#he thinking 'she's speaking about my cardinal now i have to kill this bitch'

[jamesfrain]

Claire Foy and Mark Rylance as Anne Boleyn and Thomas Cromwell Wolf Hall (2015) | Episode four 'The Devil's Spit'

[hartigays]

big brain thot: wheezie being the one to get rafebarry together👀👀

“wheeze, you can’t just show up here like this.”

she hasn’t even gotten off her bicycle yet, helmet still in place and everything. she looks up at rafe with big eyes, rolling them as slowly and dramatically as humanly possible.

“i just did,” wheezie points out, unclipping her helmet and setting it in the front basket of her bike.

rafe eyes her warily, then relaxes a bit. his eyes flicker back towards the trailer. “how’d you even know i’d be here?”

“topper,” she tells him simply, shrugging.

“topper?”

another overly-dramatic eye roll. “yes, topper. he came by looking for sarah and i asked him if he knew where you were. i need help with something.”

“and topper told you i’d be here?” rafe asks, brows raised.

topper is a lot of things, but is he the type of person to send a kid to a coke dealer’s trailer? no, absolutely not.

“i encouraged him,” wheezie replies, a little too vague for rafe’s liking. he narrows his eyes and she sighs. “fine, i kicked him in the crotch until he gave it up. happy?”

rafe snorts at the mental image.

wheezie finally climbs off her bike, standing in front of rafe with her arms crossed. “so, are you going to help me or not?”

he really doesn’t want to say yes. but he’s sort of always had a soft spot for wheezie - she’s one of two people who don’t make him feel completely homicidal.

(the other is sitting back in the trailer, smoking a joint and watching some boxing match on his old as shit tv. the thing has antennas, for fuck’s sake.)

rafe glances back at the trailer again, then turns back to wheezie, scrubbing a hand over his face. “fine. but you can’t come inside, wheeze, i’m serious.”

“why, because of drugs?” wheezie snorts, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “please. i’m pretty sure you smoked weed in my room when i was like, five.”

“that’s not the point,” rafe huffs, his fuse shortening ever-so-slightly. “just tell me what you want.”

for the first time since her arrival, wheezie looks mildly uncomfortable. she bites her lip, looking towards the treeline.

“i want to learn how to fight,” she says, and her voice sounds so small that rafe sort of feels… bad.

which is like a new milestone or whatever, so this is sort of a big moment for him.

“why do you need to learn how to fight?”

wheezie doesn’t say anything for a long stretch. then, her cheeks get red, and the words burst out of her. “i’m getting picked on at school, alright? this girl keeps saying she’s going to beat me up after class and i can only hide from her for so long, you know?”

rafe is mildly taken aback, never figuring wheezie for the type to get bullied. she always seemed self-assured and well adjusted, with a sizable group of friends and an active social life. for a middle schooler, anyway.

“what’s her name?” rafe asks, indignant on his sister’s behalf.

if he had to choose a sister to be the target of bullying, it’d definitely be sarah. wheezie, on the other hand, is just a kid. and if someone is threatening to kick her ass, rafe sure as hell is going to find out who.

“i’m not telling you her name, rafe,” wheezie says. “i don’t want you going and knocking her door down to threaten her or whatever. i want you to teach me how to fight so i can hold my own.”

rafe would probably just kill the kid, not threaten her, whoever she is. but he doesn’t tell this to wheezie, biting his tongue for once.

he rocks back on his heels, then sighs, and beckons for wheezie to follow him into the trailer.

wheezie throws her arms up as if to say fucking finally, following rafe inside.

barry is still smoking on the couch, but when he sees wheezie trailing after rafe, he has the presence of mind to put the joint out with an awkward cough.

“you gonna tell me who your little friend is, country club?”

“i’m his sister, wheezie,” she says before rafe can speak, rolling her shoulders back and holding barry’s gaze steadily.

“wheezie?” barry repeats, then laughs, wagging his finger in her direction. “you funny, kid.”

wheezie gives rafe a look, clearly judging him for his choice of company.

“jury’s still out on you,” wheezie tells barry, eyeing him.

barry actually throws his head back when he laughs this time, and rafe can’t help but eye the line of his throat, his mouth going a little dry.

the worst part is, wheezie notices him staring. she raises a brow at rafe. he just coughs and looks away, regretting every decision he’s made in the last ten minutes.

“look, she wants to learn how to fight,” rafe tells barry. “i figured two heads would be better than one?”

“or you just a pussy and know you can’t beat nobody’s ass, rafe,” barry says, reclining back on the sofa, staring at him through heavily-lidded eyes.

“neither can you,” rafe reminds him.

always reminding him. where rafe has failed, barry has too. rather consistently, as a matter of fact.

“fair ‘nough,” barry says after a stretch, leaning forward again. “two heads, then.”

wheezie coughs, and they both turn to look at her. she gives them a bored look. “are you two done having a moment? or do you still need a minute? because i can step outside if- ”

“shut up, wheeze,” rafe groans, pushing her towards the couch.

they spend the next hour and a half discussing fighting techniques, and the cardinal rules of fighting. the ones rafe and barry abide by, anyway.

there aren’t many. they spend the majority of the time discussing technique.

when wheezie gets sick of listening to them yammer on about the different types of headlocks, she starts to get restless.

“oh my god, i didn’t come for the rules of fight club, alright? will one of you just show me how to punch this bitch in the face?”

both barry and rafe shut up immediately, barry’s mouth dropping open in mild surprise.

rafe just snorts, mumbling fair enough under his breath.

and that’s how rafe ends up watching barry do some sort of shadow boxing with wheezie in the living room. rafe re-lights the joint, watching the scene before him in amusement.

“no, kid, you ain’t gotta do all that fancy shit with your legs,” barry is saying at one point, then demonstrates some sort of kick for her.

rafe forgets sometimes that barry has military training, and despite the fact that he gets his ass beat on a regular basis, he’s a pretty damn good teacher.

the joint is long gone by the time wheezie looks at her watch, cursing.

“shit. rose is gonna kill me,” wheezie mutters, fumbling for her phone.

“just tell her you’re staying at a friend’s,” rafe suggests. “it’s too dark for you to bike back anyway.”

“you could always drive me, you know,” wheezie reminds him. then, her eyes flicker down to what’s left of the joint (basically, the filter) and backtracks. “well, he could.”

she’s pointing at barry, and barry shrugs.

rafe, however, finds himself wanting wheezie to stay. dare he say it, he might’ve actually missed his sister.

he’s pretty sure he’ll regret it later, but regardless he says, “we’ll get you something to eat and you can crash here if you’re too tired to go home after.”

something to eat ends up being freezer-burnt pizza rolls, but wheezie doesn’t complain. she eats her food while scrolling through her phone, glancing up at rafe and barry every now and then.

they’re conversing quietly about a drug deal they have set up later, a big one. rafe doesn’t think wheezie is listening, but he also doesn’t notice the way she keeps glancing up at them, her eyes flickering between them with an unreadable look on her face.

and then, out of nowhere, “are you guys dating?”

rafe looks at her sharply and he sees barry do the same out of the corner of his eye. barry’s mouth had shut so quickly that his teeth clacked together, and rafe can see him rubbing at his jaw.

“what the hell, wheeze?”

wheezie raises her hands in mock-surrender, but still rolls her eyes. “it’s just a question, geez. but thanks for the answer.”

“the fuck is she talkin’ about?” barry asks, his gaze flickering between rafe and wheezie.

“you two,” wheezie explains slowly, looking almost bored. again. rafe is starting to think he’s had a bad influence on her. “you’re dating, right? like that’s why you’re always here, right?”

the latter question is directed towards rafe, and he feels his stupid cheeks betray him, burning red.

“oh, right. you’re men, of course you haven’t talked about it,” wheezie sighs, then stands up and brushes invisible crumbs off her shorts. “well, i conveniently have to use the bathroom, so. use this time wisely, i guess?”

then wheezie disappears from the small kitchen, leaving rafe and barry sitting in thick, palpable silence.

“so… what the fuck just happened?” rafe asks when he can’t take the uncomfortable silence any longer, pointedly not looking at barry.

when barry shifts in his seat, rafe can feel it, and he realizes all at once just how close they’re sitting.

“she thinks… “ barry trails off, shifting in his seat again.

“that we’re dating,” rafe finishes, swallowing around the golf ball-sized lump that has mysteriously appeared in his throat.

rafe can feel barry looking at him. he can feel the heat of his gaze, and wow, wheezie is taking a really long time in the bathroom.

“that what we been doing, country club?” barry asks, and rafe looks over at him so quickly that his neck pops.

rafe searches barry’s face for any trace of humor, but comes up empty.

they’ve been practically living together for months, ever since rafe gave up trying to please ward and joined barry’s little side business. and if he really thinks about it, they have lapsed into something almost nauseatingly domestic.

it’s like. like rafe’s been in this weird, fucked up relationship this whole time, and he’s just now realizing it. and realizing, at the same time, that he doesn’t want it to end now that wheezie has gutted them both and laid everything out in the open, where neither of them can hide.

jesus fucking christ, is he in love with barry? barry the drug dealer?

well, rafe supposes that’s what he would call himself now, too, so. maybe it makes some sort of sense after all.

“i don’t think so, but i think we should now,” rafe finally says. he doesn’t know why he says that last bit, it just sort of slips out before he realizes what he’s saying.

but he doesn’t take it back either.

barry is too quiet next to him. the silence goes on for far too long, and rafe is starting to debate internally whether or not he should dump wheezie’s body in the swamp or somewhere off shore.

finally, barry speaks. “startin’ to think you may be onto somethin’, rafe cameron.”

“so is that a yes?” rafe huffs, already feeling exposed enough as it is. he doesn’t need barry speaking in shades of gray.

suddenly, there are fingers wrapping around his jaw, gentler than rafe would’ve anticipated, and then barry is turning rafe’s head and kissing him.

like, really kissing him. rafe feels like he’s being turned inside out, his insides shifting and adjusting, rearranging and adapting to make room for barry.

it’s not a particularly long kiss, but it’s sure as hell the best one rafe has experienced in his life.

“they teach you that in the army?” rafe asks when barry pulls away, aiming for nonchalant but failing due to the heavy rise and fall of his chest. and the fact that he can’t stop staring at barry’s mouth.

barry just smacks the back of rafe’s head, shoving him lightly. “get the fuck out my kitchen, country club.”

rafe is about to respond when the bathroom door opens, and wheezie pokes her head out.

“ugh, thank god you’re finally done. you should invest in a bathroom fan, you know,” wheezie tells barry, “i could literally hear everything.”

she shudders and gags, barry laughs, and rafe vaults himself out the nearest window.

well, he tries to. barry catches him by the waist easily, dragging him back into his seat. wheezie just rolls her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“okay, well, since you’re done being a drama queen, i think i’d like that ride home now.”

[godofsexdrugsandrocknroll]

Jaune’s Father: “Walk the walk Jaune and talking the talk will come natural”

Jaune: *Stunned by Pyrrha kissing him*

Pyrrha: *About to shove Jaune in the rocket locker*

Jaune: *Feels Pyrrha’s hands on his chest, misinterprets and shoves his tongue down Pyrrha’s throat*

Pyrrha: *Eyes open in shock* MMMMPPPHHH!!!!! *Flustered by her naughtiest dreams coming true*

Jaune: *Enjoying the kiss, grabs and squeezes Pyrrha’s asscheeks*

Pyrrha: *Squeals, tries to push Jaune off*

Jaune: *Thinking Pyrrha’s about to push him into the locker and run off to die, panics*

Pyrrha: *Pyrrha’s brain shuts down as Jaune’s thigh rubs against her core, loses the ability to stand upright*

Jaune: *Spins, pushes a dazed Pyrrha in the locker and sets it off*

Pyrrha: *Already three hundred feet from Jaune* W-what, no! No! NOOOO!!! *Incredibly angry* Gosh flipping darnit girl, you l-let him get you all riled up and now he’s going to get himself killed!

----------------- 

Jaune: *In an elevator* This is officially the stupidest idea you’ve ever had! Even worse than the stuff with Cardin, worse than the Deathstalker, worse than the time you took the blame for Coral breaking the window and somehow, someway, worse than the time you let Saphron put you in a dress, do your makeup and practice kissing a ‘girl’!

Elevator: *Shakes ominously*

Jaune: *Pale* I mean you just had your first real kiss with a girl, you felt her ass up and holy gods does Pyrrha have a nice, tight, big one, you’re still hard as diamonds and instead of running from the school that literally had a hole burnt through it by some kind of fucking firebreathing Grimm abomination, you go in! *Elevator goes into freefall*

Elevator: *Jaune’s screams replace screeching metal, crashes*

Jaune: *Climbs out, unharmed but aura has shattered* There’s got to be a limit, Jaune! Sure I turned Pyrrha to putty in my hands but that should not translate into running headfirst into certain death! Stupid Dad and his stupid advice! *Is hit in the head by a cane* Fucking ow! What the shit!?

*Witnesses Ozpin firing a gout of emerald fire that clashes with two huge streams of fire from the hot Haven girls hands*

Jaune: Oh what the fuck. And here I thought walking the walk was gonna be cool. Stupid Pyrrha. *Ducks underneath a scintillating jade orb thrown by Ozpin which vaporizes the elevator leaving nothing behind, in a falsetto* ‘Oh I’ll just kiss him and he’ll be so surprised and then I’ll shove him in a locker and go do something that’ll probably get myself killed. Teehee!’ *Breathes out* Not that I’m doing any better. The hot but apparently crazy Haven chick can fucking fly and - is that a tornado, ohhhh I’m gonna die - and Ozpin’s...

*Sees Amber*

Jaune: Is going to go to prison because this is a sex dungeon. Okay, Okay, you’re cool. Sure it was unanimously decided Pyrrha was going into the singles portion of the tournament and you nearly broke your neck twice getting down here, but something tells me sad Pyrrha has something to do with this. *Pauses* Which makes me wanna punch Ozpin, but question the pedo headmaster after you help!

*Sees Ozpin get a glass spear through the left lung*

Jaune: *Quickly* Or not. Okay, she’s monologuing, that’s good. Sneak, sneak, sneak-sneak-sneak. Blah, blah, magic? Really lady? Add delusional on top of crazy. Just get in closer, give her a nice kick to the ass and Ozpin will use his weird green themed semblance to obliterate her. *Hears Pyrrha mentioned* Ignore the urge to kick the dying sicko in the nuts, just focus on hurting the crazy chick who was apparently gonna kill my sorta-kinda-maybe girlfriend. Just nice, slowly, easily, quietleee-- *trips over his shoelace* --EEEEEEYYYOOOOPPPP!!!

Cinder: *Coughs wetly, stares at the sword sticking through her chest* H-how...?

*Cinder falls on top of Ozpin, her body crushed between the Headmasters and the shellshocked Jaune’s*

Ozpin: *Confused and dying* Mr. Arc?

Jaune: *High pitched* IswearIonlymeanttokickherintheasssoyoucouldfinishhereoff!

Ozpin: *Coughs* I believe you. Unfortunately it was not to be. You pierced her straight through the heart.

Jaune: I didn’t mean to?

Ozpin: And in doing so you’ve saved miss Nikos from a terribly cruel fate.

Jaune: Oh. That’s good. I’m pretty sure that if she hadn’t tried to shove me in that stupid rocket locker there’s at least a 50% chance Pyrrha would’ve jumped my bones, Grimm invasion or not.

Ozpin: *Groans in dismay* Only to quite possibly doom yourself to one.

Jaune: *Suddenly at full attention* You say what now?

Ozpin: You’ve stabbed me as well. *Sees Jaune about to speak* You’ve stabbed my other lung, young man.

Jaune: I-I’m sorry?

Ozpin: Not yet you aren’t. Usually when I reincarnate it’s some unlucky, random bastard. But you’ve imprinted on me.

Jaune: What.

Ozpin: I’m an immortal wizard who, when he dies, his soul and consciousness along with all his memories are transferred into a new man’s preexisting body.

Jaune: *Panicking* I don’t want you in my head, headmaster! On the off chance you’re not just a nasty pedophile, I really don’t want you in my head! I don’t think you wanna be there either! *Ozpin doesn’t respond* Professor? *Still nothing* Headmaster! *Ozpin is dead, Jaune* Ozpin you old fuck, don’t you dare, I don’t wanna hear your voice when I’m deep dicking my hot redheaded partner!

Ozpin: *Body explodes into green motes of light which Jaune inhales*

Jaune: AAAHHH, I DON’T CONSET, I DON’T CONSENT!

----------------- 

Pyrrha: *Bringing dat ass back, clapping his groin* Oh Jaune, oh gods yes I love it, I love your cock so-s-s-so much! *Twists and twirls her booty on his cock* Oh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum agaaaaaiiinn!!

Jaune: *Going hard, closing in*

Pyrrha: Oh yes, please, harder, I’m gonna cum all over that delicious Arc meat again and o-o-oh shit, fuck yes Jaune, fill your slutty Nikos bitch up with your hot jizz!

Ozpin: *Mentally* She’d be cumming harder if you did what I suggested.

Jaune: *Mentally, trying to focus on Pyrrha’s voice and the image of her* Shut up. This is me time you parasite and I don’t care how long you’ve lived, I don’t need advice from the guy who’s ex is out to end the world.

Ozpin: *Mentally* I’m just saying, miss Nikos is a natural born sub. Placing your foot on her head and giving her what I’m telling you she absolutely wants by degrading her, lambasting her the way she does herself and I guarantee you the rewards will be worth it. I know you’ve been eying her anus for quite some time now, give her what she wants--

Jaune: *Mentally, pushes in deeper which makes Pyrrha wail* I knew I couldn’t trust you to shut up! ‘Oh no, the time you spend with miss Nikos will be your own, I’m just an old soul here to help you fight my batshit crazy ex’ and now you’re trying to live vicariously through me! *Eyes widen as Pyrrha spreads her cheeks, lying facefirst on the bed and moaning*

Ozpin: *Mentally, smugly* Oh of course. You certainly don’t want advice from a man who has slept with literally thousands of women. She’s cumming, by the way.

