#he thinks he's different from the rest of his family in the compassion he shows for the staff but he's still cut from the same cloth

[kikuism]

been having a blast exploring the uglier aspects of kiku's personality enough with the soft uwu baby

[sage-nebula]

This has been spinning around in my head since I watched season 2 arc 1, and I can't refrain from putting it down to post anymore.

In season 1, Jayce and Viktor get into a fight when Viktor evades the blockade to go speak to Singed in Zaun. During their fight, Jayce snaps at Viktor that he didn't know that Viktor's friend was from the undercity, and when Viktor asks why that matters, Jayce says the above: [people from the undercity] are dangerous (earlier he had also said, "there are people down there who seem hell-bent on destroying us!"). That's when Viktor grows cold, reminding Jayce that he is from the undercity, and even after Jayce apologizes, Viktor knocks his hand away, choosing to stand up on his own.

In season 2, chembarons hired by Ambessa (though no one knows that at the time) attack the memorial for the dead council members. In the aftermath, Caitlyn calls them animals. Notably, Vi shows no reaction at all to this; she doesn't so much as flinch at Caitlyn's word choice. Instead, while she does downplay what happened to an extent ("they wanted the spectacle, they're trying to scare you"), what's notable is that she separates herself from the people of Zaun. This is especially notable when she tells Caitlyn to call off the invasion, because of the risk it poses for those not from Zaun:

"Down there, you'll be on their terms."

Viktor seems to have pride in the fact that he is from Zaun. He has love for his home. As difficult as life was there, as much as the pollution led to his illness and disability, he has no shame that he's from Zaun and he still sees value and has love for the people there. This is why, when Jayce writes the Zaunites off as "dangerous", Viktor grows cold. He is no different from them, in his mind; if they're dangerous, then so is he.

Vi is . . . different.

In season 1 arc 1, Vi expresses to Vander that she has bought into and believes that those in Piltover are more than those in Zaun:

Now, here, Vi is still grouping herself in with the rest of Zaun. But there is a level of self-hatred (and hatred for one's home) that we don't see in Viktor. Viktor doesn't see himself as lesser than those in Piltover. He doesn't see the Zaunites as lesser than those in Piltover. Vi, however, does. She states this as if it is a fact. And while she loved her family, and has parts of Zaun that she likes (e.g. Jericho's food), it's worth noting that at the end of season 1 episode 1, she isn't telling Powder that they'll liberate Zaun, or fight for Zaun, or anything like that. Instead?

"This city's gonna respect us." This city. Not our city. Here is the first moment we see in which Vi puts some separation between herself and the rest of Zaun. She wants to make them respect her (and Powder). Even if she's less than those in Piltover, she still sees an opportunity for herself to be above those in Zaun.

All of this is to say that, when she has no reaction to Caitlyn calling Zaunites "animals", when she refers to them as "they," when she refers to Zaun as "their terms" . . . ultimately, it isn't too surprising. Vi represents a type of person who does exist in marginalized groups: the self-hating type, who hate others in their group for "drawing aggression" or "negative attention."

Think about queer people, for instance, who hate those who are flamboyant or open about who they are and who they love. The ones who think, "If we just assimilate more, be less of a bother, be less obnoxious, then the queerphobes will accept us." Obviously, other queer people find this type of person extremely frustrating, sometimes even infuriating, because we know that it doesn't matter what we do or how we act; bigots will never accept us.

But what we should understand, and extend compassion for, is that self-hating marginalized people are that way because it's a defense mechanism -- a survival mechanism, really. They can't square why bigots hate them, so they reach for any kind of explanation they can find, even if that explanation ultimately blames others in their own group and does more harm than good. Not to mention that hating yourself for who you are is often a result of long-term, systemic abuse -- the exact same kind of abuse that comes from living under an oppressive regime that murdered your parents and will assault you at any given opportunity, even for something as petty as your little sister miming shooting them with finger guns.

Vi says that she, "grew up knowing [she] was less than them." This is extraordinarily damaging to the psyche, and Vi's self-hatred -- and the extension of that hatred toward Zaun, not wanting to save them but wanting to make them respect her -- is a trauma response to that. One that Viktor, obviously, doesn't share (and neither does Ekko, or Jinx) -- but everyone reacts to trauma differently.

The point is, we saw shades of this already in Vi's childhood; her statement that she's less than topsiders, but that she wants those in the undercity to respect her. So when Caitlyn calls the Zaunites animals, Vi doesn't flinch. She agrees. And she speaks of them as separate from her, because Caitlyn has already designated her as one of the good ones (reinforced to her by what Maddie told her Caitlyn said right before the memorial), and because, well, those who attacked the memorial did do something horrible. And maybe if they wouldn't do that, and maybe if Jinx hadn't blown up the council building -- maybe if they were better behaved -- then the enforcers wouldn't have to invade and do what they were about to do, now would they? Those in Zaun -- or at least those in Zaun who decided to strike against Piltover -- brought it on themselves, so Vi isn't with them. She's with Caitlyn, and is okay with referring to them as animals.

It's interesting to think about.

[lowkeyrobin]

UMBRELLA! BEN ; a million timelines

summary ; you'll always end up with one certain face in every universe and timeline

warnings ; language

disclaimers ; ben isn't dead, umbrella! ben in fact bc I love that dork sm, viktor is already transitioned the whole way through, random word vomit

track ; not a lot, just forever, adrianne lenker

word count ; 1.1k

masterlist

It seemed in every timeline, you'd be semy straight back to Ben's side.

You were intertwined, sewn together, in fact.

In 2019, you were reunited with him after Sir Reginald Hargreeves' death. You hadn't seen each other since you were kids, it'd been years.

You didn't have any special powers like the Hargreeves' did, you were just their normal friend who lived next door above the laundromat. You came back to town for other reasons, but when you heard the news, you had to go see them.

Your eyes first landed on Viktor, his short hair completely different from his old, long, luscious locks. You immediately smiled, wrapping him in a solemn hug, congratulating him yet showing remorse and compassion over his dad's timely demise.

You went through the rest of the siblings, other than Five, as he'd gone missing all those years ago.

Then up came Ben.

You could feel the soft look on his face as he looked at you, finally being reunited after all this time. He was by far your favorite of the academy, holding a special spot in your heart.

It wasn't just that his cool tentacle shit that drew you to him. He was a total dork, and you adored it. He always found a way to make you smile, he noticed the smallest of things, he was so sweet and compassionate. He could light up a room like a flashlight in the dark.

He wrapped you in a hug, spinning you around in joy.

"Oh my God, Y/n!"

"Ben!"

Your smiles were unmatched, the other siblings watching with little smiles, nostalgia crashing against their mental shores. They loved you too, but they also loved seeing their two favorite people together again.

"God, why are you here?"

"Came back for some stuff, but also for you guys. Sorry about your dad"

"It was coming-"

"He was murdered"

"Luther!"

You softly chuckle, hiding your face in his shoulder, enjoying the sweet dopamine rush infecting your brain.

You were stuck to Ben by the hip, almost literally, as you landed on cold, wet concrete on April 28th, 1960. You share a panicked look, calling for any of the other Hargreeves' before eventually giving in to failure.

At least you still had each other.

You spent the next three years thinking the others were dead and that you were permanently trapped in the sixties. You worked in a bar, and he worked right beside you. You both didn't understand that without degrees, you were hired, but it was much better than nothing.

Then you were reunited with Klaus, then Five, then the others.

But of course, some weird fuck up in the space time continuum forced the world to attempt to kill itself, again.

And once again, you stood behind Ben as he unleashed the tentacles from his internal organs to protect you and his family.

Good God, what did you do to get wrapped up in all this?

That lead you all astray again back in 2019, thankfully, but some other superpowered people had taken the Umbrella Academy's place. The Sparrow Academy.

But once again, you were right by Ben's side.

You were at his side during the first Kugelblitz, travelling with Five and Klaus to meet Klaus' already deceased mom, and at the end-of-the-world wedding between Luther and Sloane.

You now sit at the bar at the Hotel Obisidian, sipping on mocktails as you watch Luther and Sloane break it down on the dance floor. A tune calls your name, screaming for you and Ben to jump out there.

Just Like Heaven by The Cure.

"Oh my God, we loved The Cure when we were little!" You giggle, only a buzz directing the slight slur in your words.

Ben smiles, "We did"

"Come on" You quickly set your glass down on the counter, looking over at Ben, who hasn't moved, giving you a raised eyebrow. "C'mon, Ben"

He looks over at Five who rolls his eyes, sipping on some sort of champagne. Ben gives into your pleads, setting his glass down to go with you.

You join Luther and Sloane, and Klaus and Viktor, on the dance floor, allowing the song to consume you inside out. You jump about, singing along to the lyrics as you hold each other's hands.

Colorful lights splash upon your faces, blinding you for milliseconds as they pass you by.

Five, now accompanied by Diego and Lila, watches you two from afar. He lightly smiles, enjoying the smiles on your faces as you await to be disintegrated into dust as the world crumbles around you.

"Even in every jump across the space time continuum and in every alternate timeline that will somehow find a way to end, they're always at the end together" Five observes, glancing over at the couple, elbows rested against the bar behind him.

Lila gives him a cringed look, not understanding a word of the gibberish he'd just spoken. Diego sighs and shakes his head, taking a bite out of a bologna sandwich he made for himself.

"It's cute," Five clarifies.

"Why don't you get out there?" Diego asks Five, "The world is about to end. Enjoy it, Ebenezer Scrooge McDuck"

Five chuckles. "Yeah, let me go enjoy the world fading into dust at every touch." He sets his glass down on the bar, deciding to go join the enthusiastic group of mentally dead Hargreeves' plus you.

You and Ben, even as the song switches, continue to dance together, creating a little circle with Klaus and Viktor so Sloane and Luther could have their little alone time. Eventually, the whole family is on the dance floor, enjoying their final hours on Earth.

After a while, you crash on the floor beneath the couch, mindlessly listening to Luther, Five, Diego, Klaus, and Viktor drunkenly sing along to Seal's Kiss From A Rose. Allison, Sloane, and Lila enjoy the show, singing along from the couch.

Five, noticing you two were slumped over, half dead, calls out to you. "Hey, lovebirds! Get up here!"

You and Ben immediately look down toward each other, your feet touching one another's, giggling like little kids as you realize what Five had called you. You crawl up to your hands and knees, then rise to your feet, joining the brothers up on the little karaoke stage.

"Now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey!"

It was true, in the end of each timeline, in each version of the world ending, you and Ben would end up side by side. Nothing, not even theories and paradoxes, and jumps across the fabric of the universe could separate you.

[burst-of-iridescent]

The Choice of Compassion: A Scene Analysis of Aang vs Zuko

should aang have killed ozai?

the age old question. the discourse secondary only to the infamous kat.aang vs zutara ship war. the argument that's been raging for sixteen long, long years and inspired dozens upon dozens of thinkpieces on either side.

so naturally, i'm here to add one more that no one asked for.

now, this debate keeps getting mischaracterized as The Side That Respects Pacifism vs The Side That Wants A Preteen To Commit Brutal Murder when, for the most part, i don't think anyone is really staking their life on the homicide hill. the real issue most people take with aang's arc in the finale isn't him sparing ozai, but rather the deus ex-machina mechanism through which he's able to do so. i agree with that, but i would also take it further to argue that the real problem is that aang's ending is not thematically and narratively consistent with the rest of his arc as set up in the show.

to illustrate this, let's take a look at another scene that plays with similar themes: zuko choosing to save zhao in the siege of the north.

the basics of both scenes are the same: both boys choose, against all logic and common sense, to spare someone who would never show them the same mercy. when it comes down to compassion versus violence, they choose compassion, even at risk to themselves.

but where the siege of the north differs from sozin's comet is that zuko choosing to save zhao is thematically consistent with his arc in season 1, and aligns with where it will go in seasons 2 and 3.

zuko's journey throughout the show is one of rediscovery. he has to find his way back to who he used to be, before his family and his nation warped his perception of right and wrong, and forced him into believing he had to become someone he didn't want to be. it's clear as early as the storm episode that zuko is fundamentally kind, and the person he is now is as a result of being indoctrinated in a culture that perverted violence and cruelty into honour and strength.

in trying to save zhao, the personification of the fire nation's worst qualities and most twisted teachings, zuko turns against the values he's been raised with most of his life and instead chooses to remain true to himself and what he believes is right. it's a triumphant moment because it's zuko returning to the heart of who he is, and who he's truly supposed to be.

and even though his decision may be logically unsound (why risk yourself trying to save someone who tried to kill you?) you don't see anyone complaining that zuko shouldn't have tried at all, because his choice here is a direct - even if brief - resolution to the internal conflict the show has previously established for his character. the narrative consistency of the set-up and payoff allows the audience to recognize the thematic cohesion of this moment in zuko's arc - which is what makes it so powerful and satisfying.

so, the question is: does the same apply to aang's choice not to kill ozai?

the argument supporting aang's decision is usually something as follows: "aang sparing ozai is his way of remaining true to his people and making sure they aren't forgotten. it's a powerful symbol of how he's keeping their culture and beliefs alive even though the fire nation tried to wipe them out."

now that's not a bad argument, in theory. the problem, though, is that if this is the resolution of aang's arc, it has to be a direct response to a conflict established in said arc... and remaining true to air nomad values is not a struggle the show ever set up for aang until the finale.

not once in any of the previous seasons does aang seem to be forgetting his people's ideals, or losing his identity through assimilation, or struggling to reconcile his air nomad beliefs with the ideas he's encountering in this new, changed world. there isn't a long-term, sustained arc about him being worried or concerned about air nomad culture dying out completely, or about taking on the burden of keeping it alive. in fact, the only episode that does reckon with this theme in any capacity - the northern air temple - seems to push the opposite message: that aang should move on and adapt to this changing world instead of remaining mired in the past, and protecting the culture of a people long gone.

