#he thinks hes doing cpr correctly he doesnt get whats wrong

[dizzybizz]

well shit,,, yeah, you're right...... *sighs and opens a new canvas in csp*

sampo koski:

[tthael]

was just thinking in tthael richie is kind of confident in his love/attraction to eddie and he's like "You want me more" when they are at the kissing bridge and he wants to show eddie their initials. hes very open with his feelings (as much as richie ever is) and doesnt want eddie to go back to new york. when in indelicate he seems unsure and insecure about it idk i was just wondering your thoughts! love both stories SO MUCH and its such a treat to read your writing :)

Woof, that was one of the ballsiest scenes I wrote for Richie, probably including all the IT fic I’ve written so far. In that particular scene in TTHAEL, I have Richie kind of aware that there’s a mutual attraction between him and Eddie, but also extremely afraid that Eddie is going to put that feeling back in his hat and go back to Myra and live as a “straight” man and forget all about Richie. The reason that Eddie’s response is to curse Richie out (if I remember correctly) is because Richie hasn’t come out to Eddie yet in that scene and Eddie thinks this is one more dig at his wife and his life and his presumed sexuality, and it’s an escalation of Richie’s typical flirtatious and teasing behavior--somewhere between “you know you want me” and Richie’s taunts about his mother and Myra in general.

That moment kind of happens in Indelicate too--when Eddie, realizing that if he’s going to be honest with Richie, needs to call Myra and break things off with her so that he’s in the clear. I think of Eddie as ruled by arbitrary principles and slowly working out which ones are moral and which ones are stupid--behavior classified as “cheating” is wrong, in Indelicate Eddie’s rulebook (which I also agree with), and he has to break that formal contract with Myra before he can admit to Richie what he feels. Richie, on the other hand, interprets this as “we just got too overtly homoerotic with each other and I’m gonna no-homo you by calling my wife,” and that’s why he’s so angry with Eddie that he just kind of chucks his phone at him and leaves without saying anything. So when he comes back and starts joking about Eddie’s heterosexual marriage, Eddie really blindsides him by coming out right there and kind of knocks the wind out of his sails.

Back to TTHAEL: Richie’s about ready to declare himself, to show Eddie the R+E on the bridge, to ask Eddie not to go back to his wife--and he does this after Eddie has already declared his intent to return to New York. If there were a song lyric for this moment (and you know if it’s out there I’m gonna find it), it’s “I would beg if I thought it would make you stay” from “Love You All the Time.” And then Richie realizes that Eddie is just as terrified as he is. And he has this kind of insight into what it means to be loved, for Eddie--his mother’s “love,” which was suffocating and abusive and entrapping--and he realizes that he doesn’t want to push Eddie so much. He just wants to make it clear that Eddie has options. I specifically reference “Love is an Open Door” in that scene not just because I’m Frozen trash, but also because Richie is giving Eddie permission to run if he needs to--not just from Myra and the rest of his life, but also from Richie himself.

Now at this point in Indelicate: Richie’s not out. He’s never actually said the words “I’m gay,” “I’m bisexual,” “I like men,” “I’m in love with Eddie” out loud. The most he’s copped to is (to a medical professional) admitting to having had sexual contact with men in the past, in order to get cleared to give Eddie blood to save his life; and (to Eddie) sometimes having sex with men, which he then qualifies by saying he doesn’t date--so there’s no emotional attachment there, Richie’s trying to make clear. It’s simultaneously an “I am available” and “no homo though.”

However--Richie absolutely went through the freakout at the end of the 2019 movie that he did in Indelicate, with the added stressors of carrying Eddie out of Its lair, performing CPR, injuring Eddie further, Eddie dying on the table not once but twice, and being wrestled into a chair by Ben Hanscom and forcibly sedated by a medical professional. Everyone who saw that absolutely knows that Richie’s in love with Eddie. You don’t see Ben or Bill melting down like that. Richie is thrilled that Eddie’s alive. Richie is obviously in love with Eddie. Richie is ready to dedicate the rest of his life to following Eddie around in whatever way Eddie will allow him.