Pyrrha: Ooooohhhh gods, yesyesyesyesyesyesyes I’m fucking cummiiiiiinnnngggg!!!!!!!!! Fuck, fuck, fuuuu~uuuck you’re so fucking gooooood!!!!!

Jaune: *Cumming his brains out*

Ozpin: *Mentally* Good to see you plan on following my advice next round, Jaune. If you feel like paying me back, you could always just tell Pyrrha that you’ve gone through my memories and developed a taste for hardcore, mistress of pain BDSM.

Jaune: *Mentally, lying on Pyrrha’s pronebone body, still inside as they both recover* This is all Dad’s fault. No amount of badass magic is worth this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

I wanted one of these to have the advice backfire while still working and while I thought about it being an eventual Raven Jaune’s Father, I realized Pyrrha offered the best opportunity ever in the form of Ozpin, the unwanted and overly friendly brain ghost.

Hopefully any hardcore Arkos fans reading this don’t mind this one being the lewder, screwier one.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

tapestry 👑 XVII

Warnings: eventual dark elements (tags to be added as fic continues)

This is dark!(king)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: King Steven had a wandering eye but you never thought it would fall upon you.

This Chapter: The trial continues.

Note: What’s up all my thot-lovers and barnacles bitches. 💋 😉 We’re still watching some shit unfold here and this trial is gonna get unreallll. But I’m excited to keep going and to have something to feed you thirsty thirsty ho. Just a little longer... erm, I don’t know exactly how long tho.

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply! Love ya!

masterlist

In the days following King T'Challa's testimony, several witnesses were placed on the stand. Though their authenticity was questionable, they were heard with the same silent awe as the first to speak.

Prince Loki had brought a physician from Asgard who had served the royal family since his father, Odin's, reign. He swore to have examined Eleanor before she was sent away to the marry Steven and had found her virtue broken, though the document presented did attribute this to unknown but surely innocent circumstances. What else could he have written when the king's signature would seal the declaration?

Next, a chamber maid who served Eleanor when she was a princess still. The woman had no papers or letters to present and if she did, she'd not have known their contents. 

She stated that Eleanor doted upon her betrothed and spoke of her future as queen with girlish cheer. That she did blush when the prince's name arose. That the princess did divulge that she had "surrendered her heart and body" to him and that she did speak of them as husband and wife already.

Ellis presented several more documents provided by Asgard and its royal prince. A copy of the original betrothal, several letters which upheld its validity over the years between Odin and T'Chaka. 

And the most damning, a letter in Eleanor's hand addressed to her mother written after her departure to marry Steven. In it, she spoke of her lingering feelings for the other prince and her hesitation to marry the second. Though she did not question the union outright, her youthful fears were presented as knowing deception.

You watched, barely able to conceal your despair. The pit deepened in your stomach as you watched the queen stand before her accusers and her judges, head held high despite all she faced. You knew you could never be her; you could never face anything so terrible as such and indomitable force. She hadn’t slipped since her first day on trial. Her shoulders remained still, her figure straight, head held high.

And when the issue of Eleanor’s marital fealty was thoroughly dissected, the court turned its attention to the accusations of treason. On the fifth day, Lord Ellis called forth Ladies Mabel and Diana. Mabel was first, her face drawn and sullen. She was led to the stand as Ellis asked her to tell the truth and nothing more. Marion bent her head as she began to pray quietly beside you.

“Lady Mabel,” Ellis began as he looked up from the podium. “How long did you serve Eleanor of Asgard?”

“Near five years now, my lord,” Mabel answered in a small voice. 

“Mmm,” He looked down and his eyes roved over his notes. “And it was her who did request that the king arrange your marriage to Lord Wilson?”

“It was.” She replied as she brought her hands together before her. “The queen always did see her ladies married well.”

“So you would say she was generous? She has sewn no ill-will between you?”

“I would say that,” Her voice quavered and she looked behind her to the audience. She stared at her husband as a hush took over the court. “She was ever kind to me and all the ladies.”

“All her ladies?” Ellis nodded and flicked the corner of a page with his thumb. “Every single one?”

“Well…” Mabel’s voice trailed off.

“To return to my previous point, as she was so courteous, you would have no reason to speak unkindly of her would you, to lie about her for any reason?”

“No, I w-would not,” She looked to the queen and gulped. Eleanor stared at the dimming window. “I wouldn’t lie, my lord.”

“And so when you say she was kind to all her ladies, would you include in that one Lady Y/N?” You fidgeted at the mention of your name. You hid your face as you listened.

“I only ever saw the queen treat her well.” Mabel said.

“Even as she did meddle with the lady’s saddle on a hunt this past autumn?” Ellis suggested.

Mabel was silent. She gripped the podium before her and hung her head. She did not respond.

“Lady Mabel?” Ellis urged and Mabel shook her head. “Were you aware that Eleanor of Asgard did arrange for this lady to have a wild horse and an altered saddle that day?”

Mabel sniffed and didn’t move. The court waited as her shoulders began to shake. She nodded at last. You could hear her weeping.

“Lady Mabel, you must answer aloud so that the clerk may record your response.” Ellis chided.

“Yes…” She spoke softly at first and lifted her head. She gulped harshly and cleared her throat as she wiped away her tears. “Yes, I did know.”

“And how was it that you knew of the queen’s ploy?”

“She told me of it.” Her voice threatened to crack as she wrung her hands.

“When did she tell you of it?”

“After...after the incident.”

“What incident?” 

“The one in which the lady was thrown from her horse,” The tears bubbled again and Mabel hiccuped. “She didn’t mean her any harm. She didn’t. She only meant to frighten her.”

“And did you ever know Eleanor of Asgard to have any ill intent for anyone else?” Ellis asked.

“I…” Mabel couldn’t answer as she sobbed.

“Did she ever wish harm upon her husband, perhaps?”

Another sob. “I… Only…”

“You may tell the court. You will not be punished for your honesty.” Ellis coaxed. “Did she ever devise any other schemes? Against her own husband?”

Mabel was quaking. She could barely form words as her body rattled. “She… she… she did… send… poison to the king….” She spoke so quietly and yet you heard her clearly, as did the entire audience. 

“And how do you know it was her?” Ellis led her as he leaned on his podium eagerly.

“She… told… me.” Mabel swayed as she clutched her hands together. The queen pushed her shoulders back.

“And why should she tell you that?” Ellis wondered.

“Because she told me everything. Because…” She gasped. “Because… she was…my friend.”

“And did she tell you of why it was she would do such a thing? Of why she would conspire to kill her own husband?”

“Sh-she hated him,” Mabel stuttered. “She said so very often and when he came to her as a husband did, she did deny him because… she could not stand to lay--to lay next to him.” Her voice squeaked and she shuddered as she covered her tear-stained cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

She kept her face buried as she repeated the words over and over. She shook so much you were sure she would collapse. The court was deathly and still. Shadows fell over the figures at the centre of the scene as the sun began its descent.

“Please, take the lady away. She is much overwhelmed,” Ellis feigned concern as he touched his chest. “I think that is quite enough, Lady Mabel.”

You looked to the box where the king sat. Steven’s eyes were bright as he watched a guard escort Mabel from the stand. He leaned over to T’Challa who turned to whisper in his ear. Prince Loki did not betray his thoughts as he looked down his long nose. You were startled however to find that he looked upon you. His cheeks twitched as if he would smirk before he drew his attention away.

“If the cardinals and your highnesses should allow it, I should think a brief recess would be in order.” Ellis intoned. “And we shall have our final witness of the day thereafter.”

“I should think it a wise idea,” The cardinal who seemed the leader of the party agreed as he rubbed his large stomach. “A day such as this has been most taxing.”

The royals nodded in approval and Ellis announced the recess. No one moved until the queen was led from her podium and out the side door. You watched her go, her steps as long and certain as any day she had sat the throne. 

You looked away as the door closed behind her. King Steven was the first to rise and the entire chamber was upon their feet within second. He searched between the bodies until his gaze fell upon you and he gave a slight nod. You did not look away; could not for you feared what should happen if you were to offend him. If you were to fall from his favour.

Surely, if these were the consequences for a queen, you could not meet any better.

👑

You were due for another day on the bench. You were tired and did not relish any further testimony. You found it hard not to think of Mabel and her distraught confessions. And Diana who followed with a similar display. Both had implicated their queen and friend, though both those titles would seem to have been relinquished.

You walked with your father. He had come to you early that morning to deliver a letter from the king. You had been want to set it aside and continue to the court if only to have it done with. He did not allow your delay and reproached you until you opened it. He read it after you did and grinned at the king’s still infatuated words. You smiled if only to conceal your distress.

As you swept through the halls beside him, you were quiet. You let him rant until he was silent and clung to the lull of his words. You did not dare fuel his lectures of your future; more importantly, of his. There would be much talking that day, as there was every day.

You turned the corner and came upon another pair in the hall. You nearly faltered as you recognized the dark-haired prince of Asgard and his burly guard just behind him. He stood with his eyes upon a large hanging. As you came upon him, you curtsied and your father bowed. Prince Loki did not look away from the map painted on elk skin.

“Lord Willis,” He said without a glance. “My lady. I assume you are upon the same path as me.”

“We are, your grace,” Your father answered and you tried not to squirm at his weaselly tone. 

“Oh, but they do always find reason to delay, so why hurry?” He mused. “Do you see these mountains?” He pointed to the skin.

“I do, your grace,” Your father turned to look alongside the prince. You peeked over his shoulder but did not near the Asgardian.

“Do you know of their history?” He asked. “Of who does claim them?”

“Why, your grace, I do see that they bear the crest of King Steven and his ancestors on this map.” Your father answered diligently.

“Upon this map, yes,” The prince smirked and you squinted at the pointed range upon the skin. “But not every map.”

“Your grace, is that not The Beak?” You ventured. “The mountains that house your ancestral temples? Those carved by the unblessed?”

He slowly turned his head, at last looking away from the map. He grinned as he stepped back and approached you. “The lady is right. Well-educated, I assume. And do you know then the answer to my first question?”

“The mountains are claimed by many; our people, yours, and those of Wakanda.” You replied. “Though for how many times they have changed hands, it cannot be said to who they belong.”

He nodded and lifted a brow. “Clever lady, indeed. You do prove the rumours true. At least those ones.”

“Rumours?” You repeated.

“I do know of you, my lady,” He affirmed. “And your alleged part in my purpose here.”

“And you would believe the whispers of a court you are unfamiliar with?” You blinked and pressed your lips together before you righted yourself. “Your grace.”

“I do not, but I know there is truth beneath each lie, merely contorted and exaggerated for effect,” He swept a strand of his dark hair back. “And the same can be said of the truth. That it can be bent to fit our needs.”

“Perhaps,” You said evenly as your father returned to your side.

“The line between truth and falsity is thin and not so firm as we should like it,” Loki reflected. “As many lines which constrain us prove to be.” He lifted his chin and looked down at you. “Shall we walk together then? Since we do seek the same destination?”

“As you wish, your grace,” Your father answered keenly but the prince didn’t so much as look at him. You bowed your head in ascent and Loki turned to walk beside you.

“Your grace, are you enjoying your visit?” Your father cajoled.

“As much as I can, given its purpose,” The prince said dully. 

You walked silently between them as they continued their courtly dialogue. The forced amiability of politicians. You did not miss the prince’s green eyes as they peeked at you. You ignored him and carried on. He must have loathed you for your role in his sister’s current circumstance, though he seemed happy enough to sit and watch it unfold.

“Well, my lord, it seems I must be away,” The prince turned as you came upon the doors to the courtroom. “I have lingered far too long. My lady,” He smiled again as he looked to you. “It was… an intriguing meeting. As brief as it was.” He stood straight and resumed his usual cool stature, “Take care.”

You watched him go and took a deep breath as he disappeared through the door. Your father squinted at you as you crossed your arms. He kept away from the other lords and ladies who waited without.

“You do not like the prince?” He asked.

“I haven’t reason not to,” You said. “I find him… cordial enough.”

“But you do seem perturbed by him.” Your father insisted.

“I do find it hard not to wonder how he can be so jaunty as he watches his sister face such an unfortunate ordeal.” You countered. “How he can let his sister stay silent as she is faced with such accusations..”

“His sister did refuse his aid,” Your father lowered his voice and beckoned you away from the crowd. “The Prince and his kingly brother did come with an offer. If she would admit to her crimes, she would be met with exile. Upon their bearing and that of her name, she would walk away to isolation and a slight taint.”

You frowned and stared dumbly at your father.

“But she does insist upon her innocence and if she cannot prove it, then she will face whatever fate the See decides upon.” You father shrugged. “So is the lot of a woman who cannot mind her place.”

“Is it?” You growled.

“It is,” He smirked at you sourly. “On women who would try to outpace a king; who would toy with him and deny his will.” You bristled as he stepped closer. “Remember this, daughter. Remember that if you should fall, we will all fall with you.”

“But you could’ve never risen without me,” You rebutted.

“And we will not remain unless you appease him,” Your father hissed. “So keep him happy and we’ll all be content.” His nostrils flared as he scowled. “And we might just keep our heads long enough to revel in it.”

Your father drew away suddenly and looked over your head. He smiled and you turned to follow his gaze. Lord Ellis and several other council members approached. You stepped back as you were quickly forgotten.

“My lords,” Your father greeted. “I see you are well this day.”

You backed away and shook your head at your father’s act. He was truly repulsive. You joined the other ladies who waited along the wall and clasped your hands together. Even if he was entirely false, your father had played the game well. He knew the court and its deceits better than any. And he was right. 

The only way to save yourself was to keep King Steven happy.

[medea10]

My Review of Rent-A-Girlfriend

How did I get into this anime? Let’s just say due to a few websites I frequent around decided to be little whore-ish, I became curious by this particular title. Let’s just say they were mentioning this one at least every other day prior to the premier. So out of natural curiosity and knowing nothing of what I’m getting into, I decided to add another Friday anime to my watch list. I guess Fridays are my busy day for watching anime!

Kazuya Kinoshita is a 20 year old college student. Life seems to be going well for him until his girlfriend decides to dump him.

Not even 30 seconds into this anime and this sad-sack gets dumped!

SERIOUSLY! 18 SECONDS! NEW FRIGGIN’ RECORD!!!

So after Kazuya gets dumped, he ends up on a website and before you know it, he’s made arrangements to go on a date with a rented girlfriend! Yes, these are very much a thing. You can go to a website and pay a woman to go on a date with you. Apparently, Japan has a lot of these services and it does get a little ewwie with it so I’m gonna move on with the synopsis.

The girl he ends up going out with is named Chizuru Ichinose. The first date seemed to be going well, but Kazuya felt off by this girl. He just thought Chizuru was just playing with her clients hearts, plus he’s still a little heart-broken from his previous girlfriend, so he gives her a bad review. So when they go on their second date, Chizuru’s cutesy, sweet act is replaced with someone who is tempermental and sassy.

Just then, Kazuya gets word his grandmother collapsed!

I know it’s weird in the synopsis, but just go with it!

With word of his grandmother in the hospital, Kazuya ends up taking Chizuru to the hospital with him. Turns out Kazuya’s family jumped to the obvious conclusion that this girl is his girlfriend and they went nuts. Mostly at the fact that their son actually got a cute girlfriend! Add another layer of WTF to this cake, Chizuru’s grandmother is in this exact, same hospital as Kazuya’s grandmother. And both ladies are over the moon that these two are dating (even though that’s far from the truth). Chizuru hasn’t even told her family that she’s working at Rent-a-Waifu! Well, let’s just break things off and let the family down easy.

Oh, look! They both go to the same university. Oh look! They’re also next door neighbors. I smell shenanigans!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: At this moment, the only one streaming this series is Crunchyroll. A few weeks into the premier, Crunchyroll started airing a dub. As for the sub, this is my first time really listening to the main lead’s seiyuu, Shun Horie. But the rest of the cast has a nice mixture of memorable voices like Aoi Yuuki, Rie Takahashi, Sora Amamiya, Gakuto Kajiwara…oh fuck!

DAMMIT ASTA, STOP HAUNTING MY EAR-DRUMS!

As for the dub, Crunchyroll is currently publishing an episode once a week. The dub is just okay in my opinion, really nothing to write home about. The only thing I can say is that Aleks Le did a fairly-decent job voicing Kazuya. After voicing Zenitsu last year, he’s got a knack for voicing wimpy twats. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Kazuya is played by Shun Horie

*Chizuru is played by Sora Amamiya (known for Toka on Tokyo Ghoul, Aqua on Konosuba, Miia on Monster Musume, Akame on Akame ga Kill, Elizabeth on Seven Deadly Sins, and Yachiyo on Magia Record)

*Mami is played by Aoi Yuuki (known for Iris on Pokemon BW, Madoka on Madoka Magica, Kayo on ERASED, Yuuki on SAO II, Tatsumaki on One Punch Man, Tamaki on Fire Force, and Kinako on Inazuma Eleven GO)

*Ruka is played by Nao Touyama (known for Chitoge on Nisekoi, Koga on Bunny Girl Senpai, Nii on Blue Exorcist, Akira on Kono Oto Tomare, Momo onAi Tenchi Muyo

ENGLISH CAST: *Kazuya is played by Aleks Le (known for Zenitsu on Demon Slayer and Ake on Shield Hero)

*Chizuru is played by Lizzie Freeman (known for Cardinal on SAO: Alicization, Iwanaga on In/Spectre, Trish on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 5, and Felicia on Magia Record)

*Mami is played by Laura Stahl (known for Ray on The Promised Neverland)

*Ruka is played by Sarah Williams (known for Sayaka on Madoka Magica, Felix on Re:Zero, Nonon on Kill la Kill, Mirai on Boruto, Lisbeth on SAO, and Puck on Berserk 2016)

DISLIKED CHARACTER: And now, a poem…

Roses are red Mami’s a cunt…

That’s the poem.

