#he technically vets them in the sense that they're all like him in some way shape or form these days

[izvmimi]

Queen Mimi, does Izuku need to vet the new guys before they can join the harem?

empress* and also no but he wishes he could LMAOOOOO

[riddlerosehearts]

some thoughts on riddle's future career

i've seen a lot of fanart and fics where riddle is portrayed as becoming a doctor in the future, and a lot where he instead becomes a lawyer, and honestly i love it all because i just enjoy any version of adult riddle where he gets to be healthy and happy with his life!! but i've also seen some people say they dislike and/or don't understand why anyone would want riddle to be a doctor, when that's what his mother wants him to be and when he's expressed an interest in pursuing law instead. and i completely get where that point of view is coming from! it's understandable to want riddle to choose a career that's completely separate from his abusive mother, from the plans that she had for him and the trauma she inflicted on him, and it makes perfect sense to have him decide to become a lawyer because of that. on the other hand, though... i don't feel like that would be as easy and perfect of a solution as it sounds, and i also don't think having him be a doctor necessarily means he's just doing what his mother wanted either.

riddle discusses his interest in studying law with azul during book 6, while they're traversing the tower at STYX together. he explains that as both of his parents are medical mages, he'd originally planned to go into the same field after graduating, but now he's unsure whether or not he wants to do so--he says that ever since becoming the dorm leader of heartslabyul, he's developed an interest in law. riddle became dorm leader only a week after enrolling at NRC, and what did he spend the majority of his time doing since then? obsessively enforcing the rules in a way that was both needlessly strict and unhealthy for him, because his mother did the same to him and made him believe that that was the only way to be happy and successful. i'm not saying i think he'd be anything other than a great lawyer, and in fact he'd likely have a heightened awareness of how the law can be twisted and used to cause harm! personally i really like the thought of him specializing in family law! but i am saying that i'm not so sure his interest in the law can be untangled from the abuse he suffered at the hands of his mother anymore easily than his interest in medicine can be. and that i think he'd initially struggle with questions like, is this really the path he wants to choose? is he really passionate about it for his own reasons and not just because of the cruel way his mother raised him? is he really fit for the job given the kind of person he was in the past?

and if riddle decided to pursue medicine, of course he'd struggle with that as well! it's what his parents have always expected of him, and what he'd always planned on doing up until recently when his entire worldview was suddenly turned upside down. of course he'd worry about whether it's a good idea for him to continue following in his parents' footsteps, about the fear of becoming like his mother, and again, about whether or not he's truly interested in it for his own reasons. but i see no reason why medicine couldn't be something he's genuinely passionate about and chooses to pursue because unlike his mother, he's grown into a caring person who wants to take the knowledge and skills she taught him and use them to help others. there are two options in particular here that i really love: first, what if he became a vet? technically still a medical field, but not what people think of when you say you're going to be a doctor (and in fact, vets are often wrongly thought of as not "real" doctors so there's a chance his parents would look down on this decision!). it's distinct from his parents' work and includes his love of animals in his career. or, what if he became a pediatrician? this option is honestly my favorite because it allows riddle, as someone who was a victim of child abuse, to become someone who helps heal kids and does everything he can to make them feel safe when he treats them. he would also be able to recognize the signs of abuse and provide extra help to kids who need it, and there are even pediatricians who are specially trained to diagnose and treat suspected victims and work with child welfare and law enforcement in doing so!

or for a third option, a friend of mine suggested this half-jokingly but i genuinely like the idea enough that i have to mention it: riddle could work in the medical field but instead of actually being a doctor he could get a job as a medical records reviewer, evaluating hospital reports and patient records to make sure everything that occured was fair and ethical and that no medical negligence or malpractice took place. that would allow him to channel his interest in rules and laws into something healthy while working to prevent abuse of the medical system, and combine both of these fields of interest!

he could also just do something entirely different, though i think he would probably struggle at least a little with his feelings about his parents and whether he's making the right choice no matter what career he chooses. but i also think riddle has the skill and the drive to succeed at whatever he sets his mind to--azul said the same thing, after all, and even advised him to try his hand at anything he finds interesting!

[symbioticsimplicity]

This post by @ellewritesandrants got me thinking about Will and Billy bonding, which is something I don't see often enough.

I think it would be really awkward to start. Honestly I think Billy bonding with any of the Party members would be incredibly awkward to start with. But Will and Billy have a lot of common ground tbh. Finding their way to it would just be...hard.

