#he said 🫦 🌚

[churrobear]

[writinandcrying]

TMNT HEADCANON / how the turtles text

A lot can be said from how someone express themselves through texting, so this is just some crack / light headcanons !

Not really based on a single version per say, more that turtles have been deprived of social interaction for the majority of their life and I think texting them would be an very interesting experience lol

Idea based on @avery73 last random turtle post (thanks for being one of our strongest soldiers and writing wonderful pieces 🫡) English is not my first language and I didn’t proofread this, if there is any grammatical erros pls don’t hesitate to tell me!

Mikey

🎢 Single texts

🎢 Just like this

🎢 Loads of it

🎢 You got 60 new messages

🎢 in the past 2 minutes

🎢 Loads of gifs too

🎢 And voice memos

🎢Oh look

🎢6 personality tests links

🎢What do you mean you won’t do it

🎢He needs to know what kind of cupcake you are!!!!

🎢 And music recs

🎢 Your phone won’t stop vibrating

🎢 for the next weeks

🎢 After you meet him (Honestly really annoying unless you have a crush on him)

🎢 For the latinos/latinas; if he EVER finds out about WhatsApp and the stickers. Oh you are so done. If you have an older phone that shit WILL blow up / malfunction for SURE

🎢 uses TONS OF EMOJIS !!!!! 😍😍😝🤪😋🤩AND CAPS AS WELL!!! 🥳😽✌️👅🗣️

🎢Mikey live reaction when you ask if he’s upset that you asked him to tone it down a notch with the texting on a busy day:

🎢 Will lowkey tone it down with the emojis when he finds out some ppl find it cringe, but with his angels cakes ???????? 🫵 YOU BET 🗣️ HE WILL SHOW YOU WITH IT 💋🫦💅🏻🤳🏼💃🏻🕺🏽🙈🦋🌺🧡🌚🌻🔥💥🌟

🎢Will accidentally send you some random ass emoji that wasn’t supposed to be on the context of the text, also the autocorrect is def not his friend

Mikey : how’s it going baby gorila

Mikey: babygirl*

Mikey:

Mikey: I’m sorry

🎢 adds emojis to very contacts in his t-phone:

Leo: Leader of the pack 🐺 🐢 🫡

Donnie: Eistein 📚🧬⚗️ (Raph also shares this name on his t-cell)

Raph: Murderous teddy bear 🧸 🧨

Splinter: Mafia Boss 🪤 (no one knows about this name tho)

April: Chanel N.6 🎤(or World of Apes 🦧 lmao)

Casey: New York Hockey League 🏒

Vern: Some dude (adds 🦅 so he knows it’s Vern and not “some random dude”)

Y/n: angelcakes pookie wookie baby boo boo love of my life !!!!!! 😍🥰👀🧚🏻‍♂️

🎢Mikey live reaction when Raph yells at him to stop flooding the chat, followed by mikey texting him “make me” (they are sitting next to each other):

Donnie

🔭Huge blocks of it in the speed of light. many topics, many questions and also explanations at just one sitting

🔭But won’t hold back on a smart ass short cut response for one his brothers (literally has the sharpest tongue)

🔭Will hardly uses emojis, only when it’s a single text to express an emotion (most current used emojis: 🤓when he does something impressive 💜: for y/n 🙄: when venting about something annoying Leo / Mikey / Raph did)

🔭Will want to discuss random ass problems he has encountered in his projects, in forums online, specially if you ever show interest in debating / doesnt hold back into showing your strong opinions

🔭 Has named their brothers as “Failed Lab Experiments” and managed to color code their messages (has the only t-phone that has this feature)

🔭Donnie creating the most unique and smartass way to charge his phone just cuz he can:

🔭Deadass his reaction when texting his crush 👀:

🔭 Has modified Mikey’s phone so he doesn’t have access to emojis for a whole week after his baby brother decided to spam him “out of no where” (after Donnie won consecutively 10 Mario Kart matches AND ate the last 2 slices of cold pizza)

🔭Result: mikey spammed EVEN MORE and only spoke to EVERYONE by Japanese emojis. Leo and Raph begged demanded that donnie install his emojis back cuz they were DONE with the whole situation

Failed lab experiment N.4: ( ๑‾̀◡‾́)σ" °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° (♡´౪`♡)

Failed lab experiment N.1: Stop.

Failed lab experiment N.4: ┬┴┬┴┤ᵒᵏ (･_├┬┴┬┴ Failed lab experiment N.4: (;﹏;)

Failed lab experiment N.2: You stupid IDIOT Failed lab experiment N.2: look what you've done now he’s sad

🔭 Donnie also has to deal with his brothers thinking he is their personal Google (he will always answer their questions, even out of spite):

Failed lab experiment N.4: Donnie what’s a Cochlear implant

Successful lab experiment: A small, complex electronic device that can help to provide a sense of sound to a person who is profoundly deaf or severely hard-of-hearing. The implant consists of an external portion that sits behind the ear and a second portion that is surgically placed under the skin.

Failed lab experiment N.4: :0 yikes

Failed lab experiment N.4: Okay thanks!!!!

Successful lab experiment: Stop asking me stuff when you can just Google it.

Failed lab experiment N.4: But I like talking to you 🙀😔

Failed lab experiment N.4: You are my favorite turtle Siri!!! 😉

Successful lab experiment: I’d prefer if I wasn’t... Also, why are you curious about cochlear implants?

Successful lab experiment: Mikey?

Successful lab experiment: Mikey!!!!!

(He still doesn’t know why)

Raph

🥊 Barely uses emojis. Lowkey barely texts? doesn't see the appeal to it, rather prefer to hang out with you 1 on 1 than being far away from you (will never ever admit to it. maybe after 3 years in a relationship)

🥊as a friend: he wont be the one spiking a conversation, but might keep going if he's truly bored (this is prone to happen during daylight / evening when they still can't go out) but will probably be the one to ask to hang out when he needs an outlet and such 🥊*sees messages* eh i'll reply later *completely forgets about it*

🥊 will effortlessly take the most breath-taking pictures of new york during patrol and send it to you 🥊 if you are already his s/o / someone he trusts: will most likely text you to ask about stuff (if you need anything or something he needs from topside) or to diss / vent / gossip about his brothers 🥊 will send embarrassing pictures of his brothers to you cuz he can't deal with that shit alone lmao

🥊 will either be pretty clueless with the most random ass stuff or out of propose just to tease you: y/n: jniasunoakpfa raph: what was that y/n: keyboard smash? raph: how do i do that y/n: just press anything raph: 7 🥊 Raph Live reaction as soon as he realizes he has feelings for you:

🥊 Also Raph Live reaction when he comes to terms with this feelings and has an excuse to ignore Leo (even if he doesnt like texting) just bc he can ignore Leo as he pleases:

Leo

🎏 Perfect texts 🎏 looks like an email/letter sometimes 🎏 to most people: 1 message with divided topics. pretty direct 🎏 when he can't reply right away: "Hello. I'm happy you wrote to me. I try to reply promptly but currently I'm not available at the moment-" Like omg bro RELAX. 🎏 to his s/o: 70% direct, the other 30% likes to send little reminders, either with songs or pretty things she has seen during a patrol with a "thinking of you" message. lowkey romantic when he doesn't even mean to be, def shows how thoughtful he is 🎏 prefers to call you rather than texting. especially if you are dating/has a crush on you he might not even realize why he likes calling you so much, until it hits like a brick that he just wants to hear your voice 🎏Leo when he calls you and doesn't know when to "intervene" / his time to talk back (god forbid he's unpolite and interrupts you):

lowkey him listening to April vent about smth dumb shit Casey did /any human friend venting and he doesnt know how to react lmao 🎏Just like Donnie, has favorite emojis and will only use it in specific situations (this will take time for it to happen, like after years Donnie first invented the t-phone and finally relized he didn't had to be so formal when texting): 🐢 when talking about team work or his brothers / 🪷 for meditating or mindfulness (thinks its peaceful) / 💙 for his boo and his boo only / 😏 only in a relationship, especially when he's feeling scipy (extremely rare for it to happen over text tho)

——————————————————————————

Group chat (more than one reaction)

💚 catching social cues irl can be hard, you are telling me there are hidden social cues in texting too??

💚 “Nah shut up” group, doesn’t care much about it and won’t change their ways: Leo, Raph

💚 Will research about it, will talk to every single human he knows (yes. you. Vern. Casey and April) Needs to know the social cues. NOW: lmao try to guess

💚 Also needs to know, but for meme reasons, he has to say up to date w the terminology/ slangs: another hard guess /j

💚 Oh btw, Donnie totally uses /j /Tw /srs terminology WHILE he texts fast AND huge text blocks. none of his brothers know how he does it

💚Will over use fresh lingo he has learned overhearing humans on patrol, shows, from his humans friends to the point it’s almost unbearable: Mikey 💚Live reaction of Raph and Leo trying to understand when Mikey or Donnie spamming the group chat with their extremely recent memes or hyperfixations:

💚the chat WILL be flooded with things related to their favorite basketball teams, show they want to see or dumbass pictures of their daily lifes, example: Mikey: *has sent an selfie*

Mikey: you know y/n

Mikey:If you’re fortunate enough

Mikey: your internal organs will spend their entire lifespan in absolute darkness

Mikey: but mine?

April: oh boy here we go

Mikey: Hasn’t. 😏😏😏

Y/n: Oh?

