on Batman & Robin 2009, a truly cursed book, blighted only by the fact nobody stopped to check basic facts about Aaron Langstrom.

Grant Morrison: uh. um. I guess Morrison was in the loop for the Dick and Tim storyline in Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul, even though pretty much all of it happened in books they weren't writing? Bottom of my list. Seriously, Paul Dini's Streets of Gotham did most of the heavy lifting initially with making Reborn Batman!Dick appealing.

Scott Snyder: Dick's characterisation in both The Black Mirror and Gates of Gotham is actually really good! He brought some really good 'team leader Dick Grayson' energy to the Batfam during a period they needed it, and he gave us back Dick and Cass having a functional relationship together.

Anyone I think was overlooked here? Hmmm. Not notably, but I'll shout out Scott Beatty, whose Dick in his Gotham Knights run was always consistently entertaining, and who collabed with Dixon for a bunch of things I think have great Dick in them (Joker's Last Laugh, Batgirl Year One, Robin Year One).

[chenlopez]

Okay inspired by this post I want to brainstorm some s5 plot ideas/wishes for our characters

TK: I would love to see him advance in his EMT training and credentials, perhaps be mentored by Tommy to be on a track to some day be a captain too. I think it would be great for him to have a less emotionally heavy storyline and do something for himself, do something that will be fulfilling and he gets to work hard at.

Carlos: we are definitely going to get a conclusion to who killed his father, which will lead into detective Reyes arc and I want that!! But I also want to see his bond with Andrea expand. She has regrets from the past and Carlos has grief and unresolved issues with his past too. I would love to see them become stronger than ever in their mother son bond. And I would also love to see Carlos leaning on Owen for fatherly support too.

Owen: Owen has come so far since season one. He’s lost another brother but this time he was prepared for that in a way. So I’d like to see him continue on that path he’s on which is staying outta trouble and talking to his son. I want to see more Strand men bonding and him spending time with his best friend, and his second son/roommate. I want him to be a mentor to Carlos and the 126 crew as we saw him doing a lot in season 4. I want him to move on from Kendra and find someone who is actually right for him. And maybe even a visit from Lorraine who I am so curious about sjjs

Nancy: the only character who didn’t get her own storyline in season 4. I feel like we hardly know her compared to everyone else. I want to learn more about her sister and the rest of her family. I want to explore her relationship with Mateo more now that they’ll be heading into their second year of being together. Will they move into their own place? Will things get super serious? I need more Nancy and I need it asap.

Paul: we finally started to touch on some of his past and some unresolved feelings he’s held in for so long about his pre transition years. I want to see more of his relationship with Asha. We really skipped a few chapters there with them in season 4. I would also really love to get a storyline of him where he isn’t getting hurt, or helping someone else. I want him to use his “gift” of seeing things to help someone on his own accord. Maybe someone they meet on a call. Idk just something really different for him that isn’t relationship drama or pain!

Marjan: Everything we got from Marjan in season 4 was amazing. I would love more of that. I want to see more of her new romance and how it’s blossomed. I love their chemistry!! The casting decision was the best thing ever and seeing her all giggly and in her feels is so sweet. I want more rescues where she gets to show off her fearlessness and her skills. And I would really love to see more double dates occur but actually on screen

Iris: she may not be a series regular but I need her to be part of catan nights. Now we have Asha coming there’s an odd number let’s bring Iris around she gets along with everyone. But no seriously seeing her at the wedding for the first time we ever got to see her actually have a fun time. I want her and Tarlos to be besties and for Iris and TK to team up on Carlos cos they both know him so well and care so much so they also know how to tease the hell out of him too. Oh and I need a scene of her and Andrea pls

Mateo: Similar to Nancy where I want to see more of his personal life and I know we learnt about him and Marvin; but we also got introduced to Gabriela his other cousin, and his aunt and uncle. I want to know more about his parents too who we never got to meet in the sitcom dream. And I really love seeing him on calls too. Season 4 didn’t give him much opportuny to shine like season 2 and 3 had done. So that would be great to bring back.

Judd: We know he is going to have a big storyline with his new family situation now that Wyatt needs regular and constant care. I know he will be a fire fighter again but I want to see the change in his life. I want more family scenes. I want to see if this will strain him and Grace’s relationship cos they’ve been so solid this whole time since he went to therapy in s1. So is this going to change that? Will we see some struggles in the Ryder marriage? Not that I want to see that but it would definitely be an interesting shift and one I would love them to explore so long as it gets resolved sjsj

Tommy: okay Pastor Trevor was hinting at wanting to get hitched at some point. So will we see an engagement at some point? Will Tommy’s sex dream come to life at some points? And what I’d really like is to see the couple move in together and see if that affects the three girls! I wanna see domestic tommytrevor and that relationship bloom!! She deserves it. And I also want Tommy and Andrea to have a bond. I would love to have some kind of relationship there because I believe that’s why Owen introduced them. Whether it was his idea or hers. That meant something.

Grace: Like I already touched on in Judd’s blurb I want to know how Wyatt’s condition affects the family. I want to know if that extra financial strain will come into play. And I want to see her and her sisters again. I know that was probably meant to just be a special moment for the three irl sisters but I would love to meet them properly at some point. Same with Judd’s brothers!!

[thequiver]

can you elaborate on how you see dinah’s relationships with ollie and his kids?

I think that Dinah and Ollie’s relationship is incredibly toxic for both of them and that they’re fundamentally incompatible. Ollie had avoidance issues, struggles with communication, is low empathy, and can be patronizing. And Dinah often belittles him, has a long history of hitting him, has victim blamed him for his being sexually assaulted, and has accused him of sleeping with Mia.

As far as Dinah’s relationship with the kids I think it’s an insult to Dinah’s character to try to force her into a maternal role given that she has canonically across multiple writers expressed a desire NOT to be a mom and feelings of discomfort with the idea of her being a mom. It’s also kind of baffling to look at Dinah’s canonical relationship with the kids and ascribe a maternal role to it when frankly that just doesn’t match with the canon.

Dinah’s relationship with Roy more closely reads as that of an older sister or simply a close friend than anything maternal, and we see that dynamic shown in Snowbirds, as well as later in the Arsenal mini, and in Green Arrow (2001). And while it’s not impossible for a maternal bond to occur between two adults, I do think it’s a bit suspicious to ascribe a maternal bond between two people when the supposed maternal one has cited Ollie loving his son (Roy) as part of her reasons for breaking up with him. It just doesn’t exactly scream “maternal” to me.

Connor already HAS a mother who is far too often completely erased in Green Arrow fanon to be replaced by Dinah as the idea of a mother, and frankly that’s just nonsensical. Dinah doesn’t express maternal feelings for Connor- they meet as equals when he is delivering to her the news of his father’s death and she gives him the Howard Hill bow. Connor certainly does not view her as a mother seeing as he already has one that he loves very much and who loves him.

Mia and Dinah’s relationship is initially based on Dinah’s jealousy of Mia and her accusing Ollie of sleeping with Mia, which then inspires Mia’s worry that Dinah doesn’t want her around. Much of any supposed bonding that happens for them occurs off page and so much of it comes out of left field and makes no sense with prior character interactions. Dinah does refer to Mia as her daughter, exactly once, in Judd Winick’s notoriously ooc writing that occurs AFTER Dinah and Ollie have gotten married but frankly that’s hardly representative of their relationship. Dinah is more akin to a mentor or to an idea of femininity/womanhood that Mia aspires to than any sort of maternal figure.

Similarly to Connor, Emiko ALSO already has a mother who she loves and who loves her so much. And much like Moonday, Shado is ALSO often erased in Green Arrow fanon to be replaced with Dinah. We also don’t see Dinah and Emiko interact hardly at all- and when we do see them interacting it is decidedly a more sisterly bond or much like with Mia, Dinah as an idea of womanhood that Emiko aspires to rather than a maternal bond.

This is not to say that Dinah doesn’t care about Ollie or his kids, the text is absolutely clear that she does. But rather to actually look at the TEXT and address the canon rather than relying on half baked fanon ideas that show a lack of knowledge about both Dinah and the kids.

So uh: TLDR: I stand where the canon does.

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1: LONE STAR REACTION (SEASON 1 REVISITED)

This reaction is for season 1, series premiere episode "Pilot" which originally aired January 19, 2020. The episode was written by Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Tim Minnear and directed by Bradley Buecker. Spoilers ahead!

9-1-1: Lone Star is one of many shows I started watching during the pandemic. As a fan of Ryan Murphy, I'd known about 9-1-1 with American Horror Story alums Angela Bassett and Connie Britton as well Peter Krause from Six Feet Under but I never felt compelled to watch the show. When I heard news of its spinoff series, Lone Star, what initially drew me in was Rob Lowe, one of my fave television actors. I waited for the first season to air before I started the show and after watching episode one, I was hooked! I immediately fell in love with the story of an all-male 126 in Austin, TX being wiped out (mostly) and two city slickers coming down south to reboot the team. I also fell in love with the characters, especially the father/son duo of Captain Owen Strand (Rob Lowe) and TK Strand (Ronen Rubinstein). I also loved the settling of Austin which is something we rarely see in television and film. 

My mom and I often joke about how we don't like rewatching any of the season episodes because Michelle Blake (Liv Tyler) is such a buzzkill. I finally convinced her to restart the series from the very beginning (not season 2) and last night I fell in love with Lone Star all over again. I totally forgot how amazing this show was from moment one. I also forgot that like its predecessor, the first season of Lone Star is much darker in tone than its subsequent seasons. Another thing I failed to recall is just how complex and likable these characters are. In the first episode alone we are dealing with the grief of losing an entire fire department, an overdose, a cancer diagnosis, and a missing relative. Whew! That's a lot! But the show does an amazing job of taking all of these serious things and injecting some humor into them.

Since I'm revisiting Lone Star in its first season, I thought it would be fun to react to these episodes. Unlike my current reactions, these will not be a recap of the episode. My goal is to comment on what I believe are the five most notable parts of the episode. So, let's start at the very beginning because I've heard it's a very good place to start! Let's talk about - PILOT.

THE END OF THE 126 Our first scene of the episode is easily the saddest moment of the entire series thus far. We see the all-male 126, including Judd (Jim Parrack) responding to a fire at a warehouse. When they arrive on the scene. Judd instructs the crew on where to go. He receives a call from 9-1-1 dispatch Grace Ryder (Sierra McClain) who is also his wife alerting him to all of the fertilizer inside the warehouse. Before Judd has a chance to alert his buddies, the entire place explodes killing all of the 126 except for Judd.

Having Judd as the lone survivor of the explosion is a great way to jumpstart this series. We get to see his journey as he grapples with an immense amount of grief while also dealing with all of the new changes at the 126. I often joke that Lone Star, at times, feels like X-Men: First Class. If Owen Strand is Professor X, leader of the new 126, then Judd is a mixture of Scott Summers (Cyclops) , Professor Xavier's second-in-command, and Logan (Wolverine) who is resentful of Owen and his presence at the 126. Perhaps the most touching moment of the episode is when Judd sees the photos of his fallen 126 brothers. All along he thought that Owen was coming in changing the firehouse with little regard for the men who served there prior. Judd breaks down in the middle of the firehouse and Owen asks the others to leave so Judd can have time to grieve openly. Finally the last bit of Judd's resolve melts and he decides to rejoin the 126.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON One of my favorite relationships on Lone Star is the relationship between Captain Owen Strand and his son, TK Strand. These two are very close and even work in the same firehouse. I love how TK's being gay is such a non-issue for both Owen and the show. TK is openly gay, he's in a serious relationship, and while Owen isn't exactly thrilled about him wanting to propose to his boyfriend, he supports his decision to do so. 

When TK learns his boyfriend is in love with someone else, it crushes him. It is then we learn that TK is a recovering addict and the rejection is enough for him to break his sobriety. Owen ends up finding TK before it's too late but it's all the encouragement the older Strand needs to leave New York City and start anew with TK at his side.

TK isn't the only Strand dealing with something big. Right before their big move to Austin, Owen is diagnosed with lung cancer, a result of his being at the Twin Towers on September 11th. I think it's interesting that Owen demands that TK be transparent at all times about his sobriety, or lack thereof, but Owen decides to keep his diagnosis a secret. 

126: NEXT CLASS Part of the agreement of relocating to Austin to restart the 126 is that Owen will diversify the team. One of the major complaints I have seen regarding Lone Star is that it's *too woke* and it's *diversity for diversity's sake*. I like that the show is self-aware enough to have Owen point this out. Ultimately when assembling a team of first responders you want the best of the best and you wouldn't want to hire someone based on their race or sexuality or gender identity when there are more qualified candidates. What the show does right is it gives viewers a valid reason for the inclusion of the new firefighters. Marjan Marwani (Natacha Karam), a proud Muslim woman) is a bit of a wild card but she is good at the job and doesn't mind inserting herself in dangerous situations. So is Paul Strickland (Brian Michael Smith) who is easily one of the smartest on the team. He just so happens to be a trans man. The only head-scratcher is Mateo Chavez (Julian Works) who has failed the firefighter's exam multiple times but his work ethic is unparalleled and Owen clearly sees untapped potential in the young firefighter. I do find it interesting that viewers of the show have poked fun at the *wokeness* of the show but I rarely if ever hear similar critiques about the OG series whose 118 boasts a black lesbian, an Asian immigrant, and a Latino. If the argument is that they don't make a big deal out of the diversity of the 118 then that's not true. Hen's sexuality and race plays a big part in the show. As does Chimney's being Asian and Eddie's being half-Mexican. Anywho, whether you love or hate them, the new hires are a breath of fresh air and along with Owen, TK, and Judd they make an incredible team. 

WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IRIS So, I know I said I would be addressing the most notable parts of the episode and while Iris Blake (Liv Tyler) is not my favorite character on the show, I do think her inclusion on the show is important. Iris is the paramedic captain and her team consists of Tim Rosewater (Mark Elias) and Nancy Gillian (Briana Baker). As a fan of the OG series, the 118 is one big team. There's the firefighters and the paramedics. They ride in the same truck unless they need to have an ambulance at the scene. They're all super close. On Lone Star, Iris is the first to point out that the firefighters and paramedics are separate units. This easily added an interesting dynamic to the show. Instead of having one captain, there are two and I like that Owen wasn't an asshole about it. 

The reason Iris is such a meh character to me is there's zero joy about her. I get it though! Her sister is missing and she is justifiably upset and in agony over her disappearance. With that said, everytime Iris walks on screen it's like there's this dark cloud over her. She's the Eeyore of the 126 and it makes her unlikable. I do like that they fixed something that was an issue in the OG series' first season which is making sure all of our main characters are tethered to each other in some way. It appears her and Carlos Reyes (Rafael L. Silva) are friends so when he starts showing up places it doesn't seem random.

Overall, I like Liv Tyler. I think she is a competent actress. I just don't think she was a great addition to this show. As mentioned before, she is the reason I find it difficult to watch the first season which is a shame because season one is so good! One thing I will say about Iris that is positive is I like that she is a crusader for the less fortunate.

THE GENESIS OF TARLOS Perhaps the most notable part of the episode is we get to see the beginnings of one of the most iconic duos in all of cable TV. If you go on any 9-1-1: Lone Star Reddit post or scroll through your Tumblr feed long enough, eventually you're going to encounter Tarlos. Tarlos is Lone Star's equivalent of Buddie; only these characters are actually gay and it totally makes sense for them to be romantically-involved. Sorry, Buddie shippers! Alas, I'm getting ahead of myself. 

I totally forgot that Tarlos actually happens in the pilot episode. The first interaction we see of TK and Carlos is at the scene of an accident. Carlos makes a comment about Owen and TK tells him that's his dad. We then see them at the honkytonk at the end of the episode and Carlos asks TK to dance. The chemistry between these two are evident from the start and it blows my mind that they have pretty much been together since day one. 

All in all, this was a great way to introduce these new characters. I immediately liked everyone and everyone has a clear motivation. One character I didn't really get to speak about because she didn't really factor into any of the major storylines is Grace Ryder. Grace Ryder, hands down, is one of my favorite characters on the show and I can't wait to talk about her more in future reactions. I love her and Judd together. I love how level-headed she is and at times she seems like she's the only one who can get through to him. Like Tarlos, these two have been together since the very beginning and it's going to be fun seeing how we get to where we are currently with them. The same goes with all of our other characters. 

So, to all my passengers,  I ask that you buckle up because it's sure to be a bumpy ride. The real question is, will season one hold up to the memory I have of watching it the first go round or will I walk away loving it even more? Only time will tell! Only next time ...

[ramblingdisaster73]

Season 3 Character Highlight - 3 Things

Character: TK Strand

Favorite 3 scenes:

3x18 “A Bright and Cloudless Morning”: The proposal was beyond anything I could have come up with. It was absolutely perfect and I wouldn’t change a single second of it. The way his smile didn’t leave his face, the way he never doubted the way Carlos would answer.

3x15 “Clown Down”: I love all of the Tarlos scenes in this episode, but my favorite TK moment is when he realizes that Lou has escaped so he tries to distract Carlos, nearly successful until the Lizard decided he wanted to be on Carlos too.

3x08 “In the Unlikely Event of an Emergency”: It’s hard to pinpoint one scene to highlight, but the scene with Gwyn on the plane, after drinking in the bathroom and then when he grabs onto her hand in the “Amen” montage. My second choice would be the scenes with Carlos, both at the loft and on the tarmac.

Favorite 3 lines: funny, heartfelt, or ridiculous

3x08 “In the unlikely Event of an Emergency”: “I have to stay here, mom. They need me. Plus, look at me, I'm fine. I'm a firefighter, mom. I save lives.”

