#he tries to act all tough and cold but in reality he craves warmth and comfort and softness

[here-comes-the-moose]

Crosshair: I’m mean and cold-hearted. I don’t need anyone or any comforts.

Echo: Shut the fuck up Crosshair, you get hurt if one of us doesn’t tuck you in and cry every time you watch Lilo & Stitch.

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers Pet-chapter 14: wandering

All chapters

chapter 13

I awoke suddenly feeling a cold breeze of air brush my face, I looked around and realized I had fallen asleep outside against the tree, and it was now nighttime. "Crap" I whispered looking down at my watch. It was already 9 o'clock. How had no one questioned where I was? Better yet how had no one seen me? I frowned a bit at the thought no one came to find me. It was freezing too, considering it was Winter, I'm surprised it wasn't snowing yet.

 I stood up and grabbed my bag and began to head back inside the castle to head to my dormitory. I let out a deep breath remembering the realization I had come to before I drifted off. I hated having to deal with this now. Well actually, there really was no way to deal with this. Most people that develop...feelings for someone are actually able to work through and maybe act on them. But not I. I was to be stuck with this for however long it decides to stick around. I don't want to jump to conclusions, it's not like I like the man, I just...fancy him. Yeah, fancy that's the perfect word to describe what I felt for Severus. My potions Professor. Oh merlin y/n what is wrong with you!? He's a teacher for heaven's sake. I need to do everything possible to get rid of this feeling, or redirect it somehow.

I finally made it back into my dormitory and quietly took a shower and got ready for bed. My roommates seemed to be pretty heavy sleepers. I stood in the mirror fresh out of the shower and brushed my hair. Looking at the girl before me, the one who has convinced herself somehow, to fall for this cruel man. But he wasn't cruel was he. Not to me at least. I put my dark green nightgown on and slipped on my panties, exiting the bathroom after washing my face and brushing my teeth. I laid a few pats on Hera and gave her a treat, crawling into bed and looking up at my ceiling. How could this have happened? He was so awful to me when we first met, I mean he's awful to everyone, how did I stem feelings from seeing him a couple extra hours, and pleasing him by passing this test? It all seemed to have happened overnight. I began to realize though it didn't happen overnight, I've felt this way since he saved me from detention with Lockhart. Foolish of me. I closed my eyes waiting to drift asleep, but to no surprise, I couldn't. Typical, the one time I need my thoughts to shut up, they don't, they only hinder me from the peaceful release. I did take a rather long nap earlier, so it makes sense. I got up and slipped on some socks and grabbed my wand. I exited the dormitory and walked out into the dungeons. Holy shit it's cold, I thought to myself. "Lumos" I whispered and began walking down the hall, not in the direction of Snape's class. Last thing I would need right now is to run into a certain brooding man. I crossed my arms over my chest to help with the cold feeling, and continued taking a slow stroll through the castle. I could probably easily get caught and would most definitely get some form of punishment, but I didn't really care. It's not like they'd kick me out or something.

I looked out a window as I passed by it and looked out at the forest. I've heard stories of the Forbidden Forest, but I figured it was forbidden for a reason. I did have some desire to explore it one day though, just not tonight. I continued down the hall and looked at all the portraits as they slept. This school really is wondrous. I do miss Beauxbatons. To think if I hadn't been torn from there I may not be in the predicament I found myself in currently. I decided to head to the kitchens to see if the house elves were still in there, or if they too go and sleep, and maybe i'd be able to get a cup of coffee or something. As I headed that way I heard mumbling voices and turned out my wand and clung to the wall, I looked over the corner to see Professor Flitwick and Professor Lockhart conversing as they walked past and continued monitoring the halls, heading towards the Ravenclaw dormitories. I quietly tiptoed once I saw them out of sight and picked up the pace to the kitchen. As I reached the doors I stood on my toes to look through the windows and saw no one inside. I let myself in and walked over to what I hoped was the coffee machine. Now where's the coffee? I went through each cabinet checking where it could be, it didn't help it was dark, but I didn't wanna risk being seen. I opened and closed each cabinet as quietly as possible still having no luck. I squatted down to the very far end cabinet on the bottom but it was locked, hmm this must be where they keep the coffee so no one drinks it, silly I thought, "Alohomora" I whispered pointing my wand to it and heard it click open. Sure enough to my surprise the coffee was indeed in here, It was a special blend so I was guessing it was one of the teachers in specific, I pulled the jar out and put enough into a filter into the pot to make one cup and then added the water, I pressed the power button and took a few minutes to figure out how to work it. Before I pressed brew I thought for a moment and placed a silencing spell on the room.

