#he realizes that the reality of the underground was too complicated for a far removed council to fix from their ivory tower

[feifiefofum]

arcane: a study in letting go

and how the mains failed to, leading to destruction.

there’s been a bit discussed on here about vi and jinx but i don’t think anyone’s talked about how the two sisters have both failed to let go properly in the buddhist sense until the very end- and in the incorrect way at that.

there are a lot of strings of attachment everywhere, it’s kinda glaring. i could run down every character and pick apart attachments left and right, there are cobwebs of it everywhere once you go looking. piltover is overrun with illusions of choice when they’re all actually puppeteer-ed by their own delusions and beliefs.

the two who are front and center is vi and jinx. they’re so obvious it’s painful.

vi is bound up with her guilt from her mistake from years ago, when she struck powder in anger and is unable to accept that the powder she knew no longer exists. there may be a fragment of her buried in jinx, but vi refuses to let go of the ghost of powder and confront the real danger her sister poses.

on some level vi knows that powder might be a little too far gone. she’s all too ready to believe that she was about to be confronted with caitlyn’s head on a platter. she believes, hopes, that all of jinx is silco’s fault, which is bound up in her guilt (which both alleviates (it’s silco’s doing that created jinx) and exacerbates by it (vi sent jinx to silco when vi hit powder)). because of this, vi is dogmatic in foiling silco’s plans. she’s a little too okay with collateral damage that ends up with a dead kid. she’s blinded by her guilt, jinx is a literal blind spot for her- vi doesn’t see her own sister coming for her.

and that blindness comes from her love and attachment to powder. she’ll confront every ill in the underground except jinx. kinda like silco.

jinx’s attachment to vi is even more blatant. her attachment jumps out of the screen to strangle you- she’s possessive (vi can not have any other affiliates (caitlyn, ekko)) and her trauma (accidentally killing her extended family when trying to help) does not help. her trauma pushes her to be even more fixated on vi than ever, and silco, who tries to move into the spot where vi once occupied (stalwart defender and confidante) so that he can utilize that big brain of hers, she’s not exactly stable. no one can have vi except jinx, and she’s idealized her past, elevating vi to some perfect enabler of hers. which, sadly, silco does to her detriment.

silco pretty much grooms jinx to be his perfect tool for revenge for the injustices perpetrated on the underground by piltover. frankly, he’s the worst at letting go of anything, his grudge against piltover, his grudge against vander, which were planted when he couldn’t let go of his grudge against piltover. the man is so bound up in his hate hard on for piltover that he drove everyone away.

vander looked around at the culmination of their war against piltover and couldn’t stomach the cost. silco was all about doubling down even harder, to the detriment of everyone. when silco said he wasn’t going to turn over jinx, part of me believed him, because i think he’s just spiteful enough to choose an unwinnable war with piltover over bartering for a brighter future that he claims to want.

for the rwby fans, this is adam. vindictive, hateful, grudge oriented. like, neither character is wrong to be mad, but they are wrong to sacrifice the dream (equality) for vengeance(spite). silco would rather it all burn over letting piltover have any kind of ‘victory’ over him (losing jinx). he was about to get his own fucking nation- everything he ever wanted, maybe even build something better than whatever piltover has in their bougie ass white marbled wonder (doubtful, but a possibility). he’s got options but he chooses his hate-on.

jinx chose the grooming, the strings that silco tied to her because why wouldn’t she? confronted with the reality of the sister who in the past both built her up and confronted her on her shortcomings, why would she not choose the sweet poison of silco’s enabling intoxication? jinx is confronted with choosing an enabler and someone who calls her on her shit (being a violent homicidal narcissist, unable to confront her trauma). of course she’d rather not take the bitterness of reality when the illusion is so much sweeter.

toxic, but sweet.

and living in the squalid conditions of the underground, why wouldn’t she?

in the end, vi is forced to let go of powder, or the illusion of powder that she had. confronted with the reality of jinx starting a war with piltover, and caitlyn’s devastation, she’s forced to confront the reality of jinx maybe not having all of her marbles.

jinx let’s go of the illusion of vi that she held onto. that big sister that would support her without ever saying no, with no boundaries. basically, big sister vilco. but she’s not getting that, ever, so she let’s it go by firing a big honking rocket at piltover to start a war that her enabler wanted.

[marshmallowprotection]

Gladiolus.

Description: Jihyun Kim knew what he had to do to protect both Saeran and Saeyoung, but what happens when he realizes that he needs to help himself and change the course of his life to accomplish it? Will he have the strength to be the Dad that he needs to be for them in the face of his mistakes and victories?

Photographer Saeran AU

Word Count: 10500

Based on this idea and thanks to @dailysaeran​ for drawing baby Saeran!

[Read on AO3]

Jihyun had heard that the winds of change could come into your life and dismantle everything that you thought would last forever. Life wasn’t always a constant stream where the water would twist and turn around the rocks the same way. The weather would change, the temperature would change, the currents would change, and even the animals that lived in the water would change as the seasons passed. 

It had been something that he had gone through twice before, but this change wasn’t one that he ever expected to come. It had been a realization that had been a long time coming, but he hadn’t allowed himself to see just how much he needed to stop and reflect on the man that he became as his life shifted to much more mature adulthood. 

The first time things changed, he lost his dear mother and it changed the way that he believed in love. Her adoration and commitment to him had made him believe that he needed to care for the people he loved no matter what, without fail, even if it meant that he would sacrifice himself. In hindsight, now he was able to see how this extreme wasn’t the right way to handle his feelings towards others. 

His mother had always loved him and wanted the best for him. But, at that time,  he had been a stubborn young man who had layered issues with his mother. It wasn’t her fault that his father had taught him to feel complicated about his mother, and it certainly wasn’t her fault that V had come to realize too late that his father had manipulated him to believe in his lies. He had been so afraid as a child of his father seeing his true passion. 

His fears and insecurities forced him into pushing his mother away over and over again, but she kept believing in him and pushing for him to find his dream. Her sacrifice for him during the fire that claimed her life had been what changed Jihyun forever. He thought that to love someone, he had to give everything for the rest of his life, even if that meant trying to help someone by being too pushy. 

His mistake here had nearly cost him everything. 

It had almost destroyed him, in the same way, that his mother had been destroyed by her love and compassion for her son whom she loved dearly. He had learned the wrong lesson and it was only recently that he was able to understand that. 

The second time things changed, he had met Rika, and by extension, he would eventually come into contact with Saeyoung. His love life with Rika had always been intense, blinding as the sun as the two of them tangled their broken hearts looking for a savior to believe in. But, their love wasn’t right for one another at the end of the day, and the more they argued the less idyllic their reality became. 

He wanted to help Rika escape from her nightmares and trauma, but he had no idea how to help her in the way that she needed him to. He thought that allowing her to fixate on her darkest and scariest thoughts by subjecting him to them instead of herself, would help her to break free of the chain. She was a star that was on the brink of exploding when he met her, and every single day, he idealized this and found a muse within it. 

It hadn’t been a healthy relationship once their feelings became tangled with the fruits of poison but as that realization grew to a fever pitch, V couldn’t ignore the cycle that had been created. Even if they ignored it and tried to make things work, it was never going to work and they were needless in the way that they continued to subject themselves to something that would never make them feel the love that they deserved. 

Everyone thought that their love was perfect, but it was far from the truth. This was realized just as they began to help the twins. Saeyoung and Saeran Choi were two young boys who had been living in hell their entire lives, and they were trapped in a cycle of abuse that they could not get out of on their own. Rika had been taking care of Saeyoung for a while, gaining his trust through the church and trying to help him bring more food and clothes home to his sickly twin. 

She’d known him for quite some time before Jihyun met him. But, Rika had been upfront with him about the life that this young boy lived, and it didn’t take much consideration for him to so badly want to help. Saeyoung was willing to do anything, try something, or beg if it meant that his brother could be safe and sound away from harm. Their mother was using them to blackmail their father into getting whatever she wanted, and without them, she wouldn’t be able to assert that control. 

Rika, at first, wanted to simply remove the boys in the dead of night and run. V thought that wasn’t a bad idea, but when Saeyoung admitted the identity of his father, they both knew in their hearts that running wasn’t going to be a viable option. 

It was in their hunt to find a way to get the older twin an escape that V met someone from the agency. A fan of his that loved to buy up so many of his photographs happened to be working for an underground facility that took any intelligent young people under their wings. The man spun it to him like being an escape from reality, an action movie suddenly came to life that would give the budding Choi a place to learn how to use his skills to protect himself. 

As Saeyoung had proven to be quite skillful with programming, the books that he had been studying that had been given to him by Rika had come in handy. He was able to prove that his skill was worth the trouble it would take to train him properly to the man, and Jihyun was able to make a deal through that, giving Saeyoung safety within the confines of secret protection where his hacking skills could eventually help him hide everything about himself and his brother. 

For the time being, Saeyoung would have to let go of his twin to go into the agency to study and become what they wanted him to be. There was no telling how long he would owe the agency his life and skill, it could’ve been years or it could’ve lasted his entire life. But, the deal would give him time to figure out how to become the strongest person that he could be. It would allow him to protect his brother, which is all he wanted.

In making this deal with the agency, he made a second deal with V for it. Saeyoung was a very firm negotiator when he wanted to be. The promise was that as long as Saeyoung was in the care of the agency, V and/or Rika would have to care for his brother and keep him hidden. It was this large promise to make that meant that everything in their lives would change, but V took this deal because he knew it was the right thing to do. He wanted nothing more than to protect those boys with his entire heart. 

He had never been this committed to the idea of protecting children before, but he supposed that he saw his pain in their eyes. He never wanted to see another child hurt from whatever they lived through, no matter how deep the pain buried itself into their bodies. This deal was made and the older twin had to leave without warning. His heart ached to know that he couldn’t tell his twin where he was going. 

