#he takes after alicent in so many ways. he’s truly his mother’s son (failures and all)

[terrorofthetrident]

like mother, like son

[kcrabb88]

Queer Movies/Books/TV Shows for Pride Month!

Happy Pride everyone!! For your viewing/reading pleasure I have made a (non-exhaustive) list of queer media that I have enjoyed! 

Movies/Documentaries

Pride (2014): An old tried and true favorite, which meets at the intersection of queer and workers’ rights. A group of queer activists support the 1985 miners’ strike in Wales (complete with a sing-through of Bread and Roses + Power in a Union)

Portrait of a Lady on Fire: On an isolated island in Brittany at the end of the eighteenth century, a female painter is obliged to paint a wedding portrait of a young woman (or, two young lesbians fall in love by the sea, and you cry)

God’s Own Country: Young farmer Johnny Saxby numbs his daily frustrations with binge drinking and casual sex, until the arrival of a Romanian migrant worker for lambing season ignites an intense relationship that sets Johnny on a new path (Seriously this movie is GREAT and doesn’t get enough love, watch it! It’s rough but ends happily)

The Half of It:  When smart but cash-strapped teen Ellie Chu agrees to write a love letter for a jock, she doesn't expect to become his friend - or fall for his crush (as in she falls for his crush who is another girl. This movie was so good, and really friendship focused!) 

Saving Face:  A Chinese-American lesbian and her traditionalist mother are reluctant to go public with secret loves that clash against cultural expectations (this is an oldie and a goodie, with a happy ending!)

Moonlight:  A young African-American man grapples with his identity and sexuality while experiencing the everyday struggles of childhood, adolescence, and burgeoning adulthood (featuring gay men of color!)

Carol:  An aspiring photographer develops an intimate relationship with an older woman in 1950s New York (everyone’s seen this I think, but I couldn’t not have it here)

Milk: The story of Harvey Milk and his struggles as an American gay activist who fought for gay rights and became California's first openly gay elected official (the speech at the end of this made me cry. Warning, of course, for death, if you don’t know about Harvey Milk)

Pride (Hulu Documentary):  A six-part documentary series chronicling the fight for LGBTQ civil rights in America (they go by decade from the 50s-2000s, and there is a lot of great trans inclusion in this)

Paris is Burning (Documentary): A 1990s documentary about the African American and Latinx ballroom scene. Available on Youtube!

A New York Christmas Wedding:  As her Christmas Eve wedding draws near, Jennifer is visited by an angel and shown what could have been if she hadn't denied her true feelings for her childhood best friend (this movie is SO CUTE. It’s really only nominally a Christmas movie and easily watched anytime. Features an interracial sapphic couple!) 

TV Shows 

Love, Victor: Victor is a new student at Creekwood High School on his own journey of self-discovery, facing challenges at home, adjusting to a new city, and struggling with his sexual orientation (this is a spin-off of Love, Simon, and it’s very sweet and well done! Featuring a young gay man of color)

Sex Education:  A teenage boy with a sex therapist mother teams up with a high school classmate to set up an underground sex therapy clinic at school (this has multiple queer characters, including a featured young Black gay man and also in season 2 there is a side ace character!) 

Black Sails: I mean, do I even need to put a summary here? If you follow me you know that Black Sails is full of queer pirates, just queers everywhere.

Gentleman Jack:  A dramatization of the life of LGBTQ+ trailblazer, voracious learner and cryptic diarist Anne Lister, who returns to Halifax, West Yorkshire in 1832, determined to transform the fate of her faded ancestral home Shibden Hall (Period drama lesbians!!! A title sequence  that will make you gay just by watching!) 

Tales of the City (2019):  A middle-aged Mary Ann returns to San Francisco and reunites with the eccentric friends she left behind. "Tales of the City" focuses primarily on the people who live in a boardinghouse turned apartment complex owned by Anna Madrigal at 28 Barbary Lane, all of whom quickly become part of what Maupin coined a "logical family". It's no longer a secret that Mrs. Madrigal is transgender. Instead, she is haunted by something from her past that has long been too painful to share (this is based on a book series and it’s got lots of great inter-generational queer relationships!) 

The Haunting of Bly Manor:  After an au pair’s tragic death, Henry hires a young American nanny to care for his orphaned niece and nephew who reside at Bly Manor with the chef Owen, groundskeeper Jamie and housekeeper, Mrs. Grose (sweet, tender, wonderful lesbians. A bittersweet ending but this show is so so wonderful)

Sense8: A group of people around the world are suddenly linked mentally, and must find a way to survive being hunted by those who see them as a threat to the world's order (queers just EVERYWHERE in this show, of all kinds)

Books

Loveless by Alice Oseman:  Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush – but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day. This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn’t limited to romance (don’t be turned off by this title, it’s tongue-in-cheek. This is a book about an aroace college girl discovering herself and centers the importance and power of platonic relationships! I have it on my TBR and have heard great things)

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters: Reese almost had it all: a loving relationship with Amy, an apartment in New York City, a job she didn't hate. She had scraped together what previous generations of trans women could only dream of: a life of mundane, bourgeois comforts. The only thing missing was a child. But then her girlfriend, Amy, detransitioned and became Ames, and everything fell apart. Now Reese is caught in a self-destructive pattern: avoiding her loneliness by sleeping with married men.Ames isn't happy either. He thought detransitioning to live as a man would make life easier, but that decision cost him his relationship with Reese—and losing her meant losing his only family. Even though their romance is over, he longs to find a way back to her. When Ames's boss and lover, Katrina, reveals that she's pregnant with his baby—and that she's not sure whether she wants to keep it—Ames wonders if this is the chance he's been waiting for. Could the three of them form some kind of unconventional family—and raise the baby together?This provocative debut is about what happens at the emotional, messy, vulnerable corners of womanhood that platitudes and good intentions can't reach. Torrey Peters brilliantly and fearlessly navigates the most dangerous taboos around gender, sex, and relationships, gifting us a thrillingly original, witty, and deeply moving novel (again, don’t be thrown off by the title, it too, is tongue-in-cheek. This book was GREAT, and written by a trans women with a queer-and especially trans--audience in mind)

A Tip for the Hangman by Allison Epstein: A gay Christopher Marlowe, at Cambridge and trying to become England’s best new playwright, finds himself wrapped up in royal espionage schemes while also falling in love (this book is by a Twitter friend of mine, and it is a wonderful historical thriller with a gay man at the center).

Creatures of Will and Temper by Molly Tanzer: a very very queer remix of The Picture of Dorian Gray (which was already quite queer), featuring amazing female characters, a gay Basil, and a much happier ending than the original. 

