#he walks past me in the street with all his gym bags nd stuff

[husbo-venus]

oooooooooo I have had ENOUGH of these grindr boys

[purplejeeplife]

Hiking, a pee skirt, and other ramblings

Yesterday was spend doing laundry, sorting my storage unit to label and have my clothes containers at arms reach. It took longer than expected and when I got done, I went just a short 1-2 miles where a few hiking trailheads are. Now, to the average person, going to an average trailhead may not be a big deal. But, let me talk about transportation. Having this jeep is an enormous change. It used to be that when I wanted to go hiking, it would take me 3-4 hours round trip just to GET THERE. I lived in a much bigger city a little over 30 miles away where there isn’t actual hiking in that city. I would first take the bus to the train to the downtown transit center where I would then grab another hour long bus ride, and then a 20 min uphill walk just to get to the trailheads to get to my hiking destination. My favorite hike takes about an hour to the top, and I like to stay up there and stare at the mountains, meditate or journal. One time I was up there past 2 hours. When you add this all together, it would literally take my whole day up just to arrive, hike, and then return home. But my roommates always saw a very distinct demeanor in me when I got back, and then when I finally would take them too, they’d so “oh, now we see why you’re so happy when you get back from hiking. “ The mountain scenery is so beautiful that it makes me feel like I’m standing looking at a giant unreal painting. I grew at sea level only an hour from the Ocean with just a few mountains scattered around my state, and now I’m in a state with unlimited mountains, many is them at pretty high elevation. I think one reason mountains move my soul is because them make me feel so small, in a very good way. There’s just some kind of unbudged encouragement they whisper to me: “look at us, we’re tall and mighty and don’t move and travel like you do, and but there’s a lot we can do for the humans that accept our challenges. “ Some of the most prolific human achievements can be tied to mountains, in the literal and figurative sense. I can’t say I’m a true mountain climber, but I can say with certainty that I know a good amount of people who’d never attempt to go on the hikes I go on. I once brought 4 friends who were family members and the parent was worried the whole time, and wanted to turn around. She saw ledges and rocks that fall was within easy reach. And was telling them “go this way, don’t go that way, be VERY CAREFUL right now, this isn’t safe. She wasn’t enjoying herself and if had it her way, would have turned around and never came back. This was on a relatively low-key hike. I can’t imagine how she would have reacted if I’d taken them on my now favorite hike where there’s a section you actually have to climb a rock, putting her feet and hands in the designated holes, ladder like style. It’s not uncommon for me to overhear a new tourists wondering out loud “we’re getting up, but how are we going to get down on the way back?” I admit, the first few times I did it, I was nervous too, but like anything else in life, you get used to it. I am certainly afraid of heights, but if beautiful scenery is involved, it is certainly enough motivation to nudge me in the right direction of just going for it. One time a friend made a comment that I should be really careful going hiking alone. I tried to politely accept her well-meaning intent, but part of me scoffed inside “if I only ever went hiking with a buddy, I’d almost never get any hiking done, nor would I enjoy is at much. For me the therapy in hiking isn’t just the mountains, it’s spending time being able to think and digest about life and the challenges I’m facing. Spending time with people can be very deeply rich, but some of us are introverts and also need to sift through happenings with a high ratio of alone time. Also, I can be untethered to the world as long or little as I want and at the pace and skill level that I want. Also, the chirping of birds, rustling of squirrels and occasional inquisitive stares of 10 deer eyes looking up at you, their delicate deer frozen while the process if you’re a thing they should run away from. Usually they decide I’m not and go back to munching leisurely. This is the kind of stuff that I could spend 10 minutes enjoying while another hiker might want to move on after 30 seconds. One time I was walking to the ferry on an island and had conversations with cows that were just within 10 feet of me. I don’t know what it is about the exchange with animals, but few things in life are comparible. Once when I was overseas, I told a goat he was beautiful and he seemed to hear me, his “BAHH” timing impeccable from my compliment. Another tourist nearby overheard and also laughed at the irony or timing. I’ll never know if his instincts actually understood but I have to say I do believe animals are very intelligent in a way that most humans just shrug off. I’m not an activist for animals, but my life does reflect certain methods of living that are more mindful of animals than the average person in America. Let’s just say if I lived in India, I’d be in good company as a person who refuses to intentionally eat meat of any capacity. Heck, I don’t even like killing spiders, though I don’t exactly like them, I don’t think they deserve to die just for existing. Just as well, I don’t think that animals exist for humans eating them. If I lived in a world where there was no such thing as factory farming, and all people and religions followed how Muslims slaughter their meat, the world would be a better place. I don’t like that any animals are slaughtered, however I do understand the reasons why people eat meat, so if some animals have to be slaughtered, Halal meat is the best in my opinion. You can find it in many Arabic or Muslim  restaurants and supermarkets.