SHIPPING: I can honestly say I didn’t expect the Rent-a-Girlfriend and the Ex-Bitch to meet each other in the second episode. Even after going on a few dates with Chizuru, Kazuya still finds himself “beating his meat” to the thought of his ex, Mami. Only for the girls to beat your meat to change places just a few episodes later!

Oh yes, it’s that kind of series! Kazuya jacks off quite a bit.

Kazuya x Chizuru: At times it feels like Kazuya is really falling for Chizuru for who she really is and not the façade she puts up as a rental girlfriend. But I guess the number of awkward setups and situations these two have been thrown in throughout the series can do that to Kazuya. I mean, how else do you expect Kazuya jacking it off to Chizuru when he’s trying to think of his ex?! Yeah, he’s lied to his family, Chizuru’s grandmother, and all of his friends about this relationship and this relationship is as fake as a three-dollar bill. But there are a few genuine moments that show these two care for each other. Kazuya was ballsy enough to jump off a moving boat to save Chizuru when she fell overboard. And Kazuya felt concerned when Chizuru was thinking about leaving the rental girlfriend profession. Though that could be Kazuya being a pathetic sack of shit and wanting to continue this farce relationship and paying a girl for some attention! It’s so hard to say something kind about Kazuya wanting this relationship to work. But for what it’s worth, I like the farce ship better than the next thing I’m going to speak about.

Kazuya x Mami: I don’t like this bitch and I hate this ship. From the get-go you go in hating this succubus. And when we see her again in episode 2, bitches be bitches! Getting drunk in a public setting and making fun of Kazuya not being man enough for her (in the sexual sense). Then, we get Mami trying to go home with Kazuya when Chizuru is gone. But we don’t stop there, she’s trying at every opportunity to make Kazuya drop everything and fall in love with her again. She’s the one that dumped him, but can’t stand seeing Kazuya with anyone else (no matter the awkward circumstances). It’s clear that Mami has severe jealousy issues. I mean, Chizuru is prettier and nicer than Mami. Meanwhile, Mami is a manipulative scum-wad with the charm of a poisonous snake.

Kazuya x Ruka: Ruka was a rental girlfriend from a different agency and was on a double date with Kazuya, Chizuru, and Kazuya’s idiot friend that sounds like Asta. But due to several misunderstandings between Kazuya and Ruka, turns out Kazuya is the only man to get her heart rate up. So Ruka cuts ties with the idiot friend who hired her and has set sights on Kazuya. And she will fight for her man no matter what. She’s even ballsy enough to interrupt Kazuya’s family celebration of New Years by coming in like an asteroid to fuck things up. At this point in the series, Kazuya’s grandmother is dead-set on him marrying Chizuru. Any other girl is shit compared to her! But Ruka will continue to do her thing. Even applying to the same job that Kazuya works at!

Kazuya x Sumi! You expect me to say something about this? They had one bleeping date! And she’s barely seen outside of the opening and ending themes. If there’s more interactions in season two, holla back at me because this ain’t happening. Although, I’ll support the fuck out of this ship over Kazuya x Mami!

BIG SIMPIN’: So being an older millennial (or X-ennial as I’m currently classified under), I am not hip to the lingo of these youngins. Because of Kazuya, the internet uproared by calling him a phrase known as a “simp”. Well, I don’t want to seem like some out-of-touch boomer. So I’m just going to look up this “simp” term and see if this is legitimate. Let’s see what the Slang-tionary says.

“Simp is a slang insult for men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women, especially out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them.”

Okay. I think it’s time for the rap interlude of this review.

I don't know what you heard about him But a bitch will get every dollar out of him No cherry-poppin’ as you can see That he’s a motherfucking S-I-M-P

ENDING: Being a rental girlfriend isn’t something Chizuru wants to do, but this gives her practice in what she really wants to do, which is become an actor. And as of recently, Chizuru has been thinking about quitting the rental girlfriend agency. So what would happen if Chizuru quit being a rental girlfriend? That’s a question for another day and another season!

So only a few people have learned about Kazuya and Chizuru’s relationship being the most complicated farce in anime history. Halfway into the series with Ruka’s introduction, she caught on about Chizuru being a rental girlfriend. And because of that incident, Kazuya decided to come clean to his idiot friend, Shun. When Shun hired Ruka to be his rental girlfriend, dude was on top of the world. But when Ruka exposed what he did in front of Kazuya, Shun got severely depressed. Kazuya decides to pay for Chizuru to take Shun out on a date. That’s when Shun finds out that Kazuya hired Chizuru after Mami dumped him.

You know what? I have to spring this up! How long did you think Kazuya was going to hide the rental girlfriend thing to his friends? He’s friends with a bunch of stinkin’ virgins. Lonely, stinkin’ virgins! Plus, if Chizuru is rated #1 on a Google search for top rental girlfriends (as it was established in episode 10), I’m surprised no one else caught on, including the grandmothers. Kazuya’s grandmother is constantly playing on her smart phone. Shun is on the internet all the time. I’m surprised there isn’t an annoying pop-up ad in Japanese Google that would flash at them at any point saying, “Meet legal Japanese chicks in your area” redirecting them to the rental girlfriend website. Followed by giving you a gnarly computer virus!

Well, we’re 10 episodes in a 12 episode series. Why not finally introduce the fourth girl that we’ve been seeing in the opening and ending themes all season?! Chizuru asked Kazuya for a favor to go out with the new rental girlfriend at the agency to help boost her confidence. Enter, Sumi! The best way to describe this silent, moe-blob is a less busty version of Mikuru Asahina. Kazuya and Sumi’s date went over somewhat okay. Kazuya saved Sumi from a bunch of thugs. And while Sumi was silent throughout the entire date, she managed to squeak out a thank you at the end. So not a bad date, right?

Unfortunately, during the date, Mami saw them and trailed them. And it went down just as you would imagine! Mami confronts Kazuya, Kazuya comes up with some bullshit lie to Mami, Sumi is still silent, and Mami is up to no good after she leaves.

Because Mami learned Sumi’s full name, she went to the internet to find a profile or something on a social network. That’s when Mami learned that not only Sumi was a rental girlfriend, but Chizuru as well. It’s not so bad that Shun knows about Chizuru, but if Mami finds out, game over. Game over, Kazuya! So what happens next?

Mami catfished Chizuru by calling her out for a date using the rental girlfriend website! Then they go to the karaoke bar Kazuya works at for their “date”.

GAME OVER KAZUYA! GAME OVER! You lost all 5 lives. Please return to world 1 and may God have mercy on your simpin’ ass!

Kazuya watched their date from a distance (and this time he didn’t get caught eavesdropping like the last time he followed Chizuru). And after a cute mention of the singers to the opening and ending theme to the series, Mami and Chizuru end their date with an exchanging of words. All this proved is that Mami is still a jealous bitch with a dead look in her eyes and Chizuru likes Kazuya. We think! Either Chizuru meant what she said to Mami or she’s a really good actress. When Chizuru came back to the apartment complex, Kazuya met her outside and thanked her for what she said to Mami followed by a confession.

Ah yes, a confession of love! As the credits roll, we see flashbacks of the past 12 episodes and end the series on a cute note and a possible opening to an OVA and we can end from…

Oh wait, there’s more!

Kazuya says he wants Chizuru to continue being his rental girlfriend. Because he knows she’s planning on quitting the rental girlfriend business! So he smooths that over! Both played this off with a wary poker face, but behind closed doors, they are sweating bullets.

OH, and season two has been green-lit. Fabulous!

This anime was addicting to watch. I don’t know if it was as addicting as Uzaki-chan. Then again, I picked to watch Rent-a-Girlfriend over Uzaki-chan. But this was an addicting train-wreck! Watching this dumbass try to fool his family and friends that he really was able to get a cute girlfriend for a full year! How the hell could anyone fall for that mess? People still watched this dumpster fire of a relationship right, so why bitch about the stupidity of Simpy McSimperson over here? I am glad we’re getting a second season because we really didn’t get a chance to see much of Sumi. I know she’s no contender when you put her next to the great Chizuru, but good golly, give this girl some screentime aside from the one episode she got. They made her seem like she was going to be a big player in this anime, but only getting a bit role. I also want to see if Mami is going to redeem herself from the cunt we saw since 18 seconds into the series. I seriously doubt it, but it just gives me more reason to cuss at the computer, calling her every horrible name in the book. And as for Ruka…there’s nothing to say. She’s just gonna be second best no matter what the fuck happens.

As addicting as this anime was, I can’t ignore how many times I had to facepalm at every, stupid action done by Kazuya. I mean, several times per episode, butt-for-brains does something stupid that makes us say, “Dude, WTF” or “Bruh”. Lying to your family, lying to your friends, giving a bad review to your rental girlfriend for giving you great service, jacking it to your ex when you’re clearly hot for Chizuru, following a guy around because he spends the day with Chizuru, and it just goes on and on! You want to root for this twerp in hopes he gets the girl of his dreams in the end, but at the same time, you’re like, “This guy is a total dink.”

Oh, let’s see what season two has to offer…whenever that comes.

In the meantime, if you’d like to check out Rent-A-Girlfriend, Crunchyroll has all 12 episodes available in both sub and dub.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 263: [Immigrant Song Intensifies]

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko sicced five Noumus on Miruko. Rephrase that: Ujiko sicced only five Noumus on Miruko. In hindsight this was obviously a mistake. Miruko proceeded to laugh and jump around kicking all of them and literally ripping the head off of the strongest one’s neck with nothing but her thighs. It was legendary and awe-inspiring and also she lost an arm but WHO EVEN CARES, I’m still pledging my allegiance to her. Miruko once beat the sun in a staring contest. Miruko’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because nobody fucking fools Miruko. Anyway so also the heroes are finally attacking the League of Pliff’s HQ and Skeptic is running around all “AHHHH” so I guess we’ll see how that goes now.

Today on BnHA: Things finally get started over in Gunga, although for the time being most of the kids from 1-A and 1-B are still sitting around in the woods all pent-up and anxious and restlessly shipping KamiJirou. Meanwhile on the front lines, three-and-a-half-year-old Kaminari Denki is all “SOB I WANT TO BE BACK WITH MY FRIENDS WHERE IT’S SAFE”, to which Midnight, who I would just like to remind you is (1) an adult, (2) a teacher, and (3) a person responsible for this literal child’s safety in any number of other capacities, responds with “SORRY KIDDO WE NEED YOUR QUIRK.” I have yet to see any compelling evidence that they really do need it, but putting that dubious matter aside, Kaminari does kick some ass once he gets over his anxieties. Meanwhile Cementoss tears a building in half, Tokoyami reflects on how he was exposed to Kaminari’s good and pure moral character during their many soulful jam sessions, Hawks is about to kill Twice, and – wait, what.

a few stray thoughts since this chapter is taking forever to come out today. one, the good guys need to take out Twice and Toga as soon as they find them, because they’re currently the deadliest combination in the League. Twice for obvious reasons, and Toga because I’m pretty sure she got some of Aizawa’s blood that one time back during the Basement arc, and that fact coupled with the fact that she can now use the quirk of whoever she transforms into spells big trouble for the good guys since she can basically just cancel out whoever’s quirk she wants. plus she’s probably also immune to Midnight’s quirk. all in all bad news

two, it is interesting that Hagakure is the only 1-A kid we haven’t seen yet! probably just me overreacting, but still interesting!

(ETA: we do see her standing next to Mina in this chapter, so so much for that. you get out of it this time Tooru!)

and three, I’m not clear on whether or not Skeptic has actually figured out that Hawks betrayed them, or if he just suspects it, or if he thinks that Hawks leaked something accidentally and doesn’t realize that this entire time the dude was 100% playing them. I’m sure we’ll find out shortly. but regardless of how this plays out, I’m already dreading Twice’s reaction to all this :/ my sweet innocent baby. HE THOUGHT YOU WERE HIS FRIEND HAWKS. HE TRUSTED YOU. fff I really hope Twice’s inherently good and trusting nature isn’t a casualty of all this. then again I still think Twice himself is very unlikely to survive this. so basically I’m just bracing myself for pain sob

(ETA: oh this is bad.)

(ETA 2: by the way just to clarify, the above paragraphs were all written on Friday, and the rest of this recap+all ETAs were written the next day when I finally got to read the chapter! this is not important in any way whatsoever but now you know and that’s half the battle!)

“it’s time” holy shit finally lol. you all have been camped out over here for weeks now. not that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy each and every second of Miruko’s one-woman murder show, but it is nice to finally check in with you guys over here so we can get to work at last and I can get a better feel for who’s about to die. cuz someone here is dying guys

the chapter is called “I wanna be with the others!!” so. this is gonna be a Kaminari chapter isn’t it. I wonder what fresh new traitorous hijinks he’ll be getting up to this week. that detestable scoundrel

Mineta is being all weasel-y and reluctant, and honestly, I’m a bit annoyed. and for once it’s not directed at him! it’s like... how do I explain it. okay, so like, the manga is showing him being all cowardly and clearly not at all happy about being out here, and the fact that it’s Mineta doing it only adds to the general flavor of this being the wrong attitude to have and just a really shameful way of acting in general, because it’s Mineta and we all know Mineta is vile and so clearly he’s in the wrong here! the only thing is though, I actually don’t blame him even if he’s being a little shit about it, because the kids absolutely should not be here in the first place. are they strong? fuck yes. are they gonna end up being the ones to turn the tide once everything inevitably goes to shit, and thus the others are really goddamn lucky that they’re here? probably. does that make it right to conscript kids and send them out here to a soon-to-be war zone which the adults have very little control over meaning that some of these children will almost certainly be injured and traumatized and possibly even killed? nope! not right at all! no amount of “plus ultra” can justify this, folks. and “we get that it’s wrong but that’s just the fucked up times we live in” doesn’t actually justify it either, even if the HPSC seems to think so

but having said all that, there’s clearly nothing to be done about it at this point, and I’m about to enjoy this chapter of the kids presumably kicking ass even after all that whining, so I’ll just carefully climb down from my soapbox now. but I’m still keeping it handy just in case!

who the fuck is this Thundercats guy who looks like he was part of an old timey street gang in 1920s Chicago

lol can he hear the villain hotel being ripped in half over there in the distance

and speaking of hearing, Jirou is popping her earbuds into the ground to do some reconnaissance of her own I guess!

the heroes?? she better not mean the villains. oh lord I still don’t have the faintest idea how they’re planning on actually containing them all. well, brace yourselves everyone. here comes the shitshow

now Gangs of New York is making the most unnecessary speech in the history of this manga

were any of them actually going to be careless?? I’m pretty sure they understand the gravity of the situation my dude. and if they didn’t, I’d say that’s honestly on you guys and not on them because, again, they’re kids. and if you didn’t want a bunch of teenagers goofing off during your incredibly dangerous and vitally important do-or-die hero mission, then maybe you shouldn’t have brought a bunch of teenagers to your incredibly dangerous and vitally important do-or-die hero mission

“listen makeste are you just going to sit around all day bitching about my cardinal sin of daring to involve your precious little darlings in the actual plot,” the imaginary Horikoshi that sits around trying to keep these recaps from veering off track interjects. and okay fine

sob it feels wrong to see MomoJirou there without their Kaminari

(ETA: and there is Hagakure on the left, FYI. at least I think that’s her?)

their baby boy is all out there alone in the woods. is that why you were really listening, Jirou? you can tell me, I promise not to make a big deal about it

MOMO ARE YOU COMFORTING JIROU WHILE SHE OPENLY WORRIES ABOUT “TOKOYAMI”

I lied, I might make a big thing about it. what a beautiful March day for some OT3

MY INFANT SON!!