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: The gay prince of England and the bisexual, biracial first son of the president fall in love (think an AU of 2016 where a woman becomes president). Featuring a fantastic discovery of bisexuality, ruminations on grief, and just a truly astonishing book. One of my favorites!

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston:  For cynical twenty-three-year-old August, moving to New York City is supposed to prove her right: that things like magic and cinematic love stories don’t exist, and the only smart way to go through life is alone. She can’t imagine how waiting tables at a 24-hour pancake diner and moving in with too many weird roommates could possibly change that. And there’s certainly no chance of her subway commute being anything more than a daily trudge through boredom and electrical failures. But then, there’s this gorgeous girl on the train (This is Casey McQuiston’s brand new novel featuring time-travel, queer women, and I absolutely cannot WAIT to read it)

The Heiress by Molly Greely: Set in the Pride and Prejudice universe, this takes on Anne de Bourg (Lady Catherine’s daughter), and makes her queer! 

Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters:  Nan King, an oyster girl, is captivated by the music hall phenomenon Kitty Butler, a male impersonator extraordinaire treading the boards in Canterbury. Through a friend at the box office, Nan manages to visit all her shows and finally meet her heroine. Soon after, she becomes Kitty's dresser and the two head for the bright lights of Leicester Square where they begin a glittering career as music-hall stars in an all-singing and dancing double act. At the same time, behind closed doors, they admit their attraction to each other and their affair begins (Sarah Waters is the queen of historical lesbians. All of her books are good, and they’re all gay! The Paying Guests is another great one)

(On a side note re: queer books, there are MANY, these are just ones I’ve read more recently. Also there are a lot of indie/self-published writers doing great work writing queer books, so definitely support your local indie authors!) 

[queenkeeleyhawes]

REPOST: queenkeeleyhawes’s official ranking of keeley’s male character counterparts

**reposting because i added theo (i forgot him the first time), added martin (mutual friends) because i recently watched it. removed david from top tier after i revisited some things. moved sven to top tier because it’s what he deserves. and moved gene hunt lower because let’s be honest, he’s the worst.**

this list includes: husbands, boyfriends, bosses, and other male coworkers. there is some of her work that i left off because her part was too small. i started this list originally at 5 am a couple of weeks ago. these are my personal opinions. please don’t come for me. most are pretty self-explanatory too but i did list reasons anyway. if you happen to disagree with me, that’s fine, but i’m pretty set in my ways so even if we have a nice conversation, you’re unlikely to change my mind. ** SEMI(?) SPOILERS AHEAD**

Top Tier 

Spiros - hello he literally did everything for her and her family. took such good care of them from day one. literally found them a house when they got on the island. and furniture. and a maid. he got her ring back when she sold it to bribe those thugs in series 1. attempted to tutor gerry when she couldn’t find anyone else. held her when she needed a good cry after hugh nearly died and after florence could have died delivering her baby. watched her children while she went back home briefly. built gerry his zoo. the list goes on and on.

Caspar -  saw her for who she was. was impressed by her mind. “you’re beautiful as well as good. one of those things i can't change. the other i never will.” that is all. 

Fabian - *crying emojis* he literally cared so much for her. always wanted to be with her. literally put her aunt into a home and paid for it when it was not cheap. pretty much disowned his eldest daughter for her. after everything still adored her.

Samuel P. - hoo boy it’s a lot. clearly they made a connection. but he respected her and her marriage to not pursue it further when she put an end to it. was so happy for her when she found her son.

Jarvis - he just loved her so much. the lil hotel kissing scene. the way they looked at each other. ugh. we’re not even going to talk about them singing together in rehearsal. i don’t have it in me.

Dick Dewey - i mean hello. good on the eyes. sweetheart. loved her so much. the hand washing scene. the lake scene. saved her father from the bear trap and let some other dude take the credit.  made all the boys apologize to her via song after they humiliated her in church. 

Danny - let her move in with him when he saw how terrible her living arrangements were. so much more. i really wanted them to end up together.

Theo  - obviously, he belongs in Top Tier because he was always just absolutely wonderful to louisa and to gerry (duh) and he always gave her the best advice. like I truly believe they were best friends and though he didn’t include himself, he was definitely part of the “men she loved the most on the island.” also he’s an “honorary woman.” the end.

Sven - literally saved her son from dying. brought her nets for her olives. let gerry borrow a goat. eventually i liked them together and i think they could have worked...but...you know.

Good Tier

Harry - cool dad. loved their relationship. he took care of her.

Tom - they were very good friends and he treated her so well. he genuinely cared for her as an employee. obviously the real chemistry was there but i'm honestly glad they didn’t go in that direction.

Ray - listen i know he’s an ass but he’s the ass that you actually love. and she changed him for the better. i loved the dynamic between him and alex and as they grew as friends. plus dean and keeley just played off each other so nicely.

Daniel - she just wanted him to call about that damn flat but he finally had his little break through by the end so he can stay and obviously matthew and keeley working together is *heart eyes.*

Richard Shaw - he had his issues but he really did love kathleen and even though he was basically in denial about their son and did some things she didn’t like...he was a good man who took care of her.

David - i mean it was literally his job to save her and he did try (we’re not gonna talk about the end of episode 3). i believe he really put her at ease and was making her change her opinions and views on so many things. but there were issues...we can’t deny that.

Mr Morley - we didn’t see them interact much...but he’s fine.

Chris - he’s fine as co-workers go. i think he definitely respected alex eventually but he wasn’t my favorite.

Will (MI-5) - he was fine. a little boring but fine and he literally was not even cute. really zoe??? he did love her. and she did end up having a good life with him.

Bad Tier

Martin Grantham - almost cheated on his wife for revenge. told her potential boss she had mental health problems just to keep her from getting the job. believed a rumor that she had hired a solicitor so he hired one out of spite. umm the bar scene with their son. everything he did with peter. enough said.

Rob Graham - he almost cheated on his wife. he was in slight denial about their son. didn’t want to get a dog. loved her and he clearly fought to stay with her. a few points for that.

Joe M*cb*th - was just kinda there? not horrible but not great.

Steve A - do i really even need to explain? he’s just so infuriating. you’re probably wondering why he’s not lower on this list...but...well just wait until you see the rest.

Mr Royal - he just generally sucks and also he ruined her dessert in that one lil scene and was just horrible. and he fucking slapped her, knocking her to the ground???? no sir.

Peter - the jealousy i mean come on and he terrorized her. nearly killed her best friend. not to mention i’m about 99.8% sure he stole her cat.

