#he tries to make them try scrapple

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

doin some research for a picky eater dallas fic (which is real funny to me cause most of my search history is now things like 'most popular branded snack 1965' 'corner store brands 1965' 'pulled chicken recipe' 'southern collards recipe') n it has opened my eyes to some incredibly untapped comedy that is Dallas havin the most bland ass northern taste n the others bein absolutely horrified

[hockeynascarfan91258]

Banner made by me!

A/N: Here is Chapter 2. If you need to catch up and the link to Chapter 1 is provided at the end of this Update.

It's been a few days since Eden started her relationship with both Sid and Kris. The day after the gala was Valentine's Day Sid took her out on a nice little date of playing golf before they headed to the game. After the game in which they won and Sid and Kris had both scored a goal and gotten an assist, they head back to Sid's and they celebrated with Kris who had made them all dinner. And of course they had ended the night with wild steamy sex. Eden made sure she was packed and ready as after the Penguins game ended she was headed to the Daytona. She was happy that rain was on her side.

She had her car at the arena with her bag in it. As soon as the game was over she was going to head to the airport and fly to Daytona and Chase going to meet her at the airport.       The game had just started.    They were playing the Red Wings.     Eden was happy.

The Penguins ended up winning and again both Sid and Kris had a goal.    Eden went to clean up and put things away and stock up for the next game.   She then went to look for Sid and Kris to say goodbye before she left for Daytona.  

Eden heads into the locker room.    The guys have all left except for Kris and Sid.    They had media before they could shower and suck.    She walks in and Sid was sitting in front of his make locker stall.   He hadn't showered yet either.    Eden goes over and climbs into his lap.

"Hey baby." Sid says.

"Hey are you okay?" Sid asks.

"Yes just didn't want to leave cus I know when we do I will be going home with out you." Sid says.

"Aww baby.  It's just a few days.   Then I will be back here." Eden says.

"I know but with him." Sid says.

"Who Chase?" Eden asks.

"Yes Chase." Sid says.

"He's just my best friend.   Yes I love him to pieces  but not like the way I love you." Eden says.

"I'm afraid you are going to leave me for him because you don't want to share me with Kris." Sid says.

"Hey look at me baby.   I would never leave you baby or Kris." Eden says.

"Are you sure?" Sid asks.

"Unless you cheated with another girl then yes I am sure." Eden says.

"Okay." Sid says looking up into her eyes.

Eden sees a bunch of emotions swirling in them.    She leans down and kisses him.    One kiss lead to another until they were fighting for control of the kiss.     Soon they were all but ripping each other's clothes off.    Eden then lowers herself down onto Sid's cock and starts to move riding him.

"God baby that's it ride my cock." Sid moans leaning back against his locker watching her.

"God baby you feel so good inside me stretching me." Eden moans throwing her head back in pleasure.

"Hmm you look so pretty taking my cock up inside your sweet pussy, tits bouncing as you ride me cow girl." Sid groans.

Eden starts to move harder and faster.    Sid leans forward and starts to attack her breasted with his mouth ravaging them both making Eden Yelp out in pleasure.

"Fuck Sid." Eden screams.

"That's it baby let them know who is fucking you, making you feel so good." Sid moans.

He flips her onto her back on the bench and starts to pound into her.    Eden wraps her legs around his waist pulling him in further. 

"Sid oh god." Eden calls out as she digs her nails into his back.

"Cum for me pretty girl. " Sid begs knowing she was close.

"Sid god." Eden calls out as she cums hard.

Orgasm rushing trough her.

"Eden baby." Sid moans as he cums hard feeling her walls milking his release out of him.

They ride it out. 

"Hmm we need to head to the showers baby Kris is there waiting for us." Sid says.

"Hmm okay." Eden says.

Eden and Sid head to the showers.    Kris was in a stall locked in.    Eden and Sid shower together.    Eden finished before Sid and goes to get out.   She heads out to Sid's locker so she could get dressed.    She was drying off when   Kris comes up behind her wrapping his arms around her.    He was still wet from his shower.     Eden turns to face him.

"God all wet baby." Eden purrs at him.

"I am now question is are you wet for me?." Kris asks pulling her in for a kiss.

That was all it took.  Eden pulls off his towel and Kris pulls off her.  He then picks her up and slams her back into Sid's locker.   Eden wraps her legs around him letting him go deeper.

"God Kris." Eden moans.

"Sorry I needed you baby.   Its going to be fast and its going to be rough." Kris groans.

They both move together building each other up.    They call out each other's name as they both orgasm.    They ride it out.

"We need to get dressed and go out cus I have a plane to catch." Eden says.

"I know baby but me and Sid wanted to fill you up with our cum so you remember who you belong too." Kris replies kissing her.

Kris puts her feet on the ground so she could get dressed.    She does.   Sid comes out and both him and Kris get dressed.

"Safe trip baby, text me when you get to Daytona." Sid says kissing her cheek.

"I will baby.   See you guys Monday night." Eden says.

"Okay baby." Kris says kissing her too.

"Please play nice when Chase is here." Eden says.

"Can't make promises baby but we will try." Kris and Sid both say.

They then head out of the arena and up to their cars.    Eden gets in hers.    She had a text from Chase.

"After the game drive to the airstrip there is a surprise waiting for you." Chase texted.

"Okay see you soon." Eden replied.

"Sooner then you think. ;)." Chase  replies back.

Eden shook her head.    She then heads out to the airstrip.     A little bit later she arrives and parks.    There was a plane waiting for her that she didn't recognize.    She gets out of the car grabbing her bag.    She heads towards the plane as the door opens up and the steps come down.     Eden happily climbs them.    Waiting inside was none other then Chase, Ryan and Fletch.

"Hi baby." Eden coos as Fletch jumps all over her.

"Down Fletch." Chase says.

Fletch lays down immediately.

"Aww he just missed me." Eden says squatting down scratching his ears and rubbing his belly.

She then stands up and embraces Chase in the biggest hug.    Chase hugged her right back.

"Oh would you two get a damn room." Ryan says rolling his eyes chuckling.

"Hi to you too Ryan." Eden says.

"We better get going." Chase says.

"Yup got a race to run later today." Ryan says.

"Are you flying?" Eden asks Chase.

"Yup this is my plane." Chase says.

"Aww okay." Eden replies.

Chase heads to the cockpit.    Ryan and Eden take seats and buckle up.    When they were cleared they took off for Daytona.    Ryan and Eden both snooze on the flight.

A little bit later they Eden and Ryan woke as they were landing.

"Thanks for coming to get me with Chase."  Eden says.

"Always.   I am just glad you could come.   He has been so happy." Ryan says.

"I am glad I could come too.   I love watching him race." Eden replies.

"Yeah he has a surprise for you when he gets you back to the coach." Ryan says.

"He always does." Eden says smiling.

Chase finished got them on the ground safely.   He then turns off everything and heads out to get Eden and Ryan so they could get off the plane and head back to the track.   Chase comes out.

"Okay we can go now." Chase says leashing Fletch.

"I will take him." Eden says taking the leash from Chase.

"Okay I will get your bags." Chase replies.

Eden nods her head.   Chase grabs the bags and the three of them and Fletch get off the plane.    They head to Chase's car and get in.    Chase drives them to the track.   He shows his credentials and heads to the motor coach lot.    He pulls up beside his coach and parks.

"Thanks for going with me to get her." Chase says to Ryan.

"Anytime man." Ryan says.

"Goodnight Ryan." Eden says.

"Goodnight guys.   See you later today. " Ryan says.

He hugs them both and then heads off to his coach.    Eden walks Fletch over to the grass and lets him use the bathroom.    They then head back to Chase's coach and head inside.   Chase carries her bag into his room.

"Oh am I sleeping in here?" Eden asks.

"Figured you would want the bed.   I will sleep on the couch." Chase says.

"No that is okay Chase we can share the bed." Eden says.

"You sure?" Chase asks.

"Yes figured we could cuddle and watch Netflix until we fell asleep.   That way Fletch could sleep with us too." Eden says.

"Okay." Chase says.

He left her to get changed.    Eden changed into her pajamas and then called Chase back in.   Chase got ready for bed and they both climbed in.    Eden snuggled up against Chase.   Fletch jumped on the bed laying at their feet.

"I missed you Clyde." Eden says.

"I know princess I missed you too." Chase says kissing her head.

"So I have to tell you something.   I know I can and you won't judge me." Eden says.

"Never would I judge you." Chase says.

"Sid isn't just my boyfriend.   I am also dating Kris too." Eden says.

"Wait what?" Chase asks.

"Yeah apparently Kris and Sid are bisexual and are in a relationship.   So they wanted me to be in a poly relationship with them both." Eden replies.

"Okay, are you happy?" Chase asks.

"Yes." Eden says.

"Then I am happy." Chase says kissing her head.

"This is why I love you so much.   You always support me and have my back." Eden says.

"I love you just as much.   I will always have your back and I will always support you.   Just like I know you will always do the same with me." Chase says.

"Always." Eden says.

Chase and Eden cuddle as they watch netflix.    They end up falling asleep.

*****************************

Later that next morning Eden woke up to something smelling amazing.   She opens her eyes seeing Chase walk in with breakfast.

"Something smells so good." Eden says.

"Breakfast in bed for my princess." Chase says.

"Oh what did you make?" Eden asks.

"French Toast, eggs just like you like them, scrapple and sausage." Chase replies.

"My favorites." Eden says.

"Of course." Chase replies smiling.

He sits down and they both dig in.   Fletch tried to steal some.    Eden and Chase didn't feed him food but they did let him lick their plates when they were done.

"So what time is the race?" Eden asks.

"Four." Chase replies.

"Okay." Eden says.

"Since I am racing the hooters theme, I have an outfit for you." Chase says.

"Want me to be your hooters girl huh?' Eden asks chuckling.

"Of course." Chase replies.

Eden laughed.   She would do anything for him.   They hung out at the coach until it time for them to head down to the track.   Eden put her orange shorts and hooters shirt on.   She then links hands with Chase and they head down to the track.    Eden stood on Pitt lane while Chase did drivers intros.   Finally Chase joined her at his car.   Eden looped her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder.    They say a prayer and then the anthem was sung.   Finally it was time for Chase to climb into the car.

"Be safe baby." Eden says.

"I will.   See you after." Chase replies.

"Yes.  Good luck." Eden says.

She kisses him on the cheek.

"Love you Princess." Chase says.

"Love you too Clyde." Eden says.

Chase gets in the car and Eden took her seat on the box.  Ear phones on so she could hear Chase and Allan.

***************************

Meanwhile back in Pittsburgh.   Sid and Kris were at Sid's in the game room.    They were watching the Daytona 500.     During the anthem they zoomed in on Chase and there Eden was looking like a two bit hooker leaning against Chase.

"What the actual fuck." Sid says.

"How the fuck could she do that on National Tv." Kris says.

"She looks like a whore." Sid says.

"Yes and Chase is an asshole." Kris says.

Sid grabbed his phone.

"What the fuck are you doing Eden? Looking like a whore on National TV." Sid texted.

Eden didn't reply which only pissed Sid off more. He would have to teach her a lesson when she got home.

**********************

Eden was enjoying the race. Chase was running good and she was so proud of him.

Chase ended up winning the race and she was so happy and excited. She all but jumped off the box and read to victory lane. A few minutes later Chase pulled in and got out of the car. They celebrated him and then interviewed him. Eden goes over and kisses him.

"Congratulations Clyde I am so happy for you." Eden says.

"Thank you baby." Chase asks returning the kiss.

Eden got an idea. She took the checkered flag. After posing in a few pictures with Chase she left VL. She took the flag back and headed into the coach. She stripped out of her clothes snd wrapped the flag around her body waiting for him to come back.

A little bit later Chase finally came back and entered his coach.

"Eden you here?" Chase calls out.

"Yes in the bedroom." Eden replied.

Chase comes walking through the door a few seconds later.

"What is this?" Chase asks seeing her as she kneeled up on the bed.

"Come get your prize Clyde." Eden says.

Chase walked over to her. Eden locked eyes with him seeing the love and lust in them.

"Are you sure?" Chase asks.

Eden grabbed him by his firesuit belt pulling him closer to her kissing him. Chase kissed back. Eden reaches up and starts to pull down his suit. She then runs her hands up his chest as she lifts his under shirt up and over his head.

"God damn." Eden says voice hitching.

"Eden are you sure about this? Once we cross this we can't go back." Chase says.

"I know Chase trust me. I want this." Eden says.

She then finished taking off his suit followed by his boxers. Eden then looked him up and down wondering why she didn't do this sooner. Chase kisses her as he pulls the flag off her throwing it behind him.