HE’S ONLY TWO YEARS OLD!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? MIDNIGHT YOU BETTER KEEP HIM SAFE!! at least until he makes it back safely into the hands of his friends, the League of Villains

meanwhile here’s a fun tip, this manga gets 100x funnier if you scroll back up to that panel of Jirou being all serious and saying “they’re on the move” now that we know that this outburst is almost certainly what she was listening to lmao. “oh, Kaminari is crying, that must mean they’re getting started”

and here they go!!

who is that in the witch hat?? COULD THIS BE THE LEGENDARY MAJESTIC, AT LONG LAST? this person looks like they cobbled together their entire hero costume from Sero’s bedroom. just ransacked it and draped all of his tapestries and throw pillows every which way over some Adidas pants. goddammit who is this person, I need to know everything about them right now

DAMMIT MIDNIGHT

HE’S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE THOSE KIND OF DECISIONS GODDAMMIT. HE IS YOUNG AND PLIABLE!! WHAT DID YOU DO, OFFER HIM CANDY. DID YOU PROMISE YOU WOULD TAKE HIM TO CHUCK E. CHEESE AFTER IF HE WAS GOOD

SON OF A BITCH ARE YOU GUILTING HIM

I DON’T LIKE THIS, MIDNIGHT. I MEAN, YOU ALREADY KNOW, IT’S NOT LIKE I’VE MADE A BIG SECRET OF IT OR ANYTHING. GUH

and he’s shouting back “no I don’t think you adults are pathetic at all!” while still looking terrified! goddammit how do I cast protection on a fictional character in a manga. I don’t play D&D, but D&D players can do that, right? how do I create a shield around my party. Kaminari you stay put while I try and figure this all out

lmaoooooo Tokoyami’s words of encouragement

A MAGNIFICENT FELLOW. you guys I’m gonna be honest, lately I’ve been enjoying these fan scanlations even more than the official ones at times. obviously Viz’s are fine and good, but sometimes it’s almost like they localize everything a little too much, you know? most people don’t go around calling other people magnificent fellows, but would Tokoyami? yes. yes he would. I believe this in every fiber of my heart

LMAO KAMINARI

“KAMINARI, I REALIZED WHEN WE WERE PLAYING GUITAR TOGETHER... WAY TO WHITE-KNUCKLE THOSE SICK FRETS, HALEN.” thank you so much for that Tokoyami but we are kind of in the middle of something so I’m not sure if right now is really the time to start asking my boy here for his autograph. after, maybe

now Cementoss is literally screaming “ATTACK!” and throwing subtlety to the winds

and now we’re back to this!

and it looks like this is most likely Cementoss using his quirk to tear the building in half! so that���s one mystery from last week solved! holy shit you guys I just realized we’re actually going to see Cementoss in action. so long as the environment is right, dude is a literal earthbender. we may be in for a rare treat

Skeptic is shouting at his minions to alert the Council. it’s okay, Cementoss already alerted them for you I’m pretty sure

so he’s sending Violet and Black to the front entrance, and Cleveland and Carmine to the Assembly Hall (where the Council is). these, if you recall, are the names of the various Vanguard squads, though I don’t recall who is actually on which squad and I really don’t want to go back and look it up... but fine!

okay, Twice is on the Black squad and Dabi and Otter Pop are on Violet. so they’re being dispatched to the front, while Toga, Compress, Spinner, and Skeptic himself (how convenient for you Skeptic) are heading to the Assembly Hall. isn’t that nice that Dabi is heading out to the front, where my son Kaminari “Clapton” Denki is. hahaha. fuck

Lefty Hair is now making a sudden appearance and giving Skeptic some threatening “you majorly fucked up and the only reason I’m letting it slide for now is because we’ve got bigger things to worry about” vibes, which I like. also he has a cigarette. it’s been a while since I’ve seen a manga character actually smoke a cigarette. I guess only villains are allowed to smoke them now

YOU GUYS LOOK HOW FUCKING RAW CEMENTOSS LOOKS HERE HOLY SHIT

HOW MANY PEOPLE IS CEMENTOSS GOING TO KILL TODAY. place your bets. and is cement stronger than fire. please don’t die Cementoss

YOU GUYS HE FUCKING SLAMMED THE FUCKING BUILDING OPEN LIKE ARAGORN OPENING THOSE FUCKING DOUBLE DOORS IN THE TWO TOWERS. I KNOW YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY SLAM A DOOR OPEN BUT ARE WE GOING TO SIT HERE AND ARGUE SEMANTICS ALL DAY OR ARE WE GOING TO KEEP READING??

ARE WE EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE THIS MUCH BADASSERY IN A CHAPTER THAT DOESN’T HAVE MIRUKO IN IT. LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FORGOT TO INFORM THE BADASSERY GUILD THAT THEIR UNION MEMBERS ARE WORKING OVERTIME. I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS METAPHOR I GOT TOO EXCITED

by the way I like how a key part of their “let’s contain all the villains” plan was to open up their secret HQ and spill them all out like a bunch of ants. everyone knows this is the best way to keep people contained. instead of stationing people outside of every exit, let’s just make the entire building into one giant exit and MELEE AWAY ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

who died and made Lefty the smartest guy in the room

if only they had all listened to you, Mister Smart Guy. you’re so smart. why didn’t they put you in charge. probably just because they were jealous

booooo it looks like Black and Violet are attacking but Twice and Dabi are nowhere to be found! because they’re part of the Council?? boooo

Best Sweaterist can do anything a sweater can do. it’s not a very good power. everyone was all “you look like the number 3 hero you must be really strong” and so she got promoted waaaaay above her skill level and it’s too late for her to do anything about it now so good luck Best Sweaterist

finally some people from the League!

but where is Hawks? AND WHY IS DABI HEADING THE OPPOSITE WAY AS EVERYONE ELSE HOLY SHIT

LOL HAWKS YOU BEST MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE MY DUDE. OH FUCK

(ETA: Dabi is either going to arrive just in time to save Twice, or just in time to witness Hawks murdering him, and I’m not sure which would be worse.)

OH MY GOD EDGESHOT GOT A LINE

I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT TO HEAR THIS WITH MY OWN TWO EARS IN THE ANIME. IT’S GONNA BE SO GREAT AH MAN. but real talk, Miruko should be above him in the power rankings. I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. but unless you kill three Noumus within the next few pages here I’d say it’s pretty clear cut

OH NO MY SIX-YEAR-OLD SON, MY POOR BABY, HE LOOKS SO FRIGHTENED NOW. LIKE GENUINELY AFRAID-FOR-HIS-LIFE FRIGHTENED AND NOT JUST COMICALLY FRIGHTENED OH MY GOD I CAN’T

Kaminari you sweet little lamb, it’s going to be okay. you just take a deep breath and zap some of these PLF fuckers and then you can go run and hide and you’ll be playing tacky arcade games and eating hit-or-miss-quality pizza before you know it

Kami is actually in a lot of danger here what with how helpless he gets after he uses too much of his quirk though. (unless of course you subscribe to the theory that he doesn’t actually go dumb at all and that’s when he’s secretly transmitting his traitor messages to the zetans.) whose fucking idea was it to put him on the front lines, honestly. he’s only four!!

fuck me, Midnight sees him panicking and she’s being all soothing and encouraging while also being ridiculously sexy as usual. dammit Midnight

hey Kaminari if you want to think about Momo and Jirou I’m not going to complain, I just want you to know that. you can even make it all platonic by just saying “my friends.” either way is fine and I will respect your smokescreen

ahh he’s turning around and the camera is zooming back to the woods where the rest of 1-A are!

the title of this chapter is becoming surprisingly meaningful!! well played!

WOW

I don’t even know what to say?! I basically just slapped both of my cheeks and said “AWWW” out loud?! would you fucking look at these two bisexual icons living it up in this the year of our lord 2020. what a blessing

oh hey this guy decided it was time for him to talk again

okay Kami I give you permission to go pikachu on his ass. go ahead and show us why the heroes went ahead and violated ILO conventions in order to bring you here

don’t tell me this guy is also an electric type. lol who could have guessed that, there were absolutely no clues at all in his hairstyle or anywhere else. I would definitely have noticed something like that because I definitely pay attention to these things lol

(ETA: and presumably the heroes knew the identities of the Vanguard squadron leaders thanks to Hawks, and knew they had to have some sort of plan in place for this guy’s quirk, hence them being all “hey Kaminari let’s talk.”)

anyway

OH SHIT YOU GUYS KAMINARI IS ABOUT TO BE A BADASS!?

MOTHERFUCKER WAS THAT A SHOUNEN WOOSH???! whaaaaaat oh shit everybody brace yourselves

and now a Tokoyami flashback to the two of them jamming like little hero Hendrixes

because he prioritized the health of his fingers beneath his desire to learn the guitar to help his friends perform, you realized he was truly a magnificent fellow. aw shit it’s all coming together

yep

look how evil that smile in the last panel is. clearly the traitor. probably this other electric man is his dad

USING AN ELECTRIC ATTACK AGAINST ANOTHER ELECTRIC TYPE CLEARLY WON’T WORK AND THUS THIS IS ONLY A FAKE ATTACK DESIGNED IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN HIS COVER!

LOOK HOW EVIL HE IS

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN A FIVE-YEAR-OLD HAVING THIS KIND OF RAW FIREPOWER UNLESS HE’S SECRETLY EVIL!??!

OH MY GOD I LITERALLY SAID “OH MY GOD” VERY LOUDLY IN REAL LIFE AND NOW I’M HOPING MY NEIGHBORS DIDN’T HEAR HOW LOUDLY AND EMBARASSINGLY I SAID “OH MY GOD”

FUUUUCK

just. it’s like this weird and crazy feeling that’s a combination of adrenaline and chills-rushing-up-your-spine. that’s the sensation of clicking to a page and suddenly seeing the thing we fucking knew was going to happen, but just because we knew doesn’t mean we actually wanted it to happen, shit

holy shit. does Jin have to die in order for the heroes to succeed? probably. do I want it to actually happen? NO. am I suddenly reevaluating every single thing I thought I knew about Hawks and mentally updating Jeanist’s presumed mortality status in my head?? yes. are Hawks’s eyes here going to give me nightmares for the entire coming week? also yes. am I really unsettled wondering if those eyes were the last thing Jeanist ever saw? listen why do you keep asking me all of these intrusive and deeply upsetting questions like I’m some kind of magic 8 ball?? am I going to be on the edge of my fucking seat now waiting for next week? fuck

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 3: About pacing and terrible dark revelations played as jokes.

And here we are at the second part of the arc, which was titled “Abandoned”. And just as a word in advance: While “Underappreciated” was mostly defined by the shitty behavior Sam experiences by his crew and how Dobson crossed comedic lines to the point Alex and her crew come off more as abusive than “funny” in the way they treat Sam or interact with their environment, this one is defined by another major issue Dobson has in his bigger stories overall: Pacing.

 See, the right pacing in a story is really one of the most important basics a creator kinda has to grasp. He or she needs to know primarily the following things in relation to pacing, when planning out a story: What are major events/storypoints/key scenes I want to work towards to, what happens inbetween these points and at which speed do I get from point A to B, C etc.

Cause the truth is, a lot of stories out there follow certain tropes or expectations, particularly when they are part of a certain genre, so people more or less have ideas when a certain “point” is hit, what the next point, if not even the endpoint is going to be down the line. And people also kinda want to reach the endpoint of a story, particularly if they expect doing so will finally give the protagonists they care for (and the audience itself) some sort of satisfying conclusion.

The one thing you can now do however, which can in the worst scenario totally kill an audiences/readers enjoyment of the story and even break your creation apart, is get the pacing wrong. For example by unnecessarily dragging out your story instead of just getting to the point, especially when people just want to reach the next major beat, resulting in increased annoyance by them. This can e.g. be seen in a lot of fanfics when writers create damn arcs within their own shit, or (to give a professionally published work of fiction as example) the manga Bleach, when instead of fighting Aizen and his two major supporters directly, the “war” against him was unnecessarily dragged out by having e.g. a pointless flashback sequence that barely shed new light on certain characters and gave EVERY damn main and sub captain of the Shinigami a shot at some random villain/minion Tite Kubo created on the spot but no one cared about really, just to make the story arc run longer.

Obviously, the opposite can also be the case, where people just rush too fast from one point to the other instead of giving the audience time to even properly comprehend or explain what happened and why it happened. Which can get additionally frustrated, when by rushing through plot points the work of fiction gets overloaded with concepts and ideas that may on first glance look interesting, but don’t have any real payoff in the big picture of things, making it come off as pretentious in some cases and pointless overall. Like the movie Southland Tales, which deserves to be burned off the surface of the planet.

 The “best” case scenario when pacing a story, is to know when you need to slow things down (give characters and the readers e.g. moments to breath and emotionally comprehend a situation they are in, giving also insight into a characters emotional state or personality) and when to speed things up (e.g. when there is a big battle, to know which moments are meant to focus on, but also when to be “faster”, giving really the impression that time is of the essence, that high stakes in a short amount of time are given and to hit a key event at the right moment to get a satisfying reaction from your audience)

 And now, after giving a glance on my general opinion on pacing, in order to avoid me commiting the cardinal sin of dragging things out, lets just get to Dobson’s actual artwork.

  As you can see, the chapter starts off again with the island, but this time now with Sam not part of the picture and its consequences (no one cleaning up the place in the morning). This is not really a bad thing to start the chapter of, primarily because it creates a nice contrast to the beginning of the first part.

Page 3 to 5 however…

Lets just say I get what Dobson tries to show here, but I think is exaggerated to a degree that kinda hurts the narrative; the fact that without Sam, shit does not quite get done.

The problem is the execution of the idea. See, instead of putting the fact Sam is missing into the forefront, the fact stuff has not been done is. Stuff the crew should be able to handle after a very short time of adjustment easily. I will admit, Talus suspecting they were robbed but then asked if he had also looked into the cabinets, is kinda funny. I mean, it fits the character (and sometimes people in real life) to be so adjusted to seeing a certain situation as routine every day, that when it is slighty changed they may initially assume the worst but in reality just one convenient step of the routine was left out. Less forgivable I think is the fact that seeing how Sam did the clothes the day prior, I have to wonder how dirty those guys are that already everything is left in piles of dirt to the point they have only the following alternative as wardrobe.

Halloween costumes.

…. Ok, why is there Halloween, and likely a modern day variant of its celebration, in a comic set in a fictional world compared to ours, in a time period it would not exactly exist anyway? Christ on a pogo stick, consistency is all I ask for. Oh and of course NOW they realize Sam is gone. Because they finally put together that their daily luxuries they took for granted are no longer available.

Hey now, Talus. You all are guilty of being terrible friends. In fact yu are so terrible, you would make Twilight Sparkle vomit at the sight of yours. Also, why of all characters are you wearing a costume? Unlike those two bitches, you still had clean clothes on a few pages ago. Speaking of bitches, Atea in the middle panel looks readyto be edited in a cumshot video. Just saying for all those “creative” editors out there.

 YAY! Lets get our slave back so he can do all the stuff we care about but do not want to do.

Seriously, if Dobson tries to convince us they want to get him back because they care for him as a person, he fails miserably. Both by the choice of wording in this page, where Atea and Talus react angrier about the fact that without Sam things don’t work smoothly, rather than concern about his well being, as well as any behavior expressed in the previous chapter. These people are not reacting like friends in worry, they act like spoiled brats. Especially Talus who could still get his stupid burgers if he, as the cook of the crew, would just do his job. All he has to do is additionally open a few cabinets. Also, where in the heck is Uncle Peggy? Oh just go to the next pages so we are getting this over with.

Oh great, the lolcat pirates are back. Because they were so hilarious the first time. And look, they got defeated again. And what is their contribution to the story? To give information on where Sam may have gone.

And it is here now where I have to stop and come back to the pacing issue. Cause the last ten pages here? They are a good example of what I meant with rushed pacing and how it ruins things.

Once more I need to say, I get it. I get the major points Dobson wants to get across. That a) Sam is gone that b) without him things are not all that good for the crew anymore c) they decide they want to find him d) they get information of where he is by going after the one feline that can provide a potential hint. Four major story points Dobson wants to get across. And he is free to get them across. But the way he does it, is just way too fast. Neither the characters, nor the reader really gets time to comprehend that Sam is gone and what that means aside of the surface level loss of luxury Alex and Co are now experiencing. The emotional weight of Sam’s “loss” is pushed aside for the sake of cruising through the plot defined by its surface premise, as fast as possible. And considering that the meat of this story is supposed to be how much Sam means to the others as a person as well as his personal tragedy, intend and execution, thanks to this pacing, does not compute.

Pacing and overall structure are way off and fail to engage us in addition to just killing any suspense in what is going to happen next or surprise us in an interesting fashion. In other words, I am not entertained by this story. It is not funny, it is not sad, it is not “adventurous”.

Personally, I would suggest to actually use the “premise” of those ten pages and turn them at least into two independent chapters of this story overall, to give the premise actually some meat on the bone. The first chapter being a multipager with the crew realizing Sam is gone first BEFORE realizing that without him their luxuries are gone (putting also emphasize this way on the fact they care for Sam also more as a person instead of just the things he does for them) and then once they realize he is missing, deciding to go after him. Only to realize that when they want to prepare themselves for the task (getting their gear together as well as lunch e.g.) that everything is dirty or damaged because Sam normally takes care of it. Leading to a sequence of them having to experience doing Sam’s work for once, making them already there indirectly in part realize what he all does they took for granted.

The second chapter would then be them on the sea, trying to think of where to look at and eventually stumbling upon the cat pirates. Only instead of defeating them easily this time and getting the information, expectations are subverted and the cats actually fight back first, leading to a more hilarious confrontation where Alex and her crew can actually also show how they can be funny and badass, instead of Dobson just always “talking” and trying to convince us they are cool. And look, I do not expect a multi chapter One Piece like battle against the cat captain who turns out to be a master of Scratch Jutzu or something the moment he sniffs catnip. But please, give me something in this story. Some conflict, some diversion, something for characters to actually do that shows they can be badass, funny and awesome. Something that is as cartoony as Dobson likes to claim Alex ze Pirate is, but has never shown in its entirety.

Instead we get to this page, where of all characters Talus is the one who finally seems to realize how he and others took Sam for granted.

 And again, even this page is a good example of terrible pacing. Cause this realization, now shoved in within this and the next page? It would mean so much more if it happened in parts somewhere else in this story before or after, slowly to everyone stepwise. Cause then it would actually feel like a “development” of a chain of thoughts and internal realizations. Instead it is half heartedly thrown in all at once in those pages, to get the point across that NOW Sam’s “friends” finally realize, they took him always for granted.

Congratulations on realizing that you are the real scum in this story. What do you expect from me now? To give you hugs and feel pity for you like you are characters in Steven Universe, all because you had an epiphany? You do not deserve mine or any readers sympathy, just because NOW you feel bad for your terrible behavior. Cause if I did, it would just feel rewarding in a certain manner. And you do not deserve a reward. You have to make things up first or at the very least put in some sort of effort to show me, that you are not just feeling bad, but are willing to change for the better. Otherwise you are in the future still just the same toxic abusers you were two pages ago.

... man, that really felt like me already venting at Steven Universe.