In an Billy Lives AU I'm imagining El and Max are the most likely to visit him in the hospital. Max learned how much she actually cares about him when she nearly lost him, and El has seen some of the deepest parts of his mind and knows hes more like a kicked dog than an actually horrible person.

They go keep him company almost every afternoon, to the point where one if the others, probably Mike makes a comment about it. Something something why are you wasting your time on Billy Hargrove of all people something something He's really not that bad when someone isn't constantly attacking him something something.

It gets brought up, probably by Dustin, that technically he killed a bunch of people, almost including them. That's when Will chimes in, because hey no Mindflayer murders shouldn't count against the Flayed. Dustin realizes his mistake and tries to backpedal, while maintaining that Will was different since Will was fighting it, obviously.

This does not have the intended effect. If anything Will seems more upset because how do you know he wasn't fighting it??? Fighting a mindflayer looks like your body sitting in place for hours while you're scratching at the walls of your own mind, screaming and trying to get back to yourself. None of them knew Billy well enough to know if he had just given in to the mindflayer. Or in Max's case, she hadn’t been home enough to know.

Someone, probably Lucas (which from his perspective is absolutely justified, btw, wanna be very clear on that), mutters that given what he was like before, he can't really picture Billy fighting being evil.

That pisses off Max, El, and Will.

Max snaps about how none of them knew what it was like for him at their house, for either of them for that matter. While he was a dick, yeah, he wasn’t just like that. He isn't evil any more than Max herself is, even though she can be a little much sometimes.

El is frowning when she explains what she actually did to get him to break the mindflayer's control, and it was essentially just reminding him that someone has cared about him at one point in his life. Reaching out to show him the smallest bit of kindness had been enough to let him break the mental hold of a creature that El herself had had trouble fighting.

And Will. Will storms out of the house, now determined to actually ask Billy himself because he's starting to get the sense that no one really ever has.

Billy is surprised to see Will when he gets there, having not ever really talked to the kid. From what he'd seen, he was shy and soft spoken, non-confrontational. It was almost alarming to see him roll up with a fire in his eyes.

His voice is still soft when he talks though, when he apologizes for storming in and asks if he can ask him some things. Billy is bored out of his mind and decides, what the hell, lets see where this goes.

So they talk.

It starts off just being about mindflayer stuff, given that they're really the only two people who can understand what that's like. Will never realized how...good?? It would feel to have someone to really talk to about it?? Billy is obviously still a little gun shy about it, but hearing that that's what happened to Will when he went missing, that he had to go through an experience that horrific at such a young age, immediately vaults him over a lot of Billy's walls. Its the worst kind of common ground, the kind found between vets after a war has ended.

Will attempts to place a hand over Billy's, which garners a flinch, and another piece of common ground is unearthed. Will knows that reaction, has seen Jonathan do it, has done it himself, knows his mom makes an effort to keep her own flinches under wraps.

He wants to hug him, if he's honest. Knows he could probably use it, but also knows that now isn't exactly the time.

Will doesn't mention the flinch and Billy doesn't either, but Will files it away for later.

After that, Will starts joining the girls when they go to visit Billy. They talk more, and for longer as Billy starts getting his energy back. Its weird to Billy, who's not had anything resembling an actual family, but he starts to develop affection for these kids who keep choosing to spend time with him.

He's still slow to truly trust, especially people who he should be able to trust like family, but hes learning. Its slow and its made of small steps like a newborn fawn learning to walk, but Billy starts to open up to them.

He tells El how he misses his Mom, but at the same time he thinks he hates her. El tells him how she feels about her own parents, and how she's still not fully sure about it.

He finally tells Max what Neil did to him when she asks. Little bits and pieces, never anything graphic, but enough that she can understand why he acted the way he did. He apologizes again, and this time when she hugs him and tells him she forgives him, its not with the looming knowledge that he's about to die hanging above them.

He tells Will how scared he's always been about someone catching him looking at his friends for just a little too long. Will hadn’t told him how he feels about Mike, but Billy isn't stupid. He could hear it in the way he talked about him, the way he smiled. He takes the leap first since Will took the leap to get close in the first place. Billy ends up being the first person Will properly comes out to, and Will cries for a good ten minutes because its as relieving as it is terrifying. Billy swears to take the secret to his grave. Its the first time Will hasn't felt like a freak because of something about himself that he can't change, and its the first time Billy hasn't either.

Just....Billy and Will being really ride or die for each other.