Hugh - ugh he was with her to make vasillia jealous. i don’t care what he tried to say. and i hate that he called her angel when that’s what her husband called her. also i think she just liked the idea of them and then realized how quickly it wasn’t going to work out, especially when he wanted her to go back to england when they hadn’t even been there that long and clearly corfu made her happy?!?!? purposefully hurt spiros.

Miles Mollison - it literally took him hearing his mother calling his wife a failure for him to grow a spine?!?!? and dude your wife looked like that *long sigh*

Trash Tier 

Billy - how many times did she have to ask him about getting a job. the jealousy. he didn’t do anything???? he took care of jake so he gets points for that. but he made her feel like crap for it so….bye. and he told tina even though angela didn’t want to tell anyone.

Michael - literally tried to murder her.

Othello - actually murdered her.

Dennis Hamilton  - crazy, jealous. possessive. made her get an abortion. spent all of her money. just gross.

Alec Wilson - hello he literally had another wife and two other children that she knew of. and he only gave her 5 measly fucking pounds….rude. 

Terry Leather - had an affair with another woman. kinda redeemed himself in the end but not really. 

Hallam - literally had an affair with her sister. forced her to take in lotte when she was terrified she’d lose their baby. was trash to his little sister after making a big deal about getting her out of the asylum. was horrible to blanche. was fine (?) with the staff but not really?? 

Sam Webster - had an affair. got another woman pregnant when that’s something his wife wanted again. literally never believed her about anything. blamed her for alice’s death and then later tried to tell her not to blame herself when she was depressed. horrible to their son. just an all around shitty person.

Roger - jealous of j’s power. racist remark about david. tells her something she specifically said she doesn’t care to hear. and let’s be honest he was probably bopping some blonde 20 year old.

Dryden - wouldn’t leave his wife. forced her to get an abortion. literally picked up a 15 year old at some gathering for a bj. gross gross gross.

Gene - grade A asshole. i literally do not understand why people love them together??? he was the one who saved her as a child??? but then almost hooked up with her in the afterlife??? creepy. no matter how many times i re-watch, i cannot find any redeeming qualities in him or any reason why they should be together. also he was a sexist, homophobic, RACIST pig. i don't care it was the 80s...gross. this one you definitely will not be able to fight me on.

[depulsorpg]

WHATS IN YOUR FILE.

NAME: Frank Longbottom. GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cismale, he/him. HOUSE & YEAR: Hufflepuff, 7th. BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood. AFFILIATION: Order of the Phoenix.

WHAT DO THE RUMORS SAY.

POSITIVES: Chivalrous, intuitive, leaderlike. NEGATIVES: Irritating, alienating, unyielding. LOOKS LIKE: Max Irons.

WHAT IS THE TRUE STORY.

As clumsy as they come, but makes up for it in sheer love and loyalty.

Incredibly helpful towards anyone in need of it, sometimes even to enemies.

Despite his clumsiness, he is very dedicated to becoming an Auror.

Stands up against injustice of any kind, even if he stands by himself.

Has intelligence that could have made him a Ravenclaw, to his mothers dismay.

Worries about the future every single day.

The Sacred Twenty-Eight. Something molded from history, fabricated in time and placed on a mantle high above the Wizarding community. To those who bore the names of the most elite: it came at a sacrifice. Would you slip, become openly against the barrage of what it was intended to be—a blood quip of purists who sought the personification of who they were without any ushered apologies? For the Blacks, the Lestranges, Yaxley and the like—it meant something. It meant a crown. It meant power. It meant you were allowed to be bigger, better than those who crossed your path. They’d never understand the mantle. They’d never amount to anything more than pitiful. For the Longbottom’s, it was something undone. The purists remained in their bloodline once upon a time, just as angered, twisted, demented with arrogance, and thirst for something that none of them could physically hold onto. It was some pitiful dream. But that changes. Centuries of the same name, the same Wizarding family that lingered in the Irish coast town of Dingle, had changed their ways. It wasn’t overnight—and it wasn’t by far easy—but to become a family that once boasted the same rhetoric as those they would never be caught dead in the same circles now, it meant something. It meant people could change.

Augusta Longbottom had seen change, when her husband’s family shed the ideal that blood traitor was just a world they used to bestow jealously upon the freedom to choose your own path, rather than the one set before them. Not that it didn’t mean expectation didn’t fall. People could slip, fall back into old ways—people couldn’t change. She saw that in her husband, ideally naming their only child after him as an ode of loyalty, rather than the name she wanted for her only child—Neville. Did loyalty extend back to the bushy haired, poignant woman? Of course not. Frank couldn’t tell you the memories he had of his father, he wasn’t even sure they were real. Before he was barely three, his father had up and left, the idyllic views he wanted for his wife and children didn’t stack up. To slip back into the statue of the twenty-eight—to become as dark as the world slowly intended, light being snuffed out. He could’ve used a curse—could’ve kidnapped Frank in the middle of the night, taken him, leaving Augusta nothing. But would you really want to risk your change with Augusta Longbottom? Not many lived to tell the tale. Not with all their limbs in the right placed.

Frank had been taught exceptionalism was the only barrier he existed to fight. He was told by Augusta that intelligence, his wand, his magic, his might to make the world a better place for those he cared for meant more to her—to signify that she’d done something right by her son—than anything else. His childhood was spent studying, and it bode well he enjoyed reading more than anything else. Too clumsy to get on a broomstick, to skittish to play rugby as the other lads did in the small town they presided in. He found wealth in the spells he could put forth—and aided more once he’d been able to get his own wand. Going to school later, rather than the customary age, was something of Augusta’s choice more than his own. Not that Frank had any reason to go against his mother’s wishes. She’d raised him. Loved him. Pushed him. Excelled with him and excited for him. Augusta was truly his number one, and for a moment, a brief glimpse where Frank, even as a child, could see the heartache in her eyes, could see them brim with tears—he looked identical to his father, you see—she looked past it. She was his mother. He was her son. They were a packaged pair—through hell or high water, Frank intended to make his mother proud.

Ravenclaw was the optimal choice, the house he wanted. The house his mother presided in, the one for which she credited her quick-thinking, her skills as a witch. Frank, more than anything, wanted to do good by his mother. Pick up where his father failed. A brief memory, nothing more. He wanted to make her proud. She mattered most to him. When the hat landed on his head, he early sought that sweet release, that euphoric shout—HUFFLEPUFF! To those who had been there—they watched, as the boy sat on the stool much longer than he should have, the disbelief etched onto his expression. Hufflepuff. The hat had shouted the very house most of his mother’s colleagues berated—and even she at times. He was in Hufflepuff? It took everything in him not to cry as a young child, failure foreign within the Longbottom household. He was smart—he could’ve been learning at a third-year’s level before the lot of them even opened their books, learned to wave their wands—but he was in Hufflepuff.