3x12 “Negative Space”: “He’s stalking a stalker and he brought a date” & “At least our fire insurance is up to date since last time he pissed off a maniac our entire place burned to the ground.”

3x18 “A Bright and Cloudless Morning”: “It’s not drama, it’s love. The kind that you can’t get away from.” The whole scene was amazing, but this part, the part where TK acknowledges that the love they share is something that is meant to be. “The love that I feel is infinitely more powerful than the fear of losing it” is a very close runner up.

Favorite 3 dynamics:

Carlos: The connection between these 2 was clear from the beginning, but has surpassed any expectations I could have had. They balance each other out, they love freely, they make each other better. We got lucky with the casting in this show.

Nancy: Nancy is the sister he never had, never knew he wanted, but now doesn’t know what he would so without. She is the #Tarlos Fan. She calls him on his shit, which is needed, but also shows that she pays attention to what he doesn’t say as much as what he does – ex: getting Carlos to the hospital at the end of 3x02.

Fire Fam: The relationships he has formed with Paul, Marjan, and Mateo is very different than the one he has with Judd, but equally important. The will scene in the firehouse is a great representation of his relationships with Marjan, Paul, Mateo, & Nancy. Judd is more of a older brother he never had, someone that he actually looks up to, but also trusts to not let TK’s head get too big/keep him rooted in reality.

3 things we learned:

Name:  We learned that the Tyler portion of his name came from an uncle that died as a child. This makes me way more curious on the Kennedy middle name now.

History:  We learned that his drug addiction was more than just opioid pills, but heroin as well & that Gwyn made him go to a rehab in California in 2017, which was more recent than I had thought it was.

How much like his parents he really is:  He is very used to self-sabotage (just like Owen) and tends to blow things up & run (Both Owen & Gwyn here). The difference is, now, TK wants to be different, he wants to stop running.

3 hopes for season 4:

Less trauma for one season – I know this one is a long shot, but really give the guy a break. NO hospital beds for 1 season, that is all I ask (but don’t expect – they seem to love hurting him)

A worry-free wedding – Lets save the drama for the honeymoon or their return. Let the actual wedding go off without a hitch.

Healing in his relationship with Owen – Owen has a pretty decent relationship with everyone, apart from his son. Season 1 – they were great, season 2 – he reminded me so much of my own father, I hated him (with a few exceptions), Season 3 was an improvement, but they didn’t have a scene of just the 2 of them from 3x08 until 3x18.

Next up: Carlos Reyes

[beautifulhigh]

Work in Progress Wednesday

I have rewritten a good chunk of this fic to make that AMAZING proposal part of the canon. Because I could never hope to write something as perfect for them as what we got to see.

No, of course I’m not over it. How do you expect me to be over TK talking about how “every moment we’re not married is a moment wasted. And baby, we only get so many”?

So have a scene I’ve probably posted before but now Grace and Carlos get to talk about the engagement so...

===

"Anyway, Judd's set up this savings account for Wyatt, pays into it each month. He's tryin' to make up for all the time he's missed. Won't be a college fund or anything but it'll maybe buy a car or a trip if he wants."

"You're paying in too?" Carlos asked.

Grace shrugged as they took a single step forward. "He's Judd's family so he's my family."

"You're good people."

"We're tryin'," she smiled. "Didn't reckon on having a teenager in my home this soon though. We love havin' him over and it's great that he gets a chance to build a proper relationship with Judd, but between that and Charlie's teething it just feels like a lot, you know?"

"Not really," Carlos smiled.

"Well it is. She's amazing but there are times when I just think about everything that we've been through and what's coming and I pray for the strength to get through it. I have no idea how my mama did this more than once." She stopped and threw a look over at Carlos. "Sorry. I'm rambling."

"No, it's fine," he said. "You ramble away. Ask me, all mothers are amazing for what they go through."

"You're a good son," she laughed, "your momma raised you right."

"She'd be pleased to hear that," Carlos laughed too.

"You ever think about it? Kids I mean," Grace asked before shaking her head. "Sorry. Not my place, forget I asked."

"Yeah," Carlos said. "I've thought about it. Not talked about it yet, we're working our way there though. We're a bit more focused on wedding prep at the moment."

"You are? Or your mom?"

"Both," Carlos laughed. "I don't think I've ever seen her so excited about a wedding which would normally upset my sisters but they're just going on about finding the right dresses to match the colour scheme."

"Well it's important."

"So I'm learning," Carlos laughed. "But I'm excited for it. We're planning a proper family wedding, very kid friendly so the invite will be for the whole family."

"That doesn't surprise me one bit," Grace said. "You're both big family boys." She smiled softly and put one of her hands over his. "You'll be amazing dads. Charlie adores you."

"We love her."

"I'll remember that next time I need a babysitter."

"Do, please," Carlos said. "I think it helps TK, you know? He doesn't get to spend much time one-on-one with Jonah, video calls aren't quite the same. So spending time with Charlie means—"

"He's getting baby practice in, I get it. And maybe not just for his brother?"

"One step at a time, Grace."

"Fine, I'll stop," she said, holding her hands up in mock defeat. "You've heard my reason why I'm stuck in a bank queue on my day off, why do you need to close your account today?"

"That one step," Carlos said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked the screen and loaded up a webpage, showing the image to her. "I'm picking it up this afternoon."

"Carlos!" Grace exclaimed. "It's beautiful. He'll love it."

"I know," Carlos said.

"Well I hope he gets you a good ring too. Or do you buy them both? I'm sorry, is that insensitive?"

"It's fine, Grace," Carlos laughed. "I haven't got that far."

"Still cannot believe y'all celebrated without us."

"We threw a party the following week!" Carlos protested. "Got everyone over, proper catering—"

"Yeah, yeah," she mocked, "sure your mama didn't mind waiting to find out her baby was getting married until you'd told the 126." She watched his lips curl into his mouth and realised what he was trying to hide. "You called her first, right?"

"I would like to live to actually marry him," Carlos pointed out.

[scorpionyx9621]

Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

[detective-giggles]

Proposal Prep

5 times Carlos asks for permission to marry TK and the time he finally asks TK.

My second Tarlos fic, in a convenient 5+1 format!

Thank you to the wonderful Sarah for the beta, and thank you to Jae and Rae for cheerleading this fic (when I was starting and when I switched courses halfway through!)

Word count: 3264

***

1. Judd + Grace

“Are you sure I can’t help with anything?” Grace offered, watching intently as Carlos added the finishing touches to their dinner.

Carlos looked up owlishly. “No, it’s okay, thanks.  Actually, it’s all ready. If you guys want to have a seat, I’ll finish bringing it all over.” He slipped on an oven mitt and paused, watching as Judd pulled out the chair for Grace and kissed her softly on the cheek before taking his own seat next to his wife.

“We waitin’ on TK?” Judd asked, noticing the table was missing a setting.

“Uh, no. He’s on shift until tomorrow morning.” Carlos forced a smile as he placed the serving platter in the middle of the table.  He was nervous, although he knew that was ridiculous. He’d been hanging out with the 126 since he and TK became a couple, and everyone had always supported their relationship. “But I wanted to talk to you guys about TK. About us.” He added, dishing up a large serving on each plate in lieu of making eye contact with his guests.

Grace took a small sip of her wine and exchanged glances with her husband. “So you thought you’d wine and dine the old married couple for relationship advice?”

Carlos’ eyes widened. “What? No! Of course not! I don’t need- I mean, we’re good. TK and I, we’re really good.” He took a large drink from his own glass before continuing. “In fact, I’m going to ask TK to marry me?”

He watched as Judd attempted to look surprised and Grace, usually always composed, let out the tiniest squeal.

“You done?” Judd huffed a laugh at his wife’s reaction and shook his head, turning back towards Carlos. “Well, are you askin’ us? Or tellin’ us?” he asked, sounding unimpressed.

“Judd!” Grace chastised.

“What? I ain’t said nothin’.”

“Um, asking,” Carlos piped up. He hesitated when both sets of eyes turned towards him and Grace cocked her head to the side. “Officially. I know I could just ask Owen, but that doesn’t seem right. You guys are all family.”

Judd nodded slowly, and Carlos let out a sigh of relief when a large grin spread across Judd’s face. “Hell yes! You two are always acting like lovesick fools. It’s about damn time!”

“Thanks, Judd.”

“Oh, on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You don’t ask me to be in it.”

Carlos and Grace laughed. “I think we can honor that,” Carlos promised. “But I will need your help if you’re up for it. I want to talk to Tommy and Nancy tomorrow morning. And obviously I’ll need someone to distract TK.”

“Hmmm. I’ll think of something.”

2. Tommy + Nancy

“Hey, Carlos.” Tommy smiled warmly as Carlos slipped into the fire station.  He had a drink carrier in one hand, and he gave a small wave with the other.

“Carlos!” Nancy popped her head out of the ambulance, her hands full of supplies. “You just missed your boy. Judd just pulled him out of here!” 

“Yeah, that was intentional.” Carlos explained as he held the carrier out in offering. Tommy and Nancy each eagerly grabbed a cup and Carlos took the remaining cup and tossed the carrier in the bin.

“Okay, what’s going on, Reyes?” Tommy asked, sipping at the warm coffee. “This looks like a bribe.”

“I would just like to make it clear, that I’m okay with a caffeine-filled bribe. Especially at the end of a 24-hour shift.” Nancy piped up.

“Can we all talk? Maybe somewhere a little more discreet than your office?” Carlos tucked his hand into the pocket of his jeans and looked around furtively.

“Sure.” Tommy’s face turned from amusement to concern. She led the way upstairs, to the bunkroom the paramedics used on their overnights. It was smaller than the one on the firefighter side, but it was cozier. (Not that Carlos had snuck in there a time or two with TK or anything.)

Tommy and Nancy dropped into a bunk and Carlos slowly sat onto the one across from them.

“What’s up?” Nancy asked, eyeing Carlos carefully.

“So, TK and I have been together for a while and things are… well, kind of amazing. I still don’t know how we were lucky enough to find each other but I am so grateful for every day we have had together, and I want to make sure that we have many more of them.” Carlos looked around and then leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Tommy, Nancy… I want to ask TK to marry me. And I want to know that you guys would be okay with it.”

“Carlos…”

“I know I don’t have to ask, but if I’m going to do this, I want to do it right. And you guys are family.”

“Dude, you can’t make me ugly cry this early in the morning! That’s like, the sweetest thing.”

“So they’re happy tears?”

Nancy wrinkled her nose and sniffled before nodding. “Can I give you a hug?” Carlos nodded and Nancy joined him on the bunk, wrapping her arms around him.  “I’m going to speak for us both,” Nancy began, “You have been so good for TK. He’s so…happy. When he’s with you, he knows he’s safe. We know he’s safe.”

“You know, Austin really isn’t that dangerous of a town.” Carlos chuckled softly at his lame joke.

“You know what she means. We know you’re not going to break his heart.” Tommy smiled.

Carlos took a moment to look both women in the eye. “I won’t. I promise.”

3. Gwyn

“Gwyneth Morgan speaking.”

Carlos took a deep breath, “Hey! Gwyn!  It’s Carlos.”

“Carlos?”

“Yes. Carlos… Reyes… Um, TK’s Carlos.”

He heard Gwyn’s flustered chuckle and a screech- courtesy of TK’s baby brother. Carlos winced, he had forgotten about the baby- and the slight time difference. “Right, Carlos! I’m sorry, it’s bedtime and a zoo around here.” There was a slight pause and a sigh. “What happened? Who’s hurt?”

“What? No! No, no. Everyone’s fine! TK and Owen are both- I’m sorry, Gwyn, I didn’t mean to worry you. They’re both fine.” Carlos groaned softly when he remembered part of the reason he had met Gwyn was after TK had been seriously injured. Admittedly, it was weird to be contacted out of the blue by your son’s boyfriend, he didn’t blame her for being worried.

“Good. I’m glad to hear that.”

Carlos paused and the awkward silence made his stomach flip. “So, I wanted to talk to you about something.” He stood, pacing back and forth in his living room.

“Okay…”

“You know, you’ve raised a good son. TK is smart, he’s funny, he has a gentle soul. He’s amazing. I honestly thought someone like TK only existed in my dreams.  Now that I have him, I know I don’t want to let him go.  Gwyn, I want to ask TK to marry me, and I want your blessing.”

“Oh… That is not what I was expecting. I, uh, have you talked to Owen yet?”

“No, not yet. I will, I just haven’t had the chance.”

Gwyn sighed. “Look, Carlos. I like you; I really do.  I have seen you two together, and I think you’re good for him.  You’re a good influence on my son. He has grown up a lot since he’s been in Austin, and I know that at least some of that is because of you.”

“But?”

“I just- he’s my son and I love him more than anything. Even when he makes it difficult. I need to know that you’ll do the same. You say you love him when he’s at his best. But I need to know you’ll love him at his worst.”

“Gwyn, I promise. TK is important to me, and so is his sobriety.  I will continue to support him in any way that I can. I believe in him. And I don’t want him to fall- but I assure you, if he does, I will always be there to catch him.”

“I know you will. And yes, Carlos, I would be honored to have you as a son-in-law.”

4. Marjan, Paul, & Mateo

“Alright! Here you go.” Carlos set a tray full of tacos on the table in front of the remaining members of TK’s firefam.  He wasn’t as nervous as he had been before talking with Judd and Grace, but Mateo was eyeing him suspiciously and that was putting him a little on edge.

Everyone grabbed a taco and ate in silence for a minute. Everyone except for Mateo, that is.

“Ohhh, these are delicious!” Paul grabbed another taco. “You’re not eating?” he nudged Mateo.

“This is weird. Why are we here?” Mateo asked, crossing his arms, “and where’s TK?”

“We can have lunch with our friend, Mateo, it’s okay.” Marjan paused and set her taco back onto her plate. “But it is a little weird. You two are usually joined at the hip. What’s going on?”

“I wanted to talk to you guys. About me,” he shrugged, “and TK.

“I knew it. There’s something going on. You’ve been acting weird.” Mateo accused.

“I have not!”

“You have been acting a little weird.” Paul confirmed.

“You’re breaking up, aren’t you?”

“What? No! Mateo, we’re not breaking up.”

“Yes. This is exactly what happens when parents get divorced, and then the kids have to decide who they’re gonna live with and who they’re gonna spend holidays with.” Mateo crossed his arms and leaned on the table. “Well, I’m sorry Carlos, but TK is like a brother to me. If you dump him, you’re gonna lose us all. Right, guys?”

Marjan sighed and wrinkled her nose. “Are you done?” she asked Mateo. Turning to Carlos she shrugged, “But he has a point.”

“No! That’s not- I didn’t bring you here for that, I swear!” Carlos looked at each of them in turn and he had to bite back a smile. As obnoxious as this was becoming, it made his heart happy to hear how fiercely they were willing to protect TK. He glanced back at Paul.  Paul hadn’t taken his eyes off Carlos, watching his reactions very carefully.

“They’re not breaking up.” Paul piped up.

“Thank you!”

“They’re getting married!” He added slowly.

Carlos nodded. “I’ve known you for years and it’s still creepy when you do that.”

“What? You proposed and didn’t tell us?” Marjan pouted.

“No! Not yet! But that’s why I brought you here. To tell you. Well, to ask you. TK is your family, you all just proved it. So, I’m asking your permission to ask TK to marry me.”

Paul cocked his head to the side. “Huh. I didn’t see that coming.”

“Oooh something you couldn’t predict?” Marjan teased before turning back to Carlos.  “You’re really asking us?”

“I am.”

“Hmmm.”

“Hmmm? What kind of answer is that?” Paul asked. “You know what? Yes. Carlos, yes. What you two share is beautiful and I, for one, can not stand between that.”

“Thanks, Paul.” They both looked at Marjan and Mateo expectantly.

After a few long moments, Marjan let out a whoop. “Carlos, Paul’s right, we can’t say no.  We’ve seen you two together and you two are already way too much like a married couple. Just make it official, please.”

“Thanks, Marj. Mateo? Thoughts?”

“Yeah, that’d be cool, I guess.”

“Way to sound excited.” Marjan gave him a little nudge. “What’s up?”

“Are you guys gonna have kids and forget about us?”

“What kind of question is that?” Paul rolled his eyes.

“No. I mean, yes, we’ve talked about kids, Mateo. But it’s not something we’d do right away. And we’ll still be around to hang out with you guys. We won’t abandon the 126.”

 “Promise?”

“I promise.”

Mateo nodded. “Alright. Go ahead.”

5. Owen

“Hey, Carlos! Come in. You didn’t have to knock, you used to live here. Don’t you still have a key?” Owen said as he pulled open the door and then stepped aside, closing the door once Carlos had moved past him.

“Oh, yeah, I didn’t think about it.”

“Well, come on. Do you want something to drink?” Carlos followed Owen to the kitchen and leaned heavily against the counter.

“No, thanks, Owen. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, but I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure, Carlos. Have a seat. Is everything okay?”

Carlos nodded as he dropped into the chair opposite of Owen. “Yes. Everything’s fine. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, I know you have a shift in a bit, so I’m just going to get to the point.  I’d like to ask your permission to ask TK to marry me.”

“You know, I remember the day TK brought his ex, Alex, home.”

“Sir?” Carlos had heard a few Alex stories, all from TK’s point of view, but he was morbidly curious what the elder Strand thought of TK’s ex.

“We had dinner, takeout from somewhere. Alex was nice, polite. It was relatively un-remarkable.  So he leaves, and TK asks me what I think.”