Richie also knows that Eddie can’t leave. That Eddie needs medical help. That Eddie’s survived serious emotional and psychological abuse by at least his mother, maybe his wife (Richie doesn’t know and I haven’t explored it yet, but let’s assume that Richie thinks Myra is just a clone of Sonia the way I wrote her in TTHAEL). Richie also has issues with feeling out of control of himself--the werewolf shows up again in Indelicate not just as a replacement for Stan’s head, but also as a reminder of that fear that Richie has of being predatory. It’s the internalized homophobia. Richie’s not predatory for being attracted to Eddie, but he feels like it, and he’s disgusted with himself for what he feels is him trying to get at Eddie while Eddie needs support in a very real and practical way. So Richie’s trying to keep things--not professional, but at least consensual. Richie feels that, at this time, any move he made on Eddie would be coercion because Eddie is a little bit dependent on Richie for financial and physical help. And also Richie is deathly afraid of making the first move, finding out that Eddie’s gay but not into Richie specifically, and having to leave Eddie again. It would be better than Eddie dying, of course! But Richie would lose him again anyway.

So that’s the emotional place that Richie’s in right now. He’s absolutely holding back, only doing things that can be dismissed as “just helping a buddy out” or “just Richie being typical Richie” and kicking himself for enjoying them. He feels he cannot be honest about his feelings because it might make Eddie feel unsafe--which is exactly what causes him to change his mind about showing him the R+E in TTHAEL. And Eddie, who has already told Richie “I love you” and gotten a “soft no” in response, is a little bit wounded and also very afraid that he’ll drive Richie away by being honest with his feelings--and he doesn’t want Richie to go.

[gulescamisade]

Alaska: Day 10

[[ The small city of Tanana is about to be completely overcome by the oncoming storm. However, there is a faint connection for now and people will be able to use Terezi's comm to contact the outside world. ]]

REDGLARE: -She awakens with a SUDDEN START, flinching.-

REDGLARE: -She grasps at something in front of her that is not there anymore.-

KARKAT: =Looks at Redglare while holding the comm, watching her hands then gets up to get her water= Hey.... =Would they have looted meds from this town? He would've tried to she needs major pain killers he's sure=

[[ There's a soft rumble sounding somewhere amidst the winds. Sounds like a vehicle roaming around. ]]

REDGLARE: -She blinks... And sniffles. She wipes at her eye. Shit. Shit...-

HESONY: =He's been keeping watch all night and probably tried changing Redglare's bandages several times throughout their time hunkered in the forest if anyone had let him get close enough.=

HESONY: !

HESONY: =sits up from his sitting rock.

REDGLARE: -Reality hasn't quite set in yet, but she's not asleep, either.-

KARKAT: =He would've been staying awake too buddy. Either watching or opting to do it himself.= Here, drink something. =He's going to try and help her sit up and hold the bottle to her lips=

REDGLARE: -She takes only very small sips, managing a few words once she does.- Wh3r3 4r3 w3?

KARKAT: Some town, Tanana. Waiting. =Gives her as much water as she'll take then wanting to settle her back down.=

REDGLARE: Ssssom3... th3y'r3 st1ll—

REDGLARE: -Hisses as she settles back down.-

KARKAT: We're taking care of it. Don't worry. I don't plan on us falling behind.