(note: i don't like how the NAT episode handled this theme, but for the purposes of this post, we will take it as it was written.)

both zuko and aang are characters whose arcs revolve around change, but if zuko's arc is about moving back to who he truly is, then aang's arc is about moving forward. it's about going from the last airbender to the avatar - about drawing wisdom from different places, about immersing himself in the practices, beliefs and cultures of the other nations, and learning to value them as he values his own.

it's the classic want vs need: what aang wants is to be nothing more than a goofy, peaceful airbender but what he needs is to become a fully-realized avatar, the embodiment of four nations in one. and this conflict is established and re-established repeatedly over three seasons, most especially in his struggle to learn earthbending and firebending, both of which called for him to adopt new perspectives and beliefs contrary to his own.

this is why aang refusing to kill ozai feels so narratively unfulfilling, because it's the complete antithesis of what the show established for aang's narrative over three seasons. the plot point of his absolute pacifism not only comes out of left field (where was this problem when he was going to battle ozai during the eclipse?), it's also incongruous with the depiction of other air nomads in the series (both yangchen and gyatso don't seem to practice absolute pacifism) and with where aang's own arc appeared to be leading.

additionally, it also conflicts with the thematic clash that the aang vs ozai fight is supposed to represent: what was meant to be balance and harmony vs dominance and supremacy now turns into... air nomad beliefs vs fire nation beliefs, which runs contrary to the fundamental message of the entire show. not exactly what you want for the final battle between your protagonist and antagonist!

all of this is not to say that aang should have gone turbo avatar state on ozai and singlehandedly yeeted him into the spirit world. but there were a dozen other ways to handle ozai's end: give him a disney death, let aang learn energybending of his own accord and incapacitate him the way katara took down azula, or - my personal favourite - bring in the spirits in a neat parallel to the book 1 finale, and have ozai's death be a consequence of the imbalance he propagated in the world (i've always felt the avatar being the spirit bridge was a plotline that kinda got shafted in book three, and bringing back someone like koh, for instance, would've slapped).

the point is that for the resolution of aang's arc to be thematically consistent with the established narrative (the validity of this narrative, and whether it should have been different, is another point entirely, but it cannot be denied that this is what the show chose to go with), he needed to place the values and beliefs of the other nations on equal footing with his own, and win because of this willingness to draw from all nations instead of relying solely on his own.

ultimately, remaining true to his compassionate, peaceful nature is not a struggle in aang's narrative the way that it is in zuko's, which is why him choosing to spare ozai doesn't have anywhere near the emotional resonance or satisfaction of zuko reaching out to zhao. meanwhile, the conflict that does characterize aang's arc - being forced to become the avatar - never comes to a meaningful resolution the way that zuko's does. rather, it's thrown out the window in favour of a last minute plot point that robs aang of both agency and development, and destroys the thematic cohesion of his narrative for nothing.

[zeevoidlight]

what's the deal with these two...

Seriously. Why is the suspicion and joking of their bromance even a thing that exists (outside of just shipping for shipping's sake and ppl making every male friendship a secretly frustrated gay relationship). Is it even a thing?

Do I ship Goku and Vegeta?... yes.. yes I do, I confess myself as part of the problem. But I feel is fair that in a show like Dragon Ball where there's sexually mature references and themes at times I can give myself the freedom to wonder. So i'mmana talk about two pivotal moments that marked a before and after for both of them together as a team: their Majin saga match and the fusion.

//////

As far as the show goes, there's not really much to go off of. They clearly both have their wives whom they both love very much, children, they love to battle and test themselves, they are bros (now at least), rivals for life, they better each other by challenging one another to get better.

On the other hand my autism tells me that that's not the whole story. Because I normally don't like to take things at face value when i can see more.

Is interesting to see how both, Goku's compassion and respect for Vegeta, and Vegeta's (albeit unhealthy) obsession over Goku, the fact that they were also the last of their kind and the only ones that could compete with each other to fight between themselves and against others (discounting Gohan since he always slacked on his training and wasn't really interested on fighting), the only ones that could understand how the other felt as being pure blooded, that Goku had a living example in Vegeta of his true origins to learn more about himself (like a walking Saiyan enciclopedia), that Vegeta had in Goku a new purpose in life (until he realized what he had with his family as well), all of that with time combined to create a dynamic where they both felt comfortable with each other, it made them be naturally closer than the rest of the cast (even if it was in rivalry terms). They famously became companions, with time forming friendship/friendly rivalry and some could even see them now being akin to brothers. Something that as much as Krilin was Goku's life long friend and will be forever he could never really fulfill all that Vegeta came to develop with Goku. And in a way I don't think anyone can either.

But there's also an important note to make about this relationship/friendship. Vegeta is the one that gives it more meaning than Goku does (at first). I feel like Goku is simply being his loving caring happy free self, while Vegeta takes it personal and takes so much weight on what Goku says and does and how it affects him (like Goku is just vibing while Vegeta is oozing jealousy towards Goku). As he later puts in words in Super (Granola arc i think), Goku is an egotist while he himself is an egocentric. And that difference is important to get to the point because from now on for a while the question is "Why does Vegeta".

Why does Vegeta put so much weight in their fight in the Majin Saga that he's willing to kill innocent people again just to have a match with Goku (going with the latin dub again since is more accurate to the original japanese one). And it isn't just about his ego, is about what he doesn't say as well.

Why is Vegeta the only character that is so against fusion, with Goku specifically because he has only fused with him and we don't know how would he react to fusing with someone else if it's needed.

Why is Vegeta so averse to touching Goku. At least after their fight and after him dying in the Majin Saga and once he is allowed to go back to Earth.

Why on the brink of the universe destruction was Vegeta acting like a cheated on girlfriend when he discovered that Goku had a new transformation and didn't told him about it (I would be mad at him too to be fair but i also understand why Goku wouldn't want to do so and he did it to not hurt Vegeta's feelings and have a good time under fair conditions. he gets half a point for the sentiment).

The Majin Saga

From all the examples people like to pull up when trying to argument sexual tension between these two there's only a few that I feel have some significance. And I can tell you when did it cooked enough to be a possibility. And that is right when Goku announced he was going to go back to Earth for one day and one day only, presumably forever. That's where something started, but it was brewing since Goku died to Cell and Vegeta lost Goku, his purpose, his obsession, his will to fight, and entered a depressive episode that lasted 2 years (aprox, since Bulma tells Chichi that Vegeta had been training for the last 5 years in the 7 year time skip). He honestly was a mess of a person right around that time. He couldn't even call himself a warrior under his own standards, he was trying to cope with the fact that he messed up with future Trunks and would have to change with his own present Trunks, he got stuck not being able to prove himself, etc.

Once he knew Goku was coming back he just had to do anything in his power to fight against him again, no matter what it took (he looks so excited too, that's cute). His entire meaning as the person he perceived he was and his meaning as a warrior and Goku's foil depended on it. He actually was in good terms with Goku up to here though (while in the Cell saga he was pretty much amicably antagonizing Goku for the most part, and the other spent feeling jealous). Agreeing to the tournament rules, being patient, enjoying meals together, bragging about his kid. But after realizing that they might not have their match because of Supreme Kio's pink menace, nothing else mattered, not Bulma, not Trunks, not the Earth or the universe or everything he had been building for so many years without Goku. Goku was the single catalyst for his relapse. Like... how is it possible that fighting with him and proving his worth is more important that it's been a rock in his boots for years now. But ok, he's a warrior so I can understand why, also because he was going through a Major (with capital M) identity crisis where he's trying to negate his newfound value in his family and new home while thinking that is what was making him weak, though he never really believed that since he knew Goku never needed to be cruel to surpass him, it was just a jolt reaction to not knowing how to handle it, and Goku could see through that very clearly by asking him if he really believed that bs about feeling good by being cruel and being a slave of his own mind.

But the thing is that during their fight it is clear that more than winning (which he would have enjoy to no end if they finished their fight and Goku didn't had a new plot convenient powerup hiding under his eyebrows again, though that wouldn't have helped him to grow), both were very much enjoying the act of fighting (since Goku said he wanted to end the fight soon so Buu doesn't get the energy but he didn't because he could have used Ssj3 and end it quite fast), Vegeta fighting against his previous rival now a bit more than that, Kakarot. Battling with him in perfect synchrony in an equal fight because what Vegeta actually wanted with the Majin Magic was to close the powergap and convince himself he had an excuse to not feel remorse because of the magic. And i say that because before Goku dying to Cell he really saw him as competition, but after he lost him i feel that alongside his remorse and embarrassment for the disaster that was that saga, in part because of his gigantic ego, he must have felt alone, now truly being the last pure blooded Saiyan alive and not in condition to call himself a warrior anymore under his own standards. And although he had Gohan, which he respected a lot because of his courage and his immense power, it was not the same since Gohan is a pacifist and didn't had the same passion for fighting like a pure blooded Saiyan so he wasn't even training. So by the time of the Majin Saga and once Goku came into the picture again I think he subconsciously regarded him differently and he ends up realizing it during their fight (although he doesn't vocalize it).

During their fight there's a specific moment. After Goku throws Vegeta to a cliff-side and he makes a hole in it to liberate himself with his ki, Goku comes to him and they both get very close just floating in the air and powering up, looking at each other. Vegeta is beyond pissed, Goku taking the fight very seriously. Then Goku smiles to Vegeta challenging him and showing he's enjoying their fight, and Vegeta relaxes for a moment changing his attitude and showing a smile back to him in empathy, sharing to him that he is enjoying it too and wants to challenge him back as well.

This whole fight is Goku's way to show Vegeta how much he actually cares about him and his well being despite what Vegeta might have believed up until then, how much he respects him as a warrior and an equal too, even risking Earth and Majin Buu's return. He did the unthinkable and menaced Kaio Shin with death if he dared to stop their fight, which Vegeta sure noticed and even reacted with complete disbelief. As Supreme Kaiosama says to Gohan and the others in the wasteland: "we cannot do anything about it. Fight until you can calm your hearts", because even Kaio Shin knew that they weren't going to actually kill themselves, they just had to talk (while fighting).

I know a lot of people joke about Vegeta being a repressed homosexual (or technically bisexual because y'know there's Bulma) because of his legendary obsession with Goku, and i'm not saying he is, but this fight is charged with sexual tension, mostly on his part, among other things of course. And is interesting that Vegeta, ever since the Namek experience (which was the first time in his life he was emotionally vulnerable to the point of breaking entirely), is the most emotionally fragile of the bunch and an unstable character. He feels everything very intensely like an open wound, and reacts in the same way while trying to hide under a curtain of pride, ego and his title of Prince (I mean, he's the one that actually openly cries the most out of frustration after Namek, just for starters).

Goku knew what he was getting into by agreeing to fight with Vegeta. He wasn't going to just let them set the score, he was going to give Vegeta the most intense therapy session ever by letting him discharge all that literal energy and anger, guiding him through his thoughts, playing by Vegeta's rules. Help him overcome whatever he had been brewing in his mind since they day they met thinking on where was the moment everything went wrong for years, so he could move forward...

And then... this happens...

... I don't think anyone expected something like this to even be a thing that he could do as a power that we will only see one time ever in the entirety of the show from him and is in here, lol. And not long ago I watched a semi abridged semi analysis commentary video on the fight and yeah, we coincide that there was something else going on here at the same time. Vegeta got a little too excited... He got rock hard by too much adrenaline (or testosterone, endorphins... i know science ok?), lol. And I didn't mentioned it but being that Saiyans were a warrior culture there exists some real life relation of warrior societies (like greeks, romans, spartans, norse, some aztec societies) and homoerotic practices as part of that philosophy and way of life. Fighting is everything and everything revolves around fighting. And finding a brother in arms could develop into something else (call it love or getting physical or whatever) out of admiration, or from hyper-masculinity with the purpose of dominating the other and demonstrating power by physically making every other man your peach and the others are like "wow, a man dominating a man? that's so mainly". And i'm not saying that that was part of Saiyan culture, just that there might be some similarities with what we're seeing.

There's a fine line between pain and pleasure, hate and love, fear and excitement, rivalry and attraction. And in moments of intensity where both opposite feelings collide can produce an equally intense and confusing response. We know for sure Saiyans by nature often confuse fear an excitement, and rivalry with attraction at least, like Goku when he confesses his motives and feelings on his first fight with Vegeta when he spares him. And here Vegeta is going through a rollercoaster of emotions, and given that he is the most emotionally charged character it can go all places.