As I hiked, I kept stopping to check on the paraglider above me. In my checkered black and white plad shirt and multi-colored scarf, I think they looked down and saw me as a vibrant colorful speck. In some weird way I felt connected to this person: both enjoying the same exact geographical location yet from complete different perspectives and using completely different body parts and bits of courage. I silently vowed that someday I wanted to try this, and now that I’m so close in proximity everyday, how much more possible it is than when I was confined to buses taking me back to a sleeping house every time I went hiking. I even eyed the road I parked on as a potential sleeping place. A field on one side, houses on the other, a bathroom near, and no street lights to help me be stealthy. I can’t deny how I secretly wish to hear animal voices instead of human voices walking by. How invigorating would it be, two animals in their own right, just eating, sleeping, peeing without excess or drama to cloud the night. I’ve easily learned how much each inch is valuable and how irritating it is to constantly have to move things around at night just to get situation to sleep. I still have more trial and error to experience but thank god for the storage unit that’s only 2 miles from the gym I use to shower [and pool run]. As a beginner, I’m glad I’m learning van life in just one city and not as a traveler. I’ve packed lightly for trips on planes to big cities I knew I could be anything I needed, like a sweatshirt or deodorant, but traveling upwards 8 hours through deserts of mountains would have to make planning have different edge than any of my vehicles trips. Especially when the car is also the roof over head, and traveling alone. Traveling alone on an airplane or bus is different than being on a deserted highway alone in a car. So, luckily I am learning the basics of car-living with the training wheels luxury of always being in the same city right now.

 Last night after I found my spot, I saw about 5 cop cars drive me. I’d seen a police station 2 nights before I omitted the spot a block away that I had eyed as potential sleeping spot. But last night I guessed that as long as I laid low, none of the cop cars would notice. I have now decided not to pursue curtains as I can lay in my sleeping bag without an onlooker seeing human hair or flesh. I have a dinosaur-sized sleeping back that’s grey, and it’s so long that I put it over my head. Yesterday I invested in a grey colored pillow case which I think helps blend even more so that if there’s an occasional inch or few peering out from the pillow, it doesn’t stand out as a pillow as much. When I’m snugged in, the sleeping bag can cover my entire head and most of the pillow. My hips and legs are covered from the removable trunk top, which makes moving around without a ton or freedom, but I’d rather have the lower part of my body covered than take it down so that if someone does bother to look with a flashlight, they’ll just see half of a sleeping bag, which for all they know could be folded up without someone in it. Of course the vision I think it looks like might be different than reality because I can’t see it for my own eyes, but I can say of all the way I could have my jeep and sleeping bag set up, this way is the most chance to pass for stealth. The main downside is that sometimes if I want my face to hit the air, I just have my face exposed. But if I hear or sense anyone walking, I can quickly divert to pulling the sleeping back up. Peeing has to be done with a bit more planning and caution, but luckily I don’t spend nearly as much time peeing as sleeping. And thanks to Target, for the 2nd night in a row, I’ve successfully been able to pee in mostly stealth. I have a long black skirt that has slits up each side, so I can sit and pee in my container while it’s hidden under the skirt. It might not sound fun, but compared to having nothing, a skirt is much relief. I usually scout every direction with full force, of course, to assure no cars are coming before I start. Though the night before last, a pedestrian through me off. I hadn’t seen him until he walked past my car, and then directly after saw another pedestrian walking their dog, which by then I was done but it just taught me that even if the coast looks clear, a person can blend in darkness easier than I realized. That was the first day I had my skirt, so person wouldn’t have seen anything more than an akward person sitting on something dressed in a skirt, there seemed to be no paid attention towards my direction and as I watched his gait, I realized they were walking as a drunk person would. But even if they weren’t drunk, a giant theme that seems to be resurfacing is that most people don’t look twice at a parked car. I’ve been astounded at how many beings pass me unnoticed by my presence. The first night, I even realized there was in a woman in the car behind me parked, applying make-up. It was around 1am I think, and I thought  “OH shit,” but she was looking in her mirror and not at my car. I ducked for a while and when I came back, she and her car were gone. I do have tinted windows, but in some lighting, that doesn’t count for helping much.

*a few minutes after I posted this, I got a return call from one of the fri interview places, so I might be having two job interviews tomorrow. 

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