[[ The rumbling seems to be weaving through the trees here, and soon enough they'll see a covered military truck. ]]

HESONY: =Just....steps in front of everyone, just in case.=

HESONY: =He's trying to see who the driver is=

KARKAT: =He'll rip a tree out of the ground, he doesn't give a fuck. =

HESONY: =nature did nothing to you, Little Angry Man=

KARKAT: =Everything did everything to him, eat a sock=

[[ The truck rumbles to a stop some twenty yards away, and then the door pops open. ]] 

MICEXA: -leans out- 👁️👁️

KARKAT: =....don't tempt him about the tree=

HESONY: =His entire body seems to sag and he ran up to her, hugging her tightly though she was still seated. Hi look I'm not dead and I wasn't killed some time in the night by these criminials.=

HESONY: We're running low on medicine, bandages, painkillers. =He held up his first aid kit, which was basically empty. Glancing back at the group behind them, he gave a thumbs up, forcing a smile.=

HESONY: Miss, some of them are in a real bad way.(edited)

KARKAT: =He doesn't want your smile. Unblinking deadpanned, tired staring= So should we start to load up or not?

MICEXA: I demanded some supplies. They were fairly amenable to it.

MICEXA: There's blankets, too. Furs. It should be warm.

MICEXA: I don't know if they'll last us the whole trip, but... it should get us over the border.

HESONY: =he held her head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.=

HESONY: It's good enough for now. You did phenomenal.

HESONY: =turning back towards the group, he waved them toward the truck. All aboard!=

[[ https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5mnMeHTsnFM/maxresdefault.jpg Except it's covered in the back. ]]

[[ Miss probably also had the option of taking the yellow car. ]]

MICEXA: -just leans into him, sighing out. It's sort of weird to feel this exposed in front of other people, but they're all pretty exposed here.-

REDGLARE: -yes. her thigh bone was exposed to u earlier, to be fair-minded

MICEXA: -THAT IS VERY FAIR-

HESONY: =Who knows, with the Expunger on their ass, they could be dead tomorrow. Might as well make life worth it.=

HESONY: =Opening the back of the truck, he pulled down the lever to swing out some small metal stairs. Spreading out some of the blankets so their booties weren't against cold metal, he made sure the blankets and supplies were easily accessible for them before hopping back out.=

HESONY: =Anyone need help getting up or getting in? He's on standby, glancing around every so often to make sure they weren't followed.=(edited)

REDGLARE: -She is probably being helped in. SOMEONE BETTER MAKE SURE NYALAH DOESNT DIE IN THE COLD-

HESONY: =yoinks Nyalah out of snow and gently dunks her in the truck. As he passes, he's taking the furs Micexa obtained and tucked them around each of them. He would normally drop the furs on the heads of those who would bite his hand off for trying, but because of their injuries, he handed it over to them instead.=(edited)

KARKAT: =He helps get people loaded up since nothing is wrong with his limbs. He has a whistle in his gills but other than, hopefully, healing correctly he was better off than the rest of them. Than most of them and he felt like shit for it. Gets them all tucked in and loaded up, huddling with Dave still to keep him warmer=

HESONY: =He’s sitting in the back with the rest in order to keep an eye on the crew and update Miss on their status. Leaning against the side of the driver’s seat, he had a good view outside the window from here and could crawl through to the front if he needed to. It was going to be a long drive to “Minnesota.”=

KARKAT: =Sits here until they get rolling then speaks just above the sound of the wheels on the road and the engine, not looking at Hesony=

KARKAT: She's told me things about the two of you. And we don't have a choice but to take your help.

KARKAT: I get what you did is a big deal, but I'm not thanking you. It's great you both decided to have a conscience but that doesn't make me want to kick your asses any less. =So that's that. There's that.=

MITUNA: -Promptly passes out-

KARKAT: =Lucky. He can't sleep.=

HESONY: =he gives Karkat a onceover and turns back to stare at this interesting crate= Consider the ass-kicking mutual. HESONY: We're not doing it for you.

KARKAT: No shit.

REDGLARE: -her, too, in fact. TOO FEW WINKS. It's obviously fitful, still, but it's hard to rouse her anyhow.-

KARKAT: =tries to keep RG as comfy as he can=

HESONY: Just so we are clear. =He grumbles, irritably.=

DAVE: -warm against karkat. at least they're heading out with transportation. it feels like luxury compared to the past week-

DAELOS: -He tries his best to nurse Nyalah back to health, propping her on his lap wrapped in a cocoon of fur, tilting her head up and tipping in canned soup and water. He gets nervous at how skittery her pulse is.-

DAELOS: ...