Anyway, we have reached the town where Sam is from…

And it looks NOTHING at all like the artwork from Legends implied parts of the town to look like

Where are the badly drawn docks? The houses that imply this is not just a small village on the beach but an actual small town? The twon square where they sell underaged boys as slaves? Jesus Christ, what is the orphanage going to look li-

Nevermind. The orphanage is crushed. And all the people that lived in it are dead.

... WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU, DOBSON! This is genuinely a sick joke here. Look, I am all for black and dark comedy myself, but this feels cruel. I need to remind you, Alex ze Pirate in Dobson’s eyes was also meant to be a comic for all ages. Meaning something also little kids should be able to read and enjoy. Pushing aside how much of that would be bullshit by the shitton of sexist and sex jokes in other strips of the comic alone, this here is not the kind of joke I would like to see a little kid being exposed to when reading any form of story.

Look, I am not saying you can’t make fun about death. But Death is also a major part of life, which many of us are already being exposed to at an early age. And I think it is important that when we talk about death as a subject in a story for kids, we should actually address it in a “mature” manner the kid may understand. That death, as in the genuine loss of a life and not e.g. an awesome interpretation of the Grim Reaper as written by Terry Pratchett, is tragic. That it means permanently losing someone you or someone else loves. That when talking about it, we should talk about it in a serene manner. And there have been great kids stories who tackled the subject directly or indirectly. A Land Before Time for example, the loss of Littlefoots mother and how he “copes” with it while the majority of the plot still focuses on an adventure to find the Great Valley… that is great. But this thing here that Dobson does? To create a shocking revelation and then sell it as a joke based on the fact that Alex, Atea and Talus react with jawdrops to it? It is not handling the death of those children with any form of gravitas in a story that supposedly is meant to be emotional and play with your heartstrings. And yes, we know nothing about those kids, they are essentially non entities to further the plot. But in context of the story, you have to consider, those kids that are “unimportant” to the reader? For the character of Sam, those people were family. At page 14, we as readers start to realize what Sam finding this locket and going back to his hometown only to find out everyone he knew is dead must mean for him. We, people with even an ounce of empathy and understanding how tragedies should be in part written realize, that shit just hit the fan for Sam and that the story should genuinely focus on how Sam would deal with such a tragedy. But does Dobson treat this revelation with any grace or dignity? NOPE!

It is just a bunch of information dropped on us randomly by an old guy who (I guess similar to Dobson) does not even care that kids died. They are just a plotdevice. Oh and also most of those kids died of an infectious disease where most people die of dehydration after literally shitting non stop. Just to add additional gravity and dignity to the loss of prepubescent lives that should count as Sam’s siblings.

You know, I have to change my opinion on Alex. She is not the worst abuser of Sam. The worst person to ever abuse Sam is Andrew Dobson himself. Cause at least Alex did not kill his extended “family”. And to think this “children comic” was written by the same guy who made a “So you are a Cartoonist” strip where he talked about how kids media can tell more mature comics with more gravitas than live action stuff and novels meant for people that aren’t just children, young adults or mentally stucked manchildren. Dobson, after this page you have no right to call your stuff “appropriate for children” or mature anymore.

I am genuinely furious at this page right now as that I can go on. So here, have the last page of this chapter so I can wrap this up and enjoy some good forms of fiction…

Well Atea, everyone he knew from this village and potentially cared about died in an house collapsing with no one having removed the remains still and he is going on a cemetery. UNLIKE DOBSON WHEN WRITING THIS, USE YOUR BRAIN YOU INSULT TO LESBIANS!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time  /  and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.

[kuningannasansa]

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x02

(very anti annamis, so if that bothers you steer clear :)

We open with Dartagnan preparing for a duel and declaring “I was raised to fight like a gentleman”. I thought he was a farmboy? I’m so confused.

“Every man for himself!” – lol! But also, is that what you were thinking when you decided to screw up everyone’s life with your dick Aramis?

Now Dartagnan has been arrested for illegal duelling. Which is fair and exactly what should happen. I mean, they should arrest that red guard too, ofc. But for all that the musketeers whine about their toys being banned by the nanny state, I think we can agree that laws banning duels were actually progressive and good?

Treville is MAAAAD!! Good!

“I’ve never been unpopular before” HA HA HAAA HAAAAA! You just wait a few seasons, honey.

Why do the extra background musketeers have period accurate clothing and ‘our heroes’ don’t? I mean, I get these leather getups are supposed to be sexy, but they don’t do it for me at all. I’d like realistic clothing more

Oh hey! It was all an act! I had legit forgotten! I am glad I’m doing this rewatch lol, there’s so much good stuff I’m experiencing again as if for the first time! Also, Treville is clearly a suppressed thespian!

Now Athos says Dartagnan is a farmboy again?????? I guess he’s a farmboy who was taught to fight like a gentleman for some reason

Aramis tells Porthos that he’s a terrible judge of character and he does like Aramis, so maybe that’s true…

Treville thinks Dartagnan’s life is worth the risk if he can uncover what the villain of the week is planning. I love my pragmatic dad!

Aramis says he loves violence in a woman. Well, I’m free to beat the shit out of him any time...

I was about to comment on the good old days when Anne had political acumen and cultivated a good public image by giving alms and grantign clemency to some prisoners. But then she told the governor of the prison that she would like to free all his charges and his face turned sour so maybe she always sucked at diplomacy? I’ll reserve judgement thou, I remember her as very clever and capable in season one.    

Prison Break: 1630 is looking good

Athos doesn’t have faith in Dartagnan to manage the mission. From his perspective it makes sense, but it still upsets me. 

Richelieu and Treville are working together on this one! Oh goodie!

Now this is the worst bit! Milady tells Richelieu she can get Dartagnan back by lying that she stabbed the guy in the last episode in self defence. And well… that does give people a valid reason to think that she lied about Thomas trying to rape her as well. For the record, I still believe her, her story remains constant throughout and she sticks by it even when she has absolutely no reason to lie. But this scene does give the haters a semi valid reason to doubt her and I hate that. And most importantly, this ambiguity in the text should not exist. The writers should have told us on screen one way or the other to avoid all this nasty discourse. Sometimes ambiguity is a wonderful device (cough*black sails final/*cough) but rape is not a topic that should be treated like that.    

Richelieu is turned on by her act thou. And slightly repulsed. By how turned on he is.

Milady is looking for Vadim on Richelieu’s orders! She’s on the same side as the musketeers, doing the same job (probably more successfully)! Watch them judge her anyway.

RICHELIEU WANTS FLOWERS!!

Oh no, Anne, don’t show Aramis affection! He’ll be stalking you for the rest of your life!

Porthos does not approve and neither do I.

Porthos reminds Aramis of Adelle lol. WRECK HIM PORTHOS!!

SUZETTE!!

Bonacieux is so very dumb, it’s delightful!

Milady just shot two of Richelieu’s red guards. Either she had his authorisation to do it when necessary or she just doesn’t give a fuck. I suspect the later.

Milady is promising Dartagnan riches and to introduce him to her “powerful patron” if he takes her to Vadim. Why? If Treville and Richelieu are cooperating on this why are their respective agents in the dark? Or perhaps RIchelieu is trying to catch Vadim on his own behind Treville’s back and get all the credit? Hehee

Athos is threatening to have Suzette whipped. And she tells him that it’s usually the other way around with musketeers, “but if the money’s right”. LMAO WRECK HIM!!

They are planning to use decoys at Easter mass to lure out Vadim and Anne says “the people know their King and Queen too well”. Do they, thou? They had wood cuttings back then not the fucking People Magazine. But I guess the plot hinges on the real royals going so whatever.

Louis: “My father never shirked public obligation” Richelieu: “Your father was assassinated”

“Common sense is for commoners” oh Louis! Listen to Richelieu!!

Richelieu says he may have misjudged, but I still think he’s right. I mean, politically speaking, it is good for people to see their King, not have him cowering behind castle walls while they are put in danger. But I still maintain those peasants would not be any wiser if they just sent decoys.

I like Vadim’s greed for money under a disguise of not entirely fake anti monarchism as a motivation. His plan is really clever too! Season 1 really had very good villains!

Richelieu in proper red cardinal’s robes! Me likey!

“Surrender or die!” lmao, as if they’re not going to hang him if he surrenders. I’d rather be shot, personally.

Milady kills Suzette. Okay, she was part of a conspiracy to rob the royal treasury so she would have been executed anyway, but I still don’t like it. Can we not kill all the cool female characters please?

Vadim’s death is beautifully shot, with him dropping treasure everywhere as he walks through the smoke. Cinematically very good!

Constance does not miss the quiet life! Bless!

So Milady lied to Richelieu and kept the Queen’s pendant she got from Suzette? But then that plot never went anywhere, as far as I remember. I know there were some cut Milady scenes in episodes 4 – 6 so I guess they decided to drop it, but I would have loved to see her have more agency independent of Richelieu as she pursues her own agenda.

Red Guards killed in the line of duty: 2 (let’s pour one out for them!) 

Women fridged: Suzette RIP!

Best Dressed: Louis and Anne (not an easy choice cause Constance and Milady also had some very nice dresses in this episode, but in the end I’m a trashy bitch who loves bling)  

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

So I finally saw Endgame. And I’m not remotely sorry I waited this long. 

But now I do understand why when I came back to tumblr there was absolutely nothing on my dash about it. 

I saw it last night and I’ve been so angry this whole time I couldn’t sleep. What even the fuck was that?! Look, as a Thor fan, I’ve grown accustomed to having my baby written poorly. but WHAT the FUCK was THAT?!?!?!

Holy christ. Holy god. Just... just... I’m so angry. 

I thought Tony’s arc was good, but, as usual, he carried the fucking movie because Tony is the only character they can consistently write. Everyone else eventually devolved into trashfire. Well, that’s not true, Scott Lang sure got some good shit in. So, if you’re an Ant-Man or an Iron Man fan, this movie was a good time for you.

But everyone else... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god. 

I’m 50-50 on Steve. There were some good Steve moments, I liked that FINALLY we got a taste of the consequences of Civil War that I have BEEN WAITING FOR. It fucked me up watching Tony pull off his heart and shove it into Steve’s hand saying, “Take this and hide behind it.” I... wow. holy fucking shit. I’ve been waiting for THAT. And Steve did a good thing when Tony comes back, all fucked up about Peter, and Steve has the good grace to say “We lost him” to acknowledge Tony’s guilt and to understand, apparently for the first time, that Tony always thinks it’s his fault and he will carry this burden right into the fucking grave. Thanks for retroactively paying attention to Tony’s character arc Steve. 

So, that bit was good. But then we married him to Peggy? Really? Like, Peggy Carter is a wonderful lady but... we’ve spent the majority of Steve’s arc digging him out of this, getting him to move on. And I know every team movie has amnesia and doesn’t understand how character development works, but you have all of Steve’s relationships right here. Bucky’s alive, Sam’s alive, but no, Steve goes back in time to live out his days peacefully with some lady? Again, not that Peggy doesn’t matter, she does, but.... oh my GOD WHAT EVEN WAS THE POINT of introducing Bucky back into Steve’s life if not to force him to live in the NOW? Why bother giving Steve ANY friends??? I just... UGGGGGHHHH. And doing that ACTIVELY CREATES MORE PROBLEMS. What if they had kids??? We don’t know if the super soldier serum can get passed on. What if the descendants of Steve Roger are running around??? I just... I get that we had to put these characters at peace and they tried to give them a “happy ending” but... this seems like a backtracking. Steve could still pass on the mantle in the present without totally fucking over his character arc. 

Bruce... was fine. Thought it was a little rough how they addressed the Bruce/Natasha situation but as apparently everyone retroactively thinks that was a bad idea... I guess this is what we get. Also, I love how we nixed all of the possible ships with Valkyrie in this one. Which I guess follows what with NO ONE knowing how to pick up from Ragnarok. I mean... okay, I guess. 

But SPEAKING OF NATASHA.... fuck you. Just... fuck you. Clint easily could have died there and it would have been justified and it would have been fine. It wouldn’t have affected the plot in any way. You do sort of double-down on taking fathers away from their families by killing both Clint and Tony, but... Clint’s character has been a trashfire this whole time. The man wanted to go to atone for what he had done in his family’s absence. And I know Marvel offered us the peace offering of lining up every female Marvel character to protect Spiderman to prove how many female characters they have and it was really nice to see Pepper matter again and that great scene with Frigga and that’s all really sweet but... you still killed Nat for no reason. And definitively made her one of the two people that cannot ever come back, Incidentally, the only two people who can never come back are women, so. No matter how you sliced that, it was always going to be one-sided one way or another. 

But I really do think it was justified to sacrifice Clint to the Soul Stone. Clint had other people in his life, his family, he was functional, supposedly, before all the shit went down. Natasha has always had nothing, Clint’s always been remarkably important to her. As a sacrifice, killing Clint feels worse than killing Nat. And Nat’s been trying to die for her found family this whole time, those scattered people she was trying to hold on to, that she struggled to function for. It just would have been nice to reward all her trials by giving her her family back and letting someone else take the bullet for a change. *siiiiiigh* 

Nebula was great, I liked what was done with her. I fully gave up on our time travel making any sense when she shot her past self and then didn’t blip out of existence. I guess the argument for that is that the Nebula that exists branched out further back in the time line so killing herself from slightly further ahead does nothing, but... still, our time travel was a hot mess and y’all know it. 

I think I’ve covered all the major players now except... my baby. So, the first half was great for Thor. I love that he was the one to behead Thanos. I love that he was SUPER fucked up about his failures, his failure to protect his family, to protect his people, his failure to make good on all his promises. Absolutely accurate, Thor WOULD be wrecked by what he couldn’t do. And, sure, okay, he drank enough to give him beer gut, I... fine. I do NEED to point out that he’s a god, his metabolism is different so the quantity he would need to drink to even achieve that level of pudge is beyond reckoning. And, as a god, he should have been able to drop it too. But Okay.

And then there’s that sweet scene with Frigga. I did love that we brought back an underserved female character and let her have a moment with her son. I enjoyed that a lot. What I did not like was Everything That Came After That. I don’t like that they wrote Thor tackling his guilt as a stumble in his self-confidence. I don’t like that because Thor’s depressed now, he’s also stupid. But, y’know, no one has EVER written Thor’s intelligence well (Except you Taika, you, as always, did nothing wrong and I love you) so why the fuck should that change now. I don’t like that Thor ABSOLUTELY should have used the gauntlet the first time because then MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T FORGET TO WISH BACK ASGARD. Like that’s an actual, genuine plot hole. Half of Asgard is STILL DEAD and that’s never addressed because y’know fuck the Asgardians I guess. What they lost doesn’t really matter because that didn’t happen during the Mass Dusting so fuck your problems Thor. No no, it’s fine, it’s absolutely fine that Thor had to destroy his homeland, lost half his people, lost every meaningful relationship he had and then FUCKS OFF WITH THE GUARDIANS?!?! FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT! 

No no ABSOLUTELY FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU. I am SO mad. God, what a CARDINAL misreading of Thor’s character! And HOW DARE YOU use that “Be who you are, not who you’re supposed to be” BULLSHIT! How DARE YOU use Frigga’s words to negate Thor’s character development! We settled this back in THE FIRST FUCKING MOVIE but no one can EVER be bothered to write Thor right so FUCK ME I GUESS. Absolutely FUCK THIS. No yeah no, Thor who has been constructively making amends and shouldering his father’s mistakes FROM THE BEGINNING no no, he’d just fuck off, abandon the people he failed, yeah no it’s FINE That’s ABSOLUTELY FINE yeah Thor feels absolutely no loyalty to his people or desire to do right by them, fuck every last one of you sons of bitches. 

And I won’t lie that I am personally pissed about Loki but this disgusting, final betrayal of who Thor is is the Last Fucking Straw. And if the point was to retire the originals WHY DID YOU SADDLE HIM WITH THE GUARDIANS WHO OBJECTIVELY ARE NOT FINISHED?! Like, they have past Gamora now who has no relationships with any of these fucks, their shit is NOT straightened and you’re just throwing Thor into the mix??? What the fuck for?! Just let him be king of Asgard and then you NEVER HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN. That was his retirement! Ruling his people like a GODDAMN MONARCH. Y’KNOW. LIKE HE’S ACTUALLY GOOD AT AND HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. *screaming* 

I can’t, I just... and “Asgard already has a king” exCUSE ME?! Valkyrie’s only been back with her people for FIVE YEARS after being gone GOD KNOWS HOW LONG. Literally LONGER THAN YOUR LIFESPAN THOR. And Valkyrie ISN’T a leader! She’s a soldier! What did we watch her lead??? What exactly are yoru examples of her credentials??? What proof do we have that the, I remind you, GREATLY traumatized, Asgardian people even trust her?! It heals far more damage to let the prodigal son redeem his family and make up for the mistakes. And this isn’t to shit on Valkyrie, she’d probably do fine ruling Asgard but she DOESN’T want to, there’s absolutely nothing in her character description that says ruler and this was all just a fucking excuse to let Thor go off and play Big Lebowski with the Guardians of the Galaxy and I am PISSED TO HIGH HELL about it! 

The thing that pisses me off the most is that it would not have materially changed their plot in anyway to just bring Asgard back, let Thor use the Infinity Gauntlet. Yes it would have fucked him up, but does that really matter? You weren’t using Thor for jackshit anyway. Let Hulk triple team Thanos instead, you know you want to. As you bothered to write Bruce like a person today. What would it have changed to bring back Asgard? Other than y’know providing more hands to fight Thanos’ army. Like, did anyone else notice that Wakanda is apparently the only army we know? That was some fine ass tokenism at the end there, woof. Letting Thor use the gauntlet was their last chance to let him be the person he actually is. And... instead they trashed them. Because they have never cared about Thor. They NEVER believed they could sell him, never had confidence in him as a character, never marketed him effectively, convinced themselves that the audience didn’t care for Thor... and so here we are. 