[pyreflydust]

There's also something to be said about the differences between loss you expect and loss you don't. Most of the human deaths I've experienced when I was old enough to remember were of people whose deaths I anticipated. My grandmother had cancer before I was even born and she lived until I was 20. My uncle had been given six months to live and lived another two years. My grandfather's dementia had gotten so bad in the last few years of his life specifically because he had been having little strokes for years before the big one happened, which takes its toll.

But that is also why the point about a shared pet she made also hit pretty hard. Because when Nana passed, I became responsible for the three cats she left behind and the first to go was the one that was most attached to her. On one hand, he was the oldest -- I believe two years younger than I was, so he made it to 19! -- which in that sense made it easier. But losing him only 5 months after she died and the way he died right near her chair as if he was trying to find her broke me. (The fact I had no way to get him to the vet over the weekend because no one would bring me out of town with him did not help because all I could do was try to keep him comfortable.)

Of the three of them, Taffy was the hardest even thought Buttons was the youngest and most sudden. (I also wasn't in the country when he died so I didn't get any control over the vet visit either as he was technically my grandfather's cat.) Kappy was difficult because it ended up coming down to me having to make the choice, but he stayed with me the longest after and I knew how bad his health was getting.

I had known all three of them most, if not all, of their lives. They were family. But they were more like little furry uncles or cousins than my children. So none of them hurt even a quarter as much as losing Honey did. Which brings me to the other point I wanted to make before I started rambling.

In our 12 and a half years together, there were only two days (when I had to be in the hospital) where I didn't see her at all during those days. A few times I stayed out over night, but I always saw her before I left and again when I came back the next day. Not more than two days in 12 1/2 years (and not at all in over 12 years) did I not see my baby.

I can't say that about anyone else. I've not even seen my mother every single day for a 12 year stretch. If you lose a human family member that you don't even talk to every day, let alone see every day, it's going to take a little longer to fully process them being gone a lot of the time. Some part of your brain is more likely to be like lalala they're just not here that's fine they usually aren't lalala.

When Honey died, my brain kept trying to tell me she was just in the bathroom. It was summer and she loved sitting on the toilet lid in summer because it was cooler. But then I'd go in there and she wouldn't be there and I'd break again.

And if you live alone, you carry that alone and that makes it so much heavier.

[marastriker]

Rustnoose for the fandom questions please?

This is Rusty and Canoose for people that aren't familiar with the alternate fanon name

What is each member’s love language?

Rusty is very verbal and sfw physical when showing affection BV is gift giving, of course, but with some nsfw physical affection thrown in there as well

What would they describe as their perfect date?

Rusty is so not picky, he's just happy to spend time with the person he loves, but BV needs everything to be perfect or he'll feel like a failure.

Who made the first move?

Depends on universe - but, overall probably BV.

Who is more sentimental?

Rusty, he's so sappy and sweet. It's just in his nature.

Which member calls the other in to kill the spiders?

Rusty, he does not like bugs at all.

Who falls asleep first?

Rusty, sleeby boi

Who wakes up first?

BV, he doesn't sleep super long every night anyway

Who is more more relaxed/carefree?

BV, overall. He's a very go with the flow kind of guy

What’s one way their personalities compliment one another? (Is it opposites attract or are they pretty similar?)

Definitely more opposites attract, BV helps Rusty to be more outspoken and sure of himself and Rusty helps BV learn that it's okay to be vulnerable sometimes

Who is always cold?

BV, Rusty has his firebox. Rusty keeps him warm in the winter

Which member is always trying to bring home stray animals and which member always has to say no?

Rusty will feel bad for any stray that he sees, but has good enough sense to take them to a vet/shelter so technically neither

Who worries more?

Rusty, he is noivus

What are some non-sexual activities they do together?

Picnics or fine dining, depending on who's the focus that night (Bee also loves wine tastings) Also dancing and karaoke but Rusty loves arts and crafts so sometimes they'll do like a painting or pottery class

Who would be able to talk their way out of a speeding ticket?

BV, absolutely, 100% - the officer would be apologizing to him

Who is the better cook?

Neither of them are bad, but BV is a bit better only cause he had to take care of himself (and CB) for a while

What are some things they don’t agree on?

Ohohohoho. This is a cause of some arguments honestly, cause they both have hills they will die on. A big one is if Greaseball's gang is picking on or hurting Rusty, BV will want to fight them BUT Rusty is insistent on not fighting violence with violence and Bee is like, "well what the fuck do I do, ask them nicely to stop? That's not going to work"

Which member is more physically affectionate?

They're both pretty close, ngl....but Rusty consistently wants cuddles

Which member is more verbally affectionate?