After what seemed like forever, but in reality was 5 minutes, the coffee was done and I poured it all into a mug I found on the shelf. I blew on it a bit but it was still very hot. I laid it on the counter and cleaned up the machine. I grabbed the coffee tin and went to place it back in its place, as I squatted down I noticed in the back of this cabinet were a few bottles of firewhiskey and wine. Wow the Professors must have some fun around here. I looked at the brown bottles and thought about it for a moment. No I shouldn't If I get caught with that I would actually be kicked out. I left it alone for now and shut the cabinet, locking it and taking my cup from the counter. I headed out of the kitchen checking to make sure no one was near and took the charm off as I left. I began walking down the quiet and cold halls once more. I then had an idea. I made my way all the way to the stairs that led to the Astronomy tower and headed up in it to sit and enjoy the hot beverage. I stood leaning against the wall looking out over the courtyards and rest of the castle, you could see a lot of the school from here, this was probably my favorite place to come in the whole school. All the stars twinkling above. I took a sip of my cup, the hot liquid running down my throat, a sigh of relief as warmth filled my body. It was very cold up here and I wish I had brought my coat.

I looked up at the sky, and my thoughts began to run, I soon realized the only thing on my mind was My professor. How stupid of me to let this happen. I think the worst part was how I knew I would not be able to confide in anyone about these inappropriate feelings, no one would understand, and who knows they may think I'm dreadful and disgusting. I never confided in my father, and stopped confiding in my mother when I realized anytime I did she would ask me what I did that caused this to happen, it was always my fault no matter how many times I was screwed over. The only one I would ever be able to confide in was my sister. We were very close and she always listened and gave me good advice, she was so understanding, kind, and non judgmental. She was a much better person than I. She would have loved this view too, she would have loved Hogwarts, I just know she would have been in Hufflepuff, she'd fit right in with them. Or maybe Griffyndor, she was so brave when it came down to tough situations. My mother would be a Raven claw no doubt, she's very smart and technical. I don't know what my father would be. "Probably a Slytherin that bastard" I said out loud taking another sip. He attended Durmstrang. I cringed at the thought of him being in my house as well. I was nothing like him. He was horrible and vain, not to mention incredibly sexist and probably everything else you could think of. That asshole was such a phony too. He'd act so chill and nice to people, but it was all a facade to hide his cunty side. I grew frustrated just thinking about him.

I began to feel a hot tear slide down my face, my sister would have tried defending him, she was so sweet, she hated when he and I would fight. Always breaking it up and telling me how he wasnt worth it, and even though he's a jerk he was still our father. I was glad to have left him, hopefully I'd never have to see him again, I'd miss having a dad, but not him. I sniffled and a few more tears came down my face. I sat down on one of the ledges and looked out at the moon, it was so beautiful. I wish I could just live on the moon, carefree, peaceful, and quiet. Numb to everything. I wouldt have to live with these new feelings for this man I would never have. I began to cry more thinking about how dreadful my remaining years here at Hogwarts would be if these feelings did not resolve themselves. I want to blame my after for this, if he didnt leave me so damaged maybe I wouldn't be craving the affection and appreciation from this older man. I wiped my tears as they fell remembering the way he smelt, his smile, his hair, his eyes. They were so dark and held great sadness. I could tell he's been through a lot, but he was good at hiding it. I wiped the tears that still flooded down and looked up to the sky. "What do I do? How do I deal with this?" I asked no one, not expecting a direct response, but some sign at least. "Please. I'm not cut out for this type of thing. Why him? Of all the people here why him? What do I do!" I said as I let my frustration take over and began to cry harder, thinking of this beautiful man that I'd never get to touch and have, that I was growing such strong feelings for.