Frank felt the pain, footsteps shuffled to the table, as he slumped down. He’d let down the woman who had stuck by him, sounded him when he was too nervous to approach, or when he tripped and fell. She mended skinned knees, reassured him. She’d been his first friend, and he—the reassurance that being bred by monsters didn’t make you one. Even so, when the years had passed, and the talk of the house had sprung, it quickly fell—not by his mother, but by Frank. It wasn’t until his fifth year, when the unthinkable happened. Another summer, working in the village to garner savings for his school trips to Hogsmeade, the small apothecary within town run by a wizarding family—when his father stumbled back to their family home. If it hadn’t been for the son of the shop warning Frank—he might’ve not made it in time. A towering seventeen year old, apparating into their home, where he found his mother laying on the ground before his father. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t a question to intervene—when he fell to his mother’s side, wand raised to disarm his father. An unforgivable curse, as he broke the stream, the fight focused on father and son, as Frank stood in front of his mother.

Even if he fell, he’d make sure it fell until his last breath to defend her. Wand raised, the steady stream of spells that came to mind seemed to overpower the man, as Frank continued to advance, and his father fell back. Disarmed—wand in the air flew from the man’s hand to Frank’s outstretched one, as anger flooded the young boy. Hatred, protectiveness, and vindictive nature he could’ve all held at the hand of his father—but he knew better. Perhaps it was better judgement, when he bound his father’s hands and knees, watching the man hobble before falling to a mass on the ground, when he snapped his wand in half. The wand that dared lay a hand on his mother. Hurt her—after all she’d done—after the sacrifices she’d made for Frank—his son. Ministry officials filled their home, taking the man to Azkaban, as he watched Augusta reject the idea of St. Mungos—terrible place— she’d always say, and even then. After that moment, a memory that laid with Frank rather than tell another soul, he managed to convince his mother to move to London, pack up the small cottage and relocate. There was too much damage done. Too much to come back to and be able to move past.

Frank fears for a lot of things, but he knew then and there—the way the Aurors cared for his mother, the gentle tact they took to ensure she was alright, he was alright—that they would be safe—was beyond appreciated. It was nearly four nights later, their home abruptly packed, boxes tucked nearly in his mother’s bag from an undetected extensional charm and a feather light spell. He plucked the bag, and held her hand. He knew what he would be; what he’d been destined to be now. It’s where he stood today. He was meant to help, set upon the path to be someone for the world. To ease those on days where they could not find the light. Frank knew, to be a good person, to stand up for what was right, rather than what was easy, he would have to put himself into the foreground of battle. To place himself in the middle, and declare himself brave, no matter what others thought.

WHAT ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

ALICE FORTESCUE: In love with, but afraid of letting her know. AMOS DIGGORY: Tutors, but has also grown to become a friend. FABIAN PREWETT: Looks up towards, considers a “success story”. DORCAS MEADOWES: Intimidated by, wishes to practice with. EDGAR BONES: Wishes to be better friends with.

[polar-stars]

how is the relationship Mother - son/daughter (Next G)

Ahh, sorry for the late answer as always ; 7 ; I’m such a disappointment

Erina Yukihira

Erina loves both her kids a lot, but is ultimately a little bit closer to Kimiko. She is insanely proud of how hard-working her youngest child is and how the fact that she did not inherit her mother’s God Tongue never discouraged Kimiko or got her somewhat jealous of Hiraku. Rather Kimiko aims to get better by letting Erina taste all her dishes to the point where Erina has no critique anymore to give. Erina greatly supports her endeavors and does the taste testing she’s asked for and is also honest. She loves how her daughter just never gives up and just sees so much of the man she married in her daughter’s utilization of failure. Kimiko and Erina generally find a lot of things to bond about and Kimiko defiantly aims to make her mother proud and has complete trust in her judgement on anything.

Of course Erina also loves Hiraku a lot but sometimes can’t help but facepalm about some of Hiraku’s idiotic decisions or stupid ideas. Paired with Soma’s antics, this father-son duo does want to make Erina pull her hair out time to time. She did teach Hiraku the most in terms of cooking though and made sure to educate him about a lot of things she wished she was taught earlier in life the moment she notices that she does take quite a few of her traits, mainly the God Tongue.

Megumi Aldini-Tadokoro

A caring and good mom, do I even need to elaborate? Putting Erina aside, who resigned off the high-class world and therefore isn’t as busy anymore, Megumi is probably the mom who made sure to spent the most time with her children. She was almost always around them (and for the rare instances where she wasn’t, her mother took over). She introduced Hiroshi in particular to a lot of his future passions and also the virtues of being kind. She generally understands Hiroshi a bit better than Isami does and knows exactly how to comfort him. Hiroshi helps his mother out a lot with basically everything. Be it the kitchen or babysitting Nino and Maja and Megumi praises him a lot. 

Her two twin childs Nino and Maja love their mother a lot as well and often her warm, soothing voice is the quickest way to let them snap out of their wild blabbering and running around. She generally has a talent of calming them down and is always patiently listening to every story they eagerly have to tell. The two defiantly can often be seen loudly and proudly proclaiming what a great mom they have. 

Hisako Hayama

While her husband tends to worry about Akio’s sudden lack of confidence and wishes the boy would become more ambitious again, Hisako is very supportive over Akio no matter what. Akio is basically a little mommy’s boy and Hisako is generally mostly the first person he attempts to talk to when he wants to talk about something. She praises him a lot, saying he’s very skillful and is one of the few persons who don’t constantly belittle him about his choice of becoming Hiraku’s assistance which he greatly appreciates. 

Hisako is also very proud of her daughter Kaori’s accomplishments and her status of valedictorian, however unlike Akira Hisako does notice how much more bitter Kaori becomes over time and actually worries a great deal about it. Kaori greatly admires her daughter and aims to make her proud. The two do find many things to bond about and Kaori does search for the time to sit down and watch some old-school movies with her mom.

Ikumi Aldini

While Mika has a strong bond to both of her parents, Ikumi is the one she is a bit more open around, especially when it comes to matters of heart. When it’s time to talk about Hiraku-heartaches, Mika usually searches for her mother instead of her father. The two also do bond a lot about everything lovey-dovey in general. Ikumi generally is very proud of Mika and never fails to acknowledge it. She does spoil her a lot but she still tries her best to be a good role-model to Mika, and succeeds as Mika admires her mother a lot.