"God Eden you are so beautiful. I love you so much." Chase says as he gently lays her back on the bed.

"You're not bad on the eyes either Clyde." Eden says.

"I don't have any condoms." Chase says.

"Chase I don't care I just need you. And wait why don't you have condoms?" Eden asks.

"Because I am still a virgin Eden. I love you and I was saving myself for you." Chase says.

"Aww Clyde. I love you too." Eden says.

Chase leans down kissing her softly as he pushed into her. Eden moans against his lips. He was a lot bigger then Sid and Kris so it took a few for her to adjust.

"God Eden." Chase moans out as he moves.

"That's it Clyde baby. Doing so good." Eden purrs as she moves with him.

Chase moans as he moved a little harder.

"God Chase that is it." Eden moans moving with him.

She digs her nails into his back as she moves.

"Fuck baby." Chase groans as it made him move harder.

"So close Chase so close." Eden moans.

"Me too baby, I am going to pull out since I don't have a condom." Chase says.

"No baby please cum inside me." Eden begs.

"Are you sure baby? Chase asks.

"God yes please. I want to feel you inside." Eden begs.

"God okay." Chase moans.

He thrusts into her a few more times.

"God Clyde baby." Eden calls out as she cums hard.

Her orgasm running through her.

"Eden baby." Chase moans as he cums hard her walls milking his release from him.

The ride it out together. They make love a few more times before falling to the bed spent. Eden was curled up against Chase's chest. They were still connected from their love making.

"God that was magical." Eden says.

"Really even with my inexperience?" Chase asks.

"God yes baby. You made me orgasm four times. That is pretty good for being a virgin." Eden says kissing his chest.

" I'm glad I lived up to the hype." Chase says kissing her head.

"You did and I love you." Eden says.

"I love you too Eden.   I have always loved you." Chase says.

"I know.   When we went to senior prom together everyone thought we were a couple then.   I should have listened to them and we wouldn't be here right now." Eden says sadly.

"Where do we go from here?" Chase asks.

"I am not sure but I love you.   However after a good nights rest we can figure it out." Eden says.

"Yes so true.    I have some media to do in the morning then I can fly us back to Pittsburgh." Chase says.

"Okay baby get some sleep." Eden says.

"You too princess,   Goodnight I love you." Chase says.

"Goodnight Clyde I love you too." Eden says.

They snuggle together with Fletch at their feel falling into a much needed sleep.

[libermachinae]

Drops in a Bucket, Splashes on the Ground

Also available on AO3! Tags: Mature, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Gen, Whirl (Transformers), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Whirl is Primus AU, Angst, would you believe me if i said i didnt set out to write another angst fic, whirl's just like that Wordcount: 4202 Notes: I would highly recommend you read "Bullets" or at least be familiar with Whirl's abuse of Rotorstorm before reading this fic. The scene containing graphic violence begins with "Tacticians always struggle..." and the scene referencing abuse begins "He shoves his way..." Please feel free to reach out if you need any further information.

~*~

“And I guess old Primus makes five.”

“Hah! No, no, no. That’s not Primus… you’re Primus.”

~*~

 Whirl has never been intimidated before. Not so intentionally, not by bots whose forged bodies have been piled on with armor and weaponry, no expenses spared by the ganglords. The Heavies rolled up on treads that left gouges in the streets, painful marks that tomorrow’s taxes will go to fixing, and their transformations took a full five seconds as excess plating moved out of the way while their protoforms tried to bend per their original configurations. They wear identical red visors and dark gray masks: faces, certainly, but only in the barest sense of the word, enough to separate them from lowlifes without affording them identity. It is impossible to tell one from the other and Whirl knows, intrinsically, that it will not matter.

 ~*~

 Rung is the only one who doesn’t flinch. Whirl stands over Adaptus’ body, freshly relieved of what they can all agree was a spectacularly ugly head, and puts away his gun.

“Right,” he says, with a meaningful glance out the window. “Want to agree none of us heard that?”

“Whirl!” Rodimus shouts. “You can’t just kill a god!”

The body explodes into a pile of dust.

“Sure I can,” Whirl says, shaking it off his foot even as he leans down to inspect the scrapple. “Hey Ratch, can you rig me to explode next time I get shot?”

“Is it true?” Nautica asks, doing her intellect a massive disservice by stepping in front of the unhinged bot with a blaster.

“Obviously not,” Ratchet says. “He was lying.”

Whirl nods.

“Yeah. You think I would keep it a secret from any of you if I was a god? You think Cyclonus would ever hear the end of it? Nah.” He stands, kicking pile and sending a spray of metallic dust into the air. “Awesome way to go, though, can’t say I’m not jealous.”

“That doesn’t mean you had to kill him for it.”

“So, you’re not Primus?” Nautica asks. She hasn’t moved, her arms crossed in front of her. If Whirl had been her creator (and he isn’t, he already has his claws full with a nest of scraplets), he would have been pretty proud of her right now.

“Nope!” he says. “I’ve never vouched for the universe before, but that kind of joke would take on an extra level of cruel, don’t you think?”

“Got to agree with Whirl, here,” Rodimus says, a hand on Nautica’s shoulder drawing her back. “I could buy pretty much anyone else. Maybe not Rung, but, say, Velocity? She could be Primus. Or Roller. I guess not Megatron, since we saw him come online, but—”

“The point, Rodimus,” Ratchet deadpans.

“The point is, not Whirl,” Rodimus said, sweeping his hands up to gesture at him. “I get Primus is disappointed in us. We are a textbook example of why a race of sentient war machines should never be left to their own devices, combined with a case study on how to avoid learning from every mistake you’ve ever made. But I really don’t think that disappointment would translate to actively hunting us for sport. Isn’t Primus supposed to be all about forgiveness and loving your cellmate?”

“Right,” Whirl says, clacking his pincers together in his approximation of a snap. “An angry god is so cliché.”

“I don’t think anyone knows what Primus believed,” Rung says. Oh no. He’s taken off his glasses. “I don’t see any reason he couldn’t be Whirl.”

“How about we start where the part where gods don’t exist, and Whirl does?” Ratchet suggests.

“I… I am Solomus, though.”

The whole group turns to the offending voice. Whirl goes for his gun and Rodimus knocks it out of his hand, a stern finger silently telling him not to kill any more gods. As if being an ex-Matrix bearer gives him some sort of say.

Tyrest has not stopped touching his gaudy mantelpiece, poking at the holes. It wouldn’t be so disturbing, except he’s staring at Whirl while he does it.

“Primus, don’t you remember?” he asks.

“Hey, let’s watch the fragging language.”

“Adaptus wanted to send our creations to pointless war,” Tyrest goes on. “Violence for the sake of violence, conquests built on the backs of others. We fought him.” He steps forward and reaches for Whirl. “Together, we—”

Whirl jerks back with his claws extended out.

“I will cut your hand off, I swear to—I swear.”

He is saved from any more interrogation by the ground violently rumbling underneath them.

“Okay, so regardless of whatever’s Whirl’s deal is, we do still have at least one Primus to worry about,” Rodimus says, looking out the window at the approximation of what Whirl, personally, had always assumed god would look like. “Solomus, you still got your teleporting rigged up?”

 ~*~

 No one ever considered giving The Institute a waiting room, so Whirl stands to one side of the hallway while the butchers discuss his case. He knows his proposal intrigues them: they have never had an opportunity to shadowplay a willing subject before. What is there to learn from a brain that does not fight them every step of the way? What backdoors exist that every other victim kept hidden? Whirl does not care about the potential scientific advancements his offer provides. He just wants to stop dreaming of gears, lose the phantom aches of his fingers. He wants to look in a mirror and see nothing: not himself, not a monster. Just an object, fulfilling its purpose.

The scientists who walk by him in the halls stare. Everyone stares, but the look they give him is different. They do not find him exceptional, nor do they feel for him pity or contempt. He is no marvel. He is a creation, perfectly engineered to suit its purpose, every detail minded with care to ensure it all works together as an ideal mechanism. He wishes he could see himself through their eyes.

The door beside him slides open and a bot he has never seen before steps out. His helm comes up no higher than Whirl’s waist and his large yellow optics do not look up from his datapad.

“Whirl of Polyhex, the panel has elected to reject your petition,” he says. “I am to remind—”

“What?” Whirl startles; his new head shoots upward, forcing him into an angle that is both unnatural and instinctual. “Why? Ice Pick said he could—”

“I am to remind you that you have signed a nondisclosure agreement; failure to comply will result in penalty of death.” The little bot flares his plating, the click of a motor lock setting it in place. “You will now submit to full stasis and be escorted back to your home.”

The jack comes from behind.

 ~*~

 “This is my hab suite.”

Whirl knows the tonal difference between a bullet hitting living metal and a wall. He scowls and gives up, waving Cyclonus inside.

“My room’s a mess,” he says. “Think I’m gonna crash here for a while.”

Cyclonus comes in and sits beside Whirl on the berth. When the door slides shut, they are visible only by their biolights: Whirl closed the shutters when he came in, the stars too much like blinking numbers. Cyclonus is a surprisingly quiet machine. His presence comes with none of the usual hisses and clicks one would normally get with their kind, like each component was designed specifically to work with those around it. Compared to Whirl, whose body is a wreck of pieces that almost fit together, clinking and scraping through their standard functions, he practically doesn’t exist.

“This is slagged, huh?” Whirl asks.

Cyclonus thinks on it a moment, then there is a shift of plating as he nods. Is it an admission, a confession? Pri—frag, Whirl doesn’t want to have to start thinking about that.

“Sorry,” he says.

“You don’t need to—”

“Scrap, you’re right. What am I doing?” Whirl laughs. “I’m infallible now, right? It’s all been part of my grand plan for Cybertron. I should be saying you’re welcome; you should be thanking me.”

Cyclonus sighs, a rush of air out his vents.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asks.

Whirl pokes and pinches at his own plating, trying to make sense of it.

“Yeah,” he says. “Start praying, and keep Megatron far away from me.”

 ~*~

 He’s spent two days in the holding cell before he realizes no one else is coming for him.

That Orion Pax… he’s good, and Whirl’s not sure whether it’s the kind that gets people hired or gets people killed. Not that it matters, not that he cares. The Senate’s going to crush all of them one by one, like little cans of oil under a rolling tank. He thought being a tread would come with some measure of relief; instead, it just landed him in a hole.

He digs a claw tip into the wall, another score among a small collection. He has been trying to reconstruct the miner’s face, what it looked like in the split second between recognizing he had been struck and realizing there was more to come. He can’t relish a memory if he can’t keep it, and he’s already struggling well enough to accomplish the former. This assignment was supposed to be a release. Look down at the big thinker and imagine in his place Senator Proteus, Sentinel Prime, the faceless Functionist Council. Tell himself that this is what it would feel like to rip their plating open until their priceless energon spilled onto a dirty floor.

The face, though, it’s escaping him. How can he fell anything about a person with no face? What relief is there to be found in beating the slag out of a nobody? He is trying so hard to adapt, but it’s like his processor is working against him, reminding him how far he got before he was reeled back in. The silhouette of his sketch is familiar.

His claws hurt where he has worn the tip blunt, and the portrait is still incomplete.

 ~*~

 “I don’t make Matrixes,” he insists. The group was polite enough to knock once they found him, but they’re failing to pick up the hint that he wants all of them to go away, right now, and leave him alone forever.

“Well, Epistemus says you can,” Rodimus says, dentae blocked together. “Why do all the other gods have their memories back, but not you?”

“I dunno, maybe Needles can stick me and figure it out.”

It’s almost cute, the way Rewind steps protectively in front of Chromedome.

“Rodimus,” Rung says, trying to get between them, “this isn’t helping.”

“Thank you,” Whirl says. “Now can we get to the part where we storm the planet, guns a-blazin’?”

“That won’t help either.” Rung turns to look at him. “Your memories haven’t been deleted, Whirl. Somehow, there should still be some part of you that remembers creating the Matrix.”

“The Functionists probably took it out,” Whirl says.

“That’s not how mnemosurgery works.”

“Says the dropout.”

“You told me once about your earliest memory,” Rung says. Whirl should be furious that he’s doing this here, in front of people who have no business knowing what’s in his head, but he’s more interested in the way Rung has taken off his glasses and is squinting up at him. “What happened just before it?”