[alienoresimagines]

I'm too tired to be tough (Just wanna be loved by you) | Bill "Hoosier" Smith x Sidney Phillips

A/N : Happy birthday @murphyism, I love you so damn much🥺❤ I hope you’ll enjoy this one and have an amazing birthday!! This was supposed to be fluffy but actually isn’t, it’s more of a character study. I’m not entirely satisfied with it but eh, I hope u’ll like it :) Again thank you @punkgeekchic for being my beta reader and taking the time to correct all my mistakes💙

Taglist :  @murphyism​ @mavysnavy @speirs-sexy-ass​ @order-of-river-phoenix @inglourious-imagines @liebegott​ @tvserie-s-world @stressedinadress @warrior-healer

Posted : 24/09/2020

Masterlist Prompts Taglists

Hoosier loved winters. True winters, with snow and cold, where you’re sick with the flu and not with some illness mosquitoes gave you.

It was the time of the year where he could just lay on whatever surface he found as long as he was wrapped in his blankets.

When he was a kid, he always loved and expected Christmas. His mother’s kind eyes at the end of the stairs near the Christmas tree, waiting for him was the first thing he thought about when asked about home. It was probably the only day he would’ve consider waking up early willingly. Now, he held Christmas and snow even closer to his heart as it was the only things not tainted by the war.

It was the first time he’d celebrate it since he was back. Sidney had invited him to spend it with him, his parents and sister being away somewhere in Chicago. Hoosier refused to think about why he had accepted.

“Are you going to be laid under your blankets all day?”

Sid sat down on the space left of the couch, two cups of coffee in his hands as he handed one to Bill who nodded his thanks while taking the warm cup in his cold hands.

“Why would you want me to do anything else?” He looked up from his blanket, brought the mug to his lips and took a sip, all while carefully studying the younger man who was watching him with something that looked like softness in his kind blue eyes. Hoosier refused to linger on it, but he craved something that he knew only the man beside him could offer. The warmth that was radiating off Sidney only made it to harder to not reach out to grab him by the collar and cuddle to his side. He didn’t even know why he was fighting that instinct, that need.

The source of all his internal conflicts was neatly clothed, Bill noticed. His blonde, slightly curly hair was arranged perfectly to fit his face, his white shirt straight and clean. No matter how much he denied it, Sid always put time into his appearance. There were times Hoosier feared it was to impress him.

Though there was no need, the only thing between them two being Hoosier himself. And for once he was ready to give in. Ready to give him more than a few kisses when the war came too close from knocking at his heart’s door, more than lingering touches he couldn’t hold back, to give him the person he was, but most importantly the person he wasn’t anymore.

“Fair point.” Sidney’s gentle voice brought him back to reality, making him painfully realize how dry his throat was. As if he was back on the damned last island, with dust and blood everywhere he looked. It was easier when they were fighting a war. Then Hoosier could act as he wanted, although chained by fear, he was allowed to joke around and in a rush of fondness give a present and celebrating someone’s birthday. Even if the present was a mere grenade, in a battle it could save his life. But Hoosier hadn’t think about that aspect, it was simply the first thing he laid the hand on. After all, they were in a war, he could have died at any moment, leaving and forgetting everything behind. Past loves and future sorrows.

Hoosier took another sip of his too hot coffee without breaking the eye contact, feeling the warmth deep within his chest again and butterflies in his stomach. Maybe this time, Sid wouldn’t be disappointed and Hoosier’s heart wouldn’t be crushed.

The ringing of the phone in the hallway pierced his ears but he did not flinch and instead rolled his eyes and reluctantly started to move out of his comfortable spot.

“I’ll take that one, Bill.” Sid was off before Hoosier could say a thing but he heard how the younger one’s voice was shaking. His fists clenched as guilt washed over him but he couldn’t let his fences down, no matter how much he tried. Hoosier felt like the bad boy in high school who’d bring girl’s hopes up just to let them know he was in fact interested in their best friend. His mother didn’t raise him like such, the twist in his stomach let him know.

It most probably wasn’t what Sid had in mind as company for Christmas. Hoosier threw his head back and closed his eyes, praying to a god he stopped believing in.

Sidney’s youthful faith appeared in the doorway, a fake smile on his face and Hoosier’s silent prayers turned into curses.

“Eugene wants to know if we’re down for a walk.” He was tired, Hoosier finally realized.

Tired of loving someone who didn’t allow himself to give it back.

Tired of trying and trying for what seemed to be nothing.