Alice Nakiri

Alice spoils both Lola and Mona greatly, which Lola appreciates. Lola is generally Alice’s sass-buddy and the two do find a lot of fun in standing on the side at parties at times and comment on everything and everyone. Lola loves the power her mother has and strongly aspires to become such a tycoon as well someday in the future. Sometimes as toddler, Alice would let her sit at her desk as she took notice how fond little Lola grew of it. They generally have a good relationship, but Alice often wishes Lola was not as sheltered and antisocial as she truly is and sometimes makes subtle attempts for Lola to truly open up to people. 

For Mona, Alice soon took a note about how the younger twin never had as much fun in all those decadent surroundings as Lola. While Alice always found it a little bit harder to dig through Mona, she did found a way quickly through just sometimes reserving some time to watch movies with Mona. Those movies were mostly romcoms in highschool setting introducing Mona to a lot more normal but also social life, something she still longs for to this day. Alice and Mona also bond a lot about their appreciation for Denmark and also ! Science! Lots and Lots of Science! 

Alice is generally very proud of both of them though and mostly just lets them do their thing.

Ryoko Ibusaki

The parent, that Yasu is a little bit closer to. He loves his mother a lot and shows appreciation to her whenever he cans. Mostly by trying to sell her products to fellow students on Totsuki. Ryoko just knows a bit better how to talk to Yasu and also praises him a lot more than Shun does, which lowers his anxiety of disappoint her in this case. She is a person he knows he can always turn to and again he does a lot to show it to her how important she is to him. She is very proud of Yasu and always ready to give him advice when he needs it while also trying to ease his fears about dishonor.

She also deeply loves her daughter Kasumi but in this case, Shun is just the party that understands Kasumi a bit better. Sometimes Kasumi just can’t help but feel a bit annoyed by her mother’s attempts of encouragement to socialse more. Thing is also that Kasumi is insanely blunt never sugarcoats anything when she does in fact socialize and that this something that Ryoko does subtly attempt to change as well often by kindly asking Kasumi to be a bit more polite. Sometimes Kasumi just can’t help that Ryoko favors Yasu a lot over her and considering that she feels that almost everyone favors Yasu over her, it does troubles their relationship time to time. Overall they do love each other a lot though. 

Yuki Marui

Shoutout to this woman for being one of the few persons walking the surface of earth to notice that her daughter Chieko is not someone who has to be under protection 24/7. While Chieko is a bit closer to her father, how overprotective he can be over her can annoy her time to times. She is greatly thankful for her mother who truly understands that Chieko is perfectly capable to protect herself and also cheers her on whenever she can as she is indeed very proud of Chieko. Other than that, Yuki is also the parent who makes sure Chieko gets relaxation and fun from all her studying and Chieko is also thankful for that. They phone a lot during Totsuki times and it’s often just Yuki asking stuff like “So got any boy in eyesight, huh? HUH?” and Chieko going “MOM!”

Yuki also never fails to cheer on Takahiro in all of his pranks and mischiefs, much to Zenji’s frustrations. Combined the two are an unstoppable force full of fun ideas they want to try on with the family and they do laugh a lot together naturally. Due to being the most supportive of his mischief, Yuki is also the most free from Takahiro’s pranks and teases (also her reactions are frankly not as entertaining to him as Zenji’s and Chieko’s are, since Yuki usually only laughs and says something like “Good one!”).

-Will have a part two tomorrow ;w; If that’s okay by you. But I am rather sleepy right now and I don’t just want to leave the window open after lat time I did it, my laptop crashed and everything was just gone ; 7 ; So yeah- 

[cottonsecurityblanket]

So I watched The Ancient Magus Bride ⚠Spoiler Warning⚠

When I saw the ad of this show on Instagram I said in the comments if that girl doesn’t fall in love with the skull man I’m going to be very disappointed. I WAS NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST! I’m gonna talk about this very differently and this might be really long so I’m sorry. So here’s my thoughts on the anime.

I FUCKING LOVE IT! THIS SHOW GIVES ME LIFE! CURSE YOU ANIME MAKING ME WANNA DATE AND/OR FUCK THINGS I SHOULDN’T! Weeaboo cringe aside hot damn this show is good. Now let’s chat.

Firstly the opening. I don’t really pay attention to openings because I’m on my phone but this one made me stop everything and shush my boyfriend. Talk about something that grabs you. The singer’s name is Junna and she’s only 16 years old. The guitar is amazing and the visuals during it are great and those opening lyrics. WOO! It’s something new and fresh. Get away from the rock style music in a anime about step sisters in love (Citrus) or some dude singing high pitched with a great guitar riff and that be the only part I enjoy (Tokyo Ghoul). I love this opening. I listen to it in my free time and it just fucks me up.

WATASHI WA KOKO. Fucks me all the way up.

So in the beginning we see a girl with red hair and green eyes from Japan whose name is Chise (like cheese and say) and she’s selling herself because she wants to feel wanted and almost jumped from a building because she hates how she’s treated like an outcast. The scene then goes to Chise in chains walking through this auditorium like place with other creatures and this is the first indication or how visually amazing this anime is. Behind Chise are like giant wolf creatures and the reflection of the light from aquariums just….this anime is stunning. The animation quality of this show is 16 outta 10. I usually dont like when a serious anime turns chibi for light banter but when this anime does it I have no issue. The design of Chise, the vibrant colors, the lighting, reflection is absolutely gorgeous.

People are bidding on Chise and a man with a red blanket over his face and antlers bids 6 million on her. In this scene she’s sold to people in a…illegal magic auction i assume and Chise is a Sleigh Beggy.

A Sleigh Beggy is a person who has overwhelming amount of magic flowing from them but the amount of magic is so much that their bodies can’t handle it and they die in a year or two which is weird by the way because if Chise has been a Sleigh Beggy all her life and has lived this long you’d think shed be okay to live a little longer but whatever. Plot holes are like pot holes you can ignore them when you know where they are.

Throughout the show it’s implied but never directly said that there have been other Sleigh Beggys but nobody has really seen them in person. This is mostly because of how every new person she meets is shocked and amazed at her.

Back to the auction after a man bids 6M he wins her and we see that hes maybe 6'11 or 7 ft tall and has a wolf skull as a head (yes I looked it up). His name is Elias and they call him the Mage of the Thorn. We see why later in the episode and in episode 7 when Chise gets stabbed by a giant mantis and he looses his shit. Turning into this creature that I wish I could explain.

Immediately after the auction Elias takes her to his house and removes her chains with a touch. The house is adorable and I love it. I couldn’t live in it by myself though. Elias has a maid named Silver but Chise calls her Silkie. She cooks, cleans, and tends to the garden. In episode 15 we learn that Silkie is a Banshee and she fell into a catatonic state after her first family died. This Faire spirit leads her to a new house and he asks why she was there and Silkie says “I want my family.” this is the first time we hear she has a voice. And that she can talk. Being a banshee though I doubt she really could without breaking stuff or warning of death. 