Mikey: *send another selfie flexing muscles* you see when you fight crime everyday-

Raph: yeah he shallowed a glow stick

[screampied]

PLEASE are you the one that wrote firefighter Toji… and he like sticks you out the window and you know gets NASTY with it. if so I can’t find it but…, it’s been on my mind. I just KNOW there’s other fictional characters that would do that. like even if they weren’t firefighters please that writing was literally so yummy I died dead reading that.

dare I say… Arthur Morgan would do that.. I’m getting to confident on these asks

ENOUGH of these men even though I love all yall nerdy men and I love me my fictional men can we talk about these women like please

when I talked about Michonne and you said in those tags don’t even get me started I felt so seen LIKE MICHONNE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO FINE I LOVE HER AND THAT KATANA. she is so cool please also MAGGIE I LOVE HER!!!!!! Maggie is like my wife like they are so beautiful 🙁 and shoko and Sadie and Mary Beth I am to gay for this life

besides me freaking out… how have you been!!! I’ve been dumping myself freaking out in these asks but I hope you’re doing good !! to be honest I wanna skip to Halloween already and I want it to be Christmas I know theirs thanksgiving but Christmas is better and thanksgiving is like just eating food and my big self does that everyday

-cowboy liker anon

LOL YES 🫰🌚. it was just a little ramble, i kinda wanna expand more on it tho one day bc firefighter toji ngh. thank u tho !!!! 😭 ur so sweet <3 and totally right, love a good firefighter au. it’s in my second masterlist i think in toji’s section

oooooh fawk ur so right ab arthur pls. MICHONNE IS SOOOO BEAUTIFUL. i don’t even watch twd but she’s so >>>> i know her from the games bc i played all the games, read a bit of the comics but never finished. MAGGIE TOOOOO. u have such good taste, shoko mention ough that’s wifey 🫃

IVE BEEN GOOD. i’ve been busy all day helping a friend move in so i got plenty of rest. im trying to get some writing done, n we’ll see how far we get for tonight 🧚🏽‍♀️ hoping i don’t chicken out ahah. i hope you’ve been doing good also !!!! i always appreciate u for stopping by in my inbox, ur always welcome nonnie <3 ‘n same, can’t wait for christmas. that’s actually my birthday heh, christmas eve 🫦

[hunybody]

you said that he Did you Dirty so what’s the HARM in flirting baby???? 😏 cause your boyfriends a bitch ‼️ he ain’t shit ‼️ he can suck 🖕🏻 on my dick 🖕🏻i ain’t with 🙄all this shit 🙄why’d he do you 🫵🏻 like this 😭 when you’re home 👀all alone 👀while he’s out 🗣️fucking round with them hoes🧎🏻‍♀️if EYE 🙋🏻‍♂️was your man 👬 i would answer 🌚 every time 🌝 that you called 😽 i would listen close to EVERY. SINGLE. WORD 😋when you TALK. 😘 every night? we won’t 👎fight ☹️ we’ll just do what you want 🫦 as long as i Can hold you tight 🫂 in my arms…. i just wanna hold you tight 🥰 i just wanna keep you warm! 😄Cause Your Boyfriends A Bitch! 🫵🏻🗣️He Ain’t Shit🖕🏻He Can Suck 👅 On My Dick! 🍆💦I Ain’t With ❌ All That Shit 🤨 Why’d He Do You Like This??????🧐🗣️

[larz-barz]

~I NEED MORE MAKI X SANEMI~ (pov:i just finished a can of Hot honey pringles) Also STICKING OUT YOUR GYATT🍑 FOR THE RIZZLER 👁🫦👁 YOUR SO SKIBIDI🌚🌝 YOUR SO FAMUM TAX 😜 I JUST WANNA BE YOUR SIGMA 🗿

AKDJSHDBD STOP WITH THE GYATT THING-💀

——————————————————————————

Spicy

——————————————————————————

“These pringles are hot.” Maki said, taking a swig of water to douse the spiciness.

“Hotter than me?” Sanemi said with a smug smile.

“Nope. You’re as hot as hot can get.” She said, popping a pringle into Sanemi’s mouth.

“Mm, spicy.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Maki bursted into laughter.

“Why do you have to make things so weird?!” She said through her laughter.

“It’s not being weird. It’s being spicy.” He said still wiggling his eyebrows.

~the end~

[rainbow-burst]

MY BOYFRIEND SAID HE LOVESS MEEE DNDNXXND🎉🎉🎉❤️❤️🥴❤️❤️❤️🤯❤️🤯❤️🤯☺️❤️☺️❤️❤️🎉❤️🎉🎉❤️😘☺️🤩😘🤩😘🤩🤩🥰😘🤩😘😌😘🤩🌛🌚🌟🌟💯����👺⭐⭐🌟😹💤🎉😽😻😻😼🙀🙉🙉🙉🙉😽💤😹💖❤️‍🩹💔💝💘💘💝❣️💌💕♥️❤️‍🩹💔❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥🫀🫀🫀🫦🧠🫀🫁🫁🫁🌺🌷🪷🌸🌸🌸🌸💮

[slutsareteacherstoo]

My reactions are below the line. Whew 😅 idek how you topping this but ik part 5 is out so lemme make my way over. Thank you always for tagging and sharing your writing!

What would have been another night of me crying and drinking my pain away turned into a comforting moment with a — “friend”.

* please not this and quotes. But real cuz like “Friend? Bitch i said you bad!”

As I stood there, my impulsive thoughts got the best of me. I needed to make the bed—not because I slept in it but because I had to show my “value and worth.” I hated that my mother instilled those kinds of values into me. I always felt like I had to please people to be worthy.

- YOURE SOOO REAL FOR THIS 😩

Not the nigga finishing her sentences like gah 🤣 LET HER SPEAK HER PEACE ABOUT BEING UNSURE NIGGA DAMN 😭

The small flame of the candle at the center of the table flickered and intensified the goldish hues. They were captivating and low, almost hypnotizing. The last time his eyes looked like that we were—. I leaned up and cleared my throat. I sat up straight crossing my legs as best as I could under the table.

- Vana said no no. Not today and not right now. Them flashbacks is STAYING BACK!

He sat back down and placed his hands on the table with his palms upward. He nodded his head, motioning for me to put my hands in his. I raised my hands and placed them on top of his. The warmth of his hands was soothing to the touch. His fingers began slowly caressing the back of my hands. I was captivated by the tenderness of the way he touched me, as if every brush of his skin against mine was an unspoken display of affection.

* im seeing that outfit of Aaron with the black suit snd bow tie like 🥺 WE LOVE WRITTEN INTIMACY

“That’s better, but you can show me how sorry you are when we get home,” he said leaning back into his seat.

- 🙄 why they gotta be so annoying. Also this not your house stfu. Id catch an attitude real quick 🙄😏

“Eyes on me. If you look anywhere else; I'll stop, and we gone start the fuck over. I don't give a damn how close you are. Your eyes stay open and focused, ” he leaned over and whispered into my right ear.

- 👂🏿 heard! 😳 🌚 👁️ 🫦 👁️;

- Thats what the fuck im talking about -> in Jill Scott’s voice

My eyes remained locked on his. His mouth turned into a permanent smirk. His fingers were unyielding to the pain in my belly. “Let go, ‘Vana. Give me what the fuck I want,” he growled into my ear.

- this is an aside but now everytime i read the word, “growl”, i think of that Shannon Sharpe audio 🤣

I instantly became a sobbing mess. “You ain't got shit to say now, huh?” he asked. His hips snapped against my ass with so much force that the sound reverberated off of my bedroom walls.

- NOW THATS HOW YOU CLEAR A BITCH! Cuz no i wouldn’t Esp with the surround sound. Im at full attention

“Nah… I gotta prove it,” Terry said leaning over me.

*pointing* IKDR! Not too much arrogance over here!!

“Ya’ know what's funny…,” Terry laughed. “You said you could beat me on your knees. Well, you're on your knees right now. What's wrong?” he said taunting me. “Fuck you,” I whimpered.

- ok he brought that back 🙄

I was keeping up with him, but every time I felt like we were equally matched; he'd started to fuck me harder or faster. “I'm sorry! Shit!” I moaned out with my face turned away from the mattress. “Fuck that! You said fuck me, right?!” he grabbed a handful of my hair from the roots. “Nah, talk shit now!” he grunted.

- scratches head and looks around the room, cuz who was saying something. Not me…..👀

“I hate I couldn't nut in you. It feels like such a waste, ‘Vana,”

- Am i squinting at a breeding kink 😑🫣🤭

THEY ONLY BEEN TOGETHER TWO TIMES!!! TWO FOR TWO?!? NAH THEY GOT TOGETHER NOW. My lord!!!

Big Mama Pt. 4

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC

Wordcount: +3.9K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, teasing, heavily dialogue-centered, use of Daddy, Mama, and other pet names (lil' mama, pretty girl, good boy, etc.), fluff, P in V, oral (female receiving), spanking, Dom!Terry *if you squint*

A/N: I don't know how many parts there will be. However, I'm open to critiques. I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

Big Mama Pt. 1 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 2 => 🦋

Big Mama Pt. 3 => 🦋

knock knock knock

I rolled over in Terry's bed to find his side empty. I leaned up from the comfort of his pillows and sat quietly for a minute as a quick form of meditation. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. My body felt a little restless. I yawned while stretching my arms and legs. I could hear voices coming from the front room. Lifting the covers from my legs, I slid out of the bed. I walked towards the bathroom. As I walked in I noticed multiple hygiene products, towels, and a fresh set of clothes had been left out.

Terry had to be one of the most thoughtful men I had ever met. It was the little things that added up for me when it came to him. His ability to effortlessly indulge in my humor— his ability to stimulate my mind and body in the most exhilarating ways, his dominant yet caring demeanor, his small gestures of kindness and consideration, etc. I was in awe of everything about him.

Last night, we talked and talked. Some conversations were harder than others, but certain moments made the night feel like taking a deep breath. Terry's aura was so refreshing and calming. I had never expected that level of vulnerability from him. He was open and honest, and every question I asked was answered. What would have been another night of me crying and drinking my pain away turned into a comforting moment with a — “friend”. Even though I did most of the talking, we shared personal stories and even talked about our dreams. It was as if we were both coming undone the more we talked— layer by layer.

