#he thinks he’s the problem but no babyeeee it’s actually me

[ilostthewar]

I think when Simon is seriously considering a long term partner, probably one of the main things he needs to know is that you’ll call him on his shit. He knows he can be an asshole, he knows sometimes his sarcasm comes off mean, sometimes his brooding and personal issues can make him standoffish and snippy. So he needs to know that the person who is prone to being exposed to those parts of him most consistently will tell him when he’s being too much. Will tell him when his tone is too sharp or his words overly cruel, will tell him to get his head together before trying again. Because a lot of the time that’s all he needs. He just needs a moment to organize his thoughts, to put them in an order that he can verbalize, to recognize the emotions he’s feeling and from where.

He’s been told enough time to know that he isn’t his dad. But that doesn’t stop the fact that sometimes he sees his father in himself. In his anger and violence, in all of Simon’s worse habits. He likes to imagine he has channeled those parts of himself into something better, or at least is trying to, but he can never be sure with himself. He never wants to hurt his partner, but it comforts him to know that if he ever missteps you’ll clock that shit immediately. His mom was docile, and he never wanted to be angry with her for it, but he saw what docility did to her, what it did to them. He can’t stand the idea of the person he cares for allowing him to walk over them because they want to keep the peace.

However!!! This also can lead to him being manipulated in ways he doesn’t realize. I think he could be convinced that almost any criticism of his character is valid, especially if it’s coming from someone who is close to him. Tripping over himself to make up for minor mistakes, struggling to atone for any perceived sins. It’s almost like he wants to be punished and when someone is willing to do it under the guise of love I think he could fall into it.