People in the agency weren’t allowed to have connections with family or loved ones. If they did, people would use them as collateral and the agency couldn’t have their members breaking down every time someone wound up kidnapped or used a prop. Saeyoung couldn’t stomach the idea of knowing that his brother would get hurt when this was to protect him, so when the day came and he had to leave? 

He hugged his brother tightly as he was still resting and apologized, leaving during the time before the sun rose with just the clothes on his back. Saeran would be okay, but he had to break his heart into pieces to do it. His little brother was everything to him and just knowing that he could taste some kind of freedom was all he needed to choose to leave. Saeyoung had tears in his eyes that day, but he never stopped smiling. 

Those words that Saeyoung spoke still haunted him somewhat, as the undaunted expression in his eyes grew; “Saeran will have a good life. I know he will. He’ll be free to look at the grounds and get any kind of ice cream that he wants after dinner from now on. He’ll get to experience all kinds of firsts… he can read, draw, and try all kinds of things with you, V. He’ll make friends, he’ll fall in love, he’ll have everything that he could ever want. Thank you.” 

That hung heavy on V’s shoulders as it was a tall order to fulfill. But, he took that promise and he kept it deeply interwoven inside of his heart. Even as his and Rika’s relationship came to an end in a matter of seconds. Rika realized after just a short time being around Saeran that his pain was too great compared to her own, and it reminded her too much of her mother and the pain that she had suffered. 

She wanted to protect Saeran, but this realization had given her the ugly truth. She couldn’t give him the love that he needed alongside V… because her heart was still wounded, and she wanted to heal herself in the right way before she tried to help someone in need in the way that he truly needed. His pain was like her own, and in seeing that, she knew that she needed to end things with V to be able to help herself. 

As they had been growing apart over some time, V understood why she chose to do this and he knew that it was coming no matter what happened. They had never been perfect for each other and trying to force themselves to stay together to take care of Saeran simply wasn’t going to help that child in need. 

Rika dedicated herself back to going to therapy consistently and decided to put all her energy into creating the RFA so she could help Saeran and other children like him that way, removed from the situation but still close enough to provide help.

She loved V but their love couldn’t ever be more than what it had always been, mere infatuation and trying to cover their wounds with a meager bandaid that couldn’t heal the problem. He cared for her greatly but at the end of the day, love could not bloom and prosper in a garden without a drop of water in the intense heat of the sun. 

V understood his failing in their relationship as well, and through her insistence, as well as the urging of Jumin, he decided that he needed to get help for himself as well. Even if getting help was such a taboo in his culture, he knew that he needed it. He knew that his heart was wounded and to be a better man, he had to acknowledge what he had gone through. After all, if he was to be Saeran’s father, he wanted to be worthy of the title. 

He wanted to be able to prove to not only himself but everyone around him that he could do the right thing. It wasn’t easy for him to face his demons but it was a process that he wanted to start for his heath. While that started and he and Rika separated, he slowly took the time to lure Saeran away from his mother’s grasp day by day. It started with Rika convincing the woman to let him come to the cathedral every so often. 

But, in due time, the longer that Saeran was gone, the less time that his mother was aware of her surroundings and the people around herself. 

She had been drinking often since Saeyoung had left and it left her out of her mind for lengthy periods. When she was too dazed to even process what her name was, much less where her child was, that’s when V and Rika snuck in during the dead of night when she was passed out and there was no sign of any watchful eyes from Saejoong Choi. 

Saeran was removed from her household and brought to V’s house in the secluded mountains, far from the city but just close enough that they wouldn’t have a lengthy drive if push came to shove and they needed something. 

That woman was left in her despair but her fate hung in the balance the minute that she was left alone. They took extreme measures to make it look like the boys hadn’t even lived there in the first place, but whatever Saejoong Choi decided to do with that woman… it would be the price of her sins to face alone now that she no longer could use the boys as puppets. Neither V nor Rika would look back or try to discern her true fate. 

It would be up to fate in that case and they would shield Saeran from that reality as much as they could. He might have cared for the idea of his mother as he craved a family where he was wanted and loved, but she wasn’t someone who truly loved her sons. They couldn’t be properly called her sons because she never treated them the way a mother should treat their child. She simply did not deserve that title. 

Regardless, with Saeran under his care, he was finally able to wake up one morning and know that he had a bed that couldn’t be taken away from him. He’d been given his bedroom with anything that he could desire. Saeyoung had told them about some of the things that he liked and it helped them figure out what to gift him to make him feel more at home. 

It was a lot for Saeran all at once, though. 

His eyes flooded with tears that day as he realized that he had a bed for the first time in his life. He looked back at V and asked him, “Is that mine?” The twins had slept on a mat on the floor with only a single blanket to share between them. Saeran often wound up wearing the blanket after he fell asleep because Saeyoung would refuse to take it. So, a bed was like the biggest gift this child had ever seen. 

Saeran’s eyes flooded with tears as he hugged V without thinking, looking at him with the most joyful expression in his eyes. V felt his heart jump when he did, and a lump grew in his throat as he ruffled the boy’s hair and smiled in return. This was what Saeyoung wanted, his twin to be able to have the very thing that they had been denied from their birth, a home with a family that would protect him.

He had been barely fourteen years old, but the way his donated clothes clung to his body and how short he was, he could’ve passed easily as a ten-year-old, at best. He was small and barely able to hold himself up most days but that had been a happy moment for him. Saeran had only let go of V to race to the bed, flopping onto the soft mattress and rolling onto his back, laughing and giggling with glee. 

His room was a paradise of pinks and blues, very gentle pastels that would cloak him with the sunshine that he had been denied. His room had a large window that he could open if he wanted to see the sky or feel the fresh breeze on his face once again. 

There was a view of the garden in the back and the massive trees that lead into the forest further behind that. He could see all of the things that he never could have locked away in his mother’s house.

There were plushies and toys carefully tucked into the room as well since Saeyoung had been firmly adamant that his twin loved to color and all the picture books that he had received made him long for toys and soft things to hold onto. 

There was one gift in that room that hadn’t been chosen by V… and it was a ginger tabby cat plushie, something that Saeyoung picked out for him after he snuck out to go shopping with V one day. 

If Saeran were to flip the tag around its neck, he would see his brother’s handwriting on the back plain as day. It didn’t say his brother’s name on it but it did say, “For Saeran,” and that would be the only clue his twin needed to understand that it was a gift from Saeyoung. He would discover it when V left him to acclimate to his new room by himself, eyes laced with happy tears as he’d realize his twin had given him a gift. 

It meant that his brother was alive and this was where he wanted him to be.

Saeran was hopeful after that, his eyes sparkling with relief and joy. V couldn’t tell him where his twin was or anything about him, but the gift was enough. It was a gesture that would be able to tide him over and keep his heart happy, knowing that he hadn’t been abandoned and his twin hadn’t been killed by their father. 

It was a simple gesture but it was the only thing that he could think of to bypass the agency before they even knew it was a problem. 

Of course, this opened up another can of worms that V had to deal with. The fact of the matter was, Saeran couldn’t keep his red hair. Even if he was hidden away from the rest of the world and safe with him, they couldn’t trust that his father wasn’t still looking. He would be hunting around for boys with red hair and golden eyes. 

V had to explain this to Saeran, who felt a little dejected about not being able to keep his hair but after he learned why he had to change it, he was okay with it. After all, he knew that he could be able to dye it back someday if he wanted. But, for the time being, he had to dye his hair to look like V’s did. This was for a very good reason and it worked with the backstory that he was going to tell people if they asked about him having a child. 

Through the false documentation that he was able to create thanks to the channel he had created with his informants, he was able to create an entire fabricated life for Saeran. It took a lot of time to look into his mother’s side, but he was able to make it seem as though Saeran was just a very distant cousin of his from the states that had no other family to turn to. It meant he wouldn’t be in the family registry since it was distant. 

It was close enough that a doctored birth certificate and some basic paperwork could give him a new identity overall. It took a lot of money to make it as perfect and legal as possible, but it was well worth the price he paid. To the South Korean government as far as they were concerned in the matter, Saeran would simply be known as Ray Kim, the adopted child of Jihyun Kim. It was as simple as that. 

Saeran had been adamant about the name since he got to pick what people would call him. He thought about it for a while until he stumbled upon an interesting idiom. He noticed that nice people were called a Ray of Sunshine. Saeran felt connected with that idea, he wanted so badly to be happy enough that people would never think he was lonely and pathetic. 

He wanted to be that person that looked so happy they glowed. 

If Saeyoung was watching over him now, he wanted his brother to know that he was happy. So, his new name should’ve been happy. V agreed and let him pick that name since he was giving up a lot to be able to have this freedom in the first place. He was a child that had been saved but he still had limitations on what he could do. Being able to choose his name was one of the small luxuries. 

Of course, as soon as the paperwork was ready, V had to dye his hair himself. It took a while to lighten his red locks to a color that would accept the mint dye, but Saeran was a good sport for the entire time that he had to sit there at the table, letting V do his hair in layers as everything started to process. It took a few hours but by the end of it, Saeran’s red was washed away and replaced with a color that was no different than V’s. 

The child looked into the mirror once his hair had dried out, blinking a few times at his reflection since he didn’t recognize it at first. His golden eyes stared back at him so he knew that it was his face in the mirror but it felt weird not to see his twin’s face reflected with his own. It wasn’t the same as it used to be, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t okay. 

It was okay. 

He knew it would be okay. 

In a quiet voice, he asked, “Do you think Saeyoung would be upset because I don’t look like him anymore?” 

“Saeyoung would be happy that you’re safe here,” V said. He rested his hand against Saeran’s shoulder and they looked back at their reflections together this time. “You’ll always look like your brother, even if you don’t have the same hair color. Nobody can ever take that connection away from you, Saeran. Never forget that.” 