Finishing up in the bathroom, I cleaned up my mess and placed my used towels in his laundry hamper. I walked out of the bathroom and returned to the bed. As I stood there, my impulsive thoughts got the best of me. I needed to make the bed—not because I slept in it but because I had to show my “value and worth.” I hated that my mother instilled those kinds of values into me. I always felt like I had to please people to be worthy.

As I was fluffing the pillows, the bedroom door opened. “Havana,” Terry whispered while entering the bedroom. “Yes?” I said turning to face him. I was standing near the bottom of the bed. “Glad you're awake. I made breakf—. Hey, you didn't have to make the bed,” he said walking up to me. “I know. It just seemed like the right thing to do as a thank you for last night,” I said smiling up at him. “Yeah, I think both of us needed last night. Thank you, mama,” he said kissing my forehead.

Terry reached out and grabbed my hand. He positioned himself behind me to lead me out of the room. “You rushing me out?” I giggled. Upon entering the front room, I could hear Terry sigh deeply. His hand felt warm to the touch and slightly damp. I could feel Terry’s chest rising against my back and hear every breath he took. Was Terry— nervous?

As he pulled me into the kitchen, I saw it. There wasn't only breakfast set up but a large bouquet of red roses resting on the island. I tried to stop walking. Terry gently nudged me the rest of the way. He leaned over me and grabbed the roses from the counter. I turned to face him with teary eyes. I couldn't believe it. I was honestly shocked by this gesture.

“I know you said a relationship wasn't on the table, but just hear me out. Ok?” Terry lulled while handing me the flowers. “Terry,” I whined. He leaned over and kissed my lips. “Ma, I really do like you. Last night, we talked about things I hadn't in years. Things I hadn't been able to say. Somehow, I was able to share that wit’ you. ‘Vana, I know you ignored me because you were scared. I'm okay with being patient, but I need somethin’. Whether that's a relationship in the future or a friendship now. I like you, and I want you, Havana,” Terry said assertively. His face was serious yet soft. “Terry, I would love to, but I feel like… like… Shit! I don't know anymore,” I mumbled, looking down at the floor. “Is it the fact that you still feel like we don't know each other?” Terry asked holding my chin. “Yeah, it scares me. What if—,” I started. “What if we go on a date, tonight?” he asked with pleading eyes. “Terry, I…,” I said trying to find suitable words. “Havana?” Terry said holding my hands in his. I looked down and watched as he used his thumbs to stroke the back of my hands.

“Fine. Yes, I’ll go on a date with you,” I said looking up at him. “Thank you, mama. It wasn't like you had much of an option anyway,” he said kissing me on the forehead. “See, this is why I can’t be nice to you!” I yelled hitting him in the chest.

*Later that night

“Do you like the food?” Terry asked while glaring at me. “No,” I said smiling while taking another bite of salmon. “Funny,” Terry responded smugly. I looked up and winked at him. His eyes had darkened slightly, allowing the hazel in his eyes to overshadow the usual green. The small flame of the candle at the center of the table flickered and intensified the goldish hues. They were captivating and low, almost hypnotizing. The last time his eyes looked like that we were—. I leaned up and cleared my throat. I sat up straight crossing my legs as best as I could under the table.

The restaurant was gorgeous. The dark ambiance added to the sexiness of the aura. The glass ceiling provided a marvelous view of the night sky. This— this was all I wanted. I wanted to be treated to nice dates without being the one to ask or plan. Fuck. This man was making it hard for me.

“You good?” I asked trying to break whatever this stare was. “Yes. How are you, mama?” he asked leaning over and resting his chin on his left palm. The look he was giving me only intensified with his movements. I shifted my body so that I was leaning on my hip. “Of course. Thank you, again. I’m sorry if I made things difficult,” I said placing my hands in my lap. I dropped my head. “No, ma’am. Eyes up here,” he said leaning over the table and gently nudging my chin.

He sat back down and placed his hands on the table with his palms upward. He nodded his head, motioning for me to put my hands in his. I raised my hands and placed them on top of his. The warmth of his hands was soothing to the touch. His fingers began slowly caressing the back of my hands. I was captivated by the tenderness of the way he touched me, as if every brush of his skin against mine was an unspoken display of affection. The strength in his hands was diminished by the way his fingers graced over mine. His fingers were light as feathers, and his touch seemed unreal. The world around us was moving at its own pace while we were locked into each other's eyes. Our gazes grew lustful by the second. I squeezed his hands gently and allowed him to continue his movements.

I knew where this was going.

“Okay, no more wine. I'm done,” I said pulling away and finishing my third glass of a Riesling white wine. “Yeah, I agree. If I drink any more of this Hennessy, I’m gonna be a problem,” he says finishing his fourth drink of the night. “I’m just glad we didn't drive,” I said sitting with my hands in my lap. “Same. If you're finished, we can leave now. No rush though, baby girl. It’s all on you,” Terry said smirking. That smirk had something hidden behind it. “What?” I asked. He paused for a moment before continuing. “Can you do something for me?” he asked softly while slightly leaning across the table. “Yes. And, what are you up to?” I asked sitting at attention. This man had me on high alert.

“First, my place or yours?” he asked glaring at me again. “Mine, and stop looking at me like that,” I said feeling hot. My body was sweltering. The middle of my thighs had to feel like a pool of honey— warm and sticky. My panties were ruined and all he had done was look at me. “When we get there remember this moment, okay?” he lulled. “Why?” I asked confused. The way he was speaking to me had me on edge. Every word sounded sweeter than the last. “’Cause when we get there, I'm gonna fuck you like I hate you. Like I've been holding a grudge against you and fuckin’ you is the release. I don't think you understand how bad I need you, baby girl. I just want you to know that. Understood?” “Y…yes,” I whimpered as a moan slipped from my lips. I was squirming in my seat at this point. “That’s not how you answer me,” he grunted. “Sorry. Yes, Daddy,” I said while rubbing my legs together. “That’s better, but you can show me how sorry you are when we get home,” he said leaning back into his seat.

*Later, back at Havana’s home

“I’m sor… I’m sorry, Daddy. Please, can I cum?” I whined. I wanted to touch him so badly, but he had tied my hands up using his suit tie. “I don't remember telling you to speak,” Terry said removing his fingers from my pussy and stuffing them in my mouth. I moaned around his fingers. “Shut the fuck up and suck,” he said pushing his middle and index fingers into my mouth. He was positioned on his knees between my legs. My back was arching off the bed.

He had already stripped me completely naked before we started, but he had chosen to remain shirtless with his pants unbuttoned and belt undone. His chest rose and fell rapidly. Sweat was dripping down his chest in between his pecs and down his abs. He went back down again and dove face-first into my pussy. This time he used his mouth to cover my clit and sucked. His tongue flicked the underside of my clit vigorously. I was suffering under his touch— weak and desperate for any form of release.

I felt that feeling again. I was about to come, but I was too afraid to acknowledge it. The pit of my belly grew tight, and my mouth slackened around his fingers as he held them between my lips. “Uh oh, what’s that? Baby girl, you wanna come?” he asked leaning up while removing his fingers. He placed his fingers back inside my pussy and curled them upward. The moan I released was laced with pure desperation. “Yes, Daddy. Please!” I begged through fresh tears. This would have been his fourth time denying me an orgasm.

He slowly leaned over me. His chest hovering over mine. His left hand pushed down on the bed right by my ear. He was holding himself up so that he could look me directly in the eyes. “Eyes on me. If you look anywhere else; I'll stop, and we gone start the fuck over. I don't give a damn how close you are. Your eyes stay open and focused, ” he leaned over and whispered into my right ear. His lips were so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. “Please!” I begged again. “You better let me have all of it. Now, let's go!” Terry said pushing his fingers deeper inside me.

Every touch and plunge felt like I was on fire. His fingers produced an ache only he could relieve. In and out, in and out. He was pulling my orgasm from me by making a come here motion while inside. My abdomen locked, and I felt it coming. I wanted to look down so badly; however, I knew Terry would follow through with his threat.

My eyes remained locked on his. His mouth turned into a permanent smirk. His fingers were unyielding to the pain in my belly. “Let go, ‘Vana. Give me what the fuck I want,” he growled into my ear. His fingers relentlessly worked against the walls of my pussy. The tips of his fingers glided against my G-spot over and over again. The pressure was building, and I was suffering through it.

“Mmm,” I whined. The euphoria I was feeling made words inaccessible and futile. “You got one minute to cum or this little party is over, Mama. Better yet, fuck that. Maybe you need a little help,” he said dragging his fingers out of me, leaving my pussy clenching around nothing. I was spent as exhaustion coursed through my body.

Terry sat on his knees and grabbed both of my legs by the ankles. He peppered each ankle with feather-like kisses. “It's okay, Mama. Daddy's gonna get it. Just remember to breathe,” he smirked as he lifted me, placing me closer to the center of the bed. “Daddy!” I moaned out in disappointment. His eyes shot up to meet mine. “Shut that shit up! I don't wanna fuckin' hear it. You had your moment. Now, it's my turn!” he said standing up and pushing his pants and briefs to the floor. He stepped out of them and got back between my legs on the bed. His dick sprang up and bounced in the air.

He placed his hands on the tie around my hand and undid the knot. Finally, my hands were free. I wiggled my wrists in joy. “I wouldn't get too happy if I were you. You weren't exactly a good girl, Mama. Daddy's gotta do something about that. Don't I?” he asked holding the tie in his hands. He leaned over and grabbed the condom from the bed, ripping it open with his teeth. He glided it on effortlessly— a trained fuckin’ professional. He slid his hand through the slickness between my legs. He placed his hand on his covered dick and began to stroke himself.

“I… I don't know what happened. I tried. I swear it was…,” I said before he pushed the tie into my mouth. “Shh… It's okay, princess. Daddy's gonna fix that,” he grabbed my legs and flipped me over. He pulled me back so that his hard dick was now sitting right on my ass. I was tempted to grind on it, but I didn't want any more problems than I already had.