So, Vegeta tells Goku if he pretends to defeat him quickly as he said, Goku responds that he's trying to do that, and Vegeta asks if he thinks he can do it *slap slap* (the disrespect). He's trying to provoke him but the way he does it is kinda similar to what you'd do in a sexual encounter since he's not really hurting him too badly (which is really funny). And I'm pretty sure he wasn't thinking about anything sexual, just pure anger towards our buddy Kakarot, that doesn't change the fact that he did just lost his marbles to blind rage and wasn't thinking at all, just feeling intensely and acting freely on it. "Listen... don't you think this is enough humiliation I got from your part *hit hit punch hit*. This attacks are not enough to set the score. How is it possible that a Prince of Saiyans, that possesses such a great pride, was humiliated by a warrior like you (In the English version there's a series of flashbacks with dialogue but that's not a thing in the japanese and latin version so he continues...). What saddens me the most is that you saved my life, worm (he's referring to way back in the saiyan saga when they first met since for a warrior is way worse offense to get their death in battle denied since he now has to suffer all what he's been through for the simple fact of having been spared=being an embarrassment). You deserve to die! I'll break you to pieces right now! I'll start with the arm...".

((You got this guy having Goku in all tied up to a rock, legs spread out, slapping Goku in the face, talking about "not being enough humiliation", and saying "this attacks are not enough", all emotionally charged and intense with his obsession of a rival, high in endorphins and adrenaline, from a warrior culture, that even back in the day I was like OH MY GOOOOD!? What is he going to DO?!!... He wouldn't do it, would he?... The Buu saga was a return to form to OG DB's general feeling and tone, and if it was OG DB this scene would be absolutely interpreted as having that kind of hidden meaning even if nothing would have actually end up happening, though is still a very bold move in terms of sexual themes, just like that scene in OG DB with Bulma and the two RR soldiers. I was sweating cold, that when I heard him say "I'll break you to pieces right now! I'll start with the arm" I was like OH THANK GOODNESS he's just going to mutilate him... NO, WAIT...)) (also, notice that Vegeta is technically fighting a ghost because Goku is already dead).

Unfortunately for Goku though Vegeta didn't share the safe word and he had to free himself so he wasn't actually dismembered by the intensity of Prince Vegeta and they continued their fight, once again Goku leveling the field into a in a less emotionally charged more equal fight all things considered (while also mutually complimenting their fighting prowess). They talk again and Vegeta admits to him that he understands that he's never going to surpass him because Goku is more skilled at fighting, now getting into the real meat of the matter with him and his frustrations.

We get to Vegeta almost breaking in tears again, torn by the realization of his situation confessing all about how he wants to be who he was as a warrior and how he cannot cope with his new life on Earth having all this new feelings for his family and being passive that make him feel like he is not himself. That he wants to be ruthless like before because what the hell is even being anything else, that's a thing of weaklings. Which tells a lot about how he still doesn't know how to function outside of conflict and his deeply rooted self image since childhood. I mean... this kid (Vegeta) doesn't know anything other than living in conflict, constant stress, anger, and feeling in danger all the time before and during Frieza. He was around 31 years old when he could finally be free. And to me it says that it almost feels to him like he's afraid of disappearing as an individual if he cannot go back to being something he recognizes and is familiar with as he doesn't recognize himself being something else underneath of what he's saying. A who that is completely opposite to what he has ever known. Is something some people that had lived through a deeply traumatic upbringing experience. On top of it being a Saiyan it must have been really confusing and difficult because their nature and culture is nothing like that of earthlings, Saiyan's are naturally built to fight, but Goku is the only one that could probably understand that in some capacity as pure blooded Saiyan that managed to adapt to Earth. That's why he is the only person Vegeta can trust with this information, and because Vegeta genuinely trusts him. With no one else he has this level of openness, probably not even with Bulma.

And i love how Goku doesn't give up on him though after everything and he is still willing to listen and help. Without his help here Vegeta wouldn't have confronted and put into words his reality to later internalize it and fully embrace his love for his family, fully embrace his feelings, giving Trunks later his first hug. That was all Goku's doing.

Of course things happened since they were still in the middle of total annihilation at the hands of the strongest pink ball of bubblegum. and from this fight and his explosive sacrifice/ acceptance of his destiny, going forward Vegeta actually starts acting a little different. A lot more relaxed with Kakarot, more open and sincere, more focused on helping than competing, more agreeable (without betraying his character though) and no longer ignoring or being embarrassed of his feelings for his loved ones (like we see when he gets convinced by Goku to do the fusion using Vegeta's love for Bulma). And I'm pretty sure he felt grateful and in debt to him. Not only for his help with unjumbling his feelings during that fight but for everything he's done for him since the day Goku spared his life way back in the day (as we see him asking to Piccolo if he'll get to see Goku in the afterlife just before he sacrifices). A real true honest best friend/rival for life (like we see evident in the movie Fusion Reborn, which is supposed to happen after his sacrifice in an alternate timeline where both Goku and Vegeta die and Gohan is the one that defeats Buu).

Though he still was being a bit stubborn about wanting to fight Buu himself in the anime, but in the manga he just doesn't charge head first into trying to battle him, he just doesn't like the idea of fussing with Kakarot.

Then the fusion thing...

The thing about the fusion is that Vegeta usually never wants to do it because he's embarrassed by the dance (which yeah... that's absolutely fair) but this is not the metamoran one, is the Potara, and they don't need to dance. His usual complains then change to "I just don't like to be fused with him" or "I don't like the idea of uniting bodies with him" when they have to do it later (either in canon or movie, though the "I don't like to use shortcuts to fight" frequently comes as a reason but is always after they already did the fusion). And I don't know how doing a fusion with someone would feel like but the Potara at least has two ways it can go. For the Kaios just one person becomes the main, getting some physical characteristics and power of the other, and the other becomes dormant, just one person gets to be conscious. But for mortals, both actually remain conscious and they both "live" inside the body of each other as one new combined persona who is a combined identity, mixing mentally and physically, sharing memories, thoughts, feelings, everything in unison either the other wants it or not because when they are fused they are cooperating in a single brain so they think the same under this persona even if later they have separate thoughts on the same thing when they un-fuse. One example of how the logic of it is is in the Super Super Hero movie, where right after the battle with Cell Max Gotenks makes a comment to Bulma and she says "that was Trunks, wasn't it?!", and Gotenks panics and they separate, implying that even if it's a combined identity they still are conscious inside separately and can "influence" their thoughts to act more like so or so, like there's a dominant consciousness guiding the other at times. The fusion is even better actually if they are rivals because they get the rival boost. So is not too crazy to think that some would consider it a very intimate act, even more because is permanent (until the retcon), which Goku is so considerate to tell Vegeta at the very last minute and he's like "WTF!" and Goku is just down with it while Vegeta is regretting ever meeting this guy but does it anyways.

And we have seen other characters combine but they don't think much about it, Trunks and Goten specifically just find it fun because they are best friends and just think about having the time of their lives beating up the bad guys. But I think Vegeta specifically does feel like it's something too personal and intimate that requires a lot his will power to do. His concept of it is different for a lot of reasons that all derive from being a very reserved person in general in many aspects, so he is trusting his entire being and accepting opening to Goku here, and to a degree loose control of himself in an give-and-take act, because he is not silly like Goku but under the fusion he is going to be and act silly alongside him because there's no me and you under it, even switch his brain into feeling it's natural. Same with Goku and being more cruel and mock their opponent more even if he usually would feel is something he wouldn't do.

Ultimately and reluctantly Vegeta agrees for the sake of his loved ones and saving his new home, which is wild to me because he does sacrifices everything he is with the fusion being permanent since just a few hours ago he was just accepting himself as an individual. The pressure was really high.

Goku certainly didn't thought much about it though, just another way to become even stronger by cooperating with someone in a new way for the purpose of saving Earth, and simply not loose the battle for the sake of not loosing itself. He considered his options with others purely strategically without thinking what it could mean outside of that for him as an individual in that moment, because he did understood that if he fused with Gohan for example he thought for a moment if that would mean he would have to go to Gohan's school after they win, but in that moment he was definitely panicking for options just to win the battle and then later he could think about the consequences, as always (he was seriously considering fusing with Mr Satan permanently at the lack of strategic options! How desperate and out of your mind can you get!).

Out of all people it was better if it's Vegeta when he detected his ki of course, because the power boost is much greater to save the Earth and he considers him different at this point, someone he likes better as a selfless guy after his valiant sacrifice. He's so excited when Vegeta accepts because it means so much, it's the demonstration to Goku of his turn to an actual good guy, fighting for others and not just himself, and he's so proud. And the result of the fusion is this very playful, sassy confident and cocky warrior that we all know and love because is the best thing ever and I don't have Vegetto favoritism.

But something did changed in both of them after the fusion. I know is an anime only thing for better pacing (at least until Super came and made it a thing again in small ways of its own), but after the fusion thing Goku started to unnecessarily get into Vegeta's personal space more (I mean, I don't think there's anything more intimate than fussing and you'd have to get a level of trust and understanding with that other person like with no one else ever afterwards regardless). Like, I like that when they do the cheek to cheek attack, which again was completely unnecessary, Vegeta feels dirty about it, even muttering to himself "He's an opportunist...(as in like, Goku was sexuality taking advantage of him) I would have preferred the fusion" and Goku asks him is he's finished blasting Buu bits and Vegeta recoils and yells "Don't get close to me!". (In the manga there's not really that much fuss about it when they separate, they just get to work and directly from separating to Buu's brain).

The fusion represents the pinnacle of their growth together as fighting partners (and partners in general). Probably even more than that at this point for how much they share as rivals and how much they understand about each other above any other person, including their own wives in some regards for all they have gone through on things only they can share between themselves like their love for battle.

And if they both were friendly before while still keeping their cards up, now is when they start to act more like brothers and cooperating. Goku with his power and techniques and Vegeta with his strategic planing at the end of the Buu saga. Goku even becomes more playful with Vegeta, even sharing funny moments together. And as pointed out, I believe the fusion made them know the thinking, memories and intentions of the other to a degree.

This is the turning point for Goku as well regarding accepting his heritage as Saiyan. Because from then on he also accepts the values of the Saiyans as warriors (when before he would be more likely against it) and accepts feeling pleasure in having a good fair honorable fight without aid and relying only in his strength and talent just for the thrill he gets of it (much like what he felt as a child/teen), which he demonstrates by breaking the second pair of Potara earrings while Vegeta responds by telling him that he's so proud of him for going into the fight the Saiyan way. Also from then on others start to recognize Goku fully as a Saiyan (so much is the influence Vegeta has had on him that in the Super Broly movie Goku introduces himself to Broly, a fellow Saiyan, as Kakarot first over Goku).

Now, about Vegeta with the fusion, if he wasn't too sure about the fusion first, now every time the fusion is required he almost feels violated by the suggestion (which right before the kid Buu fight he actually didn't mind fusing again and kinda wanted it in the anime while this wasn't in the manga but ok). And of course, if he didn't had much thoughts on getting close and personal with Goku when battling because it meant nothing (like the arm riding in the Saiyan saga and their almost gory bondage session prior), now he recoils from him in certain situations (it... also didn't help that the first time they fuse they went dick first...).

Also also, there's a moment in the manga when Goku is fighting kid Buu in Ssj3 where Vegeta tells Goku that he guessed Goku was fighting overtime because he never intended for Vegeta to have his turn (because if he dies he dies for real), and Goku says that is not that, that he is just looking for an opportunity to reunite his power for at least a minute, and Vegeta gets all tsundere, blushes and says "So... So you weren't doing it to protect me?!..." (lol, well, here's the latin translation but you get the idea)

And onto Super, they made this thing about Goku asking Vegeta to grab his hand in order to instant transmission but Goku knows very well that's not necessary, he could have said to Vegeta to grab his shoulder like others do but he wants him to grab his hand, and Vegeta gets all flustered and nervous every time as if people are going to make fun of him for being gay or something (since we are told by the Pilaf gang that holding hands is very romantic and a sign of being a couple, and something to be embarrassed about, although from a childish perspective of course but this information was set up for the audience when Trunks wanted to hold hands with Mai). Like... Goku, do you have something to share as well?

They later spent 3 years in the hyperbolic chamber at Goku's request... 3 years together just sparing in a void where there's nothing but infinity and them! (At most they had spent not even two weeks of net interaction prior to that in all the years they have known each other, mostly just in times of conflict and as enemies/rivals/competition, and now they'll spend three years doing what they both love to do the most in friendly terms getting to know each other, just the two of them, are you kidding me?!!) which again, it wasn't really necessary because as Vegeta points out that wasn't going to make much of a difference in terms of power because they are at their limit of what their bodies can achieve by just fighting, and three years is a bit too much. And Bulma even got jealous/angry about Vegeta accepting the invitation. I know Goku went around asking a lot of other people the same request before him, but also everyone in the room (well Bulma and Piccolo) suddenly were paying A LOT of attention in that moment he asked Vegeta and what was he going to answer.

And then! They come out like they did? Matching beards? Truly looking like Spartans for real?! I kinda want to wonder how that came to be. A dare? They broke the razor or what. Obviously the implication is that they got so into their fighting that they just forgot basic higiene those last days but like... I don't even have to try...