Also very close, but I'd say Bee is usually a bit better with words

How does each member feel about PDA?

Rusty is kinda iffy about it at first, but they both are fine with it - BV secretly just wants everyone to know that he's capable of caring for someone other than himself.

Who’s the safer driver?

BV, weirdly enough. Rusty can be a bit impulsive when driving

What’s each member flirting style?

Rusty will show rather than tell, like "I saw this thing that made me think of you" whereas BV is a smoothtalker 100%

Which member steals borrows the other ones clothing?

Rusty sometimes borrows BV's clothes cause he wants to look cool but it doesn't really work for him

Who is the cuddle initiator?

They both can be, but mostly Rusty

Are they an introverted couple or an extroverted one—AKA would they prefer to go out to a party or event together or would they rather stay in?

Weird to answer, because Rusty leans more toward introverted and BV leans more toward extroverted. They compromise by doing both.

Who is the big/little spoon?

BV is def big spoon for Rusty 9 times out of 10.

Who is more likely to make an impulsive decision and who is the voice of reason?

It SO depends? On what the situation is? Usually BV is pretty impulsive and Rusty has to rationalize, but sometimes Rusty can make some hasty (read: stupid) decisions too, that put the voice of reason on B.

Who’s more likely to laugh at their own jokes?

Both of them, actually. But they make very different jokes.

Who takes longer showers?

BV, he's gotta look good 24/7.

Who is “more loved” by the in-laws?

Rusty is always loved by the in laws no matter what but there actually aren't any in laws to love him in this universe, so. Sad.

Who is more likely to get jealous?

Rusty, because he doesn't feel like he's really all that attractive. BV looking at Carrie or Elektra in a specific way could set him off, it doesn't take much :(

What was the most surprising thing they learned about one another once they started dating?

BV learned that Rusty has a more wild and adventurous side, though it took a lot of time for him to really show it. Rusty learned how genuinely sweet BV can really be, ESPECIALLY when he gets Noodle.

Who stays up way too late and who tries to drag them to bed?

BV stays up way too late and Rusty always has to beg him to come to sleep. He wants to cuddle :(

Who’s messier?

Rusty, he doesn't necessarily mean to be though.

Which member is more likely to accidentally spend $300 at Target?

Rusty, but it only happened ONCE, okay?

Who wanted/would want kids first?

Probably, actually most definitely, Rusty, honestly. Rusty's always wanted kids eventually.

Who gives piggy back rides to the other?

BV would give Rusty piggy back rides occasionally, but not all the time.

Who fell in love first?

BV did, but Rusty made it a lot more obvious first. Rusty always wears his heart on his sleeve, so <3

[randomnameless]

Also remember Jahn literally saw all of his comrades killed during the fiercest battle of the Scouring and as far as he knows from Zephiel, is the last true dragon, PERIOD. That would make someone distrustful. Imagine a Vietnam vet stranded on an island for years..whom also thinks they're the last person of their race alive and the enemy still wants to kill them, you try talking sense to them. Short version, Athos circumstances were much difference than Jahn's.

Well, so Jahn doesn't consider Idunn to be a true dragon?

Because he and his comrades destroyed her soul or because she was a divine dragon, thus not a "regular" dragon like him?

I doubt a Vietnam vet could send illusions from his stranded island to look for someone, but supposing he can because he drank some sort of radioactive Dr Pepper -

He thinks he is the last person of his race alive, save for the mute and recluse old woman living near, whom he and his division, uh, abused to the point where she lost her soul.

Roy, a young vietnamese man, asks him to tell him his story. Jahn doesn't see why not, and accepts if Roy proves himself worthy, that is manages to survive and capture 6 flags.

If Jahn thinks Roy is out to kill him, he would not be bothering with this farce and would have killed him before telling him his story, but maybe he is really bored - the old broken woman sadly doesn't talk a lot. Also, earlier, Jahn met Zephiel, an older vietnamese man, who didn't want to kill him on spot. So he knows they're not all trying to kill him.

-Roy listens to the vet's story, and the vet even manages to explain that everything he was taught in his highschool was bullshit. He still manages to slip some disgusting takes like "you vietnamese people are truly odd and don't think like we do".

At one point, Jahn fully embraces his nauseabond views and says "vietnamese and american people can never live together in harmony, the gap between our species is impossible to fill."

Roy, in 2021, tells him it is nonsense, everyone can live together, he went to Chuck'n'Cheese in Dubai where he met both people from those different states eat the same junk food, and in his group, one of his love interest has an american and a vietnamese parent!