They did not bring Ratchet, a testament to the fact that they will not leave before he gives them answers. He could start lying again, or find another way to forgo the question, but something about Cyclonus’ presence at his back helps him settle down the compulsion. Everybody lies about their forging. Everybody wants to say it was overseen by the Prime, or that they settled into their form like resin poured into a mold, instant and perfect. Whirl has a set of seven stories he deploys on rotation, ranging from heroic to beautifully tragic, and he spends a moment picking through them, trying to remember which was the real one.

“I showed up at the Functionsts’ place to get my docs in order,” he says. “I was… I was trying to get Polyhexian citizenship.” Awful city, but he had always sworn the energon tasted better there than anywhere else.

“But you said you were forged in Polyhex,” Rung says.

“Yeah. It was easier that way.” Whirl puts a claw to his head. “I… augh, nope. No, this is stupid.”

“Whirl—”

“No, I’m done,” he says, pushing Rung away. “Fully done, Rung. That’s right. You were god’s therapist, and he fired you. I’m gonna go take out a planet.”

 ~*~

 Tacticians always struggle with where to put Whirl on a battlefield. On the one hand, he’s an attack helicopter, equipped with long-range cannons and advanced aiming modules. Keeping him in the sky is the perfect way to set up a terrible surprise for Cons on the ground. On the other, he’s Whirl, and facing him head-on can be just as chilling and or fatal.

In the end it rarely matters which call they make because, as stated before, he’s Whirl. He will do whatever he damn well feels like. Right now, that means skimming over the top of the battlefield, sights trained on the odd dot who tries to disgorge themselves from the fighting mass. He is supposed to be providing support to the ground troops, peppering the Decepticon line so they can break through, but no one is going to complain about a few more dead soldiers.

A truck breaks free and he pitches down, giving chase, machine guns firing before he’s got a lock on. The ground explodes in shrapnel as they try to serpentine out of the way, but he keeps firing and soon enough their paths cross.

He riddles them. Their roof is already a puckered, punctured mass of warped metal before their back tires blow and they go skidding and flip onto their side. Their plating shuffles, uncoordinated, as they try to transform, and Whirl goes for the underbelly, shattering the exposed protoform in a burst of pink energon. They slump with their legs disengaged. There is a buzzing, crunching noise as the dying t-cog tries to settle into either mode, then a jet of smoke erupts from the body. The engine has seized, locking it in a permanent limbo.

Whirl spins around to track down his next prey. He loves his job. The Autobots have a need, and he fills it with a gusto that only occasionally gets him in trouble. He’s no hitmech: he lacks the finesse, the style. But he can rain irreverent murder down from the sky, send Cons fleeing just long enough to make them think they had a chance, and he can do it without questioning an order. The war needs people like him.

Two soldiers are trying to escape together, one with their arm over the other’s shoulder, a sparkling stump of a leg between them. Whirl gets low, following them until the roar of his rotors is unmistakable, until they cannot help but turn and he sees their optics. Then he fires.

The wounded one falls first, knocked onto their front and grasping uselessly until their hand is blown off and they go still. The other gets their legs knocked off and goes spinning, landing on their head with a crunch. Whirl keeps advancing, keeps firing, tearing open their plating and reducing their inner working to molten slag, spattering the ground with used energon. They flop, over and over, until Whirl gets bored of the show and hauls off, leaving them almost indistinguishable from the carnage of the land itself.

Whirl hovers over the fighting and looks down while he scans for a target. This high up, visuals are useless for determining Bots from Cons. Little Cybertronians run around, whacking and shooting at each other, falling down, down, down. The metal under their pedes is slippery pink with energon. It splashes against their plating, over their insignias, until they are all just little wandering targets.

Whirl has his job, and he loves it, and he does it well.

 ~*~

 He should feel something, but his spark is a void as he tosses the rest of the guns into the shuttle, all the stuff he held off using because he wasn’t ready to get kicked off the ship. He is not coming back from this. He knows it, so better to take it all.

He’s just fastened the locker when he hears the footsteps on the hatch and looks up. It’s Tailgate, of course. Tailgate, who has a pack hanging from one shoulder and a gun holstered at his side. It’s a shrimpy thing, something Cyclonus taught him to shoot in case they ever got separated, more useful for making noise than taking down an aggressor. It has room for one round of ammo and Whirl doubts he brought a bullet more.

He comes aboard without saying anything and stops beside world, continuing to say nothing. The hand on his pack is clenching: he’s being brave. He’s also waiting for some grand speech, some sacred insight to the nature of their quest and their places in the universe. Well, tough. He should know Whirl better than Primus.

He lifts a claw to shove Tailgate backward and down the hatch, but it stops an inch before Tailgate’s plating. What does it matter? Cyclonus can’t kill him where he’s going and Tailgate himself is just a drop in the bucket. Standing there with his chest puffed out, optic band steely and focused, he looks like any other Cybertronian, never mind a few years left behind.

Whirl retracts his claw. Tailgate nods at him.

Another drop in the bucket.

 ~*~

 He shoves his way to the front row, slamming himself into his chosen seat just ahead of a little spy plane who had been angling for the same spot.

“Buzz off,” he says. Never mind the spy plane outranks him. This is his big day! He got here early so he could get this seat, right in front, though he can barely hold it as the audience fills in around him, so many Bots he does not know and who do not matter. The only one he cares about it up on the stage, smiling with an air of detached cooperation, off in his own head again like he always was. Whirl thought they had made progress on that, but some habits were just too hard to break.

The opening speech is long and predictably boring, lots of talk about this base he has never been on before. Whirl’s engine clicks in agitation. When bots give him dirty looks, he sneers.

“Chronic fanbelt lockup, ever heard of it?” he hisses at them, adding in a few extra ticks for good measure. They go back to minding their own business, but Whirl still catches the optics glancing at him, and his engine goes from annoyed click to angry hum. He knows what they see.

Luckily, the speaker eventually gets over himself and moves on.

“Rotorstorm, will you please step forward?”

Whirl is on his feet before the other copter has a chance to rise, his cheering rising well above the swell of the crowd. He shouts, he stomps his feet, and he bangs his claws together until the bots on either side of him wince, and he gets even louder when he knows Rotorstorm has noticed him.

“Go on, get up there!” he shouts. “You earned this, didn’t you?” The rest of the crowd has calmed down, but he stays standing, arms dropped to his sides. He stares at Rotorstorm as he crosses the stage, shoulders pressed back, each step placed so precisely in front of the last that it must be calculated. He waits until Rotorstorm has reached the edge to sit back down, and then still his optic is pointed, refusing to let Rotorstorm look anywhere else. Rotorstorm’s own optics are wide, though the rest of his expression is slack. His biolights are steady, his ventilations manual and even. He’s perfect.

“Rotorstorm,” the presenter says, “I hope you will forgive us; this is an honor that is long overdue. During the Simanzi Massacre, you singlehandedly scouted a pass through Mount Helix that allowed for the rapid evacuation of the 9th Battalion. Your commanding officers estimate that your decisive actions saved upwards of one thousand Autobot lives.” Whirl’s engine is silent. He’s drinking in every word. “Today, we present you with the Novic Medal for Outstanding Honor. ‘Til all are one.” Rotorstorm ducks his helm as the award is magnetized to the right of his cockpit, finally breaking his optic contact with Whirl.

“’Til all are one,” he repeats, though most of the crowd does not hear him over Whirl’s cheers.

Rotorstorm turns without looking up and returns to his seat. The next recipient is called forward and Whirl walks out.

 ~*~

 He can’t do it. He’ll blame it on the way Tailgate’s plating quietly rattles or Cyclonus�� entire personality as he starts to board, but he shuts off the shuttle’s engine and disembarks with them trailing behind. He retreats to his hab suite, and though he does not invite them he’s glad when they make it inside before the door closes.

“Nobody in the mutiny is allowed to have any of my stuff. I don’t care if Thunderclash is dying again and my innermost energon is the only compatible fuel in the galactic sector, he can’t have it.”

Tailgate nods along, his fingers in a death grip around Whirl’s pincer.

“And when you guys are talking about me later, no one call me anything but Whirl. I’m serious. I don’t know about anything I did before that, so what could it matter?” He looks up at the ceiling. “In fact, don’t tell anyone about the Primus thing. No point.”

Cyclonus is a solid, immobile presence on his other side.

“Am I forgetting anything? Oh, tell Roadbuster I’ll be waiting for him in the pit.”

“Do gods go to the Afterspark?” It’s not clear who Tailgate is asking.

“I definitely don’t plan to stick around and watch over you or whatever. Think I’ve had enough of this universe.” He chuckles, a strained sound. “Yeah. So, that’s it. Better get this show on the road, huh?”

“We’ll be with you the entire time,” Tailgate promises.

“For as long as you want us,” Cyclonus amends.

“Yeah, I know.” He shrugs, laughs again. “I’m not even really scared of the whole dying thing. I’d made peace with that. Whenever there was something I needed to do, I took care of it, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it if the right bullet finally found its mark.” He glances between them. “Now, though… you two better behave, I swear. I’m making it your Primus-sworn duty to take care of and listen to each other, okay?”

Cyclonus nods, and the way he takes it so seriously makes Whirl almost glad he’s on his way out. He couldn’t handle being looked at like that all the time, and especially it’s the way they reach across his lap and entwine their hands that really does him in. He hates them dearly.

“Okay,” he says, winding up his t-cog for the big spin. “Okay, twelve Matrixes. No problem.”

 ~*~

 Whirl times the blinking numbers to the rotations of his spark. 1,600 exactly. He’s done it.

He leans back in his chair but cannot stop staring at the little device in his hands. It is perfect. After years of researching, studying, trying, and failing, the pieces have come together to allow him to create this one perfect thing. He loves it, and a dangerous feeling of pride fills his spark, the kind that has so long been missing from his work in the Aerial Corps. If there is a Primus (and he’s still not sure, whatever the Functionists insist), this is what he built Whirl to do.

He gets up from his desk and walks across his small living space to a shelf. Nearing capacity, it has just enough room for him to push a few previous attempts aside to make room for the latest version. Surrounded by its brethren, it becomes lost almost immediately amid the sea of blinking lights, indistinguishable even from those he considers lesser. Some defects are more obvious than others: one has sat at the same time since the moment he brought it online, while another counts one klik backward for every two forward. But most are just slightly imperfect, necessary steps to get to this point, and he loves them all dearly.

He stands back. It feels like the work of a lifetime, these clocks, though he knows he took up the pursuit relatively recently. It’s just hard to remember how he filled his time before he had this project to work on, and he is again grateful he discovered it at all.

It is a gift to be able to create, he thinks, to cast a broad eye over his creations. The numbers blink at him, all out of tune, and he lets himself imagine being content doing just this for the rest of his life.

[afteriwake]

TFLN prompt -- (603): my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding

So this was a thank you for @strangelock221b, who wanted Steve & Bucky friendship (and I couldn’t resist a little serving of Shield Shock on the side).

Looking Back To The Past, Living In The Present, Looking Forward To The Future - When Bucky ends up having to stay over at Steve's and invites Darcy to join them for an old familiar dinner, it's a night of good food and good memories between the three of them.

READ @ AO3 | BUY ME A COFFEE?

I need to crash with you tomorrow.

Steve looked at the text he’d received, bleary-eyed from lack of sleep. He lived in the Avengers Tower with most of the Avengers; Bucky did not. Bucky was still trying to get used to who he was without all the brainwashing so he’d decided to get a small walk-up in Brooklyn that had cost an arm and a leg. But it was better than the tenements, he thought, and bigger than the place Bucky had had with his family when they’d been growing up.

And, knowing Bucky as he was now, there was weaponry hidden all over the place and at least three secret exits. It was easy for him to do that since the government, after clearing him of charges due to HYDRA’s influence, had given him back pay that resulted in the millions. Bucky had bought the whole building, and even let the deli on the first floor stay rent-free. He rented out the various other apartments at a low cost to vets and homeless people trying to get off the streets, but the top floor was all his.

And just why do you need to do that? I have a date with Darcy, Steve texted back.

My downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a Toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding. Buddy got back from Iraq, found out he’s got twins instead of just a kid. They’re celebrating.

Don’t you have soundproofing in all the apartments? Steve texted back.

Not mine. Don’t like not being able to hear things.

Yeah, that made sense, Steve thought to himself. The Winter Soldier had a lot more enemies than Bucky Barnes did. Soundproofing the apartment would keep him from hearing if someone tried something. Okay. I’ll reschedule with Darcy, and we can hang out.

There was a pause in the conversation. She can have the Toblerone bar, I’ll cook for both of you. Your ma’s meatloaf.

It’s a deal.

–

“Now, the only difference between this and his ma’s recipe is this is Kosher. I used Kosher turkey and other Kosher ingredients.”