He spread my legs and pushed my head down. “So, we did all of that work for you not to come, huh? Alright, that's fine. You tellin’ me Daddy not doin’ enough? Is that what you sayin’?” he pressed his thighs against my body and pushed my ass further into the air.

smack

That was the first one right across my left ass cheek. I put my arm behind me and broke my arch. He leaned over me and snatched the tie from my mouth. He pushed me down using his body weight. Of course, he would tie my hands up again. “Lessons are learned through punishment,” he said holding my bound hands in one of his and using his free hand to rub my right ass cheek.

smack

smack

smack

smack

smack

I let out the most lewdest moan ever. The pain from each smack was met with the sweet aftertaste of pleasure. I yelped in between each sob. I wanted him to do it again. “More, Daddy. I deserve to be punished,” I begged. “Daddy's nasty whore wants more? Oh, you wanna be the perfect slut fa’ me, huh?!” he says rubbing his hand all over both of my ass cheeks. I nodded my head yes. It's as if I could feel him smiling.

“Remember, you asked for it!” he asserted.

smack

smack

smack

smack

smack

He let each hit rain down on me like fire. I was feeling it now. Both cheeks ached and throbbed. I tried to lay flat on the bed. “Where the fuck you think you going’, huh?” Terry said through gritted teeth. “I'm not done with you yet. You wanna be a slut for Daddy, right? Ass up, face down. You better not move, or I swear. I fuckin' dare you!” he said squeezing my ass cheeks as a reminder.

Without warning, he slid himself into my wet pussy. This was the first time Terry had me in the doggy-style position. His dick felt unreal against my walls. He felt both thicker and longer in this position. He corrected my arch to the point that it was painful and pressed his hand on my lower back to keep me there.

He slammed into me and pulled all the way out to the tip. Oh, God. I was well aware of what he was doing. He slammed into me again. Each time pulling out until his tip was all that was left inside me. He was forcing my pussy to feel and take every inch with every thrust. I felt him dip his hips upward and quicken his pace. His strokes never weakened.

He let go of my wrists to grab my hips. He was pulling me back onto his dick. I could feel the pulse his dick made inside me. I clenched my pussy around him. He yanked me back against him and began pounding my pussy mercilessly.

I instantly became a sobbing mess. “You ain't got shit to say now, huh?” he asked. His hips snapped against my ass with so much force that the sound reverberated off of my bedroom walls. “Take it, Mama. This my pussy, right?” he asked thrusting upward again. His hips were moving at the speed of light. My mouth hung open though no words could come out. “Mmhmm…” I moaned into the mattress. “Say it. I wanna hear you fuckin' say it!” he growled. “It's yours. Daddy, it's yours. This pussy is… ugh… it's all yours. Take…it…from…me,” I said slumping my head back into the mattress.

“Nah… I gotta prove it,” Terry said leaning over me. He placed his right hand on the front of my throat and secured his left hand through my arms behind my back. He yanked me upward. His chest was now against my back. He continued to punish my pussy. He leaned close and began to grunt in my ear. “Ugh, come on. Let's go, Mama. This my pussy, right?” he said kissing my neck. His hips just would not stop. The way he was doggin’ my pussy out had me gone. He pushed me back down on the bed and slid right back inside me. “Fuck, princess!” Terry moaned throwing his head back. He pushed my arch back into position again. Ass in the air, face in the mattress.

He pulled one of his knees up so that he was kneeling on the bed and began to thrust into me again. Terry wasn't giving me a breather, just straight fucking. I started to throw my ass back to match his rhythm. He grabbed my hips to steady his pace. His dick was kissing my cervix at this point. “Ya’ know what's funny…,” Terry laughed. “You said you could beat me on your knees. Well, you're on your knees right now. What's wrong?” he said taunting me. “Fuck you,” I whimpered.

BIG MISTAKE!

Without a word of acknowledgment, Terry started fucking me even harder. It was as if I had unlocked a monster. He pressed his hands into my back and wrapped them around my hips. He forced me to slam back into him. Every thrust was fucking me up, and I couldn't care less. This was what Big Mama needed.

I was keeping up with him, but every time I felt like we were equally matched; he'd started to fuck me harder or faster. “I'm sorry! Shit!” I moaned out with my face turned away from the mattress. “Fuck that! You said fuck me, right?!” he grabbed a handful of my hair from the roots. “Nah, talk shit now!” he grunted. He slowed his pace and began to slowly grind inside of me with deep hard thrusts.

Without warning, I started leaking all over Terry. My orgasm started to surge through my body. I tried my best to breathe, but Terry just kept fucking me through it. I couldn't focus on breathing— all I could focus on was coming and taking dick. Fuck it. If I died, I died.

I could feel Terry’s hips tighten. His strokes were still not getting sloppy. He was close, but not on edge. He kept thrusting into me. His hips were snapping against my ass hard enough that I expected to see a bruise. The grip he held on my hair slackened and he held onto my hips again. His strokes slowed but remained deep. I clenched my pussy around his dick hoping to help him get closer. “Ah, fuck. That's it, mama. Daddy's close. Stay just like this,” he said stirring my insides. “You gone be a good girl, fa’ me? Huh?” he asked biting his bottom lip. “Yes!” I screamed. His dick started pulsing inside of me. The throb of him caused my pussy to grip around him. “Here it comes, argh. Ugh! Shit! Fuck, Mama!” he said throwing his head back, slamming into me two more times. Holding each thrust deep, I could feel his nut fill the condom.

He held my hips until he came down fully. He pulled out of me and stepped off the bed. He looked down at the condom that was now loaded with his semen. “I hate I couldn't nut in you. It feels like such a waste, ‘Vana,” he said untying the knot that bound my wrists together. He removed the condom and walked towards the bathroom. “Terry, I told you—,” I started to say. “I know, Mama. I respect it. That's why I didn't fuss!” he yelled back into the room. “Thank you!” I yelled back at him. “But that's why we're both getting tested. I know it don't matter now, but I can't keep this up!” he yelled back. “Yeah, we really suck at keeping our mouths off of each other!” I laughed as I lay on my back. I gazed at the ceiling as I waited for Terry to return.

This man had singlehandedly given me the best dick I had ever had two times in a row. Each time exceeding the last. At this point, how could it get any better than this?

Taglist: @avoidthings @brattyfics @5headsupremacist @creartivefairy @miyuhpapayuh @megamindsecretlair @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @nayaxwrites

@jimmybutlrr @lovey-3 @curvyambitions @deja-r @hoouno06 @insidefeelingofanadult @slutsareteacherstoo @ariiijestertheklown

@armandosbabymama @gg-trini @skyesthebomb @blowmymbackout @blackerthings @mymindisneverhere @iburias

@androgynousgaz @becauseimswagman1 @geee3bayyybeee3 @gwenda-fav @poektiou624 @keyaho

@pocketsizedpanther @sageispunk @charismablu @4ftwonder @ineedmyaccountback @rebelrel0987 @4pfsukuna

@writingsbytee @nayaesworld @blyffe @helloncrocs @amyhennessyhouse

@beenathembo @thiccc-c @babybratzmaraj @pinkpantheris @qtmkenedy03 @honeytoffee @talkswithdesi

@cocooned-butterfly

[screampied]

see I just realised you said GHOST and not ghostface,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that’s very embarrassing I wish I could unsend an ask bc that’s so embarrassing,,,,,,,,,,,, EISH IM CURLIN UP I MISREAD IT AGHHH

close enough it’s TOJI and he’s sexy so :3333

did he js flick the reader’s forehead,,, OU HIS HANDS ARE COLD?? MEOWWWWW “are you even listening” NO KING IM TRYNA HEAR UR DICKS HEARTBEAT MIAOOWWWWWW

“wanna feel?” 😧 well,,,,,,,, it must be the witching hour bc I’m about to do some magical spells on that shit LMFAOAOA 😭 “knock y’erself out” AYE AYE CAP’N 😻‼️

HAPPY TRAIL??????? AND DIANA IS ON THE PROWL MEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW “you wanna find out?” VEGAS YOURE KILLING ME SHES HISSING I CANT DO THIS AUSGGDHFHFHFHF “c’mere then” LAWD IM IN HEAT sorry that is wild..

“knees” did and done 🧎🏾‍♀️”bra, take that off too” SO HE WANNA SEE MY TITS 😛😛😛 BEST BELIEVE THAT SHIT IS FLYING OFF (I’m so sorry.) “fuck, y’er pretty” THANK YOU DADDY 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

“it’s too big for you? thats my bad” cocky about his cock,,, I NEED HIM AUGGH

“play with your tits” … radio silence…………… unexpected……….. NO BC THE WAY MY JAW ACC DROPPED I WAS LIKE WOAH?? BUT I MEAN SHIT IF THERES A WILL THERES A WAY I GOT THE ASSETS FOR ALLAT !!

“such a pretty mouth, ugh” the ugh in italic? I HEARD IT?? LAED?? IM SO FINISHED IM PROPERLY DONE “good girl. haah, ‘s good” meows.

“yer nasty” VEGAS YOU ALWAYS SERVE AT THE RIGHT TIMES IVE BEEN GEEKING ABOUT BEING CALLED NASTY FOR DAYS AND YOU PULL THIS, I CANTTTT “play with yourself” FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

“you want that, sweets?” I CALL PEOPLE SWEETS TOO OMG ME N HIM TWINNIN and wtf is ectoplasm.. IS IT YHAT GREEN SHIT FROM GHOSTBUSTERS?? OH NAH GMFU SAY WHAT NOW?? nvm its whitee, false alarm :P

“Yer mouths gettin smart” IT CAN GET SMARTER, OG OFFICE SIREN RIGHT HERE !! “fuuuuuuuuck me” lawd……… LAWD I LOVE WHEN MEN DO THAT

“I wanna break you” sweet and sour kebabs.. “you have to pay for that you kno-" LMFOAOAOAOAOAO WE ARE FUNNYY “you played with her?” he referred to it as her… screampied’s version of toji is the man of my dreams NOT YOU ADRESSING IT LMFAOAOOA YOURE SO REAL FOR THAT

“n-no” “y-yea” moans. THE MOCKING I NEED THIS IN MY LIFEEE “look at that tongue” IM DYING IM BEDRIDDEN IM ILL HELP ME “listen to it with me” WOWZA “atta girl” YOWZA !