“You didn’t like him?”

“I didn’t.” Owen confirmed. “Anyway, TK asks what I think, and I tell him.  I tell him that I don’t think Alex is right for him, and honestly, I think he knows it too.  I also tell him that when he finds the right person, he’s gonna know it and he’s not gonna care what I think.”

Carlos nodded slowly. He felt like he knew where Owen’s story was going to go, but really wished Owen would put him out of his misery.

“So, we move here and fast forward to a year or so ago. You two had only been official for a few weeks. It was the night you joined us for dinner at the firehouse before your shift.  TK walks you out and he comes back into the kitchen, and I tell him that I like you. I think you’re a good fit.  And TK, he gives me this shit-eating grin and tells me he’s glad I like you but that he doesn’t care what I think.”

Carlos laughed. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Carlos, he is so happy when he’s with you. I see the way he lights up when you walk into a room. This move to Austin has been healing for him, and I know you’re a large part of that.  I just want what’s best for him, and I’ve seen you enough to know, that’s you.”

“Gwyn pretty much said the same thing.”

“It’s true. But you knew I was going to say yes, right?”

Carlos chuckled, “I had assumed that, yes. But it’s still nice to hear.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Just promise me you two won’t go elope or anything like that. TK’s mother will kill me if she doesn’t get to watch her son get married.”

“I cannot promise that. But no matter where or when, I promise that you and Gwyn will both be invited.”

“Good enough. Thank you, Carlos.”

+1 TK

Carlos hummed to himself as he checked the food he had in the oven. TK would be home any minute and tonight was the night. It had been a week since he’d talked with Owen and the firefam was getting impatient. He fielded at least one text from Nancy every shift after TK would show up sans ring, sometimes Paul and Marjan would join in. Grace had taken over as unofficial wedding planner and occasionally sent him color schemes and venue ideas- and he didn’t know how long he could keep hiding his messages from TK.

His phone beeped and he glanced at it, groaning a little when he saw Nancy’s name flash on the screen.  “Tonight, Nance, I promise! I’m doing it tonight!”

“Um, hey listen, so TK’s okay- he’s fine! But we’re at Austin General.”

Carlos paused and he realized his hands were shaking slightly as he reached out to turn the oven off.  “So when you say fine…”

“He’s fine, I promise! I’m certain he’s going to need a few stitches, but really, on the scale of TK’s injuries, this is nothing to worry about.” Nancy tried to explain. “He’s asking for you.”

“I’m on my way” he promised. Carlos grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

***

“Hey, baby.” Carlos paused at the foot of TK’s bed. His boyfriend looked fine.  There weren’t any obvious injuries, but the fact they hadn’t released him was still causing Carlos a little anxiety.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Nancy stood and gave TK’s arm a little squeeze. She paused as she passed by Carlos. “I think the tie’s a little much,” she whispered, giving the offending silk a playful tug.

“Go on, get out of here.” Carlos made his way to the seat Nancy had vacated.   “Hey, you okay?” Carlos gently smoothed TK’s hair back and kissed the top of his head.

“Yeah.” TK gestured to his leg. “It’s just a few stitches, nothing to worry about. They’re just keeping me overnight to monitor for infection. Um, why are you all dressed up?” TK chewed on his bottom lip. “Did you have something planned?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I didn’t change after Nancy called me. I just came straight here.”

“I’m sorry. I told her to tell you I was fine and not to worry.”

“She did. And I worried anyway.”

TK chuckled, “Carlos, I-”

“TK, the thought of losing you makes me crazy.”

“Ohhh, babe. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” TK reached out and gently caressed Carlos’ cheek. “Which, I know that would sound a lot more comforting if I wasn’t currently in a hospital bed.” Carlos caught TK’s hand and turned his head, pressing a kiss to his palm.

“No, I know. I just- I guess what I was saying is…” Carlos paused, wondering how actually crazy he was to still be considering proposing under the circumstances.  “Marry me, TK, please?”

TK gave Carlos a puzzled look. “Is that really what you were going to do tonight? This isn’t some knee-jerk reaction to this?” he gestured vaguely around the hospital room.

Carlos swallowed hard and nodded, pulling the small, velvet box from his pocket.  “I’ve been planning for weeks. I asked your dad. And Gwyn. And, um, everyone else.”

“Everyone?”

“Judd, Grace, Tommy, Nancy, Paul, Mateo, Marjan… The whole crew.”

“You really did all that for me?” TK’s eyes lit up.

“Yes, and they all said yes faster than you are.  Also, I think Grace has already started making plans, so she’s going to kill you if you don’t say yes.”

“Carlos! Of course the answer is yes!” Carlos leaned in and wrapped his arms around TK, giving him a tight squeeze. TK tipped his head up for a kiss and Carlos obliged, keeping it short and sweet, considering their current location.  Carlos plucked the ring out of the box and slipped it onto his fiancé’s finger.

TK shifted to the side and patted the bed next to him.

“No, TK.”

TK looked up at Carlos, his eyes wide and innocent as he tapped the bed again. “Come sit.”

“You’re gonna get me kicked out of the hospital.” Carlos mumbled as he sat on the edge of the bed. “And then you’ll have to spend your first night engaged alone.” Carlos toed off his shoes and settled himself on the bed, carefully, and TK tucked himself into Carlos’ side.

“Even if we have to spend tonight apart, we’ll have plenty more nights together.”

“A lifetime of them.” Carlos promised.

 **

A/N: This is actually the longest fic I’ve ever written. Random: The bit with Owen is based on a true conversation my husband had with his dad right after he started dating me.

[rangergurlgleek1211]

Why Can't Things Ever Be Simple?

This story was originally for one of my 30 days of Tarlos challenge quotes: “I’m sick of being the one who always makes everyone miserable and worried”

But as usual, the idea kind of ran away from me, a fic which was supposed to be 1000 words ended up being 2500 so I'm gonna try and write another one for that story instead. If I have missed any tags please let me know.

Rating: Not Rated General Audiences Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings Fandoms: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)  Categories: M/M Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand, TK Strand & Paul Strickland, Mateo Chavez & Paul Strickland, Mateo Chavez & TK Strand, Firehouse 126 Crew (9-1-1 Lone Star) & TK Strand, Nancy Gillian & TK Strand & Tommy Vega Characters: TK Strand, Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Owen Strand, Paul Strickland (9-1-1 Lone Star), Tommy Vega (9-1-1 Lone Star), Nancy Gillian (9-1-1 Lone Star), Marjan Marwani, Mateo Chavez (9-1-1 Lone Star), Original Child Character(s),Judd Ryder (9-1-1 Lone Star)

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt TK Strand, TK Strand Whump, Protective Firehouse 126 Crew, Protective Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Minor Injuries, Feels, Mild Language

Summary: Medical Calls should be straightforward and simple. But when Tk is involved that is never the case. The 126, medical and Police are sent in search of two young boys who go missing on a school trip. Simple right, nope not when Tk strand is involved.

Preview

It was calls like today which Tk loved and hated all at once. One minute he was sitting at the station enjoying a cup of tea and breakfast and the next thing they were all rushing out to a scene where two young boys had somehow gotten separated from their school trip while out visiting the Austin woods.

Calls like these worried him most because it was all unknown to them what the outcome was going to be. The woods were vast and there was so much space to cover and so little time. The Austin woods get dangerous at night with so many woodland creatures roaming around from coyotes, foxes, bats, raccoons, possums, skunks, deer, and snakes.

Tk just hopes they can find them in time. Glancing over at Carlos who has joined their group with some other medical units and officers. They smile at each other as they listen to Owen giving instructions. Sending most of the police and non-126 medical team units together.

“I need all hands on deck, we have two lost boys called Chris and Max out in these woods and it is critical we find them as soon as possible. Police and park rangers have already got one group going and we are going to join them. We are splitting up into three groups. Ryder, Marwani, Vega, you head right. Strickland, Strand, Chavez you go left and I will go straight on with Gillian and Reyes who are joining our team for the search. Everyone stay focused, watch your step and stay safe ” Captain Strand explained glancing specifically at Tk and then the rest of his team and future son-in-law. Giving out instructions and making sure to send one medical personnel with each group in case they run into trouble.

They all nodded their heads as they started to walk in the directions they were told. Tk and Carlos heading in their directions glance back at each other. Carlos mouths ‘Stay safe’, Tk saying ‘You too’ as he smiles and turns around following Paul and Mateo.

“So what's the plan,” Mateo asks as they walk through a dense part of the forest.

“Stay together and keep a lookout, that's all we can do, we have our maps as well in case we get lost. Remember the walkie-talkies are the only communication we have so don’t lose it. Danger Magnet Strand I’m aiming that at you” Paul exclaims raising his eyebrows.

TK just glares back at Paul as they continue walking.

Three hours later and they haven’t had any luck. The sun is starting to shine down on them and their all feeling the Austin heat. Captain strand and Captain vegas have all checked in also having zero luck on their searches.

“Guys remember to drink some water” Tk shouts as Paul and Mateo are walking slightly ahead of him as they have all decided to space themselves out within seeing range to search more areas.

They all stop to have something to drink and pause for a moment to catch their breath.

“This is getting ridiculous, someone should have found some kind of clue as to where they could be by now” Tk exclaims.

Read more on A03

[bellakitse]

Take Me Back to the Start

“I thought our fight was going to be our last words to each other,” he whispers, his eyes filling up. “I’m so damn sorry, baby.”

Carlos looks into those green eyes, wet with unshed tears and relief, and frowns. “I’m sorry, but who are you?” he asks and watches with growing dread as those eyes widen with shock and fear.

+

Carlos is in a car accident and forgets the last three and half years of his life.

M | 15.4K | AO3

Everything hurts.

That’s the first real thought Carlos has as he squints up at the lights over his bed through sore eyes. He can’t remember ever aching this much everywhere at once. He’s pretty sure even his hair aches, something he didn’t think was medically possible, but here he is, lying on what he’s sure is a hospital bed, and everything fucking hurts.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he tries to take inventory of the damage. His head is pounding, and when he moves it, he feels a tug over his brow that tells him there is a bandage there. Looking down without trying to lift his head, he catches a glimpse of a soft cast on his left arm from his wrist to his elbow. He tries to sit up to take in the rest of his body, only to let out a hiss when his ribs scream in protest at his sudden movement. Focusing on his breathing, it takes him a second to realize there is someone else in the room with him with their hand on his shoulder, helping him lay back down.

“Hey, hey, hey, slowly, Carlos,” he’s told with a gentle but urgent voice. “You have three cracked ribs from the accident. You can’t be moving like that right now.”

“Accident?” he questions through gritted teeth waiting for the wave of pain to pass. He gets a wince in return for his question.

“You flipped your car,” is the answer he receives. “The roads were wet, and we think an animal crossed your path. You swerved to avoid it, lost control of the Camaro, went off the side of the road, and flipped.”

“Jesus,” he whispers. He clenches his right hand as he tries to recall the accident described to him and comes up empty.

“I really thought I lost you.”

He turns his head at the words, finding beautiful green eyes pained and worried as they stare back at him.

“When I got the call,” he continues, letting out a shaky breath while running an even more trembling hand through his brown hair. “I thought our fight was going to be our last words to each other,” he whispers, his eyes filling up. “I’m so damn sorry, baby.”

Carlos looks into those green eyes, wet with unshed tears and relief, and frowns. “I’m sorry, but who are you?” he asks and watches with growing dread as those eyes widen with shock and fear.

 ֎֎֎

 His retrograde amnesia, the doctors say, is brought on by his head injury during the accident. They have high hopes it’s temporary, but they can’t know for sure.

All they can do is wait, he’s told in hopeful tones, and while he can appreciate the optimism, all that means to Carlos right now is that he’s lost years of his life. He woke up thinking it was 2019, and instead, it’s 2023.

He gets the cliff notes version of the state of the world. Global pandemic in 2020, bad. Trump lost reelection, awesome. Michelle found Iris alive, a miracle. She left town to go help others like her sister, admirable.

The guy with the pretty green eyes sits in the corner of his hospital room silently while Carlos’ parents catch him up on things. Carlos’ eyes stray to him more than once, always finding his gaze on him as he nervously bites down on his lip.

“Do you know who TK is, son?” his father asks softly, turning towards the man in question. His mother has walked over to stand next to this TK, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder as he flinches when Carlos shakes his head, letting them know he doesn’t.

It’s strange and frustrating. It’s evident by the sympathetic looks they give the stranger and how his mother rubs his back that the man is someone they care about. Someone who is connected to Carlos, and no one needs to say out loud how for him to read between the lines.

TK’s broken expression as he stares at him – what he’d said when Carlos first woke up, lets him know what he needs to know. He and TK are involved.

That part isn’t necessarily shocking. His life might be suddenly turned upside down and his memory in shambles, but he has eyes, and TK is breathtakingly beautiful. He imagines that he took one look into those pretty green eyes and lost all thought of anything else.

What’s hard to imagine is a relationship where his parents are obviously well acquainted with someone he’s involved with.

“I don’t remember,” he says softly, feeling horrible at the choked sound TK lets out as he stands up from his chair. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, staring at the man across the room with regret.

“It’s okay,” TK answers with a wobbly smile that fools no one in the room. Finally, he exhales loudly, his eyes straying for the door. “I think I need some air,” he says, already turning on his heel, ignoring Carlos’ parents when they both say his name, leaving them alone in Carlos’ room.

“I’m sorry,” Carlos repeats quietly as the room is left in silence after TK’s abrupt exit.

His mother comes over to him while his father shakes his head at him. “Don’t apologize, mijo,” he says gently. “This isn’t your fault, and no one understands that better than TK. No one blames you for this.”

“He’s hurting,” Carlos points out. He might not remember TK, but the man’s expression hides nothing. On the contrary, his pain has been visible since the moment Carlos first opened his eyes.

“He loves you, Carlitos,” his mother says instead of denying his words. Her expression is achingly sad as she takes his hand, giving it a soft pat. “And he’s scared.”

Carlos doesn’t say out loud he’s scared too. There is a gaping hole in his memory in the shape of a man his mother claims loves him, a man who pulls at him in a way he can’t understand, and Carlos is terrified he’ll never know if he can’t remember him.

 ֎֎֎

 A slew of unfamiliar faces visits him. Paul, Marjan, Nancy, Mateo, Tommy, and TK’s father, Owen. He politely answers when they ask him how he’s doing and apologizes when he has trouble remembering their names. He gets waved off in return as they smile compassionately and tell him they’re just glad he’s okay. That it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know them even though they’re supposedly his friends – they’re just happy he’s alive.

He gets visited by Judd and Grace Ryder, and while he does remember them, it startles him to realize they are his friends now too. He remembers Judd from the 126 and is struck when he’s told the old crew is all gone. He can’t imagine what that must have been like for Judd, and he tells him so.

The tall man gives him a saddened smile that tells Carlos it’s still a pain that lingers. Judd tells him having his new team helps with that grief and how thankful he is that Owen and TK Strand decided to come to Austin years ago to rebuild the firehouse, giving Judd and the others a new family.

He sits up straighter at the mention of TK. He hasn’t seen much of him in the last few days, at least not while he’s awake. The guy is obviously giving Carlos space, but Carlos has caught him more than once at night when he is half-asleep checking in on him.

Carlos has taken to playing possum to not scare him off.

“Is that how we met?” he asks Judd. “Me and TK,” he clears up when Judd gives him a confused squint of his eyes. “Did he and I meet on the job?”

Judd and Grace share a look between each other.

“You really don’t remember anything about him, sweetheart?” Grace asks softly, her eyes pitying when he shakes his head.

“Man, I can’t imagine what that must feel like,” Judd says with a harsh exhale. “Poor kid must be losing his mind without you.”

He must make a face at that because Grace elbows Judd in his side hard in response.

“Not that it’s your fault, man,” Judd rushes to comfort him. “This was just really shitty luck. But you and TK have been through worse. You’ll get through this.”

Carlos swallows hard at the conviction in his friend’s voice. “My mother says he loves me,” he questions, still having a hard time believing it himself. While parts are missing from his mind, he does remember that there was never anyone serious in his life. No one who stuck around long enough for him to love, let alone love him back.

“He does, very much,” Grace says with a smile on her pretty face. “And you love him back just as much.”

“You’re actually pretty sickeningly cute together,” Judd tells him. “Always in your own little world where only the two of you exist,” he continues, getting a fond eye-roll from his wife. “It makes the rest of us want to pour water over the two of you, but after three years, we’ve learned to live with it.”

“Judson,” Grace scolds her husband softly, but Carlos tunes them out as he files away another piece of the puzzle.

Three years.

 ֎֎֎

 He gets discharged from the hospital two weeks later. His ribs are bruised but healing, as is his arm. The scratches and bruises on his body are mostly faded. He greets the news of his release with barely restrained glee – already half out of his mind after spending so many days in the hospital.

“You’ll come stay with us, Carlitos,” his mother says with a smile that feels over the top. “It will be so nice to spoil you.”

He looks from her to his father and then finally to TK, who is actually there during his waking hours for once. He takes in his rod-straight posture as he stands at the end of his bed, his jaw clenched.

Carlos raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re okay with me going home with my parents and not you?” he challenges, barely holding back a sharp grin when it startles the man in question.

“I want you to feel comfortable,” TK answers after a moment.

“You’re my boyfriend,” he shoots back, only slightly stumbling over the last word. “I should be comfortable with you, shouldn’t I?”

“You don’t know me,” TK points out, his jaw tightening even further, and Carlos has the urge to touch at the edges, to run his thumb over the smooth-looking skin until TK stops grinding his teeth.