“Okay.” 

“Do you want to try on the contacts, too? You don’t have to use them when we’re at home, but if we leave the house for something together, I’ll need you to wear them, okay? So, it’d be nice to try to practice getting them off and on your eyes.” 

“Are they this color, too?”

“I picked a few different colors out, Saeran. What would you like to try?” 

“Um, what about green? It’s like the grass!” 

“We can try that.” 

  —

  Saeran adjusted as best he could.

Everything changed so much for him after he finally felt secure. He had room to sleep in, he had a house that could leave whenever he wanted, and he had a new member of his family who liked to listen to him talk for hours about all of the new things that he was doing. V even said that once he felt like he was ready, he could start going to school and hang out with kids his age. 

That was a little scary for Saeran to think about. He wasn’t sure about going out in the open with people… he was still scared of being caught by his father and getting his brother into trouble. It was a sad reality that he faced but the decision was ultimately left in his hands if he wanted to go to school with other kids or he simply wanted V to hire him a proper tutor to come and visit the house every week. 

Saeran was curious about school… about kids his age. Back at the cathedral, he didn’t talk much to the other kids because he had felt too shy to approach them. He had spoken to some of the kids a few times during the playtime that they had whilst the parents were in the middle of their mass, but he always got too anxious to talk to them beyond a few quiet “hello”s. 

It was hard to imagine making friends. 

It was hard to imagine going to school, too. 

But, everything he saw on the television made it seem like it might be fun. What if Saeyoung was going to a school? Would he want him to go, too? He wasn’t so sure about it, but he could think about it and try to guess what it would be like. After all, V went to a school when he’d been a kid, so that meant that it was safe, right? 

Saeran was a gentle soul that liked to learn how to do everything… every meal was spent trying to show him how to do something. Cleaning up meant that he wanted to help V every step of the way, and for the time that he wasn’t trying to learn skills, he could be found outside in the garden that was growing stronger outside. The flowers and vegetables had caught his eye, again. 

He spent a lot of time learning about them at the cathedral but he didn’t have long to study the picture book that V got him when he was stuck with his mother. He liked learning about how they drew and what they meant when you shared them with other people. Saeran thought it was interesting that people could share secrets between petals and stems. 

They were all so pretty and he liked talking to them whenever he could. They were like his friends even if they couldn’t talk back to him. He never had someone who listened so much before so he liked that about them. His flowers were everything to him, and he felt like they could be what he needed to get by instead of school! 

Even if he was curious about what it felt like to have friends that could talk back to him. His flowers were good enough, right? 

V told him that flowers grow better when you talk to them, and he took that belief inside of his heart without question. Even though there was so much that he wanted to share with the flowers, he always ran out of time when the sunset. If he could’ve spent all his time in that little garden, he would have. Though, he was always sad on rainy days when couldn’t go outside and see his friends. 

He would curl up on the couch with his plushie and stare up at the ceiling for a while, letting his mind wander with thoughts that seemed endless. He was lonely, now, even if he had a family of flowers and V with him. Maybe V was right, he wondered, maybe it would be nice to have some friends that he could talk to just as much as he loved talking to his flower friends. What if he was allowed to have both? 

After a particularly stormy day and night that hadn’t let him go outside, Saeran practically leaped at the chance to go outside again. He didn’t even think to ask if V was going to come with him, his little legs just carried him through the house and out the backdoor as fast as they could. He found his way around the puddles and beamed, leaning over with his hands on his knees to inspect his friends. 

They looked like they had gotten a lot of water overnight but after how dry it had been, he wasn’t too scared for them. He just wished that he had a chance to see them even when it was raining badly. His flower friends made his day feel a little bit brighter so seeing them made them was always a good feeling he had. He just didn’t know how to see them if it was raining so much all the time!

That’s when Jihyun appeared beside him, crouching down in the dirt next to Saeran with his camera in hand. Saeran cocked his head and looked at him, unsure why he had come to this part of their garden right away. He lifted the viewfinder to his face and pointed it at one of the flowers that he had been admiring, then he lowered the device and showed the image to Saeran. 

With curious and amazing eyes, Saeran found himself staring at a reflection of the flower. He’d known that V took photos of things that were kind of like what he saw on the walls of their little house but those were all of the sky and stars. There weren’t photos of flowers in the house, there were a few paintings, but no flower pictures. 

He didn’t realize that pictures could be taken of things that were on Earth. Technology was still kind of a fickle thing for Saeran. He had a hard time understanding how things worked, trying to figure out how televisions made their picture happen, how phones could call people if they didn’t have a connection with a string, how cameras worked, how lights functioned to off and on, how a sink made water, and more. 

The house that he lived in with his brother didn’t have a lot of things. The kitchen they had was small and he wasn’t allowed in it. His brother would have to get him food and water, and if he’d ever walked into the kitchen without his mother dragging him in there, he would get hurt in the process. He never looked around. He always looked at his feet. 

It felt like he didn’t know how anything worked. He always tried to guess how they worked, but the only answer that he could come up with was magic. It made sense in the storybook that he’d read once. Magic seemed like a really good answer, but he couldn’t ever find the fairy or witch that was making it work! 

What made V’s camera work? 

He was utterly mystified by what he was seeing on the device. He liked the photos that V took of the sky but… he never thought that this was something he could do. V always had a lot of big cameras that he would take outside during the day and night to take longer photos. He said something about exposure, but Ray didn’t know what he meant. 

He just knew that whatever magic he did made those really pretty photos of the fluffy clouds come into their living room. V had hung the photo that Saeran liked the most in his room after he asked if he could look at the photo for a while. He thought that asking meant that V would let him look at his screen for a while, but he printed the photo out and put it up when he was asleep. It was a nice surprise! 

He spoke up without knowing what he said aloud, “You… you can take pictures of flowers, too? I thought your camera only worked the sky.” 

A small smile appeared on V’s face. He paused as if an idea came to mind, and then he leaned over and pressed the camera into Saeran’s hands. Saeran was surprised and looked down at the device in his hands. He didn’t know what to do with it. He was nervous he might drop it if V let him hold it, so he tried to hand it back, but V insisted with another gentle nudge towards him to keep it. 

“Lift the camera and look at the screen,” V tapped his finger against the top of the camera where he was staring. “Notice how it shows you what you already see in the garden? 

Saeran did as he said, and he noticed the world moved much as it did on television on that small screen. Oh, so, did the cameras that took pictures to take the videos, too? That seemed to make sense to him. He could see the Gladiolus reflected on the monitor. There were a lot of buttons that did things but he didn’t know what they did. 

Saeran pursed his lips and looked back at V, “How do you make it work like that? I mean, how do you take the picture?” 

“I’d be happy to show you. Can I?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

So, V adjusted Saeran’s hold on the camera. He helped him place one firm hand on the lens and another on the side of the camera. Then, he showed him how to focus the lens and how to clear up the picture. Saeran felt a little weird about it since this was his first time holding a camera but V was patient as his uncertainty slowly washed away. 

He looked at the flower outside of the lens at first, then he looked at the screen again. Saeran thought about it. Would the picture look the same as the real thing? Would someone who saw the photo know exactly what Saeran felt when he was looking at the flower? Or, would they guess as to what he felt? Would they feel that fluttering feeling, too?

“When you want to take a photo, you hit the button. Go ahead, give it a try.” 

Saeran hit the switch on the side of the camera and waited a few seconds for the image to show itself on the screen. A wide smile appeared on his face as soon as it did. He couldn’t believe it! He’d taken a photo and it looked just like his flower! Lowering the camera soon, he looked at V who was smiling, too. 

He wished that he could show Saeyoung! He never took a photo before and this one reminded him of his brother so much! He was happy, so happy that he had been able to try something new, that he didn’t even realize that he had begun to giggle, “I did it! Dad, I did it! I took the photo!” 

“You did a good job, Saeran. Would you like to keep trying?” 

V ruffled his hair once again, the mint locks growing messy around his eyes as it would always do whenever the man did that. The breeze was no different, further messing up his hair but he’d decided he didn’t care about that. His hair could be as messy as he wanted and nobody would get onto him for it. 

Saeran’s smile didn’t fade away this time. The prospect that he was allowed to try something more than just once was still a foreign feeling, but it was one that he wasn’t afraid of. “Do you mean it? I can take more photos? I don’t have to just take one of them? I can take anything I want?” 

“Of course, Saeran. I’d be happy to show you how to take pictures of anything you want. There is no limit to what you can take. Those flowers, those trees, the lake just beyond them, the sky, the clouds, you, me, anything you want! I remember you said that you wanted to be able to see your flowers even when it was rainy… and this way you can. You can take pictures of as many flowers as you want.” 

Saeran’s eyes sparkled with excitement. He turned away from V and began to look around the garden for anything that might catch his eye. He didn’t know where to start. He never expected to be able to do something like this! What kind of pictures would he like to see? Oh, could he take photos like V and surprise him the way that he did? 

There were so many ideas running through him and he knew that he wanted to try all of them as soon as he could. 

He was renewed with the idea that maybe, just maybe he would be able to send these photos to his brother somehow. Wouldn’t Saeyoung love to see them? He gripped the device tightly in his hands and set off into the garden leaving V as he went to take photos of everything. His eyes looking at the earth and the sky, taking photos of everything without feeling like he was being held down. 

If he could have photos with him whenever he went off what he loved, he wouldn’t be afraid to try new things anymore. It wouldn’t be scary because he wouldn’t be alone. He could have the stars, the sun, the clouds, the sky, the flowers, his house, V, himself, and anything else that he could think of with him anywhere. 