I’m so... mad. About all of that shit. That not once could these writers do right by Thor. I’m just going to go back to living in Ragnarok, fuck all of this.

[xiaolongpunch]

Rwby’s redemption

I’ve started watching rwby ever since the summer that volume 2 was released. My friends made me watch the four trailers and I was immediately captivated by the breath of fresh air the show promise from its beginning. Four badass girls with unique weapons and abilities? I was already hooked from that point. I binge watch volume after that day, and I immediately got harry potter vibe with the school aspect of the show. I also understood from the get go the the 8 characters we were introduced to in the beginning would be the main cast, that being team RWBY and team JNPR.

This is where my first critique comes in, and it won’t be directed at rooster teeth or miles-kerry or even monty, but rather at the fandom. Volume 1 wasn't shy at showing us who the important characters were, how? The were coloured in and we got to know their names in the first few episodes. The rest was either shadowed in, appeared a couple of times, or simply never be seen again. We knew the main cast was the two teams, and other subsequent characters were more side characters, exemple: Cardin and team CRDL, Velvet, Ozpin, Glynda, Roman, and the other professors and Sun. And one of the major complaints that volume 1 gets is that it was focused on Jaune to much. Statistically speaking, his arc lasted 25% of volume 1, lasting from episode 11 to 14. Other arcs from this volume included Blake’s, Weiss’s conflict with Ruby and probably other minor ones I won’t speak about. Blake’s arc lasted from episode 15 to 16, buut continued into the subsequent volume. Making for 12.5% of the first volume, and about, well the entire volume. Volume 2 was dedicated into busting the white fang and Roman, which directly tied into Blake’s arc from Volume 1, making it the longest arc up to this date since it is still continuing into volume 5. The third arc was the conflict between Ruby and Weiss, although somewhat minor, this arc still lasted for a couple of episodes spread apart from one another. The point being, Jaune’s arc is minor compared to other arcs happening in the show, since his only lasted 4 episodes in volume 1 alone. Sure he had speaking times in other volumes, but none revolved around him, and yet the fandom is still bitching and moaning that jaune is taking too much space. As mentioned before, Jaune IS one of the main 8, not liking him as a character is totally fine, but saying he is taking too much space is somewhat overreacting since he is one of the main characters.

Let’s go on, from V1 came V2, and to this date, it is probably one of my least favourite volumes. I feel like they focused a bit too much on the characters motivation during the mountain glenn arc. What was the point of Oobleck asking everyone why they wanted to be huntresses? It was a bit awkward and I feel like they could've gotten the same result, if not more,  if they made the team sit down around a campfire and make them ask each other their motivation. They would’ve shared some exposition through, shown team rwby bonding, something the fandom has been asking for a while now (Something I will touch later on) aaand they would’ve been able to touch a lot more on Blake’s ongoing arc that way. Btw, this is how critiquing something is done, by talking about what felt wrong and give an example on how they could of improved themselves. I’ve seen way to many people complain and complain and never even explain how they could've improve on what they complained on, and then call what they did ‘critiquing’, but im digressing. Overall, they did what they wanted, expose us to more backstory and motivation, show us a bit more of who the characters are by telling us where they come from. This volume honestly showed me why Ruby is more childish in nature, and it also help set up what they wanted for her next volume. It showed me why Weiss is so cold and distant sometimes, it showed us why Blake acts the way she does..you get the point. It also helped setting up the next volume, which was a real plus.

Next comes V3, and I feel like, like the show, this was where the fandom started to really fall and divide. A reason why people started to become more toxic might have been because of Monty’s death. People started to think that because he died, Miles and Kerry started to ruin the show from his original idea. Especially after a controversial letter came out, you can read it here if you’d like. From that point, it was a shitstorm of fighting, between people who believed shane and people who didn’t. I have read the letter, and personally, I feel like they were some things right and some wrong. Shane seemed to have this idea that Monty was the only one planning the show, but it was with Miles and Kerry, Monty provided the ideas, MK wrote them out. Gray even addressed what the future of RWBY would be, and he mentioned this.

“For those wondering, Monty was heavily involved in shaping the future of the world of Remnant. His story ideas will live on, and you will also be able to see some of the animation he'd begun working on for Volume 3. For some time, the team has known the direction in which the next volumes will be headed, and Rooster Teeth is committed to bringing these tales to you.”

Like I said, you decide if you want to believe shane or not, but I think its clear that Monty planned his show with MK years ahead. And some of the ‘Critiques’ the show got addressed the wrong issues. That volume also sparked the lgbtq representaion controversy, ship wars begun, like I said, a shitshow began. It was also the volume that rwby turned dark and characters died off. And for some reason people got angry at MK for killing them off, because they thought it wasn't Monty’s idea. Except it was, and here is some other complaint. Roman was a major villain, you can't kill him! Actually he was said to be unimportant to the main story plot, and unfortunately I can't find the panel, but I remember that someone in the crwby mentioned that roman was kept alive longer than intended because he was like, but was eventually going to get killed off. Next was Penny’s death, not much complain on that side other then people saying they were sad she died, so nothing to say on that part. But the major character death that got lots of complaint was Pyrrha’s. People had two complaint about, it went too far, and that she was only meant to further Jaune’s character.

To address the first point, I will actually let Gray explain.

“Have we said thanks lately? Thanks again for sharing the story with our youngest audience members out there, it means a lot to us and we take the responsibility to heart. In return, we wanted to take a sec to reiterate some things. We've said from the very beginning that the story of RWBY is actually a pretty long journey, with all sorts of complex changes and themes over time. Because we can only put out so many episodes per year, and the story has been focused the way it has the first couple years, some viewers might assume that this is all there is to the show. Nnnnope. Much like other multi-year narratives such as the Harry Potters, Avatars (the airbending kind. well, the animated, not the live... look, the good one) and Star Wars...Warses... Warii? Forget it -- like other continuity-heavy sagas out there, RWBY will grow up over time. Our characters will be put to the test as the stakes get greater and the full scope of the story is revealed. The tone and imagery of the show will occasionally go darker and more mature. ...You did happen to notice the opening sequence that has been in front of the show all year, right?”

This comes from a blog post surrounding how dark rwby has turned. And I want to emphasize one particular point, because this will counter EVERY complaint on how the show is progressing in terms of change. RWBY was never meant to stay light hearted and happy, it was meant to grow and change, just like many other series out there, and the fact that people complain about it, is in my opinion, kinda ridiculous. When V3 came out, I understood this because it was new, but now? Really? You want change and character development, but complain once the plot thickens and the nature of the show changes? What kind of hypocritical shit is that? I also believe that Monty said that he got inspired by Games of Thrones in some aspect, and that was early on in the show, so death was going to be a thing, I guess the fandom just wants to ignore that though.

The second point is actually a bit more founded. But because of two sides. MK poorly handled team bonding, we barely got any bonding from any teams so we didnt know what they meant to each other other then a few things here and there. And the second side is the fandom’s collective hatred towards Jaune. The fandom complains that Pyrrha’s death was solely to further Jaune’s character, so im guessing they totally ignored her arc in v3 that actually explained why she decided to fight Cinder or why she died, or just simply decided to ignore, knowing the fandom, I wouldn’t be surprised with either reason. The fandom sometimes forgets to piece things together, to read between the lines. It was clear that Pyrrha had an internal conflict about becoming the maiden, and Jaune, being her combat partner, decided he wanted to be there for her, which only fueled the fandom’s belief that this arc was somehow around Jaune. I feel like fandom is honestly just pulling reasons out of their ass to hate on Jaune at this point, yes he did wrong things, but did anyone ever sat down to think that this was actually kinda the most natural portrayal of a teenage boy? Im digressing here, but Pyrrha’s was far more then Jaune, it was a sign, the show basically told us “Hey, things are getting serious, how serious? Welp a main character died trying to accomplish her goal” And her death couldnt of been more brilliant. It was extremely well executed, the symbolism behind it is incredible because it shows that the show isnt a fairy tail, not everything ends happily ever after, and most of all, it furthered Ruby’s character.

A lot of people dont realize that one of the premise of the show was loss of childhood and innocence. Ruby’s character is the very essence of that. And they broke her to pieces in V3, they killed her best friend, and then a close friend. She unlocked her powers and loss her innocence she had for the world. She grew so much as a character it that volume and its sad to see people not looking further then their noses to see how much has been happening in the show to focus on jaune and other minor things like ships.

To go back on Jaune’s portrayal, he is literally a fuckboi in v1/v2 and a bit of v3. Like, thats what his character is, you can hate it, hell I did, but screaming and shouting that his character needs to change because of that is fucking ridiculous, not everyone is meant to be liked, sometimes best portrayals are the ones that actually make you feel something strong about them, and the typical mary sue.

Lets move on, V4 in my opinion was the most poorly handled volume, for many things.They took to long to show how certain character grief and they didnt handle character development extremely well. Nora and Ren’s arc was...short, too short. I felt like they could of really digged into their childhood and their relationship since they grew up together, but they missed out on it. They tanked to show Ruby’s grief, or as the fandom would say, complete lack of. And the plot exposition from Qrow was too fast and really poorly handled in terms of delivery. I feel like they could’ve taken more time to explain some things like magic and the maidens, because the way it was delivered was more like it was speaking to the audience. The filled in gaps on what the audience didn’t know rather then explaining to the character what the hell was going on in their lives.

And I have a major problem with how the fandom ‘critiqued’ this volume. Again, the major complaints were not story, or plot related, they decided to complain on ships and portrayal, which btw is a valid thing if there is an actual problem. For exemple, they non-stopped complained on how Ruby seemingly didnt show any grief, but let me explain to you. People are different, whereas one person might cry their hearts out to someones death, another will feel sad for a bit and move on. We saw Ruby react to Pyrrha’s death, she unlocked her powers because of it. And there is many reason why she might have been shown grieving. Think about how much shit she went through, she saw her school get destroyed, three people she knew died in front of her in one night, she unlocked some weird magical power which she knows nothing about, her sister seems to hate life now, and her friends are mostly gone. Do you seriously think her mind has the time and effort to grief about ONE person dying? No, nobody would in fact, she probably is still in shock of everything that happened. Another reason, which was actually proven in V5, is that she doesn’t grief, she moves on. And they also foreshadowed it a bit, but I will talk about it in the V5 review of this.

The next thing people complained about was black sun, and how ooc blake felt during those moments. Again, I want to remind you that character development is a thing, and traumatic events may several affect someone’s view in life. The reason why Blake seemed ooc is because of her fears becoming a reality. Her friends got hurt because of Adam, she became paranoid, to the point of almost drawing out her sword to the captain when she was confronted. Sun on the other hand didnt experience all of that, and he thought he was doing the right thing by following her because he wanted to help her. And I saw sooooo many people saw he is a predator because she flinches when he touches her, but also completely forgets or ignore she acted the same way when her own mother hugged her. She is scared shitless of everything, this was probably one of the better handled character development in the volume, and the fandom seemingly ignored all of it to let their hatred go through.

The most blatant problem with V4 however was the animation, and I will let the youtuber Cake in his series “Animation analysis”. He really nails the head of what is wrong with the animation, and I highly recommend you watch this small serie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxP3lBW7wm4&list=PL-wKaeXzYOmbnc0cRXxGD0TEY5wgCUipw

I wont speak about Yang, because honestly, this was the one time the fandom is right, her ptsd arc was poorly handled and not well executed at all.

Then came V5, or as I like to call it, Rooster teeth’s redemption arc. This volume, imo, was so heavily touched upon to appease the angry mobs of the rwde tags its honestly kind of funny. Ship wars? Heres more character development surrounding all the characters involved in those ship and their view about each other. Poor character development? Heres ruby actual griefing and explaining how she moved and sooo much more character for the main cast. LGBT representation? Here's the first confirmed lgbt character! They did so many things right and so many things to fix past problems, and yet, the rwde tag is still greedy…

Volume 5 has done a lot of things right, and a lot of those things were things the fandom was asking since the beginning of the show. I believe it was partially RT testing out that if listening to us would actually change anything, and Im afraid the rwde side of this fandom is proving to them that nothing that they will do will change anything, and thats saying something about the rwde tag and the fandom in general.

Lets hit a few things that happened that rt did right. First being, Ruby’s grief. In V4, most of the fandom outcried for Ruby to show how she grieves the death of Pyrrha and Penny, and we got it. And just like I had thought, she moves on. The writers pulled our heart strings by using Monty’s signature quote “Keep moving forward”. This probably wasn't a last minute decision, since we did get a hint of it when Qrow mentioned the same thing to Yang in V3. And we all know how close Ruby is to Qrow, and he probably taught her to move on rather the grief when death hits someone close to you. The fandom, of course, was blind to all of it, and it dishearten me to see that. Because the fandom keeps asking for better writing, and when the are shown that MK can foreshadow things and give hints of two people’s relationship and that the fandom ignores it, it shows that they dont really care, and are probably finding reasons to hate rather then actually seeing their wishes come true.

Yang’s ptsd. V4 poorly handled this, they showed some sign of her illness but it was rushed and it felt unnatural. But rt did try to change this in V5. The random jerks of her hand and arm is a genius idea, it shows that she still suffers from her trauma even though she is trying to be strong for her own sake. This might be hinting at an actual ptsd episode later on when she fights. This is one thing rt did right and are showing they are listening.

First Lgbt character. Spoiler warning, if you havent watched V5EP8 then skip to the next point to not spoil yourself. So in the latest episode, Ilia was revealed to be first lgbt character, she is a lesbian/Bisexual character who is in love with Blake. And not surprisingly, the fandom find reasons to hate this decision rather than rejoice that rt is actually listening to them. This next part is a message straight for anyone who is criticizing ilia as the “villain lesbian” and say its problematic. Do you understand how hypocrite you are? You headcanon characters like Cinder, Salem, and Neo as lgbt, people who are actually show to be pure evil but hate and try to villainize the only villain who’s reason to be villain is due to her past? We have been shown why she chose this path, we have been shown why she sides with Adam at this moment. It hurts her to do so, we could see it when she ordered to kill Blake’s family, we have seen how conflicted she was to have captured Blake for adam, the only character who’s villainy is actual ambiguous and actually is a complex character because of it and you downgrade her to a “Bitter/Jealous murderous lesbian”? FUCK OUTTA HERE, that is completely hypocritical of everything you ever said, she is everything you ever wanted in a character and you still manage to be angry at rt for it?! Do you even hear yourselves sometimes? You wanna complain about something that is lgbt related? How about the lack of it, we have one, they have shown us they are listening so keep on insisting on that representation. You want to complain how the lack of complex character? Criticize MK for the lack of backstory for a lot of the main character, and a lack of personality shown. You want to complain about villains? HOW ABOUT THE ACTUAL BITTER AND MURDEROUS ONE ADAM FUCKING TAURUS. Stop being so blind jfc, there is so many other obvious things wrong about the points you are complaining about and yet you chose to bash Ilia, fucking incredible.

Rwby has a lot of issue, im not denying that, but its time for the fandom to stop complaining about ships and minor problems that have been fixed. Start critiquing instead of complaining and demanding. RT wont listen to you if you only demand things from them, start showing them explicitly what is wrong with the show and offer them solutions in a calm manner. Showing no evidence and not showing solutions is not critiquing on your part, its pure and simple entitlement. My final point is this. We dont own the show, some of us pay for a subscription, but that doesn't make them any more entitled to demand things from rt about their show. You can absolutely critique them for errors, but do it right. Show them what went wrong, explain why its wrong, and show and explain a possible solution. Complaining and whining isnt critiquing, its entitlement of something we dont own. Im probably missing some things I have thought of pointing out in this, and this is highly opinionated in some parts. But I hope my points do make some sense, and I hope anyone who reads this actual give a thought about the points I made. If you disagree with me, by all means, point out what was wrong with what I said and offer your counter-argument, like I said, some of it is facts and some of it is opinions, so let’s debate.

[bubblesthemonsterartist]

Kiki POV Ever After-- What was she thinking when she let Shirayuki and Obi go in that tree?

Shehas lost count of the days. Days have passed, weeks, she’s sure it’s been atleast a month if not two. Her horse drags along, weary under her weight. If not for Mitsuhide’s constant care, she fears the poor beastmight have already gone lame; as it is, she’s not sure how much longer the marecan endure this chase.

She,too, is worn. They need to stop. To rest. At least for a day. Better if itwere for several. Her bones ache and her thighs are chaffed raw from their never ending pursuit.

“Zen,”Mitsuhide begins, his voice ragged. “We need to stop.”

Zenis silent.

“We’vebeen gone far longer than the King gave you leave for.”

ThePrince shakes his head stubbornly. “She’s close! I can feel her.”

Evenfrom several paces back she can see how Mitsuhide’s body carries its exhaustion, can catch the lines of travel hidden by the scruff of a newly formed beard. “She’s long gone,” he replies, tone gentle but words brutally honest. “Anyone would have taken her the fastest route out of the country.”

“Youdon’t know that.”

Kikikeeps the sigh inside her chest. Mitsuhide does not.

“Youneed to let her go, Zen. She-” he drops his voice, gentling it further still, “Shirayukimade her choice clear.”

“No!”Zen snaps, and their horses flinch, dancing nervously at his vehemence. Hisface turns stricken before he ducks his head. “I mean, I will. I will. Once I know she’s safe. I’ll- I’ll lether go.”

Kikieyes him. And it may be her own fatigue or just the idiocy of the situation,but her tongue loosens. “Then are we planning on haunting these woods until ourhorses fail us?”