Instead of soothing him, though, Carlos shrugs a shoulder at him, seeming more unbothered than he actually feels. “Maybe if you didn’t just visit me when you think I’m asleep these last two weeks, I’d know you.”

TK’s mouth drops, his eyes going wide as he sputters, and Carlos has to ignore the little vicious voice in his head that cheers at the reaction. Instead, he turns to his parents, giving them a shake of his head.

“If I’m going to remember my life, then I should probably start living that life,” he reasons, holding up a hand when his mother tries to speak. “And as far as I know, I wasn’t living with my parents when the accident happened,” he lets the statement hang, waiting to see if anyone will correct him. “I thought so. I’m going home, to my home.”

He looks back over at TK, finding his eyes locked on him once more. There is so much going on behind those eyes. Too much for Carlos to read it all when the man continues to be a stranger to him, but there is one thing Carlos does recognize. Tentative hope.

“So,” he starts, raising his eyebrow once more as he drags out the word. “Are you gonna give me a ride back to our place or not?”

 ֎֎֎

 “This isn’t the way home,” he points out the next day from the passenger’s seat of TK’s Ranger. The ride has been mostly silent except for the radio playing. His discharge had also been quiet, his parents doing most of the talking while they waited for his doctors to sign off on his papers. They’d made TK and him promise to call if they needed anything while also letting them know they would be checking in on them often. “You missed the turn on Lynwood,” he says, pointing back at the avenue.

TK makes a face, something very much like a grimace. “Yeah,” he starts to say slowly. “We don’t live there anymore – haven’t for a while actually.”

“We moved?” he questions, surprised. His place had been big enough for two people. More than enough for a couple just starting to live together. “Did you not like it?”

“I loved that house,” TK answers, turning to look at him. “I was so happy when you asked me to move in,” he continues softly. He gives him a sad smile. “But there was a fire, and we lost it.”

“A fire?” he repeats, swallowing hard at the sudden inexplicable fear he feels. TK looks over at him again, going instantly on alert. He takes a hand off the wheel, reaching halfway towards Carlos before coming to a halt.

Carlos watches as the hand hangs mid-air for a moment, feeling a twinge under his ribcage when TK drops it back on his lap instead of touching Carlos.

“We were in it,” he realizes, sure of it as something flashes through his mind, and he swears he can feel the heat and smell the smoke.

TK bites down on his bottom lip, his eyes focused on the road. Then, finally, he gives him a sharp nod but says nothing.

“We almost didn’t make it,” he continues, exhaling slowly, trying to bring his racing heart back down. “It messed me up for a while, didn’t it?”

TK pulls into a quiet street with modest two-story houses. He passes four of them before turning into the driveway of a moss-green house with a brown roof. Turning off the car, TK twists in his seat to look at him. “It did,” he answers honestly. “It got really close, and we almost didn’t make it out. We were shaken up for a long time, and as a result, there is a fire extinguisher in just about every room of this house, which you have me check to make sure they’re all in working order every couple of months.”

TK lets out a breath, raising a hand to run it through his hair. “But we got through it, and we found this place,” he points at the house. “And we fell in love with making new memories in it.”

Memories Carlos can’t remember. Neither have to say it out loud; the words ring out through the car regardless.

“It’s green,” he points out for lack of anything else to say. TK smiles, and for the first time since Carlos opened his eyes, it’s not brittle at the edges.

“To match my eyes,” he says softly, his voice sounding far away. He shrugs at him when Carlos gives him a questioning glance. “Your words, man,” he says, smiling again when Carlos wrinkles his nose at him. “Yeah, you’re kind of a sap that way. Come on.”

Carlos follows TK out of the car and up the steps of the house. Standing on the porch, he spots a swing. “My parents’ house has one of those,” he points at the padded bench. “I always wanted one for my house too.”

“I know,” TK says with a slight smile as he looks over at the porch swing. “You told me when we were looking for a new place to live. So I had it installed a few days before we officially moved in to surprise you.”

TK’s smile grows as he gets lost in the memory. “We spent most of our first night here on it instead of opening boxes. Eventually, I started to fall asleep on you, and you – “

TK trails off frowning, shaking his head at himself as he turns back to open the door.

“I what?” he asks. He puts his hand on TK’s forearm to keep him from turning the lock, swallowing when TK’s eyes thunder up to look at him, surprised by his touch. Carlos realizes he hasn’t done that before and resists the instinct to take his hand off. “I what, TK?” he asks again, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You carried me inside and put me to bed,” TK whispers back. He blinks, but that doesn’t keep Carlos from seeing the sudden sheen in his eyes. Clearing his throat, he turns towards the door once more, opening it. “You’ve always been really good about taking care of me.”

TK takes a step forward, and Carlos lets his hold on him slip away. Following him, he finds himself in the middle of a living room painted in light colors instead of the dark walls he remembers from his other place. There are pictures and knick-knacks everywhere, plants at each corner of the room. The place looks well lived-in and busier than his usual style. His face must show some of what he’s thinking because TK snickers.

“Yeah,” he says with a smirk. “It took you a while to get used to my particular brand of chaos.”

Carlos walks over to the fireplace, finding it full of little trinkets. “This is all you?” he questions.

“You have bought me a lot of them,” TK answers with a shrug. He points at a small bronze bee next to a detailed firetruck. “That one you got for me because you thought it matched my tattoo.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at him as TK just shrugs at him again.

“Like I said, you’ve gotten used to my love for random stuff.”

“You mean I’ve gotten used to the fact that you’re a hoarder,” he tells him, smiling when TK lets out an offended gasp.

“Rude,” TK grumbles, but Carlos is pleased to see it’s said with a smile. TK hasn’t done much of that around him, understandably, and it makes Carlos ridiculously happy to be the cause of it now. It must show by the way TK’s expression softens as he looks at him.

“Do you want me to show you the rest of the house, or do you want to eat something first?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. “You haven’t eaten since the hospital this morning.”

“I could eat,” Carlos answers with a nod, his stomach grumbling at the suggestion. All he had this morning was the muffin on his food tray, too anxious to leave the hospital to eat anything else.

TK nods for him to follow him, leading him towards the kitchen. “You’re in luck. Grace dropped off a casserole last night, so you won’t be subjected to my cooking.”

Carlos leans against a marble counter, looking around at the beautiful kitchen, not a pot out of place, and knows instantly it’s his domain.

“You don’t cook?” he asks, getting a face back as TK pulls a glass dish out of the fridge.

“I mean, I wouldn’t starve,” he says as he turns on the oven, flashing him an amused grin over his shoulder. “And I have picked up some tricks from you. But we’ve both agreed it’s safer for our house and stomachs if you do the bulk of the cooking.”

Carlos smiles at the comment, entertained by it.

“This will take a bit to heat up,” TK gestures towards the oven. “Let me show you the upstairs.”

Carlos nods, trailing TK back out of the kitchen and up a set of stairs. He follows him as he shows him a room that seems to be part guestroom, part library, before continuing towards the end of the hall towards a master bedroom with a large bathroom attached.

“This bedroom is yours. I’ll be sleeping in the other room for now,” TK comments, standing back as Carlos looks around. From the open closet displaying their clothes together to the top of a black drawer with a series of pictures of them. Everything about the room tells the story of their life together.

Carlos picks up a picture frame. In it is a picture of him and TK on vacation going off the beach in the background. TK has a big silly hat on and a coconut drink in his hand, while Carlos has his arm wrapped around him, pressing a kiss into the man’s cheek. Both are smiling wide.

“That was Cancun a year ago,” TK says softly as he comes to stand next to him, looking down at the picture with him. “I surprised you with the trip and had to practically tape my mouth shut to not spill the beans before everything was ready. I’m not very good at keeping secrets, much less from you.”

Carlos looks over at TK, giving him a once-over. “You have no poker face,” he realizes, sure of it. TK proves him right by the startled look he gives him, letting out a huff a moment later.

“You always say that,” he tells him with an eye roll. “I just don’t see a reason to keep anything from my best friend and the love of my life.”

Carlos’ breath catches at TK’s description of him. “Is that what I am to you?”

“Yes,” TK answers without hesitation.

“We look so happy,” he says as he looks back down at the picture. There is no doubt in his mind as he looks at their smiles that he is in love with the man in the photograph.

“We are happy,” TK answers. He wavers for a second but then covers his hand holding the frame, and Carlos feels a shock go through him at the touch. “We have our moments like any other couple, sure, but we’re so damn happy, Carlos.”

Carlos twists towards TK, turning his hand to hold onto his. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out desperately, blinking back the stinging in his eyes at the loss he feels acutely, even if he can’t recall what he’s lost. “I’m sorry I can’t remember us.”

TK shakes his head at him, pulling him into his arms, careful of Carlos’ cast. “This is not your fault,” TK whispers firmly in his ear as he cradles the back of his head. Carlos sinks into his embrace, taking comfort in it. “We’re going to figure this out, Carlos,” TK continues as he pulls back to look at him. “I’m not saying it’s easy to look in your eyes and see very little recognition, but I’m not giving up on you or us.”

Carlos doesn’t know what to say to that, and it seems he doesn’t have to. TK gives him a small smile, pulling out of their hug while Carlos has to bite his tongue to keep from protesting as he loses TK’s touch, leaving him feeling cold.

“Come on,” he says softly, taking a step back. “The casserole should be warmed up by now.”

He follows TK back downstairs, watching him as he moves around their kitchen, serving up their meal, grabbing glasses when he points at the cabinet where they’re kept.

They sit down to eat the casserole quietly. It’s good, but Carlos barely tastes it, more preoccupied with sneaking looks at TK.

“You’re burning holes into me, Reyes,” TK says dryly as he looks up from his plate. “You know you can ask me whatever you want, right?” he questions gently. “I’m an open book. You just have to ask.”

“How did we meet?” Carlos questions instantly, dozens of questions ready to go on the tip of his tongue. TK seems to realize this by the smile on his face.

“On the job,” he says softly. “There was a car accident, a mother and son. We were the answering firehouse; you were the cop on the scene.”

“How long have you been a firefighter?” he asks, causing TK to wrinkle his nose at him.

“I’m not one anymore,” he answers. “I was one for over seven years between New York and here. But after almost a year in Austin, I switched from Fire to Rescue. I’m a paramedic now with Nancy and Tommy. You met them, right?”

Carlos nods, recalling the two women visiting him at the hospital.

“Tommy is my Captain, Nancy, my partner,” he continues with a smile that speaks of fondness for the women in question. “I became a firefighter in large part because I wanted to be like my dad, and I loved being one, but I always felt like something was missing. Becoming a paramedic was like finding the missing piece to the puzzle, you know?”

Carlos gives TK an understanding look, pausing for a moment before he asks his next question. “Did I ask you out, or did you ask me out?”

“Oh man,” TK chuckles, his cheeks turning slightly pink. Reaching for his glass, he takes a sip of water. “You need to understand that we didn’t start so easily as going on a date.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at that, earning another smile from TK, this one bashful.

“Okay,” he starts, exhaling loudly. “So our story goes like this – ”

Carlos listens as TK tells him of Michelle inviting his team to the local honky-tonk after rescuing the mother and child from the car accident. He tells him about Carlos walking up to him in a ridiculously tight shirt and asking him to dance. He blushes as TK shoots him a look, telling him he looked so hot. And blushes even further when TK tells him of the two of them sneaking off to make out in the bar bathroom, exchanging numbers after kissing each other senselessly before seeing each other two days later and having sex on the floor of Carlos’ old living room.

“Not much time for courting,” he says dryly, unable to keep the smile off his face as TK grins back at him.

“In your defense, you did try to court me,” TK says gently, affection shining in his eyes. “You invited me to a midnight dinner the next night.”

“Oh,” Carlos says, relieved. “That’s better.”

TK winces slightly in return.

“Or not?” he questions, getting a nod back from TK.

“I kind of freaked out on you,” he says, looking deeply sorry. Carlos can’t imagine it could have been so bad if three years later they’re still together, but he waits for TK to explain.

“I had gone through a horrible breakup back home – I was getting ready to propose, and he was cheating on me with some guy from the gym. I wasn’t looking for anything other than some harmless sex, so when you made this lovely dinner for me with flowers and candles, and you looking so fine in a dress shirt and slacks. I turned into a jerk, and the dinner was a bust.”

Carlos quietly processes what TK has just told him. He feels a pang in his chest at the knowledge that TK loved someone else enough to consider marriage. He scoffs quietly at the silly jealousy he feels from it. It’s completely ridiculous to be jealous of some random man from TK’s past when TK is here now in their home with him. He tries not to think too hard about what it means to feel this way when TK is still essentially a stranger to him.

“How did we recover from that?”

TK cringes again, and Carlos has to keep from reaching out and poking his nose as it wrinkles adorably.

“I got arrested, and you were the officer to process me?” TK says in the form of a question, groaning when Carlos’ eyebrows both go up.

“That sounds like a conflict of interest.”

“That’s what I said to you!” TK exclaims, waving a hand at him. “Thank you for finally agreeing with me!”

“Maybe I made sure to get your paperwork when you were brought in,” he suggests, theorizing.

“Do you think you would do that?” TK questions curiously.

“If I really liked you and wanted a reason to talk to you, sure,” he shrugs, knowing that while he’s usually a by-the-book cop, he has an impulsive streak. “And something tells me I did like you enough to do that.”

TK looks away from him, but it doesn’t hide his pleased smile from Carlos. He feels warmed by it again, and wonders just how many times over the years has TK’s smile caused his stomach to flutter.

“So how did getting arrested help us after that dinner gone wrong?” he asks, clearing his throat. “And what did you get arrested for?”

“A bar fight,” TK answers, wincing when he shoots him an unimpressed look. “I know, I know. It was stupid, and trust me, you let me know how stupid you thought it was. But like I said, I was going through a bad breakup, I had relapsed on substances as a result, and I was looking for something to keep my mind off my life being shit that wasn’t alcohol or pills.”

TK sneaks a look at him, holding his breath as he waits for him to react to his confession.

“Are you okay now?” he asks softly, letting out a sigh when TK nods.

“I haven’t used since my relapse,” he answers. “There have been moments of struggle, but I have overcome them.”

“I’m proud of you, TK,” he says as he reaches for his hand, not sure if it’s his place but unable to stop himself.

TK gives him a slight quirk of his lips. “You always say that,” he whispers, offering his hand a squeeze. “And I’ll remind you now that you’re a big reason for my continued sobriety.”

“No – “ he starts to shake his head, freezing when TK grips his hand that much tighter.

“Yes,” TK answers firmly. “You are my biggest champion. Your unwavering faith in me has saved me so many times, sweetheart. I know you don’t remember it now, but you need to know that.”

 ֎֎֎

 TK leaves for the basement after they finish their meal, claiming a need to do laundry. Really Carlos thinks he’s giving him space after the emotionally packed conversation they shared. Either way, Carlos takes the reprieve he’s given. He calls his mother to check in, assuring her he and TK are okay.

She gives him a loaded ‘hmm’ and an amused ‘nothing’ when he asks what’s that about.

After ending the call, he wanders around the house some more. It’s hard to find pieces of the life he does remember, but he figures losing everything in a fire will do that. He takes his time looking at the rest of the pictures around the house. He and TK are attached at the hip in just about all of them, more often than not smiling at each other instead of the camera.

TK comes back upstairs an hour later with a basket full of clean clothes. “Fresh towels,” he proclaims happily. “Just the way you like it for your showers,” he smiles before giving him a curious look. “We’ll have to wrap your arm with plastic for that – are you okay?”

Carlos nods, pointing at the framed photos on the wall. “Just looking,” he answers, pausing as something comes to mind for the first time and feeling silly for it. “Hey, do you know what happened to my phone?”

“It got wrecked in the accident,” TK answers as he crosses towards a cabinet. “But I got it replaced for you, and made sure everything was backed up from the cloud.”

He takes the phone from him, looking at it, and then looks back up at TK, who smiles back at him a little awkwardly. “Your passcode is my birthday,” he answers, rattling off the numbers to him before leaving the room again, heading upstairs with the laundry in hand.

“I really am a sap,” he mumbles to himself, punching in the code. He looks through his old messages first. Some are from his partner Mitchell, there is a recipe link from Paul, and a group message between him, his parents, TK’s father, and TK himself about dinner plans from over a month ago. The conversation between him and TK is endless, with many ‘I love yous’ and ‘be safe’ exchanged. There are also teasing remarks – quite a few racy enough to make his ears feel hot.

He turns to his camera roll and scoffs at himself at the sheer amount of pictures of TK in it.

“What’s that noise for?” TK questions coming back into the living room.

“I might be your stalker,” he answers, waving his phone when TK raises an eyebrow at him. “Pretty sure 90% of my phone is pictures of you, so yeah,” he points a finger at himself. “Stalker.”

TK lets out a laugh, throwing his head back, and Carlos can’t help but stare, transfixed by the image of him. It’s almost unfair how beautiful he is without even trying.

Looking back at him, Carlos can see his green eyes sparkle with amusement.

“You should see my phone,” he says unbothered. “It’s all you, all the time. Nancy teases the crap out of me for it. So we’re pretty even on that front, don’t worry.”

“There are some dirty messages from you here,” he tells him, biting down on his lip when it makes TK smirk, even as he turns a rosy pink.

“I would bet my car that there are more than just dirty messages saved in there from me,” he answers, his smirk growing filthier as Carlos’ eyes widen. “Sometimes you work nights, and I get bored without you,” he tells him, his blush growing stronger. “Bet you haven’t found those pictures yet.”