“A man talking my language,” Darcy said with a grin, digging in. Steve took a bite and he realized there really wasn’t much difference between using turkey and using pork or beef. He’d had beef meatloaf a lot since waking up again, but his mom’s had been based on the scrapple of their German-American neighbors, and she had used pork. “I want the recipe.”

“I can share it if Steve says I can share it. It's like I said, it’s basically his ma’s, updated, with turkey,” Bucky said, looking satisfied as Steve took another bite.

“You can share. Darcy, you should make him millionaire bars later.”

“For this recipe? I’ll make him those and better than sex brownies. My mom is on me to eat more Kosher, anyway.” She had another bite and then pointed her fork at Bucky. “I would never have pegged you as a man who likes to cook.”

“Well, keep in mind I was learning to cook in the 30s,” Bucky said before eating some of the food. “My ma had her hands full with me and my sisters, and I obviously was the protective big brother who also got into trouble on the side. Usually saving his ass,” he said, using his own fork to point at Steve.

“He doesn’t tell me many stories from back then,” Darcy said.

“I will talk your ear off on the adventures of sickly Steve,” he said, his tone a little quieter. “War stories you have to get from him.”

“No war stories tonight,” Steve said, his own tone soft. He should have realized that would be a touchy subject and warned Darcy, but she navigated well enough. “We’ll have some wine with this and talk all night, as long as you stay awake, Darce.”

“Deal,” she said, she got up and went to the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of white wine. “I know this is like water to the two of you, but I got a nice one when I was shopping and I think I’ll enjoy it, at least.”

“I can enjoy the taste, just not the buzz,” Bucky said. “Of course, I also don’t get the headache and stomachache from drinking too much wine.”

“So I’ll drink in moderation.” She pulled down three wineglasses after she set the bottle of wine on the counter and poured out three servings. She handed one to Bucky, who was closest, and then took Steve his and sat back down, holding up her glass for a toast. “To a night of stories and I hope a lot of laughs, more so than tears.”

“L'chayim,” Bucky said. It was good hearing the words from his old friend again, Steve thought as he chorused it with Darcy. It had been a long time since he’d used any Hebrew around him, but the toast to life meant more as they were going to talk about the past and look forward to the future. Maybe this whole evening wasn’t such a bad idea after all, even if it wasn’t what he had originally planned.

[late2theshow]

Blue Does not know Gay Part 3

Yellow was not looking forward to the thought of going on a date with a guy. Blue didn’t take any of her hints that she wasn’t interested and instead went along with getting Jermaine’s number and finding out when he will be free next.  So now Yellow is sitting at a bar stool in a local bar waiting this man to come over.  She was hoping he wouldn’t show up.  But to her dismay he did. And he brought a flower.  Great.

Yellow knew she shouldn’t be rude, but she was annoyed.  She cancelled on White to see this guy and to make matters worse Blue is in some sort of mood because of this, and it was her idea in the first place!

“Uh, hi, you must be Yellow….Is that your nickname?”

She rolled her eyes. Here we go…..

“No—its my first name. I get that a lot”

“Sorry, I hope I didn’t offend?”

“You didn’t, trust me”

He seemed so casual. She felt at ease around him despite only knowing him for a few seconds.  

 Meanwhile on the other side of town Blue was sulking over not having anyone to hang out with.  Her roommate was now getting an earful on how Yellow ditched her.

 “She didn’t even call me today, like seriously? How rude is that?”

Her roommate shrugged. “Well, maybe she is excited to go on this date and forgot.  You said she hasn’t dated a boy the entire time she has been in college”

“I know, but the least I could have seen her before her date?”

Her roommate paused before answering.  It was almost as if Blue was jealous of her friend’s date.

“You know, I have a few cute boys who would go out with you.” Her roommate inquired.

Blue shook her head “I don’t want to date I just want—” Blue didn’t know what she wanted other than Yellow. But that made no sense.  Why did she only want a girl’s company and no one else.  

What does that make her?

“want what?”

“I don’t know.  I just don’t want to date any guys right now”

“But does that mean your friend shouldn’t date either?”

“No, your right.  I just miss hanging out with her”

“Blue…..it’s been only been a day since you’ve seen her”

 Back with Yellow; her and Jermaine were hitting it off.  They like the same music, sports, both hate their pre-law professor and they both go to the same bars; just not on the same nights.  Turns out Jermaine is gay and just dates girls that his friends suggest to not be judged.  

“Truthfully I was not looking forward to this date.  I was afraid I would have to go home with you” Yellow joked.  

“I would have just stuck you with the bill; I did that once and the girl told all her friends I was a scumbag and none of them bothered me again”

The two shared a laugh.

“So, what’s next?” Yellow asked

“Girl. let’s finish this martini”

“What about, what we tell everyone after tonight? I am assuming you’re not out of the closet?”

“No.  What about you?”

“I’m out but, not open. I a few women from the debate team tried to question it—But I told them I’m too focused on school”

“Same here.  Do we just tell people that we don’t connect?”

Yellow sipped her drink “It’s kind of a shame we actually do”

Jermaine chuckled “I know, right? If only you had a Y chromosome, then Yellow, you could be my soulmate”

Yellow laughed “And if only your name was Blue Sommabai; you would then be mine”

Jermaine raised an ear brow “Sommabai? You mean Diana’s roommate the Indian girl with the Irish accent? She was the one who hooked us up”

Yellow’s eyes went wide. How could she forget that Blue knew this guy?

“Yeah” Yellow looked away “I’ve been sort of…. pining for her for a few weeks now; I figured the thought was mutual but –its clearly not; since she stuck me with you.  No offense”

“Oh, none taken.  If it makes you feel better Diana tried to hook Blue up with everyone one of my roommates.  Blue didn’t take anyone up on the offer.  And I live with a ton of hot hots so—its clear she is gay”

Yellow shook her head “No—trust me she is not.  I mean she could be a little handsy, but she doesn’t even know what gay is.  She asked me to go to church with her one Sundays”

“She might be far in the closet”

“I think she might be buried in the closet”

Jermaine finished his drink “Maybe you need to dig her out.  She’s cute.  When her roommate told me about you—she made you sound like you were one hot ticket”

“What did she say?”

Jermaine laughed “You got it bad for her”

Yellow rolled her eyes “a bit, but seriously what did she say?”

 The next day

 Blue was still mad—she chose to take the day off and not go to class.   Yellow still didn’t call her.  She was getting mad over it.  Its now been 48-hours without seeing her.  Blue decided to leave and head to Yellow’s dorm.  She knew Yellow goes straight home on Tuesday’s after her business law class.  

Yellow was surprised to hear a loud knock on her door. “forget your key again?” she asked. Assuming it was her roommate. Once she opened the door she saw Blue; furious and ready to rush into the apartment to yell.  

“You could have called before you came over” Yellow stated.  Finding this slightly rude.

“Why is Jermaine here?” Blue snapped.  She was in the living room now.  Looking in to the kitchen to see if he was there.  “Did I interrupt your evening? Do you still need to make him breakfast and send him on his way?”

“Blue its 3pm and you know I get out of class at 1!  You know Jermaine still have classes.  What’s your problem?”

“You never called me! Not even before your date!”

“I was busy!”

“Too busy to call?”

“Yes!”

They never fought before but they were both on edge.  Blue was mad at her for being ignored and Yellow was mad because she and Jermaine didn’t come up with a good lie, except we’ll just be friends.

“So is he your boyfriend now?” Blue questioned.

“No, just friends”

“Just friends?”

“Yes”

Blue signed and sat down on the couch “I was so upset and worried.  What if you had a bad time? Or what if you had a really good time? I’m sorry”

“Sorry for snapping at me? or—”

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to feel”

Yellow was confused. But wanted to assume she knew what Blue was feeling.  Blue looked over to see and frowned “I thought that we were close because we were both single ladies; but the idea of you dating someone made me so mad—”

“You’re the one that made me go on this date, remember?”

“I know but—I didn’t think you would!”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know” Blue then felt her face heat up.  I thought you would rather hang out with me”

“I would”

Blue smiled “Really?”

“Of course, I only went out with Jermaine because I knew your roommate was trying to play match maker and so were you”

“I was. I just regret it now….”

“don’t.  If it makes you feel better, I don’t want to date any other guys at all”

“You mean until after college?” Blue questioned

Yellow shook her head “No, not even after college”

“Well then when? When do you want to get married?”

Yellow shrugged “Well, I might get married; but I don’t want to marry a man”

Blue paused “Then…who would you marry?”

Yellow didn’t say anything and just looked at her; a slightly worried face.  Blue’s eyes widened “Then that means—”

She was finally going to get it.

Blue looked at her “You don’t like boys, so that means….”

Yellow nodded her head.

“Oh.”

That’s all she said was. Oh.

“You know what I’m saying right?”

“I think”

“Blue.  I’m gay.  I like women. I’d rather date a woman”

“Oh.”

“Oh? that’s it?”

“well.  I just didn’t know.  I was raised catholic, Yellow.  No one talks about these things to people.  You’re the only gay person I ever met”

Yellow grinned “Jermaine is gay.  My roommate is gay.  Heather from your accounting class is gay and your roommate Diane’s cousin is gay”

“Audrey?”

“Yes”

“How do you know?”

“I slept with Audrey”

Blue gasped.  “Oh my God! You’re the Blonde Mullet asshole who wouldn’t return her phone calls!?”

Yellow cringed. “Audrey is a bit much.  Too much for me”

Blue sat back on the couch and laughed “Wow, this whole time I thought you were shy.  Turns out you slept with every gay guy and gay girl in town”

“No, I only slept with four women and two of them happen to be our age”

“Ever slept with a man?”

“No, but I kissed one and it was terrible.  Middle school dance; Doug Parker.  We were both the highest-grade students; we had no choice”

“Did you ever think of men? In a romantic way?”

“When I was 10.  Then I grew to lose all interest in men”

Blue pondered for a moment and asked, “So you would rather date women?”

“Yes” Yellow was now worried that Blue might wish to stop being friends after this revelation.  

“Do you find all women attractive?”

“Some I do.  I really can’t say I have a type”

“Would I be one of your types? Do you find me attractive?”

Yellow felt uncomfortable; her face was getting warm.  If she says the wrong thing she could ruin the friendship.  

“Blue, I don’t want to mess up our friendship”

Blue sat closer “You wont if your honest to me?”

Yellow looked away nervously “Well, you are very attractive.  I always assumed you liked men, So I never made any action that could have been deemed inappropriate”

“Well.  I feel bad now, I’ve been clinging on to you and undressing in front of you, and I forced you into that underwear store last week. I’ve been making it inappropriate for you”

“Well, I didn’t know you knew what a lesbian was”

“I could have looked it up. I’m not stupid Yellow, I beat you in scrapple six times before”

“I let you win the first time”

“Bullshit”

“Okay, we are off topic. But seriously, I didn’t know how to bring it up, so I never did”

Blue frowned “Well, I wish you never felt you had to hide it”

“it’s okay”

Blue moved closer to Yellow. Making Yellow more uneasy about this situation.   She wanted to evade the topic now.  She couldn’t figure out what Blue was thinking.

“Well, Jermaine and I are now friends.  I might try to hook him up with my roommate.  He wants to go out next Thursday to a bar on the other side of town. I would invite you but it’s a gay bar”

“I’ll go with you”

“Really?”

“Yes really”

“I mean you might get hit on.”

“As long I get to flirt with you” Blue said that without really thinking.  But wasn’t embarrassed to admit that.  

Yellow was—she was red in the face after hearing that statement.  Blue giggled and stood up “Well I am sorry that I barged in to yell at you, but if its okay I’ll see you Thursday”

Yellow nodded “Sounds good”

Once Blue left Yellow covered her face with her hands and felt her face—completely hot; she must have been red as a beat.  Blue was okay with her being gay and wanted to go to a gay bar with her. She always hoped Blue like her like that; but how on earth would she handle babysitting Blue while keeping her own crush on her in check?

[philosworkbench]

Solopreneurs: What’s your fastest Shower,  Ship, Succeed story?

Maybe this term already exists. I have no idea. But here’s what I want to talk about: I had an idea for a new class while in the shower yesterday. I announced I was doing it today. It starts in two weeks. In six weeks, I’ll have a pretty clear picture of how successful it was. That seems like a turnaround that solopreneurs are uniquely positioned to create.

Backstory: My COVID vs. Career Crisis

Disclaimer: My family and I have been extremely lucky during COVID. No one has been sick and no one in my immediate family works in healthcare or has a job that requires going in-person work. So, I’m using the term “crisis” with a tremendous amount of privilege. Still, it decimated my industry and how I used to earn a living.