Even in the short lived sentence Silkie is whispering. The Faire dresses her as a Victorian era style maid with a bonnet and wide dress and names her Silver. In the same episode we gets lots of quiet time with her as she sits around an empty house waiting for Elias and Chise to return. When Silkie was first introduced in the show I thought she would be the quiet character that doesn’t have emotions but everyone would love. In the first few episodes when she gives Chise her plate of breakfast she wraps her arms around her shoulders and rests her chin on her head. In the quiet segment with Silkie she shows that she is bored and misses Elias and Chise in the house. When they return Silkie is happy and hugs Chise. I love Silkie as a character. She takes care of both Chise and Elias which is adorable and she has a scene where she stands outside Elias’s bedroom door with a bat and that got a chuckle from me. Hell I rewinded that scene a few times.

After being taken home ,in the first episode, Chise, while in the bath internally monologues, reveals that her mother tried to kill her and her father and brother left her at a young age. She was bullied in school and pushed to the point of almost jumping off of a building then bringing us to the introduction of the anime.

While Chise is in the bath faire sprites come to greet her and call her Robin and say her red hair means she’s got great magic abilities. Later on in the night one of the faire sprites invites her for a walk in the forest to go outside. Turns out it’s a trap to lead Chise into what’s called “The Other Side” which is basically a relm where Faires live in meaning shed be a Faire. Chise choses not too because Elias is the only home and family she knows so she tells them no and then Elias comes to save her and we see his magic for the first time. Aftrr this scene we get to the meat and gravy of what this show is about. Elias says he will train Chise as his apprentice and he wants her to be his bride.

As Im sure you can tell this anime is about magic but unlike the successful Fairy Tail and the failure (in my opinion) that is Black Clover this is something very different and new. There are mages, sorcerers, witches, dragons, faires, centaurs, and demons in this world and we see so many variations and different kinds of each of these things. Even knew kinds of magical creatures that I’ve never seen before. You can truly see the time, effort, and dedication to this show and its absolutely amazing. I wish I could think of another word but this show is just amazing.

The first episode is very good about making you want to watch the next episode so find out more about the characters and story. It’s also very good at not revealing too much but just enough about Elias that not only makes Chise want to know more but also you.

Elias Ainsworth is a creature of some sort but nobody really knows what. He doesn’t know what but he is half fae. The first memories of his existence are of him walking. He can go into the shadows of people and hide in them (something he does with Chise a lot) and also has this weird ability to change his form from something wolf like with a fish tail, to something snake like, and in episode 18 he turns into this mass where he tries to eat Chise because he’s throwing a temper tantrum. Why? Cuz Chise had a friend over. No I’m not joking. 

In episode 3 Chise meets Lindel who is the caretaker of the Land of Dragons and she goes back to him in episode 12 and this is when Lindel explains how he met Elias. Elias unsure of what he is, is very confused. He thinks he used to eat humans which seems like a stretch but sometime in an episode when Chise sleeps in Elias bed with him (the same scene with Chise and the bat) and he’s threatening to eat her. Not a personal kink of mine but I don’t kink shame. In the beginning it seems that Elias just wants to help her but then it turns into Elias learning emotions and more about humans. It’s adorable really but often problematic.

I say problematic because and @redslayvega talked about this in their post about how both Chise and Elias have mental issues. A summary of their post is that Chise is willing to do anything to make anyone happy besides her while Elias is very dependent on her and has separation anxiety. Anytime Chise leaves to do her own thing he pouts and that affects Chise however she does keep doing it. I forget which episode it is, but when Chise hangs out with Alice on Christmas Eve he says she should’ve done it and he doesn’t trust her to go out alone anymore. In episode 21 the dude takes one of Chise’s dear friends to trade places with her when she gets the dragon’s curse. I mean jesus Elias. Chise rocks his jaw and is pissed. I would be too. She gets angry saying that she wanted to think about it with him. He can’t stand the thought of her leaving him. 

Besides that Chise and Elias’s relationship is very adorable and I absolutely love it. It changes from student and teacher to mother and son, to father and daughter, and in reality their just two kids who need to figure out what emotions really are. Chise doing more than Elias. The sound Elias’s skull makes when he rubs it on Chise’s face is a small but awesome detail. There’s a love between them and it’s not the main focus of the show however a very important aspect and also a good way to build character development and make good relationships between people. The two of them are just too cute. In Episode 6 Elias takes Chise to “The Other Side” to heal her and when they meet the Faire King and Queen the two talk about what kind of kids Elias and Chise should have. Then they bet on how many. Chise blushes at the possibility of having kids with Elias and Elias starts to feel things in his stomach. Butterflies. Elias protects Chise as much as he can and Chise helps Elias when he throws fits i.e. the temper tantrum we talked about earlier.

Chise gets a familiar and names him Ruth in episode 7. Ruth is a black dog who is tormented by the death of his master who was run over by a carrige. I think. He doesn’t remember what he is and it isn’t until episode 8 that he remembers and the two bond and he becomes her familiar. When she dies he dies and they are emotionally connected. I think Chise calls him her brother but I can’t remember. In the same episode of 7 and 8 we also meet the main antagonist of this series.

It threw me for a loop when they introduced an actual antagonist . Up until the point it seemed to be episodes of small missions and favors and days of shopping. If that’s all the show was going to be about I would’ve been okay but them throwing in this was amazing. It happens so suddenly too and there’s no preparation.

There’s a sorcerer named Renfred and he and Elias dont seem to be on good terms but have a good enough relationship to work together when needed. He has an apprentice named Alice who is hot in a suit and generally V attractive. In her backstory she was just a kid on the streets doing drugs until Renfred found her. We first meet the two in episode 4 and 5 when there’s a black mass in the land of cats and while Chise wants to destroy it without hurting the cats Alice and Renfred think to destroy everything. Then in episode 7 Alice is trying to kill Ruth (before he became Chise’s familiar) and Chise uses a potion on her that puts people to sleep. Alice wakes up and explains she’s looking for this kid who’s apparently evil and when she says this a giant mantis mean to stab Alice stabs her and then we’re introduced to the villain and main antagonist. 