No, but he sure as hell plans on finding them later when he’s alone, he thinks, going hot himself at the thought. “So you like to tease me,” he questions, earning himself a suggestive chuckle in return.

“As I like to tell you when you call me a tease. It’s not teasing if I deliver,” TK points out, grin firmly in place. “And I always do.”

“Of all the things to forget,” Carlos grumbles, mostly at himself.

TK’s smile slips away, a flash of pain crossing his face before he can hide it away. “It will come back,” he says softly.

Carlos tilts his head, studying him. “You sound so sure.”

TK gives him a gentle shrug of his shoulder in return. “When it comes to us against whatever crap the world throws at us, I’ll place my bet on you and me every single time.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos is in the bedroom waiting for TK to finish his shower before he can hop in himself. He smiles as he hears TK sing some song horribly off-key.

“Hey, rockstar,” he calls out when he hears the water shut off, grinning as TK lets out a shouted curse in surprise. He probably figured Carlos was still downstairs. “When you’re done with your concert, can you help me wrap my cast?”

He hears more muffled grumbling that causes him to chuckle at least until TK opens the door. His laughter halting in his throat as he takes in his boyfriend in nothing more than a towel, his chest bare with water droplets running down his defined abs.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he scolds him with a pout on his face that has no right being as charming as it is.

“I understand how we fell into bed so quickly,” he blurts out, blushing as TK raises a questioning eyebrow at him. “You’re stunning,” he continues, unable to hold back the thought. “I must have taken one look at you and just fallen head over heels for you.”

TK stares at him for a moment before shaking his head, a small reluctant smile taking over his face. “Leave it to you to have no memory of us and still manage to be ridiculously romantic,” he huffs, chuckling softly to himself. “You’re dangerous, Reyes.”

“I’m sorry,” Carlos apologizes, feeling awkward. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

TK crosses the room, coming to sit down next to him on the bed. “The fact that you’re still attracted to me doesn’t make me uncomfortable. On the contrary, it gives me hope,” he tells him with a half-smile. “Hope that you’ll come back to me here,” he says, tapping a finger against Carlos’ temple. “And here,” he brings his hand down to tap against Carlos’ chest over his heart.

“Don’t give up on me,” Carlos whispers, and even he can hear the pleading quality in his voice.

“Never,” TK answers gently, his green eyes bright and hopeful, and Carlos might not know him well, but he can see the love he feels for him in those eyes – it leaves him breathless. He realizes with a start how badly he wants to lean in, to close the gap between him and TK and see if tasting him will trigger the memories he so desperately wants back. He realizes with alarming clarity that even if he doesn’t remember, he very much wants to know if TK tastes as sweet as he seems.

He takes too long deciding, and when he shifts an inch closer, TK is already grabbing the plastic and medical tape he has on the bed.

“Now, let’s get this wrapped so you can shower,” he says sweetly, reaching for Carlos’ arm. “You’re probably tired after the long day. I bet you go right to sleep afterwards.”

Carlos thinks sleep is probably not coming with his swirling thoughts, but he gives TK a nod anyway.

“I’m going to the farmer’s market tomorrow morning,” TK continues once his arm is wrapped up. “We usually go together on our days off. Think you’re up for it?” he asks, giving Carlos a hopeful look.

Carlos nods again, wanting to keep that look on TK’s face and the bright smile that follows.

“That sounds nice.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos leans against the kitchen counter, staring through tired eyes as the coffee machine spits out a robust Colombian roast. Sleep, like he had expected, had been hard to come by the night before, with too many thoughts and too much space in his bed for him to settle in right. He might not remember sleeping with TK in their bed, but he has a feeling his body does, and it rebelled at the idea of TK being in another room away from him.

More than once last night, he had given serious thought to walking over to the guest room and begging TK to come sleep beside him. He hadn’t, and instead spent the night twisting and turning, flashes of moments running through his mind too fast to make a complete picture. It frustrates him while also giving him hope being home with TK will trigger his memories.

He hears footsteps coming down the stairs and turns his head just in time to see a sleepy, shirtless TK come into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and grumbling.

“Need. Coffee. Now,” he mumbles, passing him, going straight for the coffee maker, only to let out a whine when he sees the pot is nowhere near ready.

“Good morning,” he says dryly, a smile tugging on his face at the adorable image TK makes, pout in full display as he turns to acknowledge him.

“Coffee,” he demands once more.

Carlos opens his mouth to tease him, stopping short as something comes back to him instantly.

He’s in the middle of bringing his cup to his lips when he feels TK slide up behind him, his arms going around his waist, his face tucked between his shoulder blades.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” he says fondly, twisting in TK’s hold to turn to him, smiling at his sleepy expression.

“Woke up without you,” TK pouts, his green eyes narrowed. “On our day off. That’s illegal; arrest yourself right now.”

“If I arrest myself, we can’t spend the day together,” he points out, chuckling as TK gives him a dry look.

“Maybe I just want you in handcuffs,” TK quips, a teasing smile playing on his lips when Carlos raises an eyebrow at him.

“We can play that game if you want. It was a lot of fun the last time,” he challenges back with a smirk of his own when TK lets out a sharp breath at his answer.

“Too early for this,” TK grumbles, his cheeks a pretty pink. “Need coffee.”

“If you let me go, I can get you a cup,” he offers, waiting as TK considers. Finally, his boyfriend shakes his head.

“Nope,” he answers, tucking his face into Carlos’ shoulder, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. “This is better anyway.”

“Hey,” TK snaps his fingers softly in front of his face. When Carlos focuses on him, he finds him looking at him with a curious and slightly worried expression. “Are you okay? Where did you go?”

“Nowhere,” he answers, trying to give TK a smile to ease his worry while inside, he’s reeling. The memory had been as clear as TK standing in front of him now, but more than that, he can remember what he’d been feeling at that moment. The love and adoration he felt for the man in his arms, not wanting to let him go even for a cup of coffee.

���Are you sure?” TK asks again, still concerned.

“Yeah,” he says again, this time his smile coming out a little easier as he wraps himself in the feelings caused by the memory. “Are we still going to the farmer’s market today?”

“Sure,” TK answers as he walks over to the coffee pot that is now full. He pulls out two mugs, pouring them both a cup. “If you’re up to it, that is.”

“I am,” he answers, taking the cup TK offers him. “I thought I could cook this evening,” he suggests, waving his cast at him. “With your help.”

TK shoots him a grin. “Sure, it should be fun to watch you bite your lip to keep from telling me I’m chopping the wrong way.”

“Do you chop the wrong way?” he questions, suddenly concerned.

TK shrugs a shoulder at him. “You seem to think so. You’re always warning me I’m going to cut myself and hover over me like the worrywart you are.”

“I’m suddenly reconsidering letting you help me,” he says honestly, getting another playful grin from TK.

“Too late,” he chirps. “I’m helping. Now I’m gonna head for the shower. We can grab breakfast at this bakery we like near the market.”

Carlos nods in agreement as TK starts to leave the kitchen. He’s about to let him pass when he notices a scar near TK’s left shoulder. “Hey, what is that?” he stops him, bringing a hand to the spot, running a thumb over it. He hears TK’s breath catch, but he ignores it as he realizes with a start what he’s looking at. “Is this a bullet wound, TK?” he asks, his voice coming out higher than usual.

He stares at TK with wide eyes as the man lets out a wince.

“Yeah…see what happened was – “

 ֎֎֎

 “So you’re telling me you have been shot at and kidnapped?” he questions for the third time since TK finished retelling him his unfortunate work calls. Since then, they’ve stopped by the bakery TK mentioned, bought their breakfast – a spinach pie for him and a cherry cheese Danish for TK, and now are walking around the market, reusable grocery bags in hand. Carlos is still at a loss, having trouble understanding how TK can recall the moments so calmly. When Carlos on the other hand, is quietly freaking out and wondering how to hide TK away from the world hellbent on injuring him.

“Yes,” TK answers simply, lifting his hand to offer him half his Danish. “Trade? We usually do because you like the last taste in your mouth to be sweet.”

He distractedly takes the offered pastry, giving TK the last bit of his pie.

“Do I have blood pressure issues?” he questions, looking over at TK as he pops the last bit of food in his mouth. “I feel like I have to because my BP is skyrocketing right now.”

“So dramatic,” TK scoffs, rolling his pretty eyes at him. “As if I would let you have high blood pressure. My dad is a health nut. If you had a high BP, there would be no salt in the house,” he continues with a cheeky smile that makes Carlos huff.

“Cute,” he says sarcastically. “Have I tried to bubblewrap you? I think drastic measures need to be taken here to keep you safe.”

He winces as his voice goes a little manic at the end there, causing TK to stop walking, the amused but exasperated smile on his face dropping.

“Hey,” he starts softly, reaching out to touch Carlos’ wrist, pressing the pads of his fingers against his pulse point, squeezing gently, helping Carlos center himself. “I’m okay,” he says slowly, his eyes locking with Carlos’.

“Yes, they were scary moments, ones I would rather not repeat. But when I was shot, you were there every day waiting for me to wake up.” TK squeezes his wrist again, making sure he’s listening. “And when I got kidnapped, you figured out where we were, and you rescued me.”

“I did?” he asks breathlessly. Leave it to TK to get to the root of Carlos’ freak out. The thought of TK hurt or in danger and Carlos helpless to save him.

“You did,” TK answers. He lets go of Carlos’ wrist, but Carlos instinctively takes his hand before he can get too far.

“Is this okay?” he whispers, holding his breath as he waits for TK to decide if he should pull his hand away or not. He watches his eyes flicker between their joined hands and Carlos’ face, a flash of something too close to sorrow playing over his features for a second. He’s just about to pull away himself and apologize to TK when he links their fingers together, giving Carlos a slight smile.

“Yeah, sweetheart, of course it’s okay,” he whispers back, his smile more honest and less pained. “Take this as a blanket invitation to touch me when you want or need, okay?”

Carlos startles at the offer, staring at TK as he looks back at him.

TK shakes his head softly at him. He reaches up, touching Carlos’ temple gently with his other hand. “This is hard for me,” he admits, brushing one of Carlos’ curls into place. “But I can’t even begin to imagine what’s going on in your head. How scared you must be to have all these missing pieces in your memory. So yeah, Carlos, if holding my hand brings you any kind of comfort, if touching me helps center you, feel free to touch me anytime the urge hits.”

Carlos can’t speak in the face of such an offer when he knows TK hurts every moment Carlos doesn’t remember their life together.

“That might not be fair to you.”

TK gives him another gentle smile, his eyes shining with what Carlos can only call love. “You let me worry about what’s fair to me,” he tells him before wrinkling his nose at him sweetly. “Besides, I’ve never said no to your hands on me, and I’m not about to start now.”

They stay like that, neither moving as they get lost in the moment. It’s only when a sharp whistle pierces the air that TK breaks their eye contact, twisting around to find the source. Carlos doesn’t recognize the elderly woman waving at them from a few stalls away, but TK obviously does by the low noise he lets out.

“Shit,” he mutters, looking back at him. “That’s Martha; we buy jam and honey from her. She’s very old and very sweet and is extremely fond of us. She’s gonna take one look at your arm and fuss, and if we tell her about your memory issues – “

“She’s not going to take it too well?” Carlos finishes for him, getting a nod in return. “Okay,” he says, understanding TK is suggesting they pretend everything is fine. “Martha, you said?”

“Yeah,” TK bites down on his lip nervously.

Carlos gives TK’s fingers a gentle tug. “Let’s go say hello and get some jam. Does she have apricot?” he questions as they start to make their way over to her stall.

TK lets out a breath, smiling slightly as he leans into Carlos’ side. “Yes, she has apricot jam, which she always lets you taste even though we buy it from her all the time.”

“I like her already,” he says honestly. He can see the woman better now. He can see the happy smile on her face as they approach, followed by concern as her eyes stray to his arm.

“Carlos Reyes,” she gasps once they are close enough. “What in the world happened to you?”

“Car accident,” he says as she comes around her stall to get closer. He stands still as she touches his arm and then his cheek with gentle wrinkled hands as she peers up at him.

“Oh my dear boy,” she says softly, her tone caring like a grandmother. “Are you okay?”

He gives her a nod, tilting his head towards TK. “This one over here is taking very good care of me,” he says with a playful waggle of his eyebrows, smiling when she lets out a whistling laugh, her concern easing at his teasing.

“I’m sure he is,” she says with a laughing tone of her own. She turns towards TK, holding out her hands to him. TK places his hands in hers, holding on as she gives them a gentle squeeze. “You okay, dear?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, Martha,” TK answers her softly, sneaking a look at him. “He’s alive and whole, and that’s all that matters to me.”

Martha studies both of them with a gentle look. “Sweet boys,” she whispers. She pats TK’s hands again before letting go of them. “Your love is so special,” she continues with a smile that is then followed by a pointed look. “Beautiful, even though I see no rings yet.”

TK groans out the woman’s name through a tired smile. He looks amused, but it doesn’t hide the gentle blush taking over his face. “We’ve talked about this, Martha,” he reminds her, sneaking a look at him again before focusing on the older woman. “We’re happy the way we are, for now, there is no need to – “

“Rush things,” Martha finishes for TK, rolling her eyes at him. “Blah, blah, blah,” she mocks with her hand.

“Martha!” TK exclaims with a surprised laugh. Carlos looks away, not knowing what to say. He can feel his heart tick up at the subject. Obviously, it’s one the older woman is used to commenting on going off TK’s response, and Carlos wonders what his usual answer is. He doesn’t know. All he knows is that the mention of rings – his on TK’s finger, makes his stomach do a somersault.

“Young people,” Martha mutters as she opens a jar of jam, spreading some over a cracker before passing it over to him.

He takes it from her, popping it into his mouth, letting out a pleased sound as the sweet taste fills his senses. “Delicious,” he says to her, causing her to beam back at him. “Best jam ever.”

“If you put a ring on this boy’s finger already, I might give you my secret recipe,” she says to him, grinning brightly as he feels his face go red.

“Oh my god, Martha,” TK mumbles, turning his face to hide it into Carlos’ shoulder.

Carlos instinctively pulls him closer, trying to shield him from his own embarrassment.

Martha sighs deeply, pursing her lips at them. “Just the jam then?”

 ֎֎֎

 They get home past noon. The ride back is quiet and a little uncomfortable. Martha’s teasing prompting some new questions Carlos is itching to ask.

“I left some chicken out for a southwest salad for lunch?” TK tells him as they place their groceries on the counter. “What do you say?”

“Sounds good,” he answers as he takes out the avocados from the bag, separating the two ripe ones for the salad.

“Great,” TK says, flashing him a strained smile. He starts pulling out what he needs from the cupboards, beans, and corn, while Carlos gets the rest from the fridge.

They work together around the kitchen quietly, Carlos’ assistance limited by his arm. Finally, as TK cooks the chicken on a cast iron skillet, he can’t hold in his questions any longer.

“Have we talked about it?” he asks, holding his breath when TK shoots him a knowing look.

“We haven’t planned anything officially,” he answers, not needing Carlos to clarify his question. “But you know how much I love you, and I know how much you love me. We both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. There is no doubt about that.”

Carlos takes in a sharp breath at the certainty he hears in TK’s voice as he speaks about their commitment to each other in the present tense, not in the past before Carlos’ accident. TK’s absolute belief in them is humbling, and Carlos is left in awe that someone loves him as much as TK does.

It must show on his face by the way TK’s expression softens. He reaches out, touching Carlos’ side gently for a moment, offering him comfort.

“The chicken is done,” he says as he pulls his hand back.

Carlos doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just watches TK move around the room, getting their salads ready. He takes the plate offered, heading for the dining room table, following TK.

“I have a shift tomorrow,” TK tells him as they eat. “But Captain Vega said I can call out if you need me here with you.”

He looks at him questioningly, but Carlos is already shaking his head. “I don’t want you to miss work because of me,” he tells him. It’s bad enough that he’s on leave for the next few weeks due to his arm and head injury. “I’m healthy enough to be left on my own.”

TK opens his mouth like he wants to argue, pausing when Carlos gives him a pleading look. “Okay then,” he says softly, agreeing. “I’ll tell her I’m good to go, but I’m gonna check in on you.”

Carlos nods.

“A lot,” TK warns him, and this time Carlos smiles.

“I expect nothing less,” he answers softly, affection spreading through him for the man before him.

 ֎֎֎

 They spend the rest of the afternoon and evening lounging around. Carlos’ parents call again, this time facetiming. He and TK press against each other as they talk to them, and Carlos catches the smiles his folks throw their way more than once.

“My parents seem to really like you,” he comments later as they lay back on the couch watching TV. They’re watching the end of an episode of house hunters, and TK has been complaining about the couple and their ridiculously high expectations for most of it. “How did that happen?”

TK turns to him, raising both eyebrows in challenge. “I’m sorry, do you not find me charming enough to win over Gabriel and Andrea Reyes?” he asks with a teasing smirk on his face. “Because I’ll have you know they adore me. Big fans of TK Strand those two.”

Carlos rolls his eyes even as he smiles. “I know. I can tell they love you,” he answers. “And I know you’re charming. You’ve already captivated me, and I’ve only been home two days with you.”

TK looks away from him at that, but Carlos can see the corners of his mouth tug upward anyway.

“I just remember how it used to be between my folks and me when it came to my private life,” he continues though he wants to forget the subject and focus on the smile on TK’s face. He wants to reach out and trace it with his thumb, hating how it drops as he continues. “I guess I don’t understand how we got to this point with them.”

