#he rambles and trips over words and skips around them and rams them together and cuts them apart

[mithomite]

there’s a moment on the phone where we both pause. it hangs in the air somewhere between “i care so much about your happiness” and “sleep well”. a moment where it gets so quiet you can almost hear it.

i think i mouth the words. my face is wet; i’ve been crying for an hour because im sorry, im so sorry. “i forgive you”. the way he says it is thick like molasses and just as sweet.

and then it’s back to silence. “i need you go know that i.” he says finally. “i” is what he ends with. it’s another few seconds before he says the rest. “i care about you. so much.”

the way he says “care” is slow, muffled, almost with distain. i’m certain it’s true; i’m certain it’s a lie of omission. care. i care about my sweater not getting snagged on the door. he cares whether the gas station has his favorite frozen coffee drink. i think i am more than a sweater or a coffee.

he almost says it again. “i… have feelings for you” is what comes out. the real words strain at their comfinements like my heart in my ribs. we both know we can’t say it; not here, not now. there’s an order. there’s a plot progression.

the issue with two romantics together that we think you have to wait for the perfect time to say it. i think he would like if there were fireworks. i was hoping for on the beach, under the stars. i live landlocked. fireworks aren’t allowed near my building.

i think, though, we’ve said it before. i have. when he asks to ramble i say “always”. when he tells me that my eyes are his favorite color. when i use my whole work break to text him. when he asks me to hum as he’s falling asleep.

i dont know if he heard it. that moment, one of many, where we both said “i love you”.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction | Wish You Were Sober [Song]

A/N: Based on Conan Gray’s song  - Wish you were sober 

Seokjin: ~ This party’s shit, wish we could dip, go anywhere but here

It was supposed to be a small comeback party but it seemed as though Jimin had invited every single person they knew to the dorms and the placed was rammed full, some of them Jin didn't even know which made him uncomfortable. He found you in his room sitting on his bed with a book and laid in one of his shirts, thank god his room was the one with the lock.

"Too much for you too?" He questioned handing you a mug of hot chocolate and sitting down beside you on the bed and looking at the book you were reading from.

"I wish we could dip," He mumbled against your shoulder but he knew he couldn't he was the oldest and even though Namjoon was the leader Jin was still responsible for anything happening in the dorms.

"Maybe we can just put a movie on and watch it together, it's not every day we get to be alone like this." You laughed closing your book and shifting so you were laying with your head on his shoulder.

"What movie are you thinking?" You smirked looking over at the X-Men movie series you'd been dying to get him to watch and he groaned getting up and putting them into the DVD Player.

(X)

Three hours had passed and you were fast asleep on the bed next to Jin, he was quietly scrolling through his phone thankful that the party wasn't loud enough to wake you up but it was as if he'd thought to soon because as soon as he went to curl up and sleep beside you there was a smashing sound before the music cut out. You shifted in your sleep but remained still so Jin ventured out to find out what had been broken when he found the glass pannel that connected the living room and kitchen was shattered and on the floor while Jungkook and Jimin tried to shift into their rooms.

"Stop! Explain!" He ordered and they looked down at the glass that surrounded the floor,

"We were throwing a ball around and I guess I threw it too hard?" Jungkook suggested Jin stared at him.

"You guess?" Everyone else in the dorm began to slowly leave now the party had been brought to a stop and Jin ordered everyone to bed while he cleaned up the apartment.

(X)

"Hey, no. Go back to bed you," He ordered but you ignored him and continued sweeping up the broken glass.

"I can't sleep without you," You yawned putting the glass into a bin before sweeping up some more while Jin cleaned up bottles that had been left all over the place,

"At least they're all gone now," You said to him as you finished with the glass and walked over to him, he hummed annoyed that he was the one cleaning everything up but glad the boys were all asleep.

"Go back to bed, I'll be back in a minute." He kissed your cheek and you walked off back to his bedroom only to come back three seconds later,

"Jungkook took our bed." Jin groaned walking through to pick the maknae up and throw him over his shoulder and take him to his own bed.

Yoongi: ~ Ima crawl outta the window now, cause I don’t like anyone around

Yoongi didn't even know what he was doing there, he'd only agreed to go along to the house party because he knew it was something you wanted to do. But the second he got there he wanted to go home, you were dragged off by a bunch of girls all giggling about something while he was left alone to explore the giant house on his own. It was some giant frat party that he wasn't interested in and he never thought you would be either, he understood you were both in college and having fun was in your nature but this wasn't usually your kind of thing.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!" He heard a group of people chanting your name and he looked over to the kitchen to see you downing a bunch of shots after being handed them by some girls you barely knew. He had no idea why you were doing this but he didn't like it, he slowly made his way through the packed hall and stood in the kitchen watching you, he wanted to protect you in case someone decided they wanted to try something on with you. He was your best friend and he hated the thought of someone kissing you, or holding you in any way that he wasn't allowed. He'd been in love with you since you were kids but he was never going to admit that to you.

"Yoongi?!" You slurred stumbling over to him in the living room an hour later, he stared at you as you reached him. Your hands were stretched out for his help and he wrapped his arm around your waist helping to stand you up straight.

"There's an en-suite upstairs, take me." You showed him the key and he nodded helping you walk towards the staircase being careful not to trip you up or walk you into anyone else that was drunk there.

"You're wasted." He groaned when he got you into the bedroom, he locked the door behind you both not wanting someone else to come in and then he helped you into the bathroom.

"I think I drank too much." You giggled drunkenly and he hummed moving the hair from your face as you hunched over the toilet throwing everything except vital organs up.