That all being said, when COVID hit, I lost four months of work in one week. It created a huge void in my life. My entire career was built on live: live training and facilitation using IMPROV. I curled up into a ball and started questioning everything I had done in my life. What did it mean? What was at the center of it. About 6 months and 100,000 words (written only to myself) later, and I had the conceptual model for the PLAY Polarities. It was exhilarating. I had an idea of value that I could share with the world. Something of mine that I could sell myself. Only one problem. I didn’t devise the product. Okay, cool. Here’s a model. Everybody has a model. No one pays for an idea. They pay for an application of an idea.

So, simultaneously as I began telling people at PLAYdates (then TDCocoa) about the idea, I began thinking about ways to productize the insights I had assembled. What’s the coaching package? What’s the training program? Etc. 

I think about monetization a lot. Between my cozy white male Gen X upbringing and my life in improv, I didn’t get a lot of good ideas about how to make money happen. As a kid I was told by parents and guidance counselors: “just get a general liberal arts degree and you can do anything.” I even once suggested to my stepdad that I might get a degree in public speaking (which turns out would have been hugely valuable as I spent a lot of time as a presentation skills coach). His reaction?

“Why would you get a degree in how to say something instead of getting a degree in what to say.”

Somehow he thought that was a bad idea but didn’t bat an eye as I selected my major in philosophy. PHILOSOPHY.

From there I went into improv where the general approach to everything is, “let’s just help each other out and everything will be fine.” That’s why the only financially successful improvisers are the ones you recognize on TV or the ones with good day jobs. “It’s a mug’s game.”

Don’t get me wrong: improvisation can help you immeasurably as an entrepreneur. I just didn’t know it and never applied it that way. So, consider it a “mod.” Improv doesn’t necessarily help “out of the box.”

So, I did what I always do and why I’ve devoted myself to facilitating transformational self-improvement -- I started reading books about it. How does one become an “entrepreneur?” How does one “monetize” their intellectual property into a service? How does one “productize” their services into clearly defined products?

That brings me to a nice hot shower.

SHOWER: Surprising Yourself with the Big Idea

I’ve been racking my brain about lightweight products to monetize the PLAY Polarities. I turns out that it’s not enough to say, “I do coaching, training, and consulting.” People don’t just start throwing money at you. You have to clearly identify problems and try solving them.

So you discovered a model that seems to organize individual, team, and organizational improvement priorities. Big deal! Who needs that? Do they know they need that? What are they going to do with that knowledge? How can it make or save them money? I.e. WHY SHOULD THEY PAY YOU?

I’ve been beating my head against the wall about this for weeks. And, without exception, each monetization strategy I come up with occurs to me in the shower. It just pops into my head.

“Eureka! I should do this!”

Disclaimer: My spouse and I are watching the TV show, Eureka, right now. That may be a factor.

So the idea for this new class hit me. I would lead a live, virtual class, reduce the rate in exchange for participants letting me record it and turn it into assets for an asynchronous eLearning. 

Okay, but if I’m going to do that, before everyone gets too busy returning to the “real world,” I should do it QUICKLY.

“Like April?” says my Shower Daemon.

“Yes! April!” I reply. And then immediately face anxiety. How do I do that?

SHIP: Lessons from Volunteer Carpentry and Seth Godin

Something else I had to learn on my journey to unexpected entrepreneurship? Execution. Yes, my new company is as an assassin.... ON THE DANCE FLOOR! (Jumps up and down, shakes hips, trips, falls, farts.)

I had to learn what Charan and Bossidy talk about in their book, unsurprisingly called Execution. So you have great ideas? Great. What will you do about them? You plan to sell? How will you sell? How many dials? How many LinkedIn messages? When? 

Execution is the lifeblood of business. It’s almost too simple to recognize it’s profundity. Yes, duh, to do something, you must, you know, do something. When I tell you that that simple truism has sabotaged most of my professional life, believe me. 

As the Apostle Paul says, “The good that I would do, I do not. The evil that I would not do, I do.”  

Or, in the Revised Matt Elwell version, “The work that I wish I would do, I procrastinate about. The desk that doesn’t need to be reorganized for the 80th time, I reorganize again. This is, in fact, the perfect day for it.”

As I said in a PLAYdate this afternoon:

Most people get to the starting line and GO! I get to the starting line and keep trying to redraw the perfect starting line. Job one for me is cultivating the habit of running imperfectly.

So, against every instinct, I announced my class on today’s PLAYdate using a slide I created while the participants were in their breakouts. 

There are two places. The first was Habitat For Humanity. I was no carpenter, but my home church had a long history with HFH and I loved the few mission days I spent with them. I learned a lot about handling wood and framing out a house. I learned how to “talk to the nail,” making small adjustments to how you struck the nail to encourage it not bend as you encountered resistance. As someone who was pretty much written off in gym class as an irredeemable fat nerd, this was something physical that I felt competent about.

However, because I felt competent, I started wanting everything I did to be perfect. To garner the compliments and validation that meant so much to me as I started. But no. that positive reinforcement started waning, and people instead started looking at me with their heads cocked to one side. I was taking too long.

That’s when I learned a saying I’ve tried to remind myself of my whole life:

“You ain’t building a piano!”

(This was said to me in deep southern New Jersey, so it was more like, “Yuh-aint-buildin’-uh-pian-urr!” And then someone threw a piece of scrapple at me. True story.)

That simple sentence reminds me that I have made a habit, perhaps a compulsion, of fretting over details most people won’t notice. I’ve often excused this by telling myself that I’m an artist and therefore, I’m not just filling orders.

If you’re prone to excusing your own poor time management in favor of artistry, consider this. Are you making a statement about your art with what you are doing, or making a statement about your fear with what you’re not yet doing? Are you really saying something with the detail you’re burning hours on to get “just right” or are you allowing yourself to avoid something that really does present the greater artistic challenge. 

As Stephen Covey observed, “avoid being ‘right in the thick’ of thin things.”

That’s my Habitat for Humanity story. My other influence, which is a much shorter story, is Seth Godin. You can still get his ShipIt Journal for free on his blog. And if you have something worth doing, I would suggest using his guide to help you do it. In Godin’s characteristic manner, he helped me realize how much of my failure to execute was motivated by fear. 

If you’re terrified of failing at something, your brain will make sure you don’t, by making sure you never really try. Basically, you brain exists to keep you alive. We’ve evolved to not do things that can endanger our aliveness by experiencing and avoiding pain. So, if you’re afraid of failing, you are experiencing a kind of pain. Brains hate that noise. QED: you never quite get around to it.

So when I’m not channeling the kindly old South Jersey carpenter who said, “you ain’t building a piano,” I channel Seth Godin who calmly informs me through his immaculate demeanor and trademark spectacles, “just get it shipped.”

Telling people about my class today was me “throwing my cap over the wall” to make sure I did what I said. I’m already scared thinking about it. But now it’s a fear of not getting it shipped, not of not getting it perfect. That’s the fear I want.

SUCCEED: Coming Soon? 

In improv we have a “rule of threes.” It’s integral to comedy:

Offer something

Add something else which, by its very following of 1, begins to create a possible connection/story

Add a third thing which, by association with the other two things, clarifies the connection and resolves it or launches us on a trajectory

Depending on that third offering, you either have a joke or a scene, but either way, you have a good chance a comedy.

Either way, the third thing is where we start seeing “the product.” The thing thing is the embodiment of “oh, I get it....” For example:

If Player A nods to Player B and says, “Cat” and Player B nods back and says “Dog.” Then a lot can happen.

Player A can say, in a business like manner. “Are any other animals joining us at this business meeting?” Immediately, a lot becomes clear. These people are playing animals. They’re doing some kind of animal business. Hilarious.

Player A can say, “Oh, I love dogs! Isn’t the vet here, great?” The two make small talk while their pets are getting treatment. Eventually, they fall in love. (Player A and Player B. Not the pets. Or Do ThEy!?)

Or, Player C can enter and offer a warm, “Hey, Dog!” to Player B and sit down next to them. Then, they can turn and nod in the direction of Player A with a curt, even cold, “Cat.”. Player B can respond happily, so grateful to be acknowledged. Player A can respond to the frosty greeting in a way that makes Player C visibly shiver: “Helloooooo, Mouse.”

No matter which of those scenes interests you, they would all interest someone. In an audience of 150, at least a few would walk out the door of the theater that night and say, “that one was my favorite. That group was so good. Let’s come back here soon!” 

Three beats makes a product. Three beats is something people will buy, buy again, and tell their friends to buy. Three beats is success.

As I embark on this journey of Shower-Ship-Succeed, I think about what I need to get to my third beat. And what occurs to me is a clear picture of what success looks like and a practical understanding of what I need to do in myself, in my actions, in my systems, and in my relationships to make that success happen. 

Some people might argue (and they might be right) that you shouldn’t get to ship without having a clear picture of success. And maybe they’re right. But don’t let that stop you from starting the creation or “shipping” process. In fact, I’m finding that all three of these states are iterative. You don’t so much go linearly from one to the other.

You have your “shower moment.” Hopefully, you listen to it and start to work on it. You start getting ready to “ship.” I call that whole process “shipping,” not just the putting-it-on-the-shelf-with-a-price-tag part. As you do that, I believe you get a vision for what this will be and who will like it and then you can start asking why they would pay for it, and that can start you on this cycle. 

That might be a question that sends you back to the shower for more.

What about YOUR Shower, Ship, Succeed story?

I started this post with a question and then all this stuff just flowed out. (Hooray, my gift of making first drafts five times longer than they have to be!)

Here’s what I want to know: Have you ever, as a solopreneur, or just a creator of anything, noticed a rapid procession from initial idea (Shower) to making something (Ship) to having a desired result (Succeed)? 

What was your fastest time?

What helped you get it done so fast?

What slowed it down?

What did you have to overcome -- in the project and in yourself -- to get it done?

Now that I’ve said all I could possibly say, I’d love to hear your stories!

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #153

“Lost Silver’s Eevee Evolves, LH speaks”

[TLOT] Sits up a bit disoriented, remembering he's still in a cat shape before shifting back.

[Lie] Gasps awake and is still shaking, CP is quick to pull her closer to him-

[Doc] Is everyone okay? Did you fix it?!

[TLOT] Her memory of Offender surfaced.

[Doc] Frowns darkly. - That bastard...

[Smile] Stretches and sniffs around-

[CP] Holds his wife and is whispering soothing things to her, he's in full protection mode-

[TLOT] Lie beat him up Doc.

[Doc] Good for you Lie!

[Lie] - I...  I don't ever want to sleep again...

[Deer] Is gathering some blankets and trying t find some herbal tea she knows she stored down here at some point-

[TLOT] Well, you don't actually have to sleep if you don't want too. But you probably should.

[Lie] - I just...  I couldn't remember it whenever I woke up, and with her voice there as well...

[Doc] Wait... she was there and tried to speak to you when it happened? Or was she just the one that triggered the memory?

[Lie] - I don't know, but I could hear her voice

[CP] - I don't actually think she was there...

[Doc] I thought she was always near the Slenders, even if she doesn't posess them directly.

[CP] - You mean when she was little?  I have no idea...  But I must say you were...  cute as a child...

[TLOT] Seconded. Though you look even nicer as a brine.

[Lie] - I barely remember what I looked like back then...

[TLOT] Focuses for a moment and projects an image of the little girl to everyone in the room.

[Doc] Awwww

[Lie] - TLOT!

[TLOT] What? You said you couldn't remember.

[Lie] - I said barely!  I do still have some!

[TLOT] Tiny knowing grin-

[CP] Nuzzles into Lie, hearing her hearts pounding loudly as Deer approaches with the blankets and tea-

[Lie] Accepts them- Thank you Deer

[TLOT] Spawns several steaks for Smile and holds them out. - You did good. Thank you.

[Smile] Eagerly takes the steaks-

[Grinny] Shakily manages to come down the stairs-

[LH] Is bounding along and keeps going back to check on Grinny -

[Grinny] Hisses at LH as he approaches Smile.  Smile sniffs him and then lays down, letting Grinny crawl on top of him-

[LH] Approaches Smile warily. - Mew?

[Smiles] Grows menacingly at LH, he would start chasing LH, but won't move because of Grinny-

[LH] Poofs up and hides behind Doc.

[Doc] Hello Grinny. I'm glad you're up and around at least.

[Grinny] - Fuck you

[Doc] Lie, you remember Grinny.

[Lie] Is finally calming down-  Yeah, what happened to his fur?