Zen’seye flash towards her, lightning in a storm and her own rage roils, threateningto snap right back and—

Mitsuhidemakes a confused sound, his face tilted towards the sky. “Why would a messengerbird be this close to the border?”

Zendoesn’t look away. “It must be news,” he replies evenly, reaching into hiscloak to withdrawal a walnut stone. His expression turns sardonic. “Perhaps itis my royal brother calling me back.”

Kiki’slips purse and she stares back, unblinking. The shrill of the whistle echoesbetween the mountains.

“That’sstrange,” Mitsuhide murmurs after a beat. “I don’t think it heard you.”

Zenfrowns, the whistle caught between his teeth, and he finally breaks eyecontact to stare at the sky, He blows again, the high pitched signal clear inthe autumn air. She turns to watch, too- to see if there is a change. Still thebird does not turn.

Zendrops the call from his lips, staring in confusion. Then, all at once, lifepours into him. “Wait,” Zen breathes. “What direction is that bird headed?”

“…North,”Mitsuhide murmurs, perplexed.

Kiki’s heart drops like a stone.

Zen’seyes pulse wide, surveying the valley below. “Where did it…?”

Hemust know because he doesn’t even finish. He spurs his horse into action,driving the poor beast down the side of the mountain. It’s a wonder it doesn’tfall.

Mitsuhideis only a heartbeat behind.

Itmust be them, she thinks numbly, before following quick on their heels.

Obi. Run.

At the bottom of the valley, she finds them stalled, horses frothing at thebit and riders staring down at the earth between them. Mitsuhide’s expressionis grim when he looks up at her.

“Tracks.They’re fresh.”

Kikibreathes out slowly.

Zenlooks up. “Where do they lea—”

“There!”Mitsuhide yells, pointing towards the river. Kiki’s head snaps to follow.

Shecatches a glimpse, so fast that it might have been a trick of the eye, before they disappear into the forest. But she knows. Theshadow of the wood does nothing to hide the brilliance of Shirayuki’s hair.

“Sonof a bitch,” Zen growls, kicking the side of his horse to give chase.

Sheand Mitsuhide move in tandem this time, icy water soaking their pants andpooling in their boots as they ford the stream. Kiki’s eyes flit through thewood. If she could get to them first…

Theycome into sight again, a dark shadow twined with the color of blood, hand-in-hand, twisting among trees and bushes, here one minuteand gone in the next until they just… disappear.

It’slike they’ve been spirited away by the very essence of the forest.

Branchescreek and leaves shake from every direction, the wind picking up and tuggingviolently at her cloak. Something changes in the air; The woods are no longer adead thing, hidden away until spring.

Achill goes down her spine, the stories her mother had told her as a child about the Old Gods and the power they once held taking hold.

Theyare more powerful, she had said, voice hushed in secret, in the deep of the forest, close to the spaces in-between.

Superstition, her father had countered.

Zenlowers his voice, staring at the canopy with caution. “Fan out.”

Kiki’shands tighten on her reigns as Zen moves away, but before she can move,Mitsuhide’s mount shift closer, their thighs touching for just a brief moment. Hereye lashes flutter in surprise.

“Hey,”he whispers, his face serious. “Be careful. We don’t know what has happened to Obi since we saw him last.”

Whatevercomfort he gave her turns rancid. She nods.

Theysplit up, hooves rustling noisily amongst the dead leaves, cautiously picking theirway between trees. The wind has calmed, the forest going still once more. Perhaps because ofthem, because royalty and nobility and knightliness carries it’s own sacred power. Or perhaps- perhaps it is because of him. Thetang of copper in the chill of the fading autumn sun coats her tongue, and shefeels that vengeful magic hissing curses in the dim.

Kiki will take theplace as Shirayuki’s guard..

Grittingher teeth, she blots out the voice, blots out her memories. Blinking rapidly,she looks up… 

And catches the sight of something in the trees.

Atfirst, she mistakes it for a cardinal, lost in the changing of the seasons, but-

Kikifreezes.

“I know I saw her!” Mitsuhide calls, his voiceechoing deep into her bones.

Her mind scrambles and she speaks before she thinks. “Areyou certain it wasn’t a bird?”

Shedoesn’t need to see Mitsuhide’s face to know that he is hurt. “I know the differencebetween a bird and hair.”

Zenwon’t be deterred. “Stop bickering,” he snaps. “I saw her, too. They couldn’thave gotten far on foot. Split up.”

Softsobbing comes from above.

“Shirayuki! Shirayuki,can you hear me?”

Agasp tears from the bosom of a corpse of trees and Kiki winces.

Shut up.

“Shirayuki!”

Shut up, they canhear!

Thesound is only becoming more hysterical, though; more like then, and it grates along her thin patience, rending it to shreds. She moves closer, looking upthrough the branches and dying leaves.

Theblood drains from her face.

Shirayuki’sface is as red as her hair, blotched with tears and hand digging into a largepalm that almost swallows her face whole. Green eyes rounded in terror when they rest upon hers and Kiki wonders if she has not made a terrible mistake.

Another set of eyes are upon her, though, and they must be dealt with first.

Steeling herself, she meets that wild gaze straight on, and the yellow of his eyes holdmore of a fire than anything humanly made possibly could.

Maybethe Old Gods weren’t dead at all, she thinks idly in the odd sort of calm that walks hand in hand with battle. Maybe they were just starving, pathetic things that crawled alongside mere mortals in search for a sanctuary of their own.

Her hand drops to the hilt of her sword. 

She’dbe willing to kill any number of them.

Obi’s hand mirrors her, releasing Shirayuki’s mouth to touchthe knives at his hip.

So this is finally how it comes to pass.

Kiki smiles grimly, her heart racing in anticipation. Soon. Soon he will descend like Death itself, blades flying and teeth bared. She will have to be fast. Faster than she has ever been before, but she knows his weak point, knows how she might fell him. It will only take her remaining level headed longer than him.

Shirayuki’s handreaches out, grabbing Obi’s in hers, and the fury in his expression guts itself.

Tension drops heavily from her limbs and she looks towards the wayward Princess in askance. 

Shirayukiis staring down at her still, tears pouring freely when she lets go of hishand. “Run, Obi,” she whispers. She can hear it perfectly in the calm. “Leave me.”

Obi’sface becomes unguarded, and oh, how long had it been since she saw a man whose heart was so taken? He grabs her hand, the motion speaking so many words with so little that Kiki is tempted to lookaway. His mouth opens, a single syllable breathed against his Mistress’s hair. 

“No.”

Shirayuki’sface crumbles.

“Kiki!Do you see anything?”

Panicshoots down her spine, her eyes focusing on the sobbing woman against the shadein the trees. Her throat tightens shut, sticky molasses gluing it tightlyclosed.

She’snot a coward. She’s as much of a knight as Clarines will allow.

“Now, Obi, run.”

But it’s not right.

Herhand reaches below her cloak to her coin purse and releases the knot, barelyhearing the clink of metal as it hits the forest floor.

It doesn’t pay the debt. But it is what she can offer.

“Kiki!”

Mitsuhide’svoice is far too close. She turns towards him before he can come any closer. “Ifound tracks!” she replies, turning her horse against the tide. “It looks likethey went ahead!”

“Whatdirection?” Zen replies, his voice closing in on panic.

Shegestures with her chin, leading her horse away.

Andshe is no longer surprised that they can’t hear the way the forest weeps.

[cbk1000]

Part two of BTS of Why Is Jenn the Way She Is What Happened In Her Childhood to Produce This??

This series began and ended with Klaroline, but more importantly, it began and ended with Caroline. Even before TO really got off its feet and horrified us all with its first wobbly preggo steps, I knew it was unlikely that Caroline would play a large role in the show. So that was my goal in the beginning: simply to transplant Caroline into TO, to explore her burgeoning relationship with Klaus, but especially to explore Caroline as the wonderfully flawed and flawless character she is. She was a perfect foil to Klaus: not just romantically, but as a way to explore immortality from a new perspective, to line them up side by side, to show that evolution in its various stages, and at its most extreme ends. Caroline was at the perfect jumping off point for a writer with a boner for tackling all the most difficult questions of immortality: young, poised between humanity and vampirism, with one foot in her old insecurities and the other in her revelations about humanity and relationships. She was fun, she was heartbreaking, she was the very bitchslap Klaus needed when he was in the midst of an unchecked tantrum. She will forever be one of the best characters I've ever had the pleasure of trying to do justice to, and I think her character arc was immense, and thank god for my unrelenting obsession with her, because I never would have found the necessary satisfaction in canon. Canon degraded, regressed, and threw her aside; I wanted to do the exact opposite. I wanted her to climb out of the tiny box of Mystic Falls; I wanted her to realize how shitty and unfulfilling and damaging her time there was; I wanted her to understand that she didn't deserve it. I wanted her to be young and confused and a little lost, but, Jesus, that's ok, you know? She has so long to  grow into herself. And I had three years to follow and document that growth, and frankly, I'm sad it's over, but I'm also proud of where she's at as a character now. As challenging as Klaus was, Caroline was equally difficult. People underestimate Caroline; she's the easy one. She's not the thousand-year-old murderous manbaby who somehow must be shaped into an actual relatable character that human readers can sympathize with.

She's not the easy one; she has so much depth and love in her. The writers underestimated her potential and trapped her in a shitty podunk town with Lieutenant Colonel of the Shitheel Fuckboy Brigade (I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate Stefan), and I could never let that fucking stand, so in reality, even if TO had realized all our most fantastic headcanons, I'd have still shit out a War and Peace-sized brick about why Caroline Forbes is objectively The Best and if you disagree you are wrong.

But most of all, this series was about the Originals and my obviously unhealthy and persistent obsession with them. This is what the goddamn show was supposed to be about: one thousand years of disturbing murder angst. They had the opportunity to examine these characters from various different historical perspectives, to really dig down into the deranged but seemingly unbreakable bonds between some fucked-up but fascinating individuals, and, well, you know what we all got instead. And I was so salty about it that I wrote over half a million words of weird murder fic.  And it was challenging and time-consuming and really, really exhausting sometimes trying to balance all these various different perspectives, to write Rebekah as a terrible bitch who is still somehow heartbreaking, and Klaus as a nearly irredeemable shithead, and Kol my little creepy murder Peter Pan. I spent weeks and often months researching the flashbacks. Random lines and scenes would wake me up in the middle of the night. I neglected Mr. Jenn. (Ask him about how I shut myself up in our bedroom like a hobo and issue strict orders that I am to be disturbed only if the house is on fire, and even then he better have tried everything to put that fucker out before jarring me out of a writing trance.) I poured everything I knew, every skill I had into trying to bring them to life, to understand them, to sympathize with them, to explore their relationships with each other, with history, with humanity in general.

And speaking of relationships...

We come to the other elephant in the room. That cardinal sin, the realm of aqua-haired Mary Sues, the dreaded OC. Poor Tim, precious murder child to some, unsympathetic narrative usurper to others. Tim was never intended to be anything more than a recurring background character who would emphasize just how fucking old these people are. Here's an acquaintance from literally a hundred years ago, just chilling in the same pink-cheeked pretty boy face he had in 1915, because has anyone mentioned how old all these fuckers are? And then I thought, you know what, I wanna' see Klaus turn and mentor someone. I want to see him manipulate and corrupt someone for the sheer joy of it. I want to show what Caroline is really getting into; I want to show all the darkest bits of him. I want everyone to know that this guy doesn't always have a plan; it's not always a scheme. Sometimes, he's just bored and he wants to ruin someone.

And then I sort of started feeling sorry for the poor bastard, because really, he seemed like a nice enough kid, polite, sexually confused in a time period when exploring that confusion would literally get you jailed. Not a slick British guy with dimples and a pun for all seasons; someone painfully awkward, someone with a deep and abiding kindness, no matter what. And then, well, he and Kol started banging, only I made the mistake of developing a friendship first, and there was this oooooohhhh noooooo falling sensation and I realized for better or worse this ship was sailing, and that I had better develop him as an individual outside of their relationship, so here we are, two years later, tap dancing and weird porn and all. He was supposed to be killed off, first before I bothered to delve into him, and later when he was bitten by the werewolves. But I didn't want to write in a shock death, I didn't want to kill him just because I knew some readers really liked him, and I kept coming back to something my sister said to me, which was that gay guys never get the happy ending. And that's true. I've watched a fair amount of LGBT films, and in almost all of them, someone leaves or dies or contracts AIDS, and we all learn a valuable lesson about the dangers of Being Gay. Happy endings are for heteros. That bothered me. A lot. Kol was always going to leave--that was always going to be his ending. But I was much hazier so far as Tim was concerned. I kept coming back to what she said, over and over again. Like, you know what, yeah--yeah. Men aren't supposed to end up together. That's what every movie has taught me. We can maybe excuse women for it, but that's not what Manly Men do. They need to be punished for even trying. So I threw them into the sunset and screamed, "Run, you fuckers!!" and now they're somewhere on a beach, doing it.

This is already too long (story of my life), so I'll just wind it up with this: I'm not a popular writer, and I've wrestled with that over years of posting fanfiction, and I wrestled with it while posting this series, especially as the shows began to jettison their audiences and that began to be reflected in review numbers. You wonder, if it's you, if it's the show. You wonder if anyone is listening. So for everyone who followed this series from the very beginning, who joined up later, for everyone who is still inexplicably here, for even those of you who aren't: thank you. Thank you to those who messaged me, who reviewed, thank you to those who followed silently along, lurking bashfully in my hit numbers. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me, thank you to everyone who talked me through some rough scenes, and some rough feelings. I never really had any faith that I would finish this in a way that satisfied myself or my readers; it was too big a project, too ambitious, too far beyond my abilities. And yet here we are, and you know what? I feel pretty good about it. (Gross but-what-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life-now??? sobbing aside.)

[heirofall]

Oh god this is so long I'm sorry

Okay so I’m making a Bloodswap fanventure (Bc I’m trash ;)) and I heard you did session analyses, so here I am!  It’s kind of like Hivebent, except everyone has different titles and I’m not sure how their personalities would change the outcome.  Here are the players’ info:

Gamzee (Burgundy) –> Bard of Time, Derse dreamer, Land of Tents and Melody. Likes pranks, speaks sign language, killed by a rockslide in a FLARPing incident. Able to hear the voices of the dead. Tends to get quiet at times, but is usually pretty peppy.

Eridan (Bronze) –> Prince of Breath, Derse dreamer, Land of Wrath and Zephyr. Enjoys science, especially chemistry, and is avid in writing Troll Star Trek fanfiction. Spends a lot of time RPing on the internet. Hesitant to try new things. Has a bit of a superiority complex. 

Feferi (Gold) –> Witch of Doom, Prospit dreamer, Land of Dew and Fire. Very sporty, sassy as all getout, loves making terrible jokes. Believes her memes are the best memes on the planet. Will not hesitate to verbally roast a bitch if need be.

Kanaya (Candy) –> Sylph of Blood, Derse dreamer, Land of Rays and Haze. Reserved, loves fashion, decent at painting, dubbed the Mom Friend. Hides blood color from the public by lying, but other than that, very true to her word. Acts like a bronze blood, has candy red.

Terezi (Olive) –> Seer of Heart, Derse dreamer, Land of Thought and Tea. Excited about everything, hoarder of nature themed items, blind and relies on smell, loves bugs to an extreme. Has a very poorly timed sense of humour, and doesn’t have much of a filter.

Karkat (Jade) –> Knight of Space, Prospit dreamer, Land of Pulse and Frogs. Constantly harsh on and unsure of himself. Creative, but never finishes anything he starts. Loves shitty TV shows. Very impatient and blunt. Sees taking care of the Mother Grub as a burden instead of an honour.

Nepeta (Teal) –> Rogue of Mind, Derse dreamer, Land of Little Cubes and Flow. Against the idea of a caste system, quite a troublemaker, very passionate about interests. Never able to decide one thing over another. Very brash at times, but is able to take charge when needed.

Equius (Cobalt) –> Heir of Light, Prospit dreamer, Land of Caves and Treasure. Very adventurous, loves exploring. Very good at programming various types of software. Very superstitious, and is adamant about his beliefs. Not controlling, but can be pushy at times. Has all the luck. All of it.

Vriska (Indigo) –> Thief of Void, Prospit dreamer, Land of Maps and Silence. Quiet, very antisocial, stays in the background most of the time. Steampunk trash. Somewhat of a kleptomaniac, mainly steals writing utensils. Good at keeping secrets, often successfully lies through things.

Aradia (Purple) –> Maid of Rage, Prospit dreamer, Land of Quartz and Mirth. Often feels unattached to reality, disassociates quite a bit. Usually angry at herself and afraid of disappearing. Often questions belief in the Mirthful Messiahs. Can be very stubborn, but is good at cheering people up.

Tavros (Violet) –> Page of Hope, Prospit dreamer, Land of Sand and Angels. Very optimistic, sees the glass as half-full. Quite naive, willing to believe anything anyone says. Loves animals, probably vegetarian. Calms Sollux’s lusus with paps instead of killing lusii to keep her quiet.

Sollux (Fuchsia) –> Mage of Life, Derse (and Prospit) dreamer, Land of Brains and Glass. Talkative, impulsive, likes diving right into things. Interested in video games and coding. Has low self esteem, covers it up with a self-deprecating joke and an “ayy lmao.” Doesn’t handle responsibility well.

The first big problem they face is the fact that Sollux decided it was a good idea to prototype his two-headed Horrorterror lusus, because now the Black King is really big. Great job, Sol. Assuming they defeat the Black King, the next part of the plan is for the Black Queen to grow vengeful and hop into the Kidswap Betas’ session, grow stronger like Jack Noir did, and return to the trolls’ session to possibly erase their chances of success.