If it was printed or on this camera, he could have it any time he wanted it without having to make a fuss. He wouldn’t have to ask V if he could go outside first, he could sit at the table and see his things while he tried to do other things inside! The idea made him happy and the camera that was in his hand made him feel liberated. 

Saeran wondered as if V would let him borrow his camera all the time!

   —

 Seasons passed and life changed just as quickly as the tides could crash against the shore of your favorite beach. It had been a few years since V had adopted Ray and ever since then, his life had been on a path that was leading him upward to the stars instead of down below to where waters lay underneath his feet. 

Ray had been able to go to school and attend the same one that his dad had attended without trouble, and nobody once ever questioned him or thought twice about who he was. They all thought him to be Ray Kim, and nobody had any reason to think that he wasn’t who he said he was. They all assumed that he was who he said he was from the start and that had cleared up a lot of Ray’s fears. 

It couldn’t have worked out any better. Ray had been scared to try new things for such a long time but the reality was when V gave him his first camera… It was like a whole new world of opportunity was handed to him. V spent hours showing Ray how to use his camera and he was a faster learner, constantly taking notes and tinkering with ideas that he had just as quickly as he read on what to do.

The camera meant so much to Ray that V decided to give it to him. He had the money to afford a new one, anyway, so he wasn’t too worried about that. It meant more to him that Ray had this thing that made him happy. He loved taking pictures a lot. It reminded V of when he used to use all of his time as a child drawing and painting, and when he saw that passion in Ray’s eyes that he had once seen in himself? 

He realized what his mother had meant all those years ago. 

She hadn’t been trying to pry into his life or make him do something she wanted. She wanted him to follow his heart. Through therapy, he was able to focus on learning that fact. 

He wanted to show his mother that he could do what she did, or at least, what she tried to do. He wanted to support Ray’s dream to be an artist, to be a photographer, too. 

Ray’s photos were… breathtaking and he only got better with time and practice. His skill was astounding, he was capable of tricks and feats that had taken V years to figure out on his own so it meant everything to know that giving Ray a camera had been the right thing to do. Even as he got older and studied hard, he never let go of his passion with his camera. 

When he wasn’t doing his homework, or spending time with his gardening club, he was taking photos. 

His skills were well-admired. 

V knew that Ray had potential and he wanted to help him chase that dream even further, but he also knew that Ray’s face couldn’t be shown as the artist for now. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t worthy of a gallery with his name on it but he deserved something to prove how much his hard work meant. 

He was stubborn, polite, hard-working, and determined to pay people back for kindness. He never asked V very much if he could help it. Even Jumin had commented that his son was rather selfless time and time again, jesting that he had been spending too much time with his father. 

All and all, Ray had grown into an upstanding young man who had a bright future ahead of him, even if he couldn’t have everything. He had a family and friends that cared about him, and he was so very far from the little frightened boy that he had once been. Nobody would have ever believed that the boy with mint curls was once a redhead who lived in fear, clutching to his twin like he was a lifeline.

The RFA had prospered as well, though Ray wasn’t a member of the group. 

He was anxious around big parties and crowds so it was better for him to avoid that. But, he still spoke to the members that were in the group that his Dad belonged to. He liked talking to Jumin, as it turned out, they had a lot in common. Ray was polite and formal when he spoke, and Jumin’d been like that all his life. So, they hit it off great. 

There had been some trips V and Jumin took, bringing Ray along with them to the countryside since he couldn’t leave Korea for his safety. Ray often spent those days staring at everything he could find and asking Jumin about the history or background of the places they traveled. He loved to learn and listen, and Jumin loved to share that with someone. It humbled V to see his friend and son get along. 

Jaehee was courteous to Ray as he often was with her, though, he was the first person to ask Jumin to make fewer cat projects to quote, “not stress Miss Jaehee out.” Ray liked to talk to her because she’d always listen to whatever he was invested in. He would, in turn, listen to her talk about Zen for a while. Their friendship was built on having someone close by who knew what it felt like to want to be heard. 

Speaking of Zen, the actor spent a lot of time looking out for Ray… somehow even more so than Yoosung. It might have been because Ray was awfully small for his height and if someone tried to fight him, he’d probably lose before they breathed on him. Zen was always trying to give him advice about the world and Ray took it, but everyone would correct the advice if it turned into his dating advice.

Yoosung was the closest in age to him but they didn’t have a lot in common. They would share notes and study guides often if they shared a subject in school, even though they were going to the same school, but they talked now and again about other things. They surprisingly shared a lot of recipes together and would work to make them if the RFA was in the same place for an extended period. 

Rika was around, of course, and Ray didn’t mind her too much. They didn’t talk often but she always checked in on him whenever she got the chance. Her dedication to herself had done a lot of wonders for her, but she still struggled with the fear that she might hurt Ray without meaning to so she kept to a polite distance from him apart from this or that. 

V himself was trying his best to be a good father. He made mistakes now and again, but he was doing his best to be there for Ray when he needed someone. Ray had even started calling Dad a long time ago without thinking twice. It was an honor to be given that name, and he would be a liar if he said he didn’t cry that night after Ray went to bed. They spent a long time trying to be sure that bond was tried and true.

Ray had the life that his brother always wanted for him… with one exception to the very rule, he wasn’t in it. Saeyoung wasn’t in his life. He was trapped within the agency and the promise that he had made, but he still thought to this day that his promise was worth it. V couldn’t ever tell him anything about Ray the few fleeting times they got to talk about things on the phone, but he did know that the “cat” was doing better than ever. 

Life was different. 

But, at the same time, life was better than it had ever been. 

However, as he thought about how sad it was that the boys couldn’t see each other, the gears in his brain began to churn. He wanted the boys to have a chance for something, but to give them a chance, he would have to be careful about what he did. As he looked out the window of his kitchen to the backyard, he saw Ray taking photos again, laying in the glass as he stared at the sky once again. 

Could he give Ray and Saeyoung a gift at the same time? 

V would have to think deeply about this. 

 —

 Seven had received a simple invitation in the mail that wasn’t labeled and wasn’t decorated. It was a mint-colored letter that told him who it was from but wouldn’t reveal to Vanderwood, his handler, that it was a message from someone that he cared about. He had to wait a few days to open it because he had just moved into his new house and Vanderwood had to help him set up a lot of things. 

When he opened the letter, he’d been surprised to see that it was a decorated invitation to visit V’s upcoming art exhibition. He was supposedly showing off new works that he had done as well as the works of his new assistant that had just joined him. That didn’t strike him as odd at first, but what did stand out was the message that V penned at the bottom of the letter.

There was just one sentence. 

The cat will be there on display. — V

Seven was able to put two and two together. He realized that V was implying that his twin was going to be showing off art for the first time, underneath a pseudonym, of course, but he didn’t once think that his brother would be able to do something like that. He had no idea of the life his twin was living, what he did, what he loved, who he was now, or what it meant to be a part of his life the way that V was. 

That was just it… he wasn’t apart of Saeran’s life. He was just his brother that had to leave him, and that was it. He hadn’t seen him in years and a part of him wanted badly to know how he was doing and what he was doing with his life, and this alone should’ve been enough to make him be sure that Saeran was safe and happy. 

But, his stomach twisted in knots as he realized that he wanted to go. He wanted to go there and see Saeran in person if he could. It wasn’t a good idea, it was a dangerous idea, but the more he thought about his brother, the more he felt like he needed to see him. He didn’t want to risk any part of Saeran’s new life. 

He didn’t want to be the wrench that destroyed everything that Saeran had, because if V was able to do these kinds of things for him, then that meant he was happy. It meant that he had nice ways of living now, and that he had anything he could ever want. It seemed good to know that much, at the very least. He stared at that invitation for the longest time. 

He didn’t know what to do with himself because he was between wanting to go to see what he looked like all grown up and happy, but the other part of him warned that if he went, he would risk Saeran’s life all over again. Even if he was careful and lied about everything, it might still put a target on Saeran’s back.

Seven spent a long time thinking about it. 

The choice was his to make and V didn’t say that he had to go. He just made it an option that he could choose to come if he wanted. If he could come, anyway. V didn’t know certain things for his own protection. He only knew Seven’s new address for emergency reasons in case something went wrong with Saeran and they had to run through proper protocol. 

Should he go and risk it all? 

Or, should he stay and keep this letter as a token that Saeran was safe? 

It was a big choice to make and he didn’t know the right answer, and there was nobody to ask or talk to about the answer that he wanted to make. Nobody could make it for him and he had to do it on his own. That’s what he always had to do. He always had to decide things that were above his pay grade… it was the price of being the big brother, he always told himself. 

In the end, Seven decided to risk it.

He made a plan for it and worked himself into the ground for days ahead of time so he would have a day off. Those didn’t come very often and Vanderwood wouldn’t bother him as long as the work got done. If he didn’t, they would drop by and remind him what was at risk if they’d shirked off when they didn’t need to. When they weren’t supposed to. Their lives were on the line and that was the truth. 

The agency had never been like the movies. 

It was much, much worse.

This wasn't the kind of life or you could just hack something and get paid for it. They did expect him to be able to do things without a single question. He was expected to absorb information like a sponge and that was all he had to do. If he couldn't keep up with everything that they planned out for him, then it would just end poorly. It would end the same way that Vanderwood had been telling him… in his death. 

He didn't plan on dying anytime soon if he had anything to say about it. He was going to keep living because he needed to. There was no other choice in his heart. His brother needed him to be alive and that was the only way it had to be. It was the only way he was going to let it be. He was doing this so he could have the last bit of motivation in his heart to know that he was doing the right thing. 

He kept telling himself that if he saw Saeran just one more time… 

Just one more time. 

It would never happen again and he would never let it be that way. It was a selfish desire because he had already wasted a lot of time by waiting until late that morning with his brother all those years ago. He couldn't leave his brother in the middle of the night. His brother was afraid of being alone in the dark and he waited for sunrise because if he could do anything that day, it would be to leave his brother feeling hopeful instead of the gotten. 