(X)

"You feeling any better?" He asked when you came back into the bedroom holding your head,

"No, it feels like someone has been clawing at my throat," He groaned telling you that it was probably the stomach acid you'd been throwing up mixed with the alcohol that you'd been drinking.

"Hello!?" Someone was banging on the door and you cringed at the thought of someone else trying to come into the room, you were supposed to use the bathroom and lock up behind you but the muffled music sounded better than the actual music and all you wanted to do was leave.

"Too many people." You said to Yoongi as he went to leave out of the door, you pointed at the window which was a small drop-down to a flat rooftop.

"Out of the window?!" He asked putting the key down on the bed and rushing over to you to make sure you didn't fall and hurt yourself, once you were secure on the roof he followed.

"We should go and get something to eat, I'm starving." He smiled happy that you weren't slurring on your words anymore,

"Pizza?" He quizzed as you climbed down a drainpipe and dropped onto the floor below,

"Sounds good!"

(X)

"What were you drinking a lot for tonight?" He asked looking at you from across the table, you were sitting in a small pizza shop talking back and forth about that night and what you could and couldn't remember.

"I was erm, I guess just trying to fit in with the girls in my class?" He sighed at you and reached his hand out to touch yours, it could have been the alcohol in your system or just your feelings for Yoongi but your heart skipped a beat at the sudden action from him.

"You don't have to fit in, being you is good enough and if it's not for them then fuck them off. You're one of the best girls I've ever met in my life." You smiled down at the floor and he moved so he was sitting beside you,

"I mean it y/n...I wasn't ever going to do this but after tonight and seeing how you don't see how amazing you are...Fuck, okay I'm rambling. I've been in love with you since we were kids and I'm telling you now because I don't know if I'll ever do it again-" He was cut short when you grabbed his face and started kissing him suddenly. His eyes widened as he realised you were kissing him but he soon relaxed into the kiss and put his hands on the back of your head drawing you closer to him as you made out in the middle of the pizzeria.

Hoseok: ~ Kiss me in the seat of your rover, real sweet but I wish you were sober

So cliche to call your brothers best friend when you were wasted at a party and didn't know who else to call, but you trusted Hoseok with your life and you knew Namjoon would be in the studio all night. Plus, if Namjoon ever found out you went to a party like this and got wasted he would kick your ass for it before telling your parents about it.

"Hey! Sleepy! Get in!" You heard Hoseok yell from across the road, he was standing beside your range rover waiting for you to get up and unlock it. You'd brought your car not thinking you were going to drink but once you got there drinks were being handed to you and out of peer-pressure you caved into drinking.

"This is smart you know," He said taking your keys from you and getting into the driver's seat, you looked at him as you got into your seat and laid your head down.

"What is?" You slurred trying to focus on him but your eyes kept drifting onto other things thanks to the alcohol levels in your system that were starting to make it hard to see things clearly.

"Getting someone else to drive for you, though I don't see why you choose me." He let out a breathy chuckle but you just giggled at him,

"I know why I choose you." He cocked an eyebrow at you and smiled,

"Oh yeah? Why is it then?" You tapped your noise putting on your best British accent and said,

"Spoilers Sweetie," He chuckled at you as he turned around the corner to your house and you smiled back at him not wanting to be home so soon.

"Your brother will kill me if he ever finds out I did this," You nodded in agreement with him, Namjoon would have both of your heads on a stick.

"Then I guess you'll just not tell him." You laughed sitting up straight when you saw the living room light was still on meaning your parents were still awake.

"Stay here, sober up a little and then I'll walk you home and say you've been with me practising." You thanked him and began questioning him on how practice was going. You and Hoseok had always had a special connection, you got along with him really well compared to the others.

(X)

"So why did you choose me?" He questions an hour later as you were getting ready to get out of the car, you still weren't sober but you were stable enough to head inside without tripping over your own feet.

"Because I fancy you, which is stupid considering you're my brothers best friend." You leant over the middle of the car and stared him in the eyes,

"You're just cute," You bopped his nose before staring at his lips and leaning closer, he stayed still as he watched you until he felt your lips on his and his eyes fluttered shut.

"Shit, Y/n. No." He pulled away and you started tearing up at the thought of him pushing you away from him like that,

"Just forget this happened." You got out of the car and sprinted into the house before he could ask you to wait.

(X)

The next morning you walked into the kitchen to see Hoseok sitting at the breakfast bar drinking a mug of coffee while your dad was leaving for work.

"Hoseok? What are you doing-"

"We invited him to stay after he dropped off your car keys, fancy forgetting that you drove to the BigHit building." You dad laughed kissing you on the head and leaving without a goodbye, you awkwardly poured yourself a cup of coffee.

"About last night..." Hoseok watched you closely trying to see if you were going to regret kissing him,

"I erm..I'm sorry I kissed you and told you my feelings, I know it's weird cause you're Namjoon's friend and I'm just his dorky younger sister..."

"You're not just Namjoon's dorky younger sister, you're the girl I've had a crush on for a while but again...You're Namjoon's sister it would-"

"Be too weird?" You whispered looking at him with heartbreak in your eyes, but he shook his head.

"It'd be too weird if I didn't talk to him first and now I know that you want me to I will try." He promised you pulling you closer to him and smiling at you, he ran his hand over your cheeks.

"How's your hangover?" You shrugged your shoulders as he kissed your forehead lovingly.

"Not too bad," He smiled and kissed your forehead once more.

"Good, I'll go to the studio and talk to Namjoon about asking you on a date, if he says yes...Would you like to go out sometime?" You giggled at him and nodded watching him get up from the bar stool and leave the house.