[Doc] The Insanity possession was masking a lethal dose of radiation poisoning. Flux and Deerheart cleaned it out of his system, but his fur still fell out. Poor kitty. Steve made him the little sweater.

[Lie] - I can see that...  How long were we asleep?

[Doc] Not long at all.

[Lie] - So then Steve's probably still busy with Stevie

[TLOT] Is quiet for a second- Yep. They found a cache of redstone. They're okay.

[CP] - Good- Realizes he said that aloud

[Lie] Sighs and leans against CP- TLOT, do you mind if I used your hot tub?  I feel like I could really use it...

[CP] - Why not just use the lava pool?

[TLOT] Go ahead. Use whatever one you like. Take your time too.

[Lie] - Thank you- She stands and starts making her way towards TLOT's room

[CP] Moves to follow her-

[LH] Scampers after Lie -

[TLOT] Cp... maybe you should give her a minute to herself....

[CP] - But...

[TLOT] She has a lot on her mind, and my room is a pretty safe place to be.

[Doc] Whispers- unless you're Steve.

[CP] Growls a little-

[TLOT] Hey!

[Grinny] Stretches out on Smile-

[liu] -come into the room- hello?

[Doc] Oh hey Liu. Did you see Jeff? He went storming out of here a little while ago

[Smile] Perks up and his tail starts thumping against the ground-

[liu] I didn't see jeff but I saw in chat he came in I was looking for him and smile I made them rooms in my house if they wanted to visit.

[Doc] I think Smile wants to stay with Grinny for now, but you're welcome to hang out here.

[Grinny] Annoyed, swats Smile's head, the thumps from his tail are vibrating his body in an uncomfortable way-

[liu] -sits next to smile and scratches his head-

[Smile] Tail still wagging-

[liu] -gives smile a steak-

[CP] Just starts pacing-

-There's giggling from up in the vine room-

[Lie] Has slipped into the heated tub and is gently feeling the only remaining lotus blossom-

[Smile] Tears off a small amount and tosses it onto his back for Grinny-

[liu] -also puts a cooked fish on smiles back for grinny-

[Grinny] Bites Liu-

[LH] Paces around beside the tub for a minute and then sits there placidly looking at her - meow.

[liu] OW!

[Lie] Holds out some fingers for LH to rub against-

[Doc] Hears the chuckling upstairs but is loathe to leave CP alone.

[LH] Puuuuurrrrrr

[Grinny] Growls-

[Doc] Oh Liu! Let me see that.

-The lab door can be heard opening and closing and Sally skips down with an apple.  EJ is following her-

[liu] -holds his hand out it is bleeding only a little bit- I don't know what I did wrong to upset smile's friend cat.

[Doc] rubs a bit of potion on the little scratch - He just doesn't like people.

[Sally] Gasps- SMILE!  GRINNY!- Runs over and hugs them

[TLOT] Sally, and hello Ej.

[liu] -waves at both of them- hello.

[EJ] Flips them both off-

[Doc] Give Ej a respectful nod. - Hello Sally. What do you think of my little castle?

[Sally] - It's funny!- She has Grinny hanging limply in her arms

[liu] -pets smile again-

[Doc] I guess there is someone else Grinny likes after all.

[CP] - Nope, more like we'd rather still be alive then let any harm come to Sally

[EJ] - Why is Grinny wearing an ugly sweater and hairless?

[Doc] He had radiation poisoning underneath his Insanity possession. It's gone now but he'll need a little time to regrow his fur. Steve made him the sweater so he wouldn't get cold.

[EJ] Face palms- Oh for fucks sake

[Doc] Time moves weirdly here, I don't think it will take long to come back.

[EJ] - Eh, whatever, not my problem

[Doc] Nope, it isn't. I'll take care of him.

[EJ] - Good, cause I'm pretty sure you're on the war path with Slender anyways

[Doc] I've known that from the start. I'm kinda glad he doesn't remember me working on him while he was out of his head...

[EJ] - You what?

[Doc] I did some battle damage repairs on him, that's why I left with Splender. He's a real bitch to stitch up while he's thrashing around.

[EJ] - No shit, that's why his brothers usually tend to that

[Doc] Eh, I managed. And how many people can say they actually hugged Slender? It's good to be a dragon sometimes.

[EJ] - You are damned lucky he doesn't remember

[Doc] Especially since I got stupid drunk afterwards. It was kind of a wild night.

[CP] Still pacing, leaving a heated trail behind him-

[EJ] - I don't want to know

[Doc] That's probably for the best.

[TLOT] Didn't you have something for Ej Doc?

[Doc] Yeah... I do. Steve borrowed my computer. He made you a present.

[EJ] - A present?  Fuck that, I don't want it

[Doc] It's rather nasty and I think you'll be quite pleased with it actually. It's a special cookbook.

[EJ] - You mean for my diet which you messed up?

[CP] His trail is starting to turn into full on lava now-

[Doc] It's not messed up. It was abnormal and now it's fixed. Surely you can't look at your gross rotting organs that I took out and think that was healthy?

[TLOT] Walks behind Cp and keeps the lava cleaned up.

[EJ] - Hey, they were still functioning

[CP] - The fuck are you doing?

[TLOT] Just tidying up, pay me no mind.

[Doc] Let me guess, you were fine?

[EJ] - Shut it

[Sally] Puts Grinny back on Smile and starts eating her apple-

[Doc] Just look at it please. - holds out the small book-

[EJ] Takes the book and glances through it-

-Inside the book each page is a recipe containing at least one animal organ, blood or some other rarely eaten part, chorizo, oxtail stew, blood pudding, steak and kidney pie, haggis, goose liver pate, fried chicken livers and gizzards, boudain, tripe, blood sausage and scrapple -

[EJ] - Is this your way of trying to make up for ruining my digestive tract?  Pathetic

[Doc] It wasn't me. Steve saw how upset I was and decided to help. The only reason he's not delivering it himself is that he's terrified of you and he's currently mining down below with Cp's little brother.

[EJ] -...  So there are two humans alone downstairs?

[CP] - EJ I will murder you myself if you do anything to Stevie

[TLOT] Darkly - Steve is the mate of a Herobrine, he is NEVER truly alone.

[EJ] Scowls under his mask-

[Doc] Oh, while you're here Smile, I have something fun for you too. It's pretty cool. You want it?

[Smile] Perks up, his trail still thumping hard on the floor much to Grinny's annoyance-

[Doc] gets out a copy of the code they used on Grinny and smears it across hir palm before patting the big dogs head. - There you go boy, speak! Just say anything.

[Smile] Barks- Do I did good speak!?

[Doc] Very good. You're a very helpful doggie. Lie should be able to sleep better now.

[Smile] - Good, she's pretty and smells nice and has lots of cats to chase and other dogs to maul!

[liu] are you excited for the room I made for you smile?

[Smile] Tilts head curiously- What room?

[liu] I made you a bed room for when you visit in my new house.

[Doc] Okay... don't maul her dogs. She'll cry and her plants will probably bite you. Best to leave the cats alone too. There's plenty of wild pigs, chickens and cows around to bother, and no one cares if you eat them.

[Smile] To Doc- Okay!- To Liu- But I always sleep with Jeff!

[liu] I made jeff a bedroom as well

[Smile] - Okay!

[Grinny] - Smile, stop that infuriating thumping!

[Smile] - Grinny! I have to scratch!

[Grinny] - Too bad! I'm not moving

[Smile] - But my butt itches!

[TLOT] Reaches over and scratches the dog-

[Grinny] Swats at TLOT-

[TLOT] Swats back and pokes Grinny in the nose-

[Grinny] Tries to bite TLOT-

[TLOT] Is still sitting on the bed slightly above them and gives Grinny a perfect view as he morphs back into his massive golden cat form.

[Griny] Hisses and growls- Leave us be!

[TLOT] He just wanted his rump scratched. You're the one being snotty.

[Grinny] Because it disturbs my resting

[TLOT} Then have a little respect for your fluffy pillow.

[Grinny] - He's fine- Settles down some more

[TLOT] Saunters down near Smile and gives him a head pat with one big paw.- Good boy

[Smile] - I'm a good boy?  But I haven't killed or scared anything?

[TLOT] You've putting up with your friends crap. That makes you a damn good dog.

[Smile] - Really!?

[TLOT} cocks his head curiously,-well yes! In fact, generally speaking killing and scaring aren't considered good at all. I mean unless you're protecting someone else or yourself from danger.

[Smile] Suddenly stands up, dislodging Grinny who yowls as he falls to the floor- But they're so much fun!  And it's what we do!  And it's fun!

[TLOT] But it's not fun for the person you're hurting or scaring.

[Smile] - But that's the point!  And then Jeff usually stabs them!  Or let's me rip out their throats!

[Grinny] Huffily walks around trying to find a spot to curl up-

[TLOT] But that's not considered being good. Just obedient.

[Doc] Sits down on the bed and picks Grinny up.

[Smile] - But it also makes me a good dog!  And I get rewarded!

[Grinny] Struggles- Put me down you imbecilic quack!

[TLOT] It's what Jeff considers good, but that's just his opinion.

[Doc] Puts the cat next to hir on the bed. - chill out.

[Grinny] - Then leave me be!

[Smile] - Jeff is owner, Jeff is always right

[Doc] flips the blanket over Grinny except for his head. - Shush.

[Grinny] - I hate you so much...

[CP] Is still pacing-

[TLOT] But all I'm saying is that his opinion is different from most.

[Smile] - Not those of the manor

[liu] -whispers- he thought I wasn't real but I am

[Doc] Pats Grinny's head.

[Grinny] Tries to bite Doc-

[TLOT] Liu is right, Jeff isn't infallible. And what someones family teaches may easily be at odds from what everyone else believes. Morality is subjective, but when you take someones life out there, someone who meant you no harm. It is wrong. You're stealing something that doesn't belong to you. And they go away, from everything they've ever loved, and never come back again.

[Doc] Easily evades Grinnys bite and starts fussing around in their inventory instead.

[Smile] - Just as what has happened to many of us...  Parts of us taken by humans, never to be returned

[TLOT] But you can't hurt everyone in a crowd because one of them hurt you.

[Smile] - Yes you can

[TLOT] Okay, pardon, you CAN, but you shouldn't.

[Smile] - Yes you should

[TLOT] Okay lets say you lead a reign of terror, and you make everyone afraid of big dogs like you. And then they see normal dogs that aren't doing anything wrong at all, and assume they're murderers just like you. And then they hurt and kill all those innocent dogs because you made them scared. Is that fair?

[Smile] - But they don't...  I am one who causes mass panic...  My abilities...  Act like a chain letter, I tell them to spread the word

[TLOT] You didn't answer my question. Do you think that's fair?

[Smile] - Why should I care?  They already irrationally fear some types of dogs, it doesn't change much

[TLOT] Because it's your type of thinking that's destroying my kind. The NOTCHs believe that all Herobrine's are bad because some of them kill players. Cp's family was ripped apart because someone thought all creatures like him should be deleted.

[CP] - And they brought us one of our strongest members, a new addition to our family

[TLOT] Broken in spirit and full of hatred. He was happy and the NOTCH took it away from him.

[Smile] - What family?  He never really mentioned one...

[TLOT] He was afraid you creepypastas would kill them.

[Smile] - Eh, I don't care

[TLOT] Is sticking his whiskers out, he's obviously annoyed. He goes over to the base of the stairs and starts washing his face.

[Doc] It's okay TLOT, you tried. I of all people know how hard it is. You can't make someone care.

[CP] Is starting to leave lava behind him again-

[Doc] Gets up to tidy it up behind him and then watches him pace for a few minutes before getting in his way.

[CP] Growls- What?

[Doc] Nothing at all. - Xe darts forward and gives him a tremendous hug, pressing his arms to his sides and making a spirited attempt to pick him slightly off the floor before letting go and stepping out of his way again.

[CP] Lashes out at DOc- FUCKER!

[Doc] Ducks, xe's used to this-

[CP] Keeps pacing-

[Doc] Quietly- it's going to be okay Cp. She just needs to collect her thoughts. What are you so worried about anyway?

[CP] - You didn't see how terrified she was, even when she was my victim she never showed such terror

[Doc] She was a child CP, with no idea what she was seeing beyond someone else in mortal terror. Children have empathy, they see bad things happen and imagine themselves as the victims. She had every right to be afraid. Offender scares me too. His sheer predatory callousness is like a slime I just want to burn off my skin.

[CP] - Really?  Because you seemed to get along just fine with him when drunk

[Doc] Being drunk makes me less scared.

[CP] - I just...  Never mind...

[Doc] What? I don't have a tolerance like you, and I did drink two full bottles of whiskey.