He knew that it was going to take some time for them to be able to remove his twin brother from that place. It wasn't going to be easy and it wasn't going to be simple. He knew that it could take weeks for them to be able to remove him. 

To leave Saeran was to break his heart. The only thing that he could offer him that last day was the sunrise. He wanted to be able to wash it with him but if his twin knew that he was leaving, he would have tried to come along. He couldn't let that happen. He could have never told him no and that's why he left the way he did.

Seven disguised himself the day of the event. If there was one thing he learned in the agency, it was how to dress himself up and look so unlike himself that he could wander around without fearing people recognizing him. He did have a few favorite disguises that he liked to wear. Even though the agency had forced him to do this because he was young and young people were easy to blend in with the crowd, he had been able to learn that he actually really liked dressing up. He never would have known that before this.

There was just something very validating about being able to dress up. It made him feel good about himself which didn't happen very often. The fact that he had this skill was definitely a comfort because if he was going to break all of the rules, he wanted to make sure that he was going to be safe. Anything that would stop him from putting his brother in danger was going to be for the best.

The gallery show was being held at the same place that he met V. He knew exactly where it was and he knew how to get there. For him to be able to confront it, he decided that the best way for him to handle it was to drive halfway there, and then walk the rest of the distance and get a taxi if he needed it. He was already covering his appearance but he wasn't going to take any chances with someone tracking him. He could never leave any loose ends for himself. 

It took a little bit longer to get there, but he was able to get there in just the nick of time.

Seven allowed himself to catch his breath as he stood in the doorway and looked around the room. There was definitely a crowd that'd come to see the show, so it was hard to tell as to where everyone would be. He drew in this short breath and looked around again, trying to spot his brother in the sea of people. He felt dejected when he didn't see him, but he saw V after some scanning and found himself pausing to see what he would do. 

"Thank you all for coming today, I hope that you are able to enjoy the collections of work that has been displayed today. What I have been working on myself pales in comparison to my assistant, they prefer to remain out of sight for their privacy, of course, but they want you to enjoy their collection with an open mind. Every artist puts their heart and soul into what they capture, and the reflection on the canvas is just the feeling that you can define for yourself. Whatever you see is what is in front of you. The same feeling that the artist feels when they decide to convey their emotions." 

The crowd gave their gentle affirmation in response and cheered for his words. Though, Seven met his eyes and the man smiled back at him. It took away some of the anxiety that he was feeling. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to take the risk? 

As the crowds dispersed and began to look around, Seven decided he would do the same thing. After all, nobody would know him underneath this long wig and costume, and since he hadn't seen Saeran, he wanted to see his photos. He managed to find where they were located in the gallery after passing what he knew to be V's unmistakable photos of the sky. He always felt really good whenever he saw those photos of the Galaxy, but he wasn't looking for that today.

The photos shifted from the stars to something else entirely, something he didn't expect to see. The first photo he saw was of the sky… unlike the stars in V's hands, this was the clouds. It was the bluest sky he had ever seen. The clouds were arranged in a pattern that looked like fruits to him, like a strawberry. Saeran had always loved the blue sky… this had to be one of his photos. 

If he stepped some more forward, he would find a photo of all kinds of scenery. There were sprawling fields of flowers, beaches filled with shells, lakes and the lily pads that bathed them, even expansive gardens that looked ripe with love and care. It was overwhelming to see all of these photos because they were places that his brother had always wanted to see. It overwhelmed him to see it. Each one of those photographs was labeled with Assistant. It was all by Saeran's hand. 

His twin had been able to capture everything that he saw. It was like standing next to his brother as he was able to experience these things for the first time. He missed out on seeing his brother's face for the first time when he got to witness all of this, but seeing all of these photos gave him a chance to have that experience firsthand. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

When he came to the end of the hall, he found the last photo.

It was a photo of a single red flower. He leaned over to look at the caption to see what it was called, this one was named Gladiolus. He didn't know that word. Was it the flower? Did it stand for something? It was such an intense looking flower. It made him question the feeling that he was experiencing. 

"Gladiolus, named for the Latin gladius, meaning sword. In Rome, they stood for the gladiators that fought valiantly with their brothers in arms. They symbolize strength and integrity. In some cases, they can also mean remembering a Fallen Friend, or thinking of someone who meant everything to you," a humble voice spoke from the side as Seven stood there in front of the photograph. 

"Interesting," Seven said, as he turned his head to meet V's gaze. Couldn't alright say what he was thinking. "Does that mean that this…" 

V smiled. "Gladiolus grows often in my growing garden these days. My assistant cherishes them dearly because they’re a reminder of someone who he hasn't forgotten since the day he had to move on without them. There are plenty of portraits of flowers here, some of their meanings are listed underneath the photographs. Feel free to look at them all. I'd say this one is the most striking, though." 

This flower was dedicated to his older brother… It was a photograph meant to truly symbolize Saeyoung. Saeran hadn't forgotten about him. It had been his biggest fear that his brother would move on and forget about him. Even though he tried to live without thinking about his brother in the life he was living now, he selfishly wished that his brother would still think of him fondly, if not kindly, but at most fondly. 

Despite everything, his brother still thought of him after all these years. 

V silently stepped to the side and Seven looked beyond him to see what he had been blocking. Across from him and on the other side of the room stood his twin brother, his hair now dyed a minty shade, and green contacts obscured his golden eyes, but there was no mistake. His brother was smiling and laughing alongside those closest to V, those that were in the RFA that V had told him all about. 

Jumin Han and Jaehee Kang were conversing with Saeran, while Zen and Yoosung Kim had their hands on his shoulders, being the ones in the room who made him laugh. That was the thing he could see from his vantage point as the crowds were moving in and out of the way. But, there was no doubt about what he saw. 

It looked like a family. 

Seven felt his eyes welling up with thick tears for the first time in a very long time. He knew he was crying but he couldn't stop it. Saeran looked happy and free and it was all thanks to his Dad, V. He was speechless at that moment and he didn't know what to say. He rubbed furiously at his eyes but it did nothing to quell the tears.

This was all he ever wanted for his twin brother. 

"I bought this painting for you," V broke his train of thought by saying something. "This is yours, after all. I know that you can't have any more than this, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a piece of him with you. It's very common for the people that you know to collect, isn't it? Who's to say that you weren't interested in collecting? Think of it as my gift."

Seven wanted nothing more than to hug V at that moment. He couldn't make a scene or be recognizable in any way, but he felt like the man understood what he was trying to say and convey. "Thank you, V… thank you. I don't know what to say." 

Their time had run out as an alarm began to react on Seven's phone. V pressed his hand to his shoulder and nodded at him,  "Even if the rest of the world tries hard to keep my sons separated, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that they can have a piece of each other to hold onto no matter where they are in the world."

"Your assistant has a very bright future, foster his skills," he smiled back at him despite the pain. He watched as V headed back to the little group with their family. Saeran hugged V and said something that Seven couldn't hear, but the happiness on his face was telling enough. Laughter and all sorts of things spread between them. The group began to talk amongst themselves and by the time that V turned around to see where Seven was, the lonely hacker was gone again. 

Just as quickly as he had appeared. 

As was the photo of Gladiolus.

[hajimes-erect-ahoge]

lovely. - Chapter one

Forget-Me-Nots. A symbol of true love and fidelity. Its blue petals are soft to touch, yet sting and scratch as they claw their way out of one's throat.

Falling in love during a killing game was less than ideal, but there was little to be done about it. All that Ouma could do was hack up delicate little flower petals and shove them under his bed, and inevitably elsewhere when they became too numerous, knowing that no one cared enough about him to visit him and spot the damning evidence.

After all, all is fair in love and war.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hanahaki disease is a fictional disease where, as a result of unrequited love, flowers grow in the victim's lungs. This makes it difficult to breathe, the victim coughing up flower petals until their inevitable demise. Of course, there is an alternative to this: There is a surgery in which the flowers are removed, as well as the feelings of love that the victim felt. If the unrequited love turns out to be requited the flowers will also cease growing, although this is rare.

ao3

Kokichi Ouma was many things: bright, intelligent, and mischievous. He had grown up without any substantial parental figures in his life, living on the streets with his group of pranksters that served as his found family. Dubbing himself the leader of this group of children, he proudly led them wherever the wind took them as they committed petty crimes, never doing anything that could actually be harmful to another human being. They may have been pranksters, but they weren’t animals.

And neither was Ouma. Murder was strictly forbidden amongst his group, as Ouma had decreed himself. Kokichi Ouma was a petty theft and vandalizer, not a murderer, nor would he ever be one.

So when Ouma found himself standing in front of a monochromatic bear telling him and fifteen other strangers to kill each other he was, to say the least, disturbed.

Ouma was also an incredibly selfless person. When they were out on the streets, Ouma did anything he could to bear the brunt of their adversity, even if it meant putting his life at stake. Even if he barely knew these people and had no attachment to them whatsoever, his strong disdain for killing compelled him to sacrifice himself for the sake of the group.

Now, sacrificing himself does not explicitly mean giving his life. Not yet, at least. Not when there were far too many other things he had to sacrifice first: his own safety and physical well-being, his happiness, and, above all, his sanity.

But, of course, he couldn’t tell anyone about his plans to do so. His innate distrust of others getting the better of him, he remained silent, waiting until he could be alone and develop his plan further.

For now, he accompanied the others in the underground tunnel they had found, seeking an escape route. He knew it was pointless from the start; There’s no way their captors would leave any means of escape for them, let alone one handed to them on a silver platter. But he tried anyway, if only to prove to the others that it was useless when they failed to believe him.