It's become such a well known thing that there's something going on that even in official material (not canon exactly but official) acknowledges it. Maybe Goku knows something we don't since the fusion happened but it goes a little beyond just a joke from his part XD.

And i haven't talked about it because contrary to Vegeta Goku is very straightforward, but Goku has no shame or filter. He does seem to display asexual tendencies, but he's either oblivious to sexual stuff at times and how it affects others, or does it on purpose because he feels not much about it but does know how it affects others. So that cheek to cheek attack could have been Goku being oblivious, or Vegeta was right and Goku took advantage of the situation to get close to Vegeta on purpose. He's also known since always to not really care about the social conventions of things. He's a good guy, but he's also reckless, impulsive at times, and if he wants something he'll just get it without thinking of what are others going to think about it.

In GT there's actually not too much, they just remain companions and friends for life...(Is just so cute and fulfilling seeing them being like brothers). Vegeta again reminiscing of everything they've gone through and accepting his role in the powerscale and being very freaking cute with Bulma, being such a dad and all. The highlight is the fusion again though, where Vegeta is the one that says he wants to do the fusion "So what have you decided, Kakarot. Are we going to do the fusion or not", to which Goku just laughs and Vegeta is like "what are you laughing at", and Goku responds saying that "I'm not laughing, I just feel happy because is the first time you ask ME to do the fusion", and Vegeta is just averts his eyes and says "I hate you...", lol.

Of course, the bromance tones might be just fanservice (I didn't knew that in shonen is actually very common but if it is that way I'd argue is exactly because of these two since they were the OGs). But either if there's something or not I don't really care much about that. Because as characters I have seen them grow so much and they have learn so much about themselves and each other that them possibly being into each other might as well be just another aspect they allow themselves to explore if they're down with it, with whatever canon or the anime presents us to see and guess, just like they have with their own families, wives, form friendships, discover new feelings, ways of thinking, how they have become stronger and how they have change the people around them, meta speaking as well. Because it does feel natural for them, like it didn't came out of nowhere or out of purely fanservice (which it kind of is but it does make sense). Either they are just friends, honorary brothers or something more I'm happy with who they have become thanks to each other. And the trust they have for each other is what is beautiful to see reflected. I'm so proud of them and what they have achieved. Now they are inseparable as the best duo in history.

And in my conclusions I would say that Vegeta might feel something towards Goku for how much he has helped him and how he has come to admire and respect him in levels unimaginable... in a spartan kinda way if you like and if he ever was down with it. And Goku is just Goku. He loves in a storge kind of way because that's what he does. He knows Vegeta to a T, knows what he needs, and wants him to be happy as well and become the better version of himself, to feel comfortable and feel loved too because he admires him as well, and if he can help him he will do so. Is not really a physical sexual attraction (which doesn't mean it cannot derive on one if you want and as we've seen, specially with Goku) but there IS attraction and love in a different way.

[bonaesperanza]

Thalias from the Thrawn Ascendancy trilogy is how you do a female character with "traditionally feminine" virtues correctly.

The culture of the Ascendancy involves using young girls - the only Force sensitives their race has, since they all lose their Force sensitivity when they enter puberty - as ship navigators necessary to navigating the chaotic part of space that they live in. These girls are taken from their families at a young age and raised by a series of caregivers, and just like a bunch of plenty of carers IRL a lot of them are dogshit at their job. As someone who's worked similar jobs and watched other people work similar jobs, Timothy Zahn is BRILLIANT at portraying all of this - it gives me feelings like I can't describe. If you've ever seen a mean preschool teacher harranguing their charges or a shitty foster parent who doesn't treat their foster kids as individuals or anyone of the sort, you will feel this in your bones. Zahn goes hard on the "children are people" themes in this trilogy and I love love love this - it really means a lot to me to see a man known for his military and engineering competence porn stuff put so much thought and care into portraying caregiving as the important and complicated task that it is without coming off as sexist or patronizing towards it.

Anyway, Thalias is one such navigator, but even though most of them want nothing to do with the whole trauma-inducing system once they grow out of it, Thalias ends up returning as a caregiver and puts so much effort, compassion and logical thought into it that it makes me cry tears of joy. She draws on her own experiences but is quick to course correct when she realizes that Che'ri's experiences are different from her own (Thalias loved to read as a kid and still finds it comforting, Che'ri hates reading), she treats Che'ri with empathy and gives her as much autonomy and independence as she is allowed to. She uses a scientific method to figure out how the navigator powers work and adjust Che'ri's work routine accordingly - something no one has ever thought to do. She advocates for Che'ri with the rest of the ship's crew. She's amazing, and Zahn also makes sure to show how HARD it can be at times rather than just make her a perfect mind reader who always knows what her charge is thinking and what to say or do.

She's also kinda flawed - she seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Thrawn because he was once nice to her when she was a miserable kid in the throes of the shitty navigator system, and it comes off as kind of weird or cringe at times, and that's a GOOD thing in my book because it makes her character more 3D.

ALSO, the really nice part of it is that these books are filled to the brim with cool female characters that all feel really really different from each other, so Thalias being the nurturing, diplomatic type doesn't feel like Zahn sending some kind of message - the other prominent character is Ar'alani, a clever military woman who's a natural leader, excellent at handling her subordinates and recognizing their talents, excellent at handling politics even though she hates it, excellent at improvising on the fly, and also a kind and loyal friend. A lot of the other soldier or officer types are also women, and Zahn's other works also have a shitton of varied and cool women, so you feel safe in the knowledge that anything Thalias says or does is indicative of Thalias as an individual and not some vague idea of what women are like that the author has.

I also love how her character provides a contrast to all the "necessary evil" and "people are assets"-type thinking that a lot of the Ascendancy's more military types endorse (which make up a large percentage of the main cast, since this is mil scifi after all) - her conversation with Samakro about this is just chef's kiss to me. I feel like it's cool that we get this kind of POV because to me it serves as confirmation that Zahn knows what he's doing here - he's not being a stupid edgelord fanboy in love with the concept of doing shitty things for the greater good, he's just keenly observing how different people approach life and how all of these sorts of thinking are very useful in certain situations and deeply stupid in others. And the topic is treated with zero smugness - I've read things where similar arguments are used as a way of showing how wise and perfect one of the characters is and how stupid the other one is (coughvorkosigansagacough), but here everyone is treated with respect and empathy and consideration.

THALIAS SUPREMACY!!!

[vshthestmpede]

Hello friend!

Welcome to the trigun family!

Im not sure if youre taking requests or not just yet, but if you are…

Could i get some headcannons for Vash and Knives on what would make them like the reader and how they would confess or show the reader their feelings?

If not thats totally fine! I didnt see a rules page so i was sure! If you dint feel comfortable writing that, totally understandable! Thank you!!

vash/knives - developing feelings + confessing

word count; 919

warnings; none!! sweet happy love all around

note; tysm for all the warm welcomes and requests i've gotten! i'm truly blown away already and i promise i'm getting to all of them, you all are so creative n i wanna do your requests justice! this was such a sweet idea, thank you so much for requesting <3 this is my first time writing for knives so any critique is greatly appreciated!!

cross-posted to ao3

VASH

you were kind. so truly, unbelievably kind no matter the hardships you faced

of all people, he knew how hard that could be yet you did everything without a second thought and with an unwavering chivalry to it. there was no doubt in his mind that you were a rare being, looking out for everyone before yourself

when he first saw you stand between meryl and a bandit, trying to reason and avoid fighting said bandit, the feeling hit him like a sand steamer

he was so used to watching people just brute their way through things that seeing you like that opened up possibilities in his mind, things that he never thought he'd feel for anyone ever

after the aforementioned altercation, vash slowly found himself opening up to you more and more now that he felt like someone could understand him and the way he went about things

day by day, as the two of you grew closer, these feelings bubbled up in vash; the way you carried yourself, the way your laugh became a melody to his ears, the yearning to feel your hand in his and your lips on his. . .

then, one day, he burst like a balloon

"i'm in awe of you, (name)," he admitted one night while you were analyzing his prosthetic arm - brad had given you some tips on how to upkeep it in case of an emergency. "you're so. . .so kind. so sweet. and. . .and what i'm trying to say is-"

you tilted your head as he stopped sharply, turning his head to avoid looking at you as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"i think i'm in love with you!"

vash tensed as he heard you put the screwdriver down, eyes still shut until he felt your hands on his face. he allowed you to gently turn his face until you were staring into each other's eyes.

"c-can you say something?" he pleaded, his voice barely above a whisper. "please, (name), anything."

your head was filled to the brim with what you wanted to say but it all got caught in your throat so you opted to take him by surprise and lean in, pressing your lips to his. you pulled back as quickly as you did it, just a soft and sweet kiss.

turns out, that was more than enough for vash. as soon as you pulled back, he was throwing himself at you in the most joy-filled hug you've ever felt.

"v-vash, be careful! 'm not done with your arm!" you couldn't even chastise the man without giggling, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms

KNIVES

your unwavering compassion took him by complete surprise, especially as a human

he wanted to just lump you in with the rest of humans as a whole, but there was something so different, so special about you that kept him from doing so

you always faced him with an open heart, a desire to try and understand his pain and help him and the plants

he could never begin to understand why you would do such a thing, yet it was endearing to him(though he would rather die than admit that)

you would sit in on his playing, admiring the way he moved so gracefully across the keys. often times, he would catch you watching out of the corner of his eye and a small smile would appear before he could catch himself

some nights, he would play softer pieces to lull you to sleep. other times, though it was rare, he'd invite you to sit with him and offer to teach you some of the simpler pieces he knew

one day, after another successful plant extraction, he found you admiring the vast collection of red plants. still in high spirits, he joined you and began to tell you more about said plants

the way you watched him with wide, invested eyes caused a skip in his heart; a tiny one, but not unnoticeable. then came you questioning him, wanting to delve deeper into not the plants, but him and his past

"why do you want to know so much about me?" knives asked as you two wandered and you responded with a shrug. "you know i'm dangerous, that i-"

"ah, ah." you interrupted. "you're trying to help the plants. yes, you have a slightly, um, genocidal way of thinking but i think that you've gotten a bit more. . .merciful. you're not a bad person, knives."

knives hummed, pulling his hood up as he felt a little warmth crawl onto his face. "interesting view, (name). may i ask you some things about yourself?"

"sure! what do you want to know?" you asked, shocked that he had brought up the topic.

"well, for starters." deliberately, he reaches out and brushes his hand against yours. "what would you think if i told you that i have these odd feelings towards you?"

"what kind of odd feelings are you referring to?" you bumped your hand against his, locking your pinky with his index finger. "are you saying you like me, knives?"

knives sputters but doesn't pull his hand back. "what made you think that, (name)?"

you laughed and relished in the sight of him cracking a small smile.

"you're kind of easy to read, knives." you fully grabbed his hand and pulled him down to you, planting a chaste kiss on his lips. "it's cute. and, to answer your question, i think i would be more than happy to hear you've got odd feelings for me."

[sea-owl]

Could I get some more yandere Bridgerton hc? I would like some where the bridgertons are for some reason forced into the past so they try and speed up their romance but the spouses are from the "villains spouses" books (not reincarnated) from you isekai Portia au. But they are the og villains without Portia reincarnating to help them.

So, like from the Isekai Portia AU, except instead of where everyone is reincarnated into a new life from different worlds, the Bridgertons from the novels where the spouses were second love interests were reincarnated into the OG villainous spouses world yanderism and all? I think I can work with something like that. Hold up let me go digging for the backstories.

To start it would turn into a shit show so fast. The Bridgertons are determined to have their spouses this time around by ANY means necessary. Meanwhile the spouses don't have the moral compass an isekaied Portia gave them in all the other variants nor do they have a sense of a family, all of them have been beaten down in some form or another and caused them to snap. It would be a constant struggle for dominance from each side.

I think the Bridgertons would wake up their memories around the time villain Simon would come to seduce and destroy Daphne to get revenge on Anthony. Penelope and Felicity would have already befriended the Bridgertons by this point for their cover as they plan to destroy society from inside out. I think for the sake of simplicity too the Sharmas would already be in London too. Meanwhile the rest of the Bridgerton brood are out running around looking for their own loves.

Daphne turns the tables on Simon during the seduction game real quick. Simon was expecting some shy and naive debutant but Daphne caught one whiff of seduction and said ooo, my favorite game. Simon may have been the one to start this but Daphne is bold about it. One time in public at a muscial Daphne ran her hand up Simon's thigh and stopped very close that would not be appropriate especially in public. Anthony being way more friendly is also throwing Simon off.

Anthony is also throwing Kate off, and distracting her. Her plan to burn her family to the ground isn't working because that stupid viscount won't leave her alone! And Kate is mean to him! She'll throw every insult she can think of and it's like he gets off on it! He also has no sense of personal space! It's like he's trying to get them caught with how often he has her cornered against some surface.

Sophie might just end up stabbing Benedict. He managed to come across her during one of her heists and sadly for her interrupted her. Benedict thinks he saved her and took her back to My Cottage so she could rest. Sophie looked all over that property and there wasn't anything worth stealing. Him dragging her everywhere isn't helping her plan her next heist either. Sophie would steal the clothes off his back just to be petty but she has a feeling he would like that.