His name is Joseph (my boyfriend’s name) but it seems his...demonic name is Cartaphillius. He gets mad when you call him that. He is a sorcerer who wants to make a chimera for some reason. He doesn’t even remember why in this scene. I forget who explains this but Joseph is immortal cuz of someone who cursed him and can’t die. The bastard gets his arm ripped off and just says “Oh silly me.” Like dude. Joseph really does have a reason for what he does or a “goal” of his. He goes around doing fuck all just because he can. We see him mostly doing “experiments”. In episode 4 and 5 we found out he’s the reason for the black gelatinous mass in the land of cats and that was a failed experiment. In episode 19 some goons of his (or people he possessed not sure) take dragons and he kills one for some reason. I dont remember if he just wanted to or if he had a reason but he puts the other one on auction THE SAME AUCTION CHISE WAS AT BY THE WAY. 

In that same episode Chise has a dream with Joseph in it and it seems like there’s another form like some sort of demon or monster inside of him. In the dream when they first start talkig he sounds like a sweet but confused kid then he starts to loose it and pins Chise to the ground and his eyes turn hollowed out. That leads me to think maybe he and Chise are connected somehow. It’ll be interesting to see how what his story it. Something tells me however that Joseph really just wants death. He’s been around so long that he just wants to die fucking around until he finally does. If that’s the case Chise will grant him that death because that’s just how her character is.

I absolutely love this anime. It’s visually amazing. The characters have so much depth and story that I just want to see more of. The plot is simple on the surface but it’s so much more. This is a very different and new anime that I’d recommend to anyone. This anime breaks the 13 episode rule so I’m hoping this show just does the entire manga in one go like Twin Star Exorcists did. I absolutely love it to the core. The animation quality is 10/10. The design is amazing. The colors. The textures and backgrounds give me a feeling. There’s a scene where Chise falls into a river and she sees this giant river dragon and it’s absolutely breath taking. The background music gives this ambiance. So much stuff in this anime is perfect and is done right. This is how you do a magic anime. Agree with me on some things or not. This is a good anime. This is a great anime and I love it with every fiber of my being.

16 outta 10. I’m ready to bleed for this bitch. I know this was sloppy and all over the place but understand one thing. I’m ready to bleed for this show.

Next review will be on Citrus (part 3) and the problem child that is Black fucking Clover and I have some choice words. My boyfriend says hi.

[justforbooks]

Min Jin Lee on the Road to Free Food for Millionaires

I had already failed at two novel manuscripts. Publishers had rejected my first manuscript, and I rejected the second, because it was not good enough to send out. I was 32 years old and beginning my third novel.

I had been trying to get a novel published since 1995, the year I quit being a lawyer. Since high school, I’d had a chronic liver disease, and I couldn’t work the hours of a Manhattan law firm without getting ill, so I thought I’d write fiction. My husband Christopher had a steady job with health insurance, but we had gotten our apartment and mortgage with two incomes in mind. Money was tight. After a miscarriage and a difficult pregnancy, our son Sam was born, and that same year, we learned that beloved family members, who could no longer support themselves, were awash in catastrophic debt, and suddenly, we were responsible for another household.

It is never a financially prudent idea to be a fiction writer, but I had not anticipated running through my savings in a year, being unable to earn even a modest living, not being able to afford part-time childcare to write, having a debilitating liver disease, and taking on the debts of people I love.

I was ashamed. After six years, I had not yet written a published novel, and I was broke from the choices I had made. I wondered how we’d pay all these bills, send Sam to college, and save for retirement. When my friends asked me to lunch, I made excuses because I could not afford the luxury of eating out. I could not answer when they asked kindly when my book would be available to purchase. I hid my failure by staying home.

From the moment I quit lawyering, I tried to learn how to write good fiction. I had written and published personal essays in high school. I was a history major in college, but for pleasure, I’d taken three writing classes in the English department. To my surprise, in my junior and senior years, I won top writing prizes for nonfiction and fiction, respectively. It’s possible that the college prizes misled me to believe that I could publish a novel immediately after quitting the law. However, the more I studied fiction, the more I realized that writing novels required rigorous discipline and mastery, no different than the study of engineering or classical sculpture. I wanted to get formal training. Nevertheless, after having paid for law school, I could not hazard the cost of an MFA. So, I fumbled around and made up my own writing program.

Always a reader of the 19th-century greats, I read more widely. I read every fine novel and short story I could find, and I studied the ones that were truly exceptional. If I saw a beautifully wrought paragraph, say from Julia Glass’s Three Junes, I would transcribe it in a marble notebook. Then, I would sit and read her elegant sentences, seemingly pinned to my flimsy notebook like a rare butterfly on cheap muslin. Craft strengthened the feelings and thoughts of the writer. When I read and reread Junot Díaz’s stories in Drown, I was struck by his courage and genius. His perfect narrative voice matched the intricacy and greatness of his plot architecture. Great fiction required not just lovely words or fine feelings, it demanded emotion, structure, ideals, and bravery. Fine works of fiction made me feel glad, the way I feel glad when I see a painting by a master, an ocean at dusk, or the face of a child.

In New York, it is possible to study with great writers for very little money. If one can afford to live here, there is a shock of riches in culture, so much so that artists work for almost nothing. Once a week, when Christopher could watch Sam after work, I took a turkey sandwich in a baggie or a carton of hummus and went to my writing classes or met with my writers’ group. For less than $200, I was able to study for several weeks with Lan Samantha Chang, Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, and Jhumpa Lahiri at the Asian American Writers’ Workshop early on in their careers. I took a class at the Gotham Writers Workshop with Wesley Gibson. For about the same amount and for a season’s length of classes, I studied with Jonathan Levi, Joyce Johnson, Joseph Caldwell, Joan Silber, Shirley Hazzard, and Nahid Rachlin at the 92nd Street Y. The Y runs a famous preschool, and in the evenings, grown men and women sat in these preschool classrooms, smelling of tempera paints and box apple juice, anxious to know if their stories made any sense. Teachers generously encouraged me to continue, but privately, I wondered if I should quit. I was getting older, and I was afraid that I could not return to a steady profession.

The year after Sam was born, impulsively, I applied for a spot at the Sewanee Writers’ Conference and was accepted. The tuition was more money than we could spare, something like $1,000. However, I knew it was difficult to get a spot at all, and I felt I had to go. I had nursed Sam for a year, and I thought this might be a good reward for having given up my body—or so it seemed to me—for the pregnancies, the illnesses, and the breastfeeding. Christopher took time off from work and stayed with Sam, and I went to Tennessee. For nine days, I studied fiction with Alice McDermott and Rick Moody. Each day, after my class, I would go back to my dorm room and cry because I missed my baby.