Akamatsu had quickly emerged as the leader of the group, encouraging all of them to step into the dark and mysterious tunnel presented before them. When they failed, she would give an inspirational speech that filled them with enough optimism to try again. This occurred again and again, the fact that this escape route was a dead end becoming more and more apparent.

Everyone was both physically and mentally tired, especially Ouma. Yet Akamatsu kept insisting that they try again, much to the dismay of the others. She must’ve been desperate to escape this place, and Ouma couldn’t blame her. However, her overly optimistic attitude of trying to hold hands and be friends with everyone was destined to fail, as would her plans of attempting to halt the killing game.

Ouma was a realist; He knew that the killing game would take place regardless, and he would have to incorporate that into his plan. If they didn’t cooperate and kill each other, their captors would find a way to coerce them into doing so. His only option was to try and stay alive long enough to flip the script on whoever was running this damned game, even if that meant committing some atrocious acts along the way.

Solidifying the implications of this in his mind, he turned back to Akamatsu. She was about to give another spiel about teamwork and cooperation and how they should try to escape through the tunnel again when Ouma cut her off, telling her to knock it off already.

Akamatsu seemed taken aback, completely unaware of what she was putting the others through. He had to admit, her blind optimism and compelling leadership wasn’t boring, at least. But he could only sit back and take this brutal torture for so long, being forced to cater to her desperate hopefulness.

When he explained that to her she recoiled, prompting him to continue, stating that he wasn’t the only one who felt that way. While the others corroborated his statement, Akamatsu appeared to be on the verge of tears. He couldn’t show any compassion for her, as he quickly slipped into the role of the villain and vaguely suggested that they just go through with the killing game instead.

The horrified reactions of the others were abruptly cut off by the nighttime announcement, the Monokubz bantering with one another in an obnoxious manner. After the announcement, Ouma himself proposed meeting in the dining hall the next morning to discuss their current situation, to which the others agreed. While the rest of the group complained about having to sleep in the rooms given to them, Ouma chuckled internally. He knew he would be sleeping very little, if at all, as he was too focused on his plan to overthrow the killing game.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ouma paced in his room, trying not to freak out too much as the reality of being trapped in a killing game settled in his mind. He was being proactive about it, already forming a plan to ruin this horrid game, so at least he had that to comfort himself.

While the others had yet to acknowledge it, there was a great possibility that there was a spy amongst them, reporting back to Monokuma and aiding in the facilitation of the killing game. Because of this, Ouma had even more of a reason to trust no one, as anyone could be a potential traitor.

Blaming Akamatsu was the first step in a very intricate plan. This would create a divide in the group, caused solely by him. Being the source of that divide, he would emerge as an opposing force to Akamatsu, their leader. His plan was, essentially, to gradually solidify himself in the role of the villain, thwarting the plans of the others to work together while secretly forming his own plan to save everyone.

Acting as the villain served two main purposes: One, to isolate himself from the others and ensure that they would not be aware of his plan (including the mastermind), and two, to have the group unite against a common enemy, strengthening their bonds. All of Ouma’s actions would culminate in him revealing himself as the dreaded mastermind that hid amongst the group, allowing him to fill the others with enough despair to bring the killing game to a hard stop.

An additional factor aiding in his plan to pose as the villain was his facetious personality and astounding ability to lie. He would present himself to the group as a trickster, lying left and right in an attempt to throw them off from what he was truly scheming, with the added bonus of hiding his true feelings behind a fake smile. No one would need to know how much he was suffering or how much he truly hated killing, instead believing his grand lie that he loved killing and found this killing game entertaining. In the end, his true feelings were irrelevant as long as he could save as many of the others as possible.

Now that he had the general scheme of his plan figured out, he would have to get into the specifics of how exactly to make the group believe he was evil enough to be the mastermind. If they didn’t think he was evil, they would never believe his declaration that he was the mastermind, so he would have to commit as many horrible acts as possible in order to get his plan to work.

Deciding that his plan was getting rather complicated, he figured it would help to have some sort of place to keep track of things. It was the middle of the night by now, so he travelled to the warehouse of the academy to obtain some supplies in secret.

A few trips back and forth to the warehouse allowed Ouma to collect a whiteboard, dry erase markers, a handful of notebooks, pencils, pens, regular markers, and many other supplies. He also took the time to obtain printed out pictures of each of the other students, using magnets to attach them to the whiteboard. There, he would keep track of who killed who as well as his thoughts about the other students, though he left it blank for now aside from the pictures.

Deciding that it was too risky to detail his plan on paper, he settled for doodling dozens of childlike drawings to serve as distractions for when he started putting things down on paper for real. Eventually he got tired and fell asleep on the floor, refusing to sleep in a bed that was given to him by the same people that kidnapped and trapped him here.

~~~~~~~~~~

When the group met in the dining hall the next morning, Ouma was sure to bring up the fact that Akamatsu had gotten upset at them for giving up yesterday, blatantly ignoring how he was the first one to blame her. A few of the others rallied against him, pointing out exactly that, but Ouma just responded with theatrical crocodile tears, satisfied that his plan to unite the others against him was beginning to surface.

Appearing out of thin air, Monokuma came to announce the first motive: The First Blood Perk. This had the other students realizing that Monokuma was trying to tank Akamatsu’s plan to stop the murders, just as Ouma had expected. Regardless of that realization, a murder was bound to happen anyway; All that Ouma could do was distance himself from the others until he could execute his plan in full.

As Monokuma continued to spew his typical bullshit, the Monobukz also appeared, just as suddenly as Monokuma had. One thing led to another and the situation escalated, causing the Exisals to be taken out. Monokuma was promptly crushed by an Exisal, Ouma taking the opportunity to state that the killing game was obviously over now, but of course he knew that was false. If what the Monokubz said was true and there really was a machine that could create more Monokumas, that would only confirm Ouma’s suspicions that there was a traitor among them as someone would have to activate that machine. Now completely confident in his plan to thwart the killing game, Ouma exited the dining hall with the others, heading back to his room to ruminate on his plan.

~~~~~~~~~~

Monokuma reappeared the next morning in the dining hall, just as Ouma had expected. But what he announced to them next was something that not even Ouma could predict: the time limit motive. If no murders occurred within two days' time, Monokuma would supposedly eliminate all of the students forced to participate in the killing game. As panic surged through the group Ouma excused himself, paying no mind to the suspicious looks he garnered. In fact, he preferred those suspicious looks as opposed to any other, as they paved him the perfect path for his eventual mastermind reveal.

Being as intelligent and observant as he is, Ouma didn’t miss the specific word choice used by Monokuma when announcing the motive. Saying that he would eliminate all the students forced to participate in this killing game implied that there was someone amongst them who wasn’t forced to participate but rather had willingly joined, hence their role as the mastermind. This cemented the fact that there was a traitor in Ouma’s mind, causing him to be even less distrustful of the group.

Arriving at his room, Ouma wasted no time in locking the door behind him and heading to his whiteboard. He spent ample time staring at each picture and debating whether or not said individual had a possibility of being the mastermind, eventually landing on Akamatsu’s picture. There was a very low probability of her being the mastermind, though it was still a possibility, he supposed.

Ouma wasn’t quite sure how he felt about Akamatsu. Her blind faith in others and trust in them to work together was pretty annoying, but it was admirable as well. He wondered how far she would be willing to go in order to protect the others…

There was also that boring detective who was practically glued to Akamatsu’s side, clinging to her for support. The boy’s ultimate talent had caught his interest at first, but Saihara had turned out to be quite boring in reality. He could barely get two words out while looking someone in the eye, relying on that stupid hat of his to block his vision. The chances of him being the mastermind were low as well, Saihara being way too awkward and dependent on others for something like that.

The next few hours were spent by Ouma in his room, drafting out some inventions on pieces of scrap paper that he could potentially bring to Iruma. If she accepted his requests, he could have a remote controlling the Exisals that would help to back up his later statement that he was the mastermind, as well as some other helpful tools. He spent a good amount of time thinking of potential inventions, as well as fake ones to throw off anyone who happened to get inside his room.

Once he was done with that, he set about exploring the academy and searching for more clues. This was by no means a simple endeavor, as the campus was quite large. But over the course of the next two days until the time limit expired, he found some interesting things around the academy. The most notable of these being what seemed to be the code to a safe, the location of which was unknown to him at the time. Although he didn’t know what the codes were for, he had a feeling that they were a vital clue to the secret of this academy.

He searched all over, spending all of his free time investigating every nook and cranny of the academy. But it was no use; He was unable to find a place to input the codes he had found. Unsure of what to do with the mysterious codes for now, he placed them in the back of his mind, promising to himself to come back to them later.