Namjoon: ~ You kissed me at your door pulling me close, begging me to stay over

You and Namjoon hadn't been dating long when your best friend decided to throw a birthday party for herself and begged that you go along despite parties not being your thing. Namjoon had agreed to go with you even though they weren't his thing either and you had both planned to find a room in the house to go and sit alone together, just ride out the party to make your friend happy but that wasn't how it had happened. The moment you walked through the front door of her house she handed you a drink and demanded you drink it in front of her, then it was just one after the other until Namjoon lost count and you were swaying from side to side. Now you were standing in a bathroom holding your head,

"I want to go home Joonie," You whispered not wanting to be there any longer, it had been two hours of non-stop drinks and drinking games all ending in your having a drink but your best friend wasn't even drunk yet.

"I'll take you home, you don't have to do this if you don't want to." But he knew you were the type of friend that wouldn't say no to someone if you knew it would make them mad or upset, he brushed the hair from your face and walked out of the bathroom with you.

"Where are you going?! We just started!" Your friend yelled handing you another drink but Namjoon took it and put it down on the side explaining that you were too drunk and he was going to make sure you got home safe.

"Text me!" She called going back to the kitchen as you and Namjoon walked out of her house,

"Thanks, Joonie," You slurred and he bent down so you could get onto his back and he could piggyback you down the road to your apartment.

(X)

"You seem to have sobered up a bit." He laughed as you brought him down for another kiss in front of your front door, he'd stopped off at a small food place to get you something to eat and some water to sober you up and you were already feeling better,

"I am." You whispered kissing him once again and putting your hands into his long brown hair, you tugged on the strands a little and he let out a groan of pleasure which made you smirk.

"You should stay over Joonie," You teased running your finger down his chest and towards the waistband of his pants tugging at them a little. It wouldn't be the first time he stayed at yours or you stayed at his, you'd done it a lot since dating but it would be the first time staying when you were drunk.

"You're still intoxicated, it would be wrong." He told you as he took your wandering hands away from his waistband and put them back by your side.

"Well, will you just stay with me, sleep next to me? You know I sleep better with you here." He agreed and walked with you into your apartment and smiled as you went to make you both a hot drink to unwind with.

Jimin: ~ Tripped down the road, walking home

Jimin was just as drunk as you were so you had no idea why he was the one walking you home when Namjoon was the sober one of the bunch,

"Shit." You giggled as you fell over at your driveway, you scratched your knee on the pavement cutting open the new jeans you'd gotten and bleeding a little.

"You okay!?" Panic overtook Jimin's body and it was as if he hadn't touched a single drop that night, he was down on the floor next to you looking at your knee to see if you needed to go and see someone.

"Jimin it's just a cut," You hissed as he ran his hand over it and shook his head telling you that he needed to go into your apartment and help you out.

"Is this just another lame excuse to get me into bed?" You joked as he walked you into your kitchen and sat you on the kitchen counter. You and Jimin had always been flirting with one another back and forth and it was just a normal thing between you now, though you were only friends with the boys there was just something with Jimin that made it different.

"Shut up, you could have an infection." You watched as he walked around your kitchen looking for something,

"What are you looking for?" You questioned not offering to help in any way,

"First-aid kit?" You nodded at the top cupboard and he reached up for it and came back over to you sitting down on the barstool while he cleaned up your knee.

"There's no chance of affection-"

"Shut up," You hissed as he began adding rubbing alcohol onto your knee cleaning the blood up and then taking off bits of gravel from your knee.

"You could have hurt yourself, you need to be more careful." His voice was filled with concern and he was no longer the flirt Jimin that you loved to tease, he stood up between your legs and looked down at your face.

"I'm fine Jimin," You whispered but he cupped your face in his hands, rubbing his thumb along your cheek and then sighing as he stared down into your eyes shaking his head.

"You could have been hurt though, what if I'd let you go on your own? You could have fallen over worse than this." He grumbled frowning as he thought about you getting hurt, it hurt him to think about.

"Jimin, look at me I'm fine." He stared into your eyes searching them for any sign that you were lying to him but the thought alone of you being hurt was too much for him.

"I just never want anything to happen to you," You smiled running your hand over his cheek,

"Is this some weird way of flirting with me again?" You teased but he shook his head at you,

"This is some weird way of me telling you my feelings for you." You were stunned into silence and he groaned,

"I should have said anything-" He was cut short when you kissed him shutting him up and smiling when his hands held onto your waist.

Taehyung: ~ ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed, take me where the music aint too loud

The house was rammed full with people it was hard to move around to find you but Tae had to find you, you'd called him in a state of panic begging for him to come and get you and he couldn't stand the thought of his girlfriend somewhere she didn't want to be. But when he found you you were standing in the kitchen in your ripped black jeans and a white shirt downing drinks looking happy as can be,

"Tae!" You slurred dropping the cup full of liquid you were holding and wrapping your arms around his neck but he wasn't hugging you back he was just staring at your shoulder.

"You sounded scared," You nodded wiping your mouth on your sleeve and pointing over at a group of girls all staring at you,

"I was but they found me and gave me this drink, and let me tell you it makes my head hurt but I feel better." Taehyung began pulling you through the cramped hallways and towards the bathroom he'd seen on his way to you.

"You don't drink much, why did you just accept drinks from people you don't know and where's your best friend?" He grumbled pulling you into the bathroom and sitting you down on the edge of the bathtub. You looked up at him and drunkenly giggled,

"You're cute from this angle." He rolled his eyes at you and then ran the cold tap telling you to drink some water from it,

"The music isn't so loud in here, it's nice." You whispered loving being able to hear your own thoughts for a little while. Taehyung smiled softly at you and sat down next to you on the edge of the bathtub.