“That’s probably more of a conversation you should have with your folks,” TK answers delicately as he fidgets with his fingers. “But I will say that though it took time, once they knew about us, they were very happy with our relationship, and it greatly improved your own relationship with them. That old hurt you’re remembering of not being able to share your life with them, that mended over time.”

“Thanks to you,” he answers softly, sure of it deep in his bones that TK had everything to do with it.

TK doesn’t deny it; he just gives him a kind smile. “I always have your back,” he tells him. “Just like you have mine.”

Carlos wants to say thank you, but it doesn’t feel nearly enough. The smile TK gives him lets him know he hears it anyway.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower,” TK says as he stands up from the couch. “When I get out, I’ll wrap your arm for you, okay?”

He gives him a nod and watches as he heads upstairs. He waits for a few minutes before he too gets up, turning off the TV and the lights, punching in the security code TK wrote down for him before heading upstairs himself.

A few minutes pass before TK comes out of the shower and into the bedroom, this time in a pair of sleeping shorts and a t-shirt, disappointingly not like the night before with just a towel around him.

“I didn’t even ask how you slept last night,” he says, running a towel over his head, looking at Carlos expectantly.

Carlos goes to tell him he slept fine, not wanting to burden him, but can’t bring himself to lie. “The bed is too big,” he says instead, getting a sympathetic look back from TK.

“We have slept together for a long time now,” he says softly. “We are used to our bodies next to each other. I didn’t get great sleep in the guestroom either,” he admits.

“You could – “ Carlos stops himself, biting down on his lip as his heart starts to race at the same thought he’s had since the night before. He can tell by the way TK’s eyes widen that he knows what he wants to say.

“Yeah?” he questions, pausing hesitantly as he licks his lips. “You wouldn’t be uncomfortable with me in bed with you?”

He lets out a small huff as he closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he can’t help but smile. “I might not remember a lot of stuff right now. But I know for a fact that you have never made me feel uncomfortable, that much I do know.”

He tilts his head to the side as he studies the way TK has gone shy. “What about you? Will you be uncomfortable if we share the same bed?”

“More like relieved,” TK blurts out, going rosy in the cheeks as he speaks. “It’s been a long two weeks without you, sweetheart.”

His eyes darken for a moment, and Carlos feels his breath catch.

“Okay then,” he whispers, swallowing hard as his stomach clenches with anticipation, feeling a fundamental shift between them. “It’s settled.”

 ֎֎֎

 He takes his time in the shower, and by the time he comes out, TK has settled into his side of the bed, his eyes half-closed as they follow him around the room that is dark except for his bedside lamp. It casts a low yellow glow that gives the space a dream-like quality.

“You should know I have been known to cling to you like a koala in the middle of the night,” he warns him sleepily as Carlos gets under the covers. It sounds nice, and he tells TK that, earning a tired chuckle in return.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he sighs out as he turns to his side, facing Carlos with his eyes closed.

Carlos mimics him, turning towards him without turning off the lights just yet, his face inches away from TK’s. He doesn’t mean to stare at him, but he can’t help himself. This is the closest he’s had TK since this started, and he can’t help but want to take him in. He must be staring too hard because after a few minutes, TK’s eyes flutter open. They’re tired but bright in the darkened room. Like two beacons of light, they pull Carlos in. He inches closer until his forehead is pressed against TK’s. Their breathing is loud and heavy, and Carlos can feel every puff that passes TK’s lips touch his face.

He reaches up, giving in to the impulse from earlier, running a trembling finger over TK’s mouth, finding it as soft as he imagined.

“Carlos,” TK whispers, and when Carlos looks up from his mouth, he finds his pupils blown wide.

TK lifts a hand, grabbing at his bicep to pull him closer.

“Are you sure?” he questions even as he wraps an arm around TK’s waist, pulling him tight against his body, his heart racing at the soft moan TK lets out in response.

“If you don’t kiss me, I’m going to lose my mind,” TK mutters, pressing his forehead harder against Carlos’.

Carlos lets out a low groan right as he covers TK’s mouth with his own.

It’s not a tentative kiss.

He might not remember their first, but his mouth and body seem to have no such problem as he sinks his tongue into TK’s mouth. Desperate from the first taste for more.

TK gives as good as he gets; he licks and bites on Carlos’ bottom lip, smiling into the kiss as it makes Carlos gasp. Then, he presses a smaller, gentler one over the sting to soothe it, and this time Carlos’ toes curl at the sweetness of the gesture.

“I must want to kiss you all the damn time,” Carlos whispers frantically as he clings to TK. It gets him a soft, loving laugh from his boyfriend as their kisses slow down to a gentle back and forth of their lips.

“The feeling is very mutual, sweetheart,” he tells him, giving him one last kiss, followed by two smaller ones at the corners of his mouth. He pulls back then, reaching over Carlos’ side to turn off the light. They settle in for the night, neither pulling away from each other’s arms.

He feels TK fall asleep even as he remains wide awake and accepts another sleepless night as TK gets even closer, his face tucked away into Carlos’ neck.

With TK in his arms, this one is already a hundred times better than the night before.

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos is in the middle of mindlessly channel surfing when there is a knock at the door. Most of his morning has been aimless with nothing to do but think of TK and them waking up together in a tangle of limbs.

He had woken up to his breath being stolen by the beauty of a sleeping TK. He’d been helpless but to stare and study every detail of his face, committing it to memory, wondering how in the world he could ever forget such a perfect picture in the first place. Twenty minutes later, right before his alarm went off, TK’s eyes had fluttered open to find his gaze on him. The smile that took over TK’s face as he teasingly called him a weirdo for staring had caused something to squeeze tight under Carlos’ ribcage with a feeling he didn’t dare speak out loud yet.

Getting up from the couch, he opens the door to find his mother on the other side with a bakery box in her hands.

“Conchas?” she asks with a bright smile as she shakes the box back and forth.

Carlos smiles, giving her a head tilt toward the inside of the house, kissing her on the cheek as she comes in.

They head for the kitchen, and Carlos silently starts the coffee machine before pulling a jar of Nutella out of the cupboard.

“You remember that,” she says with a pleased smile as she grabs a knife and starts cutting the conchas down the middle to spread the Nutella over it.

“Mmhmm,” he nods, leaning against the counter, waiting for the coffee to brew.

She passes him a half of the sweet bread with a smile. “How’s it going, cariño?” she questions, her brow wrinkled with worry.

Carlos chews on his concha as he tries to think how to answer that. Physically he’s okay; his arm is healing, and he should have his cast off in a few weeks. Even mentally, the doctors aren’t terribly concern. They’re sure his memory will come back, and given the small but frequent flashes he’s had, he’s inclined to believe them.

Just this morning, he’d made TK’s banana and peanut butter shake – made with oat milk, two tablespoons of creamy peanut butter, and half a scoop of protein powder. TK had taken a sip from it, smiling as he told him it was precisely how he liked it, pausing for a moment as he realized Carlos remembered how to make it before his smile grew even larger. He was remembering, it was slow, but it was happening.

He could tell his mother all of that, but that wasn’t what was on his mind. What’s on his mind is the feel of TK’s mouth against his the night before and then this morning as he let him kiss him before he left for work. What’s on his mind is how right it felt to hold TK as they slept. What is on his mind is how TK’s smile or laugh causes Carlos to go warm all over.

“I think I’m falling in love, Mami,” he says softly, holding his breath once he’s let the words out.

Andrea puts down her treat, wiping her face with a napkin. When she lowers it, Carlos can see the hints of a smile playing on her face. “Well, I hope it’s with your boyfriend, or else this is going to get really awkward for you.”

“Mami,” Carlos groans at her teasing, getting a delighted laugh in return. He pushes off the counter to turn off the coffee maker, pouring the hot liquid into two mugs. “You don’t look particularly surprised by what I just said.”

Andrea smiles at him as she takes the mug he offers her. “Why would I be?” she questions. “Like temporary amnesia is going to destroy what you and TK have? Por favor.”

“What do we have?” he questions, curious to know how his mother sees his relationship with TK. If she really approves.

His mother seems to understand. She places her mug down, crossing the distance between them until she’s standing in front of him, taking his face in her hands.

“I will always regret not asking you more after you came out to us,” she starts, shaking her head when he goes to speak. “You were just a kid, my sweet boy, scared of what we would think, and we messed up so bad. Your father and I thought the best way to let you know it was fine was by acting like nothing had changed, when of course everything had changed for you. We should have asked about your romances, about your heartbreaks.”

“Mami,” he whispers, his heart in his throat as his mother gives him a sad smile.

“We didn’t realize we were hurting you by keeping quiet,” she continues. “I love TK as if he was my own, Carlitos, for a lot of reasons, but two above all.”

Carlos bites down on his lip, waiting for her to tell him her reasons.

“One,” she says with a teary smile. “Him coming into your life gave us a chance to fix our mistakes with you. He became so important to you, you couldn’t keep him from us, and as a result, we got to meet him, know him and get to know you too. The you we had been missing out with our ignorance, and I am so grateful for that.”

“And the second reason?” he asks, swallowing hard around the lump of emotion that has formed in his throat as he starts to get a picture of how he and his parents overcame years of silence about his personal life.

“The second reason answers your original question,” she says with a growing smile that is both loving and proud. “What you and TK have – it’s what I have always wanted for you since I first held you.”

With her hold on his face, she makes sure his eyes are locked with hers, letting Carlos see how sincere she’s being.

“You two have the type of love I always wished for you. Kind, patient, incredibly loving and tender, and above all else, genuine. You, telling me that you’re falling in love with TK all over again isn’t surprising in the least, mi niño. It was the only direction this story could go.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos waves at his mother as she drives away after dropping him off at the firehouse. He walks through the bay doors, finding both fire engines parked but an empty space where the rescue 126 rig should be. He sees a few of the faces that visited him while in the hospital over by the back of the firehouse but hesitates about approaching them.

“Carlos? What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

Carlos turns around at the voice to find the fire captain – TK’s father, his brain supplies, coming towards him with a concerned frown on his face.

“Captain Strand,” he greets him with a nervous smile as the older man’s frown deepens.

“We worked long and hard getting you comfortable enough to call me Owen,” he says with a shake of his head. “I know you can’t remember that we get along great right now, but please, let’s not revert to Captain or sir, I beg of you. It’s just Owen.”

“I’m sorry, sir – shit – Owen,” he gets out, cringing a bit as he feels like a school kid in trouble with the teacher. “I’ll work on it.”

“That’s all I ask,” Owen tells him with a smile that doesn’t hide his amusement in the least. “What brings you by? Not that you’re not welcome anytime, of course.”

“I was restless at home,” he answers with a shrug as he looks around the place. “I figured I’d come and visit TK, but – “ he trails off.

“He and his team are answering a call,” Owen finishes for him, his smile growing fond and meaningful. It makes Carlos want to squirm under the man’s watchful eye.

“What?” he blurts out finally as Owen seems to grow even more amused with him.

The captain lets out a chuckle, holding his hands up in a silent apologetic gesture. “It’s just that nothing has changed. You might have trouble remembering a lot of things right now, but you still seek TK out when you’re anxious.”

“How do you know I’m anxious?” he questions, surprised. He gets a sympathetic fatherly look from Owen that seems vaguely familiar in the back of his mind.

“Because you and I are friends,” he answers, slapping his back gently as he gestures towards the kitchen with a tilt of his head, asking him to follow him.

Carlos does, sitting on one of the stools when Owen points to it.

“And hopefully someday soon we’ll be family,” he continues with a smirk when Carlos jerks his head up to stare at him. “Officially anyway, we’re already family.”

Carlos doesn’t say anything as Owen pulls a slim pitcher with green gunk in it out of the fridge.

“I’m usually a good listener,” the fire captain tells him, placing a glass of the green liquid in front of him. “You and I talk sometimes.”

Carlos brings the glass to his mouth, taking a sip, instantly making a face that causes Owen to snort.

“You usually hide your distaste for my power greens smoothies better,” he says to him, laughing when Carlos scowls.

“You know I hate it and still offer it to me?” he questions, getting a cheeky grin and a nod.

“Just waiting for the day you finally have the guts to tell me you don’t like it.”

“Well, that day has arrived, Owen,” he says dryly, even as he blushes in the face of the older man’s enjoyment.

“At last,” Owen smirks, and it’s so reminiscent of TK it forces Carlos to smile back reluctantly.

“Strand men, troublemakers to the core,” he mutters, his eyes widening moments later. “I remember that,” he whispers, catching Owen’s eyes. “You two are brats.”

“Hey, now,” Owen says with faux offense, even as he looks at him brightly and hopefully. “Hurtful, truthful, but hurtful.”

Carlos huffs, shaking his head with amusement.

“You’re starting to remember,” Owen says kindly, his expression softening as he says it, relieved as Carlos gives him a nod. “That’s so good, kid. We all miss you, but especially my son.”

Carlos licks his lips nervously, parting them to speak when the beeping of the ambulance coming back echoes through the place.

“Speak of the devil,” Owen says quietly, the corners of his mouth tilting upward. “Go on then. He’s who you came to see, and I know he’ll be happy to see your face. He’s been worried all day about being away from you.”

Carlos quickly gets up, flashing Owen a grateful look before heading back towards the front of the firehouse. He watches as TK’s partner and Captain joke with him for a moment before heading off together, leaving TK alone by the rig.

“Hey,” he calls out, watching as TK’s head snaps up at his voice.

“Hi,” TK says back, walking over to him quickly. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he says softly, touching TK’s bicep, running his hand up and down his arm. “I’m fine. Nothing is wrong,” he continues, pulling TK towards him as his shoulders drop in relief. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he whispers, wrapping his good arm around TK, holding him to his chest. “I just missed you and wanted to see your face.”

TK pulls back just enough to look up at him from where he has tucked his face into Carlos’ chest. “Really?” he whispers, his green eyes bright and oh so pretty.

“Yeah,” he answers, licking his lips, his stomach clenching as TK tracks the movement, and he wonders if it’s okay for him to kiss TK here. If now that they have kissed, he can just kiss him when the urge hits. He thinks probably not, or he would be kissing TK nonstop seeing as the urge seems to always be there.

Instead, he takes a small step back to resist the urge to give in to the temptation and says. “Let’s go out tonight.”

TK raises an eyebrow at him, a small, shy smile playing on his lips. “Like a date?” he questions, his smile blossoming when Carlos nods.

“Yeah,” he exhales to calm down his sudden nerves. “Let’s go out on a date.”

“Okay,” TK grins, looking giddy. “I get off at 7. I’ll pick you up. I know exactly where to go.”

 ֎֎֎

 “This is really where you want to have our date?” Carlos asks dubiously as TK parks in the middle of an empty field – the burgers and fries they had picked up in a brown bag on his lap.

TK kills the engine, flashing him a grin as he unhooks his seatbelt. “It’s a special place for us,” he says mysteriously as he opens his door, stepping out of the car and grabbing their drinks. “Come on,” he motions for him to follow him to the back.

Popping the flatbed, Carlos finds a blanket laid out on the back of the truck.

“You prepped for this,” he comments, smiling when TK gives him a shy shrug of his shoulders. He takes the food from Carlos to allow him to get in first, following him seconds later.

“This is nice,” he says softly, looking around, picking at a loose thread of the blanket underneath them while TK unwraps their food. “Why is this place special for us?” he asks curiously. The field is elevated, and over the edge, there is a nice view of the city.

“This is where you and I officially started,” TK answers him as he looks up at the night sky. “We laid on top of your car looking at the sky and really began that night.”

Carlos looks up at the sky too. They’re far enough from the city that the stars gleam brightly. They’re beautiful, but Carlos just knows they were stunning the night TK is talking about.

Different shades of blue and green streak through the sky, lighting it up above them. They’re one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. So stunning, and yet they pale in comparison to the man resting next to him on the hood of his car.

He looks up because he’s supposed to and has to resist the urge of turning his head towards what he really wants to be looking at.

“What are you thinking?” he asks finally, holding his breath as he waits for an answer.

“I’m thinking,” TK starts to say, his voice soft but pleased. “We make a pretty good team.”

Carlos’ breath catches his throat, a thread of hope spreading through him before he can tell himself to rein it in. Finally, he allows himself to turn his head, looking at TK, finding him smiling up at the sky.

“We really do, don’t we?” he asks, his heart skipping a beat as TK turns to face him, his smile growing the longer he looks at Carlos.

“’fraid so,” he whispers as he reaches for Carlos’ hand, intertwining their fingers together before he brings their hands to rest over his stomach.

Carlos blinks, but the memory doesn’t fade. If anything, it gleams brighter. He remembers leaning in closer to TK until their mouths were but a whisper away from each other. He remembers the half-moan-half-grumble TK let out the longer their lips didn’t touch until Carlos was chuckling into their kiss – moaning himself when TK licked into his mouth, pent-up passion engulfing them after weeks of being something like friends.

“You with me?” TK questions curiously as he takes a sip from his soft drink.

“We make a pretty good team,” he answers and watches as TK’s hand freezes midway to the fries between them. His green eyes snap to his, fearful, hopeful, and everything else in between as he stares at him.

“You remember that?” he questions, and Carlos can tell he’s holding his breath as he waits for Carlos to answer. So he does.

“We made out on the hood of my car like teenagers,” he says with a smile as the memory plays again. “You almost pulled on your stitches. I warned you that if you pulled them out again, you were going to have to call your father and explain how it happened.”

“I was excited,” TK grumbles, giving him a pout. “Making out with you is the most fun I have ever had making out with anyone. The stitches were fine but you invoking my dad totally killed the mood.”