-There's a tiny flutter in the vines above and one of the white flitters perches there silently fanning it's wings. -

[CP] - I just need to make certain she's okay...  I don't like the thought of her being scared anymore...

[Doc] Is really hoping Ej heard what CP just said. - That's love. You don't just want her as a possession, you want her to be safe and happy too.

[EJ] Scoffs-

[Deer] - I'd think you'd be used to it by now CP

[TLOT] Has shifted back and is sitting on the bottom step with his cloak pooled around him. - I understand. If you're not used to feeling that way, it's like being hit with a ton of netherbricks.

[CP] - Shut it!  How the fuck did we even get on this subject again?

[TLOT] You're pacing a lava trail worrying about your mate, how can we not talk about it?

[CP] - It's not my fault I run so hot

[EJ] - Do we need to get a hose?

[TLOT] No, it's okay, I'll take care of it. - Gets up and flips the lava back to stone.

[Doc] No one is blaming you Cp. It's just a stone floor, easily fixed. And we all run a bit hot.

[CP] Growls a little-

[Doc] Oh stop it. We're your friends. We care if you're upset. And we want Lie to be safe just as much as you do.

[CP] - I'd rather she have not had to go through that!

[TLOT] Well obviously. There are several things I wish had never happened. But you can't go back and change the past.

[CP] - Are we sure about that?

[Doc] Yes. And if she hadn't seen that, she might not be your mate today.

[CP] Scowls- Would it be better that way?  She may have never become my victim if that hadn't happened potentially...

[TLOT] Probably not, and what you did was horrible. But without her, and potentially us, you would still be out there hurting others just as badly.

[Doc] Lie loves Minecraft, and it's not such a bad existence.

[CP] Is slowly sinking into a block of lava since he stopped pacing while talking-  I just don't know what to do...

[TLOT] Takes him by the shoulders and lifts him up back onto the floor. While Doc throws a stone block in the spot. - You're thinking too hard Cp. Just stop for a minute.

[CP] - I can't

[TLOT] Just gives him a wry grin and stops for a sec. - Haha... Good one kiddo.

[CP] - The fuck did you just say?

[TLOT] Your little brother got first blood on a spider that was sneaking up on him and Steve.

[CP] - I see...  There's the barest hint of a smile on his face

[TLOT] Steve says he's all elated because he found some lapis high on a wall and got it without any help. It was just a four block nerd pole, but that's high for a little kid.

[CP] - WHY DID HE LET HIM DO THAT!?

[TLOT] Because Steve is two blocks high and can reach up to three blocks and is perfectly capable of standing under him and catching him if he falls.

[CP] Growls a little- He's barely strong enough to use the iron pick, it could have thrown him off balance and made him fall into a more dangerous situation!

[TLOT] It's a tight, dry cave Cp, it's okay. Steve won't let him get hurt. They know what they're doing. Steve's mine like fish swim.

[CP] Frustrated noises-

[EJ] Is finding it very weird to be seeing CP acting like this-

[Doc] Here, I'll make you feel better- Makes some weird chittering noises and there's a squeak upstairs as the lab door is triggered. The Galvantula scurries down the steps and buzzes at Doc. - Can you go watch over Steve and Stevie? They're in a tunnel down the shaft by the shulker pen.

[Glavantula] Buuzop! - Skitters in that direction.

[CP] - How is that supposed to be helping?

[Doc] It can guard their backs. The jolt it gives off now is nearly as strong as my lighting blast as a dragon.

[CP] Grumbles-

[Sally] - EJ, I'm still hungry!

[Doc] I'd say you could send your Honedge but you kinda need it. Where's the Shuppet? You could tell it to guard Stevie.

[CP] - The hell should I know

[TLOT] I've got plently of basic food I can drag from creative Sally. What sounds good? roast chicken? Pork chops? I've got a loaded baked potato and even cookies.

[Doc] Fixes on the Honedge - can you call other Pokemon?

[Sally] - Cookies!

[EJ] - Real food first Sally

[Honedge] Gives a thumbs up with it's sash-

[TLOT] Spawns some food for her and a pile of cookies.

[Doc] Excellent, thank you.

[Sally] Immediately goes for the cookies-

[EJ] - Sally!

[Shuppet] Phases through the far wall and floats down near the sword making odd noises.

[Doc] It's technically yours Cp. Ask it to watch over Stevie.

[Honedge] Vibrates at Shuppet-

[CP] Grumbles- Oi, go watch Stevie

[Shuppet] Brushes the hem of it's little cloak on the sash of the Honedge and flies off the same way as the Galvantula went.

[Doc] That was perfect. Well done.

[CP] Shut it

[Doc] Do you feel better now at least?

[CP] - No

[TLOT] Should I tell them to stop and come back up?

[CP] - Ugh, I don't know!

[TLOT] Does a little skim on Cp's mind to see if he needs anything.

[CP] Worry is the greatest thing in his mind right now, he wants to be down with Lie to make sure she's okay mostly-

[TLOT] Touches Lies mind gently. - Are you okay Lie? Cp's very worried about you. Like, in a nice, loving way.

[Lie] - Yeah...  I think so...  Just still a little shaky...

[TLOT] Do you need to be alone a bit more?

[Lie] - I'm already not entirely alone, LH is down here with me

[TLOT] accidently aloud- Yeah, he's a good cat. That doesn't surprise me.

[CP] - You better not be referring to me

[TLOT] Chuckles - No. Lie is fine, she's still in the tub and LH is hanging out with her.

[CP] Sighs a little before starting up pacing again-

[TLOT] Looks unfocused for a moment. - You should have told the Shuppet to watch over Stevie when you first brought it here. Steve say that Stevie thinks it's the coolest thing ever.

[CP] - Oh joy...

[Doc] Pokemon do make really good bodyguards...

[CP] Growls a little-

[Espurr] Comes toddling in from Silver's room-

[Doc] Speaking of.... Hey Espurr.

[Espurr] Makes  happy face as it says it's name at Doc-

[Doc] Kneels down - I think I have some cooked fish left - pats around and offers him one- There you go. Where's Silver?

[Silver] - Dieno wait!

[Dieno] Rushes headfirst into a wall without it's helmet-

[Doc] Ouch, I guess that answers my question. - Xe gets up and sprays the Deino with a spritz of regular potion.

[Silver] Comes in with Dieno's helmet- Dieno!

[Doc] He's raring to go isn't he? Seems healthier then he was too.

[Silver] - I was just giving him a bath and he decided to run off...

[Doc] Scrubs the Deino under his chin- well that was naughty Deino, running away from your bath. Shame on you.

[Silver] - Of course he waited till I had his helmet off...

[EJ] - Silver?

[Doc] Laughs- Like a little kid.

[Silver] - Oh!  Uh... Um.. EJ...

[Doc] Is tryign not to grin.

[EJ] - Who'd you kill?

[Doc] No one. A friend of ours got his colors back with sheer love and determination.

[EJ] - That doesn't seem possible...

[Doc] -shrugs- He's not the only person she's healed with her hugs either. She's a very special Alex.

[EJ] - Whatever...

[TLOT] You know... now that you mention it Doc.... that crap coming out of Ej's eyes looks an awful look like the black weeping nastiness that GK had from the holy water corruption.

[Sally] Sneakily reaches for a cookie-

[EJ] - The what?

[Doc] GK can possess people, and he was forcibly ejected from a victim because the victim was made to drink holy water. The corruption stayed in his body, burning him from the inside out and weeping from his eyes and the corners of his mouth. He was incredibly ill. I think a lesser brine might have died.

[EJ] - I doubt it's the same as mine

[TLOT] You never know. You could talk to him about it. If you see a big red dragon that looks like he's part pig, flag him down. He's easily swayed to cooperation if you have alcohol too.

[EJ] - I doubt what he has to say will be of any interest to me- A bit of the black substance drips onto the ground

[TLOT] Suit yourself.

[Doc] Silver, guess what? My Joltick evolved! He's freaking huge now.

[Silver] - Wow, congrats- Silver now feels a little bit bad since none of his pokemon have ever evolved

[Doc] What's the matter Silver? I thought you'd think it was neat.

[Silver] - Oh, uh, it's nothing really...- Very quietly to himself- I guess I'm just not a good enough trainer...

[TLOT] A what Silver? I thought the evolving was just an experience thing? And I didn't think you'd be able to battle much with your housemates.

[Eevee] Bounds up, making inquisitive noises towards Silver-

[Doc] That's a good point. Which pokemon did you get first Silver?

[Silver] Turns reds with embarrassment- Oh...   Um, uh...  You see, experience isn't always the defining factor of an evolution.  Pokemon can force evolve themselves if they feel it's necessary...  Oh, and, uh, Eevee

[Doc] Then I guess we could just ask, you said they understand people- kneels down beside Eevee- You know, if you wanted to evolve you could. I think it would make Silver pretty happy.

[Eevee] Happily says it's name and jumps around-

[TLOT] Maybe they couldn't evolve because they were all sick and rotting before?

[Silver] - I...  I don't know...

[TLOT] what does Eevee turn into anyway?

[Silver] - A number of things, they don't evolve normally.  The can evolve into one of several element pokemon like flareon, jolteon, leafeon, or umbreon.  Most require a stone though...

[Doc] Hmmm. What do you think Eevee? You've got quite an audience here. I know I'd love to see it. And it sounds like you've got lots of options to pick from.

[Eevee] Runs over to Silver and stands on it's hind legs, his front paws on Silver's legs as it says it's name and paws at Silver-

{Doc] What are they saying? Do they need a stone for the one they want?

[Silver] - They're just saying they love me...

[Doc] AWWWWW.

[TLOT] That's a good place to start. Do they want you to pick?

[Silver] Crouches down- It's up to you Eevee...  If you can...

[TLOT] Takes a surreptitious picture.

[Eevee] Makes a very happy sound before beginning to glow-

[TLOT] Decides to project what's happening to Lie and Steve.

[liu] -is watching with amazement-

[Eevee] It's legs elongate and it loses it's fluffy collar and tail and long ribbons wrap around it's neck as a bow appears on it's head.  It's now pink and white-

[TLOT] That's so cute!

[Sylveon] - Sylveon!

[Doc] Whoah! Are the ribbons appendages?

[Sylveon] Wraps an appendage around Silver's arm-

[Silver] - Yes they are

[liu] it's adorable

[Doc] See? I knew you were a good trainer.

[Silver] - Hey Sylveon

[Grinny] Barfs on the bed-

[Doc] Oh come on!

[Sylveon] - Syl!  Sylveon!

[TLOT] You said they were elemental? Is this one love based?

[Silver] - Sylveon is a fairy type, they can only evolve if they have a deep bond with their trainer and love them greatly

[Doc] Dawwwwww.

[EJ] Would roll his eyes if he had any-

[Espurr] Initiates play with Sylveon-

[Sally] - It's so cute!

[Deer] - It is adorable looking, especially with how it has that ribbon around your arm Silver

[Doc] Reminds me of Stevie holding Markus's hand everywhere they go.

[Silver] - Yeah, Sylveon's do that

[Doc] Oh, Silver. You remember how you gave me those pokemon codes to stabilize them? I used them on Grinny and Smile. And then Jeff stormed in having a shit fit earlier because Smile apparently learned tackle.

[Silver] - Oh...  Oh dear...  That could be bad...

[Doc] Just because he's so big? It's a basic strong move right?

[Silver] - Yeah, but it can get stronger with training...

[Doc] Well he's already formidable. And he's got a new trick as well. Hey Smile wanna say hi to your buddy Silver? You haven't seen him in a while, right?

[Smile] - SILVER!- Goes to barrel into Silver when Sylveon intervenes, blasting Smile back with Fairy Wind

[Doc] Gets in the way and catches the dog before he can slam against the stairs. Xe's smushed for a moment and makes a loud noise as all the air goes out of hir. - fuck!

[Smile] Wiggles upright again and his tail briefly beats in Doc's face as he wags it-

[Doc] OoF! - spitting out a bit of hair-

[Smile] Runs around the room-

[Doc] Wheezing - well anyway. Him and Grinny can talk now.

[Silver] Tilts head in confusion- They always could...

[EJ] - At least to us pastas...

[Doc] They can talk to anyone now.

[EJ] - Oh lovely...

[Doc] Though Grinny is mostly just cussing at me.

[EJ] - As he does with everyone

[Doc] Oh, that actually makes me feel a bit better about it. Thanks.

[EJ] - Wasn't my intention

[Doc] Tough. - So how's the Deino doing? I can't wait to see what it'll turn into.

-There's a squishy sound on the steps - goo?