"Thank you for coming to get me," You told him as you turned off the tab and wiped your mouth on a towel,

"It's alright, I'll take you for takeout when we're done in here," You frowned pointing out that you had just drunk water when he started counting, a wave of nausea took over your body and you were on your knees in front of the toilet clutching onto the bowl for support while Taehyung stood behind you and rubbed your back soothingly.

"Let it all Jagi then we'll go get food." He chuckled as you groaned about never drinking again.

Jungkook: ~ Don’t kiss my lips and please don’t drink more beer.

Jungkook was beyond wasted and it was starting to piss you off, he'd promised you that this would be a quick visit to the party but an hour later and you were standing in the corner waiting for him to come and get you.

"You okay pretty thing?!" You heard someone slur from beside you and you groaned moving away from the drunken excuse for a person and went to find your boyfriend on your own.

"Kookie?" You called out when you saw him playing beer pong in the kitchen,

"What is it?" He called out over the music scoring another point, he walked over to you while the other team was drinking and kissed your lips. You grunted at the smell of vodka on his breath,

"Don't kiss me, you're wasted. Can we go now?" You questioned looking over at his friends who were all screaming for him to come back to their team.

"One more game baby, then I'll go."

You watched the 'one more game' as it turned into four more games before finally the tenth round had started and Jungkook was drunker than before.

"Jungkook I'm leaving," You told him and walked out of the kitchen hearing a bunch of ''Ooh's'' coming from his friends as he followed after you.

"Why are you such a buzzkill, I told you it was a quick stop." You got into the car without saying anything and started it up,

"Y/n. Don't ignore me, I hate it when you ignore me and you know it." You did up your seatbelt and stared at him,

"I'm going home. Take a taxi if you're going to stay," He glanced at the clock on the dashboard and then he realised that he'd fucked up.

"Shit...Baby, I'm sorry, we totally missed dinner and-"

"Jungkook, it's whatever. Are you coming home or are you staying?" You hoped he was going to get in the car with you and go home. He opened the door and got in the passenger seat, laying his head on top of yours on the gear stick.

"I'm sorry...again." He did nothing but say sorry the entire drive home and then for the rest of the night he continued to say sorry until you finally told him to shut up and go to sleep.

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies @yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @jooniesdarlingdimples @chimchims-stories-and-tales @fan-ati--c @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @callingmyangel @rjsmochii @btsiguess-kpop​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ 

[venactricisfics]

Perception

Negan X OC, Smut, Negan-like language.

Prior Parts: Unexpected  What’s Life without a Little Risk Unbelievable Connection  The You

@negans-network @neganmorgan@mypapawinchesterjeffreynegan @ask-kakashihatake

“It’s getting late,” I groan into his neck, “I should get up and be productive.”

“Baby,” he smiles that devilish smile, “fucking me all afternoon is very productive.” I can’t help myself I smile back, pressing my lips to his. “You’re the leader, you should at least make a cameo at dinner and I need a shower first.” I slide from the bed and walk naked across the floor to the bathroom.  I turn on the water and step in after letting it warm a bit. My eyes closed as the warmth of the water washes over me. Sinking in and relaxing every muscle.

“Well isn’t this a fucking beautiful sight,” my eyes open and I wipe the fog from the shower door, “we can get to dinner faster if we shower together.”

“Conserving resources is very important,” I brush the hair back from my face as he steps in. I reach for the soap and run it over his tattooed chest. My hands stopping at his abs. “You should finish the rest,” I smirk, “or we’ll miss dinner.”

“You are such a fucking tease, baby,” he takes the soap from my hands and turns me around. He begins soaping up my back, the movement of his fingers over my skin relaxing every muscle.

“You like when I tease you,” I take a step back, my back pressing against his chest, “makes it so much better later.”

“That it fucking does,” he soapy hands move over my stomach and rubs soap into my breasts. “But I want you right fucking now.” he spins me again and pushes me against the wall. The cool tile felt incredible against the heat of my skin. His lips crash into mine. Hungrily, forcefully. I cling to him as he lifts me off my feet and my legs hook around his waist. I groan deep against his lips when he drives his cock inside me. Thrust after thrust he fucks me into the wall. I tremble in his arms. Holding onto him tight with every muscle in my body.  I roll my head back against the tile wall with a whimper and came undone in his arms.  He groaned out his release deep inside me.

“Goddamn it,” he chuckles holding me steady as I lower my feet to the ground. “I am fucking ready for dinner now.” He steps in the water and rinsed off before stepping out of the shower.

“You are an ass,” I shiver as the water runs cold over me as I rinse myself off.

“And the fucked up part is you like it,” he smirks tossing me a towel as I step out.

“Some Days more than others,” I wrap the towel around myself. Stepping out into the room. I pick up my shirt stained with his cum, “I can’t wear this, can I borrow one of yours? I didn’t plan a sleepover very well.”

“Guess you should bring some of your shit,” he hands me one of his crisp white t’s. “And leave it. Just in case.”

His shirt hung well past my hips, and it was comfortable, even clean, it smelled like him. I shake my head smiling as he offered his leather-clad arm to me. I stuck my hand in the crook of his elbow as he guides me out his apartment door, down the stairs into the cafeteria. I couldn’t help but feel every eye on me. I suppose a month ago I would have watched too. It was different being on this side of the looks. I’m guided past the line of people who have dropped to their knees to let him pass.