DAELOS: -Sighs and gently nuzzles her face as she sleeps. Or rather lays there in a powered down state as life drains out of her. He wishes there were more he could do than this.-(edited)

DAVE: -watches daelos because he's awake and has nothing better to do. he wishes he could help nyalah also-

DAELOS: You have survived so much

DAELOS: Partly out of spite

DAELOS: Mostly...out of spite

DAELOS: Surely this...

DAELOS: Is nothing to you

DAELOS: -Softly speaks to her.-

HESONY: =He feels...a little uncomfortable watching this. Like he shouldn't be a spectator to this blatantly pale action going on. Just kind of puts his face against a crate and pretends to sleep.=

NYALAH: -she's too weak to even drink the soups or water offered to her, too weak to be conscious to hear Daelos speak. Her breath remains shallow, soups dribbling down her chin pitifully.-

NYALAH: -as he nuzzles her face, her breathing slows until finally. It's quiet.-

DAELOS: -Pauses, his own heart beating loudly in his ears as he draws his face closer, bringing his ear to her chest, listening carefully. Without really realizing it, he's pleading with her.-

DAELOS: Just a little bit longer

DAELOS: We are almost there

NYALAH: -None answers.-

DAELOS: -He's growing ice cold despite all the new clothes they've been given. He can't believe it. He feels like he's choking. He's going to try to give her CPR.-

DAVE: -he knows. there are plenty of ways to know when someone dies. he can only hope daelos's resucitation works.-

HESONY: =gdi=

HESONY: =He reached through the window and patted Miss on the shoulder, signaling her to pull over. Even though it was imperative for them to keep moving, they both knew how this felt like.=

NYALAH: -Daelos's attempts are going nowehere. Her body was spent even before they made the trek out of the cave. She's gone.-

DAVE: -he's teary eyed as it starts to set in. she deserved better.-

DAELOS: -After he tries several times, HE starts crying. Not just a little teary eyed either, big fat gross tears rolling down his cheeks. He snarls LOUDLY, his voice full of pain and frustration. Frustration at this entire stupid situation.-(edited)

DAELOS: Someone help her

DAELOS: I am not a doctor I

DAELOS: Someone do something

DAELOS: -As nobody moves to help him, he starts to sob, which sounds a lot like a wounded buffalo, still holding her body in his arms.-

DAVE: -i'm sorry dude i can't ;(-

HESONY: =he knows no amount of cpr can reverse bloodloss=

DAELOS: -He's just going to hold her and cry on her. No one is getting her away from him anytime soon.-

DAELOS: -If anyone tries to take her away, it is very likely he will hurt them.-

HESONY: =but honestly, what good is holding onto a dead body for? It's not like you can bring her back to life.=

DAELOS: -Bitch you think-

HESONY: =that shit doesnt even exist! Youre just in denial!=

DAELOS: -Just keep your opinions to yourself and stay the heck away from him if you want your fingers unbroken.-

DAVE: -he's definitely not sleeping now. Or moving unless he absolutely has to-

HESONY: =His eyes catch Dave as he looks away from sad whinny-meow pile.=

HESONY: =Could that be a bit of remorse in his facial expression??=

DAVE: sucks huh

HESONY: (More than you think.)

DAVE: -sighs and winces at how it affects his chest- did you really think that we could get out of this without any casualties on our end

HESONY: (I would like to think that I am a positive person in general.)

HESONY: (So yes, I did.)

HESONY: (In the very beginning.)

DAVE: you know if it werent for some magic troll shit my friend has

DAVE: i would be dead

DAVE: outta here

DAVE: wasted away in a fuckin cave in my underwear

HESONY: (I don't imagine it would Have been fun.)

DAVE: oh no

DAVE: its a blast

DAVE: do you know anything about humans

HESONY: (No. Other than the fact your kind is rather squishy.)