Jahn pulls out his rifle gun : "Rubbish… I have no intention of listening to such nonsense."

***

If you just TOLD Athos about Arcadia rather than SHOWING it to him, I'm 100% sure he'd react just like Jahn did. Note he specifically mentions trying to deny what his eyes showed him, Jahn never went to Arcadia.

This is where I disagree anon, I don't think Athos, if someone told him about Arcadia, would answer with "I refuse to hear any of this" and "Now, enter my domain. Let us see who has more power!"

Maybe he would not believe it. "I can't believe it," "It can't be real", "This must be a mirage", "Is it a trap?" or "You're lying".

Not "I don't want to hear this".

can we add to the irony that athos was traveling with a dragon fucker and didn't want to believe dragons and humans could live together? granted, i'm not sure nergal told him about his wife and kids

***

For someone always talking about Edelgard's prejudice against lizards, you're remarkably pro-Scouring/Anti the sole shellshocked survivor of the war that not only destroyed his entire society, but basically wiped out his race.

Ah.

First of all, Edel's prejudice reeks of racism, and I am in no way defending of being pro anyone who says "X must be erased because of their race".

Jahn's side lost the war, yes, in a way, he is a victim of the Scouring.

On the other hand, clinging to his old prejudiced beliefs and refusing to listen to someone telling you that maybe everyone can live together, to the point of using force against him by making six altars with illusions before asking him to fight is... being too stubborn, to put it lightly.

Also, the war didn't destroy Idunn.

Jahn and his comrades did.

He know Idunn is still alive, and knows Divine Dragons ran away - so he knows he is not, technically, the Last Dragon. But Idunn isn't a Dragon anymore, because Jahn and his comrades destroyed her soul.

If you want to compare to FE16, Rhea, despite being a survivor from a human led genocide, still believes in them and cares about them. She might have doubts that they can all live together, but she doesn't want to eradicate them.

Macuil is the closest dragon, he is sour and hates humans for what they did. He doesn't tell his story to Claude and pals - he tells them to fig off his lawn, and when they don't, he becomes violent.

But Macuil wasn't seen attacking a human who said "humans and nabateans were both brought to this world, they can understand each other". Macuil didn't crush Rhea's crest stone to turn her in a mindless beast to birth infinite White Beasts to fight against humans.

Edel and Roy are complete opposites - both Edel and Jahn are prejudiced and don't want to change, Roy wants everyone to live together.

Yes, Jahn might be justified in thinking Roland wants to kill him, thus react negatively to his words, but Roy isn't Roland.

Rhea, Seteth, Flayn and Indech all know Catherine isn't Charon, and don't want to kill her for what her ancestor did, nor fear that she will transform them in a portable knife like Charon did with their sibling.

In short : I'm not dissing on Jahn because he is a dragon and a victim of a war that saw a majority of his race disappear -

I am dissing on Jahn because he is prejudiced and refuses to reconsider that dragons and humans can live together, to the point of killing (if he could) the naive idiot who came to his lair, listened to his story and came up with this answer.

I am also dissing on him because while he thinks dragons don't have emotions, save for very specific ones, he does not seem to regret or mocks the pity given to Idunn, another naive idiot he and his allies destroyed, to the point where Jahn himself doesn't consider her a dragon anymore.

[aturinfortheworse]

My first response to that question was "I'm sure I could work something out..." and then the idea just ran away with me.

Cross-posted to AO3 because it's technically fanfic, and it might be easier to read over there.

*********************************************************************

The worst thing about the apocalypse is it forces you to choose.

When the crops first start to fail, you blame Monsanto. It's a relief, in a way: they've finally screwed you so badly you can tell them to take their sterile crops and profit margins straight to hell.

But you still need to eat. Sooner or later you'll get the farm back to order but for now you put food on the table by driving up into the mountains and shooting a buck. Do you have a gun licence? Do you have a hunting permit? Does it fucking matter? Your family needs to eat.

Six months doesn't change anything. A year doesn't change anything. You keep going back to the mountains and every time you have to travel further and hunt longer and ration out bullets like there's never going to be any more. You slowly get this sense that maybe you should be saving your fuel. The grass, thank god, is still growing for now, so you take the horses next time. There are only three horses up for the trip, so there are three hunters. You try not to think about what you're doing as you put three bullets in reserve. There's a reason you're saving the petrol for later.