“As you were,” he gives the serving girl a grin as she hands him a plate with a large deer steak, pasta, and vegetables. “Fifteen is her new number. She’s with me tonight.” The server then slides me a plate with a smaller cut of meat. I carry the plate of food, looking from mine to the bowls of stew the others seemed to be eating.

“I would have been fine with…” I whisper before he cuts me off.

“Fuck that, you don’t get the scraps, you get first cut, baby,” he takes a seat at his table.  Arat, Regina, and Dwight already there. His counsel.  I slide in a seat across from him.

“Simon and his people haven’t made it back yet?” I ask to break the silence.

“Should be back in the mornin’,” Regina responds, “ran into a herd and they’re playin’ it safe.”

“Good idea,” I lean back, they had a system I wasn’t privy to, yet. But I needed to make myself known as more than just Negan’s fuck buddy. Or whatever we are. “I can check on redirects after dinner?” I glance up at him, looking for approval.  He swallows hard, “Alright sweetheart, you do that. Talk to Fat Joey, he set up the rigs and shit. Tell him I sent you and he’ll tell you everything you need to know about it.”

“Thank you,” I jab my fork in the meat and take a bite. I hated to admit it was good. Being a Savior so far wasn’t hard. But I hadn’t put in the work. Not really. “It’s gonna take me a little bit to get used to the um promotion.” Regina snorts out a laugh, “Don’t think your job is that fucking difficult,” she mutters.  My eyes narrow in her direction, “You got something to say to me? Please speak up so everyone can hear.”

“Most of us got our positions on our feet,” she responds, “not on our back.” At that moment I hated being so fair, my face red with anger unable to hide it. My fingers tighten around the steak knife on my plate, contemplating shoving in through her smug face.

“Keep your goddamn mouth closed,” the words came from somewhere I didn’t expect. “About shit, you know nothing about.” It was Arat that spoke. “She’s a fighter like the rest of us. A survivor,” her eyes cut from Regina to me, “A Savior. I saw the shit she did out there. She would’ve taken a bullet for Davy. And he’s a creepy ass mother fucker. So no she didn’t get where she is on her back. And if she did,” she chuckles, “what damn difference does that make to you? You’re one of the biggest dikes here.”

“Jee-sus,” Negan smirked, “If we’re gonna have a chick fight I think we need to fill up a fucking mud pit and you ladies strip down to your underwear. My money is on her though.” Motioning to me, “It’s the little ones. They’re feisty.”  

“You are not helping,” I turned my eyes toward him, the anger leaving my gaze. “There will be no naked mud wrestling.”

“Well she-it,” he chuckles, “guess I’ll have to grab a beer with my boy D. While I let you bring home the bacon.”

“Sounds like a plan, just make sure you look pretty when I get home,” I shoot him a wink as I stand up, grabbing my tray. He catches my hand, “You don’t have to do that anymore.”

“I can still clean up after myself,” I glance around at the other people, the factory workers, “They’re not here to wipe my ass or pick up my trash. They do grunt work for crap. They don’t need extra.” I carry my tray and scrape the scraps into the compost pile and set the empty tray in the stack to be washed. Sassing Negan was probably not the best thing I could do but he didn’t see things from the factory floor. Not the way I did. Hell, I was them not long ago. Working for points, doing laundry, washing dishes, scavenging for things for the /Saviors/. I understood the pecking order. The Saviors were the protectors. The fighters. The ones that kept the dead out. That kept the danger out. And I was one of them now.

I don’t glance back at the table before walking up the steps heading down the hall to my room. I pull Negan’s shirt over my head and lay it across the back of a chair and pull one of my own over my head. It fit better, hugging me closer. But it didn’t smell like him. I couldn’t smell like him when I worked. I couldn’t stand to have anyone else look at me like I slept my way up the food chain.

The air was cool when I step outside, Fat Joey rambling behind me how all the redirects were set up. I took most of the information in, “This is where you activate it? Out here?”

“Yes, sir,” he stutters, “ma’am. Yeah.”

“Relax, Joey,” I cut my eyes back to him, “I’m just here to learn. See how this shit is all set up so I can help if needed. Shouldn’t someone be out here?”

“Mark’s supposed to be out here,” he replied, “must be running late.”

“How much off track will the herd be if he doesn’t show?”

“Too many factors to determine exactly,” he replied, “but enough that it could cause a problem.”

“Does he skip out on work often?” I pace the scaffolding.

“Not that I know of,” he says.

“I’m gonna see if I can find him,” I swing open the door, “If he doesn’t come back you may need to do it. Can’t have those undead assholes paying us an unexpecting visit.” I take the steps two at a time stopping when I hear the moans. Familiar moans.

“Oh Mark,” I glance down the stairwell seeing the familiar blonde who was pinned against the wall her legs wrapped around Mark's waist as he pounded into her. Amber. I closed my eyes. I should tell Negan. That was his wife after all. She promised to love, honor, and obey. Her cries of ecstasy were not fulfilling that vow. But another part of me wondered how much her betrayal mattered when just a couple hours ago Negan had me pinned to a wall.

I turn back the other direction, heading back to my room. I change into an oversized shirt and plop down on my bed. I never thought I’d feel weird laying in bed in pajamas but the last few nights I slept naked. With Negan. I tossed and turned trying to find comfort in my own bed. I missed him next to me. I got up a couple times. Even put on my pants on and pulled them back off.  An unrestful sleep finally came.

The soft knock at my door stirred my from my sleep. I rub my eyes and glance at the clock, 5:00 am. I hadn’t decided yet if I should tell Negan what I saw. Though the image of Mark ramming into Amber was bored into my brain. I wasn’t envious of Mark but more curious why in the hell would she pick someone that looked to be a member of a boyband when she could have Negan in her bed when she wanted.  But I suppose I’d share the information if it were relevant. Until then, it wasn’t my business. And certainly wasn’t my drama.