Penelope might also end up stabbing Colin. She liked it better when he DIDN'T acknowledge her existence and follow her everywhere. Stupid stalker. She's got a gossip empire to run and a ton to set on fire! Isn't he supposed to be traveling too? He needs to jump on a boat and leave her alone! Penelope is getting sick of constantly changing hacks to throw him off her trail or having Felicity pretend to be her so he'll follow her while Penelope runs to the print shop.

[waxingrunes]

you said in a tiktok somewhere about sirus loving to hold 2 of remus' fingers and it got me curious, do you think sirius would ever experience littlespace and if so how do you think remus would be about it?

Personally, I have never seen Sirius as someone who would experience little space, but I do think that it’s possible he could experience regression to a degree.

It’s no secret Sirius grew up with one of the starkest upbringings that battered his mental health into what it was as a teenager and onwards. Being Sirius, meant he grew up with a heavy load of expectations saddled to his back and a strict image to maintain. Yes, he came into his own within early adulthood and has always been somewhat of a rogue against his family name, but that doesn’t diminish the fine line of teachings he’s had nor the extensive abuse he’s suffered. He is a smart man, a resourceful and practical one who can make good of most situations once given time to think about it. I don’t think he relies on a lot of people to get what he wants, partly because he’s never allowed himself to and because he seldom trusts. I think Sirius’ trust issues could even delve deeper than Remus’ but that’s a conversation for another day.

Considering the above, he is someone who has a lot of trauma and that’s putting it lightly. He has a natural charisma about him but there’s also a lot of masking that goes unnoticed by the many, but not by Remus. When Remus came along and their friendship/relationship began to blossom, I think Remus was the one person that simultaneously dislodged and lodged something into his brain. Remus is someone who he quickly learned he didn’t have to be anything that he didn’t want to be around and with that, came comfort. There is argument for James being a similar totem for this but as Remus is a different kind of love I think it’s more significant.

Remus is someone who, despite coming with his own difficulties, anxieties and flapping from time to time (including a very mild temper issue) is overall a grounding presence. He is calm and doesn’t need to take up space by volume, and has a more quiet confidence to him. In the right lights, a quiet authority too. Sirius has always felt like Remus could deflate him with a look, calm him with a touch and be that fixed north point on his compass towards home. Sirius knows Remus has him in a way he’s never felt with a romantic partner before. He can be his base self and truly unmask around this man which in turn brings unparalleled ease of physical and mental rest.

So, this is why I believe Sirius can and likes to regress every so often. He will slip into a submissive place of being pliant and alleviated of any worries, allowing Remus to physically take charge of what’s happening. I believe he will simply seek that umbrella of comfort and protection he finds in his Moony (he strictly calls Remus by this name, Moony, when he’s in that state) and lean into the warmth, allowing Remus to take charge of him for however long he needs that respite for. I wanted to reflect that on a superficial level with that two finger hold because I think it shows the innocence that comes with Sirius when he’s in this state. He doesn’t want anything else, other than to be cared for by his Moony and Remus will do everything and more by instinct because he knows exactly what he needs. Sirius will have certain telltale signs when he’s having one of these episodes or days, and Remus has learned them carefully so he can adjust his attention and behaviour accordingly. It’s something that would’ve been discussed as his mental capacity would be definitely altered.

Little space is full regression to a considerably lower age which I don’t necessarily think he does, but regression to a mentally smaller, perhaps more vacant version of himself where he isn’t exactly as present as he would be normally, I think is very likely.

[daintylotusflower]

The Hunt: Epilogue ONE

The Strategist - Asher Carson

We had to move rather quickly, as the place was getting crowded by now. Not just because we arrived, but also because of the saved girls who really needed to get away from this horror place.

Volkov and Kyle were quick, professionals, as expected, when hurrying everyone into secure cars and hurrying everyone to drive off. Naturally none of the fathers and sons wanted to leave their daughters and girlfriends alone, so it was a cozy family trip driving outside of the city.

Everyone needed some fresh air to breathe, though a few amongst them didn’t have lungs to live anymore.

I looked at Killian through the mirror while driving. 
King’s daughter was seated on his lap, head buried in his neck. She was asleep, or fainted from all the exhaustion. 

Poor girl.

The last days were sure a nightmare for her but the happenings from the last hours must’ve truly knocked her out.

„LANDON DON’T“

It was Levi King’s voice that echoed from the other room when we just stepped into the playfield of the devil. Aiden was quick to interrupt his bickering with Kyle to rush to his cousin and nephew.


His nephew, a tall brunette copy of Levi King, was standing in the middle of the room and shot a man that was captured and beaten, right between his eyes.

He was breathing like an angry bull, his body tensed and his eyes… hollow.

Aiden rushed to his side with his cousin and they quickly took away the gun.


„Landon! This won’t —“

„Nothing, will bring her back“ I felt the hair on my neck standing up.. he sounded like..

He sounded like fucking Arianna.
Empty, soulless and ..gone

I heard about the King men and their lack of emotions and ..heart.. Aiden has been a long-life friend and I witnessed him and his son with my own eyes but this.. this was entirely different.

Aiden was a ruthless son-of-a-bitch but he still had humanity in him. He was maybe -okay most definitely - not sharing the same moral compass as the rest of the world, but he had some.

But Landon King ? He looked like the epitome of anarchy and doom at this very moment.

„What’s going on here?“, Kyle entered the room and looked at the dead man like it was another piece of trash in the hallway.

Volkov entered too, hands in his pocket. He looked around rather calculative and somewhat annoyed by the fact that he had to leave his daughter’s side to come here.

Kyle stepped closer.

„Landon? King? What’s going on?“

Something was off, when Aiden pulled Landon away by his neck and Levi held his arms back when he tried to free himself from his uncle.

They both rushed out of the room but not before Landon was yelling at them to show the prove.

Prove?

Prove for what?

Glyndon stirred in her sleep, her fingers gripping into Killian’s chest. She was having a nightmare.
Killian’s jaw tensed and he pulled her even closer, whispering things into her ear I couldn’t decipher. It seemed to work.

„How long, Dad?“, my son sounded tired.

„An hour left“

„We can’t be going too far away from these bastards. It will only give them the opportunity to flee!“

„I don’t think they want to run, son“

„They will.“ Our eyes met through the mirror for a split second and it was like I saw myself in his eyes. Like that time when Arianna died and I blamed the world for it and stupidly my own love. But especially like that time when I found out the truth and Reina was taken away from me. And I saw her beaten up in her own blood. The rage over what had happened and how I almost lost the love of my entire fucking being, was so fucking overwhelming, I would’ve burned the world for her. Including myself.

„They will“, I agreed and something flashed in Killian’s usually emotionless eyes.

Surprise?

I nodded towards the rode.


„We will take a break-“

„I don’t need a break“, he cut me off, stroking Glyndon’s hair back while he continued gazing out of the window.

„No. You don’t“ I wasn’t being sarcastic. I knew that he couldn’t rest until justice was served.

„But Glyndon might when she wakes up. She needs water and something to eat until she gets the nutrition’s from the doctor“

Glyndon had been captive for what seemed like days without food or water. Killian did his best by nurturing her as much as he could when they rescued her. Naturally a doctor was supposed to see her and give her a nutrition boost but because of recent event’s we all needed to pack as quick as possible and change locations.

Some men stayed there, including Aiden, Kyle and Eli to go over everything.

They wanted to be sure that they had seen and found every clue possible, before joining us.

I halted at a gas station and got out, opening the door on Killian’s side.

„What are you doing?“, he looked at me with furrowed eyebrows.

„I’ll pump gas and check with the others. You go and wash your damn face, grab some snacks and water for Glyndon and come back“

„I won’t leave her“, he said with a final tone.

„I’m here“

„Kill..“ I sighed and crouched down. I slowly lifted a finger and stroked a hair out Glyndon’s face, my son tensed visibly.

„Stop that“, he threatened. I allowed myself a little proud smile at that, before cupping Killian’s head and forcing him to look at me.

„You are my son Killian. And no matter what happened between us in the past and how far we are in healing.. this.. all of that doesn’t fucking matter in this situation. Because I want you to be assured that you can always, fucking always trust me“

I leaned our foreheads together. „Trust me, son. Glyndon has become my daughter the moment you brought her home and I saw you -“

„Normal“, he looked at me calmly. He didn’t sound accusatory, merely like he was stating a fact.

„Being yourself!“, I corrected him. „I know I wasn’t the best father you deserved. But let me prove to you, that no one will love you like I do son. Trust me, okay? I’d protect my daughter-in-law with my life if necessary! “

Killian’s nostrils flared and I let him go so he could look down at Glyndon’s face for a second.

He didn’t answer nor reciprocate in any form. I didn’t expect him to because I knew he wasn’t doing emotions. But him putting Glyndon softly into a comfortable sleeping position and getting out of the car was already a big prove of trust. 

I straightened so he could get out of the car. I locked the doors after closing them. He nodded once before he disappeared to grab the snacks.

While pumping the gas I dialed Aiden’s number.

„Are you done?“

„Almost.“ I heared painful groaning in the background

„Did you guys arrive at the location?“

„Almost“ I gave him back his answer. „Will you be there on time?“

„Don’t worry, honey, I know you can’t do shit without me“

I smirked.

„Fuck you, King“

„I pass“ He replied and hung up. 

Being able to fight with Aiden gave me still a form of sanity in this whole damn mess. I texted with the others, apparently some of them already had arrived.

Killian came back a few minutes later, looking a bit fresher than before. Some water droplets were dripping down from his hair strands and gave him a much more awake look. He was carrying some snacks. Maybe a bit too many for the remaining hour. He looked into the car, checking if Glyndon was still asleep.

„Feeling better?“

„No“, he answered calmly. „Not yet“

I nodded, knowing what he meant. I paid for the gas and sat into the driver’s seat and surprisingly, Killian joined me on the passenger side after covering Glyndon with his jacket and making sure that she rested well in the back.

I allowed myself a small smile.

„What did he mean?“, I asked into the 20min silence. From the corner of my eye I saw Killian’s muscles flexing.

„Who“

„Her brother. What did he mean by -“

„Not now, Dad“

I furrowed my eyebrows and passed a large truck before answering.

„I don’t think there are any better moments, son“


He sighed and I watched his Adams apple bob in silent. Was.. Killian struggling to tell me something? No, that can’t be. My son would never struggle with the truth. He didn’t have that empathy level.

„But there are worse…“, he mumbled.

Normally I would argue with him, fight with him and blame him for how he was not responding and hiding important information from me. But just a moment ago I asked him to trust me and ..I needed to trust him too.

I needed to trust in his ability to know what was right now and what was .. just not necessary at this moment.

Levi King calls my son a few minutes after, and he assures him that Glyndon is save. They arrived and were waiting for us. I could see that King was not fond of leaving his little baby girl only after finding her again but he had his hands full with Landon and Nikolai, who was giving updates on his other son.

By all the information I got, he was poisoned.

And though I could see that the elder King wasn’t the greatest fan of my son, I knew that he trusted him in protecting his daughter.

“Tell me about Ilya”, I try this time. We still had 30min to go and there was nothing wrong with getting all the information’s I might’ve missed.

“He betrayed us, what else is there to tell?”

Ilya disappeared with Knight and his daughter, Jeremy’s girlfriend Cecily.

When they were rescuing Annika, Ilya used the opportunity when shit went down to free the men that had been captured and kidnap Knight and Cecily when realizing that the latter was remembering things she shouldn’t.

“What motive does he have?”

“You mean besides Maya?”

I tilt my head down, contemplating. “Why didn’t you tell Jeremy earlier.. maybe he would’ve been more careful-“

“I doubt that”

Killian looked back to Glyndon when she made a soft noise in her dreams. He reached back to stroke her hair back, not for her, but for himself. 

Because he needed her touch just like a drug.

I waited for him to continue.

“Otherwise, it would be my fault, or rather my stupidity for not understanding it earlier but it’s not that”

Killian’s finger started drumming against the window.

“It’s about the fact that Ilya wasn’t so sure about what to do himself.”

I lifted one eyebrow.

“How do you know?”

“Cecily was about to be kidnapped again. Shortly after she was rescued. Ilya checked the room. Now knowing what we know, it’s clear that he was in onto the plan. He knew the room was rigged and yet lied to Jeremy it being safe.”

He stopped drumming and for a moment it seemed like he was lost in his thoughts.

“We dissected the room and quickly found all the cameras and hidden traps. But I also saw something, that I didn’t understand at the beginning.”

I looked over to him intrigued.

“The window. Apparently, it was shut when the men came.”

“So?”

“Are we not using our brain Carson?”

I smirked. “Watch it, punk!”

I could deal with big mouth and provoking Killian. He was much better than soulless Kill.

He chuckled humorlessly.

“So, we established that Ilya chose and prepared the room for Jeremy. Cecily woke up from the men entering the room because the window wasn’t open like it was supposed to be. They had to crash in, which woke up Cecily.”

I raised my eyebrows. It made sense.

“So, you think Ilya did it on purpose, so Jeremy had a chance to rescue her?”