The day that the time limit was supposed to expire started out particularly not boring, as there had been a scuffle in the dining hall. Hoshi was going on and on about sacrificing himself so that his killer could claim the First Blood Perk and go get help for the others, much to the horror of his classmates. Ouma remained unperturbed, however, heading out to the courtyard when things got particularly heated. If Hoshi had a plan to help everyone survive, who was Ouma to try and stop him? With the time limit just around the corner, he had other matters to busy himself with, such as trying to find a quicker plan to put an end to this killing game.

~~~~~~~~~~

For someone who bragged about how fun this killing game was, Ouma was truly bored out of his mind. Spending all of his free time alone investigating and spending his time with the others lying through his teeth about how he felt… None of it was the slightest bit entertaining. It was sick, twisted and cruel, just like this killing game they were forcefully thrust into.

When Ouma heard the body discovery announcement he was, unsurprisingly, in his room sifting through all of the blueprints he had drawn up. According to the announcement, the body was in the library, so Ouma put down whatever he was doing and headed there as quickly as possible. A nervous rush washed over him at the thought of someone actually being dead, but he couldn’t help but admit that he was curious as to who had bit the bullet.

Rushing into the library along with the others, Ouma saw nothing at first except for a group of the other students gathered in the back. He approached and saw Amami’s body, causing his blood to run cold. There was a copious amount of blood pooling around his head, his body lying limp on the ground. Ouma was no stranger to violence, his past having exposed him to enough of that, but he still experienced immense distaste at the thought of one of his classmates being dead. But despite his internal disgust, he plastered a bright smile onto his face, acting as if he were having the time of his life in this high-stakes killing game.

Soon enough, Monokuma appeared and handed out what he called “Monokuma Files” to aid their investigation, leaving as quickly as he showed up. Ouma quickly read it over, heading back into the main area of the school. Akamatsu was saying something about how everyone had to investigate with at least one other person, but Ouma ignored this. They couldn’t force him to stick with someone else, so he felt free to investigate as he pleased.

Hearing footsteps approaching, Ouma turned around to see Akamatsu heading in his direction with Saihara trailing behind. He gave them a cheeky smile, the mask he wore around the others prevailing as usual.

Akamatsu berated him for investigating without a partner, blatantly disobeying what the group had agreed on. Ouma laughed at this, acting as if he were having the time of his life being reprimanded by her. Next, Saihara came forward and asked Ouma what he was doing at the time of the murder. This caught his attention, as Saihara, as far as he knew, was never one to take the initiative when talking to others. Being with Akamatsu must have empowered him, giving him a temporary sense of confidence as he looked Ouma straight in the eye. Maybe Saihara wasn’t as boring as he thought.

After he refused to answer any of their questions truthfully, the duo gave up and went in search of more clues. Ouma watched them scurry away, feeling a bit jealous of their closeness before shoving these thoughts out of his mind. A killing game was no place for friendships or romance, he thought. Ignoring the crippling loneliness he felt, he headed off to investigate on his own.

~~~~~~~~~~

The class trial came quicker than expected, and Ouma could feel his heart pounding in his chest as they rode the elevator down to the trial grounds. With just one small mistake the lives of everyone still standing would be endangered, a frightening thought. They would have to be absolutely flawless in their deductions if they wanted to survive, though the murderer themself would still be executed. It was a lose-lose situation; Either way, this trial would end with less people than it started with.

When they arrived at the trial grounds, Monokuma directed them all to their assigned podiums. The attention was immediately drawn to Ouma as a result of his “suspicious talent” as well as his penchant for lying, but it was quickly brushed off. Suspicion bounced around from one student to another, Akamatsu defending each and every one of them in the pursuit for the truth. The revelation of the fact that the cameras had thirty second intervals before they could take another picture immediately directed the suspicion towards Saihara, who did little to defend himself. Fortunately for him, Akamatsu stepped in once more to defend him more fervently than she had defended the others, even lying on his behalf.

Ouma himself was pretty convinced that Saihara was the culprit and that Akamatsu was just in denial, lying to protect his innocence out of disbelief that he was the culprit. But when the shy and timid Saihara brazenly stated that Akamatsu was the culprit even Ouma was in disbelief. It was like a new side of the detective had come out, and although it had pained him to say it, he sounded more confident than ever when he said those words.

As the trial went on, Saihara proved without fault that Akamatsu was the culprit, along with many tears from the both of them. When voting time was upon them, Ouma reluctantly voted for Akamatsu. Not only were they losing another student, but they were losing their ever so optimistic leader who fiercely united them against Monokuma. She had entrusted her wish to Saihara, but would he be able to replace the void that she left?

Akamatsu’s attempts to kill the mastermind were noteworthy enough that Ouma deemed her as being “not boring” before she was executed, a high compliment coming from him. But although she was determined to expose the mastermind, the decision to kill that crossed her mind had essentially made her lose the game and play exactly into Monokuma’s hands. Ouma would be different; Instead, he would win this killing game and defy Monokuma’s wishes outright.

As Akamatsu discussed her motive for killing, Ouma openly chastised himself for being useless, to which Saihara immediately pointed out that he was simply pretending and to drop the act. Something about the detective’s mannerisms had changed, leaving him a new person, and Ouma was, to say the least, very fond of that change. He was intelligent, quickly catching on to Ouma’s lying charade and exposing his act in front of the others, and did so without remorse.

Although it may seem counterintuitive to his habit of lying, Ouma was secretly wishing that someone would come along that was able to see through his lies and realize his true nature. This, of course, would put a serious dent in his plans to overthrow the killing game, so Ouma reminded himself not to get too close to the boy. While he could admire him from afar, pursuing any sort of relationship was absolutely out of the question. Not that he was interested in someone like Ouma anyway, as he obviously was enraptured by Akamatsu.

Speaking of Akamatsu, she was about to be executed, which was sure to be another unnecessarily gruesome sight. Ouma’s final words to Akamatsu were that she hadn’t been boring, which he truly meant. After everyone gave their final words to Akamatsu she entrusted her wish to all of them, a wish that even Ouma took to heart, regardless of how he acted on the outside.

The execution itself was only a few minutes long, but they were the most excruciating minutes of Ouma’s life. Being forced to watch Akamatsu meet her demise in such a gory way was difficult, but he managed to get through it with minimal cracks in his facade.

Ouma stood there silently along with the remaining classmates, still in utter disbelief of what they had just witnessed. But regardless of how in shock they were, there was no ignoring the fact that Akamatsu was dead and they had to move on. Suppressing the swirl of unpleasant emotions he felt, Ouma smiled cheerfully as if nothing was wrong. He acted as a bystander as Momota punched Saihara for not dealing with Akamatsu’s death like a man, simply allowing the others to grieve as they needed to in their own, strange ways.

As for how Ouma would grieve, the answer was simple: he wouldn’t. He had no time to grieve as he busied himself with his mastermind plan, at least, not in front of the others. Shedding a few tears while he was by himself in his room wasn’t completely off the table, but Ouma had other, much more important things to do in the meantime.

Once he was sure that no one else was around, Ouma snuck off into the courtyard with a marker in hand. He quickly scribbled the code “horse a” on a stone in the courtyard in a perfectly diagonal formation, leaving space for the other letters he so intricately planned on adding later. After that, he headed to the boiler room and found a spot obscured by some plants, scribbling the code “twins b” on the wall. He then hurried back to his room, having successfully carried out this part of his plan.

Now back in his room, Ouma jotted down the words “This is not a will” on the back of an envelope, putting the important information regarding the codes in the envelope. He left it somewhere where it was sure to be found if someone investigated his room, not wanting his efforts to go without results. The probability that he would live was low, so it was essential to leave these clues for the others to aid them in their quest to defeat the mastermind.

Collapsing onto the bed, Ouma shut his eyes, but only for a few seconds. He couldn’t allow himself to sleep, as he had much more important things to be doing regarding his plan, but a few moments of rest did feel a bit relaxing.

So much had happened in one day, and Ouma was having a hard time processing all of it. Amami and Akamatsu were dead, and there was no bringing them back, no matter what. They had lost the mysterious boy who couldn’t even remember his own talent and seemed to know more than he let on, as well as the girl who united everyone against a common threat. Now that she was gone, Saihara would have to fill her shoes, however hard that may be for him.

After giving himself a moment of silence to mourn Amami and Akamatsu properly, Ouma got back to work, finalizing his invention designs. The night would be long, boring and lonely, but when was it not? He couldn’t afford to get close to any of the other students here, as that would only intensify the pain he felt upon losing them. But most importantly, he didn’t want them suffering if he inevitably lost his life to this game, pushing them away as much as possible so that they would shed no tears upon his demise. For now, his demise was only a possibility, but his plan could change at any moment depending on what information he was given.

Repressing all of his current thoughts, Ouma prepared himself to get back to work on his plan. He had no time to waste, so he busied himself once more, ignoring the faint itch at the back of his throat that persisted in bothering him. Paying no mind to it, he set about making another few dozen fake invention blueprints, completely ignorant to what the universe had in store for him.

[fallenrazziel]

Levi Chronicles ~ Chapter 284 (EruRi)

Levi seems frozen and I immediately look for a place where we warm up. I think I remember the existence of a cafe in the area. The snow begins to fall as I drive us to the first settlement - it's the only one I remembered ; it's very cozy, the lights are warm, so much so that we must soon remove our coats.

We head to an isolated table and order two grogs to the waitress. Nothing better to warm up ! I want Levi to keep morale to the end. This battle made him happy, I think. Me too. He seems more relaxed and willing to talk. I don't know what to start the conversation, and I don't see us staring at each other for several minutes without saying anything. It's not that it makes me feel uncomfortable, but it seems like a lost time.

Our grogs finally arrive and we can warm our hands reddened in contact with the ceramic. We make the drink last by sipping it - it's hot - and I cannot help but stay on Levi's hands, surrounding his cup. I feel that his skin is a little cracked by the cold...

I ask him why he does not buy gloves. He tells me casually that it's good for "nobs", and he doesn't need it. I remind him I'm wearing gloves too, yet I'm not an aristocrat. Here, he seems embarrassed and looks away, muttering that he knows it, even if at first he thought I was one. I understand his point of view. Now that I think about it, I probably could have done otherwise to integrate him into the survey corps. But he seemed... he was so uncooperative that I had to use this somewhat questionable method...

I don't dare to ask him if he still mad at me... Then he tells me himself that he was wrong about me. That even if sometimes I look like a nob to the point of crushing everyone, basically I am only a... "yokel" like him... Well, I guess it's a compliment from him !

The silence settles for a moment, barely disturbed by the cozy atmosphere of the cafe. I feel good in those moments, when I can stay like that without feeling emptiness or lack, when everything seems so perfect that we cannot imagine what is happening on the other side of the Wall. Since the beginning of this evening, I feel invigorated by a lot of things, very simple and ordinary things, and it's very pleasant. If Levi feels the same, then it's perfect. I would not break or disenchant anything, but I think it's the right time to ask him the question...