I swing open the door and almost trip over the basket on the floor. Clean clothes, snacks, a walkie, DVD’s. Everything I could think of wanting. I smile knowing the idea behind it was Negan’s after pulling out a few pairs of less than practical panties. I picked a pair that looked the most comfortable and get dressed. I smoothed my hands over the curve of my ass looking at my reflection wondering if he would be able to tell I was wearing them. And praying they didn’t ride up while I was working. Satisfied that my attire hugged my curves perfectly and was comfortable enough to do whatever the day entailed. I strap on my gun and walk down to the cafeteria. I grab a banana and a cup of coffee.

I take a seat watching as the sun rose behind the trees. Even with the world drowning in death and blood; the sky was there. It opened the way to new possibilities. Hopes, dreams. I tuned out the sound of the dead on the fences and just bask in the morning glow.

“Well that has to be one of the hottest fucking things I’ve seen this morning,” my cheeks burn a bright shade of pink. Of course, Negan would walk down the steps behind me the moment I took a bite of my banana. I finish chewing, concentrating on returning the natural color to my face. I break off a piece offering it to him, “You want some?”

“Not of your banana, baby,” he steps in front of me picking up my cup of coffee I had resting between my legs. “I missed you last night.” He wrinkled his nose at the sweet taste of my coffee.

“It was late when I got finished with Joey last night and I was tired.”  I glance down at the ground. I wanted to be with him but I wanted to just sleep. I wasn’t sure if that was allowed.

“Fair enough,” he hands me my cup of coffee back, “you don’t need that much sugar, sweetheart. I /know/ how sweet you are already.” He gives me a smirk, “Simon and the boys ought to be back soon. You can help organize and shit.”

“Alright, I can do that,” I stand up, I was two steps up from him, now level eye to eye with him. The gold-green flecks in his eyes sparkled when he smiled at me. I couldn’t help myself. In the light of day, in front of a field of chained walkers, I lean in pressing my lips to his. Our lips molding into each other. I move forward to close the gap between us, forgetting at that moment where I was and stumble forward. Negan catches me breaking the kiss chuckling, “I’d never expect to have you fuckin’ fall for me /that/ literally.”

“I’m just trying to win you with my awkwardness.” I shoot him a wink steadying myself beside him, “You are rather tall.” I walk next to him toward the opening gates. The box truck pulled to a stop.

“Alright boys, let’s get this fucking haul unloaded,” he smirks looking at me, “I wanna bet back in there and unload a little myself.”

“Negan, need to talk to you about the redirect,” Duke said.  I felt a twinge of guilt in the pit of my stomach.

“What about redirect?” Negan’s voice forceful.

“It got fucked up,” Duke replied. “We’re on it now but it’s a mess out that.”

“Who’s fucking job was that?”

I swallow hard, “I went out there last night with Joey to see the setup.” I look up at him, “Mark was supposed to be out there. I found him in the stairwell.” Negan’s eyes glance down at me. “With Amber.” The sound of glass breaking, followed by machine gun fire interrupted our conversation.  Negan pushed me down to the ground, one of Simon’s guys got hit and fell on top of me. Dead. I groan shoving the corpse off of me.

“I only want Negan,” the kid stepped out of the back of the truck, machine gun in hand.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” I stand covered in dirt and blood. I stood in the path between him and Negan. The copper taste of blood filled my mouth.

The sound of Negan’s whistle sent chills up my spine, “Damn you are adorable. Did you pick that gun cause it looks cool? You totally did, right? Kid, I ain’t gonna lie, you scare the shit outta me.” The guy in front of me must have flinched, the kid started shooting again.” Dwight seemed to dive outta nowhere knocking the kid to the ground.

“Dwight, back off. Is that any way to treat our new guest?” Negan said with a devilish smile.  Offering the kid a hand. “Common, kid, I will show you around.”

“D, take Daryl to the kitchen and do some grub prep,” he motions for me to come closer, “You OK baby?” He rubs his gloved thumb over my swollen lip. “Go let Carlson take a look at you.”

“I’ll be fine, just a scratch.”

“Don’t make me have to fucking repeat myself,” he ordered.  I give a nod. Know there was no arguing with him when he spoke like that.

“I am not gonna have time to screw any of my wives today,’ he chuckled, “well maybe my girlfriend. Twice.” He shoots me a wink as I head inside down the hall and to Dr. Carlson’s office.

“Good morning,” he gives me a smile, “what can I do for you?”

“Had a little accident out there, busted my lip. Negan wants you to check me over.” I don’t know if it was the adrenalin or my hardheaded stubbornness, but I didn’t fully assess my injuries while I was out there.  “I feel sore now that I have time to think.” Carlson presses his stethoscope to my chest and back. Listening to my heart and breathing. He has me lift my shirt, looking me over, his fingers moving across my flesh. I grit my teeth. “Couple bruised ribs, nothing too serious. Gonna wrap them just in case. Just gotta take it easy for a few days for them to heal.”

I smile to myself hoping I could convince Negan to be easy for those few days. “Negan may need you later,” I stated.  He quirks a brow.  “Redirect got fucked up. Someone got sloppy. Didn’t do their job. You’re generally needed when it’s time to bring shit back to square one.” He nods knowing exactly what was needed from him. I wince a little as he cleans the cut on my lip before hopping down from the table.

I stop meeting Dwight with Daryl in the hallway. I had forgotten almost that Dwight didn’t always have the scars on his face. I wasn’t there when he got them. “That’s gonna happen to Mark isn’t it?”