“whatever spell you had” TOLD YALL IMA BE ON MY WITCH SHIT 🗣️‼️ DONT PLAY WITH CATTTTTTT I WAS CASTIN SPELLS ALLLLL OVER LIKE “PUSSARIUS DRUNKIOS” BIPPITY BOPPITY BOO NOW HE LUV IT, IM TEWWW GOOD 😛

DID IT END OFF W A WHINY NEEDY TOJI??? im a LITTLE too good .. BUT LAWD YOU ATE IT DOWNNNN, HATS OFF TO YOU QUEENIE

— pearl anon !!!! :3

LMAOOO OMG 🫦🫦🫦 tehe yesss he’s an actual ghost but id love to write ghostface toji one day 🤚🏽 that'd eat so hard bruh

the dick's heartbeat 😭😭😭 that's new i'm gonna use that one day. YESSSS HIS HAPPY TRAIL, i could literally write so much ab happy trails it’s actual sick idk ??? like they’re jus so sexy to me. happy trails >>>

NOT U CALLING THE COOTER DIANA PLS

right he’s so cocky he just needs to get put in his place like … (he does 🌚) HEHEJE YESSS UGH IN ITALIC. it just has more pizzazz me thinks, omg i love that word pizzazzzzz. HELPPPP ectoplasm is a ghost like substance but since it’s fanfiction let’s say it’s another type of cum 👨🏽‍💻👨🏽‍💻

YESSS tojis pussy talk is literally unmatched, literally got an ask to elaborate on his pussy talk n i’m so GEEKEDDDDD. writing his dialogue makes my stomach churn up in KNOTSSSS

right. we love sassy reader's w backbone before being put in their place >>>> THE WITCH SHIT BYE. pussarius drunkios HELP ???? 😭😭😭😭

yep, whiney toji my fav 🫦 did all that just to get put in his place <3 he’s never gonna leave us bc he’s too pussy whipped now 🙂‍↕️

[larz-barz]

~New ship unlocked Sanemi x maki~ My friend thought they would be good tg bc Maki has ADHD and ANGER ISSUESS!!

~please make a maki x sanemi fanfic ~

STICKING OUT YOUR GYATT🍑

FOR THE RIZZLER 👁🫦👁

YOUR SO SKIBIDI🌚🌝

YOUR SO FAMUM TAX 😜

I JUST WANNA BE YOUR SIGMA 🗿

AKFBSBFDB OK- THIS SHIP SOUNDS CURSED BUT WHATEVER-

——————————————————————————

Issues

——————————————————————————

“NEMI WHAT ARE YOU- NEVERMIND I’M NOT EVEN GONNA ASK-“ Maki asked, staring at her boyfriend, dancing in front of their tv.

“I’M DANCING, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I’M DOING??!!!” He yelled back.

“YOU HAVE ISSUES IF YOU THINK THAT’S DANCING.” Maki said, laughing at his ‘dancing’.

“IT’S CALLED INTERPRETIVE DANCING.” He yelled, continuing the outrageous dance moves.

“WHATEVER YOU SAY LOVES.” Maki said then walked out.

~the end~

A/n: SKDNDBBF THIS IS HILARIOUS-😂

[lordbettany]

Meet cute during a bike accident?? Hell yeah!!

I slowed to a halt and looked around. We were in a sparsely populated area of rural Wales, and few drivers came this way. I was too tired for a long walk home, and I knew the night would be pitch-black.

“Fine,” I said, and wheeled towards him.

Yep. Definitely set in the 70s

It didn’t look like a serial killer’s setup.

🌚

“We’re both dickheads. Let’s leave it there?”

Imagine them calling each other "dickheads" during their wedding vows 🫦

“What - ? Oh - um, it’s Gethin.” He seemed taken aback by the question. “Gethin ap Daffyd.”

🫦+999

Finally, I decided he needed cheering up.

*sighs* I just have a filthy mind..

“So! What do you do…”

This is the kinda stupid question I would ask 😭😭

“My parents said the same thing,” he chuckled regretfully, “Living in postwar Wales, well…they didn’t take kindly to the idea that they were being watched from above. They were from Cardiff, you see, and they had to endure two-thousand bombs falling on their city. All my wild ideas about alien aircraft and disembodied lights flying over their heads…They didn’t have patience for that kind of talk. They tried to beat it out of me.”

It wasn’t the search that interested me, but the searcher.

*🫦 intensifies*

“Well,” Gethin said, “You might be happy to live in a boring world, but I’m not.”

You hurt Tiny Gethin's feelings. Prepare to die 😠🔪

We both felt a stomach-dropping absence of ground underneath us. My blood ran cold, and then I let out an involuntary shriek as our front tyres hit the earth with a heavy thud, bringing us to a slamming halt. We both stayed frozen - him clutching the steering wheel with both hands, me bracing myself against the dashboard - while we waited for another impact, but it never came. I realised the van was resting at an angle, as if our rear was in the air.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

The light was gone, and we were stuck in a ditch.

😮‍💨

Out There

If it weren’t for bad luck, I would never have met him. We would’ve passed each other by on that quiet stretch of Welsh road without a second glance. But as it was, happenstance (and his absent-mindedness behind the wheel) brought us together.

It was November 1974, and I was cycling home from work, having finished my shift at a small café that mostly served hikers and ramblers. The winding road snaked up and down and around the hills, leaving my legs burning and my back aching. I was counting down the days until I’d saved enough money to buy my first car, but in this economy, I’d be lucky if I could afford driving lessons.

The route was even emptier than normal - I couldn’t remember the last time I’d passed a vehicle. As I rode laboriously along, the road grew narrower, as many Welsh roads did. I was now flanked by broadleaf trees and dense, wild hedges which were impossible to see through. I put my head down, pedalling head, hugging the poorly maintained verge as I debated what to have for supper.

The sudden sound of an approaching engine made me jerk my head up. A white and brown campervan - which in that moment seemed like a monstrous metal behemoth - had turned the corner towards me, and was hogging the middle of the narrow road. There wasn’t enough room for us to pass each other, and I was moving too fast to brake. I attempted to mount the grassy verge that led up to the hedgerow, but it was too steep and filled with gnarly roots.

The van swerved at the last second - a delayed reaction which told me that the driver had only just noticed me - and clipped my handlebar, narrowly missing my hand.

“Fuck!”

I was flung to the ground, shielding my face with my arms, and rolled for a few feet along the asphalt. I sprawled on my back and lay gasping while the campervan screeched to a halt. The driver leaned out of the window - a man in his thirties with wild, tousled dark hair, and thick facial hair to match, his eyes hidden behind a pair of large sunglasses.

“You alright?” he shouted.

“You dickhead! You swiped me!”

He jumped out and hurried towards me as I sat up.

“Are you alright?” he repeated, “You’re not hurt, are you?

“Why were you speeding?” I demanded.

“You were speeding too!”

“You weren’t even looking at the road!”

“Neither were you!” I grabbed my fallen bicycle and tried to stand it upright. The front wheel was hopelessly bent. “Now I’m fucked. Thanks!”

“I’m sorry…Just wait there, will you?” He crouched down to examine the front of his van, fretting over the front tyres. Apart from a big scrape in the paint, his vehicle was unscathed. He sighed in relief. “Hop in, I can give you a lift.”

“No, thanks. You might hit someone else.” I began to walk away down the road, cursing under my breath, wheeling my misshapen bicycle alongside me as it squeaked pathetically.

“Wait - wait!” he called after me, “You can’t walk home like that. Where are you headed? Let me drop you off.”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Come on, I can’t leave you stuck here.”

I slowed to a halt and looked around. We were in a sparsely populated area of rural Wales, and few drivers came this way. I was too tired for a long walk home, and I knew the night would be pitch-black.

“Fine,” I said, and wheeled towards him.

He opened the rear doors of the campervan and hoisted my bicycle inside. I caught a glimpse of the cramped interior, which was cluttered with cardboard boxes of papers and plastered with what looked like magazine clippings. It didn’t look like a serial killer’s setup.

“In you get.”

He went to open the passenger’s door for me, but I opened it myself and climbed in. I sat rubbing my sore elbow and grimacing as he climbed into the driver’s seat beside me. I could already feel the bruises starting to form.

“Right, let’s go,” he muttered, more to himself than to me.

He executed an awkward three-point turn between the hedges, and began to drive back the way he’d come, at a noticeably slower speed than before. I sat tense in the passenger’s seat while he concentrated on the road.

“Whereabouts should I drop you off?” he asked.

I dodged the question, not wanting to reveal where I lived to a stranger.

“Just follow the road, I’ll hop out,” I said.

“Okay.”

“What about you?” I asked, changing the subject, “Where were you headed?”

“Nowhere, really. This, uh…this van is my home, you see.”

“You were driving pretty fast for someone going nowhere.”

“Well, I thought I saw something.”

“Saw what?”

He didn’t answer.

Hearing kitchen utensils rattling in their holders, I glanced over my shoulder at the living space behind us. On one side was a compact kitchen - stove, sink, and cupboard - and on the other side was a small table which unfolded from the wall, with a narrow couch-bed next to it. Blankets and clothes were strewn about, and the cardboard boxes were stacked high. I began to suspect that this wasn’t just a holiday home, but his permanent residence.