Bill was tired too.

“When?”

“Why would that matter, do you have something planned in the near future?” That stung, and Bill flinched. He deserved it though, but what hurt even more was the look of guilt on Sid’s features. People like Sid shouldn’t have to be sad or feel any kind of negative emotions.

“Yes, for ya to sit down here and cuddle me, ’m cold.” Sid watched him with wide eyes, surely repeating what he just said in his head over and over to be sure it was real. Bill watched as Sid’s blue eyes sparkled and he bit his lips, trying so hard not to smile but failing miserably.

That sight was worth fighting every evil in the world.

“I..I’m sure Gene won’t take that against you.” No, that he wouldn’t. But Bill knew that Sledge fella had some unpleasant but deserved words for him. Bill smiled at Sid, truly and with every emotions he could muster. It seemed to be enough for Sid as he left, lighter than before.

Somehow, it hurt even more.

When Sid returned, after muffled whispers of bliss and hushed confessions to his best friend, the smile hadn’t left his face, even if Bill could say he was trying to tone it down.

His own face was softened, lips forming a lazy smile as he observed Sid with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” He asked while making place for him.

“Are you alright? I mean.. I don’t want to force you in anything you don’t want.. I-” Sidney spoke fast his doubts but his eyes didn’t lie. Oh, what did Bill do? What was he even doing?

Nothing good could ever come out of it, his brain whispered.

He’s scarred and so are you. Right now doesn’t have to be good as long as he makes you feel a better man, his heart chimed in.

Bill’s face darkened for a second before he looked at Sid’s face again. He made eye contact with him for several seconds, corners of the lips twitching slightly.

“Sid. Stop thinking and come cuddle with me.” Sid laughed in relief, still a bit stiff but making his way over. They struggled a bit at first with all the fluffy blankets but they managed, and the younger one settled on his side, head layed on Bill’s shoulder and slowly intertwining their fingers, his own shaking.

Hesitating, not sure of the moves he was allowed to do without making Bill walk away.

For the first time in days, Bill’s love for Sid won against his hatred, and he firmly but tenderly squeezed Sid’s hand.

[thewolfisawake]

His vision blurred and snapped into focus as his eyes slowly creaked open in confusion. Had he been asleep? But sleeping while standing on his feet, that didn’t make any sense. Heat crept across his skin even as he still tried to clear the odd haze from his eyes. It felt like waking from a daze or a long sleep, the kind he usually fell into after a particularly tough mission. 

Orange blurred in his sight and finally he could focus enough to find the source of the heat around him. But it was the sight of the world on fire that greeted him. Flames roared as far as he could see, the sound of crackling and snapping of wood nearly deafening him. Wh-where was he? What happened? Aspis stared closer, noting that there was structures that were engulfed and burning in the flames. What was chilling though was the fact that these were buildings that he recognized.

It had been years since he had seen them, but there was no way he could mistake the sight of his own house and the surrounding area of his little island. His home.

And it was burning.

He choked on ash as he made to call for help, or to call out for any survivors, but no sound or sign of life greeted him. What kind of being could have set the entirety of his island on fire? Aspis took a slow step forward then stopped as something on the ground caught his attention. He blanched at the sight of a hand strewn across the ground in front of him, and followed it down the arm to find a body with a sickeningly familiar head of red hair laying there covered in blood. Crowe lay lifeless across the path, his usual eye patch gone and eyes wide open in death staring up at him. A hand was pressed to his stomach where the blood seemed to have been pouring from, but his body was still and cold. He was long gone.

He took a jerky step back, mouth opening, either to scream or call for more help, when his eyes caught sight of another familiar body. A little ways away lay Emil, also still and bloody with his own sword driven through his heart. Blue eyes wide with what seemed like shock in their last moments stared at him as well. Near him lay Katarina, her sword as well resting in her stomach and bloody, sightless eyes staring into him. His friends all lay around him dead, brutally and horrifically killed. Did the same thing that set the island on fire kill them as well? And even if it did then why did it leave him alive and well?

Suddenly, a low laugh slithered through his mind, one that sounded like his own yet also didn’t, and a sharp wave of familiar pain ran through him. He fell to his knees, a hand landing in a pool of his friends’ blood and an agonized scream left him. His curse…! It was acting up for some reason. His head was pounding and he clutched at it as another scream left him. Then the memories came back.