“Yep,” he replied leading Daryl towards the lounge.

“And the kid?”

“Don’t know,” he shoved Daryl through the lounge door, “don’t care.” Dwight’s face went flat when the door opened.  He had seen it before. I had too but at a distance. Before I cared. Negan’s lips were pressed against Sherry’s. I count in my head to keep from tearing up.  She was his wife. Why wouldn’t he kiss her? Why wouldn’t he fuck her? I shove all the thoughts and feelings away. Focusing on one for the moment. Anger.

“You alright, kid?” I ask softly. He nodded. The kid hid his fear better than any grown ass man I’d seen before. May he wasn’t scared.

“Dwighty boy, fire up the furnace,” Negan’s voice chimed in. “Gonna have a little deja vu. Come on, kid.” My eyes watering as he looks at me with a grin. “I will see you real soon, baby.”  

“Yeah,” I replied watching as they walk out of the lounge. I watch the women gather around Amber and Sherry down her glass of Scotch. I wondered how much of it was a show. To put Dwight in his place. I wait a few minutes until I know he’s gone before stepping out into the hall. I wouldn’t let him see that it bothered me. But the tears that streamed down my cheeks, they told another story.

“Fuck feelings,” I mutter to myself.

[red-5]

Luck’s Got Nothing To Do With It (Pt. 2)

Summary: Poe deals with the aftermath of leaving her behind, the Resistance makes plans to get her back.

Pairings: Poe x OC/reader

“I’m sorry about your girlfriend.”

The simple sentiment managed to cut through the hissing of the landing gear, the beeping of the airlock signaling the all-clear, the persistent howling in Poe’s ears that he pretended was aftershock of the jump to lightspeed in an unfamiliar craft. His head snapped to his left, and the smaller man shrunk away from the wild look in his wide, bloodshot eyes. Poe searched his face for a moment, blinking away his thoughts before finding his voice.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he managed, flinging the straps of his harness over the back of the pilot’s chair, and clamoring to his feet. “And don’t be. As soon as I pass you off I’m going to get her.”

He felt eyes watching him as he released the lock on the door, willing the fatigue from his muscles as he heaved the metal latch open. He brushed off the obnoxious feeling, the questions he saw swimming in his eyes. Faces blurred past him as he pushed his way through the crowd that flooded the small craft, ignoring the questions and prodding looks they gave him as his boots thudded across the tarmac to a familiar sleek, black X-wing.

The Y-wing he had flown into Cloud City was probably still parked on the small landing pad near the rear entrance to the city, but she had sacrificed any chance at slipping passed the TIE fighters when she gave him the precious few seconds he needed to take-off. The flight back to D’Qar had been torture, the last few minutes before he took off without her had been playing out in his head, on repeat, since the moment the landing gear left solid ground. He was a man obsessed, positive there was something, anything, he could have done besides leave her in a floating, First Order infested hive. He picked apart each second, dissecting the scene for his failure and becoming increasingly agitated as he came up with nothing. Sooner or later, they would find her, then it would be a question of how long it took them to discover she wasn’t a materials inspector for a hyperdrive coolant development company.

He refused to think about what came next, only that he couldn’t let it get to that point.

His feet tripped and tumbled over BB-8’s feeble attempt to stop him by weaving through his legs to frantic beeps and howls.

“Not now buddy, we’ve gotta go.”

He yelped at the droid’s escalated maneuver of simply ramming into his shins with renewed vigor and a fresh string of angry, high-pitched binary. His own rant was roughly cut off before it began by the small hand that gripped his bicep with surprising strength, jerking him to face a furious, tight-lipped scowl.

“Black. Leader.” The General annunciated, eyes flashing through the mask of long-practiced patience for hot-shot pilots. He hadn’t heard anyone call for him, but the bewildered looks they were receiving was evidence enough.

“General, I’m sorry I have to- I- I can’t just leave her- “

“Poe.” It was sharp, cutting, but soft with understanding, and the jumble of words died in his throat as he sighed a shuttering breath. His blood ran cold with an unfamiliar sensation that he recognized immediately.

Helplessness.

“We’re going to get her, we will. But let’s do this the right way. Flying back in there mad and single-handed isn’t going to do her any favors.” Her eyes held no room for questioning, and he allowed himself to be led from the flight line by the firm grip on his arm.

He gave himself over to the numbness that overtook his limbs as he moved robotically to the briefing room, vision swimming with the exhaustion he had been repressing. This was the part where she would give him a sly grin and one last crushing hug before ducking into the dark room, muscles still spasming with post-flight adrenaline that wouldn’t wear off until well into the night. Now it felt as if his boots were filled with concrete, as if she were some kind of drug and he was overdue for his next hit.

Shapes and voices flowed around him as he was shoved into a seat, Snap’s face passed in front of his, he was saying something, but Poe couldn’t quite make out his words. The lights dimmed, but the rapid ebb, and flow of moving bodies didn’t falter, data-pads transferring hands, voices whispering in ears, the General addressing the group that had gathered next to a trembling intel-specialist Bonavan? Donovan? It was information he already had, everything he already knew, the First Order’s interest in Cloud City to feed their ever-expanding need for hyperdrive coolant, Baron-Administrator Calrissian’s role as a double agent, playing nice with the Admirals and troopers that came prodding while covering the Resistance’s presence in his halls. A presence that had been compromised. Sour irritation bubbled in his chest, his skin crawling beneath the muted-grey of the itchy material he kept forgetting he still wore. He could be halfway back to the city by now.