“You’ve got a lot of papers,” I said, “Are you a researcher?”

“...Yeah, something like that.” He sounded reluctant to answer. “I’m documenting strange phenomena in the area.”

“Strange phenomena? Like…spirits? Are you a ghost hunter?”

“Not exactly. It’s a lot broader than that. Unexplained sights, unusual noises, mysterious disappearances…anything out of the ordinary, really.”

“Well, you won’t find much of that around here. This is Wales.”

“You’d be surprised. Paranormal activity doesn’t care about borders.”

Now that the pain had subsided and my life was no longer flashing before my eyes, I felt calmer, and a little guilty for yelling. These narrow country roads were a nightmare to share with anything larger than a Mini, and I’d been almost as slow to react as him.

“Sorry I called you a dickhead,” I said, “The roads are shit around here…”

“No, it’s alright. Don’t apologise. I was going too fast.”

“We’re both dickheads. Let’s leave it there?”

“Sure.” Without taking his eyes off the road, he removed one hand from the steering wheel and reached out. I shook his hand with a snort of laughter.

We drove in silence until we passed through my village, where I told him to stop at the corner. I was a safe walking distance from home, but far enough that he wouldn’t know which street was mine. He helped me fetch my damaged bicycle from the back of the van.

“Thanks for the lift,” I said.

“No worries. Here,” he was fumbling in his pockets. He pulled out a tatty old wallet that was depressingly thin. “Here, take this. To help pay for your repairs.”

He handed me a one-pound note.

“There’s no need - ”

“Please. You need to get that thing fixed. Besides, this whole thing could’ve turned out a lot worse.”

Reluctantly, I took the note. It wouldn’t cover the cost, but it would certainly take the edge off.

“Thanks,” I said, but he was already driving away. I watched as he reversed up the narrow lane until he had space to turn around, then accelerated on his way. Whatever his mission was, he didn’t have time for long goodbyes.

The second time I saw him, I was cycling home from the local post office on my freshly repaired bicycle. It took me a moment to recognise the beat-up campervan parked by the side of the road, until I saw the dark-haired figure standing beside it, leaning into the driver’s seat. It was the scruffy stranger. I slowed to a stop, putting my feet down on the asphalt.

“Hello?” I said.

He withdrew his head from the van to glance up. His sunglasses were off, and he looked tired.

“Oh. Hello there.”

As I approached, I realised that there were dents in the van’s panels, and the windows had been smashed in. With a dustpan and brush, he was carefully sweeping big crumbs of broken glass off the front seats and out of the footwells.

“What happened?” I exclaimed.

“It’s nothing,” he sighed. “Just some boys.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yesterday I was driving around, asking questions. You know, the local history, if there are any records of supernatural activity, whether anyone’s seen anything strange lately. Some of the village lads didn’t take too kindly to an out-of-towner poking around. I was asleep when a brick came through the windshield.”

“Shit. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. They just wanted to scare me off.” He emptied the contents of the dustpan onto the ground. “I see you got your wheel fixed.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” I leaned my bicycle against the side of the van. “What can I do?”

“You don’t have to help…”

“I want to.”

“Well…I won’t say no.”

His wing mirrors were crooked, as if someone had tried to knock them off. We helped each other to tape them back into position. Then he grabbed the cardboard lids off a few of his boxes, and we flattened them and taped them over the smashed windows.

While I held the cardboard in place, I stole a sidelong glance at his face. His brow was furrowed and lips tensed with anxiety, but his eyes were a lovely shade of green, and his features were undeniably attractive. Even through his thick moustache and beard, I could tell that he was handsome.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“What - ? Oh - um, it’s Gethin.” He seemed taken aback by the question. “Gethin ap Daffyd.”

I waited for him to ask me my name, but he didn’t.

“Thanks for your help,” he said as we finished the job, his tone subdued.

I thought of his thin wallet, and all his worldly possessions crammed into the back of this tin-can. I felt suddenly terrible.

“How long are you going to stick around?” I asked.

“I don’t know. However long it takes me to find what I’m looking for.”

“Well, I’m getting paid at the end of the week. If you’re still here, I’ll lend you a fiver for the windows.”

“I can’t let you do that.”

“It’s only fair. You helped fix my bike so I could keep going to work.”

“But - ”

“Besides, this van is your home, isn’t it?”

He looked at his beat-up vehicle, and his shoulders sank in defeat.

“Alright,” he said. He took a breath and tried to buoy himself up. He slapped the dented white hood with a strained smile. “You can come back any time. I’ll be…well, I’ll be in the van.”

“Maybe I will,” I teased, and cycled off, resisting the urge to glance over my shoulder to see if he was watching me.

Little by little, meeting by meeting, we became friends. Sometimes I would see him cruising around the valleys, and we would wave hello to each other as we passed, or we would stop to have a chat through his window.

“Seen anything paranormal lately?” I would ask.

“Not yet!”

He seemed cheerful at first, optimistic - but as the days turned into weeks and his search continued to prove fruitless, I could sense his mood darkening. He smiled less, and nodded his head curtly instead of waving at me. Finally, I decided he needed cheering up.

I found him parked in his usual spot overlooking the valley, sitting on a small folding chair, scribbling furiously in a notebook. He looked up when he heard my wheels creaking towards him.

“Morning,” he said, “How are you?”

“Not too bad. Got time for a bite?”

I held up what I’d brought - a stick of butter and a small loaf of sweet, spiced bread studded with tea-soaked raisins. A smile crossed his face.

“Bara brith?” he exclaimed.

“Fresh from the bakery. I thought you could do with a pick-me-up.”

“You shouldn’t have. Let’s share it - want some tea?”

“Oh, go on then.”

“I’ll put the kettle on.” He jumped up from his flimsy chair. “Come in, come in.”

He disappeared into the back of the van, and I followed at a cautious distance.

“Sorry about the mess,” he said as he frantically cleared a space on the couch-bed for me to sit. “I keep meaning to tidy up, but…”

“It’s okay.” I perched on the edge of the mattress. “I’ve always thought it’d be nice to live in a campervan. You could go to sleep in a different place every night, wake up to a different view every morning…Seems exciting”

“I thought so too. Reality turned out a little different.”

He put the kettle on to boil. I watched as he cut the loaf into slices and slathered them with butter. It was clear from his fumbling hands that he wasn’t used to company.

“So! What do you do…”

I was about to say ‘for a living’, but stopped myself. This didn’t look like the home of someone who was consistently employed. I cleared my throat and started again.

“So, what do you do exactly? I mean, the whole ‘researching strange phenomena’ thing. What exactly does that entail?”

“Well, I…” he hesitated, then squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. “I’m a full-time UFO chaser.”

“UFOs? I thought those only happened in America.”

“Oh, far from it! There have been sightings all over the world - Peru, Brazil, France, Scotland. We’re just the latest ones on the list. I’ll show you.”

Dropping what he was doing, he crouched down to rifle through one of his boxes. I stared at the top of his head - at his dark, thick hair that curled in every direction. For the first time, I noticed how soft it looked. I felt a sudden, inappropriate urge to reach out and touch it, which I quickly suppressed. I knew neither of us would ever recover from the embarrassment.

“Here!”

He pulled out a thick notebook which bulged with a mess of newspaper clippings, and began flipping through it. From my angle, I could see the pages he was turning - old headlines dating back to the 1940s, sensationalist magazine articles, blurry photographs of lights hovering over treetops, artists’ impressions of extraterrestrials. I began to realise that this wasn’t just a man with a hobby, but a man with an obsession.

“Look. Look at this,” he said, turning the notebook towards me so that I could see a cut-out newspaper article. It was dated January 23rd 1974, less than a year ago. “Read what it says. Multiple residents of the village of Llandrillo, in Merionethshire, reported seeing strange lights over Berwyn Mountain and nearby Bronwen Mountain.”

“I heard of that. Didn’t it turn out to be a meteor?”

“It was multiple lights, moving in multiple directions. And they heard noises too. What kind of meteor behaves like that?”

“Well…” I said doubtfully, “I don’t know…People do all sorts of things for a laugh, or to get in the local newspaper. Maybe aliens are real, and maybe they have visited Earth, but isn’t it more likely that people are just having a laugh?”

“It’s not just aliens, you know,” he said, “These entities could be anything. Interdimensional beings that manifest as lights. Demons from another plane of existence. Some kind of Soviet spy technology. Our future selves, come to visit their primitive ancestors.”

“You mean, like time travellers?”

“Exactly. They could be anything. We just don’t know. But we’re going to find out.”

I looked at the sky outside - the same sleepy Welsh sky I’d looked up at my whole life - and tried to imagine a flying saucer blotting out the sun. The very idea seemed preposterous.

“Why would they come here, though?” I wondered, “Why Wales? All we’ve got is hills and some old ruins.”

“Who knows? They could be researchers too, studying our environment, our biology, our behaviour. Maybe they’re as curious about humans as we are about them.”

His excitement was growing. There wasn’t enough room to pace up and down the van, so he stood in one spot and gesticulated wildly.

“That’s the problem with people! Most people just wake up, go to work, sit in front of the telly for an hour, and go to bed. They don’t care to ask questions, they don’t care to dream. They have no imagination, no curiosity about the world around them.”

He pointed emphatically to the window.

“There’s something out there! I know there is! Sooner or later, someone is going to learn the truth. Whether it’s me or some fellow in Texas, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we find proof. The universe has countless mysteries, and if we can unravel just one of them, it’ll be worth all the mockery.”

He must’ve seen the scepticism on my face, because he stopped and sighed, lowering his head.

“Maybe there is something out there,” I conceded, “But still, that doesn’t mean every story is true.”

“Of course,” he sighed, “Half of these UFO sightings are just pranks or acid trips or rare atmospheric phenomena, I know that much. But the rest…”

“Have you ever seen one?”

“No,” he admitted, “But I will. I know I will.”