Killian shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s a theory”

“Why would you think that? Maybe the men were really just too dumb? Maybe they didn’t expect Jeremy to be close by or for Cecily to wake up.”

“Possible” 

My son took a deep breath and rubbed his chest, right over his heart. The physical exhaustion was slowly eating him up.

“But I don’t think they planned everything so perfectly, only to fail at such simple tasks.”

“And why would Ilya kidnap Cecily and her father now, if he wanted them to have a chance?”

“Because his motive is Maya, Dad.” He turned his head to look at me and for the first time it seemed like an ounce of empathy was swimming in his cold blue eyes.

“Ilya didn’t betray Jeremy, just to betray him. He did it because of Maya.”

“Are you defending him?”

“Would you?”

Killian looked at me when I stopped at a red light.

“Defend him?”

“No. Betray your –”

“No”, I interrupted him as flashbacks filled my mind. 

“I would never not communicate and hide my problems ever again”

I felt my son’s eyes on me and though we had never told him about his aunt, he knew that a certain family member gave us the worst time of our lives.

She almost made me lose my one true love but she was only so strong because we allowed her to be. We never talked, never shared our pain with each other which is why we almost lost each other for good.

“Ilya should’ve talked to Jeremy.”

My son turned his head back and a silent filled the car until I slowly saw the airport trajectory.

“What is this?”, Kilian asked as we saw our friends and family standing in front of Volkov’s private Jet.

“Would you?”

“What?” 

I parked next to the scattered cars and looked over to him.

“Would you betray your own to safe Glyndon?”

We looked at each other for a long moment, his icy blue eyes vibrating with intensity as he thought hard about his answer.

He looked over to Glyndon who was softly sighing in her sleep when he answered.

“Yes”

Though I didn’t suspect a different answer, I couldn’t help the sting in my chest.

“Because she is my empathy. Without her, I don’t own a different perspective.”

He nodded over to her.

“So, with her being save here, I can rationalize what you are saying. It’s understandable and it’s…” He furrowed his eyebrows as if he was tasting his words “it’s probably the right thing to do. The moral-ethnical and socially acceptable way of seeing this.”

“But.. it’s not how I function Dad. Not how I will ever work. Glyndon is my only sanity so if she disappears-“

“You’d lure your cousin into a trap?”, I interrupted. I knew I had no right to feel attacked. I knew he was being brutally honest with me which I appreciated. Fuck, I appreciated it so much, even though the truth about my son would always hurt me.

But I was proud of how reflective he was and most of all, how he was trying for us all.

Even if he said it was only for Glyndon, it wasn’t true.

It was maybe because of Glyndon, which is why he learned perspective and patience, but he had always put on a mask in order to not hurt us, hurt his mother.

Even if he acted like he didn’t care and yes, yes because of how his brain worked he might not.

But he cared differently.

He adjusted to us to not make us feel sad even if he wasn’t aware that that was a form of empathy.

Killian’s eyes darkened.

“Never. Mia… “ He broke eye contact as he looked out to the others, Adrian Volkov looked at me expectantly.

“I am not defending what Levitsky did” He spat his name like a curse.

“That motherfucker deserves a slow death for what he did to Mia”

He looked then at me again, a shadow darkened his eyes now. Making him look deathly. Ruthless.

“But if someone asked me to exchange Landon for Glyndon. I gladly would”

I allowed a low chuckle knowing how much my son hated his girlfriend’s brother.

The corner of his mouth twitched for a split second before he nodded towards the others.

“We are sending the girls off, right?”

I nodded.

His jaw tensed and he looked back at Glyndon again. Desperation and reluctance were written in his face.

“She will be safe”, I assured him.

“She will be safe”, he said, emphasizing the last words when he met my eyes.

He wasn’t assuring himself or me. 

It was a dark promise.. almost like a threat.

-

Astor’s boy and Aiden’s younger boy decided to stay with the girls.

Well, not quite freely.

Nash’s youngest daughter was clearly a mess and her boyfriend would’ve rather chewed his own leg then to let go of her in any circumstances.

Her father clearly approved, though I knew that Cole would never admit that out loud. But he needed to focus on his still lost daughter and I could tell that he was relieved that she didn’t need to stand alone through whatever she’s been through.

Aiden’s youngest son, Creighton, wasn’t as easy to convince. 

But he wasn’t happy with neither staying nor leaving with Annika.

He knew that she needed to head back home, that she needed to leave this hell hole and he wanted to stay with her and protect her but at the same time the need to kill was also there. Present.

It was a back and forth until Adrian grabbed him by his shoulder and looked down on him though they were almost the same height and told him to choose himself just like Annika did too before.

I didn’t know what they meant by that.

Without using the words for it, Adrian basically told him, that he wanted him to stay with his daughter.

Creighton looked back before they entered.

“I want the one who took her”

And then he disappeared into the plane. It was clear as day what he meant by that.

He wouldn’t be here to find those men and punish them for what they did but he wanted to have at least one to torture which would be the one who took Annika in the first place.

Adrian nodded.

I didn’t look when Killian hugged Glyndon to his chest and I didn’t listen when he whispered her that he loved her and that he would come back as soon as the fuckers who did that to her would be bleeding. 

Levi approached his daughter shortly after and helped her inside.

His son was nowhere to be seen.

The girls would be sent back to one of Adrian’s hidden houses and would have the best security to protect them. 

We watched the plane start from afar when Jeremy’s phone went off. He had been quite the whole time, watching in silence when I knew that his soul was shattering.

“WHAT?”

We all looked at him tensed when he yelled into the phone. His eyes met Levi’s who stepped closer.

In return he held his phone out and put it on speakerphone so everyone could hear my nephew talk.

“Like I said. Levitsky is here. Knight and Cecily are here too.”

We looked at each other in disbelief. Why the hell is Ilya back? 

“Is Knight alright?”, Astor asked, stepping closer.

“He lost a lot of blood and is unconscious at the moment.” He waited a beat. “Cecily is with him and my men are with her”

This information was clearly for Jeremy who was now basically killing his phone with his death grip and laser eyes.

Nikolai growled like he was trying to control his beast.

“He also brought the antidote”

“Are you sure it’s the correct one?” Levi asked now taking Jeremy’s phone. The latter’s muscles ticked but he didn’t stop him.

“It’s the only one we have Mr. King... we need to hurry”

“Nikolai! What if it’s a trick-?”

“It’s not”, Killian cut in, looking at the phone with an empty look.

“How do you know, Carson?”

I looked back at my son.

“Brandon was already dying. What difference would a few hours make?”

Levi bit down on his teeth at the image of his son slowly losing his life.

“Don’t let him out of your eyes Niko!”, Jeremy barked in before they could continue to argue about Ilya’s intentions.

There was a moment of silence on the other line. Nikolai didn’t sound like himself. I knew his boyfriend was fighting for his life at this moment but knowing that he received the antidote should actually make him sound. -maybe not happy.. but more alive?

So why did he still sound like he was trying to make Brandon breathe again.

“He’ll stay. He.. is waiting for you”

Jeremy hissed, his jaw ticking with unleashed anger when he grabbed his phone back.

“Send me the fucking location of the hospital Nikolai and so help me God when I see him because he wished he’d run away”

“You’d be surprised”, Nikolai echoed with an almost hollow voice and hung up.

What was that supposed to mean?

Jeremy didn’t wait to find it out as he rushed to his car, his father following. I knew that Adrian also had a vendetta against Ilya for betraying his son like that.

“How are we sure this is not a trap?”, Astor asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I don’t think so”, Killian threw in.

“What? Do you think he suddenly had a change of heart?”, Levi spat. His tone towards my son was pure poison and I was about to punch his fucking face for that.

“Not a change but maybe a loss..”

Again, his eyes swam into a further nothing when I could practically hear his brain working.

“What are you saying, Kill?”, I asked.

“I said I would betray my people for Glyndon, Dad. Now empathize with me. When would I come back?”

He looked at me – no, past me. Like he was chasing a long-gone shadow. 

I furrowed my eyebrows thinking about his question.

What did he mean?

When would Killian come back?

Especially like Ilya. Why would he all of a sudden try to help? Seemingly?

If he wanted to safe Maya then-

My eyes widened when realization slapped me.

I felt like someone poured cold water over my head, freezing me to my bones.

“Mr King. Please show me the picture of Mia”

Mia? Wait – why Mia?

Levi looked at me for a second before he looked back at my son.

“Why?”

He just reached out his hand, waiting for him to give him the phone.

After three heartbeats Levi reluctantly handed him his photo after opening something and –

Fuck- FUCK

Was this my heart breaking?

My lungs that were shuttering?

The corners of my eyes blackened for a moment when I blinked, my eyes desperately trying to focus on the picture in front of me but my body was revolting to even witness what I was seeing.

No, no, no. Not my little princess. Not my beautiful, innocent niece!

Not M-

“Maya. This is Maya” 

Killian’s voice came out like the reapers.

Dark and lifeless.

Gone.

“The message said-“

“It’s a lie. Only to pitch Landon against us. This is Maya.. ..I ..recognize my cousin”

A heavy and dark blanket laid upon us as we all stared down to the picture. No, not everyone. Astor, Nash and King were avoiding it.  So they knew before.

And.. I looked at Killian. 

He knew too. He didn’t see the picture, obviously a mix up happened between the twins, but he knew that his cousin died. That’s why he wouldn’t tell me.

“That’s why Ilya came back”, I whispered.

That’s the only reason Killian would come back too. If it was too late. If he had lost Glyndon. Only then he’d help for a last time.

Maybe him not because of guilt but because of revenge. To stop them from plotting and pull them all to hell with him. 

“Maya is..”

“What about my daughter?”

The voice belonged to my brother-in-law. Kyle Hunter who stepped out of Aiden’s car together with him and his son Eli.

He had stayed with them behind to clean any mess they might’ve left with their last snooping and got rid of unnecessary attention.

We were so indulged that we didn’t even hear them approaching, yet alone getting out of the car.

Levi snatched the phone back from Killian and everyone kind of stepped away from the circle we all built.

“We got Ilya”

Killian announced to his uncle. “We are heading to the hospital; Brandon is being treated.”

I refused to look into Kyle’s eyes as I followed my son back to the car, but a strong arm stopped me.

“Ash” 

The familiarity broke me for a second and my eyes met with Aiden’s who was looking at us from a few feet away with a calculative look.

“What did you guys talk about? What happened to my daughter?”

I felt like needles were piercing my skin and a heavy stone was setting in my throat.

“She-“

Sudden gun shots interrupted me when we found ourselves in the middle of an attack. 

Kyle pulled my head down and we ran to the next car, jumping in.

I checked if my son got in safely but gladly there was nobody left on the open field as we raced out of danger. How the fuck did they find us so quickly?

I dialed Aiden’s number, and he picked up after the first ring.

“Did everyone make it?”

“Yeah” I heard him driving over a man.

“Everyone’s safe.” He sounded too calm.

“Put it on loudspeaker”, Kyle grunted next to me.

“How many can you see King?”

“A few. Your little trap worked.”

I furrowed my eyebrows.

“You brought them here?”

“We were on a hunt remember? Time to catch the prey.”

I looked back and saw Aiden behind us, both him and his son looking almost bored as multiple cars were chasing them. 

“By putting everyone in danger?”

“We didn’t. We knew they would come, obviously” Aiden stated through the phone. “Why chase them when we can let them follow us.”

“Work smarter not harder” I smirked, and I knew Aiden was doing the same. It was his motto since I could remember.

“How did you lure them in?”

I asked, not quite understanding yet why they were suddenly so open with their attacks.

“Simple”, Aiden said with and obvious undertone. “Find out that Adam is not the only one behind this shit and kidnap their accomplice who most definitely would spill his whereabouts with a tiny bit of torture”

“What a pussy”, Kyle grunted, obviously speaking about a session they both had when we left.

How long were they gone exactly?

But wait? Accomplice? As in-

“It’s not Adam Herran behind this?”

“Oh he is”

“But he apparently wasn’t alone”, Kyle commented while he made a sharp left turn, the car chase getting more difficult as we snaked through the traffic.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Who?”

“An old high school friend”

I waited.

“Christopher Vans”, he spoke darkly. 

[ironspdr6700]

WHY IS CLYTEMNESTRA JUST AND GUILTY AT THE SAME TIME (ACCORDING TO AESCHYLUS)?

Medical school, unfortunately, has been taking up more of my reading time than I'd like. But since we're on 14-HOURS blackouts now, it gives me time to at least read my favorite Greek tragedies in more detail. And of the big 3… My favorite by far is Aeschylus.

I recently read some passages from Gilbert Murray's book "Aeschylus: Creator of Greek Tragedy" and I can't recommend it enough for anyone who is a fan of the Oresteia, because you read Murray first and then you re-read Aeschylus in a totally different way and all the parts that seemed incomprehensible at first make sense. I've read a lot of posts here on Tumblr that defend or demonize Agamemnon or Clytemnestra or Electra, defending one, condemning the other or claiming that they are all equally bad, but I think the problem is that we read the saga of the house of Atreus from our modern perspective. And I think that shows that we don't know how to read Greek tragedies. Tragedy… AUTHENTIC GREEK TRAGEDY AS AN ARTISTIC CREATION, according to Aristotle, should provoke TERROR and COMPASSION in the viewer at the same time. Tragic heroes are different from the rest of traditional heroes because they are not worthy of being imitated, but are trapped in a situation that none of us would want to be in. And we regret that because if we were in their place we wouldn't know how to make a better decision.