“No, it didn’t,” Carlos counters with a grin. He pushes the food away so he can get closer to TK until their faces are only inches apart. “You kept kissing me. We kissed at every red light from here to your dad’s place, and then when we got there, we made out for another ten minutes until he turned the living room lights on and off.”

“That was so embarrassing,” TK groans, leaning his head forward to let it rest against Carlos’. They stay like that for a moment, their eyes locked on each other.

“You remember that night,” TK breathes out in awe. “It’s coming back.”

Carlos nods, his nose rubbing against TK’s as he does so. “It’s coming back, TK,” he whispers back, swallowing hard as he lets himself ask for what he fears the most. “Please don’t stop loving me.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos wakes up after ten. It’s later than he’s used to, but with still being on leave at least until he’s out of his cast, he allows himself the indulgence of a late morning. He lets his good arm reach over to TK’s side of the bed. It’s empty, he knows, remembering the touch of TK’s lips to his forehead earlier in the morning before he left for work. Still, he touches the cool sheets, turning to press his face into TK’s pillow, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent, smiling to himself as he remembers the night before.

They’d come home after their date out in the field, kissing at every red light just like the first time, and by the time they pulled into the driveway, Carlos was vibrating out of his skin with desire.

He all but sprained his neck, nodding his consent when TK asked him if he was sure he wanted them to be intimate before his full memory came back. The smile on TK’s lips as he let out a soft chuckle was worth how red in the face he turned at his own eagerness.

He lets out an exhale, his good hand sliding down his body to cup himself through his sleep pants as he relives the night before.

TK helping him out of his clothes, laying gentle kisses over every inch of bare skin – he had laid back on the bed, his heart racing as TK took his own clothes off before he straddled his thighs, kissing him until he was a shaking mess underneath him. Only then had TK reached over to grab supplies out of the bedside table. And if he thought making out with TK was hot, nothing had prepared him for watching TK open himself up slowly for him with wet fingers, eyes fluttering shut, soft moans escaping his kiss-bruised lips as he found the right spot that made his thighs clench around Carlos’.

By the time TK was ready, reaching back to take him in his hand, lining him up to his opening, Carlos had been pleading, needing to be inside TK more than he has needed anything in his life.

Carlos lets out a low moan, tightening his hold on himself as he remembers the complete bliss he felt as TK sank down on him, taking in every last inch while Carlos stared up at him in awe as he started to move his hips.

Never in his life has he felt more connected to another person than to TK the night before.

He continues to picture it, recalling every beautiful sound TK made as he pushed them higher and higher, right up to the edge until he curved his body over Carlos’, his forehead pressed against his, his eyes wide as he stared down at him.

“I’m never going to stop loving you, Carlos,” TK whispered, drawing out a whimper from Carlos as he rolled his hips again. “Ever, I can promise you that. You can remember our life tomorrow or never again. I’ll always love you.”

Carlos comes in his fist with TK’s voice echoing in his ears just as he had done the night before. TK’s sureness of his love for him tipping him over the edge.

He lays there for a few minutes, waiting for his heart to stop racing before he gets up to clean himself. Without TK there to wrap his arm, it takes him longer to hop in the shower, but he manages. He has another week and a half with the cast on and honestly can’t wait to have it removed.

Once out of the shower, he’s looking through his dresser for clothes when his phone rings. Picking it up, he smiles as TK’s face appears on the caller ID.

“Hey,” he says, smiling into the speaker, his stomach doing a flip at TK’s voice, and he would roll his eyes at his silly schoolboy with a crush reaction if he wasn’t so happy and in love with the man on the other side of the phone.

“Hi,” TK says softly back, going quiet for a moment, and Carlos can just picture him biting down on his bottom lip. “I just wanted to check in with you. I had to leave for work early, and you were still mostly asleep. We didn’t get a chance to talk after last night, and I wanted to see how you were feeling this morning.”

Carlos smiles into the phone at the concern for him he hears in TK’s voice and wonders how he got so lucky to have such a caring partner.

“I’m good,” he answers as he keeps looking for a shirt he wants to wear. “I’m great, actually,” he continues honestly. “Last night was amazing.”

“No regrets?” TK questions hesitantly, causing Carlos to let out a snort.

“Only that we didn’t do that the night I came home,” he answers, grinning when TK lets out a laugh.

He pulls out a green shirt, throwing it on the bed with the jeans he’s already picked out. Then, opening the top drawer, he sticks his hand in to grab a pair of fresh underwear and socks, frowning when his hand finds a small hard box.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” he asks, and TK repeats himself as he suggests they do a movie night when he’s done with work. Carlos makes a sound of agreement as he stares at the small black box in his hand, his head racing as he realizes what it is.

A ring box.

“That sounds great,” he says, distracted, whispering a goodbye when TK tells him he has to go.

Ending the call, he places his phone down before focusing on the little box in his hand. He holds his breath as he opens the box to find a simple but beautiful wedding band, white gold or platinum, with a strip of small diamonds around it. On the inside is engraved ‘Eternally yours, te amo.’

The words hit him hard, and he has to take a seat at the edge of the bed as he realizes with startling clarity what he’s holding in his hand is his ring for TK.

He already knew he loved TK, has been falling for him all over again despite his lack of memory, and now, in his hand is the proof of just how much he loves him.

A hot tear lands on the hand holding the ring before he realizes he’s started crying, and by the time he reaches up to touch his face, he’s sobbing. It feels like the dam breaking after weeks of not even noticing it was filling up in the first place.

He cries over the moments he’s lost and is terrified he won’t get back. He cries as he realizes he could have lost so much more if he hadn’t made it out of the accident. He cries for TK, because if he feels this broken over a life he can’t remember well, he can only imagine what TK feels remembering it all. He cries in hope. Hope that forgotten life will come flooding back at some point. Finally, he cries in relief as TK’s voice promising to love him forever echoes again. Relief that even if the past doesn’t come back to him by some cruel twist of fate, he and TK still have a future.

He cries, and cries and cries some more, letting every last bit of it out.

 ֎֎֎

 If someone had asked Carlos how he thought he would get his memory back, he’s pretty sure his answer wouldn’t have been ‘on a random Thursday morning while brushing his teeth,’ but that’s precisely how it happens. He’s finished his shower, happy to no longer need to wrap his arm in plastic after having his cast removed a few days earlier.

It’s been three weeks since finding his engagement ring for TK and the minor breakdown that followed. He didn’t tell TK of either thing, not wanting him to worry or make him sad at his discovery. He knows it’s not the right time just as much as he knows that eventually, he’s going to put that ring on TK’s finger, memory back or not. He’s in love with his boyfriend – has fallen for him all over again.

His doctors are happy with his progress and the memories that are starting to seep through more and more as the days go on. They promise him if he just keeps living his life, doing what he usually does, they will all come back soon enough.

Carlos believes them, but he’s still surprised as he stares at his reflection, and it all comes back in an almost blinding flash. One second it’s not there, and then the next it is. He spits out the toothpaste in his mouth, barely passing a wet hand over it before he’s running out of the bathroom and down the stairs, tripping in his need to find the one person he needs the most right now.

“Scramble eggs for breakfast? We should probably go grocery shopping today since I’m off,” TK says to him as he turns to face him with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“TK stands for Tyler Kennedy,” he blurts out, watching as TK makes a face at the name before he realizes what he’s said, and his eyes widen. “And you always make that put-out face when I use it, but it’s followed by a smile because as much as you hate your name, you like it when I say it.”

“Carlos – “ TK whispers as he puts down his mug, and he can see it shaking slightly.

“When you are nervous or restless, you chew on the strings of your hoodies,” he continues. “And you bitch about Texas pizza, claiming it’s not real pizza because it’s not from New York.”

“Oh my god,” TK exhales, bringing a hand to his mouth as his eyes fill with tears.

Carlos swallows around the lump in his throat as his own eyes sting. “You play with my hair when I’ve had a hard day. You blush when I turn my cow eyes as you like to call them on you, and I love that I can make you blush even after three years.”

“You remember?” TK asks, and it breaks Carlos’ heart to hear the fear in his boyfriend’s voice, too scared to hope.

“I remember everything, baby,” he whispers back, taking a step toward him and then another. “And I love you, I love you so damn much TK – “

Carlos lets out a small grunt as TK slams into him, clinging to him as he starts to cry. He holds him tight to his chest, pressing his face into TK’s shoulder, rubbing his back, trying to soothe him as he continues to cry. It takes a few minutes for TK to calm down; by the time he does and pulls back to look at Carlos, his eyes are red from his tears.

“You remember me,” he says softly with a trembling smile.

“I’m so sorry I forgot,” he answers, reaching up to touch TK’s mouth when his boyfriend starts shaking his head, ready to tell him he doesn’t need to be sorry. “I know I don’t have to be and that it was an accident, but I’m still sorry you had to go through this. But you need to know, TK, that even without my memories, I still loved you, almost from the start. I loved you.”

TK wraps his fingers around Carlos’ wrist, pulling his hand away as he gives him a teary but beautiful smile. “I know that, my love. I know.”

Carlos nods as his eyes sting again, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I love you, TK. Then, now, and forever.”

TK lets out a shaky exhale, and when he tugs Carlos forward, he goes easily, sighing against TK’s lips as he kisses him gently. “And I love you, Carlos,” he says against his lips with another smile. “Exactly the same way.”

[woodchoc-magnum]

L0ne St@r 2x12 Hate Watch

DO NOT REBLOG THIS ONE - thanks, I’m trying to fly under the radar with my negative opinions here

Usual disclaimer, and I mean it this time: If you watch and love this show, that’s great and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Please don’t read this - simply go about having a lovely day.

If you do love this show and T*rlos and are braving this anyway - do not come in here. I mean it. This is not a T*rlos friendly zone. I do not ship it. Please enjoy your ship in peace and harmony. I have no intention of getting into arguments with anyone, I will simply ignore you.

I have done everything I can to avoid this showing up in the tags, whatever the LS tags are. Don’t send me hate on anon because I’ll delete them; I don’t care if you think I should stop watching the show, I’m not gonna. I like to suffer.

Eddie Diaz for calm and strength and to centre ourselves:

Hate, as always, under the cut:

Let's do this fucking thing, I've heard bad things about this episode

And I already know I'm wrong about the arsonist which is ANNOYING but maybe also too obvious so that's okay, I also know who the arsonist is and all the main plot points but I’ve still got to watch it to really appreciate the subtle nuances of the episode:

Oooh Billy

I ship it

Billwen for the win

This show is so dumb

Billy is smarter than Owen, maybe he should be the captain of the 126

I miss his lightning scars though

He's TWO HOURS LATER FOR DINNER

TK is looking as bland as always

They seriously waited for two fucking hours for this guy

Maybe should've put some deodorant on before going to dinner there Owen

You know I can't imagine the OG doing a storyline as dumb as this

So Carlos' dad thinks it's someone who works at the 126 or just a firefighter in general?

Well gosh darn it, it looks like Owen fits that profile exactly!

At least we get some Judd early in the episode and I love him

Angela Bassett is executive producer on this show as well? I hope she gets paid cash money for this

Billy is the red herring and I fell right into their trap

I just really wanted it to be him

Ooh Grace was listening

Oh it's 100% the arson investigator and Billy is 100% turning Owen in, I love him

Billy is amazing

He's my favourite character on this show

I hope he's not working with Owen to get the arson investigator? I hope he's actually this devious

I want him to be THIS DEVIOUS

Why the fuck does Owen wear that hoodie everywhere

TK is now having a little bitch fit

"they can't do that, can they?" he asks in a monotone, his face blank and devoid of expression

TK's real real dumb

Oh ho ho is this the shoving scene

IT IS

God Ronen CANNOT ACT

Okay so while I think it is wildly unbelievable that they would send TK's boyfriend to tell him that his father had been arrested by HIS father – it seems like a conflict – I would like to say that Carlos is being calm and reasonable

And TK is acting like a little BITCH

This is escalating quickly

Oh TK you so dumb

THE SHOVING

Wow

FOUR TIMES

Wow

Your fave is problematic, yo

Carlos deserves better than this whiny little piece of shit

And now, an interlude while I rant:

Let's talk about how Eddie Diaz yelled at Buck once in a supermarket and the fandom has never forgotten it; how his character has been villainised despite everything else going on in the show at the time, for that one fucking scene – let's talk about all the fics where Eddie hits Buck, or punches him, or rapes him – because you know those fics exist – let's talk about the "Eddie is violent" narrative that parts of this fandom like to push because Eddie yelled at Buck, one time, once, in a supermarket

Totally ignoring the fact that at no point at all, in any other episode he’s been in, has he been violent towards Buck, at all - let’s talk about how the street fighting arc was out of character for Eddie, because he was struggling to cope and looking for an outlet - let’s talk about how Buck and Eddie moved past that whole storyline and strengthened their relationship; how they built a family together, how they’re a team and they have each other’s backs no matter what, and how, not once in the entire show, have they ever been violent towards each other or pushed each other around in anger - NOT ONCE.

And let's talk about this scene, where TK, ya boy, ya sweet tender boy, just shoved the man he says he loved four times, violently, in front of people at the firehouse.

I betcha any money he doesn’t get tarnished with the Eddie-Diaz-is-violent brush, because he can do no wrong. He’s the fan favourite, and this is totally glossed over by the end of the episode and nothing will ever be said about it ever again.

Because wow, you guys. Wow. If this was my ship, I’d be pissed.

Back to the hate watch:

And I know that whole fight is for nothing because I know the plot twist – I know that the dads are working together in order to reveal the real arsonist, the investigator – so they've basically turned their children, who are in a relationship, against each other?

Also why is Billy allowed to be watching the interview?

Goddamn do we really have to show the gruesome burn victim photos

I really want Billy to be devious by the way, and not in on the plan

Oh here comes TK, looking like the little bitch he is

God he's a fucking awful actor

This is the dumbest plotline ever

Equating OWEN STRAND WITH THOR? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

BLASPHEMY

THOR IS THE GOD OF THUNDER

OWEN IS A DUMBASS

THE TWO ARE NOT EQUAL

Uh oh here comes the evil investigator

Do either of these men – Owen and Carlos' dad – stop to consider that what they're doing has kind of an impact on their children, who are currently in a relationship? No? Okay

Because this is one hell of an awkward situation

Does Owen genuinely think that Billy is the arsonist?

Interesting that the arson investigator wants any info Owen didn't give Carlos' dad, and he turned off the cameras/mics etc

This show is stupid

Arson investigator also knows that the sons are dating, interesting

"And you can pound sand!" oooh great comeback Owen

This episode is so BORING OMG

Why the fuck am I watching a shitty Law & Order knock-off when I should be watching a bonkers 911 episode

Oh no Judd's at Billy's

I really do think Billy Burke is good looking and it is a flaw of mine, I don't know what it is about him and he really doesn't look that good in this show but I really love Billy Burke okay

And I WANT HIM TO BE DEVIOUS

Oh Judd

Oh Judd thinks Billy is the arsonist

See this is why YOU DON'T LIE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Oh he punched him

God damn everyone is violent in this show

Judddddddddddddd

Uh oh here comes trouble to the "vagrant's" hospital room

Oh it's the arson investigator, their little bluff worked, incredible, amazing, flawless etc

Wow how amazing

It was the ol' switcheroo

Judd punched Billy for nothing

TK and Carlos nearly came to blows for nothing

Now Owen is allowed to watch the interrogation? They'll just let anyone watch those things these days

OH MAN ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT BILLY WAS IN ON IT WITH OWEN THE WHOLE TIME?

Damn it I wanted DEVIOUS god damn it

Fucking cowards

"I assumed it was probably a trap at the hospital which is why I went there anywhere"

But why is he lighting fires

A FEW MONTHS?

A man is dead

Pure theatre

So annoyed that Billy isn't devious

But the Billwen ship sails on, clowns 🤡

Do we think the arsonist has the hots for Owen? 100% yes, right?

He's very happy to see him wink wonk

This doesn't even feel like an episode of 911, it's so goddamn dumb

"I knew you had darkness in you too" – that dude definitely wants to fuck him

Why is he lighting the fires?

They're so dumb

"And now I'm going to repay the favour" – he's talking about YOUR SONS

WHO HE KNOWS ARE TOGETHER

Wow these two dumbasses really have no fucking idea do they

OH HE'S BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

Wow this is graphic

What the fuck is up with this show and the horribly graphic scenes lately?

That dude is dead yo

"Take away everything that's important to me" AND HE CALLS THE FIREHOUSE FIRST

THE FIREHOUSE IS THE FIRST FUCKING CALL???

Oh okay it did blow up and TK was there so I'll allow it

But hey look on the bright side – Owen gets to remodel again!

And isn't that what he's the best at?

Yo your firehouse is on fire dudes, better call the fire department

Does Judd apologise to Billy or no

Oh here we have TK and Carlos and their perfect love

And Carlos is the one apologising?

No.

Please tell me no

Carlos you are allowed to be pissed at him – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

"nobody has to apologise?"

YOUR BOYFRIEND PUSHED YOU AROUND

Oh my god

Wow

Okay.

Look I'm just saying that to me this would be a GIGANTIC RED FLAG but wtf do I know

I'm just saying because I have to – if Carlos was a woman and TK did that? Whole different story gang

Whole completely different mother-fucking story

This show, wow

Wow.

Wow. This is bad.

Domestic violence happens to men too, just saying.

Wow I'm so annoyed that I've paused it to type furiously and rant that wow, they're just not acknowledging that TK was totally out of line? Okay. Wow.

And everyone's just fine with it?