They also keep getting “pestered” by an overly-excitable Heir of Space (John), a pop-punk cool kid Seer of Time (Rose), a creepily cutesy Witch of Light (Jade), and an awkward bedroom-dwelling Knight of Breath (Dave). It’s kind of like how the kids were trolled in their session except the opposite.

I’m still working on the human session and how the Black Queen’s going to do the thing, and I might come back to ask about the kid session, but my main focus is the trolls right now. What do you think their success rate would be?? I’m so sorry this was so long ugh

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Okay, before I even get into it, two things. One: this has been sitting in my inbox for way too long and I am so sorry, and two i absolutely LOVE the classpects of the beta kids, but I’ll get to them later! 

On with the lengthy analysis!

So, let’s get something out of the way. You have the same classes and aspects, just shuffled around. Therefore I don’t even need to address the active/passive balance, Knight, Space and Time players, and everything else present. We’re all pretty familiar with that stuff as it is! Things are looking pretty good!

You’ve given me literally everything about the characters, so for that alone I’m going to put in as much effort as I can muster for this. Thank you so much, it helps a lot. 

Well, why don’t we go in blood caste order!

Gamzee

First off is Gamzee and OH BOY ALARM BELLS!!! Almost all of the classpects in this session I’ve dealt with before and the Bard of Time is no exception! A destruction class with any cardinal aspect is big danger, but as far as they go I would be tempted to say Bard of Time is one of the more preventable (nowhere near as dangerous as its active counterpart, but still dangerous!).

Most of his personality quirks seem to align themselves with not being too destructive at all, actually! A dead Bard of Time is the best kind of Bard of Time imo, so hopefully you’ve saved yourself a bit there! However, if you really want to cause some havoc, the Bard of Time could direct people in the complete wrong direction and, as a ghost, have no regard for stable time loops at all, causing a lot of problems (THAT COULD EVEN LEAD TO THE RISE OF LE if you’re going for that of course lmao). This Gamzee actually seems like a pretty chill dude, so hopefully he’ll be ok! I can see him being friends with Karkat and maybe even Equius! He would need to make sure his pranks didn’t get the better of him and lead him on a destructive rampage!

Eridan

Oh lord you are after my own heart. My favourite Prince (one of my god tiers >:D) and a fantastic role for Eridan, the Prince of Breath is one of the least “Bad News” Princes in the game. You definitely seem to know what you’re talking about too, as a Prince of Breath would be hesitant to try new things (or outright destroy them!) and would definitely have a bit of a superiority complex! 

If you want to look it in a positive way, Eridan could forge bonds in the team out of the destroyed freedom, or even destroy the freedom of the enemy! If you want to make Eridan the bad guy he is in the canon, you could get him to destroy the freedom and confidence of the team, possibly by blowing up their meteor, chopping someones legs off, etc! It’s up to you to decide!

Feferi

Oh thank god, the best Feferi. I love your writing of her so much (incidentally, if you end up making this let me know!). 

The Witch of Doom Feferi would be able to manipulate and control the Doom in the session or just in general! No one would be dying on her watch, and could take the death or restrictions of the team and place it upon the enemy! If any member of the team were to sacrifice themselves, much like a Rogue of Doom Feferi could move that sacrifice onto the enemy!

I can still see Feferi being friends with the same people, possibly even more!

Kanaya

Now if there was ever a counter to the Prince of Breath, this would be it! Well... apart from a Sylph of Breath but that’s beside the point!

Kanaya being the Sylph of Blood would be able to mend any relationship or bond in the session, making it one with great teamwork! The dubbing of her being the “Mom Friend” would be very accurate indeed, as she would Meddle And Fuss in relationship and make sure that everyone was getting along!

Of course, I could definitely see a rift between her and Eridan, as they each would take different approaches toward teamwork and making friends (or making people be friends with others!). That is a little of an oversimplification, but we really don’t know a whole lot about her class and her aspect!

Terezi

Being the Seer of Heart, Terezi would work very well with Kanaya, instincively knowing an awful lot about people’s emotions, and be able to read people very well, despite being blind! In terms of personality differences based on the change of aspect, I could see (hehe) her changing the most! 

Although she would be able to read people well, she may struggle with knowing how to use this information and when to apply it, as well as possibly not knowing her own sense of belonging and identity, leading to some possible complications. A good moirail would be useful, possibly even Kanaya!

She may also find it hard to know when to use her emotions, which would go well with her poor comedic timing and over-excitable personality! However, through the adventure she would learn to deal with this!

Karkat

Gee, I really don’t know why you’re coming to me, because this is a very adept analysis of Karkat is he was to be a Knight of Space! Again, love the classpect, a personal favourite.

I can see this classpect working very well with Karkat’s already existing temperament, as his creations would be very good and interesting, but he would see them as pointless and awful, going as far as to stop working on them simply because he thinks he isn’t good enough. Knight of Space and inferiority/self-confidence go together like (enter witty Homestuck reference here), and I can definitely back it up on this one! Karkat would definitely struggle with raising the mother grub and breeding the Genesis Frog, but with good enough support I can definitely feel like he can do it!

The main problem here is that the Space player instructs the Knight, and if someone is a Knight of Space, perhaps they would need to be guided by...nothing? By that I mean VOID PLAYER!

Karkat would definitely have a lot of room to grow, but largely it would be quite similar to his canon arc, just with space instead of leadership!

Nepeta

Rogue of Mind is a classpect which I haven’t had much to do with, but that doesn’t mean I don’t work with it! Nepeta would have trouble applying herself when it comes to analysis and calm-headedness, but would learn how to use her talents of the Mind! 

Nepeta would have a general ability for Mind but not realize it, which may go hand in hand with her thinking the caste system is a bad idea (because it is!!). She, like you mentioned, would have trouble deciding on things, as she may wax and wane on issues which are actually pretty important, and not understand the gravity of the situation.

I LOVE the idea of a troublemaker Nepeta, and I feel like with her personality she would be ok at it! Maybe she could hang out with Gamzee sometimes (do i hear moirail in order to protect the timeline? i think i do >:))

Equius

I’m glad to see Equius get a bit of light! He deserves all of the luck (aaaaaaaall of it!). 

Equius would hold fast in what he thinks is right and good in the world, and would often be protected by his own good luck. The Heir of Light is quite similar to the Heir of Hope, but there are definitely differences! Equius would often strike the jackpot when adventuring and exploring, adding to his already substantial hoard of money and treasure, thanks to his good luck. 

Equius would be superstitious, of course, and would probably cop flack about it from his peers, and may be subconscious about it!

Vriska

Ah, the Vrisk. I take back what I said about Terezi, this is definitely the most unlike the original character! That’s perfectly fine though!

Vriska, as the Thief of Void, would do the exact opposite of what she does in the canon source, as in she would take away the insignificance from things! She would enable other people to shine brightly, but may use this darkness and irrelevance to wreak some kleptomaniac trouble! Perhaps she and Equius could be in a mutually beneficial relationship, with her providing him relevance and him providing her cool steampunk stuff!

Vriska would definitely steal stuff, and I would imagine that she would be an avid hoarder of other peoples secrets, loving to get some sweet goss to blackmail people if she needed! She would be a master manipulator from and with the shadows, but would still be pretty well liked!

Aradia

Aradia would have issues with internalized Rage, and would rely on other people for power, anger, and other things related to her aspect.

She would also suffer from Rage a bit, like how Jane as the Maid of Life suffers from having so much energy to do things but is restricted!

Aradia would definitely feel unattached, due to her questioning of her own anger and emotions, and may sometimes rely too much on the wrong people, who either manipulate her or simply can’t or won’t help.

Despite that, she would end up being very good at using her anger to create things and directly heal others, possibly through sheer determination! She would be very powerful and may simply, in some kind of purple frenzy, create the end for many of her enemies! I haven’t looked much into the Maid of Rage, but you can count on her being equally as scary!

Tavros

Well, we’re in luck here because we’ve already got a canon Page of Hope, our buddy Jake English who, funnily enough, Tavros is quite good friends with! 

I can definitely see Tavros as a good Page of Hope, and being very optimistic and guillible, definitely to a fault. Just like in the source material, I could still see Vriska manipulate him a bit, but with Tavros having a bit more confidence and a hell of a lot more power in terms of blood type, he wouldn’t have much of a problem!

I could actually see Tavros progress quite nicely, either that or being killed in some kind of horrific accident with Sollux’s lusus! I also love that Tavros paps the lusii. Adorable.

Sollux

My man Sollux. I’ll be honest, I’m totally bias and I LOVE Sollux, and this is probably going to be longer, as not only do I love Sollux, but I also have quite the extensive knowledge of the Mage of Life!

Like Mage of Doom Sollux, Mage of Life Sollux would suffer from bipolar, probably worse than he already has it, due to him suffering from life and energy. He would be a lot more free and able to do what he wants, but would still struggle with the fact that there is a fixed amount of Life for everything.

Like any good person suffering from Life, he would be very impulsive and talkative, like you state, as he would act first and think later. He would also struggle with authority, like other Life players do, and being in a high position in the caste would make him not be able to handle responsibility well.

====================================================

Well, you seem to have done a pretty good job so far! You’ve got enough complications to make something bad happen, but also enough good things to maybe not let everyone die!

Beta Kids

I’m not going to analyse the Beta kids, but I will tell you that you’ve definitely got the right idea, and I encourage you to be confident with their personalities! John and Rose wouldn’t change much, but Jade and Dave would be influenced by their aspect. It’s fine as you have it though! I would love to see their interactions with the trolls!

Overall Analysis

Depending on how you want things to go, I could give this between a 50% of success and a 90% chance of success! The characters would work quite well together, and I can definitely see a lot of different dynamics at work! If you ever end up making this a thing, link me it, it sounds really interesting!

And that is THAT done! Hope you enjoyed!

[joshuazev]

On taxonomy: N-Z

Never has there been a time since I’ve been alive where racists have been this comfortable.  When I was growing up, the “n” word was taboo amongst white people.  You’d hear minorities and people from ethnic backgrounds using it freely, but a white person saying it just wasn’t a thing.  A lot of that was just me being naive.  The word, like all cancers, has a way of hanging around and coming back even stronger even when you think it might not be there anymore.  As I got older I started noticing white people saying it more frequently.  The way I was brought up and the way I trained myself growing up, the word made me cringe.  It was like a screech being set off inside my body or an alarm that was trying to break my ear drums every time I heard it mentioned.  And it was weird because I sometimes wondered whether my reaction to the word was stronger than when used in a black circle amongst each other.  I wondered if black men and women had been so desensitized to the word that it began to mean nothing.  This was of course in a circle with black men and black women.  If a white person directed it at a black person, there was maximum sensitivity.  That wasn’t just a fighting word if used in that way, that was a “you’re about to get fucked up” type word.  I always wondered how the word was passed down in white circles.  Or any circle for that matter, but especially white ones.  Did white people hear the word in music and figured it would be OK to use it, too?  Was it something their parents said, so they thought they would also be allowed to use it freely?      

Once Trump got elected, the world started to unhinge.  Every white person who knew who Trump was probably rejoiced at the amount of fuckery and tomfoolery that they could now get away with with him at the helm.  We can call women bitches now and grab their pussies?  We can call black people the “n” word and be called fine people?  I swear, I want to see the documentary that hasn’t been made yet (if it has I don’t know about it) about a kid being born to racist parents and watching the kid grow up to become a racist too or maybe not, who knows?  Seeing the age in which he or she starts to exhibit racist behavior and seeing if it’s just a matter of being a copycat or if the parents have a bigger role in the infection process.  Do racists act racist because they like the attention because to a non-racist it seems fundamentally and inherently wrong to believe some of the shit that racists do.  I can’t be the only one who wonders if Trump uses the “n” word when no one is watching.  I mean, that’s got to be a given at this point right?  And if he does then his sons probably use it pretty casually.  Do teachers in old school, dirty south areas drop it as freely?  

People at baseball games were using the “n” word this year.  Couldn’t have been the first time.  Adam Jones made sure to address it, but it unfortunately won’t be the last time you hear a fan use it at a sporting event.  The president of NASCAR said that if anyone kneeled or protested during the anthem, they would be fired—essentially reiterating the exact hope of what Trump had for the NFL.  I was going to be dismissive and say, “Who the fuck watches NASCAR anyway,” but that’s a Cardinal sin that I’ve been making too often lately.  I probably need to do more research, but NASCAR seems to be a southern and midwest type of vibe.  Not sure how much love it’s getting from the Northeast or Northwest, but maybe I’m wrong.  If that’s the case then I’m just highlighting the divide between the coasts and the midwest, the rural and the urban, etc.  I thought even basketball was immune to hearing that at games considering it’s a sport dominated by black people (the majority of the fans are white, though).  Years ago Marcus Smart pushed a fan who called him the “n” word.  The color commentary called Smart’s retaliation disgusting.  I don’t think anyone knows what the fuck is going on anymore.  Greg Popovic made a statement the other day that this country is an embarrassment to the world.  Think about that.  Not just to ourselves but the entire world.  We got half of the country acting like children, maturing at the rate that baby grass grows in Death Valley.  

Questions usually get answers unless your name is Donald J. Trump.  Trump would most certainly own slaves if slavery was a thing today.  If you want to make the argument that he’s still a slave owner, you probably could.  This is somebody that would probably welcome a civil war.  He’d probably have a ridiculous amount of protection and stay in one of his classic old white manors that used to be the house of slave owners hundreds of years ago.  Trump embodies all those sick fucking people we see in movies.  The Leonardo DiCaprio character of Django Unchained or the Michael Fassbender character of 12 Years a Slave.  I secretly am hoping Melania does it.  I don’t want to say stuff like that, but at the same time, think about how freely people were plotting against the Hitlers and the Mussolinis and the Francos and the Amins.  I don’t think it’s reached that level yet, but it doesn’t mean that discussion can’t be kept alive.  Melania…we’re counting on you.  Maybe Melania pulls the old switcheroo like the Marion Cotillard character in “The Dark Knight Rises.”  We’re over here thinking that Bane is the one, but really it’s her.  

Reason has gotten lost in the new world of No-rhyme.  There doesn’t seem to be much of a reason to do anything anymore, except fight.  Gotta keep on fighting.  The Republican Party reminds me of a being that has aphasia, which is the loss of ability to understand or express speech.  In other words, that party can find it’s equal in the form of John McCain’s brain, which might not even be the right example considering it’s still somewhat healthy.  But you know what I mean.  On it’s last legs.  Indecisive.  Preposterous.  Decaying.  Dying.  Suzan Lori Parks’ last four plays that I’ve seen include “Death of the Last Black Man”, “Venus”, “In The Blood”, and “Fucking A.”  All of them were written several years ago, I believe.  Some in the early 90’s, some in the late 90’s.  She focuses on issues that couldn’t be more relevant today.  The black man as an endangered species, a subject for exploitation, the dystopia that they experience within their communities, and abortion.  

So many fucked up things going on that it’s almost pointless to focus on the good.  That might be a pessimistic way to look at things, but think about it.  You go on with your day and you’re privileged and you’re experiencing the fruits of what the world has to offer, but your colleague doesn’t.  Your neighbors don’t.  The people in the community a few blocks over live in peril.  In fear.  I don’t have any problem reminding people that this is the most selfish era there has ever been.  Too many ways to escape from someone else’s suffering, if you ask me.    

The present isn’t much of a present at all, right now.  The “right now” is a gift bag full of coals.  A heavy time that’s hard to breathe and is doing all in its power to put us all to sleep.  Nowadays, what are we even in control of?  Think about how many other factors go into something like that.  You got the FBI, the CIA, the IRS keeping tabs on you at all times.  You got local law enforcement watching you like hawks and then you got the unseen forces that might be the most dangerous ones of them all.  The drones floating in the atmosphere that could kill you at any moment.  The satellites circling the world waiting to pounce on your every move and then the new age fuckboys, the “hacks”, who can and might already be stealing your information as we speak.  Who is really safe anymore?  There’s definitely a hierarchy in the grand scheme of things, but the fact is, if some Russians wanted to make Trump’s life miserable, they could do it.  I along with many others wonder why they don’t.

Up until maybe a month ago, I thought I could only go on tangents like these when I was super high, but apparently that’s not the case because I haven’t smoked in forever.  I sound like your every day conspiracy theorist right now.  Talking in circles, mentioning everybody, mentioning everything, and mentioning a whole lot of nothing as well.  In a world where stupid things are happening all the time and stupid words have the spotlight, it’s easy to feel like you’re becoming stupid, too.  Sap story vomit.  A whole bunch of blah blah blah mixed in with a bunch of journalism verbatim and gobbledygook.  

Very rarely have I felt so mentally active and so consequently dormant in my life.  It’s weird when not everything in your life is on the same page, when it’s not what you want, where you want to be.  I like to talk about the yelling exercise in acting class, but another one of my favorites is when we get to yell and punch the air.  You can beat the shit out of the air, but it’s so damn strong that you can never knock it out.  The harder you punch air, the more it knocks you out.  Sometimes it hits you out of nowhere and sometimes it gradually beats you up.  Who is happy anymore?  I want to know.  I want to go to that seminar.  The woman or man who is genuinely happy because when you start to feel low you start to hope that everyone else is low too and therefore, you don’t have to be alone anymore.  

What else can you do?  Who else can you trust?  Who can you turn to if you don’t want to bring anyone down with you?  Why do the same things happen over and over and over and over and over and over again to the point in which your head feels like the heaviest thing in your body and in your brain you’re holding your head in your hands.

Xanthum gum is safe when up to 15 grams per day are taken.  It can cause some side effects such as intestinal gabs (flatulence) and blasting.  

Your turn.

Zoo: a facility in which human beings are housed within enclosures, displayed to the once captive animals, and in which they may also breed.