Precisely because we are a modern audience, we feel more comfortable with Euripides' theatre, his criticism of mythology and the lack of ethics of the gods (don't get me wrong, I love his Medea and the Trojan Women, which is, in my opinion, one of the greatest treasures of universal literature), but we find it difficult to get into the thought of Aeschylus.

Because Aeschylus belongs to the last link of Archaic Greece, which was transformed into the Classical and rationalist Greece of Euripides, Socrates and Thucydices. Aeschylus was a deeply religious man who lived through decades of transformation: the passage from tyranny in Athens to aristocracy and then to democracy, the battles of Marathon and Salamis between the small Greek city-states against the "excessive" Persian empire and the beginning of the golden age of Athens marked his vision of the world that Divine Justice had an active participation in the world to always balance the scales.

And this also involves a transformation in the conception of Law and Justice in that period of Greek thought. Like the archaic idea that justice is only a synonym for revenge, it becomes a state-mediated process to maintain social peace. According to the archaic conception EVERY MURDER OF ANY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY MUST BE AVENGEANCE, it is not an option, it is an OBLIGATION. From that point of view, Clytemnestra has every right in the world to take revenge on Agamemnon for the sacrifice of Iphigenia, not even the Furies have anything against her because she is not Agamemnon's blood relative, which, superficially, would seem to close the cycle. The only problem is that this is a cycle of violence, and the more violence you add, the more times the cycle keeps repeating itself and the more the wheel of Ananke, the Need to satisfy the spilled violence, keeps turning.

Clytemnestra calls for help from Zeus, "Zeus, through whom all things come to an end", so that she can succeed in her plan. If Clytemnestra kills Agamemnon, it is because ZEUS HAS ALLOWED HER TO DO SO. In Aeschylus, no event ever happens that was not the will of Zeus. Zeus is the guarantor of destiny, the protector of supplicants, the guardian of hospitality… And he is also Zeus the Avenger, in charge of making sure that everyone pays for their crimes in due time. And Agamemnon has a long list of crimes to carry out, not just Iphigenia; as leader of the expedition against Troy, he has allowed the army to destroy everything during the siege, including the altars of the gods… the refuge for the supplicants.

"The altars and temples of their gods have disappeared; the entire race of a people has been annihilated."

Zeus, as guardian of hospitality, sent Agamemnon and Menelaus against Troy for the abduction of Helen:

"Paris, who, having been welcomed into the home of the Atreids, dishonoured the table of hospitality by the abduction of a wife."

But Agamemnon allows his army to GO TO OVER THE TOP IN REVENGE

"Paris will never boast, nor the city that was his accomplice, that the deed outweighed the punishment… he lost the stolen garment, and ruined the house of his parents along with his own country. WITH DOUBLE PUNISHMENT the sons of Priam PAID FOR THEIR GUILT."

So now it is Zeus, Suppliant and Avenger, who must again balance the scales.

"Now those who conquered my country are in turn sentenced by the gods."

As a second point in favor, Clytemnestra, at least in the first work of the trilogy, is more than just a woman, she seems more like she is possessed by a divinity:

"…say not that I am the wife of Agamemnon. That ancient and fierce spirit of vengeance that garnished the cruel feast of Atreus, that is he who, taking the appearance of the wife of him who lies there, avenged on a man the sacrifice of two children."

This was part of archaic thought, the idea of ​​demons or minor divinities that influence the thought or behavior or actions of human beings and also that the crimes of parents must be paid for by their children if they are not avenged. One of the most interesting posts I read is one that commented that, in archaic literature, one never knows exactly where human freedom begins and where divine will ends. BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT FREE WILL DOES NOT EXIST AND THEREFORE THAT HUMAN BEINGS ARE EXEMPT FROM RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

And this is where Clytemnestra also becomes guilty. First, because she murders Cassandra, a Trojan princess, a priestess, a slave who has no say.

"I am forced to suffer the yoke of slavery"

She treats her as if she were Agamemnon's lover, which highlights 1) Clytemnestra's hypocrisy, because she had also taken Aegisthus as a lover, and 2) this is more important, THE LACK OF COMPASSION. Greek tragedy must generate terror and compassion because they are the two emotions that make us human. Only the person who is authentically compassionate, that is, literally feels the suffering of others as their own, as a shared experience and inheritance, can be called an authentic human being in the highest spiritual sense of the word. Clytemnestra HAS NO PITY, on the contrary, she delights in the very violence she commits:

"She, after singing her funeral dirges like a swan, fell too, and lies there beside her lover. Delicious contentment that satisfies the pleasures of my loves!"

Clytemnestra triumphs as Iphigenia's mother, but fails as a queen, just as Agamemnon triumphs as a king but fails as Iphigenia's father. Clytemnestra does not care about the opinion of the chorus of elders, she does not care that Aegisthus establishes a tyranny and that the respect for majesty that Agamemnon did have for his subjects is transformed into fear, into threats of hunger and deprivation for those who oppose her.

It is true that Clytemnestra is justified (Justice in the most archaic sense of the word) in her revenge in the first act, but that does not give her the right to laugh, or even to feel proud of what she has just done. "For my own part, I boast of my work. If it were lawful to pour libations on a corpse, they would be just, most just on this occasion." Not even Odysseus, who murdered 108 people in his own house despite having received the approval of Zeus and Athena, takes delight in the slaughter, because "it is not godly to rejoice over the death of these men."

In the end, Clytemnestra does not seem to die for killing Agamemnon (that is Aegisthus). She dies for having killed Cassandra, as she herself prophesies:

"… when a woman pays for my life with her life, and a man atones with his blood for the blood of the unhappy husband of a bad wife… I ask you that my hateful murderers receive from my avengers the payment for the easy death of a defenseless slave."

And that is what leads Orestes to be one step closer to absolution than Clytemnestra will ever be. Orestes obeys Apollo's orders, but against his will, forced by fate, he finds neither pleasure nor satisfaction in matricide. It is the first step that will later lead him to be absolved by Athena. While Clytemnestra, even in death, has no compassion, she cannot forgive even her own son when he sees himself subjected to an unwanted fate.

[azure-firecracker]

ATLA Live Action Stream of Consciousness (Episode 6, Part 2).

THE AANG/ZUKO HEIGHT DIFFERENCE!

This section is basically a copy of the original show which is why I have no problems with it lmao.

Zhao’s poor scribe is just trying to do his job.

Tell me why Zuko is better at sword fighting than all of these adults.

TEAMWORK!! FORESHADOWING!!

I want to marry a Yuyan archer part 2.

Ooh a longer Aang/Zuko convo? It’s all generic and I don’t care I like it anyway.

Aang being cute and funny is everything I need. He needs to do more of it.

Of course Zuko has a favorite kind of pen.

Their friendship is everything to me.

“Of course it’s what everyone expects of me” ME ON THE FLOOR! (I like that we know it’s not what Zuko really wants-what he wants is way more complicated. Same goes for Azula but she’s not here and I doubt they’ll give her something like this).

Oh Aang Zuko isn’t ready to be better yet.

Zuko your trauma is showing.

Agni Kai flashback.

THEY GAVE BABY AZULA BANGS?!?! Amazing decision.

Ozai are you actually mad rn? (In the OG it seemed like he was asserting his power rather than really caring).

Ooh Iroh’s trying to intervene that’s an interesting take.

I knew Zuko was going to fight and unlike the rest of the fandom I don’t have strong feelings about it. It’s clear he only fights back because he thinks that’s what Ozai wants.

Azula definitely looks concerned/in shock in these shots imo. I do like that change from the original show since they’re showing her humanity.

Nice callback on “compassion is a sign of weakness.”

Azula’s expression during the Agni Kai with Zuko and Ozai is the same one she had on when Ozai burned the spy in episode 3. I think it’s dissociation mostly, not wanting to acknowledge what’s happening or having to not process it because she knows it could happen to her. (Or a trauma response)

How did Iroh get his hair bun back?

Zuko does care too much Iroh’s right.

Ozai playing fake nice in this scene is chilling, and a welcome update.

“Sometimes the weak can become stronger. Sometimes you have to give them a chance.” Zuko we know you’re talking about yourself (still a great line though)

URSA MENTION?! I need more fire family flashbacks if they get book 2.

Does Ozai think this is good parenting?

I knew the 41st was Zuko’s crew already but I love that change just like everyone else.

Zuko saying “I’m fine” is peak teenager core.

Zuko and Iroh are giving parent child here.

This is a great scene with the crew it’s so sweet.

This episode has Zuko crying too much it’s not good for me.

I like the theme of friendship in this little monologue. If they’d build up the gaang’s friendship more it would mean more to me.

Wait what happened to Gyatso? I don’t get it.

The parallel father figure narrations in episodes 5 and 6 are good.

Zuko’s mirror bit ofc reminded me of Azula’s mirror in book 3.

THAT WAS A GOOD LAST LINE!

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - thirty | maybe

You stood on the bus, holding onto the hand strap, music playing in your headphones as you watched the lights flick past the train windows.

Did you make the best decision, telling Hongjoong about Yunho and your parents? You were pretty sure you did. He didn’t tell you you were stupid or make fun of you in any way, and he genuinely seemed to care for your mental state, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked if you wanted him to get rid of Yunho. Fortunately that was a non-issue, since you wouldn’t be seeing him again now that June was back.

You felt weird though and you weren’t sure why. Maybe it was because, even though the two of you got off on the wrong foot, Hongjoong showed you more compassion in the few weeks you’ve known him than your parents did in all of the seventeen years you lived with them. He and Maddox were so encouraging and helpful since you started working at Wonderland. Mingi and Dei were too; you wouldn’t even have been working there if it wasn’t for randomly happening upon the first To The Beat busking event and Mingi telling you about the audition. You wondered what it would have been like to grow up with people like them instead of your own family.

Anyway, you might run into Yunho once or twice in the lobby in the future, but you didn’t have to worry about being in such close quarters with him anymore. That was a relief.

Were you still mad at him? In principle, yes, you couldn’t forget how much he had wronged you, especially now that you had told Hongjoong the whole story and it was so fresh in your mind again. In principle though, you had to stick to your guns. You told him that you were no longer friends and it had to stay that way, you didn’t care how much of an accident it was, he should have known better. But really? Were you still mad at him? From an emotional standpoint? You weren’t sure. You hadn’t even thought about him in the past few years before seeing him at the dance studio and jetting out the door. You supposed you had moved on; not even having a reason to think about him anymore is part of moving on, right? You hadn’t even felt the anger from that initial moment in years… you supposed had done it. You had moved on.

You sighed as you looked out a different window.

When you got home you put your bass down, happy the one Hongjoong had ordered for you was supposed to come in tomorrow. You took off your coat and hung it up and stood for a moment, hands on your hips in your quiet apartment.

You went to your bedroom closet and dug through it, finding your old gig bag.

It was the day after graduation. Your parents were both at work and your brother was out. This was your last chance and you were taking it.

You had packed up what little you had into one of your parent’s large suitcases, the kind people with a lot of clothes used for going on vacation. You put in everything you might need, while still leaving a sizable spot for a large item. You had also stolen the rest of your birthday money out of your parent’s closet, since your mom had moved it after finding out about your bass: you rediscovered it easily. She wasn’t even trying. Internally you thanked your violin teacher for doing the only helpful thing he’s ever done in the many years you had been his student: calling in sick two minutes after you had gotten to the music school. Your parents and brother had already left to wherever they we were going after dropping you off and you rushed home for the rare opportunity of being able to find the rest of your money.

But that was weeks ago. Now, you were standing with your suitcase and violin case in front of the pawn shop your mom sold your bass to, looking at it through the window, propped up against the amp with the gig bag nearby and the cable plugged in, arranged tastefully. Somehow, no one had bought it in the time between her selling it and now, but someone was about to.

You walked in and put the violin on the counter. The owner looked up from his newspaper.

“Hi. That bass in the window is mine, I want it back. I want to trade this violin for it.”

He looked at you queerly. “I remember you. Your mom came in and sold it while you cried for her not to.”

“Um… I remember being too shocked to cry, but yeah, she made me watch her sell it. I want it back.”

He raised an eyebrow as he opened the violin case. He took it out and inspected it. He looked at the receipt you brought in the case, you had it all these years because your mom made you keep it as a reminder of how much money she spent on it.

He whistled as he read it. “That much, huh?”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just waited for his verdict.

He checked the violin again. “Well, it shows some wear, I assume you’ve been playing it for a while.”

“Yeah.”

He nodded. “Why buy the bass back if you have this nice violin? This is worth way more.”

“I…”

“I won’t tell your mom if I ever see her.”

You laughed awkwardly. “I never wanted to play this stupid violin. I love playing bass.”

He nodded slowly, watching you as you scowled at the thorn that had finally been pulled from your side as it sat in its case on his counter. He nodded again.

“Alright. I’ll give you the bass for the violin.”

“Really? Thank you!”