[Silver] - Okay for now

[CP] Is still pacing-

[Doc] Oh hey Goomy, wanna join the party?

[Goomy] Cooing.

[Doc] This one has been training without me I think. They keep going out in the rain to fight mobs at night. I keep getting up to the garden being full of mob loot and this one all exhausted.

[EJ] - Idiot little slug

[Goomy] Blows a raspberry at Ej-

[EJ] Flips it off before turning to Sally- Come on Sally, ready to head back to Splender's?

[Silver] - Actually it's a dragon...

[Doc] It is?

[TLOT] SERIOUSLY?

[Silver] Nods-

[Goomy] GOo!

[Doc] You little dickens- Scoops up the Goomy. - Is that why you wanted to come with me?

[Goomy] Coos

[Silver] - They're supposed to be leveled up in the rain...

[Doc] Oh that's perfect. Yeah you and me are going to do some training together. Silver if you don't mind, I'd love to see you put the Deino through his paces anyway.

[Silver] Grabs Deino and puts it's helmet on- How so?

[Doc] What kind of moves can he learn? I don't even know what type he is, he looks part plant.

[Silver] - Plant and dragon moves

[Doc] This thing around his head does look like a blossom that's not open yet too.

[Silver] - Well I think I'll go give him his bath now, come on Espurr, Sylveon

[Doc] Hey Silver, - comes over with the Goomy in hir arms. - Thank you for the advice. I can't wait to see what these two become.

[Silver] - Oh, uh, your welcome

[CP] Is now pacing through more lava-

[Doc] And let Strangled know he's not a prisoner, okay? He's been hiding in your room for quite some time.

[Silver] - Oh, I know

[Goomy] Coos happily at Silver

[Silver] Goes back to his room-

[TLOT] Goes back to flipping the lava blocks back to stone.

[Doc] Makes a smug face at Ej.

[EJ] Collects Sally and leaves-

[TLOT] Palms another cookie to Sally as she passes.

[Sally] Smiles at TLOT and waves good bye-

[TLOT] Hehe, Cute kid.

[CP] Is just getting more wound up-

[Doc] Turns back to watch him. - Cp... you're just making yourself more upset.

[CP] - Well what am I supposed to do!?

[Doc] Right now there's not much you can do. Would you like some tea? Deerheart did bring some down earlier.

[CP] - I'll be fine

[Doc] Oh, I know something that will help one problem at least. - Xe whispers to TLOT for a minute and he grins hugely-

[CP] - I don't like that look...

[TLOT] Whips up something behind his back and force equipts a pair of iron enchanted boots on Cp.

[CP] Stumbles a bit- The fuck are you doing!?

[Doc] They're frost walker boots. At least it'll keep the floor solid and your hot foot cool.

[CP] Scowls but does continue pacing, ending up in a cloud of steam-

[TLOT] Leans back on the stairs. - That feels nice. Instant sauna.

[CP] - I hate both of you

[Doc] Love you anyway Cp.

[TLOT] Likewise.

[CP] Growls a bit-

[Grinny] Slinks about the room-

[Lie] Pet's LH, her nerves finally almost completely calm-

[LH] Is purrring loudly, and bumps himself against her head, then jumps because now he's a little damp.

[Lie] - Silly kitty

[LH] Shakes his little head, and bumps her again - PUUUUUUUUUUULOVEYOUUUUURRRR

[Lie] Yelps a little- Doooooc?

[LH] Innocent look.

[CP] Perks at Lie's voice-

[Doc] calls out- Lie? Do you want company or are you coming back up?

[Lie] - um...  Your cat just talked...

[CP] - HA!  FUCKING TOLD YOU TLOT!

[TLOT] Jumps because he just got yelled at. - What? Huh?

[Doc] Lie... Are you okay?

[Lie] - Yeah, just a bit weirded out...

[LH] Is jumping after a stray touchie that's buzzing over the bed.

[Lie] Steps out of the tub and finds a towel to dry herself off with-

[LH] Catches the bug only to let it go again.

[Lie] Pulls her clothes on and grabs LH and carries him upstairs-

[LH] Is wiggling-

[Lie] - Doc, how does your cat know how to talk?

[Doc] He doesn't, at least not that I know of. I mean he's glitched a little but he's still just a simple cat.

[Lie] - No, I just heard him say "love you"...

[CP] - He's said things to me too...  But TLOT didn't believe me...

[TLOT] Can you blame me? You were really stressed at the time.

[Doc] I'm not sure what to say Lie, are you sure you didn't just doze off in the tub a bit?

[Lie] - Doc...  I don't think I can sleep after what I just went through

[Doc] Good point... well.. I don't know. At least it was something good right? He didn't threaten to eat your eyeballs or something.

[CP] Is a bit smug over the fact that he was right-

[LH] Mew? -wiggles more-

[Lie] Puts LH down and scoots closer to CP- Why are we steaming now?

[LH] Gets interested in his own tail and starts chasing it in tight circles.

[TLOT] He was pacing hot holes in the floor

[CP] Kicks the boots off and pulls Lie close to him- Mine

[Doc] Lets a little laugh slip out at the abruptness of his display

[CP] Flips Doc off-

[TLOT] Happy now?

[Doc] Is watching the cat as he falls over from dizzyness

[CP] Just nuzzles into Lie-

[Lie] - Hey, how's Stevie doing?

[TLOT] Having fun, getting sweaty and covered in rock dust. The natural state of Steve's everywhere.

[Lie] - At least he's having fun...

[LH] Prances back over to Grinny - Meep?

[Grinny] Growls at LH-

[LH] Is trying to get Grinny to play with him-

[Grinny] Tail is drooped and he really doesn't have much energy-

[Doc] Notices- Do you want some more food Grinny? I saw you threw up.

[CP] - Oh, and TLOT, you've heard LH talk

[Grinny] - No, I'm fine...

[TLOT] I have?

[CP] - When you put the fucking sub titles on me, that please?  That was from the cat, not me

[Doc] Are sure? I have some nice warm chicken - offers a piece of roast meat.

[Grinny] Just flops down-

[TLOT] Then I should turn them back on you, you rat.

[CP] - Oh fuck no

[TLOT] Narrows his eyes at Cp. He's just faintly annoyed.

[CP] - Your opportunity is long gone TLOT

[Doc] Sighs and makes a bit of statick before glitching the food directly into Grinnys stomach.

[Grinny] Turns and attacks Doc's hand-

[TLOT] I'm not going to do anything now. But I'll remember that.

[Doc] Just ignores his little scratches. They aren't strong enough to pierce hir gloves.

[Grinny] Flumps in defeat-

[Doc] gently- It doesn't hurt to take kindness from me Grinny. I don't expect anything in return.

[Grinny] - Shut up

[Doc] Kisses a finger and boops it gently on his little nose.

[Lie] - TLOT, can you make sure Stevie gets home?

[TLOT] what you mean, doesn't get lost? They're just in a tunnel a few levels below us. If you go to the ladder by the shulker cage and yell down they might even hear you.

[Lie] - I mean my house, I kinda just want to be there now...

[TLOT] oh, do you want us to babysit for a bit? Or bring him straight over when they're done?

[Lie] - I wouldn't mind either, I know we already have baby dragons running around...

[TLOT] Okay we'll entertain him for a while and he can sleep here. I'll bring him back over in the morning. Alright?

[Lie] - Thank you

[CP] Perks a little and whispers to Lie- Sex?

[TLOT] Huge smile- quietly mentally to Cp- Get some brother brine.

[CP] Glares at TLOT-

[Lie] Shakes her head a little- Really CP?

[CP] - Oh come on, Stevie won't be there...

[TLOT] Pulls out a fat bottle of golden liquid and holds it out with a grin-

[Lie] - Why!?

[TLOT] Its good for... calming nerves.

[Lie] Uncertain noises-

[Smile] Bumps into TLOT-

[TLOT] Fumbles the bottle and barely manages to catch it in time.

[Lie] Sighs- Thanks TLOT- She takes the bottle and puts it in her inventory

[TLOT] You guys have fun.

[CP] Picks Lie up and starts walking out of the lab-

[Doc] Sit's down on the clean bed and cradles Grinny.

[LH] Hops up as well and starts cleaning the other cats left ear.

[Grinny] - Go away!

[LH] Cleans the other ear instead.

[Grinny] Hisses-

[LH] Gives Grinny a little lick on the cheek and snuggles up next to him and Doc.

[Smile] Lays on top of Doc's feet-

[Deer] Giggles at the sight- Aren't I supposed to be the one that animals like?

[Doc] I'm not nearly as good as you are.

[Goomy] Bumps up against one of Deerheart's hooves.

[Deer] Picks up Goomy and joins them on the bed, giving Doc a kiss on the cheek- Either way, I love you

[Doc] Just melts with happiness. - I love you too. - happy little hum.

[TLOT] Starts fiddling with some pixels and lays back on the steps. There's a bit of indrawn breath and he starts to laugh.

[Deer] - TLOT?  What is it?

[TLOT] Focuses a little of his energies and raises one hand straight up.  A tiny scrap of white flutters down from the ceiling and lands on his fingers. - One of the honesty flitters was hanging out in the vines above us.

[Deer] Giggles- Well that would explain CP's honesty earlier

[TLOT] I thought he was being more forthcoming then usual.

[Deer] - How's Stevie doing?  Have they found good loot?

[TLOT] Closes his eyes- Looks like it, lapis, a little redstone, some gold, a whole lot of coal. And it looks like Stevie found some of the weird bone blocks.

[Deer] - Good for him

[cookinguptales]

For the ask thing, 74?

74. What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten?

I MEAN I guess that’s really in the eye of the beholder?

a not exhaustive list of weird things I’ve eaten

Kangaroo, ostrich, alligator… Lesser “weird” meats that I don’t think are weird, like goat, rabbit, quail, elk, bison, snails, wild boar, frog, reindeer… None of those are bad, honestly, though I’m not sure any are worth the expense.

Assorted bugs

Various organs?? Heart, cartilage, kidney, tongue, sweetbreads (thymus glands), liver, gizzards, whatever the hell is in head cheese and scrapple… I mean, part of my family is Pennsylvania Dutch, so there’s a lot of the whole “mystery meat” thing and I think it’s generally pretty gross. I like sweetbreads if they’re made right, though.

Lobster guts! Not bad, actually. Not the texture I was expecting at all. Was described as lobster “brain” but idk man it all kind of ran together. I have also had calf brain, not pleasant. That was a funnier story, though, about why my dad should have been nicer to me while we were in France and stopped talking over me when I was trying to speak French and acting like I didn’t know anything. Because if he had listened to me I might have told him he was ordering a calf’s brain but whatever why listen to the girl who’s had 5 years of French… His face was funny tho.

Various kinds of like. Fish…solids… idk man. I had quenelle in France and various fish cakes in Japan. idk man. They’re not my favorite.

Raw scallops?? idk scallops aren’t weird but I tried them raw a few times in restaurants and it was horrible. idk if it’s weird. it’s horrible tho, don’t do it. r u n.

Foie gras soup. Actually one of the best things I’ve ever eaten, which is surprising bc I don’t generally like foie gras that much. It’s very…rich…

OH okay so I kept trying to find cheese that wasn’t disgusting in Japan and I found this stuff that looked like a single string cheese stick and it was labeled ホタテチイズ and I thought that it was just like…….shaped like scallops or something? Japan has euphemism names a lot and I thought that’s all it was until I put it in my mouth. Protip: cheese that tastes like scallops (might have been packaged in scallop juice? or had scallop in it?) is not a fun time!! Natto also wasn’t fun but at least that’s a normal American hazing ritual. I was not even almost prepared for the scallop cheese.

Some of the popcorn at tokyo disneyland was fuckin weird. Strawberry popcorn, curry popcorn, milk tea popcorn, corn potage popcorn… I liked the strawberry popcorn (went great with hard cider) and curry popcorn, but the milk tea was WAY too sweet (I don’t like milk tea flavored things, generally) and the corn potage popcorn was literally just corn flavored corn and what the hell.

OH, SPEAKING OF CORN, HOMINY. Like people are all “no Sarah that’s normal that’s just regional” but fuck you no, hominy is bizarre and gross!! Stop telling me it’s normal to soak corn in lye!!! Stop trying to make me eat hominy! I’m not here for it!

Chicken feet and sea cucumber… Not my favorite meal…

I’m a pretty adventurous eater, okay? I don’t usually go out looking for this stuff, but I eat what’s put in front of me and sometimes I find things I really like. (Except hominy, fuck hominy. So much of my childhood was people trying to convince me to eat hominy.)