For some reason he…had started acting oddly and set his own island on fire, and his friends tried to stop him. But they were fighting to subdue and reason with him. He was fighting to kill. The memories of him killing each one with his own hands came back, the confusion, surprise, and betrayal in their eyes as they bled out staring up at him haunting. And yet he only laughed and reveled in the destruction. Aspis screamed again, this time having nothing to do with the pain burning his body or the fire closing in on him, and the demonic laugh echoed again through his head.

You are sullied and too far gone.

Your curse will only bring ruin and destruction.

You are a monster.

Give in and let the last of your line die in the fiery, agony-ridden death it deserves…!

The voice echoed through his head as he could feel the flames beginning to lick his skin, the ruins of his home and friends surrounding him as it all burned to ash. And he quietly accepted death.

No sooner did his vision blacken in the dream did it return for his waking body. A cry strangled in his throat as it all replayed. A loud snap made him notice his surroundings, immediately recoiling from the fire. Unlike the one in his dreams, it was tamed by his fuel and the barrier set by its masters. Most of whom were asleep around it. 

But he could only see the inferno that engulfed his world. The heat accompanying the blood and guilt that ran down his frame. His breathing becoming obvious as he craved the air untainted by ash. Unfolding from the safety of his sleeping bag, came the chill of the night. The nipping felt better than the warmth of the fire. The one that threatened to take him again.

Aspis was so taken by the flames he didn’t notice Emil, returning from checking the perimeter. He was surprised to see anyone still up, “Aspis, round’s not for another hour.”

Emil’s voice forced him to notice the hunter. The color drained from Aspis’ face. He could see Emil coated in red. Blood still draining from his heart, its stillness watching him along with those lifeless eyes. Yet he was still moving towards him. 

Noticing the younger hunter’s eyes, Emil could tell something was off. He approached cautiously, yet with a tread that could alert the other two at the fire. For every step he took, Aspis moved further from him until his back pressed against a tree.

You are sullied and too far gone.

“I didn’t–” he started as he felt the bark scratch his back, “I didn’t ask for this…”

His vision flickered between the concern reflected in Emil’s eyes to the ones that reflected his sin. It felt like he was underwater, words like washes of water. Using the tree as a brace, he started to rise to his feet. He couldn’t hear him instead hearing that voice much like his own, Liar, you wanted this.

“I didn’t want this. Is it wrong to want to live? I–” tears welled in his eyes as his breathing became shallow.  Laughter met his thought, Nothing wrong with that. Live but tell me what’s your price to be alive?

Slowly he could see Crowe and Katarina waking up. The blood pouring as the covers removed from them. It staining their hands and clothes. Their eyes on him. Those…those hollow eyes that showed all his crimes. The ones he had. The ones he had yet to commit. 

Your curse will only bring ruin and destruction. You are a monster.

He ducked around the tree and ran. For the first time seeing reality and able to hear for a moment before he’d sprinted from their range. He didn’t know where he was going nor paid attention as branches swiped at him or the roots that stubbed his toes. His voice called, Hey, you didn’t answer what’s your price to be alive? Wasn’t it the blood of the island? 

It wasn’t my fault.

Mom and dad? 

It wasn’t–

Keahi? C’mon throw me a bone

H-Help…

Lolo? 

Help me…

Wasn’t that what got you here in the first place? Being weak to beg like this?

He couldn’t even answer as his foot hit air. Falling, he could see the moon peer through the clouds. Much like that night. When that voice slithered into his head. As he thought his life was going end to monsters that found him.

Give in and let the last of your line die in the fiery, agony-ridden death it deserves…!

The first branch that he hit, took his breath. The second blurred his sight. He quickly lost count after that. He wasn’t sure went he hit the ground. He didn’t care. Even as red seeped out of him, it running all over his body.

By the time his friends managed to catch up, he was a bloody heap on the ground. Trembling with sobs and incoherent with a language none of them were familiar with. They reached to take him to be treated, to safety…concern painting their faces.

But to him he could only see those face contorted with yearning. Asking for reason behind his guilt. To make him as dead as they were. He had no strength to fight them.

“…just let me die…I’m sorry……please let me go back…let me die…”