That's a choice but it's not the choice. That comes after fourteen days in the hills, when you finally, finally spot a deer. He's gorgeous. A ten-point buck, which was rare enough even Before, and so it's not until you're looking down the barrel that you realize how gangly he is. He can't even be three. You try to tell yourself that you're not that good a hunter, you can't tell at a glance the way your pop could, and the deer don't bulk up the way they used to, but you look at the buck and your stomach churns.

These hills used to be full of deer. The three of you have been out here two weeks and this is the only herd you've had any sign of. You scan the area hopefully, looking for another crown of bone sticking up, and even when you don't see any you know there could be one somewhere. The bucks come and go. The rest of the herd could be just over the hill. But what if they're not? What if this is the last buck in these hills and you're lining him up in your sights?

It doesn't pay to be sentimental when you're trying to survive. Maybe you think about the fact that this place would feel empty and hollow without deer but what you say is "If we kill him, what the hell are we going to eat next year?"

"What the hell are we going to eat now?" is the answer.

These people are your friends. Maybe not the friends you would have picked if you had your fill of choices but they're the people who invite you over to watch a game, they're the people who help you put up the fences, the people you drive into town with on grocery day. When the dog got too old and the vet was too far away, these are the people who saved you from having to do the job yourself. They came back just as tear-stained as you were and made a cross to go in the garden and you know them well enough that you don't fall into the trap of picking sides. You're all on the same damned side.

None of you want to kill the buck; none of you want to go home empty handed.

None of you want to make this choice.

****

Back at home, there's still a patch of dirt you call a field. There are still ploughs hooked up to the tractors. There are still windowless concrete towers like brooding skyscrapers and you still call them grain silos. More and more people are living in them, escaping the dust and the storms and the sight of their homes being slowly consumed by rot. Some of them have had ladders and platforms built in, so you can store what food you have in a place where it might last a little longer.

Some of them even have grain in them.

Fertile grain. The west is not yet an endless expanse of sterile herbicide-resistant soy fields. There are actual plants here, too. Fewer and fewer every year but not yet gone for good.

The apocalypse doesn't have a lot to offer but your heirloom tomatoes held out for years after there stopped being tomatoes in the supermarket. It's a grim victory - no matter how hard you try, you can't forget that the tomatoes on the shelves were someone's livelihood - but you'll take it. Even when your tomatoes shrivel up and die, the memory of them gives you something vaguely like hope.

You need hope right now, as you're sitting in the kitchen, staring out your window to a distant concrete tower, struggling with an impossible choice.

It's an old choice. People like you - and that used to be nearly everyone - have been facing this choice since the first city faced its first famine. Probably even before that. For all of human history, people have had to make this choice.

The problem is that you reap what you sow. And what you sow, you can't eat. If you have a bad year, you can plant the seeds, borrow money to tide you over, and hope that the harvest will pay off the debt. What do you do when every year is a bad year? What do you do when the crops fail everywhere and there's no one left to help you out? If you eat the seeds, there won't be a harvest next year. If you don't eat them, you won't be around to do the harvesting.

It's not all or nothing: every year some get sold and eaten, some get planted. But both groups get smaller and smaller and you start to move the seeds around in your mind, as if there was some way to divide them up so both groups would have enough. You do the maths on the back of a receipt: how much do I have to plant to yield enough to see me through next year? The answer is 'more than you have.' That's been the answer for a while now.

You think that should be what history books talk about, instead of kings and wars and revolution. Ten thousand years of ordinary people having to choose between death tomorrow and death today.  How do you choose between the present and the future? What's the point of one without the other? Are they even different things, when you get right down to it?

You wonder how we got this far, with this choice as our constant companion?

But we did get this far. Your ancestors faced this choice a thousand times and each time they somehow got it right. They were the lucky ones but still, the air in your lungs and the blood in your veins and the ten thousand year old domesticated grass in your silo are proof that something can survive.

How did we get this far?

Your best guess is that people picked both. Someone ate the seed, someone else planted it. Someone shot the buck, someone else let him go. Some people starved, others survived. Some people got lucky and the too-few seeds they planted turned into just enough crops. Some people planted too much and died hungry, but their neighbours came and harvested the crops next year, weeping with both guilt and gratitude.

****

A few years later, you see a corn flea beetle and find yourself frozen in wonder. It's eating your damned corn and you barely had enough to start with, but you kneel down to stare at it, admiring the careful twitches of antennae and its glossy black shell. In a couple years when there's a million of them, you'll be cursing yourself for letting this one live. Here and now, the opportunity to let something live feels like a miracle.

It's twenty years before you see another ten-point buck.

But you do see him.

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