The kettle began to whistle on the stove, putting an end to our disagreement. He made two cups of tea, sweetened with a thick dribble of condensed milk from an already open can.

“Here you go,” he smiled as he handed one cup to me.

“Thanks.”

He stood opposite me, leaning his back against the kitchen counter. For a while we were silent, sipping tea and eating buttered slices of bara brith from chipped saucers.

“So how long have you believed in UFOs?” I asked, hoping to envoke some happy childhood memories.

“As long as I can remember. I was just a little boy when I found out about the foo fighters.”

“The what?”

“The foo fighters. Strange lights seen by Allied pilots during the war. They would appear out of nowhere and chase after Allied aircraft, almost like they were toying with them. But they never caused any harm, and they moved in a way that defied all laws of aerophysics.”

“That must’ve been a sight to see. It sounds insane.”

“My parents said the same thing,” he chuckled regretfully, “Living in postwar Wales, well…they didn’t take kindly to the idea that they were being watched from above. They were from Cardiff, you see, and they had to endure two-thousand bombs falling on their city. All my wild ideas about alien aircraft and disembodied lights flying over their heads…They didn’t have patience for that kind of talk. They tried to beat it out of me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m on my own now.” He awkwardly downed the rest of his tea and finished his last bite of bara brith. “The future! That’s all that matters.”

He deposited his empty cup and saucer into the tiny sink and began to wash them. His movements slowed, and he stood hesitating, before turning off the water and facing me.

“Listen, are you busy in the evenings?” he asked.

“Um…not really. When I get home from work, I just read a book or watch some telly until bedtime.”

“Then you should join me one of these days! We could search for the answers to life’s great mysteries.”

I started to laugh, but his expression was deadly serious. My smile faded.

“Me? But I’m not…Look, I don’t know anything about UFOs. And all I know about aliens is that film with the spores and the pod people.”

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t have prior experience. I’ve been driving around in this stupid van for years, staying up every night with a camera and a pair of binoculars, and so far I’ve got nothing to show for it. I need a second pair of eyes. And the fact you’re a newcomer means you might notice things that I overlook.”

“Oh. Um…”

“Besides, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who’s actually listened to me.”

“Well…” As I often did when uncomfortable, I sought refuge in humour. I straightened my back, squared my shoulders, and held out my hand officiously. “In that case, consider us colleagues, Mister Gethin.”

He shook my hand, and just like that, I was an honorary UFO chaser.

Against my better judgment, I began to accompany Gethin ap Daffyd on his quest to prove the existence of the non-existent. While other people were busy putting up Christmas decorations, we spent hours driving around the district, documenting strange rock formations or unusual markings on trees which he insisted were alien radiation burns. His passion seemed reinvigorated, but whether that was a positive or negative reaction to my presence, I wasn’t sure - either he felt bolstered by my friendship, or he felt a newfound desperation to prove himself.

Whatever the reason, his energy was infectious, and I couldn’t deny that I got caught up in it. There was a certain romance to the idea of another world existing beyond ours, and despite myself, part of me wished I could share his enthusiasm. I might not have believed in UFOs, but the idea of being the first person to capture credible, indisputable evidence of one held a certain appeal. To be part of a discovery that was historic, mind-blowing, possibly world-altering…who wouldn’t feel tempted?

But truth be told, that wasn’t why I spent all those hours sitting in his campervan, listening to him talk. It wasn’t the search that interested me, but the searcher. I couldn’t help watching Gethin’s hands as they moved animatedly, his strong forearms when his black sleeves were rolled up, the way he subconsciously rubbed his beard as if to soothe himself. I found myself thinking of him when I was at work, cycling home faster than normal so that we had more time to spend together, and missing the sound of his voice when I was eating alone in front of the television.

My visits grew longer and longer, until finally, we arranged to spend the bank holiday weekend staking out an auspicious spot in a forested patch of hillside, high above the valley. I cycled to our usual meeting place on Friday evening, bringing some camping supplie, a change of clothes, and a copy of The Magic Valley Travellers, and then he drove us up into the trees. Arriving at the roadside clearing which he’d scouted out, we went to work, setting up his camera equipment and testing his modified radios, which he claimed could pick up signals of extraterrestrial origin.

The three-day weekend passed as I expected it would: uneventfully. Gethin spent the days scanning the skies with his binoculars or fiddling with his equipment, while I sat in the van and read my book. To him, it was his life’s work, but to me, it was a very peculiar camping trip. Not my cup of tea, but certainly better than spending the festive season alone.

We spent the nights sitting by the campfire, wrapped in blankets, heating cans of soup on a portable stove while he told his stories. As our tiredness grew, our conversations faded away, and we sat in comfortable silence before retreating into our respective nests - me on the van’s narrow bunk, him in a sleeping bag by the fire.

On Monday morning, I woke to the sound of kitchen utensils clattering and Gethin humming under his breath. He was bustling around the tiny kitchen, rummaging through the chaos of tin-cans and vacuum-packed jerky. The window was open to admit a gentle breeze.

“Morning,” I yawned.

“Good morning,” he said as he heated up a frying pan on the stove.

“Did you stay up all night?”

“I tried to. I nodded off, though. I went through our time-lapse footage when I woke up, but we didn’t miss anything.”

He peeled open a tin of Spam, turned it upside-down, and smacked it until the block of processed pork fell out with a gentle thud. He cut it into slices and began to fry them. The air filled with the delicious, salty smell of cooking ham.

“Thanks for coming with me,” he said without looking up, “I know you don’t believe in any of this stuff. But I appreciate the company. I don’t really get to talk to people a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” I said uncertainly. “I know I’m not exactly the ideal UFO-hunting assistant…”

“No, no, I like to be challenged. It helps me remember why I’m out here. Stops me thinking in circles, just going crazy…”

The slices of meat sizzled in the pan. He turned them over with tongs to brown the other side. I went out into the bushes, freshened up, and returned to find that the table had been set, and he was pouring two cups of the blackest coffee I’d ever seen.

“Last chance saloon,” he said, “Come on, eat up. Today is going to be a big day, I can feel it.”

We sat down and picked up our mismatched cutlery. Gethin wolfed his breakfast at alarming speed, eager to get to work, while I sipped my coffee and savoured my Spam. He waited for me to finish, his leg jiggling impatiently. It wasn’t long before he filled the silence the only way he knew how: by regaling me with UFO tales.

Over the course of our relationship, he’d told me countless stories of alien abductions; of people being chased home by glowing orbs; of wreckage-strewn crash-sites and subsequent government cover-ups; of beaches where mysterious patterns had been drawn in the sand. I enjoyed listening to them the same way I enjoyed listening to any well-told story: as a work of fiction to be appreciated, but not to be believed.

“Isn’t it funny how they always look the same?” I said as he leaned back in his seat, “Always a flying disc and a big beam of light…always a little man, grey or green, with a big head and big eyes…It’s almost like people absorb each other’s stories and repeat them. Consciously or not.”

“Or maybe all the descriptions match because they all saw the same thing.”

“And the abductions? The medical experiments? The…probing? You don’t think one person got famous for telling a story, and then everyone else realised they could get famous too?”

“I doubt anyone wants to be remembered as the fellow who got snatched by a little grey man.”

“I’m not so sure…You’d be amazed the things people come up with.”

“So everybody is a liar?”

“I didn’t say that. Some people are liars, and some people see what they want to see. If you’re staying in a house that people keep telling you is haunted, well, you’re going to start looking at the shadows a lot differently.”

“Alright.” He sat down opposite me, resting his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together. His green eyes bore into mine. “When was the first recorded sighting of a flying saucer?”

“I don’t know. The fifties?”

“1878. Almost a hundred years ago. A farmer in Texas named John Martin saw a saucer-shaped object flying at - quote - ‘a wonderful speed’. And before that, in 1803, some Japanese fishermen found a hollow, saucer-shaped boat drifting off the coast. The entity inside presented itself as a young woman, who spoke to them in an alien language before floating away. So what do you think is more likely? That people in different countries and different cultures have been telling the exact same lie for nearly two centuries, or that we’ve been visited by other life-forms?”

“Well, I choose the third option: that sometimes the sky does strange things, and sometimes the human brain does strange things, and sometimes those strange things meet in the middle. If the right person sees the right thing at the right time, then boom, extraterrestrials exist.”

“Then what about the mass sightings in Europe in the 1560s? The hours-long dogfight between flying cylinders and flying orbs in Bavaria in 1561? None of those people had ever been exposed to the idea of an aircraft, let alone an aerial battle.”

“I mean, if hundreds of people in Strasbourg can have the uncontrollable urge to dance until their feet bleed, I think hundreds of people in Nuremberg can be convinced that a solar flare is a battle between angels and demons. Especially if they stare at the sun for long enough.”

Gethin sighed, leaned back, and chugged his now-cold coffee.

“I know it all sounds bizarre,” he said, “But can’t something bizarre be true? Think of all the things which used to be considered fairy-tales, or blasphemy, or lies. The shape of the earth, the concept of human flight, the health benefits of hand-washing. All of those things have been proven not just possible, but real.”

“But back then, we were looking at the truth from a place of ignorance. We’re not ignorant any more. Now, we’re looking for extraordinary answers to ordinary questions, because we want the world to be more interesting than it actually is. Sometimes the correct answer is the most boring one.”

“Well,” Gethin said, “You might be happy to live in a boring world, but I’m not.”

Silence fell, and I sensed that a line had been crossed. Our normally friendly arguments had, for the first time, turned hostile. Unsure how to salvage the conversation, I concentrated on polishing off my plate.

“Thanks for the Spam,” I said.

“No problem. Anyway!” he slapped his thighs, trying to perk himself up. “Ready to change the world?”

“Yep.”