You really hated me, Levi ? I know I deserved it without a doubt, but it saddened me, because I felt this hatred piercing me as surely as a knife... I wish it were otherwise, but the damage is done. Levi looks up from his cup and looks at me calmly, with almost soft eyes, quite the opposite of his speech. He replies that I did what I had to go to the end of my idea, and that's something he admires in me. Oh yes, really ?... You ask me not to regret ? But... your two friends, Isabel and Furlan, they died because of that... They were two very good soldiers...

Levi puts down his cup and his eyes swirl with surprise. He whispers "you remember their names..." in a slow, sad breath. Of course I remember their names. And not just theirs... It's the least I can do for the missing... Levi recompose himself and says that Isabel and Furlan would be glad he stayed in the survey corps. After all, to make sense of their death, it was the best thing to do. I smile sadly ; this smile doesn't come easily to me... It's for them that you finally stayed. I've asked myself so often... I thought there was... another reason...

Levi begins to tell me that there are other reasons, yes... but don't go further and drink his grog to cut the conversation. I wish he had finished yet ... It looked... interesting... I lift my cup in the air, proclaiming a toast for the missing, for those who cannot drink and those who are still crying. Levi follows the movement and we finish our drink solemnly.

At the moment of going out, a shooting star passes in the firmament above our heads. Other passers-by have also noticed and everyone seems to stop. Levi is about to ask me what is a shooting star - he thinks I always have an answer to everything - but I tell him that it would be too complicated to explain, and that this is an opportunity to make a wish. We all remain silent, our eyes raised to the sky, formulating in thought something that we wish to see happen. This star takes me by surprise ; I didn't really think at the right time of what I really wanted to see happen. I have a lot of ideas, but none prevails over the other. And then, I'm not very focused on these superstitions after all... But there's something that I want after all, after all the rest. No chance that this will happen, but it doesn't cost anything to hope.

I wished this night never ends. May the feeling of well-being that's mine at this moment continue. I've never wished anything for myself so far. This is the first time... and I've the dark presentiment that none of this will last, that a dreadful danger awaits us. When my eyes roll on the top of the Wall Maria, I start shivering for no reason... It's Levi who brings me back to reality. He asks me what wish I made. Hmm, if I tell you, it will not happen. And... I know it will not happen, tomorrow the sun will rise and we'll restart our life as a soldier, as before. He tells me that he'll not tell me the one he did. Hey, wait, did you really make one ?

Levi overtakes me and I let him lead us to the south, towards the imposing mass of Maria. She impressed me so much the first time I saw her... The goddess profile's barely outlined on the shadow of the front door and suddenly I feel oppressed. Levi must feel the same because he turns around, grumbling that it reminds him of job, and that it's unpleasant... I understand, run away from here.

I feel him saddened and I don't want that he lose his good mood. So I venture to put an arm on his shoulders, expecting at all times that he rejects me bluntly. But he doesn't react, and lets me give him a hug on a long way. Rubbernecks look curiously at us, but I don't care. None of them are in our place, none of them feel things like we're feeling them now. They might just as well not be there.

Levi finally gently disengage himself and walks backwards, looking at me. He asks me why I didn't answer Mike's question the other day. I pretend I don't understand, just to give myself time... Because I think he'll not be satisfied with a loophole this time. Abandon everything, lead another life ? It never crossed my mind. I can do nothing but fight, and bringing victory to humanity is my only goal. Do these words sound hollow ? They seem to me however that it's the life that I chose...

Levi starts mocking nicely, pretending that I'm far too smart not to know what else to do. He tells me that I'm lucky to have been to school. Hmm, it's true but it's not necessarily my best memories. I explain that I was the teacher's son and as such, and in keeping with a long-standing tradition in humans, I was rejected by almost everyone. Mike was my only friend. I was trying to defend myself by talking to them, but it didn't really work.

Words can hurt, Levi. They can even kill... So yes, you see... That's why I confide so little. I don't want to hurt anybody anymore... even if the dead... are inevitable... You don't need to know more, just to understand...

And as I suspected, he understands perfectly, without asking me for details.

Levi tells me that the hecklers only understand blows, and that there's no better way to train someone. I realize how different his life was from mine, and I cannot help but want to know more. I don't want to seem indiscreet, of course, but if he refuses to answer me I'll not be offended. I ask him to talk to me about his parents.

He lowers his head and I know that I touched a sore point. He has only vague hints so far. He tries to hide, and to make me believe that his life isn't so important, too boring... but I insist, just a little. He reveals to me that his mother died when he was very young, at an age when memories are just beginning to form. What's she dead ? Levi looks at me in a way that I never liked, and tells me that his mother was a... "whore". And with this information in mind, I should be able to guess what must have happened.

I feel a bit ashamed to have started on this subject. So I tell him I'm sorry for him. Such hardness, even in my words... I didn't expect such a tragedy... He was lucky to pull through. I mean ... it could have been a lot worse under the circumstances ... I know that human traffic was flourishing in the underground at that time... It could have happened a lot of horrible things to Levi...

But he sweeps my solicitude with a wave of the hand, making sure that he has done better than many others. And then there was the famous "Kenny", his father to what he said. Well, he never said it clearly. Apparently, he has found someone to protect him for long enough. If this man is still alive, I should thank him for that.

After all his little cascading revelations, I realize that Levi is as lonely as me. When I tell him, he stands next to me and offers me his eyes so soft, so unusual. Something passes between us, which does us good even if some bitterness is still hidden under this pleasant sensation.

As we go back to the center of Shiganshina, amid the cries of children sledding, I notice that Levi has started to blow on his fingers. He rubs them without success, so I make the decision to intervene. I take his hands in mine and blows on, keeping them warm. He remains motionless, probably as surprised as I am at my initiative, but he lets me do it. I conclude that he would really need gloves because if his hands are damaged, he'll be worse in fight. After all, his hands could save humanity one day. Levi gets caught up in this argument, but retorts that he prefers to let me breathe on them all winter, because it doesn't cost him anything. Hey ! I'll not spend my days doing this ! Come here, I think I saw a shop not far !

He snorts a bit but we end up in front of the store of a luxury items- there's very little in Shiganshina. Levi's eyes widen at the price of the gloves that seem to him probably astronomical. I propose to offer him gloves. He is indignant that I can spend so much money for so little but I insist. I force him to enter the shop. It's an order of your superior, Levi, no discussion.

The seller is pressing towards us and is quick to show us his products. Levi looks good until the man has measured his hands. He announces, contrite, that he has only few men's products for his size, but that he'll show him what would be appropriate. The pairs of gloves parade for a moment, but nothing finds favor for Levi's eyes. I am a little disappointed because I have a specific idea of the type of gloves that would suit him. The seller resolves to expand his field of research and then presents us the rare pearl : white gloves, kid's skin, of incomparable softness. Levi puts his finger on it and I guess he likes this contact. I advise him to try them to see if they're at his height. He puts them on without any difficulty and announces that he has the impression of wearing nothing at all, that they're like a second skin. I find them beautiful ; these gloves are made for him.

Worried, Levi asks the seller the price of these wonders. When he announces it to us, he whistles between his teeth in spite and is about to remove gloves to reset them in their place, but I stop him. Il accept the price. He wants to protest but I refuse to hear him. It's a gift I give you and we don't refuse gifts, it's rude. He's silent then, and lets me pay.

Once outside, Levi seems hypnotized by his hands wrapped in this white and soft skin. You see, it's not bad to wear gloves. I'm sure your hands are already warming up, I'm wrong ? He doesn't answer immediately, but after a minute he whispers "thank you, Erwin, they're very beautiful" in a quiet voice that doesn't look like him at all. This is the first time you get a present ? I guess that's the case. I feel even more satisfied.

We go up the street again to the big tree in the city center. Levi has regained his playful air and walks on a little wall nearby ; so, he's a little taller than me and that makes me a funny effect. We sit in front of Yule's tree, whose branches are dripping wax candles. I can hear people singing in the distance and couples, tenderly entwined, were sitting on the benches nearby, their eyes glittering with the glow of hope's flames of the inhabitants of Shiganshina.

As I slowly get closer to him, Levi breaks the silence and asks me if it is customary to offer gifts to Yule. I answer him no, but that's done for birthdays. Levi looks surprised and examine me intensely, pointing out that he doesn't even know his date of birth. As I suspected... Levi, did you detail your identity papers when I handed them to you ? You should do it.

He pulls them out of his inner pocket - he's used to never go out again - and examines them carefully. Then, this done, he observes me again and asks me why I chose this date of birth on December 25th. You gave few details to the officer who auditioned you that day at Trost. This was limited to "end of year, probably in winter". I had to be content with that for your papers. A full name isn't necessary to be in order but it needed a date of birth. So I opted for this one. It's a particular date. Levi asks me why.

Yule celebrates the longest night of the year, and the return of longer days. It symbolizes the victory of light over darkness. I thought that in your case ... it was ideal. You don't agree ? Levi casually replies that after that night, titans will have more light to chase us even longer. Oh, don't be defeatist, humans also need light.

Eyes in the air, Levi replies that I'm wrong, and that he's the living proof. All these years underground... it's over Levi, don't think about it anymore. You blame me for choosing this day for your birth ? He looks at me with a slight sway of his head and tells me no, that it has anchored him in the reality of the world ; that this date of birth has always missed him and that he only realized it now. I feel happy for him.

I finally decide to take him in my arms, while ensuring that it remains purely friendly. He doesn't push me away and lets himself go a little against me. I don't want him to perceive the emotion that shakes me at the thought of having him here by my side. I think I'm lucky. Maybe he thinks the same thing.

He wishes me a happy Yule. Happy Yule, Levi, and happy birthday.