Everything suddenly felt so wrong. He missed the feminine voice next to him, making inappropriate jokes and comments earning them a stern glare from General Organa. The cantina would be next, take-away boxes smeared with grime and left to go cold on the tarmac as they came down from their adrenaline highs in the clean night air. He had no idea he had become so dependent on their routine, on her very presence, but now, in the absence of his addiction, he felt the pang of withdrawal.

“Lieutenant Divon, is Green Squadron ready?”

As if his body recognized there were plans being made, he snapped to attention, eyes seeking out the blonde in question.

“The Ghosts are scrambled and awaiting your orders, General,” the lithe man responded briskly.

“Good,” she responded tightly, eyes skipping around the room. “You will take point in Green Leader’s place. Gold and Red squadrons, you will follow Green and engage when given the order. Keep it tight, keep it clean. Our intel states it’s little more than a scout detachment, but given the circumstances that will change, and quickly. Black squadron, you’re on clean-up and emergency back-up only, that means you too, Black Leader.”

Her eyes found Poe’s from across the room.

“No heroics. I want Green-3 in a Y-wing and standing by for extraction. Get our girl and get out, is that understood?”

A chorus of affirmations rang around the room, but her eyes never left his. He felt them burning in the back of his skull as he leapt to his feet and beat the mob to the door.

“Poe!” Snap called after him, pushing his way out of the room to chase him down.

“Poe! Poe stop!” His fingers gripped his arm, fisting into the material and reminding him, once again, he wasn’t wearing his flight suit.

“Let me go, Snap,” Poe ground through clenched teeth, grunting in irritation at a failed attempt to wrench his arm free.

“Just wait a second, you’re gonna get yourself killed.”

“Yeah, well, it’ll be a long time coming.” He tried, again, and failed, again, to pull himself free, instead conceding with a withering glare at his friend who stared back at him slack-jawed.

“What the hell has gotten into you?”

“She needs me Snap, I just left her there- “

“And you don’t get to be leader of the best stealth squadron in the Resistance without taking a few hits.” Snap almost shouted, raising his voice over Poe’s frantic rambling.

“But I left her there.” Poe insisted, eyes begging him to understand, to loosen his grip and let him go before he exploded. “I left her there. I told her I’d never leave her behind.”

“And she’s a tough girl,” Snap responded gently as if reassuring a wounded animal. “She knew what she signed up for. You did what you had to do, she knows we’re coming for her and she’ll do what she has to do.”

Poe stared back at him for a long moment, fighting down the irritation he felt at how calm Snap was and trying instead to let it soothe his frayed nerves. Finally, he gave a sharp nod, sucking in a deep breath to combat the tightness building in his chest. Snap hesitantly let him go, giving him time to compose himself as he tugged and pulled at his clothes, dragged his fingers through his tousled hair, pressed the heels of his hands into his strained eyes.

“How long?”

Bloodshot brown eyes flew open, hands pulling away from his face as he looked at Snap with a blank expression, mouth gaping open ever so slightly.

“I…I- I don’t… “ He stuttered, blinking rapidly as he sorted through his jumbled thoughts. “I’m not… She’s…she’s just… “

“Yeah alright, whatever you say, look,” Snap interrupted his pathetic excuse for a response. “You got 20 minutes till gear up. Change, splash some water on your face, pull yourself together and get to the flight line. We’re on back-up- “ He held up a halting hand at Poe’s protests. “General’s orders, you’re lucky she’s even letting you go. You’re way outside your safety window and should be resting. Don’t make her change her mind. Now go.”

He wasn’t certain when that had become a trend in his life, but he found himself turning away from his squad-mate and following BB-8 to the familiar path to his room. No matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to move fast enough. He felt like he was in a dream, arms and legs tangling in the bed sheets whenever he tried to move with any sense of urgency. He let out a throat-tearing scream as his fingers failed a third time to punch in the pass code to his door, repressing the urge to put his fist to the metal instead as he pressed his forehead to the wall. The cold bite of the metal cut through the haze in his mind and let him draw in the first, true breath he had taken in hours.

Breathe in.

She’s fine.

Breathe out.

You’re going to get her back, she’ll be home by dinner.

With a head as clear as it was going to get, he pushed away from the wall, steadying his hands before successfully punching in his code and striding through the threshold. He was on autopilot, snatching the familiar orange flight suit from where it hung by the door, kicking off his boots and shedding the thick material of his disguise. Hands groped for the familiar holes as he shrugged it on, stepping into his boots on the way to the fresher. His breath faltered and sputtered as the ice-cold liquid hit his face, shocking his senses, and clearing away the remnants of the fog that clung to the edges of his mind.

He met his own eyes in the mirror, barely recognizing the face that stared back at him. Tanned skin turned ashen, brown eyes sunken into his skull, wild curls jutting up from his head haphazardly. When did he start needing her so much? He felt like he was coming apart at the seams, and the only thing that kept him together wasn’t there. They should be at the cantina right now, scooping slop into small white boxes and smiling apologetically at Miss Lyra for the mess they left behind. This wasn’t the first time he had to leave someone behind, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. But he was certain it was the only time he felt as if he left himself behind as well, the only time he felt as if nothing would ever be right again.

BB-8 rolled in behind him, whistling quietly as he gently nudged Poe’s leg in apology.

“I know, buddy.”

He turned to look at his companion, the corner of his mouth twitching.

“You ready?”

His mouth stretched into a tight smile at the enthusiastic beeps and whoops he got in response. He grasped the zipper on the front of his suit with his fingers, pulling the tab up to his neck and squaring his shoulders.

“Let’s go get her.”

@umbrellabrass you must have ESP, I got your tag request as I posted this.