The day passed in much the same manner as the two days before it, with camera checks and conspiracy theories and not a single UFO in sight. That night, disappointed but not discouraged, we began to pack up our equipment, ready to return to civilisation in the morning. As I struggled to collapse a telescopic tripod that seemed to weigh twenty pounds, I heard Gethin’s voice behind me say:

“Come look at this.”

I turned to see him lying flat on his back on the ground, staring straight up. I followed his gaze, but could see nothing except the night sky.

“What is it?”

“You can’t see it standing up. Come down here.”

I gingerly lowered myself onto the ground beside him, folding my hands behind my head so the soil wouldn’t get in my hair, and lay staring upwards.

“Where am I meant to look?” I asked.

“Everywhere. Just…everywhere.”

It was a clear night with only a few wispy clouds, and in the blackness sparkled a multitude of tiny white dots.

“I often do this to clear my head,” Gethin said quietly, “And every single time, I wonder if there’s someone out there, looking back at me, asking themselves if I exist. I wonder if they search their skies for answers, just the same as I do. And the possibility that the answer is no…that’s what breaks my heart.”

“Why?”

“Because this view is the most wonderful thing that’s ever existed. And if we’re alone in the universe…if we’re a freak accident, just floating on this blue anomaly of a rock until we die…that means we’re the only ones who can see it. And once we’re all gone, no animal will ever look up in awe. No living thing will ever worship the sun or sing songs about the moon. Trillions of stars will just keep existing, unseen, unloved, until the last gasp of the final photon decays into nothing. That’s why we can’t be alone. That’s why aliens have to be real. I need them to be real. Am I making any sense?”

“Yes.”

He drew a ragged breath and sighed it out, but whether it was a sigh of relief or melancholy, I couldn’t tell.

We lay side-by-side in silence. As I stared up at the stars, as millions of my ancestors had before me, I began to feel a curious sense of weightlessness, of letting go. It was as if my body had forgotten that I was lying in the dirt outside a grubby old campervan in Wales, and all I could see was the night sky stretching for eternity in every direction. I felt like I was the size of an atom, floating calmly in an infinite black ocean speckled with distant worlds that no human in a billion years would ever reach.

It should’ve been frightening, but instead it was peaceful. I was a tiny and insignificant particle, just like everyone else who had ever existed, and that was okay.

I quickly snapped back to reality. The ground was hard, the night was cold, and the stars were just stars. I sat up, wincing.

“It’s getting chilly,” I said through chattering teeth, “Let’s go back inside.”

“Sure.”

We clambered back into our seats, wrapping ourselves in blankets, and huddled together until warmth returned to our extremities. The more comfortable we grew, the sleepier we became. Without meaning to, we began to doze.

It was light that woke me. A bright, pale light shining through my eyelids, making me grimace and avert my face. Was it morning already?

“Mmphf,” I grumbled, “Turn it off.”

The light intensified in response. I forced open my tired eyes, blinking and squinting in the brightness. Beside me, Gethin was likewise stirring, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Suddenly, he sat bolt upright, alert.

Hovering over the dark trees, directly above the hood of our van, was a bright light. A search-and-rescue helicopter, I thought, probably looking for some lost hiker - but there was no noise. All we could hear was the rustling leaves and our own breathing. What kind of helicopter was silent?

“My God,” Gethin breathed. “It’s there. It’s right there.”

Shielding my eyes with my hand, I tried to make out the shape behind the light, but it was too dazzling.

“What is it?” I whispered. “Can you see? All I can see is light…”

“I’m not…I’m not sure. I need a better view.”

We were afraid to raise our voices above the barest murmur, as if we might somehow startle the light into disappearing. Transfixed, all we could do was sit there and gaze up at it.

The light slowly moved, rising higher in the sky until it no longer filled our vision. Then it began to move away horizontally, drifting further down the road at an almost glacial pace. Without taking his eyes off it, Gethin slowly reached in the direction of his rucksack, groping blindly in the space behind his seat.

“My camera,” he murmured, “Help me get my camera.”

But before I could move, as if sensing what we were plotting, the light halted abruptly. For a moment, neither of us breathed, and even the forest seemed to have frozen in time. Then, like a startled animal fleeing into the undergrowth, the light darted away from us across the treetops. Its speed horrified me as much as it awed me.

“Shit,” said Gethin.

He turned the ignition key, and the campervan’s motor rumbled to life. Cursing at the inadequacy of his own vehicle, he gave chase, accelerating down the road. I scrambled to put my seatbelt on.

“Are you sure we should be chasing it?” I cried out, “It might not be friendly…”

“But what if it’s trying to lead us somewhere? I need to see where it’s going. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Um, abduction?”

The light began to swing from side to side - sometimes darting in sharp zigzags, sometimes swaying in lazy undulations. Something about its movements seemed playful. I began to suspect that the consciousness controlling it, whatever or whoever it was, wasn’t interested in outrunning us. Why else would it be following the road when it could easily lose us among the trees?

“How?” I blurted out, “How is this possible?”

“It knew we were searching for it. It knew. So it found us first.”

“But…how…I mean…” I stuttered. Words failed me. “Is this fucking real? How is this happening to us?”

“Grab my bag. Get my camera out.”

“Okay.” I groped for his rucksack, but a swerve of the van caused it to lurch out of my reach. “Shit - I can’t - I’m sorry - ”

“Get my camera out! Take a photo!”

“I can’t - ”

“Now!”

I could see the needle on his speedometer moving further and further to the right. A new fear gripped me.

“Gethin?” I said.

“What?” he snapped.

“Maybe we should slow down.”

“What are you talking about? There’s a fucking UFO in front of us! We’re experiencing a one-in-a-billion event and you want to slow down?”

We were driving too fast in the dark, the glare of our headlights only illuminating a few metres in front of us. The trees, thrown into stark relief, seemed to jump out at us like monsters, then disappear just as quickly.

I was scared.

“Slow down,” I repeated, but Gethin couldn’t hear me. He was hunched over the wheel, peering up through the windshield.

“Erratic patterns…unpredictable movements…impossible speed,” he was muttering to himself, “No manmade aircraft could turn that fast without losing momentum.”

Then the forest ended, and we found ourselves speeding along a naked hillside. To our right, the hill rose so steeply that we were unable to see the top of it, and to our left, it fell away into a blackness so deep I couldn’t see the bottom. Realising I was mere inches from the edge, I instinctively recoiled, leaning away from my side-door and towards Gethin.

“Pull over!” I yelped, “Stop!”

“We’ve almost caught up with it! I’m not stopping now. I can’t!”

“Fuck the stupid UFO! Stop the van!”

“I can’t! We’re so close!”

“Gethin - !”

We both felt a stomach-dropping absence of ground underneath us. My blood ran cold, and then I let out an involuntary shriek as our front tyres hit the earth with a heavy thud, bringing us to a slamming halt. We both stayed frozen - him clutching the steering wheel with both hands, me bracing myself against the dashboard - while we waited for another impact, but it never came. I realised the van was resting at an angle, as if our rear was in the air.

The light was gone, and we were stuck in a ditch.

“Jesus,” I gasped. “Jesus, I almost had a heart attack.”

Gethin didn’t reply at first. His mouth opened and closed, and his green eyes were wide and unblinking.

“Fuck,” he suddenly said, “Fuck, are you alright? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I just - I just need a minute. Just give me a minute.”

“Okay. Okay, hold tight.”

He tried in vain to reverse out of the ditch, but couldn’t find the purchase. As we swayed, a wave of nausea and dizziness washed over me; I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for it to pass.

“What if I get down there and push?” I said faintly.

“No, it’s not safe. You could get flattened.”

Finally, he gave up and turned off the engine - killing the headlights - and put his head in his hands.

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he said, “This was my fault. I’m an idiot.”

I neither agreed nor disagreed.

We sat in silence and darkness, drawing deep breaths to steady ourselves, until we felt calm enough to climb out. The cold night air cleared my fuzzy head. Gethin fumbled in his rucksack for a torch, switched it on, and began to walk in desperate circles around the van, shining his light over the scene.

“Shit. We’re more stuck than I thought. Look, the rear tyres aren’t even touching the ground.”

I started to shiver. He approached me, aiming the torch at our feet so it wouldn’t dazzle us, and took off his black leather jacket and draped it around my shoulders. I held it close.

“Come on,” he said, “Let’s get off the road. Maybe someone else will come by.”

We made our way by torchlight to the grassy verge, where a low stone wall stood, and perched on it. I hunched forwards, pressing my cold hands into the folds of the jacket - I could still feel the drop in the pit of my stomach. We stared glumly at the dark shape of the crashed campervan.

“You’ll get it fixed up,” I assured him. “Don’t worry…”

“I’m an idiot,” he repeated. “I should’ve been thinking of our safety, but instead I was only…I was only thinking of the light. The stupid light.”

I could barely see his face, but I knew his expression was dejected.

“I’m okay, aren’t I?” I said.

“For a second, I thought - ” he hesitated, then rubbed his hands over his face, as if to try and clear his mind. “For a second I thought I’d got you killed.”

“Oh, please. I’ve ridden into bigger pot-holes.”

“I know. But the feeling…I’m so fucking sorry.”

I groped for his hand in the dark, and held it tight.

“Your hand’s cold,” I said.

“So is yours.”

“I’m sorry we didn’t get a photograph.”

“Forget the photograph. Forget the whole thing.”

As I sat and looked out across the dark hills and valleys, I realised we were going to be okay. I could see the distant twinkles of windows and Christmas trees and fairy-lights, probably a hundred people eating a late supper and watching television. People with cars and trucks and tractors who’d be willing to tow us out.

“Hey.” I nudged him with my elbow. “We found a UFO.”

“...Yeah. Yeah, we did.

��We should go get help.”

“We should.”

“And then we should head down to my local pub. We could both use a pint.”

“God, yeah.”

We rose unsteadily to our feet. Gripping his torch with one hand, and my hand with the other, Gethin led the way down the hill towards the lights of civilisation.

For @lordbettany