Taken aback by your sudden enthusiasm, he laughed. “I’ll give you the remainder of the money for the violin as well. Unless you want something else in the store.”

“No, the money would be great, actually.”

He nodded and closed the violin in its case and started to take money out of the register drawer. “So uh, what’s with the suitcase? You leaving?”

“Yeah. I graduated yesterday so I’m getting as far away from my family as I can.”

“Where you going?”

You froze.

He pretended to zip his lips shut and throw away the key. “I won’t tell.”

“Seoul.”

He nodded, paused, and took out more money. He took a small envelope from a stack next to the register and put the money inside and handed it to you. “I’ll get the bass out of the window for you.”

You nodded.

Ten minutes later you had said goodbye and thanked him for selling your bass back to you. You stood outside the pawn shop and inhaled deeply; you might have had two years until you were legally an adult, but this was your first breath as a free woman and you wanted to savor it. You pulled your suitcase behind you, the amp inside and your bass on your shoulder, and turned to take one last look at the pawn shop before you walked all the way to the train. The owner was in the window setting up the violin in the bass’ place. You watched him for a few moments as he arranged the bow nicely so as to attract a buyer, before he looked up and noticed you and waved.

You waved back before starting your trek. What a nice guy.

You stood in the darkness of your bedroom, looking for your old bass was more important than turning on the lights. You unzipped the gig bag and let it fall away, putting the bass on. You pulled the small amp you kept next to your desk over and sat against the side of your bed. You plugged it in and put on the headphones that sat atop it, ready for use.

You checked its tuning for a moment, finding it hadn’t really fallen out of tune. It was just like that for some reason; trustworthy. You played something slow, calm, something that was more meditative droning and experimental exploration of sound waves than it was melodic music.

You hadn’t thought of that moment for a while; getting your bass back, standing outside the pawn shop and breathing what felt like your very first breath and then being wished a safe journey by a man you didn’t even know. You were starting a life that was all yours to do with whatever you wanted to… It was overwhelming. It was terrifying. But it was all yours. Though your eyes were closed as you played, tears managed to leak through. You couldn't believe you were crying over that moment now. Over everything.

You were a teeager again, sitting in her best friend’s room practicing a new instrument for the first time. You were an adult sitting on the floor next to their bed playing an instrument they’ve played for years. You were trapped, caged by the people who gave birth to you. You were free, in a city where your family wasn’t.  You were hated by your family and only had one source of comfort. You were appreciated by coworkers and had more than one friend. Your existence was known by only a handful of people and you were functionally alone. You had fans in the hundreds of thousands who waited to see what new thing you would make.

You opened your eyes.

Maybe you hadn’t totally gotten over it. Maybe, even though you had physically and temporally moved further away from your parents and your childhood, you had ignored your emotions. Maybe thinking about it now, in this way, having told someone - the only person you’d ever told - maybe it was a good thing. Maybe feeling what you were feeling now was the first real step to moving on.

And maybe, just maybe.

Seeing Yunho again had reminded you of all the time you spent together. All the love you had for each other before he betrayed you.

And maybe, just maybe.

You found yourself missing him.

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[luminescenc1e]

The suffocating humidity of the bayou was sticking to his skin after he had spent nights out looking for one specific witch. For some reason, the one he was looking for had abandoned the supposed safety of the French Quarter and the rest of her coven and ventured out away from the city. Maybe that should have deterred Damon, but it hadn’t, it did, however, manage to annoy him, especially since he had been unable to scrub off the stench of the still waters he had trudged through, and without anything to show for it.

But there had been whispers that the Gilbert Compass was all the way in New Orleans, hence why he had spent the past couple of weeks enjoying bourbon and the lively atmosphere that seemed to be ever-present as soon as the day was over. The streets were always full, the bars packed and there was never a problem finding someone delicious to snack on. But his little holiday had been turned upside down when he was certain he had seen Katherine, only to discover that had not been her, but a girl that looked exactly like her.

Or better yet, the more he got to know her, the less she reminded him of Katherine. She had none of the cruel bitchiness that Katherine seemed to drown in. “ Well…” Leaning forward, arms crossed over the wooden surface, a smirk firmly in place. It was not a difficult thing to flirt with her, quite enjoyable actually. “ I was just thinking how two heads are better than one, and seeing as you are far more knowledgable about old and dusty things, things forgotten with time. I wanted to propose a sort of working relationship - but I wouldn’t be against us mixing work and pleasure if you’re not. “

With a raise of his eyebrows, Damon took the small booklet out of his pocket and slid it towards her. “ I’m looking for this, it’s a family heirloom if you will, and I have it on good authority that it might be somewhere in the city, so I’d appreciate your help with finding it. Of course, name your price. I could pay you…with whatever you want. “ A wink before he leaned back, eyes moving across the endless amount of different knickknacks around the room. “ So, what do you say Cami? “

continued from here with @dopplgaenger

[leggerefiore]

cw: Tapu Bulu! Nanu

“I heard that having red eyes is said to be good luck on Ula'Ula island,” a tourist eagerly clamoured to your tired lover, “It means… you're a descendant of the Tapu, right?” You held back a giggle as you and Nanu stood in front of Sushi High Roller together, having just had a lunch date. A tourist eagerly caught sight of Nanu and rushed over to share the not entirely incorrect information. Having red eyes on Ula'Ula did usually mean you were a descendant of the Tapu, yes. Nanu was not one of them, however.

“That so?” he replied with a head tilt, “You'd think he'd quit then. There's a lot of people with red eyes around Malie alone.” Your face burned a bit with the look he shot you. The tourist seemed even more eager.

“Do you think you're especially lucky? I had read the Tapu on this island is nicer than the others,” he eagerly recited some information from the library about the different personalities of the Tapu. You felt your embarrassment fade with the return of amusement. Nanu cocked a brow up at his words, clearly already exhausted by this.

“I feel like I have pretty bad luck,” he shrugged. The tourist gasped, clearly intrigued by this change. Well, you would say he had extremely good luck, but you supposed you could see how he viewed it as bad, seeing as he was currently being questioned about his descendants by a complete stranger. Most tourists, including yourself at one point, had no idea that this seemingly tired old man was actually the Tapu of Ula'Ula island.

Was having red eyes good? When asked, the Tapu himself would say all being related to him gave someone was too many kids and a green thumb. An unfortunate side effect of being a vegetation and abundance deity was that he was also associated with fertility, making his choice in a physical appearance even more funny.

The tourist turned to you with a polite smile. “Er, are you his child?” he asked, “Or, well, maybe grandchild? Do you think you have good luck?” You nearly snorted. Nanu even tensed a little at that one. Most locals were fully aware of your relationship with the Tapu, but most other people just assumed some form of familial relationship.

“I'm his partner,” you corrected easily. The tourist's face went bright red as he looked away in shame and shock. A chuckle came from Nanu. His hand came to rest on the small of your back as wore one of his rare grins. “... I'd say he has pretty bad luck, too, but I can assure you that he isn't a descendant of the Tapu,” you decided to show some compassion for the poor guy. Everyone was allowed to be a little interested in Alolan culture.

The tourist nodded but looked at Nanu again before gasping. “W-wait if that guy isn't a descendant of the Tapu, could he actually be…?” The idea that the land spirit guardian of Ula'Ula was some old guy tended to leave people in shock. You included, of course. Nanu did not react to his words. He already was bothered enough by a certain girl sending a bunch of people to him, insisting it was his duty to help.

“Who knows?” you shrugged, “He is the Kahuna, though, so you can bother him for directions.” Nanu shot a glare that screamed in contradiction with your words, making you laugh a bit. Leaning against him, you both departed from the tourist and the restaurant.

Honestly, considering the poor old man's increased libido from his domains, you supposed it was luck he did not have more descendants than he already did. There would probably be as many of them as there were Meowths on Ula'Ula if he did not have some luck.

[aquietwritingcorner]

Suffering In Silence

Title: Suffering in Silence Day: Febuwhump 2024, Day 7 Prompt: Suffering in Silence  Fandom:  TMNT 2003 Word Count: 1051  Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating:  T Characters: Donatello Warning: Summary: The Ninja Tribunal’s vision was shocking to everyone—but perhaps more so to one turtle than the others. After all, for someone who has seen the death of his family once, seeing it again is more than a little traumatizing.    Notes:     ff.net || AO3

________________________________

Suffering in Silence

Don followed his brothers and father back to the quarters that the Ninja Tribunal had prepared for them in a daze. They were all uneasy and quiet after the vision that the Ninja Tribunal had put in their heads. A vision of death and destruction that they could do nothing about, no matter how hard they fought within it.

Don shivered, but he barely paid it any mind. He hadn’t paid attention to a lot as they walked back, most of it slipping right past him. He hadn’t noticed when the other acolytes broke off to go to their quarters. He hadn’t noticed when the Ancient One decided to come along with them. He hadn’t noticed when the decision had been made to return to their room. He hadn’t even noticed the conversation that happened after the vision had ended. He’d barely paid attention to anything. Even now, as they entered their room and settled down on their pallets, Don barely paid attention to what was going on, still in a daze.

All he could see was his family, dead.

And it wasn’t the first time he had seen that.

This was just like before, even if it was different.

Don shuddered again and pulled his blanket around him, pulling it up over his head. He stared at the floor, wide-eyed, the world around him fading out as the vision still pulsed in his mind’s eye.

Splinter, crushed beneath debris from the ceiling, and a grave marker in a park.

Mikey, crushed and buried beneath the falling columns, and lying in a pool of his own blood after being sliced to ribbons.

Raph, slammed into a crater in the ground, not moving, and collapsed beside Leo, blood leaking from the sword wound.

Leo, burned, smoking, lying on the ground, dying, and laying on his back, the blood from his shell spreading beneath him.

And himself, lying smashed and crushed beneath the monster’s tail, and standing, looking at the bodies of his family.

Dead. All over again. All of them dead. And he remembers. He remembers. He can see it, he knows what happened and he could have saved them, if he’d gotten the information about chi out to Leo faster, if he’d not insisted that they take the Shedder out—

“Hey! Hey, Purple One! Are you listening to me?”

Don blinked, focusing on the face in front of him, realizing that the little fat man—the Ancient One—was standing uncomfortably close to him, right up in his face.

“Hey, kumquat! I think this one is broken. You need to fix him.”

Don heard Raph choke on a drink, and Mikey’s “I’m sorry, what?” but it was as if they were distant. He heard Leo sigh, but the footsteps of his oldest brother coming closer.

“Don? What’s up? Are you—Oh, Don.”

Leo knelt in front of him, and then reached out, putting his hands on Don’s shoulders. Don slowly raised his head, staring at Leo. He could hear his other family approaching, but all he could do at the moment was stare at Leo.

“I’m sorry, Donnie,” Leo said, his eyes full of compassion. “I didn’t think about that.”

“Think about what?” Mikey said, also kneeling down next to Don and taking his hand. “What’s wrong with Donnie?”

“The Tribunal’s vision,” Leo said, his voice firm. “It showed all of us dying.”

“Aw, shell,” Raph said, also coming to rest beside Don. “No wonder he’s shaking like a leaf.”

“Well, I wonder!” the Ancient One said. “Why is he shaking? Why is he silent and not responding?”

No one said anything, but Splinter came up beside Don, and laid a paw on his head. Don leaned into it, into the reminder that his father was here and alive and whole. He shuddered, still not able to rid his mind of the other images, and let his gaze fall again.

“Two years ago,” Splinter said. “An enemy flung Donatello into a future where the Utrom Shredder had taken over, where I had died, and where his brothers had been injured and were no longer together. He made a plan to take down the Shredder, and they agreed to it. However, the plan cost those three brothers their lives, and he saw them killed and their bodies afterward. This vison has reminded him of that.”

The Ancient One made a startled noise. “And you did not send this kumquat to me?”

Splinter began rubbing Don’s head. “I was not aware. He hid it from us for several months. Or, rather, from what the Utroms told us, he was not able to tell us.” Don could feel Splinter cupping the back of his head, trying to bring comfort. “They called it a trauma response. He was not able to speak of it. His body went silent.”

“Could you help him with that?” Leo asked, even as he kept a steady pressure on Don’s shoulder. Don appreciated it. It helped to keep him grounded, as did Raph pressing close to him from behind, and Mikey massaging his hand with both of his.

Don could hear the Ancient One hum. “Perhaps. I will see. For the moment, I can see that he is in good hands.” There was little bit of shuffling, and then the Ancient One appeared in Don’s sight again. “You. I see you. I see what you would do. Let your family attend to you. Do not suffer in silence. That is foolish! Even if you can’t speak, they are there. Let them help you tonight, and tomorrow we will talk.”

Don’s eyes finally tracked over to land on the old man’s, and he felt a bit of the fog that was around his brain lift, just a bit. He nodded, just slightly. The Ancient One, seemingly satisfied with that, moved away, letting his family take up the space again.

Don shuddered and struggled with the memories and differentiating between reality and memory for the rest of the night. He never said a word, but his family understood nonetheless, gathering around him, his brothers sleeping piled with him. If he had to suffer in silence, then they weren’t going to leave him alone to do it.

And that meant more to Don than he could express, even when he could talk again.