HESONY: (And cannot even adapt to your own climate.)

DAVE: i grew up in the armpit of texas

HESONY: (What the fuck is Techsush?)

HESONY: (....Techsush isn't a person, is it?) =Raises a brow=

DAVE: -stares blankly at him.- no its a place way south thats way too fuckin big

HESONY: (If that's such a problem, why Haven't the smaller territories taken it over?)

DAVE: i dont know why would i even care about that right now

HESONY: (It's called cultural sensitivity. You were complaining of it's size.) =Folds his arms=

DAVE: oh my god DAVE: you are a piece of work

HESONY: =It's his turn to stare blankly=

DAVE: - exhales and looks away- im gonna look over here now bye

DAELOS: - The body has since been placed in his sylladex for safe keeping, but the fur she was wrapped in is still in his lap. He watches the terrain pass by wordlessly, only dimly aware that a long, cold night has become morning. His face is slack and his eyes hollow. -

HESONY: =it's not healthy to hang onto a dead body like that, man :/ =

ARANEA: -we can pretend she was responding to this properly as it was happening...-

ARANEA: -normally under circumstances like this, empathy doesn't come naturally to her, only painfully vicarious. but this was different. the sickness, the heartache watching these two has had her in tears countless times even after nyalah passed.-

ARANEA: -she knows it's selfish to want to reach across the space between her and daelos so she may take away the pain he's experiencing right now. she knows she's capable. but it'd be wrong to deny him his mourning, wouldn't it? she wipes away at the wetness pooling in her eyes again, unsure of what to turn her own attention towards.-

MITUNA: -Still fucking passed out. Maybe he's next. Except not really. His head is in Latula's lap-

HESONY: =Sparky, your arm almost looks like mine did: a limp noodle. The parallels happening are hilarious! Except they're not.=(edited)

MITUNA: -He needs major medical attention. This arm is setting incorrectly-

HESONY: =MMMOMYGOD=

MITUNA: -Redglare lost a fucking leg. We all need major medical attention-

HESONY: =HE'S AWARE. And also a little nervous.=

KARKAT: =Is he nervous because Karkat doesn't sleep and spends his waking moments staring at him when he can do so without lunging across the truck?=

DAVE: -down boy-

HESONY: =jfc.....=

HESONY: =....yes, that might be one reason. Just try it, fish stick!=

KARKAT: =No. But fine.=

KARKAT: =Don't tempt him.=

HESONY: =What are you going to do, boy? Sneeze on me?=

KARKAT: =More like eat your face=

HESONY: =if you can even get to my face=

KARKAT: =One word: Kneecaps.=

HESONY: =I'll hold you by the scruff at arm's length, I swear I will=

KARKAT: =Hope you like having no hands=

MICEXA: -CHILDREN I WILL TURN THIS FUCKTRUCK AROUND-

HESONY: =But Miiiiiiss! He's looking at me funny!=

DAVE: -is terezi's old communicator within reach-

[[ Anyone can borrow this! ]]

DAVE: -now that his concussion is no longer life threatening, he was actually able to sleep for probably a good hour drooling on karkat.-

KARKAT: =That's ok, he's fine with that=

DAVE: -opens eyes suddenly HES AWAKE-

HESONY: How're you Holding up, Squishy?

DAVE: -squints at hesony- who the fuck are you talking to

HESONY: To you, Squishy the Human.

DAVE: what a dumbass name

DAVE: what is this adventure time

DAVE: except a shitty version of adventure time where everyone sucks

HESONY: Is this you volunteering yourself as the mascot?

DAVE: a mascot

DAVE: what is this sportsball

HESONY: Yes. It is exactly sportsball.

HESONY: The Expunger is the player and we are the ball, trying to gtfo fast enough where we won't get our asses kicked into our throats.

DAVE: shes not the player shes the season ending injuries

HESONY: Career ending, you mean. =he scoffed, a hint of laughter at the sides of his lips=

HESONY: =then he swallowed hard, his expression closing.=