Oh they're just figuring out that he set more than one fire

Maybe there's something else you care about other than the firehouse, Owen

Maybe?

BILLY IS THE ONE WHO FIGURES IT OUT

See this is why Billy is the best

Oh no TK and Carlos are in danger

Oh it's so romantic isn't it? They're gonna fuck now that everything is okay

Wow he left a lot of bombs in Carlos' house

Damn Carlos is hot

No smoke alarms?

That fire has really taken ahold there guys

I'm gonna assume you do have smoke alarms and he disconnected them

Wow he really covered all bases didn't he

Put the bombs in the bedroom as well

RIP Carlos' nice house

"I love you too" after I violently shoved you around today

Oh who needs a fucking fire department when you've got Owen fucking Strand right?

"Carlos" he says flatly. "How are you doing?" he asks in a monotone

"I should've had an extinguisher in the bedroom" DUDE NO ONE DOES

And if TK wanted one in there, he's the fucking firefighter, he should've checked when he moved in instead of assuming like a dumbass

God this show is dumb as fuck and I hate it so much

Billwen for the win

"just a couple of crap magnets" fucking a-men Judd

This show sucks

Oh no TOMMY OH NO

WHAT'S HAPPENING

OH MY GOD

WHAT THE FUCK

What the fuck

Is he dead?

TAKE OWEN AND TK INSTEAD

I’m going to say one more thing about this T*rlos storyline - if they’d done this to Buck & Eddie in the OG, I’d be fucking devastated. Like... if Buck or Eddie pushed the other around the way TK pushed Carlos around, I’d be absolutely gutted. It’s really horrible that they went down that path - whether it’s OOC or not, and you can probably argue that it is - they shouldn’t have included the scene like that in the show. 

It just raises a whole slew of questions, like... is TK violent? Is Carlos used to being pushed around in relationships? Is the show saying that it’s okay that they got a little physical because they’re both men? Domestic violence is never okay, and this is kind of... saying that it is, in certain circumstances?

That is problematic as fuck and such bad writing.

These two are in a relationship where they are living together and supposedly love each other, and this is how the writers choose to portray it? If you’re a T*rlos shipper and you’re upset about this episode, I get it. It’s really fucking terrible that they included that scene - and I would bet cold hard cash it’ll never be addressed again.

This is why LS is a bad show. It’s shitty writing. Shitty storylines. Characters who are interesting are shoved into the background and glossed over in favour of the male white characters. The OG doesn’t have this problem - for everyone complaining that Eddie hasn’t been featured as much this season (and yeah, I hate it too) - you can’t complain that the characters of colour don’t get equal screentime. 

With LS - it’s the Rob Lowe show, and everyone else is just in the background. And that’s why it’s so frustrating to watch - they have a great cast, and this could be a really good show, but it’s just not.

Do you think the LS writers patted themselves on the back after this arc and were like, "yeah we nailed it, we're amazing?"

This episode is -1,000000/10. This show should be cancelled.

Two god awful miserable fucking episodes to go.

Diaz to cleanse:

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1: LONE STAR REACTION

This reaction is for the season 3, eighteenth episode titled “A Bright and Cloudless Morning" which originally aired on May 16, 2022. The episode was written by Bob Goodman and directed by Bradley Buecker. Spoilers ahead!

So, we've come to the end of another season of Lone Star and I must say, this has been the best season of the show thus far. In our season three finale, we get three stories, all of them revolving around the theme of life and death. Let's start with the plot that we left off with in the last episode.

When we last saw Judd, he was in total Papa Bear mode. After Wyatt bombed his interview last episode, Judd was left feeling like he'd pushed his son too far out of his comfort zone. In order to fix things, Judd decides he's going to convince the millennial asshole owner of the business Wyatt is trying to intern with to give his son another interview. While Judd heads inside the building, Wyatt stays put in the truck. Judd barges into the middle of a meeting and is immediately rebuffed by the owner. As the two of them go back and forth, there is an explosion that levels most of the building and causes the floor underneath them to collapse. 

Wyatt witnesses the explosion and immediately calls 9-1-1. A dispatch who isn't Grace and Dave takes the call but thankfully Grace is sitting nearby to commandeer the call when she overhears Wyatt's name. A part of me felt bad for the other dispatch because normally it would be a very douchey move if someone took over a call the way Grace did. In fact, I believe most of the fandom hated Claudette in the OG series for pulling a similar stunt with May. RIP, Claudette. You were messy, but you didn't deserve to go out like that. Anywho, Grace is now talking with Wyatt and she learns that judd was inside the building when it exploded. I honestly felt so bad for both her and Wyatt during this scene because Wyatt is not handling the situation well and neither is Grace but she has to remain in control of the call. 

We head back over to our disaster site. Judd is alert but his leg is broken ... again. At least if he had to break a leg, let it be the one that was already broken. He immediately goes into first responder mode, something the asshole owner doesn't approve of. However, he soon changes his tune when one of his employees succumbs to injuries sustained from being trapped under a piece of floor. I want to pause here and say that I've noticed there's been a trend of how heavier guys are portrayed on both this show and the OG series. I remember when the poor guy in season one of the OG series died after he slipped and fell from a roller coaster car. Then there was the security guard who fell off a building but was saved by his belly when he got trapped between two buildings. Now we have yet another victim who just so happens to be on the bigger side. What you trying to say 911? I'm side-eyeing you. Okay, back to the story.

Grace calls Judd's phone and she gets him hooked up with the other members of the 126. With some assistance from Marjan and Paul, Judd, millennial asshole owner, and his two employees are guided to safety. I love seeing the relieved look on Grace's face as she learns Judd is okay. It was yet another reminder of all these two have gone through over the past year. As Judd is being strapped onto a backboard for transport, the building sustains another collapse ... with Owen inside. 

Before we get into Owen, I want to talk about TK and Carlos. Towards the beginning of the episode, we see TK recounting his last argument he had with Carlos.  Apparently TK takes objection to Carlos making a will. I know the fandom at large is all about the Tarlos ship on this show. However, my only qualms about this pairing is how no one ever mentions just how immature and naive TK can be when it comes to his job and his relationships. Now I know most people in their late-20s/early-30s probably aren't pondering their mortality to the point of making a living will. However, due to the nature of the what TK does on a day to day basis, being a paramedic and all, I'm just really surprised that no one has ever recommended he do this. Don't first responders have a Human Resources department they can go to for things like this? Anywho, TK is shocked to discover that most of his coworkers have living wills drafted and I love that Nancy is the one who pointed out that hey, TK - you've had quite a few life or death situations over the last few years. Let's count them! TK nearly died from an overdose at the beginning of the series. TK was shot towards the end of season one. TK was taken hostage in season two - AND - TK nearly died in a house fire alongside Carlos. TK nearly succumbed to hypothermia after he became submerged in an icy pond at the beginning of this season, he nearly died in a plane crash, and he was drugged by a psychopath which caused him to lose his sobriety. TK has nine lives and I'm afraid he's used up most of them. If anyone needs a living will, it's TK Strand.

Owen shows up at the perfect moment to give his son a dose of reality. Thankfully, this leads to TK doing some introspection. By the end of the episode, he does decide to make a living will and feels the need to wake up Carlos in the dead of the night to let him know this ... oh, and also shoehorn in a marriage proposal. I'm sorry, y'all. This proposal scene was garbage and it's just more emotional manipulation on TK's part. Carlos even suggests that maybe they revisit the conversation in the morning when heads are clearer, however, TK insists that he's not proposing out of fear even though a part of me thinks he is. Carlos does acquiesce to his proposal and in the final scene of the episode we see them sharing the news with Marjan, Paul, Nancy, and Mateo. Yay ... I guess! (shrug emoji).

Okay, now we can talk about therapy. I loved that we got to see Gwyn (Lisa Edelstein) again, even if it was only in flashbacks and the one scene where she was a ghost. After a flashback to the morning of September 11th, we see Owen sitting in his oncologist's office. At first I was confused if this was also a flashback but Owen mentions that he's already battled cancer once so I figured we were in the present day. There's a mass on Owen's lung which could be his cancer reemerging, disrupting his remission, and this him in the complete opposite direction that TK is in this episode. While TK is trying his damndest not to think about his mortality, Owen wallows in it and I honestly felt bad for him. Fans of the show love to poke fun at Owen and his antics but behind all of the bravado and self-centered behavior is a broken man who has seen more death in his fifty-plus years of living than most people ever will no matter how long they live. 

Owen volunteers himself to go find the missing maintenance man and gas company employee who were in the basement when the explosion happens. Mateo tags along and when they find the maintenance man, Owen sends Mateo away and tells him he's going to try looking for the other guy. There's another explosion due to all of the gas lingering in the air which causes a secondary collapse. Owen is knocked out and when he comes to, he hears someone calling out to him. This scene was so well done because up until it was revealed that the guy was someone who died in one of the towers on 9-11, I assumed the guy Owen was talking to was the missing gas company employee. 

The guy Owen is talking to is someone he tried and failed to save. The fact that Owen has been carrying the guilt of not being able to save this guy with him for over twenty years is utterly heartbreaking. Thankfully, Owen is rescued and pulled from the building. I swear I teared up as we saw members of the 126 smiling at him alongside members of the firehouses Owen worked with when he was in NYC. It was this beautiful depiction of him vacillating between life and death and thankfully he chooses life. 

Well, turns out, Owen doesn't have cancer which is a big relief because we've already seen poor TK lose one parent this season, I don't think we or he could've handled finding out his other parent was terminal. One thing I hope they work on next season with the Owen and TK father/son dynamic is that more than ever, these two seem like they are miles apart despite living in the same state and working together. When this show first debuted, one thing I liked is that we had a father/son relationship at the center of the show. I hope we get back to it because I love seeing Owen in dad mode. 

By the end of the episode, we see all of our characters in a good place. We see Tommy having fun with her daughters. She's been through so much in the last year with grieving the loss of her husband to making the decision to start dating again to having a dalliance with her late-husband's baby brother. I wonder what's next on the horizon for Tommy Vega. I hope we continue seeing her be a badass. I want to see more of her friendship with Judd and Grace. Maybe we can see her dating someone that isn't her former brother-in-law and the uncle of her daughters. We also see Judd and Grace and their beautiful baby girl, Charlie. As I've mentioned many times before, they are my favorite pairing on the show. They, too, have been challenged this season with Grace giving birth in the middle of a snowstorm to Judd finding out he had a son to Judd's life being in danger in this episode. I hope next season we get to see more of them being parents. I love Grace's relationship with her stepson, Wyatt, so we hopefully see more of that. With Wyatt graduating high school, I wonder what's next on the horizon for him as well. I hope he is made a regular character next season.

Then we have our newest pairing of the show. I love that we got to focus more on Mateo and Nancy this season but I still think there is much to be learned. In many ways, Mateo has felt more like Owen's son this season than TK, and I love the mother/daughter relationship Tommy and Nancy have. I love Mateo and Nancy as a couple and I can't wait to see what next year brings for the two of them. Then we have Marjan and Paul. Things were kinda rocky between them for a bit but I'm glad we got past that. I love their friendship and I hope we get to see more of it next season. My only qualm with these two characters is that they feel so under-serviced. There is still so much about Marjan we still don't know. We've never met any of her family. At least we know about Paul's family and I'd love to see his mom and sister come back. Here's to hoping. 

And then we have our other couple of the series - TK and Carlos. What a journey these two have been on and I'm just talking about season 3. We started the season off with TK and Carlos broken up and then it took TK nearly dying for them to reconcile. Then TK lost his mother and sobriety in rapid succession but the two of them remained steadfast in their relationship. Now they're engaged and to be honest I have mixed feelings about it. I think TK has a lot of growing to do independent of Carlos and I think TK needs to seek therapy. I know there's no such thing as a perfect relationship but I'm honestly nervous to see what will happen with these two next. Finally, we have Owen - our fearless leader. I've gone up and down and back and forth with Owen Strand this season. We saw some of his worst qualities come out this season but in these last few episodes we've seen some of the best parts of Owen - finally. I think Owen is best when he's not pursuing a relationship. Like TK, Owen needs therapy and thankfully he is getting it. I would love to see him bond with someone without there being a romance involved. Other than Tommy, we really don't see him hang out with any of the other characters that much. Maybe he and Billy can forage a genuine friendship. That's what I'm looking forward to next season,

To hang a hat on season 3, I have to say this has been the best season yet. We got introduced to some amazing characters - Wyatt, Catherine, and Julian. We said goodbye to Gwyn which was rough. We said hello to baby Charlie. The four-part season opener was a banger and this episode ended things on a high note as well. I'm so happy to hear the 126 will be back for a new season next year. But for now, I'll just binge the seasons that we have. It's been fun reacting to these episodes. Until next time ...

[pragmatic-optimist]

☀️ IBoatedHere 👀

send me a ☀️ + your ao3 and i’ll tell you my fav fic(s) of yours 

Rae!!! I went back to read through my bookmarks to help me with this ask. This led to me re-reading each fic (again) and realizing the task of picking favorites would be a tall order. In order to narrow this down, I decided to choose from fics that I have not commented on previously. But in the time it took me to answer this ask, you shared two more incredible stories. I stuck to my original choices, but there was a moment of second guessing. So thanks for making this harder! 😆

Prepared and Shared:

This story is a GIFT to Carlos Reyes fans. I don’t think it is a secret that Carlos is my favorite character on this show. I am pretty vocal about it. 😂 Sometimes one of the hardest things about being a Carlos stan is the limited details we get about his backstory. So this story was much needed and appreciated. You gave us the insight into Carlos’ background we've been craving and it’s a lovely journey from beginning to end. In addition, you also provide us with a wonderful explanation of where he gets his gourmet chef skills and love of cooking, along with an excellent depiction of how cooking is an extension of his caretaking.

Several parts of the story were excellent codas for season 1 and 2. Specifically, I love the moment you wrote following the 1x02 dinner scene. I won’t spoil it here for folks, but what you wrote is canon in my head. The way you wrote Carlos in that scene, the insight into his thoughts after that spectacular failure of a meal, and TK’s disbelief that Carlos could still be so Carlos after everything? Glorious tension and I ate it all up.

Your entire depiction of TK and Carlos’ relationship and its progression? ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE FRENCH TOAST. THE DOG TREATS. So much teasing. These scenes were incredibly funny and profoundly heartwarming at the same time, which are two key elements I associate with your writing. You consistently have me back and forth between these emojis: 🥺🤣😍

The Reyes Family + TK dinner scene was SO GOOD. The Andrea and TK stuff you write is some of my favorite, I love their dynamic so much. I really want them to be BFFs, even if Carlos will pay the price lol. We know he will secretly love it.

The flash-forward had me grinning like a damn fool. I want to give a special shout-out to your Judd (you capture his voice exactly as it is on the show). The back and forth between Judd and TK, plus everyone else in the scene, was reminiscent of a classic sitcom comedic moment. 

I remember you once mentioning that you wanted to write Carlos in a way that makes him as complex of a character as he deserves to be. This is just one of several stories where you accomplish this goal. You’ve done a stellar job of fleshing out his character in a nuanced way and it feels authentic to the Carlos in canon. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

A Shared Weight:

Surprise, surprise. Another Carlos-focused fic. Lol. I chose this story because it contains so many of my favorite things: TK being a soft, supportive boyfriend; the 126 rallying around Carlos; FOUND FAMILY FEELS; an Andrea and Carlos mother/son moment; the Reyes family ranch as the setting (I am very emotionally attached to the Reyes ranch and we’ve never even seen it in canon 😂).

Everyone being there made sense and every job/task they had fit them so well. Again, this is another moment I wish we could see on screen. Sometimes on 911 LS, it feels like the writers are stuck on how to bring the whole group together outside of work. They really leaned into game nights and parties this past season, which I did enjoy because it gave necessary screen time to characters we love. I just wish we also had them come together as a group to rally around Tommy towards the end of the season. I love the quiet moments as much as the celebratory moments between the characters. This story was a great example of how to use a quiet moment to build meaningful relationships between the characters. You wrote all of the interactions here so beautifully. 🥺

Quality Andrea and Carlos scene. I love their chat about found family and TK. I’m actually a little emotional thinking about it as I write this. Carlos Reyes is a mama’s boy and no one can tell me otherwise.

The end scene with TK and Carlos. Once again, you had me 🤣😍🥺. It was perfectly them. 

I really love this story and the focus on having Carlos be comforted/supported when he needed it most. He is definitely not the type to ask for help to avoid feeling like an inconvenience or a burden. You wrote this before 2x12 and up until that point, we had only seen Carlos being a pillar of support for TK and Michelle. So reading this story was especially touching because we had not yet seen Carlos being cared for in this way on screen. You are really keeping Carlos fans fed through fanfic, bless you.

Honorable mentions: When You Think You Are In Pieces (There are many parallels between Judd/Grace and TK/Carlos in canon. This story does a nice job of mining one of those parallels so that Judd can help TK come to an important understanding about his relationship with Carlos. Loved it.) + This Is How You Fall In Love (I am such a fan of missing moments, especially ones focused on key moments in a relationship. I really enjoyed this, each scene for each stage was well-executed. Honesty and Stability were my favorite. Everyone should read this one, I can’t believe this was your first Tarlos fic. You were knocking it out of the park right out of the gate.) + Soapy Dishwater Drips (Sometimes nonlinear writing confuses me because I get a little lost. Lol. But this was great, each vignette was better than the one before it. This is the kind of story that makes the reader fall even more in love with TK and Carlos’ relationship. I reached the end and knew I would be back to read it again and again).