At Sewanee, it felt like everyone had gone to prestigious MFA writing programs like Iowa and had book contracts. Back then, conference attendees wore name tags, and mine read just my name, indicating that I had not received any scholarship money to defray the cost of the conference tuition. One day, during lunch, I met a young woman whose name tag stated her name plus the name of her fellowship. She hadn’t paid any tuition because her publications had merited her a scholarship. There was a group of us at the table, most of whom had scholarships, and the young woman casually mocked the housewives who had paid full freight to attend the conference. I didn’t realize at first, but she was talking about me. That summer, I was 30 years old, a new mother, and I learned that a talented young woman artist held housewife writers in contempt. I couldn’t eat so I returned to my room. I avoided her for the rest of the conference, because I sensed she was right. It had been a mistake to come all this way to take a class. Then at the end of the conference, Alice McDermott nominated my workshop story for an anthology called Best New American Voices 2000, and though the editors didn’t take my piece, I thought that maybe I could keep trying.

Then something else good happened a few months later. I got an Artist Fellowship from the New York Foundation for the Arts in the category of fiction. It was for $7,000. I used some of that money to pay for a five-day writing class in California with the famous editor and writer Tom Jenks and the novelist Carol Edgarian. To improve my understanding of the sentence, I began to read poetry. I took a class at the Y with David Yezzi to learn prosody, and it changed the way I looked at every word. Whenever the poetry critic Helen Vendler came to the Y to give one of her seminars, I did whatever I could to attend.

There was so much to learn and practice, but I began to see the prose in verse and the verse in prose. Patterns surfaced in poems, stories, and plays. There was music in sentences and paragraphs. I could hear the silences in a sentence. All this schooling was like getting x-ray vision and animal-like hearing. I had no way to prove objectively the things I was learning, and I can’t tell you why I thought my self-curated education correct, but I followed the steps I could afford to take and somehow trusted that I would learn how to write something fine.

When I ran out of money for classes, I went to readings and bought hardcover books I could not afford. At the bookstore or library, I’d sit all the way in the back. If there was a Q&A, I would have half a dozen questions forming a lump in my throat, but I wouldn’t voice a word. I went to the readings of Herman Wouk, Marilynne Robinson, Junot Díaz, Joyce Carol Oates, Gary Shteyngart, Julian Barnes, Richard Ford, Jay McInerney, Chang-rae Lee, Veronica Chambers, Ian McEwan, Joan Didion, Susanna Moore, Shirley Hazzard, James Salter, Kazuo Ishiguro, Toni Morrison, Rick Moody, Susan Minot, and many more. I wanted to know: How did you do that? How did you send me into this whole other world of your creation? How did you make me feel these new and old feelings? How did you keep trusting that it was all worthwhile? And yet, I could barely form an audible sentence around them, but I suppose I didn’t have to, because I had their work, and their work spoke to me and stayed with me in a private way without me having to prove anything to them or them to me.

As a habit, I read on the subway. One day, I was finishing V.S. Naipaul’s A House for Mr. Biswas on the 2 train, and I burst into tears, amazed at the magnificence of Naipaul’s literary achievement. I knew of his politically controversial attitudes (e.g., he thought women writers were unimportant), and yet I understood that in this work, this man had done something extraordinary with fiction. Through characterization and sympathy, Naipaul had made me care deeply for a humble and curious character, who so clumsily yet so vitally struggled for his wishes. Later, I learned that Arwacas, the fictional setting of the novel, was based on Chaguanas, an immigrant town where East Indian-Trinidadians live and where Naipaul had grown up. Naipaul gave me permission to write about Elmhurst, my town in Queens.

After the classes, the readings, the discarded drafts, I started to research my novel like I was a journalist. When I wanted to learn more about my character Ted Kim, the investment banker, I interviewed several men who went to Harvard Business School. One of them told me that I should pretend to apply, because one had to see a school like that to believe it. So I did. I logged into the website, and I filled out a visitor’s form, and I was able to come in for a day.

I sat in on a class. There were maybe 25 students, and each person had a name card in front of him or her. It was impossible to hide in that room; however, what was clear to me was that no one was hiding. It wasn’t like any class I had ever attended in high school, college, or even law school. I don’t know if everyone in that room had done his homework or if she understood the lecture and the complicated spreadsheet on the whiteboard, but I learned something about these attractive young people. I surmise that what distinguishes a Harvard Business School student is his confidence in his abilities. I have never been in a building so filled with young people who look like they can do anything and want to solve very difficult problems. After a few hours, I started thinking that maybe I should apply for business school because the energy was so buoyant. If anyone was depressed or anxious or doubtful, I think he or she must have stayed home that day. No, I did not apply to HBS, but that day changed me, because I started to value research, not for the details or the velvet scraps of dialogue, but for the feelings that new information made me have. I felt confident just by being with other highly energetic people. I wondered what it would be like to have two years of that atmosphere when even I, an applicant pretender and a writer with no book, felt that positive after mere hours. So I took that feeling and gave it to Ted, a man who believes that he is right even when he is troubled or afraid. Ted’s convictions propel him to great economic success. However, even his convictions are weakened in the presence of sexual desire and a secret yearning for a kindred person. Ted is not good, but research allowed me to recognize his vulnerability, which allowed me to love Ted in his totality.

Then something wonderful happened. The Missouri Review published a story I’d rewritten 17 or 18 times. I had a Bankers Box filled with just drafts of that one story. Maybe that’s what it took.

Not much after that, my wrists began to hurt. I had trouble lifting a coffee cup. My son was in preschool then, and to drop him off and pick him up, I had to walk a few blocks, but it was painful. My ankles were swollen and holding hands with my son to cross the street was hard. I couldn’t turn round doorknobs or walk up stairs with ease. After several misdiagnoses, I was sent to a rheumatologist who guessed correctly that my liver disease was making me ill. I had developed liver cirrhosis, and I had never had a drop of wine.

There were a lot of doctors, and they wrote about my case to each other. A gastroenterologist wanted me to try a course of treatment with Interferon, because I was so young, and liver transplants were not so easy to be had. For three months, I gave myself a shot of this medicine in my thigh each day. My hair fell out in clumps in the shower. When I bent down to sweep the floor, blood vessels would break in my face to make bruises. I could not leave the house sometimes because I had diarrhea or because I could not stop vomiting. Each day, I had a few hours of energy, and I would store them up for Sam, my three-year-old. I wanted him to think that I was well.

When the treatment ended, my liver function tests improved markedly. My doctor was cautious, so he took more tests. I continued to work on Free Food for Millionaires, compelled to finish a first draft. A year after the treatment, the doctor told me that I was cured of my chronic liver disease. One in a million, he marveled. I went home that afternoon, and I lay down on my bed with my good news. This life was unexpected. I told myself that I could not be so afraid of judgment that I would hold back. And so I did not.

When I sold the manuscript in the summer of 2006, I counted 11 years as my apprenticeship. I was 37 years old.

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com